#herforgottenpast

[catsundercherryblossoms]

Interviews with the 104th 🌙

a/n:  this was inspired by @idealerwin . I absolutely love their blog <3 i thought this would be a fun and lighthearted quick-read, because honestly, this story gets too intense even for me sometimes. Important! This takes place when the characters were still in their early days at training.

Enjoy 🌹

Q: What are your thoughts on Johanna Archer?

Instructor Shadis: She’s got too much nerve for such a small person. The little runt... I thought she wouldn’t last a day of training, but I must admit she proved herself one of the strongest soldiers in the 104th. Reminds me of that Ackerman girl...

Krista/Historia: We don’t talk much, but from what I’ve heard she’s not very sociable. I’m sure she’s just shy, though! Very pretty... I hope we get to be friends!

Jean: Jo? Heh... I’ve been wiping that kid’s snot since we were both children! *Johanna (off-screen): What was that?* N-Nothing! Anyway... she acts like she’s tough, but she’s a little... broken inside. She’s put up with me all these years. Not to get all sappy, but yeah she’s like a sister. Don’t tell her I said that, by the way.

Connie: Oh, that girl? Yeah, I’ve seen her around. She kinda scares me. Eren won’t stop bitchin’ about her in the boys barracks. It’s hard to get him to shut up sometimes...

Sasha: DID YOU SAY JO? AAHH, WHERE? IS SHE HERE? Oh... she’s not? Phew... Let me tell you, that girl is a beast at hand-to-hand combat. I still get nightmares from that time we fought together... plus, the way she beat up Eren... *shudder* I wouldn’t cross her if I were you.

Marco: I’m sure she’s a nice person despite that apathetic facade. To be honest, Jean knows her better than me. But I do think she’s a great leader! I’m sure her and Jean will be put in positions of leadership in the future.

Annie: A bitch. A badass one, at that. I guess it explains why we get along so well. She’s a good friend. Yes, that’s it.

Reiner: Jo Archer? Girl’s got a mean left-hook, I’ll tell you that. It’s uhh... it’s kinda hot.

Bertholdt: Oh, Johanna’s great. She knows I’m shy, so we only talk sometimes. *Interviewer: is that it?* uhhh... Annie seems to like her?

Armin: She’s a great soldier. I admire her strength, actually. She’s a good example when it comes to grit. Although, I can’t say the same for her social skills. I hear from Eren that’s she’s... a couple of things I can’t say on camera right now. Heh, but I get the feeling he secretly admires her too.

Mikasa: Jo is a good soldier and person. I don’t mind her presence, if that’s what you mean.

Ymir: Who?

Eren: *triggered* Oh, I could write a novel. She’s aggressive, cocky, and way too stuck-up. She didn’t give her bread to Sasha that one time! What was that about? I mean, who cares that she has perfect hair, nice teeth, and smells like vanilla... *looks at interviewer* What’s that look for?

Q: What are your thoughts on Eren Jaeger?

Johanna, lounging casually in Corporal Levi’s office chair and holding her 2nd wineglass: Don’t get me started.

[catsundercherryblossoms]

|Ch. 12: Thunderstorms| Her Forgotten Past //Attack on Titan Fanfic//

"What’s happening?" I asked. My voice was surprisingly delicate and high. Not to mention terrified.

We were in a... house? No, a loft. It was dim, poor, and bare with little to no furniture.

Violent threats were being shouted from outside. The door trembled from all the pounds it was receiving.

"Open the door!"

"Daddy, I'm scared!" I said, tears rushing down my cheeks.

A man hurriedly picked me up in his arms. His face was blurry... I couldn't distinguish any features whatsoever. All I could pinpoint was the deep, gravelly voice that issued from him as he held me tight to his chest. We rushed towards the only window in the loft.

"You're going to be okay. I promise. Dadda promises." He said, positioning himself on the edge of the open window. The street below was a landing we could never survive. "Now, hold on tight!"

Crash! The door broke down.

"There he is! Kill him!"

We jumped out the window.

I opened my eyes. The first thing I saw was the ceiling of my bedroom. My heart thumped like I had received a burst of adrenaline, even though I knew full well that I had been in bed sleeping this whole time.

Did I have that dream again? It must've been the same one as always. There were many similarities. Except, in greater detail.

I rolled over in bed. I hugged the pillow, not really awake but not really asleep either. I kept thinking about the dream.

'Daddy, I'm scared...' I remembered with a pang.

Dad? In the dream, I said that? Was that man my father?

What if this dream... this dream that's haunted my sleep for years... what if it's not a dream at all? What if it's a memory?

This whole time... has my subconscious been showing me my past?

BANG! The door to my room flew open.

"Wake up!"

I was already sitting up, rubbing the tiredness out of my eyes. "What is it? What's going on?"

Petra stood by the door, her face ashen and her eyes frantic. "Come quickly."

I didn't even bother putting on my uniform. All I knew was that something terrible had happened. It didn't take a genius to figure that out. Petra led me down the many corridors of the castle headquarters, going down several staircases until we arrived at the first floor. I kept looking this way and that way, trying to find any disturbance. But there was none. That's when I noticed she was leading me outside to the courtyard. Huh... isn't this where Hanji runs her experiments?

The problem was big. Big enough for anyone to see.

It was Titan-sized.

I joined the accumulating crowd. Through the steam, we all watched as Hanji made a complete meltdown of herself, screaming and crying in front of two Titan carcasses. All that was left were the large bones, and those were disintegrating also.

I spotted Eren and approached him.

"It's too early for this shit." I sighed, rubbing my arms due to the early morning cold. I was still in my pajamas.

A tender look donned Eren's face. He chuckled softly. "Here," he took off his cloak and held it out for me.

I looked at it up and down. Was he serious? "Gee... thanks." I smiled appreciatively. A warm sensation flooded my cheeks, and I hoped to hell that I wasn't blushing. Lately that's all I ever do when he's around.... it's stupid and I didn't understand it, but it had to stop.

I mean... it's not like I....

'Impossible, Johanna', I shook the theory away.

I immediately felt warmer the second I threw on the cloak. Without meaning to, I noticed it smelled... nice. Like boy. But good, clean-smelling boy.

Smells are hard to register, okay?

'I must be out of my fucking mind to be thinking of stupid shit like this... Get a grip!' I berated myself.

"So, what happened here?" I asked, trying to occupy my thoughts with something else.

"Those were her Titan subjects, Sawney and Bean. She talked to me about them endlessly last night. I didn't get a wink of sleep." Eren said, stifling a yawn. He held a troubled gaze as he watched Hanji continue to wail. "But they were like her children... and whoever killed them didn't exactly benefit humanity. Sure, maybe they had a craving for vengeance after what happened in Trost. But now all of Hanji's research has gone down the drain. Not to mention, it'll probably be years until the Survey Corps can replace them. They're not easily captured."

What he said enlightened me. It's certainly not what I expected to hear from him. I looked at the barely-there, steaming carcasses. "Hm... You're right. I guess I never thought of it that way." I then smirked. "She really did a number on you, didn't she?"

He sighed tiredly. "She wouldn't shut up. It's good to see things from her point of view, though. But, fascinating species or not, I still hate these bastards." He glared at nothing in particular.

"Same here." I said softly. Soldiers were now trying to calm Hanji, to no avail.

Who could've done this? Who could've deliberately punched the Survey Corps in the gut like this? Well, whoever the culprit is... it was a dirty move on their part. And I have a feeling an act like this won't go unpunished.

A hand gripped my shoulder and I jumped. It was Commander Erwin, the last person I expected to see. He was leaning between us, and I saw he had his other hand on Eren's shoulder too, creating a huddle.

"Take a look around..." he said lowly. "Who do you think the real enemy is?"

My pupils sharpened at such a staggering question. What the hell did he mean? Erwin Smith, commander of the Survey Corps, the brilliant mind always working to fight the titans, and he was asking us... who the real enemy is?

There was something unsettling about the way he said it. It made me uneasy. But most importantly, it made me question my worldview. It was such a ridiculous and obvious question. But maybe... that's the point.

Could he be implying that after all these years, we were wrong? The Titans aren't the real enemy? If so, then who is?

"My bad. Loaded question." He muttered, and with that, he walked off.

But Eren and I shared equally suspicious looks. We both knew the Commander was being perfectly intentional.

* * *

The rest of the day was spent learning the formation for the 57th expedition. It was a shock to everyone when Erwin announced that it would be very soon. Tomorrow, to be exact. Everyone was nervous, including me. I wasn't necessarily wary for myself, but instead other people. Seeing a couple deaths was a guarantee. There was no such thing as an expedition without casualties.

I needed to mentally prepare myself for the gore. Especially since I was placed in one of the most dangerous flanks. I would be seeing a lot slobbery, glassy-eyed titans. But I believe in my skills, so I should be fine. If worse comes, I'll defend the other soldiers too.

I was on my way to meet Eren at the stables when Hanji approached me out of nowhere.

"Hey!" She said cheerfully.

"Oh, hi. Sorry about your loss." I told her, although she didn't look mournful in the least. Not anymore. But then again, people have different methods of dealing with grief. So who am I to judge?

"Yeah, pretty tough. But I'll always carry their memory right in here..." She patted her chest wistfully, right over her heart. "Ah... I'm gonna miss seeing Sawney's foaming smile every morning as I sip my coffee. But anyways!" She suddenly exclaimed, making me jump. "I'm here because I need something from you."

That can't be good. I narrowed my eyes. "What do you need?"

"A blood sample, of course!" She took a needle and a small vial out of her pocket.

"Excuse me?"

"Oh, don't worry too much about it. It's just for your registration file. I had to take a sample of Eren's blood, too!" She said. "Now, give me your hand."

I hesitated, but figured the quicker I get this over with, the quicker I get to meet Eren to do stable work. I extended my hand and she pricked my index finger with the sharp needle. It barely hurt, surprisingly. She collected a red drop or two inside the vial and hurried off, practically running back inside HQ without saying so much as a goodbye. I shook my head and didn't think much of it.

"Hey," I greeted Eren in the stables. "Thanks for helping me. Just make sure Corporal Levi doesn't find out, or he'll be pissed."

"It's no problem. A whole month of stable work is too much for one person to handle." He said, shoveling manure into a trash bag.

I began replacing the old, weather-beaten hay in the stalls with new fresh loads for the horses to eat. These were the faithful animals that would be taking us on the expedition tomorrow. They needed to be well nurtured. As I worked diligently, I soon became lost in thought. Mainly about the dream- or memory- from this morning. It was still a mystery to me. And I don't like mysteries.

"Hey, Eren... this might seem weird and personal." I said, "but... what do you know about your Dad?"

He tilted his head, puzzled, and shoveled more manure. "You mean, what do I remember? Well, he was always very private. But besides the fact that he hid the secret to saving humanity in our basement, he was a good father. Most of the time he was on the road curing sick patients. He was the best doctor in Shiganshina, after all. But I was always happy when he came home. In those private moments, he wasn't Doctor Jaeger anymore... to me he was just Dad." He wore a sad smile. "Why do you ask?"

"Oh, nothing. It- It was a dumb question..." I shook my head lightly and focused on the work at hand. I've only ever talked about the dreams with Jean. I don't know if I'm ready to share them with another person.

"It's okay, you can tell me."

"I'm fine, I prom-"

"Johanna." He said pointedly. I could already sense the concern building up inside him, so strong that it made him frustrated when people didn't explain themselves right on the spot. I've seen it happen with Mikasa and I was seeing it happen now with me. It was a unique mix of emotions that only Eren could possess. But I knew it was cause he cared.

I sighed and gave in. "Well, you know I can't remember much of my past. Or anything at all, actually. The first memory I have is from when I was... nine years old, I think? I woke up under a bridge in Trost not knowing who I was or who my parents were, or what the hell I was doing there. I was mindless. The only thing I owned was a blanket with my name on it and the clothes I was wearing at that time. It was a dark period in my life. I was very lonely..." I petted a spotted, caramel horse's mane. "Then Jean found me and he took care of me. If it wasn't for him, I don't know what would've become of me..." my gaze hardened. "But I've always had this dream. It comes to me at random, usually when I'm in a deep sleep. And in the dream... there's this man. And he's promising me that everything will be okay. Then there's shouting and all sorts of noise, and people trying to break into our home- but the point is, Eren... I think that man is my father. And I think this so-called dream is actually a memory."

He seemed genuinely interested. "Do you ever see the man's face? The man you think is your father?"

I smacked my lips, irritated with myself. All the frustration and hopelessness that I've accumulated for years suddenly came back. "No. The memory is always too blurry. Dammit, if I could just remember!" Without thinking, I kicked over an empty bucket.

"Woah, woah! Relax. Hey... it's okay." Eren assured me, gently placing his hands on my shoulders. "Stuff like this has happened before. There have been many cases where people suffer an accident, hit their heads, and wake up with amnesia. Then there's also me... when I Titan shift and lose control I can't really remember- but anyways, we know you're not a Titan. You don't steam up when you get physically hurt." He let out an embarrassed chuckle, but quickly returned to being serious. "What I'm trying to say is... the fact that you're remembering fragments of memory in your sleep is good. That's progress. So don't beat yourself up about it. And if you ever need someone to talk to... I-I know we haven't been friends that long. But I'm always here if you need someone to listen."

Perhaps it was a trick of the shadows, but Eren's irises seemed even more breathtaking than usual. Anyone who's met Eren knows that a wildfire inhabits him, forever burning anything and anyone that comes within sight. But what everyone doesn't know is that whenever he looks at me, that fire seems to cool down significantly. Almost like he doesn't want to burn me.

Like he sees me differently from the rest.

I noticed it the time he hugged me on top of the wall. I noticed it when he caught me in his arms yesterday. And I noticed it this morning when he gave me his cloak.

And now, as we stood face-to-face, completely alone except for the horses, it was happening again.

Perhaps it was just my imagination... but Eren's face appeared to be getting closer to mine with each passing second...

"WOOO! GET SOME, EREN!"

I rolled my eyes. "Shut up, Connie." But quickly realized... "Wait, Connie?!"

Apparently, we weren't completely alone. We turned and saw, to my surprise and mild embarrassment, our 104th comrades standing at the entrance to the stables. What were they doing here? I vaguely remember the Commander mentioning that new recruits would be joining today, but never in a million years did I think this many would show up...

Eren and I hurried to greet everyone.

"Reiner!" I gave the tall and buff blonde a hug. Then I hugged Bertholdt. Or more like his stomach. Geez, the man seemed to only be getting taller and taller... "I thought you two were joining the MPs? What happened?"

Reiner took the lead and answered, as usual. "The MPs are overrated. A true soldier does his best to help humanity, right Bert?" He nudged his friend in the ribs.

Bertholdt shrunk a little, rubbing his side as though it hurt more than intended. Once again, Reiner had underestimated his own strength. "Y-Yeah," He sounded rather unsure, "a soldier..."

Its probably just anxiety... this is the Survey Corps, after all. Its not exactly a fun-fest... I thought. "So... Annie left, I suppose?"

Reiner nodded a little sadly. "Yeah... there's no convincing her. She's been a lone-wolf ever since day one. Always doing her own thing."

Of course. I was stupid for thinking she could've had a change of heart. Annie's one and only wish was to join the MPs. I'm not disappointed... or at least, I'm trying not to be. We could still write and send each other letters. But I would definitely miss her. That emotionless bitch... who knew I'd grow so attached to her?

I guess its just Reiner, Bert, and me now.

"Hey, um..." Reiner said lowly. His expression suddenly darkened. "What were you and Eren doing here together?"

I took a quick glance over at Eren, currently talking to Mikasa and Armin. "I got into trouble so I was assigned stable work. Eren was nice enough to help me." I said casually.

He watched Eren intensely. "Really? Funny, it seems he was trying to clean your face more than anything else."

"What do you-"

I felt a tap on my shoulder, interrupting me. I turned to meet the person and almost gasped. "Jean!"

It felt like ages since I last saw him. In reality, that wasn't the case. But still, it felt wonderful to hug him tightly again.

Except something was wrong.

Call it intuition or whatever... but the hug was lacking something. Yes, he was here. But something was troubling him. I just knew it.

I parted- practically pushed him away. I stared at him and waited for him to explain himself. Where was Jean? The overweening, bláse Jean that I knew wasn't the one hugging me back. No... That look he had on his face... was frighteningly mournful.

"What is it? What's wrong?" I was already one step ahead of him. It had to be bad news. Nothing could convince me otherwise.

"Oh, hey Jean." A voice came from behind me. It was Eren, and he was walking up to us. "So you joined too, huh?"

But Jean cut right to the chase. "Marco's dead."

Those two words grabbed everyone's attention. But I had a feeling they all had received the news already, and Eren and I were the only ones shocked at the moment.

Marco... his kind, freckled face popped into my mind, and it was hard to believe none of us would witness his gentle-hearted smile again.

"I'm so sorry, Jean." I said solemnly. "You knew him better than any of us, I can't imagine the pain you-"

"What are you saying? Marco's not dead..." Eren said rather harshly. That's when I saw the denial spreading across his face.

I sighed. "Eren-"

"You're just kidding around. Its just a sick joke, right?"

"I wish I could tell you he died heroically or nobely. But the truth is, we don't know how he went out. Nobody was there to see it." Jean said. "But how about you, Eren? I heard that when you Titan-shifted, you tried to kill Mikasa. Do you mind telling us what that's all about?"

"You're wrong!" Mikasa stepped in. "He was swatting away a fly, nothing ha-"

"I wasn't asking you." Jean said as gently as he could. But clearly, there was a grudge building up inside of him.

Eren lowered his head, disgraced. "Apparently, its true. I tried to kill Mikasa." He admitted.

"Apparently?" Jean said indignantly. "As in, you don't remember? So what you're telling me is you can transform into a fifteen-meter Titan at will, but when you do, you don't actually have full control over it?"

I expected Eren to stand up for himself, but it seemed he planned to take the criticism without argument. "Thats right." He said honestly.

Jean sighed through his nose, the vein in his forehead bulging. He then turned towards everyone else. "You see that, guys? What a fine situation this is. Our lives and the fate of all mankind rests on his shoulders. I'm guessing we'll probably end up like Marco, dead before Eren even knows it."

"Stop it. Whats the point in chastising him now? Just give it a rest." Mikasa piped up again..

Jean eased a little. It appeared he was growing tired of hearing the same old story coming from her. "Listen, Mikasa... Unlike you, the rest of us aren't willing to throw our lives away for him on a whim. We need a reason. The truth. We need to know what we're laying our lives down for. What we want is a guarantee from Eren. Show us what you're worth. Prove it to us. We're asking you to make us believe you're worth dying for." He turned to Eren sharply. For a moment there I could've sworn he was going to throw a punch, but I was pleasantly surprised to see him putting his hands on his shoulders, gripping them firmly. "Do you think you can do that? If you can, then we're with you. All the way."

Ah... there it was again. The courageous fire blazing in Eren's eyes was enough of an answer.

* * *

Later that night

Funny how nature's loud, booming sound can put a person on edge.

Another bolt of lighting struck down, its white light flashing against my bedroom curtains. I turned over in bed, quickly pressing my pillow against one ear, and awaited the thunder.

BOOM!

I trembled a little. I wish I could say it was from cold, but its better to face facts and admit... the weather has got me quite shaken.

It was midnight, and the thunderstorm didn't look like it would be stopping soon. I wondered how anyone else could sleep through this. Especially when it so closely resembled...

'No, don't think that way... thats just your mind playing tricks on you.' I sighed and turned onto my back again, staring up at the ceiling. I clutched the blanket I've had since childhood, the one with my name knitted beautifully in purple. I still sleep with it at night out of habit. But tonight, I doubt I would ever get some sleep.

'I guess it wouldn't hurt to explore...' I thought, knowing full well that this wouldn't help my case at all. There's an expedition tomorrow in which my life and other's might hang on the balance, and yet, I already knew the possibility of sleep was nonexistent. Not in this weather.

I got out of bed and took the blanket with me, leaving my room behind as I stepped out into the dark hallways, going nowhere in particular, simply where my feet would take me. Speaking of feet... I was barefoot. The floorboards were cold and hard against my every step. Strangely enough, the feeling of being barefoot was nostalgic. Which didn't make sense, since I don't know from where or what time. Perhaps it was just another one of those vague deja-vu's buried in the untapped parts of my brain, deep where the memories of my past struggle to surface...

I'm sick of living this way. I feel like I barely know myself. My true self. But I also don't see anything I can do about it. Maybe it'll get easier as I age. That is... if I don't die at the hands of a Titan first.

I stopped in the middle of a staircase heading down, and I looked around. Thunder continued rumbling outside, and lightning flashed against the nearest window. It seemed to be getting louder and more violent. Another crack of thunder echoed throughout the castle and I jumped. Crap... Maybe this was a mistake. Maybe I should've stayed in bed after all.

Dammit... where am I? I couldn't recognize my surroundings. Wonderful. Thats what I get for being too immersed in my thoughts... now I'm lost. Oh well, when in doubt, keep going down?

I arrived at the first floor, but not any area that I recognized. Was I in the east wing, or the north wing? Or maybe the south wing... I truly had no idea. I wandered the open space, the chilly draft raising goosebumps on my arms, and after what seemed like hours, I finally encountered a door.

About time... I thought exasperatedly. But when I opened it, all I felt was disappointment as a set of spiraling stairs heading downwards was revealed. Ugh, great... more stairs. Just what I needed. I descended two steps, but not before I realized something critical. Wait a minute... does this lead to the basement? Isn't that where Eren sleeps?

Ten minutes later...

I must be crazy. I must out of my damn mind... I thought once I reached the last step, finally standing on flat ground again. The hallway ahead of me was straight and narrow. There were also, to my misfortune, many doors. Maybe he's just as chicken as I am and he can't sleep either... I looked for Eren's room, which was technically a dungeon. This proved to be easier than I originally thought. I came to a stop at an oak-wood door. It had a tiny, medieval look-through window, the perfect size for a pair of eyes to peer through. And inside, I could see the faint glow of candlelight.

I leaned into the door too much. It creaked open and I jumped back. What, no lock?

I debated going in or not. He's the only person I know well enough to talk to. Otherwise, I wouldn't be here in the first place. Besides... this was Eren. Why was I so fidgety?

The floor was even colder now when I entered. I tiptoed around the dark. The candle burning in the corner struggled to keep its flame alive, barely allowing me to see where I was going. Worst comes to worst, I'd ram straight into his bed and fall on top of him. And then... Well, then I would have some serious explaining to do.

I stubbed my toe on something and felt a sharp pain. "FUCK!"

"Wha- Who's there?" Eren's alert voice called out into the darkness.

Seconds of awkwardness, which I'm sure must’ve been full of confusion and fright for him, settled between us as he struggled to light a new candle. When the wick blazed with a bright, newborn flame, the room was still dimly lit. But good enough to see.

Eren was in his bed, disheveled and wearing a set of plain white pajamas. "Johanna?" He said, beyond surprised. He watched as I hopped around on one foot, grimacing. "What are- What time- I have so many questions..."

"Sorry, sorry. I know this is stupid. I didn't mean to wake you," I sighed and shook my head. "Don't get the wrong idea. I never meant to- You know what? I should just go." I turned towards the door, clutching my blanket in my hands tighter than ever now.

"Wait! Are you having trouble sleeping? Is that why you're here?" He asked.

I stopped defeatedly. I'm already in too deep... why lie myself out of this one? I didn't see the point anymore.

"Yeah." I admitted, and turning slowly, I stood at the end of his bed. I kept my eyes focused on everything in the room except him, embarrassed. "The thunder kept me awake. It, um... It sounded too much like titan footsteps. But down here is nicer, I guess. Its not as loud." I finished just as another boom of thunder announced itself. It crackled and echoed, but the sound was slightly muffled now, thanks to the depth of the basement. And yet... it still scared me anyway.

He rubbed his bloodshot eyes sleepily, a smile tugging the corner of his mouth. "Well, you can always sleep with me, if that'll make you feel be- Wait, no! Sorry let me rephrase that..." He laughed nervously. "You can sleep next to me. There's space here. Anyway, given how small you are, I'm sure this'll be enough room..." He shifted to the side.

Despite that last part, I raised a brow interestedly. "Really?"

"Sure, why not?"

Hesitant, I approached the side of the bed and sat down. Stupidly, I felt as if I were testing rough waters. I carefully laid down and turned onto my side facing him, getting comfortable. He threw the sheets over both of us and laid down.

Another rupture of thunder. I flinched a little.

"Hey, its okay." His voice was smooth as silk. "I'm here."

My head sunk into the pillow and all the tension in my muscles relaxed. Weirdly enough, the thunder didn't seem so scary anymore.

"Hey, Eren?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

* * *

.

.

.

.

"Congratulations. Its a match."

End of chapter 12

[catsundercherryblossoms]

|Chapter 9: Man or Monster?| Her Forgotten Past // Attack on Titan fanfic//

I sat on a large crate, a jug of water in my hands. No matter how much I drank my throat still remained parched. How long was it since the cannon fire? Hours or minutes? How much time had I spent staring at the floor, stuck in a limbo of madness?

"You're shaking like a leaf." A voice said.

I unglued my gaze from the floor and saw Reiner standing next to me, arms folded and head tilted sympathetically.

I tried to smile. I really did. Perhaps in my mind, I pictured myself smiling back politely like any normal person, but nothing about me felt normal at the moment. In reality, I gave him a nod of acknowledgement and continued staring down.

"Hey, everything's going to be okay." He sat down besides me. "Once this is over, it'll be like old times again. Just you, me, Bertholdt, and Annie. A life together in the MPs is waiting for us."

"Thanks, Reiner." I said. The corners of my lips barely lifted into a smile.

He frowned. "But?"

I let out a sigh, defeated. He must've read my gaze. Reiner always, since I first met him, had this annoying habit of reading me. I didn't like it.

"Reiner, I don't know if..." I hesitated.

"If what?"

The battle wasn't over yet. Only a fool would think that. There was definitely going to be more bloodshed. I don't know how I knew, but I trusted my intuition nonetheless. The future seemed so uncertain. Would I survive to see tomorrow? Or would I die at the hands of a Titan? Say I actually make it out alive... what next? My dreams of joining the Military Police and living the comfortable life I've always wanted now felt so meaningless. It was the main goal that kept me persevering through three years of training, and now it didn't mean shit to me. This battle... all the horrors that I witnessed in a span of hours had reduced that goal to the worth of dirt. I mean, how can I possibly choose the Military Police after all that I've experienced? It'd be like turning my back on those who died. No, I've seen too much. All my life I was dormant. Ignorant. But now my eyes have been opened. I've seen humanity for what it really is: caged animals. We live in fear of the Titans. Inside these walls, we are born cowards and we will stay cowards unless we fight back.

I'm not the same person I was hours ago, on top of the wall, cleaning the cannons with my comrades. That all changed the second the Colossal Titan appeared. My worldview was entirely changed. I couldn't go putting a blindfold on myself now. Not after everything I've seen.

"I don't think I can join the MPs." I said finally. It felt good to let it out.

Reiner looked confused. "What? Of course you can. You made the top ten!"

"Sorry, let me rephrase that." I explained, "I don't want to join the MPs anymore."

Creases formed on his forehead. "Jo, no offense, but maybe you should consider your mental state right now. What you just went through is scarring. Maybe you shouldn't be making decisions—"

"That's exactly why I can't go join them, Reiner!" I said, a bit snappy. "I've been scarred! Living in the interior— its all materialistic! There's no purpose, no worth! I want more than that." I paused. An emblem of wings popped into my mind. "I think... I want to join the Survey Corps."

"Are you insa—" he stopped himself, and rethinking his words, he continued, "You're going to get yourself killed. Please, at least join the Garrison."

"Reiner, I can protect myself. Why are you acting so weird all of a sudden? You're usually so supportive." I stood up, facing him and folding my arms stubbornly.

He stood up too. "Its that suicidal bastard, isn't it? Damn it, I knew he'd get to you."

"Who, Eren?" I huffed. "He has nothing to do with this! It's my decision."

"Really? How come all of a sudden you have a knack for becoming Titan food?"

I gritted my teeth. "Annie would be more supportive."

"Yeah, well Annie doesn't have feelings for—"

"Archer! Has anyone seen Cadet Archer?" Someone behind us said.

I whirled around and saw a Garrison soldier walk inside the tent. It was Ian Dietrich, the leader of the elite squad that I was recruited into. I shot Reiner one last look, as if to ask 'are you done?'. He looked like he wanted to finish his sentence, but he backed down. Whatever he needed to get off his chest, it could wait.

I walked up to Ian. "Yes, sir?"

He wasn't pleased. "What happened to you? You left our squad without a reason. An act of insubordination like that deserves a punishment."

"If you must know... I was swallowed by a Titan, sir." I gestured to my red uniform.

His face went pale. He stared at me in disbelief. "You're kidding me... Impossible... how did you— Never mind that, cadet!" He snapped. "We need you on the Elite squad that's going to protect Eren. Follow me." He turned on his heel and started walking off down the street.

Protect Eren? From what? What in the world was he talking about? I hurried after him, trying to keep up with his long legs. Damn short people problems.  "Wait, sir! I'm afraid I don't understand." I said.

He groaned. "I guess I'm going to have to explain this. Damn rookie."

Long story short... The Garrison had planned to execute Eren Jaeger, until Commander Dot Pixis intervened and proposed a deal with Eren. The deal basically consisted of Eren using his powers to shift into a Titan and lift the massive chunk of wall debris sitting to the east side of Trost. He was to carry the boulder and use it to plug the breach in the wall. Soldiers would be split into squads. Other squads would be hanging on the side of the wall, supported by their ODM gear, and serve as a distraction for the titans. The elite squad, the one I was placed in, would accompany Eren on the journey to the breach and serve as his defense.

The minute Ian told me this plan, I smirked. It was very ingenious. The Armin kind of ingenious.

We took the lift and ascended to the top of the Wall. Ian held open the door and I stepped out. The afternoon sun blazed down on us as we walked. I could see Dot Pixis up ahead. 

"Stay here." Ian told me and I nodded, knowing he probably wanted to discuss parts of the plan. He walked off.

I let out a sigh and overlooked the city. Hell, was I exhausted. My limbs ached, and the back of my throat felt like sandpaper due to so much screaming. But I had made it this far. It sounds like optimistic bullshit, I know. I don't think I've ever been an optimist in my life. I'm not Marco. Usually I keep a realistic perspective. But the fact still stands that I, Johanna, have made it this far into battle. I have escaped death's cold grasp and I have survived.

That's got to account for something, right?

"Jo?" A voice shuddered behind me.

The second it reached my ears, my whole body tensed. It was so familiar.

I slowly turned around, meeting the presence full front. His gear was missing, his uniform was tattered and bloodstained like mine, his skin patchy in some areas where he was exposed to boiling temperatures. But those eyes... even after everything that's happened, they still held that remarkable fire that never seemed to extinguish.

What was once shock soon melted into pure relief. The muscles on his face eased and he allowed himself a broken smile. "Jo!"

Next thing I knew, Eren was tackling me in a hug. "You're alive!"

"Somewhat." I chuckled.

His tall build and strong arms crushed me. He smelled metallic like blood, but I returned the embrace anyway, knowing I probably smelled the same. The only person I accepted hugs from was Jean. But... this wasn't so bad.

Maybe I could get used to this.

A soothing feeling settled into my chest and I allowed myself a little smile. He was alright. He was okay.

"Sorry to interrupt this lovers reunion."

We both jumped apart, flustered when we saw Ian standing there. He held a pair of ODM gears. How long had he been watching? Ugh, that's embarrassing.

"No— I— We—"

"It's nothing like that." I said on Eren's behalf, who's face resembled a ripe tomato.

"Well whatever it is, time to quit it. We've been given orders to go. Move out!" Ian said, practically throwing the gear into our hands, and he started walking off.

Eren and I hastily put our gear on. More soldiers from our squad joined us as we ran after Ian, all of us heading towards the end of the Wall. It felt weird being active again. I wondered how my legs managed to stay upright even after all I've experienced. Funny how your body is capable of a lot, and it's really your mind that tricks you into being weak.

"Jo!"

I looked to my left and saw Mikasa. She ran besides me. I was glad to see her alive, although the fact that she was placed into this squad didn't surprise me. The girl ranked number 1 in the top ten. Who wouldn't want her skill?

"I want to apologize." A tone of shame lingered in her voice. "Everything you went through... I should've kept my personal matters to myself. I never should've asked you to check on Eren. I—"

"You didn't." I interrupted.

"What?"

"You didn't ask anything of me. I made the offer. Trust me, Mikasa, this is not your fault. Soldiers don't die because of soldiers, soldiers die because of those man-eating bastards. In a perfect world without those beasts none of this would've happened. Besides," I began to wield my blades as we neared the end of the wall. "I'm still here."

"Thanks to me." Eren said teasingly.

I shot him a look. "I could kick your ass, Jaeger."

"Yeah? Well when we make it out of here alive, you can try it sometime." He sounded so sure of himself. Goddamn his blind determination, I thought with a smirk.

"Stop flirting. This isn't the time!" A soldier with short, silver hair and glasses caught up to our speed.

I let out a huff of annoyance. Twice in a row? Seriously? What is it with these Garrisons breathing down our necks?

"I'll just put it straight. The fact that the fate of mankind rests on a brat like you doesn't make me hopeful." Another Garrison soldier said to Eren.

"All of you! Enough. We're in range of the boulder." Ian snapped.

He was right. I could see it a few hundred feet away, wedged between two destroyed houses. It was giant and dense. Could Eren really lift that? Even in his Titan form, it was a challenging weight to carry. Looking around the perimeter, I didn't see any titans. The decoy squad must be working to lure them away. So far, they were doing a great job.

Perfect. Now's our chance.

Eren jumped off the edge of the wall first, and I followed second, and Mikasa third. We soared on our gear, swinging past buildings and alleyways like birds of a feather, making our way towards the boulder. The cold wind swept my face and ruffled my uniform, and I loved it. I absolutely craved this thrill.

I watched Eren from a few feet away. I had to give him space for when he would transform. He burned like spitfire, shooting his anchors and whirling in the air, setting foot on rooftops only to dive off again in a blaze of glory. He carried humanity's fate on his shoulders, and yet he seemed weightless. Now, I'm not saying he was some indestructible god at the moment. No. Even under the bullheaded facade, I could tell he was nervous. No one wants to be a failure. But my point is, he wasn't buckling under the pressure. He had a solid purpose.

Maybe I would find that too someday.

"Now, Eren!" Mikasa shouted.

I watched in astonishment as he bit down on his hand. It was very deliberate, like he knew exactly what to do. I heard the sound of his bone crunching, and suddenly there was lightning. A BOOM! rattled the area and before I knew it, I was looking at a fifteen-meter tall Titan.

I stopped on a rooftop and tried to collect myself, but it was hard. Eren had just turned into that. He was the Titan, and the Titan was him.

Woah.

Mikasa landed on the rooftop of the building next to me. We gave each other nods of apprehension and watched Eren, who stood directly in front of the large boulder.

We watched.

We waited.

Huh. Why wasn't he doing anything? Was he okay? I observed his motionless figure from afar. The Garrison soldiers went over the plan with him. There's no way he could've gotten confused. It was so simple, a baby could do it. Well... if the baby had Titan strength, that is.

"Oi! What's going on?" I called out.

Suddenly and without reason, Eren turned and smashed his fist into the roof where Mikasa stood, abruptly crushing her. My heart stopped.

"MIKASA!" I screamed. I couldn't believe it. No way. What the hell?

Then I saw her. She hurried out of the debris and shot her anchor onto another building, quite startled, lifting herself up. She must've avoided the hit somehow. My chest heaved a sigh. Thank goodness, she was okay.

But what in the fuck was that all about?

"Eren!" I yelled, my lungs burning. How dare he? His own sister, for Sina's sake. Had he lost all control?

"Archer!" Ian yelled. "Don't—"

But I was already doing it. I shot my anchor straight into Eren's giant forehead and zoomed towards him, careful to be considerate with my gas. I didn't want to repeat my mistakes. I landed right on the bridge of his nose. It was weird, being so up close to a Titan this way. But it was Eren. Despite the cold monstrosity in those big, green eyes of his, I knew Eren had to be in there. Somewhere.

"Idiot!" I yelled at him. His eyes watched me without an ounce of recognition. They held only animalistic and bloodthirsty instinct. "Snap the hell out of it! You're human! This isn't the time for games, we have a breach to seal!"

A low rumbling came from his mouth. A growl. 

"Eren!" I yelled frustratedly. I waited for a sign. Anything that meant he was back to normal.

"ARCHER! GET OUT!"

I leapt off just in time. Eren's fist, intending to crush me, came flying at his own face instead and he ended up punching himself. I gasped as his whole fist exploded from the force. That was close. Too close.

He let out a screech that pierced the heavens and he lost his balance, slumping against the boulder. He stayed there, motionless. Moments passed and nothing, not even a twitch. Was he even conscious?

"It was naive to rely on a Titan to save us." Rico, the soldier with short silver hair, said coldly. She took out a flare and shot it. The smoke rushed up into the sky, streaking it red. Now the other squads and the Commander knew we had failed. Damn, what a let down.

But still... I looked at Eren, and I couldn't help but feel a great opportunity going to waste. What if we could do something? Maybe if we tried again...

"Look alive! Four titans coming this way! All over ten meters!" said Mitabi, also a soldier from our squad. He hopped off his rooftop a few streets away and came to us. "Ian, we're waiting on you. Let's go!"

"Go?" I repeated incredulously. "We can't just leave a soldier here defenseless! What are we, barbarians?"

"He's a Titan, for god's sake!" Mitabi sneered.

"Yeah? So what? You're so desperate to get out of here alive that you don't see this brilliant opportunity right in front of you!" I gestured at Eren's unconscious form. "He's too valuable to just throw away!"

"Oh please, this plan was doomed from the start!" He said. "Was it worth a shot? Sure, whatever. We did our best! But the only option we have now is going back over the wall!"

He spun on his heel and began walking away. I saw Mikasa seething with anger next to me, and she drew her blades, ready to go after him. But before she could do anything, Ian put an arm in front of her and prevented her from going further.

"Team Rico, take out the twelve meter approaching from behind." Ian ordered grimly. "Team Mitabi and I will handle the two front runners."

"Are you nuts?!" Rico gasped.

"In case you've forgotten, I'm the one in charge!" He told her strictly. "We're not going to leave Jaeger defenseless. Period."

Rico looked like she was ready to start an argument, but Ian continued before she had a chance. "Change of plans," he said, "We'll take down all the titans and protect the area until he recovers. Whether we like it or not, he's our best bet. We're not about to abandon him. We're expendable, but he isn't. He can't be replaced."

"Oh please," Rico said dryly. "Don't talk to me about our best bet. He's a failure. Countless soldiers have died because of him. Just look at him, Ian! Are you saying you want us to risk our lives for that!"

"Yes!" He raised his voice. "If that's what it takes, so be it!"

My eyebrows raised a little. It takes guts to make a claim like that.

Rico was at a loss for words.

"No disrespect," I spoke up, looking straight at her. "But didn't you say soldiers are risking their lives at the moment? The longer we stay here bickering the more are dying by the second. Forget trying to see eye to eye. We need to take action."

She glared at me, but we both knew I was right.

"Enough." Ian said with finality. "Let's show those titans humanity's wrath."

The mooning around finally ended and we split: Mitabi went with Ian, Rico left with her own team, and I joined up with Mikasa. I was glad we were left to work together. I felt confident when she was around. We headed towards the first Titan we saw: a ten meter. This one's eyes were ludicrously large and glassy, displaying its avid hunger for our flesh. But no matter. It was done and killed in a second thanks to us. The next one was a little trickier. Mikasa had to distract it while I made the surprise attack. The abnormal beast, only 8 meters this time, thrashed around like a bull once I gouged its eyes out with my blades. Getting tired of its stupid wailing, I finished it off with a clean slice across its neck.

"Son of a bitch," I said, looking down at myself and my uniform, now wet with a fresh coat of blood. It began to evaporate slowly.

I looked around, noticing Mikasa wasn't nearby. I found her presence a few streets over, already beating me at this game of bloodshed, handling a Titan expertly all by herself. Sheesh, the girl had no chill. I was about to join her, but a shuffling noise and a small grunt made me turn around instead.

"Armin!"

The blonde was climbing Eren's large, slumped back. He looked up at the sound of my voice.

"Jo, go take care of the Titans!"

I blinked. He had a focused, steely look on his face— something I'd never seen before on him. But I wasn't about to take orders from anybody.

"Are you crazy!?" I yelled at him, watching as he kneeled at the base of Eren's neck. "Get off, that's dangerous!"

"I know what I'm doing!" He wielded a blade and stared at it's sharpness warily. "At least, I think so... when Eren emerged from his Titan the last time, it was from the nape of the neck. I might be delusional, but I think that's the control base of this whole body. I just have to make sure not to hit the center..." He made eye contact with me and then looked down. I watched as he raised his blade tentatively. A little gasp got caught in my chest.

"Armin, what are you—"

"This won't kill him, but it's going to hurt." He raised the blade an inch higher and then brought it down. "A lot!"

"ARMIN, NO—"

A twisted, inhuman screech made my warning sound pathetic. It was Eren. The second the blade stabbed deep into his neck, he arched his back and thrashed around wildly. His flailing arms missed Armin by only a couple inches, as the poor guy held onto the handgrips of his blade for dear life. I watched it all happen, my ears ringing at the constant screeching, until finally Eren gave up and slumped against the boulder again.

"Jo, you need to go help out the others!" Armin said, stricter this time. "They need all the manpower they can get! I'll handle Eren! Go do what you do best!"

I clenched my jaw. Dammit, he was right. I hate it when other people are right.

But I couldn't dilly dally any longer. Soldiers were dying, for pete's sake. I looked down at my blades, and gripped them tighter. Time to go into beast mode...

It wasn't hard finding team Mitabi. They were all working together to take down one 14 meter abnormal. One. And the worst part? There were more coming their way. I let them handle that one and instead created a bloodbath with the other approaching ones. That powerful feeling came back again. It fed every cell in my body and suddenly I was indestructible. I was reckless, yet calculating in every move. Rageful, yet calm on the exterior. I was no longer a girl with feeble dreams of entering the MPs, finding my parents, and living a peaceful life in the interior. It seems ridiculous to think about now. I could laugh at that naive, yet determined girl and give her a cold slap of reality. This is what I was made for. There's so much more to life than luxury. And there's so much more to life than running back to the people who abandoned you in the first place. Right now, as I carved these Titans inside out, I found my purpose:

Defending humanity.

And making these monsters pay the price.

Suddenly, it was all I cared about. Forget those indulgent bastards in the interior. Forget trying to find my parents. Survey Corps, here I come.

Well... If I get out of here alive, that is.

I killed the last Titan in a group of five, and flew over to a roof where team Ian and Mikasa were.

"The situation is bad." Ian said grimly, overlooking the area. "Even with you two helping out, things aren't looking bright. There's just so many... if only the plan hadn't failed, dammit. If only we had plugged the breach, then—"

Thunder.

No, scratch that. Not thunder. Footsteps.

The roof beneath us trembled. The three of us turned around. And my... It was certainly a glorious sight.

Eren was slowly but steadily making his way through the town. And guess what? He was carrying the fucking gigantic boulder over his head.

A breath escaped my mouth. Was it a delirious laugh? Was it an astounded gasp? I couldn't be sure. Whatever. But seeing him up and conscious... and seeing that fire in his eyes that was so purely human, so incredibly Eren... I felt like all of humanity's hope and joy collected inside of me, and I wanted to combust with pride.

"Yes! Yes, he did it!" Mikasa and I broke out in cheers.

Ian simply stood there, mouth agape. All vocabulary seemed to have failed him. Oh well... words are overrated, right?

"You two," He told us once he snapped out of it. "I want you to stay by Jaeger's side! Defend him till the end of the journey, got it?"

"Yes, sir!" Mikasa and I saluted.

"Move out!"

In order to defend Eren as he carried the boulder across town, we had to get lower to the ground. And god, was it grisly down here. The stench of pooled blood burned our nostrils, but we had to keep going. Thankfully, Armin joined us by our side. It was a relief to know he was okay. I made a mental note to praise him later for reviving Eren.

It was hard and sweaty work. Every Titan that came within a mile radius, Mikasa and I killed it with expertise. Some weren't even give the chance to turn the corner. We would already be on them, blades drawn, slicing the hell out of them.

But admittedly... not everyone had the same success. 

All around us, as we accompanied Eren, soldiers here and there and everywhere were dying. Eaten like prey right in front of our faces. Sometimes we were able to help, but sometimes it was a lost cause and we would have to keep moving forwards.

But oh god, the screaming. The shouts. The gargled cries as they were chomped on.

I tried to ignore it as best as I could. Impulsiveness would only get me killed.

Then I caught sight of the breach. I'd never been so happy to see a gap of crumbling stone in my entire life.

"Look ahead!"

A Titan was down on all fours, impeding our path. Rico, the one who had warned us, came flying in at jet-speed. Her glasses twinkled as she spun and gouged out an eye, blinding the Titan. The Titan, unable to see properly on his left side, brought his hand down on us but missed. I saw the fury on Mikasa's face, and I let her have it.

While she took that one down, Armin and I accompanied Eren on the last few meters (which were only a couple footsteps for him) towards the breach. My heart beat faster the closer we got, until eventually, there was no more distance to cover. This was it. What we had fought for was finally being granted to us.

Eren's arms quivered underneath the weight. Could he hold it any longer?

"NOW!"

The whole world froze, allowing Armin's voice to resonate across town. Then came Eren's sky-rattling roar, announcing humanity's triumph as he lowered the boulder and jammed it into the breach, sealing the hole.

There was a heavy silence. The titans continued munching in the background, but they hardly mattered now.

All at once, I realized just how weak my body felt and I allowed myself to drop to my knees, trying to catch my breath from all the constant running. I felt a pang of numbness wash over me, and I looked up at the sky. The clouds were orange and pink, swirling together to make a beautiful, sunset masterpiece.

We did it. At the close of day, we finally made history. We won this battle.

I would've cried tears of joy, but after such a painful day, I didn't have any tears left. It's fine, though. Celebration could be dealt with later. Right now...

I observed Eren's now unconscious body, steaming and hunched over the boulder.

We need to make sure he's okay...

I forced my exhausted legs to get up again, and ejected an anchor onto Eren's neck, pulling myself upwards. I kneeled down and hissed as the heat burned my knees. How hot was it here... 500 degrees? While the other soldiers busied themselves with the remaining titans inside the town, I started cutting Eren's nape in order to free him. I was pretty worried, to be honest. In this heat, any normal person would suffocate...

Normal person. Well, I guess he's not that. Not anymore.

But... I couldn't think of him as a monster either...

Grunting, I finished the cut and chunks of the nape began to disintegrate, revealing Eren— The true Eren, only 5'7 in height. Thank goodness.

Uh oh, I thought, grabbing his torso and trying to pull him out. But he wouldn't budge. I peered over his shoulder and saw both his arms were fused with red, slimy tendons and muscle. Great. Now what am I supposed to do? Not to mention, he was practically burning me like I was holding a lump of hot coal.

I took a look at his face. His eyes were closed and peacefully ignorant to the world. I sighed warily. You've really outdone yourself this time, idiot...

"Jo! What's going on? How is he?" Armin asked from below.

"He's burning up and he's fused to the Titan! I can't get him out!" I shouted. One by one they landed besides me on the carcass: Armin, Mikasa, and Rico. "We need to get him over the wall quickly so he can get medical attention!" I said, tugging his body to no avail.

"Then we cut." Rico said, already brandishing her blades.

Mikasa, for the first time ever, actually looked startled at the thought of violence. "But we don't know what that will do! What if—"

But too late. Rico officially wins the award for 'Most Impulsive Person'. Without any sort of warning or hesitation, she swiped her blades and cut the tendons connecting Eren to the neck. The resistance was no longer there, and next thing I knew, I was falling backwards with Eren down the Titan's back. It was a rough landing, but not too damaging. Eren appeared fine for the most part. However, there was no denying my ass hurt from hitting the ground. I looked up at Rico, a bit annoyed. "You could've been more care-"

A shadow loomed over me. Not the normal kind, though. No. A huge shadow that chilled the air.

Shit.

I looked over my shoulder, already knowing what to expect. And there it was. Actually, there they were. It was two titans, a double threat. Both of them were thin and lanky, staring down at Eren and I like we were the last cookies on the platter.

One of them made a move and stretched out its hand.

"Jo! Eren!" I heard Mikasa scream from above.

My first instinct was to huddle Eren protectively. I don't know why, but it just happened. Maybe it was a reciprocation of what he did for me back in that Titan's stomach, holding me tight and all.

But dammit, they were so close. There's no way I could attempt to kill them.

And the groping hand only grew closer and closer.

I shut my eyes, wondering which one it would pick first, if not both of us at the same time.

Shing! A pair of blades were put to work. I heard the clanging of ODM gear and then suddenly, the darkness of the shadows was gone. What happened? Was it safe to open my eyes now?

I decided 'screw it' and opened my eyes. The more I took in the sight the more they widened, shocked.

Both titans were face down on the ground. Dead.

On the carcasses, a soldier stood boldly against the sunset plastered in the background. Wait, no— not just any soldier. He wore a green cape with the wings of freedom imprinted on it, the fabric rustling in the wind.

But when he looked at me...

What the hell?

"Alright, you brats." He spoke coldly, "this is the part where you explain yourselves."

End of Chapter 9

[catsundercherryblossoms]

|Chapter  8: Belly of the Beast| Her Forgotten Past //Attack on Titan fanfic//

Rewind: 5 hours earlier

Hot. Boiling.

When I dropped into the Titan's stomach, I was submerged in a pool of boiling fluid. Every inch of my body burned. I clawed my way up, half swimming and half desperate flailing, until my head broke the surface and I was allowed to breathe again. What I breathed in could barely be called air. It felt like I was inhaling fire, shriveling my lungs and every other intestine in my body.

Blood. The boiling fluid in which I struggled to stay above was blood. I realized with ultimate horror that I was drenched in its sticky, crimson color. It coated my hair, it hung on my eyelashes, it was up my nostrils and worst of all, it was in my mouth.

A wave of nausea hit me.

And it only got worse once I noticed all the dead bodies floating around me.

I lost it. I fucking lost it.

My screams echoed off the walls of the Titan's stomach so loudly that it stirred little waves in the blood. I tried backing away but that only resulted in me bumping into more floating cadavers, lifeless with their mouths soundlessly open, the whites of their eyes peeking out. It was unclear whether I was crying blood or tears. There was no telling them apart when they rolled off my chin and dripped down.

This can't be happening... I just want to get out. Get me out of here, please.

Splash! Something broke the surface next to me. I didn't register it properly, assuming it was a dead body come to life, and I just kept screaming my head off. I tried slapping it away hysterically as it continued to get ahold of me.

"Johanna! Eurgh, stop! Johanna, it's me!"

It was no dead body. It was Eren. He blocked all my hits with one arm. One arm? I started to calm down, recognizing those startling green eyes even under the blood painting his face, and then I looked at his... well, the remnants of his left shoulder.

"Oh my god," I said weakly, "Eren... Your-"

"It hardly matters right now." He said grimly and looked around. "This is hell."

The thick, heavy air was becoming a little too much for me. It fogged up my senses and darkened my vision. My arms grew tired, unable to keep me afloat, and I began sinking.

"No!" Eren scooped me up in his one arm. "Johanna, please, you can't die first. Please, I can't watch you die like this."

What was going on? Everything was spinning. I could feel my cheek pressed against his uniform jacket as he held me close, probably scared that I might sink.

I focused on the life still abounding in Eren's eyes, knowing that life would soon leave mine. "You know," I said, barely above a whisper, "I always admired your determination..."

"No... please..." he pleaded tearfully.

My breaths were ragged. My strength was fading. I closed both eyes, unable to resist it any longer, and allowed myself to be enclosed in darkness.

But I could still hear Eren's choked voice... distant as if he were miles away, but present.

"Why... why do they take everything from us?" His hold on me tightened and he pulled me even closer against his chest. "Our lives... Our dreams... gone because of them. Damn it! Damn it all!" He growled and I could feel the reverb against his shirt, the sound coming deep within his core. It was wrathful to the point of primal. "I won't give up. I swear on God, I'll eliminate all of them! Every single Titan, with my bare hands!"

BOOM!

There was a deafening and sickening noise- like tearing flesh. Eren's hold on me disappeared. What was happening? Before I could even process the situation, my body landed on solid ground. The street, specifically. A wave of blood came down on me, like a broken dam releasing its flood, and I was soaked once again. I gasped for breath. 

Tall. Not just tall- giant. Fifteen meters of skin, muscle, and terror.

Somehow, I had encountered a completely different Titan from the one I had been trapped in seconds ago. It let out a monstrous roar, and ever so slowly, it's large head turned to look down at me.

I felt like a fragile shard of glass waiting to be stepped on.

The Titan's eyes bore into me, and I stared straight back. As bizarre as it seems, something clicked. It just clicked. That emerald gaze... why was it so familiar?

The Titan stretched out its hand, inching closer and closer to my tiny shape. I could not move, nor did I have the motivation. After all that's happened... dying didn't sound so bad.

The Titan picked me up on the palm of its hand, bringing me towards its mouth. I didn't even scream. I didn't even fight it. I simply accepted the situation as he opened his wide set of teeth. What caught my attention was how he placed me on his tongue. Deliberately. Almost like the beast was scared of eating me. Surely, my suspicions were ridiculous. Every titan's natural intention is to devour humans. It's what they do best.

But no. There was something different about this one.

He carefully closed his mouth and I was enshrouded in darkness. I could feel the whole side of my body turn slick with saliva. By now I was just waiting for the moment when he would tilt his head back and swallow me entirely. I was ready to welcome my demise.

But it never came.

Rumbling shudders and footsteps. We were walking. It appeared the beast had no plans on eating me, but instead preserving me. Weird.

Eventually, my body gave out due to exhaustion. I blacked out.

Fast Forward: Present time

"Annie, is she breathing?"

"Open the door!"

"This isn't real, this isn't real..."

Scuffling. Shouts. Threats.

"Dammit, she's not breathing! Does anyone know CPR?"

"There he is! Kill him!"

"Where are they taking Eren?"

"You're going to be okay. I promise. Dadda promises."

"Breathe!"

Air filled my lungs and I opened my eyes. The air no longer burned and instead it cooled my flaming insides. In, and out. In, and out. Inhale, exhale.

The blankness my mind had obtained in sleep started to become tainted. The past events came back to me slowly. Like paint trickling onto an empty canvas.

Bodies. Blood. Bodies. Blood. All around- everywhere- death.

I sat up, involuntarily screaming, as the horrible memories clouded my thinking. My whole body trembled. But not from cold.

"Jo! Easy, easy. I'm right here." Annie rushed to my side.

"Where am I?!" I asked. I was on a medical stretcher, a blanket thrown over me. I still wore my bloody, disgusting uniform except for my jacket and gear. Someone must've taken it off me, and if not, then it was probably lost...

"We're in Wall Rose. We're on stand by right now. No orders have been given." Annie explained. She reached into a crate and pulled out a jug of water. "Here, you're very dehydrated."

"No. Something happened to me, Annie." I ignored her offer and looked around. We were stationed under a tent on the side of the street. Soldiers ambled back and forth, leaning against stacks of supply crates or slumped hopelessly on the floor. It was a very monotone environment. Several heads turned in my direction. The way they stared at me was concerning. I wouldn't have labeled their gazes content to see me alive. No, it was definitely the complete opposite. They were suspicious.

Suspicious of what?

"Annie, people are staring at me." I whispered.

Her blue eyes, usually cold as glaciers, seemed to melt a little. "Jo, what's the last thing you remember?"

"I remember..." I stuttered, "G-Getting eaten... being in the Titan's stomach with Eren, and... something happened- I don't know what, but something happened and then I was out of the stomach. And then another Titan, Annie. Another Titan appeared." I told her shakily. Maybe I sounded insane, but I didn't care at the moment. "It was... different. It helped me."

She nodded. "We know."

I furrowed my brows. "You do?"

"There was this Titan- the same one you're talking about. And it helped us too. It killed all the other titans and assisted us while we took control of HQ." She said, placing a hand on my shoulder. "And... eventually it collapsed. Maybe it was all the damage it had taken, maybe something went wrong and it couldn't regenerate. Who knows? But when it died... Your body fell out of it’s mouth. And Eren..." Annie stopped herself.

I waited, desperate. "What? What about Eren? Please, don't tell me he's-"

"Dead?" She chuckled dryly. "No. It would've made more sense if he was. Eren came out of the weak spot. The nape of the neck. Somehow, he was the Titan."

I tried to take in her words. But she might as well have been talking another language. "What do you mean, he was the Titan?"

"Jo, Eren can turn into a Titan." Annie clarified. "He's one of them."

A pause. I stared back at her, considering her claim. In my mind's eye I was back in the Titan's stomach. The loud explosion, how the stomach had torn from the inside out, and the feeling of lying on the cold cobblestone street, drenched in blood, looking up at that second Titan that had appeared out of nowhere. Except it didn't come from nowhere. The Titan was Eren all along.

And he wasn't trying to eat me when he put me in his mouth. He was trying to keep me safe.

I got up abruptly and started looking around. "I need to talk to him."

"What? No, you need to stay put. You're still too weak!" Annie scolded and she grabbed my arm.

"I'm fine! I need to talk to Eren- just tell me where he is!" I shook her off.

If people were wary at first, they were definitely disapproving now. I must've been making a scene, because even people outside the tent were stopping on the street to watch. Maybe I wasn't thinking straight. Maybe I should listen to Annie and rest.

Fine, I will do that. After I find Eren.

"Get off me, Annie!" I struggled as she twisted both my arms behind me. "He helped me! He can help us too!"

"Help us?" A cadet spoke up. I stopped, recognizing him. He had been throwing up in the courtyard before the battle started. Daz, I think his name was. "You must be out of your mind! You're crazy! He's a monster from hell! The first thing he'll do is devour us, and you're gonna be first in line!"

Rationality was replaced with hostility. I snapped and ripped away from Annie's hold, lunging towards Daz. He let out a girlish scream and I tackled him down. Gasps spread across the tent. My hands fisted his collar and I bared my teeth at him.

"You don't know what you're talking about..." I said, and suddenly I was a whole other person. A person on the brink of insanity. "You weren't there! YOU DIDN'T SEE WHAT I SAW! They were all around me- bodies... and they were burning... and- and-" Suddenly I was bursting into uncontrollable sobs. It was like someone undid the last screw holding me together. I fell apart on the spot.

"Jo!" Another voice spoke up.

A pair of strong arms lifted me off Daz, who quickly scrambled onto his feet and took off. I wanted to fight the person now cradling me, but what was the point anymore?

"Its okay, you're going to be fine." Jean said with a frown, letting me cry into his chest.

“Keep it moving, people. Nothing to see here." Annie shooed away the others.

"You need to take it easy, okay? When we found you, you weren't breathing..." Jean said. His voice sounded exhausted. "It was probably because you stayed inside that Titan's mouth so long. We thought you might've suffocated. Reiner had to do CPR. It's a miracle you're even here..."

He hugged me tighter. My crying soon quelled and there was nothing left to do, nothing left to say. I felt heavy, exhausted, and worn down to the bone. But how would I ever sleep again? Every time I close my eyes, I see the lifeless faces of the fallen soldiers who rotted away in that damned Titan's stomach.

Rest seemed impossible.

BOOM!

The ground shuddered underneath our feet. I gripped Jean tighter. People gasped and screamed. Was that an explosion? From where?

We rushed outside of the tent and checked the street.

"Was that cannon fire?" Bertholdt asked next to me.

"But why just one shot?" Jean said, confused.

"Look! Over there!" A random soldier shouted. He pointed to the sky.

Up ahead, we could see smoke. It appeared to be originating in the town square by the gate.

"Maybe they fired a shell by accident?" someone said behind me.

No. The cannon fire couldn't have been a mistake. The wall Garrison may be comprised of heavy drinkers, but they weren't stupid. Especially in a tense situation like this. They were qualified soldiers and knew how to work the cannons. But more importantly, when it comes to defending, they never missed their target.

That shot was everything but accidental. Something sketchy was happening right under our noses.

I observed the smoke, and furrowing my brows, I realized it wasn't smoke at all. It was undoubtedly steam. Titan steam.

There was a Titan inside the walls.

Except, that's impossible. Wall Rose didn't have a breach. The only way a Titan could get inside is if...

They could fit through the gate. If they were human size.

Of course...

I looked at Jean, alarmed. He returned my look and gulped.

Well... Now we knew where Eren was.

End of Chapter 8