#broad city s2

[detectivedimplez]

Im watching Hacks and there are some dropout people on here (and 2nd degree connections)! So far Ive seen Trey from Broad City which in a previous post i mentioned had dropout people on. We got Rekha Shankar (who was also on BC), Anna Garcia, and now in s2 we got Mano Agapion! Can’t wait to see more :)

Also this show is hilarious and makes me so emotional

[thosetwofirefighters]

was tagged by @mooshkat (thank you friend!!) to list 8 tv shows for my followers to get to know me better!

for someone who repeatedly watches the same shows over and over and hyperfixates on certain fandoms, you’d think this would be easy for me but …. it’s not 😂

1. 9-1-1 2. 9-1-1: Lone Star 3. Young Royals 4. The Mentalist (Patrick Jane my beloved...) 5. Broad City 6. The Good Place 7. Black Mirror 8. Disjointed

I will always be re-watching at least one of these, if not multiple (right now, it's Broad City and 9-1-1 hehe)

anyway, since I just watch the same shows over and over again, I'm excited to see what everyone else watches! @wheelsupin-five (I tried tagging two-cut-lines at first lmao) @paqerings @lilbuddie @the-likesofus @shortsighted-owl @poughkeepsies @alyxmastershipper @leslieknopeinthepit

[lactoseintolerentswag]

Rise Characterizations: The Foot Clan

Since I've posted on Cass, I figured it would be useful to post separately on the Foot Clan as a whole.

So the Foot Clan's obvious goal is the resurrect The Shredder.

They have paralleled origins to that of the Hamato Clan, the distinction of which caused by Karai splitting into her own clan.

One of the only mentioned laws of the Foot Clan is: you can only take control by succeeding where those have failed.

This leaves room to interpret that there could be a history of in-fighting or struggle for power within the Foot Clan.

Ranking:

To officially join the Foot Clan, a recruit must attempt an assigned solo mission, and return with success. The more missions a recruit/member go on, the more they are qualified to be raised to a higher ranking.

A foot marking on a face is implied to accompany a higher level of respect. Since Huginn and Muninn haven't raised their rank higher than the equivalent of a 2, we can assume that getting a foot print you must be a rank 3 or higher.

Members:

Foot Lt. offhandedly mentioned they get recruits online in "ninja chat rooms", so it seems they prioritize quantity over quality.

Then there are the origami warriors, who serve as canon fodder. We see the origami warriors as the earliest army of the Foot Clan, but this is ruined with the turtles' involvement. I wonder what determines the value between the origami warriors and the human members.

The Foot Clan is already kind of built on flimsy foundations. Foot Lt. and Foot Brute seem to be the only ones in the know of what's going on (being able to navigate through the Hidden City, use/locate mystic artifacts, and have some knowledge of the Hamato Clan), but even they don't really understand the Shredder's motivations. It makes me question how "human" or disconnected from their humanity they are, especially considering the flaming heads and purple skin.

There is some mentioned donors of the Foot Clan (such as Jocelyn's parents), but after the Shredder was detained in Seasons 2's opening, the members of the Foot Clan kind of jumped ship. This forced Cass to find purpose elsewhere, and Foot Lt. and Brute to retreat to the shadows. When the Shredder returns, it's just the three of them. This might have to do with where they recruit from.

In-fighting and changes between leadership through violence could also lead to muddled history and values. These people aren't bound together by one purpose, just broad destructive chaos.

Names and identities don't be appeared to be valued within the Foot Clan. For the majority of the show Cassandra is referred to as "Foot Recruit", and the only names we're offered with the two leaders are "Foot Lt. and "Foot Brute". This is could be read as a gag, but again Foot Clan history is completely open to interpretation.

Goals:

We've discussed their connection to Shredder's resurrection, but even beyond him what they're really aiming at it world domination and destruction. We see this reflected in Cass with her inherit fierceness, but also how she deals with the fallout of the Foot Clan by raising an army of brownie scouts to take over the world.

And then there's the inherit role of servitude that both Foot Lt. and Brute put themselves under. When Draxum dons the armor they "await" his orders (with the misunderstanding that the Shredder has risen), and when asked what they expect the Shredder to do they simply shrug and say "shred". They live to serve and destroy for a higher power beyond their understanding. A few lines that particularly stuck out to me in the movie was: "Tonight we liberate our masters from their dimensional prison. With this key we shall free them to lay waste to this world and enslave its people."

And finally I'd like to discuss their relationship with the Krang and the key.

Since the events of s2 the Foot Clan appears to have taken residence in an abandoned garden, whether it was the same in which the boys had broken into to smell the corpse flower remains unclear to My findings. Their numbers have grown again for an unknown reason, and they have been collecting parts of the dimensional gate and finally key.

I would also like to mention the inclusion of the boat and dock here. Especially since we were introduced to the Foot Clan through their paper thievery, and the boys had their first win against them on a similar boat that served as a paper hoard.

Moving back to the Krang, they have a similar fundamental misunderstanding of their place in relation to their masters, as they did with their master the shredder. It begs me to ask the question of when exactly and how did Lieutenant and Brute start giving attention to the Krang.

They were never mentioned before during the show, but in the movie Lieutenant does refer to them by name, "We shall follow the Krang as they lead the Foot Clan to glory!" So did this reach for a new master come from desperate research on the Shredder's origins, or was that the end goal when the Shredder was released? The oni that gave Shredder is shown to be a Krang before they were even confirmed, and the armor appears eerily similar to the armor that the three Krang don in the final sequence of the movie.

Then the source of empyrean (the source of mysticsm, yokai, mutants) is shown to come from a kraang corpse. There's so much of the Foot Clan tied to the Krang manipulating Oroku Saki, but a lot of their origins appear to be lost to history.

But again that leaves much to interpretation and wiggle room to poke at!!

[amuseoffyre]

Good Omens Locations - S2 E2

This is gonna be a meaty one :D

Edinburgh Castle - it's the west side of the castle, looking towards the crags (in the right place), but keep an eye on that castle. It goes rogue and moves about depending on the angle. They even acknowledged it in the X-ray that castle ends up places it shouldn't be.

The Edinburgh Graveyard - this was one of the locations filmed in Stirling. I have vague recollections that they used the old cemetery, but as is typical, there are a couple of graveyards on either side of Stirling Castle, so I can't be sure I picked the right one since you can't really googlemap a graveyard.

Old Town Edinburgh - For this one, they used Broad Street in Stirling, not far from the castle, then pasted the Edinburgh castle background in place.

Presumably Newington, where Mr Dalrymple works - Most of Newington hadn't been built then but to make it visibly fancier than Broad Street, they're smack dab in the centre of the Georgian New Town of Edinburgh for this one, on Moray Place.

Mr Dalrymple's Library - This is one of the libraries from Hopetoun House near South Queensferry.

Victoria Street, Edinburgh - represented by... Victoria Street, Edinburgh :D In the Old Town and one of the most photographed streets in the city. Please note the castle playing peekaboo.

The Resurrectionist - A mile and a bit away from the place where Aziraphale parks the Bentley, the Resurrectionist is a functioning pub called The Cask and Barrel on West Preston Street. The Resurrectionist is a far better name, methinks.

The only one I can't pin-point is where they filmed the yellow car sequence. I narrowed it down to several options because it's beside what looks like a lake or reservoir with a wind farm close-by and in sight of a main transit road for heavy goods in proximity, but is not a main public road itself due to the lack of road markings on it.

[flaggermuser]

Moon Pie

Homelander x Luna (Supe OC)

18+

1,174 words || Consensual Non-Consent, Somnophilia, Overstimulation, Established Relationship, OC is a Supe, Stress Relief, Explicit Sexual Content, Cunnilingus, Secret Relationship || AO3 link

This takes place in the year between S2 & 3. Luna is a moon-powered supe whose powers are tied to the lunar cycle.

Special thanks to @theonlymanintheskyisme for being my beta hostage & @blindmagdalena for the title

Divider by Firefly-Graphics

He needs her.

It's been a bad day which very quickly turned into a bad night, and he's barely able to contain his fury. He could explode at any second and laser half the city but instead, he seeks another form of stress relief.

He lets himself into her apartment, heading straight to her bedroom where she lies asleep. The moon is in its third quarter and her powers are beginning to get weaker, she'll be more pliant, more docile.

He pulls off his gloves, tossing them somewhere before unceremoniously ripping away the satin-clad duvet, revealing her sleeping form, dressed in a black vest top and pyjama shorts that he tears off her body, leaving her naked.

A slight chill in the air makes her shiver yet she remains asleep. 

His hands grip her thighs, pulling her to the edge of the bed as he kneels, face instantly buried in the tender flesh. The first swipe of his tongue through her folds is heavenly, 

Her legs rest over his shoulders, his thumb and forefinger spreading her open as he feasts, obscene noises escaping from his mouth.

He closes his eyes, drowning in her taste, in her scent. He'll stay here for hours, devouring every inch of her silken cunt, tongue fucking her until she comes undone and refusing to stop until his hunger is satiated.

But it never is.

His cock weeps precum, his hand pressing his cup closer so he has something to grind against, providing that delicious friction.

Fingers reach into his hair, curling around the various strands and pulling taut, a sign that she's not only awake but approving of his actions.

“Bad day?” Luna asks, her voice melting into whimpers.

“Mmmm,” comes the reply.

He doesn't want to talk right now, he just wants to get drunk on the ambrosia that coats his lips and chin. If only the mud people knew their continued safety was all thanks to Luna and her delicious cunt. 

He will coax every last noise from her, the sounds she makes are like music to his ears, a melody he could never grow tired of. It soothes him, helping his anger to melt away slowly. Her nails dig into his scalp while he sucks her sensitive clit, welcoming the pain as a sign that she’s losing herself to the pleasure.

His hands grip her hips, holding her in place, ensuring she can’t pull away until he’s done, which won’t be for hours. Her body begins to seize up, a sign that she’s on the brink and he will push her over it, again and again. Even if she passes out, he’ll keep going.

It’s been close to three hours.

Her sweet little noises have changed into pitchy whines of protest, her fingers almost pulling out his hair from the root, trying to stop him. He knows she’s overstimulated but he’s not finished, and she’s starting to get on his nerves.

She tries to wriggle away, to get away from that hot mouth and broad tongue currently rendering her stupid. However, she’s unable to, his hands hold her hips in a vice grip, instantly pulling her back.

“Keep still,” he growls, his anger starting to simmer just below the surface.

All she has to do is lie there and take it like a good girl, why is she finding that so hard to understand?

“I can’t handle any more,” her voice is weak, breathing shallow. 

“Yes you can, you have to. For the safety of this entire city, you have to.”

Any further words of protest abandon her, and she accepts defeat with a simple whispered, “Okay.”

“That’s my girl,” he purrs, continuing the long, languid strokes of his tongue.

He’s in absolute heaven.

Eventually, it gets a little too much for him. Grinding again his cup can only do so much, he needs more. He manoeuvres her up onto her knees, freeing his cock from the confines of his suit while taking in the sight of her sopping wet cunt.

He bites back groans as his cock sinks inside her, his hips moving on instinct at a rough and hard pace. Her cunt clings to his cock, drawing him deeper with every thrust, making it hard for him to concentrate. 

She pushes back against him, making him choke on a moan as he continues to drive into her. Her hands grab fistfuls of the sheets, her whining now long gone, replaced by screams of pleasure.

Good thing her apartment is soundproof.

“You feel so fucking good,” he snarls, his hand smoothing down her spine and into her hair that he pulls hard.

That earns him a moan that makes the hairs on his body stand on end. Reducing her to her basic instincts is an aphrodisiac in itself, only made better by her desperate attempt to match his pace. Her walls flex around him, squeezing him tightly enough that he cums with a howl, eyes flickering red.

He rides out the aftershocks of his orgasm, breathing hard, releasing her hair. He pulls out, letting her flop on the bed and listening to her heaving breaths.

“Three fucking hours,” she pants out, rolling onto her back and staring at him. “You know it’s the third quarter, you know I’m slowly getting weaker.”

“I had a bad day.”

She scoffs as she tries to recover, propping herself up on her elbows. She has the most ridiculous pout and it’s clear that she’s annoyed but he doesn’t care. Instead, he climbs on top of her, trying to kiss her but she turns her head away. So he settles for kissing her neck.

“I really hate you sometimes.”

She wraps her arms around his shoulders, pulling him down with her. He nuzzles against her cheek, sighing contently with a smile on his face.

“Only sometimes?” He purrs. “What about the rest of the time?”

She doesn’t dignify that with a response, she doesn’t need to. He knows how she feels about him, it’s these feelings that got them into bed together in the first place. It’s not lust but it’s not love, not yet.

There’s nothing in the world that comes close to the way he feels when he lies in her arms, not even the sound of his name being screamed by thousands. 

He'll cling to that feeling for as long as he can, hoping that it'll last forever. He savours every second, enjoying the security that comes from the warmth and feel of her body against his.

But it comes at a price, one he hates.

No one knows about them, about their relationship. After all, she wanted something real, not some Vought fabricated bullshit.  

Her fingers reach into his hair again, this time tracing patterns on his scalp. He loves the affection that comes after, he's addicted to it. 

It's his kryptonite.

They'll lie like this for hours, eventually falling into sleep but when the sun rises, he has to leave. He never wants to but to keep her, he has to.

Then the pretending starts again.

[asha-mage]

WoT S2 Premier - The Good, the Interesting, and the Messy

Now that I've had a chance to sleep on it and become half way coherent again, I want to say that I really really liked what their doing so far in season 2. You can see the seems of course, the places where COVID era production and changes had to shift things around, but the show is continuing it's central ethos of adapting the heart of the series and characters, even while having to shift the details to suit their limitations and medium, and that to me is far far more important then one-to-one accurate book scenes.

I don't have anything bad to say about the show, so instead I am going to split up my more general thoughts into three broad categories: The Good (stuff I adored), The Interesting (Things I'm very very curious to see where they are headed), and the Messy (the places where some of their working within limitations has created complex problems for further down the road, or might inform certain things more directly).

The Good

Every actor so far has knocked it out of the fucking park. I have to give special shout outs to Rosamund Pike, Joshua Stradowski, Zoe Robins, Natasha O'Keeffe, and Ceara Coveney for really clearly managing to convey the nuances and complexities of their characters in ways that just blow me away. The show's writing continues to get these characters on a fundamental level and every actor is turning in a performance that conveys their heart so well.

The visual look of the show still rules, but channeling especially has taken a huge step forward in how it's depicted. I didn't mind the way it looked in season 1 the way some did, but I appreciate that they've decided to hew to something closer to what the Darkhorse Comics did, especially as we have so many characters now trying to figure out how to actually channel the One Power.

I also like that we're seeing sharp differences already in the different groups channel, just visually. The Aes Sedai use sweeping graceful gestures, the damne sharp, short gestures, with little wasted energy, all clearly rehearsed as if drilled into the military style.

In other ways the visuals of the show, especially in it's art direction, also rule. The way Cairhien has a mix of Versailles era France and Han Era China in architecture and fashion. The way the Seanchan feel alien, strange, and other, and yet how key parts of their Empire's culture come through even as their conquering and destroying.

The use of the Texan/American accents hits the PERFECT balance I was hoping for to add to that level of strangeness. It's not heavy enough to be a joke, but it's so stark in comparison to everyone crisp vaguely European accents. On that note- the sheer brutality of the village's subjugation, this tiny nowhere village probably somewhere on Almoth Plane, just one ant being smushed by the huge fingers of the Empire. Talk about effective introductions.

The Interesting

I was admittedly a little skeptical of the choice ot have Rand working a asylum but having seen the show I'm glad I reserved judgement because it fits in perfectly with hie Messiah vibe. Here is the savior of the world, and is he staying in palaces and toppling cities? No (well not yet). He's spending his time caring for the sick and the mad, doing menial back breaking work for those society rejects and wants to forget. And of course, it's more complicated then simple altruism: Rand is being driven by his own fear of going mad, his own desire to know what he's facing, and yet that compassion still shines through.

I also really like that, since Rand can't be Lan trained in the show, they decided to do something very Jordan: take a classic trope (cooky wise old master) give it a shine of realism (he's got dementia and PTSD from being a vetran soldier) and dig at the humanity underneath (Rand is letting the old man train him as much to help the man as to learn the sword).

Liandrin is a character I'm shocked by how much I am enjoying her in the show. The decision to explore her depths more, to dig into her anger, her arrogance, her desire for control and power, is fascinating, and her relationship with Nynaeve and Egwene even more so. Her scene with Nynaeve where she gets Nynaeve to channel (an adaption of Siuan scene from the books) especially kicks ass. It's got the same fundamental point as the book: Nynaeve is limiting herself, holding herself back, but the show lets it be starker, crueler, because it IS Laindrin, not Siuan.

The choice to have Perrin be solo with the Shienarans, even if was basically forced on the writers by Barney Harris's departure. They don't waste any of that time, using it to explore Perrin's growing sense of isolation, his grief at Lalia, his relationship to Loial, and his growing fear of the wolves. I've always felt that Perrin, who is very introspective and quite, was the hardest of the main heroes to adapt, and the ways their bringing his conflict out and literalsing continue to be very smart.

The Messy

Some of the merges have caught me off guard, even though I knew they where coming. Elays and Hurin makes a great deal of sense. I have a strong fondness for Hurin, but I can admit he's an easy cut. It does raise the question though of how they are going to incorporate the element of noblesse oblige, which is an important part of how the series explores it's themes of government, nobility, responsibility, and duty. Of course, even if they had kept Hurin the party splitting means he'd probably be no where near Rand right now, so this was almost certainly the right choice.

Nynaeve's Acceptatron Test. Having sat with it, I still like it a lot, and I understand the choices they've made. I wish it had been a little bit more clear that her decision to go back in the final arch was her decision, having a scene of her forcing the arch to appear with the Power, but overall I think they had a good job otherwise. The first test was always going to have to be different since they've cut Aginor and Balthamel from the show, and the important part was Nynaeve choosing to go back over her own anger and desire for revenge, which they kept. The second arch probably would have required half the run time of the episode if they wanted to do it in full, so I don't mind them condensing it down, and again the important thing is that Nynaeve choose to leave the role of Wisdom behind for good, to seek the power to truly make a difference in the lives of those she cares about. The third arch is the big one, and the point of that sequence was always Nynaeve rejecting paradise in order to go back and protect those she loves. She is offered everything she could possibly want, but it isn't enough because her friends, those in her charge, are still at risk, and nothing has changed. She has to go back to save them, because that is the essence of who she is. The show takes the plank of showing that paradise would be hollow anyways, doomed to fall apart because the world needs Nynaeve, she is called to duty, and she can not reject it. It's....actually moment very reminiscent of Rand's Portal Stone journey/his arc in TGH which makes sense since they've always been parallel characters, and the closest thing to a male and female lead the series has.

Verin being merged with Vandene. This is one that it will take far more for me to decide on. On a very practical level it makes a lot of sense, but it has long term implications for Verin's arc in the series that wont be apparent for a very very long time. How will Adeleas factor into Verin's scheme? Does she know? Is she in on the plan to bring down the Black Ajah? Is she ignorant and Verin has been carrying this off in secret while her own sister had no idea? A lot of how this merger goes hinges on how those questions swing. Also, there is Adeleas's murder to consider. It's likely to be kept, but the circumstances being different, and Verin being Verin, the vengeance she seeks will likely be a great deal more dramatic and direct then what Vandene could do.

Past that though I mostly just have gushing and nitpicks, and far more gushing then nitpicking all things considered. Overall....another banger start. I probably liked the opening to season 1 a little bit better, but I suspect season 2 is going to go to some Interesting Places that I am Ready For.

[shuunnico]

If you were allowed to rewrite TLoK, what would you change?

Too many things to list, for starters.

The issue though is I'd need to know what story elements are retained. If we're talking about the broad strokes (Amon's uprising, Vaatu, The Red Lotus and Kuvira) then I'd probably smooth out the transition from S1 to S2 to S3.

The biggest change would be that Korra stays depowered at the end of S1. Then she can delve into the history of the Avatar and learn the spiritual side of each element to unlock each bending style and the Avatar State.

Again, it depends on what needs to be kept. Does Vaatu/Raava? Unalaq? Losing the past Avatar lives?

I'd want to cut the "Bolin is a movie star" subplot. I'd want to keep Team Avatar together and start the recovery period between Asami and Korra earlier too.

I could see it being a spirit-realm journey. If we're forced to keep the stuff above, it could be that Unalaq helps Korra understand the spiritual side of waterbending, but uses the opportunity to free Vaatu.

From there, the damage done could've started merging the spirit and physical world. Korra, Raava and the past Avatars decide to sacrifice the accumulated knowledge of the Avatar State to keep the spirit world and physical world sequestered. This brief turmoil could make more 'thin' spots in the physical world, like Republic City, setting up the new spirit portal's creation in S4.

I'd need to work out the specifics, but in the process of keeping the spiritual and physical worlds from colliding, you could have Aang and the past Airbender Avatars bring back airbending. That sets up S3 and the required 'return of the airbenders' if needed.

At some point, after learning the spiritual side of each element, Korra could have her moment from the original S1 finale where Aang shows up and teaches her energy bending. The S2 finale ends with Korra going back to Republic City, all four elements under control, but with a weakened Avatar State, and restores the last bending from Amon in S1.

Keep in mind, this is literally just the first thoughts I have on this. But reworking S2 would heavily improve a lot of the flow of the series overall.

[that-wimpy-cowboy-doll]

"your top 15 favorite tv shows can say a lot about your personality!"

Tagged by my wonderful friend @idontgettechnology  💗 thank you friend!

Only feeling slightly ambivalent that I'm not caught up on all of them but 🤷🏻‍♀️

Deadwood

Broad City

Bojack Horseman

Penny Dreadful

Derry Girls

Black Sails

Bob's Burgers

Jessica Jones (S1)

Daredevil (S2)

Queer Eye for the Straight Guy

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

The Haunting of Bly Manor

Midnight Mass

The Powerpuff Girls

Watchmen (HBO)

Play if you want, no worries if not! @grimeysociety @ivankaramazovsgf @artyoms @freyaswolf @dresupi @snailsarecute

[terraether]

Watch and Rewatch List

Tagged by @munsonsbabygirlie !! ty fren :) I’ve had this in my drafts for so long that I have to update what I had LOL prepare for the infodump

Watching (airing)

My Hero Academia - this show fr genre swapped and increased to like mature rating this season and I’m living for it but am also scared

The Last Of Us - mutual s already know this is my latest obsession…it’s soooo good and also has traumatized me so much already oops imma keep watching tho. Bella Ramsey is PHENOMENAL

Watching (complete)

Trailer Park Boys - stupid funny show to turn off my brain but also has great found family tbh. I just finished the last season but there is an animated series and TONS of other content like half seasons and movies I’m working on

12 Monkeys - TIME TRAVEL MADNESS !! PRETTY PEOPLE!! EMILY HAMPSHIRE WHO PLAYS STEVIE BUDD IN SCHITT’S CREEK PLAYING THE BEST CHARACTER IVE SEEN IN A LONG TIME !!!

Rewatching

Everything’s Gonna Be Okay - I’ve rewatched this many times, it only has 2 seasons bc it was cancelled but it’s one of my favorite shows ever. It has 2 autistic leads, a gay man and the other is in a wlw relationship with a homo romantic asexual girl who is also autistic!! All autistic characters are played by autistic actors!! The lead of the show is the creator/writer and his character is semi autobiographical, and he found out he’s autistic from fans who watched the show!

Broad City - I recently finished a rewatch so I’m not currently rewatching it but let’s be real I will be again soon enough, this show is my life and accounts for half my personality

Upcoming shows/shows I plan to watch

Demon Slayer - s3 is coming NEXT MONTH and I’m SO FUCKING EXCITEDDDDD this anime is STELLAR

Arcane - I watched this a few months ago and IT’S SO GOOD. I can’t wait until they announce s2 release date!!!

Attack On Titan: The Final Season: Part 3 - pls put us out of our misery 🙃 the final season has been going on since 2021 i swear

Tagging: @readyforcombatt @starkdusk @swanthief and anyone who wants to talk about their shows :D

[brookston]

Holidays 1.22

Holidays

Answer Your Cat's Questions Day

Apple Macintosh Day

Black Tables Day (Posaf)

Bóndadagur (Man’s Day; Iceland) [1st of Þorri]

Butcher’s Broom Day (French Republic)

Celebration of Life Day

Come in From the Cold Day

Curious Cat Day

Customs Officers’ Day (Tajikistan)

Dance of the Seven Veils Day

Day of Hungarian Culture

Day of Unity and Liberty (Ukraine)

Dia de la Fundación del Estado Plurinacional de Bolivia (Multicultural State Day; Bolivia)

Franco-German Day (Germany)

Grandfather’s Day (Dzień Dziadka; Poland)

Hi, How Are You? Day (Texas)

Justin Turner Day (Los Angeles)

Lord Byron Day

National Heroes Day (Cayman Islands)

National Law Enforcement Spouse Appreciation Day

National Ty Day

National Vincent Day

National Yorkshire Territory Day

Nuclear Ban Treaty Day

Nude Beach Day

Our Town Day

Polka Dot Day

Public Holiday (Saint Vincent and Grenadines)

Reunion Day (Ukraine)

Roe vs. Wade Day

Talk to Your Cat Day

Trans Prisoner Day of Action & Solidarity

Unity Day (Ukraine)

Food & Drink Celebrations

Curry Day (Japan)

National Blonde Brownie Day

National Hot Sauce Day [also 11.5]

National Southern Food Day

4th Monday in January

Better Business Communication Day [4th Monday]

Blue Monday [Monday of Last Full Week]

Community Manager Appreciation Day [4th Monday]

Independence & Related Days

Plurinational State Foundation Day (Bolivia)

Ukraine (Unification; 1919)

Wellington Province Day (New Zealand)

Festivals Beginning January 22, 2024

Global Organic Produce Expo (Hollywood, Florida) [thru 1.24]

Howard County Restaurant Week (Howard County, Maryland) [thru 2.4]

Indiana Hort Conference & Expo (Danville, Indiana) [thru 1.23]

Triangle Restaurant Week (Raleigh, North Carolina) [thru 1.28]

Washington Oregon Potato Conference (Kennewick, Washington) [thru 1.25]

Feast Days

Abraham (Positivist; Saint)

Anastasius of Persia (Christian; Saint)

Aquarius zodiac sign begins (Astrology; Pagan)

Basil Wolverton (Church of the SubGenius; Saint)

Erotic Festival Day

Feast of St. Vincent (Old Agricultural Calendar; Starza Pagan Book of Days)

Festival of Invoking and Banishing

Festival of the Orgone

Francis Picabia (Artology)

Gaudentius of Novara (Christian; Saint)

Imoinu Iratpa (Celebration of Emoinu, Sanamahism Goddess of Wealth, Prosperity and Vital Resources; India)

Joseph Wolf (Artology)

László Batthyány-Strattmann (Christian; Saint)

Laugh at Life Day (Pastafarian)

Laura Vicuna (Christian; Saint)

Moise Kisling (Artology)

Nicolas Lancret (Artology)

Quantum Cheese Day (Pastafarian)

Vincent Pallotti (Christian; Saint)

Vincent of Saragossa (Christian; Saint)

Vincent, Orontius, and Victor (Christian; Saints)

William Joseph Chaminade (Christian; Blessed)

Xomfey and Melg (Muppetism)

Lucky & Unlucky Days

Taian (大安 Japan) [Lucky all day.]

Premieres

All’s Well That Ends Well, by William Shakespeare (Play; 1742)

Bad Luck Blackie (MGM Cartoon; 1949)

Broad City (TV Series; 2014)

Caprica (TV Series; 2010)

Chappelle’s Show (TV Series; 2003)

The Crucible, by Arthur Miller (Play; 1953)

D.E.B.S. (Film; 2004)

Dirty Grandpa (Film; 2016)

Don't Shoot Me I'm Only the Piano Player, by Elton John (Album; 1973)

Extraordinary Measures (Film; 2010)

Five Corners (Film; 1988)

French Freud (The Inspector Cartoon; 1969)

Get Low (Film; 2010)

The Happy Highwayman, by Leslie Charteris (Short Stories; 1939) [Saint #22]

Hello, Ma Booby or Pleased to Beat Ya (Rocky & Bullwinkle Cartoon, S4, Ep. 197; 1963)

Innertube Antics, featuring Ol’ Doc Donkey (MGM Cartoon; 1944)

A Knock for the Rock or The Lamp is Low (Rocky & Bullwinkle Cartoon, S2, Ep. 92; 1961)

Knock on Wood or Bullwinkle Takes the Rap (Rocky & Bullwinkle Cartoon, S2, Ep. 91; 1961)

Lady Soul, by Aretha Franklin (Album; 1968)

Legion (Film; 2010)

The Misadventures of Merlin Jones (Film; 1964)

Neil Young, by Neil Young (Album; 1969)

On Broadway, recorded by The Drifters (Song; 1963)

Ophelia (Film; 2018)

The Paneless Window Washer (Fleischer Popeye Cartoon; 1937)

Peggy Sue Got Married, recorded by Buddy Holly (Song; 1959)

Please Don't Eat the Daisies, by Jean Kerr (Essays; 1957)

Robin Hood (Terrytoons Cartoon; 1933)

Safety Not Guaranteed (Film; 2012)

Scrap For Victory, featuring Gandy Goose & Sourpuss (Terrytoons Cartoon; 1943)

Shoot the Moon (Film; 1982)

The Soul Cages, by Sting (Album; 1991)

Spinach Fer Britain (Fleischer//Famous Popeye Cartoon; 1943)

Sugar Blues, by Clyde McCoy and His Orchestra (Song; 1931)

The Tin Can Tourist, featuring Farmer Al Falfa (Terrytoons Cartoon; 1937)

Tooth Fairy (Film; 2010)

Under Bullwinkle’s Bowler or The Wide, Open Spaces (Rocky & Bullwinkle Cartoon, S4, Ep. 198; 1963)

The Virgin Queen (TV Mini-Series; 2006)

The Vitamin G-Man (Phantasies Cartoon; 1943)

We Are Family, by Sister Sledge (Album; 1979)

Wouldn’t It Be Nice, recorded by The Beach Boys (Song; 1966)

Today’s Name Days

Vinzenz (Austria)

Anastazije, Irena, Vice, Vinko (Croatia)

Slavomír (Czech Republic)

Vincentius (Denmark)

Luule, Luuli (Estonia)

Visa (Finland)

Vincent (France)

Dietlinde, Jana, Vinzenz (Germany)

Anastasios, Timotheos (Greece)

Artúr, Vince (Hungary)

Domenico, Esmeralda, Linda, Smeralda, Teodolinda, Vincenzo, Vinzenz (Italy)

Austris, Meinhards, Vincents (Latvia)

Anastazas, Aušrius, Skaistė, Vincentas (Lithuania)

Ivan, Vanja (Norway)

Anastazy, Dobromysł, Gaudencjusz, Gaudenty, Marta, Wincenty (Poland)

Anastasie, Timotei (Romania)

Zora (Slovakia)

Vicente (Spain)

Viktor, Vincent (Sweden)

Tin, Timothy (Ukraine)

Enoch, Piper, Vicenta, Vicente, Vince, Vincent, Vincentia, Vincenzo, Vinnie (USA)

Today is Also…

Day of Year: Day 22 of 2024; 344 days remaining in the year

ISO: Day 1 of week 4 of 2024

Celtic Tree Calendar: Luis (Rowan) [Day 2 of 28]

Chinese: Month 12 (Yi-Chou), Day 12 (Yi-You)

Chinese Year of the: Rabbit 4721 (until February 10, 2024)

Hebrew: 12 Shevat 5784

Islamic: 11 Rajab 1445

J Cal: 22 White; Oneday [22 of 30]

Julian: 9 January 2024

Moon: 91%: Waxing Gibbous

Positivist: 22 Moses (1st Month) [Abraham]

Runic Half Month: Peorth (Womb, Dice Cup) [Day 13 of 15]

Season: Winter (Day 33 of 89)

Zodiac: Capricorn (Day 1 of 28)

Calendar Changes

Aquarius (The Water Bearer) begins [Zodiac Sign 11; thru 2.18]

[brookstonalmanac]

Holidays 1.22

Holidays

Answer Your Cat's Questions Day

Apple Macintosh Day

Black Tables Day (Posaf)

Bóndadagur (Man’s Day; Iceland) [1st of Þorri]

Butcher’s Broom Day (French Republic)

Celebration of Life Day

Come in From the Cold Day

Curious Cat Day

Customs Officers’ Day (Tajikistan)

Dance of the Seven Veils Day

Day of Hungarian Culture

Day of Unity and Liberty (Ukraine)

Dia de la Fundación del Estado Plurinacional de Bolivia (Multicultural State Day; Bolivia)

Franco-German Day (Germany)

Grandfather’s Day (Dzień Dziadka; Poland)

Hi, How Are You? Day (Texas)

Justin Turner Day (Los Angeles)

Lord Byron Day

National Heroes Day (Cayman Islands)

National Law Enforcement Spouse Appreciation Day

National Ty Day

National Vincent Day

National Yorkshire Territory Day

Nuclear Ban Treaty Day

Nude Beach Day

Our Town Day

Polka Dot Day

Public Holiday (Saint Vincent and Grenadines)

Reunion Day (Ukraine)

Roe vs. Wade Day

Talk to Your Cat Day

Trans Prisoner Day of Action & Solidarity

Unity Day (Ukraine)

Food & Drink Celebrations

Curry Day (Japan)

National Blonde Brownie Day

National Hot Sauce Day [also 11.5]

National Southern Food Day

4th Monday in January

Better Business Communication Day [4th Monday]

Blue Monday [Monday of Last Full Week]

Community Manager Appreciation Day [4th Monday]

Independence & Related Days

Plurinational State Foundation Day (Bolivia)

Ukraine (Unification; 1919)

Wellington Province Day (New Zealand)

Festivals Beginning January 22, 2024

Global Organic Produce Expo (Hollywood, Florida) [thru 1.24]

Howard County Restaurant Week (Howard County, Maryland) [thru 2.4]

Indiana Hort Conference & Expo (Danville, Indiana) [thru 1.23]

Triangle Restaurant Week (Raleigh, North Carolina) [thru 1.28]

Washington Oregon Potato Conference (Kennewick, Washington) [thru 1.25]

Feast Days

Abraham (Positivist; Saint)

Anastasius of Persia (Christian; Saint)

Aquarius zodiac sign begins (Astrology; Pagan)

Basil Wolverton (Church of the SubGenius; Saint)

Erotic Festival Day

Feast of St. Vincent (Old Agricultural Calendar; Starza Pagan Book of Days)

Festival of Invoking and Banishing

Festival of the Orgone

Francis Picabia (Artology)

Gaudentius of Novara (Christian; Saint)

Imoinu Iratpa (Celebration of Emoinu, Sanamahism Goddess of Wealth, Prosperity and Vital Resources; India)

Joseph Wolf (Artology)

László Batthyány-Strattmann (Christian; Saint)

Laugh at Life Day (Pastafarian)

Laura Vicuna (Christian; Saint)

Moise Kisling (Artology)

Nicolas Lancret (Artology)

Quantum Cheese Day (Pastafarian)

Vincent Pallotti (Christian; Saint)

Vincent of Saragossa (Christian; Saint)

Vincent, Orontius, and Victor (Christian; Saints)

William Joseph Chaminade (Christian; Blessed)

Xomfey and Melg (Muppetism)

Lucky & Unlucky Days

Taian (大安 Japan) [Lucky all day.]

Premieres

All’s Well That Ends Well, by William Shakespeare (Play; 1742)

Bad Luck Blackie (MGM Cartoon; 1949)

Broad City (TV Series; 2014)

Caprica (TV Series; 2010)

Chappelle’s Show (TV Series; 2003)

The Crucible, by Arthur Miller (Play; 1953)

D.E.B.S. (Film; 2004)

Dirty Grandpa (Film; 2016)

Don't Shoot Me I'm Only the Piano Player, by Elton John (Album; 1973)

Extraordinary Measures (Film; 2010)

Five Corners (Film; 1988)

French Freud (The Inspector Cartoon; 1969)

Get Low (Film; 2010)

The Happy Highwayman, by Leslie Charteris (Short Stories; 1939) [Saint #22]

Hello, Ma Booby or Pleased to Beat Ya (Rocky & Bullwinkle Cartoon, S4, Ep. 197; 1963)

Innertube Antics, featuring Ol’ Doc Donkey (MGM Cartoon; 1944)

A Knock for the Rock or The Lamp is Low (Rocky & Bullwinkle Cartoon, S2, Ep. 92; 1961)

Knock on Wood or Bullwinkle Takes the Rap (Rocky & Bullwinkle Cartoon, S2, Ep. 91; 1961)

Lady Soul, by Aretha Franklin (Album; 1968)

Legion (Film; 2010)

The Misadventures of Merlin Jones (Film; 1964)

Neil Young, by Neil Young (Album; 1969)

On Broadway, recorded by The Drifters (Song; 1963)

Ophelia (Film; 2018)

The Paneless Window Washer (Fleischer Popeye Cartoon; 1937)

Peggy Sue Got Married, recorded by Buddy Holly (Song; 1959)

Please Don't Eat the Daisies, by Jean Kerr (Essays; 1957)

Robin Hood (Terrytoons Cartoon; 1933)

Safety Not Guaranteed (Film; 2012)

Scrap For Victory, featuring Gandy Goose & Sourpuss (Terrytoons Cartoon; 1943)

Shoot the Moon (Film; 1982)

The Soul Cages, by Sting (Album; 1991)

Spinach Fer Britain (Fleischer//Famous Popeye Cartoon; 1943)

Sugar Blues, by Clyde McCoy and His Orchestra (Song; 1931)

The Tin Can Tourist, featuring Farmer Al Falfa (Terrytoons Cartoon; 1937)

Tooth Fairy (Film; 2010)

Under Bullwinkle’s Bowler or The Wide, Open Spaces (Rocky & Bullwinkle Cartoon, S4, Ep. 198; 1963)

The Virgin Queen (TV Mini-Series; 2006)

The Vitamin G-Man (Phantasies Cartoon; 1943)

We Are Family, by Sister Sledge (Album; 1979)

Wouldn’t It Be Nice, recorded by The Beach Boys (Song; 1966)

Today’s Name Days

Vinzenz (Austria)

Anastazije, Irena, Vice, Vinko (Croatia)

Slavomír (Czech Republic)

Vincentius (Denmark)

Luule, Luuli (Estonia)

Visa (Finland)

Vincent (France)

Dietlinde, Jana, Vinzenz (Germany)

Anastasios, Timotheos (Greece)

Artúr, Vince (Hungary)

Domenico, Esmeralda, Linda, Smeralda, Teodolinda, Vincenzo, Vinzenz (Italy)

Austris, Meinhards, Vincents (Latvia)

Anastazas, Aušrius, Skaistė, Vincentas (Lithuania)

Ivan, Vanja (Norway)

Anastazy, Dobromysł, Gaudencjusz, Gaudenty, Marta, Wincenty (Poland)

Anastasie, Timotei (Romania)

Zora (Slovakia)

Vicente (Spain)

Viktor, Vincent (Sweden)

Tin, Timothy (Ukraine)

Enoch, Piper, Vicenta, Vicente, Vince, Vincent, Vincentia, Vincenzo, Vinnie (USA)

Today is Also…

Day of Year: Day 22 of 2024; 344 days remaining in the year

ISO: Day 1 of week 4 of 2024

Celtic Tree Calendar: Luis (Rowan) [Day 2 of 28]

Chinese: Month 12 (Yi-Chou), Day 12 (Yi-You)

Chinese Year of the: Rabbit 4721 (until February 10, 2024)

Hebrew: 12 Shevat 5784

Islamic: 11 Rajab 1445

J Cal: 22 White; Oneday [22 of 30]

Julian: 9 January 2024

Moon: 91%: Waxing Gibbous

Positivist: 22 Moses (1st Month) [Abraham]

Runic Half Month: Peorth (Womb, Dice Cup) [Day 13 of 15]

Season: Winter (Day 33 of 89)

Zodiac: Capricorn (Day 1 of 28)

Calendar Changes

Aquarius (The Water Bearer) begins [Zodiac Sign 11; thru 2.18]

[cmon-butch]

02 S2 THE VET

TW: needles, blood, medicine, noncon drugging, human trafficking.

“Where are we going?” Liam asks, putting his arm through the shirt sleeve that Harvey holds up for him.

“You’ll see, little man. Don’t worry your pretty head.”

Liam sighs, unsatisfied by his answer. Harvey is never straight with him. He’s forced into khaki shorts and a collared shirt. Both are not his. Harvey only dresses him this nice to go out.

The man holds the boys hand as he takes him into the small garage and into the car. Liam lies in the back seat, closing his eyes as the car starts. He could be in here for a very long time. Might as well get some sleep.

Harvey smiles at his sleeping pet in the back seat. Driving through the city, he watches as Liam whimpers in his slumber. He’s been so exhausted these last few days. Maybe Harvey’s art projects are taking too much out of the pet. The man concludes that he’ll have that checked out as well.

…

The clinic is small. WPO likes to stay inconspicuous. It has no windows, only a pair of glass doors in the concrete building. This is a different place than the one Liam and Harvey have been to before. It’s newly operational. The website had some great reviews as well. Harvey figured this would be the best place to go.

Liam awakes to a hand rubbing his back. “Come on, now. Let’s get you out of the car.”The boy takes Harvey’s hand, letting the man pull him from the back seat. He sighs sleepily. “Was that a good nap, pretty boy?”

Nodding, the boy stands to his feet in a foreign parking lot. An unmarked building stands before him. “It was a good nap,” he mutters. “Where are we?”

“You’ll see. Let’s go inside.”

Pulling the pet along, Harvey leads him to the glass doors. The glide open, revealing a very nice waiting room and front desk. Liam smells the strong scent of medical cleaner. He stops in his tracks.

“Come on, boy. I’ll be with you the whole time,” Harvey whispers.

Fear fills the boys heart. This is the last place he wants to be. They always hurt him here. “Please, don’t take me in. I-,” Liam pleads, his words leaving him again.

A sour frown grows into anger on Harvey’s face. He squeezes Liam’s hand almost to a point where the pet winces. “Fight me, and there will be serious consequences when we get back home,” he growls.

The hair on Liam’s neck stands up. He forces himself to take a step. Then another. Then another. They arrive at the front desk.

A woman dressed in medical scrubs greets them with a nice smile. “Good morning, can I get a name for the patient?”

“Liam Newman,” Harvey answers, loosening his grip on the pets hand.

“You must be Mr. Harvey then?”

“That’s right.”

The nurse smiles. “Great! Have a seat and someone will come to get you in a moment.”

Harvey nods in thanks, pulling Liam along and sitting them both in the waiting room chairs. Liam spots another pet. She’s curled up on one of the chairs, sleeping soundly next to a man he assumes is her owner. He strokes her hair, looking on her with a broad smile.

They seem happy. Happier than he is with Harvey. But the man can never know that. Liam would be beaten senseless.

The pet closes his eyes, leaning on the wall behind them. He’s tired today. Maybe he can get some sleep before someone comes to fetch them.

“Liam?” A voice calls. The boy almost jumps out of his skin. The nurse stands at the door with a clipboard, looking around expectedly.

Harvey grabs his hand, pulling him up to his feel. Liam begins to shake. They pass those broad double doors, exiting the waiting room. The halls are white. The doors to the rooms are closed. All but one. The nurse ushers them in, explaining that the doctor will be in soon.

Harvey sets Liam on the exam table, patting his head. “You’re doing so good, my little man. We’ll get you fixed up and out of here in no time.”

The door opens with a click, making Liam jump. He shakes, terrified. A man with a brown beard and striking green eyes enters. He’s in medical scrubs. Liam assumes he’s the doctor.

“Harvey! So nice to see you,” the doctor exclaims, pulling Liam’s owner into a hug.

“It’s been a while!” Harvey laughs.

The doctors eyes stray to Liam. “So this is the famous pet I’ve heard so much about!” His voice is loud. Every word makes the boy want to jump out of his skin.

“This is Liam,” Harvey introduces.

Liam doesn’t dare shy away from the doctor’s touch. He would be scolded if he did. The man’s hand is cold on his scalp. He pets the boy gently. “Very well behaved, I see.”

Harvey laughs. “We definitely put in the work for it.”

The man in the scrubs smiles once again. Liam shivers, scared of everything around him. “So what seems to be the problem?”

Harvey sits in the chair in the corner of the room. “Well, I talked to you on the phone about those daymares he keeps having.”

“Yes, of course.” The doctor moves his hand down to Liam’s back. Liam responds positively to the rubbing. As much as he hates people touching him, any touching on his back feels like heaven.

“I have a concern with his hearing. He has a hard time hearing me in lots of situations.”

“Interesting.”

Liam’s owner smiles at the bonding the two are having. Liam closes his eyes as the doctor rubs on his shoulder blades. A small smile appears on his face. He’s perfect. “And I’ve noticed his energy has been drained. He sleeps any chance he can get and I’m a little worried, Dr. Rice,” Harvey finishes.

Dr. Rice turns his attention toward Liam, looking at him tenderly as the boys head bobs up and down, his body on the brink of sleep. “I understand, Harvey. From what I can tell this is nothing too serious. I’ll order a few tests and we’ll see what we can find.”

“Thank you, doctor.”

At the sound of Harvey’s voice, Liam awakes, his shaking resuming. “I notice he might not be too comfortable here. Do I need to give him something to calm him down until the tests are over?”

“That would be wonderful. He does have a fear of this place,” Harvey explains.

“I understand.” Dr. Rice turns to Liam. He ruffles his hair, smiling a warm smile. “We’ll have you feeling better in no time.”

…

The nurses took away Liam’s clothes. They gave him a gown instead. They seemed nice. Liam didn’t notice. He was too terrified of that milky medicine they poured down his throat. He only thrashed a little. Harvey gave him a look that made him still.

After a little while in the room, Liam started to feel better. He started to feel lighter, more clumsy. His thoughts were wilder. Funnier.

The nurses took his blood. It didn’t hurt. Liam mostly slept through that part. The needle didn’t even feel scary to him.

The sounds mixed around him, making it harder to hear. They took him back to the room after the bloodwork, letting Harvey hold him on the exam table until the nurses came in again.

This time they took him into a room with a machine in it. It looked like a bagel, or maybe a donut. And they put him in it. At first, the loud noises made him scared. But after a little bit of time, he felt fine. He watched the flashes come again, the sounds fading.

Back to the room. More time with Harvey. The nurses came in. The took him to a room and put headphones on him, asking him to tell them when he hears any noises. He only hears a few.

Back to the room. Sleeping on the exam table. The nurses come in again. They poke at him and prod. Liam starts to whine. Harvey holds his hand, helping calm him down.

Liam becomes more aware when it’s late afternoon. Dr. Rice comes in, smiling like he has been. “So, I have the results in.” He sits next to Liam on the exam table, stroking the pet’s back. “As for the daymares, as you call them, I’m prescribing those amnesia pills like I gave him early in the treatment.” Harvey nods. Liam can’t remember having pills before.

Harvey nods, watching the doctor with his full attention. “And those will get rid of the daymares?”

“I’m giving him a much bigger dose than before. They’ll make him a little foggy in the head but that shouldn’t be too big of a problem for you.”

“He should be fine. I’m not planning on going anywhere for a while anyway.”

“That’s good news. Now, his hearing is severely impaired in the right ear. I’m not completely sure where that came from but if you do want him to hear you more clearly, maybe you should consider getting him hearing aids.”

Liam feels a hand stroke his scalp. Harvey knows how to make him feel good. Liam leans into the touches, content. “I’ll think about it,” he answers.

Dr. Rice gently lifts Liam’s chin, forcing the pet to look at him. “As far as the exhaustion goes, I’m going to prescribe anti-depressants. He’s still adjusting to everything around him. I suspect that he is worn out. There is some depression involved.”

“That’s why he can’t stay awake?”

“That’s what I’m thinking.” As if on cue, Liam starts to nod off on the doctor’s hand. “Now, the the next few days will be quiet. He’s going to feel pretty lazy because of the pills. I can also prescribe a sedative so that taking the pills won’t be so hard if that’s something you need.”

Harvey moves his hand down to Liam’s collarbone, rubbing it in gentle circles. The pet moans. Both men smile. “I have a supply from the WPO website at home. He should be fine.”

“Great! Just make sure he’s comfortable. He’ll forget all of those daymares in the next week.”

“So, he’ll be out of it for a week?”

Dr. Rice nods, gently setting the boys chin onto his chest. He sleeps, like he always does. “In order for the pills to work, his activity needs to be limited. He’ll be sleeping a lot but after that week, you can start the anti-depressants. He should be good as new.”

“Thank you, Dr. Rice. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate this.”

“Its my pleasure. Now, get this pretty boy home. And his prescriptions should be at the counter.”

Harvey lifts Liam, setting him in the wheelchair near the exam table. The poor boy is fast asleep. What fun this has been.

[fogwitchoftheevermore]

oh boy if you don't know anything about blaseball this is gonna be a nightmare of an explanation because i do NOT have the space on this post to explain the plot of blaseball, however, i can grab a short powerpoint about the broad strokes if you're curious.

if you AREN'T familiar with blaseball the Absolute Basics you need to know to make this even a little bit legible are: blaseball (2020-2023) was a baseball simulator that was also a horror game about killing gods, dying in a fire, community, and the failures of capitalism. it was beautiful and i miss her everyday.

this au is less "making the story of empires into blaseball" and more "throwing the empires characters into blaseball", and thankfully for those of you who don't know anything about blaseball, most of the empires characters don't have a blaseball analogue. unfortunately that's not going to make anything i say about anyone, blaseball analogue or not, make any sense. sorry.

anyways let's get into it.

so, here's what position everyone is in and what team(s) they play for. i also wrote down any mods they have if i decided to give them mods.

False: False Symmetry II is a season 2 pitcher for the Yellowstone Magic, traded to the Core Mechanics after they show up, Mild

S1 Fwhip: Fwhip Rose is a batter for the Chicago Firefighters, Fireeater

S2 Fwhip: Fail Whip is a batter for the Core Mechanics

S1 Gem: Gem Rose is a batter for the Yellowstone Magic, Precognition

S2 Gem: Gemini Tay is a pitcher for the Hellmouth Sunbeams

S1 Joey: Joey [last name TBD] starts season 1 as a batter for the Mexico City Wild Wings, plays for the Shelled One’s Pods, and then falls back to the Wild Wings, Siphon

S2 Joey: Joey Azimuth is a batter for the Atlantis Georgias

S1 Katherine: Katherine Blossom is a “Wild Low” batter in general. Through feedback, blessings, etc., she swaps between the LA Unlimited Tacos, Boston Flowers, and Miami Dale a lot, but she started on the Flowers

S2 Katherine: Katherine Grove is a batter for the New York Millennials

S1 Lizzie: Lizzie Beans is a pitcher for the Canada Moist Talkers, she’s alternated in season 7 and becomes S2 Lizzie

S2 Lizzie: Lizzie “Shadow Lady” Beans is a batter for the Canada Moist Talkers. She picks up the “Shadow Lady” nickname after being alternated and she has the Beans last name by virtue of Blaseball Alt rules. I haven’t decided if that means she and S1 Joel stay married.

S1 Sausage: Mythical J Sausage starts season 1 as a batter for the Dallas Steaks, plays for the Shelled One’s Pods, and falls to the Boston Flowers (and also has a big wardrobe and personality change into season 2 Sausage’s whole thing)

Oli: Oli Orionsound is a pitcher for the Seattle Garages

S1 Pix: Pixl Riffs is a pitcher for the Kansas City Breath Mints, roaming, he walks out of hell Pudge Nakamoto style cause I think it’s funny

S2 Pix: Pixl Rifts is a batter for the Baltimore Crabs, and then after shenanigans, Yellowstone Magic

Pearl: Pearl Moon is a batter for the Boston Flowers, then after she dies, she plays for the Hall Stars and is released

S1 Shubble: Shrub Berry is a batter for the Hades Tigers

S2 Shubble: Shelby Moore is a batter for the Yellowstone Magic who dies in season 3 and is resurrected on a joke as a pitcher for the Houston Spies

S1 Scott: Scott Riven is a pitcher for the Seattle Garages, then Bullshit Happens, and sends him to the Shelled One’s Pods and the Hall Stars, where he is eventually released

S2 Scott: Scott Smajor is a batter for the Charleston Shoe Thieves, Flinch

S1 Joel: Joel Beans is a batter for the Hawai’i Fridays

S2 Joel: Joel [last name TBD] is a batter for the San Francisco Lovers, then gets ego and Vaulted, so he plays for the Vault Legends, has the Charm modifier

S1 Jimmy: Jimmy Solidarity is a batter for the Canada Moist Talkers, he is alternated in season 11, and becomes S2 Jimmy, and shortly feedbacked or otherwise traded

S2 Jimmy: Jimmy Solidarity is a batter for the Hellmouth Sunbeams

Xornoth: Xornoth Riven is a pitcher for the Yellowstone Magic, then Bullshit Happens that eventually results in him playing for the Hall Stars and being released

Hermes: Hermes Hermès (tentative name) is a batter for the Miami Dale

Eddie: Eddie Sausage is a batter for the Dallas SteaksMaria: Maria Sausage is a pitcher for the Tokyo Lift

now for the plot

Most of this AU is just “I have placed the Empires characters in the plot of Blaseball”, but some of it is making Empires characters into pre-existing Blaseball characters.

Those being: Sausage, False, Pearl, Xornoth, S2 Shubble, and S2 Pix.

Xornoth is this world’s Jaylen. He and Scott are sibling pitchers on different teams with a friendly rivalry- Scott is good, but not on the same level as Xornoth. Xornoth is killed with the opening of the Forbidden Book, and Scott receives the Max Out Pitcher blessing, and takes Xornoth’s place as the best pitcher in the league. The Garages manage to keep him because I don’t want to put him anywhere else, though. 

When the Forbidden Book opens, we have a similar but slightly Off election shenanigan as the one that actually happened in season 1. Rather than the election running three times, the timeline splitting into thirds, and certain parts of the other timelines, like Derrick Kreuger being Jaylen’s replacement, making their way over here, three universes who opened the Forbidden Book at once smash into each other, and things get scrambled. The three universes contain the Hermits, the Life Series players, and the Empires players. When this smoosh happens, the player who was meant to replace Xornoth is thrown into Hermitcraft, and False is thrown into the Empires universe, coming out very scrambled. This is how she ends up with the Mild curse without having played the Pods. Side effect of universe hopping.

Xornoth is necromancied (yes, by the Magic. Don’t worry about it.) in season 6, and returns with Debt. He kills the same players Jaylen did, and also Pearl, who is our Sebastian Telephone stand-in.

Pearl played for the Boston Flowers until her death, and we’re ignoring that time Seb got alternated for this. Sausage is our Jessica Telephone, starting his career on the Dallas Steaks (alongside Eddie). He has his heel arc there, and he’s one of the first players to be Shelled. Scott and Joey are also Shelled at some point.

After Xornoth’s resurrection, his rivalry with Scott becomes a lot less friendly because Xornoth kills people now. At some point in season 9, Pixl Rifts, a batter for the Crabs, dies. This is a surprise tool that will help up later.

During season 9, Lizzie is alternated and turns into a cat girl. Sorry Joel, no matter how much you attempt to dodge the plot, it will hit you somehow. Your wife is a cat now.

Later is now! The Microphone- who is still Wyatt Mason, dw about it- pulls the repeat history thing, and swaps Xornoth into the Hall with Pix. Yup, he’s our Tillman for this AU. Don’t worry he doesn’t suck. I just thought this worked well and also would be really funny if Oli wrote shutout about him.

Xornoth and Pearl both play for the Hall Stars, alongside the rest of them, and Scott, Sausage, and Joey play for the Shelled One’s Pods, also alongside the others. Scott and Xornoth are the two pitchers swapping throughout the game, and Pearl dies again, and then god is dead yay! When it’s over, the Hall Stars are released, including Scott, Xornoth, and Pearl, because the Monitor lets everyone who played for the team go.

Sausage falls to the Boston Flowers while Joey falls back to the Wild Wings. Sausage then has a character arc that turns him design and personality wise into his season 2 counterpart.

The Expansion teams bring in a few of our s2 characters, but if a s2 character doesn’t play for an expansion team just assume they’ve been here the whole time. Blaseball has a ton of characters with the same name anyways.

During season 11, Jimmy is alternated as well and becomes his s2 counterpart. Sorry Joel, the plot has hit you again, your brother-in-law is a cop now. He then gets feedbacked or otherwise traded to the Hellmouth Sunbeams, where his aesthetic is more thematically appropriate.

The only important plot things for the Expansion Era are:

God Joel gets Ego and is taken into the Vault, because of course he does. 

Shelby Moore, who died back during season 3, gets resurrected onto the Spies and gets to go through Chorby Soul chomp hell. However, her debt isn’t rerolled into unstable because I don’t want it to be, so she lives, and eventually stops having so much soul due to getting munched, and gets to be happy.

Joel Beans dies when the Fridays are incinerated in season 24. Don’t worry he gets better.

Pixl Rifts survives the Expansion Era unlike Tillman (and probably doesn't become Vaulted? Unsure) because I think it's more fun this way.

Pixl Riffs (s1 Pix) dies at some point but he has roaming, so it’s fine, he just says “If it sucks, hit da bricks” and walks out of the Hall, Pudge Nakamoto style.

False is traded to the Mechanics after gate crash because it’s just wildly more in line with her aesthetic than the Magic.

does anyone want to hear about my empires blaseball au. i have so many thoughts about this au.

[alicenthightower]

Broad City - Abbi, Ilana, and their doppelgangers, from S01E04, S01E06, S02E01, S04E01.

[thevividgreenmoss]

I'm done with the OC and my life is once again completely devoid of meaning

[sitcomyuri]

📺Currently Watching📺:

Community S2

The Office S7

Ugly Americans S2

Full House S6

Always Sunny S10

Broad City S5

Reno 911 S1

🐚Summer 2023 Pinned/Promo Post🐚

Hi there! I’m Billi! A 29 yr old bisexual demigirl from ATL, GA (USA)!!

Current Interests include:

Community

Twin Peaks (esp. Trucoop and Laura/Donna!)

The Office

Ugly Americans

I’d love to make more moots w/ similar interests!! Please read my DNI/BYF below if you’re considering following!!!

🚫DNI/BYF🚫:

- General DNI Criteria (Racist, Homophobic, Transphobic, Ableist, etc.)

- ProSh*p/Ant* Ant*/ComSh*p/whatever you nasties call yourselves these days

Thanks for reading this far and have a lovely summer!!!