#bro cannot be good ......... i must see LET ME SEE HIM... just a peep

[lycazart]

yeah i actually really do want a checkup on eddie after ep 4 of the penguin how is bro coping in there

[lumos-solemn]

Potty & Wheezy

Summary : Harry Potter has kissed Ginny Weasley, the sister of his best friend and when the rumors spread about Harry Potter kissing a Weasley, People couldn't help but wonder how did they not see that coming considering Harry Potter always hang out with Ronald Weasley. {Hinny}

Before your Read : This drabble is set in an alternate universe where Harry is just a normal teenage wizard who is friends with Ronald Weasley and Hermione Granger and is doing his sixth year at Hogwarts. He is neither the boy who loved nor the chosen one.

**********************************************

"Ha..Harrryy...!!", Ginny's hoarse voice ringed in Harry's ears as he trailed down her neck peppering soft kisses there.

"Hmm..", He hummed in response as he stood straight and caught her lips again before pulling her more into him if that was possible. Gosh, She missed her! With Ron hanging out with him all the time, They scarcely had some time to spent alone. All those quick pecks he received when he is alone for a second didn't do any good on him.

"Haa..rry..Stopp..", Ginny pulled away as Harry groaned. She looked at him and saw his eyes full of desire and felt guilty.

"I have to leave..!!", She spoke as if getting angry on herself.

"What? Why..?", He asked frustration clearly visible on his face but still holding her tightly in his arms. "Ron won't be back any time soon. And Hermione's in library."

"No..!!I have to study. Its O.W.L.S. Hermione has arranged a time table for me and I am supposed to see her right now!", She sighed.

Harry was really getting angry now. They scarcely spent time together since he asked her out during the first weeks of his 6th year. Since, James and Lily had to go for a secret mission, Harry spent most of his summer in the burrow and kind of developed an odd friendship with Ginny especially because of her Quidditch skills. Not that, they weren't friends before. But his feelings for her were entirely elder brotherly till that summer. He always saw her as his best friend's little sister. But as she started spenting more time with him by playing Quidditch, he couldn't help but notice how his heart beated faster when she is near or how he felt goosebumps when she smiles at him. After so many negotiations about considering his feelings, He finally found nerve to ask her out when they got an alone time.

"We hardly get to spent time together! You cannot do this when we finally find some time alone.", He tried to keep his anger in control not ready to ruin the moment.

"We would have if you just found the nerve to tell my stupid brother about us!", Ginny spat back. It was clear she was frustrated too. He wanted to tell Ron but he was afraid of risking their friendship.

"After seeing his reaction when you were dating Michael? I don't think so!", Harry spoke.

Ginny sighed, "Its different. Ron never liked him. But you! You are is best mate-"

"And how will he feel when he finds out his best mate has been snogging his sister all this while behind his back?", He asked.

"So you are never going to tell him that? We have to do this for our whole lifetime?", Ginny didn't even try to hide her anger. Harry knew Ginny's temper well enough to know that it is not to meddle with.

"No..No..I will..I will tell him tomorrow. Okay?", He asked softly and saw Ginny smiling at him too.

"Anyhow, I have to leave now Harry! Hermione must be waiting for me.", She spoke sadness definitely visible on her voice.

Harry nodded and she turned to give him one last kiss before leaving. The moment her lips touched his, Harry felt the world spinning. It was always like this. She can make him go wild just with a small kiss and he didn't complain.

"Potty and Wheezy...!!Ehhee..Kissie Kissie...!!", They jumped apart hearing the voice and found Peeves hovering above them with a smug expression.

"PEEVES...!!!!", Harry never felt more hatred towards Peeves than now. Why does everyone want to ruin his moment?

"Harry, I am leaving!", Ginny said and he saw her leave with a swish of her hair before adjusting her dress one last time. Harry let his shoulder fell and walked towards his common room. He saw Peeves zooming out muttering something which he didn't bother to listen. Ron wouldn't be back from his detention. And Hermione must be waiting for Ginny in the library. Sulking he approached the fat lady, "Balderdash!", He said and she swung open.

He walked into the room and saw, to his amusement, Hermione sitting on her usual spot with some parchments in her hand.

"Hermione?", Harry called her out and she looked up from the parchment. He was about to ask about Ginny when he suddenly remembered he shouldn't be so stopped himself and fell on the chair near her.

"Where have you been Harry?", She asked.

Harry looked at her, trying to find a convincing lie, "Huh..? Ahmm..Just taking a stroll. Nothing!", He tried to lie. Though she seemed not really satisfied, she asked, "Have you seen Ginny? I asked her to come so that so that we can study. Her O.W.L.S are nearing!",

"No..No..She must be in the library then if you asked her to come for studying!", He tried to sound innocent and it seemed Hermione took his suggestion.

"Right! Okay Harry. See you later.", She stood up taking the parchments and left.

Harry was sitting alone there. He saw some of his classmates and a few other students sitting there completing homework and chatting. Harry too took his essays thinking of completing it but nothing came into his mind except him kissing Ginny in a lone place with no one to disturb. So, He put away his essays and decided to go to bed though it is a little early. Also, he have to find a way to tell Ron about him the next day.

The sun was bright and Harry struggled to open his eyes as the sunlight peeped into the room. It is Sunday and they had no classes. Harry's hand travelled to his bedside table to find his glasses and put it on. He finally managed to sit straight and saw Ron already sitting looking like just woke up.

"Gummong..!", Harry muttered yawning and stretching himself.

"Good Morning!", Ron said back.

"How did the detention go?", He asked remembering the previous day.

"Couldn't be worse!", Ron said sulking.

"Why? What happened?"

"I had to arrange old stacks of files with Filch Harry! How can that possibly go fine?"

Harry fought back a grin seeing his expression and got out of the bed followed by Ron.

When they reached the great hall, There was a whole lot of murmuring. People were looking at them and was giggling. Ron and Harry exchanged some glances and shrugged not having any idea what was going on. They settled themselves on the Gryffindor table when they saw Hermione coming towards them. She finally took a seat beside Ron and smiled brightly at them.

"Is there any new matter going on?", She asked observing their surroundings and seeing people murmur about it.

Ron shrugged helping himself with some toast and Harry spoke, "No idea! It must be some really good one seeing People murmur like this."

Hermione nodded and then she looked again, "Harry! I think it has something to do with us. They are looking at us and giggling!", She pointed out and when Harry and Ron looked around, they couldn't help but feel a little conscious about themselves.

"Buthwatvedn", Ron spoke, his mouth full of food and when Hermione looked at him pointly, he gulped it hard and spoke, "But what have we done?"

"I don't know! There must be something!"

Harry saw Ginny moving past them and saw her giving him a mischievous smile which confused him more. He saw her taking a seat a little away from them and Luna accompanied her.

They saw Dean and Seamus coming to them with a smug expression and plopped themself beside them. "Congragulations..!!", They said looking at him and Ron and both gave a confused smile at them.

"I have always wondered this possiblity but was never sure!", Dean said and looked at Harry mischievously.

"We are so happy for you Bro! But try to keep things low, you know..we are sharing the dormitory too!", Seamus spoke sniggering.

Both Harry and Ron shared a look! Hermione looked between them and then her eyes suddenly widened as she clasped a hand to her mouth.

Harry looked at her, "What? What's going on?", He said looking at them.

"What do you mean to keep it low?", Ron asked following Harry.

"Harry? Ron? Is it..is it true?", Hermione asked them quietly choosing the words cautiously.

Harry was going frustrated, "What is true? What's going on?"

"You and Ron?", Hermione spoke after a while looking at him and Ron.

"Me and Harry what?", Ron asked who is clearly offended by People's behaviour.

"Uhm.....You..both.. dating?", Hermione asked.

It took some time for Harry and Ron to sink in what she was saying and the moment it did, Both broke into laughter much into the confusion of the other three.

"Me and Ron?", Harry asked in between laughter.

"Seriously?", Ron asked following him.

"Who put that idea into your head?", Harry asked.

"Some fifth year Ravenclaw told me. You guys were kissing yesterday!", Dean said and Harry who was drinking water splattered the whole water into his plate.

"What?", He asked looking at them.

"Well, I heard something like that when I was going to library last night. Peeves were shouting something like Potty and Wheezy kissie and all. I thought I misheard it then.", She said looking between them.

Harry had an idea what is going on and tried to find a convincing lie but his mind was blank.

"So you guys were not?", Seamus asked looking at them.

"No...!! Its rubbish. I was at detention with Filch yesterday. How can I kiss Harry?", Ron asked.

"So the whole students are thinking we both are a couple now?", Harry asked.

"Yeah, It seems so!", Dean shrugged.

"But..But why did you think like that? Me and Harry? Have you lot lost your senses?"

"Well, You cannot blame them for that!", Seamus said.

"What do you mean?", Harry asked.

"Hmm..You and Ron were best friends since first year. You both are always together. You won't let anyone say bad about each other. So...You know?", Dean shrugged!

"What? But Hermione's also always with us. Why did she not in this?", Ron asked.

"Who said she is not in there? You three are always a piece of gossip in this school, mate!", Seamus chuckled. "Its just that you guys don't know it!"

Harry and Ron looked at each other and then at Hermione who was thinking something so hard! "Hermione?", Ron called her out.

"Where are you?", Harry asked.

"Huh? Nothing..I was just wondering if Harry and Ron weren't kissing"- Ron snorted- "then Why would Peeves say like that?", She asked and Harry's face went white as ghost. This is it. There's no escape. Hermione will find out now and soon will Ron. He felt his throat damaged. Hermione looked at Harry and maybe seeing his face like that, her eyes widened and she clasped her hand to her mouth looking at him.

Ron looked between them and then suddenly his expression changed as if someone dropped a bomb on his head. Harry looked at Ron trying to make an apologetic face but Ron was sitting still.

"Ron?", Harry called out somehow managing to find his voice. Maybe sensing it, Ginny came towards them and sat beside Harry. Ron's eyes travelled from Harry to Ginny. Dean and Seamus, who only grasped the thing now, looked at them wide eyed. Through the corner of his eyes, Harry saw Hermione sitting shocked looking at him and Ginny, her hand still clutched over her mouth.

"Ron..?", Harry called him out once more hoping to receive at least a groan but he was still looking at them as if calculating something in his mind so hard.

"Oh..Come off it Ron. I am old enough to decide my boyfriends!", Ginny intervened fed up of the drama and that finally knocked some sense into him as he spoke, "Since when?", He asked looking at Harry. Hermione was looking with fear now.

"Start of the term..", Harry answered. "But I can explain! I tried to think of every possiblity in which I can stop myself from looking her in that way and there were many, one of it, she being your sister but I couldn't. I really like her. I was going to tell you this today. I had no idea this will turn this way!", Harry tried to explain.

"Ron, You can't possibly blame Harry or me. And also you can't find any problem with this. He is your best mate!", Ginny tried to reason.

"But I didn't say anything!", Ron said his lips slowly twitching into a smile. Harry looked at him confused but suddenly heard a loud gasp and saw Hermione has finally removed her hand from her mouth and is beaming gleefully.

"That's alright Mate..!I kind of saw this coming!! But not this soon though!", He smiled.

"What?", Ginny asked in disbelief. "So, You are not gonna point out the different scenarios in which this can turn bad?"

Ron looked at her incredulously, "No..Hey! Harry is my best mate! Why should I say those?"

"So why did you behave like that?", Harry asked not being able to contain his smile.

Ron smirked, "Nothing gives you more pleasure than taking the Mickey out of your friend!"

Harry laughed and turned to Hermione who was literally jumping out of her seat and he couldn't help but chuckle at her, "Ooh..This is so exciting..!!", She said as she hugged Ginny.

"Congrats Harry!", Seamus said followed by Dean.

"Gotta go! But must say, You and Ron would have made a great couple though!", Dean winked at them and left leaving Ron and Harry looking at each other before bursting into laughter.

"Ron, What did you mean you saw this coming?", Ginny asked in between and Harry too looked at Ron curiously.

"Well, For the starter, You couldn't take off your eyes off my sister due to which you received 2 bludgers back to back during our practice!", Ron said and Harry felt himself going red while the others laughed off.

"Aww...!", Ginny said before kissing Harry softly.

"Whoa..whoa..!!", Ron's voice broke them apart. "I am alright with this and all okay? But not before me!"

Harry chuckled as he raised his eyebrows enquiringly at him. "How will you feel if I kissed Hermione in front of you? Huh?", Ron asked making Hermione go pink.

"Well, I don't mind you kissing Hermione which I think you should've done long before but yeah, not before me!", Harry winked at both of them and stood up before running taking Ginny's hand leaving a stunned Ron and Hermione. Both determined not to look at each other!

[atomic-taco-muffin]

Kingdom High Chapter 3

Warnings: same as the other two

Rating: SFW

(lesbian panic)

Once upon a time...

In a faraway land...

“I am Raven Queen, daughter of the Evil Queen, and I pledge-uhm... I—” Raven said. Apple was waiting behind Raven excitedly.

“Come on! Do it!” she said. 

“I-huh...” Raven said. 

All eyes were on Raven as she faced the most important choice—

Really? You're gonna start there, at Legacy Day? 

You know, there's only really room for one narrator here.

Start at the beginning! Where the whole Rebel and Royal drama began!

Oh, fine! Gather round, friends, and let us tell you a story: the story of Ever After High, a high school for the teenage sons and daughters of the most famous fairy tale characters who ever lived. But this year was like no other for the students of Ever After High. Raven's Tale, the story of a Rebel.

It was the year of Legacy Day; a momentous event where the students pledge to all the magical world to follow the same paths as their fairy tale parents. 

Which they better do, or else!

I'm sorry, who's telling this story?! If you don't—

“Would you two stop fighting?!” Maddie asked as she stomped her foot.

“Peas and crackers,” she said. 

“Um, who are you talking to?” Raven asked. Maddie ran up to Raven.

“Why, the narrators! Oh, you can't hear them, Raven, only I can,” she said. 

“Okay...” Raven said. Maddie looked up and giggled.

“Can I talk now?” Raven asked. 

“Mhm!” Maddie said.

“It's just... Ah! I'm sick of everyone thinking I'm so ‘evil,’ because my mom was. It's not fair!” Raven sent her baggage to oblivion using her magic by accident. Maddie put her hand on Raven’s shoulder.

“No one thinks you're evil. Hehe, now you're just talking crazy! La-la-la!” she said. 

“Daughter of the Mad Hatter calls ME crazy?” Raven asked. She then sighed.

“Would you stop with the worry-flurry?” Maddie asked. The two of them walked up the steps.

“Everyone at school loves you!” Maddie said.

“It's Raven Queen! Run!” a pig said. 

“She. Is. Evil!” a prince said and a fountain sprayed at him.

“Run, everyone!” Lilly-Bo Peep said. Her sheep bleated in alarm. The students screamed and hid away.

“See? They love you!” Maddie said. Her watch sprung open.

“Yay,” she said. she flung off her watch her watch and set up a tea table.

“Tea time! Earl Grey!” she said. Earl Grey squeaked.

“Oh, you clever dormouse! Why, yes,” she said as she poured some tea into a cup.

“This is a new dress,” she said. It became lunch time and Raven sat alone in the castleteria.

And so, life for Raven was not easy; feeling alone and isolated.

As it should be. She is destined to be evil.

Couldn't go twenty seconds without talking, could you?

Dexter noticed Raven and approached her. He waved and started talking to her.

“Hey, Raven! Uh-You look gort... I mean great. I-I don't even know what gort is...” he said. 

“I'd offer you a seat, but I'm ‘evil.’ To sit here you'd have to be pretty—” Raven said. Daring and Apple entered the room and fans screamed for them.

“Daring?” Raven asked.

“Oooh, Daring!” a girl said.

“What? No, Raven, I'm Dex, Dexter Charming! Daring's my bro...” Dexter flinced.

“Ther. Oh, gort,” he said. 

“Raven, how's every enchanted thing?” Apple asked. 

“Apple White. Good to see ya. Hey, Daring!” Raven said. 

“I-uh I have to warn you: don't stare at the teeth. Just got them whitened,” Daring said. He flashed a smile in another direction and it had tanned the pigs. The bell soon rang.

“Oh-oh! There's the bell. Time for Good Kingdom Management,” Apple said. She waved a hand to Raven.

“Raven, what's your next class?” she asked. 

“Uh... History of Evil Spells?” Raven read.

“That is so perfect for you!” Apple chuckled. Cerise walked past them.

“Hey, Cerise, how's it going?” Daring asked. He smiled at her which caused her to drop her tray. She growled but then coughed afterwards.

“Oh uh, sorry, I-I have a cold!” she said and ran away.

“Free food!” a pig said.

That night, as Raven returned to her dorm, she found quite the surprise waiting for her. Raven knocked on the door, expecting Maddie to be inside.

“Hey! Maddie?” Raven asked as she lightly pushed open the door.

“Welcome home, roomie!” Apple said as she turned around.

“Huh, good one, Apple. I'm rooming with Maddie this year.”

“Not anymore! Since you're such an important part of my story; you poison me, I fall asleep...” Apple shook her head.

“The prince wakes you with a kiss blah-blah-blah, yada-yada I know! So?” Raven said. 

“So, I asked headmaster Grimm if we could live together! And he said yes,” Apple said while nodding her head.

“Isn't that enchanting?” she asked.

“Ugh... But-but...” Raven said.

“Oh-oh-oh! You are going to love rooming with me! I'm thoughtful, and beautiful, and I sing the most wonderful songs about woodland creatures.” She cleared her throat and started singing.

“🎵All the doves love to fly and the hares love to burrow!🎵” she sang. Raven was annoyed and she shooed the doves out.

“Move along, move along. Nothing to see here,” she said. One dove unexpectedly stayed and Raven stroked its chin.

“And, I already decorated your half of the room!” Apple clapped.

“Isn't it just the evilest? I knew you'd love it!” she said. 

“This is gonna be a looooong year,” Raven shrugged. She continued playing with the dove.

Which brings us to the rehearsals for the Legacy Day ceremony.

“So, when your magical key appears, you insert it gently into the Storybook of Legends, then stand, shoulders back, and declare your destiny to the world! Have I made myself clear?” Headmaster Grimm said.

“Headmaster Grimm, but what if...” Raven asked as she held up her finger.

“No questions? Good. Now, we're going to practice with this tiny Manual of Entirely Reasonable School Rules.” He cleared his throat and signaled the little pig to leave.

“I, Madeline Hatter, pledge to follow the destiny of dear old dad: The Maaaad Hatter of Wonderland! When do we drink the tea?” Maddie said. 

“Next!” Grimm said. 

“I'm Hunter Huntsman and I pledge to follow my destiny as the next huntsman. I'll swing my axe bravely and—” Hunter said. He looked in the audience and saw his pet squirrel, Pesky, blowing a rasberry.

“Really, Pesky? You wanna play that way?” Hunter asked. 

“Next!” Grimm said. 

“I'm-I'm Cedar Wood, and-uh I pledge to follow my destiny and be the next Pinocchio. Well, I mean, not the next Pinocchio... huh. I mean, actually, I can only tell the truth while I'm in school, but then one day, one day I'm gonna lie... Uh, but does that mean I'm gonna be like my dad... or not like my dad...” Cedar said. 

“Next!” Grimm said. Suddenly, some girls had arrived. 

“Um, excuse me! Are you Headmaster Grimm?” Akaya asked. 

“Yes, I am. Who might you be?” Grimm said. 

“My name is Akaya and these are my friends. This is Lisa, Liliana, Daicha, Hana (yes i’m adding my oc), Yui (and yes i’m adding yui from the lost princess series), Annna, Yami, Anju, Kurota, Ahmya, Kaji, Mizuki, Elena, Ena, Eimi, Hasumi Chika, Sakura, Aashni, Alina, Dawn, Chihiro, and Adreanna.”

“Ahh, you must be our new transfer students. Come, come. We’re just doing our Legacy Day Rehearsal.” Akaya and the others walked up to the podium. As the Royals were doing their pledge, Yui and Raven spoke with each other. 

“‘sup! I’m Yui. What’s your name?” Yui whispered. 

“I’m Raven. Are you a royal or a rebel?” Raven whispered back. 

“I’m a rebel.”

“Cool. Me too. Hope we get to know each other during this year.” 

“Next!” Grimm said. Yui walked up to the podium. 

“I am Yui. Daughter of Xemnas. And I pledge to become the next superior of Organization XIII. If I don’t do anything stupid that is,” she said. 

“Next!” Grimm said. Yui’s friends went next. 

“I'm Raven Queen and I pledge to follow my destiny as... um... I have a question!” Raven said. 

“What is it?” 

“I was just wondering, I mean, what if I don't want to take the pledge?” everyone gasped except for Yui and her friends. Apple’s mouth fell open and Daring shut it with the back of his hand.

“What? It's just a question!” Raven said. Headmaster Grimm walked sternly up to Raven. 

“And here's your answer. If you don't pledge your destiny, your story ceases to exist,” he said. 

“Ceases to exist? So then... What happens to me?” Raven asked. 

“You will cease to exist! Poof!” Raven stepped back. 

“Now, Raven, continue,” Grimm said. 

“But, Mr. Grimm...” 

“Poof-poof!” Raven flinched. 

“Ah!.. I have to go,” she said. Students were gasping as she left the podium. Yui watched her leave nervously.

“But the rules are... The rules!” Grimm said. 

In the Vault of Lost Tales, deep beneath the school, another was listening: Giles Grimm, the brother of the school's headmaster.

“The Raven flies. The clouds, they sing! But what should happen when the tide rolls in?” Giles said. Raven sighed and sat on a log out in the forest.

What will happen indeed.

That's it? That's where you're ending the story? I cannot wait until it is my turn to tell the story.

And why are you so against these kids choosing their own destiny?

~~~~

Yui and her friends were hanging out at her father's castle (don’t worry. I’m gonna make a list of all of the children of the characters). The girls were hanging out in the Gray Area, catching up on the latest gossip. Everything was fine until the ground started to shake. The girls all stood up and went to go see what was happening. They ran to a balcony and saw that a storm of darkness was approaching. The seven guardians daughters quickly went home while the others went to go help the Organization. 

“What should we do?” Yui asked Xemnas. 

“I’m not sure. But it seems like this darkness is stronger than we have ever faced,” Xemnas said. 

“We have to do something!” Dawn said. 

“Please, dad. Isn’t there anything we can do?” Yui asked. 

“I’m sorry. But we’ve lost,” Xemnas said. 

“Here it comes,” Xigbar warned. Everyone huddled close as the storm hit them, transporting them into a new and strange world. 

[palaugranetes]

🔵BLAUGRANETS🔴

31 OCTOBER 2020

JC: HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY BOY!!!!

JC: I wanted to be the first to wish you HBD!@Ansu

Sergiño: Happy Birthday Bro!💙❤ @Ansu

Frenkie: Feliz Cumple craquito!!

JC: The baby is all grown up😭😭😭😭😭

JC: I remember when he was that tiny baby face killer.. it feels like it was just yesterday!

Dembz: Because it was just yesterday fréro.😂😂😂

JC: *sniffles* they grow up so fast

Dembz: 😂😂😂

Riqui: Feliç aniversari nanu!! @Ansu

JC: Now he can officially officially win MOTM awards! Finally!

Pedri: Feliz Cumple hermano!❤❤

Francisco: Feliz aniversario @Ansu

Ansu: Let it go already!!

Iñaki: HBD little one! No so little anymore!

Arnau: Manito!!! Happy birthday!

Carlitos: 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉el niño se nos hace mayor! 18 already.. he was just a baby 2 minutes ago! Where did the time fly!

JC: Right?! I was just giving him piggyback rides like yesterday.

Ansu: 😒

JC: And now he is old enough to watch Deadpool

Ansu: 😒😒😒

Ansu: Can we please focus on the match today.. we have to do something good.

Frenkie: Ansu is right.

Dembz: Look at him already adulting.

Arnau: Please for the love of everything good.. win

Riqui: Yes please win.

Carlitos: You are included in Arnau's plea Ricard.

Riqui: Nope. I am not the one fucking up here. I have nothing to do with your crappy form..

Riqui: Might as well dress up as a ghost today since clearly Ronald Sr. sees me as one🖤

Carlitos: You don't know.. you might even start today.

Riqui: very much doubt it.

Pedri: Come on man, you might.

...........

Riqui: You were saying?

Ansu: 😐😐🙄🙄

Carlitos: Well that message aged like milk.

Frenkie: 🤦🏼‍♂️🤦🏼‍♂️

Riqui: Please do well.

Riqui: You have a commentator buddy today! @JC

JC: Fun!

Riqui: Watching them is fun? We haven't been fun to watch since 2016

JC: Sarcasm bro, do you speak it?

...........

Riqui: I miss Marc..

Riqui: I do feel bad for Neto though..

Riqui: Are you idiots even trying?!

JC: Bro how do you miss that.....

JC: What even!??!

Riqui: SHOOT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!

JC: Finally ANTOINE!!

Riqui: I mean it's about damn time..

Riqui: PACHECO WHAT DID YOU EAT TODAY?!

Riqui: So this is how you are going to play...

Riqui: Peep Frenks at CB though!

JC: What is happening!? Why are they doing this..

Riqui: Hell if I know Jan..

Riqui: Great.. this is just great.. We should have been relegated instead of the pericos.

...........

Carlitos: "Riqui: Great.. this is just great.. We should have been relegated instead of the pericos." How dare you!

Riqui: Play like them, get their fate.

Carlitos: Hey, do not include me in this either bro

Ansu: "JC: Bro how do you miss that....." 🙄🙄🙄 I don't know how that happened.

JC: It's alright kiddo.. it happens

Frenkie: I really have had about enough of this.

Riqui: Yeah well you are not the only one.

Francisco: It's not working

Arnau: I wonder which circle of hell watching us play it is...

Iñaki: all of them dude

1 NOVEMBER 2020

Ronald: I would like to officially say that we are a mess.

Riqui: You just realized that now?

Ronald: No but it is official now

Riqui: It has been official for years now.

Ronald: Show me the papers

Riqui: Youtube is literally right there.

Ansu: Guys I need Explanations please! SOS!

Carlitos: Yes?

Ansu: What does "And as our All Hallow's Eve baby celebrates his 18th lap around the sun, he shall be getting the perfect present. As for all his goons, beware." mean?

Carlitos: Man's gotta be so dramatic just say fudging Halloween!

Riqui: Ansu.. You might want to lock the doors.

JC: So there are benefits of being under 18.

JC: @Pedri you are so lucky.

Ronald: Don't include him in this narrative. He has not done anything wrong.

Francisco: Okay but why doesn't he just do it and get it over with already?

Francisco: I'm nervous and I am not even under any threat 😅

Carlitos: Because he is evil!

Iñaki: I literally never said a word to him why am I being threatened?

Riqui: You are an accessory.

Arnau: What is this all about? Who is he?

Riqui: Geri. We might have, sorta, kinda pissed him off.

Arnau: Good job. I salute both your bravery and your dumbassery.

Carlitos: Thanks.

Pedri: I feel bad for Iñaki though.

Arnau: Bet you he was standing next to rizos when he pissed Geri off

Pedri: 🤷🏻‍♀️

Carlitos: YOU JUST ASSUME IT IS ME!?

Arnau: Wasn't it?

Carlitos: OKAY IT WAS. BUT AT LEAST GIVE ME THE BENEFIT OF A DOUBT.

Arnau: I do not doubt it one bit. No benefit for you there bro.

Carlitos: @Riqui tell me again why he is here...

Arnau: 🤗

Dembz: @JC STOP TEXTING ME I AM TRYING TO IGNORE YOU!

Ansu: Trouble in Twin Town?

Dembz: He keeps texting me "🎲🎱🃏"

Dembz: WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?!

Ansu: Um.. 🤷🏿‍♂️

JC: Bro I am not texting you!?

Dembz: Yes you are. Stop the stupid messages!

JC: I LEGIT AM NOT. I haven't texted it in 2 weeks?!

Riqui: 👀

Dembz: Then how come your name keeps popping up on my damn phone!

Carlitos: How long have these texts been going on?

Dembz: 3 days!!

Carlitos: Have you left your phone unsupervised in these 3 days?

Dembz: Only when I shower after practice.

Carlitos: Rookie mistake.

Ronald: It's Gerard.

Ansu: 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

JC: SEE! He got me with Samu.

Dembz: I am getting tired of this shit!

Ronald: y'all made your bed, now you must lie in it.

Riqui: Wouldn't that defeat the purpose?

Ronald: Shut it. I was talking to Ous.

Carlitos: Bro just block him. Problem solved.

Arnau: That braincell is working wonders today! El Dia de los muertos resurrected it I see..

Carlitos: Go away.

Iñaki: I am just gonna talk to Geri and tell him I have nothing to do with this.

Riqui: DON'T YOU DARE. YOU DIE WITH THE REST OF US.

Pedri: But he did nothing!

Riqui: I don't care.

3 NOVEMBER 2020

Frenkie: HAPPY BIRTHDAY LITTLE BRO!!! @Sergiño 💙❤💙❤🧡🧡

Francisco: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! 🙌🏻💙❤

Ansu: Happy Birthday Golden Boy!!😏❤💙

Dembz: HBD BRO!! 🤜🏿🤙🏿💙💙💙

............

Arnau: Happy Birthday crack! @Sergiño 💙🤗

............

Riqui: Happy birthday bud!! To many more years! @Sergiño 🚀🍿💙💙

Ronald: Feliz Cumple mano!❤❤

............

Carlitos: Sergi said that the adults gc is very quiet now that Luis left.

Carlitos: He should have stayed there tbh

Carlitos: ALSO HAPPY BIRTHDAY crackazo!! @Sergiño ❤💙❤💙

Pedri: Happy Birthday!!!💙💙💙

Riqui: So you still have done nothing useful I see @Carlitos

Carlitos: I told you I have to be subtle!

Iñaki: How can you be subtle when Gerard already caught you!

Iñaki: Happy Bday @Sergiño!🙌🏻✌🏼🤗💙

Carlitos: I can..

Arnau: You already failed.

Frenkie: I say we give up trying to infiltrate the adults gc

Frenkie: I am already nervous enough for you guys.

JC: NEVER

Sergiño: THANK YOU GUYS!!!! MUCH LOVE ❤💙❤💙❤💙❤

Frenkie: You sit down!

Sergiño: What'd I do.. I literally just got here 😧

Frenkie: No no not you @Sergiño Hope you had a great day. I meant @JC

Sergiño: 😅

Sergiño: I did! Thank you!❤❤💙💙

4 NOVEMBER 2020

Ronald: Y'all really expect to win anything playing like this?😒

Ronald: Holy shit!!

..........

Ronald: GERARD!!!🙌🏻😂😂😂

Ronald: This is hilarious

Ronald: In my head we lost 2-5..

..........

Ansu: OMG I AM SAFE! 😳😳😳

Ansu: Geri just told me!

Riqui: Lies!

Ansu: "@Gerard🌳: You are safe now. No pranks for you. Tell the others they aren't that lucky."

Ronald: 😂😂😂😂😂

Arnau: Welcome back to the land of the living!

Carlitos: 😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒

JC: 😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑

Dembz: 😤😤

Iñaki: I'm happy for you😑😒😑❤I really am.

Ansu: The size of the gasp that came out of me. It scared my mom😂😅

Pedri: 😂

Frenkie: Amazing Ansu!

Frenkie: The rest of you.. not so much.

6 NOVEMBER 2020

Riqui: I tried to talk to Geri..

Arnau: 😂😂 I know. Oscar told me he brushed you off like last year's iphone

Carlitos: It went well.

Riqui: 😒

Arnau: Bring Oscar here it'll be fun

Riqui: 😒

Pedri: I am not even gonna ask

Francisco: I thought he was gonna step on him

Arnau: 😂

Riqui: 😒

Carlitos: Should not have cut your hair ijs. You look less like a child now. I would hit you.

Riqui: No one asked you hedgehair

Carlitos: Don't insult the curls.

Riqui: 😒

Carlitos: 😌😌

Carlitos: Just admit you failed too.

Riqui: No.

Ronald: You both did. Just accept your fate.

JC: NEVER.

JC: Guys.. How about we prank Geri first?

Ansu: Great idea...

JC: Thanks

Ansu: IF YOU WANT TO DIE.

JC: Come on. We can do it.

Pedri: Out

Francisco: me too

Sergiño: I just got here. No thanks

Arnau: I wanna see this. But just as an observer.

Arnau: You know, for science.

Ronald: Let the Hunger Games start.

Frenkie: 🤦🏼‍♂️🤦🏼‍♂️Oh boy

JC: @Dembz @Riqui @Carlitos @Iñaki?

Iñaki: I am trying to get out of the current state of regret. I could have easily moved.. A few steps further and I would have been safe.

JC: So no?

Iñaki: BIG NO

JC: 😒

JC: Okay.. 4 against 1 .. we can take him

Ronald: I cannot wait to film this disaster. 👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾

Arnau: I am so glad I'm here to witness this mess. 😌

Ansu: I am so glad I am out of this mess. 🙌🏿

[blackhakumen]

Mini Fanfic #454: Another Phantom Thieves GroupChat (Persona 5)

Ren: Morning my peeps.

Makoto: Good Morning everyone.

Ryuji: 'Sup.

Yusuke: Good Morning.

Futuba: Yo!

Haru: Hello.

Mona: Morning.

Ann: Good morning to you too, my beauties!~ How's our favorite married couple doing on this fine day?

Makoto: We're not married, Ann.

Ren: But back on the question at hand, I say we're both doing great. Especially my queen right beside me :)

Makoto: Yes. Well.... I'm doing a lot better now than I was yesterday actualy.

Haru: What do you mean by that? What happened?

Makoto: Nothing too serious. I went to the cemetery to visit my father.....

Haru: Oh my.....

Ann: Aww.....

Yusuke: Oh dear....

Futuba: :(

Ryuji: Damn.....That must've been pretty tough for you to go there, wasn't it?

Makoto: It was. In fact, I even expected to walk back home depressed......

Haru: Makoto.......

Makoto: But I am so glad that I was wrong, because Ren was right by my side that day and made everything better. He even took me to a nearby fair afterwards and won me a huge, stuff Buchimaru-kun plushie!

Makoto: Uploaded Buchimaru-kun!!!.jpg

Ann: Awwwwwwwwww!!~

Haru: It looks sooooo cute~

Futuba: And frickin' huge!

Makoto: I know, right?! It's soft, fluffy, and I love it!~

Ryuji: Man, you are literally doing everything to make the prez happy, huh bro?

Ren: Hell yeah I am, bro. Makoto's my Queen and I love her.

Ann: Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!~

Haru: So precious~

Ren: Uploaded AKissFromMyQueen.jpg

Yusuke: Beautiful.

Futuba: Oh barf.

Ann: Okay, Seriously! Are you sure you two aren't married yet?!!!

Makoto: Yes, Ann. I'm sure. We're just a couple who loves each other very much.

Ren: We also cuddle :D

Makoto: A lot apparently lol

Futuba: Honestly...... You two are too Adorkable for your own good.

Mona: Adorkable? What the heck does that mean?

Futuba: I'm glad you ask, Kitty-Bro.

Morgana: When will you ever stop calling me that?

Futuba: Never!! :D Now as what I was saying, Adorkable is a mixture between being cute and acting like complete dorks at the same time. Which is exactly what those two clowns on my left are right now!!

Makoto: You'll never gonna let us live this one down, are you?

Futuba: What do you think? >:)

Haru: Well, regardless, I'm really glad you're feeling much better now, Senpai. I know how difficult it could be to think about your father's passings sometimes..............

Ryuji: Haru, I'm starting to see a lot of ellipses on that sentence. You alright?

Ren: Yeah. Did something happened?

Haru: I'm okay, everyone. Really. I was just thinking a bit about a terrible dream I had last night. About my father.....

Makoto: Haru.....

Ann: Sweetheart.......

Futuba: :((

Haru: Please do not worry, everyone. I really am okay. In fact, I'm feeling so much better now that my precious little Knight is with me.

Futuba: "Precious Little Knight?" You're talking about Mona?

Mona: She is, actually. I was able help her get through the night.

Ryuji: For real?

Morgana: Yeah. I saw Haru crying on the kitchen table, so I decided to help out. I originally wanted to try making her coffee, but she was worried that I might hurt myself. So we talked instead.

Haru: And words cannot express how blessed and thankful I am of the talk Mona-Chan and I had last night. It really made my day so much better today :')

Ann: Awwww~

Ryuji: Well whaddya know? The cat does have a heart after all lol

Mona: Of course I have one, Skull. Haru was sad and I did everything I could to help her. Because she's important to me. Just like each and everyone of you here.

Futuba: :O

Ren: Mona, you really mean that?

Mona: Of course I do. We've been through a lot together that.....I already considered you all as family. I know it sounds weird to say, but it's the honest truth.....

Futuba: Okay. Haru, remind me to give this kitty some hugs and kisses the next time I see him please!

Ann: Yeah! Me too!

Haru: Why, of course. But I'm afraid you must wait your turn. Because I'm already giving him love right now!

Haru: Uploaded MeAndOurPreciousMona-Chan.jpg

Ann: My God! Can this day get any more precious?!!

Makoto: Given what's happening in this chat right now, I would say so, Ann lol.

Ren: I believe it. Also, look at us. We're already starting to act like a huge family, don'tcha think?

Yusuke: I believe so, my friend. It seems that our friendship and bond have gotten stronger to the point of that being the case.

Futuba: I agree! I see every last one of you as my actual family! Mona as Little Kitty-Bro, Ann and Haru as doting Big Sisters, Ryuji as a Big Bro, Inari as Inari, Sojiro as Coffee Dad, and Ren and Makoto as Older Siblings who just gotten themselves married.

Makoto: For the last time, Ren and I are not married!!

Ann: Well, shit, Makoto! You might as well be! The both of you are too cute together!!!

Ryuji: Plus, you guys are already acting like one. Soooooooooo......

Ren: That's cause we love each other very much. I mean, granted, I guess you could say that our love has gotten stronger to the point of having that assumption come up, but still.

Futuba: You knooow.........

Ann: What?

Ryuji: What is it?

Ren: Futubaaaaa.....Why am I seeing a giant ass smirk on your face, young lady?

Futuba: I meant to tell you guys about what happened last year.....

Makoto: Oh no......

Yusuke: About what, exactly?

Ren: Nonono.....

Futuba: About the time.....

Ren: Futuba Sakura, don't you dare!

Futuba: My so called "cool" big brother, Ren.....

Ren: I swear to literal Arsene!

Futuba: Had indefinitely...... Blurted out.....

Ren: Jesus Christ, Futuba! Stop!

Futuba: THAT HE WANTED TO MARRY MAKOTO ON SCHOOL THAT DAY!!! :DD

Ann: Oh.......My.........GAWWWWWWD!!!!!

Ryuji: LMFAO!! Holy Shit, Dude!! Seriously?!

Haru: Oh my goodness, that's absolutely wonderful!~

Mona: Congratulations?

Makoto: Yes. What Futuba is saying in this chat is the absolute truth. And now my boyfriend is laying down on my lap in complete, utter embarrassment as we speak. And yes, it's adorable.

Makoto: Uploaded MyPreciousEmbarrassedJoker.jpeg

Ren: Makoto, please.....

Makoto: Well, it's the honest truth, my dear. You are being adorable right now. Not that I have any problems with it, mind you ;)

Ren: Well, excuse me for having a little sister blurting out the most embarrassing moment if my life.....

Futuba: Hey, don't blame the messenger, big bro. I'm just stating out the facts.

Yusuke: The picture you showed us is somewhat exquisite and fascinating. Would you made if I borrow this as inspiration of my upcoming artwork?

Makoto: By all means, Yusuke lol. Just try not to go too extreme with it, okay?

Yusuke: I will try my best.

@keyenuta

@26shann

@miki-13

@albion-93

@cyber-wildcat

@princeoflions123

[naturaldisasterfanfiction]

33. Part 2

This is really like our very first outing as a family of three , Fenty hasn’t gone out, out like this so this is cute for us “I was thinking, we haven’t been on a date. Well you haven’t taken me on one” I groaned out “did you have to remember that” Robyn playfully hit my arm “we haven’t been out on a date or anything, am I lying!?” shaking my head “are you thinking of taking me out now baby?” pulling a face “mhmm, not exactly, I mean I should be a better husband shouldn’t I?” clearing my throat, I am wack “no, you don’t need to be better at anything. You’re honestly doing the best you can, you’re doing what you know best and Chris. What you did for me while giving birth can never amount to a date, also you stepped up. You made my dreams and wishes come true, so you haven’t done bad, you did the best and you made me a wife Chris. This was all a bad situation for us at first, but I cannot praise you more then I do Chris. I am every day understanding you and for you to do what you did, you truly love me” smiling at Robyn “it’s hard for you do things like that, commitment too huh” I chuckled “I always wanted to marry you Robyn, like we could have been on our forth baby. Shit is just wack for us you know, it’s just unfair on us. Now we are getting old, together of course but I ain’t going to let nobody fuck this up. It’s hard for people to accept that I have this, people love to see me as normal when I am not, but I appreciate they like to treat me as that, you know” Robyn placed her hand over mine “I think maybe we could have another, I mean I am not predicting anything because first of all I am getting old, don’t say I am not because I am. And to go through another natural birth, that scares me but then that will be your forth child” I shrugged “I have my love child and that means more then what you saying right now, I don’t know why you keep trying this and then get annoyed when I say that” Robyn dislikes when I say the shit which is true “I just think you need to see it as they are all your kids, we will work on this behaviour”  Robyn rested her head in my shoulder, can’t help how I feel because it’s legit.

The car came to a halt out side the place and I am confused on why and how “you got to be kidding me, how did they know this” how do the paparazzi even know that we was coming here, there is a few of them “fuck” this is our first outing and this “unless the venue said it to them, who else would” this is annoying “is there any other way to go inside? A back route?” I said to the driver, their cameras started flash against the car “cover the car seat” looking to the side of me “just put anything over it” I feel we are stranded here now, taking my jacket off and placing it over the car seat “the only way in is here sorry, this is the closest we can get you” this is no good “what do you want to do? Go somewhere else” Robyn has her head down “just let’s go through, there is like three of them. We can do it” I am actually very irritated “I have always done shit and never this” leaning forward and dragging the door open “I will be back” I am going to end up knocking one of these out, they started moving back as I got out of the car “get out of my face bro” closing the door shut, it’s so cold here. Walking to the second car “congratulations Chris on the daughter!” opening the door “Rajad, I need you to help me with this” I mean I don’t really speak to Rajad like that “I can help” Ronald said, nodding my head moving back.

I got Ronald and Rajad to walk Robyn in first, she didn’t want to go at first she was refusing to go because she didn’t want to leave Fenty “people are gathering aren’t they” Dennis said as he is recording “yeah, they created the commotion, it’s not cool you know. She is a new mother, just gave birth and they are there pushing and shit, I don’t fuck with that. We just wanted an easy time, just go in and leave, have some fun” Dennis opened the door for Noella “here” passing her Fenty’ baby bag “you will be in after? Robyn is concerned” nodding my head, the driver got out of the car “I can help you sir, walk with you” that is nice of him, Fenty is so quiet though. Moving my jacket a little and looking in, she is asleep with no worry in the world. If I remember right, unclick it from the side and it will detach from the base “bingo” it worked, Dennis got out of the car first. Oh they are getting excited but they can’t see anything, stepping out of the car with the car seat “oh my god Chris Brown” hearing someone easy, walking to the building with the driver walking with me, he is acting like my bodyguard “there you go sir” he held the door open as I entered.

Robyn looked so concerned “it’s ok, she is asleep still. Y’all snitched!?” I pointed at the guy that works here “no sir, I didn’t” he denied it “I mean we don’t have that policy here; we always have famous people here. Also it was booked under Noella, we aren’t to know who that is” so someone we know did “there is a snitch in this place” I am annoyed with that “follow me please” Robyn is ever so quiet “you good?” placing my arm around Robyn “yeah” pressing a kiss to her forehead, follow the worker to the room. Looks incredibly quiet here, looks secluded. I believe the guy telling us that he didn’t snitch, it looks too much of a inclusive place to be doing that “here” he held the door open for us, moving back away from Robyn walking into the private bowling place just for us, bar staff and servers here. This shit looks expensive, to just play bowling too. Lifting the car seat and placing it on the table, removing my jacket from it “she ain’t none the wiser, she just wants to sleep” I grinned, Fenty is just really not caring about what happened “beautiful mama” stroking her cheek, she flinched a little “thank god, I did think she would be crying but she seems quiet. Maybe she likes car journeys” nodding my head, I think she does.

Robyn is not joining in the bowling; she doesn’t want to do anything strenuous which I don’t blame her “I am on that ass!” I pointed at Noella “you see that name” I pointed at the board “you sure are doing badly, Robyn you need to tell him he is supposed to do better for Chrianna he doing the worst” Noella shouted laughing, she is not wrong, I am doing bad I don’t know why. Grabbing my phone from my pocket as it rang out, Stephan is calling me which has been a while “what’s up?” I answered “my nigga, what you saying? We in London, you want to meet with us. We been always been meaning to link and we always miss out” he said, he isn’t wrong we always doing something else “I am at firmdale hotel, if you come at the back there is a private bowling, come. Just you though” sitting next to Robyn “cool, cool. You with family? I can bring my little brother with me, just a quick link up and we gone” nodding my head “cool with me, call me when you’re here” disconnecting the call “who is that?” Robyn asked, she is feeding Fenty in the corner “I made a new friend, he seems cool. He contacted Ant at first, then I just give him my number and we been in contact still. We have been meaning to link up so why not now, you know” placing my phone on the table “what is up with you? You seem incredibly sad now, this is supposed to be fun?” I don’t get it, I don’t get why she is being sad “I know it’s my dad that has told the paparazzi to come, I am not stupid. The venue never did it, he did it. He is always trying some sly shit and I am just fed up” letting out an oh “I didn’t think that, man. That is wack. I am sorry, why did he do that? Or even think of doing that?” Robyn moved the milk bottle from Fenty, and her eyes opened, like she didn’t want it to end “he always sells shit about me, I want him to go. After this I want you to tell him to go, I can’t trust him being around my daughter and not sell her pictures” nodding my head, he wants me to do it, but I can’t just hide behind Robyn now “is that friend coming here?” Robyn asked “he is, just a quick link up, he seems ok” my daughter is fully awake but looks just like her momma, all annoyed at life.

Grabbing the bowling ball “uncle Chris, let me help you” shaking my head, no way in hell I would let this little girl ruin my game “I know your game, you want your mom to win and it’s team Chrianna so no ma’am” Majesty stood in front of me “that is cheating, Noella tell your spawn off” turning to her “Majesty, let uncle do it” looking back at Majesty, she stuck a tongue out at me and I did it back, who does this little girl think she is. Watching the ball hit all pins “yess!” I spat “woo, we in this game” peeping two guys walking over “I will be back” walking off to greet them “we out here cuz, my nigga breezy bro” Stephan got his hand out to me “how the fuck you get in here? You kill the workers” taking his hand and patting his back  as we greeted “you know me, they heard me and they got scared, every nigga shorter then me” I laughed nodding in agreement “he said he was Chris Brown bodyguard and they believed him” his little brother said “you must be Shem, good meeting you” shaking his hand “you both really brothers, it’s little and large out here. You’re a giant” Stephan laughed hitting my shoulder “you and my bro are same size, skinny niggas stick together but it’s good meeting you” I didn’t think he was like this “I feel like my voice never really broke now, hearing you. Demon talk for real” shaking my head laughing “if you told me I would be meeting Chris Brown, I would be like nah fam, that is dreams but you good? We need to link up at a studio though” dapping Stephan “come, meet my wife” I pointed at Robyn “wife?” Stephan repeated “wife my nigga!?” he said again “ayo” he put his arm around me “wife, aye. You hear that” Stephan is funny “wow, the Rihanna. Pleasure to meet you” he moved away from me “nice to meet you” Stephan shook her hand “I respect you the utmost and don’t worry, I am going to look after Chris Breezy Brown, aye. You laughing, tell her we going to be good” he has such a deep laugh “oh Chris knows what is good for him” Stephan busted out laughing “nah, I am not like that. I was telling him he can come and see my family home too, I appreciate the friendship, and yeah. It’s a mutual thing, I respect his grind. The wife, you never mentioned wife!? What” Stephan is right I didn’t “look, I just hype. I am good” I like Stephan a lot.

Stephen ended up staying behind with us with his brother for some food, Robyn said but I think I know what Robyn is doing. She wants to see what he is like, but he is a good man “so tell me more about you” Robyn asked, “I find your voice very deep” placing my arm behind Robyn’ chair laughing “you find it sexy?” I said to Robyn “well if I met him before you then only god knows, I am joking by the way, but I am just asking. I would like to know the person Chris is getting to know” if Robyn dislikes him then she will more than likely make me get rid of him “so I actually reached out to his manager, I didn’t think anything of it, but I am a family man. I have no kids, but I am a hip hop artist here and I just wanted Breezy on a song, but it’s formed into a friendship which I appreciate. I have no reason to just start telling the world about shit, like this. This is actually my little brother, Chris asked me to just bring myself, but I couldn’t leave him behind. We just here to have fun and make friends and the whole nine” Stephan winked at Robyn “you are very interesting, I feel like you are going to show Chris the bad, I do not want him in another gang” Robyn said “oh wait, I wanted to be in OHB? I thought that was the deal” shaking my head at him “I get it, best behaviour Rihanna. I am still hype, I didn’t I would be meeting you here. But I totally understand why you are so whipped, my brother I get it. You do that” Stephan got his hand out as I dapped him “well clearly you’re just a stupid as Chris, I see the bond.

I mean am I shocked, no I am not. The paparazzi and fans waiting have grew bigger just waiting out there for us “stresses me out this” Robyn said, I mean now I know who did it, I am pissed off “let me walk you, I don’t mind it. Me and Shem can walk you” Stephan said to Robyn “it’s nothing to me, I mean your stardom to mine is bigger so come, I got you” dapping Stephan “go on then, I am watching from here. I will bring Fenty out” watching intently, Shem opened the door and they are vultures they came at the door already “back the fuck up” Shem said but he ain’t as big as Stephan “back the fuck up” I am sure he’s a gangbanger, well used to be “come on” they are both impressive, they are making them all move but I am angry, something just snapped in me. Turning around and I gripped Ronal’ jacket “Chris” Noella said “you did this, listen here old man. You did this shit to your own fucking daughter! You put my daughter and wife in danger for some fucking tip off! You stressed my wife out when it was supposed to be a good time, she was put off the whole day because of you. You don’t come to the home!” pushing him back against the wall “Ronald, are you fucking serious!?” Noella spat, I am annoyed with him and Robyn always lets him back in, she always does because she has a little heart.

Reaching over dapping Stephan “link up, no long thing next time. Nice meeting you miss Rihanna, take care” sitting back in the seat as he closed the door “he looks scary but he is so kind” that is good, that means Robyn approves of him, that is what I want to hear “its that voice but he is good people, he was inviting me to his family home but yeah, I am glad you approve. Oh by the way, I snapped on your dad, I didn’t hit him. I just told him to not come back to the home, the family is very angry with him, as they should be. I am sorry this ruined your mood” Robyn is looking so deflated “I don’t play when it comes to my daughter, I just didn’t want this. Maybe it’s me being overprotective with her. You know when you have longed for something so much, then you get it. You just want to protect her, that is me right now. I am just like please keep her privacy, I will murder anyone that say she should look like this, oh why does she have this. I think maybe let time go then maybe I will be less like this; she is my whole heart Chris. She is me, my black queen” smiling at Robyn “we need to have a black king too then, I think I have ran out of boys now, I bet I am going to get all girls. Which doesn’t bother me. My hairline is already going as it is” Robyn giggled, I am glad she can laugh at my hairline “you’re so stupid” hearing Robyn giggle, she is so happy and that alone makes me happy, I just want that for her.

[thecrenellations]

Return of the Thief Notes, Part Two: The Book of Pheris, Volume 2, Chapters 1-5

Notes from my first read, October 2020. (Part One | Part Three | TaT)

Contents: Me losing my mind in multiple ways each chapter, helpful links, nighttime garden cousins, an Irene pun, notes from my second read, “mwt is just like going for it,” and “this is so fucked up and heartwarming.”

Format: Page number. My thoughts (Context?)

Volume 2

Illustration

Book 2 bro

Now we’re caught up and changed forever by lots of things

What printer’s apprentice made this?

Elephants!

Chapter 1

175. me too, Costis, me too. I am so tired. (it’s hard to sleep when your brain and heart and everything are fizzing because you’re reading Return of the Thief for the first time and a new Queen’s Thief book for the last time) 

176. Klimun + Gerosthenes vibes [moon doodle]

Holes in documents. That’s cute

Gen!!! <3

Wtf Ansel was hoodwinked!

177. The Queen waited

They’re ridiculous

Hi Pheris

Wtf he stole her earrings for Melheret?!?

178. Excuse me??? What is this book (sleeveless leather tunic)

He still roams!!!

Tattoos!

179. a sentence I never fucking expected to read ever “The absence of tattoos…”

180. that’s interesting

Stacked like kindling wow oh dear

181. She wants him to move in lol

Lol sorry Ion

Did she just want them to leave the room?

182. I can’t with this… I can’t. Why is sex symbol Relius canon. (the play that featured him! It’s great, it’s great, it was just a lot to take in!)

Silver crown?

183. Cleon! Rude!

Did they call Costis to deck him?

Queen scene!! <3

184. This is an epic. Abt Costis. Dirty stranger

185. he’s “the high king”

Lol

187. prophet (Pheris sure makes Costis sound like one)

Shut up Piloxides

188. resources for war! (book launch foreshadowing part two! She talked a lot about this kind of thing as well, and recommended the book Alexander the Great and the Logistics of the Macedonian Army)

189. “we”

What were you gonna say (Gen almost says something to Costis part one)

193. RIP The Magus Archives … it was not to be. Yet.

194. Melenze’s doorstep. Why? Bc Melenze is Ferria’s dog. (idk dude that line from ACoK has just never left me)

195. This is … a big war

196. Oh gen

Nighttime garden cousins.

Chapter 2

197. wtf did Relius think of that play

Also … not a peep from the sacred mountain huh

198. wtf will happen with Cleon

with Erondites

with THE MOUNTAIN

a lot going on

everyone was in that room but Kamet! So close!

199. Cute Fordad + Gen friendship (I never said these notes would make me look smart)

Same 2 T + R! :) It’s not them is it? (I NEVER SAID THESE NOTES WOULD MAKE ME LOOK SMART)

Poor Teleus

200. gdi Gen

Excuse me? Is he worried for Pheris??? (taking his tablet)

They trust each other! C’mon!

Sure he has reasons

202. oh dear. :( that’s … the worst cover story

Also falling

203. wow almost like a story huh

Ula’s altar :(

Why haven’t we had a Gen and Costis scene IN THREE BOOKS

205. I just … I don’t know if he’s just miserable or if it’s all a plan. I feel like I should know it’s all a plan. But he really feels like he has far to go. He’s just a mess and the same and so different. (having a small Gen meltdown)

205. he did give him the gun

Odd that he missed Quedue

206. he’s gonna bite them (buckle up! it’s abdication time!)

207. Power. Power. Power. Power.

Thx 4 the editorializing Pheris

208. Gen is making choices. That’s a choice.

209. There’s KoA down the drain

Aaaand he’s Eugenides

“Eugenides stared into the future”

The page of like 3 different tumblr posts: Trophy husband, Library, No! yes!

210. make sure he doesn’t leave lol

211. Pheris :(

Also fucked up timing for Irene

I love them

212. again with the birthday book

He’s still the king in the narration

Go on the roof! So close!

213. EUGENIDES IS ALWAYS APPROPRIATE my motto

Viper! Bastard!

Oh shit. I love them.

214. “our treaty” “our queen”

AAAH! Wedding night!

Asked her to leave!

Smash Erondites and peace out, literally

215. a frank talk

HE SAID IT.

216. The Bructs?

Wait is this his grandfather (taking a moment to remember all about Susa)

Also that’s Costis territory

217. who is this lion

218. #3 to Gen.

219. hmmm ring

There’s been a lot to unpack wow.

Did this happen, Pheris? Pheris?! 

220. Atté atté!

(Dear reader: for some strange reason, I completely forgot about taking notes on the final pages of this chapter. These notes are from when I reread those pages a few minutes later.)

Erondites full cup to brimming

The Pherises…

We must think of others before ourselves … occasionally

I do not like Orutus

Don’t fence Costis in! Does this count as prison? No (I had a square on my bingo board for “someone ends up in prison” ... but it turned out to be for someone else)

221. damn Costis

Aaah

Costis …

Irene… your jokes (I mean, it’s a joke, but also it is very real for her.)

SHE SAID IT!

My heart

222. where is Relius going?

SPYING

What you see and what you think it means (I love these instructions/this quote so much)

So are Susa + Erondites 2gether or what (listen ... proximity generates meaning in these books)

Also, like

What can

I say

WHAT CAN I SAY (Hell yeah! Never more glad to be wrong about the magus)

[page long list of doubles and parallels - from Cleons and Pherises and Ions to god-character and character-character connections]

Also the fact that in KoA and TaT Relius was like … oh … no … I just live a gentle life being friends with my king and queen and being scholarly. But no. He’s SPYING and TRAVELING MYSTERIOUSLY and has MANY LOVERS and also has been WITH TELEUS ALL ALONG and there is a PLAY written about him and he has a ~messenger~ network and PLAYS THE FLUTE and DOESN’T MAKE HIS BED and DISLIKES MATH and oh and he’s VERY HANDSOME! (Yes I was losing it, I hope my note from after the poem helps show some of the feelings behind this rant.)

Fucking … Wine shop. Should have known.

Chapter 3

224. ominous

Hello magus!

Sophos … babe (his impatience!)

225. Magus … cool your socks that’s your bff (he’s just describing Helen’s dead body! Fun!!!!)

In the van

That was good I love them

Why is it Couples Hour?

226. finally we’re out of the capital of Attolia

Ok they’re so cute

She was NEVER Helen in ACoK narration! 

Also – Pheris. This is all Pheris. (Pheris plus information others told him!)

227. Bringing each other up to date – that’s their thing. Talking forever

All this talk of shooting Therespides

228. EX FUCKING SCUSE ME (time to learn a lot about the country of Eddis)

He was 15! (or almost 15)

He didn’t know! Or did he!

The MoW!

All thru Pheris

Fuck you magus

When did he know

229. EXCUSE ME

The emeralds?

Assumed the worst?

That classic quote about little to do with winter but with “seducing other people’s lovers”

230. yeah Sophos that’s a lost cause (“spare me my blushes”)

Also she didn’t answer you

What are they laughing about (the generally nameless men we’re learning many things about this chapter)

233. Gen I think it’s fair to say that was a mistake

234. wtf Gen

GEN! he just. Had those. (the jewels!)

Her crown

I cannot

235. Gen!

237. Crash

Her CHANGES

238. THESE TWO

239. called annux

Yeah it’s like … a family meeting (the war council)

Bring your father to work day

241. Oh no.

Stenides! Boagus!!!!!!!

EDDIS!

Wolves! Lol

mwt is just like going for it

243. aww

Eddis > Boagus > Gen

244. Yeah I’m with her on this. (“if that doesn’t frighten you, it should”)

Chapter 4

245. Gen and Magus scene yes!

Two people affected by his long hair (Gen and the magus? I think?)

Pheris are you there?

Gen … you used to wish yourself out of existence

Wow

Hair vanity

Yeah also battlefield

Ion is a darling tbh

248. Is he. Is he going to fight all of them

Also they are all his cousins huh

AULUS! I liked you!

Same, Hilarion

Taking a page out of Costis’s book?

You have definitely seen it before. (I mistook his lie for truth!)

Will Costis hear about this? (please)

249. #4 to Gen!

Pheris where are you

Why doesn’t the Continent want to conquer them (do I get partial credit for this)

A tattoo!

250. “Do not offend the gods”

Honestly … too bad Helen DIDN’T do this

251. he said he’d give all he had

I’m sure there are rules

253. Just men? :( (let everybody fight him!)

Ornon is back! I mean, of course he is

Also yea they practice

HELLO ORNON

A house being built … or one knocked down. Nice

Is Teleus in on this?

254. Pheris called him my king!

255. I wanna know which guards though

:( he’d been faking

Kicked him in the head (ouch)

256. “when he fell”

I … don’t like this

He never gives up. The thieves don’t have limits. They have flash points.

Stepped on his hand

“Enough Gen” – what Irene said?

257. :( :( :( :( :( :( :(

The magus. I forgot he was there.

The magus said … nevermind …

The magus is probs very into this as a cultural thing. Also he was talking to the MoW

Pigeon. The sky. :( Like in TT (OH BOY, THE SKYYYY)

If there was a god, Pheris would see…

258. They’ve, they’ve been through a lot.

Oh god what’s next

259. I … no. not in his arms to the palace.

The palace where….

The stairs…

They are all 3 lookers. Basilisks and brass and lead

I hate this. But I love this.

I will someday see this differently.

Ah yes… the grunt. Approval.

260. Honestly, this is so fucked up and heartwarming. These books.

Lol don’t defend Hilarion, we know him

Eddis visits him.

Attolia watches him.

261.WTF Gen. I knew it. Why.

Crying or laughing? Crying? :(

How does this not undermine her now that he is her king?

But … what he wouldn’t do for her.

262. “he did fine”

This book is like… Reasons Gen Says Sorry

So, so… - Helen

GEN!

263. I am right. I am always right. It’s a curse.

Helen :( :( :(

The amount of times these people have seen him beaten.

He’s like … self destructive, but in a way that gives himself more power. Which he hates.

Gen, let them in. Let them in.

Chapter 5

264. honeycomb

OH NO. is it happening?

266. I’m just supposed to accept this?!! What does it mean?!

267. … a my king moment … important

But like … now can he fight?

Caryatid? [doodle after I looked it up]

268. Teleus!

C’mon Teleus. Everyone you love or respect loves him!

Honestly Pheris and Teleus … not a duo I expected

THESE TWO ARE SO DEDICATED TO TELLING HIM THAT! Ok I should chill. At least he said “may.” These are like … Pheris’s life lessons.

Honestly… I love that Teleus likes poetry, or at least likes it for Relius.

269. Lol Legarus. It’s been years! I mean, I guess that was a big deal for him… (almost being executed is a big deal for most people.)

Does he not love Gen because of Relius? Because Gen manipulated him? Because he keeps sending away his successor? Why on earth not! Hop on that train! (...)

It’s interesting that their relationship is the one that touches Pheris, not Gen and Irene. Hm.

Also … “Idiot.” The parallels.

“relatively gently” (it’s so good)

~Teleus here to talk about love~

This book is full of surprises.

270. That is NOT the bright side, Gen (“I could use my newfound authority to insist on going into battle”)

271. BUNNY! Wtf is a wineglass warrior

Very cute everyone, good job.

Still sad about Helen’s tears.

271. Gen. Don’t say these things. [volcano doodle]

272. SEE I was worried about this! The doubt!

I am not ok

This is TOO MANY Eddisian Revelations (Lader time)

Yeah. Wow.

273. Cleon x5

I … his grandfather

No.

Baby Helen begging

How did Pheris get this scene

Gen chose Cleon for his plan

275. IRENE WITH THE STATS!

276. lol Gen

My brother Sounis!

277. Missing Relius club.

Where is he though

Yes! Sophos Gen food fight!

Grapes!

“Wisdom”

He’s “the king” here and in KoA bc that’s the story but also that’s who he is to Pheris and Costis

278. So how did that Irene and MoW meeting go anyway?

How does Aulus know???

Thief short story! Probably terrible to reread, oh no

279. Are … are Aulus and Boagus together???! (“his slightly smaller partner”)

This feels … potentially traumatic … but fun? Idk

Fleece

280. This dang book. No rules!

The chandelier! So dramatic!

Mwt had … a lot to put into this one. A lot. A lot.

283. “not the Thief he was chasing”

284. The queens! The salute!

He can’t give this up.

Official Worries:

100,000 soldiers heading towards Kamet

Re: Lyopidus, Gen called Sophos his brother. Helen apparently might BE his sister. Temenus and Stenides are also going to a war where 9/10 will probably die.

Also

the MoW could have been a king if he’d stolen Helen’s throne. A lot there.

why does this book have the vibe of the library post, my comic from 2010, the king and queen interactions here, and the military tactics dream

[jihef03]

Thoughts on the Toy Story 4 trailer

okay, so I’m actually refering to the first two-minute slength trailer that got released a few weeks back, and it’s the french version, but I got busy so I couldn’t do it earlier. Therefore “ne  perdons  plus de temps!”

-The hype is real. I went Toy Story fan when I was three, and never got back. So happy to see the gang again.

-By the way, people were so pissed about a Toy Story 4, holy cow. I don’t get it. Are you people  so afraid it’s gonna ruin “Toy Story 3′s perfect ending” ? Come on,at this point, it’s just like seeing old friends again. Sure, you can get a bit anxious at the idea that time has passed and you might not  get along as well as before, but they’re your friends. You should look at the positive, and be happy at the prospect of meeting your pals back. 

-Woody acting like a dad right out the bat, yes, this is content for me.

-Forky throwing himself out the window, probably triggering some PTSD for Woody and Buzz.

-Woody literally ready to risk his neck for a toy he’s only known for like  only some hours/days, and he does it because Forky is Bonnie’s favourite, and no toy gets left behind. * wipes tear* I’m so proud of this cowboy doll guys, he’s grown so much.

-Buzz going “I’ve got to find my cowboy bro” is the sweetest, I did not expect less from him.

-Buzz botched acrobatics and Woody’s flopiness still getting giggles out of me after all this time. I’ve missed you guys..

-”Thank you, inside voice.”

-On that note, most of the french voice actors  reprised their roles for the movie and I’m so happy. No offense to Tom Hanks and Tim Allen, but I cannot unhear Richard Dabois and Jean-Philippe Puymartin as Buzz and Woody. (Also, let me tell you : you experience some serious whiplash once you gotfrom Barbara Tissier’s Jessie to Joan Cusack’s Jessie, like wow, their voices have totally different pitches.)

-I do love myself some good ol’ color-contrasting ennemies, so good point for Bo and Gaby wearing opposite colors. Like, if Pete and Lotso were Woody’s villain, I think Gaby is  gonna be Bo’s villain, and I like that. Maybe for turf war on the attraction park. 

-On that subject , I wanted to say this for while now, but I really appreciate that the story is going to take place in an attraction park. The toys usually stayed in enclosed space in the trilogy, so this will be a nice change to see them a bit more on open space.

-On the “eh” side of things tho, I’m pretty sure this is gonna spark some debate on the future, but I doubt this Toy Story movie is gonna reinvent itself narratively speaking. It has shades of the second  and third movie into it : “Woody is separated from the group!”  “Buzz must search for Woody!”, “they all have to get away from some place to go back home!”. I think at this point it’s up to you to decide if those are “tired tropes” or “staples” of the franchise. I hope I’m just worrying myself for nothing over there.

-Still for the most part, I have good hopes for this movie. And I do think Pixar put care in it . I mean, it’s their master franchise, so they gotta play it good.

-I think the french trailer edited some stuff out and focused more on the “adventure/fun” aspect of it. Like Bo Peep is’nt really introduced in the trailer, she’s sort of “there” . I don’t really mind though, so I can experience the full gut punch  of seeing her in the theaters once I watch the whole movie.

So yeah overall , I really like this trailer, it makes me excited, and I’m just happy to see my toy friends again.  I like to think’ it’s gonna be a pretty solid movie and follow-up. Introducing Forky and the “what makes a toy a toy” is a good concept, and bringing back Bo is a good idea that hooks me up for more.

[gregkatepetegowest]

The Last Stop (Kinda): Louisville, KY

Okay, we have been home for nearly a month now and life has caught up with me. BUT I need to give the people what they want so here come the final two blog posts.

We ended our grand adventure in Louisville, KY. We knew we didn’t really want to be back in Nashville for July 4. Lots of extra tourists here, crowded bars, girls screaming on pedal taverns, etc. I didn’t have to start work until July 6 but wanted to be home July 5 to give myself a day to try to adjust to becoming a functioning adult again. Pete had never been to Louisville before and it’s a short 2.5 hour drive to Nashville so we figured it would be a cool spot to be for the fourth and the end of our journey.

One of Pete’s buddies lives in Louisville and we had plans to see Greensky Bluegrass on the waterfront with them that evening (July 3). We left STL late morning with plans to arrive to downtown Louisville around 3 pm. UNTIL we realized Louisville is EST, whoops! The drive from STL was only about four hours and we high tailed it so we would have time to check-in, walk Greg, shower and meet up Pete’s friend before the show. We stayed at The Moxy, which is dog friendly, a little swanky, but relatively cheap because it’s a boutique hotel (AKA small). Personally, I love boutique hotels and other than the room being a little small for two adults and an adult sized dog it was totally perfect for us. At this point in the trip/year we were back to hot ass southern weather (ugh ugh ugh) so our dog walk was short and sweet.

We met Pete’s friend Dave and his wife Kathleen as a brewery just under a mile away so we were nice and sweaty from our walk by the time we arrived. We had a drink and dinner and met some of Dave’s friends all of whom were very cool. I found out later that one of them had been Cody Rigsby’s roommate in NY for years. So very upsetting that I didn’t know this when I was in her presence. Storing many questions in my brain to ask her when we are back in Louisville next.

After dinner, we headed down to the waterfront where the concert was being held. I used to visit Louisville for work four times and a year but hadn’t been there is years and a lot has changed. The waterfront area has been completely redone and is now a huge park with lots of open space for hanging out, concerts, etc. The city did an amazing job with this transformation. Greensky was really cool. Naturally, I had never heard their music before, like many of the concerts that Pete brings me to, but I love bluegrass and live music so I had a blast. After Greensky, we walked back to The Moxy to take Greg out. We ended up grabbing a drink from the hotel bar and sitting outside with Greg which was great.

Louisville day two started with a 9 am class at Shed 415. Dave’s wife, Kathleen, owns the gym (she is a badass, clearly) and naturally after having a couple beverages I told her I’d LOVE TO TRY IT OUT! The next morning I was not quite as excited to run on a treadmill and lift weights for an hour but I knew it’s what Pete and I both needed so we put our shades on, walked Greg, chugged water and headed over to the gym. The class was great! Similar format to Barry’s Bootcamp but way more mellow, inclusive, no bros with shirts off, etc. Really, really loved it and the class flew by. If you find yourself in Louisville, I recommend you go and support Kathleen by taking a class at one of her studios (Shed 415).

After class, Pete and I felt like brand new people, and it was time to refuel. We went back to The Moxy to grab Gregor and then met Kathleen and Dave for coffee and breakfast (lox on a bagel, so good).

After breakfast Pete, Greg and I headed to PG&J's Dog Park Bar. We wanted to hit it before it got any hotter and we were still dirty from our class. PG&J’s is just as the name states. An indoor/outdoor bar where you can bring your dog and let them off leash to peruse the entire indoor/outdoor facility. The sign in process took quite a while so we sweat some more while we stood outside waiting. Finally, it was our turn! We got Greg all signed in and I was feeling really happy to give him some time off leash after being in the hotel most of the evening the night before.

If you know Greg well, you know he likes to play rough. He also really loves to be chased by his dog friends. Off leash he is USUALLY well-mannered meaning he doesn’t fight with other dogs despite their breed (on leash he has a major problem with doodle breeds, which has been great since non-shedding dogs have been ALL THE RAGE for the last few years). I digress.

We enter the bar section, which is indoor, and I let Greg off his leash. Basically, from that moment onward he creates complete chaos. He starts by basically spinning out once he’s off leash. The floors were concrete with a finish so a tad slippery for dogs and as soon as he heard his leash being unclipped, he tried to sprint away towards all the other dogs as fast as he possibly could. Pete and I looked at each other and immediately headed to the bar for a drink. While waiting for our drink, we could see Greg psychotically running around the dog park, up to other dogs, peeing on numerous items including the leg of a chair SOMEONE WAS SITTING IN. We really didn’t know what to do. Technically, he wasn’t doing anything WRONG he was just causing a ruckus. We decided the best move was to pretend he wasn’t our dog. This was working out well until he pooped and I had to pick it up. We were outed.

After 20 minutes or so, he mellowed out a little but began pestering one dog in particular. He wants this dog, another GSD breed, to chase him but this dog really doesn’t want to and finds him annoying and is exhibiting all the signs dogs exhibit when they are annoyed. Growling, raising his hair up, etc. Greg doesn’t care. He wants him to chase him and continues to pester. The dog park has a “ranger” whose job is walk around with a water bottle full of rocks and shake it when the dogs start to fight or become aggressive with each other. Before long, I hear the bottle shaking noise and I know it must be Greg. Sure enough, it was, but since he wasn’t the one being aggressive he isn’t in any trouble! Long story short, Greg caused the other dog to have to go on a “five-minute leash break” and eventually the dog and his peeps just left all together. Ugh.

By now, Pete and I realized what we thought would be fun and relaxing was not either of those things. We had to finish our drink STAT and get out of there. We tried to drink fast but it wasn’t fast enough. Greg had found his next “friend” in an adorable Border Collie who he decided he had a crush on. SO EMBARSSING WHOSE CHILD IS THAT?! This poor dog just kept trying to run away, for good reason. As we were leaving, we met his person who was really cool and didn’t seem to be upset that our dog was trying to sexually assault his dog. I don’t think we will be back at PG&J’s anytime (ever again) soon. Now you know why there are no photos from this experience! However, the concept is really cool, was super clean and well maintained with lots of room for dogs and people so if you have a normal dog and you’re in Louisville I would definitely visit this establishment!

After our 45 minutes of fun at the dog park, we headed back to the hotel to shower up. We spent the rest of the day walking around downtown getting snacks and drinks. We stopped by Garage Bar, Feast, La Bodeguita de Mima and Angel's Envy distillery. Highly recommend all of these joints but Angel's Envy was definitely the highlight. We did a super basic tasting but learned a ton and Angel's Envy is very tasty bourbon (coming someone who typically DOES NOT like bourbon straight). From Angel's Envy we headed to the waterfront to secure a firework watching location. Greg was allowed at the waterfront and could care less about fireworks which worked out great. After fireworks, we headed back to The Moxy to relax before heading home to Nashville the next morning.

The next morning, we checked out and walked all along the river front. I couldn’t get over how much Louisville had changed (for the better) since I’d been there last and I truly cannot wait to go back and visit. Next time we visit Louisville, we plan to much more proactive about making tasting/tour reservations at the downtown bourbon distilleries.

I was starting to get majorly depressed about having to resume normal life the next day so we decided to delay that feeling just slightly by stop at Mammoth Cave National Park on our way home. Kudos to Pedro for finding this park for us! Had no idea such a cool spot was so close to home. This park is home to the longest cave system known in the world. Uh, cool! We learned many cool facts along our walk through the park which you can also find here if you’re interested: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mammoth_Cave_National_Park

We didn’t go into Mammoth Cave itself because we had Greg with us but we did see some of the smaller caves which had bats hibernating in them right now! When we were there, the temperature outside with in the low 80 range but the temperature in the cave was in the high 50 range! When we walked by the entrance to Mammoth Cave it kept like standing in front of an open refrigerator door. So wild and a great way to take a break mid-hike and cool down. We have plans to head back to this park, sans dog, so we can really explore the caves more.

From here, we headed back to Nash-Vegas which was only an hour and a half drive. It was weird driving towards the city and seeing the Nashville skyline. Since we had absolutely no food at our house and we were not about to grocery shop our first hour back in town, we stopped at our favorite dive in our neighborhood for a late lunch/early dinner. Suddenly, it kind of felt like we never left!

I’ll wrap this thing up with a few of our trip highlights and lowlights for the last post. This has been the most asked question from friends/family since we returned!

[nomanicsdak]

New Post has been published on https://manicdak.com/picnics-and-pirates/

Picnics and Pirates

Neverending Isles

Well, we’re back at it, here in far away, long ago Greece, where I start the game after a long hiatus playing Anthem (don’t @ me). I am finishing up an ice cream sandwich IRL while waiting for things to load up and get immediately assassinated by some bounty hunters, because as it turns out, I am still standing over Podarkes dead bod. When I return from being unsynchronized, I pay for my bounty because I don’t want them hassling me. Now it’s time to get down to business and reacquaint myself to the controls. I still have a gazillion points on the map to explore!

What I remember is that I think I have finished with the Silver Islands, which have lost their sheen after I found out that they don’t let you die there, and I am on a quest to defeat a cult and find my mom so I can find out who my dad is. 

Let us now seek a new side quest so I don’t have to do any of that!

Here we go, I meet up with my pal, Barnabas and he’s giving me the update on Kyra! So they didn’t just fade off into the sunset without saying goodbye after all. I feel better about that since I put all that time in here. She is putting her traitorous dad to rest and is grateful I haven’t told her secret. (The secret of her dad being a murderous traitor thief.)

My Alexios’s opinion is that Podarkes should rot, but that the troops deserve a good story, especially Thaletas who is waiting up the stairs I am told. Barnabas bids me good night as he tells me to relax and party it up for a minute, and now I have a quest called a night to remember. 

I will never be done with the Silver Isles, also, I’m not hookin’ it up with Thaletas, game. You better not still be trying to make that happen!

First, I’m led to Kyra as she lights dad’s funeral pyre. She has complicated feelings about this whole situation, but I encourage her to stay strong and help her peeps so a new Podarkes doesn’t crop up. We head back to the party now.

The bear smuggler is there all touching up on Barnabas’s face. She calls him Barny which is a good nickname for him that I didn’t even think of, because I couldn’t remember his name for several days after I met him. I’m going to steal it. They have bonded over their opposite missing eyes. How nice. Apparently they are in love now. What the hell? I spent so long wandering around these dumb islands that my boat captain has acquired a girlfriend. I can invite her to join the crew, so why not. Everybody wins? Maybe we could use a smuggler.

Once we are done with that love story, I can now breath a sigh of relief, because Kyra and Thaletas are together for reals, and he is no longer awkwardly hitting on me. Yay! Also, he’s over here turning down Spartan generalship in order to settle  on the islands with Kyra. This is quite a thing for a dude who wanted to fight me to prove my Spartaness. Good for them, for now!

I decide to bow out quietly and leave the rebels to their islands without speechifying about it, despite Barny’s wishes. Of course, I can’t leave without Sokrates showing up to say goodbye and philosophizing at me. Until next time, Sokrates! 

But I see new quests…what? I am determined to finish these silver isles though, so I’m heading back across the way to Mykanos now.

Psych! Apparently you can create your own levels in assassin’s creed now, and these silver exclamation points are user created. It’s been so long since I’ve been here there are new game mechanics. Of course in the first one I pick just to see what they’re like, my “one true love”, Thaletas, wants me to assassin someone for him. Even random internet strangers want me to hook up with this dude! Sorry, video game gods, it’s not gonna happen!

I move back to that blasted pirate island with the dagger lady that I attempted earlier in the game and spend the entirety of my gaming night trying to beat it. I KNOW I’ve faced dual wielding rogues before and beat them. This pirate lady is two entire levels below me, so I don’t know why this is so difficult! Bah. One bonus to this location when I finally beat her, is that there is a cultist here! I wasn’t even looking for one! So we get to cross another of those dudes off the cult family tree.

Since we’re laying siege to pirate islands tonight, let’s go find another one. There is a huge one to the west of me, so that is where we head! First a quick stop off at this little nothing island called Lestris. There is a quest item here though. Let’s see if we can find out what quest it belongs to… Huh. Artifact fragments it looks like??? Maybe I should upgrade my spear instead of going to pirate island. 

Just kidding again! I travel all the way back to spear island to find out I need seven artifacts for the next section, but I only have four. Damn. Back to Pirate island I guess.

Yo-Ho-Ho

This place is literally called Pirate Island this time. I thought it might end up in another silver isles situation, but this one only has a couple of quests that don’t lead on an endless string of other quests. It is however, filled with bobcats jumping on my back. Which sucks, because I’m not about killing bobcats, but if they’re going to attack me…

Our first quest is for a little girl. She’s gathering clay for her friends and wants to make them some jewelry, so she asks Alexios if he will go find some pearls and shiny rocks. Sure thing! Helping the children of Greece free of charge are my favorite tasks.

I return to her shack on the hill expecting some more kids, but instead find three huge lumps of clay, and these are her friends. <Insert distressed smiley face here> I was not expecting this innocuous quest to turn tragic, but then again, I never do. Turns out her mother decided to go pirate to get some money and make a better life, but returned with a stab wound. Her last words to her daughter were to be good and make friends. The kid has literally made friends. Out of clay.

All my friends are clay.

I don’t really have the heart to tell this lonely child that her friends are clay lumps and she is delusional and needs to go out and meet real people. I choose to tell her that anybody can be a friend. My bestie is an eagle after all. She thinks that’s pretty cool. Maybe I can inspire all the young girls of Greece to become falconers? (I return a bit later and find her crying, because the rain has washed her friends away, but we cannot interact anymore. Did I do the wrong thing? )

Alexios, Blending right in

Second quest is some dude’s wife picking ceremony. The woman I talk to insists that she loves this man and he loves her. Apparently I get no choice but to think she is a gold digger. Is she? Who knows? An acolyte of Hecate approaches us and offers to make her a love potion. I and Alexios think this is a ridiculous farce, but agree to help anyway. I fetch some shrooms and some some wine and hand it over to the ‘witch’. All she needs now is a lock of the woman’s hair. 

A love potion that causes hair to fall out, but not at the root– The mysterious ways of Hecate, I guess.

I return the next night and our friend is bald! Turns out the witch was merely a rival for the rich dude’s affections, and she has tricked this woman into drinking a sort of poison. It was only supposed to give her a rash, not make all her hair fall out. As to the why of the situation, the witch thinks she deserves this dude because they’ve known each other since childhood, and was just playing the game. The other woman is distraught, obviously.

the witch is way too pleased with her plan

But the show must go on! — This whole prank has rubbed me the wrong way and the ‘witch’s maniacal laughter is really not helping much, but I don’t get many options in the way of a peaceful resolution. It’s either, So sorry about your luck, bald lady, or kill the witch! (My true choice would be to tell the bald woman to forget about the rich dude; he’s not worth it and then hightail it out of there.) I call the guards on the ‘witch’ and hope she’ll just get arrested or something. Naaah. With that choice I get an update to the quest for witch killing. Damn. 

I just stand aside and let the guards do it. 

And that’s everything of note on pirate island! A short and sweet one with surprisingly few pirates! Maybe tomorrow we’ll hunt some cultists so I can upgrade my spear!

I do find one short quest somewhere along the way, but I forget where it was. A woman instructs me to go to a cemetery to find out which God is the most powerful: Apollo (I think? Or was it Ares? Something with an A. I didn’t write this one down!) or Posiden. “A” god has lions which are pretty powerful, but Posiden has like…sharks and krakens. Choices, choices. While I’m figuring this out some dude comes up to me and is absolutely convince I’m going to kill him. Huh? I tell him all is cool, bro, but then he comes after me anyway, because Athena told him it must be.

I didn’t get this memo

Back to the old lady who gave me this dumb quest, and I tell her Athena is the most powerful, because she got this dude to commit suicide by mysthios without lions or sharks. The lady thinks this is all amusing and I don’t even remember if she got the answer she wanted, and I don’t even know if I got any drachmae for it, but there you have it! Moving swiftly onward–

Wading into the Deep End

Update: So it turns out that I didn’t find an artifact on that island, just a clue to find one, which is good, because I need three more to upgrade!  It has led me Achaia and now I can’t find the letter with the clue so… great. Am I even supposed to be here? I guess I’ll go search the coves and see what I can find!  

 I find many enemies that are at least ten levels above me, so–I definitely am not supposed to be here yet!  Also, I’m level 30, how long is this game??? Before I move on to easier targets, I find the sunken temple of Demeter and some Ares boots that I can sell later.  Maybe I’ll tackle the cultist in the arena? I have an actual quest for that, so maybe I’m not too weak for that one? It is in Pephka, and I get to reveal a whole new section of the map if I go there.  So, let’s go!

Ouch!

First, I stop off at an underwater cavern to get some loot and fight some sharks.  Turns out the quest item on that island was not the cultist letter, nor was it an artifact…it was some bricks.  Do I have a quest for bricks??? What? Forget it. I’m going to the arena and resisting the temptation to stop at every island along the way.  In keeping with the theme somehow…it is at a place called Pirate Point.

  Ahh, turns out this is all Barny’s doing.  He thought I should give this arena thing a try, because, obviously, I have nothing else to do.  I talk to a guy named Skoura. I guess I’m here to inspire the crowds to believe in heroes again. I’ll do it!

It’s Skoura!

 Well, I’ll do it up until the point where these other dudes are a higher level than me.  There is a guy at level 50. Damn. Hopefully the cultist makes himself known before then.  Is it Skoura??? I hope not, I kinda like the old dude. Also, I’m going to have to question this whole operation…

 Like, why does Alexios, a single human person (or Demi-god?), have to fight like 20 dudes before I get to my opponent???  He only has to fight me. How fair is that? (I’m just complaining, because I am not good at this, and also this sucks and is no fun, but I won’t rage-quit just yet.)  At least not until–yes, that did it–some upgraded gear did the trick. It is always my downfall.

 After I win my first bout, some dude named Maion approaches me and Skoura.  He’s all about the drachmae, so I don’t trust him.   Hmm. Maybe he’s the cultist? I just want to find him before I get too deep in this arena business. Is that too much to ask?  But there are only two out of five guys at my level or below.

Yeah, the one guy is going to be it for the arena for now.  Excuse me while I go grind, thank you very much.

A Tale of Two Brothers

Here’s a novel Idea–Let’s get on with the story.  Did I say I was going to investigate Alkibiades clue?  Let’s do that! Off to Korinth we go! There are lots of undiscovered locations here. *rubs hands together in anticipation*

First thing I find is a bandit camp, which I think is going to be a simple affair not worth mentioning, but instead there is a quest there.  I rescue some dude named Lykinos who has no idea why these bandits were shaking him down. I have to carry him to get him away. Let’s return him to his dad before I accidentally kill him trying to put him on the ground (I forgot which button puts people down!) and see what journey I have to go on now. 

Okay, dude is an Athenian poet.  When we get him home safe, and sound, it turns out that the bandit’s killed dad!  Sad. We find this out because Lykinos’s brother–some call him Tim–shows up to tell us. He’s all aggro about it, probably because Lykinos has been swanning around Athens writing poems instead of being there at home / fighting wars. Now I get to do favors for both of them.

Lykinos cannot believe this shit

Tim wants me to get some Athenian armor from a vendor, and this can’t possibly be as easy to do as it sounds.  Lykinos wants revenge. Even Alexios sounds weary with that idea, because he’s trying to convince Lykinos nobody wants any more bloodshed. He agrees, that’s why he’s hiring me. Gee, thanks, fella.

  I go to the merchant and it turns out that that dad sold his armor, or maybe this guy is trying to cheat me? Whatevs. Buy all the armor! I only spend money on upgrades (if I remember to) and paying off my own bounties anyway.

  Armor in hand, I head off to dispatch the bandits.  When I get to their camp, I find them besieged by a pack of wolves.  Maybe if I sneak hard enough, the wolves will do all the work for me???  All right, I am not that lucky or good at sneaking, but these dudes aren’t that difficult. I find a letter in the camp that says dear old dad owed these bandits a lot of money. Loan sharkin’ it up again, I see. I wonder if there’s a bigger badder shark behind these guys? 

Spoiler: There is not. I’m always overthinking these sidequest plots.

 What I do know is that I’m apparently staying for this funeral even after revealing the truth of dad’s shady business dealings.  Tim wants me to get oil for an offering, and Lykinos thinks I should get some wine. He seems confused about what the oil’s for though, and there’s a lot of tension between these bros. We shall see! I get both offerings and complete a location.

  When I return to my friends, they are having a brotherly blow up, like brothers do. After I give them a pep talk about being there for one another, because they’re all they’ve got left, it is time to go. Or is it?

Now Hug it Out!

 Because, are these bros vibing on Alexios, or is it just me?  Well, Lykinos wants to meet up with me later anyway. Winkity, wink?? Like, the last dude that wanted to see me after a quest was complete, I ended up with a bed of rose petals.  

  Aaahahah.  Lykinos wants to make me dinner.  I TOLD you. First I have to hunt down some deers, and when I meet him it’s on this picturesque overlook at sunset. Geez. Well, played, poet man. Dinner and a view–I think this hits the sweet spot right between a overly-sentimental bed of rose petals and goat orgy. I actually like this guy, so let’s do it! 

But first a chat about Lykinos being a lying liar who lies. See, turns out he didn’t come back just to visit the fam. Actually, he just failed at being an artist in the big city. He didn’t want to tell his family so as not to disappoint them, and he didn’t want to tell me, because he was trying to impress me. He doesn’t know what he’s going to do know, because he’s not exactly the fighting type. I tell him he should become a cook because this venison meal he’s made is A+++

Are You serious right now?

Alright! Heart to heart over; we fade to black and return the next morning with Alexios all by himself again.  Such is the life of a mercenary! It’s on to the next quest I suppose.

[diabolik-lover-smut-blog]

More than Friends

We all know Laito's preference is the uke girl type then the seme girl. So when you hear tomboy who is more masculine then the girls that Laito has his small flings with it's odd. Laito enjoyed the tomboy's company always coming up with witty comments and savage comebacks to shut down his flirts, which only edged him on further to have this tomboy all to himself. This tomboy was (Name); she was a rebel against the school she stood out easily in the crowd in her boyish appearance but her features were that of a goddess who had a lot of guy's hearts, girls in the school were intimidated by her and some burned with jealously. A typical day for (Name) as she walked the school grounds skipping class as it bored her oh so much, therefore she looked for the perverted playboy vampire who for once was in class which slightly annoyed as her boredom grew "So class as you can see in order to achieve this formula you must used Pythagoras" the teacher said teaching the class. (Name) looked through the window spotting the perverted playboy vampire sitting at his seat boredom written all over his face as he played with his pencil. She knocked on the window softly drawing the attention of the class but she ducked quickly not to be caught by the teacher. Peeping back up, the teacher was facing the class and the vampire looked over smiling happily. She waved him over mouthing 'I need some help' and the teacher turned around and she ducked down yet again so she wouldn’t get caught "Sir, may I go to the toilet. You see I drank sooo much and I need to go" Laito said with a smirk and the teacher sighed and lets him go. He walked out seeing (Name) on the ground lying there arm over her eyes being over dramatic which he found amusing "Tranny-chan? Are you alright?" he asked a little worried but held a playful tone as usual "You take forever" she whined childishly as she moved her arm away from her face and glared at him playfully "hmmm~ I didn't know you missed me so much, maybe I can make it up to you~" he purred holding his hand out for her "Oh Laito-kun, just you being here is enough" she said sarcastically imitating Laito's fan girls "What did you need help with?" he asked with a chuckle at her imitation of his lovely fan girls "Nothing, I was just bored and didn’t want to walk around like a loner" she explained with a chuckle as he hummed in response in somewhat understanding "Oi Laito you doing anything in the school break?" she asked looking at him as they walked out of the school grounds "Nope, as usual" he sighed a little knowing how boring his holidays will be "Wanna hang out sometime, I feel like we need to chill ya know?" she smiled at him "Ahh~ what’s this, is my little Tranny-chan falling for me?" he smirked leaning into her "HA! In your dreams pretty boy, knowing you, you probably do that anyway" she said leaning away from him laughing a little as he clicked his tongue "Did you just call me pretty my I didn't know you thought of me as attractive" he said with the back on his hand on his forehead and his other hand over his heart. By now they were out of the school grounds and in town they were making their way to an ice-cream shop "Yeah so? I ain't blind" she laughed as they grabbed an ice-cream together. Yes even though the two aren't a couple they act very much like it but this love was mostly one sided, Laito was in love with her; while she was the care free go with the flow kind of person. She wasn't into all that relationship things considering her past relationships where they wanted to be serious with her but she loved the life of the party, going out places to hang out more of the friend vibe than the boyfriend girlfriend vibe. Laito was much the same but he really wants to be with (Name) because she was not likes any other girl he's been with, but he wouldn't mind getting serious with her and settle down with her. But who knows what (Name) might choose, when the time comes.

~school breaks~

Laito: Hey Tranny-chan when are you planning for us to hang out?

(Name): Whenever you're free dude, I'm honestly free whenever. Plus don't you need permission from your "dad" Reiji?

Laito: okay technically yes I have to ask him and he's not my dad

(Name): dude chill, it’s just a prank bro. Anyway, dude ask him if we can hang out in town

(Name) waited for his reply as she cleaned her room. She was the kind f person when she's bored she will clean and listen to music and dance around like an idiot which took longer to clean up but that never stopped her "Na na na na na na, na na na na na na Na na na na na na, na na na na na na

I guess I just lost my husband I don't know where he went So I'm gonna drink my money I'm not gonna pay his rent (nope) I got a brand new attitude And I'm gonna wear it tonight I wanna get in trouble I wanna start a fight

Na na na na na na na, I wanna start a fight Na na na na na na na, I wanna start a fight" she sang pretending to play the guitar.

Her phone went off and she answered it "Yello?" she said turning the music down a little "Hello? Is this (Name)?" asked a deep voice "Yes it is I, (Name)" she replied "Good evening, my name is Reiji Sakamaki. Laito's older brother, he had just been explaining to me that you had made plans with him to go into town am I correct?" spoke Reiji "Yes, that is right. Is there a problem with that?" she questioned "Not at all (Name), but he must be home for dinner at 10:00, am I clear?" Reiji demanded "With all due respect Reiji Sakamaki, but both Laito and I are young adults 10:00 is a curfew for children. If I may, I shall have Laito back at 2:00 am, I will be sure that he will be in safe hands" she smirked as she spoke through the phone with Laito’s older brother "...Alright but if you are a minute late I will punish the two of you for disobeying. Do I make myself clear?" Reiji said sternly "Alright understood. Does Laito have any commitment for this week? I had asked him that I am available whenever he is, unless you plan to have family fun time?" she held back a small laugh "No, he's free. We do not do that "family fun time" nonsense" he said rather annoyed by her statement "Thank you Reiji Sakamaki for being so understanding" she said which came out sarcastic Reiji hummed and gave the phone to Laito who was standing by his side listening into the conversation "I'm impressed Tranny-chan, you managed to convince my older strict brother to a curfew of 2:00am, bravo~" he smirked as he complimented her "What can I say, I just have a way with men" she laughed along with Laito "So when are you thinking of hanging out?" Laito asked curious as to what she had planned for them "Well it's Thursday so~ Friday or Saturday is good and I was planning just walking around town I don’t know maybe catch a movie I don’t I say let’s wing it" she laughed "hmmm I don't have anything planned, so both days either way is fine" he chuckled a little "Alright Friday it is. Just send me a text whenever you're ready, I'll rock up and you better bring money because I ain't gonna pay for your rich ass" she laughed. She was well aware that he is rich and he had his own money so she did want pay for him because she didn’t see the point in it really "Oh alright I'll bring some money. So I'll see you on our date~" he smirked waiting for her reaction "OI IT'S NOT A DATE-" before she could yell at him Laito had hung up on her as he laughed "That little shit" she muttered as her cheeks flared up but she couldn't help but smile.

(Name) and Laito have been going out to town having fun and enjoying each other's company, but poor Laito was falling more for her as the days passed by. (Name) oblivious to his feelings for her continued to treat him like any other mate of hers, Laito knew this and that's what annoyed him the most. School break was finished and it was backed to the same old routines, going to class learning boring things and having a few fights here and there. But the two still hang out with one another which caused trouble for the two, (Name) for having girls sending death threats and Laito for have men confront him about touching "their (Name)". Laito was walking with (Name) as they talked as they ate their lunches "Has anything interesting happen lately?" he asked flashing her a small smile "Nah, just your fan girls wanting to pick a fight with me but backed down when I challenged them. Honestly Laito Sakamaki you have the worst taste in women" she laughed punching his shoulder lightly "Ah yes but they are not really my type to be truthful" this sparked her interest a little "Oooo so what is your type? I always thought you like those submissive girls that would date you with tip of your fedora" she laughed a little "I'm not sure myself, normally I prefer the submissive but its gets boring when they don't put up a fight" he sighed. "I understand, sometimes you have to spice things up, HA! Am I right" she laughed holding her hand in the air for a high-five. In a flash Laito had her pinned to a wall at the back of the school where they hangout, it was their spot that no one knew where they were. "LAITO!" she yelled her back hit into the wall, knocking the air out of her "I'm sick of this... I will make you mine. You will submit to me" he growled tightening his grip "Knock it off Laito this isn't funny, so lay off would you" she growled back trying to break free from him "That is something I cannot do Tranny-chan. I'm hurt that you think I'm joking when clearly I'm being serious" he said dangerous close to her face. (Name) stared at him closely. She didn’t know what to say or do she was frozen. His emerald eyes captured her in a trance his reddish-brown hair in his face his fedora laid perfectly on his head. She felt powerless as Laito started to lean into her further, she felt her heartbeat quicken. Laito could tell it was beating fast which made him chuckle as he proceed to lean into her neck ready to bit into her but she managed to shake him of "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU" She yelled pushing his off causing him to stumble back "Fufufuf~ don't you get it I want you, and I always get what I want" he purred pinning her again having regained his balance "LAITO! GET OFF ME NOW!" She snapped pushing him again "Not until I get what I want. And what I want is you" he said seriously and bit into her neck. (Name) gripped onto him trying to throw him off but he was too strong for her, she waited for the awaiting pain of him drinking but nothing happened, at first she thought he was just toying with her. He pulled back licking the blood that surfaced on her neck "Now you're mine" he smiled as he looked at his work done on her neck "YOU BASTARD!" She yelled angered and punched his face hard. Grabbing her hand from the pain and he was hit pretty hard his face faced the other way as he cast his eyes at the floor. She was muttering swears from the pain in her hands then she glared at him harshly her hand still I pain "Look at me and listen close because I won't repeat myself" she growled as he faced her with pain in his eyes and fear that he made her hate him "All you had to fucking do was just tell me how you felt...I would have happily gave you a chance... I'm willing to give you a second chance but as soon as I catch you playing me for your own pleasures I won't hesitate to kill you. Got it" she growled venom dripping from her words "Understood" he felt his smile rise on his face as he hugged her she hugged back awkwardly "Can I get a kiss?" He asked with a small purr in his voice "Fine but don't go telling everyone alright" she tsked and gave him a quick peck he pouted at her as she kissed on the cheek "I said a kiss and that's all you're getting" she said sitting down to eat lunch he joined her happily eating his food “Seriously man, I thought you were smooth in confessing to people you like” she laughed “But those girls I didn’t really like, you know I thought it would have been easier but you aren’t like others girls so I kinda panicked and just became forceful” he explained truthfully “Hey I never said I hated it really I was just shocked…and sorry for punching you it was just a reflex” she blushed softly “I keep that noted to warn you when I’m going to do something” he laughed with her

[samanthasroberts]

This Week In Pop Culture (7/28/17)

7/28/2017: The Emoji Movie Finally Broke Critics

By Lydia Bugg

Congratulations are due to The Emoji Movie today. Not for its plot, its characters, or for being a decent movie in any conceivable way. The Emoji Movie has transcended cinema. It’s not just a movie; it’s become a piece of performance art wherein the audience gets to watch the light slowly die in the eyes of the movie critics who had to see it.

Take, for instance, this review from The Guardian, which reads: “A viewer leaves The Emoji Movie a colder person, not only angry at the film for being unconscionably bad, but resentful of it for making them feel angry.” The man who wrote that sentence is not OK. He is going to need all the support he can get from his loved ones, and perhaps his favorite childhood toy to get him through the night.

Jordan Hoffman of The New York Daily News concluded his review with: “Sadly market saturation will prevent this from being the [bomb emoji] it ought to be — so get ready for “The Fidget Spinner Movie” or some other [poop emoji].” If that doesn’t sound like a man who’s completely lost his faith in the American public, I don’t know what does. His use of emojis throughout the article are as much a sign of Stockholm’s syndrome as they are a sign he wanted to finish the review as quickly as possible and move on with his life.

In fact, I believe that’s how most of the critics felt when reviewing this movie. No one was sitting down to write a scathing, angry rant — they all just sound so, so tired. The AP, Common Sense Media, and The LA Times, all used the word “meh” in their reviews. These people work for some of the largest media companies in the world. They can think of a word other than “meh,” but spending the time to do that means spending 30 more goddamn seconds thinking about The Emoji Movie, and they are not going to let that happen to them.

There are a few critics out there with at least a little bit of fight left in them. Brian Orndorf of Blu-ray.com managed: “A soulless endeavor and a painful viewing experience. Your kids deserve better.” These are the brave soldiers of The Emoji Movie; those who made it out the other end, mostly intact and able to write a full review instead of just an elongated sigh.

I think part of the reason this one was so tough for critics was that the collective groan the world let out when The Emoji Movie was announced turned around at some point to a hopeful feeling. No one was especially hyped for The Lego Movie at first, and it turned out to be great. The casting decisions sounded good. If Patrick Stewart and T.J. Miller signed on to it, it must at least be OK, right? Seeing the actual movie was like a having a cold bucket of water dumped over their birthday cake in lieu of blowing out the candles. Now they can’t unsee what they have seen, and they are mentally scarred. Wherever you are today, pour one out for your local movie critics. If you see one in the street, tell them you appreciate them. Maybe give them a hug if they’ll let you. But as you gaze into their broken, hollow eyes, feel not pity but fear. If you see this movie, a similar fate may await.

7/26/2017: John Wick Is Getting A Spinoff! Sort Of! Maybe!

By Daniel Dockery

In 2014, we encountered John Wick, a movie in which Keanu Reeves shoots at bad guys. And in the event that he can’t shoot at a bad guy, he breaks that bad guy’s body parts. He does this with intense gusto, and audiences around my apartment and the world applauded him. Keanu Reeves had spent years dwelling in the pit of “Well, he’s been in a few good movies, but …” But now we could lift him out of there, throw him onto our shoulders, and parade him around town. All hail Keanu. He will lead us to the promised land.

And then John Wick: Chapter 2 came out, offered to us by angels and Summit Entertainment, and it was also so, so good. To think that the first John Wick had been nothing but a pleasant appetizer would’ve seemed absurd in 2014. “Obviously, this is the peak of humanity,” Barack Obama said just after viewing John Wick. BUT LO, John Wick: Chapter 2 improved on its predecessor. If my home ever catches on fire, I will grab my John Wick Blu-rays and somersault out the window in tribute to John Wick. “Help us put out the fire!” my neighbors will shriek. “Why?” I’ll say. “I already have all that I’ll need.”

And then headlines popped up on my favorite movie news sites. Things like “JOHN WICK SPINOFF” and “JOHN WICK UNIVERSE.” I popped champagne in my office, which ruined my laptop, but you can’t care about material possessions in times like this (unless those possessions are John Wick 1 and 2, now on Blu-ray.) But then I read further, and as it turns out, this John Wick spinoff was just a script. A script that Lionsgate had won in a bidding war. An action script about an awesome assassin who is not John Wick and, at this time, doesn’t really have any relation to John Wick.

The script is called Ballerina, and trust me, I really wanna see Ballerina come to fruition. Films like Mad Max: Fury Road and Wonder Woman and Atomic Blonde have hopefully started a trend wherein we can see female-led action movies way more frequently than we used to. But please, can we only announce a John Wick spinoff when we know that it’s going to be a John Wick spinoff?

I’m used to the things that I love letting me down. Every day, Marvel and DC announce that they might be making a movie with the characters that I’ve loved for years. Recently, it was announced that Wonder Woman director Patty Jenkins was in “negotiations” with Warner Bros about doing a sequel to Wonder Woman, when the headline should’ve logically read “Patty Jenkins Directs Best DC Film Since The Dark Knight. She Gets Anything She Wants.” These things make me sad, because Hollywood is a place where dreams are made. And it’s also a place where dreams are announced, and then no one does anything with those dreams for a looong time.

John Wick is too young for this. He’s just a little baby franchise, and I don’t want to get cynical about Keanu, sitting in his cinematic crib, snapping every bone within arm’s length. So please, let’s just wait until something is certain. And until then, we can rewatch John Wick: Chapter 2. Have you seen it? It’s pretty damn great.

7/25/2017: Superman’s Mustache Is Getting Digitally Erased

By Lydia Bugg

Justice League has hit a snafu. Warner Bros. is shelling out a staggering $25 million for Justice League reshoots in hopes to “adjust the tone” of the film to be more like Wonder Woman — that is, something people would actually enjoy watching. These reshoots are taking place far after the original shooting, which wrapped nine months ago.

In the time since, Henry Cavill was contractually obligated to grow a rockin’ mustache for his role in Mission: Impossible 6. Warner Bros. absolutely cannot deal with a mustachioed Superman, and Paramount apparently has a fever, and the only cure is a full, healthy, mustache. We at Cracked like to imagine that the two companies had to sit down for what can only be described as mustache negotiations.

“Why can’t you just have him reading a newspaper, or peeping over a fence in every scene? Add a little bit of a sense of mystery to Superman?” Paramount must have said.

“Why can’t you just use a fake mustache?” Warner Bros. replied.

“NEVER!” Paramount screeched, as they slammed their hands on the conference table so hard that it broke in two. “That mustache is the character. That mustache saves the world. That mustache is replacing Tom Cruise in Mission: Impossible 7 — The Impossiblest Mission!”

Warner Bros., both mystified and terrified by Paramount’s passion for authentic facial hair, decided the only solution was to digitally remove Cavill’s mustache in every single newly shot scene. How much do you think that added to the special effects budget? I feel really sorry of the poor CGI guy who had the job of making awesome monsters and crumbling buildings, but now he’s spending the next three months starring at Henry Cavill’s upper lip.

Or maybe there is a Hollywood “mustache guy” who specializes in this kind of thing. If they can take the mustache off of Henry Cavill, couldn’t they put it on another actor? Oh my god, you guys, does Tom Selleck even have a mustache? What other stars might be rocking a full handlebar and we’re not even aware? I’m looking at you, Helen Mirren.

As usual, Hollywood has found a multi-million-dollar solution to a problem that could easily be solved by a Mach 3 razor. I’m going to be so pissed if Wonder Woman’s Lasso of Truth gets cut out of Justice League because they went way over their mustache budget.

I for one would be 100 percent on board for Mustache Superman. He’s been dead. Can’t the man let himself go a little bit? Maybe instead of being dead, he’s been in Williamsburg drinking craft beer and restoring antique bicycles. Hipster Superman could be cool. In that case, he might need to grow even more of a mustache. Or they could just keep the same mustache guy they have, but instead of taking it out, he digitally enhances the mustaches in order to get those full, curly tips. Can we digitally put a top hat and steampunk vest on Superman as well? I really think this could work, you guys. Fingers crossed for hipster mustache Superman.

7/24/2017: Comic-Con Wants You To Die In A Flood Of Trailers

By Luis Prada

Comic-Con doesn’t give a shit anymore. It’s done playing nice. It used to be a fun fan fest, but now it’s an unrelenting pop cultural blitzkrieg of trailers that none of us — NONE — are emotionally or psychologically prepared to handle. The annual pummeling we receive is the price we must pay to make all of our childhood nerd dreams come true.

Childhood you wanted to see a Justice League movie? Well gird your puny shriveled loins, you idiot, because here’s four-minute Justice League trailer. And because they want to bury you beneath a mountain of the things you ask for, here’s a Flash movie based on the “Flashpoint” story arc. You know what that means: MASSIVELY CONVOLUTED ALTERNATE TIMELINES AND “WHAT IF?” SCENARIOS ARE COMING TO THE BIG SCREEN, AND YOU BETTER NOT COMPLAIN BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT YOU WANTED AND YOU WILL DIE BENEATH IT.

You wanted an Avengers movie? Well, you got two already, and now here’s blurry camera phone footage of the footage of the third one that was filmed from an angle so bad I have to assume the person who shot it incidentally filmed the trailer as he was trying to get upskirt shots. And you’re such a junkie that you’ll suck down that wad of horrendous camera work and ask for more.

They know you’ll take any little morsel you can get, so the keepers of our pop cultural addictions will degrade you, reducing to something less than human. Instead of releasing the footage of Black Panther shown during the panel, they give you the cast of Black Panther reacting to the footage of Black Panther. Oh, and in case you still have one nerve ending left undamaged and still twitching, here’s another trailer for Thor: Ragnarok that is an exhausting and overwhelming assault on your senses by itself.

And you know what, you little shits? Like a typhoon crashing down and laying waste to a city, killing thousands, here’s the trailer for The Defenders. And here’s another trailer for The Defenders, but this time it’s narrated by and starring Stan Lee for reasons that make perfect sense when you consider shutting the fuck up, opening your supple mouth, and taking in the funnel so they can fatten you up like a delicious foie gras goose.

Comic-Con is wise. It knows you have a high tolerance for such an onslaught of trailers. So this year it performed a coup de grace to make sure it knocked your dumb ass into a pop culture coma. You like all this nerdy stuff? Well, here’s the trailer for the second season of Stranger Things, a show that’s one pop culture reference after another, and then here’s the trailer for Steven Spielberg’s adaptation of Ready Player One, a book and now a movie that’s nothing but one pop culture reference after another.

The message of this year’s Comic Con was loud, clear, and violent: Choke on the things you love, you lowly dipshits. Choke.

For more, check out This Week In Pop Culture (7/21/2017) and What Stupid Thing Is Trending Now? (7/23/2017).

Subscribe to our YouTube channel, and check out President Donald Trump Is Actually Good, Mark Zuckerberg Is Actually Not, and watch other videos you won’t see on the site!

Also follow us on Facebook… Hurry!

If we’ve ever made you laugh or think, we now have a way where you can thank and support us!

Make a contribution

Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/11/25/this-week-in-pop-culture-72817/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/11/25/this-week-in-pop-culture-7-28-17/

[adambstingus]

This Week In Pop Culture (7/28/17)

7/28/2017: The Emoji Movie Finally Broke Critics

By Lydia Bugg

Congratulations are due to The Emoji Movie today. Not for its plot, its characters, or for being a decent movie in any conceivable way. The Emoji Movie has transcended cinema. It’s not just a movie; it’s become a piece of performance art wherein the audience gets to watch the light slowly die in the eyes of the movie critics who had to see it.

Take, for instance, this review from The Guardian, which reads: “A viewer leaves The Emoji Movie a colder person, not only angry at the film for being unconscionably bad, but resentful of it for making them feel angry.” The man who wrote that sentence is not OK. He is going to need all the support he can get from his loved ones, and perhaps his favorite childhood toy to get him through the night.

Jordan Hoffman of The New York Daily News concluded his review with: “Sadly market saturation will prevent this from being the [bomb emoji] it ought to be — so get ready for “The Fidget Spinner Movie” or some other [poop emoji].” If that doesn’t sound like a man who’s completely lost his faith in the American public, I don’t know what does. His use of emojis throughout the article are as much a sign of Stockholm’s syndrome as they are a sign he wanted to finish the review as quickly as possible and move on with his life.

In fact, I believe that’s how most of the critics felt when reviewing this movie. No one was sitting down to write a scathing, angry rant — they all just sound so, so tired. The AP, Common Sense Media, and The LA Times, all used the word “meh” in their reviews. These people work for some of the largest media companies in the world. They can think of a word other than “meh,” but spending the time to do that means spending 30 more goddamn seconds thinking about The Emoji Movie, and they are not going to let that happen to them.

There are a few critics out there with at least a little bit of fight left in them. Brian Orndorf of Blu-ray.com managed: “A soulless endeavor and a painful viewing experience. Your kids deserve better.” These are the brave soldiers of The Emoji Movie; those who made it out the other end, mostly intact and able to write a full review instead of just an elongated sigh.

I think part of the reason this one was so tough for critics was that the collective groan the world let out when The Emoji Movie was announced turned around at some point to a hopeful feeling. No one was especially hyped for The Lego Movie at first, and it turned out to be great. The casting decisions sounded good. If Patrick Stewart and T.J. Miller signed on to it, it must at least be OK, right? Seeing the actual movie was like a having a cold bucket of water dumped over their birthday cake in lieu of blowing out the candles. Now they can’t unsee what they have seen, and they are mentally scarred. Wherever you are today, pour one out for your local movie critics. If you see one in the street, tell them you appreciate them. Maybe give them a hug if they’ll let you. But as you gaze into their broken, hollow eyes, feel not pity but fear. If you see this movie, a similar fate may await.

7/26/2017: John Wick Is Getting A Spinoff! Sort Of! Maybe!

By Daniel Dockery

In 2014, we encountered John Wick, a movie in which Keanu Reeves shoots at bad guys. And in the event that he can’t shoot at a bad guy, he breaks that bad guy’s body parts. He does this with intense gusto, and audiences around my apartment and the world applauded him. Keanu Reeves had spent years dwelling in the pit of “Well, he’s been in a few good movies, but …” But now we could lift him out of there, throw him onto our shoulders, and parade him around town. All hail Keanu. He will lead us to the promised land.

And then John Wick: Chapter 2 came out, offered to us by angels and Summit Entertainment, and it was also so, so good. To think that the first John Wick had been nothing but a pleasant appetizer would’ve seemed absurd in 2014. “Obviously, this is the peak of humanity,” Barack Obama said just after viewing John Wick. BUT LO, John Wick: Chapter 2 improved on its predecessor. If my home ever catches on fire, I will grab my John Wick Blu-rays and somersault out the window in tribute to John Wick. “Help us put out the fire!” my neighbors will shriek. “Why?” I’ll say. “I already have all that I’ll need.”

And then headlines popped up on my favorite movie news sites. Things like “JOHN WICK SPINOFF” and “JOHN WICK UNIVERSE.” I popped champagne in my office, which ruined my laptop, but you can’t care about material possessions in times like this (unless those possessions are John Wick 1 and 2, now on Blu-ray.) But then I read further, and as it turns out, this John Wick spinoff was just a script. A script that Lionsgate had won in a bidding war. An action script about an awesome assassin who is not John Wick and, at this time, doesn’t really have any relation to John Wick.

The script is called Ballerina, and trust me, I really wanna see Ballerina come to fruition. Films like Mad Max: Fury Road and Wonder Woman and Atomic Blonde have hopefully started a trend wherein we can see female-led action movies way more frequently than we used to. But please, can we only announce a John Wick spinoff when we know that it’s going to be a John Wick spinoff?

I’m used to the things that I love letting me down. Every day, Marvel and DC announce that they might be making a movie with the characters that I’ve loved for years. Recently, it was announced that Wonder Woman director Patty Jenkins was in “negotiations” with Warner Bros about doing a sequel to Wonder Woman, when the headline should’ve logically read “Patty Jenkins Directs Best DC Film Since The Dark Knight. She Gets Anything She Wants.” These things make me sad, because Hollywood is a place where dreams are made. And it’s also a place where dreams are announced, and then no one does anything with those dreams for a looong time.

John Wick is too young for this. He’s just a little baby franchise, and I don’t want to get cynical about Keanu, sitting in his cinematic crib, snapping every bone within arm’s length. So please, let’s just wait until something is certain. And until then, we can rewatch John Wick: Chapter 2. Have you seen it? It’s pretty damn great.

7/25/2017: Superman’s Mustache Is Getting Digitally Erased

By Lydia Bugg

Justice League has hit a snafu. Warner Bros. is shelling out a staggering $25 million for Justice League reshoots in hopes to “adjust the tone” of the film to be more like Wonder Woman — that is, something people would actually enjoy watching. These reshoots are taking place far after the original shooting, which wrapped nine months ago.

In the time since, Henry Cavill was contractually obligated to grow a rockin’ mustache for his role in Mission: Impossible 6. Warner Bros. absolutely cannot deal with a mustachioed Superman, and Paramount apparently has a fever, and the only cure is a full, healthy, mustache. We at Cracked like to imagine that the two companies had to sit down for what can only be described as mustache negotiations.

“Why can’t you just have him reading a newspaper, or peeping over a fence in every scene? Add a little bit of a sense of mystery to Superman?” Paramount must have said.

“Why can’t you just use a fake mustache?” Warner Bros. replied.

“NEVER!” Paramount screeched, as they slammed their hands on the conference table so hard that it broke in two. “That mustache is the character. That mustache saves the world. That mustache is replacing Tom Cruise in Mission: Impossible 7 — The Impossiblest Mission!”

Warner Bros., both mystified and terrified by Paramount’s passion for authentic facial hair, decided the only solution was to digitally remove Cavill’s mustache in every single newly shot scene. How much do you think that added to the special effects budget? I feel really sorry of the poor CGI guy who had the job of making awesome monsters and crumbling buildings, but now he’s spending the next three months starring at Henry Cavill’s upper lip.

Or maybe there is a Hollywood “mustache guy” who specializes in this kind of thing. If they can take the mustache off of Henry Cavill, couldn’t they put it on another actor? Oh my god, you guys, does Tom Selleck even have a mustache? What other stars might be rocking a full handlebar and we’re not even aware? I’m looking at you, Helen Mirren.

As usual, Hollywood has found a multi-million-dollar solution to a problem that could easily be solved by a Mach 3 razor. I’m going to be so pissed if Wonder Woman’s Lasso of Truth gets cut out of Justice League because they went way over their mustache budget.

I for one would be 100 percent on board for Mustache Superman. He’s been dead. Can’t the man let himself go a little bit? Maybe instead of being dead, he’s been in Williamsburg drinking craft beer and restoring antique bicycles. Hipster Superman could be cool. In that case, he might need to grow even more of a mustache. Or they could just keep the same mustache guy they have, but instead of taking it out, he digitally enhances the mustaches in order to get those full, curly tips. Can we digitally put a top hat and steampunk vest on Superman as well? I really think this could work, you guys. Fingers crossed for hipster mustache Superman.

7/24/2017: Comic-Con Wants You To Die In A Flood Of Trailers

By Luis Prada

Comic-Con doesn’t give a shit anymore. It’s done playing nice. It used to be a fun fan fest, but now it’s an unrelenting pop cultural blitzkrieg of trailers that none of us — NONE — are emotionally or psychologically prepared to handle. The annual pummeling we receive is the price we must pay to make all of our childhood nerd dreams come true.

Childhood you wanted to see a Justice League movie? Well gird your puny shriveled loins, you idiot, because here’s four-minute Justice League trailer. And because they want to bury you beneath a mountain of the things you ask for, here’s a Flash movie based on the “Flashpoint” story arc. You know what that means: MASSIVELY CONVOLUTED ALTERNATE TIMELINES AND “WHAT IF?” SCENARIOS ARE COMING TO THE BIG SCREEN, AND YOU BETTER NOT COMPLAIN BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT YOU WANTED AND YOU WILL DIE BENEATH IT.

You wanted an Avengers movie? Well, you got two already, and now here’s blurry camera phone footage of the footage of the third one that was filmed from an angle so bad I have to assume the person who shot it incidentally filmed the trailer as he was trying to get upskirt shots. And you’re such a junkie that you’ll suck down that wad of horrendous camera work and ask for more.

They know you’ll take any little morsel you can get, so the keepers of our pop cultural addictions will degrade you, reducing to something less than human. Instead of releasing the footage of Black Panther shown during the panel, they give you the cast of Black Panther reacting to the footage of Black Panther. Oh, and in case you still have one nerve ending left undamaged and still twitching, here’s another trailer for Thor: Ragnarok that is an exhausting and overwhelming assault on your senses by itself.

And you know what, you little shits? Like a typhoon crashing down and laying waste to a city, killing thousands, here’s the trailer for The Defenders. And here’s another trailer for The Defenders, but this time it’s narrated by and starring Stan Lee for reasons that make perfect sense when you consider shutting the fuck up, opening your supple mouth, and taking in the funnel so they can fatten you up like a delicious foie gras goose.

Comic-Con is wise. It knows you have a high tolerance for such an onslaught of trailers. So this year it performed a coup de grace to make sure it knocked your dumb ass into a pop culture coma. You like all this nerdy stuff? Well, here’s the trailer for the second season of Stranger Things, a show that’s one pop culture reference after another, and then here’s the trailer for Steven Spielberg’s adaptation of Ready Player One, a book and now a movie that’s nothing but one pop culture reference after another.

The message of this year’s Comic Con was loud, clear, and violent: Choke on the things you love, you lowly dipshits. Choke.

For more, check out This Week In Pop Culture (7/21/2017) and What Stupid Thing Is Trending Now? (7/23/2017).

Subscribe to our YouTube channel, and check out President Donald Trump Is Actually Good, Mark Zuckerberg Is Actually Not, and watch other videos you won’t see on the site!

Also follow us on Facebook… Hurry!

If we’ve ever made you laugh or think, we now have a way where you can thank and support us!

Make a contribution

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/11/25/this-week-in-pop-culture-72817/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/167882273452

[allofbeercom]

This Week In Pop Culture (7/28/17)

7/28/2017: The Emoji Movie Finally Broke Critics

By Lydia Bugg

Congratulations are due to The Emoji Movie today. Not for its plot, its characters, or for being a decent movie in any conceivable way. The Emoji Movie has transcended cinema. It’s not just a movie; it’s become a piece of performance art wherein the audience gets to watch the light slowly die in the eyes of the movie critics who had to see it.

Take, for instance, this review from The Guardian, which reads: “A viewer leaves The Emoji Movie a colder person, not only angry at the film for being unconscionably bad, but resentful of it for making them feel angry.” The man who wrote that sentence is not OK. He is going to need all the support he can get from his loved ones, and perhaps his favorite childhood toy to get him through the night.

Jordan Hoffman of The New York Daily News concluded his review with: “Sadly market saturation will prevent this from being the [bomb emoji] it ought to be — so get ready for “The Fidget Spinner Movie” or some other [poop emoji].” If that doesn’t sound like a man who’s completely lost his faith in the American public, I don’t know what does. His use of emojis throughout the article are as much a sign of Stockholm’s syndrome as they are a sign he wanted to finish the review as quickly as possible and move on with his life.

In fact, I believe that’s how most of the critics felt when reviewing this movie. No one was sitting down to write a scathing, angry rant — they all just sound so, so tired. The AP, Common Sense Media, and The LA Times, all used the word “meh” in their reviews. These people work for some of the largest media companies in the world. They can think of a word other than “meh,” but spending the time to do that means spending 30 more goddamn seconds thinking about The Emoji Movie, and they are not going to let that happen to them.

There are a few critics out there with at least a little bit of fight left in them. Brian Orndorf of Blu-ray.com managed: “A soulless endeavor and a painful viewing experience. Your kids deserve better.” These are the brave soldiers of The Emoji Movie; those who made it out the other end, mostly intact and able to write a full review instead of just an elongated sigh.

I think part of the reason this one was so tough for critics was that the collective groan the world let out when The Emoji Movie was announced turned around at some point to a hopeful feeling. No one was especially hyped for The Lego Movie at first, and it turned out to be great. The casting decisions sounded good. If Patrick Stewart and T.J. Miller signed on to it, it must at least be OK, right? Seeing the actual movie was like a having a cold bucket of water dumped over their birthday cake in lieu of blowing out the candles. Now they can’t unsee what they have seen, and they are mentally scarred. Wherever you are today, pour one out for your local movie critics. If you see one in the street, tell them you appreciate them. Maybe give them a hug if they’ll let you. But as you gaze into their broken, hollow eyes, feel not pity but fear. If you see this movie, a similar fate may await.

7/26/2017: John Wick Is Getting A Spinoff! Sort Of! Maybe!

By Daniel Dockery

In 2014, we encountered John Wick, a movie in which Keanu Reeves shoots at bad guys. And in the event that he can’t shoot at a bad guy, he breaks that bad guy’s body parts. He does this with intense gusto, and audiences around my apartment and the world applauded him. Keanu Reeves had spent years dwelling in the pit of “Well, he’s been in a few good movies, but …” But now we could lift him out of there, throw him onto our shoulders, and parade him around town. All hail Keanu. He will lead us to the promised land.

And then John Wick: Chapter 2 came out, offered to us by angels and Summit Entertainment, and it was also so, so good. To think that the first John Wick had been nothing but a pleasant appetizer would’ve seemed absurd in 2014. “Obviously, this is the peak of humanity,” Barack Obama said just after viewing John Wick. BUT LO, John Wick: Chapter 2 improved on its predecessor. If my home ever catches on fire, I will grab my John Wick Blu-rays and somersault out the window in tribute to John Wick. “Help us put out the fire!” my neighbors will shriek. “Why?” I’ll say. “I already have all that I’ll need.”

And then headlines popped up on my favorite movie news sites. Things like “JOHN WICK SPINOFF” and “JOHN WICK UNIVERSE.” I popped champagne in my office, which ruined my laptop, but you can’t care about material possessions in times like this (unless those possessions are John Wick 1 and 2, now on Blu-ray.) But then I read further, and as it turns out, this John Wick spinoff was just a script. A script that Lionsgate had won in a bidding war. An action script about an awesome assassin who is not John Wick and, at this time, doesn’t really have any relation to John Wick.

The script is called Ballerina, and trust me, I really wanna see Ballerina come to fruition. Films like Mad Max: Fury Road and Wonder Woman and Atomic Blonde have hopefully started a trend wherein we can see female-led action movies way more frequently than we used to. But please, can we only announce a John Wick spinoff when we know that it’s going to be a John Wick spinoff?

I’m used to the things that I love letting me down. Every day, Marvel and DC announce that they might be making a movie with the characters that I’ve loved for years. Recently, it was announced that Wonder Woman director Patty Jenkins was in “negotiations” with Warner Bros about doing a sequel to Wonder Woman, when the headline should’ve logically read “Patty Jenkins Directs Best DC Film Since The Dark Knight. She Gets Anything She Wants.” These things make me sad, because Hollywood is a place where dreams are made. And it’s also a place where dreams are announced, and then no one does anything with those dreams for a looong time.

John Wick is too young for this. He’s just a little baby franchise, and I don’t want to get cynical about Keanu, sitting in his cinematic crib, snapping every bone within arm’s length. So please, let’s just wait until something is certain. And until then, we can rewatch John Wick: Chapter 2. Have you seen it? It’s pretty damn great.

7/25/2017: Superman’s Mustache Is Getting Digitally Erased

By Lydia Bugg

Justice League has hit a snafu. Warner Bros. is shelling out a staggering $25 million for Justice League reshoots in hopes to “adjust the tone” of the film to be more like Wonder Woman — that is, something people would actually enjoy watching. These reshoots are taking place far after the original shooting, which wrapped nine months ago.

In the time since, Henry Cavill was contractually obligated to grow a rockin’ mustache for his role in Mission: Impossible 6. Warner Bros. absolutely cannot deal with a mustachioed Superman, and Paramount apparently has a fever, and the only cure is a full, healthy, mustache. We at Cracked like to imagine that the two companies had to sit down for what can only be described as mustache negotiations.

“Why can’t you just have him reading a newspaper, or peeping over a fence in every scene? Add a little bit of a sense of mystery to Superman?” Paramount must have said.

“Why can’t you just use a fake mustache?” Warner Bros. replied.

“NEVER!” Paramount screeched, as they slammed their hands on the conference table so hard that it broke in two. “That mustache is the character. That mustache saves the world. That mustache is replacing Tom Cruise in Mission: Impossible 7 — The Impossiblest Mission!”

Warner Bros., both mystified and terrified by Paramount’s passion for authentic facial hair, decided the only solution was to digitally remove Cavill’s mustache in every single newly shot scene. How much do you think that added to the special effects budget? I feel really sorry of the poor CGI guy who had the job of making awesome monsters and crumbling buildings, but now he’s spending the next three months starring at Henry Cavill’s upper lip.

Or maybe there is a Hollywood “mustache guy” who specializes in this kind of thing. If they can take the mustache off of Henry Cavill, couldn’t they put it on another actor? Oh my god, you guys, does Tom Selleck even have a mustache? What other stars might be rocking a full handlebar and we’re not even aware? I’m looking at you, Helen Mirren.

As usual, Hollywood has found a multi-million-dollar solution to a problem that could easily be solved by a Mach 3 razor. I’m going to be so pissed if Wonder Woman’s Lasso of Truth gets cut out of Justice League because they went way over their mustache budget.

I for one would be 100 percent on board for Mustache Superman. He’s been dead. Can’t the man let himself go a little bit? Maybe instead of being dead, he’s been in Williamsburg drinking craft beer and restoring antique bicycles. Hipster Superman could be cool. In that case, he might need to grow even more of a mustache. Or they could just keep the same mustache guy they have, but instead of taking it out, he digitally enhances the mustaches in order to get those full, curly tips. Can we digitally put a top hat and steampunk vest on Superman as well? I really think this could work, you guys. Fingers crossed for hipster mustache Superman.

7/24/2017: Comic-Con Wants You To Die In A Flood Of Trailers

By Luis Prada

Comic-Con doesn’t give a shit anymore. It’s done playing nice. It used to be a fun fan fest, but now it’s an unrelenting pop cultural blitzkrieg of trailers that none of us — NONE — are emotionally or psychologically prepared to handle. The annual pummeling we receive is the price we must pay to make all of our childhood nerd dreams come true.

Childhood you wanted to see a Justice League movie? Well gird your puny shriveled loins, you idiot, because here’s four-minute Justice League trailer. And because they want to bury you beneath a mountain of the things you ask for, here’s a Flash movie based on the “Flashpoint” story arc. You know what that means: MASSIVELY CONVOLUTED ALTERNATE TIMELINES AND “WHAT IF?” SCENARIOS ARE COMING TO THE BIG SCREEN, AND YOU BETTER NOT COMPLAIN BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT YOU WANTED AND YOU WILL DIE BENEATH IT.

You wanted an Avengers movie? Well, you got two already, and now here’s blurry camera phone footage of the footage of the third one that was filmed from an angle so bad I have to assume the person who shot it incidentally filmed the trailer as he was trying to get upskirt shots. And you’re such a junkie that you’ll suck down that wad of horrendous camera work and ask for more.

They know you’ll take any little morsel you can get, so the keepers of our pop cultural addictions will degrade you, reducing to something less than human. Instead of releasing the footage of Black Panther shown during the panel, they give you the cast of Black Panther reacting to the footage of Black Panther. Oh, and in case you still have one nerve ending left undamaged and still twitching, here’s another trailer for Thor: Ragnarok that is an exhausting and overwhelming assault on your senses by itself.

And you know what, you little shits? Like a typhoon crashing down and laying waste to a city, killing thousands, here’s the trailer for The Defenders. And here’s another trailer for The Defenders, but this time it’s narrated by and starring Stan Lee for reasons that make perfect sense when you consider shutting the fuck up, opening your supple mouth, and taking in the funnel so they can fatten you up like a delicious foie gras goose.

Comic-Con is wise. It knows you have a high tolerance for such an onslaught of trailers. So this year it performed a coup de grace to make sure it knocked your dumb ass into a pop culture coma. You like all this nerdy stuff? Well, here’s the trailer for the second season of Stranger Things, a show that’s one pop culture reference after another, and then here’s the trailer for Steven Spielberg’s adaptation of Ready Player One, a book and now a movie that’s nothing but one pop culture reference after another.

The message of this year’s Comic Con was loud, clear, and violent: Choke on the things you love, you lowly dipshits. Choke.

For more, check out This Week In Pop Culture (7/21/2017) and What Stupid Thing Is Trending Now? (7/23/2017).

Subscribe to our YouTube channel, and check out President Donald Trump Is Actually Good, Mark Zuckerberg Is Actually Not, and watch other videos you won’t see on the site!

Also follow us on Facebook… Hurry!

If we’ve ever made you laugh or think, we now have a way where you can thank and support us!

Make a contribution

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/11/25/this-week-in-pop-culture-72817/