#but ‘I didn’t do enough research’ is a pretty piss poor excuse

[tevanbuckley]

can’t believe there’s bddies in the quotes of that Richard Siken tweet whining that he’s being mean.

oh, he was mean was he? someone asked him if the poems he wrote about his dead boyfriend (and which were published in 2005) were about buddie. that breezes right past offensive and into the territory of mind bogglingly stupid. the fact he said anything other than, “are you a fucking idiot?” shows a remarkable amount of restraint.

[kaiserin-astraia]

NieR's Project Gestalt

So after several nights losing sleep over this, I decided to write down my biggest issue with the NieR series: project gestalt. It’s pretty unanimously agreed by fans that project gestalt was probably the worst plan in the history of plans, executed in the laziest way possible. And yet, I couldn't help but obsess over how project gestalt could have been salvaged, even after the events of ending E of nier replicant.

This is the part where I say: I’m going to spoiling the hell out of NieR: Replicant and in some capacity NieR: Automata. If you don’t want to be spoiled, then get out now — that being said, if you’re sticking around anyway, I’ll be attempting to give summaries and explanations to concepts in the games that are relevant, so that we are all on the same page. also also I only know the high level details of the Drakengard series & won't be touching on it much.

So. What the hell was project gestalt?

Project gestalt was the terrible and last ditch effort to save humanity from a widespread pandemic called white chlorination syndrome, or WCS. WCS was caused by a literal inter dimensional fight between a red dragon and demon baby thing that resulted in the death of both and the deterioration of their corpses causing salt (also called Maso particles) to fall from the sky. If you got infected, the Cult of the Watchers gave you the choice of losing your free will and fighting for them as a soldier in the Legion, or turning into a pile of salt and dying. BrandonSP has a wonderful video talking about the Legion and the Nier universe leading up to the events of Nier: Replicant that I’ll link if you want to know more about this history (here), but all you need to know is: humanity is on the brink of extinction and the planet is no longer inhabitable in its current state.

Project Gestalt discovered that the way humans could escape extinction is by separating their souls from their bodies — the soul having no physical form is immortal & immune to maso, while the body without a soul can't become infected, because there’s no consciousness to force into a demon deal, I guess. You know, I realized while writing this that it’s not clear why separating soul from body actually worked to prevent WCS, but whatever it worked because Yoko Taro Said So.

However, separating body from soul was no easy task; upon doing so, most people’s souls would instantly go berserk, turning into mindless violent entities. The first success was the playable character of Nier: Replicant, who I’m going to call Nier. Upon this first success, the governments of the world convinced / coerced him into cooperating with the Project, and he became the cornerstone for all the “gestalts” aka the souls separated from their bodies.

Just to keep everyone up to pace, gestalts are the souls separated from their bodies, otherwise known as “shades” in Nier: Replicant.

So Project Gestalt’s planned chain of events was as followed:

1. All remaining humans would undergo gestalt-ing 2. The resulting replicants (aka, the soulless bodies) and androids would fight and defeat the legion & clean up the planet so that it was habitable again … which meant containing or eradicating the leftover maso covering the planet. 3. Once ready for rehabilitation, Grimoire Weiss and Grimoire Nior would merge into each other, causing all gestalt souls to snap into their respective replicants starting with Nier 4. Profit. Seems a simple plan, right? Well, not even a single step of that plan worked. By the end of Nier: Replicant ending E, Nier’s Gestalt, aka the shadow lord, has been killed by his own replicant; the replicants have gained sentience and I would argue their own souls, and many gestalts have relapsed into becoming violent, nonsensical entities. The insta-snap grimoires are dead, too, and-- Oh there’s the tiny issue that when a gestalt relapses, their corresponding replicant gets something called the “black scrawl”, a painful and terminal disease. Once a gestalt relapses or dies, their replicant can’t be recreated (well... mostly) and because the original gestalt, the shadow lord, is dead, all the other gestalts are doomed to eventually relapse or die as well, and thus humanity goes extinct. This is where I call bullshit. There’s little known about the time period between Nier: Replicant and Nier: Automata— especially the time of the gestalt and replicants decline. The game(s) leads you to believe that nothing can be done because the soul snapping Grimoires are dead and so is the original gestalt. However, there is tons of evidence in the game itself that implies it’s not so simple, and truly the true tragedy is that simply, everyone gave up — or more likely, Yoko Taro didn’t want us to think this hard, lol. Well TOO BAD, I can’t stop thinking about it so finally let’s actually talk about how to save humanity. First of all, I read on Reddit how it seems to be that the androids Devola and Popula are only two units, and with their demise in Nier: Replicant that project gestalt is doomed to failure. However, Nier: Automata clearly talks about how there were several Devola and Popula model pairs in different cities/continents. There’s no way that only our Devola and Popula in Nier: Replicant knew how to merge a gestalt with its replicant; such vital information would be stored in every android related to the project, and these models were quite literally created to oversee it. So. Idk why the hell the project was allowed to even get so disorganized, but regardless, after the the Shadow Lord and grimoires die, the remaining Devola and Popula units should have immediately made a plan B. There were several big issues with the state of the world before, so we’ll tackle them one by one for the biggest chance of success. 1. All relapsed gestalts need to be eradicated or contained. Their violence has lead replicants to attack them back and view them as monsters, leading to meaningless conflict. If the Devola and Popula units are programmed not to harm the gestalts because they are the 'true humans', they need to make new units ala A2 or 2B to take care of it. Because we know that android technology is already there, evidenced by the Memory Tree, and Devola and Popula, it follows this is definitely possible.

2. There should be three divisions of research made as follows:

2.1 Research into the effects of mismatched replicants merged with gestalts, like Kaine. Because the clock is ticking, there’s unfortunately no time to gawk at morals. Taking volunteers, even 1 success could be the difference between extinction or survival.

2.2 Creating and housing “iced” or “stasis” gestalts, while replicant bodies are “grown” for them. Because replicants have formed their own identities, they should try to create/raise replicants completely asleep/comatose. If not this, research into putting gestalts into their proper replicants at infant stage can be tried. (Note: replicants were infertile, hence why replicants had to be made, not born of sexual reproduction. Yoko Taro said that replicants couldn’t reproduce because they didn’t have their souls, however I think this was just a comment said to cover a plot hole.)

2.3 Research into whether replicants truly have souls or not, and whether something can be done to allow them to reproduce. Regarding the soul issue, it’s heavily implied that the Memory Tree, having absorbed the memories of so many replicants, began growing a soul of its own (that Nier killed, thinking it was a shade, oops). Now, how is that possible? It shouldn’t be, unless the replicants had made their own or unless a soul being created was possible. If we want to get fancy, a fourth division could be organized to study Emil and the weapons project that experimented on him, with an emphasis on how to either reverse the effects or if any information can be gleaned from them regarding the soul.

2.4 Black scrawl 2 electric boogaloo: it’s said in the project gestalt files that they couldn’t find a cure or reason for this phenomenon, but if we’re trying to cover our bases, another research division should be created to investigate and attempt to cure it. It seems to be a magical malady, so I wonder if Emil would be able to help... or even Kaine.

3. (Moving along...) More androids should be created to build cities / homes / areas of civilization for the newly reformed humans to re-habitat. This is said to be a goal of the androids in Nier: Automata, and they were doing a piss poor job — maybe if they got started earlier they’d have a better shot. The replicants were/are already living in medieval levels of squalor and poverty, which is ridiculous considering the android's technology is so advanced.

4. No more lies: though in my plan, replicants shouldn’t have to be created except to be possessed, but if they are created and allowed to mature into a sentient age, replicants should be educated and informed about the truth of their existence — this is for many reasons. First, that way replicants will be less likely to fear and attack shades they see; two, worst comes to worst, they may be more willing to share their bodies with their gestalts and who knows? Maybe they’d merge naturally. Three, no replicant would be allowed to get strong enough to defeat an android (or two -- seriously, what were the twins thinking letting Nier get so powerful?).

Hopefully this makes it very obvious that the death of humanity was entirely the fault of Project Gestalt itself and the androids meant to oversee it -- at least the androids have the excuse of being programmed to act a certain way, but still. It's so frustrating that we just have to accept that humanity was doomed even though, by its own lore, there was a lot that could have been done to attempt to save humans. Like, I love you, Yoko Taro, but gees.

anyway if you've read all this I'm so sorry but also I'm REALLY interested to hear what y'all think about the Nier universe and it's facets. idek why I've got such deep brainworms but here we are.

P.S. As of writing this, I've played some Nier: Reincarnation and it just further implies that the way they created and treated replicants was both A) awful, holy shit, it's so bad, and B) ill-advised on every level. I don't want to spoil but good lord. Honestly, I think at this point YT just wants to express/nail home that humanity was doomed to fail because of its own cruelty and flaws. ok ill shut up now bye love u

[chemicallady]

Dr and Dr Reid

Part I , Part II.

A/N : Hello everybody! It's me again with the second part of my Dr&Dr series! I hope you will enjoy it! If you like this idea, tell me something about it. If is too boring, I’ll moving on another subject ^^

Couple: Spencer Reid x Researcher!Reader

Category: little angst

Warnings: descriptions of dead bodies and decomposition.

Summary: BAU is involved in a casa in Golconda, Nevada. Reader is an expert in tools' marks for the local FBI settlement and Spencer isn't aware of it.

*****

January 17, 2007

Golconda, Nevada.

After a seven hours trip by car, you are already done. God only knows how are you supposed to work after that. Nevada’s unpleasant weather is drying your lungs breath by breath, while you’re reaching the area under federal surveillance. Your supervisor have asked you to keep the tools’ marks on a dead body in order to determinate the object used on the victim because, if you will be lucky, you eventually use the results for an article or your thesis. If the Feds wont have any problem with that. 

The point is that... Well. The victim is not like you have figured out. You are an expert on skeletal remains but in front of you there is a full torso, coverd in tattoos and with a huge wound on the top of the sternal bone. No head, no legs or arms but a lot of dead meat. The view is awful but the smell is the worst. It’s taking your breath away. 

You put a hand over your mouth and apologise, but you need a moment. Leaving your kit under the tend, you move some steps along the path and start to breath slowly with your mounth. It's too hot for your first dismembered body, but you can't let go this opportunity. Some agents are already look at you with a glaze of pity and you can't accept it.

You are strong, you can do it.

Or at least you can try, you attended a lot of authopsy before. 

Back to the tend, your supervisor is talking with an old man and an awsome guy, both with the FBI badge. You look at them while you're wearing your gloves and this beautiful, fit special agent keeps his sunglasses off and look back to you.

With a blush, you start to work. The coroner gives you the permission to take some photos and apply a paste on the cervical bone and on the broken omerous. You are waiting it to be dry when the two agents approce you.

《 Hi ma'am. I am Special Agent Morgan and this is Special Agent Gideon. Can you tell us which tool was used on the victim?》

《Ah-Well; I need some minutes more but I believe that is more that just one....》 you slow while you're speaking, looking at the guy who are join the party right now. 《....tool.》

Morgan follows your eyes and looks at Reid, who seems to be really surprised by your presence. 《Hi pretty boy, don’t be shy. We are speaking with the expert to find out what was used on this poor guy. She is... I am sorry, I didn't catch you name.》

Because he didn’t ask. You open your mounth to answer but Spence is faster. 《She is (y/f/n). She is a PhD candidate at UNLV.》

《You really know everything . , says a young agent, following him. She is a slim brunette, sassy. You like her at the first sight.

Spencer blushes, 《I met her several months ago.》 He is speaking like you aren’t in there with them and that piss you off a lot. Then finally he speaks to you directly. 《Hi (y/n). Is a pleasure to meet you again.》

You are speechless. 《Yeah, whatever》 you cut the conversation, took off the paste and look at the marks closely. You dont wan’t to meet  Spencer’s eyes because the afternoon is too hot and dry to pretend to be nice on him and faking a smile. 《In my opinion the murderer used two tools for dismember the victim's body: a serrated knife and a hand saw. I can be more specific after a visual confrontation if you ask to》

《Thank you miss (y/s/n), you are really helpful.》

Morgan smiles to you and you answer as well, before rise up and go to your supervisor, ready to reach the morgue for working on that traces.

Gideon moves on the car and Spencer is left with Emily and Morgan. 《She hates you》, she says, with a smirk. 《What did you do?》

For the first time in a while, he seems speechles.  «Nothing», is the short answer he gives to them. ‘I was an asshole’ would be the real one. Or at last, what he feels. 

****

You hear that the criminal- the guy who is called Unsub by the FBI’s agents- had taken a couple of hostages before disappear again. One of them is the sceriff herself. Than, you recive a call from you supervisor, who ask you to go to another location in the nearby, supporting the BAU squad after they clean the scene. 

«There are probably human remains involved. Go and check with Supervisor Special Agent Hotchner.»

You start to believe that maybe the FBI needs you or maybe you need the FBI if even the boss is so hot like Aaron Hotchner is. You are young and always look at the bright side, even while you are keeping humans ribs off a lot of handmade garden decorations and it’s so gross even for you. You love Halloween and macabre arts project, but this is too far.  

And Spencer is here as well. The two of you don’t have a proper conversation since you have reached Golconda because both of you are working, but now, in the middle of the country side, while you are puking your guts out, on the burned grass of the garden, he is the one who offers help to keep your hair back. 

This isn’t you first crime scene, but the best part of your job is working on cold cases, if it’s need. You are a researcher (almost), a lab rat, not an investigator. You are use to bones and sometimes mummies from the desert, not to the harsh smell of blood and rotten meat which infested the shed in the backyard. There is a surgical room and a body inside, but they saved the sheriff at least. 

A light breeze is caressing your face and makes you feel better. You are greatful to Spencer when he offers a bottle of water to you. 

«When the work comes to the lab it looks nicer», you tell him, receiving a soft smile in return.  «If it’s true that I’ll never forget the first time, I’ll be ashamed forever...»

«You don’t have. It’s a normal response of your body in front of a situation which is fondamental -»

«Thank you Spencer. I approciate your scientific enthusiasm, but.... Chill out.»

You sit on the ground, tying your hair and keep a huge breath.  «How’s going on?»

«Better. Thank you for the approciation Dr Reid. You should go back to work before your sexy boss notices that you are wasting your time on me.»

«I am not wasting-wait. Did you just say that Hotch is sexy?»

«Hell, he is.»

Spencer looks confused for a moment, after looking around him, maybe to spot the subject of the conversation. That gives you time to reach for a chewing gum on your pocket. 

The silence between the two of us is really unpleseant, but you dont have nothing else to say. Is Spencer’s turn and he doesn’t disappoint you. Not at all.

«I know why you are mad at me.»

«Do you know, Dr Reid?»

He sighs.  «Can you stop, please? I dont like when you are so formal with me, I believed that we had passed it.»

«Yeah, well. You’ve stopped answer my letters and phone calls without having the decency to give me a solid explanation.... So guess what? We hadn’t passed over anything.»

He lowers his head, aware that he is in the wrong.  «I just.... My job is demanding...»

A small, bitter laught leaves your lips.  «You really believe that you’re the only one in the world who actually has a demanding job? C’mon you can find a better excuse. If you cared, you’d answered. Aren’t you able to write a message? with... 3 bachelors and 3 PhDs?» 

You’re being mean, you know that, but he hurts your feelings. You two had 3 intensive months of letter’s exchange. You wrote the first one a week after you got his address at the conference in Vegas. A four pages letter, in which you explained to him your PhD project and shared with him throughts and stuffs. He replayed with a 14 pages letter. That’s how it started. He told you about his mom’s issues, his scholar experience and how was growing up in Vegas. You shared with him your experinces, moving away from home, how your family is, how you are fond of cats and dogs. You talked about your own pet, with him ...

That’s how you two became intimate.  

It escalated fast. 

After a month, you gave him your number and the two of you started to call each others, first twice a week, than more and more. Even just to sei ‘hi’ and know about how the other feels in that specific moment. From you, it was enough to hear his voice to be happier. 

He helped you in the bad days and made the good days better.  

And you fell from him, because Spencer is a nice guy. At least, he looked like a nice guy untill letters and calls stopped. And he disappeared from your life in a couple of weeks. You hadn’t a news from him since ten days before Golconda’s case. The Destiny is involved for sure, because you believed that you wont see him again. 

But there you are, sitting next to him. In silence. 

Is too much for you. And no, he doesn’t know why you are so mad at him. You are mad at yourself, because you don’t let people in, usually. You were hurt so much in the past that know you are tired of being everybodies fooled.

Guys are nice ‘till they are not, your mom always says. 

That’s true. Men are all the same in the end.  

That’s why you get on your feet, taking away your gloves. You almost forgot you’re still wearing them.  «I need to go back to the morgue. Bye, Dr Reid.»

«Is better this way. (y/n)», he says, in a rush. You look at him standing fast and you rise a elbow. No clue about what he is saying.  «Maybe my job is not too demanding for me.. But it will be for you. Trust me. Is better for you not being involved with me... I wasn’t aware that our relationship could be that deep.»

«Relationship? We don’t have anything. This is so stupid and... Selfish!», you almost yell, angry at him because it doesn’t make any sense!  You calm down when you feel a glaze on you. SA Morgan is looking at you two, but he immediatly turns away when you notice him. «Have a nice day, Dr Reid.»

He watches you helplessly as you walk away. «Dont say anything», the warns Morgan, who is approching him with a smirk. 

«Can I say that she is on fire and you look dumb, pretty boy?»

Spencer sighs, scrolling his shoulders. «It’s a long story.»

«Yeah? Such a pity that we don’t have time. Gideon found our man, we need to move now», he says, before teasing Spencer a little. «You’ll have time for your love business after we close the case.» 

«There is no ‘love business’, Morgan. We are... fine. Friends. I guess we were...»

«You sure? That little bird probably thinks otherwise», Mogan says, claps him on the shoulder.

Spencer sighs again, looking you in the car, waiting the coroner to go back to the morgue. For a second, your glazes meet, but you look so... deeply hurt. And he understands that- again- he makes a mistakes on another, just because he wants to preserve someone who is dear to him. 

But yes, he has no time now, but he have to apologize to you. And he will.

As long as they close the case. 

[amispnrewatch]

SPN 1x02

Lol, one episode in and we already have a recap. Man, I do not miss the days of having to wait for reruns to see an episode you missed of whatever show you like.

Oh man, throwback tech! I remember those Nintendo DS consoles and videophones. Also, the kid in the bandana looks like a Power Ranger to me but I can’t remember which one. Tommy? The red ranger? Fuck if I can remember, but he always looks familiar.

There’s a podcast I’ve been listening to recently called The Hidden Djinn that goes into the actual lore about Djinn and how they’re super offended by people peeing on trees and whatnot. I dunno if Wendigos are related to Djinn, but it makes sense if they are and went after these guys for pissing in the woods.

I like that Sam didn’t bring her regular store bought roses. The bouquet he got is really pretty. Poor Sam. Also, why does everyone from the mid-80s have the middle name of Lee? (I also have the middle name Lee and I’ve known a ton of other people who have it too.)

Aww, back when Dean actually offered to let Sam drive once in a while before deciding that it was not a thing that needed to happen. (I will forever be salty about Cas never getting to drive Baby...)

“Dad will have answers. He’ll know what to do.” Oh man, you can hear young as fuck Dean having to say the same thing after a couple weeks in a motel to keep Sam calm.

“It’s no nature hike, that’s for sure.” Sam. Sam, honey. IT’S THE GODDAMN FOREST WITH A FUCKING TRAIL YES IT’S A NATURE HIKE. I’m fine.

Fuck you Mr park ranger guy.

“Since when are you all shoot first and ask questions later anyway.” Right? Sam turning down a chance to study or do research? Bad sign.

I’ve seen this episode so many times that I can’t remember if this actress who plays the sister is actually familiar only from this show or from something else I watched around this time. I don’t care enough to look it up, but eh. Again with the 100% realistic middle class wardrobe and styling here for the time.

“Can I see the pictures he sent you?” There we go Sam! That’s more like you.

Watching this scene where Sam is pulling out all of his research and laptop and infodumping about the case... yeah, Sam girls definitely didn’t get enough of this in the later seasons. Yes, he was the research guy, but it was more of a check a box to justify having him in the scene kinda thing and less of this genuine excitement? Maybe I’m still just burned out from the finale.

Definitely Sam with his magic wifi powers working right here. No bars in 2005 would have free fucking WiFi.

This interview with the guy who was attacked by the “bear” when he was a kid reminds me viscerally of a scene in the X-Files. After looking it up, it reminds me of the scene in season one “Tooms” (spooky as FUCK episode) where Mulder and Scully interview a detective who worked one of the old murder cases and his place was set up super similar to this guys house. From what I remember.

“There’s something evil in those woods.” That’s definitely true.

Why was there a crying baby in the “corporeal” bickering scene?

“Now we gotta babysit too?” Man, this scene is so good. I reblogged a couple metas from other people doing rewatches of this scene to my main blog. I think I’ll post them here too to capture my thoughts because it’s SUCH a good exchange.

Yeah Dean, a fucking ranger drives a classic car into the forest. Uh huh. HOW is this always overlooked? Does Baby have “I am not the droid you’re looking for” powers to go with Sam’s WiFi?

These kids are having a bad fucking day.

“Whatcha doin, Roy?” Love that. “You should watch where you’re steppin’, Ranger.” YES BITCH.

“You didn’t pack any provisions.” Excuse you he has M&MS! Lol

Sam. I don’t know if you know this, but crickets don’t make a fuck of a lot of noise iN THE MIDDLE OF THE GODDAMN DAY. Also, why would a “ridge” be in the middle of a fucking valley?

Lol, Sam JUST got finished telling Haley to shut up and Dean starts shouting too.

Bobby taught you guys to track things through the woods but not to look for bear traps? Or wear proper shoes? Idjits.

I wonder how many creatures on the planet can mimick human calls for help. I know there are some who sound like humans crying out when they call out. Peacocks sound fucking possessed. So do coyotes.

Why would you put your bags down in the middle of a crime scene anyway?

Sam busting out the bitchface when he points out they’re hunting a Wendigo.

[munchflix]

MUNCHFLIX - “DEMON” HOUSE

IMDB BLURB: Paranormal investigator and moldy walnut Zak Bagans documents the most authenticated case of possession in American history.

WARNINGS: Zak Bagans is a fucking asshole. Correllation is not causation. Also mentions of suicide and murder. 

RATING: An 8 out of 10 on the demon scale

OBLIGATORY DISCLAIMER: All reviews are done solely for humor and should not be taken seriously ever. If you cannot handle cursing, crude humor and probably some offensive things, pls do not read this. 

Munch: I'm Munchflower Zaius, paranormal movie investigator. I've investigated like 10 terrible paranormal movies this week. I don't have a t.v. show but if I did it wouldn't be a ghost hunting show. I'm one of the leading researchers on ghosts and demonology because if Zak fucking Bagans is then so am I - and this is the movie that really fucked Biscuits up. This movie was the next paranormal activity, it was the next Asylum movie, and I went all out. I had resources like Amazon Prime, a great crew of just Biscuits, I thought I was gonna crush this review. But in the end...nothing was as it seemed.

M: Biscuits fell ill and couldn't leave his room for 8 days, he didn't feel like himself. He screamed and wailed and tore at his hair. (no really ) He drew pictures of Zak Bagans and set them on fire.  I fired him or he quit or something. Witnesses and experts ended up in the hospital and at the heart of it all was a little screwed up ghost hunter. It took us three years to write this review, we had everything we needed...but the truth is...this film is cursed. 

Biscuits: I hate this fucking movie. I have watched some terrible movies, we have reviewed some terrible movies. But this movie...this movie makes me angry beyond words. This movie makes me hate. This movie made me so furious that I not only hate it, I hate Zak Bagans, the man. I have never met him, but if I did, I think I would punch him in the balls. This review is going to be 90% me just screaming, because it makes me that mad. 

M: This is gonna be my fucking opening gif right here...

B: Oh yeah, this - there's a demon here in this fucking Amazon Prime video. He got in with his fucking 30-day free trial. Oooo it's gonna come get us! I'm so scared!!

M: ...

B: Oh, Zak "I-have-a-series-on-the-Travel-Channel" Bagins! Yeah, that makes you a qualified expert demonologist, Zak. "One of the world's LEADING researchers on ghosts and demonology" - no, no you're fucking not! What do you actually know about demons?? Also, let's add the fact that Zak Bagans is a terrible actor, and his monotone narration does nothing to improve the atmosphere of the movie.

B: It took him three years to finish this film, and it still sucks! Way to go buddy, it took us three days to make that potato salad!! THREE DAYS!

B: "This film is cursed!!" Yes it is, this is the curse! It's cursed to make me angry!

M: So spoopy! I'm spooped solid, are you spooped solid? Actually, if I had to say, my spoop level is actually somewhere along the levels of 'explosive diarrhea'.

B: This movie is explosive diarrhea. That's - that's a man whistling into the microphone, subtitled as 'wind whistling'. We are Zak Bagans' therapist for a minute, helping him dissect his dreams. One time I had a dream where I traded my non-existant son for two cool posters. I don't think THAT dream meant anything. Imagine a ghost hunter having dreams about ghosts!

M: Imagine a ghost hunter.

            Pictured: Zak Bagggggans confused by electrical equipment

B: We also introduce the idea of a 12-foot-tall goat man, who never really comes up in the movie again. Is that Orcus himself? Oh shit, this is getting real. I'm not high level enough to fight a demon lord!

M: The demon vaped in my face!

B: "And I knew...this was some serious shit that meant something." I COULDN'T make that shit up. Genuinely. What does it mean, Zak? Would you care to explain? I don't know what does it mean.

B: This movie is NOT actually about the well-known Gary, Indiana story of demon posession. It's mostly about Zak Bagins fucking around.

M: Mentally masturbating himself for being some sort of sick ghost expert. Why would anyone call Zak Bagans about this? I think he made that shit up.

B: So, basically, Zak Bagans bought this house in Gary, Indiana where this alleged possession took place. A newscaster pronounces his name as 'Zak Baggins'. Guys, Bilbo Baggins bought this haunted house! He bought it because he wanted to make a movie about it.

M: Why?

B: To convince everyone that his 'ghost hunting' career is legitimate and he shouldn't have dropped out of college. Useless footage of Zak Bagans convincing some homeless people to move out of this abandoned house. Don't get them involved in this, it looks very cold and they were probably just trying to find a warm place to warm place to stay. Don't get them involved in your shitty fake documentary.

M: Also, if this house is really like, MEGA haunted, why are homeless people hanging out in it? Homeless people ain't got time for ghosts.

B: No, they have real problems. Wow, this fuckin house looks like an empty house! Oh, this is the best part - he gets a text from a psychic medium. a warning he'll 'never forget', and we'll never forget either! He shows us this obviously voice-to-texted message claiming that he saw visions of a very large demon figure and that this house is, and I quote, an '8 out of 10 on the demonic scale'.

                                          Pictured: a demonic scale. 

M: I wanna see this fucking scale. I actually googled demon scale after watching this because I had never heard of a fucking demon scale. Guess what, there's no demon scale. If you have access to this demon scale, PLEASE message me. I have a mighty need to see this thing. 

B: WHAT the fuck is he talking about? Where is this demon scale?? Who made this demon scale?? This bitch just literally fucking made that shit up and thought we wouldn't notice.

M: And again, what exactly does this goat demon have to do with the house? What is the actual connection?

B: Does he just like hanging out there? Also, insert shots of some guy in a goat suit to make it seem scary. But we know that's just a guy in a goat suit. I guess that's what the demon is supposed to look like?

B: This also pisses me off - Zak Bagans and his crew track down this poor family by finding their home address from news footage, which is stalking, because they won't return his phone calls.

B: Also, let's not forget Zak's claim that a clairvoyant said this house was 'home to 200 demons'. WHAT?? Zak recounts some of the story of the family's supernatural experiences. But this is about him now! This movie is about HIM!

            Pictured: I really want to see his artistic rendering of this demon

M: He has about as much reverence for the supernatural as I have for him.

B: Also, they film these people from their car, perhaps as though they didn't want them to know they were being filmed! Good job Zak, stalking an innocent family to record them without their consent for your shitty, self-aggrandizing ghost show. At least they had the decency to blur faces.

B: They then say they don't want to have anything to do with the documentary. Zak Bagans makes up an excuse about how things have attached themselves to him from the house. Just leave these people alone. Problem solved. However, one guy is coerced into talking about what happened during the possession, which mostly affected the kids in the house.

M: I don't discount that something actually happened to the family that lived there, that they may have had some sort of supernatural experience. That's not really what I'm trying to say here - I just don't believe in Zak Bagans.

B: Or, whether it was supernatural or not, something obviously affected them that they perceived as paranormal that made them want to move out of the house. Of course, there are more realistic explanations for many of these experiences, but that's not what we're here to debate. Zak Bagans knows jack shit about parapsychology and is just pretending to for clout.

M: Imaginary clout... Also, these reenactments are the only good part of the movie. Props to those child actors.

     Pictured: children enjoying some fortnite just before becoming possessed.

B: Also, apparently, spirits are like velcro or something. I guess you can get 'infected' with ghosts. Watch out for that coronavirus, of course, but also, watch out for GHOSTS.

B: This priest performed definitely approved and legitimate excorcisms on this house I guess.

M: It's pretty hard to get one of those these days, but what do I know...

B: Yeah, we're not the world's leading experts on ghosts and demonology!

B: Zak Bagans inserts interview footage to make his fake documentary seem legit. If it was a real documentary about the Ammonses' experience, detailing  multiple points of view with people who actually know stuff about supernatural cases and/or parapsycology, it might be a good documentary. However, it is not. Zak Bagans does not know what a documentary is. He thinks he is so cool that he is the only expert necessary because he know EVERYTHING about ghosts.

B: Zak Bagans did not film this. He found footage and has nothing to say about it. He just wants you to believe that he knows stuff. I suppose it's context. But, as I've mentioned, this documentary isn't really about the Ammons family or their experiences in this house, it's about Zak Bagans.

M: All of this is just being set up to try to lend credence to the later part of this movie, which has nothing to do with any of this.

B: Zak Bagans heard someone else was having a demon party and wanted to be invited.

M: It's POSSIBLE, but it's extremely fucking unlikely. Anything is POSSIBLE. You're leading the audience, Zak.

B: Okay, if this was just a horror movie, one of those ones that's 'based ona true story', and Zak wasn't trying to pretend that this is all 100% real, it would be fine. I wouldn't have as much of a problem with it. As it is, it's Zak Bagans trying to convince us all that he's so, so cool. He has found DEFINITIVE proof of demons.

B: Of course it's creepy! It's a basement! It's like saying an attic is creepy - they're ALL creepy.

B: INDISTICT BACKGROUND NOISES??? THAT DON'T EVEN SOUND LIKE A VOICE?? Now we're getting into real ghost shit. While I don't believe Zak Bagans knows shit about ghosts or demons, he obviously has a lot of experience with indeterminate noises.

M: His entire show is indeterminate noises.

B: Ghost hunters LOVE indeterminate noises! Zak Bagans interviews a man about a weird noise on his recording. SO compelling.

B: An AM/FM radio went to static? There can't be any explanation for that other than ghosts... Zak also loves to make claims that he substantiates with NO evidence! It's almost as if he feels the FACTS might not be compelling enough. According to this police officer, the demons affect women and children physically, and 'stronger men electronically'.

M: No input on how it affects the weaker men, though.

B: Also, apparently, the epicenter of this demon outbreak is a spot of dirt under the stairs. Everybody knows dirt is demonic. Demons can't hide in concrete or solid flooring; they like a more naturalistic approach.

B: Aggravate OR abate the demon. Those seem like quite extreme options. Also, listen to the list of super spooky stuff the police officers dug up from the spot under the stairs: a pink press-on nail and PANTIES. Everyone knows a good demonic summoning ritual needs to involve lots of women's panties. VERY spooky. Also, a comb, two children's socks, a heavy bar, and a red tin. All very definitely demonic summoning artifacts and not just random items that got lost.

M: Zak refers to this pile of nonsense as a demonic altar.

                                     Pictured: one demonic altar 

B: This priest is on board too. He thinks these random objects are 100% demonic. Because of reasons. He believes it's NECROMANCY.

M: What does a priest know about necromancy? ...asking for a friend.

B: He knows it involves PANTIES.

M: I've never heard of a necromantic ritual that involves panties...not that I know anything about necromancy.

B: You know more than Zak Bagans does!

M: Ok, I am now an expert on necromancy, and hereby ALL necromantic rituals must involve women's panties...and uhh, a big stick, and a tin, and whatever else you've got laying around.

B: This cop assumed that this was a literal portal to Hell. That's where the panties came from.

M: HELL PANTIES.

B: That would be a great name for like...an all-female metal band. Or a really bad B-movie. Or both.

M: No way those panties could've gotten there any other way...demons is the only logical answer.

   Pictured: Detective Gruszka finally goes to the women’s section at Macy’s

B: THE WALLS WILL OOZE GREEN SLIME! No, wait, that always happens. "Half her hand went completely white" followed by a photo of half of her hand not being completely white.

                                      Pictured: a white person’s hand. 

M: Can I just take a moment again to say how much I don't like Zak Bagans?

B: So many unrelated people...confirmed that there was something on the blinds.

M: Which means...DEMONS ARE REAL! That's the only logical conclusion, right?

B: Insert shot of a spider, because that's SPOOKY.

M: Wow, it must be a lot easier to get an excorcism these days. 

M: Why did Zak Bagans record this phone call?

B: That's a very good fucking question!

M: Did he not? Is he just pulling this shit out of his ass for the camera?

B: His voice is so emotionless you can't tell.

M: Also, what relevance does this have to anything?

B: Big Hollywood producers only want money!! Unlike you, Zak, Zakary, who definitely DIDN'T make THIS movie for money or fame. This nonexistant 'other movie' about this story that is the source of all Zak's problems and DEFINITELY the reason the Ammons don't want to talk to him.

B: The homeless people and the landlord don't believe the house is haunted. That's Zak's version of trying to present a counter-point. Obviously, he never had to write an argumentative essay in school.

M: He was probably the guy in group projects who never did anything.

B: Homeless Person: "Money make you say a whole lotta stuff." Obviously, he's right.

                                   Pictured: no comment needed

B: "I'd like to find out rather the claims are real or false. I'm not here to fabricate nothing or sensationalize on anything..." ZAK.....................................go to hell.

B: You are here ENTIRELY TO fabricate stuff and sensationalize on stuff. That's why you made this MOVIE, Zakary.

M: Gosh it's crazy, it's almost as if money makes people say things.

B: It's almost as if maybe he thought you were paying him to say things for his movie. Did you slip that priest and that police officer some money 'to leave' too? "I'm not gonna tell you that until we sit down and make an agreement" YEAH IT'S ALMOST LIKE HE WANTS MONEY!

M: Zak Bagans is basically damning himself by leaving this in here...this guy's got it figured out, though.

B: He's not telling ghost stories, he's just explaining that this is profitable. Also, Zak does passively mention that there were members of the Ammons family who claim these alleged experiences did not go on. However, he doesn't understand what refuting a counterpoint actually is. It's almost like...he can't. Because, with paranomal shit, there's never enough evidence to truly confirm or deny.

M: "Wow"

B: Wow...insert 'wow' vine here. Oh, and this part where he intentionally brings up a photo he knows is fake and has been definitively debunked. SO, just don't include it!! Also, 'mold and other things' that could've psychologically affected the residents, including carbon monoxide. I have an idea, why don't we make this whole movie about a home inspector inspecting this house...

          Pictured: Munch had the mouse over the screenshot, fuck you. 

M: ALSO, all this shit is just in here to make Zak Bagans SEEM like he's exploring other avenues of explanation, which he then promptly abandons.

B: Zak Bagans has to explain to us (badly) what carbon monoxide and black mold can do to a person psychologically...perhaps causing side effects that can create or enhance the sensation that something supernatural is happening. "It's something to take into consideration." - but he won't.

B: "Some other normal explanation that was now being turned into a money grab." OH. I don't even have anything to say to that. You said it, not me. "Shit got crazy." That's how you know it's legit. Also, we are 32 minutes into this hour-and-a-half long movie, and we are now reaching the point where any sort of legitimacy goes right down the fucking toilet and we are flushed into the festering sewer of Zak Bagans' mind.

B: A family who used to live in the house shows up very conveniently to be in Zak's movie. These kids seem 'very convinced' there are demons. Some mildly supernatural hearsay is presented.

M: Also, point here - if Zak Bagans really believes that spirits can just attach themselves to anyone, then wouldn't he be deliberately endangering these people by taking them down into the basement?

B: An attributed quote that we didn't hear her say...because of course. And, if the basement reminds her of her DEAD BROTHER who used to stay there, that has nothing to do with demons, and is also a perfecty legitimate reason for her to not like going back into the basement after all these years.

                Pictured: A quote that nobody but Zak Biguns heard

M: Zak Bagans then proceeds to TELL THE CHILDREN that he JUST BROUGHT INTO THIS PLACE that demons can 'get inside of you and make you sick'. What, is he immune or something so he's not worried about it happening to him?

B: Also, this woman lived in the house in the 90s when she was only about 10 years old. It's almost as though, and I'm not making any claims here, that he wanted the Ammons family to be in his movie, and when they said no, he got a backup family to take their place in the script.

M: He knows all about possession, 'cause it happened to him.

B: No, for real. I was there. (I was the demon) He started doing ghost hunting because he got possessed once.

M: This is just an excuse for him to tell his origin story. Also, these kids look not on board at all with him being here.

B: Zak Bagans knows how to use Adobe Premiere. He's really proud of it. M: Again, if you believe all this is real, you are genuinely putting these people in danger. If they are legitimately afraid of ghosts following them, you are making it worse. Are you gonna come and save them, Zack?

M: I hate this fake 'EVP analysis' so much. "It SOUNDS like..." yeah, it can sound like anything if you tell people it does.

B: "What's wrong with this boy" is that you TOLD HIM that ghosts could latch onto him! Maybe he's SCARED because YOU SCARED HIM on purpose.

M: Then we get some black-and-white footage of Zak Bagans being a dick, and that's...proof of demons.

B: You pushed this guy a little bit. Honestly, it didn't look like you were pushing him that hard. It's also convenient that you weren't recording at the time but immediately started recording again as soon as you stepped out of the house, because this is all real, and definitely exactly how it happened.

B: These guys have to explain to Zak what he did, so that the audience can also get explained to what happened in the footage they just saw. I don't know anyone could have construed that as anything other than a genuine demonic possession.

M: He's not even a credible actor, like there's nothing believable about these performances. It's such shit. Zak Bagend must leave (for no reason) but then someone tries to break into what he repeatedly calls " My House" as if he lives there. Why would anyone want to break into his jank ass haunted house? This seems really unlikely. Zachhh says the cops won't go in the house. Too scared. Zak says it's " a different kind of haunting." Wtf does that even mean?

M: Zak is now interviewing the CPS worker from the case that this was supposed to be about.

B: Yeah you remember that?

M: No, not anymore. She seems credible, Zak Bagnnnns does not. I really don't believe he believes in any of this.

B: Yeah ask the woman about her emotional trauma, Zak. Ask a CPS worker about her trauma. Be like oh so this was a traumatic experience for you? You should talk about it with me for this shitty documentary!

M: She says her therapist told her to seek help. That's...pretty bad right? When your therapist says to seek help? Now some informative badly edited cards about things that allegedly happened in this house. Why didn't we hear anything from the home inspector who was choked in his sleep and got cancer??? That's some real shit!

                 Pictured: The one guy we really wanted to hear from 

B: This DEFINITELY had everything to do with demons. Demons are the #1 cause of cancer in the United States. They don't want you to know that.

M: Oh the fucking bike ride. On his way to do a second exorcism on Latoya ( why did she need a second exorcism?) this priest fell off his bike. Because demons.

B: Well you know it's not an exact science. I'd go so far as to say it's not science! It's not even science adjacent. Zak Bagel doesn't even know wtf science is.

M: I am literally laughing out loud. This priest says the demon was trying to figure out what would stop him from going forward with this second exorcism and the best thing this fucking demon, this 8 out 10 DEMON ON THE DEMON SCALE DEMON can come up with is knocking a dude off his bike?? Just get back on your bike, man.

B: This is my major problem with this movie, especially this second half. Zak Brainend presenting all this random shit that happened and blaming it on demons. This is the 21st century, we don't blame all our problems on demons. We don't live in the middle ages. This priest falling off his bike wasn't because of demons. 

M Correllation is not causation. This detective fucking slid on ice two days after being in the house and ended up in the ER. That is not because of demons.  Wait...is he interviewing him in the fucking ghost house?

B: And then he brings up him being shot during a home invasion and blames that on demons.

M: So he gets a call from Mika who was part of the backup family to tell him her daughter is in distressl WHY would you call Zak Braggans?

    Pictured: A girl with her face blurred out because I’m not Zak Bagans

B: This pisses me off. If this girl is actually suicidal and actually tried to kill herself, you don't put that in your shitty demon movie. If she's actually depressed and hurting herself you don't put that in there. It's not cool. It's very exploitative. You don't know anything about ths girl's mental illness or anything that's going on in her life. If this is all indeed real and not scripted, you're just a piece of shit!

M: But demons! 

B: Stay out of it Zak, this doesn't involve you. You're not a psychologist or a therapist, it's not your business. 

B: One of his crew members quits. Because of the demons.

M: And not because he thought maybe Zak exploiting a suicidal girl was bad. Where did they find this priest anyway, he seems so sketchy. 

B: I'm also pissed that they brought this suicidal girl in to have an EXORCISM. She needs mental help and therapy and a licensed person to help her. You don't give her an exorcism and go oh you're fine. When the exorcism doesn't work she's going to feel extra shitty. But whatever Zak, it's your fucking movie. You do whatever you want for your movie. Who am I to tell you what you can and can't do with a suicidal teenage girl. 

M: This confirms to me that this priest is sketchy as fuck. If he was reliable he would have said Zak no, this girl needs actual help. Zak is still blaming demons. I hate him so much. I hate his stupid douchebag face. 

B: And he sits here and puts this girl on camera and asks her questions about it. NO NO fuck you, genuinely fuck you Zak. Again, this is exploitative as shit. Trying to make cutting her wrists into being some kind of stigmata. Fuck you. This doesn't have anything with demons.

    Pictured: A religious phenomena usually experienced by the very devout 

M: Why would demons invoke stigmata anyway, that's....not how that works. 

B: It's just feels like Zak Blehgins is exploiting this family and trying to convince them that everything is demons from this house they spent 10 minutes in. Again, it's like he has no idea what he shouldn't do. Nobody thought to ask her about her feelings. If this is real she needs help and not Zak Blahggg asking her questions with a camera in her face. 

M: This poor teenage girl does not want to be in this. Her head drops and they're like OKAY EXORCISM OVER SHE'S FINE. Then Zak's psychic friendo Debbie tries to make contact with the demon remotely. Why? Why would she invite that? Does she wanna hang out?

B: Is she gonna like text the demon? Facebook messenger? How many psychic friends does he have? 

M: Oh she succeeded I guess and it said WHARBLGARBL. And then Debbie was killed in a double murder suicide.

                                           Pictured: Wharblgarble

B: Her husband murdered her and her roommate and if you really cared you would not put this in your goddamn demon documentary. Can you just leave shit like this out of it? Tie your friend's murder into your damn demons. This is why I hate Zak Biguns. He's a fucking manipulative asshole who tries to spin murder and suicide and cancer into his conspiracy theory movie about demons. ANOTHER point, the common thread among all of these stories is YOU, Zak, you could make exactly the same point about you. He also found a Hell is Real sign. Also trying to claim that demonic activity is higher in areas with high crime rates, poverty and murders. 

M: And now some facts about Gary, Indiana. 

B: And also exploiting this poverty stricken predominately black community. A segment where we explore actual problems that this place has. Zak you fucking absolute....

M: Zak is now telling us that like 5 people died there but he can't discount that someone close to the Ammonses might have cursed the house and invited the demons. Like...5 people dying there wasn't enough for you Zak? Zak's gonna go kick Latoya's boyfriend's ass because he thinks he tried to curse them with panties. That's a real thing that's happening. Zak can now tell whether people are into the occult by looking at them. 

B: Another previously unknown superpower. Maybe he has a white savior complex.

M: MAYBE? The boyfriend doesn't wanna talk. Big shock. 

B: What did you think was gonna happen.

M: This guy is a piece of work. Dr. Barry Taff, who holds a doctorate in psychophysiology. ( the study of the relationship between physiological and psychological phenomena, I had to look it up so you get to learn too, bitches ) He's gonna come and see if electromagnetic stuff is causing the demons. But everything is normal so...therefore demons. But there's a spike in the basement. That doesn't mean it's demons though. In fact, it would seem to indicate the opposite.

B: This happens on a lot of ghost hunting shows. I'm not sure what your weird electromagnetic shit has to do with ghosts but..?

                     Pictured: Zak Bagans realizing he’s a huge idiot

M: Now Zak has to go walk off again. He's being really affected by these demons. Weren't there supposed to be like 200 demons here or something? Doesn't this really do more to explain that demons aren't real? 

Z: Zak Braggins is a superconductor. He also seems genuinely surprised by what this guy is telling him.

M: That's because he doesn't understand science. Something causes him to lunge at the doctor, which is totally believable.

B: He just got mad the guy wasn't telling him it was demons. Fuck you and your science! The doctor hears a dog. Everyone knows demons bark like dogs. You said it was  goat man, why does it bark like a dog? 

M: So much footage of dudes just walking around supposedly being affected. Might be the carbon monoxide they actually detected earlier? Or the black mold?

   B: I love this part! This is fucking great. Footage of this guy walking around and then the cameraman's finger gets in the shot. It totally doesn't look exactly like what happens when you put your finger in front of the lens. Totally.

M: It's demons, obviously. The black anomaly. It's a fucking finger. They're just filming this dude walking around who seems to be ill and claiming he's touching the anomaly and shit. Take this dude to the fucking doctor. 

B: They take it to some NASA dude who enhances it and says there's no way it's the cameraman's finger. I still don't believe it's not the cameraman's finger. Oh shit, I just realized...I have fingers!

M: It might be a dick. 

B: If this cameraman and the doctor both feel faint, maybe you should just get out of the house!

M: This literally sounds like carbon monoxide poisoning which can cause nauseau, headaches, confusion, memory loss and literally every other thing except bad acting. Adam the cameraman wanders off and they find him in the basement. He later apparently starts VOMITING BLOOD??? Take this boy to the hospital! He starts screaming Zak in a weird voice so they decide to film it, natch.

                                  Pictured: Criminal negligence

B: Zak....zaaaaaaaaak i need to go to the hospital....this seems like negligence. M: Now they've lost him. Lots of footage of Adam being really aggressive for no reason. Nobody is concerned any longer about his vomiting blood. Something is wrong with this dude and you assholes are filming him. Adam wants to go to the house because of reasons that I'm sure are 100 percent legit. Maybe he's just tired of being in this shit ass movie with these shit ass friends. Zak says this is the scariest thing he's ever seen in his life. 

B: This movie is the scariest thing I've ever seen in my life.

M: I honestly love the Adam bit. It's so fake. This dude is just being a dick on camera and Zak is like IT'S OBVIOUSLY DEMONS. Dr. Taff has a loud noise in his ear later on that wakes him up.

B: He's literally explaining exploding head syndrome. I have this, I know what it is. Characterized by loud noise you suddenly imagine just before you fall asleep, and can also occur as you wake up in the night. Google it. Also not caused by demons!

M: He wakes up with blood in his ears. Go to the hospital! 

B: Or he had a stroke, or an aneurysm. 

M: Meanwhile...Adam is getting interviewed instead of going to the hospital for barfing up blood. Adam doesn't wanna be on tape but they tape him secretly because they're fucking assholes. Adam says you know what I said bruh and Zak is like omfg the goatman. 

Pictured: It’s hard to find good images because this movie is also badly badly filmed and it’s just shitty creepy shots and then Zak talking.

B: It wants you, Zak, you're the leader of the bunch. 

M: Adam has a fucking aura of freezing air and EMF around him but we don't get to see any of the instruments they're using to record that.

B: These are obviously some very trustworthy guys. 

M: They are filming him without his consent.

B: Seems to be a recurring theme. 

M: Dr. Taff finally gets to a fucking hospital where his organs are shutting down. Like every single one of them. He mentions infection in his prostate.

B: I don't think his organ failure is best explained by demons. He has a severe medical problem. 

M: All these people he's saying got sick and NOBODY fucking went to a hospital? 

B: No..my dude...you are sick. You have a medical problem, not demons. M: Oh and now Adam has been removed from the crew because he's being weird and violent. They try to get him help but Adam refuses. I think Adam just got sick of their shit. 

B: They had to make something up. 

M: You have anything you wanna say here before Zak boards himself up in the house...alone...overnight?

B: Have fun, big guy.

M: Zakkkk " I know this sound stupid..."

B: It IS stupid. You set yourself up for that one. We're gonna have a sleepover with the demons! Pictured...the tiny penis in it's natual habitat.

M: This part is so fucking dumb. It's just....deeply deeply dumb.

B: They also moved in furniture so Zak can be comfy with the demon. And then... nothing happened. Lots of shots of absolutely nothing happening. I feel like I'm watching Paranormal Activity

M: Except stuff happened in that. Now in fast forward. Zak takes off his coat. 

                Pictured: the horror of seeing Zak Bagans undress

OOH SPOOKY. Nothing is happening. At all. He sits down and checks his phone so we can learn he doesn't wanna do lights out. Why? Nothing is happening.  He just keeps opening doors. What is Sebastian? I'm arranging matches. He makes sures the door is locked. 

B: Make sure the audience knows he's boarded up in there. You so brave. So big dick macho brave. You did this, Zak. Zak is scared of the dark. It's okay. It's natural.

M: I don't know why he's bitching. He orchestrated this. OOH LIGHTS OUT. NIGHT VISION ON. NOTHING IS HAPPENING. 

B: This part also feels like the intro to some weird night vision demon porno, he's just walking around with a camera.

M: That would at least be interesting. Nothing is happening at all. We just keep getting time cuts to more nothing happening. Finally they will decide this is too much nothing happening and make up some shit.

B: It's almost like shit's really boring when Zak doesn't have people around to help him make up shit. Hey did you guys hear a sound? No. 

                                                Pictured: Lies

M: 4:51 am. When will this end? How much more nothing happening does the audicence need. And not to put too fine a point on it...but this house is the DEMON HOUSE. Supposedly haunted by over 200 demons and a goat-man and also an 8 out of 10 on the demon scale, and NOTHING IS HAPPENING. 

M: Zak is getting a headache. Probably because of carbon monoxide. There's an obviously faked goat-ish noise. Zak tells it to get away because that's gonna work. Shoo, demon. 

          Pictured: A man gets mouthy while backed against a wall in fear

B: He sounds very sincere. Back the fuck up, man. Why do these dudes always try to get all up in the demon's face? Fuck you, demon. Maybe the demon just thinks you're rude. He was just trying to say hi.

M: A title card pops up to say that Zak Bagans witnessed a dark mass come out of the wall. There's cameras literally fucking everywhere but we don't get to see that.

B: Water water everywhere but not a drop to drink.

M: Now his eyes hurt. Which makes him yell and knock shit over

. B: Can you imagine how we feel in quarantine? He develops diplopia. Double vision. 

M: It's not that serious, Zak. Doctors can't figure out what caused it. This does not mean it was caused by fucking demons. We get updates on Kevin who apparently caught a demon from Zak. Adam went goth. 

B: Adam got tattoos and we looked him up and he makes horror movies and shit now. He just looks like a metalhead. I wanna say something here again about Dr. Taff and his diplopia. He's acting like doctors not knowing the cause of something is rare. It is not. Anyone with chronic health issues can tell you that. Tests and doctors are not infallible and it's often hard to diagnose things even if they're severe. 

M: Speaking as someone with chronic health issues, this is the case more often than not. The house has not taken a toll on you people you fucking walnut. 

B: We get a long list of correlation is not causation. 

M: So Zak decides to bulldoze the house, thus freeing the demons loose in the world to do their dark dark bidding. 

B: Or something. My theory is that he bulldozed the house so nobody could go back there and his investigation would be the FINAL word on the matter, like so he could be the ultimate authority on this case and nobody could come back and try to contest him...or try to profit off of these events after him.

M: Closing thoughts?

B: Zak Briggins seems like a complete douche. When you start the movie he's just some guy who hunts ghosts and thinks he knows things. But as it goes on, you see he's also very exploitative and manipulative and not a good guy! He takes advantage of people's deaths and mental issues and health problems to further his demon agenda. In conclusion, fuck you Zak Bagans. 

M: Zak claims that even tho the house is gone, the cops keep calling to tell him to tell him people are doing satanic rituals at the site on the regular. Why would the cops even call him for that? There's no house there. I call bullshit. On ALL of this. This story IS cursed, man. Don't expose yourself or your loved ones to the horrors of Demon House. 

B: I call bullshit on there being producers on this movie.

M: That's fair. I miss Ghost Hunters.

[ichigo777666]

FE3H Characters Ranked

My opinions of all the main characters in FE3H ranked from worst to best in my opinion. These are MY opinions! Spoilers ahead, obviously.

*NOTES*

This does not include any of the DLC characters. This also does not include the following characters since they have limited dialog / appearances within the game: Gwendal, Pallardo, Duke Aegir, Anna, Lambert, Ionious, Metodey, Kostas, Holst, Macuil, and Indech. Any other characters who are only mentioned by name are also not included. And Byleth is also not on this list due to being the player’s character.

Everyone else included in this list has a few interactions or mentions in multiple ending paths so they’re fair game. Not having a lot of interactions is not going to affect placement that much so don’t be surprised if some major characters wind up low on the list…

*The PIT*

Aka the worst of the worst. The characters I would throw into the void.

#54 – Leonie

I absolutely hate this character so much. Her personality is so flat and grating that she drives me up a wall. Her character can be summed up in two words “loves Jeralt” – that’s it. Just about everything about Leonie revolves around impressing Jeralt or being like Jeralt or doing this because of Jeralt ect. I don’t care if she’s useful as a playable character – every time she opens her mouth I cringe. Her support which is only available after Jeralt dies in which she berates you for “not appreciating him enough” is just the epitomny of selfishness. Then PTS she basically turns herself into a second Jeralt, replicting his outfit as best she can and giving herself his title “the blade breaker” and adds a 2. Excuse you, but is ANYONE can call themseleves that it’s Byleth, aka Jeralt’s child, not YOU. But she doesn’t care and does it anyway...

#53 – Rodrigue

Oh boy this is going to be a very unpopular opinion but in terms of a character, Rodrigue is kind shit. Rodrigue earns this spot for being the shittiest living parent in the game. His eldest son Glenn dies and his comment on that is how “he died like a true knight”. His first emotional response is pride not remorse. He never mentions how much he loved him or how he misses him: just how proud he was of him… And this pisses off poor Felix. Felix whom gets left ALONE after this happens because Rodrigue decides he’s got to be Dimitri’s mentor / guardian. So he basically straight up abandons his grieving 13 year old son to be the new father figure of the prince. Dimitri was more important to him that his own child. We can all see what the impact of this was on Felix through the game. And then, in Azure Sky, when Rodrigue joins you as a “mentor” character, he lacks all balls. Dimitri is going crazy and acting like a psychopath and Rodrigue doesn’t even really try to do anything about that – he just stands aside and comments on how he’s “changed”. I mean FRICK MAN – your were his guardian, his mentor. TALK TO HIM! But NOOOOOOO! So yeah, Rodrigue sucks!

#52 – Lord Lonato

Speaking of shit parents, here’s another for you! Yes, Lonato was kind enough to allow Ashe and his siblings to live with him, which is the oddest decision ever considering this came about after Lonato caught Ashe sneaking into his castle to steal from him. “I’ll just adopt this thief child”. Despite that act of kindness, he also chose to not tell Ashe the truth about what happened to his son Christophe; that Christophe was not involve with the Duscar incident but rather had been a part of a plot to try and kill Rhea. Lonato could not bring himself to believe that his son was wrong or had done anything wrong. Despite the fact that his son had decided, for whatever reason, to try and kill someone, Lonato thought that this was okay. He then sacrificed himself for the sake of trying to avenge his true son instead of continuing to care for the children he’d taken in. He basically took Ashe & his siblings in, giving them security for the first time in years, then chooses to follow his only wrong beliefs and thus put Ashe & his siblings back into the world again. He gave them 7 years of security and this just went “oh well, you’re on your own again”.

#51 – Gilbert /  Gustave

And rounding out the “shit parents” section of the list, we have the father that literally abandons his daughter and wife due to own depression. He’s totally alive and out there but just can’t bring himself to give a crap about either or write them any letters. Nope, he’s caught up in his head that he wasn’t there during the tragedy of Duscar, of how he “should have arrived sooner”. I mean, really? It is in now way his fault just because he’s a knight. He wasn’t supposed to be there and he’s got guilt that he wasn’t there? Seriously man?! And then when he finally does reunite with Annette all he does is push her away. Instead of letting Annette decide whatever she wants to be around him again, he chooses for her and denies her attempts to reconnect with him. Yeah, shit father…

*The Bottom of the Barrel*

These characters are bad. They’re not absolute utter garbage like the PIT characters, but they still are awful.

#50 – Dimitri

Yeah, I don’t like Dimitri. What is there to like about this guy? He was traumatized as a teenage when his dad was killed in-front of him and that changed him into a survival-guilt ridden bloodthirsty killer? Jeez, it honestly feels like someone tried to ft a whole bunch of tropes into one cohesive character and failed massively. The whole “brooding” phase in Azure Sky where he’s basically a tantrum throwing 5 year old only makes him worse. Also, I still don’t understand WHY he immediately jumped to the whole “Edelgard is the one who killed my parents” conclusion. The entire Duscar incident had nothing to do with Edelgard, unless Dimitri thinks a teenager with no power could do that. And, if he’s blaming the Empire, why does that extend to Edelgard who was just a princess at the time? I could see if something like the FE was present and that’s why he went crazy after Edelgard but I’m pretty sure the FE didn’t exist back then… so WTF? This is like “my parents were killed by a drunk driver. Hey you, unrelated person who just learned to drive this year, you are drunk therefore I HATE YOU – you killed my parents!” Really, no. NO.

#49 – Acheron

He has a minor role only but you fight him twice and you can get some background from Lorenz. He’s annoying and I guess he’s designed to be so. I don’t like him much. But he’s not as annoying as Dimitri.

#48 – Cyril

Oh Cyril. He’s such an annoying character. He’s a more toned down version of Leonie with his obsession with Rhea. He’s a bit of a jerk during his support conversations and he’s dismissive of his homeland. I think his supports with Seteth best show what Cyril’s all about: he’s devoting himself to repaying Rhea without thought for anything else, even his own future. He has no ambitions and no desires….how can a character be so bland?

#47 – Hannerman

And the obsessive one. ‘Obsession with Crests’ is just the only phrase you need to describe Hannerman. While I can understand why Hannerman as a character wants to research crests, the way he goes about it is just wrong. He hounds Lysithia w/o realizing why she’s avoiding his questions until she basically has to spell out WHY she’s uncomfortable with talking about it. He’s been hounding Seteth for 21 years about his crest and Flayn’s too. 21 fricking years of bothering someone and he can’t understand the answer “no”.

#46 – Arundel

Yeah, he’s a piece of shit but at least he’s interesting. He’s Edelgard’s uncle and yet he basically allowed her to be experimented on. Why? Who knows? He’s associated with TWSITD but why? Power? Conquest? He’s mysterious. His personality “suddenly changed” leaving the option open that he was replaced and the Arundel that exists now is a fake. He’s intriguing but he’s still a piece of crap.

#45 – Dedue

Oh Dedue. I feel like Dedue is stuck playing the “victim” card but without looking for sympathy. He’s from Duscar so everyone looks down on him...and Dedue just takes it. He doesn’t try to defend himself or say that just because he’s from Duscar doesn’t mean he’s evil. He does nothing to try and change anyone’s opinions – he’s content to just sit and take it. But then he talks about wanting to have the world move past the tragedy….so which is it Dedue? In order to have it change, you need to actually DO SOMETHING!!!!

#44 – Thales

The weakest character of the main three. The game tells you almost nothing about Thales...and then you go and read the wiki and find out he’s Arundel….yeah mind telling us that game?! So he’s higher than Arundel.

#43 – Nemesis

Another evil character with no personality or real background. Why did he start his rampage? Was he manipulated or just evil? Who knows….

#42 – Judith

Judith has such a small role unless you’re playing VW. And in VW she’s a bit of a bitch who treats Claude as a misbehaving child even after he proves himself again and again.

#41 – Nader

AKA the Alymrian general you meet briefly in VW and in CF. He’s in for less than a few minutes and he appears to be jolly/happy and has the rep of being an undefeated general. I guess he’s alright. But with no real role I can’t bring myself to feel anything for him

#40 – Annette

When I first played I was on the fence with Annette. I sorta liked her determination and her drive to reunite her family. But then her singing started...and oh boy do I hate her singing. So many of her supports center around that annoying singing! Just STOP already, please! Also WTF is that blue “tab” in her PTS redesign that’s right on her butt? It’s the only one...

#39 – Ferdinand

Ferdinand’s personality is just...annoying. From his meme’d battle line to his constant talk of “being a noble” he just grates my nerves. And why does he act like this? Because his father is not and he’s trying to not be like his father and be a “good person”….

*The Low-End*

These characters are “eh” characters. They’re aren’t too good or too bad...but they lean more towards bad than good.

#38 – Kronya / Monica

This was an interesting idea. I just wish she had been more involved or usable. Like if you’re playing BE house, she becomes a playable member. Something to endear her a bit more other than “this other random character you rescued who acts suspiciously”. Let’s face it, we all knew something was up with her. And then she’s killed off so easily and quickly...

#37 – Cornelia

Okay, she’s a bit interesting and a manipulator. They weren’t afraid to give her an “ugly face”. She’s a schemer and not afraid to flaunt her assets to give her an advantage.

#36 – Alois

Eh. Alois. Loves jokes, very loyal. I guess he’s alright but he’s not spectacular and some of the jokes and just so so so so so so bad.

#35 – Ashe

Ashe is another character that I think lacked development. I mean he just gained a slight bit of confidence and purpose but he’s not one for much change. His personality over all is a bit bland: he likes stories about knights and is worried about his siblings. Oh and he used to be a thief.

#34 – Jeritza

Bland because he’s meant to be bland. His other personality is typical “killer knight”. What saves Jeritza is his support conversations where you get background and you realize why he’s the way he is.

*The Middle Ground*

These characters are right in the middle. Not great but not awful.

#33 – Ladislava

In every ending except CF, you only get to see her once but in CF you can chat with her and learn more about her. She’s the head of Edelgard’s person guard and its heavily implied she had next to nothing before this appointment. She’s fully loyal to Edelgard, even willing to die for her cause.

#32 – Flame Emperor

I listed this character separate since FE is an enigma. I actually liked the design of the FE and the whole mystery surrounding them.

#31 – Manuela

I’m...ambivalent about Manuela. She’s a drunken whiner at time and other time she turns into something sweet and reliable. She’s so worried about her age but she’s NOT that old. It’s a bit trope-y though...to have an older character all concerned about her age.

#30 – Jeralt

Jeralt’s a good dad character albeit a flawed one too. It’s a shame they didn’t give him any support conversations to flesh him out more. As it is most of what we learn about Jeralt comes from others.

#29 – Sothis

I don’t hate Sothis like most. She’s a bit bratty, yes but look at from her way – she’s got no memories, no recollections, and has found herself somehow stuck with this person. She tries to help out Byleth best she can, even if it sometimes leads to near disaster.

#28 – Gatekeeper

A nice wholesome character who always wants to help out and be useful. He’s a nice guy but suffers from lack of characterization.

#27 – Mercedes

First off, I dislike the “breathy” quality of her voice. She’s a very nice girl and very kind...but that’s about all there is to Mercedes...

#26 – Raphael

Ah, the big guy who loves to eat. He’s overprotective but not too overprotective of his little sister. He’s strong, interested in his muscles, and in getting stronger but it’s because he’s shouldering the responsible of taking care of his sister. Still he’s a bit trope-y.

#25 – Lindhardt

Lindhardt make up your dang mind! He talks about wanting to study crests but when he’s offered by two separate people to do just that he complains about how he’s being “tied down”. Really? His laziness and sleepiness also gets tired after a while.

#24 – Ignatz

Ignatz is a character who shows a lot of growth and goes from having no confidence in what he wants to do to finding his path. However Ignatz remains a pushover who gives in to whatever anyone advises even when he knows its wrong. It takes a long, long, long time for Ignatz to learn to have any say in himself...which is why he’s down here.

#23 – Solon

The most developed of the three main TWSITD characters. I feel his reveal as Tomas was ruined by the poorly executed Monica / Kronya earlier. However he was unexpected. Who expects the librarian? It would have been better if they didn’t have him as “suspect” in the whole Flayn is missing part through.

#22 – Randolph

You only really get to know Randolph in CF although he’s got a minor part in AS where we see that he truly cares for his sister and how he feels he must do this, even if he risks dying. In CF, we get to learn more about Randolph. He’s actually a step-uncle to Caspar through his mother marrying into the family. He has no power or clout so everything he earns is done by action. It’s a shame they killed him off so early.

#21 – Caspar

Caspar is a good character in several ways. He’s not depressed about not being the heir to his house and is motivated to find his own way. He knows he’s flawed and in his supports he tries to change only to learn that he’s better off following his own path. It’s his boisterous yelling and charging headfirst into danger is what I don’t like about him.

*The High Side*

These are characters I like. They’re not the best but I like them and can understand them.

#20 – Hilda

Ah Hilda. Hilda’s one of those characters that surprise you. Hilda starts off being this lazy character who doesn’t want to battle and doesn’t want to do chores. Not because she can’t do them, but just because she’s lazy. You see her trying to get out of things in her supports only to either feel guilty or wind up helping someone learn something. But I think where Hilda shines is in VW where she acts as Claude’s “advisor” and some of Claude’s best plans come from suggestions from Hilda. By then she’s come into her own. I also enjoy Hilda’s C support with Seteth greatly where he just lists all the excuses she’s given flat out as Hilda gets more and more nervous.

#19 – Claude

Claude made it up here due to his unprediacbility. Some of his plots/schemes are downright hillarious. Claude is unashamed of who he is and where he comes from – he knows who he is and who he wants to become. And, in a game riddled with characters who struggle with that very issues, Claude’s a bit of a breath of fresh air.

#18 – Fleche

Ah Fleche. She’s a very minor character but she’s got such an impact on the story in AM – this is what path we’re going to discuss. We first meet Fleche when she’s talking with Randolph, her brother, right before Randolph heads out on a mission that will ultimately end with his death. Instead of doing the typical thing for a young girl which is to cry, Fleche goes ‘nah’ and decides to take revenge. She disguises herself as a “maiden” and goes to try and join the Kingdom Army; she’s allowed to by Dimitri. Fleche bides her time and waits until after a big battle and then straight up goes and tries to murder Dimitri. She actually stabs him once and barely fails in her task of killing him. Against Dimitri, one of the strongest characters... a little girl.. Yeah, Fleche is kinda badass.

#17 – Miklan

Okay, so here’s another good sympathetic villain character. Miklan was born with no crest so he was looked down upon by his family. He was the first child however so his family kept him...at least until his brother Sylvain was born with a crest. Then Milan became “garbage” and useless in the eyes of his family and thus was disinherited. He lashed out against his brother multiple times. With no one on his side, Milkan became the leader of a group a bandits and began taking things he wanted, things he felt he should have had, by any means necessary. He later stole the heirloom lance from his family, intent of keeping it and its power for himself. While it’s true Miklan is not a nice person at all, more like a sadist, the reason he became that way was due the treatment of his family.

#16 – Dorothea

I am in the camp of the very few who like Dorothea’s second outfit better than her first – that dress is boss. Some of her supports are downright sweet and her interactions with Ingrid in their paralogue are just adorable. I love how we get to see so many different sides of Dorothea and how she treats each of her aquantinces with the side of herself that’s most appropiate.

#15 – Shamir

The silent Shamir. Unlike so many characters who talk and talk and talk, Shamir only speaks when necessary until she gets close to someone. Her skills are top-knotch, which is showcased in her supports. Her personality is a reflection of her work and the kind of jobs she does as well as her way of protecting herself. She’s mysterious and deadly.

#14 – Rhea

Oh Rhea. I’m often torn in the way I feel about her, going from understanding to becoming frustrated with her within the span of a single conversation. Her desire to see her mother is what drives everything she does – every single thing. She is 100% committed to trying to reach her goal, no matter the cost, and she’s been at it for almost an eon. Outside of that goal, what she’s doing she truly believes is the right thing. She’s trying to guide people towards the right path and away from conflict. She lets no one truly into her innermost thoughts, not even Seteth, and her emotions are all sequested away, so much so that when they do come out it becomes obvious. I mean, for anyone who thinks she’s nuts, let’s take a look at some of the trauma she’s gone through. Her beloved mother, whom she obviously cared for more than anything, was murdered and her body was used to make a weapon. Said weapon was then used to slaughter the vast majority of her brethern who were then in turn alos turned into weapons to be used to kill. She had to then fight the man who had killed her mother to reclaim what’s left of her body and to stop any more pointless killing. Yeah, Rhea’s had it rough.

#13 – Marianne

Ah, sweet Marianne. It was great to watch her change and grow based on her supports with the other characters. Her caring nature towards the animals, espcially the horses, was lovely – she even knows the names of a few of them (the only one to refer to the horses by name). I like how her PTS outfit reflects the changes she’s overcome – even the subtly of making her hair neater.

#12 – Catherine

Badass female knight with a legendary sword. She’s brash, not lady-like, and not afraid of anything really. The way she rushes into combat w/o a though for danger, the fact that she doesn’t try and hide her past from the person whom it affects the most, and her way of testing people. Catherine’s great.

#11 – Hubert

Juts missing the top 10 is loyal Hubert. I’ll admit I didn’t like Hubert at first but he grew on me bit by bit. Hubert’s S-Support with Byleth is like the cutest thing ever – I was not expecting it at all. This is loyalty done in a good way.

*The Summit*

The best characters in the game, IMO. These are the characters I love!

#10 – Petra

I got to admit, I like her not-perfect talking. That’s so much of Petra’s charm. Adding to that is how Petra’s always trying her best and trying to advance herself. She has modest goals she wishes to reach and doesn’t try and sell herself as better than she is. She’s always willing to learn and to help others. When there’s someone with a different opinion, Petra tries to understand why they feel the weay they feel and to try and find common ground.

#9 – Lysithia

Oh poor girl. Lysithia struggles with others seeing her as a child or too childish due to the fact that she’s younger than most of the students. She’s incredibly intellegent and throws herself into her studies. Both of these things lead to others teasing her, either playfully or actually. Instead of taking it stride, this ‘teasing’ causes her temper to show and erupt. She can’t tell them WHY she’s trying so hard, why she’s so desperate to achieve cause that would reveal her secret. She’s burrying all this hurt and anger deep inside that she can’t talk about because can understand what she went through (except perhaps Edelgard). And even though she knows she’s going to likely die soon, she’s not focused on her own life: she’s doing all she’s doing to try and help her family...

#8 – Sylvain

Sylvain quickly became one of my favorite blue lion boys. At first glance he looks like this degenerate womanizer...and then you learn abut him and why Sylvain is why he is. His father views him as a studhorse and that his crest is the only good thing about him; his father literally cannot see Sylvain as an actual person, just a way to further the family. Having a father like this and a brother who hates him for having been born with a crest has greatly shaped Sylvain. In order to have some semblence of himself, Sylvain began to act out, to do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING he could to not be what he was supposed to be. His father wanted a noble son; Sylvain did everything he could to not be that. This got him into trouble again and again but Sylvain didn’t care. Sylvain is willing to do things that make others look down upon him if it helps him try and escape from his life...

#7 – Bernadetta

Aw, Bernie. Bernie’s such a good girl. Based on what she went through, it’s amazing she’s even sane. Her father’s idea of parenting was tying her to a chair and forcing her to remain quiet and submissive for hours, to “teach her to be a good wife” which is the reason she turned into such a nervous wreck of shut-in. He resorted to beating to near death a boy she made friends with because he was a commoner, which terrified Bernie into not wanting to make friends at all. Bernie’s mom seemed to have a little sense and smuggled her out but this is only AFTER she allows this stuff to go on for years – YEARS. Bernie’s had years of psycological trama inflicted on her and then she gets thrust into a school surrounded by people whom she has to interact with. The poor thing. It’s a testament to her professors and friends to see how far Bernie has come; to watch her change and grow as she slowly comes around to adjusting to normality.

#6 – Ingrid

There is something incredibly entertaining about a lady knight who loves to gorge herself on food. Loving eating food is generally a character trait you see on guys (typically big guys like Raphael) so to see it on a chick is a good change of pace. Her whole no-nonsense strict attitude is a great contrast to that. She’s not girly or into very lady-like things such as dresses or makeup or tea parties. Ingrid is a guy’s soul in a girl’s body….and she’s amazing.

#5 – Felix

If you haven’t read the entry for Rodrigue (he’s #53 on this list) go read that first. After all that shit that Felix’s gone through, it’s amazing he’s even still standing and capable. He’s stewing with anger and grief that he’s never been able to work through and it manifests as anger and his stand-off attitude. Poor freaking Felix.

#4 – Flayn

Fishy Queen. I do not get the hate for Flayn. She’s been horribly oversheleted by Seteth in his attempts to protect her so it’s left Flayn a bit naive. Flayn’s usually very cheery and happy which is a bright light in the depressing war times. She’s also a quite capable mage, mainly with healing magic but she can also learn a good bit of reason magic too. Flayn is always trying her best while trying to fit in with the others – she’s over 1000 years old, mind you! It can’t be easy trying to fit in when you don’t understand and when a vast majorirty of those years were spent asleep. She was involved in an ancient battle where she was badly injured (Seteth blames it on her being too young) and requires sleep inorder to heal. Meanwhile everyone else she knew and lived with aside from Seteth was killed. She wakes up an everything she knew and just about everyone she knew is just...gone. Not only her beloved mother but any friends she had too are just gone. It’s no wonder she fears falling asleep when this is what happened. Her obession with fish? It’s Flayn’s coping mechanism for dealing with the loss of her mother. Flayn explains on numerous occassions that she spent lots of time sitting with her mother while she fished and that fish is her favorite food due “to no small part” of this pastime. Fishing and eating fish is Flayn’s way of remembering her mother and dealing with the fact that she’s no longer with her. Flayn’s supports are just great; they all develop her personality more. With Dimitri and Dedue, Flayn’s cooking is explored. Flayn can’t cook although she tries her best. With Dedue, Flayn tries to learn to cook better. With Dimitri, Flayn expresses her disdain that no one enjoys her cookings and how this wastes food, even when she tries her best. Obviously Flayn never cooked before – her mother did most of it. Now there’s no one in her family to cook so Flayn’s trying to learn to try and follow in her mom’s footsteps. With Ignatz and Manuela, Flayn’s exploring things she never has seen or done before: the opera for Manuela and paintings with Ignatz. In Claude’s and Lindhardt’s supports, Flayn sidesteps questions about her heritage and her crests. With Sylvain, we see how Flayn grows and learns to not trust the rumors others say. In Felix’s, she’s trying to help Felix find a purpose after the war ends that still allows him to use his sword. With Raphael’s it’s Flayn who’s being helped by Raphael as she tries to “grow stronger”; she even mentions how she’s frail and how this worries Seteth. And then there’s Ferdinand’s supports where it’s clear Flayn’s been starved of physical affections aside from Seteth. And their supports, between Seteth and Flayn, are a great progression between the two...Overall, I love little Flayn.

#3 – Lorenz

I like noble boy. I will admit, I hated his schooldays haircut with a burning passion...and then man on man did he become HOT pts. Winner of the best boy glow-up. A lot of Lorenz’s character flaws are the fault of his father. His father taught him that all that is important is being nobility and Lorenz ate it up, not knowing any better. His father instilled into him how he neeed to find a wife to further the family’s influence and thus how she must be a noble. This worked so well on Lorenz to the point that he willing to even give up someone he loves if they happen to be a commoner. Lorenz spends a lot of time trying to ‘interview’ girls to find his perfect noble bride, coming off as a bit on an ass – even when he’s confronted by Byleth he refuses to believe he’s done anything wrong since this is what his father taught him to do. It takes a long time until Lorenz starts seeing that he is wrong that what his father taught him is wrong. He starts using his own head and his own eyes to determine what is instead of using the opinion blasted into him by his father. He’s always trying to help other, feeling it’s his obligation as a noble to help those around him, which is a quality that he alone seems to take seriously (despite the school being filled with nobles). He originally dislikes Claude cause he believes that Claude isn’t taking his responsibility as the next Alliance head seriously since Claude is so laid back. He eventually comes to see that, despite appearances, Claude is working on the issues and is capable. His S support with Byleth where he mentions how he has "worked tirelessly to improve" "to become a man truly worthy of (Byleth)" and then is uttely shocked if Byleth tells him he already was worthy shows how dedicated he can be. With Ignatz, he instills confidence in him, seeing talent in Ignatz for art and talking about how there is more to knighthood than combat. His poetry writing comes out with Manuela’s supports and he convinces Hilda through actions to actually throw herself into battle. But I think his best supports are with Marianne. The vast majority of her supports are the others telling her to “be more confident” or “smile more” or other such things where they give her advice on how to improve...but Lorenz is the only one who comes to see that nothing needs to change. He starts by complementing her and then commenting on how she “needs polish” only to realize he was wrong and state she is “becautiful just the way she is”, accepting her fully for who she is without looking to change a thing. He is, essentially, telling her she is perfect the way she is and she doesn’t need to change at all for him to love her...which I find just so utterly sweet.

#2 – Edelgard

Edel gets a lot of hate but I honestly love her character so much. Edelgard is a doer not someone who sits by and does nothing. Due to things outside of her (and her father’s) control, she would up the victim in an experiment, a experiment that killed all of her siblings. Edelgard alone survived although at a cost. That experience forever changed her. Gone was the child and in her place rose Lady Edelgard. Unlike Lysithia who is dealing with her similar situation by trying to provide for her family before her time runs out, Edelgard isn’t. Her goal is the destruction of the circumstances that caused the experiment as well as those who caused the experiment to happen upon her so that this cannot happen again to anyone else. Since the experiment were done to give crests and since Edelgard has obviously seen how some children are treated whent hey have / do not have one, she aims to destroy all of that. Edelgard is literally stomping her foot down and saying ‘no, this isn’t a good or fair system and I’m not going to stand around and let it continue’. She’s willing to sacrifice everything to attain this goal, even if it turns her into a monster or ends in her death. Instead of waiting for the world to change, Edelgard decides to BE the change. She knows she’s going to be responsible for the deaths of a lot of people and she clearly struggles with the idea of this but in the end she decides that if she does nothing than that number will be greater so she persists. She burries her desire for friends and for love because she can’t bring herself to trust or rely on others – her father loved her but couldn’t protect her; the nobles in her father’s court are resonsible for hurting her too. They had her trust and they betrayed it. Her heart has been broken already; I don’t think she wants to risk it breaking again by trusting someone who will betray her, by making friends who can abandon her, by falling in love with someone who doesn’t understand what she’s doing. In CF when you side with Edelgard, you get to see more of that emotion slowly come out. Think on the PTS reunions: Dimitri was in disbelief and then apathetic that Byleth was alive; Claude was slightly surprised but then glad; Edelgard though broke down. Edelgard was the only one to get so emotional over Byleth’s return – someone she had trusted whom had returned that trust wasn’t dead after all; there wasn’t another corpse to add to the pile of people she cared for. And in that final animatic where Byleth falls – she’s clearly so upset. She’s crying, clearly devistated. Devistation which turns into laughter when Byleth revives because she can’t believe it. I stand by my opinion that Crimson Flower is the canon ending for FE3H. It’s the only ending where the endings song is different; all 3 other paths have the same song “Edge of Dawn” but not CF – you get something different. Add to that that EoD is sung by Edelgard. And let’s not forget the symbolism. The game is Fire Emblem. What’s a fire emblem? Crest of Flames. Who posess this crets out of the main cast: Byleth & Edelgard. And in CF you unite. Also notice the same letters. Crimson Flower (CF) & Crest of Flames (CF). That’s not a coincidence.

#1 – Seteth

I honestly could fill pages on why I love Seteth as a character but for here I’ll try and keep it shortish. I’ll start with his supports. Seteth’s supports are all about his advice to the others and him trying to guide them. For Cyril, he’s talking about how it’s great to repay debts but it is also important to consider one’s future as well; he doesn’t want to see Cyril just waste his whole life in servitude to Rhea but rather to grow into his own. With Catherine, it’s concern over her safety, over how she throws herself into battle without care for the consequences. For Manuela, it starts with a lecture over her drinking habits but turns into something far more personal when his wife and daughter get mentioned. Outside of the paralogue, this is the only time an outside person gets to learn that Seteth even had/has a wife and daughter and it’s Manuela who gets told it, implying a deeper friendship. Hannerman’s involves his investiagtion of Seteth’s crest and how Seteth is constantly refuting him, obviously trying to protect himself and Flayn from others finding out the truth. With Leonie, he teaches her how to relax while fishing while she improves his own skills in the area. For Hilda, he’s trying to improve her work ethic first by confronting her about her excuses, and then by writing a story about her laziness...which does work somewhat as it gets her to work on illustrations. For Ingrid, he’s a voice of reason about the demands of her father and he’s the one who suggests that Ingrid simply talk to him about her issues, something which she didn’t consider. For Felix, he’s trying to help Felix realize his beliefs are holding him back and that he needs to make friends. With Bernie, he helps her build some confidence in her own skills and talents. And of course we can’t forget his interactions with Flayn where he goes from overly protective, to realizing he’s a bit too overbearing, to actual apologizing for that. Seteth acts as a conduit or a spark that helps inspire change in those around him, to wake up potential, or to see things differently. He’s strict and often seems somewhat unreasonable about rules and regulations but its obvious this is his way of trying to protect people. He’s shouldering massive guilt over the events that happened in the last war. He personally blames himself for Flayn being hurt and for his wife dying. This event spurred him on to becoming overprotective of his daughter, of the only thing he had left. Seteth is doing what he’s doing to PROTECT his child (unwilling to see her to come to harm), even if he’s going about it in the incorrect way. He has literally devoted his whole life to protecting Flayn to the point that when she gets kidnapped, he falls apart at the seams and is unable to do anything at all except despair and distress. Flayn has become his whole world and just about everything Seteth does is to protect her or help her. That kind of devotion from a father is incredible, especially in a series where most of the parents kinda suck. I also adore how he breaks the typical “paper-skinned mage” trope. Let’s face it, most of us probably thought the stern chuch advisor was likely going to be a mage – and then we get a wyvern rider with a lance. I could go on and on, but I’ll leave it here. Seteth is just the best character.

...this was 18 pages of writing.....

[hermannsthumb]

18. wine tasting that leads into 9. Ghost tour, drunk ghost tour!!!

from autumn fic meme here: 18. wine tasting + 9. ghost tour

this one was especially fun bc i am a biggggg fan of ghost tours myself, and i got to make up a bunch of fake lore for the “haunted house” hehe. you can decide where this is set……. (content warning for alcohol!)

—————————————–-----------------------------------------

One of the rare occasions that Hermann actually acknowledges that he and Newt are a thing and lets Newt use romantically-coded words like boyfriend or love or feelings to refer to the two of them–instead of just a terse and incredibly vague this is my partner, Newton when he needs to introduce him to a colleague at work–is on their anniversary. Not that he’ll call it their anniversary, of course. It’s always that time of year again or their special day or flowers thrust quickly at Newt and a kiss pressed to his cheek while he’s brushing his teeth in the morning. Anniversary is too serious. Too intimate. And God forbid Hermann Gottlieb be intimate with someone; it took a month after they got together for him to even take his shirt off in front of Newt. Newt doubts he’ll even let him use the word when they eventually get hitched.

Anyway, it’s that special Time of Year again, Their Day, and Newt has taken it upon himself to book them a weekend getaway. Their first weekend getaway. Usually, for Their Day, they just sit at home and make out or something until their forgotten dinner burns in the oven, but Newt’s determined for them to start acting like an actual couple. Actual couples do things for their anniversaries, like go out to fancy overpriced restaurants. Or have beach vacations. Or rent a room in a cozy mountainside inn (surrounded by beautiful autumn foliage) for a weekend for a wine tasting.

“Yes,” Hermann says, “but most couples don’t go out of their way to hunt down a wine tasting in the most–allegedly–haunted inn possible.”

“That’s because most couples are boring,” Newt says. “We’re not boring. We’re cool.” He clinks his wine glass against Hermann’s. “And don’t say allegedly. It is haunted. I did my research.” He takes the suggested tiny sip of his wine (a sweet dessert wine that tastes more like straight-up honey than any wine Newt’s ever had before) and forces a measure of false casualness into his voice. “They, uh, have ghost tours and everything.”

Hermann groans and sets his glass down. “Oh, Newton, you didn’t.”

“I don’t know what you mean,” Newt says.

Newt does know, and he did. Wine tastings are fun and all, and it’s a nice excuse to get Hermann to gussy up a little (because that grey suit he’s rocking tonight combined with his tidied hair is making Newt feel all kinds of hot and bothered) but they’re also a little boring. And gross. Spitting into a bucket for two hours while a bunch of wine snobs sniff their glasses and eat tiny crackers? Boring. Newt’s preferred method of ingesting wine is sticking a curly straw into a box of Sunset Blush Franzia and waking up on the bathroom floor twelve hours later. He just thought–well–he could spice up the experience a little. Especially since it’s October. People do these sorts of things in October. It’s seasonably appropriate.

“Look,” Newt says. “The ghost tour starts at eight, right when this ends, and it’s only an hour. Only around the inn. I already bought us tickets when I booked the place–”

“Newton,” Hermann groans again.

“–but we don’t have to do it!” Newt says, in a way that makes it clear he’d really like to do it. “I just thought it could be fun.”

Hermann scowls at him a bit more, but his shoulders sag. Probably doesn’t care enough to put up more of a fight. “We have a gas fireplace and a bathtub the size of a bloody swimming pool in our suite,” he says, “and you’d rather creep around in the dark and play paranormal investigator. I shall never understand you, Newton.” He takes a long sip of his wine. He doesn’t spit this one out. “I’ll be picking where we go next year. Now fetch us more red.”

“Next year,” Newt echoes happily.

“Don’t push your luck,” Hermann warns.

They have more red, and then they have more white, and then they round it out with some rose, by which point Hermann seems to have given up all pretenses of the tasting factor. Hermann is not tasting; Hermann is imbibing. Copiously. “I revoke my earlier complaints,” Hermann declares, after sloshing half a glass of prosecco down his poor clean shirt and grey suit, “this is a marvelous idea, Newton. I’m–” He sloshes more prosecco onto the tablecloth. “Enjoying myself. A great deal.”

Oh, jeez. “Oh, jeez,” Newt says. “Hey, babe, uh, maybe you should lie down for a bit, before–”

“No,” Hermann says. “I feel very fine. You ought to try this.”

He swings his glass towards Newt, and refuses to allow him to push it away until he’s had a sip. “It’s good,” Newt says, because of course it is–every single bottle here has been fucking great, and fucking expensive, as shit. He gets another taste of it (and about three other wines) a second later when Hermann swoops in and kisses him with no small amount of tongue. “Hermann,” he mumbles, “people are staring.”

Tipsy Hermann is a different breed of Hermann that never ceases to straight-up weird Newt out. It’s like all Hermann’s carefully constructed layers of repression finally unravel like a ball of yarn, like someone’s finally popped his cork and tossed out his filter and let every single mushy, horny thought he’s ever had come pouring out. Tipsy Hermann is handsy. Tipsy Hermann is flirty. Tipsy Hermann calls Newt things like lover and pretty thing and even just ooh, Newton with a little giggle and twirl of Newt’s hair.

Newt thinks he probably should’ve been keeping a closer eye on how much Hermann was drinking; he thinks this especially when they move on from the tasting (with two newly purchased, at Hermann’s insistence, and unopened bottles of the prosecco in Newt’s tote bag) to the ghost tour, and Hermann can barely keep himself upright, even with all his weight shifted to his cane, and Newt has to practically hold him. He’s going to be pissed at Newt for his hangover tomorrow. Because of course he’ll blame Newt.

Their tour guide is a young woman, probably an undergrad at the nearby college working the gig part time, dressed up in old-timey Victorian-looking clothing with an actual lit candelabra. She seems to enjoy her job, at least: she explains the logistics of the tour with a lot of enthusiasm and a lot of wild, animated gestures. (It’s an hour long, they’ll be walking up and down no more than two flights of stairs, one of the tour’s usual stops will be off-limits tonight due to construction, please silence your cell phones, she’s excited to be their hostess tonight!) “You sure you can manage?” Newt whispers to Hermann.

Hermann reaches up and tugs at Newt’s earlobe. “Certainly,” he says.

A hard maybe.

Their tour guide leads them to the narrow front lobby, and they file in in a circle around her as she begins to explain the inn’s origin. It was built in 1823 as a manor; it was converted into the building it is now during the 1870s; the room they’re in now was originally the parlor. “The painting above the fireplace is as old as the house,” she says. “It’s been hanging in that same spot since 1823.”

“Bloody ugly painting,” Hermann snorts.

Newt swats at Hermann. “Dude,” he hisses back.

“I’m only saying,” Hermann says. “They ought to burn it.”

Their tour guide didn’t hear, thankfully, and has gone on into describing the paranormal events of the former parlor. “You can still catch whiffs of his cigar smoke,” she says (referring to the original owner, whose name Newt missed, thanks to Hermann), “and some people have even claimed to spot a dark figure sitting in the armchair in the corner–” It’s faded emerald and ratty as hell, with a small velvet rope blocking it off from the rest of the newer furniture, “–also an original piece of the house, and his favorite spot while he was alive.”

The tour guide leads them down to the creepy basement next (haunted by the ghost of a former maid who’d been brutally murdered by the eldest son of the house–her lover–in 1859 and buried there), up to the kitchen (where servant bells still go off, despite the system being nonoperational and purely for show since the ‘70s), over to the bar (hidden behind a sliding wall throughout Prohibition and only recently re-discovered, where stools move on their own and translucent patrons flit around after closing) up more stairs to the former master bedroom-turned-unoccupied grand suite (where faucets turn on by themselves and strange shadows glide across the antique mirror), down the hall to the nursery-turned-honeymoon suite (where toys turn up out of thin air and ghostly babies cry in the middle of the night).

“‘S all rubbish,” Hermann declares at that bit. Still not loud enough for their tour guide to hear–not yet, anyway–but loud enough that a handful of people in their immediate vicinity turn and frown at him. “Ghosts are rubbish. Not real. I reckon they put--” He waves his hand. “Speakers, in the vents.”

“We fought off giant interdimensional aliens,” Newt says, grinning despite himself, “and ghosts are what you have a problem with?”

Hermann immediately gets snooty. “Kaijus–” (Newt cringes, because come on, how many times does Newt have to explain you don’t need the s?) “–had a logical reason for being here. And there was proof. Loads of it.”

“Stop being such a buzzkill,” Newt laughs. “This is just for fun, dude. No one gives a shit about proof.”

“That much is obvious,” Hermann sniffs.

“Is there a problem?” their tour guide suddenly says. She looks completely earnest, too, not angry at them for talking–like she’s genuinely worried Hermann’s upset or offended about something. 

“No,” Newt cuts in quickly. He wraps his arm around Hermann’s waist and pinches his side to shut him up. It has the opposite effect of what he wants: Hermann doesn’t look affronted, but instead, very pleased at the sudden touch, snootiness evaporating. Of course. “Forgive my partner. We, uh, just got done with the wine tasting, and he missed the memo on spitting.” He cracks another grin.

There’s a small chuckle throughout the crowd that turns awkward fast when Hermann turns to him and says, in a faux whisper (too loud, too flirty, face too close to Newt’s), “I thought you preferred when I swallow.”

Newt chokes on air; he turns bright red. “Hermann!”

The tour ends on a mildly disappointing note. Their guide takes them up to the attic and passes around quote-unquote EMF detectors, with the promise that almost every group (to date) has caught something up here with them, but after twenty minutes of waving the little boxes around with not even the smallest beep it’s very clear their group will not be joining that number. If Hermann was sober, he’d probably say I told you so. He’s not, so instead, Newt says goodbyes and thank-yous for both of them, and Hermann collapses face-first into their ridiculous canopy bed almost the very second Newt gets him through the door of their suite. He doesn’t even bother to take off his shoes first. Or drop his cane--he’s still gripping the handle.

Newt shucks off his docs and tie, moves Hermann’s cane to rest against the clawfoot bedside table, and flops down next to him. He pokes Hermann’s shoulder. “You are not allowed to blame me for this tomorrow,” he says. “You got it?”

“Whatever for?” Hermann mumbles, sleepily, into his pillow.

“The hangover you’re absolutely going to get,” Newt says, “and for dropping sex life bombs on a group of strangers. That was all you, buddy. All you.”

Hermann turns on his side to face Newt, though he doesn’t bother opening his eyes. “You’re being awfully loud. Will you turn off the light, please?”

“Ugh. Fine.”

Newt has to shuffle all the way across the room to switch off the ancient floor lamp, and by the time he gets back, Hermann is already halfway to snoring, mouth open, drool at the corner of it, dress shirt rucked up from his waistband. It’s impossible to stay mad at him when he looks this cute. “I love you, you weirdo,” Newt says fondly, and leans in and kisses his forehead.

“Mm,” Hermann agrees.

[zefyre]

a preview for domino effect:

“You’ve been going to the library a lot lately.”

James’s voice broke through the fog of jumbled words and idle half-formed thoughts and Kagome froze over her history book, hand stilling on the page she’d been skimming through. Her eyes flickered up to find her brother standing across the table from her, an eyebrow arched and arms crossed, and all she could do was blurt out an an unintelligible, “Eh?”

James snorted. Pulling out a chair, he dropped into without ceremony. “I said,” he drawled, plucking a book from atop a perilously stacked group of many and inspecting it, “You’ve been going off to the library a lot lately.”

She fidgeted, playing with the corner of a page from her book. “Well, we’ve been assigned a lot of essays lately,” she hedged. “Lots of researching to do,” she added, propping up her history book up for him to see as an example and mentally crossing her fingers he’d accept it as is.

It wasn’t a lie per say, but it was pretty weak as excuses went considering the time she’d been putting in the library of late was more on par to a seventh year revising for the NEWTs than a second year’s workload. Most of it was really spent on finding any information she could on basilisks and hidden chambers belonging to Slytherin’s founder. The former was easy enough but the latter was an effort spent largely in vain, hence her last ditch attempt of looking in Hogwarts: A History.  

Even Myrtle’s story about her death, while interesting, didn’t reveal much more than what Kagome already knew – that she was killed by the basilisk but she didn’t know who ordered it.

She did, however, recognize a certain name when she mentioned it: Tom Riddle.

“Oh yes, Tom.” Myrtle let out an honest to Merlin giggle. “He was very dreamy. Perfect grades, all the professors liked him, even the Headmaster!” Her smiling expression turned upside down in a second flat, eyes filling with tears. “Of course, when Olive Hornby found out about my crush, she wasted no time to make fun of me and rub in how Tom Riddle wouldn’t look twice at “Fat, ugly, pimply Myrtle!” the ghost wailed, her voice rising with each word.

“Olive Hornby was a bitch,” Kagome couldn’t help but comment.

Myrtle’s wailing cut short and for the first time ever she looked at Kagome without an ounce of dislike as she fiercely agreed.

“Olive Hornby was a right cunt.”

While not exactly productive, the conversation at least seemed to warm Myrtle towards her, if only a little bit.

It still didn’t explain how Tom Riddle, a Hogwarts student from almost thirty years ago according to his special services trophy, managed to reappear in front of Harry twenty years in the future without aging a single day.

Magic, obviously, and not the good kind if he was siccing basilisks on schoolchildren.

Kagome absently rubbed at her forehead before sighing.

“You’ve been pretty quiet too, I’ve noticed.”

Kagome’s arm dropped to her side and she shrugged, eyes sliding away from James’. “Lots on my mind, I guess.”

At least that wasn’t a lie.

James hummed. The sound wasn’t very reassuring, and it made her nervous.

“Are you okay, Kagome?”

Kagome went still. Her brows furrowed as she swiveled to stare at her brother. His returning look felt heavy to bear. “…What do you mean?”

James sighed, a forlorn sort of quality beginning to bleed into his voice. “I mean, are you still having nightmares?”

“Nightmares?” she parroted almost immediately, taken aback and, quite frankly, panicking.

How did he know? Did someone say something? Did one of the girls overhear?

James was looking at her as if she sprouted a second head. “Madam Pomfrey mentioned dreamless sleep potions when you were at the hospital wing?” he slowly reminded her. “You only take that if you’ve been having bad dreams, which… would explain a lot, if I’m being honest.” He grimaced, “You look like shite.”

Kagome swallowed thickly, unable to even come up with a snappy retort.

When she didn’t answer right away, James sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “I’m just… worried, I guess. You’ve been looking, I dunno, kinda stressed lately?” he guessed. “Like… really stressed.”

Kagome pressed her lips into a tight, thin line and tried to ignore the guilt squeezing her chest. “I…” she trailed off, scrambling for another excuse.

Gods, she was so tired of giving excuses.

She sank into her chair, rubbing her face with both her hands. “I am stressed,” she admitted. “And I’m not sleeping well either. You’re right.”

“I am?”

Gods, she hated how surprised James sounded, no doubt because she actually admitted it, and once again she hated herself a little bit because she only had herself to blame.

“Super stressed and bad dreams,” she confirmed, dropping her hands away from face. James’s expression was one of deep concern, so sincere it made her chest hurt because now she had no choice to lie, even if it was only by omission. “Regulus still glares at me like I’m less than a piece of gum stuck to his shoe.”

James snorted. “Only eleven and he’s already perfected the look. Sirius tells me he learned it from their mum.”

Kagome was not surprised in the slightest. “No wonder I was getting chills,” she said, and managed a smile when James laughed. “The dreams… I’d rather not talk about them.” When her brother frowned, she waved him off, “Most of the time I don’t remember, it’s just… difficult to sleep, after.”

James didn’t look like he fully believed her, not that she blamed him because she did remember each stupid nightmare, but at least he was kind enough to let it go. “At least take Madam Pomfrey up on those potions then, okay?” he gently asked, and she nodded, not having the heart to tell him she’d already been brewing her own for a while now.

“Also, hey, speaking of the little twerp,” James scooted closer, leaning over the table towards her and his voice so hushed, she could barely catch what he was saying, “Did you know he’s been following you?”

Kagome’s head shot up, eyes going round. “What?” she said out loud.

Very loud.

So loud Madam Pinch practically materialized before them the very next second, looking very irate to match. Her eyes swung between the pair like a pendulum, heavy with warning. “No. Shouting.”

Meekly, Kagome sank in her seat and muttered an apology. Across from her, James was looking away, trying desperately not to laugh and failing spectacularly when what clearly sounded like a laugh escaped him, despite his poor attempt to smother it and pass it off as a cough.

Kagome swore she heard Madam Pinch’s jaw crack before she shouted at them to get out.

“And here I thought there was no shouting,” James not so quietly sniggered by her ear when they stepped outside the library door after Kagome had hastily collected her things.

Which, of course, Madam Pinch heard if the way the doors slammed shut behind them meant anything.

“James…” Kagome groaned, shoving him half-heartedly with her shoulder. “It’s gonna be like a week before it’ll be safe to go back there. And she’s definitely gonna be breathing down my neck when I do.”

James just waved her off. “You need the break anyway.”

Kagome shot him a dirty look. “I was gonna go look for some more books on, y’know, that thing we’ve been planning to do?”

James looked less nonplussed at that. “Ah…” he let out a nervous laugh. “Well, it’s only a week….”

Kagome sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Now what’s this about Regulus following me?” she demanded, following up with, “And why haven’t you told me until now?”

James shrugged. “I dunno, I didn’t think much of it at first?” he said, scratching his cheek. “You’d think he has a crush on you and was just being a creepy little stalker if it wasn’t for the fact he’s supposed to be royally pissed at you.”

“That is mean,” Kagome said, even as she laughed a little. Creepy little stalker was not a title she’d associate with Regulus, it was so ridiculous.

“It’s true. The last few times you’ve been leaving meals early he’s been getting up to leave too.”

Kagome pressed her lips together in thought, trying to calm her suddenly racing heart. “I mean, I don’t think he’s been making friends so couldn’t he just be leaving after he’s finished eating?” she asked, trying to be logical, because if he wasn’t, well… the times she left early were also the times she snuck off to visit Myrtle’s restroom.

She almost wanted to laugh, and only barely managed to tamp back the hysterical sound bubbling up in her chest. Gods… Would it be better that Regulus thought she was having random bouts of diarrhea or that she was sneaking off to do something suspicious in the restroom?

“Only the times when you leave alone though?” James asked, skeptically, and she grimaced. “But I mean, there’s also the fact I caught him spying on you through the bookcase in the library just little bit ago.”

Kagome stopped and stared. “Oh…” she said, her voice faint, “That’s… yeah, that’s weird.”

Concerning, actually. Very concerning.

James hummed, sounding much too smug. 

[sebthesnipe]

The Dreamer by Whatwashernameagain an Analysis? Chapter 2! Part 4

All portions:

Chapter 1: Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4

Chapter 2: Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4

The Dreamer

@whatwashernameagain

As always, Spoilers under cut.

 Warning: Mentions of abuse, kinks... other stuff... Idk I’m too tired. 

Jumping right in where we left off. Eva writes about the Dreamer’s organization growing practically overnight and the amount of publicity he had to go through; she talks about interviews, photo shoots, calendars and merchandise. It pulls the attention back from the good vs. evil and the moral debate we discussed in the previous portion of this analysis and reminds us that while Logan and Roman are at opposite ends and fight for morality (whether misguided or not); the organization that was created for the Dreamer is not concerned with those things. No, they are they are there for profit and power; both of which is provided by the Dreamer. This is no doubt exactly what Roman’s father was hoping for when he mutilated and tortured his son into being the ‘symbol of hope’ that he is now.

Our attention is also brought back to the fact that despite his love for the spotlight, Roman is a man of action when it comes to protecting others. It is pointed out that Roman ‘found the publicity work hard to bear at first’ (Whatwashernameagain). After all the time he spent changing himself, putting himself though such agonizing pain, he is found, once again, waiting. The photos the interviews, they are excused by his team explaining that that was how you saved the world in such a media driven society…. Well…. Honestly this kind of pisses me off lol. Because, the reality of it is… That that is partially true. Granted, the cure for cancer isn’t going to be found through Facebook posts… But the publicity can cause enough financial support to fund the research that leads to its discovery.  Take Myllena Braz da Silva and Gabriel Martins, two Brazilian students who despite being a part of a less than booming town discovered a way to make new drugs that cost less money and time which could save millions of lives that are loss due to Zika (and they were High School students at the time!) but because they didn’t present this information in an attractive way or to enough people their work has pretty much been overlooked (“Abstract Search.”). It just goes to show you how much this world relies on the media and dramatizations.

I suppose the thing that upsets me the most is the line: “Chastised, Roman had deferred to their expertise” (Whatwashernameagain). This line is perfect here. After feeding Roman the lines about the necessity of social media despite Roman knowing at this core that he needed to act rather than make money for someone else, he reminds himself that these people know more than he does, that he is lessor than they in some way. It reminds the reader that despite his strength and his morals, Roman is still, at his core, an insecure child.

We are also once again, presented with the contrast between he and Logan. Roman mention Instagram and Twitter; places that are used to display yourself but are not very good means of communicating between him and his fans/supporters. While the Utilitarianist is mentioned using Discord and Tumblr; two social media platforms that are highly influenced by the people who contribute to them. Discord allows direct conversations between individuals and Tumblr allows for messaging, asks, etc. It is a subtle difference but one I quite enjoy.

Roman also mentions the was Logan’s groups ‘doing his dirty work, popped up all over the web like toxic mushrooms’ (Whatwashernameagain). Eva always has a way with metaphors. I think that Logan would have both good and bad things to say about this, however. Firstly, I think he would understand that Roman meant this as an insult. Secondly, he would probably not hesitated to point out to the incompetent man that there are some species of toxic mushrooms that theoretically produce billions of compounds through 1 molecular assembly line and can precisely target cells inside the human body and thusly can offer potential medicinal purposes which can lead to new medicines (“Do Poisonous Mushrooms Have a Pharmaceutical Purpose?”). Afterall many cyclic peptides are already known to be important drugs against things such as tuberculosis Staphylococcus, and even cancer (“Do Poisonous Mushrooms Have a Pharmaceutical Purpose?”). So, once again, Logan maybe viewed as bad (just as this toxic mushroom metaphor is) but he might be the medicine this world truly needs (at least… according to him).

“Tirelessly, he tried to remind the world of what mattered, using bold words to paint a bright and colorful picture of the future he truly believed in. A future of unity. They mustn’t lose sight of what mattered – standing together, fighting the hate the Utilitarianist spread with his extremism that called to simple solutions. To violence. Being kind was harder, almost impossibly hard, but Roman would not lose himself in hate, and he knew his fellow Americans wouldn’t either. Breaking the law and turning to murder would not save the planet, it would turn them into monsters” (Whatwashernameagain).

I would like to say that I only want to touch on this para briefly… but let’s be honest, I am rarely brief about anything. Most of what I am about to say is opinion. I have no facts or quotes to back me up on this; everything is simply my experience. Roman brings to light something I tell people all the time, though I am usually ignored. Actually, the question I get most often when people find out that I use to be Law Enforcement is generally ‘You seem to nice/kind to have been a cop’. I usually counter with a ‘you don’t know enough cops’… But when you really get down to it, I think there is a number of reasons people believe that; though I’m not going to get into the political ones. No, the one I want to focus on is hatred. I’ve seen a lot of it. I’ve seen what a person can do to another in the name of hatred. I’ve witnessed it firsthand… been on the receiving end of it…. Watched co-workers, friends, family… be eaten away by it. Here is the truth: hatred is a virus that lays dormant in us all. It is already a part of us, whether we know it or not. Once it is activated but whatever means… it grows and if we let it, it consumes us… If that hatred is seen by or directed towards another it is possible that the hatred that lies dormant inside them is activated…. From there it spreads… like an epidemic… Only epidemics have a cure… Hatred never goes away permanently. It is apart of us. If it is ‘cured’ the virus is still there, it is merely reverted back to its dormant stage… waiting for another chance to be activated.

I’ve watched it spread and spread… even when I was very little and I told myself that ‘that won’t be me’ but… hatred exists in all of us. So, what’s the ‘cure’ that will revert hatred back to its dormant state? Choice. Roman is right… Kindness is so much harder because it is not engrained in us… it is taught… whether by someone else or self-taught. Kindness is a choice. Happiness is a choice… I mentioned the effect of our thoughts on the outer world during Chapter 1. We choose out thoughts, we choose the effect we want to have, we choose kindness. Don’t the person who treated you poorly, pity them… What kind of sad life must they have lived to feel that it is acceptable to treat someone like they do… Or what kind of emotional baggage do they carry that makes them crave the feeling of hatred over numbness… Pity them… They’ve obvious lived a horrible life. Reach out a hand… Who knows… Maybe you’ll save a life rather than ruining on. You don’t have to forgive them… Some times you can’t… but you can be kind without forgiveness.

This of course, is all more difficult than it sounds and it took me years to manage it but it is true and possible. Hatred can be combatted with kindness. Forgiveness comes in time. Help those that hate you; they are misguided. In the end, hatred harms yourself more than others.

Okay… I think I might need to move on…. Ready for some whiplash?

“Even as Roman got to shake the hand of the president, he felt he was not doing enough. He should be out there, fighting harder.

Even after chasing him for almost a year now, Roman felt those things as strongly as ever. He was right, gosh darn it! How could this irritating man not see the merit of a peaceful solution? Who didn’t want peace?!” (Whatwashernameagain)

Poor poor Roman. I love him so much. The poor baby is obviously still having trouble with patience… or rather not-acting. The first line is a reminder that Roman is never enough for himself. He always has to be better, has to do better. I… can understand that. Perhaps if he ever considers himself enough for his father than he might consider himself enough for himself… but he never will be, will he? Enough for his father I mean…

But that revolution I mentioned at the beginning of Chapter 2 analysis is starting to rear its beautiful head. We see Roman starting to get more antsy than ever. Despite the reminder that he considers his team ‘wiser’ when it comes to these things, it is obvious that those thoughts are starting to wear thin. We see Roman’s exasperation grow with the frustrated tones of the last few sentences.

Though his frustration isn’t just directed towards himself and his team but towards the Utilitarianist as well. Roman has proven (as I covered in the last section of the analysis) that he believes all people are inherently good. So, you can imagine his frustration at the fact that his actions towards Logan lead nowhere. The catch is, we know Logan is good at heart and that Roman is as well; they just don’t know that about the other… Though I think Logan has an inkling.

Finally, we see Roman go against orders to keep his mouth shut and the hero confronts his villain for the first time. The setting could no be more perfect, Eva always does have quite the way of picking the perfect atmosphere for these kinds of things. “The wind created by the rotor blades of the approaching helicopter whipping at their clothes on the roof-top almost carried away his words” (Whatwashernameagain). Chaos is created in the scene by the helicopter making it hard to hear each other. Its really fantastic symbolism for their current state in their relationship and perhaps in themselves as well.

Roman is born from chaos. His misguided aspiration for his father’s love. The work that defines him being nothing more than a payload for said father. His fight to follow his team while ignoring the growing need to physically act. The good he wants to do by basically doing things that might not be what we would consider good or for good (mostly because its pretty much all for profit, not that Roman knows that).

Logan may not be born from chaos but he /is/ chaos. Logan is a great example of doing bad things for good reasons… Which in and of itself is fairly chaotic. Not to mention with every act he sends the world through another wave of chaos as well. His entire goal is to turn the economic world on its head in the first place… talk about chaos.

I love that the first line Roman ever speaks to the villain is “Why must you be so impossible?” (Whatwashernameagain). Fairly simplistic words, not much to be impressed about? I would disagree. The words are spoken with such informality that it is almost as if they knew each other, and in a way, I suppose that they. They’ve been meeting for over a year; fighting for over a year.  They may not have spoken but they knew each other enough by now… at least that is what it felt like. No doubt when your world revolves around someone else, whether good or bad you feel like you know then. Logan is probably the only person in the world that knew Roman or that Roman felt like he knew even if they hadn’t spoken. Logan, at this point, is the closest thing to a friend that Roman has.

In the same paragraph we also see Roman’s sass returning, lightening our lives once more as he claims that Logan would be the cause of his death; that “He’d kill him with exasperation” (Whatwashernameagain). The way Roman almost curses but catches himself is also so wholesome. A gentleman would never lower himself to such language, of course.

And Logan, usually so cool and collected is pulled into Roman’s frustration. We see Logan’s struggle to keep himself in check and yet he indulges in himself, in such a human reaction. I’ve mentioned it before, but I’d like to point it out once more; Roman is a symbol of Logan’s humanity. Logan does his best not to feel regular emotions, he prefers to think of himself as a computer rather than human; the only time we really see Logan’s composure break is when he is facing Roman. Roman brings out these emotions in him; brings out the human part of him. We see that again here when Logan is unable to keep from replying.

“You cannot be serious. How dare you refer to me as impossible, you simple fool?” (Whatwashernameagian)

Once again, the words are simplistic and familiar, though they are spoken by Logan this time. The familiarity is there just as it is with Roman, despite the fact that he is insulting him. Once again it is possible (probable actually) that Roman is the closest thing Logan has to a friend. He does, after all build an AI to keep him company (along with doing his calculations).

We also see Roman try and be Logan’s conscious as well, which might be needed; after all computers don’t have a conscious; lecturing him about kidnapping and setting things on fire and worst of all ‘drowning [Roman] in frying fat!’… Though I don’t think there would be very many people upset about seeing Roman all oiled up… I know I wouldn’t. The reader’s attention is pulled back to Roman’s team members as Eva mentions the ‘ever-polite voice in his earpiece’ that was trying to get him under control; once again showing the difference between the team and Roman, himself.

The two men continue to argue bringing up a few valid points. Logan points out Roman’s ‘selfish’ thinking, which though we know, as the reader, isn’t exactly accurate it is understandable to believe that that is where Roman is coming from. He also points out that Roman is nothing by a monkey for the press and won’t be the one to bring about the revolution the world needs. Logan’s POV is accurate: Roman is acting as a monkey for his team and that on his present course there will be no revolution if he continues to follow them… Foreshadowing anyone?

““You- you unbelievable, impossible, infuriating villain – how could you dare to- I am attempting to save the world! You are trying to destroy it!” He’d howled, flailing uselessly with frustrated energy.

His righteous claim seemed to rile up the terrorist even more. Taking a few steps towards him over the cement that was starting to heat with the flames beneath them, he jabbed his finger at him” (Whatwashernameagain).

First off, I find it absolutely adorable that Roman is stuttering with his insults. I’m sure his opinion of Logan being unbelievable, impossible, and infuriating will never change. In fact, I would bet on it. They already sound like a married couple. I love them so much!

Looking beyond that, I really love the imagery here. This interaction is going to be the foundation of their companionship (if there will be a companionship which I am certain there will be); like the cement that Logan is crossing. In fact, the imagery of the cement heating with the flames beneath them can be a nod to a number of things. First it could represent the world around them burning and neither of them able to pay attention to anything but the other (which I am just ruined for); or it could be the heat of their passion for good, both extremely intense, both dangerous, both destructive in their own way (Logan physically and Roman’s political/economically).

Their argument continues, each calling the other stupid. We see Roman’s view on good vs. evil once more (which I’ve already covered; not to say it repeated… no the inflection on it is simply to remind us that Roman is a three-dimensional character who cares deeply about the subject). We see Logan losing himself to the humanity Roman brings out in him. We also see (which is my favorite part of the argument) Logan’s accusation about ‘selling topless calendars’ and the ‘heeled boots’. Why is this important? Well, Logan is a busy man he wouldn’t pay too close attention to what Roman’s next public exploit would be… Yet he knows about the topless calendars? I would put my money on the idea that he examined them… ‘for research purposes’ of course. As for the heeled boots well… We already know Remy’s opinion of dat ass… Heels only improve it 😉.

“The villain’s rant was interrupted as a sneaker hit his head from above. His supporters were exasperatedly waving at him to climb into the helicopter they had been screaming over before the police managed to arrest them, just as Roman’s operator had frantically urged him to free his leg and catch the man standing mere feet from him” (Whatwashernameagain).

Once again, we see the stark contrast between the hero and villain here; or rather… the similarity. Logan’s followers are urging him to leave the hero and move on, as he should have done in the first place. Eva compares then to the person on the other end of Roman’s ear piece. Both of them are a sense of reality that these men should be focused on rather than one another and yet neither seems to be able to pull themselves away from the other without an outside influence. They are both utterly hopeless and I love them.

Also #savetheworldtopless and #justpathologicallyevil should totally be a thing! Only #savetheworldtopless should be pictures of all different shapes and sizes of people in superhero poses either topless or like sportsbras/binders etc. basically how they seem themselves or how they want themselves to be; and #justpathologicallyevil should be full of adorable pictures of like cats and things doing mischievous things… I love these!!!

As for Roman’s operator quitting… good riddance. If that’s all it took, then he def wasn’t cut out for that job. Besides, not letting my baby speak is a sin against all mankind.

I’m so excited for the next para!

“Roman felt guilty for getting into an argument and behaving unprofessionally, but somehow, he felt like it had also gotten him closer to understanding the other man. He wasn’t a faceless monster but a person one could talk to – if a truly irritating and rude one – and people could be changed. Roman was good at convincing others of his position. His bright, attractive smile, warm and sweet manners and his polite reasoning had brought plenty of people around. Despite the continued threat of an escalation between the Utilitarianist’s supporters and his opposition, most people still liked Roman” (Whatwashernameagain).  

This chapter has spent a lot of time ‘villainizing’ Logan (with good reason) the point of view of the Dream and its team is meant to paint Logan in that light; and thus far Eva has done so very effectively. Here, however, we see Roman reconsidering these points. For the first time Roman is looking past the mask and at the man behind it. It is not that he does not see Logan as a villain but rather he sees him as a human as well. That’s Roman for you though, caring about every human even the ones he considers bad or ‘evil’. I suppose this is a first for Logan as well. People don’t tend to look beyond the Utilitarianist to see the man underneath… they’re not suppose to either but here Roman sits seeing a man that can be swayed, a man that struggles with the good and the bad as we all do. Once again, we see Roman focusing on the individual once more.

“He brought the idea up at a team meeting, believing he’d finally found a way to work more effectively. However, he was turned down gently. They gave him to understand that he had misjudges the villain and that his attempts to negotiate with terrorists could have disastrous consequences. Chastised and feeling like a child make a dumb suggestion at the dinner table, he gave up. Still, despite his best intentions, he wound up arguing with the other again and again” (Whatwashernameagain).

Once again, we see how Roman’s team mistreats him; though they do so, subtly. We see Roman’s attempt at a solution that actually has some merit and may work and yet he is treated like the child they see him as and cast aside as if he didn’t have any weight on the matter. His intelligence is constantly insulted (though not obviously enough for him to feel offended). His goals do not align with that of the teams and therefore are inconsequential. However, Eva points out that the unlike how it was before (Roman making a suggestion, the team shooting him down and he dropping it) the arguments seemed to continue… perhaps this is because Roman is getting more confident? Pushing his boundaries? Leading himself to revolution?

“Their rivalry came to a crescendo when one of their fights once again distracted both of them. He had no idea why this man managed to make his blood boil this much with his talk about superior logic and necessity. Necessity his ass. (Roman would of course never say such a thing out loud, but still.)” (Whatwashernameagain)

This says a lot about Roman. His attention on Logan is continuously growing. He is paying more and more attention to the man as a person and not just as a villain. I mentioned before that Roman probably sees the similarities between Logan and his father but there are a few things he addresses with Logan that he would never say/do with his father. Here is perhaps the only man he is able to interact with (though perhaps not under the best circumstances) that is not pushing his own agenda on the man or putting him down. Someone he can actually argue with without being chastised by the other for the act. He is treated as an equal even if they are name calling one another and that is a big step for the hero; most of the people he deals with always treats him as if he is some child that needs to be seen not heard but Logan… Logan will indulge his passions, argue his points, allow him to be the passionate man he is. To Roman, Logan is an outlet for his passions and allows him to express himself as he truly is, not as his teams wants to be. It is no doubt a refreshing change.

During one of their arguments a pipe bursts over Logan’s head and without pause or consideration Roman rushes to save him, injuring himself fairly badly in the process; to the point that he needed immediate medical attention. Of course, he could heal very quickly but Logan doesn’t know this. I bring this up for two reasons.

Firstly, imagine what this means for Roman. Roman is driven by passion. He cares deeply for every living soul and he views Logan as a misguided person whose heart can be changed. So, when that person’s life is on the line he doesn’t think twice before jumping in the way to save him. This of course is going to cause a lot of issues with his team and perhaps the public but to him a life is a life and Logan’s is perhaps the closest person to him at the moment.

Logan on the other hand doesn’t really consider the individual life too important. It isn’t to say that he doesn’t care for each life in and of itself but if a single life lost would save countless then he wouldn’t hesitate to pull that trigger. To him, it is only logical. He knows that he has endangered and killed a number of people and it would be logical for Roman to allow him to die to advance his own agenda. So, when Roman saves him it no doubt takes a few minutes to process it all. No doubt he had to recalculate all of their interactions. Up until this point he had viewed Roman as nothing but a puppet for political/economic gain and yet… he had saved Logan… For no other reason than to save a life… He perhaps sees Roman’s truly pure intentions for the first time (no doubt cementing his opinion that the guy is an idiot). Logan in return drags Roman from the building and delivers him to an ambulance and we get to see the wonderful gift that is protective Logan… One of my favorite flavors!

Of course, our progress must have some repercussions; which means right on cue Roman’s father appears. Two years has past since Roman became the Dreamer and we’ve barely heard mention of the man. He tends to show up only when Roman does something wrong or if it is advantageous to him; which only cements the image that he’s a no-good money sucker that Roman is better off without.  In fact, apparently Roman hasn’t seen the guy in months, which brings out the hero’s denial: “Roman understood he was doing important work, though. It was alright. . Sadly, his father had not been as pleased as he had so desperately hoped.” (Whatwashernameagain).

Denial and rationalization all over again, though I’m going to avoid the Freudian jargon as best I can because this section is already going to be so very long. Eva always has a way of pulling at the reader’s heartstrings with such simplicity and it is truly beautiful. With her last line, mentioning Roman’s desperate hope, my heart breaks. He still wants his father’s approval so badly that it hurts him. He truly is a child at heart when it comes to his father… The poor baby.

The conversation that ensues reminds the reader of the trauma that Roman has gone through to be the man that he is… To be what he thought his father wanted him to be… What the world wants him to be. We see his father’s anger as he demands an explanation and Roman’s immediate instinct to draw his knees close to his chest, curling up on himself as if to protect him from his father’s wrath or the emotions he brings out of the young man. Now it is possible that Roman’s father never laid a hand on him (honestly, I would be surprised if he had. That would mean he actually cared enough to beat the boy and I doubt he ‘wasted his time’ with that.) and this is just an instinctive reaction most people have when faced with emotional distressing situation. Though there is no proof of physical abuse we are already aware of the emotional abuse the man has put his son through, which can be just as bad.

We also see Roman hiding his pain ‘like he’d learned.’ Learned where? Learned during the countless horrific experiments and alterations he endured to become what he thought his father wanted him to be; just to find out his father still viewed him as practically worthless? Or was it before hand? Before all this? Either way when Logan finds out that the sorry POS of a ‘father’ treated Roman so horribly… I hope he gets what is coming to him (though I realize Roman will probably keep that from happening)!

“The rebuke hurt sharply. Swallowing, Roman tried to explain his reasoning he’d never thought he’d have to defend. The place was filled with people who were supposed to support him, yet he felt entirely alone” (Whatwashernameagain).

Roman’s father chastises him for letting Logan live and I think that Roman’s illusion of who is father is may be starting to crack a bit. At Roman’s core ever SINGLE life counts; it is one of the many reasons he became the Dreamer in the first place. But his father doesn’t give a damn about anyone else’s life but his own. As long as he’s making money that all he cares about. We also see Roman finally beginning to realize that despite the fact that he is surrounded by people that he has known for two years now, who are supposed to support him… he /is/ entirely alone.

“This would have been the perfect opportunity. You need to decide if you have what it takes or if you weren’t the right choice after all. Next time this chance presents itself, you let this god damn terrorist die instead of spreading his filth from a luxury prison.” His father had barked at him before leaving him alone to fear losing everything he’d bled for. Everything he’d become. Without the Dreamer, he had no idea who he was” (Whatwashernameagain).

The contrast between these two are as apparent as ever, here. His father is lecturing him to do exactly what Roman is whole heartedly against. He wants Roman to let someone die. He wants Roman to ignore the very core of his being… he wants him to be something Roman can never be and equivalently kill someone. The thing is, if Roman straight out refuses his father everything he has worked for, everything he fights for daily would be stripped from him. The fear of losing something you have worked so hard for is devastating. But it’s a bit more than that for Roman. He has changed everything about his life for this. His physical appearance, the way he lives, everything… I don’t think he realizes this because he would never think something so dark about his father but… If the Dreamer persona is stripped from him Roman would not get to roam free… His father has put in far too much work to create him, he knows to much, he is too much of a liability. No, Roman would either be locked up or killed if the Dreamer was ever taken away from him.

But that also begs the question, can the Dreamer be taken away from him? The Dreamer is a concept, an ideal of what Roman wished to be. Sure, they can pull him from the spot light, take away his team, hide him from the world but as long as Roman’s beliefs are the same and he has the will to keep going then the Dreamer is eternal. The problem is that Roman still lacks the self confidence to realize this. He believes that he is nothing but an over glorified child without his team. Once he realizes this is not the case… Well… Viva La Revolution!

We do see the beginning of these thoughts in the next para however. Roman is starting to question his team and his father. “Was this really what the Dreamer was? He’d tried too hard to keep the peace and catch the Utilitarianist when there were other things he could be doing. They’d told him to leave the crime fighting to the police. His image was the most powerful thing about him” (Whatwashernameagain). He is questioning everything which is good… Well, good in the long run; honestly for him, its no doubt terrifying.

But consider the fact that the one person that ignited the flame that pushed him to ask such question is the very person he is supposed to be rivaled with, the person he is supposed to allow to die. Logan. Roman is many things to the villain: his hope, his humanity, his source of emotion and irritation, his light. But Logan are certain things to the hero as well: his hope, his reality, his sense of questioning, his window into the social world… His proof that everything is no as black and white as he once believed, his chance at a relationship that isn’t riddled with abuse and deception. The irony behind this should not be overlooked. It is so beautiful.

Roman goes on to compare himself to Superman and Wonderwoman which I just adore! That is so very Roman! He points out that Superman couldn’t concern himself with petty thieves but Wonderwoman most certainly would. I love this for a number of reasons. Firstly, we already knew that Roman read comic books, but this really pulls the image of baby Roman sitting under the covers late at night with a flash light pouring over the pages of every type of comic (well at least DC comics). Secondly, despite the fact that Roman good up with such a heavy emphasis on society’s view of masculinity shoved down his throat one of the greatest heroes in his mind is Wonderwoman! I love it! I love it! I love it! The comicbook version of Wonderwoman is a fantastic role model for anyone! Much better than Superman in my opinion! I mean the writers themselves are fantastic! There is actually an entire scene in which Diane is seen nude during an issue and the writers never exploit this. Context: Diane sleeps in the nude. Someone wakes her and they talk while she takes her time dressing. That is it. It is not drawn in a way that sexualizes her or implies anything of the sort. It is simply written/drawn as nothing more than a person dressing and I really appreciate that… though I suppose I am getting off track.

We can also view the difference between implications of comparing himself between Superman and Wonderwoman and the Masculine and Feminine views both represent. Superman is no doubt the way his father would prefer him to aspire to be. Superman is perhaps the most masculine image one could manage to conjure. He is strong, indestructible, not concerned with trivial issues, uses his strength and power to win and always gets the girl. The image of a man. Wonderwoman however, is a bit different. She is strong and practically indestructible sure, but she goes about using her abilities a different way. Instead of fighting all the time or causing more destruction she tends to outsmart her opponents when she can and shows care and compassion to all creatures. Superman focuses on strength and durability; Wonderwoman focuses on skill, training, knowledge. She is not concerned with romance or power; she just wants good for the world; just as Roman does.

We also begin to see Roman work out some of the things we have mentioned, on his own. He begins to question why Logan would save him? Perhaps he questions if the man’s intentions may be better than he had originally given him credit for. He can’t seem to shake his concerns with his own work. The concerns lead him to question his team more and more:

“His doubts wouldn’t leave him alone until eventually, he chose to do what he was most afraid of. He went against the advice of his team.

He’d been sitting around for months, while the Utilitarianist had been busy attacking the Hong-Kong Stock market. Roman quietly wondered why he was never dispatched to other countries to help. His nemesis had stopped limiting himself to the States long ago” (Whatwashernameagain).

It is obvious that there are a few reasons why Roman’s team keeps him in America. Perhaps the most prominent reason is the fact that the people who control Roman are in America and make most of their money from his exploits there. There is no reason to help those over seas if there is no profit for it. Yet, Logan is not bound by these rules. Logan is attempting to save the world and to Roman his goal is to take down Logan. So, once again we see just how much Roman’s team is holding him back and the excuses they use to hide their real intentions (‘Perhaps his team was worried he’d upset someone by remarking that the conditions of those workers truly were less than glittery’ (Whatwashernameagain).).

A situation in Mexico is brought to our attention, Eva does a fantastic job (as usual) to describe the severity of the scene and a new character is introduced: Virgil!!! We see right away that Virgil is a little different than the rest of the team. As Roman’s new operator we he hacks into the bank’s database and gets Roman a floorplan (no doubt against the advisement of the rest of the team). This already sets him apart from the others. For the first time since Roman became the Dreamer we see someone finally working /with/ him rather than discarding his intentions and thoughts. Finally, we have someone to help our wonderful and beautiful boy! The best part is that might be the boost Roman needed! “This was the right thing to do, he felt it. He had to breathe new life into the idea of the Dreamer. He had to be a proper hero again” (Whatwashernameagain).

Of course, when he pitches the idea to his team he is immediately shot down, discarded like the child they saw him as. Only this time, things were handled a bit differently: “Instead of the usual, fatherly patience and kind amusement at his misplaced enthusiasm, he was told off curtly. Without results, Roman was losing their favor” (Whatwashernameagain). Roman has been acting more and more independently which implied that they were losing control of him as an asset and that no doubt caused some tension between his team and their higher ups which was no doubt taken out on Roman.

“Feeling unsteady, he shuffled onto the cold light of the corridor of their underground base. Despite his terror of losing the place he called home, the reporting about the children held hostage would not stop replaying in his head. He’d been told watching the news would only upset him and he should rather rely on the updates they cut together for him, but he was starting to think he would only have found out about the situation far too late when irritated reporters would have asked him where he was when the children were shot. He couldn’t let it come to that!” (Whatwashernameagain).

This para gives me life! This is a dawning of a new age! A new Dreamer! A new Roman! We start out with him defeated (not surprisingly); fearful on his thoughts because you know he’s thinking of going to Mexico anyways and that could cause him to lose his home. The catch is, this has never been his home; it has been the place he has been used and discarded but it is the only ‘home’ he’s ever really known. Sure, before he became the Dreamer he had a different ‘home’ but it is all the same thing. He was ignored unless useful there just as he is here. Still, if its all you’ve ever known, losing it would be terrifying…. Being alone in the world, with nothing to your name… it’s a horrible reality.

Still, he obviously is not letting this go. The news of the children being held hostage is something Roman can’t forget. This is not surprising at all. Roman is a sheltered person. He is not use to seeing such things on the news. In fact, the next sentence reminds us that the only information that he is aware of tends to be the information fed to him; to help control him. It is horrible. But it also causes him to be more sensitive to these kinds of things. I can’t remember if I brought this up before so I will do so again here. The majority of us that open ourselves up to television or social media become desensitized to it all.

For instance, the average 18-year old observes approximately 6,000 acts of violence on television and in movies in one year (Browne and Hamilton-Giachritsis 2005; Center for Research Excellence 2009). Desensitization has been studied primarily as a consequence of exposure to violent video games (e.g., Anderson et al. 2010; Carnagey et al. 2007), so less is known about desensitization to violence encountered in real life or on television and in movies. Despite the many commonalities between real-life and media violence and their effects on adjustment, these two types of exposure to violence rarely have been studied together. It has also been proven that the more desensitized to violence that we become the more violent we become in turn.

Of course, this is just a information about desensitization in regards to violence which includes things like the bank robbery, children being held hostage etc. Consider this: How many times have you scrolled through facebook or some other social media platform and saw a post about a missing person or a shooting or something similar? And how many times have you ignored it and continued to scroll? The truth is, the more you see it the more you ignore it. But what then? Well, then we’ve become part of the problem, haven’t we? By not helping we become the ignorance that is wrong with the world. So, next time you see one of those post… share, reblog… who knows maybe you’ll be that one person to get the word just far enough for them to be found/saved. Don’t let your desensitization get the better of you.

But once again I’m getting off track. My point was, for someone who is not expose to as much violence or horrific deeds as the typical American, something that we consider small (like a bank hold up) can be traumatizing; and poor sweet Roman has been sheltered from these things for some time. Sure, he has seen some really bad stuff but its all what they want him to see… all being fed to him… this… this is different.

Desensitization aside, this para is the stepping stone into Roman’s rebellion! We see him question his team, perhaps not for the first time but close to it: “he was starting to think he would only have found out about the situation far too late when irritated reporters would have asked him where he was when the children were shot” (Whatwashernameagain). Then we see him immediately rebuke them (at least mentally): “He couldn’t let it come to that!” (Whatwashernameagain). Roman is finally growing into his own. He is finally beginning to that that step and begin thinking for himself! This is character development!

Now, enter Virgil Stage Left! Virgil appears just when Roman needs a good kick in the but to get him moving, much like Remy did when Logan needed it as well. It is a good reminder that even when we are struggling whether with the outside world or with ourselves there come a point in time where we could do with a bit of companionship. Humans, after all, are social creatures.

The great thing about his appearance is that with his sense of sarcastic remarks Roman is immediately defensive, preparing to defend his ‘honor’ but we wee him pause as he notices Virgil’s disappointed posture. This is another small contrast between Roman and Logan that I love. Though we don’t actually see Logan reading people’s body language I get the feeling he would be very bad at it. He doesn’t exactly surround himself in situations in which it is required. Roman however, no doubt is trained to read other’s body languages. Yes, I mean formally trained though his emotional abuse has no doubt conditioned him to study it as well. A person who is used to being degraded or yelled out over analyzes every twitch, every smile, every shift of the eyes. Every movement is considered a countdown to the next time they will be abused, it is truly an anxious existence. This of course is just scratching the surface of the trauma Roman has been through but it is brought up in such a subtly beautiful way that really gives testament to Eva’s skill, as always.

The slump in Virgil’s shoulders no doubt screams at Roman just as most postures do. He is not a stranger to disappointment especially from his team. This time though he realizes its different. Virgil isn’t necessarily disappointed in what Roman has done but what he hasn’t done; which is quite heartwarming. Virgil is upset because Roman is not following through with his plan despite his team’s refusal. He /wants/ Roman to be who he is… Which may be the first time Roman has ever experienced such support. The first time someone has shown true untainted support for /him/ not what/who he is supposed to be for them. There comes a time during the cusp of every revolution that a straw breaks a back… A shot is fired…. War breaks out… Perhaps, Roman has finally found his straw in Virgil? Perhaps all he ever needed to begin his revolution was the support of a single person to be who he was.

““No. I’m not backing off. I’m taking a running start.” He’d promised, before striding down the corridor and grabbing a startled Virgil’s wrist on the way. He still needed that one.” (Whatwashernameagain). It seems like a beautiful partnership has begun. I have a feeling this dynamic duo is going to cause a lot of trouble for more than just Logan.

Eva also uses a comparison of Roman sneaking out of the facility to breaking out of prison; which I feel is a very good analogy. The facility is in fact a prison for Roman. He is not a free man in any sense of the word. Even his personality is held captive behind those walls. I also mentioned earlier that Roman’s father would never allow Roman to be free. Roman is too much of a liability. He knows to much. This is one of the many reasons why he is to be locked away until it is time for his media appearances. He is sheltered from the real world just like any prisoner, only allowed certain activities that limit his interaction with the public. He is monitored constantly. It is very fitting.

“The armed robbers were no match for the quiet, cat-like stride of the trained hero. He caught one after the other, knocking them out with ease. This was far simpler than fighting a man like the Utilitarianist” (Whatwashernameagain).

‘Cat-like’? You mean like a certain villain that purr-fers to wear the mask of a feline? Speaking of which, it seems that Roman can’t get the man off his mind even when he’s in the middle of another dangerous mission… and does that almost sound like… admiration?

The next scene shows Roman being as heroic as ever as he carries out a pregnant woman and other out of the building and I have to say Roman+children=my heart exploding. Its just so pure and wonderful and the way she just tugs at his costume just makes me weak.

“Roman barely managed to calm them. He hadn’t been greeted with such honest joy in so long, he was utterly baffled by their adoration. When he finally managed to speak, his voice was thick with emotion.

“Fellow citizens of the world, I have realized that the time for borders is behind us! In these frightening times we must understand that our differences are mere illusions, stand together and give each other hope. Our love and belief in each other shall prevail over evil!”” (Whatwashernameagain).

Roman just made a seriously hard move. Roman is faced with real genuine joy and appreciation; something he probably has never experienced. His team probably pulls him away from situation where he would get the chance to; of course, they would to simply avoid him saying something that wasn’t scripted. This is probably the moment that he realizes that though his team treats his opinions and intentions as bothersome the public sees them as he does: a chance to change the world.

We also get to see Roman take that final step over the edge of the cliff that he has been teetering on for some time now. We see him finally choose to step out into the nothingness where he expects to plummet to his doom; everything that he has worked for stripped away from him. But as he speaks to the world, as he watches their reaction, we don’t see him fall; we see him fly! And because of this, and the elated reaction of his new partner-in-crime we see him swell with pride.

“Finally, he was what he was supposed to be.” (Whatwashernameagain).

This line… This beautiful stunning line says everything that we knew but it also says more. It says that Roman has shed his father and team’s control on him. He has cast aside the image they are painting of him and breaking out into his own. Shots have been fired and there will no doubt be a fallout but for now… It is official, the revolution has begun!!!

“The atmosphere in the underground compound changed. Roman felt the shift, the tension around himself clearly and suffered it with disappointment. It was like being home again. A child whose childishness was barely tolerated. Quiet and shy and feeling unwanted” (Whatwashernameagain).

This reinforces the image Eva has been painting of Roman’s childhood. He compares the new temperament of the compound to his childhood home and the abuse he experienced there. It is the same disappointment, worthless undesirable feeling that his father had caused him to feel for so long. This no doubt would cause the man to be triggered. The only question that remains is, is he strong enough to move past it?

“Despite the repeated attempts to impress the importance of following his team’s directions, he planned and executed more mission with Virgil. He was his one saving grace. Since he was actually starting to make a difference, the two men felt more at ease with each other. Though they were mostly bickering with each other, Roman had found someone to rely on. His fluttering nerves around the moody man calmed, allowing him to fall back on the safety of the Dreamer’s personality less and less. They were a team of two now, instead of the pride of the Conglomerate. It was alright. He was one more person than Roman used to have” (Whatwashernameagain).

Roman is making leaps and bounds in his warpath (I use warpath as a metaphor, this is a revolution afterall). He has taught himself that a single man’s genuine acceptance and affection (not to mention affirmation) is far more valuable than the faux appreciation of a crowd of individuals and this is partially due to Virgil’s support. Now, the two of them argue and fuss but let’s face it between Virgil and Logan this is the only form of true affection Roman has ever experienced. It is only logical that Roman now associates the bickering and affection. The coldness his father shows him, the lack of attention at all has been pounded into him over the years making something as simple as the attention enough to argue with him far more heartwarming than it should be. In fact, the arguments and the moodiness of Virgil seems to calm Roman as he interprets it to be a platonic sense of caring that comes with the smaller man. This will no doubt reinforce his attraction to Logan later as well.

Logan was once considered cold just as Roman’s father, perhaps reminding the hero of the man he aspired to be loved by which no doubt drew him in in the first place. Yet, as they grew closer and Logan began to show the attention Roman longed for, though their arguments and even care when Logan returned the favor of saving his life. With Roman’s interpretations as they are now it is no wonder that he would turn to the man that has shown him more affection than anyone else in the world when he is finally broken and bruised.

Over the next few paragraphs we see Roman surprisingly taking the bait that the Utilitarianist had laid out for the world, working unintentionally, with Logan. We also see his team step up just about the time they are able to profit from it (surprise, surprise). Of course, poor innocent Roman misinterprets this as support, but it is not necessarily a bad thing; at least not yet.

Naturally, as soon as the team steps back in Roman reverts to his old habits; becoming discouraged, calling himself an idiot and generally being self-deprecating. He then resolves to listen to his team more carefully and follow their advice once more. Honestly though, I love the contrast between the team and Virgil. They are like two sides of Roman’s subconscious…. Almost like those angels and devils that pop up on each shoulder in the cartoons. On one hand, Roman’s team pulls him back to his father where his self-conscious and cautious. While, on the other hand, Virgil pulls him towards the light where he is proud and triumphant, confident and bright. The issue is, if he continues to stand in the middle being pulled in two different directions, he may be ripped in two… and if that happens it is possible, he wont be able to be put back together again.

Also: “Roman had sworn to himself to help him feel more accepted in the team. He’d never wanted anyone to feel as isolated as he had most of his life” (Whatwashernameagain). It is possible that Roman is so adamant about Virgil feeling accepted by the team because he knows exactly how it feels to be isolated and alone. He knows how it feels to be cast aside and be considered worthless or idiotic. He knows how horrible it can make you feel, and he wants to make sure that no one feels that way especially someone he cares so deeply for like Virgil.

The next para moves on to talk about the Utilitarianist and the LGBTQ+ community and honestly the imagery is lovely! Of course, Logan would be an icon for the gay community. The Utilitarianist is known for his radical beliefs that stir huge movements around the globe. It wasn’t that long again that the simple act of two men kiss was considered just that: radical. I won’t pretend to know a lot about the social movement; I don’t. I may be LGBTQ+ but I was never a big part of the community until recently. I grew up in small towns. I didn’t even meet someone like myself until high school… So, I’m still a bit lacking in a lot of information that could be gained through that social outlet (I’m serious, a friend of me had to explain a lot of terminology when I first moved into the city… I may not have had physical flash cards like Logan’s but I def had mental ones). Still, I know enough about Gender Studies in literature to help support my argument here.

So, for those of you that don’t know what Gender Studies is; it is a literary theory that is devoted to analyzing gender identity and representation (including but not limited to women, feminism, gender, politics, men’s studies, and queer studies; often combined with the study of sexuality (“Gender Studies”). Why do I consider Gender Studies as ‘radical’? Consider this: Doctoral programs for women’s studies has existed since 1990 (Joschik, Scott). The Women’s Rights movement earned them the right to vote in 1920 and they were considered radical and despite their achievements studying literature that was written by women or had strong independent female characters was not considered an acceptable enough form of study to take a doctoral program (not even a degree) in until 1990! That is radical! What is worse, is the first doctoral program for a ‘potential’ PhD in Gender Studies in the U.S. wasn’t approved until 2005 (Joschik, Scott)! And it wasn’t until 2015 that Kabul University in Afghanistan (Afghanistan!!! Not the U.S. which is full of idiotic bigotry!) was the first to offer a master’s degree course in gender and women’s studies (FaithWorld)! It almost makes me ashamed to live here. In a world where two women pushing a baby stroller in the background of a Disney movie is cause for outrage, I’d say the LGBTQ+ community is ‘radical’… at least in the eyes of America. So, it is no wonder that the Utilitarianist is an icon for them especially after his rescue.

(Sorry for the rant)

Moving on!

“Because Roman had saved him and because he’d now acted on his behalf, following his direct call for action, a lot of people had started imagining them to be more than they were. They were publicly ‘shipping’ them.

Roman had been beyond horrified and humiliated as his sympathetic team had put together a dossier of the things people on the internet thought he’d do” (Whatwashernameagain).

Okay, there are so many things wrong with this. Not Eva’s writing of course, she is always so talented! No, everything that I consider ‘wrong’ is meant to be so.

Firstly, though there are plenty of people that will disagree with me and I respect that, shipping (even if its real people) is fine: Forcing your ship or view point on another or insulting their tastes or hating on them for it etc etc. Is very very wrong and I try not to judge but I’m pretty judgy about this. Hate asks/messages/notes/WHATEVER is horrible and though you may not be a horrible person if you do these things, you’re pretty darn close in my opinion. Everyone has their tastes: Some people like apples, some people don’t. If we were all the same we would never advance as a species.

I am not claiming Eva is hating on anyone. How could she be? She is legit writing about her own subject matter lol I really like the irony of it actually… Its almost like breaking the fourth wall without breaking the fourth wall. But I’m getting off topic again.

Here we see Roman’s team taking an extreme to try and pull him back by the reigns. The know he doesn’t receive any other content than what they feed him and their going to use this to their advantage. So, the decide to use the most angsty, kinkiest parts of the fandom’s ships and expose them to the poor sheltered and innocent man. Imagine if we had never heard of tumblr and then were suddenly shoved into the deepest darkest pits… Sure exposure therapy is known to work but I’d be pretty repulsed by it too. Luckily most of us managed to dip our toes in first and move away from the shallows one step at a time here on tumblr so we didn’t have to go through what poor Ro-Ro is. Now, its common knowledge that we’re all a little demented. Lol XP

“He’d been unable to keep looking at the pictures and horrible, humiliating stories published for all to see. How could he allow this to happen? This was what people saw in him after he’d allowed himself to be experimented on, cut apart and be put back together and worked so hard to give them something to believe in?” (Whatwashernameagain).

Let’s pick this apart a bit, shall we? Why would Roman really be this horrified? Sure, he was sheltered and then suddenly exposed to it but it’s a bit more than that. Here is a man that is supposed to hold up ‘American Values’ and be the image of masculinity. That is what his father wants him to be, that is what he has suffered to become. He is supposed to be the strongest person out there and yet he is being depicted in such compromising positions… In positions of submission, of servitude. He has no idea that that kind of position can be a symbol of trust and freedom because he is not taught to believe this. He does not know what a healthy relationship is.

Then there is also the symbolism of it all. Roman is the hero; he is the light; he is the good. Logan is the villain, the shadows, the evil in the world. These images show the good bowing to the bad. They show Roman losing. Losing the one thing he has suffered and fought for, for so long. They show him the possible failure he is so terrified of. To Roman, these images hold one of his worst fears. /That/ is why Roman is so disturbed by them.

We can also view this another way. Roman is taught that the only way he will win against the evil in the world is through the public’s support. He relies of the world to boost him, to come together in unity. He believes that with their help he is invincible. Yet, the public is the one who created these stories and art. The public is the one the imagined his failure. Roman is fueled by hope and faith and yet these images could be taken as a loss of those things. These images represent the publics loss of faith and hope in Roman… At least, that is one possible view point of the man. Either way, it is devastating.

*******

I would like to add here that @mariniacipher has added some input here that explains this in more depth and is beautifully done. I asked permission to quote them here and they have consented:

“Honestly, I have just one thought like, about your analysis of the line "The Utilitarianist would see it and think-" 

I think there's a bit more behind this, and that Roman's team had a deeper reason to show roman that art: Because roman is, to them- as far as we know- a naive boy-turned-tool, and he's already strayed from their commands twice. Once to save the kids in Mexico. This could be seen as him following Logan's agenda in some way. He's definitely seeing all people as equal, instead of following his team's "America First" mindset, which is already risky to them. And then, the second time he "deviates", he directly follows Logan's intel as well as his call to action. Add to that the Logince interactions you already pointed out, their respect to each other in those arguments, and they've got a genuine risk of roman completely leaving their range of influence, in their minds at least. Which brings us to them showing roman the unsavory pieces of art of himself and Logan. You already pointed out a lot here, but I think it also served to pervert the beginnings of the relationship between roman and Logan.

Before, they both just wanted to defeat one another, but also both wanted to help the world. Now, Roman's team is turning this dynamic in something altogether different, or trying to: it turns it sexual, and into a power play/fight. They present Logan not as a person who just wants to defeat roman, but beat him, humiliate and hurt him- because that way, they destroy even the thought of roman defecting, or escaping their influence, because there's no one to run to.In my opinion, they only want roman to have the team, and no one else- showing logan in the role of- to roman- a pervert and even a rapist serves to keep roman isolated and loyal.”

@mariniacipher makes some very valid points here, all of which I agree with. They also provide a great example of how Reader Response is suppose to work in the sense that every reader experiences a work differently and they see these things slightly different. This truly made my day. 

Now back to our regularly scheduled programming...

******

Once again, the devil on his shoulder has struck… But where is the angel in purple? Knocking on his door, just in time to save the day!

““Hey. Um, so I saw the dossier.”

Roman groaned, hiding his burning face. He’d never even looked at porn, so seeing himself pictured on his knees, the villain’s hand in his hair, about to- oh god. This was out there. The Utilitarianist would see it and think- irrational fear of things he hadn’t ever considered the other capable of mixed with the humiliation and made Roman tremble” (Whatwashernameagain).

First off, ‘He’d never even looked at porn’… Christ on a cracker, Roman you truly are sheltered you poor poor baby… Though that does beg the question if he is even too modest to…. You know what… Never mind. Lets move on… This is an analysis not a fanfic after all…

‘The Utilitarianist would see it and think-‘ OMG Roman I love you! Even when you’re horrified and shamed the only person you can concern yourself with is Logan?! This is fantastic! We see just where Logan stands now. Before, the person Roman would probably concern himself with is his father. That’s not the case now though. Logan has become more of a priority than dear old Dad and with good reason. In fact, Roman’s father hasn’t been mentioned in some time which gives us a sense of visual in Roman’s mental shift. Our baby is growing. -sniffle- I’m so proud.

Virgil of course, tries to explain to Roman that it is not what he thinks. Roman then states that he believes Virgil thinks him not smart enough to understand and my anxious son puts him in his place as he should! Virgil has no shits to give!

“You’re much smarter than they make you believe! They just want you to stop thinking for yourself!” A frustrated growl escaped Virgil. Pulling uselessly on the powerful man’s shoulder, he tried to get him to look up” (Whatwashernameagain).

He calls the team out on their shit! He explains that Roman is only seeing the kinky stuff and goes on to explain what shipping is really about… Which makes me wonder if the man ships them as well… I wouldn’t put it past him the little angel.

“”It’s about liking two people and rooting for them, despite any opposition. People just care about both of you, even if you’re on different sides. It just shows that most of them aren’t as black and white as they all say. They aren’t the perfect, traditional families on the cereal boxes and they aren’t the masked activists throwing Molotov cocktails either. They’re just people who like some of both of your positions and they like you and him and what they like most is the idea of you two burying this feud and stop fighting. They want what you want, when it comes down to it, dude. For the arguing to end and people to just get along. I’m not making this up, look!”” (Whatwashernameagain).

This is really beautiful, and I feel privileged to be able to read it. Eva gets it, she really does. There are a few sentences here that I really want to point out though. For example, ‘It just shows that most of them aren’t as black and white as they all say’. Virgil is referring to the fact that most people aren’t just good or evil. The majority of people have done good things and they had done bad things… That is human nature. Everyone has regrets. Roman lives in a state in which he is required to see things in black and white, but the world doesn’t work like that. Very few things are so cut and dry. Virgil see this and he sees that Roman doesn’t. At this point Virgil has moved from shoulder angel to practically Roman’s conscious. He truly is a wonderful friend.

Roman, no doubt, doesn’t really stop to consider people in their daily lives. To him its always the people in the most dire of situation that he focuses on. I doubt he’d know how to handle someone if they just past him on the street. Of course, he is trained to think like this… He knows that he is trying to protect people’s way of life but never stops to consider the way they live their life.

‘They’re just people who like some of both of your positions and they like you and him and what they like most is the idea of you two burying this feud and stop fighting’. This feels like more foreshadowing but I’m going to bypass that because we’ve already discussed it. But it is a fantastic representation of both Logan and Roman and a reminder that nothing is black and white just as I mentioned previously. Logan is a good man doing bad things for good reasons and Roman is a good man doing good things for bad reasons. The Dreamer is an apt name… Roman’s ideas of good and evil are so fantastic they deserve to be in a dream. Luckily, Virgil is there to help guide him back to reality (once again pulling on the comparison between Remy and Virgil).

The next few paras are filled with such wholesome and beautiful images and art work that you really need to go re-read it (if you haven’t already. Its just so warm hearted and I love it. Also, I can’t draw so if someone wants to work up some art on the image Roman describes about the glitter in his hair and the dipping Logan I will gladly share it EVERYWHERE!!!! (just link it to me K?)

Also, the argument with the wall of pictures and Roman’s wall of postcards and pinatas gives me life…. My chest aches with it. I can also really appreciate that Eva describes the works of the two arguing so often. Obviously, this would be understandable because the two are on opposite sides but also Roman’s association with affection /is/ arguments which no doubt only reinforces Virgil’s point that these are wholesome and good when Roman sees the two of them arguing. I just love it so much.  

There are so many that Eva lists…. …. …. Honest opinion: At this point, she’s just indulging herself… I approve whole heartedly LOL XP.

It is also possible that these are real fan arts of Logan and Roman and though I don’t have the time to look them up at the moment you bet your sweet IQ that I will be after I get this posted!

In all of these images there is one striking similarity that I must point out: Roman and Logan are depicted as EQUALS. Why is this important? Roman had never been treated as an equal by anyone until he met Logan and Logan began to take the time to argue with him, treating him as if he were worth changing his mind. His father doesn’t even bother with that (yes, I know that I’ve already covered this). The point being, it is very important for Roman to feel valued and equaled, that is one of the reasons why the images provided by his team were so disturbing and that is also one of the reasons why these images are so inspirational to him.

““I don’t understand.” He muttered, glancing at his own tablet, filled with data carefully compiled for him.

Virgil’s gaze was worried.

“I guess there are things they’d rather you don’t see, for whatever reasons. Maybe you’ll let me double check the info they give you from now on, man. I get unrestricted internet.”

“Oh. I didn’t know the internet here was restricted.” Roman muttered softly. His head was buzzing. He huddled closer to Virgil, gazing at the images without really seeing them. He felt like everything he knew was shaken in its foundations” (Whatwashernameagain).

Virgil my sweet sweet baby boy, you’ve done it! You’ve finally gave Roman the realization that he needed! Finally, Roman’s eyes are open to just how manipulative his team is and how damaging that can be. Finally, he is seeing what is going on! Now all that’s left is to win the revolution and kick them to the curb!

This is not going to be easy of course. Everything Roman believes and everything he thinks he knows has been affected. His trust has been shaken. Whatever road Roman is about to walk down, it is not going to be easy for the poor man.

******

I apologize for Part 4 being so long, but I’ve limited myself to 4 parts per chapter and it has been quite difficult.

As always, I want to thank Eva for writing so beautifully and being so supportive of my ramblings.

I would also like to remind everyone that I don’t proof read these because I am surprisingly lazy when it comes to my own work.

I also LOVE hearing from you guys so plz plz plz drop me an ask or a message if you feel up for it. I promise I don’t bite unless you ask me to. <3 I also love questions and theories so hit me up with those too!

Be sure to leave Eva some love on AO3 and tumblr as well! She is incredibly nice and always fun to talk to! Also, if you haven’t already read her other work (like KHS) I highly recommend it.

For now, I will be waiting with bated breath with the rest of you for The Dreamer Chapter 3! ^.^ Until then, I hope to see you all around! <3

           “Abstract Search.” Full Abstract, https://abstracts.societyforscience.org/Home/FullAbstract?AllAbstracts=True&Category=Any+Category&FairCountry=Any+Country&FairState=Any+State&ProjectId=4987.Pocket-lint.

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FaithWorld (26 October 2015). "Kabul University unlikely host for first Afghan women's studies programme". Blogs.reuters.com. Retrieved 2 November 2015.

"Gender Studies". Whitman College. https://archive.is/20121212181127/http://www.whitman.edu/content/genderstudies

Jaschik, Scott (10 November 2005). "Indiana Creates First Gender Studies PhD". The last decade has seen the number of women's studies PhD programs grow to at least 10 – most of them relatively new. Last week, Indiana University's board approved the creation of a program that will be both similar and different from those 10: the first doctoral program in the United States exclusively in gender studies.

Pharmacy Times, https://www.pharmacytimes.com/news/do-poisonous-mushrooms-have-a-pharmaceutical-purpose.

Rivkin, Julie. Literary Theory: a Practical Introduction. Wiley-Blackwell, 2017.

Whatwashernameagain. “The Dreamer - Chapter 2.” Hello Guys Gals And Non Binary Friends, 8 Sept. 2019, https://whatwashernameagain.tumblr.com/post/189407228487/the-dreamer-chapter-2?is_related_post=1.

[voltronauta]

If you had to write an adashi au, what would it be about?

SI actually have this idea in my head, but I have, like, 0% talent for writing so it’ll probably never see the light. But here it is (sorry in advance because this is going to be really l o n g):

So, Adam and Shiro fought and then Shiro went on the Kerberos mission and “died” and that’s as far as I’m going to respect canon. Everything else didn’t happen, thank u, next.

Anyways, Adam is devastated because he still loves Shiro and wanted to marry him and all of that jazz. So he grieves terribly, he’s devastated and although he tries his best to keep living his life, to help Keith (who he also cares for deeply), and to keep going (because that’s what Shiro would’ve liked) he can’t. He just can’t. He lives with his terrible depression and grieve and guilt and then, a year later, Keith goes missing, too, and Adam loses it all over again.

But… there’s something fishy about “the accident” (as the Garrison calls the night that the three cadets and former cadet disappeared, after an unidentified object crashed on Earth), but since he does not have the level of clearance required to be there at the impact zone, he doesn’t know what happened until he sneaks his way around and does his research and finds the recordings of that night and discovers that *gasp* it was Shiro! He was still alive! And he figures that Keith is probably with him, too! So that reignites his life-battery and gives him strength. He knows that something’s not right, and that there’s a reason they’re not reporting back (they’re military, after all), but he knows that they will send a message or something when they can. So he keeps on living, with a renewed hope and bleeding love for his family.

Faaaast forward and when Sam Holt returns to Earth he tells all of them what Adam already knew: Shiro and the cadets are safe and sound. And he delivers the recorded messages that the other paladins have for their families. But then Sam just looks sadly at Adam and doesn’t give him anything. There’s no recorded message for him. And Adam is heartbroken and devastated all over again… for, like, three seconds. And then he’s pissed because oh, okay, I just spent two years of my life loving, and then grieving, and then hoping for a man that didn’t even send me an Alien emoji, wow, okay (ofc he doesn’t know about Clone-Shiro, because no one does at that point) and decides that fair enough: if Shiro was able to continue with his life as if nothing happened and didn’t even acknowledge him, then he could do the same. So he thanks Sam for the news and then keeps living his life a lot little bit heartbroken, but hey! Life goes on.

Faaast forward again and the Galra invasion to Earth happens! But Adam doesn’t die because they decide to listen to Sam and don’t launch the attack. As they’re not ready to fight the Galra, they decide that they’re going to have another approach and start trying to guard civilians, so they have recon and rescue missions to Galra labor camps.

It’s in one of the missions that Adam meets a young girl and her baby, two of the prisoners that they free, but the girl gets hurt during the rescue and won’t make it, but before she dies she makes Adam promise that he’s going to take care of her baby. So now Adam has a little daughter of his own (he names her Sofía) and pretty much draws back from the missions, focusing more on engineering and trying to decipher all that “Galra gibberish” (I headcanon Adam as a linguist. Idk, I just really like Adam being a languages enthusiast). And Sofía grows up in the middle of a war, but being loved and respected and also being incredibly smart because her dad is a freaking engineer and a linguist, so she picks up the smarts just fine.

Faaast forward again and the Paladins return to Earth and Shiro is fucking ecstatic because he’s going to see Adam again! So they arrive and there’s a whole bunch of people in uniforms to welcome them… but Adam’s nowhere to be seen. And Shiro tries to be calm and not ask but Keith knows his brother, okay? And he knows that he’s practically bouncing on his feet at the possibility of reuniting with Adam so he’s like “yo, where’s Adam?” and someone says something like “oh, he’s busy with Sofía, but he’ll probably be in this afternoon meeting” or smth and Shiro is like oh :( because well, he was away for more or less six years and it was kinda logical to think that Adam would’ve moved on and dated other people, but he’s still sad.

So they greet their families and yadda yadda. Then the afternoon meeting happens when all of the higher-ups of the Garrison are going to be debriefed on what’s the current situation and Adam is there! And Shiro is at least going to say hi because Adam may not be available anymore, but he’s still a gentleman and he’s going to at least say hi after all these years. And Shiro is like “Hi, Adam” and Adam just looks at him solemnly and says “Captain Shirogane” and nods in a very military-way (remember Adam thinks Shiro didn’t send him a message and it’s angry and sad) and that kind of kills Shiro’s mood but they still have a debriefing to attend and a job to do.

And in the middle of the debriefing, there’s a knock at the door and then a poor cadet has a very upset Sofía in his arms and is like “sorry Lieutenant, but Sofía was demanding to see you” and Adam immediately stands up and is like “oh babyyyy~ u missed me?” super soft and cooing and excuses himself and leaves to go play with his daughter (who immediately giggles when her dad picks her up).

And then whoever was talking just keeps going and the meeting continues as if nothing happened.

And then Shiro whispers, softly but with a lot of intention, “what the fu k c”.

So, basically, they both think the other doesn’t love them anymore when in actuality they’re both still head over heels for each other and there’s a smartasss toddler in the middle and a lot of Parent Trap-like situations happen.

I think I’m gonna leave this here, because it’s getting really long, but I even have a plot for this. Like, a solid plot, in which Sofía can even kind of “hear” the Black Lion (not really, but just like Blue used Keith to get to Lance, Black uses Sofía to get Shiro back and they return to their original formation, with Allura piloting the Atlas) and at first Sofía really dislikes Shiro because she’s smart and she knows how her dad sometimes gets a sad glint in his eyes and she knows it has to do with his former partner in the stars (as Adam talks about Shiro) but then she gets that it’s a misunderstanding and goes all Annie and Hallie on them.

But imma leave it here for now. But if you’d like to read more hmu!

*This is also kind of inspired in a headcanon I read about Adam adopting a girl (I think her name was Brooklyn or smth) but i can’t find it :(

[sollea]

Dolorem et Consolationem Ch9

Ch1, Ch2, Ch3, Ch4, Ch5, Ch6, Ch7, Ch8 Words: 1865 Discussions of identity in the World the Never Was

Tag this as AkRk and I eat your bones.

The sparring hadn’t helped Lea let out any steam, but seeing Isa wield a keyblade got him thinking about weapons… Weapons and their active connection to a person. That train of thought pushed him into thinking about the lesser nobodies, wondering if they were still around and if the poor berserkers were still being pulled around by their hammers. Isa was mostly free of his cursed weapon, dragging him around the room in a rage, but Lea doubted those strong-willed creatures with such a small amount of identity were free. The only real way to free them was to kill them after all.

Then he’d started to think about his own nobodies, the assassins. It had taken him such a long time to get used to being assigned that role, but the creatures that were attached to him quickly formed their identities around fast attacks and hidden movements once he realized his place.

Refusing to tell Isa where he was going after they both sat down together, catching their breath and not allowing themselves to touch each other at all, Lea set off through a dark portal to the find out if the World the Never Was still… was.

The buildings were wrong, streets weren’t where he remembered them being, and there was far too many signs of every battle that had ever taken place in the world. It was still crawling with nobodies.

He wondered if there would ever be a shortage again with how many heartless could travel through and infect new worlds. It was a disease caused by both emblem and pureblood heartless, Lea knew all too well the research showed that it wouldn’t be able to be stopped with the numbers they had. Keyblade wielders were necessary and with Sora and Riku missing, Kairi hadn’t been able to join the teams to fight the heartless. Roxas and Xion were adjusting to life with hearts and didn’t have enough time on their hands to waste it with life-threatening adventures. Terra, Ventus, and Aqua were busy trying to set up a real training area in their homeworld. Lea… didn’t have the guts to face even more things head on.

Or at least, that’s what he had thought about himself for months.

“Hey, Lea!” A voice rang out of the deafening silence, causing Lea to instinctively draw his keyblade and level himself out, ready to fight.

But then he saw who was calling for him and relaxed his stance. It was just Roxas, he was still safe to gaze off into the distance without getting hurt. “Oh, hey, Roxas. Visiting the same world as me. Accident or did you track me down?”

“Uh. I kinda tracked you down? Isa said you’d be visiting here.”

“Oh yeah? What d’you need?” Lea swung his keyblade around, resting it on his shoulder as he waited for a reason for being tracked down. It was odd, he had made it a point to not tell Isa. Maybe Isa really did know him too well. Well, that was the problem with having a best friend from childhood, he supposed. Isa would always just… know things, or he’d at least have guesses. He looked down at the teenager who had gone through multiple words to find him, there had to be a good reason for that.

“I just wanted to hang out alone? You’re always spending your free time with, uh… everybody. It never gives me a chance to ask you questions I want to just ask you!”

“You could just say so instead of tracking me down! I’ve got a phone and you do too, don’t you?”

“Oh, yeah, I do.”

“So, what’re the questions?”

“Questions?”

“The ones you wanted to ask me, Roxas. The questions you don’t want to ask around other people?”

“Oh, right. So, everyone else got rid of the Xs in their names, but I can’t do that. What should I do?”

Lea hadn’t expected questions like that. He moved his hands to his hips, letting his keyblade disappear halfway through the motion. Shifting his stance to put more weight on one foot, he realized this was a question he’d have to think about. “Well, names are pretty important. You feel like you’re Roxas, right?”

“Well, yeah, but th-”

“Are you worried enough that you want to change your identity? You identify with Roxas, right? Letters, pronunciation, everything?”

“Yeah.”

“So stay Roxas. Names are important to people, that’s why I want everyone to call me Lea.”

Roxas took in what was said with a pensive face, one Lea knew very well. If there was one thing that really made Lea proud of the kid, it was his ability to try.

“So, you’re saying that no matter what I do, it should just be what I associate with the most? It doesn’t matter if my name’s just Sora’s taken and reshuffled with an X thrown in there for control?”

“Do you really mean ‘just Sora’s name’ or are you just thinking aloud?”

“I’m just thinking aloud. It’s my name and I want to stay Roxas.” The teen paused to look around at the surrounding area. It was incredibly apparent on his face that Roxas was confused by where they were. That conversation was going to come later, Lea could feel it, but he was glad the focus reverted to questions he could answer. “How does someone even come up with a new name for themself that isn’t just stealing someone else’s?”

“Well, I might not be the best person to ask that since I just went ahead and changed some pronunciation.”

“What? Are you still spelling Lea like ‘Axel’? That doesn’t make sense?”

Laughing at Roxas’s earnest question was probably rude, but he couldn’t help it. “No, no. L-E-A’s supposed to be pronounced LEH-a, grabbed the pronunciation of Lee instead, just didn’t change the spelling. I like L-e-a, felt right and felt like me, but LEH-a never did.”

“Oh, so you already had to make people change what they called you?”

“Yeah. Getting told I was suddenly named Axel kinda pissed me off. Then I come back and everyone’s still calling me Axel! I told Kairi to when I was trying to remember Xion, but it’s still frustrating that people still refuse to even try.”

“Sorry that I mess it up sometimes.”

“Nah, Roxas, I get it. The important thing is correct, then move on. It hurts some people more than others, though, so still be careful. I’m not the only one who’s dealing with multiple names right now.”

“Well, thanks for understanding.”

“Of course I do. It’s important to have stuff explained to you. Like the reason I don’t mind getting my name messed up occasionally versus Isa really minding being called ‘Saïx’. Can’t get stuff memorized if we never tell you.”

“I guess that’s true.”

“Of course it is. You might not be constantly in need of babysitting anymore, but you’re still learning. We’re all still learning. That’s what living is.”

“Wow, Lea, pretentious.”

Lea rubbed at the back of his head and laughed. He couldn’t deny that he was sound a bit like some kind of know-it-all. “Maybe that’s just what you get for calling me your dad for some reason.”

“I mean, you took care of me when I was totally brainless and new. You kinda are. And Isa’s the dad who was kinda a huge dick to start with, but is trying his best to make up for it.” Roxas smiled up at Lea. The kid really was just that full of love and forgiveness and… everything good, even through things that made him grow bitter.

“Yeah? So you’re sticking to that?”

“Well, sometimes people ask me where my parents are, so I tell them they’re hanging out in a garden. So you’re at least my excuse parents.”

“That I can live with. Always happy to be a way to get out of trouble.”

“Uh, speaking of trouble, I think you’re maybe in some? Isa didn’t seem too happy when he said where he thought you were… And I don’t think I blame him! Why are you out here?”

Lea laughed and ruffled Roxas’s hair, much to the teenager’s chagrin. “Hey, don’t worry about it. I’m the impromptu dad, you’re the kid. I’m not doing anything stupid. I just came out here to see what became of the place with the Organization completely gone. The lesser nobodies are still people, y’know? We should be helping them out somehow.”

“You came out here to kill a bunch of them.”

“Nah, not by myself, I’m not stupid. Something just happened that made me realize that with some good recon and enough of a group, we could recomplete a lot more people. Free them of this… curse they’ve got.” Lea sighed. “I also wanted to know if I could still do something, but away from everyone.”

“What?”

“Well, y’know how I can still make the dark corridors appear for some reason?”

“Yeah, ‘cause you’re seriously depressed like… all the time?”

“Sure. Whatever.” Lea rolled his eyes at that then brought his fingers together to snap, causing two assassin nobodies to appear before him, swaying back and forth, awaiting an order. “Wanted to know if I could do that.”

Roxas looked at the two nobodies and frowned. “I mean, sometimes dusks show up and still call me weird names? That’s nothing to worry about, right?”

“I just don’t like it. Something about nobodies staying loyal to me seems… bad. I don’t like what it implies, that’s all. And I can’t bring myself to kill the ones I summon either, so I need to come back with friends.” Lea rubbed at the back of his neck and sighed, looking up at the empty sky. “It’s pretty here. Never thought about it, but it’d be a city I’d want to go to if it wasn’t for the dead.”

Roxas continued to just stare at the nobodies that were swaying in front of them. It made more sense why Lea was being so lax about the name change despite it obviously mattering very suddenly. It wasn’t often Roxas knew for sure he was right about something, but the look in his eyes when he looked directly at Lea screamed that he refused to change his mind. “Y’know, you’re not Axel if you don’t wanna be.”

“What?”

“Like I’m Roxas since I want to be Roxas. You’re not Axel. Not even if you can still do some Axel things.”

Lea looked from Roxas to the nobodies then smiled, laughing and calling them off. The assassins vanished into the ground as Lea continued to laugh. “Guess you really do learn fast once you’re told. I knew you used to, but you’ve still got it.” Lea took in a deep breath and shook his head. “Man, I’ve got kids years wiser than me all over the place and I’m still expected to be some kind of adult. This is stupid.”

“But you love us.”

Lea looked down at Roxas and nodded, placing a hand on the teen’s shoulder. He tried his best to look as much like a father as he possibly could as he spoke, “Yeah, but I love you.”

[inky-imagines]

Can I ask for a scenario where after a strong argument between gardienne and Ezarel while they're on the mission she simply walks away alone aaaand gets in trouble so he has to save her? Like, she gets chased by some dangerous animal or sth. Thank you in advance!

I should really stop making these so long - it’s making it very hard to maintain a constant schedule.

Anyhoo, I hope you enjoy this scenario =)

Inhindsight, charging headfirst intouncharted territory because you were pissed at the resident science nerd (Alchemynerd?) might not have been the smartest decision.

Neitherwas exploring that cave without the appropriate gear – namely, your weapons. Inyour defence, it was supposed to be arelatively safe area, how were you supposed to know there’d be a Kerit livingthere? Weren’t those things indigenous to the Savannah or something?

Butyou know what they say, hindsight’s 20/20. Not that you could see very well,sweat blurring your vision as you rushed through the vegetation.

Behind you the roars and snarls of thebear-like monstrosity grew ever louder, spurring you on. You knew you couldn’tcontinue like this. Despite your initial headstart on the beast – being whackedacross the cave really helped, though you hadn’t thought so at the time – itwas gaining quickly, you could already feel your side burning something fierceand doubted you could maintain this pace much longer.

A plan was needed. But between the runningfor your life and constant flow of ‘OHGODOHGODOHGODOHGODOHGOD’ in your mind,there wasn’t really any time to think. Which is why when the person you leastwanted to see barreled into you, you almost sobbed with relief.

“Where the hell have you been?!” You hopedhe didn’t expect an immediate answer. The collision had rocked you off yourfeet, the pain in your side throbbing even more intensely and clouding your mind withpain.

By the time you’re regained enough of yourwits to remember why standing still was a bad idea, it was already much toolate and a certain terror crashed in behind you.

Immediately trying to resume your previouslife-preserving action, you dash by Ezarel; only to be dragged back into a hardchest. “What—“

Ezarel clamped a hand over your mouth.“Stay still.” He hissed. “Kerits havenotoriously poor eyesight. They can only perceiveyou if you move.”

Doubt niggled in the back of your mind, buthe made no indication of letting you go so you had no choice but to shiver asthe Kerit shuffled forward.

It got close, so very close, you swore youcould see the reflection in its dinner-plate-sizedeyes. Was this it? Were you going to die in some random forest, killed by wildlife you’d accidentally awakened? Withone last sniff, it roared, a gust of foul-smelling air blasting over your faceand bringing tears to your eyes. This was it…

Or not, as the gargantuan swung around, growling and snuffling, plodding back intothe underbrush, plants and trees destroyedin its wake.

You barely had the time to sigh in reliefwhen a certain asshole shoved you hard. “What were you thinking, charging offlike that?” You spun around, a half-formed retort on your tongue but, as usual,he cut across you. “Of all the stupid things you’ve done-“

“I don’t need your nagging, Ez.” Youhissed, “I’m tired, in pain and, surprisingly,the cure is not your shit.”

He snorted. “Andwhose fault is that?”

Normally you’d rise to the bait and tellhim exactly where he could stick it, but exhaustion had finally caught up with you, and you could barely musterthe strength to stand, let alone fight. “Whatever. Where’s camp?”

“Somewhere in that direction.” Ezarelgestured somewhere behind him. “The specifics are unknown since someone–“ Pointed look. “ –ran off withthe map.”

With a roll of the eyes, you unclipped the mapfrom your belt and handed to him with a tight smile. Or at least, you tried to.

You kept fumbling at the clip, your fingersdisobeying you at every turn. It didn’t help that your head felt full – like it had been stuffed with cotton.The after effects of adrenaline maybe?

“Y/N?” Ez’s voice sounded hazy like he was a long distance away. “Y\N!”You staggered a few paces forwards before toppling, the ground rising toswallow you whole.

                                                            -

The sensation of heat and soft skin againstyour own awoken you from your slumber. Though honestly, you weren’t sure whenyou’d fallen asleep. You could remember falling, closing your eyes beforehitting the ground, but when you’d open you were here.

‘Here’ being the camp, if the constant low chatter and canvas ceiling wereany indicators.

“You’re awake?” The soft, murmured voicewas almost unrecognizable without the harsh edge to it, and you almost couldn’tbelieve it belonged to him.

“Ez?” Your voice came out hoarse, equallyas unrecognizable as the elf’s.” “Ez,” You tried again. “What happened?”

You attempted to sit up, only to be pushed back down immediately. “Don’t, you’llopen your stitches.”

“Stitches…?” Though it was rather awkwardin your position, you managed to twist your head to where Ez’s hands rested onyour side.

An angry, puckered line of flesh stuck outfrom your side, a neat set of stitches holding together what you could onlyassume was a nasty gash.

As if seeing it made real, pain rippledover your side, curling you within yourself with a whimper.

“What did I just say?” He growled, forcing you flat on your back. “For oracle’ssake, can’t you listen to me for once?” You could only whimper as he reexamined the injury, muttering curses underhis breath. “And would you stop squirming? It’s making this more difficult thanit needs to be.”

“It hurts.”You emphasised, sucking in a breath as his fingers dance smear astrange-smelling poultice over your side.

“And whose fault is that? If you’d justdone as I said, followed my damn orders…”

You snorted. “What orders? Last I checked Iwas ‘too stupid’ to be of any help. Remember?” His look of mild embarrassment told you that he did. It’squickly replaced by a look of raw irritation and anger when you add. ”So,technically, this your fault.”

“My fault?” You nod. “Hah.” He leaned forwards,having completely forgotten about his task. “If an idiot charges into thewilderness on their own and gets themselves hurt because they can’t deal with theyown ineptitude; how is that my fault?”

“Perhaps,” You push yourself up, to glarehim in the eyes. “The part where you MADE ME feel like an unwanted bag ofhammers? You told me yourself that I shouldn’t have bothered coming. That I’dbe more useful tending the camp.” Yourvoice got louder, angrier, with each word; the murmured voices outside the tentsilenced as you crescendoed.

Alarmed, Ezarel claps a hand over yourmouth, ignoring your struggles until the outside conversations begin again.

He looks at you for a moment, “I’ll admit it, I wasn’t the most welcoming,sure. But that doesn’t mean I shoulder the full responsibilityfor this.”

“You don’t.” You admitted, slumping backdown. “But don’t you dare pretend you’re completely innocent in this.”

“I’m not.” An admittance of his own. Howsurprising. You’d honestly thought he’d try washing his hands clean of the blame.Another surprise came when the harsh lines of his face softened unexpectedly. “Ididn’t mean any of it though.”

“And I’m the queen of Spain.” You hissed ashe began wrapping up your side again.

“I might’ve been…  a tad harsh, but that’s because I know thisregion. Despite what everyone says, this place is actually pretty dangerous. Asyou’ve no doubt figured out.”

“So, what? You figured instead of warning likea normal person, you’d just insult me until I left instead?”

At least he had the grace to lookembarrassed. “It seemed like a good idea at the time.”

“Yeah, well. Look what your ��good idea’ gotme.” You winced as he finally taped down the much too tight bandages,signalling the end of your treatment.

“Excuse me? Don’t forget who thought it’dbe a good idea to go spelunking in unknown caves.” He grinned at your silence. “You’dbetter get some rest now.” Collecting the medical supplies, he began to leave. “We’removing out tomorrow. Apparently, nobody wants to research when there’s a Kerit in the area.”

“You know we need to talk about thisproperly, right?” Normally, you wouldn’t care if you did or didn’t. You fought with Ez all the time, this should’ve beennothing new. But for some reason, this felt… icky. Like it’d forever stain yourrelationship with him if it wasn’t addressed.

“We do.” He agreed. “But not now. You needto rest, and I need to help pack up.”

You nodded, sinking into the bed – much to the reliefof your aching muscles – and letting the sounds of the camp lull you to sleep.

[thechronicliar]

Here are my Sterek stories that I wanted to write, but as I said a little while ago, I just won’t be. Basically under the cut is a detailed outline or description of what the story would have been like and if anyone wants to take it, go right ahead. But if you wanna know more, you can always send me an ask or something of the like. I’ll post the two chapter story outlines/what I have written later. This is just a few shorts that I had planned to finish, but obviously didn’t.

Stories include Derek deciding that he should just have a pack of dogs instead of trying to deal with a bunch of hormonal teenagers, Stiles getting cursed where his imagination changes the world around him to some degree, and more.

1. Marking Your Territory, or what I like to call “I licked it so it is mine” mentality.

Personally, I just thought it would be funny for Stiles to try to put claim on Derek and in the most stupid way possible.

Some of what I had written:

Researching about werewolves was easy. Figuring out what information was actually useful and not used for some half-baked fanfiction was a whole other matter. In fact, Stiles was almost certain that this current piece of information was completely and utterly horse shit, but that didn’t stop him from scurrying down the halls to where he knew Derek was with Erica, Boyd, Isaac, and some other werewolf that came here seeking something. Honestly, Stiles wasn’t listening to what the woman was talking about. He was too busy staring at how close she was standing to Derek and how interested Derek was in what she was talking about. There was no hint of his trademark, patent pending, “Grr” face.

By the time Stiles came to his senses to try and listen, Derek was already suggesting to take her back to his place with his pack to listen to help her out. He couldn’t even get to voice his disapproval before Scott was dragging him back to his jeep. It didn’t take longer than the second for Scott to step out of the jeep before Stiles was speeding his way back to Derek’s with possibly the most idiotic idea to come to his mind yet, and he went looking for a corpse. He couldn’t even remember where he got that tidbit of information anyways, he just knows that it sounds like a great idea. A perfect ideal. A horrible idea, was Stiles’ slowly panicking thoughts as he stood outside the closed off living room, loft, studio thing that Derek liked to ‘entertain’ guests (which currently and finally had a TV and wifi thanks to yours truly and Derek’s money). This was a horrible idea and he couldn’t back out now. There was no way they hadn’t heard him pull up and he wasn’t exactly quiet on his way up here.

He pulled open the door and glanced over the room. The six of them, now including Peter, stood in the middle of the room, not even sitting on the perfectly good couches that he forced Derek to buy. All of them had turned toward him questioningly, but surprisingly silent. Taking in a deep breath, Stiles locked his eyes on Derek and straightened. He could do this. He is a Stilinski. The pep talk wasn’t much, but it was enough to make him march up to Derek without breaking eye contact.

“Stiles?”

Stiles almost hesitated as Derek’s obvious confusion, but his determination kept him moving until he was toe to toe with the Alpha. Reaching up, he grasped the man’s too beautiful face and pulled him down, which was surprising all on its own that Derek would even let Stiles man handle him like this, but he didn’t have time to think about. He opened his mouth and ran his tongue up the length of Derek’s face.

And that’s about how much I got through. Basically ending with Stiles going “That’s all I wanted to say.” Not even explaining himself as he runs off after embarrassing the fuck out of himself and Derek. A pleased and flustered Derek following after him, cause seriously, I bet Derek would like it if someone liked him that much to make a fool out of themselves by doing something so stupid.

2. A Flirtation Disaster

This was going to be a short story where Scott got bit by someone else cause Derek and his sis didn’t come back while he was in high school. And now that Scott has a pack in Hale’s old home, they have come back to see what it happening. Stiles unknowingly flirts with Derek, makes an ass of himself, then goes to the meeting a little disappointed than shocked and soon to be panicking at seeing Derek there with is Alpha sis. Derek milks it.

I didn’t get much on this one.

“Did you have to kill someone to look as good as you do?”

The man in question paused with the brim of his drink just brushing parted lips. Hazel eyes narrowed as he lowered his drink. “Excuse me?”

Stiles, taking the obvious invitation to sit down, took the seat across from a literal being of sexual appeal. He tried to elude all the confidence he held within himself while he started to sweat under the unwavering glare. And when the confidence expectantly ran out soon after he sat down, he picked at the fraying on his sleeve, his eyes darting around the coffee shop. “Cause you look like the type of guy that would murder someone, not that you have killed someone. Or that you’d tell me if you did. Did you? Don’t answer that. I really don’t want to know. I want to live with the illusion that you are naturally that good looking without some catch.” And through all his quick rambling, the man across from him stared in awe as the glare vanished off his face. Stiles would have preferred the glare to this. The man looked moments away from asking if Stiles was dropped on his head when he was a kid. Time to try and salvage this.

“Do you happen to date guys that accuse you of murder??” Smooth.

Then add more horrible flirting and Derek worrying about his safety and maybe at the end, some vague flirting before an alarm goes on his phone stating he has to leave. Stiles is disappointed cause this could have gone a lot better and even if it was looking up, he failed to get the number of the godlike man. He’s then late for the meeting. And Derek decides to tease him throughout it, making subtle hints and jests at Stiles’ poor flirting techniques.

3. An Imagination is a Dangerous Thing

So, during one of the scooby gang’s little adventure, a trickster spirit decides to hit Stiles with a nice surprise. The spell or curse or blessing, however you wanna look at it, makes it where whatever Stiles is thinking about, happens. The more strong his emotional connection with the thought, the more likely it will happen. But it is limited. It’s not gonna bring his mom back or make the impossible possible.

It was fall break and Stiles was spending it chasing a trickster through the forest, in the middle of the night, on only three hours of sleep, and he was pretty sure he was lost. “GUYS!” Seriously? He understood getting lost in the moment, but did it have to be every single time? The pack had a tendency to leave him behind or in Derek’s words ‘not notice when Stiles runs off for whatever reason’. Which this all usually lead with him ending up getting hurt right about now.

Couldn’t decide if Derek was going to get hit by the spell first or the trickster just took a fancy to Stiles. TBH, I was leaning toward the latter. But after the spell is cast, everyone was worried about their human and brings him to get checked on by the pack’s vet, finding out what the spell was and how long it was to last.

Stiles inwardly panicking, cause his thoughts have been lacking in purity and have selected target. That paired with his inability to control said thoughts lead to funny and awkward situations with Derek.

Those not being limited to: Derek trying to leave and Stiles thinking he should stay, so the spell pulls Derek right back into the room, parking him into the seat. Stiles thinking that it would be nice to be carried by Derek. Stiles lying away at night and thinking of Derek, who crawls through his window, panting and pissed.

“Would you stop!”

“I can’t help it. My mind says no, but my body says yes.”

“Isn’t it your mind that we should be having a problem with?”

“…Yes, but that’s not the point I’m trying to make. This thing is hard to control.”

I’d also like to mention that Stiles has told no one of his crush on Derek and for the most part, no one knew or even suspected except Erica. So he would desperately try to play off his thoughts for being innocent. Like “We’re not done talking about this.” “I’m tired, I didn’t wanna walk.” All until he gets so tired of trying to fight it and just tells Derek. The others, probably catch on after the 5th incident of Stiles subconsciously calling out to Derek or at least getting him to take off his shirt. Derek may suspect or is completely clueless until Stiles says something, which would be funny. Derek just taking Stiles at his word all those times, a little upset that Stiles lied.

4. New Pack

This is basically where Derek gets a new pack of sorts and his little group of teens aren’t particularly happy about that. Derek gets a job as a dog walker and decides to hang with the dogs instead of dealing his pack and Scott’s pack. This disregards a lot of…well, nearly everything past season one, with the exception of gaining Erica, Boyd, Isaac, and Jackson as pack members. His uncle is still dead, but there is no asshole grandpa trying to kill everyone like his homicidal daughter.

First it is Derek’s pack that are taking the brunt of having to share Derek’s attention and slowly, so does Scott’s group, cause they too relied on Derek a lot and now that he doesn’t always have time to jump at whatever they need him for, they get a little sour about it too. Ha, just the thought of Scott or Stiles telling Derek that he needs to quit his job and has no real reason beyond that he feels neglected, but there is no way in fuck that he’s gonna say that, so instead insults Derek about his lack of being a good Alpha to his group. Yeah, that’ll show him.

Anyways, had a little written for it:

Honestly, they were taking the ‘kicked puppy’ look to a whole new level. It almost beat Scott’s puppy look, something Stiles thought impossible. All four of Derek’s betas stared sourly off in the distance, not even looking up as Stiles and Scott joined their table. Not even sparing a glance when Alison or Lydia joined the cafeteria table soon after. Jackson even pointedly ignored Lydia when she called his name, her glare had no effect on him. The silence was deafening.

“You guys look like someone ran over your puppy,” Stiles finally comment, mouth full of food. The mood of the four darkened considerably. “Seriously, what happened?”

The four shifted in their seats, avoiding anything that could be construed as eye contact.

“Is everything alright?” Scott asked, joining the one-man conversation. His perfected worried look was enough to make the group tense. “Was it Derek? Did he-”

Apparently, Scott was really good at hitting the problem on the head when Jackson abruptly shot up and stalked out of the cafeteria. The people parted like the red sea at his obvious anger. Shockingly, the three shot a not so subtle glare at Scott before Isaac ran off after Jackson. Have they really become that close after a few weeks? Was being able to silently communicate a werewolf gift? Was it like a smell? Teen spirit?

Wait. Derek. Of course, they’ll have to learn when the man barely says much. He really shouldn’t be that surprised. Over the past few months of the werewolf quartet learning their new selves and bonding, they must have made their own kind of language for ridiculously good looking people. He looked over at Lydia, hoping that she’d have a clue to their bad mood, but she looked confused as he did even though she joined the back soon after bringing Peter back.

“Ahhh,” Stiles educated started.

Erica glared at him sharply, a glare to actually rival Derek’s. “Shut up, Stilinski.” And then she too stood up and left the cafeteria.

The remaining group turned their attention to the remaining pack member and Boyd stared back unmoved. Stiles doubted they’d get anything from him. They’d have more luck calling up Derek. Scott started to speak up and only got through a syllable before Boyd too stood and left the area.

Stiles looked at who remained and dignifyingly aske:d “What the fuck just happened?”

Another possible way it would go:

Honestly, they were taking the ‘kicked puppy’ look too a whole other level. Stiles looked at the three betas from across the cafeteria and sighed as he took his tray their way. They barely acknowledged him when he sat down. “What’s with you guys?’

Boyd pointedly looked away.

Erica gritted her teeth and Stiles swore he heard something clawing under the table.

But Isaac was the worst. He had his head resting on the table with his arms barricading him. Wide blue eyes stared at Stiles sadly for a moment before Isaac turned his head away.

“Okay?” Stiles dragged out. “You guys look like someone killed your pup-”

“He left us,” Erica cut in.

“Who did what now?”

Wouldn’t mind combining the two, but certainly not my problem now.

Then Scott says a few things, thinking it was Derek that did something to piss them off, cause of his low opinion of Derek. Though he’s not totally wrong. The pack had left the table because they didn’t wanna hear Scott talking trash. Kind of wanted to add Scott saying something with Boyd and Erica still there and Erica biting his head off. Which I think would have worked better.

They go find Derek to get answers and finds him with dogs. Scott jealous. He wants a dog pack. The dogs love Derek too and don’t really care much for Scott, which makes the poor boy pout, but they do warm up to him after a bit, like Derek. They learn about Derek’s job and still don’t understand the pack’s anger. So they track down the others to see the huddled in Derek’s home. When they open the door, they all perk up with hope, only to look more sour than before that it isn’t Derek.

They learn that the pack is upset about Derek’s new job and how he hasn’t been around really. Or too tired to deal with them and rather be with those mutts. Erica’s words.

Derek is avoiding them in a way. He knows that his wolf lead him to each of his betas, but at times, he couldn’t stand them and it was hard to teach them something he’s known from birth, pack. And he sees his new jobs as an escape and well, instead of facing his problems, he’d rather be face deep in a dogs belly.

Stiles watching Derek lovingly take care of the dogs. “I never thought I’d say this, but I want to be petted.” And Scott looking at him horrified and somewhat disgusted.

It all becomes a heart warming tale when they finally learn that sometimes you actually have to say your words instead of expecting people to know exactly how you’re feeling. Not much of a Sterek story, but certainly has it’s moments. Stiles being the one that confronts Derek about how this is affecting his pack and how he actually has to be the Alpha and face them before they get permanent puppy faces. “Your pack won’t look intimidating if they all look like they would cry if you pet them.”

[catsundercherryblossoms]

|Ch. 12: Thunderstorms| Her Forgotten Past //Attack on Titan Fanfic//

"What’s happening?" I asked. My voice was surprisingly delicate and high. Not to mention terrified.

We were in a... house? No, a loft. It was dim, poor, and bare with little to no furniture.

Violent threats were being shouted from outside. The door trembled from all the pounds it was receiving.

"Open the door!"

"Daddy, I'm scared!" I said, tears rushing down my cheeks.

A man hurriedly picked me up in his arms. His face was blurry... I couldn't distinguish any features whatsoever. All I could pinpoint was the deep, gravelly voice that issued from him as he held me tight to his chest. We rushed towards the only window in the loft.

"You're going to be okay. I promise. Dadda promises." He said, positioning himself on the edge of the open window. The street below was a landing we could never survive. "Now, hold on tight!"

Crash! The door broke down.

"There he is! Kill him!"

We jumped out the window.

I opened my eyes. The first thing I saw was the ceiling of my bedroom. My heart thumped like I had received a burst of adrenaline, even though I knew full well that I had been in bed sleeping this whole time.

Did I have that dream again? It must've been the same one as always. There were many similarities. Except, in greater detail.

I rolled over in bed. I hugged the pillow, not really awake but not really asleep either. I kept thinking about the dream.

'Daddy, I'm scared...' I remembered with a pang.

Dad? In the dream, I said that? Was that man my father?

What if this dream... this dream that's haunted my sleep for years... what if it's not a dream at all? What if it's a memory?

This whole time... has my subconscious been showing me my past?

BANG! The door to my room flew open.

"Wake up!"

I was already sitting up, rubbing the tiredness out of my eyes. "What is it? What's going on?"

Petra stood by the door, her face ashen and her eyes frantic. "Come quickly."

I didn't even bother putting on my uniform. All I knew was that something terrible had happened. It didn't take a genius to figure that out. Petra led me down the many corridors of the castle headquarters, going down several staircases until we arrived at the first floor. I kept looking this way and that way, trying to find any disturbance. But there was none. That's when I noticed she was leading me outside to the courtyard. Huh... isn't this where Hanji runs her experiments?

The problem was big. Big enough for anyone to see.

It was Titan-sized.

I joined the accumulating crowd. Through the steam, we all watched as Hanji made a complete meltdown of herself, screaming and crying in front of two Titan carcasses. All that was left were the large bones, and those were disintegrating also.

I spotted Eren and approached him.

"It's too early for this shit." I sighed, rubbing my arms due to the early morning cold. I was still in my pajamas.

A tender look donned Eren's face. He chuckled softly. "Here," he took off his cloak and held it out for me.

I looked at it up and down. Was he serious? "Gee... thanks." I smiled appreciatively. A warm sensation flooded my cheeks, and I hoped to hell that I wasn't blushing. Lately that's all I ever do when he's around.... it's stupid and I didn't understand it, but it had to stop.

I mean... it's not like I....

'Impossible, Johanna', I shook the theory away.

I immediately felt warmer the second I threw on the cloak. Without meaning to, I noticed it smelled... nice. Like boy. But good, clean-smelling boy.

Smells are hard to register, okay?

'I must be out of my fucking mind to be thinking of stupid shit like this... Get a grip!' I berated myself.

"So, what happened here?" I asked, trying to occupy my thoughts with something else.

"Those were her Titan subjects, Sawney and Bean. She talked to me about them endlessly last night. I didn't get a wink of sleep." Eren said, stifling a yawn. He held a troubled gaze as he watched Hanji continue to wail. "But they were like her children... and whoever killed them didn't exactly benefit humanity. Sure, maybe they had a craving for vengeance after what happened in Trost. But now all of Hanji's research has gone down the drain. Not to mention, it'll probably be years until the Survey Corps can replace them. They're not easily captured."

What he said enlightened me. It's certainly not what I expected to hear from him. I looked at the barely-there, steaming carcasses. "Hm... You're right. I guess I never thought of it that way." I then smirked. "She really did a number on you, didn't she?"

He sighed tiredly. "She wouldn't shut up. It's good to see things from her point of view, though. But, fascinating species or not, I still hate these bastards." He glared at nothing in particular.

"Same here." I said softly. Soldiers were now trying to calm Hanji, to no avail.

Who could've done this? Who could've deliberately punched the Survey Corps in the gut like this? Well, whoever the culprit is... it was a dirty move on their part. And I have a feeling an act like this won't go unpunished.

A hand gripped my shoulder and I jumped. It was Commander Erwin, the last person I expected to see. He was leaning between us, and I saw he had his other hand on Eren's shoulder too, creating a huddle.

"Take a look around..." he said lowly. "Who do you think the real enemy is?"

My pupils sharpened at such a staggering question. What the hell did he mean? Erwin Smith, commander of the Survey Corps, the brilliant mind always working to fight the titans, and he was asking us... who the real enemy is?

There was something unsettling about the way he said it. It made me uneasy. But most importantly, it made me question my worldview. It was such a ridiculous and obvious question. But maybe... that's the point.

Could he be implying that after all these years, we were wrong? The Titans aren't the real enemy? If so, then who is?

"My bad. Loaded question." He muttered, and with that, he walked off.

But Eren and I shared equally suspicious looks. We both knew the Commander was being perfectly intentional.

* * *

The rest of the day was spent learning the formation for the 57th expedition. It was a shock to everyone when Erwin announced that it would be very soon. Tomorrow, to be exact. Everyone was nervous, including me. I wasn't necessarily wary for myself, but instead other people. Seeing a couple deaths was a guarantee. There was no such thing as an expedition without casualties.

I needed to mentally prepare myself for the gore. Especially since I was placed in one of the most dangerous flanks. I would be seeing a lot slobbery, glassy-eyed titans. But I believe in my skills, so I should be fine. If worse comes, I'll defend the other soldiers too.

I was on my way to meet Eren at the stables when Hanji approached me out of nowhere.

"Hey!" She said cheerfully.

"Oh, hi. Sorry about your loss." I told her, although she didn't look mournful in the least. Not anymore. But then again, people have different methods of dealing with grief. So who am I to judge?

"Yeah, pretty tough. But I'll always carry their memory right in here..." She patted her chest wistfully, right over her heart. "Ah... I'm gonna miss seeing Sawney's foaming smile every morning as I sip my coffee. But anyways!" She suddenly exclaimed, making me jump. "I'm here because I need something from you."

That can't be good. I narrowed my eyes. "What do you need?"

"A blood sample, of course!" She took a needle and a small vial out of her pocket.

"Excuse me?"

"Oh, don't worry too much about it. It's just for your registration file. I had to take a sample of Eren's blood, too!" She said. "Now, give me your hand."

I hesitated, but figured the quicker I get this over with, the quicker I get to meet Eren to do stable work. I extended my hand and she pricked my index finger with the sharp needle. It barely hurt, surprisingly. She collected a red drop or two inside the vial and hurried off, practically running back inside HQ without saying so much as a goodbye. I shook my head and didn't think much of it.

"Hey," I greeted Eren in the stables. "Thanks for helping me. Just make sure Corporal Levi doesn't find out, or he'll be pissed."

"It's no problem. A whole month of stable work is too much for one person to handle." He said, shoveling manure into a trash bag.

I began replacing the old, weather-beaten hay in the stalls with new fresh loads for the horses to eat. These were the faithful animals that would be taking us on the expedition tomorrow. They needed to be well nurtured. As I worked diligently, I soon became lost in thought. Mainly about the dream- or memory- from this morning. It was still a mystery to me. And I don't like mysteries.

"Hey, Eren... this might seem weird and personal." I said, "but... what do you know about your Dad?"

He tilted his head, puzzled, and shoveled more manure. "You mean, what do I remember? Well, he was always very private. But besides the fact that he hid the secret to saving humanity in our basement, he was a good father. Most of the time he was on the road curing sick patients. He was the best doctor in Shiganshina, after all. But I was always happy when he came home. In those private moments, he wasn't Doctor Jaeger anymore... to me he was just Dad." He wore a sad smile. "Why do you ask?"

"Oh, nothing. It- It was a dumb question..." I shook my head lightly and focused on the work at hand. I've only ever talked about the dreams with Jean. I don't know if I'm ready to share them with another person.

"It's okay, you can tell me."

"I'm fine, I prom-"

"Johanna." He said pointedly. I could already sense the concern building up inside him, so strong that it made him frustrated when people didn't explain themselves right on the spot. I've seen it happen with Mikasa and I was seeing it happen now with me. It was a unique mix of emotions that only Eren could possess. But I knew it was cause he cared.

I sighed and gave in. "Well, you know I can't remember much of my past. Or anything at all, actually. The first memory I have is from when I was... nine years old, I think? I woke up under a bridge in Trost not knowing who I was or who my parents were, or what the hell I was doing there. I was mindless. The only thing I owned was a blanket with my name on it and the clothes I was wearing at that time. It was a dark period in my life. I was very lonely..." I petted a spotted, caramel horse's mane. "Then Jean found me and he took care of me. If it wasn't for him, I don't know what would've become of me..." my gaze hardened. "But I've always had this dream. It comes to me at random, usually when I'm in a deep sleep. And in the dream... there's this man. And he's promising me that everything will be okay. Then there's shouting and all sorts of noise, and people trying to break into our home- but the point is, Eren... I think that man is my father. And I think this so-called dream is actually a memory."

He seemed genuinely interested. "Do you ever see the man's face? The man you think is your father?"

I smacked my lips, irritated with myself. All the frustration and hopelessness that I've accumulated for years suddenly came back. "No. The memory is always too blurry. Dammit, if I could just remember!" Without thinking, I kicked over an empty bucket.

"Woah, woah! Relax. Hey... it's okay." Eren assured me, gently placing his hands on my shoulders. "Stuff like this has happened before. There have been many cases where people suffer an accident, hit their heads, and wake up with amnesia. Then there's also me... when I Titan shift and lose control I can't really remember- but anyways, we know you're not a Titan. You don't steam up when you get physically hurt." He let out an embarrassed chuckle, but quickly returned to being serious. "What I'm trying to say is... the fact that you're remembering fragments of memory in your sleep is good. That's progress. So don't beat yourself up about it. And if you ever need someone to talk to... I-I know we haven't been friends that long. But I'm always here if you need someone to listen."

Perhaps it was a trick of the shadows, but Eren's irises seemed even more breathtaking than usual. Anyone who's met Eren knows that a wildfire inhabits him, forever burning anything and anyone that comes within sight. But what everyone doesn't know is that whenever he looks at me, that fire seems to cool down significantly. Almost like he doesn't want to burn me.

Like he sees me differently from the rest.

I noticed it the time he hugged me on top of the wall. I noticed it when he caught me in his arms yesterday. And I noticed it this morning when he gave me his cloak.

And now, as we stood face-to-face, completely alone except for the horses, it was happening again.

Perhaps it was just my imagination... but Eren's face appeared to be getting closer to mine with each passing second...

"WOOO! GET SOME, EREN!"

I rolled my eyes. "Shut up, Connie." But quickly realized... "Wait, Connie?!"

Apparently, we weren't completely alone. We turned and saw, to my surprise and mild embarrassment, our 104th comrades standing at the entrance to the stables. What were they doing here? I vaguely remember the Commander mentioning that new recruits would be joining today, but never in a million years did I think this many would show up...

Eren and I hurried to greet everyone.

"Reiner!" I gave the tall and buff blonde a hug. Then I hugged Bertholdt. Or more like his stomach. Geez, the man seemed to only be getting taller and taller... "I thought you two were joining the MPs? What happened?"

Reiner took the lead and answered, as usual. "The MPs are overrated. A true soldier does his best to help humanity, right Bert?" He nudged his friend in the ribs.

Bertholdt shrunk a little, rubbing his side as though it hurt more than intended. Once again, Reiner had underestimated his own strength. "Y-Yeah," He sounded rather unsure, "a soldier..."

Its probably just anxiety... this is the Survey Corps, after all. Its not exactly a fun-fest... I thought. "So... Annie left, I suppose?"

Reiner nodded a little sadly. "Yeah... there's no convincing her. She's been a lone-wolf ever since day one. Always doing her own thing."

Of course. I was stupid for thinking she could've had a change of heart. Annie's one and only wish was to join the MPs. I'm not disappointed... or at least, I'm trying not to be. We could still write and send each other letters. But I would definitely miss her. That emotionless bitch... who knew I'd grow so attached to her?

I guess its just Reiner, Bert, and me now.

"Hey, um..." Reiner said lowly. His expression suddenly darkened. "What were you and Eren doing here together?"

I took a quick glance over at Eren, currently talking to Mikasa and Armin. "I got into trouble so I was assigned stable work. Eren was nice enough to help me." I said casually.

He watched Eren intensely. "Really? Funny, it seems he was trying to clean your face more than anything else."

"What do you-"

I felt a tap on my shoulder, interrupting me. I turned to meet the person and almost gasped. "Jean!"

It felt like ages since I last saw him. In reality, that wasn't the case. But still, it felt wonderful to hug him tightly again.

Except something was wrong.

Call it intuition or whatever... but the hug was lacking something. Yes, he was here. But something was troubling him. I just knew it.

I parted- practically pushed him away. I stared at him and waited for him to explain himself. Where was Jean? The overweening, bláse Jean that I knew wasn't the one hugging me back. No... That look he had on his face... was frighteningly mournful.

"What is it? What's wrong?" I was already one step ahead of him. It had to be bad news. Nothing could convince me otherwise.

"Oh, hey Jean." A voice came from behind me. It was Eren, and he was walking up to us. "So you joined too, huh?"

But Jean cut right to the chase. "Marco's dead."

Those two words grabbed everyone's attention. But I had a feeling they all had received the news already, and Eren and I were the only ones shocked at the moment.

Marco... his kind, freckled face popped into my mind, and it was hard to believe none of us would witness his gentle-hearted smile again.

"I'm so sorry, Jean." I said solemnly. "You knew him better than any of us, I can't imagine the pain you-"

"What are you saying? Marco's not dead..." Eren said rather harshly. That's when I saw the denial spreading across his face.

I sighed. "Eren-"

"You're just kidding around. Its just a sick joke, right?"

"I wish I could tell you he died heroically or nobely. But the truth is, we don't know how he went out. Nobody was there to see it." Jean said. "But how about you, Eren? I heard that when you Titan-shifted, you tried to kill Mikasa. Do you mind telling us what that's all about?"

"You're wrong!" Mikasa stepped in. "He was swatting away a fly, nothing ha-"

"I wasn't asking you." Jean said as gently as he could. But clearly, there was a grudge building up inside of him.

Eren lowered his head, disgraced. "Apparently, its true. I tried to kill Mikasa." He admitted.

"Apparently?" Jean said indignantly. "As in, you don't remember? So what you're telling me is you can transform into a fifteen-meter Titan at will, but when you do, you don't actually have full control over it?"

I expected Eren to stand up for himself, but it seemed he planned to take the criticism without argument. "Thats right." He said honestly.

Jean sighed through his nose, the vein in his forehead bulging. He then turned towards everyone else. "You see that, guys? What a fine situation this is. Our lives and the fate of all mankind rests on his shoulders. I'm guessing we'll probably end up like Marco, dead before Eren even knows it."

"Stop it. Whats the point in chastising him now? Just give it a rest." Mikasa piped up again..

Jean eased a little. It appeared he was growing tired of hearing the same old story coming from her. "Listen, Mikasa... Unlike you, the rest of us aren't willing to throw our lives away for him on a whim. We need a reason. The truth. We need to know what we're laying our lives down for. What we want is a guarantee from Eren. Show us what you're worth. Prove it to us. We're asking you to make us believe you're worth dying for." He turned to Eren sharply. For a moment there I could've sworn he was going to throw a punch, but I was pleasantly surprised to see him putting his hands on his shoulders, gripping them firmly. "Do you think you can do that? If you can, then we're with you. All the way."

Ah... there it was again. The courageous fire blazing in Eren's eyes was enough of an answer.

* * *

Later that night

Funny how nature's loud, booming sound can put a person on edge.

Another bolt of lighting struck down, its white light flashing against my bedroom curtains. I turned over in bed, quickly pressing my pillow against one ear, and awaited the thunder.

BOOM!

I trembled a little. I wish I could say it was from cold, but its better to face facts and admit... the weather has got me quite shaken.

It was midnight, and the thunderstorm didn't look like it would be stopping soon. I wondered how anyone else could sleep through this. Especially when it so closely resembled...

'No, don't think that way... thats just your mind playing tricks on you.' I sighed and turned onto my back again, staring up at the ceiling. I clutched the blanket I've had since childhood, the one with my name knitted beautifully in purple. I still sleep with it at night out of habit. But tonight, I doubt I would ever get some sleep.

'I guess it wouldn't hurt to explore...' I thought, knowing full well that this wouldn't help my case at all. There's an expedition tomorrow in which my life and other's might hang on the balance, and yet, I already knew the possibility of sleep was nonexistent. Not in this weather.

I got out of bed and took the blanket with me, leaving my room behind as I stepped out into the dark hallways, going nowhere in particular, simply where my feet would take me. Speaking of feet... I was barefoot. The floorboards were cold and hard against my every step. Strangely enough, the feeling of being barefoot was nostalgic. Which didn't make sense, since I don't know from where or what time. Perhaps it was just another one of those vague deja-vu's buried in the untapped parts of my brain, deep where the memories of my past struggle to surface...

I'm sick of living this way. I feel like I barely know myself. My true self. But I also don't see anything I can do about it. Maybe it'll get easier as I age. That is... if I don't die at the hands of a Titan first.

I stopped in the middle of a staircase heading down, and I looked around. Thunder continued rumbling outside, and lightning flashed against the nearest window. It seemed to be getting louder and more violent. Another crack of thunder echoed throughout the castle and I jumped. Crap... Maybe this was a mistake. Maybe I should've stayed in bed after all.

Dammit... where am I? I couldn't recognize my surroundings. Wonderful. Thats what I get for being too immersed in my thoughts... now I'm lost. Oh well, when in doubt, keep going down?

I arrived at the first floor, but not any area that I recognized. Was I in the east wing, or the north wing? Or maybe the south wing... I truly had no idea. I wandered the open space, the chilly draft raising goosebumps on my arms, and after what seemed like hours, I finally encountered a door.

About time... I thought exasperatedly. But when I opened it, all I felt was disappointment as a set of spiraling stairs heading downwards was revealed. Ugh, great... more stairs. Just what I needed. I descended two steps, but not before I realized something critical. Wait a minute... does this lead to the basement? Isn't that where Eren sleeps?

Ten minutes later...

I must be crazy. I must out of my damn mind... I thought once I reached the last step, finally standing on flat ground again. The hallway ahead of me was straight and narrow. There were also, to my misfortune, many doors. Maybe he's just as chicken as I am and he can't sleep either... I looked for Eren's room, which was technically a dungeon. This proved to be easier than I originally thought. I came to a stop at an oak-wood door. It had a tiny, medieval look-through window, the perfect size for a pair of eyes to peer through. And inside, I could see the faint glow of candlelight.

I leaned into the door too much. It creaked open and I jumped back. What, no lock?

I debated going in or not. He's the only person I know well enough to talk to. Otherwise, I wouldn't be here in the first place. Besides... this was Eren. Why was I so fidgety?

The floor was even colder now when I entered. I tiptoed around the dark. The candle burning in the corner struggled to keep its flame alive, barely allowing me to see where I was going. Worst comes to worst, I'd ram straight into his bed and fall on top of him. And then... Well, then I would have some serious explaining to do.

I stubbed my toe on something and felt a sharp pain. "FUCK!"

"Wha- Who's there?" Eren's alert voice called out into the darkness.

Seconds of awkwardness, which I'm sure must’ve been full of confusion and fright for him, settled between us as he struggled to light a new candle. When the wick blazed with a bright, newborn flame, the room was still dimly lit. But good enough to see.

Eren was in his bed, disheveled and wearing a set of plain white pajamas. "Johanna?" He said, beyond surprised. He watched as I hopped around on one foot, grimacing. "What are- What time- I have so many questions..."

"Sorry, sorry. I know this is stupid. I didn't mean to wake you," I sighed and shook my head. "Don't get the wrong idea. I never meant to- You know what? I should just go." I turned towards the door, clutching my blanket in my hands tighter than ever now.

"Wait! Are you having trouble sleeping? Is that why you're here?" He asked.

I stopped defeatedly. I'm already in too deep... why lie myself out of this one? I didn't see the point anymore.

"Yeah." I admitted, and turning slowly, I stood at the end of his bed. I kept my eyes focused on everything in the room except him, embarrassed. "The thunder kept me awake. It, um... It sounded too much like titan footsteps. But down here is nicer, I guess. Its not as loud." I finished just as another boom of thunder announced itself. It crackled and echoed, but the sound was slightly muffled now, thanks to the depth of the basement. And yet... it still scared me anyway.

He rubbed his bloodshot eyes sleepily, a smile tugging the corner of his mouth. "Well, you can always sleep with me, if that'll make you feel be- Wait, no! Sorry let me rephrase that..." He laughed nervously. "You can sleep next to me. There's space here. Anyway, given how small you are, I'm sure this'll be enough room..." He shifted to the side.

Despite that last part, I raised a brow interestedly. "Really?"

"Sure, why not?"

Hesitant, I approached the side of the bed and sat down. Stupidly, I felt as if I were testing rough waters. I carefully laid down and turned onto my side facing him, getting comfortable. He threw the sheets over both of us and laid down.

Another rupture of thunder. I flinched a little.

"Hey, its okay." His voice was smooth as silk. "I'm here."

My head sunk into the pillow and all the tension in my muscles relaxed. Weirdly enough, the thunder didn't seem so scary anymore.

"Hey, Eren?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

* * *

.

.

.

.

"Congratulations. Its a match."

End of chapter 12

[allyinthekeyofx]

Small considerations between partners -11 ‘Must be an eggs-file’

Season one - Chocolate drops do not constitute medicine

Season two - You never gave up on me

Season three - Chasing his demons

Season four - Material things

Season five - There’s no place like home

FTF - To the ends of the earth

Season six - Swaying isn’t dancing

Season seven - Playing with fire

Season eight - Imperfect fish

Season nine - Sock monkeys that soothe the soul

Set pre IWTB a couple of years after ‘The truth’ Tagging @today-in-fic

I think it’s safe to say that if Scully hadn’t gotten sick I would in all likelihood have remained innocently oblivious to the deception that she had been perpetuating for the better part of half a year and while in the past we had both been guilty of keeping things from each other, I just can’t bring myself to even feel remotely aggrieved that she has been duping me in a singularly skilful way for all these months and that more to the point, I have fallen headlong for her simple ruse.

We had finally put down roots so to speak after two frightening years of constantly looking over our shoulders, afraid to stay in one place for more than a couple of weeks lest our carefully constructed and maintained anonymity be destroyed and alert the wrong people to our location.  And it had been hard – harder than I could ever have dreamed it to be because the novelty of finally being together after so much collective heartache had waned real fast and while we somehow managed to keep going despite the echoes of the past that lurked darkly around us, neither one of us really had either the ability or the inclination to bring up the ghosts that I think at that time, might have literally blown us apart.

Hanging by the merest thread we had managed at least to hold on to each other long enough to allow the continued interest in us to wane and for the manhunt to be pushed to one side, being deemed, as Skinner had informed us during one of our sporadic contacts with him, no longer in the interests of the FBI to actively pursue.  So although we were still fugitives in every sense, providing we didn’t draw too much attention to ourselves we were reasonably safe to finally stop; to take a breath, to find somewhere to settle and attempt to find a way to heal ourselves.

The little house in the Virginia countryside had been provided by Skinner but paid for with the money I had accrued from the sale of my Mother’s house in Connecticut and which, with a myriad of misgivings I had managed to disregard, I had once handed over to him for safekeeping.  Mostly to ensure that should Scully ever need to simply disappear with William, wheels could be set in motion that would allow her to start afresh somewhere else. And God help me but when I discovered the sacrifice she had been forced to make, I found myself wishing she had chosen to do just that and had never come looking for me.  But Scully is Scully and I should have known better; that she would find a way to somehow keep our son safe and still save my sorry ass just as she has always done.  And if that meant sacrificing a huge part of herself in the process…..well, for her that’s just how it had to be.

And if she harboured any resentment against me for failing them both she hid it well; perhaps realising that I resented myself plenty enough for both of us, that I was hanging on by the merest thread and it would take only the slightest push for me to go toppling from the edge of the mental abyss I found myself teetering precariously close to for days and weeks and months after she gave up everything and climbed into that SUV with me to stay with me while we attempted to salvage something from the ashes of our lives.

To finally settle in our ramshackle little house went a long way to allowing us to start the healing process and even more so when Skinner came to us one cool spring evening and informed us that the charges against Scully had been dropped; that providing I kept a low profile and myself out of trouble, there was no reason why she needed to hide anymore.  That finally she could emerge from the shadows, resume a career, contact her family – in short, she could become a fully functioning member of society again even if I couldn’t.

And so began the long, exhausting process of her re-certification into medicine and an internship offered after a significant amount of string-pulling by the local priest who Scully had been seeing on a semi regular basis ever since we bought the house, attempting I think to find some meaning in everything she had gone through during her long association with me.

But I missed her presence around the house, far more than I was prepared to admit to her because for the first time in years she seemed happy.  Fulfilled in her work in a way I think neither of us had ever even hoped, let alone expected might happen and I was determined that her needs should take priority for once because even if we didn’t vocalise it to any great extent, we both knew that  the weight of responsibility for much of what has been taken from her over the years sits squarely atop my shoulders.  So I had tried to make amends to her in small ways, moving forwards in increments so as to not make it all too obvious that I was finally able to take care of her in ways I had never had opportunity to before.

I spent that first summer planting flowers for her in the small back yard and fixing up the small henhouse that leant precariously against the side of the old barn, and if Scully had raised one perfectly sculptured eyebrow when I had enthusiastically suggested we should purchase some chickens, she was prepared as always to indulge me in my latest attempt to do something meaningful, realising perhaps that my days stretched long and empty when she was gone.

And so, a few weeks later after I had researched and implemented all the various ways to keep the chickens safe from predators including digging and lining the foundations of the coop with concrete slabs to prevent foxes from digging their way in, we became the proud caretakers of half a dozen prime Sussex layers, individually named by Scully but collectively known by both of us as simply ‘the girls’ when it became clear that aside from a particularly beautiful specimen with a rogue black feather at her breast who we named Matilda, the rest of the girls were pretty hard to tell apart.  It’s fair to say though that we became enamoured with them almost immediately, maybe they filled a need within both of us to take care of something wholly dependent on us for their continued survival and within a week they were rewarding us in various ways which included taking corn right from the palms of our hands and allowing us to pick them up and pet them like feathery dogs.  Unfortunately their gratitude didn’t actually extend to them producing any eggs for us and while initially I made excuses for them, as days stretched to weeks I was forced to admit defeat.

It actually hit me stupidly hard, much more so that I had expected and while I didn’t know how to vocalise it, the worried frown that creased Scully’s brow every morning when I once again returned empty handed was enough to tell me that I was making a piss poor job of hiding my disappointment from her or the fact that once again, I had failed.

Stupid yes.  Understandable? Maybe.

And every day she would smooth out her frown, smiling gently at me and telling me to give it a bit more time as she placed her small hands against my cheeks, standing on her tiptoes to brush her lips against mine as affirmation that she still believed in me even if I didn’t always know how to believe in myself.

Until one morning when I left her in the kitchen preparing breakfast, crossing over to the henhouse to release the girls into the grassy run for their daily sunshine fix before checking for eggs in an act of routine rather than one of hope, a huge grin splitting my face when I saw not one, but two smooth brown eggs in adjacent straw-filled boxes and quite honestly I think I felt happier at that moment than I had for probably the last couple of years.

Carefully, reverently almost I had carried those two precious eggs into the kitchen and produced them from behind my back with all the flourish of a magician pulling the proverbial rabbit out of the hat, feeling something tight and thin within me give just a little at the sight of Scully’s beautiful smile as she gave me that patented ‘I told you so’ look that I knew so well.

And each day after that without fail our egg yield grew until we could realistically expect at least a small clutch of four and if we were extraordinarily lucky and the girls felt particularly generous we might find a full quota of half a dozen.

Suffice to say we ate a lot of eggs that summer.

It never occurred to me to question the absolute uniformity and colour of those eggs or that they were always completely clean and totally devoid of any stray bits of feather or straw, but as a long-time city boy, my experience of eggs had been limited to the scrambled variety that adorned pieces of slightly burned rye toast at the various roadside diners and DC breakfast establishments we had both frequented over the years when we searched for truths that were as elusive as they were damaging.  

Egss are eggs are eggs after all.

Or so I thought until today.

Scully had come home early from the hospital, drooping pathetically and shivering like a rain-soaked whippet on a winters day.  She had been fighting a cold for the better part of a week, refusing my every effort to persuade her to slow down a little, to rest, to allow herself some respite from the punishing schedule that took her from the house and threw her into the pressured environment for upwards of fourteen hours at a time.  Fiercely independent as always she had dismissed my concerns with a wave of her hand and assertions that she was of course just fine.

But even Scully for all her talents can’t fight nature and she had now pushed herself to a point where a simple cold had morphed into a nasty case of bronchitis that, she had been warned by the physician at the hospital who had quickly provided a chair for her to collapse onto when she began to sway on her feet after a particularly vicious coughing fit, was just one small step from turning into full blown pneumonia.  Ordering her home to rest, sternly reminding her she was not just risking her own health but that of every patient in the hospital and arranged for someone to cover the remainder of her shift, he effectively rendered her all out of excuses as to why she should stay for the duration.

I had taken one look at her fever flushed face and ignoring her protests to the contrary had picked her up and carried her slight weight up the stairs to our bedroom where I had removed her shoes and laid her gently down on the bed, covering her with the warm down comforter we had only recently bought to replace the one that Skinner had provided when he hurriedly furnished the house with the essentials so as to be ready for our covert arrival many months ago.  She had reached out for me then, eyes already half closed as exhausted sleep began to claim her and I had curled myself against her, feeling her relax into the warmth of my chest, her breathing evening out as much as I could hope for given the circumstances.

I had woken her just once to help her change into more comfortable sleeping attire - which in Scully’s case meant well-worn soft flannel of the pyjama variety - to ensure she took her meds and drank something, before kissing her temple gently as she burrowed back beneath the covers and fell back into sleep, staying until I deemed it a safe bet that she wouldn’t awaken anytime soon and then left her in order to go retrieve her medical bag from the trunk of the car, knowing she didn’t like to leave it for any length of time given the amount of drugs it contained.

Sure enough when I popped the trunk, there it was in its usual spot.  Right beside a small stack of egg boxes, mostly empty aside from one which, out of the original dozen smooth brown eggs it once contained, now housed only four.  Four smooth unblemished brown eggs.  Four eggs that matched exactly the five I had gathered just this morning from the henhouse and placed carefully in the small wicker basket we kept on the kitchen countertop and which we had bought specially.

And suddenly it all fell into place.

The eggs we had been enjoying each day, that I had proudly collected and brought to Scully had not been provided by the six lazy Sussex girls that lived a life of luxury in our backyard, but by Scully herself as a way to give me a little of the self respect we both knew I had lost somewhere along the way, to allow me a small victory in amongst my many perceived failures; feeling my throat tighten and my face grow hot as tears filmed my eyes to blur the evidence of her continued love for me and even as I closed the trunk slowly I decided I will never admit to her that I know about the sweet duplicity she has engaged in all these months.

That the daily appearance of these shop-bought eggs will remain Scully’s secret.

A mystery that I will file under X.

Or eggs.

An eggs file.

And I start to laugh.

End

[entry96-blog]

Okay.

It's time. I’ve put this off for far too long. It’s time for me to share what happened to me that night in Chicago. You might be disappointed that I didn’t have a clear head for most of the night, as I gave up wandering quite early, at around 9 pm, stepping into a bar to warm up, then deciding to have a couple of drinks and some food because the bar was close to where I was staying, and I could easily walk back, and I guess ‘a couple’ of drinks became ‘a lot’ because my memories are, for the most part, quite hazy. Don’t worry, not all of it is, unfortunately. Alright, so I was in the bar, yada yada, kept to myself, and I still had that rose scent on, I got a few more compliments about smelling good, and nothing eventful happened then. It was snowing when I left, and much colder, so I zipped up my jacket and started walking. Now it was late, and I wanted to get back to my room as quickly as possible- thank you to those who gave me tips on navigating the city and it's people, very helpful, but I’m sure I disregarded all of it that night. So I’m walking, it's late. Very little people are out now, the time and the cold seemed to be a deterrent. I was just looking forward to crawling into bed and sleeping but clearly, that was not to be. I don’t remember when I became aware of the woman, but suddenly I looked up and she was there, maybe a block away, seemingly distressed, standing next to-no, pulling away from what I thought was a man at first, a man wearing black. She was speaking loudly and he was holding onto her arm and not letting her leave. I should have left them be, I should have moved to the other side of the street, but I didn’t. The next clear thing I remember was approaching the two, and seeing a strange, hazy look in the woman’s eyes, like she had been drugged, and then... The man turned to me. He was wearing a black coat and black pants, a bit tall, and everything was normal until I got to his face. My eyes may have been blurry before this moment because of the alcohol, I don’t know, but his features were...wrong. I remember just staring at him as he let go of the woman’s arm and she collapsed, and he faced me fully. Something was wrong with me, it was hard to think, it was hard to breathe, there was a constricting feeling in my gut and my chest. I think I tried to talk to him, tell him to leave the woman be (which was incredibly stupid of me now that I think about it. I’m a 175+ pound guy but I’m not a fighter)- but my voice didn’t come out. I remember his head slowly tilting, features changing, melting, and then the illusion was lifted and it let me see it for what it was. A blank, featureless face, pale, smooth, bald, just like the others. But this one was BIG. Over seven, maybe eight feet tall, and the clothes it wore weren't just weird markings on its skin like a piss poor excuse of a disguise, IT WAS WEARING CLOTHES. I remember the woman screaming and running as fast as her shaky legs could carry her, so it was clear she could see what I was too. It just stood there, and I just stood there frozen, horrified, because I knew, in some part of my boozed up brain that if I ran, it would be an invitation to chase, kill and devour me. I didn’t think these things, these Slenderbeings had any sentience, any awareness of what they are or what they did to humans, but... that’s where I was very, gravely wrong. I’ve gone over the memories over and over these past few weeks, trying to figure out a way my brain could have fabricated the next moments but I can’t. Its taken me this long to come to grips with what happened. It spoke. In English, it spoke to me. I remember seeing its empty face rip open horizontally, see a wet black maw filled with milky white teeth open in my direction, and I’m not ashamed to say it, I fucking pissed my pants. It hissed at me, and I swear I still hear that sound when I’m drifting off to sleep, a deep, alien noise that nothing on earth can replicate. Its tongue was slimy and black, and it stuck it out, much like a snake would, tasting the air and my peculiar scent before moving its jaws and speaking. I can’t describe what its voice sounded like, it was many things, it was in my head and in my ears and in my lungs, I felt sick and dizzy just from hearing it. I’ll never forget it either. It said: ‘You smell like me.” and then I’m pretty sure I blacked out. Not fully, or else I’d probably be dead, but enough to not be aware of moving, because when I ‘came to’ I was pelting down the wet sidewalk towards the lights of my hotel, and somehow, I made it. Now, to you, this may sound like nothing to flip out over, but you need to understand that Eli and I and everyone else who researches these things were operating under the assumption that they were driven by instinct, base animal processes, that their only purpose was to breed and feed, and now everything we know about them has been thrown into doubt and question. Was the large slenderbeing in Chicago an outlier, maybe one of a kind Or all they all capable of learning, of social order, and other things reserved for intelligent animals and humans? I dubbed the one I saw Subject X for my own sanity, and I’m going to donate my next paycheck to the lab where the person who tipped me off about X works, because holy shit. Another note, Eli spoke of aberrant treewalkers in his last post, and I’m inclined to agree on the subject of juvenile creatures being less adept at camoflauge. Perhaps the ones I’ve previously seen in the cities I’ve visited have been such, not knowing what clothes actually are for, they adopt a clumsy disguise to look more human. I left Chicago the very next day in broad daylight and have not left my apartment since I got back. What does this mean for how we approach these creatures? Can they possibly be reasoned with? Do all of them have the capacity to learn and consciously adapt? And is Subject Zero more intelligent than any of us first believed? These questions have not stopped haunting me. -J