#but //omit// the lines that are about you before posting it. that’s pretty out there Ik Ik

[bunny-extract]

Y’all are going to hell if you post x reader and then describe them as white. TO HELL!!

[tomwambsgans]

i'm ngl it's because i recently read fight club, But i'm thinking a lot lately about castration and the true/deepest implications of it irt nero and sporus and tom and greg. obviously we've got tom's line about greg being "castrated on pay" and some pretty solid analysis on that being a matter of tom keeping greg dependent on him, but tbh even with said meta posts...

like, i'm sorry, but it's a weak line. it feels just as strangely on the nose as shiv falling down the stairs, and in fact like a line that exists specifically to match shiv falling. it almost even seems like a last-minute rush to complete Following Up The Nero And Sporus Thing, like they did the first part and managed to get all the way to the last episode before realizing they'd forgotten to do the second thing, so they had to reach for anything they could relate castration to without having to film a new scene. this feels especially evident/likely in the fact that there is NO way greg's salary is actually getting docked to the degree that tom implied. it's markedly disappointing, too, in the way that setting it up with shiv literally falling down stairs had the audience looking forward to how the rest of the overt symbolism would play out. castration on pay was the most mundane and least expected possible conclusion, lol. and not at all on par with the literal fall. like if that is the castration we were actually waiting for the whole time...

it's also all overkill, for that matter, considering that the s3 finale fit "pushed his wife down the stairs and married sporus" thing perfectly fine and a perfect amount of vague. like tom ALREADY betrayed shiv, symbolically "killing" her, and had an ancient-roman-wedding-handshake agreement with greg about his soul. even tom and greg's initial dynamic in the final season often feels like that of a married couple. which begs the question: why have the stuff in s4 on top of that? it may very well be simply one of the many marks of s4's drop in quality, caused by a myriad of irl factors. or it could possibly be on purpose to specifically bring home something else about the nero and sporus story. maybe it's to reinforce the tomshiv divorce and also tom and greg's marriage after all the rapid shifts in dynamic. who knows.

but what i DO know is that i wanna get to the bottom (lol) of the castration symbolism/motif. so i'm gonna go through everything that could possibly inform the audience's interpretation.

i'll start with the least significant, which i believe is the reality of castration in ancient rome and in the circumstances around the irl nero and sporus. part of why this falls on the bottom rung is the fact that historical accounts of nero especially with sporus are hotly contested. another reason is that the story tom tells is one that not only omits many details in a technically misleading/recontextualizing way, but also adds details that are present in no known accounts.

so: WHY was sporus castrated? there are 2 main possibilities/reasons.

to maintain his youthful [and therefore feminine] beauty. the real sporus was most likely around 16 when nero had him castrated. and the practice of castration to preserve youth had precedence. basically, twinks were REALLY in. it's alleged that sporus may have already been more effeminate (and sexually attractive) than average. but it's also said that sporus bore an uncanny resemblance to poppaea, which nero chose him for specifically and wanted to maintain.

in order to marry him with legal/social sanction. ancient roman society, rather than being built upon the heterosexual, was more built upon the Top/generally masculine. Eunuch was a gender class/category essentially equivalent with Woman, which allowed sporus to specifically be nero's wife. this didn't mean that his marriage to sporus was necessarily seen as good and normal, only technically acceptable.

and i have a ways more to go with the analysis but i'm gonna say right here that i do not think the first reason bears any significance to tom and greg. firstly due to that there is no textual evidence that tom wants greg to be explicitly feminine, even compared to himself, and a LOT to the contrary. tom consistently invites greg to join him in performing masculinity and gaining power through it, case in point the "let's fight like chickens" scene that directly follows the nero and sporus story. secondly, sporus's possible resemblance to poppaea does not track to greg and shiv more than incidentally; greg being shiv's cousin doesn't directly earn tom anything. but more importantly, imo, is the fact that what would have made nero want sporus to look like poppaea is in direct contrast with both the story tom tells AND the way their arc plays out.

so NOW, to demonstrate this, let's look at the irl poppaea's death/murder, which happened during her second pregnancy. different historians (even those alive at the time) have different theories for how it went down. who knows how much truth they're based in, bc there's a clear heavy bias against nero, but they're all we have anyway and therefore all tom would have had. here they are:

nero kicked her in the stomach in a fit of rage, while she was fighting with him about how much time he spent at the races (main theory/rumor)

nero kicked her in the stomach in a casual outburst

nero "leapt upon her belly" either accidentally or on purpose

nero poisoned her (uncommon rumor, most likely bs)

she died through no fault of nero's at all, simply bc of complications with her pregnancy (this has the most evidence, and is believed by many modern historians)

you'll notice a complete lack of stairs-related death theories, and in fact a near total lack of Nero Purposefully Murdered Poppaea theories. the general idea is that nero deeply mourned poppaea's death (and was remorseful, if it was his own fault), and proceeded to replace her with sporus, even calling him by her name.

which feels like a good segue into the more significant story of nero and sporus to analyze: the one that TOM told.

Sporus was a young slave boy. He was Nero's favorite. And, uh... you know what Nero did to him? Well, Nero... pushed his wife... down the stairs. And then he had Sporus castrated and he married him instead. And he gave him a ring. And he made him dress up like his dead wife. ...I'd castrate you and marry you in a heartbeat.

without looking into the actual story, this would sound like nero murdering his wife in order to marry sporus. with bringing up sporus first, it even sounds like nero met sporus and started favoring him prior to killing poppaea. which is also overtly analogous to tom and greg's relationship arc.

despite what tom must have read in his book, and what one could very easily imagine him, a Wife Guy, latching onto in that book... tom isn't telling greg about the tragedy of an emperor who accidentally killed his wife and then had to replace her with a young boy. tom literally invents a method of death that there is NO preexisting source for. furthermore he chooses one that does not sound remotely unintentional. at best he keeps in line with themes that suggest a violent miscarriage. but he removes all notions of an accident. he turns it into an unambiguous, purposeful uxorcide.

so, since all notions of trying to keep sporus looking like poppaea are not only unfitting as potential parallels, but also utterly irrelevant to the version of events that tom tells, and since we know tom twists and omits many other details (like what happens just a year into their marriage) anyway... what reasons DOES tom have for bringing up castration in this story? here's the possibilities i can come up with:

to make it sound less overtly romantic through means of the bizarre. classic diversionary tactic. literally without the castration it would sound undeniably like he's just saying "i read about this ancient roman gay marriage. an emperor murdered his wife so that he could marry a boy. i would like to do that with you also :)"

to make it sound less gay, specifically, because of nero's power in the situation. this of course calls back to that second reason for the actual sporus to be castrated. it's not gay if i've made you a eunuch, greg.

to emphasize the cruelty on nero's end. tom often puts himself in the role of a villain, especially irt his behavior with greg. considering also that this whole scene follows tom talking about how he's going to prison (AND that the next time he calls greg sporus it's in the scripts before the diner scene, where he agrees to sacrifice himself and go down for greg), it would make sense for him to buffer this confession with the caveat of what a bad person he is, like express in SOME way how insane his feelings are and how terrible he knows it is that he feels this way about greg. tom is notoriously unable to make normal apologies either, so. it tracks.

i think all of these are true, and i'm sure most would agree. i'm also sure most who've read this far are in full agreement that tom fixated on the story of nero and sporus in particular because it was a gay relationship with just enough ambiguity that he's able to relate to it without panicking. hell, the "he gave him a ring" line alone doesn't even evoke an ancient roman marriage nearly as much as a modern american one. i can't find even any sources that specifically mention a ring from nero to sporus, so i imagine tom invented that as well.

BUT while i'm here i do still want to mention a couple other queer things about nero to drive home that it's not just incidental gayness but overt homosexual desire being portrayed, as well as to emphasize that second reason that the irl nero may have had to castrate sporus:

prior to knowing sporus, nero had a mock-wedding as part of festive role-reversals during saturnalia. in this wedding he took the role of a bride, marrying a different freedman.

this is apocryphal and practically historical fiction, and may also specifically be due to perceived deviancy in nero, but it's old enough (like 13th century) that it's lowkey in the nero "canon" that he had womb envy and was obsessed with being the one to get pregnant

okay so NOW... how does all this translate into the actual events demanded/foreshadowed/symbolized by this story? if pushing shiv down the stairs is the betrayal that keeps her from being able to block the gojo deal (but also shiv is shown to fall down a couple real stairs)... and marrying sporus is making the "deal with the devil" (AND the sticker on the forehead)... then what's the castration? what was the first, less on-the-nose-and-simultaneously-meaningless castration, at least?

my best answer is that it's tom getting greg to drop his brightstar buffalo plans and follow him instead. because if death is just corporate death, then your testicles/manhood is your independence. tom says you're a joke, you can't function on your own, you need me (i need you). he's insecure that greg will leave if he has the option to do so. fair enough.

......and yet i come back to my initial disappointment, because that is barely different than the pay castration. and it's redefining greg's symbolic testes to something that tom gave him in the first place, thus practically retconning the first castration. but if that's it, does shiv's literal fall also replace her kick out of the company? that would sure be stupid! is the point of rehashing the symbolism to be stupid? to have meaningless stuff follow up the more significant events? even if that was the case, wouldn't you at least be doing it to give a visual element to the symbols? if shiv gets actual stairs, WHERE are greg's actual balls? or ANY balls!!!! greg even started wearing grey suits which he hadn't done before (but shiv had), and got a "ring" in his final scene. where's the FUCKING balls, huh?????

(anyway)

occam's razor, i think, may be that the meaninglessness of the castration specifically is the point. tom's insecurity that greg will leave if he has the option to (that greg would never actually want him but only need him), has been present for basically the duration of the show. it's just a character trait, and thus doesn't even work as foreshadowing when that just means "he's gonna keep doing what he's been doing." then, take that second reason--the purely pragmatic, not based in heterosexual-adjacent desire reason--for nero to castrate sporus. aka the only reason that makes sense for the way tom spins the story.

(it's also a motivation that leaves room for not even actually doing it. sporus wasn't going through rapid masculinization or anything. and they only lived another year. you could get away with just claiming that you did it for a while, probably.)

i should say there IS technically a third reason, postulated by modern scholars, for sporus's castration: to intentionally humiliate a potential rival for the throne. imagine if tom had told greg about nero and sporus upon first meeting. obviously things changed very quickly, but if all castration is here is tom keeping greg on a tight leash, then it works. and if the castration is nothing, then greg nearly tanking tom's plan out of naivety can be a nothing version of sporus wanting revenge. and shiv falling down real stairs can, instead of actually intending to set up a meaningful castration, be a red herring in that regard and simply foreshadow her pregnancy.

and that could be it. but... i've got One More Thing. maybe the most significant of all. lightning round:

who or what, in modern day where tom and greg live, actually IS castrated?

animals

specifically dogs

hmmmmmm

and why are DOGS castrated?

to reduce sexual and territorial aggression

reduce other unwanted behaviors

to keep them from breeding

okay. think greg's newfound sexual confidence in s4 and tom's distaste for it. tom's continued anxiety that greg's independence might lead him to leave him. think greg being tom's attack dog and how that nearly backfires at the very end. greg approaching tom at the end like a begging puppy.

think full circle: who's the rescue pup, i'll take care of you, i've got you...

i feel justified in recontextualizing all of this, and i come back to fight club:

Valley of the Dogs. Where even if they don't kill you, if someone loves you enough to take you home, they still castrate you.

[wander-wren]

small things to stop doing in your fics

(or any kind of writing, but i live on ao3. we begin with flat-out crimes and then slowly start moving into things that just bug me personally but aren’t wrong)

epithets. if i’ve said it once, i’ve said it a thousand times. you should only be using epithets for characters whose names we do not know. they can also be used VERY rarely to break up the repetition of names/pronouns or to emphasize characters’ relationships/viewpoints, ie “his boyfriend” or “the asshole.”

writing out accents. please stop. you can include a couple of small things, like “somethin’” or “ya” (for “you”), but even keep that to a minimum. specific turns of phrase/references go way farther imo to establish a character’s culture/background/etc. a little goes a long way, and doing it repeatedly can make sentences hard to parse. this also! applies! to children and babytalk! have you ever listened to a child speak? toddlers can enunciate pretty well!

not enough commas. put commas before names and titles. it’s not “Hey John” or “I’m on it captain,” it’s “Hey, John” and “I’m on it, captain.” also, put them after discourse markers/interjections such as “well,” “so,” and “now.” you should be writing “So, how are the kids?” not “So how are the kids?” even if your character is speaking quickly, you still want the commas because of grammar. it can occasionally be acceptable to omit them if you want to indicate extreme excitement/panic/anger/etc, but use it sparingly.

too many commas. i’m a comma fiend like the rest of you so i’m guilty here too, but we gotta at least stop with the comma splices. commas split and independent and dependent clause, meaning that one part of the sentence cannot grammatically stand alone. if all parts are complete sentences on their own, that’s a comma splice. try splitting it into two sentences, using a semicolon, or rewriting. this is usually fine in dialogue, though, that’s just how people talk.

also, using a lot of commas to denote panic is something i used to be HUGELY guilty of and now i hate it. instead of, “I, I, I don’t, I don’t know,” you can try, “I-I…I don’t—I don’t know!” probably not that much punctuation that close together, but for the sake of example. emdashes and ellipses, my beloveds 🫶

roleplay speak. i don’t know what else to succinctly call this? i’m referring to the tendency to be redundant and over-explain, especially in dialogue. it’s a phenomenon i see constantly in rp circles, usually because of post length requirements (and i have little issue with it there, it’s just the culture). things like:

“Surprise!” Adam shouted, popping out from behind the door.

“Oh my god!” Scott screamed, having been completely startled and not expecting Adam to be home yet.

yeah, we can guess that Scott is startled, right? because of the screaming? and clearly if Adam is surprising Scott it stands to reason his presence is unexpected? why are we stating this twice?

i believe this also comes from the mistaken idea that every line of dialogue needs a tag attached, which is….horrible. you can let the dialogue exist on its own sometimes, friends. you can also include an action beat without a tag. like above, i could have just said “Adam popped out from behind the door” and omitted the shouting altogether. we can assume he is being loud because that’s usually how people do surprises. anyway. moving on.

condescending to readers. this isn’t so much about writing as it is author’s notes and the like, and “condescending” may be a strong word, but i’m trying to be succinct. at any rate, please stop telling your audience to not read your fic? “do not read if sensitive to [blank]” or “if you have [disorder] skip this fic!” is a horrible way to trigger warn. people know their own boundaries. tell them what the work actually contains and let them self-select.

i also find “rest stop/check-in” type notes condescending, like “if you are reading this between the hours of 10pm-4am, go to sleep” and “STOP! have you eaten/drank/walked around in the past few hours? go do that!” again, we know ourselves. i’m not your kid, don’t tell me what to do. i don’t mind a polite, casual little “thanks for reading, remember to drink water and take your meds, bye” note, though.

the others in this category? i will straight up not read the fic over that on some days. ESPECIALLY because, in my experience, the people who are most intense about warning for every little thing are the ones with the mildest fics, and that’s not what i’m here for.

complaining about your own wrong tags. this is, admittedly, such a nitpick, and it definitely is more common in certain communities than others. but as longtime followers may know, i’m a bit obsessed with ao3’s tagging system and it drives me BONKERS when people use the wrong tags and follow it with “not actually but there’s no tag for xyz.” here’s the thing: you can still look at all the works that have ANY tag, just the non-canonized ones can’t be filtered on. and the best way to get a tag canonized is, guess what, to USE it! imagine that. also, if you’re using the wrong tag, you’re just going to clog the filter results and get people who don’t actually want to read your fic. just stop.

[cleolinda]

Varney the Vampire: A Preface

I want you to think back to what it’s like to reread your old work from years ago—your old stories or poetry, your old school papers, or even your old tumblr posts. Sometimes you’re actually kind of pleased, sure, but I want you to really go back and locate yourself in the heady cringe of that feeling.

In related news, I'm going to pick back up with the Varney the Vampire recaps I started in late 2010 CE. I got about nine chapters in, and then something, who knows what, derailed my life, as things tend to. Like, I'm used to this, it happens with the regularity of a lunar cycle. But I like writing about vampires (clearly), and since I feel like Dracula has been tread pretty thoroughly in recent times, I figured I might go back to something different; we had some lively discussions about Varney back then.

But 2010 was a time before A Lot of Things happened. I was in my early 30s at that point, so I won't say, "Oh, I was so young," but I had a very different energy as a blogger 12-13 years ago. So I've decided to rewrite the recaps a little—some more than others, some not much at all. I just feel like I have a really different perspective on the first chapter in particular, in 2023.

As before, I'm using the full, unabridged text. It is hideously long, something like 230+ chapters, but go big or go home, I figure. The thing is, I was using the files hosted at the University of Virginia, and now you can only get those through the Wayback Machine, but they are still usable for now. I have various backups saved, but I do want you to be able to see that I am, as ever, Not Making It Up.

I'm also not going to quibble anymore as to whether James Malcolm Rymer or Thomas Peckett Prest wrote this behemoth. Per Wikipedia sources, scholars seem to agree that it was all or mostly Rymer. When it's mentioned that they figured this out based on his dialogue style, I went... yeah, that checks out. Because it sure is A Style, and I'll be honest, the repetitive filler dialogue in chapter 10 was such a speedbump for me that I just threw up my hands and said, "I don't know how to recap this. Something I can't remember now is going on in my life and I Cannot. I no longer Can."

Well, it's the 2020s and we're gonna. Like I can't tell you how much stress I do not have about this. I've had covid three times and also spinal surgery. Varney the Vampire can no longer hurt me.

To start, this ordeal has a preface—apparently written upon the occasion of collecting the serial into book form—wherein The Author expresses his gratitude for "unprecedented success of the romance of Varney the Vampyre." First off, Rymer uses "vampire" and "vampyre" interchangeably, because fuck me for caring about consistency, I guess. Second, as Wikipedia notes,

It first appeared in 1845–1847 as a series of weekly cheap pamphlets of the kind then known as "penny dreadfuls." The author was paid by the typeset line [YEAH, I NOTICED], so when the story was published in book form in 1847, it was of epic length: the original edition ran to 876 double-columned pages and 232 chapters. Altogether it totals nearly 667,000 words.

For comparison, all of Lord of the Rings plus The Hobbit is 576,459 words. I sure do blanch every time I see those numbers! It's fine. We're gonna be fine. Back to the preface:

The following romance is collected from seemingly the most authentic sources, and the Author must leave the question of credibility entirely to his readers, not even thinking that he is peculiarly called upon to express his own opinion upon the subject.

"Seemingly" is doing a lot of work here.

Nothing has been omitted [for real, nothing down to the tiniest fly-swat has been omitted] in the life of the unhappy Varney, which could tend to throw a light upon his most extraordinary career, and the fact of his death just as it is here related, made a great noise at the time through Europe, and is to be found in the public prints for the year 1713.

I've seen more than one Dracula multimedia art project where people recreated the letters and diaries and recordings in the book (have you heard my whole thing about how Dracula actually was a cutting-edge techno-thriller back in 1897?), but I've never heard of anyone creating ARG-style media for the Totally for Actual-Fact Real tale of Sir Francis Varney the Vampire, and I think it would be hilarious if someone did.

I won't belabor the entire preface, but what I do want to touch on is Rymer's mention of "unprecedented success." Varney is actually standing on the shoulders of a vampire giant, and it's not the one we would think of. Nowadays, our big touchstone—the influence so great that most works either evoke it or take the trouble to say "Our vampires are different"—is Dracula, obviously. Which was published exactly 50 years after Varney, in 1897. But Varney's touchstone is Polidori's short story "The Vampyre" (1819). And for most of the 1800s, this was everyone's touchstone. Per Wikipedia (which I'm going to lean on for how concise it is, but I concur with this from my own research as well):

An adaptation appeared in 1820 with Cyprien Bérard's novel Lord Ruthwen ou les Vampires, falsely attributed to Charles Nodier, who himself then wrote his own dramatic version, Le Vampire, a play which had enormous success and sparked a "vampire craze" across Europe. This includes operatic adaptations by Heinrich Marschner (see Der Vampyr) and Peter Josef von Lindpaintner (see Der Vampyr), both published in the same year. Nikolai Gogol, Alexandre Dumas [note: I have the Ruthven play he wrote around here somewhere] and Aleksey Tolstoy all produced vampire tales, and themes in Polidori's tale would continue to influence Bram Stoker's Dracula and eventually the whole vampire genre. Dumas makes explicit reference to Lord Ruthven in The Count of Monte Cristo, going so far as to state that his character "The Comtesse G..." had been personally acquainted with Lord Ruthven. [...]

In England, James Planché's play The Vampire, or The Bride of the Isles was first performed in London in 1820 at the Lyceum Theatre based on Charles Nodier's Le Vampire, which in turn was based on Polidori. Such melodramas were satirised in Ruddigore, by Gilbert and Sullivan (1887); a character called Sir Ruthven must abduct a maiden, or he will die.

Back when no one gave a shit about copyright, Polidori's work was spun out into a cottage industry of knock-off stories and plays, an entire horror zeitgeist. Lord Ruthven was, for 78 years, who you copied, who you riffed on, who you parodied, what Count Dracula is to us now: the archetypal vampire. The Big Guy. And Varney is clearly cut from his cloth—the ostensible gentleman who worms his way into the lives of respectable, unwitting people. Unlike Dracula, there's no foreigner Othering, no "historical basis," no undercurrents of contagion and infection, no ambition to make the world his wine-press, none of that; Ruthven is a simpler figure, but the dominant one of this time no less. He is a stranger who shows up in the middle of London high society, icy and distant, his eyes “dead grey”—stern, yet somehow compelling when he cares to be. And when he cares to be, you're in trouble.

And this is the cultural consciousness when Francis Varney shows up.

[Chapter one will go up sometime this week, March 8-10 or so.]

[skaruresonic]

Can you do an analysis on shadow's line in battle where he says "if the world wants peace they'll have to destroy us first" ?

Sorry for the delay; I'm pretty sure I've discussed this particular scene before but since Tumblr's search system is massively unhelpful, naturally I can't link you to the post. So we'll be looking at it again :P

This time I'll be relying on TheSinnerChrono's transcript of the game instead of screenshots because this post would otherwise become way too long and unruly. Here's the link:

Sonic Battle - Game Script - Game Boy Advance - By mtkennerly - GameFAQs (gamespot.com)

---

First thing to note is that Shadow is experiencing a lot of internal conflict about being a weapon of war vs. being an autonomous being with a heart and mind of his own.

The way this conflict presents itself is via stubborn denial for much of his story. Shadow tends to reject emotion for the most part, considering it weakness, but for a few notable exceptions.

When he encounters Sonic for the first time, Shadow's story noticeably omits his demand that Sonic hand over Emerl and the ensuing fight, in the usual Rashomon style these Adventure-era games tend to tell their stories with.

However, Sonic's "He's at Tails' place" and "Why are you after him, anyway?" imply this is not the first time he's pursued Emerl. I would argue that this omission fits Shadow's general trend of denial.

What we get from here is an interesting back-and-forth between Sonic and Shadow about the Chaos Emeralds, the Gizoid, and whether "weapons" have hearts.

I find this conversation interesting, and not just because it's the polar opposite of the scene in IDW 6. It's interesting in that it's a rare occasion where Shadow and Sonic bandy words without devolving into a physical fight, and those words furthermore tackle some pretty heavy concepts of identity, power, and war.

Especially war.

Battle's anti-war message is about as subtle as a tire iron to the face. While SA2 only alluded to cultural fears of WMGs with its hint-dropping about the development of the Eclipse Cannon, Battle takes the ball and runs with it, making not only Emerl but Shadow question their very identities as instruments of destruction. And then furthermore has the other characters wax poetic about it.

Worth noting as well that Sonic's insistence that Shadow has a heart matches Shadow's vehement denial of that very concept, leading to a stalemate where Sonic surprisingly relents Emerl. Shadow wore him down with his angsty emo shit lol.

The stark difference in Sonic and Shadow's mindsets becomes clear when you consider their word choice. Shadow strictly calls Emerl's power "power," while Sonic calls the power bestowed by all seven Emeralds "unlimited energy":

Shadow: "Right now, its true power lies dormant."

Sonic: "I've heard that he who collects 7 'Chaos Emeralds' will be granted unlimited energy."

To Sonic, this energy is morally neutral. It is not inherently destructive. His wording reflects not only his thinking, but his personal experiences in wielding Chaos Emerald energy for good.

Shadow, however, deems the pursuit of power an inherent path to ruin, tainted by mankind's thirst for war. As a living manifestation of that desire - or so he thinks - he insists on dehumanizing himself. Numbing the part of himself that feels and cares is the only way his conscience will stop screaming at him.

As has been pointed out numerous times before, this scene directly contradicts the moment in IDW 6 where Sonic brings up Shadow's past sins in order to win the argument about Mr. Tinker:

Instead, we have Sonic arguing for Shadow's heart, as well as the idea that Shadow once acted for the good of humanity and can do it again.

The real irony here is that Battle!Sonic is actually being a little bit of that bleeding-heart "everyone is good deep down" moral champion IDW fans think IDW!Sonic is, what with his whole spiel about "if you have a heart, there's no way you could use your power for the forces of evil."

The important caveats to keep in mind, however, are that:

A.) Sonic has seen proof of Shadow's heart for himself; he doesn't make his argument despite a lack of evidence, unlike Eggman, for whose supposed "goodness" he struggles to think of a single example. He clearly states "Maybe you've forgotten, but I seem to recall you saving humanity at some point." So his argument is not just him blowing flower petals up Shadow's ass - it's grounded in fact. Whether or not Shadow wants to face those facts lies on Shadow.

And B.) Sonic is probably waxing poetic this hard because Shadow's being equally stubborn in insisting that he's just a tool of destruction. His self-dehumanization, in fact, appears to disturb Sonic in a way we seldom see in other games:

Sonic suggests Shadow and Emerl play some games together. Shit's probably getting too heavy for him and he's getting freaked out, in addition to simply wanting Shadow to wisen up.

Shadow regularly says stuff like "Weapons have no need for a conscience" and "There's no need for a weapon to have feelings," and it's clear the so-called "weapon of war" doth protest too much. He wouldn't be pointing out the folly of Real Boy Feelings(tm) if on some level he wasn't suffering the cognitive dissonance of having them. His disgust at Emerl acknowledging his own capacity for feeling joy and friendship at the end of his story pretty much confirms this.

But even more interesting than that is his dour outlook on humanity: he feels it's a given that mankind must destroy the instruments of its own destruction if it ever wants peace. That it's a weapon's fate to be used and discarded precisely because, in his misanthropic view, humanity is foolish, belligerent, and greedy:

However, despite Shadow's brooding observations, the scene ends on a lighthearted note, with Sonic laughing "Some ultimate weapon you are!" in Emerl's wake:

[softness-and-shattering]

About the Mean Girls musical movie

I know Ive had conversations before about the cultural context stuff, that it seems like the message was not as effective as the first movie when the stuff its talking about, how girls are wrong whatever they do and everything is up for criticism and filming, and you have to pretend to be sweet and kind fairy princesses instead of being allowed to be human. And Id have to go back and find those posts to see what I do and dont agree with now. Because I just saw the movie. And honestly, I liked it. A lot of the visuals were really fun and interesting, which I think is impressive in a movie that mostly takes place inside of a high school. Regina more than once looks like she's in a music video, and that works because shes so hyped, its like she lives in a reality where not only do people break into song, but she's always in a music video. She really sells the character, self-assured and in charge and perfectly manipulative, and even when she's being vulnerable you're like, but is this another deception? She's more villainous in this version, and by the end maybe more human as well. (also the costuming is phenomenal, that Halloween angel dress?? The entire Halloween Someone Get Hurts sequence might be my favourite. )

Also Renee Rapp, who plays Regina, is just incredibly hot. She also played Regina on Broadway so it makes sense she has the character down. Thats not film critique thats my personal admiration. Its almost a little silly with the "oh no Regina is gaining weight she cant fit her clothes" because she looks amazing. [Edit: She's also obviously - I was gonna say she seems older than the other "teens" but actually she's 24, so Im having a moment of feeling old. And she's actually the same age as Auli'i Cravalho who is a lot younger in my mind because holy shit Moana came out EIGHT years ago?? Angourie Rice/Cady is 23, Jaquel Spivy/Damian is 26, Avantika/Karen is 19, thats more the age I thought they were but not the cast seems to be mostly 23-26. Its so weird when times moves the same for people while your image of them in your head stays the same. So Rapp isn't older she's just a bit bigger (neutral/positive). And she's been playing the role for a long time. And Im allowed to find her hot because she's a goddamn adult and so am I. This paragraph is not critique it is me blogging on my blog. Now Im annoyed at myself for Caveats of Fear but Im gonna stop dwelling on that now.]

On that note, though I originally liked the musical quite a lot, the significant fatphobia in it soured it for me. And Im happy to say in the musical movie, they changed or omitted those lines. I was waiting to cringe and they just sang something else. So that was great. I think the only fat character was Damian (why does that suddenly look like a vampire name?) - Jaquel Spivy - and he seemed comfy and cool, no self deprecating fat jokes or anything. Generally the lines/jokes that were uncomfortable or a bit bigoted have been changed. Though there isnt any disability rep, and theres a random character the burn book claims puts alcohol in her inhaler, like a 3 second joke.

And the big thing is that a lot of the meanness is shown in montages of vertical video and comments - no-brand tiktok obviously - and I think thats pretty realistic, and also in the original theme of not being mean to peoples faces but talking all kinds of shit behind their backs. And I think the montage format is effective in mimicking that endless scroll eyes glazing over stuck in the doom scroll/stuck in the spectacle. The music was good. I really liked how they overlaid the Spring Fling/thematic music with the math competition. If anything, Cady is not as good of a character, her Plastic switch is basically overnight, the scene with Aaron at the party is still kinda of awkward, she doesnt get as much room to breathe, while almost everyone else comes off really well. Heck even the candy cane/glen coco guy did well, I was actually suprised at how differently and yet excellently the actors acted their lines, compared both to the previous movie and the musical. Auli'i is fantastic, scary Janis is *scary*. And I simultaneously want to be her best friend. (It certainly helps that her art is augmented with embroidery and she's carrying embroidery hoops in multiple scenes. Fiber arts my loves.)

When I first saw a trailer my thoughts were "ugh we dont need another movie of this," but I think Ive changed my mind. Its similar enough and different enough that for me its a good adaptation. Also - I almost forgot to say - Janis gets a girlfriend for Spring Fling. Its not a plot point, we're just montaging getting ready and Janis goes to pick her up (in the lavender suit), and Damian is taking photos with two other sapphic couples. And he gets a crush/admirer who again, is just there to be there and doesnt interfere with the main story. I might change my mind again once its had time to settle in my thoughts, but initial impression is that its a fun movie I would watch again. Maybe we want the social commentary to be more incisive than it is, and in the end it is entertainment that needs to not be too boring to hold peoples shortening attention spans. (also neutral). Maybe thats wishing for it to be a movie that its not trying to be, and thats always a recipe for disappointment and also not great or fair analysis. What a fantastic line to end on*.

[dwarvenbash]

Something a little niche today, the Touro heavy Mech and Buckmaster light Mech from Brigador!

These neat little killing machines actually come packaged with a few weapon options, allowing you to mix and match a bit, which is very true to the original game's spirit.

Especially fell in love with the Touro even more as I was putting it together, it's a very cute little lump of pewter that is quite satisfying to hold.

If you've never heard of Brigador before and are curious, more info about that and these little guys under the cut!

For the accurate Brigador experience, it's best to keep reading while listening to this track on loop:

Now, although those are miniatures up there, Brigador is a video game rather than one of the table top variety. While that may be a distasteful prospect to some, I can assure you it is still quite fun, as evidenced by this screenshot:

There are like fifty levels and I've beaten (nearly) all of them with every loadout, evidence of me doing as such with the really hard ones have been conveniently omitted in this screenshot however.

The game uses these awesome old-school 3D prerendered sprites for everything, which really scratches my nostalgic itch for that old Diablo/Starcraft look (or any 90s RTS for that matter). Here's how the Touro and Buckmaster look in game!

They're somehow even cuter...

The excellent art direction coupled with some really solid writing made Brigador a staple game for me. Whenever I have a couple minutes to kill and I'm at my computer, I'll usually just boot up Brigador and try to clear some challenge I've been working on. It's a very relaxing habit, despite the tone of the game which is actually quite grim! (Hopefully this doesn't reflect on me badly...)

Anyway, enough about videogames, we're here to to discuss miniatures!

Now while I am still very pleased that the developers of Brigador decided to release their own pewter miniatures based on designs from the game, I must warn you, my dear reader, that these sculpts may have some pretty gnarly flash and mold line issues. I can't say anything for sure, because all the pieces on my Buckmaster were free of residue and too much flash, but both of the Touros I picked up still had enough mold release where they needed a wash, and their chassis pieces had pretty big chunks of flash. I had picked up two to convert one into a Corvid mech (I can't decide between a Sweetheart or a Fatshoe) anyway though so it isn't that big a deal. The Touros were the first models they released, so I'm sure they've worked out the kinks at this point.

All that being said, I still had a good time putting these guys together and I'm very excited to paint them up in their proper NEP livery. I think I'll put them on Battletech hex bases since theyre about the right size and could work as stand-ins for some underdog Inner Sphere mecha, perhaps.

Funnily enough, these miniatures are also technically 1:144 scale, which is exactly the same scale as a Gundam High Grade model kit! Here they are next to a 1:144 scale Pilot to give you a sense of how big they would be in real life:

Something very satisfying about being able to do this with miniatures. I wish Battletech played this nice with regards to scale...

....aaand now compared to a Mobile Suit:

Makes you realize how ridiculously huge Mobile Suits are, huh?

One shot from the Touro's Abbot could probably still blow that poor Leo up, though...

Thanks for reading this far! This one has been especially indulgent, but it's always fun to talk about something underrated in the hopes more people will check it out.

Going forward on here, I'm considering making more "short-form" posts (yes, it is possible) with more quick updates on what I'm working on. Most miniatures probably won't necessitate an entire screed to accompany them either, believe it or not. I'll still be writing up long ones like these though; I have a long, long list of opinions and diatribes and I am desperately trying to spare my loved ones from being subjected to them. Most importantly, though, it's fun to write about this stuff. :P

[just-antithings]

So I sent this to a different blog where op posted and deleted my ask because the exact type of people I described in here came to spread their bs and op believed it (not op's fault).

To all the assholes refusing to acknowledge that society fucking despises transmascs: look up Yamato (just Yamato or Yamato One Piece), a transmasc character in one of the most popular anime and manga of all time, on social media, especially twitter. The comments under any post about him are disgusting - misgendering, using the author's confusion on trans people as "proof", using character's transphobia as "proof", saying extremely vile and transphobic shit under fanart where he's depicted as not pre-anything (usually post-top), Waifu themed accounts including him. You can't know for sure if the artists drawing him aren't also transphobic tbh, I've stopped liking art/screenshots before checking if the artist hasn't liked one of the replies misgendering him, or said something themselves, or if the vibes are off.

On top of the someone coming in and proving my point that there's no respect for transmasc characters, it turns out they have a pretty transmed take on it as well... Yamato would be bad representation apparently, because he isn't your conventional western characterization of a transmasc but also because he is pre-op/t and doesn't pass and doesn't care to pass and that's not how transmasc should be seen. 🙃🙃🙃

I am tired. Every transmasc character (tbh the majority of all trans characters) gets brutally dissected and people use the author's incompetence as some form of proof that no canon trans character was actually ever trans. If this shit was coming from the dudebro parts of fandoms only, it would've been better ig, at least more tolerable. But it coming from other queer people? Supposed allies? Other trans people?

It hurts.

Also even if you believe Yamato isn't trans, the comment on how people treat his character still stands 100%:

He uses he/him pronouns IN CANON, but people still misgender him. Mainly because he doesn't pass;

The author/company has listed the trans characters' sex rather than gender on info cards accompanying the series and it's not just Yamato that is wrongly stated, Okiku's (trans woman) states male. But people don't really use her card to debunk her transness;

The author has included him in a non-canon art spread of all the girls (and omitted Kiku from it);

A merch company (so non-canon again AND not consulted with the creator) has included him in the "Ladies Line" figures;

People say he's been ruined under post-top surgery fanart all the time. His only value falls on his body and big chest;

Incels are mad because wanting to fuck him makes them gay.

Sorry for making this so long, hope the mods are having a great day!

.

[principles-of]

I was tasked to photograph buildings and encouraged to play around with how to present it. My city has plenty of looooong strip malls and I wanted to show how (almost comedically) long they were. But how? I can't fit it in the frame. I landed on this idea: shoot with a prime lens, photograph different sections of the building from a consistent distance, and look out for parking lot traffic. Sloppily stitch them together in google slides. It's an assignment not a print so I didn't worry at all about the polish of the editing, just enough to translate my idea into imagery.

If I could do it again I would

Use a different lens. My 35mm prime is really fun to shoot on. Probably my favorite lens. It has so much character and imperfections. Which is precisely why I should've gone with the 50mm. There is no vignetting, images are crisp and professional and I know exactly how images will turn out. No "character" of the lens coming out to play. Just my view.

Shoot in RAW. I shot in jpeg because I wanted to get it right in camera. They turned out too blue (shot at 8pm), and too underexposed for my liking. Even if I am confident in how I'm shooting, the RAWs are a nice backup. It's 2024. I can use the tech to support my goals, but it should not supplement my technique.

Give myself more time to shoot. I hate to admit it, but I left the assignment on the table until the last opportunity. While shooting, I wish I had more time before it got too dark. I felt rushed. I had ideas how to improve already, but I couldn't go back to improve those old shots. I could only apply it moving forward, like omitting distracting elements like cars or pedestrians.

Use a tripod. I could line the photos up pretty well in post, but I think having a tripod would enhance the realism of these long buildings. My shots would more consistent in framing, leading to a more surreal final image after stitching.

My idea was inspired by a photo by Chris De Bode, Exodus from Libya, featured in Aperture no. 214. The repetition makes it hard for me to find a beginning and an end. It's subjects chaotic while setting is sound and structured. Both of those elements bring the peoples' voice to the front "We are being exiled by our country. We have no choice but to leave." My photographs aim to hear the voice of these buildings. What do they say to you?

[paleblueeyessoyoung]

In this post I decided to pay attention to the album Pretty on the Inside. This idea came to me when I saw this bright pink record. I want to tell you a little bit about the beginning of the band as well as the album itself. I want to point out that this is all in a shortened version but I’m not going to omit some interesting facts.

Hole formed in 1989 in California with the help of Courtney Love and Eric Erlandson, with the backing of Kim Gordon (bassist and singer of the band Sonic Youth).

The first line-up also included Lisa Robert, Caroline Rue and Michael Harnett. Michael and Lisa were later replaced by Jill Emery. With them The band’s first singles, Retard Girl, Dicknail and Teenage Whore, was released .

After that, Hole began to be called one of the most promising bands in 1991. After confession, Courtney wrote to Gordon asking to become a permanent producer of project. In the envelope she placed a hairpin Hello Kitty(She may have brought it from Japan, where she had briefly lived before.)

The band's first album "Pretty on the Inside" was released in 1991. There were two producers involved in the recording and promotion, the aforementioned Kim Gordon and also Don Fleming.

The album reached number 59 on the list of the national hit parade in England. Tracks from it stayed in the charts for about a year.

This success was followed by the joint European tour Hole and MUDHONEY (American grunge band). It was at these Concerts that Courtney Love became known as the first female woman-performer to smash a guitar on stage.

After all that, Pretty on the Inside was named album of the year by "The Village Voice" magazine .

Well, I’ve been working on this for over an hour, so I hope you were interested in reading this❤️.

[violivs]

NMTDaily: Introducing Leo AND Rebuttal AND tiny bonus video

These episodes are so intrinsically linked that I’m covering them together in one post. Starting with…

Introducing Leo

- Aww, Leo’s so uncomfy on camera. And Bea and Hero are so cute with Bea making the Nothing Much to Do joke and Hero pushing her over. I love these three.

- The sunshine framing them makes this video so pretty, too!

- I love the line “I’m not related to these two.” It’s meta, because in-world it’s a tongue-in-cheek ‘you’re embarrassing’, but out-of-world, it’s the truth. These are three actors who are not related to each other. I don’t know why that tickles me, but it does.

- “You know what I can’t stand about guys?” “Uh, everything?” Perfect.

- Interesting that this is Bea’s chosen topic for a random chatty video that’s supposed to be about introducing Leo to the viewers. For being so anti-boys, she sure has them on the brain.

- This is an incredible modernization of the beard/no beard line from the play, I love it. It does also handily rule out all boys across the board from dating Bea, which is a useful rhetorical strategy when you don’t actually want a boyfriend!

- “I understand me.” “You’re the only one.” This moment is gonna be paralleled later, and I’m already screaming about it. I think people are avoiding spoilers in their liveblogs, so I’ll just omit the context, but I cannot wait for “I’m glad that you understand me.”

- Ben is walking alone, a safe distance behind the group of other kids walking by. Socially anxious behavior. Just saying.

- “See you in Hell, Beatrice.” I adore that they already have inside jokes, that they already gravitate towards each other in class enough for that to happen.

- Leo wanting to defend Bea when nothing is actually wrong: foreshadowing for failing to defend someone else when something IS wrong?

- How is it a pop quiz if the kids know about it in advance? I thought a pop quiz always referred to a surprise quiz?

- I love that Ben is meddling in Claudio’s love life at the same time as Bea is offering to meddle in Hero’s love life. Parallels!

- Beatrice the awesome old cat lady! I love all the cat doodles onscreen.

- Leo is struggling here. What is he, 23? He didn’t sign up to raise teens and it shows, lol. Trying and failing to give Hero the be careful about boys talk.

- Eternally obsessed with Beatrice going on the internet and telling everyone her type is lanky dark-haired British guys, and then STILL spending months in denial about liking Ben after this. I love her.

- I did not know who JJ Field was when I first saw this episode. I still don’t think I’ve ever seen a single thing he’s been in.

- Hero calling Bea the heck out! “A thing for British guys? Hmm, who do we know who’s British?”

- “No one, we don’t know anyone!” *all fall over adorably*

- It’s been pointed out by Donalduke shippers before that these girls know two lanky dark-haired British guys: Ben Hobbes and John Donaldson. I still think that’s an interesting pickup. Some of the things that on Ben make him Beatrice’s ideal guy, become things that are different and weird about John.

- “please don’t call me Crotchety Old Emu” another all-timer when it comes to NMTD lines.

- It honestly feels like the whole Emu Time bit could have been completely improvised. They feel like real siblings/cousins making fun of each other, I love it.

- We also know from later context clues exactly how serious a threat “I’ll call my mum” is coming from Bea. You don’t mess with Hermione Duke!

REBUTTAL

- It’s a line from the trailer! “Beatrice is a stupid little so-and-so who doesn’t know anything about anything!” Classic.

- I love how he actually could have been way harsher but said “so-and-so” instead of a swear word. Because he already doesn’t hate her as much as he wants to?

- “There’s no one on Earth who’s ever gonna fill her grand criteria, no one!” And then her actual boyfriend criteria list is one item long: ‘must be Benedick Hobbes’.

- And of course, he’s only upset because he thinks he doesn’t fit her criteria, even though he doesn’t fully realize that yet.

- He’s relieved that he can talk about her without her watching the videos AND annoyed that she stopped watching at the same time. He’s obsessed with her, I’m sorry.

- Not to mention that he watches all HER videos the second they drop and frequently makes video responses to them. Babydoll, honestly. I am zero percent fooled. You love her.

- He also links to her Tweet about her latest video in the video description, so he probably follows her on Twitter (even though he didn’t have a transmedia twitter account shhh)

- PARRADAWKS, a classic moment (we love you Jake, we call out this little Scottish slip in only good fun!)

- Honestly I’m just obsessed that he was deadass like “did you just say I’m exactly your type but because I don’t have a beard I’m too young for you?! I am deeply offended and here’s a bulleted list as to why you’re wrong. Also I definitely don’t want to date you. Promise. No really. I don’t!”

- “I make jokes, I crack wise!” Don’t make me go off about Ben’s court jester complex where he thinks he’s only worth being around as long as he’s entertaining and no one actually likes him as a person beyond the performance. I’ll do it. I will!

- I love this bit so much. “You’re a mean-spirited old dragon!” *flaps hands like dragon wings*

- “I’ve seen deep into your heart and you feel nothing!” WHOA, big-time dip into the tragic backstory of how she stopped being his friend and broke his heart on this line!

- Oh good, his eyes look dark blue in this video. I’ve worried before that I described them as blue in fanfic but I’ve seen other people describe them as brown in fanfic so I might’ve been wrong. Pretty certain they’re blue though. Nothing wrong with any eye color, I just like to get my details right.

- BONUS secret lost video of Ben asking for Q&A questions! I forgot all about this, but it was definitely still on the channel when I first started watching the series.

- I would have kept this on the story playlist solely because every one of the limited moments I have of Benedick Hobbes on my screen is a treasure and I want them all thank you. Even if they are bad quality.

- Ben stole the idea of doing a Q&A from Bea and Hero.

- And the keysmash of letters that is this video’s title includes the letters GF, which is definitely a coincidence but also Ben is very soon to have a realization about the concept of GFs, so it makes me laugh.

- He mentions being on the way home from Claudio’s house. I am very sad that Ben is in a good place in his friendship with Claudio, goes over to his house and has him to his own house all the time, STILL feels constantly afraid of losing him as a friend to the point of being overbearing, and then… The Eventuality will happen. :(

- Ends it with every single NewWho catchphrase up to 12. I love him. What a nerd.

💖🦩🥭

[cak31ssuperi04]

Ask and you shall receive @likesaly

Tobari

(ripping this one from the tags of my other hc post since I'm not sure if anyone reads those)

-That said she actually was practicing coding before she ran off, although the hacking was a more recent development.

-Growing up she had a tendency to jump between hobbies before getting bored and moving to the next one. Her family was rich enough to pay for classes and tutors so it was feasible, even if they found it annoying. Learned some of her trades while freelancing but she already had a pretty sizeable skillset.

-Between her and the other hackers, she empathizes the most with Mikado, having been deemed unreadable and difficult to understand herself. Which isn't to say she necessarily likes or goes along with him, but she goes easy on him.

-Perpetually winking because she's blind in her right eye.

-Familiar with Momori's work and admires her as a designer(<-mentioned this under the relationship chart post but dropping it here for posterity's sake)

-Has gotten into an argument with Kotora over whether tea was better than coffee(although neither of them dislikes the other, they do have, preferences) and it was the singular time Kirai and Nomiya were actually scared of either of them. Mikado insists milkshakes are superior to both and hell is unleashed on him.

-Does typically get along with Kotora though, finds more common ground with him than Kirai or Nomiya on account of both of them being the Mature Reasonable Adults of the group(even if she thinks he's a pushover and he thinks she's a little too easygoing about the crime stuff)

-Worked at the drugstore with Shitara at one point. Both big gossipers. While Tobari may not have been as good at seeing through the twins' bullshit as she was her resolve was unwavering, the prank that ends up getting to her(and even then she only gets frustrated, but it's enough to scare the twins) ends up being something completely trivial.

-Takes up work at Flower Bee after her stint as a hacker is over(tea buddies with Chino and omitted a Lot of details about her line of work). That goes about as well as you'd expect, with Haruya being one of the hackers' targets (Haruya is incredibly suspicious around her but they warm up to each other, sort of. Tobari helps Haruya learn to stand up for himself at least)

Shinobu

My Nanashi-Shinobu hc is 10 other hcs in a trenchcoat so it's a bit hard to get into that but a couple of somewhat unrelated ones are that

-He reads a lot, but is partial to mystery novels. Has a knack for trying to replicate cases from them.

-Shitsuna actually was influenced by Shinobu into saying she wished Merue had died(re. at one point she mentions the garden being her favorite area in the hotel. I'm thinking Shinobu finds out that their relationship had gotten a bit rocky after the accident and used that to his advantage). -The fatcats are chillgoing enough but Shinobu is bad with pets by default. They just don't like him. Either avoids them entirely or puts them under some weird kind of pet trance. -Started working at the hotel soon after Misane and Nanase placed their reservation there. Don't ask how he got the info.

-The Shinobu Kasuga alias was based around "Izuchi Nasuga" (in a similar sense as the Mikado-Misane deal) hence him being the only side character who makes a reappearance despite not having any plot relevance. (this one is related I just wanted to mention it)

Misane -Plushie collecter! Partial to cats ofcourse, big fan of whatever the 1bit equivalent of Hello Kitty is(maybe it is just hello kitty. Maybe Hello Kitty is timeless). Kind of embarrassed about it so Toukai and Nanashi are the only ones who know about it but that won't stop her from staring one of them down into buying her one whenever they come across a novelty plushie rack. -Mother died when she was fairly young, so she only has spotty memories of her. For how professional and pragmatic Toukai may appear he did spoil her a bit growing up. He's not perfect but he's trying. -While it wasn't the last or even necessarily the one that convinced the higher ups to take her on as an apprentice detective, her mother's death was one of her first big cases and the one that pushed her to trying to become an actual detective. It was essentially a cold case she dug up and solved behind Toukai's back, and is to some extent the root of her strong sense of justice. -Other than that she was more isolated to local cases, finding missing pets and lost jewelry and the whatnot(with maybe some more serious stuff sprinkled in. Kid sticking her nose where it doesn't belong with an alarming success rate type beat). Looked up to her dad a lot and was really perceptive for how clumsy she was. -It still took a lot of persistence to get him to let her though, since she was so young. Was 13 when she became an apprentice. While he may not be entirely aware of how it affected her(growing up too fast and all) he doesn't doubt her skill. -Most of her work as an apprentice is supposed to just involve following other detectives around and helping them out/observing them, even if she does have a tendency to take charge when she comes across a case on her own. -The pressure of trying to live up to the position only amplified how nervy she was and caused her to fuck up a lot(enter her speech about Nanase being there for her). -Also a big reader! Always has been but she also. Is partial to mystery, although after she starts pretty much living that life she finds them kind of predictable anymore and sees herself drawn to more escapist stories(fantasy and the like). -Tendency to climb up into trees to clear her mind when she gets frustrated. Probably has gotten stuck a couple of times but now just skitters up and down like it's nothing. Falls asleep up there sometimes. -Toukai was worried about her falling out but despite her assertions that it was Fine he resolved to build a treehouse for her. Which basically ended up going unfinished for the longest time because he can't build for shit. Nanashi does eventually help finish it(can't really build either but probably knows someone who does. And hey, two heads is better than one) but alas, while Misane appreciates the sentiment she just continues falling sleep on the adjacent branches. Uses the house more to store snacks than anything. -Carries cat toys everywhere in case she meets a cat. Always ready always prepared. (Tends to find herself fidgeting with them herself but shush. they're for the cats) -Has 2 cats herself! I haven't decided their names yet but they're there. -Reconnects with Natsukage and Miumi after the events of XXX.

[notyonatto]

Thinking about the tags I left under the post on the Carlisle boarding school that stole Native youths. Both my grandmother and grandfather are mixed Native and Irish but have no language (Irish or their respective Native languages), no Native culture. My grandmother has some Native stories and some medicines, but that’s all. My grandfather has nothing. My grandmother’s mother was Eastern Band Cherokee, and and she was stolen as a child by the US government then sold off to a terrible drunkard Irish man three times her age. I remember her. I spent much time with her as a child. My grandfather believes his mother was from Blackfoot Nation, that’s what she always told him, but we have been struggling to figure out exactly which band and where she was originally from before she was stolen. I do not know as much much about her and am still trying to learn more.

Anyway, this post is mostly directed at white people with Native ancestors. My whole life, I have come across other white folks who proudly proclaim they’re partially Native. That’s fine, I am too. But that’s typically where it ends. It’s simply a fun fact. It’s simply something you cash in when trying to show off your unique ancestry to a group of people. But never is it a reflection on colonization. Never is it a reflection on why you have that ancestry. Do you not wonder? How come only a handful of your ancestors are Native? Have you truly investigated your ancestry, or are their lives and experiences simply fun party facts? If you loved your ancestors, you would learn about them. Honor them. Respect them. And part of that for me has always been to fight for the modern justice of Native peoples. I cannot change the past colonization in my ancestral line. I cannot go back in time and protect my great grandmothers. I cannot change the evil things that happened to them, but I can honor them and their legacies of loving their children, loving their grandchildren, of teaching me tenderness and joy when I was a little toddler forming my first memories. And I can honor the strength they must have had to find the space in their hearts to still be capable of tender love despite the suffering and loss and grief they endured. How does one honor that? For me, it is transforming that love into activism. Having those uncomfortable conversations with your family, with other white people. Standing up for injustice, educating yourself, donating to organizations that work to aid modern Native poverty, revitalize Native languages, celebrate and encourage Native art, and uplift Native youth. Uplifting Native voices while making sure not to speak over them.

I do not consider myself to be Native for a myriad of reasons. Phenotypically, I am white. I’m pale and overall look quite Irish American, down to a certain pudginess I’m sure my Irish ancestors are proud of-good for surviving those awful winters. Culturally, I was raised homeschooled in strict conservative Christianity (i do not associate with that religion). And in many ways, I honor my European ancestry- I celebrate Samhain and am pretty connected to Irish-Appalachian culture (fiddles and moonshine and “fuck corporations” type shit), I have many European family recipes from my mom’s side (entirely European American). But I would be utterly and sourly remiss to omit my Native ancestry. And while I struggle to ever consider myself partially Native (maybe if my grandparents were given the chance to learn their languages and cultures, I’d feel differently), I refuse to forget my great grandmothers and their siblings. After all, my first memory was in my mawmaw’s back yard in the mountains. She is my first memory. It was spring, and she had prepared a little Easter party. I found a painted egg, and she clapped and cheered for me, hugged me. My first memory on Earth is of her, and it is light, joy, and love. And I will honor her by transforming that love into activism. For everything she endured and everything her people continue to endure.

So I ask again to all my followers who are white but have some Native ancestry. Do you honor your ancestors, or are they just party facts?

[nityarawal]

9/22/23

Jessie's Boys

Morning Songs

Militia Says

She Was A Romanian

Gypsy

X-Boyfriend

Prison Shower Guard

Dorian

Thought She Was Ukrainian

Pete- Her Last Boyfriend

Trying To Plan A

Getaway

Make A Baby

Said She Was

Actually

American Romanian

Not A Gypsy

At All

LA

Golden Skinned

Blond

Just A Young 2nd Generation

34 Year Old

#FreeBritney

Trying To Be A Mom

Barred From Insulin

By Jealous exes

Like "Killing Of Mr. Green"

By Louis Duncan

Horrors

Crime "Ya"

Teen Mystery

Hell

"Lord Of The Rings"

Conspiracies

American Romanian

From LA

Discriminated Against

At Airbnb 

And Idyllwild "Gay" Realty

By Jessie's Sothby's 

Property Manager

Mary Schmitz

Who Couldn't Triangle

My Kids

After She Wrongfully Evicted

Me

And Scott

Couldn't Get

Me Jessie's Treehouse

Or Rescue Her

On His Motorcycle

Just Another Lady

Almost A

Mom

Smeared In Her Pretty

Prime

Like Marilyn

On Lies

Discriminated 

Against By

Klu Klux Klan

Militia

Triangulated

Skinheads

Jealous Exes

Another Nazi "Mistake"

In A Long Line

Of Killings

Domino Effect

Addicts

Triangulating 

Michael Thompson

Her "X" Boyfriend

Was There

When She Was Found

Gripping Keys- Stressed

Trying To Escape

Him

Taught Knuckles

Dead

Hands Clenched

Naked

In Bed

Was She "Barred"

From

Her Diabetic

Medicine

Insulin

Tortured To Death

Or Did She Die

On Fentanyl

Like Militia

Mitch

An Old Neighbor

Vanessa's Old Man

And Scott Clarke

Locals

Wanted You To Believe

Sheriff Jeremy Parson's

Proud Boys- Pine Cove

Enablers 

Or Was It Staged By Gay 

Trans-Moderators

From Florida

On Meta Facebook

Crime Watch

Social Media

Gossip

Post Apocalypse 

Data Theft

A Play

Book

They

Want You To Believe

Collin

A Roomate

Was There

Reporting 

Lies

Who Was He

Another Of Shane Stewart's

Impotent Latino Gay Lovers'

Addicts

Spying

Triangulating 

Nazis

Jessie

Only

34 Years Old

Innocent

Before She Could

Bare 

Her Babies

No obituary

Or Legacy

Pictures

To

Propagate Her 

Soulmates

Prodigy 

Just Pete

Possibly 

Selling Her

Life

Who Was Collin

He Was There

Tabloid Columnists

Say Triangulated

In Affair

A Gay

Perhaps

Speculating

Who Was Collin

Did He Know Our

"Token" Black

Rastafarians

Blamed

Scapegoats

Sick

With Lymes

Who Was Collin

A Roommate

Planted

Did He Make Up

The One Liners

When He Got

Michael Thompson

Put Under

Forever

3 Months Later

Dead

Supposedly

Murdered

The Tree House 

Pinecove Owners

Are Dead

But "Hurrah"

His Sons'

Might Have Said

Sarcastically

Dennis Glorified

Nymph-Happy-Endings

Prostrate Orgasms

Gluttony 

All Forgotten

In "Pride"

Who Inherited

Homestead

Like When 

Emily Pearson Died

A Property Manager

To Over 400 People

And Her Forgotten

Husband

Idy Folk

Wrongfully Evicted

In Covid

Rejected On

United Way 211

Silenced

Forgotten

Like When

Emily And Her

Husband Died

8 Hours Apart

No One Could Testify

What Really Happened

No Autopsy

Swept Under The Rug

Like So Many

Idyllwild Real Estate

Gay

Murders

For Shane Stewart's

Gangs

Swept Under The Rug

A "Hasbeen"

"Midnight In The"

Woods

Some Say 

Scientologists

Took El Salvadorian

Wives

Daughters

Missing Persons

Victims

Alibis

For Megan's Law

Scares

At Lumber Mill

6 Other Restaurants

In Idy

Wanted To Write

About the "Garden

Of Good And Evil"

Like Savannah

Georgia

Writers

Eyes

We Got

Transvestites

Blooming

A Restaurant 

Owner With

8 Pedophile

Charges

Louise Expected "Life"

Now Running Free

Yet Cops Come Running

For His Chef's

Humble

Car

Compounding

#CampCalifornia

Pimping Radar Out

And Golden Pitbull

Ryder

Pigs

Rape His Widow Friend

Liz

Charity Project

On Petty Crimes

For Addicts

Silencing Lies

Big "Stories" About

Shane Stewart's Lovers

Facts Omitted

8 Pedophile Crimes

Never Syndicated 

News Stories

Butterfield's Brokers 

12 Teachers At The Art Academy

Countless Students

Teachers Fired

Children Incarcerated

Silenced

Caged

Peace,

Nitya Nella Davigo Azam Moezzi Huntley Rawal 

[splatsvilles-fashionista]

Little details you might have missed in the Splatoon 3 Direct

I meant to get this out pretty soon after the Direct, but I came down with a cold like a couple of hours after it aired which knocked me out for most of the weekend. Additionally, I had a lot of stuff that I noticed in the Direct that got elaborated upon in the official website, meaning that I posted them in the post about instead. I also omitted all weapon kits, as I posted that as a separate post.

As a result, a lot of what I’m about to bring up might be things you’ve already seen or heard of elsewhere. I’ll make this post regardless, just in case it has something any of you haven’t heard before!

- We’re actually gonna start off in the Japanese version of the Direct, because this detail is hidden in the English version:

Here’s the overview of Hammerhead Bridge, but wait a minute, what is that in the distance?

Why, that’s the NILS statue!

The reason this isn’t visible in the English Direct is that the “Hammerhead Bridge” title card is so long that it covers up most of the statue for the entirety of the shot.

- Next, a neat little detail about the Splatana Wiper: If you one-shot an opponent with a close-ranged charged swipe, you get the direct hit sound effect, just like Blasters do.

- Now, let’s talk about two things I noticed with the Reefslider. The first is that it seems to have some invincibility frames during parts of its animations, as we can see the octoling in the video stand right in the line of fire of a Hydra Splatling and be perfectly fine. I can’t imagine it having full invincibility for the entire duration of the Special, but it is probably invincible during the final slide.

Another neat thing we see much later in the Direct, in the Splatfest section, is that it seems you can stop prematurely if you want to, as this octoling detonates about halfway through the duration of the Special.

- Let’s have a bit of a Salmon Run-down, as I have several things to discuss here. The first of which is that it seems there are now more than four Specials you can randomly be assigned.

The initial Salmon Run next Wave trailer showed that two of them are the Crab Tank and Killer Wail 5.1, but the Direct also showed several more!

Booyah Bomb, Inkjet, Reefslider, Triple Inkstrike, and Wave Breaker are all shown off very clearly, being the Specials held by some of the players in the clip.

Next up let’s talk about the [[Big Shot]].

More specifically, it seems that after you’ve defeated the big guy itself, you’re able to use its machine yourself to fire Golden Eggs! We’re not shown the specifics of where they land, but based on the initial clip it seems the Big Shot might always aim somewhere in the vicinity of the Egg Basket, and the same will likely be true for the eggs fired by players as well.

Next, lets talk about a choice of wording. When introducing the Cohozuna, the narrator calls it “one of the King Salmonids”.

“ONE”.

This likely implies that there are several other King Salmonids they’ve yet to show us. How exciting! If I can dream for a moment I think it’d be really cool if we got to fight ω-3, the Salmonid band, piloting a giant mech, DJ Octavio-style. That probably won’t happen, but hey, might as well dream big.

Now, let’s move onto my next segment, the Single-Player section. There’s a fair amount to cover here, so let’s start off with something easy.

Aw, hey, Splashdown, we thought you were dead.

Splashdown is back, but likely only in Single Player. We haven’t seen it on any weapon kits, and that is probably because it is thoroughly outclassed by Reefslider, which seems to have designed to replace it. Single Player, however, need not follow those rules at all, so anything goes. Additionally, the player is shown actually gaining Special Charge the old-fashioned way, by turfing.

There is something odd going on here, however. Pay attention to all the UI elements in the screenshot above.

Now look at this one. Noticing anything?

This second screenshot does not have the Sub Weapon wheel (if you can call it that) shown in the earlier clip. In fact, it is only shown in the first clip, where Agent 3 is wearing their uniform. That’s not the only difference, though.

We also seem to have both Hero Mode AND Octo Expansion-style end-of-level gates. Again, we only see the Zapfish in the first clip.

And hey, hold on a moment. One of the notable differences in these clips is that Agent 3 seems to wearing different clothes in them.

We actually SEE when they lose the uniform at the very end of that section of the Direct! I think this means that the Single Player campaign is actually split into two distinct sections, one more like Hero Mode and one more like Octo Expansion. How very intriguing.

That said, I am just about finished now, so to leave you off on something else that is very intriguing, let’s think back to this clip:

Now, is it just me, or do these things, up close, look a lot like moray eels?

Now, do we know anyone that is associated with eels?

Hmm. Food for thought.

[bibbykins]

Double Date

A/N: Hello my dears! I'm not done with the Jin and/or Hobi confession yet but I did write this little flashback last week and think I'm finally ready to post it! This is the situation in which Jimin discovered MC's reaction to yelling, just to clarify. As always, please hop into my ask box and give me some of that lovely feedback!

Note: This is a flashback as part of the drabble series The Household's Bunny, which I recommend reading the installments of prior to this one

Word Count: 4.2k

Pairing: Soft Yandere! Jimin x Chubby! Reader

Warnings: Lying, fatphobia, usage of the word "fat" as an insult, talks of sex, yelling, vomiting, implied previous trauma, bad friend, loser date, verbal argument, implied stalking, yandereish behavior

Summary: On a double date was not how Jimin imagined your first date with him going. Let alone, a double date in which you both are with someone else. The torture of sitting next to his ex and watching you with another man was well worth it to see you up close. He could only hope you and his "date" don't mind his blatant staring at you.

Jimin often wondered how he ended up so stupid sometimes. From prodigy orphan to absolute idiot. It was a little tragic. Here you were, back from the hospital, a smile on your face, sitting across the table from him… and he was on a date with your friend Yoora.

Sure, Yoora was fine, but she wasn’t you. That’s why they had broken up in the first place. He just… didn’t like her. Of course, he omitted the fact was that he liked someone else.

You, on the other hand, were on a date with some lowlife he hadn’t even bothered to remember the name of. Yoora had begged Jimin to go on a date, to which he vehemently denied. He had dated Yoora and things fizzled out quickly, so he saw no value in going on a date again. He only budged with her begging when she said it was for you, who was apparently too nervous to be on a date alone with this other guy. He sprung at the chance to see you outside of class, something he could only hope Yoora didn’t notice. Although, Jimin couldn’t help but wonder why you would go on a date with someone you weren’t comfortable being alone with, but maybe he was just bitter you were going on a date with someone that wasn’t him.

You flashed Jimin a brief smile in between your chat with Yoora, making his mind go blank. Fuck, you were so pretty. You wore a simple white turtleneck with a brown plaid skirt and brown loafers with white socks to match. You looked unbelievably cute, even against the aged neon fabric of the chairs at the bowling alley. Not that your date appreciated just how divine you looked, hardly paying you any mind, instead looking around constantly and only really responding to Yoora.

Not that Jimin was being much better to Yoora. His eyes were constantly fixated on you, but both you and Jimin unaware of this blatant fact. He hadn’t been this close to you outside of the classroom in… well, basically ever. He watched with hearts in his eyes as you bowled your second gutter ball. He laughed as you bowed cheekily before returning to the table right as your date went to bowl.

“I’m so full!” Yoora exclaimed as you sat back down, the pizza you both agreed to share only having two slices out of it as you reached to make it a third, “I don’t know how you can eat more than one slice, y/n! Good for you.” She giggled obnoxiously as your moves faltered in setting the pizza on your plate.

Jimin’s eyes landed on Yoora’s form for the first time in the whole night with a displeased look. Her form shrunk under his sharp glare and any future taunts she had planned died on her tongue as you searched for the words to say, “She’s just keeping herself nourished for me, aren’t you babe?” Your date spoke with a slimy voice as he slid in the booth next to you and Jimin watched confusion fill your face. Jimin’s smile noticeably dropped.

"It's a little silly to imagine everything she does is for you, no?" Jimin gave your date a pointed look, all with a smile on his face, as your date also shrunk, nodding awkwardly.

The most input your date ever gave to you directly was about how hot you were or to chide at your poor bowling skills. It was a little painful watching your smile fade throughout the date, and Yoora joining in to try and make you feel even worse wasn’t helping. Jimin couldn't imagine a scenario in which any of this would make you happy, and he just couldn't hold his tongue the entire time.

“I’m just hungry.” You shrugged, figuring Jimin was just being a gentleman in lightly scolding Jihoon, “I eat when I’m hungry, hence the pizza.” You spoke simply as you took another bite. You knew what Yoora was doing. Passive-aggressive slights to your weight in front of romantic partners were not shocking to you in the slightest.

This was why you didn’t want to go on a double date with Yoora. Sometimes she was nice and funny, but other times she was like a mean girl straight out of a teen movie. This was why you considered Yoora more acquaintance than a friend since she only talked to you when she had no other friends around. This dynamic was fine enough since you hadn’t made any friends in college, so having someone to interact with was nice enough, but you drew the line at her getting this intimately involved. However, she insisted she should bring herself and Jimin along for your safety. You had joked you’d like to see Jihoon try to carry you away to kidnap you, but she didn’t laugh.

It was ironic that your weight was only funny when she was making the joke.

Yoora shrunk a bit as she watched a smile grace Jimin’s features again while you ate, “I’m gonna use the bathroom.” She spoke hurriedly out of nowhere and you gave her a small wave.

Your date resumed his survey of the building before his eyes caught sight of something and went wide, “Shit, a friend from my bio lab is here.” He murmured quite loudly before turning to you, “I’ll be right back.” He spoke in a similarly rushed tone as he made a bee-line to the restroom.

You gave Jihoon a weak smile, waving him away when you realized he didn’t even look at you for a response before getting up. Well, there goes another liar. Last night it was, “Baby, you’re so beautiful. I could see myself marrying you. Let me take you on a date and then we can come back to my place and seal the deal.” You were no longer so naive as to think a simple handjob would make Jihoon a romantic, but you did hope it would be enough motivation for him to reciprocate with skill. You hated liars, especially liars who do it to get into your bed. On top of that a horny liar with no skill.

Jimin noticed your date dodge the line of vision of his friend and sneak to the bathrooms and frowned, “Why is he going to the bathroom if his friend is right there?” He mused to himself.

“To hide.” You sighed, making Jimin jump, shocked you heard him. You looked up and saw his confusion before sighing, “He doesn’t want to be seen with me, so he’s going to the bathroom.”

Still short-circuiting from the direct eye contact he was making with you, he sputtered, “Wha- Why would-”

“Look at me.” You poked the sliver stomach between the hem of your top and the top of your skirt. Jimin admired the plush skin before snapping himself from the trance.

He shrugged, “I am, and it makes even less sense.” He finally had the determination to hold eye contact with you without his mind going into overdrive and right as you opened your mouth to respond, your phone vibrated.

You looked down at it with a frown, “Yoora wants me to meet her outside.” You mumbled, before looking up at Jimin, “I don’t think I was supposed to say that to you.” You looked at him with a sorry look, “I’ll be back.”

You pushed the front doors open to see Yoora standing with her arms crossed, foot tapping impatiently as she looked around, as if she didn’t send you the text message a mere minute ago. She caught sight of you and her eyes went wide before settling into a smug gaze, “Ah, there you are!” She smiled and it was sickly sweet, “I wanted to tell you Jihoon and I are leaving.”

Ah, she must have been looking around for his car to come around. Well, that’s saving you the awkward conversation of rejecting him, so you shrugged, “Okay.”

Evidently not wanting the nonchalant reaction you gave her she scoffed, “Seriously? You have nothing to say?” For some reason, Yoora would sometimes make it her mission to push your buttons, usually, this was by making you flustered, so you’re not sure what happened to spur on such unadulterated malice.

However, you didn’t really have the energy to dissect it so you shrugged a little more incredulously, “What is there to say? No?” You scoffed, “You guys are consenting adults, you both made a choice-”

“God, you’re so annoying!” Her increase in volume made you jump and also caught the eyes of fellow students and unaffiliated customers just trying to have a night out.

Nevertheless, you blinked wildly, “Me?!” You guffawed, “You’re the one that brought me out here to tell me you’re ditching me and your date?” The whole thing felt so ridiculous.

“Yes, you!” Her hands gestured to you wildly, “My date is oogling you and so I decide to seduce yours and you just say ‘okay’?!” Her volume was increasing and you could feel a familiar nausea pooling in your stomach, “Let me be pissed at you for stealing my date!”

“It’s not my fault I’m hot, nor does that make you less hot.” You countered, not really believing it was you Jimin was interested in, but more so Yoora he wasn’t interested in, “He just doesn’t like you. You said you knew that.” You pointed out, making her falter because you were right. Yoora told you Jimin wasn’t interested in her but she was trying to change that despite your words of caution.

“You? Hot? You’re fat!” Ah, there it was. She was evidently running out of sound reasons to be mad at you but was still not ready to just face the fact that she felt shitty her date looked at the fat girl more than he looked at her.

You couldn’t contain your laugh, “Oh, no shit? I am?” You mockingly looked down at your form, which only seemed to fan the flames.

“Just get fucking mad at me!” She shouted, wiping the smile off of your face

You sucked your teeth, “Stop yelling. You know that yelling makes me-”

She rolled her eyes before losing her mind, “What do I know about you?! You won’t even tell me why you were in the hospital-”

Now you were getting really queasy and annoyed, wanting this to end because at this point she was just yelling at you to feel like less of an asshole, “Because you’ll just tell everyone, and it’s not their business- or yours for that matter!” You felt a little bad criticizing her gossipy nature, but you knew you were going to puke any minute now.

“I’m your friend!” She spat, ironically, in a rather unfriendly manner

You scoffed, “You’re going home with my date!”

This seemed to catch her off guard, almost, almost, making her realize she was simply being an asshole, but she stuck to her guns, “He-He doesn’t even like you!”

“And yet, if we’re such good friends, you’re still going home with him to what? Prove a point to me?!” You were exasperated as you heard his obnoxious car pull up behind you, “I know now he doesn’t like me, that’s what the date was for!” You were beyond tired as you watched her eyes dart between you and the red Mustang, “But now I know that you don’t really like me either.” You sighed and this made her sight settle on your form, her gaze significantly softer.

“Y/n…” Her voice was lower, surrendering.

“It’s fine. You’re not required to like me.” You insisted, “I just wish you wouldn’t lie about it.” This time, you felt a little hurt at your own words, but the bile in your throat wouldn’t give you much time to reflect on it, especially as Jihoon honked his horn, like the gentleman he was, “Well? Go on.” You gestured to the obnoxious car as Yoora got in with her head down.

Not even bothering to wait for them to drive away, you ran to the alley on the side of the building with a hand clasped over your mouth. The moment you made it to the dim-lit hallway of brick, you puked your guts out. The bile burned your throat, but you could still feel a careful hand pulling your hair back ever so gently as another hesitantly rubbed your back. The touch was calming and void of judgment. You figured someone assumed you were drunk and was used to being a hero. However, when you were finally done and stood up, you were faced with the most sought-after man of the Arts department.

“Are you… okay?” Was the first thing that came out of his mouth and you had no real energy to be all that embarrassed. Vomiting took all the life out of you almost every time.

You simply turned back to look at the mess you made and cringed, “Oh shit.” You spoke slowly, “I should clean that up.” You sputtered.

Jimin merely smiled and shook his head as you turned back to him, “It’s an alleyway, come on, someone will just make a worse mess in an hour.” He handed you a water bottle, “Go ahead and rinse.” You looked at him with pleading eyes, his looks were more than enough to make you feel flustered. He seemed to read your eyes as he turned around.

“Thanks.” You spoke up after you rinsed, “But-”

“Let me drive you home.” He waited to hear your footsteps behind him before pressing onward.

He ignored your protests the whole way to his car, brushing them off with a wave of his hands. You had figured it was just him being cool, but the reality was that he was mentally hyping himself up. Now with his anger at Yoora and your date dissipated, he was back to a bumbling mess when it came to you, even if the nagging worry of what could have happened to you to make you throw up at yelling was an ever-present weight he took on his shoulders. The girl of his dream would be in his car, sitting right next to him, and that was enough to make him short-circuit. His face was getting redder and redder just thinking about it. Not that your polite and melodic voice insisting you can just take the bus helped any. Surely you had to know how beautiful you were? He never doubted you knew until today, and the notion made him frown but also, thankfully, calm down.

By the time he opened the door for you, any hints of redness on his face were obscured by the cloak of night over the sky and the dim street lamps. You gave him a short smile and he had to fight a squeal in his throat. Instead, you were met with a strained look, and you couldn’t help but wonder if he even liked you or if he was just being kind. You entered your address on his phone and he feigned looking at the route as if he wasn't familiar with the area. He then texted one of his housemates a name and a license plate number for information and wordlessly began driving.

You simply looked out the window as he seemingly studied his phone, not wanting to make his possible dislike of you worse. Although, you would prefer him not to like you at this point. You were kind of over people “liking” you by now. Jihoon had done no less than confess his undying love for you mid-orgasm and you were ashamed to admit how excited that had made you feel despite the emptiness that could be felt in the air. You had convinced yourself that could just be how love felt. How would you know any otherwise? Part of you knew you were deluding yourself, even if you would never know what love felt like, you knew it wouldn’t feel like that. It wouldn’t feel like the bittersweet taste of settling for less than you deserve in exchange for an escape from the all-consuming loneliness that surrounded you no matter who you hooked up with.

“I’m, uh, sorry Yoora did that to you. Jimin blurted out, making you look to him and making him clench the wheel.

“It’s not your fault.” You reassured him, “The whole point of the date was to see if this guy actually ‘loved’ me, or even liked me for that matter.” You couldn’t stop yourself from talking, “That post nut clarity must have made him realize he’s a huge liar.” You couldn’t hide the bitterness in your words before you took a breath, “So, how much did you hear?”

“I walked out when I heard her calling you fat.” He stumbled against the words, clearly uncomfortable even repeating Yoora.

You hummed, “Yeah, well, I guess you’re all caught up.” You looked back out the window and Jimin could relax ever so slightly, “I don’t know how I can make her feel threatened. She’s so… loveable.” He frowned at this, “I know I’m pretty, but that doesn’t make me loveable.” He wanted so desperately to say you are loveable. If you weren’t, what had he spent the last year doing? He wanted to slam on the breaks and finally tell you how captivating you are in more ways than one, but the fear of misstepping caged him into his spot as you continued on, “If there’s one thing I know, it’s that no one is obligated to love me.” You seemed to be letting all the exhaustion hit you, not even bothering to stop yourself, “It’s okay. I have the next best thing, sex.” Even you seemed to be unconvinced, “Maybe if I ask everyone for sex I’ll feel as content as Jihoon.” You seemed to be getting more and more upset as you dwelled on the topic.

“Why haven’t you asked me for sex then?” Jimin wanted to slam his head on the wheel and call it a night when he heard his voice speak what should have been an offhand thought.

You giggled a bit at this, relieving Jimin a bit, before shrugging, “I don’t want to use you like I let people use me.” You blew a breath, "You called my bluff. I don't wanna use anyone."

“Why do you let-”

“I, too, get horny and lonely.” You laughed bitterly, “People just lie to me that it’s something more when it’s not. Thank goodness I’m a psych major, or else I might believe them each time.” Judging by the melancholy in your words, Jimin doubted you didn’t not believe some of them, and the notion tore his heart in half. However, he was so pinned down by his fear, he couldn’t conjure the words needed.

“I mean, there are people out there who would like you and not just your body.” He spoke and he swore he was breaking a sweat by now.

You shrugged again, unconvinced again, “I’m glad you never asked me for sex.” You murmured and he glanced at you.

“Why?” Was he not your type?

“Because I think you’re a good person,” You gave him one more smile as he pulled up to your apartment complex, “and I’d like to keep thinking that.” You placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed, “Thank you, for everything tonight.” He merely nodded in acknowledgment, throat strangled with a million emotions as he watched you go into your apartment.

Jimin let out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding and drove, as if on autopilot, and let his head plop lightly on the wheel, “Pathetic display, Jimin.” He scolded with a strained voice. He hated this about him. He hated that each time emotions got too real, each time he could not hide behind a charming smile and playful banter, he would choke up. He had been a dance prodigy since birth, since getting scouted by a private school, since Mona adopted him for his career to go even further. And yet, he couldn’t confess to the girl he’s liked for over a year. Instead of staring, he wished he had just asked if you were okay.

He had never imagined you would be nearly as lonely as you felt. Anyone on campus would look at your smile and assume you were doing peachy, but by now, with his observations, he could see when you were faking. Why had he never approached you more to make you smile for real? Why did he remain complicit in fuckers like Jihoon and Yoora’s plight to make you feel less than the perfect girl you are? Who had instilled such an intense reaction to yelling in you? How many times have you thrown up in an alley alone because of the people who knew how to use someone as caring as you? Maybe if he had sat down and eaten that cookie with you, he would be driving the both of you home together.

He wondered if he would ever get the chance to do so at this point.

-------

“...Jimin?” Your voice snapped him from his thoughts as he looked at you, all dolled up and a little sweating from performing your final for the class he was your TA for, “You still here?” You giggled as you waved your hand in front of his eyes. You had been the last one to perform, so you figured his brain was fried from watching dozens of dance performances.

His smile grew with yours as he caught your hand in his, interlacing your fingers, “Yeah, I’m here, just got swept away in your performance is all.” He responded cooly and you rolled your eyes mockingly, “I’m serious, it was beautiful.” He brought your hand up, placing a kiss on your palm.

“Well, I had a wonderful training buddy.” You interlocked your fingers behind his neck as he laced his fingers on the small of your back. The PDA made you feel giddy, like a girl in her first relationship showcasing her wonderful boyfriend to the world, “I couldn’t have done it without you.”

He studied your face, your form, your everything for a moment. He basked in the glory of having someone as beautiful as you within his reach at long last. He thought back to each practice session and each kiss that came with it and couldn’t help the glee that spread in his chest. The glee was only further amplified by the very emotion on your face and he couldn’t fathom how he ever lived with himself seeing a fake smile on your face most days.

“You know I love you, right?” He blurted, making both of your eyes widen. Had he seriously just done that? Had he seriously confessed his love to you while the rest of your dance class waited to be dismissed? The air was still before he spoke again, “Could you do me a favor and beat the shit out of me?” He asked, making you giggle. Your joy was contagious and he found himself laughing too, in spite of the millions of emotions at confessing his love so suddenly.

You couldn’t fight the smile on your lips even if you tried. There was something so weightless about Jimin’s love, yet so meaningful. Where Yoongi had been intense and passionate, Jimin was bashful yet honest. It was this floaty feeling that made you lean up to his ears and whisper, “I love you too.” You beamed at him with a genuine smile and his heart soared.

“You do?” He asked excitedly, “You don’t have to, you know?” He reassured you and you could only chuckle.

“Oh well, if I don’t have to…” You joked as you moved to pull away from him, but he pulled you closer.

“I take it back- You have to.” He hurriedly spoke, “If… If you mean it.”

You nodded, a blissful smile on your face as you leaned up to kiss him, “I mean it, and it’s really nice being able to know you mean it too.” You whispered in his ear and in a moment of pure joy, he lifted you and spun you around, not caring about who saw or stared. You squealed at this, enjoying the moment of careless affection. He set you down with a slow kiss and you couldn’t help but melt into his form.

“You ready to go home?” He asked with a gleeful tone. You nodded excitedly and watched with hearts in your eyes as he dismissed the class with his hand in yours. He was always happy to display your relationship, even telling the professor in case he didn’t want Jimin grading your work. He announced it to the class with a blissful look and posted you all over any and all social media accounts he had. He had never been more proud to have someone by his side, and it made you emotional more than once. He held your hand in his as you walked to the car, swinging your arms just to hear your melodic laugh.

You checked your phone as Jimin closed the car door when you got in, “Oh, Hobi’s flight got delayed until tomorrow and Jin has to stay late tonight.” You mumbled, deep in thought for a moment, “And everyone else has something going on, so I guess it’s just me and you for dinner. One last night of freedom before you have to be busy too.” He placed a hand on your thigh as he drove and he'd be lying if he said he didn't have to mentally hype himself up to do it each time.

“Do you want to pick up dinner or just cook at home?” He asked cooly, masking his sheer glee at the domestic implications in his question.

You hummed, “I can cook something if you want,” You noted before a mischievous smile grew on your face, “My love.” You teased the pet name, making Jimin brake abruptly as he was getting out of the parking spot, his arm holding your body back from pushing forward. You gasped before you dissolved into laughter.

“Hey! Are you trying to make me crash?!” His face was beet red as he lectured you about car safety and how words can shake his whole world the whole ride home, and you had never been more enchanted by a flustered lecture in your life.

Eventually, he was finished lecturing you and the car was filled with laughter and light quips. He wondered how he ever lasted this long without you by his side, but he was glad he would no longer have to.

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