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yizhou-time · 2 years ago

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HAECHAN’S BROKEN MELODY: AUTOPILOT

NCT DREAM’S BROKEN MELODIES

“Ah! There she is!” Hyunji, a girl you share English class with, shouts loud enough for most of the people in the hallway to hear, you’ve never spoken to her so you frown in confusion when she calls out your entry. No one had ever really looked at you besides when people had accidentally knocked your belongings out of your hands before quickly helping you pick them up or when Jocks had asked you for help studying (it ended up being you doing their homework and handing it in for them) so they could stay in their sport.

Hyunji let’s put a laugh as if you had said the funniest joke ever heard. “Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me?!” Your frown deepens as other students join in her laughing. “You’re kidding me, right?!” She continues to laugh, lightly hitting her friends who are also laughing with her. “Stalking our top guy? What’s next? You’re sleeping with him?”

Your eyes widen. Your senses heighten. All the colour drains from your face. “What?” You say, more to yourself than Hyunji but her laughing calms and she provides you an explanation.

She takes a deep breath and composes herself, a smile still present on her face. “You don’t need to pretend, we saw the pictures he took and the ones 23 and 42 took separately. You aren’t sneaky!” She starts to laugh again.

You drop your head down and walk through the hall as fast as you could, you would usually put your books in your locker but this time you wouldn’t risk it. Any questioning would make you cry or scream or both. The amount of eyes on you made you feel so small, like you shouldn’t be here. The sound of laughing made your ears ring.

How could any of this happen? Where did this rumour even spring from? This baseless rumour. Your grip on the books in your hands made your knuckles turn white.

The pace of your walking stayed the same as you made your way into the classroom, all eyes were on your but you kept your eyes set on your desk trying to tune everything out. The books you had landed hard on your desk and caused your peers to look away from you.

Everyone and everything stayed tuned out and turned away until the end of your lesson. Of course there was the odd whisper here and there but it was quickly put to an end when you met eyes with the people talking.

The bell rang, taking you out of your daze. You picked up your bag and placed it on your lap. Opening the zip you looked down at the keychain linked to it. A brown teddy bear in a sitting position with a red heart in the middle of its torso, it had a orange outline with and orange chain. Silently you ripped it off and stuffed it in your pocket, ready to return it whenever you saw that traitor next.

Your thoughts are interrupted by your teacher. “Y/N, could you stay behi-”

“I’m fine, thank you though.” You blankly reply, swinging your bag over your shoulder and making your way to the cafeteria.

The staring and whispering continued. The confidence you had built up in the classroom gradually disappeared as the noises got louder. The rumours had developed over a couple of hours and they were making you out to be crazy.

Slowly your walking comes to a halt and you turn around. You lifted your head up, eyes wandering to each person trying to recognise their faces and figure out if they know you or Haechan or have even spoken to you. Their beady eyes staring right back and still talking

“Who even said anything?” You said quietly however the talking continued, everything continued as if you weren’t there besides the fact they were talking about you. Doubting anyone heard you, you turned on your heel and continued to where you were going.

If he wasn’t in the cafeteria then you weren’t sure where he would be but even if he wasn’t there you could at least confront Chenle, who was constantly brutally honest with you, or Mark, who would tell you where Haechan was.

One voice could be heard over everyone else’s in the hall. Giggles and mumbles could be heard here and there but that one voice stuck out. The one voice that sung you to sleep. The one voice that told you you were beautiful, you were loved. It was like honey, it was addictive. Instead of telling you how much he loved you he was telling lies.

“And honestly I don’t know what’s wr-” Once again, everyone was looking at you and it was starting to get unbearable. Your breathing increased and you looked down to your pocket to retrieve the keychain your partner had originally gifted to you. Staring at it you considered pocketing it once more just to remind you that he did love you once. You know he did, he would have had to because you know him. Although you don’t know this new him you knew who he was. More than anything he was respectful, that’s why it took you so long to be together which is why this all stung a little more than it should.

Taking a deep breath you walk over to the table people were crowding. “Take it.” You say sticking your hand out to Haechan, the keychain placed in the middle of your palm. He stared at you and the gift, he went back and forth for a few moments before he took it. You retract your hand before he even gets a chance to grab it and say anything to you. “It was nice.” Lips in a thin line you nod at him, tears building up in your eyes.

“I’ll… I’ll leave you alone now. I’m sorry if you felt that I was being weird with you or even stalking. You won’t see me from now on.” Haechan stood up from his seat at the table, he couldn’t break his façade but he couldn’t see you cry. Not because of him. Not again. “I’ll go now.”

“Y/N.” You hear someone call, probably Jaemin going by the stern voice, but you ignore it and find a way out. Before you’re even out of the hall you can hear Haechan pick up where he left off.

Jaemin tailed behind you as you navigated the crowded halls. The stares, the voices, the laughing and the lies made you feel sick. Your heart dropped and there was a hole in your stomach. The tears you had held in originally began to fall. There was no going back now. You needed to please

“Look, it was me.” He races behind you. “We argued, he called me a loser, I called him a coward, he said he wasn’t and that he could prove it, I put the pictures on the school board and Jeno cropped Haechan out of his and posted them. I really didn’t think he would do this.” He tried to explain not even knowing I’d you’re listening to him or not. He doesn’t blame you if you aren’t but he so badly wants you to. As he talked he crashed into other students, not even apologising, too focused to getting through to you.

You push the entrance door open and taking your open out of your pocket. “I know it’s all my fault.” He finally caught up and stood next to you, slightly out of breath.

Wiping your tears and nose you finally replied to him. “Doesn’t matter. He lied. He could have owned up to it but he didn’t. Now I look worse than I already did and he looks so cool.” You let out a sarcastic laugh.

Jaemin check his pockets, presumably for a tissue but doesn’t find one and opts to use his sleeve to wipe your tears. The shirt material was soft and comforting, something you wanted to feel since Hyunji mentioned the rumours.

“I can call Haechan over… maybe talking it out with him will help, hm?” He offers ever so softly, moving his hand from your face to your shoulder closest to him and giving it a comforting pat.

“This isn’t how it should be Jaemin. You’re here with me, trying to make me feel better, when you should be in there.” You gesture back to the school. “I just want to go home.” Pushing off his hand you place each of your own on your backpack straps and time to him.

You turn to face him, “It was really nice meeting you Jaemin.” Smiling at him through tears you explain further when you see him frown in confusion much like you had earlier. “If people find out that I didn’t get the scholarship because I was smart and because Haechan’s parents think I’m nice it’s game over. We’ve been hiding us for over a year and he’s already spinning lies. I’m not doing it, I can’t.”

He reaches his hand out to you but you move back. “It was a shame we met this way because I think you’re a lovely guy. See you whenever, 42.” He steps forward to try and catch your arm but you had already turned away heading out the school’s campus.

“Let me in, please!” You hear a voice shout, followed with a bang on your front door. Once again you ignore it and continue to cut vegetables, it goes through one ear and out the other. You’ve heard enough from him today.

When you came home you headed straight upstairs, flying past your parents who didn’t have time to question you. They gave each other an understanding look assuming you weren’t feeling it today before continuing as they were, packing to go back to work after their lunch break.

Slamming your bedroom door after you, you look around the space. He was everywhere. The large teddy bear on your bed, photos of the two of you, his clothes he left from previous nights with his excuse being that he’ll be back soon so it would be a waste of energy taking them, you even had the matching pyjamas he got the pair of you out on your bed ready in case he wanted to stay tonight because he usually did on a Wednesday night.

You move to the desk in the corner of your room, as you sit down a picture of him stares back at you. It was your 3rd date, one he insisted you go on. A picnic in the hills. He went out and got a picnic blanket as well as made all the food himself, he needed to prove how serious he was about you and if doing everything himself proved that he would do it. Your previous dates had been fancy food at his house made by his chef but you told him you had to see Donghyuck, not Haechan, on your next date or you wouldn’t even entertain the thought of being with him.

The sky was clear and the sun was a warm yellow, it landed on his face perfectly as it highlighted his honey like skin while also showing each mole perfectly. It was a natural photo too, he was talking about Star Wars while looking off into the distance. With his eyes away you pulled your phone up from your lap and took the photo. He didn’t even know about it until a few months later when you first let him in your room and he saw it placed neatly on the desk.

You glare at the photo in the frame and pull it down so you couldn’t see it anymore, you’re sure the glass smashed. Glass being the least of your worried you opened your phone to check the school’s notice board, there it all was. Jaemin’s post.

Pictures of you either at Haechan’s house or where Haechan had been. Most of them having him cropped out to make it look like you’re trailing him. Some of the photos were ones he had taken himself, you know because he would send them to you and tell you how pretty you looked. The pictures were followed with one caption, ‘Haechan knows Y/N, hm?’

Choi Hyunji replied: I knew she was strange! She completely blew me off when we first spoke!

Kim Ara replied: Loads of people like him but going this far? Come on!

Lee Jeno replied: Here’s more >> [3 Attachments]

Yoo Jimin replied: Saw Ara reply, didn’t she do the same in middle school?

Han Bomin replied: She used to watch our practice, I know she was waiting for me because of tutoring but she probably used the time to see him.

Kim Doyoung replied: Stalker! Haechan said he’d tell us as lunch, come join!!!!!!

You scrunched your nose rethinking the comments on the bulletin post, completely ignoring the fist still pounding on your front door. “I won’t be more than five minutes, just let me explain!” The man on the other side continued to beg.

Calmly you placed down the knife and pushed the cutting board back. You exit the kitchen and stand behind the door.

“Who is it?” You ask, you know who it is.

“Haechan.” The door opens and he sees you there in all your beauty. Even with bloodshot eyes and a red face you were still so beautiful to him, so beautiful he could kiss you right then and there.

“It’s me, please just let me in.” He asks once more.

“Sorry, I don’t know a Haechan. You might have the wrong house.” You give a small smile before closing the door.

Not wanting to lose his only chance he places his foot in the way to make you open it once more. Thinking on his feet he replies “What about a Donghyuck? Do you know a Donghyuck?”

You think for a moment before responding. “I did, once.” You stare at him, expecting a fast and witty response however you get nothing.

He clears his throat after a moment, he was going to have to play your game. “I have a message to pass on, from Donghyuck.”

He moves his foot out from the door and stands up straight.

“He thinks you’re it for him, that there’s no one else he’d rather be with. He’s sorry that he made you cry today and he’s sorry you’ve cried because of him before. He behaved that way because he thought of his reputation first which I have since beat him up for.” He hears you giggle and takes this as a good sign and carry’s on. “He thought you wouldn’t understand what it’s like being where he is and that you would hurt him, but you’re so in love with him that we both know you wouldn’t do that to him.”

Tears well up in your eyes, he wants to punch himself for making you sad again. “He’s sorry he lied. After talking to his other friend Jaemin he came to the conclusion that you’re the best thing that ever happened to him and he now knows that what he did has made you have second thoughts about even being here and for that he apologises. He couldn’t come here because he is a coward, Donghyuck is a coward.”

Silence falls over both of you as he looks at you lovingly while you stare longingly into the distance. Your hand falls from the door handle and you put both of them together.

“I didn’t think Donghyuck would ever hurt my feelings. He was so special to me. He was it for me as well, we were supposed to be together forever. I constantly ran after him even though I knew I would get hurt. Now I have.” Haechan steps in the doorway and wipes your now falling tears. “I’ve never been so hurt before, I thought he loved me you know.”

You finally meet his eyes and he wishes you didn’t. What had he done? The pain in your eyes made his heart wrench and his body physically hurt, he could only imagine how you were feeling right now.

“I thought I had someone that made me feel special, after all the years of people pushing me away I thought Donghyuck would make me feel like the most special person on the planet.” You take his hands off your face carefully and hold them in your own. The look in your eyes is too much for the boy across from you and he pulls you in for a hug.

He begins to stroke your hair while the other arm rests on your waist, pulling you into him. You do the same, circling both on your arms around his waist as you silently cry. “I know he loves you and all he wants is for you to feel that special.” He tries to soothe your cries.

“No he doesn’t. He embarrassed me, he lied about me, he hurt me Haechan.” You grip the back of his shirt, unsure as to why but you did it regardless. “He doesn’t know what it’s like to be poked fun at, he doesn’t have to deal with that and then he makes up lies about me to make it worse.”

You sob loudly and it squeezes his heart more. “Did you tell him people poked fun at you?” How much were you keeping from him?

“No, he wouldn’t do anything about it anyway. He couldn’t.” No, he could, he just wouldn’t and he knew that.

“It was all too good to be true, I should have said no from the start.” Haechan’s stroking slows and eventually comes to a halt upon realising what you meant. You had made him work so hard because you weren’t sure if he was serious and now you wished you said no. It was almost like you knew he would end up hurting you and that made him want to cry himself.

He lets go of you and you do the same, his own tears had began to well up on his eyes, his nose was turning red which was a clear sign he was going to cry. “What? You mean that?” He manages to get out.

“I don’t know him anymore. He’s not… Donghyuck, he’s just Haechan. I don’t like Haechan, I like Donghyuck. Haechan thinks he’s a hot shot, Donghyuck thinks he should be the little spoon regardless of how tall he is.” You sniffle a laugh and then wipe your hands on your pyjama bottoms.

“I think you should go, Haechan.”

“No.”

“No?”

“I think I should stay.”

“I don’t like you Haechan, I told you that.”

“I love you.”

The room is silent again and he walks past you, shutting the front door behind himself.

“Whether you think I’m Haechan or Donghyuck, that doesn’t matter, I love you.”

“Then why did you lie?” Ouch. He can’t come back from that because it’s the truth. “Hearing you and everyone lie about me and the way I am made me feel physically sick.”

“Y/N lo-”

“You don’t get to come here and say that you love me after the things you said today. If you were as serious about me as you say you are you wouldn’t have.”

“But I am!” He turns to you and points at you. “I love you! More than I love myself and every single day I think about what I’m supposed to do when people find out about us! I swore to Jaemin I would say something and I didn’t, ok?!”

You push his hand away and turn away from him “I didn’t ask if you loved me or what you would do when people find out about us, I asked why you lied?”

He quietly walks towards you and hugs you from behind, placing a kiss on the top of your head then your temple then your cheek and resting his chin on your shoulder. It’s a sweet action with good intentions only however the situation makes it far from sweet, it makes it apologetic and pitiful.

He leans his head to the side to lean against your own. “I have no excuse and for that I’m sorry.” You nod, not trusting your words. “I have no excuse for the way I behaved today, I don’t ever want to hurt you and you know that.” He presses a kiss onto your shoulder and stays there.

“Can we not see each other anymore? Please? It’s not just today and you know that. We aren’t good for each other right now, my love.” He lets you go as his hands fall and you turn around to face him once again. Placing both of your hands on his cheeks you bring him in and place a soft hiss on his forehead, it lasts for a while and Haechan think this may be your last.

He brings hands to rest on your wrists, still looking at you with so much love.

“You hurt me in so many ways, but today just the most. I hope you can understand where this is coming from.” He silently nods. “I’ll see you around in a few days or so, you’ll know I’m safe like you used to. I just can’t put myself through this anymore, you know that.”

“Just because I’m not fighting now doesn’t mean I won’t be, I’ll keep fighting and waiting.” He responds determined.

“You should go before my parents get back, I need to make them dinner.” Haechan shakes his head and holds onto you tightly.

If he stayed any longer he’d only hurt you more than he already had over the past few months and especially today. “It’ll all be the same, we just won’t see each other outside of school. You really have to go now though, Hyuck.”

There is was. Hyuck. He so badly wanted you to call him that tonight but not now.

Finally, he nods. You let go of his cheeks and he lets go of your wrists. The pair of you stare at each other for what seems like hours just trying to understand how the other person feels but you just can’t, too consumed in your own hurt. Maybe it was better if you didn’t understand each other right now, that way you wouldn’t have to live with knowing why he lied or why you left him.

Haechan hesitantly walks back to the front door and he remembers his first time coming through it, how happy you were to finally be allowed to have him at your house. He wants to smile at the memory but he can’t, he’ll never know if he’ll come back through it and that hurts him more than anything else. He wanted to build a home with you the way your parents did but the thought of never knowing if you’ll be waiting for him in that home makes this all sting a bit more.

“I love you too.” You whisper. He turns around to see you right behind him. “You said you love me, I love you too.” He kisses the crown of your head before quickly making his exit, the door shutting with a soft click behind him.

Immediately he hears you sob and he stops on your porch to collect himself. Every time he had broken himself you would spend hours trying to put each piece back together and hold it in place however he couldn’t do the same with you. He was the one chipping off pieces overtime and now you’re ere left with barely anything. Now he had to go and find them, bring them back to you and hold it all together himself because if he doesn’t he’s not sure what he’ll do.

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