#but *all* of that comes from my backstory. without it where would I be? probably nowhere

[protagonist-art]

"Uh- I'm Arnold. Bennett. It's profoundly difficult to get your lifes works and studies accepted if your name isn't... yes, oh! Are you a fan of moths, sir?"

NEW RDR2 OC!! a reclusive, clumsy entomologist and bug collector; cooped up in his study of uniformed clutter

[kikizoshi]

It's amazing how much of my progress with understanding and working with Nikolai as a character is predicated on his backstory. His backstory, which is exclusive to me, because I'm the one who made it. But every time I'm working on any questions to do with his philosophies or motivations, I have to delve into his past. It's so essential. No wonder I couldn't get anywhere with canon Nikolai--there literally just isn't enough there. Not enough for someone like me, anyway. I'm sure it's possible.

[lethargical-lily]

Why is everyone on TikTok acting stupid about Marvel like they never watched the damn movies

Everyone is losing their minds over the ONE LINE in Ironheart where Riri said “Do you think Tony Stark would be Tony Stark if he wasn’t a billionaire” because she’s apparently dissing this saint of a man who was literally introduced as an immoral weapons dealer in the first fucking movie he was in.

But the kicker is the fact that she’s probably fucking right. Would Tony Stark be able to be where he is in the world without his wealth? NO HE PROBABLY WOULDN’T BECAUSE HIS INHERITED WEALTH GAVE HIM OPPORTUNITIES MANY PEOPLE DONT HAVE

Now listen, he is objectively one of the most intelligent characters. He is certainly not intelligent because of his wealth, but his wealth allowed him to apply that intelligence and hone it in ways others couldn’t. She didn’t say “Would he actually be a genius if he wasn’t rich?” She said, “Would he be Tony Stark without his wealth” and considering the most famous line from the Marvel franchise in reference to Tony Stark is “genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist,” no I would say he objectively wouldn’t be.

I’ve seen people say he worked for his money. Hey so, NO THE FUCK HE DID NOT

HIS MONEY WAS FAMOUSLY INHERITED. MY GUY HAS NEVER KNOWN A DAY OF STRUGGLE IN TERMS OF POVERTY UNTIL THE DAY HE WAS CAPTURED AND AFTER THAT BRO WAS BACK TO HIS WEALTH

And Riri is a young black woman. I don’t know her backstory but I’m pretty damn sure it wasn’t like Tony Stark’s in which she had access to all this wealth and billions of dollars worth of technological equipment to create these genius ideas. She has a lot of limitations on how she can apply her intelligence because she is not a rich white man, and I feel like that criticism is incredibly valid from her.

This show is also from Riri’s perspective. She did not know Tony Stark so if her take is slightly based in ignorance that shouldn’t be surprising because she did not know the man or his background aside from the fact he was rich and a genius.

I truly feel like a lot of hatred either comes from

A. People who miss the old Marvel too much to give the new one the chance it deserves, or

B. People who hate that a black woman is replacing their fav white male character.

And for Side B, you do realize the argument “Warmachine is basically a black Iron Man and he doesn’t get this hate” isn’t actually as valid as you think?

The reason he doesn’t get the same hate is because never once did he move to replace/further Tony Stark’s legacy. For most of the series he was often pushed to the sidelines and utilized more as a sidekick to Tony Stark rather than his replacement. So no, he is not a black Iron Man because he was never Iron Man, but if he WAS in line to take up the mantle of Tony Stark’s legacy I know very well that he would indeed be getting hate much like Sam Wilson is for being a black Captain America. You just don’t want to admit your hatred for characters such as Sam Wilson and Riri comes from the fact you can’t stand to see black people be the ones furthering the legacy of a previously white character because you don’t enjoy when black people can see themselves in these white characters like you previously could, or you’re just too blinded by the past to give the future a chance.

All this to say, put some damn respect on Riri’s name, even RDJ himself said “Ironman loves Riri”

[matt-murdockk]

Hi hi!! Your recent poll asked for a request,,, here I am,, 😎

FIC IDEA: how would Reid act if he found out that Reader was a bully in highschool? You can decide if they were extremely cruel or just passively cold, be he finds out that they weren’t the nicest to a few people for whatever reason. Would it tarnish their friendship? Or would he find out that not all is what it seems? 🤨

hey so like anon first of all i love you so much oh my god. thank you so much for the request <3 this was a joy to write. sorry if i took a while to respond, i was on a hill with no network 🫂 strap along besties, we've got angst (hurt comfort?) coming. really hope you like it <3

Excuses

pairing: spencer reid x fem!reader words: 3.0k (it got long-ish y'all, sorry) summary: your therapist urges you to reach out and make amends with a past that haunts you. you fear how this may affect your friendship with spencer. warnings: extensive backstory that was probably not necessary but i got carried away rip, language, talks of bullying, reader feels a lot of guilt, i wouldn't call this angst as much as it is hurt comfort? but to each their own.

Everybody has a past. As cliche as it sounds, it's an objective fact. You don't get somewhere without going through something. No destination without a journey and all that bullshit. Some people have a past where they used to be proud of who they were, who they used to be, but not anymore, no. Life had not been kind to them. Some others are proud of the person they have become, but only after burying the other person, the figment of the past. Regrettably, you were the latter.

You didn't understand why your therapist was insistent on talking about Cheyenne. You had mentioned her once, in passing, as part of an entirely different conversation, so it came as a surprise to you when you realised she was going to be the day's topic.

"So, do you mind if we talk about Cheyenne for a bit?" Yes, you most definitely did mind.

"What about her, Steve?"

"Well, the last time you mentioned her, we didn't really get to unpack a lot of that? So I was wondering if we could tap into it today."

"There's not really much to unpack, I mean, I— we," you corrected yourself, "used to go to school together. We had a strained relationship. Mostly my fault, I guess? Mostly my fault Jesus, I sound like a pompous dick. It was all my fault, everything was my—" you paused, the gravity of everything sinking in. Turns out, there was a lot to unpack. Steve waited. He always did, waiting for you to find the right words and compose yourself.

"Everything was my fault," you managed to admit. You thought he'd take it from there, maybe tell you it wasn't your fault, you were just a kid! But no, he just kept looking at you. Pen down, completely focused on you, just listening. You hated how safe that made you feel.

You gave in with a sigh and continued. “We used to be friends. Like, actual friends. Middle school lunch table every day, braiding-each-other’s-hair friends. And then high school happened. And I happened.”

After what felt like ages, you were finally at the end of your story. You had been picking at a thread on your sleeve slowly until it unravelled completely. You didn't notice until you had all of it looped around your fingers.

“I don’t know what happened to her. No one does. I looked her up, once. A couple years ago. No social media, no mutuals. It’s like she disappeared.”

“Did you want to find her?”

“I don’t know. Maybe I just wanted to know if she was okay. That I didn’t… ruin her completely.”

Steve leaned back slightly. “You said earlier that you became loud. Mean. Why do you think that is?”

"I guess I was scared? School wasn't all picnics and sunshine, and you know what my folks were like, I guess I thought if I became this— this cold, thick-skinned person who, you know, inflicted, I wouldn't have to feel the pain. I wouldn't have to hurt."

Steve nodded slowly. “That makes sense. Children adapt to survive. You weren’t safe at home. You learned to build armour with cruelty. That doesn’t excuse it, but it explains it.”

You felt something burn behind your eyes.

“Steve, I was a monster,” you muttered.

“No,” he said gently. “You were a child who made bad decisions while trying to survive her own pain. That doesn’t make you a bad person. That makes you human.”

“I think about her all the time,” you admitted. “Sometimes I see someone who looks like her, and I panic. And then I get angry. I get all agitated. Because why should I get to feel anything at all? I’m not the one who had to disappear.”

Steve folded his hands. “Guilt is heavy. But it’s not a life sentence. You’re allowed to feel sorry, and that's a good thing. It means you've become a better person. And you’re allowed to make amends. That’s what accountability is. Not punishment, but reparation.”

“So what? You think I should reach out? Write her a letter or something?”

He smiles. “I think it’s time.”

-

A twelfth crumpled paper was tossed towards the trash can. It joined eight others on the floor. There was no right way to start the letter. No words in your lexicon to properly phrase what you wanted to convey. You couldn't just start a letter with "Hey Cheyenne! Remember me? Your best friend who became your bully? Of course you do! How have you been?" Yeah, that didn't sound right.

You banged your head on the table as the next blank sheet of paper stared at you menacingly. The table rattled at the impact, everything you had stacked up on it shaking lightly. Your room was dark except for the lamp on the table, which was emanating too much heat for it to be normal. It had been running for hours on end, and the last time you remembered it was way past midnight. You sighed, a defeated sound escaping your throat. This was going nowhere.

You decided to try one last time, be honest, straight to the point, and to not read it a hundred times after you were done, because every single one of those times you'd notice something new that isn't right. Maybe the thirteenth time's the charm. This was it, no matter what.

After about 30 minutes and a few drops of tears on the paper that blotted the ink in a downright pathetic way, you were finally done. You could finally get some sleep before you had to leave for work. You looked at the clock, which read 3:57 am. You rubbed your eyes and looked again, just to make sure you weren't a miserable loser who spent over 7 hours trying to write a very simple letter. Turns out you were, and the universe had punished you with barely a couple of hours of sleep for the day. You were too tired to argue.

-

You tried your best to look put together. To look like you weren't functioning on minimal sleep and an unhealthy amount of caffeine. But there's only so much you can do. Besides, working with profilers was a death sentence at times like these. Trying to be inconspicuous in a room full of barely disguised mentalists? Get out of here. You should know, you were one of them.

The worst part would be running into Spencer. Not because he'd get a wind of what was going on, hell, you'd tell him yourself if you could. It was because of what he would think. How he'd react if he knew. Anyone else, you can handle being on less than stellar terms with. Not with him. Spencer Reid was many things: a scholar, a certified genius, an expert profiler, one of the best agents the department has seen, but most importantly (to you, at least), your best friend.

You and Spencer always had something quietly sacred. He was your person. To him, you weren't a mystery. You were not complicated. You were not irrational. "You make perfect sense to me," he had said one day, in casual conversation after you complained that you were being stupid about getting upset over something trivial. He actually said that, like it wasn't the most devastatingly intimate thing ever.

Part of you thought he'd understand, that he'd be able to empathise. But you knew it would be extremely unfair of you to expect that. How could you, after everything he had been through? You knew this was a touchy topic for him. You remembered the way his entire body had gone tense during that case in Vermont, the one with the high school boy who was pushed too far by a group of bullies. He’d snapped at Garcia when she made a flippant comment, and barely said a word for the rest of the flight back. You hadn’t asked then, you didn't have to.

And now here you were. About to become a living reminder of something you suspected he spent most of his life trying to forget. What if he didn’t look at you the same after this? What if you told him, and all he saw was that person you used to be? What if he stopped trusting you? Talking to you? Liking you?

You were halfway through that spiral when you heard the soft scuff of approaching footsteps and looked up, only to see Spencer, coffee in hand, heading straight toward your desk. Shit shit shit shit sh—

“Rough night?” he asked, handing you the coffee, voice soft.

You raised an eyebrow. “Wow. Do I look that bad?”

His eyes widened, panic setting in almost immediately. “No! No, no, I didn’t mean that, I wasn’t saying you look bad, I just meant you look, uh, tired? In a neutral way. Like, more tired than norm— usual. Which is not a reflection of your appearance. At all. I, uh,”

You let him dig for another half second before smiling. “I’m messing with you.”

He deflated with a half-laugh. “You're mean.” Oh, you have no idea.

You took the coffee gratefully. “But yeah. To answer your question. It was… pretty rough.”

He hovered for a second, clearly choosing his words carefully. “Do you want to talk about it?”

You didn’t even have time to think before your phone buzzed sharply on the desk. Garcia. You answered quickly.

“Garcia?”

“Hey, sugarplum. Guess who just did a very light, totally legal background check on a Cheyenne Smith?”

Your breath caught. “You found her?”

“Mmhmm. Lives in Brooklyn now. Works at a bookstore, apparently. I’m sending the address your way. You owe me a tub of that overpriced lavender gelato.”

You exhaled, relief and panic mingling in your chest. “Penelope, you are literally the best.”

“I know, sweetums. Go be brave.”

You muttered a quick “Thanks for the coffee” as you stood abruptly and gave him an impromptu half-hug, barely remembering to grab your badge on the way out. Spencer called your name once, softly, but you were already halfway to the elevator by the time you turned to wave. It wasn’t much of a wave. More like a frantic gesture of not-right-now. You didn’t even hear the ding of the elevator over your heartbeat. You had to send that letter. As soon as possible.

-

A couple of weeks had passed since that morning. Spencer had given you space, the way he always did when he sensed something was weighing on you, but he hadn’t stopped watching. Quietly. Carefully. The jittery hands, the distant look in your eyes, the way your knee bounced under the table like you were trying to outrun your own thoughts— he noticed it all. You hadn’t been talking to him much lately, not in the way you used to. And it hurt. Because he knew you. Knew all your tells. Knew when you were suffering and trying desperately not to show it. And what ached most was knowing you didn’t think you could let him in.

You, on the other hand, had been a mess since the moment you dropped the letter in the mailbox. The anticipation alone was unbearable. You kept imagining every possible response she might have— anger, sadness, silence. And worse, you kept imagining what Spencer would think if he ever found out. You couldn't afford to risk what you had with him. What were you supposed to do now? Be quiet and distant forever? Forget that anything happened in the first place? Lie to him about who you were? Pretend? You knew none of those were the right thing to do. You kept asking yourself if this was worth ruining what you had now. If you were ready to lose another friend indefinitely.

That combination of dread and hope had been tearing you apart, cell by cell. Then, just when you’d started telling yourself maybe she wouldn’t respond at all, a letter arrived. Two days ago. The envelope had your name written in a soft, slanted hand you remembered far too well. It had burned your fingers the moment you touched it, like shame had been etched into the paper itself. You hadn’t opened it. You couldn’t. It had been sitting in your bag like a ghost, haunting you, demanding to be acknowledged.

You were at your desk, coat already slung over your chair, everyone else gone for the day. You weren’t working. You hadn’t been for the past hour. You just sat there, the letter in your hand, staring at it like it might explode if you opened it wrong. You didn’t know what you were waiting for. A sign? A push? Something to make it less terrifying? Your mind was spiralling. What if it was cruel, what if she hated you, what if she was right to—

“You’re not leaving?” Spencer. Oh, no.

"Yeah, no, I was just about to go," you managed to respond, trying your best not to let your voice waver. You had a feeling you didn't do a very good job. "What are you still doing here?"

"Actually, I was hoping we could talk? If that's okay?" Oh shit.

"Sure, Spence. You okay?"

"Are you?" he asked, voice ever so tender. Of course, he noticed.

No point in lying anymore, you figured. This was it. You were mentally preparing yourself to lose the last good thing that hadn't yet been tainted by the mess that is you. You sighed. Resigned, defeated, dejected.

"I, um," you hesitated, wondering if there was even a minuscule chance that you could get out of this. There wasn't. "I got a letter.”

He blinked. “Okay... From who?”

You hesitated. “A friend. From before.”

Spencer tilted his head. “Okay. And you haven’t opened it yet?”

“No.”

“Can I ask why?”

You looked down at your hands, flexed your fingers like they might give you the words. “Spencer, what I’m about to tell you is going to change things between us. I know it will. Your opinion of me will change, you'll probably hate me, and rightfully so, but you deserve to know. Especially you.”

He pulled the chair closer, silently.

You inhaled slowly. “Her name is Cheyenne Smith. We went to school together. We were friends. Good friends, in middle school. And then I," you had to pause, the gravity of what you were about to tell him pulling you down stronger than you could take. "I became someone else. I stopped talking to her. I made her life miserable. I was part of a group of kids who bullied her. And I didn’t just stand by. I did it too.”

You told him everything. Didn't spare a single detail. And he listened patiently, which intensified that weight in your chest. When you were done, there was a long, brutal pause. Spencer didn’t say anything. Just stared at you with an unreadable expression. The silence stretched. You hated every second of it.

“Please,” you whispered. “Say something.”

He blinked, like he was coming back to himself.

“You know,” he said, slowly, “I didn’t have the best time at school. That’s probably not a surprise. I was younger than the other kids. I talked too fast, read too much, understood things no one else did. I was… different. I was bullied. Relentlessly. Cornered in hallways, mocked in front of teachers, humiliated for just existing.”

You didn’t breathe. You couldn't. Nothing felt like the right thing to do. Did he hate you? Was he going to tell you he hated you? Oh, god. He was going to tell you he hated you, wasn't he?

“If one of them reached out to me now,” he continued, “and told me that they remembered what they did, that they carried it, that they were sorry… that they’d become a better person… I think part of me would feel something I’ve never gotten to feel. Closure. It wouldn’t undo the damage, that I'll have to carry. But maybe I wouldn’t still feel like that scared kid curled up in the back of the gym.”

His voice cracked just slightly. “You did the right thing.”

You didn’t mean to start crying. But you did. A shaky breath, a quiet sob. And then he was reaching out, taking your hand in his, grounding you.

“I’m sorry,” you choked out. “I am so sorry. I didn’t want you to think less of me, I—”

“Hey, hey, listen. I don’t,” he said, without hesitation. “Okay? If anything, I think more of you. You faced it. You took responsibility. Most people wouldn’t.”

He linked his hands with yours, fingers ever so subtly brushing over your knuckles.

“You’re not that person anymore,” he said gently. “And you don’t have to read it alone.”

You looked at him, eyes glassy. “You’d read it with me?”

“I’ll be right here. No matter what's in that letter, it's going to be fine. I'm right here.”

And for the first time in days, you believed it might actually be okay.

a/n: i think this is my first spencer request so can i get a hell yeah <3 also cheyenne is such a pretty name

[confuzing]

I have this idea for an SVSSS fic where SQQ winds up regularly sharing dreams with both his LBH and OGLBH. I'd need to do a reread for it but I'm gonna post the broad strokes because I can't stop rotating it in my mind.

It's Abyss time but SQQ puts his foot down. No he's not pushing his Binghe into the Abyss, shut up System. Oh you're going to kill him? Then do it.

Then he throws his sword away and pulls LBH away from the Abyss.

SQQ: Ok honey I'm maybe about to drop dead but it's not your fault ok?

LBH: WHAT???

And then the System does indeed try to rip SQQ's soul out- except LBH, right there and terrified, mentally grabs hold of his Shizun's soul and won't let go.

MQF rolls up to a fucking nightmare, SQQ is in the process of having his soul ripped out by some kind of mystery curse? LBH is burning through his own supply of qi to stop it but that's a napkin on a stab wound- Liu Qingge put your sword down right now! Yes MQF can see LBH's part demon, now help him keep SQQ alive or fuck off - you too Sect Leader!

Meanwhile the System is glitching out, and decides to initiate a Punishment Protocol because this mess is all SQQ's fault and he won't die like a good user.

So it dumps him in the dreams of OGLBH, who's just been pushed in the Abyss by his own Shizun.

Faced with a very upset teen Binghe, SQQ does the only thing that he can. He hugs that boy and tells him none of this is his fault and he didn't do anything wrong.

It probably only works because OGLBH is very upset and desperate for comfort- and when OGLBH said "SQQ??" incredulously SQQ says "No, I'm sorry I know I look like him" and this man doesn't act like the SQQ he knows at all, and he gives really good hugs.

SQQ is stuck in OGLBH's dreams when he's not just... nowhere and after a few more short hug sessions (OGLBH can't usually sleep for long) OGLBH finally asks who exactly SQQ is then?

Right around this time MQF figures out how to stabilize SQQ without requiring LBH to be awake and actively channeling qi the whole time. So LBH passes the f out and goes to look for his Shizun, turning up right when SQQ is dreaming with OGLBH.

After a little Binghe stand off SQQ sits them both down and decides to just, tell them everything -he can here, the System can't stop him and it's already killing him what else can it do?

So he tells them about parallel universes, and his own original world, about Proud Immortal Demon Way, and his decision, upon waking up in his favorite book in the villian's body, to meddle every way he could. He tells them about the System and explains that it probably sent him here thinking OGLBH would hurt him, thinking he was OGSQQ. Everything.

Eventually MQF and a bunch of other cultivators untangle SQQ from the System, letting his soul come back to his body but leaving that door open between his mind and OGLBH's.

From there I just have ideas I'd want to explore, some of my favorites:

-OGLBH finding out about Without a Cure and that SQQ isn't telling his Binghe about the easy fix and having to decide if he's going to spill the beans or not.

-Every time I think about what to do with SQH I wind up thinking about what would probably be a whole side fic of court wranglings, political assassinations and interspecies dating drama after SQH runs away to hide with MBJ when SQQ wakes up and goes "you're cursed too right?"

-Both Binghes and their Meng Mos coming along on SQQ's scenic tour of SJ's traumatic backstory (I just need SQQ to hug that little tea-soaked Binghe only for him to split into the two older Binghes because when they entered this memory both of them inhabited the baby Binghe's avatar)

- The whole sect deciding that actually LBH is their half demon son and none of the other sects better even look at him funny. (The biggest reason for this might be SQQ waking up from being cursed and immediately threatening to kill everyone in the room and then himself if anything happens to LBH even though he can't even sit up. Also like, the kid's been crying nonstop for days now, not exactly scary demon behavior. Kid needs a hug and some juice)

-A very fraught conversation when OGLBH gets out of the Abyss where he tells SQQ he's going back to the mountain and SQQ refuses to ask him not to kill everyone because he knows exactly what OGLBH suffered at the hands of those alternate versions of the people SQQ loves.

-Every now and the the Binghes just meet up to hiss at each other like angry cats

[atimelessheaven]

Can you please do a fic where Paige and azzi have a teen daughter

LETTER TO MOM

a pazzi series.

hey guysss! sorry ive been lacking on writing recently:/ finals, and life in general are kicking my ass. but here is this! i’ve decided to turn this request into a little series. as of now im not sure if it will be 2 or 3 parts… maybe more? idk. we will see!

fluff ◡̈

warning: mixed pov’s, probably some grammar errors (please ignore them!), and a mediocre plot. that’s all i think! let me know if i missed any.

enjoy!

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

backstory: iris was born in 2027. the year of this story is 2041- making iris 14, paige 37, azzi 36. they have been in the league for 16, and 15 years. paige is still on the wings, azzi plays for the valkyries.

iris pov:

today has been tough.

i woke up late. i slipped in the shower. leaving my ankle all swollen, it hurts to move it. i made a bad grade on my science test, and one of my coaches yelled at me for being “lazy” i was in pain, and i just felt exhausted.

i am exhausted.

i feel like i can’t move.

it feels like i can’t even breath without someone getting mad at me.

life has just been hard.

to top it off i miss my mom.

i could never, and would never admit how much it really effects me. she’d feel bad, and i don’t want to put that burden on her.

since mom, and mama have jobs on two different sides of the country they decided it would be best if i stayed with mama during season, in san francisco.

it’s the longest five months of my life.

sure i see mom every now and then during the season, but it’s just not the same.

sometimes i just want to give her a hug.

have her hold me when i’m sad.

come home from school and tell her all about my day, every little detail.

or when i have something really exciting to tell her, i can’t see her live reaction unless it’s facetime.

that is not the same. not even close.

it’s all just caught up to me. right about now i just want my mom to hold me.

since that’s not possible right now, i’ve resorted to the next best thing-

crying myself to sleep wearing moms hoodie that smells like her, holding my build a bear that has her voice in it.

sure it might seem dramatic, she hasn’t died or anything, but if you were in my shoes, you’d understand.

azzi pov:

iris has been home from school for three hours now, and she’s been awfully quiet.

i mean the girl hasn’t even came into the kitchen to get a snack.

something is up with my kid.

that child is ravenous after school, i need to find out what’s wrong a-s-a-p as possible (hehehehe)

i walk to her room and knock, getting no response.

typically i’d just leave her alone but i just feel off, she’s acting off. so i go in.

when i walk in i immediately just freeze mid stride into her room to access the scene in front of me.

my sweet iris girl asleep wearing her moms hoodie, holding her comfort bear with my wife’s voice inside, a wet pillow and tear stained cheeks.

welp.. my mama heart just shattered.

i walked over and gave her a forehead kiss, taking a picture to send my wife. then left her room.

it’s about 9:00 for paige, but she still responds to the picture i sent her relatively fast considering i know she’s tired after a long day of training and would be going to sleep very soon.

from paige- “well i am now officially going to join her in the crying myself to sleep club. i miss my girls. so sad my sweet baby is struggling with me being away. i feel awful.”

right as i go to reply i hear iris headed into the kitchen where i am, so i quickly respond with a “we miss you too.”

“hi babe, how was school today?” i say as i catch iris having to physically hold her up while she completely melted into me.

“i don’t wanna talk about it.” iris mumbles, voice shakey.

“that’s okay, i’m here when you’re ready. you’ll never be forced to talk when you don’t wanna, but i do need you to recognize mom, and i are always here to listen when you’re ready, okay?”

“i know, i just..” iris began but decided against it, not wanting to be a burden.

“you just what?” azzi said encouraging her to finish her statement.

“i don’t want to be the bitchy teen who complains and makes life difficult when i’m so privileged. i mean i know you and mom have demanding jobs, and that it provides so many cool opportunities, but it’s also really hard sometimes. it’s hard having to travel around to a ton of places back to back, missing school, missing friends, missing the normalcy of a regular quiet life. on the flip side when im left behind with friends while yall go to games i feel lonely, not because i don’t like hanging out with my friends but because i miss my parents. you guys are my comfort people, i couldn’t do it without you. having mom be so far away for so long really takes a toll on me. and i promise you are enough and im not meaning you aren’t, but i just miss mom. i thought it would get easier as i got older having to be away from her, but if anything i think it’s gotten harder. i need my mom. i miss my mom. oh and also my day was just awful in general, and i was thinking about all of that and so i just starting spiraling.” iris says pretty quickly, tears showing in her eyes once again. azzi can tell this has been eating at her for a while.

“okay so how about we go get ready for bed, you can lay with me and we can finish this conversation alright?” azzi says pulling away from iris making her stand on her own.

“okay, but can we not tell mom?” iris asks quietly as they start walking towards azzi’s room.

azzi froze. “well uhm i might have taken a picture of you asleep earlier so she already knows sorta what’s going through your head. if you don’t want to explain it to her i’m not going to force you, but i think she’d like to know what’s going on completely if you’re willing to let her in on it. can i ask why you don’t want to tell her?”

“well i love mom, but i know how she is. you do too. she’s going to feel guilty when it’s not even her fault and i don’t wanna stress her out. iris says looking at azzi

“you make a compelling case, but i want to offer my counter argument. as much as that is true, i think she would feel worse if you didn’t tell her what was bothering you, and she found out it was for her sake. that would make her feel more terrible. also we both know she’s going to ask you about that picture i sent, you can’t lie then. she reads you too well. you aren’t slick enough for that.” azzi says laughing thinking of all the times her daughter has given herself away with her terrible lying skills. let’s just say she shouldn’t play poker, or ever commit a crime.

she laughs along with her mom, “you’re right, i should tell her. i just don’t know how i should. i don’t want her to see me cry, or worse she cries. i’d feel so bad if mom cried over this. mama what do i do?” iris says suddenly panicking at the thought of making her mom cry.

“okay calm down, you don’t have to explain it directly to her, you could write her a letter like you used to do as a kid, i think that would cheer her up. very sentimental, and nostalgic. perfect. she’ll love it, and you don’t have to show any emotions you don’t want to, just write what you want.”

“wait that’s a great idea. i can be like so vulnerable, and she’ll never have to see me cry, and i won’t have to see her initial reaction.” iris says feeling so confident in this idea.

“okay okay, now let’s for real get ready for bed, go lay in my room and watch a movie. how does that sound?” azzi says as she starts walking to her room grabbing iris’ hand to take her along with her.

*about ten minutes later they’re both snuggled up in bed watching tangled*

“oh iris look, paige is facetiming us!” azzi says excitedly as she answers the call, while pausing the movie.

“hi my babies! i miss you guys so much!” paige immediately says as the call connects. “omg iris i saw the cutest dog earlier and forgot to send you the picture i took, i just knew you’d love it.” is how paige started their nightly catch up of their day conversation.

“awww i wanna see the puppy, i wish i could’ve been there to see it in person.” iris replies, lighting up at the idea of a cute puppy. “mom can i get a puppy?”

“absolutely not. iris that would be a disaster. poor thing would either have to travel a lot, or stay behind with a pet sitter. not plausible sadly at the moment. maybe in the future! we can add it to our family bucket list!” paige says letting iris down as gently as possible, but trying to cheer her up in the moment.

“ugh. that’s so unfair, i would take it on walks and everything.” iris says grumbling. azzi just rolls her eyes staying out of the conversation.

“so what were you two up to before i called?” paige says curiously.

“TANGLED!” azzi, and iris respond at the same time.

“i should’ve known, you guys literally don’t know of any other movies.” paige says laughing a little at their excitement

“that’s so not true, we also watch zootopia.” iris responds in a matter of fact tone, like paige had just offended her with the movie comment. she’s very well versed in her disney movies.

“and hamilton.” azzi says agreeing with iris.

“okay, okay i get it. now i say you guys start it over, so we can press play at the same time and watch together!” paige suggests

*approximately 47 minutes into the movie iris was out cold.*

“paige, look.” azzi said getting her attention, turning the phone to show iris sound asleep on her shoulder.

“aww our little baby isn’t so little anymore is she?” paige says smiling at the sight of her peaceful daughter.

“i know. it’s crazy to think that just ten years ago all she cared about was if she could eat candy for breakfast, and wear her princess dresses in public, now she’s worried about our feelings, and feels like she’s carrying the world on her shoulders. i just wish i could save her from everything, especially her own mind sometimes.” azzi whispered to paige, while lovingly looking down at iris, gently rubbing her back.

“i love her just how she is, but i know she’s way too caring for this world. she has so much empathy. i don’t ever want it to hurt her. i just want to protect her from everything. she’s my baby.” paige says agreeing with azzi. “what happened earlier today? why was our baby so sad?” paige asks

“it has to do with her caring too much about our feelings over her own. she didn’t want me to tell you, but i can say you’ll find out very soon.” azzi says.

very soon.

[project-sekai-facts]

What grinds my gears is what when people say that the reason Kana5 is bad due to it trying to make Mafumon sympathetic.

A couple have even gone as far as saying that Kana5 is as bad as Toya5 for the same reason and I-

Look. I deeply understand the idea of abusers being more complicated than simply “evil trash” is hard to comprehend. And I may sound insensitive but,

They need to grow up. They should not let their biases cloud their judgement and assume something is bad just because a piece of media has something they personally don’t like

the difference between harumichi and mafuyumum is their awareness.

harumichi - fully aware of what he is doing, fully aware his son is his own person and does not stop him despite heavy disapproval

mafumum - completely oblivious to what she is doing to mafuyu, projecting an idealised version of mafuyu onto her (and possibly an idealised version of herself)

harumichi working toya to the bone is him applying how he learnt to toya. the intent was not to physically/emotionally harm toya but that is what ended up happening (physical exhaustion is to be expected, he should not have forced toya to keep working but he deals with the same so he probably doesn't think it's a big deal). that said, he is fully aware of the fact he is taking away from toya's childhood, and admits this in concerto that toya's life was not "normal".

mafumum is entirely unaware of her abuse to mafuyu. this is repeatedly made clear in events post sayonara persona. mafudad relays to her what mafuyu tells him and she's incredibly distressed to learn that she'd been hurting mafuyu and she doesn't know what she did wrong. she can be manipulative, but she's not aware that she's being malicious, she thinks she's genuinely doing what's best for her child who she loves. there's also some context clues such as her young age compared to other parents, the fact she doesn't have a job and the fact she's at a lower social standing to her husband that suggest she may also be projecting the life she didn't get onto mafuyu.

harumichi being given the attempted sympathetic backstory doesn't work. he is neglectful towards his son, but is slowly easing out of these ways a little bit. toya has already begun to make ammends without the need for making harumichi sympathetic. he's a bad parent who did a bad thing knowingly.

with mafumum it is justified. in her first appearance, we see her from the biased viewpoint of kanade, who sees her as a cold and neglectful parent towards mafuyu. however from mafuyu's pov, she is a loving mother who is misguided in how she shows this love. this is what unreliable notes is about. mafumum is a bad parent who did a bad thing unknowingly. she is sympathetic because she is a troubled mother coming to terms with the fact she ruined her child's life.

both characters are loved by their children by virtue of them being their parents. the story is going to convey that no matter how bad they are as people. yes, forgiving abusers in fiction is overdone and to some degree unrealistic, however we do not yet know if that is where the story will go. all we know is that there will be a reconciliation. but even if mafumum specifically gets forgiven, it would not be unjustified. i feel like the first impression we get of mafumum from Kanade POV left a strong impact on a lot of people that they can't let go of. the whole point of the current arc is to let that go. the game builds her up as this malicious antagonistic force so that it can deconstruct that when we get to see her from an unbiased POV. she's not a villain like many people make her out to be, she's a human who made a mistake. a very bad and very big mistake, but a mistake nonetheless. she is a loving mother who fucked up really badly because she was too obsessed over perfection to actually see her daughter for who she is.

if the writers try and make us forgive harumichi though fuck them he fucking sucks. like i feel like toya will because he's like that yknow but i don't think the audience should feel sympathetic towards him.

[lemon-shark-kat]

The Genshin Impact fandom is fascinating to me when it comes to fanfics, because I feel like I struggle to find any fics that really *get* the characterization of certain characters and I'm loathed to write my own because dammit I just want to read the specific itch I crave without resorting to creating it. Give me three more months and I'll cave in.

For example, Diluc is one of my favorites and I find his backstory fascinating in terms of his father Crepus possibly being more morally ambiguous than most fans are willing to admit and how little we know of Diluc's murder spree in Snezhnaya.

For example which Harbinger(s) did he have a run-in with? Will we find out more about the secret intelligence network that took him in, that he apparently had a high position in? Did he ever find the answers he was searching for? The list goes on.

It's hard for me to find the specific characterization of him I crave for in fics because I think his platonic relationship with Kaeya is incredibly nuanced and complex but I feel like his character often gets assassinated for Kaeya angst but like, the man had the worst birthday ever?

Imagine being Diluc, living through a literal worst nightmare. Your dad is dead after you failed to protect him yourself. Not only is your dad dead but he died after wielding a delusion--you dont even know what a delusion is but its clearly bad news. Why the fuck did your father have it and how?

On top of this, the Favonius Knights--the organization you proudly served and the very organization that your father heavily encouraged you to serve--insists on covering up the truth because it makes them look bad. The Favonius Knights, who are supposed to be honorable and uphold integrity, are anything but that.

Then your adoptive brother, who you've known for years and trust with your life, shows up and tells you he's been spying for a foreign nation since you were kids with the intent of harming Mondstadt and everything about your relationship is possibly all one big lie and well--how do you not snap??

Now, I'm also incredibly fond of Kaeya and he was just as traumatized by Crepus's death. He was wracked with guilt for *feeling* relieved that he didn't have to worry about betraying his birth father for his adoptive father since Crepus was dead. He anticipated Diluc's anger and felt like their duel was a punishment for his lies.

To me, it hints that Kaeya probably didn't reveal the truth expecting Diluc's understanding, but rather he knew how he would react and perhaps he wanted Diluc to strike him down in that duel. Or at the very least, he wanted to distance himself from Diluc and cut off ties in order to avoid emotional attachment stopping him from his mission.

I personally head-canon that Diluc withdrew upon seeing Kaeya's vision because well--why would the gods bless Kaeya with a vision if he truly had the intent to harm Mondstadt? So in spite of what Kaeya revealed, he isn't a threat. But there's still a lot of hurt there to navigate through.

I think it's fascinating seeing where they stand in present game because Kaeya obviously has the ideology of working the system from within. He stayed in the knights (even taking over his brother's position) and with Jean rooted out the Inspector and his cronies.

Meanwhile Diluc just isn't that type of person. He doesn't settle, he refuses to work in a system he views corrupt, he rather accomplish what he can outside of it. Curiously, he doesn't challenge the status quo beyond being vocal of his distaste of the Knights.

This is head-canon fantasyland, but I like to envision Kaeya and Diluc do use a lot of the same informants and collaborate on intel relating to the safety of Mondstadt (especially since Diluc can move in ways against the Fatui that the Knights can't due to political reasons) but they struggle to have the same connection as before.

For example, Diluc's story quest--Kaeya was essentially giving Diluc an alibi with the Knights. Even if Jean damn well knows who it is, they still have to have official documentation stating otherwise.

Kaeya is good at reading people, he has to be given how he was raised to be a child spy. But I like to think he struggles to read Diluc like before. Diluc is much more jaded, pessimistic, quieter than before. He prefers to work on his own as much as possible. From Kaeya's pov, the only person he's seen Diluc willing to fully trust enough to work alongside with is the Traveler, and he states as much.

The opposite is true of Diluc. Kaeya was his shadow, a quiet but inquisitive, witty observer. Cavalry Captain Kaeya is much more outgoing and friendly, his charm on full display. Did he ever really truly know Kaeya or did he only show Diluc what he wanted him to see? Is Kaeya happier this way?

Fanon often depicts Kaeya as essentially being barred from the dawn winery from the duel by Diluc himself, but I don't think that's quite the case. Much rather, given the reason he told Diluc that night, I think he views himself as undeserving due to unresolved guilt.

Canon seems to hint at all of this through his hangout and Hidden Strife, the latter of which is unfortunately a time-limited event that occurred before I even played (hoyo please stop having heavy lore drops occur in time limited events).

I think the two want to trust each other again, but both are afraid of destroying the tentative truce they have so they leave all of it unaddressed. Kaeya refuses to be completely truthful ever again and Diluc acknowledges the past but refuses to discuss it. The tragedy in their relationship that neither is at fault for what happened--it's a twisted emotional mess of grief and heartbreak.

The last point I'd like to touch on is the parallels between Kaeya and Diluc both being essentially child soldiers for their fathers' causes.

For Kaeya, being abandoned in Mondstadt to be a child spy is the most overt. For Diluc? Despite Crepus's strong ambition to be a Favonius Knight and to have a vision--neither happened for him. In Diluc's vision story, it states that he views his vision being a result of their "shared" ambition, hinting that his vision was granted after Diluc's strong resolve to achieve his father's dreams for him.

We know Crepus heavily encouraged Diluc down this path at very young age, given Diluc received his vision at age 10 and became the youngest Captain at age 14. In some ways, I'm sure Kaeya was a bit jealous of Diluc for having a loving father present in his life that was overtly proud of him.

I am not saying Crepus wasn't a good father, I think he cared immensely for Kaeya and Diluc both, but I do think he did some morally grey shit.

Diluc abandoning his vision is fascinating and it's almost never explored in fics. He is the only vision holder we know of (aside from the Inazumauns whose visions were taken by force) that had their ambition for their vision shaken in such a way that they voluntarily discarded their vision for a time and only took it back after reigniting a new ambition to have it (and as far we know the only allogene that faced no negative setbacks from using a delusion long-term without their vision present).

I don't know where to end all of this, except if you have ragbros fic recommendations that you believe cover it in a more nuanced way, let me know!

[jasmine-does-wevertf-she-wants]

Can we talk about what a weird protagonist SY is?

Like LBH is a very typical protagonist, over-powerful, beautiful, inteligent, obsessive, with a dark backstory and a revenge/happy end arc. There's a reason PIDW is such a banger in the genre and SY is obsessed with him. LBH is all that.

But SY? He seems like a kind of normal guy, except that he is so fundamentally weird. Dude rage died because of an online novel he didn't even like. An online novel he religiously followed to rage and hate on the author. To then transmigrate into the novel's world and taking that in stride as well. Really slipping into the poser persona that SJ crafted for SQQ just much much kinder. To use the opportunity to hang out with all his favorite characters and be kind to them but never quite thinking of them as persons or really thinking about what his actions may mean to a person. Just hanging out having a good ol' time never thinking about anything ever, except beasts and what LBH may be up to. Purely out of intellectual interest of course. To repress his feelings so hard about everything some readers seem to get the honest to god impression SY doesn't like LBH. As the protagonist of a danmei!

It would be so easy if we knew of any trauma that caused SY's bizarre mix of obession/repression. But he seems to come from a loving family that he loved in turn. Not that he brings up their loss through the transmigration ever if he can help it. He didn't have to worry about money. His insane wifebeam must have been present in his first life. We have no indication that he changed his behavior as SY in the transmigration and this dude is charming to a degree that borders on protagonist halo. He seems to passingly resemble SQQ meaning he must have at least been handsome. I love fanon terminally ill or disabled SY because it does fit him so well but we have no indication that canon SY has had any issues with his health. His mental health seems okayish to the degree it is in SVSSS - which like the repression speaks of deep emotional issues. But nothing SY would have let himself think about, obviously.

My point is - I really like SY being so fundamentally weird without being given any proper reason. I don't think he quite realizes himself that he is weird. That it may be unusual to have your whole life uprooted, transmigrating into a fictional world (one that he at least knows well) as the main antagonist faced with a horrifying death and just shrug and go, well best I can do it malewife my way into living through this - without intending it in a gay way at all!!

He somehow dissociates so well from his own feelings that he dotes on LBH, truly to an extraordinaty degree that other peaks know of their close bond even before his year-long grief seclusion, without ever considering what such care could mean for a person like LBH. He repeatedly gets affectionate with men excplicitly because he's like we're all men here, this is not weird. I'd excuse SY if he were from a more repressed society where being gay would be a real social taboo that nobody speaks about. But he's from the modern world! He knows of gay people!

It may be that PIDW as a stallion novel never featured gay sex between men in the original - there was plenty of lesbian sex within the harem, although like probably only for Bingge's benefit. We don't know! Bingge's is portrayed as THE straight protagonist, it may be that SY just assumed being straight was compulsory for all men within the world as a result. But! Peerless Cucumber actively knew of people shipping the men in PIDW and even defended them against hate. But that of course cannot possibly apply to him so we're just not thinking about it :)

It's just... for a protagonist in a romance SY has such an active dislike for his feelings. And not even a conscious one! There are plenty of tsundere type protagonists out there who are very vocal about their emotional repression and dislike for expressing their emotions. That's not SY. Not even in his own internal monologue does he admit to himself that he is uncomfortable with his own feelings. He glosses over them with expectations no one actually demands of him - it's shameful for a man to submit to another man (is it shameful for a man to submit - not even sexually necessarily just being captured by an almighty demon king? is that truly a matter of masculine pride?), it's shameful to having his grief brought up in front of others, it's shameful to express anything beyond platonic or familial affection for a man, it's shameful to initiate sex, it's shameful to be loud during sex. He feels more comfortable putting himself into the female role in an interaction, which is also shameful but apparently less so than acknowledging that two men may be in a scenario that he feels would be romantically or sexually charged in a hetereosexual interaction.

SY is lucky LBH doesn't have the same hang-ups, which honestly I would feel would be more understandable from all of the abuse he experienced. SY has no apparent reason for being so emotionally and sexually repressed. He lived a pretty privileged life. And I think that must have been intentional on MXTX's part. It would have been so so easy to give SY a semblance of traumatic backstory that informs his weird hang-ups here. An absent family, bullying, an illness, depression, loss of a friend, truly anything would have given readers something to hold on to why SY has such weird hang-ups about his own feelings. But she didn't. And I think that serves even more to highlight how destructive compulsory hetereosexuality and toxic masculinity is. SY doesn't even read as a particularly toxic masculine man. He has no issues about other men crying (seems to enjoy taking care of them rather), he has no issue with being compared to women even outside of sexual or romantic context (think riding in the carriage while QQQ while LMY rides her horse), he acknowledges and defends gay shipping. He actively cheers for stronger women and a big issue of his with PIDW seems to be how one-dimensional the women were written, only serving as a new papapapa chapter.

And even as a not particularly toxic man, he has such deep issues with his own emotions, it causes most of svsss' plot to develop how he treats his own and other men's feelings. MXTX actively gave him a pretty privileged and open-minded starting position and still SY was so informed by what he expected of a manly conduct, thought and truly just a lack of feelings, he nearly caused the end of the world and the death of his boyfriend. It took him like 800 pages to have sex with a man and even longer to admit out loud that he is in love. Not even expressly. implied.

To me that makes SY such a compelling character. Probably kind of reminds me of my own repressive tendencies but also because not even in the extras, during or after their wedding he really acknowledges it as a problem. LBH doesn't seem to mind, not that I think he would mind anything his shizun does. And their dynamic works well for them - the whining bingmei and SY can keep his poser act that makes him feel so secure. SVSSS to an extent is a story of SY growing into his own feelings but really only to an extent. He's far far away from having a healthy relationship with them. He may not be actively repressing them or wilfully ignoring LBH's but he certainly isn't willing to really look at them beyond the shame he so often carries and glosses over. He'll do it for LBH's sake but really only then. And I think that's why bingmei and SY work so well but read a bit off-putting maybe to many readers. LBH's whining forces SY to look at his own feelings in order to care for LBH. Which an emotional healthy person would probably be able to pretty easily do on their own. But for SY it's such a monumental task that only his very deep love and care for LBH makes him do it. And that's a decidely unhealthy dynamic but works well for both of them, I think. I'm gonna make another posts someday about what LBH's abuse and neglect means for his ability to accept love and care and why then SY's aloof persona and their shizun/disciple dynamic maybe gives him the framework to be able to accept that.

But yeah SY is a deeply repressed weird obsessive person which emotional issues the size of China but he hides it remarkably well behind his aloof act and humour. And I think that makes SVSSS all the more compelling as a commentary on gender roles, romantic fiction and social expectations.

[the-deal-breaker]

Ace is my boy, and as all my faves without backstories I like theories

So just deal with my ramblings for a little bit please,

OK first of all I think Ace comes from something like a harbour town on the edge of the Queendom of roses. You know like the little fishing town close to a beach that is designed for tourists and stuff! It could explain why he's so good at keeping people distracted.

Like there's so much water around so I'd make sense, it would also explain his dislike of oysters. I mean people get sick of stuff there around too long for all the time.

Next! I like to believe that Ace was a smart kid, don't get me wrong he's smart now not Azul or Jamil's level but smart. How smart he is now is like half the reason a believe he was a super smart kid. I do however think unlike someone like riddle Ace dumbed himself down. I'm sure there were many reasons one of them could be he didn't like the pressure or something as simple as he wanted friends. Think something like Rio from assassination classroom.

C) The reason he's in heartslabyul is because he's doesn't have any rules or is ever strick on him self. It's quite a well known fact that Ace is great at coming up with plans it's the following through that messes it up. If Ace was ever stick on himslef to the point most housewardens are that'd be a problem. For others.

D) We know he loves all the movies. I personally like to believe that everytime a new one comes out he'll drag one of his friends with him to go watch them. He'll be Ace about it but he still wants them to go with him. Unless it's a childish flim yes he even goes to watch those but those are mostly a solo trip.

E) Ace should most logically have a familiar. It's stated time and time again (No book 7 spoilers) that between the first years Ace has like the weakest magic with Crowley claiming he will never overblot. He's also the only one without a UM so far. From what I gathered Familiars are for this purpose their supposed to pick up where their owner/master/friend is lacking.

F) If Yuu never showed up Ace probably would have been the MC. This one isn't a Ace theory but I wanted to share it for awhile so it goes here. It also kinda ties into my earlier point.

Also I do have some art coming soon

[qoldenskies]

Thinking about Rise Splinter hate… it always makes me kinda sad. Like YEAH, it wasn’t right the way he treated the boys. But like, Rise is really good at expressing subtle familial dynamics, and one of the big ones for me is the fact that like… there’s always an undercurrent of “It’s complicated” to their interaction with Splinter. IRL, it always pisses me off to see people casting judgments on people’s relationships with their family, because you don’t know!! Yeah, they hurt you, but not everything’s black and white. It’s complicated. Because you love them, and sometimes you get to understand a little bit better why things happened as you get older.

In a matter of smaller importance, hate for him loses so many opportunities in his character… even things that might just be kinda off-handedly mentioned.

He fought for SEVEN years—give me Splinter with chronic pain. Splinter relating to his boys with their neurodivergence—it’s HIS fault they have it!!!

That was seven years of imprisonment, or even simpler, an abusive relationship. What did he learn from that? How did he change? What things are skewed in his worldview?

His childhood! We saw his relationship with his grandfather a bit, but how did Splinter grow into his dream of being a movies star? HIM BEING A MOVIE STAR. He was both a rebellious team and a literal celebrity, this guy probably took empyrean at some point without knowing it, just like. Recreationally or something LMAO.

I maybe just need more of his old man knowledge. Him being so loser-core was a great move by the Rise team, and I could SEE where his story was going—ROBBED. We were ROBBED.

splinter hate is CRAAAAZY when he's such an INTERESTING character who does actually have a lot of obvious depth. like he's goofy and he's objectively flawed as a parent but he does go out of his way to improve himself and LEARN throughout the show, and he does listen and apologize when he knows he's messed up. his issues are so similar to leo's actually, leo's a kid so he's got more leeway to be shitty but idk when people act like its endearing on him and not on splinter. splinter's hilarious free my man

on the other side of the coin i dont really like when people make him a perfect loving parent either,,, i think people going for all kinds of interpretations in order to serve whatever story they need is fine but i do prefer kind of messy parent splinter, i think its kind of sad to see him reduced down to bad or good. he LOVES his boys so dearly and he would NEVER intentionally want to hurt them, but he's quick to cast judgement when he's angered/feels disrespected (evil league of mutants comes to mind, but also in turtle dega nights when donnie first stops the tank) and he's really a lot more inattentive than he should be. but there are REASONS behind this, coming out of an abusive relationship, fighting in bloodsports against his consent for years, you could probably count the whole draxum thing as traumatic (its presented as kind of silly in the show, but considering what it lead to,, its a pivotal moment in the backstory. its one of those things that i reasonably feel can be recontextualized because its so essential) and then dealing with crippling body dysmorphia and being forced into the sewers with no company other than his children,, it really adds up

idk like ,,,, you can still be extremely traumatized and be a horrible parent. in fact trauma can be a direct CAUSE of being a bad parent because that kind of thing influences every facet of your life and if youre unprepared emotionally, yeah. but splinter isn't the kind of person to double down and become more overtly nasty when he feels cornered. if he gets the feeling that his kids are actually upset with him, he backtracks. this is actually kind of a key trait of his, that he does try very hard to correct himself when he messes up. he's communicative and apologetic, and he tries very hard to be that way.

and also this is maybe something that i just have a wider problem with when it comes to the way people interpret things in cartoons at times but splinter's actions in eps like lair games (especially in lair games) and flushed but never forgotten are meant to be like. jokes. its absurdist comedy that's meant to catch you off guard. there are more serious emotional beats in rise you can use but i think when youre adapting this world and characters into a more serious tone you have to keep that kind of thing in mind because some things are meant to be surprising and absurd for the sake of making you laugh. i think the best comparison i can think of is how in musical movies they're not actually singing (in most cases, sometimes the fact that they actually are is played for laughs it depends. but yk what i mean). the joke is that this is kind of a shitty thing he's doing but taking the actions themselves seriously in a vacuum in order to cast shame on a character has always been odd to me. that'd be like calling raph abusive for rolling up the window on mikey's neck in late fee. or calling the teetz murderers because they caused a robot mass suicide that one time. it just doesnt make any sense

[fluffyk97]

Sonic 3 spoiler rambling about Sonic and Shadow under cut !

Y'know something that I feel might go lil under-appreciated is how well they made Sonic and Shadow mirror each other in the movie.

Like something that always can easily irk me are people boasting one of the two over the other because from the very beginning of his introduction to the series, Shadow's character is meant to reflect Sonic. They're meant to be equals that are so similar and complete opposites at the same time.

With the movie, I honestly wasn't expecting it that much. Sonic actually has a backstory that is just like Shadow's: powerful little hedgehog that is wanted for his power, so the one he's known his whole small life that he loves sacrifices herself to save him.

I fr fully expected Sonic to learn about Maria and be like "I lost Longclaw, I know you're pain, but-" blah blah blah- BUT they don't do that??

Of course, we have Commander Walters first telling Sonic that Shadow's story is a lot like his but wasn't able to find family and friends, and Sonic does find Shadow had a family from finding a picture of him and Maria together. He never gets told what happened exactly though, although it wouldn't make too much of a difference with the fact they did change up Shadow losing Maria just a little bit.

Since they didn't live up in space, Maria didn't have a capsule to send Shadow off with sacrificing herself and instead they made it an accident. WHICH- can be understandable if people don't like that, however personally I don't mind it that much because honestly the intent to shoot Maria was there, but she ended up being lost from an accident caused by Walters.

Which, ties in to Shadow hurting Tom...

Walters in trying to help save Maria's, Shadow's and Gerald's lives unfortunately led to Maria's death and watching Shadow be put in stasis for 50 years where all he thinks about is that painful memory burned fresh in his head. So of course when Shadow sees Tom disguised as Walters, he takes his anger out on him by hurting him while also stealing the key for the ARK. Leading to unfortunately another scenario of where the intent of harm is there, but someone still got hurt from an accident because Shadow never really meant to hurt Tom. But he does anyway..

Which of course in turn, makes Sonic mad just like Shadow was 50 years ago. Only difference is Sonic doesn't get immediately captured by GUN and forced into stasis. Letting him able to go straight to Shadow afterwards for hurting his family.

We have Shadow take note of all of that himself, telling Sonic he's feeling exactly the pain he felt and Sonic being the one to say "I'm nothing like you!". Just like how I thought Sonic would tell Shadow about Longclaw in hopes of redeeming him, but reversed and both sides full of anger and grief.

One awesome super fight later though, we come to the talk on the moon. Probably my favorite part in the whole movie. outside of the super fights and Live and Learn playing lol

After mentioning Tom and getting uppercutted straight to the moon by Sonic, Shadow loses his super form, leaving him vulnerable, easy for Sonic to take his revenge on him. Only for all of that to be stopped because of Shadow pointing at his own chest which reminds Sonic what Tom told him at the beginning of the movie and calm down.

"You didn't let pain change who you are."

This completely baffles Shadow, with him actually wanting Sonic to finish it, but of course Sonic just refuses saying "No one wins with revenge". It just leaves silence between them, finally giving Shadow his own moment of remembering Maria outside of her death by looking at the stars he used to gaze upon with her.

He mentions it to Sonic how all he knew and felt was just the pain, and now finally- FINALLY, Sonic mentions how he shares that feeling of loss from Longclaw. Not in a moment of trying to just redeem Shadow without the full weight of it, but in a moment of understanding.

A strong moment of these two looking at each other in a mirror, eye to eye. Sonic, who was allowed to grieve all those years ago after losing Longclaw, telling Shadow the pain of loss will never go away, but the love will always remain.

"The light shines, even though the star is gone."

And through that shared pain and loss, now coupled with empathy and understanding one another through it. They truly connect.

Sonic and Shadow's dynamic was just done SO WELL in the movie and I couldn't be happier with it...

[inthehexcore]

progress day party

summary: Jayce convinced you to go to a Councilor Party as his plus one. You were terrified.

content: sweet jayce, shy/nervous reader, fluff, meeting some of the other councilors, fem! reader, little backstory part before the request! probably ooc jayce but im trying to get the hang of it!! <3

wordcount: 2.016

a/n: this one got requested! thank you so much, the request changed a bit i think, but hope you enjoy it nonetheless! not as long/exactly as i wanted but :)

⠂⠄⠄⠂☆

Piltover's Golden Boy. The man of Progress. Co-inventor of Hextech.

Your friend. Your partner. Jayce Talis.

The first time you met him, you nearly fainted out of nervousness. You had known about Jayce for a long time already. Sky, your friend and former roommate, had applied for an internship at Hextech. You were so excited for her to follow her dreams, to show the world what she could do. One day, she asked if you could come with her, something about needing help with research. Even though you knew close to nothing about all the difficult work she did, you agreed. Never would you have guessed for that day to turn your life upside down.

"They said that I could use their lab! With everything in it! Well, I can't use any of the Hextech without supervision, but that's no problem!"

Sky and you had a great bond. Friends - sisters, almost. Though both rather introverted, the two of you would always open up around one another. She already held a clipboard in her hands, crossing off random squares before turning the corner, you walking behind her.

"I still can not believe you did it! I mean, of course I believe in you, but wow! An internship at Hextech with Jayce Talis and Vik-"

The tall doors opened to reveal the huge lab behind it. Never had you seen something so grand, so bright. Your eyes were not even sure where to look. There were big chalkboards along the entire length of the wall, desks with tools, even a table filled with what seemed like new Hextech inventions. But something that might have shocked you most was the two men in the corner of the room.

Had you misunderstood? You thought it would just be Sky and you.

"Oh, Viktor!" she smiled, "Jayce! Could I still use the lab?"

"Ah, Sky!" Jayce looked away from his desk, smiling as he stood up and walked toward the two of you, "And your guest!"

"The unfortunate subject for my research," laughed your friend, quickly introducing you to Jayce as you stood there in silence.

"I tried to clean up as well as I could, but," Jayce chuckled, rubbing his neck. He could have swept one more time, "Anyway. Would either of you like something... to drink?"

Viktor looked back from over his shoulder, an eyebrow raised before he turned to his work again. Jayce, oh Jayce.

Ever since that day, both you and the golden boy kept finding one another. At the market you ran into him - quite literally. You did not pay attention to where you were walking, which ended in you on the ground and Jayce profusely apologizing. Then that time where you tried to enter the Academy without your special school card. The enforcers only looked at you with a raised eyebrow, not letting you through to retrieve the very card that you had left inside. Luck seemed to be on your side as Jayce just walked by at that moment, smiling at the enforcers before mumbling a 'she's with me'. Not to forget all the times that Sky invited you for more research, only to say that she needed to retrieve something from her new dorm, leaving you and Jayce all alone in the big lab.

All that felt so long ago.

Never had you expected that you would be standing in front of the tall mirror, nerves running through your body as you glanced at the floor-length dress again. 'It's just a small party with the council. We will meet some others, enjoy some drinks, and then I will do my speech!' Jayce had said, holding your hand as you walked through Piltover. Reluctantly, you had said yes, and the excitement in Jayce's face made you feel warm. But inside, you were terrified. The Council. Those weren't just any type of party guests.

"Hey," you heard a knock on the door behind you, "Are you dressed?"

"Yes," a shaky sigh left your lips as you furrowed your eyebrows, running your hand over your dress again.

The door slowly opened, revealing your one and only behind it. Dressed in a suit that was ironed to perfection, the red and gold colours of House Talis decorating it all over. No wonder that Piltover loved the man so much - so nice, so motivated, so gorgeous.

"My god," he smiled, walking closer to you to press a kiss to your cheek, "You look beautiful."

Your dress, too, was coloured red and gold. When standing next to Jayce, it was undeniable that the two of you matched. Belonged. Yet, you didn't feel like you did.

"Says you," it was impossible not to smile around him, "You look good in these colours."

"I have something for you," he hummed, revealing a small box that he had hidden in his pocket, "A little Progress Day gift."

"For me?"

He nodded, handing you the item with a big smile on his face. How could you say no? You opened the white box with a giggle, placing the red ribbon that was tied around it on the vanity next to you. The item inside the box made you let out a gasp.

"Do you like it?" Jayce excitedly asked, a big grin on his face.

"Like it?" you looked up at him, eyes big and mouth wide open, "Jayce, I love it! This - This is amazing!"

"Made it all myself," he proudly said, "Though I'm not used to making hammers on this scale."

Inside the box sat a necklace with the most beautiful pendant you had ever seen. A little hammer, silver with red details, resting on top of silky fabric.

"Here," he reached for the necklace, unclasping the necklace to put it around your neck, his warm fingers tracing along your back as he kissed your shoulder, "Perfect,"

It made your face heat up as you only smiled, turning around to press a kiss to his nose.

"Ready?"

"As ready as I can be," you breathed in deeply.

It made his eyebrows crease - not because you didn't radiate the same excitement as he did, but because you almost seemed... worried. Maybe even scared.

"Would you maybe rather stay here?" he offered, softly taking hold of your hand, "I can pick you up after the party."

"No, no! It's just..." you sighed, shaking your head, "Just silly. I can't help but feel nervous. It's the Council, and I am not a smart inventor like you, or..."

He nodded understandingly - he himself was still not even sure why he was dubbed as the Man of Progress. As if he was the only person who had worked on Hextech.

"If you want to leave at any moment, you can tell me. Promise?"

"Promise."

So, hand in hand, the two of you made your way to where the party was held. The doors you stood in front of were huge and the hallways were decorated with gold and many more expensive materials. Yet, with Jayce's hand in yours, you felt less afraid.

The doors seemed to open automatically when the two of you arrived, revealing the bustling party that laid behind. People greeted him almost immediately, shaking his (free) hand and babbling on about everything.

"Ah, if you'll excuse me," he apologized, rubbing your hand with his thumb as he softly tugged you along, "Miss Medarda is right over there."

Miss Medarda as in Councilor Mel Medarda? The woman stood in front of the balcony, looking out over Piltover. She turned around as she heard footsteps approaching, and you felt even more nervous than before.

"Ah, Jayce! And your partner, from what I have heard?"

Jayce introduced you to the councilor as you shook her hand, shyly smiling and nodding.

"She is," he proudly smiled, "I thought to introduce the two of you - I think you will get along well. Plus, I can assure you, Miss Medarda is much more fun to speak to than... Them."

Mel let out a laugh, raising the cup to her lips.

"It is not hard to be more interesting than them. We can stick together," she looked at you with a smile, "That is, if you don't mind."

"I do not," you softly responded, looking at Jayce one last time as he pressed a kiss to your temple, breathing out deeply before letting out a chuckle, going back to his duty as the Golden Boy.

Mel plucked another glass off a tray, handing it to you.

"Now, I have heard so much about you from Jayce, but I would love to get to know you myself."

Time seemed to fly by as you stuck with Mel, holding onto your empty glass as you listened to one of her stories. Elora had also come to join into conversation, and you appreciated that they stayed with you.

None of you even realized that it was time to head to the Speech until you felt big hands on your shoulders.

"Ready to go? I promised Viktor that we would meet him there."

"Already?"

He hummed and nodded.

"Why don't you sit with us at the speech?" Mel offered, smiling as she looked at you, "Mrs. Talis will sit in the front row as well. I would be happy for you to join us."

"I would love to," you nodded quickly, giving both women a big smile, "Thank you Mel, Elora."

With your hand in his, Jayce guided you back out into the hallway and toward where Viktor would be waiting.

"Mel, huh? No more 'scary' Miss Medarda?"

You let out a laugh, covering your face with your hand as you shook your head.

"Looking back, I can't believe why I was so nervous. Both she and Elora were incredibly friendly and warm."

It didn't take long for the two of you to meet Viktor, greeting him before you split up from the duo to go and find a seat. It made your nerves heighten again - being completely separated from Jayce was something that made socializing harder than it could be. As you went through the security, you followed the groups of chattering people. Did it look silly, walking in by yourself?

The room was grand, and Councilor Kiramman was already standing at the side of the stage, talking to one of the Enforcers. You averted your gaze to the first row of the seats, most already taken. Was this where you were going to sit?

Mel saw you before you could spot her, walking over to the enforcer who guarded the entrance.

"She's with me," the woman said, holding out her arm for you to take before guiding you to your seat, "Don't want you to get lost."

You giggled, thanking her as you sat down on one of the plush chairs, right inbetween Mel and Mrs. Talis.

"Ah," Ximena excitedly exclaimed, smiling at you, "I was hoping you would be here. When Miss Medarda told me that she reserved a seat for you, I could not help but be happy! Oh, isn't today an amazing Progress Day? And the speech hasn't even begun!"

Jayce's mother was one of the sweetest people you had ever met - it wasn't hard to see that she passed all that love on to Jayce.

"He will do amazing, I'm sure."

And amazing he did. With the fireworks lighting up the sky and Jayce's bright smile, you could not help but feel your heart bursting. You had held Ximena's hand as she looked up at her son, her eyes shining with tears and a proud smile on her face. Illuminated with the colourful and bright lights, Jayce looked like an angel.

After shaking many hands and receiving many congratulations, you and your partner were finally back home. He let out a tired sigh, flopping down on the couch as you let out a chuckle, taking off your heels and pulling pins out your hair.

"You did amazing, Jayce."

"You think so?"

You hummed, nodding before also sitting down on the couch, snuggling against him as you let out a content sigh.

"As you said - the future is bright."

[heretohavenone]

Okay. I've been pondering Jack Slash for a bit. Slimy basted he is, and Number Man, the weirdo HE is. I've come to a couple conclusions after reading through Worm and most of Ward (working on it you'll all be getting my dog gruel opinions on it after) and some of Jack's Backstory via Wildbow posts. First I'll talk about Jack, since he needs more piecing together, for me at least.

Jack Slash is essentially a grifter/shitty salesman when he's speaking 99% of the time. Hes trying, almost without even putting up an act to get you to believe there is some philosophical point he's reaching towards, or some reason why what he's doing means Anything greater than just plain old being a dick. He'll put on different hats to tell you Why he's killing, but in the end, the only thing he wants is to make the world worse and to cause conflict. And that's it. 100%, honestly it. He'd probably kick a puppy if he thought that'd actually help make more people do Worse things, and get him into more conflict. For almost his entire interlude he doesn't really think of himself in terms of what he gets in goals, he simply observes others and thinks of how to best pressure them to continue making things worse while under his control. I think its pretty evident from how much he throws himself into chaotic situations and tries to make things so complicated he can't keep up that Control isnt really what hes most into.

Let's now put this into the context of his past, and more importanty, what Shards want. His past is pretty interesting: locked in a bunker by abusive parents, and told the world had gone to war. They told him a story about how bad everything had gotten, kept him in there for a Long Long time, and he triggered when he left the bunker and he realized it was a lie. Specifically, the thing that broke him wasn't the fact that his parents lied to him. It was that the world was Sane, and Safe, and Not at war. Something he'd grown used to, and absorbed into himself while in that bunker. Essentially, he torn apart by the fact everything was Okay when he was convinced utterly that it had all gone to shit, and people were in senseless conflict like he thought. His worldview got flipped, everything felt wrong, and he triggered. He only thinks the world makes sense In conflict, he had the ability to really process a healthy, constructive world severely damaged to him when he was young.

Jack's desire for conflict make a little more sense with that, but his shard Loving his ass makes a hundred times more sense. He's literally trying to cause humanity to act divided, just like the Shards want, and to create conflict testing. No wonder it likes him so much, that's about as ideal a host as any shard could net, ever. Its like a weapon tester finding a group of suicidal combat junkies. Like. Exceptionally lucky. So Jack is rewarded for his instincts by things Working for him, and gets in a loop of conflicts that are their own reward by making the world as horrible as he thought it was, and making him Comfortable. It's his natural environment. Anything actual push to be constructive and grow attached probably feels alien to him, or just gets contextualized as a tool to create conflict, because he no longer really would know how to do anything but be a grifting jackass hurting people. Even his games are shows of this, every rule meant to be broken and unfair, because you're supposed to stop thinking about them as Rules and more like tools to fuck eachother over. The game Is cheating the game. The point isnt anything he says, it's trying to Kill him.

This is what makes his relationship to Number Man maybe the top five ????? Things when I first read it. He liked the person who's entire sociopathic, utilitarian goals were: Helping The World and Making Order. Seemed contradictory, but Jack did like him as a person, not necessarily his philosophy. Still. They're people who think back on each other fondly, despite what they've become. While Jack doesn't know Where Number Man went, he's not being hunted or hurt or even being pitied for not following conflict like Jack.

They seem to be like Wildbow's fucked up little views on systems and those who take them down rather than working on them, which I disagree with, but they're still fascinating. As much as Number Man is a monster like Jack, who would do everything Jack does if given reason to by finding it the best way to improve people's lives, Number Man is mature by trying to be constructive with his views on what is and is not important, while Jack is purely deconstructive of everything. Their similarity though is how they both seek out their version of thing purely for their own satisfaction, and that's the reason they both seem to admire eachother. Theyre both entirely selfish people.

They're also, hilariously, both killed by people who are both out-doing them in their field. The only Parahuman who hurt Jack Slash was Gray Boy, someone who didn't care about anything but his own selfish ideas of fun who found Jack 'boring', and a disappointment, and that Might have actually thrown Jack off enough it let Gray Boy hit him with a time loop. Number Man got factored in as an uncared for number in Contessa's plan to defeat Teacher. I'm very curious if this one of Worm's few narrative punishments for both's wrong deeds, or just coincidence. Whichever, it's pretty interesting to look at these two freaks' dichotomy in terms of the story, and what Caulron does vs what those who fight against systems in the story do.

But, I like Jack Slash tbh. Cartoonishly evil as he is, he wasn't really didnt do anything else than what he sent himself out to do, and he CLEARLY enjoyed himself while doing it. And Number Man took some time to grow on me, but I also enjoy how he's kind of the opposite in how he shows himself to be very simply then pulls some marble slingshot bullshit to lobotomize someone a mile away.... OKAY I'm still a lil shocked by that.

[indierpgnewsletter]

There's Other Kinds Of GM Advice: Theatricality versus Transparency

(This first appeared on the Indie RPG Newsletter)

I find that broadly there are at least two kinds of GM advice – and they have a very different philosophy underpinning them.

The first kind of advice aims at all costs to maintain verisimilitude. It’s a solution that you can implement without breaking the players’ immersion in their characters. This can just be stuff like Matt Colville explaining that if your players are taking too long discussing plans, guess what, orcs attack! We’ve all probably played a game where people were going in circles and not able to decide what to do. If it looks like we’re not able to decide, we’re probably going to be relieved if the GM makes something happen to break the deadlock and prompt us back into the action.

(Historically, this kind of thing was taken to egregious lengths like Gary Gygax saying if players start acting uppity, have a rock fall on their head. It’s mostly gone now but reddit tells me that Cyberpunk Red which came out relatively recently still says something similar.)

The second flavor of advice involves breaking character and talking to your players directly. I know “talk to your players” is a mantra repeated so often that autocorrect suggests it as soon as you type the letter t. At its worst, this advice is vague and unhelpful. We’ve all considered talking frankly to people in our lives, we just find it awkward and hard and annoying. But, but, but – at its best, just describing the problem as you see it and escalating it from a character discussion to a player discussion will make it go away instantly. Like magic. (If you’re not sure what that means: In a previous issue, I discussed Jason Tocci’s excellent advice on escalating conversation in this way.)

And since the theatrical flavour of advice has the weight of history on its side and transparent advice keeps getting boiled down to mantra form, I thought I’d write down some examples of situations and some alternative ways to handle them:

Situation 1: The players are marines discussing whether to dive into the alien lair and recover their stolen engine (their main goal) or go and see if another missing team of marines is okay. There is only 45 minutes left and this is a one shot.

Theatrical: The other marines suddenly come on the radio and say, “hey we’re okay, please complete the mission.”

Transparent: “Hey, folks. There’s 45 minutes left. If we don’t do the alien lair now, we won’t be able to do it at all. Is that fine?”

Situation 2: The players are low-level fantasy nobodies who have a famous wizard friend. They’re about to tangle with some medium-level bad guy and decide to call in their wizard friend.

Theatrical: When the players try to contact her via a telepathic phone call / spell, she sounds breathless and says she’s busy doing something way more important like fighting a dragon.

Transparent: “Hey, folks. If we get the wizard in, she’ll absolutely make this fight a cakewalk. We won’t even need to roll initiative really. Is that what you want? Or would we rather have a fun fight?”

Situation 3: The players were having fun exploring when they meet a cool NPC (an android! an elf! an android elf!) who has this interesting backstory with an urgent, earth-shattering hook. They go along with the android elf because it seems more important but immediately look like they’re having less fun.

Theatrical: Narrate how the android elf meets a group of other android elves and have the elf say, “Hey, now that I have these folks helping me, you can leave it you want!”

Transparent: “Hey, folks. Talking to you as players here, do we want to stick with this whole android elf plot here? It does mean that we won’t do any open-ended exploration. Which would you prefer?” If they want to ditch the elf plot, you could just retcon it entirely or do the theatrical solution.

All of these situations have happened at my table. They’re all relatively low stakes and I think whichever way you handle it, it’ll probably be fine. But that said, some situations absolutely work better when done transparently so if you’ve never tried the transparent way, give it a shot. If immersion matters a lot to you, try it at the end of the session.

/End

PS. The theatrical options often still require the players to willingly suspend their disbelief and go with it. If a player didn’t play along, they might just say “I thought their radios weren’t working, otherwise we could’ve just contacted them before. Why can they suddenly contact us now?” or “Oh, the wizard is fighting a dragon right now. We can totally wait. There’s no reason we need to fight the bad guy right now.” And sometimes I can’t shut off that part of my brain either so I won’t judge. But if there’s a way to sidestep that situation even coming up, I’m going to take it every time.

[saylor-twift]

“he loves you, but he would never say that to your face.”

“-but he would never admit that.”

“-but he would never tell you.”

???

Are you sure? I am an avid tumblr stalker, and I’ve read so many things on silly little hat man in my time. I’ve seen things that tore my heart to pieces, that patched it up, that made me want to rip my guts out and throw up, that made me feel on top of the world.

And yet this is the one thing that bothers me so very much. I know, everyone has their own interpretations and opinions on different characters. So let me share my own.

The Wanderer is such a deeply written and intricate character, strung together with deep fears and insecurities, tragic backstories, and a beautiful story of change, healing, and moving forward. (I hate hate hate it when he is forced down to the level of nothing but oversexualization and “uwu sexy anime boy”, but that’s a conversation for another time.)

I’m sure if you’re reading this, you’re probably acquainted with Wanderer’s backstory, so I’m not going to explain. A lot of shit happened that made him who he is, and ever since the events of Irminsul, he has taken on a new path that he cannot go back on. Not like he’d ever want to. He said it himself, he never had any intention of returning to the Fatui. (And also- why choose to go backwards when you’ve got such a nice path set ahead of you?)

Anyways, point is, he’s changing. Notice how I said changing. He’s not changed, he’s just starting to. He’s getting there. Which brings me back to my argument. In the case that Wanderer ends up with a partner, things are certainly not going to be like a normal relationship. (He’s got plenty of red flags, don’t even try to deny it. But he’s a fictional character, so I suppose we can let this one slide.) Is he going to make the first move? That depends on if you make him desperate enough. Otherwise, it’s all on you, babe.

He’s not going to take it well. He’s going to deny it as hard as he can. You don’t love him, how can you? He is the furthest thing from loveable as you can get on this godforsaken planet. (His thoughts, not mine) But he certainly loves you, and, albeit with some likely pressuring assistance from Nahida, he’s come to terms with that terrifying knowledge.

“But he wouldn’t admit that to you.”

STOP. STOP RIGHT THERE.

Here is where my controversial opinion comes in. Most people tend to portray Wanderer as this cold, cut-off, aloof and irritable man, even in a relationship. And before you say anything, no, I absolutely do not think he would be the lovey-dovey, sappy, overly caring and romantic type. He’s not on either end of the spectrum, but I do think he’s somewhere in the middle (but probably leaning towards the former side).

Love is so, so very scary to him. And downright unknown. He’s traversing into uncharted waters here, give him some space to figure things out. That being said, he’s testing these waters. He’s not going to say he loves you at the beginning of a relationship. He has to make sure this thing is going to work. Your relationship is a newly built bridge, and those three words are the heavy cargo passing through. Without a strong foundation, the bridge is going to collapse, no questions asked. The only problem is, it’s going to take a long, long time to build that bridge. It’s going to be more expensive, more time consuming, and cost more materials than you had originally bargained for.

But that cargo can’t sit on one side of the bridge forever, can it? No, it has to get to the other side at some point. So if you have the patience to give your time to this bridge, the cargo will find its way to the other side. The foundation may wobble, the planks may shake, but the bridge isn’t going down.

He loves you, and he would admit it out loud. He would say it to your face. Just maybe not as soon as you want it. It’s going to hurt, and you’re going to wonder if he actually cares for you or not. Fear not, because if you pay attention to those little things he does when you’re not looking, it will feed you those little crumbs you need till you can finally be satiated when the full meal is done cooking. He mends things for you, things you had given up on because you’d never have the time nor energy to do it yourself. He cooks, and surprisingly, it’s always your preferences. He collects things that remind him of you, some he keeps out of embarrassment, and some he leaves on your bedsheets whenever you’re not home.

He’s been hurt, abandoned, and betrayed far too many times to immediately let himself fall into something as complicated as a relationship. He’s going to be distant, you’re going to disagree, probably fight a bit. He’s just seeing how far he can bend the lines, how much you really want him. (red flag maybe!! but he’s working on it, it’s going to be okay. mayyyybe you can look past just this one…) If you won’t leave even if he does this, then he thinks, maybe you’re the one. Maybe fate decides to treat him benevolently for once.

And when you finally, finally get to that point, he’s going to drown you so deep you can never get out. He’ll say he loves you, does everything in his power to make sure you never forget it. (no, he’s not going to read you love poems in the moonlight and call you darling. sorry if that’s your thing, that’s not who he is.)

This relationship will never be perfect, but relationships never are. Just as long as the two of you are willing to be patient with the other and get through your differences and clashing personalities, you are going to mold together perfectly. And even if he doesn’t say it often, (which he probably won’t. he’s certain you know it. why repeat something already ingrained into your mind? he doesn’t use those words lightly), it’s not like he’ll never say it. He won’t leave you in the dark for too long. He loves you, don’t worry. He’ll say it, but he prefers to show it.