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spaghettificationandpretzels · 1 year ago

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A Voice Through the Nothingness Part 9

Series Masterlist

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8

As always, please comment if you're enjoying yourself.

Contains: Slow burn, so much fluff, brief mentions of domestic violence, mild angst, more fluff.

4.3K words

Comment if you want to be tagged or follow #a voice through the nothingness.

“Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it inflames the great.”- Roger de Bussy-Rabutin.

She could tell Billy was already looking for her and they met eyes across the room, Hazel waving softly before picking up her drink and walking over. Billy gave her a soft smile, his heart racing in his chest, "Hello Hazel."

Hazel smiled back, trying to compose herself, "Hello Billy."

Billy didn't know where to start, Hazel looked amazing, "How have you been?"

Hazel smiled, "I've been great. What about you?"

His head was a whirl with emotions, "Me too, things are really good."

Hazel pointed to the bar, "You wanna get something to drink then go somewhere quiet so we can talk?"

Billy nodded, "Sure, I'd like that."

Billy followed Hazel to the bar and flagged down the bartender,"What she's having please."

Hazel smiled, "That's right, you're a whiskey man."

Billy nodded, "Yeah, how is it?"

Hazel took a sip, "It's nice, very rich."

Billy collected his drink and pointed out the doors to the balcony, "How's outside sound?"

Hazel was already walking towards the doors, "Outside is great."

They found a table as far away from the party as they could and sat down, watching Lizzy meet up with the rest of Billy's group while they figured out what to say.

Billy took a deep breath, "I don't know what to say. I'm sorry I put you in the position I did. I realise now that I put your job at risk and.."

Hazel cut him off, "There's no need for any of that. I understand why you did it and I was just as at fault as you were. I'm sure you knew but I lied to you when I said I didn't have feelings for you and that wasn't right either. I should have been honest."

Billy shook his head, "You did what you thought was right and you were right when you said six months down the line I would feel differently because I do. I miss spending time with you and I miss talking to you but I see now that I didn't love you, not really, had we started a relationship, it would have ended badly."

"I know. I have to say, my feelings faded too. I still missed you terribly but it wasn't love. Maybe we can have a redo and start from scratch." Hazel didn't realise how much she missed him until now, it almost hurt.

Billy smiled, "I'd love that." He took another deep breath, "How's work been?"

Hazel grinned, "I'm the deputy head of the department now and I've been given five students to work with instead of two, turns out I love teaching. How's Anvil?"

Billy's smile grew, "That's amazing Hazel, really, you deserve all the recognition. Anvil amazing, I'm sure you've heard but Thomas has brought us so many clients, the kid's a genius."

Hazel nodded, "I did, I'm really happy he's found a good place to settle."

Billy leaned in closer and Hazel mirrored him, the air charged, "How's Barry?"

Hazel huffed, "How long you got?"

Billy itched to reach across and grab her hand, "All the time in the world, I want to know everything."

****

Lizzy fell right back into conversation with Frank, Karen and Curt without effort, it was safe to say she missed them as much as Hazel did, "how has everyone been?"

Karen smiled, "We've been great, did you read the article I did on your ward?"

Lizzy nodded, "I did, it brought it a lot of extra funding so thank you for that." The expansive article about how wonderful the long term care ward was had been the talk of the hospital for weeks.

"Now that Hazel and Billy and talking again, I'm thinking about asking if I can do one on the peds ward. What do you think?" Karen already knew the answer.

"I think that would be great, they're always looking for help. I'm sure Hazel will help you find someone, she's the deputy head of the ward now." The smiles on their faces made her feel so warm.

"What about you? You should have gotten a promotion by now?" The way Frank said it made Lizzy suspicious.

"Yeah, I won a nursing award. But you already knew that didn't you?" The answer was clearly yes.

Curt smiled, "You deserved it for everything you did for Bill, we had to nominate you."

She shook her head fondly, "Well thank you, it came with a nice pay bump."

Curt laughed, "Let me guess, four dollars and a slice of pizza?"

Lizzy pressed her lips together, "Now now, Curtis, you know full well that New York pays its hardworking health care heroes a lot more than that, it was two slices of pizza."

It took less than a second for the laughter to take everyone over. Lizzy caught her breath and sighed, pointing over to Billy and Hazel through the window, who were clearly enraptured in conversation, "what do you think they're talking about?"

Frank shrugged, "It doesn't matter, they look happy."

****

Hazel's eyes went wide as Billy went on with his story, "What do you do when shit like that happens?" She held back a laugh, "Oh sorry Mr high falutin businessman, we didn't mean to catch the pool boy neck deep in your wife but we did."

Billy chuckled, "Basically, he doubled our pay for proof. They've been married long enough that she still got a tasty settlement and he moved into a women barely old enough to drink."

She sighed, "Ah, isn't that always the way?"

Billy nodded, "You have no idea how many times we've seen it. Can I ask you a question?" Hazel nodded, "How did you end up getting such a large promotion in six months when you don't play politics? I mean Lizzy said it herself you'd rather spend all your time with patients than running shit, what changed?"

"Nothing changed, I still spend all my time with the kiddos. I already have my master's in nursing but an accelerated trauma course came up and I took it. I'm two months off finishing. I think they wanted to shut me up after the shooting but I get to change things where I am and that's why I took the job." Hazel swirls her mostly gone drink, "I never wanted to be one of those people that left the coal face and I don't plan to be but I'm sick of screaming into the void."

Billy reached out his hand and grabbed hers, "Hey, you don't need to justify anything to me. You just told me you were changing things and you're still doing what you love, I'm not going to knock you for that."

Hazel smiled and squeezed his hand, "Thanks Billy." She took a deep breath and pointed towards the inside, "We better go in and mingle. I need to pull in more donations after all and you have networking to do."

Billy shook his head, "Like I said before, you've missed your called as a UN negotiator."

Hazel huffed, "You'll have to find one first."

They headed inside, right over to their friends, "You all sorted?" Lizzy did her best to keep her tone neutral.

Hazel nodded, "Yep all sorted."

Karen went first, wrapping Hazel in her arms with a smile, "It's good to see you again. We've all missed talking to you."

Hazel hugged her back just as hard, "Likewise, we have so much catching up to do."

Frank was next, squeezing Hazel hard enough that he pressed the air out of her lungs, "It's good to see you too Franky."

Frank chuckled, "Lizzy tells us you've been doing amazing things, we're all very impressed."

Hazel nodded, "She's talking me up, I'm just doing my job."

Curt went last, hugging her with a gentle smile on his face, "I missed our reminiscing sessions."

Hazel smiled back, "Me too and I'm about to be a pediatric trauma nurse so we'll have lots to talk about."

Frank grinned, "Really? Good for you, how does that work?"

Hazel's face filled with pride, "I've been doing half shifts in the ER and half in the ward so I can still spend time with my patients. Not much will change once I'm qualified I'll just be more specialised and have more skills."

Billy sighed, "Well, I think it's great. You should be proud of yourself."

Hazel nodded, "I am."

Lizzy turned her head suddenly and grabbed Hazel's arms, "Now, if you'll excuse us, there's a very important donor we need to talk to."

Hazel followed Lizzy's gaze and nodded, "Yeah, we'll back back in a bit."

Billy waved his hand, "No worries, that's what these things are for anyway. Speaking of, I see someone Anvil would love to have as a client."

Hazel smiled, "Shall we all meet up later for a dance?"

Billy nodded, "I'd like that."

The night swirled by and Hazel was grateful for the free supply of drinks. Between going back and forth with donors and trying to fend off people wanting war stories, she was over it and ready to go home. She and Lizzy were trying to guide the conversation away from a recent horror car cash when the tapping of a glass filled the air and the hospital director wandered to the middle of the room.

With a smile, she began to talk, "Hello, everyone and welcome to our annual charity ball. Now that you've all enjoyed your horderves and drinks, it's time for some wonderful music and some dancing."

Billy locked eyes with Hazel and made a beeline for her from across the room, extending his hand with a smile when he reached her, "May I have this dance?"

Hazel smiled and took his hand, "You may."

The music started as they embraced and Billy smiled as he pulled away, "We gotta leave room for Jesus."

Hazel giggled, "There are too many rich people in this room for him to be here."

Billy grinned, "You sound like Frank."

Hazel huffed, "I don't think that's such a bad thing. Can I ask you a question?" Billy nodded, "How do you deal with them every day? I've seen Anvil's website, you give away as much as you take in so as much as you wear the ten thousand dollars suits and the fancy watches you're not one of them."

Billy was impressed with her assessments, "You just said it, the more money we take in, the more we can give and these guys pay a pretty penny for our protection. The nice suits and the fancy watches just help us look the part. Can I ask you a question?"

Hazel had a feeling she knew what he was about to ask, "Sure."

"When Frank looked into you, he looked into your financials too, why do you so far below your means." Billy knew the answer, he did it himself for years.

"I'm saving up for a house in the suburbs. A nice house where I can sleep in a room that's not also my kitchen and my living room, with a backyard and no barking dogs or drug dealers on the street and I don't want a loan. So I'm loving in a two room apartment and taking the subway and if I keep going the way I am, I'll be out of there and in a house in a year." He could hear how tired she sounded.

Billy swallowed, "I'm realising now how little we know about each other. You know about my mother and that I grew up in the system but that's it and I've got no idea about you. Can't your parents help?" The intrusiveness of the question hit him, "I'm sorry, that was really personal."

Hazel shook her head, "No, it wasn't, you've told me about your mum, I should repay you in kind. I don't have a father, he left when my mother was pregnant with me and my mother died when I was twenty without a dollar to her name. She had a massive heart attack and dropped dead at work one day. Lizzy and I met when we were eighteen in nursing school and she's been the only stable person in my life since my mother's death."

Their sudden closeness made a lot more sense now, "I'm so sorry."

Hazel smiled softly, "Don't be, it's made me really strong and hell, if I could handle working three jobs to get myself through nursing school without debt, then I can handle anything." Billy knew exactly what she was talking about, "what about you, you didn't get here without hardwork."

Billy huffed, "Shit went really bad on my last tour, there's not much I can talk about but Frank and I came into some money because certain people asked us to clean up some stuff."

Hazel blinked, "I'm not asking for an answer, in fact, I don't want one right now. But I'm getting the feeling this has something to do with the leaks David was accused of. If that's the case, I know why you can't talk about it and I don't blame you for getting something out of it."

Billy felt strange, he knew that there was plenty of information out there, especially after the video of Rawlins having his fun went viral, "You know, Karen said the same thing to Frank."

Hazel huffed, "It's not that hard to understand Billy, you did what you had to. I hope a day will come along when you can give me details because."

Billy smiled, "Me too."

They danced through each song, unwilling to split from each other despite the looks, their chests growing closer as the night drew to a close. As the last song soften and people began to leave, Billy looked over Hazel's face and willed himself to break the peace, "Let's meet for coffee and catch up, maybe we can talk more about how we got to where we are now, that's what friends do, isn't it?"

Hazel smiled, "I'd really like that. How does next Saturday sound?"

Billy nodded, "That sounds great. You wanna give me your number so we can make the plans?"

Hazel reached into her small purse, unlocked her phone and handed it to Billy, "How about we exchange numbers?"

Billy's phone was already out, "good idea." With a flurry of fingers, it was done and the phones were back with their owners.

Hazel rubbed her face, "Well, I think I've had it for the night and Barry will be worried if I'm out any later."

Billy laughed, "Yeah, I have a job in the morning. I'll see next Saturday."

Hazel smiled, "I'm looking forward to it." She saw Lizzy in the corner of her eye and with one last goodbye, she left.

Frank wandered over, Karen leaning against him looking worn out, "You look like you were having fun."

Billy huffed, "Ask Curt, he was the one romancing my old nurse all night."

Curtis chuckled, "Lizzy has been your nurse for six months man. She's a nice lady, so what if I spent the night dancing with her."

Frank rubbed his face, "I think we should all head home before this turns into the real housewives. When are you seeing Hazel again."

Billy sighed, "Next Saturday and we're just going for coffee as friends so I don't want to hear anything about it."

Frank huffed, "Sure Bill."

****

"Are you listening to me?" Hazel and Lizzy were enjoying their break but Lizzy seemed too busy buried in her phone to pay attention.

Lizzy nodded, "Yeah, yeah, you're excited to see Billy on Saturday, you don't know if you'll have time to change out of your work clothes. Just do whatever he won't care."

Hazel sighed, "Alright Lizabeth, slip. You haven't been off you phone since the charity ball. What is going on?"

Lizzy rolled her eyes, "Curt and I have been texting. We're going on a date of Friday."

Hazel held back her smile, "You wanna let me know why you're only telling me this now?"

"Because you have your own stuff to worry about, I was only going to tell you if it went well." Hazel could hear the apprehension in Liz's voice.

Hazel gave her a soft smile, "Curt's sweet. We've both had a shit track record with men but I think he's one of the good ones."

Lizzy nodded, "Yeah he is. What about you and Billy, how are you feeling about that?"

Hazel shrugged, "I have no idea, so I'm not going to agonise over it."

****

Hazel waited outside the chocolate shop, Billy was quick to suggest it and Hazel was faster to agree. He arrived right on time, a smile on his face and his arms open for a hug. Hazel accepted, Billy was warm and he smelt like something that came in a fancy, funky coloured bottle.

Billy smiled, "It's good to see you again."

"You too Billy." She waved her hand at the door, "Shall we?"

Billy nodded, "We shall." He held the door open as they entered and headed to a table, Billy even pulled out Hazel's chair for her.

"You look like you know this place well, how many women have you brought here?" Hazel's tone held no offence.

Billy smiled, "A few, it's a great place for a first date."

Hazel chuckled, "Yes, but only if you don't get the triple chocolate and double fudge ice cream Sundae."

Billy's eyes went wide, "Well, since we're not on a date, you wanna get that?"

She nodded, "Oh yes, please. You gotta share it and it's amazing. Lizzy and I get the day after we do full moon shifts."

Billy raised an eyebrow, "Ok, now I'm really interested.

Hazel laid her hands flat on the table in an effort the stop herself from getting too excited, "So, technically, you don't need to share it but it's not fun if you don't and you can't have it on a date because ordering brings up strong opinions about ice cream combinations. First things first, you get the choice of three different chocolate ice creams, which is all they have here and then two different types of fudge."

Billy felt strange, he never really got to have anything like this, not just the fancy ice cream but the joy over something so small, "What's your favourite combination."

Hazel's smile grew, "That's just the thing, it's different every time. They have the base flavours white, milk, dark and super dark chocolate but the rest is day by day. By far, my favourite was milk chocolate, white chocolate vanilla swirl and super dark with a hint of coffee and two swirls of creme brulee fudge. You'd think it would be too rich but the scoops are small and the main focus of the ice cream isn't how sweet it is, it's the quality of the chocolate."

Billy huffed, "If I wasn't sold already, I am now. You wanna go to the counter and order?"

Hazel shook her head, "Nope, I'll go with you so I can get points on my membership card but you're ordering since you've never had it before."

Billy smiled, "Fine, but only if you let me pay."

Hazel sighed, "I could argue with you but I know I won't get anywhere, so alright."

"Give me your membership card and I'll surprise you." She handed it to Billy and he hurried over, returning a few minutes later with an order number. "They'll be out with it in a minute. Why after a full moon, why not just after a shit shift?"

Hazel thought for a moment, wondering how she was going to word it without sounding weird, "I'm sure you know what full moons are like, they're filled with weirdness and with kids things tend to be even worse. So we use it as a way to get through a shift we know is going to be bad."

Billy knew what she was talking about, anything could happen when the moon was out, "That's actually a really good idea. That whole people lose their minds on a full moon is pretty universal." Billy took a deep breath, "can I ask you something?" Hazel nodded, "Curt and Liz, what do you think?"

Hazel smiled, "Curt's kind and Lizzy deserves someone kind. They're grown ups, I'm sure they can handle it."

Billy smiled, "Good, because I feel the same about Curt." Before Hazel could reply, the Sunday came out, "Wow, this is something."

Hazel laughed, "wait until you try it. What did you get?"

Billy smiled, "Milk chocolate and maple swirl, super dark and white chocolate. I got two swirls of whisky fudge."

Hazel already had a spoon in hand, "Well, if you don't hurry up, I'm going to eat it all."

Billy chuckled, "Heard loud and clear, I hope it's worth the hype." Billy watched Hazel as she took her spoon and took a little bit of each, he knew one thing, even if it tasted like shit, watching Hazel enjoy herself would make it worth it.

****

The sun had just set when they were finally done, having moved from the chocolate shop to a little deli for a small snack when they got hungry for something other than sugar and chocolate.

Billy rubbed the tiredness from his face and sighed, "Can I walk you to the station?"

Hazel shook her head, "Only if you want to but I wouldn't offer to take me home, you'll get mugged wearing that." While he was dressed casually, it still looked expensive.

Billy chuckled, "I think I can handle myself if that's what you want."

She shook her head, "Maybe one day, but I have to check one of my neighbours today."

Billy paused for a moment, unsure of how to continue, "Can I confess something?" Hazel nodded, "When I first got out of the hospital, I cased your place. I know it was wrong of me and in hindsight, I have no idea why I did it and I feel shit about it but I needed to know if you were safe."

Hazel didn't flinch, "What did Dr Charles say?"

Billy sighed, "That I was in marine mode and that it was wrong of me."

Hazel gave him a soft smile, "I knew you were there. Frank too"

Billy blinked, "How?"

She broke his gaze, "Getting strangled almost to death made me a little paranoid, I tend to notice things that most people don't. Since you told me something, I'll share with you. I have an agreement with the dealers on my block, I supply them with legal Narcan and test kits through a program at the hospital and in exchange, I help them out when they can't afford to get their kids to a doctor for small shit. And occasionally, they let me know ahead of time if strange men are looking for me."

Billy was unsure of what to say, especially after what he and Frank did, "What, and they're just fine with it?"

Hazel nodded, "They're not good people but they're not bad people either. These dealers are in it to support their families, not to make money. The ones on the block that don't make nice end up getting shot. I'm sure some of them are your CIs. I'm sure you have questions."

"Why? I'm sure you've seen what these people do to each other, what they do to addicts, how can you stand them?" Billy didn't mean to sound judgemental but he did.

"Because I can reach them when no one else can. I'm not ashamed to admit that I use their worries about their children to get them to see reason and some of them have. If I get one person out, then the rest is worth it. I'm sure you know what it's like to have to get dirty to make a change." Unlike Billy, Hazel meant the unkindness in her tone.

Billy paused in the middle of the street, "You're right and I'm sorry. I have no reason to judge you for doing the right thing."

Hazel shook her head, suddenly guilty for her response, "I'm sorry too, I get a certain way when it comes to kids and I went for the low blow, there's no excuse for that."

Billy smiled softly, "I'm the one that went there first. I could have used someone like you when I was a kid, I think my life might have been a bit easier. I guess I'm just pissed that I missed out."

Hazel reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder, "I think we all need somewhere soft to land when things are hard, that's part of being human."

Billy took her hand in his and continued walking her to the station, "Do you ever wonder what would have happened if you hadn't lost my card?"

Hazel looked deep in thought, "No. My job involves lots of hurt kids, questioning the universe is a great way to end up sad. I don't think everything happens for a reason but it does happen, I lost your card, you got blown up and now we're here and there's something in that."

Billy nodded, "So live in the moment and don't be angry?"

Hazel chuckled, "The first half, I'm angry all the time but at least I'm feeling something that's not terror."

Billy knew that feeling well, "Yeah, I get that. I really enjoy talking to you."

Hazel smiled, "Likewise. You wanna have a picnic in the park one day? We can even feed the ducks some grapes."

Billy nodded, "That sounds great. How does after your shift Thursday sound?"

Her smile grew, "That sounds great." Billy hadn't realised they had reached the station, "This is my spot."

The absence of her hand in his made him feel cold, "Yes, it is. I'll see you Friday."

Hazel nodded, "You will. Bye Billy."

He gave her a soft wave, "Bye Hazel."

Part 10

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