#but I always run into the too much hair issue with s4+

[thresholdbb]

High-key thinking about Coda Phage Janeway as a cosplay if my skin doesn't improve

[willkimurashat]

Exactly 0 people asked, but here I am anyway with a rating of Love Island The Game: Ex in the Villa lol!

As you’ve probably noticed, I played each volume as it came out, did not read the spoilers. I always loved litg for giving me escapism from reality I so much craved because it was a fun, problem-free game, where I was the center of attention in a good way, and pixels loved me unconditionally. That is until s5 rolled up. I was really excited about it, even though still not over s4 because they released it so close to each other, but nonetheless wanted to give it a fair go. I was very open to the story and the characters, but about half way through, I just could not defend them anymore. It wasn’t a good time anymore, it was a “how will fusebox piss me off today” time. Anyways, maybe this whole collective trauma of s5 is still very fresh in my mind, and I won’t think it’s so bad as time goes on, but here’s my thoughts on it now.

Disclaimer: All of these are obviously just my subjective, humble opinion - feel free to agree or disagree or add your own:) and if you’d like to use these categories for your own ratings - please, by all means!

Also, potential spoilers ahead:)

So. Let’s break it down into some categories…

Character design: 7/10

This is just my personal taste I guess, but they really went off with Suresh and Gabi. Meera and Johnny made me swoon too. The rest look aight, but I think slight tweaks like aligning Finn’s jaw or Kat’s eyes or making her hair less high up, stuff like that - it would really help. Also, never forget the atrocious outfits (I mean, rubber duckies? Really? The stupid hat? The abominable sandals?? Ugh…)

Character personality: 7/10

I’m probably being too generous, but I do feel like everyone had a distinct personality and a “role” in the villa. Now, where they annoying most of the time? Yes. Were they mean to MC? Also yes, but that’s a completely different point. Did we really get to know anyone or was it mostly just conversations about how Suresh would feel if MC went for someone else and vice versa? I’ll let you answer that one… Disclaimer: MC not included here, she’s an outlier and would skew the score too much.

Character diversity: 4/10

We got some range of characters, but where they done well? Starting with not specifying ethnicities of every single mixed race islander on their applications, perpetuating stereotypes about characters of color and abuse, making them toxic, continuing to make woc villains of the story… LGBT characters being all over the place and, again, villains/unlikeable… Yeah, do better fusebox.

MC design: 6.5/10

My first impression when I saw mc was… not the greatest. My second impression when I played the game - better, but not great. I think my main issue is some expressions, which are just not.. it… I appreciate that they made a curvier body type option, but the face just looks a bit off anyway? Like, don’t get me wrong, there’s definitely potential and so many people were able to make them look hot, but my mc? Idk, can’t help but think that something’s off with her every time I look at her:/ (I figured out who my mc reminds me of btw!)

MC personality: 1/10

It really is a 0, but again, I’m being generous. 16 volumes, 42 episodes and we know absolutely nothing about them. What do they like? Who’s their type? What’s their passion in life? What makes them, well, them? Who is mc? A hologram. A cardboard cut out that only has three preprogrammed comments: yes/no/i don’t know.

MC customization: 5/10

I think overall, the customization was alright and I was pretty much able to make mc look like me, but that being said, I’m a white girl, so I’m privileged enough to not have to run into problems like having ethnic hair gem blocked… And again, I like the curvy body type option, (though it’s still kinda limited), but we still can’t have a choice of feminine/masculine presenting bodies, which I don’t think is too much to ask for (they do it on Lovelink for example). And the outfits… granny fashion and shattered glass bikini? Please just.. let’s just move on.

Challenges: 5/10

The idea for challenges was quite good. Who doesn’t love an obstacle challenge, a snog, marry, pie, a heart racing challenge, or kiss the islander with ___ secret? I know I do! No, we didn’t get the baby challenge or the mean tweets, but it was still a good selection of challenges. However, they were written so… dryly? (Is that a word? It feels like it’s not, but it is now lol.) Anyway, just like the rest of the season, it’s three lines of dry textbook text that just didn’t excite me in the slightest. I read textbooks for grad school every day, I want creative writing in a romance game pretty please! I didn’t feel like I was actually there, doing the challenge. I didn’t care if I won the challenge either because there were no prizes for them anyway and no one-on-one time with our li’s, so… Good idea, poor execution:/

Drama: 3/10

E X C E S S I V E and U N C A L L E D F O R. Of course, it made sense that in a season about Exes in the Villa the main drama will be about Exes in the Villa. I get it, trust me. But you would hope that the drama will get resolved, which in my opinion, it wasn’t. Or it didn’t feel like a satisfying resolution to me personally. It kept going in circles, “hear me out!” “I’m done apologizing!” “Maybe we are different people” “I’m gonna win you back” “How do you think Suresh would feel if…?” “How do you feel now that Suresh is with…?” And the ending was that he wanted to propose to you too, but because of miscommunication it didn’t happen, making this whole drama actually pointless. And that’s only Suresh drama, which if you’re not on his route is tiring, repetitive, and… boring?

Moving on, I wrote a lot of rants about Alfie drama, so I won’t go into it, you all know how I feel. Arlo was feisty with mc for no reason, especially if you constantly reject Suresh’s advances. Drastically changing Meera’s character to an insufferable bitch was unnecessary. Same with Johnny/Nicolas - there was no indication that they are terrible people during casa amor, and the evil master plans came out of nowhere, and only served to further hurt mc. Eddie as a villain was enough for me tbh, we didn’t need the whole villa ganging up on mc. Plus, we shouldn’t be the only ones with drama, I would like to have some fun time at least, thank you very much. Overall, I’m not saying this should be Friend Island - I’ve seen the show, I know how it goes and I know some drama can be absolutely ridiculous, but I just think it wasn’t balanced out at all. It wasn’t healthy. It wasn’t proportional. (Maybe I’m alone in thinking this, but I think s4 had a good balance of drama/friendships/romance, so it was still there, but it wasn’t overbearing.)

Relationships: 3.5/10

The only points here are for Lulu, honestly. And Gabi, but I might be biased lol. Okay, maybe also Alfie-Finn bromance, I’m a sucker for those. Friendship-wise, the whole season I felt alone and felt like I couldn’t trust anyone. Kat was going back and forth between being my friend and being my rival. Arlo had issues with me… why exactly? I’m honestly not sure… Dana was… just there? Her friendship entailed pulling me for a chat any time I wanted to have a conversation with my li and gossiping or asking for reassurance. Meera was nothing, but an insecure bitch to me. Eddie wanted nothing to do with me, until the very end we’re apparently all buddy-buddy and he’s spilling secrets to me. Don’t forget the blackmailing too. Finn was nice only in one (1) occasion, and that is during Snog, Marry, Pie. Alfie may have been a good friend, but I didn’t do that route with him. Lulu was the only one consistently kind and on mc’s side. Gabi was an interesting addition, it’s a shame we didn’t get to know her at all basically.

Romance-wise, again, felt like I couldn’t trust anyone. It was the first season where I just wasn’t interested in anyone romantically because I didn’t get to know anyone really, and most were horrible to me. When the first character designs dropped, I liked Suresh, then was let down. I liked Alfie, then was let down. I liked Johnny, then was let down. I liked Finn, then was let down. I liked Lulu, but the choice to pick Gabi was just too tempting, and guess what? Lulu didn’t let me down, even as just a friend. (I’m glad I picked Gabi in the end, but I still know nothing about her…) Nobody really wanted mc and mc couldn’t really have anyone either. I think there was a lot of wasted potential with li’s. Like, hear me out: Suresh - enemies to lovers, Alfie/Dana - loyal routes, Finn - slow burn, Kat - friends to lovers, Johnny/Nicolas - partners in crime, Lulu - last-minute-sweep-me-off-my-feet, Gabi - messy, peak drama choice (I mean, come on, two girls wronged by the same ex get together? It’s my favorite part of this whole season - literally why I picked her, and she’s actually a sweetheart:))

Recouplings: 2/10

I remember in s4, I felt like there were too many recouplings, so in s5 they went ahead and gave us the least recouplings possible. Only once (1) can you actually pick someone you want to be with throughout the whole time in the villa, throughout all 42 episodes, all 16 volumes - right at the very end (!!!), unless you also willingly chose to twist switch to someone after casa amor. My main issue is that the whole season can be considered pointless because you can basically never couple up with who you want, casa boys wrong you and leave you anyway, bringing us back to square one with 3 og guys that you might’ve tried to escape the whole time. Or, if you’re on a Suresh route, the whole pining angst, or even, the whole idea of going to love island was useless and pointless because even though neither of them really grow or change as people (sorry my Suresh lovelies, it’s just how i see it), they finally talk it out and make up anyway, so none of these 42 episodes really mattered. Yeah, it angers me.

Finale: 4/10

As contradicting as it may sound, I do believe the team took feedback regarding s4 finale into consideration. We got final dates, prom prep, prom, declarations of love, winner announcements, love vs. money, and even a special vip guest - all components needed for a successful finale, the climactic resolution of the season, right? Wrong. I can live with the sacrifice of afterparty (not that I would want to see anyone from this season ever again anyway), but it seems natural progression of the finale was also sacrificed for the sake of jam-packing everything into the last volume. The events felt like they were happening with a speed of light: recoupling-hideaway (ugh)-date-picking a dress-prom-declaration-winners-money/love. I may be sleep deprived, but this made me even more dizzy. And not even that, but the progression of the relationship felt anything, but natural - it was more of a fever dream, really. I like you, Gabi, I do, and you’re sweet and give me full attention, but other than the fact that you like tattooing and fear squirrels, I know absolutely nothing about you (besides the obvious, of course). So all the plastic rings flying around, “being exclusive” and ahem, a PROPOSAL felt, uh… rushed. This is not Vegas, we are not eloping, and I basically don’t know you, so why, oh why would that even be an option?

Moving on, the resolution of the season overall was quite lackluster. Finn never confronted Kat, continuing on with a perfect illusion of romance for her. Well done, Finn. Suresh leaves (if you’re not with him), and decides to let loose and go to Barbados, clearly indicating that he will resort back to his old ways. Nice. Alfie claims to have become a changed man, even appears regretful about things, but who’s to say if he really did change? A half-assed “we’re friends” speech from Kat really did nothing to me neither physically nor emotionally. Sooo… 16 volumes, 42 episodes later nobody learned anything, nobody admitted they were wrong, nobody really genuinely apologized, and nobody grew as a person. Yet again - the whole season was pointless. Add in the driest, most uninteresting writing and it was enough to leave me disappointed still.

We will not talk about Bobby. I refuse to talk about Bobby. That was not Bobby, he was not canon, it did not happen, and I will not accept any criticism.

Structure: 3/10

The only points here are for casa amor, and even that wasn’t done well (i have a post about it here somewhere). Starting with only 3 couples? Only what, like, 3 recouplings ever? Not a single beach hut moment? Not a single hideaway moment??? (No no, they cannot get away with a lackluster last minute “whatever, you can have your stupid hideaway” scene in the very end of the season) We’ve only been there for what feels like a week?? Are you kidding me? It seems we keep straying further and further away from the format of the actual show it’s meant to be based on and I don’t really like that tbh.

Storyline: 5/10

Tell you what, I was actually really intrigued when they first announced the theme of the season as “Ex in the Villa”. I remember people theorizing how they’re gonna handle it, who they’re bringing in, etc. But, a few episodes in I realized just how limiting it was to constrain the whole plotline to… just Suresh. All the conversations and all the drama got very-very redundant very-very quickly. The only redeeming quality was being able to pick Gabi. Check and mate. Oh, and Lulu. Lulu is my queen:) Here’s alternative ways they could’ve improved it: let players choose who their ex is from given characters; let our ex despise mc and mc despises them back in the beginning (enemies to lovers/enemies to besties); let all islanders be exes of other islanders (it won’t be love island the show anymore, but they weren’t really sticking to the format anyway, so); let mc have multiple exes in the villa (and then those two (or three?) exes fight for them); let players choose the reason why they’re exes.

Writing: 2/10

I’m kinda conflicted because I feel like it did get better, but it also got worse? Like, I appreciate using more of love island jargon and the conversations felt pretty natural, like real people would speak, you know? (But still, I can’t really speak to that, since I don’t live in the UK, my only exposure to different accents is through tv and videos.) But at the same time all conversations (75% of which are about Suresh and MC lol) felt so repetitive and so boring and it dragged on and on and on… and then you look back at the episode and realize that nothing’s happened and you didn’t learn anything about anyone. Character development was minimal, if there at all. Very little character depth, very limited background information. I’m not even going to mention mc… Spicy scenes were basically nonexistent and a massive downgrade from s4 (don’t even talk to me). And even in general, every scene was written so dry, so robotic, and so anticlimactic that it was just constant disappointment. The constant bullying from girls to wear expensive outfits was super annoying and unnecessary as well.

Update: I initially had a higher rating for writing, but after playing the finale, I had to cut it in half for the mere reason that I have reached my limit. The utter disrespect I felt when my eyeballs glanced over the screen and read “NSFW kiss” during a prom scene with Gabi was beyond something I could accept with understanding. Perhaps in some circumstances it could be an acceptable form of writing and communicating, but personally I considered the phrasing as a placeholder, instead of a legitimate description of such kiss. I believe if the company had at least the slightest respect for their players, they would and should do the bare minimum of proofreading the text before releasing it for satisfactory gaming experience. Unfortunately, I had to remove points for personal vindication and emotional damage, which is reflective of how I have been treated as a player.

Replayability: 2/10

Hmmm idk. Idk if I’ll ever replay this one. I never got too attached to characters or the storyline, maybe because they released it so soon after s4 and I wasn’t over that yet. And when I did feel a teeny tiny spark with a character, they went on and did something stupid/annoying/hurtful, so even if I did want to go back and do their routes, I feel like they hurt me and I don’t like them much anymore. The only way I mightttt replay it at some point is to just be a bitch to everyone from the beginning because they all deserve that, honestly…

Overall score: 4/10

Well, and that about wraps it up. I never had this many… negative emotions about a season - me, the person who always tells people to not compare seasons, give it a fair go, and not take it close to heart because it’s a game. I usually love burying my face in a pillow, giggling at my screen, and kicking my feet as pixels swoon over me, professing their undying love, but I was robbed of that this season, unfortunately. I’m definitely gonna miss the memes and the rants here every Wednesday, and being the sentimental ass that I am, I will actually feel kinda sad that it’s over. At the same time, this was the first season that I spent here, as an official member of the litg fandom lol, and I’m thankful to have made friends here, bonding over this season:) Thank you for reading my rants, agreeing with me, and offering your own insights and perspectives! I hope I was able to make you laugh a little bit too:) This season prompted me to write two fics (and maybe more to come) that I’m quite proud of, and it made me want to replay other seasons, so I guess there is some good that came out of it, right? ;) and since we didn’t get a traditional ending this season, in true litg fashion I’ll say it…

…Stay hydrated, islanders xoxo

[miseries-mistress]

UNFORTUNATE CIRCUMSTANCES | EDDIE MUNSON

Synopsis: It's been 8 months since the incident. The one that killed the only real father you've ever had; Hopper. You watched him die in front of you, and since then, sleep doesn't come easy anymore, not while you are tormented with nightmares because you insisted on being there. After all this time, you never thought that it would come back and haunt you like this.

Warnings: female reader, S4 EP 6 SPOILERS, mentions of shitty parents, mentions of bullying, y/n has a fucked up childhood (not going into details), reader is cursed by vecna, heavy angst, give my man eddie a break, fluff if you look closely. W/C: 4914

Note: This is much longer than usual, but I really like this one

Starcourt Mall. A place for friends and family to shop, dine, and enjoy themselves; the exact opposite of what you're doing. 

The fourteen of you sat around discussing your next plan of action against the Russians and the Mind Flayer. Hopper had finished by saying that he, Joyce, and Murray would go alone to the Russian lab.  

"Let me go with you," you spoke up a second later, lifting your head. "You guys need me. I mean, I know technology better than any of you. If you run into issues, I can help. I also speak fluent Russian, and the last time I checked, you're going to be separated from your translator. You will need another one of you to want to make it out alive." 

Hopper places a gentle but firm hand on your shoulder. "This is too dangerous for a kid. We've got this covered. Stay–"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa. Slow down. You can speak Russian?" Steve asks, lifting an eyebrow at you

"Konechno pridurok, ya ne bespolezen. (Of course you moron, I'm not useless)."

Steve looks around at the others, whose mouths have parted in disbelief. Steve glances at Dustin, clearly confused by what you just said. Dustin and Lucas look at each other before returning their gaze to you. 

Hopper runs his hands through his thinning hair, pulling on the ends. "You're not going to give this up, are you?"

You smile and shake your head.

Hopper loudly grunts and peers at Joyce, who shrugs her shoulders. "Fine. But you do everything we do. You listen to everything we say and follow every order we give you. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes."

You wish that you never tagged along. That you never insisted on going with Joyce and Hopper. You didn't know this would happen, and if you did, would you still have done it?

You didn't know. 

You just wanted to help. 

You, Murray, and Joyce sprinted out of the facility, Murray pulling you along the entire time as you remained in a detached state of grief. 

Stupid. 

Stupid. 

Stupid. 

That's all you could think about over the next three months, drowning yourself in your sorrows and self-pity. 

Why him? 

You racked your mind for an explanation. Why did Hopper have to sacrifice himself? Why did you have to lose the closest thing you have to a father? The only father you ever had. He was always there for you when he took your parents into custody practically every other Thursday. He would sit with you all night and even let you stay over while your parents spent a couple of days in the county jail. He made you feel loved, appreciated, and heard after dealing with your parents. 

He was always there for you, but in his weakest hour, you could not be there for him, resulting in his death.

The leaves crunch under your feet as you try to shake the memory away while you continue your trek into the forest. Twenty minutes ago, Eddie contacted and informed you about his whereabouts at Skull Rock. That left the rest of you scrambling around to get there before your time was up. You were desperate to see Eddie, to feel his muscular body against yours and his delicate touches that soothed you like no other. You needed him right now, more than ever. 

Eddie didn't know that you were cursed due to you finding out the night before. 

When you were digging into the student files at school, you suspected it was a possibility. You've had nightmares, bloody noses, and severe headaches, like the other victims have described, but you've never had hallucinations, unlike the other victims. That is what made you write off the possibility until last night at the Creel house. 

While walking around the old and decaying building with Steve, you saw a grandfather clock merged into the wall. It was like they carved the wall around the clock to fit it perfectly. 

You heard it chime and crept closer, looking around you before letting your gaze fall on the peculiar sight. Two chimes. You take another step forward, slightly marveling at the details of the old clock while a stifling wave of fear sweeps over you. Three chimes. The face starts to crack, and you take a step back, still watching the clock intently. Four chimes. The face of the glass breaks open, and spiders- black widows- spill out, running down the mahogany. You stumbled back, away from the spiders. 

"Hey!" You gasped and whipped your head around at Steve's concerned features. He took his hand off your shoulder, studying you. You shifted on your heel to the wall with the clock, but there was nothing besides rotting wood. "Are you okay, Y/N?" 

Your gaze flitted between the wall and Steve as his eyes filled with concern. "I..." the words died on your tongue. How were you supposed to explain hallucinating a clock? "There was a clock there…just a second ago."

Steve's eyebrows knit together. "There's no clock."

"But…" the realization dawned on you; this was no coincidence. Vecna's victims hallucinated something a day before they died. You've had every symptom besides a hallucination. 

Steve seemed to arrive at the same understanding as you, and his entire face dropped, his eyes filling to the brim with disbelief. 

"No…" Steve didn't dare continue. He just gaped at you, waiting for a reaction or for something. Instead, you stared blankly at the wall where that damn clock was supposed to be. A part of you didn't fully comprehend the magnitude of the situation. You were going to die, and there was not a damn thing you could do to stop it.  

"We should tell the others…" Your chest constricts, your throat closing as you look back at Steve. He ran his hands through his hair before he grabbed your hand, squeezing it, silently telling you that he was here for you and you were not alone.

You and Steve met with the others and recounted what you saw, and the sheer panic on their faces was nothing you've ever seen before.

Thanks to Nancy and Robin, you now know music has a particular effect on the brain that should, in theory, help you when Vecna comes for you. Safe to say, you went back home right after the Creel's house and grabbed your favorite cassettes, shoving them into your bag along with your Walkman, sliding in new batteries. 

Now, Dustin and Steve are arguing over the directions to Skull Rock, with Steve boasting about how he founded the spot. Robin and Nancy trail behind you, quietly talking to themselves, while Lucas and Max follow at a further distance. 

"See, I was right, you butthead!" Steve pushed back the shrubbery to reveal the clearing. There are three massive rocks. The biggest of them is leaning against another, its face shaped, well, like a skull. Steve held the branches back as each of you stepped out of the narrow path. Dustin looked down at his compass, perplexed before he began walking around. 

"I concur, Dustin Henderson. You are a massive butthead." Eddie jumped down from the rock, and Steve flinched when he landed. You all seemed to breathe a sigh of relief that he was alive and not in police cuffs.

Dustin and Eddie wrapped their arms around each other. "I thought you were a goner," Dustin replies while Eddie pats his back. 

"Me too, buddy."

Eddie caught you nervously shifting from side to side, and the next second he was holding you close to his chest. You wrap your arms around his midsection as you bury your face in his shirt, which now smells heavily of lake water.

"Hey," your voice was muffled against the fabric, but Eddie heard it loud and clear. He chuckles, the sound low and rough and oh so attractive. 

"Hey, pretty thing, thank you for coming to my rescue." Now, it was your turn to laugh, a light and airy sound, as you basked in the warmth and safety he provided you. You grew weaker to his heat as his fingers traced the back of your neck, creating patterns against your skin as you calmed down. 

Finally, he leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on your lips which, of course, you reciprocated. He tasted like perfection, and your mouth moved against his, hungry for the contact you've been deprived of for the last four days. As he pulled back, he traced his thumb softly along your bottom lip, relishing in the fact that your lips belonged to only him.

Steve, who stood awkwardly to the side, cleared his throat loudly, and you broke away, clearly embarrassed. 

"We brought snacks." Robin lifted the shopping bag in the air. "And the six pack you requested."

Within seconds, Eddie was next to Robin, plucking the bag from her hands with a hurried "thank you" before taking a seat under the shade of the rocks. You joined him, sitting in a circle while Nancy explained her findings. Eddie's hand remained, almost possessively, on your thigh, creating designs over your pants. His other hand supported his drink, taking gulps every few seconds as he tried to digest the information with the barest of alcohol coursing through his veins. 

"That's what we've learned so far..." Nancy trailed off, purposely leaving out the part pertaining to you and Vecna. The entire circle's awareness shifted to you, and you instinctively shrunk away from the attention. Eddie noticed the tension growing with every passing second as he set down his beer. He took careful notice of everyone's anxious and downcast expressions, all the while wondering what had put you in such a sour mood. Finally, he turned to you, who seemed to be radiating pure anxiety. 

"Hey, sweetheart, y'know you can talk to me, right? I won't judge you or anything like that." A fist of panic squeezes your chest, and you take a deep breath, internally bracing yourself. 

You pinch your lips. "Something happened last night."

Eddie's own anxiety grew at your incredibly vague statement. He watched you, waiting for your body language to hint at the truth of the situation. His throat clenched. "What happened?"

"Vecna's victims suffer from bloody noses, nightmares, severe headaches, and hallucinations. I thought I was getting myself worked up over nothing since I never had any hallucinations, but last night, I saw something...something that wasn't there."

Eddie felt his heart sink into his stomach, and dread crawled up his spine. He stared at you, and mentally, he tried to process it, but it was as if a roadblock prevented him from coming to the terrible, terrible truth. It was like his mind was protecting him from reality because it knew that once Eddie accepted it, the force of it would break him.  

"I think I'm cursed."

That was the reality of the situation. The woman he loved so dearly that it made his head hurt would suffer a horrible, unthinkable fate filled with nothing but agony.  

"This is shitty." Eddie's face fell into his hands, and he stared emptily at the dried-up leaves and twigs by his feet. He bit his lip and took controlled, deep breaths, trying to stave off the sensation of tears pricking in his eyes. He couldn't cry now, not while he needed to be strong for you. You were the one suffering, not him. 

He lifted his face from his hands and placed his heavily ringed hand over your trembling one. He didn't say anything; he didn't need to. He's just letting you know that he is here for you. That no matter what, he will be by your side. 

"I'm sorry to ruin the moment," Nancy interrupted, her normally stoic face twisting into a guilty one. "But we need a game plan. Y/N has her music, so she, in theory, has a way to escape Vecna, but we need to find a way to get to him."

The six of them descended into conversation, and you vaguely listened, more focused on Eddie's fingers drawing circles over your hand. You leaned your head against his shoulder, and his arm wrapped around your waist, pulling you closer to his side. 

"After this, do you wanna smoke a joint?" Eddie calmly asks, briefly tearing his eyes away from the others. You smile, and for the first time since last night, you feel the flutter of hope in your stomach. 

"Yeah, I'd like that."

According to Dustin, there's a snack-sized gate located north of here, and following his compass will lead you to the location. You stood up with Eddie, his hand leaving yours as Dustin discussed the details with Steve. 

You left the shade of the rock and stood in the clearing next to Eddie while you waited to start your adventure. 

A clock chimed loudly in your ear. 

Your eyes roamed around the now deserted forest. 

"Eddie!" you cry, turning around. There was no reply. "Steve! Dustin!"

There's another chime, and your heart rate spikes, flashes of white-hot terror seizing your body. You frantically whip your head around, searching for any signs of Vecna, as the clock chimes for the third time. Your heart jackhammers against your rib cage, bile rising in your throat. Then, ultimately, there's the fourth and final chime. 

You blink, and you are somewhere else entirely. You take in the white walls, the control panel against the glass overlooking an industrial machine below, and you know exactly where you are: the Russian lab. Except, it's deserted, with no traces of blood or bodies. 

You are left standing behind the glass, overlooking the machine that would open a portal to the Upside Down. 

"Why did you let me die?" A voice, rough but authoritative, questions. Your hands grow numb, and fear tingles at the base of your spine, your arms erupting into goosebumps. You open and close your clammy hands, all while your mind goes into overdrive as you gape, slack-jawed, at him. 

Hopper is still wearing the Russian disguise, but the fresh blood stains on his face and clothing are new. He wasn't wearing his usual smile, and instead of the friendly gaze he usually offered you, it was full of hate and deception. 

"Why did you let me die?!" he repeats, taking another step closer. You take a step back.  

"I-I didn't." He's closer this time, slowly backing you into a corner. 

You jumped back at his voice, which was now louder than before. "Why must you be so useless?" he questioned aloud. It sounded just like him, looked just like him, and that made his words all too real. You ignored the stinging sensation behind your eyes, yelping as your back hit the wall. 

"I think a part of you wanted me to die that day; that's why you turned the key. That's why you killed me," he spits, his voice laced with venom. He stopped a few meters short of you and looked down. His fleshy, human hand descended towards your face. 

From here, you could see the thin scars that littered his hand, the callouses from all those years of laborious work, and the veins protruding from them. It came in contact with your chin, pulling your face up to meet his. The skin on his entire body melted away, leaving only a creature you could describe as hellish. Its fingers were long and thin as they tightened their grip on your face. The rough, charred skin was a sharp contrast to yours. You shivered at the sensation.

"Y/N." You stuck your hand out and yanked his wrist away. In a second, you ducked under his arm and ran through the door. You sprinted down the hallway, refusing to look back while you heard his feet slap against the tile. You make a turn and another before you come to a conclusion; It's the same hallway as before. No matter where you run, it will lead you back to that room, back to him. 

But despite the hopelessness of the situation, you turn around and head in a different direction because you refuse to give up when you have so much to live for; Eddie, Max, Dustin, Steve, Robin, Lucas– all of them have a special place in your heart, and you refuse to abandon them. 

All of the confidence you had built up before comes crumbling down when you reach a dead end. You let out a cry of frustration. This can't be happening, you think. 

Then, out of anger, you punch the wall, and to your immense surprise, it cracks around your fist. You look up in wonder and hit it again, the pieces of drywall cutting into your knuckles. 

"Where do you think you're going, Y/N?" a chilling voice asks. Your heart thuds at the back of your throat, the words banging in your head. You ignore him and the dread he brings into your body and punch it again, again, and again, as chunks of wall fly out. "You cannot escape me."

You feel not an ounce of pain in your hands as they fly to the wall. With this final hit, the wall crumbles away along with the rest of the place, leaving you in another plain entirely. 

The only word you could think of to describe this place was hell. And if you didn't know any better, you would assume that the Christians were right, and you landed smack dab in it, destined to burn for eternity.

There was a mist sinking and layering every inch of your exposed skin, twirling around the atmosphere. The sky was a vibrant blood red, with dark clouds accompanying it. There was a crack of lightning now and then as you tip towed through this foreign land. 

You had heard what the Upside Down looked like from Hopper and Joyce, who had entered it three years ago, but this was nothing like how they described. You didn't even see the particles they depicted floating around the air. 

Your foot landed in a puddle, and you winced at the loud splashing sound it made. 

The staircase leading upwards into the most intact part of the building catches your attention. Jagged rocks stand still in different areas of the plain, adding dimension to the otherwise dreary place. 

"Y/N," Venca called out again. "You're not supposed to be here."

A chill creeps over you like cold fingers over your body. You feel the sweat clinging to the back of your neck, dampening your hair.

You spun around as he spoke again, the voice even closer to your ears. "Y/N."

If it were physically possible to jump out of your skin, you would have when you whipped around to face the man that's been torturing you these past five days. 

You're able to get a good look at him now, and you're not even sure he's human, for that matter. Tendril-like things squelch and slowly slither around his skin, which is shriveled and a sickly red color. His face is even more horrific, the cartilage seemingly evaporated from it, and the bones themselves seem to be attempting to escape his skin from the way they protrude from his face. Venca lacks hair, but his head gleams under the red glow. 

What captures your attention most is his eyes. They're a piercing, cloudly grayish-blue that gazes right through you as if they're reading and scouring through the most intimate thoughts and feelings you've buried deep within your soul. 

A vine by your feet stirs to life, wrapping around your ankle, and with a sharp tug, you fly to the ground. The impact knocks the wind out of your chest, rendering you immobile for a couple of seconds.

A force, a pressure, pushes you against a structure, and for the second time in a row, your breath escapes your lungs in one sharp huff. You feel the tentacles stir and slither under your back. 

You try to wiggle away from the unpleasant sensation, but they move faster, binding your wrists and feet to the structure. Next, the slimy, wet thing moved to your neck, wrapping around your neck, tightening its grip as more and more of it encased your throat. You choked on your breath, the air entering your body at a much slower and lesser rate. The cold fingers of fear brush up your spine, sending a sickening terror through your body. 

A voice, one you've heard so many times before, fills your ears like a ray of light on a cloudy day. The familiar tune was one that you've listened to many times before, one that you and Eddie both adore. 

You blink, and an opening presents itself in the void of the Upside Down, connecting you to your Hawkins, to your friends who are desperately shaking you from your spot on the forest floor. Eddie looks hysterical, shaking your shoulders so violently you think he intends to dislocate them. 

"They can't help you, Y/N." 

Venca turns his back on the portal that opened. "There's a reason you hide from them. You belong here. With me."

You gasped as the pressure on your neck increased, sending black spots to dance across your vision. 

"No…n-not here." He takes another step closer, his face inches away from yours. You could see every scar and hole in his face, every vein running from his forehead into the gashed skin. 

"I am giving you everything that you want. To be released from the agony that haunts you."

The slimy tendril cuts off more of your oxygen, leaving you barely able to form a thought besides the overwhelming need to breathe. 

"No…" you sputter. 

Vecna's hand inches to your face, and out of pure instinct, you shrink and turn your head away from his claw. A desperate frenzy fills your head, voices screaming out with the primal need to live. 

Vecna's eyes roll back, and his head tilts as his hand is a hairbreadth away from your forehead. 

You set your gaze on the open portal behind you, of your friends screaming while your body levitates at least seven feet off the ground. From this distance, you can tell Eddie is pleading to whatever God might be listening not to take you. That he couldn't bear it if he lost you. 

As the music picks up, memories cloud your vision. All significant events and ones that hold meaning and sentimental value are all you can see and hear, and vaguely you wonder if this is your life flashing before your eyes, if you're going to be the next victim of Hawkins, like Hopper, like Barb or anyone else unfortunate enough to be dragged into this shit. 

Your mind is redirected to more recent memories, memories of Eddie. Each one warms your heart as they pass in a blur. His confession, your first kiss, the Metallica concert, smoking, Hellfire, his music, everything swirls together, and somewhere inside you, it steels your will to live. Faster and faster, you feel the will grow until it takes over your mind completely, eradicating thoughts of misery or pain. Your hand flies from the vine's grasp, and you blindly thrust it out in front of you. Your palm catches a chunk of Vecna, and you pull with all your might, ignoring the prickling sensation of pain in your throat. The piece of flesh rips out of his skin, and he doubles over. 

Venca gasps and the tentacles loosen their grip immediately. You dive under Vecna's outstretched arm, and you're still gagging and struggling for air as you make a beeline for the portal. 

The boulders, once floating aimlessly in the air, crash inches from where you were. You lose your grip on the uneven terrain, and you slide, falling to your knees. The water, as frigid as the air, seeps into your clothing. You pick yourself up a moment later, continuing your race towards the portal. 

The music, your favorite song, blasts in your ear, shutting out the sounds of your ragged breathing and the rocks crushing the earth. Time slows in a way you thought only possible in movies. The portal is so close you can almost touch it while the music pounds against your eardrums, helping fuel your tired and sore legs just a little further. That's all you need to go, just a tad further. 

Your eyes shoot open, and your body crashes to the earth, and for the third time today, the breath is knocked clean out of you. Instantly your friends rush to your side while your back burns from the pain. Eddie is hovering over you first, holding your face in his hands, disbelieving but relieved beyond belief. You struggle to regain air in your needy lungs, and someone pushes Eddie back by his shoulder, allowing you breathing room. 

There's a cry of relief as Eddie, despite Nancy's pushing, cradles you in his arms. 

"I'm here, Y/N, I'm here, sweetheart, shhh," Eddie coos, and you look up into his misty brown eyes, and at that, you could no longer hold back your tears. They escaped in full force, no matter how hard you shoved them down. Every bubbling emotion you experienced in the past five minutes was released with your ugly sobs as you clutched Eddie's shirt like a lifeline and practically collapsed against him. You were scared out of your mind. 

You escaped Vecna; that was the good thing, but that doesn't mean he won't come back again, and maybe next time, you won't be so lucky. 

You could still sense the phantom feeling of his touch surrounding you, and although there was no bruising, no sign of how you almost died, you still felt everything. The scene seemed to be scarred on the back of your eyelids because every time you closed them, you were back in that ratchet place, alone.  

Eddie holds you against his chest, caressing your face while whispering the words repeatedly. That you will be alright, that you will live, that you don't need to be afraid anymore. 

Before you knew it, his mouth engulfed yours. You responded instantly, silently informing him that his touch was welcome. The kiss was tender and passionate and so full of love you could hardly believe it. Your lips parted a moment later, and he held your face delicately in his hands, wiping the tears that never stopped flowing. 

A tear, a single tear, escaped the confines of his eyes. Eddie had witnessed not one, but two people die in that gruesome and tragic way. The fact of the matter is, you almost met that same fate, and that tore him apart from the inside out. Yet, you are his anchor, the only person who stuck around long enough to find out who he really was and loved him for it. Not for the drugs, which were an added bonus, not for the sex, but for him. 

After the messy situation with his parents, he was left without constant care and affection from his mother and felt unloved. But you made sure he never felt like that, and in the process, you became the only constant in his life. Losing you- the person who fills his once empty heart to the brim with love- was incomprehensible.  

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," you wept in his embrace, your tears staining the unwashed fabric of his shirt. 

"You have nothing to be sorry for, sweet thing," Eddie planted a chaste kiss on your forehead, pulling you into a hug. He held your head to his chest as another sob ripped from your throat. He gazed behind you at the others, who all sat down in a small circle next to him. 

Steve's hand was constantly running through his hair, Max and Robin's legs anxiously bounced up and down, and the rest sat quietly, waiting. 

You pulled away from his tear-stained shirt. "I ruined your shirt."

"Princess, that shirt was ruined days ago. You did no such thing," he reassured you, smiling down at you. You laughed, your voice still thick with emotion. 

The space lapsed into silence, the air thick with tension, while Eddie rubbed your back. 

"God, I thought you were a goner," Eddie remarked. You swallowed the lump that had formed in your throat. 

"I did too."

And for the moment, no words needed to be spoken. There was nothing you or anyone else could say. 

Eddie's grip tightened as he pressed his lips to your forehead, letting them linger for a second. This, right here, was okay. You were forever safe, surrounded by the people you loved the most. 

But alas, all good things must come to an end, and someday you will have to confront him one last time. 

[floralovebot]

what are ur thoughts... on helia's relationship with masculinity? his earlier wardrobe was softer colors and peasant blouses and his (beautiful, beautiful T^T) hair was kept long. obviously we know that shit slapped even if the show wont acknowledge it now. his look always made him super distinct from the rest of the guys, but i feel like that may have also been an alienizing factor? red fountain is a military school and i promise im not asking for your take on gender roles or toxic masculinity of the entire magic dimension or to write helia a planet and culture and backstory from scratch (unless? 👀, bc your takes are always fascinating), but do you think he was ever taken with that, or felt subject to other's opinions on that sort of thing? has he always been comfortable with his presentation, or did he have any clumsy teenage overcompensating? if the latter, would you say leaving red fountain helped him come to terms with that or reinvent himself to his tastes? or maybe had him overcorrecting in the opposite direction, to distance himself from the red fountain lifestyle as well as account for his two haircuts and more traditionally masculine style later on?

anon i'm in love with you.

I have so many thoughts about Helia's overall aesthetic (and some about his concept designs heheh) but I won't get into all of them since that would make this way too long. To be honest, within canon we don't know a lot about Helia's personal thoughts about Red Fountain or the culture surrounding it and other military/paramilitary establishments. While this does make it harder for people to give him a solid characterization, it actually makes a lot of sense considering how quiet he is in terms of his own thoughts on things. We have random tidbits and rumors from other characters but almost nothing from him.

When it comes to his looks in canon, honestly I don't think it would ever be an issue. While long hair on men is stigmatized in real life, in Winx Club it's not that big of a deal, in fact, it's pretty normal. We see multiple male characters with long hair and not typically considered masculine wardrobes. Saladin, Palladium, Avalon, Valtor, and even background Specialists are just a few examples. Longer hair on men is a normal thing throughout all of the planets and only seems to be weird on Earth (ie Sky and Helia cutting their hair to blend in). While I do have a lot of thoughts on Helia's hair, I really doubt it was ever an issue in canon. It's only an area of topic in the fandom due to a couple of things that don't factor into canon (such as men having long hair being stigmatized in real life or the rumors that Helia was originally a female character [with absolutely no proof of that besides his long hair and slightly more feminine looking face]).

I think when it comes to Helia feeling out of place, it would likely have more to do with his personal interests, aka art, and not necessarily wanting to be a Specialist. Contrary to fanon, Helia likes being a Specialist and we know he respects Saladin and Red Fountain as a whole. Him leaving was largely due to being more interested in art than the "family business" so to speak. It's shown multiple times in canon that Helia feels a lot of pressure from being related to Saladin and that his own actions and opinions affect both Saladin and the school (which says a lot about how the Magix Dimension feels about families and relations). His back and forth between being a Specialist and being an artist have to do with him not wanting to disappoint Saladin or affect his image in a negative way.

We do know that other Specialists and people outside of the school have opinions about him and what he does but we don't actually know how he feels about that or how he deals with it. It gets brought up quite a few times; random people who aren't close to him talking shit for no reason (Brandon in ep.8, Riven multiple times in the comics, other random specialists, etc), and yet, Helia's own feelings about the matter never get revealed. Again, I think this plays into how quiet he is about his own emotions, not wanting to start shit or get into a fight that could later damage Red Fountain's image.

In that way, you could say Helia deals with some amount of rejecting masculinity, but personally, I think his actions have more to do with feeling like he needs to have a "good" image because of his familial relations. Helia doesn't start conflict, he doesn't push things or engage in arguments, he's extremely conscious about how his actions affect Saladin and the school (he even uses this to his advantage in the Shaab Stone arc). We don't know the extent of how much people talk about him, behind his back or to his face, and we don't the extent of how much it affects him.

Personally, I think Helia is conscious enough to have dealt with toxic masculinity, specifically trying to get away with it, earlier in his life. While Red Fountain is a paramilitary school, it's shown explicitly that they don't tolerate that attitude and try to knock it out of any boy that enters (aka don't start dumb fights, don't insult your teammates, don't do dumb shit to prove your worth, etc). The only reason the main boys managed to stay in the school is that they're canonically the best students and Codatorta believed in them (also cause yknow,, they're the love interests).

While the Magix Dimension definitely has some degree of toxic masculinity, Helia in particular mostly battles with toxic perfectionism and family legacy. He's not consciously or subconsciously trying to be the ideal version of a man nor does he base his life or opinions of himself on that. Helia tries to be the perfect Specialist and the perfect grandson. He tries to be the perfect student in a school that's largely associated with the best soldiers in the universe and that's also run by his grandpa, while also dealing with his own actions and opinions affecting the image of said grandpa and school. So honestly, no, I don't think Helia particularly gets affected by masculinity, toxic or otherwise, and I don't think any of his actions in canon could be led by it. However, I do think he's in an awkward situation and tries too hard to live up to other people's (and his own) expectations of him and that some of those expectations can run into the "ideal" version of masculinity (such as Brandon saying "he doesn't like to get his hands dirty" as an insult).

While I do love the idea of Helia going through a little teenage rebellion and him going to art school being a result of that, in canon, it's partially implied that he really didn't change. Saladin sees him as the same person and the specialists recognize who he is. There is no "whomst the fuck are you" kind of moment with any of the characters. This is more implied by canon than directly shown but, I do think that Helia was one of those people who had to mature quickly as a kid. And that him leaving Red Fountain multiple times is mostly him trying to get away from those expectations. We see this theme with multiple characters so I don't think it's a wild conclusion.

When it comes to his haircuts and different aesthetics, I think that's mainly Rainbow mucking things up. His aesthetic change in S4 is so they can blend in, it's not him being himself. Even when their identities get revealed and everyone knows they aren't from Earth, they're still trying to fit in and live within that Earth culture. His changes in the later seasons are largely due to Nickelodeon not understanding the characters and just wanting a group of masculine soldier dudes.

Unpopular opinion but: I think a better way of showing how out of their element the specialists were in S4, would actually be to cut Helia's hair super short, not just the uneven shreds he got, and then have him grow it out through the season (maybe even magically like they did with Musa) to show that they're chill on Earth and people aren't scared of them. Is this an excuse for me to imagine him with a wolf cut? Yes.

[rodneymckays]

stargate episodes that should have been, part 20: an alternate reality episode where cam went to atlantis and sheppard joined sg-1. in this universe cam wasn’t injured in antarctica and i think that he is the kind of guy who would go to another galaxy for fun and also because he has to do the Best thing he can possibly do and that’s going to another galaxy. sheppard for whatever reason didn’t sit in the chair but did still fly jack down to antarctica so when they’re looking for sg-1’s fourth jack is like “well there’s this guy i met who kinda reminds me of me except he likes antarctica for some reason” so he becomes sg-1’s fourth under sam’s command. i think at first that would cause issues because of his problems with following orders + sam is new to her command and feeling somewhat insecure about it BUT these issues aren’t with sheppard disobeying sam’s orders they’re just sam worrying that he will. because sheppard only disobeys orders that he sees as bad and from what i remember of s4 + his personality in general he really respects sam. anyways this is actually a 3-parter because you have the sg-1 episode where our sg-1 meets the other sg-1, the atlantis episode where our atlantis people meet the other atlantis people, and then the crossover where they all meet one another because you can’t have the sheppards and the cams not meet themselves. i have no idea where in the timeline it is beyond “not season 4” because there are inconsistencies, but whatever. it’s also very long so i am using paragraph breaks for once!! also i will be putting a 1 after the duplicates from the show universe and a 2 after the duplicates from the au for clarity. (everyone without a number is the only one of themselves present and is from the au). also i definitely got carried away and this is too much plot and not enough character interaction even though i originally thought this one up for the character interactions, oops.

EPISODE 1: SG-1. somehow, our sg-1(1) is pulled through to this other reality. something to do with ba’al messing with some ancient tech in the other reality. the sg-1(2) of that reality, led by sam2 and featuring a major sheppard2, has snuck onto the ha’tak ba’al is using as his base of operations. they run into our sg-1(1) and there’s some spider-man pointing meme and then sam1 and sam2 start discussing how this could have happened while the valas compliment each other’s hair and cam1 and sheppard2 go “wait but you’re supposed to be in atlantis” “no, YOU’RE supposed to be in atlantis.” eventually we find out that ba’al is using ancient tech to develop a hyperdrive capable of traveling between galaxies, which the goa’uld don’t have. his test destination is the pegasus galaxy because he figures that if it works for one jump but then fails, then he can just turn up at atlantis and ask the tau’ri for help again after threatening them lightly to save face. obviously the humans don’t want ba’al going to pegasus, because we like our villains to stay confined to just one galaxy, and also if his hyperdrive works then he could destroy atlantis or ally himself with the wraith or be defeated by the wraith and have his ship captured and now the wraith have an intergalactic hyperdrive or—well, there’s lots of ways it could go wrong, and sg-1(1) gets the point that they need to help sg-1(2) stop ba’al. they spend much of the episode tracking ba’al and sneaking around the ship, until they finally corner ba’al in the engine room and teal’c2 shoots him. unfortunately, they enter hyperspace almost immediately after this, and are captured by… another ba’al. END.

EPISODE 2: ATLANTIS. somehow, our atlantis team1 is pulled through to this other reality. something to do with mckay2 and zelenka messing with some ancient tech in the other reality. our atlantis team1 is quickly locked in interrogation rooms because who are they and why is major sheppard with them instead of colonel mitchell? this tips off mckay1 to the fact that they’re now in an alternate reality. fortunately mckay2 and zelenka have already reached this conclusion and they’re let out of the interrogation rooms just in time for news to reach atlantis that a ha’tak has arrived in pegasus. (and also before ronon1 and ronon2 start fighting instead of just glaring menacingly at one another, because who thought it was a good idea to have ronon2 interrogate ronon1. he didn’t even ask any questions.) alternate weir decides to send the atlantis team2 in to investigate but mckay2 is like “i’ll need someone to help me with the goa’uld tech, we’ll take zelenka” but zelenka is immediately like “no?? there’s another you here. take him. i don’t like leaving the city” so it’s decided that both mckays will go, and you can’t send mckay1 without the rest of his team so EVERYONE is going. they take two jumpers because mitchell2 and sheppard1 both want to fly the jumper. when they arrive through the space gate that the ha’tak is near, they see a badly damaged wraith hive with no life signs. the ha’tak has also taken some damage, but much less, and they’re able to fly through a hole in the hull to board. they detect minimal life signs: two on the bridge, eleven in the cells, and a few others scattered around that must be ba’al’s jaffa. the group decides to split up; they toss a coin and mitchell’s team2 goes to the bridge while sheppard’s team1 goes to the cells. when sheppard’s team1 arrives at the cells, they find them unguarded but locked. mckay1 cracks the lock and we see the cell doors slide open. cut to the bridge. when mitchell’s team2 arrives, they see one of the dots on the life signs detector begin to fade. mckay2 gets the door open just in time to see ba’al collapse to the floor, having been fed on by a wraith. END.

EPISODE 3: CROSSOVER. what the hell, ba’al is in a wraith now. (i’ve always wondered about what would happen if the goa’uld met the wraith; would they fight and if so who would win? or would a goa’uld take a wraith as a host? is that even possible? i say yes because it’s Fun.) the symbiote entered the wraith and then promptly fed on his former host because he was hungry. this is obviously Terrible News because the wraith are bad enough but tbh they’re not very smart. ba’al is. mitchell’s atlantis team2 all point their weapons at him and radio sheppard’s atlantis team1 to let them know there’s now a goa’uld with a wraith host. sheppard1 responds and says “ok, we’ll we’ve got two sg-1s here. and also todd” to which mitchell2 replies “who the hell is todd?” (“pale skin, long hair, likes to suck your soul out with his hand but makes it weird by returning your soul ten minutes later?” “oh you mean casper.” “what the hell kind of a name is casper?” “what the hell kind of a name is todd?!”) we find out that “casper”, who is of course alternate todd but was named casper by mitchell2, was on the hive ba’al disabled. he and one other wraith were taken aboard the ha’tak, and he was put in the cell for later in case the first implantation of a wraith didn’t work. he’s willing to help everyone defeat wraith ba’al, because goa’ulds taking wraith as hosts is bad for the wraith too. so they do some stuff, and with much difficulty, kill wraith ba’al. it’s harder than killing a normal wraith because he has the goa’uld regenerative ability, and also he keeps feeding on his jaffa to recover after being shot. eventually they manage to trick him into a set of rings and space him. then they have to decide what to do with the ha’tak. casper wants it for himself because of the intergalactic hyperdrive and turns on them. they manage to activate the self destruct and flee back to the jumpers. they believe that casper is destroyed in the self destruct, but he survives somehow. the rest of the episode is the sams, mckays, and zelenka trying to figure out how to send sg-1(1) and the atlantis team1 home. we also get a few character moments between everyone and their counterparts: cam2 and both sheppards discuss puddlejumpers while cam1 is sad because he doesn’t have the gene and never received gene therapy so he can’t fly a puddlejumper. they break into medical to convince beckett to give cam1 the gene therapy; they’re pretty sure it’ll work on him since it worked on cam2. it does, and the cams and the sheppards immediately have a race to the mainland and back. (the sheppards win, but it’s close, and the cams try to blame it on the fact that cam1 has never flown a jumper before while everyone else has.) the daniels go to the library together and share their knowledge about the ancients and the ori; mostly they know the same stuff but they do both learn a few new things. the ronons fight one another. it’s a draw. the teylas and the teal’cs watch the ronons fight, and then meditate. the valas flit between each of the groups and compare their versions of everyone. vala1 ends up in weir’s office and bugs her with a bunch of questions until weir actually puts down her work and just Hangs Out. vala2 ends up with the cams and the sheppards because she’s absolutely best buds with sheppard2 and desperately wants to meet sheppard1. anyways after everyone hangs out for awhile they go home and it’s a very :) ending, which is what they need after All That.

i like this character swap idea a lot because after watching the pegasus project i was kinda chomping at the bit for more character interaction between sheppard and the rest of sg-1. particularly vala. more after the cut cause i wanna yell about all the other stuff i love about this!!

i also like the idea of sheppard not being in the team leader position. it makes me wonder what him following orders offworld, particularly sam’s, would look like. i don’t remember him and sam butting heads over command decisions in quite the same way him and elizabeth did at the start (sheppard wanting to go go go, make slapdash decisions, usually in an effort to help people, altho sometimes misguided, particularly in hot zone, vs elizabeth who was often looking towards a less militaristic approach, i.e not trading explosives to the genii, not torturing a POW etc. and who took her time making decisions). but then again, both sam and john are military. so, it’d be interesting to see how sam manages him along with the rest of the team. also, since hes not in a leadership position (no ones counting on him to keep the team together), would he be even more gungho about the self-sacrifice play? or just the same as ever? anyway, enough about john (once i start, i can’t stop, it seems), let’s get into the episodes!!

Episode 1:

“if it works for one jump but then fails, then he can just turn up at atlantis and ask the tau’ri for help again after threatening them lightly to save face.” LMAO truly ba’al’s modus operandi.

and the wraith potentially stealing hyperdrive technology is DEFINITELY something sg teams of all universes and galaxies should team up to put a stop to. a whole new galaxy to feed on?? not to mention earth??? NOT GREAT. the situation definitely calls for earth’s mightiest heroes squared.

also i appreciate a good sneak on an alien ship. especially times 2. and who would partner with who?? so many fun character combos!

Episode 2:

LMFAO OKAY. ronon vs ronon is such a ronon thing that i laughed out loud. both of them would definitely wanna know which one was tougher. also. also. i would love for zelenka and mckay1 to have a science twin moment and mckay2 to get all proprietary and be like “get ur own!”

i can’t imagine rodney would get along all that well with himself so its a good thing the rest of the teams will be there to run interference. and be separated on the ride there bahaha. cam and sheppard would totally fight over who gets to fly the cool spaceship (the teylas look at each other with raised eyebrows of sympathy and respect. both teams require them to pull on their reserves of infinite patience).

OOOO and ending on a CLIFFHANGER and INTRIGUE, QUICKLY, to the next episode!

Episode 3:

u kno, i was thinking earlier, after reading the first episode, what would an interaction between goa’uld and wraith look like? my immediate thought was, they are either gonna join forces to crush the stupid humans or fight because the goa’uld kinda need those humans for indentured servitude and, u kno, living. or, u kno, they would fight just because their ginormous egos clashed. but NEVER did the thought occur to me that a goa’uld might take a wraith as its host for its superior genetic makeup over humans (super strength, jedi mind tricks, telepathy etc.) and this is why ur brain is amazing. and a smart, conniving creature in control of a wraith body…spells trouble. and i didn’t even consider the double healing factor which would make any wraith on par with an uber wraith (that i dont remember ever seeing after the defiant one lol).

also cam naming his todd casper means everything to me. his ability to drop movie/pop culture references no one gets/appreciates is extremely endearing.

another amazing thing about this; sam actually gets to science with mckay and zelenka FOR ONCE. i’m really sad we were deprived this in season 4, like i get sam was the leader of the expedition in that season, and it wasn’t her job to be doing science/where is the time, but u can’t take the science out of the girl, no sir. i just wanted the beautiful mind children to be techno babbling it up, all with a begrudging respect for one another, as everyone stares in awe and confusion.

and cam gets to fly cool spaceships!!!! for leisure! with no one threatening his life! he did not get to do enough flying imo. and the teyla’s definitely deserve meditation time after dealing with double of their rambunctious team. and YES elizabeth deserves to have fUN. vala is the best person to help her with that. and vala and sheppard!!!! being buds!!! ALL I HAVE EVERY WANTED FROM STARGATE! what a fantastic ending to a wonderful series of episodes.

[spencers-renaissance]

To Look On Tempests and Not Be Shaken

Summary: In the wake of a blazing row and an empty apartment, Aaron finds Spencer's well-thumbed copy of Shakespeare's sonnets and recalls the morning after their wedding, when Spencer sat on his lap and read Sonnet 116 to him. Suddenly, everything makes sense.

Tags: angst with a happy ending, fighting and making up, married hotchreid, relationship dynamics, introspection, fluff, shakespeare/literature

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Spencer Reid

Word Count: 2.6k

Masterlist // Read on AO3

(Set in S11, AU in which Haley/Aaron divorced in S1 and Aaron/Spencer married in S4.)

It wasn’t really either of their faults: work was relentless at the moment and they hadn’t had any real time for one another in weeks. That’s not really a consolation to either Spencer or Aaron, however, when they’re in the middle of a blazing row that has them both drowning in flames of anger and passion, unable to see one another for the smoke filling their apartment. 

“Aaron, this is the fourth case in a row that you’ve stayed at  the office past 4 in the morning to wrap up the paperwork,” Spencer shouts, frustration rising in his chest as he tugs at his hair, already feeling far too overwhelmed. Aaron is looking as unbothered and stoic as he always does during their fights, and even though Spencer is fully aware of the emotion that will be stirring under his carefully constructed mask, it doesn’t make it any less exasperating. 

“You know as well as I do that this sort of work load is completely unavoidable,” Aaron says lowly, anger finally audible in his voice. It’s not as satisfying as Spencer had hoped. “We can’t keep rehashing this same old argument. I’m the Unit Chief of a team in one of the most prestigious FBI departments. I have a responsibility.”

“You have a responsibility to me and Jack as well,” Spencer cries, fury bubbling over as he thinks of Jack and just how much he deserves. “We deserve your time just as much as fucking serial killers do.”

Aaron visibly flinches as Spencer swears, an occurrence rare enough to indicate serious emotion. “This is exactly the argument I used to have with Haley, Spencer,” he says harshly. “I refuse to have it with you, too. If you can’t handle it then maybe you should leave, just like she did, hm?”

“Have you ever stopped to consider that maybe that means there’s an element of truth in it then, Aaron?” Spencer asks, voice breaking slightly as the scale tips away from uncontained ire towards hopeless misery. He turns away from his husband, trying in vain to conceal his crumpled face and damp eyes. “And you know I would never do that to you; don’t you dare throw your unresolved issues back in my face.”

“I can’t deal with this right now,” Aaron says, voice and face hardened; Spencer can almost see the walls he’s building up again, the stubborn refusal to concede any point. “You’re not being rational. I’m going to bed.”

His stomach twists with the desperation of the situation as he says quietly to Aaron’s turned, retreating back, “What happened to never going to bed angry?” He doesn’t turn back around. 

⭐️

Aaron waits in bed for Spencer to join him, fully intending to feign sleep the moment he enters the bedroom but nevertheless longing to know he’s safely tucked next to him in bed. When he hears the quiet click of the front door and checks the time to see he’s been waiting for almost 25 minutes, though, a panicked feeling fills his chest. He throws the covers back and treads out to the living room, only to be met with a decidedly empty room. If he was a more spiritual man he’d say he could still feel the angry aura of their previous argument lingering over the furniture. Really what he feels is the inevitable, empty vacuum a home without Spencer in it is bound to house. 

He sits down on the sofa, just on the wrong side of too cold in his threadbare t-shirt and underwear, and buries his head in his hands. The problem is that he knows Spencer’s right. He and Jack both deserve better than this kind of life, of course they do. Jack deserves a father, Spencer deserves a husband. Admitting such a fact, however, requires humility, vulnerability, failure almost. It means telling his boss that he needs reinforcements, that he can’t continue with the 80+ hour weeks, that he’s not as strong as he used to be. 

That sort of thing takes a courage that feels so far out of reach, though, and he’s left defending a place he doesn’t want to be in against people he loves more than anything in the world. 

Forcing himself out of his miserable carousel of thoughts and regrets, he pulls his head from his hands and catches sight of a note on the coffee table, his name scrawled across it in Spencer’s handwriting. Immediately, his heart sinks: it’s unlikely a love letter. It’s far more likely it’s a note of good riddance, an announcement of abandonment. 

Turning it over in his shaking hands, he reads: 

I’ve gone to stay with Derek and Penelope for the night. I will pick up Jack from Jessica’s in the morning, on my way home. I love you. Spencer 

He immediately feels guilt at ever having thought that Spencer would be cruel enough to leave him in the same way he’s been left himself one too many times. His husband has an incredible amount of love filling his heart, and he’s simply incapable of such cruelty. It’s been a fear of his for many years, that Spencer would grow unhappy but be too kind to leave, prioritising Aaron above himself. He knows it’s Haley’s fault for embedding such fear and doubt in his heart all those years ago, but he can’t help but berate himself for ever doubting Spencer. 

It’s not like they’re about to break up. When he considers the situation logically, he knows that. He loves Spencer, Spencer loves him, and ultimately, he’s going to relent. He’s going to draw on whatever shreds of courage remain in his tattered and beaten soul and do whatever it takes to make his family happy, to give them what they deserve. He just has no idea how to cross the gaping chasm that stands in the way of reaching that eventuality. 

He goes to place the note back down on the coffee table, but his eyes land on the book it had originally rested on: Spencer’s well-loved copy of Shakespeare’s sonnets. He picks it up, sort of absent-mindedly, thumbing the pages the love of his life has read countless times, holding on to the book as an emotional connection to Spencer. It’s travelled their entire relationship with them; he remembers it laying on his spare bedside table back when Spencer visited his apartment in the dead of night, terrified of anyone finding them out. He’d read the poems over and over again, long into the night. Aaron can’t help but smile at the memory of Spencer’s unique quirks. 

Eventually, his absent fiddling lands him on a page Spencer’s visited time and time again. A worn leather bookmark Aaron recognises as one of Diana’s gifts marks the page titled Sonnet 116. Tired and lovelorn, he begins reading.

Let me not to the marriage of true minds  Admit impediments. Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove. O no! it is an ever-fixed mark That looks on tempests and is never shaken; It is the star to every wand'ring bark, Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken. Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks Within his bending sickle's compass come; Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks, But bears it out even to the edge of doom. If this be error and upon me prov'd, I never writ, nor no man ever lov'd. Sonnet 116, William Shakespeare 

((Modern Translation, if you’d prefer:

I will not admit that interferences are possible in the union of two people In love. Love that changes when circumstances do is not love, Nor if it bends when someone tries to destroy it: Oh no! It is an eternally fixed point, Which may watch storms but is never shaken by them; it is the guiding star for ever lost ship: Its distance may be measured but its quality cannot be. Love does not fall victim to Time, though features of youth Are eventually entrapped by him; Love doesn’t change as hours and weeks race past, But endures until death. If this is wrong, and I’m proved incorrect, Then I never wrote, and no man ever loved.))

The words come rushing back to him as soon as he reads them: it had been a contender for Spencer’s chosen poem at their wedding. He’d eventually gone with I loved you first by Christina Rosetti, the perfect compliment to his own choice of I love you by Ella Wheeler Wilcox, but on their first morning as a married couple, laid in their warm and comfortable bed, Spencer had pulled out this very book and straddled Aaron’s thighs, reading it to him with an earnest expression. He remembers the air being punched out of his chest as he’d looked up at a bright-eyed 27-year-old Spencer who had been through so much already but still held all the grace and innocence he did on his first day at the BAU.

He doesn’t realise he’s crying until a tear runs down his nose and splashes on the page. What really tips him over the edge is reading Spencer’s small, chicken-scratch annotations around the poem, noting different points in their relationship, events between the two of them that prove the words of an Englishman born 400 years earlier.  

It’s so easy for him to doubt how much Spencer loves him - insecurities and the trauma of his separation from Haley consume him far too often - but he’s holding the tangible, physical proof. This is undeniable, this is the evidence his doubtful, damaged heart yearns for, and the furious, raging, endlessly tumultuous waters inside him settle for the first time in weeks.  

⭐️

The second Aaron’s alarm goes off at 6am, he gets started on the plan he’d formed as soon as the words of Shakespeare’s sonnet had sunk in. The email he’d composed the night before is the first thing his laptop screen displays when he powers it on, and he presses send on the uncompromising, demanding letter he’d addressed to Cruz. Finally feeling good about the entire situation, he turns the coffee maker on and gets dressed; Spencer’s an early riser but he’s determined to get to Derek and Penelope’s before he leaves. 

The relief is freeing, and he feels light for the first time in a long time. He hadn’t quite realised just how much it had all been weighing on him until he’d finally found the courage to cut it free. 

Armed with two coffees and Shakespeare’s sonnets, he heads downstairs to the taxi he’d ordered the night before. The city races past in front of the slow and steady sunrise, dawn marking a new chapter in Aaron’s life that he’s determined to make worth it. Slowly the thick of the city fades into the suburbs, and the taxi slows down as they wind through the maze of identical looking streets until they arrive at Derek and Penelope’s home. 

He pays the taxi driver as quickly as possible and sighs in relief at the sight of Spencer’s car still on the drive as he climbs out of the vehicle, carefully balancing his two coffees, still warm in their thermal mugs. Fully aware that Derek and Penelope are absolutely going to chew him out the minute they lay eyes on him, he hesitantly rings the doorbell. 

“Man, what the hell?” Derek exclaims, clearly exasperated as he swings the door open, revealing a sorry looking Aaron Hotchner standing sheepishly on his doorstep. 

“I know,” Aaron replies immediately, trying to portray as much regret and understanding with his body language as is possible when holding two coffees with  your husband’s most prized possession perched precariously under your arm. “I know, I fucked up, and I’m sorry. I need to see Spencer.”

Derek looks thoroughly put out just being in Aaron’s presence, but after a moment or two of hesitation he relents, opening the door wider to let him through. “Alright,” he sighs. “I’ll ask if he’s okay to see you.”

He parks Aaron in the living room and then leaves to go and find Spencer. Only seconds later, he hears the hurried click of kitten heels on the wooden floor and internally cringes; if facing Derek was bad, facing Penelope will be infinitely more painful.

“Aaron Hotchner,” Penelope shouts before she’s even fully entered the living room, “I have never, and I mean never been more disappointed in you. I don’t think you fully appreciate how lucky you are. You may be my boss but that does not mean I will not chew you out when you screw up this bad. Anyone who makes my Spencer cry is in my bad books for at least two weeks. You are in the dog house, you understand me? The dog house.”

She’s thankfully cut off from continuing her rant by Spencer’s shy, hesitant appearance at the doorway. Penelope immediately rushes over and gives him a hug, whispering something in his ear that Aaron doesn’t catch but makes Spencer giggle. She reaches up to ruffle his hair before patting his cheek fondly and casting a furious glare in Aaron’s direction as she vacates the living room. 

“Hi,” Aaron says softly, breaking the silence left in the wake of Storm Penelope. “I bought you a coffee.” 

“What are you doing here, Aaron?” Spencer asks, clearly a little confused but still accepting the drink. 

“I know you said that you’d come home this morning but I had to come and get you,” he replies, standing up from his seat on the couch and taking a few steps forward. “Look… your note last night, it was on top of this book. And in my absent-minded cloud of misery I was looking through it and came across Sonnet 116.”

A flicker of recognition lights up Spencer’s eyes as his face softens a little at the sight of his beloved book.

“Do you remember? Climbing into my lap on our one day wedding anniversary and reading it to me? Back then I was partly distracted by the gorgeous man in my arms but last night… Spencer, the words hit home in a way I haven’t felt before. Not to mention your annotations; I felt like I was reading a journal of our love story, which I know was probably your intention all along.” He shakes his head, trying to get back on track. “I’ve been an idiot, a rotten fool, and I’m so sorry. I emailed Cruz this morning. 

“You did?” Spencer looks up, surprise filling his features for a second before a small, hopeful smile takes over. “What did you say?”

“That I couldn’t continue with the workload and I needed reinforcements. That I would work the same hours for two more weeks to allow them to find an adequate solution, but after that I’ll be reducing my hours to align almost directly with yours,” he says, tentatively gauging Spencer’s reaction. 

It’s made pretty easy for him when Spencer’s hesitantly hopeful smile blossoms into a wide grin, relaxing his posture as relief overtakes his body and he throws himself into Aaron’s arms. Aaron buries his face into his husband’s curls and lets himself breathe easy, feeling infinitely better with Spencer wrapped up in his arms again, just where he belongs. 

“I’m so sorry, baby,” Aaron whispers as he pulls Spencer impossibly closer. 

“I’m sorry, too,” Spencer sighs, nestling his face further into Aaron’s neck. “We both said things we shouldn’t have. But, you’re here now, and that’s what counts.”

“I love you, you know that?” Aaron murmurs, pulling away slightly so he can look Spencer in the eyes, trying to convey his sincerity as well as possible. 

“I know,” he smiles. “I love you, too.”

“Come on, sweetheart,” Aaron says, patting Spencer’s side gently. “Let’s get out of here before Penelope comes to stab me with her high heels.” 

Spencer giggles at that. “I don’t know, maybe, I’d like to see that,” he teases, digging his finger into Aaron’s ribs for good measure. 

“Oh, stop it you,” Aaron smiles fondly before kissing the top of Spencer’s head, feeling happier in this moment than he’d ever thought possible again last night. Peace is finally restored in Aaron Hotchner’s heart, all thanks to one rather ancient English playwright and an academic for a husband. “Let’s go and get Jack,” he says, longing to have his whole family back together, to restore the equilibrium of a tumultuous few weeks. 

Spencer leans down to kiss his shoulder as they walk out of the Morgan-Garcia household, and it’s enough to keep him warm the whole way home.

@strippersenseii @criminalmindsvibez

[coal15]

Wild Speculation Time! Weeeeee!

Okay, so I don’t literally think this will happen or that this is what’s going on, it’s more of an: it would make a lot of the recent strange writing choices make more sense.

Ahem. Let the wild rumpus begin:

I’ve noticed there are persistent off-and-on rumors that Ryan and Oliver don’t get along like they used to. Whether “not getting along” means “not besties” or “I loathe the very sight of you,” who knows. 

If it is true that they don’t get along while at the same time more and more people are not only shipping Buddie, but anti-shipping other options all well? Wow, that is a tricky spot to be in for a showrunner. 

Forcing actors who can barely stand eachother to play love interests is . . . well, it’s been done before in plenty of shows, but it’s certainly not a working environment I’d wanna be a part of. It’s a great way to make everyone on set super uncomfortable, and I don’t want that experience for any of our lovely 911 cast or crew. Bleh. 

So let’s look at other options:

Write both men off the series (which would, by default, get rid of Christopher too). Or  write only one of them off the show. 

Okay. I’m running the show. Who do I write off? The audience does love seeing Eddie in Awesome Protective Dad Mode. But overall it seems like Buck is the more popular character in general, and the audience also loves his bond with Christopher. 

But if you get rid of Eddie, Chris goes with him, right?

And now for the absolutely terrible idea that I could totally see them doing just for the sake of resolving fan displeasure and/or on-set issues:

We all noticed that Eddie and Ana are not only an unpopular pairing, but it almost seems like they’re intentionally boring and w/out chemistry, right? It seems to me like most viewers have noticed that. And they wrote Eddie being a bad parent to Christopher the second he had a chance to get New Pussy in the near future. Unconcerned about bringing Ana into their home without a mask or any distancing, seeming not to care that his son has CP (which is often associated with a weakened immune system). And then not even noticing his kid leaving the house and getting in a car that then drives away. Yeah, he went from sweet concerned father to shitty oblivious father in the space of a single episode. 

Like I said, it’s a terrible idea, I’m not a fan of this idea but what if . . .

They BIG TIME played up the bond between Buck and Christopher while highlighting Eddie’s inexplicable attraction to Ana and how it instantly makes him a worse father on purpose. What if it’s being done to make general viewers less sympathetic toward Eddie. Thus less attached to the character. And by contrast more aware of what a great father Buck is to Christopher? 

I mean, one way of making a ship less popular is to turn half of said ship into an asshat. Hell, they could even spend the back half of S4 and some of S5 slowly morphing Eddie into an outright total douche if they wanted to. Then give his character some kind of “semi-redemption-then-he-dies-at-the-end-of-the-episode” send-off to close out his arc.

“BUT WOULDN’T THAT DESTROY CHRIS?!?” You bellow at your phone after reading those words. “PERISH THE THOUGHT YOU HORRIBLE HORRIBLE MONSTER PERSON!!!”

And yeah. With the way their relationship has been written up to this point it would be basically awful. But many a show has been willing to retcon an entire character and/or relationship history if it suits a narrative they wanna push. Not saying it’s a good thing to do, it’s usually not. Just saying it’s not unprecedented in TV Land. (and sometimes the only workable option if a drastic change simply has to be made for whatever reason) 

Anyhow, my point being : if the showrunners wanted to get rid of Eddie but keep Christopher and his adorable relationship with Buck, they might think that their best option is to gradually (or not so gradually) morph Eddie into an uninvolved and/or shitty parent, while at the same time highlighting Buck’s evolution into a full-on paternal presence in Chris’s life. Aaaaaaaannnnnnd then write Ryan off the show via whatever means while making it clear that he wants Buck to take custody of Chris in the event of his absence or death. 

Can’t say enough: I DON’T LIKE THE IDEA, but it would make several recent and super bizarre writing and casting choices make more sense. This is a show that usually does a great job with matching for chemistry. Athena and Bobby, Maddie and Chim, etc. Even Buck and Ali had . . . well, not terrible chemistry. Same goes for Taylor. Which makes it so strange that Eddie and Ana are such a huge dud. Even outside of “interfering” with Buddie, the actors simply have no chemistry at all. Which wouldn’t be weird if we didn’t have so many examples of the same damn show getting it spot-on right. Part of me believes it has got to be intentional. 

Which gives us 3 likely(ish) possibilities:

1) They planned to straight-wash both characters all along and the utter lack of chemistry between Eddieana and ooc Eddie were simply poor writing/casting choices. Or that we’ll soon be moving on to Eddie’s “the one” (also female, of course)

2) Every writing choice in the last ep was actually designed to showcase the stifling awkwardness of Eddie with a “girlfriend” while also showcasing how much Buck already fits into the Diaz family as a parental figure. Basically nudging the general audience toward the idea of an official Buckley-Diaz family. 

3) Eddie’s shitty parenting and tight Buck+Christopher bond will continue to escalate, highlighted more and more, until the audience dislikes Eddie and loves Christopher+Buck enough that writing Ryan off the show is a hell of a lot less risky. 

I know Christopher has already been through so much trauma-but the Eddie Diaz I saw in the last episode is probably the last person (besides Ana) I would want guiding him through yet more trauma. If we’re going by this last episode alone? Yeah, that should be Buck’s job.

OH! Nevermind, there is a 4th possibility:

4) They just straight up re-cast Eddie and have the other characters make a few offhand comments like “did you change your hair? You look different,” and the show goes on as if he’s always been played by Mr.NewActor. 

(Or I guess they could re-cast Buck instead, but I’m honestly less attached to Ryan as THE Eddie, so if I had to choose? Like, me personally? I’d pick Ryan for the ax. Sorry Ryan. Best of luck in the future, but I can’t imagine anyone besides Oliver playing Buck)

[lesbianrobin]

have u done an analysis on endgame st ships? a penny for ur thoughts

i have not!! i would like two pennies please. my thoughts are not actually worth that much but i think i deserve them anyway. i’m gonna talk about some stuff that may seem unrelated or only loosely related to the question but i prommy it’s relevant <3 warning this ended up being like a thousand words somehow idk how that happened but i’m putting it under a cut bc i’m nice like that.

so! something that’s kinda unique/interesting to me about stranger things is how all of their ships are so clearly telegraphed and quickly developed. there’s a sense of... impatience, for lack of a better word. on the surface, it appears to be largely an effect of the cinematic style of the show; there’s very little room for questioning who someone’s gonna end up with or for slowly developing a relationship over time when you only get eight episodes every like. twoish years. AND you have about a dozen main characters AND evil government forces AND monsters from another dimension. it’s a lot to juggle!

stranger things has a lot to accomplish in a pretty short amount of time. the timeline of a single season usually spans no more than a week (excluding flashbacks/end-of-season timeskips), and well... nobody wants the important stuff to happen offscreen! i’ll use the stoncy love triangle as an example: jancy was originally intended to get together at the end of s1 after steve’s death, but since they decided to let steve redeem himself and survive, there was just no time to separate stancy and get jancy together without it seeming wayyy too abrupt. since jancy was always their plan, they didn’t want to leave nancy with steve, but they knew they couldn’t just have that boyfriend swap occur offscreen... which is why s2 Had to have a stancy breakup plot in order for the writers to accomplish their goal of getting jancy together.

the main characters in stranger things tend to maintain homeostasis between seasons, their circumstances and relationships rarely changing any more than the audience might have just assumed they would anyway (like lucas and max dancing together + sharing a kiss at the end of s2 and officially dating by the start of s3). steve and nancy are dating at the end of s1, so they must still be dating at the start of s2, and thus we must break them up DURING s2. joyce and hopper are friends with some deeply buried feelings in s2, so they’re friends with Less Buried feelings that must become apparent during s3. excluding the stancy situation (for reasons which i think are obvious but i will talk more about later), momentum is always forwards. mileven, lumax, and jancy argue, but they come back together, presumably more mature and stronger than before. 

all of this is to say that stranger things has thus far been rather dedicated to their starting ships. there isn’t much misdirection; mike’s crush on el is obvious from the start, nancy and jonathan share charged moments even while she is with steve in the beginning, lucas shows interest in max immediately and shares more significant interactions with her than the other boys from early on in s2, and the deep loyalty and care between joyce and hop is always apparent. steve and robin (initially intended to be together romantically) hold hands quite early in s3 and dustin asks steve about whether he likes her. 

the point? stranger things doesn’t dick around when it comes to love! they handle their ships with remarkable efficiency. in each season, it tends to be pretty obvious from the start who’s going to end up with who, and heading into the show’s fourth season, almost everybody is paired off: mike and el, max and lucas, joyce and hop, nancy and jonathan. which leaves us asking... are all of them going to last until the end?

we’ve only had one true breakup on the show so far, and as i’ve said before, the stancy breakup is an anomaly as it was essentially “righting a wrong,” allowing jonathan and nancy to get together as they were intended to do from the start. the only other romantic relationship to end on the show was between joyce and bob, and well... we all know why that ended, and it started/ended within the confines of a single season. 

stranger things tends to treat each season as an extended film, right? they draw inspiration from classic 80′s films, and each subsequent season after s1 is treated as a sequel (they are Literally referred to as stranger things 2 and stranger things 3). when they introduce tension in a season, they’re inclined to resolve that tension by the season’s end so that people leave satisfied, while also providing a plot hook for the next “sequel” for audiences to theorize about. this hook is always part of the grander plot, not a will-they-won’t-they tease or something else of the sort. remember, they could have broken up steve and nancy in s2 and waited to get jancy together in s3, but they didn’t! they wanted to go ahead and resolve the tension! 

while there are narrative and practical incentives that i’ve covered for this impatience/efficiency/[insert better word i can’t think of here], i also think it kinda reveals something about the writers of the show. to some degree, they genuinely care about and want their ships to be together! we’ve watched them introduce new characters just to kill them off a couple of times now, and i think it’s fair to say that the writers might be a bit too attached to the mains to consider killing any of them off (at least prior to the series finale). maybe... this reluctance to kill their darlings extends to ships.

romance isn’t the primary draw of the show, but an indulgence, something that there may not always be time for but that the writers continue to prioritize as much as they can because they enjoy it, or feel that it is important to the overall product. if we accept this idea, that the inclusion of and focus on so many romantic relationships in stranger things is (to some degree) indicative of the writers’ own desires, then it might inform our speculation regarding endgame ships.

i’m not here to like... really actually assert that i know what’ll be endgame, because i don’t really know jack shit. however, i do think that the writers are pretty invested in all of the current canon st ships (and yes, i am including jopper in that, as their romantic development was explicit in s3). i also think that the writers like catering to fans, leaning into popular jokes (steve “the hair” harrington) and devoting more and more time to the ships fans obsess over (particularly mileven). 

with this all in mind... i really think that most if not all of the current canon ships will be endgame. 

i think that barring any extreme circumstances (i.e. a character Actually dying instead of just fake dying) jopper will be endgame. they’re the only ones that the writers have had the restraint to actually do a slow burn with, and i really can’t see them devoting so much to developing their dynamic just to say it was all for nothing in the end. 

i’m less confident on the others. there are some signs in canon that the remaining couples have some serious problems and may not last, but these issues are often dismissed, played for comedy or brushed over within the text itself, and many of the details within the text contradicting this dismissal are often so small that it’s unclear whether they’re intentional or not. while breaking up mileven might make perfect sense for a fan who reads into subtext and pays attention to unusual acting choices and subtle parallels, it would be a pretty risky move on the surface level. allowing these ships to remain canon for awhile and garner large fanbases only to break them up later would require both a willingness to actively contradict the desires of their audience as well as a certain degree of restraint in their romantic storytelling, which runs counter to the impression i personally have of the st writers (this is, of course, my own personal opinion).

there’s a good chance that at least one of the current canon ships will break up by the end, if only because i think that it would be a little boring if every relationship stayed the same for almost the entirety of the show’s run, and the stranger writers like to keep things new and exciting. perhaps long distance will kill jancy or mileven, or lucas and max will go off again and never come back on, but either way i wouldn’t be surprised if we got a breakup in s4. even with that, though, i think it’s somewhat likely that a current couple may break up in s4 and get back together for the series finale, just for the sake of a little suspense. overall, though, i feel like our current canon ships are going to be more or less the same at the end of the show.

that’s about it. i suppose i didn’t really... answer the question you asked skdndsdkjc i feel like you probably just wanted to know like if i’m a byler endgame truther (which i am not but i could happily be proven wrong). thank you for asking, though! i hope this made at least a little bit of sense.

[jon-astronaut]

Hey friend! Your Skam content has been a gift! So, I have a really random question (I don't know if you've answered a similar one)... But I know that Skam Turkey would probably not be good (especially because of RTÜK)... but if you had the free time and all the creative power, what would you like to see of Skam Turkey?

Helloooo! First of all, thank you for liking my Skam conteeent! I just do things I wish existed ahahah

And, thank you for this question but get ready for a loooong answer! I didn’t answer anything like this before. I only explained why a Skam Turkey wouldn’t work - as you said because of RTÜK (the government institution that regulates television, radio, online content).

I actually thought a lot about this before!

I would base it in İstanbul because it’s where I am living. I know the show would be so different placed in somewhere else but İstanbul feels nice and feels diverse enough.

so season 1, i guess would be pretty similar. I don’t think I would change much of the plot points. except the parties if happening would be smaller in scale. and instead of parties mostly they would hang at bars in kadıköy, beşiktaş, taksim a lot.

they would be studying in one of the ‘good highschools’ (not a private one).

Since Turkish shows are filled with a lot of romance I think it would be important to show a close female friend group!!! they would have sleepovers and braid each other’s hair and get each other coffee every morning from the canteen! sit together in classes! have big breakfasts in kadıköy!

I knew people that smoke weed in high school but I kinda had a niche high school experience so Eva would be against smoking and Jonas could just be smoking cigarettes. Jonas would be quite political. Maybe going to protests in Kadıköy and getting tear gased! Using his twitter a lot!

I would change William's character a lot in s1. Instead of the whole sleeping with Vilde etc. it could be just flirting and giving her hope and him being a kind of a jerk because he would think he was so cool. In the end, he wouldn’t be that toxic. (we don’t need that message! but he doesn’t need to be perfect either)

we would see the stress of the university entrance exam creeping up! eva would feel insecure and have fights with her parents about her grades  and about her perfomance in dershane (private courses)! jonas doing so well wouldn’t help either

The girl squad would be the same. Turkish Sana would be a hijabi Muslim and maybe Chris would be a little conservative. Then, Noora and Eva and Vilde would be more relaxed in terms of drinking etc. Vilde could still make her ignorant comments on Islam.

(i think that part’s important because even if Turkey is known as a muslim country there are a lot of people who live the religion in their own terms. as someone who doesn’t have anybody hijabi in her immediate family i had a lot of ignorant questions too)

so s2,

Noora would be the person to keep up with the news of all the murdered women! She would constantly bring that up in hopes to educate others! And her article in the end would be about that. (she would defend #istanbulsözleşmesi #istanbulagreement)

the season would open up with noora and the girls at an 8th of march parade where the police would be there and they would run away!

Vilde would have moved on and there wouldn’t be the whole William forcing Noora to go on a date. Instead Noora would be hesitant because his action’s last year would clash with her feminist ideals. they would get together earlier!

the auction penetrators does could be for some women organization!

the sexual assault storyline would happen mid season and we would see noora go to the police etc. and the whole process!

william wouldn’t leave after finding out...we don’t need to see smt like that on Turkish tv anymore. instead in a teaching moment for the viewers he wouldn’t judge her. and not ask anything like her clothing, the drinking even if noora expected him to

(seeing her legal process is important because it takes a long time in Turkey and most of the time people don’t get punished. jonas and others would help with a twitter campaign)

in s3, william would be studying abroad and him and noora would be doing long-distance successfully!

s3 is the trickiest one and i am changing a lot, (since this the ideal world let’s imagine i can actually put in a gay character)

isak’s mother would accept him immediately but his father could have issues. i feel like the homophobia needs to be shown someway.

even would be a transfer student in their last year. and in 12th grade there would be a big background story of the university entrance exam. isak and even could meet at a study session designed by the school

in early parts of the season, we could see a lot of ‘i don’t have a problem with gay people as long as they are away from me, they don’t shove their sexuality in my face’ type of thinking from the people around. maybe some class discussions.

the boy squad would be wholesome!  they would still make some weird jokes but they will learn better! they wouldn’t be skaters but they would hang out at places like kadıköy, beşiktaş a lot! maybe they could do like a little band of their own!

the internalized homophobia would be strong (but never using slurs kind of) and isak would really force himself to be with emma.

when they finally kiss instead of going for more isak would run away. and then when they see each other at school they would talk and isak would say smt like ‘let’s forget about that’

him and eva would be close friends and while talking with her about relationships he would realize it was unfair to emma and break up with her.

here comes eskild! it would be noora’s older brother who is studying in a well known university and who is openly gay! they would run into each other somehow and isak would see that he could be himself. that there are people like him. (later on the boy squad gets like lectures, lessons from him to educate themselves on different sexualities)

then, he would go to a bar even is in and they talk and pinky touches and go back to even’s. make out, spend time etc. there is no sonja storyline. instead it’s them getting together.

the mental ilness storyline stays! and isak would see even’s episode instead of waking up with him gone. he would dial his parents’ numbers and learn everything!

then, even would talk a lot about himself and explain how he feels and how is everything for him!

WAITJONAS! jonas would be such a good friend and i think the whole carelessness of skam wouldn’t work. instead he would be careless about it at first like ‘oh he is good looking’ then he would apologize for the old jokes and swears he would be better! GIVES ISAK A BIG HUG THE PHYSICAL CONTACT IS IMPORTANT! then jonas makes his mission the end homophobes on twitter and irl!

(this convo would happen either at moda sahil or in beşiktaş while eating balık ekmek which fish and bread)

(i would change a lot because i think a more positive and a more distilled portrayal is important and isak and even navigating their relationship should be seen more.)

sadly, at school in the street etc. they would never be seen kissing, holding hands. but eskild would take everybody to his university for a tour one day (there is still the university entrance exam) and isak and even would be themselves there.

s4 is also tricky and actually somehow some part of og skam works, 

sana would feel isolated because the others are not practicing like her and some are not even believing. she would feel weird when fasting because vilde and noora would suggest getting coffee after school without second thinking.

let’s get political! she would have a hard time convincing people she wasn’t supporting the government. maybe some political debates in class and people would stare at her thinking she would say something old fashioned etc. (this would come up in s3 with isak first. isak would see her hanging with turkish eskild and it would click for him that it doesn’t matter for sana)

sana and jonas would bond over politics!

yousef’s story always felt familiar for me so he would be a non-believer  (or if i felt brave enough he would be Kurdish and there would be a whole conversation about it) so that whole storyline happens without the noora kiss.

i would have even be exes with one of sana’s brother’s friends - much like skamit! we need some muslim gay represantation!

and instead of the fight between the boys there would be this coldness because of jealousy from isak. a fight almost breaks but even and jonas stops it while the other two boys are ready to jump the others. the episode would end with isak and even arguing sana hearing it.

next, isak and sana would have the bench talk. the whole answering the ignorant questions would be said and then they would ask each other that. in a respectful way of course. stuff like isak asking about ‘can a muslim be gay?’ and sana asking about ‘how did you realized you liked boys?’ etc.

(i am trying to teach people here)

about now sana realizes he could be with yousef regardless. and they talk.

the girls would plan an afterparty with the others in their year for after the prom! sana wouldn’t feel welcome there - it’s a club. and the fights etc.

the girls would come to sana’s home and apologize saying they want to do better learn more!

also a convo with maybe chris and eva - sana being a hijabi muslim who fasts and prays, chris being maybe loosely fasting and praying in her own way and eva who doesn’t do anything but still believes in God and considers herself Muslim and how they all feel!

then the farewell stuff would happen with banners and slogans! and they would dress up in their school’s colors!

after this sana would meet up with yousef and they would go on an official date. and it would be like they would hold hands while walking and hug but not kissess (at least not in public)

one of the final clips would be a long table in one of the characters’s home where they are having iftar! everybody made the foods, william comes back, jonas and eva gets together!

and the graduation ceremony! everybody crying! and finally a few shots of isak and even in the pride where it gets cancelled/tear gased every year! eskild would be there too! and even some other friends supporting them!

oh wow! i guess you didn’t expect this when you asked! i was halfway into this when i realized you just asked what i would like to see and i was here giving you an outline...

anyway, basically i would love to see the female friendship part being emphasized, seeing noora’s sexual asault plot in a bigger way and seeing the results, the homophobia of turkey and the hope regardless and the coming together of different ways of Islam!!!!!

if you want to bounce off ideas i am always opeeeen! and hope you liked this little turkish skam versiooon!

[steve0discusses]

Yugioh S4 Ep 23: Roland Freaks Out for 25 Straight Minutes

Oh man, took a break from the blog for a bit there because I gave myself a project to do that is 160ish color panels to draw by June 30th and um...it takes a while to do that, it turns out. Every time I’m like “wow I actually have enough time to make a buffer for the blog” I get so distracted.

But anyways, I started having some issues with my wacom tablet, my mouse is a nightmare, and so...I’m just gonna look the other way and write a recap and unplug all of the wacom stuff and just stay the hell away from whatever happened to that...tablet.

maybe It’ll be fine tomorrow?

*sweats nervously*

Thank God I didn’t buy a cintique, that’s all I’ll say. 

Anyway, lets go back to Yugioh. Where were we?

That’s right. Mokuba is checking in with my favorite Kaiba, Roland, who is currently just trying to keep the company running while the official Kaibas are flying to California.

And I’ll be honest, as I was typing this I thought “and why are they going to California again?” and it took me like...10 minutes to remember that Seto dropped absolutely everything and jumped on this massive plane in order to beat Rafael at cards to win the title “King of Games” which...Yugi had already lost to Rebecca about 2 years ago prior, but don’t tell that to Seto. Or Rebecca.

Also don’t tell Seto that the “King of Games” title originally comes from being possessed by a very emo ghost that has a tendency to set people on fire with Russian whiskey and has nothing to do with whatever shenanigans went down with Pegasus.

Honestly, I like to think that in the modern version of this show, Pegasus threw the “King of Games” line out there as like a corny joke, and when the teenagers started latching onto it like it was real, he was like “Oh what?” and left it alone because he just got his left eye ripped out of his face and was very distracted by the large amount of cultists in his basement that he suddenly needed to let go.

But youknow it’s the end of the world, Kaiba’s company is being bought out by a competitor, one of Dartz’ assassins are trying to kill both him and his brother, but he has to go to California immediately to play Rafael while he has the chance. Not sure how Alister got the tip-off that Kaiba would be flying back to California so quickly, but knowing the Kaibas, they probably jump on a plane several times a week.

I’m just still baffled that Mokuba’s doing this over a cell phone. That he was like “I better call someone.” and instead of calling the Airline or the Coastguard he’s like “I’ll call Roland💗”

I’m pretty sure Roland saw that phone ringing with Mokuba in the callerID and was like “NO NO NO NO NO”

(read more under the cut)

Luckily for Roland, everyone at Kaiba corp has to learn how to fly planes in order to pass the entry exam.

For reals though, that plane just casually bumped off a mountain like it’s in Diddy Kong Racing.

There’s a lot of levels of brother’s saving brothers in this episode. You have Seto who thinks he’s saving Mokuba, but in fact it is Mokuba saving Seto by keeping this plane afloat. And then in reality, you can take another brother step backward and say it was Roland who was saving Mokuba who was saving Seto by giving the phone to that rando, and take even another step backward and say it was this Random Guy who was saving Roland who was saving Mokuba who was saving Seto.

So in reality, no brothers were really able to save eachother, it was actually that one secretary at the desk who screamed “JUST PULL THE LEVER HARDER, I DUNNO” until it worked.

But just remember that the theme of this episode is brothers saving brothers, although Mokuba is too small to really fly this plane, and Seto is too crazy to stop this duel and Roland is not really the secret inept heir of the Kaiba bloodline, and only in my little headcanon.

And also, I just have no idea who that random secretary is.

Anyways, Alister made this thing happen on the field.

Hey guys?

How many guns do you need on a tank?

Like I...

That is a hilarious amount of guns on this tank.

Like every character designer part of me is dying right now. It’s when you’re learning Maya, and you finally figure out the duplicate tool, and you just--you just strap a billion guns on a spaceship. We’ve all done this.

But like...this gunship has a face, and that face has it’s own tiny Oricalchos.

All I’m saying is that Alister is having a hell of a time in his Maya 101 class he takes at the local community college when he’s not busy working for Kaiba Corp Airlines or busy killing people for Dartz. I want to know what grade he got on this project, because in my Maya classes the only people who were this dedicated were building weird ass warships for their games or building intense 3D My Little Pony fanfic.

Here’s a list I can think of from the top of my head of challenges Seto Kaiba either quit or completely failed outright (basically the times Seto has NOPEd out or been forcibly kicked out):

-Joey Wheeler’s many challenges and also Spanish Class (as mentioned above)

-Beating Yugi in a card game

-Not joining Pegasus’ tourney initially so he could go on a vacation.

-We’ll just assume he’s only taken like a bunch of random college classes but only got an honorary degree

-Chess (like he was a Grand Master at one point but wtv, cards exist now)

-Didn’t arrest the Big Five or remove them from his mmo so they freakin died in there.

-Being the actual owner of the Millennium Rod

-Every time Yami tells him that they should be friends

-That whole story line where he was dating a dragon in a past life

-fulfilling that prophecy of killing Yami in the present timeline to end the world

-attempting to blow up his own battle city tournament before it was over because he didn’t win

-Getting all 3 Godcards

-When a possessed Tristan appeared over a mountain top to duel everyone and Seto just went “I’m out” and simply walked away

-Flying a blimp from point A to point B without it setting on fire

-Getting his Dad to build an amusement park

-Just anything to do with Noah

-the existence of magic in general

-every attempt he’s had to rebrand Kaiba Corp as “funtime games inc I swear we don't make tanks anymore, stop looking at all the tanks”

-Seto Kaiba’s entire Destiny storyline this season that he has gone way out of his way to get away from.

And like I’m sure there’s more, but I feel like half of Kaiba’s MO is that he is either Too Good To Bother With This or he has Lost Everything Very Dramatically. Mokuba at least has the right idea, by being one of the few people who has beaten Yugi Muto by peacing out halfway through the duel and stealing all Yugi’s stuff off of Yugi’s side of the table.

Anyway, despite it being like...5 seconds since we saw Roland in a weird cyber room in what I assume was Japan, we now see him with his head pressed against the glass of this helicopter being like “BOYS NO NOT AGAIN WHY”

And youknow, Roland was just trying to do the right thing, but he accidentally made things a million times worse by just showing up.

And so Alister was like “well I better crash the plane now with this gust of green energy that destroys all mechanical equipment.”

Really not sure how Alister was planning to leave this plane after this duel was over. I don’t know if he thinks that far ahead.

this isn’t even a joke I made up, Roland really did run up to the pilot and was like “Just throw down some ladders! That should work!” and it’s like...Do you not see the giant ship covered in a thousand guns right now, Roland?

And then Alister and Seto decide to have a fight about ethics where they’re both pretty wrong.

I mean it’s not the exact line but yes this is basically what Seto said, point blank, and I was like “well...at least he owns it.”

So cards happen, dragons get played (so MANY dragons) and because we had to end this arc, Alister loses the duel as we kind of knew he would.

And then Mokuba, because he knows no other life, sees an asshole older brother in pain and just wants to adopt him.

Enjoy that trauma tossed onto your already megalith sized trauma pile, Mokuba.

Elsewhere, the legendary dragons have started syncing again, which is a weird thing that they can do that none of these guys have any control of.

Mostly it just irritates whoever is holding these cards at the time.

But behold! the glory!

The glory of three tubby dragons wielding a plane!

It’s what Kaiba always wanted but he had absolutely no idea he was doing it. Will anyone tell him that he managed to summon three dragons to fly him around the sky like a mamma bird? No. No one bothers to tell him that his wildest dreams just came true.

FYI There were other stills of more of the dragons and the plane, but I kept pausing on instances where it kinda looked like they were humping the plane so I gave up.

But, at least we all get to meet up, around the smoke coming out the back of this giant plane that now...will just sit here...until someone sues KaibaCorp over it, I guess.

Like a soccermom, now Roland gets to give the whole frenemy crew a ride with...copters or whatever.

I dont’ know how Roland got here, y’all.

This happens a lot with animated shows, youknow, there’s a lot of plot threads, a lot of scenes and episodes that get freelanced out and outsourced, and people who make these shows aren’t working on the whole thing at once, they’re just going off of director notes--so there’s a good chance they had no idea that Roland...just shouldn’t be here.

But it’s OK, I enjoy whenever Roland is panicking in the background. He’s good set dressing.

Seto does not give any more explanation of this corpse.

And then, sprinting as fast as he could out of his copter comes Roland, who does what Roland does best. It’s this moment where you would usually see a parental figure reveal how much they care and adore their little children. But because it’s Roland, and these are the Kaibas, he instead takes this moment to reveal exactly how inept he is at the very last second.

Never change, Roland. I love this massive green haired disappointment.

Anyway, I’m not sure when I’ll get the next update out, since I’ll be knee deep in drawing art I don’t need to draw, but just know I’m not dead. Usually I post fanart or whatever, but all I have is this Dartz I started drawing but he just has so much hair that I don’t think that one will ever get even remotely finished.

But anyway, if you just got here, this is a link to read these from the start.

[tecnixfairy]

Personal Ranking | Winx Club Fairies

This is based on the events of of all Seasons (though mostly S1-S4), my interpretation of the show and (partially) the Winx Club Wiki. 

Surprisingly enough this is MY opinion, partially substantiated with facts. My opinion is mine, you can agree or disagree all you want. I am in no way trying to offend anyone by giving my opinion on fictional characters in a kids show.

Capiche?

I want to point out that just because characters are low on my list that it does not mean I hate them per se. I’m simply limited to rating 6 characters, and one has to be all the way at the bottom. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t random, however just because someone is at the bottom it does not mean I hate them; or think they shouldn’t be in the show. 

So let’s start with my least favorite fairy shall we? 

6. Bloom

Why Bloom you say? Well, in all honesty even as a child I didn’t like Bloom all that much. To me she was always too perfect in a sense. Like yeah she’s quirky and doesn’t know much, but that is such a typical trick used by writers to try to hide the fact that they made her super over powering compared to like everyone else. The idea that a normal person suddenly discovers magical powers and then becomes one of the most powerful creatures in their universe is already a major cliché. 

On top of that the writers made her more and more of a Mary Sue as time went on, and after Seaons 4 pretty much all of the little personality that she had disappeared and she was just the “do good, all good, always right, all powerful” dragon fairy. In the first season she’s interesting for what she is but her character arc isn’t satisfying. She goes from being the quirky all-good powerful fairy to being the perfect all-good most powerful fairy off all. Like really, if Bloom is so powerful why doesn’t she just blast all their damn enemies away? She can clearly do it. 

Of course the show would be over very quickly, but if a writer runs into those problems it is not their job to create more bizarre obstacles, or ignore the power they’ve previously clearly possessed, but to take a step back and maybe dial down the character entirely.

Another issue I have with Bloom is her “courage”. Yes, courage is good, but with Bloom it’s so annoying and frankly... dangerous. This falls back into the Mary Sue trope I mentioned. This is another thing writers often do to cover up the fact that they’ve created an overpowering character. Bloom is always pushing everything, and everyone, and it gets annoying! She’s always the one to be like “C’mon girls, let’s do this!” and then they run off to do something that they shouldn’t even be able to do. I have to be fair on the show Season 1 does this the least, in S1 Bloom is still coming out of her shell, but after that it just gets extremely irritating.

5. Musa

So, Musa. Where to start with her? I want to come out right and say, make clear once more, that just because she’s low on my list it does not mean I hate her. In previous discussions it has been a misconception that I do, but I don’t hate Musa in the slightest. 

What I however do hate is how pretty much her entire personality is I love music, my moms dead & I get upset over Riven. I could never relate to Musa, she’s far too sensitive and impulsive (dumb you could call it as well) for my liking. I think Musa could’ve been a great character to me had her personality been more individual as oppose to majorly revolving around her relationship with Riven. I don’t mind sensitive and impulsive characters, but I am severely against toxic relationships like that of Musa and Riven. 

My issue with Musa lies more with the show itself than the character. I think it is irresponsible of a kids show to promote relationships like that of Musa and Riven. Their relationship is toxic and I feel a dread whenever I think about a young child who looks up to Musa, because they also love music, and naively finds her relationship with Riven an inspiration. The show already pushes this idea on young girls that they need a boyfriend, and when it promotes toxic relationships like that of Musa and Riven it can be severely damaging. 

I can’t rank Musa any higher because for me Musa’s character has been mostly defined by her romantic relationship. Yes, she loves music, is sensitive and has a dead mother, but really that is all I get to know about her; especially since her relationship with Riven is so damn distracting. 

I think Musa should’ve broken up with Riven for his abusive attitude and that she should’ve stayed a single queen. It would overall send out a much better message to younger audiences. 

4. Stella

Stella... there’s a lot to take in. I actually really like Stella, I adore her character especially in the first couple of seasons. However later seasons ruin her character, and not just like a little bit. No they took Stella’s character, and then a bulldozer, and then ran over Stella’s character with that bulldozer 30 times in a row. Then looked down at the dusted up remains of the character and tried to rebuilt her with that remaining dust, the product?; Stella Season 5 and beyond! 

As a child I didn’t like Stella; she was too girly for my liking, but I grew a love and appreciation for her character over time. She is a strong, smart and kind human being that just also happens to be very pretty! She is always there for her friends, and although sometimes being a bit ignorant she always feels bad when she hurts her friends feelings, it never feels like she’s overly self-centered because she actually understands what she does wrong most of the time. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a pretty girly girl type person, however the show DESTROYS everything they built for Stella after Season 4. 

S5 STELLA AND BEYOND IS THE WORST THING EVER! HOW COULD THEY DO THIS TO MY PRECIOUS BBY STELLA!?!?  What did they do you ask? THEY MADE HER A TYPICAL DUMB BLONDE. 

I feel pure rage over the “development” of Stella over the seasons. She went from being a kind, confident, stylish young lady in Season 4 to being a dumb, self-centered blonde girl in Season 5. I am disgusted. The writers were doing so well! I praise the show for not making her dumb blonde from the start, because it would’ve been so easy! But they didn’t, at first. But then Season 5 came along and suddenly all she can care about is her effing hair and nails! 

3. Aisha/Layla

I've heard it before, and I’ll probably hear it another million times “If the black character isn’t your favorite, that means you’re (secretly) racist.”

This is obviously complete and utter bullshit. My opinion is my opinion regardless of the characters ethnic background or skin color. In fact it genuinely disgusts me how S8 and WOW white washed Aisha, and it is the very reason I refuse to watch any future seasons. 

So, let’s chat Aisha, shall we? Don’t get me wrong here, I actually really like Aisha. However I had to make a tricky decision when making this list; having a clear idea of who I wanted at 6 and who I wanted at 1 but having difficulty with everything in between. Aisha isn’t here because I have an issue with her character; she simply isn’t any better to me than the following characters. 

Aisha, although an undeniable badass, never really appealed to me all that much. I think it is partially to do with her coming in in the second season; and barely any time being spent on her as a character later on aside from her quest to help the pixies. I hate how her grief over Nabu, and Nabu’s death, is pretty much glossed over and they give her a new love interest almost instantly. No they don’t start dating until later, but it’s very heavily inclined that Roy (and later Nex) is supposed to be her love interest. Aisha should have, just like I said with Musa, been a single queen. You don’t just get over the death of your engaged, and the show acts like it’s nothing; that you’ll just be sad for a bit and then get over it when another handsome boy comes along.

Aside from my irritation with the love interests I adore her for being a strong character; which I’m sure many young people can look up to, and I certainly don’t dislike her character. She’s a solid characters with a lot of strong motivations which I can very much appreciate. Out off all the Winx she feels most genuinely determined to reach he goals; yes so is Bloom but with Bloom it doesn’t feel as genuine, it just feels like blind courage. While with Aisha it truly feels like she has motivations for the goals she wants to reach. 

2. Flora

Flora is a lovely character, and just like with Stella I feel like they ruined her as time went on which is a shame. I know Flora is the favorite of a lot of people, and it’s very clear to see why. 

To me she is most relatable; she’s compassionate, smart and is overall a beautiful being both inside and out. I have very little issues with Flora as a character, she’s lovely and I feel there is no glaring issues to address. In terms of being a role model to a younger audience I’d say she’s a fine role model; she has no glaring personality issues or major drama she goes through. The fact that she gets upset over Crystal in S5 feels extremely out of character, but like I said, just like with Stella they pretty much ruined her character as time went on. S1 through S4 Flora is a wonderful character and I entirely understand why she’s the favorite of so many that watch the show. 

Personally I have always adored her as well; I like her connection with nature and her compassion was something I looked up to as a kid. Yes she still has flaws, just like any of the other girls, but her flaws aren’t flaunter nor made an issue of. She’s a bit insecure (S1-S3/4) which is fine, she gets encouraged by her friends to be more confident and overtime she has her own mini character arc. It’s not major, and her character isn’t ground breaking, but she is a lovely character and a picture perfect example of what a main character in a kids show should be like; a good role model.

1. Tecna

You already knew this was coming, of course! She’s the last one left. Plus I make it fairly clear she’s my favorite. 

I know a lot of people don’t like Tecna, but I absolutely adore her character. So much so that I already, previously, wrote an entire blog post about it. But I’ll summarize it a little bit. 

Tecna is my personal favorite fairy because she has a lot of qualities that I admire; she’s confident, grounded, modest, loyal and extremely intelligent. I’ve heard people complain that she’s their least favorite because she’s too serious; but that’s her purpose! Within this group of highly emotional and impulsive people you need someone to be a voice of logic and reason. Someone that doesn’t get highly emotional over everything, someone that thinks before they act! I tell you, without Tecna all the girls would’ve been dead a long time ago. 

Back to the role model thing I keep mentioning; I think Tecna is a good role model for the younger audience that watches Winx Club. She’s confident but modest, she’s super smart; and when she doesn’t know something she always tries to figure it out. She also has the most healthy romantic relationship out of the 6 girls and I personally think that’s worth applauding as well. 

So, that’s my take on things. As always, feel free to express your own opinion; as long as you do it in a civil way. I would love to hear what others think and feel on the matter, whether that be about what I said or simply their own ranking.

[mittensmorgul]

9.06, Heaven Can't Wait.

YAY! BOBO!

so I neglected to mention Buddy Boyle and Bartholomew the fallen angel, and all the angel factions forming in the 9.03 report because I was trying to get through it as fast as possible, but ugh... guess I gotta mention them eventually. There, I mentioned them, just about as much as this episode did. :P

But this is directly relevant to Cas's current state of mind, which is relevant to the overall plot of this episode, because of Rit Zien angel and why he's come to this town where Cas has tried to make a life for himself as Sales Associate Steve. The Rit Zien seeks out pain-- originally mortal wounds on battlefields-- and either heals or else "humanely puts down" angels he cannot heal. Except, as Cas will explain in this episode, he doesn't understand human emotions, and that emotional pain is temporary... and then we learn that the Rit Zien was drawn to this town by the magnitude of Cas's suffering specifically. Which, if that's not a statement on Cas's current emotional state, I don't know what is.

The first victim we see is a man who literally hangs up on a suicide prevention hotline because he lost his wife. He even has a gun, but changes his mind when faced with the Rit Zien, but he gets exploded into pink goo anyway.

The next is a high school girl suffering a normal level of teenage angst, telling a friend she could just die of embarrassment because her boyfriend broke up with her in the cafeteria in front of everyone but in no way meaning it literally, and poof... pain disintegrated.

Despite his own pain having been kicked out of the bunker and feeling completely abandoned by Dean, Cas still calls Dean to alert him to the strange cases in town, but tells Dean he won't participate in the hunt. Dean manages to track Cas down working at the Gas N Sip anyway (Cas never told him where he worked), and pulls Cas into working the case with him.

There's the whole Nora thing, which Cas thought was a date but was actually a babysitting job... When the Rit Zien shows up for Cas, he thinks it's for the baby, running a fever and crying. But he's actually there for Cas.

CASTIEL: How'd you find me? EPHRAIM: Because you're warded? The same way I find all my patients – I just followed the sound of your pain. You have no idea how loud it is. I could hear you for miles.

And then the question we've been waiting on an answer for ever since:

EPHRAIM: Shh-shh-shhh. It'll be over soon. I'll take the pain away. CASTIEL: I want to live. EPHRAIM: But as what, Castiel? As an angel? or a man?

Because back in s9, this question remains directly tied to PAIN. To SUFFERING.

CASTIEL (to the baby): Nobody told you. Nobody explained. You're just … shoved out kicking and screaming into this human life, without any idea why any of it feels the way it feels, or why this confusion, which feels like it's … a hair's breadth (The baby stops crying.) from terror or pain. You know, just when you think you do understand, it'll turn out you're wrong. You didn't understand anything at all. Guess that's just how it is when you're new at this.

He thought he understood, and he's only just beginning to truly understand (and I mean, Crowley as almost-human this season too, despite having been human originally long ago, still suffers with the burden of human emotions, equating what demons and angels are capable of feeling even way back here, long before 10.03 when Cas will make that same comparison).

Cas is feeling the guilt of what's happened to the angels, and he's already hurting over it. So when Sam and Kevin discover (with Crowley's help) that the angel fall spell is irreversible, Dean doesn't tell Cas that fact thinking he's protecting Cas from even worse guilt. But meanwhile, it's still a major source of Cas's pain (and Dean's pain, because hell if he doesn't want to bring Cas back to the bunker here, but can't as long as Sam isn't healed enough...)

EVERYBODY'S SUFFERING! Lies all around. Dean specifically tells Sam that he won't be seeing Cas on this hunt, and yet he spends the entire time pretty much with Cas. But also Dean, lying to everyone, trying to manage his mounting lies in the name of protecting (or in the language of 14.08, "not wanting to burden them") or just out of pure FEAR because this situation is officially so far above his pay grade and he can't even talk to ANYONE about how bad it actually is without the whole thing crumbling down around him... and that's not even considering the Fallen Angels Fighting Amongst Themselves situation on top of all his personal shit...

Which interestingly is paralleled in the experiences of young Dean in the flashbacks in the next episode...

spn 9.07, Bad Boys.

Dean's put in a situation way above his pay grade, having been left to "rot" by John after getting in trouble for shoplifting enough for him and Sam to eat while John was off somewhere else on a hunt and Dean had been left in charge again. John had demanded that Dean tell Sam a very different story, one that not only covered Dean's "shame" at having been caught shoplifting and abandoned by John for several months while Sam was "shipped off to Bobby's" (and remember, Sam would've been about 11 years old at the time, ie old enough to have understood the truth of the situation, but maybe not why John refused to get Dean from Sonny's, that to John this was a form of punishment for Dean-- both isolation from everything he's ever known AND forced separation from Sam, like John was punishing him for failing to take care of Sam by isolating him completely...), but also was about John hiding his OWN culpability in any of this happening in the first place. Child abandonment, neglect, the fact he regularly left the boys on their own and disappeared for weeks or months at a time leaving them to fend for themselves on whatever meager sum he left them. Which, I mean, YIIIIIKES.

And this episode was really the start of my "sanitized for sammy" and "the story became the story" tags, of how fundamental to their codependency these small lies have always been, since they were children (and yeah, we saw that going all the way back to s1, with 1.18, 3.08, 4.13... pretty much all the flashback episodes, but this is where Dean gave that calculated deception a name-- "the story became the story.")

We really see the extent of Dean's lifelong struggle with managing all these secrets begins to break down, which exactly parallels his "bigger story arc" issues in early s9. With all that in mind, it's no wonder he breaks and feels his ultimate failure connected with the collapse of the tower of lies that all started with the best of intentions, and just spiraled out of his control. All in the name of protecting his loved ones.

Kinda like Dean trying to keep John's horrific final words from Sam back in s2 (even though that only lasted a few episodes), kinda like Sam hiding the truth back in s4, kinda like Cas hiding the truth in s6. So now they all will have this fun little problem in common (less dumb, less ass...)

But more interesting to me than the actual circumstances of this episode specifically, is how these lies begin to slowly unravel throughout the episode, and how the truth finally coming out affects everything going forward.

First Sam begins to learn the truth about that time, but it's still not really the whole truth. Dean plays it off as his own fault, shrugging the experience off. Sam also can't figure out why Dean's not only kept in touch with Sonny all these years, but also actually told him the truth about the hunting. The deeper truth slowly comes out in bits and pieces. And then there's Robin, who Dean never told the truth to in the past who learns it all in a shocking way... seeing it first-hand.

This had been Dean's one real "escape to normalcy" of the sort that Sam had spent most of his life running away toward (and which Dean's being forced by circumstance now to push Cas toward... let's not forget that the original airing order of these episodes put 9.06 AFTER this episode... which is why I've smooshed the two of these into one way-too-long post). And let's remember that it was only Dean's need to make sure Sam was safe that got him to leave Sonny's and return to John. He talked about his interest in fixing cars in this episode, and he could've had that life if he'd chosen to stay, because Sonny agreed to fight for him if he wanted that.

But even by the end of the episode, Sam only knows part of the truth, and Dean's still trying to protect himself with that tiny shard of a lie:

Sam: You just got lucky? Kind of like you did with this place. I mean, here I was thinking this was the worst part of your life, and it turns out it was the best. Why'd you ever leave? Dean: Never felt right. Sam: Really? Dean: It was two months, Sam, okay? And I couldn't wait to get out of here. I don't know what to tell you. It wasn't me.

And he can't bring himself to burden Sam with the truth, that it was literally Sam himself and his duty to protect him that made him choose to leave.

Then there's Timmy, losing his mother in a fire, Dean thinking it's the "I Clobber Evil" action figure that the mother's ghost is tied to, when in fact it was Timmy himself. Because it's not exactly that Dean sees himself in Timmy-- repeatedly running away from foster homes, clinging to "imaginary friends" -- It's SAM. He talks to Timmy like we have to imagine 16-year-old Dean would've talked to SAM. And doesn't that just say it all here.

And using this “decoder ring” of a couple episodes to help us unravel what happens when these dudes try to protect each other, to “not burden each other” with these sorts of secrets, things almost universally go sideways. Because this is, yes, what Cas was thinking in hiding his deal with the Empty to trade himself for Jack, but it’s also the sort of smaller concerns from each other regarding Jack’s behavior after 14.14. Each of them were worried for Jack, each of them had noticed small things in Jack, but NONE of them wanted to admit the truth to themselves, let alone to each other. Each of them held their tongues, not wanting to worry each other over Jack, or unfairly burden each other for nothing when all they really have are their individual suspicions and no actual concrete evidence that Jack’s soul is actually gone, you know? But the consequences of trying to protect each other are far more grave in s14...

[lydia-can-live]

Nopelander...revisting an old post

I still see sooo much Outlander stuff on my dash so I thought I’d share my thoughts on Season 4. I don’t have high hopes for S5 and even though I said I was done, I am still curious. Hanging around to see how it turns out is different than being a die hard fan, which I was. Its amazing to me that the built-in fan base and super hot chemistry between the 2 leads could fizzle out to a boring, flat, emotionless promotion. The Fiery Cross is very focused on Roger and Brianna (with Jamie and Claire always watching an guiding which is a gift for those who crave a stable family life...and is too subtle and nuanced for these OL writers to grasp) so the magic of the show that was Jamie and Claire is no more.  Here is what I had to say about the S4 finale.  tl:dr OL used to be great, and instead of writing it as the romance-fantasy that it is, they subscribed to the theory that drama and plot are more interesting than nuanced intimacy and in doing so drained it of its charm and energy while at the same time bashed fans for not being happy about it.

Production ruined the magic that was Outlander in such a stumbling, amateurish, way. First off, they do not understand Jamie and Claire, who are soul mates, as well as best friends. They love making each other laugh and share many inside jokes. They know life is hard but as long as they can connect with each other, they’ll get through anything. In the show their relationship is tenuous and they never realistically comfort one another. Touching each other’s jaw line in lieu of good dialogue is just irritating. 2nd, the wigs take you out of the story, immediately. Why did that not concern anyone? Sam Heughan is a gorgeous man but I snort every time we see that alpaca hair. The only time I can take him seriously is when he is wearing a tri-corn. Claire’s hair looks passable from far away but up close it’s like, holy hairline! It really bothers me that this was not important to production. Jamie had shaggy hair in S1 because he was growing out a buzz cut he got at the Abbey, not because he liked having fringe. If they are trying to recreate S1 hair they have failed spectacularly.

Season Finale: Rescuing Dog Face. I want to care, but I don’t. Roger and Bree do not have an established or believable relationship. He showed up with his Paul McCartney hair in Boston and the writers decided he loved her and that’s all it’s based on. There is no chemistry between them but there isn’t any conversation, either. She is apathetic. We’ll never know how Sophie would deliver well written dialogue but with her somnolent, emotionless, delivery my guess is it wouldn’t have helped. Maybe they limited her dialogue because she couldn’t manage more than a few words at a time. Imagine the stirring ‘He’s real…I know’ or the riveting ‘You’re here’ with a modicum of energy. I know, it’s just as bad. She was miscast, obviously. They couldn’t have found a tall, American actress with dual UK/USA citizenship with an Equity card? Hey Bree: In the show, Roger humiliated then abandoned you at the Clan gathering because you didn’t want to marry him. He then had a relationship with you --in his mind--, while you were living on your own and trying to keep your eyes from closing while you talked.  Why do you love him? Back to Roger. A group of people are going against their own tribe to rescue Dog Face and risk alienation from said tribe just to get a stone they could have just taken from Claire? Come on. The tribe had sentries posted when Jamie and Claire were approaching but everyone had the night off to gather around for the drumming circle? The one guy watching the idiot tent gets clubbed (is he dead? We don’t know) by Jamie and no one notices? Finally the jig is up and the resulting scramble to “reach the river” is so laughably amateurish that I imagined the camera guy laughing like you do when you’re filming your friends in the backyard trying to recreate the Aragorn/Nazgul fight scene from the LOTR. Thankfully, Claire was there to bring a sensible end to it all with a very effective “Its ovah”. Even the Mohawk warriors were impressed. So did they all sleep in the idiot tent that night, or what? And Roger isn’t totally amazed looking at Claire and Jamie, together? No? He just cowers in her clutches. At least he’s not wearing those absolutely ridiculous but completely historically accurate culottes anymore. The Birth: Everyone complaining about this is correct. Claire would never have allowed her daughter to go through child birth in the 18th century without her. I don’t understand why the writers made this decision. That whole birthing chair thing was cringe worthy. Jocasta and her hand-made silk dress isn’t going to be assisting at a freaking birth. (I just kept seeing a thought bubble above Sophie that said “I should have stuck to dance”. I don’t think she’s enjoying Outlander that much.) In the book, while Bree is asking Jamie to stay for the birth, he pleadingly looks to Claire like ‘what do I do’ because, while he’s heard a lot of birthing going on, he’s never been asked to assist. It shows their complete unison as a team, their trust in each other, and it’s cute to see Jamie out of his element a little. More importantly, Jamie got to experience his grandchild with his heart burst wide open and he reveled in it. The dialogue in the book is touching and funny and it resonates because its tied to emotions that have long been been building. Jemmy is the catalyst for healing many of Jamie’s wounds regarding his children. He is the balm for his soul. In the show, Jamie barely acknowledges the baby. But here, blind Auntie --who in the show uses a cane-- you take the baby. Don’t hurt him with the giant brooch thing you are wearing. And don’t walk anywhere. Just stand there. Don’t you go dyin’ on me! Here’s the other thing: Bree loves her baby from the start. She makes that decision early on. When Jemmy is born she is completely devoted to him and his care. She wouldn’t be sitting in a room by herself while her baby is hanging with a bunch of people who seem to be just standing around in a circle.

Back to the book for a second: When Roger finally shows up, Bree is not broken. She’s besotted with her son and enjoying the loving embrace of her family. She’s whole. I like that Bree. She’s got a good heart. As much as I miss the humor between Jamie and Claire, I didn’t want to hear Sam call Claire “Granny” unless it was with a twinkle in his eye after he comes to the realization that this is the first time she’ll be called that, and it’s the first time he gets to say it. I hate book dialogue spoken with no depth or understanding of the moment. Intimacy is what DG gets so right in the books and I don’t like hearing actual lines unless it carries some weight, I’m looking at you “Turtle Soup” (cringe). Murtagh: When he jumped off that wagon I was like…Duncan LaCroix is just loving the shit out of this. I don’t like the Regulator plot because they are shit stirrers who like to argue and ruin gatherings. Murtagh should be sticking to his vow, which was to protect Jamie. These are 18th century people, they took that shit seriously. The fight with Jocasta was hilarious but when she said ‘let’s get breakfast’ and they pan over to Murtagh and he’s all laid out on the bed like ‘here’s your freakin’ breakfast, with sausage’ I laughed so hard I had to pause it, drink some water and pull myself together. I was dying. It wasn’t as funny the second time because I knew it was coming but the first time it was like I could see Duncan turning up that sexy vibe to 11 and it was both funny and ridiculous, and he knew it. Rogers Choice: They should have made Roger a man of worth by having him immediately want to go to Bree. If you freaking love her so much it wouldn’t be an issue. What is she going to do, choose Bonnet over you? It should have been with no hesitation. It would have redeemed him, gave the search and rescue a satisfying conclusion, and saved us from yet another use of the two lovers running toward each other imagery.  The music was so cliché I have to wonder if Bear is just picking stuff off a spotify muzak playlist. It’s clear that the show has lapsed into soap opera territory. Sam’s face when he said he had to –takes off glasses-- kill Murtagh wasn’t full on Drake Ramoray, but it was teetering close to it. Poor Outlander. You had the rare combination of chemistry, beauty, and talent combined with an eager and knowledgeable fan base and you reduced it to a strange wooden version of itself. Dedicated fans are leaving. I’m done. These writers are not smart or creative enough to chisel down The Fiery Cross. So much times passes during the gathering that surely Jamie will have outgrown his bangs, but of course he won’t. He just keeps hacking at them and I don’t want to stick around to watch.

Post Scriptum: Drinking game idea: Anytime anyone says Fraser’s Ridge. I mean, who talks like that? You’d say, ‘lets go home’. No one spouts the address when they reference home. ‘Where are you going?’ ‘123 State Street, where I live’. 

Post, post Scriptum: You could also have a drinking game for every time Claire crosses her arms but you’d better have plenty of libations on hand. post post post scriptum: Sam and Cait are tired of Outlander and can’t wait for it to be over.

[dust2dust34]

If you want to drown in some Olicity feels I suggest listening to Ed Sheeran's song Perfect off his new album. That will do the trick.

Perfect - Olicity, S7 (Rated: Mature)

Summary: Set in Season 7. Seven times Oliver and Felicity dance. (Inspired by my “Seven times Oliver and Felicity fall asleep together” fic.)

(read on AO3)

A/N: This starts out pretty angsty as Oliver and Felicity work through their issues throughout Season 7, but it definitely gets fluffier. This is pure indulgence on my part as I get used to Arrow ending this year. I listened to "Perfect" by Ed Sheeran about 3498 times while writing this.

Part 1 is set during “Inmate 4587″ (7.1).Part 2 is set after “The Slabside Redemption” (7.7).Part 3 is set after “Unmasked” (7.8).Part 4 is set after “Elseworlds,” specifically Part 2 (7.9) (references this fic from S4).Part 5 is set after “Brothers & Sisters” (7.14).Part 6 is set after Season 7.Part 7 is set in the future.

*

I found a love for meDarling, just dive right in and follow my leadWell, I found a girl, beautiful and sweetOh, I never knew you were the someone waiting for me

The nightmare always waited for him.

Oliver stared at the ceiling as the sharp, “Lights out!” rang through the large room. With a snap, every single light went out, bathing everything in pure darkness. He bit the tip of his tongue, his lids fluttering as his chest tightened like it did every night. There wasn’t any immediate ambient light, no exit signs close enough to rival the pitch black, no outside moonlight slipping through.

It was just him and the darkness.

There was no control in this tiny room, in his cell. There was nothing to attack, nothing to fight, nothing but shadows he couldn’t see, couldn’t touch, couldn’t anticipate. His muscles cramped from constant vigilance. His bones ached from old and new wounds he couldn’t escape no matter how low a profile he aimed for. Stress lined every single inch of him, just waiting, the taut line digging knives of anticipation into his shoulders.

Saliva flooded his mouth as he fought to control his breathing.

Minutes ticked by until his eyes adjusted, barely, the ceiling finally coming into focus. Some nights he wondered if he imagined the cracks that decorated the old concrete, or if he was actually seeing them. They always looked different in the morning.

No control here.

Felicity’s face surfaced in his mind.

Oliver instantly relaxed. His eyes fluttered shut of their own volition as he let go of the breath he’d been instinctively holding. His bones sunk into the thin mattress, the tension abating, if just for a second…

Home.

It was so momentary, so fleeting, but sometimes, for a few precious seconds, he wasn’t here. He was with his wife and they were standing in their kitchen in a rare break from the madness that was their lives.

How many moments had he let slip by? How many did he take for granted, thinking there’d always be more? Dozens. Hundreds. But that didn’t change that they did happen, every once in a while. And every so often, his mind gave him a reprieve… let him fall back into the past where there was nothing but peace.

Where nothing could hurt him.

Home.

If he listens hard enough, he’ll hear William in his room playing video games, even though Oliver’s pretty sure he’s still not done with his homework. Remnants of dinner linger in the air, his chili. Dirty dishes sit in the sink, dishes they’d both been working on. But they can wait. They’ll always wait. Hands wet with soap and water, Oliver laces his fingers through Felicity’s and tugs her into his arms. She laughs, that gorgeous, deep-throated amusement that comes from deep in her chest, the one that sets off butterflies in his stomach. He wraps his arm around her, getting her shirt wet at her waist, and she returns the favor by slipping her wet fingers under the collar of his shirt, getting soap all over his shoulder. He wrinkles his nose at her and she makes a face back, but they don’t let go. They never let go. No, they hold on tighter, swaying in the middle of the kitchen. They stare into each other’s eyes, falling into the delicate bubble of intimacy that winds around them. Contentment like he’s never known settles over him, warm and secure. Safe. There’s nothing here but him, and her, his family, everything he’s always needed. They slowly dance around the small area, wandering here and there, everywhere, perfectly happy to go wherever the other does. When they clear the counter, he dips her back, earning a delighted giggle. He smiles as he pulls her back up, closer this time, smoothing his hand up her back. He melts into her soft embrace, the dance slowing. When they reach the opposite end of the kitchen, he spins her out, his chest tightening with love when she throws her head back with a huge grin before he pulls her close again.

Love… happiness… joy…

Something snapped.

Oliver stiffened and before he could react, the kitchen disappeared. Bright, vicious forest from a world he never wanted to go back to instantly replaced it, surrounding him in a suffocating whoosh. Light blinded him and he tried to cringe away from it, but the weight in his arms distracted him.

So heavy.

“Felicity?”

He blinked his eyes open, trying to see her, to make sure she was okay.

A stream of blood slipped from the corner of her mouth. His heart stopped as she slouched against him, her eyes widening in pain. Tears filled them, breaking free, sliding into her hair as her lips moved, trying to speak. But nothing came out.

Horror choked her name on his lips as he yanked her up into his chest with a harried, “No, what’s wrong, what’s wrong, what…?”

The front of her shirt was soaked through and when he looked down, all he saw was red.

“No,” he gasped. She was too heavy all of a sudden. She was never heavy, though. Not like this. He tried to hold her, to pull her closer… but then she was gone. Oliver collapsed to the ground, landing with a thud that rocked his very bones when he realized she wasn’t with him anymore. Gone. “No!” Oliver snapped, his voice breaking. He rummaged through the leaves ont he ground with blood-stained hands, but she wasn’t there. She was gone. She’d just been there - he’d been holding her, she was there, he knew she’d been there. “Felicity!”

A scream shattered the air.

“Oliver! Help! Oliver!”

His head whipped towards the sound and he was on his feet before he could think.

“Oliver!”

“You can’t hide from me…”

The voice sent chills down Oliver’s spine and he screamed for her, told her to run…

A gunshot exploded.

Oliver’s eyes snapped open on a ragged gasp. He jerked up, hot coals of air scraping down his throat as he blinked, trying to see. Felicity wasn’t there, though. Neither was Diaz. He wasn’t on Lian Yu, he wasn’t at home. 

Slabside.

All he saw was darkness.

No forest, no blood, no kitchen…

No screams.

“Felicity,” he breathed, his voice cracking. His face crumpled and he let himself fall into the despair, burying his face in his hands. “Felicity…”

Somewhere in Hope Springs, Felicity Smoak paused where she’d been swaying by herself in her tiny kitchenette. Dried tear tracks covered her cheeks as she looked up, blinking, wondering if she was hearing things. A shiver danced down her spine and her eyes fluttered shut.

She’d heard him as clearly as if he was right here…

Dancing with her.

“Oliver?”

She bit her lip as more tears welled in her eyes, but he didn’t answer.

*

‘Cause we were just kids when we fell in loveNot knowing what it wasI will not give you up this timeBut darling, just kiss me slowYour heart is all I ownAnd in your eyes you’re holding mine

Felicity drummed her fingers on her thigh.

He’d been in the bathroom for a long time. Which was probably normal, especially considering how he’d looked walking out of Slabside earlier. Her throat closed at the memory, her chest caving in with shared pain. God, what he must have gone through. He hadn’t talked about it on the drive back to Starling. He hadn’t said anything, instead climbing into the backseat of Digg’s car. Even if he hadn’t been clinging to her, she would have climbed in with him in a heartbeat. He’d tried to stay upright, to keep his eyes open, but the shaking in his hands where they clasped hers, his quick, pained breaths, the silent lull of the car around them… He’d finally slipped closer to her, leaning over until his head rested on her shoulder. When she asked if he wanted to lay down, put his head in her lap, he’d paused, but when he shifted his grimace had told her everything she needed to know. The damage to his body was too much right now. Instead he’d just shaken his head and she’d whispered, “Okay,” before settling in, holding him as much as she could until they got home.

When they walked in, he’d looked so out of place she almost broke right there.

“I need to…” he’d managed.

She’d led him straight to the bathroom. She’d thought about lingering, wondering if he needed help, if she should help, but when he leaned in to turn the shower on, it’d suddenly felt too intimate. He didn’t ask her to stay and she didn’t volunteer. It felt like something he had to do on his own. So she left, changing into her leggings and a long-sleeved shirt. She’d snuck in with a change of clothes for him, leaving them on the counter, lingering long enough to make sure he was still standing in there. It’d been something to do, but that’d taken all of ten seconds and after pacing for a full, seemingly-hour-long minute, she finally sat on the edge of the bed, mind racing, waiting.

The door opened.

Felicity shot up to her feet. “Hi.”

Oliver tried to smile. “Hey.”

He wore the sweats and t-shirt she’d left him. The glare of the light behind him attempted to obscure the damage he’d sustained, but it wasn’t enough. He’d washed the blood and grime and smoke away, but all it’d done was reveal just how bad of a beating he’d taken. Her breath caught at the sight. Cuts littered his face, bruises already starting to yellow and darken. He’d trimmed his beard down, showing a still-bleeding cut on his jaw that nobody in their right mind would put a razor to right now. There was a huge gash at his temple and a cut on his nose that made her wonder if he’d broken it. He held himself so tenderly, like one wrong move and he’d break into a thousand pieces.

Felicity’s heart broke.

“Oliver,” she whispered, stepping closer. “Are… can…?”

His next attempt at a smile was almost better. “I’m okay.”

No. No, he wasn’t.

She pressed her lips into a thin line and slowly crossed the distance between them. He held his breath, watching her like she was a vision. That opened a huge, gaping crack in her chest, wondering if he knew she was seeing the same thing in her own way. He was home. He was finally home. Tears burned her eyes and she quickly blinked them away. That was for later. Right now she needed to take care of him. She needed to do something. Felicity lifted a shaking hand to his cheek, not touching him when she saw the bruise on his cheekbone.

A flutter of disappointment creased his brow.

With a breathy, “Oliver,” she cupped his cheek much like she had outside the prison.

His eyes slipped shut. His strength was crumbling, she could see it in the tremble that shook his shoulders, in how much he collapsed into her palm, leaning into her touch even though it made him hiss in pain.

Felicity shook her head. “We should have gone to the hospital.”

Oliver choked out a sound as he opened his eyes. “I’ve had worse.”

She huffed, rolling her eyes before she could stop herself - of course he’d say that. When the reality of what she was doing in the face of what he’d gone through hit her, she almost felt bad about it until she saw the very real smile gracing his lips. This one reached his eyes. Her Oliver. Felicity’s lips moved in a silent litany of, ‘Hi,’ as her own lips curled up, touching her shaky thumb to the corner of his mouth.

“Can I least… I need to put something on these,” she said quietly, pushing her hand up his face, staring at the open wounds. “These look really bad.”

“Okay.”

Felicity gently pushed him back into the bathroom and he moved wherever she directed him to. When they were closer to the light, she couldn’t hide the tears that filled her eyes or the tremble of her lips as she stared up at him. She felt like she was looking at all the wounds she’d been carrying inside. They echoed in her own skin, stinging and burning so hot that she couldn’t hide the broken cry that fell from her lips.

Oliver’s eyes filled along with hers and one hand grasped her waist, tugging her closer as the other caught her hand, threading their fingers together.

His touch was so gentle, so soft, so loving.

She tried to stem them, but the sobs bubbled up, filling her chest until she thought she was going to explode. He pulled her into his arms gingerly with a low, “C’mere, baby,” and she stepped into his embrace. Her sobs choked out even louder at the fact that she could do this. He was home. They were here together. She never thought it would happen, she realized, she’d prepared herself for the absolute worst. And she had done the absolute worst, hadn’t she? She’d been prepared to, she’d done things she never thought she would be capable of just to get to this moment.

Her mind flashed to the cold steel of a gun in her hand.

Terror at what she was, at who she’d become, it filled her and she burrowed into his chest.

Oliver wound himself around her, one arm banding across her back, his other hand cradling hers to his chest, holding her like he used to when they had the time to do it, almost like they were…

A wet laugh fell from her, her voice strained with emotion as she asked, “Are we dancing?”

Dancing might be a stretch, but they were definitely swaying. Trying to, at least, considering she was pretty sure he’d fractured his hip judging by the way he was walking. She should tell him to slow down, to take a break, but at the same time…

It was perfect.

She didn’t want to stop.

“I dreamed about this,” Oliver admitted, the words muffled where he pressed his face into her shoulder. “Every single night, I dreamed about dancing with you. When the… when the lights went out and… I went somewhere safe. It was always you.”

Felicity nodded, her face crumpling. She dug her face further into his shoulder. She breathed him in - his smell was foreign now, something musty and harsh, but somewhere in there was her Oliver.

They stayed like that, swaying back and forth, just holding each other. He wound both arms around her, pulling her flush against him, his hands wandering over her back, up and down, engulfing her.

Home.

She wasn’t sure when his arms slowly started to tighten around her. His fingers dug into her, his nails biting into her flesh. His entire body shook with the effort, but he didn’t stop, his grasp growing so tight it started to hurt.

“Oliver,” Felicity whispered. She felt him trying to stop, but he didn’t. Like he couldn’t. “What…?”

“He always found you,” he croaked, the words nearly inaudible. He was so much thinner than when he’d gone in, but he wasn’t weaker by any means. He was pure lean muscle now. His body rippled against her as he clung to her, hard. Too hard. She winced, whispering his name again. She didn’t know what to do. “He always found you and I couldn’t stop it.”

“Stop what?” she asked, afraid of the answer.

“He… he…” Oliver shifted to bury his face in the crook of her neck. Tears wet his face and her own fell in response. “It was always the same. The nightmares. He found you and I couldn’t stop him. He killed you, over and over and I couldn’t… stop him, I couldn’t… do anything. And then…  when they said he’d found you, when they… they told me that you were dead… I lost you, I lost William, and I… God, Felicity, I was… I couldn’t…”

“Shh, I’m here, I’m here,” Felicity promised, hugging him tighter herself. His hold on her bit into her bones, so much it hurt to breath, but she didn’t stop him. He choked on his own breath at her hold, but it was suddenly her who couldn’t let him go. They clung to each other. She pushed her hand up over his head, scraping her nails over his damp, closely-sheared hair, holding him as close as she could as he did the same. “I’m okay, Oliver, I’m okay. We’re okay. We’re safe.”

His cries took over and they stayed like that, holding each other, not moving for a long while.

*

Baby, I’m dancing in the darkWith you between my armsBarefoot on the grassListening to our favorite songWhen you said you looked a messI whispered underneath my breathBut you heard it,Darling, you look perfect tonight

The slight bump under the curtains gave her away.

Oliver stood in the living room, staring at her where she stood behind the heavy curtains. They were long enough to graze the floor, hiding her feet, and if he hadn’t known any better, he never would’ve guessed that’s where she was hiding.

Was that what she was doing?

“I just don’t know if what’s best for me right now, is the same thing as what’s best… for us.”

He didn’t move for a long beat, and neither did she.

To say they’d been walking on eggshells around each other was an understatement. The second those words had left her mouth, the edge of a precipice he didn’t even know he’d been standing on yawned open before him. One wrong move, and he’d stumble over. He’d lose her.

No.

Oliver shoved his hands into his pockets. He wanted to give her her space. Well, he knew he should want to, but the idea of her thinking anything that’s the best for her not being the best for them, it rattled him to his very core. It stole the air from his lungs, yanked out the foundation he’d come to rely on so much. He knew she’d been through hell. They both had. But things were different, now, she was right. Apologies only went so far. But she was wrong if she thought he was going to sit back and let her slip away from him because of it. She’d stuck by him through his worst moments. He’d visited the darkest parts of himself with her by his side, never giving up, never letting go.

How could he do anything less for her?

So what did he do?

Really, he didn’t know if there was anything he could do. It was too fresh, too raw.

But there was one thing he did know: he couldn’t let her go. He wouldn’t. They’d get through this. They had to.

Oliver was moving before he knew it, shuffling towards her. She didn’t budge an inch, and he whispered her name, not wanting to startle her. It wasn’t until after the earlier attack that he’d noticed the curtains had a bulletproof - and arrow-proof - mesh on the inside. How long had she had these? How could he have been so blind, he wondered? The security measures she’d gone through, the gun, the bulletproofing of the entire house…

She was terrified and doing everything in her power to not let it control her.

It wasn’t as simple as his being back now, was it? It never would be, not again. He’d left her to fend for herself, and as much as he carried that responsibility, he also knew as well as she did that they had both chosen this life. It was a world that required her to step up like this, no matter how much he wanted to protect her from it.

He just hated that she had to do it at all. But he was also so insanely proud of her. She was and always would be the strongest person he’d ever met. He didn’t care what she said. She could have run, but instead she’d stood up and fought back. And as much as that terrified him, he knew that was who she was. He’d always known that. It was part of why he’d fallen in love with her. He wished she could see that the woman he’d walked in on chewing a red pen was absolutely the same fierce woman standing before him now.

Words wouldn’t suffice, would they?

He had to show her. And that would take time.

Well, good thing he wasn’t planning on going anywhere, not ever again.

“Felicity.”

Nothing.

Oliver parted the curtains. The instant they moved, she jumped, spinning around with a startled gasp. He immediately froze, letting her see it was just him. Headphones hung from her ears and she tugged one of them out, giving him a smile that didn’t reach her eyes.

A half-dozen words filtered through his head, but nothing felt right. He didn’t know what to say, if there was anything he could say right now.

When the silence became too much, Oliver slowly joined her in the safe confines of the curtain and bulletproof glass. She didn’t stop him and he took that as a good sign, dropping a kiss to her shoulder. His heart hurt when she bit her lip and looked away from him.

The soft hint of music filtered up from the hanging headphone.

“May I?” he asked, nodding to it.

She paused, her mouth opening, and he stopped, wondering if she was going to tell him no. Instead she nodded, lifting it up for him. He took it gingerly and slid it into his ear.

It was the ending notes of a song he thought he recognized…

She clicked a button on the headphones to rewind it and the second the first words came out - “I found a love for me” - he knew what song she was listening to. It was the third song they’d danced to at their wedding reception. A smile pulled at his lips, but it faded away when he remembered what had happened earlier. Where before the song had always left him feeling hopeful, reminding him so much of their journey together, now it almost felt like…

Goodbye.

Emotion crowded his throat and Oliver swallowed hard.

Felicity chewed on the corner of her lip, staring at his chest, not meeting his eye.

Without a word, Oliver offered her his hand.

Her gaze dropped to it, emotion he wasn’t sure he wanted to read dancing over her features. But she didn’t say no. She slowly lifted her hand and placed it in his. He let out a slow breath and gently wound his hand around hers, slipping his other arm around her waist. She stepped into his arms with a naturalness that wrapped a tight fist around his heart. Her hand found his shoulder and he closed his eyes, pressing his face against the top of her head, breathing her in.

They barely moved save for the gentlest sway, following the gentle beat of the song. It was almost over and Oliver bit the tip of his tongue, wondering if she’d step away when it was…

But as the final chords played, it restarted, like she had it on loop.

And she didn’t let him go.

Oliver let out a shaky breath, kissing the crown of her head. Her tiny puffs of air hit his throat as she leaned in closer. Their feet brushed together, the song the only sound save for their quiet breaths as they danced. She twisted her hand where he held it, but not to get away. She slowly twined their fingers together and he turned his head to watch them, resting his cheek on her as he watched their palms come together.

They would be alright.

Because they had to be.

They had to be.

*

Well, I found a woman, stronger than anyone I knowShe shares my dreams, I hope that someday I’ll share her homeI found a love to carry more than just my secretsTo carry love, to carry children of our own

“Entering Queen Residence: Oliver Queen.”

Felicity’s eyes shot open. She sat up in the same breath, throwing the comforter off before vaulting from the bed. She untwisted her shirt around her torso, tugging her sleeves back down as she darted out of the bedroom. Everything was shut up tight, leaving nothing but the sliver of moonlight seeping through the blinds covering the balcony door.

It was more than enough for her to see him.

He was back.

Oliver paused where he’d been shrugging out of his jacket when he saw her.

“Felicity,” he breathed.

Fe-li-ci-ty.

Her heart skipped a beat. It’d been a long time since he’d tasted every syllable in her name. It shot her back into the past, back to their first few years working together. It’d taken her a while to connect that he’d always stretched her name out like that because for the longest time he’d thought that was all he’d get with her. When they finally got together, when they stayed together, through all the ups and downs, he only dragged her name out like that when he thought he was losing her…

Or when he was finding her again.

“You’re back,” she said, closing the distance between them. She didn’t just mean physically, and they both knew it. He nodded as he yanked his jacket off the rest of the way and swept her up into his arms, pulling her off her feet. She laughed, wrapping a leg around his as she held on, whispering, “Hi.”

“Hi,” he replied. “Oh god, I missed this. I missed you.”

They hadn’t seen each other since he’d left ARGUS after their talk, after he told her she was the love of his life - “Love is too small a word” - and a dozen questions ran through her mind. He’d called her to tell her everything was okay, that he’d be heading back soon, and he’d explain everything. She wanted to know all of it, especially when he let it slip that he’d met Batwoman, but for now…

Oh for now, she just wanted this.

She felt it in his touch, in how held her, how he breathed her in. This was her Oliver. She never knew how aware of him she’d been until it was gone. When she’d walked into that room, she knew something had been off, more than it already was. It wasn’t even the way he’d held himself. No, it was how he looked at her, how he stopped moving in response to her words, how he said her name like it was nothing.

It wasn’t until his speech, when she looked into Barry’s eyes and saw her Oliver shining back at her, that it’d hit her what losing him would be like. His words had only solidified it. Things changed, they had both changed, but what would never change was how they felt about each other.

Not ever.

Oliver set her down, brushing his hands up her arms to cradle her cheeks. “Felicity…”

“I know,” she said, grasping his wrists. She slid her hands up to cover his. “I know. There’s so much I want to say, so much we need to talk about, but… I just… I need… You. I just need you, Oliver, I need… you. Here. With me.”

Even in the shadows filling the room, she saw the way his features softened.

For the first time since he’d gotten out of Slabside, she felt like things were going to be okay.

“Dance with me?” she asked, slipping her fingers through his where he still held her face.

The most beautiful grin pulled at his lips as he whispered, “Always.”

Felicity had no idea when this had become a touchstone for them, but it had. An important one. It was a barometer - a way to connect them when they couldn’t find the words, as much as a way to ground them in the reality of their love for each other. Maybe it was the months of separation, of being apart after all of their happiness had been stripped away in the space of a couple seconds, but whatever it was, it was important.

To both of them judging by the way he looked at her.

He was taller in his boots compared to her bare feet, but that didn’t stop them. He dropped a hand to wrap around her waist as she gently laced her fingers between his fingers, looking up up at him.

Without warning, Oliver leaned down and hauled her up off her feet again, cradling her close as he set her down on top of his feet. She let out a startled laugh, curling her toes over the top of his boots and holding on as he slowly moved them around the room. It reminded her of when she’d been paralyzed, that night when she told him she couldn’t stop thinking about their first dance at their wedding. Instead of placating her, he’d gotten right out of bed and showed her that nothing was going to stop them, not ever.

The sentiment echoed and she smiled up at him.

“What?” he whispered as he danced them around.

“You’re the love of my life, too,” she told him. He stilled, his fingers grasping her closer. “You’re right. We’ve both changed and we can’t go back. We can never go back and we shouldn’t because we’ve grown and… adapted. But that… you being the love of my life? That will never change.”

“Yeah?”

“Ever,” she confirmed.

He stared at her for a beat. Her heart thundered in her chest, or maybe that was his, she thought as he slid his hand up her back, pulling her more flush against him. She took a slow, deep breath, pressing her breasts into his chest. Her shirt was thin enough she knew he felt her hardening nipples through his Henley. His eyes narrowed, his pupils widening in a way that made her stomach swoop as his breath skated over her lips.

Felicity pushed up onto her toes and pressed her lips to his.

A groan echoed from deep in his chest, low and guttural. Just for her. She gasped against his lips and he opened for her, just enough to get a taste.

The dam broke.

Oliver released her hand and dipped down, grabbing her ass in thick handfuls. He hauled her up into his arms. Felicity wound her legs around his waist, grabbing his shoulders for leverage as she arched her body into his on a moan. Their lips never parted as Oliver stumbled over to the couch. He bumped into something, what felt like a lamp brushing her hip, but it didn’t stop them. Oliver leaned over in a graceless heap, plopping her down on the cushions before pulling away just enough to slip his fingers in the band of her pajama bottoms. He tugged them down along with her panties. She helped as best she could, lifting her hips before sitting up and pulling at the bottom of his shirt, yanking it up. They were a flurry of movement, hands bumping into each other, skin sticking to the couch, breathless chuckles when they both went for the buttons on his pants. When they were undone, Felicity shoved the material down his hips, freeing his hardness. She fell back, spreading her legs for him. He followed without hesitation, blanketing her body with his. His growing erection slid against her sex, eliciting a needy whine as she sunk back into the cushions. His mouth slanted over hers, arms bracing against the couch, pulling back to angle his hips just right. Without preamble, Oliver slid home. It was hard and fast, deep and all-encompassing. He filled her completely. Felicity broke away from his lips with a gasp, grabbing his waist with one hand, her other sliding up his bare back, skating over his scars. They watched each other as he pulled out and thrust back in, again and again, her legs coming up to cradle him even closer between her thighs.

Home.

They were home.

*

We are still kids but we’re so in loveFighting against all oddsI know we’ll be alright this timeDarling, just hold my handBe my girl, I’ll be your manI see my future in your eyes

He woke to an empty bed.

Oliver didn’t have to open his eyes to know he was alone, but he still swung his arm out to her side of the bed. The sheets were cool to the touch and he cracked an eye open, frowning when he touched her still-dented pillow.

It was damp with sweat.

He propped himself up on his elbow, glancing around the room. She wasn’t there. Sitting up with a low groan, Oliver tossed the comforter off and grabbed his discarded sweats off the floor to cover his nakedness. Scrubbing his face, he got up to seek out his wife.

His pregnant wife.

Warmth flooded him at the thought, only to be quickly doused when he realized she must have had another nightmare. She’d tried to hide them from him, to play them off, but he saw right through it. He just hadn’t pushed. Maybe he should have. She wasn’t going to face this alone, not ever.

“Felicity?” he called.

The second he entered the living room, he knew exactly where she was. She’d pulled the curtains open, leaving the space highlighted in the dull moonlight that was managing to push through the cloudy, midnight sky. It perfectly framed her where she stood on the balcony, leaning on the railing wearing a pair of leggings and one of his sweaters that went well-past her thighs.

Eyes never leaving her, Oliver grabbed the green blanket they always kept flung over the back of the couch and draped it over his shoulders as he joined her outside. He was glad for it when the chilled air nipped at his bare skin, making him pull it in even tighter around him. Felicity stood up taller at his presence, smiling quietly. But her eyes never strayed from whatever held her attention in the distance.

“Hey,” he said softly, sidling up behind her. He opened his arms to wrap around her waist, pulling her back into his chest and winding the blanket around her too. There was a lingering chill on her from being outside too long and he cuddled her close.

“Hey,” she replied, leaning back into him. She snuggled into his warmth with a happy hum. “Did I wake you?”

“No,” he answered. Which bothered him. Something she picked up in his tone judging by the way she shifted her shoulders. “More nightmares?”

“You knew?”

“As someone who is very well-versed in the realities of nightmares, yes,” Oliver said, curling around her to rest his chin on her shoulder. “I’ve noticed for a while now. Talk to me.”

She was quiet for a long moment, but he waited with her, not pushing. If she wanted to talk now, she would. If she wanted to wait, he’d wait until she was ready. She’d done the same for him countless times.

“They’re about the baby,” Felicity admitted in a small voice. Oliver went very still, his heart lodging itself in his throat. Without even thinking about it, he moved so his hands cradled her stomach. “They were about Diaz for a while, chasing me, and all I heard was our baby screaming for me, but I couldn’t find her, not in time. And he… he’d find me first and then I was just… gone. Before I even got to know her.”

Oliver closed his eyes, wishing there was a way to soak up her pain. “Felicity…”

“I don’t want to miss anything with our baby, Oliver,” she said. “I accepted our life was dangerous a long time ago, but now it’s different. It was with William, and I think that’s part of it, you know? Sending him away. It was the right choice. It was what he wanted. But I don’t… I don’t think I could do that again. And I guess I wonder if I can…” Felicity bowed her head, her hands covering his over her stomach under the blanket. “If I can protect her.”

“We will,” Oliver said, hugging her closer. There was so much he could say, so much he probably should say, but all of it rang false. “Nothing is more important than our family. There’s nothing we won’t do for our family, and I know that in my bones. I know we can and will do anything for our children. And that… I think that has to be enough.”

“See…” Felicity said. “On a logical, sane level, I know that. But… when I close my eyes…”

“I know,” he whispered, turning his head to press his face against the side of her neck. His lips ticked up when she swayed against him and he instinctively followed her lead, following her movements. “You know what else I know?”

“Hmm?”

“That no matter what, we will love her, with everything we are. We’ve got this, I know that as surely as I know I love you with everything in me. We found ourselves in each other, remember? As long as we have that, we’re good.”

Felicity smiled, turning her face into his. She nuzzled his cheek. “Her, huh?”

“You kept saying her.”

“I did?”

“You did.”

“Oh.”

Oliver held his wife, swaying with her, dancing under the moonlight. “It feels right.”

Felicity smiled, melting against him. “It does. Our baby girl.”

“Our baby girl,” he echoed, his heart swelling with so much love it took his breath away.

*

Baby, I’m dancing in the darkWith you between my armsBarefoot on the grassListening to our favorite songWhen I saw you in that dressLooking so beautifulI don’t deserve thisDarling, you look perfect tonight

It started out small, like always, gurgles more than anything.

Felicity woke the second the first noise crackled through the baby monitor, but she didn’t move for a second, hoping that Mia was just waking up and would magically put herself back to sleep. When nothing happened, she thought maybe she was just that lucky - Oliver had gotten up last time, and she’d promised him she would take her turn this time. Maybe Mia was on her side tonight…

A full-blown cry erupted in a staticked mess.

Felicity crinkled up her face on a whimper.

Oliver shifted behind her, his arm squeezing her waist.

“I got her,” he grumbled, sounding more than half-asleep. He sat up as much as he could with Felicity’s near-dead weight laying half on top of him.

“No,” Felicity whispered, not exactly helping, even if the words were coming out. “It’s my turn.”

Oliver huffed, his lips curled in a smile when he dropped a kiss on her forehead. “Yeah, okay.”

“I’m getting up,” she argued as he rolled out of bed, grabbing his sweatshirt off the foot of the bed. She tried to open her eyes, barely catching the outline of his bare chest disappearing from view. Felicity slapped his side of the bed with a heavy arm, but even that was too much damn energy as she really, really tried to make her point. “I am. Any… second…”

“Shh,” Oliver whispered, leaning over to press a lazy kiss to her forehead. “Go back to sleep.”

He didn’t say anything else as he left the room, heading for Mia’s crib.

Felicity did think about getting up. She thought hard about it. She inched closer to the edge of the bed, her fingers curling over the end of the mattress. But then her eyes were closing and before she knew it, unconsciousness had her. It wasn’t exactly easy, damn it, working her ass off during the day to get her company up and running, and then coming home to spend time with her loves. And that didn’t include the nights Team Arrow needed the OG Green Arrow out on the streets with them, which happened way more often than it should, in her estimation. Mostly because it took away from moments with her stay-at-home husband and their beautiful daughter, and their son when he visited from his grandparents.

And when they finally got Mia down, when it was just her and Oliver, she told herself she was awake enough to stay up and get their them time in.

But the second her head hit the pillow, she was out.

Like now.

Felicity wasn’t sure how long she slept when she opened her eyes again. The shadows in the room hadn’t moved much, and when she lifted her head to squint at the alarm clock, it read nearly three in the morning. She was still sprawled across Oliver’s side of the bed, and he was nowhere to be found.

But there was… music?

It took her a second to recognize the sound filtering gently from the living room, and an even longer second to realize what song he was playing.

Felicity fell back in bed and shook her head.

This man.

Her perfect, perfect man.

Felicity ambled out of bed, snatching up her glasses before grabbing her robe where it hung over the closet door. She shrugged it on as she moved to seek out her family.

She found them in the living room.

Oliver swayed gently in front of the large picture windows overlooking Starling. It was snowing outside, the absolute picture of serenity and peace and warmth, but he didn’t have eyes for his city.

No, he only had eyes for the quiet bundle cradled against his chest.

Felicity slowly made her way over to them.

Oliver looked up with a smile, turning to open his other arm to her. She slid underneath his arm, sighing when he dropped a kiss to the top of her head before joining her in watching their daughter sleep.

Mia was out like a light, perfectly content, happy as her parents danced with her in the dark.

*

Baby, I’m dancing in the darkWith you between my armsBarefoot on the grassListening to our favorite songI have faith in what I seeNow I know I have met an angel in personAnd she looks perfectI don’t deserve thisYou look perfect tonight

“This is nice.”

Oliver smiled as he spun her out again, slowly, carefully, letting her control the speed. He watched her as she let her head fall back, just enough so she didn’t lose her balance, her free hand flying out slightly, fingers spread. Her wedding ring caught caught flickers of light. Fall loomed over them, along with their second baby that, according to her, was currently making her the size of the entire planet. He didn’t agree. She was stunning. She glowed, even more than her first pregnancy.

Happiness looked damn good on her.

Despite the season change coming on, thick humidity settled in the air. It was nicer in Ivy Town where they’d snuck off for one last mini-vacation together before the baby made itself known. Nicer than Starling, by a long shot. He loved how open their backyard was here. It more than made up for the lack of outdoor space in the loft they kept in downtown Starling City.

“Dancing?” Oliver guessed, gently tugging her back into his arms. Her stomach was nearly impossible to get around, but they made due. Like always.

“Oh yeah,” Felicity replied. “That, too. But I was talking about the grass on my toes.”

Oliver laughed, a deep throaty sound. “It does feel nice.”

“It’s so cool,” she said. He felt her wiggling her toes because they brushed against his own bare feet, making his lips quirk. “The rain helps.”

“I love it here,” Oliver whispered. She nodded in agreement. “Having grass in the backyard, being able to look up and actually see the stars. Being able to dance with my very pregnant wife underneath them.”

She smiled. “Pretty soon you’ll have another dance partner.”

“Rather, William will.”

As if on cue, their son caught the corner of their eye. They both turned to see the teenager holding a five year old Mia in his arms, making her giggle as he faux-danced with her. In the background Lyla and Diggle danced under the same stars in front of a long table closer to the house holding the rest of their family. Donna was there, Rene and Dinah, Zoe and JJ, and Connor, Lyla and Digg’s adopted son. Thea and Roy had even appeared. Other friends, other neighbors, other family rounded it out, all of them flying in for one last hurrah before Oliver and Felicity’s next little one made itself known to the world.

Laughter echoed through the large backyard, silverware clinked, music played softly in the background.

“I’m glad we did this,” Felicity said, twisting to lean into Oliver’s side. He instantly wrapped his arm around her waist, taking as much weight as she wanted to lean on him as the watched their loved ones, both of them swaying to the gentle song coming from hidden speakers. “Home.”

Oliver kissed her temple.

Anywhere he was with her was home.

Smoak Technologies was running at full capacity now, and while it had settled firmly in the black and was gaining enough steam that they were planning on expanding, he knew she wanted to be as close to her business baby as she was with him and the kids. Ivy Town had been the perfect compromise for a home away from home - it was where they’d first started, and it was close enough to Gotham that when Felicity expanded to the East Coast, she could commute in and out of her new office.

Everything had come full circle, in its on way.

“Thank you,” Oliver said quietly.

Felicity looked up at him with a serene smile. “For what?”

“For making me the happiest man in the world.”

(And we conclude this with Bre’s usual denial: And nothing bad happened ever again, The End.)

*

Thank you for reading! Reviews literally feed the soul and muse! And Ko-Fi feeds me!

[hufflepuff-ish]

The Skam 11 questions tag (don’t quote me on this, I just wanted to give this a title lol)

rules:

always repost the rules

answer the questions given to you by the one who tagged you!

give 11 questions

tag 11 people

Thank you @hufflepuffsh for tagging me babe x (lowkey would love to know your answers to my questions but don’t want you to be tagged twice lol)

1. Which remake/og sqaud do you think you would personally fit into the most? 

This is such a difficult question, oof. So I’m shy, but I’m also a good listener, and I try to be supportive of my friends, sometimes I’m more with myself between my own shell but I also like loosening up and having fun. I think because of that my answer is Skam NL’s squad (honesly maybe it’s just because I’m biased lol). They’re so accepting and loving, and I feel like their general energy is similar enough to mine (but way cooler), so I think they’d just accept me as I am and they would be easy for me to get along with.

2. What is your favourite remake and why? 

Skam NL. S2 was definitely a journey and I didn’t like all of its aspects, but I just love the dynamics between the characters, the aesthetics, the music choices, the cinematography, and the characters are probably the closest to my heart out of all the remakes.

3. What is objectively the best remake and why?

Probably Druck. They have great actors, they make changes but still keep the main issues of every season, their have great music choices, their social media team is great and that’s just what comes into mind.

4. Opinions on each of the girl squads? 

SKAM NL - where do I even start??? I love each one of them soooooooo much. I love them all together even more. I don't even need anything, just give me scenes of then together and I'll be thrilled. (GIVE US A THIRD SEASON). Each girl is really her own character and they definitely stand out to me when compared to the other remakes.

SKAM ITALIA - I have a complicated relationship the squad. I love them but it feels like I’m watching a group of college girl. Silvia isn't a character that I like too much, though the actress is cute. I like Eleonora, but that's pretty much it. My favorites are probably Eva and Federica (I relate a lot to Fede because of her looks). They have a good dynamic, though not as much as the Italian boy squad. They maybe feel a bit less close in my opinion. Also, the writers always make me feel like Federica is only there to give them information on stuff and make a joke here and there, so if they would have put more thought and effort into her character maybe it’d feel like the squad is more,,, real if you will.

DRUCK - hi, I'm controversial on main. I... don't really care for them as a squad?? They're cute but I don't feel much of a connection to them (as a squad), or to their friendships. No idea why. I do find them interesting as individual characters, though and seeing them happy at the end of s3 was great. I'm definitely excited for s4.

SKAM FRANCE - s4 ruined them for me. I liked Emma in s1, Manon was always nice in my opinion, Daphne was getting on my good side in s3, Alexia has always been one of my favorites in this remake, and Imane is absolutely great. Then their friendship got ruined. But, if I'll ignore s4, they were a squad that I enjoyed watching and I really felt like each girl had her own thing, and that they were more of a group of random girls brought together than the og squad.

SKAM AUSTIN - I honestly love them more than I realize. Their friendship has a lot of growing to do, but I loved the scene when Grace confessed to them about Daniel's brother. Within the squad I probably like Jo's relationships the most, partly because she's my fave and partly because she just has a really loving heart. The other girls aren’t may favorites out of all the remakes but they have a warm corner in my heart.

SKAM ESPANA - They’re my Spanish babies. I love them and they just seem like this cute and cool girl squad. They’re not perfect and there are definitely things to come, no matter who’ll be the main of s3, but they love each other a lot and I think that they’ll grow together as individuals. 

WTFOCK - I'm not the best person to talk about this remake because I missed like half of s1, but whatever. They remind me a bit more of the og squad, and I love the friendships between Hanna and Zoë, and Zoë and Yasmina. I don't really like Luka, I can't really explain why but she doesn't really feel as part of the squad to me, and Amber is just okay. 

5. Favourite hairstyle out of all the remakes? (this includes any hijab styles of the Sanas)

I love Cris with her hair in a low ponytail, and I love the half up hairstyle that Skam NL uses a lot. When it comes to hijabs, so far my favorite was Sana’ s in the og’s s4 when it was a bit loose under her chin because it really fit her well.

6. Who do you think from og/remakes would have a youtube channel and what would they post about? (not including hei briskeby or lucas rubio’s yt channel)

Liv could totally have a music youtube channel because I feel like that’s realistic to starting musicians these days.

I can see the Italian boy squad having a youtube channel where they post vlogs and pranks lmao.

Sam could totally have a beauty channel where she does hauls and stuff.

Basile would have a youtube channel for pranks and magic tricks (idk why but I can really imagine him doing magic tricks????? lmao)

7. Pick someone you think is underappreciated from og/remakes and explain why you think they should be appreciated more.

Hmmmmmm another difficult question. I’m going to ignore the fact that I’m only supposed to mention one character.

The balloon squad - they’re honestly the most refreshing Muslim representation that I’ve come across because they’re just this bunch of dudes who run a hilarious youtube channel and love to have a good time. I love them SO MUCH and I wish we got an Elias season so we could get to know them better. Highkey my favorite boys from og Skam.

Federica - I probably talked about it enough times but she’s so underappreciated. The actress (Martina) is gorgeous and Federica is a ray of sunshine that the fandom tends to ignore. Also, I want to know how she knows so much about almost everything that’s happening in their school.

Shay - She’s definitely the most underrates Isak. Hopefully s3 will happen and she’ll be the main, so she’ll be more appreciated. Personally, I’m on the fence about how I feel about Shay, but I would watch the hell out of her season and getting more music from her, Marlon and Tyler would be amazing!

8. Favourite outfit/clothing item?

Isa’s green scarf, and honestly, any scarf/coat that the og girl squad wore because they always seemed fluffy, warm, comfortable and had pretty pastel colors.

9. Which character do you think is most similar to you?

Physically, it’s definitley Federica in terms of height and her and Hanna in terms of body size. Aside from that, the characters that I feel I'm most like are Hanna, Martino and s1 og Eva. The three of them are pretty simple, dare I say “””boring”””, and that’s how I see myself, lol. Also, Martino has this keeping things to himself things that he does and I relate to the hell out of that. Hanna has a really soft and nice vibe, which I think can be said about me haha.

10. Do you like the Eva season (season 1)?

Yes! The more remakes I started watching, the more I realized that I actually really like s1 because we get to see the girls becoming friends, and there are a lot of iconic scenes in s1 (Noora dragging William, the girl squad fighting with Chris’ girlfriend) and I learned to appreciate Eva’s journey to becoming her own person.

11. (Insert your own question that you’d like to answer!) Which representation do you think Skam should show other than the existing ones?

I don’t remember if I ever posted about this, but I would LOVE to see a Jewish character in one of the remakes. I think this idea can have so much potential (and I’m part Jewish so I’m biased) because there are really interesting things that could be discussed and shown - anti-Semitism from what I know is becoming more popular again and I’m always waiting to see if one of the remakes (especially Skam France, Skam Austin and Druck) will discuss it, and a Jewish character could have a really interesting relationships with the Sana character and they could have great conversations about the expectation from them and that judgement they get from people inside and outside of their religion.

My 11 questions:

If you could create an ultimate girl squad, who out of the skam universe would be in it and why?

If you could change one thing in each remake, what would it be?

What is one plotline that you wish to see in a remake of your choice? (go wild lol)

Which side character would you want to have their own season?

What do you wish the fandom would appreciate more in each remake? (could be a season, a character, a scene, anything)

If you could create a crossover between the og/one of the remakes and a movie/tv series/book, what would it be?

A crack ship that you wish would happen?

Is there a character that is very different from you/you never thought you would like, but you ended up loving?

What is your favorite friendship? 

Do you read any og/remakes fanfiction and if so, do you have any favorite fanfictions?

Would you have preferred if Skam worked a bit more like Skins did, in terms of every character gets a full episode from their pov instead of an entire season?

I’m tagging: @lonelyfridays , @matteohnah, @feelinsorad, @amystylezz, @eliottlallemant, @xxviii-xi-mcmxcviii, @lil-milkovich, @spockhasfeelingstoo, @miaundalex, @pampammmxum, @vnesshudgens, @promisethestraz but of course only if you want to and if anyone who’s not tagged wants to answer these consider yourself tagged!

[karijnbreannekm82insurance-blog]

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