playin' games (with my heart)
ok, so. i wrote this for day 4 of buddie's first kiss week (which was on a dare). but the thing is: i hated it. the more i looked at it, the more i hated it. i don't know why. but it's friday night and i'm home alone in the middle of quarantine wishing i were, in fact, as drunk as most of these people are. this is not what i usually write, so i’m nervy, but here. have it anyway
title is from the bsb song w the same name. it doesn't have anything to do with the story but i hate having to figure out titles
3.5k words / truth or dare / read on ao3
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The night is young, awfully so. Eddie doesn’t remember ever feeling this young, being this young.
Tonight, he is.
He’s got a drink in hand. He doesn’t know what it is, who put it there. But he’s got it, and he downs it in one fluid motion, enjoying the burn, and laughing to himself; it wasn’t even a shot.
He’s not entirely sure what brought them all here, if he’s being honest. Well, he knows. It was just dinner at Bobby and Athena’s, as they try to do at least once a month. What he means is: he’s not sure how they ended up having a party. It wasn’t supposed to be a party, if he remembers correctly. But suddenly, Harry was off to see his grandparents for the week, Denny had a sleepover and Karen’s mom wanted to have Nia for a little bit, Christopher begged to go to Pepa’s house where his cousins would be for the weekend. May has been in college for six months now, Maddie still has two months to go before the baby comes. It’s adults only.
It’s almost like they all forgot what that was supposed to feel like.
His vision is just a little bit blurry at the edges, his limbs loose in a way they haven’t been in a long time. He feels good, comfortable.
There’s some kind of pop music Eddie doesn’t know playing loudly, Athena, Bobby, Hen and Chimney are dancing in the middle of the living room, Maddie and Karen watching and laughing. Michael, his boyfriend, and Buck are in the middle of some intense conversation on the other side of the room.
Eddie loves them all.
The laughter that escapes his lips is directed at no one; there isn’t even anything funny happening, he’s just… feeling good. He hasn’t felt this good in a long time.
Buck sidles up to him, out of nowhere, offers him a beer. He takes it, nods his thanks.
“Whatcha laughing at?” He asks. “You look goofy.”
Eddie shrugs. “Don’t know, actually,” and that sets him off again.
“I think you’re drunk, buddy,” Buck says, but Eddie can tell he’s not that far behind. “‘M not judging!” Buck hurries to add. “Just pointing it out.”
They look at each other for a second, sipping their beers.
Buck’s cheeks are flushed, alcohol working hard against his white skin, making his eyes stand out. He’s beautiful. It’s not the first time the thought has crossed Eddie’s mind. It’s not the first time they’re drunk together, either, but Eddie always makes sure to stay in line, not let his thoughts wander. It’s a little harder when Buck has unbuttoned his black shirt and rolled up the sleeves, tight tank top under it, allowing Eddie to see the flush going down his neck and into his chest; his long legs in some tight pants that Eddie is pointedly not looking at. Eddie can feel Buck’s stare almost like a physical force pushing into his skin, and he has to look away for a second.
“Hey, yo!” Michael yells out, trying to be louder than the music. He fails at that, but succeeds at breaking the moment he was having with Buck, and Eddie’s thankful (and just a little sad about it). Michael still gets everyone’s attention even though the music is louder. “We should be playing party games.”
“Ooh, how ‘bout some truth or dare?” Athena suggests, and Eddie was not expecting that.
“If everyone promises no hard feelings, no matter what happens,” Bobby adds, always awfully reasonable.
“I suggest someone finds fun Bobby so we can play some party games!,” Buck yells back, and everyone cheers.
“Hey,” Eddie quips, “we’re all adults, huh? I’m sure we can work something out.”
“I’m extremely sober,” Maddie says, laughter in her voice, “and I promise you guys I’m gonna have so much fun!”
“As long as you’re happy, baby,” Chim says, and Eddie smiles, so big it hurts.
It feels good to let go, not to worry about Christopher, knowing he’s in good hands, and not to worry about Buck, because he can see him at all time. It feels good to watch his friends having fun, being reckless in a good way.
For the first time in a long, long while, Eddie feels no guilt. No guilt about having someone else taking care of Christopher, no guilt about having fun, being drunk, letting loose; no guilt about looking at Buck and thinking about how fucking hot he looks.
Buck has a tequila bottle in one hand, and a bunch of plastic shot glasses stacked in his other hand.
“Help me out here, Eddie, c’mon,” he says, handing Eddie the bottle, while he passes everyone the tiny cups. “Sorry, Maddie, you don’t get any. Sucks to be you.”
“Thanks, asshole, I’m pregnant.”
“Which is why you don’t get any!”
“Oh, I get plenty,” she says with a wink at Chim, teasing, and Buck scrunches up his face, yelling gross, Maddie!, and she laughs, throwing her head back, while Chim laughs on the other side of the room.
Eddie pours everyone a shot.
“Ok,” Buck says, “everyone ready? On three! One… Two… Three!”
They all drink, and in the end agree to play some Frankenstein’s monster of a game: truth or dare, choosing truth and refusing to answer means taking a shot; choosing dare and refusing to do it means taking two shots – Bobby declares he won’t be refusing anything, to which Athena replies: “Don’t worry, we’ll come up with something equally as humiliating for you”. Being an asshole means everyone can gang up on you. They’re all adults, all car keys have been confiscated. Nothing is off limits. Maddie gets to be the judge of everything.
“Playing sober while pregnant sucks, my friends,” she reasons and, well, she’s right.
They sit in a circle, because they’re mostly drunk and it’s fun. Athena, Bobby, Michael, his boyfriend, Chimney, Hen, Karen, Eddie and Buck.
Their knees are touching, and Eddie feel like a schoolboy, but he can’t concentrate on anything else besides that.
“Ok,” Maddie says. “Chimney’s starting because I’m the judge and I say so! Spin the bottle, baby!”
Chimney rubs his hands and spins. It lands on Hen.
“Henrietta, my love! Truth or dare?”
“Truth.”
He smirks. “Who’s your best friend? Me or Athena?”
There’s a chorus of whoa going around, everyone laughing. Hen looks pained.
“No. No, I can’t, pass me that bottle,” she says, dejected, which only makes everyone laugh more.
Hen spins, then, and it lands on Michael.
“Dare,” he says, before she can even ask.
Hen smirks.
“I want you to give Bobby a kiss.”
Buck chokes on nothing, which makes everyone laugh. Eddie puts his hand on Buck’s knee, trying to steady him for a second.
Michael looks at his boyfriend, looks at Athena. Looks at Bobby. His boyfriend nods, playful smile on his lips.
“Go on, boys,” Athena says, a tone to her voice that no one can identify, but they sure can hear. She licks her lips.
Michael nods, goes on his knees. Athena taps Bobby on the knee, and he does the same. It’s mostly a non-kiss. They barely graze each other’s lips before they’re moving back, and Hen, Athena and Chim immediately start booing them.
“Man, y’all suck,” Athena says, but she’s laughing. Bobby’s blush is furious. Buck’s laughter is loud, which gets everyone going.
Michael spins, then. It lands on Karen.
“So?”
“Dare.”
“Give Hen a lap dance,” he says, and he looks incredibly pleased with himself.
“Damn,” Eddie says, and notices his hand is still on Buck’s thigh. He picks up his beer just for a reason to move his hand away, to quit being a creep.
“Whose phone is playing the music?” Karen asks, and she doesn’t look shy at all. She changes the song to something with a low bass, and when Hen sits on the chair, as they all turn to watch, she puts on a show.
“Damn, Karen, my girl!” Athena yells, as Michael wolf-whistles, and everyone laughs.
“God, babe, you’re good,” Hen says, and they kiss.
Everyone sits back down at their original spots.
“Michael, you just had the best idea,” Chim says. He sounds like he’s plotting something. Eddie has the feeling he doesn’t want to know.
Karen spins, and it lands on Chimney.
“Truth.”
“Ok.” Karen looks serious, takes a deep breath. “Chimney. Is it a boy or a girl?”
Everyone explodes in laughter. Maddie, above them on the couch, starts yelling:
“Overruled, overruled!”
“Sorry, Karen, guess I’ll have to take a shot.” He does.
“You’re all super funny,” Maddie says. “Ha-ha.”
Karen blows her a kiss.
“Ok, my turn,” Chim says, and spins. It lands on Eddie.
Chimney slips on a poker face immediately.
“Edmundo. Truth or dare?”
Eddie wants to say truth, he does.
“Dare.”
Chim smirks.
“I want you to sit tight through a lap dance. From Buck.”
Buck chokes. Again.
“How is that my dare?” Eddie asks, but he knows as soon as he says the words that it’s the wrong thing to say.
“You know why this dare is for you, Eddie,” Chimney replies, which. Fair. Everyone knows, probably. Eddie’s suddenly drunker than he’s ever been in his entire life.
Chaos descends. Everyone is laughing, or making some snarky remark Eddie is pointedly ignoring.
“Buck.” Bobby says, low in the middle of the noise, but Eddie still catches it. “Are you ok?”
He doesn’t reply. Instead, he grabs the tequila bottle and takes a shot, then another one.
“Alright, Eddie,” he says, “move your ass to the chair.” He turns to Athena, making grabby hands. “Phone.”
Suddenly, everyone’s quiet.
Eddie’s sitting on the chair, and Buck, already taller than him when they’re both standing up straight, is looming in front of him, looking impossibly tall, impossibly broad, impossibly big. Buck shouldn’t even be possible. Eddie is sure Buck is a fever dream he’s having; that’s the only possible explanation to this moment.
God, Eddie is so screwed.
The song starts, and it’s probably not what any of them expected, but it is, somehow, exactly something Buck would pull up.
He cracks his neck, looking down at Eddie. This is another person. This is another Buck, in an alternate universe, where he looks at Eddie like he wants to eat him whole. He’s so damn big.
He starts moving, and Eddie knows he isn’t the only one surprised by just how not gangly he is. He’s never gangly, in life, but Eddie wasn’t expecting him to be able to move his hips like that. He’s not looking at anyone, can’t possibly tear his eyes away from Buck’s body, but he knows everyone’s thinking the same.
Who is this man?
He moves, his hips swaying as he goes, until he’s behind Eddie. He goes down, his hands moving slowly from Eddie’s shoulders, down the length of his arms, and back up. He keeps going, until his hands are on both sides of Eddie’s head, and then he’s tipping it back, making Eddie look at him, upside down. He winks. Eddie’s breath catches. Oh, God.
He moves in front of Eddie again, and starts coming close. Eddie hopes he won’t come any closer, that’s dangerous, but of course Buck does. Of course, Buck pretty much sits on Eddie’s lap, moving his long legs on either side of Eddie’s. Of fucking course, Buck moves his hips. Never learned a thing about control, huh?
He takes Eddie’s hands, places them low on his belly, holding onto Eddie’s wrists, and makes them move up, up, up, until Eddie gets the memo and starts pushing Buck’s shirt off of his shoulders until it falls to the floor.
Somewhere, distant in Eddie’s mind, he thinks about the fact that he can’t hear shit save for the song, loud around them. Their friends are almost annoyingly quiet after all that noise. But, then again, Eddie gets it. Buck’s putting on a show.
And, frankly, the whole thing is going fine. Is Eddie currently sporting a hard-on while Buck is in his lap? Sure. But that was par for the course, right? That was exactly what Chimney was hoping would happen. So, yeah, Eddie is doing fine. He is.
Right until Buck sinks his head to Eddie’s neck and licks a wet, wet stripe up to his ear.
Eddie, who was being a good boy up until now and was keeping his hands to himself, is only human, and cannot help himself as his hands shot up to hold onto Buck’s thighs, hard.
The song ends. Buck stills where he is, and presses a kiss behind Eddie’s ear, where his face is still tucked against Eddie’s neck, and moves up slowly, giving Eddie a second to breath.
Hen’s the first to break.
“Holy shit, Buckaroo! Whew, I’m hot over here, baby, and I don’t even like whatchu got!”
Buck laughs, ducks his head, a blush spreading hard down his neck.
“How you holding up there, Eddie?” Chimney says, teasing, and Maddie throws a cushion at him. “Ow, babe!”
“Shut up, Chim,” she says. Eddie’s thankful.
The music goes back to whatever it was before, and Eddie moves back to his spot quick, grabbing Buck’s shirt of the floor, balling it up, and placing it on his lap. A guy has modesty. Chim won’t stop looking at him, a knowing smirk on his lips – but hey. It’s not like no one else was watching. Everyone knows. Whatever.
He takes a shot of tequila, just for good measure. Then he spins. It lands on Athena.
“Truth or dare?”
“Truth for a change, I guess; we need to stay alive.”
He laughs. “Ok. Tell us one thing Bobby would not like for you to tell us.”
Buck’s laughter is the only thing he can hear.
“Oh, Eddie, risky!”
Athena’s face is the look of mischief. “Sometimes my husband over here wants to wear socks to bed, if you catch my meaning,” she wiggles her eyebrows, looks around at everyone. “I don’t let him, of course.”
This just might be the loudest everyone’s laughed so far.
“Hey, I’m old, ok? A guy gets cold,” Bobby tries to go for nonchalant, but his cheeks are almost neon red.
“I’ll tell you guys,” Maddie starts, and Chimney immediately starts groaning. “Mr. Chimney has tried that once or twice on me. Stay strong, Athena!”
They laugh, and Athena spins. It lands on Eddie, but Maddie stops them.
“Nah, he just went, let the guy breathe. Spin again.”
It lands on Karen this time.
“Truth or dare, babe?”
“Truth.”
“Who’s your favorite? Michael or me?”
“You guys really need to quit the favorite thing,” Maddie complains from the couch, while Karen laughs.
“Nah, sis, Imma have a shot,” she says, and does.
She spins, and it lands on Buck.
“Alright, Buck! Truth or dare?”
Buck smirks. “Dare.”
Karen looks at Chimney. They smirk at each other.
“Brave, brave boy,” she says. “Take a shot, Buck.”
He looks confused. “Is that the dare?”
“Take the shot.”
He’s still confused, Eddie can see, but he does as he’s told.
“Good boy, Buck. Ready?”
“Yep,” he says, popping the p at the end.
“Seven minutes in heaven. You and Eddie.”
It’s Eddie’s turn to choke.
It feels as though someone hit the slow-motion button on the universe’s remote. He can feel his heart beating in his chest, can hear as everyone cheers and groans and laughs around them. When he’s able to focus again, Buck is already standing up and he’s offering one hand down to Eddie.
Taking it is both the easiest and riskiest thing Eddie could do tonight.
This has to be a fever dream, right? There’s no way this is happening to Eddie. They’re all adults. All drunk out of their minds, playing a stupid game of truth or dare. There’s no way this is happening.
But, hey. If this is a fever dream, then might as well take the chance while he has it. If he’s hallucinating, then there’ll be no consequences.
He takes Buck’s hand.
Karen and Chimney high five.
Eddie can hear as Athena yells “just go in the bathroom”, but Buck was already one step ahead of her. He locks the door and turns off the light, as dictate seven minutes in heaven rules.
They’re quiet, but they’re breathing heavy. Eddie has his back against the wall, and he’s reminded, yet again, of just how damn big Buck is, especially when he’s all up in Eddie’s space like this, when his hands are bracketing Eddie’s head, keeping him in place.
“Hi,” Buck says, and Eddie can hear the smile in his voice.
“Hi,” he replies, and he hates how breathless he sounds, but the only thing he can think of is the time they’re wasting. Seven minutes. Maybe the only seven minutes with Buck he’ll ever get. The clock is ticking.
“Is it ok, Eddie? We don’t have to do this.” He sounds careful, and Eddie hates it. He hates it when Buck’s careful with him, but what he hates more is the hesitation; hates that maybe Buck doesn’t want this, and that they’ve been forced into this situation by their pushy friends. He feels suddenly sober and he doesn’t like it.
“We don’t have to, Buck. It’s fine if you don’t want to. We’ll be fine.” He can’t help how dry his voice goes, how he sounds like he just lost something. He feels like he has.
There’s a pause. He can feel Buck moving, and suddenly there are big (thick, strong) hands around his jaw and cheeks, and Buck’s entire body is pressed against his, hot like a furnace.
“Oh, Eddie, I want it.”
And then he’s kissing Eddie, hard, his tongue pushing its way into Eddie’s mouth like it has a right to it, and, boy, Eddie is drunk.
Buck keeps his relentless assault on Eddie’s mouth as his hands move down, one settling on Eddie’s waist, and another going lower to grab a handful of his thigh, and Eddie, well. He’d be embarrassed, in any other circumstances, but right now all he can do is let out a small groan that still makes its way out despite their kiss, and Buck pulls away for a minute to laugh. Eddie is about to protest, except that Buck latches onto his neck next, and oh, oh, my God, this is embarrassing, but Eddie is painfully hard in his pants.
He moves one of his hands up where he can’t get a good tangle in Buck’s hair, because it’s so short (and ain’t that a shame?), but he can scrape his short nails against Buck’s scalp and the back of his neck. He learns that that does something, because Buck’s roughly shoving a leg in between Eddie’s, and suddenly there’s the amazing friction that Eddie so desperately wanted. He croaks out a broken get back up here, because he needs Buck’s tongue against his again, right now, or else he’s pretty sure he’s going to die.
He feels like the teenager he never really had the time to be. It’s intoxicating.
Buck’s hands are inside his shirt, moving up so, so slowly, when there’s a knock on the door and the spell breaks.
“Fuck,” Buck says, so heartfelt that it makes Eddie snort.
“Time’s up, boys,” Bobby says on the other side.
Buck squeezes his waist.
“Be right there,” he rasps out, and he sounds good.
Eddie knows he’ll never recover from this.
“We’re finishing this later, right?” Buck asks, and he sounds hopeful. Eddie knows this is their make-or-break moment.
“Come sleep over,” Eddie says, and before he can think, Buck’s kissing him again, hard, happy, smiling against Eddie’s lips.
“Every night, Eddie.” Another kiss. “Every night.”
They stumble out of the bathroom, shielding their eyes from the lights after the darkness inside. Everyone’s quiet for a moment, until Chim says:
“Damn, Eddie, sure you guys were making out and not that Buck was punching you on the neck?”
They all start laughing, and Eddie knows he’s blushing, but Buck hugs him, hiding his face in Eddie’s neck, as he says I’m sorry, and Eddie decides he doesn’t care. He starts laughing with them, because, really, this whole thing is ridiculous. He moves his hands inside Buck’s shirt, moving them up Buck’s back, and holding on tight.
Eddie feels distant, content to be hiding behind Buck’s body, drunk on the alcohol, but also on the smell of him, and nothing matters, until he hears Athena say:
“Does this mean the game is done?”
“The two of you suck!” Hen says, but she’s laughing.
“They sure will,” Chim adds, to which Eddie has to laugh.
“Congrats, Chim, that’s the first joke!” Buck says, muffled against Eddie, but somehow it still makes its way out and everyone laughs.
Maddie gets up from the couch. “Alright, let’s just go back to everyone having fun,” she says.
And they do.
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