#buck and eddie in a house in el paso in rooms that are right next to each other. both headboards of their beds up against the shared wall

[nubuckleather]

fic where buck follows eddie to el paso, ostensibly to help him get settled, and then doesn’t leave. and doesn’t leave. also his name is on the deed. also he picked the new tile for the kitchen backsplash. also at some point they started kissing on the mouth

[ivegotyourbackbuddie]

Being in the Diaz home without Chris around is… weird.

Really there are hundreds of different words that Buck could use to explain the absence, but weird is what fits best at the moment.

It’s not like he and Eddie haven’t hung out alone in the house while Christopher had been at school or a friend’s house. But knowing that Chris is states away with no confirmed return date… it’s weird.

They haven’t really spoken about it much - avoiding Eddie’s house, wordlessly going to Buck’s equally empty apartment that nonetheless contains less of Chris’s essence.

Of course, it’s still there. They avoid the gaming system, the drawer filled with Chris’s clothes, the bin full of Lego’s…

But at Eddie’s, it’s not like they can just… avoid the whole house.

Which is why Buck was surprised to get a message from Eddie reading Come over? Which Buck had replied omw while racing to get his shoes on.

He had let himself in with his key, calling out for Eddie only to get no response which set off all the alarm bells in Buck’s head. He forced himself to stay calm, trying not to think of the time he had rushed over there only to find a scared Chris outside a room Eddie had taken apart piece by piece as if trying to represent the brokenness he felt within.

“Eddie?” Buck calls out again, trying to ignore the way his voice wavers as he paces through the house opening the door to Eddie’s room and finding it all in one piece. He sighs in relief but tenses again when he still doesn’t see Eddie. But then it hits him exactly where he is.

He slowly walks down the hall, hesitating and listening in at Chris’s door but not hearing anything before opening it.

He spots Eddie quickly, sitting on a chair next to Chris’s bed. It reminds him of the times when Eddie used to read him stories before bed, voice taking pitches Buck had never heard before all to make a giggling Christopher shriek with loud laughter.

The silence in the room hangs almost as heavily as Eddie’s head in his hands.

“Eddie,” Buck says softly as he walks up to him slowly as if approaching a wild animal, knowing he needs the time to adjust to his presence in the room.

Eddie glances up at him, eyes red-rimmed and wet, but Buck can see that he isn’t one breath away from fully breaking like he has been before. “Hey, Buck,” he replies wetly.

Buck kneels in front of the chair, opening his arms to Eddie who drops his weight into them, squeezing around his shoulders as if he were Chris. “I miss him,” Eddie whispers.

“I do, too,” Buck says, allowing a few tears to slip from his own eyes as he glances at the empty bed. He lets Eddie take as long as he needs in the hug, ignoring the ache in his knees that’s not even comparable to the ache in his chest.

Eventually, Eddie loosens his embrace and moves back, wiping his eyes and chuckling as if it’s the only thing keeping him from crying more. “Let’s get some beers, yeah?” Eddie asks, standing up, and offering a hand to Buck who gladly takes it.

They silently make their way to the kitchen, Buck watching Eddie carefully, trying to anticipate if he needs to talk or be distracted when Eddie’s phone lights up and plays the honking text tone alert.

They both freeze, knowing it’s Chris’s text tone which always made him laugh especially when he would text his dad while in the same room as him. Eddie would always play along with the bit asking, “I wonder who this could be.” While Chris would simultaneously laugh and groan, “Dad.”

Eddie grabs the phone off the counter with shaky hands and reads the message multiple times as if he can’t quite believe what it says. But Buck waits patiently, although all he wants to do is rush over and read it over his shoulder or even snatch the phone out of his hands.

But before he can do anything too impulsive, Eddie glances up with a mixture of shock, relief, and panic when he says, “Chris says he misses me and wants me to come to El Paso.”

Buck smiles but sees that Eddie isn’t doing the same. “That’s a good thing, right?”

Eddie shakes his head and shrugs, internally spiraling a bit. “I don’t know. Yes, it’s good that he misses me. But he didn’t say he wants to come back or he wants me to just briefly visit then come back or how long he wants me there. For all I know, this could be a trial run to see if he ever wants to come back here.” Eddie puts down the phone and wipes his hands over his face. He sighs and drops his hands, expression changing from confused to determined yet still mildly panicked. “I have to call Bobby. But I don’t know if he’ll let me take a temporary leave without doing paperwork that all needs to be approved, but I need to go now.”

Buck makes his way around the counter and puts a hand on Eddie’s shoulder, thumb resting in the dip of his collarbone, mirroring the same stance Eddie uses that always calms Buck down. “I’ll call Bobby, okay? He knows the situation, and he’s more than reasonable when it comes to family. You start packing and looking for tickets for the soonest flight.”

Eddie's shoulders relax as he nods. “Right.” He steps away from Buck as he makes his way to his room, but he pauses and turns around quickly. “Buck?”

Buck hums in response.

“Thank you,” Eddie states, eyes firmly on Buck’s filled with an abundance of gratitude.

“Of course,” Buck replies with a small smile, hoping Eddie is too distracted to read the love written all over his face. And he must be since Eddie takes off soon after.

Buck lets out a calming breath as he processes everything and tries not to get ahead of himself with joy that Chris might be coming back.

A quick phone call later, Buck is once again trying to think of how he can ever repay Bobby for the endless understanding and love he has for the team. He makes his way into Eddie’s room and fills him in on the situation with Bobby currently making a new schedule - already knowing several people who have been asking for overtime and others begging for a chance to work at the 118. Buck can see Eddie going through the same emotions as he did moments before, but they remain for a few seconds longer when he approaches Buck and hugs him tightly, thanking him again.

Buck just holds him and asks, “Have you found a flight?”

Eddie nods, pulling away to hold up his phone. There’s already a confirmation email for the ticket he bought. “There’s a flight that leaves tonight in a few hours.”

“Let me drive you to the airport then,” Buck says, with no room for argument. Eddie only fixes him with a look that has Buck preparing for another hug, but Eddie shakes his head a little and looks down as if telling himself he can’t ask for more.

Buck doesn’t comment on it, but he does check through Eddie’s bag, making sure he didn’t miss anything in his rush, only for Eddie to shove his shoulder against his and say, “If I forgot anything, I’ll just buy a duplicate.”

Buck glances at Eddie's nightstand and grabs his charger, handing it over. “I know you say that, but I also know how much you hate duplicates of anything other than clothes.”

“And ‘Best Dad Ever’ mugs.”

“And those,” Buck says with a fond eye roll, remembering all the times Eddie has insisted that he doesn’t need any more mugs, only to immediately change his tune when Chris holds up a dad mug. “Come on, you don’t want to miss your extremely convenient flight.”

Eddie huffs out a laugh in response but doesn’t disagree.

The drive to the airport is quicker than Buck expected, and when they get there, Buck finds himself parking instead of merely dropping Eddie off. But Eddie doesn’t comment on it. Honestly, it’s as if he was expecting it.

They walk at a leisurely pace, now that they both know that unless something goes horribly wrong, Eddie won’t miss his flight.

“You have your ID and your phone is charged enough to display your ticket?” Buck asks.

Eddie smiles and knocks his shoulder against his. “As I’ve already said three times, yes to both.”

Buck nods, but he feels an overwhelming sense of dread fill his gut. Then, it suddenly hits him that the last time he dropped off someone at the airport was… Abby. And with the departure gates right in front of him, Buck can almost picture that moment when she walked away, and the tiniest voice had told him that it was already over and she was never coming back. It seems to be a tragic theme in his life.

“Hey,” Eddie says firmly, taking him out of the memory. “You okay?”

Buck just nods at him, pasting a small smile on his face. “I just wish I could see Chris, too.”

He knows that Eddie can see that it’s something else chewing him up inside, but they both don’t comment on it.

“Well, thank you again,” Eddie says, lingering in Buck’s space.

Buck hugs him, knowing Eddie isn’t going to take the initiative again. “You know you’d do the same thing for me.”

“Yeah, with a lot more complaining,” Eddie jokes startling a laugh out of Buck.

They both pull away after lingering for a few seconds longer than many friends would. They stare at each other, searching each other’s gaze for something that they’re not able to find - call it stubbornness or obliviousness, but love is there loud and clear to anyone else who merely glances at them.

“I’ll be back soon, and I’ll be giving you play-by-plays of everything,” Eddie reassures him.

Buck just nods, remembering Abby’s promise to call and text every day until those eventually dwindled down to nothing on her side.

“Bye, Eddie.”

“Bye, Buck,” Eddie says with a soft look, turning to leave.

Buck stays and watches, debating if he has the strength to turn and walk away even when he’s out of sight. But to his surprise, Eddie gets through the doors and glances back.

Abby never glanced back.

Then, Eddie rushes back, apologizing to a woman he nearly runs over in the process but continuing on his way back to the doors. “Come with me!” He nearly yells, attracting multiple people’s attention, but Buck doesn’t notice - too distracted trying to process what he has just said.

“Come with me,” Eddie says again, much closer this time. “I know it’s last minute. And you don’t have your bags or anything, and I don’t know if there’s even another ticket left on this flight. But please. Christopher loves you so much, and he would love to see you.”

Buck shakes his head, smiling in disbelief, “Eddie, I can’t just ask Bobby to take us both off the schedule for an indefinite amount of time.”

“He’s done it before! We’re always getting injured together. What’s a few days off going to do?”

Buck smiles and steps in closer. “Eddie, you’re going to be fine. You can do all of this without me there.”

“I know I can, Buck. But I want you there. Don’t you see?” Eddie asks and steps closer, “I want you by my side while I deal with my parents and this whole situation. Even without all of this I would want you to bet there.” And pauses to take a deep breath and fix Buck with a look that pierces deeply. “And I don’t want you to think I’m leaving you. I would never do that. I could be gone for years, and I would never stop thinking about you and messaging you. I could never just forget you. I’m always going to come back for you. No matter the time or the distance.”

Buck’s heart hammers in his chest at the confession that chips away at every insecurity he felt when Abby had left. All the things the tiny voice would say are being directly challenged by everything Eddie says. But this time… Buck realizes the voice wasn’t even there to begin with. Sure, the memory of the voice is loud and clear but… when it’s Eddie? Nothing.

All those years ago, he would’ve gone with Abby in a heartbeat. He would’ve abandoned everything to stay with her and try to make her happy. But now…

Now he knows what it’s like to be truly loved. And to trust the person he loves to come back to him.

So Buck just grabs Eddie’s hand and whispers, “I love you. And that’s why I’m telling you that you can do this on your own. Because I’m going to be here the whole time, waiting for you to come back and making sure everything is okay while you’re away. We’ve already basically built a life here together, and I’m not going to ever risk throwing that away. Plus, I think Bobby would kill us both if we suddenly decided to run away and take Christopher wherever he wants because we both know that’s what would happen if we went together.”

Eddie smiles and laughs, eyes a bit misty as he nods. “Maddie would kill me if I took you away from her.”

Buck smiles softly. “I think she would try, but ultimately she’d be happy for us.”

Eddie nods in agreement but his expression changes from fond amusement to steadfast fondness. He pauses before saying, “I love you, too, you know.”

“I know. Especially after that confession. Really dramatic of you, Diaz.”

“Like you can say anything, Evan,” Eddie laughs.

And Buck can’t help but notice the way that his name falls off his lips, always in a way that screams love but he never noticed before. He shakes his head and laughs, “How long have we been in love with each other but too dumb to realize it?”

Eddie shakes his head and says, “I don’t know. I think I loved you a bit ever since you were an asshole to me and tried to call yourself my elder.”

Buck laughs loudly before sincerely saying, “I think I loved you the moment I laid eyes on you.”

Eddie rolls his eyes. “I think you felt that way more about Chris than about me.”

“Maybe.” And yeah, that’s probably one hundred percent true. Buck gets a sudden idea that has him frowning and tilting his head. “Hey, how much longer do we have to stay idiots who haven’t kissed even after we confessed our love for each other?”

Eddie laughs and shakes his head, turning away to say, “Dios, Buck. I’m not going to let our first kiss be outside an airport. That’s a little dramatic even for us. I’d much rather it be in my kitchen when I bring Christopher back to us.”

Buck steps closer and tilts his head down. “How about we make that our second kiss?”

Eddie bites the corner of his lip and glances around before saying, “Fuck it,” pulling Buck in right then and kissing him chastely before pulling back. “And don’t ask to do that again because I don’t want Athena to arrest us for public indecency.”

“And you say I’m the dramatic one,” Buck laughs, trying not to pull Eddie in for another kiss.

“Because you are,” Eddie says, backing away. “I’ll see you soon.”

“Yeah,” Buck replies, knowing that no matter how long Eddie is gone, soon will never be soon enough. But that’s okay. Because he knows he’ll always have his back. And that’s more than enough for him.

(Ao3 Link yay!!!)

[beecauseevan]

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December 2023

"We should do Secret Santa," Buck says at breakfast the next day. They're at their favorite café, winding down after last night's shift, and Eddie tears his eyes away from the large steaming cup Buck is cradling and looks at Buck's face instead. The morning sun is caressing his cheeks, turning his birthmark a rosy shade of red. 

"Secret Santa?" Eddie echoes.

"That's what I said."

"Are you sure?" Eddie asks. "Also, it's 66 degrees out here. Why are you drinking hot chocolate?"

"Don't be a Grinch, Eddie," Buck reprimands him, his smile disarmingly proud. That's the movie they ended up watching after they came back from that snow-slime infestation, which means Buck's list of must-see Christmas movies that he has watched grew by 100% last night.

"Secret Santa gets complicated if there's too many people," Eddie points out. "We would need a guest list. People would have to RSVP."

"Okay," Buck says. "Then let's do a guest list."

"It was supposed to be a casual Christmas party."

"Who said that?"

"Bobby," Eddie replies, "when he suggested it."

Buck shrugs. "Bobby roasts his own cereal. He doesn't know casual."

"Well." Eddie doesn't have a rebuttal for that. 

Buck smiles, satisfied, and stirs his hot chocolate. "Hey. Did you know that you need 400 cocoa beans to produce one pound of chocolate?“

"Where did you learn that? Never mind," Eddie says, before Buck can answer. "You're from Hershey."

"Actually, I learned that when I was in Peru."

"Was that when you had the frosted tips?"

"Shut up," Buck snaps, not unkindly. His cheeks are red, and Eddie is suddenly very pleased with himself. "I still can't believe Maddie showed you that picture. I should uninvite her. She's uninvited from our second official 118 Christmas party."

"Chim might have something to say about that," Eddie replies.

"I'll just ignore him. I'm good at that."

December 2024

"Here." Chim hands Eddie a cup of hot chocolate. It's bad, too sweet, the taste artificial in a way that suggests it's never seen actual chocolate, but Eddie didn't expect any culinary delights from a hospital vending machine anyway.

"Thanks."

They're sitting outside Buck's room. Maddie is in there right now, with Jee. Eddie stares into his cup for a bit, then at that door, and then back down at the cup. He swirls it around, watches the grainy brown residue slide slowly down the plastic. 

"Did you know." He clears his throat, starts again. "Did you know it takes 400 cocoa beans to get one pound of actual chocolate? That's kind of crazy, right?"

Chim sits down and leans back, trying to get comfortable. It's impossible, Eddie knows that from experience. Hospital chairs are never comfortable. Still, Chim tries. He stretches out his legs next to Eddie's, and then he puts a hand on Eddie's arm.

"He'll be okay. He always is."

"Yeah," Eddie says. They don't know that yet, but Chim is right. Buck has to be okay. "He will be."

He bans all other possibilities from his mind, kicks them out and shuts the door behind them. It's not that hard, because they don't leave behind a vacuum. He has plenty of shit he can occupy himself with, and there's one what if scenario that screams particularly loudly, that won't stay in the little corner of his mind where he keeps trying to banish it to. 

What if he hadn't been there? He hasn't found a place in El Paso yet. He's been looking—Buck's been helping—but buying a house is a pretty big commitment and he doesn't want to make the wrong choice. It has to be perfect. It has to be a place Chris will want to call home. He hasn't found that yet. 

What if he had? 

What if Buck had been alone out there? 

What if, instead of fighting tooth and nail to save his life, Eddie had been on the receiving end of a terrible phone call instead? He could be standing at a grave instead of sitting by Buck’s hospital bed. 

How is he supposed to live with that possibility?

Written for the @911countdowntochristmas - this was supposed to be 24 drabbles but the Buddie NDE speculation going around pre 8x08 inspired me and now it’s a 24-mini-chaptered fic instead. And definitely more hurt/comfort than fluff. Oops.

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[sickofthistoxicshit]

I know ya'll are like this is proof of buddie canon,

And as someone who's been here from the beginning, I will believe it when I see it, not before.

There are four ways Eddie little pointless adventure can go,

1. He moves to El Paso, Christopher does not want to see him, his parents put as many obstacles as possible, Buck joins him in a true copying of Station 19 where at the end of the season Vic leaves and Travis meets her at the airport telling her his home is wherever she is and they leave together.

Prompting the spin off of Buck and Eddie together in El Paso. With an angsty backstory in the background and stuff.

2. Eddie and Buck go canon while they're looking for a house for Eddie, Buck asks Eddie not to move, kisses him they have some angsty back and forward in which Eddie goes to see the house up close, misses Buck and decides he doesn't want this, he convinces Christopher to go home with him and comes back to a delighted Buck.

3. Both of them go to see the house, Eddie loves it but it doesn't feel the right kind of happy, they both confess their feelings in El Paso and come back to LA hopefully after Eddie grows a backbone with his emotional support Buck, and tells his parents to go fuck themselves and his son that he can be mad at him all he wants at home in LA, but they can't work this out while they're in two different states so far apart from each other.

Christopher will probably come around either when he hears that, Thank God, no more poor substitutes for mothers will come through their door because he finally gets his Buck and Eddie together.

Or he's still sullen and teenager-y until Eddie’s next nde and then he'll come around, after crying to Buck that he doesn't want his dad to die thinking he hates him.

It will probably be the second option.

4. Eddie moves, Buck misses him like a missing limb, he goes to visit after one FaceTime too many and they end up together, either doing this long distance, or Buck moves to el paso, or they are both along with Christopher comes back to LA.

Some people are mad that I'm holding Christopher accountable for his behavior, and I will probably at some point make a long post about it, but the thing is, that unlike Buck's small family, Christopher had so many people and family to choose from to separate himself from his dad, but he chose the one pair of people that he knows will keep Eddie away at all cost, will let him get away with whatever just so that he stays with them.

And will give Eddie a pause before he will finally decide to get over his guilt over his one mistake of a stalker showing up against his will in his house, and stirring up painful shit for him and his son, and will come get him much later than he would have otherwise.

Because Eddie is sure he doesn't deserve to be redeemed, he actually thought up until his conversation with Father Brian that he didn't even deserve to drink juice, ok?

That's how bad the guilt is. Does Eddie have a lot of self work to do after TM erased all his progress cause he's a vindictive little bitch? Yes.

Is Christopher, which went through so much with his father and even at one point asked Eddie if he is the one making him sad, is the most ooc he's ever been written so far? Yes.

Can he be held accountable for his actions? At the moment of the ghost Shannon reveal, not entirely.

But six months later? Absolutely.

At this point, he's enjoying himself too much to go back to Eddie and his school and his duties, and he doesn't even discuss with Eddie his plans for the future.

Just hints that say, 'No, I barely want to talk to you and send me the autograph to my room on Texas as a reward for giving you half a breadcrumb every time you call'.

I am mad at Christopher for choosing the one pair of people he knew would do as much damage as possible and would take him away and keep him in a heartbeat.

Because, make no mistakes children are not stupid, they learn patterns of behavior, they see and hear everything, Christopher knows how hard it is for Eddie to deal with his parents and he is taking full advantage of it.

I am mad at Eddie for not putting his foot down and that he didn't send his parents packing the moment they showed up at his doorstep.

And I am mad at the Diaz parents for being the narcissistic assholes who want a second chance at raising their son's kid by taking him away from his father and rubbing it in on top of it.

This whole storyline is just one big cluster fuck, and I get that buddie canon is a potentially exciting future, but with Eddie’s storyline in shambles, which as an Eddie girl is the only thing I care about right now, I find it hard to be excited.

Also we've been here before, this is the same game plan as S5 5x10 and S5b which fox and the showrunner chickened out of last time.

So, yes, buddie may happen, but I ain't getting excited before they actually do. This show has given me trust issues, plain and simple.

[therealstacyfakename]

ok so here's a snippet from a fic I started thinking about last night and wrote about 2k words of scenes/outlines. It's about omega!Eddie as a single parent, Shannon is gonna come back and be kind of a dick.

When people learned Eddie was a single mother they looked at him differently. 

They didn’t mean to and it wasn’t always malicious, but when someone figured out he was a twenty-five year old omega with a seven year old son and no alpha in the picture their perception of him changed. People always tensed up or cringed and started to pity him when they learned his story.

Eddie was used to it by the time he moved to LA, he had been an object of fascination for stranger long before Shannon left him. 

First he was the eighteen-year old omega too stupid not to get pregnant before graduation. Then he was the irresponsible mother who left his son for Afghanistan. No one seemed to care about the fact Shannon had been unwilling to find a job that would support them. He’d done what seemed right at the time with the information he had. 

Guys in his squad were okay, but they didn’t always know how to treat an omega. Sometimes it was hard for them to acknowledge that he wasn’t just a short alpha, he will

When he came home from his last tour, the purple heart and battle scars weren’t enough to get people to respect his military service. He would always be the mother who abandoned a child. 

Then when Shannon left, leaving only a note, he was the omega who couldn’t keep his alpha. 

Eddie could only take the whispers at church and the side-eye at the supermarket for a few months before he put in for a position in the LAFD. He hadn’t finished firefighter training in El Paso but LA was the only city that wouldn’t make him start the year over. That added bonus on top of being close to Tia Pepa and Abuela were all he needed to pack up his apartment and say goodbye to his parents. 

His parents never brought up the fact Shannon was in LA when they tried to stop him from moving. Maybe they’d forgotten. Maybe as much as they hated her they still thought a child needed an alpha and omega in their life and were secretly praying Eddie would get her to come back. He couldn’t worry about the inner machinations of his parents for too long if he didn’t want his head to start pounding. 

LA was their new start. No one there would know his story.   

Eddie did his best not to talk about Chris in the fire academy or with his new house. He was just Edmundo Diaz, single omega. He could deal with the casual sexism, it wasn’t anything the army hadn’t already doled out to him.

Being the top of his class was the best protection against alphas who didn’t think he belonged there. Double certification as a firefighter and paramedic helped him stand out when applying to firehouses. He got the last laugh when he had four different fire captains courting him. 

The 118 seemed like a good place, they employed other omegas and the captain promised that they had a zero tolerance policy for dynamic based discrimination. 

On his first day he felt the familiar sensation of eyes following him. A lockerroom with glass walls was novel enough, he could tell they were watching him put his uniform on. He made a mental note to move his stuff to the omega-only locker room for next shift, the idea of a coworker staring at his hips and stretch marks made his skin crawl. 

One firefighter hadn’t seemed to get the memo about working with omegas, he had a problem with Eddie from the moment he laid eyes on him. 

Evan “Buck” Buckley was over six feet of beefy alpha with an attitude problem. He spent the entire shift trying to compare dick measurements. 

Pulling a live grenade out of an open wound at the end of shift seemed to have proven he was worthy of being there. 

After the alpha warmed up to him the first few shifts went smoothly and Eddie started to find a rhythm with getting Chris ready for school and taking him to Abuelas. He needed a more permanent childcare for when he had to be at work but the red tape of finding benefits made his head spin.

When a 7.2 quake hit Los Angeles Eddie’s secret slipped out. He knew that eventually his coworkers would know about Chris, but it was one of those possibilites he pushed away from his consciousness whenever possible. 

Sitting in the engine on the way to a hotel It was no longer a problem for future Eddie.

Everyone knew he had a son and the father wasn’t in the picture. 

He didn’t have to look at their faces to picture the gears turning in his coworker’s heads. Probably already placing their bets on whether he was a widow, a divorcé, or something else equally shameful for an omega of his age. 

Only there weren’t any questions or judgmental looks. 

Buck just smiled and asked to see a photo of Christopher. 

Snippets with Shannon coming back & buck visiting the mall Santa with Eddie under the cut:

Shannon will be in this fic too

The school needed to meet Shannon too. They were still married and Shannon was still his legal guardian so of course logic dictated that they would want to meet her. 

Which is why Eddie was staring at his phone in the loft. Thumb hovering over the call button in Shannon’s contact card. 

Would she even pick up? If she did would she agree to come to the school? Eddie hadn’t tried to contact her since she left that note and for good reason. 

In some ways, some unadmittable ways, it was easier not to co-parent with Shannon anymore. She wasn’t there to complain about his choices or absence anymore. 

A child needs his omega eddie. She’d said to him over an over while he was in the Army. As if it was his fault. 

Shannon confronting him at the station after he kicked her out:

Of course she confronted him at the station. She marched in and surprised him

“What are you doing here?” 

“You won’t answer my texts or return my calls.” 

“This is just not the place.” He replied while accepting another toy donation from a visitor.

“Maybe this is the perfect place where we can have a conversation that doesn’t end up with us in bed. My omega won’t talk to me.” She snipped, her scent spiking and catching the attention of the other firefighters on duty.

“Follow me.” He turned and knew she’d follow. They needed to have this talk somewhere private, almost impossible in a firehouse with glass walls in it’s locker room. 

“I can’t do this here, not now” Eddie started, it was true he had no idea what to say.

“Then where and when? It’s been almost two months and right now I feel even further away from you and from him than I ever did when we weren’t speaking. Are you ever going to let me see Christopher?” She moved through the locker room as she spoke, leaving less space between them as she made her accusations.

“Of course.” He paused. “Eventually.” 

“Does he know that I’m here?” She asked incredulously. 

Eddie ran his fingers through is hair, trying not to feel untethered. “I didn’t want to confuse him, not till I was sure of-”

“Of me?” She snapped. “Because you seemed pretty sure when we started having sex again. Or did you forget that you presented yourself to me last night. What is it that you can bare your neck for your alpha at home and in our bed but in the morning you wake up and I’m suddenly not good enough?” 

“Is that how you see this? Some transaction? What you sleep with me so I let you see Christopher?” His voice was shaking. 

She shook her head, “I thought it was a reconciliation, right up until you hid me from our son!” 

“I didn’t know what else to do!” He yelled. Realizing that someone was bound to notice them screaming at each other. He took a deep breath and lowered his voice as he continued. “I didn’t know what else to do.” 

“Whatever I need to do to prove myself and fix things name it. I am-” A knock on the locker room door cut her off.

It was Buck, still wearing that crooked Santa hat, leaning against the door. “Hey is uh everything ok in here?”

“This is a disagreement between mates and none of your business.” Shannon snapped, pointing a finger at Buck. 

Buck looked skeptical. 

Eddie made eye contact and nodded. “We’re almost done in here Buck you can go back to the toy drive.” 

He didn’t look happy about it, but the alpha walked away. 

Shannon watched him retreat before turning back to Eddie. “Or is the reason you don’t want me to see our son because of your new alpha knot?” 

“Jesus Christ Shannon, Buck is a friend.”

“Then what is it? What do I have to do so you’ll forgive me enough to see our son? Will you ever forgive me?” 

“I can forgive you, I’m just not sure I can trust you.” 

Shannon didn’t have anything to say to that. She huffed and left the station. Leaving Eddie to wonder if it could ever be fixed. 

Buck and Eddie at the Santa

Eddie scooped Chris up and started to walk back to Buck’s Jeep. Buck wasn’t right behind him though, once he noticed his absence Eddie stopped. Turning he saw that the Christmas elf was saying something to Buck that made the younger man stutter and blush. 

When Buck caught up to the two of them he had a strange look on his face and a pleased scent that made Eddie want to burry his nose in Buck’s neck, in a totally platonic way of course. 

“What was that?”

“Oh she just uh had some nice things to say.” He responded.

Eddie didn’t feel like prodding, he’d had enough bickering for one day. “Well how could she not when the greatest kid in the world was just there?” He asked playfully, squeezing Chris for emphasis. His son’s laughter eased the tension he hadn’t realized was still there since Shannon’s visit. 

“Yeah, it would be impossible.” Buck replied, his eyes locked on Christopher. 

There was a glint in Buck’s eyes as they walked back to the car, something new and unfamiliar to Eddie. Something good, something hopeful, something bordering on possessive, something he’d never seen in Shannon’s before. 

[ravi-is-my-beloved]

My 8x05 Thoughts & Summary

Time for that weekly review of the new 9-1-1 episode! This one hurt so bad. Oof.

911 Spoilers Under the Cut!!!

The episode starts with Denny, Mara, Karen, Jee-Yun, and Hen all in costume, taking pictures the day before Halloween. They eventually get Chim and Maddie to be in some pictures and then we get the start of the conflict for Henren, with Karen saying that Hen should take tomorrow night off. She says that Hen misses all of the big moments.

Right after that, is Athena having this talk with a class of high schoolers, basically telling them not to be stupid on Halloween. There's a pair of teenage girls who aren't listening, giggling and being on their phones. (Typical teenager things.) We get this rather funny line of Athena where she says "No, I don't speak stupid" after the teacher says that she doesn't speak "Sigma". I have my doubts on whether or not the show used that term correctly, but I also don't know how to use it, so whatever.

Then comes the start of all of Buck's problems in this episode. The firehouse is tasked to do this haunted house where they all dress up and decorate the firehouse to make it scary (but not too scary) for the kids. Buck of course finds a corpse that he is told is a dummy, it's not. He accidentally rips the corpse's left arm right out of its socket, accidentally traumatizing some group of children by screaming that the "dummy" is actually real.

We also get Eddie (while everyone's decorating, so before the Buck stuff) lamenting about how Chris thinks Halloween is cringe and won't be trick-or-treating this year, not that he'd be able to trick-or-treat with Chris because of Chris still being in El Paso. He tells Chim to basically cherish the moments with Jee (which also adds more guilt to Hen, who is nearby).

We get the pumpkin head call, this poor father having put the pumpkin on his head because this is was the first time he got his kids on Halloween in a while. Turns out, the pumpkins he got are already rotting so he had swollen up hence why he couldn't get it off. Thankfully, the team manages to save him, but just as Buck is reassuring the dad that they see stupid stuff all of the time, Buck slips on pumpkin guts and dislocated (you guess it) his left shoulder.

The hospital scene where they're putting Buck's shoulder back in is next, Tommy coming into the room after the doctor tells Buck (and Eddie who is sitting in the chair beside the bed) that he should be able to go back to work the next shift (for light work). Buck immediately tells Tommy about the curse and of course both Tommy and Eddie laugh, neither one believing it.

Hen goes home to her family and when Karen asks if she asked Bobby about taking the next shift off, Hen reveals that it was a choice between Chim taking off for Jee or Hen doing it (only one of them could take the shift off). And she and Chim both chose to just work. I actually think this is where Karen says Hen misses all of the big moments (I can't remember which scene it happened in, so I'm going to add that it's possible that it wasn't in the opening scenes.)

Buck is looking up about "Billy Boils", which is what the internet calls the guy who is the corpse. Tommy is trying to get him to sleep, because Buck is just scrolling. And then in the morning, Tommy sees the boils on Buck's face that came in the middle of the night. Eddie comes over and treats the boils as best as he can, trying to give any explanation for the boils beside the curse. Eddie and Buck have this little bet where Eddie says it'll clear up in time for shift. (Spoiler alert: it did not clear up.)

Now comes to their shifts and the first call they go to is to extinguish this small fire that's on this vice principal's porch because a bunch of kids left a flaming bag of "stuff" (they never specify what's in the bag) and the guy tries to get anyone to stop these kids, but that's not the fire department's job, so they leave. But then, his house later on gets egged and Maddie (who had taken both of his calls) tells him to just write a report in the morning.

But the guy is already chasing after the kids who egged his house in his car. The call drops and then Josh gets a call from the kids the guy is chasing and as he's on the phone with the kids, there's a sound of a car crash.

The 118 gets to the scene of the crash and they get told that the driver is still inside and the car is pinning a kid to the house. And it's Denny, the kid is Denny.

The vice principal is dead (RIP to him) so everyone focuses on getting the car off Denny while Hen and Chim try and treat Denny as best as they can with the car still pinning him. It's a heartbreaking scene, learning that Denny had shoved Mara out of the way when the car was coming.

Denny starts bleeding internally from his stomach and because the blood will take fifteen minutes to come and Denny becomes unconscious, Hen says to do a field transfusion because Karen is A Negative like Denny is. So we get this heart-wrenching moment where the blood is being transfused, but then they lose Denny's pulse.

So there's a moment where it's just the show's music and we see Hen desperately doing compression on Denny as everyone else works to do shelving (or whatever it's called) because they don't want the roof to collapse when they pull the car out. Thankfully, they get Denny's pulse back (I was really worried there, though) and they get the car off of him, quickly getting him into the ambulance.

So we get another hospital scene, this time all of them (except Maddie, Hen, and Karen. Though Karen and Hen are in Denny's hospital room, Maddie was taking care of Mara and Jee) are in the waiting room. Hen texts the groupchat that Denny is okay, he's just sleeping. Tommy says something about how it's good that the 118 all has each other to support one another and that's when Buck goes "Oh, I know how to break the curse!"

As they're all sitting there in the waiting room, the two kids that the principal was chasing come (because they feel guilty that Denny got hurt because of their actions) and when Bobby points out that they're the kids who the vice principal was chasing, Athena sees it's the two girls who weren't paying attention while she was speaking a day earlier. I'm lumping in the quick scene where the girls are in their classroom, telling their classmates about how you really shouldn't do stupid things on Halloween. (I lumped those two scenes together because it's a really short scene.)

Right after the waiting room scene is Hen and Karen at Denny's bedside and they have this heart-warming conversation about how they were lucky Hen was at work, able to be on scene to help save Denny. They end their talk with Hen saying that they both saved him (which is true because Karen gave Denny blood).

The next important scene is Buck going to gravesite for Billy Boils and talking about the curse and how it's because of the fact that Billy was turned into the authorities by his posse and he goes into this whole speech (which starts the montage of scenes about the various calls they had in the episode) where it's sad to go through life alone (which is the moment when they see Eddie so sadly looking at a picture of him and Chris all dressed up when Chris was younger) but it's even sadder to go through death alone. And he basically has that whole speech, makes a comment about how he hopes that's what it takes to get the curse lifted and he leaves.

All in all, this was a good episode. It had funny moments in the beginning, I really laughed hard at the costumes they had the 118 in during the haunted house scene. There was the emotional moments with Denny (which wrecked me). And overall, it ended in a way that satisfied me.

I just hope that they give the Wilson family a break from emotional trauma after this, though. They've gone through a lot in these past few episodes.

The small hiatus is going to seem so long, though. And I can't wait to see how episode 6 will be.

[try-set-me-on-fire]

Some extra thoughts about Buck sees death au (same content warnings for the rest of the fic asdfg)

I always planned to end the fic where I did but I do think the rest of their stay in El Paso is rockier. Chris wakes up really early the next morning and wants to make pancakes but Buck doesn’t want to use ingredients in someone else’s kitchen without permission so they sneak out to a grocery store in their pajamas (they didn’t want to wake Eddie up digging around in the suitcases) and Ramon is up by the time they get back and is disgruntled that they went out into the world less than fully dressed and presentable, and Chris is like “It’s vacation, abuelo, you can wear pajamas on vacation” in his teenager duh voice and Ramon isn’t happy about that either and there’s probably some this is the example you want to set kind of comment aimed at Buck and like Eddie is still in bed and Buck isn’t sure how much he should be pushing back on this so he kind of just tries to smooth it over and start making the pancakes and things are still kind of weird and tense when Eddie gets up but Buck doesn’t want to start anything up again so he just shakes his head at Eddie’s questioning look and starts plating breakfast. (Also he happened to see freesias at the store and got Eddie a little bouquet, the sap.)

And then later in the day Buck gets a migraine (been happening more frequently since the lightning strike but not enough that his doctor is worried) and Eddie is kicking himself because he forgot to pack the excedrin but his mom has some so Buck takes the medicine and Eddie bundles him back to bed and leaves him to rest for awhile and when he comes back out Helena starts asking questions that start off concerned and quickly become pointed about how dangerous their jobs are, how they both put themselves at risk, what would happen to Christopher, maybe Buck should consider non-active duty, he did die after all, etc etc. and Eddie gets very snippy because they’re not going to quit their jobs, he didn’t die, he’s right here in the other room very much alive, and Shannon died crossing a fucking street so anything can happen to anyone at any time, mom, I’m not going to live my life worried about what might happen. I have his back and he has mine. We’re getting married in the summer. He brought me flowers this morning. This is the life I want to live.

And the two of them go out square dancing with Adriana that night and Buck is still terrible at it and Eddie loves him so so much and he gets a little drunk and they make out in the bathroom and he sloppily whispers “I want you inside me so fucking bad” but they don’t actually get around to doing anything more giving each other a hickey or two, Buck promising to treat him so right once they get back home. And maybe Eddie convinces the still sober Adriana to drive them around town to places he used to hang out, which turns kind of sad because they’re mostly places he used to hang out with Shannon. “It hurts sometimes,” he sighs into Buck’s collarbones, “To love somebody so much.” And they hold each other very tight when they get back to the house and go to bed, and are too hungover in the morning to particularly care that Ramon and Helena disapprove of this, too, but goodbyes manage to be civil and when his parents say they’re looking forward to the wedding they mean it, and when they shake Buck’s hand and say they’re glad Eddie has him in his life they mean that too. And driving with a hangover is miserable but they’re together and going home and so things are okay.

And like Buck is still depressed and anxious and working through his ptsd, he’s not just fixed by a few nice conversations with people who love him, but he’s in a much better place than he was throughout winter, and he keeps going to therapy and working on how to feel better and when the freeway collapse happens it doesn’t destroy him as much as he might have expected, because he’s able to get everyone out safe because he really is good at his job and everyone really does have each other’s backs. And in the summer when Buck and Eddie get married it’s truly so lovely. The light is beautiful, and they have breakfast for dinner, and there are freesias everywhere, and its all perfect because they’re here together. And then the next year or the year after they do have another kid, and it’s wonderful and terrifying and hard and the easiest thing in the world and Chris is a fantastic older brother and they all just get to live their lives, with all the good and bad that comes with that. Mostly good! They have each other, it’s mostly good!

And then far future, I think in 20 or so years everyone is at a family bbq and reminiscing about the good ol days and wilder calls they had and Buck is like… i know how this is going to sound but I used to know when people were going to die. And everyone’s like oh yeah you had great instincts and he shakes his head and explains the whole thing and it leads to a terrible fight between him and Eddie because Eddie spent those months very frightened that Buck might try to kill himself. He’s angry that Buck went through this alone, he’s angry that Buck didn’t let him know the truth while it was happening, he’s angry that he wasn’t even entirely wrong. Buck threw himself in front of that car! He wasn’t doing well! By his own admission Bobby used to disappear when he was feeling suicidal, the lightning happened to be the thing that got him but what if, what if, what if. And Buck admits that if he didn’t have Eddie it might have gone another way but he did have him, Eddie took such good care of him even when he was too afraid or sad or exhausted to explain what he was really going through. And Eddie is only angry because he loves him so much so they work it out and then have a lot of tender middle aged sex about it.

Anyway, this was a fun au I had a great time making poor Buck so so miserable! I hope you had fun with it too!

[mistletouchunderthetree]

open the blinds, let me see your face

Buck/Eddie | Rated T | 13,504 words

Eddie's mom convinces him to attend his 15-year high school reunion, right after Eddie makes a promise to himself (and Frank) that the next time he sees his parents he'll come out to them. It's a dilemma that Buck is ready and willing to help him with

Or, the Fake Dating High School Reunion fic

First off, a HUGE thank you to everyone who has cheered me on as I've written this fic. It's been a monster but I've finally tamed it and here it is - The High School Reunion Fake Dating Fic. Special shoutouts to @sibylsleaves and @messyhairdiaz who keep me motivated weekly on Seven Sentence Sunday and WIP Wednesday posts, and to @mmtions for holding my hand through so much of this. Hope everyone enjoys!

The Facebook invite arrives in early March, and Eddie immediately writes it off. Not because he has a particular disdain for his high school years, but because going to the reunion would mean going to El Paso and going to El Paso would mean seeing his parents. And considering he had made a promise to himself (and Frank, who happened to be in the room when he made the decision) that the next time he saw his parents he would tell them he’s queer, he very much would not like to be in El Paso any time soon.

Besides, he really doesn’t want to think about the fact that high school was fifteen years ago. Chris has been growing like a weed (and developing a pre-teen attitude that rivals Eddie’s own level of sarcasm) and this reminder of the passing of time just isn’t something he needs right now.

What he needs right now, this minute, is to find the damn can opener. The ground beef is already on the stove and soon it’s going to need the tomato sauce and Eddie is strong but not that strong; he can’t open a canned good with his bare hands. And then he remembers Buck in the kitchen three days ago, making them both lunch after a long shift, resorting to mostly frozen food and canned goods. Eddie hadn’t cared – he loves anything Buck does for him, loves that Buck wants to come to his house just to be after work, loves that he wants to surprise Chris at school pick-up and help him with his homework and read him the next chapter of whatever fantasy series they’re on now. He just – he loves Buck.

He finds the can opener in the junk drawer, where Buck always leaves it, even though Eddie always tells him to put it with the silverware.

He’s got a pot of water on the stove and sauce simmering when his phone rings. He almost answers it without looking, assuming it’s Buck, but he glances at the name first and is suddenly hit with a ball of anxiety, right in the chest.

He answers. “Hey, Mom, what’s up?”

“Eddie, “she says, and he can hear the smile in her voice. “How many days will you be staying when you come for the reunion?”

He flounders for a moment. “We’re having a family reunion?”

“No, no.” She uses that voice that implies he should already know what she’s talking about. “Your high school reunion. Roberta says it’s the first weekend of June. Will you be staying Friday through Sunday?”

Eddie walks to the couch and sits, letting his forehead fall on his free hand. “I’m not going to that, Mom. I already declined the invite on Facebook.”

“What are you talking about? You and Tyler were so close.” Eddie rolls his eyes, but she keeps going. “Besides, I’m sure it’d be nice to see all your little theatre friends and baseball buddies.”

He internally winces at the mention of his high school baseball career, thinking about the last time he’d picked up his baseball bat.

“I really can’t, Mom. It’s hard to get a full weekend off, and arranging someone to care for Christopher –“

“Well, you’d bring him, of course,” his mom says like it’s a foregone conclusion. “Your father and I will look after him while you attend the festivities.”

And God, does that sound awful. As much as Chris loves his grandparents, he hates their helicopter grandparenting style, made even worse when Eddie isn’t around to balance out the scales. But the real reason he’s digging his heels in sits heavy like a weight in his gut: he doesn’t want to see the look on his father’s face when Eddie tells him he’s queer. And he’s not one to break promises, even ones made only to himself in therapy – he just thought he’d have a little bit more time to prepare.

He sighs, half-listening as his mom lists all the things she and his dad plan to do with Christopher over the course of the weekend.

“Hold on,” he interrupts, as some of the words she’s saying sink in, “the second day of the reunion is a picnic for families that we’re not even going to, so you’d only have him for Saturday night. And,” he pauses and lets out a weary sigh. “We’ll arrive Saturday morning and leave Sunday evening. And – “

He bites his lip, looks up at the ceiling like the answer might be written there. It’s not, just a water stain and a chip in the paint. He wonders if it’s something he and Buck could fix together. He shakes the thought, closes his eyes, and focuses on his mom.

“And you have to pay for our flights. We can’t afford to fly to Texas on such short notice so soon after Dad’s retirement party.”

“Done,” his mother says without pause, and the excitement in her voice is palpable. He wavers one last time, but finally works up his courage.

“And I might be bringing someone, which means I’ll be staying in a hotel, not at the house.”

“You’re seeing someone?”

“I -“ he stutters. “There’s – there’s someone to bring.”

“Well, we’re thrilled to meet her, Eddie,” she says, and Eddie doesn’t bother correcting her.

“It’s not for sure, I have to ask,” Eddie says quickly, but his mom is already on the subject of breakfast at their house on Sunday if they won’t stay at the house and which airline do they want to use, she’ll get three tickets and send him the info. He lets the conversation reach its natural end (when his mom has run out of things to say) and lets himself collapse back into the couch cushions when he hangs up.

The house is quiet; Chris is at school and Buck is covering a shift for someone and isn’t due home for twenty more minutes. He groans out loud for no one to hear. “Fuck.”

And then he remembers his simmering sauce and rushes to the kitchen to stir, happy to see nothing burned over the course of his phone call. The water’s boiling and he tosses in the spaghetti noodles. And if he sits down at the kitchen table, satisfied by the meal he’s making, by the fact that it will be finishing up right as Buck arrives, by the fact that it’s one of Buck’s favorite after-shift meals, then he’s alone, and no one has to know.

Continue reading on AO3

[hmslusitania]

If I may be so bold as to throw one of these your way, could I suggest:

24. Soulmate AU + 57. Forgotten First Meeting, with Buddie of course

24. Soulmate AU + 57. Forgotten First Meeting

Okay, so, it’s like this:

The first time your soulmate touches you skin to skin, it leaves a mark. And over time (because in a world where there are soulmarks, you know there would be entire scientific branches devoted to studying them) the different colours left behind on your skin have been decoded.

Red, weirdly, is for platonic love, so when eight-year-old Maddie Buckley holds her brand new baby brother for the first time and kisses him right there on his eyebrow, well, it leaves Evan with a splotch on his face and saves Maddie just, like, so much money in lipstick for the rest of her life.

The marks stay connected, too, throughout a person’s lifetime. Touch them together again and it sparkles under your skin like an effervescent tablet in water. And that’s true of all marks, not just romantic or platonic ones.

For a long time, those marks are the only ones either Buckley sibling has.

When Maddie gives him her Jeep and Buck runs, out from under their parents’ thumbs, she gets him to stoop down and kisses him on the eyebrow again, and then they don’t see each other for years.

Buck travels. He crosses the US a few times, back and forth. He goes to Peru, he comes back. He crosses the US again, taking a long drive through the deserts that look like paintings that make up the southwestern corner of the country. He ends up stopping the night in El Paso on his way between places, stocks up on provisions for the rest of his road trip to LA where he thinks he might try his hand at being a firefighter.

He stops a few other places, too, and doesn’t notice until he gets to the beach in LA and strips off his shirt to go for a swim. There’s a livid purple soulmark on his arm.

And he has no idea who it came from.

Soulmarks aren’t really essential for relationships, at least that’s what everyone keeps telling him when, ah, circumstances conspire to mean that Eddie and Shannon need to get married. Due to the whole “lack of soulmarks” thing, neither of them had really meant for their relationship to be serious, but, now, well.

Things are tense, at best.

But Christopher.

Eddie’s still terrified, of course he is, he’s twenty-two and he’s supposed to be a dad? But in the delivery room, he gets talked into trimming the umbilical cord just moments after Chris is born, and that’s terrifying, what if he fucks it up, and Christopher’s little belly is so small and surely he shouldn’t be putting scissors -- even sterilised medical ones -- anywhere near his newborn son -- he has a son, what even is happening right now -- and he doesn’t really mean to but he pats Chris on the shoulder to try and calm him -- being born is just, like, a lot for everyone, parents and children alike, and Eddie kind of wishes he was allowed to scream right then too, but he’ll leave that to the kid (oh god he has a kid).

Bright red blooms across Chris’s shoulder and for a wild second, Eddie thinks that maybe, somehow, his son is allergic to him.

The actual significance sets in a few seconds later when he notes that the pads of his own fingers are the same shade of red.

All three of the grandparents in the room take it in turns to pass Christopher around and see if they, also, have this connection to their grandson. They don’t. And to make things just that much worse, neither does Shannon.

So, y’know, things are tense.

At best.

It’s years later, after Eddie gets back from Afghanistan, after Shannon’s left Chris and given up on Eddie, after she’s sent the divorce papers, that he’s finally deciding he needs to take Chris and get the hell out of Texas. He hasn’t resolved to do this at all, he’s still just thinking about it (his parents haven’t tried to take Chris from him yet), and he’s doing his grocery shopping in the dead of night because he doesn’t really have another time to do it, what with working three jobs and having a six-year-old.

He’s so lost in thought about where they’d go if they left Texas and what he would do to support them that he’s only vaguely aware of someone bumping his arm as they cross paths in the aisles.

He doesn’t think much about it -- doesn’t really notice -- until he’s helping Chris with his cereal the next morning and Chris points out that there’s a big purple mark on his arm.

Chris wants to know what the purple marks mean, because he’s only ever noticed red ones, and Eddie doesn’t really know how to explain that it means Eddie touched the person he’s going to fall in love with and be in love with for the rest of his life, because he...has no idea who it was.

And so, mostly, Eddie tries not to think about it. He goes about his business, eventually his parents try to take Chris and they run for LA. He gets a job at the fire department and gets assigned a station.

There’s another guy on his shift who’s got a bruise-like purple soulmark on his bicep and -- according to Chimney -- a tragic lovestory to go with it. Chimney doesn’t know the tragedy, but offers some gossipy suggestions.

Buck doesn’t really like Eddie at first, but his posturing reminds Eddie just a little of a golden retriever trying to be fierce when you know the only thing going on in a golden’s head is fluff and love.

They pull a grenade out of a guy’s leg, and Buck likes him after that.

Hell, they survive an earthquake together with absolute aplomb, and Buck spends the whole time reassuring Eddie that Chris is gonna be fine. Buck doesn’t even know Chris, but it makes Eddie feel better.

It happens on their fourth shift.

They go to this dumbass call where a woman’s gotten her head stuck in a tailpipe at a cowboy bar -- Eddie wants to be haughty about the bar’s trappings in born-and-raised Texan, but, well, he’s been to pretty much this exact bar back home -- and both Buck and Eddie get hit on by the assembled onlookers. Usually, Eddie’s noticed, the soulmark on his arm deflects random flirting way better than his wedding ring ever had, but these women are drunk and he’s a firefighter so it could very easily be a bruise.

As they walk back towards the engine, Buck starts teasing Eddie about his apparent disinterest in the women. Eddie starts to fire back about Buck living in his invisible girlfriend’s house, but their arms brush together.

And they sparkle like fucking poprocks.

There are Other mashups you can read!

[milenadaniels]

Actually, Truly, 14k - Buck/Eddie, Helena POV, post-s4 (AO3)

Isabel calls to tell them Eddie's been shot on a Thursday afternoon and by lunch on Friday Helena and Ramon are landing at LAX. When they land, they learn Eddie's already home recovering and has been for two weeks.

----

Or, Helena (and Ramon) tries to find a way back into Eddie's life and doesn't know what to make of finding Buck around every corner she turns.

Isabel calls on a Thursday afternoon and by lunch on Friday Helena and Ramon are landing at LAX. Their son’s been shot, again, in the line of duty. But this time, instead of being thousands of miles away and out of reach, he’s just a short plane ride away.

Isabel insists they come to her house before going to the hospital but she doesn’t blame COVID protocols for keeping them away from the hospital, so they spend the car ride over imagining the worst.

A complication with surgery.

Permanent damage.

A coma.

The news they receive is that Eddie’s fine, and he’s been home and recuperating for two weeks already.

Helena retreats to the living room while Ramon and his mother fight in the kitchen. They’re yelling in Spanish and for once she wishes she’d never learned.

“Escúchame, Ramon,” Isabel tries to interrupt. Listen to me.

The yelling continues because Ramon doesn’t listen. It’s not his strong suit. Nor is it Helena’s.

Helena paces the length of the living room and holds her phone in her hands, thumb over Eddie’s name in FaceTime, not pressing down.

Eddie’s been home for two weeks.

Isabel hadn’t told them for two weeks.

But Eddie hadn’t either.

They hadn’t seen him in person in nearly two years, and he hadn’t called them since their last fight over a month ago.

Still, Eddie was shot in the streets by a sniper and he didn’t call them.

Mom, listen...

The last time they spoke, it was a phone call, not a video chat, maybe because at that point just the sight of each others’ faces was enough to set them all off. In that phone call, Eddie spoke of a friend whose family was somehow worse off than their own, but who, miraculously, were finally making the effort to fix the broken ties between them in therapy.

“Mom, listen… I spent a long time being angry with Shannon instead of trying to reach out to her and now Christopher is never going to have her in his life again. I don’t want that with you,” Eddie said, his voice brusque but calm, measured. “I don’t want to grin and bear it when you call or when we visit. I want to be glad to pick up the phone, I want to be excited to see you all at Christmas, I want you to be part of our lives. But I can’t do that without you meeting me halfway.” He was resolute, but he was pleading too. “I don’t want to spend the next ten years of our lives like this.”

But the idea of therapy was anathema to the Diaz family and it took only Ramon’s dismissive scoff to reinforce her own distaste of the idea. They called Eddie back to say they had no intention of paying a stranger to tell them everything was their fault and he was blameless.

They didn’t get another call after that.

“— my son!” Ramon yells at Isabel in the kitchen.

“Because, mijo, when you come here, you don’t see your son! You don’t see him living here, growing, Christopher thriving! You don’t see how when you come up here you bring sadness and misery when you should bring joy and comfort.” The words are too close to what Eddie said for them not to have spoken about it together. “By the time I knew he was hurt, he was already out of surgery and doing well. If he wasn’t, I would have called immediately.”

“Oh bueno, so you’ll tell me my son is dying but not that he’s okay?”

“Ramon! Escúchame.” It’s not often that Helena gets to bear witness to the steel in Isabel’s voice, the one she passed down to both her kids. It’s in fine form today. “He was doing well, and had all the help he needed. As soon as things stabilized, I called you. Keep acting like a fool and see if I call you at all next time.”

“If you call? Are you —”

Mom, listen…

“Ramon!” Helena snaps, surprising them all.

“Ramon,” she repeats, more calmly this time. “Listen to her.”

The shock on Isabel’s face almost makes her smile, but her heart is too heavy to commit to it.

“Helena, two weeks she —”

“Our son was shot, and he didn’t tell us.” Helena says, her voice trembling. “Our son was shot, he could have died, and the last thing we would have told him is we weren’t willing to fight for him and Christopher. Weren’t willing to — what? — put our egos aside? Our pride? For one fucking minute to listen to him. To listen to what he needed.”

Ramon’s eyes widen and he hangs his head with a sigh.

Helena faces Isabel, her phone tucked in her palm against her stomach.

“What can we do? We’re listening.”

——————-

Ramon walks it off and Helena helps Isabel in the kitchen in exchange for a promise they’ll go over to Eddie’s for supper. She’s been making care packages for Eddie and Christopher since the shooting, and she’s working on a pasta sauce while Helena starts on her famous banana brown sugar bread — Eddie’s favourite.

“How is he, really?” she asks once her dish is tucked into the oven.

“As well as can be expected,” Isabel replies, throwing spices into the pot with an ease Helena never grew into. “He was tired for the first few days, but now it’s like a broken arm. Uncomfortable but not so painful.”

“How long is it supposed to take to heal?”

Isabel casts a suspicious eye her way as if she can anticipate the date of Helena’s return flight adjusting already, but answers, “they say 6 to 8 weeks. It’s for the bone to heal, mostly, in his back. The rest should be sooner.”

Helena broke her wrist years ago, when the kids were nearly teenagers, and it was three months of hell trying to manage a household one handed while Ramon spent most of that time travelling across Texas.

Who’s helping him? Is Carla back in the picture? Is she working overtime? How can he afford that on sick leave? Is Pepa or one of the cousins going over? Is his girlfriend there? Who’s helping with Christopher? How is he managing?

The questions — all genuine and well-meaning, all a shade too accusatory — are on her tongue, pressed to the back of her teeth to keep from escaping. She’s entitled to answers, even if she doesn’t like them. She knows she has the right to at least know how her son is caring for himself and her grandson while he’s injured. If he’d told them when it happened Helena could have been here in a heartbeat to help, but no, Eddie’s just as stubborn as they are, just as prideful. He’d rather suffer alone than accept their help. Fine. But she’s still his mother, and Christopher’s grandmother. She raised them both. She has a right to—

Mom, listen…

Helena takes a deep breath in, anchors herself in the mixed scents of the rich sauce and the sweet bread cooking, and breathes out. Isabel sends her another look but says nothing.

————-

Helena cries when she sees Eddie, and cries a bit harder when she sees the apprehension in his eyes. Her baby boy looks a bit pale, but he’s standing on his own two feet and answering the door himself.

“Oh, sweetheart,” she murmurs, wrapping him gently into her arms, mindful not to press into the sling or his back.

“Hi, mom,” he says quietly, like he’s trying to gentle the stiffness in his voice.

She releases him, but not before pressing three kisses into his temple, always three. One for each of her kids.

Ramon steps into the space she leaves when she continues into the house and from the corner of her eye, she sees him cup the back of Eddie’s head and take a good look at him. For Ramon, it’s the equivalent of collapsing to the floor in tears.

Helena quickly toes off her boots and makes room at the entrance for the others behind her, which also puts her first in line to catch a sight that nearly knocks her down.

“Who is this young man I see?” she cries, throwing her hands wide to gesture at her grandson. “Last I saw you, you were just a little tyke. Now look at you, you must have grown three feet!”

Christopher giggles and Helena smiles in return as she folds him into her arms, but it’s forced. She’s not lying — he’s grown so much more than she expected. She hasn’t seen him in person since Eddie’s graduation and while video chats are priceless, they didn’t capture this growth spurt.

She can’t believe she let this happen. That she went from spending most of everyday with this little boy and now she’s missed out on two years of his life. Can’t believe Eddie kept him fro—

Mom, listen...

Supper goes well enough. Eddie never truly shakes loose the tension in his shoulders; he trades many looks with Isabel, seemingly spooked by his parents’ behaviour. He talks a lot more than he usually does, probably out of nervousness. But overall, they let Christopher take the reigns; they’re all more comfortable with that. It’s been too long since they’ve last spoken and Christopher is full of stories about his school and his friends.

“Buck says we can go to the Griffin soon. It was closed because of COVID. But before, I went with my class and they made a comet right in front of us!”

Buck. It’s the third time his name has been dropped at the table since they sat down.

She first met him, briefly, at Eddie’s graduation, but didn’t really register him as someone in her son’s life until Eddie and his crew stopped off in El Paso for dinner on their way home from fighting Texas wildfires. Buck had been cropping up in Christopher’s and Eddie’s stories for months by then and she was curious to properly meet him in person. He had seemed...young, she remembers.

“The Griffith Observatory,” Eddie corrects fondly. With Christopher, at least, it’s impossible for him not to soften.

Eddie’s only eaten half the pasta on his plate but Isabel seems satisfied. Helena bites down on the impulse to encourage him to eat more. To remind him he needs his strength to heal quickly for his little boy. She does lift the basket of garlic bread in his direction, because she can’t help herself. He eyes the basket warily as though he expects her to do more, but when she doesn’t, he shakes his head with a small smile of thanks.

“Yeah,” Christopher agrees, “it was cool but we didn’t get to stay long enough to see everything. And if we go later, Buck says we can see real meteors in the sky.”

Fourth mention.

“Christopher is on an astronomy kick,” Eddie adds redundantly.

“Wait, I gotta show you —” Christopher is sliding out of his seat before anyone can stop him and racing down the hall to his bedroom.

“Oh, honey —” Helena grips the arms of her chair out of reflex to jump up and help him — he doesn’t have his crutches, he’s only using the wall for support and he’s wearing socks — but Eddie looks over when her chair creaks.

He can’t really expect her to just sit here while Christopher—

Mom, listen…

They can hear Christopher make it to his bedroom without injury, so Helena slowly settles back in her chair and Ramon clears his throat. “He seems...okay. More okay than I would have expected.”

Eddie keeps his eyes on his father for a beat too long, assessing the comment for any hidden messages.

“He’s a resilient kid. Buck stayed here with him while I was in the hospital, so his routine wouldn’t get messed up. I think that helped a lot.”

Fifth ment— wait.

“Buck stayed with him?” The words — the tone — are out of her mouth before Helena can stop them.

On the shortlist of people she expected to hear stayed with her grandson to watch him and care for him, alone, while his father was in the hospital — Isabel, Pepa, Carla, or even Ana — Buck’s isn’t a name she expected to hear. A coworker — an unrelated man with no children of his own, over Christopher’s family? Over Christopher’s own aide? Over a schoolteacher?

Eddie’s jaw squares up and he sits up in his chair. Like light gray rain clouds suddenly turning dark, weighty with an incoming storm, a heavy tension builds in the air between them.

“Look!” Christopher exclaims as he rounds the corner, nearly throwing a thin, blue hardcover book on the table. Eddie catches it before it can slam into Christopher’s leftover pasta and sets it down on the table for him. “It shows all the things we can see in the sky over the whole year!”

Christopher climbs back into his chair and opens the book up to a random page, describing everything he seems to have nearly memorized already. By the time he reaches the upcoming meteor shower, the tension at the table has dissipated enough for Helena to excuse herself to the bathroom and not have it come off like a passive aggressive storm-off.

She washes her hands with soap pumped out of a fish-shaped dispenser that wasn’t here the last time she visited and trains her eyes on the basket of gauze, scissors and tape tucked away on the shelf above the toilet. That wasn’t there last time either.

Her baby boy was shot by a sniper. In LA.

A bullet tore through the body she created and almost took her son from her forever.

Mom, listen...

But only after she’d almost pushed him so far away he might never come back.

The tears well up again and she sniffs through them, blinking up at the ceiling until she’s back under control.

As she pivots to turn the light off, she spies a purple toothbrush resting on the ledge just above the sink. The other two toothbrushes are electric — one adult-, one child-sized — and stand on the counter.

���————-

Helena and Ramon meet the infamous Ana by accident.

When they leave Eddie’s house on Friday, Helena sends a text message to say what she couldn’t manage to say to his face — that they’re here for him, in whatever capacity he needs, that they’ll take their cues from him, even if that means giving him some space.

To that, she receives a, Thank you.

When she asks for the contact information of the therapist he had scoped out for them, she gets a phone call.

“Not to look a gift horse in the mouth,” her son says, “but are you just doing this because I got shot?”

“Honestly? Yeah,” she laughs mirthlessly. “I’m sorry to say it took our baby boy nearly dying to get our heads out of our ass.”

Eddie huffs a laugh on his end. “Well, I’ll take that silver lining.”

After that, Eddie invites them to a restaurant for brunch on Sunday, but when they reach his doorstep, they find it already occupied by a woman who’s just rung the doorbell, holding a casserole dish in her hands.

When the door opens, Eddie takes in the three of them, his eyes wide and apprehensive.

“Ana, I wasn’t expecting you,” he says, his eyes darting over her shoulder to his parents. He’s smiling, though there’s a clear strain in the corners of his eyes and mouth. They’ve been critical about Shannon for so long — and with good reason, nothing will change Helena’s mind on that — no doubt he’s expecting them to hate this new woman on sight.

“You’re Ana!” Helena exclaims with a wide smile, imbuing her voice with as much welcome as she’s capable. “Hi! It’s so good to finally meet you!”

When Eddie releases the breath he was holding, she knows she was on the mark. Ramon follows her lead and invites Ana to brunch with them on the spot and won’t hear her protests about intruding.

Eddie, of course, doesn’t protest at all but invites them in so Ana can store the casserole in the fridge — it takes both Ana and Helena’s organizational skills to find a spot for it among Isabel’s and Eddie’s tupperwares already invading all available space — and he can finish getting ready. He was already dressed in a nice polo and jeans but when he comes back from his bedroom it’s in a smart button-down he must have struggled with out of sheer stubbornness. Both his parents and his girlfriend are in the house and still he didn’t ask for help.

Eddie and Christopher decide to hop into Ana’s car and Helena asks loudly for directions to keep Ramon from insisting they should all ride together.

“So how long have you kids been seeing each other now?” Ramon asks when they’ve been seated at the restaurant.

“Nearly 7 months now, I think, isn’t it?” Ana replies, looking at Eddie with a dazzling smile — she truly is gorgeous. Eddie was still talking to them when he started dating her so they know she’s a schoolteacher turned vice principal but to meet her in person blows all their other expectations out of the water. She’s lively and sweet, patient and understanding, Latina — a big plus in Ramon’s books ironically. Eddie picked well this time.

Eddie hesitates a moment and nods. “Yeah, that sounds right.”

Every now and again, he squirms in his chair, like he can’t quite settle in and Helena wonders when his last painkiller was taken. But when he catches her face, she smoothes her worry out into a cheeky smile that says I like this one. He smiles back and there’s nothing she can pinpoint exactly but something about it makes her uneasy.

Eddie’s too quiet as they wait for their food, his face pinched, and just when Helena’s about to break, Ana does her the favour of asking gently, “Are you feeling okay? Do you need to take anything for your arm?”

But Eddie shrugs off her concern. “No, thank you. Next one isn’t until noon.” He taps his phone twice and she smiles.

“Sorry, I forgot. He’s got them all on timers with a special ringtone. He’s so organized,” she tells Helena and Ramon with a sunny smile, rubbing her hand down his good arm. “I have one multivitamin and I forget to take it half the time.”

“Buck set it up,” Eddie defers, and Helena schools her face not to react; even at brunch Buck is with them in spirit.

Ramon either takes no issue with the mention or doesn’t register it. He takes the opportunity to share how his new pharmacy pre-packages his heart and arthritis medications into AM and PM slots and Ana listens attentively. Eddie’s fingertip taps absently against the phone case until their food arrives.

Christopher ordered a waffle, and with Eddie indisposed, Helena is already moving to help him when Ana beats her to the punch again. Helena tucks a smile away as Ana leans over and starts cutting the waffle up into smaller pieces.

“He can do that,” Eddie says when he notices Christopher sitting back in his chair, realizing only when Ana startles that his tone is sharp. His voice is softer when he follows up with, “Right, buddy?”

“Yeah,” Chris agrees, picking up his own cutlery with enthusiasm despite his hands being nearly too small for them.

Eddie throws an apologetic grin Ana’s way and brunch continues peacefully, though the stiff line of Eddie’s shoulder never does quite soften.

Mom, listen…

————-

Their first therapy session takes place in Isabel’s kitchen at Eddie’s request. Isabel thinks it’s so he has the option of leaving when he needs to (in other words, when he gets fed up and runs) but Helena hasn’t missed how Eddie has been careful to keep them away from his home since the first day they saw him.

They’ve seen Eddie and Chris numerous times in the week and change they’ve been in LA — more than they’ve seen them since they left El Paso — but always outside of the house. Sometimes they pick Chris up from school, sometimes Eddie and Chris come to Isabel’s for supper, sometimes they go out to restaurants or other outings, but they haven’t been invited back to his home again. She wanted to believe it was because he was hiding the news that Ana had moved in but that’s been shot out of the water both by her ringing the doorbell and an errant comment at the end of brunch about how she hadn’t seen him since the welcome home party.

So it’s out of pettiness, then. Stubbornness. Out of pig-headed inability to accept that he needs help and willingness to believe that they’re making an effort to meet him on his own terms.

She tries not to let it rankle her, tries to find some of that resolute commitment to letting things be and not push. But the next thing she knows, she’s yelling about it to a stranger at Isabel’s island counter.

To be fair, the session with Dr. Jamieson wasn’t going great to begin with. It’s awkward as hell, the three of them balancing on stools, squished in next to each other to try to fit into the screen, but also trying to keep the laptop close enough to still hear her and not have to shout. It’s happening while Chris is at school so they don’t have to worry about keeping him distracted but they can’t exactly ask Isabel to go wait in the LA sun for an hour so she doesn’t overhear, so it’s basically a given that she’s the fourth person on this virtual couch from the next room over.

And beyond that, Helena has kept her mouth shut for over a week which is frankly more time than anyone would have bet on, including herself, and given the opportunity to express herself freely...well…

“You want space? We’ve given you nothing but space since we got here. How much more can we give you, Eddie? You’re hundreds of miles away from us already. Forgive us for feeling the need to check in on our only son who almost died last week,” she yells, her hand nearly colliding with her coffee mug as she gestures.

“Last week?” Ramon echoes with a bark of dark laughter.

“Oh, no, that’s right,” Helena picks up. “I’m sorry! Not a week ago! Nearly a month ago! Because apparently we don’t warrant even a text when our only son almost dies, but that’s not enough space?”

Eddie rakes his fingers aggressively through his hair, his lips pursed.

“We have to move to Mexico,” Ramon continues blithely. “Is that enough space? No, better yet! Sweden! Your family still lives out there, no? We can live on their farm. Completely different timezone, we won’t even be reachable.”

“Yeah,” Eddie bites back, a sour grin blooming on his face, “that’s what I want. I ask you to give me some breathing room — to respect me, my life — and you translate that into living in a fucking commune in Sweden. And you wonder why we’re in therapy. I can’t talk to you, you don’t listen!”

Mom, lis—

“Listen to what, Eddie?” Helena yells, getting out of her seat to pace. “Listen to the months of silence you’ve sent our way? Because we either get on board and blindly cheer on every mess you get yourself into or we don’t get to know you anymore? Don’t get to know our grandson?”

“I never kept him from you — you have our number, the phone didn’t ring. That’s not on me.”

“Because you would have picked up?” Ramon exclaims, pushing away from the island to better look back at their son. “Easy to claim when it’s after the fact in front of the doctor.”

“So now I’m a liar! You raised a liar?”

“I think we’ve gotten off-track,” Dr. Jamieson’s tinny voice interjects from the laptop.

In the bottom right hand corner of the screen, only Eddie remains in the frame.

————

Firehouse 118 was a lively crowd at Eddie’s graduation but it’s nothing compared to the party thrown at the Grant-Nash house in honour of a new probationary firefighter.

Dr. Jamieson pointed out the self-fulfilling prophecy that Eddie protecting himself from criticism and pressure by withholding details about his life in LA was leading to his parents’ growing insecurity over not knowing anything about their son and feeling the need to intervene more and more.

The solution? Let them in on his life and trust that they could hold themselves in check.

For that, even Ramon was in agreement that maybe therapy wasn’t a load of shit after all.

So here they find themselves welcomed into this beautiful and loud home nearly three weeks into their stay in LA. They were allowed to pick Eddie and Chris up so they arrive together but Christopher peels off immediately to find kids his own age.

It’s impossible not to feel the warmth of family radiating from every inch of the home so when Eddie’s shoulders seem to loosen a little as they walk in, Helena can’t find it in herself to begrudge him.

“Well aren’t you a sight for sore eyes,” a woman around Helena’s age drawls, crowding into Eddie’s space for a delicate hug he doesn’t hesitate to return. “Though I could have done without seeing another one of these for a few hundred more years,” she says, gesturing to the sling. “How much longer?”

“Another month if everything checks out,” Eddie says, releasing a sigh.

“It better,” she warns with a twinkle in her eye that says if she learns he’s been aggravating his injury there will be hell to pay.

The woman, they find out, is Athena Grant-Nash, wife of the 118’s captain and consummate host. While Eddie splits off “for a minute”, she leads them to the main area for drinks and introductions before leaving them to mingle. Captain Nash — Bobby — meets them with appetizers and introduces them to the Lees, the de-facto parental figures of the young man who just joined the team.

From the spot she claims at the edge of the dining room, Helena keeps an eye trained on Eddie outside. She feels an itch under her skin knowing it’s been nearly twenty minutes and Eddie hasn’t checked on Christopher, but she knows she shouldn’t go herself. Eddie can do everything on his own, right? He can look after his own kid at a party.

She can, however, go to the washroom and take a peek at what Christopher’s up to while she’s wandering, and that’s exactly what she intends to do.

But for now, she watches as Eddie criss-crosses through the crowds of the patio, prompting a localized burst of cheers at each stop as he reunites himself with teammates he hasn’t seen since the shooting. She recognizes the woman who was on the trip to Texas but the rest conjure only the vaguest memories of Eddie’s graduation and the occasional picture on Instagram — before he stopped posting that is. Just one more way they’ve been iced out.

But he seems happy, almost carefree in a way she realizes she hasn’t seen with her own eyes in...longer than this trip, actually.

Probably years, if she’s honest.

And it occurs to her, slowly, creepingly, that her son is outside, smiling freely and easily, surrounded by people he’s made his new family, while Helena stands inside watching his life through a glass window in a stranger’s house.

Mom, listen…

She swallows past the lump in her throat and sighs. Ramon’s arm comes around her waist and without looking at him, she knows he’s had a similar revelation.

Their next therapy session is in a few days, and they’re not going to fuck it up again.

There’s a late arrival to the party, one of the only people in Eddie’s life she can recognize — Buck. He’s as tall as she remembered but he looks a shade less young now maybe. He greets everyone with a hug or kiss on the cheek as he moves through the party, and bestows a cheer and an enthusiastic hug on Albert, the guest of honour.

When he moves on to the patio and approaches Eddie’s circle, however, the cheerful, long-awaited reunion of best friends she expects doesn’t happen. They catch each other’s eyes for a few beats and share a welcoming smile, then the conversation resumes as if nothing of consequence has happened. Buck doesn’t even linger long, heading back into the house after a few minutes.

When the cake starts being doled out, Eddie returns to meet them at the table and accepts the plate Helena offers him. Helena is scouting the yard for a chair he can sit on to eat when Buck reappears.

“He couldn’t be pulled away?” Eddie asks in surprise.

“Nope,” Buck replies with a grin before turning to them. “Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Diaz. Good to see you again!” Before they can return more than a smile, Buck continues, “he’s cheating at Unicorn Temple with Harry. Not even cake can pull him away.”

Eddie rolls his eyes and smiles. “My son is not a cheater.” To them, he says, “Buck thinks that whenever he’s losing at a video game, it’s because his opponent is cheating.”

“Not always! Just when they are,” he replies with exaggerated emphasis before scooping a piece of cake onto a plate. “I’m gonna go hide this in the fridge for him for later before it’s all gone.”

Eddie ducks his head and smiles down at his plate, and the questions are building up behind Helena’s teeth again.

Christopher’s been playing video games all this time? Is it an age-appropriate game? Why is Buck checking on your son? Why is Buck saving him cake when nobody asked him to? Why—

But Eddie looks up with an uncertain expression and says, “there’s a table out there if you guys want to join me.”

So Helena stows her questions and says, “that’d be great.”

They eat the overly-sweet cake in peaceful silence until Ramon casts an eye around and says, “you must be glad about the new firefighter. You won’t be the baby on the team anymore.”

Eddie snorts. “I’m 33 and my kid is nearly a teenager — and that’s totally not freaking me out at all,” he adds wryly. “Besides, I was never the baby of the team. Buck is younger than me and forever a kid at heart so I was never in any danger of it.”

“Oh god, don’t remind me that Christopher’s growing up,” Helena only half-jokes. “I can still barely believe he’s old enough to hold his own head up.”

Eddie huffs a laugh and Helena banks it as a win.

“Do any of your coworkers have teenagers?” Ramon asks. “Might have some words of wisdom to share.” Since you won’t ask us, is unspoken and politely ignored by all.

“Athena’s daughter May is just leaving the teen years now, but after her, Christopher’s the oldest. Harry, Athena’s son is 9 and Denny, Hen and Karen’s son just turned 8. It’s great for play dates but not for getting advice on what’s coming up unfortunately.”

“Karen,” Ramon echoes.

Eddie’s fork pauses on its way to scoop some excess icing off his cake and his back straightens.

“Hen’s wife,” he says curtly, daring.

Helena wants to roll her eyes at the posturing. It’s 2021, who cares who anybody loves. She knows Ramon doesn’t, not really, not anymore. It’s a 50-year-long reflex to make a comment, one they’ve been working, if only to have some semblance of a civil conversation with Sophia while she works through a degree in women and gender studies.

But she knows that excuse isn’t going to fly with Eddie.

It hasn’t flown since Eddie was 20 years old and realizing he’d lost a good friend to his father’s caustic words. And Helena can’t ever go back and examine the hurt in Eddie’s expression with fresh eyes. Shemanages to forget about it most of the time until something happens to dig it out of the cold, hard ground and shove it in her arms.

Mom, listen...

But she’s come to LA because she wants to be in her son’s life, in her grandson’s life and she can’t be a coward now.

“They’re a gorgeous couple,” she says, almost too loudly in her enthusiasm. “Are they thinking of having more kids?”

Eddie turns his assessing eyes to her and is mollified by her effort. “Yeah, they’re foster parents now. They’ve fostered three kids so far.”

“That’s great,” she says sincerely. Then, accidentally on purpose and only in part to bring Ramon back to a safe topic, she asks, “Does Ana want a large family?”

Eddie sees through her attempt, but nods. “Yeah, she loves kids.”

Helena doesn’t miss Ramon’s approving nod, or the dark look that passes over Eddie’s eyes when he catches it.

“Was Ana not able to come tonight?” Ramon asks.

“I didn’t ask her,” he answers, his voice a shade too casual. “This is more of a team thing.” As if they hadn’t just been discussing the other families all around them.

“That Ana—” Ramon begins but is interrupted by the arrival of Christopher with a hint of blue icing on his nose and Buck following behind him with two paper plates filled with cake.

Christopher sits backwards on the picnic table bench and uses his arms to lift his legs over while Eddie watches but doesn’t offer to help, and when Christopher is set, Buck places one of the plates in front of him with a plastic fork stuck in the top like a flag.

“Buck was finally able to pull you away, mijo?” Eddie asks as Christopher digs in.

“No, May took her room back so we can’t play on her tv anymore. Harry’s gonna ask his mom if we can play in her room.”

“Yeah...” Buck draws out, sharing a dubious expression with Eddie over Christopher’s head, “I wouldn’t hold out for that, bud.”

“Maybe you can teach the others how to play Scrabble!” Eddie suggests.

Christopher’s nose wrinkles, “Scrabble is boring.”

“Hey!” Buck protests and takes a forkful of Christopher’s cake in retaliation, which prompts Christopher to yell and attack Buck’s cake back, taking much more than a forkful.

The commotion draws attention to their table and Helena’s gearing up to tell Christopher to settle down when she catches Eddie’s eyes on her, waiting.

Helena looks back out to the backyard to say, People are staring.

Eddie looks back impassively as if to say, Let them.

Mom, listen...

Helena swallows her impatience, her anxiety, her embarrassment.

“Hey,” Buck calls, his mouth half full of icing, “did you take your 6?”

Eddie hesitates and that’s enough for Buck to swallow and look put out, already turning and lifting a leg out of the confines of the picnic table.

“Did you turn off your alarm again?”

“I didn’t turn it off the first time, I don’t know what happened.”

“What happened is it woke you up at 6am and you turned it off because sleepy Eddie makes bad life choices.”

Eddie rolls his eyes. “You don’t have —”

“Right pocket?” Buck interjects, already walking away.

“Yeah,” Eddie sighs.

Christopher looks at him and shakes his head with exaggerated disappointment.

“Don’t you start,” Eddie warns, scooping a fingertip of icing and dabbing it on his son’s nose too quickly for him to duck.

Christopher shrieks and reaches for his cake fingers-first.

“Oh no, no,” Eddie laughs, catching Christopher’s fingers with one hand. “Truce, truce.”

Christopher doesn’t look interested in a truce and Eddie’s other arm is in a sling, so Ramon quickly pulls the cake out of Christopher’s reach, and then Buck’s abandoned piece and Helena does the same with Eddie’s.

“Not fair!” Christopher cries, still reaching.

“Your dad’s hurt, mijo, you can’t attack him with icing while he’s healing,” Ramon says reasonably. “Wait till he’s all better.”

“He’s fine!” Christopher declares with the confidence of a trauma surgeon as he tries to climb up on the bench.

Eddie’s not in a position to pull him back down and Helena doesn’t know how far they can take their non-interference but she’s not about to let her grandson hop over a table to fall into three plates of cake. She’s half-decided she’s going to pick up the cake and walk it back inside when Buck returns, depositing a glass of water on the table and a small white pill into Eddie’s palm before swooping in and tickling Christopher’s sides.

He shrieks loudly, gaining looks from all around the backyard, but it gets his butt back down on the bench and Buck sits back down next to him, boxing him in between himself and Eddie.

“What happened to our cake? How’d it get all the way over there?” The plates are very easily within Buck’s reach; it’s a question for Christopher’s benefit.

“Dad got me like you did!” Christopher cries indignantly, pointing to his nose. “I’m getting him back!”

“Oh man,” Buck nods seriously before his finger darts forward, swipes the icing from his nose and brings it to his mouth. “Mmm, this is better than the one I got you with. You sure you don’t just wanna eat it?”

Christopher looks unconvinced.

“How about this?” Buck ducks down to whisper loudly. “You call a truce with your dad, and then I’ll steal all his icing and we’ll eat it.”

The icing on Eddie’s cake is mostly piled in a corner of his paper plate. He’s never been able to stomach the pure sugary sweetness of store bought icing.

“Okay,” Christopher nods back, reaching out again for his plate but without making grabby hands.

Ramon assesses him for a moment before taking the chance to push the plates back within reach.

“Hey, Eddie,” Buck calls deliberately. “You should take your medication now.”

“Thanks, Buck,” Eddie replies with a smile that conveys an eyeroll. “I’ll do that now.”

While Eddie pops the pill and takes a very long drink of water, Buck “sneakily” pulls his plate towards them and scoops all the piled icing onto his own plate before pushing the cake back to Eddie’s side of the table.

Christopher laughs and pushes Eddie’s plate an extra few inches away out of spite.

Eddie plays the disappointed victim passably well with a half-hearted gasp and a shake of his head. “You little thieves.”

As promised, Buck doles out some of Eddie’s icing to Christopher who immediately protests at the amount left on Buck’s plate.

“Hey, when you’re a big guy like me, you get more icing. Keep eating your proteins and you’ll get there in no time.”

Christopher accepts that easily enough. “I’m gonna be tall like dad.”

Buck scoffs, “Aim higher, kid. Literally.”

“I am barely two inches shorter than you,” Eddie laments, not for the first time, it sounds like.

“It’s practically three. Are you really going to lie in front of your parents?”

Wouldn’t be the first time, is on Helena’s tongue because it’s been hours since she could speak her mind, but she holds it in.

“How was the trip from Texas?” Buck asks them suddenly, bringing them back into the fold of a scene they'd never left but somehow stopped being a part of. “Flights have new restrictions on them now, don’t they?”

Mom, listen...

When the party is winding down and they walk outside to the driveway, Eddie surprises them by offering them both a hug.

“Thank you for coming,” he says sincerely, though Helena hears the underlying “and behaving” and can’t help but bristle.

“Thank you for inviting us, mijo,” Ramon says; his turn to save Helena from herself.

And when Eddie lets them know he and Chris will be getting their ride back from Buck, Ramon takes Helena’s hand and they smile almost sincerely as they say their goodnights.

—————-

The next week happens to be Isabel’s 80th birthday and Helena and Ramon keep themselves busy by helping to throw a party that will reunite every vaccinated member of the family in the area (they’re not about to take a chance on Isabel’s health).

Things have been getting better with Eddie. They had a second therapy session, again at Isabel’s island counter, where they lasted a good 25 minutes before devolving into yelling. The next day, Eddie asked Ramon for a ride to physical therapy, and easily accepted his father’s offer of lunch after the appointment.

Then, when Helena asked if she could pick up some groceries for him and Christopher, she was refused — in no small part, she thinks, because he still won’t let them in his house — but instead of going off on him, she channeled that anger and resentment into nearly buying out Costco for Isabel’s party. It felt like progress Dr. Jamieson would be proud of.

That’s why, despite the party officially kicking off around 11am, they’re just past supper time and all tables and counters are still nearly buckling under the weight of the food. They’ll have to send everyone home with leftovers if the flow of people stops. Isabel’s front door has been a turnstile since this morning and Helena knows from experience it’ll likely stay that way until the late hours of the night. Most recently, Helena’s daughters made their appearance, and it’s not at all the reason Helena is back in the kitchen.

Despite coming from opposite ends with different travel distances, Adriana and Sophia arrived within a half hour of each other, a move Helena saw through instantly. The idea that her children coordinated to arrive together instead of risking the possibility of facing their parents alone sets a fire raging in her heart, and she realizes suddenly that she isn’t prepared to be hypervigilant of her every word with all three of her kids here now to push her buttons.

So, she retreats to the kitchen.

She doesn’t expect one of them to follow her in.

“I heard you guys were doing therapy,” Adriana volleys as she approaches.

Helena cracks open the tray of chocolate chip cookies and starts plating them, her face angled down so any kneejerk expression of distaste isn’t as visible. “Apparently, that’s what the cool kids do nowadays.”

“It is,” Adriana agrees, the bangles on her wrists clinking on the countertop as she reaches for the box of oatmeal cookies to plate. She’s a year into her Master’s in communication. What she intends to do with that is a mystery to them. So much of their kids’ lives are a mystery now. Helena closes the lid of the cookie tray hard and relishes in the snap of the plastic groove into the tongue.

“Paying a stranger to tell us when and how to talk to each other is cool,” she bites. It’s not posed as a question, just a bitter acknowledgement.

Adriana is quiet and Helena starts plating mini quiches onto the cookie platter just to stay occupied while her daughter walks away. Sophia is a yeller, she stands her ground and gives as good as she gets. Adriana, however, is a runner, just like Eddie.

But Adriana doesn’t leave in a huff. She turns to the counter and grabs a second platter, moving the mini quiches onto that one.

“It’s cool that you’re open to trying,” she says. “I think that, in any family where there’s love, there’s going to be hurt. And the longer we stay stuck in that hurt, the harder it becomes to talk about it without causing more. We get stuck in patterns that we can’t break out of, and people on the outside can be the best ones to point out those patterns and help you break out of them to get to what you actually, truly want to say.”

Helena knows what she actually, truly wants to say. That’s not the problem. The problem is that none of her kids want to hear it.

“I see a therapist,” Adriana continues. Helena stills and looks at her daughter, calmly arranging the mini quiches into concentric circles. “Since my last year of undergrad. When things got really hard and I couldn’t understand why. They helped me. A lot. Helped me figure out what was wrong and how to get myself through it.”

“You didn’t tell us,” Helena says, her voice thick.

“I know,” her daughter replies simply. “I didn’t know how. I’m telling you now because what I actually, truly want to say is that I’m proud of you and dad for doing this. And maybe if you don’t hate it...maybe we could try a session later too.”

There’s an offer in her daughter’s words, an open hand reaching out. But in that hand, Helena sees her failures as a parent, the judgement of the world for failing her kids, and she doesn’t want to reach her own hand out.

Mom, listen…

Helena looks at her eldest daughter, almost a stranger to her, with an entire life Helena is only starting to realize she has no part in. It hurts — it always hurts when the kids pull away but to realize she didn’t even know the extent of it...she wants to hurt back.

Mom, listen…

But she’s trying so hard to break those patterns Adriana speaks of. So instead, Helena thinks of the therapist’s advice leading them into a piece of Eddie’s life they wouldn’t have otherwise gotten to see and swallows past the indignation in her throat to reach down and find the words she actually, truly wants to say.

“You say when, and I’ll be there.”

———-

The sun is setting when Helena finally agrees to get off her feet and just enjoy the party outside while the cousins take over the serving and cleaning. There are four generations of Diazes gathered around but for the first time ever, most of the cousins are young adults, not teenagers, and it’s nice to be able to pass on the hosting responsibilities to them for a bit.

The sky is clear, the sunset resplendent from Isabel’s backyard, and the conversation is flowing easily. It’s a beautiful evening, warm with a gentle breeze cool enough to let her lean back against Ramon in his lounge chair, one of his arms wrapped loosely around her hip.

For the first time since getting Isabel’s text, Helena feels something like peace wash over her and she almost feels bad for the thrum of vindication in her stomach when she spots Eddie slumped comfortably in an armchair, his legs propped up on another chair.

He’s at home here.

Yes, he was at ease at his captain’s house but this is family, this is where he can really sink into the love and comfort and rest. With his aunts and uncles, cousins and sisters around to take care of him. And Christopher, who spent the afternoon running around and chomping down on all the sugar he could get his hands on, slumped against him, nearly asleep. This is family.

She knows he could find that peace back in El Paso, they both could. Eddie had friends there, and his parents, who knew his son better than he did for most of his life. And there are fires in El Paso same as there are in LA, but less smog, less general insanity.

But Eddie’s a lot like his parents, too much like them maybe, and once he’s decided on a course of action he can’t be swayed. So Helena has made peace with it. Rather, she’s made peace with pretending to be okay with it while she waits for him to come to the realization that he should move back.

And in the meantime, if they can mend this thorniness between them, then maybe she and Ramon can make more of these impromptu trips. Maybe even convince Eddie to come home for Christmas this year. At the very least, go back to regular video chats.

But all that ruminating feels far away right now. She’s moving gently with the rise and fall of Ramon’s chest, and she’s so close to slipping away to the feeling of contentment when a new arrival makes her open eyes she didn’t realize she’d closed.

“Feliz cumpleanos,” she hears someone say in half-decent Spanish from the front door on the other side of the side yard fence.

She doesn’t recognize the voice as yet another cousin or uncle, but Eddie shakes Christopher’s shoulder gently, and says, “hey, guess who’s here.”

It takes a moment, but the words penetrate Christopher’s sleepiness. His eyes pop open and he shimmies out of Eddie’s lap and into his crutches to power walk over to the gate just in time for it to open, admitting Isabel, holding a beautiful bouquet of flowers, and a sheepish looking Buck behind her.

“Buck!” Christopher yells.

Buck’s smile widens and he immediately opens his arms. “Hey, superman!”

Buck crouches down and Christopher throws his arms around his neck, crutches and all. When it’s time to break apart, Christopher’s still hanging on and Helena feels a stab of dark vindication at what’s about to happen, and the look Ramon sends her way tells her she’s not alone. Because Christopher is now officially in the double digits, and while he’s always been an independent kid, becoming 10 years old was a big deal for him and his perceived level of maturity, and apparently the year he decided no one was allowed to carry him anymore.

And now Christopher’s tired and in the grip of a powerful sugar crash. He’s not going to suffer any indignities, and Helena knows she should feel bad about not trying to stop Buck. About just watching this play out to see him be rejected. But she wasn’t expecting to see him here, in this safe haven of Isabel’s backyard, in this space for family and loved ones, and it rankles her. It feels like everywhere she turns in LA, she finds him there. And his being here is just another nail in the coffin of Eddie stubbornly refusing to let his parents back into his home. That he would call his friend to this party just to avoid letting them give him a ride…

So she’s a little bitter, a little resentful of the persistent, low-key rejection. Sue her. Eddie has made it clear he doesn’t want them interfering anyway so this is on him.

“Christopher,” Eddie calls, a warning to not make a scene.

Buck looks over Christopher’s shoulder and smiles. “He’s fine,” he says.

Then he’s heaving Christopher’s body up into his arms and onto his hip and Christopher…

...Christopher slumps down over Buck’s shoulder like a baby koala. No sound of protest leaves his lips. His face, if it shows any displeasure, is hidden behind Buck’s neck.

And when Eddie gets up, it’s not to intercede, it’s only to grab the errant crutches before they hit something, and to pull his own armless chair out for Buck to sit on because apparently Buck is staying, and apparently Christopher is staying with him.

“He’s a bit old to be carried around, no?” Ramon says with a bite, because he can’t help himself.

Eddie, who’s been watching his son fondly, barely bats an eye. “He gets cuddly when he’s tired, and Buck’s nearly the only one left who’s big enough to carry him.”

“Ah, that’s why you spend so much time developing these,” Pepa says with a sly smile as she pinches at Buck’s bicep. The same familiar pinch she gave her own grandkids’ cheeks.

“Gracias a Dios,” Isabel adds meaningfully.

“That was adrenaline,” Eddie dismisses with a teasing grin.

“That was 100 squats and 50 pushups a day,” Buck returns blithely. “...and maybe a little adrenaline.”

“What’s this?” Ramon asks before she can.

Instead of prompting more teasing, the mood falls slightly and everyone looks to each other.

Finally, Eddie sighs. “When I got shot, Buck army crawled under a ladder truck to get me out and lifted me into the truck to get to the hospital.”

It strikes Helena suddenly, shamefully, that in the shock of finding out they’d missed the event itself, the hospital stay, and two entire weeks of healing, that they’d never circled back around for details on what actually went down the day it happened.

She never thought to wonder how he got off that street. How he got to the hospital. Who might have saved his life.

And she wishes she were a better person then. Wishes that learning Buck saved her son’s life overpowered her irritation at having him sitting here in Isabel’s backyard like he belonged here when Helena herself barely felt like she did herself. It does help, though.

“They released the street footage of the shooting,” Pepa continues quietly. “It’s on YouTube. Before I even knew it happened, Marguerita from church just sent me a link saying ‘they said it’s a Diaz, do you know him?’ and I saw.”

The idea of her son’s shooting being passed around like a cat video makes Helena sick, but Pepa lamenting how she hadn’t known when she learned about it in a matter of hours and sat on it for weeks…

“I wouldn’t recommend it,” Pepa says decisively. “But they have an angle where you can see our Buck here go and get Eddie, pick him up like he doesn’t weigh a thing and get him into the truck to get to the hospital. Probably why he’s alive today. So gracias a Dios for those squats.”

Eddie and Buck are both looking away, both looking safely at Christopher while the table digests the news.

“If you were looking for a story of something really dumb, I can point you in the direction of another video of Buck,” Eddie says, his tone jovial but his eyes strained.

“You need to let that go,” Buck says in a definite whine.

“Do I?” Eddie asks. “Abuela did you see the video of the firefighter who went up the crane all alone?”

“Dios mío, Buck,” Pepa laments.

“Did you send it to me?” Abuela asks her, pulling out her phone and her glasses to check.

“No, mamá, it was an idiot firefighter but I didn’t realize it was the one we knew.”

“In the middle of an all-out declaration of war on firefighters,” Eddie begins, quietly for Christopher’s sake, but impassioned, sitting up in his chair, “this idiota and his squat count climbed up a crane ladder, completely exposed and defenseless—”

Buck looks pained. “I was wearing a bulletproof vest and a helmet. And that’s the job sometimes—”

“The paramedics’ job, actually, which you aren’t. So, no, that wasn’t the job.” Eddie’s tone edges into something darker without his meaning to. He takes a drink of his lemonade looking for all the world like he wished it was a beer. “And you know that or I wouldn’t have found out about it from Chim a month after the fact.”

Helena clenches her jaw tight and squeezes Ramon’s hand even tighter so neither of them can say, So you have a problem being left in the dark too?

“Buck,” Isabel sighs with disappointment.

Buck winces. “It was before— ” He cuts himself off, his wide eyes darting towards Helena and Ramon of all people.

“Hmm,” Isabel answers noncommittally, as if to end the conversation.

Just then, Sophia brings out a platter of bite-sized desserts, making the rounds of the whole circle for people to pick at before leaving it on the table. The opportunity to move on is there. That doesn’t mean they’re interested in taking it.

“Before what?” Ramon asks, his tone is forcibly casual.

The silence that greets Ramon’s question is heavy. Guilty. When Helena casts her eyes around, she’s greeted by stiff shoulders and a mix of apprehension shared between her son, her mother- and sister-in-law, and Buck.

Mom, listen...

“Before what?” Helena repeats, her voice uncompromising.

———-

The fight they have in Isabel’s guest bedroom is a Hall of Famer. It’s a screaming match, no doubt about it. The doors from the bedroom to the yard are all closed but there’s no question every member of the family — and Buck — can hear every word.

“Do you really hate us that much?” Helena demands. She’s crying but she doesn’t know if it’s heartbreak or fury, she just wishes it’d stop so she could lean into her anger. “Genuinely, honestly, Eddie.”

“I don’t hate you,” he protests, keeping his own voice down, making it seem like they’re irrational for their anger.

“Bullshit,” she spits.

“You must!” Ramon adds. “You hate us so much that you have to hate your sisters too? Your cousins? You would rather leave your only son to a stranger, some gringo coworker, than with family? That’s how much you hate us? Hate our name?”

“Our name?” Eddie shoots back incredulously. “What are you talking about, our name? We’re not royalty, papi, and Chris’ name would never change.”

“You would leave him to your coworker,” Helena stresses, disgust dripping from her tongue.

“To my best friend,” Eddie retorts, “who Christopher adores, if you haven’t noticed. And who adores Christopher right back.”

“That’s not normal, mijo,” Ramon warns.

“Jesus christ,” Eddie seethes. “Please do not star—”

“What kind of single adult man bonds with another man’s child like that?”

“You’re describing a tío, you understand that right? What, you think it’s weird that Pepa loves me like her own? You think Sophia should stay away from Chris too?”

“That’s family,” Helena argues.

“And they’re women!”

“Ramon, shut up,” Helena snaps.

“Buck is our family, and he’s a man, and he’s got the biggest heart of anyone I’ve ever met. If anything happened to me, Christopher would be taken care of like if I was still here.”

“Buck, the one who nearly got him killed in the tsunami? That’s the same guy right?” Ramon throws out, his eyes a little wild as he paces.

“The one who saved his life in that tsunami, despite being injured and then some. And the one who’s saved my life more times than I can count, including from being gunned down on the street. We’d both probably be dead if not f— ”

“Isn’t he the one who’s family is worse off than ours?” Helena recalls. “So he has no family, no support, no girlfriend even! So a worse position than you’re in now. That’s what you want to leave him with.”

“He doesn’t need a girlfriend to raise Christopher right, I don’t! And he has a great sister, he has the 118, he has Carla, and he has our family. You think Abuela and Pepa would shut the door on him? He’d be here every Sunday, with Christopher, just like I am.”

“And what does your girlfriend think of this?” Ramon presses. “The vice principal, she thinks this is normal?”

“Ana doesn’t have anything to do with this,” Eddie says, frowning.

Helena balks. “You think the woman you’ve been seeing seriously for nearly a year has nothing to do with long-term decisions about your son? You think maybe she wouldn’t want the option of taking Christopher in if something happened to you?”

“That’s not happening, he’s going to Buck and that’s final.”

“What’s going on with you and this gringo?” Ramon asks suspiciously. “Are you even going out with Ana or was that another lie?”

“Ramon, don’t go there,” Helena sighs, her heart clenching. That’s all they need in this clusterfuck, that layer of pain.

“No, let’s go there because you know what?” Eddie asks darkly. “There is no one on this planet I trust with my son more than Buck and yeah, if we need to lay it all out there, that includes the two of you. I know you love Christopher, just like I know Shannon loved him, but that’s not always going to be enough. Buck isn’t going to fill my son’s head with ideas about the wrong kind of way to love someone. He’s not going to tell him he’s not good enough for his family to love him or support him. Buck’s going to make sure Christopher grows up to follow his heart and find whatever makes him happiest in the world, no matter what that looks like.”

“How could you think—”

“What if he grows up to be gay?” Eddie asks pointedly, staring his father down. “You’re telling me you’re going to be the one to help him pick out a suit to go to prom with his boyfriend?”

Ramon purses his lips but tries, “it’s a different world now,” as if he hadn’t just tried to make crass insinuations just to hurt his son.

“Okay,” Eddie says, not believing him for a moment, “what if he’s trans? Tells you at 15 that he’s a girl and he wants to transition. You’re going to get him on hormone therapy?”

“Eddie that’s not—”

“What if he’s 20 and he tells you he got a girl pregnant by accident and he doesn’t know her enough to love her, and he’s not ready to be a father let alone a husband?”

Helena tries to speak but her throat is suddenly too tight for words to get out.

“You gonna tell him he’s not a man if he doesn’t marry her anyway?”

Ramon says nothing.

“Christopher is going to Buck, and that’s final.”

——————-

Helena and Ramon don’t show up for the third therapy session.

Their plane tickets were only for three weeks, originally, and as the days run out, they don’t talk about extensions.

———-

Helena is sitting out in Isabel’s backyard, trying to conjure up that feeling of serenity she got to bask in for all of two minutes the night of the birthday party.

It’s not working.

They’re going back to El Paso tomorrow, leaving their relationship with Eddie in worse straits than when they arrived.

There’s always been a tension between them and Eddie, but there’s also always been love and respect, and that love and respect formed a polite barrier around the things they couldn’t talk about. It kept their relationship safe. Kept them from getting too close to real honesty where things hurt in ways that couldn’t be walked back.

It feels now like that barrier has fallen. That Eddie’s finally reached the limit of what he could hold back and now there’s nothing to help them pretend everything is okay. Nothing to help Helena believe this is all something that could blow over.

That’s to say nothing of Christopher, who’s never felt as far away as he does now, even while they linger in the same city, only a couple dozen blocks away.

Helena scrolls listlessly through her phone’s camera roll for the last few weeks. There are pictures of Christopher mostly, but Eddie and the rest of the family are there too. It hurts to notice how Eddie is markedly happier in the shots where he’s looking away from the camera. Away from her.

Mom, listen…

Helena opens up Instagram and lets herself forget for a moment that anything is wrong. On Instagram, there is only joy and fun. And Buck.

Eddie hasn’t posted anything to his account in months but starting from the end and working backwards, Buck features heavily. He’s in at least a third of the pictures, usually with Christopher. One of the posts includes a short video that she watches. It’s of the day they unveiled the adapted skateboard, and it nourishes her soul. There’s no sadness here, or tension, only pure radiating happiness and excitement. It’s magical.

And it’s meaningful.

Mom, listen…

Helena is out of her chair and pocketing Isabel’s car keys before she can talk herself out of it. The drive to Eddie’s house is made with a carefully blank mind. She knows if she lets herself think about what she’s going to say, she’s going to spiral and get to a place where all this fear and sadness turn dark and ugly, and she can’t afford to risk it.

Finally, she’s knocking gently on a front door she’s only seen three times in the weeks she’s been here.

Buck answers the door.

————-

The house is quiet when Helena steps in.

She doesn’t bother taking her shoes off this time, she’s not sure how long she’ll be allowed to stay. But she notices that the space where her shoes would have gone is taken up by a pair of large boots she imagines fit perfectly on Buck’s feet.

Buck disappears into the living room and she follows quietly after him. The lights are off but the muted tv glows brightly enough for her to see Eddie reclined on his back on the couch, sleeping, and Buck sitting down on the edge of the coffee table to shake his arm.

Eddie’s always been a light sleeper, especially after the army and Christopher. He doesn’t wake easily now.

He’s wearing the sling, but it’s the only indication that anything is amiss with him. There’s no sign of pain or worry on his face, no tension in his shoulders. He’s practically melted into the recesses of the couch. He’s a picture of comfort. And why shouldn’t he be? He’s in his home, away from family, from expectations, and judgements. Just him and Christopher. And Buck.

Eddie finally takes a deep breath that shows his body is coming around but his eyes stay closed. Buck is murmuring something but she only catches, “ — mom — here.”

Then, at last, Eddie’s eyelids part, and the deep laxness of his body disappears almost in the blink of an eye.

“What?” he croaks, already trying to sit up.

Buck’s hands are already moving to support his back.

“ — says she wants to apologize.”

Eddie scoffs and sits upright, feet firmly planted on the floor as he blinks himself awake.

“Mom?”

“I’m here,” she says, stepping closer into the light of the tv.

Buck catches Eddie’s eye and they have an entire conversation in five silent seconds that ends with Buck nodding and getting up from the table, watching Helena warily as she approaches further.

“Watch your eyes,” Buck says quietly to Eddie before flipping the wall switch and illuminating the room. He lingers for a moment, clearly undecided about leaving, before saying, “I’ll be in the kitchen.”

Finally, Helena is alone with her son in his home. The quiet is almost peaceful, she doesn’t want to break it. Eddie does instead.

“Buck said you wanted to apologize, so I’m assuming he misheard,” Eddie says wryly.

There are pillow creases on the side of his face and Helena can’t remember the last time she saw him look so disheveled, so at home. It makes her heart ache for the days when she’d have to force him out of bed at noon on weekends, drive him to wrestling practice early in the morning, watch over him as he slept sometimes, just to make sure he was okay.

“Shockingly, no,” she smiles sadly.

Eddie blinks up at her for a moment before shifting down on the couch, leaving her some room to sit. She takes the invitation, but once she’s sitting down with Eddie’s full attention on her, she realizes not preparing what she wanted to say might have been a mistake. She has no idea where to begin. What scab to pick at that won’t cause more bleeding.

Then she remembers Adriana’s words.

What is it, under all the posturing, all the hurt feelings, all the history and baggage...what is it she actually, truly wants to say?

“I’m sorry I missed therapy.”

Eddie huffs a surprised laugh. “Of all the things…”

“I know, I know,” she rolls her eyes. “But I am. I…” She forces herself to slow down and consider her words. “I realize that therapy was an olive branch for you. One we took way too late and I’m...I’m just so fucking grateful we were able to take it at all, in the end.”

The tears are coming and there’s nothing she can do to stop them. They gather in the corner of her eyes and she tries to blink them away but has to settle for wiping away the ones that fall anyway.

“You were right,” she says. “You said — and your sister said, and the therapist said — that there’s a lot of hurt, and it’s become too hard to...to connect with each other because of it. And therapy is probably the only bridge through that. So even though I was pissed at you, I should have showed up.”

She hazards a look up at Eddie to find his brown eyes wide and cautiously wondering.

“Therapy is what’s going to help us and the only way to fail at it is to not show up.” It’s what the therapist had said in their first session. It had sounded like an easy thing to do then. “And that’s not okay. I’m not going to do that again.”

Eddie nods and looks away. His fingernails are flicking nervously against each other — a habit he picked up from her. “Is dad on the same page as you?”

Helena takes a deep breath, and blows out, “No, your dad is looking for a match to light the page on fire.”

Eddie rolls his eyes but there’s heavy hurt behind the indifference.

“I hid all of them,” Helena offers, “and left Abuela with the fire extinguisher.”

That gets a small smile.

“I really expected you to be more pissed about it than him,” Eddie says, he reclines against the arm of the sofa but no part of him looks comfortable with this conversation.

“Oh, I am—” The rage swells up in her. The outrage and indignation. But again, Adriana’s voice comes to her. “I...am...really, truly hurt, Eddie. I feel...I feel like you told me I’m not good enough to love Christopher how he needs.”

Eddie’s face collapses with disbelief. “You mean the way you’ve been making me feel since he was born? Are you kidding me?”

“What?”

“Since the moment Shannon got pregnant, you’ve both been hammering it in on us that we’d never be enough, we’d never be good enough for him. Why do you think I joined the army? Why do you think Shannon ran?”

The accusation makes her breathless, it makes that familiar rage bubble up closer to the surface. “Shannon made her own choices, you’re not going to pin that on us. And so did you.”

“No, I can’t pin that on you. She did choose to leave,” he concedes, his voice hardening. “But you spent five years telling her over and over that nothing she ever did was good enough, and when I got back you did the same to me! ‘Don’t drag him down with you.’ Does that ring any bells?”

“I spent five years helping her, being a second parent to Christopher when she was in over her head. She needed help. She wasn’t cut out—”

“No, she wasn’t,” Eddie agrees. “Neither of us were. We were stupid fucking kids who barely knew each other. She was supposed to get back on a plane to California when the semester was done and instead we got married in the backyard because you told us that’s what we had to do.”

“Jesus Christ, Eddie. You want to blame me for Christopher being born? For raising him in a family with two parents?”

“You’re not listening,” Eddie spits.

“I’m listening to you say over and over how I ruined your life because I didn’t let Shannon get an abortion. And that’s somehow the reason to keep us out of Christopher’s life now?”

“No, you’re not—” Eddie closes his eyes and clenches his jaw. “I love Christopher with everything I am. If I had the chance to go back and do everything differently, I wouldn’t. I would never. Being his father is the most important thing I’ve ever done.”

“Then what are you saying?”

“I’m saying, I was a kid in over my head and my parents didn’t know what was best for me. Didn’t know how to help me. And I figured that out on my own, I grew up and became the man I am now on my own.” She wants to argue but he’s on a roll. “And that’s fine, no parent is perfect. I know I’m going to make mistakes and I hope to god Christopher can forgive me, so I need to forgive you yours. But I need you to see me, now. I need you to look at me and realize I’m not that kid you put in a suit in the backyard. I’m not the kid that signed up to get shot at instead of facing his life. I’m not that kid anymore, mom. I’m not.”

“I see that, Eddie.”

“No, you don’t. Because if you did, you wouldn’t constantly be telling me I need to move back to El Paso to take proper care of Christopher. You’d see that our lives are here now. I have a job I love and pays what we need. Christopher loves his school, his friends. He’s a popular, genius kid. He’s happy. I’m happy. And we’re doing good. But you don’t see that. You see that dumbass, scared kid making his next mistakes. And I’m sorry but I’m not going to let you drag me back into that spiral. If you need to be the parent to that kid, I can’t be the kid you’re parenting. I’ve grown up, mom.”

“So,” Helena clears her throat, hoping the waver in it will clear too. “That’s what the guardianship is? We...lost sight of you growing up. We didn’t give you what you needed. So you’re punishing us?”

Eddie sighs as if she didn’t understand.

“No, you know what? No, I’m sorry,” she switches tracks, her voice hard, “how are we supposed to see this new person you’ve become, Eddie? You left El Paso, left us behind, you won’t come home for holidays, you even stopped posting on Instagram, and when we come here to see you’re alive you won’t even let us into your home. So how? How are we supposed to see this magical transformation when you won’t let us in?”

Eddie watches her for a moment, weighing his words. “You show up for therapy.”

And that takes the wind out of her sails.

That’s what she came here for.

To apologize.

Not keep yelling.

Mom, listen…

Helena takes two deep breaths and crooks a smile. “Yeah.”

“You yell a lot.”

Christopher’s voice startles them both, pulling a short grunt of pain from Eddie as his shoulder jerks back. Christopher is leaning against the wall into the living room, wearing the disgruntled pout of someone who was woken up for no good reason.

“Christopher…” Eddie begins, trying to leverage himself off the couch.

Helena pushes him back down, and turns to Christopher, opening her arms.

“I do,” Helena admits softly, as Christopher comes over and leans into her side. “I do yell a lot. I’m...trying to yell less.”

“Dad never yells.”

Eddie smiles tiredly.

“Hmm,” Helena agrees, “I think there’s a lot of things I need to learn from your daddy.”

Christopher nods, his eyes drooping. “He’s the best,” he says, snuggling into her shoulder. She’s getting on a plane tomorrow so she takes the opportunity to relish in this hug, and press a long kiss on his curls.

“Ah, I thought I heard an escape artist on the prowl,” Buck says as he turns the corner.

“We woke him up,” Eddie says redundantly. “We’ll keep it quiet now, buddy.”

“K,” Christopher mumbles.

“Okay, buddy, let’s get you back to bed” Buck says quietly as he leans over to carefully scoop him into his arms. Christopher’s arms loop around his neck like he’s done it a million times, and his head falls to Buck’s shoulder.

“Buck’s the best too,” Christopher mumbles.

Buck’s ducks his face away.

“That’s what I hear,” Helena allows in a tone she hopes is gracious.

As they leave, they can hear Christopher say, “they stole your bed.”

Buck responds but it’s too quiet for them to follow the rest of the conversation.

Eddie ducks his head and sighs.

“That’s why you were keeping us away?” Helena asks, her voice more gentle than she thought she could muster at this point. “Because Buck’s crashing on your couch?”

Now that she’s looking, she spots the folded duvet stacked on the chair in the corner, the pillows tucked neatly below. It only makes her more aware that she found Eddie sleeping soundly on the very same couch.

“I didn’t — I didn’t want questions. I didn’t want dad’s look, the same look he has every time Buck comes up. The same look—” Eddie sighs harshly. “I didn’t feel like fielding questions. He was here for Christopher when I was in the hospital and when I came home… He helps. A lot.”

Helena nods pensively, and surprises herself by finding a kernel of gratitude towards Buck burgeoning in her chest.

“So, speaking of fucking up as parents,” she begins with a crooked smile that fades by the end of the phrase. She doesn’t know how to finish that sentence so she starts a new one. “The...hurt that piles up, that makes it hard to talk through...does some of it come from Matty?”

She can see an instinct flare up in her son to shake his head and dismiss the topic, but he doesn’t let it take hold. It’s time to face this.

“It didn’t help,” he admits.

Eddie and Matty met in sixth grade and became best friends almost instantly. They spent weekends in sleepovers, fought off other classmates to be each others’ group project partners, and spent every summer going to the same camps. Matty was an honorary Diaz before they even hit their teens.

Five years later, Matty came out to his family, and then to theirs. His parents took it well, Eddie’s parents didn’t.

The sleepovers stopped, the summer camps stopped, and if Ramon could have sent Eddie to another class he would have.

The day he came out to them was the last day he stepped foot in the Diaz home, a natural consequence of Ramon having run him out with caustic, angry words.

“We…” Helena licks her lips and looks away to gather her thoughts. “There’s a lot of reasons we reacted the way we did. Ignorance, more than anything. It really was a different world back then. But...the world has kept turning, things have kept changing and we can’t pretend to be ignorant anymore.” She looks Eddie in the eye to say, “we were wrong. We were wrong to chase him away. And if the day comes that Christopher is gay or trans or any of the other words we haven’t learned yet, we’re going to love him just as much as we do now.”

Eddie keeps her gaze for a moment before nodding. “I’m glad to hear it.” The way his shoulders gather near his ears says he doesn’t believe her though he’s trying.

Because when Eddie and Matty stood shoulder to shoulder to tell Ramon and Helena the news, Matty wasn’t the only one crushed. And they know, somewhere deep down, that their reaction was as extreme as it was because they were never fully sure if the hurt in Eddie’s eyes was on behalf of his best friend, or if they exploded before more news could be told.

And it still scares Helena to this day, to this very moment sitting on her son’s couch. It’s why they welcomed Shannon at first, the first girl Eddie really brought home, even though they didn’t approve of her overall.

But she knows now that there’s nothing anymore, not her pride, not her ignorance, that will stop her from trying to bridge the gap between them. So she continues deliberately, “and if this new, grown up version of you comes with any of those words, we’re not going to love you any less either.”

His eyes widen and for a moment she’s looking at her 17 year old son in the living room, eyes wide as Matty runs out of the house. She wishes this moment could replace that one, stamp out that mistake forever. But it can’t, so she has to make this one count even more.

“I’ll still be here, and I’m listening. I...I see you,” she says. “You and Christopher. I see you settled in so well here, even now with your injury.”

Eddie remains quiet, but apprehension creeps across his face and his eyes dart behind her where Buck and Christopher disappeared.

“I see the boots at the entrance,” she continues, her voice pitched low, “the extra toothbrush you forgot to hide away. The tupperwares full of food Isabel and Ana didn’t make. But more than anything, I see Buck. Everywhere.” A smile creeps up her lips. “The only place I didn’t see him was at brunch with Ana and call me crazy but I feel like you would have preferred he was there too.”

Eddie’s lip is being chewed to within an inch of its life, and his eyes are trained on the couch cushion.

“Hey,” she taps his knee. “You...grew up to be a good man, and a good father.” The words are so many years too late but she’s grateful to see them land as Eddie’s eyes begin to shimmer. “And you deserve everything you want for Christopher. Happiness, whatever that looks like.”

Eddie swallows thickly and clears his throat. “And dad?”

“Dad...has his head too far up his own ass to see or hear anything,” Helena admits. “But he’s due for a colonoscopy soon so I’ll work on it.”

Eddie chokes on a laugh that catches him off-guard and suddenly they’re both laughing, quietly so they don’t wake Christopher up again.

When they recover, Eddie invites her to the kitchen for a drink, where Buck is packing Christopher’s lunch for school tomorrow.

When she leaves, her stomach is in knots she imagines won’t smooth out for a few weeks yet, but a weight’s been lifted off her chest and her heart is full in a way it hasn’t been in years.

When she lands in El Paso, her phone pings with a message from Eddie: Hope you had a good flight. Free Friday for a call?

———-

When Friday comes, after catching up with Christopher, Eddie tells them he broke it off with Ana.

Helena digs her nails into Ramon’s knee instinctively, but she prepared him well and despite his continued reservations, all he says is, “That’s too bad, mijo.”

———-

Two months of virtual therapy and video chats later, Eddie tells them he’s bisexual. They react the way they should have all those years ago, and Helena tries to be grateful they got to have this moment at all instead of mourn for the years Eddie lost because of them.

There’s no mention of Buck, but Eddie’s eyes flit fondly over the laptop screen every once in a while at Christopher and someone else off-screen.

The call takes place at 8am LA time, and the sling has been gone for nearly three weeks.

———

At Christmas, Eddie and Christopher are waiting for them with smiles on their faces at LAX’s baggage claim. When they get home, Buck is there opening the door and helping them with their luggage.

Isabel isn’t there to mediate but supper that evening goes smoothly. The tension that lurks is anticipatory on all sides, a feeling of this being too good to last. But by dessert, everyone is sitting back in their chairs and smiling. And when Buck rounds the table to start the clean up, he places a hand on Eddie’s shoulder, his thumb brushing the back of Eddie’s neck, and Helena watches as the last bit of strain melts out of his body.

The basket of gauze is nowhere to be found in the bathroom, nor is the purple toothbrush. Instead, there’s a third electric toothbrush standing in line with the rest.

Helena’s been keeping an eye out for opportunities to follow Adriana’s advice. To find the words she actually, truly means, and say them before she runs out of time. So before turning in, she takes Eddie aside and tells him, “I’m really happy you found your home here in LA. I’m really proud of the family you’ve made.”

And when she closes her arms around him, she can feel him fold into her like he used to as a kid, no polite distance or anxiety. Just comfort.

[midnightstar-90]

Hidden~ Eddie Diaz x Nash! Reader

A/N: I wanted to add some action, so I moved up when Shannon decided to divorce Eddie. Eddie is too good to make him into a cheater. I'm not really good at describing intimate-type stuff either.

Lose Some, Win Some

Y/N's POV

I am finally home. I'm home with my son, and the school gave me a couple of days to rest. I sat on my couch, watching the news. "Today, police suspect LAFD's 118 for robbing $300,000 worth of cash from a local bank. Police say that the LAFD was there to help the bank manager and a delivery man with a seizure or a possible nerve agent. Police also say that they found the cash inside one of their firetrucks. More information coming up, soon."

After hearing that, I remember the number on one of the firetrucks at the crash. The 118 saved me, and if they saved me, that means that Eddie and my dad are being questioned for a robbery. I haven't known Eddie long, but I know that Eddie, nor my father, would rob a bank.

Zachary walks into the room. "Mommy, I'm ready for bed," my little man says. I turn to him and say, "Ok, I'll be in there in a bit." He runs back to his room.

I hear a knock at the door. It is almost 9:30 pm. Who could be at my door? I go to the door and look through the peephole. Eddie and Christopher stand at the door with a to-go bag.

I open the door, and I say, "Eddie? Chris? what are you doing here?" "I bet you have heard about what is going on. The police have ransacked our house, and I was wondering if you could watch Chris until this blows over?" Eddie asked me desperately.

I smile at the two boys. "Sure. Chris, Zach is in his room getting ready for bed. You can go hang out with him until I get you a bed ready. His room is down the hall, the First door on the left," I tell the little boy, and then turn to Eddie.

He hands me Chris' night bag, and I joke and say, "There better not be any evidence in here." He chuckles, saying, "Nope, no evidence, just clothes, and a toothbrush."

I invite him into my apartment. He walks in and says, "Nice apartment. Is that a skylight?" He points up, at the skylight, in my living room.

(Y/N's Living room /w a skylight)

"Yeah, when Levi died, I would tell Zach that his father was watching him from the stars. So, I decided that anytime we missed Levi, we would watch the stars," I said, trying not to tear up.

Eddie reaches in his pocket and pulls out a picture. "I'm guessing this is Levi?" Eddie asks, handing me the picture. I look at the picture and lose my cool. Eddie sits me on the couch and just hugs me.

This is the closest I've ever been to a man since Levi. It felt good. I felt protected. I don't need protection because I was in the navy, but this man made me feel loved.

We sat on the couch, with me crying into his shirt. "Mommy, aren't you gonna put me to bed?" "Yeah." I get up, heading into my child's room.

Eddie follows me into the room, and what he sees shocks him.

(Zachary's bed)

Christopher is sitting on the bottom bunk of a firehouse bed. The whole room was dedicated to firefighters. When we got in that crash, and he met his grandfather, Zach decided that when he gets older, he would become a firefighter.

Christopher looks at his dad and says, "Dad, Zach said he wants to be like you and uncle Buck when he gets older."

Eddie continues to look around. He walks towards the cubby. Inside the cubby is some of Zach's favorite toys, some pictures of Levi and I, and some pictures of Zach and I. What really caught Eddie's eye, was the picture of Zach on my shoulders, at the El Paso Zoo.

I am tucking the boys in, when I hear, "You were in El Paso?" I look back and say, "Yeah, that was Zach's 2nd birthday. Levi was born in Austin, but he grew up in El Paso." Eddie just nods and goes back to looking around.

As I'm tucking Christopher in he says, "Dad and I are from El Paso. It would have been cool if we met before LA." I smile at the boy, before walking out and turning off the lights.

"We have a lot in common, you know?" Eddie tells me. I look at him and he looks back. "Oh, really?" I ask. Eddie and I move closer to each other. I continue to look at the man and I ask, "Like what?" "Well, for starters, we were both fought for our country." Imagining this man in a military uniform made the moment even hotter. I moved closer. "Ok, and?" "And, we both had a son at a young age."

At this point, he was towering over me. I quickly pulled the man into a kiss. He kisses back. I move my hands from my side to his chest, and he grabs my hips. He deepens the kiss as I move my hands from his chest to his neck. I feel strong hands go under my shirt.

We keep making out for a couple of minutes until I pull back. "I'm so sorry. I forgot you married," I say frantically. "She told me she wasn't ready. She filed for divorce. I also didn't feel like our relationship was working. She left us when Chris was little. I kinda like this hot teacher, who was in the Navy and has a son. Also, she knows about being a firefighter." Eddie tells me, holding my hands.

I kiss Eddie again. Eddie and I head to my room, without breaking the kiss. That night was the best night in forever. Everyone got a sleepover.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The robbery thing has been put behind us, but a new problem has arrived. My father didn't tell the LAFD everything about why he transferred, therefore leaving him suspended. He hasn't told me either, but I think it is best to let him come to me about it.

I started work again today, except I feel like I'm looking after 3 kids. My dad insisted that we hang out, you know since he wasn't there for most of my life.

I wake up at 5 am to a large banging noise. I look to see who it is, and surprise surprise, it is my father with tons of groceries. "Dad, what are you doing here. Zach is still asleep, and I don't have to be up till 7 am." I tell my dad, letting him in.

He heads to my kitchen and sits down the food. "I was thinking that I could make you and Zach breakfast, and then I could take you to work."

I gave my father a loving look. I feel bad that his past came back to haunt him, but maybe something good will come out of it. Besides, I missed the father/daughter bonding we had. Eddie told me his food is at grade A chef level, so why not let him cook for me.

"Well I love what you're doing, but I'm missing sleep. If it's fine with you, could I go back to sleep?" I ask, and receive a nod back. I walk to my room, but I turn back to check upon him. I know he's sad, but at this moment he looks happy.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I woke up at 7 am to a heavenly smell. I walk into the kitchen, after remembering my dad was making breakfast. As leave the hallway to see my son and father talking about firefighting. I smile, and my dad turns to face me.

"Ah, you're awake! I woke up Zach and got him dressed for you." my dad says taking a bite of the french toast. I go into the kitchen and make myself some food. I see french toast, fresh fruit, bacon, eggs, and freshly squeezed orange juice. I look amazed as I take some of everything.

My dad works up the courage to ask me a question, "I was wondering if you wanted to stop by the firehouse, like old times. I have some people I would like you to meet." With my mouth full, I say, "Yeah, I missed those days" "Oh man, mommy is breaking a rule. She is talking with her mouth full," Zach says to the man next to him.

Dad laughs. "Well I ate, but I have to get dressed." I head to my room to get dressed.

(Y/N's outfit to work)

I walk back into the living room and we get ready to head out. We make it to the school, and I say goodbye to my father. I take Zach to class. I get to the office and I see Eddie and Chris. "Hey, I was just hanging with your fire captain." "Well, can you tell him we want him back because his replacement is terrible?" I laugh.

"So, are you coming to the firehouse?" Eddie asked me like he knew my dad would ask me. I give the firefighter a suspicious look and then say, "Yeah, my dad asked me this morning. Would you like me to bring Chris?" He gives me a "yeah, sure", and then we say goodbye.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Christopher and I had so much fun. We were in math, and I helped teach him fractions with mini Kit-Kats. Then, in English, we acted out storytime with his class. The day ended in science, where we build and erupted our own volcanos.

It is the end of the day, some and of the boys waited outside for my father. When he arrived, we got in and started heading towards the fire station, which was only a 5-minute drive.

We walk into the 118's fire station, and Zach went off. A scream could be heard throughout the whole building. All the firefighters and paramedics stopped to see what was going on. My dad walked up to me and said, "Just like his mother."

Eddie and another man walked down the stairs to see what was happening. I smile at the majestic man walking towards me. We go into a hug before I hear a cough.

"Eddie, aren't you gonna introduce me to the pretty lady," the man asked Eddie. I smile at the man, but Eddie and my dad roll their eyes. My dad jumps into the conversation, "Buck, this is my daughter, Y/N, and her son, Zach. Y/N, this is Buck."

Buck and I shake hands. "My name is actually Evan Buckley, but everyone calls me Buck. You are somewhat of what Eddie has told me. Your pretty, but I expected a younger Bobby, with boobs." Eddie smacks Buck's chest.

I'm laughing and I head upstairs with the others. "Mommy! Mommy! Can I go down the fire pole," Zach asks, tugging on my pant leg? I nod my head yes.

Another man and woman walk over and sit with us in the lounge. "Why is there a little boy running around? Did someone drop him off, because I think your only supposed to do that with babies, not children," the man said, sitting right next to me. "That's my son. I'm Y/N." I hold out my hand waiting for the man to shake it. "I'm Howie, but everyone calls me Chimney. This is Hen," The man says, and the woman waves.

We continue to talk until the emergency bell rings. Everyone heads downstairs, but I pull Eddie back. I give him a long kiss, with my arms around his neck and his around my waist.

I pull back and say, "I had fun the other night. Maybe, I could see if my dad could watch the boys, and you and I could maybe have dinner at my house." Eddie groans and says, "Oh, how I would love that. We could also watch a movie."

This man will be the death of me. "Yeah, but you need to go." Eddie runs off to an emergency, I head to the store with my dad, Christopher, and Zachary.

"You know, you don't have to hide Eddie from me," He tells me. I look at him shocked. "I see the way you guys look at each other, and I saw you guys kiss today," he says calmly.

"Well, since you know could you help me make a meal for him and I tonight, and can you watch the boys?" I practically beg. He nods, and then he moves towards the isles, picking out ingredients.

"I don't want to intrude, so I will give you a recipe card. But yes, I will take the boys, just use protection. I don't want to see another grandchild for a while," he says, earning a smack on the chest from me. "There are children around," I whisper.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My dad gave me a recipe for Ravioli, served with garlic bread and bacon-wrapped asparagus. I am almost finished cooking when I hear a knock.

(Y/N's Date Outfit)

I open the door to see a devastated Eddie. I go in to hug him, and Eddie says, "She's dead. Shannon died in the emergency room. That call we left for, that was for her. What am I gonna tell Christopher."

I welcome the man in, and I sit him on the couch. "Do you want to eat?" I ask, hoping that I could get him to relax and eat. "No" is all I hear, before he shoves his face into my shoulder, and lets it all out. I rub his back and say, "Everything will be fine."

We sit there, on the couch, just cuddling. I smell something burning. My eyes widen and I yell, "My bread!"

Eddie's mind comes back to earth and he heads towards the kitchen. Not only is the bread burnt, but there was also a slight fire. Eddie quickly grabbed the fire extinguisher and put out the fire.

I was so scared. Eddie saved me from a fire. At the moment, I forgot all about the food, Eddie's emotions, and everything else. I kissed Eddie out of thankfulness. We kissed for about a minute before he pulled away.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have done that, with everything going on. I was scared. I could've just stood there and let the fire grow, but no, you saved me. You are m-" Eddie cut me off with a kiss.

Eddie picked me up and took me to my room. He laid me on my bed, and next thing you know, our clothes are off.

Taglist: @notanordinaryprincess95 @jjpogueprincess @wiypt-writes

[libraryofloveletters]

More Days, Fewer Words

Eddie Diaz x Reader 

Warnings: fem!reader

Category: angst 

Word Count: 4.2k

Author’s Note: based on my failed talking stage so this was self indulgent :)  also thank you to @hotchsdarling​ for her help :) <3

-----

Cold. 

The word that describes the current state of your relationship with Eddie. He sat across from you in your bedroom, his shoulders hung as he slouched in the chair. Your foot tapping against the floor was the only continuous noise echoing through the room, ever so often Eddie glanced at you before directing his attention back to your tapping foot. 

Today was supposed to be a nice day, sunny and hot in El Paso, as were most days but not today. Today was gloomy, grey and raining. The wind that blew through the cracked window was cold -cold enough to cause goosebumps. The words that were spoken lingered in the room although nothing was being said. 

“I think I should go” he pipes up, his voice quiet and soft, as if he spoke louder he would break you more than he already had. 

“Okay” a whisper left your throat, barely. 

Eddie pushed himself up out of the chair and headed towards your door. He stepped out, looking back at you now laying on your bed, staring up at the ceiling. 

“I-” 

Silence.

He sighed, shutting the door. His steps quieter as each went. His voice back to normal as he said goodnight to your parents. The tear rolled down your face, the back of your hand wiping it away when you stand. Eddie stood out in the rain in front of your house, you watched as he looked at your bedroom window. He stood there for a moment and you opened the window. He waited - waited for you to shout for him to come back into the house, for you to do something, anything. 

You didn’t. 

Shoulder slumped and now rain soaked, he turned and walked the other way. 

How did you end up here? Never did you expect him to leave. He was always the constant in your life, there through the good and the bad, as you were for him but something changed. People change and people drift apart. Some things things were just meant to happen the way they happened. 

----

Last you heard, Eddie had moved after his wife left. You had seen him at the store and he saw you too. An awkward moment of eye contact was had and you both went your separate ways. His mother was the one that had told you about his move, she kept up with you even after the falling out. She always stopped and spoke to you if she saw you, still sent you flowers for your birthday until this day. She had really started telling you that Shannon had left to take care of her mother, but of course, Eddie was an angel in their eyes so Shannon was left to take all the blame. 

Not that you knew Shannon personally nor did you know the ins and outs of her relationship with Eddie but you had heard enough from friends to know that things weren't good. She had commitments, one to take care of her mother and of course, she had one to take care of sweet Christoper but you could understand why she left. It’s hard raising a child when your partner is gone and when he returns, he’s just there with no sense of what’s happening. You would never blame Eddie but you couldn’t exactly blame Shannon either. 

So as anyone would, you went to see Eddie’s mom before you left for LA. there was nothing left for you in El Paso, most of your family had moved. You didn’t want to stay there by yourself with all the memories of your past.

It was time for a fresh start. 

Imagine your surprise when Mrs. Diaz goes “that’s where Eddie is too!” She had known the two of you stopped talking but she didn’t know why. Neither of you spoke about your feelings and that was part of the reason why the friendship ended to begin with. She told you he had become a firefighter when he moved, he had just gotten a job at station 118. 

Something you loved about her, she always told you what you wanted to hear without asking. 

She wished you good luck and promised to visit you when she and Ramon came out to see Eddie and with that, you were off. 

The entire time, your mind wandered back to Eddie. Surely, he had moved on. He did with Shannon, you couldn’t have given him what he wanted. Stability, a marriage sometime in the near future, a child after that, all things you weren't ready for at that point in your life. Truthfully, you still weren't sure if you were ready now, but maybe and only maybe, would you consider it for the right person. 

LA was new and fresh, a clean stale for you to try things and meet people. Right now you were just focused on getting settled in with the new place and the new job. Lauren, the woman whose desk was next to yours asked you to join her and some of the others for drinks after work to celebrate the account the team had gotten earlier. Being new to town and all, you had no other plans so you agreed.

9:30 on a Tuesday night and you were at a bar not far from your workplace. 

Lauren and Matt, who you now realized was her boyfriend, were telling everyone about this new fancy restaurant they went to for their anniversary. You smiled and nodded, but truly you were zoned out. Eyes wandered through the bar, from groups much like yours, to couples, some men and women sat at the counter and then a group of people by the pool table. You watched as a shorter man with black hair hit the ball into the pocket, another man, this one blonde and tall, patted his back and then took his turn. Your focus was on them until Lauren called your name. 

“Y/n?” 

“Hm?” 

“What do you think about that ?” 

“About what ? Sorry, I missed what you said” smiling apologetically at her. 

“The restaurant, isn't that crazy ?” 

“Yeah it totally is” Lauren hums at your response and carries on with her conversation. Gaze drifting back to the pool table at the other end of the bar, you excuse yourself from the group for a moment. You watch the blonde man miss yet another shot as you walk towards the bathroom. Not that you needed to go, you just wanted to have a better view of the game. Your back was up against the wall, the man with the black hair hit another ball into the pocket and surprise surprise, the blonde man missed again. 

“He's totally kicking your ass” stepping forward, your hands resting on the edge of the table. The blonde man looked offended while his friend laughed. 

“I am, aren't I ?” he asked you, smiling in amusement. 

You nodded, he introduced himself. “I’m Howard, but you can call me Chimney. My friend here is Buck.” 

“Chimney ?” your brows raise, he shakes his head, “long story.” 

“You are ?” Buck asks, “y/n” you smile. 

“Okay, y/n. Think you can do better than me?” he asks, holding the stick out for you. Smiling, you take it, “definitely can do better than that” as you lean over the table, Buck steps to the side and watches as you line the shot up. One hit and the ball rolls into the pocket. 

“Yeah, she’s got you beat Buckaroo” Chimney laughs, “Buckaroo ? How cute” you smile, Buck rolls his eyes. 

“Don’t listen to him” he says, nodding to Chimney. “Your go man” 

Buck lets you take his turn for him, Chimney missed the first one but gets the second one in. Just as you lean to line the stick with the ball, you hear him. His voice still brings chills to your spine. He hadn’t noticed you yet, you can hear him talking to Buck, you glance up ever so slightly to make sure you heard right. 

What are the odds that the two of you lived in the same place your entire lives and never run into each other but not even 2 weeks into your move to LA and you see him? 

Pushing the feeling and thoughts of Eddie from your mind, which wasn't the easiest considering he's right in front of you, you hit the ball and it rolls into the pocket. 

“Good shot y/n!” Buck calls from his chair. You wince, hoping Eddie wouldn't look back but he did. The two of you looking at each other like you were the only people in the room. All the feelings from that day returned, the heavy tension weighing you down. Eddie’s reaction made you want to run, far and to never return, to somewhere you’d never see him. Yet, you were stuck, froze and fixated on him. 

“I think I should go.” you hand the stick to Chimney who’s now exchanging confused glances with Buck. “It was nice to meet you guys. Enjoy your game.” you smile at the two men, one last glance at Eddie before walking away. You say goodnight to your friends from work and apologize for just disappearing on them. Lauren and Matt offer to give you a ride as you came with them but you decided you’d walk. 

---- 

Eddie follows his morning routine per usual. Up at 7, wake Chris up, breakfast, shower and get ready, out the door by 8:15 the latest, drop Chris off at school for 8:30 and at work by 9. 

As soon as his bag hits the floor, Buck comes running in, Chim hot on his tail. “Good morning” Buck smiles at his best friend, taking a seat on the bench across from Eddie’s locker. “Morning Eddie, how’d you sleep ?” Chim asks, Eddie turns and looks at Chimney, “how did I what ?” Eddie’s face twisted into his typical scowl.  

“Sleep, how did you sleep ? Friends ask that don't they Buck ?” Chim faces Buck, his back against the wall across from the lockers. Buck nods but Eddie ignores them, he goes back to changing for work. The room is quiet except for Eddie’s tumbling through his bag and locker and Chimney throwing a tennis ball at the wall across from him and catching it. Buck being Buck, decided to ask the question they had actually gone in there to ask. 

“So why did our new friend just up and leave after you showed up?” 

Eddie didn't answer, Chimney kept bouncing the ball and Buck asked the same question over and over again in different variations, hoping to get an answer. Finally Eddie turns to face them, the locker door slamming shut. Buck and Chimney’s heads perking up at the sound. 

“What do you want to know ?” Eddie asks, Buck opens his mouth but Eddie cuts him off. “You can only ask one question each. That's it” the two men nod, Chim joining Buck on the bench. “Do you guys know each other from your past life or something ?” Buck asks the first question. 

“She was an old friend.” Eddie’s simple answer didn’t satisfy the curiosity that Buck and Chimney had. 

“What happened between you two ?” Chimney used his question, earning him a sigh from Eddie. 

A loss for words wasn't a common thing for Eddie, sure he didn’t confront every problem verbally, that was usually the last option he chose but he looked for the simplest terms to put what happened. 

“We drifted apart” 

“Oh c’mon! There has to be more!” Buck looks up at his friend who was in no mood for questions, the look on his face was enough to get Buck to stop but did he ? Of course not. 

“Eddie, come on. It's us. You can tell us what happened” 

“What I say here, ends here. Understand ?” his friends nod. Eddie sits on the bench beside them. 

“We were friends back in El Paso. Grew up together our whole lives, everyone thought that we'd get married,” he chuckled at the thought, “but obviously, didn’t happen. It was right after we had graduated, we had feelings for each other but neither of us said anythi- well that’s not true. We admitted that we had feelings once but nothing ever happened. She went off to college and I was still figuring out my life. After I told her I enlisted, we drifted. Hung out less, the calls became shorter and eventually they stopped. The only time we saw each other was if one of us showed up at the other’s place. I told her that I couldn’t have a relationship like this, with nothing happening. I wanted a life together, to get married, to have a kid and she said she didn’t want that, she ‘couldn't give that to me.’ We stopped talking after that. I left and when I came back, I met Shannon, we got married and had Chris.” 

“So that’s that. Anyone want a smoothie ?” He stands and waits for an answer, both men shake their heads and he walks out like he hadn’t just told them all of that. Buck and Chim sat there, staring at Eddie walking away. He had this great romance and it ended because they had shitty communication skills ? There was no way Buck and Chim would let this slide, they’d hatch a plan but one that Eddie would know nothing about. Only to figure out how they can get the two of them together in one place. 

---

A routine fire drill for an office building was a normal day for the 118. Bobby coordinated with the team from outside. Hen, Chim and Buck all inside the building, they went through various floors checking to make sure they were clear while Eddie was in the lobby. 

This was their first shift back after their 24 hour shift as was it the first shift back since the Eddie “I had a friend that I loved but did nothing” bomb was dropped. The team took their sweet time clearing the building, they were supposed to be in and out as fast as they can be because they were supposed to be acting like it was a real fire. 

You on the other hand, were now arriving to work. You had a check in with your doctor and called in to say you’d be late. You find your way through the crowd outside of the building and spot Lauren by a corner. 

“Hey!” she smiles, you smile back at her. “What’s going on?” you ask her, turning to look at the crowd forming by the door. “Fire drill” she informs you, nodding towards the 2 big red firetrucks parked in front of the building. You hum, the side of the truck had big white numbers that said 118. Why did that feel so familiar to you ? 

“He works at station 118 now” Eddie’s mother’s words ringing in your head. 

No no no no no, not again. God I hope he isn't working today. 

Everyone reenters the building and there he was again. You couldn’t help but look at him. He had grown since you saw him that day at the store, you didn’t know what you were expecting. He stood there, his coat undone and his helmet in his hand, his typically well kept hair was wavy and messy from the helmet. He looked cute, but you wouldn't dare to tell him that. Not then, not now. You look away before he sees you. Making your way up the stairs, you were searching through your bag for your phone when you bumped into someone. Their hands on your arms, “sorry about that” you mumble before looking up. 

Buck smiled at you, “it’s okay. I didn’t know you worked here” 

“Yeah, started a few weeks ago” 

“Hey, why don't you come out with us tonight ? Chimney will be there and my sister Maddie, plus Hen and her wife are coming. She works with us, you’ll really like her” Buck gave you a smile, his eyes pleading for you to join them. He didn’t mention Eddie but you’re sure he would be there. Oh what the hell, you co-existed in El Paso for years, you had the same friends there too, what difference did it make here? 

“You know what, sure. Where and when ?” 

Buck reached into his pocket for his phone, giving it to you. “I’ll text you the details” you type your number into Buck’s phone. HIs radio went off, someone was looking for Buckley which you assumed was him and it was, he shouted that he’d text you as he ran off down the hallway. Chuckling at the man, you wondered how someone as joyful and sweet as him stayed so joyful and sweet doing a job like his. Surely, he had seen some messed up stuff, there was no way he didn’t. Nothing thinking much into it, you head into work for the day. 

----

Buck didn’t take long to text you a name of a restaurant and a time, he also told you to ask for Buckley when you arrived. Work kind of flies by when you have something to do, soon enough you were at home getting ready. The place was 20 minutes from your place, you arrived on time surprisingly. The man at the front smiled at you and led you into the restaurant when you gave him the name. Just as you were walking in, your phone chimed. 

From Buck: Okay don't be mad but Hen and Karen can’t make it. Chimney and Maddie are having a date night in and I’m sitting on my couch but have fun  

From Buck: But drinks tomorrow I promise, if you’re not mad at me :) 

Did he send you here to have dinner by yourself ? 

When you looked up, the man had just stopped in front of a table, had you not looked up you would have walked into him. Eddie sat at a table for 2, you look at him and he looks at you. The man excused himself as the two of you are looking at each other like you’re the only people in the place once again. 

“Buck ?” you ask him 

“Buck.” he answers, you hum. 

You pause for a moment. “Well, I can leave. We don't have to st-” “no please, sit” Eddie says, your brows furrow before you sit across from him. 

“I didn’t-” “When did-” the sentences cut off each other. Gesturing to him, “you first” your attention on the man in front of you. He takes a sip of water before speaking. “I didn’t know you moved to LA” he says, you hum. “I didn’t know you moved either.”

“Yeah after Shannon-” 

“Left. Yeah, your mom told me.” 

“How did Buck get you here?” Eddie looks over at you. “Bumped into me during the fire drill. He asked me to come out with the team tonight, to meet them.” 

“He told me that he wanted to get dinner and help me plan Christopher’s birthday party” 

“Chris has probably gotten so big” 

“Yeah, he did” Eddie pulls his phone out to show you a picture. Eddie and Christopher sat on the couch next to Eddie’s grandmother. 

“Awe, he’s grown so much. How’s your Abuela ?” 

“She's good, she's been helping me out with Christoper since I moved here.” 

Your eyes drifting back to the phone that sat on the table, it seemed like a recent photo. The cake on the table read “happy birthday” and Christoper’s arms are wrapped around Eddie’s waist. Chris is laughing with frosting on his cheek while Abuela feeds Eddie a piece of cake. The picture was from Eddie’s birthday, it was from last weekend. 

“oh my god, it slipped my mind.” you look at him, Eddie’s brows furrowed and his head tilts slightly. “What’s wrong ?” he sounded concerned. 

“Happy birthday Eddie” smiling at your friend- if you could even call him that. Eddie returns the smile. “Thank you” 

The waiter returns to the table, asking if you were ready to order. Eddie looks at you, unsure what to say to the waiter. You speak up, “No thank you, I think we’re going to get going.” 

“Is there any way we could get you to stay ?” the waiter asks, you smile politely and shake your head. “Thank you but the babysitter called, our son isn't feeling too well so we’re going to head home” now smiling sweetly at the waiter, he nods and leaves. Eddie’s eyes are on you, you could feel them on your from the moment you say “our son”

Getting up, picking up your purse. “It was nice seeing you Eddie” 

“Wait! Let me walk you out” he gets up from his seat, he follows you as you make your way through the tables and out of the restaurant. 

“No thanks, I’m more than capable of walking myself out” you say with a hint of annoyance in your voice. You’re out on the street walking towards the direction of your car when you feel a hand wrap around your wrist tugging you back slightly. 

“I know you’re capable, but please. It’s the least I can do” he gives you a pathetic look, a small pout on his face. 

“God, stop it. You know I hate that stupid face” pulling your hand away, you continue towards your car. “What face?” he shouts, jogging behind you as he follows you to your car. 

“That stupid pout of yours. It always got me to give in” turning around, you hadn't realized how close behind you Eddie was. His chest against yours, his hand on your waist instinctively when you bump into him. Eddie had no clue what you were talking about, a pout ? He had never pouted a day in his life. Clearing his throat, he relaxed his face as best as he could. 

“Can we talk, please ?” you shake your head, moving his hand from your hip. “Eddie, what more is there to say ?” 

“I love you.” 

The 3 words you had been dying to hear since freshman year of high school. The 3 words that would have been the glue to hold your relationship together all those years ago. 

“Eddie, what-” you breathe. You were at a loss for words. Why now? Why not all those years ago?

“I know” he takes a step back. 

“Why now? Is it because you already got married ? Because you have Chris ? Because you don’t need me to give you those things, you just- why ?” 

“Y/n, it was never about those things with you.” he reaches for your hand, you pull away. 

“But it was. It always was about the future we would have built together. You wanted to get married, you wanted to have children and I didn’t. I wasn’t ready. I still don't know if I am. So please, if you’re just going to leave again, go now before I fall in love with you again.” admitting your feelings to him in the middle of the street. 

“I got married, I have a kid - and you’re right. I don't feel the need to do those again because I already have. It doesn’t mean I stopped loving you. It doesn't mean a day hasn't passed by that I didn’t think about you or that I didn’t want to call you.” he sighs, his heart on his sleeve. Eddie wasn’t only one to talk about his feelings, ever. It meant a lot to both of you that you had your feelings out in the open. 

Eddie’s hands grabbed your waist, your body pressed against his. “Eddie, please don’t. I can’t do this. We’ve both moved on-” his hand cradled your face,  his lips on yours ended your sentence. 

Your heart pounded in your chest, you could only focus on how Eddie’s lips felt against yours. You had been dreaming for another moment like this since he left you that day in your bedroom, it felt as if time stopped and it was only the two of you while the world melted away. 

Eddie’s eyes had ever so slightly opened, taking the beautiful women in front of him. Taking in the moment just to make sure he wasn’t imagining what he had dreamt of and for the first time in all those years, he didn’t feel sad when he thought of you, he saw the one he had been waiting for.  

“Ed-” “Y/n, I love you.” 

“Eddie I-” 

“No, it’s you. It's always been you.” 

“Oh my god, Edmundo! Shut up, I'm trying to tell you something” you groan, Eddie bites back a smile.

“What is it?” 

“I love you too.” 

---- 

Yeah I got lazy, but happy ending :) Just assume they worked things out and are happy now :) 

taglist: @advicefromnixxxx​ @dralexreid​ @keenmarvellover​ @mikaelson-emma​ @beth-winchester21​ @averyhotchner​ @fernandaweasley2​ @yikesyikesyikes95​ @hotchsdarling​

[luv-eddiediaz]

Hi. Me again, with my obsession of cowboy Eddie and city Buck. 

I was driving around the country last night looking for some cool rocks to put in my yard (I live in town, but like 20 minutes from all the ranches and wide open spaces), and I had like a Buddie version of a Hallmark movie playing in my head the whole time. 

Imagine with me:

Buck has been living in NYC. He’s been working at some art gallery and dating Abby and living with her in her fancy loft while she sculpts, but something happens and she still needs to go find herself, so off she goes to abandon our boy, who, after a couple of months, and some conversations with his friends, realizes she isn’t going to come back, and he sets off to start over. 

He basically throws a dart at a map, and it lands on El Paso, and so that’s where he packs his bags to go. He gets a job at a local bar, and rents a room in the back. He doesn’t think El Paso is going to be for him, so he’s just going to work a few weeks until he can figure out where he wants to go and has some more money saved up to get there.

He notices that every other night, a dark haired man comes in and orders a whiskey, neat and two beers. He sits alone and doesn’t talk to anyone except the girl who works at the bar with Buck at night (I’ve named her Desiree). To Buck, he seems kind of sad. 

One night, Desiree is off, and it’s Just Buck. The guy comes in and Buck brings him his whiskey without him having to order. The man tips his hat, and Buck smiles, but they don’t say anything. When he’s finished his whiskey, Buck goes back to him with his draft of Budweiser, and again he tips his hat, and Buck smiles. They don’t talk until Buck brings him last beer. 

“It’s Buck, right?”

“Uh, yea, how did you know?”

“Desiree is my cousin. She’s mentioned you a few times. Doesn’t like you very much.”

Buck laughs, “I didn’t think she did.”

“It’s your shoes. They’re too shiny, and she says you smell too nice.”

“How does someone smell too nice?”

“Girls here are just different than where you come from.”

“Everyone here is different than where I come from.”

And the man laughs so quiet Buck isn’t even sure he’s laughing, and then he holds out his hand, “I’m Eddie.”

“Nice to meet you.” Buck meets his hand, and it’s softer than Buck would have thought given his dirt stained jeans, and his small drawl, and the cowboy hat he never seems to take off his head. 

So, now whenever Eddie comes in, Buck waits on him, and as the customers dwindle down, Buck ends up sitting in the corner booth with him, and they talk. About New York mostly, about Abby and art, Eddie’s son, and how Buck thinks he might do better in Austin if he was going to stay in Texas. 

“If you change your mind, and want to stay,” Eddie says one night, “I have a shed I converted to a guest house. I’d be more than happy to rent it out to you.”

Buck isn’t sure why, but the thought of Eddie wanting him to stay makes him feel good, and so he decides to take him up on the offer. He meets Eddie at his place one Sunday afternoon, which is this sprawling ranch, and a large, gray stucco house. Eddie shows him around the grounds.

“So, these are Greg and Elizabeth,” he says of two goats nosing at Buck’s shoes, “those are the three Rosies,” he points to three brown cows, “the chicken coop is in the back, but you’ll have to ask Christopher their names, because honestly, I don’t know. I think he keeps changing them.”

“All these animals are yours?”

“Uh, the goats and chickens, yes. One Rosie is a boarder, and the other two are ours until I find them somewhere else to go.” 

“Do you like rescue animals?”

“Sort of. I’m a large animal vet.”

“How did you not tell me this?”

Eddie shrugs and smiles this little half smile Buck has come to adore, “I don’t like talking about myself. And you love talking about yourself.”

“Do not.”

“You really do.”

Then Eddie shows him the shed/house, and Buck decides he’s going to stay there. Eddie also asks if during the day Buck wants to help out answering phones and stuff in the clinic.

Hilarity would ensue with Buck in his fancy sweaters and nice shoes trying to help wrangle the goats and the cows. Sweetness comes when he’s out feeding the chickens with Christopher, and eating sandwiches with him at the reception desk of the vet clinic. 

At some point, he starts wearing flannel shirts, and faded denim. Eddie even buys him his own cowboy hat the day he takes him out horseback riding. 

That same day, they sit by a creek, underneath a tree while their horses graze, and have a more serious conversation. Eddie opens up about his wife’s recent death, but how they had been on the rocks for a while, and Eddie thought maybe they were going to work things out, but she said she didn’t want to and then she had an accident in town. 

Buck doesn’t think he’s crazy when Eddie puts Buck’s hat back on his head and he feels this electricity as they stare at each other, close enough to smell what the other had for breakfast on their breath. He thinks maybe Eddie is going to kiss him, but he doesn’t. And it leaves him disappointed. 

So, of course. with the two of them on this precipice of something, Abby comes back! 

She finds out where Buck is, and goes down to Texas. It’s a Saturday night, and Buck is working at the bar, and it’s a little bit busy, but Christopher is staying the weekend with his aunt and cousins, and Eddie is down there, and between serving Buck lets Eddie try and teach him to line dance, and they shoot a round of pool that lasts forever because Buck keeps having to go work, but it doesn’t matter, because he is having the best time, and he’s seeing Eddie laugh with his whole face, and he knows, he just knows he is falling in love with this man, and only hopes he’s falling in love back. 

They are literally just about to kiss in a dark corner when Buck sees Abby in the middle of the bar, and says her name. He doesn’t forget Eddie is there, but he kinds forgets Eddie is there and walks over to her, gives her a hug.

“What are you doing here?”

“I missed you too.”

“Can we talk?” she asks, “are you busy?”

“I’m working, but I can take a minute; here.” He leads her to a small booth and slides in across from her.

“Look,” she starts, “I’m not sorry I left, because I had to. I was feeling suffocated.”

“By me?”

“No, well, yes, but not you. Just my life, and you happened to be a part of that. I needed to get lost to find myself again.”

“And did you?”

“Yes.”

“It’s been five months, Abby. I left us. I left New York; I started over.”

“I see that. Kind of a weird choice.”

“I like it.”

Because he likes Eddie. 

Shit. Eddie. Buck looks around the bar and sees that he’s gone, and he doesn’t blame him for bailing. He looks back at Abby; at the beautiful curve of her face, her bright green eyes that still pop through the lenses of her glasses. He remembers what it felt like to kiss her lips, and feel her hands through his hair. He never loved anyone the way he loved Abby - she was the first real thing in his life, but he knows now, that Abby never loved him the way he deserved.

“Buck?”

“Thank you for coming here to explain yourself.”

“I was kind of hoping I could talk you into coming to New York with me.”

“Nah, I’m good here. I’ve got all these flannel shirts now, and the concrete would just kill these boots.”

Abby laughs, “not to mention the cowboy.”

“What cowboy?”

“The one that’s been staring at us like he’s ready to pull my hair.”

Buck looks to where Abby is nodding and he wonders how the hell he missed Eddie sitting there.

“Yea, and the cowboy.”

She smiles and kisses Buck on the cheek as she gets up to leave. Buck waits a few seconds until she’s walked out the door and saunters over to Eddie with a woeful look on his face. He sits on the barstool next to him 

“I’m sorry about that,” he says.

“Oh, you’re sorry for dropping me like a dirty rag as soon as you saw your ex-girlfriend? Or is she still your girlfriend?”

“No. She’s my ex. There’s uh, there’s someone else I’m kind of interested in.”

“Anyone I know? It’s a small town after all.”

“I think you may be familiar with him.”

“Him? That could be a dangerous thing here.”

“I like a little bit of danger.”

Eddie smiles, “what time do you get off?”

“About another hour.”

“Hmmm, I’ll come back and pick you up.”

Eddie tips his hat and leaves the bar, and Buck thinks the last hour of his shift drags on forever, but finally he’s cashed out and collected his tips and he goes outside to find Eddie sitting in his truck. Buck gets in, and they drive out past the town lights, past his ranch, almost right up to the border to Mexico, and park. 

Buck feels like he’s in a country song as the radio hums in the background and Eddie leans over the console to touch his fingertips to Buck’s chin and pull him towards himself to give him a soft, slow kiss. 

It’s the best kiss Buck has ever had, and he can’t help but smile the entire time. It’s the beginning of what Buck knows is going to be the rest of his life. 

[gayhotpriests]

been here all along [fic]

Or; there are traces of Buck all over the Diaz household. 1.8 k

Read on ao3

The coffee maker beeps in the kitchen, the sound carrying all the way into the bedroom the second after Eddie turns off his alarm. A cool breeze comes in through the window Eddie left open last night by mistake, and in the couple steps it takes to go from the bed to the door, Eddie has picked up at least six different clothing items, not even all his, from the floor and the chair in the corner that soon gets tossed into the laundry basket. He stops briefly by Christopher’s room to make sure his son is awake (he’s not, and a cranky five more minutes is heard from under the covers) before going into the bathroom to start his own morning routine.

The bright, red firetruck print that greets him has never failed to make him smile, not once ever since one particular Thursday, maybe two years ago now, when Christopher and Buck spent a couple of hours in the mall looking for a birthday present for one of Chris’s friends but bought a very much not needed set of shower curtains instead, along with matching firetruck soap dispenser and cup. They even have little firefighters painted in the tiny plastic windows, and Christopher might be almost twelve now, but the day he gets tired of his Buck’s gift is yet to come.

A month into the school year, the Diaz family’s mornings have looked mostly the same every day, and this fine Monday proves not to be the exception, as Eddie finds out a few minutes later. A certain blond man is still asleep on Eddie’s couch, and instead of doing his workout, Christopher is sprawled on top of him, snoring lightly. Buck’s legs are twisted in an awkward angle to fit in the couch and one of his hands brushes the fluffy carpet beneath the sofa (the one he picked in an attempt to convince Eddie that his house needed personality), the other holding onto Chris, whose face is completely smushed against the other’s shoulder. Bright blue crutches that Chris has started to grow out of lay in a disorganized pile next to them.

(If Eddie’s heart beats a little bit faster- if his hands itch to hold them too and join the sleepy pile, well. They don’t need to know.)

“Alright, sleepy heads, school starts in an hour! Get up!”

-

Eddie owns a perfectly functional coffee maker, a classic machine with only one button and no special features, that makes his coffee the same way every day, and has done so for almost five years without signs of obsolescence. He’s a simple man with simple tastes, but Eddie’s perfect, simple coffee maker, is currently collecting dust inside a box in the attic.

A steaming cup of coffee, however, is waiting for him on the counter when he steps into the kitchen, complete with milk foam, a shot of caramel, and two sugars: the product of the stupidly expensive machine Buck and Chris had plotted to get him, with all the smart features and Starbucks level settings that Eddie did not need. Using the machine is extremely complicated, too, so once Eddie found out how to input the settings for his drink of choice, he stopped allowing anyone to mess with it. Eddie drinks the sweet concoction religiously every morning, without a fault.

He sips on his sugar bomb slowly as Buck cooks breakfast, eggs, and sausages with toast, fruit salad, and a cup of warm milk for the only kid in the house. The sound of the sizzling pan and the knife hitting the cutting board fills the room along with the smell of homemade breakfast, something that screams of home and family, uninterrupted until Christopher shows up fresh from the shower and in clean clothes, with his restless morning energy and promptly sets to chatting their ears off. Buck keeps the conversation alive and gets the boy to help with mixing the fruit salad while he recounts the last episode of their favorite cartoon they had seen together the previous night. Buck makes surprised sounds at the right times, throwing a few "No way! Tell me more!" for good measure, even though Eddie’s pretty sure he remembers the episode perfectly as he asks the right questions to launch Christopher off in another direction at least three times.

Eddie finishes his coffee, leaves the cup in the sink, and turns to the cupboard to start setting the table.

Three days before school started, Christopher told Eddie that he’s big enough to use big people knives and after a long phone call with his son’s Occupational Therapist, and another with his own therapist, they had gone to the store to get him a cutlery set that could allow him more independence while still on the safer side, and Buck had found the perfect one: the knife has a blunt tip and slightly serrated edge, and a round plastic handle decorated with tiny green and blue dinosaurs.

“Daddy, don’t forget the dinosaurs, please,” Christopher asks politely, just like every day, because he refuses to eat with any other fork or knife. Luckily the set came with six of each, so everyone can use them during breakfast as Christopher prefers.

“Yeah, and don’t forget the big spoon for the fruit salad,” Buck chips in, pointedly looking at Eddie. Clearly, he still hasn’t let go of the last few times he has forgotten the big spoon for the fruit salad. In less than five minutes, they’re seated around the table eating, Christopher’s feet kicking excitedly against Eddie’s when they congratulate him for the A he got in his latest science assignment.

Both his son and best friend clear their plates first, smiles on their faces accompanied by crinkled eyes as they laugh. Eddie has to scold Chris on talking with his mouth full only once- a new record, and Buck only twice, tapping him on the hand with the spoon, reminding him to lead by example and not be a terrible influence on the kid. Buck mumbles a sheepish sorry every time, ducking his head in embarrassment, and Eddie just rolls his eyes and shoots him a fond look. He watches them, joins the laughter when Buck teases him, or when Christopher tells a story from school, warmth filling him up from the inside out.

Soon enough, the time’s up and Christopher goes to brush his teeth and get ready to leave while Eddie and Buck load the dishwasher and wipe the countertops, barely any words exchanged as they move around the kitchen. Eddie checks the calendar by the fridge, next to Christopher’s old artwork and the polaroids held up by fruit magnets. PT at 11 am, Frank’s at 3 pm, reads in the bold block letters of Buck’s handwriting, under Eddie’s own scribble of C’s swimming lessons at 3.30 pm. Eddie makes a face at the overlapping schedule, chews on the inside of his cheek. He’s too late to ask Carla to take Christopher for him, as he gave her the week off a few days ago so she could go to DC for a certification. The last few therapy sessions had been at noon, but PT was pushed up to eleven and so his entire schedule was unexpectedly messed up, and Eddie will have to run from the clinic to Christopher’s school and then take him to the pool, but he’s not cleared to drive yet so he has to account for cab ride expenses and a whole new timeframe now, too. God, he should have gotten this figured out yesterday.

Back in El Paso, when Eddie had worked three jobs, he had once forgotten to pick Christopher up at school because his shift ran longer than usual, his phone died and the teachers were unable to reach him at the construction site. His parents had been called instead, being the second emergency contacts, and they had stared him down later at night while they told him all the reasons he was a bad dad and Christopher should live with them. Don’t drag him down with you, Eddie.

A hand lands on his healthy shoulder, right next to the base of his neck, and Eddie looks away from the calendar to meet a pair of bright blue eyes next to him. Buck watches him for a second before opening his mouth, careful.

“Hey, Eds, I noticed today looks a bit tight and I was thinking I could ask Bobby to let me out for an hour so I can go pick Chris up and drive him to his lessons, or maybe ask Maddie if I’m on a call,” he says, and the knots in his throat slowly start to dissolve, as he stares up to his friend’s calm face. His shoulders slowly start to relax, the injured one pulses with pain. The warmth of Buck's fingers makes the little hairs on his nape stand up as he swipes his thumb twice over the patch of uncovered skin in a comforting gesture.

“Yeah, thanks, man,” Eddie chokes out.

Buck smiles, and it’s all it takes. The fog lifts.

“Sure, I’ll text you in case I can’t make it so you can let the school know Mads is going to get him,” Buck continues, but he’s not touching Eddie anymore. Eddie takes a small step back, fidgets with the dishrag he still had in his hands as Buck starts to make his way to the living room, picking up his jacket, “you get to pick him up after, and already I left you guys some leftover stew for tonight's dinner in the fridge," Eddie keeps his eyes on Buck while he talks, takes a few steps closer to his friend, but not close enough. "I have a sixteen-hour today, so you tell Christopher goodnight for me, alright?”

“Of course,” his voice is too tight, and it must show because Buck bites his lip and reaches out his hand again, but doesn’t touch. At that moment Christopher burst back into the living room and yells out as if Buck isn’t right there to hear him.

“I’m ready, Buck!”

With a last smile, Buck turns to the door, putting on his shoes quickly and pulling his bag out of the hallway closet. Eddie leans down to place a smooch on his son’s cheek, which makes him laugh, and throw his head back with a loud “Bye, dad!” in his ear.

“Alright buddy, let’s go, let’s go!” Buck exclaims and Christopher bolts out the door, followed by his Buck, and Eddie stays at the threshold until he can’t see the Jeep past the corner of the street.

It’s barely eight o’clock and he still has chores to get done before PT, but Eddie just drops facefirst into the heap of blankets on top of the couch, drowning in the smell of his family and he aches for the picture he saw earlier that morning, sleep falling slowly over him like another blanket. A short nap is calling his name from the dream world, and the last thing he sees before going under is his pillbox for the pain meds next to a bottle of water, a pink post-it note stuck on the tag, big bold letters were carefully written on it. I know you forget but please take these before leaving home! xx. Buck.

Eddie falls.

[tempestaurora]

Hi, don't know if you're still doing this but:

2 royal + 52 Marriage of Convenience 

Eddie and Buck 911

2: Royal Au + 52: Marriage of Convenience

alright i've read like four of these in the past two days so i've been trying to think up something original

personally, i'd tell the story of the buckleys, rulers of some made up country like genovia. the buckley king and queen, phillip and margaret, had three children: daniel, madeline and evan. tragically, their eldest grew sick at a young age, and prince evan was born in an attempt to save his life (although the family would never admit that to the world); evan's spare parts, however, must have been defective, for the young prince daniel died, leaving madeline as the heir to the throne

now, here's the thing about being royal: it sucks. no one tells you it sucks, but it does, and madeline (or maddie, as she prefers) and evan know this first hand, especially as maddie grows older and has to start looking for a husband

in walks doug kendall, a neurosurgeon, and by god does the country love him

so much so that evan, once old enough, decides to start travelling, start going around the world, because it's not like he'll be missed, right? he may be the country's beloved prince evan (the brightest smile and biggest heart of any royal they've ever known) - but he's not needed for day-to-day things

so he travels, and when he does, he does it in disguise. no guards, no royal escorts, no private planes. he even goes by buck, because its easier that way - and its not like genovia is a big country, so its not like he's going to get recognised

he's on a tour of the united states when he reaches el paso, texas, where a young eddie diaz, recently abandoned and divorced by his wife, and father to a four-year-old christopher, are struggling to make end's meet

one of eddie's three jobs is as a bartender at the bar that buck wanders into

and by god can they not stop staring at each other

i mean, a hot bartender with just the right amount of stubble who holds himself with innate confidence

and a hot patron with a birthmark above his left eye and an open smile like sunshine is just flooding out of him?

they get to talking real quick

and although buck doesn't mention being a prince, he stays at the bar long enough to hear all about eddie's life and current troubles (isn't the patron supposed to vent to the bartender? buck asks. hey i listen to people vent all the time, eddie replies, it's rightfully my turn)

and well, buck has an idea - a dumb idea, because he's a bit drunk, but an idea all the same

we should get married, buck says

what

buck shrugs. if i'm hearing you right, you just got divorced, your parents are threatening to take away your child - aka the light of your life - and you need insurance and money. if we get married, you're no longer a single dad working three jobs with no insurance - i dunno man sounds like a good idea to me

and eddie's not usually one to do stupid, reckless things, and he fully expects this to backfire in a ridiculous way, but goddammit - he's twenty six, he's allowed to do dumb shit occasionally, and buck is something he definitely wants to do

it takes a few weeks (they both think the other will back out, but neither does) and buck has to get a lot of things sorted privately and quietly, especially in regards to marriage licenses and visas, but idk he's a prince he can fast track that shit, but then the two of them are getting married at a court house, with just christopher and eddie's sisters to witness

(eddie hears buck's name as evan buckley for the first time on the day they get married; he does not recognise it in the slightest. he doesn't care about royals.)

(in those few weeks, eddie is blown away (and a little in love) with how good buck is with chris; there are several near-misses with either of them shirtless, fresh from the shower, or dressed up in a suit; and at least nine moments where they almost kissed but didn't and thought the other didn't want to)

helena and ramon, by the way, are pissed

eddie is thrilled

and everything's great - buck moves into eddie's house, ending his tour of america then and there in el paso; signs lots of documents and makes lots of phone calls; listens to eddie talk about the idea of moving to LA, of being a firefighter, of doing something he's proud of

and after one night when buck carries christopher to bed and tucks him in, eddie watching from the doorway, they return to the living room for eddie to immediately kiss him

buck kisses back, of course

its the next day that the news drops: prince evan buckley of genovia has secretly married a single father in texas

eddie finds out through the newspaper. he looks between it, then buck, then it, and says: what

and buck goes for a smile and says, surprise?

eddie's annoyed for like a minute and a half, but buck is too delightful and charming to be mad at for long.

buck's parents, on the other hand - boy can they hold a grudge

the story ends like this: buck and eddie travel to genovia with christopher; they introduce him around the family, around the country, and genovia is still surprised, but ultimately endeared by the family prince evan has made for himself, unaware that it was built on a dumb, drunk idea.

(what happens when they find out? eddie asks quietly, one night. why would they find out? buck replies. we're married, eddie, and not to be embarrassing - but i've got a massive crush on you, so i'm happy to see where this takes us)

in the epilogue, buck denounces his claim to the throne to move to the usa, LA specifically, and live with christopher and eddie there. maddie follows not long after, publicly divorcing her abusive husband and needing some time away. she eventually goes back, because being a royal may suck, but she's still instilled with a sense of duty towards her people - however, when she returns, many years later, upon her parents' abdication so that she may take the throne, she brings her husband, chimney, and their daughter, jee-yun with her

by that point, of course, eddie and buck are very happy, very in love, and are no longer married out of convenience, but joy

Send me two (2) tropes from this list + a ship and I’ll describe how I’d combine them in the same story.

[hexensalbei]

“Weʼve made a horrible mistake”, Buck says when Eddie hands him over new bottle of beer. Diaz doesnʼt even have to look up or turn around to know what Buckʼs been talking about. Or rather who.

“Youʼre absolutely right. Theyʼre up to something. Definitely nothing good”, he sighs heavily and his eyes finally land on the three women sitting on the couch and talking about something very vigorously. “They looked at me when I went to the kitchen. And now theyʼre looking at us. Again.”

“We shouldnʼt have let them meet. Like ever”, Buck agrees. He has a strong feeling that it will bite them in the ass. Very soon. In this moment, Sophia looks at them with a grin on her face and Eddie just groans.

“Theyʼre scheming. I know the look and I shouldʼve predicted this because my sisters are always meddling. Although I didnʼt expect Maddie to be so eager to join them”, he adds and thereʼs a hint of accusation in his voice.

“You clearly donʼt know her that well. Believe me, that nice girl look is just a facade. Sheʼs horrible”, Buck declares and then laughs at his friend's horrified expression.

“You mean she's even worse than you?” asks Eddie playfully after a while.

“You are so sleeping on the couch tonight, Diaz”, Buck deadpans, elbowing him lightly. Heʼs not really offended; he likes to bicker with him and theyʼre both in very good mood. Theyʼre at the party at Grant-Nash house, surrounded by friends and they can truly enjoy their night off.

“It kinda implies that weʼre sleeping together in one bed so we should work on that first. And then you can kick me off to the couch”, Eddie winks at him and grins.

They hear someoneʼs gagging (most likely to be Chim) and Henʼs muttering Lord help me from behind but they don't really pay attention to it. Theyʼre only focused on each other now, which happens fairly often when they get carried away with the flirting. Recently, it got even more shameless—and, god, they love to tease each other and make innuendos. Eddie loves how easy and natural it is—he was never a cocky playboy type and flirting wasnʼt his best skills. But with Buck... He just canʼt help himself. Not if his best friend responds the way he does.

“So...”, Eddie says and his eyes travel to Buckʼs lips who wets them unintentionally. He fights the urge to capture them with his mouth because Buckʼs his best friend and he canʼt kiss him in the room full of people. Not that he can kiss him when theyʼre alone.

Someone clears throat loudly and the tension is broken. Eddie blinks and looks around—he feels quite embarrassed because once again he let himself fantasise about Buck—and he meets Maddieʼs very knowing smirk. He hopes he doesnʼt have his feelings written all over his face and she didnʼt pick them up.

“Iʼm going to the bathroom”, announces Buck suddenly and he gets up suspiciously quickly and practically runs away to the place.

Eddie wonders if he should go after him. He wants to; heʼs not sure how it would end. He doesnʼt even have the time to decide because his sisters got up and theyʼre going in his direction.

“Whereʼs your loverboy?”, asks Sophia, nudging him softly to move a little bit to make more room for her and Adriana.

“He, uh, went to the bathroom”, Eddie rubs off his neck; he still feels embarrassed and heʼs sure that if he was pale, his cheeks would have been red as Adrianaʼs dress sheʼs wearing tonight.

“I hope he will come back quickly, I havenʼt got a chance to talk with him yet” says Adriana, “although I think Maddie will be my new favourite Buckley.”

“I wonder why”, Eddie snorts and looks around to find Buckʼs sister but thereʼs no sign of her and he suspects she went off to see her brother. “You three were plotting, werenʼt you?”

“Thatʼs very serious accusation, Eddie. Iʼd be very careful with making any. You donʼt know what can we do in revenge”. Sophiaʼs voice is amused, teasing; almost as usually. But Eddie knows Diaz women too well and he picks up something more, something he canʼt even name yet.

“We were just making friends”, adds Adriana and she shrugs her arms. “I am really glad I got to meet your coworkers. Theyʼre wonderful people. And Buck has an amazing sister.”

“Yeah, Maddieʼs great”, agrees Eddie. He realises, heʼs quite close to both of Buckley siblings—despite what Buck says—because he spends with them most of his free time. Obviously, Buckʼs his favourite but Maddie has slowly become his third sister. And Christopher adores her almost as much as her brother. Buckleys have that effect on people, he thinks with fondness. He seriously has no idea what would he do without them. Theyʼre really making his life better in many ways. He drifted away with his thoughts so he tries to focus on conversation heʼs in. “Although I wish you wouldnʼt try to convince her to join you with your evil plans.”

Both Sophia and Adriana laugh, looking at his brother with very amused, almost identical expression.

“Oh Edmundo, whereʼs your trust? Why are you always assume weʼre plotting?”, asks Sophia very innocently.

“Or that we are the oneʼs to convince Maddie to do the bad things. Have you thought maybe itʼs the other way around?”, adds Adriana.

She has a point, though, but Eddie doesnʼt want to believe them. Maddie has to be less evil than his sisters. He still hasnʼt figured out yet why were they scheming or whoʼs gonna be their next victim but he has a hunch.

Thankfully, he spots Buckʼs coming back which saves him from replying to his sisters. His best friend still looks slightly embarrassed; the tips of his ears are red and it piques Eddieʼs interest. Then, he notices Maddieʼs right behind him and she looks very pleased. Both Buckleys stop by the couch Diaz siblings are sitting at.

“Eddie, would you mind drive Buck to his apartment? Heʼs not feeling that well and I donʼt want him go alone”, Maddie asks. Buck rolls his eyes and he looks mildly irritated now.

“I donʼt feel bad”, he scoffs. “And Iʼm an adult, I can go back to my home alone.”

“Itʼs not a problem”, reassures him Eddie, getting up from the couch. Itʼs true; helping Buck is never a problem. Plus, itʼs very good excuse to talk to him alone. Somewhere when his sisters wouldnʼt eavesdrop. Or their coworkers. “Letʼs go. Addie, Soph, Iʼll come back and take you home too.”

“Oh, no need. Weʼll get an Uber”, Adriana says and Eddie only nods.

He goes to Bobby and Athena to say goodbye and then shoots a look in Buckʼs direction. The blonde follows him quietly and Eddie really wants to know why his mood changed that quickly.

They step outside; itʼs a warm, cloudless night—perfect for romantic dates including stargazing.

“Are you OK?”, asks Eddie when theyʼre in Eddieʼs truck. His voice is filled with concern and he tries to read his friendʼs mind but he doesnʼt even look up.

“Iʼm fine”, Buck mumbles, his eyes still focused on his knees as if there was something more interesting to observe than look into Eddieʼs eyes.

“Youʼre not. Something has happened when you went to the bathroom, I know it. Was it Maddie? Did she tell you something?”, Eddie doesnʼt buy this shit and heʼs determined to find out the truth. “Buck”, he pats his knee gently. “What did she say?”

“Itʼs—uhm—itʼs not really that awful. She...”, Buck bites his tongue but eventually, he decides to go on and he looks at Eddie. “She was just teasing me too much and I got annoyed.”

“My awful sisters probably encouraged her to annoy you a little bit”, admits Eddie and then smiles at his best friend. “At least she has let you go and now you can do whatever you want. You wanna go with me? Christopherʼs probably asleep but I have your favourite beer. And you can crash on my couch.”

Eddieʼs invitation is very spontaneous; he didnʼt plan to spend the rest of evening with Buck but if thereʼs a chance to even just watch movie with him and then go to sleep, heʼll gladly take it.

“Deal.” Buckʼs response is almost immediate and his grin is almost blinding.

—☾—

Buckley-Diaz sisters grand scheme reminds about itself when Eddie gets an invitation to his sisters in El Paso. Heʼs not the only one, though. Buck and Maddie also are invited.

“Why would they invite both me and Maddie? Maddie already said yes, she takes Joy and Chim with us”, complains Buck when theyʼre cleaning firetruck on the shift. “Anyway, are you OK with me and Maddie visiting your family?”

“Why would I be not OK with it? Itʼs not like you donʼt know them already. My parents will be thrilled to see you”, says Eddie. “And Iʼm glad youʼll be here. At least I wonʼt have to face Sophia, Adriana and Maddie alone. You have to suffer with me”, he adds and winks at his best friend.

He knows this invitation has something to do with the party at Grant-Nash house when their sisters have met. And that both Sophia and Adriana have some wicked ideas involving him and Buck probably too but he still wants Buck by his side.

“Great, so Iʼm only there to be traumatised by your sisters instead of you?”, jokes Buck and kicks Eddie in the shin.

“Ow, that hurts, Buckley!”, Eddie hisses and still smiles despite the pain.

“Quit pulling pigtails, dinnerʼs almost ready”, they hear Chimʼs voice from above and they immediately raise their heads.

“Fine, weʼre going”, sighs Eddie and waits until Chimʼs gone to look at Buck. “Seriously, Iʼm glad they invited you too. I mean, we have to be careful but I still think itʼll be nice weekend.”

—☾—

Itʼs nice indeed. Drive to El Paso was long and exhausting but theyʼve managed to survive without serious injuries (although Joy really tried to make them deaf and she only felt asleep in Buckʼs arms). Sophia and Adriana welcomed them with a huge smiles and amazing food. Theyʼve decided to put Maddie with Chim and Joy in Adrianaʼs house to sleep and Buck wouldʼve slept with Eddie and Chris in Sophiaʼs house. And now, theyʼre just hanging out. Itʼs late and all kids are already asleep (Addieʼs husband offered to take care of them, even Joy) so adults can let themselves loosen up a little bit.

“So who wants to play Truth or Dare?”, asks Sophia, nursing bottle of beer in her hands. Sheʼs already slightly drunk, just as the rest of them—minus Maddie whoʼs feeding the baby so she prefers not to have alcohol in her bloodstream.

“Oh, Iʼm definitely in”, says Chimney, raising his hand up as if he wants to make sure everyone heard him.

“And so am I. I used to play it in high school before I met Doug and I kinda forgot how to have proper fun”. Thereʼs hint of nostalgia in Maddieʼa voice but she smiles brightly anyway. Adriana says yes and Buck replies me too without even thinking.

Itʼs Eddie who hesitates. Oh, heʼs definitely having fun and he appreciates that his sisters made it happen. Itʼs just—

He noticed earlier how Maddie disappeared with his sisters and they were back after half of an hour and they kept talking in a hushed voices whenever they saw him or Buck. Which is very suspicious; not to mention that Sophia and Adriana have been teasing him about his feelings for Buck even more in the past weeks. He hasnʼt told them but theyʼre not stupid and he hasnʼt been exactly subtle when it comes to showing affection to Buck. Heʼs afraid that they might say something stupid, something that Buck will figure out. And he doesnʼt want it—heʼs okay with them being only friends—anything that doesnʼt ruin what theyʼve already built.

“Iʼll pass”, he finally says and heʼs met with five disappointed gazes. They can be disappointed now but they will forget about it as soon as they sober up, right?

“Iʼve never pegged you as a coward.”

Of course itʼs Buck who says this sentence. Eddie looks at him and regrets it. Buckʼs smirking and thereʼs challenge in his eyes. Eddie knows this look by now because itʼs not the first time Buck makes him do something stupid and reckless.

“Fine, Iʼm in”, he lets out a heavy sigh and rolls his eyes. He really needs to learn how to not take a bait from Buckley.

“Excellent!”, sings Sophia and the game begins.

—☾—

One hour later theyʼre more drunk and very, very giggly. Questions and tasks get more crazy and hilarious—but they donʼt back off and do everything with a smiles on their faces. Eddieʼs now sure he was completely wrong about the scheme until he decides to take dare instead of truth and itʼs Sophiaʼs turn to come up with the task.

“I dare you to... Kiss Buck!”

Eddie almost drops his bottle of beer. He mustʼve misheard this, right? Thereʼs no way Sophia wouldʼve done this. He looks at her and she doesnʼt shy away. “Should I repeat the dare?”, she asks instead, making very innocent face.

“No” comes out of his mouth and heʼs surprised how hoarse his voice is.

“Soph, I donʼt think this is a good idea”, he hears Buckʼs voice but he doesnʼt register the words. Then Buck turns around to face him and his eyes are filled with worry and concern but thereʼs something else. Maybe hope? Eddie doesnʼt know how to name it. “If youʼre not comfortable with it, then donʼt do it”, Buck says quietly.

“Are you? I mean, not comfortable?”, Eddie manages only to whisper. They donʼt notice that rest of their group is so quiet like theyʼre not even here. Once again theyʼre only focused on each other; somehow theyʼre so close to each other thereʼs barely a free space between them.

“I donʼt think Iʼd ever be uncomfortable with you kissing me”, Buck simply states and itʼs everything Eddie needs to hear. He closes the space between them and kisses him. Firstly, itʼs very tentative—like Eddieʼs still not sure if itʼs the things his best friend wants. But Buck isnʼt the one to chicken out. He grabs him by the collar of his shirt and brings him closer as he deepens the kiss. It quickly becomes more heated—Eddie moans softly when Buck slides his tongue into his mouth. Buck pushes him slightly to be able to straddle him and they accidentally roll over abandoned beer bottle.

They break apart laughing and they finally notice that thereʼs nobody but them in the living room.

“Uh, when did they go out?”, asks Buck and Eddieʼs in awe when he sees his disheveled hair, swollen lips and pink-tinted cheeks. Itʼs amazing look on him, he thinks.

“I donʼt care”, he says and grins mischievously. “Maybe our sisters were right to meddle because Iʼm pretty sure that was their intention.”

“Thank God they did that because you would never kiss, wouldnʼt you?”, mocks Buck but heʼs quickly silenced by another kiss.

Maybe sometimes having sisters isnʼt that bad.

Find it on ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30619118