#bro has mommy issues SQUARED

[phoenix--flying]

my ta nemesis kids are a silly lil bunch

[alterchaos]

SCHOOL

The weekend is over and Thorndyke siblings return to school, both eager to make some changes in their lives...

(cw: bullying; please read the foreword)

inspired by: Sonic X Episode 6

PREVIOUS CHAPTER: A BATTLE BETWEEN BROS

NEXT CHAPTER: PARTY HARDLY

A quick foreword from the author:

Hi, everyone. I want to start out this chapter in particular with a few words. This is one of two chapters in this series that will openly depict the act of bullying, including things that may be distressing to read. Reader discretion is advised; however, the scene itself is short and isolated from the rest of the content and towards the beginning. If you wish to skip this scene, stop reading when you see a row of ♡♡♡ and pick back up when you see the same row later down the page.

I also want to make clear that while the issue of bullying is central to Eve’s character, and she has been through it countless times, it is not a place I want to actively sit in more than necessary. One scene is enough to get the point across (more on the other chapter when we get to it). Alter Chaos is supposed to be a story about hope and how we can heal through love. This is only a starting point for the long journey and development that lies ahead for her, and while we need to take the time to acknowledge that it happened, we also need to be willing to let it go and keep moving forward.

Beyond the story purpose of this scene, I am a passionate advocate against bullying. It is real. It does happen and it is a horrible thing I would never wish on anyone. While I adjusted a few parts and phrases to be less intense, these are all real things that were said and done to me in school, starting at her age (7), by both faculty and students alike. I don’t say that to ask for pity. I’m over it. I’ve made my peace. I say it to offer a level of groundedness and nuance that may otherwise be missed, especially in the Sonic and shonen-ness of it all.

I write to all of you to look inside yourselves and to believe that you can be brave, even in the smallest of ways. We all have that choice deep within ourselves to be who we want to be. Nobody can ever truly take it away from us.

All we have to do is take that first step.

—----------------------------------------------------

riiiiiiiing

The children of Station Square walked into the school, ready to begin another day full of learning. None though, were as excited as the blonde girl whose hair ribbons blew wild and free in the warm spring wind. She smiled with confidence. After having stood up to that Eggman villain the other day, she was ready to face whatever lay ahead.

She was cool now.

No bullies could bring her down.

“Evelyn!!”

The girl in question held her head high and kept on walking.

“Hey, Evelyn!! Wait up!!”

However nice he’d been to her that day, it still didn’t change a thing.

“Slow down!!”

Besides, even if she did want to believe it, he’d never change that easily, right? As soon as he’d see his friends, he would join them, just as quiet as always even when they were mean to her. She knew that. He knew that.

So why was he still being so persistent?

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

“Hey look, it’s the complete waste of space.”

“Right on schedule, freak.”

Eve didn’t need to look to know who was there. Her heart skipped a beat in a moment of fear, their words cutting deep like a blade. This time, however, she wasn’t alone nor defenseless.

This time, she had Sonic.

She took a deep breath, continuing her walk into the school building with each courageous stride.

“Huh? Too good for us all of a sudden?”

Keep walking. Keep walking.

She heard footsteps closing in.

“Say something, you fat, ugly freak!”

Don’t cry. Don’t cry.

In less than a moment, she felt a powerful grip on her tiny wrist.

“Ow! L-Let go!”

“Or what? You think you’re so much better than us just because your precious mommy and daddy are so rich and famous?”

Eve looked around for help with pleading eyes, though all that saw simply turned away. Whispers and laughter filled the air as she attempted to struggle her way free to no avail…

Weak…

Helpless…

She looked back to her brother with the same plea, all hope leaving her as she watched him stand there, frozen in place. She’d been a fool.

Nothing had changed.

One of the bullies smirked while the other chuckled to himself, “At least your pathetic, pushover brother gets it.”

The girl’s face grew red as she quickly turned away from him. She struggled to get her wrist free a bit more, but was stopped by a sudden jerk, bringing her face close to the rotten duo’s. There was no escaping the words that came next.

It was always the worst part.

“You’re worthless. Nobody wants to be your friend. Not even your own mommy and daddy want to be around you. So do us all a small favor and throw yourself off the school roof.”

Her eyes flew wide.

“Just go and die already.”

With that, they loosened their grip just enough for Eve to yank her arm free. She ran into the school building in a panic without looking back.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

—----------------------------------------------------

As his sister disappeared down the school hall in a hurry, Chris wrestled with himself. He’d been so ready to stand up for her, to tell those two off the moment he’d seen them and yet, he hesitated, and that hesitation cost her so much more than simply a good day at school. They were right: he was a pushover, pathetic, unable to live up to the courage and heroism of his new friend. He felt disheartened at the new and loving bond he’d no doubt just lost with her, clinging tightly instead to one built on malice and harm, and he had no one to blame this time but himself.

However…

Chris clenched his fists.

Even if she’d never forgive him for abandoning her for so long…

He looked at the two laughing children with a newfound determination.

That also meant he had all the power he needed to make this right.

Terrified yet ready, Chris took the first steps forward towards creating the future he wanted.

—----------------------------------------------------

sniff hic

Eve wasn’t aware of where she’d ended up, just that she knew it was quiet. Quiet meant that there was no one around to hurt her. Quiet meant safe. She didn’t care to look at which hallway she’d ended up in, opting instead to stay curled up with her face buried in her knees. She just needed to cry herself dry before heading to class. That way, no one would bother her with the details of what happened or get roped in on her behalf. She didn’t want anyone else to suffer the way she did.

She just wanted to be left alone.

“Excuse me?”

No. She just wanted to be left alone.

“Evelyn, right? I saw you running through the city the other day.”

The voice did sound kind though, almost like Sonic’s. Wet, aqua eyes peeked up from the comfort of her knees.

She sniffed, wiping a tear away, “W-Who are you?”

The similarly blonde girl smiled at her, “My name is Helen.”

“H-Hi, Helen…”

“I saw you running through the halls crying just like you were back in the city. Are you okay?”

Eve began fidgeting nervously with a small strand of her hair, “S-Sorry for worrying you…”

“Why are you apologizing?”

“I-I…I don’t w-want you to feel hurt b-because of me too…”

“Huh? What are you talking about?”

Eve slowly began unraveling herself from her knees as she told Helen everything, all the things the bullies were saying to her as well as everyone’s reluctance to help despite her pleas. She didn’t know why but, despite the knot in her stomach, she felt she could trust her. She expressed not just the day’s incident, but prior incidents as well, feeling a bit of weight release from her chest as she acknowledged each out loud. Helen watched without judgment, listening intently until the small girl was finished.

Helen grabbed a few tissues from her backpack hanging off the handlebars of her wheelchair, handing a few to Eve to help clear her nose and wipe her tears.

“Thank you for sharing that with me. That must have been so hard and I’m so sorry you had to go through that alone. If I’d known…nevermind. Do you feel any better?”

Eve nodded, too embarrassed and nervous to look the older girl in the eyes.

“Hey, there’s no shame in feeling the way you do. Believe me…” Helen paused a moment before continuing, “Would you like to join me and my friends for lunch today? You aren’t allergic to anything are you?”

Eve shook her head, “A-Are you sure? I-I don’t want them to go after you too…”

“Hmph!” Helen flashed a confident smile, pumping up one of her muscular arms in a display of strength, “Then I guess they’ll just have to deal with me too!”

Eve giggled, wiping away her remaining tears, “Y-Yeah! I’ll see you at lunch then, Helen!”

—----------------------------------------------------

After receiving her tray of food and searching nervously for her new friend, Eve found Helen at a table with two other kids around her age. She waved, beckoning the fidgeting girl over with a free hand. Eve made her way over to the trio, sitting next to Helen before releasing a small, sheepish smile.

“H-H-Hi…”

“This is Evelyn, guys. She’s my new friend I told you all about earlier.”

“A-Actually…u-um…E-E-Eve is f-fine…”

A dark hand was the first to reach out, “Hey there, Eve. I’m Danny!”

Eve shook it back, “H-Hi, Danny…”

“And I’m Francis!” The redhead with freckles followed suit with a fair hand.

“H-Hi, Francis…N-Nice to meet you b-both…” She didn’t even realize the small knot she was making in the strand of hair she was twirling around her finger.

Helen placed a gentle hand on her shoulder, offering her reassurance, “Don’t worry, Eve. You can be yourself around us.”

Danny picked up, “Yeah! None of us really had anyone to hang out with for one reason or another, so when we realized that we each had that in common, well…”

Francis jumped in, “Boom! Instant friendship!”

Eve smiled a bit more, a bit of tension leaving her even though her voice remained soft, “That’s really sweet. Th-Thank you for inviting me in to be a part of this.”

“Of course!”

Her smile fell as she noticed the pair of bullies storming to a table off to the side. They seemed to have a hard time sitting down, as if they were sore or in pain. Eve’s curiosity piqued though when they turned their heads, locking eyes with her. If looks could kill, she would have been dead seven times over. Even more curious, however, were their faces: one donned a swollen black eye while the other had a couple large bruises lining his cheek and jaw.

Francis was the first to comment, “What happened to those jerks?”

“I don’t know,” Helen stared them down just as intensely, “But I don’t like the way they’re looking at our friend here.”

Danny pounded a fist into his free hand, “Yeah, well, they’ll just have to deal with us first.”

Before Eve had a chance to try and calm them down, her gaze shifted to that of the door where a beaten, bruised boy slowly made his way into the cafeteria holding an ice pack to his eye. She recognized the auburn, spiky hair immediately, her eyes flying wide in surprise. No attempts at logic explained the phenomenon before her, nor could it have prepared her for what she saw next. Despite the state he was in and the embarrassment he should be feeling as all eyes fell on him in shock, he stood tall, smiling to himself without a care in the world.

There was no regret in his eyes.

Had he…

Had he really…

“Chris-?”

CRASH!!!

Time slowed in that instant as the glass panels of the cafeteria windows shattered. Screams filled the large room as everyone ducked under their tables, avoiding the debris. Rumbling could be heard throughout the halls as part of the infrastructure crumbled along the outer edge of the now-shattered wall. Everyone began to run for the exit doors in a desperate attempt for escape, yet their paths were blocked in mere moments by a set of large and imposing robots. Looking back to the shattered windows, a massive robot with spider-like limbs now blocked the way, locking in all of the students and teachers for whatever awaited them next. The cockpit of the massive robot descended, revealing a large, mustached man inside.

“Eggman…”

“Who?”

“W-We have to run!”

“Ah. Ah. Ah. Not so fast, pipsqueaks.” Eggman’s voice boomed over the hijacked loudspeaker.

“Who are you!?!?”

“What do you want with us!?!?”

The man twirled his mustache just like the villains in Eve’s favorite cartoons, “Me? Why I’m only the greatest scientist in the known universe! The wonderful, the ingenous, Dr. Ivo Robotnik! My purpose at your fine establishment today is to recruit all of you young and bright minds to join my glorious empire, the Eggman Empire!! NYAHAHAHHAHAAA!!!”

“Like we would ever join you!!”

“Yeah!!”

“I thought that might be the general consensus, which is why I stayed up all night preparing your new curriculum. Anyone who refuses to comply will not be allowed to leave. HO HO HO HO!!!”

Eve stood tall, throwing a small piece of debris at the cockpit, cracking it in one hit, “We aren’t scared of you!! Sonic will come to save us before we know it!!” She wasn’t about to let the villainous Eggman hurt her new friends. Even if she couldn’t do much, she would stand and fight.

“Who’s Sonic?”

“Dunno.”

“Sonic?”

Whispers of this mysterious hero began floating around the cafeteria, instilling hope.

Eggman looked to the source of the outburst in a fit of rage, his eyes instead going wide with recognition over the small, frail girl before him. He smiled sinisterly, “My, my, my…I remember you. You’re that insignificant speck that ruined my plans last time with your ridiculous plane stunt.”

“Evelyn? Ruined plans?”

“Plane stunt? Did she really?”

“No way…”

Eve paid no mind to their whispers, continuing to stare down the villain before her in a bold act of rebellion.

Sonic would save her.

She had no doubt.

She had nothing to fear.

“Hmmm…very well. I guess I could do with one less minion.”

“-!!?”

One of the robotic arms swiftly lunged at her, claws stretched wide and ready to steal her away. Eve didn’t have time to run by the time she noticed. Just as it was about to grab her though, she felt a push and her back hitting the ground beneath her. Her eyes flew wide as she witnessed her savior, in the grip of the robotic claw.

“CHRISTOPHER!!!”

Time slowed as Eve watched her brother, his eyes wide in fear, be ripped away from her. The robotic arm jerked him slightly as it prepared itself. Then, in one swift motion, it flung itself to the side of the robot’s body, releasing it’s clawed grip from behind. Chris screamed as his body launched into the air, away from the school. Eve ran to the shattered window panes of the second-story building, trying to reach out to him when he was already miles away, fading from sight as he fell into the city skyline nearby.

And then, he was gone.

“NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!”

Eve collapsed to her knees in horror, her tears and rapid, shallow breaths overtaking her as the full weight of what just happened sunk in. Chris, her brother, was gone and it was all her fault. If only she hadn’t tried to be brave, to act cool in the face of danger, to be some kind of hero. She put everyone in danger again, and now he was gone without her ever having the chance to acknowledge that he cared, to give him the chance that he wanted to be there for her. She was right.

They were all right.

“Hmmm…I was going to get rid of you too but I’ve changed my mind. I think we all learned a valuable lesson here today. Isn’t that right, class?”

“Wrong, Eggman!”

Everyone turned their faces to the sight of the hero standing tall atop the robot’s shoulder piece. His figure was silhouetted by the light of the sun, and his emerald gaze glowed fierce and unforgiving. In his arms rested the semi-conscious figure of a boy with spiky hair.

Eve began sobbing joyfully at the scene. He was alive! Her brother was alive!

Chris was alive!

“RRRRRRRRRGHHHH!!!!!! YOU BLASTED HEDGEHOG!!! FINE!!! I’LL TAKE YOU OUT MYSE-!!!”

He didn’t have a chance to finish that statement before the blue figure grabbed one of the robotic arms with his free hand, pulled it close, and stomped it down hard into the cockpit. Eggman ducked, barely avoiding the claw as his latest creation began to fail him. One by one, each of the robotic arms began to lose their grip on the side of the building, causing the machine to begin to tumble. The large hedgehog jumped down without a word, Chris still in his arms. He tapped the struggling robot with his foot, giving it just the push it needed to fully lose its grip and tumble to the ground below. He watched just as quietly as Eggman broke free from the cockpit, calling upon a smaller robot to take him away up into the sky.

The mysterious hero bent down close to Eve, his vengeful gaze still fixed upon the robots at the door, “Hold him for me for a sec, will ya?”

Eve complied, hugging Chris tightly as he disappeared. In a simple gust of wind, all the robots were wiped completely out, their shells lining the floor in a metallic massacre. The swift hero then reappeared at her side as if he’d never left.

The fight was over before it ever began.

“...”

“...”

“YEEEEAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!”

Roaring cheers from students and teachers alike filled the cafeteria. Everyone was saved and chanting the name of their mysterious new hero, Sonic the Hedgehog.

Everyone that is…except Eve.

The small girl simply sat there in complete shock, trembling like a leaf between the horror of nearly losing her brother and the awe of witnessing Sonic’s raw power. It was all too much to take in and her mind simply couldn’t process it. Sonic, noticing this, immediately knelt down to her level. All signs of the frightening, vengeful warrior were gone, replaced by the kind and gentle friend she coveted so much.

“You okay?”

“Y-Y-Yeah…”

“Are you sure about that, sis?”

Eve’s eyes met her brother’s. While he was busy smiling in his beaten state, her face grew hot with tears. She didn’t know what she felt more in that moment: anger, joy, it didn’t matter. It was simply all too much for her to hold in.

“Y-YOU IDIOT!! YOU’RE SERIOUSLY ASKING ME THAT!! FIRST YOU GET BEAT UP FOR ME AND TH-THEN-!! I-IF YOU HAD REALLY-!! I-I NEVER WOULD HAVE FORGIVEN MYSELF!!” She began sobbing and shaking harder, “Y-YOU SCARED ME!! I-I-I THOUGHT YOU WERE-!!”

Chris pushed past his pain and hugged his little sister with a slight wince, “Sorry, Evelyn…”

She hugged back, “Eve is fine. It’s what my friends call me.”

Sonic smiled at the display, his heart overflowing with happiness seeing the growing bond between these two siblings. While at their side for support, he took care not to disturb such a special moment for them.

Eve was the first to pull back, looking over his injuries with concern, “Y-You’re really hurt because of me. I’m so…I’m so sorry.”

Chris winced again as he shifted his position slightly, “Y-Yeah…they got me pretty good, huh?” He laughed before smiling, “I finally did it though! I stood up to them! From now on, nobody bullies my little sister and gets away with it!” He ruffled Eve’s messy hair slightly in his own, unique way, getting a small laugh from her.

“Wait, so Eggman wasn’t the one who beat you up?”

“Nah. He barely even left a scratch…apart from throwing me halfway across the city of course hehehe…”

Sonic breathed a sigh of relief. His rage and thirst for vengeance quelled knowing that Eggman hadn’t gone that far.

“Wow!! Sonic, right!?”

“You’re so awesome!! Can we have an autograph!!”

Eve shuddered, turning away with panicked eyes from the two bruised kids excitedly rushing Sonic for attention.

Chris decided to follow up Sonic’s question with a devious smirk, “Actually, I got beat up by the two bullies that have been harrassing my little sister for so long. When I confronted them, they called me all sorts of names before one of them punched me square in the face. I didn’t just take it though. I fought back. I even made sure to give that jerk a black eye. The other one only got away with a few bruises on the side of his face.”

Both kids’ eyes went wide in terror as the cool, blue hero paused, his ear twitching in response, “You know something, Chris…” He remained smiling, a more crazed look crossing his face as he cracked a few knuckles threateningly, “I never liked bullies.”

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WE’RESORRYWE’RESORRYWE’RESORRY…” The two of them bowed at the girl profusely while Sonic folded his arms with a satisfying huff. After a few moments of zany awkwardness and confusion between both parties, they ran off, promising to change their ways.

“And that takes care of that.” Sonic brushed his hands together as if to clear the dust from them.

“Eve!!”

“Oh my gosh!! Are you okay!!?”

“We were so worried!!”

Her new friends rushed her, Helen checking her over for any injuries while Danny and Francis sat down next to her for support.

Eve smiled, “I’m fine, everyone. Really.” She looked to her brother, “Thanks to Chris, that is.”

“Woah, Chris? Really?”

“Hmmm…I guess he’s alright now in my book. What do you think, Helen?”

The girl in question folded her arms, “...”

Eve smiled, her eyes sparkling expectantly.

Helen sighed, “Fine. If he’s really left those jerks behind, then I’ll accept him.”

“Yeah, good riddance to those-Wait, what am I getting accepted for?”

Eve hugged him excitedly, “To join our friend group, silly!”

“Welcome to the cool club, Chris!”

“One of us! One of us!”

While everyone was laughing and celebrating their new friend, Eve noticed Sonic had slipped away quietly from the scene, off on some other grand adventure to save the day. She smiled, her heart filled with warmth from the love and light he’d brought into her life in such a brief time. With her whole life ahead of her, she couldn’t even begin to imagine what other joys and changes he would bring into her world. All she knew was that she was happy, finally on her way to belonging in a world she’d never known.

Life never felt so free.

CHAPTER END

[doukeshi-kun]

Haiii ^-^☆ cute face annon (ִ•᷄‎ࡇ•᷅) here!!

I wanted to share some cute and not so cute hcs that I have of our muse (Nikolai) :3

I talked a lot about him with curly or wavy hair and hzoakabsks I'm crazy about this hc!!!!! I love it when artists draw him with his hair like this and not with straight licked hair full of straightening

Nikolai would definitely be MUSCULAR imagine him having a chiseled body but not that much but enough to have defined abs and booba (🤤) I also think his thighs also have some muscles too duuhh and i fantasize a lot about him having a big ass...

OH OH AND HE ALSO HAS SLIGHTLY SPLIT TEETH!!! IT MUST BE SO CUTE HIM LAUGHING AND SMILING LIKE AN INSANE MANIAC AND THEN HAS 2 TEETH SEPARATED IN FRONT SAYING 'HAIII >.<' AND AND THEY ARE HXISJSBAOA CUTIES !!! Obviously it wouldn't be something that separate, but just a little bit that doesn't harm our boy.

he also has several scars all over his body and I think that in addition to the scar on his eye he has a small one on his mouth.. and the skin on his face is smooth and soft, I think he would have some small acne scars and small pores near the nose, but nothing that is frightening !!!

the hairs that grow on his body are white like his hair and are slightly curly, but they are not thick and not in great quantity, he has a little on his arms and legs, on his chest and a happy trail that goes from his navel to his glock, but he always trims them, but they're a charm too...

idk why but i think he would wear lip gloss or mascara...

he came from a poor family but I don't think he had mommy/daddy issues, it was a happy family until something happened, obviously. I also think that everyone in his family is beautiful, mainly his mom, his mother must have such big tits...

i think it would be wrong for me to hcs that he is neurodivergent because some people might think i'm 'romanticizing' or something, but for me he definitely has adhd and something like borderline...

more hcs soon (＞。☆) ~

first, about the hair — yeah i agree his hair isn't fully straight. i mean, the man isn't straight himself so🤷🏻‍♀️ and i find messy hair suits him and men more bcs they look sexy ehe

i don't think nikolai is muscular as fuck like toji ehgehehs but he does have refined muscles. not too obvious and not too subtle. it's there and firm. but i think his upper body is smaller than his lower half. like man got thighs. MAN GOT DEM THIGHS. HE CLENCHES HIS BALLS WITH HIS THIGHS WHEN HE SITS

and his ass will look square. idk dude's asses always look square asf. we can do pythagoras theorem on their asses

i think he has sharp canine teeth too. would look cuter.

and i agree with the acne scars hsgdhshs maybe not too obvious bcs i believe nikolai likes to make sure he looks clean as much as possible. maybe the area around his right eye is cleaner than any of the part on his face because he tends to cover it with his eyepatch.

HAPPY TRAIL hsgshshdjs nikolai's happy trail makes everyone happy <3 and yeh i don't think he shaves his body hair 100% smooth. he just trims it. maybe braids it too if he's feeling goofy

i don't think he wears mascara. but lip balm and lip gloss is likely. i think he likes the taste of flavoured lip gloss and sometimes he unconsciously licks his lips when he wears it (no i am NOT projecting😤)

he doesn't look like someone who has mommy/daddy issues, yeah. i do think he comes from poor family or at least, a family with unfortunate situation. i am not sure if his family is loving, but it's a nice possibility! not every morally grey character needs tragic family to justify their action and i think it will be beautiful regardless to his character if it's revealed that he suddenly feels living is brainwashing and decides to murder people to prove himself

and idk bout his mom uh you do you ig

i'm not sure he's neurodivergent. i don't wanna say something about the topic bcs i am not neurodivergent (or maybe i am idfk bro i don't go to doctors, i believe in warm lemon tea and ointment oil to cure flu so)

[asumofwords]

Bitter tea LET'S GOOOO 👀⁉️

And just when I thought aemond would stop seeing alys even when he visits harrenhal for other stuff he goes right back to her! I wonder if he will do anything once he realises that alys is getting in the way of the reader (fakely) loving him (cause I remember he was all simpy like 'i won't let anyone get in between us' in earlier chapters), like the reader can twist and manipulate threads into the situation seeming that way 😳

Honestly I believe aemond would've discarded her if she wasn't a witch, he's there for that extra futuristic reassurance from her (prophecies and all) and also mommy issues! I hate alys for the main reason that she gives aemond pleasure, he deserves NONE, he only deserves pain❗but the reader is suffering ugh, at this point I volunteer to be the reader's paramour (self-love???? LMFAO me x myself), I literally would simp for alys if she makes aemond suffer 🥺

Also the poor reader feeling like she's a whore made me feel so bad for her, she did something she would never do just to sway him towards her, only for aemond to jump back to square one, it's gonna be trial and error but I hope she doesn't back down! Gotta milk the fuck out of aemond cause he's such a powerful pawn rn.

Also I was going to write at the beginning of the chapter about how you should make the reader and aemond do the deed in the 69 position next chapter cause it will be chapter 69 (I KNOW THE JOKE IS CHILDISH BUT IT'S SO SILLY😭😭) but then the ending 😨😨

why do all of my asks get long bro, I'm so sorry 😭

I love these long ass asks like you wouldn’t believe !!! 😂

Aegon is definitely sending Aemond to Harrenhal for no reason but to start drama between reader and cyclops 🤪😂 Aegon you messy bitch!

If reader continued with the path she’s going on she could get Aemond to do anything for her. This man is a Grade A Simp. Man is obsessive, protective and jealous, what more could we need ?

Alys giving Aemond the mummy reassurance that he so desperately needs makes me giggle 😭 like he clearly has a mummy kink… and I kinda wanna write a chapter on it LMAO 😭💀

Chapter 69 lmao 😂😭

[fratboykate]

Me: Ohhh Papi posted a new thing, let's read it

I see that they are playing at cold war, noice, wait, Yelena is the one caving???? *Grabs popcorn* omg!!!!! Yelena calls and Kate acts like an ass Me: damn girl, you still hurt? Bitch, she is trying, did your nascar wordvomiting brain crash? This is what you wanted, her, trying cuts to her birthday in london Me: can't focus the entire conversation thinking Kate is gonna get shanked or robbed, or both and swearing to santa Cher that this is how the are "getting back together" cut to the video call scene: awnnn, they are talking, this is nice, look, Yelena took her shirt out! Wait, Yelen,-???? GIRL COVER YOURS- KATE NO YOU TOO TALK FEELINGS. Me after I overcome my prude instincts: well, guess Papi caved and is giving the gays everything they want, pain and porn Suze busts inside: Now come on, this is like blue balling twice in the same minute! Is this a crime? Cause it should!!! As Yelena screams in her pillow, so do I, but at my phone

Kate calls Yelena, and they are in the same city!!! This is it fam, she is going for the grand gesture, there will be flowers, apologies, sweet lady kisses as my dear Santana would say, look, Yelena is giving her a gift, one that is thoughful, and that also would nudge Kate to be closer to her, how sweet! See Kate, she is commited, she wants you in her life, it's sweet, im a kinda cunning way, but sweet still. Wait, you still hung up on that train? Girl, now you are unburying fuvk if this word dosen't exist, you are bringing up shit from your past, your mommy issues? Who is your therapist? Bitch, fire them, you need a better one, fuck, hire me my dude, you need to work on your issues, wait, you just gonna leave like that????? LOOK AT HER, SHE IS SAD? Fuck being you therapist, now I am your oponnent bro, square up, say goodbye to your kneecaps beanpole-

Me: okay, let's take a breather, this is it, now come the rainbow, ohhhh Yelena is in New York, aw honey, you shouldn't have done it, there is so little time left, wait,oh, she figured it out how to make it work... How could I have ever doubted her? See Kate, she wants to make it work, now you have too, bitch where are you going? What the fuck are you doing? Dude, is this like, one of your issues, one where you think you don't deserve nice things so you sabotage yourself? God fucking damn it Toyota, look at her, she moved back, she worked it all by herself so she could have a lige with you!!! She even rented a damn cab, just cross the damn line, work it with her, okay, you don't have to do it now, just appear the day she asked you too, it isn't too hard

Kate dosen't show up: loud string of curses, I went from sad to mad and this isn't even a real thing but god, I wish she was shanked now, damn idiot, utter fool, you are lucky SHE didn't divorce you, mula teimosa da peste

Well, I am exausted dude, this shit felt so real, it drained all my energy, like, I could see myself in Kate, giving up on my relationship with someone I love,but we all know there is a point when love isn't enough anymore, so you kinda drown, and you start fucking up, things start to rot a bit, and if you don't take care, there won't be nothing left, you brought some shit from deep inside here my dude, I am actually sad, and angry, honestly? Congrats it has been a while since something got me so worked up, enought that I write about it, this was utterly amazing, thank you for sharing

HAHAHAHAHAHA this was a masterpiece. I love a good play by play. Thank you.

[calypsoff2]

Seven. Part 2

Watching TJ walk off to go on my jet, oh that wasn’t what I thought was going to happen. I am stood with my mouth hung open in shock, TJ did a u-turn and jogged back over as I am still stood here in utter shock to my core, am I allowing this asshole to be this way. I am only remaining calm for my man; I don’t think he understands that part. I am literally going to go crazy on this man, I am just going crazy “look, I am sorry. I don’t want this beef with you, you’re a sister to me Robyn. I have said things that I don’t mean but I feel attacked, you’re a big persona and I understand you feel like I have done bad by Chris, but I haven’t, I ride for your husband to the end. I love him so much; he has done so much for me, and I am blessed by that. I don’t want this between us because I know you have a lot of power over things” crossing my arms across my chest “what did you come back? To just say that to me?” I am confused “because I feel bad, but I feel like you got beef with me. I have always supported Chris, even with Barry. It’s me that was there for Chris, always. I know how much he loves you, from jump” I need to show him how a real bitch is “didn’t you call me forehead in school? Or was I dreaming that? Didn’t you want me to not be around, you always made jokes about me. You went out of your way to make Chris not see it for me in school. I remember it but I let it go, you were nasty to me. Now you’re the same niggas lusting over me, I suggest you apologise. And you do it in front of Chris. While on the jet I am paying for, got it?” Looking down at him, I am like squaring up to him, but he has angered me a lot. I did like TJ but now he’s being a dick for no reason, he didn’t need to be like this “your husband just came out of hospital and you’re stressing him out? Your lifestyle ruined Barry, and Chris lost him. Still, Chris misses him and you making him do that again? It always makes me think that my friend has any balls, but he just leaves them in your hands, maybe I was right about you then. I am here trying to apologise, and you can’t even accept that. Mel is such a good person to live in your shadow, I know your vibe. Pretty girls are the worst, light skinned ones actually. I don’t really see how you both worked, I don’t get it because my friend, my Chris. He was the boss, and his ego would have overpowered yours, you broke that down. You sat there looking at me like shit; you had no right when I did nothing wrong Chris chose to give me that, we have that bond. We boys, he can speak to me about a lot, I don’t know about you miss busy” oh I want to punch him “can we just get on, sorry” balling my fist up “what is going on here” Jen said, I want to kill him, I really do.

I just felt like I was in school there, I had a major flashback to when I was at school. I didn’t have a good time at school in general, the only time I did have a good time was when Chris was there for me, just honestly it was Chris that made my school life bearable, but it was short lived, and he honestly is a good guy with shit people around him. He was always kind of talked out of being with me, friend wise and he always said it’s because you’re pretty that is why “earth calling Robyn?” Jen said, bringing me back to the fact I am stood in the middle of the hanger, and everyone is on the jet “what happened?” She said again, looking at the jet “just, I.” I paused saying “I don’t know what to do” I openly admitted “about what?” Jen is confused, she doesn’t know what has happened and I don’t blame her “I think we should go on the jet, we can talk then” Jen’ face softened “hey, oh my god. Why are you sad” waving her off “don’t” I said, I don’t need to be crying right at this moment. Suck it up Robyn, Jen held my hand as we made our way to the jet. I don’t want to hold the jet back now, but TJ and I really don’t speak like that anyways. I keep him there and I am here, I don’t agree with Chris paying for him all the time so I just stayed away from the situation and stuck to what I need to do but it’s too much and this really hit home, Camron is not my son and I feel like he’s making jibes at me thinking Camron is owed a life and owed to be in my family because I can’t give Chris that, I am sick “sorry girls” I held the jet up, Rylee looks unimpressed “mommy I want to sit next to daddy, or you are?” Rylee asked, shaking my head “I need to speak to auntie Jen, I’ll be in the back ok. You can sit there” making my way to the back “but Camron is there” I let out a deep sigh, of course he is there “then sit with Tianna, she is watching YouTube” I don’t have the patience to say anything right at this moment, I am just going to snap if I speak on it.

Jen turned to me “speak, what was that all about? All I heard was about having balls and the conversation seemed really deep into it?” I am of course going to tell Jen, that is my best friend, and I will always confide in her “we have the time, so Chris and TJ are friends, you know the whole background on that. They came up together that whole story thing, Chris gave TJ his clothing line to handle which I have no issues with, then move on a few years. Seiko, now this is Chris’ ex that loved him a lot, maybe still does love Chris but she actually got pregnant by TJ to piss Chris off now that shit popped off bad, I remember when it happened. Chris was hurt by it, it’s a bro code thing but it was over with, all forgiven so like we moved on. Seiko was neglecting Camron, I felt bad to hear that. She was using the child maintenance on not so good things but come to think of it, TJ never put them in a nice home. He paid and that’s it, Chris came to me and said I am upset, that is nephew. He comes here and has a good time but goes back to shit, school has been saying he doesn’t go and stuff. So I gave my lawyer, they won the case. Me, I did that, but Chris was happy. Don’t forget Chris has given the business to him, keep that in mind. Now we did this case, my lawyer, my bill. I didn’t get a thanks, no. It was Chris, he said a thanks, but I have other shit going on anyways so it’s whatever. Then Chris tells me oh TJ is living in the apartment complex just down the road, ten minutes away. Oh right ok, oh I erm just helped him to get it. He needs the help; Black Pyramid is behind. I said right, then help him silent partner. So TJ started to sell tees where it had Chris’ face and designs on, they sold out quick and he promoted it, I go Chris is he paying you back, oh yeah yeah. He didn’t, then Chris comes and says Camron is amazing at Basketball, you know people” Jen gasped pointing “you called me to say about the academy, it was for him?” Jen said, nodding my head “mommy I want juice” I was so deep in the conversation “Imani, please go to daddy. Ask him” I want to finish this conversation off.

Nodding my head “it was for him, I helped him. Got him into it, Chris thanked me. And this situation happened because Chris went to the Fenty Christmas party with TJ and Camron, Mel was there. He gave the SUV to them to go home, Mel was unwell apparently. I say that because Mel didn’t say that to me, she said they went out for some food. They went out in that SUV all around New York, knowing Chris needed that SUV, it was his. He got in the Uber because of them, Mel was literally is being shady as fuck about this. But anyways, so deep inside I am fucking angry. I am giving sly looks, TJ caught on. Because why is my husband putting himself out there for a child not his? So TJ pulled me to the side and said you been looking at me crazy, it’s not nice. I said it to him what it is, you are using my man, that is your child. He started speaking on me, he said maybe if you gave him that son” my voice broke “maybe if you give him what he wants maybe he won’t do that, he just started poking at it knowing I lost the baby. Then out there he mentioned it, like sorry I said what I said but me and Chris are close we speak on things. If you give him that, like pressurising me for this” Jen shushed me because my voice is now becoming even more strained “say something?” Jen said “he mentioned I broke their relationship, then leave my husband with no friends. He adores him Jen” her face softened “but you’re his wife” she retorted “and maybe I should have stayed in my place, I shouldn’t have gave him looks, you know” I sniffled “I get it but he has no right to speak on your body, you have lost two babies. That is some nasty ass shit to say, I want to knock his fucking block off” I laughed a little “he wasn’t always a fan of us to be honest, I kind of got in the way in school. It’s just like the same vibe, I kept out of the way, I have been too busy for this shit. Now I am home and here, I see it. I just left it alone, I did” wiping my tears, Jen’ eyes widened looking behind me. Looking to the side of me Chris is just hovering over me. I feel like I got caught “what is happening here?” wiping my tears “we are just having lady talk now Chris, come on” Chris frowned “my wife is crying, why? Robyn why are you crying” now I am panicking because I just don’t want to do this, I am here trying to open up to Jen “Robyn, hey. Talk to me” I can’t, getting up from the seat. He is making me want to cry more “What happened Jen? Robyn” making my way to the toilet, I am not really wanting to speak to Chris.

Chris is stubborn, he won’t leave me until he knows I am ok and he will keep asking and asking and he will wait outside this door until I come out. Taking in a deep breath opening the door “seriously?” Chris stared at me unimpressed with how long I took “what is it? I am ok, Jen and I was just speaking on things. I cried happy tears, you know how it is when I speak on my dad” Chris is searching my eyes, he is wanting to know the truth “yeah but you been like that at the hospital, also what was you speaking about to TJ? You been really odd since then actually” clearing my throat “we just spoke on things, that is all. Look I am just having a talk with Jen ok? It’s fine” he is not believing me, but he will have too “ok” he touched my shoulder and then placing his hand on my cheek “I got you” he breathed out, he is annoyed like he lowkey doesn’t believe me either “I will sit down then, I got an eye on you though Robyn” Chris turned walking off “on god” he said, Jen smiled at me awkwardly, I didn’t think Chris was watching me like that actually. Making my way back to the seat “Chris kept asking what I said, what happened. Why is she crying, what did I say. Anyways back to the part where I murder him” I breathed out laughing “not that now, I just think I don’t want Chris to lose another friend in this. I feel like Chris is saying something to him for him to be saying this, Chris must be speaking on this a lot, you know?” Jen nodded her head “they all talk, these men do. But he has no right to repeat it, he has no right to speak on your fertility. Same with Chris, it’s tiring for you Robyn. You are working so hard, I have two boys and dealing with this. You have three girls and dealing with being the face of the company, my ass can skype a meeting, you are literally the face of it, here and there. You both still have time, things will calm down, but he has no right. I want to hit him” Jen will do that for me, I love her.

I have caught Chris twice look over at me to check if I am ok, I adore him a lot “am I weak Jen? Be truthful with me?” looking over at her “erm, pre mommy Robyn I think you would be ripping his ass, but I think you are more thinking of the bigger picture, you see that this weasel is close friends with Chris. School years too, you’re stuck between telling Chris or just keeping it to yourself, but I would mention to Chris that you want that boy to not be paid for, he has nothing to do with you. That has to stop, that is your empire, your money. That ends, he may dislike it but then you take it from there. You will see his true colours, meaning TJ. If he kicks off then it will be about the money” nodding my head “he keeps throwing that Chris pushes to have it, but as a man he can say no too” I added “exactly but always remember this, you have the power to destroy that friendship and I think he hates it. He is envious of that; I think he is. I understand what you are doing but don’t ever let that weasel think he has one over you, because he doesn’t. You will pounce when it’s good and ready, but I would reign it in. Say to him that stops, then we will see TJ’ true intentions, let’s see. If he doesn’t kick off and he does it then maybe he was right in a way but do that” nodding my head, he is a bastard and I will expose him, or shall I say he will expose himself.

[catypus]

𝚑𝚊𝚒𝚔𝚢𝚞𝚞 𝚋𝚘𝚢𝚜 𝚊𝚜 𝚛𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚘𝚖 𝚜𝚘𝚗𝚐 𝚕𝚢𝚛𝚒𝚌𝚜

by: raven ฅ•ω•ฅ

warnings: slight language

a | n : i can’t get this out of my head NOT me ignoring my essay like... i’m so sleepy and confused if i mean what they would say or if the lyrics describes them?? and my head do be full of barista!akaashi kyaa also there's a little extra bnha content <3 

© all content belongs to catypus 2020. do not modify or repost.

! requests are open !

𝔞𝔬𝔟𝔞 𝔧𝔬𝔥𝔰𝔞𝔦

hanamaki: i don't need a microwave

iwaizumi: why you always wanna run when i swing first? FAT mood

kunimi: dear diary, mood - apathetic

kyoutani: just a fe-ral an-i-mal

matsukawa: everybody hate condoms yeah condoms are just terrible dog  horse co

oikawa: listen the bottom line i’m better (i'm better) i'm better (i'm better) i'm better 

𝔣𝔲𝔨𝔲𝔯𝔬𝔡𝔞𝔫𝔦

akaashi: let me go, let me go, when can i go home?

bokuto: everybody needs water everybody needs food

𝔨𝔞𝔯𝔞𝔰𝔲𝔫𝔬

asahi: and it doesn't help that I couldn't get my hair to do that flippy thing either

daichi: i’ve never thought myself as the type of father who has to drug test his kids

hinata: ROOOOOOAAR

kageyama: no milk today my love is gone away

suga: satan gave me a taco and it made me really sick

tsukishima: hope you hang yourself with your h&m scarf

yamaguchi: can't 2 or 4 dudes make out with each other without being gay?

noya: who let the dogs out

tanaka: who who who who who (these two come in a pair you just can’t)

𝔫𝔢𝔨𝔬𝔪𝔞

fukunaga: get that bread then leave, peace out

kenma: screw x-box i play old school nintendo | i cannot fuckin’ help it bro these cat girls always fall for me

kuroo: wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, wet, h2o

lev: short people got no reason to live | they got little baby legs and they stand so low you got to pick 'em up just to say hello

yaku: i'm gonna shoot somebody, you lev

yamamoto: come and catch these hands, boy

𝔰𝔥𝔦𝔯𝔞𝔱𝔬𝔯𝔦𝔷𝔞𝔴𝔞

goshiki: hope it's only ah, a yeast infection

semi: all of them bitches shirabu ain't better than me | they'll always tryna keep me on the sidelines

ushijima: playin' with the chicken, you gon' meet all the llamas | ain’t no daddy issues then i won’t even bother

tendou: i wanna be your dog i wanna break your heart... | hush now baby don't you stress i'm gonna fill you mommy complex

𝔦𝔫𝔞𝔯𝔦𝔷𝔞𝔨𝔦

atsumu: choke me like you hate me but you love me

osamu: i’m just chilling making rice balls everyday

kita: well i’ll get straight to the point i found marijuana in the house 

suna: i need money, i need weed, i need drank periodt

𝔧𝔬𝔥𝔷𝔢𝔫𝔧𝔦

terushima: i feel like there's no such thing as a relationship with condoms

𝔦𝔱𝔞𝔠𝔥𝔦𝔶𝔞𝔪𝔞

sakusa: tonight we'll breakout the bug spray too | i'm a germaphobe, germaphobe

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*   ♡  𝔰𝔭𝔢𝔠𝔦𝔞𝔩 𝔱𝔦𝔫𝔶 𝔟𝔫𝔥𝔞 𝔰𝔢𝔠𝔱𝔦𝔬𝔫 ♡    *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

dabi: i am burnt out i smell of smoke

keigo: i love chicken nuggets, and i eat them everyday

overhaul: no no, don't touch me there this is my no-no square but he’ll kill you

todoroki: where I neglect endeavor does it mean I'm not clever? ASHDAJSD

[jotun-appologist]

Had started thinking in the shower cause like according to my Intermediate bio and bio-anthro professors in college so far and my honors bio and honors anat-phys teachers in highschool punnet square genetics is more or less universal for certain things.

But like

If my grandma is light skinned, blue eyed and ginger but her mother was your stereotypical like tan skinned, raven haired, dark brown eyed cherokee and my uber white dutch/irish great grandpa was ginger but not blue eyed, how the fuck

Like black is the dominant hair color gene I thought? And great grandma's parents were both dark haired. As far as we know she was at least 1/2 cherokee if not full, and have pics (cause grandma has started having memory issues and like, has some mommy issues still. Bpd runs through my maternal line so its kinda the pattern with us, but yeah she kinda ran away from home for a while and I guess had issues getting along with family.)

Then conversely, my maternal grandparents both have blue eyes (so did my grandpa who passed away that was moms stepfather but theyd been green before he had cataract surgery? Unrelated but still weird)

Papa has blue-green eyes, Nana's are brown but she's dads step mom. Grandma on that side passed when dad was young but her eyes look green in pics.

Dads eyes are green-amber-ish and moms are blue. Both of them are nasty as fuck. My moms younger sister and my baby bro Michael are both tan/darker, brown eyed, and have more brownish-auburn hair that's much darker, and look more like great grandma.

My bio teacher holds that my mom and grandma both have to have cheated or something.

But like I think there's more to it, like Genes being more complex than that.

Also I'm naturally much paper than literally everyone in my family. Not in like a "I'm goth and avoid the sun" way though that's true now. But like, when I was a child and outside a lot I was still always super pale. I've never tanned or anything and my freckles are kinda orangey and not really brown most of the time. And also I have sun sensitivity worse even than all the other redheads I know.

So like

Where'd I get that and what is it?

I am fucking confused.

But also if the genes that (sadly) skipped me (dark complexion and hair and eyes genes) are in the gene pool still does that mean my fiance and I (both pale freckled gingers as well with blue(me) and green(him) eyes,) could have a kid with darker (auburn/brown/black?) hair and brown eyes as well? (Cause I hope so honestly)

Like legit I want someone who knows genetics really well to answer this

[muchmoremarsh]

reasons why i headcanon him as trans:

-the hulk muscle thing, incredibly insistent that they were in fact MUSCLES

-insecure about his masculinity and feels like he has to prove it a lot of the time

-being bullied by being called ‘nancy’ (probably his birth name) and disliking it a LOT

- short

- ALWAYS wearing layers, mostly in earlier seasons. a t shirt, hoodie and jacket??? gotta hide that dysphoria bro

- additionally

- “if all men were like me, the human race couldn’t survive” i know this is also referencing the fact that he is a huge nerd and awkward bastard but like.....👀

- Mommy Issues™️ (probably just a me thing tho but Hey Ho)

- used to have long hair

- boxers are Trans Man culture, they square your body type out while not being too tight or too big

in conclusion

leonard hofstadter is a trans man

fuck you

[lettersforyoulettersforme]

Post 1

July 15, 2017

Here it is! The first of a series of daily posts that I’ll be doing for 30 whole days. Inspired by my lovely friend Matt Ross’ blog on his website. Just as a way to check in with myself and hold myself accountable. I journal a fair amount, usually every day or at least 3-4 times a week. But this will be different. I’m going to be writing about various themes or ideas… I’m giving myself prompts and seeing where it goes. A big part of this is going to be letting go of expectations that I may have. I don’t need to create anything worthwhile or gorgeous or earth shattering. I want to write and let myself think out loud.

So with that in mind, I’m going to be talking a little bit about “sangha,” the Buddhist term for community. I’m stealing this idea from Matt’s blog but I figured it was a great place to start. Because community is something that I have always tried hard to create for myself. And I’m someone who has always existed in various communities, having multiple friend groups or jobs or volunteer activities, etc. This August, it will be two years since I have moved to Washington, DC. It feels like much more than 2 years. I’ve had a series of romantic relationships here, held a job for the longest period of time, started graduate school, become financially independent from my parents, gotten significantly closer with my sister who lives here, fell in love, moved into 2 different apartments, and met a shit ton of new people. Most of those people are from work but some are from volunteering experiences or from my grad school classes. One of them is my boyfriend and then some of them are my boyfriend’s co-workers who I adore. These various people shape my community and help me feel at home.

Speaking of home, Hayley is coming to visit for the weekend!! I’m so happy that she’ll be here in like 2 hours and we’ll have days and days to just hang the fuck out and chill and catch up. I remember when I first moved here, I was living in a studio apartment that I found on Craigslist. It was completely furnished and it just didn’t quite feel like it was mine. I stepped off the plane from Greece and I was in NYC for 2 days before I took the train to DC. And then that was that, I was here and it was a whirlwind. I had two job interviews and I learned how to take the bus to and fro and that was that. I wasn’t exactly settled, but it was my home. I loved having the space to myself but living in a 400 square foot box filled with some stranger’s stuff isn’t the warmest welcome. Hayley and I would FaceTime for literally hours at a time. I was so lonely, I listened to podcasts constantly just to hear someone talking. I watched a lot of TV. I wasn’t depressed exactly, but I couldn’t run away to Greece any more and ignore my issues. I had just graduated from college and I was scared. I had a Bachelor of Music that I knew I wasn’t going to use and I felt stuck. A fresh start was the only thing that I had so I really tried to make the most of it. I met Isabella at my orientation for my waitressing job and she was truly my first friend here! I had my sister but I do love Isabella for introducing me to the vegan food DC has to offer and for making me feel like I had someone to call besides my little sister. Isabella is, in fact, my sister’s age. She was a sophomore in college when we met, so she had this youthful perspective that I loved. In hindsight, I think our friendship was so precious because she made me feel like I was still in college. But then it became glaringly obvious that I was NOT in college any longer and things began to clash and fray. But more on that later. Honestly, I’m so lucky to have met someone who I genuinely liked right off the bat. Every time I go to certain places here- Tryst, that Indian food place in Adams Morgan, Sticky Fingers- I think of Isabella and the gentle way in which she led me through DC. All of the long walks we took, the picnics in Rock Creek Park. She showed me how beautiful this city really and truly is when I just wanted to go any place other than NY.

And then there was Donald’s brother. Who was the only other person I knew when I moved here. If I am honest with myself right now, I really liked him. I didn’t move here for him, but I did really like him. And I wanted to date him. The sex was great and I thought that if we lived in the same city, we could have a chance to really get to know each other. I remember that he was in Iceland when I first arrived so I had several weeks to settle in before we actually met up. I think that I went to a movie with Dylan and his friends. Not a movie exactly but a series of short films? Which in hindsight is so artsy and I loved the movies. We went to Shake Shack afterwards and I remember thinking his friends were these bros and I just wanted to be alone with him. We decided to get a drink somewhere in Chinatown and it was readily apparent that we were gonna sleep together. It’s funny how important each and every detail was to me at the time because I barely even remember it now. I think we went back to my apartment? And I was so embarrassed because it was a shit hole and I had been to his beautiful palace of an apartment before. That’s just the thing, I was so embarrassed to be my imperfect self around Dylan. I could never just be myself and that was clearly problematic.

We dated/ hung out/ fucked/ whatever you wanna call it for close to 3 months. I tried my best to keep it casual, but it was hard. That’s not my style if I really like someone. And it’s hard to play it cool and be busy when you have so few friends haha. My therapist, someone I started seeing like a week after I moved here, hated him. She made no attempt to hide that. Karen, who I have since stopped seeing, was this mid to late 60 year old woman with GIANT tits who had a cane. It was a lot. Her sessions were a lot, she was super opinionated and taught me exactly how I don’t want to be as a therapist. She was pushy and judgy and yeah, it didn’t work out. It was hard because she’s a sweet lady and she meant well. But she was always telling me to wear a condom otherwise I would get AIDS (I swear to God). She never let me forget the one time that I was going to cook Dylan and I dinner. I had bought us nice steaks from Whole Foods and we were gonna cook at his home. He was running late from work and long story, I ended up waiting 3 hours outside of his apartment for him to get there. He was apologetic but I was beyond done. At least for the evening. I walked the 30 minute walk home and cooked myself one of those delicious filets. Dylan never got to experience my steak making skills but that is something that I learned here in DC: you should never have to wait for anyone else. And that steak is best prepared when broiled.

I feel like I’m straying away from my topic of community, so I’m gonna try to get back to that. And now I’m lost my train of thought… stupid Instagram feed.

I do spend a lot of time thinking about community. For so long it was the community of New York or NYU Steinhardt or Hayley, Josh, Donald and myself. Or just the community/ cradle of school to keep you safe from judging your current life situation. I didn’t realize how lost I would feel after college. I’m not as lost as some people I know- not to name names or compare- but I know it could be worse. I know that I’ve build myself a community here. I have a friend who I go to the farmers’ market with every Saturday and we go for long shady sidewalk walks and talk about work and ambition and sex. It’s wonderful and I feel like this adult who has something she didn’t have before. She has something that Mommy and Daddy didn’t give her, she sat at her pottery wheel and she made it herself. It’s wonky and wombly and sometimes ugly in certain lights, but I made it! And that’s how I feel about this community I have here in DC. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed with all of the plans I have with my friends and then sometimes I feel like I have no one and I love that. I just spent all of last night zoned out watching a new Netfflix show. I made myself pasta and I even made my own alfredo sauce. I took a luxurious shower and read my book. I woke up at 5 AM and I was startled and my light was still on. I got up to turn it off and I realized how at home I am here. I am my own community as well as the rings of people around me and I love knowing that. I never felt that in NYC. I tried hard to stand on my own but it was a laborious task. Here in DC, life moves in waves and it’s much easier to not be caught up in everything that is so superficial.

So yeah. Here’s to making the most from the city and the people around you. And to realizing that I am enough of my own community to bring a warm light and ceaseless joy anywhere I go.