#burning spice cookie they could never make me hate you

[blindhummingbird]

VOTE BURNING SPICE COOKIE AS COOKIE OF THE YEAR 🗣️🔥🔥🔥🔥

[nervocat]

Remembering when I couldn't play crk and an old friend was showing me characters (this was in like 2022) and affogato was like the only one who caught my attention. along w vampire and lilac cookie I think. and I still rlly like all three of them

[no1blacksapphirefan]

What if we mix up a few of the previous asks about the Self Aware CookieRun Kingdom AU, Hmm? And by this I mean: What if instead of the player being jealous of the cookies, the cookies are jealous of us with whatever media we're paying attention to while we idly play their game?

Example: I keep putting CRK in the background while I play other games on my Nintendo Switch b/c I hate waiting for things to produce in this game. I just wanna make enough resources to feed into the Wish Tree and Bear Train, but noooooo... Every item that they need takes a minimum of like, four hours to produce. And yes, I know I could just close the app and wait, but I like collecting other resources while I wait. So as the things that take multiple hours to literal days to craft are cooking, I play Hello Kitty Island Adventure, ignoring all of my little cookies and only occasionally looking down to refill my cue for sugar cubes and cake logs and jellies and all that other nonsense before getting right back to what really matters to my gaming life at the moment: becoming best friends with Sanrio characters.

So I would like to imagine all of my favorite cookies are trapped in mines and factories crafting enough resources so I can continue playing THEIR game stress free just to look up beyond the screen to see me having the time of my life becoming besties with a bunch of cutesy mascot characters on an island of fun and adventure. You can't tell me they wouldn't be at least a little jealous.

I do this a bit too, usually when Im farming like bounties or such. Let them auto as I concentrate on something else. I can tots see some being jealous though, especially if they're just stuck doing their victory pose till you realise they finished their job

Shadow Milk Hey! HEY!! Look at him, pay attention to him. He is so much better than whatever you're playing, you can't just leave him to cut wood for you and only pay attention when he needs to do more.

He wants your attention, almost craves it. He won't fully admit that though. He won't even admit he's jealous that you're happily playing a different game, oh he could keep you better entertained if you just looked at him. Let someone else cut the wood and he'll put on such a fantastic performance for you that any other would look like jokes...just look at him for more then a second please or else he'll be sulking once you finally log off the the day.

Black Sapphire He’s annoyed, but he has ideas on how to get up ur attention back, I mean being a radio show host he needs to be entertaining after all. But if those attempts don’t work he might make a loud sound come from your phone, something that’ll draw your attention to even for a moment but not let you realise it was him.

Like a screech of sorts as if your audio is distorting. He doesn’t mind making whatever you wish but at least give him some attention, especially since he’s been working so hard

Burning Spice Oh how he wants to throw his axe at that other device. You’ve been paying such happy attention to him, why stop now?? Just because you need some sugar cubes??? You’re lucky he likes you and wants to see you smile. He knows breaking that other device will surely upset you but than again…

He can make you happier, he promises!! Just lay off it for a few seconds and let him fight in the arena, let him hear the sweet praises you give him as he does the finishing move after you thought it was a loosing battle. He could never disappoint you. Just have your eyes on him. Though he wants to he won’t break the other device even if he figured out how…not yet anyways…don’t make it a habit

Black Forest She loves you so much please look at her. You’re who she wanted to marry, the witch she chose. Even if you’re technically not. She’s been doing a good job you know!! Tending to those sheep so you have such nice fluffy clouds.

At least praise her as she gets back to work but oh she doesn’t mind…well she does, shd feels the growing jealousy as your eyes and attention is on a different game. You really like befriending those sweet animals don’t you? Maybe if she convinces the other cookies, she can make it similar!! Surely you’ll stay longer though right? She doesn’t want to feel like you care more for that game.

Pure Vanilla he knows it’s nothing, that you still love the game and you just need to pay attention to something else but he can’t help the growing jealousy as he works tirelessly during Alliance, only having your attention briefly when you’re moving onto the next difficulty, or when you need him to farm that level again.

He feels bad, especially when he realises he wants you to stop play on that game. He tries to remind himself you still love him but seeing you giggle as you play your other game makes him upset, not at you specifically, he doesn’t even know who he’s mad at. He just wants your attention back on him. He’ll be happy for days when you turn back and happily tap on him like you usually do though

[burningcheese-merchant]

PLEASE MERCHANT LISTEN TO ME

I started watching Burning Spice Cookie's flashback in the game and suddenly I started thinking "is that all? How stupid" because there are characters older than him and who apparently haven't had this problem of "boredom from "same old thing" so he leaves the Burning Spice Cookie thing as childish. but then I started thinking, what if I developed this? You see, if a person doesn't have a proper childhood they can develop psychopathic traits (more or less what I've seen in Burning Spice Cookie) so what if he and the other Beasts didn't have childhoods? We are not given any clue that they have grown, which gives us to understand that they appeared among the common cookies as adults.

Imagine that you barely have time to know your own name and suddenly you are thrown into... (I don't know, a battle?) expecting you to help calm everything down. What if, as soon as Burning Spice Cookie was born, he began to be burdened with many responsibilities and having to fight to unify Beast-Yeast into one nation? It would be a good reason why he "got bored" with everything, since some psychopaths have that trait of enjoying causing harm or hating monotony and social rules (it could also be an explanation for your au's Burning Spice Cookie).

I am SO glad someone else sees the problem with Burning Spice's "boredom". We have a million immortal characters in this universe and not a single one has had this issue with their lives. The Ancients live forever thanks to the Soul Jam, and they don't seem bothered by it at all (hell, look at Golden Cheese. She is actively pursuing immortality, for herself and especially for her loved ones). The Elementals are immortal, and they have zero complaints about it. Millennial Tree and Sugar Swan are older than the world itself, do you see them crying about it? Nope. They live and carry out their duties happily. You don't even see this with the ones that actually WERE mortal once. Fire Spirit? He loves who he is now, he's said so out loud in cutscenes in Ovenbreak. Sherbet? Though he misses being with Cotton, he otherwise loves being free to travel and see the world almost entirely unburdened, the way he always dreamed. Frost Queen? She adopted her role and upholds the balance of nature with grace. Life and immortality are only what YOU make of them. The Beasts are a bunch of stupid, selfish babies. The end.

"Not having a childhood" IS an interesting point to raise, though. You're absolutely right: having a tumultuous youth can and often does lead to psychological issues of all kinds, big and small ask me how I know lol. And for all we really know, they WERE born adults right from the jump. How Cookies are born and how they age are SUPER weird in this series and neither is ever explained properly besides "baked in oven", so... What's keeping anyone from imagining characters just born fully grown right away?

With this in mind, and with the points you've raised, we can maybe look at the Beasts like this: people who were brought into the world without being asked (although no one is), and burdened with nigh-impossible responsibility right away. Immediately told to sacrifice themselves for people they do not know or care about, who do not know them or care about them. To uphold a balance they may not understand, nor did they create themselves. Never having been allowed the chance to live and grow as all sapient beings are entitled to; to go out and have fun and be foolish and make mistakes that they end up learning from. They were born abnormal, and they never never allowed to escape that abnormality once. They live only for others, never for themselves, not even for small things. One has to wonder if they even counted as people at all in the eyes of those they fought for, or if they were just archetypes whose faces and actions were used to placate and justify whatever anyone wanted them to.

... Yeah, that sounds pretty shitty when you put it that way lol. It just goes to show how the Ancients are the true rightful owners of the Soul Jam, in my opinion. They EARNED that power, it was not given to them on a silver platter. They were able to live life as regular mortals for a while, then actively sought out that power and proved themselves worthy of it. Hollyberry united an entire region of warring houses. Dark Cacao tamed dragons and brought peace to a long-devastated land. Pure Vanilla endured the many arduous trials of the Sugar-Free Road in pursuit of truth and enlightenment. These are all things that require hard work, dedication, humility, and a certain wisdom that you gain from experiencing life in general. Wisdom that the Beasts may or may not have possessed, because they may or may not have ever been able to attain it in the first place.

As for my Yandere AU Spice... Yandere Spice is well and truly a psychopath (all the Yandere Beasts are). It's the thing you see often with actual stalkers: he's more in love with the IDEA of Golden Cheese than the woman herself, as she actually exists. It's all about what HE wants, what HE needs, what HE expects from her. Pure, utter selfishness, projection and delusion, as psychopaths are fundamentally incapable of empathizing with others (that's what marks them as psychopaths in the first place). With the Accidental Yandere Golden Cheese one, he's the same, but A) leaning a bit more into his bloodlust/enjoyment of harming others (which is also common in psychopaths, like you said), and B) him actually being clever/manipulative enough (at least to some degree) to know how to play into Golden's wants and feed her ego in order to sway her (Golden in this AU is also just kind of a fucked up person on her own, independent of Spice, so it's an unlucky combination). She's not "boring" like everything and everyone else is. She captivates him, she surprises him, she keeps him on his toes. He "loves" her. Therefore, he owns her and vice versa, and he will do whatever it takes to have her all to himself, up to and including hurting and killing innocents (it's not like they mattered, anyway). What caused him to be this way ultimately does not matter; maybe it's that overwhelming burden of responsibility and lack of a choice or a chance to live life that we addressed earlier. Perhaps he was just born broken. Whatever it is, he's a bloodthirsty, selfish, uncaring monster and it is Golden Cheese that he has chosen to make pay for it, unfortunately.

TL;DR Not liking immortality is a skill issue. The Beasts are dumb little crybabies. Yandere Spice is disgusting and should face a wall. I like writing deranged people far too much. I enjoy engaging in meaningful conversation with others about things. Thank you for the ask, I vibe with your thoughts and ideas, I hope you find lots of money on the ground today

[makerofmadness]

ok so: Beast-Ancients Swap AU but actually the Beasts messed up the timeline and made it one

(I will explain I swear-) The following sprite edits and designs were a collaborative effort of me and @driftwoodmfb

(Lily's design and edit is not finished yet, and Ssalt isn't getting one until that character is released-)

general shoutouts to Driftwood for collaborating with me on this in a lot of aspects btw she's the mvp of this whole project

I am Very bad at concise descriptions but basically: "5v5 climactic final showdown occurs but the bad guys win and then the group consensus on what to all do together to compromise thanks to slightly different priorities is 'Hey we all really hate the ancients now so let's just like. Screw them over' so they basically used their combined virtues' powers or something (look all of this I came up with just to justify the AU's actual concept) to like reset and alter the timeline to swap their places with the ancients basically. and then they kinda accidentally get redemption arc'd in the process. Meanwhile the og ancients... are not happy"

I'm def gonna post more about these guys in the future (and also I like. Encourage people to send asks because I need enrichment dndndnmd! I have a ton of stuff sitting around about them and I love talking about them- so. Here's my attempt at an overview (I. Suck at being concise this took all day to not make way too long dndndndm):

Shadow Milk Cookie - Calls himself the Dark Moon Magician. He's quite braggadocious and more than a little mischievous, quite the show-off too, but he has a good heart down there (nowadays). Though he has often had to be badgered by the Light of Truth into actually telling the truth on things...

Eternal Sugar Cookie - You'll meet them someday. Just not now.

Mystic Flour Cookie - Her face and voice do not do much to express how much she despises the Cookie she used to be, and the Cookie she still sees whenever she looks in the mirror. She is the most eager to come clean to her Cookies, but something is holding her back... she decides to save it for when she has finally repented enough by her standards, to earn her position as queen. It's never enough.

Burning Spice Cookie - For the kingdom he rules, you may (or may not) be surprised seeing how little he cares for material riches. To him, lived experiences are the most precious things- hence why he's always looking for a good fight. Or to just have fun with those close to him- which is not many as he has had a history of issues- after all, transient things fall to time, but the impressions they leave can last up to forever...

Silent Salt Cookie - The fallen hero. It wasn't supposed to happen again. They all knew it could happen, they agreed to prevent it. Why did they make the same mistake...?

Pure Vanilla Cookie - The embodiment of the most common lie. He can string Cookies up to make them move and speak against their wills. He does this to himself often, when he grows tired. He is very ashamed of what he has become, but no matter, he will be fine once he regains the light of Truth, and exposes the truth of this world to all Cookiekind...

Hollyberry Cookie - Berry juice is a comfort to her, such is why she had wished so badly to drown her mind and all her pain in it. She is... frankly, harmless the way she is now. She doesn't have the power, pride or energy to fight. Her heart is just as full of love as it's always been, even if her mind's gone fluffy as frosting. So much that even being in a permanent stupor won't stop her from missing her family, still...

Dark Cacao Cookie - As he describes himself fully, an empty vessel without a will of his own, whose only goal is to carry out the will of fate. He will play his part in this story, for he knows there is no other way. After all, they'd tried to resist already, and it was all in vain. He is cold, empty, such was his resolve: to be unburdened by feeling, so that he would feel no pain...

Golden Cheese Cookie - Calls herself the Demonic Goddess. When she gets upset, she tends to fly into fits of destruction- which she has become very, very good at causing. She laughs it off, she laughs a lot in general, but she really does not like what she's become. However, she is still the same greedy Cookie as she always was, and still wants nothing more than to annihilate the ones who had displaced her and her friends and take back what is rightfully hers...

White Lily Cookie - Founder of the Lily Kingdom. She is a stern, serious figure who tries to keep everything under her control. She quickly silences those who tell her what she does not wish to hear untrue, unkind, or unnecessary things. She does not get very openly emotional often, and tends to address everyone with the same attitude even if it's her friends. (They can generally tell when she means well). She plans to silence all lies from Cookies' mouths, especially regarding who the "Heroes" and "Beasts" are...

(i. Never mentioned the name of the AU itself the whole time in this post did I? Ok uh that's Immemorial Interchange btw if I ever say that or II then I'm talking about this thing for future reference XD)

Edit: I have a tag on my blog for the au and I just kinda post whatever I feel like. Hope y'all can enjoy this I'm probably gonna be dumping a lot of stuff I've held on to. And I would love it if people send asks X3

[chessboredom]

i just realises i misspelt liar so many times... (same anon) it just hit me. ANYWAY more expanding on the mutal toxic yaoi. Obvis Sm would still be toxic in his own right, the usual being voilent when not getting his way, manipulating, ect. BUT it would be more of an equal ground, cuz well... Sm is a very emotional person (literally throwing tamturms) and if this is Tr (cookie of decite ver) he uses it to his advantage. I can imagine Tr not being happy with how Sm treats him, so in a "im angry and i hate you" fashion plays with Sm emotions. Heres the kicker! Tr probably so fucked up mentality by Sm, he becomes DEPENTANT on him! And Sm dependants on him (cuz yk LONLEY) so they just back and forth each OTHER. Does Tr love Sm? Does Sm love Tr? Who knows. Its like a codependacy, a very fucked up codependacy where they have nobody else but themselves and because of that it has lead to them being... something, probably freaky. Sm caring then violent, Tr loving then degrading. One second they all fluffy the next they are trying to rip each other throats. Sm has created this fucked up love, and Tr is result of it. Tr is Sm weakness, one he can never rid himself of. They are both liars, who lie to others and themselves, they never want to change. They'll never know if the other is lying or telling the truth. So they lie to themselves! A web of lies, each others prey and spider. So intangled in each other, unwilling to unravel. Its SO TOXIC, yet they both live in it. Its all they have, its all they "deserve". Yk people should make more spider symblomism i think it would fit! Cuz yk web of lies! Plus i can imagine the other beast looking at this and going "wtf are these freaks doing?!?!?!?" Probably 100% see whats going but not caring to interfer cuz Sm dig this mess, he can fix it. Also something ive thought about, if there are two cookies of decite then are they both beasts? Or is it something else. anyway little funny extra hahas, if they were to have kids (in this toxic mess) but like they created them not uh mpreg cuz they both would try to get each other pregs i swear. They created them using parts of them selves! AND i imagine twins! Yk why? BECAUSE! The comedy, and tragedy masks! They would mirror their parents! (The irony) relant on each other but would not hestate to stab each other in the back!!! (They would would each have a favorite parent!) Messy messy afterall kids copy their parents behavor! Being taught violence is a way of love. Okay uh done for now (also homestuck fannnnn!!! Still waiting for hiveswap I LIKE THE IDEASS!!!! IN IT! The pain of waiting waaaa) -signed the ShadowVanilla fan with to many thoughts of ideas!

SO THAT'S WHY YOU'RE VERSED IN THE WAYS OF TOXIC SHIPPING. A FELLOW HOMESTUCK FAN. OF COURSE! /VERY POS. (OMG the Hiveswap wait HELLLP so real, also SAME. I really just want the LIME BLOOD LORE. It's all I want.)

Anon, you were literally like an angel shining down at me when I woke up and read your last ask lmao. Thank you for sharing your toxic yaoi ShadowVanilla ideas. 😭😭

Ohh myy gooooog. The other Beasts would wish THEY WERE in that deep of a level of fucked up codependency. IMPORTANT NOTE: Everything they do is all SHADOW MILK'S SCRIPT. His plan is to LURE the Ancients into Beast-Yeast and "take back their Soul Jam." LOL. All they got was more depression and getting horny. (See how I noticed this pattern?) And everyone, don't forget to thank Shadow Milk Cookie for making Mystic Flour hold Dark Cacao's chin up and Burning Spice ripping Golden Cheese's wings on that cliff. Even Burning Spice believed that Golden Cheese was a theif. He is DEFINITELY projecting on the pages of his "greatest masterpiece" and it's all

I think the quality of being a Beast is that they were the Very First Creations that are basically cookie gods who became tainted with it's power then causing havoc across cookie world. Or it could be that they share the Soul Jam. Idek lool.

The twin comedy tragedy masks kids is so genuis. I'm already thinking of naming them Solar Cream Cookie and Lunar Cream Cookie. Lol. They'd hate each other but can't think of living without the other. Just like their incredibly mentally ill parents. <3

[sharky-the-idiot]

burning spice cookie they could never make me hate you because even if devsis mishandles you I have the version I made back in March that caters specifically to me

[eliteseven]

(about consonance) so, spooky month and (I guess) it would be Serena and Shads' first Halloween, do they have any rituals prepared? like watching a horror movie every day, or making themed meals, a costume idea?? I love this month and I'm curious about these two, they're cute. Also, taking advantage of the fact that I rarely make asks here, I'm listening a lot to a band called The Warning, and there's a song that screams Nobleheart to me, it's called 'Show me the light' and I'm addicted to it.

Ooh well firstly, feel free to share anytime you feel like it 🥹💕 i love asks, they prevent me from actually working and that is the sweetest blessing

Some Consonance Spooky Season HC’s:

-Since it’s their first Halloween together I don’t think they’d have a full on house/cottage together yet. Maybe a shared apartment (I think they would live with the hallowleafs part of the time too tbh, but I do see them having their own shared space)

-I feel like Jen is super into the season (goes hand in hand with Shadowheart, tbh) ! Serena, being from the coast and all, hasn’t experienced proper seasons (at least since her mother passed, and the spirit of the holidays went with her….) and Jen is so eager to show her, especially now that she’s happy and Shar-less 🥹💕

-The domesticity??? Decorating their place together, spending chilly mornings bundled between the blankets??? Or Jen wrapping her scarf around Serena’s neck and drawing her in for kisses when they’re on walks? Having a pumpkin carving competition and flinging pumpkin innards at each other like stupid kids 🤭

-Jen being a fiend for horror movies- they watch one every night of the month. Serena doesn’t love them 😅 i don’t think she’s scared, tbh…let’s just say she didn’t really have the holiday spirit, prior to Jen, living alone. Jen kinda loves the adrenaline rush and it’s the perfect excuse to burrow into Serena’s warmth 😏 (not that she needs one).

Eventually, Jen inevitably gets distracted, or bored…. and suddenly remembers what (or whom) she’d rather be doing…😮‍💨 Tav loves movie night lmao

-Holiday cooking/baking!!! Jen can’t cook for shit- Tav isn’t much better, but she actually learns from Emmeline. Jen looooves to linger in the kitchen and distract Tav while she cooks Jen’s favorites. She sings for Tav sometimes 🥺💕 other times they share spiced wine and festive drinks and slow-dance in their kitchen. ….many dishes are burned along the way but neither of them really care. Jen wants to put a ring on this woman so badly, she never got to feel this way with Shar 😭🥰

Bonus: Jen learning that Tav’s mom used to make her holiday cookies (like the cute little pumpkin ones) and she spends an entire day trying to recreate them in some way, despite her atrocious skills in the kitchen. I genuinely think Tav would sob 🥺 she misses her mother every day and the fact that Jen went out of her way to give her a little piece of that happiness again???? Godddd Serena is so sickeningly in love with her, and vice versa.

-Jen debuting a skimpy little piece for a costume and Serena absolutely burning her hand holding whatever dish she was about to serve (worth it). Tav has always hated those corny couples’ costumes and suddenly she is very down to be whatever tf Jen wants. Cop and robber? Fine. Jen wants to be a vampire? Tav is her loyal thrall. Jen wants to be a cowgirl? She’s a damn horse, then 😭 Jen owns her, I’m afraid

-Isobel and Aylin probably throw the best parties, I feel like that’s where they’d be on Halloween, if not out and about touring. Everyone loves seeing Jen back to being social and coming to all the gatherings. She’s just…so happy and light, with Serena. Could def see Karlach and Wyll joining them for a group costume too tbh. (Mystery inc. ft. Their new puppy Scratch, perhaps???😭) I just love their little found family.

-More holiday festivities! Pumpkin patches, haunted houses (another excuse for Jen to hop on Tav’s back), bonfires at the Hallowleaf residence for all their friends 🥹💕 and ofc playing music together around the fire!

Re: “Show me the Light” by the Warning:

How cool!!! A sister trio!!!! 😮 so I gave it a listen and it was really beautiful!!! I like their vocals a lot, but man, the lyrics! I could see it from both of their perspectives, but particularly the “make me a rebel, stealer of your heart” feels like Tav imo, while “hold me please, never leave/need a daily poisoning” is very Shadowheart. That was just my initial interpretation for them though, I love it! I will put it on the NLS/Nobleheart playlist I have! 😁🥰 thank you so much for the rec, I love songs for writing inspo!!!!

[useless-sack]

One Quiet Moment

(Decided to take a crack at my own tale from the eyes of Sugar Globe Cookie, based on the work of the brilliant @brittle-doughie. CW: Implied self-deletion) ...If you're reading this, Cookiekind as we know it is extinct.

A few weeks ago, one of my old comrades breached their prison. Looking him in the eye felt weird, I must say. Seeing him in such deranged joy as opposed to me just feeling nothing but disappointment... it's truly jarring. My allies and I tried to fight him off, but it went wrong. It went so, so terribly wrong.

Pure Vanilla was the first to perish. Seeing him be bound in those strings and torn apart just like that was one of most gut-wrenching things I've ever witnessed. I'll never forget the wail I heard from White Lily at the sight of it before she too was strung up and dismembered before us. Next was Elder Faerie... that man had guts, I'm telling you. The Brave Gang was about to be annihilated before he jumped in and took the full brunt of the assault for them. Nothing remained of him after that... and it didn't even matter.

Have you ever had to hold a kid in your arms in their last moments? Because that's what I had to do with Gingerbrave. Poor kid was laying there, bleeding out, and he thought I was the one who needed the emotional support. He told me not to worry, and that even if we couldn't defeat the Beasts, he was sure there'd be someone out there who could see the world through. He uttered those words to me, took one last breath and... that was it.

And then Shadow Milk managed to free the other four.

It's quiet now. Nothing but the trees over my head rustling like the whispers of what once was. Occasionally, I find the crumb piles of those who I fought alongside, left there by the others like broken toys. I always make sure they're given as proper of a burial as they can have. I've searched all the other kingdoms I can find, hoping against hope that at least someone is out there... but I've yet to find anyone. What I did find on one trip, though, has just... broken me.

The forge hammer of the one I held dearest to me. Sometimes, as I look at it, I hear her hearty laughter brush past my ear... though that's most likely just the trees again. It's a miracle that I've even been able to go out on these searches anyway. You try going on search missions while five all-powerful Cookies are constantly breathing down your neck, like that one drunken flirt at a party you refuse to talk to.

First, Silent Salt Cookie. Likely the least unhinged of the five, but that's not saying a whole lot. They act as a bodyguard of sorts around me, not even letting a dust particle brush past me without swatting it away. I've tried to convince them to at least leave me be... but come on, like that'd ever work.

...Would it be strange to say that I'd find consolation in someone hating my guts in these times? Because I was certain that's how Burning Spice Cookie felt about me before all this went down... but no. They're just as ridiculously in love with me as the others are. Really should've seen that coming, huh?

Turns out, Mystic Flour Cookie actually spared a select group of Cookies. Great, right!? No. She did it purely so she could threaten and indoctrinate them into forming a cult for me. Attempts have been made to dismantle this cult and save those in it. All of them have failed.

Shadow Milk Cookie. For the love of the Sugar Swan, when will this little rat leave me alone? He's always dragging me into his little shows, and they're all the exact same; "Oh, look at us, we're soooo much better than the Cookies we've slaughtered, including your GIRLFRIEND!!". Never have I wanted to punch someone more than him.

...And then there's Eternal Sugar Cookie. Good. GOD. If I'd known what that twitching ball of madness was gonna do to my family, I'd have jumped back into the arms of White Lily or Black Pearl in a heartbeat in order to ensure my own safety. I don't even wanna write down the things she's done to me here, just know it's BAD.

I've tried to escape sometimes, y'know? Ascend to the clouds where I could find my loved ones again, apologise, try and make amends, and I've actually succeeded in the past... if only for a few minutes. Then I'm dragged right back down to the barren hell I tried to run away from. They won't even let me die. I guess that's why I'm writing this down. Because I'm one step away from snapping, and I have to vent somehow. So here I am. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't protect you all, I'm sorry that this is how it's all ended, and I'm sorry I can't be there to apologise to your faces. Maybe one day, we'll all get to meet again in an uncorrupted world, but for now... this is it for us.

This is it for me.

~ Sugar Globe Cookie.

[fanartandfanfiction]

HUMBLE

A charlastor fic

Chapter two: Elephant in the room

Alastor’s reception is…mixed. No one quite knows how to interact with him. The princess, however, doesn’t seem to give a shit.

————— -

Alastor was standing in the kitchen preparing the jambalaya and could sense the little moth girl hovering. “It’s impolite to stare.”

Vaggie came into the kitchen with her arms crossed. “I don’t know what your game is, but I don’t trust you.”

“A wise decision, really.” He hummed as he chopped ingredients.

“Charlie may have decided to let you stay, but just know I’ll be keeping my eye on you.”

“You only have one, dear, I’m sure you can find something MUCH more interesting to watch.”

The girl muttered something in Spanish and left. Good.

Apparently he couldn’t be left alone in the kitchen, which was ironic, since he was literally holding a knife. “Yes, dear?”

“Oh! Hi!” Charlie waved and looked embarrassed. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt, I was just coming to see what smelled so good. I kind of thought you were joking when you said you were going to make jambalaya.”

“Oh I’d NEVER joke about jambalaya, doll.” He winked at her.

“What…exactly is it?”

He gave her a surprised smile. “You’ve never had it?”

“No, I mean, I was born here. I’ve never really gotten to try different foods.”

“My dear, you are truly missing out! I’ll have to prepare some other dishes for you to sample sometime.” He waved her closer and she stepped forward, looking unsure. “The main ingredient is rice. Then you throw all sorts of tasty things in there, sausage and chicken, all sorts of spices…everybody makes it differently. My mother liked an extra kick, so she’d add a splash of tobasco.”

“I suck at cooking. Vaggie said I can burn water.” He was surprised when she hopped up onto the counter and sat. She looked at him with a small smile. “Can you keep a secret?”

“I’m excellent at them!”

“This is my emergency cookie stash. I have to hide them or Angel eats all my Oreos.” She reached up under the cabinet and pressed a hidden button, dropping down a compartment. “Vaggie does too. As my new business partner, you are entitled to secret emergency cookies, so long as you keep them a secret.” She opened a bag and popped a cookie into her mouth.

Alastor’s smile was genuine. What an odd girl. “You don’t have to worry about me, I don’t have much of a sweet tooth.” He stirred the jambalaya and looked back at her. “What constitutes a cookie emergency?”

“Well…getting into a fight with a news anchor on live tv, for starters.” She popped another cookie into her mouth.

“Do that sort of thing often, doll?”

“No. And I hate that I did. I’m usually more in control of my anger. I have to be.”

“Why’s that?” Now he could begin to pry.

“I know I don’t look like it, but when I go into full demon or even partial demon mode…I can’t control it. I’m super strong and shoot fire and it’s just a reeeeally bad time.”

“On the contrary! I think that sounds like a DELIGHTFUL time!” He grinned.

“You would.” She chuckled. “Don’t think I haven’t heard the stories.”

“I should hope so! I have a reputation to uphold.” He abandoned the pot and came to stand in front of her, closer than necessary and with an unnerving smile. How he LOVED making other people squirm. The princess, however, was unbothered. She looked up at him in surprise as she ate another cookie. “Do you fear me, Charlotte?” He asked with a crackle in his voice.

He was completely unprepared for her response. She SHRUGGED. “Like you said, if you were going to hurt us, you would’ve done it by now. And if you DO decide to kill us, it won’t really be my problem anymore.”

“Then why’d you slam the door in my face?” He smirked.

“Because you were literally the last person I would ever expect to be at my doorstep. Also I was very confused, so I opened the door again to make sure. And I couldn’t think of a single reason you’d be here other than to kill me or wreck the hotel.”

“Nonsense! I have no desire to kill you, dear! Why would I?”

She shrugged again. “A power move. Happens pretty often, actually.”

“People trying to kill you?”

“Kill me, kidnap me, plenty of other things…” she looked utterly bored as she rattled off the list. “But I can take care of myself.”

“And what, dear Charlotte, do you do to your foes?” He was still standing in front of her. He liked to rattle people by invading their personal space. She was unbothered.

“Wouldn’t you like to know.” She smirked.

Alastor’s ears twitched. “Hide your cookies, doll.”

Charlotte shoved the cookies behind her just as the kitchen door opened. Angel walked in and looked surprised to see the pair. “Am I interrupting ?”

Charlie was suddenly very aware of how close Alastor was.

Charlie laughed uncomfortably. “No, not at all! I was just pestering Al with cooking questions.”

Angel looked genuinely frightened. “Oh no. Tell me you ain’t trying to cook again.”

“I might! I should really learn.”

“That you’re a hazard in the kitchen? Because I agree.”

“Don’t try to distract me. I’m still mad at you.” Charlie glared. Well, Charlie’s equivalent of a glare.

“Whaaaat? Come on, I was just lettin’ off a little steam!”

“By participating in a turf war?!”

“You won’t let me do drugs! And besides, I ain’t the only one that fucked up today.”

Alastor saw the flash of hurt across her face. “I know. I probably ruined everything. Who’d want to come to the hotel after that?” She jumped as Alastor’s hand waved right in front of her.

“Forget about me already, sweetheart? Your fiasco on the picture show is WHY I came here.” He pinched her cheek and smiled.

“Yeah, I don’t think you’re her target audience. Call me when dinner is ready.” He left the kitchen and Charlie looked upset with herself. She was startled as he shoved a cookie in her mouth, then patted her head before returning to the jambalaya.

The dinner table was silent. Vaggie glared at Alastor, who simply smiled in return. Charlie glared at Angel, who was absorbed in his phone. And Husk glared at everyone. Nifty had declined to join them for dinner.

“Soooooo. We gonna talk about the elephant in the room?” Angel asked, finally looking away from his phone. “Charlie kickin’ that news bitch’s ass and setting that Tom guy on fire?”

“I lost my temper.” Charlie focused on her food.

“THAT’S an understatement.”

“If you hadn’t been literally in the middle of a fucking turf war while she was talking about your rehabilitation, it wouldn’t have gotten so out of hand!” Vaggie snapped.

“Certainly we can find something better to talk about over dinner! Tell me about your grand plans for the hotel, Charlotte.” Alastor gave her a winning smile.

Charlie launched into a long winded speech while the moth girl continued to stare him down. He sent his shadow behind her and made it flick her in the head. “Hey!” She glared. Alastor just smirked.

When they finished eating, Charlie smiled brightly. “Let’s all thank Alastor for preparing such a delicious meal for everyone! And I know that with all of your help, tomorrow will be a happy day in hell!”

“Whatever. I’m going to my room.” Angel left and Vaggie approached Charlie.

“Do you want to do something tonight? Take your mind off what happened?”

“Thank you, Vaggie, but I’m going to wash these dishes and go to bed.”

“Nifty can wash those for you, dear!” Alastor appeared beside her. “The princess of hell shouldn’t be washing dishes.”

“I do a lot of things a princess shouldn’t be doing. And I like washing the dishes.”

“At least allow me to take them to the kitchen for you.” He summoned all the dishes and held the door open for Charlie. She thanked him and headed to the sink. He smiled brightly at Vaggie, who scowled as the door closed.

Charlie liked washing dishes, it was kind of relaxing. She turned her mind off and focused on the warm water and the bubbles. She was in her own little world when Alastor popped up beside her.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

“FUCK!” She dropped the dish she’d been holding and it shattered in the sink.

“Apologies.” He snapped his fingers and repaired the dish.

“No, it’s alright, I was in my own little world.”

“I know, I watched you wash the same dish three times. I figured someone oughta wake you up.” He stood beside her and picked up a dish towel and began drying. “You need an ear, sweetheart?”

Charlie wasn’t sure she could trust him. She’d JUST met him, she wasn’t about to bare her heart. She decided to just keep it vague. “Sometimes it’s hard knowing even the people I care about don’t believe in me.”

“Well of course they don’t! Your dream is ridiculous!” He grinned and Charlie glared at him. “Luckily, it doesn’t matter one bit if anyone else believes in it. Do you believe in your dream, Charlie girl?”

“Of course I do.”

“Then what’s the problem?” He noticed she was nearly out of dishes and would use the opportunity to dodge the talk. He silently added a few of the clean dishes back into the water with his magic.

“It’s just discouraging. Knowing that no one takes you seriously and is just waiting for you to fail. It makes my dream seem even more distant, because I’m alone.” She’d said the words out loud she did not intend to say. Her eyes were as wide as the plates she was washing and she was frozen in place. Alastor simply plucked the dish she’d been holding and began to dry.

“That’s where you’re wrong, sweetheart. You’re not alone. I intend to stay here beside you whether this place succeeds or fails! Personally I’m hoping for the latter, as it’s MUCH more entertaining.”

Charlie stared up at him with an expression he couldn’t read.

“I still don’t know why you’re here.”

“I told you, doll! Boredom!”

“And you could entertain yourself in any of the nine circles you pleased. There’s much more entertainment than running a little hotel.” Her ruby eyes were fixed on his. Impressive! Most avoided eye contact with the radio demon.

Perhaps she wasn’t as naive as he thought. He was just going to change tactics and put all his cards on the table. “You want a straight answer? I’m here because of you, Charlie Morningstar. Because I’m somewhat FASCINATED by you. You are the daughter of the KING of hell, you have to be incredibly powerful. Yet I watched you on the news getting your blonde patootie kicked. You could’ve destroyed that woman with a snap of your fingers. Why didn’t you?” He cocked his head in the way that made people cringe.

“Because I didn’t want to.” Charlie shrugged.

“But WHY?”

“I didn’t actually want to hurt her.”

“That still doesn’t answer my question.”

Charlie huffed and looked up at him. He could see a spark in her eyes.

“Because everyone here has been hurt enough. I won’t contribute to it. I don’t enjoy hurting other people. I want to help them. I was born here, I’ll be here my entire life, and I guess I’ll eventually die here. But these people, MY people are human souls. People that laughed and danced and had families, watched the sunset…They messed up when they were alive. But does that mean their souls should be tormented for all of their afterlife? Who HASN’T fucked up and wished they could change it? And sure, I know some of them wouldn’t change a thing, because they don’t regret the things they did one bit. But there are others, people like Angel, who had a shitty life and did some things he’s not proud of. Why should he suffer for all of eternity? So no, I won’t hurt people. I don’t want to own any souls. I want to give people hope, and that’s something they don’t have here.”

Alastor just stared at her. He wasn’t sure how to respond. Instead, he just patted her head and went back to drying.

“I’m not a puppy.” She scowled.

“But look at those big puppy dog eyes of yours!” He grinned. She had now picked up the same dish for the fourth time. He wondered how many times he could get away with it.

“You don’t have to dry, you know. You and I both could clean this up in an instant.”

“Yep!” He put the dish back for the fifth time, his grin growing wider.

“So tell me- ALASTOR!” She finally caught on and glared at him while he cackled. “You think you’re funny, don’t you?” The little demon belle glared up at him, hands on her hips.

“Oh I’m hilarious, doll! I was curious to see how many times I could get you to wash the same dish. That was number five, by the way.”

“You’re such an ass.” She rolled her eyes but he saw the hint of a smile on her face. “What I was GOING to say, was to tell me if you needed anything or had any questions. I’ll give you my cell number, it’s-“ she jumped at the loud crackling that came from him.

“I don’t fool with those ridiculous contraptions.”

“What, a phone? Did you not have a phone when you were alive? Were they not invented yet?”

“I’m not THAT old, dear. I’ve used a telephone. But that THING is a soulless machine that sucks the life out of those that fall victim to them, staring at their little screens for hours and hours, rotting their minds and feeding the INSATIABLE MACHINE!.”

His antlers had grown and his eyes glowed red.

Charlie laughed. She LAUGHED at him. He was so stunned that he immediately shifted back into his regular form. “Why are you laughing?”

“Because I thought I was the only one around here with a flair for the dramatics!” She giggled.

“I wasn’t being dramatic!”

“Oh you were DEFINITELY being dramatic. It’s a cellphone, a little rectangle. If I touch you with it, will you burn like a vampire?” She grinned and moved to touch him with the phone when his hand shot out and held her wrist in place.

“ I don’t like to be touched.” He gave her a grin that he knew was particularly frightening.

“Why?” She asked with a smile.

“Because I don’t!”

“That still doesn’t answer my questiiiion!” She repeated his own words back to him.

A genuine grin took over his face then. It had been a long time since he’d had witty banter with anyone. Most were either too scared to be around him (good) or too stupid to hold his attention.

“Touché, Charlotte.”

“You wanna let me go now?”

He realized with a shock that he was still holding her wrist. He dropped it like it burnt him and stepped back. “Apologies. I think I’ll retire for the night. See you in the morning!” And then he was gone. He appeared in his room and sat on the edge of his bed. Perhaps this would be more challenging than he thought. He’d assumed she was a little blonde airhead like everyone else. But he should know better than to underestimate the devil’s daughter.

Charlie sat at her vanity table and brushed out her ridiculous amount of hair. It was always such a chore, but she didn’t mind. What an awful day. She hoped she’d made the right choice in partnering with the radio demon. He didn’t seem to be anything like he’d been described. In the kitchen he’d been almost playful. It was weird. She sighed and checked her phone, on the off chance she’d missed a call from her mother.

She hadn’t.

She always felt a little better when she sang, so as she brushed her hair she sang one of her favorite songs. She didn’t want to disturb the other residents, so she sang softly to herself.

“ The sun'll come out

Tomorrow

Bet your bottom dollar

That tomorrow there'll be sun

Just thinkin' about

Tomorrow

Clears away the cobwebs

And the sorrow 'til there's none!”

Alastor’s ears twitched. What was that? Was someone singing? He opened his door and the song was louder.

“When I'm stuck with a day

That's gray and lonely

I just stick out my chin

And grin and say, oh

The sun'll come out

Tomorrow

So ya gotta hang on

'Til tomorrow come what may.”

For such cheerful lyrics, it was a hauntingly beautiful song when she sang it. It was slow and sad and so…unusual for her. The princess was quite talented indeed. He stood in his doorway and kept listening. His curiosity was killing him, so he sent his shadow to see what she was up to. He pictured her standing in the middle of the room singing with a smile on her face. He was shocked with what he was actually met with.

The princess was in a black silky nightgown and was sitting at a lighted table. She was brushing her ridiculous amount of hair and singing. He was about to call his shadow back until he noticed something else.

She had tears running freely down her cheeks as she sang in her delicate voice.

“ Tomorrow, tomorrow

I love ya tomorrow

You're always, a day away

The sun'll come out

Tomorrow

So ya gotta hang on

'Til tomorrow come what may

Tomorrow, tomorrow

I love ya tomorrow

You’re always a day away!”

Charlie looked at herself in the mirror and sniffed. She looked pathetic. Her eyes widened as she swore she saw something move behind her in the mirror, but when she looked again she didn’t see anything. She figured she was just tired. It had been a long day.

Well that was just downright depressing! Charlie was known for her obnoxiously happy persona, always a ball of energy and sunshine. That was a stark difference from the Charlie he’d just seen.

But he felt like he saw the real one.

[bassettmemes]

THE LOVE HYPOTHESIS. ↳ quotes from the love hypothesis by ali hazelwood. some quotes have been edited for clarity or usability.

"carry yourself with the confidence of a mediocre white man."

"i'm going to kill you."

"i wish you could see yourself the way i see you."

"i'm starting to wonder if this is what being in love is. being okay with ripping yourself to shreds, so the other person can stay whole."

"you can fall in love. someone will catch you."

"i'll come find you, and i'll take care of you."

"did you... did you just kiss me?"

"expiration dates are for the weak."

"i think about you before falling asleep. then i dream of you."

"it's fine. more material for my title ix complaint."

"this might be inappropriate, but, you are really extraordinary."

"i know it’s scary, being vulnerable, but you can allow yourself to care."

"everyone likes tall, broody, sullen hunks with genius iqs."

"a good kiss will do that: make a girl forget herself for a while."

"i liked you when i didn’t know you, and now that i do know you, it’s only gotten worse."

"you could stay mad, and we could go to your lab and throw test tubes full of toxic reagents at each other until the pain of third-degree burns overrides your shitty mood? sounds like fun, no?"

"my heart may be broken, but my brain is doing just fine."

"i'm fine. i mean, i wish i were dead, but aside from that..."

"i've never been surer of anything. except maybe cell theory."

"hypothesis: the more i mention an attachment in an email, the less likely i will be to actually include said attachment."

"are they deporting you back to canada because we've been sharing a netflix password?"

"tell them we didn't know it was a federal crime."

"i think that somewhere along the way i forgot that i was something. i forgot myself."

"academia takes a lot from you and gives back a little."

"not having a life came in handy sometimes."

"i do reserve the right to comment on your abysmal taste in men."

"pumpkin spice is satan’s dandruff, harbinger of the apocalypse, and it tastes like ass—not in the good way."

"hypothesis: if i fall in love, things will invariably end poorly."

"you just had to go and make me fall for you."

"a heart will break even more easily than the weakest of hydrogen bonds."

"there will only be one bed. it doesn't matter what it says; it's always one bed."

"i must say, the line between excellent career choice and critical life screwup is getting a bit blurry."

"you probably don’t like ice cream anyway, because you don’t enjoy anything that’s good in life."

"i have access to your google calendar, asshole. you're not busy. if you don't want to hang out with me, you can just be honest."

"to be fair, i don't like people in general."

"how much do you hate this, on a scale from one to ‘correlation equals causation’?"

"hypothesis: any rumor regarding my love life will spread with a speed that is directly proportional to my desire to keep said rumor a secret."

"approximately two out of three fake-dating situations will eventually involve room-sharing; 50 percent of room-sharing situations will be further complicated by the presence of only one bed."

"i'm never going to get used to the fact that professors are real people and have first names."

"that’s the thing with science. we’re drilled to believe that false positives are bad, but false negatives are just as terrifying."

"maybe so many years alone has warped me in some fundamental way."

"did this fortune cookie just throw shade at me?"

"based on the available information and the data hitherto collected, my hypothesis is that the farther away i stay from love, the better off I will be."

"i had financially rich, but emotionally poor, parents."

"talking on the phone is the hardest, most stressful thing in the world."

"no. i don't want to fake break-up."

[blindhummingbird]

Burning Spice Cookie they could never make me hate you…

[ohmykazuha]

I would pay you real world money for short Dainsleif fluff. Anything fall themed I'd give u all of my money /sobs <3

♡ 𝐚 𝐟𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐲𝐨𝐮

♡ 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: dainsleif x gn!reader

♡ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: fluff <3

♡ 𝐚/𝐧: and this one's free because i love you and you're a wonderful human being. here's baking fall treats and wearing turtlenecks with dainsleif! ❤️ hope you're having a day just as wonderful as you are! | like/rb if you liked this!

♡ 𝐩.𝐬.: i hope you found the little easter egg! XD

"Dain, stop looking over my shoulder." You chuckled, your lover peering over you to look at the ingredients. You looked up to kiss him on the cheek, the older kissing you back tenderly.

"Can't a man be curious?" Dainsleif smiled. He wrapped an arm around you, holding you close as you whisked flour and sugar together. His black cashmere turtleneck looked amazing on him, you thought – a soft blush forming on your face.

The two of you had decided to commemorate fall for the first time – or rather, Dainsleif's first time. You were nothing but shocked and horrified that he had never experienced the luxury of a hot chocolate by the fireplace, or eaten pumpkin spiced cookies, or had apple strudel – all these little pleasures you looked forward to every year.

"Weren't you looking through a book just now? Why not wait until I'm done so we could enjoy the treats?" You laughed, not unkindly. He rested his chin on your shoulder in response, sighing deeply.

"Oh, the ordeals we men have to go through. What a shame." Dainsleif teased.

"I'm just kidding. You know I'm always pleased to spend time with you." You kissed him again. Adding an egg into the mix, you hummed a cheerful little tune as you worked your way around the kitchen that you made your place.

Dainsleif watched you used your lemon salt shaker to add to the scone mixture, a soft smile on your face. Years ago, if you had told him that he was to be married in the future, he might have laughed in your face. Look at him now! A perfect lover, a perfect family, a perfect place he was blessed to call his home. And he loved every single moment of it.

His attention lingered as he watched you meticulously add cinnamon to the mix, the delicate smell enticingly making him imagine the tea spread the two of you would have later in the day. Scones, lattes, pumpkin and cinnamon muffins... it was nothing short of perfect. You were nothing short of perfect to him, he thought.

"...Dain? Love?" He snapped out of his musings, to see you snapping your fingers amusedly in front of him.

"Ah, sorry about that. Do you need my help?"

"Could you get started on the hot chocolate, please? Don't burn it, just melt the goods enough that it turns into a thicker liquid. Let me know when it's done?" You pecked him on the cheek and returned your attention to your muffins and scones – prepping the dollop cream and jam.

Dainsleif was confused. Food was note his forte! That was your area. You provided the meals, serving waffles, pancakes, buttered toast for breakfasts, and occasionally breaking out the sweet pastries you knew he had a soft spot for. But, ahh! He didn't want to disappoint you.

"Okay, pour the chocolate chips into a bowl over hot water. That sounded easy enough." Dainsleif thought. He couldn't screw that up, right?

Turns out, he could screw that up. Dainsleif had almost started to boil the chocolate, much to your shock and later amusement.

"Dain! Switch off the fire!" You yelped, setting your pan away and running over from your spot in the kitchen. Studying the now-very-hot chocolate for a moment, you decided that it was still salvageable.

"I'm sorry, (Y/N). I didn't realise the fire was too hot." He chuckled nervously, toying with the hem of his shirt. He hated disappointing you over such a trivial matter; looking into your eyes for any confirmation that you were not angry. You softened your gaze, and his shoulders slumped in relief once more.

"It's okay. Let's add some milk into it, it should be fine." You brought out the white carton from the fridge, gingerly pouring it into a measuring glass. He took the glass from you, finger brushing against your palm gently, and poured it into the chocolate. Well, hot chocolate saved, crisis averted.

"Phew. Okay. I think the scones and muffins are done. I'll take them out to the dining area, you could bring out the mugs and whipped cream?" Dainsleif looked at your soft smile, kissing you in response and turning to the cabinet behind him.

The table was all set, food laid out, and the fireplace was lit.

"Enjoy, my love. You can finally experience fall." You spoke dreamily, sipping on your hot chocolate.

"Perhaps we should do this every year," Dainsleif replied.

"Perhaps we shall."

OHHHHHH THIS FELT SO LONG BUT IT WAS SO SOFT TuT i hope you enjoyed, lane!!! | like/rb if you liked this!

taglist: @bookuya, @mikachuchu, @starglitterz, @cherubbic, @noirkkat, @the-gayest-sky-kid, @ajaxeology, @icecappa, @almondoufu, @gnyuvile, @yeetmeoffjueyunkarst. @simplyxsinned, @heaven-dissolution, @xiaoyksa, @yua1106, @gnyuvrse, @mayple, @rim0na, @kamitoge, @abyssheart, @hushyouu, @thaliastea

[disasterlegend]

Things that the chain would do in a modern au: cooking edition

in which half are literally just stupid things that I’ve done, and the other half are some of my proper headcanons for the boys ! :)

one of them, honestly any of them, would be in the kitchen cooking who knows what, and proceeds to get oil on their laptop (yes i use my laptop in the kitchen while baking i am a fiend who can’t do anything without some kind of music). so they just pick up the dish sponge that is soaking wet and soapy and uses it to clean off the surface of the laptop. Five seconds later either one of the others who just happens to be in the kitchen witnessing it or the person who did it is just standing there like “what the hell did I just do ???”/“why did I just do that ??” as they frantically wipe the water off of the laptop using their apron

apron is covered in pet hair (most likely twilight or wild)

Hyrule over-oils nearly everything. Like the baking tray that you spray to bake a cake or brownies in? emptied nearly half a can of oil. That sautéed mushroom dish that they’re trying to make? puts like 2 tablespoons more than necessary and the entire dish turns out really oily/greasy

Wind would turn on the stove and then go upstairs and forget that he turned it on

or alternatively he would turn on the stove to boil something and it would boil over right in front of him because he was watching funny videos instead of paying attention

I’d like to think that legend is slightly decent in the kitchen, I just think with like who he is as a person he has a lot of pride in what he’s making where like he’s practiced enough so it’ll come out decent

Sky only knows one recipe and it’s pumpkin soup. Absolutely nothing wrong with that because he never gets tired of it and neither do the rest of them

I feel like warriors can also cook but it’s also way harder for him and kind of like hyrule he’ll mess up measurements and overcook things 

Time can make oatmeal. That’s literally it. Like he’ll assist Malon in the kitchen during dinner because he’s a good husband but he does not do the main cooking. he will burn it 

four would be unbelievably precise with measurements 

wild would not measure like anything if he could help it

both would come out amazing though regardless 

hyrule can’t cook meals but holy shit he can bake. he’s harassed into making brownies and banana bread all the time by the others 

twi cannot bake but can cook and he 100% cooks odd but amazing vegetable dishes 

he works extra hard to mask certain vegetables in order to get the rest of them to eat healthy. ie: finely chops mushrooms so none of them know they’re there until after the meal when he reveals it all dramatic like a villain while the children (wind) scream 

time would try to teach them all how to barbecue because he’s the ultimate dad but in truth he learned from wars

wars laughs when he burns things and immediately takes over the grilling 

so it ends up being both wars and time who teach the others the art of grilling lets be real that grilling is hard so time gets a little bit of slack. doesn’t stop wind from laughing at him though 

wind isn’t allowed to cook/bake half the time but the boy is incredible with spices, like he can tell exactly what spice a recipe needs just in a taste test, and which vegetables pair well together depending on sauces. he’s like a master chef with zero technical skill 

that said wind is the biggest critic

wind: did you measure the vanilla extract correctly?  wild, who has never properly measured vanilla extract in his life: no <3  wind, a little gremlin: yeah i can tell

four and sky are the only ones who don’t tear up from cutting onions 

they all have stupid aprons (i personally have a cat patterned, hulk, and all might aprons and i absolutely think they would have those if not something similar)

twi would 100% wear a cat apron

sky would have a “kiss the cook” apron that he wears all the time because the group gifted it to him as a gag but he loves it 

wild would cook at literally any hour 

“it’s 11:30pm. put the cookie dough away and finish tomorrow” “if i don’t finish it now i’m never going to finish it” “please go to bed” “no” 

he only listens and goes to bed when malon asks him to

sky and hyrule help wild make cookies, he’ll make the dough and then they all take turns rolling it out and using cookie cutters to shape them

warriors likes to help ice them though 

wars: *holds up bunny cookie that he iced pink* look it’s you  legend: i will remove your knees 

wild also stress cooks/bakes. time will know somethings wrong when he comes home one day to see like three different pies in the refrigerator, four cakes varying in size and flavor, and about 15 dozen different cookies in various containers stacked around the kitchen, and wild is standing there icing another cake on a makeshift cake spinner that is constructed out of a large pot and a plastic plate 

the boys both love and hate his stress baking. 

pros: so many snacks. 

cons: too many snacks.

wind consumes too many cookies at once, regrets it for an hour, and then comes back to try each of the cakes

i mentioned it partially in my list but like here’s a chart too just for a better idea 

this was fun ! let me know what y’all think or if you want to hear more of my headcanons :3

[burningcheese-merchant]

No, Merchant, feel free to complain to your hearts content. I'm certainly much meaner to ugly blue alastoroncelerbillcipherspamton from temu and every last inch of his undeserved popularity. I seethe because as an Ovenbreak player of SEVEN YEARS, none of my faves get remembered in a tweet, let alone merchandise. The dragons, who all took over five years to collectively come out, got a pin set and devsis wiped their asses with them then moved on. I waited over a YEAR for another sugar nova odyssey update to come out because xylitol nova and astronaut are my favorite cookies ever and I'm still fucking waiting 🫠 meanwhile the beasts are getting shat out every 3 months with the most rushed nonsensical recycled plotlines held together with scotch tape because making profit is what really matters here, not competent storytelling. I wouldn't even be this furious if the beasts got equal attention and spotlight but we both know that's not true hahaha 😬 they love to shove their (really badly designed) golden cow in our faces because Smilk was lab engineered to get sexyman tumblr girlies screaming their heads off while not even being 1/4th the interesting character they want you desperately think he is. JUSTICE for burning spice, mystic flour, and everyone else who will get done dirty for this boring walmart Jevil 😒

Oh my gosh 🤣🤣🤣 tell us how you REALLY feel, Anon, let it all out. It's not healthy to bottle up your emotions like that (you might want to stay anonymous though, I don't think either of us want an angry mob at your doorstep lol)

I'm anticipating a ramble (as I am wont to do) so under the cut it goes

Gonna start by saying I DO like Shadow Milk. I really do. It took me a little while for him to grow on me when he first appeared, admittedly (ESPECIALLY his voice...), but I am genuinely fond of the little blue jester man. But he's certainly not my favorite, far from it. That title belongs to Burning Spice and Burning Spice alone lol. The only reason I ever turned the English audio back on (I usually play the game in Japanese, I love hearing my fave anime characters speak lol) was so I could hear that gorgeous baritone of his... Burning Spice is everything to me. I love his design, I love his voice, I love his dialogue, I love his personality, I love him soooooo much. He's my babygirl. If Silent Salt turns out anything like the character I've constructed inside of my head, then he will share the #1 spot with Spice. I'll go ahead and say that right away

I'm upset because, like you said, it feels like he got majorly shafted while Shadow Milk gets all the praise and attention. Mystic Flour as well, poor girl, but I'm focusing on Spice just to drive the point home a bit better. He didn't even get a fucking countdown. What was his little merch thing? That weird ass candle (I thought it was a vase at first lol) and that's it. Furthermore, his story feels the least developed. There was and is SO MUCH that could have been said about him as a person as well as his dynamic/connection with Golden Cheese, that wasn't for whatever reason. Episodes 5 and 6 feel like they're missing something (and you feel what the "something" is in that brief flashback to Spice's past. There's more to what became of him than "I was bored", there HAS to be. Boredom is a symptom, not the cause. I maintain that this theory of mine has merit, and it would've been nice if they dove deeper into it than they did), you know? And I hate it. I hate that Spice is basically the forgotten middle child of the Beasts while Shadow Milk gets all the glory. Seriously, for Shadow Milk:

They changed their YT avatar to him for a while (it has ALWAYS been Gingerbrave, they never changed it once to anyone else all these years). iirc they did this on Twitter too

They dedicate an HOUR LONG commentary video to episode 7 and Shadow Milk (arguably fair, because it WAS the 4th anniversary. But even so. Did they do this for any other Beast? Any other episode? Any other anniversary?)

They give him a costume (a legendary one, at that) plus a set with his Ancient. NO OTHER Beast/Ancient pair has that, and I struggle to imagine they ever will. Do you understand what I would do to have a BS/GC costume set? DO YOU???

They make an exclusive, limited edition plushie (that caused a massive shitstorm iirc, justice for everyone that got fucked over during that and fuck scalpers)

They make a whole ass pop-up store event themed entirely around Shadow Milk and episodes 7 and 8

Why? Because he's the fan favorite lol. He's long since been the golden child of this community, and now we know he's Devsisters' golden child, too. (And they're desperate for money because they're drowning in debt. That's also probably why they released Shadow Milk on the 3rd anniversary: to drum up interest on a milestone anniversary by bringing in a beloved character. Thematically/narratively, Shadow Milk should've been released last. But that's just my opinion.)

Again, I really do like Shadow Milk. I call him "Walmart Bill Cipher" affectionately (and because he genuinely does remind me of Bill. In fact, I think Bill might've inspired SM to some degree). But it's unfortunate that other characters, the other Beasts especially, are pushed aside and ignored just so Shadow Milk can hog all the spotlight. It is with a very intense grimace that I agree that Shadow Milk is a Tumble sexyman. He fits the stereotype to a T. It would serve us all well to accept that truth. He even got added to the Tumblr sexyman wiki before it turned to flour lol. Burning Spice is... NOT a Tumblr sexyman. He is a regular old hunk. Tumblr was never in the business of liking big, beefy hunks, at least not the Tumblr I knew 10 years ago lol.

I'm also, to reference it again, just really disappointed that so little was and is done to explore the other Beast/Ancient pairs - and the fandom is guilty of this, too (not to knock the PV/SM anaylses at all! They're all fantastic and I genuinely do understand and love the deep, complex connection between them!). To go back to BS and GC, because they're my lifeblood (not just for shipping reasons I swear)... it's particularly egregious to me that THEIR dynamic wasn't given the attention and detail it deserves. They are LIFE AND DEATH, the very foundation of the world itself, things I (personally) consider significantly more important than truth and deceit because it is from life and death that all else springs forth. Truth and deceit are things you actively look for; life (abundance) and death (destruction) are just there, everywhere you look, even within yourself. You can close your eyes, ears, heart to the truth and you can learn to shun, decipher, defend against deceit; there is no escape from life nor death. None whatsoever. And so much can be done with that. So much can be done with them. Burning Spice and Golden Cheese need each other in the exact same way that Shadow Milk and Pure Vanilla need each other. They parallel each other quite a bit, too. They're so similar and so different. They could have and SHOULD HAVE had so much to say to and about each other, like what Shadow Milk and Pure Vanilla have. But that didn't happen. Didn't happen with Dark Cacao and Mystic Flour, either. All of that love and care and philosophical exploration goes to the clown and the Jesus Christ allegory. Which is FINE, I'm not saying to leave those two hanging, just... show some of that love to the beefcake and the bird, too. And Korean Batman (Cacao reminds me of Batman, I'm sorry 🤣) and Ms. Angel of Death, too. Please, man. Truth and Deceit aren't the only dichotomy that matters and is worthy of thought and discussion

(and oh my God, dude. The Ovenbreak shit. I've been playing for as long as you, and that shit is diabolical at this point. We get ONE dragon update a year, and they always leave us on the most painful cliffhanger of all time each time. (And this last one... I have many issues, but the most glaring one of all: WHERE THE FUCK IS FIRE SPIRIT??? WHY ISN'T HE IN THE STORY??? HE IS INTRINSICALLY LINKED TO PITAYA DRAGON! THEY HAVE AN UNBREAKABLE BOND BECAUSE OF THEIR DEAL THAT GRANTED HIM SOME OF PITAYA'S POWER AND SAVED HIS LIFE! HE SHOULD BE AN INTEGRAL PART OF THIS ARC! HE SHOULD BE AT THE FOREFRONT! IF PITAYA GETS HURT, HE GETS HURT! FIRE SPIRIT'S WELL-BEING IS DIRECTLY TIED TO PITAYA'S AND THE DRAGON'S VALLEY AND BOTH ARE IN SERIOUS JEOPARDY!!! Oh God I can scream about this for so long. I have a similar issue with the Red Dragon arc in CRK, WHY WASN'T FIRE SPIRIT THERE?) I LOVE the dragons, I love their relationship with each other, I love the conflict between them, even the unique bonds/quarrels between specific ones! And their storyline is picked up and dropped over and over again, left to collect dust until they feel like continuing the story. Hell, remember Gingerbrave and co.'s quest to find where that wizard compass is pointing, and to find a place for them to build a peaceful life away from the Witches? Me neither lol. Sea Fairy's great sacrifice with Sugarteara and the cursed pearl? (SF was done SO dirty in Kingdom, she's an actual character in OB and in CRK all she cares about is Moonlight, to the point that she lets an entire civilization fall to ruin because she refuses to do her fucking job) The Xylitol gang... Well, as of writing this, that's the next update... Which will give us another legendary cookie, hardly 3 months after Dreamweaver lol. Fuck Stevia Nova, I already don't give a damn. Give me more Xylitol Nova and Astronaut and that's it

I have a lot more to say (especially about BS and GC, God I could talk about them FOREVER, they're so interesting to me), but I think I've rambled enough lol. All the love for Shadow Milk, truly, but all the love and justice for Burning Spice and the other Beasts and every other character that gets ignored, too

[rfaromance]

Remembering the marshmallow Saeran comparisons, how would all of the RFA + V, Saeran and Rika have their tea/coffee and are they a biscuit dunker?

Would how they have their drinks match up to their personalities too? Like with Yoosung, his could have a ton of milk or something to have the flavour nice and mellow

Ray is a tea man to me! He could have loads of sugar for sweetness? Actually Yoosung could too

Suit Saeran could have the blackest of black coffee, dark 'like my soul' XDDD

What do you think? :D

About the dunking biscuits, I'd love to know if the RFA like it because I personally hate it! XDD

I hate getting my biscuits soggy and weird :( T_T hahaha

Hello! Excellent question for the Marshmallow Boy and gang.

First of all, I don't think Zen would drink tea or coffee until Jaehee starts getting into coffee. Before that, it's all water or beer. But Jaehee manages to make him a smooth brew for a simple latte. Zen isn't into very sweet things, so milk and coffee is all for him. If you could get him to eat some sort of sweet with it, maybe a biscotti. He'd bite it raw and probably hurt his teeth. Help.

Jaehee is for sure a coffee girl! She is always trying all sorts of different creations, sometimes changing the beans she uses or the amount of milk she adds, or using grinds vs. grinding the beans herself, etc. I'd say her favorite is probably a lighter roast (think Starbucks blonde) because it has more caffeine, and she's always tired. She likes vanilla or hazelnut. She isn't usually one to have anything on the side, but if she did get a little scone or something, she wouldn't dip it because it would alter the flavor of the coffee.

Yoosung tried black coffee once, to be like a manly adult. Never again. Now he loves making latte art at the coffee club! But after his caffeine scare with Saeyoung, he's more likely to go for a tea, or perhaps a mocha with a nice balance of coffee and cocoa. Either way, it will have a lot of milk. He definitely makes little cookies or biscuits or scones to dip in his drink; he loves baking, after all! He probably experiments with different flavors and textures to figure out what fits each drink the best! Right now his favorite combination is a chai latte and a cinnamon scone, if only because of the autumn weather!

Jumin would unironically drink black coffee. He drinks red wine, so I'm assuming he doesn't taste tannins (the molecules that make coffee and wine taste bitter) and thus would have no problem appreciating black coffee. He might add a splash of milk for flavor, but it would probably be a non-dairy milk. If you give him a biscuit, he's going to dunk it in. You can't stop him. He likes that the liquid softens the texture of the baked treat so it isn't as crunchy.

Saeyoung doesn't drink coffee or tea--just Dr. Pepper! He has an aversion to any sort of drink that people can develop a dependence on. But you could probably talk him into a milk tea, if only because he likes slurping up the boba with the big straw. Honey boba, of course. Probably an almond or vanilla guy for the milk tea, but I wouldn't put any weird flavors past him.

V is a tea drinker. Please, give him something soothing. He is always stressed, whether from the weight of his thoughts or the many secrets he keeps hidden deep inside. I could see him being a fan of chamomile with a splash of lemon and sugar. I think he sometimes dips a treat in his tea, depending on his mood and the flavors. An orange or cranberry biscuit is going in. A chocolate one isn't.

Ray is 100% a tea guy. Full of milk and cream and sugar and honey. He's probably adding vanilla extract, too. He needs something sweet and basic (meaning MILKY, referring to pH, not to pumpkin spice latte girls like me) to counteract all of the elixir that burns his mouth, esophagus, and stomach. He's actually worked it down to somewhat of a science to figure out the best concentrations and mixtures depending on whether he needs comfort, energy, or a kickstart to his brain. But he isn't dipping his cookies in there; that'd ruin his perfect measurements!

Suit Saeran would try black coffee but it would burn his insides instantly. Please, dear, drink something your body can handle. You're not any less powerful if you really like strawberry milk.

GE loves strawberry milk, actually. He's getting strawberry milk tea with his brother. They're bonding. He also likes floral teas and flavors like earl grey, with a lot of cream and sweetness. Also a white chocolate mocha kind of guy.

Rika is a Pumpkin Spice Latte girlie actually. She doesn't care what people think. She likes the flavor, but specifically when it's iced. She has the aura of someone who'd drink only mature drinks, like a simple Americano or a flat white, but she wants the cinnamon lattes and the caramel macchiatos. Please, let her have something fun for once. Let her get a cake pop and a sugar cookie latte from Starbucks. Let her smile and indulge her inner child. Maybe also recommend she tries some black tea, though, because she needs to sit down and be calm for once in her life.