#broken characters

[urdepressedslut]

All I Know ❝part five❞

☆ Pairing: Bucky Barnes x OC/The Winter Soldier x OC

☆ Summary: Problems arise when Bucky over hears the girl mumble something in her sleep. There's something off about her.

☆ Warnings: angst, fluff, anxiety attack

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT | 18+

“You're going to kill them because I've taught you to obey, and do nothing but obey.”

Blink

“..I've taught you to obey, and do nothing but obey.”

Blink

“..and do nothing but obey.”

Blink

“...obey.”

Blink

“Do you understand x001?”

Blink

“x001…”

Blink

“DO YOU UNDERSTAND?”

Blink

“OBEY”

_________________________________

Bucky decided that he'd stay awake and gaze out the balcony window, knowing sleep would be hard to come. He feared if he shut his eyes, he'd be sucked into more memories. A part of him craved to know everything of who he used to be, but another wanted nothing of it. He wasn't the man he was from the memories, the ones with the blonde.. Steve.

Getting his memories back wouldn't change the fact that he is only a shell of who he was. There was no getting him back.

Thoughts of Steve realizing that tugged at his heart, his emotions confusing him. He figured Steve was important to him, but it frustrated him that he couldn't fully understand the bond. He was left trying to put together the empty spaces, of which he was tired of.

Shuffling from the girls form near the mattress caught Bucky's attention. Jealous that she accepted sleep so easily, but also fearing what she could possibly be dreaming about.

Focusing on her from his spot near the window, he watched her carefully.

"Soldat?"

A whisper from her lips had Bucky stiffening up, his heart started beating rapidly.

His flesh hand grew clammy, while his vibranium  limb tensed up. He felt frozen to his spot, not daring to move a muscle, in fear he'd trigger her. Her eyes were closed he took note of, but she had whispered so clear, it had his ears tingling while his body erupted with goosebumps. His flesh fingertips were almost completely numb, while his chest tightened, his lungs straining to expand.

His mind flooded with chaos..

Was this the plan to get The Asset back? She was a possible handler.. no. She seems harmless.. no she's dangerous and she could take me down with one touch. Does she know the words? Did I walk myself into HYDRA's trap?

Bucky let out a wheeze, exhaling the trapped air in his lungs. His body slumping forward in exhaustion, he could hear his own blood rushing through his veins, his mind racing. Attempting to take a deep breath to soothe the tightness in his chest, his throat constricted, not allowing any air to pass through. His vision blurred, his flesh hand grabbing at chest in desperation. Flinging his metal arm out, he grabbed the edge of the kitchen counter in a death grip, denting the cheap material in the process. Squeezing his eyes shut, he felt weak, letting his body lock in this permanent state of anguish.

Just barely, Bucky felt the tiniest wave of tranquility flow through his mind, easing his grip on the counter. Like a wall had been lifted from his crushed body, his throat cleared. His lungs burning and expanding, finally allowing air in. Leaning back against  the cabinets, Bucky let his limbs hand loosely at his sides, his once bent knees fall. How he was able to snap out of an episode like that? He ignored it, accepting the calm without question. The apartment fell back into a comfortable silence, the sound of his slowing heartbeat, along with an occasional cough.

Cracking open his eyes, he immediately checked Mary, hoping that she was still asleep. He felt embarrassed at a possibility of her watching him unravel. Bucky was never that lucky though.

Curious, concerned eyes were watching him cautiously from afar. Bucky met hers, almost as a silent conversation was being had, he nodded his head to her, letting her know he was okay. He wanted to ask how long she'd been awake, but he rather forget it altogether. Shuffling his body so he faced back towards the window, he let his exhausted eyes gaze out the window, focusing on nothing in particular.

Mary meanwhile couldn't find it in herself to fall back asleep, so she stayed awake, watching Bucky. He confused her, she couldn't quite find the reason of her many suspicions, but something continued to tug at her brain at every glance of Bucky she got.

_________________________________

Bucky finally moved from his spot from the floor, not moved since last night. Cracking his stiff neck, he glanced to see if Mary had moved from her spot. Although he wasn't surprised to find her in the same position as he last saw her, he was shocked to see her picking at the floor, wide awake like she never slept.

Taking a deep breath, Bucky stood fully and walked over to the fridge, grabbing another water bottle out for her. Shuffling over he squatted, placing the bottle down in front of her, gaining her full attention now.

Mary stared at the bottle, remembering his words from yesterday. He told her she didn't have to obey, she could make her own decisions. But she liked following, she found it comforting when it was him giving the orders.

Bucky saw the hesitation when she glanced up to him, and he should've known it would take more then one talk to get her out of these habits.

"Drink. It's yours." He told her, trying his best to not have it sound like a demand.

With a nod she twists the cap off, and gulps down a heavy amount.

"Not too fast, you're gonna get sick." Bucky warned, the mother instinct briefly showing itself again. He winced and stood back up, heading to the kitchen area.

She immediately slowed down her drinking, despite her feeling incredibly dehydrated.

"Bucky." She called out, voice staying quiet and soft.

Bucky turned to her, waiting for her to continue.

She had set the bottle down, pointing to the balcony, towards the outside. Bucky was waiting for her to want to explore, knowing it was unfair to keep her in here. He wasn't necessarily worried about her going outside, it was everyone else that he didn't trust. A constant possibility of someone from HYDRA spotting her, even him.

“It’s not safe out there.” He told her truthfully, ashamed to have to live in fear.

The girl frowned and glanced to the window again, hating the way she could see the outside from her spot, wishing she could explore.

Bucky felt bad almost immediately, watching her face drop. Surely, if she was from HYDRA, she’d understand why it wasn’t that easy.

“Sorry, people might spot us.” He clarified.

“You go out, yes?” She asked, making a good point. He was hoping she wasn’t going to pry, but after being isolated for as long as she was, he didn’t blame her for pushing.

“Not without difficulty. I’m very careful.”

She nodded her head, taking in his words.

“I can be careful too.” She whispered, her eyes desperate, full of fear that she’d be kept away from the outside forever.

He was giving in slowly, her saddened eyes making his heart ache. He understood her more than anyone could and he wouldn’t be the one to isolate her anymore then she already has been.

“Okay,” He started, Mary perked up, “I’ll take you outside soon, but it’s dangerous out there. You have to stay close to me, and listen to me when we go, okay?”

Mary nodded her head, he didn’t know it, but she would follow him regardless of him asking. She was very loyal, willing to do just about anything for him. He saved her, and she felt she owed him an impossible debt.

[purebloodnana]

I am sure, we all have our favourite characters and after many years, there are a lot of different kinds. And I love all of them, don't get me wrong here. BUT!

Sth I realized over the years: I want them to be broken. Really broken - just fucked up sometimes. I want them to have flaws, real ones.

I don't want an all sunshine kind of character, who is happy all the time and who never has a bad day.

I want them to have issues and even though I love a good character development, sometimes.. I don't want them to solve these problems. Especially in fanfics!

I just love a character who is actually written in character and doesn't change to a total different character with some kind of magic love yada yada yada. You know what I mean, right?

I NEED flaws.. not just cute little characteristics who could.. maybe... with both eyes closed.. be some kind of.. something. You know?

As much as I like many different kinds of characters. There is just something about broken ones. Fucked up and even if there is a ship happening.. love doesn't change them as much.

Of course I want them to be happy in the end. But I want them to be happy and still be the SAME character. So not everything will be lovey dovey.

I don't need a character who suddenly starts to quote poems out of nowwhere and do all kinds of romantic things, when this just does not fit the character! I want a romance who can work out, even though there are these flaws and differences and maybe there are hard topics.

I can fix him < I don't want to fix him

I love all my broken characters. They have my heart ♥

[akanemnon]

That's two jailbreaks in one day!

FIRST - PREVIOUS - NEXT

MASTERPOST (for the full series / FAQ / reference sheets)

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Look what we've become.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[skunkes]

the restrained sniffer

[orionshounds]

he cares so much about them, but he has never known how to show it

and now, it’s too late.

[tapeworrmart]

Crush my ribs

[royalarchivist]

Bad: I don’t think people understand the effect QSMP had on some of the streamers in terms of like… The real raw mental impact, so I’m gonna set the stage for you. [...] Imagine that you were given a friend to play Minecraft with — like your best friend — BUT if this person dies, if they die in the game, you never get to talk to them again. Can you imagine what that’s like?

Bad: If you did not live through the QSMP, if you did not live through that, it almost sounds like, crazy. But I don’t think people realize how much of a joyous experience the Eggs were. They were SO awesome! They were literally so awesome to just hang out with and spend time with.

Bad: I’m not saying I regret it. To this day, I loved the experience. I’d do it all over again in a heartbeat. Even knowing how everything went, I would still do it all over again. [...] I would still do it all over again, because — even knowing like, all the trauma and suffering and stuff like that — because it was just… It was just that fun, it was just that fun.

Earlier today during his stream, Bad shared his experience and thoughts about the Eggs and the significant emotional (and traumatic) impact they had on him and his fellow QSMP members.

This clip a very edited-down version since his commentary was ~13 minutes long, so I highly recommend checking out Bad's VOD if you have the time. (Timestamp: 47:36 - 1:00:14)

[ Full Transcript ↓ ]

———

Bad: To be fair Chat, I really think the QSMP... I don't think anyone really can relate to it, Chat. It's something that's so... I've told people this before, like– but it's hard to understand. Right? Like...

Where was I? Sorry Chat, I'm losing my train of thought. Look, let me explain Chat– here's the dealio, ok? Here's the dealio, and this is what I mean when I say like, it's important to keep this in mind, Chat. Ok? It's important to keep this in mind:

I don’t think people understand the effect that the QSMP had on like, some of the streamers, in terms of like… The real raw mental impact, so I’m gonna set the stage for you. This is the analogy I’ve given to every person who I’ve like, shared this with. Imagine you meet somebody– [He hears a strange noise] What the fudge was that? Did you hear that?

Anyway– Chip! The story I was just relaying to Chat, Chip, was this: I was sharing this story with them, I said–  I was giving them an analogy. 

Imagine Chat, for example, imagine that you were… playing Minecraft, with like– you were given a friend to play Minecraft with, Chat, like your best friend, and [unintelligible] were like, “Hey, you get to play Minecraft with this person, right? BUT if this person dies – they’re currently your best friend, Chip – but if they die in the game, you never get to talk to them again. Ever again.” Can you imagine what that’s like, Chip?

I don’t think a lot of people understand like, what that does, right? I’m not gonna say that like, it creates this situation, Chip, that like, messes with your head, but it– Chip – but it totally, totally does, Chip. It messes with your head! It literally puts you in a position where you’re second-guessing and thinking about everything, Chip! You’re thinking about EVERYTHING Chip! Ok? And that’s the problem, Chip– is you turn into a paranoid monster because of it, Chip! Like, you don’t understand Chip– I was- I was so afraid of every dirt block, I used to carry a shovel with me Chip, and I would specifically right-click dirt blocks that looked suspicious because mines, Chip– mines could not be shoveled! Like, I was crazy, Chip! But here’s the problem, Chip: that craziness is still there. I’m genuinely like–

I remember thinking Chip, that I would one day– I was like, “I’m going to move past–” here, let’s go up here, Chip. I remember thinking one day Chip, I was like, “I’m gonna move past the underground base, one of these days. You know, one of these days, I feel like I’ll be able to grow and achieve the desire to build a base that doesn’t have to be underground.” But I don’t think it’s possible now Chip, because I think… I just don’t know. I feel like the paranoia– there’s still like, residual leftover trauma from that situation, Chip.

But here’s the problem Chip: I don’t think I don’t think– I don’t think people understand it. Like, I just really don’t. But I also don’t blame them Chip, ���cuz I don’t think it’s possible to fully understand it if you haven’t lived through it. Like, if you did not live through the QSMP… I’m talking about the QSMP, I don’t- I don’t know if that was obvious– if you did not live through that, it almost sounds like, crazy. But I don’t think people realize how much of a joyous experience like, the Eggs were. Right? I don’t think people realize it. Like, they were SO awesome! They were literally so awesome to just hang out with and spend time with, Chip. So, it’s just one of those things that–

[He’s interrupted by a loud rumble of thunder above them]

Did lightning just strike here? Is it thunderstorming out…? But anyway, Chip. That’s the food for thought.

But that’s the problem– Like, every time it rains in Minecraft, I have to like, look at the sky, and I get this weird, like, second--hand vibe because of the trauma. The trauma, Chip! The trauma is real! But that’s the point– I’m not saying I regret it. I, to this day Chip, I loved the experience. I’d do it all over again in a heartbeat. Even knowing how everything went, I would still do it all over again. 

[He falls down] Dangit, don’t come over here Chip, ‘cuz I’m coming back up! Ok.

I would still do it all over again, because — even knowing like, all the trauma and suffering  and stuff like that — because it was just… It was just that fun, Chip, it was just that fun. I really wi– I don’t think it’s ever gonna be possible, Chip, to give people that same energy, like that same experience. You know what I mean, Chip? I don’t think it’s ever gonna be possible again. Like, EVER.

Because… because like, one: I will say on one level Chip, I will say on one level, like– it’s sort of emotionally like… It’s emotionally devastating, and I think to actually go through that– and this is where like, if I ever do end up going to a– see a therapist, if I ever do end up going to see a therapist at any point, I’ll talk it over with them and be like, “Hey, what do you think about this?” Because I genuinely think on one level, like– it’s created this fear of forming attachments because of like, how things can go. You know what I mean? Like, the fear of getting attached to something and then potentially losing it. Like, it’s- it’s a genuine thing. I think people forget about that.

Like, at the end of the day, everything was RP, right? On the server. You know what I mean? Like, everything was RP, Chip. BUT at the same point, even though it was RP Chip, it was still like– there the reality of you were still playing like, with another person, and you were still getting that experience, and it felt like you were genuinely attached to someone and you didn’t want anything bad to happen to them. It was GENUINELY stressful, Chip.

But at the same point, I don’t regret it, and I don’t think it was a bad experience. I’m– 

Sometimes in life Chip, you go through stuff, and maybe you have a certain amount of like, things that like, can happen, that you’re like, “You know what, maybe this wasn’t a good thing that this happened,” but at the same point, you still aren’t necessarily upset about it, because… it’s like growing as a person, right? Here’s the thing Chip; even bad situations, Chip, can lead to an overall good outcome. Like–

Even if you’re going through something bad Chip, just because a bad thing happens doesn’t mean that only bad things have to come from that. That’s one of the things I tell people all the time, Chip, is that if you go through a bad situation, you can learn from it, and you can use your experience to help others. And you can be that– you can be, at the worst-case scenario, you can be someone for other people who are going through that same experience to lean on when they go through that.I think there’s a certain amount of comfort that comes from that; from knowing no matter how bad your situation is, you’re not the only person who’s experienced it. You know what I mean?

[bleaksqueak]

Solivaga Tarot - ✦ STRENGTH ✦ After a lot of thought, there was no better card that most represents our noble Reaper.

[justmeandmyships]

The reason I like broken and misunderstood characters is because I'm broken and misunderstood too 😭😭😭

[dovewingkinnie]

an idea for the contestant and his personality!!!! he might have a canon one already but ^-^ just a silly idea you cant see his face but you can just sense the thousand yard stare

[cronchy-baguette]

i've caved yall... the way i am so normal about laezel and shadowheart (stay tuned....)

[cryptid-wc-designs]

Simple design for the gray man!

I think im obsessed with giving toms big cheeks (tomcat jowls) it brings joy

[heybiji]

[ohposhers]

doodle of the grungiest old man hedgehog i have ever seen god bless @teamchillidogs 's Broken Future AU

[spearxwind]

🌊 OCEAN JOYRIDE ✈

Group picture of almost all of the dragons from Broken Horizon! I tried a bunch of different style things for this it was so fun to draw that it took legit willpower to put it down as done x)

Bonus closeups bc i lovingly drew all of my guys: