#but I can't bring myself to watch it after this
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bunnibombz · 21 hours ago
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The thought I was having...
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"She can take it, don't let her whining fool you Ghost" John said, taking a drag off his freshly lit cigar as he sits back in his chair.
"Can't be runnin' away from me now," Simon gruffed, gripping your hips to hold you in place as he sank in deeper.
What had started out as a little joke between you and John after a drunken comment you made one night about wanting Simon to "stretch you out" had quickly evolved into John bringing his soldier into your bedroom on one condition. He got to watch.
Your fingers pulled at the sheets as Simon bottomed out, a rough groan dragged from his chest as you squeezed around him.
Fucking his thick, throbbing cock into your tight pussy had been no easy task despite how wet you were, and now that you were pulsing all snug around him and crying his name as you clawed the bed he didn't think he could ever pull out.
"That's it lovie, take a deep breath" He praised, pressing a warm hand against your spine to sink your chest lower to the bed as you moaned at the absolutely sinful angle he had you held in, "such a pretty bird Price, wanna keep her for myself".
"No can do Ghost," John replied with a chuckle as he adjusted himself through his pants. The sounds of your pleasure bringing a hot flush to his face, "she's got a ring on her finger for a reason".
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kayhi808 · 2 days ago
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What was Thanksgiving like? Does Steve bring Miss Grace? Does mama go Black Friday shopping leaving Abby with Steve and Bucky?
What does Christmas look like? What about decorating the tree? Do they have to juggle the avengers and at the house or mamas family?
OMG does Bucky get to meet mamas and Abby’s family?
Sorry I’m so excited to see the holidays through Abby’s eyes! I love Abby!
Thank you for all these questions! I'm so happy you're interested in this little family. Sadly, you and Abby were pretty much alone. You didn't have family, and Jason's family never accepted you and Abigail. You'd figure after their son passed away, they'd want Abby in their lives more but sadly, they didn't.
You and Abby only had each other, which is why Abby feels so strongly about family. Family is important, but you can't just let anyone be a part of your family. Steve, wanting to be Uncle Steve,was like a sacred promise to Abby. Steve quickly understood the significance of being Abby's Uncle Steve. But as for Christmas....
**********
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You, Bucky and Abby return to your apartment after the Christmas Eve party at The Tower for all the employees. Abby, exhausted from playing with the other children & tracking Santa Claus on Director Fury's program, fell asleep on the drive home. You changed her into her PJs and didn't bother waking her up. Nothing was going to wake your baby up.
But something definitely woke you up on Christmas morning! The early morning sun, bright against the fresh fallen snow wasn't the culprit. It was the ear-piercing scream that came from the living room. You feel Bucky shoot out of bed, his body thrown against you, assessing the danger. You grab his arm as he's set fly out of the room to find Abby. You rub circles on his back to calm him, keeping you eyes closed for the 5 seconds of peace you have left. "Incoming."
"WHAT?!"
You hear little feet thundering down the hallway, a body crashing into your door, shoving it open. Abigail Rose, hair tousled from sleep, sees that Bucky is awake, and gives another scream. Running and throwing herself on the bed, crawling her way over to you, "HE WAS HERE! Santa was at my house, Mama! Mama, wakes up!" Abby grabs your shoulder & starts shaking you.
"Are you sure it was him? Maybe you were mistaken." You yawn wide.
"Not! I no mistakes!" Abby frowns at you, "My 'tocking is so full! Can we open my presents?"
You pull her down to pepper her with kisses until she giggles. "Yes, we can open your presents! Maybe Bucky can help you get your robe. It's chilly."
"Oh, yes! Papa helps me!" Bucky had thrown on a hoodie while watching your exchange. He doesn't look so shell-shocked anymore. He sits at the edge of the bed as Abby throws herself on his back.
"You can pass out presents but you can't open them until I say ok," climbing out of bed.
"Ok, Mama."
*******
Bucky insisted that you get a real Christmas tree, promising to get rid of it for you later. You didn't put up a fight because you loved the smell of pine. Last year you had a plastic tree but a real wreath so at least you'd have the fragrance. But an entire tree? YES! Yes, please! It's decorated with a rainbow mix of store bought and home-made decorations that you and Abby made. Many of the decorations are on the bottom half, as high as Abby can reach. You don't mind. You loved it that way.
You enter the living room as Abby is making little piles of gifts & you go to the couch and snuggle up next to Bucky. You enjoy watching Abby concentrating so hard on passing out presents. You glance over at Bucky and you see him watching Abby, admiring the tree with the biggest smile on his face. He looks at you, grabbing your hand and placing a kiss across your knuckles, "I've never been so happy in my entire life." You pull him in for a sweet kiss, until another screech from Abby draws away your attention.
She found her present to Bucky. She runs over, leaning her elbows on his lap, "Papa, dis my gift to yous. I chooses and found it all by myself. Santa no gets you dis one."
Bucky leans in, "Wow! Did you really?" Abby blushes & nods. "I can't wait to open it."
"Do's it now!" Lifting her little fists in the the air, "Do's it now!" She climbs on the couch and stands on the cushions, squeezing between you and Bucky doing little jumps.
Bucky catches your eye over Abby's shoulder & he looks like a little kid as he opens his gift. He quickly gets rid of the wrappings and ribbons, to open the long narrow box. Within it lies a pair of chopsticks, black metal, detailed in gold, like his arm. "Abigail," he softly whispers, taking them out of the box.
Leaning against his shoulder, "You wikes?? I sawed it & it 'minded me of your pwetty arm." Her little fingers start to trace against his shoulder. It's like she memorized the pattern of the gold detail even under his hoodie, "I love it so much."
Looking at her, "I likes. I likes so much." Bucky pulls her into his arms for a hug. Her chubby arms quickly wrap around his neck, landing a loud kiss to his cheek. Bucky doesn't let her go until she wiggles to be set free. She giggles and jumps off the couch to start on her presents.
Bucky leans his head back on the couch, holding his chopsticks to his chest, going over that moment that just happened. The excitement Abby had from giving him his gift. The obvious care and love she took to select it. His little Abigail.
He feels your fingers carding through his hair, "Are you ok, babe?" He rolls his head towards you, grabbing your hand and dropping a kiss against your knuckles. "I know." You give him a soft smile. He loves your daughter as his own. You glance at Abby dragging her stocking into the middle of the room so she can be the center of attention. "She has no idea how hard she can squeeze your heart."
"Mama! Cans I start?"
You and Bucky start clapping for her, "Yes, baby! Let's see what Santa brought you."
Money had been tight prior to working with the Avengers so you were excited that you could splurge a little more this year. Abby's stocking was filled with Christmas snacks and candies. She wanted Hello Kitty socks and hair ribbons and barrettes. Santa also brought her a Disney Princess dress, Princess Tiana. Legos & storybooks rounded out all of Santa's presents. You got her board games and new clothes.
The winner was Bucky. After all Abby's presents were open, he ran downstairs to his SUV & got Abby's last gift. A bicycle! It had training wheels, a helmet and a basket perched up front. Abby Rose lost her mind! When Bucky goes running at the park or the tracks at The Tower, she can ride along side him.
Later, as you and Bucky were getting breakfast ready, you looked around your apartment. Abby had opened her Legos and got to work setting it up on the living room floor, you realize this was the best Christmas morning you ever had. This was your family and your place never felt so much like a home.
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canonically47 · 1 day ago
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i cannot ever get over gi-hun actually. the fact that he chooses to believe in the good of humanity even after witnessing what he has, and that he joins the games AGAIN with (mathematically) even LESS chances of survival JUST because he wants to save people, people who DON'T CARE, people who are SELFISH and who continuously betray and hurt him just fucking KILLS ME. a very big critique from many people (and i've noticed, especially men) about the second season and gi-hun's character is that he is stupid. they find him to be stupid that he has this weak spot for an uncaring crowd, that he comes back to the games to save people who wouldn't think of him twice, instead of going to his daughter. they think that him caring and despising a system this deeply is a sign of weakness and stupidity.
but if anything, i find it admirable. maybe i can't bring myself to hate him because i think i'd do the same thing. i watch him on-screen and think, "yeah, i would do that too", every single mistake, every single thing, i get him. and he may look stupid to some but i think if anything, he's just too caught up in an ideal world in which people care, but i find it admirable that this is his personality even after witnessing the previous games. he still has hope, they haven't wiped it away from him. comparing him to in-ho is like night and day, because in-ho was broken by the games and came back to perpetuate that same hurtful system, while gi-hun was broken by the games and came back to break the people that created the system, and the system itself.
he speaks to me, as an individual who clings to hope until his very last breath, who can never seem to learn from his mistakes because he is so stubborn, he wants to prove that humanity could, and should, have hope and that it's worth to fight for it, not to just leave for a different continent and forget about it. that's what draws me to him, this endless fight in him, i can't find him stupid because he's so desperate to change things. and he never gives up even after his friends die before him.
idk i just am really unwell about gi-hun. i think people treat him too harshly. i'm unsure how well this is worded, but what i really want to say is that i don't think he should be perfect and immediately learn from every single mistake he has ever made. the fact that he is this broken given his past, even before the games he's set up as this really caring and traumatized individual, and that they double down on his same characteristics that make him so incredibly real... he's just really special to me. i really admire the way he is written and i think he's a really good representation of people who fight for a change even when it all seems lost. he's just that kind of guy that doesn't, couldn't, will never give up. and i really love that.
#he's so fucking stubborn and i get why people see him as an idiot; because they're people that think things don't change#that people will always stay the same and life will never get any better; people who don't have fight in them; people without hope#but that's exactly why i like gi-hun; he's the opposite of them; he wants to change things and for things to change even if it kills him#and to his last fucking breath he will want things to change; to his last breath he will rebel against the system#maybe he shouldn't have come back to the games; maybe he should've gone to america to live a life of comfort; maybe he should have stopped#fighting a long time ago#but he didn't. because he's not that type of person. he's the type of person that keeps fucking fighting. until his very last breath.#i think he's a really beautiful character. that's the only way i can describe him atp: beautiful. he's got a kind soul. he has hope.#i understand why some people don't like him or disagree with his morals; i really do. i do sometimes think there's no hope and that the -#system and that people will never change. but there need to be people like gi-hun for things to change.#you can't just forget about the games and go to america to live a life of comfort; ignoring the fact that things are bad for fake comfort.#sometimes you have to take matters into your own hands and go out and rejoin those damn games. even if it kills you.#there needs to be people like gi-hun in this world. there just needs to be.#we would never get anywhere without people like gi-hun.#seong gi hun#gi hun#player 456#squid game#character analysis#my rambles
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autisticfaun420 · 2 days ago
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My life with level 2 (part 1)
I'm making this post to share some things about my life and give an idea about what my support needs are
1. Every morning I wake up sealed in my cubby bed, an enclosed bed that keep me trapped inside so I dont wander and hurt myself or roll out and have a meltdown (common things that happen with me and regular beds). It's also soft so I don't potentially bang my head against something hard. you're probably wondering well how do I go to the bathroom at night. That brings me to my next point.
2. Every morning after opening up my cubby bed either my mom, dad, caregiver, or occasional close friend takes me to my changing station in my room and begins to change my diaper. Thats right I was NEVER able to potty train and due to EXTREME sensory issues I am unable to change myself. This means I need constant super vision as I always need someone to change me, also calm me down if meltdown, etc. I simply have no way to tell I need to go, 1 or 2, till its much too late. So yeah diapers are an all day thing not just at night.
3. I'm older then 20 and my parents are l now my legal guardians for life, and if they can't do it I have friends that will step up. I'm not sure exactly what this means legally but I take it to mean Im basically still a kid to them on like, every level. They respect my intelligence but they still set the rules. One that always kind of gets people mad but then they understand is the fact that I have child safety internet settings on my tablet and phone, I can't access most social media websites and I'm not alliowed YouTube only YouTube Kids. This is because my parents and close friends agree that these teenage boys from a nearby town were trying to make me an "lol cow", basicallly a target for online harassment and bullying and trolling me because I was special needs and active on social media. Tumblr with my parents having the username and password and log ins and they check it every day is all I get. My friends and parents show me things from TikTok and Youtube that they think i'll like so I don't miss out. Oh yeah and I would binge watch horror and terror content on youtube, something that a lot of autistic people do apparently, however I mentally can't handle it. I wake up and freak out and hit myself all night and lose sleep for a week and end up in a mental hospital cause I'm hurting myself and not sleeping. Not fun... at all. I had unrestricted internet access as a teenager and I'm glad that part of my life is over. My parents do however let me eat cannabis edibles every day so its not like they're over protective, just protective in the way I need.
4. My parents are my emotional coregulators and I rely on them heavily, a lot of the time just to know how I'm feeling. I break down emotionally frequently and if my parents or a select few of my friends aren't there to cuddle me and rub my back the right way, I FREAK out and start hitting myself cause my brain is a bit nutty I guess. I'm needy with those I love to a rediculous degree. I'm a lot better, still not great, at self soothing. Self soothing is an oxymoron for me. I kinda need to be with somebody to be told to calm down, encouraged to come out my shell, praised when I do something good, and just having a hand to hold. My mom is rubbing my back encouraging me to write this out like I said I wanted to do.
5. I need to stim, constantly. I'm always rocking, fidget toy and plushie in hand chewing on my chewing laynyard, you get the idea. I also need audio and visual stims which I get in the form of watching bright colorful little kid shows on my tablet like Blues Clues and Daniel Tiger. I think this is why people don't think I'm smart but its just who I am and what my needs are.
I think this is a good starting point, I'll make a part 2 later.
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tuttle-did-it · 59 minutes ago
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@superiorsturgeon
I understand and agree. In the grand scheme of things, it means nothing. You are absolutely correct. However.
I've been in this situation. I used to write for a magazine. I was severely underpaid for the work I was doing and the knowledge I was bringing to the role. However, the editor was a racist, sexist, homophobic arse. Every article was an argument.
I stayed in the job because I told myself that when I DID win those arguments, I could bring more diversity to the audience. That the audience would benefit from learning more about some of these incredible women. And I think, on some level, that was true.
However, I also felt contaminated and a little ashamed to tell people I wrote for this magazine-- because so many people in my industry knew what he was like and what his attitudes were. I was barely paid anything for what would take over a month to research and write. But that wasn't the biggest problem. Eventually, I just felt like I was slowly being poisoned by staying. It felt like a fungus growing over my skin. I'd feel sick all the time when it was time to start researching and negotiating on what I was going to do.
Did my taking a stand and leaving make a difference to anyone except me? Nope.
Was I replaced without even a single thought? Yes.
Did I finally feel like I was no longer being contaminated by this man and his 19th century ideals? Yes.
It was very heavy weight on me that was keeping me on the bottom of the ocean. I cut the rope, and could finally swim to the surface. Did I save the world? No.
Did even one reader care that I left? Did the editor? No. Did the knot of poisonous anxiety finally leave my chest and stomach? Yes.
In a similar situation to Ann Telnaes, Prof Dorothy Bishop resigned from the very prestigious Royal Society because they've taken Elon Musk on as a fellow. She got nothing out of quitting. But she took her stand where she believed she had to, and I respect the hell out of here for walking away. (Please read the link on her name for her blog entry.)
I cannot speak for Ann Telnaes, or for Professor Bishop, but I suspect they both felt something similar.
1) for the person out there who is leaving the job, they're showing themselves as a person of integrity, and I have to hope that someone else with integrity will see that and approach them for a better job.
2) even if that does not happen, I genuinely respect anyone who is willing to burn their bridge and take a stand against something they know is wrong-- even if it gets them nothing. Integrity is not about what someone wins. 9/10, when people do something like this, they are doing it for themselves. And I respect that.
3) i can't speak for you, but when things are a complete hell hole, like right now, and all we see is corruption rewarded, and seeing domino after domino fall? Watching even one person --knowing it will fuck then over, knowing it could destroy their career-- stand up and say 'no?' I think that is important to see.
Yes. Grand scheme of things? Ann Telnaes walking out will do nothing to WaPo. They may lose a few subscriptions, but the world is not going to change much. Professor Bishop will be replaced, and life will go on. I don't think either of them are under any delusion that quitting will stop the corruption going on in the world. I certainly was not when I left the magazine I wrote for.
But if Ann can now sleep at night knowing she's done the right thing? If Dorothy can breathe because she feels she has done the right thing?
That matters.
To me, seeing the world burn-- and even one person who says 'I will not light this match' and walking away? That matters. If for nothing else but to believe that there is at least a few people in the world who will take a stand. Even when they know it won't change anything.
You are right. Ann will be easily replaced, just as i was. Dorothy has probably already been replaced. The world will move on, no one will remember or care next week. But Ann and Dorothy will probably sleep better at night, and so will I.
Maybe someone else will see this, and do the same. Maybe not.
Sometimes you don't save the world. You just save yourself. And sometimes that is enough.
Article from Washington Post cartoonist Ann Telnaes who has quit WaPo. Worth a read.
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its-all-ineffable · 2 years ago
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WITCHER CONTENT
I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE (FINAL) SEASON OMG!!!!!!
ALSO THEM TALKING ABOUT HENRY LEAVING AND HENRY'S SPEECH... I CRIED
youtube
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sskk-manifesto · 6 months ago
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Bungou Stray Dogs: Dead Apple and how “ability users” (opposite to “normal people”) learning to accept themselves through the acceptance of their own abilities is a queer metaphor of acceptance of own's sexual orientation and gender: an essay by me
#bsd#bungou stray dogs#About: Dead Apple. Watched this a while ago with a friend and it was a lot of fun!!!#If you're reading this: thank you so much for hanging out with me I had such a good time (ㅅ´ ˘ )♡#Next to general considerations: wow they were right that Bungou Stray Dogs movie sure can Bungou Stray Dogs#It's always nice to see the detailed animation and elaborate backgrounds of movies. The animation quality compared to the manga is–#definitely noticeable and it's nice to see. That said... I still like the season 2 art style more? And I'm speaking strictly of art style.#The s2 one looks more soft and smooth while the da one is so much more rough.#The plot is... Very bsd-esque I don't think there's anything to add.#In my opinion Kyouka's arc is the one that turned out best tbh. I really like her narrative development and personal growth in this movie.#I like the complexity of her state of mind. how full of contradiction she is. I especially appreciate the recurring small changes of–#expression that indicate how she thinks differently from Atsushi even if she doesn't voice them. The fight between her cynicism and her–#kind nature. It's all very interesting.#Atsushi's development is interesting too. Although all the open questions about his ability we still have kind of leave me frustrated#I don't feel very strongly about Akutagawa in this movie? I mean‚ he's there. The ss/kk scenes are always great and in character and a joy–#to witness no matter what they do. He just doesn't shine particularly? Or at least personally I dont find the “proving my strength against–#myself” narrative arc to be particularly interesting. Imo it was a lot better flashed out in the da stage play! With the complexity that–#the dialogues with Chuuya added to the character. Dazai attacking him. And especially Aktgw understanding that Rashomon wasn't testing Aktg#but rather only expressing that unstoppable rage that is also Aktgw's own. About that I checked out the play and I really liked it!!#I only watched highlights (aka: ss/kk and chuu/aku scenes) but there's some stuff I really like. I like the conflict between Aktgw and–#Chuuya and how Chuuya messes up with Aktgw at first maliciously and then amiably. It's interesting how Atsushi himself observes that Kyouka#and Akutagawa get along. And especially the sskk almost-handholding and Atsushi saying Akutagawa has a nice profile were cute akjdhbsawhjb#Next. Da really is shipping paradise (╥﹏╥) Sorry but... It is. oda/zai. daz/atsu. ss/kk. s/kk. fuku/mori. chuu/aku. It really has everythin#and the moments are so good!!!! What else. Wish we'd see more of Tsujimura. And Christie. And women in general tbh.#Also‚‚‚‚‚ Atsushi's tiger form in this movie is ATROCIOUS. I've said it before but it's crazy how a franchises that relies so heavily on–#fanservice came up with something this hideous. Man the movie overall was pretty but Atsushi sure wasn't. Firmly stand by the belief–#that only Akutagawa would find that form attractive.#Oh last note. honestly if we're ready to accept a movie where an antidote has effect AFTER the person has effectively died then we really–#can't complain about any kind of insanity the manga brings up#random rambles
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sherlock-is-ace · 8 months ago
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#not having a great time today after my mom commented on my interests#i'm a person that is interested in shit i don't know this is why i'm very likely to follow disabled youtubers#in my time i have watched molly burke. multiplicityandme and a collection of autistic youtubers (guess why lol)#and my mom made a quite patronizing comment about how i ''take on causes'' by learning about stuff#and/or supporting fun and interesting youtube channels#but anyways it sucks even more because on her comment she made it clear (once again) that she doesn't believe me when i say#i might be autistic. and it fucking sucks!#because when i first talked to her about it even I didn't know much about it. i was just starting to do my research#and i was trying to make sense of things still but she dismissed it#but now that i do know more and things do make more sense#i can't even bring it up because the fact that i have been watching a lot of youtubers talk about autism will make her think#i'm just trying to be like them... which is stupid#but it's also the reason i didn't tell her that my best friend in my teens was trans. because i was trying to figure shit out myself#and telling her he was trans and then a bit later that i am as well was going to make her go ''everyone's trans now blah blah''#and dismiss that as well... but now i'm trapped in the same thing about autism lol#and her stupid loophole of a dismissal isn't just by saying ''no you're not autistic'' it's saying this like ''well MAAAAYBE you COULD be#but that doesn't mean anything and it doesn't matter and why would you want a diagnosis if it's not gonna change anything''#same thing as her whole ''sure you're a man but why do you have to look and act differently? YOU know who YOU are#who cares what others think?'' in a don't transition way#like that's so stupid!#dkfjhkdfhkdfg#i'm angry and i feel trapped#i have figured out a little bit ago that i don't stim near as enough as i need to BECAUSE i live in the same house as her#and the idea of ear defenders and other stuff like that is very appealing but i can't do that while she's around to judge#and IN PUBLIC?! that's unthinkable!!#i still remember the time she threatened with not going out with me (to the supermarket) because I commited the huge crime of#buttoning the top button of my button up shirt....#that's it. that was the whole reason.. she thought i looked ridiculous and she didn't want to be seen with me...#imagine if i wear ear defenders out...#not gonna risk it lol
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cherryblossomtimemachine · 1 year ago
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Guys I'm really proud of myself!!! I read an entire book in one day and I'm really happy about it!! I know it's not nearly as impressive as what others read in a day, but I've just been so unmotivated and sad lately that being able to finish it in a day was really exciting for me.
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ceruleanpunch · 2 years ago
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so many shounen/seinen series especiallythosewrittenbymen will stumble on the most compelling female characters and/or wlw bond only to completely squander it and focus on the most annoying and boring audience blank canvas protagonists/supporting cast imaginable
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boyapologist · 1 month ago
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am extremely curious of what will happen tonight? yeah. will I watch a single livestream? no
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oh--psyche · 2 months ago
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yakuza show? my disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined.
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absinthemindedly · 7 months ago
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//
#yeah so I'm absolutely having a breakdown#which sucks because ive been doing alright for awhile#and it makes sense tbh#not to invalidate myself#so many things that are outside of my control have gone wrong recently#someone tried to steal my car again and I'm fixing it myself because I can't afford to bring it somewhere#and the job that would change my life keeps ghosting me#and I need to let my landlord know about renewing my lease yesterday (literally yesterday i was supposed to) but im waiting on this job#and money is tight#and my insurance is stalling on covering my migraine meds#to get a 3 day supply is >100$ through the lowest discount card#and to get a full month supply costs more than my rent at its cheapest#so I've been mostly in pain and lowkey confused as the drug works its way out of my system#and I'm on my period which destabilized because i had to come off my birth control for the first time in years (due to the migraines)#I watched a car flip the other night#and if that weren't enough I can't stop remembering the last time i saw a car flip and two people died on impact#and my dad was dragging bodies out of the car on fire#...we had been driving to the ER because I had tried to kill myself again#all I could think was that it should have been me#and I slept with a guy at work which was fine neither of us wanted it to be a thing#but now he's seeing this new girl that works with us and they're making my life hell about it#and I just don't have a single friend or anyone I feel is there for me#I never get to have that and I don't know why#literally no one gives a shit I could say I'm dying ij this room and it still wouldn't be as important as some guy so and so is pining after#I don't matter unless im useful#I feel like I'm screaming and no one can hear me#fuck this man we were doing so good there for a bit#Genuinely afraid im reaching a breaking point I'll never recover from
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stardust-and-fries · 2 months ago
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Oh boy!! A chance for me to yap about gender at length?!?!!?!? DON'T MIND IF I DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [See tags for details. But be warned... I Popped the Fuck OFF writing this one, it's a doozy!]
Sorry if this is rude, but how do you identify? I looked around a bit and couldn't find anything, my apologies
Not rude! Honestly, I don't know these days! Lots of thoughts swirling around in my head. Maybe this is too much, but also maybe saying something instead of keeping it inside will be helpful... I'll put my gender thoughts under the cut... maybe someone can relate and offer some thoughts lol:
Recently, I came to the conclusion that I'm really not attracted to men at all, and maybe, I never have been. Looking back, I can kind of clearly see that any crush on a guy I thought I had was more like "wow, this person is COOL as HELL. I hope we can be really good friends." And then I noticed, that any crush I had on a girl felt... different. The feeling was totally different, and it still is. Have you noticed how most of the men I draw are quite feminine? I also have no idea what's going on with my gender. I know I'm me, a Yugo, I also can't comfortably say what exactly I am. Though by technicality, I am nonbinary, the word doesn't feel QUITE right to use for me. Maybe genderqueer is better. I've never identified as a man, but I have identified as transmasc and taken T. I really do like the results I've gotten from that. But at the same time, I don't really feel close to "manhood" at all, but something about having a mustache sometimes, like I tend to do, feels right to me still. I also like to wear lipstick and stuff. I don't know. I'm also not a "woman" I don't think, but I identify with more... I don't know, masculine expressions of womanhood if that makes sense? I am very androgynous in expression, in short. So basically I don't know what the hell is going on. All I know is I love women LOL. Can anyone relate to any of this? Any ideas?? I will not be offended by any assumptions you might have lol. Maybe I should just make a comic about this.
#gotta say that I MASSIVELY resonate with this post#I've been finding value in taking steps back and looking at gender from the bottom-up (rather than top-down)#seeing what bits and bobs of presentation I like and what I dont. vs picking a sort of ''gender north'' and trying to guide myself to that#(like. yknow. magnetic north. I mightve phrased that oddly)#admittedly it's a bit of a slog! turns out you can't just think your gender into existence!! who knew!!!#so far the gender I'm running with is ''Roger Rabbit rules'': whatever's funniest! (with a hefty sprinkling of dykey-futch. for flavor.)#the way I see it; gender is a dialectic construct--it only exists in-between people. only in the third person!#after all! if it's just yourself in a void there's no need for pronouns or even names!#and even with a second person in the equation the most you'd need is ''me/my'' ''you/your'' or ''us/ours''#so when ya think about gender as a *tool* rather than a *role* things start to go topsy-turvy (in the useful way) and limits become options#all that's left is to ask what kinda tool fits which kinds of job!#for me that's led to my gender-tool becoming some manner of a joke; I want my tool to help me do sillyness and bring people joy!!#(and maybe sometimes it's a dirty joke. or a gallows joke. or a teasing joke. or an outright mean joke. or plain ol' slapstick!)#so when I find someone who seems like they have a good joke (or at least a good sense of humor) I take some notes to help improve my routine#and maybe it's not always time for wacky. sometimes ya just need to play the straight man (sometimes too literally...)#but I definitely need to watch my ESRB rating around kids. and usually old grouches too.#and for some reason people get mad when I bring up The Twin Towers or The Alamo!! *pats chest-bits and hip-bit in rhythm while saying that*#eyyy hahahaaa badabing!!! >;3#and finally; it's important to keep in mind how closely linked comedy and romance/sexuality/etc are. very close but still distinct concepts.#the most frequent question I ask myself when interacting with a cutie is; ''do I like their comedy or the comedian?''#either/both of which is a good answer! and often it's hard to separate the two!#I hope this helps whoever reads it. or was amusing at least.#I had fun writing all this! It's something I frequently think about and always delight in talking about#if it means anything to anyone then that's an absolute bonus! but otherwise I'm happy to get it out in writing.#anyways. I'm going back to doing studies of Inspekta! one of VERY few men to strike me genderously. he's so shapes :3#(though fuck knows that the whole damn GROVE is full of some absolutely *choice* GenderFood)
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hydrasaura · 1 year ago
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𝘌𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘪𝘧 𝘐 𝘤𝘳𝘺 𝘣𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮 𝘛𝘰𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘰𝘸 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘢𝘯 𝘶𝘯𝘧𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘢𝘳 𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘶𝘱 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘐𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘥𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘶𝘦,
𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘶𝘯 𝘧𝘢𝘳 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘌𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘐 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧��𝘴𝘩 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘦…
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gyaruhana · 6 days ago
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please do one where Thanos starts off as your unlikely ally in the games, protecting you from danger and helping you survive. Over time, his protectiveness becomes obsessive, and he begins eliminating anyone he sees as a threat to keeping you by his side even as you start to notice his unsettling behavior you can’t escape his grasp🙏
Thanos/Choi Su-Bong - yandere bf
Synopsis: In an attempt to escape from Thanos, you join a game promising money that will help you escape him. Unfortunately, he also seemed to have joined the game.
A/N: I may have combined this with two other requests bc they were all so similar so.. i hope thats okay !!
Warning: yandere thanos, choking
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If you had told your younger self you’d be in a game of death with 45.6 billion won up for grabs, you wouldn’t believe it. And yet, it’s true. After the tragedy that was Red Light, Green Light where many people met a rather unfortunate fate, you realized it’d be in your best interest to find someone you can trust and form an alliance with them.
Unfortunately for you, your boyfriend, Thanos, happened to also be a part of the games and had been watching you from a distance since he spotted you in the first game. You had originally wanted to get away from him because he was nothing but toxic though now it seems Thanos was one step ahead of you. That, or you just had terrible luck and Thanos decided to come here on his own accord. 
You didn't have time to think about it though because he suddenly got up and left his little group behind to make his way straight to you. He didn't seem happy at all. Perhaps it was because the last conversation you two had was an argument that was left off on a bad note. 
“Where have you been? Were you avoiding me? That makes me really fucking mad, you know,” he says as he grabs your wrist so you can't just walk away from him. Not like there was anywhere to go now. You were stuck with him here. 
“I was just taking some time for myself,” you respond defensively. You really just wanted to get away from him which is why you were here in the first place. Your original plan was to win some money and then disappear so you'd never have to deal with Thanos and his crazy behavior again. It was suffocating to be near him.
“Time for yourself? Don't fucking lie to me,” he says as he brings you closer to him. Nothing about him was gentle. Not his touches, or his kisses, or anything. “Well, you've had your time. You're not leaving my side now,” he continues as he looks down at you with a glare. He wasn't leaving any room for you to defy him. In his eyes, you belonged to him. You were his property and that meant you couldn't go rogue and do what you want. 
“You don't get a say in that,” you say as you lean back slightly to try to create some distance between the two of you. He lets out a bitter laugh before grabbing the back of your head, entangling his fingers in your hair, and forcing you closer. “Yes, I do. In case you forgot, you're stuck in a death game with me. Do you really think anyone else will help you? Nobody else here gives a fuck about you. The moment they get the chance, they'll let a bullet go through your head,” he says as he looks down at you with a slightly crazed look. 
You'd like to make a counter point but he’s not exactly wrong. A lot of the people here didn't seem to be trustworthy. Not like Thanos was any better but he probably wouldn't purposely kill you if you didn't piss him off, right? As much as you didn't want to, you realized you didn't have much choice. Unless you want to make an enemy right after the first game, Thanos was your only hope of surviving the rest of the games.
“That's better. Just keep your pretty lips shut and let me do the talking,” Thanos spoke with a slight smirk. You didn't respond to that knowing that you'd likely make some sarcastic quip that would piss him off if you did. You didn't have a choice this time. You couldn't run away to another country. You had to give in just this once.
You'd soon come to regret that decision. 
Somehow, Thanos had only gotten worse. He was always right next to you, no matter what. Either his hand would be over your shoulder or he'd have a tight grip on your waist. When it was lights out, he'd force you to sleep in the same bed as him. He'd kiss you all the time too but it was always rough with teeth clashing against each other and his tongue shoved down your throat.
You didn't notice it got worse until it was far too late. 
The moment of realization was during the third game. The game was called ‘mingle’ and it was simple enough. A number would be called out and you'd have 30 seconds to form a group of that number before getting inside one of the fifty rooms. 
Everyone stood on a circular platform in the center of the room and, per usual, Thanos had his arm over your shoulder, keeping you close to him as he spoke to his other stupid friend. The platform began to spin slowly as a childish song played. When the platform came to a sudden stop and a number was called out you formed a group and ran into a room. 
It was all going fine as you planned strategic moves and managed to keep on surviving. At least, it was going well. Until the last round when the number 2 was called. 
Thanos had immediately taken your wrist and dragged you towards a room, leaving behind his idiot friend without a second thought. However, the room was quickly stolen by two other players. You thought Thanos would just go to the next room over but that was not what happened.
Instead he pushed open the door and immediately grabbed one of the guys by their hair. He didn't think twice before he forced him out of the room. The other guy made an attempt to help but Thanos slammed him against the wall, his hand going around his throat as he choked him. The look in his eyes was far more scary than you remember. You could hardly process what was happening before the guy was punched in the face and pushed out of the room. 
Thanos pulled you in just before the door closed and locked. The sound of gunshots rang out soon after as Thanos huffed in annoyance. He looked guilt free despite the fact he was very much responsible for the death of two people. Actually, now that you really thought about it, he had killed other people in the previous games too.
Fuck. You were beginning to regret your choice of becoming his ally. You'd have much rather found someone else who could protect you from him because he was clearly fucking crazy. Crazier than he used to be. You thought he was just a manipulative, toxic bastard. You didn't think he'd be truly capable of murder. 
“Fucking dickheads,” Thanos mumbles under his breath with annoyance before glancing at your face. The corner of his lips quirked up when he noticed your expression and he wandered in front of you. “What? Something wrong?” He spoke though he already knew exactly what you were thinking.
“You killed those people,” you said as you looked up at him with a combination of fear and disbelief. He laughed in response before reaching a hand up and grabbing your face. “For you, baby. I fucking killed them for you,” he said as he looked down at you with a smirk. He found your expression such a turn-on really. The idea you were afraid of him meant you'd submit to him and that's all he wanted.
“You're fucking crazy.. crazier than I thought,” you spoke as you tried to step back and create some distance between the two of you. In response, he slammed you against the wall and got very close to you. 
“You're only just realizing this? You don't realize when I snapped the ankle of that bastard who looked at you so he'd lose? You didn't realize when our ‘friend’ and I returned but he had a bleeding nose?” He spoke as he got into your face with a dangerous grin. Well, when he said it like that, it became abundantly clear he had been killing and hurting people left and right since day one and all for you. You just had been too caught up in his behavior towards you that you didn't notice how he acted with others.
“Mm. Fuck, I love that look on your face. You're so afraid. Good. Because you're going to learn that you're mine forever, yeah?” He spoke as he brought a hand to your throat and squeezed it tightly. He let out a laugh as he choked you like it was the funniest thing in the world before slamming his lips to yours in a rough kiss. 
It was then you realized that, no matter how hard you tried to escape, you were his now - you always have been - and you will never taste freedom on your tongue again.
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