#building better habits and overcoming imposter syndrome
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
Stop Feeling Like a Fraud & Start Crushing Your Goals: Building Better Habits to Banish Imposter Syndrome Forever
💥 Ready to kick imposter syndrome and bad habits to the curb? 🙌 Our latest blog post has you covered with easy, actionable tips to build better habits and silence your inner critic for good.
So, you’re ready to become the best version of yourself—cue inspirational music. But wait. Instead of being a productivity ninja, you’re snacking on chips while doubting every single achievement you’ve ever made. Sound familiar? Yeah, you’re not alone. Imposter syndrome and bad habits are like that terrible ex who just won’t stop showing up in your life, uninvited and always ruining the vibe.…
View On WordPress
#building better habits#building better habits and overcoming imposter syndrome#habit stacking#how to form good habits#imposter syndrome strategies#micro-habits#perfectionism#personal development#positive affirmations#self-growth
0 notes
Note
Hi there! I've been going through some difficulties repeatedly in my academics and life in general that i want to resolve once and for all and make sure it's in the past. I've been having issues during my viva and a massive inferiority complex over others having more practical experience than me in my field and not being good enough. I thought the baggage of my teens and my self concept back then had gotten better but these patterns keep making an appearance and reminding me how much time I've lost over these issues. I've come to the conclusion over the years that i have a habit of putting myself down and the negative self talk is reducing my chances of getting better at anything. I'm so frustrated that I'm this way because I repeatedly get told that I'm an excellent student and I have a bright future ahead but my own perception of myself is so distorted that it's coming in the way of achieving things. What's more is that people can see this inferiority much more than before. Obviously it's hard to miss due to my behaviour and that makes me an easy target too. Ik i should try to find the solution myself but i really need another person's POV and opinion on where I could start. I've decided this year is going to mark the end of my negative self concept! I'd be very grateful for your advice. Thank you ❤
It sounds like you're taking a fantastic first step towards conquering that negativity! Recognizing these patterns and actively seeking ways to break free is a powerful move. Here are some ideas to get you started on your journey towards a more positive self-image:
Challenge the Voice in Your Head:
Fact-check your thoughts: When that inner critic starts whispering, stop and question its validity. Are those thoughts based on facts or just negative self-talk?
Reframe the narrative: Instead of "I'm not good enough," try "This is a challenge, and I'm going to learn from it."
Focus on Growth:
Celebrate small wins: Every step forward counts! Did you ace a quiz? Did you present your ideas more confidently during class discussions? Acknowledge these achievements, no matter how small.
Embrace "yet": When comparing yourself to others, remember they too started somewhere. Instead of "They're so much better," try "They're experienced, and I can get there yet."
Self-Compassion is Key:
Forgive past mistakes: We all make them. Learn from them and let go of the guilt or shame.
Practice self-care: Prioritize activities that make you feel good – exercise, hobbies, spending time with loved ones. A healthy you is a more confident you.
Seek Support:
Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist: Sharing your struggles can be incredibly helpful. A professional can provide guidance and tools to manage negativity.
Additional Resources:
Explore online resources like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) techniques for managing negative thoughts.
Consider self-help books on building self-esteem and overcoming imposter syndrome.
Remember: Change takes time and effort. Don't get discouraged if you have setbacks. Celebrate your progress, and keep reminding yourself of how far you've come. You've got this!
Here's a bonus tip:
Write down your positive qualities and goals. Reviewing them regularly can be a powerful way to combat negativity.
You've already made a great decision to take control of your self-image. This year can absolutely be the year you leave your negative self-concept in the past! Keep going, you've got a bright future ahead. 🤍
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
Life Coaching for Women: Empowering You to Reach Your Full Potential
Life can be challenging at times, and as a woman, you may face unique obstacles and expectations that make it even more necessary to have a supportive guide by your side. That's where a life coach for women comes in. A life coach is a trained professional who can help you navigate through life's ups and downs, empower you to overcome obstacles, and support you in reaching your full potential. In this article, we will explore the benefits of having a life coach specifically tailored for women and how they can make a positive impact on your life.
One of the key advantages of working with a life coach for women is their understanding of the specific issues women face in today's society. From gender biases in the workplace to societal pressures on appearance and relationships, life coach online course for free can help you navigate these challenges and develop strategies to overcome them. They provide a safe space for you to express your concerns and frustrations, as well as offer guidance and support in finding your own unique solutions.
A life coach can also help you identify and clarify your goals, both personally and professionally. They will work with you to set realistic and achievable objectives, then break them down into actionable steps. This process can help you gain clarity and focus, making your goals feel more attainable. Your life coach will provide you with the tools and techniques needed to stay motivated, overcome self-doubt, and stay on track towards achieving your dreams.
Another significant aspect of life coaching for women is the emphasis on self-care and self-empowerment. As a woman, it's common to put the needs of others before your own, often neglecting your own well-being in the process. Women's Life Coach can help you prioritize self-care, set boundaries, and develop healthy habits that support your physical, mental, and emotional well-being. By nurturing yourself, you can show up more fully in your relationships, career, and personal life.
Lastly, a life coach for women can provide valuable support in building self-confidence and overcoming self-limiting beliefs. Many women struggle with feelings of imposter syndrome, self-doubt, or fear of failure, which can hold them back from pursuing their dreams. A life coach can help you challenge these beliefs, reframe negative self-talk, and cultivate a positive mindset. By building your self-confidence, you will be better equipped to take risks, embrace new opportunities, and thrive in all aspects of your life.
In conclusion, life coaching for women offers a unique and empowering approach to personal growth and development. By working with a life coach who understands the specific challenges and aspirations of women, you can gain clarity, develop self-confidence, and overcome obstacles that may be holding you back. Remember, investing in yourself is a powerful step towards creating the life you desire and deserve. Check out this related post to get more enlightened on the topic: Check out this related post to get more enlightened on the topic: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coaching_psychology.
0 notes
Text
i swear i can remember shit in such comprehensive and specific detail RIGHT up until the moment where i actually need to use the information omfg
that said, imma make a List lmfao for the things i wanna mention in my next therapy session.*
Too Scared To Learn To Drive (because i fear my inability to regulate my attention will inhibit me from being able to drive safely)
2. Afraid of ~overcoming my anxiety~ because i feel my anxiety is the only thing that has protected me from making the risky/dangerous choices that people who share certain traits with me are likely to make (mostly drugs/alcohol/dumb reckless shit). like lmfao in my current state, i could NEEEEEEEEEEEVER become addicted to narcotics bc there is absolutely no way in the world that i am going to go out of my way to seek out, and initiate contact with the kinds of people from whom i could obtain drugs.
3. imposter syndrome?? i mean i know that's not a totally Real Thing but I am hellaaaaaaaaaa beholden to and held back by a persistent belief/worry that i'm not actually as good at anything as i think i am and that everyone sees through me and knows i'm a fraud.
4. fear that i'm doomed to never ever ever make any real, life long intimate (both the romantic and platonic kind) relationships with anyone in close proximity to me for as long as I'm stuck living in the region that i am, and even if i ever DO get to leave here and go someplace where my values are shared by a significant portion of its other inhabitants, by the time that happens i'll have long since forgotten how to even form/maintain friendships and it will be impossible for me to relearn :(
5. absolutely cannot stop myself from making the habitual choices that i know are detrimental to my health/safety/success/future. like. i flat out do not have the ability to say no to a habit that makes me feel good In The Moment and i have no idea how to build that skill in my brain.
6. super talented but struggle to turn any of my talents into a means of financial gain??? just in terms of talent/ability, there's no reason why I shouldn't be a successful author, musician, artist, screenwriter, etc... no reason why i shouldn't be able to sell my fanciest knitted items for top-of-the-line prices. i have absolutely nothing to show for what i'm capable of, and it makes me feel so fucking embarrassed/pathetic.
7. i've HELLA pulled away from most of my closest friends solely because i feel like their lives are probably better if i'm not around because i have nothing positive to offer anyone and the biggest favor i could ever do anyone at all is to stay far away from them.
8. the previous so-called ~therapist~ who irreparably traumatized me a few years ago. i mean i know ~irreparably~ might be overstating it, but i guess what i mean is that i feel like i won't ever ever ever not feel permanently and constantly wounded from it until i get Professional Help for it.
9. my HELLA emotionally/mentally abusive former violin teacher who also left me traumatized to the point where even the SLIGHTEST tense/non-positive interaction i'd have with her would trigger extreme anxiety to a degree that might possibly qualify as some sort of manifestation of ptsd
9.5. the honest to god fucking RAGE i feel when i think about all the ways that that woman fucking screwed me in my music education/career.
10. suck at keeping my room clean :(
#*i'm not actually expecting to discuss all of these things lmfao i literally just wanna mention them#so my therapist can perhaps use the info to guide my progress over time
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Pluto in the 1st and 12th houses
Pluto in the 12th House natives have deep, rich inner lives, but often suffer privately from intense mental battles and struggles. These people are often intimately acquainted with the notion of suffering. They feel pain very heavily and if not careful, they can let it consume and ravage them. I’ve noticed a lot of these natives are intensely talented or artistic or creative, in fact, a lot of musicians have this placement; that being said, natives also seem to immensely struggle with severe depression for they are easily overcome with unfortunate life events and stresses/stressors. Sometimes, it may feel as though life has it out for them. They may grapple with despondency or chronic depression. These individuals can struggle to remain positive when it seems their faith is always tested, but these individuals are also gifted with extraordinary willpower and intense focus, discipline, and dedication. They have the power to make all their dreams come true; their superpower is their relentless ambition, and the responsibility they feel to the world to prove themselves: this is their number one obligation and promise to themselves. They hardly ever fail in this act: proving themselves. Many of them deeply struggle with insecurity and may have an inferiority complex or suffer from imposter syndrome when it comes to their beliefs in their talents or abilities. They battle against these fears, doubts, and anxieties when they consistently demonstrate how bold, how fearless, how determined, and how gifted they are. They do, however, often internalize their failures as proof of some kind of self-issue, some inadequacy, some inability to do good, some lack, proof of bad performance, etc. They need to realize that even when they feel subpar, the work they do is optimal, and the world can use their gifts, so they should embrace all the skills they have to offer. One of the downsides of this placement is that while these natives often fall in love with potential, they most often fail to see their own. They also need to stop doubting the possibility of an outcome and start finishing what they start to reap the efforts of what they produce, so even if they do manage to not live up to their own exceptionally high standards, they will know it is because it wasn’t the right project and not that they weren’t the right person for the job. Sometimes, they can truly be their own worst enemy; they need to stop letting their inner voice undermine their relationships and their lives. They build walls sky high around their heart because they don’t want to be let down, and if their defenses are up, they falsely believe their security can’t be threatened. Many carry deep wounds stemming from unhappy childhoods, wounds they have lodged deep inside of them. Many have never fully recovered from or properly addressed traumatic life experiences. May have an aversion to or distrust of not only modern medicine, doctors, and healing practices, but a distrust of hospitals, therapists, psych units, and counseling, as well. May have issues talking about their deep-rooted fears.
Very private, complex individuals. Vigilant because they’ve experienced harrowing episodes or encountered visions they should have never had to bear. May have been witness to shocking events they shouldn’t have seen. May often find themselves in the wrong place, wrong time scenario. Often seeks out danger. Parts of them are incredibly reckless, daredevil-like, driven, and sensation-seeking. Finds not comfort, but intense pleasure in thrill and high-risk activity. Constantly chasing a high—not necessarily drug-induced—and pushing the boundaries of themselves. Constantly defying self-limits. Often suffers from loneliness and feels exiled from the world or even rejected or unaccepted because they’re too weird or dark or unusual or frightening, in a way that they don’t follow the rules, or they’re the black sheep of some sorts, but more often than not, their isolation is self-imposed. Well-versed with their shadow side. Trust doesn’t come easy to them, but once they have it and it remains unbroken, you will have their loyalty for life. They also reward loyalty. Their friends/confidantes are their closest allies. Harbor many secrets. Has addictive habits. May have grief due to private dilemmas. Feels uncomfortable with but unafraid of death. Intense control issues—if not properly resolved, this can lead them to be very controlling. Intense love affairs. May have a hard-knock life, even if successful career-wise, with many ups and downs. May have difficulty regulating or controlling their emotions. May struggle to find inner peace. May question their purpose or belonging. May feel trapped or powerless in situations involving spiritual matters—i.e. God—or earthly/temporal matters, such as life or death. May feel tested and challenged by unpredictability but thrive off of it or need an element of unpredictability in their lives to feel useful, inspired, or creative. Creativity is often linked to deep pain, in these natives. It is often an emotional outlet for them. These natives feel uncomfortable when they feel seen by others. Incredibly resilient, brave individuals. They lack a strong self-concept. Identity is weathered by forces the natives cannot always see but are often held back by. Struggles with deep sadness and loss or grave emotional pain at times. Feels strongest when not experiencing the uncomfortable emotion of regret—this emotion is the most difficult for them to confront/contend with. They’d rather feel nothing at all. Natives may have a stark view of themselves or a black and white picture of the world. Their internal or external reality/world may be harsh to them or unlivable.
Pessimistic at times, prone to cynicism. Intensely probing, thoughtful, solemn, demonstrative, reserved. Much internal activity. Acutely sensitive to their environments—emotional/psychic and physical. Senses, intuits, and often feels other people’s emotions. Perceives others’ objectives or goals, and others’ thoughts of them. Has an instinctive grasp on human nature, especially of the shadows and the darkness and all else that is germane to the human condition. Suffers a lot in the world, sometimes by their own hand/as a result of their own doing (self-inflicted pain is often their coping mechanism). Needs better coping skills—healthy ones. May self-harm or turn to self-destructive behavior when in a rough spot. May be the victim of poverty during youth. May duel themselves. Often subject to high stress. May believe in the existence of supernatural entities, i.e. ghosts, aliens, demons, etc. Very active imagination, dark thoughts that they attempt to run away from. Seeks refuge in solitude. Silent by choice. Natural observer. Knows more than they seem to know. Omits on purpose. May have unusual proclivities, i.e. engage in activities considered taboo or NSFW. In touch with their “wild” side—the parts of themselves most people are uncomfortable with. Relishes in what makes people uncomfortable. Finds joy and incomparable beauty in that. Attempts to fill a void caused by a state of incompleteness. Strives to assuage that with superficial emotions, relationships or vices, but it only leaves them more desperate and more empty, feeling more deprived. Always analyzing themselves and others. Danger of too much self-analysis. May be prone to self-violence (real or metaphorical). Intrigued by distressing situations, moodiness and violence. Doesn’t like nosiness. Prone to internal self-conflict and fanatical obsessions. Strong sexual appetites. May feed into lies or deceit out of self-preservation. May disguise selfishness through seemingly selfless sacrifices/acts, which are used to gain the favor of someone so they can do their bidding. Can be forceful or coercive at times. Very fixed and untenable at times. Learns a lot about life through painful experiences and private ordeals or feelings of being in crisis or having suffered identity or existential or health crises. These obstacles only serve to make them stronger and build/solidify their character, however. Adversity feeds and replenishes their spirit and helps them sprout wings, though, it feels like swallowing poison. They may, however, experience bouts of mortal illness or encounter near fatality as a result of such ordeals and life tests/tragedies, which is a testament to their individual strength. Clings to a feeling of independence and armors themselves with it. The first to say “I can do it on my own”—needs, not wants to make it through life saying they did it without help. Needs to realize that everybody needs help sometimes and they can’t indeed do it all on their own. There’s no shame in needing help or needing to take a break sometimes. Emotional scars must be dealt with. May be malicious or spiteful/vindictive when angry, which can come back to them in the form of karma. May face/encounter many near-death experiences in their lifetime or remember past lifetimes of violence or violent death. May have vivid and possibly violent dreams or suffer from nightmares. May be haunted by the past in the form of past lovers, past unresolved traumas, past relationships/friendships, past actions, past bills, past secrets, etc. Their past is never unburied, it seems. It always comes back to bite them. Seduced or entranced by the notion of revenge, for some, others by the idea of creating something permanent, whether via their work or via they, themselves.
Pluto in the 1st House natives inspire intense feelings from others—positive or negative. Public reaction to them is nearly always extreme—they are either worshipped or conspired against, loathed and plotted against. They inspire very polarizing reactions from people. For as many people rooting for their downfall, or for as many haters as they have, they have admirers who believe they can do no wrong. They attract massive fanfare and devotion from those who do support them, who often support them for life in a ride-or-die fashion. These individuals tend to suffer many private betrayals and public backlashes or attacks on their character and reputation. They are often subject to nasty rumors and lies made up by those who hate them or want to see them “ruined” or “destroyed.” Most of it is not true, but these attempts at character assassination often successfully taint their image or sully the general public’s perception of them. They often have to win them back. May have to admit or show weaknesses or give the allusion of groveling in order to gain public support again. Often loses themselves and has to recover themselves. If not careful, they can destroy themselves, as they are very self-destructive people. May turn to drugs or negative coping mechanisms such as gambling or alcoholism or other recreational drug use when feeling defeated or down in life. Doesn’t really know how to address painful, negative emotions without being swallowed by them. Often ruin themselves trying to cope with the pain they feel internally that they can’t escape. Paranoid and untrusting, but for good reason. A lot of people close to them have shady intentions or are trying to use them or manipulate them or get close to them for deceptive motives. May be subject to blackmail by friends turned enemies, lovers turned enemies, and so on, more than actual perceived enemies/foes. Are often “ruined” by those closest to them, though, while these attempts may seem victorious, those with Pluto in the 1st house or Pluto conjunct Ascendant often triumph in the end because they rule comebacks. If anything, being “canceled” or reviled only motivates them. They will succeed at all costs, and no hate can prevent that. These natives possess a controlled image. Part of them wants to be known, more of them wants to be unknown, or at the very least, they wish to control what you do see of them. They are often obsessed with power, their own and that of others. Gaining power, losing power, reducing someone else’s power, etc. Feels most empowered when they are in control. Needs to feel like the boss or the one running the show/pulling the strings. Needs to feel like an authority figure.
Often is very close to a mentor or father-like figure that tends to be older and wiser, often in the field of business or coaching. May manufacture an enigmatic personality or genuinely have one but hide behind it for privacy or safety purposes. Fearful of being anyone’s puppet. Doesn’t want to give their power away. Fears being controlled by others and retaliates when they feel dictated to or controlled. Their relationships are often high-stakes, high drama, and emotionally demanding. May be addicted to toxic people—drama and chaos, especially of the emotional kind, and power struggles give them a rush, though, they may deny this and claim they hate drama and toxicity. Can be manipulated or abused in relationships, or they themselves can abuse their power, especially if they are abusing a substance or easily influenced at the time. Often in crisis. These natives tend to have deep, penetrating gazes and luminous eyes. For as much as they value privacy, when they do inevitably have a fall from grace, it is often painfully, visibly made public, quite to their embarrassment, and all their secrets are “exposed.” Most of them try to get ahead of potential scandals or involuntary public releases about them by self-disclosing embarrassing, scandalous information or personally divulging their secrets and “exposing” themselves so they get ahead of the story and don’t become the story, so they control the narrative. Control is really important to them—not just the illusion of it but the actual concept of being able to take action or determine the course of an event without being dictated by it. They often disappear and reappear in the public eye at will. These are not the type of people to go make an apology on the notes app when they do something the public doesn’t like. They will address their actions when they feel like it and if they feel like it and only if they do feel like it, always on their own terms. And they don’t apologize unless they mean it, so don’t expect to see them putting out disingenuous statements. They always have their guard up because they are weary of being hurt and they’re used to going through unsettling situations. Have dry humor and strong physical/sexual hungers/appetites/lusts; may be shady at times. Have dealt with a lot of trauma in their lives, for many early on, in their childhood. May succumb to their deepest, innermost fears if not careful. May suffer from intense paranoia—always suspicious of loved ones. Fear of being [double-]crossed or backstabbed. May have a difficult time forgiving or understanding people who turn their back on them. A sense of mystery surrounds them. Time does not heal their pain. Struggle feeling isolated and alone but needs lots of alone time and goes through periods where they shut themselves off from everybody and go ghost for a while, typically to recover from private battles, or draw back/recover strength from life. Acutely aware of their own mortality. Recovery to them looks like healing. They often call this—healing—surviving.
Resolute, assertive individuals. Can contradict themselves at times. A web of contradictions emerge when specifically attempting to define who they are. Struggles to feel healthy emotions, easily overpowered by their own excess emotional energy. Can feel dead inside sometimes. Often secretly struggles with addiction, past trauma (including in some cases sexual or emotional or physical abuse, depending on other factors, as well), and suicidal ideation. Frequently possesses a low mood or bleak outlook on life. Struggles to keep positive. Finds enlightenment in the most unexpected, unusual places. Often finds God or the spiritual equivalent after some tragedy—doesn’t have to be a near-death experience—or after hitting rock bottom, however they define it—this may be losing the love of their life, being fired from their job, being publicly ousted or held accountable for some moral breach, being sued, being accused of alleged wrongdoing, true or false, etc. They nearly have to lose everything—or what is most important to them—to come to some great epiphany or startling realization and make drastic changes in their life. Sometimes, they may wait until it’s too late. Difficult to decipher. Subject to varying moods, sulking, and general somber periods. Some natives may have a morbid fascination (curiosity) with their own death, or on the opposite side, a healthy fear of it. May struggle to have/develop/facilitate a healthy relationship, not only with others, but with themselves. Good judge of character, but can be blinded by infatuation or blind trust at times. When they fall, they fall hard. Very intuitive and sensitive, perceptive individuals. Self-transformation often comes at the cost of something they want, including their selves. Sometimes, it’s as though parts of them have to die in order for more of them to live. Often very powerful, secretive individuals who come to amass much power in life, but can just as easily lose it. Overwhelmingly strong survival instinct. A need to conquer, to be the best, and to win. Dominant personalities. Difficult to know, not difficult to love. Tend to have many secret admirers and enemies, and are feverishly wanted or desired by those who can’t or shouldn’t have, want, or want to have them. Besides having a magnetic gaze, these natives often have an intriguing, possibly even sexual aura that either strongly repels or attracts others. After a breakup, can be demonized or made the villain by past vengeful partners, especially if there were sordid affairs or the native was unfaithful.
#astrology#zodiac#pluto#pluto in the houses#1st house#12th house#astro notes#astrology notes#astrology observations#my post#personal#text#n#me#my words#mine#how i feel#pluto conjunct ascendant#aspects
623 notes
·
View notes
Text
Seven Important Benefits of Journaling
Journals are things that typically are associated with adolescence. After all, many of us likely kept a diary or journal where we documented our feelings, thoughts, and dreams. However, this is a habit we likely put away as we got older. People often do not associate journaling with part of being an adult. Thus, it might surprise you that there are many benefits to journaling.
Journaling is something that many therapists use as a method to help their clients. In fact, I am a clinical psychologist who uses journaling as a major tool to assist my clients in learning to overcome a variety of issues including a history of toxic relationships, past trauma, poor self-confidence, feelings of low self-worth, or a lack of purpose. In fact, I created a customized therapeutic journal called, Finding Your Voice: A Guided Journal to Mental Clarity that contains 49 days of clinical journaling prompts aimed to help individuals incorporate journaling into their lives with ease.
With journaling being a tool frequently used to help people in mental health settings, let’s take a moment and reflect upon seven of the most important benefits of journaling.
Healing
As could be assumed given the frequency with which the practice is recommended, journaling can be a powerful tool to help individuals begin to heal from past trauma. Research has shown that journaling helps to remove emotional blockages.
Why is journaling effective in promoting healing? As people, we tend to view many of our experiences through language. However, too often negative situations are not processed. Writing down our thoughts can serve to help translate an experience in a manner that makes it more understandable, helping us to begin to process our emotions and feelings.
Reduced Stress
We all understand the many ways that stress can negatively impact our lives. Research has also shown that journaling can significantly reduce levels of stress as well as symptoms of anxiety. In fact, writing for only 15 minutes a few times a week was shown to lower blood pressure after only four months.
Many people decide to incorporate journaling as a component of a pre-bedtime ritual in order to de-stress before going to sleep. One of the most surprising things that people tend to realize when they begin practicing journaling is that writing about stressful experiences can actually help reduce stress, helping you begin to manage your feelings in a healthy way.
Improves Communication Skills
While journaling is a method of communicating to one’s self, it serves to help improve overall communication abilities. We all know that communication is critical for all of our relationships in life. This benefit can lead to improvements manifested in many aspects of our lives.
Our written communication and our verbal communication are linked fairly strongly. Thus, as we write more and improve our ability to express ourselves in a healthy manner in writing, many of these lessons naturally enter into our ability to communicate verbally as well.
Improve Memory
You may have heard that writing things down makes it more likely that you will remember to do them. Additionally, during school, you may have found that copying your notes helped you better retain material. This is because there is a link between writing something down and translating it to long-term memory.
However, as it turns out, there is also a strong relationship between writing and memory in general. As we journal, our mind works to compose and edit ideas. This builds new neural connections which impact the ability to have a better memory overall.
Greater Self-Confidence
Guided journaling was particularly found to be able to enhance our feelings of self-worth. In situations like this, people are asked to write about a positive experience or a situation where they are proud of themselves. These types of journaling activities have been shown to actually stimulate the release of endorphins such as dopamine, which temporarily boost your mood.
However, engaging in writing about positive memories and situations can be an effective method of building confidence, reaffirming our abilities by reflecting upon successes, and gradually reducing the incidence of self-doubt and imposter syndrome. Note that this is a gradual effect and will tend to manifest over repetitive journaling.
Leveraging Emotional Intelligence
Emotional Intelligence is a multi-faceted concept that involves things such as having empathy, understanding the needs of others, recognizing our own emotions, and dealing with emotions in a healthy manner. Journaling is an excellent method of processing emotions. In fact, putting our thoughts and feelings from pen to paper is a great way of better understanding ourselves in general.
As people journal for a longer and longer time, they will become much more aware of their own emotions. They will also be able to effectively reflect on their own feelings and more intuitively relate to the experiences of others. These are critical skills for emotional intelligence that will help to create deeper interpersonal relationships as well as a deeper understanding of self.
Strengthens Self-Discipline
When you think about writing in a journal, you probably don’t think about self-discipline. After all, journaling is all about enhancing your ability to express yourself. However, the self-discipline comes into play when you repetitively make time to journal. Creating a habit and reinforcing it will make the habit stronger. As you continue to journal, you will be more likely to keep it as a part of your life.
Improving self-discipline can also have a positive impact on many other areas of life. For example, self-discipline in writing can manifest itself as greater self-discipline in other things as well. Strengthening self-discipline in one area can lead to seeing better follow-through in many other areas of life.
Click here to get about more info :- Personal Life Coaching Services online
Final Thoughts
As you can see, journaling has many important benefits. Many of these benefits relate directly to our own health and well-being. It is not surprising that journaling is a technique often using by psychologists and therapists to assist their clients. It is important to note that these seven things are not the only benefits of journaling. In fact, there are dozens of other benefits that have been shown to come from engaging in the practice.
If you want to take up journaling to help access some of these benefits, it is a rather easy thing to engage in. Typically, people will set aside 10 – 15 minutes a few times each week or even daily in a quiet, distraction-free environment to engage in journaling. While journaling can take many forms, some of the most useful methods include guided journaling by responding to prompts. This was one of the reasons that I created my first journaling guide in order to help provide others with the important benefits received by her clients.
To get about more info :- assessment for emotional support animal
For those who would like to further learn about how to enhance their quality of life, recover from past trauma, and build self-worth, I also wrote a book that the journal is derived from called From the Voice of a Fractured Mind: Speak Loud! It is an excellent, easy to read personal development book with many applicable life lessons. For those wanting to move from journaling to a more comprehensive effort at self-improvement, this semi-autobiographical book uses lessons from my own life to help you overcome six common self-defeating beliefs.
1 note
·
View note
Text
GLOBALIZATION
tips
Fifty two tips to enjoy life
Assume the best in others
The people around me have good intentions,they are operating the best of their ability,and they mean no harm,dont assume others;
Talk to yourself nicely as you would talk to a friend
Talk to yourself as you would talk to your best friend
Focus on your faith
Do a prayer every day;
Spend time with people who Build you up
They are supportive,find them and stick to them,dont surround yourself with negative people
Be yourself-allow to be the person that is created,surround myself with those who love me,
Look at your failures as the fertile ground your future successes will grow in-lwarn from failures
Give your dream a chance and go for it-dont let away dream,start making plans to achieve it,write my vision,find people who can help me
Change one habit at a time for long-term success-do baby steps,dont try to change everything all at once
Let go of toxic relationships-let go out of unhealthy relationships
Be open to new friends-find and invest in new friends
Practice being grateful every day-three things that i am grateful for,set a tone for a great tomorrow
Focus on how far you have gone-celebrate baby steps,
Turn off the TV and get a hobby-do something you love,take up photography,plant an herb garden,learn archery,do what you love
Get outside and get some fresh air-to reduce stress go out
Complain less-today complain less
Overcome fear and anxiety by identifying my level of control-identify real concerns,release what is out of my control
Dont be a victim-daily change my perspective
Make the decision to be happy-take actions
Forgive those who have hurt you-forgiveness
Nourish the relationships I want to flourish-good relationships
Tell imposter syndrome that I am the real deal-be aware,take its power of affection
Get the help I need-move forward to my dreams
Be someone who is always learning-leaders are learners
Overcome the tendency to self-sabotage-take the course,work step-by-step,do it even if its scary
Let myself rest- sabbath
Get a back up brain-dont worry,write everything somewhere
Learn to let your values drive your choices-leave life without beliefs that leads to happiness
Develop a zero tolerance policy for drama-dont think about other people
Have a framework for making smart decisions-get a course
Think in terms of a growth mindset-dont limit your potential by not recognizing it;
Learn to accept your looks and your body-challenge myself to give up hating on my appearance for one week;
Allow myself to not be cool-to be my awesome self
Celebrate that your life isnt a pinterest board-real life is awesome
Give myself permission to disappoint others-accept that you will disappointed and will disappoint people;
Devote time daily things that bring me the most joy-build in time
Focus on find win-win solutions-learning to compromise ,and truly working to reach the best possible
Outsource and automate the little thing in my life that i dont enjoy-do the best things;
Identify my people-find good people and make them trusted advisors
Make peace with unpredictability- learn to go with the flow;
Define my personal boundaries and defend them-setting boundaries
Get enough sleep-not 5 hours
Focus on how I am making the world a better place-acr on it;
Start out the right track the night before-dedicate five minutes or ten every evening to save time in the morning
Remember that feelings arent facts-see things with fresh eyes
Set yourself up for happy surprises-little surprises
Dont insist on the best all the time-dont brake your heart this day
Get some exercise
Practice smiling
Let myself love anyway-love anyway and forgive people
Know what real success looks like
Notice the perfect even in the imperfect-practice,celebrate the good things;
0 notes
Text
Free Download Everything is Figureoutable audiobook Book by Marie Forleo
[Audio Books] Everything is Figureoutable audiobook by Marie Forleo
INSTANT #1 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER
'This book will change lives.' --Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love
From the host of the award-winning MarieTV and The Marie Forleo Podcast, an indispensable handbook for becoming the creative force of your own life.
While most self-help books offer quick fixes, Everything is Figureoutable will retrain your brain to think more creatively and positively in the face of setbacks. In the words of Cheryl Strayed, it's 'a must-read for anyone who wants to face their fears, fulfill their dreams, and find a better way forward.'
If you're having trouble solving a problem or reaching a dream, the problem isn't you. It's that you haven't yet installed the one belief that changes everything.
Marie's mom once told her, 'Nothing in life is that complicated. You can do whatever you set your mind to if you roll up your sleeves. Everything is figureoutable.'
Whether you want to leave a dead end job, break an addiction, learn to dance, heal a relationship, or grow a business, Everything is Figureoutable will show you how.
You'll learn:
• The habit that makes it 42% more likely you'll achieve your goals. • How to overcome a lack of time and money. • How to deal with criticism and imposter syndrome.
It's more than just a fun phrase to say. It's a philosophy of relentless optimism. A mindset. A mantra. A conviction.
Most important, it's about to make you unstoppable.
Free Download Everything is Figureoutable audiobook by (Marie Forleo)
Duration: 7 hours, 55 minutes
Writer: Marie Forleo
Publisher: Penguin Audio
Narrators: Marie Forleo
Genres: Marie Forleo
Rating: 4.46
Narrator Rating: 4.5
Publication: Sunday, 01 September 2019
Everything is Figureoutable audiobook Reviews
Anonymous
Great motivational book
Rating: 5
Similar Audio Books
Unshakeable: Your Financial Freedom Playbook
Original Author: Peter Mallouk,Tony Robbins
Zero Limits: The Secret Hawaiian System for Wealth, Health, Peace, and More
Original Author: Ihaleakaia Hew Len,Joe Vitale
TenX Rule: The Only Difference Between Success and Failure
Original Author: Grant Cardone
Girl, Stop Apologizing: A Shame-Free Plan for Embracing and Achieving Your Goals
Original Author: Rachel Hollis
Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead
Original Author: Brené Brown
Get Out of Your Own Way: A Skeptic's Guide to Growth and Fulfillment
Original Author: Dave Hollis
Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life
Original Author: Mark Manson
Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts.
Original Author: Brené Brown
Best Self: Be You, Only Better
Original Author: Mike Bayer
It Takes What It Takes: How to Think Neutrally and Gain Control of Your Life
Original Author: Andy Staples,Trevor Moawad
Girl, Wash Your Face: Stop Believing the Lies About Who You Are so You Can Become Who You Were Meant to Be
Original Author: Rachel Hollis
MONEY Master the Game: 7 Simple Steps to Financial Freedom
Original Author: Tony Robbins
One Minute Millionaire: The Enlightened Way to Wealth
Original Author: Robert G. Allen,Mark Victor Hansen
Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear
Original Author: Elizabeth Gilbert
You Are a Badass at Making Money: Master the Mindset of Wealth
Original Author: Jen Sincero
Mindset: The New Psychology of Success
Original Author: Carol S. Dweck
Rich Dad Poor Dad: What The Rich Teach Their Kids About Money - That the Poor and Middle Class Do Not!
Original Author: Robert T. Kiyosaki
Crushing It!: How Great Entrepreneurs Build Their Business and Influence-and How You Can, Too
Original Author: Gary Vaynerchuk
Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones
Original Author: James Clear
5 AM Club: Own Your Morning. Elevate Your Life.
Original Author: Robin Sharma
Exactly What to Say for Real Estate Agents
Original Author: Jimmy Mackin,Phil M. Jones,Chris Smith
Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment
Original Author: Eckhart Tolle
Go-Giver: A Little Story About a Powerful Business Idea
Original Author: John Mann,Bob Burg
Unfu*k Yourself: Get Out of Your Head and into Your Life
Original Author: Gary John Bishop
Start with Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Take Action
Original Author: Simon Sinek
0 notes
Text
Character Survey (Updated Oct ‘17)
BASIC INFORMATION
FULL NAME: Beau Jayson Stoker MEANING: The French word for ‘beautiful’. REASONING: Named for his father. NICKNAME(S): Smoker. Either because he smokes, his hair is the colour of cigarette ash, or his facility to wreck technology. PREFERRED NAME(S): Just Beau. BIRTH DATE: November 13th. AGE: 18 ZODIAC: Scorpio GENDER: Male PRONOUNS: He/him ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: Gay SEXUAL ORIENTATION: See above. NATIONALITY: American ETHNICITY: Caucasian CURRENT LOCATION: Oakes University, Colorado LIVING CONDITIONS: Currently living in a dormitory in Oakes University as he’s studying in their Hero Certification Program. TITLE(S): None.
BACKGROUND
BIRTH PLACE: Oak Ridge, Tenessee HOMETOWN: Same! SOCIAL CLASS: Working class and circling the drain due to circumstance. Blue collar EDUCATION LEVEL: High School. FATHER: ‘Gone.’ His mother refuses to be drawn further. MOTHER: Raised Beau single-handedly while working as a mechanic. SIBLING(S): None. BIRTH ORDER: N/A CHILDREN: None. PET(S): None. OTHER IMPORTANT RELATIVES: Naw. PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIPS: None. Some girls were drawn to him due to the ‘angry loner’ energy he exuded, but he managed to rebuff them. ARRESTS?: Mainly cautions for teenage mischief and intoxication PRISON TIME?: None
OCCUPATION & INCOME
PRIMARY SOURCE OF INCOME: None. He’s a student. SECONDARY SOURCE OF INCOME: N/A TERTIARY SOURCE(S) OF INCOME: N/A. APPROXIMATE AMOUNT PER YEAR: N/A CONTENT WITH THEIR JOB (OR LACK THEREOF)?: No. Now that he has his powers under control he’s aiming to be a hero, but if that doesn’t work out at least he can fall back on being a mechanic. PAST JOB(S): He used to help out his mom in the garage before his power became too uncontrollable. SPENDING HABITS: He’s never really had much spending money, and due to his uncontrollable power he never spent it on many luxuries. Mainly cheap beer and weed. MOST VALUABLE POSSESSION: A cross necklace given to him years ago by his mother.
SKILLS & ABILITIES
PHYSICAL STRENGTH: He’s well muscled from physical labour, but he hardly rates on superhuman levels. Gotten stronger and more flexible due to his intense training at the HCP. OFFENSE: He’s had more than his share of fistfights, but that’s all. He’s now incorporated more martial arts into his fighting style. DEFENSE: Again, he knows how to duck and weave. His training means he’s now more combat-aware. SPEED: He doesn’t get winded easily. Stronger and more agile than before. INTELLIGENCE: Largely average except when it comes to technology, where his powers provide him with savant-like ability. ACCURACY: He can throw a football and his fingers are nimble enough for engineering work AGILITY: …is not something he counts as a strength. Tumbling and parrying are now a part of his regimen. STAMINA: Human average. He is pretty tough and hardy, able to endure long-distance runs. TEAMWORK: Terra incognita for him presently - before he got to the HCP no-one wanted to work with him. Now he’s cautiously thinking about attempting to possibly start making a friend.He’s not yet learned through the HCP how to work as a team, but knows it’s something he’ll have to work on - his powers are very situation-specific. He is very loyal to the friends he has made though. TALENTS: He has an intuitive ability with technology that’s off the charts as well as the power to permanently destroy machines. SHORTCOMINGS: His experience of being treated like a leper most of his life combined with being closeted (and thus pushing people away in hopes they don’t discover his ‘secret’) he has severe issues with socialising.Now that he’s out and is dating, and more importantly to him he has some people he considers real friends, he’s overcome his social anxiety somewhat. However, it’s been identified that he has a very binary moral code, something of a double-edged sword in the Hero game. LANGUAGE(S) SPOKEN: Just English. DRIVE?: For sure. JUMP-STAR A CAR?: Yeah. Jump-start an aircraft carrier? Probably that too. CHANGE A FLAT TIRE?: Yes. RIDE A BICYCLE?: Yes. SWIM?: Competently. PLAY AN INSTRUMENT?: No, but he can sing a little. PLAY CHESS?: He understands the rules but he’s no good at it. BRAID HAIR?: Never had the circumstances to learn. TIE A TIE?: Definitely. His mama made sure he’s a gentleman. PICK A LOCK?: As easily as breathing.
PHYSICAL APPEARANCE & CHARACTERISTICS
FACE CLAIM: Jesy McKinney EYE COLOR: Brown HAIR COLOR: Dark, ranging from charcoal black to almost-white. HAIR TYPE/STYLE: Washed and then tamed by a meshback cap most days. He’s experimenting with a mohawk, now he feels a little more free to express himself. GLASSES/CONTACTS?: Nope DOMINANT HAND: Right. HEIGHT: 5′8″ WEIGHT: 200lbs. BUILD: Best described as ‘solid.’ EXERCISE HABITS: Exercise can be a solitary pursuit, so he definitely keeps himself in shape. He runs with his dorm-mates most mornings, as well as training hard in the HCP facilities. SKIN TONE: White bread, ranging to a farmer’s tan in the summer months. TATTOOS: None yet PIERCINGS: None MARKS/SCARS: A few, from brawls he’s been in. NOTABLE FEATURES: None that weren’t already covered. USUAL EXPRESSION: Sullen and closed-off. CLOTHING STYLE: For now, hard-wearing jeans, caps and leather jackets. He might start leaning towards more of a punk look now he has more freedom of expression. JEWELRY: Just a necklace from his mother. ALLERGIES: None. BODY TEMPERATURE: Average? DIET: He is happy to be able to eat anything. He’s not picky. PHYSICAL AILMENTS: None
PSYCHOLOGY
JUNG TYPE: ISTP JUNG SUBTYPE: SENSORY ISTP ENNEAGRAM TYPE: Challenger MORAL ALIGNMENT: On the classic D&D scale, Neutral Good TEMPERAMENT: Stoic ELEMENT: Earth PRIMARY INTELLIGENCE TYPE: Spatial Intelligence APPROXIMATE IQ: Average. MENTAL CONDITIONS/DISORDERS: Nothing clinical, but his socialisation is in the pits. SOCIABILITY: Low, but he deeply wants to be otherwise. Still not the life and soul of the party, but he likes spending time with his friends. EMOTIONAL STABILITY: Very quick to lash out at perceived slights. Working hard to get his temper under control - it tends to flare when ‘his people’ are threatened. OBSESSION(S): Cars and engineering. COMPULSION(S): None. PHOBIA(S): Snakes ADDICTION(S): Cigarettes DRUG USE: None. ALCOHOL USE: He’s partial to a beer or six. PRONE TO VIOLENCE?: He can handle himself, but he doesn’t enjoy being violent.
MANNERISMS
SPEECH STYLE: He’s a man of few words. ACCENT: Tennesee. QUIRKS: His fingers tend to fidget with things when he’s preoccupied. HOBBIES: Beyond cars and engines, he has a soft spot for Country and Gospel music, and he likes to sing. HABITS: None that haven’t been covered above. NERVOUS TICKS: Most have been channeled into a smoking habit. DRIVES/MOTIVATIONS: To make friends, and to prove that he and other powered people aren’t to be feared. He wants to be a champion for his boyfriend Alberto, and by extension other people in the LGBT community. He’s working on being nuanced about it, acknowledging that not everyone needs to have their battles fought for them. FEARS: He worries about his mother being left alone. POSITIVE TRAITS: He’s tenacious, and has a deep drive to do good. NEGATIVE TRAITS: A quick temper. SENSE OF HUMOR: Not terribly sophisticated (like most teenagers) but he’s not usually one to laugh at the misfortune of others or from anything that’s bigoted. DO THEY CURSE OFTEN?: Very. CATCHPHRASE(S): None
FAVORITES
ACTIVITY: Working on cars. ANIMAL: Dogs BEVERAGE: Beer BOOK: Not very good at picking books, but… Anything historical he’d enjoy. Non-fiction mainly, but fiction too. (Through historical inaccuracy might make him nerd rage.) CELEBRITY: Jason Statham. COLOR: Black. DESIGNER: Not really applicable. FOOD: Anything fried. FLOWER: Tulips are… nice? GEM: Rubies HOLIDAY: Christmas. It’s been tough for him not being able to go home for the holidays, but since Alberto’s folks have thrown him out he’s been determined to make his boyfriend’s holiday as special as he can manage. MODE OF TRANSPORTATION: Cars. MOVIE: Gone in 60 Seconds (the remake) MUSICAL ARTIST: Dolly Parton QUOTE/SAYING: “Anxiety is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind. If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained.” ― Arthur Roche SCENERY: Wide open spaces. SCENT: Petrol. SPORT: Not really, though he likes Pro Wrestling. SPORTS TEAM: None TELEVISION SHOW: Anything car related, shows like Orange County Choppers, Pimp My Ride, etc. WEATHER: Thunderstorms. VACATION DESTINATION: Orlando.
ATTITUDES
GREATEST DREAM: To have his own mechanic’s shop. GREATEST FEAR: That his mother will be disappointed in him for some reason. MOST AT EASE WHEN: Working on an engine, trying to solve a puzzle. LEAST AT EASE WHEN: Getting to know new people. WORST POSSIBLE THING THAT COULD HAPPEN: That he blows his one chance at making new friends. He’s so blissfully happy he worries about imposter syndrome, that people will see the ‘real’ him and abandon him. BIGGEST ACHIEVEMENT: Getting into the HCP, because it meant putting aside some of his fears. BIGGEST REGRET: All the times he let his temper get the better of him. MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT: All the times he was forced to reveal he hadn’t seen the latest movie, heard the hottest music, didn’t have the right cellphone (or any cellphone) BIGGEST SECRET: Being gay. Being in the HCP technically counts, but he feels that his new classmates won’t like him if they find out the former. Now that he’s out, his only worries are his secret identity and that he likes things that aren’t ‘cool’ - country music, WWE.
1 note
·
View note
Text
@pyrrhy so idk why but I got your ask about Lily-of-the-valley in a weird format (and never got notified) and then tumblr mobile ate it when I went to answer it bc it's a friggin garbage app. Lucky me tho I wrote the numbers down so here's the answers :D (some of these I also answer for Max, and a few others) Lily-of-the-Valley is a half orc paladin who likes animals more than people and has infinite patience. She's part of a campaign we sometimes run when we're down a person. 2. Do they have any daily rituals? Lily prays every morning, just a short little 5 minute thing, more out of habit from when she was in training. Also she has breakfast with her dog, and puts her hair into complicated braids. She was an angry child, abandoned at birth at a monastery, and the monks taught her how to keep her hands busy doing something useful, instead of destructive. She's still angry as an adult, but she's got a better handle on it. Pi (75 year old male cleric to Persephone) also prays every morning, but it's more like an extended meditation. He also runs a mile or so every day, and tries to make AT LEAST one terrible dad joke every day. 7. Favorite way to waste time and feelings surrounding wasting time. Lily is twitchy and can't sit still, wasting time is not something that sits well with her. When she hasn't got a specific thing she's supposed to be doing, she'll go find something that needs done. Sometimes that means cutting wood for neighbors. Sometimes that means taking her giant slobbery warhound around town to be swarmed by children (the dog is a giant baby who loves attention) while she eyeballs local pet shops. Tu'an will happily go get day drunk and pick a fight in a dive bar. In her opinion no time is wasted is you enjoyed wasting it. 15. Biggest and smallest short term goal? Lily's biggest short term goal is to befriend a dragon. Her smallest short term goal is to get a bird friend. Max's current biggest short term goal is to not die, as they've found themselves in something of a pickle. Their smallest short term goal is to hopefully remain sane while not dying. Max worries me. 27. What is their biggest regret? Lily's regrets have less to do it her personally and more to do with the world at large. She regrets that she isn't capable of affecting more change on her own. She regrets how violent the world has made her be. She regrets that there is no way to pet every dog in the whole world. Hazel's biggest regret is that she never got say goodbye to her mom. Tu'an's biggest regret is that Grevenia isn't a smoldering ruin. 31. Most prized possession? While she doesn't really approve of calling them 'possessions' bc they're living things, her dog, and her horse, are the most precious prized things she keeps. Max's most prized possession is a locket with a trick lock. What's inside? They don't think that's any of your business. Piebald (a gnomeish pirate tinkerer with vitiligo who builds canons for Moira) built a big canon he named Loudmouth. It's currently still being tweaked but it's 3 times as powerful as the ones currently installed on the ship and is shaping up to be truly terrifying. 36. What makes them feel guilty? Lily feels guilty about her whole existence, since she was obviously unwanted. She channels that guilt into an almost obsessive need to make things around her more orderly and just... better. She wants to prove that she's worth something, that her birth wasn't a mistake. Arusha feels guilty when she realizes people like her, bc she's got serious Imposter Syndrome, she feels like she tricked them into thinking she's something she's not. 39. What recharges them when they’re feeling drained? For Lily, getting away from people and spending time with her dog. For Amris (half elven druid/monk who ran away from a reclusive militant cult) spending time getting her hands dirty planting things. The city she's in right now has seen a marked uptick in random plants (wildflowers, corn, bean sprouts, poison ivy, etc.) just... sprouting up overnight in the strangest areas. 47. If they were to fall in love, who (or what) is their ideal? Lily hasn't got time for love she's very busy. She falls somewhere on the aro scale, either demi romantic or gray romantic. Max is pansexual and they are a giant nerd who would want to either sweep someone off their feet, or BE swept off their feet. They idolize the kinds of sweeping romantic tales where there are passionate declarations of love, and thrilling obstacles to be overcome, and banter. They love banter. Of utmost importance to them is loyalty- (this does not necessarily mean monogamy), that the other person is just as dedicated and supportive and honest as they are. Tu'an likes smol angry people, she thinks they're both adorable AND deadly, which is the perfect combination. Amris is So Gay someone please help her she is Overcome every time she sees a pretty girl, tho tbh given her life to this point her ideal romance is just. Someone who is nice to her. And in no way connected to her former life.
#hey thanks for the asks even if tumblr mobile is a giant sack of butts#plz enjoy some of my disaster children#it feels weird calling Pi one of my children since he's like... a senior citizen#my players call him Problem Dad
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
9 Ways to Deal With Imposter Syndrome Before It Hinders Your Success
“I got lucky.” “I don’t belong here.” “I’m a fraud, and it’s just a matter of time before everyone finds out.” Sound familiar? Most of us have experienced feelings of doubt and unworthiness at some point in our lives. But when your accomplishments are a result of your own knowledge, hard work, and preparation and you still feel inadequate … you’re probably suffering from impostor syndrome.
People who suffer from this syndrome often feel like frauds — despite being smart, skilled, capable professionals who actually deserve whatever commendations and praise they’re given. Rather than celebrating their accomplishments, they worry that they’ve somehow tricked people into thinking they’re good enough. As a result, they live in fear of being “found out” or “exposed.” Impostor syndrome is actually fairly common: Researchers believe that up to 70% of people have suffered from it at one point or another. But that doesn’t make it any less damaging to a person’s confidence and career growth. So if you feel like you’re suffering from impostor syndrome or something like it, know that there are ways to curb these feelings in a healthy, proactive way. Here are 11 tips to help you get started. 9 Tips for Coping With Impostor Syndrome 1. Know the signs. We often overlook the signs of impostor syndrome that come up in our day-to-day lives. However, recognizing these signs is the first step toward overcoming them. You might suffer from impostor syndrome if: You feel like you “got lucky” when you actually prepared well and worked hard. You find it hard to accept praise. You apologize for yourself when you didn’t actually do something wrong. You hold yourself to incredibly — sometimes impossibly — high standards. You find the fear of failure paralyzing. You avoid expressing confidence because you think people will see it as overcompensating or obnoxious. You’re convinced you’re not enough. Pay attention to your language choices, both when you’re talking to other people and when you’re talking to yourself — especially when it comes to talking about work. If you find your own success or the praise others give you uncomfortable, do some reflective thinking on where those types of thoughts came from and what it means in your professional life. 2. Know you’re not alone. When you have impostor syndrome, some of the most important encouragement comes from realizing how many hugely successful people, both male and female, have built amazing careers even while regularly coping with it. Which highly accomplished people have spoken about their impostor syndrome? Here are some quotes from The New York Times and Forbes: “I have written eleven books, but each time I think, ‘uh oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on everybody, and they’re going to find me out.'” – Author, Poet & Civil Rights Activist Maya Angelou:
All I can see is everything I’m doing wrong that is a sham and a fraud.”
“All I can see is everything I’m doing wrong that is a sham and a fraud.” Actor Don Cheadle “The beauty of the impostor syndrome is you vacillate between extreme egomania and a complete feeling of: ‘I’m a fraud! Oh God, they’re on to me! I’m a fraud!’ So you just try to ride the egomania when it comes and enjoy it, and then slide through the idea of fraud.” – Actress, Writer & Producer Tina Fey, from her book Bossypants 3. Distinguish humility and fear. There’s taking humility in your hard work and accomplishments, and then there’s feeling overcome with fear because of them. Sometimes, simply being good at something can cause is to discount its value. But as Carl Richards wrote in a New York Times article, “After spending a lot of time fine-tuning our ability, isn’t it sort of the point for our skill to look and feel natural?” It all boils down to feeling unworthy. I like how Seth Godin put it in a blog post: “When you feel unworthy, any kind response, positive feedback or reward feels like a trick, a scam, the luck of the draw.” But it is possible to feel worthy without feeling entitled, and overcoming impostor syndrome is all about finding a healthy balance between the two. Godin goes on to write, “Humility and worthiness have nothing at all to do with defending our territory. We don’t have to feel like a fraud to also be gracious, open or humble.” 4. Let go of your inner perfectionist. I recently wrote about how perfectionism, while helpful in certain contexts, can be a major roadblock for productivity. Turns out it can be a major roadblock for overcoming impostor syndrome, too. Many people who suffer from impostor syndrome are high achievers; people who set extremely high standards for themselves and are committed to doing their best and being the best. But perfectionism only feeds into your impostor syndrome. When you feel like a fraud, it’s usually because you’re comparing yourself to some *perfect* outcome that’s either impossible or unrealistic. Not only can no one do everything perfectly, but holding yourself to that standard can actually be super counterproductive. At some point, you need to take a step back and ask yourself: When is good enough good enough? Read this blog post to see what a formula for “good enough” might look like. And if you need further encouragement, read this article from The Guardian. Bottom line? While striving for perfection is certainly noble, it’s usually not realistic — and often, it’s counterproductive and will only make you feel more like a fraud. 5. Be kind to yourself. “Take the pressure off yourself and stop trying to be the expert on day one.” advises HubSpot marketing manager Jennifer Stafancik. Impostor syndrome often manifests itself as a voice in our heads, berating us with negative messages like “you’re not smart enough” or “you’re a fraud.” Negative self-talk is a bad habit, and it can heavily influence our stress and anxiety levels. “Being kind to yourself” simply means changing the way you talk to yourself in your head by practicing positive self-talk. Not only can it help you become less stress and anxious, but it can also help you build the courage to do things that’ll bring you greater rewards. Maria Klawe, the president of Harvey Mudd College, suffered from what she called “impostoritis” for most of her career. While she found it hard to silence the negative thoughts completely, she practiced hard to add positive thoughts to her inner voice. “Now I wake up most days with a voice on the left side of my head telling me what an incredible failure I am,” she wrote. “But the voice on the right side tells me that I can change the world — and I try to pay more attention to it.” First, try to catch yourself whenever you have a negative thought. Then, turn around and challenge your own claim. For example, if you find yourself thinking, “I just got lucky,” challenge that by thinking, “What steps did I take and what work did I put in to get to this point?” Then, you can answer your own question using affirmations, which are short, focused, positive statements about a goal you have. In this case, one might be as simple as, “I worked hard – and I always work hard.” “For me, I put a lot of pressure on myself when joining HubSpot since it was a lateral move, which ended up sparking imposter syndrome — something I honestly thought I was immune to.” Stefancik explains. “Once I realized there was no reason to rush and to give myself more realistic milestones the imposter syndrome symptoms started to melt away. Psychologists have found that repeating affirmations like this can improve stress and anxiety levels, perhaps because these positive statements build a bridge into your subconscious mind. 6. Track and measure your successes. When you feel like an impostor, one of the hardest things to grasp is how much of a role you have in your own successes. You might default them to luck or others’ hard work, when in fact, your own work, knowledge, and preparation had a lot to do with it. To help show yourself that you’re actually doing well, keep track of your wins in a private document. There are a lot of different ways to track these successes, and the metrics you use will depend entirely on your job. If you’re a blogger, you might keep track of your posts’ monthly average page views and watch them go up, or compare them to the team average. You might also keep a separate tab to paste kind words people have written to you via email, Twitter, blog comments, and so on. In the same vein as keeping track of your success metrics, keep a file on your computer of wins and positive reinforcement both at work and in your personal life. One of the best things I’ve done is created a folder on my personal Gmail account called “Happy,” where I’ve stored everything from my college acceptance email to praise from my colleagues and bosses. Whenever I need a lift, I open that Gmail folder and scroll through them. You can create an email folder for these emails like I did, or create something like a “swipe file” (i.e. a digital file) on your computer or phone to store screenshots of emails, tweets, dashboard metrics … whatever makes you feel good about your hard work and preparation. 7. Talk about it with a mentor and your manager. No one should suffer in silence. Sharing your thoughts and experiences with someone else will make you better equipped to deal with your impostor syndrome. We recommend sharing them with both a mentor and your direct manager. Your mentor will be able to help you talk candidly about your struggles with impostor syndrome, while giving you a more objective point of view — especially if they work on a different team or at a different company. When you share your experience with them, you might ask if they’ve ever felt that way, or if they know someone who has. The best mentors are forthcoming about the struggles they’ve gone through and the mistakes they’ve made in their careers, and you may find that they have some helpful stories or advice for how to deal with what you’re feeling. We’d also suggest that you talk with your direct manager about your experiences, too. Why? Because they’re more likely to have the knowledge and tools to help you overcome your impostor syndrome in the context of your current job. For example, you might ask them to help you find a system for tracking your successes, or figure out which metrics you should measure. Knowing what they know about both you and your role, they may also help you seek out more opportunities to shine and gain visibility on your team or at your company in general. Finding a mentor or manager to talk to is a strategy that Krystal Wu, HubSpot’s Social Media Community Manager highly recommends. “I’ve learned the best way to deal with imposter syndrome was to find a mentor to help guide me through my career choices,” Wu says. As an example, Wu reflects, “I was new to my social community role and to marketing and I wanted to do my best work but I didn’t know what that meant all the time.” “When I put myself out there to find people in roles similar to mine, attended events to learn more about my industry and learned from my mentor it helped me gain confidence in my career,” Wu explains. “The more confidence and education I had the more the imposter syndrome started to fade.” “I won’t say it’s completely gone — because let’s be real, I’m always learning,” Wu admits. “But it’s not something hanging over my head all the time. It comes and goes and I know that surrounding myself with people that are more knowledgeable in my field has helped me grown.” Speaking of opportunities … 8. Say “yes” to new opportunities. It’s impossible to say “yes” to everything, especially when you’re feeling stressed or spread thin. But it’s all too common for people who have impostor syndrome to turn down career-making opportunities because they don’t feel like they’d do a good job. When you’re presented with a new opportunity, it’s important to distinguish between the voice in your head saying you can’t do it because you’re not worthy and the one saying you can’t do it because you have too much on your plate. The former is your impostor syndrome speaking. But remember: Taking on challenging new work and doing well at it can open a lot of doors for you. Don’t let your inner impostor turn down these game-changing opportunities. They can do wonders to help you learn, grow, and advance your career. Keep Richard Branson’s famous quote in mind: “If someone offers you an amazing opportunity and you are not sure you can do it, say yes. Then learn how to do it later.” While it might be intimidating to take on a role you’re not sure you can succeed in, know that you were asked to do it for a reason, and there’s nothing wrong with learning new things and asking questions along the way. 9. Embrace the feeling, and use it. It’s really hard to get rid of impostor syndrome completely — especially if you’ve had it for years and years. The fact that hugely successful people like Maya Angelou and Don Cheadle feel that way after all they’ve accomplished is evidence that it can sometimes be a lifelong condition. That’s why the best angle from which to tackle your impostor syndrome isn’t getting rid of it completely; it’s stopping it from hindering your success. Taking on Imposter Syndrome I like the way Richards put it: “We know what the feeling is called. We know others suffer from it. We know a little bit about why we feel this way. And we now know how to handle it: Invite it in and remind ourselves why it’s here and what it means.” Richards says he’s been invited to speak about his work and career all over the world, and yet he still hasn’t been able to get rid of his impostor syndrome. What he has learned to do is think of it “as a friend.” Whenever he hears that negative voice in his head, he pauses for a minute, takes a deep breath, and says to himself, “Welcome back, old friend. I’m glad you’re here. Now, let’s get to work.” Editor’s Note: This blog post was originally published in January 2016, but was updated in March 2020 for comprehensiveness and freshness.
Source link
source https://www.kadobeclothing.store/9-ways-to-deal-with-imposter-syndrome-before-it-hinders-your-success/
0 notes
Text
Be Relentless, Be Obsessed
Forget about taking breaks. Days off are for the weak minded and even weaker willed. That’s literally my mantra, but it wasn’t always like that. People often ask me how I entered multiple unrelated industries with unrelated professional degrees and in a few years have found myself rubbing shoulders with some of the who’s who of Silicon Valley, sit down meetings with venture capitalists, angel investors, politicians, and generally astonishingly talented people.
It’s simple, not easy, but I worked my ass off, surrounded myself with people who are way more intelligent and capable at their skillset than I could ever dream of being, read copious amounts of books and spent literally thousands of hours researching every subject of interest obsessively and rarely sleeping more than 5hours over the course of many years. I will continue to focus on this process and as time continues will educate myself further, adding more tools and abilities, but more so than that, a better awareness of how to succeed and avoid failure.
You hustle, take opportunities, and work smarter and longer than others and you’ll find yourself quickly surrounded by those you once dreamed of meeting; only now, you are suddenly co-creating a new narrative with mentors, friends, and cofounders that share your drive.
Reality is that this was a multi year process, I spent the first year uncertain about my life direction after leaving what could have become a lucrative field in medicine, but after talking with those closest to me, professors, and even deans of medical schools it made sense to change directions.
It’s taken me a while but I’ve learned to find out those professionals and industry leaders and ask for their advice, their success alone gives credence to their input. Now I do my best to find a way to communicate with them on the same frequency and feel the same confidence and social calibration with them in any situation and let go of any sense of imposter syndrome.
The next two years were a process of refining away all the unnecessary bullshit one accumulates from a life of self limitations and social programming, a shedding of the self, and eventual rebirth with a new identities and much more refined and well rooted self-esteem borne out of ruthless effort. The following year had been one of putting it all to the test and creating something useful out of my passions, talents, and natural desires. How to get there?
Step 1: Get to work. Any job to survive so long as you are in the right city with the right opportunities and people around you, that’s one of the greatest secrets to success that very few people take advantage of which is to do a side hustle or work another full time job while pursuing your passion and interests.
Step 2: Ignore other people’s foolish advice about what they suggest you should do as a profession, even if they claim to care deeply about you and ‘want only the best,’ for you. They are all wrong, nobody’s experiences are the same, nor are their desired passions, mine included, in fact after you read this article, which you should approach with healthy skepticism if you haven’t actually gone through your own struggles, I’d recommend you discard all this as anecdotal and get back to work and keep hustling til you’ve actually made it.
Step 3: Find a way to immerse yourself with the type of people you emulate and eventually want to work with.
For me that opportunity came in the form of being quite literally one of the first ride-share drivers and community organizers in the world, creating themed vehicles while working alongside early management to refine what ride-sharing even meant in San Francisco. It was not a glorious side job when you thought about it, since I worked with the intent goal of collecting 2,000 business cards.
The biggest perk, flexibility, and enough side money to start my own home-share rental business and comfortably survive and a habit I kept every single weekend in the city for nearly 30 months, not so much for earning but instead to literally meet tens of thousands of people and understand the nuances of what they did and getting access to the most brilliant minds to crowd-source solutions to problems while consulting on startups and building teams on my own.
The irony, I wasn’t the only one, dozens of friends would ‘uber-proof’ their ideas and pitches, even meet investors during the early days when early adopters were in fact the tech and financial elite looking to escape the inflexibility of taxis.
My only reprieve from this crushing consistency came in the sense of taking adventurous trips abroad to further explore who I was becoming on this journey. Over the course of years I expanded out to home-sharing communities and helping manage large scale platforms and talked to everyone, but most importantly, did my best to listen, and in doing so, got to know the city and how it’s people think and operate in the most intimate way, to learn about the underpinnings of society and how successes are made and lost all from an outsider’s perspective.
The first summer in San Francisco I left one relationship only to fall into one that was probably not the best decision given my living and work situation but provided incredibly valuable lessons and coincided with the tragic loss of the man who made one of the greatest impact in raising me to be a man; this experience provided an innumerable number of life lessons and valuable insights and thankfully many positive memories that paralleled just as many struggles.
Here’s the thing, I do not regret it at all, all of the struggles made me into a much more well rounded person and showed me that money and time are utilities, sources of energy that can be spent or created depending on how you position yourself and can either destroy or create a sense of purpose and urgency.
When you begin to forge a new life you will always be faced with setbacks, that’s just how it is, it’s called ‘hard knocks’ but really it should be called “KO’s” because the lights may literally go out when you’re flat broke and sleeping out of your car because you’re trying to save every last penny in order to buy a better car to make money more efficiently and then eventually save enough to bootstrap your business.
Personally, I’ve find ways to leverage time to gain access to business opportunities by reducing time spent on myself through absolute minimalism. To me, you need to only buy what you can afford, but on top of that, you must be a person of value and create value so that others can pay you way more than you can spend, it’s that simple really. Be someone of value. It’s simple, but it’s not easy, since the vast majority of people aren’t focused on creating something valuable and contributing to society, you have to fight whatever resistance you incur and overcome obstacles with the same desire to breathe. What I’m saying is, work hard, work smart, stay positive, and never, ever, no matter how crappy things get, forget what you really want and desire and how you are absolutely going to get it.
I often get told that I am demanding, overtly logical, and emotionally insensitive, the accolades of compliments go on and on, but I’m never told that I am ineffective or apathetic to making changes or facing hardships. I am always prepared to fight for what I believe in, which many times means living with the mindset of a warrior with purpose. In my daily life I try to purge out any weaknesses or inefficiencies as if they were a cancer, waiting to spread and metastasize and kill me; I have no time for dying, I’m here to maximize life and stick it out living, I’ve come too far and hopefully you feel the same way about your own future.
You want to get better, not worse with time, and that means practice, honing your craft; a relentless and obsessive force that drives you forward to success.
0 notes
Text
dear danny,
You started writing me the first week of July, just before the breakup. I was there for the whole thing - well, 4100km away - but still there. I saw the before, the middle and the ultimate end.
Before was when you didn't talk about him much and it didn't seem like he was a big part of your life. The middle was when you started telling me that things were going downhill. The end was, not when you broke up officially, but when you knew it was over.
I've watched a huge change over the last four months. You changed. I remember June Danny, who knew he had some problems but who seemed content with much of his life. Then I saw July Danny slowly realize what was coming. I like to think it was a bit like "waking up". You called it "putting [your] life on 'play' after being ‘paused’ so long".
I saw Paused Danny in the early weeks. And to be honest, looking back, I kind of felt you were on pause, even from across the continent.
I'm so glad I get to see you on 'play'. I like to think I helped a bit with that - not that one should rely on another person to be happy, and not that you couldn't have pressed play without me. I just hope I helped in some way.
You described feeling alone after the breakup, which, despite my constant internet presence, is understandable. You also said you didn't like how it ended - also understandable given the situation you were stuck in for a month.
But enough about him and you. I want to talk about me and you.
You write to me because you love writing to me and telling me everything, and I understand when I can and just listen when I can't. You say this is a quality you don't find in other friends.
Neither do I - it's taken me ten years of teaching Connor how to talk to me when I'm depressed. My therapist has taught me a lot about how to help others just by the way she talks and responds.
I think it's a rare quality to have someone understand and listen without judgement or suggestions for quick fixes is because humans are very judgemental and solution-oriented. This, I think, is a sociological phenomenon. But no need to get all philosophical.
My point here is that it takes a lot for people to learn how to overcome their social hard-wiring and realize how to actually communicate effectively and how to handle different people. If you’d met me 4 or 5 years ago, I would’ve been uselessly dickish. But we learn.
And we are different. We're special and we're odd, like you wrote. Well, you wrote that I'm special. I just fixed that for you.
Another thing you wrote about was expectations and low self-esteem, which I think go hand-in-hand more than most people would realize.
See, when you have low self-esteem or social anxiety, one of your main concerns is that you're "not (good) enough". We believe that others have a certain set of expectations that "normal" or "good" people should meet up to. There definitely is some truth to that thanks to social structure (wearing clothes in public is an expectation that we all agree is good) but it doesn't go as far as we think.
My main worry, thanks to my parents, is "getting in trouble". I'm afraid that others' expectations are such that if I make a mistake or similar, that that will breach their set of expectations of me.
But that's usually just not true. Most people, myself included, have an understanding that nobody's perfect. I think this plays into perfectionism a lot - the perfectionist doesn't realize that nobody holds the set of expectations where they must be perfect at all times.
"Desire is the direct cause of human suffering" is a Buddhist concept I've turned over in my mind a lot. It definitely has a lot of truth in it, but there are obvious exceptions. Desiring your friend to succeed doesn't tend to bring about suffering.
I think "having expectations" is a form of desire that does cause suffering. So it became very easy for me to stop having them. In a similar vein to "aim low and avoid disappointment", but more zen. More like "aim low and be pleasantly surprised if something good happens, but don't expect it."
Low self-esteem is a big part of most of the fears and worries you talk about, too. "Am I even worth meeting?" Of course I'd say "fuck yes" but I know that doesn't make the visceral, instinctual worry disappear. All I can do is keep saying it till you believe it. Neuroplasticity, the concept that explains habits and thought patterns. Do something enough and your brain literally changes shape as you absorb it over and over. It's why we get trapped in our same thought patterns and worries, and it's also why I can't stop drinking.
I hate to keep vomiting quotations at you but one more: "Well you'll never find it/If you're looking for it" from Blue and Yellow by The Used (another song that makes me think of you actually).
Anyway, that concludes my ridiculously long segment on expectations. Join us next week for a philosophical breakdown of the meaning of life.
Let's jump elsewhere.
"I want to be my best self when we meet". You are. There is no "Ultimate Form of Danny" that exists. That person would be fluent in every language, be able to play every instrument and every sport. Humans can only do so much with the time we're given. Don't spend it trying to achieve Ultimate Danny. That's not to say we can't better ourselves and learn more, but if you get stuck on "being the best" it's easy to let the perfectionism and low self-esteem back in. Just be. That's how we grow naturally.
You talk a lot about how much you fear meeting me in person. I've beaten the horse to death but it's because of those non-existent expectations and the low self-esteem and the neuroplasticity that make our fears, and time that makes them grow.
Like you said, maybe you'll cry, maybe you'll freeze, maybe you'll feel exposed. And all those things are fine and not the end of the world. I'm still me in the flesh, the me you've grown to know and love just by text. Also keep in mind your own expectations building: if you build me up too much in your mind - I know you're afraid of disappointing me - but I'd be more likely to disappoint you.
That's why I know you won't disappoint me: I have no expectations and therefore no overwhelming fears. I do of course have low self-esteem, but I've learned so much about it over the years that I know now that it just stands in the way of life. I've learned not to stew on it but instead to acknowledge, "hey, maybe this thing you're afraid of is because of your low self-esteem and expectations from yourself and others?" It takes practice.
Let's talk about feelings~! Yours were confused pre- and post-breakup. You recognized that I was there for support, but I know exactly how confusingly and subtly feelings of "wanting more" from a good friend can creep up on you.
I can't remember if I've told you, but I used to think I was in love with Connor. I randomly came across the word "limerence" one day - an emotion that seems like love but is actually just extreme possessiveness and desperation. I didn't love him, I just possessively and desperately wanted him to return my feelings. It's very common for people with few relationships and bad parents to go through this, and some people never get over it (but, with a little help from our good friend therapy, I did). It's hard to describe but well worth the read of the Wikipedia page.
I say this because I want you to know that I really do understand how confusing feelings can be. While I (thought) I was in love the first time I saw him and did so for the next 12 years of my life, it crept up on me in that it got worse and worse. For a while after I got through it, it was extremely confusing to navigate how I felt about him. It took a while, but eventually I picked out the emotions: bitterness, rejection, platonic love and codependence. Once you can name them, you can trace them back to where they come from. Bitterness and rejection from him not returning my feelings, platonic love from being friends for so long, and codependence from the fact that he was the only person that I cared about for almost my whole life.
Anyway, sorry for that tangent. My point is that emotions suck.
And it segues into my next point of interest, "unresolved issues" that you mentioned. Once you were able to pick apart your feelings about Nic and about me, there were still more things to disassemble. Gender, living situations, the future. All these things are ongoing; it's hard to process things that are still in motion, so try not to get too hung up on them. Take things as they come. There's always time to analyse who we are and where we're going - so much so that we spend our entire lives trying to "resolve" these unresolvable "issues". ‘Tis the nature of life.
You feel fake, cynical, like you're pretending. I'm sure the term "Imposter syndrome" isn't new to you, but it's yet another part of low self-esteem. I also suffer from Imposter syndrome on the extreme end. So much so that I spent nearly my whole life trapped with the belief that "I'm not a real person". "Pretending to be fine" falls into this category a bit, along with the categories of "having expectations" and "social conditioning". I can't tell you how to fix this one, since I can't fix it for myself, but what's helped is having someone constantly challenging these feelings. Neuroplasticity takes care of the rest.
At the end of "August", you say you're excited and you want to quash your fears via rationality and logic. This works to an extent, but it's not the cure. For example, I /know/ I'm a living, breathing, thinking person, but I still /believe/ that I'm not. Logic and rationality have a hard time digging past what we "know" to affect what we "believe".
You almost didn't send "September". I'm glad you did, obviously. You told me why you wanted to talk to me and how, with the conclusion of "Folly", I piqued your interest. I never get messages about my stories so when I do, I always reply. I rarely give people I've never met my Facebook, but I didn't want to be rude; you'd sent me a lot of messages asking if I was okay and how I was doing, so I figured you'd earned it in a way, despite how weird that sounds.
I figured, like the last time I did give a reader my Facebook, I'd be stuck with someone filling up my feed with stuff from across the globe that I have no involvement or interest in. I already scroll through my feed weeding out the stupid memes and videos as it is; I only use it to keep track of what others are doing with their lives and how people from high school are doing. I never used the messenger much at all.
But much to my surprise, you actually wanted to talk to me and be friends and tell each other things. I'd never had an internet friend before so it was interesting to pick apart how I felt about it.
I guess at first I was kind of detached, the same way one might if one was in a Twitter argument: the internet makes everyone else feel almost anonymous or unreal. I found myself wishing several times that you too had a Tumblr full of your life stories that I could pour through to get to know you.
When I first met Ayla, that's how she got to know me. That's how you got to know me. It's also how I spent my first 2 therapy sessions - I brought in my Tumblr and my journals and watched her read them and then paid her 100$.
Because it works. It's like an instruction manual for how the person thinks, what they've been through, what they need help with. If you have all the background laid out, conversations become easier once talking actually starts.
So, thrown into a conversation with someone I've never met in real life or talked to with no background was... interesting. While I wished I could've just read everything about you, I got to experience it in real-time. That's how it works in real life for the most part, so it slowly made you feel more and more real to me, and matter more and more in my life.
You wrote that you thought we connected so well was due to lack of attention on your end. That our connection made you guilty at first, having your emotional needs met by someone who wasn't Nic.
I too actually felt guilty about it. I worried if I was being a sort of homewrecker. That, I think, right before you ended it with him, was when I started to fall for you. I have a bad habit of falling for close friends, but this was markedly different.
You mentioned the distance working in our favor, giving us the time and "safety" to get to know each other as friends. For me, it also worked because I knew I really fell for you as a person. Whenever I'd fall for friends in the past, the lack of distance was my biggest problem. I spent so much time around them that I grew almost obsessed or attached, kind of like with Connor. I guess with 4100km between us it felt more genuine. I talked to you every day, but I didn't see you, I wasn't physically there. I really don't know why I fall for friends easily, but actually being around them makes me think about them a lot, which makes me fall for them.
I thought about you a lot too, but I guess the fact that I could step away from the phone at any time to chill or think about something else was a form of my "safety wall". Please don't be insulted, I truly believe this is a big part of simply being introverted.
My absolute favourite part of your letters is "But nothing gets past Sam, right?" I laughed because that's usually true except in this case. Your non-platonic feelings whizzed over my head. I've actually wondered why you thought it was obvious - are you more subtle than you think or am I more imperceptive than I think? Probably the latter.
At the same time, I did have an inkling. You thought I was attractive and interesting, and the fact that we talked all day every day all made me think that it was possible you liked me. When you started talking about how hard it can be to talk about serious stuff and can I ask you an Important Serious Question, I pretty much knew what the next text would be. As I watched the little ellipses flash by as you typed, I got stupid happy and filled with butterflies. I hate that cliché but there's really no other way of expressing that sensation in English. Weird.
Anyway, when you first asked if I'd be against becoming more than just friends, I wasn't sure what to think. I'd never even had a super-long-distance friend before let alone a super-long-distance boyfriend. I told you the truth, "not necessarily", because I was still hung up on the distance.
But then I realized that it was the only thing I was hung up on.
I did an LDR with Ayla for seven months out of our ten together. And our breakup had nothing to do with the distance. Before things started going downhill, I was fine with the distance. I did, of course, wish I could've seen her more, but like I've believed from the start, emotional connection knows no time zone. And again, for me, emotional connection trumps all else in any relationship or friendship.
So once I thought about it, how it worked (on a smaller scale) in the past, I put that worry to bed. Then I had no other worries.
I'm generally not a worrier, though I used to be. I've thoroughly learned to accept things as they come and to let go of what I can't control. I accepted that we were a continent apart and that I can't control how you feel or how things would end up going.
That's not to say I haven't had my doubts, wondering, like you, if it's too soon after Nic, if it might ruin our friendship. But those seemed pretty insignificant to me; I've never let a romantic relationship ruin a friendship before and you seemed to have had some good self-reflection and recovery time. After all, you were the one to bring it up.
So then I was just excited and happy that you liked me how I liked you. I, too, am a fan of people who listen, don't judge and put in time and energy into a relationship. I too am mentally ill. I too have shitty parents. I too have terrible days. We were the same in a lot of important areas, and where we differed only made for good conversation and learning.
I'm not a particularly mushy person - at least not to the extent you are - so I have a hard time going on and on about how much I like you and want to see you like you seem able to do. Maybe it's another introvert thing.
But I too want what you want. I want you, your emotions, your face, your thoughts. I want to play piano for you and write long-ass posts about you.
You finished by bringing up the concept of overthinking. Again, not something I tend to do, but I know you definitely do. You mentioned a bunch of things you were worried about and then ask, "You'll say it's fine - then what?" To which I reply: nothing. Then we continue to be. Worries come and go, sometimes we dwell on them, sometimes we resolve them. It's only by either addressing what you can control or accepting what you can't that puts worries to bed – and, either way, usually not forever.
It is fine to overthink. It's not necessarily helpful, but it's a part of low self-esteem, mental illness, and even just part of life for some people.
I like you as you are. You are fine as you are. Being with someone means accepting their faults and still caring about them. We all have faults - worrying that we worry too much, overthinking, perfectionism - but I know that and still care about you. That's why I'm still here and will continue to be.
Finally, your last question: "What do you want?" I answered that a bit a few novels paragraphs ago, but I'll say it again: you. Everything about you. I want to be your Attractive Canadian Boyfriend and for you to be my Attractive American Boyfriend. I want us to fall in love and somehow end up at least in the same time zone. Fade to black.
I'm not complicated: I just want all you have to give.
Well, it’s not 20 pages, but it is 3500 words. I hope you enjoyed them.
Love Sam
(And Stay Greater, my Flamingo)
0 notes
Text
Power Portrait: Andrea Williams
Author’s Note: Andrea Williams has been a member of Unapologetically Powerful coaching since August of 2017 and while you can already see how warm-hearted and enthusiastic she is in the photo above, her strength and tenacity should not be underestimated. A trainer herself, Andrea embodies what Jen and I call our favorite motto, “Always be learnin.” She is a genuine and enthusiastic cheerleader for her fellow coaching members, with lifting chops to boot: she has added 40 pounds to her squat, 20 pounds to her bench press, and 20 pounds to her deadlift. I simply adore this woman and by the end of this profile, I know you will too.
Take it away, Dre!
First, the basics! Your name, age, and where you live.
I’m Andrea Williams, aka Dre to my friends and clients. I turn 42 on March 28 and I live in Littleton, Colorado, just southwest of Denver.
JVB: Let’s dig right into it: what does becoming Unapologetically Powerful mean to you?
I’ve always been a head-strong person, accomplishing pretty much anything I set my mind to. The past few years, as I’ve matured and become more and more comfortable with the woman I am, I’ve felt less and less shy about expressing my thoughts on what it means to be a strong woman, both physically and mentally.
JVB: Everyone’s entry to powerlifting is a bit different: how did you find yours?
2 years ago I had a wild-hair idea that I wanted to compete in powerlifting. Spontaneous moves are how I like to do things, but I still kept my head because the very first thing I did was seek out a coach. I worked with a local coach, learned the foundations of the big three and gained a bit of strength. But when the meet I had my eye on drew nearer, I had to eat some humble pie: my body was just not ready. My knee was sore and I didn’t have the confidence I needed to go in and perform well. I took some time off over the summer of 2016, and jumped into Unapologetically Powerful Coaching with JVB last fall. BEST DECISION EVER because now I feel more than capable and strong all over.
JVB: Think about where you started and where you are now: what did you find most helpful when learning how to powerlift?
JVB talks about the negative consequences of “energy leaks” while executing a lift, and that concept was life—and lift—altering for me. I had a habit of dancing with my feet when I set up for my squat and not grounding my feet to the floor took more stability away from the lift than I had previously considered. When JVB pointed it out and I focused on rooting my feet to the ground my squat took off. I also learned how a strong grip on the bar makes a big difference—wrap your thumb around the bar and squeeze the hell out of it! Those two small cues helped me move much more weight, much easier and quickly.
JVB: Let’s talk about challenges. What was your biggest hurdle when you first started powerlifting? How did you overcome it?
A valuable life lesson I’ve learned is that if I don’t know something, it’s OK to admit that and take advice and cues from someone who does. Years ago, (and the result of another wild-hair idea) I attempted my first triathlon. I decided to train myself—hey, I can swim, ride a bike, and run, so why not?—and I was an epic DNF failure on race day. (DNF=Did Not Finish.) After I licked my wounds and my ego recovered, I found a coach. “Teach me,” I asked.
When I decided to powerlift, I knew that working with heavy weight was no joke, and good coaching would be important.
I’m a personal trainer but I allowed myself to be putty in the hands of my coaches. I also really learned to listen to my body, particularly after I hurt both my knee and my back before joining the Unapologetically Powerful coaching program. The biofeedback aspect of the UP program taught me that it’s OK to rest or take my workout down a notch or two on a particular day, if my body isn’t feeling it (and to go harder when it is). I advocate for that to my clients all the time—even the trainer needs to be trained from time to time!
JVB: In just three words, describe how you feel after a powerlifting workout?
Badass. As. F$ck.
JVB: All three are awesome, but if you must pick from squat, bench, or deadlift, which one is your favorite? What do you love about it?
This is a trick question! Not fair!
It varies week to week for me, but I have been loving on my bench the most lately. It feels pretty badass to shove a heavy weight off of my chest. In a dramatic movie sort of way, it makes me think I could escape easily if I were in a disaster and something heavy fell on me.
JVB: Time to get your PR pants on! Tell us about your most memorable personal record.
The day I deadlifted my own body weight for reps I danced around the gym and celebrated with a bacon maple donut. Squatting my own bodyweight is next on my list (and I’m close!). When I nail that lift, I’m going to drive to Voodoo Donuts in downtown Denver and get another (better) maple bacon donut from my favorite donut shop, not the grocery store!
JVB: OK, now a biggie: What is the biggest impact becoming UP has had on your life?
I naturally have a larger frame, the acceptance of which I’ve struggled with over the years. I’ve been a personal trainer for the past 5 years and I admit to having imposter syndrome about own body, and have felt like it didn’t live up to the picture being a personal trainer presents. I lead a very active lifestyle, I eat well, and I study and work with mentors to increase my knowledge as a trainer, but because of the shape of my body there have been days when I didn’t feel that I’m in a position advise others on how exercise.
But the Unapologetically Powerful program has helped me own my body, more than I ever did before. When I started powerlifting, I felt and saw changes in my body and I embraced the strength I was building. Now I think, “So what if my belly is a little bigger than it was when I was in my 30’s? My ass is much stronger and shaplier than it was then, too!” Being unapologetically powerful and proud of what my body can do is a lifestyle for me now, and self-doubt is much less frequent.
A big bonus is that my clients see my lifting videos on social media and are getting interested in lifting heavy for themselves. Yesssssssss: the message is spreading.
JVB: We know that improving your physical strength has a way of bleeding into every aspect of your life. In what ways are you Unapologetically Powerful outside of the gym?
I have always been a feminist in my beliefs but I didn’t always have the courage to speak my mind or stand up for what I thought was right. As I become more powerful in the gym, I find myself becoming more vocal outside of it as well. I believe women are a driving force in creating change in our country and world, and I am now more confident about adding my voice and power to the movement.
JVB: You’ve come a long way, baby! What has been the biggest contributor to your powerlifting success so far?
Consistency! Lifting 3 days a week for 12 weeks straight earned me gains I’d never seen before. When it comes to powerlifting, I truly believe you need to show up for your training consistently to see any sort of results. General strength training 2 days a week with endurance training mixed in was enough to keep my overall fitness level in check, but once I jumped into the UP program I was very pleased with the strength gain and progress lifting technique.
JVB: I know you love to do more than powerlift! Tell us about it!
Besides powerlifting I train and race with a local women’s triathlon group, Karma Multisport. My tri training focus is on sprint distance, in the Athena division. This year I’m branching out by attempting my first Xterra off-road race! Mountain biking is brand new to me — a sad thing to admit for a native Coloradan — and trail running is not my forte but I am excited and nervous to get on the course.
I totally live up to the Colorado stereotype of often venturing outside and into the mountains, hiking with my dog, husband, and friends. An admission — I don’t ski or snowboard! I prefer watching the snow from inside with a hot bevvie or craft beer.
JVB: Talk to the reader: What’s your best piece of advice for them if they’re interested in training for powerlifting?
Find a good coach you trust and who challenges you (in safe way!). Working with a coach has been my most powerful tool in making consistent progress. And when you decide to do it, approach the weights with confidence because you are in control. Embrace the strength you gain. Become a badass.
Do you love to lift and are interested in joining a community of like-minded lifters for a week of strength-oriented fun? The fourth #UPowerful virtual powerlifting meet is going on RIGHT NOW, and it’s not too late to join! Everyone of all strength levels is invited to compete, and no, you do not have to already be on a powerlifting program to participate. Once you join the team, the (free!) Unapologetically Powerful Ecourse will deliver everything you need to know about how to execute the big three safely and strongly, right to your inbox.
You can participate in this meet even while lifting in your own gym. That is the beauty of the #UPowerful meet: you’re able to participate from anywhere on the globe! (And you don’t even have to wear a singlet.) Join the team now!
The post Power Portrait: Andrea Williams appeared first on Thrive with Jen Sinkler.
First found here: Power Portrait: Andrea Williams
0 notes
Photo
New Post has been published on http://fitnessandhealthpros.com/fitness/power-portrait-andrea-williams/
Power Portrait: Andrea Williams
Author’s Note: Andrea Williams has been a member of Unapologetically Powerful coaching since August of 2017 and while you can already see how warm-hearted and enthusiastic she is in the photo above, her strength and tenacity should not be underestimated. A trainer herself, Andrea embodies what Jen and I call our favorite motto, “Always be learnin.” She is a genuine and enthusiastic cheerleader for her fellow coaching members, with lifting chops to boot: she has added 40 pounds to her squat, 20 pounds to her bench press, and 20 pounds to her deadlift. I simply adore this woman and by the end of this profile, I know you will too.
Take it away, Dre!
First, the basics! Your name, age, and where you live.
I’m Andrea Williams, aka Dre to my friends and clients. I turn 42 on March 28 and I live in Littleton, Colorado, just southwest of Denver.
JVB: Let’s dig right into it: what does becoming Unapologetically Powerful mean to you?
I’ve always been a head-strong person, accomplishing pretty much anything I set my mind to. The past few years, as I’ve matured and become more and more comfortable with the woman I am, I’ve felt less and less shy about expressing my thoughts on what it means to be a strong woman, both physically and mentally.
JVB: Everyone’s entry to powerlifting is a bit different: how did you find yours?
2 years ago I had a wild-hair idea that I wanted to compete in powerlifting. Spontaneous moves are how I like to do things, but I still kept my head because the very first thing I did was seek out a coach. I worked with a local coach, learned the foundations of the big three and gained a bit of strength. But when the meet I had my eye on drew nearer, I had to eat some humble pie: my body was just not ready. My knee was sore and I didn’t have the confidence I needed to go in and perform well. I took some time off over the summer of 2016, and jumped into Unapologetically Powerful Coaching with JVB last fall. BEST DECISION EVER because now I feel more than capable and strong all over.
JVB: Think about where you started and where you are now: what did you find most helpful when learning how to powerlift?
JVB talks about the negative consequences of “energy leaks” while executing a lift, and that concept was life—and lift—altering for me. I had a habit of dancing with my feet when I set up for my squat and not grounding my feet to the floor took more stability away from the lift than I had previously considered. When JVB pointed it out and I focused on rooting my feet to the ground my squat took off. I also learned how a strong grip on the bar makes a big difference—wrap your thumb around the bar and squeeze the hell out of it! Those two small cues helped me move much more weight, much easier and quickly.
JVB: Let’s talk about challenges. What was your biggest hurdle when you first started powerlifting? How did you overcome it?
A valuable life lesson I’ve learned is that if I don’t know something, it’s OK to admit that and take advice and cues from someone who does. Years ago, (and the result of another wild-hair idea) I attempted my first triathlon. I decided to train myself—hey, I can swim, ride a bike, and run, so why not?—and I was an epic DNF failure on race day. (DNF=Did Not Finish.) After I licked my wounds and my ego recovered, I found a coach. “Teach me,” I asked.
When I decided to powerlift, I knew that working with heavy weight was no joke, and good coaching would be important.
I’m a personal trainer but I allowed myself to be putty in the hands of my coaches. I also really learned to listen to my body, particularly after I hurt both my knee and my back before joining the Unapologetically Powerful coaching program. The biofeedback aspect of the UP program taught me that it’s OK to rest or take my workout down a notch or two on a particular day, if my body isn’t feeling it (and to go harder when it is). I advocate for that to my clients all the time—even the trainer needs to be trained from time to time!
JVB: In just three words, describe how you feel after a powerlifting workout?
Badass. As. F$ ck.
JVB: All three are awesome, but if you must pick from squat, bench, or deadlift, which one is your favorite? What do you love about it?
This is a trick question! Not fair!
It varies week to week for me, but I have been loving on my bench the most lately. It feels pretty badass to shove a heavy weight off of my chest. In a dramatic movie sort of way, it makes me think I could escape easily if I were in a disaster and something heavy fell on me.
JVB: Time to get your PR pants on! Tell us about your most memorable personal record.
The day I deadlifted my own body weight for reps I danced around the gym and celebrated with a bacon maple donut. Squatting my own bodyweight is next on my list (and I’m close!). When I nail that lift, I’m going to drive to Voodoo Donuts in downtown Denver and get another (better) maple bacon donut from my favorite donut shop, not the grocery store!
JVB: OK, now a biggie: What is the biggest impact becoming UP has had on your life?
I naturally have a larger frame, the acceptance of which I’ve struggled with over the years. I’ve been a personal trainer for the past 5 years and I admit to having imposter syndrome about own body, and have felt like it didn’t live up to the picture being a personal trainer presents. I lead a very active lifestyle, I eat well, and I study and work with mentors to increase my knowledge as a trainer, but because of the shape of my body there have been days when I didn’t feel that I’m in a position advise others on how exercise.
But the Unapologetically Powerful program has helped me own my body, more than I ever did before. When I started powerlifting, I felt and saw changes in my body and I embraced the strength I was building. Now I think, “So what if my belly is a little bigger than it was when I was in my 30’s? My ass is much stronger and shaplier than it was then, too!” Being unapologetically powerful and proud of what my body can do is a lifestyle for me now, and self-doubt is much less frequent.
A big bonus is that my clients see my lifting videos on social media and are getting interested in lifting heavy for themselves. Yesssssssss: the message is spreading.
JVB: We know that improving your physical strength has a way of bleeding into every aspect of your life. In what ways are you Unapologetically Powerful outside of the gym?
I have always been a feminist in my beliefs but I didn’t always have the courage to speak my mind or stand up for what I thought was right. As I become more powerful in the gym, I find myself becoming more vocal outside of it as well. I believe women are a driving force in creating change in our country and world, and I am now more confident about adding my voice and power to the movement.
JVB: You’ve come a long way, baby! What has been the biggest contributor to your powerlifting success so far?
Consistency! Lifting 3 days a week for 12 weeks straight earned me gains I’d never seen before. When it comes to powerlifting, I truly believe you need to show up for your training consistently to see any sort of results. General strength training 2 days a week with endurance training mixed in was enough to keep my overall fitness level in check, but once I jumped into the UP program I was very pleased with the strength gain and progress lifting technique.
JVB: I know you love to do more than powerlift! Tell us about it!
Besides powerlifting I train and race with a local women’s triathlon group, Karma Multisport. My tri training focus is on sprint distance, in the Athena division. This year I’m branching out by attempting my first Xterra off-road race! Mountain biking is brand new to me — a sad thing to admit for a native Coloradan — and trail running is not my forte but I am excited and nervous to get on the course.
I totally live up to the Colorado stereotype of often venturing outside and into the mountains, hiking with my dog, husband, and friends. An admission — I don’t ski or snowboard! I prefer watching the snow from inside with a hot bevvie or craft beer.
JVB: Talk to the reader: What’s your best piece of advice for them if they’re interested in training for powerlifting?
Find a good coach you trust and who challenges you (in safe way!). Working with a coach has been my most powerful tool in making consistent progress. And when you decide to do it, approach the weights with confidence because you are in control. Embrace the strength you gain. Become a badass.
Do you love to lift and are interested in joining a community of like-minded lifters for a week of strength-oriented fun? The fourth #UPowerful virtual powerlifting meet is going on RIGHT NOW, and it’s not too late to join! Everyone of all strength levels is invited to compete, and no, you do not have to already be on a powerlifting program to participate. Once you join the team, the (free!) Unapologetically Powerful Ecourse will deliver everything you need to know about how to execute the big three safely and strongly, right to your inbox.
You can participate in this meet even while lifting in your own gym. That is the beauty of the #UPowerful meet: you’re able to participate from anywhere on the globe! (And you don’t even have to wear a singlet.) Join the team now!
Originally at :Fitness – Thrive with Jen Sinkler Written By : Jennifer Blake
0 notes