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myemergence · 5 years ago

Text

The Words

The week of Valentine's Day Buck goes home to find a box full of letters in his mailbox. As he reads them, he finds that they are love letters. He enlists the help of the one-eighteen to help him discover the identity of the secret admirer.

Prompt Fill for the Tumblr prompt 'Secret Admirer' for Buddietines week

A huge thank you to the beta for this, nilkshi. Your hard work is so appreciated, and thank you for helping with the title!

Eddie stepped into the dining room, setting down a plate of mandarin oranges and grapes. “Here’s your snack, bud. Did you finish your spelling words?” He asked, seating himself in the chair directly across from his son.

A giggle escaped from Christopher’s lips. “Dad, Carla and I finished my spelling words last night.”

Eddie felt his brows knit together as he glanced at Christopher, who had been working at the dining room table for no less than thirty minutes. “So, what are you working on then?” Eddie grabbed a grape from the plate, popping into his mouth.

A sigh escaped the little boy’s lips, setting down his pencil and he looked to Eddie with a serious look on his face. “Do you know what next week is?”

“Uh…” Eddie tapped his fingers against the tabletop in thought. Eddie pulled out his cell phone, glancing at the calendar. “I’m not sure, Chris.”

Chris set his hand carefully on top of Eddie’s before he looked him square in the eyes. “It’s Valentine’s Day, Dad.”

Wow. He was really, really bad at this. Surely a better parent would have had it circled on the calendar. Eddie couldn’t stop the small laugh that had bubbled past his lips. “You are completely right. I totally forgot, mijo. Are you supposed to bring something for class?”

“It’s okay, we all have bad days sometimes,” Christopher replied brightly. “I have to bring in valentines for the other kids, and a decorated mailbox for the cards.”

“Hmm,” Eddie pondered briefly before realization flashed in his eyes, “well I do have your craft bin up in my closet if you wanted to try to decorate a cereal box for your mailbox?”

Chris looked up from the hearts that he was drawing on the paper in front of him. “Oh, mine is going to be the best!” He announced eagerly, setting the crayon down on the table. Chris began to get up from the table, grabbing his crutches when he was upright. “You find a cereal box, and I’ll get the supplies.”

“You sure you don’t need help?”

“I’m not five,” Chris reminded him with a sigh. Eddie let out a small laugh, holding his hands up in surrender. His boy was nothing if not utterly determined, and he was growing more and more independent by the day. It made Eddie so proud, and at the same time, he missed the little boy who used to be solely dependent on him. Eddie made his way to the counter to find a cereal box, listening to the fading sound of crutches as Christopher disappeared into Eddie’s room.

Buck glided into the firehouse with an extra bounce in his step. Eddie looked up from his locker, a genuine smile pulling at the corner of his lips. He looked back to his locker, eyes lingering on the Valentine’s Day card that Christopher had made for him over the weekend. “Well, looks like cupid must have something up his sleeve for you this week,” Eddie teased.

“I’ll have you know that I do finally have plans,” Buck told him, pulling the shirt up and over his head, turning his body so that he could glance at his best friend. “I was pretty sure I was going to be dateless this year, which isn’t necessarily a bad idea considering my track record with Valentine’s Day.”

Eddie made a move to close his locker, but Buck stepped closer, stopping him. “Did Chris make that?” He asked, an enamored smile splitting his handsome features. “I don’t know where that kid gets his artistic talent, but clearly it’s not from his dad.”

“Thanks man,” Eddie rolled his eyes, “Shannon was definitely way more artistic than I’ll ever be.” He cleared his throat then, a sad attempt at changing the subject before he got trapped into a conversation about feelings. “So, what are Valentine's Day plans?”

“Trying to live vicariously through me?” Buck teased, looking up briefly to meet Eddie’s hazel eyes as he carefully buttoned the top to his uniform.

“No, I think I manage just fine on my own.”

“You think so?” He challenged, his brow arching at the question, “When was the last time that you went on a date?”

“I-I don’t know,” Eddie answered with a sigh, hating to have to admit to his best friend that his love life was essentially extinct.

“There’s no reason for that, it’s not like you couldn’t get a date if you actually put some effort into it.” Buck set the rest of his belongings in his locker before he leaned against it, arms crossing over his chest as he leaned against his locker, “Let me help you.”

Eddie raked his fingers through his hair uncomfortably, “I appreciate the offer, Buck, I do. But I don’t have the time-”

“I’ve got you, man. I just need a decent picture of you and then I’ll do the rest.”

“So we all know that Cap is a big lover when it comes to Valentine’s Day,” Hen let out a light laugh before she took a sip of her beer, the crew unwinding after a long shift. “Anyone else have plans?”

Eddie was thankful that Buck hadn’t arrived at the bar yet to bring up Eddie’s lack of a love life. Or to ask for another picture to use for a dating profile. He took a long pull from his beer, waiting for everyone else to pipe in. “I’m taking Maddie out for a nice dinner on Friday night, then a quiet evening at home.” Chimney said.

“Solid plan,” Bobby acknowledged. “Michael has Harry this weekend, so I’m surprising Athena with a weekend away…” His eyes slid to Hen’s knowingly, “just to reiterate, I said surprise.”

Hen laughed heartily at the emphasis, “I’m wounded that you think I would ruin a surprise.”

Bobby smirked, taking a sip of his water. “Did you forget about her birthday last year, already?” Hen pursed her lips together tightly, her brows rising. “I’ll take that as a no.” He and Hen laughed in unison.

Eddie was about to speak up when he noticed a tall blond making his way into the bar. He forced a swallow as his eyes lingered, on the blond getting a drink at the bar. “Did we lose you, Eddie?” Chim teased.

“Huh? Uh, no,” Eddie pulled his eyes away to glance at Chim with a tight smile. He lifted his beer before nodding his head towards the bar. “Buck made it.”

“Ohhh, alright.” Chim trailed off, exchanging a knowing glance with Hen as Buck made his way over to the group.

“Hey guys,” Buck greeted as he slipped into the empty barstool at the table.

“We were just talking about everyone’s Valentine’s Day plans,” Bobby told him, watching as Buck brought his beer to his lips in a fluid motion. “You have any plans?”

“Yeah, I mean, I did…” Buck trailed off slowly, his mind seemingly elsewhere. “Have any of you ever had a secret admirer?” He asked carefully.

“Uh, yeah, in the sixth grade,” Hen joked.

Buck pursed his lips together in thought, before placing his beer down on the table. “I stopped home after our shift… and found these letters in my mailbox.”

“Letters?” Eddie asked, with obvious interest.

“Love letters?” Bobby suggested although he wasn’t sure if the suggestion was because Valentine’s Day was around the corner. He was a sucker for Valentine’s Day romance.

Buck nodded his head. “I’ve never received a love letter before.” He let out a small laugh, his mind flashing back to the words that he’d read only a short while earlier. “I- have no idea who would have sent these.”

“Maybe your date for Valentine’s Day?” Eddie suggested.

“No,” Buck shook his head, taking another long swallow from his beer, “we haven’t actually been out before.” He explained carefully.

Chim howled with laughter, “Hold up a second, you are spending your Valentine’s Day reverting back to Buck 1.0 and hooking up with someone from Tinder?”

“After reading those letters, I don’t know what I want to do.”

“You really don’t have any idea who they could be from? Any clues?” Hen asked, her interested piqued.

Buck shook his head again, “I honestly have no idea.” He shifted in the barstool, fingers slipping into his back pocket. “I brought one of them with me.”

“Oh, we have got to figure this out so you can go out with your secret admirer for Valentine’s Day. How romantic would that be?” Hen and Bobby looked at each other excitedly, holding their hands out for the letter.

Eddie felt like the wind had been knocked out of him, seeing the familiar scrawl across the envelope. This was impossible. He felt on the edge of suffocating, swallowing the second half of his beer in several greedy gulps. His hazel eyes flashed, and he thought of the box which was safely tucked away in his closet only days ago. Next to Christopher’s art bin. Fuck.

“I’ll be right back,” Eddie choked out as he pulled his phone out of his pocket. He flashed a smile before he stepped away from the group. Eddie slipped out the back door of the bar, leaning against the hard wall behind him. He ran his hands roughly over his face. “Think, Eddie, think. How the fuck did this happen?”

His eyes closed as he tried to calm his racing heart, the panic at having his intimate feelings for Buck shared with the rest of their team. Which letter were they reading? Did he have all of them? Bobby, Hen, Chim, and Buck were sitting inside of the bar trying to answer one question: who was Buck’s secret admirer? And the man who had written those letters stood outside, trying to answer a thousand more.

He’d ducked out early after that.

The next morning, hearing the doorbell, Eddie made his way to the front door, setting a basket of folded laundry on top of the table before pulling the door open. “Cap, is everything okay?” he asked in surprise.

Bobby smiled back at him. “Having a sick kid is never easy, I brought soup.” Eddie felt his jaw fall open and had to snap it shut quickly to recover.

“Bobby, I appreciate it, but you didn’t need to…” His voice trailed off slightly, as he stood with his hand gripping the door tightly. He had very gracelessly slipped out of the bar the night before, telling everyone that Chris was sick. The last thing that he needed was someone showing up concerned about his perfectly healthy kid.

“I wanted to,” Bobby assured him, standing outside of the home with a tupperware dish in his hands. “So, are you going to invite me in or what?”

“Uh, of course,” Eddie pulled the door open wider, stepping aside so that Bobby could walk through the doorway and into his home. He fought back the desire to throw his head back and groan as he closed the door behind him.

Bobby’s eye caught sight of the mess on the living room floor as they stepped past, legos and dinosaurs scattered across nearly every inch. His eyes landed on Chris finally, who sat on the floor playing with a few dinosaurs, noisily knocking over a lego structure. “Can I get you anything, Cap?” Eddie asked before Bobby finally followed behind him, into the kitchen.

Bobby made his way to the refrigerator, slipping the container inside. “An explanation?”

Eddie felt his heart begin to thunder in his chest, and he busied himself with grabbing a few glasses out of the cupboard. “An explanation for what?” He asked, managing to keep an even tone.

Bobby grabbed the pitcher of water, joining Eddie at the counter. “For why you left the bar so quickly last night.” He glanced away from Eddie as he filled the two glasses, returning the pitcher to the fridge.

“I told you last night, Chris-”

“I know what you told everyone last night.” Bobby tilted his head towards the living room. “But that kid out there is not sick.”

“He was having a rough night.” Eddie grabbed one of the glasses in his hand roughly, taking several long swallows.

“He was?”

Eddie sighed loudly, putting his glass down noisily on the table before turning to Bobby. “Are you trying to ask me something?”

Bobby shrugged his shoulders before he sat down at the table with his glass of water. “You missed all of them speculating on who Buck’s secret admirer was when you left last night.”

Eddie scoffed before he sat down in the chair across from Bobby. “So who have you narrowed it down to?”

“Well, they decided that it’s definitely a guy based on the chicken scratch. They had a pretty generous list: the mailman, the Postmates driver that always ends up drumming up a conversation, the personal trainer at his gym…” Bobby trailed off slowly. “Clearly, they’re amateurs.”

Eddie’s eyes lifted to Bobby’s then. “Oh, and you think you have it figured out?”

“It’s clearly someone who knows Buck very well,” the older man began, “who knows intimate details about him, and who has known him long enough to really pine over him.”

“Oh, well that’s a lot of information to take from one letter.”

“Yes, but also the knowledge that there are twelve others.” Eddie fought the desire to slam his head against the table in defeat. Bobby was too observant, and he knew what was coming before it actually happened. Not because of what Bobby had said to him, but by the knowing look in his eyes. It was the same look that he gave to Christopher when he was trying to get away with something, and Eddie knew it.

He decided to play along, if for nothing else than to not have to admit it to Bobby himself. “So, who do you speculate it is?”

“It’s not speculation,” Bobby told him pointedly, finding his gaze, “the feelings, the intimate knowledge, the handwriting… it’s you, Eddie.”

Eddie stepped into the locker room on the day before Valentine’s Day, noticing Buck sitting on the bench. “You’re early,” Eddie observed, trying not to be distracted by the familiar letter that was grasped between his hands.

“I just-” Buck sighed heavily as he read over the words, scouring it for clues. “I feel like it shouldn’t be that hard to figure this out.”

“Why are you so worried about it, man?” Eddie asked, genuinely curious. “You have a date for tomorrow night, and I’m sure it will be great to let a little steam off, right?”

“You don’t get it. You didn’t read this,” Buck shoved the letter in Eddie’s direction, waiting for him to take it. “How can I be okay with something meaningless, when there is someone in my world who feels like this?”

Eddie internalized a groan, taking the letter from Buck. He looked down at his writing, scrawled messily over the page. His words, a confession of his feelings for Buck that he was never supposed to see.

Buck,

Some days I wonder what my life was like before you walked into it. I try to scour my brain for my best memories, and less for one or two, all of them have been since we met. Some people might think that is just a coincidence, but I know better. My life is made better every day for knowing you.

You are reckless sometimes and lead with your heart, and although it drives me crazy, that is one of the things that I love about you. You would give everything you have for those you care about, and damn the consequences. I wish I could be as open about my feelings as you are. I wish I could push back this crippling fear of the what-ifs. I’m writing this all to you in a letter that I’m never going to mail, that’s the kind of fear that I live with. Because I know that this will never work out. Because I ruin every romantic relationship that has ever mattered in my life.

And I refuse to destroy you as I have with those who came before you.

So I’ll continue to watch you live your life, and meet new people. And with every new date that you gush about, I have to remember that this is my decision. I can’t blame them, either, because nobody is immune to that Evan Buckley charm.

But in each of those moments, I’ll think about what it would be like to take their place. To have you show up at my doorstep, instead of theirs. And when you tell me about your date, I’ll just smile, because you deserve happiness, even if I know that I can’t be the one to give that to you.

It was Buck’s hand on his shoulder that brought Eddie back. “So what do you think?”

Eddie sighed, “it’s just a letter, Buck.”

“What?” Buck looked at Eddie incredulously, as though he was trying to convince him that the earth was square. “How can you even think that? Feelings like that… why would anyone ever keep those feelings to themself? How is that fair to this person, or to me?”

This time Eddie groaned out loud, handing the letter back to Buck. “I’m sure they have their reasons, sounds like they have a pretty screwed up past. Maybe they’re doing you a favor. And, not for nothing? But if you had feelings for this person, they’d already know.”

“Doing me a favor? I can’t believe that is how you see this. I don’t get why you can’t see how this would matter to me.”

“Because they are just meaningless words!” Eddie shouted in frustration. “As much as I’d love to get more invested in your love life like the rest of the damn firehouse, I’ve gotta finish getting ready for our shift.” He turned back to his locker and away from Buck, stunning him into silence.

Eddie slipped into his house after a work out at the gym, the need to release some of the tension before he exploded winning out. He’d gone several rounds with the punching bag, and although he was hoping for a release of some sort, he felt himself just as tightly wound as before.

He sighed as he tossed the bag on the floor, just inside the doorway. It was Valentine’s Day and he had no bigger plans than going to the gym and making heart-shaped cookies with his kid. “Carla? Chris?” Eddie called as he stepped further inside.

“I’m in the kitchen!” Carla answered. Eddie glanced around the kitchen, a curious look on his face.

“Where’s Chris?”

“Oh, Buck’s getting him, should be here any minute?”

“What?” Eddie heard the tightness in his voice and cringed.

Carla grabbed the cookie sheet from the oven with oven mitts, setting it on top of the stove before promptly closing the oven door. “Is that a problem, Eddie?” She snapped back.

Eddie sighed, shaking his head. “No, no it’s not I just- thought this afternoon would just be me and Chris, that’s all.” And he didn’t know how long he could handle the awkward tension between them, after his outburst in the locker room, only the day before. Eddie heard the sound of the front door closing, and his heart pounded harder in his chest.

“Honey, we’re home!” Buck called loudly, the sound of Christopher’s crutches and his laughter instantly filling the small house.

“Here, put these on the cooling rack so I can take them home to my honey.” Carla smiled at Eddie, as he followed her orders. The table was adorned with a variety of frostings and sprinkles, and she had three large bowls with a neat ball of dough saran-wrapped in each. “I’m going to take these and decorate them at home. But you have everything you need here.”

“Did you leave the directions for the oven?” Eddie asked her dumbly.

Carla sighed, “They’re on the recipe card, but that’s not what I was talking about Eddie.” She grabbed a container, piling the cookies in as Buck and Christopher joined them. Eddie looked at her cluelessly for a moment, watching as she said her goodbyes.

His eyes slid over to Buck’s, remaining silent for a moment. “Thanks for picking up Chris,” he finally sputtered.

“I had a little something for him for Valentine’s Day, and thought he’d like it if I gave it to him today.” Buck shrugged.

Eddie opened his mouth to ask if he planned on staying, but was cut off abruptly by Christopher’s excited words. “Do you want to see it, Daddy?”

A light chuckle escaped his lips as he moved closer to Chris, crouching down to his level. “Of course I do, mijo.” Christopher grinned as he showed Eddie the brightly colored plush dinosaur, holding a heart in its tiny t-rex hands.

Eddie let out a laugh as he looked at the dinosaur. “This is great. Did you tell Buck thank you?”

“Of course he did, you have the most polite kid on earth,” Buck assured him.

“Hey bud, why don’t you wash your hands and then we can make some cookies, alright?” Eddie watched as Christopher left the room to wash his hands. Eddie washed his hands at the kitchen sink before turning to look at Buck. “Are you going to stay and make cookies, or do you need to get ready for the big date tonight?

“Nah, I can stay, as long as that’s alright with you.”

“Yeah, of course,” Eddie nodded as he stepped aside for Buck to wash his hands at the sink.

“Look,” Buck began before letting out a heavy sigh, “I think I owe you an apology, for yesterday.” Eddie’s eyes snapped to Buck’s with a look of bewilderment. “I was being really inconsiderate of your feelings. Talking about my search for this secret admirer and- and you don’t even have plans. Anyways, I’m sorry.”

“Buck, it’s not like that at all. I was just in a mood, you didn’t do anything wrong. I have plans with Chris tonight and that’s enough for me,” Eddie assured him.

They both glanced up as they heard Christopher’s crutches, just before he made his way back into the kitchen. “Why don’t you tell us how your Valentine’s Day party at school went?” Eddie suggested, as he rolled out Christopher’s dough and set several different heart-shaped cutouts in front of him. He quickly rolled out his ball of dough before handing the rolling pin to Buck.

“It was really fun, I got so many cards.” Christopher grinned, “they let us open our mailboxes at school, but we couldn’t eat any of the candy.”

“Aw man, that sounds like fun,” Buck told him with a smile. “I wish I had a mailbox full of cards.”

Christopher looked up from what he was doing, a look of confusion causing his brows to cinch together. “But Buck, you had a mailbox full of cards. From my dad.”

Fuck. Eddie’s eyes jolted up to Christopher’s, his heart beginning to beat so loudly that it thundered in his ears. He rose from the table quickly, putting the first tray of cookies into the oven and setting the timer, his mind frantically screaming at him.

Buck set down the cookie-cutter, leaning forward slightly towards Christopher. “What do you mean?”

Chris sighed as he looked at Buck closely. “The other day I was-”

“Hey Christopher, didn’t you say this morning that you had something to give to Buck when you saw him?” Eddie attempted to redirect Chris, the anxiety of the entire situation making him feel as though the walls were closing in. It was only a matter of time before Buck knew that it was Eddie that was in love with him, and their friendship would be over.

Chris nodded his head at Eddie’s question. “I’ll go get it.”

Buck aimed a questioning look in Eddie’s direction. The fact that he had interrupted Chris was so unlike him. Buck pursed his lips together, trying to piece together the puzzle. “I’ll go with you,” Buck offered, following Chris out of the room.

Well, that didn’t go as planned. “Son of a bitch,” he muttered under his breath once Buck and Chris were out of earshot, dropping his head into his hands for a pause. He watched as the two of them re-entered the room a few minutes later. “Everything all set?”

“Yup,” Chris smiled happily as he got resituated. “Can we finish making the cookies now? I really want to eat some frosting.” Buck and Eddie laughed at his words.

“Yeah, let’s finish up.” Eddie smiled at the boy, surprised that Buck hadn’t pressed when he’d come back into the room.

They finished making the cookies and destroying the kitchen about an hour later. They taste-tested every kind of frosting and piled the sprinkles on high.

Eddie glanced at the clock, seeing that it was already past five. “You’d better get going man, you don’t want to be late.”

Buck seemed unfazed by his words, and upon hearing the doorbell ring he grinned at Christopher. “I’ll get that.” Buck rose to his feet quickly, walking to the door. “Isabel, it’s so great to see you.”

“Abuela!” Christopher called excitedly as he made his way to her. She embraced him, placing a doting kiss on the crown of his head.

“Abuela?” Eddie asked in confusion, joining them in the entryway.

“You have fun tonight, okay?” She smiled widely at Eddie.

“But Abuela, why are you here? I didn’t-” Eddie scratched his head, stopping short as confusion washed over him. He was sure that he hadn’t asked her to watch Chris tonight, there was no need. He had no plans other than spending the evening with Chris, and now that was being taken away.

“You have a kid-free night, enjoy it,” she demanded, before placing an affectionate kiss on his cheek. She grabbed the small duffel bag that was sitting by the door.

“Wait, who packed a bag?” Eddie asked, the lines that were creasing his forehead deepening.

He felt a hand on his shoulder that grounded him. “Just let it be,” Buck assured him, Christopher and Isabel saying their goodbyes to Eddie. Only minutes later a silent house surrounded them.

“You’d better go before you’re late.” Eddie turned to Buck.

“I canceled the date two days ago, Eddie. I don’t have anywhere to be.” Buck didn’t wait for Eddie’s reaction to his words, stepping into the kitchen and beginning to clean up the mess they’d made.

“Oh, well, you don’t have to stay and do dishes. I’ve got it.” Eddie trailed him into the kitchen, stepping around Buck to turn on the faucet, wetting a washcloth to clean the crusty frosting from the table.

“I get it, you want me to leave so that we can ignore what Chris said in here earlier.” Buck grabbed the bowls from the table and set them down into the sink.

“No,” Eddie sighed. “I can handle it, that’s all.” Eddie moved around Buck again, shaking off the washcloth in the sink before turning back around.

“That’s what you always do, right, Eds? You handle it?” Buck stepped into Eddie’s space again, and Eddie felt his breath hitch. “We don’t talk about our feelings, we just keep that shit bottled up until we can’t handle it anymore, right? We get into illegal street fighting when we can’t deal with our rage. We write our real feelings out in letters that are never going to be sent. Fuck, Eddie!” Buck’s hands gripped the sink behind Eddie, not allowing him another chance to avoid this.

“Buck.” His name was barely a whisper on Eddie’s lips.

“That’s all you’ve got for me now?” Buck let out an uneven laugh out of frustration, the sound foreign to Eddie’s ears. “Days of listening to me agonize about who wrote those letters, who could possibly have those feelings for me. And it was you all along. And you can’t even say it, you can’t even admit it to me now!” He shook his head, wounded blue orbs looking down into Eddie’s hazel ones.

“You make it sound like all of this is easy. You are so fucking frustrating!” A tremor shook through Eddie’s body, the emotion of it all causing Eddie to burst at the seams. Before Eddie had the chance to brace against the sink, Buck was pressed up against his front, pinning Eddie to the counter behind him.

“Would it be easier for you if we were in a metal cage right now?” Buck asked deeply, tongue flicking out to wet his lips, eyes not wavering from Eddie’s. Eddie shook his head silently, his eyes finally breaking their gaze, unable to speak for a long moment as he felt Buck pressed up against him. “I swear to God, Eddie if you don’t look at me,” Eddie’s eyes instantly snapped back to Buck’s, his blue eyes burning with frustration and anger, and something that Eddie could only identify as desire.

Buck’s face was mere inches from Eddie’s now, his breath scented with the sweet smell of sugar cookies. Eddie bit back the desire to groan at this closeness that he’d only dreamt about before, eyes locked on Buck’s. “What do you want?” Buck asked, his words coming out slow, sounding out every syllable with care.

“It’s not about what I want, Buck,” Eddie whispered, the nagging voice in the back of his mind continuing to scream out, reminding him of his past failures. Reminding him of how terrible his entire relationship with Shannon had been. How those choices had affected Christopher.

He swallowed roughly, feeling the tears that were beginning to burn behind his eyes. Eddie hesitated, not wanting Buck to see the sadness there. Buck remained insistent, his fingers cupping below Eddie’s chin, tipping his face so that his eyes were forced to find Buck’s again, moving another millimeter closer. “What do you want?” Buck’s voice deepened with the whisper.

Eddie worried his bottom lip between his teeth, feeling the tears slip down his cheeks. Finally, the admission slipped past his lips. “You.” The anger finally left Buck’s eyes, his thumbs sliding down Eddie’s cheeks to wipe away the tears that had fallen, stopping in the roughness of Eddie’s stubble. They stood there like that for a long moment before Buck dragged his thumb against Eddie’s lower lip, making Eddie’s teeth release the hold.

Buck dipped his head down, covering Eddie’s lips with his own in an agonizingly slow kiss. Eddie felt the hesitation fall away, the physical tension in his body fading away. He leaned into Buck more, one hand resting against Buck’s hip, his other hand cupping the back of his head, drawing him closer as their lips moved against each other. Several thundering heartbeats later, Buck placed a hand against Eddie’s chest, breaking the kiss. A small smirk played at the corners of his lips. “See what happens when we talk about our feelings?”

Eddie laughed lightly, feeling like the hands that had been clenching his heart tightly over the past week had finally let go, “Shut up.” It was Eddie who grabbed hold of Buck’s face this time, taking the lead and turning them until it was Buck who was shoved against the sink. Buck groaned into Eddie’s lips, the vibration coursing through Eddie until it settled low into his stomach. Eddie pulled back from the kiss slowly, the sound of Buck’s grumbling stomach causing Eddie’s lips to lift into a smirk. “Guess I have to feed you, too.”

“Eating could wait,” Buck told him with a light shrug of his shoulder, heavy-lidded eyes settled on Eddie. His stomach grumbled again, clearly in disagreement.

Eddie stepped away from Buck, immediately missing the feel of him. He grabbed a heart-shaped cookie from the plate and handed it to Buck. “I’ll call and order us a pizza, you eat this and quiet the monster. I’m sure we can find something to do with our time until the pizza gets here.”

Eddie grinned as he stepped away, realizing that yet again that he owed everything to his brilliant kid.

Eddie made his way up the steps of the firehouse, smiling when he found Buck and Bobby setting the table for the crew’s breakfast. Hen and Chim had already gathered, moving the food to the table. “Sorry Cap, Christopher’s appointment ran over a few minutes,” he said by way of an apology. “Anything I can do to help?”

“No, I think we’re all good. Dig in.” Bobby smiled, taking in the seemingly contented faces of his entire crew. That gave Bobby pause. It was the first day they were scheduled to work since Valentine’s Day, and Eddie had been less than thrilled about the holiday to begin with. Then there was Buck, who had been on a mission to find the identity of his secret admirer. “So, how was everyone’s Valentine’s Day?”

“It was great,” Hen answered as she shoveled a generous portion of eggs onto her plate. “We were able to make it out for a nice dinner… it was a nice change of pace. Did Athena like her surprise?”

“Can I get the bacon over here, before you answer that, Cap?” Chim asked with a grin as Bobby handed him the plate.

“She loved it. So, thank you for keeping it a secret.” He laughed lightly, nodding his appreciation to Hen. “What about you Chim, you and Maddie have a nice evening out?”

“Yeah, she loved the restaurant you recommended, raved about it the whole way home.”

“And that is the most that you will tell us about your Valentine’s Day with my sister,” Buck warned with a stern look.

“What about you, Buck, have any emergency tracheotomies?” Chim quipped.

“Eddie, what about you? What did you end up doing?” Bobby asked, taking a bite of his eggs, the rest of the crew beginning to shovel food in.

“Pizza and Netflix,” they said in unison, holding each other’s gaze for a beat too long.

Bobby couldn’t fight the grin that lit up his face. “Sounds like a nice, quiet way to spend the holiday.”

“No tracheotomy required,” Buck laughed, “good thing my secret admirer is a great medic, just in case there is a bread emergency.”

“Hold up… hold up a damn minute,” Hen’s eyes popped as her jaw dropped open, “Eddie was your secret admirer this whole damn time?”

“It took all of you long enough to figure it out,” Bobby said with a raised brow, reaching over to grab a cinnamon roll and placing it onto his plate.

“Wait, you knew?” Chim asked, his tone turning playfully accusatory. “You knew and you didn’t share that information with us?”

“Or me, for that matter,” Buck added before taking several long swallows of his orange juice.

Bobby laughed before shrugging his shoulders., “Well you figured it out, so what’s the harm?”

“Actually, he didn’t,” Eddie teased, reaching over and grabbing the last piece of bacon off of Buck’s plate. “Christopher, the little rat that delivered the letters in the first place, told him.”

“God, I love that kid. He’s got more common sense than the two of you combined,” Hen chuckled. The rest of them laughed in agreement, both Buck and Eddie knowing that an argument would be feeble. And wrong.

Eddie smiled silently, enjoying the laughter that surrounded them. His eyes met Buck’s across the table, and Buck winked at him before he turned his attention back to his plate of food. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d had a happy Valentine’s Day. And now thanks to Christopher and Buck, he couldn’t imagine a happier one.

#buddietinesweek #buddietines #day one #secret admirer #eddie diaz #911 fanfic #evan buckley #buddie

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justsmilestuffhappens · 5 years ago

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Day 2 (11th of February) - “That might just be the least romantic thing you��ve ever said to me” @buddietinesweek

Love sick

Buck was waiting on his doctor to come back with his results. She'd said his throat looked irritated then took a swab.

He wasn't feeling too hot. Or, well that wasn't the right way of putting it. He felt like his skin was on fire to top off his throat hurting.

"Mr. Buckley." She pulled him out of his phone where he was watching short videos while he was alone to try cheering himself up.

"Just Buck is fine." Buck forced a smile once he finished coughing.

"Well, your results came back as streptococcal pharyngitis. Strep throat. That's what's causing your fever. We'll get you on some oral antibiotics." At buck's gulping which made him wince she continued.

"I'd advise you need to avoid others for a few weeks at the least. You can come back in a week or so for a checkup though. I'm sure you already know not to share any fluids with others." At buck's nod she went on.

"Be sure to keep as clean as you can as it can be passed on easily to those around you through sneezing and coughing. The nurse at the front desk can take your insurance and set up where you want your prescription to go before you leave. You didn't have any questions sir?"

"But Valentine's in less than a week." Buck groaned.

"I'm sure you're partner would like to stay healthy and you wouldn't want to pass it on to people you love." She said.

"Yeah, yeah. I don't have to like it." Buck huffed as he got up to go.

This was just great. His first Valentine's day with Eddie since last year when they got together after it had already passed. Buck couldn't catch a break. But he'd be damned if he let himself infect Christopher and Eddie with this. He felt miserable and he wouldn’t wish this on anyone.

His trip out towards his jeep and eventually to the store for cleaning supplies and comfort food while waiting for his drugs was a blur. Buck's pretty sure he could double for a zombie with how he looked but made sure to keep to himself avoiding a cart for his arms and hands. His cough drops were helping too.

Soon he was on his way home to spread the news. Casa de Buckley was off limits till further notice. He took his first dose with food and sent out the mass text. Bobby would have to coordinate things till Buck was 100% again.

Buck decided to call Eddie instead though to both be more personal with his boyfriend and hear his comforting voice.

"Hey Buck, how are you babe?" He heard that smile.

"I'm sweating because my brains melting, and my throat feels like a bee stung my insides, but all i can think about is not being able to kiss you or see Christopher,"

"Wait. You're sick? But I just saw you yesterday”

"Yeah."

"I'm coming over."

"No! Eddie I'm not getting you sick with my dick or yours for that matter no matter how hot and sweet you are fever delusions or not and that's final. I'll barricade my door if I have to. Don't test me man. Please," Buck started coughing only to sigh.

“That might just be both the most and least romantic thing you’ve ever said to me”

"Just keep talking. I like the sound of your voice Eds. And I might owe you a rain check for valentine's,"

"Ok. But you're more important than some holiday. Do you wanna talk to Christopher too?"

"Sure. I gotta explain why movie nights cancelled. Let me drink something, "

"It was game night. I'll get him."

"Right. I'm sick cut me a break" buck laughed.

"Hi buck." Christopher's voice brought a smile to his face.

"Hey buddy." Buck replied.

"Are you ok?"

"No buddy I'm sick. But I'll be better in maybe over a week. The doctor got me medicine to help but hearing you guys is good too." Buck said.

Christopher told him about his day after Eddie got home along with Eddie saying what they'd gotten up to at work. Buck replied when he could until he was snoring.

"Daddy, i think buck fell asleep." Christopher whispered.

"Yeah. Say good night."

Christopher did then handed back the phone.

Eddie went to his room. He'd put Christopher to sleep in another half hour. He left the call connected even if someone else might find it odd. Buck was his boyfriend so he could do that right?

He'd fall asleep to the sound of Buck once he put Christopher to bed a few minutes later.

It'd been a few days. Well four to be exact.

Eddie had wormed his way inside despite buck's protests. They didn't kiss and barely held hands as they watched a movie while buck's soup cooked.

"I can't figure out how I got sick still" buck said as Eddie brought him a bowl.

"It could have been the smallest thing. Don't worry about it. Just get better and if you're not okay by valentine's then we'll do something else later." Eddie turned off the TV.

"What?" Buck blew his spoon away from Eddie.

"I'm gonna go. Finish your soup then take a nap Buck. Love you." Eddie moved to kiss Buck on reflex.

Buck tucked his head as Eddie's lips met his hairline and forehead near his birthmark.

"Oh. Sorry. I guess I forgot,”

"You're not getting sick. I love you too much for that." Buck smiled as Eddie left.

It was valentine's day. Outside of Maddie and Chimney coming over to check up on him his place was still quarantined.

Buck sat alone in his apartment as his favorite show was ending.

Eddie hadn't said much about today during their nightly check ins with Christopher too.

The door opened to Eddie bringing in a pizza.

"Eddie-"

"I know, no kissing or sex,I'm not a caveman Buck."

Buck snickered.

"Stop laughing." Eddie said lightly as he got them drinks.

"You've gotta admit you walked into that one even if your are pretty good at it mister punchy."

They had space between them as Buck found a romcom to watch.

Half way through Buck turned it off as the guy was way too creepy even if he was hot.

Eddie switched the TV over as Buck asked. "So Christopher okay?"

"He misses you, same as me. He's with my Tia tonight and his cousin."

"Wait. What are you doing? You can’t sleep over Eddie even if I feel a little better.”

"Relax it’s just for the surprise part of our date night. I had to go to two stores for this and it wasn't even the version I wanted."

Buck watched as a Sims game booted up on his console.

"Okay?" He still didn't get it.

"At least one version of me can kiss you tonight. Come on, we're gonna make you first. Think this game says they even got supernatural stuff in it too." Eddie started on the character creation.

Buck found it entirely hilarious but also incredibly thoughtful. With Eddie's character finished and them looking for passable doppelgangers they began the game.

They kissed as a fire started in the kitchen only for the fire department to show up and save them.

Eddie had them get in the hot tub as music was playing. It was nice until their random visiting neighbor died summoning death.

"Okay this is just weird now." Buck said as he flirted with the grim reaper making Eddie jealous.

"How could you cheat on me with death?" Eddie asked incredulously.

"I just did it. Relax it’s not like I really like them. Oh." Buck watched his avatar hug death.

"I'm a werewolf?!" Eddie asked as the moon rose transforming him.

"Dude. Death just proposed to me and I turned them down for you. Wait, now I'm a zombie?"

Eddie turned off the game after that.

"Okay. Maybe that wasn't a good idea."

"No. It was great. I haven't laughed like that all week. Real me would never cheat on you, you're it for me." Buck leaned in absentmindedly as Eddie smiled before remembering and leaning away.

"Want another slice?" Eddie got up.

"Yeah. I can't have you in me so I guess I'll just have to settle for that." Buck joked startling Eddie to drop his plate into the sink.

"Buck you can't just say that.I’m only human, it’s hard not jumping your bones babe. But I'm glad you're feeling better." Eddie said while taking the second controller and moving it before sitting back down.

"The second I'm cleared of the zombie virus I'm gonna be all over you." Buck said devouring his food with fervor.

"I look forward to it. But until then this is a good date because I'm spending it with you." Eddie said drinking his lime soda before enjoying another slice.

"I owe Christopher hugs and kisses too so he's first then I'm all yours." Buck winked.

"All mine you say, hmm. I like the sound of that. The things we could do." Eddie raised his eyebrow.

"Just keep that thought for a few more days and hope my doctor tells me I'm all good." Buck grinned.

"You're more than good." Eddie said.

"You know what I meant."

"Yeah. But it's still true."

They were back to it now watching an action movie.

Eddie was glad Buck didn't look so down anymore. He'd wait a lifetime for buck, he was worth it.

#buddietines week #buddie #buck buckley #eddie diaz #911 #my writing #solo mio #long #ficlet #fic #Valentine's day #Valentine's #Valentine #buddietines #buddietinesweek

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buddietinesweek · 5 years ago

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Hey Buddie fandom!

Are you aching for more Buddie content now that the dreaded hiatus is upon us?

Well so are we, so to make the wait a bit less horrific we’ve come to spread some Buddie cheer,

Introducing Buddietines week! Now, I’m sure the terrible name gives it all away but if you’re confused then we’ll break it down for you. Buddietines week is a week in early February dedicated to creating Valentines themed content for our two favorite Himbos in the 118.

Every day for seven beautiful days we’ll have a new Valentines themed prompt for the Buddie fandom to work with. All content is welcome in Buddietines week.

There will, of course, be more information to come soon but for now, follow and we’ll update you soon

#buddie #buddietines week #buddietines #stay tuned folks

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confessions-of-a-shipperholic · 5 years ago

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The only thing valentines day was good for was all the Buddie fics. Wow guys

#you all really outdid yourselves #buddie valentines yeoooo #buddietines #buddietines week

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theycallmebobbob · 5 years ago

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Buddietine’s!!!!!

My @buddietinesweek entries on ao3

(To be added to as the week progresses)

Day 1. Secret Admirer

Buck's Not-At-All-Secret Admirer

Buck has a 'secret admirer'. Everyone knows it's Eddie, even Buck. Eddie has a plan though

Day 2. “That might just be the least romantic thing you’ve ever said to me”

Kiss Me Sweetly

“That might just be the least romantic thing you’ve ever said to me” Buck deadpans. Eddie can’t help but chuckle as he runs his thumb across Buck’s adorable pout.

“Sorry? It’s true though” Eddie teases, and Buck playfully shoves him away proclaiming “No you’re not asshole”.

Buck and playfully teasing each other between kisses.

Day 5. Valentine’s Day Gone Wrong

Failed Plan, Happy Family

Eddie had it all planned out. Reservations were confirmed, his suit was freshly cleaned and hanging on the back of his bedroom door and his speech was prepared. All he had to do was wait for Buck to show up at six sharp so they could go. Everything was set. He hadn’t planned for this.

In which Chis gets sick and dates get cancelled, but family prevails

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panevanbuckley · 4 years ago

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Buddietines -> Christopher texts buck and Eddie happy Valentines from each of their phones either while they're together or he knows how to schedule them for later, eventually they figure things out but that's after having a happy time together "I'll be your Valentine if you'll be mine." Chris smiles happily laughing at the results.

ahh okay i LOVE this concept and i will forever be weak for Christopher setting them up! I kinda tweaked it a little to make sure they both notice what he did without him actually being on their phones at the same time, i hope you still enjoy it! 💜

#9-1-1 #buddie #buckley diaz family #evan buckley #eddie diaz #christopher diaz

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inawickedlittletown · 5 years ago

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And they cancelled dinner plans! So when I clock out in ten minutes I’m heading straight home and doing nothing but editing that 10k+ fic.

Realizing that I left the house at 10am this morning and probably won’t be back until well after midnight...work and dinner with coworkers. But I wanted to go home and do nothing tonight...

#I am way too excited about being anti social #but this day was just soooo long at work #real life #fic writing #fic editing #I’m aiming to post the fic tomorrow morning since it fits the buddietines prompt for tomorrow

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eddiediaz-buckley · 5 years ago

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Your fav buddie fanfics recs :)

Okay!

First, may I direct you to this post if you haven’t already seen it. I rated my top ten eleven fics for Cher back in December. But I have other favorites and have read more fics since then, so I’ll give you some more!

I’m assuming you saw the fic I shared yesterday, Helping Hands, cause I’m pretty sure that’s what prompted you to ask for more fic recs in the first place.

Here are some of my other favorites that I’ve read recently!

Stay by soft_satan (I literally just finished reading this like 10 minutes before writing this and I loved it)

Words: 31711 | Rating: General Audiences | Summary: Buck’s voice was soft and hesitant, but full of patience when he finally spoke again. “Did I do something to upset you, Chris? I can leave—” “No!” Chris whirled on him, a complete shift from the standoffish vibe he had been giving a second ago. The tears he bravely held back finally broke free from his eyes, sliding down his rosy cheeks from behind his glasses. He shook his head vehemently, the yellow crayon falling to the table. “No, I’m not mad. Please…” His words turned to whimpers, his lip trembling. “Please don’t leave me too.”

born to be brave by tkreyesevandiaz

Words: 3285 | Rating: General Audiences | Summary: It all started with a streaming service subscription. And then they stumbled upon High School Musical: The Musical: The Series.

Buck’s Not-At-All-Secret Admirer by R_E_R6

Words: 1412 | Rating: Not Rated | Summary: Buck has a 'secret admirer'. Everyone knows it's Eddie, even Buck. Eddie has a plan though. Buddietine's week prompt Day 1-Secret Admirer

Ask Me in the Morning by BabylonsFall

Words: 1563 | Rating: General Audiences | Summary: Eddie comes home after a long day. Home to a happy kid asleep, and Buck in his bed, and wanting nothing more than to make this thing they're doing a little more permanent.

hold me while you wait by buddiebuddie (positivelystisaac)

Words: 1865 | Rating: Teen and Up Audiences | Summary: See, the thing is, Buck hadn’t meant to do anything stupid. Then again, he never does but somehow always winds up there anyway.

Cuando Bailas Conmigo by forsimplicityssake

Words: 5965 | Rating: Explicit | Summary: It was supposed to be a simple task: teach Buck how to salsa, because Buck apparently didn't know how and Eddie wanted Buck to feel comfortable at the party. If Eddie had known this was going to end with both of them up against the back of the firehouse, he might have reconsidered. Or, dance lessons always turn extra sexy when you add Marc Anthony.

Alright, anon, there you are! Anyone feel free to drop by any time, I’ll always be willing to rec fics!

#savanna answers #sav's fic recs #buddie #9-1-1 #911 fox

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maroonmorons · 5 years ago

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two day shipping

The day Amazon Prime ruined Evan Buckley's life.

...or did it?

. ♥ .

Written for Day 5 of Buddietines week, Valentine's Day gone wrong.

1.6k, T, read here on ao3

#this has been a fic update #buck x eddie #eddie x buck #buddie #buddietinesweek

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cherishingstydia · 5 years ago

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Buddietines Day 4💕

“Eddie are you busy tomorrow night?”

“Nope. Did you wanna hang out? Chris will be with Abuela, but we can do something.”

“It’s Valentines Day Eve. which is Galentines day for women and their friends so we could have a Broentines day.” Buck said.

Eddie began laughing hysterically.

“Wait you watch parks and rec?” Eddie said in shock due to the fact Buck was usually clueless to all pop culture references.

“What’s that?” Buck asked.

“A tv show. That’s what galentines day is from.” Eddie said.

Buck shrugged. “ I saw it on Instagram.”

“Whatever, but do we really have to call it broentines day?” Eddie cringed.

“Fine. What do you want to call it?” Buck huffed.

“I don’t know.” Eddie bit his lip.

“Broentines Day it is.” Buck laughed.

“So what are we doing?” Eddie bit his lipe

“Dinner and a movie.”

“Sounds good to me.” Eddie nodded

“I’ll cook!” Buck smiled.

“Please make lasagna. I love your lasagna.” Eddie said with excitement.

“Lasagna it is!” Buck grinned.

The next day Eddie arrived at Bucks and all the lights were out the room was filled with candles.

“Um what’s with the candles?” Eddie asked.

“My stupid neighbor blew a fuse. The power should be back on in an hour or two.” Buck sighed.

“Is the lasagna done?” Eddie panicked.

“Chill ok. The food is done it was ready right before I lost power.” Buck smiled.

“Oh good.” Eddie laughed.

With the candles and low lighting it started feeling less like a bro thing and more like a date. A really romantic date.

After dinner they couldn’t use the tv so Buck got his laptop out for their movie. Since the screen was so small they were sitting a little closer than normal. Thighs and shoulders pressed together.

Eddie stretched, and then placed his arm around the back of the couch. Buck knew this move he’d used it quite a few times. Buck could feel Eddies eyes on him, and slowly turned to face him. Heart racing as he saw Eddie leaning closer and closer, lips almost touching until the power flicked on lighting up the room and Buck practically jumped off the couch.

Eddie got up and headed towards the door.

“I’m sorry I.” Buck paused midsentance when Eddie flipped the lights back off and returned next to him on the couch.

“Now where were we?” Eddie grinned leaning closer to Buck.

Buck leaned closer and closer finally their lips met. It started off soft, but quickly became rough and more passion filled Buck was literally in Eddies lap by the time they pulled away.

“I don’t think this is classified as Broentines behavior.” Buck laughed.

“Good that’s a dumb name anyway.” Eddie smiled resting his forehead on Bucks.

#buddie #buddietinesweek #cherishingstydiawrites #eddie diaz #evan buckley #buddietines

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toughpaperround · 5 years ago

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If you like fluffy Buddie and Blind-dates-going-rather-awry fics then please do listen to this recording of 'Accidentally in Love'

Rated T, 18 minutes long.

Written by @tabbytabbytabby

❤️ Shared in celebration of #Buddietines @buddietinesweek

💕🌈💕

#buddie #podfic #buddie podfic #911 fox #accidentally in love #ToughPaperRound reads #buddietinesweek

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justsmilestuffhappens · 5 years ago

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Day 3 (12th of February) - Matchmaking @buddietinesweek

Matchmaking the matchmaker

Buck sat with his water. He hoped that Eddie would show.

Buck could barely drink and he wasn’t planning to stay long. He really hoped Vivian and Eddie hit it off even as just friends. She was great with kids even had her own and worked as a councilor at a school which was how they had met while he was working.

He’d tell Eddie once he got there. They’d talked about it before a little but he hoped Eddie felt comfortable enough to try and buck would take all the blame if he wanted to back out and didn’t feel ready to.

“Hey. You’re not even gonna have one beer?” Eddie pulled buck out of his thoughts as he sat on the barstool beside him.

“No. Sorry to spring this on you but, I got this friend and I think you two would really like each other if your met. You don’t have to. No pressure. but she’s coming by and if you want-.” Buck barely got out.

“You’re trying to play matchmaker? Buck listen, I don’t know man.” Eddie said as the bartender brought his usual already.

“That’s okay. I’m not saying you have to date her, you don’t Eddie. She’s a cool person regardless and she’s a single parent too. You’ve got a few things in common.” Buck stood up.

“Hey cutie. And this handsome man must be Eddie. It’s nice to meet you. I’m Vivian but people call me V.” She hugged buck and shook Eddie’s hand.

“Hi. I was just telling Buck-”

“I, he didn’t know I was gonna introduce you two tonight, ”

At her confused face Eddie began. “My wife died. I haven’t really been in the dating scene. And buck’s a helpful friend that sometimes acts before he thinks, ”

Wow. Buck nearly choked.

“Oh God. That’s tough hun. Reggie’s an ass but I’d still feel horrible if he ever- I don’t know what my little Susie sees in him, hell what I saw in him past those eyes and arms but he’s good with her at least. Can I get some shots please.” She ordered from the bartender as buck went to refuse.

“You brought us here so you’re drinking too Buck, just one mister blood thinners.” V said with a grin. That got a look from Eddie and a shrug which buck thought was good hopefully.

She and Eddie shared conversation about their kids and jobs with buck talking a little as they looked to him. Buck was just about to leave when V stopped him.

“Hey buck. Since it’s broken hearts night in the club wanna dance?”

Buck was always up for dancing even if he wasn’t that good at it.

“Umm. Sure. Be back Eds,”

They left Eddie sitting with his second beer.

They were further away when she started to talk“so Eddie, he’s handsome.”

“Yeah. He gets that a lot.” Buck smiled.

“I think he’s not over her completely yet though. Shit, I don’t blame him, it’s gotta be tough.” She swung her hip bumping Buck who stumbled with a laugh.

“Hey.”

“But I couldn’t help noticing something.” She got closer to hold buck’s shoulders as the song changed rhythm half way through.

“What?”

“He only ever lightened up when we talked about his son yeah I get that. But also he kept trying to make sure he was bring you into the conversation too. He got that same content smile when he talked about you and Christopher. Do you understand what I’m saying buck?” V asked looking into buck’s eyes before looking back at Eddie.

“Are you counseling us?” Buck made a face.

“I try not to but it helps. I was a couples counselor before just so you know. You ever think about it?” V saw buck take a second glance at Eddie.

“I- he’s not- it might not be a good idea right now,” Buck stumbled.

Eddie was suddenly gone startling buck into getting bumped by another couple.

“Relax. He went in the direction of the bathrooms. Go talk to him. Maybe he wasn’t here with the thought of a date with me specifically. I think he’s here for you, to spend time together,” Vivian shrugged while walking back over to the bar. She thought she could at least flirt with the hot bartender.

Buck went to follow Eddie and make sure he was okay.

He came in to the empty room with Eddie’s face wet at the sink. But from the look of his eyes he had to have been crying maybe and was trying to cover it up.

“Eddie. You okay?”

“No. I can’t- she’s nice but it’s not even her. It’s-” Eddie moved to lock the door.

“What’s wrong? Just tell me. V’ll understand. We can leave. I’m sorry.” Buck felt like he was gonna throw up. Either that or Eddie was gonna tell him something he wasn’t gonna like. He’d pushed Eddie too much too soon and ruined it all trying to help. Buck was such an idiot.

“-ous. I don’t know why.” Eddie avoided looking buck in the eye.

“What? I’m sorry. I spaced out Eddie.” Buck moved to touch Eddie’s shoulder but he moved back.

“Stop apologizing!”

“But I am sorry. I should be sorry. I didn’t think. It’s my fault. Eddie you-”

“I’m sorry. I just- I- stop being a coward.” Eddie said.

Buck didn’t understand. “Why am I a coward?”

“I am. Not you buck. Iloveyou. I don’t know when things changed or if it ever really did but buck- I let my feelings get in the way. I called you selfish when you did one thing for yourself. I was wrong, I shouldn’t have-”

“But it was selfish. If I had sucked it up then- I just couldn’t wait. I didn’t want to risk losing everyone. Losing you. I was too busy with my own shit to see you and Christopher needed me when I should have been there,”

Buck frowned, Eddie hated it.

“But it was different. You’re different. You’re not- Christopher needs you and I need you but you can’t be there if I don’t let you or if you’re dead. Not if you’re gone because I pushed you away, either” Eddie moved closer.

“I don’t understand. That’s-. Wait. Did you say you loved me?” Buck’s head was spinning. He could swear he heard that but was it just in his head though.

“I didn’t tell you about Christopher’s nightmares before the lawsuit when I should have. I didn’t want to put you both through it again and I thought I could handle it alone and then I had to. I could still have tried to call but by then it all was just too much. I decked a guy for insulting Christopher when my son could have seen me, I was still in front of the place i left him at. I knocked a guy’s nose in during my fighting phase. I didn’t realize how important you were to our lives until you were gone. And I just kept falling and spiralling downward until I couldn’t stop even when you were back. It wasn’t on you, it was about you but it wasn’t too, not just you, it was how I felt about myself and what happened with shannon,” Eddie tried to catch his breath.

“You were dealing with a lot though Eddie, you still are. No one blames you, we’re just glad you’re trying to be better and getting help because now you know what you were doing wasn't healthy for you or Christopher, and you stopped going. That’s all we can ask for and we’re all here for you both,” buck ran his hand across his face.

“I looked it up after talking to Frank. I- projected my resentment, and the aggression, and depression all these things I was feeling and I couldn't deal with because I kept pushing it aside until I couldn't anymore. I put it on you when none of it was your fault. It wasn’t right. It wasn’t fair. I just wanted to hit something, to hit myself if someone didn't hit me, and to forget, to feel in control for even a moment.”

“I think I can see that now. But if you can forgive me then I can forgive you. It’s what being a part of a team means right? I’m glad you didn’t really want to hit me. I had hoped you didn’t.” Buck bit his lip.

“I’d never hit you. I’d rather hurt myself before I ever hurt you buck. You don’t deserve that and deep down a part of me always knew that.” Eddie looked him in the eye.

“Don’t say you’d hurt yourself though, please Eddie. Fuck. This is weirdest conversation to be having in some dirty bathroom that reeks of piss.” Buck smiled. “And I love you too. Sorry. I think I’m still processing all this. It's a lot.” Buck pulled Eddie into a hug.

Eddie welcomed the firm hold this time. No bruises. No blood. Nothing else. Just them. Right now.

“I’ve got free hugs all day every day if your name is Diaz.” Buck said as Eddie squeezed back gently.

“Hey! Open the fucking door.” “Some of us need to piss you asshole!” “Jerk him off faster already.” They heard as there was a banging on the door.

“Way to ruin a moment huh?” Eddie wiped his eyes and sniffled.

“Couldn’t be sooner. Let’s go someplace cleaner with a bed or a couch to sit down. And I have to thank V before we leave.”

“You set up me being jealous?” Eddie asked with a hurt look before they opened the door.

“No! I wouldn’t do that. She said to talk to you and maybe there was something there between us. She was right it turns out,” Buck unlocked the door.

“Yeah. She’s good at reading people huh?” Eddie said as they walked past the small crowd ignoring them to pay for their drinks.

V was nowhere to be seen.

“You looking for the silver hair and black dress chick?” A new bartender asked.

“Yeah” buck said “have you seen her?”

“She took Will home I think. Said to give you two waters and wish you luck.” She said as Buck got a text.

From V: Don’t wait up. I’m taking the bartender. Hope you’re good with Eddie. Talk later.

“She’s good.” Buck said as they went to leave.

“Christopher’s still with my Abuela. Can we go to yours. I kinda wanna talk a little more and maybe something else.” Eddie asked.

“Yeah. I’ll drive. We’re not doing anything tonight. I wanna date you at least once before I get you in bed Eddie. But I’m not against cuddling or uh maybe kissing” buck laughed as they got out to his jeep.

Things didn’t turn out the way he expected but this was looking to be a lot better though.

“Let’s go home.” Eddie said.

#buddietines week #buddie #buck Buckley #Eddie Diaz #911 #solo mio #my writing #long #ficlet #fic #Valentine's day #Valentine #Valentine's #buddietinesweek

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