#bro i booked a room for this interview and the room is SO FUCKING COLD LMFAO why do americans love air conditioning so much :|

[kuiinncedes]

feel mid abt that interview lol :|

[kaelsleftverdantsphere]

Trans Kael bits and pieces in a modern AU teehee

Enjoy

------

"Bro if you don't come like asap we're going without you"

"Hal, father is in my room, wait like 2 fucking seconds"

"Then tell him you need to run away from him real quick with your 3 boyfriends and to go fuck himself"

"OMG HAL STOP"

"What? We already drank a bit before going"

"WITHOUT MEEEE????"

"Well you gotta talk to your daddy first don't you"

"🖕🖕🖕"

"Omfg its starting to rain good sir"

"Stand in the rain then, it won't kill you 😉"

"I love you too Kael!!!!"

"MWAH BITCH"

"All I'm saying is you should start acting like an adult for once, darling..."

"I am an adult..." He was laying on his bed, looking in his phone, completely disinterested in whatever Anasterian was telling him.

"You sure are, in age atleast... But not in the way you act. Especially not recently."

"Belore, dad, will you just leave it? I'm trying, oh my gods..."

"All I'm saying is that you should be more responsible... I don't want to be worried about you running around, possibly coming back home pregnant or worse!"

"DAD??? Will you just cut it?"

"I get worried! And I don't want you ruining the image of our company..."

"Blah blah blah, epic, cool... you leaving?"

"Stop talking to me in that tone, young lady!"

Kael stopped in his tracks, sat up on the bed. "Will you just leave? I don't feel great..." He frowned at his father.

"What is it? Keelia, you know you can talk to me, honey..."

He got up and walked over to his father. "Please, leave me alone for two seconds!"

Anasterian sighed and walked out of the room. "Alright..."

Kael closed the door behind him and went to get ready for the night out.

He put on his binder and quickly put together an outfit for the day.

He wasn't feeling particularly confident in the look to be honest. He might've been feeling cocky and rude today, but the second the way he looked came into question? All that smugness goes out the window.

---

Kael blinked behind the mansion to the usual spot, with his friends already waiting for him, two of them absolutely drenched in rain while Rommath was the only one under an umbrella.

"Hi..."

"Just hi? The fuck, man?" Halduron hugged him.

"OH MY BELORE YOU'RE SO COLD!" Kael pulled back and playfully punched him in the shoulder. "How very dare you, sir..."

"Are we going?" Rommath said, looking up from his phone. "You look handsome, Kael..." He stated dryly.

"Thank you, you do as well..." He smiled at him.

"I think we should go before your dad notices you left..." Lor'themar chuckled. "And we really need some fire magic over here..."

"Rom could've dried your clothes already-"

"Why would I do that? They should've brought umbrellas..." Rommath rolled his eyes.

"Rommie..." Kael giggled.

"Ughhhhh... You act like you aren't the stronger one of us..." He said, slowly walking away from the house.

---

When they got to the bar (and dried Lor and Hal's clothes) they sat down at a booth in the corner. Immediatelly ordering some drinks to start with.

"How was your day, by the way? You were at home, right, Kael?" Lor'themar started, taking a sip.

"Oh yeah... I didn't have any classes in uni today so I just... Read a book and shit..." He smiled, also sipping on his drink.

"I will never understand... NEVER... How you can read books for fun..." Halduron joined in.

"That's because you're fucking dyslexic, Hal..." Rommath chuckled.

"Hey! That hurt! It's true but it hurt!" Hal was laughing his ass off trying not to spill his drink.

"And what did you guys do?" Kael asked.

"Well I went to class and later, Hal, Sylvanas and I went to archery practice..." He shrugged. "But nothing very eventful happened..."

"I went to class, to work and then I had a job interview for my summer job-" Rommath started.

"Belore dammit, Rommath, you have no chill." Halduron said.

"What? I would be bored just sitting at home like someone..." He smirked and looked over at Kael.

"I don't sit at home willingly! I just can't do a lot of shit because father would be worried sick..."

"And... why do you care if he's worried or not? You are an adult, Kael..." Rommath shook his head.

"I wouldn't care if he didn't make me feel so bad about it... He shouldn't even worry about me going out with friends every once in a while but noooo I have to sneak out like a sixteen year old..."

"I mean you do act like a sixteen year old sometimes... But that's not important..." Rommath took a sip of his drink. "You are constantly worrying about him worrying about you... that's not healthy for either of you..."

"I know... But me not being out to him is also not the healthiest situation now, is it?" Kael cringed at the thought. "He still sees me as his little... girl..."

"Ugh... What did he say this time, hon?" Rom moved one of his hands to Kael's knee and looked into his eyes. "You okay?"

"Of course I'm okay... I'm used to it by this point. He just called me a young lady again. Like using my deadname isn't bad already. But- he doesn't know so it's- so it's fine I guess..."

"It's not fine if you feel hurt by it... Even if he doesn't know..."

"Belore, Rom, can we just drink in peace without talking about my identity crisis?"

---

They sat there for a while, drinking their little cocktails, talking, when Hal had the genius thought of doing shots. And Kael had an even more genius idea of making it a competition between the two.

Kael was feeling more than just tipsy when he felt a slight tap on his shoulder. He turned around and froze.

"Keelia, what did I tell you-?"

"Dad, I-" Suddenly he felt as if his whole stomach turned.

"You what? I don't understand what you're trying to do by constantly acting like a-"

"Dad, I don't feel too good..."

"Oh my belore, sweetie..." Anasterian brushed back his hair.

"I mean-" And in a second or two, his stomach chose to leave the conversation right onto a pair Anasterian's expensive shoes.

---

He didn't remember much of last night when he got up on his bed in the morning with a raging headache. He was still wearing his binder and god did it feel like it was crushing his ribs after so long.

He slowly sat up and looked over at the side table with a piece of paper, a pill and a glass of water placed on it.

Kael reached for the paper, picking it up and reading the text on it.

"Don't do that again and call me if you need anything

-A.S."

Kael chuckled.

"I love you, dad."

[fleetwoodmactshirt]

since we’re on the subject of pedro’s gq interview, i’m just gonna add that i read “the magic mountain” after watching that interview and i swear it subtracted 5 years from my lifespan lol

honestly this book was the most pretentious thing on this list like just casually carrying around this intellectual brick of a book, what a flex!!

thank you anon for your suffering, you brave soul. I looked that book up after the interview and I’m an english literature major and even I was like.....lol nah

if anyone is interested in a pedro reading list that won’t take years off your life here are books/authors he’s mentioned as his favs or just as what he’s reading:

another country - james baldwin

toni morrison, just everything she’s written

j.d salinger, but in particular franny and zooey

jane eyre - charlotte brontë

a brief history of seven killings - marlon james

crime and punishment - dostoyevsky (he called it a “pageturner”...yall the number of times i rolled my eyes at so many literary bros i’ve known for saying this exact same thing yet here i am charmed by this man.....i hate myself)

one hundred years of solitude by gabriel garcia marquez

east of eden - john steinbeck

in cold blood - truman capote

the amazing adventures of cavalier and klay - michael chabon (he’s never mentioned this but i noticed it in the pictures from his king lear dressing room)

the master and margarita - mikhail bulgokov

bird of america - lorrie moore

as a literature dork, this list makes my heart flutter. some of my favs are on here (toni morrison....james baldwin....jane eyre.......one hundred years of solitude....the master and the margarita...i could cry) 

can confirm he’s well-read and generally has great taste. do i dream about discussing books with him?? YES. do i dream about challenging him in a friendly debate about catcher in the rye? mmmmm, yes. do i dream about bullying him about how he called crime and punishment a page-turner?? all the fucking time.

[thatdamnokie]

so, as everybody knows, our man, the lovely mark strong, turned 57 this past august 5th

since the kingsman films have had a huge influence on several aspects of my day-to-day life (gee, wonder what group of people i could be referring to...), i decided to sit down and do something i’ve been thinking about since getting my medical card earlier this year: getting high as a kite and watching them back-to-back.

to celebrate mark’s birthday, i decided to do another running commentary post like the one i did for rocknrolla ages ago, under the cut. it’s a pretty similar style, which is to say not necessarily super coherent and might be hard to understand if you’ve never seen the movies. D:

there are some mentions of the roanoke society, but not many.

if even just one person finds this mildly entertaining for four seconds, then i’ll have done my job. there is a lot of cursing and this is NOT spoiler-free.

enjoy~

edited 9.1.20 to correct typos and such, please remember that i was Not Sober while i wrote this lmao

how many times have i watched these movies at this point? i don’t even know.  

i always liked the nifty like—retro arcade marv opening animation

and the thing with the tapes! we love book-ending devices!

kingsman: badass motherfuckers worldwide incorporated

like why was merlin even with them? i understand why lee and james would be there, but merlin, was he not acting quartermaster then?

i have SO MANY FEELINGS about lee unwin

i think it haunts harry and merlin more than anyone thinks, but these are fun spy movies so we just don’t talk about trauma and shit, don’tcha know

don’t look at how merlin tears up and tell me he doesn’t drink about it *HEAVILY* later

it’s such a stark contrast to see the 1990s interior vs. what it’s like when eggsy’s grown :(

michelle baby i’m so sorry. you deserved better than this.

and BABY EGGSY

omg. like this scene is both heartbreaking but is also adorable.

colin firth has gd anime legs, that dude had to straight up unfold himself as he stood up lmao

aaannnnd swooping logo, whooooo, goin’ over some mountains~

and mark hamill, ladies and gentlemen!

this whole thing with james deciding to kinda go rogue makes me wish that we knew more about his backstory as well. like, is this james being james, or was this a weird one-off situation and he was just unlucky?

YES unlucky. nobody could plan for the hurricane of sleek destruction that is gazelle

who has one of my favorite aesthetic designs as a villain (although i guess i’d put her more on maybe henchman level? but idk, it seems like valentine looked at her more as a partner, less like an assistant? and they had a very interesting chemistry together too, like i would’ve added more valentine x gazelle scenes)

i would LOVE to be this chill about just—draping blankies over bodies

blankies over bodies sounds like a cool band name

DIBS you guys can’t have it

i am SO GLAD samuel l. jackson gave valentine a lisp!

valentine, to me, does fit a lot of the usual spy movie villain tropes

but since this movie doesn’t take itself super serious, it’s more fun than annoying

and we never hear about any of the other knights?? like

half of this is just gonna be me whining for additional footage that there just wouldn’t have been room for realistically lmao

michael caine, you are lovely

MARK STRONG, LADIES AND GENTLEMAN

WITH LEGS THAT DON’T QUIT AND AN ACCENT THAT I’D DIE FOR

i’m an embarrassment

like let’s all stop and thank god that mark didn’t have time to learn the welsh accent

not that i would’ve been disappointed, because all accents are good accents on this blog

but at this point i can’t imagine merlin as—not scottish

“try picking a more suitable candidate this time”

arthur you DICK

like were you this cold-blooded when lee died, you fuckin’ reptilian-ass son of a bitch

no wonder you were charlie’s pledge person thing

and enter the fabulous taron egerton, stage left!

DEAN you are DISGUSTING

god, michelle, you need better friends, if you were my bro this entire relationship would’ve never happened

;-; and eggsy’s so sweet with his sister! i know there probably wasn’t “room” for it but i AM glad that there are scenes showing that family is one of eggsy’s kinda “core values”or whatever you want to call it

dude is a hufflepuff through and through imo

can you imagine eggsy as a villain? we would be so fucked. he’s sly, he’s smart, he could’ve made life v e r y difficult for lots of people if he really wanted to

but look at him with the squad!

eggsy’s just like the british version of a good ol’ boy

this car scene is some dukes of hazzard bullshit (ramp-jumping and fun car horn aside)

if butterflies are harry’s main symbolic critter, would foxes be eggsy’s? or would it be a pug instead? i guess that’s like asking if harry would be either a butterfly or a cairn terrier, like mr. pickle. let’s say both.

this fandom is pretty on top of character associations like that

you get symbolic associations! YOU get symbolic associations! EVERYONE gets symbolic associations whether they’re actually in the canon or not! don’t have any? don’t worry, we’ll assign you at least one!

the guy playing the interviewing officer is ALSO the patriarch in the witch which i didn’t realize until—like, a while after

and it was while @circlesofbone​ was visiting, and we were just “oh, okay, guess we can’t escape this cast at all, this is fine”

“your father saved my life.”

harry you’re such a fucking peacock, waiting all posted up and posing so you’ll look cool

you big doofus

i’d kill to be inside his head during this first conversation with eggsy though

like is eggsy like lee? is harry seeing lee the entire time he’s talking to his son, in his mannerisms, how he carries himself, how he speaks?

or is eggsy the opposite? which—i don’t know if that would somehow be sadder?

there’s just a lot going on in the background of this bit that’s left up to interpretation

“although i’m sure it’s well-founded—“

harry’s just so casual about this entire thing, nobody’s that casual without practice

harry you rabble-rouser, what kind of life have you led

“manners. maketh. man.”

our timeless motto, my flowers

kingsman STILL to this DAY has some of the most well-choreographed fight scenes i’ve ever seen??

like yeah the church scene but even just this initial bar fight

harry could’ve been a dancer

in a way i guess he already is

like he moves so fluidly and gracefully, it is BONKERS

colin you did so good! i’m so proud!

the way eggsy’s just O.O

whether or not you ship hartwin, like, you gotta admit, that was hot

and his BODY LANGUAGE, he’s sitting like RAMROD straight, this poor dude lmao

nobody prepares you for a situation like that in public school is all i’m saying

harry, exiting stage left like a suave, smooth motherfucker

remember when iggy azalea was relevant

ugghhhh i hate this part

“I WASN’T WITH NO ONE”

can you imagine being harry hart listening to your dead friend’s son getting the shit beat out of him

like, surely he heard the cleaver, he knows dean was going to fucking gut eggsy right?

listen to how cold and icy his voice gets, oof

yeah, he’s pissed, and dean is lucky

PARKOUR

ugh, i want to go to london ;-; i want to walk in front of the shop and visit harry’s house and kiss cute english boys

i’d like to think harry’s super excited to show eggsy everything but he’s gotta keep it dialed back because “decorum”

the way eggsy pauses though

“come on.”

and he says it so softly.

if i was eggsy, i’d be nervous, too.

but i didn’t realize how quickly harry tries to give off signals like “hey there’s no reason to be scared.”

“like my fair lady?” “well, you’re full of surprises.” <3 one of my favorite sceneeesss.

harry’s voice is so soothing but eggsy is so freaked out by the elevator that he’s just—there’s no room for anything else beyond processing the elevator lmao

“how deep does this fucking thing go?” asking the real questions

aannnddd KINGSMAN BULLET TRAIN

i’d like to think they have like soft jazz or something playing in there

and then they get to the hangar and there are obviously a buuuuunch of people out on the tarmac that we just—never hear about? i just assume they’re all like technical officers or maybe other agents

“your father had the same look on his face. … as did i.”

harry is already rooting for him.

“late again, sir.”

that. brogue.

fuck, i could listen to him talk for hours, scottish accents are my favorite thing

#squadgoals

not a very diverse cast :/

the body bag speeeeech

and of course nobody was in any actual danger, but merlin doesn’t want them to know that so he becomes mr. hard as steel, i am emotionally stoic at all times, do not test me you bunch of rugrats

“classic army technique.”

ROXY

ROXY I WANT TO JUST HOLD YOU IN MY ARMS TT.TT

aannnnddd charlie, also

who we might’ve found sympathy for if we knew aaannyytthiinnggg else about his backstory

like, could he just be Like That, yeah

but most people i know who are assholes like that are that way because their parents were first /shrug/

can hardly fault the dude for turning out like that when poison was all he was given to drink

anyone else a hundred percent positive they would’ve drowned in the first trial

i would absolutely have panicked and bit it

but then again, i’m not kingsman material, i’m roanoke

and if this is the exact same test that merlin and harry went through, does that mean there might be some weird drowning trauma hidden back in there that’s just ANOTHER thing we’re not gonna talk about?

(yes the correct answer is yes)

god that’s such an american response to the problem though

glass can’t cause problems if it’s in a million pieces!

“yeah you can wipe those smirks off your faces…”

i wonder if there was ever a situation where a trainee actually drowned

and i don’t mean like amelia, i mean some poor kid who just failed the test

merlin knows how to put the fear of god in people though!

and mark strong, very handsome, yes, very scary, also yes

he and colin both look like they’re 80 percent leg in every single scene

harry literally had brain matter smatter ALL OVER HIS FACE and still somehow had the mental facilities to be aware of those dudes, leave a bomb and dive out of a window (and then escape said dudes)

billy badass, y’all

“just get it done.” okay, i took back what i said earlier, maybe he does see her as more of an assistant, less than a partner. their relationship is weird.

the puppy scene!

“it’s a bulldog innit?”

YASSSS the golden trio

because of what happened with our other canon charlie has become a weird character for me to watch, like, yeah, i “watch” charlie be himself in tss but the charlie i “see” is like—”our” charlie.

“bollocks!” and then he just runs with jb in his vest, makes me smile

aannddd we see valentine’s super cool factory

harry your hair gets so long <3

“water!” wow, who wants to bet that the fact he was instantly screaming means that maybe he’s gonna have some stuff to talk about in therapy later

roxy baby i’m sorry they made you hold the balloon and have to trust these dumbasses to not shoot you on accident

i would trust roxy to not shoot me

i love, love love valentine’s house

it’s gorgeous

set design is always such a cool way for filmmakers to include details about a character using pure aesthetics and i’m such a slut for it

tilde!

see also: one of the characters done the WORST by these movies imo!

the fact that she not only says no, she says no with enthusiasm and gets blatantly pissed, is one of the best insights we get into tilde’s character and then it just—gets wasted

like it takes three steps and then gets mowed down in the hallway like her guards

i would never be given the opportunity to be asked if i wanted an implant but i draw the line at having stuff put into my neck

awwww harry’s so proud!

that finger point “yeah, see, be more like your uncle”

merlin is SO TALL

“a bit much innit?”

he’s just—tapping a normal clipboard

… nobody wanna talk about how that’s a normal clipboard

anyway

i also love how they show him in professor sweaters for the beginning acts of the movie

definitely a softer aesthetic than one would guess for a dude who apparently did field missions sometime within the past decade or so, but i also have a theory that lee’s death directly contributed to merlin maybe being the man behind the screen as opposed to afield

because trauma is a thing but this is a FUN movie so we’re NOT gonna talk about it

“you’re gonna be all right. you’re top of the class!” this was the scene that made my mom a reggsy shipper

regardless of how you feel about them as a couple, their friendship is one of the best things about this movie, along with their dynamic with charlie, asjdnaskdjna WHY could we not have had a trio movie instead

eggsy you show-off “lemme just throw my arms up and dip outta this plane like it’s not a big deal”

roxy you can do it!

ugh, there goes my baby, off to have a near-death experience under merlin’s immediate supervision lmao

“good girl, rox, glad you made it!”

guys, they’re just kids.

i love this big group scene because it reminds us that these are just young folks, still

“my, my, you’re all very cheerful...”

“rufus, come on!” dude eggsy—and not even just eggsy, charlie and rox too--at least made an attempt at teamwork. you get points for that bro

but man, for all they know, they’re about to beef it in a very permanent way, i’d be freaking out too

merlin getting caught up in the drama

because again, he’s supposed to know that eggsy has a parachute

i think he wasn’t prepared for these two to get that close to not making it and that’s why we see him break face and drop his mug

*WHAM*

i HATE the sound of them landing

it’s not like you can hear bones breaking but it hurts me, guys

and then there were three

plus one daddy long legs quartermaster

“if you have a complaint you come here and you whisper it in my ear.”

yes SIR

“you need to take that chip off your shoulder.”

merlin coming’ in with the tough love portion of the kingsman core squad

there’s no reason for me to think harry’s persona was inspired by cruella de ville somehow but i do anyway

she reveals the mcdonald’s and valentine is just :D

idk if he was expecting a specific reaction or was just excited to see a reaction period

valentine is definitely a fun villain, which, given the tone of the movie, makes sense, it’s all supposed to be fun

one of the reasons i love kingsman is that it’s like, this golden ray of goofy cinematic fuckery in a world of grim!dark remakes and other superhero/spy films who are presented as more serious stories

“and thank you for such a—happy, meal.”

harry got a puppy smile

but see, then, here at his house he’s a lot more relaxed with gazelle! like, patting her butt, etc.

maybe what we see of their relationship is dependent on setting, because valentine himself has it compartmentalized?

perrrrrrhaps

“and i am never, EVER GOING TO AGREE!”

tilde, you deserved better, and i think all the weird hate you get from our ohana is unfair

you don’t twist a runner’s ankle before the race starts and then get mad when they don’t win

your story was mishandled from the beginning

asmr: hanging out with the golden trio watching worrying news in the kingsman trainee bunker room

the way he says “biblical sense” lmao

i have never been able to figure out if the way he says that line is supposed to infer spiritual respect, or lack of it, but i might be looking too into it

“it’s an acquired taste, mate.”

what—what would you even do if you were at a club and three people as hot as taron, ed and sophie all came up and start talking to you at the same time

like i know the target got up and left pretty quick because of the training exercise

but i’d be doing it because i’m ugly and if three hot people are all talking me up at a bar something is Bad and Wrong

which—the CAHONES on both eggsy and roxy

they both literally said “yeah i’m willing to die for this organization that hasn’t even given me a permanent place yet, what of it”

look at harry’s dimples in this scene, he is fighting a huge grin, he’s SO PROUD

i know that charlie’s response is supposed to be just more fodder into the “charlie hesketh is a tool” fire

but given that i’m not unconvinced that his home life wasn’t super shitty, like—

idk, this makes this scene a lot less fun to me. it makes it sad.

like, maybe charlie didn’t even want to be there deep down, maybe this was all for like, arthur, or his dad, or some other person he looked up to

and the way merlin looks when he tells charlie to go home, the way that he’s kinda grimacing? i’m wondering if he’s along the same kind of feeling. he’d know more about charlie’s history

have i also mentioned how much i love harry’s war room?

“YES harry!”

an evil plan is being born!

“true nobility is being superior to your former self.”

eggsy is still in his club clothes, so like—has he slept? y’all let those kids sleep after fucking drugging them, right? … guys?

“—when one is popping ones cherry.”

and eggsy is just CHEESING he is SO EXCITED

am i the only one who wants to learn more about the store clerk guy though?

he’s like the one person around who’s legit just there to run the shop

has no idea about any of the spy stuff happening

his name is donald, he’s married with three children and has two spaniels he loves

“THAT is sick.”

i would KILL for this room.

i don’t need anything in here for any reason but still

foreshadowing, foreshadowing, foreshadowing, more foreshadowing—

harry is such a NERD

“put it back, eggsy.”

the amount of self-control it would take to not have a sudden change in expression in that moment, omg

i wonder how THAT gets trained up in kingsman

“i guarantee it.” ha, get it, it’s a reference to that one commercial

“y’all—talk so funny.”

and this all means that they had a contact at that hat shop and got all that info to them before valentine got there, and somehow made sure he did end up buying a hat that they could also successfully put a bug on, how deep does this goooooo

“jack bauer?”

it says a lot about eggsy that out of all the jb’s it could’ve been, it was jack

uggghhhhhh of course they HAD to do this scene with eggsy with arthur

obviously harry couldn’t do it

i just think most of us would NOT be fans of arthur at this point in the movie, we’re all rooting for eggsy, like, he needs this moment with this other character because we gotta drive home that he’s an asshole

also—would have absolutely failed that test

and i’m not sorry at all

“welcome to kingsman--lancelot.”

i was really happy that it was a female agent who ended up getting the handle

aannddd more echoes of past scenes, man, nobody can say that this crew wasn’t intentional with their cinematography

when eggsy rolls the window down you can see his chest moving up and down, like, he is MAD

dean you asshole

so no wonder he gets so pissed that the car suddenly decides “nope, no, we’re not doing this, c’mon”

this entire conversation at harry’s house is—tense

and you don’t pick up on it the first time, i don’t think, but uh

i’m seeing it now

harry’s not just mad, he’s hurt, and eggsy’s furious but he’s also maybe regretting his actions.

it’s these two men who are rapidly trying to figure out their headspaces and trying to figure out how to navigate this situation with each other

and the way eggsy tries to apologize ;-;

kentucky is a beautiful state, actually

ohhhhhh y’alllll

we’re at the churrrccchhhh

we’re gettin’ closer to the coolest part of the movieeeee

it’s telling that gazelle was trying to make sure that they’d be safe

“… so hail satan, and have a lovely afternoon madame.”

the most metal lines colin firth has ever uttered on camera

the siren noise after it’s switched on bothers me in a way i can’t quite articulate

it might be because i have silent hill-colored trauma, who knows

FREEEEEE

BIIIRRRDDDDDDD

THE GREATEST ACTION TRACKING SHOT IN THE HISTORY OF CINEMA

but then eggsy and merlin are reacting aaaanndddd it’s—a lot less fun

because you realize that they’re watching their bro mercilessly slaughter innocent people and not stopping

and still not stopping

and still not stopping

but plot twist, i’m really glad they kept the track going, because if they’d suddenly picked *this* part of the scene to get serious, that would’ve brought the mood down so low that i don’t think there would’ve been any bouncing back

i just

how do people exist who aren’t attracted to harry hart

that man is a machine

and colin worked so hard to be able to do the scene himself, and that work SHOWS, that man cuts a FIGURE

i don’t know how they managed to somber it up just the right amount, either? maybe because they waited for the “fun action sequence” to be over so there wouldn’t need to be noise that had to be masked by a fun rock track?

“… what did you do to me.”

i cannot imagine what harry was feeling in that moment.

the way he spoke it was like he didn’t even have time to be afraid to die

“that tends to happen when you shoot somebody in the head. feels good, right?”

“no, it does not feel good!”

i love that exchange because we normally hear the opposite.

also—whiplash.

mark has this way of expressing grief without showing any—blatant signs.

like merlin’s not especially tearful, or crying, but his eyes look MASSIVE. and SAD. and he has just the tiiiiiniest tremor in his voice.

and eggsy, dude, like, we’ve all had it come on us really quick and suddenly it’s like your chest is pumping like a piston and when did it get so hard to breathe?

ARTHUR you REPULSE me

like look at how egssy’s shoulders sag when he realizes that arthur isn’t on his team

and in a way, this is eggsy’s final test as a kingsman trainee, imo

do you realize how quickly he had to assess what was happening and figure out what to do, all without arthur noticing?

“you are all alone. it is all up to you. remember all you have learned. good luck.”

it’s a very—almost horror-esque situation from that pov

and he passed with flying colors to go on his first true mission, because after he puts on the suit, that’s his visual cue of graduating, if that makes sense

that’s the knight putting on his armor.

“i’d rather be with harry. thanks.”

“so be it.”

*click*

me: *laughing at arthur’s big dumb stupid head*

… man i’d love a replica of that decanter and glasses set though

not to mention that eggsy recognized the flaws in arthur’s character and weaponized them, which is a whole other level of shit that isn’t necessarily easy; he knew that arthur carried the kind of pride that would leave him open

god, he looks so exhausted though when rox has him at gunpoint.

i think he was being pretty serious, about harry

sick helipaaaaaaad

that thing looks vaguely like a rock-‘em sock-‘em robot but in pieces though

more grandpa sweaters <3

man. you can see roxy swallow, you know she’s scared, but then she just sets her jaw and—

roxy baby you are the best i love you

i like the vintage vibe of the mountain lair

i think that’s another visual poke at the aesthetic themes of some of the older, og spy flicks out there

merlin looks SO LANKY walking back to the plane for some reason??

he stays until the last second for roxy. that’s love right there.

“a bespoke suit always fits.”

which can be good spiritual life advice too but that’s a separate conversation

“what the fuck is WRONG with you people?”

and his fuckin’ disco ball

uuggggghhhhh his speech reminds me of so many… “public figures” that i dislike

even though it’s obviously a bad thing that the chips are everywhere, i appreciate that phones and such are being shown in a positive manner (like, michelle talking to someone in the park, people at a ball game taking selfies, people at the beach, etc.) because i get so sick of that anti-tech boomer humor tbh

and the big reveal of eggsy in his suitttt

A KNIGHT IS BORN

“how’s the view?”

“hideous.”

you’re allowed to be crabby baby, you just let it out.

“lookin’ good, eggsy.”

“feelin’ good, merlin.”

merlin is so calm heading into the fortress and i don’t know if it’s because he’s very, very good at compartmentalizing and that’s genuinely how he is at the moment or if he’s that way through extreme self-control and effort

he can rock a pilot’s uniform though

just like eggsy can rock a suit

they’re both so handsome, help

i also wonder how eggsy’s feeling right then

like, i’d imagine that the pressure of having to perform a role to literally save the world would be enough to distract him from the bite of grief

that’s—probably enough to distract everyone, tbh

i a hundred percent believe there are breakdowns we don’t see

i wonder if eggsy told tilde he’d spoken to lindstrum(sp?) after everything was said and done

like, that’d be some kind of weird foreshadowing in hindsight

this scene is anxiety-inducing in a big way so to distract myself i imagine roxy as a mech pilot

dude i’d totally watch sophie in a role like that, like, let her be in a movie like pacific rim, she’d kick ass

and now we have The Chaos

otherwise known as that point when Everything Is Happening All At Once All The Time

also a thing that doesn’t exist in spy movies: hearing damage

because like his voice is right in eggsy’s ear and without it he’d have a LOT harder time surviving

imagine being an agent, merlin trying to talk to you, but something either hits your ear or goes off right next to it and suddenly it’s just silent

SYSTEM FAILURE

YAAASSSSS

WE WIN

GGOOOAAAAALLLLLL

THE AUDIENCE IS DOING THE WAVE

except JUST KIDDING

The Chaos 2 Electric Boogaloo!

merlin with a huge gun: hot, also, very scary

eggsy is just 10000% done

“this is mine. i’ll show you yours.”

i wonder who e man was supposed to be that valentine called.

like is that a reference to a real person that i just did’t catch?

… elon musk? maybe? idk

eggsy slides like a gd anime character

when he uses the rainmaker, it’s just like harry’s protecting him from somewhere else

(oh—wait, technically kentucky, i guess)

“merlin, i’m fucked.” you can hear the anger there. not only did he fail, but he—and everyone else—is about to die

but this? this is the pinnacle of eggsy showing himself as a kingman agent

he was staring death straight in the mouth and STILL

SOMEHOW

REMEMBERED THE IMPLANTS

so i guess if i say that the moment when he puts on the suit is when he becomes a true agent, then maybe this is the moment when he becomes galahad.

*bobs head to pomp & circumstance*

i remember getting a huge kick out of how colorful they made this

because in real life you know a bunch of people literally blowing up would be like—DISGUSTING

viscera everywhere

no fun rainbow mushroom clouds

“i’ve always wanted to kiss a princess.”

ANOTHER knight reference, very clever matthew

mmmmm Do Not Like that noise

aaaannndddd *that* line

which—maybe that’s mr. vaughn’s sense of humor, or what he thinks the sense of humor his core demographic has, idk

but it always kinda rubbed me the wrong way

the mass brawl scenes are edited so like--jarringly compared to the other fight scenes in the movie

that’s probably for a reason

also, a showdown to the tune of something disco: kind of another trope homage

this shot of gazelle is so sick, i love everything about it, she is so cool

this entire fight with eggsy is awesome tbh

we got a little bit of what gazelle can look like in combat earlier with tilde’s guards, but now we get this epic showdown seeing her at her full potential against someone who’s actually a challenge

and the way valentine is shouting for her to kick his ass from upstairs and yelling encouragement lmao that’s how real friends act when there’s a fight

daisy ;-; ugh, that’s the visual gutpunch that makes it juuuuuust serious enough by reminding us of the stakes

which is why it’s fitting that then we see the Slo-Mo K.O.

and that smile with the fun little chimes in the back, lmao

and eggsy, quick on his feet again byyyy being quick on gazelle’s feet—foot—whatever

man, impalement deaths are always fun.

coulda done without the vomiting but that’s also one of valentine’s quirks that makes him different from a cookie cutter villain

aaannddd have a heavy sigh from merlin

that dude needs a full-body massage and a drink

“is this where you say some really bad pun?”

reminder: i love that this movie is self-aware! i could not picture a super serious kingsman movie! i just picture something depressing!

there had to have been a better option besides—this, for this eggsy/tilde ending scene

i’m not saying i’m mad it ended with them fucking, i’m mad that the extent of the joke was anal and that was it.

also the idea of my boss possibly seeing me having sex would have me a little more concerned about the hardware on my face, but okay??

aannddd the tapes.

gah, we love visual throwbacks!

we love being able to see that despite all this growth and change, family remains very important to eggsy—he hasn’t changed into a different person, he has grown more into himself than ever before! THIS! THIS is eggsy unwin!

… GET READY FOR IT

time for tgc! (and to get into my roanoke feels, maybe, this is the nexus where our canons connect)

the BAGPIPES

okay

i did not stop to consider how unpleasant this was going to be to watch stoned but we’re gonna power through it and get through it together

if i cry i cry

the way the music swells into the main theme <3

and the perfect reveal for our boy eggsy!

reflected in gold, looking sharper than broken glass

and SUDDENLY CHARLIE

the pacing in tgc leads me to believe that matthew had huge plans for this movie, and a lot of cool stuff probably ended up on the cutting room floor for time

i also love that they brought charlie back

i love his voice box and his cool robot arm

and i’m not just saying that because it made it super easy to blend him into our canon, either, this is like—charlie’s evil twin in terms of his new aesthetic, the contrast is really cool

YYAASSSS THIS SCENE

WITH PRINCE PLAYING??

*CHEF’S KISS*

like we are IMMEDIATELY thrown back into the gold parts of it all, like how physics is a little broken so we can do cool shit like have a knockdown drag-out fight all within the space of a small cab

i wonder what would’ve hurt charlie worse—being thrown onto his organic side, or having all his weight land on his metal arm if it hadn’t disattached

but then he’s up and standing so i guess we’re fine?

MERLIN! <3

otherwise known as the character entrance that literally changed my life

i try not to think about it too much or i get weirded out

ANYWAY

(and to think i almost never even saw the movie)

Sick Car Chase, Bro

and as an american, like, everything’s on the opposite side to me, it’s stressful to watch a little bit

“i seem to remember in your training you were rather good at holding your breath.”

man, that’s uh—kind of a macabre thing to say, merlin

just a little bit

i’m not even gonna attempt to hold my breath to see if i’d survive this scene just assume i’m dead in that universe

we all live in a kingsman subarmine, a kingsman submarine, a kingsman submarine~~

“not boasting, but i trained him well enough that even he wouldn't mess that up.”

merlin are you okay??

gah, i love that chest-deep laugh though.

is it real love if they won’t crawl through the sewer to get to your house in time

i love that harry’s house looks basically the same

i know they talk about eggsy not wanting to change anything in the novelization but i haven’t read it yet so I’m not a hundred percent sure what all is in there

and we still get to see him hanging with his friends, and his girlfriend, like, this dude is still all about the family

“wwwwOOOOO!”

i love this group so much omg

for as much as he’s galahad, he’s still eggsy

the transition in the weed bag looks super cool

… oh, i guess watching this while high makes the main storyline hit a bit different

welp

i love that poppy is an aesthetic slut and really doesn’t give a shit about anyone’s opinion about how she makes her space

like, “i want a big 50s-style diner with a gourmet kitchen that i can cook people in, soooooo i’m getting one”

it’s also refreshing to see julianne moore in a bad guy role!

not that i’m super familiar with her filmography but i feel like i’ve mostly seen her cast as like a good guy?

i could be wrong

awwwww jet and bennie!

there’s so much to love about this set

cannibalism and the fact that she bulldozed jungle to build all this aside (suspend that belief!)

the breakfast sceeeeeene

it’s so bittersweet, for obvious reasons

and it’s more evidence that he’s not super ready to move on into new territory yet, like making new memories with tilde that ring close to home

“i wish i could have met him.”

and the way he has to turn away, ugh.

eggsy. i’m sorry.

tilde, i’m sorry, too. you had good intentions, but they lost against his pain.

michael gambdon! the new arthur we didn’t know we wanted until we got him.

charlie had a moral glo-down, it’s fine, happens to everybody

FFFFFF his imitation of merlin lmfao

man, poor charlie, like

you wake up, you can’t make a sound, your arm has been blown off and your family’s dead

like his reaction to that entire scenario isn’t entirely unrealistic, i’m just saying

also LOOK AT ROX

omg everyone in this movie can wear the FUCK out of suit, y’all

man, i’ve gotten a few tattoos that were exquisitely painful—i can’t imagine how much it would suck to do it with literal molten metal

dude this means clara laid on her stomach and probably screamed at the floor as she got hers D:

this kinda—riffs off of hannibal, a teeny-tiny bit

like we’re so overloaded with the aesthetics and behavior of a certain character so it’s like, we forget about the much darker parts untillllll there’s a mood change and we’re looking at that dude’s legs, to the burger this other dude puts in his mouth, and thinking “oh, oh dear, ew”

i love eggsy in the orange jacket <3 snaps for the wardrobe crew across this series.

tilde’s face, omg, she was heart-eyeing so bad. and like, that little proud nod at her dad (who was of course being Like That on purpose)

and roxy, coming in in the clutch, you are tonight’s MVP

uggghhhhh i hate this part

because again, it’s just--a bunch of bad shit colliding outside of anyone’s control

(it was also really jarring seeing the war room with blank walls the first time i watched this)

like—granted, you should maybe not touch stuff that’s not yours, but…

like we *just* saw eggsy and brandon in a very casual, intimate scene with each other, how can anyone get angry with brandon?

this is all stress-inducing

i remember being in the theater watching this and feeling like i was watching some awful slow motion car wreck and i couldn’t look away

idk what other story i would’ve wanted to see but i was NOT a fan of Sudden Death For Christmas, especially concerning roxy!

and poppy is such a *bright* villain, not just because of taste but because of her personality, which is another weird thing to have next to the cannibalism

gaaahhhh charlieeee your arm is so cooooool

this shot is gorgeous and incredibly depressing.

what do you do?

gah, and the way merlin comes out of the dark, like

i probably would’ve drawn a gun on him too

“you think *i* would?”

this scene shows 1. how much he trusts eggsy to not shoot him, and/or 2. how good merlin is at compartmentalizing, because this is an even bigger blow than harry’s death, and he’s following the protocol like it’s an art form

i hope that we see some reference to this safe in the next movie, that’d be a cool way to tie the narratives all together

“i suppose that must be upper class humor. … i don’t get it.”

reminder, merlin is working class.

if you’re a ho for this fandom and went and bought this whiskey specifically because of this movie clap your hands *clap clap*

and they proceed to just get HAMMERED

“country rooaaddsss… take me hoooooome…”

another reminder: kentucky is a beautiful state!

i would love to tour a whiskey distillery, that’d be super cool

“shame it’s not scotch”

again, with his weird night vale clipboard.

who would win: two highly-trained kingsman agents vs. one (1) cowboy

channing tatum, ladies and gentlemen!

“y’all look damn sharp!”

i am forever gonna be mad we didn’t get more of tequila in this movie, and not just because of roanoke either, but like, “that dog don’t hunt,” whatever he has in his mouth sealed a leak in a barrel, and it took him all of two minutes to incapacitate both eggsy AND merlin? hello??

i’m glad we’ll get to see more of him in the another movie.

“you know why the measurement of alcohol is called proof?”

just dumping it on their laps, so disrespectful

“—and you can go fuck yourself.”

eggsy fucking just giggling.

these two doofuses

also it’s hot to see merlin be sassy ngl

“HARRY!”

these guys have been fast thinkers in stressful situations but as it turns out, people being unexpectedly not dead can kinda fuck with your day

aaannddd halle berry, everybody! i love ginger ale omg

(and so does merlin, he is instantly enchanted)

;-; this reunion scene

i don’t know how colin manages to be two completely different people at once

like there’s a huge difference between former agent galahad and harry hart the lepidopterist and i can’t explain it

i really, really hope we see at least one little hint at kinsman’s relationship with statesman in the new movie, i just think it’d be really cool

in roanoke canon, there’s an office rumor that the nanobot tech used by statesman was influenced directly by the same technology developed by dr. wernicke in the outlast games. i still think it’s one of my better crossover ideas.

also

god bless whoever decided to get elton john involved with all this?? because i was DELIGHTED

i love poppy’s wardrobe as much as i love her weird 50s-land in the jungle

i also really love the main statesman theme? it reminds me of all those fun epic westerns

jeff bridges! :D

champ vaguely reminds me of my dad

“can you imagine us in the tailor business?”

and he’s super quick with the questions. my headcanons for champ are all over the place but one that i really like is that he was maybe a sheriff or in law enforcement before being recruited by statesman.

aaanndddd pedro pascal, everybody!

otherwise known as *another* character that this movie did dirty, that’ll probably come up in this later

imagine being harry hart, not remember all of yourself, and suddenly your entire room just—fills with water

that had to have been so terrifying, and it was just as hard for merlin to watch (and possibly remember something unpleasant)

and like

that sounds like SUCH bullshit, too, like “yeah we thought if you came close to drowning it would help”

which, is that what merlin meant, no, but is that what harry heard, probably

enter jb the second ;-; <3 sweet baby

tilde’s trying so hard. i see you!

aha, penis jokes.

and all of the unnecessary weird festival stuff, uuggghh

there are so many different things they could have done, like, all of this is just weird from the get-go

first of all, whiskey striking out? hello?? saying no to a man like mr. pascal???

not realistic

the way whiskey takes a shot as he walks away lmao, relatable

and poor clara, like, it’s not like she was asking for any of this D:

hmmmmmmm don’t know how i feel being a stoner watching other stoners get this blue rash thing when i know it kills some of themmmmmmm

i love charlie in his newsboys cap!

poppy has a little bit of a point. like, booze is way more dangerous than pot, as is tobacco. like i would never advocate anyone try meth or heroin, but i think weed and some hallucinogenics get bad wraps.

seeing a dude get torn in half in the reflection of elton john’s sunglasses is the surprising bit of gore we need to remember that oh, yeah, the villain isn’t fun, she’s a murderer

uuggghhhh the TENT SCENE

and, look, i’ll defend tilde forever, but i did NOT like the weird marriage ultimatum. i still think it’s a dick move, like, in that situation either decide to trust your boyfriend or break up with him

the tent interior is super cool-looking

and like, man, he tried, he tried to bounce D:

/sigh/ work hazards, i guess

mmmmmm we don’t need any of what’s happening on screen right now so i’ll just sit patiently and wait for it to be over

and like, there’s nothing funny about merlin and ginger being able to hear everything that’s going on, it’s so grosssss, poor ginger has to have heard some shit before to be so nonchalant about it

everything about this sucks

and then he tries going to the one person who he needs the most and having to deal with him still existing in some state between alive and dead

his body is here

but harry is not

“maggots turn into flies, perhaps you mean larvae!” :D he is SO CUTE

but this entire conversation, with harry still not remembering and eggsy trying so hard to reach him through the fog, is so depressing

like, i’d need a drink too

*and* a joint

i’m seeing my coping mechanisms on screen here folks

the way he comes up with the idea is kinda ingenious though

like, he’s looking at stuff to make himself bummed on purpose, but therein he finds the thing he needs to fix the issue

harry’s smile when eggsy hands him the puppy TT.TT

and then eggsy just becomes a stone cold motherfucker with no emotions

“no one’s sick enough to shoot a puppy!”

hi, flashback!harry

and as SOON as he remembers himself, it’s like his eyes are different, something about him looks like it did before kentucky

“… eggsy.”

one of my favorite movie hugs

and eggsy has to stand on his tiptoes because harry’s so tall

like yeah merlin and harry’s reunion isn’t as overtly emotional, but there’s definitely a sense of joy and relief there.

harry my baby ;-; much better with the sunglasses (and merlin was so close to telling him he looked spectacular)

“now is that any way to welcome a visit from outta town, moonshine?”

he! tried! to! defend! harry!

i hate that jack got a villain story line!

we could’ve had something so much better and infinitely more compelling!

“hurrrr durrrr morgan you just like redemption arcs because you don’t want anybody being a villain permanently” i also like them because sometimes that’s better writing, y’all sit down

“that is NOT what i call a kentucky welcome.”

i love so many things happening in this scene, like

we get to see whiskey kick ass, like yassss gimme those sweet action sequences and give us some character development by showcasing his fighting style

and also NOBODY shits on harry for not being able to handle the situation. both eggsy and merlin were like “dude we’re still celebrating the fact that you’re alive tbh it’s fine if you’re not back up to speed right this second”

you can really tell that this was penned by british people writing american slang because having grown up in the southern half of the u.s. i have never ONCE heard ANYONE say shit like “i feel like a tornado in a trailer park” lmao

and poppy’s fun little death threat infomercial, so great

“what have you done to me you FUCKING BITCH” oof, that’s a mood

!!!!! gonna be honest i kinda forgot that bruce greenwood plays the president

okay but save lives, legalize isn’t an entirely bad idea tbh

hnnnnnnng the scenes about people not being able to get into the hospital hits different in the year of our lord 2020 huh

… y’all i’m being weirded out by all this hospital scenes, this is unpleasant

i, too, wish i could pull a tequila and just be slipped into a chilly coma until shit wasn’t so fucked up

“the fact is, this presidency has won the war on drugs!”

THIS SCENE!

look, y’all can come into my inbox and call me a pothead, or a lazy stoner, or some third insult, but this dude’s VP is bringing up some very, VERY important points when it comes to any kind of discussion about drug use in the u.s.

am i drug-friendly, sure, but i’m more friendly to the notion that we stop demonizing addicts/users

harry looks fucking SCANDALIZED when he sees champ spit into his spittoon thing

i don’t think whiskey even brought up harry not being ready to return to the field in an insulting manner, he literally just saw him get his ass beat in a bar, but eggsy’s faith and loyalty are up there in the category of unstoppable force/immovable object, so here we are

am i the only one curious about the whole charlie x clara thing? because he’s definitely grown up a bit by tgc, and i wanna know how much of that might be because of clara

and he MISSES, e for effort harry

“so sorry about this—“ WHAM

and now that guy can say colin firth busted his face with a fire extinguisher, which is very cool

“*you’re* wu ting feng?” “… yes?”

“you motherFUCKER” ohhhhhh charlie maaaaaad

ginger and merlin though, #couplegoals

the only person more pissed off about the hallucinations than everyone else is harry

imagine remembering that you’re one of the top people in your field and you just keep seeing imaginary butterflies everywhere

like, yeah, i’d be pissed at not being able to do what i knew i was capable of, too

if it wasn’t careening towards a random retirement center, getting stuck in a wildly rotating gondola thing could be fun

nice tuesday afternoon activity

i would loved to have seen more galahad/whiskey field stuff

“you’ve got to be fucking kidding me—“

meanwhile, in the continuing adventures of eggsy and jack: shit goes from bad to worse like a formal spiral only going downward

their expressions as their both just SCREAMING always make me laugh

”that’s the first decent shit i’ve had in three weeks.” <- as does that line, that old dude’s just telling it like it is

eggsy’s comment about the antidote just reminds me of when boromir looks a the ring and says something like “all this for such a tiny thing”

dun dun DUN what are THOSE? hints that whiskey may not be who we think he is??

great. so excited about that. i say, rolling my eyes into the sun

“i’ll fix their wagons.” no one says that matthew!

i. love. this. scene. because now we get cool gun tricks AND the second most metal thing that happens with a lasso in this movie (we’re coming up on the most metal thing)

like please please PLEASE show us more lasso tricks in the statesman movie

“well thank fuckin’ christ i didn’t need any backup.” i wonder if whiskey’s acting angrier than he actually is to throw off the fact that he might’ve caught harry’s glance at him betraying suspicion

RIP jack

imagine the timeline where whiskey was never a bad guy and harry hart just blew a dude away for NO REASON

now THAT would be an interesting movie

because harry and eggsy, for all they went through in the first film, never had a conflict where it was harry in the position of mangling the ropes up

but of course eggsy would never, never tell merlin what happened because he’s still ultimately on harry’s team

damn, charlie, literally blowing up your girlfriend seems kinda extreme

“THIS is vital!”

and here we get to see the biggest difference between merlin and ginger

now, i know there’s extra stuff in the novelization about their relationship and i can’t talk about it because i have no idea what’s in the book

but!

i DO still headcanon as merlin quitting fieldwork after lee’s death

his comment is either what he genuinely believes, or maybe what he fashioned his beliefs into after stepping down from his field role, and ginger is just as sincere in her desire to break into that aspect of working for statesman

it’s like seeing the same character but in two points in time, and it’s really cool

that balance would’ve also been a fun aspect of their romantic relationship to explore but alas! ’twas not to be

colin and mark could both play slenderman

look at those limbs.

gracious.

also this facetime scene with eggsy and tilde T.T

that has to be so terrifying to watch when you know the steps of death and what they look like as they get closer

but it also puts a fire under eggsy though

“i’m leaving with, or without you.”

and of course they’re both gonna go because that’s NOT characteristic eggsy behavior based off of how we know he views family/squad

that’s how they know he’s being for cereal

uugggggGGHHHH and THAT FORESHADOING

stacey pruitt, attorney at lawwwww

hmmmmmmmmm

what does this conversation between poppy and the president remind me of

gonna just sigh into the void

and now we have harry and eggsy on the jet along with the BIGGEST LIE harry hart has ever told in his LIFE

kingsman and statesman aesthetics at least tend to be the same color schemes. lotta golds, yellows. browns.

eggsy, yeah, it’s a bummer your gf dumped you, but this relationship wasn’t very well-developed or written so i’m not as bummed as i could be

“… and in that moment, all i felt was loneliness and regret.”

harry shut the FUCK UP

you felt NOTHING??

you weren’t thinking of, gee, i dunno, EGGSY? or MERLIN?? your MOM???

like these lines from him just seem to come out of left field and i can’t even halfway suspend my belief long enough to come close to believing him

like mr. hart you just gonna be like that in front of jesus and everybody????

so, yeah, of course he’s on board with saving tilde! because he recognizes (apparently just right that second) that “having something to lose is what makes life worth living”

and i don’t know if they felt like there need to be some weird, deeply contrasting reason for harry to swing around to being in support? or something?

like

i’m forever pissed about this characterization and i don’t even know if i’m expressing my anger in a way that makes it easy to understand lmao this is fine, i’m fine, literally not a single person in this fandom ever believed those lines anyway, it’s fine

moving on

... and even if they WERE true then honestly that just makes me more excited about butterfly knife, because that means that harry acknowledged both the bad side of the coin, and also the side with rae on it (which would mean seeing her for who she was and also recognizing his feelings for what THEY were) and drew the ultimately correct conclucision that love! is! always! worth! it! let that shit in like a welcome guest in the home of your heart, and they will stay as long as you let them!

as SOON as he wakes up ginger looks a thousand percent done lmao

and the “process” that they use to wake people up or whatever is—interesting

because all it is, is trauma turned into a tool which is kind of a weird concept to see in a “fun spy movie” imo

and this is one of what i feel were like only what, two? glimpses we get into whiskey’s Tragic Backstory

and the other scene isn’t a glimpse it’s just straight up exposition in his dialogue :/

jack, i’m sorry, you deserved better than this as a character

i’m sure the name “silver pony” is a reference to something but i don’t know what

“lookin’ GOOD merlin!” “feelin’ good, eggsy.”

ladies and gentlemen when i tell you that i lost my pool-noodle mind seeing him put on that suit watching this in a theater, i--

ANYWAY

because now that i have the horrible burden of having seen these movies a million times

i know it’s more symbolic

he stays in sweaters so long, as an agent of the background, because he walked a man to his death

so it figures when he puts the armor back on for the first time in ages

he walks to his own

uuuggghhhh the minesweeper

i hate this

i hate it

i hate everything about the feelings i’m having while this is happening

*beep-beep*

“you move, we die.”

i HATE IT

but like, i don’t know, how preferable is this to the end scene we almost got, which was merlin dragging his newly-legless corpse through a doggy door?

because it’s been literally multiple years and i still have no fucking idea

they’re both horrible in their own terrible, awful ways

damn, matthew, it’s not often someone manages to come up with multiple versions of a thing and have every version be so gut-wrenchingly horrific, i’m truly impressed and completely disgusted

“do as your told!”

god

everyone just going through twenty shades of Bad Feelings in the space of fifteen seconds here in the jungle

and colin and taron do this thing where it’s like—their eyes go dead? like, there was a light here, it’s gone now

it SUCKS

oh

oh no

ALMOST HEAVEN

WEST VIRGINIA

… fuck

LIFE IS OLD THERE

OLDER THAN THE TREES

“… singing?”

this sucks.

this sucks this sucks this sucks

MOUNTAIN MAMAAAAA

TAKE ME HOOOOME

COUNTRY ROOOADDSSSSS

*THUNK*

and he even took off his glasses before he hit him, he had his end coming towards him and he was still a gentleman

TAKE ME HOOOME

COUNTRY RROOOOAAAADDDSSSSS

his EYES AT THE END

FUCK

… okay i had to get up and go for a lil’ walk

anyway

(and again, roanoke canon, fucking fixing’ shit left and right, because we’re the goat)

harry and eggsy look MURDEREROUS

MERLIN SAID KNOCK YOU OUT

it DID make the grand ending fun action scene a lot more satisfying

because like, without merlin there, that means harry and eggsy get to go full feral

poppy you big idiot you just robbed them of all their motivation to show any kind of restraint and now everybody’s gonna get blown up

except for those dudes who get kicked by elton john

which would be an HONOR first of all

(the part where eggsy’s using his gun and shield vaguely reminds me of the specialist, @bloodofthepen​)

and harry and eggsy just—they’re drift compatible! that’s it! the teamwork! the grace! the flow! my god!

eggsy vs. charlie: round like 4 if you count the first movie

it was also satisfying to see charlie’s new arm in action

we love fun robotics and gadgetry in this house

colin firth is really just not afraid to throw himself full force down a bowling lane huh

ugh, seeing charlie slam eggsy over and over again makes my chest hurt

the sound mixing on all these films is top notch which isn’t always a good thing T.T

ROCKETMAN~~~

that shit will never NOT be funny

a wild elton john appeared!

eggsy is indestructible, he can walk off anything

but charlie, charlie i feel really sorry for, imagine being attacked by a superior version of your own limb, i.e. something that you can’t exactly quickly remove from yourself, that would be TERRIFYING

harry + elton = dream teaaaammmm

“darling if you save the world, you can have a backstage pass.”

i love you elton john :(

i would have been the most OBNOXIOUS hype man in the background of the entire kingsman vs. poppy land face-off

“let’s make this fair.” eggsy you’re fuckin’ cheeky

and poor harry, all that lank just getting tossed like noodles

i thought the robot puppers were very cool

“for the record charlie i’m more of a gentleman than you’ll ever be.”

mmmmmm do NOT like this death for charlie

SUPER glad we fixed it

and another scene where i can’t stand the sound mixing T.T it makes me cringe every time

“i don’t consider genocide especially lady-like.”

and are we gonna talk about how merlin knew how to make heroin?

… no?

nobody wanna talk about that?

ugh that houndstooth dress is so PRETTY though

high!poppy is weirdly comedic for all of two seconds and then it stops being funny real fast

whiskey D:<

this is so dumb

this is all so, so dumb

“our agencies were founded to uphold peace, to protect the innocent—“

there’s that nobility again

is what happened to whiskey fucked up, yes

i’m not saying we have to completely remove that from his story

i just

literally anything but this would have been preferable

and then HOT DOG it’s one of my favorite shots in the movie with the whip where harry’s just chucking it away from his face like a bamf, YES

how great is this cover, let’s be honest

like, i’d be lying if i said i didn’t enjoy this scene visually

plus

HARRY GETTING PEGGED RIGHT IN THE FACE WITH A FRYING PAN

gracious

it’s one fluid tracking shot, so kinda in alignmentment with what we’re used to

some people get annoyed with repeated junk but when you can do it THIS WELL you can get away with anything

D:

but then jack

you did NOT desert that

yes, you were in dire need of an attitude adjustment but jesus

“this is for you, merlin.”

/ugly sobbing/

and tilde is all betterrrrrr ;-;

you guys did itttttt

COUNTRY ROOOAAADDSS

TAKE ME HOOOOOOMMEEEE

TO THE PLAAAAAACCCEEEEE

I BELOOOOONNGGGG

and the scene with jamal and liam T.T #wholesomecontent

poor tequila, after i knew that you would have a bigger role in another movie, i was less annoyed by the fact that they iced you so quick into the story

#FOX2020

“… now we’re brothers, working side by side.”

spoiler alert i actually love champ’s toast

“y’all shittin’ in high cotton now” WHAT DOES THAT MEAN???

and ginger becomes the new whiskey like she always wanted T.T

merlin is proud from heaven (or london, depending on which canon)

iiiiiii have mixed feelings about the whole wedding scene, which is probably because i take HUGE issue with the weird proposal ultimatum thing that happened earlier

but the way eggsy says “not a doubt in my mind,” he says it so seriously and i remember that tilde almost died

there was such good intention packed into this couple that was so badly written that i just

augh

“but it is perhaps the end of the beginning.”

there’s ***merlin! lmao i see you dude, they did you dirty

look

i was pissed off about a lot of things that happened in this thing but i was honestly hype seeing tequila at the very end walking into the tailor shop

like, yeah, i’ll stick around to see what happens in this universe but i’m gonna complain the whole time

GO JACK RABBIT

RUNNING THROUGH THE WOODS

and again, i almost didn’t see this movie.

… i think about that morgan sometimes.

hope she’s doin’ okay.

…

she’s probably not. D:

[brianc521]

Gears of Love | Raul Mendes

Mechanic!Raul | OC!Juniper

Juniper Kelly’s biggest dream was to become a published author. It’d been her dream since high school when she posted a few Fanfiction pieces on a website dedicated for fanfic and got tons of hits right away. She had her own account and racked up a pretty big audience that always requested for more, and every so often left her words of encouragement.

She’d built her whole life around her dream once she graduated. She read every book she could get her hands on, she pushed herself to write things that were out of her comfort zone, she researched random topics in hopes of adding dimension to the characters she created.

She found inspiration in everything. It’s how she met the one thing that gives her the most inspiration, her boyfriend, Raul Mendes.

Raul Mendes was a young mechanic who has just recently taken over his father's auto body shop. Raul has always liked working with his hands, it’s the one thing that kept him out of trouble through his younger years. He was a triplet, and between him and his brothers he was the known bad boy. When they all turned 16 his brothers opted for a Jeep and a truck when he begged for a motorcycle. Fixing up his bike and constantly learning new things about the motor is what kept him interested in school.

They both met one day while Raul was out to coffee with his brothers. It hadn’t been the first time he’d seen her there. She often was spotted in the back corner seat of Amy’s Cold Brew Place, laptop out, headphones in, typing away.

It wasn’t the first time she’d seen him either. She’d unintentionally created a whole character based off Raul. The bad boy to the new story she was writing. Well, a bad soft boy. This time though Raul was sporting a new piece of metal in his lip, and it had her going crazy. She watched his mouth as he spoke to his brothers, the way he’d tongue at the curved jewelry in his lip.

One of the brothers, Shawn who she didn’t know was his name at the time, noticed her staring and nudged Raul’s arm and nodded in her direction bringing Raul’s attention to her fatuation. Causing her to go completely red in embarrassment and hide behind her laptop screen.

Raul on the other hand bit his lip in the smug way he does and saw this as his chance to ‘shoot his shot’.

“Couldn’t help but notice you stare.” His voice was so smooth but also rough and raspy. “Hope this doesn’t sound weird, but I’ve been staring too.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Raul.” He offered his hand to shake, which she did with a nervous smile.

“Juniper, but my friends call me June.”

“Juniper? That’s really pretty, I’ve never met anyone with that name.”

“It’s weird I know.” She tucked her hair behind her ear.

“It’s not.” He shook his head, touching her fingers that were on the table to get her attention. “It’s truly beautiful.”

It was right then and there where they stole each others hearts.

**

“Juniper Baby?” Raul asked as he walked through the front door, throwing his keys and wallet on the table just inside the door.

“Living room.” She called out weakly from her camped out spot on the floor in the middle of the room. Surrounding her were books and loose pieces of paper.

“Hey Gorgeous.” Raul smiled as he walked in the room, finding his girlfriend in one of his sweatshirts with her hair in a messy bun.

He got a mumbled “Hi.” In return. He chuckled, knowing she was in a completely different world right now, with the way her fingers were flying across the keyboard. So instead of interrupting he’d wandered himself in the kitchen to make her a midnight snack.

With not having much talent in the kitchen he settled on grilled cheese with a granola bar and a glass of milk. He walked back into the living room, figuring out her maze to the center of her circle where she was sitting  pretty quickly. Slowly he pushed her laptop closed, giving her plenty of time to move her fingers.

She looked up with wide eyes and smiled sheepishly. “Hi.” She whispered when he pushed the plate that holds her sandwich and granola bar into her hands.

“Hi Baby.” He leaned forward kissing her cheek. “Did you have dinner?”

“Um,” She says while taking a huge bite of her sandwich, “I nibbled.”

“On?” He rolled his eyes.

She turns and holds up a bowl full of dry cheerios.

“Baby, I know you’re in crunch time trying to finish before you meet with the publisher this week but you have to take care of yourself. You can’t meet with the publisher if you’re in the hospital after passing out for lack of nutrition.”

She sighs and nods at him.

“It’s like a job interview Baby. You have to make yourself look good. And if you go in looking like a skeleton they’re not gonna be impressed.”

“Okay.” She whines, looking down at her lap.

“Hey.” He tips her chin up. “I know my Baby can do it. I know she’s the best, she just has to know it too.”

“Yeah.”

“I love you.” He smiles, leaning a bit closer.

“I love you too.”

He kisses her lips softly, giggling as he pulls away. “You taste like cheese.”

“You taste like milk.” She replies.

“So,” He takes the last bite of his sandwich. “Can I read it yet?”

“No.” She shakes her head.

“Am I ever going to get to read this masterpiece?”

“If I have a say then no, you won’t ever get to read it.”

“What?” He gapes at her, frown pulling at his lips.

“You will read it, I just. I have to make it perfect first.”

He sets her plate aside crawling up to his hands and knees, causing her to lean back until she’s laying on the floor and he’s hovering over her. “It is perfect Juniper Baby, because you wrote it.”

She shakes her head, tapping his nose. “You’re just a sweet talker, I know your games Mendes.”

“Come on,” He murmurs, pressing a kiss to her neck. “Let me read it.”

“No.” She lets out breathlessly.

“Please.” He groans as he hikes her leg up over his waist, lips sealed to the skin behind her ear.

“No but you can keep doing that.”

“Oh can I?” He grins, hand trailing up and into her shorts. “Can I do this?” He strokes her heat from the outside of her panties, causing a friction that has her tugging at his hair and moaning into his ear.

“Yeah you can do that.”

“Mmm,” He pulls back to look at her blissed out eyes. “Let’s see what else I can do.”

**

After their raundeveous on her brainstorm notes she was sleepy and dreary eyed. Trying to fight herself to stay awake with him, but she’d had an early morning while he had a late night so he put her to bed when she dozed off on his chest. Tucked her in and kissed her forehead before heading back to the kitchen. He was still pretty wired from his stressful day at work and poured himself a small glass of whiskey.

Catching sight of the mail on the counter he took a sip of his drink and then opened the few envelopes they’d received. He sighed, setting his cup down, when he saw the electric check he had written just a week ago had bounced. Pinching the bridge of his nose he read that the few other checks he’d written for bills had bounced as well.

“Fuck me.” He mumbled, checking the bank statement he’d been emailed last night and groaned when he saw that he hadn’t been able to pay himself last week, spacing it completely since he’d already sent off the checks.

He stared at his phone that was laid out on the counter and cursed himself as he did the last thing he swore he’d ever do. He called Shawn.

“Raul? It’s like 1:30 in the morning, what are you doing up?”

“What are you doing up?”

“I’m writing a song, and you? Since I asked first?”

He grins, biting his lip as he looks to the bedroom door that was open just a hint. “Well I had a rather pleasing romp in the sheets with my girl before putting her to bed.”

“Oh gross I didn’t need to know that. Are you still in bed?”

“No what kind of animal do you think I am?”

“I’m not sure you want me to answer that.”

Raul laughs in response, letting the conversation with his brother calm him for the time being.

“But you called for a reason so what’s up?”

“Is there a chance I could meet you for coffee tomorrow morning? I need to ask you something but I want it to be in person.”

“Um sure, are you asking me to be a groomsman because I already through it was decided that I was your best man, Peter is mine, and you’re Peter’s.”

“I’m not asking you to be my best man,” Raul shakes his head. “Well, yet.”

“Oh we’ll be talking about that tomorrow too. I’ll meet you at Amy’s at 8?”

“Can we do 9? I wanna make sure the shop opens just fine.”

“Yeah that works, see you then.”

“Okay thanks.”

“Love ya bro, go to bed.”

“Love ya too. Goodnight.”

With that Raul hung up on Shawn and shook his head as he downed the rest of his whiskey and headed to bed.

**

Raul walked in the door to Amy’s at 9:26 rushing in to find Shawn, who was seated at a table with two coffee’s.

“Hey I thought you were gonna stand me up.” Shawn smiled as Raul slid into the table.

“Sorry, had an issue with a customer who was upset about the price for an oil change.”

“Doing oil changes now?” Shawn questions, sipping at his coffee.

“Yeah I needed more business so I expanded the services a little.”

“So, what’s up?”

“Okay, I need to blurt this out because I absolutely hate myself for doing this. I mean you don’t know how much I’m beating myself up over this. I feel like such a-”

“Hey, blurt it out.” Shawn cuts him off.

“Can I borrow some money?” Raul blurts, cringing at himself.

Shawn sets his cup down, and sits straighter. “Are you okay?”

Raul sighs and hangs his head. “The business is struggling this summer, I haven’t been able to pay myself for like a month now? And Juni, she’s working on her novel and baby sitting on the side, but her gigs aren’t bringing in enough, you know? I thought I had enough in my savings to last us, but after last month's rent and bills I’m drained out man. I’m trying so hard, I’m pushing myself to the breaking point, and I wrote checks for this months bills and,” He sighs shaking his head. “They bounced.”

“Raul.” Shawn sighed.

“I know, but when I wrote them the shop was making money so I was planning to pay myself but then we lost a few solid clients and I wasn’t able too. So they bounced and I don’t want to stress Juni out, she’s just now found a publisher and I’d hate myself if she didn’t go through with it to find a job. Just this once Shawn, and I’ll pay you back I swear.”

“Raul, breathe.”

Raul takes a few deep breaths and nods at his brother.

“How much?”

“$700?” Raul whispers, shoulders slouching. “I have enough to cover half the rent, but then there’s-”

“Shh.” Shawn shakes his head, pulling his wallet out. “I don’t need to know your bills and all that. Take this,” Shawn pulls out cash from his wallet. “And don’t even worry about it. I want to see June succeed in her writing. I want you to succeed at the shop, you’re both in the struggle stage before you’re gonna take off. I can see it. So take it, it’s my support for both of your dreams.”

“No I’ll pay you back. Thank you so much Shawn. You have no idea how much this means to me.”

“I do, I love you Raul, and I want to see you successful and happy.”

“I love you too Shawn.”

“Now get back to the shop.” Shawn smiles, showing his brother away.

**

Sitting in his office on his ‘lunch break’ Raul is able to pay off the bills since he’d deposited the cash Shawn gave him into his account on his way back to the shop. The moment everything balanced he was able to breathe deeply and not stutter on it.

“Where is he?” He heard from just outside his office.

“On lunch.”

Raul looked up when he heard the sound of heels clicking on the floor and then stood when Juniper walked in. She had her meeting with the editor and publisher today, meaning she’d borrowed her sisters suit and heels to dress to impress.

“Well?” He asked softly, in case it didn’t go well, but by the smile on her face he’d say it went just fine.

“They wanna publish it!” She yelled, running and jumping into his arms, wrapping her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck.

“Oh my god Juniper Baby that’s awesome!” He cheered. She squeezed him tighter and squealed in his ear. “I’m so proud of you.”

“Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

“Why are you thanking me Baby?”

“Because if it weren’t for you I wouldn’t have gone for it. I wouldn’t have even started writing the book in the first place. I wouldn’t have had the chance to be able to write. I owe it all to you, so thank you. Thank you for believing in my dreams, and thank you for making them come true.”

“You made them come true Baby, I simply said that you could.”

She pulled back and held his cheeks in her hands as she kissed him passionately. “Any chance you can come home right now?” She mutters against his lips.

“You’re insatiable.” He grins, thinking back to the fun shower they’d shared this morning. “I would totally love to, but I kind of have to close the shop tonight. Connor’s Mom is throwing a surprise birthday party for his brother and he’s in charge of getting the cake.”

“Awe.” She whines, jutting her bottom lip forward. “Can you come right home after close?”

He sighs, looking at the stack of paperwork on his desk. When his eyes flick back to his girlfriend who is pleading with him. He can’t say no. I mean she’s getting her book published. “Yeah, the minute I close I’m out of here. Go home and get fancied up, I’m taking you to dinner.”

“Really?”

“Yes, my girl is gonna be a published author, she deserves to be wined and dined before she’s fucked and tucked.”

“Oh my god you did not just say that.” She hits his chest playfully, giggling as he tugs her close burying his face in her neck. “I hate you!” She laughs harder when he bites at her neck.

“You love me, don’t lie.”

**

“So tell me everything, start from the beginning.” Raul says now that the waiter has taken their orders.

She sits straighter, smiling at him with such hope in her eyes. “So the CEO of this small publishing company downtown emailed me about a week and a half ago about a manuscript I sent.”

“Mhm.”

“And she wanted me to come in with a second draft of the manuscript to meet with her and her editor. So that’s what my meeting was today. Her name is Carol Wilkins of Wilkins Stories. The editor, Jackson Perry was so kind about my work. He truly was able to grasp the essence of my characters and had wonderful notes that just expanded my work tremendously.”

“Wait so this is still your book right? You didn’t like sell the story?”

Her expression changes from excitement to horror so fast that he has to hold on to the edge of the table to stable himself.

“Why would you ever suggest such a thing? I’ve literally poured my heart and soul into this manuscript-”

“Hey,” Raul grabs her hand, bringing her back to him. “I’m not the bad guy, I’m just trying to understand this side of your world. My brain is wrapping around the idea of an editor. To me they just make sure spelling and punctuation is correct.”

“Well yes but they also help with subjects and making sure the flow of the book works.”

“Okay, I’m sorry I asked what I did, I'm just trying to understand. I’m going to have questions about this. I have no idea what you’re doing or how you do it. You’re magical to me.”

She blushes as she rolls her eyes at him. “I just see an idea and write it. Describe it. It’s nothing special.”

“I’d begged to differ. Although you haven’t let me read this certain book, you have let me read a few shorts you wrote and the fact that you can create another world, another timeline with just words is magic. It’s pure magic that you could make my heart race and break and sink to my stomach with the way a character felt.”

“You’re too much.”

“I’m not enough, clearly since I asked the horrid question I did.”

“Hey.” She squeezes his hand, brows furrowing. “Never say that to me again. You’re everything and more.”

He gives her the best smile he can, but he can’t help but feel pretty low about himself right now. The fact that he had to stoop so low and ask his multimillionaire brother for money is killing him inside. He wants to make her happy, he wants to support and take care of her. He just isn’t stable enough in the shop to do so yet. Once he’s able to be stable and pay Shawn back he’ll start to feel a little better but right now he’s feeling like a grade A loser.

**

Raul walks into the empty cold apartment with grease smeared along his brow. His strong jawline is clenched with the stress of the day he’s had, but he’s ready to shower and have a lovely dinner in with his girl.

“Juniper Baby?” He asks, not recalling if he’d seen her car in the garage.

Walking around noticing the lights are off he assumes she’s on her way from the publishing house. It’s Wednesday which was ‘Masked Singer’ nights, and also their designated date night. It’s a random day of the week to have a date night, but it’s the slowest day of the week for the shop therefore making it the only day Raul is comfortable having Connor close up for him.

He takes this time to jump into the shower real quick and get himself all put together for his lady, making sure to shave and add a little gel to his curls. He slips on a nice sweater, one of her favorites, and sets off to the kitchen to make her dinner.

As he’s plating the chicken alfredo and garlic bread he realizes how late she is on coming home. He checks his phone and doesn’t see any messages and that makes his heart beat a little quicker. Dialling her number he takes the plates to the beat up folding card table they have set as a ‘dining room’.

“Hey you’ve reached June, I’m not able to answer the phone right now but I’ll get back to you as soon as I can! Leave a message!”

He sighs as the tone sounds, “Hey Juni, just thought I’d let you know that dinner is served up for us. Um call me back when you get a chance. I can’t wait to see you, even though I’m sure you’ll walk through the door any minute. Okay I love you. Bye Baby.”

He clicks his phone off and goes to set the living room with a few blankets and pillows along with a few lit candles.

**

By 9 Raul’s pacing the apartment. He’s called her five times and every call has gone to voicemail. He’s scared because no one else has heard from her either.

When the sound of her key turning the lock on the door rings through the silent apartment Raul just about tackles her when she walks through the door. She yelps as he picks her up, sighing against her shoulder.

“Raul?” She asks confused as to what was going on.

“Are you okay?” He asks, pulling away to inspect her face. “Are you hurt? Was there an accident?”

“What?” She asks, “What are you talking about?”

“Why are you so late?” He takes a step back, arms flopping to his sides.

“I was editing with Jackson.” She takes her purse off and sets it on the table he puts his keys on. “He had this idea for-”

“But it’s date night.” He pouts. “I called you a bunch and texted you. You never responded.”

“You did?” She digs through her purse. “Oh Babe I’m sorry, I must have my phone on silent.”

“It’s still date night Juniper.” He crosses his arms. “You just bailed on me without saying anything?”

“It’s not da-” But when she looks at her phone seeing ‘Wednesday 9:07 pm’ flash on her screen she groans. “It’s date night. I’m sorry Babe. I had the days mixed up, I thought today was Tuesday.”

“I mean it’s cool if you want to bail, but at least tell me.” He says walking to the table and grabbing the two full plates of cold pasta.

“You made alfredo,” She whines. “That’s my favorite.”

“I know.”

“Raul I’m sorry.” She says grabbing his hand once he’s set the plates on the kitchen counter. “Honey I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“It’s not okay. I totally bailed on you and that’s not cool. I’ll make it up to you.”

“I need to go to bed.”

“No! Raul please.”

“Connor closed tonight which means I have to open, and I left a ton of paperwork because of date night. I need to make up that time I skipped tonight. So I have to go in early tomorrow.”

“How early?” She asks. “Because I have to go in early too. Let’s do a breakfast date, to make up for tonight.”

“I have to be in at 7.” He rubs his chin. “The shop doesn’t open til 9, but I could push to like 8 if you wanna do breakfast.”

She flops into one of the camp chairs that’s set up at the table. “I have to go in at 6, Carol wants to go over the changes before she leaves town for the rest of the week. But maybe lunch?”

“I can't, I have to work through lunch tomorrow because Connor has a dentist appointment.”

“Then can we do date night right now?”

“I have to go to bed Juniper.” He says putting his hands on his hips. “I’ve been up since 5 this morning, I have to be up at 5 again tomorrow.”

“Why?”

“I’ve started going to the gym with Shawn in the morning. We meet at 6 and I go straight from the gym to work. I told you this! I’ve been doing this for like 3 weeks now. Shawn’s only in town for so long.”

“You didn’t go on Monday, you stayed and we took a shower before my meeting.”

“Shawn had an early morning meeting, but we met for coffee.”

“You had time to meet Shawn for coffee on Monday but couldn’t leave early?”

“Yes I needed to ask him something.”

“What did you need to ask him?”

“Something about the business.” He waved her off, walking to the bedroom.

“What was it?”

“Does it matter?” He turns to her, watching the hurt flash across her face. “I’m taking a shower.”

“You took one when you got home. I can tell.”

“I want to take another, is that a crime? This gel shit makes my hair all gross, and I’m starting to become upset and need a moment to collect myself.”

“Okay, well, I’m gonna eat real quick and then can we talk about your day?”

“Sure.” He mumbled as he goes into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.

“You never shut the door.” She whispers, staring at the closed bathroom door that's working well to divide them.

**

Raul only takes long showers when he’s upset or stressed and right now Juniper is worried it’s a combination of both considering it’s been almost an hour and a half and Raul is still in the bathroom.

She doesn’t want to invade on his personal time, but she’s really starting to worry.

“Raul, Baby?” She asks, knocking on the door softly.

“Yeah?” He croaks.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Can I come in? Join you maybe?” She asks, holding out hope that he’ll say yes.

“Um,” She hears him shuffling. “Sure.”

She smiles, knowing that her boy is still there. That he’s still with her, no matter how much she fucks up. She steps into the room quickly, stripping and slowly opening the curtain.

The sight she sees is like a sucker punch to the gut. Raul was standing under the shower head, curls stuck to his forehead, eyes red and puffy as if he’d been crying and his skin was bright red from the heat of the water.

“Baby.” She sighs, stepping in with him and turning the knob to turn the heat down a bit. “You’re gonna hurt your skin.” She whispers, hesitating to touch her.

“Okay.”

“Raul, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Please don’t lie to me. We’re already in rocky territory right now, let’s not make it worse.”

“We’re in rocky territory?” His voice cracks as he turns over his shoulder to peer at her.

“Are we?”

“You tell me?”

“Raul,” She sighs, shaking her head. “You have to tell me. I’m the one who fucked up here. I’m the one who forget about date night, I’m the one who ditched you. I’m the one beating myself up, so please tell me, are we?”

“I don’t think so.” He shakes his head. “And you don’t need to be beating yourself up. It’s okay Baby. I understand that you got caught up, and there’s been a lot on your plate suddenly. I’m so proud of you for doing this. There is just a lot going on at work right now, I’m struggling with the shop and I’m not dealing with it well.”

“What’s going on at the shop?” She asks, touching his bare back.

He relaxes at her touch, melting back into her. She slides her hands from his back around to his chest, stepping forward to hug him from behind. Resting her head between his shoulder blades, kissing at the red skin for a moment.

“Business went down when word spread that my dad retired. No one thinks I can handle the shop the way he did. No one thinks I can run the place. They all think I’m some delinquent, and not the one who was running the place a full year before Dad retired.”

“You are not delinquent.” She gasps, slipping around him to be face to face.

“Yeah well tell that to my tattoos and piercings.”

“What do tattoos and piercings have to do with how well you can work? With how successful you are?”

“I don’t know!” He cries. “Ask the fucking boomers.”

“Okay, boomer.” She snorts, remembering a reference her nephew said when she’d gone over to borrow her sisters suit. “Honestly Babe,” She plays with the slight dusting of chest hair he has. “I think you’re amazing at what you do. You understand everything with engines and motors so perfectly. You haven’t seen one car that you haven’t been able to fix. If your Dad’s old clients can’t see that, then they’re not the clients for you. It’s time to go out and find your own. I know you can do it.”

“I love you.” He sighs, tucking his face into the crook of her neck and shoulder. “You make everything better.”

“I love you too. I’m sorry I wasn’t here tonight to say this sooner. It won’t happen again.”

“It’s okay Baby.” He gives her a peck. “But I seriously need to go to bed. Shawn’s gonna kick my ass tomorrow if I’m dragging.”

She laughs and nods, turning the water off and stepping out of the shower, wrapping a towel around herself before wrapping one around him.

**

With the persona Raul gives off to the public, no one would peg him as the jealous type. He just holds this confidence in the way he goes about his life. To truly know Raul, you know that he deep down has a hint of insecurity that can manifest and spin out of control.

He’s slowly starting to spin.

He’s yet to be able to pay Shawn back, and he knows within the next two weeks another bout of bills is going to roll in. If he doesn’t hit some sort of luck of gold he’s not gonna have enough to pay them again. He won’t go back to the bank of Shawn.

Peter has just been accepted into an internship that will, within a few years, lead him into the doors of Nasa just like he’s always dreamed off. Shawn’s been nominated for a Grammy, again, and his third world tour is almost over. Aaliyah has been accepted into University of Toronto to study Cinema Studies. Juniper is editing everyday, now seeing plans for book jackets and talking about a book signing tour.

While Raul, well Raul is resorting to handing out $5 off slips in the local grocery stores to drum up more business. He’s just feeling less and less of himself, watching those most important around him start to grow while he’s plateauing.

With all of this going on, it doesn’t help that his girlfriend comes home late at night after spending the day with Jackson. He’s all she can talk about now. ‘Jackson this’, ‘Jackson that’, Raul is slowly starting to lose his goddamn mind.

Peter sits in his office while he waits for him to be done charging a new client for the rock chip fix they completed on the front windshield. When he goes to his office he feels like he can breathe deeply again when he sees his brother there.

“So how are you doing?” Peter asks when Raul sits. “I haven’t heard from you lately.”

“Um, I’m really fucking stressed out.”

“What do you mean?”

“There is so much going wrong that I can’t keep up.”

“What do you mean?” Peter asks, sitting forward. “Why haven’t you asked for help?”

“I have.” He groans, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“You have?”

“I asked Shawn.”

“Oh.” Peter leans back, a bit hurt that he wasn’t asked.

“No Pete, not like that. It’s not like that.” Raul shakes his head. “I couldn’t pay rent.” He mumbled, not making eye contact with his brother. “And as much as it disgusted me, I felt more comfortable asking Shawn for money.”

“Oh Raul.” Peter leans forward to squeeze his brothers hand for a brief moment, letting him know that he’s there for him. “Are you okay?”

“I mean no, I’m not. It fucking sucked. It fucking sucks that I might not be able to pay rent next month either.”

“What’s going on? Are you not making money?”

“Well we lost a lot of clients when Dad announced his retirement, and because of that business dropped significantly. I’m working on bringing some back, but it’s taking longer than I expected.”

“Can I help at all?”

“Know about $4000 worth of cars that need fixing?”

“Well no,” Peter shakes his head. “But like, can us as a family help?”

“Well,” Raul rubs the slight stubble on his chin. “Loretta is planning to retire,” He says, talking about the front desk receptionist. “I was thinking of asking Li if she’d be interested. I mean, she could work around class, and I’d be real flexible, school comes first.”

“Totally, and if you need another mechanic I can jump in and help. More hands mean more cars right?”

“No, Pete you just got that internship.”

“Yeah, on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.” Peter shrugs. “I ain’t got nothing going on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays.”

“Are you sure?”

“Totally, and like you can pay me minimum, I don’t need a whole lot. Plus I know you hate the new kid you hired. Brock right?”

“Yeah,” Raul sighs. “I mean he shows a bit of potential but like he’s so arrogant, and rude to customers. He’s driving away business.”

“So get rid of him, bring me on, keep Connor. And we’ll make it a family business again.”

“Are you sure Pete? Because I don’t want to overwhelm you, you’re dreams need to come before the shop.”

“No don’t do that.” Peter shakes his head. “The shop is your dream. My dreams aren’t superior to yours.”

“Let me talk to Li before we make any final plans okay?” Raul says, standing to hug his brother, because it feels like a weight was just completely lifted from his shoulders.

**

“Hey!” Aaliyah cheered when she looked up to see Raul walking into her bedroom. She hadn’t know he was coming over.

“Hey Kid.” He smiled, catching her as she leapt into his arms for a hug. “How you doing?”

“I’m good, staying busy.” She laughs, sitting back on her bed while Raul sits in the chair that sits at her vanity.

“How busy?”

“Um, just school and hockey.”

He nods, and looks around her room to stall.

“What’s up Raul? Why’d you stop by?”

“Can’t want to see my baby sister?” He asks looking back at her again.

“You can, if you ever did.” She giggled. “So what’s up?”

“Hey, I want to see you all the time.” He objects.

“Raul, you’re stalling. I know you, what’s up?”

“You want a job?” He blurts, eyes wide.

“What?” She breathes out.

“Fuck me,” He groans. “Okay what I meant to say is, Loretta at the shop is retiring, but she told me she’d wait until I found her replacement before she left the shop. She’s all worried with Dad retiring and now her that I’ll be left alone and screw the whole shop up. I know that’s not the case, but as I was thinking about replacing Loretta, I realized that all the people I’ve had to replace doesn’t make the shop feel like home anymore. It doesn’t feel like a family. I’d like to get back to that. So,” He shrugs, “If you’re looking for a job, that you can have through college, I’d love for you to join me at the shop as the receptionist.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I think you’d be really good at it. You know everything there is to know about the shop already, you know most of the customers. I’d be there with you everyday, Pete a few days out of the week.”

“Wait, Pete?”

“Yeah Pete talked to me about taking Brock’s shifts because his new internship is only three days a week. He’s willing to help out, and it’ll give him practice on working on motors before he goes all pro and starts working for Nasa.”

“I hate that Brock guy, he’s a creep.”

“He is, he’d be completely gone if you join us. I don’t want you around him, or really vice versa.”

“But I’ll have class.”

“And as your super proud older brother I’d much rather you go to class than to the shop. So if you did decide to join us, I’d be totally flexible to your schedule. We can switch it up anytime we need to, like if you feel you need more time to study one week that’s perfectly fine. If you want more hours because you don’t have so much going on, then you’ll have them. Whatever you want, I'll give you.”

“Really?”

“Yes, I want you Li. I miss seeing you everyday, and I think you’d be a great asset to the shop I’m trying to run.”

“Okay, yes. I’m in.”

“Oh my god!” Raul cheers, jumping up to hug his sister. “Yay! I can’t wait.”

“So what else is going on? I saw June like two weeks ago and she seems busy.”

“She is.” Raul nods. “She’s really busy.”

“You sound, bitter? About that.” She says, trying to figure out what the right word is to describe Raul’s reaction.

“I just,” He sighs. “I just feel a little jealous I guess. She spends so much time with Jackson, her editor. He’s literally all she talks about when she’s home. I can’t go two sentences without the guys name being in there. I love her to death, and their closeness scares me a little.”

“Raul, no, she loves you.”

“Lately, I’ve been worried about that. I just feel so inadequate. This Jackson guy has so much to offer her. I mean he’s her editor to start, but like he also knows what the fuck she talks about 99% of the time. While I’m over here floundering because she’s talking hyperbole's and foreshadowing. I mean I stay up late just to look those fucking words up because I don’t remember jackshit from school.”

“But you care Raul, I mean you’re looking the words up for heaven's sake.”

“I’m just a mechanic Li, not even a good one at that. How am I any help to her. I don’t read, ever, and I can’t proof her shit because I don’t know what that entails. I mean she doesn’t even let me read her work anyway, that’s how ashamed she is.”

“She is not ashamed of you Raul. You mean so much more to her than you even know. It’s astounding the way she speaks about you. I can’t even begin to do it justice because I can’t. You’re everything to her, you just need to listen when she tells you so.”

“I don’t know Li.”

“I think you need to talk to her about this. I think she needs to know how you’re feeling. How is it supposed to get better when the person you’re stressed over doesn’t even know your stressed about them?”

“Yeah I guess you’re right.”

“Then go home and talk to her, please.”

“It is date night, maybe I’ll talk to her tonight.” He nods, kissing his sisters cheek as a goodbye as he starts to leave. “I’ll text you when I’ve fired Brock, I don’t want you to start until he’s gone.”

**

Raul checks his phone as he gets in his car, noticing he’s got a few texts.

iMessage from Superstar Shawn: Okay loser, Petey’s coming by tonight for pizza and beer to watch the game. Be there or be square.

iMessage from Pete’s Dragon: What did Li say?

iMessage from My Juni <3: Hey, sorry honey I can’t make it home in time for date night tonight. Carol wants to talk book jacket bio

Raul rolls his eyes, replaying her ‘it won’t happen again’ back in his head. He knows he shouldn’t be upset and grumpy over this. Her dreams are coming true and that’s all he’s ever wanted for her. He just didn’t realize for her dreams to come true, their relationship would be put on hold.

iMessage to Superstar Shawn: I’ll be there

iMessage to Pete’s Dragon: I’ll tell ya tonight.

**

Raul has distanced himself a bit from Juniper, not wanting to ask the dire questions he needs answered in the slight chance that he won’t get the answer he wants. The ‘what if’ is too grave for him to risk.

Since she’s cancelled on him twice now for date night, in favor of working on her book he just feels like right now that’s the most important thing in her life. He’s trying to allow her to let that be important without her having to worry about anything else that’s going on in their lives at the moment.

The distance is something that’s taking a toll on Juniper. She’s been asked to write a more in-depth version of one of the last chapters of her book, and since the inspiration for the book seems to be super far away, she’s in the worst block she’s ever had.

“Juniper, go home.” Jackson says. “You need the night with him, actually you need like a week straight alone with him.”

What Juniper didn’t expect to find when she walked in the door was Raul hunched over the table, head in his hands as he reads through a bunch of paperwork.

“Hey.” She says softly, hoping not to startle him. “What’s all this?” She asks, referring to the opened envelopes all over the table.

“Nothing.” Raul grunts. “What’s wrong? Why are you home?”

“Hi, nice to see you too Dear.” She pokes his shoulder, teasingly. “I wanted to spend some time with you. I miss my boyfriend.”

“Well he’s always here Juniper.” Raul spits, shrugging off her hands that had started to massage his shoulders. She stares at the back of his head appalled that he’d called her Juniper, not Juniper Baby.

“I know, and I appreciate that. I’m always here for you too.” She plants a kiss to his mop of curls.

“No you’re not.” He stands, grabbing the papers in a rush. As he turns to walk out of the dining room area that leads to the kitchen, he drops a paper. Juniper reaches down to grab it for him, but looks at it first.

“What is this?” She gasps. “A final notice?”

“Give me that.” Raul turns on his heel in a hurry to snatch the paper form her.

“Wait, is this our phone bill?” She steps out of his reach as she continues to read the bill.

“No!” He reaches for it again.

“Wait-” She stops him, pulling the other bills from his hands. Watching as he sighs in defeat, hanging his head. “Almost all of these are final notices.”

“Yeah well.” He scratches the back of his neck as she siffles through papers.

“Raul,” She looks up at him. “Why didn’t you tell me about this? I thought we were in this together, no?”

At this Raul snaps, his spin spins out of control and he loses it all.

“Me too!” He raises his voice. “But lately you haven’t been here! I’ve been here,” He points to his chest. “Me, I’ve been here. And guess what Juniper, we’re fucking broke. News flash, you’re 16 hour days of editing are unpaid.”

“Hey.” She says softly.

“I can’t do it on my own anymore. I mean fuck, the shop is just now starting to make money again. This is the first month I’ve been able to pay myself since I took over. We can finally make this month’s rent by the skin of our teeth.”

“Wait.” She stops him, now starting to ramp up to his anger. “If you’ve just now been able to pay yourself, then how have we paid rent the four months we’ve lived here?”

“Well the first two months totally drained my savings, and last month I had to go to Shawn.”

She gasps as she looks at him. She takes a step back, eyes wide, mouth agape. “You what?”

“I had to, what else was I going to do?”

“Talking to me about it would have been a good start. You didn’t Raul, you didn’t drain everything?”

“How were we going to pay rent?” He exclaims, waving his hands around. “Hate to say it, but this hellhole we live in that barely has heat and no dishwasher is expensive.”

“Raul,” Her eyes go misty. “I can’t believe you.”

“What? What did I do now? Sorry I’m not fucking perfect okay? I was just trying to be enough so you could live out your dream. But I couldn’t fucking do it on my own, as much as I wanted to, I couldn’t.”

“We were supposed to do it together Raul.” She sighs, shaking her head.

“How?” He laughs desperately. “How was I supposed to help make your dreams come true in any other way? Hmm? I’m not Jackson, Juniper. I can’t edit your writing, I mean you won’t even let me read it. I get it, I’m not smart like you. I don’t read and write, I understand you don’t want me to read your work. The least I can do, to feel somewhat adequate in this relationship was to make sure you weren’t worried about money.”

“What?” She stares at him. “What do you mean feel adequate in this relationship?” She stands appalled at the words he’s just spoken.

“I mean, what else am I to you?”

“The love of my life.” She cuts him off. “How could you think otherwise? Raul I don’t need you to be able to edit my work. I don’t need you to read or be anything you aren’t. I need you to be you. I need you.” She wipes away the tear that’s rolling down her cheek. “I can’t believe I’ve made you feel that way. You’re everything to me. I haven’t let you read my work, but not because I don’t want you to. Or that I think you’re not smart enough, or some bullshit like that. Because that’s, that’s utter bullshit. Raul I haven’t let you read my book because it’s about you, and I’m scared that it’s not perfect enough to show you yet.”

“It’s what?” Raul deflates, falling back into the counter a little.

“It’s about you. It’s a love story between a young author and a mechanic.” She digs through her backpack that she set next to the table when she walked in. She grabs a book and hands it to him. “This is the first printed copy. It’s not the actual copy we’ll print because we’re still adding scenes. But this was my manuscript I sent in. Carol printed it for me so I can have both this copy and the edited copy to compare.”

Raul stares at the book in her hands, at the book jacket that reads ‘Gears of Love’. She holds it out to him, and gently he takes the book. He turns it over to read the back summary that reads.

A love story like no other. Can dreams really lead you to the rest of your life? Follow Katie Fallon, an aspiring author who meets Bryce Mills when her car breaks down on her way home from the library one night. Bryce is the local mechanic who tows Katie's car back to his shop. It’s a tale for the ages as Katie consistently bumps into Bryce around town, and Bryce falls head over engines for the cute girl that dotted her I’s with hearts.

“You dot your I’s with hearts.” Raul looks up, staring into Juniper’s eyes.

“When you read the book you’ll find out that Bryce has a head of brown curls, and the most annoying brothers Katie’s ever met. It doesn’t mention it in the summary, but Bryce is a triplet.”

“You wrote a book about me?” Raul whispers, eyes lighting up.

“Yeah, you inspired me the first day you ever walked into Amy’s. I started writing this book then. After our first date the whole idea just took off, and with every day I’ve spent with you after this book has grown more and more. Honestly, I’m writing the sequel right now.”

“A sequel?” He smiles.

“It’s why I’ve been spending so much time with Jackson, rewriting the end of this book so I can lead into the sequel seamlessly.”

“Oh Juniper Baby.” He coos, bending his knees enough to pick her up and hauled her into his chest. “You’re amazing.”

“I love you so much Raul. I’m sorry I’ve made you feel otherwise.”

“No Baby, I should have talked to you about it sooner.”

“I should have been talking to you about all of this from the get go, and I shouldn’t have cancelled another date night.”

“Stop.”

“No you stop, I’m apologizing.”

“I don’t want it.”

“Raul.” She pulls back to look at him. “I want-”

“If the next word out of your mouth isn’t cuddles then you might as well just not say anything. Because I’m gonna take you into our bedroom, and cuddle the shit out of you while I explain to you all the changes I made to the shop, and how we need to, as a couple, figure out our saving plan. Okay?”

“Okay.” She nods.

“First give me a kiss?”

“I thought you’d never ask.”

**

This book is dedicated to my amazing boyfriend Raul. He’s my daily inspiration and without his love and support this book would have never happened. This is all for you Honey, I love you!

Raul cried when she gave him his very owned signed copy, reading the dedication in the front broke the tears from his eyes.

“Oh Juniper Baby.” He whined, turning around hugging her as she hands the rest of his family their copies as well. “I can’t believe you.”

“Ha! Raul you’re the dedication.” Aaliyah laughs, reading the page. “That’s so sweet.”

“It was the least I could do.”

“Babe,” Raul shakes his head. “You just bought us a new TV.”

“Well, I mean you needed something to go with your new Xbox.”

“You got a new Xbox?” Peter pipes up.

“Yeah was gonna invite you over for a game night this week.” Raul smiles, wiggling his eyebrows at Peter. “Since she’s forcing me to keep it after I’ve told her a thousand times to take it back.” He gives Juniper a look.

“I wanted to get you something, now shut up about it.” 

“I’m in.” Peter nods dumbly.

“Y’all I better have an invite, it’s been awhile since I beat your ass at Fifa.” Aaliyah shoved her brothers shoulders.

“Will Shawn be in town?” Juniper asked.

“Um, I think he gets back in town Wednesday.” Peter said. “So does Thursday work?”

“Works perfect for me.” Aaliyah speaks up.

“Yeah we can hang after work.” Raul nods.

“How’s the shop Raul?” Manuel asks.

“It’s going really well, we made almost $6000 more than we were projected to this last month. Was able to give everyone a bit of a bonus for hanging in there and getting us through the tough times. But it’s good. Business is racking up for holidays.”

“Yeah we have like 6 oil changes scheduled for tomorrow and Peter’s still working on that Jeep while Raul’s working on a Motorcycle for some primo guy from the Hamptons right?” Aaliyah smiles.

“Yeah shipped his bike all the way here because I happened to work on one of his buddies bikes a few weeks back. He’s paying top dollar for parts and labor. It’s a good deal, and it’s a nice bike to work on.” Raul nods.

“I’m proud of you Raul, you really turned the shop around. I knew you were the perfect fit.”

“Hmm,” Juniper smiles, rubbing Raul’s back. “I feel like I’ve said that a time or two.”

“I know,” Raul nods. “Thank you for believing in me.”

“Thank you for believing in me.” She smiles.

[myherowritings]

One Hell of a Knockout

Overview: Boxer AU. Bakugou is a young pro boxer climbing his way to the top of the charts. One day, his friends Kirishima and Ashido invite you to a match. Unbeknownst to you, you end up accidentally distracting Katsuki during a fight and he gets a punch landed on his face.

Pairing: Boxer!Bakugou Katsuki x Female!Reader

Word Count: 1,864

Warning(s): Lots of swearing.

Author’s Note: Thank you whoever requested this! I had so much fun writing this. I need some more Boxer!Bakugou in my life… Enjoy! :)

The crowd roared when he threw the final punch, adrenaline rushing through his body as felt the impact beneath his hand, watching his opponent fall to the ground. Sweat ran down the sides of his temples, stinging the gash on his high point of his cheek bone. But Bakugou’s head was too filled with the lingering buzz of epinephrine to notice.

Another match won and another night left of having to fend off annoying paparazzi.

He loved the way fighting felt, and he’d by lying if he said he didn’t get a thrill from all the attention he received. But he hated the endless interviews and the attitude his publicist forced him to adopt during them.

The only thing Bakugou was remotely looking forward to was seeing his old friends Kirishima and Ashido who came to watch his match today.

“Bakugou! Good work out there,” his coach, Yagi Toshinori, complimented when he stepped out of the rink. He we a former boxing legend who had to quit early because of the toll it took on his body. Yagi gave him a pat on the back before nodding to his cheek. “But what happened here? You lost focus during the last round, kid.”

Because of those loud fuckers he called his friend, Bakugou thought crossly.

During a high intensity, low noise part of the match, he heard Kirishima’s big ass mouth yell his name out just like he had in high school. And Ashido was cheering along, her bright hair waving around as she jumped like a fool. Some things never changed.

But that’s not what kept his attention.

It was someone who stood in between Kiri and Mina that caught his gaze. You had your hair pushed out of your face as you cheered, skin glistening from the heat that came from the audience stands. Bakugou was entranced when a droplet of sweat rolled off your jaw and onto your--

He shook his head.

“It was nothing,” said Bakugou gruffly, taking a towel and drying his face and neck with it. “That was my mistake, but it won’t happen again.”

“That’s good to hear,” Yagi replied brightly, leading Bakugou to a group of interviewers. “I’m holding you to that, Bakugou. Now, the sooner you finish these interviews, the sooner you can shower. I’ll show your friends to your dressing room.”

He nodded, setting his jaw as he recalled all the words he was supposed to sensor in front of the press. “Thanks. I’ll be quick.”

One by one, Bakugou answered all of their questions. (“How do you feel?” Good. “What are you going to do after?” Shower. And his personal favorite, “Do you have a special someone in your life?” For the millionth time, no.)

So used to the routine, he dozed off answering banal questions with mundane answers, getting frustrated when he found his mind wandering to thoughts of you-- How your hair bounced around  your face lit up when you cheered. What the fuck?

Bakugou groaned, cutting his interviews short and booking it to the showers. When he finished, he dried himself off and put a pair of loose shorts he had lying around on.

As he entered his private dressing room, Kirishima was the first to greet him.

“Bakugou!” Kirishima greeted, bouncing over to him with you and Ashido in tow. “Bro, you killed it out there.”

“It was okay.” He huffed as his friend gave him a hug but made no move to shrug him off. “Where’s Ashido?”

“She went to the bathroom with our friend. They should be back soon.”

Their friend, huh? Bakugou folded his arms across his chest.

“Was that the girl?”

Kirishima tilted his head in confusion before giving Katsuki a knowing look.

“Why? You into her?”

“Shut up, Shitty Hair. I was only wondering.”

Kirishima grinned. “She’s a friend from college. Name’s Y/L/N Y/N. Ashido and I haven’t seen her in a while and she was in the area, so we asked if she wanted to come. I’m sure you’ll love her, bro.”

Bakugou grunted. “Whatever.”

As the two of them continued to catch up, Katsuki heard his door open. He made eye contact with you as you walked in with Mina. As he was about to greet the two of them, he felt a nudge on his ribs.

“You might want to put a shirt on, man,” Kirishima whispered, elbowing him. “It’s getting cold and no one wants to see you start nipping.”

“Fuck off, bastard!” he replied crossly. “People would pay to see that.”

Kirishima snickered. “That’s something to be proud of.”

The men shoved each other around before Bakugou rolled his eyes, shrugging on a sleeveless black hoodie.

As he raised his arms above his head, he felt your gaze follow the exposed areas of his toned abdomen. Bakugou met your stare with a raise of his brow, flexing his arms slightly.

When he saw the color flood your cheeks, he smirked to himself. Cute.

“What the fuck, bro?”

He glared at Kirishima, confused. “What?”

“That’s the stupidest fucking sweater I’ve ever seen. I mean-- Where are the sleeves? What’s the point of wearing that--?”

“Shut your fucking mouth--!”

You started laughing. It was a sweet, resonant sound that made him lose track of his words.

Bakugou shut up.

Kirishima suppressed his chortle.

“Is this the greeting I get after not seeing you for almost six months, Katsuki?” Ashido asked dramatically, waving her hand to make her presence known. “Is this what I, one of your closest friends, deserve after years of--?”

“Hi, Ashido,” he interrupted, ruffling her pink hair. “Your dark circles don’t look as bad today.”

She gasped, gently touching her face. “Dark circles?” Mina glared at him, her eyes narrowing into slits. “They don’t look half as bad as your butt fucking ugly sleeveless hoodie, that’s for sure.”

“Why the fuck--!?”

“I think it looks kind of cute,” you interrupted with a giggle.

They turned to you.

Ashido hummed. Kirishima smirked. Bakugou-- He didn’t know what to do.

“Hear that Bakubro? Y/N thinks it’s cute.”

You flushed and Katsuki whacked his friend on the back of his head.

“Shut up, hair-for-brains,” he retorted. Then, he turned to you. Your hair was still tied up, loose strands framing your face in a way that made Bakugou want to curl it around his finger--

What the actual hell? he snapped to himself. Did the punch to the face make him lose some brain cells?

“This is our friend Y/N,” Mina introduced as she and Eijirou exchanged surreptitious glances. “Y/N, this is Bakugou.”

“Hi,” you said with a grin, reaching out to shake his hand. “Nice to meet you. I’ve never watched a boxing match live before and you were so amazing! That final blow you landed caused one hell of a knockout.”

You’re one hell of a knockout, he almost blurted.

“Thanks,” Katsuki said, shrugging your compliment off. For someone who liked attention so much, Bakugou fucking sucked at receiving compliments. “I...It’s good you liked watching it.”

You smiled.

“So, Katsuki. Y/N,” Kirishima said with a cough, turning the attention to himself. “Ashido and I forgot we only had dinner reservations for two.”

Your eyebrows furrowed and Bakugou’s left eye twitched.

“But you told me you called ahead for reservations for four--” you began.

“I lied!”

You blinked.

Katsuki felt his temple throb at the thought of his two idiot friends. What the fuck were they planning?

“We’ll totally make dinner plans for tomorrow!” Mina promised, grinning mischievously at Bakugou. “But for tonight, I’m getting so sleepy.” She fake yawned. “Bird Brain looks tired, too.”

“What the fuck, Ashido?” Kirishima muttered. “Bird Brain--?”

She glared at him and he shut up. “It would be a shame to let the reservation go to waste. But Eijirou and I are just so tired.”

You and Bakugou looked at each other in way that said neither of you were buying it.

Still, Kirishima clapped his hands together as if he had a brilliant idea. “I know! We can just go back to the hotel, and Y/N and Katsuki can go to the restaurant together!”

Bakugou saw you progressively getting more flustered and he felt his own face heating up as well. Those fucking idiots.

“Bakugou even said he’ll pay for it,” Ashido said with a beam. She stared him down through gritted teeth. “Right, Katsuki?”

“I-- What the fuck? I mean, yes, I’ll pay for her, but--”

He tried not to pay attention to how you shyly looked away, toying with a strand of your hair as bit your lip to stop the annoyingly cute smile from spreading on your face.

“You hear that, Y/N?” Kirishima cheered. “It’s a date.”

“We’ll call you tomorrow,” Ashio said as they began to walk out of his room. “The reservation is in an hour! We’ll text you the address. In the meanwhile, I’d change into something nicer.”

Eijirou winked and Mina gave two thumbs up before letting the door shut.

The two of you stared at each other open mouthed for one beat. Two beats.

Your shoulders started shaking in laughter as you pressed your hand against your stomach, wiping a tear away. Bakugou couldn’t help but let out an incredulous snicker of his own.

“What the fuck just happened?” fumed Katsuki.

“I think we just got set up,” you replied, a smile on yourself despite the flushed appearance on your cheeks.

“That was the least subtle way these fuckers could’ve done it,” he huffed. But he was nowhere near as annoyed as he sounded. In fact, Bakugou wasn’t really mad at all. “But, they did get a reservation.”

You nodded. “They did.”

“It’d be stupid to let it go to waste.”

What the was he saying? If they didn’t show, the restaurant would gladly replace them and the group could make another for tomorrow. There was no fucking waste.

But Bakugou couldn’t help himself.

“That would be a shame,” you agreed. Peering up at him through your lashes, you tucked a piece of hair behind your ear. “Maybe we should go? You don’t have to actually pay for me--”

“I will.” He turned red at your shocked expression, folding his arms across his chest. “It’s no big deal, or whatever.”

“Right,” you said. But you were grinning.

Katsuki decided he didn’t mind that smile on your face.

After the two of you changed into more appropriate clothing--to which you teased him about the loss of his sleeveless hoodie--you made it to the restaurant with only a minute to spare.

“The reservation is under the name Kirishima,” Bakugou told the worker once they entered the establishment.

Nodding, the worker looked through the names until he landed on Kirishima’s.

“Kirishima, party of four? Right this way, please.”

“Party of four?” you asked under your breath, eyes wide as you placed your hand on Bakugou’s bicep.

He tried his hardest not to flex.

Bakugou swore. “Those fucking idiots.”

But when Katsuki heard your laugh, he realized he wasn’t all that upset. In fact, he was rather glad he could be here with just you.

Even the punch to the cheekbone in the middle of a match was worth it.

[thefallennightmare]

Hesitate

Pairings: Joe Jonas x Reader

Warnings: major angst, fluff, some swears here and there.

Words: a lot. 8,252.

Summary: Being the Jonas Brothers photographer had many, many perks. But the lows? The lows were way worse; like watching the man you’re in love with being in love with someone else.

A/N: My love for the Jo Bros have resurfaced with such force after seeing them in Milwaukee that this idea for a Joe fic came to mind and I had to write it. Please let me know what you think. I’ve very torn on this fic. 

The happy chatter and laughter bounced around the small space of the jet and I sulked farther into my seat, the volume of my laptop increasing. There were only ten people on the jet, me included, but it sounded and felt like there were at least fifty. My eyes landed on the team of people I worked for and had to tear my gaze away before he noticed. I forced myself to continue to edit the same picture I had up on my screen for the last hour. Rubbing my palms into my eyes, I let out a groan that was silent to me but was not to others 

“Kevin, stop! That tickles!” 

I slammed my laptop shut with a little too much force and stood with the hope that I could find a quiet, secluded part of the jet to continue my work. It was nearing two a.m and we had another long day tomorrow that consisted off photo shoots, interviews, and another sold out show. I also had to find time to sleep during all of that. 

“Hey, everything alright?” 

Turing to the soft voice, I felt my heart hammer in my chest while my stomach flipped three times over. The perfect smile that stood out from the rest caught my eyes immediately as I found myself staring a little too fondly at the man in front of me. 

Joe Jonas. 

“Y-yeah. I’m just really tired and I want to get the pictures from tonight posted before sunrise. I just started working with you guys, don’t need to give you a reason to fire me,” I cringed at the way I stumbled over my words. 

Joe gave me a small wave, “We’ve seen your work, Y/N. When we decided to go back on tour and needed a photographer, we had to hire you.” 

“Thank you,” I gave him a small smile. 

“You should get some sleep,” he mentioned after taking a drink of his beer. 

“I could say the same thing about you guys,” I nodded towards his brothers and the other members of the team. 

“We can quiet down if the noise is too loud?” Joe suggested. 

I gave him a stern shake of my head. “Do not stop having fun because of me. I can always find another way to the next city.” 

It was Joe’s turn to shake his head. “Fuck that. You’re part of the team so you ride with us, like everyone else.” 

My heart warmed at his comment of part of the team.

“Well even if I wanted to go to sleep, I couldn’t. Flying really freaks me out.” I admitted. 

Joe set his empty beer bottle on the table to the right of him. He pushed a few loose strands of hair from his face and I had to force myself not to do it for him. 

“Why didn’t you tell us?” 

“Honestly? I didn’t think we were at the part of this relationship to let each other know our deep, dark secrets,” I shrugged with a small laugh. 

Joe’s lips twitched at the mention of relationship but couldn’t respond as a blonde came up from behind him, placing a soft kiss to his cheek. My heart fell into my stomach with the way Joe looked at her, wishing it was me. 

“Babe, we’re all ready for another round of drinks,” She smiled at Joe before sending the smile my way. “Get any good shots, Y/N?” 

“Yeah. You’re going to love the ones of Joe, Sophie.” I gave a forced smile in return to Joe’s fiance.

“Can’t wait. C’mon babe,” Sophie tugged on Joe’s hand, ending the first solid conversation we shared in the few weeks I had been on tour with them. 

A soft tune left my lips as I wandered the back halls of the arena, eyes glued to my camera as I went through all of the pictures I got tonight and deleting the bad ones; however, when it came to the brothers, there weren’t any bad pictures. 

We were in a new city, Boston, and we were nearing the end of the first month of tour. We thankfully had a small break after tonight for a week and I was so giddy to return home, to sleep in my own bed. 

My feet came to a halt a few feet in front of the two figures, locked together in a kiss. Swallowing the jealousy, I wanted to turn my back on them but the longer I stared at the two in love, I realized that he would never be like that with me; he was married now. 

Joe and Sophie had decided to get married after the show in Vegas a few days ago. Thankfully I hadn’t been there but found out about it from Instagram. I was completely wrecked. I knew that there wasn’t a chance in hell that Joe would want to be with me, he barely knew me. To him, I was just the photographer for the Jonas Brothers. 

“Y/N, wait up!” 

Biting my lip, I turned on my heels and gave a small smile to the newlyweds. 

“What's up?” 

“The jet is leaving in a few hours.” Joe informed. 

“Uh, actually I’m taking a flight straight home,” I admitted. 

Sophie’s eyebrows rose. “You’re not coming to our party?” 

“I’ve got some family issues to take care of, I’m sorry,” I lied. 

They were throwing a Just Married party at their home in Los Angeles and I tried to think of any excuse at all to not show up and I gave them the oldest one in the book. 

“Everything okay?” 

My lips curled into a smile at the concern in Joe’s voice. 

“Yeah, just have to take care of some things. But I really should get going, I’ll see you guys next week.” 

Giving them a small wave goodbye, I ignored the want of being in Sophie’s place and walked farther and farther away from the one who held my heart. 

The wind blew softly through my curls as I walked the strip of the airport towards the giant jet waiting for me. A cold breeze brushed past my bare shoulders and I cursed when I realized I should have left my sweater unpacked. 

The week off came and went in a blink of an eye. I sat on my couch in my oldest pair of sweats watching terrible romance movies, finding myself wishing I had that life. The night before, however, was the worst. I had seen so many pictures from Joe’s and Sophie’s party that my heart had shattered and the only way I found a way to pick them up and glue them back together was with a large bottle of vodka. 

It was a great idea at the time but now? With the sun just beginning to rise, my head felt like it was two thousand pounds due to my hangover. 

“Y/N’s here!” 

“Oh god, Nick. Not so loud.” I groaned once I entered the jet. 

Nick laughed. “Someone had a good night last night?” 

“Soo great,” I joked after tossing my bag on the makeshift couch of the jet. “No wives?” 

“Nope. Just you and brothers. No one else can make it out till tomorrow,” Nick shook his head. 

“If I’d known that, I would have asked for another day off,” I muttered while rubbing my temples. 

“Who’s the guy?” 

I blinked towards Nick. “What?” 

He shrugged. “I figured you had a good night last night.” 

“Yeah, it was so great. My ass on my couch watching terrible rom-coms.” I admitted. 

“You could have came to Joe’s party,” Nick suggested. 

“No thanks,” I groaned. 

If Nick had picked up on any hint of jealousy, he didn’t say anything because a round of laughter erupted from the back of the jet. My tired eyes landed on Kevin and Joe, my heart leaping into my throat. 

“Damn, Y/N. You look like hell,” Kevin joked as he took a seat on the other end of the jet. 

“Fuck off, Kevin,” I smirked. 

“Give her a break,” Nick placed an arm around my shoulder, “She had a hot date last night.” 

“You did?” 

Joe’s voice startled me at how deep it was and that was the first time I saw the lines in his forehead deepen in what I’ve only known as one thing; jealousy. 

“Yeah, with my couch,” I joked to lighten the sudden tension. 

Joe continued to stare at me, his eyes burning into the side of my head and I shifted in my seat, my body feeling like it was just ignited in fire. Clearing my throat, I motioned towards the back of the plane. 

“I’m going to go try laying down for a bit.”  

Joe remained in his spot; in the middle of the doorway to the room. I avoided my gaze from his as I squeezed past him, our bodies softly brushing against one another. I could ignore his stare as long as I wanted. I couldn’t, however, ignore the way my body felt against his. 

Smiling at the other behind the scene members of the band, I made my way towards the stage with my camera hanging low on my neck, the brothers were set to go on in just a few minutes. 

After the questionable tension between Joe and I on the jet, I had decided to take my own flight to the last couple of cities, to avoid any other tension. Kevin and Nick questioned my actions, all three of us growing close in the last month, so I gave them the best lie I could think of; “I’ve got so much work to do that I need some time alone.” 

They never caught on, thankfully. 

Now, here I was almost a week later since I had seen any of the brothers, besides during concerts, I found myself missing them. I wouldn’t call us best friends but we were close. 

“I don’t know what else to do. You complain when I’m home too much so I try and go out but then you complain that I’m never home. No matter what I do, it doesn’t seem to make you happy.” 

My feet came to a sudden stop when I heard hushed voices coming from behind a closed door. 

“I’m sorry that I’m not a perfect wife for you!” an accented voice shrill. 

Sophie. 

“That’s not what I’m saying. Fuck, do you ever listen to me?!” 

Joe. 

I knew I shouldn’t have been eavesdropping on their private conversations but curiosity got the best of me as I leaned forward towards the door. 

“I’m trying not to let her get under my skin, I really am Joe but it’s so fucking hard being compared to her.”  

“No one is comparing you two, Sophie.” 

The softness in Joe’s voice made my heart yearn for him. He sounded so broken. 

“You are! I saw you the other day looking at her pictures! She goes or I do.”  

“Sophie, I can't-.” 

Suddenly the door was thrown against the wall, a heated blonde emerging. We locked eyes for a split second and Sophie scoffed before stomping down the hall. 

My mouth fell open as I watched her disappear around a corner then finally my eyes landed on the broken figure in the doorway. His eyes were red and bloodshot, his once styled hair now a mess due to most likely running his hands through it. 

He still looked like a fucking dream. 

“How long have you been standing there?” Joe’s bottom lip trembled as he let out a large breath. 

“The whole time.” 

I didn’t bother to lie to him.

He nodded before stuffing his hands in his pockets. “It’s just a little fight.” 

“It didn’t sound little.” I observed. “Want to talk about it?” 

Joe’s sweet lips opened to protest but he pulled them in a tight line.

“Sophie’s been under a lot of stress lately. We’ve been trying to plan an actual wedding in Paris but she thinks I’ve been to busy.” Joe defended. 

“You’re going to get married again?” My heart sunk to the bowels of my stomach. 

“Vegas really wasn’t our dream wedding. We just did it for laughs,” he shrugged. 

“Who’s the girl?” I questioned. 

Joe blinked, a bit taken aback. “What?” 

“The girl Sophie is making you choose between.” Curiosity got the best of me, I couldn’t help the words as they were leaving my mouth. 

Joe pulled his bottom lip between his teeth, boring his eyes into mine. “You.” 

“Wh-what?” I stuttered. 

Never in a million years would I have thought that they would be fighting about me. I had no clue they knew about my feelings for Joe. I hadn’t told anyone. 

“I was on your Instagram a few days ago saving some of your pictures for your birthday present. Sophie found the pictures on my phone and took it the wrong way.” Joe spilled. 

“My birthday? It’s not for another couple of months.” I reminded him. 

He nodded. “I know but the guys and I were working on putting a portfolio together for you. You’re amazing at what you do, Y/N. You need something to do after the tour ends.” 

If I didn’t hate crying in front of people, I would have broken down in happy tears at the sweet gesture the team was doing for me. 

“Did you tell Sophie that?” 

“Yeah,” Joe ran a hand over his face, “But it didn’t help that when she asked if I thought you were attractive, I didn’t lie.”

“What did you tell her?” I swallowed the nervous lump in my throat. 

“Of course you’re attractive. But I’m in love with Sophie.” Joe admitted. 

“Right.” 

The venom that slipped through my voice surprised the both of us. But I couldn’t believe how naive I was thinking that Joe would leave Sophie for me only because he thought I was attractive. 

They had a life together now, I wasn’t the one that Joe wanted. The mere thought of them having an actual wedding in Paris was the weight that the scale in my heart needed to tip towards ‘he will never love you.’

For the last three months I had been torturing myself by watching Joe and Sophie together, wanting to  be in her place. I knew it would never happen but I continued to allow myself to fall for him. 

The way that he put EVERYONE before him, no matter what it cost. The way he could make anyone laugh, me included, on their worst days. And the way he radiates light on that stage, giving everything to the thousands of fans that came out to see him, love him, and follow him through his own ups and downs. 

Blowing out a large breath, I let the heartbreak finally knock me down. On shaky legs, I motioned behind me. 

“I just remembered, I wanted to get some shots of the stage before the show.” 

“Y/N, I didn’t-.”

“Don’t, Joe. Please don’t make me feel even more pathetic than I do now,” I held up a hand, ignoring his pleas while walking away from him. 

“Chris, stop,” I giggled while trying to push away the fingers that reached for my camera. 

“C’mon, I want to see the pictures from last night.”

I smiled while shaking my head. “I don’t show anyone my pictures until they’re edited. That’s the most fun.” 

“We’ve been dating for a month and I still haven’t seen any of your pictures.” Chris pouted. 

“I wouldn’t call casually hooking up ‘dating.’” I admitted. 

Chris held a hand over his heart in mock hurt. 

“So that’s all I’m good for is sex?” 

“Pretty much,” I lightly tapped his cheek with a loud laugh escaping my lips. 

Chris was one of the light techs for The Jonas Brothers and we had only started talking over a month ago when I started taking my own flights to the next cities. 

After the conversation between Joe and I, we had decided to keep our relationship strictly professional. I would arrive right before the boys would get on and stay back after they left, which is how I met Chris. 

It wasn’t anything serious; us just using each other for sex. I was still head over heels in love with Joe but needed a distraction from the unwanted feelings.

“So did you want to meet at my room after the show?” Christ questioned, his fingers running up and down my bare arm. 

“Are you going to make it worth it?” I flirted while running my hand through his hair. 

“Don’t I always?” Chris’ breath brushed against my ears, sending shivers all over my body. 

Licking my lips, I pressed my palms into his chest, trying to give us some space. “You know I hate PDA.”

“No one is watching,” Chris breathed into my neck. 

Feeling someone’s gaze burn all over my body, I peeked over Chris’ shoulder and my eyes immediately connecting with a pair of brown ones. 

Joe watched with a clenched jaw as Chris’ hands moved lower, ghosting over my ass. His lips continued to brush the sensitive part of my neck but I couldn’t tear my gaze away from Joe. 

“Chris, stop. I’m serious,��� I tried to push him off again but failed when he hit my sweet spot with his teeth. 

Joe’s eyes fell as he continued to watch Chris leave his mark on me. I felt regret fill my veins when he looked down at the ground trying to avoid my gaze. 

Nick, who was standing next to Joe, must have caught onto his brother’s feelings so he called over to me. 

“Y/N! The show's about to start. You should head to the stage.”

Chris pulled away with an annoyed groan, reluctantly allowing me to remove myself from his grasp. 

“I’ll see you after the show.”

Giving him a small kiss on the cheek, I walked over towards Nick and Joe, ignoring the later hard gaze. 

“How long has that been going on?” Nick nodded towards Chris. 

“Not long. We’re just hanging out; it’s not serious.” I informed. 

“Looked pretty serious to me,” Joe spat. 

I sliced my eyes over to him. “So what if it is? It’s none of your business.” 

“Guys, let’s not do this now. Save it for later,” Nick suggested. 

“Gladly,” I pushed passed the brothers, purposely slamming my shoulder into Joe’s. 

“Y/N, do you need anything?” 

Looking away from the screen of my laptop, I shook my head at Kevin. “No, I’m fine. Thanks for letting me catch a ride with you guys tonight. I can’t believe I forgot to buy a plane ticket.” 

He shrugged before sitting on the other seat of the jet. “You’re always welcomed.” 

“Can you believe the tour is more than half over?,” I breathed, “It’s flying by.” 

“I know. I love being on stage every night with my brothers but damn, I can’t wait to be home again,” Kevin laughed. 

“I bet your girls miss you.” I smiled. 

The grin that came to Kevin’s lips warmed my heart. “I miss them more. I’m thankful that they’ve had the chance to see me on stage, with my brothers, doing what we love.”

“I’m thankful you guys gave me the opportunity to do what I love,” I beamed. 

“Hey, thank Joe. He’s the one that found you on Instagram,” Kevin stated. 

At the mention of Joe, my heart nearly busted through my chest. We all were coming back from another week long break and there had been rumors that Joe and Sophie had been fighting constantly. The paps snapped pictures of her leaving their Australia home while Joe was photographed at their LA home during the same time. My fingers itched wanting to text him to see if he was alright but I knew it wasn’t any of my business what was going on between them. 

“It’s ridiculous. I can’t even bring her up in a conversation without Sophie freaking out.” 

Joe and Nick walked onto the plane, their private conversation came to a halt when their eyes landed on me. 

“What are you doing here?” Nick questioned with a small smile playing at his lips. 

“Kevin said I could catch a ride with you guys. I’m an idiot that forgot to buy a plane ticket.” 

“How’d you forget to buy a ticket?” Nick laughed, sitting down on the couch. 

Joe silently sat down on the opposite end of the couch I had been lounging on. I pulled my knees to my chest, allowing him more room to sit comfortably. 

“It’s been a rough week,” I defended with a laugh. 

“How are things with Chris?” Kevin asked. 

Joe’s body went stiff and I tried my best to ignore his gaze. 

“That’s over as fast as it started,” I admitted. 

“What happened?” 

Looking at Nick, I shrugged. “We both wanted a relationship, just not with each other.” 

“I’m sorry,” Kevin sympathized. 

“Don’t be. It made me realize that there is someone out there that wants to be with me, I shouldn’t have to settle for what I think I need or want.” I smiled. 

Joe cleared his throat while shifting in his spot. “Can you guys give us a minute?” 

Confused, I watched as Nick and Kevin retreated to the back of the jet, leaving Joe and I alone. 

I could hear my heart in my ears as I waited for Joe to speak; to say something, anything.The silence was deafening and I opened my mouth to say the first word but Joe interrupted me. 

“I’m sorry for distancing myself from you.” 

“I’m just as guilty as you,” I admitted. 

“I thought that if I spent time away from you, it would fix things between Sophie and I but it only made me realize something I never wanted to admit outloud.” 

Licking my lips, I swallowed. “What’s that?” 

“I missed you.” 

Joe looked into my eyes for the first time and the sparkle behind them brought goosebumps to my skin. He moved closer to me, fingers brushing against my leg, and I fought the urge to leap over to him and attach my lips to his. 

“I love Sophie,” Joe continued, “But when I saw you with Chris, there was this burning rage that I’d never experienced with anyone. Not even Sophie; my wife.” 

“That’s called jealousy.” I tried to joke but bit my lip when I noticed the serious look on Joe’s face. 

“I’ve been torn on what to do that it’s put a stress on my marriage. I haven’t seen Sophie in almost two weeks.” Joe played with the ring on his left hand. 

“You’re married, Joe. You shouldn’t let me get in between you and Sophie. I can forget how I feel about you if it means you’re happy with your wife,” I choked out, holding back the tears. 

“Can you?” Joe questioned. 

The air around us suddenly thickened, the desire burning bright in Joe’s eyes as he stared directly into my own before they fell to the top of my chest, which was peaking out of my tank top. Adjusting my position on the couch, I cleared my throat hoping that would break him from his intense gaze. 

“Y-yeah,” I nodded.

Joe raised his eyebrows, slowly inching closer to me. “Are you sure?”

My mouth ran dry when I felt his fingers trace small circles on my bare thigh, Joe wearing a smug smile as he closed the small space between us; inch by inch. My fingers itched, wanting to run them through his hair, but reality struck when I felt his breath fanning over my lips. I had realized how close Joe was and how bad it would look if Kevin or Nick walked in. 

“Joe,” I breathed while placing my hands on his chest, “We can-.” 

“Tell me you don’t want this,” Joe mused. 

Silence. 

That’s what came out of my mouth. 

I couldn’t tell Joe I didn’t want his lips on mine because that’s all I wanted. All day, every single day. I knew, however, that it would be completely wrong on both of us if that happened. 

A small whimper slipped passed my lips when I felt Joe’s fingers under my chin, forcing me to look in his eyes. He sucked in a large breath when I wrapped my arms around his neck, wanting to feel his body against mine. 

“Y/N,” Joe’s breath was warm against my neck. 

“Please, Joe. I can’t wait any longer.” I dug my finger into his lower back. 

“SURPRISE!” 

Pushing away from one another, we both looked to the entrance of the plane as Sophie walked into view. By the smile on her face, we knew that she hadn’t caught us. My heart rate had tripled and was slowly getting back to normal as Joe stood, walking over to his wife. 

“What are you doing here?” 

There was an unreadable tone in his voice. 

“I thought I would surprise you. I got the next few days off so I thought we could spend time  together while you were on the road!” 

It was how happy she was I realized that she hadn’t seen me yet, Joe’s body blocking me from her line of sight. Biting my lip, I tried to avoid my gaze moving any lower than his back. 

“Yeah, of course. Uh, why don’t you set your bags in the back room. Nick and Kev may be back there,” Joe nodded behind Sophie. 

“Perfect! I’ll go say hello,” Sophie smiled. 

She peered over his shoulder, her eyes finally landing on me. I had brought my legs closer to my chest, trying to hold my emotions in. She had nearly caught Joe and I, and now she was going to be on the road with us for the next few days. 

“Y/N! How are you? It’s been awhile!” 

I could tell in the way that she smiled that she was not happy I was here. 

“Yeah, I know. Don’t worry, I’m only riding with them tonight. I just needed a way to the next city,” I nodded, trying to reassure her. 

“Oh, that’s too bad. Well, we should get some rest, love. You’re looking exhausted.” Sophie ran her fingers through his hair. 

“Can you give me a minute? Y/N just needs me to look over some pictures before she posts them.” 

I marveled at how easy Joe had just lied to his wife. 

Sophie opened her mouth to protest, so I cleared my throat. “It’s fine. You guys should spend time together.” 

My lip quivered as I let out a shaky breath, one that didn’t go unnoticed by Joe. 

“No it’s fine. I’ll be waiting, love,” Sophie smiled. 

My heart shattered as I watched her pull Joe into a very heated kiss. Her hands pulled at the ends of his hair, deepening it. Joe’s hands wrapped around her lower back to pull her body more close to his, obviously needing to feel any type of friction. 

Their kiss went on for a few more moments before Joe pulled away, his eyes watching her closely as she disappeared towards the back of the jet. 

“Y/N, I had no clue she was going to show up,” he defended. 

Shaking my head, I kept my gaze trained to the ground. 

“She’s your wife. You need to be with her; not me.” I muttered, mostly to myself. 

“I know I should but I can’t help it that I want to be with you too.” 

Finally allowing myself to look into his eyes, they looked broken just like my own, I gave him a small shrug. 

“It’s not going to work between us, Joe. You’re married! I won’t allow myself to get in between you two again. As long as you’re with her, there will never be an us. If it’s harsh, I’m sorry but I won’t let myself get my hopes up for us when clearly it will always be Sophie,” I insisted. 

“So I’m just supposed to pretend that never happened?!” Joe pointed to where I was sitting. 

“You know for a fucking fact that wasn’t supposed to happen!,” I snapped, “I let myself get lost in lust. It won’t happen again.” 

Joe’s eyes sliced into mine, a scoff leaving his lips. “Fine, if that’s what you want.” 

“It’s not what I want!” I yelled standing to my feet. “I don’t want to be this pathetic little girl that sits around and waits for a man but I’d be lying if I said I won’t wait for you; you’re perfect Joe. I can’t help but fall more and more in love with you every night I watch you on stage, performing your heart out. The heart I wish had my own!” 

Rage boiled in my blood as I continued to stand there, staring at Joe. He knew how I felt about him, hell everyone knew at this point. I only thought that if I kept it bottled in that the feelings would slowly dissipate by seeing how happy he was with Sophie. But what I didn't expect was Joe feeling the same. Yes, he hadn't came out and said the exact words I love you, Y/N but his actions proved otherwise. 

Or maybe he was horny. 

Shaking the thought from my head, I continued to stand my ground against Joe. 

“As long as you're with Sophie, there will never be an us,” I repeated. 

Joe, who clearly looked like he had given up, nodded before giving me a broken smile, walking in the back of the jet. 

My body shook with sobs as I collapsed on the couch, the reality of what I had said finally setting in. I told Joe we were done and meant every word so why was I wanting to chase after him and say I was lying; that I would be fine waiting for him. 

How had I become so low of a person? Getting in the way of a marriage? Allowing myself to fall in love with someone who never was available to begin with? 

“Everything alright?” Nick asked as him and Kevin appeared, almost out of nowhere. 

Hasty wiping away my tears, I nodded while avoiding their gaze. 

“Yeah,” I choked out. 

We all sat in silence, Kevin and Nick clearly understanding everything was not alright but deciding not to press. They played quiet chords on their guitars while I clicked over and over on my computer as I edited pictures I had taken during my break. But no matter how much noise we had made, it did nothing to drown out the moans coming from the room in the back. 

Three. 

There were only three more shows left on tour. 

Everyone was relishing in the bittersweet memories. We all were happy to go back home to our regular day to day lives but we all were going to miss everything about this tour. 

After the show last night, I was more than ready to get away from Joe. We still hadn’t said a word about what happened on the jet and the sexual tension was thick. During last night's show, they played Trust and I couldn’t stop the burning gaze coming from Joe no matter how hard I ignored it. 

My heels clicked along the long abandoned hallway of the arena as I looked around for the brothers. I wanted to get some solo shots of them on the final days of the tour. A smile played at my lips as I found them leaning against a wall, deep in their own personal conversation. They hadn’t seen me yet so I snapped a few pictures of them. I was about to leave them but Kevin’s question stopped me in my tracks. 

“When are you going to tell her?” 

I leaned closer against the wall and strained my ears to hear better. 

“I think I should do it before the tour ends,” Joe shrugged. 

“Are you sure that this is what you want? Nick questioned. 

Joe nodded without an ounce of hesitation. “She’s the one I’ve always wanted. I hate that it took a broken relationship to realize that but in the end I have to stop thinking about how others will feel; I need to put my feelings first.” 

Kevin wrapped his hand around Joe’s shoulder, giving it a squeeze. “Just know that we support your decision. Your heart will hurt for losing someone you’ve cared about for awhile now but she’s going to help you heal.” 

“I’ve always loved her. It’s always going to be her.”

“How do you think Sophie will take it?” 

Joe looked at Nick. “She’ll be thankful. Eventually we’ll be able to move past everything and be happy.” 

White clouded my vision, body going limp against the wall, as I replayed the entire conversation in my head again. 

He chose Sophie. He was always going to choose her. I was a fucking idiot to think that it would ever be me. It was pathetic, really. To think that we could ever have a perfect, suburban life together with three kids, a dog or two, and a damn white picket fence. 

My bottom lip trembled as I sucked it between my teeth, a broken sob escaping; a little too loudly. 

“Y/N?” 

Teary eyes locked with Joe’s, who was just as surprised as his brothers were that I had been standing there. The look Joe was giving me was the type of look that made you want to break down and cry. Not a normal cry; no, it was those types of cries that made you want to fall to your knees in pain, tears falling fast from your eyes. 

“How-how long have you been standing there?” Joe stuttered. 

“I’ve got to go,” I drank in the saltiness of my tears, slowly backing away. 

“Wait, Y/N. Please.” Joe begged, reaching for my hand. 

Snatching away from his fingers, I shook my head. “I didn’t hear anything. I was never here.” 

His pleas fell on deaf ears as I stumbled over my feet to get away from them. The pain was unbearable, shaking me to the bones, and I would have given anything in my life to never see Joe Jonas ever again. 

“Man, I can’t believe that this is our LAST show tonight. We cannot thank each and every one of you guys enough. You have been with us from the start, through our ups and downs, and we can never repay you for the love and support you have given us.” 

My eyes watched with a smile as Kevin talked to the crowd, quietly tuning his guitar. It was the very last show of the tour tonight and the brothers had given it their absolute all. They had only a few songs left, Burning Up and Sucker, but there were rumors that Joe has something else planned. 

Oh, Joe. 

I hadn’t seen any of the brothers the last couple of days, opting to stay farther back when taking pictures. I was too embarrassed to face them and see them after they caught me listening to their conversation. I traveled alone, driving from city to city, so I was beyond exhausted. With the last show, however, I didn’t want to miss a thing. So here I was, standing at the bottom of the stage, the brothers a few feet in front of me, snapping away with my camera. All feelings aside, I was determined to get the best pictures tonight. 

“You know,” Joe spoke up next, his voice causing my body to tingle all over, “One of our team members also has a birthday tonight.” 

My palms began to sweat, knowing what Joe was about to say next. 

“Have you guys seen our pictures from every show on our Instagram?” Nick yelled into the microphone. 

The crowd screamed and cheered, the profoundness beaming through my smile. 

“All of those pictures were taken by our very good friend, Y/N L/N,” Kevin pointed down towards me. “C’mon Y/N, give a small wave!” 

“I hate you!” I screamed, smile clear on my face. 

“It’s her birthday tonight and she has spent every single night watching us perform and capturing those moments that we all cherish the rest of our lives. So, please join us in signing a very happy birthday!” Nick boomed! 

Red flushed my cheeks as the boys and the crowd all sang happy birthday and I tried to shrink in size. I absolutely hated being in the spotlight but the rather large gesture from my best friends brought a warm smile to my face. 

As the song faded out, the brothers lead right into their last two songs. I snapped away with my camera, getting lost in the moment that I hadn’t realized that Joe was kneeling at the edge of the stage just a few inches in front of me. 

“I’m a sucker for you,” Joe’s voice sang through the arena. 

Our eyes locked and he placed his hand in front of me, palm facing the ceiling. Confusion filled my eyes as I looked from his hand to his face. 

“Your camera,” he mouthed. 

Licking my lips, I hesitated for a split second before I placed my camera in his hands. 

Setting his microphone to the side, the camera lens now faced me and I could see Joe’s small smile on the other end of it. 

“Smile,” he cheered. 

“What are you doing?”

No matter how upset or sad I was about the situation between us, I still found myself smiling at the way his eyes danced under the stage lights as they raked over my face, taking in my appearance. 

I was mesmerized by the way Joe was drinking me in that I hadn’t realized he already snapped a few pictures of me and was handing my camera back, completely unaware he had slipped the small memory card into his pocket. 

“Y/N, we need you for this picture!” 

Zipping up my camera bag, I looked to my left smiling at Kevin. 

“Let me just get my camera!” I called back. 

“No, we need you in the picture!” Nick chimed in. 

I looked at the whole family of the Jonas’ feeling out of place. It was just a mere few minutes after the show had ended, all of us on a high and we were dragging our feet because we didn’t want the night to end. 

I hesitated only because I was afraid of being too close to Joe. 

“I don’t want to impose,” I spoke. 

“Get your ass over here,” Kevin demanded while grabbing my hand, pulling me towards the group.

While the family finished their pictures, Nick waved me over as I stood next to him while everyone in the band/crew piled in for a group pictures. 

“How about one of us three and Y/?” Kevin suggested. 

Him and nick stood next to each other while Joe looked into my eyes, nodding to the space next to him. 

Gnawing on my lip, I slid next to him and gently laid my hand on his back. As we waited for the boys mom to fix her camera, Joe’s fingers wrapped around my waist, pulling me closer into him. 

Tingles spread through my body when I felt the heat radiate off his body onto mine. I couldn’t ignore how good it felt being wrapped into his arms, a sense of safety engulfing me. 

“Say cheese!” Momma Jonas smiled while taking a few pictures of us four. 

After suggesting that I get a picture with each of the boys, I smiled brightly during my pictures when Kevin and Nick. 

“My turn,” Joe mused. 

With my bottom lip in between my teeth, I walked back into Joe’s arm, his left slinking around my waist once more. His fingers had slipped underneath my shirt and even that slight touch of skin on skin was enough to have visions of us in bed together playing in my mind. 

“Oh shoot, my phone died.” 

Joe fished his phone out of his pocket, handing it to his mom. 

“Use mine.” 

As we waited for his mom to take the picture, Joe looked down at me and I was sure that my heart soared into my throat at the look he was giving me. Leaning closer to my ear, I felt his breath against against my neck. 

“Come by my room tonight?” 

“Are you sure?” I stammered. 

He nodded, moving a strand of hair behind my ear. “Yeah. I have to give you your birthday present.” 

Joe’s voice was hoarse with lust and the pressure I felt from down below was enough to make a small moan leave my lips. 

My knuckles tapped against the wooden door in front of me and I waited in the silent hallway for the door to open. 

I had arrived to Joe’s hotel room way later than I had originally told him so I was afraid that he had fallen asleep. 

The door is unlocked. 

After reading the new text message from Joe, I quietly entered his room, my voice coming out hushed. 

“Joe?”

A small gasp erupted from my throat when I took in the scene in front of me; lit candles were littered around the room, a bottle of wine in a bucket of ice with a small chocolate cake on the counter in the makeshift kitchen, and a black box with a large white bow sat safely on the bed. There was a soft tune playing in throughout the room that I smiled fondly at. 

Love Her by The Jonas Brothers

My name was scribbled on a small envelope that I immediately recognized as Joe’s handwriting. 

Y/N

I know I’ve been a real shitty friend to you these past few months but I had been dealing with a lot of personal things in my life that made me push you away. You didn’t deserve that and I’m so sorry. 

But that rough path I had been on led me to you. I will never forgive myself for breaking your heart but if you trust me, I will never break it again. 

You saved me, Y/N. Now it’s my turn to save you. 

Happy Birthday. 

xx

Joe

Wiping away the tears, I paced the card on the bed and gently began pulling away the bow on the box. 

Inside was a thick, black book and a large yellow envelope that read ‘read last.’ 

I set the envelope next to the card and started flipping through the book, choking out a small laugh. 

Inside the folder were pages upon pages of all of my favorite pictures I had taken; before the Jonas Brothers and during. I laughed at all of the goofy memories I captured of the brothers but when I reached the last couple pages to the book, my heart doubled in size. They were pictures of me, ones that I had never seen. 

Joe trying to teach me to play the guitar, which failed miserably, but we both had the time of our lives. 

My head against Joe’s shoulder, fast asleep, while we were traveling to the next city on the jet. His eyes were glued to his phone but the look on his face, the way his lips pulled up into a smile said everything words couldn’t. 

Me setting up my camera equipment before one of the shows, the light emanating from the stage casting an aura of light around me, almost as if I was an angel sent from above. 

And the last couple pages were pictures from tonight; Joe stealing my camera, all of the group ones after the show, and the last picture is what broke down the last hesitant wall I had up. It was of Joe and I, his mouth brushing against my forehead while his hand was wrapped protectively around me. If the picture could talk it would say that it almost looked as if Joe was afraid that I would disappear in front of him. 

A door clicked behind me and through teary eyes, I watched as Joe emerged from the bathroom, wearing nothing but black sweat pants that hung dangerously low on his hips. Suddenly, the tears had vanished and I groaned to myself as I took in each and every line of his abs. 

“Happy Birthday.” 

Snapping out of my naughty thoughts, I grinned over to Joe. “Thank you. I don’t deserve any of this.” 

He shook his head while sitting on the other edge of the bed, giving us a reasonable amount of space. 

“You deserve all of this and more,” Joe admitted. 

Nodding, I placed the folder against my chest, holding it close. “I will cherish this for the rest of my life. Joe, I cannot thank you enough for this.” 

“I told you; anything for you.” Joe’s hand rested on my thigh, giving it a slight squeeze. 

Smiling at the feeling, it was then that I noticed the faint tan line on his finger. 

“Your ring?,” I gawked at him. 

I was lost in the romantic gesture of all of this that I had forgotten the most important part of all of this; Sophie. 

A tiny smile pulled at Joe’s lips and he simply nodded to the yellow envelope. 

Following his silent request, my shaky fingers pulled out a stack of papers. Dread filled me, the last thing I wanted was to read a giant packet of whatever this was, but it was the two bold words at the top that caught my attention.

“Divorce papers?” I muttered. “Who’s getting a divorce?” 

Joe laughed and told me to go to the last page. 

My eyes scanned the two signatures over and over again, burning it into the back of my brain. 

“You and Sophie?” I asked. 

“It’s been finalized for a few weeks now. We’ve been separated for months before this,” Joe admitted. 

“Wait, so what happened between us on the jet?” I pondered, mostly to myself. 

Joe answered my question with a simple nod. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“I think at the time, I still wanted to make it work between us but I couldn’t stop thinking about you. You were always on my mind, 24 hours a day, seven days a week. It wasn’t fair to Sophie, or you, that my heart wasn’t completely with either of you,” Joe has scooted closer to me, our knees brushing against each other. 

“I wish my feelings were more clear in the beginning; before I got married. You’ve always been the one I wanted, I knew that, I was just afraid to let Sophie go. I was afraid of what people would think. What they would call me, or you,” Joe continued. 

“But when I saw you with Chris, I wanted to be in his place. I wanted to be the one by your side. I wanted to be the one you called when you had a bad day. I wanted to be the one you shared your bed with.” 

“Joe,” I breathed, “I’m sorry. I thought that’s what I needed at the time to get over my feelings for you. But it only made me realize that no matter who I date, they would never compare to you.” 

Joe raised his hand hesitantly before he cupped my cheek and I whimpered at the warmth. His thumb brushed my cheek and my hands gripped his arm, afraid to let go. Our eyes locked and Joe’s tongue brushed over his lower lip causing me to nearly jump into his lap. 

“I want this if you do,” he breathed against my lips. 

“More than anything,” I begged. 

“I love you, Y/N. I’m sorry that it took me so long to realize it but I promise I will live the rest of my days showing you how much I love you,” Joe proclaimed. 

Not wanting to wait any longer, I finally closed the distance between us by softly pressing my lips against his. They felt full and plump against my own as I wrapped my arms around his neck, him pulling me with ease into his lap. 

I never wanted to believe those stories I read as a little girl about kissing someone you love for the first time. I always thought the fireworks and the heat were all lies but now, feeling Joe’s lips move in sync with mine, I felt every last firework deep in my bones and in between my legs. My vision went white when I felt him slip his tongue past my lips, gliding against my own. 

“I love you too, Joe.” I mumbled into his lips.

“Did you want some cake or wine?” Joe questioned in between kisses. 

“Later,” I groaned, pressing my hips into his.

The cake and wine were the last thing on our minds as Joe’s fingers snaked up my back, gliding my shirt off with ease and tossing it on the other end of his hotel room.

[addytheheartbreaker]

Yandere! Joen x Addy x Overprotective! Nicol (part 1)

Joen's pov

Oh god....

Why is this happen right now?

After weeks or months? Of not hearing my doll friend after she had rescued me again at the old yet improved asylum since July. While taking a break from work at the amusement park, I've been living alone at the Masked Singer mansion after the others left with some business or vacation going on. Hearing the phone called my Nicol, my rival buddy that it is an emergency that Addy needs me.

After hours, she had stop her mental breakdown, I went there to cheer her up and comfort her as she sleep with my strong rabbit arms. Seeing her porcelain doll right wrist bandaged broke me. Why did she do that for?

I remember according to Linette since she had last interviewed with Addy about her experience of life and her mental health issues, Nicol explaining the rest that she had kept a secret with and a box containing folders with descriptions of Addy's years with her gang called Dugsalan gang or rather Guilty Blood gang (yeah, I'll pick that name instead) of her 6 or 9 years of criminality somewhere at the unknown. Too many information to understand that took weeks explained by her. Unicorn explained that Doll condition has gotten worse then ever and the sight of her wrist that she had harmed was unreasonable.

It unforgiving! Why didn't Dog stop her or noticing her dark presence hunting her as she slowly breaks? He said that he will help her feel better and give her experience that she felt missing in her life. What about his method of protecting her? Isn't he a doberman dog that actually always sticking around its owner? This is so wrong for leaving her until now.

While its been like hours holding Addy as if she is my most precious treasure I had in my childhood, my heart felt warm when I was around her. Addy is a kind and adorable ball jointed doll who is broken for a long time ago. A child stuck in a teenage doll body, you have no idea that she is just like me. I am not ready to face society and reality after I had escape and my bros separate each other. Lost as s child who lost his innocence by the hands of that.... Mad man that ruined me whole until SHE came to my life. A doll girl at my dreams, meeting her again and again to escape the cruel world that I feared the most, she is my guardian angel who saved me and my brothers from that place.

And now. We had finally reunited for 6 years. I started to feel butterflies filling my stomach and my heart beats fast and warm inside. I realized I fell in loved with Addy.

Its wrong because she hated someone who had a 'crush' with her and the word 'crush' is a bad word. She is alright with someone who had a crush on someone else, but someone who had a crush on her. Oh she will get mad and coldly do anything to ignore and reject them coldly. According to Doll, she considered 'crush' a cruel joke or a foolish fake that leaves her cold. She had experience it before.

So, I have to wait to confessed my love to her. I've been started feeling fuzzy thinking about her and her childish adorableness when we were at my amusement park with my brothers showing around the place. Father would be so proud of me running this place going. Upon learning deeply the more I learned about Doll, she is serious, calculated, creative and full on discipline. I once saw the Dog brothers apologizing Addy for a certain mistake or their misbehavior as she demand and confidently discipline them with her serious yet sexy tone of her voice.

I like a girl who is kind and shy at the outside but serious and confident on the inside. She is just like me, friendly and fun on the inside but insane and mischief on the inside.

Were perfect to each other, huh. I like to imagine us as a couple. But the more I am with her side won't last at all. I wish to be at her side always.... But....

Nicol the Doberman Dog

He has always been her side this whole time. I had aware of his jealously from me. A famous, healthy and clean family despite we were messed up but been healing ourselves slowly by age. And now, I have finally have my own jealously to Dog. He has always been and known Doll longer than me. I knew just shortly for 8 months but Nicol knew Addy when she was 13 and already knew what she is before she currently was today.

So unfair!

It supposed to be ME to know her the most. I am better than that useless mutt to take care and protect this broken doll. He was just selfish to keep her at his filthy dog hands, Nicol seems alright sharing her but he won't let her go freely.

Back on March, before I finally meet her in person at the Dog mansion. I remember Dog told me about her situation that the doll needed to get better at. And that he proposed me to be her entertainer to cheer her and show her the happiest things she never get to experiencing it in her life. What's worst?

He told me he had proposed Addy to be his owner. A PROPOSAL FOR OWNERSHIP?!

OH HELL NO! THAT IS UNBELIEVABLE!!!!

Now the thought of ownership reminds me when I was before with my hated cousin! He had owned and controlled me for just a simple proposal to become a famous celebrity? That is not what I wanted! I feared that Doll might ended up badly with Dog around like I ended up with Harlequin Rabbit.

Not in a billion fucking years happening!

A sudden realization that brings me the memory way back before my brothers force separation.

After the escape of the asylum. While we were cleaning up and changed our looks to look way better like we used to before, I found on my dad's office bookshelf a book about the legacy of the Roger family's inheritance and traditions. While me and brothers reading, we found out about dad's secret contains a letter written by him about this when the time is right.

Now I understand why I feel this why. I think Addy is the right girl to loved with.

A Shy girl who is kind and gentle to soothes children, creative that might give more popularity of the legacy, beautiful just like mom, discipline and responsible that would be perfect as a mother figure, childish to represent children her childhood experience at old times, smart and analytic in small details and aware of, strong and serious of the situation if anything happen. Everything!

Addy is perfect in every angle she was. What's more then ever, that her parents from Philippines are popular to musicians. Now that is what father mean't to love mother at the first place. I had inherited his gene along with my brothers.

Now... I need to find a way to get her for myself and confessed my feeling without that doberman dog get off from her side. Dog has been staying at Doll's side like a good boy he was for too long. However....

The peace contract... After Rivalry era....

I can't just break the contract to fight him. Yes, we did fight each other more way back since Rivalry era and this year we still fought for getting Addy's attention like we used to. But now, I think it is time to stop play fighting attention to fight for her heart. Nicol is not going to own her in his dog mansion 'box' living there. I'll do better than that!

Looking down to my sweet little guardian angel's peaceful face. I bite my bottom lip with my heart throbbing on the sight of her lips. As a sweet tooth herself, I do wonder how sweet she taste like. Mostly chocolate, her favorite of course or even more sweeter if I finally get to explore more~

The stuffed white bunny is even obvious that she loved me. I am more than loved the sight I one day wanted to see to this lovely Doll. Kissing her forehead softly at her sleep before leaving her alone at her comfortable, elegant Filipino style matress to sleep alone as I left the room.

Now all you need to do is find a plan and plot to get rid of Nicol. I think I know just a plan to do it. This would be fun heheheh.

[halfabreath]

Always Halfway to Go, Part III

Part I. Part II. The Tag. Read it on Ao3. 

Ever since Bitty moved in Sunday afternoons in the Haus have been sacred. Guaranteed brunch is the ultimate means of Haus bonding and Ransom knows that no matter how stressed out he is about his upcoming anatomy test that he still has to go downstairs and show his face. He’d hoped that getting up early to look at his study guide would help relax him enough to eat without guilt but it had only set him off instead.

Ransom’s just extracted himself from under his bed, where he’s been hiding for the past hour, and is halfway down the steps when he hears the commotion at the front door.

“Oh, good morning! Come in!” Bitty’s words carry through the Haus easily, bright and friendly.

“I really shouldn’t, Bittle.” Ransom stumbles on the steps when he recognizes Adam’s deep voice. He grabs onto the railing to steady himself, taking a moment to prepare. Adam is here, in the Haus.

“Do you have somewhere to be?” Bitty presses, using the no-nonsense tone he employs with the team.

“No, but I - “ Adam tries to protest, falling directly into Bitty’s trap.

“Then come in! I’d be remiss in my Southern Hospitality if I ever let someone turn down food.” Despite the buoyancy in Bitty’s voice there’s still no room for argument. When Ransom continues down the steps the scene comes into view: Bitty has the door thrown open and Adam is on the other side, shoulders curled in with his hands tucked in his pockets. Bitty might be a half foot shorter than Adam is but Ransom can tell he’s going to win this battle. As unprepared as Ransom had been to see Adam, he can’t leave him there looking so blatantly uncomfortable.

Ransom jumps the final few steps and lands right beside Bitty, clapping a hand on his shoulder. “Bitty, I don’t wanna freak you out but I think I smell something burning.” He says, and Bitty bolts towards the kitchen with a worried yelp. Adam’s shoulders come down from around his ears. “You really should come in. It’s not going to be weird, I promise.” Ransom says before Adam can run back to his car.

“I don’t know, I’d have felt so weird if a random coach-like figure dropped in on one of my team breakfasts.” Adam frowns and crosses his arms, fingers tapping nervously along his bicep. Ransom can’t help but track the movement, and if his eyes linger on the shifting muscles, well. He’s only human, and it’s a nice bicep.

“Yeah, that would be strange, but you’re not a random guy. Besides, you dropped in on Hazeapalooza and it was fun, right?” Ransom says. He shifts his weight, moving to the side so he’s not blocking the threshold.

Adam worries his bottom lip with his teeth. It’s cute, even though he’s bigger, broader, and more bearded than Ransom will ever be. “Yeah, I’m just - “

Ransom cuts him off. “Seriously, bro, if you don’t come eat with us they’ll be disappointed.” It’s true - Adam’s almost a mythic figure, an actual professional hockey player who’s suddenly dropped into their lives. Ransom thinks they don’t know the half of it. "Besides,��� he continues, waving Adam in. “Brunch is like, the least formal and most chill meal. Plus, Bitty made cinnamon rolls.”

“Fine, but only because I have to drop off tape.” Adam sounds resigned at best but Ransom knows he’ll feel more comfortable after he sees how much they all like having him around.

When Ransom and Holster step into the kitchen they’re greeted with a chorus of good mornings and one goddamn, look at these beauts. Ransom pushes Holster towards the seat next to Lardo and drops into the one right next to him. Separate conversations crop up as Jack asks him about his test schedule and he hears Lardo quietly talking to Holster about his weekend on his other side. Bitty and Shitty are engaged in a contest to see who can create the most aesthetically pleasing frosting pattern over their cinnamon roll.

It’s a gentle chaos. They talk with their mouths full and spill their coffee but soon everyone’s leaning back in their chairs, filled with dough, sugar, and spices.

Ransom’s just taken a picture of Bitty’s perfect cinnamon roll, because he always wins the food styling contests, and he’s adjusting the filter levels when Jack pipes up beside him. “Which, uh, thing are you putting that on? Instergram? Or is that the one hundred word limit thing?” Jack asks, mouth set in a confused frown. Shitty rolls his eyes fondly and Lardo smiles down at her coffee, but Adam and Bitty both look over at Jack in shock. Bitty begins a long, rambling tangent about the virtues of Twitter when a deeper voice cuts through.

“You don’t know what Instagram is?” Adam asks in horrified amazement. The team groans, having already been down this path a thousand times. “Jack, Betty White has an Instagram.”

Jack blinks. “Who’s that? Does she go here?” He turns to Ransom, which makes sense given that he’s the one charged with reminding Jack of who he knows and doesn’t know. Ransom, though, is distracted by the series of blink and you miss it expressions flittering over Adam’s face. There’s the shock, of course, then the wonderment that comes when he’s forced to contemplate just how much pop culture Jack doesn’t know, then Adam even looks angry for a hot second. He opens his mouth and closes it several times, trying to make sense of the situation he’s found himself in. Ransom pats him on the back; they’ve all been there.

“I need to sit down.” Holster finally says.

“You’re already sitting.” Jack helpfully points out in his cat-got-the-cream chirping voice. Holster levels him with a flat look, one Ransom’s seen him shoot at reporters asking stupid questions during post-game interviews.

“I need to sit again, Zimmermann.” Holster snaps, but there’s a lightness to it. It’s a nuanced annoyance, with a little bit of fondness and a whole lot of snark. Ransom loves it. Shitty cuts in with an anecdote about how Jack thought Kim Kardashian was one of the cheerleaders their freshman year. Ransom watches Holster’s expressions shift in bursts of disbelief and laughter. He’s one of them now.

“I’m fucked, I’m fucked, I’m so fucking fucked!”

The cry is slightly muffled by the thin walls of the Haus, but Adam can still make out every desperate syllable from his spot at the kitchen table. He and Jack have been going over tape for the last hour, occasionally debating drills and conditioning exercises but Justin’s cry has him staring up at the ceiling in concern. Jack, though, still has his eyes trained on the screen of his laptop, and Adam knows he’s not the most personable guy but he hadn’t expected him to be that cold. Jack’s nonchalance is the only reason Adam hasn’t bolted out of his chair and scrambled up the stairs, bad knee be damned.

“Are you gonna?” He asks, nodding his head in the general direction of the stairs. They’re the only ones in the house besides Justin and whatever’s going on sounds like it’s serious.

Jack just shakes his head, finally tearing his eyes away from the footage of Bitty’s assist at their last home game. “No, he doesn’t like anyone to see him when he studies. I tried, during his freshman year, but having someone there makes him more anxious.”

“I’m not freaked out, I’m anxious, I have anxiety.”

Justin’s words from their discussion after the first practice of the preseason ring in Adam’s ears and while he believes that Jack knows best, leaving Justin alone doesn’t sit well with him as they keep talking. He’s distracted, constantly glancing back and forth between the doorway and the screen until Jack closes his laptop with a sigh.

“Class,” he explains succinctly, giving Adam a quick farewell nod, and then he’s out the door. Adam’s alone in the Haus and he can’t help himself from going to check on his…what word should he use? They’ve decided to be friends when no one’s around, and as Adam walks through the Haus it’s painfully clear they’re alone. He takes his time on the steps, following through on the motions like his physical therapist told him to, and to his surprise he’s able to clear the first floor with no pain at all. He knocks on the attic door, a warning, before opening it slowly. He knows it’s probably creepy, hearing the door creak open and then uneven footsteps slowly coming up the stairs, but he can’t rush this.

When he arrives at the top of the steps he thinks that Justin has left. There’s no sign of him but his backpack is on the bed and there are books strewn across the floor, and just when Adam’s about to go back downstairs he catches a flash of movement from under the desk. He rounds the corner and sure enough, all six feet and two inches of Justin’s muscular frame is curled up under his desk. His flexibility is impressive but frankly worrying because that can’t be comfortable for him, and he’s not moving at all besides the shivers that jolt through his body intermittently. Holster gently raps his knuckles on the top of the desk, like he’s knocking on a door, and Justin doesn’t acknowledge him at all.

Adam has no fucking clue what to do. Justin clearly doesn’t want to be touched or bothered, but Adam can’t leave him here alone. Slowly, carefully, he eases himself down until he’s sitting across from Justin.

“Hey, uh, there isn’t enough room in the living room to do my stretches, so I’m just going to do them here if that’s all right?” Justin doesn’t speak but his eyes flicker over and Adam takes that as a good sign. He slowly works through all of his floor stretches, trying to take up as much time as possible. His excuse is flimsy, but every time he glances under the desk Justin’s shoulders seems a little less tense, and by the time Adam has finished he’s spread out as much as he can in the tiny space.

“You should do the figure four stretch.” Justin says suddenly. His voice is tight and strained but at least he’s speaking. Adam nods and moves into the familiar position. It looks strange and it feels less than comfortable but when he relaxes back and sits normally he actually feels pretty good.

“Thanks, man.” Adam stretches his legs out in front of him, carefully reaching forward to touch his toes now that his quads are loose.

Justin rolls out from under the desk and lays down, spreading out for the first time in God knows how long. Adam hesitates for a moment, then lays down next to him, staring up at the wooden ceiling.  

“I have an anatomy test tomorrow. I’m…Not great with tests.” Justin says, voice hoarse. When Adam looks over his brows are knitted together, his full lips pulled down in a pained frown. His muscles must be aching from the stretch after being so tense.

Adam bites his lip, then fills the silence. “I, uh. I heard you yelling.” He admits, eyes tracing over Justin’s pinched profile.

Justin doesn’t seem surprised. “What did I say?” He asks softly, resigned.

“You just said you were fucked? Like a lot?” Adam winces, hating how his voice rises in an unsure question. The last time he’d seen Justin so stressed he’d instinctively known what to do, what to say. Now, though, with their strange history and weight of the pull he feels towards the other man, he’s not sure how to help.

Justin sighs, covering his face with his hands. “Yeah, that sounds like me.” He sounds embarrassed and exhausted. Adam moves over in small, minuscule stages, shifting until their arms are pressed together. Justin’s hands fall to his sides, and Adam has to fight the urge to lace their fingers together. Justin’s quiet for a long moment before he speaks again. “It’s hard to find a place to study. I don’t like to be by myself because, well.” Justin waves his hand in the vague direction of the desk. “But I don’t like to be in public because,” he waves at the desk again. “The library’s too quiet, the kitchen’s too distracting - plus I’ll get fat from all the pie I’ll eat - and I can’t go to a coffee shop if I’m going to yell about getting fucked.”

“Come study at my place.” The words are out of his mouth before his better judgement can kick in. Justin’s looking over at him in surprise, which yeah, makes sense given how strict he’s been, but he can’t bear the thought of Justin spending another minute alone under his tiny desk. “I mean it.”

“I don’t know -”

“it’s perfect. You won’t be by yourself but you won’t be in public, my neighbors are loud as fuck so there’s always background noise, I won’t distract you because I’ll be studying too and I can’t cook for shit so there’s not going to be anything to eat, anyway.” Adam explains, addressing each of Justin’s concerns one by one. The solution is so clear to him now.

“What about the yelling? Won’t it weird your neighbors out?” Justin asks, sitting up. Adam sits up, too, turning to face  him. His leg is still stuck out awkwardly to the side and Justin’s curled up on his knees, but he looks thoughtful instead of terrified, and Adam can see that he’s almost convinced him.

“They hear weirder shit when I binge watch The Real Housewives.” Adam shrugs, nonchalant. It’s not a lie or an exaggeration of any kind. Those ladies are in some shit.

“What about…” Justin vaguely gestures between them. It’s astonishing how the slightest flick of his wrist can encapsulate all that’s been left unsaid.

Adam shrugs, about to mumble an excuse about how coaches are supposed to help student athletes thrive before deciding against it. This isn’t for Oluransi, #11, the core of his defensive line. This is for Justin, his friend. It’s good for you to be close to them, Murray had said. “Offer stands. You have my number - just text when you need a place to study.” He heaves himself up and offers Justin a hand, waving it in his face until he takes it and pulls himself up. “Seriously, anytime.”

“Thanks.” Justin says, almost shy. Adam’s suddenly aware that they’re still holding hands, and he gently pulls his away. “So…” Justin continues, expression shifting into a sly grin. ��Like, how often do you watch The Real Housewives?”

Four days later Ransom finds himself tucked under the kitchen table at two thirty in the morning, eating a hot pocket he’d dug out from the very back of the freezer. Every once in awhile the ceiling creaks; Bitty’s still awake and if Ransom had any sense at all he’d go upstairs and sit on the clean floor of Bitty’s nice smelling room but instead he lingers beneath the table, sitting directly on the sticky patch that apparently was formed during a kegster Johnson’s sophomore year. He takes another bite of the hot pocket. It’s still cool in the middle but he eats it anyway, unable to loosen the grip he has on the table leg.

It’s a low point, that’s for damn sure, and midterms aren’t for another three weeks. He’s not going to make it to second semester if he keeps this up. Justin’s told himself that he needs to find a healthy way of dealing with his thing a million times, but now, tonight, with the top of his head pressed against the grimy bottom of the kitchen table and chilly marinara sauce coating his fingertips, Justin knows he has to make a change. Luckily, Adam’s already given him an opportunity, one he knows now he shouldn’t, should, no, shouldn’t, wait, should pass up. Justin sighs; it’s time to make a list.

He forces himself up to wash the sauce off his hands at the kitchen sink, wincing when his shorts stick to the linoleum floor. Justin immediately runs up to the attic to take them off. After he brushes the tomato aftertaste away and washes his face he curls up in bed with his phone and makes a new note. It’s painfully clear he has to do something, but is taking Adam up on his offer the right thing?

PROS:

I like him

He immediately cuts and copies it to the CONS column he creates below. He tries again.

PROS:

he knows how to help (citation: A- on anatomy test)

my GPA will thank me (i luv u bb)

no more screaming in the library (everyone wins)

I’ll survive fall semester (probably)

CONS:

I like him (fuck)

I’m not allowed to like him (double fuck)

this will make me like him more (triple combo fuck)

He stares down at his list, and the data speaks for itself. Four pros to three cons? The Pros have it. He closes the note and texts Adam.

Me: can i study at ur place 2morrow after practice

He winces when he sees the timestamp. Adam doesn’t reply before he falls asleep, but when he wakes up the next morning he finds a new message (and seventy seven Instagram notifications, but his outfit of the day yesterday was stellar and he regrets nothing).

Adam [Honey Pot Emoji][Arm Emoji][Sparkle Emoji]: Sure, meet me by my car after.

Hours later, freshly showered after a long practice, Justin finds himself loitering in the parking lot next to Adam’s car as he waits for the other man to emerge. He worries the strap of his backpack between his fingers, twisting the fabric into tight rolls only to release it and begin again.

“How’d you know which car is mine?” Asks a deep voice just behind his shoulder. When he turns Adam’s standing on the other side of the car, a small smile on his face. He looks so good when he smiles.

Justin shrugs, matching Adam’s expression. “Buffalo plates,” he explains, opening the passenger side door to climb in. Adam’s apartment isn’t far from campus, and they pull in front of his building in minutes. It’s a classic Samwell apartment building, one of the many renovated town homes dotted around campus.

Adam’s on the first floor, and within moments Justin’s in his space. There’s painted over crown molding and the original hardwood floors creak beneath his feet. It somehow seems cozy and sparse at the same time. There’s a soft looking couch with blankets and a sweatshirt thrown over the back but just behind it is a mostly empty bookshelf. He recognizes some of the books - they’re all by sitcom writers or SNL celebrities - and there’s pile of pucks haphazardly stacked on the top shelf. He can’t make out the writing scrawled along the white tape that’s wrapped around the edges but he instantly recognizes them as Adam’s game mementos. The desk on the opposite wall is completely devoid of clutter, as is the coffee table. Meanwhile, the kitchen counters are crowded from daily use - a box of teabags is still open on the counter next to an honest to God kettle and there are dishes in the sink. It’s not that Adam’s neat, Justin realizes. He just doesn’t have many possessions. Adam gives him a quick tour that ends with him clearing a stack of mail and some assorted cups from the kitchen table as Justin sinks into one of the chairs and pulls out his textbook.

When he finally finishes the problem set an hour and a half later, Adam’s nowhere to be found. The apartment is quiet but for the occasional creaking of Adam’s upstairs neighbors moving around and the soft music that’s wafting over from Adam’s open laptop, still positioned across from him. There’s an empty bottle of water by his elbow he doesn’t remember drinking, but when he swallows his throat isn’t as dry as it usually is after a study session. He throws it in the recycling bin and stands, wincing when the movement tugs on his sore muscles. Adam had put the defensemen through the ringer that afternoon, pushing them through drill after drill with no remorse. It had been a relief, actually, to focus on anything besides the stress of school. He’d managed to sweat out the last bit of tension clinging to his back and neck and by the time practice had finished he’d felt almost like he hadn’t cowered under a table for the better part of an hour the night before.

Justin wanders through the apartment, pausing to glance at the stack of pucks on the bookshelf. #4, 1ST NHL GOAL, DETROIT, one reads. Justin turns away, feeling like he’s intruding on some private part of Adam’s life even though he’s seen the goal footage before. He turns down the hall, searching for the bathroom. Adam had said it was at the end of the hall to the right? Left? He’d been on the cusp of Study Mode during the tour earlier and hadn’t been paying that much attention. Justin picks one of the doors and turns the knob, brow furrowing in confusion when he steps inside.

It’s not a bathroom, that’s for sure. It’s probably meant to be an office or second bedroom, but it’s clear that Adam’s just using it for storage. A piano peeks out from the darkest shadows at the back of the room. There are cardboard boxes and large plastic containers everywhere, a thin layer of dust covering them. Only one box is open, and Justin can see a pop of Schooners blue and green peeking through the brown flaps of the box.

It’s none of his business. Adam’s lived here four months and still hasn’t unpacked, but it’s none of his business. Justin slips back into the hall and tries the other door, relieved to find the bathroom on the other side. He doesn’t intentionally snoop, but he can’t help but notice the frankly ridiculous amount of tooth-care products Adam has - he’s got three different widths of floss and at least four brands of toothpaste.

The kettle, the piano, the floss. Justin’s gotten to know more about Adam in the past two hours than he had in years of post game interviews and he desperately wants to know more.

When Justin steps back into the hall he hears the sound of the front door opening and closing. Plastic bags rustle as the lock turns, and when he arrives back in the open living room Adam’s there with carryout.

“Hey, sorry, I didn’t think you’d mind if I left, especially since I brought food.” He explains sheepishly, holding up the plastic bags like an offering.

“Nah, it’s cool. I’m fucking starving because someone made me do a bag skate at practice today.” Ransom says with mock annoyance, already beginning to clear the table.

Adam laughs and Justin can’t help joining in. “Your coach sounds like a dick. Reminds me of my water aerobics instructor.” He chirps. Justin rolls his eyes. He’s not that bad. He just knows what Adam is capable of.

“Really?” Justin asks, raising an eyebrow. He’s smiling, though, so it probably isn’t as effective as it should be. Adam just nods and sets the bags on the table.

“Definitely. This guy doesn’t let me get away with anything.” He says, handing Justin a container of fried rice. They trade chirps as they eventually migrate to the couch with beer and their food, carefully positioned on opposite ends as they watch the second half of a basketball game. Justin lingers until the final buzzer sounds and he officially doesn’t have an excuse to stay any longer.

Justin slings his backpack over his shoulder and follows Adam to the door, taking one step outside before turning around.  He’s unsure of how to say goodbye. For the first time that evening Justin feels like he’s on a date. He wants to step back inside and kiss the taste of beer off Adam’s lips - it’s not a new feeling, certainly, but the past few hours hadn’t felt like a date. Studying, greasy takeout, and watching basketball is what friends do, but this, the way they’re looking at each other, the pull he feels towards Adam, this feels like a date.

“Keep your teammates out of trouble this weekend.” Adam’s leaning against the door frame, white t-shirt stretched over his broad chest.

“I always do.” Justin shoots back.

Adam laughs, rich and deep. “That’s a lie.”

“Yeah.” Justin shrugs, smiling ruefully. He adjusts the strap on his backpack that’s twisted around, tugging on it idly. Adam reaches out, slipping his fingers under the fabric to straighten it out for him.

“Get back safe, Ransom.” He says fondly. It’s the first time Holster’s used his nickname unprompted, when it’s just them. Ransom beams up at him, something warm and bright unfurling in his chest.

“I will, Holster.” Ransom says. He thinks back to his CONS list. This will make me like him more, he’d written. As he walks back to the Haus he adds it to the PROS column.

Justin straps on his gear with tight, explosive movements, tugging the synthetic material with far more force than necessary. He’s been in a foul mood all day, ever since Adam stood him up for their regular meeting before water aerobics. He’d been worried sick when Adam hadn’t shown up to class, so distracted that he’d almost ended the routine before the cool-down stretches in his haste to find his friend. He’d even run over to Adam’s apartment and knocked on the door, lingering until the lost possible moment before he had to rush back to campus for class. He’d arrived late anyway, and to top it all off he’d received a team-wide e-mail from Adam containing the week’s practice schedule. An e-mail’s not a bad thing, in and of itself, but if Adam had the time and resources to send an e-mail then he had the time and resources to text Justin and let him know he’s okay.

He slams his helmet on and makes his way to the rink, letting his stick clang against the equipment and detritus left in the halls by his teammates. Adam’s already on the ice, talking to Jack before practice begins, but Justin bursts onto the ice and does a few quick laps, trying to burn off his anger before he has to speak to Adam in front of his teammates. Everyone knows they get along - Ransom is slowly becoming RansomandHolster - but he won’t be able to explain why he’s so angry.

Luckily, Justin doesn’t have to speak to Adam until the second hour of practice when the lines have separated. He’s standing next to Adam, watching Nursey and Dex do drills with Ollie and Wicks when he breaks.

“You didn’t come this morning.” Justin says suddenly. It’s the first thing he’s said to Adam all day, and the words are tight and angry.

Adam doesn’t react. He stands still with his arms crossed in front of his chest, looking out over the team as they skate. “I know.” He finally says, but he doesn’t look away.

Justin squeezes his stick tightly. “I went to your apartment.” He turns and Adam finally glances over at him, a quick flicker of blue before he turns his gaze back on the other defensemen.

He takes a deep breath. Justin waits for him to speak, mouth set in a grim line. “I know.” Adam exhales, letting out the breath in a quick huff.

Something boils in Justin’s gut. It’s too vulnerable to be anger and burns too hot to be anxiety and he realizes it’s disappointment and hurt melted together in a sticky, bubbling mess. When he was knocking on Adam’s door, worried sick that he’d fallen in the shower, Adam had been inside waiting for him to leave. Adam had let him wait, Adam hadn’t let him in, and Adam doesn’t seem to care about either of those things. “Then why didn’t you let me in?” Justin whispers harshly, demanding an answer. They don’t have much time but Justin doesn’t know when they’ll speak again, since Adam’s apparently content with abandoning him.

A muscle in Adam’s jaw twitches; he must be grinding his teeth. Good. “I couldn’t.” He ducks his head, offering no explanation.

Justin scoffs. “But you could take the time to send us a redundant fucking e-mail? C’mon, Adam.”

“I’m sorry.” It’s the softest Adam’s voice has ever been, the syllables so timid and tumultuous Justin can barely hear the words over the din of practice. When he glances over Adam’s staring down at the ice and for the first time that morning Justin actually looks at him. His beard is longer, bushier, unkempt. There are bags big enough to carry equipment in under his eyes, and when he adjusts his baseball cap Justin can see that his hair is unwashed and greasy. I couldn’t. It’s obvious he’s not doing well, now that Justin is finally looking, and he doesn’t understand how everyone around them is doing practice as usual when Adam’s so clearly in pain. He doesn’t understand how he hadn’t seen it and he swallows down the guilt before swinging his stick to gently bump it against Adam’s shoe. The disappointment and hurt cool quickly, transforming into sharp worry.

“Next time, text me.” He says, giving Adam a small smile when he looks up in surprise. “Not just that you won’t be there, but so I can help. I’ll sit outside your door and study until you can let me in.” He���d through it would at least make Adam smile, but he simply nods, apparently resigned to more days just like this one.

I couldn’t.

The words stay with him after he skates away for drills and conditioning, as he showers and changes after practice, when he’s sitting in his Public Health class hours later. He racks his memory, trying to figure out exactly when Adam had taken a turn. Two weeks ago he’d had Justin in hysterics before class with his impersonation of Linda. On the bus during their last roadie he’d watched Adam’s shoulders shake as he laughed quietly at an episode of Parks and Rec. Before practice last week Adam had mentioned going into Boston and planned on seeing where an episode of 30 Rock had been filmed before his appointment with a specialist.

The realization jolts him awake, out of the daze his professors’ droning voice always sends him into. The appointment must not have gone well and now Adam’s depressed because of it. It makes total sense and now he knows exactly what to do. He opens Excel and creates a new workbook: Adam’s Recovery and Road to Eventual Happiness Masterplan.

He can already fill in some of the categories: Frog Kick Mobility, sitcoms re-watched, Aerobic Endurance, Stride on Ice Speed, but he knows he’ll have to ask Adam directly about everything else. He feels confident in his progress after class, and it’s pure luck that has him bumping into his friend in front of Founders later that afternoon.

“Hey!” His voice sounds weird, too cheery, but Adam doesn’t seem to notice. He barely even looks up, actually, his hat still pulled down over his eyes.

“Hey,” Adam echoes, sounding absolutely exhausted. He manages to give Justin a small smile, but it comes off as more of a half-grimace. Justin can’t ask him directly about how he is when he’s clearly doing so poorly.

Justin bumps their shoulders together gently, making sure he doesn’t actually hit Adam too hard. He sways anyway, off balance until Justin reaches out to steady him. Adam doesn’t react. “I’m going to Annie’s; wanna come?” Adam looks like he’s about to protest, but Justin takes a few steps ahead of him to block his path. “I didn’t get to see you this morning.”

“I don’t know why you’d want to see me.” Justin can barely hear the mumbled string of syllables but he stands his ground.

“Dude, Holster, please. I’ll even buy your gross leaf water.” He bargains. Using Adam’s nickname is a gamble. It usually makes him duck his head, embarrassed, but Justin always manages to catch exactly when his eyes light up. Sometimes, though, it sends him backpedalling back into the carefully constructed professional zone he’s set up for himself. Today, it makes Adam’s shoulders droop as he gives in. It’s worse than the backpedalling.

“Fine.” Adam sighs in agreement. Justin moves and they walk side by side to Annie’s, the backs of their hands brushing occasionally. He wonders what would be so bad about taking Adam’s hand. Statistically speaking, there are very low odds of any negative consequences. Hall and Murray are both off campus and the team isn’t anywhere in sight. It’s all Justin can think about when they walk into Annie’s and when Adam holds the door for him. They’re standing in line, pressed together in the small shop, when Justin takes a chance. He trains his eyes on Adam’s face and carefully laces their fingers together.

Adam doesn’t react, at first, but after a long moment he squeezes his eyes shut, inhaling shakily, and tightens his grip on Justin’s hand. His fingertips are calloused but his palm is broad and the heat from his fingers seeps into Justin’s. They wait in line for a long time, their coats and bags hiding their clasped hands, saying nothing. Adam only lets go after they’ve ordered and paid, releasing Justin’s hand just before he turns away to find a table. He selects one in the corner and has one leg propped on an extra chair by the time Justin arrives with their drinks.

“Thanks,” Adam says, smiling for the first time that day. It’s small, just the slightest curve of Adam’s lips, but it’s real. Justin drops his bag into the chair across from him and settles beside him, his knees brushing against Adam’s good leg under the table. It feels intimate and he wants to take Adam’s hand again but he knows it’s an objectively bad idea. He hadn’t calculated the consequences of holding hands two separate times.

“Anytime,” he says, and means it. They sip their drinks in silence before he leans in and breaks it. “So how was Boston? Did you see where Tina Fey yelled at a tour guide?” Adam chuckles, low and throaty, and it’s the best thing Justin’s heard all day (and he found out he got a 94% on a test, so).

“Tracy Morgan, and yeah, I did. I even got to see Vichy - ” He cuts himself off with a laugh when he sees Justin’s confused expression. “Antoine Kerlovich, he played with me in Seattle but was traded to the Bruins right before the deadline last season.” Adam clarifies, and the new data makes Justin’s head spin. Maybe it wasn’t the appointment at all, but seeing an old friend? Being confronted with someone who still has what he’d lost? Before his train of thought can spiral too far, Adam’s leaning back in his chair with a soft smile ghosting over his lips. “It was good to see him. He’s trying to get me to visit him in St. Petersburg when he goes home, because his ‘grandmama makes best food, Holtzy, you like and eat and get big and strong like me.’” He’s actually grinning when he slips into the dramatic Russian accent, and Justin laughs with him, knowing that Adam’s got at least six inches and forty pounds on his former teammate. He quickly reverts back to his original hypothesis - visiting Kerlovich clearly put Adam in a better mood, and Justin can’t keep from asking his next question.

“And the specialist? Good news?” Adam’s face twists, and Justin’s about to call the whole thing off before he replies.

“Yeah, actually.” Adam picks at the lid of his cup, fidgeting with the plastic rim. His big hands dwarf the cardboard container but his movements are delicate and contained.

“Yeah?” Justin echoes. That’s the last thing he expected to hear. The data doesn’t support his hypothesis at all but the conclusion is the same: Adam is hurting, and Justin’s going to fix it.

“I’m, uh, doing really well. I have above average mobility. I’ll even be able to skate as soon as my physical therapist clears me.” Although Holster’s saying good things, his face has fallen yet again. Justin wants to take his hand again, to pull him in and hold him tight enough to banish that expression from his features forever, but they’re in public and not even together and all he can do lean in and hope his presence is somewhat comforting.

“You don’t look like a guy with above average mobility.” He says slowly. Adam looks up at him in surprise, like he can’t believe someone’s noticed he’s not himself. Justin aches because it’s not entirely unfounded; he’d only realized earlier that morning when Adam’s been back from Boston for at least four days. He spends so much of his time making sure that he doesn’t stare at Adam that he’d missed the signs right in front of his face.

“I feel like shit, Justin. I’m in pain, I can’t do any of the things I used to do and I’m supposed to think I’m doing great? This isn’t what great is supposed to feel like.” Adam’s voice his hollow, punched-out and exhausted. His shoulders are drooping towards the table and someone as large as he is shouldn’t look fragile, but he does.

“It’s going to get better.” Justin says weakly.

Adam gives him a flat look, too tired to be fully annoyed with his platitude. “Is it? No matter what I do or how much I improve I’m never going to get back to where I was. I’m going to plateau at some point and it’ll be all downhill from there.“

Justin doesn’t know what to say. There isn’t a formula for this, a professor didn’t tell him that he’d have to know what to do in this situation. He can’t ask Excel what to say to make his friend feel better. He glances around the room - no one he knows is there, and everyone from the team is usually in class right now - and cups his hand over Adam’s. Adam squeezes his eyes shut, just like before, but this time he pulls his hand away. He stands, moving faster than Justin’s ever seen him.

“I have to go.” Adam takes his tea and weaves through the tables. It takes Justin a second to process and then he’s up, grabbing his coffee as he follows as quickly as he can without accidentally knocking someone over. He catches up to Adam in seconds and takes him by the shoulder. Adam tries to shrug him off half-heartedly but Justin just tightens his grip. They’re alone in the quad, the space empty as usual during popular class times. They square off, both holding their Annie’s cups, mouths set in thin lines.

“I can’t let you help me with this.” Adam’s broad shoulders are hunched, drawn inward. Justin wants to push them back into place, wants to feel his muscles bunch and jump under his hands, wants the warmth of Adam’s skin to seep through his clothes and onto his palms and then he wants to shake some sense into this asshole.

Justin takes a step to close the gap between them, then another when Adam automatically moves backwards. “You can’t stop me.” He says, and it sounds menacing as fuck but he’s just trying to help.

Adam blinks, taken aback. “What?” He asks, brows narrowing. Justin advances again, determined to make Adam understand that he’s not going to back down easily.

“How are you going to stop me? I told you this morning. If you don’t let me in, I’ll wait. I’ll make sure you go to water aerobics. I’ll keep track of your workouts and we’ll make sure you get better. I’ll turn the full force of my anxiety fueled organizational skills on you, dude. I’ll fucking do it.” He punctuates the words by jabbing his finger into Adam’s chest, trying not to think about the hard muscle he finds there.

“Justin,” Adam says, a warning. He bats Justin’s hand away.

“You said we were friends. This is how I treat my friends.” Justin’s voice breaks but he doesn’t turn away. He holds Adam gaze and catches the motion of his hands jerking towards him, like Adam wants to reach out but decides against it at the last minute. He makes the decision for the both of them, stretching out his arm until his hand settles on Adam’s chest. Adam doesn’t move. Justin takes a small step forward and speaks into the hushed space between them.

“I’m going to help because I’ll go crazy if I don’t. I’ll fucking lose it. I need this and you need me and we both need us.” Justin knows he sounds desperate, but he can’t bring himself to care. He knows they look strange, huddled together in the quad, but he can’t bring himself to care about that, either. He cares about Adam, he realizes, the thought crystallizing with startling clarity. He’s been dealing with his crush for months now and Adam’s somehow become the closest friend he’s ever had, but he hadn’t understood the depth of his feelings until this second. It’s not a crush on his favorite player anymore; it’s something new, something small and little bit terrifying and wonderful and real and he can’t do a fucking thing about it.

Adam’s gazing down at him, looking more worn than Justin’s ever seen him. Justin’s hand rises and falls as Adam takes a deep breath and slowly lets it go. “There can’t be an us, not when I want to coach and you want to play. It’s not just that I could get fired, Justin.” At the sound of his name Justin’s hand closes around the fabric of Adam’s pullover, tightening into a fist. Their eyes are still locked but Adam raises his hand and brushes his fingers over the delicate tendons and sinews in Justin’s wrist. His fingers are still warm despite the fall chill and Justin loosens his grip, slumping forward. “I can’t,” Adam continues, slipping his hand under Justin’s to twine their fingers together again. “I can’t stand the thought of someone thinking that you’re first line because of how I feel about you. I don’t want your accomplishments to be fucked up because I’m involved, and I - we both need this team. I’m not going to let someone take hockey away from you.”

It’s not just about the sport, Justin knows. It’s not the skates or the stick or even the rink. It’s the team, the friendships, the community that they both would be lost without. Justin’s had Samwell Men’s Hockey for years but Adam’s only recently found them, and he can’t stomach the thought of Adam losing them so quickly. They both need the team.

Justin sucks in a breath; the New England fall air is cool in his lungs. It’s comforting, and it would feel like home if the air carried a sharper chill. “Whatever you’re doing, Adam, it’s not working. Can you at least think about it?” He asks softly, and Adam ducks his head. They’re so close, now, foreheads almost touching now that the two inches separating them have vanished.

“I’ll think about it.” Adam says, and Justin’s shoulders fall slack in relief. It’s not a yes but it’s not a no and that’s all Justin needs.

“All right.” He says, and Adam carefully untangles their fingers before turning to walk away. Justin watches him walk away, back straight against the strong wind, steps sure even on the wet grass. The distance between them multiplies again and again but Justin’s chest swells with hope.

He’ll think about it.

It’s Friday afternoon and Adam’s spent most of the day in a thick fog. He’d had an appointment with his physical therapist that morning, and he’d heard the news he’d been waiting for since June: he can finally skate again.

Instead of being relieved he’d been terrified and he’d wandered back to his apartment in a daze that had taken him hours to shake off. Now, though, he has to face the task he’s been putting off since he first moved to Samwell. He has an hour booked at Faber tomorrow morning but he doesn’t know where his skates are, other than the fact that they’re somewhere in the boxes he hasn’t been able to face yet.

Adam takes a fortifying breath and opens the door, gripping the handle far tighter than necessary. The room is brighter than he’d expected, light streaming in from the windows across from him. It’s a nice room; he should really use it for more than procrastination. Adam leaves the door open behind him - it feels important to have an escape route - and wanders over to the only open box.

He’d attempted to unpack everything once he’d graduated to walking without a cane a few weeks after he’d moved in but one look at the familiar jersey carefully folded at the top of the first box he’d opened had sent him reeling. He’d gone straight to bed, only leaving a day and half later to drag himself to a physical therapy appointment.

Today, he’s going to do everything he can to prevent that same outcome. He has the Hairspray soundtrack playing from his laptop, a ten hour playlist of his favorite episodes of various tv shows queued up just in case, and he knows for a fact his mother is going to call him tomorrow morning in case he winds up in bed for another few days. All he has to do is find the box with his skates. Simple enough.

Three hours later Adam’s sprawled on the hardwood floors, plastic lids and balls of clear packing tape strewn around him. The majority of the boxes have been opened, the contents piled around his prone form. He’s watching Tracy Jordan describe his hilariously traumatic past for the second time in a row, hoping that watching it again will be the kick in the ass he needs to at least sit up. His phone has been buzzing consistently for the past thirty minutes but rolling over to grab it seems like a gargantuan task, one he’s not prepared to face anytime soon.

“I once saw a baby give another baby a tattoo,” He quotes, still tracking along with the episode even though his eyes are closed. He lays there, quoting the rest of the episode on and off until there’s a sudden banging sound coming from the other side of his apartment. The shock of the sudden sound is enough to jolt him into a sitting position. It’s the door, he realizes suddenly, and it’s only the mental image of Justin standing on the other side that pulls him to his feet.

The knocking continues as he drags himself down the hall, breaking into familiar rhythmic bursts by the time he reaches the living room. When he finally reaches the door he’s had to suffer through four shave-and-a-haircuts but he manages to pull the door open before another can begin. He steps back in surprise when he sees who’s on the other side of the door.

Beth’s drawn up to her full height of five feet and four inches and she’s got a cardboard coffee cup in each hand. There’s a red spot on her forehead, and Adam realizes she’d been literally banging her head against the door instead of knocking with her hand. She glares up at him as she sweeps into the apartment, brushing past him easily. Beth hands him the two cups and toes off her shoes and by the time he realizes what he’s holding she’s on the other side of the room.

“What do I always say, Adam?” She asks, voice brusque. Beth walks around his apartment, inspecting each and every item in his living room. Adam lingers by the open door, trying to make sense of what’s going on.

“Gosh, Tabitha looks great today?” He tries.

“Not that, the other thing.” She stop in front of his bookshelf, running her fingertips over the titles to examine them quickly. She pulls one book out, then another, and the next thing Adam knows she’s rearranging the titles by subject and author. Adam uses his shoulder to close the door as he thinks.

“Do no harm, but take no shit?” He says before setting the cups down on his kitchen table. Beth nods and plucks his copy of Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (and Other Concerns) from the shelf, flipping through the pages idly before tucking it into her purse.

“There it is. This is me taking no shit.” She points at him with one hand, picking up one of his game pucks in the other. Beth examines it for a moment before setting it back, and quickly arranges the rest of the pucks into a stacked pyramid.

“Did someone give you shit?” Adam asks, no closer to making heads or tails of Beth’s cryptic hints as he watches her arrange his memories into a more aesthetically pleasing form.

“You did. You stood me up!” Beth points at him and he takes a step back, worried for his safety despite the fact that she’s sixty three and fifteen feet away from him.

“Beth, we didn’t have plans to meet today,” He says slowly, worried for the first time that she’s misplaced some information. She turns to face him, hands on her hips.

“Don’t you dare use that ‘I’m talking to an old lady’ voice on me, Birkholtz.” She snaps, and crosses the room much faster than he’d ever thought possible. Water aerobics is seriously working for her. “I’m sixty three years younger than you’ll ever be. You stood me up emotionally, and I will not have it.”

“I’m really, really lost, and I’m having the shittiest day, so can you please explain everything from the beginning? Slowly?” He pleads, sinking into Justin’s chair. Well - the chair he always uses when he comes over to study. It’s just a chair.

Beth eyes him warily. “I saw you and Justin on the quad yesterday. They occasionally let the librarians leave the library, you know.” His face falls and he gestures to the seat across from him, and takes a long sip of his tea in preparation.

The entire story pours out of him. He tells her everything, from seeing Justin at the first practice of the year to trying to find his skates earlier that morning, months of tension and pining and awkwardness and belonging all spilling out in a long, unruly narrative. He tries to explain gaining a team and what that means to him and spends far, far too much time describing Justin’s first goal of the season but he manages to tell her everything before he finishes his cup of tea. It’s cold by the time he takes his last sip and he drops the cup down on the table with a sigh, slouching in his chair. Beth’s been mostly silent, aside from appropriate laughter or oohing and ahhing, and she’s had both her hands wrapped around his since he explained Hazeapalooza.

“Here’s what we’re going to do,” Beth says, giving his hand a firm squeeze. “We’re going to hug for a very, very long time. Then I’m going to find your skates and you’re going to ask Justin to help you when you practice tomorrow. It’s okay to let him help you.” Adam opens his mouth to protest, mostly out of habit, but she raises one unimpressed eyebrow and he stops in his tracks.

“I’ll find my phone.” He agrees, and when they stand he has to hunch over so her arms can wrap around his shoulders but she rubs his back and holds him tight and he feels better than he has in days.

Justin’s in the dining hall when his phone buzzes in his pocket. He digs for it with one hand, the other occupied with a chicken tender, expecting a text from Bitty about Betsy’s slow decline or a snap from Wicky but his eyebrows raise in surprise when he sees the familiar string of emojis. He drops the tender and wipes the grease off his fingers before unlocking his phone.

Adam [Honey Pot Emoji][Arm Emoji][Sparkle Emoji]: I need a water aerobics tutor but I don’t have Tabitha’s number. Know anyone who can help? Me: i might Adam [Honey Pot Emoji][Arm Emoji][Sparkle Emoji]: Cool, thanks. Adam [Honey Pot Emoji][Arm Emoji][Sparkle Emoji]: P.S. It’s technically on ice instead of in water. But they’re the same thing because #science. Adam [Honey Pot Emoji][Arm Emoji][Sparkle Emoji]: P.P.S. It’s also not so much “aerobics” as “skating” but whatever. Me: ur cleared to skate?? Adam [Honey Pot Emoji][Arm Emoji][Sparkle Emoji]: Yeah.

Justin’s about to respond when the little ellipses pops up; Adam’s typing. He waits but the three little dots flash up at him, appearing and disappearing in their coded cycle for what feels like hours until -

Adam [Honey Pot Emoji][Arm Emoji][Sparkle Emoji]: Will you help me? Me: of course Adam [Honey Pot Emoji][Arm Emoji][Sparkle Emoji]: Faber, 8:30, tomorrow morning. Me: see u then Me: u do kno that ice and water have differences tho right. they have different molecular structures and shit Adam [Honey Pot Emoji][Arm Emoji][Sparkle Emoji]:  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Me: why are u like this

They text on and off throughout the rest of the evening. Justin’s not sure why Adam’s suddenly onboard but he’s not going to fight it. He’s watched Adam’s carefully constructed professional boundaries come down in stages and at this pace, maybe someday soon they’ll -

Justin shakes the thought away. Adam needs someone to make sure he doesn’t fall and hurt himself again, not a fan-turned-water aerobics instructor-turned-friend who’s already 63.2397% in love with him.

It feels good to admit it to himself, even if it’s just something he mumbles to the empty bunk above him.

The next morning Justin meets Adam on the bench after running into Bitty and Jack in the locker room. He hadn’t realized they were still doing those checking practices but they were both smiling and Bitty hasn’t goat-fainted since early in the season. Justin can see the progress in the way Bitty sings under his breath as he puts his pads away and the soft upwards curve of Jack’s lips.

He takes a seat next to Adam, who’s bent over as he tightens his laces. Justin pretends not to notice his shaking hands.

“Pretty good morning for ice aerobics, don’t you think?” He asks, tone light as he sways gently to bump their shoulders together. Adam makes a little half-laugh, more of a quick burst of air than anything else.

“Good as any,” Adam replies, finally sitting up. He rubs his hand over his knee, a nervous habit Justin’s come to recognize. Justin pats his shoulder and stands, clearing the distance to the ice in one step. He glides a short distance and turns, then turns again, just getting accustomed to the feeling of ice beneath his blades. When he glances back at the bench Adam’s watching him. He’s smiling but he looks – not quite sad and not quite hopeful. Melancholic, Justin’s standardized test vocabulary reservoir supplies.

“Hey, man. You’ll be doing this in no time.” Justin knows his phrasing is a little off, but it’s worth it to see Adam’s eyebrows rise in surprise before he smiles. The expression is still tight around the edges and fades altogether when Adam stands and makes his way to the ice, but Justin’s proud he managed to relax Adam for at least a moment. He skates back over to the boards and offers Adam both his hands, his back facing the rink. Adam takes his hands in a too-tight grip and steps onto the ice, limbs stiff with tension. They glide back, both of them staring at Adam’s feet, until Justin stops them.

“How’s it feel?” Justin asks, absently running his thumbs along Adam’s knuckles in an attempt to relax him; his grip on Justin’s hands is painfully tight.

“Terrifying.” Adam says automatically. He bends his knees experimentally, eyebrows knitted together in a look of intense concentration. “Knee’s fine, though.” He adds. He lets out a long, relieved sigh and finally tears his eyes away from his feet. The anchors of his lips rise in a tiny, hopeful smile and Justin’s 63.237% rounds up to an even 65.000%.

It’s a long, painstaking hour. It takes Adam a while to get out of his own head and Justin’s on edge from start to finish, determined to keep him safe. There are a few close calls - Adam’s momentum carries him further than he expects more than once and he ends up in Justin’s arms - but halfway through the hour Adam finally begins to relax. Justin can see that it’s not his body that’s holding him back anymore, and he’ll keep as close as he can until Adam’s mind catches up.

They’re practicing stopping and Justin’s pressed up against Adam’s back, hands firmly on his hips to make sure he’s steady. Adam’s leading but Justin’s gently guiding him, helping his muscles remember what to do. They’ve been going back and forth, sending up small bursts of ice as they turn their skates to stop, when Adam turns suddenly, rotating in Justin’s arms. They’re pressed close together, chests touching, and Justin couldn’t look away if he tried.

“Hour’s up,” Adam says, cheeks pink above his neatly trimmed beard. His eyes are startlingly blue on the ice.

“Yeah,” Justin agrees, breathless. The immeasurable distance that always looms between them shrinks, disappearing with every breath.

Adam places a hand on his chest, mirroring exactly how they’d stood in the quad earlier that week. Instead of a fall wind and wet grass there’s an artificial breeze and hard ice but the distance between them shrinks again. Adam’s ducking his head, blue eyes level with Justin’s brown. The corners of Adam’s mouth twitch and then he’s suddenly moving backwards, having pushed himself back with the hand on Justin’s chest. The small smile become a full blown grin as he glides away and eventually turns to skate back to the bench without any assistance. Justin laughs, pride and joy bubbling up so fiercely it has to escape the confines of his ribcage in an uninhibited burst. The sound echoes around Faber, bouncing off the walls and ceiling until it fades, slipping beneath the hum of the rink.

65.000% jumps up to 66.000%, then 70.000%, then 74.000%, rising steadily with each beat of his heart. Later that evening, hours after they’d trudged off the ice, Justin can still feel the warm weight of Adam’s hand over his heart.

[dragonydreams]

Steal the Air - Captain Canary Pump Up the Volume AU

Title: Steal the Air Fandom: DC's Legends of Tomorrow Rating: Teen Pairings/Characters: Sara Lance/Leonard Snart Summary: Leonard Snart is your regular quiet nerdy guy by day, but at night, make sure to catch his Facebook Live posts as the mysterious Captain Cold. Modern Pump Up the Volume AU Timeline: n/a Word Count: 5,142 Disclaimer: I claim no ownership over these characters. I am merely borrowing them from Berlanti Productions, DC Entertainment, and Warner Bros. Television. Betas: Thank you to angelskuuipo and shanachie_quill for looking this over for me. Author's Note 1/Additional Disclaimer: I love the movie "Pump Up the Volume" and thought it would work so well as a Captain Canary story. It's so brilliantly written, that I couldn't bring myself to change many of the words from the film, so much of the text belongs to Allan Moyle and New Line Cinema. Author's Note 2: Written for @ficcingcaptaincanary​'s Movie AU prompt. (Told you I was going to be late with this.) Author's Note 3: Youtube links to songs used in story as you read or listen to playlist for this story on Spotify

Did you ever get the feeling that everything in America is completely fucked up? You know that feeling that the whole country is like one inch away from saying, 'That's it, forget it.' We live in a world where vigilantes dispense justice in the cities and metahumans rule the streets. And we're expected to survive high school and go out into that crazy world. I can barely think about surviving another day of mediocre education, let alone making it in the "real world". You know what I'm talking about, Starling City. So sit back, relax, and do not adjust your screen because I am Captain Cold and this is live. This is life.

~~*~~

"Hey, Sin, have you seen this?" Sara asked, sidling up next to her best friend as they headed into Starling City High School.

"What?" Sin asked, taking the cell phone from Sara. She glanced down at the open Facebook app. "Captain Cold? Yeah, I've been watching. You like every one of his posts so I was curious. Who is he?"

"No one knows," Sara said, taking her phone back and pulling up his profile. "The only photo is his profile photo with the huge parka and dark goggles. You can barely see his face."

"Maybe that's the point," Sin said. "He leaves that photo up blocking the camera for the live videos on purpose."

"I know, but he's gotta be a student here. He's as much as said so," Sara pointed out. "I'm gonna find him."

"Good luck with that," Sin said.

~~*~~

Everybody knows that the dice are loaded Everybody rolls with their fingers crossed Everybody knows the war is over Everybody knows the good guys lost Everybody knows the fight was fixed The poor stay poor, the rich get rich That's how it goes Everybody knows - Everybody Knows, by Leonard Cohen

Okay, down to business. I got my Black Jack gum here and I got that feeling, mmm that familiar feeling that something rank is going down up there. Yeah, I can smell it. I can almost taste it. The rankness in the air. It's everywhere. It's running through that old pipeline out there, trickling along the dumb concrete river and coming up the drains of those lovely track homes we all live in. I mean, I don't know. Everywhere I look it seems everything is sold out.

My dad sold out. And my mom sold out years ago when she took off after birthing my sister. And then he went and brought us here, to this this shitty corner of the world. He made me everything I am today, so naturally, I hate the bastard.

~~*~~

Laurel Lance sat on her bed, laptop open on her outstretched legs as she watched Captain Cold's live feed. She muted the video as her dad came into the room.

"I don't know how you get perfect grades when you're on that thing all hours of the night." Laurel felt like her smile was more of a grimace. "Don't forget that your Harvard interview is tomorrow. Don't want you looking tired. Good night, Sweetheart."

She kept the smile plastered on her face until her dad had closed her bedroom door before unmuting the video almost violently.

She didn't know why, but this Captain Cold seemed to understand her in a way her father never would.

~~*~~

I'm getting a lot of comments and private messages here. 'Dear Captain Cold, my boyfriend's giving me the cold shoulder. How do I show him that I really love him?' Why do you keep asking me for love advice? Do I seem like I have a lot of experience with relationships? If I had a girlfriend I'd be making out with her instead of talking to all you lonely freaks. 'Dear Captain, I think you're full of crap. High school isn't as bad as you make it out to be. Cheer up, buddy.' Well, you may be one of the few teenagers who doesn't hate high school, but let me tell you something, you're in the minority. You wanna know why I'm not "cheery"? I just got dragged to this dumb city. I don't have any friends, no money of my own, no car, and oh yeah, no license. I don't know what good a license would do since there's nothing to do here anyway.

~~*~~

Leonard Snart hesitantly went up to the librarian's desk in the school library, handing over the book he was returning to the cute blonde girl who was working at the desk.

"Hi," she greeted him.

"Hi," he automatically responded, adjusting his glasses.

"You're in my writing class, right?" she asked.

Leonard really wished the teacher hadn't read from his paper in today's class, drawing this girl's attention to him. Pretty girls like her made him nervous. "Uh huh."

"I like Mrs. Smoak. She's quirky." She turned away to look at his check out slip. "Now you're in trouble!" She paused dramatically. "You owe me twenty-five cents. 'How To Talk Dirty And Influence People' by Lenny Bruce. Who's he? Any good?"

Leonard shifted uncomfortably as he dug a quarter out of his pocket and handed it to her. "He's all right."

"Talk a lot?" Sara teased.

"Not too much, no," Leonard responded, making his retreat.

~~*~~

Sara pulled out a school newspaper with pictures of all the senior class in it as she watched the quiet new guy practically run from the library. She found his photo and circled it, then crossed it out. "Cute, but no way," she mused.

~~*~~

Curtain’s call Is the last of all When the lights fade out All the sinners crawl

So they dug your grave And the masquerade Will come calling out At the mess you've made

Don't wanna let you down But I am hell bound Though this is all for you Don't wanna hide the truth

No matter what we breed We still are made of greed This is my kingdom come This is my kingdom come - Demons, by Imagine Dragons

Guess who? It's ten o'clock; do you care where your parents are? After all, it's a jungle out there. I don't know. Everywhere I look it seems that someone's getting butt surfed by the system. Parents are always talking about the system, and the sixties and how cool it was. I hate the sixties, I hate school, I hate principals, I hate vice principals! But my true pure refined hatred is reserved for guidance counsellors. Captain Cold just happens to have in his very hands a copy of a memo written by Mr. Slade Wilson, guidance counselor extraordinaire to one Miss Amanda Waller, high school principal. "I found Miranda un-remorseful about her current condition." Bastard can't even say she's knocked up. "And she's unwilling to minimize its effect on the morals of the student population." Guidance counsellors! If they knew anything about career moves would they have ended up as guidance counsellors?

~~*~~

Carter Hall was sitting in front of his computer, Captain Cold's livestream open in one window with a blank Word doc open in another.

He hastily muted his computer as his mom knocked on the open door. "Carter have you finished your homework yet?"

"Yes," he somberly answered.

"Your father and I are downstairs, why don't you come and join us for once," she implored.

"No," Carter refused.

"Okay, Carter, have it your way," she said, sadly.

"Thanks," Carter said as she retreated.

Carter unmuted his computer as he typed: Dear Captain Cold, do you think I should kill myself?

~~*~~

I took the pistol and I shot out all the lights I started running in the middle of the night The law ain't never been a friend of mine I would kill again to keep from doing time You should never ever trust my kind

I'm a wanted man I got blood on my hands Do you understand I'm a wanted man - I'm a Wanted Man, by Royal Deluxe

Send me your most pathetic moment, your most anything, as long as it's real. I mean I want the size, the shape, the feel, the smell. I want blood, sweat, and tears in these messages. I want brains and ectoplasm all over them. Hallelujah! And now, all my chilly listeners, get comfy because my White Canary is back. "Come in. Every night you enter me like a criminal. You break into my brain, but you're no ordinary criminal. You put your feet up, you drink your mug of hot chocolate, you start to party, you turn up my stereo. Songs I've never heard, but I move anyway. You get me crazy, I say 'Do it.' I don't care what, just do it. Jam me, jack me, push me, pull me -talk hard!" I like that. Talk Hard. I like the idea that a voice can just go somewhere uninvited and just kind of hang out like a dirty thought in a nice clean mind. To me a thought is like a virus. You know, it can just kill all the healthy thoughts and just take over. That would be serious.

Sara was lying on her bed, listening to Captain Cold read her message for all the world to hear. "That would be totally serious," she agreed.

I know all of my chilly listeners would love it if I would just call up the pretty bird lady. But no! Because she never encloses her number.

Sara laughed. "Tough luck, creepoid."

She's probably a lot like me, a legend in her own mind. But you know what, I bet in real life she's probably not that wild. I bet she's kind of shy like so many of us who briskly walk the halls, pretending to be late for some class, pretending to be distracted. Hey, poetry lady, are you really this cool? Are you out there? Are you listening?

"I'm always out here," Sara promised.

I feel like I know you, and yet… we'll never meet. Ah, so be it. I don't know; drugs are out, sex is out, politics are out, everything is on hold. I mean we definitely need something new. We just keep waiting for some new voice to come out of somewhere and just say, "Hey, wait a minute, what is wrong with this picture?" Well maybe this is the answer to everything, wouldn't that be nice, huh? "Dear Captain Cold, do you think I should kill myself?" Great! Signed, "I'm Serious." And of course there is a number here. Hello, Serious?

Carter Hall took a deep breath and answered his phone. "Yeah?"

"Are you okay?" Captain Cold asked.

"Yep," Carter answered.

"I guess what I'm asking is how serious are you? How are you going to do it?" Captain Cold asked.

"I'm gonna blow my fucking head off," Carter responded.

"Oh! Well, do you have a gun?" Captain Cold asked.

"No, I'm going to use my finger, genius," Carter said, sarcastically.

"All right. So where is this gonna take place, huh?"

"Right here," Carter said.

"Where is this alleged gun? Do you have it with you? Did you at least write a note? You have a reason, don't you? You're not going to be one of those people who kills themselves and nobody has any idea of why they did it? Hey, that's why we need a note, pal!" Captain Cold cajoled.

"I'm all alone," Carter admitted.

"No, hey, look, maybe it's okay to be alone sometimes, everybody's alone," Captain Cold insisted.

"You're not," Carter said.

"I didn't talk to one person today, not- not counting teachers. I sit alone every day you know, sitting in the stairwell eating my lunch, reading a book. What about you?"

Carter hung up the phone. His mind was already made up. He loaded the gun.

I hate that, now I'm depressed. Now I feel like killing myself, but luckily I'm too depressed to bother. Great! Straight to voicemail. Rejected again, that's okay I'm used to it, terminal loneliness. People always think they know who a person is but they're always wrong. Most parents have no idea. It's just that mine had me tested because I sit alone in my room alone, naked, wearing only a cock ring, heh heh! I mean it really bugs me, everyone knows what a person should be, who cares how I should be! You know, in real life I could be that anonymous nerd sitting across from you in Chem. Lab, staring at you so hard, you turn around, he tries to smile, but the smile just comes out all wrong. You just think how pathetic, then he just looks away and never looks back at you again. Well, hey, who cares, that's my motto. Well, sleep tight, Miranda, sleep tight, White Canary, sleep tight, Mr. Serious. Maybe you'll feel better tomorrow.

Sara went to the paper she had taped to the wall of what she knew about Captain Cold so far. She wrote down that he ate lunch on the stairs reading a book.

She had a pretty good idea where to go look now.

~~*~~

Leonard was sitting outside with an open book and his lunch the next day, like he did every day.

The pretty girl from the library skipped down the stairs and stopped in front of him. "Hi, got a stick of gum?" She grabbed the package out of his shirt pocket, triumphantly. "Black Jack! My name's Sara, what's yours?"

"Leonard."

"Leonard," she repeated. "Well, hi, Leonard."

"Hi," Leonard said, marking his place in his book and closing it.

"Listen, I was gonna cut fourth period, do you wanna join me in the art supply room?" Sara asked.

"Er, no, I can't, got to go, sorry," Leonard said, awkwardly getting to his feet and practically running off.

"Sorry!" Sara called after him. "Maybe next time."

~~*~~

Mrs. Smoak was somber as she got the class's attention. "I have some very upsetting news. Last night one of our students, Carter Hall, took his own life. For those of you who knew him, there will be a memorial service at Dempsey Hall on Friday. I know it hurts, it's painful to lose someone."

~~*~~

Leonard found a quiet corner on campus and pulled out his phone. He opened Captain Cold's Facebook account and read the newest message from White Canary aloud, to himself. "You're the voice crying out in the wilderness, you're the voice that makes my brain burn and makes my guts go gooey. Yeah, you gut me, my insides spill out on your altar and tell the future, my steaming gleaming guts spill out your nature. I know you, not your name, but your game. I know the true you, come to me or I'll come to you."

"So you are him," Sara exclaimed from behind Leonard, causing him to jump. "Don't worry I'm not going to bust you or anything. Aren't you going to ask who I am?"

"No, I don't think so. No!" Leonard said.

"I'm the White Canary!" She boasted. "You don't believe me." She grabbed his phone and quoted without looking at the screen, "'I know you, not your name, but your game. I know the true you, come to me or I'll come to you.' Hey, relax, I'm not really like that, except when I am."

Leonard tried to get away from her, still upset from learning about Carter's suicide. "Look, I really can't handle this right now, okay?"

Sara looked at him sympathetically, as if she could read his mind. "Look, it's not your fault. I was listening last night. I didn't think he'd go through with it."

~~*~~

You're free to do what you want You never thought of consequences You created your own little world Where you could always be different

A place where the rules do not apply You could never be denied You took advantage of a good think Now the void you filled is empty

Put the mask back on Put the mask back on Don't take it off 'til everybody's gone

Put the mask back on Put the mask back on No disguise has ever lasted so long - Cover Up, by Trapt

You see I never planned it like this. I set up this account to talk to my old friends, but they didn't know to look for me under this handle. I thought I was talking to nobody. I imagined that nobody was listening. Maybe I imagined one person out there. Anyway one day I woke up and I realized I was never going to be normal and so I said fuck it, I said so be it and Captain Cold was born. I never meant to hurt anyone, honestly, I never meant to hurt anyone. I'm sorry, Carter. I never said, "Don't do it." I'm sorry. Um, anyway I'm done, stick a fork in me it's been grand. This is Captain Cold saying sayonara, over and out.

Sara sat staring at her computer as the video ended. "Come on, you can't do this," she told the screen.

Laurel shook her phone in the bedroom next to Sara's. "This is a joke right?"

"C'mon, Captain baby, don't stiff," Mick, Sin's boyfriend, complained as they watched together.

Leonard Snart paced around his bedroom, staring at his computer equipment. "What am I doing? Fuck It!" He sat back down and queued up a new video session.

You hear about some kid who did something stupid, something desperate. What possessed him? How could he do such a terrible thing? It's really quite simple, actually. Consider the life of a teenager. You have parents and teachers telling you what to do. You have movies, magazines, and TV telling you what to do. But you know what you have to do. Your job, your purpose, is to get accepted, get a cute girlfriend, and think up something great to do with the rest of your life. What if you're confused and can't imagine a career? What if you're funny looking and you can't get a girlfriend? You see no one wants to hear it, but the terrible secret is that being young is sometimes less fun than being dead.

"This is great, he's making it worse," the reporter commented to his cameraman outside the high school the kid who'd killed himself had attended. Whoever this guy was behind the parka and goggles, he'd made an impression. Whether that impression was good or bad, remained to be seen. What would get better ratings?

Suicide is wrong, but the interesting thing about it is how uncomplicated it seems. There you are, you got all these problems swarming around your brain, and here is one simple, one incredibly simple solution. I'm just surprised it doesn't happen every day around here. Now, now they're going to say I said offing yourself is simple, but no, no, no, no, it's not simple. It's like everything else, you have to read the fine print. For instance, assuming there is a heaven who would ever wanna go there, you know? I mean think about it, sitting on this cloud, you know it's nice, it's quiet, there's no teachers, there's no parents, but guess what? There's nothing to do! Fucking boring. Another thing to remember about suicide is that it is not a pretty picture. First of all, you shit your shorts, you know. So, there you are, dead, people are weeping over you, crying, girls you never spoke to are saying, "Why? Why? Why?" and you have a load in your shorts! That's the way I see it. Sue me. Now, they're saying I shouldn't think stuff like this. They're saying something is wrong with me, that I should be ashamed. Well, I'm sick of being ashamed. Aren't you?

"Sick to death!" Laurel agreed.

I don't mind being dejected and rejected, but I'm not going to be ashamed about it.

"Hallelujah," Sara called out.

At least pain is real. You look around and you see nothing is real, but the pain is real. You know, even this show isn't real. This isn't me; I'm using a voice disguiser. I'm a phony fuck just like my dad, just like anybody. You see, the real me is just as worried as the rest of you. They say I'm disturbed, well, of course, I'm disturbed. I mean we're all disturbed, and if we're not, why not? Doesn't this blend of blindness and blandness want to make you do something crazy? Then why not do something crazy? It makes a hell of a lot more sense than blowing your fucking brains out, you know. Go nuts, go crazy, get creative! You got problems? You just chuck 'em, nuke 'em! They think you're moody? Make 'em think you're crazy, make 'em think you might snap! They think you got attitude? You show 'em some real attitude! Come on, go nuts, get crazy. Hey no more Mr. Nice Guy! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, oh god!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, oh yes.

We're all excited But we don't know why Maybe it's cause We're all gonna die

And when we do (When we do) What's it all for (What's it all for) You better live now Before the grim reaper come knocking on your door

Tell me, are we gonna let de-elevator bring us down? Oh, no let's go!

Let's go crazy Let's get nuts Look for the purple banana Until they put us in the truck, let's go! - Let’s Go Crazy, by Prince

~~*~~

Laurel Lance took Captain Cold's words to heart. She grabbed her ribbons and trophies - symbols of her academic achievement, of her so-called perfect life, and carried them down to the kitchen where she stuffed them in the microwave. Just before she slammed the door closed, she ripped off her stupid pearls and tossed them in, too. She punched something into the timer and watched in fascination as the items slowly spun around until the microwave exploded, spitting debris hit her in the face, knocking her out.

The explosion drew Sara out of her bedroom and down the stairs where she found her sister unconscious on the floor. She looked around, bewildered, until she saw the microwave and she burst out laughing.

"You tell 'em, Captain Cold," she muttered, reaching for her phone to call an ambulance.

~~*~~

The next day, Leonard watched as students rearranged the cards on the notice boards to spell out STAY COLD and hung signs that said THE TRUTH IS A VIRUS. Some of the teachers were running around freaking out, trying to get it all down. Others thought it was about time someone made a stand.

Sara tracked down Leonard and got him alone in the art room. "So, I don't know if you know this, but my sister is the perfect Laurel Lance." Leonard shook his head to indicate that he had not known this. "So, last night she burned up all her shit right after you suggested it, in our kitchen! Oh, her precious pearls were flying like bullets. Dad was un-thrilled."

Leonard ran a hand over his closely shorn hair. "This is out of control."

"Yeess!" Sara emphatically agreed, grinning maniacally.

"That's it, it's over. I just hope it isn't too late," Leonard said.

"Leonard!" Sara called after him as he ran away, again.

"Just leave me alone, okay, please?" he called back over his shoulder.

~~*~~

Leonard allowed his dad to drag him to the PTA meeting at the school. He slumped down in his chair as Principal Waller tried to conduct regular business when all the parents wanted to do was talk about him. Well, Captain Cold. He sat up straighter as Laurel Lance walked up on the dais.

"My name is Laurel Lance and I have something to say to you people. People are saying that Captain Cold is introducing bad things and encouraging bad things. But it seems to me that these things were already here. My god, why don't you people listen? He's trying to tell you something is wrong with this school. Half the people that are here are on a probation of some kind. We are all really scared to be who we really are. I am not perfect. I've just been going through the motions of being perfect, and inside I'm screaming."

"Laurel, you were a model student," Waller said, disappointment evident in her voice.

Leonard made a hasty retreat after Laurel left. This was all getting to be too much.

~~*~~

Leonard stood leaning against the wall outside the sliding door of his basement bedroom, deleting messages for Captain Cold on his phone.

"Hi! What are you doing? You having fun?" Sara asked as she approached him.

"Yeah," Leonard said, absently.

"Hey, look, I took some of these off the wall for you. I mistakenly thought you might want them," she said, thrusting some handmade signs at him.

"Thanks," Leonard said, letting them fall to the ground.

"So I guess you're not going on tonight," Sara commented after a few minutes of silence.

"Brilliant," Leonard drawled, pushing off the wall and going back into his room.

Sara huffed, following him. "Is this all just a game to you? You know you can't just shout 'fire' in a theatre and then walk out. You have a responsibility for the people who believe in you. What is this? C'mon say something, say anything. Open your mouth and say, 'Get the hell out of here bitch.'"

"I can't," Leonard said.

"You can't what?" Sara demanded.

"I can't talk," Leonard ground out.

Sara snorted. "Sure you can talk."

"I can't talk to you," he clarified. He let out a noise of frustration as he sat in front of his computer, put on his headset, and opened Facebook.

I got a message from this guy who's got a problem, he can't talk. I mean he can talk, but never when he wants to, not to girls, not to people. He just opened up his mouth and nothing came out. And this jerk finds somebody that he likes, which is probably the worst thing to happen to a person who can't talk. So, I don't know what to tell this guy because lately every time I give out advice the fit hits the shan. So, I don't know, maybe the best thing to do is just turn around and face the music and try to talk.

Leonard turned around to talk to Sara but she's gone.

"Leo," Lewis called, knocking on the door.

"Coming," Leonard called back, pausing the video and turning off the monitor.

"Leo, it's just me. I wanna come in for a minute," Lewis said, turning the locked doorknob.

"Yeah, just give me a second here, two seconds," Leonard said, taking off the headset and hiding it under a dirty tee-shirt.

"Open the goddamn door," Lewis shouted.

"On my way," Leonard said, checking the room one last time before yanking the door open.

"I have been out there for two minutes, what the hell are you doing in here?" Lewis demanded, looking for evidence of drugs or alcohol. Or a Facebook video.

"I was just reading," Leonard said, gesturing to the book on his desk.

"Oh c'mon, Leo, I heard you. I heard you talking," Lewis said.

"I was reading aloud," Leonard quickly said.

"Oh c'mon, do you really expect me to believe that?"

"Okay, I'll tell you the truth," Leonard said, not sure what he was going to say.

"He was talking to me," Sara said, popping up from behind the loveseat. "Hi, I'm Sara Lance."

"Nice to meet you," Lewis said, stunned. "How do you do?"

"I was afraid you would be mad at me for disturbing Leonard's homework," Sara said.

"You don't know how happy I am to meet you," Lewis said, looking at his son with new appreciation.

"Listen, I've got to go, but it was really nice to have met you. Bye, Leonard," Sara said, taking a step towards the sliding door.

"No, you don't have to go. Leo, she doesn't have to go," Lewis said.

"Bye now, see you tomorrow," Sara said with a wink to Leonard as she slipped outside.

"You've been a bad dog, haven't you?" Lewis said, punching his son lightly on the arm. "You know, for a second there I thought you were that crazy Facebook character they've been talking about on the news."

"Maybe he's not that crazy, Dad," Leonard suggested.

"Right! Very funny. Go get her, go on. That's my idea of homework," Lewis cajoled.

After his dad left, Leonard got his microphone back on and resumed his session.

Sorry about that, folks, technical difficulties. Let's see who we have out there tonight. The usual band of teenage malcontents. I certainly hope so, because Captain Cold is feeling kind of rude tonight.

~~*~~

Let's go out in flames so everyone knows who we are 'Cause these city walls never knew that we'd make it this far We've become echoes, but echoes are fading away So let's dance like two shadows, burning out a glory day

Devil's on your shoulder Strangers in your head As if you don't remember As if you can forget It's only been a moment It's only been a lifetime But tonight you're a stranger Some silhouette - Silhouette, by Aquilo

After Leonard put on the song he went outside to get some air. It had been a surreal night so far. He'd called Mr. Wilson again and was informed that his phone was being traced. Too bad for the cops that it was a burner phone. They could triangulate his signal, but not to his specific address, especially once he removed the battery and sim card from the phone.

He wasn't surprised that Sara was out there, listening to his cast on her phone.

"It's okay, you don't have to talk, you don't have to say anything and you don't have to do anything, unless you want to," she said, approaching him slowly.

"You're so different," Leonard said. "I mean, you're so fearless. I wish I could be like you."

"You are," Sara said, stepping close to him. They're so close but still not touching. Swaying together in the warm breeze. Almost dancing.

"I wish I could say things to you," Leonard said, raising a hand to hover over her cheek before lowering it.

"You do," Sara said, so earnestly. She grabbed his hand and placed it over her heart.

"Everything's so strange," Leonard whispered, his fingers flexing against her shirt.

"Yeah," Sara agreed, her breath hitching at their nearness.

"Maybe we're just crazy," Leonard said, meeting her eyes.

"So be it," Sara said, rising on her toes and pressing her lips to his.

Leonard wrapped his free arm around her back, pulling Sara closer as she wound her arms around his neck. The kiss was clumsy, messy, all teeth and hard lips, but neither cared. They paused, panting for breath before coming together again in a much more satisfying kiss.

"So be it," Leonard whispered against her lips.

The End

[theowlreblogs]

I was tagged eons ago but I write this now because I suck!

A tagg!

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk?

Oh godness, it's a little shameful, but more cereal! I just love it, Although it's been a while since the last time I had cereal for breakfast

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?

I adore it, especially early in the morning, it makes me feel both nostalgic and happy... Somewhat, alive

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books?

Tickets, leafs, random papers xvx;; But I try to use bookmars!

4: how do you take your coffee/tea?

With sugar and milk!

5: are you self-conscious of your smile?

Oh--! Sometimes! But I try to calm that feeling down. I love laughing and smiling, after all. I do that all the time, can't help it!

6: do you keep plants?

I love my lil' cactuses... They three are named off things important to me! (Yes, even Mr Pickles, fuck off)

7: do you name your plants?

OH GODNESS. Yes. Yes I do. The names of my plants are Sócrates, Eainstein (Tamy named him!) and Mr Pickles.

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?

Usually, writing. I used to draw for that too, but I barely do it now. I ought start to do it again.

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself?

Oh boy, I am always humming and I do love singing

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?

It depends! I don't care that much, I usually sleep on my back, I think? But I also like to sleep on my right side?? idk

11: what's an inner joke you have with your friends?

...Too many, gods

12: what's your favorite planet?

Mars! Dunno why

13: what's something that made you smile today?

Mhmmm... A little kid in the hairdressing salon. She was just too pure and cute!! And she was super excited of getting a nice hairstyle. I also smiled while watching some more eps of B99 with my brother- And when we made some cherry shake ~ ! Idk, I smile a lot lately

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?

AAAHHhhhh hmmmm!!! Oh gods that sounds so dreamy. It will be so full of books, plants, cactuses everywhere. Stars in the roof, stars in the walls. I'll buy any glowing in dark paint to use it in the walls and make a galaxy. I imagine it all magic and beautiful--- I would try to have that flat really pretty!! I love to decorate rooms. We would have a ton of animals living with us too!!! ofc

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is!

"Most stars take millions of years to die. When a star like the Sun has burned all of its hydrogen fuel, it expands to become a red giant. " I googles when a star dies. I had no idea of what to search...

16: what's your favorite pasta dish?

PISTO!

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair?

Dark blue...! Probably? Oh, godness. I wish i had the guts to actually do it.

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.

I've started to laugh only to think about the QUESTION. I am that friend who always make stupid shit. It's so ridiculous! A thing that is always remember in my friends group is a time when we were eating cake and then a piece of chocolate fell from Maria's cake. I started to laugh so hard I choke. I MEAN I REALLY CHOKE, I WAS ABOUT TO DIE THAT NIGHT. Maria always remembers it because she says that it all was so irreal. Two deaths for the price of one! (Her chocolate x me)

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it?

I have a book journal! I draw a little something every time I finish a book.

20: what's your favorite eye color?

Blue... A lil's bit obsessed with them, to be honest.

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that's been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces.

The one who gave me moms's first friend when we moved to Lugo! It's brown and big, I've been putting badges around it. It's a little old already (it has like four years) but I feel so comfortable with it!! it has just so many pockets and I adore it!!

22: are you a morning person?

Not that much, to be honest <XD;;

23: what's your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?

Playing videogames and reading (probably fics)! Oh boy I love both things

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?

I used to have that but-- Not now. The closest is my brother! We both traveled around so many places, moved out so many times, that we are like-- the best friend of each other? We had no choide. We both were the only person that were always... there. I know he never ever ever ever EVER will hurt or betray me, and I never evER EVER EVER will hurt or betray him either, but he is my lil' bro- you know, there are some stuff I wouldn't tell him <XDD;;

25: what's the weirdest place you've ever broken into?

Mhm... I can't remember now? I can turn normal places in weird ones -sparkles-

26: what are the shoes you've had for forever and wear with every single outfit?

;v;" None... all my shoes are less than a year now...

27: what's your favorite bubblegum flavor?

MINTH! And tropical fruits =///u///=

28: sunrise or sunset?

Sunset! The sky-- burns then

29: what's something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing?

Always, when we sea each other, doesn't really matter how a shitty day we had, I can't stop but smile when I see Maria! And she always starts to smile and laugh too, although she almost always asks what is that fun. I just find it too cute! How we are always happy to see each other, I miss so much her...

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared?

Yeah... five years ago I was pretty sure that I was dying, and I was about two or three days being not able to sleep or eat. Just-- for that thought. If I ete something, I would throw up.

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell?

really, just talk about socks.

I LOVE socks!!! They rock /SNORTS. I mostly have boring socks now, I really should start buying weird ones- I will!

About if I sleep with them-- I do, where I live nights are cold (even in summer!) so, yeah.

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.

Once... When I was in a friend's house we TOUGHT we saw a weird/ghostly shadow????? It was just so

NOPENOPENOPEBOPENOPENOPE

33: what's your fave pastry?

Mhhm~ Tiramisu?

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?

U-umh... Her name is Luna and she is a dalmatian dog... She's been with me since I was six? I love her... I used to be super scared of dark and nightmares until I got her

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often?

I love them! I have some brown pens and I use them way too much. The type that use BROWN to write test and such- In my schools I am known for 'that one who uses the brown pen'

36: which band's sound would fit your mood right now?

I've been the past hour listening to Gregory and the Hawk

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean?

Clean! But it gets messy too easily

38: tell us about your pet peeves!

I can't stand when people don't look at me in the eyes!

39: what color do you wear the most?

Oh... Black! It isn't a color per se... Then, blues!

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what's it's story? does it have any meaning to you?

A star of some gem I don't remember now. Paula gave it to me last summer! It's one of my treasures -nods-

41: what's the last book you remember really, really loving?

MHHMM... If you ignore the relationship of... two characters, Interview with the vampire is pretty nice. It makes you think!

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!

OH!! It's called Señor León (Sir Lion)!! They are super nice and cheap and give so many free food I love them!!!

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with?

I can't remember--

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?

Mhmm... The last time my brother and I went to a Burger King after having a shopping day. I just felt so calm and comfy... Like everything in life was good

45: do you trust your instincts a lot?

I do!

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of.

P2 ! (In Spanish. I won't explain it, 'tho. Sorry /snorts)

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe?

GUTS! Eeeew

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?

It was darkness... and it really isn't anymore. In fact, I am like 0% afraid of darkness now. Isn't the light what makes us see what is hidden there?

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought?

UH- Ummmmh... I don't... actually do that? Youtube is my friend -sweats-

50: what's an odd thing you collect?

Cans? I like pretty cans...

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them?

My friends Lorena! With this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=blQA4W8B0OI

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far?

Oh my god, so many-- The one of the stars, probably

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers?

beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them?

Heathers! With Sari and Juan, some months ago. And Beetlejuice when I was a kid, so I don't really remember much of it.

I really liked Heathers! The irony and sarcasm is on point

54: who's the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?

MMMMMMMMH... my mom?

55: what's the most dramatic thing you've ever done to prove a point?

Oh my god I have no idea, I am super extra for the lols all the time

56: what are some things you find endearing in people?

When they smile, calmy, so tenderly, at something they enjoy/love when they think that nobody is seeing them...

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics?

Dude I always have that song in my soul, I don't ever NEED to listen to it- I love it, so much, it makes my heart aches, even

58: who's the wine mom and who's the vodka aunt in your group of friends? Why?

The vodka aunt is Tamy! The wine mom probably is Lorena. I am the hen mom who tries to feed and take care of everyone /ohboi

59: what's your favorite myth?

A Galician one... The one of the crossed paths. It says... That if you pass over a path that intersects with each other after midnight, you may see somebody sweeping the exactly spot in wich both paths are connected. And that somebody would be-- a witch that you better ignore and don't look into her eyes

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?

I love Machado and Ruben Dario! La princesa está triste being one of my faves

61: what's the stupidest gift you've ever given? the stupidest one you've ever received?

The one i've given-- A freaking joice! All neatly wrapped and all. The stupidest I've recieved... a toilet brush holder shaped as an owl!! I like to make gifs as joke, and my family/friends like to make them to me too because they know how silly am I

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?

Sometimes! Usually of orange, but I like the one of pineapple too!!

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be?

I keep them organized by shapes!!! My babies

64: what color is the sky where you are right now?

Dark! It's late here

65: is there anyone you haven't seen in a long time who you'd love to hang out with?

So.. many people? My friends life far away now...

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like?

Roses and mimosa flowers!

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel?

Well, here it usually is like that, so it makes me feel just... normal?

68: what's winter like where you live?

Super cold!

69: what are your favorite board games?

MONOPOLY! I am such a nerd of Monopoly, all my friends are tired of my shit with that game. I also like Cards againt humanity pretty much

70: have you ever used a ouija board?

Nop. And never will. There are some stuff we gotta leave alone, you know.

71: what's your favorite kind of tea?

Black! With milk

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you'll forget it?

...Yes. Pretty much

73: what are some of your worst habits?

Mhmmm... Talking too loud, probably. I am kinda, aaah... escandalous?

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.

A nerd of blue eyes with a dreamy smile who makes everything they touch super cute. Their aesthetic? Red roses, vintage stuff and plushies. Gives the best hugs ever and never ever ever even in thousand years I would hurt them. (I am full of love for all my friends! But I hang out with them some days ago and I am still super glad they exist)

75: tell us about your pets!

Her name is Tana and she is a BITH

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren't?

Probably drawing... or sleeping. My back is killing me

77: pink or yellow lemonade?

MANGO lemonade!

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?

Hate them- Although some of their mercha is pretty cute

79: what's one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?

Mhmhmhmmmmmm... so many stuff--? I am so grateful everytime somebody makes anything to me. But a thing I find it super cute is when my friends lend me their own clothes when it's cold and I am an stoopid who brought a summer thing... ///

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why?

White! They are pretty boring -v- I didn't choose it

81: describe one of your friend's eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of.

Like open, clean skies, with long, pale eyelashes. Golden petals in the irises... (It's a different blue of the other person I was talking to!!)

82: are/were you good in school?

People tend to think that I am super nerd, but I am just okay, tbh

83: what's some of your favorite album art?

I don't really know I don't owe any...

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?

Oh! Yes, maybe! Wings in my back, something in my wrist. I am still not sure what. I used to want the dark mark but gods, I fell out of love with HP last year =v="

85: do you read comics? what are your faves?

YES! I really enjoy reading shojo 9//9

86: do you like concept albums? which ones?

Oh! Yes. The ones about weird photographies are usually my faves

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?

Megamind, Ever after and Amelie

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy?

Oh! Reneassance and Dada, probably. I like pretty much impressionism too

89: are you close to your parents?

Eh! Only to my mom. Although she sometimes it a little too... much, being honest.

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities.

Madrid? Probably. Even if it smells like piss

91: where do you plan on traveling this year?

I am not planning to travel anywhere- Maybe to Santiago in my brother and me's birthdays, just to chill

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch?

I love cheese, but I usually only use a tiny bit of it on my pasta

93: what's the hairstyle you wear the most?

I only let my hair down, I am a simple Lani

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday?

Certain Rene! > v >

95: what are your plans for this weekend?

MMMMMMMh... Going out with some friends! I don't know where, 'tho

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot?

I install them p fast! I try to take good care of my bab

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house?

INFP | Virgo | Slytherin (I am all the good stuff!!)

98: when's the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it?

HMMM... I live in a place we have nature everywhere, so explain which exactly means ‘hiking’, because so many times I end up in a place that looks like a mountain (oh!)

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HfUKpLGgts4 <- "If you'll be my star, I'll be your sky. You can hide underneath me and come out at night. When I turn jet black and you show off your light I live to let you shine " one of my very favourites ever. I feel like it did sum up my feeling many times

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=klHpznbGeYc <- "Try not to mistake what you have with what you hate " Love that one..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tlAiq0_BXac <- "Hey, would it be so bad if I stayed? I'm just a ghost out of his grave. I won't put white into your hair... I won't make noises in your stairs. I will be kind and I'll be sweet if you stop staring straight through me " I can't explain how much this one means to me... I even have a comic planned because of it

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? Why?

To the past. I will fix so many stuff now that I know better.

[grizzlefur]

WWEm - The Chairening

((25-6 Sep))

!WAR NOONRETFA YADNOM si siht ,secnerefer s'relggiZ hploD naht ytrap eht ot retaL

niaga yaw gnorw eht epat eht dedaol ev'uoy ,leinad lleh gnickuf

tuo ti tros

--------------------

ahem

technical difficulties aside, let's watch some wrestling

it's monday because fuck off, i don't do schedule

this is the go-home show from no mercy, so presumably something will happen

even if it's just cesaro getting new teeth

and miz is already here

wait, shit, apparently this is actually ontario, california

now i need to retract that whole rant from last time, on the grounds that this is apparently a real place

anyway, slideshow of jj gettng fucked on by the miz to resounding cheers

everyone loves miz cos they're still in SoCal

even if he is wearing a janky-ass check suit

oh, and he's here to interview roman

great

now people love miz even more by comparison

miz kicks off by mentioning taker so people remember how much they hate roman

throws roman a softball question about how it feels to take over from cena, he stares into the middle distance for an uncomfortably long time

and then canned monologue about how he now respects cena

and he doesn't see why he should be spending time in a room with miz

who's like well i'm the one here with a belt so nyahhhhhh

takes the opportunity to throw shade at jj, roman stands up for him and says miz couldn't beat him one on one

asks the miztourage for a beer

miz is like no my talk show has standards

and like hey yeah it's such a bad thing to have two guys helping you out oh waaaaaait

floats the idea of the miztourage vs the shield, the crowd goes nuts

roman laughs, is like yeah fuck that, crowd hate him

and then talks about his path to the universal championship, manages to mess up brock's name

miz commences to a+ ranting about how he's the most important champ on the show

certainly the most hardworking

roman's like fuck it, okay, let's fight

miz desperately backpedals

is like nope sorry can't wrestle in this suit and also my wife is pregnant

so relevant

makes his farewells, leaves, but OH WAIT here's kurt

to be like yeah cool let's do this shit

roman/miz later on, mizoturage v matt hardy and jj now

because jeff's shoulder's fucked AGEEN

but first let's have this advert for hiac

although why you'd need to advertise it is a mystery to me when you could just read kevin's outstanding twitter feed

back in the room, and here are the hardyz

jeff's here to watch

and  rock out to their music

slowmo replay of the tower of doom spot that fucked his shoulder, doesn't look pleasant

and here's jj, met with overwhelming ambivalence

matt's got his green trousers on so at least they're coordinated

bell rings, jason commences to dismantle the other team by himself

finally tags matt in, crowd start paying attention

matt brings his usual brand, laughing like a goat and shambling curtis axel to death

ad break, so the miztourage get some offence in

because we all know heels are allergic to being filmed

apparently they did it by stepping to jeff and making jj defend him

you'd think that'd be a job for his actual brother, but then you clearly don't know the hardyz

corey talks about his time in the ring with bo for some serious oldschool nxt nostalgia

jj throws curtis out of the ring, double hot tag, cue matt mashing bo's face

side effect, curtis breaks the pin, jj spears both of them into the corner, twist of fate on bo for the pin

cole manages to mix matt and jason up

i guess they are both basically the same colour

positioned on the thin line between actual poc and tan as fuck

up next, we talk about the universal championship match

yay, more brock on my tv

after this ad for smackdown

and total bellas

featuring nikki and john arguing about power of attorney

thrilling

corey claims the universal title match was like a sci-fi movie, offers precisely no information to back this up

well, i guess it was less interesting and well-executed than the premise would suggest, so i guess there's that similarity

yeah, that's me throwing shade at disappointing adaptations of hugo award-winning books

(all of them)

come at me

in any case, here's elias

wearing his chicago tour shirt

(which i now own)

ontario have mixed opinions on walking with elias

apparently we're having a rematch of him and apollo tonight

this diss track is primarily about apollo, because nobody has anything interesting to say about ontario, CA

anyway, here's apollo

and titus

fight starts immediately as the bell rings, ref has to sneak in to pick up elias' scarf

booker talks about titus' political ambitions, corey reprimands him that "we don't do politics"

if only everyone in the company took that view

(wow, there's shade for everyone today)

the crowd are vocally behind apollo, which is novel

elias punches titus in the leg to distract apollo, superkick and drift away for the pin

after which titus runs in to fight elias

and everyone's like ohhhh yeah he's a wrestler

very short scrap before elias runs away

up next, finn does a thing

and we need to stop hyping the whole 'Man vs Man' thing

how was nobody on creative like welp that's a fucking stupid tagline, let's just do some more coke instead

cancer kids ad, and now charly interviews finn in a room made of curtains

i wouldn't put it past finn to have an interview in twin peaks

finn thanks bray for pushing him to succeed, restates his universal title ambitions, leaves

well that was short

meanwhile, here's curt hawkins and his 118-match losing streak

and here's braun

this'll go well

curt's like waaaaaaait a second this was a bad idea

and runs away

into the crowd

braun doesn't give a shit, leaps the barricade to chase him throw the crowd

and chokeslams him through a table

guys, that table was presumably there for a reason

now where will the tech guys keep their snacks

picks him up, takes him up to the stage and powerslams him through the led boards

god bless you, curt

bumping like a champ

braun goes back to the ring, gets a mic

like fuck that guy who wants to come and give me a real fight

and it's dean, because ill-considered decisions are totally his thing

walks over to examine curt's corpse, shrugs, heads to the ring

dean is, as ever the living embodiment of eh, fuck it

he's here with the scars of having the best match on the last night's show

but all his teeth, so could be worse

so braun's just focusing on working his bad shoulder

which is weirdly technical for him

you'd think just pounding the shit out of him would work just as well whether he's got a bad shoulder or not

dean tries the princess bride-style sleeper, gets smashed into some turnbuckles for it

keeps trying punching braun and getting headbutted to death

collapses, braun tries the foot pin

doesn't take

this match is like 90% just dean ragdolling around the arena, but it's actually p good

he gets a bit of offence courtesy of an eye poke

dean tips braun over the ropes, braun's like whatevs dude i'm tall and just stands on the floor

booker makes reference to braun having a "cloak of invincibility" [sic] despite the fact that he lost the night before

and dean gets powerslammed into oblivion

where's seth anyway

not here for his best bro

corey's commentary on the highlights package from that suggests he may not in fact know what a ddt is

backstage, kurt tells a ref to be extra careful in the miz match

and now here's enzo

who we gave a belt for some godforsaaken reason

he proposes a 'celebratory brouhaha'

kurt's like dude that was the shadiest win do you actually deserve it

enzo makes more noises, kurt caves

offers some advice from a longtime champ, enzo's like nah dude you're good and leaves

up next, alexa exists

after this archive footage of stone cold driving a beer truck into the arena eighteen years ago

presented by snickers for no particular reason

but now here's dean in the trainer's room

seth's brought him ice, asks him to be less ludicrously self-destructive now they're working together

like dude maybe at least let me know next time

dean calls him predictable, seth tries to prove he's not

so he's going to ask for a match with braun next week

dean's like yeah, fair, i did not expect that

perhaps not a great idea though

ah well

in the ring, here's alexa

in a sleeveless silver jacket that i would so totally wear

now maryse isn't on the show, i'll just have to steal alexa's wardrobe ideas

alexa thinks of all of us as her personal friends, and she's very disappointed in us

for not appreciating her victory

and looking forward to asuka too much

and here's...mickie?

god, this division is so arbitrary with who the next contender's going to be

apparently alexa said some uncomplimentary things about her on raw talk

i was busy not watching it

in my defence, it had 100% more lawler than i need in my day

alexa is just doubling down on the sarcastic praise of mickie

can't really narrate it, because we all know how sarcasm works in text

damn this restrictive medium

alexa's like hey i would fight you, but i don't want you to break a hip

mickie comes back by making fun of alexa's boobs

class

she wants alexa to repeat what she said on raw talk or fuck off

oh, apparently it was calling her an old lady

alexa repeats, gets kicked out of the ring

yet more hype for roman/miz

i am resolutely unhypened

but up next, seth/sheamus

after this asuka advert

still with the sun tzu quote for whatever reason

here comes seth, still burning it down

i love the person in the crowd with a giant milk carton sign with MISSING above a picture of cesaro sans teeth

sheamus is in full kkb gear, cesaro's just in a grey suit and aviators, which mostly has the effect of making him look like pitbull

cue slideshow of the match at no mercy

including the spot that should totally have been the finish

ooh, apparently cesaro's teeth were pushed up into his gums rather than out

ouch

not that i ever really trust wwe's descriptions of injuries, tbh

seth suicide dives sheamus, takes a moment to mock cesaro, eats an irish curse for his trouble

sheamus gets seth up in a stretch muffler, which is a move that seems to have undergone something of a resurgence just recently

and then into a cloverleaf

eventual rope break, but that did not look fun

speaking of moves that are coming back, seth gets a punt to the face

sheamus and cesaro take a moment to grandstand, giving seth time to dodge the eventual brogue

sheamus goes to the top rope, seth meets him downstairs with a gut kick, kingslayer for the pin

which apparently they're calling the ripcord knee now?

well w/e

up next, talking about cena

yaaaay

after more ads for our other shows

and now finn's backstage

runs into goldust, who's got his mojo back

goldust takes issue with finn positioning him as a victim and someone who needs help

a view you might recognise from previous editions of this blog

hi, dustin

finn apologises, goldust accepts but then punches him in the face a bunch

quotes godfather 2 at him, breathes in his face, leaves

but now it's time to talk about cena/reigns

have this slideshow in which we try and make it look way more dynamic than it atually was

and the clip from raw talk with cena being magnanimous

which i did watch, thanks to the miracle of...THE INTERNET

*internet theme plays*

(answers on a postcard what you think that would be)

video package ends, we move on

really thought we were gonna get something more than just replays of last night

but hey

nexg up, roman/miz

after this advert for story time and title card about how wwe's the best at twitter

here's roman, nobody cares

case in point: i spent his entire entrance staring blankly at my facebook feed before realising i should probably say something

a+ journalism

as i type that, enter the miz in a delightful silver lamé sheath

and also his minions in human clothes

bell rings, miz kicks off by trying to talk his way out of this match

makes the point that nobody really has anything to gain from this entirely meaningless match, and he's not wrong

roman accepts the handshake, then punches him a lot

such mixed messages

miz gets out of the ring and hides behind his dudes to rant, roman stands there and laughs douchily because his current gimmick is 'You know that smug fucker who's in your friend group for no reason you can really establish and whom you could quite happily punch in his big grinning twat face? Yeah, him."

miztourage are continually interfering whenever they're more than about five degrees from the ref's eyelines

wwe refs are like the shitty starting enemies in any stealth game

roman's selling an injured back, corey waxes lyrical about sciatica

as you do

and then takes the chance while roman's getting kicked in the face to say 'xiphoid process'

superman punches to all three heels, giving miz time to get away

that last line spoken in the voice of sandra bullock

(yeah, esoteric references)

miz eats a driveby, hits a big ddt for a nearfall

roman counters a finale into a spear, pin, #romanwinslol

the miztourage immediately come in to kick the shit out of roman

they'll be a long time at it

he is so full of shit

fights them off, superman punches miz again, stops to taunt him

sets up to powerbomb him, curtis and bo hit him with chairs

oh yeah, we're setting up for the furniture PPV

makes sense i guess

miz hits a finale, gloats

end thing]

or not

miz decides he didn't get to take part in ç, runs back to the ring to give roman some

and then another finale onto a chair

hits him with another chair, then the three of them do the shield fists over him

good moment

speaking of things that are not that, enzo's brouhaha is coming later

but next, finn/goldust

after this ad for 2k18

and nxt

back in the room, goldust is here and i've only just realised how much his music reminds me of music from freespace 2

*does the arms*

wait, does this mean we're having enzo's dick party as the main event?

well, i guess that means something eventful will happen

and it'll presumably be in the form of everything going wrong for him

this match just went really quickly into both of them being really vicious

finn's like i'll be helpful and magnanimous and shit, but if you cross me i will fucking end you

seems reasonable

goldust is floored by a pele kick to the air a couple inches above his shoulder

followed by a really sloppy sling blade

who do i blame for this

and then, despite selling hurt ribs, hits a coup de grace for the win

i know when i've hurt my ribs, i like to concertina my body onto another human from a significant height

wyatt cut, house lights go out, creepy child singing

wyatt cut again, end thing

huh

apparently later we have sasha/bayley v nia/emma

and here's bayley and sasha backstage

tension abounds

they both try and passive-aggressively semi-apologise for fighting over the belt last night

and bayley tells a sad story about her shoulder trauma and physiotherapy

they bond, end thing

and now here's kurt backstage

enzo accosts him, kurt has the facial expression any of us would have when accosted in a corridor by enzo amore

enzo wants a stipulation for his party

anyone touches him, they lose any shot at the belt

kurt's like fine whatever please go away

"Oh, and one more thing: you're annoying as hell. Annoying. As. Hell."

kurt angle, speaking for all of us

time for the women's match now

here's noa

or indeed nia

Pro Wrestling NOAH Jax

have a hispanic heritage month thing for julio cesar chavez

just under the bar before we run out of month

back in the room, emma's here, as is her excruciating new music

what are cfo$ even on atm

and now sasha in her matador jacket

and bayley in a cancer charity tshirt, because if one wrestler was going to wear one, it'd be her

did we really need that slowmo footage of bayley's shoulder shitting the bed?

this match presented by novartis, because we at dubby dubby wee are 100% cure there could be no problem with emphasising the link between wrestlers and pharmaceuticals

nia leg drops bayley's bad arm, which is a move that would look nasty as hell on an uninjured arm

bayley throws emma into nia, ensuing tension gives her time for a hot tag

sasha and bayley both outside doing some strong team work, bayley runs nia into the post

emma almost gets a rollup, eats a bayley to belly off a blind tag for the pin

that was...functional?

as long as the intended function is continuing the shittening of emma, i guess

backstage, enzo rants at strangers like a homeless methhead

guess what we've got next

after this ad for raw in denver with rollins/strowman and roman/miz for the belt (why?)

enzo arrives, corey commences to rage against them taking the belt away from the best thing in the division and giving it to "essentially a Muppet"

and now he's trying to convince booker to cover for him while he sneaks off

wait, can i do that?

daniel?

...

daniel is gone

touché

enzo's doing a speech

and he's personifying the belt as a woman again

essay question: Are there objects or status symbols that Enzo Amore *doesn't* want to put his dick in?

[30 marks]

mocks cass for getting injured, rails at the fans

compares himself to cena, batista and the rock

unveils his baseball jersey which he's had framed

mocks 205 live

...is he still a face?

i have no idea

cue the 205 theme music

and the entire fucking cruiserweight roster pouring out onto the stage

he starts talking again, they all stand on the stage looking just beyond done with him

mocks rich for dancing and cedric for having no charisma, they're both just like dude have you seen yourself

calls gran metalik fat

"I call it how I see it, right?"

the clarion call of the douchebag everywhere

mocks jack, drew and noam for...unclear reasons, is interrupted by neville's entrance

uses the phrase 'real man', i reach through time and the television to slap him in the face

makes fun of neville's ears

this is some incisive material right here

neville gets on the mic, so i'm happy

calls enzo out for being a toxic shitbag who's alienated everyone he's ever met

fair

spins us a tale of how enzo was dumped on the division's doorstep and the rest of the division convinced him to keep him

and does a superlative rant at him for making the division into a joke

and announces he's here to kill enzo on behalf of the whole division

enzo pulls out his piece of totally legally binding paper

which may in fact be a post-it note?

talks shit at him some more, continues to mock everyone in the division

tells him to fuck off

neville thinks fuck it, i have principles, kicks him in the stomach

and throws him into his framed douchebag jersey

and also everything else

enzo tries to run, the entire roster walks up the ramp to block him in

this is some heartwarming shit right here

neville catches him again, resumes the murder

feeds him his piece of paper, kicks him in the head to raucous applause

this is the greatest double turn ever

red arrows him so hard he does a full handspring out of it

and we fade on a fallen douchebag with a mouth full of paper as a conquering king breathes heavily on him

as all great works of literature do

right, since daniel's not here i guess i need to do the technical bits

which lever is it that switches tapes to smackdown

gonna try this one

----------------------------------------

Well, let's all just accept that that was not the correct lever to pull and try and move on

daniel got back just in time to get my leg out of the tape deck

also he brought sushi, so is forgiven for being slightly late for the second show

with all that said, let's get on with some THURSDAY AFTERNOON SMACKDOWN!

(okay, daniel was *very* late)

i'm only a week and a bit behind, i've done worse

although hiac is on sunday, and i'm going out tomorrow and saturday

this could be fun

need to watch a week and a bit of wrestling in like a day an a half

woooooo

anyway, the show's starting with a recap of vincegate

and shane talking about how great the mcmahons are

and somehow being a face, despite the fact that the mcmahons are just objectively the worst

and everything kevin has done is totally proportional

speaking of, here he comes in the present

(the present time, that is)

(kevin owens has not been giftwrapped)

just had that smackdown moment of remembering how good the announce panel is

or at least it should be, if tom could remember how to speak english

we're like two minutes into the show and he's cocked up three times

kevin gets in, calls shane out

and also everybody who called him a coward

like sure, i wasn't here last week, but now i am and shane's nowhere to be seen hmmmmmmm

calls shane a very smart man

[citation needed]

kevin claims to personally like vince, so that should get some heel heat

and he's like look what i did to someone i respect and like, so how much will i fuck you up, you twat

on a related note, here comes sami

looking serious

steps in and just straight asks kevin what is wrong with him

like dude, we hav our problems but you are seriously off the rails here

apparently this feud is going to destroy kevin's career and also his life and family

kevin's like yeah w/e you're just jealous

sami is despondent

some people just can't be helped

no kevin, don't draw our attention to the fact that shane mcmahon is going to be headlining hiac

kevin argues sami has never done anything as important as him headbutting vince

sami comes back like yeah, while this is all technically true, you're a cheating fucker

sami will have his day and it will be beautiful and wholesome

(when all of current creative have died)

calls kevin trash, both drop their mics and square up

here comes bryan to interfere

confirms that shane is not here, and might not turn up tonight

a+ commissioning there

proposes kevin/sami tonight

well that'll be original

oh, who cares

i mock, but every one of their 84736395 matches has been great

end thing

later we have a pride of bulgaria celebration

apparently

and also dillinger/corbin next

after this ad for new day/usos at hiac

which is so going to be the best match again

and the first of many plugs for the hiac theme

by a band i've actually heard of for once

and here's baron

i think they've tweaked his music again?

i don't remember this many vocals on it

but it's possible i just stopped paying attention when baron came on screen

roll recap vt of the ongoing feud

tbf, i don't mind this new music of baron's

it's kind of shitty nu metal, but he's a shitty nu metal kind of person

and here's tye

i miss his alien waistcoat

(five words i have never said before)

and also here's aj for some reason

possibly just to show up both of their themes by being so much better

tye throws baron over the ropes while he's looking at aj

cue ad break

during which the heel has had a bunch of offence

funny how that works

the internet confirms that baron's music is new as of this ep

good to know i'm not completely unreliable

meanwhile, tye is wrestling a good match and baron is being baron

and aj is on announce

baron gets chased outside, ends up face to face with aj and throws his bottle of water over him

and then throws tye at him

and tye loses to a weirdly fast countout

so that happened and wasn't bullshit at all

aj runs into the ring, baron fucks off like a shitty nu metal motorbike wolf guy type

oh, he's sticking around

gets up to the stage, decides to get a mic and head back down to taunt aj

claims aj can only win with help, because he apparently hasn't been watching wrestling in the last decade

challenges him for the belt at hiac

end thing

another ad for the pride of bulgaria celebration

during which rusev will apparently receive the key to the city of plovdiv

which sounds like the shit i'd make up, but it's actually what they said

anyway, next it's jinder being just the worst

after an ad for total bellas

and a recap of all the shit that just happened with aj and baron

and confirmation of their hiac match, if we needed it

but now here's the indian contingent

flanking jinder

(sick burn)

this week jinder is apparently here to compliment shinsuke

oh, no, he's going to laugh at his face some more

who wrote this angle

and who didn't fire them

ha

as they were laughing at one picture, he started moving

THE FEED IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE BUILDING

shinsuke announces his presence, cue the best entrance

jinder freaks out, the singhs rush him and get beaten up

allowing jinder to come from behind and  slam shinsuke into things

like he does so...

well, like he does

shinsuke fights back, beats up all three and kinshasas jinder

end segment, hire new writers

apparently tonight will be the first owens/zayn match on smackdown live

this is the only reason they rebranded, so they could make that matchup fresh again

up next, hype bros/usos

and here come the new day, who are notably neither of those teams

they've brought popcorn and snacks

presumably to lurk and be hilarious for this match

after this cancer ad

i'm not convinced by the SUPER DELUXE FURNITURE KALEIDOSCOPE graphics for tlc

better or worse than HANDS AND SKUUUUUUUULLS

hard to say

but i think the designer of both needs to calm the fuck down a bit

back from ads, the bros are already in but the usos get an entrance

new day are in the front row of the crowd

but e still has binocualrs

bell rings, the usos immediately kick a significant percentage of the shit out of mojo

new day start a mojo chant, giving him enough of his namesake back to get a hot tag

looked away to answer the phone, came back thirty seconds later to see the usos get the pin

why is this such a ppv setup show when there's another week to go

usos get mics, go over to call the new day out

e produces a mic from his box of popcorn, because of course he fucking does

new day clap back, xavier challenges them to a cell match

that match will be every flavour of bonkers, and i am very excited for it

corey's like well we have to wait and see whether it gets made official

because apparently he doesn't know how wrestling challenges work

but up next, plovdiv pride

wait, i'm being told that that may not mean what i think

after this ad for raw

and here's aiden?

in a lovely suit

he's emceeing the party

what a cravat

(actual cravat for once)

and he has the mayor of plovdiv with him

huge if true

aiden does a big hype piece for rusev, he comes to the ring as aiden sings the national anthem

crowd boo and do usa chants, because dicks

okay, imma have to look up the bulgarian national anthem and see if this is actually it

if it is, props to aiden

well, at least half the crowd held the boos until after the national anthem

okay, one research break later i can confirm that someone in dubby dubby wee actually did their homework this time

the mayor is reading from a scroll kindly held by aiden

in bulgarian, obv

boos resound

i caught some of it, because it's quite similar to russian

repeats the speech in english for the cheap seats

and apparently september 26th is now rusev day

add that to your calendars

i didn't mention it, but rusev is wearing a natty waistcoat and on a bulgarian flag podium throughout

rusev thanks the mayor, replays the vt of his nine-second win over randy

plovdiv has the cheapest-ass key to the city i've ever seen

and believe me, i've seen the keys to many cities

rusev repeats his claim to have ripped out randy's fangs

p sure i'd remember that

it's apparently his jungle now

which is handy, because nobody had said anything about a jungle before now

aiden has a rusev day song he wrote for us

randy appears out of the crowd to rko aiden mid-flow

and then i thought for a minute he rko'd the mayor as well

but rusev had pushed him out of the way and gallantly taken the fall for him

there's way more nationalism on this episode than i'm comfortable with, ftr

but now, sami gets called into bryans office/curtain corridor/upholstery and poster shop

apparently shane is on his way

sami wants him to hold off so he can beat on kevin himself

bryan will see what he can do

but up next, charlotte/carmella

after this ad for 2k18

and yet another total bellas plug

and now randy's in a corridor

accosts renee, rather than the other way round for once

gives her a challenge for rusev at hiac if she sees him

wishes her a happy rusev day, leaves

and now we're back in the room

with charlotte

but still no peacock robe

booo

really long recap vt of charlotte/nattie

when it could be summed up with 'she's a hart, she's a flair, not gonna go well'

carmella arrives with her briefcase and her boo on his leash

which she then fastens to the turnbuckle

i have no clue what they're trying to go for with this, but i'm enjoying it

tom's like corey, you're down with the alternative kids, the fuck is this about

carmella distracts the ref with deviously detachabale jewellery, letting ellsworth push her off the turnbuckle

which was kind of charlotte's own fault for going up the turnbuckle her enemy's minion was chained to, tbh

carmella hits her with a dodgy-ass crossbody

charlotte kind of had to jump into it to take the bump

and after a functional few minutes, carmella eats a superkick for the pin

this remains such a ppv setup show

what will we do next week

now here’s nattie in new gear

even more transparent than usual

she's like hey char good to know your dad's ok he can watch me kick you to death at hiac lollllll

grin, end thing

this episode, snickers brings us the debut of cena for some unstated reason

but more importantly, fashion files returns next week

and by next week, i do of course mean two days ago

time, eh?

and...

undertaker bongs?

whaaaaaa

oh wait, it'll be dolph

the announce team are all buying into it because of course they are

oh hey, corey's got his number

just like really dolph the fuck is wrong with you

while this is true, the big hat kind of suits him

the crowd twigs, they hate him

he's like come on guys, did you really think you'd see taker twice in one year

which is fair

i need a gif of him going "Ahhhhh, the 90s" there

halfway through his usual rant about how anyone can gimmick, here's a walking gimmick to...prove his point?

anyway, it's bobby roode

i could cheerfully slap both men in this feud

bobby gets into the ring, calls dolph out for being a hypocrite

someone had to

are they trying to angle him as a kind of face-of-the-people babyface here?

cos that's just weird after his nxt run

challenges dolph for hiac

crowd chant for it, dolph's like i don't give a shit guys, shut up

dolph accepts, tries to do the rest in peeeeeeacehmgrlfrgn, bobby shuts him up so he can say glorious some more

but now, main event time

all the matches in this episode have been functional at best, so hopefully this'll pick it up

after this ad for 205 and a recap of all the shit that went down with enzo

and here's a sami

specifically zayn

although i do kind of want him to ride a eindeer to the ring

and here's kevin, no bullshit

bell rings, mutual pummelling begins

these guys are fighting like they're very aware that another segment overran and they don't have a lot of time

so they're just having the same match, but sped up like 20%

sudden cut to another feed, shane is in the building

back in the ring

kevin dodges a crossbody into a beautiful superkick

clip from the ad break of sami hitting a brainbuster on kevin on the apron

okay, yeah, these guys are elevating it

sami jumps over a popup attempt, counters into a blue thunder bomb

kevin dodges a helluva kick, so sami hits an absolutely brutal tope on him instead

and by 'on him' i do of course mean 'largely on his own ankles'

goes for a torpedo ddt, kevin blocks with another superkick

lovely timing there

and hits the apron powerbomb

at which point the ref calls for the bell

because apparently that move was worse than sami's apron brainbuster?

enter some medics to do helpful yet unspecified medical stuff

sami tries to fight them off while being functionally dead in his usual 'dead fish who will fucking have you' style

kevin sits on the announce table watching all this, then decides he sitll has more rage to vent, and bodychecks through sami and all the medics

and now he has a chair

KEVIN OWENS OF EARTH.

YOU HAVE GREAT RAGE IN YOUR HEART.

puts the chair around sami's neck, sets him up to throw him into the post, and HERE COMES THE MONEEEEEEEY

shane mcmahon, a man of deep principles who will only intervene when one of his employees is inches from death

kevin throws sami at him, hitting him in the face with his chair necklace, and runs away

another average day in the life of kevin 'maladjusted preteen' owens

everything focuses on shane and kevin staring at each other between the ring and the top of the stalls, and corey's like ummmm should someone maybe check on sami?

and we fade with that question still hanging in the air

but hey, sami'll be fine

we all know those two are like those irritating paired bosses in every rpg where you have to kill them at the same time or they'll just keep bringing each other back

nothing short of a complete detonation of canada will stop them

and on that bombshell, good night!

(i hate myself)