#but I can also feel myself getting Cranky and Sensitive if I don’t keep track of my mood today

[canisonicscrewyou]

Good morning, 6 AM, 3 hours till we start to move (!!!!) and I’m both dreading it and sosososososososo excited

[babycherrycola]

I’m finally in the 70s!!!

I should’ve posted an update sooner, but life got in the way.

I’ve started doing a plan that’s been working absolute wonders for me, so I’m gonna share it with you :)

Firstly I’ll start by explaining what I used to struggle with. I used to really struggle with eating small portions. I’m a volume eater and I like having hearty meals, not just stuffing myself with low cal vegetables. I was never satisfied with portion control and calorie counting was just way too exhausting.

My second issue laid in the fact that I was never home for lunch or dinner and I ate out a lot as a result. I tried taking lunches to uni, but they all got soggy and gross by the time I wanted to actually eat them so I hated doing it. Even if I ate that lunch, I’d still feel unsatisfied and crave sugary snacks.

I also had a non-diet related problem regarding my schedule which was that I never had the time or energy to study outside of lectures. I was always rushing to get out the door in the morning and the near 4 hour total daily commute to school drained all the energy I had by the end of the day. Plus I got home at around 7-8 if I was lucky.

My new diet and schedule fixed all of those issues.

1. I started going to sleep at around 9-11 pm and waking up at 5-7 am depending on the day. This gave me plenty of time to get in my 7-8 hours and also have time to study in the morning BEFORE school. I’m definitely a morning person now that I’ve gotten into a comfortable rhythm.

2. I only eat one meal per day. I KNOW HOW THAT SOUNDS, but hear me out. I don’t restrict myself and I eat a lot of food in that one meal. I fill a big plate like so: 40% vegetables, 40% hearty high protein meal like curry or stroganoff (that I love) and 20% bread/ crackers / carbs. At the end of the meal I feel fully satisfied and energized.

3. I drink a LOT of water, tea and coffee throughout the day. I was never a tea or coffee person and I never remembered to drink water, but mow that I get hungry at around 3-4 pm and my stomach starts craving something warm, I drink a ridiculous amount of liquids. It’s really made a difference in my metabolism and I’m actually starting to like tea.

4. Don’t just sit around all day. Get a little bit of movement in. I don’t have the energy to work out on days when I know I have to study a lot, but I am planning on scheduling 2 gym days per week on days when my schedule is light. My campus is big so I do a lot of walking anyway.

5. Track your progress. I know it’s not recommended that you weigh yourself every day, but weighing myself keeps me motivated and in tune with my body on a daily basis. I have a hard time actually knowing what I look like and how big I am so having a number confirm my progress is reassuring.

6. I don’t do this every day. I eat one meal per day six days a week, but on Mondays I know it’s not realistic for me to only have one meal because my schedule is so hectic. I’m realistic about what I can handle, so if I know that a practically 24 hour fast on top of a busy day will make me cranky and fatigued, I don’t do it. Set realistic expectations for yourself and accept the consequences of them.

7. Last but not least, Have a solid reason for why you’re doing this. For me, I have multiple reasons. Number one is to prove to myself that after letting myself down so many times and quitting on so many weight loss journeys, I can actually do it. I’m doing this to teach myself discipline. I’m doing this for my health, since I am insulin resistant and fasting helps make you more insulin sensitive. I’m also doing this to feel prettier and fit into the clothes I want to wear. Keep in mind that the pain of hard work is better than the pain of disappointment. It’s a myth that a magic product or procedure will make you lose weight painlessly, weight loss is not easy for a human body and it will take resilience to lose it and keep it off. But it will be worth it if you’re doing it for the right reasons.

Let me know if you guys want to see what I eat for my one meal a day!!!

[lostlitany]

Hello Tumblr,

Spooky Season is rolling in and I already see the internet getting ready for the winter months with all their seasonal depression memes. So I’ve got a question, who else is backwards?

For me personally, the Summer months are grueling. They’re hot, bright, long, annoying, and I just generally dislike them, and that’s okay. I’ve been like this ever since I hit puberty and developed Photophobia- which is a hyper light sensitivity caused by my pupils deciding to not do their job properly and constantly allowing too much light in. This lead to constant migraines, and even nausea before I knew what was going on and could take steps to protect my eyes. Over this past summer, I realized I was much more prone to mood swings and general crankiness when it was hotter out. My best friend will attest I was a nightmare to deal with at the end of June and beginning of July after we had spent a weekend out in the sun.

With the crisp fall air rolling in, the sun going down earlier, and the leaves changing color, I’ve felt a lot calmer. It’s like, instead of getting depressed in the winter, I get overstimulated in the summer, and I’m only just now getting a chance to breathe. I’ve actually enjoyed my hobbies instead of thinking they were a waste of time. I’m taking my time with my art instead of rushing to get it done to move on to the next project. I’ve been able to focus better on my goals and am finally sitting down to make a YouTube channel I’ve always dreamed of having. I’m eating healthier again instead of skipping some meals and overeating others. And just in general I’ve felt good. I’ve even started like- actually liking my reflection despite the dysphoria issues. Another friend of mine was so happy to get a fit check from me yesterday and noted that I hadn’t sent one since the end of April.

Last year at school, one of my friends told me they were struggling with seasonal depression, and I looked into it a bit to see how I could help them. And in my research I stumbled across reverse seasonal depression. More common in warmer places, reverse seasonal depression can be summed up as like… manic hormone changes from too much melatonin and sunlight and not enough sleep. This is the direct contrast of winter seasonal depression caused by lack of sunlight and energy. It’s a lot more rare than the typical winter seasonal depression, and people barely know it exists. People who have it oftentimes don’t associate their changing mood with the summer and assume it’s just a really bad flare up of anxiety or normal depression. [source]

So I spent the summer keeping track of my moods and making note of any particularly bad days. Once again, I find myself self-diagnosing a problem. Maybe it’s dumb to treat mental conditions like identity labels, but in my current situation, it’s most likely I won’t see any type of mental health professional for another decade, and diagnosing myself helps me process why I feel the way I do, even if it may be technically wrong. That being said, I’m diagnosing me with reverse seasonal depression, and I just wanted to see if anyone else experienced something similar.

This one goes out to the seasonally depressed. To the people who dread the coming winter months and the emptiness and fatigue that may hold them back as they drag themselves through. And also to the newly refreshed who are finally getting the chance to take time to breathe again, who no longer work themselves into the ground with all the extra energy coursing through them due to the summer months

Tl;dr - for all my adhd friends and those who just don’t wanna read this block of text

Seasonal depression exists for both the winter and the summer months! Good luck to those suffering from winter depression. And if you suffer through summer depression, know that you’re rare, but not alone, cause same!

[dhwty-writes]

Chapter 2 - Facades, Family and Forgery

Chapter 2 already, wow! We are now 10k words in and there is no fucking way this story will be told in under 10 chapters. I guess more fun for you readers? This chapter is mostly me figuring out the different plot threads out. And to do the Jaskier has ADHD tag justice. The executive dysfunction is strong in that one. Also, I am still looking for a beta reader for this fic, if you’re interested.

Summary: Jaskier wakes up with two new additions to his household. Time to get the plan on tracks. 

part 1 | part 2 | part 4

Read on AO3

When Jaskier woke up the next morning he couldn't quite force himself to get out of bed. There were days like that, he knew. When the world outside of his pillows and blankets just wasn't interesting enough to lure him out of his heavy cocoon of warmth and bliss. Not that the world inside was any more interesting, but at least he didn't have to move to get there.

It wasn't as if there weren't enough things to do. Melitele have mercy, there was a whole fucking lot to do. There had been some complaints about taxes lately what with the war and a cow had died on the far end of Lettenhove and then there was the matter with Cirilla and Geralt and- ughhh.

He flopped over on his stomach. "It's too much," he complained into his pillow.

He supposed he really should get up, though. The matter of the lost princess half the continent was looking for in his house was somewhat time sensitive, after all.

Ah, there was the other problem. Not only had he woken up already bored, he had also woken up feeling guilty. He wasn't a cruel man; he didn't want anyone to suffer. Anyone but Geralt, and even him just a little bit. He was just angry and he didn't think he'd be able to trust him again for a long time and- great, his mind was getting side-tracked again.

What had he been thinking about before? He groaned again, trying to force his body to get up while he attempted to sort his thoughts that were hidden behind some mysterious fog in his mind. Not a muscle moved. He hated the fog days. He much preferred the days when his mind moved too fast for anyone to follow instead. Well, anyone but Geralt, that was. He had always been rather good at that and now that he was back it could be like that again, maybe. 'No!' he told himself determinately. 'I am still cross with him. I can't allow him to get under my skin that easily again.'

He started tapping out a rapid rhythm on his blanket. 'Oh good,' he thought. 'So, I can move. You know what would be great now? Getting out of bed.' He continued tapping his rhythm, the rest of his body still not moving.

Jaskier sighed heavily. What had he been thinking about? Cirilla, right. Truth be told he was glad, that she was here now. And that she was with Geralt. He didn't want any harm to come to her and there were... approximately two people and a dead horse on the entire continent he would trust her life with.

'Pity that Roach died before making it here,' he caught himself thinking. 'I think she would have liked it. Maybe I should get him a replacement? And the princess, too, they can't very well ride double all the time and I won't allow Geralt to make the poor girl walk the whole way. I know what that's like, I had to suffer through it long enough. I wonder if she likes flowers? She deserves a nice saddle. And nice clothes, too! Oh, maybe I can call a tailor. That would be a great opportunity to get Geralt into something resembling fashion, too. Maybe even a bit of colour? Oh, bad memories, that went totally sideways the last time we tried-'

"Fuck!" he cursed quietly. One moment he had been thinking about Roach and the next about Pavetta's betrothal - how had he even gotten there? And what had he been thinking about before that?

Right, two people and a dead horse. One of them had nearly died on Sodden Hill according to his intelligence and the other one was somewhere in Lettenhove Hall - preferably in his room next to Cirilla (of course he hadn't separated them, he was no complete monster). He should probably go talk to her soon. Welcome her, apologise for his harsh treatment of the day before, that sort of thing.

Ah, yes, like that he could put the cranky villagers off for a while. Slowly, he sat up. 'Finally.'

He still needed a plan. Jaskier groaned and dropped back down.

"Why did I do this?" he whined into the empty room. "It's always easier when I'm already sitting."

Well, now he wasn't sitting anymore. Great. And the idea of meeting the princess was not enticing enough to move him again. Great.

"I really need to get better at this..." He just laid there for a while, staring at the canopy above, following the same colourful threads with his eyes he had stared at a thousand times, bored out of his mind. Yet, every time he tried to pull a thought close it either vanished or actively tried to get away, to be replaced with the insufferable chorus of The Fishmonger's Daughter. 'Why on earth did I write such a despicable song?' he asked himself not for the first time.

His salvation came in form of a firm knock. "My lord?" the voice of Jakub, his manservant sounded muffled through the wood. "Are you up yet?"

"Almost!" Suddenly, it was very easy to jump out of bed and scurry over to the clothes laid out for him. "You, Jakub" he exclaimed excitedly when he entered with a tray of food, "are god-sent. You see, I just couldn't bring myself to get up and go about my day and the you appeared and now it is all very easy- Oh, are those raspberry tarts? I love those-"

"They are, my lord," he answered calmly and moved to lace up Jaskier's shirt, while the latter shoved little raspberry cakes into his mouth.

He could see his exasperation plain on his face when that didn't keep him from talking: "I couldn't even think right, I was thinking about Roach and the witcher and do you think the girl would like an embroidered saddle? I was thinking buttercups, though, no, that would be better for my next one. Can saddles be embroidered posthumously? No, that's not the right word, I seem to have forgotten it- Jakub, you are very silent today, is everything alright?"

"Quite, my lord. You are very talkative today. I wouldn't want to interrupt you."

"Right," his mind seemed to slow for just a moment. "I am sorry about that. It seems I am having one of those days."

The servant shook out the doublet and held it for him to slip into the sleeves. "Shall I inform the staff, my lord?"

"I think that would be reasonable. How are my dear sisters?"

"Very vocal about their displeasure to share a roof with a witcher, my lord." He buttoned up the last of Jaskier's doublet.

Jaskier frowned and popped the last two buttons open again. "Only Janina, I hope?"

"Indeed, my lord. She has also pronounced her plans to leave for Goldfurt immediately. They are already packing. Lady Józefa, on the other hand, appears quite smitten with... both of your guests."

He wrinkled his nose and ate the last of the raspberry tarts. "As I have feared. Stop the packing at once, no one is to leave Lettenhove unless I tell them to. Until further notice. Make time in my schedule for both of them." He halted and sat down to let Jakub put on his boots. "Actually, clear my whole schedule for the day." He sucked the last of the sour berry juice from his fingers. "But be sure to put the names of my sisters and my two guests on it. And think of solutions."

"Think of solutions, my lord?"

He shot him a confused look. "Did I say something else?"

"Not at all, my lord," Jaskier admired him for keeping a straight face. "I just wanted to make sure."

"Good." He looked around. It was obviously light in his rooms, so it couldn't be that early anymore. He only hoped he hadn't wasted half of his day. Again. "What time is it?"

"The sun has risen an hour ago and your witcher with it. He is stalking the halls in the guest wing and frightening the servants."

Jaskier frowned. "Send someone to tell him to stop. I won't have that."

"If I may be so frank, my lord?"

He waved his hand as a sign for him to continue.

"I fear you may be pressed to find some kind of occupation for him lest you want this to be a frequent occurrence. As long as he is meant to be in your service, I mean."

"I know. I am already thinking about it." He flashed him a bright smile. "That is exactly why you will put 'think of solutions' on the schedule. If he gets too restless before I find one, send him to the stables. He's good with horses."

"Shall I write down the issues you need to find them for, too?"

He smiled even brighter. "See? That is why you are in my service. You are very clever."

For a moment he thought, Jakub smiled, too. "Thank you, my lord." He surely had to be mistaken.

"Just do not put the names of my guests on it, if you please. Such a document would be very dangerous indeed."

He blinked. "I do not know the names of the witcher and the girl yet, my lord."

"Even better." He leaned back and folded his hands across his stomach. "Now go. I believe you've got a witcher to chastise."

Jakub looked very uneasy all of a sudden. "And the girl, my lord?"

Jaskier stood and straightened his doublet. "And the girl, indeed, Jakub. And the girl, indeed."

He made his way towards the door and was only stopped when Jakub said: "Your sword, my lord."

"Right!" He whirled around and took the offered weapon, tightening the belt. "I'm bad with new things, I'm sorry..."

"Always the same routine, Lord Julian," he said quietly and Jaskier half suspected that he wasn't supposed to hear that.

"Right," he answered cheerfully, "and I always forget." He was already out the door when he peeked his head back inside. "Don't forget the schedule," he reminded his manservant with a quick smile. "And the pacing witcher."

For the first time in a long while there was an odd little spring in his step when Jaskier walked. He even smiled at some of the servants, startling poor Marta that she dropped the pitcher of water she was carrying. When he apologised and bent to pick up the shards, she dropped the mop, too.

It was just his luck that that was the moment Józefa rushed along. "My darling sister," he jumped into her way, "how are you this morning?"

"I'm fine, Julek," she kissed him on the cheek lightly. "It seems you are, too."

"It seems, doesn't it?" He smiled at her. "Where are you going?"

She rolled her eyes. "What do you want?"

Jaskier gasped and clutched at his chest in mock hurt. "Why, can't a man not crave a simple conversation with his sister to wish her a good morning?"

"A different man, most certainly. You are not that kind of man. So?"

He smirked and batted his eyelashes at her. "Will you do me a favour?"

"Depends," she crossed her arms. "What's in it for me?"

"You get to spend more time with our lovely young guest, uh-"

"Fiona?" she supplied.

"Fiona! That's good! Show her around the castle, will you? The stables, the gardens, the library. Find out what she likes."

"I will. Will you tell me who she is in turn?"

Jaskier laughed. "Most certainly. A hundred different stories. Will you spread them for me?"

"I have already written Nadia and Irena about it; the word will be out in no time. You know they cannot keep their mouths shut. Will any of these stories be true?"

"Perhaps. Not a word about who she arrived with, I trust?"

She frowned. "What are you talking about? She arrived alone. The witcher isn't due to arrive until tomorrow."

"I do love you, Józia." He smiled and kissed her on the cheek, too. "Why have you never come to Oxenfurt? I am sure Dijkstra would be delighted to have you in his faculty."

"I would have. Alas, I think one runaway is enough for the family." She winked. "Off you go, brother, I'm sure you have a lot of things to do."

He groaned loudly. "Don't remind me..." Still he walked away, quickly bending out of the way of a servant. "See you at dinner," he called after her, "and keep Janina out of my hair for a few hours, will you?"

She laughed loudly. "I'll do my worst. Good day, my lord." And with that she had twirled around a corner and vanished.

Jaskier took his time to check upon the kitchens and the stables and his new horse, Pegasus. He was still small, hardly large enough to be ridden yet, but in a year or two he would make a very fine steed, he hoped. Not that he knew anything about horses but he trusted that he would be in good hands with his stablemaster Wiktor. He also informed the man that he could expect a very grumpy witcher to join him in the course of the day who he was advised to treat kindly.

"Why?" Wiktor asked distrustful. "Is he dangerous?"

Jaskier smiled brightly at that. "Not in the slightest. It is I who do not take kindly to insults made about my guests."

The old equerry shrugged. "As long as he's kind to the horses he won't find any trouble here."

"Good." He turned to leave. "Should there be trouble regardless, call for me if you will."

He grunted in reply. 'The two of them will get along very well,' he thought. He passed Cirilla and Józefa on his way inside and smiled and waved at them. When his sister signalled for him that Janina was nearby, he slipped away quickly.

When he shouldered the door to his study open, laden with an array of heavy tomes there was his schedule on his desk already. "Good man, Jakub," he muttered and began sorting through the books and sheets of parchments. Once satisfied he plopped down on his seat.

"Now, father," he murmured and pulled open the drawer of the desk, closely examining the writing utensils, "let's see what kind of semi-legal activities you were prepared for."

A fully developed plan had settled in his mind during the course of the morning. All that was needed now, was a tiny bit of forgery and they would be on their merry way. It should be done in no more than four hours - with some kind of allowance, he was a bit rusty after all.

He was just correcting the last few strokes on the fake latter he had written, when there were furious steps in the corridor. "Julian Alfred Pankratz!" The door flew open with a bang and nearly knocked an unspeakably ugly vase off its pedestal.

"Not the vase," Jaskier said emotionless, "Father loved it oh so much."

Janina ignored him completely as she stormed inside with swirling skirts. "What," she demanded and slammed her hands on his desk with just enough time for him to save his handiwork, "were you thinking?"

"Good day to you, too, dear sister," he said and blew the ink dry. "What has gotten into you?"

"You can't just order me to stay!"

He tapped the tip of his quill against his lip as if he were contemplating the issue. "In fact, I can." He pointed her quill at her. "I already have."

"I will not tolerate this! I refuse to live under the same roof as a mutant-"

He rolled his eyes as he tried to secure as many breakable objects on his desk as possible. "Here we go..."

"- who steals and eats children!" She grabbed a bar of seal wax and chucked it across the room. "I knew you were eccentric; I knew you travelled with one of them for two decades though I cannot fathom why, but bringing on here? Forcing me to share my home with him? A home you haven't even deigned to visit in the last quarter century? You are going too far, Julian!"

"Are you finished?"

"Finished?" she shouted. "I haven't even started yet!" Jaskier sighed and leaned his chin on his palm. That could take a while. He suffered through her tirade dispassionately, trying to flesh out the last details of his plan while she raged on and on and on. He had long learned to stop listening to her rants. Until- "And the child!"

He sighed. "What about her?"

"Who is she even-"

"None of your business."

"-one of your bastards? Did you bed a monster to need a witcher to bring her here?"

He stood abruptly. "Janina, you go too far."

"No, Julian, you went too far! Twenty years ago, when you just vanished! And then you just show up again and get the title."

"I didn't want it!" he shouted back. "I still don't want it! It was what father wanted, not me. Do not confuse your anger at him with your anger at me!"

"You still took it!"

"Take it back once I am a dead, for all I care. But as long as I am breathing, I am the Lord of Lettenhove, whether we like it or not. When I tell you, you do not leave, you do not leave. Get it together, Janina. I will not have you insult my guests any longer."

She narrowed her eyes to slits and leaned in close. "I hate you," she hissed in his ear. Then, she whirled around and stalked from the room.

"Well, you're not my favourite sister at the moment either!" he called after her, though his voice was drowned out by the bang the door shut with.

With a sigh he sat back down and pulled his letters out again. It was not his best work, he had to admit, though anything he forged these days could hardly compare to what he had done during his time in Oxenfurt. He had memorised the handwriting of all of his classmates perfectly and of quite a few professors and nobles, too. That had been one of the reasons why Dijkstra had recruited him in the first place. Well, that and that there were not many people who were as reliable as him when it came to spreading as well as listening to rumours.

He was just dispassionately drawing a scrawly sketch by young 'Fiona' - always a nice touch - when the door flew open again. "You frighten Ciri with your shouting," Geralt growled.

Jaskier was very glad that an angry witcher had long lost its effect on him. "You frighten my people with your pacing," he shot back.

Geralt snarled. "I have stopped."

"Good," he answered and turned back to his sketch, purposefully smudging the lines. No child ever drew without smudging the lines. When the witcher was still in the door a few moments later he looked up again. "I have stopped shouting, too."

"Just... don't do it again!"

"I'm sorry," he said slowly and put his pencil down. "What did you just say?"

That gave him the opportunity to see something truly marvellous happen: for a moment he saw a witcher - oh no, not just any witcher, but Geralt of Rivia - pale. "Nothing."

"Interesting sounds you make when you say nothing."

"I'm sorry. Is that what you want to hear?" Geralt's eyes darted around like a doe's before being shot. "Fuck, Jaskier, I can't read you anymore."

He allowed himself the tiniest of smiles. 'Good.' "I want another tone, witcher. You're forgetting who you're talking to. And I want you to never utter that name within these walls again."

"Jaskier?" He sounded confused. 'Poor man.' "It's your name, what else should I call you?"

"Oh? I thought I'd told you already. You may call me "my lord", here."

Geralt closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Jaskier could see how he was fighting with himself. "Forgive me, my lord," he said finally, "I did not mean to." He didn't clarify what he hadn't meant to but for the moment that was enough for Jaskier. "Is there anything else?"

"Come sit with me, witcher," Jaskier said and pointed to the chair opposite to him. "Time to tell you why you are here."

Begrudgingly he pushed away from the door and sat down across him. If he didn't know it any better, Jaskier could have sworn he was limping. "Why am I here then, my lord?"

He sighed and leaned back in his chair, folding his hands across his stomach. "First things first: The girl you didn't arrive with is one my cousins."

"Cousin," Geralt deadpanned.

He waved his hand around. "Distant relative, I have a lot of them. You see, she normally lives with her family down in Verden but has recently been orphaned. And because I have such a soft heart, I have decided to take her in. I have visited my dear cousin Daniela not three years past and have become acquainted with the girl then. We have been in contact ever since I got here. Look, not three months ago Daniela even sent me a sketch Fiona had made!"

He held up the drawing he was working on and let Geralt scowl at it. "It's hideous."

He very nearly pouted. "Don't be mean, witcher. Cousin Fiona drew this!"

He sighed. "Fine. That's a good story but what if they discover you don't actually have a cousin named Fiona?"

"What do you mean? I actually do have a cousin Daniela in Verden! Well, did, she died in the cradle but that's the least of my problems." He turned the big tome he had been working on around. "Good thing Lettenhove uses the good parchment for the family records, eh? So easy to scratch one date off, replace it by another and add a new name. It's clear as day, witcher. The girl staying at my home is Fiona Nowak and no-one can doubt it. And we are all thrilled to have her here."

Geralt stared at the family tree and the letters in disbelief. "How did you..."

"I didn't attend Oxenfurt Academy for nothing, keep it up, witcher. Anyways, where was I?"

"You wanted to tell me what I am doing here."

"Why, you're just an old friend of mine, arriving tomorrow, by the way, enjoying my company and drowning your grief about your dead child surprise you never knew in my wine cellar while I comfort you with my ballads."

"Really?"

His expression grew serious once more. "No, witcher. My wine cellar is off limits. As are my ballads."

He nodded, looking over the letters again. "That is more than I hoped for, actually," Geralt confessed. "You do not have to keep us here. My lord."

Jaskier hummed thoughtfully. "I assume you had a destination with Cousin Fiona?"

He grunted.

"Words, witcher."

"Kaedwen."

He sighed. "And I assume it is not exactly near Montecalvo? Or Mirt? Or anywhere within a reasonable distance of here?"

"No, my lord."

"I didn't think so. So, your plan was to cross one mountain range travel through probably half of Kaedwen in what? One month before your wherever-you're-going becomes inaccessible due to the snow? The leaves start falling already. Normally you were nowhere to be seen by now."

Geralt blinked stupidly as if he was realising only now just how ridiculous that sounded.

"No, witcher, I think it is better for you to stay here for the winter and start out again come spring. So, you are not only staying a week. Which is why I need a good cover story to explain how my household has gained two new members."

He didn't reply to that for a while, just sat there and ducked his head. Then, very quietly: "Thank you, my lord."

"Do not thank me yet. Thank me once we have weathered this winter without being disturbed. I am a bit concerned about... some of the loyalties in my hose."

He snorted. "I noticed. It seems not all of your family are as inclined to my kind as you are."

"You'd do best to keep your ears to yourself here, witcher." Jaskier frowned. Of course, he should have thought of that before starting a screaming match with Janina. Well, he would have to remember for the future.

"I will. Though if you ever needed someone to talk to, my lord-"

"I will certainly not call upon you." That hurt. He could see it in Geralt's eyes. 'Not as much as the mountain, I bet.'

The witcher wrinkled his nose in disgust, grossed his arms and leaned back in his seat.

Jaskier did his best to turn back to the letters, he still had to age them after all, but his skin prickled under the intense stare of his former friend. "What?" he snapped after a short while.

Geralt raised an eyebrow in answer.

"There's something bothering you, I can sense it. Out with it. Now."

He sighed and leaned forward. "Where are all the people, my lord?"

"What people?" He scoffed. "I'm just a viscount, witcher. And although I might be famous for my life before returning to my rightful place, we do not entertain big courts. The biggest thing that happens here is the annual fair. Then people from my other two villages and a few in the area come here to get drunk and leave again a week later."

"You're still rich, though. I expected-"

"What?"

"- a bard, maybe?"

"Why would I be in need of a bard?"

"Some friends from Oxenfurt, then?"

"I appear to have lost them when I took to the Path for a quarter century."

"You have two other sisters-"

"Married."

"Nieces and nephews-"

"Too young."

"Cousins-!"

"Stop it!"

"You're evading my questions, bard."

"And you're overstepping your boundaries," he hissed. "I am no bard anymore. Back off, witcher!"

Something changed in Geralt's expression. A tiny part that had been soft, hardened once more. "Right..." he said quietly. "In that case, my lord, forgive me."

"Leave," Jaskier ordered icily.

"Jas- my lord-" Geralt started but he didn't even let him finish: "I don't care, I tell you to leave, you leave."

He got up with a quiet sigh. "Sure. Whatever my lord commands." The door still shut behind him with a bang.

“If all of you,” he shouted after him, “could stop abusing my poor doorframes, it would be greatly appreciated!”

The door opened again and Jakub peered inside. “Is something the matter, my lord?”

“No,” he huffed as he collected the letters. “Everything is going just peachy. Why wouldn’t it be with my witcher-hating sister – who also hates me by the way – a witcher, his- charge and everyone else in my household who dislikes me for some reason or another!”

He blinked, obviously overwhelmed with the burst of words of his lord. “My lord?”

He sighed and rubbed his temples. “Just forget it. Find out if the witcher's injured. Once you have an answer, come to me at once."

He bowed quickly. “Of course, my lord.”

And with that he brushed past him out of the study, armed with letters and family tree alike, looking for his sisters. The viscount had news to deliver.

[purplesurveys]

1076

Be honest, did Fifty Shades of Grey arouse you in any way? I honestly never felt the need to see a single page, hear of the plot, or watch any part from any of the movies tbh. I just heard from everyone it was full of smut and it was enough to turn me away from it. Then it got banned in my school which definitely helped in not having to hear anything about it again.

What does your sibling(s) call you? In third-person they refer to me as Ate, which is the honorific for older sister. But my sister usually addresses me simply by looking my way and starting her sentence/question from there.

Do you have any close friends that are the opposite sex that your significant other dislikes? I don’t have a significant other anymore but my ex used to be unnecessarily mean about some of my close guy friends. I didn’t like some of her friends too, but I always had some valid reason behind it, e.g. they were creepy around her, they were aloof towards me, etc. But she didn’t like some of my guy friends by the sole fact that they were guys and she didn’t trust them around me, and like it was just something I couldn’t do anything about tbh. It also hurt me, because I love my guy friends and it didn’t feel right that she hated and criticized them without even wanting to make the effort to get to know them.

Do you honestly believe everything happens for a reason? Why or why not? My life is the grand sum of what I make of things. Idk if that’s able to address the question, but that is how I see the world in general.

Do you believe in reincarnation? Why or why not? No. Doesn’t really sit well with me, simply put. I believe that when I die, that is it for me; same with all other living beings.

The Hunger Games or The Maze Runner? I guess The Hunger Games. I saw the first movie and fairly enjoyed it, but that’s it as far as my interest in the franchise goes. I have never had any idea what The Maze Runner is about, and I honestly keep confusing it for the Divergent series for some reason lol.

Has anyone you’ve known claimed to be psychic? I don’t think so. If I did, I probably have already made the conscious decision not to hang out with them a lot haha.

Did/do you believe them? If I did know someone, I would not believe them.

Is anything annoying you right now? It’s fucking Sunday evening and I am not in the mood to go back to work tomorrow. I’m also staying up late (it’s already past 11 PM) and I know I’m already going to regret this, which is annoying me even more.

Have you ever been ice-skating? Yes! So many times as a kid. We don’t get actual snow though, so some malls have artificial ice skating rinks for those who want to do so. From ages 8-10 my mom would drop me off at the rink for me to practice/play in for a few hours because she knew I didn’t like tagging along in errands.

Does the sound of rain at night help you sleep? I wouldn’t say it helps me sleep since I generally have no issues dozing off, but the sound does make me feel calm and relaxed.

Have you ever seen an albino person, in person? Yes, I had a classmate with albinism at one point.

Have you ever worn a pair of scrubs? I don’t think I ever have. I never had to.

Have you ever walked into a massive cobweb? Probably. Or, at least, shot my hand out in an area where I ended up feeling a big cobweb.

What would you say is your strongest felt emotion right now? Despair. Hahahaha. Give me a longer fucking weekend, universe.

Are you talking to anyone at the moment? No, just this survey.

Do you have trust issues? Well now I do.

Have you ever found an arrow head? I don’t know; I don’t think so.

Who is with you? It’s just me in my room now. Kimi didn’t enter with me, and I think he wants to hang out in the corridor for a bit tonight. He’ll knock once he wants to be in here.

What can you not stop thinking about? How much longer I should continue doing this survey because I need to get sleep if I don’t want to wake up cranky.

Do you forgive easily? No. I tend to hold grudges, and I’d rather be honest and straightforward about my grudges than lie to someone’s face that I’ve forgiven them when I know within myself that I still resent them. I feel like that would be unfair to them anyway so it’s grudges all the way for me.

In what part of your life so far, have you learned the most about yourself? Not sure there’s a most. I possess self-awareness so I continue to learn as I get older. < Yeah I gotta go with this one. In every start of a new chapter in my life, I always seem to pick up new details or lessons about myself.

Have you ever been in a fist fight? I’ve been in physical fights but no fists were ever thrown.

Are your ears pierced? Yes, they are indeed.

What did you last say out loud? Something along the lines of “Not yet? Alright” to Kimi when he decided he didn’t want to enter my room with me.

What are you waiting on? I’m waiting on Friday already -____-

Do you tell people when they get on your nerves? Not usually. I like expressing it indirectly, like having shorter patience with them or ignoring them completely.

Are your feelings hurt easily? This working girl has to sleep, lmao. Catch y’all soon. Okay, where were we... Yeah, I would say being sensitive is one of my main traits. It’s fairly easy for me to get my feelings hurt, and I tend to overthink/overanalyze the simplest of jokes or comments towards me.

What's the most expensive piece of clothing you have? Did you buy it yourself? I haven’t started shelling out when it comes to clothes; like I’ve mentioned before, most of my money goes to food and the rest goes to gas, lmao. My most expensive clothes are probably just my WWE shirts. The merch I own are of the biggest wrestlers during the time I got them, so it was their shirts that cost the highest.

Who is your closest platonic friend of the opposite sex? Probably Hans. The two of us don’t talk much at all, but we always bond super well when we’re together and I can count on him to give me honest, hard-pill-to-swallow advice. Angela has to be with us though, or else I’ll feel awkward and shy.

How do you think your first relationship shaped who you are as a partner now? Yes, but there are good and bad sides to it. I will always be thankful to Gabie for tirelessly encouraging me to try out new things, expand my horizons, and to be unafraid to discover what I am capable of. She was undoubtedly my biggest supporter, especially when it came to going out of my comfort zone. I grew a lot from my relationship with her, so much so that it has definitely helped shape me to be the much braver, risk-taker person I am today. I like who I am now, and I won’t deny that it was she who helped in bringing that person out of her shell.

Bad side...she made me say sorry a lot. For her, she could do no wrong; and even if she did, she was always able to flip a situation around to make it sound like it was actually my fault. And so I said sorry, a lot. For four years. And on my end, I don’t think I received a lot of the apologies I think I deserved. So these days, I get jumpy with people and always feel the need to panic and apologize for the smallest shortcomings. She also always wanted to win arguments. Getting her point across and me agreeing with it mattered more than actually resolving arguments and moving our relationship forward. Bad as it was, it taught me a personal lesson: I learned how to negotiate and communicate better in my other relationships because I wanted to avoid the toxic dynamic I had in my own relationship.

As sad as I am that I lost the relationship and as much as I continue to think of the things that could have been, these days I get sadder instead when I think of how much I allowed myself to be treated that way. Of course, I’m very aware that I had my own set of problematic traits too. I’m not saying I was the model significant other (I was far from it), but the main difference between us is that I was always striving to be better in the relationship. I wanted to address the issues she had with me and to try to be a better, kinder person from it, for her sake and for my own personal growth. Unfortunately, all my attempts at healthy communication with her was always met with, “I can’t change who I am because this is already me.” Anyway, I’m rambling and I’m starting to feel sad again. Next question! Hahahaha.

Who is your favorite protagonist of the same sex? Claire Foy’s Elizabeth from The Crown.

Were you popular in high school? What was your reputation like? I was invisible in freshman and sophomore years, High school was the start of a new chapter, and my track record with new life chapters was never impressive because I take longer than normal to adjust to new environments. By third year I reconnected with Angela, and she hung out with the popular kids, so soon enough I got pulled into that crowd. I’d say by the end of high school I was a solid point on the radar - it was also thanks to my open secret of a same-sex relationship in a Catholic school, if we’re being honest lol - but I never liked having the spotlight on me. I liked that I had popular friends, but I myself never wanted to stir up shit on my own. I was just glad to be constantly invited to soirées and underground parties, lmao.

Have you always known your sexual orientation or did something happen to make you realize it? I’ve always been icky about the concepts of dating and sex. I could never imagine being intimate with anyone, and sex isn’t the biggest priority for me in relationships. The only time it makes the most sense to me is if I did it with someone I’ve built a solid, strong connection with; a close friend that I could trust. Realizing those made it easier to accept within me that I’m demi, or at least dancing around somewhere under the asexual umbrella.

What was the hardest part of your last break up? Coming to terms with how shittily I was treated, during and after. By the end of our relationship, she made it seem as though talking to me and maintaining the relationship was a chore. Every mistake I made sent her into a rage, which always ended in me rapidly apologizing in tears. Then after the breakup, she simply wanted to cut ties with me. She was never willing to allow me to healthily process the situation, and whenever I had questions in mind she would answer them curtly, and not give me reflective answers or perspectives. I begged for a long time to have my questions answered and to allow myself the teeniest bit of closure. 

I had such a shiny, sparkly, perfect, can-do-no-wrong idea of my girlfriend for our entire friendship; so to take my rose-colored glasses off was the hardest part of it all. But taking that hard step was also the first step to healing, so it brought some good too I guess. I just wish getting to the good and easy part didn’t have to be so painful.

What brought you out of the hardest period in your life? The awareness that I had friends who unconditionally care about me. Also if I’m being honest, the Christmas break. I realized I was having such a hard time with my breakup because I was also already dealing with work burnout and the pressure of being in a new position and trying to make as few as mistakes as possible  – so by the time the Christmas break rolled around and I had two weeks of no work, it was enough for me to recharge, realign my priorities, and determine the things and people that matter and that I want to keep.

What's your favorite kind of smiley face? Idk, I guess just :)? I like keeping my emoticons simple.

Does anybody know your deepest darkest secret? I dunno if I have one.

Did you ever watch Rugrats? (the babies) I did, but I never liked it. I remember Rugrats very specifically because this was the show that would be on Nickelodeon whenever me and my sister would be woken up at 5 AM to prepare for school. It came before Legends of the Hidden Temple, which was a lot more fun to watch.

What about Hey Arnold? I caught it often because this was also an early morning show (it came after Legends of the Hidden Temple), but I was never into it either. I also never got to watch the episodes in full because the school bus would pick me up by the time this was on the air.

Do you like pep rallies? Idk what that is.

Have you ever had pneumonia? No.

What do you feel about surgeries? Do they worry you? The possibility of accidentally waking up in the middle of a surgery and being unable to speak out because I was anaesthetized scares me more than anything else. But since I’ve never had to have a surgery before, I imagine feeling completely terrified if the time ever comes for me to have one.

Do you play Minecraft? if so, feelings about servers? I don’t play it. I think I tried it before, but it just never stuck with me. The most I’ve gone with it is to watch several playthroughs by Pewdiepie. I have no clue what you mean by servers.

Do you read creepypastas? No. I’m familiar with some, but I never read any.

Do you think vlogging in public is scary? I feel like this survey contains snippets from many different surveys because I’ve definitely answered this question before...but anyway, I wouldn’t say it’s scary per se but I AM shy when it comes to these things, and I don’t think I have it in me to carry a camera around in public and directly speak to it.

Have you been to an escape room? Was it a success? Mmm no, doesn’t sound like my idea of fun either. I don’t like solving puzzles hahaha.

What social class would you say you're in? Middle class. We live a relatively comfortable life in this country.

Have you ever recorded a cover of a song? Nope. I have never recorded myself singing because it has never been necessary lol.

How do you feel about guns? Not a fan. If I needed weapons for self-defense, I’d get anything other than a gun.

What's the most traumatizing event that ever happened to you? The drunken rages I had to helplessly watch from my childhood years.

Are you faint to the sight of blood? Yeah absolutely. Like I’ve always felt bad about it but I was such a shit helper whenever my ex had her semi-regular nosebleeds. I did help, I just panicked and nearly hyperventilated every time I did so because of the blood HAHA

Do you like spicy food? Love them, but the food has to be meaningfully spicy for me to enjoy it - like curry or laksa. Spicy food shouldn’t just be dishes with sprinkled spicy powder as a finishing touch, because for the most part that just irritates my throat and it doesn’t allow me to appreciate the spiciness.

Do you have good dreams or nightmares more? I think I am back to having simply strange dreams. But in the last few months, my nights had. been regularly plagued with nightmares.

When was the last time someone insulted you? What was the insult? Idk it was probably something my mom said that I had discarded from my memory. I’ve gotten so much better at that now.

What’s your second favorite color? Baby pink/pastel pink.

Do you ever wish you lived in a different country? I think about this everyday. Yes.

Who’s the last person you “pounded” fists with? One of my uncles.

Have you ever been involved in an affair? Nope.

How many times a week do you speak to your boss? I talk to them everyday since we have a Viber chat. I wouldn’t know what tasks to do or prioritize without them, so we need to be in touch all the time.

What do you want for your birthday? I don’t even want to think about my first birthday without her...but anyway, mine and Cooper’s birthday are super close to each other, so I actually want to throw a small party at home celebrating our birthdays haha :) Cooper can get his own doggie cake and cupcakes, heheh.

Have you ever been to a masquerade? I don’t think so.

Is there anybody you think is hot over the age of 40? I’m sure I can think of a couple of people I know.

Who in your phone has a heart after their name? Angela.

Anything you’re avoiding? I wanna avoid work for the next hour or so. Then once I’ve done some recharging, I can continue with a few tasks tonight so that my workload can be just a bit lighter tomorrow morning.

After breaking up, what’s the worst? Depends on the breakup. < Agreed.

Does your sibling have a significant other? I don’t think either of them has.

Do you use Skype? Not since a decade ago. At work, we mainly use Google Meet. Some clients will use Zoom; one client uses Teams.

Are you a fan of acrylic nails? Not yet, but I do want to try it out someday just to spoil myself haha.

Name one happy song that describes you better than any other. Idk if I can call myself happy just yet...hmm. Paramore does have a short song/interlude called I’m Not Angry Anymore, and it’s a happy-sounding song with a very passive-aggressive message hahaha. I’d say that’s me right now. Some of the lyrics go:

“I’m not bitter anymore, I’m syrupy sweet I’ll rot your teeth down to their core if I’m really happy

Depends on the day, if I wake up in a giddy haze Well, I’m not angry, I’m not totally angry, I’m not all that angry anymore” and everything about it is so meeeeee.

Name one sad/mellow song that describes you better than any other. Forgiveness, also by Paramore. Sorry I’m in a music slump y’all. Only Paramore has been able to make my days the slightest bit better.

What is your most used pick up line? I don’t use those, nor do I like hearing those.

Do you like the taste of alcohol? Sure. I like strong mixed drinks the best, though.

What kinds of food make you sick? I don’t have a weak stomach when it comes to food. The only food that has made me sick are expired foods.

[day-en-las-nubes]

I was the rich, spoiled princess. You turned out to be more than just the help” Part V

The next morning upon opening my eyes Blake was already gone. He had left everything folded on top of the velvet pink chair by the balcony. The pillows I had given him rested neatly on top of the pile.

I showered, slipped a white tank top on, a grey denim jacket on top of it and a flowing, flowery mini-skirt.

As my chauffeur drove me to school, it suddenly dawned on me how rested and revitalized I was feeling that morning. Even though it had taken me a while to fall asleep the night before, once I did, I must've drifted into the depths of the most oblivious unconsciousness.

Had Blake’s company, perhaps, something to do with my peaceful slumber? I wondered while admiring the scenery through the car window.

I pulled my granola bar from my backpack and finished it promptly before the car came to a stop at the campus’ entrance.

My day went on, as usual, I found myself relaxed, despite the slight eagerness for my day to be over and to be back home.

“Sup’ stranger!” Luke greeted, lurking from behind my back and flipping me to face him. His blonde hair was overly styled, as accustomed. His abnormally white teeth were exposed in an all-too-wide grin.

“I'm sorry about last night, you can't even imagine what my mother’s done this time!” I whined, letting out a long sigh. “I was totally ratted out.”

“It wasn't a problem,” he replied, looking around distractedly.

Was I being stupid for expecting him to say he had missed me at least?

“Josh stepped in, we beat their asses,” he continued, unfazed.

“Oh, ok,” I pronounced trying to bury my growing disappointment. “You didn't have to practically hang up on me when you heard my mother’s screams yesterday.” I raised my tone of voice as a way to capture his inattentive attitude. “That was kinda shitty,” I elaborated. He glanced at me looking all wounded.

“Don't get all mad, babe!” He pinched my chin, turning on the all American-boy charm. “It's not like I expect you to come to my rescue every time I get in trouble. That’s not what a relationship is supposed to be about.” As he spoke, I felt as tiny as an ant. Maybe I was overreacting, But then again, what did this rich, entitled boyfriend of mine know about solid and long-lasting relationships, when he spent entirely too much time getting drunk with his buddies and playing video games.

“I don't know when I'll be able to get away. I might have to lay low for a few weeks. My mom has me followed...you know they control my bank account so I'm pretty trapped at the moment.” I shifted my mountain of books from one arm to the other. I probably needed a bigger backpack, something less flashy and actually useful.

“I would offer for you to come stay with me for a while, but I just  don't know how my roomie is going to feel about that, ya know?” He scratched the back of his neck.

“You wouldn't even need a roommate if you had rented something less grandiose than the three-story house you chose to reside in.” I unleashed my resentment on him.

“You know I need the space,” he rationalized. “After all, who else is going to be able to throw the best parties in this entire school, huh?” He grabbed me by the hips and laid a kiss on the surface of my lips. “I understand you are cranky today, but I'm sure we will find a way when all of this blows over.  Maybe laying low is not such a bad idea after all,” he concluded condescendingly, pinching my chin once more. I nodded, defeated.

“I've gotta go.” I managed a smile and headed towards the exit.

“See you tomorrow, babe!” I heard him say from afar.

I sat on the back of my family's car, wiping the one tear that glided down the surface of my cheek.

Luke had shown me again, the side of him I had chosen to ignore since he had asked me out. I started realizing very quickly his spell only lasted as long as one followed Lukes lifestyle. He could make you feel special and almost lucky to be part of his clique.

But if for some reason you couldn't keep up with his pace anymore you were swiftly discarded and replaced.

I headed straight to my room, dreading the ton of material I had to catch up on. One of my friends had been kind enough to let me borrow her tablet with the info I needed.

Blake was already sitting on the bench right outside my door at five o'clock. He stood up as soon as he saw me. He looked very different. His hair was nicely combed and polished, it was parted handsomely to one side of his head. I also noticed how clean and professional looking he appeared with his white, button-down, long sleeve shirt and his khaki pants.

“Afternoon!” I waved at him with my free hand.

He rushed towards me to grab the books I was carrying and proceded to open my bedroom door, his expression stayed unreadable. He laid all my studying material on top of my nightstand. I thanked him.

“Hey, Blake.” He turned around before he headed out the door and surveyed my face expectantly. ”I didn't mean what I implied last night about you ‘doing something to me while I was sleeping’. I...I know you are not that kind of a person.”

He kept his eyes on me for a few seconds longer without uttering a word. A tiny smile stretched slowly across his face before he left.

--- ----- -----

I immersed myself in my studies until it got dark outside, and my stomach was rumbling from hunger. Blake knocked on my door every thirty minutes or so, and I believed him capable of barging in should I fail to respond “still here”. The silliness of it all, instead of continuing to piss me off, it was beginning to amuse me in a way.

“I’m not going anywhere,” I notified him, as I made my way back from the kitchen carrying a humongous bowl of fruit in one hand, and a plate of our cook's specialty in the other: Rita’s succulently tangy Clams.

Blake glanced at one of the plates in my hands, making a peculiar face towards the seafood I was holding.

“Trust is something that has to be earned, Alicia.” He made a visible effort to unglue his eyes from my plate.

“I know I don't have a spotless track record so far, but people can change,” I pledged. “Do you want one?” I asked him, jamming my meal towards his face. Blake recoiled at the proximity of the clams to his person.

“No, thanks,” he affirmed through pursed lips.

“I take it you don't like them?” I dug deeper, enjoying a little too much his uncomfortableness.  

“Wouldn’t know. Never had one of those slimy things, and not in a rush to find out” He sat back down on his bench.

“I’ll kiss you if you eat one.”I teased, picking a grape off the plate with my mouth.

“What makes you think I want to kiss you badly enough for me to swallow one of those?” He retorted, obviously unprovoked.

“Wow, you sure know how to charm a girl!” I scoffed sarcastically.

“Just promise me you won't try anything again tonight and I'll happily do it,” Blake said halfheartedly.

“Deal!” I handed him one from my plate. He held it in front of him, examining it with a scowl on his defined face. I observed attentively as he placed the edge of the shell at the very tip of his rosy lips. He rolled his eyes right before he tilted his head back rapidly. He swallowed strenuously, scornfully smacking his lips as he savored its after taste.

I was full-on laughing at that point but had to stop myself when he glared up at me.

“Its an acquire taste!” I joked, pathetically attempting to clear the air.

“You had better keep your end of the bargain, or I will have to stop you by any means necessary if you don't.” He grabbed an apple slice from my bowl, his impetuousness gave me the impression that he was doing so in an attempt to get the clam taste out of his mouth.

“But you said you wouldn't hurt me again,” I reminded him.

“And, I truly hope, I can keep my promise.” His eyes turned daunting and menacing. I had discerned how tender he could be, but I had also witnessed how, as quickly as flipping a switch, his entire demeanor could drastically change.

This attitude, without a doubt, the direct result of him having to step up as legal guardian to his three sisters

“When everybody goes to sleep you are welcome to stay in my room again tonight,” I informed him, right before I went inside my bedroom.

----- ------ -----

It was almost eleven at night, and I had just finished arranging his “bed”, when Blake knocked softly on my door.

He entered as soon as I let him know it was ok. I had found an old, oversized “Minnie Mouse” t-shirt in my pajama drawer earlier, so I extended it to him as soon as he closed the door.

“I don't know if it'll fit, but if it does, it will certainly be much more comfortable than what you are wearing.” Blake took it and stretched it out in front of himself, the expression on his face of utter absurdity.

“Is this yet another of your evil payback plans against me?” He lowered it just enough to peer in my direction.

“You've got me!” I responded sarcastically, placing a theatrical hand over my chest.

He opened his enormous, green eyes at me and started to unbutton his white shirt. I made a huge effort not to stare at his slim, yet muscular, upper body. Blake’s beauty was, once more, catching me utterly off guard and making me feel all sorts of conflicting ways.

I reached for my cell phone to check if Luke had texted me after our conversation earlier at school. I let myself sink into my mattress discovering my phone displayed not one notification.

“Are you ok?” Blake crouched in front of me. I could only muster a nod. “Doesn't look like it,” he interrogated, a concerned look on his face. I signaled him to sit next to me in bed, and so he did.

“My boyfriend can be a little self-absorbed sometimes. I'm probably just being overly sensitive about it,” I vented, a knot forming in my throat.

“You don't strike as an overly sensitive person, Alicia,” he pointed out. The way he pronounced the words almost lead me to believe that he could somehow see inside me. Our conversation felt so... intimate it made me shudder. ”You’ve been nothing but a pain in my ass since I met you,” he snickered.

“Is that how you talk to all your employers?” I giggled, too. “I was hoping that he would miss me just a tad more, I guess,” I confessed, something in his closeness made me feel safe and opened me up. “I could've texted him, so it's not like I'm any better.”

“If you truly care about a person, they should never feel unmissed. You make it a point to show them the aftermath of their prolonged absence. You make sure they know how much you need them,” he murmured intensely, his eyes never diverting from mine.

I brought my hand up to his face. I hesitantly slid the tips of my fingers alongside his jawline, my lips inching closer to his.

----- ----- ------ ----- ---- ------

[nightmareofcat]

Act of God

Loki brought a finger to his lips, tapping them in thought. I know not if I have any better ideas, last one I had involved maiming the idiot we just left. Perhaps you should make the plans for now, would not want to injure myself.

“Yourself? I thought you wanted to injure him.” Sophie laughed. “We just finished injuring me. I told you I could do it.”

“I had meant injuring myself thinking but you do make a point.” He grinned then gently tugged her out behind him when the elevator doors opened to their floor. “What do you have in mind to keep us occupied for the evening?”

“I had plans at one point in my life. Then S.H.I.E.L.D. showed up and there you were.... and plans... have kind of been pointless since then.” She followed Loki down the hall, being pulled by the hand. “But you sure are in a hurry.”

Loki stopped abruptly, turning to face Sophie with a furrowed brow. “So you are saying my presence has ruined your plans? Interesting.” He dropped her hand to open the apartment door and stride in.

“Yep. You sure did ruin my plans to maybe get a cat if I managed to avoid becoming homeless. You're a horrible person.” Sophie sighed and clicked her tongue for Toukka. “Come here, baby, lunch time for you!”

The green eyed god was already in the kitchen getting food for his weasel friend when what she said registered. He dropped the package of ground meat on the counter harder than necessary. “Finally admitting I am a horrible creature? Took you long enough. I am sure Toukka would love to be replaced with a feline, easier to care for after all; it won't attack guests after all.” He grabbed a plate out of the cupboard. Toukka, food.

Said weasel was on his way to Sophie when Loki called for him, he stopped in his tracks' whipping his little head back and forth between the two, confused on who to go to.

Sophie pointed at the kitchen and followed Toukka in. Loki's face seemed stormy as she picked up the ermine and kissed the top of its head, before setting him on the counter next to the plate. “Who pee'd in your Wheaties? You sure are cranky all of a sudden.” She asked Loki, folding her arms over her chest.

“No one.” He unwrapped the meat then dropped a good sized chunk on the plate. “I'm fine, nothing is wrong. Just being my normal, horrible self.”

She moved closer to Loki and put her face in his. “Liar.”  She shot. “You were fine. Then we went to train and you've been snapping ever since.”

“The reality of what is coming is truly sinking in, I am also training you to defend yourself as much as possible from certain death and you expect me to be rainbows and sunshine?” Loki snapped back. “Please allow me to correct my horrible self.” He stroked down the weasels back once then plastered a fake smile on his face. “I am truly sorry darling, I did not mean to be such a boor. Please ignore me as I go beat myself within an inch of my life to correct my attitude.” He gave a half bow then turned to fill a bowl with water for the weasel.

Sophie let out another exasperated sigh. “Really? That's how this is going to be?”

“You don't have to be sunshine, but come on... no one deserves this attitude.” Her finger caught under his chin and she caught his gleaming eyes with hers. “Even YOU.”

“Says the woman whose life plans I ruined.” Loki jerked his head away then glared at the counter top.

“That was sarcasm, oh ye of the sliver tongue.” Sophie let her hand drift to his waist and gently poked him. “Maybe I DO have plans...” She grinned. “Maybe I have plans for what I'm going to do with you.”

“And what could those possibly be?” Teeth clenched while he kept glaring a hole through the island.

She leaned up and pressed her lips gently against Loki's ear. “Do you want me to tell you, or show you?” She whispered before tugging his earlobe with her teeth.

Loki's whole body twitched as his jaw relaxed in a small gasp, his mood doing a complete 180 from the glowering from a moment ago. “Both.”

She bit his ear a bit harder, then firmly whispered, “OR.”

“Tell me.” The now flustered god replied breathlessly, the barest hint of a moan tinting his words.

A small grin crossed Sophie's lips as she thought about just how easy this all was. She leaned in on his shoulder, her breath hot against his neck. “Short term?” She purred. “There's a guy here and I just can't seem to keep my hands off of him, it's like I have touch him to believe he's real. But right now he's pouting so much, it makes me want to push him around until he comes to his senses. So I thought maybe I could bite on his ear a bit,” She nipped at his soft lobe and then just along his neck. “Maybe down here, just to see if I can get him to flinch. If he just stands there like a doll, I might treat him like one. When you play with dolls, the first thing you do is undress them, so you can change their clothes later. That's just my plan if he tries to be a tough guy.”

Sophie's white teeth scraped against Loki's pale throat again, “Now, if he gives in and smiles and gets over it, I might just give him a great big kiss and if it goes well ask him back to the bedroom. But I doubt if he will give in.”

Loki releases a loud sigh and squeezes his eyes closed. “Comparing me to a doll, good way to ruin the mood, elskling. Maybe I should have gone with the show option.” He scoops up the now full Toukka to cradle him close then steps away from Sophie. “This man is obviously an idiot; then again he never gives in that easily, nice try love.”

“Obviously!” Sophie huffed and flopped face first on the counter.

“Careful, elskling. You don't want to break the counter.” He sat on a stool nearby, amused by her frustration.

“Arrrg!” She growled and slapped at the marble in frustration. “Why me?”

“Because slamming someone else’s face into marble is highly frowned upon?” An elegant black brow arched in her direction. Toukka hopped from his hold to bounce toward the miffed woman.

Sophie's head lifted to let her gape at him in disbelief, her fair hair falling over into her face. She wagged her finger at him slowly and gave him a broad grin. “You! Right now, you just guaranteed that everything is going to turn out just fine. There is no way that I am not going to spend years figuring out the perfect way to get you back for acting like this.”

“Yes and I fear that it would probably be on our wedding night; me all tied up so I cannot escape, you get me worked up to the point of madness then suddenly remember that you have a meeting or something of the sort to attend to.” Loki let out a dramatic sigh. “Then again there is always the afterlife. Wouldn't that be an adventure?” His head rested on his hand. “You tormenting me for all eternity while also being tormented by the goddess of death herself? Such a thrilling concept.” Green eyes blinked rapidly as a sassy grin cracked his lips.

Sophie burst out laughing. “Oh God, Loki Friggasson, I love you so much right now.” She unconsciously reached out and stroked Toukka, almost to bring him in on the joke.

Loki actually gave a real, broad smile at Sophie. “And I love you, elskling.”

“I knew I could do it.” She smiled back.

“Do what, love?” He tilted his head, curious.

“Give in and smile, dear.” She stood upright and approached Loki.

Green eyes softened as she came closer, a fond smile replacing the broad grin. “There’s my girl.”

Her soft lips covered his and her fingers rested lightly on his shoulders. “This is the part where I invite you to the bedroom, unless you prefer the kitchen.”

“Hmmm...” Loki pretended to think about it. “The kitchen is one place we have not christened but I care not either way. One important thing must be answered first.” He withdrew enough to look her in the eye. “Do you wish to move under your own power or do I carry you?”

Sophie's arms wound around the back of Loki's neck, his dark hair brushing along her hands. She gave Loki a look wicked enough that it could have come from himself. “I want to fly.”

“Well in that case.” His look matched hers; Loki swooped in to capture her lips in a searing kiss, hands immediately going to the backs of her thighs and lifting. As soon as her legs wrapped around his waist, me moved quickly back to the bedroom to drop her on the bed.

She laughed as she bounced and quickly made her way up to her knees so that she could reach up and pull Loki down after her. “See I have plans.”

“You and your nefarious plans.” Wasting no time, he joined her on the bed, lips chasing after hers.

Sophie kissed him back playfully. Her tongue teased his, as it was hard to purse her lips around her smile. “I'm nefarious.. And I didn't even have to bite you!”

“I am certainly not opposed to biting.” His teasing grin moved down to her neck where he gave her a firm nip along her pulse.

She gasped at the feel of him on her neck. Her fingers slipped up under his shirt, searching out the soft skin of his waist and tickled just enough to feel him twitch.

Loki grunted when her fingers found a sensitive spot. “You, young lady, had better stop.”

“Or what?” She poked him again and kissed his forehead. Her toes drug up along the back of his calves. “Hmmmm?”

“Or I will tie you up and leave you here until I am good and ready to continue.” He growled into the skin under her ear.

That growl traveled right down Sophie's spine, and swam hotly between her legs before it shot right up into her chest, making her heart pound. Being playfully brave, she crawled her fingers up his sides one more time. “What will it take to get you ready? I won't hold my breath for good.”

“Thought turning blue was my job?” A hot tongue traced along the column of her throat and bit her collarbone once her fingers caught his sides again. “You should know by now it doesn't take much to get me ready but I may make an exception and tease ruthlessly by not touching you while I pleasure myself.”

A moan from deep inside leaked out of her and her tickling fingers clutched at Loki to pull him closer. “Like I said, I won't last waiting for good.”

Loki propped himself up enough to look down at Sophie. “I wonder...”

Her hands slid up further inside of his shirt along his chest as her legs wrapped around his and pulled them tight to her. “I wonder what?”

Hips rolled into hers before he backed away completely. “If I can make you beg without touching you.” His lips attached to hers in a filthy kiss. Before she could react and latch onto him again, Loki stood up at the end of the bed and kicked off his boots. “Take your clothes off, elskling. Do not touch yourself, just the clothes.” His sharp gaze locked with hers, emerald fire smoldering within his eyes.

Sophie's mouth opened to say something, but she paused and closed it as she was almost hypnotized by his eyes. Her eyes widened slightly while she surprisingly nodded her head. She got up to her knees again and silently pulled her shirt off over head, her eyes didn't leave his as she reached back to unhook her bra.

Her nipples rose as she removed it, if it was from the cool air or Loki's hot stare, she didn't know. “What are you planning?” She whispered.

Loki’s eyes raked hotly over the supine form of Sophie, taking in the vision she made. Like a feast waiting to be devoured. He stopped his perusal with his head tilted downward and looking into her eyes from under his lashes, a wicked grin spread across his face. “I plan on seeing how long it will take.” Deft fingers slid very slowly from his collar bone to his waistband before palming himself through his pants. “For you to ask for this, explicitly. How much teasing you can withstand before the ache becomes too much and you beg for my touch and to be touched in return.”

His thumb hooked into the belt buckle of his pants as the other hand traveled up his chest and around the back of his neck then through his hair before bringing it forward and sliding his palm across his cheek and pausing his spread fingers in front of his mouth, his tongue flicking between them lewdly. “I want to take you apart, my darling, slowly and intimately.” Loki’s voice dropped into a gravelly whisper while his fingers moved once more to the opening of his shirt and popped a single button, the absolutely wicked grin still pointed in her direction.

Sophie looked up at Loki with an amused smile, but serious eyes were watching his pale fingers. “Astin min, you want me to beg and be explicit?” She propped herself up against the pillows at the head of the bed,  making herself comfortable and refusing to admit that his voice alone was already dangerously close to making her reach for him.

“Yes love, be explicit. Tell me exactly what you need.” A single finger slid down to the next button, popping it open then continuing to the next one agonizingly slow, the pale skin beneath being revealed millimeter by millimeter.

She bit her lip and looked up at him with a slight blush. “You're doing fine.” He was actually making her very aware of her own nudity and she laid her arms over her chest.

“Don't!” Loki's command came out more biting than he intended. “Let me see you; while I tease you I torture myself, seeing all of your delicious skin displayed before me like a feast... It is taking every molecule of self-control I possess not to pounce upon you and devour you until I am sated.” He licked his lips as his emerald orbs moved over Sophie like a caress. “With you eternity would not be long enough to sate my appetite, my darling.” The final button came free, exposing his abdomen and chest. With a shrug, Loki dropped the shirt from his shoulders to pool in the crook of his arms.

   Sophie drew her arms back at Loki's bark and laid her hands flat against the bedding. Her eyes slid across his marble abdomen and up until they met his. After his correction, her tone was much more acquiescent than usual. “Yes, Loki.”

She looked at him, really looked, almost critical or appraising. She was wordless for a moment while she thought, ‘He is so handsome and beautiful at the same time. And for some reason, he loves ME.’

Sophie exhaled with a breathy sound and spoke gently. “You are every inch a god and king. Let me see you?”

"Oh you will, elskling, you will indeed." The shirt finally slid down his arms the rest of the way; Loki threw it across the room with a flourish, eyes still locked with hers. Loki took a moment to study Sophie, admiring all of her soft curves.

Both of his hands slipped to his waistline, deft fingers undoing the belt slowly and popping the button. The tips of his fingers dipped teasingly out of sight past the opening of his pants then twirled within the fine hairs leading upwards toward his navel, further up they traveled in a light caress until he came to his nipples. Loki teased the small buds while biting his lip, green eyes glazing over in lust as a moan built within his throat. “What do you want to see, my Sophie? Tell me what you need.”

A small sound escaped her and her tongue peeked out to wet her lips. “I need you to put your finger in your mouth, get it wet and do that again.” Sophie said in a throaty voice. “Your eyes were amazing when you did that.”

Ever so slowly; one of those fingers slid up the center of his chest, past the arch of his neck and slid between his bite swollen lips. His tongue swirled around the digit before sucking gently, keeping their eyes locked. Once thoroughly wet, Loki brought it back to his nipple. Instantly his pupils blew wider as a breathless gasp snuck past his lips.

 Sophie's pupils matched Loki's and her breathing grew a bit deeper. She smiled. Not looking away from Loki's eyes, she asked him, “Don't stop, but you really ARE keeping my initials right there on your chest, aren't you?”

Lokis free hand slid over the letters carved in his chest and smiled. “Of course, keeping a piece of you with me at all times. From then till the end and my body turns to dust.” Said hand then moved to the neglected nipple and pinched, causing a gasp to form.

Sophie bit her lip. Gah! His nipples were pink. Is this what he liked? It should have been her feeling the texture of his skin change beneath her fingers. Her heart was beating hard after his words. This shouldn't be turning her on so much. “You're wonderful, astin min. You don't need a piece, you have all of me. Now let me see what you like. Your pants?”

With a lusty grin, Loki slid his thumbs down either side of his navel and the dark hair pointing down toward the growing bulge in his pants. Thumbs met at the small opening of his waistband then slipped past it, hooking along the edges and tugging down slightly before pausing. “Do you want them off or just down, love?”

“Off, please.” She whispered. Sophie eyelids were hooded as she watched him. She was sure she had noticed his hands and fingers before, but right now they were the most amazingly powerful and graceful things she had ever seen. Did they look like that when they touched her, like they were dancing?

Her breasts shivered as she took in a stuttering breath. “You can take your time.”

Loki grinned at Sophie, loving the effect he was having on her. Slowly his hands slid down the sides of his thighs, then around to the back. He turned around so she could see him cup his own bottom then slide back up and into his pants, shimmying ever so slowly off his sculpted butt while he threw a naughty smile over his shoulder.

Sophie sunk white teeth into her full lip. Her fingers curled gently around the blanket under her and her eyes fluttered. “I know you know what your best assets are. I think I want to bite that asset.”

He turned back around, pants still clinging to his upper thighs and covering the hardest part of him. “You want it? You have to beg, darling.” A hand slipped down past the small area still covering his member and squeezed, drawing a stifled groan from him. “You can see what your mere gaze does to me, my love.” His hand wrapped around his shaft. “And I can see the evidence of what I do to you clinging to the apex of your thighs; oh how I want to bury my tongue within those folds and suckle the sweetness from within, but I won't, not until you beg me for relief.”

A breathy moan escaped Loki while he gave himself a few short strokes to his length.

Sophie moaned along with him when his hand moved along the fabric covered bulge. Her thighs closed and rubbed together, half in response to his comment and half because she was starting to crave the friction. “Loki. Please? All the way off? Let me see you like you see me. Let me see your cock, let me see you touching it.”

With a shifting of his hips, the pants fell to puddle around his ankles. Loki stepped out of them, his fist still wrapped around his turgid length. “Open your legs for me, darling. Let me see you.”

She whined as she reluctantly spread her knees apart. The air was cool against her. She wanted the warmth and touch of the hand that was wrapped around his member. Sophie could almost feel his fingers pressing inside her. When she spoke her voice cracked a little. “Your turn, please, my king. Touch yourself like you want me to.”

“Oh love.” Loki moaned with another short stroke. “I can feel your eyes caressing me and it feels glorious.” Loki knelt on the end of the bed between her spread legs, scooting further up yet being sure to no parts of them touched. He could swear the temperature rose a few more degrees being this close to her center, it was maddening and thrilling at the same time.

As Loki knelt between her spread legs, the length of his strokes increased. Gliding smoothly along the shaft and over the engorged head before repeating the motions. Blazing green eyes locked with hers while he pleasured himself, loud moans filling the space. “Elskling, you are a vision. I can feel the heat radiating from you, I want to feel it around my fingers.” His head tilted back with an especially load moan. “Feel you wrapped around my cock as I slide within you so slowly it drives us both to insanity, savor every heavenly inch of flesh on flesh.”

Sophie's breathing was now matching his strokes. Her stomach fluttered and each heart beat was sending electricity through her breasts and core. She wanted to look away from his eyes to watch his pale fingers brush over the darker head of his penis, but he had her caught like a snake with a bird.

Loki's moans were shivering along her spine even more so than his words. Eventually Sophie gave in and moaned herself as she ground her hips into the bed. She gazed up at his form, and watched him as he leaned above her. His ecstasy was so beautiful and frustrating it almost had a physical presence that she could feel. It turned the fluttering inside of her into a winding tightness. She could feel her own wetness now and her nipples ached to be touched.

“Lo-ki, please?” Sophie's hand reached up and twitched, trying to touch herself and Loki at the same time.

Loki's eyes fluttered as he smiled at the sweet sound of her plea. “Please what, darling?” His unused hand went behind him to support his weight as he leaned back, his head tilting up to the ceiling in pleasure while arching into his own fist. “Tell me exactly what you want.”

“I need you to ... touch me. Please.” Her hand slid up on her hip, pushing her hips further into the mattress.  “Unnnh god...” Sophie could feel herself clenching against nothing. “I want... unh.. I NEED you to touch me. To squeeze my breasts, your beautiful hand between my legs, fingers deep and thumb making me scream... please.”

She moaned and raised her swaying hips with every bit of lewdness he had been displaying. “I need you, my king.”

Loki straightened himself then leaned forward, supporting his weight on a single arm next to her head. Emerald orbs blazed into hers. “As you wish, my queen.” The hand not supporting him touched her knee in a feather light caress, sliding up the inside of her thigh and grazing a finger up her core. His journey continued upward, dipping into her navel then higher still to circle first one nipple then the other. Never stopping, just grazing his fingers along her skin. Loki's fingers made it to her neck then further still to cup the side of her jaw, his thumb sliding along her bottom lip.

[unifycosmos]

10 Fascinating Binaural Beats Benefits [You Probably Missed]

Everything to Know About Binaural Beats Benefits…

What are Binaural Beats?

Have you ever tried a meditation where there were two separate things playing out of each side of the headphones? These are called binaural beats, and they’re used as a brain trick to help you relax. Are there any binaural beats benefits, and if so, what are they?

For starters, if you’re looking to “change the channel in your brain,” binaural beats can help you get from beta wave frequencies to the delta and theta frequencies. These techniques of brainwave entrainment can help in so many ways; I’ll share with you some of my favorites today.

10 Fascinating Binaural Beats Benefits

Photo by Dubspot Blog

Along with enhancing your meditation practice, there are many other great results from listening to binaural beats. This happens because the frequency of your brainwaves can be shifted to whichever state you’d like to be in. If you want to be more relaxed, you can listen to tracks that will help you relax. If you want more focus, you can listen to tracks that will help you with this.

Enhancing your meditation practice

Have you ever wondered how it seems like so many people can just “tune in” to meditation without effort? One of the binaural beats benefits is that the binaural beats can help you get into the zone much faster.

Binaural beats work by playing two different frequencies into the ears, usually about 10 Hz difference or less. The brain then processes these two sounds and interprets a third sound, which is that difference in frequency. This term is called binaural beats.

When we listen to the binaural beats, our brains naturally go into the relaxed state that happens with meditation, only you don’t have to put in any effort. Improved sleep

With more practice of listening to binaural beats, the brain becomes trained to go into relaxed states (the delta and theta frequencies) quicker.

When this happens, it can become easy to fall asleep. Some binaural beats tracks are designed to help fall asleep as well. If you listen to these before bedtime, you may not even hear the whole track before you are fast asleep. This has happened to me so many times.

When I find myself restless, or have anxiety preventing me from sleeping, I simply tune into binaural beats (brainwave entrainment), and am instantly relaxed. Then, my sleep quality is better, too!

Lower stress levels

When our bodies are able to enter into the theta frequencies, we’re able to relax, which means, lower stress levels. If we’re losing sleep or we’re stressed out often, cortisol levels can become imbalanced and adrenal function can become somewhat dysfunctional.

This only perpetuates the stress levels, and can re-create the insomnia patterns. It’s like a loop that keeps on going. With binaural beats, the stress cycle is broken and the body can enter into a relaxed and healing mode.

Improved performance at work

Another one of the many binaural beats benefits is that it can lead to improved performance at work and increased productivity. That’s because when we are able to enter these relaxed states, we’re able to recharge ourselves.

When we recharge, we can have more motivation, more creativity, and longer stamina to get things done. I have been lucky to be able to get my work done faster and with much less effort than before, which makes my overall experience at work much more pleasant.

Work is no longer something I dread, and I don’t think there are any therapies or treatments that can get you there any faster than with binaural beats and brainwave entrainment.

Enhanced Creativity

Remember how I said once our brains reset, we can have more focus? Well, the same thing happens with creativity. Binaural beats focus on helping us reach the deepest states of relaxation.

Have you ever noticed that creativity doesn’t really come when we’re trying to make it happen? Creativity comes when we are relaxed and “in the flow.”

Photo by Tim Mossholder

Higher levels of happiness

Another one of my favorite binaural beats benefits is that I feel happier when I listen to them. While it’s true that in the moment I feel so relaxed that I am unable to do anything else (unable even to think about anything), when I’m not listening to the beats it’s easier to find happiness.

Gratitude and happiness come faster because I’ve been able to give myself the break I long needed. It’s kind of like what it feels when we take a mini vacation – you know how great you feel even if you just go somewhere for half of a day? It’s a great recharger and happiness booster.

Physical health

Research has shown that once our brains and mental states are balanced, then our bodies respond in the same way. For example, when we get deep sleep, our bodies enter a restoration mode and we wake up feeling refreshed. And if we only get quick naps in? Our bodies’ immune systems shut down, we become cranky, stress levels go up, etc.

Binaural beats focus on helping restore the brain’s frequencies, which means you’ll feel more balanced and thus, your physical health will improve.

Easier to relax

Did I mention relaxation levels go up? That’s because once we learn how to relax, our body remembers how to do it at a faster rate. The more often we listen to binaural beats, the faster we can relax not only while listening to them but also in everyday life.

When we’re relaxed, all of our relationships improve (with ourselves, with other people, with our businesses or careers). See, when we are relaxed, we can see things from a different perspective, and learn how to cope with life’s challenges easier.

Ability to stay in the present moment

Another one of the great binaural beats benefits is the ability to bring us back to the present moment. When we listen to the binaural beats, it’s near impossible to do anything else.

Once we learn how to do one thing at a time, it becomes easier to do so with the rest of life. You’ll find yourself more able to focus when talking to others because you’ll have given yourself that time to generate those crucial theta waves.

Pain levels drop

Studies show that when we are exposed to prolonged stress, our pain receptors become more sensitive. So when there is a pain, it feels much worse and our tolerance level to pain drops.

However, when we give ourselves the time to relax and rest, and our mood improves, then the pain receptors become less sensitive. That means we feel less pain when there is pain, and the duration is shorter. The pain goes away faster the better we feel. This is another wonderful aspect of the binaural beats benefits.

5 Ways to Use Binaural Beats

1. Listen during your lunch break

If you’re like me, there are some days when just taking a lunch break isn’t enough. That’s when I find “the beats” satisfying. I can feel like I got a true break in, and get back to work feeling refreshed, rather than feeling rushed at lunchtime.

2. Listen before bed

The most often I listen to binaural beats is at bedtime. When my mind is racing or I can’t seem to calm down, my favorite thing to do is turn on binaural beats. Headphones enhance the quality, but you don’t need them. I play them straight from my computer and am asleep within minutes.

3. Listen upon waking

If you’re looking for an extra boost to your day, add in some binaural beats first thing in the morning. It’s a wonderful gift to yourself, and I try to do this every morning.

4. Whenever you need a break

When life (or work) gets tough, a great mental break is binaural beats. I didn’t think it would be at first since my primary time was listening at nighttime, but wow is it a great break. My mind has been reset, and it feels as though I have taken a restful nap, even though only minutes have passed.

5. While reading

You can use specific binaural beats to enhance your reading time. Some can help improve focus while tuning out other thoughts and sounds that may be present.

Tips for maximizing the benefits of binaural beats

Use headphones for maximum binaural beats benefits. It’s very important that each ear hears the different frequency so that the brain can “piece together” the missing parts and create the binaural beat for healing.

Make sure you’re choosing the correct track for the appropriate results. While some binaural beats will be targeted toward helping you fall asleep, others will be targeted to keeping better focus or improving performance at work.

Allow enough time for your brain to retrain itself. While some people may find results within minutes, it may take others a little longer before they feel the effects. Be patient, and you’ll see the results with time.

Are there any side effects to listening to binaural beats?

Binaural beats aren’t harmful, although they do change the brain state. It’s important you realize what brain state you would like to switch to so that you get the maximum value.

It’s important not to listen to binaural beats for prolonged periods of time, as this can create headaches.

Another key thing to keep in mind is that machinery shouldn’t be operated while listening, nor should you be driving when listening to binaural beats.

Increasing volume doesn’t mean you’ll get better effects from listening to binaural beats; the brain can start the brainwave entrainment no matter what the volume level is.

Conclusion

After listening to binaural beats, my life quality has improved significantly. The binaural beats benefits continue to reveal themselves to me over time. With less stress from day to day life, my work and home life have become more balanced, and I continue to listen to binaural beats every day.

More information: – Best Brainwave Entrainment Programs Reviewed – Free Binaural Beats Program by Unify Cosmos

[divinelydivorced]

Aisle 7

Sometimes I think I could make a good deal of money being a private contractor, specializing in fixing dumb layouts within stores and offices.  For example, there should be a separate waiting room at the gynecological office for those having a baby and those not.  Think about it.  Women expecting don’t want to see my thin, in-shape bottom strolling in for my yearly pap, clearly having just come from the gym because I slept in this morning…because I can choose to do that.  Equally, I have zero desire to see the round bellies of those clearly succeeding at fulfilling their roles as women (yes, I know we can do more than have babies). Furthermore, I really don’t want to be paraded by the wall of baby photos on my way back to the cold, sterile room where I’ll soon be asking for another year of birth control.  I mean, come on.  They might as well print a big sign above it that says: “All these babies were produced by women who are not you…but you have a great personality!”

This business venture came to mind again during a late-night trip to Walgreens.  But to understand the emotional state I was in that particular evening, we have to look at a few days prior when my body decided it hated me.  

As a kid and even into early adulthood, I remember watching shows like “The Golden Girls,” where the sassy old broads, usually Sophia, would make a sarcastic comment about being able to finally go to the bathroom.  The laugh track would play loudly, and usually whatever older adult was in the room would join in, nodding in approval.  “What’s so great about being able to do that?,” my naïve, young self thought.  Then I grew up and found out.  There are some days when I literally find myself rejoicing and praising God aloud when my digestion is at its best.  The other day this happened and I just shook my head and thought, “Well, this is the end of my romantic side.”

Digestion is an amazing, terrific gift God has given us.  Yet, like most things in life, we tend to only appreciate it when it’s not working.  Few of us then do what we should do, which is eat a diet that encourages healthy bodily functions.  Nope. Why would we do that when there’s an entire bag of Lays potato chips to eat?  But this goes far beyond digestion.

Lately I’ve started to listen to my body.  Is this starting to sound like a hippie blog?  Good.  Our body gives us signs all day, cuing us into what it needs as well as what it doesn’t need.  Take food for instance.  My stress level has been up lately and there’s always a pile of work waiting for me. What do I do?  I eat.  I’m a stress and emotional eater.  Heaven forbid I just sit down and do the work, which will no doubt give me an energy boost and a sense of accomplishment.  Instead I head to the kitchen and whip up something that will send me into an emotional state of bliss, like my three ingredient peanut butter cookies, a chocolate shake, a bowl of faux-buttery popcorn (don’t knock it ‘till you’ve tried it), or just grab whatever salty snack I’ve stashed in the back of my cabinet.  For all of twenty minutes I’m in heaven as I’m usually elbow deep in a jar of peanut butter. Then, it happens.  My belly starts to swell, fatigue sets in, and my temporary state of bliss has just got buckled into the emotional rollercoaster about to begin.  Who wants to get work done when you feel like that?  Not me.  Usually I flip on Netflix or Hulu, grab four more peanut butter cookies and plop myself down.  

Yet, this whole time my body has been screaming at me to stop polluting itself.  In an effort to ignore it, I drown out the voice by turning up the volume and shoveling more food in.  It’s the same thing with exercise, on both extremes.  There are days when I force myself to get out of bed and go to the gym.  Most mornings I’d say this is a good thing because once I arrive and get going, I start to fill the adrenaline needed to start my day on a right note.  But there are some days when every part of my body is saying no.  As soon as I start to give value to the voice, acknowledge how I’m sleep deprived, overworked, and starting to catch whatever bug is going around, guilt sets in.  I tell my body to keep quiet and drag myself to a treadmill.  The end result is never good because while I do get exercise, I’m cranky and more exhausted than before.

So, as of late, I’ve been attempting to listen more to my body, looking for the signs its giving me about what I need.  Monday night, for example, knowing I’d had a big lunch I checked in with my stomach around dinner time.  There was a little rumble but not much.  Knowing I needed to teach yoga soon and feeling my energy depleting, I made a giant smoothie with fresh vegetables and fruit.  Sure enough, it gave me a boost and felt truly refreshing.  Of course, when I got home my mind starting tell me I was hungry, trying to justify that a little snack wouldn’t be bad since I’d only had a smoothie for dinner.  Just a half hour away from going to bed, I knew my sleep would be restless because my body would have to work too hard to digest whatever I was about to eat.  So, I checked in.  My mind was hungry, craving food I didn’t need, while my stomach was still full and satisfied.  My poodle mocked me while she ate her food in front of me, but I still headed to bed.  As a result, I had an amazing night’s sleep and woke earlier than normal, feeling refreshed.

This pattern of checking in with my body has been proving quite helpful.  I nap when I need to nap, workout when I need exercise, and eat what my body needs, not craves, and only when it is in need of nourishment.  I’m perfect, aren’t I?  N.O.P.E.  Because like most of us, instead of keeping up my healthy routine, I forgot the reason behind it and dropped it as soon as something else came along to distract me.

Starting on Sunday I overindulged, this pattern repeating itself throughout the rest of the week. I didn’t just need a smoothie from Whole Foods, loaded with peanut butter and other calories, but also needed a giant salad…just in case I got hungry later (although I devoured both in the parking lot).  With my pending period (yes, we’re talking about it boys, calm down), all I wanted was salt topped with more salt, with a side of salt.  As opposed to finding a healthy salty snack to satisfy my craving, I ate the entire contents of my kitchen…then broke down and ate a medium bag of ruffles and two bags of sweat pea crisps.  If they saw me coming to the gyno office this week, they’d have ushered me into the waiting room with the pregnant ladies, based on the size of my protruding stomach.

Too many nights were spent up late playing on my phone or talking to friends, when I should have gone right to bed like planned.  My exercise schedule was off as a result and my body didn’t know what to do.  If I was a machine all the red lights would be going off, smoke coming out, as it slowly just gave up and shut down.  My body is quite sensitive ever since I developed food allergies, which is why it’s vital I stick to a healthy routine.

Not only was I suffering physically but my mental and emotional state came crashing with it. When your body doesn’t feel right, you don’t feel right.  I was angry, short-tempered, uncomfortable in my clothes, and feeling very out of control. My skin was oily, my hair was becoming brittle, and the list goes on and on.  I looked and felt gross.

As a result of this new frenzy I’d thrown myself into, my body decided to give me one last, screaming sign that enough was enough: itchiness.  I was itchy.  I was itchy everywhere.  Everywhere. Try teaching a series of public speaking classes when all you want to do is rip off your clothes and rub your body around on the rough carpeted floor like a dog does with its butt when you have company.

The problem was I knew exactly what my body needed.  It needed sleep, non-stop fresh fruits and vegetables for a few days, and some time to decompress mentally and emotionally.  As that wasn’t going to happen with my trip home beginning the next morning, I found myself at Walgreens at 10:00 p.m. on Thursday night.

I looked like a mad woman. Hair frizzy and disheveled, skin pale and blotchy with newly forming pimples, sweaty from hormones kicked into overdrive, and scratching anything I could get away with scratching in public. Grabbing a basket, I threw in any remotely healthy item I could find, which wasn’t much given the location, and then made my way to Aisle 7.

Aisle 7 is the dumbest aisle in the world.  It houses feminine products, condoms, pregnancy tests, and the vast array of items for your baby.  Talk about being on two ends of the life spectrum, both insulting the other.  As I stood at the end of the aisle, scowling and tempted to demand to speak to the genius who thought this layout up, I grew wearier, angrier, and itchier.  All I wanted was to get what I needed and get out of there, possibly knocking over all the shelves as I walked by out of spite.  But I couldn’t.  Because standing in front of what I needed was a couple.  They were a couple, in love, holding hands, swinging those hands back and forth, giggling at one another, whispering, and kissing as they picked up one pregnancy test, read it, put it down, and did the same with every other pregnancy test they could find.  I stared.  “Pick a test,” I thought, “Just take one.  They are all the same.  Everyone knows that.  JUST. PICK. ONE.”  After a few minutes passed and this was clearly not going to be wrapping up any time soon, I walked over and said, far more curtly than intended, “Um, excuse me.” Having popped their little heavenly bubble, they just turned and stared, as I reached down in front of them, grabbed some Monistat, and, while rising, said, “Good luck with that.”

Lesson learned. Listen to my body.  It’s telling me everything I need.  You know, something I’ve been needing to learn for some time is to resist my urges, to stop justifying bad behavior, and start doing what I know is best…trusting the reward will eventually come.  When I work for short-term goals, it never ends well. But I’m learning to make choices that invest in the long-term.  It starts with my body which, I truly believe, will lead to the head and then to the heart.  God has given us this amazing thing to house our soul and to do His work.  It’s time to stop taking it for granted.   Meanwhile, I’m planning a strike in regards to aisle seven, if anyone is interested in joining.