#but I didn’t <3 this felt like enough to prove my point without getting repetitive

[nat1nonsense]

@muthserra Absolutely I can elaborate on this!!! Let’s fucking do this, this is gonna be one hell of a long post!!!

So starting with the title, “Hold Me Like a Grudge”, The title and repeating lyric is very reminiscent of the dynamic between Imogen and Laudna during their fight after Laudna accidentally shattered Imogen’s crystal. Grudges are usually held out of spite or out of stubbornness, and more often than not they’re held tightly and for a long time. To hold someone like a grudge would insinuate that you’re holding onto them tightly and for a long time, even through that stubbornness and spite, or maybe even anger. There was something about their interactions with each other during this time that felt like they were indirectly asking each other to hold each other like a grudge. Even though they were barely talking to each other, they both wanted to be held by the other as tightly as the grudges they were holding at the time.

^ There’s nothing really deep behind these lyrics specifically, it just feels deeply reminiscent of how Laudna, while she was barely on speaking terms with Imogen, would always make attempts at starting a conversation with Imogen and even though Laudna meant well in these moments, she always got shut down by Imogen

^ This line alone makes me think of Yu/Dusk inserting themself into the imodna dynamic, every time Yu/Dusk would be interacting with Imogen or Laudna, there tended to be this underlying feeling on part of either Imogen or Laudna that was like “Dusk seems really cool, but I wish I was talking to Laudna/Imogen”

^ Ruidus vibes, next question (no but really, not only does this give me ruidus vibes, but it also gives me that “fuck it all, we have each other” vibe that Imogen and Laudna have when they’re together)

^ It’s not an Imodna analysis post if I don’t talk about how much Imogen and Laudna lean on each other. The world hasn’t been kind to either of them, they’ve kind of just been thrown into some not great situations and they’ve both had to figure it out as they go (“the world is always spinning and I can’t keep up”). The harder it gets, the faster the world spins, both Imogen and Laudna realize they’re facing things that they can’t deal with alone as individuals, and it’s okay to occasionally need to lean on someone who can help you get by (“…can’t do this on my own”).

Imogen and Laudna are both also “part time soulmates, full time problems” for each other, just as much as they lean on each other. The love that Imogen and Laudna have for each other more often than not is forced to take a back seat to the problems and the baggage that they both bring to the relationship, Laudna with Delilah and everything that comes with that, and Imogen with being Ruidus-born and everything that comes with figuring that out, especially during the time of the Apogee Solstice. For as much as these two are soulmates, platonically or romantically, they both come with their individual problems and struggles that can cause tension in strife in their relationship. Then it all comes back at the end of the chorus with “hold me like a grudge” which remains reminiscent of the tone/vibes of the imodna fight and how even when they were arguing, they wanted to be held as tightly as their grudges

^ Focusing less on the fight that Imogen and Laudna had, and focusing more on the overall vibes of Imodna, the idea of “we’ll do more than just get by together” is very Imogen and Laudna given how they both don’t just want to get by, they want to live a soft and comfortable life together. Even though they thought things would’ve been a little easier by now, and with things not going exactly as they planned for their future (“I thought I knew better, I thought it would get better // I figured somehow by now, I would have got it together”), this idea of a soft and comfortable life is something that they both want for each other and something they’re entirely committed to (“and if you put your, put your heart in it, heart in it”)

Hold Me Like a Grudge by Fall Out Boy as an imodna song, especially (but not exclusively) during their fight………… I think I’m on to something

[unnursvanablog]

All the TV shows that I watched in 2023 / part 2.

and what I thought of them..

XO, Kitty: a strange mix of a kdrama and American teen drama, and I didn't think the pacing was working at all for the story, it didn’t give enough time for character work or buildup for any of the tension, but there were certain scenes that were surprising and fun.

Numbers:  I kinda just watched it because I think Myungsoo is cute. And if I just focused on him and not so much all the plot, because my mind just glazed over all the business and number stuff that was happening within the plot, it was somewhat enjoyable.

The Revenant: The episodes do a good job at build up a horror atmosphere, the cliffhangers are exciting and leaves you wanting to continue on, but the structure and the pacing within those different cliffhangers could have been better and the story ends up dragging towards the end and becoming a bit too repetitive.

Good Omens, s2: this series felt like a fluffy fanfic as well as a bridge between the first and third seasons. A whole lot of setup, that is used in a fun way to expand on some of the characters so it doesn't take away from the fun, but it gets a bit tired and tedious towards the end when the story doesn't really seem to be going anywhere or have a point to it.

King the Land: this drama was just such a fluff-piece from start to finish. A good excuse to stare at beautiful people and sell us some products through the tv screens. Nothing really happened. The plot felt quite bare-bone, things just happened because it had to happen or it was convenient and everything about it worked a bit like the drama had been written in 2012, forgotten about, found again and not updated at all. I never really got into it and didn't understand all the praise it got. The leads had chemistry for sure, but the romance had little buildup to it, which usually is my favorite thing about any romcoms. All the other side-romances were really boring.

No other: I really enjoyed the contrast between the daughter and the mother and the relationship they had between them. That alone kept me glued to the story for a long time, but all the other different storylines surrounding them weren't really as fun, and the romance didn't get me at all.

My Dearest:  I'm still recovering from the long ride this drama took me on. But what a ride it was. I thought it was such a beautiful, humane, sad and yet hopeful story that will probably stay with me for a long time. The characters were rich, flawed, and multifaceted. A fairly fresh approach to this kind of historical drama, but it sure does drag on a bit too much in the middle and only recovers the pacing towards the end of the drama, which to some might just be a little too late. But it's worth keeping up with it for sure. One of the tv highlights of the year for me.

Uncanny Counters, s2: this second season of The Uncanny Counters proves that the story was over once the first season ended. Kdramas are built as one miniseries, that's part of their charm and we don't need some netflix/US formula that expands to multiple seasons for kdramas. The plot here is super predictable and there's nothing here that adds anything to the world or the characters. The story seems to be saying really little, it doesn’t really have a message or a theme and some of the characters don't work the same way without the drama explaining those changes to us.

Only Murders in the Building, s3: another season of entertaining characters solving a twisty but not too complex mystery with a lot of humor. During this third season the main team is sometimes a little too separated for my liking, which is a shame because them solving the mystery together is the most fun part of the show. Everything feels a bit like it’s coming to an end. But that's okay because it's good to know when to stop. And this is a good place for that.

Ragnarök, s1-3: This story started out as a rather playful, entertaining and easy retelling of Norse mythology in such a Nordic teen drama style with interesting ideas and the themes about the environment and society and all that was interesting, but by the end it just felt very tired, predictable and maybe a little pretentious and I had completely stopped being interested or paying attention properly.

Our Flag Means Death, s2: Full of fun and well thought out character moments and queer joy, but it felt like the story was taking a little too long to get going again, and there's not an awful lot of plot in this series and it felt fanservice like at times and sometimes without a true focus to the story or where it was going, but it's still a nice, fun TV experience.

The Perfect Deal: Just a fine thriller that seems to be able to amplify the drama as the story progresses until you can't put it down towards the end. It’s a little frustrating how slowly the story starts, and perhaps more time could have been spent on the characters and just the relationship between them so that everything would completely click together and been more complex and the stakes might have been there from the start. But Yoo Seung Ho can do the most amazing things for his character even though the script isn't necessarily delivering it. Just great in his role as always.

BBC Ghosts, s5:  I'm always so amused by the way this show managed to be so terribly silly and yet touches you deeply with its stories and characters, and I think that's because there's been a lot of work and love put into them from the start. Everything about the show is so sincere, so very earnest and you can see how everyone involved seems intent on having a good time while doing it.

Castaway Diva: Loved the friendship between the two main female characters here and the theme that it's never too late to make your dreams come true – if the drama had been a bit longer than 12 episodes, we might have gotten a little more depth into the world of glamour and perhaps how such dreams aren't for everyone. But after the romance and other storylines took over the story, I lost a bit of interest. And in parts, the drama was maybe a bit too kooky to work for me, despite the fact that it's just a silly little romcom.

Doctor Who, s4: This is still and will undoubtedly always be my favorite series of Doctor Who. I've watched it three times now, which is a lot for me because I rarely re-watch stuff, and I've cried my eyes out every time.

Doctor Who, 60th anniversary special: it was filled with joy and it made me cry. And even though I would have liked more threads that wove it’s way through all the episodes, because each episode sure could have been more connected to the others, it was like coming back home because Doctor Who hasn't been working for me for a while.

The Buccaneers:  These episodes were like echoes of a bunch of other regency romances, which was trying a bit too much to speak to a modern female audience. It all sometimes felt a little too much and it got tiresome, but it was very entertaining. I would have liked more depth in on the girls' friendship and overall more connection between all of them as well as the characters, as some of them felt a bit flat. It was sometimes as if the show lacked a little focus and just wanted to do too many things at once.

The Bear, s2: As good as this show is, I have a really hard time watching it because they just make me so stressed and just anxious. I have a really hard time with this kind of endless argument between the characters (as well in real life) and the way it's set up here is so raw and real that it just frustrates me sometimes, even if I know that is the point. And I have been in that sort of bickering, back-talking tense work environment before and it exacerbated my anxiety so much that I'm still recovering from it. And because of that I must take this very slowly and just watch one episode at a time and take long breaks in between. But it’s good stuff and season two wasn't as anxiety ridden as season 1.

The shows I didn't finish:

Heartbeat: I'm totally up for silly dramas and some whimsy plot and other such shenanigans that don't take themselves too seriously when it comes to romcoms, but something about all those elements in this drama was just too much for me. It just got on my nerves somehow.

Fall of the House of Usher: I just somehow can't get into the horrors that this scriptwriter does. I found all the characters very formulaic and boring. Something about it worked like it was supposed to be a mixture of Glass Onion and maybe The Haunting of Hill House or something, but I thought it was something so pretentious because it almost felt like it was trying too hard and all of the characters were just caricatures and not actual characters.

Arthur Chronicles – The Sword of Aramun: As good screenwriters as the ones who wrote Arthdal are - they made the kdrama that is right now my favorite kdrama ever (and has been since 2016). The worldbuilding and the politics they're usually good at is not in this fantasy world of theirs. The structure of it all feels lengthy but empty and something about this is too clichéd in my opinion. It's as if they need Korean history to shape or frame their stories and give them structure to play around with and wish they could go back to writing that kind of dramas. Lee Junki tried his hardest though to make this work.

[moririki]

⤷ A BLOODSTAINED CONFESSION

RENGOKU KYOJURO X READER -> 3.6K
you patch up your fellow hashira after the hardest fight of your lives

REQUEST -> ✰
CONTAINS -> MUGEN TRAIN SPOILERS like before the cut and everything, mentions of blood + gore, so kinda angsty but definitely a fluffy ass ending, reader is a hashira but it's left ambiguous as to what element you are👍, i watched the movie two months ago so my recollection of dialogue and plot may be *slightly* off, near-death experience, idk how to write combat so i just... didn’t, reader lowkey thirsts over rengoku's back muscles and shit because why tf not, idk how injuries work aaaa
MORI'S THOUGHTS -> rengoku my beloved,,, he deserves the world,, i think i should have made this less angsty im SORRY (i rlly heard "extra fluffy" and it just went 👩🏻➡️ straight through my head huh) also i bet you guys missed me and my late-ass posting <3 but here i am!! for now!! yeahhhh!! i feel like the writing in this got a little repetitive so i apologise for that

APPARENTLY, THE DESTRUCTION OF AN ENTIRE TRAIN wasn't enough to end this mission. even with one lower six demon defeated, another much stronger one had replaced it. the arrival of akaza was a significant turning point in the battle, and one that you cursed yourself for missing.

you should have known that this mission would he more dangerous than expected when both you and rengoku had been deployed to the train, alongside three rookies. you should have known better than to let rengoku convince you to stay back and help evacuate rather than let him handle it alone.

he had been so full of confidence- squeezing your hand firmly before rushing off, leaving you feeling slightly lightheaded from the brief contact of his warm palm. you should have wished him luck, told him to be careful, anything, but he was gone before you had the chance.

you made quick work of evacuating the passengers of the derailed train, making sure that they were all confirmed to be outside of the carriages before entrusting their safety to zenitsu and nezuko. it was around when you had carried out the last passenger that you felt the ground rumble beneath your feet, coming from the other side of the embankment that you were currently placed at. 

before you gave yourself time to really think things through, you were shouting instructions to the pair of demon slayers and dashing off towards the source of the noise, hand readily placed on your sword. that was the direction that rengoku ran is all that went through your mind.

the scene that you found yourself facing did little to quell your fears. you reached two bodies first, recognising them as the hapless figures of inosuke and tanjiro. from a glance you could see the extent of their injuries, with the latter laying on the ground barely conscious. the boar-headed one could only stare at the fight happening several metres away, his shoulders slumped in defeat and swords hanging by his sides.

“there’s no opening,” he only whispered, barely audible. that much was true. even you had difficulty keeping up with the movements of rengoku and the demon that he was fighting. the fact that it had already been several minutes and that there was no clear advantage concerned you, and you unsheathed your sword.

“you two stay put, and learn what it means to be a hashira, alright?” you tried offering a brilliant smile, much like you had seen the flame hashira do so many times, but you hoped that yours didn't fall flat. from the slight relief shown on tanjiro’s worn face, though, you took that as a good sign.

without wasting another second, you rushed towards rengoku and the demon, assessing their movements. inosuke wasn’t joking when he said there wasn’t any opening, their movements equally matched. you took the chance and struck when rengoku managed to get the demon to stumble back. bringing your sword down in a vertical strike, you severed one of its arms, before taking a cursory glance back at rengoku to make sure that he was alright.

your wound did little to hinder the demon, as it simply chuckled before regrowing its limb.

“oh? another hashira? don’t tell me you think that this is a fair match,” the demon sneered as you held your sword in front of you, still nervously eyeing the blood that was beginning to drip at rengoku’s feet. it amazed you as to how he was still standing, let alone also ready to keep fighting, but you weren’t going to stop him with that amount of determination in his eyes.

“i wouldn’t say that you appearing after we had to fight an entire train was fair either, but here we are,” you glared at the demon, adjusting the grip on your sword.

“think you can hold on a little longer?” you asked rengoku, still facing the demon.

“always.” you could picture the steadfast smile on his face, lending you his strength whenever you needed it. you took a deep breath, starting your total concentration breathing and launching off of your foot, propelling yourself forwards.

you heard rengoku's footsteps right behind you, dependable as ever. when you swung your sword and sliced through, you knew that the flame hashira was there to follow through with a co-ordinated attack.

despite your best efforts, the upper six demon lived up to its status and provided to be more than a challenge for even both you and rengoku fighting him simultaneously. in fact, akaza had even managed to gain the upper hand a few times, leaving you with a cracked rib that was making it more difficult to focus and control your breathing.

but you and rengoku's big break arrived in the form of a rising sun that leeched itself into your surroundings. the glow was nothing but welcomed by you, though your demon opponent let fear flicker across its face for the first time this night as it turned foot and fled. the invisible adrenaline-fuelled strings that held you up snapped, and you felt the strength from your body sap, too spent to gove chase to akaza.

the bitter taste of defeat crushed you, numbing your senses as you barely heard the cries of tanjiro as he yelled at the retreating figure of akaza. you turned to your fellow yashira, eyes widening and senses returning as you took in the way he had slumped to the floor, head bowed as he kneeled.

"no, don't you dare," you mumbled, dropping to your knees too in front of him. panic gave your limbs a new purpose as your hands stretched out in front of you, seeking out the warmth rengoku still emitted even when mortally wounded.

the most pressing matter was the dark stain of blood that gave his uniform an unnatural sheen that was still spreading. you pressed a hand to the source of it, a large gash across his stomach that was much too deep for your liking. your other hand came to rest on his face, tilting his head up to look at you for any sort of good sign to cling onto.

"you better stay alive!" your voice was shrill, harsher than you wanted it to be, but those were factors you could hardly control more than the blood oozing from rengoku's stomach. you could see how unfocused his eyes were, and how heavy his head was when only being propped up by the waning strength in your hand. your own injuries had been forgotten, cast aside in favour for you to fear for the flame hashira's life.

and still, despite everything, the man still smiled. the blood covering half his face did little to mar its radiance. rengoku raised a shaking, bloody hand of his own, letting it fall heavy against your own as you felt your hold begin to slip.

"you're hurt too, you know." his words were more of a shaky exhale, though you heard it all the same. you felt a smile slip onto yours too as rengoku proved to still be so vigilant in the wellbeing of others.

"you don't need to remind me, shut up and save your energy," you whispered back. you didn't trust yourself to speak any louder in fear of your voice cracking.

"but.. i have to tell you something." the insistence in his eyes was back, burning into you so mich that you couldn't help but lean closer, trying to ease his burden of being audible.

"quit talking like you're dying." you were practically whispering into his ear, close enough to feel the rasp of his breath as he laughed, holding your hand tighter. his other hand came up to your own face, rough thumb brushing against the skin underneath your eye, wiping away a tear you never realised had tracked its way there.

"let me bandage you up." your voice may not have shook, but your hands definitely did as you disentangled them from rengoku's hold, urging him to put pressure on his wound while your fingers found purchase on the hem of your uniform and ripped off a strip of it. it was barely enough to cover his injury but you managed to wrap the severed cloth around his middle a few times, tying it tight and hoping that it was enough to stop the bleeding.

"just.. stay with me until backup comes, alright? you've got tell me something once we get out of here, remember?" rengoku nodded into your palm, smiling at your words as his eyelids fluttered shut. but you were close enough to still feel that he was warm, to feel the slight rise and fall of his chest as he managed to still breathe, and that gave you some comfort.

minutes felt like hours when you had to talk to fill the gap. whether it was to give rengoku something that tethered him to this mortal realm, or a way for you to distract yourself from your own pain, you onew that you would both have to tough it out a little longer, just until the others arrived.

"you know, i've always admired you." you were surprised at both his words and how clear rengoku's voice sounded. your grip on his hand tightened a little, and you leaned towards him so that your forehead pressed against his.

"this is hardly the time to say something like that, kyojuro." you tried not to laugh, the pain of your ribs starting to edge back in as the adrenaline left your body as the sun soaked your bodies.

"i just wanted you to know." you would have responded to the man if it weren't for the shouts that became all too clear. help was here, and everything was going to be okay now.

you didn't want to let rengoku out of your sight, but many insistent hands prised his body from your grip, and with barely the strength to speak there was little that you could do about it except succumb to the pain of your wounds and finally fall unconscious.

recovery was never an aspect of fighting that you looked forward to. when you finally came to, there were a few gripping moments of panic when you asked a nurse if rengoku was here, if he was alive. you had been assured that he was before the pain and medication kicked in again for a fitful sleep as your body healed.

but no matter how you were pressed back into bed, into the constraints of sleep, you never really felt like you were at rest. your mind was still racing to places your body couldn't as it pieced together the events just before you got hospitalised.

when you could finally get up without keeling over, you were stumboing your way through the hallways as stealthily as possible, leaning on walls for support and peering into rooms as you walked past, in search of your fellow hashira. your cards of luck had lined up when you stumbled upon his sleeping figure less than three rooms down from yours.

he looked a lot cleaner, still donning a serene smile even when unconscious and you felt the panic gripping your body loosen its hold. the throb of your most likely broken ribs was enough of an edge to keep you awake, and you made your way over to rengoku's bedside.

there was a convenient chair placed next to him, and you tried not to grunt in pain as you sat down in it. rengoku didn't even stir at your approach, and you resigned yourself to sitting there, studying his figure and resisting the urge to check whether he was actually breathing or not. if you focused enough, you saw the subtlest rise and fall of his chest, just enough to qualm your fears.

your concentration was broken as you heard the sliding door open again, and the hesitant voice of a nurse breaking your intense silence.

"ah, i'm sorry to interrupt but i need to change rengoku's bandages." to prove her point, the nurse raised her arm to emphasise the strips of fabric held by them. you stood up hastily, sending a cursory glance back at the still-sleeping form of rengoku.

like all matters regarding the flame hashira, you found your mouth and body working a little faster than your brain.

"it's alright, i can change them for you. i'm sure that you have plenty of other patients to tend to." the nurse nodded, though she still looked hesitant to hand you the bandages. you gave her a reassuring smile, stretching out your hand to take them. "i've had plenty of experience with this, don't worry."

the nurse appeared relieved, giving you a quick thanks before exiting and letting the door click shut behind her.

you turned your attention back to rengoku's sleeping figure only to watch him crack a single amber eye open and give you an almost sheepish smile. you couldn't help the flooding sensation of relief that drenched your bones, and you returned his gesture.

"i'm glad to see that you're alright." rengoku's eyes never left yours, and you felt yourself grow hot underneath his gaze.

"glad to see you too." you offered a hand, helping rengoku shuffle further up the bed with minimal effort on your side. despite the bandages covering a large expanse of his upper body, his grip on your hand was still stable and you bit back the fond smile threatening to bloom on your face.

luckily for you, rengoku seemed to get the message that he needed to get shirtless without you asking him, which saved you a whole lot of embarrassment. you weren't confident in your ability to look him in the eye and ask him to strip without blushing, though you did exactly that as your eyes raked over his bare skin.

littered with scars and covering taut muscle, it was hard not to let your eyes wander down his form. from the look on rengoku's face, he looked well aware of the effect that he had on you and fixing you with a practically imperceptible smirk. you were quick to ask him to turn around, and he obliged as quickly as someone with broken and bruised bones could manage.

his back was the same story, with broad shoulders and defined shoulderblades that had muscle twitching without you touching it. you sucked in a breath, way too audible for your liking, and tried not to let your hand stretch out to run your fingers down the expanse of his back. you were here to help treat him, not indulge in some fantasy of yours.

your mindset snapped back to professionalism as you grabbed hold of the fresh bandages, opting to put them on after you removed the old ones. while there was no sign of infection, you still grimaced at the bloody sight of rengoku's major wound. you tried not to show how much it had upset you, both now and in the moment, and your attention turned to your slightly trembling fingers.

you were careful to avoid where his skin was obviously discoloured from bruising, not wanting to cause him any unnecessary pain. he was warm to the touch, enough to invite you in with some false sense of confort before burning you alive. the way his back muscles jumped at your touch did little to help your concentration, but you shouldered on.

your mingld escaped you, insisting on recounting those painful minutes where rengoku was vpeeding out on the battlefield. there was a particular focus on his insistence to tell you something, and you bit your lip. surely, he would ask you at some point from now.

"how are your ribs?" rengoku's voice cut through the silence, its rasping edge acting as evidence of hiw soundly he had been sleeping earlier. while it wasn't the question you wanted him to ask you, you were never one to turn down conversation. especially from him.

"worry about yourself, kyojuro. i'm fine." your appliance of the fresh bandage meant that you would now have to be stood in front of him, a development that had your face flaming from the close proximity. silence set in, and all that distracted you from the rise and fall of his stomach was his breath tickling the sensitive skin of your neck. your eyes flickered towards the ceiling, relying on your hands to guide yourself instead.

you dared to glance down and saw rengoku’s eyes fixed on your face already. there was something about his softened features and the look in his eyes that had you scrambling to stare at the blank ceiling again. as much as you would like to retreat at every first sign if danger or confrontation, you knew that you woukd have to talk to him soon, whether it was you or him who brought up the conversation topic from that day.

taking a deep breath, you perched yourself on the edge of rengoku's bed, still maintaining a professional amount of distance from him. still close enough to spot how his smile brightens when you choose to stay. you glanced down at your fingers, twisting knots into themselves as they were placed in your lap. you almost cursed and placed them underneath you to stop that, but instead you fixed your gaze on the flame hashira's ever-present smile.

"do you remember when you said you had to tell me something? right after akaza?" rengoku straightened up a little, nodding. you gave a cursory glance to the bandages safely wrapped around him, and winced as you remembered how much blood had left him that day. 

as if he could tell what you were thinking, rengoku reached forward and took your hand in his. you sucked in a breath at the sensation of his calloused hands, wincing as your ribs ached in protest. you couldn’t bring yourself to break his stare as your fingers intertwined, and rengoku brought you slightly closer to him. the tension was palpable, and you squeezed his hand in an attempt to alleviate some of it.

“what did you want to tell me, kyojuro?” you were still closing the distance between the two of you, voice barely above a whisper because there was no need to talk any louder for him to hear you. everything about him drew you closer, and the thought of pulling away never crossed your mind. you finally stopped, inches away, staring at him expectantly.

“well, there was a chance that i was going to die that day, so i was going to be selfish and tell you that i love you."

it amazed you how he could say that with such confidence when that statement had effectively swept you off of your feet. you were well aware that you looked more than caught off guard- your eyes had widened, and your mouth probably hung open from shock. that was nothing to stop rengoku’s words, though. if anything, it only encouraged him to keep going.

"and when i said that i admire you, i meant it. i admire your strength and how willing you are to help others. i admire you when it's sunset and you're laughing and i admire the way your hands feel, especially here." he guided your hand to his face, letting it cradle his cheek as he rested his own hand at your wrist, not willing to let go. you were sinking into the warmth of his body, letting his borrowed strength keep you upright.

“and most of all, i admire you because i find your beauty striking in everything that you do.” you were silent as rengoku’s eyes searched your own, watching as his lips split as he laughed. “you’re crying again.” you raised your other hand to your cheekbone, feeling the liquid there that began its trek down the planes of your face. you wiped them away with the back of your hand, keeping yourself anchored to rengoku as you curled your fingers around his own.

you felt so light that you could float away, and you couldn’t  help but laugh and grin as you fully processed the confession of the man lying underneath you. tears still rolled down your cheeks, and you couldn’t help the bittersweet pang as you remembered exactly why he was here recovering.

“you really scared me back there, you know?”

“it wasn’t my intention.” you laughed through your sniffle, feeling his warm hand trace patterns on the back of yours. you shuffled forwards and, as best as your shared injuries allowed it, you gave rengoku a hug. while your arms were around his neck, his rested squarely on your lower back, and it was better than anything else you could imagine.

you pulled away, relinquishing the comfort of his arms in favour of looking him in the eye as you prepared what to say next. admittedly, it was a lot easier when you knew how the other person felt about you.

“you know i admire you too, rengoku, and i love you. so much.” joy rewrote itself within his eyes, and they almost glowed with how intense his emotions were after you uttered those words.

“you do?”

your yes came out as a barely audible breath before you were being snagged forwards by him again. you practically crashed against his lips, but you welcomed the sensation, pulling yourself closer to him and settling on his lap.

you sighed into the searing kiss, only truly appreciating his warmth now as you felt it spread through you. you kissed him back intensely, ignoring the dull ache of your ribs to chase the addictive feeling that you only got around him.

around the person who loved you back.

take a look at the menu - ,, ⛩ ·˚ ༘ ��

[lostinthewiind]

Piss Off Your Parents - Part 3

Ukai Keishin - Haikyuu

Synopsis: freshly turned 18, you want to prove to your parents that you aren’t a child for them to push around anymore. First, get a job at the local corner store. Second, use the store owner’s 26-year-old son with piercings and a cigarette addiction to piss your parents off. Third, accidentally fall in love.

Rating: PG

Warnings: none

Song → 18 by Anarbor

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Never before had you dreaded something more than you dreaded arriving for work the morning following your incident with Keishin. More than anything, you hoped he was thoroughly pissed at you and had left for work early that day so that the two of you wouldn’t have to see each other, but much to your displeasure and horror, when you stepped into the store that morning, he was sitting at the front counter, waiting for you.

How was he not pissed at you after what you had said to him? 

When the sound of the front doors sliding open filled the otherwise silent building, leaving the keys in your hand useless as Keishin had already unlocked the store, you gripped the keys tightly and swallowed hard when he looked up at you. He didn’t say anything at first, maybe because he was waiting to see if you would make the first move, but after last night you were done making first moves when it came to him.

Averting his gaze and dropping your head low, you shoved the keys back into your pocket and headed for the back room to put your stuff away and get this day over with. 

Just as you were about to open the door to the back room, Keishin cleared his throat and you stopped in your tracks, head turning to look at him without thinking about it. 

“Good morning, Y/N.” This was the very first time he had greeted you first, and on top of that, the very first time he had ever used your name. 

You weren’t sure how to respond, confusion and excitement mixing in your body to create an overwhelming concoction. “Good morning,” you mumbled in response before disappearing into the back before he could do anything else out of the ordinary, like God forbid initiate a conversation or something.

You took your sweet time getting ready, delaying heading out to the front of the store as long as possible to give Keishin ample time to leave. After about fifteen minutes or so, you emerged only to find him sitting right where he had been before, newspaper sprawled on the counter and a cup of coffee in his hand.

“Shouldn’t you have left by now?” The questioned slipped past your lips before you even had the chance to filter it through your head.

Eyes wide, Keishin was surprised that you had spoken to him almost as much as you were. “We’re expecting a big delivery today, so I’m sticking around,” he answered. “You’ve never handled one by yourself so my mom asked me to show you how it’s done.”

Your heart sank, your stomach twisted, your knees felt weak. So he was going to be here with you all day long? “Perfect,” you groaned, not even bothering to hide the sarcasm in your tone. “That’s just awesome. Great.”

“Listen, it’s not my idea of an ideal day either, but it is what it is,” he said. “So why don’t we just put last night behind us, chalk it up to exhaustion and the influence of alcohol on my part, and move forward?”

You quirked an eyebrow at him, the fact that you couldn’t seem to figure him out thoroughly starting to irritate you. “How are you not angry at me?” you questioned him. “I was . . . horrible last night.”

You had spent the entire night after getting home thinking about the horrendous way you had behaved. The things you had done and said made you feel awful and you couldn’t understand how Keishin wasn’t on the brink of smacking the shit out of you right now.

“It’s fine.” He flashed a smile, trying his best to prove that he wasn’t dwelling on the past. “I’m a big boy. I can take it.”

Looking around to double check that the two of you were the only ones in the store, you lowered your voice before speaking. “But I put my hands on you. You can really just forget that?” Heat swelled in your cheeks as you recalled the less horrible events that had taken place.

“I touched you too,” he reminded you.

“Yeah, but yours was an accident.” You weren’t sure why you were saying all of this stuff; it was almost like you wanted him to be angry at you. Who knows, maybe you did. “I called you a burnout.”

Keishin let out a booming laugh at that. “Take a good long look at me, kid.” He smirked, gesturing to himself. “You really think I’ve never been called worse?”

“I don’t think that’s the point,” you breathed out.

Keishin opened his mouth to speak, but before he let a word out, he changed his mind and pressed his lips together. In the meantime, he watched you, the cogs in his head obviously working hard. “You’re an odd one, you know that?” He stood up, walked over to you, and set a hand on your shoulder. “I said it’s fine, so just forget about it, okay?”

“Okay.” You nodded, finally giving in. 

“Good. Now, get to work, because this place isn’t going to run itself and I’m only here to help with the delivery, so until then, I’ll be napping on the couch in the back. Wake me up when the truck gets here.”

Before you had a chance to respond, Keishin gave you a pat on the head and disappeared into the back room without another word.

You stood in place for a moment, unsure if the fact that he had forgiven you so easily was a relief or not. You didn’t allow yourself to worry too long about that though, because, like Keishin had said, you had work to do and the store wasn’t going to run itself. And, if your memory served you correctly, you had some sweeping to do in the back corner.

For about two hours, you fell back into your normal workday routine, completely forgetting about the events of the previous night or the fact that Keishin was napping in the back. That was, until you saw the delivery truck pull up in front of the store and remembered you had been given the task of waking the sleeping man. 

Heading into the back, you moved slowly and quietly even though it didn’t matter if you woke Keishin since that was what you were supposed to do anyway. 

“Keishin,” you spoke softly, not wanting to startle him. “The delivery truck is here.”

Of course, he didn’t even budge at that. Nervously, you stepped closer to the couch, unable to ignore the fact that Keishin looked completely different when he was asleep. The usual frown or cocky grin he sported was nowhere to be seen and he didn’t seem as intimidating when his eyes were closed and his breathing was so slow and rhythmic. 

“Keishin.” You reached out and placed your hand on his shoulder like he had done to you earlier and shook him slightly. Still nothing. Rolling your eyes, you were unsure what to try next aside from shouting right in his face. If only he had warned you he was a heavy sleeper. 

Deciding to try one last thing before you resorting to screeching, you leaned closer to his ear, planted your hand on his chest—a brief memory of how you had touched him last night flashing in your mind—and shook him once more while you spoke. “Keishin, the delivery truck is here,” you said, not whispering but also not being too loud.

Thankfully, the mixture of shaking him and speaking directly into his ear seemed to finally do the trick and his eyes shot open. Immediately, you jumped back, not wanting him to be weirded out by how close you were to him. 

Eyes travelling up to meet yours, Keishin yawned and stretched his arms over his head. “Truck’s here?” he clarified.

“Yeah, it just arrived,” you told him, waiting for him to get up. “You should have told me you were a heavy sleeper. I was about to scream or pour water over you or something.”

Keishin cringed at the thought of that. “Well, thank goodness you didn’t. Next time, just pinch my nose or tickle me or something . . . anything but water.”

“Next time?” you asked. “You plan on taking naps on the couch often?”

“It’s my favourite place to nap. You should try it sometime,” he said before heading for the door. “Come on, let’s get this delivery over with. Try to learn fast so I don’t have to teach you again.”

“I’ll try my best.”

As you had pretty much expected, the delivery had been pretty straight forward. After helping the delivery man unload all of the boxes into the storage room and signing off on the delivery, the most time-consuming and complex part of the process was taking an inventory of the new supplies, which you picked up on pretty quickly. 

Keishin showed you how to mark down the new delivery on the clipboard kept in the storage room and where to input the total count for each item. From there, all you had to do was make sure you had received everything and had the correct number ordered. 

“Pretty easy, right?” He glanced at you out the corner of his eye as the two of you worked together at counting the inventory, keeping an ear open for customers in the process.

“Yeah, it doesn’t seem hard. Just time consuming,” you agreed. 

“Exactly. We usually get a big delivery like this about once a month, then smaller deliveries throughout the week for more perishable items, as you already know.”

You nodded, quickly becoming lost in the repetitive task of counting and writing down the amount on the clipboard. Weirdly enough, you found that you didn’t actually hate taking inventory; the simple task was actually kind of calming and passed the time effortlessly. 

“50,” you muttered under your breath, jotting down the number in the correct box right after you finished counting. When you turned back to start on the next box, you caught Keishin looking in your direction. “What?” You furrowed your brows at him. “Am I doing something wrong?”

“No, no.” He shook his head. “I was just thinking.”

“About?”

“You,” he responded, quickly elaborating when you shot him a confused look. “Well, more specifically, why you took this job.”

You shrugged as you continued working. “I already told you. I need the money.”

“Right, so you can move out on your own. But why?”

Your hands stopped grabbing items and your mind stopped counting, making you lose track. “Because I’ve been waiting for as long as I can remember to live my own life and now that I have the opportunity, I’m not going to pass it up.”

“But wouldn’t you much rather be going to school? Surely you don’t want to work in a place like this for the rest of your life.”

You sighed heavily. “You ask a lot of questions, you know that?”

“I’m just curious,” Keishin said. “I want to understand you better.”

“I don’t think you could truly understand unless you experienced the childhood that I did.”

Stopping his work as well, Keishin leaned against the shelf and crossed his arms over his chest. “Try me.”

Rolling your eyes, you accepted the fact that he wasn’t going to give up. “First thing’s first, I’m not saying my childhood was tragic or anything. My parents didn’t beat me. They fed me and clothed me and everything a parent should.” You started, waiting for him to nod before continuing. “I was just never allowed to live my own life or make my own decisions. I ate what my parents wanted me to eat, I wore what they wanted me to wear. I took the classes they wanted me to, I was friends with who they thought would make a good friend. They went overboard on trying to get me to do what they thought was best for me. I was never old enough or mature enough to know what I really wanted. I lived in a controlling dictatorship.”

“What about soccer?” Keishin asked, proving that he had actually remembered the conversation the two of you had had on your first day at the store. “You told me you used to play.”

You smiled fondly at the thought of your high school soccer team. “That was the only thing I ever got to pick for myself . . . and it took months of convincing, and in the end, I was only allowed to continue because I was good at it. The fact that I genuinely enjoyed it never came into account for my parents.” Your smiled faded slightly. “Sometimes they even managed to drain the fun from that as well, but I refused to let them ruin it for me because it was the only thing I had that was mine.”

“Do you miss it?”

“Every day . . . but this is more important right now.”

Keishin was silent for a few moments while he processed everything you had said. “Sounds like everything needed to have a purpose.”

“Pretty much. If something had no chance of providing success in the future, it was a waste of time.”

“So the plan is to work so you can afford your own place, then go to school next year? How are you going to afford school?”

“Well, if I had followed my parents plan for me and started working toward a law degree, they would have paid for it. But since I’ve decided to do my own thing now, I’m just lucky they haven’t kicked me out of the house yet . . . so I guess I’ll have to get a scholarship or apply for student loans. I’ll basically be scraping by, so I’ve applied for a bunch of community colleges and I’ll go from there I guess.”

Fishing a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket, Keishin lit one before sticking it between his lips. “What do you want to do?”

You laughed slightly at that. “I have no idea. I was never allowed to have hobbies or interests, so I don’t even know what I like. I just know what I don’t like. If I could do anything though, I’d apply for the University of Tokyo. They have a great soccer program. I just want to play soccer again.”

Keishin smiled. “Just soccer?”

“For now, yeah. I’ve learned that I’ll have to take life step by step, so that’s the first major goal. I’ll probably take some first year classes and see what I like and go from there. I think it’s okay to not have a set-in-stone plan sometimes . . . after all, this is the first time in my life I’ve never had my future planned out for me. It’s kind of exciting . . . scary, too, but exciting.”

Keishin sighed contently as he watched your eyes light up when you talked about the things you wanted to do in the future. “Can I ask you something?”

You nodded. “Sure.”

“So what was the point of what happened last night?” he inquired. “And, while we’re at it, the past few weeks as well. How do I fit into this grand plan of yours?”

You felt your heart pound against your chest. “I thought we were forgetting about last night?”

“We are,” he assured you. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. I’m just curious, is all.”

You thought for a moment, unsure how to phrase exactly how you were feeling. At first, you were inclined to take him up on his offer to not answer, but after how nice he had been to you today, you felt you owed him at least that. 

“Originally, I was in a pretty messed-up head space and I wanted to use you to get back at my parents,” you told him truthfully, “. . . but after last night, I did some serious thinking and realized that wasn’t the case. What I really want is to prove to my parents that not everything that is different or ‘not according to plan’ is bad. You have an  . . . alternative look about you,” you tried to phrase that as respectfully as possible, causing Keishin to chuckle, “but you’re not a bad person or, despite my harsh words last night, a burnout. You coach volleyball for high school kids and you help out at your family’s store and even though I’ve been pretty horrible to you, you’ve been nothing but nice to me.”

You paused, unsure if you should say the last part or not. “I don’t know, I just think that maybe if they met you, they might realize that I’m capable of making good choices for myself even if it doesn’t fit their predetermined mold of my life.”

“You think I’m a good choice?” he asked, taken aback by your honesty.

“Yeah.” You eyed him while he took a drag from his cigarette and let the smoke spill from his lips. “Maybe not the nicotine addiction part, but hey, no one’s perfect.”

Keishin chuckled before putting his smoke out. “Okay, I’ve got a deal for you.”

You cocked a brow at him. “What?”

“If I pretend to be your boyfriend and help you fix things with your parents, you have to apply to the University of Tokyo and follow your dream of playing soccer.”

You were thoroughly perplexed. “Both conditions of that deal only really benefit me. What do you get out of it?”

He just shrugged. “Nothing.”

You scoffed. “Well, as generous and sketchy as that sounds, there is no way I would be able to afford the University of Tokyo on my own and I don’t think any amount of ass-kissing could make my parents agree to pay for me to go there to play soccer and figure life out.”

“Hey, one step at a time, right?” He used your own words against you. 

You contemplated his offer for a moment. “You’re really okay with that? Even though you get nothing but more work out of it?”

“I suggested it, didn’t I?”

You couldn’t help the smile that spread across your face. “You’d really pretend to be my boyfriend? Even though I’m just some rebellious kid?”

“Your opinion of me changed,” he pointed out. “Why can’t my opinion of you change too?”

“Fair enough,” you conceded. “Well, if you’re absolutely positive you won’t regret it when you wake up tomorrow morning, I’ll happily accept your deal. Thank you.”

Keishin turned back to the stack of boxes and promptly returned to the task at hand. “You’re welcome.”

You watched him work and quietly hum to himself while he did so. This time, it was his turn to catch you staring. “What?” he looked over at you.

“I just didn’t peg you for such a softy is all,” you joked. 

“Yeah, yeah,” he scoffed at you. “Just don’t fall in love with me or anything, kid.”

You smirked. “Whatever you say, old man.”

[kidslovecudi]

Man On The Moon III: The Chosen - Album Review By “kidslovecudi“

Before I say anything about this album, let me say that I am so excited that Cudi is finally releasing new music! Speaking for all Cudi fans, we have all been waiting for new solo material from the moon man for the longest time and the few teasers he’s been releasing over the last year, with “Leader Of The Delinquents” and his collaborations with Travis Scott, (“The Scotts”) and Eminem (“The Adventures of Moon Man & Slim Shady”) have not been enough to fully satisfy us. With Man on The Moon III: The Chosen, Cudi fulfills on a promise to his fans he made years ago and gives us quite a lot to digest. However despite how fulfilling this record is, Cudi still manages to leave you on the edge of your seat wanting more and I personally can’t wait to see what he’s going to do next!

1. Beautiful Trip (Intro)

Produced by Kid Cudi, FINNEAS, Plain Pat, Emile Haynie & Dot Da Genius

And it starts...

2. Tequila Shots  ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ 

Produced by Kid Cudi, Dot Da Genius & Take a Daytrip

On this first track Cudi brings us back into the dark world of the moon man but this time with a new outlook. Referencing his previous works, Cudi aims to prove that he’s “not just some sad dude” and feels that despite his mental well being still occasionally being unstable he’s ready for whatever he has to face. What I loved most about this record was Cudi’s consistency. Throughout the years Cudi has mastered the art of having his own unique galactic sound that transcends through all of his music, despite the genre, and that sound is very present here. Along with his classic hums and hypnotic melodies, this track, known as the fan favorite, has the potential to be a classic.

3. Another Day ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

Produced by Dot Da Genius, Nosaj Thing & Take a Daytrip

When I first heard this song, I absolutely lost my shit. Cudi started this album off swinging and I was not prepared for him to go so hard. I’ve had this song on repeat quite a few times since I first heard it and along with the beat being absolutely sick, Cudi is rapping his ass off! My favorite part is when the beat breaks down in the second chorus, and I get hype as fuck every single time.

4. She Knows This ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

 Produced by J Gramm, FnZ & Dot Da Genius                  

This song on first listen reminded me of a song by another of my favorite artists, called “The Let Out” by Jidenna but Cudi took it to a whole other level and isn’t as repetitive. Once the track speeds up Cudi goes even harder with even trippier sounds that will make you feel like you’re driving through space. One of my favorite things about this album is that a lot of the songs change in the middle keeping you that much more engaged in the whole song than to quickly digest it, like a lot of records on mainstream radio. On top of that his bars are on complete fire and it’s always great to see Cudi flex his rapping skill that a lot of people don’t give him credit for.

5. Dive ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

Produced by Dot Da Genius, Anthony Kilhoffer, Aaron Bow & Teddy Walton

Dive ends the first act of the album and serves as Cudi’s goodbye to his fantasy high. The guitar riffs at the beginning of the song is my favorite part and I wish they were made a bigger part of the song. However this song is classic Cudi, I initially thought it was missing something but after listening to it on it’s own a few more times, I feel like this song is absolutely perfect. It’s groovy as fuck and  I think because it kind of ends so abruptly that it leaves a lot to be desired, but that also might have been Cudi’s intent, allowing it to serve as interlude of sorts. I loved the transitional elements through out the song, like when the bass comes in, his adlibs throughout the song and especially the echoing adlibs like, “MOVE, MOVE” “towards the end. It takes a few really good listens to fully enjoy the song as a whole, like it did for me but the more I played the album the more and more I fell in love with it.

6. Damaged ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

Produced by MIKE DEAN, Dot Da Genius & Take a Daytrip

I loved the words to this song and the overall message that Cudi was trying to convey throughout the song, but the song itself didn’t do a whole lot for me until I actually found myself in a similar dark place. It’s one of those classic Cudi records that really makes you sit and reflect on your life and everything you’ve gone through, which was exactly what the song did for me. This song is where the album starts to slow down a bit and Cudi sings and raps about his trials and tribulations of being a damaged man and that sometimes his demons still come back and he has to deal with them. A common struggle most of us who’ve ever dealt with feelings of anxiety and depression all know too well.

7. Heaven on Earth⭐ ⭐ ⭐

 Produced by Dot Da Genius, Anthony Kilhoffer & DST The Danger

This song really didn’t do a whole lot for me but what I loved the most about it again, were it’s adlibs. Cudi really showed out with the adlibs on this album and that’s what made this song enjoyable for me. The song for me just sounded too typical to me but even despite that, it’s still a great track to vibe to, just not something I’d put on my favorites.

8. Show Out (feat. Skepta & Pop Smoke) ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

Produced by Dot Da Genius, Anthony Kilhoffer & DST The Danger

Easily one of my favorite tracks on the album, when I first heard this, I completely lost my my shit and it was almost impossible not to turn my entire bedroom upside down. For one beat is absolutely sick and picks the tempo right back up. Cudi, Skepta and Pop Smoke’s voices are infectious together and everyone shines on this song without any one of them over shadowing the other’s performance. Definite a track to rage the fuck out to.

9. Mr. Solo Dolo III ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

Produced by Kid Cudi, Audio Anthem, Dot Da Genius & Plain Pat

This song is trippy as fuck. From beginning to end this song takes you on an absolutely journey from the chords and the keys and there are no words to describe it. I remember playing this song while I was driving home from work on my scooter at night and man oh man, the vibes this song had was incredible. It made me feel like I was traveling to another galaxy. As a loner, this song really spoke to me and it made me feel like someone else understood exactly how I felt. My favorite part was his scream after the second verse. It made me feel free and liberated and that my feelings in that moment had been validated.

10. Sad People ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

Produced by Dot Da Genius & Take a Daytrip

This song is an absolute vibe. Cudi’s in his bag, back in his zone, as he said and my favorite thing about this song is the chorus. Cudi’s harmonies are absolutely incredible and my favorite part is towards the end of the chorus when the song takes on an eerie west coast like synth and it’s absolutely infectious.It’s like a dark B side to “Cudi Zone” from the first album which is one of my favorite songs by Cudi to this day. It’s songs like this that made Cudi the legendary moon man that he his, in the first place.

11. Elsie’s Baby Boy (flashback) ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

Produced by E*Vax, Kid Cudi, Heavy Mellow & Dot Da Genius

This song sounded like a leftover track from “Speedin’ Bullet To Heaven” and despite how much negative criticism that album got, I absolutely love when Cudi dives into his alternative roots and I really hope he decides to dive deeper into it even further at some point. In this song Cudi sings about his relationship with his mother Elsie and his childhood upbringings. By this it in turn gave me flashbacks to my relationship with my grandmother and my childhood memories which all brought back happy and sad moments for me.

12. Sept. 16 ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

Produced by Emile Haynie, FINNEAS, Plain Pat & Dot Da Genius

What I loved the most about this record was Cudi’s vulnerability. Cudi has a few rare moments on his albums where he actually sings about love and being in love and it’s always great to hear. Cudi’s such a hopeless romantic and I love when he let’s his guard down and expresses his feelings. This song takes me back to “Kitchen” on “Passion, Pain, & Demon Slayin’“ and though I love that song more, this song was definitely cooked in the same pot.

13. The Void ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

Produced by Dot Da Genius, Kid Cudi & MIKE DEAN

The most uplifting song from the album, this song takes me back to some of the vibes from the first album, like his song “Up, Up, and Away”. That was one of the songs in my high school days that made me fully accept myself for who I was, regardless of what people said and this song is just as motivating and uplifting. On the same wave of “Reborn”, Cudi sings about avoiding all negativity on this record and only focusing on the positive. I almost cried towards the end when he thanked us, his fans, for staying with him and never leaving him. It’s a very beautiful song, but I just personally feel like this song should have been the one to end the album or close to end because to me this track is a hard one to follow behind.

14. Lovin’ Me (feat. Phoebe Bridgers) ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

Produced by William J. Sullivan, Charlie Handsome, Rami Beatz & Dot Da Genius

It took a little while for this song to set in for me but after it did, it made me want to cry. If you ever struggled with self-love or self-acceptance then this song is for you. What I loved most about this song was the message because it really hit home for me. It’s a beautiful anthem about finding happiness within yourself that I feel a lot of people will relate to.

15. The Pale Moonlight ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

Produced by E*Vax, Rami Beatz & Dot Da Genius

Wasn’t feeling this one all too much, but what I loved about it most again, were the adlibs. I loved Cudi’s multiple layering of his vocals throughout the song, especially the “la-la-la-la” parts. The sounds very remiscent to some of Cudi’s earlier music and if you didn’t know any better you’d swear this was a leftover track from “The End Of Day”.

16. Rockstar Knights (feat. Trippie Redd) ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Produced by Jenius, WondaGurl, MIKE DEAN, Dot Da Genius & Take a Daytrip

I’m not a big fan of Trippie Redd but I really fuck with his contributions on this song. This is another song where I really loved the chorus and I also love Cudi’s flow once his verse comes in. Cudi’s wordplay is out of this world on this record and it’s hard not to beat your head as Cudi delivers bar for bar for bar throughout his entire verse. Cudi really shines on this record with his skills as a MC and if Cudi ever felt he had anything to prove as a rapper, he definitely did that here. As the song ends it feels like Cudi just turned the spaceship on hyperdrive and took us along for the ride as he drifted further and further into space- Totally sick.

17. 4 da Kidz ⭐⭐⭐⭐

Produced by WondaGurl, MIKE DEAN, Dot Da Genius, 18YOMAN & Take a Daytrip

A song dedicated to the “kidz” reminding us that we are not alone and this song is another song to vibe out to. With instructions from Cudi, to turn it loud if we need to, this song, on the same frequency as “love.” is another song where Cudi is speaking to us as our big brother and giving us a well needed pep talk. What I loved most about it was Cudi’s vocals on the chorus, especially the way he pronounced the “oo” vowel sounds. It was very reminiscent of a Baltimore accent which I always found comical in the best way which is one of things I love the most about Cudi. He’s not afraid to try different things or pull different things from his various influences despite the genre and on this record, he ties them up beautifully.

18. Lord I Know ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Produced by MIKE DEAN, Dot Da Genius, 18YOMAN & Take a Daytrip

Serving as the closer to the album and the man on the moon trilogy, this song is a classic Cudi hym that tells us that we’re not alone regardless of what we face in life. What I liked most about this song was the message, and that’s why I rate it so highly. In this song Cudi expresses being content with the path he’s on at life and after everything he’s gone through, it makes me happy to finally hear that he’s found peace within himself. The song/album ends with his daughter Vada saying, “To be continued” and I can’t wait to see what Cudi has in store for us next. I just have a strong feeling that all of us Cudi fans are about to eat REAL GOOD.

There’s been a lot said about this album, good and bad but I feel this album is merely a taste of what’s to come. Is this record my favorite? No, but what I can say is that it’s an ALBUM, meaning it’s not a group of songs that you can easily separate like many others. This is the kind of album where you have to play the whole thing all the way through time in and time again to really get what Cudi was trying to convey. It’s not a record that you can just play a few times and be done with, no, it’s a grower. There were a lot of songs on this record that I did not like at first, but after having some time to let them marinate, they became some of my favorites and it made me truly appreciate Kid Cudi as an artist because people don’t make albums like this anymore. There’s rare artists that are this detailed with the way the songs transitions, the interludes, and how copacetic the album is in it’s entirety. This album was truly a gift and I can’t wait to see what else Cudi has left up his sleeve.

                                          Top Favorite Songs

                                                  Another Day

                                                          Dive

                                                Tequila Shots

                                             Rockstar Knights

                                                     The Void

                                              Mr. Solo Dolo III

                                  Listen For Yourself Here!

[sativaasiren]

Kid

Relationship: Hawks x Reader

Genre: one shot, hurt/angst

Summary: A companion piece to “Tolerate It” from an alternate point of view. Hawks keeps secrets and lies from Reader while she slowly unravels their relationship. Based on the song “Kid” by the Pretenders (slowed version)

Notes: I wanted to flesh out the scenario I set in Tolerate it with a different point of view. Fic is best enjoyed while listening to “Kid” by the Pretenders (slow live version)

————————————————————————

*Kid, What changed your mood? You got all sad. So I feel sad too*

Takami Keigo was many things, but being unobservant wasn’t one of them. He could pinpoint the exact moment he felt (Y/N) pulling away from him. It was about a year into their relationship, he had been gone on a scouting mission with a few other heroes and was gone for almost 3 weeks. The mission required him to maintain a cover in public spaces, blending into his surroundings.

Hawks looked down at his phone absentmindedly. He had told (Y/N) not to worry but she did anyway. She was always so apt to forge her own path and make her own choices regardless of what he suggested, he loved that about her but they had fought the morning he left.

She had asked him when she could expect him home and what he might want for dinner when he got back but he was up to his ears and snapped at her, the probing questions hitting his patience just right. “How should I know what I would want weeks from now? I’m busy”

Keigo looked up from the paperwork to see her pained expression, and he had to hide how it crushed him inside.

“I understand. I’ll give you some space. I love you, Keigo, please stay safe”

(Y/N) backed away from the kitchen table and headed towards the bedroom.

“Love you too, kid. I’ll see ya later”. He got half of the sentence out before he heard her gently close the door. Keigo had pretended their entire relationship to not be as sharp with his hearing as he was his eyesight. He wanted to protect her and make her feel safe to do things behind closed doors without him listening in.

But he heard everything. He could hear the choked sob that came from deep inside her chest once she felt she was tucked away safely in their room, away from prying minds. Keigo looked back down at the papers scattered around and shoved them off the table.

Hawks was mad at himself. He could feel himself hurting you but was not fully able to stop himself. He wanted to be your protector but it was easier to cut himself off from someone like her, who loved him. Keigo never felt deserving of your love and was quick to show you, prove he was right.

Shaking his head, he returned to the present moment. His phone had been silent since he left, the fight between them laying thick in the air. Keigo found solace being stuck on a mission in a bar right now, and while he was techinically off the clock, he could drown his sorrows as much as he desired. Keigo flagged down the bartender and ordered another glass of Jack, settling into his bar stool.

Hawks had since lost count of the drinks he had. Somewhere between 2 and not enough to get him cut off, but the room seemed hazy and the edges of his vision were softer.

A woman had sat down in the seat next to him and he was completely oblivious to her presence until she tapped on his shoulder. “You’re far too gorgeous to be drinking here alone but that doesn’t seem to have stopped you. Can I buy your next round?”

She was pulling on his jacket collar gently and staring up at him from under her lashes, eyes green and piercing.

Hawks wanted to grab her hand and move it off of him, put an end to her flirtation, but he wasn’t feeling strong enough to resist. He was still pissed at himself, and it had migrated to being pissed at (Y/N). Keigo looked down at his phone and internally announced “If she doesn’t text me in the next 10 minutes, she probably wants me gone anyway.”

Keigo looked back at the woman. “Yeah, another jack and coke. Thanks”

She beamed back at him, hoping that his acceptance of a drink was the next step in this seamless dance they were doing together. Her goal was to go home with the handsome stranger, and she was determined to get her way.

The bartender made Keigo’s order and swapped out his empty glass for the new one. Hawks took the drink and smirked at the lady. “Thank you for the drink...”

“Mami”

“Mami. Mami. Pretty name, I think it suits you” Hawks punctuated his comment with a long sip of his drink, enjoying the way it scorched his insides on the way down.

“Thank you....”

“Kosuke. Name’s Kosuke”

“What are your plans for tonight, Kosuke?” Mami leaned back towards him and resumed fiddling with his collar and fur around the jacket.

Keigo looked down at his cell one last time. Her 10 minutes was up, and he was decided.

“Whatever you want them to be, gorgeous” Keigo sealed his fate and (Y/N) an unknowing participant in his game, was too late to change his mind.

When Hawks finally returned home 4 days later, he had changed. He had begun to dread walking through the front door where (Y/N) was probably waiting, eager to greet him and shower him with affection. It would take more than a small spat for her to break her pattern of love.

His stomach knotted itself while he slowly turned the handle. How long could he keep it a secret?

(Y/N) was standing 3 feet from the door, holding her hands together to calm her nerves. She was always afraid he would come home too broken for time to mend.

Keigo slowly walked through the door and he wished he was anywhere other than home.

“Keigo! I’m glad you came home safely!” She outreached her hands in excitement, reaching for him to come close.

Hawks looked at her for only a moment, making a poor attempt at eye contact. Something was wrong, he may be tired when he came home but this was the first time he was despondent.

“Sorry Kid, it was a long mission and I’d like to get some sleep. We’ll talk later”. Keigo shuffled past (Y/N) with his head hung low, refusing to allow her a look at his face. He shut the bedroom door behind him and Y/N was still standing in place, arms outstretched, processing what had even happened.

*I think I know. Some things you never outgrow. You think it's wrong. I can tell you do.*

Hawks had been home for a few days and had been no more forthcoming than he was when he got home. (Y/N) waited for him to open up about his time away but it never came. She would return home from work to the same empty shell of her boyfriend.

(Y/N) would clean to calm her anxiety, it helped her process her feelings while keeping her focused on a mundane task. Keigo was in the shower and she toiled away on the dishes when a chime sounded from the kitchen. (Y/N) turned the water off and headed towards the sound, assuming it was her phone but she was wrong. On the screen, the notification read:

“1 NEW TEXT MESSAGE: FROM MAMI”

(Y/N) fought the urge to snoop through his phone, but she felt her stomach sink and knew there were very few explanations for why another girl would be texting Keigo. (Y/N) locked the phone to dim the screen and resumed the dishes, stuck on an internal panic that she couldn’t stop. Who was Mami?

Keigo returned to the living room in only a towel, choosing to not acknowledge (Y/N) and heading directly for his phone. (Y/N) was standing over the sink, gripping the basis and trying to steel herself for what she was about to do.

“Who’s Mami?”

Hawks froze in his tracks, staring through your back. What did she say? “There’s no way she figured me out in 4 days. Not possible” he mulled to himself.

After an extended pause used to prep his trail of lies, he started to answer “Mami was another person I worked with on my mission. She was the eyes on the inside. Nothing to worry about”

(Y/N) turned around to face him, eyes growing reflective and watery. She refused to cry to him, reveal her jealousy and her insecurity but it was impossible to hold back everything she was feeling at the same time, one emotion had to leak through the cracks in her wall.

“Is that all?”

*How can I explain. When you don't want me to.*

Keigo nodded slowly. “I love you Kid. You don’t need to worry about me. It’s only ever been you”

(Y/N) grimaced and turned back towards the sink, choosing to believe Keigo over risking losing the one she loved. She kept quiet, softly scrubbing the plates in front of her.

The guilt sank deeper into his bones. He was too far in now, he could never go back. Was this the right choice? He loved her but Hawks knew that what they had came with a fast expiration date, it didn’t matter what they did, it would end.

*Kid, My only kid. You look so small. You've gone so quiet.*

The days felt longer when they didn’t speak to fill the silence. (Y/N) only spoke a fraction of the time she used to. Mostly her repetitive questions about dinner, when he was leaving, would they spend time together before he left. It was what wasn’t being said that sat in the air. If neither of them touched the subject, they could pretend it didn’t exist and they would have to shatter the illusion they were intent on living.

*I know you know what I'm about. I won't deny it.*

Months went on following the new norm. Hawks went away for weeks at a time, distance himself while he was gone, and returned home drunk when he finally decided to go home. (Y/N) was just as doting and loving as she always had been, she refused to give into the dark cloud that hovered in her head. It took all of her inner strength to not ask him where he was and who with upon his arrival. Why ask him if he was going to lie anyway? What good would it do?

Keigo had been playing charades his entire life, this was no different, but (Y/N) could throw a curveball into his web and tear a hole in it with a single question. The more he lied, the more she pieced together why. Some nights, it was too hard to lie to her. To give her the comfort she was so craving. After about 4 drinks, his softness rotted away and all that remained was his sandpaper exterior.

Hawks had come home late one night, a bit weak on his feet but still mobile. He was drunk, and only the door frame was holding him upright.

He stumbled his way to the kitchen table and dropped into the chair, groaning and nursing a headache.

(Y/N) stood in the hallway, watching him from afar. He caused quite a ruckus trying to come inside and it had interrupted her reading. She was worried, and she wanted to bring him a glass of water and some medicine. (Y/N) didn’t hesitate this time, she loved taking care of him, and it would take a lot more than deception to break her love for him.

She walked past him to the cabinet and took out a small glass. Filling it up at the sink, she set it down in front of him and went to the medicine cabinet to grab him something for his pain. (Y/N) returned and gently set the pills next to the glass.

Hawks reached over and grabbed them from the table, grazing his hand against hers. Something inside him snapped, she was warm and he had forgotten, and soon she will be gone. His eyes went dark and he smirked at the glass of water, reaching for it and popping the pills into his mouth.

“Thanks Kid.”

“Can I ask you something?”

Keigo shut his eyes and stopped breathing for a moment. He knew he was going to be backed in a corner but he couldn’t take any more time to process without making the situation worse.

“Yeah, what?”

“Do you even miss me when you’re gone doing God knows what?”. (Y/N)’s voice was cold and seeping with anger. She had surprised herself, not expecting for that choice of words and tones to leave the confines of her mind.

Keigo opened his mouth like he was laughing but no sound came out. He was pissed at and for no valid reasons. She was asking him something she earned the right to ask but he was mad she was doubting him. The hypocrisy of his thoughts didn’t go unnoticed but he started to speak before he was finished. Time’s up.

“Only sometimes”

(Y/N) flinched like she had been hit. She reached her fingers out towards him and crumpled them into her palms. She would not touch him this time.

She slowly retreated for the safety of the bathroom, locking the door behind her. She barely finished the task before gripping onto the counter and crumpling to the floor, sobbing into her elbow in a poor attempt to hide the sound. Her world was crumbling in around her, and she still loved him.

*But you forget. You don't understand. You've turned your head. You've dropped my hand.*

(Y/N) stopped asking questions about Keigo’s alter life outside of their shared apartment. The answers were killing her but she couldn’t let him go just yet. She would need time to brace herself, steel against the pain in her chest, and leave.

Hawks could tell he was going to lose (Y/N). She spent their time home together in silence, wanting. When he returned home, she only held his hand for a moment and then retreated to the kitchen, finishing dinner.

Keigo stopped sleeping. Who knew that this choice in the vats of many would be the one to kill him and keep him awake. (Y/N) was asleep soundly beside him, curled into a ball, and he watched her breathe. Hawks reached out a finger and gently brushed her arm, stroking in straight lines from shoulder to elbow. “If this was a different life, and I was a different man, we could have been perfect. But I can’t be who you need.” He whispered to himself, barely audible.

*All my sorrows. All my blues. All my sorrows.

Hawks kept drinking and every time he got drunk, he would black out and go home with someone. He had lost count of how many women or men it had been so far. Anything to numb how he felt inside. Keigo never thought he would be deserving of love and he was out to prove it.

(Y/N) had been packing in small amounts. Drawers that he never used, boxes from under their bed, things tucked in the back of the closet. She slowly packed pieces of her life away and traveled them to her new apartment. It wasn’t far from where you were and made it easy to smuggle out her belongings. (Y/N) wanted to leave but she needed time to do it.

Hawks noticed things going missing when the books on the shelves seemed fewer. Then he started pacing around the house while (Y/N) worked, searching for what was gone. After discovering that more of her things were gone than remained, it dawned on him where this was headed. She’s going to leave soon. I made her leave.

*Full of grace, you cover your face.*

Keigo returned home drunk once again but this time (Y/N) didn’t seem as cold as she had been. She was red in the face, flushed, and trembling slightly.

“Keigo, I made dinner if you’re hungry?”

Keigo looked over at her on the way to the couch, but it overwhelmed him. He needed to get the hell out of there fast.

“I’m only home for a few minutes before i’m going back out. I have plans”.

“Oh okay, I was hoping to spend time with you today. Maybe later then?” (Y/N)’s voice cracked when she got to later then, it was a piss poor attempt at courage but it was all she was capable of.

Keigo didn’t reply, just exhaled loudly. He was tired of playing games and lying to you but it had to be done. Hawks sat up when his phone started to buzz on the coffee table. He snagged it up and looked at the message lightning fast and made his way back to the front door.

You shakily reached out towards his back and retracted your hand before he saw. “I love you, Keigo. Please be safe”

Keigo slowly smiled at you and replied with his usual comment. “Love you too, kid. I’ll see ya later”

Keigo rushed out the door and into the alley near their house, hoping for privacy. Once he was midway through and in the darkest part of the alley, he punched the wall and threw his phone into the cement. I love her and I made her leave me. Hawks started to break down, holding his face in his hands and crying. “I wanted to love you but I was kidding myself. I don’t know how to be the man you need me to be.”. Keigo shook his head violently and jumped off for a flight to somewhere, anywhere but this neighborhood. It all reminded him of you.

*Kid. Precious kid. Your eyes are blue but you won't cry I know. Angry tears are too dear. You won't let them go.*

Keigo came home late that night, sneaking into his house quietly. He made his way to your bedroom and saw your sleeping form in bed. Hawks couldn’t bear sleeping next to you tonight when he was still raw from earlier. He slipped off his jacket and boots and curled up on the small loveseat you had by the window. It smelled like (Y/N) and lulled him to sleep.

Keigo woke up when he heard movement. He opened one eye to see the bed empty and the house dark. He closed his eye again and squeezed them shut. It’s today.

Time moved slow while he waited to hear the door open and shut, shutting you out of his life forever. His eyes closed, he pictured your face on your first flight with him, full of joy and excitement. Keigo saw that light drain out of you, and he was to blame. This would sit heavy on his soul for the rest of days.

He heard a soft squeak at the doorway and knew you were standing there.

“I love you, Keigo. Please be safe”. (Y/N) whispered.

Keigo listened for her receding footsteps and heard the click of the front door lock. He stared up at the ceiling, cursing himself.

“Love you too, Kid. I’ll see ya later”. Keigo whispered to the empty room, wide awake. She was gone, and he was alone.

[hinac0lada]

debunked

RISS’ NOTE: a small drabble for my grande king<3 happy bday bubu i’m so proud of u and i lob u mwa

ALEX’S NOTE: the flavor of this drabble is, chef’s kiss 3000x

CHARACTER PAIRING: oikawa tooru/f!reader

WC: 2.1k

WARNING/s: nsfw/smut, pegging, some dirty talk, femdom,  mommy kink (tooru n reader are aged up)

as always, nsfw will be under the cut!

your sex life with oikawa was beyond one of equipose. you meet each other's needs and desires, aftercare is always the best, and all was roses and peonies. but sometimes, people like to be nosy and assume things about your sex life, putting unnecessary expectations on the two of you. it was all fun and games and you'd usually brush it off, but there was just this one assumption that irked you the most.

‘you think (name) could ever dom oikawa?’

‘with her looks? no way. a total sub.’

who were they to assume your sense of dominance just based on your looks? you weren’t exactly insecure, but for some reason, the comment disturbed you in ways you would’ve never imagined. it ignited this burning passion, this desire to prove them wrong. to debunk all those theories - that were undoubtedly wrong.

and so this leads to the both of you to start this conversation that is taking place in your shared bedroom.

“soo, pegging right?” oikawa cups a hand on his chin as his expression turns into one of contemplating his decision.

“can’t say i’ve tried it before.”

you roll your eyes, crossing your arms as you stare him down. “you don’t have to do it if you aren’t ready, babe.” he scoffs at this, jutting out his bottom lip as his face scrunches up in protest.

“i’ve been ready, baby-”

“but are you sure?” you cut him off with a concerned yet somewhat shy look, tone full of wary. he chuckles at this, any sign of teasing gone as he takes your hands to cradle them close to his chest.

“there’s no one else i’d trust with this more than you, love.” a faint blush blooms from the soft gesture, still maintaining eye contact with the brunette. you give a small smile, pleased with his answer.

“i’m glad. there’s no turning back after this, okay?” he gives a firm nod at this, beaming. “mhm! i’ll get my turn after right?”

you pull away, standing up as you reply with a giggle. “of course, tooru. as many rounds as you like.” he silently cheers at this, stripping off his shirt and shorts as he sends you a bashful look.

“mind you, i haven’t really done this before so… be gentle, baby?” you stripped along with him, dropping the articles of clothing on the floor. “no promises babe, but i’ll try,” you cast a small wink with a cheeky grin.

“what should our code be?”

“our safe word could be emerald?” he suggests, now free of his clothes as he kicked them away with his feet. you nod and made your way to the cabinet where the stuff you needed was stored in. “emerald it is.”

you rummage around the cabinet to look for the strap, smiling lightly to yourself. “i won’t lie, i’m kinda nervous,” he hums at this, dipping by your shared bed as he patiently waits for you to retrieve the godly piece of silicone about to be placed right up his ass. if you enjoy it, who was he to complain? 

“you and me both, love. but do let me prep up - do we have any lube around?” 

“i think we do! try checking the bedside table,” you looked over your shoulder, eyes leading to the said furniture before turning back to search for the device. he wordlessly turns his gaze over to the mentioned furniture, hands trailing over the drawer and pulling it, noticing the required item they needed for preparation. he takes it out, pleased that there was still a generous amount inside the container. “i got it.”

“nice, well.. i found it,” you stood up, turning to face the male, teasingly displaying the main star of tonight's show. “isn't it a beauty?” he turns his gaze towards the plastic dildo, giving it a once over with a small snicker. his dick was still bigger after all.

“how cute.” he comments. you roll your eyes, letting out a small giggle as you walked over to where he was situated, giving a gentle kiss on his forehead. “your dick is still bigger, yes. don’t let it get to your head.”

“it should be basic knowledge,” oikawa leans in to snag a kiss from your lips before handing the bottle of lube over to you. “prep me up, baby.”

“alright, tiger,” you opened up the bottle full of lubricant, coating a generous amount on your fingers before sitting down in front of him, pulling him closer. “tell me when it hurts baby, i don't want to hurt you okay?”

he gives a nod, leaning in to kiss her cheek as he shuffles even closer. “mhm, i will. emerald, okay?” he asks again for reassurance.

“emerald,” and with that, you slowly insert a single digit inside his tight hole, peppering kisses along his neck; occasionally sucking on certain spots. he lets a small grunt escape his lips, the unfamiliar but somewhat pleasurable feeling of fingers moving around his butthole was foreign but he takes it nonetheless. pleasured sighs fanned over your head as he let you mark his neck.

“do you feel good, baby?” you mutter in between kisses, leaving love bites on his neck, butterfly kisses tracing his jawline. you took pleasure in hearing the sighs of your beloved, enough to spur you on even more as you felt the slight throb of your core in between your legs.

“y-yes, love-” he grunts, feeling your long, nimble fingers stretch his puckered hole in order to prepare him for what was to come. “more, baby. i want more,” 

“hmm? i didn't quite hear you baby,” you purred in his ear, a smirk gracing your facial features. it was kinda like payback at this point, recalling the times oikawa would edge you until you’re in tears. 

“you have to earn it first,” you added on, slowing the pace of your fingers to a more painstakingly slow one much to your delight. he whines lightly, hands dipping down to rake his fingernails on the side of your thighs, rubbing his growing erection against your knee.

“please,” he swallows, feeling himself loosen up. “f-fuck me, mommy. please, i want you to fuck me-” he gasps at the slow thrusts of your fingers, feeling himself shiver at the feeling. 

“good boy, you're doing great darling,” you placed a kiss on his lips, free hand making its way to his pulsing cock, slowly rubbing the head in the process. you gradually quickened the pace of your fingers.

“how do you want me to fuck you tonight baby?”

“fuck me with- with your strap-” he stutters out, feeling his cock twitch against your hand, groaning out praise and pleas as he shuddered in your hold. you couldn't help but chuckle at the state he was in, seeing as he's enjoying himself. you insert another finger inside his tight walls, pace quickening as you multitasked with fingering his hole and giving him a hand job. “loose enough yet, tooru?”

he shivers once more, a flushed expression adorning his pale skin. “y-yeah, i think i'm ready now..” 

“alrighty!” you exclaimed, a little too excited - the giddiness that you felt was overwhelming as you knelt on your knees, adjusting the little device that you were wearing. 

“get on your knees and let me see that cute little ass,” you snicker, patting his rear as he got on all fours. he gave you a look as turned around, getting on the position you requested of him. he turns his head to the side, admiring your profile from his doggy style pose he was under.

you position yourself in front of his hole, [e.c] irises meeting with his own, the glint in your eyes telling stories of excitement. “you ready for me, baby?” he grunts in affirmation, bracing himself. “yes,”

“yes what?” you smack his ass lightly, hard enough to hurt but not enough to leave a mark. he yelps at this, the slightly pleasurable burn tingling his pale asscheeks. 

“y-yes, mommy,” and without hesitation, you slowly let the silicone dildo enter his tight butthole, watching the piece of silicone disappear inside him with amusement. “does it hurt, baby? feel alright?” his grip on the bed sheets tighten, figure shaking a bit at the sudden invasion in his ass. 

“a-a little... just take it slow-” he groaned out, eyes fluttering open.

“i promise babe, just tell me when to move okay?” you lean in to smother the nape of his neck with kisses, caressing his sides to soothe him down. he lets himself have a moment, trying to adjust before he lets out a shaky sigh.

“you can try moving, love. please, make me feel good.” 

“your wish is my command, my pretty boy,” you started thrusting in a slow but steady pace, resuming back to gently bite the nape of his neck to where his sweet spot is. he throws his head back, shuddering at the way your teeth bit down on his neck, knowing exactly where to mark him. “fuck! ahh- more, mommy, more,”

“more, you say?” you pulled out and violently slammed it in again, hoping you didn't hurt him by accident. “shit! fuck yes-” he pants, hole tightening around the strap as his ass slammed against your naked hips.

“how bad do you want it, baby?” you whisper by his ear, before pulling out and thrusting in again, actions getting repetitive. 

“i want it.. so bad-! ram i-it into me, mommy-!”he gasps, ragged breaths leaving his lips as he whines from the pressure building up. you grab onto his hips to control the pace, continuously ramming into his ass, pressing his head down onto the soft mattress. “who makes you feel good like this, baby?” he moans out loud, lewd pleas and erotica echoing left and right as he drowns himself in the pleasure. 

“fuckfuck, you mommy! m-mommy's fucking me so fucking good!”

you quicken the pace at an inhumane speed, the sounds of praises and moans that echoed in the room filled you with excitement, ignoring the tingles on your thighs. “oh yeah? do i fuck you so good to the point you're losing your mind right now?” you emphasize this with a harsh slap on his ass, the impact receiving an immediate reaction from his drunken yelp.

“y-yes, mommy!” he wheezes, feeling his cock twitch from how hard he was of how downright hot the situation was - fucking him like a bitch in heat. “shitshitshit, i-i can't-!” you pull him up using his hair, tugging him close to you, bodies exchanging heat as the room got even more humid. “can't what baby? can't handle this fucking dick inside your ass?” you pant, keeping your pace steady but fast as you bite down on his shoulder.

oikawa arches his back against your breasts, shivering from the heat radiating from their bodies from their aggressive rut. “m-mommy, please- let me cum! i'll be your good boy, i s-swear!” pathetic whines and pleas escaped his lips as his tongue lolled out from his mouth, legs quivering underneath.

“mm, let me think about it, baby,” hearing his whines sent shivers down your spine - one violent thrust after the other, disregarding the weariness you were starting to feel. your only goal was to make him feel good. his cries only grew louder, the pleasurable burn in his butthole catching up to him as he reached down to rub his hard-on, desperate to get off.

“let me help you with that,” you chuckle at his desperation, grabbing his stiff cock to help him reach his climax whilst in the process of catching up to your pace from before. the stimulation from both his cock and asshole was too much, having yet another moan escape from his bruised lips. “fuck, i'm cumming mommy! c-cumming~!” 

“come on baby, cum for mommy,” you pant, sighs escaping your lips before picking up the already fastened and secure pace - ignoring the ache you felt in your legs as you wanted him to reach the climax he’s begged for so nicely. he lets out a few more grunts and moans escape his lips, shaky breaths growing louder as he finally reaches his high, dick spurting out ribbons of cum all over your hands as it dripped to the bed sheets.

after thrusting a few more times, you stopped with a shaky sigh, bringing up the hand previously jacking him off to your mouth to lick up his cum, humming in satisfaction. “you taste so good, my good boy,”

he shivers, panting as he drops down to the bed, spent from being pegged. “th-thank you, mommy,” you remove the dirty strap, stretching a bit to ease the friction from your stiff joints, leaning down to kiss him on the forehead before getting up to clean the hot mess. 

“you did great, my love. i'll run you a bath, okay?” he hums in approval, moving to sit up from the bed. he felt sticky and dirty after all. “alrighty~”

after a few minutes of prepping a hot bath for your lover, you came back from the bathroom and kissed his once bruised lips. “thank you for this, tooru. i love you.”

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[claymorecut]

ONE STEP CLOSER

A GINTSU FANFIC

GINTSU WEEK // DAY 1

PROMPT: LOVE IS DIFFICULT WITH YOU

×××××××

A/N: Gintsu week is here and I'm finally writing this fic. I'm sorry if it feels rushed but I'll try to make a few changes later. College and internship is killing me but I'll try my best to write some good fics for this event. Hope you guys enjoy it! <3

××××××××

"Hey. Do you remember when we inhaled that stupid love smoke thingy back then?"

Late night meets were pretty frequent for them. It was almost midnight by the time Tsukuyo met up with Gintoki in Yoshiwara and well, just like any other time, they decided to spend their time together in a random rooftop. Their meeting sessions were not new at all. In fact, during the last few years, this had become quite a habit of theirs to spend their time together like this. And most certainly, they didn't mind spending their time together at all.

Tsukuyo smiled at the memory of that unforgettable day. How could she ever forget? "Yeah. What of it?"

"Nah. I was just wondering. You inhaled some of that too, didn't ya? And you bascially fell in love with me."

She could hear the clear amusement in his voice. Tsukuyo knew the moment he brought this topic up, he thought of teasing her because apparently she had "fallen for him" after inhaling that smoke which was a really interesting subject for him to tease her about. But in this case, she had the upper hand.

"Well, yeah I did." she admitted. "But at least I was sane enough to not sleep with old women and the Commander of Shinsengumi." And she got back at him.

The quick retort from Tsukuyo suddenly made Gintoki's face fume with unease. It was already dark and the only thing that could help them see a bit were the dim city lights and she was lucky enough to see the view of his flustered face clearly.

Tsukuyo could only snicker as she watched Gintoki cover his red face with one of his hands. "You didn't have to remind me that, woman." His voice was muffled and yet he sounded so embarrassed, it made her heart leap with joy. It wasn't always that the lazy, dead fish eyed samurai felt embarrassed and this was one of the moments she wanted to savour.

Taking a deep breath, Gintoki tried to get his composure back as he now turned to face her. Heavens knew how much he felt embarrassed after that day and if he was being honest, he actually felt like never showing his face at that place ever again. Even though he was still known as Savior of Yoshiwara, Sakata Gintoki felt like he had lost his leftover dignity on that day. And the woman right beside him was only confirming that fact.

However, Gintoki wasn't going to back down. Not like this. "Hey! You fell for my charms woman! That proves how much power Gin-san holds in his looks!"

"And you're back with your miserable comebacks." Tsukuyo sighed.

It was a pathetic comeback he knew, but he had to say something to protect his already lost pride. "Oh just shut up! Not only were all the women of Yoshiwara in love with me but the infamous Courtesan of Death fell for my charms!" Gintoki announced victoriously as he pointed back at her. "That's enough proof for me to say that Gin-san can steal your heart away!"

Betweem his loud laughter, her snickers halted. That day might have been a accident but she knew her feelings for him weren't. Tsukuyo knew this man in front of him was just miles away from her and honestly, she never wanted anything back from him. But as she heard him announce how she had fallen in love with him, the words only made her smile because that's exactly what had happened.

She was in love with him.

"Well, I take full responsibility for that." She replied honestly. "I know I fell in love you that day."

Her voice no longer had the same playful tone and as he heard her sincere answer, Gintoki could no longer laugh. He didn't know what it was but hearing her say "I fell in love with you" only made his chest a little tight.

Are you in love with me..?

"...Seriously?"

For a few seconds, none of them spoke. For all these years, both of them knew that there was always this...tension between them and it was just so unresolved, they could just die in frustration. So much was unspoken between them and yet, none of them ever dared to speak as if thinking they would only make things worse.

This was enough.

This is all I need.

But was it really all that they needed?

"...yeah."

Tsukuyo couldn't stop herself. But she should. "It was a love drug, Gintoki. Of course I fell in love with you after inhaling that."

This conversation was taking a different route and she had no idea how to handle the steering. She didn't want to lie but she just didn't have enough courage to confess the truth.

A small smirk appeared on his face as Gintoki drifted his gaze a little. "Yeah, right." He tried but he couldn't hide the slight distress in his voice. "Well, I did say falling in love is a pain in the ass. Especially when it comes to falling for me. There's just..too much to do."

"It's the same with me too you know."

"Yeah."

"Yeah."

And there was silence again.

"Do you guys still have those incense though?"

But Gintoki decided to break it.

This caught her off guard. "...Eh?"

"I mean.." he was rubbing his neck. He was nervous. "you know we can check it a little and see how it works if we take a small doze of it. Maybe...the results...get different..?"

So, there was something, huh?

He was a strange man. Always living with his oblivious attitude and yet still understanding everything. Perhaps that's what made him this strangely charming man.

Hearing him admit such an obvious thing in such a vague manner suddenly made her chuckle lightly. Tsukuyo rarely chukles but in front of him, she might have shown these happy expressions more than she could keep count of. He was right, loving someone like him was difficult. But that's all the more reason for her to keep understanding him.

"We threw all of that away, don't you remember?"

It was her chuckles that lightened his mood a little and now that she reminded him, Gintoki's face was red again. "Oh, yeah. Yeah I forgot."

"Pfft. It's alright. I didn't know you wanted to try that love incense again."

"Well...I thought it was a good idea with um... Ah, nevermind. Just forget about it Tsukki!"

The discomfort and tension between them was no long as the two once again started to talk in their usual manner. Tsukuyo could just smile back as she saw the man once again smiling genuinely. "Let's go. It's getting pretty late now."

Gintoki nodded "Yeah. Let's get back."

They walked the rest of the way in comfortable silence before they finally reached the exit gate.

"Good night then." Gintoki said.

"Night. See ya later." Tsukuyo said her goodbye as she turned around to get back to the city. But suddenly, she felt a hand grasp hers.

Surprised, she turned around to look at the hand holding hers and then found Gintoki looking at her as she matched his gaze. "I think we don't need the love incense."

Before she could even comprehend what he was saying, Gintoki pulled her close. His eyes were serious and for the very first time tonight, she felt her face growing hot. Her body was so, so close to his and it only made her heart flutter more. When they were at the rooftop, the lights were not as bright as this place and well, they didn't have an audience unlike the Hyakka members here. This only made her face grow mlre red in embarrassment.

"So my charms do work on you without any incense, huh?" Gintoki's face was only inches away as she saw him with his usual goofy smile. He finally got the upper hand now.

"G-Ginto-" her heart was racing as Tsukuyo felt like she was back to the day when she inhaled the smoke and finally came to the realization that she was in love with him. Even looking at him now made her heart flutter and she just felt like hiding somewhere.

She saw him closing towards her left ear, his breathe tickling her a little. "No more pretending." And he finally whispered it.

With that said, Gintoki let go of her hand as he took a few steps away from her.

Tsukuyo's face was so flushed she just wanted to cover it all up in an instant and run away. "W-what are you s-sayin'?" And goodness, she was stammering now!

Gintoki just smirked proudly at her reaction. This was the one thing he had been dying to look at all night. "You heard me, woman. No love incense, no stupid games. The whole love thing might be difficult but if it's you, I'm ready to take the risk."

Turning around, Gintoki finally decided to take his leave. "Next time, it your turn to say it!" She heard him calling her out before turning around the corner.

The loud cheers from the Hyakka members around did not matter as she could only hear his words in repetition over and over again. Tsukuyo just stood there, surprised, flustered and happy, thinking what she'd gotten herself into. Shaking her head lightly, she felt her lips curve upward as she whispered "idiot" under her breathe.

She was in love with a lazy bum and he felt the same way too.

He didn't even say "I love you" and yet he was asking to say that to him next time? He was such a bastard and she was literally an idiot for falling in love with him.

Seriously, Tsukuyo was not used to such conversations or confessions. And she was pretty damn sure that he had no experience in this field too. But no matter how much she denied it, she could no longer unsee the fact that he just stated in front of her.

Maybe love for them was too hard to handle. And maybe that's why, they decided to wait so long so one of them could finally make a move. Maybe it was always there. Maybe, it was just them who kept on refusing what the other might have felt.

But whatever it was, it was now very much clear.

[justsimplypretty]

miss independent - (z.k.)

Storyline: Story about the reader and Zion dealing with him leaving soon for tour. The reader is claiming to be fine with Zion gone but Zion shows her just how wrong she is. 

Author’s Note: After much debate I finally decided to post my first imagine/smut EVER! Whew… this was heated to write though it’s crazy. So open to any feedback or request from you guys. Thanks to all the accounts who convinced me to post! Much love!! <3

*Apologies for any grammatical errors I didn’t catch haha*

Warning: SMUT WARNING 

Word count: 2.6k

It had been one of the most exhausting days at work yet. You couldn’t seem to get anything right and you were downright a complete mess. Emotionally, you felt on edge all day constantly finding yourself aggravated by the smallest inconvenience. Physically, you couldn’t find an ounce of energy to make it through any task. No matter how many Starbucks coffee runs you had your assistant make or how many Instagram scrolling breaks you took to take your mind off of the day, you couldn’t seem to find a fix. It wasn’t until you hopped into your white exterior, leather black interior Range Rover and began driving to you and Zion’s shared penthouse apartment that it dawned on you.

Zion was leaving for tour in the morning and as much as you refused to admit to yourself all day, it was hitting you harder than you anticipated. You and Zion had been together almost two years now. And though this wasn’t your first tour experience with him, it didn’t make you feel any less gloomy about being apart from your best friend for so long.

See, last time he toured it didn’t go so well. Coming home was so lonely, FaceTime with him only made you miss him more. And whenever you did fly to see him preform for the night, it only ended with you in tears, embraced in his arms with a tight hug at the airport the next morning. He hated seeing you like this so much last time that when talk of a new tour began amongst the boys and management eight months ago, he almost backed out. But after much convincing to him that you would be fine and too overwhelmed and busy with work to even be sad by the whole tour, he agreed to go. “I can take care of myself Z I’ll be fine” had become a repetitive phrase for you these past few months. But it wasn’t until this night drive home and a quick glance down at your watch, realizing Zion’s flight left in eight brief hours made you come to the conclusion that you’d been lying all these months. To yourself and most importantly to Zion. You really weren’t doing well with the thought of him leaving. But you knew you had to keep the act up for just a little longer. Just long enough for him to continue believing you won’t be a complete train wreck so he could board the flight. Because you knew deep down inside he would postpone the first few shows if he knew your true feelings.

You pulled up into your reserved spot in the garage of the complex, and immediately pulled yourself together trying not to seem like a thousand thoughts had been running through your head in this short twenty-five minute car ride home. On the long elevator ride up, you prepped yourself with some encouraging, but clearly untrue words. “You’re gonna be fine… he won’t even be gone that long... six months of him living on the road is nothing… you don’t “need” him here to be okay…you can take care of yourself…” you said lastly with impeccable timing as the two elevators doors opened and you stepped into the living room. You threw your black vintage Channel bag down that Zion had bought you a few months prior and immediately began scanning the apartment for him.

You ended up finding him in your shared bedroom, emptying the drawers one at a time setting the clothing into either one of his many suitcases.

“Baby… I didn’t even hear you come in” he said walking over to you as he tossed the t-shirt in his hand back into the drawer so he could hug you. He wrapped his firm arounds around your waist as your hands instinctively wrapped around his neck. He placed a couple light kisses on your cheek before looking back into your eyes.

“Yeah I was pretty silent coming in” you trailed on. You must have had a rather somber tone in your voice when you spoke since it caused Zion to turn his head a little sideways in confusion. You continued talking.

“Um i’m going to take a quick shower so we can head to bed. Gotta be up super early you know.” And before he even got the chance to respond to your rather short comments, you quickly ran into the bathroom, closing the door, and turning the water on high. You let out a huge sigh in relief of having escaped the many questions you were sure Zion had about the way you were acting. Since Zion knew you better than anyone else, you were sure he knew something was up. But again, you just needed him convinced that you were okay enough for him to leave.

You took the longest shower ever in hopes that Zion would be asleep when you got out. That way, you could just crawl into bed question free for the night. You threw on your go to black lace pajama set and opened the bathroom door. You walked into the bedroom to find him sitting with his back against the headboard of the bed, shirtless, scrolling on his phone. You quickly tried to crawl from the bottom of the bed to the top, in a hurry to get to sleep and avoid Zion. But he stopped you half way on your crawl up by his legs.

“Woah woah woah what’s the rush to get to bed tonight?” He said bringing your legs over so you were now sitting in-between his. “I’m just tired Z and we have to be up in a few hours that’s all” you said trying to sound as carefree as possible. “You’re sure that’s all?” he questioned. “Positive” you snapped trying to just end the conversation. “So this has nothing to do with me leaving for tour in the morning right?” he replied catching on quickly to the cause of your unfamiliar behavior. “Why would it? I told you for the millionth time I can take care of myself while you’re gone I’ll be fine” you said with a bunch of attitude, but still not feeling convinced in your own mind. You apparently didn’t sound to convincing to Zion either as he quickly raised a brow at you.

“Really? So what about when you’re bored at home alone?” he said. “Easy, I’ll just call the girls over for a movie night” you said confidently referring to the other girlfriends of Prettymuch.

“Oh yeah? And what about when you’ve had a stressful day at work?” he continued to list. “Simple, I’ll just take the next day off and book a spa appointment instead” you reassured him being proud of your two for two correct answers to Zion’s questions.

“I see… so what happens when you need to feel good?” he teased with a smirk on this face. “When what?” you said acting like you didn’t understand his question when in reality you knew all too well what he was referring to. “You heard me. When you need to feel good…” he continued as he brought your legs from in-between to around him so you were now straddling his lap. “…when it’s late at night and you’re squirming in our bed… and you’re turned on and needing me so bad you just can’t take it anymore” he said in a deeper and slower tone than he had before. “I-I’m going to take care of myself then too” you said slightly stuttering over your sentence. “Oh word? You sure about that baby?” Zion replied as he placed both hands on your ass and continued to rub lightly.

“Yes…why you don’t think I can?” you snapped while trying to avoid the feeling of his hands on your body. “I mean I’m not denying you can but I can promise you one thing…” Zion said. “And what’s that?” you replied rolling your eyes. “It won’t feel as good as having me deep inside you…” Zion whispered into your ear sending chills through your whole body.

Part of you wanted to give into him right then and there and tell him he was right. Nothing felt as good as having him inside of you. But you knew you had to keep him convinced that you’d keep it together without him around. “Oh yeah? Guess I’ll have to show you just how good I can make myself feel” you insisted as you got from on top of Zion’s lap and back in-between his legs. This time, you laid with your back against his now hard as your head rested on his toned stomach. You wiggled your way out of your shorts and began rubbing yourself from outside your laced panties. Zion watched with shocked eyes from above. He had never seen you so determined to prove him wrong. Especially with something like this. He didn’t know what to do or how to feel but what he did know is that you looked insanely sexy touching yourself in-between his legs. You continued going with light moans escaping your mouth.

You were so intent on him seeing you pleasure yourself without his need. “Take them off baby and let’s see what you really got” Zion said as he watched you slide the lace down. You went as slow as possible taking them off, turning Zion on even more than before. Once they were off, you let your fingers continue. You moved two of them in fast motions over your clit just the way Zion would normally start out on you. “Ughhh baby…” you moaned out in pleasure. “Slide your fingers in mamas just like I would do next” Zion snapped with so much lust in his voice it made you more wet with every word. You inserted both of your fingers going slowly as you adjusted around them. Your head flew back and you were immediately met with Zion’s eyes above you.

“I know your body all to well baby…” he said as he begin to whisper into your ear. “…and you’re going to have to go much faster than that if you want to make yourself cum” he continued causing you to pick up your speed. After a few minutes and more encouraging words from Zion, you were a mess laying against him. Moaning and screaming from pleasure. His eyes never left you as if he had never seen something so beautiful yet so sexy in his life. You could feel the effect you were having on him with how hard he was all pressed against your back. At this point you knew, if Zion was the one pleasuring you, he’d stop right here and begin fucking you senseless until you came for him. And that was all you could think about. Him sliding so easily inside of you, stretching you out to this unexplainable yet overly pleasurable feeling. And suddenly, before you knew it, your fingers were no longer filling you up the way you knew only he could. And as much as you didn’t want to and completely refused to do earlier you felt it was only right to finally admit.

“Z baby…” you moaned still fingering yourself getting little to no pleasure.

“Yes angel? What is it?” Zion said as he lowered his face to meet yours. “I-I fucking need you” you surrendered to him.

The smirk that came over Zion was one of complete satisfaction. Zion knew you were a very independent person. You had been long before you met him. It was one of the many things that he adored most about you. You didn’t need him for financial boost, social boost, or even confidence boost. And he knew this all too well. You had all three on your own. But something about you needing him sexually. You being so needy for his pleasure. And you being so willing to do whatever to receive it… drove him crazy.

“Tell me what you need from me (Y/N)” he replied. “I n-need you to f-fuck me please” you continued your stuttering with quick breathes. “Oh but I thought you could take care of yourself babygirl?” Zion teased. “I-I just can’t baby please I’m begging you I need you” you yelled. “Gosh just fuck me Zion” you continued still trying to find the slightest amount of pleasure in your own fingers. That was the last thing Zion needed to hear before he flipped you over, pulled your shirt from over your head, and placed you on all fours.

He got off the bed and quickly removed his pants and Calvin Klein boxers in one quick motion. He then dragged you by your weak legs over to the edge of the bed where he stood, slowing inserting his tip into you. He teased for a little before you lost it. “No teasing daddy ple-“ you tried to say before being interrupted by him slamming into you. He gave you no time to adjust to how big he was. You were a total screaming mess. Profanities flying across the room from both of you as your wetness trickled down your legs. The legs you were certain wouldn’t allow you to walk tomorrow. But you didn’t care. All you could think about was how good your boyfriend was making you feel right now. Going faster and faster as the minutes went on.

“Keep throwing it back for me mamas…” Zion said with breathy moans. You did as you were told and kept it going back for him. He slapped your ass every so often which only made you want to go faster for him. “Gosh you’re such a good girl for me baby you’re t-taking me so damn well… f-fuck” Zion said stuttering from the immense pleasure he was feeling of you being wrapped around him. You knew you’d get a few complaints in the morning from neighbors about how loud you two were being, but neither of you cared.

“Who makes you feel this good baby tell me” Zion demanded as he grabbed a hand full of your hair causing your back to arch. You couldn’t handle the sensations flowing through your body. You couldn’t even form words at this point. “Tell me baby or I’m going to stop and let you take care of yourself” Zion emphasized, mocking your earlier remarks of being able to make yourself feel this good. “Only you Z only y-you.. fuck I’m cumming..” you screamed. “Let it out for me angel... let me feel you cum for me” he ordered. Your climax hit you harder than ever before as Zion followed quickly after feeling you clench around him.

You fell onto the bed, weak legs and all, still gasping for air. Zion giggled as he went over to his suitcase grabbing a t-shirt and shorts, then placing the large graphic tee over your head and the shorts on himself. He crawled into bed with you swiftly facing you towards him and placing a kiss on your head. “How am I suppose to leave you in a few hours after that? You need me baby�� he said with a little sadness in his voice. For the first time all night, you were finally honest with Zion when you said “I need you more than ever…” with so much love in your eyes. “…so looks like I’ll be joining you more on tour than we had originally planned” you continued with a smile. Zion followed you with a smile appearing across his face also. “Sounds perfect to me” he said pulling you into him.

“I love you so much Z” you said. “You’re everything to me baby I love you” was the last thing you remember him saying before your eyelids became heavy and you fell into a deep sleep, feeling at ease with the upcoming tour for the first time tonight.

[sloppy-butcher]

Whats your hcs for Frank, Evan and Herman?? They are my 3 loves so im curious... (love your work ya poes

how old are you sir? I must ask to see ur ID. a babey can’t be using language like that >:(

anyhow, the 3 boys eh? I’ll gladly write anything for them uwu. I’m going to be doing general relationship hc’s so things will probably get fluffy and maybe a little angsty. i can’t help myself sometimes. I’m going to try include one NSFW hc for each of the 3 stooges, so be prepared. it may be bad. the reader will be left as ambiguous as possible

edit: i write way to much :/ i think i should only do 1 or 2 character requests from now on T_T

hope you enjoy!

General relationship HeadCanons

The Legion (Frank Morrison)

With Frank, there was no real start to your relationship. There was no moment in time, no exact, pinpoint instance when one could say that that is when you two starting everything. It kind of just happened. Maybe it was when Frank first kissed you, it felt like fireworks and the snow in Mount Ormond was no longer cold. Or maybe it was when he first saw you dancing along with Suzie to one of her favorite songs, the twirling of your feet mixed with perfectly timed head slams dazzled him and he wanted nothing more than to have you give him a private dance. In the end, these are all speculations and the truth may never be known.

Around others, he was hesitant to show his emotion. You two could be sitting right next to each other your thighs all but alined when out of nowhere Joey sticks his head in. Frank snaps like a mousetrap, retreating back away from you as if he was embarrassed. You confronted him about this, you told him everything’s okay and that no one would judge him for being human. He refused you and, not to lie, it really hurt. But one day, just as you were walking away you felt his hand snake its way into yours. He hesitated for a moment, afraid you might reject him but of course, you gladly wrapped his hand in yours. You heard Joey wolf-whistle from somewhere behind you and Frank very enthusiastically tossed a middle finger at him. You couldn’t see it, but Frank was blushing under his mask.

Franks, not a romantic guy so don’t expect flowers or gifts or really anything nice. He grew up with virtually nothing so the idea of wooing someone with items of material affection is very foreign to him. He believes that if his presence and physical affection aren’t enough to prove to you that he appreciates you, then nothing will. But you never cared about gifts. All you ever wanted was Frank and he couldn’t help but feel giddy at the thought.

!NSFW! Frank was a pretty vanilla guy. He doesn’t have much experience when it comes to the department of extremely intimate affection and therefore knew literally nothing about the pleasures of the flesh. But the keyword here is ‘was’. After meeting you and your guiding hand he blossomed into a very wild and very hungry individual. His favorite position though is when he gets to look at you. And if you call his name he will instantly crumble. Afterward, or during the act you need to reach out and caress him. Touch and explore his body, mainly his face and he’d moan even louder. Your hands are so soft and gentle and when you touch him he floats with elated glee. He feels alive when he’s with you.

The Doctor (Herman Carter)

You would have to be extremely special or out-of-the-ordinary in order to catch the eye of the Doctor. But somehow you managed to do it. Herman was a man unhinged, incapable of empathy and compassion. He never looked at other humans as people with feelings and conscious ideas and thoughts. He only ever saw them and you as test subjects. But something about you was off. You did something that made this machine of a man halt in his pursuit of human torture. What exactly did you do? Well, nothing really. As he approached you, electrical energy between his hands flexing and growing ready to turn your brain to mush, you never screamed, never flinched away and never took your tired eyes off him. The first few times when you welcomed death he didn’t notice and it was only after a significate amount of encounters that finally Herman realized he had never heard your cries of fear and pain.

He would amp up his power when he would find you in trials. He would kill you much more violently than he would the others, make your liquified brain ooze out your ears and make your heart stop and start like a busted old car. Sometimes he would even through away the whole trial upsetting his boss greatly, just to get to you. But no matter what he did, you never offered him what he wanted. You had seen and experienced much worse than him and when death never gives you a release, torture becomes mundane and repetitive. When Herman finally understood that you weren’t afraid of him, he relented, snuffed out his power and walked away. He had his attention now.

Whenever you would visit him during off-time he would follow you as you wandered around the massive mansion known as Léry’s. Sometimes he would lead you, taking you to the rooms which he liked the most (operation rooms). Herman can not talk, the contraption in his mouth has stretched his lips to the point that they can no longer function and his voice box is beyond repair, damaged thanks to his constant flow of electricity that would otherwise kill a man. But he doesn’t need to talk to you. You always seem to know what he wants without hearing a single word.

!NSFW! Sex with Herman is out of the question. The man is pumped with endless volts of electricity and if you were to so much as touch him, your body would recoil and spasm painfully from the contact.  If you ever wanted to experience pleasure from or with the man, he would have to try rein back some of that overflowing energy. But the man is too prideful and would never dare try to cull some of his ability. Unfortunately. But maybe after some time, he might learn to listen. There is no time in the Fog, only eternity and humans were never meant to live for that long. Our minds dull and our intentions warp from the time spent existing and maybe even someone as mad and determined as Herman could learn that it’s not so bad to let others into his life.

The closest you could ever get to kissing Herman is probably just planting a soft peck on his cheek.  A dangerous move considering the possible consequences of actually touching him with such a sensitive part of you, but a risk you were willing to take. One day, however, in the silence and fog of the mansion Herman would reach out for you. He would lean down to your height and very slowly take your hand. There was no static shook when your skins met. He was telling you that he was calm. He would then guide your hands to his mouthpiece and he would tell you to take it off.  Delicately you would peel away the metal from flesh and his mouth would furiously bleed and dretch his teeth with red. When he was free you would quickly meet him and you would hungrily kiss his chapped lips. He would kiss you back, his lips unable to keep up with yours but his tongue is wild and eager. However, after only a minute he would shove you away violently. As you feel the connection between you two break, the space around Herman lits up and crackles with mad energy. You would have to wait for him to calm down again if you wanted to continue your endeavors.

The Trapper (Evan Macmillan)

Despite being one of the most diligent and consistently brutal killers in the realm, when Evan is alone and the only eyes watching him are yours, he is a gentleman. He would speak to you softly, asking about your day already knowing that it was pretty shit. He would hold doors open for you and he would always make sure you were warm, either with a spare blanket or a seat extra close to a fire. He would fuss over you. Your soft skin, so clean and pure, untouched by the horrible and evil ways of the world made him marvel at how human you were. To him, you were what humans were meant to be, good and kind, whereas he was a monster charred and broken, unworthy and incapable of affection and of all those things that were meant to make life wonderful. He wanted to protect you, preserve that softness of you and although he couldn’t do anything to help you when the camera’s all turned back on, during this time he would smother you with whatever cautious and motherly behavior he could muster.

He was drawn to you because of your confident behavior. He found your energy alluring and would always find himself somehow infected by your hope and optimism. You were like a fire, burning everything in your path and he just happened to be close enough to catch alight. In the beginning, Evan would become very annoyed by your seemingly endless ideas of survival but as time went on and you never seemed to dampen like the others he found that his annoyance turned into curiosity. A part of him wanted to know what it was like to be under your light of hope. It yearned to be rescued but a bigger and much louder part of him, a voice oddly resembling his fathers, drowned it out. However, that didn’t stop his feet from walking towards you and it certainly didn’t stop you from staying with him.

In the early stages of your relationship with the mountain of a man, you had to the one initiating affection. You had to be the one to reach out and grab his hand. He would look down at you and you swore you could hear him gasp. And when you would want to hug him, you would either have to wait until he sat down or you would have to climb atop a box. It’s not that he was afraid to reciprocate your feelings, he just felt like he didn’t deserve it. He tried to remain stone-cold and distant hoping that it would detour you and make you give up on him but you weren’t known for ‘giving up’. Eventually, when you refused to leave and he had to accept that you wanted to be with him, all you needed to do for a hug was open your arms wide and beckon him closer with your hands. He would roll his eyes and very stiffly lean down for you. You would eagerly wrap yourself as best you could around his neck and, if you were laughing or in an infectiously good mood, he would engulf you in his own. Sometimes he would even stand up and sweep you off your feet. He would bury himself into your neck,  trying his best to smell you through his bone and metal mask.

!NSFW! This has been said many times before but Evan has handles. Those large pieces of metal piercing his shoulders and down his back. It scared you at first when he suggested you hold onto them, they looked so painful and the skin around the puncture wounds were all puffy and red. He reassured you and explained that he doesn’t feel much of anything anymore. When he said that you looked at him confused then, without thinking, you lean forward and gently place a kiss on the wound. He tries to watch you as you trail butterfly kisses over his exposed chest. “Feel better?” You ask pulling away for a moment. He couldn’t respond, his throat welling up with shook, disgust and absolute fascination. You clearly didn’t care about what he looked like, what kind of monster he had become, and it gave him so much more confidence. Hold on to his handlebars, pull and yank them as he thrusts into you, he likes to feel your weight vibrate through the bars into his ribcage. Evan enjoys the feeling of control he gets when he is the one giving you pleasure and also foundation.

BONUS! Drag your tongue along one of the bars. Make sure his eyes never leave you and when you finally lick the whole length of the metal, plant your lips firmly on his mouth. He will kiss back passionately, amazed at how dirty someone so pure and good like you could be.

[danked-piccolo-shit]

Bigby x Reader ( NSFW )

Hey ! Hope you're all fine and happy out there ! 👋 The kinktober stuff made me want to translate this scenario from my computer. Hope you'll enjoy it.

Warning : NSFW ( some masturbation shit are in this post, kid, don't read it ! 🤔 )

The wolf opened his door, almost sma-

Crack

Well... actually smashing the handle accidentally in his action.

Another shitty night for the Fabletown's Sheriff, now thinking how he was going to explain this tomorrow. This was the 3rd time in a week, after all.

He entered the apartment, letting an annoyed sigh to escape from his lips as he cracked the bones of his neck. He picked up the phone, leaving it on the table before entering in the kitchen, this was a kind of ritual he use to do at the end of the day, without even noticing doing so. But after a long day of work, he just wanted to be ... quiet, and embrace the loneliness in which he had plunged for all these years.

Some whiskey would be welcome. If there were any left. A quick visit from Colin wasn't something unusual, after all, and this pig was a real pain in the ass, sometimes. A shy smile slowly came to lift his dark circles as he opened the closet. There were still some left, and plenty by the way ! Even if the sheriff couldn't recall when he went to the grocery store for the last time. The fridge was totally empty, apart from an old bottle of ketchup, and he couldn't rely on the freezer to offer him something to eat either...

The reflection of his cigarette shimmered in a glass now full of the oh so precious alcohol, which gradually became more of a painkiller for Bigby over the years rather than a real source of pleasure or relief.

He then set out to settle on this good old armchair, which will have another taste of the blood of the fable this evening.

2, maybe 3 broken ribs, some bloody phalanges and let's not even talk about his shirt.

Fed up... Bigby was fed up...

"Can I really go on living like this?" whispered the wolf under his breath, before finally grabbing this precious painkiller of his.

The truth was he didn't know himself what to do. He sweared to protect everyone, and he will continue... Until the sweet death finally come to take him, and put an end to his long and painful agony.

He dared to confront his reflection in the half-empty glass, before turning away from it a few seconds later. It might be time to have a shower, he thought out loud. To wash away the blood, and, kinda help with the smell too.

He quickly opened his window, which offered him a scent far more delicate than the one of whiskey on his beard. It seems you have been cooking something recently, but it wasn't the smell of tasty food that has made the wolf close his eyes to sniff more, and which started to make him shiver in ecstasy. It was yours.

Your so precious perfume... So lovable, so tempting ~ God, was he happy to be your neighbor from below. Be able to smell you before he goes to bed, or, at least, tries to... Trace your exact position in your apartment just by earing the sweet sound of your feets, making the wood cracking gently just above from where he was.

If he listened to his instincts, the only thing he wanted to do with you now ...

Was to take you away, far, really far from these rotten apartments, to steal you tonight and never going back, so that you can finally be happy with him, your mate for life. Bigby took only a few moments to get out of his fantasies. It was crazy to think about it, and he knew it ... Unfortunately all too well.

His cigarette ended up in the ashtray, and his half-empty glass will have to wait until his shower was over. Just leaning forward was enough to make the wolf growl in pain, but he got up anyway, now realizing the need to do laundry if he didn't want to start some half-naked investigating tomorrow.

So he went to the bathroom, rediscovering it by the way, before heading to the machine. A sound of water coming from upstairs was enough to dissipate his thoughts just before he presses the start button.

Uncontrollably, Bigby started to focus, surprising himself to be now able to distinct your breathing and even your heartbeat with the constant falling water. The walls truly were paper thin, after all...

Sudden hoarse breathing echoed in his ears, pushing him immediately into alertness. Did something happen to you ?! The pressure on his shoulders vanished the moment he could sense you were uninjured, and not seeming anxious.

False alert, and it was clearly for the best... But...

Why were you panting, then ?

Your heartbeat went madder, just like your breath... That's the moment Bigby realized you weren't actually in the shower. The falling water sound was way to constant...

A clang of clothing was enough to give rise to a hypothesis in his head. "No, no, Bigby, stop, you're disgusting, there is absolutely no chance of that happening..."

That's what he told himself before he started blaming his fatigue for his perverted spirit.

You drove him crazy every day and he knew it. But ... to the point of imagining that ?! God, he was tired.

" Hn ~ ♡ "

Instinctively, he stopped all movements, mentally praying for the first time in his life to have heard well. You were... doing it... like... really ?!

Bigby closed his eyes again, letting his hearing refine itself some more while the growing bulge in his pants already led him to the point of no return. This strange sensation he hadn't felt for years could only assert itself more when a squishy sound resonated in his ears. And that had nothing to do with the water that was still flowing...

" Shit.... "

The wolf took an immediate support against the wall, letting himself slide down to the ground as he cursed the sound of his belt which came to smother another one of your cries.

You were really masturbating, and Bigby was the only one that could hear you...

Without hesitation, he threw his hand into his pants, wedging his breath on yours not to miss the next moan as he started to pleasure himself.

" Aah ~ "

Here it came.

Being able to clearly hear this one was so satisfying for Bigby. And so, so good too. The Sheriff could not help but harden over the seconds as he could now trace each passage of your delicate fingers on your juicy entrance.

These repetitive noises... Your jerky breath... Your soft moans so inaudible that they were even more precious ... You really wanted it so badly ~ ? The wolf didn't knew this side of your personality until now, but he clearly wasn't going to complain. Nevertheless, he was curious to know who you were thinking of when you did this, and the mere assumption that it was him ended all other acceptable answers for Bigby.

" Hmmm ~~ "

He gave himself thoroughly despite his injuries, guided by his imagination and determined to silence the voice that ordered him to go upstairs and help you satisfy your reciprocal urges. To make your skin dance on his, while preventing you from holding back your cries by the simple pressure of his hands on your hips. He could finally kiss you, caress you until dawn...

Horny like he was now, if he really go upstairs, it wouldn't be just the building that would hear you scream in a mix of pleasure and pain, but the whole fucking town. Even his fear to break you in the action excited him more, in theory. His left hand that was resting on his knee threatened to lacerate it as his claws began to come out. Never in his life the wolf wanted to bang someone so badly. You weren't his mate for nothing, after all...

A special rhythm of breathing proved to Bigby that you were reaching your limits. Already? At this point, he could've made you climax twice before starting to reach his own. With a growing smile on his lips, the wolf calculated approximately. 3... maybe 4...

" Ah- Aaah, fuck ~ ♡ "

Definitely 4. He could make you beg for mercy 4 times before he finally liberate you from his grip, and fill your delicious belly with all his semence as you'll let your ultimate moan resonate in the room. He could already see your legs trembling in your succession of orgasms, while his full erect cock will force him to impregnate you like the animal he was, to mark his territory and claim you his for all eternity.

The wolf bit his lip until blood, vainly retaining a grunt to escape. Even if you had already finished, and was finally going to have a shower, Bigby took advantage of the fall of your last clothes to give him the impetus to finish alone. The falling water calmed down as you entered it, making Bigby understand that he'll not have the chance to have a round 2 this night... Or enough alcohol into his veins to dare going upstairs and make your body bend under his touch.

So he kept drowning in his fantasies, restraining himself from grunting or breaking the wall that was still his support as he remembered your needy moans.

Bigby's knee was now in blood, and hazard made him reach his limits when you cut off the water.

He desperately tried to sniff your scent when he finally came, much harder than expected, a little bit disappointed that you went to bed this early and were already far asleep. But, hey, he couldn't be mad at you, not when you just saved his evening like this ;)

The first thing he did when he opened his eyes again was to look at his ceiling, smiling wildly at the thought of what happened.

" Good night, (Y/N) "

_________

Hope you enjoyed it so far ! Thanks for reading, and remember that he still hasn't launched his laundry machine yet ! So be careful of shirtless Sheriff from now on ;)

[theonceoverthinker]

When Will My Life Begin? (Fair Game, 15/?)

Summary: Tangled AU. Clover Callows has been confined to a tower for all of his life, and given the threat that his Uncle Tyrian says his semblance poses to his safety, he accepts that fate. It’s the only life he’s ever known, after all. But when he’s offered the opportunity to fulfill his greatest dream after a chance encounter with a thief -- or bandit, as Qrow Branwen insists there’s a difference between the two -- both Clover and Qrow will discover joys that they never knew life could offer them before.

AO3

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Clover took pride in the fact that in the three hours since he left his tower, he’d proven himself to be rather brave. He actually left the tower itself by freefalling from the top by Kingfisher’s line, let himself trust another person to guide him to the lanterns, and even confronted that same person over their roguish past.

It couldn’t be said that Clover didn’t have good reason to be impressed with himself.

However, as he stood in Lil’ Miss Malachite’s, watching his guide get trapped in place by the rowdiest people Clover had ever seen in his life, he imagined he could be forgiven for forgetting all that bravery he’d built up.

Everything was so dark, and everyone was so loud, their voices only slightly blurred by the sound of Clover’s heart all but pounding ceaselessly right in his ears with the force of a falling dictionary.

Damn it, Qrow!

What was he thinking, taking them to this place? 

Clover imagined Qrow probably thought he could get him to back out of their deal and give him his satchel back by showing him the exact types of people he confessed to fearing most. Well, the joke was on him, because as soon as Clover picked up on that notion, he made it clear to Qrow that he had another thing coming!

But then Qrow brought up a frustratingly good point -- there were sure to be a lot of other people in the capital that acted like these miscreants did. If he couldn’t handle them here in a small little tavern, what would he do then when he was in the larger town?

It was an admittedly good question, one Clover couldn’t really think about before Qrow was captured and Clover was left to fend for himself.

Either way though, one thing was for certain -- Qrow was a jerk.

However, he was also a jerk who knew his way to the lanterns. Clover knew he meant what he told Qrow: He wasn’t going home without seeing them, no matter what. 

Besides, though Qrow was a jerk and a thief -- or rather, a bandit, as he claimed -- the sight before him didn’t feel right.

Clover had overpowered Qrow plenty of times today, both physically through his capture and mentally through his hidden satchel and deduction skills. However, for as many times as he defeated Qrow in just that short window of time, Qrow had never made an expression that was anything like what he currently sported. 

As Qrow tried to wrestle out of the tight hold imposed on him, there was a helplessness in his eyes, a lack of hope that complemented the sparks of fear that overran his face. It was nothing like the Qrow he’d spent the past few hours with -- instead, one filled with panic that felt cruelly unnatural.

Even outside of his desire to see the lanterns, Clover couldn’t let whatever was causing an expression like that go on.

No, he had to do something.

Raven seemed to have an idea, signaling her view on what they should do by giving Clover’s collar a loose tug towards the door that led out of the tavern.

To that, Clover shot her a deadpan look.

Honestly…

“We’re not leaving him here, Raven,” Clover stated, his tone frank and definite.

Birds couldn’t roll their eyes, but Raven all the same communicated the sensation without even doing it just before letting go of Clover’s collar.

Clover looked at the sight before him. 

People were surrounding the kerfuffle being created by Qrow and his captors. Among the many others in attendance, the group that approached Clover when he first entered the tavern were there.

However, while they were absolutely interested in seeing what was going down, they didn’t seem that excited, or even happy about it.

It made them seem so tired, so resigned, so different than what they were like when he first met them.

In fact, looking around the room, Clover could see that no one really appeared in favor of what was happening, not even the woman -- Robyn, he believed her name was -- who led the group who captured Qrow, nor anyone in that group itself.

Weren’t they at least going to get a reward for this, judging by what their boss said? Shouldn’t that have made them just a little more sold on the task at hand? 

Clover had to admit, the attitudes towards such an order even in the face of payment seemed a far cry than what Uncle Tyrian had taught him to expect from situations like these. 

Then again, Qrow didn’t have a lucky semblance. He supposed there was more empathy his fellow humans were willing to give those who didn’t have so tantalizing a prize within them.

However, as resigned as he was to think about how he was just an exception to this new revelation, Clover had a thought that he chose to focus on instead: Maybe, he could use the reluctance of those around him to get himself and Qrow out of this mess.

It wasn’t going to be easy, and he had no idea how he was going to pull it off, but he also knew he was going to try anyways.

Looking ahead, Clover surveyed his options for those to recruit for help. He couldn’t tell anything about most of the tavern’s other patrons, but some stood out, namely the group he and Qrow ran into when they first came into the place.

Well, they did want to talk to him…

They looked calmer than they did initially now, but all the same, Clover had only talked to Qrow and Raven since he’d left the tower. Raven was his friend and in addition to the advantages and leverage he held over the latter, Qrow proved quickly to not be dangerous -- a jerk, yes, but not a dangerous one. These guys were going to be different. Not only did he not know them -- and what he did know of them was...a lot to handle, but he was in their territory, and there were four of them against himself and Raven. 

Clover gave a glance Qrow’s way -- reminding himself of both his moral and selfish obligation to end this -- and made his way over to the group. 

With their attention towards Qrow and his captors, the group paid Clover no mind as he approached. That worked out well enough for Clover, who was still trying to figure out just how to initiate this conversation. 

Everything that came to mind sounded so stupid. Why would they help him of all people? On top of barely talking to him, he was just some random guy who ran away from them -- he wasn’t sure he’d be so inclined to help himself either after that. And it’s not like he had anything to offer them for their help apart from maybe a good recipe for bread rolls.

He couldn’t do this. Qrow was going to go to jail, and he was going to lose out on his dream forever.

Could he even navigate himself home from here? It wasn’t like anyone could help him, and sure, he put a few landmarks to memory, but that was only going to get him so far.

Uncle Tyrian was right. He never had a chance of surviving outside of the tower on his own.

So much for his bravery…

Suddenly, someone moving from across the bar accidentally pushed Clover to the side, inadvertently knocking him right into one of the group member’s backs. Clover backed away quickly, but the damage had already been done.

Upon being hit, the group member jumped in place, letting out a shapeless exclamation before slowly turning around.

It was the girl from earlier...the especially loud one…

Clover was pretty sure her name was Nora.

“Ooh!” she said upon recognizing him. “Look, guys! It’s that weird stranger from earlier!”

Immediately, the rest of her friends’ turned around to face him.

Clover knew having the group’s eyes on him was something he should have expected if he wanted to enlist their help, but it didn’t make the actuality of it happening any less scary than it was.

Gods, what he would give for some water right now.

Looks like whether he wanted it or not, that very bravery Clover was about to abandon was going to be thrust upon him.

Lucky him...

“Hi,” Clover squeaked. 

He waited for a second, hoping one of them was going to say something.

None of them said anything.

Where were the chatterboxes he’d encountered when he first came in here?

Damn it.

“Look, I need your help,” he said, suddenly finding himself able to speak quite a lot, probably as compensation for how quiet they were. “My name is Clover and that guy they have bound up is my guide and I know he’s a thief or a bandit or whatever and it’s going to be really, really hard to save him with all those people in the way trying to get that reward, but I need him to take me to see the lanterns tomorrow because I’ve been dreaming about them my whole life and this is going to be the one chance I’ll ever have to see them up close and in person. I don’t know if you’ve ever had a dream like that, but this one means everything to me, so will you please help me?” Upon finishing, Clover took a deep breath. He was pretty sure he’d picked up the speed speaking, but he got the sense that he got a lot faster than even he thought he did.

Well, at least he didn’t mumble…

Uncle Tyrian could at least be proud of him for that...once he got over every other rule Clover broke today.

For a moment, none of the four of them said anything. 

Clover bit his lip. Had he said too much? Did they, in fact, ever have dreams like that? Were dreams even valued by those outside the tower, or was Clover an anomaly in that regard, only admiring them because they were some of the very few things he had to get himself through the lull of repetitive days and years?

The group’s other girl -- Pyrrha, if Clover recalled correctly -- let out a somewhat despondent sigh. 

“We know about dreams,” she said. “We’ve been fighting for ours for years now.”

“But to no luck,” one of the boys -- Ren, Clover was pretty sure -- added.

“W-what’s your dream?” The question left Clover’s mouth before he could even think about it, but he dared not take it back, somewhat because he still didn’t know what to make of this group, but mostly because that question allowed him to pursue an opportunity to experience something that didn’t come by his way that often -- someone else talking about their dreams.

Uncle Tyrian had talked about his dreams a bit -- for Clover to remain safe and happy in the tower for all of his days while he took care of him or for a world that didn’t care about semblances -- but it was always so vague and in the former case, it was a dream that they were actually living.

But to hear someone else, and not just one other but four others talk about their unfulfilled dreams was something Clover never knew he wanted until it was something he had the chance to hear for himself.

“We want to defend Remnant from evil!” Nora called out, raising a large hammer in her hand. Quickly, Clover backed away, intimidated by its size.

Uncle Tyrain wasn’t wrong when he spoke of the weapons of those outside the tower. The hammer that Nora held in her hands could probably separate a man’s head from his shoulders, and Clover needed both of those things intact.

However, while Nora raised her hammer, she didn’t attempt to hurt Clover, nor anyone else with it. She was just kind of showing it off before settling its head back on the ground a few moments later and balancing her hands on the base of the handle. Clover had to admit that once his shock had worn off, she looked like a hero from a book yielding such a behemoth. The other’s weapons, still in their sheaths, looked great as well.

Fighting evil, huh?

“That sounds amazing,” Clover said, unable and unwilling to prevent the smile on his face from growing.

“But the only problem is that the royal guard doesn’t consider us ‘couth’ or ‘soldierly’ enough to fight alongside them,” the final member of the group, Jaune, sadly interjected. 

“Even though we’ve got the fighting chops,” Nora countered.

“And the desire to help,” Pyrrha added.

In all fairness to their group, the royal guard -- whoever they were -- weren’t entirely wrong. This team that he’d seen in just those short moments they’d interacted with was unabashedly loud, eccentric, and definitely didn’t look all that interested in following rules. No, they just looked like they wanted to do good for the world as they saw fit.

Clover admired that, and right now, that kind of attitude he needed in abundance to fulfill his dreams.

Perhaps it was the attitude that best suited them towards their own dreams, as well.

“Well,” Clover said, “can’t you just fight without them?”

“Fight without the royal guard?” Jaune repeated. 

“No one’s fought outside the purview of the general before,” Ren said.

Clover shrugged. “Is there any reason why you can’t be the first? You already have a team, you said yourselves that you’re willing to face evil, and if you’re as good as you say you are -- and with weapons like that, I’d bet you are -- then there’s no reason you shouldn’t be allowed to be heroes of Remnant in your own right! And if the royal guard doesn’t want you, well, then that’s their loss, right?”

Jaune released a hum, followed by Pyrrha, followed by Nora, followed by Ren.

In front of Clover, the group exchanged looks with each other, their frowns slowly rising until they became smiles.

“He’s right, you know,” Pyrrha said, waving an agreeing hand . 

“There’s nothing illegal about it, after all,” Ren supplemented. 

“General Ironwood’s not going to be happy about it,” Jaune said, all the while sporting a smirk that all but shouted how little he cared about that.

“Well,” Nora replied, shooting her friend a knowing smirk, “then he needs to write some better laws in the future because the Juniper Jaggers aren’t about to let anyone tell them ‘no’ so easily anymore!”

Jaune, Pyrrha, and Ren gave a holler, and even though he didn’t join in, Clover could feel his cheeks pinch from how big he was grinning. 

Everyone then turned to Clover, and this time, he didn’t feel intimidated by the action.

“So,” Nora continued. “How about in return for reviving our dream, we make our first mission helping you save yours?”

Clover smirked. “To that, I’d say, ‘what do you have in mind?’” 

Nora signaled for Clover and her teammates to look at Lil’ Miss Malachite, who was presently looking at Qrow with a greedy, sinister gaze. 

“Robyn and her team aren’t bad, they’re just following their boss’ orders, but without her, they’ll change their tune quickly enough,” Nora said. “If we can get her away from them and Qrow, then we can unleash our secret weapon and get him free.”

“Secret weapon?” Clover asked. 

In truth, he was eager to hear about how the Juniper Jaggers would fight them off. 

Did they have a team attack? Did they have an ancient trinket or a powerful weapon to exchange for Qrow’s freedom?

“Yup. You.”

Clover blinked.

There is no way he heard that correctly.

“I’m sorry. What?” Clover questioned, begging to the Gods and his semblance alike that he misheard what she’d said.

“You were able to convince us to help you,” Jaune said. “No reason why you can’t do it with everyone else.”

That begging apparently went unheard.

Stupid semblance.

Stammering, Clover tried to come up with an objection. 

“I-I can’t-”

“Sure you can!” Pyrrha said, waving a dismissive hand. “Just talk to them! They’re more receptive and kinder than they look.”

“But you guys know them be-”

“They’re not going to listen to us,” Ren said, interrupting him, though blushing immediately afterwards while whispering an apology.

“For some reason, they think we’re annoying, so they just drown out whatever we say,” Jaune explained.

“But you’re new and interesting!” Nora countered.

“And you haven’t worn people out yet,” Ren added.

“Not to mention, you’re kind of good looking with those muscles of yours,” Jaune admitted.

“And you’ve got a good heart,” Pyrrha finished off.

“Guys,” Clover protested. “I could barely talk to you. I almost wasn’t going to until I got pushed into Nora.”

“But even though you were scared, you did,” Ren pointed out.

“You’re braver than you think you are,” Pyrrha promised.

“And you’ve got what it takes to fulfill your dream,” Jaune said.

“So what do you say?” Nora asked. 

Well, it was either do this or lose his dream.

There wasn’t much of a choice to be made, and just like the Juniper Jaggers, Clover wasn’t about to let the world tell him ‘no’ so easily anymore.

His resolve didn’t make the deep breath he took any less shaky, but he nodded all the same.

“Let’s do this,” Clover said, however uneasily.

The team nodded at him before bringing him in close and telling him how they’d distract Lil’ Miss Malachite, as well as how much time they theorized Clover had to work with before the guards arrived.

It was going to be hard -- Clover would dare say impossible.

But he had already done a few things today he never thought would be possible for him. What was one more?

In any event, for whatever bravery Clover either had prior to or garnered today, he knew now that it was about to be put to the ultimate test.

[philocake]

Yep, you guessed it, more HTTYD Homecoming salt

I am feeling extra salty today after rewatching the thing and reading the comment sections of the clips shown on Youtube. Today, I’m going to complain about worldbuilding. And some other stuff, cause every second of this short is wrong.

Alright, let me remind myself how rushed this thing is before I get into tearing it apart. It’s not even funny. All the dialogue feels forced and out of character like half of the time, and the pacing is just really strange. Yes, yes, it’s a short, it has lower budget, blah, blah, blah... Not a valid excuse. One, they made the same mistake they made in HTTYD3: too much plot for too little screentime. Two, Gift of the Night Fury had several things to say and yet the pacing was not awkward at all. It really felt like part of the first movie instead of something with less budget thrown into it.

Gift of the Night Fury was nice and heartwarming, and every single character and all they said and did stayed true to the film’s canon. They actually show us how the characters have been doing and give us a little bit of development, and every funny and cute moment is perfectly balanced. Homecoming has none of that. It tries to be charming and its attempts come across as desperate and weird, and man, don’t get me started on how much they clung to comedy - yet again, same mistake with HTTYD3. The jokes and funny comments are just so out of character, so unnecessary, so sudden, so repetitive and so half-hearted that I can’t even force a smile and give the writers any pity for trying.

I’m sorry, but the “and then it hit me” joke was only funny the first time. When a 20 minute short starts milking jokes, you know they have no idea what they’re doing and just want to make you laugh so you can ignore their fatal flaws.

Anyway, let me talk about character development and worldbuilding, because man Homecoming completely smashed these two very important concepts that Gift of the Night Fury treated with impeccable respect.

The characters have been destroyed. The whole play thing was a mess and no one should’ve acted they way they did. Why is Hiccup okay with that disaster? He’s the chief, he should have a little more saying in what they do and don’t do. Yes, he’s Hiccup, he’s gonna be goofy and all... but being goofy does not equal to being a helpless idiot. Actually, HTTYD3 and Homecoming both seem to have deemed it a good idea to turn perfectly good, stable characters into idiots for the sake of comedy. Take Tuffnut, for example. Yes, we all know the twins. We all know how they are. We also know that Tuffnut is not that big of a moron. And omfg, don’t even get me started on Gobber. I’ve always liked his character, but in Homecoming... I don’t even have the words. He’s awful. He’s annoying. He’s stupid. He’s not Gobber. I didn’t think you could destroy a character this badly after HTTYD3, but here we are. I don’t even want to talk more about what he does in detail because it pisses me off so much. That person is just not Gobber. Nothing else to say.

Speaking of characters... Where the absolute hell is Valka. They destroyed her enough in HTTYD3 (physically, too) and now they just throw her out of the picture and offer no explanations? Not a single mention? The yak-nog got a cameo and she didn’t? Fantastic! I want to think she did the most sensible thing and ran off to live with the dragons, somehow. Would be better than the freakshow Berk is. I would do the same if I lived surrounded by 1-dimensional morons, Val.

More problems on Berk, let’s see... Why don’t the kids know about Stoick and are allowed to trash his statue without being called out? Shouldn’t he be talked about like he’s the stuff of legends (which he is) to every kid? Hiccup was told countless stories about him when he was little. Yes, he’s his son, but that shouldn’t give only him the privilege of listening to stories. And speaking of telling kids things, why have Hiccup and Astrid not told their kids about the dragons sooner? You’d think these two, of all people, would be so excited to educate their little ones about the marvels of those creatures. They look like they’re at least 6+ both, they should have already known about Berk’s history with dragons. But of course, Homecoming couldn’t afford that. Gotta have some sort of plot going on!

Now, to the Hidden World... I’ll be honest with you, I found that scene with Toothless drawing Hiccup to be absolutely depressing. Not because he’s longing his best friend (which he shouldn’t, because the damn director stated he forgot about him), but because he should feel miserable trapped in that place. He and his kids should feel miserable. For one, the Light Fury is literally a controlling ass. Did you see how offended she looked when Toothless dared to remember his past life with the human that changed his life? Oh, how dare he! His life must only be centered around her and her numb skull! After all, she’s this random dragon he fell in love with in 3 seconds! Gotta love how she acted all bitchy until he was forced to comfort her. My headcanon is that she’s literally controlling him with pheromones. The real Toothless is too smart to stay with such a plain, useless, unaccepting dragon for the rest of his life.

As for his kids, yes I did say they should be unhappy. The only thing they can do is wrestle each other and play with whatever those floating orb thingies are supposed to be. Wow, how fun... They’re little baby dragons, trying to enjoy their early years of life! In the outside world, they would have been able to see the sky, interact with the environment, discover all the animals that surround them, travel back and forth with their parents... but they’re stuck on that pretty cage, bored out of their lives. The Hidden World is literally captivity.

Look at it, this poor thing is so miserable... No wonder it was so desperate to look for adventures, so much that even a drawing of a creature it has never seen gave it the magical abilities to find New Berk.

Which brings me to another point, how did the Night Lights find New Berk? How did they know they were supposeed to find something outside the Hidden World only via a drawing? And how were they able to fly for so long? And how did Toothless and the Light Fury know exactly where to find them? Also, earlier on, why did the Light Fury even light up that glowing rock thingie when they were in the Hidden World? She’s that awful, controlling of a dragon that she can’t even let her kids sleep in peace. And she huffed out green fire? What is happening?

The plot of Homecoming is just forced, and it’s really stinkin’ obvious this thing was done for money and nothing more. You’ve got cute little Toothless babies (I find the Night Lights to be rather hideous, but that’s just me) and you’ve got cute little Hiccstrid kids. Obviously you want to make money off of that, because more than half the fandom won’t give a shit if they make sense or not.

These people just went right ahead and trashed the third movie’s canon to make this cashgrab. Let’s ignore the fact that the director explicitly stated that Toothless had forgotten about Hiccup for a second and focus on what happens on the short. Toothless immediately recognizes Hiccup while he’s in a suit just by his scent and voice, but in the third movie he just has to wait till the hand trick comes up to recgonize him. Toothless was also totally cool with people, and that smug look he gave his family after letting Gobber touch him just proves he was there to make them see how great humans are. And yet he acts like he will murder a few unarmed humans that came slightly close to his home, with no way in? Suuuure.

Actually, let me vent a little here about what I said earlier - HTTYD3 and Homecoming both just destroyed the hand touch thing and I will never forgive them for that. It was supposed to be a unique moment, a special and unforgettable action that started it all, but now they’ve gotta milk it for the feels. The reverse hand touch in HTTYD3 was so forced I actually sighed, and then they just kept forcing it throughout. Shame on y’all.

I could go on for days tearing this thing apart... but I don’t want to give this thing more of my time than it deserves.

[chaoskirin]

Book Review -- The Heartstrikers Series

This is a book review about the first three books in the Heartstrikers Series, which starts with Nice Dragons Finish Last.

I liked these books, but I didn’t love them. It's definitely a solid three stars, and I'll read the last two books to see where it goes. Overall, if you like fantasy with YA elements, you will probably enjoy this series.

This review will contain some minor spoilers in order to justify my rating, with some MAJOR spoilers at the end.

First, the good. The plot is absolutely solid and it's clear the the author had a good idea of what she was going to do before she wrote it. It has a very mobster-type feel which I would expect with the way the dragons are characterized. The writing is occasionally clever and the main character is likable, relatable, and I'm able to empathize with his situation. The author may be projecting a bit as Julius' situation can get a little heavy-handed, but the theme of a found family is definitely present and well-executed.

I love the world that's been created. I'm originally from Detroit, so it was a pleasant surprise to find that the entire first book takes place in a sort of ghost-town version of it. I can picture the descriptions of the houses (I used to work in an old mansion converted in to an office, in fact!) and it's pretty clear that the author is from Detroit, or at least spent a lot of time there. Sometimes it got a little name-droppy as far as locations were concerned, but I kept hoping the author would namedrop the place where I'm from, so it's a fair trade. XD (She did not, sadly, but it was still fun to read about.)

The spirits and how they exist is also very interesting. Algonquin is an amazing villain in the second ant third books, and I can't wait to read more about her and the other spirits in the last two books.

There's also a great amount of action interspersed with the narrative, so that kept things interesting! Some books tend to either get lost in endless exposition or endless action sequences, but this book balances them very well.

Now for the not-so-good.

I picked up the first book expecting dragons. The title is "Nice Dragons Finish Last," after all, and while it's very clear from the description that the main character, Julius, is "sealed," I had hoped that there would be at least some mythological creature action. This is kept to an absolute minimum, though, in favor of dragons in their human shape. It's even a rather contrived "rule" in Detroit that dragons aren't allowed to be there. This trope has become outright cliche... I've been reading books for years and this was a common theme way back in the days of Dragonlance--take an incredibly powerful being and shove them into human shape, but add a coolness factor by calling them a dragon. (I wrote this part after the first book: there's much more ACTUAL dragon action in books 2 and 3. I still wish there was more.)

But they aren't really dragons. They think like humans, they act like humans, they seem to have the same emotions as humans... Except for another fantasy trope, which is taking every member of a species and shoving them into a single alignment (lawful evil in this case). Julius is the one exception, so it's a very Drizzt Do'urden situation and it's always been odd to me that every member of a species could be evil/good just because of what they are. (this is especially a problem with goblins and rampant antisemitism, but that's another discussion entirely.)

It's a problem that allows justified racism. If the entirety of one species is mean, it's really easy to make everyone hate them, and you lose the nuance of what real racism is. I would suggest that people not write about racism unless they've either experienced it or they've consulted with members of their community who have been the target of it. This becomes more of a problem in the second and third books when Julius is trying to prove that Not All Dragons Are Bad. And it becomes clear that both humans and spirits are very racist against dragons, but it completely lacks the reality of what racism really is. As one poster on tumblr said, "racism isn't just one species being mean to another."

Essentially, it puts all dragons on an uphill battle against everyone else, fails to become a proper allegory, and discards depth and warmth.

A small problem that I should mention is that sometimes plot points sort of fade? There was a situation where Julius' mom visits and he was very mean to Marci, and she was very upset about that, but it's never actually addressed. It sort of fizzles and ends and then everything moves on. It should have at least been mentioned and tied up.

Another problem is repetitiveness or filler text. When I'm going through beta reading for my books, I ask my readers to tell me ANY TIME they skim over text. When your readers are skimming, what you've written isn't interesting, and it has to be changed. I found myself doing this a lot in this book. I forced myself to read back and see what I've skimmed over, and it was usually information I'd already read being presented in a slightly different way. My advice would be to allow the readers to infer information without explaining it into the ground. One thing I would avoid is the discussion of plans before executing said plans--even if they ultimately go wrong. It's enough to say that your protagonist HAS a plan, then let the text speak for itself. These planning phases were what I tended to skip the most.

I can supply one sample of repetitiveness without spoiling the story too badly: One of the main characters is talking with a dragon character about a plan at the beginning-ish of book 3. And breaking the text down to its basics, it goes like this:

Amelia: You have to. Marci: I don't know... Amelia: But you have to. Marci: I don't know... Amelia: You really should do this. Marci: I don't know... Amelia: It's a good idea. Marci: Okay I'll do it. Amelia: Are you sure? Marci: Yes I'll do it. Amelia: Are you sure???

And the argument became VERY spread out over the whole chapter, interspersed with the same explanation of why Marci Should Do The thing, most of which I ended up skimming to the part where Marci ultimately accepted Amelia's idea.

Another chapter I skipped was in book 3 where two human characters had lunch with Marci. And as soon as it became clear they were discussing stuff Marci basically already knew, I just skipped the whole chapter. It was an unnecessary bit of writing that could have been summarized in one or two paragraphs instead. I went back and actually read it later. I didn't miss anything.

(my examples are from the third book because I just finished it and it's the freshest in my mind, but this is an issue in the first two books as well.)

I think there's a certain amount of realism in conversations like this. The problem is that your readers have already figured out where something is going, and they want to get there. If the author reads this, my suggestion would be this: Sometimes it's okay to cut events out when they're uninteresting. If you hate writing it, and your beta readers hate reading it, it can go. I wouldn't follow the advice that you should cut out EVERYTHING irrelevant to the plot, because sometimes it's fun to have fun, but the extra boring tedium can be safely summarized.

Next, Marci.

I first want to state here that my PREFERENCE is writing female characters. Most of my characters are women. And I understand there are a lot of readers who outright dislike all female characters, but I'm not one of them. I feel like that's an important thing to state before going into more detail about my issues with Marci.

I wanted to read more of the series before posting this review, because I felt Marci was a shallow character after book one. She felt like a female character who was STRONG, but NOT a strong female character.

And through the first book, she felt like a prop to the other main character, Julius, instead of a character all her own. (And to be fair, her ENTIRE story from the first book is sort of... hand-waved in books 2 and 3.)

In the first book, Marci isn't really written with a story arc. She's a sort of deus ex machina for Julius; she appears into his life mysteriously as he's looking for a mage, first of all. And while it SEEMS that she does have her own arc, it becomes clear by the end of the story that she's only a catalyst for the dragons' stories. The thing she's protecting eventually ends up in the hands of the dragons; she's essentially just a walking suitcase for them. She's a roadblock for the villains. And there's not even a true explanation of Why She Has The Thing They Want except that it's really cool and she wants it.

This alone may have prevented me from reading the rest of the series, but I'm VERY glad I did--While Marci has a slow start, her story does pick up in the second and third books and she becomes much more likeable. She still feels like a prop at times (other characters refer to her as a "weapon" even) but within that description, she's fighting her own battles and has become much less shallow.

I do wish she had more agency. I wish her decisions truly felt like hers, instead of the manipulations/machinations of those with higher power. But she's not the worst-written female character I've ever read, and the author makes it clear in the second and third books that she knows how to write good female characters (cough chelsie cough) so I can forgive Marci's shortcomings.

There's one Bad thing that I want to address, too, which mostly came up at the end of book 2 and throughout book 3. And this is a fairly major spoiler, I'm sorry.

You don't give a tyrannical dictator power after you defeat her. You just don't. Julius could have banished his mother if he refused to kill her. He could have let someone else kill her. He could have done any number of things. But the first thing he does is give her a seat on the new council and is just like "yes you still get to make decisions." And as you can imagine, this goes very wrong.

And book 3 is FULL of Julius refusing to let his brothers and sisters kill anyone, even when it's justified. This has always been a trope that rankled... You can't write about a coup and then have nobody die. It suggests that genocidal dictators Can Change If You Give Them The Right Opportunities, and we all know from real life that that doesn't happen. Tyrannical people in power will fight to keep that power. They don't learn. And props to the author for showing that these people don't learn, but... seriously, you don't keep people around who actively want to kill you.

I was so annoyed with Julius by the end of book 3, and the hoops the writing had to jump through to show his decision was good and right. He felt naive and almost stupid. And (VERY major spoiler here, just stop reading if you don't want the end of book 3 spoiled!)

...

...

...

...

...

...

Julius' mother had enslaved his sister for hundreds of years. When the sister was released, she immediately tried to kill her mother.

This would have justified ALL of Julius' actions up until that point if he'd just LET HER. Bethesda hurt Chelsie the most out of ANY Of her children. It would have been a PERFECT way to allow Chelsie to get her well-deserved revenge AND end the problem of Bethesda (who REALLY deserves to die.) And Julius made her stop, because That's Not How We're Doing Things Anymore.

I don't like that Bethesda is effectively not paying for the thousands of atrocities she committed over the last thousand years because the main character is a pacifist. It just doesn't sit right. And IDK if the author is building to Bethesda's death in the last couple books or not, but letting Chelsie kill her would have been the PERFECT end, and I'm really disappointed. No end for Bethesda would have been better than that.

Anyway.

As I said at the beginning of this review, I still recommend reading the series. It's a really interesting urban fantasy-type book, and while it crosses into YA territory, the fantasy aspect is interesting enough to keep me reading.

[internaljiujitsu]

5 Realizations That (Finally) Got Me Off The ADHD Treadmill

I used to hate reading books. I did it anyway but couldn’t last more than five or ten minutes before dozing off or having my mind dart away to distant lands. Like the skinny kid with no appetite that had to force feed himself to pack on muscle, I shoved books into my brain because I hated the idea of not being well read more than I hated reading.

As a kid, I often left things undone. — or worn out to the nub. After beginning enthusiastically, I’d soon lose steam and beat myself from pillar to post for quitting. I’d always hang around through the torture just to avoid the sting of giving up again. Once the interest was gone, whatever I was doing became pure misery. This would inevitably lead to mental and physical breakdown, as every cell in my body rejected the reality my mind was accepting.

I got good grades and excelled athletically but always thought I could do better. There seemed to be a gear missing — the one that I just knew could take me to a place that felt right. If I were just better, more disciplined and able to focus more — but I didn’t think I had it in me.

Back then, I didn’t know I was working with a slight disadvantage. While medication has played a crucial role in managing my ADHD, and no doubt would have made a massive difference in my childhood, it’s been just as important to build coping and productivity skills. While ADHD makes it difficult to work for other people, it also challenges your ability to self-regulate. Your perception of time is thrown off, so keeping track of your own schedule can be tough without a system.

Before I ever tried medication, in my forties, I spent my life learning skills to make up for what I saw as inadequacies. I’m thankful that I built a technical foundation before supplementing with chemicals, but eternally grateful for what meds have done for me. Once I was properly diagnosed, I realized that the progress I was able to make on my own was astonishing. Giving myself credit for putting in the work motivated me further. The medication made it all click. It was the missing piece I’d been searching for after years of hard inner and outer training.

Here are my five keys for finally jumping off the ADHD treadmill. Once I inserted these into my belief system, I no longer felt hopeless. The limiting, negative self-talk stopped. It took a long time to finally put everything together, but the results have been life changing.

Meds Are Not Evil

Like a lot of other people, I didn’t believe ADHD was real. My perception was that it was a made up disorder designed by drug companies to pump kids full of personality stifling drugs — an excuse for parents to medicate energetic kids and abdicate responsibility.

Meanwhile, I lived every day in lonely terror, until my symptoms became so overwhelming that I became suicidal. At that point, medicine was my last hope. I read books, meditated, prayed, had countless therapy sessions, including EMDR, and took massive action to change my life — but I hit a healing wall. I needed a boost.

The wiring in my brain makes it so ADHD medication that would make the average person speedy simply makes me feel normal. I am no longer listless and suicidal, disappointed in myself because my aspirations outweigh my self-belief. Before meds, it felt as if I was receiving random radio signals from everywhere. The one that always caught my ear never had anything good to say. Still, my disciplined nature dragged me through my days.

The stigma against medication and the dangerous abuse of these drugs by the general public has left many people unnecessarily living in misery. Prisons and homeless shelters are purgatories for the mislabeled, ignored and discarded members of society unlucky enough to suffer from mental illness. How many of those fortunes could have been altered with the right diagnosis, treatment and protocol?

2. Medication + Discipline = Badass

As a person that uses discipline as therapy, I once thought I could muscle my way through pain. Becoming older in the martial arts world means you have to fight smarter. That’s the trade off — you are wiser and have a much better understanding of your art, but your body does not react the same. Nature seeks balance.

But fuck that. If you take care of yourself, you can whip on the youngins long after your head is covered in gray. Combining experience with conditioning makes you unstoppable. That’s how I see my mental health approach.

If you have no clarity, you won’t make the best choices. You simply can’t see what’s in front of you without a trained eye. The frantic nature of the ADHD mind is like a white belt thrown into what we call the “shark tank.” It’s a relentless onslaught of tough competitors coming in fresh at intervals to continuously beat your ass. No place for white belts. That’s what life feels like off my meds.

The passions that occupy my time have kept my brain buzzing enough to distract me from my buzzing brain. Now that the unwanted chatter is gone, I can feel the good kind of buzz — the warm, fuzzy feeling of loving what I do without feeling like I have to do it.

Would I have preferred avoiding all the pain I felt over the years and just been medicated all along? No. If life didn’t necessitate that I acquire the skills that I have, I wouldn’t have been driven to pursue them. I may have relied too much on the drug. I would not have changed. But I have a feeling the relief of the meds wouldn’t have been enough — It’s just not who I am. I know that now. Eventually, I would have gone searching. At times I almost feel like I have an unfair advantage now. Technical ability and practical experience. Strength and skill. Balance. I’m glad it happened the way it did.

3. You Feel How You Eat

While nutrition has always been important to me for physical fitness, I was more concerned with appearance. As I got older, my focus became increasing my energy levels and feeling better. It wasn’t until after being diagnosed and forming habits around optimizing my abilities that I realized the importance of nutrition for good mental health. Inflammation caused by certain foods is detrimental to brain function and a frequent culprit in ADHD.

Once you’ve gone down a suicidal rabbit whole, giving up gluten is a tiny price to pay for sanity. Not that you know what sanity is — you just know you don’t have it.

Unfortunately, a lot of people don’t give a second thought to the type of food they put in their mouths. Lifestyle is a gigantic factor in mental fitness. Eating foods that promote brain health (fatty fish, blueberries, avocados) and avoiding processed products and sugar will ensure you have the energy and mental clarity to face the day.

4. Your Phone Is A Tool

People love to complain about how their phones have taken over their lives, but we’ve got the most amazing tools ever invented in our pockets. You can read books, listen to podcasts, watch Ted Talks — non stop learning at your fingertips — all the time.

But, with great power comes great responsibility (Stan Lee will never steer you wrong). Just like television can range from “The Sopranos” to “Jersey Shore,” your cell phone can educate or anesthetize you. If you’re not disciplined, your time will be eaten up swiping left to right and “liking” shit you couldn’t care less about.

Take advantage of your calendar and alarm features to schedule everything. Don’t assume you’re gonna remember, because let’s be honest, you’re gonna forget. Use voice memos and notes to keep track of ideas and journal your feelings and thoughts. You know you have to keep yourself occupied, so download the Kindle app and have a book at the ready for down time. Listen to a guided meditation. Take an online course on the go. Learn a new language. It really is endless. Use it wisely, and your phone is the ultimate weapon. No utility belt required.

5. Less Sleep Isn’t Helping

Feeling lazy had me convinced I needed to force myself to do more. That meant getting up earlier so I could get shit done. With a schedule that had me winding down at ten o’clock at night after teaching martial arts classes, it was tough to go right to bed. If I wasn’t careful, I’d lose a half hour of sleep here and there because I wanted to stay up watching television (which miraculously has a way of leading to chips or ice cream). Arnold Schwarzzenegger famously said that you should learn to sleep faster if you can’t get by on six hours of sleep. After years of insisting on shutting down for a minimum of 7–8 hours to promote physical recovery from training, I tried getting by on just 5–6 hours. No dice.

My brain and body just don’t work the same. The sleep I was getting wasn’t all that restful either. I’d frequently wake up during the night feeling restless. It wasn’t until I developed sleep rituals that I began falling asleep quickly and getting a deeper rest. With repetition, my body and mind got used to the same sequence of events every night leading up to bed time. Once I trained my brain, my body knew what to do as soon as my head hit the pillow.

By now, I’ve learned that seven hours is my sweet spot. Eight clean hours can make me feel like superman (mental note: start sleeping eight hours a night).

Recent research suggests ADHD symptoms are often a result of insufficient restful sleep. Sleep deprivation also exacerbates symptoms in kids and adults with ADHD. Your physical and emotional state is undoubtedly better when you get sufficient rest. Staying up late into the night with unproductive bullshit is a mistake, but so is getting by on five hours because you want to prove you’re a tough grinder. You simply won’t be functioning as well. It’s self-sabotage.

There is no magic pill to fix you. If you think of meds that way, you’ll be putting scotch tape on a gunshot wound. You’ve gotta stop the bleeding. Dig the bullet out. Repair the internal damage — then stitch it up. You’ve gotta let it heal and start actively rehabilitating if you want to get stronger. It’s not going to happen by accident or by divine intervention — even though it may feel like that in the end.

Although I’ve developed a good arsenal of skills to maximize my mental wellbeing, I still want to continue growing. My next step will be scanning my brain to understand what areas are being over or under stimulated and adjusting my lifestyle accordingly. As Dr. Daniel Amen, one of the nation’s foremost psychiatrists and a leading expert on brain health says, “Did you know that psychiatrists are the only medical specialists that virtually never look at the organ they treat? Think about it. Cardiologists look, neurologists look, orthopedic doctors look, virtually every other medical specialist looks — psychiatrists guess.”

It seems so obvious now that I want to run out and get my brain scanned as I write this. I’m excited to discover what changes I can make to improve my performance and sense of well being. Brain imaging will provide a road map.

No matter the cards you’ve been dealt, planning and hard work can help you become who you want to be. No circumstance is a limitation to an open mind. There are always ways to improve if you’re willing to search long enough. Luckily for me, I tend to get a little obsessed.

[lesbiskam]

A (not so) Simple Analysis of Ele and Edo’s First Date (or why I didn’t hate this clip like I normally do)

I was going to make a “in this essay I will...” thing but then I accidentally wrote the dam essay... whoops :) it’s under the cut

First, I’m going to address the overall vibe I got from Ele, which is super important. Ele seemed very defiant the entire time, which may seem bad, but stick with me. In my opinion, Noora seemed very uncomfortable as soon as she greeted William. It’s almost as if you can feel the power imbalance. Noora has been forced to go on a date with William, and she almost seems scared because of it (almost). However, Ele really seems to hold her own. True, she doesn’t really want to be there, but she doesn’t seem intimidated, she just seems straight up pissed (which is completely understandable). It’s very clear from the start that Edo really has no power over Ele, and every thing she does is her own choice and not because she feels like she has to. (If you don’t see what I’m feeling, then I’m sorry, because I really don’t know how to explain the vibe.)

Now, some people might sit there and think “but why is this little detail so important?” Good news, I can explain that too :) Ele might have said that this wasn’t a real “date” and she might be right, but it that doesn’t mean it isn’t important. This is the first time that Ele and Edo really start to get to know each other. This “fake date” sets up their dynamic for the entire season. In the case of William and Noora, William seems to have far too much power over Noora. Noora also loses her confidence and becomes weak throughout the season. Both of these things start on the very first date. The power dynamic stems from the vibes on the first date, regardless of if it’s fake or real. By making Ele angry instead of (kinda) intimidated, it gives Edo no power over her. Without this power, Ele will not be able to be manipulated as easily. (Edo won’t manipulate her anyway, but that’s besides this point.) This change in the power dynamic lets Ele make her own decisions far more easily, without manipulation, which is crucial to a healthy relationship.

(Also, I don’t know if this was purposeful or just how it ended up. It could just be a coincidence, but it makes a big difference in my eyes.)

But now onto the actual content itself:

Like all the Williams, Edo starts by sharing his memories with Ele. Ele sees this as a tactic to try to win her over and not genuine, but this isn’t necessarily true. Yes, he is doing it to get into Ele’s favor; yes, he probably rehearsed it. But I don’t think these things are particularly bad in this situation. He doesn’t have malicious intent to manipulate or confuse Ele’s feelings, he just wants Ele to understand/like him.

Okay when Edo tries to say he didn’t force Ele? A lie. And we all know this. he blackmailed her into going on the date, and then twists things into his favor, as Ele said. But, thankfully, Ele doesn’t back down on her stance. She does not let Edo’s shitty behavior change her thinking. (I will also say that Edo is not a complete shit because he eventually does agree that he shouldn’t have texted Silvia because she would have seen it as flirting.) (Although, I’ve always thought it was really shitty how “William” thought it was okay to force “Noora” to go on a date, even if it was just honoring a deal.) Anyway, Ele was good about not giving in to Edo’s shitty-ness, which is pretty important imo. By Ele saying that she did it out of love for Silvia instead of liking Edo (and not giving a counter argument to this point), it shows that Ele is the correct one in the situation, which was not the vibe from the OG.

Ele is very sassy and amazing when saying why, exactly, Edo is a shit. And most of these are true. But when she calls him sexist, I disagree. Edo was a major fuck boy in the past, and many people would say this makes him sexist. (Personally, I would classify this behavior as sexist, but as asshole-ish, but that’s irrelevant.) However, I disagree that Edo is sexist. He head-butted a dude for calling a girl a slut. (Ele, however, still sees these actions as wrong, which will inevitably be addressed later in the season.) From a writing standpoint, I don’t think slipping that into the conversation was a coincidence. They (as in the writers) did it on purpose to show that Edo isn’t actually “sexist”, despite displaying sexist/dick-ish behavior in the past.

Now, normally, I hate when “William” compares how he insulted “Vilde” as to when “Noora” insults him, but in Edo’s situation, I understand more of where he’s coming from. The Edo/Ele insult match felt more equal to me. Ele seemed a little bit harsher/ruder and Edo seemed a little less harsh, so this comparison is understandable. I still disagree with Edo, but I understand where he’s coming from and I don’t think he’s being manipulative like William was.

And of course, the dreaded rhetoric about how one comment can’t destroy a person’s self-esteem. There are multiple things I want to address about this whole thing, but the first is that I disagree with the statement, like many people. The right well-placed words can absolutely plant seeds of doubt that spiral into annihilation of one’s confidence. Second, I think it’s important to state how Edo said it was “really difficult” to destroy someone’s confidence with one comment, not impossible. This seems pretty small and trivial, but to me it really shows how Edo is not trying to prove something. He’s not saying “this is how it is, I’m right, and you’re naïve”, he more of saying “this is just how it seems to me”. Third, I need to address how Edo thought about it before he said it. Really thought about it. He was open to discussion. He wasn’t shooting Ele down, he was talking with her. He was just trying to explain himself. Fourth (this is the biggie), I think it’s really important to recognize the context of the situation. Edo did not say anything that should have destroyed Silvia’s confidence, and it didn’t destroy her confidence. (As a refresher, Edo never said Silvia wasn’t good enough, but just asked why she was behind the boy’s bathroom.) The comment was made to make Silvia embarrassed (which is really shitty), and it worked. But it was a short-term embarrassment, not a long-term blow to her self-esteem. So, in Edo’s mind, it would make sense to say that a comment like that shouldn’t destroy someone.

Then, Edo admits it was wrong what he did. He admits that he what he did wasn’t fair to Silvia. Yeah, it was pretty half-assed, but it’s a start. He isn’t perfect, and admitting that he was wrong is a big thing. AND, he didn’t seem to say it just to make Ele like him, he actually seems to recognize that what he did was wrong (god, what a low bar…).

Again, another dreaded rhetoric. He asks Ele to look at the situation from his perspective. Cue eye roll. However I have to say that the way he said it seemed a little better. It felt less like “I’m right and you’re wrong blah blah blah” and more of “I’m not as big of an ass as you think I am”. He only wants Ele to understand where he’s coming from. He just desperately wants Ele to like him. He’s not being manipulative or anything like that. And… I understand his sentiment.

Okay, now let’s just take a long second to appreciate how he didn’t let Ele compliment him when he didn’t deserve it. You know what that is? Growth. As much as he wants Ele’s compliments and praise, he doesn’t want it if he doesn’t deserve it. Ele tries to compliment him on apologizing to Silvia, and but he calls out his behavior anyway. If he just wanted Ele to like him, he wouldn’t bring this up, but now we can see that he actually cares about being a decent person. He doesn’t want to manipulate Ele into thinking he’s a good person, he actually wants to be a better person for Ele (cue the “awwwwww”). He wants Ele to genuinely like him. He wants to actually earn her approval.

And that little “you’re right” “I know” exchange? 10/10. 1) She’s right and he should say it. 2) Gotta acknowledge his growth for admitting that he’s wrong and she’s right. 3) That was really cute (I’ve actually dreamt up this scenario before, so when it actually happened? I lost my shit, guys).

When Edo gets the call, you can see how bad he doesn’t want the date to end. He hangs up once, then apologizes for having to answer. He really just loves being around Ele, even if she’s roasting him. And obviously Ele doesn’t want the date to end either. She runs after him, being all cute and asking what’s wrong.

But then she breaks his Ele-shaped heart by asking if her debt is payed. His little “you don’t owe me anything” is just so painful. He’s just so sad that Ele doesn’t want anything to do with him, and that she only ever saw the little date as something she owed. He wants so badly to mean something to Ele. Remember, he really wants to earn her approval. He tried so hard to show her that he was a better person than he was a year ago. And this probably feels like a stab to the gut to him. After all this, Ele still doesn’t like him. The approval he wants so bad is denied. As a person who constantly seeks other people’s approval, can I just say big oof?

(TL;DR: this date seemed better imo even though the changes were actually minuscule)

((Also, I’m very sorry to those who actually read through all of this, you’re braver than any US marines. This was ridicouly long, repetitive, and unnecessary. And in the longest paragraphs possible. This was ruch a rant...oops.))

(((AND a big thanks to @skamitaliasubs for providing translations <3)))