#but Hawkeye being an international fugitive?

[normaltothemax]

Ok but au where Clint never joined SHIELD or the Avengers but became a mercenary instead

[giveamadeuschohisownmovie]

Hypothetical set-up for a “West Coast Avengers” series:

MAIN STORYLINE:

Picking up from the end of “WandaVision”, White Vision is now roaming the world, trying to piece his life back together after Hex Vision restored his memories. Unfortunately for him, White Vision becomes a target by most nations due to his connections to Tyler Hayward, Wanda Maximoff, and the Westview incident. Despite trying to not come off as a threat, White Vision becomes an international fugitive.

As White Vision wanders the world seeking refuge, we soon learn he’s being stalked by someone. Or...something.

Clint Barton, who has since retired again after the events of “Hawkeye”, learns about what’s going on with White Vision. When he tries to contact Wanda to get her side of the story, he gets no response (this is due to the events of “Multiverse of Madness”). Despite not wanting to get back into the field, Clint suits up once again in order to help a fellow Avenger. 

Laura sees what’s going on and, instead of stopping Clint, tells him that he needs a team in order to help White Vision. Clint says that he’s no leader, to which Laura says, “Well, Vision needs you to be one now.” Laura also says she’s coming with Clint this time as a follow-up to the Agent 19/Mockingbird reveal.

Basically, West Coast Avengers is focused on Clint and his team seeking out White Vision, which also leads to them dealing with the thing that is stalking him. The stalker is revealed to be a techno-organic parasite known as “Technovore” and its goal is to assimilate Vision in order to gain its abilities. 

(Yes, it’s the Technovore from the Iron Man anime movie/animated TV series)

SIDE NOTES:

1) Kate Bishop isn’t present in this series since she’s forming the Young Avengers. It’s explained that Clint has been training Kate and that Kate is currently on vacation. Clint thought about bringing Kate back for the West Coast Avengers but decides to leave her out due to how dangerous this mission is (Clint’s overprotective dad tendencies kicked in here).  

Side note: Kate not being in this series is also to emphasize that this is a West Coast Avengers team-up, not Hawkeye season 2. 

2) Clint comes up with the name since the story takes place in San Francisco. He says something along the lines of, “Well, we’re the Avengers and we’re on the West Coast. So...West Coast Avengers”. Someone else then says his name for the team is bullshit.

3) The story revolving around Hawkeye and Vision is a reference to the comics, where Vision requested that Hawkeye form the team. So in the MCU, Vision is technically responsible for forming the WCA since Hawkeye creates the team specifically to rescue Vision. 

4) Rick Mason (OT Fagbenle’s character from “Black Widow”) makes a cameo appearance. He reluctantly agrees to babysit Cooper, Lila, and Nathaniel Barton in order to allow Clint and Laura leave the farm to find Vision. 

THE WEST COAST AVENGERS:

1) Jeremy Renner as Clint Barton/Hawkeye

2) Linda Cardellini as Laura Barton/Mockingbird/Agent 19

3) Don Cheadle as James Rhodes/War Machine

4) Paul Rudd as Scott Lang/Ant-Man

5) Evangeline Lilly as Hope van Dyne/Wasp

6) Simu Liu as Xu Shang-Chi 

7) Paul Bettany as White Vision

OTHER MAIN CAST:

1) Eric Bauza reprises his role as the voice of Technovore (he voiced Technovore in the 2013 anime movie)

[thebibliomancer]

Essential Avengers: Avengers #229: FINAL CURTAIN!

March, 1983

"THIS IS IT! Henry Pym’s Last Stand Against... THE EVIL OF EGGHEAD!”

Why does this have Egg Fu energy? Obviously very much less racist but giant egg shaped head looming over things...

Please don’t grow a mustache, Egghead.

Wow, this arc has been going on for a while. With a lot of interruptions, mind.

But we had Hank rejoin the Avengers, do a bad job, build a robot to murder his friends to try to make them forget the first bad job he did, get kicked out of the Avengers, and got tricked by Egghead into committing treason and arrested. Egghead decided to take over the world via inventing eternal youth, put together a new Masters of Evil who immediately got their asses kicked, and then the Masters kidnapped Hank from his trial.

All to bring us to the Final Curtain, which is similar but legally distinct from the Final Countdown.

I’ve seen some sad Hanks but I think “framed into being a fugitive and forced to do science for his worst enemy” Hank is the saddest looking Hank.

He has a thousand yard stare WHILE carefully considering a chemical compound.

This is possibly because while he sciences, Egghead is hanging right over his shoulder being excessively chipper and calling Hank “partner.”

Hank: “I’d love to shove those words down his throat! It’s galling enough to be working for my oldest enemy, without having him call me ‘partner.’”

Guy also puts his hand on Hank’s shoulder chum-style and offers to get him some breakfast while Hank probably fantasizes about making scrambled eggs.

Later that morning, over in New Orleans, Monica Rambeau!

I’m still very hype about Monica Rambeau finally being in this book.

She’s sitting around in her nice home watching the news about the trial and the “dramatic escape” of Hank Pym and also Iron Man has disappeared. That’s on the news too.

Monica: “Uh-oh! I don’t like the sound of that! A disappearance, now of all times, by any of the regular Avengers could mean heavy trouble! Someone’s bound to accuse them of helping in Dr. Pym’s escape! It might not be a bad idea to look in on my new friends -- as Captain Marvel!”

She nyooms light speed from New Orleans to the Avengers Mansion.

Inside, Cap and Thor are discussing how neither Iron Man or Tony Stark have been seen in nearly a week. And Cap is worried because its not like Tony.

But he has to stop talking when Monica comes in because she’s not in on the secret.

Captain Marvel: “Hi, hope I’m not interrupting anything. I thought I’d drop by and... well... see how everyone was doing.”

Thor: “In truth, woman, the Avengers have known happier times.”

Captain America: “I’m afraid Thor’s right, Captain. A former Avenger’s disgrace is national news. Iron Man’s vanished. And the She-Hulk may be no more. Things... aren’t good.”

Monica is kind of taken aback by this because “These are two of the most capable men I’ve ever met! If they’re feeling down and out, what hope is there for the rest of us?”

Meanwhile, in specifically the second-floor study, Hawkeye is sitting with Jennifer Walters Not-Hulk and the Wasp.

And Hawkeye is surprised that She-Hulk’s other self is “so small and... fragile.”

Wasp is trying to reassure Jen that they want to help her but Jen is feeling helpless.

Jen: “I-I know that, Janet. .. B-b-but I still feel so helpless. Things seemed different when I was the She-Hulk! She could handle everything -- or so I thought! She didn’t do much against the Radioactive Man, did she? One blast of charged gamma rays from him, and my life as the She-Hulk was a thing of the past!”

I mean, I wouldn’t say not much. She-Hulk tossed Radioactive Man around pretty easily before the gamma blast.

Wasp tells her that the gamma-charge must have worn off by this point but Jen is too afraid to try again because she can’t face the thought of another failure and what that might mean.

She kiiiiinda blew up her life back in California to go be She-Hulk full-time. The comic doesn’t point this out but I am. She kinda blew off her supporting cast and law career to go on a cross-country trip and then moved to New York for brunch and Avengers.

Wasp is called away by Jarvis, who says there’s an urgent caller for her, leaving Jen alone with Hawkeye.

... Which, may have been a bad idea or at least a very hilarious one.

Hawkeye: “I can’t believe what’s happening to the Avengers! We’ve had bad breaks before, but this -- ! Even ol’ Cap’s been looking like one of the walkin’ wounded! I need to do something to get us back on our feet! Maybe I can start with the little lady.”

Y’know, Captain Marvel and Hawkeye both noting how dire things are feeling around the Mansion is doing a really good job at selling this as one of their darkest moments.

Nobody ever talks about this as one of those moments but the comic is making a good case for it.

At the front door the urgent matter is! SCOTT LANG!

Sight for sore eyes!

He’s here on an errand for Mr. Stark. But unfortunately he also has no idea where Tony has gotten.

Scott Lang: “All of Stark International’s in an uproar! First, Mr. Stark asks me to finish up one of his rush projects for the Avengers -- something he never does! Then he and that iron-clad bodyguard of his pull a disappearing act! And now, the tube is full of news about Hank Pym running off with something called the Masters of Evil! Wasp... what’s going on?”

Wasp: “I honestly don’t know, Scott! Sometimes I’d swear that the whole world is falling apart on us!”

Hey! More dialogue really selling how dire things are!

Scott gives her the project Tony had him complete and tells Wasp that Tony told him that Cap would know about it.

Which indicates that Scott finished this project and doesn’t know what it is or does. Wow.

He also offers to change into Ant-Man and lend a hand but Wasp hurries him out the door and slams it behind him.

Which is a rude way to treat a Scott Lang but in Wasp’s defense she couldn’t bear seeing someone dressed as Ant-Man when she has all these Hank feelings.

Captains America and Marvel and also Thor wander in. Cap(tain America) is telling Monica that there’s nothing they can do until they get a lead on Hank’s whereabouts.

Wasp, who was just handed a thing and told that Cap would know about it, hands it to Cap and asks him if it would be any help.

Cap(tain America) recognizes it as the miniaturized version of the cerebral scanner helmet that Tony was working on.

Captain America: “It was Iron Man’s theory that Hank’s recent problems were due to preset commands Moondragon had telepathically planted in his mind. This helmet was supposed to check that out. Now... I guess we’ll never get a chance to use it.”

This defeatism is finally a defeatism too far for Monica who blows up at the Avengers.

Captain Marvel: “Hey, just a darned minute! Is this the Avengers that I’m supposed to be joining, or an encounter group? I can’t believe what I’m seeing! Look, I know you’ve been through an emotional wringer for the past couple of months, but you can’t let it get to you like this! You folks don’t get much press west of the Hudson River, but what little word that does filter out is filled with awe! You’re the Avengers! You’re legends -- every one of you! You’ve probably saved this poor world more times than anyone can even guess! And you can pull through this crisis, too! But not if you keep acting the way you’ve been!”

Huh, more of a ‘dare to be badass’ than a real dressing down.

Also, its so weird that the Avengers are simultaneously a weird New York thing and also known for saving the world multiple times.

Thor, as Thor do when anyone dares to criticize him, gets indignant but Wasp interrupts that whole impending shouting match and asks what Captain Marvel has in mind.

(This is why Wasp is a good leader, by the by)

Captain Marvel says they should try to look at things from another angle. What if, and hear her out, what if Hank really was set up by Egghead like he claimed to be before the trial?

Egghead is dead? THE AVENGERS FIGHT PEOPLE THAT HAVE BEEN ASSUMED DEAD A LOT, YOU GUYS.

Geez, where has Monica been? She’s a breath of fresh thought on this team.

Monica also has another galaxy brain idea. Slash probably turn of phrase that inspires a galaxy brain idea. Like in a mystery where an innocuous statement cracks the whole thing WIDE OPEN.

Captain Marvel: “And this man you caught -- the Shocker -- the one who claims that Pym reorganized the Masters of Evil to free him -- maybe he’s the one who’s crazy, instead of Dr. Pym! Maybe it’s the Shocker who should have his head examined!”

And Cap(tain America) is like hey I just got this head examining helmet from Tony!

Meanwhile, in the second floor study, Hawkeye has decided to Help.

Be afraid.

Nah, just funning.

Look, this is all perfectly in character for Hawkeye and for Hulks in general. He’s just going to be extremely rude (he has trained his whole life for this) and make fun of Jen until something happens.

And he is pretty rude.

So rude that she smeks him across the face. But because she hasn’t had her Jen training arc yet, Hawkeye just laughs at her.

So she hits him again.

Hawkeye: “My, my! Both cheeks slapped and I’m still on my feet! Is that the best you can do, She-Wimp?”

Then he laughs and laughs and gets punched out of the room by a furious She-Hulk.

He quickly begs for peace, claiming he didn’t mean what he said.

So in the end, all she needed to break the mental block preventing her from turning into She-Hulk was Hawkeye being even more obnoxious than usual.

He does have his uses. Shoots arrow, pisses people off, apparently fun to be around??

Its hard to imagine future burned out trash-fire Clint Barton doing this. He’s much more mellow in how he’s obnoxious now. Although, he roasted Tony Stark good in the Freefall mini.

Y’know, She-Hulk and Hawkeye are friends later. And I don’t know if that’s because She-Hulk becomes everyone’s friend when she moves into more fun party She-Hulk territory. But I can also imagine that despite not liking each other much to begin with, She-Hulk and Hawkeye just grow on each other.

When Wasp praises Jen for being able to transform again, She-Hulk admits that Hawkeye helped.

Then Cap tells them to stop goofing, they’ve got business.

And the business is at the federal lock-up.

The Avengers want to use Tony Stark’s special cerebral scanner helmet on Shocker. His lawyer is like hell no. Shocker himself is like I’m down for whatevs.

Shocker: “Hey, if they want to plunk that pressure cooker on my noggin, it’s okay by me! I’m facing a pretty stiff federal rap, after all. I’m willing to cooperate. It doesn’t bother me. If I passed the polygraph test, I can pass this!”

The lawyer still protests so She-Hulk whips out some of her ol’ legal expertise. Which she is not licensed to practice in a professional capacity in the state of New York.

She-Hulk: “Your boy was caught participating -- in either a kidnapping or an escape -- in full view of witnesses. He’s in big trouble. The scanner helmet will tell us if he’s been manipulated by outside forces. And cancel any mental blocks or false memories. Now, wouldn’t you like to go into court with something that could prove your client was used against his will?”

... I’m baffled that this new technology whose inventor has gone missing could just easily be used as evidence in court.

Like, on who’s word are they saying that this device works? Has it been vouched by anyone? How do they even know that it works at all? It was finished by Scott Lang who is a good electrical engineer but didn’t know what he was working on!

But if I can believe a man can fly, I’ll buy this.

And its funny, Shocker goes from ‘yeah I doubt this will mean anything’ to immediately remembering and spilling the beans that he was set up by Egghead.

Which means that he’s alive and Hank’s defense has merit. God damn!

I like that the cerebral helmet does factor into the plot, even if in an unexpected way. Poor, disappeared Tony Stark’s feverish throwing himself into this project out of a guilty drive to help Hank will help Hank, in some way!

Meanwhile, in the secret and sinister suburban lair of Egghead’s Masters of Evil, Hank Pym brushes off his hands and goes ‘yup I’ve finished inventing your eternal life machine, can I go now?’

Egghead and the Masters call BS because its been three days. No way did Hank already finish the machine. Egghead was thinking it would be months of research before Hank could even begin working on a design.

Hank: “Admittedly, I was lucky in stumbling upon a breakthrough in micro-cellular reconstruction. But then, you did bring me here to produce results. That’s what I’ve done.”

Moonstone asks how close an eye Egghead kept on Hank, since Egghead is the only one truly familiar with the project.

The answer is: not very!

So now they’re worried that if they plug someone into the device, it’ll just kill them.

Tiger Shark goes ‘hey lets just test it on Hank’ and Hank goes ‘yeah whatever.’

Hank: “I stand behind my work 100%. I’ll be your guinea pig, if you’re all so afraid of gaining a long and vital life!”

Egghead: “Don’t use that tone with me, Henry Pym! I think I might enjoy using you as a guinea pig! Strap him in, boys -- good and tight!”

Tiger Shark, whose idea this was in the first place, suddenly considers ‘what if this is a long and weird way for Hank to commit suicide?’ but Hank says he would have ended it three days ago if he was that tired of living.

Egghead: (He’s right. As dispirited as Pym has been, he never became suicidal. Despite all the travails I put him through, I was never able to break him that completely. Pity. Perhaps I’ll try again... after the test.)

GOOD GRIEF EGGHEAD

I know that you’re evil and petty but geez that’s a new low.

Then again, this is the guy who blew up his niece’s arm out of spite.

So, yeah, driving to suicide the guy that made your eternal youth technology possible is about what I’d expect of you, Egghead.

The worst.

When they have Hank strapped into the longevity machine and switch it on, Hank starts to glow.

Which is probably not what is supposed to happen.

Also what is not supposed to happen, the machine creates a force field around Hank.

And also overrides the guidance systems in Beetle’s armor, making him fly all over the place bonking into stuff.

I have a sneaking suspicion that this isn’t actually a longevity machine!

No, in fact, Hank Pym played them all by going ‘yeah sure throw me into the briar patch, I don’t give a shit.’

Tiger Shark tries to rip Hank out of the machine but gets thrown away with a ZZAKK.

Moonstone tries her luck too.

Moonstone: “Your electrified field is very effective against brute force, doctor -- but can it resist a high-intensity laser blast?”

-it does-

Hank: “You tell me!”

The sass!

The lasers deflect off the field joining the bouncing Beetle in destroying the lab.

Egghead has duck and covered beneath a table and demands one of the Masters stop Hank.

A call to action that Radioactive Man takes up, charging the machine.

Radioactive Man: “You are even more capable than I thought, Dr. Pym. But your miraculous fields will not long withstand the power of my nuclear heat!”

Hank: “Probably not! But it doesn’t have to! I’ve had days to prepare defenses against all of you!”

Cadmium-plated tentacles come out of the machine and grab Radioactive Man.

Geez, really nobody was making sure Hank wasn’t up to anything so he got away with everything!

The cadmium dampens Radioactive Man’s radioactive so Hank uses him to knock out Tiger Shark.

Ah, yes. I do love a good grievous harm with a body instance.

Moonstone: “Incredible! Together, we possess nearly as much raw power as the Avengers themselves -- and yet one man has nearly overcome us in a matter of minutes!”

And since she’s Moonstone and practically the only supervillain who knows when to fold ‘em, she tries to skedaddle.

But Hank also built disruption stunners into the not-longevity machine’s manacles, like the ones he used as Yellowjacket, and he blasts Moonstone as she tries to flee.

Leaving Egghead to gape that Hank has singlehandedly defeated his Masters of Evil!

MEANWHILE, up in suburbia, the Avengers!

Remember them? They’re the title of the book.

Shocker spilled the beans to the Avengers because, honestly, fuck Egghead for using him as a patsy. So the Avengers and some copspolice have assembled outside Egghead’s secret house.

The cops are to evacuate the neighborhood in case the Avengers need to do a big punch-up.

Caring about bystanders, a thing that the Avengers do some of the times.

The Avengers also got the house plans from the county records office because they’re doing this raid right.

Problem is, they’re unlikely to be accurate because they don’t have an evil lair listed on them.

So Cap and Wasp are strategizing, planning to surround the house and work their way in slowly and quietly so the Masters don’t use Hank as a hostage.

Then everything explodes. And by everything, I mean the yard of the house.

Beetle burst out from underground, completely ruining the lawn and flies around out of control.

He warns the Avengers that he can’t control his flight and tells them to look out.

The Avengers mostly jump out of the way.

Mostly.

Thor just stands still with his hammer held out for Beetle to run into so hard that Mjolnir seems to disappear.

Beetle falls to the ground, all momentum instantly converted into horrific agony.

Like seriously. He’s going to be feeling that forever. No wonder he later jumps at the chance to flip good, rather than ever experience that again.

Wasp and Cap(tain America), strategy geniuses, decide that at this point, stealth is pointless but Hawkeye is way ahead of them.

I don’t see him in the panel where the Avengers scatter or in the panel where Beetle is falling off Thor’s fist so I think that the instant the ground exploded Hawkeye was like ‘this hole was made for me’ and immediately jumped down it to leeroy jenkins the rescue Hank plan.

Its a very him thing to do.

Plus, as he muses to himself, he has his own score to settle with Egghead.

I.e., that time that Egghead killed his brother Barney Barton. The crime brother? From the time we learned that Hawkeye actually had a name?

That time.

At the bottom of the exit wound Beetle left in the house, Hawkeye peeps in and is astounded to find the Masters of Evil lying defeated in various heaps with Hank Pym standing victorious over them, casually unhooking himself from the not-longevity machine.

As Hawkeye watches, Hank tells Egghead that he can come out of hiding because its all over.

And then delivers a massive ‘the reason you suck’ speech to Egghead, which coming from Hank Pym is doubly biting because Hank Pym knows what a trashfire he’s made of his own life and still says Egghead is worse.

Hank Pym: “I did a pretty good job of screwing up my life recently. You just about finished the job for me! You used me, Egghead... and you tried to make me criminal! But you couldn’t. You see, I’ve come to terms with myself in the past month. I know who I am, and who I’m not! I’m not Ant-Man anymore. I’m not Giant-Man... or Goliath... or Yellowjacket! I’m Henry Pym!

“And it was Henry Pym who beat the Masters of Evil! You, Egghead... you turned to crime because you thought your scientific knowledge made you better than everyone else... put you above the law! But you were wrong. You weren’t above the law, and you weren’t better! I’m the better scientist... I just proved that!”

“I assembled the pieces of your downfall -- right under your nose!”

Egghead takes exception to being told how much he sucks, and leaps at Hank to, I guess, try to beat him up, saying he hasn’t beaten Egghead yet.

So Hank beats Egghead yet.

Hank: “Oh... I was hoping you’d try that!”

After all that Hank’s been through in this vague arc and at the hands of Egghead, it is very satisfying to effortlessly turn the tables on the villains, deck Egghead, and prove that while he has spotty success as a superhero, he’s no villain.

This vague arc has broken Hank down to nothing. He ruined his marriage, his superhero career, abandoned his science career as fruitless. He was broke, so desperate as to take a loan from his arch-nemesis. Framed for treason and left to pay for Egghead’s adamantium scheme. Sent to jail and derided as worse than the supervillains there. Worse for having fallen from grace. Gave up winning back his wife after seeing her date one of his friends. Abandoned hope for anything but to win back his dignity and good name in a court of law. Had that taken from him as well.

And stripped of absolutely everything, Hank Pym proved that he is one of the finest scientists in Marvel, a crafty SOB, and owner of a dynamite right hook.

Then with Egghead sprawled on the floor, Hank turns to leave.

But Egghead is a petty, petty, evil, evil man. That hasn’t stopped being a thing so he pulls out a science gun to shoot Hank in the back.

Hawkeye jumps out of the beetle hole and shoots an arrow in the barrel of the science gun, making the science gun backfire kirby krackle.

Hawkeye: “Brother, that was close -- but everything’s gonna be okay now, Hank! We have all the evidence we need to clear you and put that creep behind bars!”

Hank: “Egghead won’t be serving any time, Hawkeye. He’s dead.”

DUN DUN DUN

Hawkeye, you’ve become a killer! And it didn’t even take a Bendis to drive you to it!

Well, maybe a man-slaughterer...

Follow @essential-avengers​ because I bring you the good Hank Pym content. The Hank Pym punching Egghead content. The best content. Also like and reblog, possibly. For the Hawkeye man-slaughtering Egghead content.

[dynamicduoofstackie]

When people feel like Sam shouldn't have been made Captain America, 'cause poor prisoner of war, he knew Steve longer, end of the line, got that good hair, just got jilted by Steve, hot as hell, thicker than a Snicker Bucky...

But I'm like, bitch this ain't about you and your crush on Sebastian Stan and Bucky Barnes.

Steve did not betray Bucky. Instead of living the rest of his life in the alternate universe he created when he stayed with Peggy. He came back out of a sense of duty to pass the Shield on and because 'End of the Line'.

Steve also spent the Captain America movie franchise putting his life on the line to save Bucky over and over again. Y'all really think that blonde, lovable goofball with all his self-righteousness, I cant turn my back on any wrong-doing, wouldn't try to save past Bucky sooner? That he wouldn't tell Peggy, his wife who knew him before the glow up, that the S.H.E.I.L.D. agency she built with Howard Stark, was being corrupted from within by their biggest enemy, HYDRA? Ya'll really trippin'.

Whatever Steve did in the past wouldn't have effected the present Bucky's future. If what he did in the past did anything then just like Back in the Future the changes would have been obvious. Steve only crime was finally putting down that shield and getting himself a damn life.

As far as the shield goes, Steve did Bucky a favor. Steve blindly signed up to be experimented on and although he became a beefcake he became property of the USA. Hence, all the propaganda movies and tour performances to drum up business before he selfishly went rogue to save his best friend and proved what a weapon he really was.

Even after Steve sacrificed his life for his country and went under the water to save New York, as soon as they found his frozen body and defrosted him, they put him to work.

That man had no vacation time. Was doing SHIELD special ops work when he wasn't leading the Avengers or angrily punching at a gym bag. It wasn't until Captain America: The Winter Soldier, that Steve realized almost everything in his life was being controlled by S.H.E.I.L.D. from his apartment to his neighbors to the jobs he could take.

Steve couldn't even tell Sam what made him happy and this was before the S.H.E.I.L.D. betrayal. You really think Steve want Bucky to go from recovered brainwashed prisoner of war victim/weapon to being in charge of a bunch of strangers he hadn't really interacted with outside of a brawl to kill/lock him up?

Clearly, y'all too much in your feelings to realize last time we saw Bucky, before the Infinity War fighting, he looked so done in by the mere thought of fighting. You want him to fight for America just cause he's Steve's Day One? His best friend? Stop thrusting all this responsibility on this man and let Bucky live.

Sam Wilson, damn near interned under Captain America. Whatever Steve couldn't do, like spend time searching for Bucky, he gave to his Number 2. Sam is loyal as fuck to Steve and isn't such a follower he doesn't tell Steve when he is being full of himself. Sam might not know Steve from childhood, but was the first person to ask Steve what made him happy; offered him an excuse to visit him in the Veteran's Affair in hopes of Steve seeking help; offered Steve and Natasha a sanctuary while they were fugitives; actually offered him options to do something more than being a superhero; sat at his bedside whenever he was injured cause even super soldiers need someone to lean on; chased after Bucky when Steve couldn't; left his 9 to 5 job and civilian life because he knew supporting Steve was more important; teamed up with Bucky numerous times, despite Bucky nearly killing him several times when he was brainwashed; etc.

But nope a brother ain't qualified to be Captain America cause he isn't souped up with super soldier serum; didn't know Steve as long; isn't hot enough, white enough, loyal enough or whatever excuse you want to use.

Sam Wilson is one of the few senior members of the Avenger team at the end of Endgame. If you go for seniority bases it would be Rhodey, Sam and Hulk cause Hawkeye is going back to family and Thor is riding with the Guardians of the Galaxy.

If you want to go who is more qualified and strength. Sam went from happy, retired veteran to bad ass with wings and a gun. He fought Hydra agents with a knife and they had guns. He held his own with super soldiers, gods, armored tech geniuses, etc. He also, actually a member of the Avengers and the only one who actively repaired relationships in Infinity War.

Poor Bucky only interacted positively with T’challa, Steve, Princess Shuri and Sam. I'm pretty sure you don't make a complete stranger that the team ended with infighting over, the leader.

Sure Bucky is no longer controlled by HYDRA, but do you honestly think someone like Nick Fury, General Ross, or other world leaders will trust Bucky?! Especially when they find out what brainwashed Bucky has done?

Steve was smart. He gave the shield to a man that will uphold justice as he would. That knows the team. That purposely decided to join the superhero fight on his own, not just cause Steve asked. That won't just move on emotion and will help Bucky decide on how to settle in if he decides to become a superhero or not. When Sam said 'On your Left' he was letting Steve know no matter what he had Steve's back and will more than likely have Bucky's back if and when he decides to join the Avengers.

Steve got two best friends and he want both to be happy. If that means given one the shield cause he is more mentally stable and is already about that superhero life; while the other has a chance to decide for himself what makes him happy... well he only being a good friend. 

Another thing... Peggy Carter has known Steve before the glow up. You know she was charmed by pipsqueak Steve and him needing to fight even if it meant getting beat up in every alley. Y'all honestly shouldn't be surprised he went for his because Peggy is a strong, independent woman that challenged stereotypes, was not for the bullshit when Steve started getting fan girls, and didn't just mope when she thought Steve was dead.

Steve deserves a good ride or die. He deserves more than one friends or one chance at love. Sorry but not sorry Stucky fans. Steve was always going to want that dance with his best girl. The one who should feel slight are those Sharon x Steve fans. Just damn... original Carter always better.

No hate. Celebrate.

[dailybuglenow]

WEDNESDAY, 5 AUGUST 2024. EDITED BY J. JONAH JAMESON.

BACK & BETTER THAN EVER, OR, A TALE OF REALITY WARPING & RESURRECTIONS 

Gone, but never forgotten. That’s what we’ve repeated to ourselves time and time again in the six years since the Mad Titan Thanos snapped his fingers ( an act we call the Cleanse ) and half the world dissolved into ash. It wasn’t until five long years later that a group of brave heroes reversed what he had done and restored the world to a shade closer to what it once had been. This was, of course, not without great costs having to be paid. When Thanos was finally vanquished for good two founding Avengers were laid to rest: Natalia Romanova, the Black Widow, and Anthony Edward Stark, aka Iron Man. News of their deaths were confirmed by a representative for the New Avengers the day following the New Avengers Facility battle against the Black Order that culminated in the largest hero team-up we’ve yet to see.

Natalia Romanova, more commonly known by the alias Natasha  Romanoff started her career in Russia’s infamous Red Room academy, which turns young girls into trained assassins. Romanoff’s ledger was made public in 2014 following the fall of S.H.I.E.L.D. and the revelation that the Nazi organization H.Y.D.R.A. had been embedded in the agency for years. After being recruited to S.H.I.E.LD. by fellow Avenger Clint Barton ( Hawkeye ), Romanoff worked as an agent for years before becoming a founding member of the Avengers in 2012, where she continued to serve until 2016 when the Sokovian Accords were passed and stricter international restrictions were put in place. Although she originally sided with Stark and the government, following the Clash of the Avengers in Berlin Romanoff dropped off the map. She was spotted once in Russia before going on the run with the former Captain America, Steve Rogers, and his associate Sam Wilson ( the former Falcon who has recently taken up the Cap mantle -- for more, on this please see Christine Everhart’s article on page 3 ). Despite two years as an international fugitive, Romanoff fought in the Battle of Wakanda against Thanos and acted as the representative to the public during the Cleanse. One of the more vocal Avengers dead set on righting Thanos’ wrong, a New Avengers spokesperson confirmed that Romanoff died on April 26th, 2023 securing the Soul Stone from a classified location alongside Barton. She was laid to rest in a private cemetery with the Romanoff Scholarship for at Risk Girls being created in her honor shortly afterwards.

Anthony 'Tony’ Stark was always in the public eye due to his father, Howard Stark, being an inventor, scientist, engineer, businessman and movie director. The elder Stark created Stark Industries, which his son later inherited after his untimely passing. As an arms dealer Tony was taken hostage in Afghanistan in 2008 but freed himself by creating a suit of armor. Living with an arc reactor in his chest, Stark became the first superhero with a public identity as Iron Man and became a founding member of the Avengers. After nearly sacrificing himself in 2012′s Battle of New York, Stark remained active even though it was his actions that led to the creation of the villainous robot Ultron and the untimely destruction of a large part of the European nation, Sokovia in 2015. Many considered Stark’s actions to be an apparent disrespect to life and property and urged him make amends. As a result, Stark sided with the Sokovian Accords and urged other heroes to sign as well.  Because of this he and Steve Rogers had a falling out that lasted years as Rogers went on the run and Stark started the Stark Internship, whose inaugural recipient was high school student Peter Parker ( who was recently unmasked as Spider-man ). After going to space in 2018 to try and stop Thanos, Stark came home after briefly being presumed missing and largely vanished from the public eye. The failure of the Avengers to stop Thanos from the Cleanse was something not commented on by Stark, who chose to move Upstate with his wife, Stark Industries C.E.O. Pepper Potts, and their daughter, Morgan Stark. He came out of retirement to help retrieve the Stones and was the one to don a specially created Infinity Gauntlet to kill Thanos once and for all. Following his passing Stark was buried a few days after and the Stark Foundation for the Rehoming of those Disrupted by the Cleanse was created.

For the last year, the world mourned the losses of both Stark, Romanoff and other deceased heroes, such as the synthezoid known as the Vision who was killed by Thanos in 2018 when the Titan stole the Mind Stone from his forehead. Rumors began flying recently, however, when Avenger Wanda Maximoff ( the Scarlet Witch ) appeared to be spotted with a man who resembled the Vision. This set in motion what appears to be a new era in which what we lost has been returned to us. The New Avengers were able to confirm that it was, indeed, the Vision returned by means not yet confirmed. Mutants have been known for their resurrections as of late, but that seemed limited to their nation of Krakoa. It never seemed like something that we’d see in our world at large. Not until recently, that is.

On August 3rd, 2024, President Norman Osborn held a press conference that promised a sign of hope and change. Osborn’s Avengers, known as America’s Avengers, have been received with various degrees of public support. Along with him Osborn brought team member Star, who was recently revealed to be reporter Ripley Ryan. A controversial member, it has been revealed that Ryan possessed the Reality Stone from her home world of Earth-616 in her chest. “I don’t want to dip into the cliché and say that I live to serve,” she stated at the press conference. “but my goal is to be an Avenger for the people, and that means doing everything in my power to make the world a better place. Thankfully, I happen to have a lot of power.” This sentiment was echoed by Osborn, who pointed out that in the past the Avengers had failed as public servants and had instead caused more harm than good. He went on to add, “Instead of trying something futile like banning them once more, we’ve taken a new route. We’re leading by example, making good of our gifts. We’re making America a place you can feel safe and secure in. Consider this the first step.”

The ethics behind President Osborn’s following announcement have already been debated on popular social sites like Twitter as the public weighs on that which was once considered impossible: resurrection. That’s right, folks. You’re hearing it first here from the Daily Bugle that President Norman Osborn along with the help of Star has resurrected Natasha Romanoff and Tony Stark. The two were present at the conference and expressed gratitude for their return but remained, for the most part, silent and let Osborn speak. A call to the New Avengers confirmed that they were unaware of the President’s plans or the return of their teammates. We have reached out to Stark’s widow, but so far Ms. Pott’s has been unreachable.

“The last thing we wanted to do was dishonor Stark and Romanoff’s respective sacrifices, but this was a wrong that we knew we could right. Under careful supervision Star was able to achieve a great feat and there’s no ulterior motive or fear that reality will crumble. We’ve  worked with multiversal experts to see what it’s possible to achieve. We also won’t be pushing Iron Man or Black Widow to join America’s Avengers. They’re welcome to rejoin their old team or retire and enjoy the world they helped save. This is the power that heroes who work in the best interest of the people possess. This is a world that we can live in, and America’s Avengers are dedicated to continuing this notion. We hope you accept this offering and remember that we live in a world of possibility.”

As soon as the dust clears the Bugle plans on reaching representatives for Romanoff and Stark to try and get individual statements. Osborn spokeswoman Lily Hollister, who handles statements for America’s Avengers, has promised that more details will soon be revealed and that an exclusive interview with Star will take place. In the meanwhile, sources have reported that Stark and Romanoff have been taken to the New Avengers Compound in Upstate New York to reacclimatize. The Bugle will continue to update the story as it unfolds, but in the meantime we wish the best to our fallen heroes and hope they’re happy to see the world they died to protect. If we live in a world where the dead walk again, what will we become when life is no longer fleeting?

— Ben Urich, Daily Bugle News Senior Reporter

TOO MANY COOKS IN THE KITCHEN: CAP’S, THOR’S AND MORE. OH MY.

Captain America. Thor. Captain America. Thor. The names are likely to be familiar to anyone who follows the Avengers, but lately things have become a bit convoluted. Following the final battle against Thanos on April 26th, 2023 our beloved Captain America, Steve Rogers, retired and passed the shield off to friend and former Falcon Sam Wilson. In the year since we’ve reported the trajectory of Wilson’s attempt to get his footing as the public pushed back with the unfortunately popular hashtag #NotmyCaptainAmerica. Some have accredited the hesitation to embrace Wilson as Captain American as a racist statement due to Wilson being an African-American man, while others attribute it to an inability to let go of the old and embrace something new. Rogers, meanwhile, has voiced his support for his friend but has remained out of the debate for the most part. Old rumors have placed Rogers and the deceased Romanoff in a romantic relationship, and his withdrawal from the spotlight could be a direct result of her death and the two years he spent on the run as an international fugitive. An issue some have had with Wilson is that appears to be too ‘bipartisan’ to be Captain America, and they prefer the United States Government’s option to #takebacktheshield: John Walker. Walker stated that he was flattered to be considered but doesn’t step on any toes. Still, if Rogers picked Wilson as a replacement he must see something in him that the rest of the us should believe in.

Similarly, there’s a new Thor in town. Although we love Thor Odinson whether he’s rocking long hair or short, he seemed to fall on hard times during the Cleanse and has only recently resurfaced as a hero. In the meanwhile a new blonde, helmeted, Mjölnir wielding Thor has made an appearance. Although dubbed the Mighty Thor by some, public reactions to a female Thor has been mixed as preciously repeated. Despite this she has served as a New Avengers as of late even though it appears that no one knows her true identity. When asked if she had any inclination of who it could be, Asgard’s current King, the Valkyrie, scoffed and stated, “No, but she’s worthy so that must mean something. Asgardia needs the help she can get, and we seem to have a preference for beautiful sparkly blondes.” It not the most illuminating statement, and while it may be concerning that their leader doesn’t even know the name of one of their champions the Asgardian’s need a break after all the sorrow they’ve faced between Thanos and the mutants during the Avengers v X-Men conflict of last year. As for our original Thor, he’s been spotted in both Norway where Asgardia is located and around New York with a very large axe. As it stands we’re not totally sure of the relationship between the two Thor’s and why they share a name, but it only seems like a matter of time before some answers come to light. Some wonder if Thor Odinson will try to take the throne back, especially as reports about the Valkyrie’s drink continue to pop up. Welcome to Earth, Asgardians. Hope you like speculations.

I’m sure everyone has their preference on which Avenger they prefer, but I personally am open to trying something new. After all, we as people aren’t stagnate beings. Some things change and people do as well. It’s natural to see mantle passed from one hero to another as time goes on. Hero work is, in a strange way, a job and sometimes positions need to be filled. Of course, time will only tell how well these new faces hold up against the daunting legacies of those who came before them. If it counts for anything, they have the good luck of this reporter.

— Christine Everhart, Daily Bugle News Senior Reporter

IN OTHER NEWS:

Despite the passing of Kamala’s Law within the last few months, underaged superhero activity has remained at an all time. The black-suited web crawler Spider-man was recently spotted with his team, the Champions, in Brooklyn despite the fact that their teammate, Ms. Marvel, remains at large for her part in a recent incident at Coles Academic High School that left civilians injured. Recently registered underaged heroes include Ghost Spider, the two children of Reed and Susan Richards ( Franklin and Valeria Richards ), Billy Kapplan ( Wiccan ) and Nadia Van Dyne ( the Wasp ). The majority of the public has so far responded positively to the idea of underaged heroes requiring some form of accountability but response from the heroes has been negative. 

Go away, Guardians of the Galaxy! Not really, but most are scratching their heads over the fact that the intergalactic team that consists of aliens, talking trees and raccoons are still residing on Earth a year after Thanos was defeated. Members Rocket Raccoon and Nebula acted as honorary Avengers to help reverse the Snap, and when the Cleanse was undone their teammates Drax the Destroy, Groot, Mantis and Peter Quill ( Star Lord ) were returned to life. They are joined by former Daughter of Thanos Gamora and seem quite comfortable on our planet. Maybe it’s just part of our apparent alien invasion as the Shi’ar, Skrull and Kree still have dignitaries present. Looks like Earth is getting a little crowded!

[rhaenyra--targarvyen]

Pizza

A (belated) birthday gift for @the-crazy-lemonade-lady ! Sorry it’s late!

Inspired by a post I saw a couple days ago that I just couldn’t not write a full fic for...

Peter hasn’t seen a mess this large since that unfortunate day in chemistry last year where Marcus Stone (accidentally) almost blew up half the lab. 

Of course, it’s awesome too. Every superhero he’s grown up aspiring to be like, raised on stories of their bravery and self sacrifice in the face of impossible odds, are all in one place. Not fighting each other. And Wakanda is amazing. So he’s not exactly surprised that things are so crazy, but really-it’s just pizza toppings. 

Tomorrow they all go their separate ways to fight Thanos (or, as Mr. Stark likes to call him, the giant space grape) but for tonight they feast like champions. Apparently, that means the best pizza that Wakanda has to offer. 

“Spider-Man, give us a headcount,” Mr. Stark says, and Peter complies: there’s Captain America, Black Widow, Thor, Hawkeye, and Dr. Banner, along with the New Avengers War Machine, Falcon, Vision, and Scarlet Witch. There’s the Winter Soldier-or the White Wolf, now. There’s Doctor Strange. There are the ‘good’ aliens: Other Peter, Gamora, Drax, Mantis, the talking raccoon, and the talking tree. And then there’s King T’Challa and Princess Shuri and a bunch of the Dora Milaje who are watching the chaos and trying not to look entertained. “How many pizzas are we going to need?”

Peter is pretty sure that a few of them could eat a pizza or two on their own. “We have twenty. Do we want leftovers?”

“Yes,” Shuri pipes up. 

“So...thirty?” 

Other Peter is talking about how he hasn’t had real pizza in twenty years. Apparently they don’t have it in space. Poor aliens-they’re really missing out. 

“Better make it forty.” Tony jots this down. “You never know when pizza is going to come in handy.” He raises his voice so he can be heard above the general clamor of introductions and half joking arguments. “What does everyone want for toppings?” 

There’s no (definable) response: either no one hears him or no one cares.

Tony gestures towards the fray. “Do some mingling, Spiderling. Introduce yourself while you’re at it.” Of course. Because Peter’s only here to be the errand boy. He had to fight hard to even let Tony allow him to go to space. He hates to see all that effort go to waste now. 

Okay Peter, he thinks as he approaches the first knot of people: Captain America, Dr. Banner, War Machine, and Black Widow. Be cool. Still, his voice squeaks a little bit when he says “Mr. Stark wants to know what toppings you want on your pizza.” 

Dr Banner raises his eyebrows. “When Tony said he hired a kid I didn’t realize he actually meant-”

“I’m going to be eighteen in October.” But he’s used to the jabs about his age-another reason why he’s glad he’s not an actual Avenger. The jokes would be unbearable. 

Black Widow rolls her eyes. “He’s a good fighter. And we need all the help we can get.” He feels himself stand a little bit straighter, buoyed by sudden praise. “Black olives.” 

“Half cheese, half pepperoni and sausage.” Dr. Banner shakes his hand. “Nice to meet you-”

“Peter. I’m Peter. It’s good to see you, Dr. Banner. Although I’m glad you’re not a giant green rage monster.” 

He laughs. “Call me Bruce. And I’m glad too, Peter.” 

Captain America wants all sausage. “How’s Queens?” 

“It’s...Queens.” He’s tempted to ask how is life being a wanted fugitive but he worries Cap might take that the wrong way and he would rather not have an Avenger pissed off at him, especially Captain America. 

“I’ll take meat lover’s if they have it,” Colonel Rhodes says. “Tony should know that.” They nod at each other. Peter has been interning at the Avengers base for Tony the last couple of summers, so they see each other pretty often. It’s nice to see another familiar face, in the middle of all these super people. 

He writes all of this down and says his goodbyes before he moves onto the next group: Thor and the aliens. “Do you guys want pizza?” 

Thor nods very seriously. “I would like all the toppings on my pizza.” 

The raccoon swears. “You can’t be serious. That’s disgusting.” 

Gamora rolls her eyes. “Leave him alone, Rocket.” She turns to look at Peter and he realizes offhandedly that she’s kind of hot, green skin and all. “Pepperoni and black olives.” 

Other Peter looks like a little kid at Christmas. “Half pepperoni, half canadian bacon. That’s what I always used to get when I was a kid.” He looks at Peter in confusion. “Aren’t you kind of young to be an Avenger?”

“Yeah. I’m not, actually. Technically. I got an offer, but I turned it down. I’m a friend of Mr. Stark’s.” He gets the feeling they’ve already stopped listening. 

“I hear you’re going to space with us,” the talking raccoon says. “How long can you hold your breath?”

Other Peter steps on his foot. “Rocket, be nice.” 

“It’s a fair question-”

“Just order your pizza toppings.”

“Pineapple.”

“That’s gross, no one gets pineapple on their pizza-”

The raccoon responds with a series of words that Peter is pretty sure he’s not allowed to repeat, so he moves on to the other three aliens instead. 

“What is this ‘pizza’?” Drax says, looking like he wants to break Peter’s spine. Or maybe that’s just his normal expression. 

Peter is just panicking over how to explain pizza to an alien when Mantis says “It’s like...a pie, except instead of chocolate and whipped cream it’s sauce and toppings.”

Drax still looks confused but Other Peter seems to realize what’s going on so he says “Just order a couple cheeses and a couple pepperonis. We’ll figure it out.”

Peter goes to the talking tree next, who’s playing Angry Birds on a cell phone that looks like it saw its heyday ten years ago. “I am Groot,” he says, without looking up. 

“Hi Groot. I’m Peter. Do you want-”

“I am Groot,” the tree says a little louder in a tone that Peter knows well: shut up I’m trying to concentrate. 

In the spot next to Groot’s name Peter writes I am Groot. Tony can figure that out. 

Falcon and the Winter Soldier are arm wrestling and they don’t look happy to see Peter. They both place insanely complicated orders: one eighth black olives (“No wait,” White Wolf says, “make them green”), pineapple, canadian bacon, sausage, buffalo if they have it, and then Falcon orders a dessert pizza. 

“What’s that?” Peter asks. 

Falcon narrows his eyes. “You don’t know what a dessert pizza is? You haven’t lived.” 

He writes that down too, with two question marks after it. Maybe it’s an Avengers thing. Maybe there are team perks that he doesn’t know about. 

He accidentally walks in on Scarlet Witch and Vision making out in a side hallway so he backs away slowly and doesn’t write anything down for them. He’s going to have to watch a lot of b-99 to get that image out of his head. Not that he’s against it or doesn’t ship it or whatever but...he was not prepared. 

Hawkeye is talking with the royals. He barely even notices Peter when he says “Canadian bacon.” 

The King is a little bit nicer. “I would like pepperoni and antelope meat, if possible. And order several more for the Dora Milaje if you could. They would like some but are too polite to say so.” 

He scribbles that down. “Thank you for letting us stay at your palace, your highness. It’s...nice.” Which is the understatement of the century, but words aren’t his strong suit. 

Shuri doesn’t look up from her tablet. “I’d like what my brother has.” She smiles at him. “I’m almost finished with the new updates to your suit.”

“Oh...um, you didn’t have to-”

“All of your tech is horribly outdated. Maybe in your country it helps you, but it won’t here. I took in the effect that zero gravity might have on it and I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.” She grins at him and he can’t help grinning back even though he still isn’t quite sure how she accessed his suit when it’s hanging up in the closet in the guest room. He’s lucky; some people had to share. 

He comes back to Tony with the finished list, exhausted. Tony finishes the phone call; from what Peter can hear of the other end, the pizza worker sounds vaguely terrified. 

Tony raises his eyebrows as he scans the list. “What’s a dessert pizza?”

Peter shrugs. “I guess we’ll find out.” 

With the Avengers, there’s never a dull moment. 

So I played with the timeline a little bit so I could get all of them in Wakanda-hope it’s enjoyable anyway lol. 

[specsnsarcasm]

My Review of... ‘Captain America: Civil War’ (bits n bites)

In Captain America: Civil War, it kind of bothers me how readily both Hawkeye and Scott Lang are able to give up the possibility of seeing their kids.

Lang’s whole story in Ant-Man is about how he just got out of prison, and wants to go straight, so that he’ll be able to see his kid. 

But in Civil War, when Cap tells Lang that if he goes with them, he’ll be a wanted man, Lang casually shrugs it off and says “yeah, what else is new?” Sure, at the end of Ant-Man, he makes peace with his ex-wife, and her new husband because they know he’s out being a hero, so they probably wouldn’t hold it against him in a custody battle. But none of that matters if he’s physically locked up and can’t see the kid for a long time (WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENS!!!). And even though Cap presumably springs them from the government holding facility, they’re still fugitives, which will greatly reduce his chances of seeing his kid. 

In the case of Hawkeye, he promises his wife in Avengers: Age of Ultron, that it will be his last fight (re: another kid on the way, their future to think about, etc. They make a big thing about it at the safe-house). So what, in the name of Katniss Everdeen, would compel Hawkeye, Mr. Bow-and-Arrow himself, to think it’s a good idea to get back into the fray? And not just fight a villain as part of a large collective, but fight his superhero friends/colleagues!!? Besides being a cool-to-look-at, but otherwise pointless fight (realistically, what are they going to do, kill each other???), Hawkeye is seriously outgunned. He even says it himself in Age of Ultron: 

(I know, baby. There there).

Being an Avenger (or Avenger-adjacent) is not conducive to having kids. Or perhaps it’s like any other law enforcement or high risk job (police, military, etc), where you and your family know the risks and kind of have to accept them. 

Fine. 

And sure, people break promises all the time! Maybe there was a whole long,drawn-out internal debate between him and his wife that we didn’t get to see, before he came to the decision to get back in the game, yadda yadda. 

FINE! 

That’s not what I have an issue with.

My issue is that in a movie (any movie) what we, the audience, see is limited to what’s on screen, so we take it as canon that what the characters are saying is more or less true (or at least that they’re saying is for a reason). In other words, there is only so much that film-makers can show in a two hour movie, so we take it at face-value that there is a deliberate reason that they choose to include a particular scene or line over another. Either it helps the character develop or it moves the plot along. My issue is: why bother making a big show of saying that you’re going to retire when you’re going to come back a hot second later?

(Yeah, y’are!)

All of these glaringly half-assed explanations/plot holes just take me out of the movie, and draw my attention back to the real life, where contractual obligations, (and not a cohesive story-line) are the real reason why certain people come back for certain installments (Lang, Hawkeye) and others don’t (Thor, Hulk). It’s like the scene in Ultron where Thor and Tony get into a dick-measuring contest, trying to explain the absence of their girlfriends. At least they tried with that one! Points for effort. 

(p.s. If it were a superhero mom who had to make the same decisions as Lang and Hawkeye, the music would be MUCH less upbeat, and we’d be watching a whole different kind of movie, if you ask me! The kind they show on Lifetime. There’d be a huge double standard is all I’m sayin’. The only mom superhero I can think of right now, who both “heroes” AND “moms” is Elastigirl. She’s not MCU, but she kicks so much ass!).

[sly-punk1712]

It started out as a joke. That’s how she usually got into this shit, joking around or not thinking things thru. It didn’t really matter, Darcy supposed. No one knew she could just toss it in the trash and no one would ever know. No harm, no foul. 

Her fingers swirled around the knob of the drawer she had shoved the stupid thing in absently. What to do? The phone rang and she jumped pulling the drawer out a little in her alarm. She grimaced and took a deep breath. 

“Coulson’s office, Gatekeeper speaking” She tried to be as chipper as she could hopefully whoever wanted to nag her about paperwork wouldn’t be able to tell the difference. Luck, as it would have, was not on her side. 

“Come here Gatekeeper and bring whatever’s in your top desk that’s keeping you from working” Coulson hung up before she could protest. She gingerly set the phone down and slide the slim envelope out of her desk clutching it tightly. She could probably just walk away. Maybe hide in the building? She’d never make it outside without being stopped, and being caught means surrendering proof of her idiocy to someone who may not be as forgiving and silent as Coulson. Then He’d know. Everyone would here about how she tried to flee rather than face a brief interrogation with Coulson. And even if she did manage to escape HQ she’d have to go on the run forever because she’d never wanted to answer the questions this would raise. SHIELD was far reaching she’d be on Interpol's most wanted in hours. 

Fess up in the privacy of Coulson’s level Billion secure office or life as an international fugitive?

“Now Agent!” Coulson’s voice floated out to her. Darcy cringed and stood. It could honestly go either way. “For the love of...!” He began.

“No! No I’m coming!” Darcy scurried to Coulson’s door looking carefully around before rushing threw locking the door behind her. Coulson raised a brow from his seat at the desk. He didn’t look at all like he’d been moving to drag her in for interrogation. Sneaky.

“Was that necessary?” He questioned without looking up from whatever form he was filling out. Darcy gulped but pressed further into the room taking a seat on the arm of the couch closest to him.  

“Yes. Actually I’d like to request we make this a B&R proof meeting.” Darcy rarely spoke SHIELD jargon and maybe that’s why Phil stopped working to look up at her. 

B&R proof rooms where office slang for Barton and Romanov, of course B&Ring a room usually just mean’t there would be a few hour delay before they knew someone was keeping things from them. but that would be enough for now. 

Coulson spun his chair around and tapped at his computer, a low hiss sounded for a few moments and then a soft beep meant all he could do had been done. He turned back to her expectantly. Darcy was being childish, air locking a room to avoid talking about one silly thing. Be that as it may, Darcy loved that Coulson was taking it seriously at her word.

“Let’s see it” He held his hand out gesturing to the envelope in her hand. Darcy pulled another face and hesitantly passed it over. Coulson impatiently swiped it and thumbed open the side she’d yet to seal shut. 

“It was a joke and then suddenly I’d bought it and signed it and now I feel like a weirdo. What if he’s really freaked out and never talks to me again? I mean that’s totally creepy right? I was just thinking about when he rescued drunk me that first weekend in New York and that time he worked on my car and the thing with Ian.” She took a huge breath. “ Then I was scared to leave it at home because He comes over unannounced a lot and I was trying to decided how to throw it out. I’m honestly so stupid.” Darcy rushes out hiding her flushed face in her hand as Coulson read the brief card. He closed it carefully and looked at her. 

“I don’t think you’re stupid Darcy” He said softly. “It was sweet” 

“It’s gross and emotional and he’s never gonna talk to me again if he sees it. I honestly have no idea what I’m going to do” She groans. Coulson shrugs and reaches into his desk to pull out a form she knows too well. 

“Nooo, Phil isn’t my life terrible enough?” She begs falling dramatically over the arms and into the sofa. He shakes his head and pulls a different pen out of his desk. He fills all his paperwork out in boring blues and blacks but Phil keeps the every colour under the sun gel pens Darcy had bought him (also as a joke) in his desk and he likes to update files by color coding them. The pens he usually uses for Darcy are green but he pulls out a purple one, because it’s about Clint. 

“Darcy Lewis, Pros and Cons, regarding Hawkeye, June 16th” He dictates. Darcy throws an arm over her face but doesn’t protest. 

“Okay Pro” He says looking expectantly at her. 

“It’s nice?” He rolls his eyes but writes it anyway, scrawling loopy  scribbles under pro. 

“Con”

“Eternal embarrassment”

“Facing you emotions” He corrects. “Pro?”

“I won’t be wasting the dollar fifty I spent on the damn thing?” 

He doesn’t correct just scribbles. 

“Con?” 

“He may hate me” 

“Rejection, That’s underlined, I think it’s your biggest fear” He says his pen makes the sounds that say he really has underlined it. Fucking Nerd, she thinks in a voice that sounds like Clint.

“Pro?” 

“Now I’ve acknowledged it to myself, giving him the damn thing will get this off my chest.” She admits, the safety of Coulson’s office and her closed eyes allowing her a moment to be brave.

“Facing your emotions,” He says dryly. “The plot thickens”

Before he can ask for another Con there’s a knock on the door. Well a knock is putting it politely, It’s really some asshole pounding on the door. 

“WHAT THE FUCK PHIL DID YOU B&R YOUR OFFICE!?!?!?!” A muffled voice drifts into the room. Ah that Asshole. Phil looks guilty and Darcy doesn’t know if it’s for locking it down or for getting her busted. There is no escape. The vents are even sealed during these locks. 

“PUT YOUR DICK AWAY I’M BREAKING IN” He shouts. Darcy leaps up from her spot on the sofa and snatched the pro con sheet crumpling it in her pocket before cramming the damning thing back in its envelope. She’s licked the seal right as the door gives a groan and swings open air rushing out. Clint talks in and slams the door behind him. He stops at the sight of Darcy. His eyes narrow and he looks between the two. 

“I’m so against this” He says simple crossing his arms. “I thought you’d know better than to seduce him at work Darce” He shakes his head. The jokes are to make light at his confusions. Why is she in here?

“I... uh... Got this for you” She launches the envelope as if it were a ninja star across the office. Clint snatches it easily from the air and arches a brow. He and Coulson hang out too much. 

He rips it open ungracefully and Darcy’s breath hitches as her heart thuds wildly in her chest. She can feel Coulson’s eyes on her and no doubt Clint’s even as he scans the words.

“Thanks?” He reads in confusion before opening it. Darcy’s face burns but Clint doesn’t read the inside out loud thank Thor.

He doesn’t need to Darcy knows just what it says: 

                Thanks for stepping up because my real dad’s a twat.

and she had printed under that. 

                I didn’t know what the hype was about til I met you. Love you Dee

Clint hasn’t moved. He hasn’t awkwardly told her thanks but don’t contact him anymore, so that’s good, right? 

Thankfully Clint crosses the room in two quick strides and gathers her to him in a breath stealingly tight hug. Darcy sighs and clutches his backs keeping him wrapped around her. He’s warm and smells like smoke and home. She remembers him coming to pick her up her first week. Remembers him rolling out from under her car with that cheeky smile. Remembers him juggling the ice creams he brought to her after Ian. How could she have thought this was a bad plan?

“That’s what was B&R worthy?” A voice interrupts. Clint pulls back a little and Darcy flushes seeing Natasha perched on Coulson’s desk reading the card. 

“What did you think it was?” Darcy asked looking up at Clint. His cheeks pinked a little. 

“He was serious when he thought you and Phil were banging.” Nat sniggers. Coulson blushes a little dispute his calm face. “I thought we were finally being disappeared to the bottom of the ocean” She shrugs,

“Well that doesn’t sound like an entirely bad Idea” Coulson glowers. Darcy grins. 

“Ohh Get the Sparkly Red Natasha pen and we can use the back of my Pro Con sheet!” Darcy attempt to smooth the page on the edge of Coulson’s desk. 

“You made a pro con sheet for giving me this card?” Clint looks indignant. 

“Fucking Nerd” Clint and Natasha chime.

“Shit like that is why B&R exists” Darcy pouts.

“You have no idea” Phil agrees reaching for the Sparkly Red Natasha pen as requested.

“I love you Darce” Clint says lowly to her while Phil and Natasha bicker about the color of her gel pen. Darcy nods. She knows. He doesn’t have to say, the things he does show her. 

“I’ve never celebrated this holiday” Darcy admits. Clint beams. 

“Me neither, if it counts I think you’d be a good dad too.” He grins. Darcy snorts.

“Thanks, I think, Happy Father’s Day, Clint”