#but I am 90% sure it is intended seriously

[humanjeff]

what even is the message here

[striveattemptfail]

chaos, we so catostrophic | Logan Howlett & Wade Wilson, 1.1k, PG-13

@poolvertober: Day 17 – Cozy

Summary: Takes place immediately after Wade introduces Logan and Mary Puppins to Al. This is 100% dialogue and is more gen than slash but we all know the truth ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) TW: Rated for canon-typical violence, gun use, mentions of drugs/alcohol, language, and death of a nameless rat. Read on Ao3

A/N: I'm taking today's prompt real fast and loose here so please forgive me lmao. Title from Chk Chk Boom by Stray Kids because I'm still offended it wasn't included in the OST, smh 😑 Shout out to the wonderful Zay @comatose--overdose for the beta, idea throwing, and putting up with my ass (ಥ‿ಥ) All other mistakes are mine.

❤️💛❤️💛❤️💛❤️💛❤️💛

“It’s like an armadillo fucked a gremlin, angrily, and in a bed of gonorrhoea—”

“Wow.”

“—and didn’t stop ‘til the sun came up!”

“Whatever it is, I ain’t taking care of it.”

“Don’t worry about that. Besides, we should talk about how Logan is here to live with us!”

“No, I’m not...?”

“How the fuck are we supposed to keep a mangy dog and another whole-ass human being alive in this shithole apartment, Wade?”

“Gasp! How dare you call her mangy? She’s a princess and deserves to be treated like royalty!”

“And you want her to live in this cocaine-less den?”

“Did you just say ‘gasp’ out loud, bub?”

“The movie’s almost over, so I can probably hook you up with Doug’s forbidden baking powder soon. I’ll figure it out!”

“What about the entire man—”

“Ooh, that he is.”

“—that you intend to house in this one-bed, one-bath?”

“I’ll only be here until I can get on my feet, ma’am.”

“Nope, you’re staying here until you’re 90! Also, ‘ma’am’? Logan, I’m pretty sure you’re twice her age.”

“What the fuck?”

“Oh yeah, Logan’s the Wolverine and he’s, like, stupid old.”

“Fuck you.”

“...I thought Wolverine died?”

“This is a new one.”

“How the fuck did you get a fucking new one?”

“I’ll give you the abridged version of the movie later, after everybody settles in.”

“Wade! For fuck’s sake, I can hear you leaving—don’t you dare walk away from me!”

“Don’t you dare walk away from meeeee!”

“Singing Whitney doesn’t answer my question about how the hell we’re fitting three people and a dog in here!”

“We’ve got a pull-out—haha, pull out—in the living room and an XL twin in the bedroom.”

“My bedroom, Wade!”

“Bub, are you fuckin’ serious?”

“Hey, if the fanfics can make it work, then we’ll make it work!”

“I cannot believe this shit. This dumbass never listens to me.”

“Jesus fuckin’ christ. Althea?”

“Yes, Logan?”

“Ya got any booze around?”

“I think there’s beer in the fridge.”

“Booze? Already? It’s not even—Al, what time is it?”

“How the hell am I supposed to know?”

“Right, blind, can’t see the time.”

“If that wall clock’s right, it’s 3:14, bub.”

“It’s not even 4pm and you’re already drinking?!”

“If I have to put up with your hairless-brained bullshit, yes, I am.”

“I’d be more offended at that joke but I’m honestly impressed, pookie.”

“Seriously? For calling you bald?”

“His standards are in hell used as Satan’s spreader bar where he should’ve gone instead of rooming with me.”

“Hey!”

“Pfft!”

“Unbelievable, I can’t believe—oh, no! No no no no, Lady Leprosy With Legs, don’t nap in that! That’s where Daddy keeps his knives.”

“That’s what I’m trying to talk about, Wade! Where the hell is everyone supposed to sleep?”

“You and I can bunk together like we used to, Al. Logan can take the pull-out.”

“Oh, friggin’ hell—no. You and I will share that damn couch and Althea can keep her bed.”

“Thank you, Logan.”

“Aw, you’re so sweet, sugar tits!”

“Now, what about the dog?”

“She’ll get a dog bed, duh.”

“What? D’ya just have a dog bed lying around somewhere?”

“I do, actually! But where did I put that thing?”

“Are you serious?”

“Convenient, huh! I found it in Al’s shit when we moved in together and decided to keep it. I’m guessing the author got too lazy trying to figure out a better way to include it in this fic.”

“...He just says shit sometimes. Don’t mind him, Logan.”

“I’m well aware. You’re a weirdo, bub.”

“Thank you! I’ll take that as a compliment. Now, if I remember right—SHIT!!!”

“What?!”

“The fuck’s happening?!”

“Ah, shit, fuck! There’s a rat!”

“A RAT?!”

“Althea, where did you get that gun—put it down!”

“POINT ME TO THE FUCKING RAT!”

“Al, put the fucking gun down!”

“GET RID OF THE RAT FIRST!”

“Arf!”

“Mary, don’t touch that thing!”

“Fuckin’ hell, bub, grab Mary while I—”

BANG!

“AL, FOR CHRIST’S SAKE—”

“Arf-arf! Rrrrruff!”

“WADE, GRAB THE GODDAMN DOG!”

“NO, GET THE FUCKING RAT FIRST!”

“Mary—!”

BANG!

“AH!!!”

“Althea!”

“Jack Kirby’s giant ballsack!”

“Did I get it?!”

“Fuck no! You hit me, you empty-eyed, shit-for-aim walking corpse!”

“Rrrrrrafff!”

“Logan, keep her from shooting this way!”

“Just let me aim for the fucking rat!”

“Althea, please just hand me—”

“Get your goddamn hands off my glock!”

“Then stop shooting!”

“Mary, wait—!”

BANG!

“Rrrrrragghhh!”

“Ho. ly. shit.”

“What the fuck happened? Did I get it? Is it dead?!”

“You’re such a good girl, yes, you are!”

“He better not be talking to me, I swear to god.”

“Little miss angel face here just caught our uninvited guest!”

“Grrrrrr.”

“Wade, get that thing out of her mouth before it catches rabies from her.”

“Wow, rude, she doesn’t have rabies! Also, I’m pretty sure it’s already dead. She’s got no teeth but a hell of a bite, don’t you, my lovely bundle of herpes and joy?”

“Just get the fucking thing out of here!”

“Ugh, fine, jeez louise—come here, girl. You did such a good job, yes you did! Thank you for killing that thing! Now, let’s go toss it out.”

“The dog caught the rat?”

“Yeah, she did.”

“Well...I guess it can stay then.”

“Really? The dog’s already in your good graces?”

“You’re the one who tried grabbing my gun.”

“Because you were shooting everywhere!”

“And now you’re arguing with me!”

“...My apologies, ma’am. Won’t happen again.”

“Just keep your word and it’s alright.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Alrighty! Time to go look for that bed again.”

“Anybody want a beer?”

“Can you grab me one, Logan?”

“You already finished that whole can?!”

“‘Course I did. All that shit gave me headache.”

“Welcome to a day in the life of Deadpool and Blind Al, peanut!”

“I did this to myself. I chose to come here. How the fuck did that happen?”

“I wonder the same damn thing all the time.”

“Your beer.”

“Thank you, baby.”

“I can’t believe it’s been less than five minutes and both of you are already ganging up on me!”

“S’not hard to.”

“My Wolvie is so mean! Aha, here it is! I knew I still had the old thing. Here you go, my fearless guard dog.”

“It was a rat, not an intruder, Wade.”

“She protected the house and killed that pest. She’s practically a guardian angel!”

“Eh, good enough for me.”

“See, Al gets it!”

“I still ain’t looking after that thing.”

“That’s fine. Logan and I will!”

“I did not sign up for that.”

“You did when you agreed to crash with me!”

“Is he always like this, Althea?”

“Oh, you have no idea.”

“Make yourself cozy, Logan, because it only gets better from here!”

“God help me.”

“God help us all.”

“Arf!”

[leemillion]

CALLING ALL PRESTON GOODPLAY LOVERS (aka me)

IM MAKING A PLAYLIST

FOR THE ONE AN ONLY 😌

AND I NEED SONGS THAT REMIND YOU OF HIM. WHETHER THAT BE DIFFERENT STAGES OF HIS LIFE (canon or headcanon) OR YKNOW JUST WHATEVER GIVES YOU THE ✨VIBES✨

I’D LOVE SOME OUTSIDE OPINIONS ON THIS

HERE’S THE SONGS I ALREADY HAVE IN ORDER:

Introduction to the Snow - Miracle Musical (gives me the ✨vibes✨)

Look Who’s Inside Again - Bo Burnham (Think it would describe his childhood. At least a part of it)

Am I Supposed To Apologize? - Maria Mena (It’s %90 percent here because of a few short lyrics that would imply him discovering his love of theater. The other %10 is because I have a headcanon he’s a child of divorce parents.)

My Play - AJR (C’mon man it seems pretty self explanatory if you’ve listened to it. Plus it adds onto the divorced parents theory)

The Main Character - Will Wood (It’s literally him. C’mon man. The vibes. Also you cannot tell me he wouldn’t be a huge Will Wood fan.)

Hard to Be the Bard - Something Rotten! (He’s a writer✨ An artist✨ It can’t possibly be easy 😔)

Soldier, Poet, King - The Oh Hellos (Now this one is more the Performance Trio as a whole but still. Preston is the poet, obviously 😌 while Nerris is the soldier and Harrison is the ruler.)

I/Me/Myself - Will Wood (Because he's just so ✨gender✨ Plus if you headcanon him as gender-fluid it makes this even better.)

Oh No! - Marina & The Diamonds (A desire to succeed. To make it big in this world. He knows what he wants and he won’t stop at nothing to get it. He definitely has a fear of failure. And who’s to say he doesn’t feel like he’s the worst? He already acts like he’s the best. Who’s to say that’s not a cover up?)

Everybody Loves Me - OneRepublic (Consider this the beginning of Preston Goodplay’s Good Play. He finally has a performance piece that people seem to like. He’s finally getting the love and attention he so deserves 😌 But at what cost?)

Non-Stop - Hamilton (Turns out his new performance is the only thing people seem to want. So why not just keep writing up new ideas for it? Sure he’ll eventually run out. But right now’s not eventually! He’ll just have to keep coming up with new ideas for it! Thing is it’s getting a lot more stressful than he intended.)

Left Brain, Right Brain - Bo Burnham (Oh Y’know just that one scene where he’s arguing with his own fucking reflection. Unsure whether he should sell out and give the people what they want, or follow what he wants with the risk that no one would like it.)

Show & Tell - Melanie Martínez (Ok this is getting ridiculous. They’ve started showing up to his practices and commenting on HIS writing process. It’s overwhelming. But what can he do about it? They’re his target audience. Well his only audience but still-)

Everyone is Dumb - Mazie x Everybody Likes You - Lemon Demon (Seems self explanatory. Everyone actually pays attention to him now. They’re excited for his performances. Everyone likes him. But they’re also stupid. It’s a stupidly simple performance that’s virtually the same every time. Yet they never get tired of it. Yes they like him, but is it worth it if this is the reason they like him.)

Shine A Light (Reprise) - Heathers (Oh y’know just the silly little nightmare he has :,D And then the hallucinations of his own reflection laughing at him. Plus him pulling out that prop knife uh- was he just being dramatic or??? Like he did have a bit of a psychotic break, man’s was hallucinating. How do we know he didn’t think the knife was real? Like was he actually trying to- y’know? Seriously is he ok-??)

Are You Satisfied - Marina & The Diamonds (He talks to David for a bit. And something’s called to question. Is he satisfied with this? He’s worried about his future yes, but then again what’s the point of making art if he doesn’t actually like it himself. It’s pointless. And he realizes no one else should get a say in what he wants to create. It’s his problem. No one else’s.)

Drama Club - Melanie Martinez (Honestly just doesn’t give a shit about anyone’s opinions anymore and that’s kind of a good thing. Even if they hate it. “Any reaction, positive or negative, is still a reaction :D” As tomatoes are pelted towards him. Honestly a healthier mentality than he had before. And I think that’s the end of the Preston Goodplay’s Good Play section of the playlist!)

Recess - Melanie Martinez (I’m here for Preston’s grandmother raising him and teaching him everything she knows 🗣️🗣️🗣️ Stg every lyric fucking fits. Also I think this could apply to his new mentality of “Fuck you it’s my art not yours I do what I want.” A nice little summary to the fiasco that is Preston Goodplay’s Good play.)

Mirror Man - Jack Stauber’s Opal (Mostly just gives me Preston vibes. His desire to become famous and what not.)

Art Is Dead - Bo Burnham (Vibesss man. “I am an artist, please god forgive me. I am an artist, please don't revere me. I am an artist, please don't respect me I am an artist, you're free to correct me. A self-centered artist. Self-obsessed artist. I am an artist. I am an artist. But I'm just a kid. I'm just a kid. I'm just a kid, kid. And maybe I'II grow out of it”)

Finale (Can’t Wait To See What You Do Next) - AJR (Honestly just thought it’d be cool to have the last song in the playlist be called Finale 💀 But I think it’s a nice little summary of his character. A final bow if you will 😌)

Anyways that’s about it. If anyone else has suggestions or input on the songs already here feel free to! Hell if you happen to disagree with anything feel free to. I love discussions about things I like :D Also feel free to suggest songs that you think I should add 😌 Gonna go pass out now baiiii

[flowersandbirdsflyingfree]

HI HELLO so is it ok if i get a postal dude matchup? if so, let me yap about myself!

i'm non binary with short, black hair. i'm about as short as my hair (a staggering 5'1) and have a fairly average body type, but i do have a lot of dysphoria and insecurity about it.

i am a big fan of crude humor and whip up a joke every other sentence. i dress very eccentrically, my main influences being rivetheads, drag queens, mall goths of the 90's (but specifically the ones who wear pvc/latex-esque fabrics), and. uh. fetish wear. and 90's trent reznor encapsulates the androgyny i want, so of course i copy him. you can't not look at him and go, "i wish i looked like that". i'm very proud of how i dress.

i'm a beginner musician who is learning bass and guitar, and plans to learn on an electronic drum set once they get one. for now, i just use every surface but a drum. i am very pleasant to be around, for sure. my biggest strength is vocals. i'm a huge fan of industrial, like NIN (as evident by the fact i cannot shut up about trent reznor), KMFDM, Throbbing Gristle, etc. I also enjoy David Bowie, both musically and aesthetically, and am a fan of Tyler, The Creator. Y'know. Because I am the least obnoxious one (/j).

i want a partner who is understanding and patient with me, as i have tendencies to not exactly be the most trustful person. obviously, i don't expect them to cure me, but i do want someone to help make it an easier process to get better.

i think i'm a very intellectual person, i'm just lazy and airheaded sometimes. i am praying to have someone who i can make jokes about it with instead of someone who gets genuinely mad. i cannot stand people who get genuinely mad over little things.

as horrendous as i am describing myself now, i do like myself and try my best to be a good person. now, as i'm sure every single dude option will be an enabler in some form, feel free to ignore this.

back to a much more lighthearted subject, i'm a massive fan of films. john waters (any of his works), rocky horror, and the first hellraiser film are my holy trinity. if i'm watching anything, i will WATCH it. i'm a bit of a movie snob. i like horror if it's actually good. or absolutely horrendous. i will watch bad, bad quality movies on purpose, whether the creators intended it to be bad or not. i'm a big fan of satirical comedies. this semi-mean-spirited enjoyment of making fun of people is sure to be compatible with at least one dude.

oh, and also, i need someone who also hates foot stuff. i cannot stand foot stuff. shoe stuff is fine. but no foot stuff.

Oh no, all of the Dudes are enablers of bad behavior in some way. I might add some fluffy stuff because it’s a matchup and I want to build you up. But I try to keep it as real as I can. That being said, I match you with:

Postal 2 Dude

This fucker is mean and will kinkshame anyone unsolicited. He’s a kinky guy, but 0 foot stuff. Only thing his foot will do is kick ass! Had to make this clear first

Everyone in town is super cookie cutter. So the moment he laid eyes on you, you had his full attention. And he totally digs the way you look.

If you’re gonna fall for the Dude, you have to have a sense of humor. His sense of humor. And you get his crass, misanthropic humor. It’s just how he gets through the day. He vibes with you not taking life so seriously

He likes some industrial music like Nine Inch Nails, Acumen Nation, Ministry, Dope/Pigface, etc. Oh but when he sees you perform, he would have fucking heart eyes hiding behind the shield of his dark shades.

Because Dude often has the same problems you do, he has gained the understanding and patience you need. Sure, he has a short temper normally. And he is far from perfect himself. But he can owe up to when he does wrong. He actually fucking tries to make an effort for you. Love is an action, not chasing a feeling. This is the man who will give his partner action no matter what, good times and bad times.

When it comes to movies, The Dude likes angsty action dramas, intense horror films or Jackass-adjacent comedies. He’ll be more than happy to make some Jiffy Pop in the trailer and binge watch tons of films together. Out of your favorite trilogy, I think he’d enjoy Hellraiser the most. Oh and he would fucking love quoting Pink Flamingos

[engagemachine]

Been seeing a lot of discourse about dark Romance books and how it’s wrong to read or write it. And it’s so discouraging for me. Because I love to read and write it. What’s your opinion on dark romance? Do you think fiction is a safe space to explore Dark topics or does it effect reality too much for it to be safe? Love your writing and blog btw

Anon, I am truly so, so sorry to hear that you have been seeing a lot of discourse about 'dark' romance and why it's wrong to enjoy it. That genuinely breaks my heart. Too often I see these arguments crop up online about why dark fiction is so "problematic", and more often than not, absolutely none of the points being argued have so much as a leg to stand on. It's honestly pathetic, especially as their tactics lean more towards shaming others as opposed to creating a compelling or even literate debate. These are usually the same type of people who would argue that video games cause violence, and who accused rock music of being "satanic" back in the 90s.

The reality is that people have always been violent -- throughout all periods of history -- and people always will be violent. There is simply no correlation between one thing and the other. Can video games inspire violence? Sure. Can rock music inspire 'devil worship'? Certainly. But for the vast majority of people who seek to enjoy these things, that is simply not the case.

I will try to keep this brief as I honestly hate dredging up this topic and it brings me back to what was, essentially, a very dark period of time, both emotionally and in terms of what I was feeling towards my own writing, but many of you know that there were several users here on Tumblr (chiefly one in particular, who is no longer here) who had made it her personal mission to publicly berate me/my writings for my "glamorization of CSA". In response, I wrote an extensive post about the topic, which you can read here. Seriously, please read this, because it's important for you to know the difference between depiction and glamorization, and I'm not going to discuss that in this particular ask.

During that time, I received numerous 'anonymous' threats, messages telling me to kill myself, that I was a horrible person, that Heath Ledger and Christopher Nolan would be ashamed of me (lol) and that I was -- to phrase it in a nicer way than they did -- a piece of shit.

(Also, and this is kind of irrelevant, even though it's the first time I've spoken about it publicly: but I will also add that, one of the main reasons why this Tumblr user in question launched this public crusade against me in the first place was so that she could effectively turn readers away from my writing in an effort to shield people from the fact that she was blatantly plagiarizing my work to pad her own 'writing'. Which is absolute clown behavior on all fronts. Full stop.)

Anyway. These hateful threats from these 'anonymous' users thankfully did not have their intended affect -- that is so to say, there is nothing that anyone could ever say or do that would me stop writing -- however, I was briefly cowed into thoughts of submission, that maybe I should attempt to "dial back" my writing in favor or appealing to a wider or more general audience. I am ashamed to admit that elements of Burn were sped up that I am still grappling with -- in essence, Taylor's eighteenth birthday arriving much sooner within the narrative than I actually wanted it to -- simply so that Taylor would not be underaged during the consummation of her relationship with the Joker. Sometimes I think if I had the patience to go back and change things, I would, but I am far too invested in seeing the story forward at this point to want to make any major changes with the timeline. Also, if you'll read the above post that I linked, you'll see why Taylor's age is rather arbitrary in regards to her 'consent' anyway. That's a point I will argue to the grave.

I feel that so much of my own writing over the years has been censored (by my own hand) because I was often too afraid to "take it there" or go too dark for fear it would scare off readers. It wasn't until I wrote JK that I actually did "take it there" and go as dark as I really wanted, and I truly believe my writing blossomed because of it. It's worth noting that JK was the first time I'd ever looked at my writing and been incredibly proud of it, proud at how unflinchingly honest I was. That story bares my fucking soul. Sharing it, at the time, was one of the most vulnerable things I'd ever done.

To have that vulnerability challenged -- and even mocked, to some extent, by the crusade (read: toddler tirade) launched here against me on Tumblr -- felt not at all dissimilar to a knife to the gut.

I think one of the main reasons why people crusade against 'dark' fiction is because it makes them uncomfortable -- and, to a certain degree, it should make you uncomfortable. Not all writing is going to be rainbows and roses. Good, compelling writing should challenge the way you think, challenge the way perceive the world, make you question the things you thought you knew, etc.

Fiction thrives only because there is some form of conflict within the narrative: without conflict, you are stripped of the elements that make up a story. These efforts being made to "purify" fiction by ridding it of any elements that have been deemed "problematic" essentially strip a story of the very aspects that make it a story in the first place!

On a more personal note, I want to say something to you that I desperately wish someone would have said to me when I was a young teen nervously wishing she could write the things she wanted to write, someone who wished she did not feel such intense guilt for reading the things I used to read:

it is absolutely OK to like dark fiction. It is fine to want to read it, write it, praise it, be enthusiastic about it, talk about it, etc. Your feelings, desires, fantasies, are VALID.

I absolutely DO believe fiction is a safe space (perhaps the ONE safe space) where more 'taboo' subjects can be safely explored. Please don't ever let anyone discourage you from writing the story you feel needs to be told. Don't let anyone discourage you from holding back. Take comfort in the beautiful, kind person that I am sure that you are.

The people I have found within the 'darkfic' community have been some of the loveliest and kindest people I have ever met. I think there's a reason such sweet and oftentimes very soft individuals gravitate towards this kind of fiction, and I have seen my theory proven time and time again by the sheer volume of readers who have come to me with personal anecdotes about their own life experiences and why dark fiction is often so very therapeutic for them.

I would also like to stress that there is NEVER any justification necessary for why you like the things you do. You owe no one an explanation. Sometimes, I think, even as the reader, you don't know WHY you like the things you do, and that's perfectly okay! It doesn't make you a bad person. I believe I can speak for the vast majority of my readers when I say none of us would ever want to see the things that play out in dark fiction to actually happen in real life. Wanting to see something in fiction is not the same thing as advocating for it or wishing for it in real life.

I could honestly talk about this topic for hours. I genuinely feel so passionate about it, and it makes me deeply upset to know that so many readers/writers have been discouraged from engaging in fiction they should have the freedom to enjoy, simply because they have been shamed for partaking in it.

Please check out my purity culture tag, which sums up a lot of my thoughts in a manner much more concise than what I have written here.

Final thoughts: I just wanted to say thank you to anyone and everyone who has ever supported me/my writings, especially if you were present while I was bullied and plagiarized. Your support means the absolute world to me, especially when feelings of doubt creep in (because they still do) and the small part of me that wants to succumb to the hateful comments. Your kind words and your encouragement is truly the buoy that keeps me afloat.

To the anon who wrote this, I love you so much and please know you've got a huge community of people who will support you/your writings should you ever decide to publish them. All my love.

[explanationpoint]

i miss the joy of asks and thought maybe you did too- so what’s your current favorite piece of media? what’s a hobby that you could talk about for hours? how are you doing personally?

I wish I could give a good answer on my current favorite piece of media. Maybe adventure time? Possibly Trick ‘r Treat (2007)? I showed it to some friends and they loved it, which was awesome. Embarrassingly, I keep finding myself listening to the new Drake album. That man is a train wreck and it is hard to look away. the music is pretty here and there frankly but I laughed a lot.

I have a few hobbies, and I could talk about all of them. But I write rap songs and whenever people like to listen, I’ll tell them stories about rappers and artists from the past. Did you know MC Hammer had shooters? Like you really really did not wanna diss MC Hammer in the 90s. A lot of rappers didn’t like him because they thought he was too poppy (and he is) but they sure didn’t wanna say his name. and hip hop and further, music is just full of outrageous stories or interesting artistic things to talk about and I could do it forever. But I’m also in a media-related class again, learning more about photos and filmmaking and I could easily talk about all that for just as long. Sometimes I feel like I talk too much, I’m trying to listen more.

And wowww I have been up and down. I moved home. I didn’t really want to move home. I broke up. I’m not sure I would have broken up if I didn’t have to move home. But I think the breaking up was for the best, even though it’s been difficult with being *that kind* of alone after four years of being in love (like the “I am seriously trying to spend the rest of my life with this person” kind of love). it’s a pretty big adjustment. i’ve had a series of weird, intense, totally unrequited crushes. my feelings are super intense. it might have something to do with my body going through a second puberty lol. despite all that i intend on taking things slowly if i get involved with anyone. i know that i can’t rely on a relationship to save me or make my life make sense. i have to do better for myself. and i have sort of, and some things are really better and less stressful. my parents aren’t exactly okay with me being trans (love you mom!) but they aren’t kicking me out or flushing my meds. Which is great! But it gets pretty hard sometimes.

I’m loving school. It’s an easy avenue to make new friends (i’ve got a few now, if you can believe it), and this is the first time I’ve been studying something artsy and I’m finding it very satisfying. I feel like I’m learning a lot, mostly about how to manifest my ideas, and I guess it’s making me more confident that I’m capable of making things that are like, good. it’s sort of always been a struggle to believe I deserved good things or that I could do good things. a lot of people in my adult life have tried to tell me that I was capable and could make my way in the world with my creativity/art stuff. and i guess burning out as hard as i have (i am unemployed and have a masters degree. it isn’t in art stuff. or stuff that easily makes money. i’m kind of a dummy) but it’s sort of given me a second chance. the school I’m at right now is very cheap compared to what i did before and i feel like i’m getting a lot more out of it. i know way more about photography and photoshop than I did a month or two ago and it’s nice to have another way to express and let the ideas flow.

i hope i don’t sound too conceited about my stuff, because well. i’m actually super critical about all of it. and myself. and every mistake i’ve made in my life and how i got here etc etc etc. But there’s no point in just rolling around in my self-loathing. I have to keep moving, finally be a person. Nobody is coming to make it easier. I have to do better. And I can’t pretend to be something I’m not, in more ways than one. none of its easy but all of it’s living, and it’s what I need to do. because trust me, i’ve considered the other options. if that’s not too dark. at least i have some excuses for the arrested development. and thank you for asking. i also miss the joy of asks! it’s lovely to think that someone is out there looking at my little rants and thinking about me and my life. i’m sorry if my prose is a little robotic. sometimes my words just flow off the top and sometimes i gotta break them out of the firmament. but really, thank you

[darkempress86]

I have nowhere else to talk about this, so I'll talk about it here.

A couple weeks ago, I met a really sweet guy on a dating site. We haven't met in person, but we had audio and video calls, and he's seriously the sweetest. Unfortunately, he went to jail on Tuesday. Weed related charges because that shit is stupidly still illegal in my state (plus I ran a background check on him to make sure he was being honest, and he was) So he went to court and got sentenced to 90 days. He'll be in jail until December 18th, if my math is correct. And I've developed feelings for him so fast, it made my head spin. And I know he's developed feelings for me too, because he's been calling me every day from jail, and those assholes charge 50 cents per minute. But he hasn't called me today, and I feel so sad because of it. I don't know if he's already spent all of his phone money, or if something happened to him, or if they've moved him to the minimum security facility for non-violent offenders like he said they were going to do.

I don't know how I fall for people so fast. But I mean, it's not like I'll fall for anybody. I've talked to so many men over the past month, and I've liked only 3 of them. The rest either have a one track mind, or they want to exchange numbers right away, or they're just boring as fuck. But not him. He's never been nasty, he's done nothing but compliment me and be honest with me, and he's fucking. Calling me fom jail, which costs money, like...? He wouldn't do that if he didn't have feelings for me. Ugh. I didn't intend for this to happen, I really didn't. I just signed up for dating sites because I was lonely and wanted someone to talk to, and now I've met what, at first glance, seems like the man of my dreams. And he's in fucking jail until December, over marijuana!!!! 🤬 Goddammit. My heart hurts for him. This state is so fucking stupid.

Also, how funny is it that my ex is in jail for threatening me and holding me hostage and here I am falling for another man who's in jail 🙃

[xoxolifewithdoriann]

Spend the day with me mentally!

The random thought's that I have through the day... they time stamped and dated

Friday 04/19/24-Breakfast would've been great today... why didn't i stop because i def had time to grab me something from Bo. A good ole Cajun spicy chicken biscuit with grape and strawberry jelly. And those Bo Rounds !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! whew yes with hot sauce and ketchup on them. Some apple juice and I would've been AMAZING lol. But I will survive to lunch. Orrrrr maybe go run and get me some on my 1st break... decisions decisions decisions..

Lunch... what do I want for lunch. If I eat anything it has to be a salad, but from where??? is the biggest question. am i feeling golden c today??? or do I want one of my small salads from wally, hmmm publix... naw I dont want to spend that lol BUGETTING

I don't want anything "bad" chickfila would be amazing but that's not an option when I am at work

so what will it be for lunch today? wait so does that mean I am not going to bo? .

Knocked that production time line together rather quickly, I am proud of myself. For doing it and for the fact I have a solid template of a production timeline

I am loving the backdrop today for work, it's a coffee shop out by the lake, and I am listening to Christian coffee shop music, which is helping me vibe out at work and do multiple things.

Thursday 04/25/24 - 8:30am currently at work | today God has really been speaking to me. I left work later than intended because I knew i needed to stop and get gas before heading to work. and I like a certain drive to work to help me prepare for the day. so when i noticed the time i was like okay we are going to be late today... and that's okay. so i got up got dressed as quickly as possible and got out the door. i got gas not too far from my house on my route that i take to work. i stopped got my gas and then proceeded to work. Y'ALL as i go tot he light for work i looked at the time and noticed that i was going to be right on time. Y'all I have to be to work at 8:00am, I clocked in at 7:59am. I didn't begin my commute to work until 7:3_(something) but my commute is ummmm, one roads and etc. so get behind someone slow and yea you can kiss that nice smooth easy flowing drive good bye for sure lol. but back to this, y'all when i turned on that street i just broke out into a praise because that was no one but God that made that happen for me. because he knew that i wanted to be on time today. that was the one thing i was looking to do was be on time 90% of this week ( i say 90 to give myself grace some mornings). So to make it on time with my route and being behind lots of peoples, and i wasn't speeding and i made it on time was nothing but GOD. {I Thank the Master, I Thank the Savior, I Thank GOD 🙌🏾}

that was him continuing to show me that this time is perfect in my life and his way is better in my life. no matter how much i think i am late in life (because i do tend to have moments of thoughts like that just to be honest) that he shows me NOPE Daughter you are absolutely on time! Stop thinking you are late, i am the Father of time. Time is controlled by me say's God when you accept that you can not rush, dictate or NOTHING that pertains to time and my perfect time you will walk these seasons much easier and smoother say's the Father. So a awesome Daddy to speak and give help and solution all while covering me.

The Message Bible Ecclesiastes 3:11

11 True, God made everything beautiful in itself and in its time - but he's left us in the dark, so we can never know what God is up to, whether he's coming or going.

The Message Bible Jeremiah 29:11

11 I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out - plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.

The Message Bible Proverbs 16:19

9 We plan the way we want to live, but only God makes us able to live it. It Pays to Take Life Seriously

NOW! What to eat for lunch is the new golden question??????? I am seriously thinking about some Publix chicken, but then I also want a salad and I am on a super tight budget so not sure if this will be a both day lol just being real. So hmmmm let's really think about this in depth, because I have been wanting some fried chicken since the sunday that just passed. but sometimes the one by my job makes me angry so maybe after work. so salad for lunch it is, funny how the thing i need is the thing that won lol, i mean i wanted one but i wanted that chicken more lol.

but WAIT, i am going to walmart for my salad and they have good wings to me, thinking i may want to grab me about 3, hmmm what do we think about that?

also what am i doing with this hair??? I wanna try a twist out, so I think i will wash it tomorrow and then twist it sat at some point. I am ready for straight hair again, trying to hold out until i color it, because yep I am ready to color again, it's time for the change with the changing of season of life and feeling like NOW I am becoming ME, and emerging out the cocoon. So the hair must shift too lol, I need it. But in the mean time between time before that process happens what's the styles lol. its crazy how i really don't like doing my own hair anymore at all. i mean if i could have someone do it all the time i would be so happy.

one thing for sure, i am going to grab me a snack on this first break because ummm... the load is pilling up today and i need some energy. not sure who said i wanted to... never mind okay see y'all later.

xoxo doriann l johnson 💜💎🦋

[ufonaut]

So I’ve just started reading All-Star Squadron because it’s on my reading list… and it sure is something. Maybe it’s because I am not American, but I am mind-boggled at the setting and subject treatment of the story. Curious for your opinion on it

hi! i'm not american either (or british, for that matter) and i don't really know what you mean? if you could elaborate a little i'd be more than happy to discuss this at length because god knows i could talk about the jsa all day long every day but as of now, i'm happy to say i love all-star squadron!

i'm not the biggest fan of roy thomas' writing style, i think it tends towards purple prose a little too much for my taste despite the fact that he was a strong advocate of scripting marvel style and the frequent use of quotes takes me out of the story more often than not but his characterisation is great, his ideas are good, and at one point in time his work served as the single most valuable historical artifact any jsa fan could hope for. that is to say, in tone and content, roy's work is sincerely true to the gang's golden age stories about 90% of the time -- squadron is an adaptation of all-star comics 1940 before it is anything else and it was intended as such in lieu of easily accessible 40s comics like we've got nowadays. like any adaptation, things get lost in translation but it's a mostly accurate one and even if he's coming from the perspective of a fanboy (a straight white fanboy, at that) roy's respect and love for those old comics is undeniable -- he grew up with them after all!

as i've often stated, roy thomas is at his best as a historian (and i seriously consider the all-star companion vols 1-4 mandatory reading -- i can provide links!) but all-star squadron is without a doubt the best of his fiction work. that being said, i'm very curious to hear your thoughts and what prompted this, any and all criticism welcome!

[kokocharm]

This post is about my OC Montserrat- short, Mont. This post will go over their backstory, the AUs they are prominent in, details, relationships and more. It is recommended you scroll.

INTRODUCTION

Montserrat gets their name from the font Montserrat- it is also the font they speak in. They are transfem, nonbinary and lesbian, and strictly use femme terms and they/them pronouns.

Originally, Mont started as an oc-insert for the Handplates AU created by zarla. I've since heavily deviated from that story, though you will most certainly be able to see the resemblence. Handplates was a huge AU Fixation for me when Fallen Deep first began, so.. sorry, Zarla XD

Mont's first appearance was in a roleplay called Fallen Deep, originally as a side character. They made their debut when the two main characters, Max and Alberto, accidentally entered Gaster's old lab. They were nearly incomprehensible (and I quote, "Hiiiiya! M'names Mont. Who're ya? Aint seen nobod' down in the labs since liiiikee..... real long time ago.") Horrifying, truly. They spoke with a lot of 70s-90s lingo and abbreviated words, as their ability to talk in emoticons and text abbreviations has been a long-running joke through all of their dialogue. This calms down signicantly in later appearances.

While they are usually a silly jokester who will brutally shatter the fourth wall with a crowbar by either looking at the audience or even mentioning the authors by name ("By the way, Denzel, I've killed you two times. You're only here now thanks to Mel.") Mont does have their downward spirals. Their official diagnosis is bipolar disorder, BPD, and- unsurprisingly- C-PTSD. (Disclaimer that I've done a fair amount of research on both of these disorders and I am medically recognized with PTSD.) Both manic and depressive episodes are shown in multiple AUs, often worsened by a trigger.

STORY

As stated before, this all started because I was fixated on Handplates. Since then, much has changed, and I really do suggest you go read Handplates! It's a beautiful story with gorgeous artwork :3 this is not meant to be a copy of that AU (though with the way the fandom is sometimes, I wouldn't be surprised) and I hope these can be read seperately (Read: Fallen Deep)

TRIGGER WARNING: childhood abuse, medical experimentation, dehumanization, suicide

When the monsters were first locked in the underground, the head scientist was devasted. Who wouldn't be? The barrier was in place- there was surely no escape.

W.D Gaster was a genius, though. He is well aware of this fact. He's the head scientist, for crying out loud! This will not phase him. He will find a way out of this cavern no matter what it takes, and that is an oath he took very seriously.

While he couldn't begin his research immediately, Gaster did find some things about the barrier that would stick with monsterkind long after his forgotten demise. The CORE was his brilliant worksmanship, but a mere side project in his long-term goal.

When all monsters were finally settled down and Gaster had a place to do his work, he did. He begun as soon as he could, at least seven years after being locked underground. He discovers the key to what might be monsterkind's freedom; energy unrecognized by the human mage's own magic.

Think about it. The skeleton race had long since died out- it was a miracle Gaster was even here. If there were other skeletons around the globe, then he sure didn't know them. Gaster knew of some place that many didn't: the Void. The Void was hardly even rumored to be a real place, let alone something Gaster could use. But if it freed monsterkind, it freed monsterkind. He'd have to try.

And.. if he failed (which was undocumented, virutally impossible.)... there were always the other scientists.

And with a bit of messing around, maybe an explosion and power outage here and there.. he suddenly now finds himself with three skeletons. Whoopsie dasies, that was not what he had been intending to do. um. shit. He had been trying to harness the Void, not parenthood! Good grief, the universe got that mixed up.

Well, he wasn't too keen on just dropping these three off somewhere in Waterfall and calling it a day. He had to remind himself that in science, especially such as unpredictable as the Void, he should make use of his resources.

Actually.. maybe this was the missing piece. Of course he wouldn't be able to use the Void with a mere object- the Void did not work like that. The Void was a connection. Maybe he just needed to connect it to something else... like a living organism. He'd figure out how to explain THAT one to King Asgore later.

The three skeletons were deemed as 1, 2 and 3 by their creator. 1 was the biggest, uncomfortably resembling Gaster himself. 2 and 3 were, unfortunately, twins, and uncomfortably resembled Gaster's old spouse. Especially the smallest and weakest, number 3. Gaster wasn't even sure whether it'd survive or not for the first week or two as he gave their bodies time to sturdy themselves.

Oh how he wished he had let the third one perish. (From here on out, I will be using their true names. Mont will be referred to as the pronouns they had gone by at the time.)

Gaster never bothered to teach them how to communicate, so fine! What Mont lacked in physicality he made up for in intelligence. He slowly taught himself to read and how to talk, and shared his discoveries with his brothers. Partially, he did it only to piss off Gaster, who he had learned was his least favorite person out of the three people he did know.

Because of this, Gaster separated Mont from his brothers, which.. okay, from a crazy scientist perspective, was completely fair. It was quite unfortunate for Gaster, though, because Mont was hellbent on making his experiments so much harder than they needed to be. He'd constantly enter his office to find the little bastard sitting on his chair, nose-deep in a book about quantum theory or somethong, and when he wasn't harrassing him, he was telling the other creations stuff they really didn't need to know.

While the other two stood out in their own ways, Mont was.. interesting. She was much more intelligent than her brothers, and while her body infuriatingly weak, she did seem to get the hang of her magic much, much quicker than her brothers. She had figured out how to teleport at the ripe age of three (in skeletal years), and while it was one of the most annoying things Gaster had ever had the misfortune of dealing with, it was fascinating. One thing he did also note was that she had figured out how to evade his grasp until blue magic was used- she used her teleporting ability to make up for her physical state. Mont knew that she would never be as strong as her brothers- just being hit in the head with a crowbar could dust her in an instant. If she wanted to survive, magic was going to be her best friend. She used agility to disguise teleportation.

It was unfortunate that what Mont thought was cleverness was going to be her downfall.

Gaster first intended to see whether the Void would latch onto the body or magic. And if this killed her, well.. he always had two other backups.

So to embrace the Void Gaster intended, and embrace the Void Mont did.

By some miracle, Mont survived. But the experience was enough to get them to finally calm down in tormenting Gaster, at least a little bit. He finally seemed to have gained Mont's obedience, and all it took was a bit of agonizing pain and probably a near-death experience.

Since Mont is separated from their brothers, they are never found by the construction crew who entered the lab and discovered two little skeletons. Since Mont was separated from their brothers, they never got to hear about the suicide of the... um. The, er..

...the who? Huh. That was weird. And hey, where did these two skeletons come from? What kind of language are they speaking? It must be from the olden times...

So for years to come, Mont stayed within the lab, now lost to the Void. They explored the lab up and down, memorizing every nook and cranny. They read every book available to them over and over (coming to the terrifying conclusion that their world was nothing but fiction and that as soon as their creator lost interest, they'd disappear, too.) They played every game they knew, and even made new ones to keep themself busy. They searched the lab everywhere for an exit, to find none. And when they got tired of all of that, they read through Gaster's files on them and their brothers.

They did everything they could to try and avoid the inevitable conclusion: they had been left behind.

This is around the time their bipolar really started showing, as their first true depressive episode hit, they detached themself from reality. They stayed in their dingy old room, pleading it not to be true. But Mont was no fool. They knew damn well there was no way out.

And suddenly, there is life.

The creature claims itself to be Montserrat's emotions, though we will call it the Voidserpent. And when your emotions take physical form when you are suicidal... it turns out that your emotions want to KILL you!? Yeah, Mont decided that being sad was overrated. Because now they had to spend their time running from this total lunatic. Yeeeeesh.

In total, Mont spent about twenty (human) years down in that lab, eleven of them consisting of fleeing. You can probably see why they are totally batshit insane now.

Meanwhile, back up in the real world, a 19 year old Voidwolf has just been officially promoted into the team of Royal Scientists. This very small team includes Compass and, her role model, Doctor Alphys.

Cleudo immediately began her own side project, next to assisting Dr. Alphys in whatever she needed assistance with. See, Cleudo was always fascinated with history of all kinds. And when she discovered the lack of history surrounding skeletons, she knew something had to be up. This is how she rediscovered the Void, and it's connection to the CORE. Being a Voldwolf, Cleudo has always had a special connection with the Void. It's no wonder that they're the only one who ever tried to enter the Void safely.

While there, Cleudo discovered a lab. An entire lab, sitting abandoned. When she entered, she was greeted by a skeleton. A tall, strict looking one with holes in his hands. She was even more intruiged, and decided to follow him.

Although, this lasted about five minutes before another tiny skeleton came out of practically nowhere, hitting the taller skeleton in the head with what they claimed to be the greatest weapon of all time: knowledge. Aka, a college-ruled notebook. They explained that the skeleton she had originally met was a, quote unquote, "shapeshifting lunatic who wants me dead because apparently this place thinks it's funny to bring my suicidal ideations to life." They introduce themself as Montserrat, but Mont is fine.

Cleudo has NO fucking idea what Mont is talking about, but she's overjoyed nevertheless. They offer to take Mont back to the surface, and while Mont is skeptical at first, they agree.

Imagine their surprise when they discover that Cleudo was not, in fact, a hallucination.

It took a little while for Mont to adjust to the true world. They had to learn social cues, manners... how to speak English (it's a relief that Cleudo understands WingDings). About everything you'd expect from a socially recluse 21 year old who thinks "ur mom" jokes are the funniest thing mankind has thought of.

AUs [story-prominent]

FALLEN DEEP: Mont first appears in Fallen Deep, where their story highly differs from their true story. The main role they play in Fallen Deep is the antagonist. They meet Max and Alberto and are led out of the lab, where they unite with Compass, who has been researching their disappearance. They take a major role in the story when Max and Alberto battle Omega Flowey, hopping AUs and bringing them to an Underswap variant. Once the three head back home, the goal shifts from "escape the Underground" to "find Gaster." Gaster has been hopping AUs, and its the gang's job to stop it. Mont eventually betrays Max and Alberto, revealing that in their travels, they had been taking a bit of each Sans' SOUL to empower themselves to go after Gaster alone. Their fate is ultimately reached when Max stabs them in the back- literally. Instead of death, the SOULs they absorbed are just enough to save them, reforming them on a dark island known as Mont's Island. They spend the rest of their time here to think about their actions.

EVERYTHING STAYS: ES was where they truly shone. Them, along with Zarlidin, were two of the main characters, joining the Star Sanses. Mont had an investigation going on: What happened to the original Star Sanses? Sci and Alter were in charge, claiming to talk to "The Star." In the end, Mont and Zarlidin bust Sci for locking Ink, Dream and Blue in a room for a thousand years. The next major plot points involve The Shadow being uncovered as Fresh, who had been even more of a multiversal mystery, and the defeat of Error404. This is actually the first ever complete RP me and Mel have done.

EVERYTHING LIVES: The detective duo is back, baby. An alternate ES timeline where Error404 wins, completely destroying everything in the multiverse. In one final attempt to save the Underverse, Ink does a True ERASE, setting everything back thousands of years. He and a select group of other Guardians have been sealed away in temples, locked within small stones. Mont and Zarlidin battle their way to free all of the guardians, and try and find out just who did this.

EVERYTHING FALLS: After the events of Everything Stays, everything is peaceful. The kids of the Daycare can finally grow up peacefully... at least, until Mont suddenly disappears, and Zarlidin leaves just days later. Mont is dead, and this AU centers around Alix and the Daycare kids, but they are mentioned multiple times to be haunting Zarlidin (see: WHERE'S YO HEAD AT?)

EVERYTHING LIVES AND STAYS WORLD: FNaF World AU, where all the characters are replaced with people Zarlidin knows. No, I don't know how I got this idea. Mont is so worried for Zarlidin's safety that they do some investigating on Sci's invention to put Blue and Ink to sleep for thousands of years. They do so, claiming that Zarlidin had been killed by the Shadow, and continue to live this lie until they think it's safe. Meanwhile, in Zarlidin's Dreamscape, there are three different Mont's: Guide, Rainbow and Serrat's Revenge. These three replace the characters Fredbear, Chica's Magic Rainbow, and Chipper's Revenge.

DeltaStays: The Deltarune of Everything Stays. We never did get too far with this, but the main gist is that Zarlidin follows Susie and Kris into the Dark World. Mont takes place as Jevil and Spamton, and not much is known about why this is. Maybe they just want to fuck around, or maybe they have deeper intentions. Who knows.

EAST PLAYGROUND (name pending): The most recent AU; an aftermath of Everything Stays, where a group of the Stars get thrown into South Park. Zarlidin, being Voidtouched, is the first to realize that something's off. They don't know how they got there, but they now take the shape of humans, posing as fourth graders. Their mission is to find all of the Stars, and.. try not to get roped into any of the main four's adventures, though that's easier said than done.

UNDERFORT: Woah, a Cookie Run AU. Roquefort has fallen into the Underground, and.. Roguefort is totally being a dick. Snowdin is where they meet Montserrat, who decides to fuck around with them a bit before helping. Unfortunately, a certain destroyer thought one anomaly (Roque) was one too many, and completely wrecks the AU. Mont escapes to the Void with Roquefort, and kind of loses their shit. But they're willing to help Roquefort get home, even if Mont is kind of pissed off at them.

These AUs are all shared with @dinobitez, my partner. But Underfort is done with @phantom-detective :3

RELATIONSHIPS

GASTER - Considering that there's an AU centered around them comitting global genocide on multiple occassions because of this man, I think it's safe to say they despise him with their heart and soul.

PAPYRUS - Mont loves this guy. They are one of his biggest supporters in everything he does. They made spaghetti once and nearly made Papyrus cry because it tasted so bad (Sans thought it was hilarious)

SANS - These two are.. pretty iffy with each other. Sans doesn't like the way Mont acts sometimes, but most of this suspicion comes from the defensiveness he felt back in the lab, always seeing Mont with Gaster.

CLEUDO - Cleudo (at least, in Everything Lives), is Mont's romantic interest. Mont has NO IDEA what a crush is and has confessed to Cleudo about 30 different times. Cleudo chooses to act oblivious until they realize.

ALPHYS - They HATE her. So much.

MAX - Max and Mont were always really close in Fallen Deep, with Mont serving as a big sister role. Mac was crushed during Mont's betrayal, and he was really the only reason Mont didn't continue with their spree when their island came to be. In East Playground, when ES!Mont is present, Max immediately begins to seek them out knowing that they are present. Things.. do not go well.

ZARLIDIN - Mont's best friend!! These two have been through hell for one another. He's very much their favorite person, and have actually harrassed his dad on multiple occassions because of what he did LMAO

CONCLUSION

live laugh montserrat

(art by @dinobitez)

[bosspigeon]

the reason i have so many ocs is bc they literally come to me in my dreams and i cannot fucking stop it it

[piduai]

Noda Satoru's interview with Asahi Shinbun

original here. as always, you can share anywhere but please credit me and stop posting screenshots of my translations on twitter without crediting. this fandom is pea-sized. and i do see when you do that, you know. it's very disrespectful and rude.

Q: Golden Kamuy has completed its serialization in the April 28th issue of the magazine, and the final 31st volume is scheduled for release on July 19th. With the total sales of previously released volumes exceeding 23 million copies, the series ended up being a huge hit.

Noda: It's embarrassing to hear it being referred to as a huge hit, but it is true that I was granted the Japan Cartoonists Association Award upon its finalization. Looking back, I have gotten a fair share of acknowledgement, including the Manga Taisho award, the Osamu Tezuka Cultural Prize, and being selected for the key visual for an exhibition at the British Museum. So I think it's appropriate to look at my own work with pride.

I am very grateful to my editor, Ookuma Hakkou, and the rest of the editorial team for allowing me to end this story when I wanted to end it. I was able to finish this story without thinking too much about other things - such as the TV anime or the live action movie - and without stretching it out unnecessarily. Ending long-term serializing projects is always extremely difficult, so when, after the last chapter was published, all previously released volumes went into reprint, and then shortly after went into reprint once more, I took it as a sign that a large amount of readers were pleased with this work.

I think that the strategy set by the editorial team of creating a buzz around it by releasing all of the chapters online to read for free and announcing the live action movie worked exceptionally well. It's a team victory, certainly not something one person could have accomplished alone. This work was created with the help of so, so many professionals.

On a personal note, having experienced the serialization of 31 volumes was huge for me. I now have a general idea of how much effort is needed for 20 or 10 volumes, and can use this knowledge in the future.

Q: Please tell us about your goals and thoughts behind the inclusion of Ainu people in your work, and what you were especially careful about and kept at the back of your mind in your depiction of them.

Noda: I decided to include the Ainu because their culture isn't talked about much. I'm sure that despite being casually aware of it, many people fail to realize how interesting and appealing it can be. If you tread around the subject always worrying about avoiding controversy, it feels insincere and your work won't be taken seriously, so naturally I sought out the advice of Ainu people and various experts. The first thing the Ainu Association told me was, 'There are so many novels and comics with miserable, pitiable Ainu, and we don't want to read about that anymore. Draw us some strong, bold Ainu'. That was very big for me.

After the last chapter was published, Fujiya Rumiko, a person with Ainu roots who has helped me out in my research before, has written me a letter for the first time in a few years. She told me, 'Thank you for showing Ainu culture in a good light. It's become easier for Ainu to admit that they're Ainu thanks to that'. The letter also stated, 'I have a friend, a grandma who is over 90 and has Ainu blood in her. Up until now she didn't speak of it to her grandchildren and has kept that part of her a secret, but thanks to Golden Kamuy she started teaching her grandchildren simple Ainu words. She was so happy when telling me this'.

This work is an adventure manga serialized in a mainstream youth entertainment magazine, so I never intended to touch upon subjects such as human rights and the governamental recognition of Ainu culture more than strictly necessary, but the story of that grandma reminded me strongly of those words, 'We don't want to read about miserable Ainu anymore'.

If I made a show out of the discrimination directed towards her people, I think that the grandma's words about Ainu being able to admit that they're Ainu would have come to naught. And I've been told things similar to her words by various other people with Ainu roots, so it's not that she's an isolated incident.

Still, I don't expect everyone with Ainu roots to be satisfied with this work. Ainu people, just like the Japanese, follow diverse ideologies and are not a monolith.

All I can say is that I know that many Ainu people want to have a fair relationship with Japanese people. I drew the last chapter in hopes that we can share our lives together.

There are many different approaches when it comes to fighting. If you want to take action, I think it's only fitting to start from scratch and convey what you consider is right using your own name.

Q: Please tell us about your goals and thoughts behind making Hokkaido, your birthplace, the main scene, and what you were careful about depicting specifically because it's your birthplace.

Noda: The history of Hokkaido is not widely covered, and late Meiji era Hokkaido in particular is an unexplored subject. I don't have a fixation on Hokkaido at all, but there's so much manga in the world I felt like my own would end up buried under the rest if I don't do something fresh.

If I had to give a specific example of an achieved goal, it would be the depiction of Blakiston's Line. Readers all across Japan seem to have received well the fact that there are animals that live only in Hokkaido. Especially the brown bears and the deer and their sheer size - if you compare them to the rest of their species in Japan, they would be like a large dog being compared to a medium-sized dog. I think that part was received especially well.

Q: There are many unique and fascinating characters in your work. It seems that the main character, Sugimoto Saichi, was named after your own great-grandfather. Was he modelled after a specific person, or were you using someone as your inspiration? How about the other characters, such as the 7th Division ones?

Noda: On a general basis I don't use a specific person as a model, but rather different elements from different sources combined together. In Sugimoto's case, there was a soldier named Funasaka Hiroshi, of whom there is an anecdote that no matter how mortally wounded he'd get, he was still running on the battlefield the next day. I used it for Sugimoto's immortality factor.

For First Lieutenant Tsurumi of the 7th Division, I have a feeling I was channeling Sherlock Holmes through him in the beginning. Holmes is a sharp-minded gentleman type of character, yet he did drugs and was good at boxing. That scene where Tsurumi goes on all fours and is sniffing the ground, and the slicked back hair - I think those were also borrowed from Holmes. I do love the original a lot, so I was inspired by the illustrated versions.

Q: As the catchphrase "Japanese-style, melting pot Western" suggests, one of the main attractions of your work is that it is packed with a variety of elements. However, did you have any rules you could or would not compromise on, or things that you were decidedly against portraying?

Noda: I wanted to make absolutely sure that Asirpa would not be seen in a sexual way, by either the readers or the other characters. There's a lot of perverts in the story, to be sure, but I didn't want her to sway in that direction. Her being a young girl is part of it, but I was always uncomfortable with women being shown explicitly sexualized to begin with.

There's also that trope of a female character being on the verge of getting attacked, and!… wait for the next week's issue! I am not a fan of such things, both as a reader and as a writer. So I figured that things that I personally find repulsive have no place in my manga.

On the other hand, when it's a bunch of naked muscular macho men on the verge of being attacked, throwing in a tease of "what will happen next week?", yeah, I'd do that. Though I think I've done it once or twice or more already.

Q: Tell us about your next project.

Noda: The work that preceded Golden Kamuy was an ice hockey manga set in Tomakomai, Hokkaido. But Supinamarada! was discontinued due to being unpopular. I'm personally very fond of it, so now that I've finished Golden Kamuy I'm preparing for re-releasing Supinamarada! in full, hoping that I can improve its quality somewhat. I'm very thankful to Young Jump for allowing me to work on it. I'd hate to leave my own work unfinished, so I want to focus on finishing it, and then I could concentrate on an entirely new project.

It's Golden Kamuy that has dedicated fans, not the author Noda Satoru. For this reason I'm not sure how my next project would be received. Therefore, in order to attract new fans to a new work, I will draw each of them like I'm a newcomer.

[tymime]

*Spoilers ahead*

The main thing that puzzles me about the Buzz Lightyear movie is how little it actually resembles the lore presented to us in the first two Toy Story movies.

Don’t get me wrong, I really enjoyed the movie. It’s just not what I expected.

Deep down, I never needed an explanation for why Andy loved Buzz Lightyear so much. Back then, kids would just see a toy commercial for something unattached to any existing franchise, and think it was really cool and want one.

Then again, Buzz is “the world’s greatest superhero, now the world’s greatest toy”. I never thought much about that line. I guess we do kinda have the answer as to where he came from. (Not that I was ever curious.) But why is it so different?

Now apparently, according to the director Angus Maclane, who mentions the Buzz Lightyear of Star Command cartoon in a couple interviews, his explanation is that, in-universe, toy Buzz’s and toy Zurg’s personalities are based on that, and not Lightyear. (Are we supposed to believe that the cartoon was already in pre-production during the first two movies or something? Am I thinking about this too hard?)

It strikes me as very odd that they would think of it this way. I mean, it’s one thing to overlook the TV series- which, if you may may recall, began with toy Buzz remarking on it as if there had never been a movie about him before- but it’s another thing to (intentionally?) contradict the source material.

(Admittedly they don’t say that there was never any other movie explicitly, but I’m pretty sure that’s the intent.)

I’m also surprised that they didn’t reference the “hyper-sleep” thing mentioned in Toy Story 2. Pretty sure they were inspired by it, at least, but they didn’t mention it by name. At least, not that I noticed.

The biggest issue is Zurg- he’s supposed to be an emperor. Not just some guy in an abandoned spaceship with a bunch of robots. Where’s his empire? He’s the “sworn enemy of the Galactic Alliance”, not a newcomer.

There’s also the weirdness in the second movie when Zurg claims to be Buzz’s father. I don’t know how seriously anybody should take that joke, since it’s so obviously a reference to Star Wars. But that Buzz and Zurg seem to believe it sincerely. Not that the cartoon series follows up on it or anything.

This is stuff that I imagine almost everyone remembers.

Now, of course, Angus MacLane describes the cartoon as an in-universe spin-off in a similar vein to the Star Wars cartoons Ewoks and Droids. The only trouble with that is that the Star Command series is an entirely different continuity. (Also, let’s remember that until The Force Awakens came out, Ewoks and Droids and the rest of the Expanded Universe was largely considered canon!) This idea doesn’t quite sit right with me. I’m reminded of the cartoon series based on live-action movies in the ‘90s like The Mask and Ace Ventura, and I’m pretty sure none of them ever intended to be a different continuity. I’m picturing Andy sitting down and watching Star Command soon after the Lightyear movie came out and wondering who the heck all these new characters are- like a reversal of the reality.

Let’s say, hypothetically, that if they were to make the next two films in the trilogy- which I doubt will happen, considering the movie didn’t do very well in the box office- and somehow gradually connect the first one to the series, there would be a messy process of both young Buzz and old Buzz losing their memories, Zurg conquering an entire planet and enslaving millions, and possibly having Warp Darkmatter (Buzz’s old partner) and Commander Nebula (the leader of Star Command) travelling into the future as well.

See, the series makes it quite plain that Buzz has known Warp and Commander Nebula since his academy training days. More than once they mention Buzz having contributed a lot of stuff to Star Command’s rules and regulations. (EDIT: There’s also a line where Zurg implies he’s been evil since childhood. That would be one heck of a memory alteration.) And on top of that, the whole “I work alone” bit would be a character arc that Buzz goes through twice. It just wouldn’t work. And I don’t imagine Pixar is even going to attempt it.

But beyond confusing alternate universe gobbledygook, there’s also the general tone of the film. If I were Andy watching this movie as a six-year-old boy in 1995 (I was the same age that year!), I would be expecting something on par with the original Star Wars. Lightyear would have scared and confused me as a kid. I suspect the new movie is more inspired by the darker, more serious sci-fi movies of the ‘90s- none of which have ever piqued my interest, nor can I name them- instead of the more 1950s atomic age Buck Rogers and Flash Gordon type of thing they were going for originally. Then there’s the color pallette, which is in my opinion, tied to the tone of the film. Buzz Lightyear media has been up to this point very vividly colored, with highly saturated greens, purples and reds. After all, all the paraphenalia in the movies looks that way, even the video game. And the Astro Blasters ride looks like that too. Lightyear is kinda grey-ish for the most part.

I should probably emphasize that I really did like the new movie. Sure, I’m biased towards the cartoon series- it’s a lot of fun and personally I think the secondary characters are a lot of more dynamic and interesting- but as far as a sci-fi movies go, Lightyear is very well made. It might sound like I’m ranting and raving about timelines that nobody really cares about- and admittedly, I’m coming close- but I’m just trying to describe in detail why my inner child isn’t satisfied.

I just want Emperor Zurg to be a big scenery chewing ham, darn it!

[inmyarmswrappedin]

Saw a gifset where Mailin's mom asked who Mailin thought she was that she thinks she can sort out literature, and just ughhh. I hate the way this plot has been handled, beginning to end. I think the topic is relevant and I also feel like the renewed attack on "political correctness" (which was also a big topic in the 90s) is another sign of the recent rise of fascism and reactionary politics.

The thing is, the storyline was introduced under a faulty premise, because Mailin chose to analyze the Goethe poem for her final exam. And then she acted as if she'd been forced to or there was no other option if she wanted to pass the exam. And after this, it's been lacking in nuance and dialogue at every step of the way. I actually don't believe there's enough room in what's left of the season to introduce a proper discussion into the topic, but even if they did, what would be the point when everyone's positions (Mailin's, the school's, the mom's) have been so inflexible up to this point?

I am generally of the opinion that cultural objects (books, movies, music...) shouldn't be disposed of wholesale, but rather:

discussed in their historical context.

provided with additional context. Let's say you've assigned Robinson Crusoe, a dreadfully racist text. You can bring historical sources to help the students understand why the portrayal of Friday and the Savages is racist, help humanize them, help put their behavior in context with sources that explain their customs and culture.

discussed from our vantage point and through within post-colonial, anti-capitalist, intersectional feminist, queer, anti-racist(, etc?) frameworks.

However, there are times when a cultural object isn't appropriate for certain audiences, like, say, high school students, and that is also a valid option. Before the internet, it was seriously difficult to find a copy of The Anarchist Cookbook, a book that encourages middle America to learn to manufacture explosives, weapons, phreaking devices and drugs such as LSD, in order to bring the USA back to 18th century conditions. I believe this book has value when it comes to understanding the mind (and strategies) of far right US militias, but does it need to be studied at a high school level? Uh, no.

I think my opinion on this issue is fairly nuanced, even though I haven't touched on the topic of trigger warnings (which brings with it issues of access to education for students suffering from PTSD and other MI) in this particular post. And yet I'm sure other people have things to add, points in which they agree or disagree with me. As I said, this is a very complicated, yet hugely relevant topic today.

But you wouldn't know from watching Druck. The positions are: destroy the books Mailin doesn't like, do the final exams exactly as we prepared for them in class, or we have already sorted books into appropriate and inappropriate and Mailin(/teens) have no insight to offer on this topic.

It is hugely frustrating and I wish the writers hadn't touched this topic if they didn't intend on fostering discussion (which they clearly did not because the positions they've portrayed are so unmovable and uncritical). I genuinely believe that the storyline as portrayed this season is only going to make viewers be less interested in analyzing media, less interested in listening to other people's perspectives, and less willing to question mainstream values and culture

[dearamericaroyaldiaries]

I might be a few books ahead. I make no commitment to continue this.

Love Thy Neighbor,  1774-1775, Prudence Emerson

By: Ann Turner

Protagonist Age: 13

Started- 7/21/2022

Finished- 7/26/2022

Summary:

Prue’s whole family is loyal to the Crown in the days lading up to the American Revolution (except for maybe an older brother?) Her father’s shop struggles to do business and the Tory children are ostracized in school. After one too many incidents all of the family, except for her oldest brother and aunt, move to Boston to live with her uncle’s family in the hopes of finding more safety. After a few months in Boston both families make the decision to move once more, this time to Nantucket.

#ReadingThoughts

By this point she should be been in stays of varying stiffnesses (not corsets) for most of her life. Stop trying to make corsets an issue for most historical people. It’s like wearing a bra. Get over it. (Spoiler: they did not get over it.)

I don’t feel like the average 18th century teacher would be super focused on spelling. There wasn’t really standardized spelling so spelling anxiety phonetically probably wouldn't have been a huge deal I wouldn’t think.

I probably should have expected the house divided politics thing but big oof. I suppose this will be the case for a good chunk of the Revolution and Civil War books.

When did George III get the rep of being mad? I thought his first episode was after the Revolution but I could be wrong. (Internet indicated a potential episode in the mid 1760s but nothing concrete until the late 1780s so after the end of the Revolution.)

The recipe listed on page 12 is better than 90% of what I find online because I don’t have to skim past someone’s life story for a million years first.

I understand that it’s listed out for the reader but the list and the “Meh, I hate all of these chores” comes off as a very modern attitude. Granted, I don’t think that any kid ever had enjoyed all of their chores.

How quick is the 18th century mail service? Also, a white silk pocket? For a child? How bougie are these people?

Boston makes sense for the short mail turn-around. Would Tories have called themselves Tories or would they have referred to themselves more consistently as Loyalists? Would a Tory have called those on the other sides “Patriots?” I think not.

I think the American intended audience means that even Tories refer to this conflict as a revolution, not a rebellion (or insurrection), because hindsight tells us we won. Had it gone the other way, I’m sure the Empire still would have fallen apart, we’d just refer to the 1770s as a failed rebellion or insurrection.

Would Thanksgiving have been celebrated at this point? The internet indicates maybe but probably not like we’re thinking.

More anti-corset propaganda. You can breathe in stays. The point wasn’t to reduce or constrict for most people. It was to support and give a conical shape. I am not here for this nonsense and Emma Watson can bite me.

Was the lavender soap yummy? (The best Gif I could find with minimal effort.)

I wonder at what age most midwives learned their trade.

How frustrating it must be for someone to come to you for a vital service at which you are skilled and have them be embarrassed to come to you. Kudos to Mama Emerson for how she handled that situation and shame on Mr. Jeptha’s Dad. (We do not stan this dad.)

I’m kinda amused that big bro is hiding pro-Revolution newspapers under his mattress like a porn stash.

Corset nonsense x 2!

Would Papa, a shop owner, know cobbling? That is a skilled trade and not easy as far as I know.

And on your left you’ll see a variety of trauma responses.

How old is Cousin Betsey? I don’t think most 13 year olds would be seriously contemplating matrimony as anything but far off, something for a few years down the line.

Corset nonsense

Waltzing? In 1775? In the colonies? That doesn’t sound right to me.

Corset nonsense.

Thoughts on the Afterward

The epilogue was fine. I liked that it noted that Mama delivered all 5 of Prue’s babies

Overall Thoughts After Reading

I feel like this was an unusual choice for publication in 2003 but it would be an even more unusual book to publish today. I thought it was interesting that the Emersons were seen as too Papist (Catholic) for decorating for Christmas.

Overall this book was fine. I rolled by eyes at every instance of Corset Nonsense (All 6 times. Stay tuned for this exciting new segment. *cue another eye roll*) and there were a few items that I need to check into a bit more. I remember reading this one when I was younger but have no strong feelings or memories about it.

Rating Scale

7/10 Papist Pine Boughs

Other Possible Contenders: Golden Stars (too basic) and Corset Nonsenses (this is an actual number and thus should not be confused but also being a rating scale)

Photo Credit:

Cover: Still me!

[bthearst]

The Gentleman's Club - a series.

Some time ago I flirted with the idea of creating a long-form play set in 19th century London that revolved around an exclusive society consisting only of queer men. It was to be a dark comedy, something that played with societal expectations and gender norms, but I eventually scrapped it because it did not feel like the proper venue for such a story.

Fast forward to a few days ago, while whining about rewrites and revisions and them being no fun. The idea popped back into my head but in a much different form. Cue two entire days of feverish typing, sketching, info dumping, and outlining. Plots were formed (both literary and personal), game plans rudimentarily established, and eggs were sorted into neat little whicker baskets.

The Gentleman's Club, as it currently stands on paper, will be an anthology series comprised of five (so far!) novellas, each one following a narrator's frankly nightmarish encounter with each of The Bacchant Five -- the top ranking members of the aforementioned Gentleman's Club. The catch? Not only is each member The World's Worst Human Being tm, but they're also the love interest. Meaning that this series is a series for villainfuckers. It's gothic, it's horrific, it's romantic, it's queer.

Do not be fooled by the title. The Gentleman's Club is named as such because it was initially meant to be strictly for men, but in the brave new world of 1898, women and individuals who do not quite fit within that binary are also esteemed members.

Of the five planned novellas, three features men, one a woman, and another a nonbinary love interest. Each also has their unique take on sexuality as well, because asexual friends deserve some villain shenanigans too.

It is my intention to selfpub this series for a variety of reasons that I will explain beneath the cut, but I want to point out that chapters will be available over on my Patre0n! As well as a detailed account of the whole process for anyone interested.

I've been exceptionally focused on my high-stakes projects for quite some time out of some fear that I need to censor myself or else no agent will take me seriously. It's genuinely sucked a lot of the fun out of writing, and this series really taps into my writing roots in such a way that I am genuinely excited to take it on. I've been writing erotic literature for almost 17 years and I was always of the mindset that to make it in any way in the traditional industry I'd have to change my tune.

This is me saying screw it, we ball. Given the questionable state of "spicy lit" going around on the internet, especially the queer kind, I decided to square up and write what feels needed. Is it fucked up shit? Genuinely dark romances? Messy people navigating messy situations? Absolutely! And I am not in the mood to have the industry try and water any of it down, so we're going selfpub, baby.

I'm unsure as to what venue will be the best because, honestly, selfpub requires a lot of legwork. Amaz*n does a lot of the work but takes an obscene amount of royalties and a 90 day exclusivity period, and well, they're evil, obviously. I would love to be able to afford actual physical copies with properly paid-for covers by actual artists, so stats are pretty complicated given where I'm currently at.

I do intend to share each chapter on Patre0n, making the first book entirely free to read! People who sub at the lowest tier will get chapters a month in advance, but with some patience you'll able to indulge on all 9 chapters without spending cent.

Every day I walk the line of wanting all of my work to be accessible to everyone at the press of a button and being reminded that I, unfortunately, need to pay for the power that keeps the computer on.

I'll make a more detailed post on Patre0n because I don't want tumblr to just straight up nuke this, although I'm sure it's already on the shitlist for even referencing adult stuff.