#bucky is fuckin satisfied with this plot

[denebolablack]

1940's:

2010's/2020's:

Karma is a funny thing. Isn't it, Captain?

[yee-fxcking-haw]

What Happens Next?

A/N: Y'ALL I FUCKIN DID IT I FINISHED THE DAMN FIC. So I definitely bit off more than I could chew by making my first fic a multipart with so much fucking emotion and such a busy plot but lol we did it! Thank you to everyone who has read the story and asked to be tagged and sent me kind words I love y'all so damn much.

Warnings/Rating: 18+ explicit content, very soft romantic smut, unprotected sex, almost a blowjob, James finishes inside the reader. A lot of fluffy love making petty much a great time.

Summary: In the sixth and final chapter of this series, James and you finally figure your shit out. You have to stop running from each other, what you have is far too brilliant...

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four

Part Five

Playlist

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Part Six

Annie's Diner

"I'm a nurse! I'm a nurse, let me see him!" A soft voice calls out over your shoulder. James' head turns towards the voice, his eyes fluttering back open.

"James?" You ask urgently.

"Relax doll, I was just restin' my eyes for a second. Fightin' off assholes is hard work."

He slowly raises to brace himself on his elbows, wincing a little while he does.

The nurse comes around and drops to her knees on the other side of him. She's a pretty little thing with honey colored hair and bright brown eyes.

"Just give us one second dear, I'm certain he's alright I just need to check for a concussion."

You don't answer, you just nod and get up to turn to the small crowd that's begun to disperse, seemingly disappointed with the lack of action.

This is an opportunity for you to finally take a deep breath and process everything that's happene. Air fills your lungs, shoulders rising and tensing for a moment. You release and let your posture fall back down, letting yourself portray outwardly how drained you feel inside. You've gone from hating James and being terrified of him, to being saved by him, to understanding him to… what now? If everything he's said is true, then everything that happened between you two is just as meaningful as it was before prom. Although, misunderstanding or not, it still hurt like hell. You should be more cautious, right? You shouldn't just run back into his arms like everything's fine, even though it is.

You turn to look back at him, long legs sprawled on the pavement while the alleged nurse checks his pulse and his pupils. He's joking about something, you can tell by the way his eyebrows are sitting higher and the lopsided smile on his face. He's propped up on his elbows, strong arms straining against his shirt. The image sends you back to the afternoon that changed it all, you remember his solid body collapsing onto your lap in a dramatic display of feigned illness. Your lips twitch into a small smile at the thought. You shake your head and walk back towards them.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you look worried about me doll." He jests, the nurse turns to glance at you and smiles fondly.

"Your fella is just fine dear, try and keep him on a shorter leash next time." She chuckles as she stands and dusts off her pretty green skirt, James follows, wincing as he stands.

You feel your cheeks heat up at the implication that James is yours, while he wears a very satisfied smirk at the idea. You swallow thickly and give her a silent nod. James thanks her sweetly for checking him, she says something back to him but you've completely zoned out. Her comment has senr you into a state of utter confusion. Is he your fella? No, you never established that. He did call you his girl though, so that would make him your fella. On top of that, what happened on the roof after Coney Island doesn't just happen between friends, not even friends with benefits. The way he held you so tightly, the way he littered kisses down your spine. Those aren't things you share with someone that doesn't belong to you.

The nurse politely ducks away to go back into the diner with the rest of the onlookers. Leaving you and James to stand alone in the dimly lit parking lot. His jaw looks much worse for wear, the skin is so angry and red. He'll definitely have a bruise, an ugly one at that. James lets out a long sigh, staring down at you with those big blue eyes. Despite it all, the idiot is still smiling. You scowl up at him, you cross your arms and lean to one side, refusing to let him crack you.

"You mad at me?" He asks timidly, he gives you an exaggerated pout while he lifts a hand to tuck some hair behind your ear.

You don't say a word. Of course you're mad at him. He scared you half to death, all for what? Just so he could feel like the tough guy? To prove a point to you? To prove a point to himself? He must have known the fight would end with him beat or worse and he has gall to ask if you're mad?

"Hey." He breathes, his hand comes to rest under your chin so he can tilt your face up with his knuckles. The gesture makes your heart flutter wildly.

"I get it, that was stupid, could've gotten hurt much worse and all that." He says, his eyes are gentle and attentive.

You huff and blink up at him, waiting for the rest of his explanation.

"He just- he came in there talkin' all that shit about you bein' his. It pissed me off is all, you're not his. You're not really anybody's- I mean, I'd like to make you mine- but not in the way he meant. I don't want to own you, I wanna love you, doll. I wanna keep you safe and make you laugh and get my ass beat in skee ball and do all that other cheesy crap. I know I fucked up so badly, but baby please-"

He doesn't get a chance to finish his little rant, the second he calls you baby your hands fly to the sides of his face. As it always does with him, your body moves separate from your mind. You smash your lips into his and you feel his hands settle on your waist, clutching you like you're going to float away at any second. That same baffling electricity thrums through your body as your lips move against each other. The rhythm of the kiss is like an echo of the one you shared on the roof. It has the same tide like push and pull, each of you giving and taking from each other in perfect unison. His lips are soft and urgent against yours, his grip solid and grounding. His hands slide towards each other behind you so his arms can find their home around your waist. The feeling makes you sigh against his lips. After months of being without this feeling, after only having it once, all you've done is want it back and now you have it again.

The kiss only breaks so you can both breathe, foreheads still pressed together, wanting to stay as connected as possible. He smiles down at you, it's a beautiful dopey grin. The look he's giving you makes a shiver run up your spine.

"You wanna go skinny dipping?" You ask, absolutely shocked at your own words.

What the hell? Did Molly fucking possess you? He scoffs and ducks down so his eyes are level with yours.

"Do I wanna what?!" He starts cracking up, and you can't help but join him, the absurdity of it all getting to you.

You can't help but think why the hell not. After all of this, all the confusion and the hurt, you two deserve a night like you shared months ago. Maybe you're an idiot, maybe you're only acting based on an emotional response to what James has done for you tonight. But fucking hell, why not just put it all behind you and live a little? James wants to be yours, he wants you to be his. You need to just let it be and stop fighting the way you both keep hurtling towards each other. So yeah, you want to go skinny dipping. It's the most impulsive, idiotic thing you can think of, and you've always wanted to try it.

"I think you know my answer." He chuckles.

"Let go then." You say quickly, turning on your heels so you can head to the truck before you change your mind.

"Woah kid wait up." He calls out to you while he laughs as he follows.

You reach the truck and swing the door open so you can hop in, he scrambles in as you frantically shove the keys in and crank it into gear.

"Hey." His soft voice snaps you out of your manic state. Your eyes dark to his and you feel your breathing slow down some.

"How 'bout we save the skinny dipping for another time?" He asks, voice soft and steady.

You just nod, becoming aware of how hard you were trying to be light-hearted and fun to mask how overwhelmed you're feeling.

"We don't have to move so fast, doll. We did last time and it didn't go so well, I don't wanna mess up this time." He says, his silvery eyes don't leave yours for a second.

Your head moves up and down silently again, you pull some air into your lungs slowly. He's right. You're trying too hard to make everything ok again. You just want to feel like you did on the roof, you want to be free of all the shit that's happened. James has a point though, you've both learned what happens when things move too quick for you both to keep track of it all. You have to be careful with it this time. Careful and boring are often mistakingly paired together, but not with James. It's undeniable that what you have with him is irreplaceable, which makes it all the more critical that you both handle this like it's made of glass.

"So, what do you want to do?" Your voice is so small, almost unrecognizable.

"I want to dance with you." He states, making your heart soar.

"Like, back at the dance hall?" You ask, the stress evident in your voice.

"God no, we can go to my house." He says it like it's obvious.

"Won't your family mind?" The idea of meeting them now makes you extremely anxious. It would be rather awkward to show up to meet his mother for the first time while he's wearing a shiner you half gave him.

"My Ma and my sister are at my aunt's house." He explains, his voice is laced with a tentative tone.

"Oh…" You exhale gently, understanding the situation.

"Only if you want to, I promise I'll behave." His tone shifts to something slightly taunting.

You can't help but smile, he's always quite the charmer.

"What fun would that be?" You chuckle, "Take me home, Bucky."

The nickname makes him smile in the most dazzling way, it stays glued to his face almost the whole way to his house.

James' House

You pull up to the front of an adorable little white house. It's very sweet looking, very simple and quaint. As the engine dies you glance over at James, he's looking at the house with a very solemn, spaced out gaze. Instinctively, you reach out and grab his hand, sliding your fingers between his own.

"I know…" You say as gently as you can. It's his dad, you know because you wear that look far too often. James just nods slowly, closing his eyes for a moment. You don't dare speak again, you just hold his hand. You don't need to say anything, you don't ever want people to say anything when you have the same feeling. All you can do is sit and understand him. Your chest fills with a horrible ache at the sight, but you're also filled with a strange relief. You aren't alone, and he isn't either. You have each other, you know each other, you get to love each other.

He lets the air fall out of his chest, face softening as he does.

"Thank you, doll." His eyes meet yours and he offers you a weak smile.

"Let's go inside." He says. He walks around to help you out of the truck, offering his hand like a gentleman. You want to slap it away out of instinct, but tonight is different.

He helps you down then wraps his hand around yours as he leads you up the sidewalk.

Before he opens the door he presses a kiss on the side of your head. It's quick and soft, and very different from the way he's kissed you before. Every other time it's felt like he prepared for it, and you had time to brace for it. This time it feels like he's used to doing it, like it's a natural thing.

The house is exactly what you would anticipate the home of a widow to look like. Decorated with lace doilies, soft blankets draped on the couch, and delicate lamps that cast a fuzzy yellow haze over the room. The living room is right off of the front door, and the kitchen is just an extension of it. A cute little staircase is on the left wall leading up to what you can only imagine is an equally quaint upstairs.

James walks confidently into his home, straight for the record player. As he fiddles with it you wander over to the fireplace. The mantle is littered in beautiful family photos, just like at your house. His father is in many of them, kissing his mom, holding a young James on his shoulder, cradling a baby you assume must be James' sister. He was handsome like James, but their faces aren't identical, you can see where his face is a balance of the two individuals. Your chest burns with remorse, knowing that these pictures serve as the only thing they have left of the man they all loved so well.

You startle just a little when James wraps his arms around your waist from behind, but relax when he presses a kiss into the side of your neck.

"It's alright, doll." He mumbles. You don't know if he says it for you or for him, but it doesn't matter. You let yourself sink further into the comfort of being known so well by James.

The music pops into existence, a gentle rhythm fills the room. The song is made of soft trumpets and strings, it's a beautiful, romantic melody. Something you would expect old lovers to sway to in their living room. You and James have the lovers part down, you just need to grow old and have your own living room. Is that even in the cards for you two? You sure as hell hope it is. You remember your realization on the roof that night, thinking about how if love isn't like what you two have, you don't want to love at all.

The feeling suffocates you as he spins you around in his arms. His eyes see right through you as his hands find their home on your waist while your arms slide around his neck.

"I love you doll, I never stopped." He breathes with an urgent look in his eyes.

He starts to sway with you around the living room as you gaze up at him completely dumbfounded. Of course he loves you, and you love him. Yes, you have so much left to learn about each other, but my God has James stolen your heart. Ever since you two left that classroom, you've been consuming each other's thoughts. You've been willing yourselves to try and understand the electricity that sparks between you. It's been so fucking messy, but now that you're in his arms again, dancing like an old married couple, you finally understand it all.

"I love you too…" You say it so softly it's almost not heard, but James catches it.

That dazzling smile spreads across his face, it's contagious nature making your own lips split into a grin.

"Would my outstanding skills in the bedroom have anything to do with that?" He says with a sickly sweet voice.

"James!" You laugh and slap his arm. He throws his head back to let out a playful laugh, the sound sets off a swarm of butterflies in your stomach.

"I wouldn't know what your skills are like in the bedroom anyway, I only know what they're like on a roof." You joke.

"We could change that." He says, his voice taking on a much lower tone.

You both freeze and stare into each other's eyes. The air around you feels so thick and the room starts to blur a little, everything except James.

Then you're on each other. Your lips crash together and your hands snag whatever they can. You let out a whiney noise from the back of your throat, which only spurs James on more. His hand grabs at your waist and he licks at your bottom lip. His actions inspire a wonderful heat to settle in your stomach, the feeling gives you confidence you've never felt before. You slide your hands up his chest to grasp his collar, silently begging him to come closer. The two of you break for air for only a second, eyes glued to each other as you pant and try to comprehend the fire growing between you.

"What are you waiting for, Bucky?" You tease.

A wild look spreads in his eyes and a wide grin overtakes his handsome face. Before you can make another witty comment, James brings his strong hands to the backs of your thighs and hoists you up so you can wrap your legs around him. You let out a shocked giggle but gladly welcome his choice to hold you like this. Now level with his face, you throw your arms around his shoulders and place a chaste kiss on the tip of his nose. He wrinkles his face dramatically and let's out a low chuckle.

"I'm gonna drive you wild, doll." He responds with all the confidence in the world.

Of course, his words make your chest ache with desire, your thighs involuntarily squeeze him a little tighter. With the natural push and pull that you two have, his body responds to your actions without thought. He lets his hands slide up to hold your thighs dangerously close to the swell of your ass, fire spreading to your center as he does.

"That's some big talk." You mumble, blinking at him slowly.

"It sure is." His eyes wander down to your lips, not even a second passes before you're on each other again. He damn near kisses the breath out of your lungs this time, his soft, skilled lips make you head spin and all you can do is hold on tight.

"Can I take you to my room?" He asks against your lips. His voice has a gentle, begging tone to it that makes you shiver.

"Please." You sigh as you let your hands slide into the soft hair on the back of his head. He kisses you hard and walks blindly up the stairs, then he's kicking the door open to what you can only assume is his room. You feel your body falling then feel your back meet a soft mattress. Bucky settles easily between your legs and your heart races when you feel how hard he is already. His hot mouth is on your neck instantly, painting your skin with needy kisses.

"Can I take this off of you?" He mumbles while he pulls at the fabric of your dress.

You can't help but giggle at his enthusiasm.

"Gettin' right into it, huh?" You say.

He brings his hand up so he can hold your face and run his thumb across your cheek bone. His eyes are soft but determined as he studies your face.

"I don't wanna waste any more time." He says simply, the phrase is loaded with months of longing. His confession dazzles you, leaving you laying there with no idea how to breathe. All you can do is nod in understanding and revel in the feeling of his wet kisses against your neck again. He gently hikes your dress up to your waist, then quickly brings his hands back down so he can run them up your thighs. His hands settle on your hips, thumbs pressing on the bones so he can pin you down slightly as he rolls his hips against your center.

Your hands instinctively claw at his broad back as a hiss leaves your lips.

"Let me get on top." You sigh, completely shocking yourself with your boldness.

You feel him smile against your collar bone before his hands glide up to hold your waist. He flips you both over with ease, granting you your wish without argument. You catch your breath as you settle on his lap, hands splayed across his chest.

"I'm all yours, doll." His eyes fall down your body sinfully, making your chest seize up and your legs squeeze around him.

You lean down to capture his lips in yours again, sighing contentedly when he moves against you like he did when you kissed for the first time on the roof.

"I missed you." You mutter against his mouth.

"Let's make up for that, yeah?" He replies quickly as he moves to pull your dress over your head. You lift your arms and let him undress you as you sit back. Soon the dress is out of the way and his warm hands are holding your waist again, thumbs brushing up and down against your skin. You become suddenly ashamed of your lackluster underwear and you feel your cheeks heat up as you watch James' eyes skate down your figure. As if he senses you unease, he sits up and snakes his arms around your waist. He presses a delicate kiss into the swell of each of your breasts as you card your fingers through his hair.

"You're so perfect." He whispers against your skin.

"Can I take this off?" He asks, bringing his thumbs up to hook his fingers around your bra straps.

Somehow, everything about this feels even more innocent than the first time you two made love. Maybe it's the knowledge that you don't have to show off, talk dirty, or have all the hot moves in order to impress each other. You're both just enchanted by the presence of one another. Finally, you're both able to just be together. There's no fear of what people will say about you in school tomorrow, no terrifying rumor hanging over your head. Just you and James, able to lose yourselves completely in this wonderful moment you've found.

You carefully undress each other, leaving tender kisses on any newly exposed skin, whispering sweet nothings as well as declarations of devotion. You cherish every second that passes as you explore each other's bodies again. Soon you're both fully exposed to each other, your hands grasp desperately at his shoulder as soon as you feel his erect length graze your core. You think back to how his lips felt between your legs, and you immediately want to repay the favor. You slink down his body until you settle between his legs. His abs tense as you slide your palms up his muscular thighs.

You know Bucky is big, especially after last time, but being face to face with his dick makes you realize his size is genuinely intimidating. He looks beautiful like this, all flushed and hard. His tip is a pretty shade of dark pink, similar to his lips, and there's a small bead of precum leaking out of his slit. The sight makes you clench your thighs and lick your lips.

"See somethin' you like?" He teases.

"I sure do." You flirt back, wasting no time in wrapping your hand around his length to give him one slow pump. He throws his head back with as you bring your lips to his tip and give it a chaste kiss.

"Tell me if I do something wrong, please." You say, the tremble in your voice revealing just how nervous you really are.

James shoots up instantly, grabbing the wrist of the hand that's around his dick while the other comes up to cup your face. His thumb slides across your cheek bone affectionately as he stares at you with his kind blue eyes.

"Doll, if you're not ready for that, don't do it." His voice is like rich hot chocolate, spreading through your body and warming every nerve.

"But, last time you- I figure I owed you…" It makes sense in your head, but by the look he gives you it doesn't make any sense to him.

"Baby," He breathes out, leaning in to kiss your forehead, "Come here."

With gentle hands he pulls you into his lap so you can straddle him while he takes your face in his hands, gazing up at you with intensity.

"Anything I do for you, is because I want to. You don't owe me a damn thing. If you're ever not ready for something you tell me, and we can talk about it, ok?" His voice has a hint of urgency to it, like he can't stress the words enough.

You nod silently as you try to understand the man beneath you. Your brain desperately claws through your vocabulary to find the words to best describe the beautiful human being you've fallen for. All you can come up with is something terribly insufficient, but incredibly accurate. He's kind. He's a "heart if gold" kind of guy. Under the charm, the handsome face, the quick witted humor, James Barnes is the kindest person you've ever met.

Your lips are on his before he can say anything else, following that involuntary reaction you've developed whenever you're around him. He kisses you back as fiercely as you kiss him, heavy breaths falling from his mouth as you work against one another. You can't help but whimper when you feel the hot skin of his dick slide along your drenched core.

"Make love to me, James, please-" You beg against his lips.

All he can manage is a moan against your mouth as he reaches down between you to grab himself so he can get lined up at your entrance. He opens his mouth to say something, but it's stolen from him as you inch down to slide the tip in. A beautiful, lustful sigh leaves his puffy lips as you do. It's still a harsh stretch for your walls, but this time you can anticipate it and welcome it. Slowly, you descend until he's in you completely. As soon as he's bottomed out you lean your forehead on his shoulder and let out a pitiful whine.

"You ok, doll?" He asks, nudging his nose against your jaw.

"I'm good, you're just so big…" You sigh. His grip on your waist tightens and you feel him twitch inside you.

"Careful sweetheart, don't want this ego getting any bigger." He teases, earning an airy giggle from you.

You brace yourself by holding his shoulders, rolling your hips tentatively. He kisses your neck when you do so and slides his arms around your waist, so you must be doing something right. You mimic the movement with a little more confidence this time. You can't help but bring your head up and send James a nervous glance, and he's more than willing to reassure you.

"That's good baby, that feels good." He says with a voice like honey as he skates his lips across your neck.

His praising words make your insides melt, spurring you on as you keep rolling against him. The way the soft skin of his dick moves against your soaked walls in euphoric. Your hands cling to each other, lips kiss where the can, short breaths fall from your mouth. All of it creates a truly beautiful atmosphere. It's nothing like the urgent, frantic mood you had last time. This doesn't feel like two teenagers who can't wait to see somebody naked for the first time. This feels like two people who want to be uncovered by each other.

His hands slide so he can spread his palms across your damp back and you shiver from the feather soft intimacy of the motion. Your forehead falls against his and your eyes lock.

"You're incredible." You sigh as brilliant sparks of pleasure start to build in your core.

You slowly build the pace of your hips until you're rocking against him with a rhythm that makes his nails claw at your back as he groans and pants. He's so deep inside you, reaching and rubbing against every sweet spot you have.

"Fuck- that's perfect doll- so fucking perfect." His voice has climbed in pitch slightly, he sounds almost whiney.

Your head falls to his shoulder, you shove your mouth against his collarbone in an attempt to muffle a pitiful sob as it shakes your abdomen. The feelings are all so fucking intense, your eyes screw shut as your walls start to flutter. Your chest aches as your head spins, completely incapable of comprehending all of the sensations drowning you in this moment.

"James- James I'm gonna-" Your words are cut off completely as one of his strong arms easily cradles you so he can flip you onto your back. You hit the mattress and he doesn't give you a single second to catch your breath before he's rocking his hips against yours.

"Fucking hell." You huff out as he plants his hands on either side of your head so he can bare down even more when he thrusts.

"I wanna see you, wanna see that pretty face." Both of you moan uncontrollably when you spread your legs even more to give him better access. Soon he's hitting some rapturous spot deep within you, setting off every nerve in your body.

Tears gather in your eyes and it takes every ounce of self control you have to not succumb to the desire to start crying beneath him. His body is moving so beautifully above you, every muscle working to give you everything he has. Your eyes burn with the tears you refuse to let fall as you pull your bottom lip into your mouth to keep another sob caged inside you.

"Baby, don't hide anything." He says with a broken voice as he drops to his elbows so he can bring his face closer to your own.

"Cry if you need to, I got you." He punctuates his sentence with a stunning moan, and it absolutely breaks you. Your body trembles as you finally release all the emotion you've been suppressing. Your back arches and you finally let the tears cascade down the sides of your face. The sight of you falling apart beneath him, so fragile and overstimulated, it motivates him even more. His pace increases as he chants nonsense phrases of adoration to you.

He tells you how beautiful you are, how tight you feel, how good you are for him. All while your entire body quakes for him and his magnificent pace. You don't want to say his thrusts are hard, that word seems so utterly insufficient for how he's making love to you right now. His movements are committed, he fills you up with every push in and leaves you wanting so much more every time he draws back out.

"Baby you feel so good- fuck- please don't stop." You beg him as your cunt starts to pulse around him again, body edging towards that blinding release.

"No fuckin' way, I'm never gonna stop." He pants while his thick eyebrows push towards each other as his face crumples into a look of intense focus.

He braces himself on one arm so he can snake a skilled hand between your bodies, thumb finding your swollen clit almost immediately. It hits you immediately, almost before he even touches your sensitive bud. Your body anticipates his touch and sends itself over the edge, and my God it's fucking brilliant. Your pussy grips onto his cock as it slides in and out, your hands claw at his hot skin as his name falls from your lips. You sing him a pitiful song, made of incoherent swearing and plenty of crying.

"That's it sweet girl, give it to me- shit you're squeezin' the life outta me." You barely retain the words as he spits them out between frantic breaths as he chases his own high.

In one fluent motion, James flips your legs over each of his shoulders. He grabs the meat of your hips and lifts your pelvis off the bed as he brings his torso upright so he can settle back on his knees. If you thought you were crying before, you were fucking wrong. You scream out as tears flood your face, you can't tell if you're hurtling into another orgasm before your first has even finished, or if it's all just one long, mind numbing climax. Regardless, it's too good to be true. Every inch of you tingles and clenches as James snaps his hips into you, the angle sends fluorescent jolts of pleasure into your cunt and up your abs.

"Yeah doll, keep cumming for me, you feel so fuckin' perfect." He tosses his head back as he nearly shouts your name.

Your body starts to cool down just enough to provide some clarity. You're still twitching and tears are still rolling, but you at least have the wits to throw some praises at him. It's the least you can do when he's working so hard to make you fall apart.

"Fuck James, you made me cum so hard." Your words have an affect on him instantly, his fingertips bite at your flesh as hips tense and you feel his cock twitch inside you.

"You make me feel so good baby, you drive me fuckin' crazy." He lets go of your hips and throws your legs apart so he can fall on top of you again. He presses his forehead against yours before his lips meet your own so he can kiss you like it's the last time he'll ever have the chance.

"Let me feel you cum James- fuck- do it inside me, I want you to cum inside me." Your hands are at the sides of his face, thumbs rubbing his temples affectionately as you lose your mind.

"Oh baby- shit doll- I'm gonna- oh my God- Fuck!" With that final exclamation he buries himself inside you, enchanting moans fall from his full lips as he tenses and fills you. You hold still and focus on the feeling of his cock pulsing inside you as he moans above you. His sounds are so full of relief and what must be exhaustion. Your eyes flutter open to observe him while he finishes. His eyebrows are high with his eyes shut and his lips parted as he tries to catch his breath while his orgasm fizzles out. His eyelids slowly peel apart and soon you're both watching each other. You're completely enthralled by the work of art above you, and he is entirely captured by the muse below him.

Slowly, like he doesn't want to ever leave, he inches his softening length out of you. You hate the feeling of him leaving your body, you hate how empty you feel. He presses a fond kiss to your forehead while he smooths some of your sweaty hair down.

"Don't move." He whispers. Then he's off of the bed and through his bedroom door, you assume to find something to get you both cleaned up.

Your body is still buzzing from every moment you've just shared with him, you gingerly roll to your side and pull the sheets up against your naked form. You pay little mind the mess spilling from your core, ignorant to the possible consequences it might have. You glance around his room, taking note of all the baseball cards, the toy cars, and the dirty sneakers. The room is bathed in the dull yellow streetlights, giving it a glow that seems otherworldly. It all does. Especially James.

He reappears with a washcloth and a glass of water. The sight makes your heart swell immeasurably, he's still naked but it doesn't strike you as anything to be bashful about. It's all of him, all of James and his unmatched beauty. It feels natural to be this exposed with each other, it feels right.

"Such a gentleman." You tease as he walks towards the bed so he can sit on the edge.

"For you? Of course." His smile is as dazzling as always while he hands you the glass of water. You prop yourself up on your elbows so you can take the glass and sip it slowly. Thankful for the relief the cold liquid brings your exhausted throat.

"Spread those gorgeous legs." He says as he takes the glass back from you so he can set it on the nightstand.

"Round two already?" You joke.

His laugh is full and rich, it spreads through your veins and makes adoration bubble in your chest.

"Not yet, doll." He presses the cloth between your folds to clean up his mess, the sensation makes you jump a little, but he's done as quickly as he's started. The cloth joins a pile of dirty clothes in the corner after he tosses over his shoulder, then he's climbing back into bed with you. He opens his arms once he's on his back beside you. Naturally, you settle into his side and lay your head on his chest. His fingers trace along your spine as he kisses the crown of your head.

"You're a beautiful little thing." He mumbles, voice heavy with a sleepy tone.

"You're perfect, just perfect." It almost sounds like he's talking in his sleep, so you glance up to check.

He's wide awake, glacial eyes piercing your own as he gazes down at you.

"Thank you, for all of this." You say. By all of it, you mean for the love, for the spark of life, for the precious bond you've found. Somehow without saying all of it, you know he knows exactly what you mean.

"Thank you for loving an idiot like me." He says softly.

"It couldn't be anybody else." You say, completely resolute in your admittance.

You lay there like that for God knows how long, just drinking each other in. Mumbling words of praise, astounded by each other's existence. You exchange sweet little jokes, press priceless kisses into every inch of skin you can reach, and make beautiful promises.

"James?" You say as you draw figure eights on his chest with your finger tip.

"What happens next?" You question.

He takes a deep breath in as he twirls your hair between his fingers.

"Well-" He's cut off by the sound of the front door opening. You both bolt upright off the bed, clinging to the sheets. The sounds of lovely, soft laughter fills the house. One is the laugh of a woman, full and warm, the other is bright and twinkly, obviously belonging to a younger girl.

"Shit." You whisper simultaneously as you glance at each other with pounding hearts.

"James?" The woman's voice calls.

"Yeah ma?" James hollers back, hand coming to hold yours as he tries to keep his mouth straight, obviously entertained by the misfortune of the situation.

"Whose truck is that out front?" She asks, then footsteps start to echo as she climbs the stairs.

"Oh my God." You whisper.

"I guess you're meeting my mom, that's what happens next." He says quietly. Your eyes are on his immediately, every reasonable part of you says to panic, but the look on James' face is absolutely priceless. His cheeks are pink as he pulls his lips over his teeth to keep from busting out in laughter. It's ok though, you do it for him. Soon you're both doubling over with laughter, embracing the inevitable awkward encounter that you're about to have with his poor mother. It'll be ok, it'll be wonderful, anything will as long as you two stick together.

Taglist:

@b-o-n-e-daddy @lillsrecs @all-art-is-quite-useless @brownlee-22 @peace-love-hobbitness @pinknerdpanda @supernaturalwintersoldier @can-i-sin-right-now @pennyroyalcreep @jessyballet @calwitch @aurora-sweet @learisa

[fieldbears]

Washed-Up Stucky MNF/Fic Writer Provides Endgame Opinions

I’m going to try to tackle this linearly, at least to begin with:

I am very much Team Bored With MCU Hawkeye, but I want to give sincere props for the cold open, which I think accomplished several things simultaneously: recapped the consequences of the last film (since, hey, it’s been a fuckin while), set the tone, and began Clint’s narrative arc.

That said, jesus, I’m still irritated by the shoe-horned family to begin with. First they were invented for convenience and narrative stakes, and then their final, ultimate reason for existence was to be temporarily fridged. Take a moment to imagine a world where Clint was the circus runaway loner he was supposed to be, who only had his coworkers as found family, who either responded to The Snap by throwing himself harder into his teamwork work OR went rogue because his sense of justice and agency was so fucking destroyed by what happened. He didn’t need a blood family to have the arc he had. And he didn’t even need the arc he had. But this is a bitchfest about a choice made many years ago, not made in this final movie.

The first third of that movie was rough. The whole thing had the narrative flow of “A Series of Related Short Stories Played One After the Other”, but the first third seems to be Failing To Establish the New World and then Clumsily Establishing The Emerging Situation.

The establishing shots and scenes to show the audience what The Snap’s consequences were worldwide were... lacking. It’s dark? No more baseball? People are relying on natural light instead of interior lighting, but this is also happening at Avengers HQ, where they clearly still have power and internet access to work their tech, so... was it just an aesthetic choice? I feel like the film tried to spend time showing us what the consequences were for the average New Yorker, but instead we get a weird Canonly Gay Russo Character who gave a good performance that tells us about the human loss but not about the mechanics of this new world. We get the ‘no baseball’ shot and all we get afterward are ‘people miss the missing people’. But restaurants still exist? Businesses are functioning? (Wouldn’t New York run kind of smoother if it wasn’t overpopulated?) I feel like we were invited to start thinking about how this dystopia works, but were never given answers. (There are so many interpretations of how things could go wrong if certain people just disappeared, and their knowledge/access were suddenly unavailable, and none of it was explored, even briefly, outside of establishing shots.)

The Garden Planet - it’s discovery, the traveling to it, the fight there - lacked emotional grounding in a way I find hard to explain. The audience was excited for Brie Larson being a fucking boss, and the quick execution of the grab-him-and-cut-his-arm-off plan was satisfying, but the twist and subsequent letdown was just a weird beat after a slog to get there, after waiting on a deep letdown beat from the last movie.

Last thing about flow and emotional beats, because I want to move on to character analysis, and this is a huge one for me: Clint’s fight in Tokyo and Steve’s fight with himself were some of the biggest missed opportunities in the entire film.

Not counting the football field brawl at the end, which I don’t count as a real fight scene, these are the two major fight scenes of the entire film and as far as I can tell, there was no effort made to make these showpieces. They went to the trouble of bringing Clint to Bladerunner Central, and pit him against the last bastion of aesthetic-obsessed mafia in the world. The panning camera in the interior as Hawkeye fought goons brushed past lazy fight scenes that only showed who was winning, not the brutality that Clint was supposedly falling into, not the grit of this new awful world, just... shapeless dark bodies getting thrown through windows? And on top of that, they could have made up (or picked from canon) any Big Bad to pit him against outside in the street, and we get an Orientalist sword fight that could have fit in nicely on a CW superhero show, and some of the most unnecessary exposition dialogue I have ever heard. Someone bothered to weave Clint’s arc in earlier, with Rhodey explaining to Natasha that Clint’s gone International and also Worryingly Dark. Why the fuck do we have the ‘I’ll give you anything you want’ line, on the rotten cherry on top of ‘stop being mean to the yakuza, we didn’t start it’? You already covered his motivations with the cold open.

And while Steve’s fight ended in a FABULOUSLY HEARTBREAKING WAY, the fight itself was nothing - you can pick little character details out like how they both ditched their shields almost immediately, and it was funny that Then-Steve mistook Now-Steve for Loki in the first place, but it was still a completely lost opportunity to get one true superhero battle in this three-hour slog. Both Steves could have gotten up and carried out the rest of the narrative after a decent brawl, but instead they fall a great distance after some blocked shots and it... was nothing? Missed opportunity for some cool shit.

Okay, skipping to character assessments now:

Clint’s character has been mishandled from the beginning and this seemed to be the “better late than never” eleventh hour arc. Except the end of the arc is unclear - it made sense for him to fall apart after losing his Shoehorn Family, but how did Natasha’s choice to fall do anything but fridge someone else, with more agency this time? It makes Natasha noble, which she already was, and it made her win against Clint, which I appreciate, but Natasha didn’t need salvation through death and Clint learns nothing by getting them back, just experiences relief.

Bruce. I want to say, first, that I love Hulk in a Cardigan. Cardihulk can stay. I want fanart, I want t-shirts, give me all of it. But Bruce’s explanation of “I scienced it so I could get the best of both worlds” only gives us half of the acceptance that Banner’s character is already working towards. As we saw most explicitly in Ragnarok, the Hulk isn’t just a physical form, he has his own separate consciousness, originally defined by rage but revealed to be more complicated. Bruce merging into Cardihulk seems to have... erased Hulk’s separate consciousness without merging it into himself? If there had been some acknowledgement of a second voice still within him that shot out opinions or demands for certain menu items in the diner, this would have been a much cleaner end to his arc, which has been equally messy between actor and narrative shifts.

Speaking of Ragnarok... it’s time! Are you ready? Have you read articles about the Gambit Gambit too? Are you fucking depressed that a fat suit was used for comedy gags in the year of our lord 2019? Because I was. The Russos seemed to... not struggle with what progress Ragnarok had put onto Bruce and Thor’s characters, but reject it. This movie’s Thor was anxious for laughs, was desperate for easy answers to a a feeling of lost heroism, and it didn’t feel like a familiar character. The time-travel scene with his mother wrapped it up very elegantly, and was well performed, but that scene didn’t need to follow a series of “chunky drunk in sweatpants” jokes to show us that Thor was struggling. Everyone in the film is fucking holding on by their fingernails, but only one is played for cheap laughs.

At least we get the bisexual Asgard lady king we deserved.

Tony got the right death. He got a hero’s death and Pepper’s last lines of “you can rest now” were exactly the right lines to wrap up an arc characterized by fear and a desire to protect and control at any cost. I knew the MCU was never going to really acknowledge that Tony’s The Problem, even with lines like ‘you should have let me do the fascist robot thing, that was gonna work fine’ thrown around pretty much as soon as he touches down on earth again.

I’m not sure if there’s much to say about Natasha. It was fitting that she was running HQ, that she was struggling, that she was rejecting emotional help from Steve but clearly still close with him. Seeing her break down after hearing the report on Clint felt right after, I think, being told by several directors (or making the personal acting choice? idk) to just be as flat and as decolletagey as possible. And again, while I feel like she would be self-sacrificing on that cliffisde if given the opportunity, and that she would win, the narrative choice to place her there and have that be her end didn’t really give her anything she didn’t already have. She had nothing to prove.

I have a hard time really laying out my thoughts on Steve without launching into the pregnant absence of Bucky, but I’m going to try. Chris Evans did a good job being the emotional heart of a really fractured story with a lot of conflicting pieces. Seeing him lead a talk therapy session after The Snap seemed very out of character for him until one realizes that Sam isn’t there to lead it himself. His scene offering help to Natasha was another good scene between them proving that not every m/f relationship has to be sexual to be interesting or add to the plot. His leadership speech during the Stupid Fucking Slow-Mo Heroes’ Walk to the platform was well done and makes me think of what could have been for the MCU, if they’d ever just let them be a cohesive found-family team for twenty minutes and let them fight some doom-bots or something. Fuck. Imagine.

Something weirdly satisfying about the deceitful ‘hail hydra’ line in the elevator. Yes? Yes.

The hammer scene was satisfying to me without being too gratuitous, but I’ll acknowledge that some people weren’t into it. Having paid more attention to Steve’s arc than most, I’ll argue that he earned it several times over.

His ending - that is, the secret life he alludes to but doesn’t explicitly reveal to Sam - is earned too. I’ve read at least one thing saying that Steve’s arc was all about him learning to let go, but that’s... never what Steve does. Not at the end of any arc, of any comic story, does Steve let go. Not of his principles, not of the people he loves, he is always “Thinking... Thinking About Bucky!” and getting in fights he can’t necessarily win. So I don’t think his final ending is ever Learning to Let Go. I think it’s fair that it’s Just Once, Just This One Time, Getting What You Want And Getting To Enjoy It.

And now I’m backtracking to Bucky. I’ve read one article already that theorizes that Steve’s arc, which was highly prioritized, included literally as little direct interaction with Bucky as possible because... the MCU? the Russos? Marvel?...  is aware that Steve/Bucky is the most popular same-sex ship in the MCU. And that’s tiresome as fuck but I think there’s some truth to it. I wonder if, like in Civil War, we’ll hear later from the actors that a lot of contextual one-on-one scenes were shot and then mysteriously cut from the final edit.

I will say that in my head, Bucky is relaxed when Steve goes back in time for the final time, and lets Sam goes to talk with Steve one-on-one at the bench, because Bucky is not worried if Steve will come back, and does not feel a need to check on Steve on the bench. Because, like Peggy, Bucky has been getting secret visits too. Maybe as far back as during his time in Wakanda, but certainly since the final fight with Thanos. Bucky was calm because he already knew. He didn’t miss Steve because Steve hadn’t given him an opportunity to do so.

d

[dmydfilmreviews]

MARVEL MOMENTS

 So what they really did, as well as making a good load of films, was actually make a vast tapestry of genius interwoven moments like flicking through a big comic book! Ten years! Twenty something movies! A load of rubbish images at the end of the list because the last three films weren’t officially out on Blu Ray! Avengers assssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

Tony Builds the First Suit

 Really it was a stroke of brilliance to start the whole shebang with Iron Man the self-made superhero. The backbone of the whole universe is that of Tony making himself and that all kicks off here, in a sequence that’s hugely thematically satisfying given what comes later. There’s also the fact that back in the day all this construction stuff was just fucking cool, a Nolan-lite bedrock for a blend of realism and fantasy that comic-book cinema had never quite nailed before. Seeing Tony improve his tech step-by-step is a quiet pleasure of these movies, the suits getting more and more outlandish but staying absolutely believable, just like the films, and that all kicks off here with one guy and a non-magical hammer.

Pepper Pulls Out Tony’s Heart

 I noted these all down before Endgame, honestly. Sob. It was always his story really. The best example of the foundational relationship of the MCU: They finish each other’s sentences!

‘Truth is… I am Iron Man.’

 They knew what they’d got from the very first. This ballsy coda sets the tone for the whole MCU, one of backed-up swagger, a willingness to fuck with the source material in the name of story and the general feeling that Robert Downey Jr. was God. All in like two hours. That they flipped the egotistically iconic line into an era-defining declaration of responsibility, growth and heroism a decade later is nothing short of remarkable.

Hulk and Betty in the Rain

 It’s uh… it’s a nice comic-book visual of a classic comic book romance, I guess? Look, Hulk came a long way later, but his forgotten love for Betty was the closest they ever came to the source material outside of the Hulk generally smashing and being awesome. It was sweet!

The Bit Where Hulk Suplexes a Giant Zombie Wolf on the Rainbow Bridge of Asgard

 wait was this in the Incredible Hulk

I’ve Successfully Privatised World Peace!’ ‘Fuck you, Mr Stark.’

 They got Garry Shandling in these movies!

The Suitcase Suit

 Now that is a cool-ass adaptation.

Black Widow Kicks Asses

 Yeah, after a whole movie of being reductive eye-candy she was still reductive eye-candy here. But the scene as a whole’s basically a perfect realisation of her moves in the comics, and showed Marvel were capable of doing someone who wasn’t Iron Man. Then they did EVERYYYYOONNNNNNEEE bonus points for Happy taking out that one guy and yelling ‘I got him!’

Tony and Rhodey in the Japanese Gardens

 Look, they just look cool, OK? No one said this was going to be deep.

Tony and Pepper as the Stark Expo Explodes

 They haven’t managed a lot of great romance, but this one hella works: Tony’s overblown mess of a movie expo exploding behind the true love of his life is a visual so great that Shane Black nicked it wholesale for the climax of Iron Man Three: Christmas in Croydon.

The Frost Giant Throwdown

 Wait, what’s happening? I thought these were the movies where Jeff Bridges rode a Segway? Are we in SPAAAAACCCCCEEEE?

Thor Can’t Pull It Off

 Out of the big three Thor’s arc of mythology to humanity might be the deepest and most satisfying of all. That starts here with his tearful inability to be worthy of his father, his world and, crucially, himself, leading directly into the first great Thor/Loki exchange, then a whole host of movies that eventually put him through the emotional wringer to self-acceptance. Hopefully?

Thor and Loki Battle on the Rainbow Bridge

 Yeah, it looks kind of goofy, but this is pure sixties Kirby, shorn of the irony the series would develop later. Beautiful.

Erskine Points To Cap’s Heart

 That’s it. That’s the character.

The Star Spangled Man!

 Who’ll hang a noose on the goose-stepping goons from Berliiiin?

That Whole War Montage That Ends With Bucky Falling From The Train

 Just smash after smash after smash of wartime Cap goodness that we’d never see again, ending with the ‘death’ that’d define the rest of his story. Steve lost as much as Thanos in his quest for peace but, y’know, he wasn’t a total fucking intergalactic dick about it.

‘I gotta put her in the water!’

 Man alive he waited for that date... whether you think the ending of Endgame ruins the moment somewhat (it doesn’t. sort of), this was still the biggest heart-tugger in the MCU at that point, and defined the characters of Cap and Peggy for years to come. Watch Agent Carter! Just bloody watch it!

'Lemme Put You On Hold’

 The stand out moment of The Avengers is basically all of it, but let’s start with the moment Black Widow finally becomes a character, a sequence of broad-strokes skill from Scarlett Johansson and Joss Whedon that begged for a movie she finally got way too long later. Bonus points for possibly the greatest Coulson reaction shot in a history of great reaction shots.

The Helicarrier Ascends

 OK, shit – this is series is big now.

The Whole of Stuttgart

 Whedon’s love of classical posh entertainment is seen in Angel’s superior ballet episode and his fondness for Sondheim, and he even gets a bit of the ol’ jewellery rattling in here in a perfectly pitched Loki-loving sequence that culminates in some fantastic bits for Cap before Iron Man AC/DC’s all over the place. This is where the comic book stuff really kicks off.

‘YOU COME HOME!’

 This Hemsworth’s fella’s really got something...

Forest Bro Down

 Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. The first real Avengers mash-up is just wonderful. This is where the wish-fulfilment really begins, in a quiet clearing, where three superheroes nearly beat the shit out of each other in classic comic-book style. The Avengers assembled.

The Whole Fuckin’ Helicarrier Sequence

 An absolute masterpiece of blockbuster juggling that had never been done before, this could be the third act of any other film. Over what plays out weirdly like a piece of theatre we get terrifying Hulks, mewling quims and awesome heroics, all expertly laced with wonderful character mash-ups and action we’d never seen before. Then Coulson dies. This is what Joss Whedon does.

‘There was an idea…’

 Fuck shit yeah there was, and it made for a hell of an Infinity War trailer six years later.

ALL OF NEW YORK

 Yep, all of it, but if we’re being picky it’s Hulk v Loki for the comedy side, the tracking shot for the action. As a sequence it’s never been bettered in the MCU, even in the open-mouthed joy-gush of Infinity War and Endgame. FIGHT ME

Go Fish

 Iron Man Three is a wonderful movie that works best as the sum of its parts, but there’s one bit that’s up there with the pantheon: the sky-diving rescue above the bay is such a joyous subversion of the usual third-act super-fisticuffs that it’s like something out of a 70’s Superman movie, only with a hilarious capper at the end where Iron Man explodes under a truck. Beep beep!

Running the Lemurian Star

 The Russo Brother’s action calling-card for their incredible MCU run, this sets up their vision of Cap’s super-subtle-super-serum-super-moves. From the off it’s a game changer in the way action’s shot across the MCU, clean-cut raid-alikes becoming the order of the day. AND THEN HE FIGHTS BATROC ZE LEAPER

Elevator Throwdown

 Yeah, yeah, we all know the actual bit in the elevator that’s spoofed to tremendous effect come Endgame, but remember this sequence ends with Cap TAKING DOWN A FUCKING QUINJET SINGLE-HANDED. The look on his face at the end says it all.

The Winter Soldier Street Fight

HE FLICKS A KNIFE MID PUNCH

Come and Get Your Love

 We’d seen a lot of cool shit from the MCU by this point, but this was something else again. It’s funny! It’s funny as fuck! What the fuck is this movie? And again, they know their own best bits: the return to this in Endgame is top drawer. What a moron.

The Kyln Sequence

 This whole breakout is the Guardians at their very best; squabbling in space, reluctant teamwork, loads of cool shit and leg theft. The bit where it all goes anti-grav is a treat.

WE ARE GROOT

 That’s it. That’s the movie.

…Stark…

 It’s a shame they didn’t delve deeper into Scarlet Witch’s hatred for the man who murdered her parents, but her barely contained rage is the keystone for Age of Ultron: deeper, nastier, more questioning of it’s heroes and their heroism. This one they brought on all by themselves.

Sun’s Gettin’ Real Low

 Yeah, maybe it’s for the best the slightly bumbled Hulktasha relationship was forgotten about, but this moment was pivotal in the character development of both. Beautifully shot, and leads to a primo Ragnarok gag.

Lift That Hammer

 You genuinely could have made a whole movie of these characters hanging out at an open bar. The Stan cameo’s great, the War Machine story bit gets an Endgame alien planet boost much later, but it’s the drunken worthiness competition that’s the real highlight, a seemingly fun throwaway that actually almost single-handedly sets up the whole character of Vision and the most fist-pumping moment of Endgame, a movie nearly entirely composed of fist-pumping moments.

Hulk vs Hulkbuster

 Pure comic-book wish fulfilment again, and how. From Hulk spitting out a tooth to Tony desperately pleading ‘go to sleep go to sleep go to sleep’, this mad clash of science pals knocks every Transformers movie straight through a freshly-bought-building. Veronica!

Well Done.

 Alright, Vision’s no one’s favourite Avenger, but he’s one who’s the satisfying product of several movie plots, one beloved supporting AI and the combined brains, magic and cool red capes of his team. Whedon performs his own mad-skillz level script trick to make us accept this fucking weirdo, first by giving him Jarvis’ voice, then having him stare out at a world and see his reflection in it, then having him lift an unliftable character-establishment hammer. None of this could be done by any other film series.

The Geometry of Belief

 Ultron’s climactic church-a-maggedon is short but perfect, a swirling mass of splash-page insanity that culminates in a glorious trinity of Vision, Iron Man and Thor blasting the shit out of their mad son like a magic triangle. The Avengers at their peak.

Vision and Ultron Have a Chat

 Whedon pops out these gems of detached humanism from time to time, and his sundown final exchange between The Avenger’s success and failure is a doozy. The most poetic little scene in the whole MCU, voiced by two creatures who look like nightmarish dildos. ‘A thing isn’t beautiful because it lasts’ is an all-timer.

Big Bathtub

 Ant Man’s bedrock might be its family values, but it’s the shrinking that makes it stand out. The first time Scott drops into tiny-town is a Pixar-esque fun-burst akin to Stephen Strange’s nutso jump into infinity later, with deadly bath taps, thunderclap vacuum cleaners and mid-day apartment raves (?) all bringing a new level of threat and adventure to a series already teeming with variety. They should carry these ones on foreverrrrr

Cassie’s Room

 There’s something about this scene that sums up Scott’s whole character and hopefully sets up his daughter for future ant shenanigans: he is (was) unique as a hero with a family, and no matter how many Pym Particles he stuffs into his suit he’s always looked like a giant to his daughter. Plus, y’know, Thomas the Tank Engine.

Some Guy Crashes a Car at Night

 The catalyst for the great middle schism. Civil War is a masterclass of twisting, gut-churning reveals, and this is the quiet moment that starts it all.

QUEENS

 The perfect Marvel character, introduced into the perfect realisation of the Marvel Universe, perfectly.

Running Into Each Other At The Airport

LITTLE MAN IS BIG NOW I’M CLINT WE HAVEN’T MET YET I DON’T CARE WHERE YOU FROM KID QUEENS BROOKLYN I’M YOUR CONSCIENCE WE HAVEN’T SPOKEN IN A WHILE YOU GUYS KNOW THAT OLD MOVIE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK HOW OLD IS THIS KID ETC ETC OH MY GOD MY BRAIN HAS EXPLODED

Cap vs Iron Man

 ‘I don’t care. He killed my mom.’  

The Big Brain Burst

 They keep doing bits to expand themselves, and this is one of the best, with the most potential for the future. Fleeting, but dazzling.

New York Mirror Fest

 If the next Strange movies delve into this deranged nonsense then they could end up the greatest of all of them. This is the tip of the iceberg, and it’s still unlike anything else being done in mainstream cinema.

Mr Blue Sky

 In a movie that frequently reaches big and misses, at least it hits the spot at the beginning. This glorious celebration of family, space-craziness and genre subversion is everything Guardians does best. The Gamora / Groot bit is adorable.

Peter’s Civil War Adventure

 The perfect tone-setter for the story’s most-average joe, this ground-level view of the universe’s biggest clash acts as a whippet quick intro to Peter Parker’s world in the big bad MCU. It’s always a thrill to see him where he belongs.

The Homage to Getting Buried Under a Tonne of Crap

 Homecoming’s riffs on classic Spidey-lore are generally pretty subtle, but when it comes time to show what Peter’s really made of Watts rips directly from the best, first with the iconic Parker/Spidey face split and then with him holding up a whole fucking building like he’s nerd Hulk or something. The added ‘come on Spider-Mans’ are the adorable icing on the homage-o-cake.

Anytime That Immigrant Song Plays

Another!

Thor vs Hulk

 Yeah, it’s not perfect and it’s a little CGIey. But it’s Thor fighting the Hulk in a fucking galactic gladiator arena place run by Jeff Goldblum and it smashes and it’s full of fun callbacks to previous movies. Yes! That’s what it feels like!

Thor and Loki Do Get Help

 The perfect encapsulation of Waititi’s irreverent-but-with-tonnes-of-heart freshgasm on the story of Thor, this bit of hilarious dumb shit acts as amusing action beat and neat character resolution all in one. They’re friends again! They’re brothers! Thor throws him around like a rolled up carpet!

What Are You The God of Again?

 Oh right, so he’s the best Avenger now.

Killmonger in the Afterlife

 The bloody heart of the most emotional Marvel movie, when Erik Killmonger enters the Wakandan afterlife he finds himself in his own tiny Compton apartment, exiled with his father forever with the plains of eternity just out of reach beyond the window. Heartbreaking, and brilliant.

Thanos Arrives

 The opening of Infinity War is another example of their absolute mastery of tone; after the megaton funblast of Ragnarok we’re thrown into the end of that movie being ripped apart, before Thanos appears, dragging a battered Thor into frame, beats seven shades of green shit out the Hulk and murders two beloved supporting characters, all without breaking a sweat. If you weren’t excited before you were now.

New York Tussle

 The opening New York section of Infinity War is all very clever, acting as the only grounding Earthy moment in what’s a pretty out-there narrative in terms of existential stakes. You get Tony and Wong helping people off the sidewalk and Strange winking after halting the space-death-machine, but from there on out it’s full-bore comic-book smackdown fun, clashing characters who’ve never met and providing top-drawer banter about wizards and children’s parties. This is the page, up there on screen.

BRING ME THANOS!

 BRING ME THANOS!

The Thanos Fight

 Jesus fucking Christ. Up there with the end of Avengers and the Civil War airport battle, this is a perfect realisation of superhero action, with a bigger dose of high-level insanity courtesy of the Infinity Stones and Doctor Strange. Sublimely realised, incredibly satisfying, with real weight and thought put into the spectacle, it’s also fantastic in the narrative of the film, the culmination of its themes of desperation and inevitability. The first time you saw them try to rip off the gauntlet was unbearable.

The Snap

 Well, yeah. You’ll never get back the first time you saw this. And imagine seeing it as a fucking kid.#

Just a Girl

 Sure the big level-up CGI fest at the end is good, but it’s the comedy smackdown on the Kree ship that’s the most satisfying part of Captain Marvel, the shit-eating joy on Carol’s face as she discovers she’s way more powerful than the assholes who’ve been holding her back. It’s corny sure, but it’s hella fun.

Thor Goes For The Head

 Endgame is a shocking, disorientating blur to begin with, all the characters you loved acting in strange, desperate ways in a super-hero version of post-traumatic stress disorder. Tony’s meltdown is bad enough, but it’s when Thor just straight up fucking murders Thanos that you know this is going to get dark and serious. It doesn’t, it remembers it’s a Marvel movie, but the shot of him walking out into the blurred alien sun, cape aflutter, is a fitting goodbye to a more innocent time of heroics.

Ant Man and Cassie

 A moment that could be worthy of a whole movie itself, a desperate Scott Lang meeting his five-years-older daughter gives a joke character a serious moment in the same way Infinity War did for Guardians. It’s very odd, very sweet and very Marvel.

Love You 3000

 Morgan H. Stark is almost a little too on the nose as a wrap-up for Tony, but hell, she’s still sweet as all hell and a perfect capper to his story of fatherhood and responsibility. It’s a mark of the work they’ve put in that we’ll almost immediately accept the tired trope of kid-taking-over-mantle when she inevitably puts on the armour in a few years.

Steve and Peggy / Tony and Howard

 This is the bit in Endgame where I finally started tearing up: a lot of it is too-neat fan-service, but fuck it, they’ve put in so much effort that it works. This is the scene where you realise both of these long arcs are coming to an end, the resolution of Steve quietly making his decision to go back to Peggy and Tony getting the closer of discussing parenthood with his unknowing father. It’s corny sure, but so are comic books, and setting the whole bit at the height of seventies Marvel Comics mania is a loving nod to the imaginations that made all these crazy possibilities possible.

Widow and Hawkeye

 There’s a theme here. All of these moments are kind of cheesy and rely heavily on callbacks to previous bits… but at the moment it doesn’t matter because ENDGAME WOW. Maybe we’ll look back at it as a corny misstep, but for the moment, Clint and Tasha having one last, ludicrously overblown tussle for who gets to live is a sweet capper that never goes as deep as the others because they’re supporting characters. It still stings, and it’s a neat mirror to Gamora and Thanos in Infinity War. The red’s gone from her ledger! It’s on the rocks! Urrrgh

Nebula Kills Herself

 Again, they’re so good that they can spend a big chunk of time in what’s ostensibly the last big movie for their most beloved characters on making a lesser character beloved. Endgame spotlights Nebula even more than Infinity War did Gamora, using her self-hatred and fear of her father for compelling, wibbly-wobbly plot and character beats. The resolution of her story and her newfound place with her team should make for a whole different Guardians before we even get to Fortnite-Thor joining up.

Cap Wields The Hammer

 ‘I KNEW IT!’

Thanos’ Army

 One last escalation of scale. When Thanos’ army finally arrives it’s like something out of those apocalyptic Turner paintings, where the hordes of a ship-wrecked hell confront eternity under skies ripped from heaven. Only this time they’re facing one guy called Steve, and they’re fucked. Incredible.

Avengers… Assemble

 It almost lives up to what you always had in your head. The Marvel Universe, somehow done right.

Tony Hugs Peter Back

Awwww!

New Avengers Run the Gauntlet

 A surprising amount of Endgame’s grand finale is given over to the future hopes; while Strange gets stuck in with holding back a Biblical flood it’s up to Black Panther to grab the Infinity Gauntlet from Clint in a delightful callback to Civil War, before embarking on an intense relay race across the entire battlefield that begins with Scarlet Witch crushing the shit out of Thanos’ testicles and ends with Captain Marvel engaging the Mad Titan in a bone-crushing show of super-strength. And along the way if finds time to have Peter Parker dragged through the air by Thor’s hammer which was thrown by Captain America before landing on a Pegasus flown by Valkryie across an exploding sky of alien whales. Maybe the most satisfying run of action since the first Avengers.

I am Iron Man

 It was always going to be him really. Bonus points for Downey Jr. originally telling Thanos to ‘Fuck off’. Did anyone else keep thinking he was going to wake up and quip and everything would be OK? That’s how you make movies.

The Funeral

 It looks a little weird actually, like they weren’t all on set. But they were! The Marvel Universe again, holy smokes.

The Kiss

 Now that’s how you end ten years and twenty one movies. They’re movies! It was romantic! It was exciting! It was fun!

For TEN FUCKING YEARS.

Swing a Ding Ding Sir

 After five movies of fresh shit they've finally starting dumping some classic Spider-Man on us; the Euro stuff's fun and all, but it's Far From Home delirious climax that sees Spidey and MJ thwipping through the canyons of New York before bumping into ugly ol' J. Jonah JJ Jay Jay likes it's a freakin' comic book or something. Delightful, and also serves as a wonderful image of hope and joy post-Endgame.

What a fuckin’ ride. Here’s to the next... seventy six? Seventy seven?

wait did I leave any out

[gffa]

@writegowrite mentioned that she would be interested in reading Avengers fic and I pretty much shot my hand up and went, “Ooh!  Pick me!  Pick me!” at the barest reference to maybe wanting some recs of the Gen or Stucky or Thorki variety.  I am here for that, okay, this is my time! I chose the fics I thought would work best as a starter pack, for those who weren’t deep into the fandom, who were mostly familiar with canon only (rather than a lot of fandom trends), and who leaned towards more serious fics.  I think Thor/Loki especially will hit some of the same Obi-Wan/Anakin buttons, if you’re potentially into that pairing (if not, you’re going to want to pass this post by!) and I’m putting here, rather than my MCU blog because this is all stuff they’ll have seen before.  This is aimed at “So you want to get into this fandom but don’t know where to start, huh?  Let me try to help with that!” I will also include some fanart illustrations because a) I fuckin’ love fanart and b) there’s some gorgeous stuff and c) I think it helps to understand the appeal of “wait wtf where did Jotunn!Loki come from all of a sudden??” UNDER THE CUT:  Gen, Thor/Loki, Steve/Bucky - fic + art recs Mostly serious fic, a mix of serious/humor art, a good amount of NSFW fic/art I’ll write brief teaser recs but links will be provided for more full recs, when I can.

There will be a lot of recs here (and even more on this recs pages! but if you scroll through those pages (you’ll need to use Ctrl+F to find these specific ones if you want the full recs), keep in mind that they were a work in progress over a span of years, as well as aimed at people who regularly read in the fandom, and that I think these fics are best suited for drawing new readers in), but I chose ones that I felt could all be one of the first you pick up!  Still, I have a suggested starting place with three fics: START HERE: Bargaining by proantagonist, thor & loki + odin & loki + frigga & loki + other marvel characters, background refereneces to canon pairings, time travel, post-the dark world, some jotunn!loki, 110.4k      A genfic and it's really more about Loki and his issues with all his family but THIS FIC HOLY HELL, it made me cry at least three times and it's gorgeously written.  Post-TDW, Thor is dead and Loki absolutely loses his shit and all his issues with his family come tumbling out to slowly get fixed through time travel and worldbuilding and dealing with Jotunheim issues and magical deals with witches.  Novel-length and one of the best in the fandom. Bedding the Wolf by leonidaslion, thor/loki + implied background thor/sif, NSFW, dub-con edging on non-con, 13.4k      This is one of the earliest fics I read in the fandom and I've reread it a couple of times and it still hits me dead on EVERY TIME.  Post-first movie, this is ALL ABOUT Thor being smarter than Loki realizes and coming down on a vicious, bratty sub!Loki with a strong, iron hard dom hand.  It's fairly strongly dub-con and it's basically pwp, but it's one of my all time favorites. No Such Liberty by Xparrot, thor & loki + other asgardians + avengers + thanos, action fic, redemption fic, 147k     This one is primarily a Thor fic and was written pre-The Dark World and so takes a different path, but it's my favorite fic in that fandom.  It's got gorgeous worldbuilding, made me cry like three times over the Loki redemption stuff, and was just an incredible plot/action story when the Avengers all teamed up to fight Thanos. *After this point, you can pretty much throw a rock and whatever fic you hit, you can pick it up! SERIOUS FIC - GEN VERSION: God in the Machine: The Marachek Protocol by Mythtaken Identity (VR2LBast), natasha + avengers + loki, mild background pairings, egyptian mythology, action scenes, 99.6k      This fic is SO GOOD, it's primarily Natasha-centric, but it's got all the Avengers going up against Egyptian gods in an incredible plot fic.  It's novel length and it's just one of those that's incredibly SOLID. Ask Me No Questions by Alex51324, thor & loki + bruce & loki + tony + other avengers, depression, 55k      Loki is stripped of his magic and hit with a truth spell so he can't lie and has to stay with the Avengers and I remember it being a really satisfying Loki redemption fic.  He primarily interacts with Thor, Tony, and Bruce, all of which are really well done. Freefall + Landing by galaxysoup, thor & loki & avengers, 28k      It's been a long time since I read these, so I don't know how well they hold up, but they're more Loki + Avengers fic and I remember crying over them, because I had such strong feelings about the long, slow crawl towards redemption.  They're fairly famous in the fandom for good reason, imo! Rise From Ash by Mikkeneko, avengers + loki + other asgardians + thanos, some tony/loki, mildly nsfw for violence, some pyshical + psychological torture, angst, avengers!loki, 98k      An epic Loki + Avengers fic that's got a lot of horror elements and descent into madness that the fic does justice to.  It's a lot of plot and worldbuilding, a bit physical torture, a bit psychological torture, and very angsty.  it's an emotional wringer of a fic but so worth it. Road to Nowhere by Lise, thor & loki + frigga + other thor characters, thor 2 spoilers, action fic, quest fic, 27.2k      Genfic, but Thor and Loki on a roadtrip to save Frigga after TDW and it's lots of mythological worldbuilding and two brothers forced to rely on each other through magical trials, and maybe deal with their issues in an incredibly grudgingly way.  I'm biased because I beta'd for it, but it really is super good! SERIOUS FIC - THOR/LOKI VERSION: I actually have a “starter pack” recs list, but it’s like 30-40 fics long and that’s way too much to dump at once! dream state by bomb, thor/loki + thor/jane breakup + other marvel characters, NSFW, post-thor 2, prostitution, amnesia, 25.3k      The premise of this fic is kind of off the wall for something I take so seriously--a year after Loki's death, Thor sees someone who looks just like him on Earth and starts a relationship with him, but it is EXQUISITELY characterized, it's an incredible gem for being one of the best Thor characterizations in the fandom (IT SPOILED ME), for the weight of his character against the sharpness of Loki's, and it is beautifully written.  One of my all time faves. Make Me by Arkada, thor/loki, NSFW, dub-con, rough sex, bondage, bdsm, loki in chains, 4k      This is a darker fic, it's really rough sex with BDSM and consent issues.  Basically, Loki won't accept anything nice from Thor, so it has to be hard and rough and hurt before he'll take it.  So Thor gives him what he needs. Shorter but scorchingly hot. Postbellum by Shiny_n_new, thor/loki (pre-slash?) + odin & frigga + other thor characters, 22k      Written pre-TDW and is probably more gen than pairing, but the author ships it and so you can read undercurrents there.  Loki sits in his prison cell and seethes while Thor tries to make repairs--to Loki, to Jotunheim, to everyone.  It's really good Thor characterization in the background, but it's a fic that centers on Loki's fury and jealousy and trying to unknot it as best the author can. Wild Ambition Fortune's Ice Prefers by amberfox17, thor/loki & asgardians & frost giants, NSFW, jotunn!loki, arranged marriage, 199.7k      EVERYTHING by Amber is super worth reading, she writes amazing porn, but this is also her epic fic, where Loki was never taken to Asgard as a baby (this is a common theme in Thorki fandom, to get Jotunn!Loki, I'll dig up some fanart links to show you later) and when Thor has to make amends for starting trouble in Jotunheim, it kicks off a long, plotful, epic worldbuilding fic about the icy planet and these two learning to get along with each other and fall in love. Had we but world enough, and time by amberfox17, thor/loki, 14.6k      Hate and love are two sides of the same coin, and only require time for one to turn to the other. And what do gods have, if not time?Or, a story in three parts, of the past, present and future: how Lævatein was forged, taken and returned, how a relationship can be cracked, shattered and remade, and how Thor lost and found Loki time and time again. My Love Is Like To Ice, And I To Fire by amberfox17, thor/loki, NSFW, jotunn!loki, intersex!loki, 9k       Where Loki is stripped of his magic and forced into Jotunn form and it brings a lot of issues to a head.  It's only about 9k, but there's porn! Covenant by RobotSquid, thor/loki + odin + frigga + laufey, NSFW, divergent timeline, jotunn!loki (sort of), intersex!loki, secret relationship, 72.9k      I'm biased because this fic was written for me, but it's also gorgeous gorgeous worldbuilding and characterization.  When they're a little bit younger, they have to deal with the reveal of Loki's origins, which leads to them having to spend time there and it's primarily a fic dealing with Loki's issues of feeling unloved and hated, but has stellar Thor characterization in the background, as he's learning to be a future king, and so much incredible worldbuilding.  SO GOOD, I devoured it like you wouldn't believe. Shadow Plays by dreamlittleyo, thor/loki, NSFW, time loop, dub con, 24.4k      Another of the earliest fics I read in this fandom, so I'm not sure how well it'll hold up, because it might have been one that SET the mold rather than expanded it, but I remember really, really enjoying it.  Time loop fic where Thor's stuck and trying to figure his way out, trying to figure out how to save them all and deal with his anger towards Loki, and it's a really good use of the concept and satisfying porny resolution! Shatter by Aria, thor/loki + other thor characters, NSFW, 32k      Instead of Thor being banished to Earth, it's Loki... and then Thor comes along anyway and suddenly they have the breathing room and lack of tragedy to figure their shit out and eventually finally bang, it's a delight. Let slip the dogs of war by amberfox17, thor/loki, NSFW, dub con, rough sex, loki in chains, 5.3k      "In a world where mages must be kept chained and their magic bound: Loki is Thor’s dog of war, unleashed only in the most terrible of battles, and now Thor must deal with the aftermath of setting Loki’s seidr loose" -- aka, Thor's going to fuck the magical noise right out of feral!Loki's head and it's scorchingly hot. Caged by rainfall, thor/loki & asgard, NSFW, rough sex, pregnant!loki, 40k wip     This is one of those fics that may seem strange at the outset, but is fairly common in Thorki fandom--because Loki's a Frost Giant and we don't really know what that means, because comics!Loki is canon genderfluid (we have a lot of Lady Loki panels), because fandom Likes It, he's often written as intersex or just straight up able to get pregnant because Frost Giants Are Like That In Fandom.So, Loki's brought back post-first movie and he's furious and kept in a locked ivory tower and Thor goes to visit him and it's vicious but also they love each other and so eventually there's sex and it's a WIP that hasn't been updated in a long time but what's there is SO GOOD. Spoils of War by Fickle_Obsessions, thor/loki, NSFW, jotunn!loki, war prize!loki, dub con, rough sex, 9.8k      Fandom loves War Prize Jotunn!Loki with rough sex and, look, we all have our needs and this is one I really, really love a lot. Good Inside by glayish, thor/loki + thor/loki/mjolnir, NSFW, object insertion, mild bondage, dub-con, 7.4k      More rough sex that's kinda dub-con but in the way that it would be with them, also Mjolnir as a sex toy.  Scorchingly hot, too. feel my bones ignite by Lise, thor/loki, NSFW, rough sex, mild bdsm elements, 6.6k      More angry prison sex with some dom/sub elements and ridiculously hot sex. Covenant by Xero_Sky, thor/loki + other asgardians, NSFW, arranged marriage, post-avengers, 32.7k wip      "After Loki is brought back to Asgard for justice, he's somewhat appalled to find that his family still cares for him and worries about his well-being. Even worse, they have a cunning plan to keep him safe from Thanos and sort out the havoc he's been wreaking everywhere.  It works. And for one brief shining moment, Loki Is Happy. Naturally, it all goes downhill from there."  Arranged marriage fic that isn't at all fluffy or easy, it's difficult and unhappy and this is a WIP, but there's some good stuff already here that's worth reading for it, imo. Absolution by ladylapislazuli, thor/loki, arranged marriage, post-avengers, 54.2k      Another "Loki is forced to marry Thor to try to keep him contained and in Asgard" that should be silly and ridiculous but instead is heartwrenching and so, so good about digging into their issues and all the anger and hurt there.  It's a middle of the road kind of piece, not fluffy, but not tragic, and I respect it all the more for that.         STEVE/BUCKY: Out of the Dead Land by emilyenrose, steve/bucky, 62.7k      Oh, if you only read one Steve/Bucky fic, MAKE IT THIS ONE.  Post-TWS fic (not CW-compliant), Bucky tries to be Bucky again and it's a very difficult road and it was angsty and hard and so worth it and SO GOOD. The man on the bridge by boopboop, steve/bucky + tony + background pairings + avengers + other marvel characters, the winter soldier spoilers, 107.5k      This can be pretty controversial and I admit that I faded from Stucky fandom before it was finished, but I liked what was there.  Written in the aftermath of The Winter Soldier (so not CW-compliant) it's very angsty and a novel-length look at Steve/Bucky trying to come back to each other. This You Protect by Owlet, steve/bucky & avegers & ocs, 64.3k      While I wandered off for the follow-ups, they didn't feel the same as the first fic, this one is perfect exactly as it is--Bucky doesn't fully remember who he is, but his instincts to protect Steve cannot be overriden.  It's half parody, half serious, where Bucky Makes Friends With His Old People Neighbors and despairs every time Steve does something stupid and avoids him like the plague because he can't deal with his feelings, but still watches from afar.  It's GREAT. there's trees in the desert since you moved out by irnan, steve/bucky/natasha, 37k      I haven't read this one myself, but I've always liked irnan's fics and this one looks fantastic, a road trip where Steve/Bucky/Natasha work out their feelings.  (Bucky/Natasha is canon in the comics at many points, so a lot of people wanted it in the MCU, to go along with Steve/Bucky and Steve/Natasha.) sam deserves better than these assholes by lazulisong, steve/bucky + sam + natasha + other marvel characters, 10.7k      A series of fics where Sam Wilson really does deserve better than these two assholes.  I love lazulisong's writing, she really has a gift for comedic timing! Memory by emilyenrose, steve/bucky, 25.2k      Bucky working to try to remember who he is, it doesn't really go so well. your favorite ghost by augustbird, steve/bucky, 21k      I LOVE augustbird's writing, so another angsty post-TWS fic that's about the entire scope of Steve and Bucky's lives, the hard journey to bring Bucky home, is A+ for me. All The Leaves Are Brown (And the sky is gray) by AvocadoLove, bucky & tony + background steve/bucky, 17.4k      I don't remember there being much actual Stucky in this fic (though, the feelings are there) but Bucky's mission to kill Howard and Maria goes a little differently and instead he winds up with kidlet Tony on the run and it's SO GOOD.  Angsty plus cute kidlets, I DEVOURED IT.  (Everything I've ever read by AvocadoLove has been amazing, though.) HUMOR FIC: Majority Rule by Xparrot, thor & loki & avengers, humor, 2.4k     Also by Xparrot (I love everything by her!) it's short and hilarious and a great bit of funny cultural difference stuff with Thor and Loki and the Avengers. Big in Japan by gunboots     Avengers + Thorki, Tony brings back some dakimakura and it’s H I L A R I O U S. Teenage Dream by TheOtherOdinson     “Loki’s plan to invade Midgard is going perfectly - until his parents show up.” Aka, the one where Dad Odin and Mom Frigga show up and ruin their son’s takeover of Midgard, it’s HILARIOUS. Five Times the Villain's Weapon Didn't Work On Thor and the One Time It Did by TheOtherOdinson, thor + avengers + loki, humor, 3.9k     What it says on the tin and it’s delightful! I’m biased because I helped encourage it, but, no, it’s really great Thor FUN fic! Life of the Party by TheOtherOdinson, thor & loki + other asgardians, 2k     Loki tries to be a chaos shit stirrer at a party, and other people KEEP RUINING HIS FUN, it’s sharp and clever and delightful! You Shouldn't Have by TheOtherOdinson, thor & tony + thor & steve + thor & clint + thor & natasha + thor & bruce, humor, 2.1k     OKAY, LET ME EXPLAIN. One of the things I frequently talked about on Tumblr is how Asgard had the greatest decorative taste ever–everything is incredibly gold and tacky and they have water features everywhere. I LOVE IT. Also, Thor is 100% a troll that people never realize he’s doing it. These things combine into one of the most perfect fics I have ever read. Unforseen Side Effects by Fickle_Obsessions      Tony accidentally doses Thor and Loki with a drug that turns out to be an aphrodesiac. He sees more than he wants to. FANART: While the fandom is quieter today, the Thor fandom has a tremendous back archive of art, so much of it absolutely stunning and creative and wonderful! While I cannot possibly go through it all, I will at least get you started! wantstobelieve [thorki tag] does some of the most stunning artwork in the fandom, to the point that I honestly have trouble picking out favorites.  But this one is is ridiculously hot, this one is stunning  This one always hits me right in the dom/bratty sub kink, this one is a beautiful Loki piece, this one gives me all the feelings, this one is a gorgeous Jotunn!Loki, this one is is just lovely, this one is also right in the dom/sub kink, this one is a pretty Loki, this one is lovely and this one with Frigga and the kidlets is gorgeous. lohkaydraws [thorki tag] also does gorgeous work, this piece is a particular fave, but also this NSFW art is amazing. lousysharkbutt [art tag] does hilarity in Avengers fandom like no one else, this one is a favorite and this one makes me laugh every time.  Also, the best response to Civil War.  ALSO FAVE. yanagoya [loki tag] draws some of my favorite porn in the fandom, like, ever. Here and here and here and here.  All are NSFW.  Colors and smooth lines! bunnyxian [thorki tag] also does some great NSFW art--which all of these links are.  Here and here and here.  (Though, the layout makes them seem smaller than they are.  --in comparison, for example.) 10000ta [blog link] has drawn a bunch of gorgeou art for Thorki!  I’m not sure if everything of theirs is still up on their tumblr, but it’s probably floating around elsewhere, too.  A couple of faves are Egyptian Loki and Ragnarok Thorki. These two are also very nice!  --okay, yeah, I think their NSFW has moved but there’s this one and this one. horns-of-sin [blog link] is SUPER SUPER NSFW, beyond even the others! There’s a lot of Jotunn!Loki, some intersex!Loki, it’s split between solo!Loki and most of the popular Loki pairings.  It’s very pretty art (and such pretty colors!), but it’s very, very graphic and is striving to stick as many dicks into Loki as it possibly can, so be careful if you click it open! virushoney [art tag] does a lot of really beautifully colored, clean lined, super fucking cute art!  This one is a cool Jotunn!Loki, this one is a cute peacock!Loki, this one is a cute animal ears set, this one is more lovely Jotunn!Loki art, this one is godless-night [art tag] does some really pretty stuff, too.  This one is a nice Ragnarok-inspired one and this one is is lovely, but haunting. mokonosuke7 [art tag] can do some really beautiful stuff!  This one is a gorgeous Jotunn!Loki, this one is another stunning one, this one is is simple but lovely, this one is a stunning belly dancer Loki, this one has super pretty details! robinhess [blog link] has some lovely ones as well!  Here, here, here, here, and here are ones I remember from them! jiuge [blog link] does incredible pieces, too.  This one is a Mr. and Mrs. Smith parody, this one is is an incredible Jotunn!Loki, this one is the single most beautiful piece of Frigga art with kidlets that I have ever seen, this one is a lovely Thor/Loki piece, and this one is is another stunning Thor/Loki piece. derlaine [loki tag] does some of the funniest and/or most heartwarming art! This one is part one of Loki’s Childhood (a collection of all their Asgardian kidlet art and this one is part two! florbe-triz [art tag] also does really amazing art!  This one is gorgeous, this one is a great use of color, this one is possibly the best they’ve ever done, this one is a great kiss in the snow, this one is beautiful NSFW art, this one is gorgeous in this details, and this one is another stunning use of color.  If you want to go through and see everything for yourself, you’ll have to go about 12 pages back on their art tag to get to the Thor fandom stuff. Okay, honestly, just go through my Jotunn!Loki tag and you’ll see there’s far more amazing art than I could possibly all link to!  My Thorki tag is probably about 50% fanart (and the other half is fanedits and fic reblogs and such) if you want more!  This was meant to get a person started

[itsallavengers]

Stardust

(This plot is based around suicide- please be careful)

So it was late last night and I started thinking about my Best Son Anthony Stark, and how he isn’t Good With Emotion. 

He finds it difficult to tell people he cares, and show others that he loves them. Sometimes even physical touch or people handing him things makes him uncomfortable, so the Avengers moving in proved difficult at the beginning, because... well, he just isn’t used to that much casual camaraderie and contact being thrown around. Totally new ball game. And it scares the shit out of him.

So anyway. The team are all Bonding and Growing Together and stuff, and Tony is just out on a limb, because he doesn’t know how to fucking say that he likes them. He shows it, of course he shows it, that’s the only thing he ever can do well- but then his goddamn mouth just has to run off and say something stupid and they’re right back at square-fucking-one again. He doesn’t know what to do, and he just... he doesn’t feel like one of them. It hurts.

Then there’s a bad mission.

 A... a really bad mission. Something-Wears-Coulson’s-Face-And-Goes-On-A-Murderous-Rampage-Directed-At-Clint type of bad mission.

Clint tries to jump off the roof.

And Tony is suddenly... completely and utterly consumed by how painful that is to think about. How stupidly attached he’s become, not only to the Birdbrain, but the whole damn team. Remembering Clint, sat still and silent on the top of the tower with a half-empty bottle of whatever-the-fuck in his hand and an empty look in his eyes... it haunts him. 

Literally. He can’t sleep. He barely lets Clint out of his sight for weeks after, just in case. The thought plagues him, because he knows, fuck does he know, what it’s like to feel that sort of pain. And he can’t stand the thought of Clint suffering the same.

He feels like he’s doing nothing. Like he’s helpless. So one night of yet more insomnia, he decides to put the ball on his side of the court.

He starts writing.

By the end of the morning, there’s pages and pages of data- Clint’s triggers, his history, his likes and dislikes and his mental state- all cross-referenced with one another and neatly sorted into workable piles. He tells JARVIS to scan the work and track it with Clint’s behaviour; flagging him up in either amber for medium risk, or red for immediate. 

And once he’s done that- why the hell would he stop there?

(Beware the read more, mobile users!)

The whole team. Meticulously trawling through their histories, their triggers, their responses to bad missions or guilt or loss. It takes him 6 nights of no sleep. 

By the end of it, he is keeping track of every single one of them. 

It becomes obsessive. He revises it every night, adding and removing and keeping a constant ear out for JARVIS’s quiet words of ‘Miss Romanov has had night-terrors for nights in a row. Medium Risk,’ or ‘Doctor Banner watched a news-reel of his Hulk form tearing through a Hospice and this is the third day he has gone without food- immediate risk’. It rarely happens, but Tony had been caught out the first time. It wouldn’t happen again.

When Steve starts closing himself off- Tony knows it’s because they’re coming up to the day Bucky died. When Clint gets drunk on a monday morning, he cross-references it with all the other times he’s noticed it happen and realises that each time, it was because he’d been made to spend the whole day at SHIELD with a task-force who still blame him for his mind control. He knows all of it, and he acts accordingly.

Slowly- the occurrences stop being so frequent.

Tony doesn’t even think about shutting it down. It’s the only thing that keeps him sane, some nights. Knowing that he still has that; that tiny semblance of control. That even if he can’t ultimately stop his friends if they are hellbent on it; he can do his damn hardest to get to them before it gets to that point. 

He doesn’t know how to tell them that they mean something to him, and doing this is the only way he feels like he’s enough. It’s not. It’s obviously not- he could be so much better to them- but it’s all he has. 

It’s become refined enough that Tony can predict some of the more severe mood swings and prepare for them. Yeah- maybe Natasha gets pissed at him because she can’t find any of her usual weaponry hidden about the tower during some weeks, but Tony isn’t going to take any chances. Not with them.

With himself, however- it’s harder to care so much.

Bad shit happens, sometimes, and Tony deals with it. He does it as best he can, and sometimes Steve is there to help him through- because for some reason Steve seems to like him more than most- but sometimes he isn’t. When Tony is sat, wasted and sleep-deprived in his workshop with a bottle of pills staring temptingly up at him- that’s one of those times.

He’s just tired. And sad. It would be so much easier.

He wasn’t going to actually do it. He was just thinking about it. In an objective sort of way. 

But then suddenly Steve comes in and wrestles the bottle of whiskey out of his hand like he’s gonna die within the next three seconds if he continues to touch the damn thing, and Tony realises it probably looks a lot worse than it is.

“Don’t,” Steve whispers hoarsely, pushing the bottle of pills carelessly off the side of the desk and then crouching down, his arms trapping Tony in his chair, “please don’t do that, Tony. Please. I’m... I couldn’t deal with losing you too, Tony-”

Tony laughs, and it tastes bitter in his throat. “You don’t care about me. N’t really. I don’t know how to love people. Dunno how to even tell someone I... I...” and he can’t even finish the fucking sentence, that’s how emotionally stunted he is.

Steve is looking at him, and his face is so sad, Tony’s drunken thought-process immediately goes into help-mode, because it reminds him all too well of the other times Steve has looked like that. “Hey. ‘M sorry. Don’... I’m good. Don’t be sad.”

Steve stares at him incredulously for a good few moments, before shaking his head sadly and slowly raising his hand, cupping it against Tony’s cheek softly. “Are you even real? You- you’re still trying to put me first, aren’t you? Jesus, Tony- you say you’re incapable of telling people they matter to you, and then you pull the moon outta the sky because one of us said it looked pretty! You know... love doesn’t show in words, Tony, it shows in actions. Always.”

Tony slowly looks up and met Steve’s eyes. “ I just... want people to care, Steve. They don’... they don’ care, not really. You care, because y’r team leader ‘n’ you gotta care. My love has always been paid for, y’see, Stevie. Always.” He laughed, shutting his eyes and allowing himself the guilty pleasure of Steve’s hands on his face, just for a second.

It wasn’t enough, But it would do.

Steve pauses again, eyes horribly sad as he looks at Tony. He wants to know what’s going on in that soldier brain of his- but he’s pretty wasted right now and the thoughts won’t process properly.

“Come with me,” Steve whispers eventually, standing up and gently grabbing at Tony’s hand.

It’s not like Tony would ever say no to a request when it was put like that.

So he stumbles upright and Steve steadies him, firm and strong and warm as he always is. Tony isn’t particularly aware of where he’s going, because Steve pretty much just carries him the whole way there and Tony is fine with just letting his head fall against Steve’s shoulder and stay there. Possibly for the rest of his life. He wouldn’t complain.

They end up in Steve’s room, and Tony is just about to start thinking up inappropriate comments to make when Steve pulls up Tony’s hands and places an old-looking organiser in it, making his fingers close delicately around the spine. It’s an obvious invitation to read, so Tony does, because otherwise he’d just keep looking at Steve all night and, satisfying as that may be, he’d probably just get punched.

So he opens the book- and his name stares back at him.

It’s... it’s what Tony had drawn up, all those months ago on scraps of paper- except this was undeniably Steve-like in style, and altogether a lot more neat than his had ever been. Pages and pages of neatly filled lines; some crossed out, some cramped additions. Doesn’t like 4th July fireworks down at the bottom or just caves in the top corner of one particular spread. 

He doesn’t understand.

“I love you,” Steve says- and then Tony takes his ‘doesn’t understand’ and multiplies it by ten.

‘I love you, Tony,” Steve says, because the goddamn idiot knew him, and knew what he was thinking. “I love you and the thought of you... hurting yourself is enough to drive me insane.  I didn’t know how to show you until now. But this,” he tapped the book that Tony was still staring at, “is sacred to me. This helps me know how you tick, it helps me work out when you’re having bad days and need someone to be there for you. It lets me know who it is you need; me or Rhodey or Bruce or whatever. Because I love you so much it hurts, and the only way that I feel like I’m able to help you deal with this is by knowing when it will happen”

Tony was quiet for a few more moments, and then, “JARVIS?”

“yes, sir?”

“Did.. did Steve steal my brain thoughts?”

Steve laughs, and it still sounds too sad for Tony, which is his own fault this time- he’s going to have to add the word ‘Tony’ to Steve’s file later. “No, Tony, your brain is still perfectly safe. Listen-”

“No. Wait. You listen. T’me. Please,” Tony begged, trying to find Steve’s hand and clumsily hitting an elbow instead, “I’m a nightmare. I don’... I don’ know how to be a normal human. I sm’times have days when I can’t even hug people and will get stupid ‘n’ angry if you try, and then the next day I might get sulky ‘cause you’re not giving me enough affection. But Steve, I do care. I do. It haunts me, the day we caught Clint, it hon’stly does, an’ I know I act like a fuckin’ asshole, but you mean more t’me than anything. All of you. Especially you. Steve, I... I lo.. I-” 

The words still don’t come, and Tony wants to scream. Wants to bang his head against the wall until he stops being so fucked up, because no one wants someone who can’t even say I love you, for fucks sake-

“Yes I do. I really, really do,” Steve tells him gently, standing close to Tony, almost forehead to forehead, and of course Tony was whispering to himself again, that was a great way to make people think you were normal.

“I’ll want you when you’re sad. I’ll want you when you’re angry, or being an asshole, or every time when you won’t be able to tell me how you feel for me. I’ll want you. Because I have done for so long now, I’m not even sure i know how to stop.”

Tony feels the ever-constant desire suddenly light into an inferno at that point. Steve’s mouth looks so delicious and soft, and his eyes look even bluer than Tony had ever though they could and he just wants to... he wants to do everything with Steve. Wants everything he could possibly get, eyes and mouth and teeth and touch and taste.

 It’s probably a mixture of alcohol and overwrought emotions that does it in the end, but suddenly he’s stumbling forward and his mouth is on Steve’s and he’s kissing him with every emotion that he’ll never be able to speak about and hoping that Steve knows; that he’d understand, just for a moment, quite how much he means to Tony.

Steve gasps, hands sinking lower and grabbing at the fabric of Tony’s shirt, pulling him in until he was pressed up against Steve’s chest- and Tony thinks for a moment that he might just be enough.

Then Steve stops, slowly and with a shaking breath, and that was it. Tony had really ruined it now.

“Nope,” Steve interrupts his thought process, shaking his head vigorously and putting a finger against Tony’s mouth. “You... you have no idea how much I’d like to continue this, believe me- but you’re drunk, Tony, and I’m not gonna-”

Tony kisses him again before he can finish the sentence, because now he’s aware that Steve actually, for whatever reason, wants him too, there is no stopping him. Steve is a hell of a kisser, and Tony wants more. More more more more more.

Steve practically whimpers the next time he breaks away, gently untangling Tony’s hands from his neck and shivering. “Uhh, uh. We can’t. You need... you need to get some rest, Tony, you’ve ha-hnnngh,” 

hmm. Tony notes down in some corner of his mind that Steve seems pretty sensitive to kisses on the underside of his jaw.

Unfortunately, Steve is pretty adamant that he’s going to be a gentleman or whatever, because he takes a deep breath and steels himself before pushing Tony off again, not letting go of him exactly, but enough to mean Tony can no longer reach Steve’s mouth. 

“Tony, you need to get some rest. Please. You’ve had a really rough night, and you’re not thinking straight-”

“Steve, this isn’t some- some drunk fuck here. I... you’re what I want. Trust me,” Tony said, making an effort to keep his voice as clear as possible. He tried to reach out and touch Steve’s face again, but Steve just smiles and catches his hands, thumbs stroking softly along his knuckles.

“Humour me, then.”

Tony whines and shuts his eyes, which isn’t a good idea, because his sight is the only thing keeping him balanced, and he quickly discovers this as he keels forward directly into Steve’s waiting arms.

“’m okay,” Tony mumbles, because it wouldn’t do for Steve to think he’d just blacked out or something.

“No, you’re not. But that’s okay. Neither am I,” Steve answers softly, bending a little and sweeping Tony’s legs out from underneath him, lifting him with an ease only he could pull off.

Tony huffs, because really, he’s a grown man, he shouldn’t find being carried like this so comforting. But Steve’s got a nice chest, and it’s easy to just bury his head into the shirt he’s wearing and soak up the warmth and the beat of his heart.

He didn’t like hearing that Steve wasn’t okay. He could see, and he was aware of it it (very, very aware)- but he still hated him saying it.

“I’ve got a list, too,” he whispers as Steve gently places him on his bed and starts tucking him in, his fingers so graceful and light as he works.

Tony thinks that’s what he loves most about Steve. Those hands can tear through walls and punch men dead- but Tony only ever feels them as a gentle caress. Steve is even softer and careful than most normal humans, and it must be so much harder to do for him. And yet he always manages. 

“huh?” Steve asks, a hand cupping the back of Tony’s neck as he tilts his head up and slides a pillow underneath.

“A list. For everyone. In case... just in case. I... didn’ think anyone would think along the same lines as me, though.”

“You didn’t think anyone would care about looking after you, you mean,” Steve adds, stopping his fussing for a moment to stroke a hand through Tony’s hair and get it out from his face. “Tony- I know about your list. I’ve known for months- you left the hard copies out on your desk one night when I came in to put you to bed. It... God, Tony, you care so much about everyone else, but you don’t expect them to care for you back, do you? You didn’t add your own triggers or fears or history in there. You didn’t... you didn’t think they were relevant. So I made my own file for you- granted, mine wasn’t quite so fancy as yours- but I’m so very glad that I did. You need people to show that they care about you just as much as you care about them.”

Tony opens his mouth to argue; what against, he isn’t sure, but Steve leans down and kisses him at that point, which is enough to shut him up.

It wasn’t even on the mouth. It was on the fucking forehead- so Tony has no idea why it’s having such an extreme effect on his stomach.

“Go to sleep, Tony. We’ll talk about everything in the morning,” Steve tells him, before getting up to leave.

Tony doesn’t let go of his hand, though, and Steve has to stop unless he wants to drag Tony along with him.

“Stay,” Tony asks him softly, because he’s covered in blankets but he still feels cold and he’s too drunk and aching and sad to sleep alone tonight. 

Steve doesn’t even hesitate before he’s crawling into his bed with Tony, arms pulling Tony in closer until his face is buried in Steve’s shoulder and his arms are tucked up against his chest.

It’s safe and warm and feels like home. 

“I’ll tell you one day. I will. I swear,” Tony promises, shutting his eyes and feeling Steve’s arms wrap around his waist a little tighter.

“Whether you do or don’t, I’ll still love you all the same.”

Tony huffs. “You fuckin’ sap.”

Steve just laughs, and kisses the top of Tony’s head. “love you too.”

Hours later, and Steve is fast asleep. 

Tony stares up at him, looking at the scruffy blond hair and slightly parted lips as he breathes softly and evenly, still curled around Tony protectively, even in his sleep.

He still can’t say it. Romantic words are where he falls down- that’s what hurt Pepper before, and it will probably hurt Steve too, at some point.

He can’t talk romance. But he can do science.

“You’re made of stardust, y’know. Before you became you, and before the world even existed- you were pure stardust. Everything we touch and breathe and exist from is just the remnant of stars, and the gases and elements they created,” Tony whispers into the silent room, watching Steve’s chest rise, in and out and in and out.

“The chances of that stardust managing to create you- Steven Grant Rogers- are so astronomically low, it would be like... i don’t know, rolling a dice a trillion times, and having it land on the number two for each and every one of them. That’s how unlikely you are just to begin with.”

Steve is asleep, and Tony is still drunk, and there is really no point in him continuing. 

“And then there are the added impossibilities of you; a broke skinny kid from the 40′s, undergoing experiments which make you into a superhero, before crashing into the ice and being trapped in stasis for 70-odd years. Coincidentally, just in time for our paths to cross.”

Tony stops, and the silence lasts for a while after that. He’s happy that way; just listening to Steve’s heartbeat against his ear or the slow sounds of his breathing.

“You are impossible, Steve. An impossible person. And the fact that I managed to meet you is even more impossible. Literally. We are talking probabilities so Stupidly, ridiculously, infinitely low here. This sort of thing doesn’t happen- and yet somehow, the universe made it so. Because the universe is kind of a wild card and doesn’t like to follow our stupid rules.”

He takes a breath, and wills himself to say the words. Steve wouldn’t even be conscious to hear them, it would be fine, he could do it.

Tony spends another five minutes trying.  But he can’t. He can’t, and he hates himself for it.

“i think the stars would be very proud to know that their atoms created something as impossible as you,” he says quietly, instead.

It’s weak. It’s not what he wants. But it’s all he can do.

(In his sleep, Steve sighs and rolls on to his back, pulling Tony along with him so his head is resting against Steve’s chest like it’s a pillow.)

And maybe Steve would be okay with that. Maybe steve would be happy with whatever Tony could give him.  Maybe it would work.

He lets himself drift off to sleep.