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historia-vitae-magistras · 10 days ago

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Choices

The Dreadnoughts song "Brisbane Harbor" opens with "Prick your finger it is done, turn your face into the sun." i.e. the subject of the song has signed onto this journey for ill or good and regardless has to make the best of it and return with his humanity intact. This is one of those moments where that choice is made. This is one of the most experimental, darkest and nastiest things I've ever written. TW for several flavors of violence and trauma and several flavors of assault while I'm at it. This is also a take on a reversal of the myth of the crucified Canadian. I did my best to be as fleeting and undescriptive about things as I could but It's still fairly nasty. Please keep that in mind if you choose to read. Your own eyes are responsible for your own emotions from here on out as you have been warned.

March, 1916.

Zee?” Jack opened the length of tent canvas that served as a door and shoved his way inside. “Zee what happened?”

She sat on a cot, or maybe an officer’s folding chair. He doesn’t know. Just that the blanket around her shoulders is open and her shirt is torn and he’s never been so angry and afraid in his life in that moment, his grip going white on the beam holding up all this canvas. But she looks at him and he shoves it down, shoves it where it can come up for air later when he can scream to the heavens because he can’t right now. She’s looking at him the way she’s looked at him when she died of scarlet fever, terrified of nothing but the way she went quiet when she was in pain and how the world around her and the people in it could drown her out in a way they never could when she was well.

There were people around her. Father, their uncles, Matt, nurses and officers, buzzing around like fucking carrion birds. She was shaking and looked at him, and he could tell she’d been crying and she looked at the people around her, touching her and getting in her space and the strain was unbearable. She was an island, she liked the waters clear around her.

“Get out!�� He bellowed. He shoved the nearest red tab and stuffed him out the tent flap and kicked another one on the arse to follow besides. “Get out! Get away from her!” Dad looked up, bewildered but didn’t need any explaination to start ordering the same, the old lion roaring that he’d kill them all if they didn’t move, didn’t get out, didn’t leave them be. He gives Jack a look as if to ask permission for something.

He’s not sure he loves his father, since Gallipoli but they love her. Jack practically throws people out of his way and Zee is arms out, sobbing, crushing the distance of the Tasman before he can even open his arms to hold her. Dad gives one last look and Jack knows he'll be outside with Matt, prowling and protecting them but the last glance he gives is sad and Jack is glad. Maybe he'll see what he's done, letting high spirits, including Jack's own, throw them into a war without a way out. Zee turns, trying to get more contact and he can see a bruise on her shoulder.

“What happened?” He demanded. “What did they do?”

“Ludwig— He—” She made a wretched sound and his heart hurt so much for her.

“Did he hurt you?” He rested his cheek on her head and held her tighter trying so much just to not melt down just hearing the fear in her. "If he touched you—"

“No!" Zee said. "No, not like that. It's Ludwig he's never even looked at a girl. He jumped me behind the lines to make sure I knew he could. I fought—"

"Course you did!" Jack agreed. "I'm sure you put the fear of God into him!"

"I took a chunk out of him." She said and he could still see a smudge of blood on her cheek to prove it. "And I could have thrown them all out just now too!"

She cried. And he almost laughs, because of course she could. She could howl down the roof of the world with those geysers of hers and the windpipe to match.

“I know.” He said. “But its not like Dads good for much these days. Good to let him feel useful. Proper kind of you.”

She barked out a laugh but a sob came so quickly on its heels he started up with her, blinking down tears.

"What do you need?" He said.

The crying started again and his shirt was getting damp.

"I won't be Aunt Brighid!" She blurted. "I won't spend my fucking life one step ahead of armies waiting for the sack."

"Not as long as I'm breathing!" He said. Because that's the easy part. It's the quiet part, the reassuring and God awful stillness of it that's harder.

He doesn’t have time to say before she's pulling away from him, not far enough she has to let go of his hand but far enough to look at him and look at him hard.

"Take Matt and hunt him down and make sure he knows there are consequences! You tell him if he touches any of us, he and the Prussian bastard will pay for it! I am not some fucking piece on the board to be terrified and played this way or that. Do you hear me? I won't! I won't be tossed around like that ever again. And then you come back in one piece because I'm going to need another hug."

"He won't dare." Jack said, and kissed her hair, meaning it more than anything. "If he's not already terrified of you he will be. And I'll be quick."

"Don't kill him." Zee said. "He doesn't deserve it."

_______

"Give me your bayonet and back off," Matt commands in that low tone of voice that reverberates through the trees, through the fog and the smoke and the night, driving deep into Jack's belly where fear should be. But there is little there since Gallipoli, and even less since Zee stumbled off the line with her collar torn and her eyes wild. He hands over the bayonet.

Matt has shucked his helmet. His hair is shorn, and his face is dark like a thunderstorm above the outback, the kind that threatens to shatter Jack's entire continent asunder. Ludwig is pinned to the fake tree that Matt himself had occupied only moments before, lying in wait like a wolf spider until the right German, Germany himself, had stumbled across the mud. Matt had sprung the trap, and Ludwig had fallen. He stands now, pinned to the tree with bayonets spiked through his wrists, Christlike.

"You don't deserve to be martyred," Matt snarls as he hammers the third bayonet into the thin slice of muscle and clothing just next to the groin. Jack clenches as he sees how near the crux of Ludwig's thighs it lands. Matt draws in close.

"If you ever touch them again, I will find you. And I won't miss. Are we understood?"

There's a sluggish nod as piss and blood mix and trail down the grey trousers. Jack can't really look at Ludwig's face. Their enemy—wire-thin, half-starved—stands there. Matt has no guilt, but Jack—wracking guilt is worse than the medieval torture rack, the way it floods, hot and bile-like through Jack's veins, replacing his blood and his brain and his sense and his sincerity. Matt's knife comes out, the long wicked thing he had carved Jack a tiny lopsided koala with when he'd been tiny and miserable in London that first Christmas more than a century before. Jack wants to vomit. The knife comes up, swinging horribly accurate in Matt's hands, blurring in the dark with a glint that shines like a sparking telegraph wire strung between his brother's hand and Germany's sternum. Jack's hand lifts and stays Matt's hand.

"Enough!" he says before he can stop himself. "That's enough! He gets the picture!"

"He hurt her. This was her idea."

"He scared her. It's war. And you've scared him and more. Fucking hell Matt, look at him. We're supposed to be the good side, and this—this isn't good!"

"I don't care," Matt snarls, turning the same tone on Jack that he had just used on Ludwig. "Crawl back and hide behind Zee's skirts if you want! I'm finishing this."

"Finishing what? The war? Does your entire country collapse when they kill you? No! Stop it! Walk away before you lose yourself, Matt!"

Matt's eyes flicker up. Even the rich blue of them has dissolved into the mud with the last of his decency, or maybe the gas since he healed from the chlorine, leaving pale irises to blend into the whites. Jack thinks it might be too late. Matt's humanity might be gone, dissolved into France the way it had come into being.

"This isn't what Zee wants," he says instead. "She doesn't want it to happen like this. She doesn't want this. And it's her who's hurt that matters here. Not yours. This is not about the gas, Matt. Do you hear me? You will be walking over her wants her as much as he did if you continue. This is not what she wants!"

Her shaking, Aunt Brighid's screams. He puts more pressure on Matt's knife hand and stares him down.

Matt's face doesn't change. Ludwig, who has been silent this long, looks at Jack like Jack gives a shit about what happens to him, and not the dozen times Zee has made the choice to be a human being. The dozens more he has for her sake and his own. Not this piece of shits. The knife draws up and Jack thinks for one horrendous moment Matt will slit another throat in front of him but he doesn't lose his grip on Matt's wrist, and after a long moment, Matt looks at him, really looks at him.

His face gives nothing, but he plucks up the bayonets, stepping back with a look of mild disgust when Ludwig's blood stains his sleeves. Not guilt, not even regret. Jack feels something horrendously like fear then.

"I will hunt you down and put you down like a rabid dog if you touch my family again. I don't care what agreement exists between your brother and my father. I will hang the pieces of your body where every German will see, where your brother will find you, part by part. Speak you understand or I'll do it right now. As long as I'm breathing they are as untouchable as Alfred. Do you understand?"

Jack looks away.

#my writing || cacoethes scribendi #jack || a land of summer skies #Ludwig || in deinem Herzchen klein #matthew || my country is winter

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maxsimagination · 1 year ago

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𝘀𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗱 𝗺𝘂𝗺 - 𝗸.𝗴𝗼𝗿𝗿𝘆

summary: harper plays match-maker & inadvertently manages to get her mum to go ask a girl out.

𖦹 masterlist

"𝗛𝗘𝗬 𝗞𝗔𝗧, 𝗬𝗢𝗨 seen harps?"

i knocked on katrina's hotel room door, but there was no response so i walked in. i was going to take harper down with me so katrina could get ready, but immediately stopped in my tracks when a saw the scene before me. harper was on the bed, katrina curled around her, both sound asleep.

my heart melted seeing my two favourite people together like that. as much as i wanted to let kat sleep longer, i knew i had to wake her up. coach wanted us down in a half hour for a team meeting about the game.

"kat, you gotta wake up now." i sat on the edge of the bed and placed a hand on her arm, shaking her a bit. she came to after a few moments of me shaking her lightly. kat's groggy face turned to look at who was tearing her from her sleep. "hey sleeping beauty." i grinned down at her. "mm, i jus' need five more minutes."

"we have that meeting soon, you gotta get up, min." everyone in the team called her mini, or min, because of her short stature, but i was an exception. i called her kat, only on occasion did i switch it for mini.

"fuuuuckk." she drawled out. eventually she sat up slowly and got up. the small child next to her had shuffled around and woke up at the slight commotion near her. "hey harps." i ruffled her her a bit and she giggled at me. i picked her up and smoothed down her clothes before katrina walked out of the bathroom, her hair fixed and looking slightly less tired.

"let's head down, yea?"

i only received a light mumble in response, kat's way of agreeing. we knew each other in and out by now, we'd been best friends for years. probably from the first time we met years ago at her then club, brisbane roar, and soon after mine.

i had signed a deal with the club, contracted for 5 years. katrina had already been there for a year or two when i joined, but her contract ran out two years before mine did. she moved from there that year, signing with some other club over in england, leaving me behind.

unbeknownst to me, she did a stint with the club in england but then moved to a sweden club which i would later sign with. it was a big offer from them and a big sign for me, having to move from australia to sweden and play for vittsjö gik. but i quickly decided it was the best decision i'd made in my life when i saw katrina on the training field at my first session. we were inseparable and attached at the hip again, we went everywhere together.

i had, very, quickly caught some sort of feelings towards the older woman when we first met and didn't know how to feel about that fact, choosing to ignore the butterflies that made chaos of my abdomen when i saw her.

i never knew if she had felt the same, and didn't want to ruin what bond we had together so i never said a word. now here we are, at national camp together, about 10 years later. it was a messy situation, especially on my end, but i made the most of it, loving every moment i got to spend with katrina, and her little harper.

"thank you for looking after harps, yn." she brought me out of my little daydream with her gratitude. "it's all good, kat. i love the kid as much as anyone." harper wriggled around in my arms at my words.

we had made it to the meeting room then, and joined the rest of the team to take a seat.

——

it felt like a whole year had gone by after we left that room. my butt had gone numb from how long i was in that seat for. harper was in my arms again as me and kat walked out and towards the cafeteria. i honestly thought i could eat a horse, my last meal was at breakfast, almost 5 hours ago. i grabbed what i could fit onto my plate and raced over to a table and placed everything on the surface. katrina handed harper off to me while she went to get her's and harps lunch.

we sat in comfortable silence eating our food, me more so devouring. i finished everything on my plate and was finally full. both kat and harper were still eating, and both were laughing at me and my content sighs after eating for two people. "shut up, i was starving." i send a joking look to kat and she laughs some more at me.

"mama. water, please." harper's voice catches us both off guard, and we both just stare at her as she looks at me and makes grabby hands for my water bottle.

"did she..?" i trail off in a silent question to katrina. "yea.. she did." i went white as a sheet, body frozen. i finally found it in me and passed harper my water bottle. the kid latches onto it and drinks some. i was still shocked and hadn't uttered any words other than confirming what we'd both seen with kat.

my brain seemed to malfunction as my mind told me i needed to leave. i grabbed my plate, making some sort of excuse to get out of the room.

i bolted, heading for my own room this time. i flopped down on my bed, mind racing a million miles and hour. harper called me mama! i was elated but also worried at the same time. what if kat didn't want her kid to think of me as her second mum? my nerves and anxiety were called to the forefront and i kept asking myself questions without answers.

it felt like two seconds but there was a knock on my door, and suddenly it opened. i shot upright, and seeing it was kat, flopped back down.

i couldn't even look her in the face as she walked over. "yn. are you okay?" "umm, yes?" it came out more as a question rather than a statement. "you're not. you were white as a ghost before." a split second of reckless thought sent me over the edge and i blurted. "harper called me mama." i didn't know what i was doing, i just needed to air that statement.

"yea, about that. i'm sorry, i didn't know she saw it like that." "you're.. sorry?" i was confused. did she not want me to be a mum to harper? "yea, i didn't think you wanted things to be like that."

surely she's joking. "kat.." i sat up and took a deep breath.

"katrina, i would love to be a mum to harper. i never told you any of this, and it's been at least 4 years of me bottling up my feelings. i have liked you so much, for the longest time. i have wanted nothing more to hug you as more than friends for the longest time. but i never said anything because i didn't want to ruin our friendship. you're like my best friend. but i want us to be more."

shit. i just ruined it didn't i? i looked up at katrina tentatively, scared to see her expression.

surprisingly, it wasn't one of hate. she almost looked.. relieved? "oh thank god." that was a new one. she sat down next to me so we were eye level again.

"i am so glad you said something, i would have gone another few years without saying anything. i like you so much more than friends, yn. i can't even begin to explain how thankful i am to have you in my life, to help me with harper, or to just be with me when i need a shoulder to cry on."

what she says catches me off guard, i fully expected her to shun me and tell me she wasn't interested.

"wait.. really?" she nods with a smile. "yes really. you mean so much to me-" i cut her off by pressing my lips to hers. she freezes up but just as quickly, kisses me back. her lips are soft, sweet, they taste like caramel. i had my hands on either side of her face. she moves hers down to wrap around my waist. everything around us stops moving as we continue in our own little world. finally we break apart to take a breath.

"katrina-lee gorry, do you wanna be my girlfriend?"

"always, yn yln."

#woso #woso x reader #woso community #katrina gorry #katrina gorry x reader #katrina gorry imagine

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aus-wnt · 2 years ago

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brisbaneroarfc | We’ve watched Harper Gorry grow up with us over the past two seasons. 🧡🦁

Enjoy these clips of Harper and all her Aunties. 🫶 Wait for the end to see her getting ready to be a Matilda.

We wish Katrina and Harper the best of luck over in Sweden.

#Katrina Gorry #Brisbane Roar #Matildas #AUSWNT

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daikenkki · 10 hours ago

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#A-League #football #Sydney FC #Brisbane Roar

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itsohh · 1 year ago

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To Let Go

A/N: Female reader, I take the canon and I fix it (make it worse). This had been stuck in my mind since I finished the campaign. Well after it soaked in. This does focus on your relationship with Soap / Ghost but also your friendship with Gaz. (He's just a great friend ngl)

Summary: A series of small snippets in the throuple life between you, Ghost and Soap. From when you first met through your mutual contact and friend Gaz until the end events of MW3.

Word count: 5005

Warnings: angst, major canon character death, sucidal thoughts, MW3 spoilers.

AO3 Masterlist

The Meeting

2020

The group of them stared at the table before them, Laswell on call. "This is far from home. We're going to need to get help." Price paused and looked towards Kate on the screen. "Got any friends that know Australia."

"A few." Her eyes cast towards Gaz. "You’re in luck, one just happens to live on your back door. Garrick knows them rather well."

Kyle's lips parted and he shook his head before he smiled and folded his arms.

"I'll track her down." Kate nodded.

"No need, I reckon I know where she probably is tomorrow night."

"And she'll help us?" Soap asked.

"She will if I ask."

The pub was a complete roar. It was uncomfortably packed. All the screens had been changed and the thick smell of alcohol filled the air. Everyone's focus was on their drinks and the screens above.

"This is where we find your contact?" Ghost hated the close proximity of everyone in the building.

"Yeah she should be right around the corner in a booth-" His voice was cut off as everyone in the pub let out a roar. Drinks clinked and splashed everywhere while people hugged each other. A different scene was set when he slipped into the corner booth. It had been almost completely empty, strange for such a packed pub.

"Gaz. Long time no see." You didn't look away from the television that was in perfect view.

"What game is it?" He asked as the rest of the task force slipped in next to him.

"Bledisloe Cup, in Brisbane."

"Who's winning?"

"Who's your friends?" You countered.

"This is Captain Price, that's Soap and this is Ghost."

For the first time, you took your eyes off the television and sized up the men. "Captain? Suppose this isn't a pleasure meeting then."

"'Friad not." Price spoke up.

"Hmm. Sorry, I can't help you. I'm suspended." You immediately shut them down. Gaz's lips parted and his body tensed up.

"You're suspended?"

"Uh-huh. We might be allies and all but can't help you if I'm not supposed to be working. Gonna have to find another girl for your situation."

"Why you suspended?" Soap asked.

You leaned on the table and your head turned towards him. "Officially or unofficially?"

"Give us both." Ghost answered.

"Well officially…" You swirled the liquid in your glass. "It's a paid suspension until I am reassigned."

"And unofficially?"

"I taught my Captain the importance of making the right call."

"You punched another one of your COs" Gaz sounded annoyed.

"This happen a lot?" Ghost asked.

"Only since they stuck me here."

"For someone whose job it is to play nice with others, you don't do a very good job of it," Gaz said. A smile curled up on your lips as you took a sip from your drink. “Do I even want to know?”

“No.”

“Would you tell me if I asked?”

“...Maybe another time.” Your eyes went up to the television and you pressed your lips together as your glass made contact with the table. “Hypothetically, what did yah need me for?”

The men exchanged looks and Gaz gave Price a small nod. Price produced a folder from inside his jacket and slid it on the table towards you. Your eyes found it and you flicked it open like a book. “This is… oh fuck this is Australian territory- this is…” Your eyes darted between the men. “Why the fuck do you want in here- actually don’t tell me. You guys won’t be able to legally get in here. The Australian government will never allow it. No Australian will help you.”

“Which is why our mutual friend recommended you.” Ghost spoke up.

“Gaz?” Your eyes landed on him and narrowed.

“Laswell.” Price corrected.

“Laswell’s in on this? Hmm, look yeah I know the area pretty well, not like any native but well enough. If you can get Laswell to pull some strings about my suspension I’ll help you out. Even if this is off the record I’m grounded and would be in a lot of trouble if I leave the country at the moment.” You drained the rest of your drink and spun the glass around on the table. Their eyes were drawn to the sight a second before you stood up. “Gaz has my number. Do call it sometime.”

“What about your game?” He gestured to the television above you.

“We already won the series. The outcome of this doesn’t matter. Besides, the mention of work has stained my night.”

Kiss Me

2021

You laughed as Soap sang out on the stage. His voice was horribly off-key but that didn't matter. The only thing that mattered was the pure joy on his face. You had been transfixed on him, just as Ghost was next to you. How could you not? Forget a ray of sunshine, he was the entire sun. Warm and full of light, he was breathtaking in a way that had your cheeks heat up.

It was so easy to pretend, the way he serenaded you. Truly a performance. Soap reached out for you to come join him and you furiously shook your head.

"No way MacTavish."

"Come on. You have been on the couch the entire night and it's not very often we get a karaoke machine."

"Thank god for that." Ghost mumbled next to you.

"I'm with Ghost on this one. If I had known that you would be trying to get me to do this, I would have shot you lot down at the pub."

"Awww come on, besides you had fun at the prison."

"It was in fucking Tasmania. I hate Tasmania. Get your boyfriend here to come and sing with you instead."

The pair of them froze the second and exchanged a look.

"Oh? Husbands then?"

"How did you know we were toge-"

"Soap we are almost always working. My room’s next to Ghosts. I hear you guys all the time."

"Fuckin hell." Ghost grumbled under his breath but Soap seemed almost excited by the information. There was a glint in his eyes as his lips curled up. It seemed like they had been trying to keep it a secret. Yet, the way he looked at you, the way both of them looked at you, there was something else to the matter.

"Heard all that but never bothered to come join us?"

You let out a cough of shock which turned into a fit. His gaze burned into your skin red hot and you turned to see a similar one from Ghost.

"You’re joking." You managed to cough out.

"Negative." Ghost's voice had your hair stand up on your skin with anticipation.

"You’re serious." You swallowed as you managed to compose yourself. You looked down for a moment.

"Less you don't want to. An't gonna force you."

"I don't do casual."

"Fine by me. What about you Ghost?"

"No complaints here."

"I- I've known you for like four months. Why? Have you been looking for a third is this-?"

"Nah, nothing like that. We like you." Soap sat on the sofa next to you and you could practically feel the way the boys were toying with you.

"Nothing more to it than that. Don't overthink this." Ghost's voice now came from behind you as you faced Soap.

"Do the pair of you normally fraternise with teammates?" You mean the words to come out humourous but your voice died a little and it came out as a breath.

"Only the pretty ones." Soap was quick to reply and you could practically feel Ghost roll his eyes behind you.

"Ask Johnny."

"Canni kiss you?"

"Yeah."

Soap leaned in, his lips slowly on yours and you were aware of Ghost the entire time. His eyes watching you but somehow that didn't turn you off in any way. You pushed into Soap and snaked a hand into his hair. It gave you a good place to grip as you deepened the kiss. He moaned into your lips, clearly delighted in the turn of events as your tongue sealed entrance into his mouth.

It was a request that wasn't granted right away as his tongue met yours and messily tangled with your own. Soap's hand landed on your thigh and gave it a decent squeeze but was promptly interrupted by the sound of the front door opening. Price and Gaz were back.

You separated from him, lips slightly swollen and Soap gave you a knowing smile. "We can continue this later yeah?"

"Yeah."

I Love you

2021

It had been a close call. Too close for anyone's liking. One of those 'life flashing before your life moments'. But it wasn't a bunch of memories of everything that ever happened to you. No, the only thing you could focus on was the voices of your friends, your lovers.

Price, Gaz, Soap and Ghost. While you couldn't understand what they were saying you could still hear them. You had been so horribly pinned down. If Ghost hadn't been there for overwatch you knew you would have been a goner.

It seemed like everyone had brushed it off. After all, close calls were part of the job, but it still played over and over like a broken record.

The warm bed with both of your lovers had been a sanctuary that you left. The night your mistress as you stared up to the sky. Death had stared you in the eyes and was killed.

"Can't sleep?" Ghost came up and joined you. He leaned on the barrier but you didn't turn to face him. It didn't surprise you, he was a light sleeper.

"Cut it a bit close today." You breathed.

"Saw that."

"Thanks for having my back."

"Someone has to keep you alive." A silence settled between the pair of you for a couple of minutes. It was a comfortable silence that danced well with the refreshing coldness of the night's air.

"One day this job will take me."

"Takes all of us. Good soldiers don't last long."

"Your still kicking."

"'M not a good soldier."

"Right bastard you are LT." Soap's voice joined the pair of you and he settled his way to your left.

"Sorry if I woke you Soap."

"Beds too cold with our the pair of you." He mumbled.

"Surprised you can tell with your furnace of a body." Ghost said.

"Oi-"

"I love you. Both of you." Your voice interrupted them and they went silent. "So much it hurts." You look down over the railing. "I could have died today without telling you. That doesn't sit right with me."

Soap whispered out your name and then you suddenly felt his arms around you. He pulled you into his chest and Ghost pressed his chest against your back. Sandwiched in between them you were engulfed in their bodies and warmth.

"We love you too, lass. Always."

Reunited

2022

Your legs burned. Most of your energy has already been spent on the mission. Now every Shadow in Las Almas was out to get you and you really just wanted a warm bed. Separated from the rest of your squad and alone in the dark, you could only hope that Soap and Ghost made it out.

Any hope to reunite with them had been thrown out the window when your radio broke. It didn't matter if you survived, only if they did. A trail of bodies marked where at least one of them had been. In all honesty, you couldn't tell the difference between Soaps or Ghosts kills. All were expertly done.

At the moment you could feel it. The difference between you and them. They were the best of the best. You? You certainly weren't bad but your spot in the team was one due to convenience and the information that they needed at the time. They would survive and you would not. Somehow the fact didn't make you was.

So long as they continued on. That's what mattered. That was the realisation you made as you slid down against a wall. A line of blood painted the wall behind you until you met the ground. The bullet wound that had gone clean through you had been attended to by the best of your ability but it was almost impossible to deal with the hole in your back.

You wondered if a Shadow would find you first or if you would just bleed out. A fate so many civilians of Las Alma's were given. A blinding light in the darkness had you squeeze your eyes shut. It was like the sun on steroids. It didn't matter much because the second you closed your eyes they became far too heavy to reopen.

"Fuck it's her. She bleeding bad."

"Get her in back, we need to go now."

Those voices, angels of their own kind. A weak smile curled on your face and you managed to grasp out while you were moved about. "Johnny." You weakly whispered and put your bloody hand on his face.

"I got you, we got you."

Care

2021

The lights were far too bright but nothing like you had experienced before. A groan left your lips and you attempted to move only to be stopped. A hand kept you still but you pushed away.

"Stop that else I'll let you bleed out."

"Simon?"

"Scared the shit outta us you know that?"

"’M sorry."

"Should be." You cracked your eyes open to meet his.

"Where are we?"

"A safe house Alejandro told me about. I patched up your wounds. You've been out for a while. Lucky too."

"That I didn't bleed out?"

"That nothing happened to you while we were gone."

"You left?"

"Had to, the three of us got Alejandro out of prison. The old man showed up with Gaz as well."

"Thank fuck they're okay."

Ghost continued to repatch your wound and your eyes cast across the room.

"What's going on?"

"Plans to take back the base." His eyes met yours as your mouth opened. "No your not coming."

You bit your tongue for a second and nodded. Silence ran between the pair of you, only the sound of the Vaqueros around you chattering away prevented true silence.

"Thought you were dead."

"Felt like it."

"You didn't radio in."

"It got busted."

"You took a bullet for Johnny."

"Rather I take it than him."

"He wanted to stay, to look for you."

"And you were the voice of reason I presume.

"Don't do that again."

"Ghost…"

His back straightened up and his eyes narrowed. "Wanted to search the entire city for you."

"That's Johnny for you-"

"-We both did."

"I…You made the right move in the end. Leaving."

"Couldn't lose Johnny as well. Wasn't easy convincing him to leave the city. Pure luck we found you."

"I don't know why you're mad at me. What did you want me to do?"

"You were ready to die there. You gave gave up. Don't ever stop fighting because we won't stop fighting to get you back. Ever. We're a team. Don't you forget that."

Roadtrip

2022

It had been hours that the group of you had been in the car. Save for the few put-stops made along the way. Ghost sat in the driver's seat to the right while Soap was on the left. The sun above was oh-so bright while the roads were relatively clear.

With your seatbelt stretched far, you leaned on Ghost's seat in front of you. There was only sometimes chatter among the pair of you. A comfortable silence settled in and was only disrupted when one of you saw something of interest outside the window.

The current silence was when your ears perked up. "Oh my god, I love this song. Turn it." You patted Soap's shoulder. Ghost was the one to turn it up but didn't say a word.

"Fan of Elton John huh?" Soap smiled over his shoulder.

His question was answered by your singing that picked up in the car. A wide grin spread across his face as he continued the duet with you.

Honey if I get restless

Baby, you’re not the type

That grin on his face was reflected on yours as you bobbed your head side to side with the music. Soap turned it up a little bit more.

When I was down

I was your clown

"An't that the truth." Ghost muttered and you slapped him on the shoulder but you couldn't help but laugh into the song.

Don't go breaking my heart

I won't go breaking your heart

Dance

2023

Soap and Ghost finally made it into the pub where Price and Laswell waited for them. There was a calm relaxed vibe in the room as the two men settled down with drinks in hand.

"Laswell. Captain." Ghost greeted and Ghost followed.

"Boys."

"Where's the other two?" Soap asked and Price lifted his glass to point towards the jukebox. There in front of it, you danced with Gaz. Poorly at that. Music blared seemingly louder when the pair of them looked.

Your head tilted back as you laughed only to duck down under Gaz's arm as the pair of you danced. Ever so faintly they could hear the pair of you sing along.

Ghost pulled out his seat and sat down, not taking his eyes off you for a moment. Soap did the same and while a piece of him wished that was him there with you- it brought him joy to see you having so much fun with Gaz.

Ghost's hand settled on Soap's knee under the table. The need for touch, any touch. "Been at it for a while those two have." Price lifted his drink to his lips.

"Make quite the dance couple." It was rare for them to see Laswell with her hair down, even if it was metaphorically.

"Mentioned something about not dancing since she moved out."

"They lived together?" Ghost asked.

"Briefly when she first moved to England from what I heard. Seems the dancing queens have finished up, you can ask yourself."

Love

2023

The smell of sex filled the air as you cuddled up to Simon's side. Completely bare, not even his mask protected his face. He looked directly at the ceiling as your head rested on his chest. Johnny mirrored you on the other side.

"I love you both." You hummed seemingly out of nowhere. Soap cocked a brow and Simon looked down at you.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

His End.

2023

There was something about going as fast as you possibly could and still being late. There was something about trying your damn hardest and still losing. There was something about giving your all and it all being taken.

There was something about arriving only to find your heart on the ground. Already dead. Just the last to know.

The sound of the trains ran in your ear. Gaz and Price's voices were so distant even though they were only a few metres away. The talk of a red wire met your ears but didn't enter. You were the first to crumble.

Your knees hit the ground in shock as your hand shakily reached for his face. Still warm. Still so so warm. You had just missed him. Two minutes early- two minutes and he would have been there. There, safe in your arms, not cooling on the ground.

"Simon." It was your other lover's name you called. In that moment the small whisper could only be heard by him as crouched next to you. It was all you could say. A beg for him to do something as if he could resurrect the man before you.

Broken and unsure, he was always the one with answers. The one that knew how to make things right. Not this time though. Tears didn't swell in your eyes. They couldn't. All you felt was cold. Shock cursing through you. No longer were you a hardened soldier but a young woman. A woman who had just lost her love.

When you finally looked up you found you weren't alone. Anger coursed through Price, a silent anger that oh had never seen before. A violent one that was only controlled by the tightness of his first.

Gaz had a sadness to his. He leaned down to close Johnny's eyes and you couldn't help the choke gasp that left your lips as he did so. When you finally dared to look at Simon's eyes, his met yours and you saw the glassy layer of tears that threatened but wouldn't fall.

He was gone.

Home

2023

It wasn't often you left without Ghost. Yet when the group of you silently got back to base, you didn't bother to go to the debriefing. You couldn't. Your body was on complete autopilot as the sight of Soap dead on the floor played your kind

That autopilot got you home. Not to the apartment that you shared with Soap and Ghost but your own apartment. The one you hadn't been to in what felt like years. Only the odd check-up for the sake of your insurance.

The door was pushed open and your feet took you inside. Your fingers found the record player and you turned it on. Just like you used to do many years ago when you first settled in there.

She packed my bags last night, pre-flight

Then you broke. Snapped. You were brought back and you let out a howl. A deathly scream and the damn burst. Johnny was gone and he was never coming back. Every moment had been the last. Only alive in memory, that promising future or his had been sniffled out.

It's lonely out in space

You swore out and grabbed the first thing you saw- a lamp- and smashed it down on the ground. "Johnny!" You screamed. A horse scream, one from the very pit of your core. The side table was pushed over as you saw red. Tears streamed down your face as you smashed the glass coffee table in front of your sofa. You didn't care that the glass cut into your first when it collided. It didn't matter in the grand scheme of things.

The television was the next to go. The DVD player was the perfect object to be filled out and sent into the middle of it.

Rocket man, burning out his fuse up here alone

Your CD collection, partially empty now thrown to the ground. What caught your eye though, was the pistol that had been strapped to the bottom of your side table. It had fallen from the holster and in a moment of grief, you picked it up.

The buzz of Gaz's phone had him pick up. It wasn't often that Ghost called him.

"Do you know where she is?"

"Went home didn't she?" Gaz's voice was quiet, tired.

"Not here. She's not picking up her phone either." Ghost didn't need to say that he was worried, Gaz already knew.

"Well, she could have meant her home. She has an apartment not too far from the base. I can text you the address. I have a key."

"I'll meet you there.”

The apartment building was rather dark when he arrived. In all honesty, the place you picked wasn’t the greatest. A shithole of an apartment complex really. But it was discrete and the neighbours never complained. Or at least they had never complained when he would share late nights with you with the music up loud.

Gaz knocked on the door a couple of times but didn’t receive an answer. Doubt crept up on him, perhaps you didn’t go back there. Regardless, he had to check. The key slid into the slot with ease and he pushed the door open. He silently swore as he saw the scene before him. Your entire apartment had been completely trashed, everything destroyed without mercy.

A light buzz from your record player hummed in the air but besides that, there was little sound. Or so he originally thought. As he took a step inside he heard the faintest of sobs coming from the kitchen. Gaz was on high alert and his hand went to the pistol at his hip. But when he reached the kitchen his shoulders dropped and his brows softened.

“Hey, hey, hey.” He rushed to your side. You sat on the floor with your back leaning against a kitchen cabinet. Blood ran down one of your hands. “What happened? W-”

“He's gone.” For a moment he thought you meant an intruder, someone trying to hurt you but realisation was quick to cross his face. Alarm bells went off in his head as his eye went to the gun that shook slightly in your trembling hand.

“I can’t… I can’t do it anymore Kyle. He's gone and I can’t… I can’t bear to be away from him.”

His head tilted in empathy as tears rolled down your face.

“I just want to be with him again. I wish we never went down there.”

“We had to, thousands would have died.”

A bitter laugh left your lips and you choked on your tears. “I know it's selfish of me to say but I would have preferred that. Anything to have him back.”

“You know that and I know you don’t mean that.”

“Fuck, I do. I really do Gaz. I love him so much.”

“He loved you too but he wouldn’t have wanted that.”

“Well, it doesn’t fucking matter anymore because he's gone.” You shouted out and waved the gun. “I’m so tired. So so tired. He didn’t deserve that. He's too good of a man. I would have given anything to trade places.”

“Your right, he was a good man.” Kyle moved so he was sitting next to you against the kitchen counter. “The best. I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone so head over heels for someone. For you and Ghost. I know for certain if something happened to either of you, any of us really, he woulda tore the world apart.” Gaz put his hand on your knee.

“I wish I could held him, have told him I loved him one more time.”

“He knew and I think it does matter what he wanted because you care about him. He would want you here with Ghost. If you…” Gaz paused, he couldn’t bring himself to say those words killed yourself. “Hung it in early, he’d be alone. He just lost Johnny, just like you did. I don’t think there would be anything left to him if something happened to you.”

“I…”

“Simon loves you. He’d be completely shattered. Just like the rest of us would.”

Your tears came down harder but he watched as your grip loosened on the gun and made the slightest twitch towards him. Slowly and gently, he took it from you and placed it on the countertop behind you. Gaz turned towards you and offered you a hug, one you took without hesitation and cried into his shoulder. Messy and wet but he didn’t care. His hand went to soothe your back as he held you tight.

As he looked over your shoulder his eyes made contact with Ghost’s. His eyes were glassy but hardened as he stood there frozen. “You’re not alone in this. I promise, we all hurting just as much. But we’re a team yeah? We got each other's back.”

You pulled back from Gaz and nodded. His hand came up your your cheek and wiped away the tears. “Ghost and I are gonna patch you up okay.”

“Ghost?” Your voice was small and vulnerable.

“Right here.” His voice came from behind you and you turned your head around. Guilt consumed your face and your eyes dropped. Ghost crouched down next to you and slowly took your bloodied hand.

“Promise me that you will stay.” Tears rolled down his face and were swallowed by the lower part of his mask. Neither of you had ever seen the man cry before. “Please.”

“I’m sorry.” You nodded your head and he pulled you into his arms.

“I can’t lose you.” He kissed the top of your head, his hands were shaking.

Call

2023

“-Yeah, I’m with them now. At her apartment with Ghost. It’s been a long night.”

“That Price?” Ghost’s voice was quiet as he looked over the sofa to see Gaz in the kitchen on the phone. Gaz nodded towards him before he walked over.

“Here's Ghost now.”

“You holding up?” Price’s gruff voice came through the phone and Ghost looked down to his lap where you lay there asleep. You were curled up to him, your hand now bandaged up.

“I’ll manage.”

“How is she?”

“Better not, almost lost her.”

“Yeah, Gaz mentioned. How bad is she?”

“She's strong, she’ll heal. It will always hurt but she can handle it.”

“Good. When you can tell her to take some time, the both of you.”

“Makarov’s still out there.”

“He is but we have allies and I won’t let something happen to hurt on my watch. She’ll need you.” Ghost gently stroked your head. “What about Johnny?”

“I’ve got the flights sorted, it’s what I originally called Gaz for. We leave in the afternoon.”

“Understood.”

“And Ghost? Take care.” Ghost's eyes looked over your calm face, still there. Still his. Still alive.

“Will do.”

Let go

The cool breeze soothed your body as you watched as Ghost opened the urn and let the wind catch.

Johnny's ashes spread out in a swirl, destined for the water below. Despite all the pain and all the grief you could help but smile. Just ever so slightly. Gaz had been right. It did matter what Johnny wanted. He would have liked this, to be returned home. He would have liked all four of you there with him.

Kyle gently squeezed your hand and you wiped away the silent tears on your face. It would be easy dealing with the pain and grief but in that moment, you knew things would get better.

#mw3 spoilers #ghost x reader #soap x reader #ghost x reader x soap #gaz & reader #simon riley #johnny mactavish #kyle gaz garrick #cod x reader #mw2 x reader #mw3 x reader

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