#but I am sleepy and also very happy because goddamn have I mentioned I love newsies I love it so much

[superhousecat-once-again]

I saw Newsies live again after too too long and man every single time it’s like I’m thirteen again, just pure excitement and joy being poured into my system

[limi-pie]

The taste of Red Wine part 5

A/N: Hey everyone long time no see, happy new years! (very late I knooow!) Anyways it’s been quite a while since the I last posted a chapter of TTORW (the taste of red wine). The reason being why is: I’ve been procrastinating so much and had been lazy. Also, I kept changing the plot in chapter 5, because I didn’t like the way I wrote and it was kinda boring (you feel me?). But also I have been busy with my personal life and had been working a lot at my job. But it is finally time to post this chapter. 

Any who here’s chapter 5, I’ve used a lot on time writing this.

The previous chapter is here. So I hope you all will enjoy it!

Genre: Mafia AU, Teacher! Female Reader, Mafia leader! Yoongi. 

Warnings: Violence, bad language, angst, blood, gun shots, wounds, cursing, mentions of smoking, alcohol, flirting, slight hint of Yoongi being jealous and possessive? (Bruh. I don’t how this works, let me know if I should add more)

Summary: You’re starting to get the hang of doing Mafia business, somehow you feel like your ordinary teacher life will start to clash with your adventurous Mafia assistant life upon meeting this new colleague. How will Y/N handle that?

Last edited: On the 11th of August 2022 due to some minor phrases and word changes.

Wordcount: 9,459

The next morning I woke up to the shimmering sunlight from my window. I yawned loudly as I stood up and gazed down at the crowded city. It was Wednesday the 6th of May, at 7:00 AM.

Today sure is chilly, I guess it’ll rain today. I'll make sure to bring an umbrella.

I went into the living room as I let out a small giggle. He looks so cute sleeping there quietly and peacefully. I sat on my knees as I cuddled his nose, poor thing. His nose was icy cold like a snowball, I tried to pull back. “Five more minutes… You’re so warm…” It sounded from a sleepy Yoongi’s raspy morning voice as he wrapped an arm around my back burying his head onto me. “Alright, but only five minutes.” I patted his messy blonde hair and admired his pale face for a moment, naturally my hand cupped his cheek.

I knew he was nothing but danger. But I couldn’t help… but think all he ever wanted was to be: loved, heard, and understood by someone. 

Yoongi groaned as he finally opened his eyes and sat up. “Good morning Y/N.” But I was still deep in my thoughts when I suddenly woke up. “Good morning, Sir Min Suga,” I said as I removed my hand and rubbed my arm awkwardly. “Heh, it’s okay you can call me Yoongi when my members aren’t around. You know that right?” He sat up as he looked me up and down before looking away shyly. I guess my silk dress is too short, he’s such a dork. “Are you hungry? Should I make us some breakfast?” He nodded as he got up to use the bathroom and I went to the kitchen as I wore my apron. Then I turned on the gas stove as I grabbed a pan and grabbed some eggs. I cracked them into a bowl and whisked vigorously, afterward I chopped some vegetables then I mixed them with the egg mixture. Afterward, I washed the rice and turned the rice cooker on, whilst it was cooking I sliced some tofu and soaked it in soy sauce. I placed the vegetable omelets on a plate, then Yoongi came out shirtless with a white towel around his neck.

“Breakfast’s almost done–” I dropped my wooden spatula as I saw his fine features up close. “Do you like what you’re seeing, Y/N?” He cooed as he pinned his arm on the refrigerator and I got flustered as he took advantage of this whole situation.

My back meeting the refrigerator as I tried to look away but he lifted my chin, making my eyes only focus on him. “Yoongi…–” He cupped my face and pulled me into a deep long kiss. I hesitated a bit but finally brought myself to hold onto his chest. Our lips parted after a couple of seconds. “Mmm, you’re a surprisingly good kisser, Y/N.” Yoongi put on a smug smile on his face, before running his thumb over my bottom lip, and all I could do was watch him embarrassedly.

“P-put on a goddamn shirt! You can’t walk around like that around a woman you know!” I yelled as I plated some radish Kimchi. He chuckled as he picked up his clothes and wore them. I handed him a bowl filled with warm rice topped with some red and black beans. “Thanks, it smells amazing.” We ate as Yoongi asked for seconds and I smiled. “So what time do you head to your workplace?” I tilted my head as I scoffed. “I’m off today, I have some courses to attend in Busan. Why?” His tongue clicked as he checked his phone before finally speaking. “Well, I’m meeting with Jaebeom around 1:00 PM, meanwhile I think I should help you with the hacking program Jungkook sent you.” I gasped as I laughed. “Oh! Yeah, I almost forgot about that.” I said as I went to my bedroom. “Just stay there, I’ll get my laptop.” Yoongi walked around as his eyes scanned the living room, he noticed a closed door. Curiosity killed his mind as he opened the door and went inside to explore. “So this is the bastard’s bedroom.” The bed was a mess, alcohol and food stains were visible on the carpet floor. But what caught his attention was the dusted shelf with some photos of Y/N and Daniel.

A letter with pink hearts saying: “Thank you for loving and being with me. Happy 3rd anniversary, love you lots. - Yours truly Y/N M. Lee”

“Yoongi, what are you doing in here? You can’t just enter Daniel’s room like that…” I saw him hold the framed photo of me and Daniel when he finally turned around. “Why isn’t he here? Your so-called boyfriend?” His left fist clenched and I sighed, facepalming as I pulled his hand. We left the room.

“Look. I told you he’s staying at his friend’s place for a while. It’s pretty normal for couples to have fights and arguments.” I held my laptop close to my chest trying to comfort my pathetic excuse, “I mean that’s when you know a relationship is strong…” Yoongi was quiet and didn’t respond. I bet what I just said must’ve upset him. “Never mind. Guess you’re just like every other naive woman. Come on, let’s just focus on the hacking program.” He said as he sat down on the couch, it took me a couple of minutes before placing the laptop on the table and turning my back to him.

“…Other naive women? Tch, thanks Suga.” I stood there crossing my arms before slamming my hands on the table. Feeling myself get fierce and as that word struck a nerve in me. “Why don’t you hire some other placeholder as your stupid replacement for Jeon Jungkook?! Like that girl Candy, Huh?!” This was the second time I’ve raised my voice at Yoongi and potentially threatened him. A couple of seconds went by and only silence was present in the room.

“I should just go, you know. Ask Jungkook to help you out, whatever you do. I don’t give a fucking damn.” He stood up fixing his tie before walking for the door. “Yoongi… W-wait I didn’t mean–” He turned around and glared. “Whatever it is, it’s not important. I’ve some business to take care of and I don’t have any time for your unnecessary drama.” Yoongi said as he walked out and closed the door behind him. I felt myself fall to my knees and cover my face. “Why am I so fucking stupid? Nngh… Stupid, stupid, stupid…” I began whimpering and sobbing, I once again let my emotions get the best of me. After 30 minutes of spacing out and feeling the guilt, I got up to check on my phone. I had 3 unread messages from the mysterious number I’ve never seen.

01 09 19 97:

“Hello Lee Y/N Noona”

“How’s the hacking program running any problems or technical issues? Just tell me and I’ll help you right away, boss said something important came up.”

“By the way this is Jungkook.”

I smiled a bit seeing his cute and polite texts. “Thanks, Jungkook. It means a lot, sure thing let me just check it through.” I opened my laptop and ran the program as I checked the settings.

“I’ll make sure to write back to you and keep you updated if anything goes wrong.” I sighed before seeing all the green digits and different files named ‘tutorials’. I clicked around for 40 minutes as I decided to call Jungkook.

“Hello? Hi~ Jeon Jungkook, am I bothering you? No, I’m sorry, it’s just. I think I’ve got the hang of it and such. And I was thinking, no I was wondering if we could meet up at a cafe and test it out? Really? You’ll come to pick me up? Thank you so much!” I brightened up a little by talking with Jungkook, though he’s the youngest. He seems like the kindest and good guy among the Bangtan Gang. The clock showed 12:05 PM on my watch as I waited for him near the Gangnam station, holding my red umbrella as it was raining. I checked my hair and face one more time, reassuring that I didn’t have something on it.

A silver KIA car pulled up as Jungkook lowered the window and smiled. “Good afternoon, Noona. How are you?” I couldn’t help but smile back, though his arm was injured he drove all the way here to pick me up. “I’m good Jungkook, how are you? You shouldn’t have driven if your arm’s still injured. I feel terrible for making you do this.” He chuckled as he rubbed the steering wheel, looking confident. “I’m alright Noona, really. If I can play Overwatch then driving you to the “City Hall” Station shouldn’t be much of a problem.” I scoffed before ruffling his hair and giggling. He smiled when suddenly his eyes looked down on my lips and then up to my eyes. He got shy as he looked away blushing slightly. “Silly guy, there’s no way I’d let you drive, the other members would be so worried. Now move over, Noona knows a shortcut.” He agreed as he moved over to sit in the passenger seat. After driving for a bit, I parked the car as we headed inside a coffee shop.

“So if I want to reach “Yeonsan” Station in Busan… I’ll have to take Line 1 all the way to “City Hall” Station. From there switch to Line 1 heading towards Nopo and that should be just one long stop.” I explained to myself as I walked with Jungkook, he chuckled. “Noona you sure are weird, but still very smart.” He said, rubbing his ear as he entered the coffee shop. “What really? Well, it’s just that I’ve to be somewhere in an hour that’s why. Anyways what would you like to order? I’ll treat us to something delicious.” His eyes widened as he shook his head politely.

“No, no. Noona I can’t let you pay, not after all the work you’re doing for us–” I smiled as I declined, sitting down near the glass window. “No, really it’s fine, Jungkook. I mean it, after all, you drove all the way here with that injured arm. This is the least I can do, you know.” My dimples were showing from smiling so much at Jungkook. Looking at him, he’s as cute and kinda resembles an innocent bunny. I have a hard time believing he’s the hitman of the Bangtan Gang…

“Umm Noona, I'd like to order a cup of café latte. Pretty please.” He bowed his head before chucking a bit and showing me a soft smile. “Sure I’ll get you that. I’ll be right back.” I got up walking to the line as I waited patiently for my turn to order. “Hi, I’m Johnny and what can I do for you, Ms.?” I nodded as I pointed to the menu cart on the board. “Yes, I’d like to order one hot Café Latte and one Iced Caramel Macchiato, thank you.” I paid as I got our drinks and made my way to Jungkook. When my eyes caught the attention of a handsome young man, he looked much like Prince Eric from ‘The Little Mermaid’. His soft dark brown hair, the white shirt he was wearing. And those pretty brown eyes were gazing into mine. He flashed me a soft smile as I looked away, realizing I was staring for a long time. “Noona, is everything alright? You stood there and just stared at the air…” I sat down as I shook my head a little.

“Yeah, yeah. I just… spaced out a bit. Sorry, you had to wait a bit too long. But here’s your drink, one warm Café Latte and one Iced Caramel Macchiato for me, hehe.” I took a little sip of mine as I giggled. “Wow Noona, thanks so much! This tastes really great, I guess coffee in Busan is tastier than Seoul.” We both laughed as he took out a tablet. “Alright, I know you probably got the hang of it. But let me show you how it works. Look at the electric menu board with all the beverages.” I looked closely as Jungkook tapped on his tablet before one of the beverages changed into ‘Banana Milk’. “W-Woah! That’s so cool, how did you do that?!” He smirked as he showed me the same program as my laptop running on his tablet.

“You see, Noona, I’m not only a great hacker. I’m also an excellent programmer.” He winked and smirked as he showed me his phone running the same program too. “Wow. You’re really amazing, Jeon Jungkook!” He laughed before typing some stuff and pressing a few buttons. “Wait for it and there!” He hacked one of the security cameras monitoring us. “Omg Jungkook you’re so cool! Now quit it or we’ll get kicked out!” I giggled as he returned everything back to normal, we both laughed. Some time had passed as I learned a few more things about hacking and altering digits. “Anyways, I think Boss would like you to join the meeting with the GOT7 Gang.”

Jungkook mentioned, packing his laptop into his backpack as he checked the time. I thought back to the fight that we had earlier this morning as I felt guilty. “No. I don’t think Suga needs me to be there for that meeting. Last time with the GOT7. Things didn’t really go well last time and I’m probably a nuisance anyways–” I was blabbering when he interrupted me with an obvious question. “Could it be, did you and Hyung fight or argue today?” My eyes went from staring at the ground to look up at Jungkook once before nodding.

“Yeah, we kinda did. And it’s all because of me. I’m the one at fault. I think he hates me now, once again Y/N’s a huge idiot…” Jungkook patted my hair as he smiled brightly. “Don’t worry about it, Noona. I know Boss Suga can be cold and direct, I’m sure he doesn’t feel that way about you. You’re not an idiot.” His words made me feel a little less guilty as I walked down the street for my train. “Jeon Jungkook, thank you. It means a lot and thanks for teaching me once again.” I bowed my head, showing my gratitude as he chuckled.

“No need to thank me. After all, Noona you treated me to coffee. So I guess that makes us even?” I nodded as I waved while smiling. “Drive safe, I’ll see you around.” I headed down the subway. I was checking how many minutes until Line 1 would arrive. It was just 3 minutes and I checked my phone to see the time. I entered it as I listened to “Some” by BOL4. The long ride was over as I finally reached “Yeonsan Station”. I recognized the building as I headed inside. I had to check-in at the reception, I saw a lady with the name tag 'Im Na Yeon’. I approached her desk as I greeted her.

“Hello, Miss how may I help you?” I smiled, bowing my head. “Yes could you kindly help me, find this?” I asked, taking out my ID and the meeting information. “Just need to find the place for English courses and here’s the information.” Nayeon smiled as she looked at her computer screen. “Yes Ms. Meílíng, it’s on the 13th floor, down the blue hall and it’s room 93. You can take the elevator over there.” She explained pointing as I bowed again, making my leave. “Thank you so much, have a great day Miss,” I said as I walked to the elevator as it closed and I noticed the familiar man. Whom I encountered at Starbucks earlier with Jungkook. The elevator opened again as I bowed my head, walking inside.

“Thank you, Sir.” Our eyes locked as I looked away when he cleared his throat. “You must be Lee Meílíng Y/N. The one who teaches ‘Korean, English literature and culture’, I’ve heard your students scored the highest scores on last year’s English exams.” I looked at him swiftly as I pursed my lips.

“How… How did you know that? And how come you know my name as well?” He tilted his head, smiling gently as he leaned in our eyes once again locked. “Name’s Wong Kunhang, but I go by Mr. Wong. I’m going to be your new colleague at National Seoul University.” I looked up as he held his hand out once the elevator opened. I blinked a few times catching a good glimpse of his fine eyes as I shook his hand.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Wong. I look forward to working with you.” I smiled bowing as I was shaking his hand calmly. “It’s a pleasure finally meeting you, Ms. Meílíng Y/N.” We both walked down the blue hall, my heels clicking. As it seemed like, we were heading for the same location. I stood in front of the door with the number ‘93’ sign near it when I noticed him waiting for me to enter. I felt like something or someone was watching me, I looked behind me once more before entering. I sat down as the professor started to talk as I wrote down some notes from her PowerPoint.

Meanwhile at the Bangtan mansion… “Wait, where’s Ms. Y/N? Is she upstairs?” A curious Jackson Wang asked as he looked around. “No, sorry. Mr. Wang, she happened to have something else to attend to.” Jungkook explained as he sat down and Jaebeom stared at Jackson. “Anyways, back to what I was saying, Mr. Min Suga. Er-hmm the information I’ve gathered about the Blood Vessel Gang is inside this file. Jinyoung, please hand it over. Jinyoung nodded as he took a folder out of his jacket. “Here it is, Mr. Min. I hope you find it useful.” Yoongi took it as he looked at it before analyzing all the information.

“Thanks. It may not be a lot, but so far it’s useful. So Jayden, Seungri, Josh, and Max. I still got Jayden locked down in the basement, so far he’s giving up a bit of information, slowly.” He drank a shot of Soju, looking around the GOT7 members. “Maybe we could use some backup with two or three of your members, Mr. Jaebeom. I think tracking Josh and Max is the key to locate Seungri.” Taehyung suggested, as he was drinking some Sake and looked at the map with their hideouts. “If you need that, I’m willing to lend you some help. However, it’s not going to be without a deal first. It’ll cost you quite, some cash.” Jaebeom said, looking up as he drank some white wine. “By the way, Mr. Min. Aren’t you usually 4 men in your gang? Where’s Mr. Park Jimin?” Jackson asked, looking around as he had a serious look on Yoongi. “He’s out for an important task, I had asked him to take care of it. Why, does it concern you, Mr. Wang?” He scoffed, staring as his tongue clicked.

I know, not everyone is aware that Lee M. Y/N is working with the Bangtan Gang. But for her safety and ours, I’m counting on Jimin to spy on her and look out for her. In case, the Blood Vessel Gang or other Gangs might be onto something. I can’t afford to lose her.

“Well, it was just unusual Mr. Min. Anyway, I think I’ll be able to lend a hand in finding those guys. Besides I’m great in combat and speed, so you can count on me. Maybe Y/N would be on Team Wang. If she saw these guns, cause whoo!~” Jackson said as he had a smug look flexing his biceps and muscles. “Jungkook what took you so long? You said you went to drive for a bit. Did something happen?” Taehyung asked as he whispered. “I was in a cafe with Y/N, she needed help with hacking and she treated me to some coffee.” He chuckled happily as he was blushing a bit as Yoongi squinted his eyes in confusion.

“You were on a date with Y/N?!?” Taehyung yelled as he was clearly jealous, and it caught the attention of the rest of the GOT7 Gang. “Date? No way, so Y/N’s into younger guys and her type is gamer guys?!” Jackson asked in disappointment as he crossed his arms. Yoongi clenched his fist a bit as he drank a whole bottle of Soju. “It-It wasn’t a date! She said it was more of her way of saying thanks for helping her with things and such.” About 90 minutes had passed as they got up and had made a deal. “So Jackson, Yugyeom, and Jinyoung are going to help you. In exchange for some money and weapons, Bangtan.” Yoongi nodded, shaking Jaebeom’s hand and agreeing to the deal. “I’ll send some more details and information about the NCT Gang from my computer to you, Jungkook,��� Yugyeom said as he headed out along with the rest of the gang.

“Boss, are you okay? You seem quite furious or rather frustrated about something.” Taehyung asked as he looked at the empty cans of Soju around Yoongi, that he had drunk. “Why do you ask? Mind your own business.” He waddled to the bathroom as he groaned. Jungkook and Taehyung looked at each other, shrugging their shoulders as they headed inside his room to play Super Mario Odyssey. “Jesus Christ, Y/N. Why do you have to be so troublesome!? Why can’t you understand that? That I like you?” Yoongi asked himself while hiccuping. Looking at his drunk expression in the mirror. He headed upstairs as he laid on his bed, checking his text messages with his brother. Before accidentally dialing his number. “Hey, how are you? I just finished my classes, everything okay?” Yoongi’s older brother asked as he answered, waiting for his answer. “Hyung… Can… Can… y-you pick me up and drive me somewhere in an hour?” Yoongi asked drunkenly as he hiccuped once again.

Wong kept his eyes on me, something about him made me attracted to him. I couldn’t tell what it was, maybe it’s the glasses or his pretty eyes or his collected personality?

“Excuse me, Ms. Meílíng. Ms. Meílíng!” I shook my head as I was thinking again. When I noticed Wong waving his hand in front of me. “Are you alright?” I grabbed my bottle and drank some water, blushing in embarrassment. “Y-yeah, I think something was on my mind. I’m terribly sorry, Ms. Sung.” Wong chuckled a bit as he looked down on his tablet typing some notes. “Alright everyone, time for a small 10 minutes break! Feel free to use the bathroom or grab a cup of coffee.” Ms. Sung announced as she left the classroom shortly. I checked my phone as I read a text message from Lisa, apparently, she has been hanging out a lot with her childhood friend from Thailand. I texted, saying I’ll call her later. “So Ms. Meíling, I was thinking of you and I could treat you to dinner later in the evening?” I was smiling like a dork because of those dirty jokes I and Lisa made. “Sorry what? Are you asking me on a date, Mr. Wong? Then the answer’s a clear no.”

He’s probably trying to get into my panties. Hmmph, as if I hadn’t heard of that poor excuse of a pick-up line countless times. But I’m not falling for that shit.

He scoffed, looking down on his phone, “well, not quite. I was thinking of getting to know you a bit better through a fancy dinner. Considering you’ll be my supervisor when you’ll show me around campus at National Seoul University. But if you aren’t interested then that’s understandable.” He looked at me, smiling as he got up to look at the window. I put my phone down as I was too quick to judge his intentions, “sorry, I was a bit too judgemental.”

I stood up as I looked at him, bowing my head. “It’s just that I’m so used to newly hired male colleagues always flirting or trying to hook up with me. That’s why I’m so quick to reject offers like that.” He turned around as he bowed his head too, “no. It’s alright, you’re quite an excellent, mature and responsible woman as the principal has described you. But I’m strictly here to work and not have any relationships with any of my female colleagues.”

Hearing him speak so well-mannered and respectful, that was a different answer from others. He truly was like a prince. Part of me wanted to say yes to his request, the other part of me also hesitated.

The break was over as Ms. Sung began writing stuff down on the blackboard. “I’ll give you my answer after this,” I whispered into his ear he simply nodded as we had to analyze and discuss Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet. The class was over as I looked at him. “So um sure let’s go for dinner. What time and where should we meet?” I spoke, packing my things and bag. “Well, how about 7:00 PM in front of the “Gwanak-Gu Office” station, Ms. Meílíng?” I nodded, slipping a piece of paper into his suit, “here’s my number in case you’re late, Mr. Wong. See you later.~” I added, taking my leave as he scoffed. “Heh, that fierceness and confidence. I’ll definitely see you, Y/N.” I walked outside the building, heading straight to the station. “Really? Did you hook up with one of your childhood friends from Thailand? Omg Lalisa Manoban you’re wild!” I was walking towards the station as I spoke with her on the phone. “Well yeah, he was my second but although it wasn’t that big he knew how to use it. Ahahahaha!” I wheezed hard, goofing around with dirty jokes was hilarious.

Although she’s the youngest of our friend group, she’s still the funniest and always manages to make me laugh. 

“Well gotta go, Li-Girlie. I need to catch my train. I got something important to take care of. Later.~” I said, hanging up as I headed downstairs, waiting patiently for my train. “So where exactly should I drop you off, Yoongi?” He looked over at him as Yoongi was staring out of the window, watching the raindrops fall. “Hnn… “Gangnam” Station, Baekhyun Hyung.” Baekhyun sighed, shaking his head. “You’re usually not in Gangnam, what’s your business there?” He hiccupped as his tongue clicked, “none of your business, Hyung. Just don’t mind it.” Some time had passed as I arrived at the Gangnam station. After exiting the station I opened my umbrella as it was raining heavily.

Damn. It’s really pouring down. I wonder how this dinner date will go… Is Wong really a different male colleague from the others… I was walking when I suddenly noticed a blonde-haired man with a black cap on walking, almost staggering in the rain. No way that’s him. What’s he doing here? Is he just going to yell at me again? The man sneezed as he kept walking fast in the direction of my apartment.

I sighed as I ran after him. “Yoongi what the hell?! What are you doing here…?” I asked, letting him under my umbrella. I was still very angry at him for that terrible morning. Our eyes met as I sighed. “Y/N… I’m sorry.” Yoongi acknowledged as he was shivering, “I came here to apologize to you.” I could tell he was serious about his apology, just by the look in his eyes.

“Come on, let’s get inside and talk. You must be freezing, you drunk idiot.” I let out a small laugh as we both walked inside the elevator. I entered after typing the password, “just stay in the hallway, I’ll get you a large towel to dry yourself.” I took my heels off and put them on the shoe rack. “Thanks for letting me inside.” He said as he hiccupped. I handed him a large towel as he dried himself. “Who dropped you off here? Was it one of the members?” I asked, heating the water as I grabbed two packs of Korean noodles. “It was my Hyung. I asked him to pick me up and drop me off here.” He sat on the stool as he looked at me.

“I know I shouldn’t be here. But I want to apologize for what I did and said earlier. That was quite harsh and I hurt you.” Yoongi’s voice was full of honesty and guilt, I was watching his expression closely as I nodded, rubbing my arm. “I mean my relationship is my relationship. That’s why I didn’t like you stepping into it and speaking as if you knew everything. Although you’re probably right about Daniel Jones and me. Maybe I really shouldn’t wait for him any longer.” I cupped my face, turning around as I added the noodles into the boiling water and added the sauce. Suddenly I felt his arms around my stomach giving me a back hug. “Yoongi, I’m cooking… You know.” He hummed, “I don’t care. You know maybe it’s time for you to move on, break up with him, Y/N.” He rested his chin on my shoulder as he pecked my cheek. I moved the saucepan away from the heat and turned around. He tilted his head in confusion as I leaned in, placing my hands on his shoulder, and pulled him into a deep kiss.

“Mmh…” He hummed, placing his hands on my back, his hands running up and down as I slowly pulled back. “For someone who isn’t my boyfriend… You sure talk a lot.” He ran his tongue in his mouth as he scoffed offendedly. “But I kinda like that about you. And I always have.” I leaned in pulling him by the tie, giving him a deep kiss. “God, you're a really fierce and wild woman. I like that about you.” He rubbed his bottom lip as his tongue clicked and I crossed my arms sassily, “come on let’s eat, Suga.” I poured over the noodles into the bowls and grabbed 2 pairs of chopsticks. We ate and watched some TV after some time had passed.

“Well, I have a meeting with this new colleague of mine, I think it’s best if we both leave at the same time?” I asked, letting my hair down as I was looking at myself in the mirror. “Hmm, you don’t want me to stay here in this apartment until you get back?” Yoongi asked cunningly as he looked at me. “Well, don’t you have some business or paperwork you need to check on, Mafia leader?” I scoffed, applying on red lipstick as I pursed my lips and fixed my black tight dress. “For a meeting, you’re dressed quite incredibly, is your colleague perhaps a male?” He asked, looking at me curiously as he waited for my response.

“I just want to look good, is that a problem, Boss?” I replied sassily, having my hands on my hips. “Not at all, just be careful, Y/N. That color on your lips,” he walked in front of me as he ran his thumb on my chin, “...might give him the wrong idea.” I smacked his hand away as I frowned, crossing my arms. “Yoongi I know what I’m doing. I’m not naive, alright?” He had his usual careless expression as his tongue poked his cheek. “Alright, I believe you. Just be careful with the alcohol and have a nice evening.” He chuckled as he smiled warmly at me, I nodded. “Well is someone going to pick you or do you take the subway?” I put on my beige coat as I stood in the hallway, putting on my heels, “yeah Jimin will pick me up in a few minutes.” He put on his shoes as he looked at me. “Okay let’s go then.” I grabbed my bag as I waited outside my door as we both headed down.

“Here.” Yoongi looked at me as I stood in front of the stairs leading down to the subway, “what’s this for?” He asked when I opened the umbrella as I placed it in his hand. “So you won’t get cold in the rain. I’ll go ahead, make sure to stay warm.” I hugged him as I noticed the black Hyundai slowly approaching and I let go of him. “Take care, Y/N, and thanks.” I waited in front of the “Gwanak-Gu Office” station, checking the time it was 6:50 PM as I looked around.

“Good evening, Ms. Meílíng. My apologies if I kept you waiting.” Mr. Wong appeared as he let out his hand as I shook it. “You didn’t keep me waiting, I just arrived here.” My lips formed a little smile as I saw he was dressed nicely. He opened his umbrella and pointed at the restaurant, “come on. Shall we go Ms. Meílíng?” I nodded as I went under his umbrella and followed his lead to the fancy restaurant. “Wow, this is a nice restaurant, Mr. Wong.” I looked around as I noticed the amazing decor and the atmosphere as he pulled the chair out for me. “Glad you like it here,” I sat down as I bowed. “Anyway feel free to order anything you like Ms. Meílíng.

This Italian restaurant is known for its organic and most authentic food.” I thanked him, smiling sweetly. “So are there any questions you have related to work, Mr. Wong?” I asked, waiting for his response. He thought for a few seconds as he chuckled. “Well yes, are you by any chance Chinese? I’m originally from Macau.” My eyes scanned over him as his pretty face, “oh that’s interesting, Mr. Wong. I think I’ll order the Margherita pizza and some garlic bread along with a soda. “Well, Actually, yes I’m half Chinese. My mother’s Chinese and my father’s Korean.” I explained as he nodded, listening to me.

“Wow, half Chinese and half Korean that’s an interesting combination. I think I’ll order the lasagna and a glass of wine.”

I felt a weird feeling within my heart. But it was probably just me being paranoid.

After an hour of endless talking and enjoying the delicious food, also while consuming a bit of wine. “Wow, I’ve never met such an intelligent and respectful man like you, Mr. Wong.” He smiled as he looked deeply into my eyes, “same goes to you Ms. Y/N. I really can’t wait to work with you in the future.” I laughed as I was a bit tipsy, my phone getting spammed with notifications. “If you’ll excuse me, I just need to use the bathroom, Wong, hehe.” I left my phone on the table as I walked over and quickly looked at myself in the bathroom mirror as I laughed,

“holy shit. I didn’t notice my chest was so visible…” I pulled the straps of my dress up over my shoulder blades. I returned as Wong smiled, “everything okay Ms. Y/N? I’ve ordered you a glass of water.” I laughed as I sat down and drank the water, “everything’s just fine, just like you are Prince~” I said, poking his nose as I drunk flirted with him. He took a hold of my hand and kissed it. “Well, how nice of you, in that case, you’re a Princess, Y/N. It shall be my duty to follow you home. I’ve already paid for both of us, let’s go.” I mumbled a yes as I stood up, grabbing my purse and phone.

“Thank you, Prince Eric…” We both walked out as it was still pouring out heavily. Wong opened his large umbrella as I stood under it, “stay close to me alright, Y/N?” He wrapped my arm around his shoulder as our eyes met. My heart skipped a beat as I simply nodded. “It’s 11:12 PM, which station do you get off at?” I mumbled Gangnam as he nodded, waving at a cab. We both got in as he took care of the explaining.

“Sorry for being so troublesome, Wong. I shouldn’t have consumed wine when my alcohol tolerance is so low.” I rested my head on his shoulder as he looked at me, shaking his head. “Don’t worry about it, we all have our limits. We’re almost there and I want to thank you for tonight.” A couple of minutes had passed as the cab pulled up to the station that I recognized. “We’re here,” the driver said as Wong paid for the ride. We got out as we both bowed to the driver, thanking him as he drove away.

“Looks like it’s still raining a bit, let me walk you to your apartment.” We walked as I held his hand, “thanks for paying for the dinner and the cab ride. I owe you one, Wong. I had a great time with you” I stood in front of the apartment building. “Well, don’t think about owing me anything. It was a pleasure for me too, Y/N. I hope we’ll work great together at SNU.” I bowed respectfully as he waved and left. “Y/N, if there’s ever anything you need just give me a call.” My eyes widened as I nodded, typing the apartment’s password as I entered, I used the elevator as I noticed a man in a black leather jacket, holding a red umbrella. When he suddenly turned around, lowering his hoodie. 

“Yoongi what are you doing here?–” Yoongi wrapped his arms around me, pulling me closer to his chest as I could hear his rapid heartbeat. “Where have you been? I was really worried that something might’ve happened to you. Considering you didn’t answer my calls or texts.” He let go of me as I hiccupped and mumbled, “sorry I must've been busy. Let me just check my phone.” I typed the password as we entered my home, “that’s strange. Why is your phone on flight mode? You put it on purpose so I wouldn’t interrupt you, right?” He looked over my shoulder as his eyes changed drastically.

“What…? No. Yoongi, l didn’t put it on flight mode to purposely ignore you. I swear.” I turned around as I put my coat on the coat rack, holding his hand as he wasn’t looking at me. “You had me worried, Y/N. That meeting must’ve been more than just work-related, right? Hmmph. It explains why you’re so happy and tipsy.” I felt him getting on my nerves as I stomped the floor, “would you mind your own business and leave me alone? I don’t like you being here to scold me out, alright Boss?” I said, walking past him as I went inside my bedroom, smacking the door. “Such an asshole…” I pulled my dress over my head. I put on my XL hoodie and just wore some black panties, frowning.

I exited my bedroom as I noticed Yoongi putting on his shoes in the hallway. “I’ll be going back to the mansion. See you around.” I felt a sharp pain in my heart listening as his cold yet hurt voice spoke. “Yoongi… Wait.” I walked towards him as I gave him a tight back hug, squeezing him. “Can’t… can’t we just talk it out?” He scoffed as he moved my arms away as he faced me. “Talk out what exactly? That you intentionally put your phone on flight mode even though you were in a meeting? Y/N, I’m not dumb, that dinner meant more than just work-related business.” I looked down as I couldn’t bring myself to keep eye contact.

“It wasn’t me, I swear I put my phone on silent mode. Not flight mode, I swear it wasn’t me. My phone must’ve made some technical error or something.” I hiccupped as I looked at him, waiting for his response. His fists were clenched then he let go of them, he exhaled as he put his hands on my shoulders. “I believe you. I’m sorry I doubted you. I must admit, my lack of communication isn’t very helpful either. Is it alright if I stay here right with you?” I nodded, as I looked at him. “Sure but aren’t the other members worried about your whereabouts?” I asked as he smiled, “no worries. I’ve notified Jimin about it. You still seem quite drunk, what did you drink?” I laughed as I felt my head get dizzy and then I fell into Yoongi’s chest as he caught me.

It was black all of a sudden as I opened my eyes again, I was lying on my couch with Yoongi’s black leather jacket on my legs as I rubbed my head. “Good. You’re finally awake, how are you feeling?” He asked, handing me a glass of water as I immediately drank off it. “You know, I’m having a quite brutal headache, usually when I get drunk it’s normal but this one really made me lose consciousness.” I constated, rubbing my head as he looked at me and pulled me into his arms. “Y/N, do you remember what kind of wine or liquor you drank?” I cuddled into his chest, mumbling, “no I don’t. I just remember Mr. Wong just recommended it to me. But maybe it was a strong Italian wine considering it was an authentic Italian restaurant.” I added, looking up as he stroked my back. “Just be careful with drinking. After all, your alcohol tolerance is quite low, heh.” I checked my phone as I turned off the flight mode when the notifications came popping in.

Min Suga (Yoongi)

09:01 PM: “Hey, I’m on my way to return your red umbrella from earlier.”

09:01 PM: “Do you want me to pick you up once you’ve finished your meeting?”

3 missed call(s) from Min Suga (Yoongi) 

10:55 PM: “Why aren’t you picking up, are you alright?”

11:15 PM: “I’m near your apartment.”

11:30 PM: “Just… tell me you’re alright so I don’t have to worry.”

I felt myself switch from talking casually to formally as I realized Yoongi was still my leader. “Shit, I’m sorry for making you concerned, Sir Suga–” He embraced me while looking deeply into my dark brown eyes, “–call me by real name when it’s just the two of us, Y/N.” I gasped as my hands rested on his chest, “come on I want you to call me by my real name.”

I fluttered my eyes as I spoke, “Yoongi… Sorry for being so troublesome.” Yoongi flashed his well-known smirk as he pecked my lips as I wrapped my hands around his neck, deepening the kiss. “You’re not troublesome, Y/N. I guess my lack of trusting people is an issue here. I always fear that someone might cross paths with you and trick you, but that fierce and wise attitude of yours isn’t something to mess with.” Hearing his compliments. They made me happy, naturally forming my dimples.

“Thank you, Yoongi. I should probably head to bed, it’s late.” I rubbed his shoulder as I cuddled his nose, I stood up as I kissed his forehead good night. “Goodnight, Y/N. Sleep tight.” I walked into my bedroom as I stood in the doorway, “why don’t you sleep with me in my bedroom tonight?” I turned around, waiting for his response. “Are you sure this is okay with you? I’m afraid I might do something while I’m sleeping.” Yoongi stated as he faced me as I pulled the blanket over us, “of course, besides I feel safer with you this close to me.” I confessed as I gave him a quick kiss as he scoffed with his gummy smile. “Alright, sweet dreams Y/N.”

We fell asleep as many hours had passed, I woke up to the sound of something cooking in the kitchen. Naturally, I followed the lovely smell as I saw Yoongi wearing an apron as he was frying some sunny side eggs.

“Good morning, Y/N.” He said, looking back as he smiled, “morning Yoongi.” I said, wrapping my arms around his stomach, hugging him. “It smells nice, I didn’t know you could cook.” He scoffed, placing the eggs on a plate. “Well. I do, I just don’t make food on the regular. While you were sleeping, I went over to the nearby bakery and supermarket to buy some bread and fresh fruits.”

I sat on the counter, observing him as I smiled. “Wow, Yoongi you’re so incredible, unlike Daniel.” He smirked as turned around, placing his hands on the counter as he looked into my eyes. “Well, cooking isn’t the only thing I’m incredible at.” Yoongi leaned in as he kissed me deeply and passionately, I ran my hands up and down his back. I hummed as he smirked into the kiss as I pulled back, “gosh Yoongi you’re such a big tease.~ Come on let’s eat. It’s already 08:35 AM, my class starts at 2 PM.” I said as I got down from the counter and I grabbed the plates, putting them on the table. He poured coffee into a mug as he looked at me, “how do you like your coffee?” I smiled as I ate a piece of bread with the egg on top.

“With a dash of milk and two teaspoons of sugar.” He nodded, handing me my cup of coffee as I took a sip of it. “After breakfast… I thought we could look at the hacking program together, Y/N?” I hummed, enjoying the food as he ate too. “Sorry… Mmmh! It’s just I was really hungry, you’ve cooked the eggs to perfection. And the fresh fruits you’ve picked are incredibly sweet! But yes we can look at it.” Yoongi chuckled as his gummy smile was showing off, “well relax it’s just a simple breakfast, Y/N.” After finishing breakfast, I turned on my laptop as I stood in front of my bedroom door. “Let me just take a quick shower then you can teach me some tips and tricks?” I said, putting a towel on my right shoulder. “Mmh-hmm.” He said, licking his lips as he checked his Rolex watch. “Want me to join you, Y/N?” I gasped as I walked past him. “In your dreams Min Yoongi,” I said, entering the bathroom as I turned on the shower. 

God. He’s such a tease. But I like that. 

“So I’ve spoken with Jungkook. He told me you got the basic tricks down. However, I have a mission tonight where we need to hack something, regarding a digital lock.” I raised an eyebrow, thinking about what he just said. “I need to hack a digital lock? How the fuck do I do that?” I looked at the hacking program I had installed yesterday, “I’ll show you. Follow me.” Yoongi said, holding my hand as he walked outside and I followed naturally. “What are you going to do? Or rather what are you trying to do?” I asked, observing Yoongi running the app on his phone. “I’m showing you how to hack a digital lock. Since you’re familiar with the app already, you want to hold out your phone near your target; the digital lock. Your password is 301993 right?” I nodded, indicating my answer.

“So are you going to hack my digital lock now?” I gave him a serious yet concerned stare as he nodded, “I’ll just demonstrate it. Don’t worry too much. Now you want to enter the password backward on the app. So it’ll sound like 39, just give it 15 seconds to adjust the coding. And now just press the ‘login’ button.” I was confused by the movements happening on his phone but I went to type in my password as it declined.

“So now that must mean… the new ‘key’ is 794080, right?” I scoffed as I looked at Yoongi, “correct. You’re an excellent observer, Y/N.” I typed in the new password as it opened, “well how do I revert it now? I might forget ‘794080’ as the new password…” Yoongi scoffed as he handed me his phone, the app still running. “You just click at ‘password setting’ then scroll down to ‘saved passwords’. So far I’ve two saved ones, the one named ‘password 1’ is the original and the correct password.” I nodded, following Yoongi’s directions as I returned the digital lock to normal.

“Wow that’s incredible, you’re a great hacker, Yoongi.” I told him, re-entering my home as he followed me as I stood in the hallway, “there is other stuff I’m great at too, Y/N~” Yoongi smirked as he pinned my arms above my head to the nearest wall.

“Yoongi.” I said as I felt him kiss me passionately as I scoffed, “do you want me to stop?” Our eyes met as I blinked, shrugging.

I don’t want you to stop… 

I cupped his cheeks as I leaned in. “I dunno… I kind of like when you’re so honest and straightforward when it’s just the two of us…” I fluttered my eyes, avoiding his dangerous gaze. 

“Mmh? Tell me what’s on your mind, Y/N.” He tilted his head, I automatically locked eyes with him.

“But I don’t get it…” I said, feeling myself get frustrated. He raised an eyebrow in response.

Y/N. Just be honest with yourself. Min Yoongi is right in front of you.

“Get what?” He asked, his hand slowly caressing the side of my jawline.

“I don’t get why you like me?” There was a short moment of silence as he scoffed. That’s when Yoongi pressed his forehead against mine as he looked deeply into my eyes.

“Because you’re so hot and I want you.” I furrowed my eyebrows, his response pissed me off as I placed my hands on his chest pushing him and I was about to walk away.

“You’re a huge asshole, Min Yoongi.”

When he suddenly held me close to him as I looked at him confused and pissed off. 

“I know I am but Y/N didn’t let me finish.” He had a sly smile as he said that.

“Tch.” I hissed crossing my arms as he leaned in.

“I’ve always crushed on you. Unlike other girls at our high school, you always stood up for others when they were being bullied or picked on. The strong, nonjudgemental, and fierce yet scary attitude yours intrigued me. One time I didn’t have enough money to buy myself lunch and you offered me half of your lunch. That kindness but the fiery personality of yours was enough for me to fall for you Y/N Lee Meílíng. That’s why I like you.” My eyes widened as I was left speechless by his confession.

I blinked a few times as my hands ran slowly on his chest up to his shoulders, pressing my lips against his. Meeting him with a soft, deep, and warm kiss as he wrapped his arms around me. “Mmh…” Yoongi hummed, smirking into the kiss.

“Oh, Min Yoongi. You have no idea how much I want to be with you. But we’re both so different and living two completely different lifestyles. You’re in the Mafia gang and while I’m just a teacher at a University. I don’t know if we’d be able to work out if our worlds would just collide…” He held both of my hands as he nodded, understanding the circumstances, “that might be true. We’re both so different but I just want you to think about it, I’ll gladly wait for your answer. Because I like you, Y/N.” Yoongi pecked my forehead as he went back to the living room, “well I’ll think about it, Yoongi.” I said, following him as I checked the time.

“Well it’s already 11:35 AM, I should get ready for work.” I put my black thick hair in a tight ponytail as I began applying some body lotion to my brown skin. I put on a simple grey blazer and a beige turtleneck underneath, some stockings, and a long white knee-length skirt. I walked out as Yoongi was reading the newspapers as he looked up for a second, admiring my outfit. “I was thinking we could go for some lunch near the campus?” I twirled my ponytail as I waited for his response. “Sure let’s do that, supermodel.” He coughed, trying to hide his smirk as he got up.

“I’m not a supermodel, idiot,” I said, pulling his sleeve. “Well I should head back to the mansion to change and see the others, a member is picking me up. Do you wanna tag along?” I rolled my eyes, “fine, who’s the member?” I asked, putting on my beige high heels. “It’s Park Jimin.” He chuckled, wearing his shoes. “Why did you ask? You’re not fond of him?” I shook my head as I walked out, holding the door. “It’s not that… I’m just not very fond of your flirty member Taehyung. I guess Jungkook or Jimin is alright.” We went down with the elevator as we walked up to the street to see the black Hyundai pulling up.

“Well if it isn’t Boss Suga and Ms. Y/N. How are you two?” Jimin said, opening the window as he waved. Yoongi sat next to him as I sat in the back seat, “It’s been alright, how have you been? Any news on how the meeting with the GOT7 went?” I asked as Yoongi scoffed, “well a certain someone was missing your presence.” Jimin said, smiling and he made a left turn.

“Mr. Wang was rather curious as to where you were yesterday.” Yoongi looked out the window as he ran his tongue at his teeth. “Really? I thought I wasn’t that memorable to the GOT7, I mean I’m not that terrific besides I had a work-related dinner with a new colleague of mine.” I answered as I kept looking at the mirror, hoping to get eye contact with Yoongi’s eyes. But his eyes were focusing on what was happening in the other lane. “Was it something important, if so I’d like to be informed about that Mr. Park Jimin.” He pulled up to the mansion, parking the car as Yoongi was texting someone.

“I’m sure Boss will keep you updated. After all, I wasn’t present either.” Jimin confessed, chuckling as he opened my door and I got out. “Y/N meet me in the office in 5 minutes, I’ll have to talk to someone real quick,” Yoongi said, walking inside as he went upstairs. “Yes, Sir Suga,” I said, entering and bowing as I caught Jimin having a rather mischievous smile on his face. “What’s with you and that smile, Park?” I asked, crossing my arms as I sat down on the couch.

“So I’m guessing Boss slept at your place, hmm? That’s why he’s more quiet than usual.” Taehyung went by as he grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator as he smirked, “oh so Boss slept in Kitten’s bed, huh?” I glared at him as I got up, keeping my hands on my hips. “If I hear another word from you Tae, I’ll seriously slap you.” Yoongi came downstairs, staring at TaeTae. “Y/N to the office. And Tae quit flirting with her or I’m throwing your newly ordered Gucci clothes out.” I nodded, heading upstairs as I cackled at his jaw drop by Yoongi’s threat.

“Well. Take a seat on the chair, Y/N.” He said, closing the door as I bowed my head, sitting down. “So it’s regarding the Blood Vessel Gang, I see…” I looked through the papers and the plan he came up with and I was rather fascinated. “So the GOT7 is going to act as a backup for the next mission, that’s a quite clever move,” Yoongi smirked, looking at me as I leaned in. “Is this a clever move too?” He asked, kissing me softly on the lips as I laughed a bit, cupping his cheeks. “Mmh, I don’t know. Why don’t you kiss me again?” I asked daringly as the door opened as I was playing with his tie.

It was Jungkook. “Hyung– I mean Boss. We got a confirmed deal with the GOT7 Gang, it’ll be on 13th May at midnight.” Yoongi’s Adam's apple bopped as he sighed, fixing his tie. “Got it. Thanks for the information, Jungkook.” He bowed, glancing at me as if I did something wrong. “See you around, Noona.” He closed the door as he left. “Well, so um on that mission what is my role exactly? Am I going to hack something or seduce again?” I asked crossing my legs as he looked and thought for a second. “I think we’ll need you to hack something. But I’ll send you the information later.”

< Previous chapter – Next chapter >

[welllpthisishappening]

Welllp These Are Books: the January 2021 Edition

Tumblr’s gif search leaves a lot to be desired, so there’s no actual gif of her slamming the book shut, which is—y’know, disappointing. Still, the continued ability of the public library system to send books to my Kindle ensures that I continue to read every romantic comedy and fantasy story I can find. Of which I have plenty of thoughts and opinions. But, like, what’s the point of having thoughts and opinions if you’re not putting them on the internet? There isn’t one, obviously. Books and links and feelings and more ridiculous headlines all under the cut. 

BEST BOOK AWARD WINNER OF A VERY WEIRD JANUARY THAT HELPED DISTRACT FROM A VERY WEIRD JANUARY

The Wrath & the Dawn by Renee Ahdieh Every dawn brings horror to a different family in a land ruled by a killer. Khalid, the eighteen-year-old Caliph of Khorasan, takes a new bride each night only to have her executed at sunrise. So it is a suspicious surprise when sixteen-year-old Shahrzad volunteers to marry Khalid. But she does so with a clever plan to stay alive and exact revenge on the Caliph for the murder of her best friend and countless other girls. Shazi’s wit and will, indeed, get her through to the dawn that no others have seen, but with a catch . . . she’s falling in love with the very boy who killed her dearest friend. She discovers that the murderous boy-king is not all that he seems and neither are the deaths of so many girls. Shazi is determined to uncover the reason for the murders and to break the cycle once and for all.

This was so good?!?! I finished the first book and them immediately started the sequel, like no break whatsoever?!! I wish they weren’t teenagers?!! But seriously I wish they hadn’t been teenagers. Like, I get it. It’s YA. That probably sells better, something about markets that I don’t understand. I don’t care. It was weird that they were teenagers. Also, some of the plot points just kind of...happened? And I’m not entirely sure they were ever resolved. (Although there are a bunch of short stories, so. Maybe I just haven’t gotten there yet.) Despite that, the writing was gorgeous, I remain as prone to swooning over sad boys patent pending as I was when I was sixteen and Shahrzad was a fantastic heroine. Nine out of ten (would have been ten if they weren’t teenagers) and have already put holds on other books Ahdieh has written. 

OBLIGATORY RAGE-INDUCING ROM-COM

Head Over Heads by  Hannah Orenstein The past seven years have been hard on Avery Abrams: After training her entire life to make the Olympic gymnastics team, a disastrous performance ended her athletic career for good. Her best friend and teammate, Jasmine, went on to become an Olympic champion, then committed the ultimate betrayal by marrying their emotionally abusive coach, Dimitri. Now, reeling from a breakup with her football star boyfriend, Avery returns to her Massachusetts hometown, where new coach Ryan asks her to help him train a promising young gymnast with Olympic aspirations. Despite her misgivings and worries about the memories it will evoke, Avery agrees. Back in the gym, she's surprised to find sparks flying with Ryan. But when a shocking scandal in the gymnastics world breaks, it has shattering effects not only for the sport but also for Avery and her old friend Jasmine.

I stopped reading it. Honestly. I got, like, 46% of the way through, kept complaining to Justin about how goddamn annoying Avery was and how no one had any personality and I wanted them all to fall off the beam and he was like—stop reading it, then? And I was like—I can do that? And then I did! Also, I understand it needed conflict, but the “shocking scandal” in the description is a sexual assault that was not only NOT my cup of tea, but felt like a massive attempt to be topical by using what happened at Michigan State without actually saying it was about Michigan state. 

PEOPLE WHO DON’T KNOW SPORTS WRITE SPORTS AND DO IT OK

Evvie Drake Starts Over by Linda Holmes In a sleepy seaside town in Maine, recently widowed Eveleth “Evvie” Drake rarely leaves her large, painfully empty house nearly a year after her husband’s death in a car crash. Everyone in town, even her best friend, Andy, thinks grief keeps her locked inside, and Evvie doesn’t correct them. Meanwhile, in New York City, Dean Tenney, former Major League pitcher and Andy’s childhood best friend, is wrestling with what miserable athletes living out their worst nightmares call the “yips”: he can’t throw straight anymore, and, even worse, he can’t figure out why. As the media storm heats up, an invitation from Andy to stay in Maine seems like the perfect chance to hit the reset button on Dean’s future. When he moves into an apartment at the back of Evvie’s house, the two make a deal: Dean won’t ask about Evvie’s late husband, and Evvie won’t ask about Dean’s baseball career. Rules, though, have a funny way of being broken—and what starts as an unexpected friendship soon turns into something more. To move forward, Evvie and Dean will have to reckon with their pasts—the friendships they’ve damaged, the secrets they’ve kept—but in life, as in baseball, there’s always a chance—up until the last out.

I am admittedly a sports snob. Writing about sports is my thing and I’m super particular about reading about it. But this sounded good and for the most part it was good. Emotional, too. Like, “jeepers, that was intense” kind of emotional. But also some of the things Dean talked about were just...not how sports work and that drives me nuts. Also another story that was, as mentioned, super emotional only to get tied up in this nice little bow. Which, cool, but also...not? Just felt rushed at the end. 

IN WHICH SHIPPING IS QUESTIONED AND I JUST LIKE BEN BARNES

Shadow and Bone by Leigh Bardugo Soldier. Summoner. Saint. Orphaned and expendable, Alina Starkov is a soldier who knows she may not survive her first trek across the Shadow Fold—a swath of unnatural darkness crawling with monsters. But when her regiment is attacked, Alina unleashes dormant magic not even she knew she possessed. Now Alina will enter a lavish world of royalty and intrigue as she trains with the Grisha, her country's magical military elite—and falls under the spell of their notorious leader, the Darkling. He believes Alina can summon a force capable of destroying the Shadow Fold and reuniting their war-ravaged country, but only if she can master her untamed gift.As the threat to the kingdom mounts and Alina unlocks the secrets of her past, she will make a dangerous discovery that could threaten all she loves and the very future of a nation. Welcome to Ravka . . . a world of science and superstition where nothing is what it seems.

I wanted to like this so much. So, so much. And sometimes I did. Sometimes I did not. At all. World building is my weakness and this has got it in spades, but the characters are kind of—boring? I couldn’t really bring myself to care about Alina and I wanted to kick Mal in the shins sometimes. The only interesting one was The Darkling who’s like the embodiment of all evil and I am not here to ship-shame anyone, but it’s kinda weird to ship him and Alina. I pictured Ben Barnes the entire time. I’m still excited for the show. I’ll read the sequel at some point, probably. 

BEING A JERK IS NOT ROMANCE, YOU’RE JUST A JERK

Would Like to Meet by Rachel Winters It's Evie Summers's job to find out. Because if she can't convince her film agency's biggest client, Ezra Chester, to write the romantic-comedy screenplay he owes producers, her career will be over. The catch? Arrogant Ezra thinks rom-coms are unrealistic—and he'll only put pen to paper if Evie proves to him that it's possible to meet a man in real life the way it happens on the big screen. Cynical Evie might not believe in happily ever after, but she'll do what it takes to save the job that's been her lifeline . . . even if it means reenacting iconic rom-com scenes in public. Spilling orange juice on a cute stranger? No problem. Leaving her number in books all over London to see who calls? Done. With a little help from her well-meaning friends and the adorable father-daughter duo who keep witnessing her humiliations, Evie is determined to show Ezra she can meet a man the way Sally met Harry. But can a workaholic who's given up on love find a meet-cute of her very own?

I love cliches. Love ‘em. Want to read about ‘em, want to write about ‘em. Here for happily ever after. Much less here for the overused and antiquated cliche of dude doesn’t believe in love like girl does, dude ridicules girl’s belief, dude was secretly in love with her the whole time. It’s super dumb. And we should stop writing it. Also really done with rom com girl can’t figure out her life! she’s overworked! she doesn’t have time for her friends! Super duper dumb. I don’t know guys, this book happened. 

FAST-PACED ROMANCE ISN’T AS WEIRD WHEN IT’S WELL WRITTEN AND THERE’S A MOOSE INVOLVED

The Tourist Attraction by Sarah Morgenthaler He had a strict "no tourists" policy...until she broke all of his rules. When Graham Barnett named his diner The Tourist Trap, he meant it as a joke. Now he's stuck slinging reindeer dogs to an endless parade of resort visitors who couldn't interest him less. Not even the sweet, enthusiastic tourist in the corner who blushes every time he looks her way...

Two weeks in Alaska isn't just the top item on Zoey Caldwell's bucket list. It's the whole bucket. One look at the mountain town of Moose Springs and she's smitten. But when an act of kindness brings Zoey into Graham's world, she may just find there's more to the grumpy local than meets the eye...and more to love in Moose Springs than just the Alaskan wilderness.

This story of Alaska marries together all the things you didn't realize you needed: a whirlwind vacation, a friendly moose, a grumpy diner owner, a quirky tourist, plenty of restaurant humor, and a happy ending that'll take you away from it all.

I’m not one for slow burn, but I also have a hard time believing romances that happen in, like, a blink. Not the case here! It was so goddamn cute! There was a moose! Graham kept calling Zoey darlin’ and it made my heart try to explode in my chest! Stars Hollow-levels of small town with lots of side characters and a good plot and a restaurant that everyone always went to! You guys know I’m trash for everyone always going to hang out in the same restaurant! I’m reading the sequel now, so that’s how much I enjoyed it. 

AMAZON BOOKS THAT CONTINUE TO BE WAY BETTER THAN THEY SHOULD BE

Elodie of the Sea by Shari L. Tapscott (part of the Eldentimber Series) Eight years have passed since the marriage tournament that decided the fate of Princess Pippa of Lauramore and strengthened alliances between the kingdoms of Elden. The competitors have moved on with their lives. Some have found adventure; some have found love. Prince Bran of Triblue, however, has put his life on hold, preparing for his father's crown. Two days before Bran's winter coronation, just when the prince cannot afford distractions, a girl washes onto the Triblue shore. She has no memory of her past life, no clue who she is or where she belongs—nothing but a ring on her finger and a peculiar marking on her cheek. And the newly crowned king has more than a mysterious girl to worry about. The sea has become unpredictable. Storms claim ships in the dead of night, and sailors return with horrifying stories of monsters from the deep. It soon becomes clear the girl and the bizarre events are connected. The girl came from the sea... and the sea wants her back. But Bran isn't willing to give her or his kingdom up without a fight, even if it means he must request help from every corner of Elden.

Listen, sometimes you have to read about a mermaid who lost her memory and the soon-to-be-king who’s, like, immediately in love with her. I mentioned Tapscott’s books in the 2020 post and the sentiment remains the same. You ever read a book that reads like fic? Lots of banter, some romance, steady pacing. That’s what her books are like. There are five in the Eldentimber series, all about a different princess in a different kingdom, but they all connect so characters pop up again and again and then they kiss. It’s real good. 

[ziracona]

so can u tell us a little about ur characterization of Lisa?? What's she like inside and outside of trials? Does she have a lot of lucidity, what were her relationships with others like, would she ever get better, do you think? ( im SAD.) Just. What's she like!! Also, same for Sally? Oh! And I'm rly enjoying two songs by Meg Myers which maybe you'll like? Running up that hill (Cover) and Desire. Maybe check em out? :3 - Sleepy

Sure!

My Lisa is from a bit before the archives for her placed her (early 1970s), because I wrote ILM back when there was no date given for many killers or survivors, so I just hoped they were historically accurate with the things they did mention & went through a fairly exhaustive list of drained swamps in the Southern US & paddleboat makes & placed her according to that data (it’s been a bit so I don’t remember the exact date without looking up my notes) in the 1920s-1930s, I believe? And in her early 20s, since she’s described as a girl & young woman, which DbD usually does only for characters in their early 20s. (Which I’d still assume is her age, bc even though her archives, if you go by them, have her in her teens, they’re not connected to the events of her disappearance/definitely happened before them.)

In trials, Lisa has like 0 lucidity. I talk about this some in chapter notes, so I’ll try to give a quick overview instead but sry if I restart myself. She’s so starved that any time she sees a living being, she is just completely overcome with hunger and can’t do anything but operate on it. Very scary. Feral. Like being attacked by a starving animal. She’s super out of it, and is completely wild and violent and has no control, only the need to eat. Outside of trials, if no one is around, she’s lucid again, but will remember trials and what she did to people, and spends that time in horror and despair. She’s tried to kill herself before, because the last thing she ever wanted was to become the thing she swore vengeance on (the Entity’s a real cruel motherfucker. Did the same to Rin, to Philip, to everyone it could. Likes to really twist decent people into what they would most despair to be), but in the realm, she’s stuck as it. She’s not really aware for trials, but remembers them with decent clarity, and is in constant agony over what she’s done. Unfortunately, suicide does not take in the realm, and every one of her attempts failed, just like her attempts to maim or tie herself up so she wouldn’t be able to hurt people did. She’s horribly alone and despairing, and also in physical agony. She’s at the worst end of what a human can be at as far as emaciation and starvation while still being alive goes, and that’s physically awful. It fucks up your brain chemistry too, and everything is just really fucking miserable all the time. It hurts to move, it hurts to breathe, your breath smells tastes like rotten fruit but in a way that’s so much worth than that can sound. She’s so hungry, her addons are things like dragonfly wings consumed to give her extra stamina. That’s the kind of bare sliver of relief she ever gets. God, poor Lisa’s life is hell. She’s completely heartbroken and isolated and almost dead. As far as relationships go, she didn’t have any for a long time. No one can really interact with her, because she goes feral at the sight of food. She’s kinda utterly alone. But briefly, when Alex, Philip, Vigo, Benedict, and Sally were a group, she kind of got stumbled into, and after a kind of nasty first encounter, was able to regain lucidity around other people, and had a truly sweet and memorable and invaluable bit of time with love and friends and other people. She was kind of in love with Sally, who did her hair for her and was really kind to her, and Sally liked her too. They were close. Lisa was close with all of them. But when things ended the way they did, the Entity took that away. Lisa remembers it, but she could never get them or it back, and was cast aside and left behind until the end of ILM, when she finally got peace and found happiness in finally getting to be at rest in the arms of a friend. Overal, she’s a fairly young and wide-eyed, bright, cautious, fun and sweet girl by nature, now massively traumatized and hopeless and broken, but still with a truly incredible amount of that kind nature retained. She would have really loved reading fantasy novels aloud and exploring the worlds of lore and history, travelling, seeing other cultures and geographic features and animals. Enjoys fashion too, and has a heart for designing and making cool, personal and cultural and symbolic tied designs, and would have been both great at that and loved it if she’d lived long enough. (Shoutout to @artianaiolanthe who inspired the fashion take & it is so suited to her I love it). A little shy, but an extrovert at heart under it, just a nervous one. Loved people. Liked climbing trees and fording brooks and baking bread and throwing rocks and baseballs to knock a target out of a tree and win a prize at little town fairs. Didn’t get the length or quality of life she was owed, and it’s just not fair or okay at all. Liked to watch the stars.

As far as getting better goes, mentally, totally. If they could get her out of the realm or break the Entity’s connection, she’d immediately stop killing. She has never done it of her own free will. She’s a sweet small town kid who was just trying to live her life. As far as physically goes though, Lisa is in one of the worst possible spots. Unlike say Amanda, who was on death’s door but healed by the Entity, or the Legion, who weren’t injured at all, Lisa was on death’s door and like Adiris, did not get healed. Just preserved in that near-death state and forced to work in it. Honestly, it’s possible she could survive long enough to get to a hospital and be saved, but at best, she’d probably live another year. When you starve, your body begins to catabolize/eat your own tissue to save itself, starting with fat, and ending with muscles and organs, which, when it reaches the heart, kills you. Lisa was so close to dead, the organ damage was probably awful, and would leave her with complications that would take her very young. The most likely thing, since she was saved literally seconds before death, would be for her to step outside the realm and immediately die. However, it’s possible she got lucky on body damage and could be saved—kinda up to interpretation—and if say, she was around for Quentin’s Vigil going healing batshit, and got some organs repaired that way, she’d have a real shot. (I also am sad. Lisa was actually the only determinate character in ILM to me/that I wasn’t sure the ending for, and while I am very happy with what ended up being her closure, I also would like to see her live for even more love and peace TuT. Lol, if I ever end up doing my goddamn four fate route fics like I’ve joked now a truly dangerous number of times about doing [>.> me @ me] then maybe she will get a variety of lives in the end). I’m glad you wanted to know! I really like and pity her. This poor kid really did nothing wrong, much like Rin, and just got eternally tortured for asking for help and justice against the monsters who took her life so violently. Fuck Brittany. (Read: the Entity.)

Ahhhh Sally. My sweet, sweet girl. Uhhh, not sure which of the Lisa questions you meant for her too, so I’ll try to speed-answer them all? Sally’s intelligent and understanding and thoughtful, patient, polite, almost elegant despite how impoverished she spent most of her life—she just tries to act like a lady and treat people with as much respect and esteem as she can (unless they suck lol). She’s also very mentally damaged and not there though, and has extremely unstable mood swings, especially into despair. Her relationships with the other killers were limited. She talked to & was on polite terms with any who would talk to her and not be condescending or a dick so openly she’d pick up on it (so like, on cordial terms with Evan, Herman, Caleb if she’d been there that long, but not like, Kenneth or Freddy or someone who wouldn’t bother to put up an act). But mostly, after figuring out she wasn’t really of any use to them, they quit communicating with her. Sally has been extremely isolated since shortly after being taken. She believes that the survivors are innocent and suffering and knows that they don’t deserve the hunt, but has no way to stop the whole system, and has been convinced by the Entity that if she does a good job and earns moris, the ones she strangles to death get to stay dead instead of coming back after death to suffer endlessly again, so she works very dedicatedly and slowly trying to earn kills to save them. It took her physical eyes when it got her and lets her see through it’s powers, and uses that to randomize what survivors look like in her memory so she doesn’t catch wise it’s the same people over and over and she’s not saving them at all. It’s extremely tragic. God it’s one of the most cruel Entity tricks, which is saying a lot. Poor gentle woman is Sisyphus pushing a boulder up a hill day after day year after year and she doesn’t even know how hopeless and meaningless it all is. : (

When the Vigo-Philip-Alex-Benedict team was going, though, she met and attacked, then was convinced to instead befriend them, and quickly became very attached and well liked by them. Met Lisa while with the group, and became extremely fond of her and loving towards her and was truly, truly happy for a brief period of time. Still remembers her, even as lost as all her memories are. Not her name, but what she looked like to Sally, and how her hair felt, and how nice it was. Sally would have considered everyone in that group a dear friend, and in ILM, Philip most definitely becomes her deepest, closest, and best friend, just like she does to him. She’s a very faithful woman to her soul. Loved her family, loved her husband and mourned him, worked as hard as she could. Cared for her patients, and did her best in that hell until the Entity slowly whittled away at her sanity until it broke her mind and left her convinced the only way to end their pain would be to give them death, and she had to do it to save them. Sally loves little pretty things and neatness and collections. Flowers, bows and ribbons, china and colored glass. She would have treasured gifts like decorative holiday cards and carved animal figures and left them on her mantle or carefully tucked in lovingly organized and decorated books she could open to revisit the memory. Likes dresses and skirts and the way the wind feels. Hopeful and very enduring. Loving. Had a mom heart, and will never really get entirely over the loss of her children, but is strong and kind and will find new love that makes life still worth living in other people. Will remember both kindness and cruelty a long, long time. Loved Quentin from the second he gave her flowers (Dwight: Quentin, why did the entity let you have three moms? Quentin: Because I fucking earned it >:[“ [author’s note: he did. God that poor kid...]). Loved Kate from the day she sat with her in a hospital and held her hand. Is like that. Remembers small kindness and treasures them.

Sally could definitely recover. Not all the way probably, physically or mentally, but by far enough to be complete and happy and realized and who she wants. She never meant to hurt people, so she really just needs some stability, and I think she finds that with her new family. I mean, it is a lot to adjust to. It’s been like nearly 100 years. The Entiry broke her mind, and she’s got some damage that just probably can’t ever be fixed, but a lot can be, with drugs and treatments and therapy and kindness and a good support system, and honestly, the biggest things she needs are people to keep her memories together and herself present, and influences to protect her from being manipulated and controlled now that she’s so suggestible and easy to hurt, and she’s got that. I am 100% certain that while some things—the scatteredness, the ease of slipping into other moods especially deep sadness, the different way of thinking altogether—never leave her, she gets better in the most important ways and is truly happy and quite functional and what she wants to be. While there’s no way (yet anyway lol. Cybernetics that good when?) to give her new eyes since the Entity ripped hers out, and she’s blind now, and can’t be changed, her seeing eye dog does a great job for her, and she’s very happy and adjusts well. She has a lot of friends to be her eyes, and learns to lean into what she can do and has a quite fulfilling and blissful life outside the realm in ILM.

Also: thanks for the recs! I’m going on a run soon, and I’ll add those to my iPod and give ‘em a listen if I can. Hope this answered what you wanted to know! ^u^

[seriouslyblacklikemysoul]

Someone to Stay - Sirius Black x Reader

I have been away... All I ask is your forgiveness and I cannot tell you how much I love you all. This is not a request. It just came to me... in a dream, really. It’s a tad sad and not exactly like my previous works but we are all growing up... This felt like a more personal experience and so... you will be the judges. Around 2k words. So, thank you for never losing your faith in me. Take care.  MASTERLIST

"I want a real love. The kind of love where you ring me just because you miss my voice, where I get to hold your hand when we are walking down the street, just to show everyone that you’re mine, where I can hold you so tight at night that I can feel your heartbeat. I want the cliché kisses at the top of mountains, at red lights, but also the sleepy morning kisses when we both have bad breath. I want to explore the world with you by my side, but I also want to make grocery trips so fun that we forget the one thing we came for. I want to pick flowers for you, sing with you and share my food with you after you said you weren’t hungry. I would like to take you home to meet my family if I had one - I want to become a part of yours. I want to know the person you are with your friends, the person you used to be and the one you want to become. I want to sit down with you so we can work our problems out because we know we have something that is too good to lose. I want to know what you want your life to look like in ten or twenty years. I want to support you and grow with you so that we can build that future together. I want a real love, Sirius... This... this is not. God, it's not healthy. It's poison, Sirius". He did not dare to look at her, for she was right. He did love her, he did. The problem was that he was never taught how to love -he had never seen it, felt it or witnessed it. Everything hurt and felt black, oh, what an irony. She let a breath out, hid her face in her hands, tangled her fingers in her hair and looked at him. "And yet somehow, every time you kiss me I feel like it's the only time I am actually breathing... I have never known home, and with you... Goddamn it, Siri. You are my home, have been. Will be. Help me, please" she mouthed, frightened to her very core that she would lose him. 

Being with Sirius was easy, difficult, beautifully tragic and catastrophically perfect - and she knew it. What they had... it didn't feel like they were lovers, more like soulmates. And it was magical. Ever since their worlds had collided, it was painfully obvious to everybody that they would not, could not be friends. Something in their eyes made even the coldest of heart believe again. It was strange the way he loved her; a sidelong and almost casual love, as if loving her was simply a matter of course, too natural to mention and at the same time it suffocated her making her believe that she was the problem. A problem to what? It felt like a drug, once she tried it, she always craved more while being fully aware of its consequences. It was a race she could not win.She loved him. But he didn’t know how to love. He could talk about love. He could see love and feel love. But he couldn’t give love. He could make love. But he couldn’t make promises. She had desperately wanted his promises. She wanted his heart, knew she couldn’t have it so she took what she could get. Temporary bliss. Passionate highs and lows. Withdrawal and manipulation. He only stayed long enough to take what he needed and keep moving. If he stopped moving, he would self-destruct. If he stopped wandering, he would have to face himself. He chose to stay in the dark where he couldn’t see. If he exposed himself and the sun came out, he’d see his shadow. He was deathly afraid of his shadow. She saw his shadow, loved it, understood it. Saw potential in it. She thought her love would change him. He pushed and he pulled, tested boundaries, thinking she would never leave. He knew he was hurting her, but didn’t know how to share anything but pain. He was only comfortable in chaos. Claiming souls before they could claim him. Her love, her body, she had given to him and he’d taken with such feigned sincerity, absorbing every drop of her. His dark heart concealed. She’d let him enter her spirit and stroke her soul where everything is love and sensation and surrender. Wide open, exposed to deception. It had never occurred to her that this desire was not love. It was blinding the way she wanted him. She couldn’t see what was really happening, only what she wanted to happen. She suspected that he would always seek to minimize the risk of being split open, his secrets revealed. He valued his soul's privacy far more than he valued the intimacy of sincere connection so he kept his distance at any and all costs. Intimacy would lead to his undoing—in his mind, an irrational and indulgent mistake. When she discovered his indiscretions, she threw love in his face and beat him with it. Somewhere deep down, in her labyrinth, her intricacy, the darkest part of her soul, she relished the mayhem. She felt a sense of privilege for having such passion in her life. He stirred her core. The place she dared not enter. The place she could not stir for herself. But something wasn’t right. His eyes were cold and dark. His energy, unaffected. He laughed at her and her antics told her she was a mess. Frantic, she looked for love hiding in his eyes, in his face, in his stance, and she found nothing but disdain. And her heart stopped. "It was never meant for us, was it?" she softly said. He moved fast and cupped her cheeks just to kiss her like he never did before.  "I am sorry. I don't think I know how to love. My broken family never taught me" he whispered against her lips. She had thought that her heart had stopped, but she was wrong. It just did.  "There is no such thing as a “broken family.” Family is family, and is not determined by marriage certificates, divorce papers, and adoption documents. Families are made in the heart. The only time family becomes null is when those ties in the heart are cut. If you cut those ties, those people are not your family. If you make those ties, those people are your family. And if you hate those ties, those people will still be your family because whatever you hate will always be with you. Maybe it's not the Blacks, maybe it's the Potters. But that is not an excuse, Sirius. I am sorry". "There is something between us. Always will be. You can't deny that" he said as he saw that she was finally letting go, slipping away from him.  "And I won't. However, I am slowly learning that some people are not good for me, no matter how much I love them. I deserve someone who is gentle and kind, because my soul is getting tired. Realizing that I deserve something good is one of the first steps. I love you Sirius. Like the moon loves the sun, but honey, just like those two, we can and will not be together. Loving you was a privilege. Take care, Siri. Live a worthy life. I will miss you. Deeply".  The single greatest thing about love, in their experience, was the way it was doomed to pain and loss from its onset. There was no escaping that most solemn of inevitabilities. That two people could commit themselves to all this sadness and heartache in the name of such brief happiness, the warm touch of familiar skin, the unrivalled pleasantness in waking up beside the same person she spent the entire night with in her dreams, was all the proof she needed that insanity existed, and it was fucking beautiful. She hadn't realized that James had crept in to her room nor that he had shut down next to her, having the familiar knowing face, until he said things, she never expected him to say. "Just because someone hurts you doesn’t mean you can simply stop loving them. It’s not a person’s actions that hurt the most. It’s the love. If there was no love attached to the action, the pain would be a little easier to bear. People aren’t always what you want them to be. Sometimes they disappoint you or let you down, but you have to give them a chance first. You can’t just meet someone and expect them to be everything you’re looking for and then be angry when they’re not every hope and aspiration you projected onto them. It’s foolish to believe that someone will be what you imagine them to be. And sometimes, when you give them a chance, they turn out to be better than you imagined. Different, but better". She didn't pay attention to him after that, nor the fact that her heart was aching for him. She tried to understand everything... Tried to understand why was love grabbing blindly at a pit full of snakes and waited to feel the only heel among the rows of all the venomous teeth... 

"You could rattle the stars,“ she whispered. “You could do anything, if only you dared. And deep down, you know it, too. That’s what scares you most... I love you and always will. I will never un-love you. And I will always be here for you, my dark star” she whispered. He felt tears in his eyes... trying to escape.

It felt bittersweet... It was a perfect Christmas Eve, snowflakes landing on his black hair, silver like his eyes. The school felt more home than it ever did before. And yet in the middle of all the carol-singing, the trees and the fire burning bright back at Gryffindor’s common room, she felt as cold as the fragile windows of Ravenclaw’s Tower. For all her cleverness and all his boldness, they both felt utterly weak. It wasn’t healthy, they knew that... going back and forth, wasn’t great either.  She took in the beauty surrounding them. How marvelous the Castle looked, how soft and tender was the wind, how breathtaking he was. And made the most difficult decision of her life, so far.  “I am never going to leave you. I will always be here whenever you need me. And I will wait for you to love yourself, so I can love you too, without making us feel like we are swallowing broken glass. I will wait. As long as it takes”, she said a bit more sure than she would ever be, and tiptoed to kiss him as gentle as a feather. 

@kapolisradomthoughts @nadinissavage @geeksareunique  @fandom-rpblog @evyiione

[ain-t-bovvered]

14x13 (300th) Commentary

Special episode where a bunch of tired and caffeinated Europeans ( plus a sleepy American) scream together, and then die and try to get on with their day ( lol AS IF)

Hello and welcome:

@purpleskiesandcherrypies  (Nat)

@dean-winchesters-bacon  (Kat)

@waywardbaby  (Zee)

@ain-t-bovvered  (Giu)

1 2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  11  12

“Dad’s on a hunting trip- 

[shuts laptop]

Giu: It’s already a no from me

uuugh ok [opens laptop]

“-and he hasn’t been home in a few days “

Zee: That’s when I fell in love

Kat : I fell in love at “easy tiger”

Nat: He looks like a demon

Giu: he does

sign under the register: your baby daddy sitting in jail? Sell your gold and get bail. 

wow.

S: we are looking for the good stuff.

me searching for men

Kat : I need that wad of money, And the man attached to it

Giu: SAM

Zee : So done

Nat: Dean's done

Kat : That was so Jared lol

D.”No you didn’t”

Kat: Oh shit Dean. All sexy business

Giu: They not happy

Kat : FIRE

Giu: NOT THE HAIR NOT THE HAIR

[pauses video] TUMMY! [presses play again]

Giu: HE’S A BIG BOY

Zee : Turn his back to dean?

Nat&Kat: They always talk too much

Nat: he stole my line

Nat: PLAGIARISM

Nat: don't put that in

Giu: I’m gonna put that in

Nat: no

The smoke coming out the gun tho. I love that gun.

Zee : Put that down dean

Giu: Dean don’t touch things

In what goddamn dystopian fantasy a theater in 2019 show Beetlejuice? because I wanna live there.

Giu: I want that jacket. Doesn’t it look like the family business jacket?

Zee : I want that car,with everything in it

Giu: ...AND ON IT

Nat: I want that man

Giu: lol it’s like the Winchesters are some sort of the mean girls of town. 

The Campbell brothers are scary. They have two shotguns and a strange silver blade. 

I hear the tall one hair's insured for $. 

I hear the other one has a tinder account. His favorite music can be heard from miles before coming into town.

One time, they met god. And he stayed at their house. One time, they killed Hitler. It was awesome.

Kat : I WANT THE MEN

-” The Campbell brothers “  [sobs]

D:”Make it double”

Oh look the Family Business stuff again

S:” John Wayne Gacy cigar box” 

uh that’s not good. 

“Jack and Cass are out with Jules and her crew. When they’re back they can help us cataloging “ [already excited] 

D:” aWeSoME”

- “Where did they even came from? them or their weird sidekick with the trench coat” 

I love how before the boy Eliot talked about hearing stuff from the trunk of the car and I did not even bat an eye, because.....yeah...probably happened more than once.

Giu&Kat: Dumb bambi look

- Max:” It doesn’t mean they kidnapped bigfoot or whatever “

that could have happened too .

How did I miss all this gay vibes between the girls before?

Giu: anyway that is unrealistic, those girls would be drooling after those two.

Nat: Nah, they're too old for them

me at myself editing the commentary: they lesbian, bitch .

Nat: Max is trouble, isn't she

Kat: Don’t touch my baby’s car teen bitch

Zee : Why is sam so hot here?

Nat: BABY

- D;” No,no, no, no”

Zee : Oh the bitch did

Giu: THEY DED

Giu: DON T MOVE YESSIR

-S *thinks of the kids*

D: “Swear to God if anything happens to that car-” *thinks murder*

Giu: Meanwhile dean is having panic attacks

Nat&Giu&Kat: I don't wanna die. lol

Giu: TRIPLE PLAGIARISM

Kat: Stop Omg

Nat: We should stop

Zee : Look at those puppy eyes

- “So you want me to give you an underage girl’s address?” 

Nat: hahahahahahhahahahahaha i like that woman

D:”Marta, how’s that grandson of yours?”

“if you could help us out I would, I would really appreciate it”

“Please”

Zee : I’d melt

Kat: THAT TAP

Nat: I mean...helloooooo

Giu: There goes her values

Nat: I would tell him everything and more

Zee : Giuls the hand gif. Please and thank you

- you want my address too?

Kat: He’s putting the moves

Kat: Their lips are extra pink

-Yeah but like...I would have melt with Sam too honestly.

SKIP DAY!  aaaah the memories, we had skip days once a month.

Giu: OH NO

Zee : They dumb

Giu: i wouldn’t touch that creepy fuck teddy bears

Giu: can I slap some sense in those bitches

Giu: GACY FUCK NO

Nat: Baby, please tell me you're not hurt

Kat: BABY BABY

D: “ FBI everybody out” 

me : ....arrest me.

Giu: Sam: no fuck clown

Kat: Serial killer clown

Nat: Sammy, I think you need to get away

Kat: Best and worst thing ever

- D:” ‘Cause you love serial killers but you hate clowns” 

eh same .

Zee : look how happy he is

D:” Sam....today”

Kat: HURRRY UP SAMMEH

D: “....Hey! “

Nat: Dean Bean

Kat: Adorable bean

Zee: We’re damn good at why we do

Nat: They're going all dad on them

Kat: It’s hot

- S:” You sure don’t wanna call Mom here? or Cass?”

 D:” No because if it works , great, if not, why get their hopes up?”

Zee : Hello

Nat: JOHN

Kat: SHIT SHIT. SHIT Kicking their asses lol

Giu: My eyes are sweating

Nat: I got Negan vibes lol

? : “Don’t you move” 

[chills]

Zee : That’s another Daddy

Giu: HE LOOKS GOOD

J: “What in the hell”

J: “Sammy, aren’t you supposed to be in Palo Alto?”

Nat: Palo Alto. Oh god.

Giu: Good god [sobs]

J: “What happened to you?”  when did you stretch like that

Nat: It's 2003

Kat: It’s very difficult

J:”You saved the world?”

Zee : More than once

Giu: We died....more than once

Zee : Look at that precious face

D:”I think he’d be real happy to know you are finally here”

- Glad they mentioned Henry, I miss him.

S:” We are legacies because of you”

J.” I just wish that I had been there to see it”

Nat: Awww the look on Sammy

Nat: It fucking breaks my heart alright

D:”Non of this would have happened without you”

J:” It’s good, it’s fine. I went out taking out yellow eyes. That was the point. Get the thing that killed Mom”

Giu: im not ready for what.’s coming

Zee : Me neither

Kat: So much sobbing

Nat: What are you talking about. I'm not ready for the whole damn episode

Giu: STOP WITH THE MUSIC

Zee : Brace yourselves

- J [desperately softly]:” ...Mary?”

Giu: OH NO FUCKING JDM

Nat: Oh god NO

Zee : Oh fuck you

Giu: FUCK MY LIFE. FREAKING ACTING SKILLS.

Nat: FUCK OFF

Zee : IM SCREAMING HERE

Nat: THE BOYS...lol

D:” I’m freaking out”

No Dean, I’m freaking out. And I already know, looking at Sam face, what’s coming.

Nat: "I wanted this man"

D:” I wanted this since I was 4 years old”

I CAN T

Zee: One family dinner

Nat: NO DEAN BEAN PLEASE Sammy is right

Kat: He is but it hurts. So much

Nat: TAKE A KNIFE AND STAB ME

oH....Sammy and Daddy time. Can I skip?

Look at John fucking face!! he’s already so proud.

S:” Dean and I tried to make that once” [nervous laughter]

[John’s face falls] 

Zee : Here come regrets

J:”i...I remember “

Sam’s like...”you do?”

J: “ I screwed up with you a lot, didn’t I?”

The noise and expression and breathing Jared choose to made here is worth more than any words

Nat: GOD, SAM YOU PRECIOUS BEAN

S:” no, that’s okay”

J:”No, it’s not”

[me bathing into the holy light of jesus] yeeeees thank you 

Sam looks so uncomfortable.

J: “You didn’t have a problem talking about it before you left” 

ooooh John is trying so hard tho.

S: “..Dad...” [pauses like he can’t believe he can say that again]

me hitting myself : stop doing this to yourself bitch.

S: “ yeah...you know what? you did some messed up things”

S: “When I think about you....and I think about you a lot..[voice cracks]”

S:”I think about you on the floor of that hospital. And I think about how I never got to say goodbye”

Giu: fuck NOPE I’M OUT

Kat: *drags you back*

Giu: *fights it*

Zee: I’ll tie you down bitch just watch

Kat: I can’t i can’t I can’t

Giu: JARED STOP

Nat: FUCK JARED WHY ARE YOU SO GOOD

Nat: JARED STAHP

Kat: JARED IS INCREDIBLE

J: “Sam....[touches him]”

S: [gets almost scared when John touches him]

and now a change of camera so you can see more hurt

Nat: FUCK THIS I'M GOING OUT WITH YOU GIULS

Kat: I’ll tie you down

Zee: Can this fucking music just stop

Giu: CAN SOMEONE JUST GIVE ME MERCY? it’s 8:40am it’s too early for this

Kat: FUCK YOU JARED PADALECKI

Giu: STOP CRYIG

Giu: ahahahaahahhahahahaahah imma have a heart attack

Nat: SHIT NO FUCK THIS

Giu: Im forgetting english and spelling

J: “Son...I am so sorry”

Zee: That’s enough

Nat: YOU FOUGHT FOR US THAT'S ENOUGH

Giu: CLOSURE

Nat: what's english i'll start to groan in german soon

Zee: I’ll swear in Greek

Giu: I’m already gesturing in italian anyway

S:”Want some company?”

Nat: I get the booze you get the food, I want that bumper sticker

Nat: Why doesn't he remember?What the fuck is happening

Giu: The surnaaaame

Kat: YOU’LL SEE THE SHIT IT HAPPENING

Giu: THE FUCK

Zee : Blue steel

Nat: BWAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Giu: WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT

Never forget

Nat: WANNA BE TED TALK

Nat: PROFESSOR JARED

Giu: GOD BLESS KALE (Misha wrote that)

Kat: THE TURTLENECK

hot take: that’s Misha’s turtle neck

Nat: THE GLASSES

D:”No, no , it gets worse”

TEDTalk!Sam is an empty shell. I hate it.

Kat: THE SLICKED BACK HAIR

Giu: Lotta beheadings

Zee : Can Jared stop being hotter in this ep?

D:”Well, I’m cool but you are  ugh”

Giu: I saw enough doctor who to know what is Sam talking about.

S:” If all is different, then what else changed”

Giu: OH.

Zee : Oh no

Nat: Zach is also ugh

Giu: NO GO AWAY

Giu: HEY BABE

- GUESS WHO NEVER FOUGHT IN HELL AND RAISED SOME SALTY ASS FROM PERDITION???

Z:”Earth ...where you are always stepping in something”

I mean, he’s not wrong

Zee: Constantine

Nat&Zee: I don't understand that reference

Giu: SDEFAFANSBAKWBLENDP

Zee : Control yourself woman

D:”How are we gonna tell Dad?”

S: “How are we gonna tell Mom”

Nat: Why are the teens everywhere are they running out of extras? I can be an extra.... for love scenes

Zee : I can be a fly in the wall

Z:”I need to know who’s been messing with time?” like...I mess with time, that’s my thing, who’s stealing my job

Giu: SQUINTY BOY

Z:”This town is always been a little muddy for us”

Z:” he...murders you all”

Kat: Ugh I want to stab Zach in the face

oh jfc Cass is a fucking murder machine,kinda like the apocalypse world NO 

Nat: Zach, just shut the fuck up, will ya

Zee: I’m an angel of the lord AAAAAAHHHHHH

Zee : GIULS IM DEAD

Giu: IS IT BAD THAT IM AROUSED

Kat: WINGS

Giu: FUCK

Zee: THE ONLY LOGICAL OUTCOME.  Babe how dare you ?

D:”Cass? “

C: who’s this bright soul , oh no he’s hot.

D:”Cass, you know us”

C: I WISH.

C: “I don’t know you”

Kat: I DONT KNOW YOU

Nat: Ow...a stab in the heart

Giu: NO

Kat : Breaking my heart

- Oh look you can pin point the exact moment HIS heart breaks.

D:” Cass, don’t”

Giu: LAGO DI GARDA!!

Nat: THE GARDA LAKE? IS THAT AN EXPRESSION?

Giu: No , it’s where i live.

- The satisfaction of seeing Sam kill Zach. Sam enjoying it.

Kat: YAS SAMMEH

Nat: Cas, come on!

- I love that Sam is holding the blade to cut and not stab.

ok ok...honestly I’m enjoying this ok? in the sense that I missed seeing Castiel so strong and powerful , and this is as it should be. He’s an angel , a soldier, with eons of wars behind, he was a captain ffs, the Winchester, they can be as strong as you want but they are human. Even Zach was stronger than them, he was just stupid to fall for Sam trick.

Giu: PLEASE DON’T KILL THEM

Giu: please don’t kill Cass, please don’t kill Cass.

Kat: Dudes the bloopers from this scene will be epic

Nat: I SWEAR IF THEY DON'T SHOW IT

Giu: IM HAVING A HEART ATTACK

D:”Cass, Cass, stop it”

....bitch HE HESITATED , Cass hesitated , he just kept Dean there when he could have just snaps his neck with a bit of pressure.

Zee : Sammy to the rescue

Giu: OH THANK GOD

Us: We want Bamf Castiel back!

Writers: OK

Us: NOT LIKE THIS

Zee: Who needs a heart?

oh look, those plates have the same decorations as the cups we saw in older eps. WHY DO I KNOW THAT. 

D:”Egghead”

Nat: me vs. your mom that's not even a choice

Giu: JOHN

Zee : Mary is showing emotion

Nat: I know who i would chose

yeah ok...I would choose this John tho, not the one we started in 2005 .

Zee : Me too

Kat: I almost don’t hate her. She’s hurting so bad. But everything else would be fucked

M:” Sam I can’t”

me too Mary, me too.

Nat: that's the thing. she's hurting more about her husband than her boys

Kat: I said almost

-J:” I never meant for this”

Kat: No son

J: “My fight. It was supposed to end with me. With Yellow eyes”

Giu: AGAIN

J:” But now you- you are a grown man and I’m incredibly proud of you”

Zee : Look how proud

Nat&Giu: JOHN, STAY

Kat: He’s waited so long to hear hat

Nat: LET SAM BE INTERNET FAMOUS

J:” I guess that I hoped, eventually,you would...get yourself a normal life, a peaceful life, a family.”

Zee&Giu : I have a family

Nat&Kat: WE EAT

Nat: A man after my taste

Giu: AND MY POOR HEART

Zee : Too much silence

Kat: #awkward

Nat: #sad

Giu: #The last supper

Zee : Stahp

Kat: SHUT UP BITCH

J:” We can be grateful for this time we have together.”

Kat:  #AMEN

Nat: sounds like AYE MEN

Giu: ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT

Kat: Fucking Bob Seger

Giu: THEY DESERVE ALL OF THIS,ALL OF IT . MY BABIES

Kat: I WANNA KNOW THE CONVO

Nat: #DOMESTIC LIFE

S: “It doesn’t feel right to have all of this and have to throw it away and I know we have to.” S:” He just goes back to...to..being Dad”

-Oh honey 

Giu: Sam is panicking

Nat: Who would save the world tho

S:” I think it would be nice”

D:” yeah? I used to think that too.”

D:”For the longest time I blamed Dad. I mean I blamed Mom too,you know. I was angry”

D: “Why don’t send him further back , and let some other poor sons of bitches save the world?

oh...OH Dean is woke

D:” But there’s the problem. Who does that makes us? Would we be better off? Maybe. But I’ve got to be honest. I don’t know who that Dean Winchester is.”

D:”I’m good with who I am,and I’m good with who you are”

Zee : Does anybody else experiencing chest pain??

Nat: What's a chest. I can't feel anything below my mouth

Giu: what s a mouth

Kat: #too old for this shit

D:”Cause our life, they are ours”

Kat: BAWLING

Kat: THIS FUCKING MUSIC

M: “I hate this”

Giu: WE HATE THIS

Zee&Kat: My girl

-NOOOOOO

J:”I miss you so damn much”

Nat: #make it stop

Nat: fuck this

Kat: NONONONONONONONONONONO I

Giu: STOP IT STOOOOP

Nat: JARED CONTROL YOUR FACE

Kat: THEY BOTH NEED TO

Zee : Fuck this flips table

-What a soft hug omg I can’t. Why is John so soft , whyyyyyy.

Giu: I WANNA DIE

Nat: FUCK THIS

-Dean’s eyes are dead , he’s trying to be emotionless and I can’t deal with it.

Also Sam keeps throwing glances at Dean and it breaks me.

John looking at his sons is PAAAAIN.

J:” You two. You take care of each other”

S: “We always do”

Can I say that I expected some “Yes Sir” here and there and I’m so glad that there were none? Like...yes they grow up and they are their own men and I’m so damn glad. I would have hated if I heard them saying that.

Kat: GOOD TO SEE YOU DAD

Dean said that so softly I can’t

Nat: OMG

Giu: JARED FUCK

Zee : I’m gonna faint

Nat&Kat: I AM SO PROUD OF YOU BOYS

Giu: JDM FUCK U TOO

Nat: FUCK YOU ALL OF YOU

This ....Jared you fucking broke me here, you just ...can’t go and act like this and expect me to still be breathing .

Giu: JAY DON’T

Goddammit Dean still looks like he doesn’t wan’t to break but ...I can see it, your lips are shaking damn you Jensen.

Oh no here comes the hug of pain.

J:”I love you both so much”

why is Sam crying so much this season , JARED !

-oH NO DEAN SAID IT....DEAN SAID I LOVE YOU , I CAN’T , 911 HELP I CAN’T BREATHE

Nat: HEY, FUCK THIS SHIT I'M GONE

I’m so sick of seeing tears ok? And seeing John so emotional??? NAAAAAH FUCK THAT, I saw those tears falling . FUCK U

NOT THE WINK 

Zee : Can they all fuck the fuck off???

J:”Sammy...”

Kat: JENSEN FUCK YOU JARED FUCK YOU JDM FUCK YOU

Nat: TAKE MARY WITH YOU

Giu: dean your face

Kat: JENSEN BROKE ME

Dean looked like a little scared kid there and he just broke me once again.

Nat: THIS IS NOT RIGHT AND THEY KNOW IT THE WRITERS KNOW IT  I HATE THIS SO MUCH

Kat: Yeah but that one look. Fuck

ok Now....I wanted to make this gif so badly because it haunted me. This....This is when Sam break the pearl. The sound looks like it hit Dean like a bullet or something and I just ....look at him it looks like he wants to scream, his lips seems like they are spelling a soundless ‘NO’ or he just let go, because he wasn’t breathing until the sound ....I need a minute, I’m gonna throw up my breakfast. 

Bye John , I’ll miss you fiercely

aaaaand Dean looks like he’s dead again.

Nat: HEY GIULS Lebanon walk.

Nat I’m dead what do you want me to do? Call me if there is a ghost walk of Lebanon-

Also YAAAAAAS THOSE TWO ARE THE CUTEST

Nat&Kat&Giu: CAS

Sam looks relieved

Kat: OF FUCK THIS

Nat: Look at that phone

Giu: OMG NO

Nat&Zee&Kat: One hell of a dream

Kat: So much plagiarism

Zee : This music NEEDS to stop

Nat: NO WHAT THE FUCK WAS THIS

Giu: THE FUCK

Zee : Can we have a “fuck” count ?

Nat: aWWWW...jACK

Nat: WTF JACK

Giu: Jack honey dont

Kat: WHAT ARE THE DOING TO BABY BEAN

Zee: March 7???

Nat: Yeah no

Writers: heya! we are gonna give you some sweet stuff for the 300th, y’all gonna hate it so much.

after credits brainstorm

Nat: SO GET THIS Did John remember? Did John know that the boys are happy and he spends the last of his days thinking about how he could get rid of Michael? Giu: What what . Oh fuck I sure hope so Nat: He saw that the boys were happy, that Mary came back. That's all he wanted . That's why it wasn't hard for him to let go and make the deal. Zee: I soooooo don’t need this rn Giu: im on board. Because he said that he had the strangest dream right? So since their life are fucked up anyway , what hurt could it make to look that shit up? Nat: He will remember but it's more like a vivid dream and he will do anything to fight for them so that's why it wasn't hard for him at all to save Dean, even though he can't defeat YED. Because he knows that his boys will save the world.  And still live. with an angel and lucifer's child.

.

.I have no word , and no answer of how I’m feeling right now.

.

.

If you want to get tagged in the future ones send an ask HERE or to @waywardbaby or a smoke signal, idk whatever I’m tired af.

TAGS: @supernatural-teamfreewillpage  @destiel-honeypie    @mariekoukie6661    @dragontamerm     @closetspngirl  @rainflowermoon   @mattiecat     @bunnybaby121115 @aliaitee2  @jacks-word-of-the-day   @4evamc    @dammitsammy   @legendary-destiel @winchesterprincessbride  @destielhoneybee  @castiellover20 

[faveficarchive]

Leica

By Vivian Darkbloom

Pairing: Mel/Janice

Rating: Mature

Synopsis: Janice buys Mel a camera. 

This Morning, The Bosporus

It has never occurred to me to keep a personal diary or journal of any kind. I’ve spend a good deal of my life immersed in reading and writing other people’s words, the vast majority of it significantly more profound than my own life and its accompanying mundane clutter, that my thoughts seem fairly trivial, not worth a written record.  Lately, however, I find myself wanting to write down the dreams I have at night, because they dissolve in the aperture of morning, and as the day fills with activity they’re gone, soon forgotten. They are vivid—at least I want to believe they are vivid. Otherwise I’m uncertain of why this compulsion has settled into me.

We’ve been traveling so much I forget at times where I am—another thing that abets the loss of the dreams is that as I wake I start wondering where we are. What city? Where are we headed?

This morning, however, I know exactly where we are: The Bosporus is outside the bedroom window. The Golden Horn, to be more precise, looking not so much golden as thickened with a gray mist that reminds me of London and hides the pearl of the Seraglio Point in generous folds of fog. And on the nightstand is something that wasn’t there last night when I went to bed—a sleek, black beauty, perfectly rectangular, crowned by a cheap pink bow: A Leica camera.

It must be my birthday—better yet, it must mean that she remembered my birthday.

The gravitas of the camera’s satisfying weight in my hand convinces me I could rival Cartier-Bresson as both an artist and a recorder of the human condition, and yes, I am still in some state of sleepy euphoria. Ignoring the bulky instruction manual (which serves as a humble ceremonial pillow for the camera on the nightstand)—not to mention my own rigid tendencies to properly research anything before undertaking it (sex, tennis, beef Bourguignon)—I explore, greedily. The lens cap pops like a champagne cork and the tip of my finger, careful not to smudge, runs a cautious lap around the rim of the lens. The ridges of the shutter dial and the rewinding knob nip my skin. The pebbled black body fits into my palm as I gaze through the viewfinder, touch another button, and commit to posterity the very first picture taken with my beloved new camera, a startling and intimate portrait of my bony ankle.

She’s in the doorway now, laughing at me—“You like it?”—hands in pockets, foot nervously bumping against the wood door frame, smiling with cocky shyness. And I wish this was the very first photo I’d taken.

Happy Birthday, Leica. It’s your day too.

Within the Circle of Memory

After two days of photographing everything in sight, she has lost patience with me, as the world of Istanbul is documented in my own mercurial way—alleys, bridges, mosques, men at coffee shops, women behind store counters, baskets of figs, mirrors in the marketplace, a cloud blurred in the reflection of a puddle (my artistic pretensions still exceeding my technical grasp at this point). I suspect, however, that lavishing the Leica’s attention for several long minutes on a scrawny, surly alley cat was the last straw—and so she decides to turn the tables: “Give me the camera. I want to take a picture of you.”

My grip tightens possessively around the Leica. “You already have plenty of photos of me.”

“Those old photos?  You’re always dressed up and have some sort of ape-man on your arm. No,” she continues, “I want something recent, where you look like you. Where you’re smiling.”

I’m usually on the opposite side of the camera, albeit not by choice. Smile! Say cheese! Pretend you’re happy to be clinging to that tuxedoed baboon’s arm, at least! In these photos I’m as graven as a life mask. She’s right, I never look like me in these pictures, and so I surrender.

The camera suddenly appropriated, she fumbles with it. The cigarette in her mouth darts up, down, side to side, as if an antenna seeking guidance from a distant satellite on the proper f-stop, and the burning ash a prism jockeying for the perfect angle of light. When the cigarette juts up in a classic FDR fashion, her jaw line tenses with disappointment and I want to kiss that angry, soft fault line right here in this very public street.

If I can resist the temptation to kiss, I cannot resist the temptation to meddle: “Let me.”

“I can do it.”

“I know. Just let me fix the settings for you.”

“If you’d give me a goddamn minute—”

I give her a goddamn minute, and more. Many more. Despite the anxious flutter of my stomach, I say nothing even when it becomes painfully obvious that she thinks the rewind knob will adjust the viewfinder. How on earth did she ever get the film into the camera before she gave it to me? She must have bribed the shop owner! Finally, I can take no more and hold out my hand: “Here.”

She relents, but not without a growl of “oh, fuck it.”

“You’d think it was trigonometry, from the way you’re going on about it. Honestly.” But perhaps there is a kind of trigonometry at work—calculating the triad of relationships among the photographer, the subject, the camera itself. The beloved, the lover, the conduit.  But where does the perfect sphere of memory, embodied in the photograph itself—an elegant proof of love—intersect all this? I almost begin blathering this aloud, but I look up and she is scowling at me. She never takes well to teasing about her intelligence.

We reach a détente when I return the Leica to her. “Go on, then.”

Her expression softens into contrition; she looks at the camera with a new wonder, as if thinking, Yes, why was it so complicated? “Okay now.” She clears her throat, aims the Leica. “Smile…”

I smile fraudulently.

“…and say…”

My face twitches anxiously.

“…‘fuck you, asshole.’”

I don’t. But I laugh, and that is precisely what she wants.

Where a Perfect Climate is to be Obtained

It all started with the postcards that, for a time, crossed my doorstep more regularly than my father did. If it sounds as if I blame him for something—well, that is how the truth slants, I suppose, but if not for his absences I wouldn’t have had a scrapbook of postcards from around the world. My favorite had been the one he sent back from Cairo, of the Nile saturated in vermillion sunset with one long, low skiff gliding along the river. “Spend this winter in Egypt,” the card proclaimed, “where a perfect climate is to be obtained.” On the back my father had written: We’re “holed up” in Cairo for longer than expected—Ralph has dysentery. Bad last week but he’s getting better and we should be off in a few days. Darling I hope you’re being a good girl and studying hard. I’ve grown a frightening beard and you wouldn’t recognize me!

In college, that postcard had been tacked up over my desk and whenever I tired of books and boys I would seek it out like a talisman—even if I were not in my own rooms at the time, I would see it clearly in my mind—to remind me I would not be in school forever, that perhaps like my father, I would travel, I would get away. Not from any place specifically, mind you, but from myself. I would get away from being me.

We are not in Egypt yet. Soon, she says. This one word from her encompasses in meaning any time period from a couple of hours to a couple of months. Days. Years. I’m not quite sure it matters, because I have achieved my freedom.

At Istanbul’s city wall a crumbling tower catches my eye and once again the Leica is in front of my face like a boxy Venetian mask. (“Oh Christ, here we go again,” she moans.)

I can hide behind the camera. It thrills me.

Within the rangefinder are the framelines’ decorous scars, a constant reminder of what will be severed from any given photo, of the seemingly simple fact that taking a picture is not merely about the image but also, its presentation. About what is not there.

So I swerve—pivoting the lens and panning away from the castle across a landscape of ruinous stone and moss, slowly, as if I am directing a film, rehearsing a shot. Like a director seeking out his leading lady, von Sternberg looking for his Dietrich.  

And there she is. Instinctively her eyes narrow and her lips tighten into grim beauty before she realizes I will not move away, and she relaxes into herself. The change is almost imperceptible, and the elegant proof of love almost incalculable, but it is there—plainly visible as I commit to the shutter release, which whispers the softest kiss I have ever heard.

[jennycalendar]

regarding honor and honesty in the workplace (35/43)

read it on ao3!

slow burn is over; expect some Quality domestic fluff :’)

from the personal files of Jenny Calendar:

It is 12:51 in the morning, and Rupert and I are once again working on a case.

“The part I don’t get,” said Jenny through a mouthful of Cheetos, swallowing when Rupert looked a bit confused by her muffled words, “the part I don’t get is why Cordelia hasn’t vanished off the face of the earth along with Wesley and Angel. Like, Lilah’s really goddamn good at covering her tracks—she was already planning to shoot me in an alley. It isn’t Wolfram and Hart’s MO to leave loose ends unless they’re planning on following up later.”

“Cordelia did something rather clever,” said Rupert, smiling slightly and placing a piece of paper down on the kitchen table. Jenny picked it up, taking a good look at it, and saw that it was a printout of an Instagram post—the picture showing Cordelia, all decked out and smiling beatifically at the camera. She was wearing the dark green dress she’d worn the night of the gala. “She returned to Instagram with a post about how she’d taken some unexpected offline time to begin preparing a—um—vlog?”

“Video blog,” said Jenny. “Or video log, depending.”

“Thank you for a very needed translation, dear,” said Rupert, squeezing Jenny’s shoulder as, leaning on his walking stick, he crossed the kitchen to reach above the sink and awkwardly take the kettle from a cabinet. “At any rate, Cordelia made her presence known online again with promises of a daily vlog, which meant that her disappearance might legitimately spark a buzz of online gossip. As our daughters noted, her online following is quite sizable.”

“God, that girl really is smart,” said Jenny, impressed.

“It was a failsafe in the event of a Wolfram and Hart emergency,” Rupert explained, his smile flickering, “but she knows it’s something of a double-edged sword. As long as she’s posting, Wolfram and Hart can keep consistent tabs on what she’s doing and the people she’s visiting.”

“Okay,” said Jenny. “I see the problem. How are we supposed to get to Cordelia and start making plans?”

“This is the part I don’t think you’ll like,” said Rupert.

“What?”

“You haven’t asked me yet why Buffy was acting so oddly a few days ago,” said Rupert somewhat uncomfortably, turning on the sink to fill the kettle. “I feel as though that should be a question you should begin considering.”

Jenny blinked, and then took another look at Rupert. “No,” she said. “Rupert, you didn’t.”

“Jenny—”

“You had our daughter go and meet Cordelia?”

“In my defense—”

“There is literally nothing you can say that will make putting our daughter in actual mortal danger sound like a good choice!”

“All right, now that’s a blanket statement,” said Rupert, irritation added to the guilt in his tone. He placed the now-full kettle down on the stovetop, turning the burner on. “Might I get a sentence out, or do you have more that you would like to add?”

“Only that I don’t think it’s something Buffy should be involved in under any circumstances,” said Jenny archly.

“Have you possibly entertained the notion that I completely agree?” Rupert pointed out.

“Would Buffy have gone to meet Cordelia if you completely agreed?”

“Yes, she would have,” said Rupert shortly, “because Buffy went without my permission.”

Jenny felt her anger dissipate and she winced a little. “Oh,” she said. “I’m sorry. I just—” She waved a hand, then said, “I-I worry about you and the kids.”

Rupert’s face softened as the kettle went off. Turning off the burner, he reached for his walking stick, awkwardly crossing the kitchen to lean down and give Jenny a very soft kiss. They were both smiling a little nervously when he pulled away. “I’m well aware,” he said, “though it surprises me that you’re still willing to work this rather dangerous case with me.”

“Yeah, well,” said Jenny. “Hate to admit it, but you make a few damn good points about my not wanting to live my life with Lilah looking over my shoulder.” She reached up, tracing his jawline with a fingertip. “Not to mention that you’d probably just do this case anyway no matter how hard I try to talk you out of it.”

“Oh, absolutely,” Rupert agreed, and kissed her forehead before pulling back all the way, moving across the kitchen to begin setting up the tea.

“So tell me about what happened with Buffy.”

“Well,” said Rupert, “as you know, our daughters all have a knack for figuring us out both aptly and quickly.”

“Yeah, I’m still mad at them for not telling me outright that you’ve been in love with me since the Jurassic era,” said Jenny, mouth twitching.

“Proterozoic, actually,” said Rupert with dignity, which made Jenny bite her lip and smile at the kitchen table. “And the point that I am trying to make is that the girls quite easily figured out what I was doing. Faith wasn’t at all fond of the idea of keeping things from you, but did accept that it was my decision to make in the long run—”

“So that’s why she was mad at you,” said Jenny. “You know you can’t get the girls to keep things from me again, right?”

“Extenuating circumstances—”

“Swear to god, Rupert, I will break up with you right now if you say you’ll ever get the girls to keep things from me that might put this family in danger,” said Jenny mildly, wishing she had a mug of tea to raise to her lips in a dramatic yet powerful gesture.

Rupert smiled wryly and nodded. “Goes both ways,” he said.

“Obviously,” Jenny agreed.

“At any rate,” said Rupert, “Buffy was quite determined to help out in any way she could. She pieced together quite quickly that Cordelia would be a useful asset, left the house under the guise of getting milk, and met Cordelia at a coffee shop to ‘catch up on old times.’ She’s having lunch with Willow and Cordelia at Cordelia’s apartment in a few days, and she says they’ll be using that time to discuss possible strategies for locating Angel and his team.”

“Wait,” said Jenny. “Buffy knows about Angel?”

Rupert’s hand shook as he poured out the tea. “It was a rather emotional conversation,” he said, “but yes. She knows Angel’s back in town, and she says she’s dealing with it as best she can.”

Jenny smiled. “I’m glad she’s got some healthy coping mechanisms up her sleeve,” she said. Then, “She’s going to be in so much trouble for not telling me about seeing Cordelia.”

“I told her as much,” said Rupert. “She said getting lectured by you would be worth it if she knew she’d be able to help take down the people who got me shot.”

Jenny felt her smile flutter a bit. “Oh,” she said. “You know what? Maybe—we should talk to the girls, see if they can help.”

“Jenny,”said Rupert, reproving and a bit horrified.

“Hey,” said Jenny. “You had the good fortune of not having to be the one there while the girls watched a parent bleed out. I know for a fact that taking Wolfram and Hart down would make me feel a hell of a lot better about all the shit they put us through. I’m pretty sure Buffy’s got the same outlook, and I think she deserves to be a part of whatever justice we serve. Faith and Dawn too, as a matter of fact.”

“This is our job,” said Rupert. “Not theirs.”

“You know they’re just gonna go ahead and do it with or without us,” Jenny countered. “Just like you did when I told you I didn’t want you working this case. Why not make sure they’re helping in a way that isn’t going to end up with them getting killed?”

Rupert placed a mug of tea down in front of her, studying her with a grudging adoration. “You are intolerably, frustratingly right,” he said.

“Aww. I love you too.” Jenny took the mug, taking a long sip, then said, “Needs more sugar.”

“I am injured,” said Rupert, “and suffering, get your own bloody sugar,” and sat down next to her at the kitchen table with his own mug.

“Okay,” Jenny whispered, and kissed him.

Jenny and Rupert ended up falling asleep on the couch watching early-morning sitcoms, and woke up when the sun started shining through the curtains. Groaning, Jenny buried her face in Rupert’s pajama shirt, mumbling vaguely and wondering if she could manage a few more minutes of sleep at least.

“I’ll make breakfast,” said Rupert wearily.

“Ugh,” said Jenny, “no, you’re—you still need rest, I can make breakfast—”

“As it happens,” said Buffy, “us kids can very happily solve this problem for the both of you.”

Jenny looked up, surprised and still a little sleepy, and saw that the girls were all standing with a sizable breakfast tray, complete with slightly sloppy pancakes, two champagne glasses of orange juice, and a fruit salad. “We tried to make the pancakes heart-shaped,” said Buffy a little apologetically, “you know, to celebrate you guys being in love and stuff? But turns out Dad’s the only one who can really pull it off.”

“Do I have to start calling Giles my dad now?” Faith asked, smirking.

“I’m calling Jenny my evil stepmother,” said Dawn with satisfaction. “I always wanted an evil stepmother when I was little.”

Gently disentangling herself from Rupert, Jenny pulled herself up to cross the living room and carefully hug each of the girls, making sure not to jostle the tray in the process. She lingered on Buffy, because she knew for a fact that 1) making a lavish congratulations-breakfast wasn’t Dawn’s style, and 2) Faith tended to express her appreciation by just flat-out telling people she was happy for them. “Thanks,” she said softly. After a moment of deliberation, she added, “You know, your dad told me about your meeting with Cordelia.”

Buffy visibly steeled herself. “Yeah?”

“I definitely don’t like the idea of my kid being involved in this line of work,” said Jenny carefully, “but I also think that forbidding you from it is just going to make you more determined to do it. If you want to meet Cordelia, we’re okay with it, but we have to go over the finer points of collecting information.”

“Oh,” said Buffy, looking surprised.

“What?”

“I was honestly kinda expecting you to chew me out,” said Buffy a little sheepishly. “Dad was furious.”

“Rightfully so,” said Rupert blearily, and pulled the knitted throw around himself, snuggling further into the couch.

“Well, what you did definitely wasn’t wise,” Jenny agreed, “but you’re legally an adult now, and I feel as though trying to protect you by keeping you uninformed about case work is only going to lead to you being placed in progressively more dangerous situations if this is a path you decide you want to pursue.”

“What about us?” Dawn piped up.

“Yeah, I’m pretty close to being a legal adult,” Faith added hopefully.

Jenny considered this, then glanced over at Rupert, who was now sitting up and looking at the girls with a slightly more alert expression. “Penny for your thoughts, sweetheart?” she asked.

Rupert smiled a little at the endearment. “Only that I very much agree with you inasmuch as keeping the girls up to date,” he said, “but also that Dawn isn’t yet in high school and I definitely don’t want her involved in this at the same capacity as Buffy.”

Dawn scowled.

“Hold that frown, Dawn, that doesn’t mean we’re not taking you seriously,” said Jenny patiently. “Buffy’s also been taking weekly self-defense classes for the last two years. She can hold her own better than your dad can, in my humble opinion—”

“Thanks ever so much, Jenny—”

“Shut up, I’m making a point.” Jenny skirted the coffee table to sit down next to Rupert, kissing him on the cheek and letting him lie back down with his head in her lap. The girls looked positively thrilled with this development. “Dawn, would you be okay with helping your dad compile and organize hard copies of our information? Not to mention we need someone who actually knows how to use a computer—”

“I know how to use your laptop,” said Rupert, his voice softening and slowing as Jenny idly ran a hand through his hair, “you’re so—hmm—dramatic—”

“What about me?” Faith persisted. “I’m not down for sitting still.”

Jenny considered this, then said, “You and I are going to start coming up with a game plan as to how we’re going to use the info we get from Cordelia. It’s behind-the-scenes work—”

“—but if your mother’s in charge of it, we know it’s the most important work there is,” Rupert mumbled, and smiled slightly when Jenny brushed her fingers against his cheek.

[marchpisces]

So recently I just got into the Stonathan fandom and am absolute in love with these two.

I’m also watching a Chinese show called “歌手” (The Singer) and while listening to Jessie J’s Killing me softly with his song cover, and a story just hit me.

This is an AU where nothing in Stranger Things ever happened to Hawkins, and of course Mike still had a chance to meet Eleven, and Eleven is actually Jane Hopper - our dearest chief’s daughter.

Let’s talk about Stonathan though

Without all the events in Stranger Things, Steve would still be dating Nancy.

Nancy was smart, her thought was way ahead of their time, she figured nothing would make her happier than being one of the most influential journalists and so after she graduated high school, she broke up with Steve and finally moved to New York with her bestie Barb to follow her dream

Steve himself got a job at his dad company, Tommy H and Carol would have all gone to college, leaving him alone. They did not lose contact but Steve just did not feel like talking to them anymore because they were not really the kind of friend Steve would want to keep

Steve was lonely, he had no friend, no lover, he barely made progress in his job, so to make himself feel better, one night, he decided to stop by the only bar in town for a drink and listen to people singing

He did not know for sure what urged him to do such thing but he glad he did because Jonathan Byers, who worked there, would perform a song each night and listening to Jonathan singing somehow made Steve feel so relaxed.

He went there for a month or so before he made up his mind to talk to Jonathan

There was nothing much for the two to talk about at first, they would just talk about work and occasionally mentioned how great Nancy’s life in New York was because yes, she was the only string and topic pulling them together. For most of the time, Steve would be the only one to talk, Jonathan preferred listening to him anyway

One day Steve got really drunk and Jonathan didn’t know why, drunk Steve didn’t talk as much as the usually Steve, he acted like a really nice kid and did whatever Jonathan told him to

Though he got sleepy after his eighth drink and poor Jonathan had to carry him home, Jonathan couldn’t find it in him to leave Steve sleep on the sofa so he let Steve sleep on his bed

Jonathan woke up really early although he always worked the afternoon/evening shift (from 1PM to 9PM) and so today he woke up with Steve face in his chest and his arms and legs all over him.

Steve did wake up half an hour after that because Will was knocking really loud on the door, he felt totally embarrassed and apologized for being so damn clingy, Jonathan laughed and said it was nothing

Jonathan then made breakfast, and had Steve sat down because “It’s Sunday” Jonathan said “Take it easy on yourself and just enjoy the meal I’ve prepared for you, will you”

Joyce would be a little surprised because Jonathan never brought a friend home, let alone letting them stay for the night but Steve was really polite and what the hell, Joyce would not care even if Steve was actually Jonathan’s boyfriend as long as he can make her baby boy happy

They had small talks every few minutes before Will went out with his friends, Bob also stopped by to pick Joyce up for their date, leaving the whole house to Jonathan and Steve

At a time like this, Jonathan figured it is a good time to ask Steve about whatever was troubling him. He squeezed Steve shoulder, hoping to that Steve understand that no matter what problem he was facing, Jonathan was willing to help.

Steve blushed, his face was so red Jonathan wondered if he suddenly caught a fever. 

He did not tell Jonathan his feeling because he was too afraid, afraid that Jonathan would find him crazy.

He managed to keep calm and tell Jonathan about how lonely he felt having no friends, making zero progress at work and how his dad expectation exhausted him, Jonathan did not say a word, but the next day they met Jonathan did offer Steve some sweets because Steve loved sweets

Their friendship had gone to a new level, Jonathan opened up more and since they both have issues with their dad, they had a really special bond

Steve thought he was ok with being Jonathan friend until Jonathan told him some girl confessed to him. I know, this is so cliché. Steve got really sad but he acted like he’s fine with it and tell Jonathan to try dating the girl.

Jonathan didn’t say anything but then he did ask the girl for a date, he even asked Steve to help to set up for a romantic date or something for them.

I mean at this point, it was too much for Steve so Steve turned him down, saying he had lots of work lately so he could not help. The next few days, he spent his evening in his house, avoiding Jonathan and for once, Steve was actually grateful that his parents were almost never home.

He hadn’t met up with Jonathan for five nights and it felt like a century had passed by. The door bell rang, Steve paused the movie on VCR and went to open the door just to find a very lonely looking Jonathan standing there.

Steve did not say anything, he moved aside to let Jonathan in.

They both sat down in the living room, not saying a word.

Then Jonathan cleared his voiced and asked Steve why he did not show up at the bar these nights, Steve simply replied that he was busy with work

Jonathan was quiet for a few seconds before he laughed making Steve felt so confused. Jonathan finally said “And here I thought you were jealous of that girl, you didn’t want to see me go on a date with her.”

Steve got shocked but his expression remained calm, Jonathan continued, “For a while back, I was getting this feeling that you had a crush on me. It wasn’t something I feel happy for, but I certainly don’t hate it.”

“I like to spend time with you, and feel like there’s a special connection between us.” Jonathan smiled “That was when I realized I like you”

“No one confessed to me, I just wanted to see how you would react if there really was someone. I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking about your feelings. I guess I just want to make sure you really like me before confessing so I won’t get punch in the face”

“That’s what I have to say, so sorry for bothering you. I’m going to leave now.”

Jonathan stood up and started walking, Steve pulled him back for a kiss, it was sloppy at first but then got really passionate.

Fast forward to the sex scene, I mean I’m not good with words so sorry for not being able to describe how passionate their kiss was.

When Jonathan entered him, it hurts so much Steve started to regret being the bottom but when he saw Jonathan worried expression and how small and precious Jonathan was (though Jonathan is only a bit shorter than him), he couldn’t bring himself to let Jonathan bear this pain. But the longer they do it, the pain just went away, replaced by waves of pleasant feeling.

So they were officially dating, Steve did not want anyone to know yet but Jonathan did tell Nancy, she was so surprised at first because she did not think they would even be friend at first let alone dating, but she did congratulate them and she meant it.

Joyce was the first one to noticed that they were dating, then Will and his gang, then Bob, yes Bob was the last to even noticed, although he was really smart, he just was not that good at reading the atmosphere, but every one was happy for them.

Hawkins was a small town, eventually every one in town will know, Steve got beaten by his dad for the first time, his mom was crying and saying how disappointed she was, Jonathan wanted to help but Steve decided it was his time to stand up for himself and do what he felt like was best for him.

He quit the job at his dad company and start getting a job at the police station, though people still gave him eyes and talked about him behind his back, he knew that he did not have to care about it as long as he could make a living. Chief Hopper was a great boss anyway, he treated Steve the same as before.

Steve’s parents pretended like they did not have a son like him, it would be a huge lie to say Steve was not sad, but the Byers were like his family now, Joyce liked talking to him and showing him pictures’ of Jonathan when he was young; Will trusted him when asking for some love advice; and most important was Jonathan cherished him.

Hawkins was a small town, nothing much happened, Jonathan and Steve watched as Will got married, Mike and Jane got their first baby girl, Nancy finally return home with a three-year-old son and was a proud single mother and also a very influential journalist at the age of thirty five and so on

Jonathan and Steve watched as things changed, as the elders parted with Hawkins and as the younger generation were born

Nothing much happened in Hawkins, Jonathan and Steve did not achieve anything big in their lives, but Steve was so grateful for all of these years

He remembered when he was in his sickbed that Jonathan, now an old man but still as charming as he was the first time they met, asked Steve: “Did yo ever regret about all of this?”

Steve smiled gently and patted Jonathan’s hand: “Idiot, if I ever feel regret, would I stay with you until you turn into an ugly old man?”

Jonathan also smiled and put a kiss on Steve fore head.

The day Steve was gone was a rainy day, that night Jonathan dreamed about the first time they met.

Steve was sitting there with a cup of whiskey on his hand, totally in awe when Jonathan sang. There was something about Steve, maybe it was his hair, maybe it was his eyes, or maybe it was because of the lights in the bar, but Jonathan could not keep his eyes from Steve as he sang.

“Telling my whole life with his words Killing me softly, with his words”

God, I know, this is so goddamn cliché, it might have made you feel bored or cringe so hard.

But goddamnit, what the hell, the story just hit me and I thought I should really write it down

[rainbowravioli]

Do you have any fanfic recommendation especially with Yuri!!! ON ICE and Voltron? I think you have a good taste because your meta analyses are always a great read. Aside from art, do you also write fics? Sorry for the many asks. Thank you!

Awwwww you flatter me anon! I never really wrote fics. Well ok, not entirely true, I wrote some pieces for friends in the past. I’m really really insecure over the idea of writing in something that’s not my native language. I still mess up English a lot. You know anxiety and all that.

Don’t apologise for sending asks, I’m always happy to get them. I’m sorry I took a while to reply, but I was compiling a list and I don’t have an ao3 account so tracking down fic I previously read is a bit difficult! 

About Voltron fics. Since I don’t engage with the general fandom much and stay in my safe corner, most of what I have to rec is Sheith. I don’t know if you ship Sheith, so here’s my non-sheith recs (if you do though, feel free to come back and ask for my recs on that)

Give Them Shelter by BossToaster (ChaoticReactions)

Have some freakin’ gen fluff, you goddamn animals. In response to Day 15 of legendarydesvender’s Inktober

The paladins explore the castle and do adorable some team bonding.

Making the Rounds by Kiaxet

When Shiro has trouble dealing with his past with the Galra, he heads to engineering for company. Pidge and Hunk…aren’t quite sure what to do when he just…hovers. (Cuddles. Cuddles forever.)

Very sweet and amazingly in-character “team looks after Shiro” piece.

the fear of falling by amillionsmiles

Keith can pull off a downward spiral. It’s the kind of maneuver he does in his sleep.

Brilliant character study and backstory exploration of Keith. 

i miss you sideways daily by amillionsmiles

“I know how it is,” she sighs fondly, snatching up the empty plastic bags from the table and throwing them in the trash as they exit the cafeteria. “The three of you just zoom off to your own little world sometimes.”

“As long as we come back, right, Mom?” Katie teases, already thinking of next year, when she’ll don the orange and white uniform as well.

Her mom smiles, rising on her toes to kiss Matt’s cheek, pinching Katie’s side with her other hand.

“As long as you come back.”

(or: Katie and Pidge and her family. Before, after, and from now on.)

Outstanding, well paced, super emotional character study! The incorporation of science and technology in the story is brilliant. 

Your Princess Is In Another Castle by VelkynKarma

Part of the paladin’s mission is to spread peace and diplomacy. Allura has trained for years to be exceptional at it, in all situations.

A perfect demonstration of the importance of Allura’s role (with bonus importance of Shiro’s political role as the Black Paladin) and how utterly amazing she is.

Fragile Atlas by Pie Badger

Stranded on an unknown planet, Shiro struggles with the ramifications of Zarkon being able to take control of the Black Lion.

Shiro and Black talking and bonding over shared pain.

As for Yuri on Ice, I had a previous rec list here (x). Here’s more, under the cut because it gets really long

Complete

Like a Fairytale - lucycamui

In which Prince Victor gets swept off his feet at a royal banquet and will go to any length to find his ‘Cinderella’ Yuuri.(And Phichit is the fairy godmother who has no idea what he’s doing).

“The crown prince of the Nikiforov kingdom, infatuated with a mystery pastry chef he’s only just met. This is exactly the kind of scandalous love story my life has been missing… So, what’s he look like? What exactly is Prince Victor’s type?”

“…Sweet.”

“Well, he does make pastries.“

This is super sweet, adorable fluff! Lovely, smooth, whimsical writing style that really had me feeling like I was reading a fairytale. The whole thing just melted my heart. It’s also really funny.

Beside the Dancing Sea - lily_winterwood

He’s finally here in this lovely and quiet little beach cottage, and the rest of the year seems to stretch out infinitely before him. Time will pass, though, and it will pass faster than he realises, but in the meantime he will stop worrying about writer’s block and deadlines and not even having the foggiest clue what his next novel’s going to be about, and live.New York Times-bestselling author Viktor Nikiforov arrives in the sleepy seaside town of Torvill Cove to cure his writer’s block. After encountering local wallflower Yuuri Katsuki at a party, he discovers that this mysterious dark-haired man has a couple secrets up his sleeve.And Viktor will be damned if he doesn’t find out just what those secrets are.

This fic emotionally drained me and ruined my sleeping schedule. I adore it! It just has all these elements that I love so I may be biased, but I really feel like the writing is beautiful and evocative and the take of the mythology is very unique and heartwarming and heartbreaking at the same time and the whole story and character arcs are just really well-crafted. I wish this fic was an actual original novel so that I could buy and keep in my shelf forever.

Wanted: Skating Lessons - slightlied

Hi. I am Victor and I need to learn how to skate before Saturday. My parents have been paying for me to get skating lessons every week for the last fifteen years but I never actually attended any of the lessons and I spent the money on marble busts instead. Now they want me to perform to ‘Stammi Vicino’ at their wedding anniversary on Saturday.

If you can teach me, be here at Ice Castle tomorrow at 7:27am with an extra pair of skates. I am a fast learner (well, at least my dog Makkachin is–it took me only two weeks to teach him how to roll over) so I am pretty sure I will pick it up quickly. In return, I can teach you how to say some pick-up lines in Russian or tell you some facts about my love life. Whichever you prefer. Not both, though.

Yours sincerely, Victor

PS. I’m a size 8

—

Or, Yuuri answers an ad he sees on Ice Castle’s community board.

This is adorable and really funny.

Twenty-Five Hours by 0lizzybennet0

In which Yuuri spends a 25 hour flight next to Victor Nikiforov, skating legend, and feels it might simultaneously be the best and worst thing that has ever happened to him.

This fic messed with my heart beautifully. But I must warn, this is angst based on a misunderstanding/Yuuri deciding to be a big liar and taking the lie too far, so it’s certainly not for everyone since I know it’s a trope that a lot of people really dislike. That said, this has probably one of my favourite portrayals of the Victor/Yurio relationship I’ve ever read.

Here And Human by TreacherousGnome

aka ‘Viktor is a baby when he’s tired and Yuuri can’t *believe* that doesn’t bother him more’

This fic includes several things I’m weak to - filling the gaps in between episodes we didn’t get to see, Yuuri dealing with his growing feelings, mentions of the banquet that Yuuri doesn’t get, and literal sleeping together.

not gold like in your dreams by ebenroot

“Victor, you could have let some psychopath into your apartment.”

“Oh come on, he’s not a psychopath,” Victor chides. Christophe makes a gesture with his hand that says ‘are you seriously this naïve or are you drunk at work again?’.

“Victor, you don’t know that. You don’t know anything about him. Whose name am I going to give to the police or face I’m going to describe to the sketch artist when they find your body chopped up like Hannibal Lecter’s side dish?”

–

in which Victor and Yuuri are roommates and Yuuri has a secret

This is the Penelope AU we deserve! Even though I knew the movie, this fic still kept me on the edge of my seat and messed with my emotions and had me both cheering and bursting into tears. Great pacing, great writing style. I love it enough that I’m willing to overlook that this is a villain!JJ fic.

The Tsesarevich lives! by mtothedestiel

An Anastasia AU. Victor is an orphan with no name, no family, and no memory of a time before he was ten years old. Could he really be the missing Nikiforov heir? An adventure across Europe with two conmen will lead him to the answer.

I mean, entertaining the idea of an Anastasia AU for YoI is not hard if you’re a fan of both, but I always had reservations on how to execute it properly. This fic more than succeeded! It knows where to be faithful to the original and where to deviate, fixes a lot of the problems I had with the movie and even adds actual historical context and addresses the issues that come with it.

Unworthy by heartsdesire456

5 Times Victor Overheard People Saying Yuuri Wasn't Good Enough For Him and 1 Time Someone Told Him Yuuri Was Too Good For Him

My favourite fix-it fic for the finale, with Yuuri being a very accurate insecure mess, the world accurately doubting Victor’s intentions, Yuuri’s friends being amazing, Victor being smitten and Yuuri winning gold. I’m still amazed this was written before the finale because it has this one piece of dialogue that echoes it, except it’s much better. 

improbable by themorninglark

The first words Phichit Chulanont says to Seung Gil in over a year are, “You literally have only one photo on your Instagram.

This is probably my favourite characterisation of Seung Gil I’ve ever read and the whole thing is both funny and adorable.

if love is king, who wears the crown by Crollalanza

“Second is seen as nothing,” Christophe had derided.

“But that moment you glide onto the ice, that hush of the audience, and that expectation, isn’t that worth something?”

“You speak as if you know. You used to skate?”

Past tense. It still stung, even if it was expected.

Minako knows exactly what it’s like to be at the top of your game, and she remembers the descent just as clearly.

Chris feels and Minako feels and just…my heart aches for both of them.

Ongoing

The Rules For Lovers by ADreamingSongbird

Prince Yuuri Katsuki has a duty to his country, above all else (his desires, his dreams, and his happiness included), and he knows this alliance will help to ensure the safety of his people. That’s the only reason he accepts Prince Nikiforov’s hand in marriage. The pleasant surprise, of course, is the part where they fall in love along the way. The unpleasant one, well…

That’s a long story.

Suffer with me. In the best way possible. The writing is beautiful, the relationship build is so well paced, the setting is great with its mix of modern day, alternate history, magic and technology, even the OCs are brilliant. This fic is amazing, but god does it stress me out with its cliffhangers and the plot and political intrigue and suffering! I’m holding on to that “angst with a happy ending” tag to keep me going.

My Hero, Yuuri by Abarero

At the age of 23, Yuuri Katsuki is certain he’s just a dime-a-dozen hero that will never make a difference. Little does he know that the moment his path crosses with legendary hero, Victor Nikiforov, both of their lives will begin to change for the better.

A perfect combination of two things I love - Yuri on Ice and My Hero Academia. It mashes the two universes brilliantly, managing to keep tie-ins and references to both while still being very much it’s own (amazing) thing. It has made me laugh out loud and warmed my heart and manages to keep surprising me.

Trade Your Heroes For Ghosts by Naamah_Beherit

Having endured what was probably the worst day of his life followed by a night he does not remember, Yuuri wakes up with a hangover of the century and a desperate plea for the world to forget about his existence. Alas, the world has other plans.

So does a certain Russian skater.

Canon divergence where Yuuri and Victor keep contact immediately after the banquet and Yuuri is made aware that the banquet happened. This is beautifully written. It flows so nicely, especially the dialogue. The characterisation of both Yuuri and Victor makes my heart ache in the best possible way. I’m so eager to see where this one will take me!

empty spaces between stars by astudyinrose

Victor gets just as drunk as Yuuri at the Sochi Banquet, and they disappear together after the dance-offs. They wake up the morning after with rings on their fingers, and pictures of them kissing after getting married the night before are all over the tabloids… but neither of them remembers a thing. They decide to stay married for a while for the sake of Victor’s sponsorships, and in exchange, Victor coaches Yuuri through nationals…

Do you like fake relationships, slow burn and mutual pining? Do you like going through an emotional rollercoaster of one minute melting over how adorable and romantic a moment is to screaming at your screen in frustration the next? Then this fic is the one for you!

The Power of Love by kiaronna

“The two Japanese singles medalists make a beautiful pair! Here, at the 2009 Tokyo GPF, we have the start of this power couple’s reign!”Yuuko and Yuuri dominate the singles skating competition as Japan’s power couple—except they aren’t a couple, and when their old skating idol stumbles into their personal life, everything rapidly goes downhill.

A fic that includes Yuuko and focuses on her friendship with Yuuri is already a fic after my own heart. This is Victuuri, and although it’s dipped in the angst you would expect from massive miscommunication and assumptions (and the fabulous game of “how hard can Yuuri’s anxiety misread a situation” which kills me every time), it’s still so sweet and heartwarming. Though the angst destroys me. But my favourite part of this fic is the friendship. Not just between Yuuri and Yuuko, but also between Detroit trio once Phichit comes into the picture. It’s deep, loving friendship portrayed really well.

Fatum ad Momentum by maydei

These are the moments that were lost in the rush for the Gold, and the things that were built within them. A re-evaluation of everything, from day one, the real day one. From, “Be my coach, Victor!!” And how trust, friendship, and love were built from there. Through Victor’s eyes, the story unfolds—the journey and experience of knowing Yuuri.

Really lovely Victor, really interesting take on his POV and the series’ missing moments, and the Victor in Hasetsu scenes my heart has been craving. Just, the whole fic really warms my heart and it’s an absolute joy to read.

[aurimeanswind]

Whoa There Sleepy-Boy—Sunday Chats (4-23-17)

Today was another one of those unfortunate situations where I had an hour of sleep and then a day of things I needed to get done.

But don’t worry, this is gonna be a banger Sunday Chats, and then I’m gonna sleep like there is no tomorrow.

Almost Anniversary

Out of curiosity, I went and looked up when I officially started Sunday Chats in the capacity it exists now, and it was actually the first Sunday in May of 2016. Which is crazy! Because that means next week is kind of the one year anniversary of Sunday Chats. Once again, my history of doing very specific things for way too long consistently continues, this time with Sunday Chats.

But I wanted to take a moment and thank all of the Patrons of Sunday Chats, for their continued support. It’s been really fun to see this thing grow. Originally it was something where I could write a pseudo-editorial, inspired by Cup of Jones from the Easy Allies, and also catch folks up with what I was working on since I write a lot every week. It also made for a pretty fun written outlet for me to discuss what I’ve been playing, of which there has been a lot to talk about. The game I discussed on the very first Sunday Chats? Dark Souls III, of all things. That really takes you back. The long-ass games that have released since really make it feel like an eternity since then.

But something I’ve gotten away from, and it’s unfortunate that I have, is the “What I’ve Been Working On” aspect of Sunday Chats, soooooo...

What I’ve Been Working On

It’s time to bring it back! I think in a post-Alex Talks world, I stopped writing about What I’ve Been Working On because it was pretty much exclusively scripts. But I am off writing things that are in different wheelhouses, so I thought I’d bring this idea back and take you through my week of writing. For folks who don’t know, I write every day, and I write a good amount every day. Usually I chip away at the same big thing over multiple days until its done, but sometimes I’ll write a whole thing in a day.

Here has been my week:

Sun 4/16 - Sunday Chats

Mon 4/17 - *finished Alex Talks Script: Undertale & Asking Tough Questions

Tues 4/18 - *preliminary notes - Flinthook Review

Wed 4/19 - *worked on - Case Study: Breath of the Wild / *closing comments - The Legend of Zelda Breath of the Wild Review / *minor edits - Tales of Berseria Review

Thurs 4/20 - *worked on - Case Study: Breath of the Wild

Fri 4/21 - *blog post - I Finished Persona 5 / *worked on - Case Study: Breath of the Wild

Sat 4/22 - *finished/closing thought - Case Study: Breath of the Wild

So I think listing stuff off like this is fun, because you can see exactly what my week looks like, and maybe I can talk a little bit about my process with some of this stuff.

So for example, when I say “preliminary notes” for Flinthook, I mean I wrote a couple (or sometimes more) cohesive paragraphs discussing how I feel about the game. It’s an exercise I started doing pretty recently, starting with Tales of Zestiria, which I didn’t end up reviewing but did finish this year, and especially with Zelda. I’d just write out a few ‘graphs of how I felt, and maybe a specific point. I’d separate these things out, and usually they never make it into the final review as they are, but they’ll inspire some of the things I’d want to talk about, usually more succinctly, in the final review. It really helped with Zelda, but I ended up having about 2500 extra words written that were completely scrapped from that review, which is part of why it took me so long to nail it down.

That first thing I mentioned was a script for Undertale, that’ll probably end up specifically being a “Case Study” not a general “Alex Talks” video, that is the second iteration of what I wanted to write about Undertale. It’s way too long right now, so I need to trim it down, but I hit a good conclusion and am happy with it as of this week. That probably won't see the light of day for a while though.

My Zelda review and Tales of Berseria review both posted this week, which you should check out if you haven’t already: 

http://irrationalpassions.com/review/tales-of-berseria/

http://irrationalpassions.com/review/the-legend-of-zelda-breath-of-the-wild/

I loved both games quite a bit, both have some problems, one is hands down a masterpiece, and both are probably my favorite game in their respective series, leading them to be incredibly poignant and important to me. I’m particularly proud of my Zelda review, even if it isn’t as good as I wanted it to be. But I got a lot of compliments on it, so I appreciate that and am glad people dig it regardless.

Also: I am still editing ExtraLife videos so until that is done I cannot edit the finished, shot, and prepped episode of Case Study where I talk about Persona 4. I also kind of want to reshoot it, and touch up the script... so we’ll see????

What’s On Tap

I finished Persona 5.

It was a whole big thing. I cried a lot. Not for any particular reason save for it was over, and this thing I had waited so long for ended and it was goddamn wonderful and exceeded even my own expectations. But my thought process on the game is so complicated, I had to write about it. See, this thing: 

http://alexloneill.tumblr.com/post/159821138205/late-night-chats-i-finished-persona-5

There are absolutely no spoilers in this, so don’t worry. I don’t even really talk about the game itself, but I do talk about my feelings in regards to the game. In short: I don’t know if I like it more than Persona 4 Golden, it’s really hard to say, and it’s really hard to even compare the two, and I don’t think we necessarily have to? And also I probably like the cast in Persona 4 more, but not because the cast in Persona 5 is worse, they’re just two very different things.

So I finished Persona 5... And then I started New Game+ on Persona 5... And I immediately started appreciating that opening even more the second time around... And yeah, I’m just gonna be playing this for quite a while longer, I think. And I’m okay with that.

Also, FLINTHOOK IS STILL GOOD AND YOU SHOULD STILL GO GET IT AND PLAY IT.

Questions

Can I just take a minute and say: I don’t really remember which Sunday Chats I started soliciting questions on, but I am legitimately floored at how many people ask questions, how many different people engage with, and how into Sunday Chats people are. Honest to god blown away every single week. And there are some goddamn bangers this week.

I fucking love you all.

Yo, I know Greg reads these, and I just want take a minute and say:

so fucking bad. Greg may mame Xyger mentally so bad that he never can look at a Kart racer again. He may banish him to the goddamn Sonic and All Stars Racer Transformed negs-verse of Kart racers.

On our podcast, at the end, we do Bets, as our kind-of-stealing-it-kind-of-homage to the Easy Allies. This week’s bet was:

On Friday, April 28th, during the Kinda Funny Mario Kart 8 Deluxe Live Stream, who will win the Grand Prix between Xyger and Greg Miller, and by how many points?

I said Greg would win. By 20 points.

I don’t even know if that’s possible, but I expect absolute destruction. I have complete faith in Greg.

Sorry Xyger. (not sorry)

Context real quick:

So for our upcoming (eventual) Persona 5 spoilercast, we are reuniting the cast of our infamous Persona 4 Golden spoilercast, with the addition of Tony Horvath this time. I requested to my spoilercast cohorts that we keep our romance choice a secret until we record the spoilercast. Because of this, I can’t say here. I’ll tell you in DM if you’re curious Peter, but one thing I loved about our P4G spoilercast is we all romanced different characters, which was cool and made the conversation very interesting.

But I will say this, there is no wrong choice here. Not that there was before, but the female cast here is one of the strongest in any game I think.

I remember we had a ton of weird games, and when I was really young, Elementary School age, that’s when OT was all the rage, and I just didn’t have the attention span for it. To be fair, I was a pretty dumb kid, and I hated reading, so I’d not pay attention and blaze through and fail and fail over again, so I never really played it. Which is a bummer, especially after reading the piece of yours that will post tomorrow. People should check that shit out on IrrationalPassions.com, for sure.

But I’d play other dumb, semi-educational games. I was really into like, Disney-based educational games. There was this math/pattern based Aladdin game on PC I loved. And a similar one that was The Little Mermaid that I also loved, but they were voiced and more visual-based? So I think I just gravitated to that visual stuff more.

Haha, what’s really fucked is that I pretty much never want Chick Fil A more than on Sunday. Like, I always at some point crave a Chick Fil A milkshake on Sundays. I am not a sweet-tooth person, and it’s always on that specific day of the week that I want it.

But also I work in a mall with a Chick Fil A in it, so I eat there plenty often. What I love is just how much of a well-oiled machine that fucking place is. They have people in line with tablets just taking your order before you even get to the counter. They’re always busy, and they always kill it regardless.

Wow Joey. Really funny that YOU of all people ask me this question.

So for everyone’s reference, Joey was kind of the one who talked me into coming to RTX. In truth, I’m going to Austin just to hangout with my super cool friend Jazz and be cool people with her, but I figured I’d be able to kill multiple birds with a single stone if I went the same weekend as RTX. Work a Greg Miller hug or two in there, hangout with Joey Noelle, in addition to a super chill weekend in a city I’ve wanted to visit for a while.

So I texted Joey this week asking if I should get a ticket to RTX out of concern of not having enough to do by myself in the city for the weekend while all my friends are off at RTX proper. I’m just not a big Rooster Teeth person... Like, never have been. So I just don’t know. In short, Joey said “I dunno” and then stopped responding, so I’m just gonna put her on blast here. (love you Joey <3)

But here is a reverse question to all you Sunday Chats viewers, for someone like me, not a huge RT person, should I attend RTX? Or is there definitely plenty to do and figure out in Austin proper, and hangout at the meet’n’greets in the evenings after?

Help!

Whoa there Danny.

Okay, so first I don’t know why we gotta label every goddamn food thing ever. Here is the deal: in my heart of hearts, a hotdog is kind of a sub. Just because the meat is round doesn’t suddenly fucking change all the rules. And yes you all, subs/hoagies are sandwiches. Stop telling yourself they aren’t. We gotta have some kind of family of products.

That being said, a hotdog can still be its own thing under the umbrella of subs/sandwiches. Like, just because we call it a sub or a sandwich, doesn’t make it any less special. Just like a burger is, ultimately, a fucking sandwich by definition, but it lives within its own family or preparation and customization. People get way to butthurt about this though. I’m just listing this off as logical technicalities. I really don’t care at the end of the day. When I ask for a hotdog, no one is gonna mistakenly hand me two slices of bologna on a hot dog bun.

Here is a totally devil’s advocate answer that takes things from a completely different, and also technical, perspective:

if there is a special shape/style/type of bread made for the thing, is it technically its own thing? Hambuger buns are hamburger buns. Hotdog buns are hotdog buns. Sub rolls are sub rolls. Sliced bread are sliced bread from a loaf. How does that shit make you feel?

If you go to sleep alive and then become dead, you don’t wake up dead. You die. You don’t wake up. Being awake, or “waking” in general implies life. How many fucking Kingdom Hearts games do you need to play to realize this Danny? If you die in your sleep you don’t “wake up dead”, you go to sleep, and then fucking die.

And on a scientific level, the “chicken” came first, but it would only technically be a chicken because it was likely biologically different, but it laid biologically correct chicken eggs, which would then hatch and become the chickens we know today. I didn’t fact-check this, but it’s what I recall from when it was last explained to me by someone far smarter than I.

These were fun questions Danny haha. <3

I’m always excited for a new Jackbox Party Pack, especially coming off of JPP3 which was for sure the best, but man could I not care any less about Fibbage anymore, because Quiplash is just up and down so much better a game. It’s more engaging, it’s got way more variance in response, and the rules are just better I think.

But I am really excited about a new JPP, especially if its just in time for ExtraLife.

Here is my deal. So I played Persona 3 first. I played Persona 3 FES on the PS2, which is THE VERSION to play. But it’s old. I understand the temptation to play Persona 3 Portable, especially on Vita, and especially because you can play as a female character, which is VERY exciting, but listen to me Devin... That is not the version to play. That is both not the canonical version, and also not the *best* version of the game. Get a PS3 or PS2 and play Persona 3 FES.

You can think of Persona 3 FES as the Golden version of Persona 3. It adds a new social link, a big epilogue chapter that adds essentially another 30 hour campaign after you beat the main game, and extends out the story. It’s the way to play that game.

But also know this: that game has not aged nearly as well. You cannot save as often. The game is a bit more repetitive. You cannot make a social link with any of your male party members. You have to romance any and all of the female social link options, there is no “just be friends” option. The game is very, very hard. There are no “direct control” tactical options for any party members, meaning you need to leave the work to the AI.

All of this being said, I fucking adore Persona 3 FES. It’s probably my third favorite game ever, behind Persona 4 and 5 (in some assorted order) and if you love Persona, you at least owe it to yourself to give it a shot.

Godspeed.

So for context, apparently some garbage character that we made fun of on The BrOC, my OC Rewatch podcast that I host with Jon Anderson and Tyler Treese, was in the same band that we also made fun of main character Seth Cohen for having. And that is REALLY, REAAAALLY funny.

Skadoosh.

Sometimes you just can’t make a day better. But my day is fine, all things considered. Just wish I got more sleep and didn’t have to be out for literally all of my day.

I miss you too, really sorry you’ll be too embarrassed to be seen in public after Greg Miller wrecks your whole shit this Friday.

So I guess the next event I’ll be at will be Kinda Funny Live 3, which I am very excited about. I’ll be spending a full week in San Francisco again, a city with a ton of friends and I actually enjoy spending time in.

After that I’ll be attending RTX in some capacity in July, but that’ll be more a “hangout with some specific friends” vacation type deal, or at least it is right now.

Haha, funny you bring this up, because my roommate was making them last night. I have never had them! They smelled good when she was cooking them up though, and they have cheese in them, so I’d probably be DTF.

I’ll tell you when I’m not completely dead inside.

No but really, I’m still playing Persona 5, now on NG+, so I’ll tell you when I’m there. Very satisfied with that game. Like I said before, it actually exceeded my expectations. And it’s essentially an amalgamation of themes and ideas I fucking love. Thieves? Anime? High school? Love? Drama?

Sign me the fuck up.

Haha, see above, I am truly and completely dead on the inside.

But no really, it’s weird. So here is a thought: in my head, I’ve always considered that Persona 5 would be the last Persona game. Like, after I initially played Persona 4, I for some reason thought there would definitely be a Persona 5, and never once doubted that there would be, but that’s it. That’s all I ever expected there would be. Obviously this is an absurd thought, considering that Persona 5 sold and I believe continues to sell incredibly well, so it’d be ludacris to think they’d just end the series here.

What I think is more likely though is that this composer/director/producer combination that has been around since Persona 3 will change if there is another one. So maybe this will be the last “Persona” in that it is the last made by this dream team. But hey, maybe not. It’s just this weird thought I’ve had. That same team has already announced they are making something else in the interim, another new IP, which makes total sense considering they made Catherine after Persona 4 was all said and done. I’m just excited right now for what that is.

Also, and don’t worry, no spoilers: I found the ending of Persona 5 to be very, very satisfying. Much like the Persona games I have played before it, they just tie it up pretty goddamn well.

Eh. It was alright. This was one of those weeks where I had Monday off and then was scheduled to work Tuesday-Sunday, and that’s just the worst feeling.

But I went and saw Fast 8 with a friend and got to catch up with said friend afterward, which was awesome.

Oh I have PLENTY.

Let me tell you about my favorite television genre, SUPERNATURAL TEENAGE DRAMA.

Teen Wolf? Fucking amazing. Kyle XY? My shit. The Secret Circle? Criminally cancelled after one season.

As for movies, I don’t watch a lot of movies, so it’d be difficult to point out any guilty pleasures.

Though I did just think of one. I am one of those folks who LOVES Little Nicky. And I know I’m probably objectively wrong. And I don’t care.

Also I occasionally watch anime, so if that doesn’t make you guilty than something must be wrong with you. 

So here is the related article, for reference:

https://www.gamespot.com/articles/denial-of-the-self-queer-characters-in-persona-4/1100-6404712/

So I haven’t really read the article. And it’s... Well, it’s a sensitive thing. Personally, I liked how Kanji and Naoto were handled, as people who overcame and found themselves where society told them the things they liked/gravitated toward was wrong. But, the massive caveat there is a I am a straight white dude who cannot begin to understand how these story arcs may effect players outside my very narrow, and very privileged spectrum. And it’s difficult for me to separate them.

I always try and be as empathetic and open to any forms of criticism or perspective beyond my own, but Persona 4 is one of those few instances where grunting criticism when I personally can’t see it because of my skewed perspective is exceptionally difficult. It’s very juvenile for me, I think, and it’s something I need to work on overcoming. Right now, especially coming off of Persona 5, I just am not in a place to consume this kind of criticism. But I am open to it, and I absolutely am not dismissive of it.

So in Persona 5, and minor/slight spoilers for Persona 5, there are eccentric characters that flirt with one of your male party members. They are two men, and I believe they are literally referred to as “Eccentric male” or something along those lines. They recur twice in the game, and they are supposed to be humorous and a lighthearted duo to be the butt of some possibly offensive joke. I’m pretty familiar with the very, very different imaginings and treatments of what we in the States would qualify as a queer character or character type, and Japan and Japanese culture, from what I understand, just sees these kinds of things so, so differently then us, that while weird to me, it isn’t off putting. Obviously I am terrible at talking about this, but my point being here, it didn’t bother me, straight white guy over here. 

That being said, it really bothered some other players. I saw this article shared specifically by Henry Gilbert. I also have not read it, but added it to my reading list:

http://www.avclub.com/article/how-persona-5-lets-down-its-gay-players-254102?utm_content=Main&utm_campaign=SF&utm_source=Twitter&utm_medium=SocialMarketing

My whole thing is this:

I am not someone with any authority to represent LGBTQ issues, even if I have some amount of an opinion on them on occasion, so to speak for a community that I am not a part of would be straight up wrong.

I am also not Japanese, nor was I born there, have been there, or have spent any time there. My exposure to Japanese culture in any ancillary fashion by no means makes me some expert on it, so it would also be wrong to speak for their culture in any way shape or form. I just know, on my interpretation of things, it seems very different there than it is here.

So with all of this being said: I really have no opinion. I don’t think things were handled poorly in Persona 4, personally, from my place of ignorance that I will soon hopefully correct when I am in a better headspace to do so, and I don’t think the things posed in Persona 5 were game-ruining by any means, but they also weren’t something at the forefront of my mind.

So uh... I hope that helps. I’m very bad at being PC, probably. Apologies if I offended anyone with any part of this. If I did, please let me know how I can better myself, my twitter handle is @ALFighter27.

Oh shit yeah. Make a check list. Also, if you’re me, DON’T FORGET YOUR BUSINESS CARDS AGAIN. Research the weather, because you should just bring the things you need and leave some room to bring some new things back with you.

It’s hard for me to give advice on this kind of thing since I always, always over pack. Unless I fucking forget my business cards. But I am one of those “i’d rather be over prepared than under prepared” and then have a massive duffle bag of too many clothes and a goddamn fan that I put right up against my face when I sleep and...

Anyway, bring good shoes, plenty of socks, make a checklist, underwear for every day plus one extra pair, and space left enough to bring cool stuff home.

Shoutout

So a special shoutout this week to my sweet, sweet boy Christian Puente. He made a video on Twitter, that you can watch... HERE:

https://twitter.com/PixelBrave/status/856229584454520833

In short, he asked for advice on a new run-attempt he is going to make on Persona 4 Golden, and I told him I’d reply in Sunday Chats form. Felt like a good time to get more detailed and specific with my answer and recommendations. 

If you didn’t know, Christian, or @PixelBrave makes some incredible videos for events he goes to, they really capture the emotion and love you see in the room there, and they have made me cry many times reliving the magic. Also, he does some talk-y videos, and you can see all these things... HERE:

https://www.youtube.com/user/PixelBrave

So down to the advice. Here are some things to keep in mind:

1. If you’re worried about how hard it is going to be and aren’t as into the combat, just do the thing on easy. No shame, the story doesn’t change whatsoever, and the game is still worth seeing. I LOVE the gameplay in Persona. It’s actually my favorite gameplay over any video game, but it speaks to me on a specific level. I think the challenge there is smart, balanced, and pretty hard, and if that is too much, just bump it down. No worries.

2. SAVE. STAGGERING. Much of Persona is based on time-management. If you stagger your saves and then really fuck something up, you can go back to a week or so prior to where you were before and re-do some things differently. It can really help if you’re worried about fucking up the true ending too. I usually run three staggered-out saves in JRPGs now, because of Persona. It’s helped in the past too! By the end of Persona 5 I had 5 staggered saves. It’s a pro-maneuever that can save your neck, for sure.

3. Just do what you want. Here is the deal: you will not do everything in the game on the first play through. It’s almost impossible. It isn’t but it’d be very hard to do without a guide, and you shouldn’t play this game with a guide I don’t think. Instead: do what you want. If you like a character a whole, just spend all your time with them. Fuck it, you have time to still do a whole lot, so don’t sweat the small stuff, and engage with the parts of the game and characters in the world you like the most. Don’t ever do something out of obligation. Except hangout with Marie. If you don’t like Marie, I don’t know what to tell you, but you should still finish her social link ASAP because... Well, I can’t say, but let’s say it’s 100% necessary.

4. This is gonna be a weird one, but I’ll say this: commit yourself to Persona. It is fucking long, and can be grueling at times if you get stuck on a dungeon or need to do some grinding, so making the time to get through those hard parts may help you get through it. I loved all that shit in Persona 4, so it’s weird for me to say it, but I know there are a ton of folks that just do not like the gameplay in the Persona games (because they’re fucking crazy) so if it’s a slog, get through it, and make time to just sink in. Once you’re IN, you won’t want to come out. I promise.

5. If it ends up not being for you: don’t sweat it. No game is for everyone, and even if I really want you to play it Christian, you’ll be able to live in a world without it. It’ll just be a significantly less-good world, with far less color.

Bonus #6. Don’t fucking worry about anyone else’s opinion, including my own, about romance-choice. Talk to the ladies you like, that’s all. Don’t listen to anyone who uses the phrase “Best Girl” because their opinion is probably worthless (#shade). There are no wrong choices.

I hope this helps. <3

This is literally all I have. It took me 2+ hours to write, what is MOST DEFINITELY the longest Sunday Chats ever. Sorry.

I’m going to bed now.

And I’ll leave you with this sentiment, a new one:

keep it real,

and.

take your time.