#bushy rants

[gentil-minou]

This is the dumbest argument I've ever heard

I can't think of any hobby more wallet friendly than picking up a pencil and paper. Like this is just plain stupid.

Also, I'm not an artist and I don't have drawings skills, but sometimes I paint little watercolors for myself and I have fun even though they look awful, and that's the entire point.

Also also, since I can't draw and I still want to share my ideas, I write. And yeah it takes practice but THATS THE POINT. There's so many genuine ways you can share your ideas with the world.

Hell, model with clay, act out a dumb video, draw stick figures, do whatever. I promise all of that is a better rendition than a program that isn't actually intelligent and is just giving you results based on keywords like a glorified search engine

Just say you want recognition for something you stole and didn't care enough to put the effort in and shut up

[gentil-minou]

I wish I could say I was more surprised by these results but if there's one thing tumblr likes to do it's praise queerness until it's coming from women from color, especially Asians.

Like i get how by today's standards where practically every American TV show has at least one queer character/relationship in the the ensemble, it would be ludicrous to choose the mlm ship over the wlw one.

But I am begging anglocentric tumblr users to remember not everyone who is queer is free to be so like we are in the west.

In fact there's so many queer women of Asian descent (myself included) and Asia itself where danmei/BL is the safest way to learn about and express our queerness.

Much like spirk before us, it's safer for us to express feelings our society criticizes as "unclean" or "unnatural" by putting a barrier. After all it's easier to be called a perverted mlm lover than it is to be shunned for liking girls.

Wangxian has done sooooo much for making queerness mainstream and finally accepted even in a government that actively tries to suppress LGBTQ all the time. They've been doing so much for us in such a short time. My cousins in Pakistan even know of them, and that's PAKISTAN where in many places they'd be stoned for thier queerness, where my own is still not accepted

It's probably too late now, because as I said tumblr forgets the eastern half of the world exists...but I just wanted to say my two cents next time someone tries to put us down as misogynistic. We just want to express ourselves too, without fear of judgement and ridicule.

AO3 Top Relationships Bracket- Quarterfinals

This poll is a celebration of fandom history; we're aware that there are certain issues with many of the listed pairings and sources, but they are a part of that history. Please do not take this as an endorsement, and refrain from harassment.

[gamebyle]

wait what

(This is a joke post, don’t kill me PalWorld fans)

[welloes]

my friend just said i looked like christophe 😞

[cassecorrea]

Why does everyone equate “frizzy” with curly hair

Like artists please actually make a character’s hair frizzy if it’s described as frizzy and not just curly… they can have frizzy straight, wavy, or curly + hair and it’s so weird to see perfectly shaped curls equated to frizziness

[zooophagous]

I'm gonna be contrarian here for a minute and rant about "cats aren't even good pest control."

Which, one study that found cats don't do well against rats is not the be all end all of reality. A cat may not go after Norway rats, which are large and aggressive, no. An adult male wild Norway rat is large enough to give almost any cat a run for its money.

But Norway rats aren't the only thing that exist and get into houses and barns. It is very cold where I live, and while I see mice and packrats and voles, I have never once seen a wild RAT. Wild RATS don't get into my garage. Deer mice do. Bushy tailed pack rats do.

And you know what fixed it?

My cat. He's not even an outdoor cat. He's 100% indoors, or in the garage but only with the door closed so he can't leave.

He single handedly removed my packrat problem. I didn't need to resort to poisons and while I did set traps, none of them had even half of his success rate. Cats were domesticated primarily because of how good they are at catching small rodents. Their success knocked other animals such as trained ferrets off the popular spot for the task. Claiming a cat is useless as pest control is just plain not true.

Cats are decent pest control WITHIN CERTAIN PARAMETERS. They're good for certain types of small pest, and cats need ro be CONTAINED. Much like poisons, you can't just throw cats around willy nilly because they'll kill a shitload of non target animals.

A barn or shop cat is a good option for long term mouse control *if* it is actually confined to that barn or shop and not free to just leave. A semi feral cat that lives in a large warehouse and is vaccinated and desexed and vetted and kills whatever tiny pests get in to chew on stuff is the best case scenario for an adopted feral.

What I do NOT get however, is the insistence that terriers are better and you should just get one of those.

A dog is not an easy animal to keep and nor is it one you should go purchase because you want long term pest control in your barn. If you want a pest control solution call an externinator. If you want a dog that's intelligent and driven and needs dedicated training and care and you're happy to put in the energy to actually focus its chaotic energy into something useful then go get a ratting terrier.

These little dogs do not fill the same niche as a barn cat and their care is quite a bit more intense in general especially if the dog is going to be a house pet as well as a worker. They're intense and destructive and can and will pick fights, often fatal fights, with other animals. Stop telling people to go get one when all they need is to get some squirrels out of a shed. Buying a dog and buying pest control are not the same thing.

You could *hire* a ratter to do a sweep, but unless you're also removing the conditions that made your property popular with rats to begin with you're going to have to keep bringing them back.

The kind of people who leave feral cats outside to roam and breed freely are the last fucking people who have any business keeping a working line terrier.

[daphwritesworld]

Hiii can you write something about Alessia and reader being rivals and are playing for separate National Teams Like reader plays as an Example for Germany (you don't have to do Germany but would be cool) and they get into an Argument but it ends up in sex

Please dom Alessia

(this is my first time requesting something so my explaining is really baddd)

a/n: hii!! thank you for requesting ! and no your totally fine. i’m pretty sure i understand exactly what you meant from your description :D

A.Russo x Rival!Reader

content: pussy eating (technically both receiving), fingering (r receiving), dom/sub relationship, Germany! player reader, bratty! reader, top!Alessia, bottom!reader

warnings: some impact play mentioned but not in detail, orgasm denial, overstimulation, 69ing, dom!lessi deserves her own warning tbh , enemies-2-fucking like animals, semi public for like a smidge

synopsis: You run your mouth in the locker room so Alessia walks you like a dog…your own fault really.

word count: 1.9k

!! 18+ MINORS DNI !!

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It’s the 2022 UEFA WOMEN’S EURO FINALS. You’re the last one left in Germany’s locker room, the final score ringing up to 2 v 1. You’d scored your teams only goal for the night, but still you were the one to take the loss the hardest. Your team knew to leave you alone when you got like this— all in your head and self blaming.

As your untying your last cleat you hear the door reopen behind you. You’re left clad in just your shorts, sports bra, and socks now that you throw the shoe off towards the floor. “I told you I don’t want to go to the fucking bar, Lena!” Your voice barks out across the room.

“Oh so feisty, aren’t you, love?” The familiar accent rings out from behind you. You swear you can hear the smirk in her voice as she says it, anger boiling up inside you as you clench your fists.

“What are you doing here, Russo? Came to gloat about a game you didn’t even score in? Give Walsh and Kelly my respects, considering they at least earned it,” you whip around. A little caught off guard at how close she is, but it doesn’t stop you from letting the fury spit out of your mouth like venom on your tongue.

“You must still be mad you missed that goal when you shot wide. Could’ve at least tied us up, you know. Was it me tackling you or the fact i kept stealing the ball that got into that thick head of yours? Seems like i’m the only one who can get through that thing,” she flicks a finger onto your forehead as she ends her little rant. A small smile sitting devilishly pretty on her lips as she does so.

You go push at her chest, puffing out a huff of hot air through your angrily scrunched up nostrils. She lets your fists come down one time, then she’s grabbing your wrists and pinning them down onto the lockers behind you. You’re stuck struggling between her warm body and the freezing cold surface that she’s got you pressed up against.

“I’m not one of your little punching bags, Y/L/N. You put your hands on me again, and I promise you it’ll be the last time. I’m not gonna deal with your little tantrums like your team does. Be a big girl and take the heat, or i’ll treat you the way brats deserve to be treated,” Her body is flush against yours as she says it, a threatening gaze shooting out to meet yours.

“You don’t scare me, Russo. You’re like a puppy dog who’s never had its tail stepped on. So wide eyed and bushy tailed—“ you yank one of your hands from her grasp as you point a finger towards her chest and start moving it forwards, “like a little bitc—“ you’re cut off as she flips your body around, face pressing into the cold lockers now as you feel her hand on the back of your neck keeping you in place.

“You need to learn some fucking manners, baby. It’s a good thing we’ve got plenty of time to teach you some,” She says right against your back. Her breath tickling your nape as the tiny hairs there stand up straight.

It’s a blur from there to her hotel room. She threw her hoodie over your head before dragging you out of there, putting you into her car before speeding off into the night. Now she’s got you spread wide open, legs out as she devours on your cunt.

Your wrists are handcuffed to the railing on her headboard and a blindfold covers your tear drenched eyes. You’ve got red marks on your ass from her spanking lesson from the first 20 minutes inside her luxury room. The plush Egyptian cotton percale sheets soothing the burn on your cheeks.

Her hands keep your hips pinned down as her tongue slides down to your hole, it twitches under her ministrations. Begging for her to pay it some attention after all the orgasms she’s denied you. It’s at least been three so far. She pulls away at the slightest hint you might be close, leaving you to shake and cry out even harder than the last time.

The mean words that have been tumbling from your mouth now turning into whines and whimpers of “Please!” and “M’sorry Less!”

You can’t see it, but she’s smirking up at you. You feel the vibrations from her laugh though, as it courses up through to your clit. A ragged moan rips out of your mouth at the feeling, sending you into a fit of pleasure.

“L-Lessi! I-I’ll do anything. Just please le-lemme cum!” you’ve got a majority of the blindfold covered in one big wet spot now from all the tears it’s absorbed. Your wrists are red from pulling at your restraints, and Alessia is finally starting to think she’s breaking you down enough to reward you. You’re being so sweet now, saying please and thank you. And who could resist that little pout on your lips as you cry? It’s absolutely fucking addictive. Or at least it is to Alessia, as she takes out her phone and snaps a quick picture to remember this moment.

Her hands come down to softly start taking the handcuffs off, her lips following suit as they litter little kisses along the red lines surrounding them. When she’s done enough of that to her liking she moves to the piece of silk tied around your face, undoing the knot as she peels if off your wet little cheeks. You look up her with those submissive teary eyes and she can’t help the groan that comes out of her throat.

The need to see you like this— so broken, has been overtaking her ever since the first time she played against you. Every game after that one the tension grew, on and off pitch. Until now, where it’s finally bubbled over and taken the forefront of both your minds. That tough girl exterior you put up is completely gone as she has you begging for her touch, a nice little slut ready for her unraveling.

She’s got you right where she’s wanted you, underneath her and at her mercy. She lowers herself down, prying one of your legs up as she lifts it over her shoulder and leans down towards your neck, making you whine from the stretch she forces you into in this position. Your thigh burns but it’s soon forgotten about as her fingers start playing with your folds.

“Whose pussy is this?”

“Yours, Lessi! It’s yours.”

She chuckles at your obedience. So, so different from the same girl she was arguing with her in the locker room not even two hours ago. So she finally decides to play nice and sinks two of her fingers into your pussy. She goes slow, letting you get use to her before going at the pace she prefers.

“Such a pretty pussy on such a pretty girl. Too bad your attitude is so fucking nasty,” it’s rasped out into your ear as you start trying to push your hips into her fingers. Your head pulls back from her shoulder, her teeth pulling your earlobe as you move away. You whimper out at that, eyes looking up into hers pleading for some relief.

“Don’t worry, you can cum this time. Such a desperate whore, aren’t you?” She says it as she speeds her fingers up, her thumb coming to rub tight circles on your clit as her fingers work you up. They’re so much thicker and longer than yours— reaching spots you can only dream of touching by yourself. She’s got you so fucked out you don’t even know what color the wallpaper is.

All you see, taste, hear, and smell is her. You’re drowning in the cocktail of Alessia Russo. The woman who drives you crazy every time you have to be opposite of her on the pitch. You two attract like flies to honey. Sweet, but deadly. It’s always rough and a good game when you two are against each other, but holy fuck you never knew you could feel so good. You two came together in a moment of pure adrenaline, your tension finally boiling over as the emotions from the game did as well.

You both know this is just the beginning. A long list of mistakes you’ll make every time you seem to cross paths now. Like a ritual— no matter who wins or loses. You’ll seek out this form of retribution after a game.

“Alessia! I-I’m go-gonna-“ you can’t even get it out as your mind starts to shatter. You’re drooling out of the corner of your mouth as she fucks every coherent thought out of your brain.

“Go ahead, love. Cum on my fingers for me. Make a mess— just like that. Good fucking girl,” and just like that your eyes snap shut as they roll into the back of your skull. Your back arches off the expensive sheets, as your pussy starts shooting liquid out into Alessia’s palm. You cover your face, cheeks heating up with embarrassment at the squirt staining her sheets below you.

“I-I’m sorry! I didn’t even know I could do that— I swear!!”

Alessia moans out loud at that, her hands coming up to rip yours away from your eyes. A hungry lust crawling back inside of them. “Are you saying, i’m the first person to make you squirt?”

Your cheeks somehow go even redder as you bite your lip, avoiding her gaze as you shake your head yes in confirmation. The next thing to know you’re on your back. Alessia hovering over you as she climbs up your body. When her thighs make it to your head she quickly turns over, smirk covering her face as she looks down at you from upside down, “Then let’s see what else I can be the first to do to you.”

Your eyes go wide as you realize what she’s about to do. Holy fuck Alessia is going to 69 with you. How the fuck does she know you've never done this?? You have no clue, but before you have time to open your mouth and ask her, she’s sinking her pussy down onto your face. Your tongue seeks out her taste on instinct, your nose bumping into her clit as your eyes rollback.

She moans into your cunt once again, fingertips lightly drawing across your thighs as they shake from the overstimulation.

You know you’re going to falling asleep here, and that your teammates are going to interrogate the fuck out of you tomorrow morning, but you can’t find it in yourself to care. Not when she feels this good and tastes so divine. Hell no! You’re staying right here, consequences and teasing be damned. You’re determined to learn the complete complexity of her lessons, and ace the next test she decides to give you…in whatever shape or form that way be in. Lord help your neighbors, and the poor arsenal teammate who roomed under Alessia. They sure as hell have a good story for the group chat tomorrow.

For now, she is desperately trying to drown out the straight up porn pouring in from upstairs. She tried the radio, the tv, and now a combo of both with two pillows sandwiching her head between them. Praying that you two will be tired after this round…you weren’t.

[lovebugism]

punchy x steve with "Why aren't we making out yet? We're 5 minutes into an argument, 5 minutes! Goodness."

thank u for requesting! :D — steve gets angry with you sometimes, but he'll never turn down an opportunity to kiss you (punchy/steve universe, angst-ish, mostly fluff, 0.8k)

blurbcember ˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚

He’s so cute.

Yeah, he’s mad at you and everything, but you can’t get over how adorable he looks.

His scruffy jaw is clenched tight, and there’s a subtle furrow between his bushy brows, and his pink lips are gently pouted. His honey eyes are twinkling too — with anger, maybe, but they’re twinkling at you nonetheless.

With his sweatshirt pushed up to his elbows and his hands on his hips, how are you supposed to do anything but melt for him?

“Okay, Steve,” you huff, interjecting his longwinded rant. You cross your arms over your chest and sink further into the couch while he paces ahead of you. “I know you’re pissed at me, but—”

“Oh, that doesn’t even start to describe it,” he scoffs. His laugh verges on bitter.

“I know that.”

“I mean— I have no words.”

“Is that why you haven’t stopped bitching at me since we got home?”

He stops his pacing to gape at you. “Bitching at you?” he repeats with an incredulous gape on his pretty face. “Seriously? That’s what you think this is?”

You sigh at yourself and drop your head to the back of the couch. You don’t know how to stop saying the wrong thing. You just want him to be upset with you and be done with it, ‘cause if he doesn’t kiss you stupid soon, you’re scared you might die.

“I didn’t do anything wrong— I don’t know what you want from me!”

His brows pinch together. His pretty face swirls with hurt. 

You shrink under the suffocating weight of his obvious heartache. 

“This stuff is really important to me, babe,” Steve tells you softly, voice light and nearly breaking. “And it’s like you’re just shitting all over it.”

“Well, I’m sorry I don’t wanna spend my Friday night with everyone who bullied me in high school.”

“Oh, don’t play that card,” he scoffs bitterly. 

You feel the weight of his words in your chest. Like he’s taken your heart between his fingers and squeezed all the life out of it. You try not to let it hurt you. His insensitivity isn’t your fault. 

“This isn’t about them, alright? It’s a big deal for me, but you’re deciding your pride is more important.”

You huff like a dramatic teenager.

Steve laughs in response, but there’s little emotion behind it. “What? Am I annoying you now?”

“Can you just kiss me?” you blurt before you mean to.

He falters. Your plea comes out of left field, makes him forget to be angry at you for a blink of a second. “...What?”

“You can keep yelling at me after, I promise. I just wanna kiss,” you confess, features soft and squishy around the edges — filled with adoration. Your eyes sparkle when they blink up at him, with the hope that he might give in and give you the loving you need.

Steve still wants to be mad at you. He’s too stubborn for anything else. You make it real hard, but he tries to be proud about it anyway. “Why?” he presses and crosses two golden arms over his chest.

“‘Cause we’ve been arguing for five whole minutes, and we aren’t making it out yet,” you answer, voice as soft and sheepish as a child’s. You pick at the fuzz of your sweater and try hard to meet his gaze. “I think it’s gotta be some kinda record at this point.”

Steve doesn’t know how to do anything but be obsessed with you. From the arches of your eyelids, to the base of your neck, to the pudge of your tummy, to the chipped polish on your toes. Your beauty bewitches him. Surely, you must be some kind of witch.

“You’re lucky you’re cute, you know that?”

You beam up at him, smiling so hard that it makes it hard to kiss him back. He leans down and props his weight on two hands along the back of the couch, one on either side of you. You tilt your head back in wait for his mouth. 

Steve gives you one fleeting peck — a subtle smacking of his lips to yours that he plans to tease you with after. He’ll pull back, and you’ll pout about it. “One more, Stevie, pleaseee?” you’ll drag out in that pretty voice of yours. And he’ll give you one, but only after hearing you beg a little bit more.

He ends up being the needier one, which maybe shouldn’t surprise him. One peck quickly turns into another. Then a third, lingering and languid thing after he hopelessly melts into you.

You’re the one that ultimately pulls back, lips shining and obviously well-kissed. His knees shake when you smile at him. “Okay. You can go back to being mad at me now.”

Steve shakes his head immediately. 

His tongue darts out to swipe along his rosy bottom lip. His eyes dart from your glimmering gaze to your rose-petaled mouth. “I can be mad at you later,” he insists, the warm breath of his softly spoken words brushing your chin. “Now, I just wanna kiss the life outta you.”

[gentil-minou]

I hate a lot of things about ai generated everything right now like it's disgrace to creativity and humanity and its insult to the trials and tribulations of the creative process but I think the worst and absolute worst thing is how it's made it so easy to put a real person's face on anything and make them do whatever

Like yeah "haha deepfakes so funny haha" no are you kidding me???? That's horrifying. "LOL the pope in a puffy jacket he'd never wear slay queen" LIKE NO ARE YOU KIDDING STOP

It takes consent completely out of the equation. It's puts people in such disgusting situations. Its not just keanu reeves doing stupid shit on tiktok. It means celebrities being put in sexual positions theyd never consent to and god what's next some disgusting portrayal of them doing even worse? I tried to imagine it and I dont want to cause it makes me so sick to my stomach like god the thought that someone can find old pics of me and put me in some situation I didn't consent to is actually the closest life has ever been to a horror film and yet people are laughing and making it a meme this feels like the worst black mirror episode or Jordan peele's next film this cannot be our reality.

[phsyco-sinner6666666]

Idv Professor/Luchino headcannons 🦎Minnors DNI, you've been warned ⚠️

Warning ⚠️:SMUT

Inside the games:

He will allways give you a scale first no matter who he is near or who needs it because he cares about you.

He kisses you on the cheek everytime you and him are in a game.

If the killer is too slow at finding the remaining surviors he will take you somewhere ussaly the basement or the corners of the map to make out with you and do other things to you♡

If you get chaired or downed he will allways save you.

If you are healing or doing a Cypher with someone who is man he will get jealous and just go to another Cypher.

Living together if you and him where never in the games:

Whenever you and him are eating at the dinner table he will look at you with pure joy instead of eating his food you don't mind at all because you do love all the attention that he gives.

He loves to research things about human evolution and will ussaly show you and rant on and on but you don't mind because you love it when he hyperfixates.

He loves physical touch by you

He ussaly files down his nails so he can touch you

He doesn't like it when your in his lab by yourself so he allways with you when you go down there to see what he's been working on.

He knows you not a great a cook but he still eats your food even thought it sometimes taste werid but he doesn't notice half the time because of how much love you put in it.

He ussaly does all the choirs around the house but barely cleans his lab wich sometimes does annoy you because of how much dangerous stuff is in it.

He loves to take baths with you because you and him can just relax in the warm water.

In the bedroom♡ 😏 :

He's ussaly the dom of relationship but let's you take that role sometimes and he loves it to death.

He loves to rim you and has you suck his cock at the same time its just turns him on.

He loves all your mouans and will ussaly go harder and faster just to hear them.

He leaves bite marks on your nipples, neck, and the insides of your thighs.

He cuts his nails all the way so he can finger you and also sticks his fingers in your mouth.

He knows all your weak spots and will go for those first to make you leak.

He doesn't like to cum on your body just the inside of it so you can feel the warmth of it.

He knows so many positions its unbelievable but he makes sure your comfortable in all of them.

His faveorite is the mating press since how close he gets to you and will hold on to your hands.

His dick is skinny and long with a little bit of a curve to it but he likes it because how deep he can go in you.

He shaves his pubes so its not that bushy under there.

He loves to pull and tease your nipples

I hoped you like this💚

[balkanradfem]

I just had an Experience in the water.

Heading home from my garden where I re-planted new tomatoes (because my original ones all got destroyed by the frost, RIP), I was feeling a little dizzy, light-headead and woozy. I figured putting myself inside the cold river was the best solution for all of these things, so I changed my course to the secluded edge of the fields, where trees and bushes were guarding the ground. And, if one was not afraid of slipping and rolling down, water could be accessed as well.

I hid myself into the bushy riverside area, got most of my clothing off and slowly tipped inside the river. It was colder than usual, due to the recent frosty days, so it took me a few tries to get myself completely submerged. I usually make sure nobody can see me; this time there was a small group on the other side of the river, but they seemed to be children, and I don't believe they had noticed me at all.

I was having a great time up to my neck inside the icy water, when something hit the back of my thigh. A log must have somehow bumped into me, I thought, and I turned around trying to see it in the water, when something poked its head out and swam around me. A dog somehow swam here, I thought even more confused, but then she turned her head around, and looked at me, and I realized it was a beaver! A whole big grown up beaver was right next to me, looking at me! I gasped and stared mesmerized, while she stared back at me good-naturedly, for a good few seconds, both of us in shock. Then she turned to swim away, but I couldn't watch her departure because something else got my full attention. A big bird was flying right at me. I saw the big wing span before I saw the head, and it was – a heron. I was immediately thrilled by this, because herons will not come close to me, I had herons offendedly fly away if I so much as looked at them from 500 meters distance. This one was already so close! Come to me, I thought with satisfaction, but then, already so close, the heron realized I was there, and changed direction mid-flight, flinching away from my offensive presence. It made a big circle to the other side of the river instead. I could still see it from up close!

Also during this entire encounter, I was almost completely naked, was only wearing my underwear. The animals were also not wearing anything so we were all even. I've never seen a beaver, or a heron, from such short distance before. I don't think this kind of thing could happen in the warmer months, I think the animals only relax this much in the river when the water is not very human-hospitable, so they don't expect to run into a whole human being while chilling on a Saturday evening.

My first interaction with a beaver was an underwater headbutt! It wasn't strong, but I can still feel the place on my thigh where she bumped into me, it was so damn cool.

Now, the mystery remains: why were both the beaver and the heron heading for this exact location, at the same time? My first thought was that maybe heron was hunting the beaver, but it doesn't make any sense, the beaver is way too big to be prey. Then I thought, maybe all of this was a coincidence. Maybe the beaver was just there to get some of the floating logs, because she needed some building material. And the heron was using this spot as her usual chilling place, and I rudely occupied it before she could land there. But then it hit me.

They were heading for the same spot, at the same time, because they had a meeting. They were secret friends, and this spot was their hangout spot. They were gonna chill together and discuss recent river news. I sadly was not accepted into their friend group as I was the wrong species and also did not announce that I would be there. I scared them away, my only hope is that they had a chance to gossip and rant about me later.

[sweetcollywobbles]

whiskey neat. | yan!re6! leon kennedy x reader

TOO SWEET by hozier ▶︎ •၊၊||၊|။||||။‌‌‌‌‌၊|• 1:00

HAPPY SEPTEMBER 30TH!!! i just wanted to pop something out for the day, so have this really badly written one-shot that i'll maybe (or maybe not) fix up. but that doesn't matter because i am no writer and this is all for shits and giggles.

tw: implied drugging and implied kidnapping

₊˚⊹ ᥫ᭡. 𓂃

leon was too old for this. for this crush thing that he's been dealing with recently. a thirty-six-year-old man shouldn't have to deal with the butterflies, the random flustered faces at work, and the fantasies that were too explicit to share.

yet she's absolutely enamored him. heart and soul, he'd say, she's taken it. while she, his darling angel, has no absolute idea what she's done to him.

she started as the new F.O.S intern, tasked with the job of helping leon out with his daily schedule there at the office while learning a few things from hunnigan. yes, it wasn't all about him, but it was still something that leon wasn't too fond of. sure, he's gotten lazy on paperwork, but leon didn't see a need to have a babysitter. it's demeaning and insulting. especially for someone who's given all his life to this goddamn coun-

leon's internal rant was cut off when he saw her, sitting down in the conference room waiting to meet him. she was in her early twenties, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. she was the prettiest little thing he'd ever seen.

leon had changed his mind in an instant. with those berry pouted lips, she could absolutely demean the life out of him if she wanted to. command him like an absolute dog.

and that's how it's been for the past year now, moving from F.O.S intern to leon's personal assistant. leon had somehow convinced her that it was a much better position for her than being an F.O.S agent. and for whatever reason, she agreed.

since then, leon’s joked that she was his work wife. she got him to meetings on time, made sure all of his paperwork was filed properly, and made sure he looked presentable wherever he went. and he would take her out for lunch and buy her presents. it’s a fair trade, she thought. but she never figured that he would take her job description too seriously. that he would look at all the things she was supposed to do as anything romantic.

but she should've known better. leon had always been a bit too touchy with her. a hand always placed at the small of her back, the soft touches on her cheek, and the excuses to always have her hand in his. not to mention the way he looked at her. goodness, she would've guessed she hung the moon, created the stars, and lit up the sun every day. leon’s love-stricken gaze went right over her silly head.

what an idiot.

leon thought it nice to finally have someone to dote on, much less someone to dote on him too. it was something he had only ever dreamed of. and with his approaching birthday, leon’s fear of growing old with no one was steadily becoming a reality.

he needed that to change, and she was going to help him.

leon will invite her to share an early birthday meal with him in his office. maybe some greasy chinese takeout and a bottle of whiskey. but he'll leave a small surprise for her in her glass.

they'll both eat and share a few laughs.

but halfway through, she'll start to feel sleepy, and he'd assure her that it's okay to take a nap. he'll wake her if someone comes looking for her. but that nap will last a few hours, which will give him enough time to sneak her out of the building and into his car. or maybe he won't. maybe leon will parade her around in his arms, tell people that she wasn't feeling well, and he's taking her to the on-site clinic and then home. ya'know like a good supervisor.

a good, caring, loving supervisor.

what can he say? he's a good guy.

₊˚⊹ ᥫ᭡. 𓂃

hope you enjoyed! xxox

[mehilaiselokuva]

Finnish vocab from news part 100000000000

Erämaa - wilderness

Isännöidä - to host (even though this word is formed with isäntä (male master/host), it's gender-neutral)

Meppi - MEP

Työkkäri - employment agency

Lytätä - to press flat

Saimaannorppa - Saimaa ringed seal

Yes, I will forever use this picture. Please donate to places like WWF Suomi and Suomen Luonnonsuojeluliitto or to individual local activists to save these little guys. Their living environment is threatened by fishing and climate change and they're one of the most rare seals in the whole world. With your donation, they could be saved. (Sorry for the sudden rant about this seal, I just love them)

Puskaparkkeeraus (puska+parkkeeraus) - "bush parking" parking in a bushy area. More about it here:

Tuotantokatko - pause in production

Kaukolämpöverkko - distance heating network

Raideliikenneonnettomuus - rail traffic accident

[edwardteachswombtattoo]

Hold on, let me just ramble about Edward Teach for a moment and why I love his gender.

I've always been a huge fan of characters who fuck with gender, but one thing I've noticed is the...limitations of genderfuckery, both in fiction and in fandoms. Men are allowed to be fem, but only if they're smooth and hairless and white.

So it was gratifying coming into this fandom and seeing all the people happily putting Ed (a bearded MOC) into dresses, lingerie, skirts, etc. All without removing the beard (it does happen, but Ed has canonically been beardless so it's not too big a deal when people draw him without it). This is what I mean when I talk about genderfuckery and I feel like so few people truly get it. You can be feminine with a beard! A full bushy beard even! And tattoos! Being feminine isn't just for white skinny gay men in their twenties, where did that idea even come from? (kidding, I know where it came from and I'm holding myself back from ranting for ten paragraphs)

Forever mourning Ed in his wedding dress era. We would have never recovered.

This is the middle-aged men in pretty dresses and makeup show. Btw.

[jasper-explores-selfships]

"If any more fucking bandits try to run me through again, I will hunt them down in the Falkreath wilds and devour their hearts!"

Falco Spara didn't even look up from the book he was reading; he had just gotten to the spicy part of this historical Old Capennan monsterfucker romance, after having silently deducted points for every incorrect historical bit thus far. But only one person would walk into his office unannounced and ranting like a madman. "Jasper. How was Skyrim?"

Jasper Clark scowled deeply, their bushy eyebrows furrowing down over their grey eyes. "Bad. The answer is bad." They flopped down into the chair on the other side of Spara's desk and dramatically threw their arm over their eyes. "'Let's go hunting', Eola said. 'It'll be fun and easy', she said. We went into FIVE Nordic ruins! If I never see another draugr in my extensive life, it will still be too soon!"

Spara placed his bookmark into his book and stuffed it back into the drawer of his desk. He leaned forward over the desk and folded his hands together under his chin, propping himself up with his elbows so he could look at Jasper. "What in the name of Serra took you two into ruins to find bandits? Don't they usually stay in old forts?" Spara knew a lot more about Jasper and Eola's adventures than any other New Capennan did.

He knew what they did with bandits.

"As it turns out, when you start hunting down every bandit camp in Falkreath Hold and the Reach, bandits start to notice!" Jasper ranted. "We did finally find a group, but damn. I ended up fighting two Dragon Priests back to back!"

"I doubt they were much of a challenge for you," Spara chuckled, tucking his wings closer to himself. "And you haven't told me much about how skilled Eola is in combat, but given that you willingly associate with her..."

"Oh yeah, she's great in a fight," Jasper confirmed. They rubbed their face. "It wouldn't be so bad if they didn't keep using frost magic. I hate the fucking cold."

Spara blinked a few times. "...Then why go to Skyrim?"

"Well, how else am I going to hang out with Eola?" Jasper had the gall to look at Spara like he was the crazy one here.

Spara shook his head. He should have known by now that he would never understand how Jasper's brain worked. He just appreciated the fact that they were...arguably...on his side. At least, they were until they got bored. Or until New Capenna collapsed as a society. Whichever came first. "I see," he said, even though he didn't really get it. "Well, next time you go, do tell her that I said hello."

"I will, boss," Jasper said, getting up from their chair. They were much calmer now than they had been when they walked in. "Anyway, figured I'd let you know that I was back in town and ready to get back to work." They were out the door before Spara could even verbally acknowledge what they said.

Spara sighed and dug his book back out from his desk drawer. "Serra, grant me patience..." he muttered under his breath as he opened the book back to where he had left off.

[strawberrybobamilk]

Cut Here (Part 9)

Notes: helloo!! Sorry this part took a long time and I have also been inactive for a while, but it's been quite a stressful time lately. Thankfully I will go back to writing more soon!❤ ty for the support and love you all give to my work!

TWs: Language

November 2004

"...six... five... four... should I really count down to one with my eyes closed?"

Trevor chuckled "Kiddo, if you open your eyes before it wouldn't be a surprise now, wouldn't it?"

The girl pouted, her eyes still closed "Right! Three... two... one..." she opened her blue eyes and raised her eyebrow at the sight of a large stuffed unicorn in Trevor's hands.

"Happy birthday little Tracey" a little smile appeared under Trevor's bushy beard.

Tracey picked up the unicorn, she seemed touched by his gesture but also... confused "Uncle T... thank you, it's cute and I like it but... I'm thirteen..."

Trevor sighed "I know, I... just wanted to give ya something pretty, ya know? I mean, come on, you love unicorns! You had that one pink unicorn you called Princess Cottoncandy and we played with it together and..."

"Uncle T, that was SEVEN years ago" Tracey said almost embarrassed by the memory "Look, thank you and all really, just... I'm not a child anymore, ok? Just... things change, PEOPLE CHANGE" she walked off holding the unicorn by the tail to her room, leaving Trevor sitting there on the sofa, the sounds of Tracey's younger brother Jimmy's videogame being the only thing breaking the silence.

-

1993

Trevor was knocking on Michael's door, almost smashing it.

"GET THE FUCK OUT PORKCHOP WE HAD A FUCKING JOB TO DO-"

The sound of babies coming from the inside made him remember. Oh yeah right, Michael knocked up Amanda. Twice.

Michael opened the door, looking more disheveled than usual.

"What... do you want Trevor?" he snarled and rubbed his face, as a little girl was pulling his shirt hem. He picked her up with a "Not now, Tracey, dad is busy"

"What do I want?! I want YOU to answer the phone when I call! We are a team and me, you and, yeah, Brad as well, had a job to do, and you're here playing house"

Before Trevor could continue with his ranting, Amanda came in, holding a crying baby Jimmy in her arms, her nose scrunched "Michael please can you help me just a second?"

"Oh for fu- another diaper change?!" he turned to Trevor putting the crying Tracey in his arms "Be right back, hold Tracey a second for me ok?"

"What?! I'm not a fuckin' babysitter!" but Michael was already gone. Trevor sighed and sat down with a frown, putting the sniffling Tracey on his lap "Alright alright little gremlin don't cry I am Trevor Philips or uncle T the hell you prefer to call me and I'm here or whatever you tell children-"

Tracey interrupted him by putting her small hand on his nose and laughing at his "Hey!"

She babbled "Uuun-cllee...Teee"

Trevor stopped, his gaze softening at her coos "Yes kiddo, I'm Uncle T" and in his mind, he swore to God, if anyone harmed her or little Jimmy, that anyone was gonna get skinned alive.

-

He looked at Michael smoking outside, looking at the sky.

"People change. Right".

He got out and sat down on the snowy ground, next to the blue eyed man "Hey"

"Hey" Michael blew a grey cloud of smoke "Something on your mind?"

"I could tell the same thing about you man, it's your daughter's birthday and you've been awfully quiet the whole time" his eyes narrowed "Pretty too quiet, lately, if you ask me"

Michael scoffed "What am I supposed to say? She's getting old, into her moody teenager years. Gotta be prepared for that shit now"

"Yeah... I guess she is" Trevor sighed "Jesus, I already miss that little bundle of joy she was when she was a small kid. I guess people change, like she said..." he looked down at the snowy ground, both of them sat down. It reminded him of the first time they met under the bridge. The day their friendship was born. And now sometimes Michael was part of him, sometimes not... he wished he could go back to those idyllic times, just for one day...

"Mikey... that time me and Brad robbed that lady, you said something along the lines of 'it's time to step up our game'. But you never said what you meant by that. How about you spill the beans?"

Michael looked at Trevor with something resembling a mix of fear and respect at Trevor's incredible memory "I did say that, didn't I?" he threw away the cigarette "Well, ever since I started robbing around, I wanted to do something BIG. Something that would go down in history. Not just petty crimes and thefts, but something... that would have me remembered when I'm dead, and I would be remembered for the... the..."

"The big one?" Trevor suggested, and Michael nodded.

"Yeah, the Big One!" Trevor put his hand on Michael's shoulder, both of them reminiscing their camaraderie times, but Michael's smile vanished when he looked at Jimmy and Tracey playing videogames together, and Amanda coming in with two plates of cake in her hands much to the two kids' delight. Amanda picked up two more plates of cake and walked to Michael and Trevor.

"Come on you two, you really wanna eat cake while freezing outside?" she handed Michael's cake slice giving him a little kiss on the cheek, and handed Trevor's cake slice giving him a cold glare before walking back in.

Trevor has always been aware of Amanda's deep disliking of him but didn't even care or notice her glare as he quickly started devouring his slice like a feral animal, he almost didn't hear Michael saying after a long time "We're gonna do it"

"Really?"

"Yeah. Me, you and Brad" he chewed his cake bite a little, thinking for a while "Bobcat Security Depot, next month"

Trevor raised an eyebrow at the other man's suggestion, to which Michael promptly replied "Hey, haven't I always been the mastermind when planning our jobs? Just like the old times"

Trevor paused, then grinned "Welcome back man"

Trevor kept munching, while Michael absent mindedly twirled his plastic fork around his plate and after some minutes mumbled an almost inaudible "I'm sorry T..."

"For what?" Trevor licked clean his plate.

Michael inhaled "I'm sorry... for not being there all the times..." he suddendly pulled Trevor in a hug, almost knocking their plates over "You're my best friend T"

Trevor paused at Michael's unexpected display of affection, and after a bit he slowly leaned into the hug.

"You too Mikey, you too"