#buck and eddie in a house in el paso in rooms that are right next to each other. both headboards of their beds up against the shared wall

[originalcrime]

fic where buck follows eddie to el paso, ostensibly to help him get settled, and then doesn’t leave. and doesn’t leave. also his name is on the deed. also he picked the new tile for the kitchen backsplash. also at some point they started kissing on the mouth

[setmeatopthepyre]

fuck it friday

not tagged by anyone 'cause I'm being the change I want to see in the world etc etc etc

from pothos | pathos pt 1 | pt 2 | pt 3 | pt 4 | pt 5

-

Eddie is on his couch, aimlessly swiping through housing listings, vaguely hoping that the next generic wide-angle picture of a soulless sunny living room will suddenly give him all the answers he needs, when the doorbell rings.

He opens the door without looking. He gets as far as “I’m still all out of flour from last time--" when he realizes it’s not Buck on his doorstep at all. It takes a second because he's not used to seeing the captain of the 122 in anything other than a suit or a set of turnouts. “Deluca?” he says, surprised. “I thought poker night was next week.”

“I ain’t here to clear you out this time, Diaz,��� Deluca says.

Eddie huffs. As if. The man barely has a filter and that translates fairly directly to the efficacy of his poker face.

“Are you gonna let me in, or what?”

“Sure. If you tell me to what I owe the visit.” Eddie’s already stepping aside, letting him in.

Deluca strides in like he owns the place, crossing his arms as he takes in the living room. “Is it just you?”

“Yes…?” he says slowly, following him in. He snatches his nearly-empty bottle from the table, lifts it and points from the bottle to Deluca in the universally understood gesture for you want one?

“Yeah, sure,” he says.

Deluca doesn’t offer up an explanation for his presence as Eddie cracks open two bottles of beer, hands one off to the man still standing in his living room like he’s trying to decide if he wants to be there at all, and sinks down onto the couch again for lack of anything better to do.

Deluca doesn’t sit, but he does take a long swig of his beer and narrow his eyes at Eddie. Finally he asks, “You seen Tommy?”

Eddie nods. “Couple of days ago. Why?”

“Any clue what the hell is wrong with him?”

What, this guy, too? Eddie rubs at his eyes. “How about you tell me why you’re asking?”

Deluca glares at him some more, seems to come to some decision, and sinks down on the other side of the couch with a huff. “He skipped out on my little girl’s birthday.”

Eddie blinks. He isn't sure what he’d been expecting, maybe something more akin to Buck’s vague hunches, but not… this.

He does vaguely recall the subject of Deluca’s kids coming up at poker night, though. Racks his brain for a second. “You’ve got three kids, right?”

Deluca eyes him for a second, but it’s less of a glare this time. “Yeah. Two girls and a boy. Oldest just turned ten, youngest is three.”

“Huh,” is all Eddie finds himself saying. Thinks for a moment, again, of Christopher, of the birthday party Eddie only got glimpses of over a video call. He really needs to stop procrastinating and just pick a damn house. Maybe he should just go to El Paso and see from there.

But this isn’t about him.

“And… Tommy usually goes to your kids’ birthday parties?”

“Goddamn right he does. He’s their favorite uncle.”

Uncle? “Hold on, you guys are…?”

“Jesus H. Christ, Diaz,” Deluca says with a roll of his eyes. “Do you want a copy of my family tree? No, we ain’t related, but we might as well be.”

Eddie raises a hand in surrender. The guy’s clearly passionate about this.

“The important thing is,” Deluca continues, eyes intense and jabbing a finger in Eddie’s direction, “The man has showed up to every single goddamn birthday and big event, and now he skips Sophie’s big ten? Something’s goin’ on.”

There’s a simple solution to that, if you ask Eddie. “Did you ask him about it?”

“Who the hell do you think I am? Of course I did. You know what he did?” Eddie gets the feeling he’s not actually expected to answer and Deluca proves him right. “He goddamn apologized.”

He frowns. “I don’t know man, that seems… reasonable?”

Deluca gets to his feet with a grunt of frustration, starts pacing. “Don’t be an idiot, Diaz. You have any clue what Tommy does when he knows he’s fucked up?” It’s another rhetorical question. “One of three things,” Deluca says, raises one finger. “Either he gets defensive and turns into the world’s most sarcastic asshole--” A second finger goes up. “He turns into a pathetic pile of misery and then moves heaven and earth to make things right--" Third finger. “Or he shuts down completely. What he doesn’t do is fuckin' apologize and then pleasantly ask me if Sophie had a nice day. So you better tell me now, what the hell did Buckley do to him?”

“Now hold on,” Eddie sets his bottle down, gets to his feet as well. “Buckley--- Buck didn’t do anything.”

“Yeah? Then why the hell does Tommy tell me they’ve broken up and then turn into a fucking pod person?”

Eddie sighs. He’s pretty sure he’s getting a migraine or something. “You better ask him, because he broke up with Buck, not the other way around.”

Deluca falters, mouth snapping shut from where he’d looked about ready to yell at him some more. “What?”

Eddie raises his eyebrows, shrugs.

“That goddamned idiot,” Deluca mutters.

-

tagging @sugarpenchant @beanarie @rcmclachlan @emphasisonthehomo @rimatsu @trombonechurchill @leashybebes @geddyqueer @ambernotember

tag list for those who requested tags for this fic under the cut ↓

@fiyaerrigan @bisexualbrainrots @leashybebes @louuieferrignojr @rubydaiquiri @teabroomsandbooks @crimsonwildcat-blog @sweaters-and-silly @nochance-noway @manifestingchaoticvibes @hyperfocusthusly @frogsinflannel @beanarie @rcmclachlan @sad-girl-hours23 @ambernotember @apartmentsmoke @bidisasterevankinard @agentpeggycartering @eliotwaughdeservesbetter @daughterofscotland

let me know if you wanna be added or removed!

[heygirltimeformorning]

can i go where you go

This is inspired by this text post from @buckdiazlafd - thank you thank you thank you - and is posted with their permission.

enjoy~*

*

The last 24-hours have been a real shit-show. Buck is pretty sure Eddie being crushed by a mudslide less than 48 hours after announcing he was looking at houses in El Paso is a sign from the universe that Eddie should not move to El Paso, but Buck’s learned not to bring the universe up with Eddie, because Eddie doesn’t believe in the universe, not like that, and, well, Buck had major mine flashbacks when Eddie had shot him one wild, helpless look, and then disappeared under, like, ten feet of mud.

Maybe that’s dramatic. Buck hadn’t whipped out his ruler (he doesn’t carry a ruler -- quit looking at him like that, Chim) to measure how many feet of mud it had been, but it had been enough that something icy and cold and really fucking terrible had grabbed ahold of Buck’s heart and squeezed, and Buck had thought: not again, you bitch at the universe, because Eddie might not believe in the universe, but Buck does, and Buck has learned to have a healthy respect for the universe and all its screaming.

The point is: Eddie had been crushed by mud and debris, and Buck (because he’s Buck) had dug through the mud until his fingers were bleeding (stop looking at him like that, Bobby) to get to him, hauling him out of the ground like one of those Harry Potter plants, only Eddie hadn’t been screaming, he’d been silent, and Buck’s chest felt like it was caving in.

It turns out that getting crushed by 10 feet of mud (or however much mud and debris Eddie had been crushed by -- again, Buck hadn’t had his ruler stop looking at him like that, Chim -- is not exactly compatible with life. Eddie hadn’t been dead -- Buck’s heart plummets to his toes and starts screaming like one of the Harry Potter plants at the thought of that -- but he’d been hurt badly enough to need surgery and Buck had sat in the waiting room next to Bobby, hair wet and plastered to his forehead, looking pitiful enough that Hen had wrapped one of the emergency blankets around his shoulders, which really completed the look, and thought if Eddie dies, I have to move to El Paso for Christopher which, look.

It’s not like Buck hadn’t thought about moving to El Paso when Eddie had dropped that particular bomb in his life a day or so ago (Eddie had said he was looking at houses in El Paso, and Buck had thought please stay please stay please stay - I’ll come with you before he said Eddie needed help finding houses) but it hadn’t been moving to El Paso to take care of Chris because Eddie had been killed by ten feet (or whatever, fuck off, Chim) of mud. That wasn’t the plan.

Buck isn’t sure what the plan was, but El Paso wasn’t involved, not beyond getting Chris’ punk ass back to LA, and the mudslide killing Eddie also wasn’t part of the plan -- but Eddie wasn’t dead (not-dead, not-dead, not-dead, his heart echoes) and El Paso was put on hold and Chris -- fuck. He hadn’t thought about Chris. Well, he had -- Chris is always just kind of in the back of his mind -- but he hadn’t thought about the mudslide and Eddie and Chris as like, a unit, and, well. Fuck.

That isn’t a problem he has to solve right now, he thinks. That isn’t something he has to do right now. Eventually? Yes. He needs to tell Chris that Eddie was crushed by a mudslide, and that he had surgery and that -- that -- what? That he needs to get his punk ass back to LA? Ideally, yes. Point being: that isn’t something Buck has to solve right now.

What he does have to solve right now is the fact that Hen has brought him a tshirt and a pair of sweats from the firehouse and is giving him one of her mom looks (Buck feels bad for Denny and Mara), pointing to the bathroom with a look that said that if Buck didn’t go of his own volition, he’d be taken there by force, and Buck did have one very confusing sex dream about Hen once (when he first started at the firehouse), but he doesn’t want to get on her bad side (her worse side), so he takes the clothes and goes.

Hen makes him drink a coffee, a bottle of water, and a sandwich, because she’s a bossy lesbian, and then Buck sits and waits, and thinks about the universe and Eddie and screaming. And Chris. He thinks about Chris, too, and when the surgeon comes out and says Diaz, Buck stands up so fast he knocks his half-empty cup of coffee over because he’s never been great at coordinating his limbs, but Hen takes care of it for him and Bobby has a hand on his shoulder, and the surgeon says everything went well, he’s still pretty out of it, but he’ll be okay and something finally loosens in Buck’s chest.

And then the nurse shows him back to Eddie’s room, and Buck has kind of gotten used to this - he thinks he knows what to expect - but then  he gets to the door of the room and Eddie’s face splits into an easy grin -- he’s so much lighter like this (yes, Chim, without the 10 feet of mud, but also metaphorically) -- and Buck’s breath catches in his chest and, look.

Buck has known he’s in love with Eddie since Eddie opened the door in a pink oxford and tighty-whiteys, mustache-less and flushed with joy, so beautiful it’s like a physical ache Buck can press his thumb into, make it hurt when he’s alone, when he’s alone in his loft and it’s night and he’s hard and just once, he’ll just think about him once, nobody has to know -- Buck has known, is the point. Buck is a little slow on the uptake, but he isn’t stupid, and he’s known he’s in love with Eddie Diaz. It’s just. Well, what do people do when they’re in love with their straight best friends? Google says get over it -- so Buck’s trying. Only when he steps into Eddie’s hospital room and Eddie beams at him like Buck is the best thing he’s ever seen, well, fuck. Google didn’t have any advice about that.

“There he is,” Eddie half-slurs, and he’s smiling like -- like -- well, Buck doesn’t have a metaphor for this, because Eddie makes his brain feel like it’s on fire, like the Inside Out people in his brain are trying to process and come up with an emotion and the only thing they have to offer is: yes. Him. That one. Want. which is not exactly helpful. 

“H-Hey, bud,” Buck manages, unsticking his tongue from the roof of his mouth, sitting down next to Eddie’s bed. Eddie’s hospital gown is slipping off his shoulders, and he’s still got the nasal cannula on, and he’s blinking slowly, and his pupils are huge, but he’s smiling and Buck’s heart keeps malfunctioning. “How’re you feeling?”

“Better now you’re here,” Eddie says, and he’s so light like this, and Buck freezes. One of the Inside Out people in his brain is shredding everything Buck knows to make room for this moment, for Eddie’s joy, unbridled and bright, spilling out across them. “Fuck, you’re handsome,” he says, shaking his head, turning to the nurse when she, smirking, goes to check his lines. “Isn’t he handsome? I told you, didn’t I? I told -- I told you.”

Buck is pretty sure his brain is offline. There’s been a gas leak or something, and all the Inside Out people are dead, because he hadn’t considered this -- hadn’t considered any of this. What was supposed to happen was Buck was supposed to come back here, curls fluffy and air-dried, in his borrowed sweats, with coffee breath, and Eddie would be still and quiet in the bed, and Buck would sit down and shove down every single feeling he’s ever had about Eddie because Eddie is straight and he’d try to convince himself that the feelings he has for Eddie are purely platonic (knowing they aren’t) and Eddie would wake up and ask about Chris and - and -- look, Buck knows how this goes, and Eddie being higher than a kite and spilling joy like he hadn’t been pulled like a half-dead mandrake from the mud six hours ago by Buck isn’t how it goes.

Maybe he’s dreaming, he thinks. Maybe this is some fucked up dream his brain has created to help deal with the inevitable moving of Eddie to El Paso. Maybe he’s finally lost it, and now he won’t be able to look Eddie in the eye for, like, a day, because all he’ll be able to think about is in the dream you loved me enough to stay and Buck doesn’t want to be that selfish and he’s ashamed that his subconscious is.

But then the nurse laughs and says: “You did tell me,” in the tone of voice people use with little kids and patients high on pain medications. “I half-expected Brad Pitt to walk in here, the way you were carrying on,” she adds, and Buck’s cheeks flush. 

“Psh,” Eddie says, and his eyes are slow to track, but they drift back across the room, from the nurse to Buck, and Buck feels something squeeze in his chest. “Buck’s so much better than Brad Pitt,” he says, and Buck’s hand is on the side of the bed, because that’s what you do when someone’s in the hospital, you rest a hand on the side of their bed, and they look over at you, and you say I was so worried and they say something fucked up like I’m not worth worrying about and -- but Buck’s brain short-circuits then, because Eddie laces their fingers together, and Buck can’t even blink because what the fuck kind of hallucination is this?

The nurse shoots Buck a fond little look, and finishes whatever she’s doing with the medications. “Alright, Mr. Diaz,” she says and Eddie rolls his head to the side to look up at her. “That pain medication should hold you for awhile - but you just have your partner--” Buck’s heart leaps into his throat, and he can’t say anything, he can’t even blink -- “grab me if you need something else, alright?”

Eddie turns back to Buck. “Hear that?” he asks, like the nurse isn’t still standing right there. “She thinks we’re partners. Like, actual partners.” He waggles his eyebrows, and forget blinking, Buck can’t breathe. “Like I’d be so lucky.”

“We’ll -- we’ll let you know if we need anything,” Buck says, and his voice is high-pitched and unnatural sounding, but it’s literally the best he can do under the circumstances, because what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck Eddie is holding his hand and calling him handsome and hot and seems -- well, whatever this is -- about them being partners in the sense that gay people and woke straight people use. The nurse is gone with a rasp of the curtain and a flick of the lights, and then Buck and Eddie are alone -- well, in a manner of speaking -- and Eddie’s looking at Buck like - like - like that.

“You should rest,” Buck says finally, when he manages to peel the Inside Out people in his brain off the ceiling. “You need to rest, you were -- I pulled you out of the mud. Like a mandrake.”

Eddie frowns at the reference, a confused little divot between his brows, but then he grins, shrugging a shoulder. The hospital gown slips off his shoulder a little bit more. Slut, Buck’s brain supplies when Buck thinks about biting that shoulder, which is so inappropriate in at least five ways Buck can think of off the top of his head. “You’re always saving me,” he says, and his words are tripping together in a way that says he probably won’t be awake much longer.

“Yeah, well, that’s my job, right?” Buck says, picking over the words carefully, like he’s disarming a bomb. Eddie’s still holding his hand. Buck isn’t exactly doing anything to discourage the hand holding, and then he feels dirty and wrong and like a pervert. “Gotta keep you alive,” he adds quietly, and pulls his hand back very carefully.

Eddie tightens his fingers around Buck’s. “Gotta -- look like a hot badass doing it,” he says with a little grin. “Shame I’m usually unconscious. I bet it’s really sexy, all the -- mangrove pulling.”

Buck’s still focused on the fact that he’d tried to pull his hand away and Eddie had, essentially, said no, so it takes him a minute to catch up -- tripping first over hot badass and then sexy and by the time he gets to the missed reference of mandrake, he barely manages to say: “uh-huh” in response.

“Is that right? Mangrove?” Eddie asks with a frown. “That doesn’t sound right. What did you call me? A man- a man --”

“Mandrake,” Buck says -- croaks, and Eddie nods. 

“Right,” Eddie says, “Mandrake. Whatever that is. Is it cute, at least?” he asks, grinning at Buck again, and Buck’s heart is malfunctioning again.

“Uh,” Buck says, very eloquently, and then he’s saved from having to say anything else by the arrival of Hen and Chim and Bobby, all of whom seem to notice the hand-holding, and chalk it up to either something they don’t need to address right now, or something that is just so uniquely buckandeddie that it doesn’t phase them, and Buck is so thankful that the universe decided to give him half a break, because Chimney giving Eddie a shovel talk about his baby brother in law while Eddie’s high on pain medication is not something Buck is capable of coping with right now. Only then, as Bobby, Hen, and Chimney file in, Eddie’s face breaks into one of those heartbreakingly beautiful smiles and Buck thinks: shit because high-on-pain-medication Eddie is either incredibly gay, incredible horny, incredibly unfiltered, or all of the above.

“Hey guys,” Eddie says, lifting the hand that doesn’t have a grip on Buck’s. “Hey, does Buck look -- like, really sexy when he’s pulling me like a mangrove?” and Buck is pretty sure they could use his face to power a small compound because what the fuck, Eddie. 

“Pulling a what?” Chimney asks, and thank every single god there is for Bobby because he clears his throat and steps in.

“Sounds like you’re in good hands, Eddie,” Bobby says in that calm, measured way of his. “We just wanted to check on you. We’ll see you tomorrow. Get some rest,” he says, and then he gives Chimney and Hen one of his dad looks -- which trumps Hen’s bossy lesbian looks -- and marches them out, but not before Eddie smirks and says: oh, I’m in great hands.

(24 hours later, when the pain medication has worn off and Eddie has come down a bit, when Buck realizes this hasn’t just been some strange stress dream as a reaction to Eddie moving to El Paso, when Chimney has text Buck approximately 74 times, Eddie says I meant it and something in Buck’s chest splits open, spills out between them, and Eddie is blushing, and Buck is blushing, but they kiss anyway, and Buck says go get Chris’ punk ass -- but stay and Eddie says only if you keep saving me and Buck says only because you saved me first and he thinks: take that, universe.)

*

you can also read this on the ao3 :)

[ivegotyourbackbuddie]

Being in the Diaz home without Chris around is… weird.

Really there are hundreds of different words that Buck could use to explain the absence, but weird is what fits best at the moment.

It’s not like he and Eddie haven’t hung out alone in the house while Christopher had been at school or a friend’s house. But knowing that Chris is states away with no confirmed return date… it’s weird.

They haven’t really spoken about it much - avoiding Eddie’s house, wordlessly going to Buck’s equally empty apartment that nonetheless contains less of Chris’s essence.

Of course, it’s still there. They avoid the gaming system, the drawer filled with Chris’s clothes, the bin full of Lego’s…

But at Eddie’s, it’s not like they can just… avoid the whole house.

Which is why Buck was surprised to get a message from Eddie reading Come over? Which Buck had replied omw while racing to get his shoes on.

He had let himself in with his key, calling out for Eddie only to get no response which set off all the alarm bells in Buck’s head. He forced himself to stay calm, trying not to think of the time he had rushed over there only to find a scared Chris outside a room Eddie had taken apart piece by piece as if trying to represent the brokenness he felt within.

“Eddie?” Buck calls out again, trying to ignore the way his voice wavers as he paces through the house opening the door to Eddie’s room and finding it all in one piece. He sighs in relief but tenses again when he still doesn’t see Eddie. But then it hits him exactly where he is.

He slowly walks down the hall, hesitating and listening in at Chris’s door but not hearing anything before opening it.

He spots Eddie quickly, sitting on a chair next to Chris’s bed. It reminds him of the times when Eddie used to read him stories before bed, voice taking pitches Buck had never heard before all to make a giggling Christopher shriek with loud laughter.

The silence in the room hangs almost as heavily as Eddie’s head in his hands.

“Eddie,” Buck says softly as he walks up to him slowly as if approaching a wild animal, knowing he needs the time to adjust to his presence in the room.

Eddie glances up at him, eyes red-rimmed and wet, but Buck can see that he isn’t one breath away from fully breaking like he has been before. “Hey, Buck,” he replies wetly.

Buck kneels in front of the chair, opening his arms to Eddie who drops his weight into them, squeezing around his shoulders as if he were Chris. “I miss him,” Eddie whispers.

“I do, too,” Buck says, allowing a few tears to slip from his own eyes as he glances at the empty bed. He lets Eddie take as long as he needs in the hug, ignoring the ache in his knees that’s not even comparable to the ache in his chest.

Eventually, Eddie loosens his embrace and moves back, wiping his eyes and chuckling as if it’s the only thing keeping him from crying more. “Let’s get some beers, yeah?” Eddie asks, standing up, and offering a hand to Buck who gladly takes it.

They silently make their way to the kitchen, Buck watching Eddie carefully, trying to anticipate if he needs to talk or be distracted when Eddie’s phone lights up and plays the honking text tone alert.

They both freeze, knowing it’s Chris’s text tone which always made him laugh especially when he would text his dad while in the same room as him. Eddie would always play along with the bit asking, “I wonder who this could be.” While Chris would simultaneously laugh and groan, “Dad.”

Eddie grabs the phone off the counter with shaky hands and reads the message multiple times as if he can’t quite believe what it says. But Buck waits patiently, although all he wants to do is rush over and read it over his shoulder or even snatch the phone out of his hands.

But before he can do anything too impulsive, Eddie glances up with a mixture of shock, relief, and panic when he says, “Chris says he misses me and wants me to come to El Paso.”

Buck smiles but sees that Eddie isn’t doing the same. “That’s a good thing, right?”

Eddie shakes his head and shrugs, internally spiraling a bit. “I don’t know. Yes, it’s good that he misses me. But he didn’t say he wants to come back or he wants me to just briefly visit then come back or how long he wants me there. For all I know, this could be a trial run to see if he ever wants to come back here.” Eddie puts down the phone and wipes his hands over his face. He sighs and drops his hands, expression changing from confused to determined yet still mildly panicked. “I have to call Bobby. But I don’t know if he’ll let me take a temporary leave without doing paperwork that all needs to be approved, but I need to go now.”

Buck makes his way around the counter and puts a hand on Eddie’s shoulder, thumb resting in the dip of his collarbone, mirroring the same stance Eddie uses that always calms Buck down. “I’ll call Bobby, okay? He knows the situation, and he’s more than reasonable when it comes to family. You start packing and looking for tickets for the soonest flight.”

Eddie's shoulders relax as he nods. “Right.” He steps away from Buck as he makes his way to his room, but he pauses and turns around quickly. “Buck?”

Buck hums in response.

“Thank you,” Eddie states, eyes firmly on Buck’s filled with an abundance of gratitude.

“Of course,” Buck replies with a small smile, hoping Eddie is too distracted to read the love written all over his face. And he must be since Eddie takes off soon after.

Buck lets out a calming breath as he processes everything and tries not to get ahead of himself with joy that Chris might be coming back.

A quick phone call later, Buck is once again trying to think of how he can ever repay Bobby for the endless understanding and love he has for the team. He makes his way into Eddie’s room and fills him in on the situation with Bobby currently making a new schedule - already knowing several people who have been asking for overtime and others begging for a chance to work at the 118. Buck can see Eddie going through the same emotions as he did moments before, but they remain for a few seconds longer when he approaches Buck and hugs him tightly, thanking him again.

Buck just holds him and asks, “Have you found a flight?”

Eddie nods, pulling away to hold up his phone. There’s already a confirmation email for the ticket he bought. “There’s a flight that leaves tonight in a few hours.”

“Let me drive you to the airport then,” Buck says, with no room for argument. Eddie only fixes him with a look that has Buck preparing for another hug, but Eddie shakes his head a little and looks down as if telling himself he can’t ask for more.

Buck doesn’t comment on it, but he does check through Eddie’s bag, making sure he didn’t miss anything in his rush, only for Eddie to shove his shoulder against his and say, “If I forgot anything, I’ll just buy a duplicate.”

Buck glances at Eddie's nightstand and grabs his charger, handing it over. “I know you say that, but I also know how much you hate duplicates of anything other than clothes.”

“And ‘Best Dad Ever’ mugs.”

“And those,” Buck says with a fond eye roll, remembering all the times Eddie has insisted that he doesn’t need any more mugs, only to immediately change his tune when Chris holds up a dad mug. “Come on, you don’t want to miss your extremely convenient flight.”

Eddie huffs out a laugh in response but doesn’t disagree.

The drive to the airport is quicker than Buck expected, and when they get there, Buck finds himself parking instead of merely dropping Eddie off. But Eddie doesn’t comment on it. Honestly, it’s as if he was expecting it.

They walk at a leisurely pace, now that they both know that unless something goes horribly wrong, Eddie won’t miss his flight.

“You have your ID and your phone is charged enough to display your ticket?” Buck asks.

Eddie smiles and knocks his shoulder against his. “As I’ve already said three times, yes to both.”

Buck nods, but he feels an overwhelming sense of dread fill his gut. Then, it suddenly hits him that the last time he dropped off someone at the airport was… Abby. And with the departure gates right in front of him, Buck can almost picture that moment when she walked away, and the tiniest voice had told him that it was already over and she was never coming back. It seems to be a tragic theme in his life.

“Hey,” Eddie says firmly, taking him out of the memory. “You okay?”

Buck just nods at him, pasting a small smile on his face. “I just wish I could see Chris, too.”

He knows that Eddie can see that it’s something else chewing him up inside, but they both don’t comment on it.

“Well, thank you again,” Eddie says, lingering in Buck’s space.

Buck hugs him, knowing Eddie isn’t going to take the initiative again. “You know you’d do the same thing for me.”

“Yeah, with a lot more complaining,” Eddie jokes startling a laugh out of Buck.

They both pull away after lingering for a few seconds longer than many friends would. They stare at each other, searching each other’s gaze for something that they’re not able to find - call it stubbornness or obliviousness, but love is there loud and clear to anyone else who merely glances at them.

“I’ll be back soon, and I’ll be giving you play-by-plays of everything,” Eddie reassures him.

Buck just nods, remembering Abby’s promise to call and text every day until those eventually dwindled down to nothing on her side.

“Bye, Eddie.”

“Bye, Buck,” Eddie says with a soft look, turning to leave.

Buck stays and watches, debating if he has the strength to turn and walk away even when he’s out of sight. But to his surprise, Eddie gets through the doors and glances back.

Abby never glanced back.

Then, Eddie rushes back, apologizing to a woman he nearly runs over in the process but continuing on his way back to the doors. “Come with me!” He nearly yells, attracting multiple people’s attention, but Buck doesn’t notice - too distracted trying to process what he has just said.

“Come with me,” Eddie says again, much closer this time. “I know it’s last minute. And you don’t have your bags or anything, and I don’t know if there’s even another ticket left on this flight. But please. Christopher loves you so much, and he would love to see you.”

Buck shakes his head, smiling in disbelief, “Eddie, I can’t just ask Bobby to take us both off the schedule for an indefinite amount of time.”

“He’s done it before! We’re always getting injured together. What’s a few days off going to do?”

Buck smiles and steps in closer. “Eddie, you’re going to be fine. You can do all of this without me there.”

“I know I can, Buck. But I want you there. Don’t you see?” Eddie asks and steps closer, “I want you by my side while I deal with my parents and this whole situation. Even without all of this I would want you to bet there.” And pauses to take a deep breath and fix Buck with a look that pierces deeply. “And I don’t want you to think I’m leaving you. I would never do that. I could be gone for years, and I would never stop thinking about you and messaging you. I could never just forget you. I’m always going to come back for you. No matter the time or the distance.”

Buck’s heart hammers in his chest at the confession that chips away at every insecurity he felt when Abby had left. All the things the tiny voice would say are being directly challenged by everything Eddie says. But this time… Buck realizes the voice wasn’t even there to begin with. Sure, the memory of the voice is loud and clear but… when it’s Eddie? Nothing.

All those years ago, he would’ve gone with Abby in a heartbeat. He would’ve abandoned everything to stay with her and try to make her happy. But now…

Now he knows what it’s like to be truly loved. And to trust the person he loves to come back to him.

So Buck just grabs Eddie’s hand and whispers, “I love you. And that’s why I’m telling you that you can do this on your own. Because I’m going to be here the whole time, waiting for you to come back and making sure everything is okay while you’re away. We’ve already basically built a life here together, and I’m not going to ever risk throwing that away. Plus, I think Bobby would kill us both if we suddenly decided to run away and take Christopher wherever he wants because we both know that’s what would happen if we went together.”

Eddie smiles and laughs, eyes a bit misty as he nods. “Maddie would kill me if I took you away from her.”

Buck smiles softly. “I think she would try, but ultimately she’d be happy for us.”

Eddie nods in agreement but his expression changes from fond amusement to steadfast fondness. He pauses before saying, “I love you, too, you know.”

“I know. Especially after that confession. Really dramatic of you, Diaz.”

“Like you can say anything, Evan,” Eddie laughs.

And Buck can’t help but notice the way that his name falls off his lips, always in a way that screams love but he never noticed before. He shakes his head and laughs, “How long have we been in love with each other but too dumb to realize it?”

Eddie shakes his head and says, “I don’t know. I think I loved you a bit ever since you were an asshole to me and tried to call yourself my elder.”

Buck laughs loudly before sincerely saying, “I think I loved you the moment I laid eyes on you.”

Eddie rolls his eyes. “I think you felt that way more about Chris than about me.”

“Maybe.” And yeah, that’s probably one hundred percent true. Buck gets a sudden idea that has him frowning and tilting his head. “Hey, how much longer do we have to stay idiots who haven’t kissed even after we confessed our love for each other?”

Eddie laughs and shakes his head, turning away to say, “Dios, Buck. I’m not going to let our first kiss be outside an airport. That’s a little dramatic even for us. I’d much rather it be in my kitchen when I bring Christopher back to us.”

Buck steps closer and tilts his head down. “How about we make that our second kiss?”

Eddie bites the corner of his lip and glances around before saying, “Fuck it,” pulling Buck in right then and kissing him chastely before pulling back. “And don’t ask to do that again because I don’t want Athena to arrest us for public indecency.”

“And you say I’m the dramatic one,” Buck laughs, trying not to pull Eddie in for another kiss.

“Because you are,” Eddie says, backing away. “I’ll see you soon.”

“Yeah,” Buck replies, knowing that no matter how long Eddie is gone, soon will never be soon enough. But that’s okay. Because he knows he’ll always have his back. And that’s more than enough for him.

(Ao3 Link yay!!!)

[theevidenceileave]

Buck moving into Eddie's house to "take care of it" until Eddie comes back, still holding out hope regardless.

He has to bring his stuff over from the loft. Obviously, but he keeps it separate because he doesn't feel like he should disrupt their (Chris and Eddie's) space.

But Eddie stays in Texas and he gives Buck free reign on his house and it hurts his heart but Buck starts finding it easier and easier to change things around because Eddie's house has always felt like home, of course he's gonna take care of it

Even though Eddie's not there.

And then Buck runs into Tommy, who's well meaning but still hurtful when he says this sounds too similar to the Abby situation - Buck acting like a ghost in a house that isn't his, waiting for someone to come back who might not. And Tommy would know, wouldn't he? He just wants better for Buck because he's not evil, but Buck bristles at the idea because Eddie is nothing like Abby, ok? He's everything, and he loves Buck (he said so!), and he's not leaving forever he's just figuring some things ou-

Oh.

That gets Buck where it hurts, and he realizes not for the first time how much he loves Eddie, needs him, and he can't just sit with this on his mind. So he bakes. And he cleans. And he starts moving himself around. He's not a ghost - he's alive and full of love he doesn't know where to put, so he directs it to the house.

If Stress Baker Buck was bad, Interior Designer Buck is a whole other level. His old stuff is moved in and put away, and the cabinets are reorganized. Pictures all over the walls of him and Chris and Eddie and the rest of their family. New paint on the walls, new rug on the floor. Same couch.

Most of Eddie and Chris's things stay. He takes what Eddie's left behind and cleans it, putting them back in their rightful place. With how much he took with him to El Paso, there's enough space in the drawers and closet for Buck's clothes to sit next to Eddie's, and Buck thinks he shouldn't love the way their socks look folded up next to each other as much as he does.

And Chris's room has been mostly untouched since he left, Eddie needing to sit there some days to find comfort in the mess Chris left behind. Eddie had taken some things with him when he left, hoping it'll bring Chris familiarity, and the rest Buck takes himself to sit with him in Eddie's (no, his) closet. A babybox of sorts, because he may not have known Chris when he was a baby but he's Buck's baby regardless, and this small collection of pictures and toys and too-small t shirts is all he has of him right now.

He doesn't tell Eddie. He can't tell Eddie, not because he's afraid he overstepped, but because he'd have explain to him why he chose a paint color exciting enough for Chris and muted enough for Eddie, deciding on a rich color they'd all love. He'd have to explain why Chris's drawing of "family" from when he was 9 is centered on the wall, surrounded by real photos of him and Eddie and Shannon and Buck with wide smiles and heart frames. He'd have to explain why he gets a dog, names it Krypto after his Superman and chooses a breed he knows is good with kids. Why he trains the dog to become a service animal for someone with physical disabilities.

He can't explain without being horribly, terribly obvious, so he doesn't.

But he'll have to, eventually, and sooner than he thinks because Eddie and Chris are coming home to surprise him.

[uwut-txd]

Buddie Season 8 What Ifs

Okay but can you imagine how different season 8 B would be if Buck hadn't find out Eddie was thinking of moving when he did. Imagine somehow Eddie manages to hide the tablet and he doesn't tell Buck about his plan at all. Nothing else changes at side for how and when Buck finds out. Maddie still gets kidnapped and maybe is admid the chaos that Buck finds out that Eddie is moving. And the conversation they have in the kitchen when he finds out in canon happens but maybe it's not in Eddie's kitchen but in the Police station or hospital after they find Maddie. So now Buck has less time to process Eddie moving and why the news feels like something in him died.

The goodbye scene in the rain still happens but Eddie knows that he hurt Buck in away he never wanted to. Buck can only wonder if Eddie was even going to tell him he was leaving. Was Buck going to find out Eddie had left when he went in to what was supposed to be their next shift together only to find out Eddie had gone back to El Paso. Or was Eddie going to tell him to come over and Buck was going to see the U-Haul and that's how he was going to find out his best friend was leaving him.

Eddie is driving away, watching as Buck gets smaller and smaller in the rear mirror regretting not telling Buck sooner. And most of all dreading the possibility that he now too belongs in the category of people who have left Buck. That he's not different than all of Buck's exs he hates for hurting not realizing how lucky they were for having Buck in their lifes.

And even after Eddie comes back from El Paso with Chris things are never the same between them anymore. Buck starts to keep his distance and builds a wall between Eddie and him ( never with Chris because he made a promise that he will not break). Buck now knows that Eddie will leave him and even if he came back that doesn't mean he won't leave again and this time for good. But the real reason why Buck builds this wall between Eddie and him is because Buck knows he's in love with Eddie and he's doing what he can to safe guard his heart.

Eddie's feeling realization happens after they came back from El Paso. It's the hollow feeling he gets everytime Buck pulls away from him. Or the all consuming jealousy he feels when he sees Buck interact with Ravi (with Eddie gone they had gotten closer) or how he would hate hearing about the dates Buck has been on. It all comes to head when Buck gets hurt in a call and instead of letting Eddie take careful him Buck brushes him off. The easy dismissal makes Eddie spiral and it all leads to him realizing he's in love with Buck.

And we all know that Eddie Diaz is someone that goes from 0 to 100 in a blink of an eye. He's also someone that advices too literally.

Meaning the movement he realized he was in love with Buck he jump to the conclusion that he needed to transfer to B shift. And he tells Bobby about how he needs to change to B shift because he needs to time to process everything going on with Buck. Buddy calls Buck to his office to ask him if he had a fight with Eddie because Eddie was asking to transfer to B shift to get some space from Buck.

Bamb Buddie confession scene in Eddie's kitchen or living room. Buck goes to Eddie's house demanding to know why Eddie is once again taking a drastic decision without telling him. And they start arguing back and forth. Eddie in the heat of the moment kisses Buck because Buck kept saying that this shouldn't surprise him since he knows how Eddie is and so the right move is to kiss Buck to prove That Eddie can still surprise him.

[buckleyanddiaz]

just a snippet of a Buckley Diaz family fic I'm considering

"I'm adding dad to the call," Chris informs about two minutes in and Buck would say something if he didn't know that he had already been muted. He could see the ceiling of Eddie's old room, the edge of a bulletin board with a bunch of posters he couldn't recognize. He thought one of them was a Hotshots one but he wasn't sure if it was the one Brad had signed for Eddie.

Before he had given Eddie the advice that led to Eddie in El Paso but not in his home, Chris in his grandparents' home, and Buck in Eddie's home.

Well, Eddie's home for the next two weeks. He still hadn't finished the deal with the realtor and he wasn't going to let Eddie stress about it.

That was a new thing they'd been doing and Buck could already see it infuriating Eddie but he wasn't too bothered. Maddie said it was the trauma. Buck didn't know if she meant the one from the kidnapping or the one from the empty Diaz home in L.A.

He just wasn't willing to let Eddie stress about things. He wasn't too keen on explaining himself. The kidnapping, the house sale, the new team dynamic - it was all Buck's stuff. Eddie didn't need to worry about it.

Eddie had given him a frustrated look the last time they had broached the topic in one of these calls. Buck had avoided calling for the next week.

And now he was here on the couch, talking to Chris, who was adding Eddie to the call. For Thanksgiving. Like they were a real long-distance family making the most of things.

He wasn't sure if he sounded bitter when he actually spoke. Thoughts weren't the same as words, so he was fine. Right?

As long as he wasn't bitter around Chris, he should be fine. That's all that mattered for now. Eddie would understand, he was sure.

Maybe they could bond over that, he thought and immediately shut that down. A tiny new notification showed. Eddie was in the call now.

Buck had the passing thought that he should have worn a turtleneck. Hide his throat, his pulse, the parts he never knew to hide from Eddie before.

He tugged on his collar just once instead.

[bekolxeram]

“10! 9! 8!”

The helicopter hovers in the clear, starry sky.

“7! 6! 5!”

The crowd on the ground joyously counts down, welcoming the arrival of a new year, a new beginning.

“4!”

Tommy turns to face the passenger sitting beside him, “are you ready, Evan?”

“3!”

Buck mirrors the pilots movement, “never been more ready.”

“2!”

They smile at each other, with a bright, hopeful glint in their eyes.

“1! Happy New Year!”

Their lips crash together as the crowd roars in celebration, their connection only broken by the deafening bang of a firework. Buck jolts around, but his expression soon softens up in awe.

The calm, dark night sky has been illuminated by bursts of shimmering gold, right in front of his eyes.

Here.

There.

Here again.

Pops of color are gradually thrown into the mix, turning the simple, elegant light show into a chromatic symphony.

Red.

Blue.

Purple.

“Wow… I’ve never seen anything so beautiful in my life,” Buck sighs, still awestruck by the aerial, front-row view to the fireworks.

“I love you, Evan. I can’t wait to start our future together,” Tommy cups Buck’s cheeks with both hands, pulling him in for another gentle kiss.

Something feels wrong to Buck.

“Um… Tommy, who’s flying the chopper?” he stares at the bare cyclic, free from the control of the pilot.

“No one,” Tommy says, a hint of sorrow appearing on his face.

Buck’s blood runs cold.

“What does that mean?”

“It means it’s not real, Evan,” the pilot smooths a thumb over Buck’s cheekbone, “you can’t fly too close to the fireworks in real life, or else you’ll crash and burn.”

“Am I… dreaming?”

“Yeah… it’s a nice one, isn’t it? Too bad you’ll have to wake up soon.”

“Wait, no! I’m staying here, I’m staying here with you,” Buck cries out. “Aw — My head,” a strong dull ache starts pounding his head.

“You can’t.”

“Just… 5 more minutes,” Buck pleads with all his might, fighting against the burn in his throat.

“I’ll see you on the other side.”

================================================

Buck wakes up in a dimly lit room. There’s a hint of familiarity to this place, but he can’t pinpoint it exactly. He can’t even focus for more than 2 seconds due to the throbbing pain in his head.

Feeling his jeans still on, he pats around to find his phone in a pocket. The bright light from the screen stings his dry eyes, after a few seconds to adjust, he sees a column of unread texts from Eddie.

Eddie: What do you mean “where are you”? In El Paso? With Christopher? Eddie: I’m coming back on the 4th. I’ve told you that already, why are you still asking? Eddie: Are you drunk? Eddie: Wait, don’t tell me you’re in my house. Eddie: Why do you have to pick NYE of all days to drunkenly invade my home? Eddie: I’m doing you a favor, you owe me a big one.

Snippets of memories start flooding back all at once. He remembers leaving Maddie’s house shortly after midnight because it was Jee’s bed time, but he didn’t want to go home to an empty apartment, he decided to head to a bar for drinks instead. The more he drank, the lonelier he felt, so he took an Uber to his best friend’s house out of habit.

His memories begin blurring from that point on, but he vaguely recalls breaking down yelling and crying at someone…

“Easy, there’s a bucket next to the bed. You don’t need to get up if you’re feeling sick.”

“Tommy…”

“I brought you an isotonic drink and some painkillers, just in case, but your head should feel better once you get your hydration level back up,” Tommy hands him the bottle and kneels down on the floor, next to the bed.

“How…?” Buck asks after taking a big gulp of the liquid.

“Eddie texted me last night, telling me Christopher wanted to wish me a happy new year over the phone.”

“So… he tricked you?”

“No, he absolutely blasted me for leaving you heartbroken and alone. He said every person in Los Angeles, men and women, would line up just for a chance to kiss you on New Year’s, but you were on your own moping around because of me instead.”

“Eddie?”

“Chris. He told me if I ever believed you weren’t serious about… us, then I would be, and I quote, ‘a fucking idiot’.”

“Oh, he’s all grown up now,” Buck lets out a soft chuckle.

“Um… I was thinking, maybe we could talk? If you want to of course, I understand I have no right to ask you for anything after what I did to you.”

“Later, maybe?”

Tommy nods.

“Can you just stay with me for a while?” Buck lifts up bedspread as an invitation.

Tommy agrees silently by climbing into the bed, lying down on the empty side and wrapping his arms tightly around Buck from behind.

Buck melts into his touch, and slowly drifts off the sleep once again.

[beecauseevan]

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December 2023

"We should do Secret Santa," Buck says at breakfast the next day. They're at their favorite café, winding down after last night's shift, and Eddie tears his eyes away from the large steaming cup Buck is cradling and looks at Buck's face instead. The morning sun is caressing his cheeks, turning his birthmark a rosy shade of red. 

"Secret Santa?" Eddie echoes.

"That's what I said."

"Are you sure?" Eddie asks. "Also, it's 66 degrees out here. Why are you drinking hot chocolate?"

"Don't be a Grinch, Eddie," Buck reprimands him, his smile disarmingly proud. That's the movie they ended up watching after they came back from that snow-slime infestation, which means Buck's list of must-see Christmas movies that he has watched grew by 100% last night.

"Secret Santa gets complicated if there's too many people," Eddie points out. "We would need a guest list. People would have to RSVP."

"Okay," Buck says. "Then let's do a guest list."

"It was supposed to be a casual Christmas party."

"Who said that?"

"Bobby," Eddie replies, "when he suggested it."

Buck shrugs. "Bobby roasts his own cereal. He doesn't know casual."

"Well." Eddie doesn't have a rebuttal for that. 

Buck smiles, satisfied, and stirs his hot chocolate. "Hey. Did you know that you need 400 cocoa beans to produce one pound of chocolate?“

"Where did you learn that? Never mind," Eddie says, before Buck can answer. "You're from Hershey."

"Actually, I learned that when I was in Peru."

"Was that when you had the frosted tips?"

"Shut up," Buck snaps, not unkindly. His cheeks are red, and Eddie is suddenly very pleased with himself. "I still can't believe Maddie showed you that picture. I should uninvite her. She's uninvited from our second official 118 Christmas party."

"Chim might have something to say about that," Eddie replies.

"I'll just ignore him. I'm good at that."

December 2024

"Here." Chim hands Eddie a cup of hot chocolate. It's bad, too sweet, the taste artificial in a way that suggests it's never seen actual chocolate, but Eddie didn't expect any culinary delights from a hospital vending machine anyway.

"Thanks."

They're sitting outside Buck's room. Maddie is in there right now, with Jee. Eddie stares into his cup for a bit, then at that door, and then back down at the cup. He swirls it around, watches the grainy brown residue slide slowly down the plastic. 

"Did you know." He clears his throat, starts again. "Did you know it takes 400 cocoa beans to get one pound of actual chocolate? That's kind of crazy, right?"

Chim sits down and leans back, trying to get comfortable. It's impossible, Eddie knows that from experience. Hospital chairs are never comfortable. Still, Chim tries. He stretches out his legs next to Eddie's, and then he puts a hand on Eddie's arm.

"He'll be okay. He always is."

"Yeah," Eddie says. They don't know that yet, but Chim is right. Buck has to be okay. "He will be."

He bans all other possibilities from his mind, kicks them out and shuts the door behind them. It's not that hard, because they don't leave behind a vacuum. He has plenty of shit he can occupy himself with, and there's one what if scenario that screams particularly loudly, that won't stay in the little corner of his mind where he keeps trying to banish it to. 

What if he hadn't been there? He hasn't found a place in El Paso yet. He's been looking—Buck's been helping—but buying a house is a pretty big commitment and he doesn't want to make the wrong choice. It has to be perfect. It has to be a place Chris will want to call home. He hasn't found that yet. 

What if he had? 

What if Buck had been alone out there? 

What if, instead of fighting tooth and nail to save his life, Eddie had been on the receiving end of a terrible phone call instead? He could be standing at a grave instead of sitting by Buck’s hospital bed. 

How is he supposed to live with that possibility?

Written for the @911countdowntochristmas - this was supposed to be 24 drabbles but the Buddie NDE speculation going around pre 8x08 inspired me and now it’s a 24-mini-chaptered fic instead. And definitely more hurt/comfort than fluff. Oops.

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[sickofthistoxicshit]

I know ya'll are like this is proof of buddie canon,

And as someone who's been here from the beginning, I will believe it when I see it, not before.

There are four ways Eddie little pointless adventure can go,

1. He moves to El Paso, Christopher does not want to see him, his parents put as many obstacles as possible, Buck joins him in a true copying of Station 19 where at the end of the season Vic leaves and Travis meets her at the airport telling her his home is wherever she is and they leave together.

Prompting the spin off of Buck and Eddie together in El Paso. With an angsty backstory in the background and stuff.

2. Eddie and Buck go canon while they're looking for a house for Eddie, Buck asks Eddie not to move, kisses him they have some angsty back and forward in which Eddie goes to see the house up close, misses Buck and decides he doesn't want this, he convinces Christopher to go home with him and comes back to a delighted Buck.

3. Both of them go to see the house, Eddie loves it but it doesn't feel the right kind of happy, they both confess their feelings in El Paso and come back to LA hopefully after Eddie grows a backbone with his emotional support Buck, and tells his parents to go fuck themselves and his son that he can be mad at him all he wants at home in LA, but they can't work this out while they're in two different states so far apart from each other.

Christopher will probably come around either when he hears that, Thank God, no more poor substitutes for mothers will come through their door because he finally gets his Buck and Eddie together.

Or he's still sullen and teenager-y until Eddie’s next nde and then he'll come around, after crying to Buck that he doesn't want his dad to die thinking he hates him.

It will probably be the second option.

4. Eddie moves, Buck misses him like a missing limb, he goes to visit after one FaceTime too many and they end up together, either doing this long distance, or Buck moves to el paso, or they are both along with Christopher comes back to LA.

Some people are mad that I'm holding Christopher accountable for his behavior, and I will probably at some point make a long post about it, but the thing is, that unlike Buck's small family, Christopher had so many people and family to choose from to separate himself from his dad, but he chose the one pair of people that he knows will keep Eddie away at all cost, will let him get away with whatever just so that he stays with them.

And will give Eddie a pause before he will finally decide to get over his guilt over his one mistake of a stalker showing up against his will in his house, and stirring up painful shit for him and his son, and will come get him much later than he would have otherwise.

Because Eddie is sure he doesn't deserve to be redeemed, he actually thought up until his conversation with Father Brian that he didn't even deserve to drink juice, ok?

That's how bad the guilt is. Does Eddie have a lot of self work to do after TM erased all his progress cause he's a vindictive little bitch? Yes.

Is Christopher, which went through so much with his father and even at one point asked Eddie if he is the one making him sad, is the most ooc he's ever been written so far? Yes.

Can he be held accountable for his actions? At the moment of the ghost Shannon reveal, not entirely.

But six months later? Absolutely.

At this point, he's enjoying himself too much to go back to Eddie and his school and his duties, and he doesn't even discuss with Eddie his plans for the future.

Just hints that say, 'No, I barely want to talk to you and send me the autograph to my room on Texas as a reward for giving you half a breadcrumb every time you call'.

I am mad at Christopher for choosing the one pair of people he knew would do as much damage as possible and would take him away and keep him in a heartbeat.

Because, make no mistakes children are not stupid, they learn patterns of behavior, they see and hear everything, Christopher knows how hard it is for Eddie to deal with his parents and he is taking full advantage of it.

I am mad at Eddie for not putting his foot down and that he didn't send his parents packing the moment they showed up at his doorstep.

And I am mad at the Diaz parents for being the narcissistic assholes who want a second chance at raising their son's kid by taking him away from his father and rubbing it in on top of it.

This whole storyline is just one big cluster fuck, and I get that buddie canon is a potentially exciting future, but with Eddie’s storyline in shambles, which as an Eddie girl is the only thing I care about right now, I find it hard to be excited.

Also we've been here before, this is the same game plan as S5 5x10 and S5b which fox and the showrunner chickened out of last time.

So, yes, buddie may happen, but I ain't getting excited before they actually do. This show has given me trust issues, plain and simple.

[therealstacyfakename]

ok so here's a snippet from a fic I started thinking about last night and wrote about 2k words of scenes/outlines. It's about omega!Eddie as a single parent, Shannon is gonna come back and be kind of a dick.

When people learned Eddie was a single mother they looked at him differently. 

They didn’t mean to and it wasn’t always malicious, but when someone figured out he was a twenty-five year old omega with a seven year old son and no alpha in the picture their perception of him changed. People always tensed up or cringed and started to pity him when they learned his story.

Eddie was used to it by the time he moved to LA, he had been an object of fascination for stranger long before Shannon left him. 

First he was the eighteen-year old omega too stupid not to get pregnant before graduation. Then he was the irresponsible mother who left his son for Afghanistan. No one seemed to care about the fact Shannon had been unwilling to find a job that would support them. He’d done what seemed right at the time with the information he had. 

Guys in his squad were okay, but they didn’t always know how to treat an omega. Sometimes it was hard for them to acknowledge that he wasn’t just a short alpha, he will

When he came home from his last tour, the purple heart and battle scars weren’t enough to get people to respect his military service. He would always be the mother who abandoned a child. 

Then when Shannon left, leaving only a note, he was the omega who couldn’t keep his alpha. 

Eddie could only take the whispers at church and the side-eye at the supermarket for a few months before he put in for a position in the LAFD. He hadn’t finished firefighter training in El Paso but LA was the only city that wouldn’t make him start the year over. That added bonus on top of being close to Tia Pepa and Abuela were all he needed to pack up his apartment and say goodbye to his parents. 

His parents never brought up the fact Shannon was in LA when they tried to stop him from moving. Maybe they’d forgotten. Maybe as much as they hated her they still thought a child needed an alpha and omega in their life and were secretly praying Eddie would get her to come back. He couldn’t worry about the inner machinations of his parents for too long if he didn’t want his head to start pounding. 

LA was their new start. No one there would know his story.   

Eddie did his best not to talk about Chris in the fire academy or with his new house. He was just Edmundo Diaz, single omega. He could deal with the casual sexism, it wasn’t anything the army hadn’t already doled out to him.

Being the top of his class was the best protection against alphas who didn’t think he belonged there. Double certification as a firefighter and paramedic helped him stand out when applying to firehouses. He got the last laugh when he had four different fire captains courting him. 

The 118 seemed like a good place, they employed other omegas and the captain promised that they had a zero tolerance policy for dynamic based discrimination. 

On his first day he felt the familiar sensation of eyes following him. A lockerroom with glass walls was novel enough, he could tell they were watching him put his uniform on. He made a mental note to move his stuff to the omega-only locker room for next shift, the idea of a coworker staring at his hips and stretch marks made his skin crawl. 

One firefighter hadn’t seemed to get the memo about working with omegas, he had a problem with Eddie from the moment he laid eyes on him. 

Evan “Buck” Buckley was over six feet of beefy alpha with an attitude problem. He spent the entire shift trying to compare dick measurements. 

Pulling a live grenade out of an open wound at the end of shift seemed to have proven he was worthy of being there. 

After the alpha warmed up to him the first few shifts went smoothly and Eddie started to find a rhythm with getting Chris ready for school and taking him to Abuelas. He needed a more permanent childcare for when he had to be at work but the red tape of finding benefits made his head spin.

When a 7.2 quake hit Los Angeles Eddie’s secret slipped out. He knew that eventually his coworkers would know about Chris, but it was one of those possibilites he pushed away from his consciousness whenever possible. 

Sitting in the engine on the way to a hotel It was no longer a problem for future Eddie.

Everyone knew he had a son and the father wasn’t in the picture. 

He didn’t have to look at their faces to picture the gears turning in his coworker’s heads. Probably already placing their bets on whether he was a widow, a divorcé, or something else equally shameful for an omega of his age. 

Only there weren’t any questions or judgmental looks. 

Buck just smiled and asked to see a photo of Christopher. 

Snippets with Shannon coming back & buck visiting the mall Santa with Eddie under the cut:

Shannon will be in this fic too

The school needed to meet Shannon too. They were still married and Shannon was still his legal guardian so of course logic dictated that they would want to meet her. 

Which is why Eddie was staring at his phone in the loft. Thumb hovering over the call button in Shannon’s contact card. 

Would she even pick up? If she did would she agree to come to the school? Eddie hadn’t tried to contact her since she left that note and for good reason. 

In some ways, some unadmittable ways, it was easier not to co-parent with Shannon anymore. She wasn’t there to complain about his choices or absence anymore. 

A child needs his omega eddie. She’d said to him over an over while he was in the Army. As if it was his fault. 

Shannon confronting him at the station after he kicked her out:

Of course she confronted him at the station. She marched in and surprised him

“What are you doing here?” 

“You won’t answer my texts or return my calls.” 

“This is just not the place.” He replied while accepting another toy donation from a visitor.

“Maybe this is the perfect place where we can have a conversation that doesn’t end up with us in bed. My omega won’t talk to me.” She snipped, her scent spiking and catching the attention of the other firefighters on duty.

“Follow me.” He turned and knew she’d follow. They needed to have this talk somewhere private, almost impossible in a firehouse with glass walls in it’s locker room. 

“I can’t do this here, not now” Eddie started, it was true he had no idea what to say.

“Then where and when? It’s been almost two months and right now I feel even further away from you and from him than I ever did when we weren’t speaking. Are you ever going to let me see Christopher?” She moved through the locker room as she spoke, leaving less space between them as she made her accusations.

“Of course.” He paused. “Eventually.” 

“Does he know that I’m here?” She asked incredulously. 

Eddie ran his fingers through is hair, trying not to feel untethered. “I didn’t want to confuse him, not till I was sure of-”

“Of me?” She snapped. “Because you seemed pretty sure when we started having sex again. Or did you forget that you presented yourself to me last night. What is it that you can bare your neck for your alpha at home and in our bed but in the morning you wake up and I’m suddenly not good enough?” 

“Is that how you see this? Some transaction? What you sleep with me so I let you see Christopher?” His voice was shaking. 

She shook her head, “I thought it was a reconciliation, right up until you hid me from our son!” 

“I didn’t know what else to do!” He yelled. Realizing that someone was bound to notice them screaming at each other. He took a deep breath and lowered his voice as he continued. “I didn’t know what else to do.” 

“Whatever I need to do to prove myself and fix things name it. I am-” A knock on the locker room door cut her off.

It was Buck, still wearing that crooked Santa hat, leaning against the door. “Hey is uh everything ok in here?”

“This is a disagreement between mates and none of your business.” Shannon snapped, pointing a finger at Buck. 

Buck looked skeptical. 

Eddie made eye contact and nodded. “We’re almost done in here Buck you can go back to the toy drive.” 

He didn’t look happy about it, but the alpha walked away. 

Shannon watched him retreat before turning back to Eddie. “Or is the reason you don’t want me to see our son because of your new alpha knot?” 

“Jesus Christ Shannon, Buck is a friend.”

“Then what is it? What do I have to do so you’ll forgive me enough to see our son? Will you ever forgive me?” 

“I can forgive you, I’m just not sure I can trust you.” 

Shannon didn’t have anything to say to that. She huffed and left the station. Leaving Eddie to wonder if it could ever be fixed. 

Buck and Eddie at the Santa

Eddie scooped Chris up and started to walk back to Buck’s Jeep. Buck wasn’t right behind him though, once he noticed his absence Eddie stopped. Turning he saw that the Christmas elf was saying something to Buck that made the younger man stutter and blush. 

When Buck caught up to the two of them he had a strange look on his face and a pleased scent that made Eddie want to burry his nose in Buck’s neck, in a totally platonic way of course. 

“What was that?”

“Oh she just uh had some nice things to say.” He responded.

Eddie didn’t feel like prodding, he’d had enough bickering for one day. “Well how could she not when the greatest kid in the world was just there?” He asked playfully, squeezing Chris for emphasis. His son’s laughter eased the tension he hadn’t realized was still there since Shannon’s visit. 

“Yeah, it would be impossible.” Buck replied, his eyes locked on Christopher. 

There was a glint in Buck’s eyes as they walked back to the car, something new and unfamiliar to Eddie. Something good, something hopeful, something bordering on possessive, something he’d never seen in Shannon’s before. 

[ravi-is-my-beloved]

My 8x05 Thoughts & Summary

Time for that weekly review of the new 9-1-1 episode! This one hurt so bad. Oof.

911 Spoilers Under the Cut!!!

The episode starts with Denny, Mara, Karen, Jee-Yun, and Hen all in costume, taking pictures the day before Halloween. They eventually get Chim and Maddie to be in some pictures and then we get the start of the conflict for Henren, with Karen saying that Hen should take tomorrow night off. She says that Hen misses all of the big moments.

Right after that, is Athena having this talk with a class of high schoolers, basically telling them not to be stupid on Halloween. There's a pair of teenage girls who aren't listening, giggling and being on their phones. (Typical teenager things.) We get this rather funny line of Athena where she says "No, I don't speak stupid" after the teacher says that she doesn't speak "Sigma". I have my doubts on whether or not the show used that term correctly, but I also don't know how to use it, so whatever.

Then comes the start of all of Buck's problems in this episode. The firehouse is tasked to do this haunted house where they all dress up and decorate the firehouse to make it scary (but not too scary) for the kids. Buck of course finds a corpse that he is told is a dummy, it's not. He accidentally rips the corpse's left arm right out of its socket, accidentally traumatizing some group of children by screaming that the "dummy" is actually real.

We also get Eddie (while everyone's decorating, so before the Buck stuff) lamenting about how Chris thinks Halloween is cringe and won't be trick-or-treating this year, not that he'd be able to trick-or-treat with Chris because of Chris still being in El Paso. He tells Chim to basically cherish the moments with Jee (which also adds more guilt to Hen, who is nearby).

We get the pumpkin head call, this poor father having put the pumpkin on his head because this is was the first time he got his kids on Halloween in a while. Turns out, the pumpkins he got are already rotting so he had swollen up hence why he couldn't get it off. Thankfully, the team manages to save him, but just as Buck is reassuring the dad that they see stupid stuff all of the time, Buck slips on pumpkin guts and dislocated (you guess it) his left shoulder.

The hospital scene where they're putting Buck's shoulder back in is next, Tommy coming into the room after the doctor tells Buck (and Eddie who is sitting in the chair beside the bed) that he should be able to go back to work the next shift (for light work). Buck immediately tells Tommy about the curse and of course both Tommy and Eddie laugh, neither one believing it.

Hen goes home to her family and when Karen asks if she asked Bobby about taking the next shift off, Hen reveals that it was a choice between Chim taking off for Jee or Hen doing it (only one of them could take the shift off). And she and Chim both chose to just work. I actually think this is where Karen says Hen misses all of the big moments (I can't remember which scene it happened in, so I'm going to add that it's possible that it wasn't in the opening scenes.)

Buck is looking up about "Billy Boils", which is what the internet calls the guy who is the corpse. Tommy is trying to get him to sleep, because Buck is just scrolling. And then in the morning, Tommy sees the boils on Buck's face that came in the middle of the night. Eddie comes over and treats the boils as best as he can, trying to give any explanation for the boils beside the curse. Eddie and Buck have this little bet where Eddie says it'll clear up in time for shift. (Spoiler alert: it did not clear up.)

Now comes to their shifts and the first call they go to is to extinguish this small fire that's on this vice principal's porch because a bunch of kids left a flaming bag of "stuff" (they never specify what's in the bag) and the guy tries to get anyone to stop these kids, but that's not the fire department's job, so they leave. But then, his house later on gets egged and Maddie (who had taken both of his calls) tells him to just write a report in the morning.

But the guy is already chasing after the kids who egged his house in his car. The call drops and then Josh gets a call from the kids the guy is chasing and as he's on the phone with the kids, there's a sound of a car crash.

The 118 gets to the scene of the crash and they get told that the driver is still inside and the car is pinning a kid to the house. And it's Denny, the kid is Denny.

The vice principal is dead (RIP to him) so everyone focuses on getting the car off Denny while Hen and Chim try and treat Denny as best as they can with the car still pinning him. It's a heartbreaking scene, learning that Denny had shoved Mara out of the way when the car was coming.

Denny starts bleeding internally from his stomach and because the blood will take fifteen minutes to come and Denny becomes unconscious, Hen says to do a field transfusion because Karen is A Negative like Denny is. So we get this heart-wrenching moment where the blood is being transfused, but then they lose Denny's pulse.

So there's a moment where it's just the show's music and we see Hen desperately doing compression on Denny as everyone else works to do shelving (or whatever it's called) because they don't want the roof to collapse when they pull the car out. Thankfully, they get Denny's pulse back (I was really worried there, though) and they get the car off of him, quickly getting him into the ambulance.

So we get another hospital scene, this time all of them (except Maddie, Hen, and Karen. Though Karen and Hen are in Denny's hospital room, Maddie was taking care of Mara and Jee) are in the waiting room. Hen texts the groupchat that Denny is okay, he's just sleeping. Tommy says something about how it's good that the 118 all has each other to support one another and that's when Buck goes "Oh, I know how to break the curse!"

As they're all sitting there in the waiting room, the two kids that the principal was chasing come (because they feel guilty that Denny got hurt because of their actions) and when Bobby points out that they're the kids who the vice principal was chasing, Athena sees it's the two girls who weren't paying attention while she was speaking a day earlier. I'm lumping in the quick scene where the girls are in their classroom, telling their classmates about how you really shouldn't do stupid things on Halloween. (I lumped those two scenes together because it's a really short scene.)

Right after the waiting room scene is Hen and Karen at Denny's bedside and they have this heart-warming conversation about how they were lucky Hen was at work, able to be on scene to help save Denny. They end their talk with Hen saying that they both saved him (which is true because Karen gave Denny blood).

The next important scene is Buck going to gravesite for Billy Boils and talking about the curse and how it's because of the fact that Billy was turned into the authorities by his posse and he goes into this whole speech (which starts the montage of scenes about the various calls they had in the episode) where it's sad to go through life alone (which is the moment when they see Eddie so sadly looking at a picture of him and Chris all dressed up when Chris was younger) but it's even sadder to go through death alone. And he basically has that whole speech, makes a comment about how he hopes that's what it takes to get the curse lifted and he leaves.

All in all, this was a good episode. It had funny moments in the beginning, I really laughed hard at the costumes they had the 118 in during the haunted house scene. There was the emotional moments with Denny (which wrecked me). And overall, it ended in a way that satisfied me.

I just hope that they give the Wilson family a break from emotional trauma after this, though. They've gone through a lot in these past few episodes.

The small hiatus is going to seem so long, though. And I can't wait to see how episode 6 will be.

[try-set-me-on-fire]

Some extra thoughts about Buck sees death au (same content warnings for the rest of the fic asdfg)

I always planned to end the fic where I did but I do think the rest of their stay in El Paso is rockier. Chris wakes up really early the next morning and wants to make pancakes but Buck doesn’t want to use ingredients in someone else’s kitchen without permission so they sneak out to a grocery store in their pajamas (they didn’t want to wake Eddie up digging around in the suitcases) and Ramon is up by the time they get back and is disgruntled that they went out into the world less than fully dressed and presentable, and Chris is like “It’s vacation, abuelo, you can wear pajamas on vacation” in his teenager duh voice and Ramon isn’t happy about that either and there’s probably some this is the example you want to set kind of comment aimed at Buck and like Eddie is still in bed and Buck isn’t sure how much he should be pushing back on this so he kind of just tries to smooth it over and start making the pancakes and things are still kind of weird and tense when Eddie gets up but Buck doesn’t want to start anything up again so he just shakes his head at Eddie’s questioning look and starts plating breakfast. (Also he happened to see freesias at the store and got Eddie a little bouquet, the sap.)

And then later in the day Buck gets a migraine (been happening more frequently since the lightning strike but not enough that his doctor is worried) and Eddie is kicking himself because he forgot to pack the excedrin but his mom has some so Buck takes the medicine and Eddie bundles him back to bed and leaves him to rest for awhile and when he comes back out Helena starts asking questions that start off concerned and quickly become pointed about how dangerous their jobs are, how they both put themselves at risk, what would happen to Christopher, maybe Buck should consider non-active duty, he did die after all, etc etc. and Eddie gets very snippy because they’re not going to quit their jobs, he didn’t die, he’s right here in the other room very much alive, and Shannon died crossing a fucking street so anything can happen to anyone at any time, mom, I’m not going to live my life worried about what might happen. I have his back and he has mine. We’re getting married in the summer. He brought me flowers this morning. This is the life I want to live.

And the two of them go out square dancing with Adriana that night and Buck is still terrible at it and Eddie loves him so so much and he gets a little drunk and they make out in the bathroom and he sloppily whispers “I want you inside me so fucking bad” but they don’t actually get around to doing anything more giving each other a hickey or two, Buck promising to treat him so right once they get back home. And maybe Eddie convinces the still sober Adriana to drive them around town to places he used to hang out, which turns kind of sad because they’re mostly places he used to hang out with Shannon. “It hurts sometimes,” he sighs into Buck’s collarbones, “To love somebody so much.” And they hold each other very tight when they get back to the house and go to bed, and are too hungover in the morning to particularly care that Ramon and Helena disapprove of this, too, but goodbyes manage to be civil and when his parents say they’re looking forward to the wedding they mean it, and when they shake Buck’s hand and say they’re glad Eddie has him in his life they mean that too. And driving with a hangover is miserable but they’re together and going home and so things are okay.

And like Buck is still depressed and anxious and working through his ptsd, he’s not just fixed by a few nice conversations with people who love him, but he’s in a much better place than he was throughout winter, and he keeps going to therapy and working on how to feel better and when the freeway collapse happens it doesn’t destroy him as much as he might have expected, because he’s able to get everyone out safe because he really is good at his job and everyone really does have each other’s backs. And in the summer when Buck and Eddie get married it’s truly so lovely. The light is beautiful, and they have breakfast for dinner, and there are freesias everywhere, and its all perfect because they’re here together. And then the next year or the year after they do have another kid, and it’s wonderful and terrifying and hard and the easiest thing in the world and Chris is a fantastic older brother and they all just get to live their lives, with all the good and bad that comes with that. Mostly good! They have each other, it’s mostly good!

And then far future, I think in 20 or so years everyone is at a family bbq and reminiscing about the good ol days and wilder calls they had and Buck is like… i know how this is going to sound but I used to know when people were going to die. And everyone’s like oh yeah you had great instincts and he shakes his head and explains the whole thing and it leads to a terrible fight between him and Eddie because Eddie spent those months very frightened that Buck might try to kill himself. He’s angry that Buck went through this alone, he’s angry that Buck didn’t let him know the truth while it was happening, he’s angry that he wasn’t even entirely wrong. Buck threw himself in front of that car! He wasn’t doing well! By his own admission Bobby used to disappear when he was feeling suicidal, the lightning happened to be the thing that got him but what if, what if, what if. And Buck admits that if he didn’t have Eddie it might have gone another way but he did have him, Eddie took such good care of him even when he was too afraid or sad or exhausted to explain what he was really going through. And Eddie is only angry because he loves him so much so they work it out and then have a lot of tender middle aged sex about it.

Anyway, this was a fun au I had a great time making poor Buck so so miserable! I hope you had fun with it too!

[theevidenceileave]

Buck moving into Eddie's house to "take care of it" until Eddie comes back, still holding out hope regardless.

He has to bring his stuff over from the loft. Obviously, but he keeps it separate because he doesn't feel like he should disrupt their (Chris and Eddie's) space.

But Eddie stays in Texas and he gives Buck free reign on his house and it hurts his heart but Buck starts finding it easier and easier to change things around because Eddie's house has always felt like home, of course he's gonna take care of it

Even though Eddie's not there.

And then Buck runs into Tommy, who's well meaning but still hurtful when he says this sounds too similar to the Abby situation - Buck acting like a ghost in a house that isn't his, waiting for someone to come back who might not. And Tommy would know, wouldn't he? He just wants better for Buck because he's not evil, but Buck bristles at the idea because Eddie is nothing like Abby, ok? He's everything, and he loves Buck (he said so!), and he's not leaving forever he's just figuring some things ou-

Oh.

That gets Buck where it hurts, and he realizes not for the first time how much he loves Eddie, needs him, and he can't just sit with this on his mind. So he bakes. And he cleans. And he starts moving himself around. He's not a ghost - he's alive and full of love he doesn't know where to put, so he directs it to the house.

If Stress Baker Buck was bad, Interior Designer Buck is a whole other level. His old stuff is moved in and put away, and the cabinets are reorganized. Pictures all over the walls of him and Chris and Eddie and the rest of their family. New paint on the walls, new rug on the floor. Same couch.

Most of Eddie and Chris's things stay. He takes what Eddie's left behind and cleans it, putting them back in their rightful place. With how much he took with him to El Paso, there's enough space in the drawers and closet for Buck's clothes to sit next to Eddie's, and Buck thinks he shouldn't love the way their socks look folded up next to each other as much as he does.

And Chris's room has been mostly untouched since he left, Eddie needing to sit there some days to find comfort in the mess Chris left behind. Eddie had taken some things with him when he left, hoping it'll bring Chris familiarity, and the rest Buck takes himself to sit with him in Eddie's (no, his) closet. A babybox of sorts, because he may not have known Chris when he was a baby but he's Buck's baby regardless, and this small collection of pictures and toys and too-small t shirts is all he has of him right now.

He doesn't tell Eddie. He can't tell Eddie, not because he's afraid he overstepped, but because he'd have explain to him why he chose a paint color exciting enough for Chris and muted enough for Eddie, deciding on a rich color they'd all love. He'd have to explain why Chris's drawing of "family" from when he was 9 is centered on the wall, surrounded by real photos of him and Eddie and Shannon and Buck with wide smiles and heart frames. He'd have to explain why he gets a dog, names it Krypto after his Superman and chooses a breed he knows is good with kids. Why he trains the dog to become a service animal for someone with physical disabilities.

He can't explain without being horribly, terribly obvious, so he doesn't.

But he'll have to, eventually, and sooner than he thinks because Eddie and Chris are coming home to surprise him.

in my little fantasy world where buck moves into eddie’s house while he’s gone, buck keeps referring to everything as eddie’s (i’m at your house, i’m on your couch, i’m in your kitchen, etc), and eddie still hasn’t figured out his feelings but he finds this strangely frustrating. one day eddie finally corrects him (buck, it’s your kitchen), and he means something like “it’s our kitchen,” but he hasn’t found the words for that. and of course, to buck, it sounds like a confirmation that eddie’s never coming back.

[causeimasinger]

open the blinds, let me see your face

Buck/Eddie | Rated T | 13,504 words

Eddie's mom convinces him to attend his 15-year high school reunion, right after Eddie makes a promise to himself (and Frank) that the next time he sees his parents he'll come out to them. It's a dilemma that Buck is ready and willing to help him with

Or, the Fake Dating High School Reunion fic

First off, a HUGE thank you to everyone who has cheered me on as I've written this fic. It's been a monster but I've finally tamed it and here it is - The High School Reunion Fake Dating Fic. Special shoutouts to @sibylsleaves and @messyhairdiaz who keep me motivated weekly on Seven Sentence Sunday and WIP Wednesday posts, and to @mmtions for holding my hand through so much of this. Hope everyone enjoys!

The Facebook invite arrives in early March, and Eddie immediately writes it off. Not because he has a particular disdain for his high school years, but because going to the reunion would mean going to El Paso and going to El Paso would mean seeing his parents. And considering he had made a promise to himself (and Frank, who happened to be in the room when he made the decision) that the next time he saw his parents he would tell them he’s queer, he very much would not like to be in El Paso any time soon.

Besides, he really doesn’t want to think about the fact that high school was fifteen years ago. Chris has been growing like a weed (and developing a pre-teen attitude that rivals Eddie’s own level of sarcasm) and this reminder of the passing of time just isn’t something he needs right now.

What he needs right now, this minute, is to find the damn can opener. The ground beef is already on the stove and soon it’s going to need the tomato sauce and Eddie is strong but not that strong; he can’t open a canned good with his bare hands. And then he remembers Buck in the kitchen three days ago, making them both lunch after a long shift, resorting to mostly frozen food and canned goods. Eddie hadn’t cared – he loves anything Buck does for him, loves that Buck wants to come to his house just to be after work, loves that he wants to surprise Chris at school pick-up and help him with his homework and read him the next chapter of whatever fantasy series they’re on now. He just – he loves Buck.

He finds the can opener in the junk drawer, where Buck always leaves it, even though Eddie always tells him to put it with the silverware.

He’s got a pot of water on the stove and sauce simmering when his phone rings. He almost answers it without looking, assuming it’s Buck, but he glances at the name first and is suddenly hit with a ball of anxiety, right in the chest.

He answers. “Hey, Mom, what’s up?”

“Eddie, “she says, and he can hear the smile in her voice. “How many days will you be staying when you come for the reunion?”

He flounders for a moment. “We’re having a family reunion?”

“No, no.” She uses that voice that implies he should already know what she’s talking about. “Your high school reunion. Roberta says it’s the first weekend of June. Will you be staying Friday through Sunday?”

Eddie walks to the couch and sits, letting his forehead fall on his free hand. “I’m not going to that, Mom. I already declined the invite on Facebook.”

“What are you talking about? You and Tyler were so close.” Eddie rolls his eyes, but she keeps going. “Besides, I’m sure it’d be nice to see all your little theatre friends and baseball buddies.”

He internally winces at the mention of his high school baseball career, thinking about the last time he’d picked up his baseball bat.

“I really can’t, Mom. It’s hard to get a full weekend off, and arranging someone to care for Christopher –“

“Well, you’d bring him, of course,” his mom says like it’s a foregone conclusion. “Your father and I will look after him while you attend the festivities.”

And God, does that sound awful. As much as Chris loves his grandparents, he hates their helicopter grandparenting style, made even worse when Eddie isn’t around to balance out the scales. But the real reason he’s digging his heels in sits heavy like a weight in his gut: he doesn’t want to see the look on his father’s face when Eddie tells him he’s queer. And he’s not one to break promises, even ones made only to himself in therapy – he just thought he’d have a little bit more time to prepare.

He sighs, half-listening as his mom lists all the things she and his dad plan to do with Christopher over the course of the weekend.

“Hold on,” he interrupts, as some of the words she’s saying sink in, “the second day of the reunion is a picnic for families that we’re not even going to, so you’d only have him for Saturday night. And,” he pauses and lets out a weary sigh. “We’ll arrive Saturday morning and leave Sunday evening. And – “

He bites his lip, looks up at the ceiling like the answer might be written there. It’s not, just a water stain and a chip in the paint. He wonders if it’s something he and Buck could fix together. He shakes the thought, closes his eyes, and focuses on his mom.

“And you have to pay for our flights. We can’t afford to fly to Texas on such short notice so soon after Dad’s retirement party.”

“Done,” his mother says without pause, and the excitement in her voice is palpable. He wavers one last time, but finally works up his courage.

“And I might be bringing someone, which means I’ll be staying in a hotel, not at the house.”

“You’re seeing someone?”

“I -“ he stutters. “There’s – there’s someone to bring.”

“Well, we’re thrilled to meet her, Eddie,” she says, and Eddie doesn’t bother correcting her.

“It’s not for sure, I have to ask,” Eddie says quickly, but his mom is already on the subject of breakfast at their house on Sunday if they won’t stay at the house and which airline do they want to use, she’ll get three tickets and send him the info. He lets the conversation reach its natural end (when his mom has run out of things to say) and lets himself collapse back into the couch cushions when he hangs up.

The house is quiet; Chris is at school and Buck is covering a shift for someone and isn’t due home for twenty more minutes. He groans out loud for no one to hear. “Fuck.”

And then he remembers his simmering sauce and rushes to the kitchen to stir, happy to see nothing burned over the course of his phone call. The water’s boiling and he tosses in the spaghetti noodles. And if he sits down at the kitchen table, satisfied by the meal he’s making, by the fact that it will be finishing up right as Buck arrives, by the fact that it’s one of Buck’s favorite after-shift meals, then he’s alone, and no one has to know.

Continue reading on AO3

[libraryofloveletters]

More Days, Fewer Words

Eddie Diaz x Reader 

Warnings: fem!reader

Category: angst 

Word Count: 4.2k

Author’s Note: based on my failed talking stage so this was self indulgent :)  also thank you to @hotchsdarling​ for her help :) <3

-----

Cold. 

The word that describes the current state of your relationship with Eddie. He sat across from you in your bedroom, his shoulders hung as he slouched in the chair. Your foot tapping against the floor was the only continuous noise echoing through the room, ever so often Eddie glanced at you before directing his attention back to your tapping foot. 

Today was supposed to be a nice day, sunny and hot in El Paso, as were most days but not today. Today was gloomy, grey and raining. The wind that blew through the cracked window was cold -cold enough to cause goosebumps. The words that were spoken lingered in the room although nothing was being said. 

“I think I should go” he pipes up, his voice quiet and soft, as if he spoke louder he would break you more than he already had. 

“Okay” a whisper left your throat, barely. 

Eddie pushed himself up out of the chair and headed towards your door. He stepped out, looking back at you now laying on your bed, staring up at the ceiling. 

“I-” 

Silence.

He sighed, shutting the door. His steps quieter as each went. His voice back to normal as he said goodnight to your parents. The tear rolled down your face, the back of your hand wiping it away when you stand. Eddie stood out in the rain in front of your house, you watched as he looked at your bedroom window. He stood there for a moment and you opened the window. He waited - waited for you to shout for him to come back into the house, for you to do something, anything. 

You didn’t. 

Shoulder slumped and now rain soaked, he turned and walked the other way. 

How did you end up here? Never did you expect him to leave. He was always the constant in your life, there through the good and the bad, as you were for him but something changed. People change and people drift apart. Some things things were just meant to happen the way they happened. 

----

Last you heard, Eddie had moved after his wife left. You had seen him at the store and he saw you too. An awkward moment of eye contact was had and you both went your separate ways. His mother was the one that had told you about his move, she kept up with you even after the falling out. She always stopped and spoke to you if she saw you, still sent you flowers for your birthday until this day. She had really started telling you that Shannon had left to take care of her mother, but of course, Eddie was an angel in their eyes so Shannon was left to take all the blame. 

Not that you knew Shannon personally nor did you know the ins and outs of her relationship with Eddie but you had heard enough from friends to know that things weren't good. She had commitments, one to take care of her mother and of course, she had one to take care of sweet Christoper but you could understand why she left. It’s hard raising a child when your partner is gone and when he returns, he’s just there with no sense of what’s happening. You would never blame Eddie but you couldn’t exactly blame Shannon either. 

So as anyone would, you went to see Eddie’s mom before you left for LA. there was nothing left for you in El Paso, most of your family had moved. You didn’t want to stay there by yourself with all the memories of your past.

It was time for a fresh start. 

Imagine your surprise when Mrs. Diaz goes “that’s where Eddie is too!” She had known the two of you stopped talking but she didn’t know why. Neither of you spoke about your feelings and that was part of the reason why the friendship ended to begin with. She told you he had become a firefighter when he moved, he had just gotten a job at station 118. 

Something you loved about her, she always told you what you wanted to hear without asking. 

She wished you good luck and promised to visit you when she and Ramon came out to see Eddie and with that, you were off. 

The entire time, your mind wandered back to Eddie. Surely, he had moved on. He did with Shannon, you couldn’t have given him what he wanted. Stability, a marriage sometime in the near future, a child after that, all things you weren't ready for at that point in your life. Truthfully, you still weren't sure if you were ready now, but maybe and only maybe, would you consider it for the right person. 

LA was new and fresh, a clean stale for you to try things and meet people. Right now you were just focused on getting settled in with the new place and the new job. Lauren, the woman whose desk was next to yours asked you to join her and some of the others for drinks after work to celebrate the account the team had gotten earlier. Being new to town and all, you had no other plans so you agreed.

9:30 on a Tuesday night and you were at a bar not far from your workplace. 

Lauren and Matt, who you now realized was her boyfriend, were telling everyone about this new fancy restaurant they went to for their anniversary. You smiled and nodded, but truly you were zoned out. Eyes wandered through the bar, from groups much like yours, to couples, some men and women sat at the counter and then a group of people by the pool table. You watched as a shorter man with black hair hit the ball into the pocket, another man, this one blonde and tall, patted his back and then took his turn. Your focus was on them until Lauren called your name. 

“Y/n?” 

“Hm?” 

“What do you think about that ?” 

“About what ? Sorry, I missed what you said” smiling apologetically at her. 

“The restaurant, isn't that crazy ?” 

“Yeah it totally is” Lauren hums at your response and carries on with her conversation. Gaze drifting back to the pool table at the other end of the bar, you excuse yourself from the group for a moment. You watch the blonde man miss yet another shot as you walk towards the bathroom. Not that you needed to go, you just wanted to have a better view of the game. Your back was up against the wall, the man with the black hair hit another ball into the pocket and surprise surprise, the blonde man missed again. 

“He's totally kicking your ass” stepping forward, your hands resting on the edge of the table. The blonde man looked offended while his friend laughed. 

“I am, aren't I ?” he asked you, smiling in amusement. 

You nodded, he introduced himself. “I’m Howard, but you can call me Chimney. My friend here is Buck.” 

“Chimney ?” your brows raise, he shakes his head, “long story.” 

“You are ?” Buck asks, “y/n” you smile. 

“Okay, y/n. Think you can do better than me?” he asks, holding the stick out for you. Smiling, you take it, “definitely can do better than that” as you lean over the table, Buck steps to the side and watches as you line the shot up. One hit and the ball rolls into the pocket. 

“Yeah, she’s got you beat Buckaroo” Chimney laughs, “Buckaroo ? How cute” you smile, Buck rolls his eyes. 

“Don’t listen to him” he says, nodding to Chimney. “Your go man” 

Buck lets you take his turn for him, Chimney missed the first one but gets the second one in. Just as you lean to line the stick with the ball, you hear him. His voice still brings chills to your spine. He hadn’t noticed you yet, you can hear him talking to Buck, you glance up ever so slightly to make sure you heard right. 

What are the odds that the two of you lived in the same place your entire lives and never run into each other but not even 2 weeks into your move to LA and you see him? 

Pushing the feeling and thoughts of Eddie from your mind, which wasn't the easiest considering he's right in front of you, you hit the ball and it rolls into the pocket. 

“Good shot y/n!” Buck calls from his chair. You wince, hoping Eddie wouldn't look back but he did. The two of you looking at each other like you were the only people in the room. All the feelings from that day returned, the heavy tension weighing you down. Eddie’s reaction made you want to run, far and to never return, to somewhere you’d never see him. Yet, you were stuck, froze and fixated on him. 

“I think I should go.” you hand the stick to Chimney who’s now exchanging confused glances with Buck. “It was nice to meet you guys. Enjoy your game.” you smile at the two men, one last glance at Eddie before walking away. You say goodnight to your friends from work and apologize for just disappearing on them. Lauren and Matt offer to give you a ride as you came with them but you decided you’d walk. 

---- 

Eddie follows his morning routine per usual. Up at 7, wake Chris up, breakfast, shower and get ready, out the door by 8:15 the latest, drop Chris off at school for 8:30 and at work by 9. 

As soon as his bag hits the floor, Buck comes running in, Chim hot on his tail. “Good morning” Buck smiles at his best friend, taking a seat on the bench across from Eddie’s locker. “Morning Eddie, how’d you sleep ?” Chim asks, Eddie turns and looks at Chimney, “how did I what ?” Eddie’s face twisted into his typical scowl.  

“Sleep, how did you sleep ? Friends ask that don't they Buck ?” Chim faces Buck, his back against the wall across from the lockers. Buck nods but Eddie ignores them, he goes back to changing for work. The room is quiet except for Eddie’s tumbling through his bag and locker and Chimney throwing a tennis ball at the wall across from him and catching it. Buck being Buck, decided to ask the question they had actually gone in there to ask. 

“So why did our new friend just up and leave after you showed up?” 

Eddie didn't answer, Chimney kept bouncing the ball and Buck asked the same question over and over again in different variations, hoping to get an answer. Finally Eddie turns to face them, the locker door slamming shut. Buck and Chimney’s heads perking up at the sound. 

“What do you want to know ?” Eddie asks, Buck opens his mouth but Eddie cuts him off. “You can only ask one question each. That's it” the two men nod, Chim joining Buck on the bench. “Do you guys know each other from your past life or something ?” Buck asks the first question. 

“She was an old friend.” Eddie’s simple answer didn’t satisfy the curiosity that Buck and Chimney had. 

“What happened between you two ?” Chimney used his question, earning him a sigh from Eddie. 

A loss for words wasn't a common thing for Eddie, sure he didn’t confront every problem verbally, that was usually the last option he chose but he looked for the simplest terms to put what happened. 

“We drifted apart” 

“Oh c’mon! There has to be more!” Buck looks up at his friend who was in no mood for questions, the look on his face was enough to get Buck to stop but did he ? Of course not. 

“Eddie, come on. It's us. You can tell us what happened” 

“What I say here, ends here. Understand ?” his friends nod. Eddie sits on the bench beside them. 

“We were friends back in El Paso. Grew up together our whole lives, everyone thought that we'd get married,” he chuckled at the thought, “but obviously, didn’t happen. It was right after we had graduated, we had feelings for each other but neither of us said anythi- well that’s not true. We admitted that we had feelings once but nothing ever happened. She went off to college and I was still figuring out my life. After I told her I enlisted, we drifted. Hung out less, the calls became shorter and eventually they stopped. The only time we saw each other was if one of us showed up at the other’s place. I told her that I couldn’t have a relationship like this, with nothing happening. I wanted a life together, to get married, to have a kid and she said she didn’t want that, she ‘couldn't give that to me.’ We stopped talking after that. I left and when I came back, I met Shannon, we got married and had Chris.” 

“So that’s that. Anyone want a smoothie ?” He stands and waits for an answer, both men shake their heads and he walks out like he hadn’t just told them all of that. Buck and Chim sat there, staring at Eddie walking away. He had this great romance and it ended because they had shitty communication skills ? There was no way Buck and Chim would let this slide, they’d hatch a plan but one that Eddie would know nothing about. Only to figure out how they can get the two of them together in one place. 

---

A routine fire drill for an office building was a normal day for the 118. Bobby coordinated with the team from outside. Hen, Chim and Buck all inside the building, they went through various floors checking to make sure they were clear while Eddie was in the lobby. 

This was their first shift back after their 24 hour shift as was it the first shift back since the Eddie “I had a friend that I loved but did nothing” bomb was dropped. The team took their sweet time clearing the building, they were supposed to be in and out as fast as they can be because they were supposed to be acting like it was a real fire. 

You on the other hand, were now arriving to work. You had a check in with your doctor and called in to say you’d be late. You find your way through the crowd outside of the building and spot Lauren by a corner. 

“Hey!” she smiles, you smile back at her. “What’s going on?” you ask her, turning to look at the crowd forming by the door. “Fire drill” she informs you, nodding towards the 2 big red firetrucks parked in front of the building. You hum, the side of the truck had big white numbers that said 118. Why did that feel so familiar to you ? 

“He works at station 118 now” Eddie’s mother’s words ringing in your head. 

No no no no no, not again. God I hope he isn't working today. 

Everyone reenters the building and there he was again. You couldn’t help but look at him. He had grown since you saw him that day at the store, you didn’t know what you were expecting. He stood there, his coat undone and his helmet in his hand, his typically well kept hair was wavy and messy from the helmet. He looked cute, but you wouldn't dare to tell him that. Not then, not now. You look away before he sees you. Making your way up the stairs, you were searching through your bag for your phone when you bumped into someone. Their hands on your arms, “sorry about that” you mumble before looking up. 

Buck smiled at you, “it’s okay. I didn’t know you worked here” 

“Yeah, started a few weeks ago” 

“Hey, why don't you come out with us tonight ? Chimney will be there and my sister Maddie, plus Hen and her wife are coming. She works with us, you’ll really like her” Buck gave you a smile, his eyes pleading for you to join them. He didn’t mention Eddie but you’re sure he would be there. Oh what the hell, you co-existed in El Paso for years, you had the same friends there too, what difference did it make here? 

“You know what, sure. Where and when ?” 

Buck reached into his pocket for his phone, giving it to you. “I’ll text you the details” you type your number into Buck’s phone. HIs radio went off, someone was looking for Buckley which you assumed was him and it was, he shouted that he’d text you as he ran off down the hallway. Chuckling at the man, you wondered how someone as joyful and sweet as him stayed so joyful and sweet doing a job like his. Surely, he had seen some messed up stuff, there was no way he didn’t. Nothing thinking much into it, you head into work for the day. 

----

Buck didn’t take long to text you a name of a restaurant and a time, he also told you to ask for Buckley when you arrived. Work kind of flies by when you have something to do, soon enough you were at home getting ready. The place was 20 minutes from your place, you arrived on time surprisingly. The man at the front smiled at you and led you into the restaurant when you gave him the name. Just as you were walking in, your phone chimed. 

From Buck: Okay don't be mad but Hen and Karen can’t make it. Chimney and Maddie are having a date night in and I’m sitting on my couch but have fun  

From Buck: But drinks tomorrow I promise, if you’re not mad at me :) 

Did he send you here to have dinner by yourself ? 

When you looked up, the man had just stopped in front of a table, had you not looked up you would have walked into him. Eddie sat at a table for 2, you look at him and he looks at you. The man excused himself as the two of you are looking at each other like you’re the only people in the place once again. 

“Buck ?” you ask him 

“Buck.” he answers, you hum. 

You pause for a moment. “Well, I can leave. We don't have to st-” “no please, sit” Eddie says, your brows furrow before you sit across from him. 

“I didn’t-” “When did-” the sentences cut off each other. Gesturing to him, “you first” your attention on the man in front of you. He takes a sip of water before speaking. “I didn’t know you moved to LA” he says, you hum. “I didn’t know you moved either.”

“Yeah after Shannon-” 

“Left. Yeah, your mom told me.” 

“How did Buck get you here?” Eddie looks over at you. “Bumped into me during the fire drill. He asked me to come out with the team tonight, to meet them.” 

“He told me that he wanted to get dinner and help me plan Christopher’s birthday party” 

“Chris has probably gotten so big” 

“Yeah, he did” Eddie pulls his phone out to show you a picture. Eddie and Christopher sat on the couch next to Eddie’s grandmother. 

“Awe, he’s grown so much. How’s your Abuela ?” 

“She's good, she's been helping me out with Christoper since I moved here.” 

Your eyes drifting back to the phone that sat on the table, it seemed like a recent photo. The cake on the table read “happy birthday” and Christoper’s arms are wrapped around Eddie’s waist. Chris is laughing with frosting on his cheek while Abuela feeds Eddie a piece of cake. The picture was from Eddie’s birthday, it was from last weekend. 

“oh my god, it slipped my mind.” you look at him, Eddie’s brows furrowed and his head tilts slightly. “What’s wrong ?” he sounded concerned. 

“Happy birthday Eddie” smiling at your friend- if you could even call him that. Eddie returns the smile. “Thank you” 

The waiter returns to the table, asking if you were ready to order. Eddie looks at you, unsure what to say to the waiter. You speak up, “No thank you, I think we’re going to get going.” 

“Is there any way we could get you to stay ?” the waiter asks, you smile politely and shake your head. “Thank you but the babysitter called, our son isn't feeling too well so we’re going to head home” now smiling sweetly at the waiter, he nods and leaves. Eddie’s eyes are on you, you could feel them on your from the moment you say “our son”

Getting up, picking up your purse. “It was nice seeing you Eddie” 

“Wait! Let me walk you out” he gets up from his seat, he follows you as you make your way through the tables and out of the restaurant. 

“No thanks, I’m more than capable of walking myself out” you say with a hint of annoyance in your voice. You’re out on the street walking towards the direction of your car when you feel a hand wrap around your wrist tugging you back slightly. 

“I know you’re capable, but please. It’s the least I can do” he gives you a pathetic look, a small pout on his face. 

“God, stop it. You know I hate that stupid face” pulling your hand away, you continue towards your car. “What face?” he shouts, jogging behind you as he follows you to your car. 

“That stupid pout of yours. It always got me to give in” turning around, you hadn't realized how close behind you Eddie was. His chest against yours, his hand on your waist instinctively when you bump into him. Eddie had no clue what you were talking about, a pout ? He had never pouted a day in his life. Clearing his throat, he relaxed his face as best as he could. 

“Can we talk, please ?” you shake your head, moving his hand from your hip. “Eddie, what more is there to say ?” 

“I love you.” 

The 3 words you had been dying to hear since freshman year of high school. The 3 words that would have been the glue to hold your relationship together all those years ago. 

“Eddie, what-” you breathe. You were at a loss for words. Why now? Why not all those years ago?

“I know” he takes a step back. 

“Why now? Is it because you already got married ? Because you have Chris ? Because you don’t need me to give you those things, you just- why ?” 

“Y/n, it was never about those things with you.” he reaches for your hand, you pull away. 

“But it was. It always was about the future we would have built together. You wanted to get married, you wanted to have children and I didn’t. I wasn’t ready. I still don't know if I am. So please, if you’re just going to leave again, go now before I fall in love with you again.” admitting your feelings to him in the middle of the street. 

“I got married, I have a kid - and you’re right. I don't feel the need to do those again because I already have. It doesn’t mean I stopped loving you. It doesn't mean a day hasn't passed by that I didn’t think about you or that I didn’t want to call you.” he sighs, his heart on his sleeve. Eddie wasn’t only one to talk about his feelings, ever. It meant a lot to both of you that you had your feelings out in the open. 

Eddie’s hands grabbed your waist, your body pressed against his. “Eddie, please don’t. I can’t do this. We’ve both moved on-” his hand cradled your face,  his lips on yours ended your sentence. 

Your heart pounded in your chest, you could only focus on how Eddie’s lips felt against yours. You had been dreaming for another moment like this since he left you that day in your bedroom, it felt as if time stopped and it was only the two of you while the world melted away. 

Eddie’s eyes had ever so slightly opened, taking the beautiful women in front of him. Taking in the moment just to make sure he wasn’t imagining what he had dreamt of and for the first time in all those years, he didn’t feel sad when he thought of you, he saw the one he had been waiting for.  

“Ed-” “Y/n, I love you.” 

“Eddie I-” 

“No, it’s you. It's always been you.” 

“Oh my god, Edmundo! Shut up, I'm trying to tell you something” you groan, Eddie bites back a smile.

“What is it?” 

“I love you too.” 

---- 

Yeah I got lazy, but happy ending :) Just assume they worked things out and are happy now :) 

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