#but Bowser keeps getting distracted by the people Mario cares about most

[mrspockify]

Wrote a whole ass essay here and I don't even know if it fully makes sense I'm so sorry 💀

TW for discussion of harassment, some suggestive content (nothing graphic)

Ok so what if, instead of just completely shifting into what their body is inclined towards, they're mostly just influenced by the new thoughts/feelings. They're still stuck with their own personalities, so instead of resorting to something completely unlike them, they pretty much merge with these new thoughts and react/interpret them in weird ways.

So like Mario in Bowser's body has all of this untapped rage and these animalistic tendencies, but because Mario is Mario, his affection for Peach and Luigi turns those feelings into an instinctual urge to protect them. So he actually starts getting uncontrollably aggressive towards anyone else who comes near them (and obviously he feels horrible about it when he comes back to awareness, because he would never willingly take a swipe at any innocent toad who unfortunately walked a little too close to their princess at the wrong time).

But it makes him dangerous, too, because he's got fire breath he can't really control, and his body, which he's still getting used to moving around in, is covered in sharp spikes that can stag on anything, or anyone. It's also making it difficult to get anything done regarding switching them back, because Mario's having a very hard time letting either of them out of his sight even for a second, because if he can't see them then he can't keep them safe.

But then you have Bowser in Mario's body, and I think he suddenly, inexplicably finds himself drawn to Peach and Luigi in ways he usually isn't. But instead of recognizing these feelings as love and devotion, it becomes an obsession towards them. Bowser being Bowser, reacts to these strong feelings with his own brand of maliciousness, acting on every human instinct he has when he's around them, because he, like Mario and his newfound rage, can't really control it (not that he even wants to, once he realizes what it can do).

To a degree, he's feeling the way Mario does about Peach and Luigi, but his mind has chosen to interpret it differently. He's not caring and protective of them, he's possessive. Where Mario feels a responsibility towards them, Bowser feels ownership.

With Peach especially, he suddenly has these overwhelming feelings of affection towards her that he somehow twists into something much more sinister and dangerous. He can't keep his hands off of her, can't stop trying to draw every kind of reaction he can from her. He becomes obsessed with having her attention on him in any way he can get it, because that suddenly feels good. Any time she's within his sight he basically pounces on her like she's prey, because she's suddenly the only thought on his mind.

He also finds out very quickly that he can get her attention by acting in... specific ways. He discovers that it's violating touches and suggestive whispers in her ear that bring out the biggest reactions, the most intense disgust and anger. And we've already established that he can't physically feel anything in Mario's body, so it's not as if he can just alleviate his urges through physical pleasure/sex. He's stuck in this weird mental arousal, obsessed with reaching some sort of climax but no real way to get it. He has to resort to insane levels of psychological warfare with her to satisfy whatever this is. I'm honestly not even sure what it might look like, but it's certainly not anything good.

And now you can also imagine that, with Bowser's obsessive behaviors towards Peach and Luigi, and with Mario's instinctual need to protect them at any cost, they're going to have one hell of a time trying to get them in a room together without one killing the other, or even hurting someone else (the poor princess or brother?) who might accidentally get in their way.

Ok so I was watching Brave earlier and I had ✨a thought✨

In the body swap AU what if being tapped in a monster’s body starts to have an effect on Mario where he slowly starts to lose himself to the monstrous urges? Like for a few seconds he’ll essentially ‘black out’ and become one with the beast he’s physically become, and overtime it starts to happen more frequently and he can’t control it no matter how hard he tries.

And when Peach and Luigi eventually rescue him, it happens again; His eyes change color and he starts to talk in low snarls and grunts. They’re both confused, but quickly figure out something’s not right, and they’re forced to back away as he starts to corner them with a menacing, animalistic glare. He raises the claws, but before he can attack he suddenly comes back to his senses. Realizing what he almost did, Mario profusely apologizes and explains that it’s been happening on and off for a while, feeling completely ashamed of himself despite knowing it’s not his fault.

Obviously I don’t expect this to actually happen (nor do I want it too cuz I would literally never recover lol) I just felt the need to participate in sharing ideas hehe

This had me pacing around and banging my fists on the table because YES. That's genius, omg!! 😱 What if the body they inhabit had a direct impact/influence on their psyche long-term? What if Bowser progressively assimilated human behavior while becoming more sophisticated, whereas Mario slowly felt his own mind begin to slip as the beastly side began to take over?

And for it to happen in front of Luigi and Peach too!.. 😭🙇‍♀️ Mario would be utterly mortified to be seen like this, poor dear. 😥 What if he ended up hurting one of them by accident?? It would be so scary for him to feel that shift and be unable to stop it. To slowly - but surely - start to lose the grasp he has on his own thoughts and actions. In a scenario like this one, I imagine that it would be a race against time. A rushed and desperate attempt to turn him back to normal before he forgets who he is entirely. 😣

I love mixing ideas and integrating concepts from different movies into this universe, and the premise for Brave fits perfectly in the body swap AU. 🎭💯 Thank you so much for sharing, dear!! 🙏💖

[cocoa-rococo]

Koopaling Headcanons: Morton

Larry | Morton | Wendy | Iggy | Roy | Lemmy | Ludwig

The gentle giant who's solid as stone, and the main enforcer of Bowser's army! A wonderful lad, he is.

Right-handed.

Fond of scrapbooking! He has a few about his siblings and growing up together, but also keeps some about his interests. Wendy likes to gift him cute papers and pattern clippers, and Lemmy finds him cool stickers.

Likes watching wrestling with Roy, which often becomes wrestling with Roy.

He likes watching cooking shows for recipes ideas with Larry, and listening to him ramble about how people are doing things incorrectly.

Has a fairly good memory, and is the most likely to not get distracted on a mission, a trait Ludwig is incredibly grateful for.

Favorite season is winter, due to the novelty (but he can't stay in the snow for too long). Summer is a close second.

A pretty decent writer. His prose is fantastic; it's speaking aloud that he had trouble with.

Surprisingly good at healing magic, possibly more so than Ludwig or even Kamek.

He got gifted a camera from Iggy when he was ten, and he's been taking good care of it ever since. He uses it for scrapbooking, mostly, but he likes taking pictures of what surrounds him.

Very fond of yarrow flowers, due to the colors and how so few of them grow in the Darklands. He first discovered them when he was stationed on a mountain fortress waiting for Mario, and picked a whole bunch to keep inside.

Favorite candies are butterscotch and caramel chews, as well as crunchy rock-candy.

While his favorite pastries are donuts, Wendy once gave him a slice of her patisserie’s strawberry shortcake to try, and he’s been hooked on the flavor even since.

Prefers keeping his notes on pen and paper rather than a phone. He likes the feeling of writing.

Favorite fruit is raspberries and oranges.

Allergic to peanuts, but he prefers Nutella anyway.

His skin is actually much thicker than his siblings to help resist temperature extremities, and since he likes to burrow in sand a lot, it sometimes can get cracked and dry. He and Wendy like to get treatments and make a day of it together.

One of his favorite things is just sitting with his siblings and seeing what they're doing. He's happy to help with whatever they're involved in.

The physically strongest koopaling out of the seven. He's sometimes not quite aware of his strength, but he's trying to get better at it.

Has a soft spot for cute, fluffy animals. Probably aware of Larry's love for a ‘girly’ pony show, but doesn't mind.

Likes listening to Ludwig go on about his mystery novels, and helps as a sound-board for when he needs to bounce theories off someone.

He keeps a miniature zen-garden in his room, and likes to spend time raking little patterns in the sand and moving the rocks around.

The first of his siblings to figure out how to transform his wand into another weapon.

Magic is a weird case with him; trying to cast was difficult, even if the effect was fine. When he learned how to wield his hammer, however, it felt much more intuitive.

Really good with kids, even if he doesn't see a lot of them. He was the most excited out of all his siblings for when Junior was born.

Easily the best secret keeper out of the seven. That koopaling is a VAULT.

Has a fondness for birds, especially ducks. He once got to go to a farm with little ducklings and hold them, and he was crying happy tears almost the entire time.

Coincidentally, he's got an amazing rubber ducky collection. It's very cute, and touching it without his permission will very likely kill you.

Is a big fan of sculpture work, and sometimes will make little trinkets and carvings from chunks of rock he finds. His love of making things is also what convinced him to create Morton's Construction, when his siblings were making businesses.

Wendy is on a persistent quest to make him an Instagram for his scrapbooks and carving work. Morton is on a persistent quest to remember to use it, but always gets distracted.

One of the best taiko drummers —and kumi-daiko performers — this side of the Darklands. He practices with the Hammer Bros.

Can and will stop everything and anything he's doing to make sure an animal crosses the street safely.

Has an almost mom-level accuracy for knowing where lost things are. Any time his siblings can't find something, they go to him, and ninety percent of the time, his guesses are right.

Loves giving hugs! Does not love how he sometimes hugs a little too hard and people get squished.

He likes experimenting in the kitchen with Larry, offering spice suggestions and combos, even if he turns the heat on way too high.

[yanderes-galore]

Yandere romantic Mario vs Yandere romantic Bowser hcs fighting over princess peach sibling who helps mario to save princess peach and distract bowser for awhile , only for it to backfire on them.

Well this match up was bound to happen at some point, sure!

Mario Concept

Bowser Concept

Yandere! Mario vs Yandere! Bowser with Peach Sibling! Darling

Pairing: Romantic - Rivalry

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession at first sight, Overprotective, Manipulation, Kidnapping, Slight violence mention, Stalking, Jealousy, Dubious/Forced relationship.

Mario has had many people help him save the day from all sorts of foes.

Primarily he's saving Peach from Bowser.

Mario most likely met you through Princess Peach during one of his many visits.

He's never known Peach had a secret sibling!

According to Peach it's because she's been protecting you for awhile now.

She doesn't want Bowser to target you like he does to her.

So when you were able to care for yourself alone you moved out from the castle and hid your heritage.

You still visit your sister, which is how Mario met you, but for the most part you remove yourself from the castle.

You hate how your sibling keeps being targeted by Bowser but haven't been able to stop it.

In fact, you're thankful to Mario for saving your sister when Bowser does strike.

Mario honestly finds his cheeks heating when you give him your thanks.

Obviously you meet Mario first by accident but Peach allows it because she trusts her savior of many times.

For the sake of this concept maybe Mario wasn't interested in Peach.

Maybe when he first meets you he feels his cheeks heat up.

Mario most likely met you maybe a few weeks to a few months before Peach is kidnapped by Bowser again.

This gives the hero time to get to know you.

He knows about your annoyance when it comes to Bowser and your sister.

He agrees and you two become fast friends.

Mario listens intently to you when you talk about your life growing up.

You had assigned parents too look after you and you're similar in age to your sister.

You tell him how the Mushroom Kingdom is like without being bowed to like a traditional royal.

Really you're meant to take Peach's place if anything happens.

Yet you really want to protect your sister, something Mario shares in common with you.

Maybe you meet Mario's brother and friends the longer you know him.

He seems like such a sweet guy and you trust him.

All the while the hero in red begins to fall more and more in love.

He takes his time with waiting to admit how stunning you are.

He really does want to tell you that he's enamored but for now stays your friend and protector.

The second half of this concept takes place when Bowser kidnaps Peach.

Mario is adamant that you stay to keep the kingdom running.

However, you stop him with a hand on the shoulder and a stern expression.

"I'm not letting him get away with this again, I'm coming to help."

Mario is hesitant but obliges.

It gives him time to spend with you... he might as well.

Then your journey to save your sibling begins with you, Mario, Luigi, and maybe even Toad + Toadette.

There's no doubt Bowser hears about you from minions like Kamek.

He finds it strange that you share traits with the Princess but he's never seen you.

He asks more, his curiosity increasing, yet he isn't given much else.

Maybe he even asks Peach if she knows anything.

Perhaps with a harsher tone she admits she has a sibling.

Which makes Bowser eager to meet this supposed sibling.

While Bowser gains info on you by having minions stalk you, you're having fun with Mario.

Mario loves it when you smile despite you being upset about your lost sister.

He tries his best to make you happy as a hero should.

Sometimes you even take breaks long enough to rest and chat.

Mario makes it a goal to confess to you after getting Peach back.

Maybe you'll fall for him and his heroics?

You're unaware of Mario's affections other than the tint of his face and caring behavior.

He tries his best to be your guardian while making your way to the final castle.

Once you get there for the climatic battle, you come up with a plan.

You ask Mario to save your sister while you distract Bowser.

Mario finds this a horrible idea and decides against it.

Yet, again, you're insistent.

You want to help.

Not trusting the situation Mario tries to make things quick.

You nearly regret your decision when Bowser's steps enter the throne room.

The large Koopa King was expecting to see Mario here, but all he sees is... you.

His eyes widen at the prize in front of him.

Oh... you really do seem related to the Princess.

Cute, too.

With a laugh, the large beast asks why you're alone.

"I want my sister freed."

He likes that's you're bold.

You even gave him confirmation as to who you are.

"Freed? Perhaps we can make a deal?"

"What deal?"

"You take her place."

"... you can't possibly-"

"What's the matter? This way the Mushroom Kingdom gets their Princess back and I keep a prize. Is it not a noble sacrifice?"

The idea of this trade makes your skin crawl.

Bowser's gaze is intense, hungry, and eager.

Peach was getting old anyways, plus, maybe Mario will leave him alone this time?

Turns out no because just as he thinks of scooping you up, the plumber returns.

Mario comes running into the room with Peach to encounter Bowser, the Koopa King showing annoyance at this disturbance.

Mario isn't going to allow this sort of deal to happen.

In fact, maybe this time you manage to get away from Bowser after giving him just a little taste.

For now, Mario has won and brought Peach home along with you and his friends.

However, now Peach is no longer the one on danger.

While Mario plans how to confess to you, Bowser plans how to make you his.

Maybe even when Mario gets his timing right to tell you, Bowser trashes everything?

All because you came to help Mario you're now caught in the loop your sister was in.

Bowser hunts you down to kidnap you and charm you while Mario tries to play your protector and hero.

They both adore you and both try to confess.

Mario doesn't really like staining his gloves but if he has to be more cruel to get you back... he won't mind being more violent.

Meanwhile Bowser doesn't mind playing the role of monster... as long as he gets what he wants and ruins that plumber's life, he'll be happy.

It's just... well... it's up to you if you love either of them.

Sadly, even if Peach tried to make a deal like Bowser did with you, he'd never take the bait.

Bowser's already got something much sweeter than Peach.

It only gives him more satisfaction that he's stealing you from Mario.

You begin to regret coming to help your sister that day...

Perhaps you should've listened to Mario back then?

[formalmess]

For Your Entertainment ~ Chapter Eight

Summary: Luigi, Peasley, and Peach travel to Sarasaland. 

Warnings: Gore, Character Death, Murder

“Thank you, again, for everything, Princess."

Peasley's tone was quiet, having lost most of his usual cheerfulness due to what had transpired over the last few days. He still managed to maintain a generally charming politeness when addressing the royal before him, facing Peach with a smile.

He had one hand on Luigi's back to comfort his worries, which hadn't ceased since they’d left Pi'illo Island.

"It's no problem at all. Anything to help my friends." Peach smiled, glancing around the lush pink interior cabin of her private jet.

Thus far, the flight had been going smoothly. There were a few jolts and bumps throughout the journey, but nothing too bombastic. The skies were clear, the bright sun peeking through the windows lining the plane’s interior. Polterpup was sleeping in a sunny spot on the open seat beside Peach, leaning up against her bag.

A toad attendant approached the three passengers, asking the trio if they wanted anything to drink, to which the three declined.

"I hate to keep making you run around like this." Peasley glanced down.

"Why, it's no trouble at all, Peasley." Peach's sweet tone remained quiet. "I don't care if we have to move you around a hundred times, so long as you two are safe. I want to help my friends, in any way I can.”

Peasley nodded, sighing as he leaned his elbows against the armrest at his side.

Luigi, who was lying against the window at his side, exhaled shakily.

He wanted to speak. He had yet to inform Peach of what had happened, and why exactly they had to move locations again. How could he just tell her that Bowser, once her almost-weekly kidnapper, was dead? He wasn’t a fearsome king anymore. He was just bits and pieces now. Just a small portion of Dimentio’s show.

Luigi shivered, curling his arms tighter around his knees, burying his face in his kneecaps.

Peasley continued to comfortingly rub at Luigi's back, sighing.

"I just hope… h-he'll give up soon. I can only imagine this might get... oh, I don't know... tiring, after awhile."

Peach had no response.

She remembered just how persistent Dimentio had been during her travels throughout Flipside and the many dimensions connected to it. He wasn't one to give up easily. When he wanted something, he would stop at nothing to get it. If he wanted a fight, he'd get one. If he wanted someone to fight for him, he'd make them.

He did things by force. And that thought terrified her.

"So..." Peasley twiddled with his thumbs anxiously upon realizing Peach had no response. "Where exactly are we headed?"

"...Do you think it's safe to talk about?"

Peasley's gaze met Luigi's, who had perked up and turned to the two blonde royals, staring through misted eyes. He nodded, shifting slightly to appear more at attention.

Peach hesitantly reached over and pulled out a letter from her bag. She unfolded it, smoothing it out and handing it over to Luigi.

"Maybe you should read this first. She wanted me to give it to you.”

“She?” Peasley raised an eyebrow.

Luigi took the letter, his heart skipping a beat as he scanned the paper and realized who had sent it, printed in semi-neat handwriting at the bottom. He could've recognized that signature anywhere.

"Daisy?"

Peach nodded.

"Daisy? As in, Princess Daisy?” Peasley shifted, moving to glance at the letter in Luigi’s hands. “We're going to Sarasaland?"

Peach nodded again, running her hands over her dress.

"Daisy and I have been in close correspondence. We’ve kept everything very secretive, just in case anything… w-went wrong.” She paused. “B-But, Daisy told me she was more than willing to let you two stay there for a few days."

"I haven't seen Princess Daisy in quite awhile... I do hope she's doing alright." Peasley leaned back.

"Well, we'll find that out soon, won't we?" Peach’s expression brightened. "Oh! I forgot to mention, but I'll be staying with you two for a few days in Sarasaland as well. I was thinking that, if perhaps the pair of you weren't the only ones in our host's company, then..."

Peach trailed off.

"Dimentio... he… he’ll know we aren’t alone… he..." Peasley paused. He didn't want to speak for Luigi, cutting himself off. "Yes. That seems logical..."

Luigi sighed, nodding.

"But Princess, if you're staying with us, then who will watch over your kingdom?"

"I left Toadsworth to handle things for awhile. He's perfectly capable. I mean... he taught me everything I know, so there’s not a doubt in my mind he’ll be able to handle it."

”I’d hate to keep you from your kingdom… but, if you say so.”

"It’s alright. A vacation is necessary every now and again.” Peach changed the subject quickly, not wanting to focus on responsibility. “H-How's the Queen? Have you received any word from her?"

"Mother? Oh, she's alright. She sent me a letter a couple of nights ago… nothing much more than good wishes and messages to stay safe.” Peasley’s expression softened before he snapped his head back up to attention, turning up to face Peach once more. “And what of Mario? Is there any news on his end?"

"Still nothing.” Peach paused. “...I just hope he's okay."

Silence surrounded the passengers.

"How long until we arrive?" Peasley inquired softly after the awkward quiet grew too much for him to bear.

"About... an hour, or so? Judging by the time it's taken so far."

Luigi kept his gaze low, not daring to look up as the conversation continued. He was afraid he’d start crying again if he met eyes with the others, and he was already exhausted as it was from the emotional fatigue.

He jolted suddenly, shifting as Peasley wrapped an arm around him.

“Luigi…? It’s gonna be okay. I promise.”

Luigi forced a smile.

But, no matter what he tried, the same thought kept invading into his mind, shattering any composure he was desperately trying to hold to.

It wasn’t going to be okay.

Yet, still, he smiled. He would force a smile for everyone, no matter how long it took.

He moved his legs and turned his back to his companions, glancing out the window once more as the plane continued onward toward their destination.

                                          - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Upon their arrival, the three exited the plane hesitantly, carrying their luggage as they went. A few Toads helped their princess with her things, despite her gentle protests and assurance that they didn’t have to.

Sarasaland was MUCH hotter than Pi’illo Island, which only left the three overdressed visitors extremely sweaty as they made it out onto the runway. The sun blazed down upon the desert region below, the Birabuto Kingdom practically a blur in the distance as they scanned the steaming horizon. The asphalt below them was sizzling.

“LUIGI!”

Luigi didn't have time to react before he was promptly swept off his feet, dropping his bags to the ground. He had the air squeezed out of him as he was lifted up into the air by a smiling figure.

“It’s so good to see you, Weegie!” Princess Daisy was laughing as she set the frazzled brunette down. She dusted him off, chuckling. “Sorry ‘bout that. It’s just been way too long.”

“I-It’s only been a few days, though…” Luigi mumbled, smiling.

“I know, I know! But, that doesn’t matter. It’s always great to see you!”

Princess Daisy looked as chipper as ever, her freckled face smiling. She wore athletic wear, tanned arms placed proudly on her hips.

”What took you guys so long? I’ve been waiting out here like, all day. Peach didn’t tell me much, ‘cause we were supposed to be keeping things on the down-low, so I was told.”

”Had to check on a few last-minute things.” Peasley explained.

”Well, took you forever... but, hey, that’s no big deal! So, listen, I know you guys just got here, and you’re probably super tired and will probably say no to this, buuuut-!” Daisy grinned. “I was thinkin’ we could play some two-on-two tennis! I’ve been wanting to play a doubles match again, and I mean… We have four players right here!”

Peasley, despite his fatigue, grinned and perked up. He set his bags down, pulling his hair up. “Challenge accepted.”

“Awesome!” Daisy’s eyes lit up. “I call dibs on having Luigi as my partner!”

Peasley scoffed, standing at Peach’s side. “You’re on.”

Daisy smiled, reaching down and heaving Luigi’s heavy suitcase up over her shoulder with little effort. She turned to him, smiling.

“C’mon! We’re losing daylight, people!”

The group quickly gathered up their things, Daisy carrying most of Luigi’s stuff at this point. Luigi, meanwhile, held onto Polterpup, walking close to Daisy. They chatted the entire way up to the castle.

Before heading off to the tennis courts, the four made their way through the savanna region outside of Birabuto Kingdom and eventually into the main square, stopping at the castle to drop off their things. They left Polterpup under the care of one of the servants.

Hastily changing into their athletic clothing, the four began their trek toward Muda Kingdom, the district that held most of the resources for sporting activities. They spent most of the day playing tennis and chattering, going to and from the cities of the Muda region.

The streets of the Muda Kingdom were lined with cobblestone, mountains along the landscape in the distance. Small baroque-style buildings lined the streets, flowers growing in nearly every inch of the small town, hanging out of windows or in shop displays.

Daisy gave brief tours of the areas they encountered, but nothing as detailed as the historical lessons Dreambert had given about Pi’illo Island. She was a lot more excitable, easily distracted by the smallest things.

The shops in town were relatively busy, various citizens rushing at the chance to assist their beloved ruler and her guests. The group shopped for hours, trying on clothes and purchasing souvenirs, trying to explore every inch of the tropical Muda region’s cities.

And, despite nobody talking about it, all of them were trying their best to get Luigi back into the swing of things. They tried to shift his focus from everything that had happened by any means.

And yet, no matter what they tried, it still looked like his mind wasn't in the best place. He looked so tired.

As the sun set in the distance, casting a warm overlay over the small town, the group of four strode toward the beach to end off their busy day.

Walking along the beach just outside a nearby seaside resort, the group approached the ocean tide along the sand, wanting nothing more than to cool off after having to endure the blazing temperatures of Sarasaland all day. They shivered momentarily as the water brushed against their feet, before running into the moving tides. The sun continued to set in the distance, casting bright rays along the shifting waves.

Luigi hung back.

Upon the others voicing their concern, he waved a hand and told them to go on without him. He said he’d come join them in a bit, a statement in which he knew he was lying to himself.

Luigi's gaze remained set forward, unmoving. He sighed as he sat down on the sand beneath him, trying to wipe at his eyes as he felt tears begin to build up.

Seeing his friends so happy, without a care in the world as they splashed water at each other and laughed… It made his chest ache. He felt like everything he touched, everything he encountered, everything he so much as gazed at, was cursed to suffer a painful end.

More than anything right now, he just wanted to be alone. Maybe, if he was alone, then Dimentio would finally just come and end his game already. It’d be better than having to watch his friends suffer. Anything would be better than that.

He exhaled, feeling tears slip down his cheeks.

"Hey, Weeg?"

Luigi jumped, glancing up as he hastily wiped at his eyes.

Daisy was staring at him, having just emerged from the water, walking across the beachside. She brushed a hand through her soaked hair, sitting down on her knees beside Luigi.

"You okay?”

”Y-Yeah, I’m fine…” Luigi felt his head start to sting, vision going hazy. He felt numb, fingers digging into the sand beneath him. “I just…”

He flinched as Daisy hugged him. He was numb for a moment, before he fell limp in her arms.

”Look, Weeg, Peach told me everything.” Daisy whispered. “I had no idea someone would be capable of that. I… I didn’t know… I thought you were just acting weird, but, I…”

She stood, reaching out a hand to help Luigi up.

”I just want to help you out, in any way I can.” Daisy said, grabbing Luigi’s hand and pulling him up to his feet. “You’re like, one of my best friends. You don’t deserve this kinda stuff happening to you.”

Luigi nodded shakily, glancing up to meet Peach and Peasley’s gaze as they too emerged from the water. They approached hesitantly, keeping their distance to leave Luigi some personal space.

”Man, what I wouldn’t give to kick that sorry jester sicko right in the face…” Daisy mumbled, gritting her teeth as her trembling hands tightened into fists.

Luigi forced out a chuckle. It was hollow and sad in nature, but still audible.

”Luigi?” Peasley’s voice sounded, concerned. “Are you feeling okay? You're starting to look rather sickly again.”

”Should we go back?” Daisy squinted at the small sliver of sunlight left over the horizon. “It’s gettin’ dark anyway.”

Luigi hugged his sides, nodding. “P-Please.”

With one arm draped around Luigi’s trembling form, Peasley led him off the beachside. The four walked in silence along the emptied streets on their way back to the Birabuto Kingdom. They walked across cooled sand, darkness shrouding over them.

When they ultimately arrived at the Birabuto castle, torches lit along the outside exterior, Daisy shoved open the doors with little hesitation. She made her presence known immediately, yelling out, only to be met with an eerie silence.

Not a guard or servant was in sight. Every hesitant footstep echoed throughout the main hall as the group entered.

”Guys! Yo! Hey, is anyone here?” She called, spinning around as she examined the halls further. She raised a hand to her chin, walking up to Peach. “Weird. There’s always at least a few guards stationed out here, usually…”

Peasley stepped forward to help the Sarasan Princess investigate, stopping when he heard Luigi cough gently. He turned his back, approaching his husband and holding his hands.

”Luigi? Are you alright?” Peasley questioned worriedly. “What’s wrong?”

Luigi nodded, skin pale and clammy, sweat dripping down his cheeks. “I’m okay… I just want to go to sleep. I’ll be okay... I-”

Luigi stopped. His pale skin turned white as his blue eyes widened in terror. Luigi stood paralyzed, horrified at the sight just behind his husband.

"Luigi? Are you alright?" Peasley turned his head to investigate the area behind him.

He squinted, scanning the area.

And that’s when he froze, feeling his chest drop out as he noticed a darkened figure standing not very far from them. They were concealed under a cover of shadow produced by a towering column at the furthest end of the main hall, but their features were still visible.

They were smiling.

A blur of purple and yellow was all that remained as the figure retreated and bolted away down another one of the castle’s hallways.

"How did he...?" 

Peasley's fleeting confusion faded, now replaced with pure malice. His hands shook, body trembling. Hatred consumed his chest and heart, mind clouded with the same thought of chasing and striking down the retreating figure.

The fuming prince jumped to attention, his enraged expression unchanging as he dashed down the castle hall and out of sight.

"Peasley!" Peach called, now attentive as she and Daisy perked up from their conversation, examining the commotion.

Luigi watched Peasley run off, scrambling to follow after his husband. Daisy and Peach dashed ahead of him. The three turned a corner, calling out for Peasley and keeping an eye out for anything else suspicious lurking in the shadows.

"P-Peasley!" Luigi called, trembling as he tried to steady his uncontrollable shaking. He felt tears welling in his eyes, his heart pounding.

They froze and jumped upon hearing a loud crash and thud from around the nearest corner. Following the sound without hesitation, they were met with a single dark room, the doors having been flung open.

Luigi entered without thinking, continuing to call out for his husband. "Peasley!"

”L-Luigi…?”

Luigi gasped, eyes adjusting to the darkness as he realized Peasley was lying against the wall on the other side of the compact room. He was holding an arm over his chest, wincing slightly as Luigi approached.

”What happened?!” Luigi questioned feverishly, reaching out a shaky hand to try and assess Peasley’s injuries.

”I… I don’t k-know…” Peasley murmured, trying to focus his vision. “He… h-he… he disappeared. I don’t know how, I don't remember what happened, I don’t know… I just remember hitting the wall…”

”Peasley!” Peach cried, running up to her friend’s side. “Are you okay?”

”I’m just a little dizzy, that’s all…”

”What was that for?!” Daisy questioned, also entering the room, exasperated as she searched for her breath. She bent over, calloused hands on her knees. “You scared us all half to death!”

”I saw…”

The four flinched at the sudden sound of the doors they had just entered from slamming shut.

Click.

Daisy turned, grabbing the handles of the door and pushing and pulling against them, to which the doors refused to budge.

”Great.” She exhaled, releasing an annoyed sigh. “Guys, I think-”

”Ah, so my hapless audience finally arrives! You certainly don’t wear tardiness well…”

Freezing up, the four turned their gaze up to a screen display upon the wall, having turned on upon the doors shutting. Whirring to life, the screen blinked, revealing hazy static for a moment.

Peasley stood up, scooting back as he tried to examine the grainy video, squinting.

The static soon faded, now replaced with a clearer image.

And, greeting them upon the screen, was Dimentio. His masked face was turned upward, forming a wickedly sadistic grin. It seemed even more twisted than before.

"Good evening, one and all!” His voice rang out, much clearer in comparison to the condition of the previous tapes. His tone was the same though, as jubilant as ever. “Tonight's show was rather unprecedented, but I believe I've concocted quite the spectacle for you all to feast your eyes upon!"

”Who... Who is that?” Daisy murmured, stepping back.

”That’s…” Peach inhaled, gulping nervously. “That’s w-who I told you about.”

”That’s Dimentio?” Daisy questioned, butchering her pronunciation of the mad jester’s name. “He… doesn’t seem all that bad.”

Almost in response, Dimentio’s voice got louder, making showy motions with his hands as he faced the camera with a smile.

"Tonight, my dearest assistant and I will be putting on a show to reveal both of our skills and strengths! It will be quite the sight to behold, unveiling these skills never before seen by the public eye!" Dimentio's eyes lit up in anticipation, his grand smile only widening in excitement.

A low groan sounded from behind Dimentio, the sound crackling slightly through the jumbled audio. Dimentio turned, moving out of the way as someone shifted further back in the camera’s view.

”Where… Where am I?” The unidentifiable figure questioned, their inquiry almost lost in the garbled audio. They sounded exhausted.

”Careful, now!” Dimentio commanded from outside the view of the screen. “My teleportation skills are still rather rusty, so do forgive me if you feel a little light-headed.”

The figure stood, back straight, blinking and turning to finally stare directly at the camera.

”D-Dreambert?”

Luigi’s voice was practically a whisper. He didn’t want to believe it. This couldn’t be real.

”Ahahaha… I don’t believe you heard my introduction, so allow me to repeat myself!” Dimentio exclaimed, emerging from the shadows at the edges of the screen’s display, grabbing Dreambert up off the floor by his shoulders. He forced the panicking prince up to his feet, gesturing forward.

“Tonight, we will be putting on a show unlike any other! It will be a chance for me to show off a few tricks up my sleeve…" Dimentio pressed a finger onto Dreambert's cheek. "And for YOU to show off your skills of endurance!"

”Are you… D-Dimentio?” Dreambert sounded appalled, trying to move, only to realize his wrists were tied tightly behind his back.

”Ah, so you know me! Finally! It’s sooo nice to meet someone who can actually recognize my talents and prowess!” Dimentio gasped out. “My reputation DOES precede me, after all!”

Dimentio dropped Dreambert to the floor, walking forward. His movements were much more fluid than how he had once appeared in the first tape, practically gliding across the floor as he moved.

”But, enough introductions! Our show must begin!”

Dimentio held out a hand, faint sparks emerging from his fingertips, his black gloves reflecting the light.

”Our first trick will involve aim.” He laughed as a minuscule ball of concentrated energy appeared in his palm, almost resembling a star. “You can try and dodge this, if you’d like.”

Dreambert’s breathing became hurried, panicking and glancing around to try and locate any signs of an exit.

Dimentio only laughed, releasing the blast of energy from his palm, sending it hurtling toward the Pi’illo prince. Dreambert just barely swerved out of the way, crouching down. He winced as he realized the tips of his pillow hood were singed, the blast hitting the wall.

”Not bad!” Dimentio announced, pleased. “Just how long can you keep it up, is the question…”

He produced yet another star-like projectile in his hand, waving a finger before he flung it forward toward Dreambert.

Dreambert ducked, rolling out of the way as Dimentio continued to cackle in delight. He produced projectile after projectile, refusing to stop. He fired each of them upon the prince, who continued scrambling around to try and avoid the blasts of energy.

Dimentio knew his victim would tire of running eventually, his smile refusing to cease as he watched him run from corner to corner of the room. He didn’t mind waiting, so long as his assistant's efforts weren’t short-lived.

Why, making an effort was the least they could do!

Without warning, Dimentio raised both hands, the star-like glimmering ball of energy pulsing and sparking in his grasp. He threw it down, slamming it directly into Dreambert’s chest. Dreambert hit the wall with a crack, falling to the floor. He groaned.

”Aha! I knew you wouldn’t be able to dodge forever!” Dimentio snapped his fingers, teleporting to Dreambert’s side, a ripple appearing in the static screen.

He placed a hand under Dreambert’s chin, his cracked smile unmoving. Dreambert struggled to escape the bonds around his wrists, but to no avail.

Dreambert fought back tears, his chest aching as he felt warm blood seeping into his clothes. The burning sensation was still present from the initial hit. One of his bones felt broken, numbness overtaking his body.

”Feeling tired? We can take a quick intermission, if you’d like.” Dimentio grinned, standing up as he let Dreambert fall back to the floor. “I did want to show you something…”

Dimentio fiddled with something offscreen, snapping his fingers.

”You should feel honored, dreamy one. This isn’t all that bad, really...” Dimentio coyly spoke. “At least you weren’t blown to bits like my last show… Ah, you should’ve seen it! I’d love to show you, but we don’t have time for that. But, I can show you this!”

Dimentio crouched down beside the writhing Dreambert once more, holding out a jar full of yellow scaly skin and flesh, blood dripping down the sides of the jar.

”This was what was left of my last assistant.” He explained calmly to a horrified Dreambert, his masked expression still a smile. “Luckily, what I have in store for our program tonight won’t be nearly as brutal! I suppose I felt bad for you, in a way… you would have never been in this position, had you not been… ah, shall we say, in the wrong place at the wrong time?”

Dimentio’s smile dropped.

”But… Bowser… he was the reason my plans were thwarted…” He growled, standing as he threw the jar down to the floor, the contents spilling out as it smashed open.

”Bowser…?” Peach whispered, holding her hands up to cover her face, horrified.

Dreambert’s face turned up instinctively at the overwhelming stench of blood and rotting flesh, gagging.

”But, no matter! I do believe this intermission has gone on long enough, don’t you agree?”

Dreambert’s eyes widened, terrified.

”N-No! Wait, please, we can talk about this!” Dreambert attempted, large tears slipping down his cheeks. “I swear, I-I can give you anything you want!”

”Ahaha…”

Dimentio chuckled, lowering his face. His soft giggling soon heightened, grabbing Dreambert by his cape and forcing him up to his feet to stare into his trembling gaze. Dimentio's mismatched eyes were maddened.

“Ahahaha… AHAHAHAHAHAHA!” He raised his voice, his tone dangerous and shaky as his eyes narrowed. “YOU can’t even begin to FATHOM what I WANT!”

He slammed Dreambert’s limp and bleeding form up against the wall, laughing still as he snapped his fingers, another star-like burst of energy in his hands.

”What I want? I want to see those who wronged me BURN.”

Dimentio lifted his hand, forcing his blazing palm down onto Dreambert’s cheek, burning skin and melting off his flesh. Dreambert howled in pain, trying to kick at Dimentio to weaken his hold, but nothing happened.

“I want to see them suffer. I want to see the light of hope fade from their eyes.”

Dimentio dropped Dreambert to the floor, the pi’illo prince coughing and hiccuping on his sobs as his tears refused to cease.

”So, you’ve given up, already?”

Dreambert glanced up, trembling.

”What would your people think of you now, Prince Dreambert? Don’t you want to be a good role model to your citizens?” Dimentio’s face cracked back into a deranged smile. “What will they think when they see you like this?”

Dreambert tried to move, but fell back to the floor, crying out in pain. “No… don’t…”

”They’ll think you’re pathetic.”

Dimentio snaked his hands around Dreambert’s neck, squeezing down hard on his throat as his smile only widened. Dreambert sputtered and choked, gasping for breath and mercy. He wanted to try and pry Dimentio’s hands away, but his restricted wrists didn’t help to aid him.

His gaze went glossy, his eyes losing focus as he felt saliva trickling down his face, tears continuing to drag down his face.

He was going to die.

What he wasn’t expecting to happen next, was for Dimentio to abruptly release and drop him.

Dreambert glanced up through misty eyes as he hit the ground, hoping to the stars above that there had been a change of heart somewhere deep within the psychotic jester.

Dimentio turned on his heel away from Dreambert, waltzing over to the camera and reaching beyond it, grabbing something in his hands. He glanced down at the small object held in his fingers, a glint of metal reflecting on the camera.

”It’s time for our little show to come to a close.”

Dimentio grabbed Dreambert from behind, holding his head up. He forced him to turn and look toward the camera.

“Please…” Dreambert whined out, practically inaudible to his captor. He fidgeted, numb. “Stop…”

Dimentio raised his arm, revealing the object held in his fingers. It was a needle, filled with a dark purple liquid.

Dimentio ignored Dreambert’s soft protests, puncturing the prince's neck with a soft hum, positioning the tip of the needle on the flesh before squeezing down on it. He pushed, still humming, until the barrel of the syringe was empty.

He laughed before tossing the needle aside.

“There!” Dimentio smiled, grabbing Dreambert’s cheeks and forcing him to stare into his eyes. “Our show is complete. Do you care to take a bow, Prince Dreambert?”

“I-I just…” Dreambert whimpered, gulping down saliva as his voice nearly gave out. “I just want to go home…”

“Unfortunately, that can’t be arranged. But, I’ll tell you what...” Dimentio dropped Dreambert to the floor roughly once more, looming over him as he stood up. “That poison will start to kick in in about… let’s say, give or take, five minutes or so. So, until then, I’ll leave you completely alone! You can do whatever you’d like in your final moments. Doesn’t that sound so nice, princey?”

Dreambert released a choked sob.

“That’s what I thought. I’m just so generous, aren’t I?”

Dimentio turned to face his unseen audience, smiling.

”Thank you for tuning in, ladies and gentlemen! It has been a pleasure performing for you all once again! And please, do enjoy the finale provided by my assistant, Dreambert! It’s one to die for, I’m sure! Ahahaha! Ciao!”

Dimentio cackled maliciously before teleporting out of the vicinity, his laughter still echoing in the small, dim space even after he was gone.

And for the next five minutes, the group of horrified individuals watching were forced to witness Dreambert as he sobbed, screaming for aid. He repeatedly tried to move, but his exhaustion, wounds, and the poisonous fluid coursing through his veins only left him immobilized as he continued to screech and beg for help.

He prayed, whispering under his breath, but he knew it was no use.

He knew his attempts were hopeless, eventually falling to the ground and going silent. His face was colored a horrid purple.

”I’m… sorry… e-everyone…”

The audio cut out, the video feed turning to static as Prince Dreambert released his final breath.

The screen went black.

The doors behind the group unlocked with a click, re-opening with an achingly slow creak.

Laughter rang in their ears.

[blackhakumen]

Fanfic #6: After the Aces Tournament

After facing trials and errors against a legendary yet demonic tennis racket known as Lucien, The Mushroom Kingdom and Royal Tennis Tournament was saved yet again thanks to their number one hero, Mario.

While everyone was celebrating for Mario's victory and heroism, the princess of Sarasaland, Daisy, was sitting alone in a table, staring worryingly at Mario's younger brother and one of her bestest friends, Luigi. Ever since she saw her sweetie easily gotten himself possessed by some evil looking racket, the thought of that even happened alone left the princess on a baffling edge. She could definitely see why Wario and Waluigi fell for the racket possession, since all those fools care about is getting rich instead using some common sense, seeing Luigi, of all people, getting fooled by that thing too was beyond her knowledge. Luigi might not be the smartest guy she knows, he was definitely not the stupidest either. Either way, this really doesn't set well for Daisy at all.

So after a few minutes of silence and thinking, Daisy decided that she needs to talk to Luigi about this before the party is over. So after Luigi was done with a brief conversation with one of the Toad, Daisy came by and ask him to come with her in private so she could talk with him alone. Luigi be was a little confused by the request at first, but quickly agreed to follow her to find a place where they could have their private conversation.

Once they've found the location, which is inside the Sport Equipment Storage Building, their conversation could finally begin:

Luigi: So...is there anything you wanted to talk to me about, Daisy? You've been pretty quiet during the party so I was a little worried?

Daisy: Well... before I tell you what's going on, I need to do something first.

Luigi: Oh...really? If you mind me asking, what is it you wanted to do first, exactly?

Daisy: Simple, Sweetie. This!

(Daisy Smacks Luigi on the top of his head.)

Luigi: Owwww!.... Mamma Mia, Daisy! What the heck was that for?

Daisy: That was for letting some Tennis Racket mind control you and having me worried sick about you all day! Just what the hell were you thinking back there?! Getting yourself possessed like that!!

Luigi: I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to let myself get possessed and make you all worried like that! Plus I don't know why I let Lucien trick me like that! I-it just.... happened, you know?

Daisy: ('Sigh') Not that I don't believe you or anything, but what you mean by 'It just happened'?

Luigi: ('Took Deep Breaths') ....Ok, have you ever seen those kinds of movie where someone get's easily distracted by some light lurking them in to their trap?

Daisy: Most of the time, yeah...

Luigi: Well, that what happened but...only more...real and.... creepy like...

Daisy: That would explain some things, but why did you even looked at it in the first place? You're nowhere near as gold hungry like twiddle dumb and twiddle stupid over there, so what makes you so interested in that racket anyways?

Luigi: I-I just thought it looked pretty neat and stuff..... but I guess It already took me by surprise... I'm sorry, Daisy. That wasn't a good enough excuse for me getting tricked and used like that.... guess that makes me pretty weak, huh?

The look at Luigi's sad and ashamed eyes as well as hearing him called himself 'weak' had already broke the tomboy princess' heart in a matter seconds. If there's one thing that Daisy hate the most is that seeing the people , who are dear to her, all sad and depressed. So Daisy did what any best friend would do these situations; hug the crap outta them and do whatever it takes to make him happy again. Which is exactly what she's going to do to her Weegie.

Daisy: First of all, you are anything but weak, Luigi! In fact, you're pretty much the strongest person I ever met, physical and (sometimes) even emotionally! Besides, just because you got possessed by some weird looking racket-

Luigi: Actually it's name is Lucien-

Daisy: Please don't interrupt me while I'm cheering you up here, sweetie....

Luigi: S-sorry!

Daisy: As I was saying, just because you were possessed by some racket, that doesn't automatically make you weak. It only makes you more of that thing's victim, if anything. And second...you don't have to apologise about something like that. Honest. I mean, the only reason why I was upset earlier was because I was worried about you, you know?

Luigi: Wait....you were worried about me?

Daisy: Well, duh! Of course I was worried, you dummy! An evil tennis racket, with a weird name, using you like some kind of puppet for... whatever that thing wants. You have no idea how much I wanted to get out of that stadium and help you out back there!

Luigi: Now did you mention it....why didn't you join Mario and the others to help out, anyways?

Daisy: Well, Peach and I wanted to, but Toad told us not to go because to him, we're both 'Royalty' and all that other crap.... Pretty stupid, I know.

Luigi: Ah c'mon, Daisy. He was only trying to keep you two safe.

Daisy: I know, but I can totally take care of myself! Remember that time I slapped the crap out of Bowser so hard that he flew across another orbit?! (Smirks proudly) He never tried to kidnap me ever since.

Luigi: (Laughs Softly) Yeah...that was pretty random. Even for you.

Daisy: I know, right?! But anyways, there's absolutely nothing to apologise for, Luigi. Just please promise me that you'll be careful for next time, 'kay? I really don't wanna smack you upside the head again.

Luigi: (Smiles Brightly) Of course, Daisy. I'll be careful for now on. I promise!

Daisy: (Smiles bashfully) Thanks sweetie.

Luigi: Your welcome. And thank you for making me feel better. You're the best friend a guy like me can ask for.

Daisy: D'awww you're so welcome, Weegie!~ I'm just glad I was able to talk to you at all.

Luigi: Well I'm glad you did.

Daisy: (Pulls Luigi in a one arm hug) Alright, c'mon, Weegie. We gotta get more food from the stands before it they're all sold out.

Luigi: Lead the way, Milady.

[ahntravels]

Day два.

Day 2. Woke up and completely forgot I was in St. Petersburg for a moment. My bed at home is  a queen, and the bed at this hotel is for a tiny person (in fact, I think my bed at ND was larger...) Anyway, I rolled over as per usual, and completely rolled off the bed. 

I never would have thought, in my wildest dreams, I would one day wake up in Russia. Here’s to just pulling the trigger and making it happen. 

Today, as mentioned yesterday, is Hermitage day. I didn’t know what exactly to expect, except all blogs mentioned to a) buy your ticket in advance (online) and b) get there early. The museum opens at 10, and I had planned on getting there at 10, except halfway through the 20 minute walk I realized I forgot my wallet and visa so I had to go walk back to the hotel and then walk back again, basically adding another 30 minutes to my trip. I arrived around 10:30.

I will say, walking up to the Winter Palace (Hermitage) was surreal. It’s HUGE. 

Below is the arch you walk through which reveals the mammoth Palace

I’ve seen Buckingham Palace in London and Versailles in Paris. I will say that they are NOTHING compared to the Hermitage Museum in terms of shear size. It’s kind of crazy that those arches completely conceal the Palace until you start to walk through it. Then you see like...part of the Palace, but it’s not until you walk through the arch that there is this instantaneous reveal. Included in the reveal is the shock of just seeing the Palace in full + the huge size of it spanning your vision across the X-axis + all the blue sky and empty space that just silences you for a moment. 

SIDE NOTE: For whatever stupid, immature reason, every time I think of the “reveal”, I think of that scene from Mario 64 when you’re running towards a photo of the Princess and it turns out to be Bowser. No, I’m not drunk, don’t ask me why I think of these things at the most random times. And yes, I did spend 15 minutes searching for this photo collage. 

Anyway. I am sure the Winter Palace is GORGEOUS during winter. The acoustics of the space when it’s covered in snow must be like...next level. I’m sure St. Petersburg during the winter is amazing. 

If you want a history lesson on the Hermitage, the Hermitage website has a great timeline. Again, as with the other blogs, I’m not going to be going into detail about images of the place or the history of the pieces exhibited. So many other blogs have done it so much better and I’m not going to butcher that. I’ll just mention a few things that stuck out to me, and you can Google around and figure it out.

I will say that if you do visit, I can offer a couple of tips you may want to follow.

1) The map. The map is confusing but not. You’ll just find yourself getting annoyed because, when you know where you are going, the gaggle of tourists and tourist groups will spin you around and suddenly you forget which way is which. Because the museum is HUGE (I saw maybe 1/8th of the museum in 4-5 hours?) you have to prioritize what to see. Keep in mind that, as time elapses, the museum becomes more and more inundated with the dreaded tourist groups, basically making your chances of getting a clear photo of anything nill. 

2) Tourists (a.k.a. the “Boos”). See the map below. The Hermitage has 3 floors. Below is a floor plan of probably the most popular floor, thanks to Mr. da Vinci and many of the decorative palace rooms (amongst other exhibits):

The good thing is that the map kind of pulls out the most famous exhibits and shows you what room they are in. This makes your job of figuring out where you need to go to cross out those items from your bucket list easy. The bad part: The enemy (a.k.a. tourists groups a.k.a. “boos”) also know where these pieces are and are racing as well to find them. The good news: the boos are with tourist groups and have to wait until the tour guide guides them to the room with the exhibit. So, you have time to beat them to it and snag the photo if you are quick. 

Just like in Mario, as time progresses and you aren’t being proactive, more and more of these guys are going to flood the Museum and follow you and clog up the exhibits. So, how do you win? I suggest getting to the museum first thing, then IMMEDIATELY source those famous exhibits, get your photos, then start at the beginning. Most of the tourists are going to be spending a large portion of their time taking photos of the great hall, which leaves you time to sneak past. Case in point:

The line to da Vinci. It was actually way worse a bit earlier when I came around again. I managed to get there early enough and snagged a decent photo:

In general, just like Versailles, the rooms are huge and ornate and absolutely beautiful. I was standing by a window, looking out into the courtyard from what was probably a ballroom in the palace, and thought to myself who else, years ago, was gazing forlornly (or with happiness, or deep in thought) out this same window.

I think that is the most magical part about these palace museums: people LIVED here. People also died here, were executed, fell in love, gave birth, went mad. And when you see relics of those like ridiculous looking Russian uniforms or weird trinkets from decades past, you have to remember that, no, these weren’t fashioned after film props, but film props fashioned after the real living thing. And the real living thing from 100+ years ago is right in front of you. 

It’s pretty spectacular. 

Oh, so this was exciting: The were having a temporary exhibit, and it was REMBRANDT!! Mike! I’m sure you have seen most of these because they sourced the pieces from the Leiden collection...maybe you have seen some of these at the Frick?

Anyway, there was NO PHOTOGRAPHY so I couldn’t really snag photos of pieces specifically. 

I did find myself in a Jean-Baptiste while lost in the French wing:

I didn’t and couldn’t wander the halls for the full 4-5 hours straight. I took a couple of breaks, grabbing a coffee at the cafe for 15 minutes before trying again. I do suggest you break up your visit to the Hermitage into two days; it really is the only way to not feel like your brain is going to explode. 

Afterwards, I took a walk outside by the water behind the Palace. 

Gratuitous selfie. That’ll be two hundred rubles. 

At this point, I had about 2.5 hours to kill before I needed to make my way to the Mariinsky Theater for the performance. So, I did what anyone should do, and that is wander around and picked up a snack to munch on (sorry, no photo of munchies).

There were people painting on the lawn, and I meant to come back and scope out the progress, but became distracted so I didn’t. I did manage to view a live performance (there are performers EVERYWHERE) and I’ll have to post in a separate blog entry because I still can’t figure out how to take the video from my phone and stick it here. 

I stopped at a progressive burger joint (in terms of menu options) for my “snack” (I didn’t eat breakfast despite my large leftovers still sitting in the refrigerator) and ate one of these guys sans burger sauce:

It’s essentially a falafal burger with cucumbers and halved grape tomatoes inside. The bun was my least favorite part (larger in circumference than the patty, which drives me INSANE) so I ditched it angrily. The bun and the burger should be the same size, and the patty should be thicker than each half of the bun. If the top bun is thicker than the patty, the bun is trash. BESIDES THAT ISSUE, the patty was actually really flavorful, and the veggies were (surprise!) slightly pickled. I wasn’t a huge fan of the background of dill I tasted, but that’s fine. The lunch hit the spot and I felt alive again. 

I know, call me a hypocrite for yelling about wasting food and here I am ditching a perfectly good bun. Well, arguably it wasn’t perfectly good, but I did take a bite and decided I much preferred the insides. Whatever. To quote Trump, “Who cares, we won!”

ASHLEY SIDE NOTE: It’s actually been great being overseas, because I have been shielded from all the US politics. However, I did catch a headline today and I mistakenly checked out Trump’s interview and wow...glad I am over here.

Eventually, I made my way to the theater via Uber (there is no Lyft here, and taxis are a little...shady. And slow. And expensive). I will have to comment on Russian driving (or, driving in Russia):

1) It’s nuts. Nuttier than cabbies and NYC driving. Nuttier than driving in France. Probably not nuttier than driving in Vietnam or other places where you are competing with scooters and cars, but it’s still pretty nutty.

2) However, I noticed that they do one thing correctly and without anger that we don’t do in America, and that is merging. In Russia, they utilize the “zipper merge” technique quite patiently and diligently, which, after taking 3 Ubers and cursing under my breath at the “assholes” who merged at the last minute, I realized that this was common and drivers didn’t sweat it. 

“Those apparently rude drivers are putting more of the roadway to use and thus helping speed things along, in much the same way water flows faster through a funnel than through a straw.”

3) There is no bus lane or real lanes in general (I mean, there are lines painted in the road but people disregard them) and cars are just weaving in and out, trying to avoid buses, bikers, etc. And everyone drives stick, so it can get a little rough at times.

Anyway, I manged to get to the theater at the nick of time (traffic is TERRIBLE) and had decent balcony seating:

The Mariiinsky Theater isn’t huge, but the acoustics are really good. The ballet itself was really interesting. Interesting in the sense that this performance, in terms of skill, seemed to be this mix of gracefulness and like...cirque du soleil. I haven’t seen many ballets, but the ones I have seen did not showcase these magnificent bouts of exaggerated athleticism as performed by these dancers (i.e. 360 degree turns ad infinitum, Labron Jamesesque slam dunk vertical leaps, etc). Don’t get me wrong; these dancers are incredible and it was fun to watch them exhibit their unrelenting strength. However, I felt, where the narrative fell short, the shock and awe carried it through.

 I have to be honest and say that I’m not the type to sit through a long, dry opera or ballet, so Le Corsaire broke through any of that fear and was much appreciated. Given we are in the world of #metoo, the plot didn’t really adhere to the moral standard (the narrative is much about the selling of women as slaves, that people of the Middle Eastern ethnicity is less than smart, etc). Yeah, not the best message. However, despite the immature and possibly offensive plot, the artistry was really good...the backgrounds and costumes were beautiful, and the music was moving. I really liked the duo in Act II...I believe it’s the Adagio, but I will have to go back through the soundtrack to figure it out. 

Afterwards, I ate a really light and late dinner and came back to the hotel where I am writing this. It’s past midnight, and I am officially 63 years old!*

Tomorrow, I think i will visit the Faberge museum, then the Anna Akhamatova Museum, then a food market called  the Kuznechny Market where I will try to buy some caviar, THEN bday dinner, then I need to hit the hay because I have a 6AM train out of Russia and into Estonia. I am really feeling sad that my stay in Russia is ending, but excited to see two more countries. 

Until tomorrow!

*I told the waiter today was my birthday, and he said, “Congratulations”. What a curious response. I suppose living is a task, and becoming a year older is like a life promotion.  

[chlstarrbaby]

True Rescue, a King Boo and Princess Peach fic

(Kippea Week Day 3)

Summary: King Boo Rescues Princess Peach in the real world this time, beating the Mario Brothers to her by a landslide, and buying plenty of time to keep Bowser preoccupied with other things besides kidnapping Peach all the time, and they take the scenic route back to her castle.

Rating: K+ Warnings: Not really any except for how ushy gushy and cavity inducing cute it gets towards the end.

Princess Peach sighed in exasperation, she was captured again and immensely bored. Bowser had made another castle in the sky and had forgotten to make a good room that would suit her, so she ended up with an impromptu bedroom that was once a storage room, but at least it had a window so she could see if and when the barrier surrounding the castle fell from the coming of the Mario brothers.

However, it fell sooner than it should have and it sent Bowser on high enough alert that he came to get her personally instead of sending guards for her so he could look dramatic in front of the brothers. Unfortunately all that planned drama was for naught as it was not the Mario brothers who bust in but King Boo instead.

“What? You’ve gotta be kidding me, you broke my castle’s barrier? But how-?” Bowser complained and then noticed the yellow topaz in King Boo’s crown which simultaneously made the ghostly monarch’s eyes glow yellow and they were pretty creepy in the darkness around his eyes. “Oh, I see. You got a new jewel for your crown, so what - you short circuited the barrier with it? And whaddaya want anyway?”

King Boo merely grinned at the Koopa King, as if he knew something the over grown Koopa didn’t. Even though King Boo came alone and was at his smallest and most average size, the topaz turned out to be stronger than even he thought, but when he had gotten word that Peach had been kidnapped by her common nuisance, well, he wasn’t going to just float idly by and wait for the Mario brothers to handle it. And as he told her time and time again in her nightmares of Bowser that he rescues her from, it’s about time someone put a stop to this asinine cycle of repetition, even if Bowser was an old friend of his, King Boo was willing to turn against him for the sake of her happiness.

“Why yes, that’s exactly what I did to your flimsy barrier, I just had to try out the new trinket after all. As for what I want, well, I must say I’m a bit surprised that your spies didn’t say anything.” King Boo told him smugly, daring a glance in Peach’s direction to make sure she was alright and to gauge whether or not he could easily swoop in to snatch her away.

“What are you talking about?” Bowser growled in suspicion, narrowing his eyes to emphasize that suspicion.

“Well, if you don’t really know, then there’s no need to tell you.” King Boo all but purred in his smugness, but otherwise quite glad Bowser wasn’t aware of his recent visits with Princess Peach. “Although I’m afraid you must remind me again, about when was it that you fell in love with the princess?” He asked while getting closer to the Koopa King as casually as he could, and making sure to float in between Bowser and Peach and keeping the princess behind him.

“Why in Star Hill do you need to know that again? I already told you it was practically love at first sight-!” At that last sentence, King Boo quickly poked Bowser’s forehead with a bit of magic that he circulated to his nubby hand. To anyone else in the room it looked like he merely poked Bowser and was somehow strong enough in that one poke to knock the Koopa King back on his shell and out cold. The force of Bowser’s shell hitting the ground along with the rest of his weight made the ground quake for a second.

Any guards that were in the room didn’t dare aide their king so long as King Boo was still there, for even they heard of how he single handedly bested Mario twice, and anyone who could do that was a force to be reckoned with.

“I’m so glad you’re still a bonehead, my friend.” King Boo said off handedly to Bowser’s unconscious body before turning around to properly greet his favorite princess. “Let’s get out of here before he wakes up, my dear. I don’t want to confuse him any more than he already will be when he wakes up.”

“What exactly did you do to him?” Peach asked curiously, still bewildered that all King Boo did was poke him and he fell unconscious.

“I actually erased his memory of you, it should keep him at bay for a while. Though I mainly focused on the earliest memory in hopes that it’ll sort of be like a grandfather paradox in that in a domino effect it will erase the rest of his memories of you as well. However, if he loves you enough, his mind will break through it even if I left his memories of Mario intact, and that’s hoping that former plumber will be enough to distract him from any thought of you.” King Boo explained, and then made himself bigger for how he was going to carry the princess out of here. He had held items within himself before but not people personally even though he knew it was possible if Pink Boos could do it.

“Oh…Well, I suppose we can only hope it works then.” She replied uneasily, but only because she wasn’t sure as to why he made himself bigger. Thankfully he explained that too before he did anything more so he could get her permission on it.

“I’m going to carry you out the Boo way, alright? So just keep calm and keep all hands and arms inside my ghostly innards at all times. I know that sounds wrong, but it is what it is, you know.”

Peach giggled at the ride safety joke and agreed for how he wanted to go about this. At her nod he phased through her to phase her into him and she automatically went into a sitting position after her gasp of initial shock of how weird this all felt and looked since he was a little bit see through since she was somewhat inside him. After he adjusted to her weight he flew off out an open window he spotted upon first coming in here.

“I’m not too heavy am I?” Peach couldn’t help but ask worriedly, noticing that he was a little slower than she had seen him go before and it was most likely because of her.

“What? Oh, no, no, I’m just being careful is all. Trust me, my dear, you’re light as a feather, but if you want me to go faster I will. I can also take the scenic route if you want since we have the time.” He told her honestly.

“Ok then, um, just a notch faster would be nice, and sure, we can take the scenic route.” She replied as she managed to turn herself a little on her invisible seat inside him so that to anyone else, it looked like she was riding side saddle.

He chuckled not only because he was pleased with her response but also at her movement was a little ticklish but since it was quick he was able to gather himself.

“As you wish, my dear!” He had to yell over the wind as he took it exactly one notch faster and veered off his initial path of heading straight for the castle in favor of taking in some sights. Such as whisking through his neck of the woods and circling around his mansion for one loop before continuing on and heading out of the woods and flying over the ocean. He enjoyed hearing her excited giggles of the sights he showed her and at times he chuckled along with her as well since her laughter was contagious.

Eventually the sightseeing had to come to an end as they reached her castle. He dropped her off on her balcony by making sure her feet were close enough to the ground so she could get her footing and unphased so he could release her from his Booish hold. He was all set and ready to just fly off so he wouldn’t be spotted, but she stopped him by grabbing his nub of a hand.

“Wait! …Thank you…truly. You’ve done so much to help me over these past few months and I never knew how to thank you properly… But I do now since you went through the trouble of rescuing me from Bowser, for real this time. But again, thank you.” She told him genuinely, and closed her eyes and puckered her lips and waited. Her mental excuse for letting him have her first kiss was that he’d be easier to kiss than Mario ever was, what with the former plumber’s big nose and mustache being in the way.

King Boo’s jaw dropped, but only slightly so he wouldn’t end up drooling. If he could sweat in a panic he would have at the generous offer she presented him with. However he quickly gathered himself for the sake of pausing to do the noble thing, and put his free nub of a hand to her cheek and asked, “Are you absolutely sure you want to give the honor of what is most likely your first kiss to the likes of me?”

Peach nodded and added, “Villains are made, not born, and I know there’s plenty of good in you since you went out of your way to rescue me from Bowser, even in my dreams.” At his flattered smile, she closed her eyes, puckered her lips and waited again.

“As you wish, my dearest.” King Boo quipped before finally closing the distance between their faces.

As their lips met in that kiss, he swore he started blushing hard enough to turn into a Pink Boo, he could happily say she tasted just like her namesake, but that was just his opinion. Regardless, when she pulled away after a few seconds of what she felt was appropriate, his eyes had turned into yellow swirls of dizziness and he gently floated down as if he were a balloon that was filled with air rather than helium, and he even bounced off the ground in tiny measures like one. She giggled in flattery that her kiss was able to make him that unresponsive, oh, and he didn’t stay pink when he eventually came out of it.