#bringitbackinonepiece

[dassandre-00qpidsarrow]

Damage in Pyjamas

Look closely, my friends.  Q is wearing his pyjamas!!

[dartier]

Calligram: The Vesper Martini

The Vesper Martini

Three measures of grief

One measure of betrayal

Half a measure of bliss

Shake well until it is as cold as a corpse

Pour into a glass chilled with regret

For 007 Fest 2021: Poetry Prompt Table - Calligram and Food Prompt Table - Vesper Martini

[spiritofcamelot]

Original Q Branch Minions: A Q Brancher’s Rec List

Self insert is a fine tradition of fanfic and creating Q branch minions is a wonderful way to insert yourself, your friends, your family, whoever. Some are merely background names, and some have found a dear place in reader’s hearts. Here follows some excellent ones. Feel free to add on others in a reblog!

The Origin of R by Venstar

Ven writes an amazing R. She steals the show in nearly every fic with her sass and chaotic nature. So it’s only fitting that the list should start here.

Dart's Drabble Trailer by Dart - Chapter 5

I’m biased since it was for a prompt I gave, but Lucy is a very fun minion who has the right mindset but has seen too much.

Take Your Pet to Work by Venstar

And, well, if you want more, this is another great one. Also includes many cats.

Public Knowledge by Linorien

Shameless self rec here. I had a lot of fun creating this Q brancher with a crush. And I’m very proud of how it turned out so it goes on the list.

Cupcake by Dassandre

It is to my shagrin that I only read this recently. It is a joy of a story and the Q branchers are a delight.

Digital Legends by Linorien

Oh look, another self-rec. I put tons of Q branch OCs in this one and I had a lot of fun coming up with some screen names.

Blue Haired Mission by AsheTarasovich (natalieashe), Boffin1710, Dassandre

Q does enjoy messing with the minions a little bit, but there’s a good, is odd, reward at the end. I really relate to how Murphy is overthinking everything in this.

[dartier]

Acrostic

Q

Understands a thing or seven

About

Regret and

Taming the untamable

Errant agents and Potter hair alike

Ridiculous brain that he has, he

Makes his own magic

And bends the world to his will

Strikes those that would hurt his

Thinks his way through all impossibilities,

Except how to evict James Bond from his

Ridiculous heart.

[dartier]

Shhhh!! Our Beloved Overlord is Sleeping

Forget Protective James Bond, Q-Branch Minions will cut a bitch. (Joke all you want about our prototype lightsabers, but those babies reach 2200C.)

Celebrate Q-Branch day, but do it quietly. Q's been up for days and you do not want to be the one to wake him. Leave any offerings at the shrine. You'll know it when you see it.

[dartier]

00Q00 Headcanon:

Stroppy Q is their favorite. Except maybe for Melted into a Puddle of Goo Q.

Autocorrect votes for Strippy Q.

If you can't make your Quartermaster cease all higher Math Functions, you will damn well hear about it.

Alec and James spend too much time scheming creative ways to rile up their Boffin.

It's a toss up who enjoys Q smacking their arses back into line more.

Wait, that's a lie. It's the Minions. Definitely the Minions.

[spiritofcamelot]

Villain lair

Scav hunt #66:  Take picture of a location that looks like a villain's lair.

A remote house on a lake, secluded in the trees, the villains who use this headquarters have found this to be the perfect place to stay below the radar. They can run training sessions, interrogate prisoners, and go skinny dipping without fear of blackmail.

[spiritofcamelot]

Rise and Dine

The graphic design bug hit hard when @ao3-brihna was describing her story Twice Baked Temptations (which you should totally go read)

This also counts as scav hunt #88

[spiritofcamelot]

Tanner/Q/M Headcanon

It had started a long time ago. Before M's name was classified, even before Q's was.

It had been Q and Bill at first, the two intelligent men at the pub while all their friends were already smashed. They were the ones who cared about their exams the next day. A year later and they had a one bedroom flat together.

M came afterwards. They were all young members in the world of politics. Emboldened by the idea of changing the archaic ways and not yet bitter. After work drinks became after drinks sleepovers became something more.

Q was threatened first. His hacking had caught the attention of the higher ups and he barely had an hour to erase any signs that he and Bill were more than just roommates. They installed cameras in the flat and pretended Q didn't know exactly what they were.

They met up at hotels a few times, but it wasn't the same. By now they had a glimpse of the terrifying power the government had and they were even more determined to change it. And if Big Brother found out about their proclivities, they wouldn't be rising any higher.

They tried to stay friends, but you know how that goes.

They each moved up. Security clearences became an issue. They barely exchanged emails anymore.

So it was a surprise to Bill when he rose to Chief of Staff and saw a familiar name listed among the Q Branch staff. And when Q became Quartermaster, they found more time to spend together after work hours, sharing a beer while they coded or did paperwork.

And he was even more shocked when he booked a meeting for M with another familiar name. Though not as shocked as when Mallory walked into MI6 for the first time and was greeted by Tanner. Q smiled at their silent glances as he watched on the cctv.

Things were chaotic for the first couple months, of course they were. But after the debacle with Nine Eyes calmed down, a group text began.

"My place at 1800 tonight. Dinner and drinks."

"Just like old times?"

";)"

Afterall, they were Big Brother now. And they were changing the way things were run.

[spiritofcamelot]

Bond’s Skills

A headcanon for an anon prompt

James Bond was a man of many talents. But not always the right ones. 

It was a mission in Georgia that required pottery skills. He needed to go make friends with a group of military housewives who did pottery together every week. One of their husbands was selling military secrets and he had to find out who. And how. 

(It wasn’t actually any of the husbands. Susanne had been hiding messages in her pots and posting them on instagram.)

A mission in Afghanistan required him to learn how to fly a kite. It served as a low tech drone that wouldn’t look out of place in a public park. And he needed some serious skill to keep his string from getting cut by the other kites. 

(The military base actually was not involved in the arms deal. It was a bakery owner on the next street over.)

Q forced him to learn astrology of all the useless things in order to sway the mind of a CEO who was too superstitious for his own good. Bond wasn’t his only astrologer, but Bond was the only one who had Q Branch connections to make even the most detailed predictions come to fruition. 

(The mission failed, through no fault of Bond’s. The real failure was the fact that Bond couldn’t stop himself from reading the horoscopes in the paper. He always was a bit superstitious.)

But the oddest skill he learned for a mission was none of these. 

He had to learn how to charm snakes with a recorder just to replace their previous informant in India. Apparently no other cover would do.

[spiritofcamelot]

Scav Hunt #40: Tell the plot of a Bond film in a series of non-Bond gifs. 

I’ve been very inspired by everyone else’s so I did one. Is the spike trap door the most important part of OHMSS? No. Does it make me smile every time? Yes.

[spiritofcamelot]

They were never going to send a traditional wedding invite, were they? Not with both of them technically declared dead by MI6. So instead, the handful of people they trusted found a popup on their computer suddenly on the 22nd of July at 3:14pm. It covered nearly their whole screen and they weren’t able to move it or close it without RSVPing to the invite.

[dartier]

Bredlik: You Get Excite

my name is Pen

bond want to poke

he such a cock

q have a stroke

a leetle death

plez mind the spume

jus press my nib

i make the boom

[dartier]

Haiku: Winter has closed in

Spin me under stars

Mind our blades, keep our edges

One last death spiral

For @boffin1710 for suggesting ice skating rinks.

Poetry Prompt Table: Haiku

[dartier]

One of QB-E1's Strawberry Pie Recipes

In R&D, we’re all about Variations and Experimentation. You’ll note the picture is of a strawberry, cherry and blueberry pie. Don’t do that. Trust me. Just use strawberries.

Ingredients

1 (9-inch) blind-baked pie crust, cooled to room temperature

1 cup water

1 cup white granulated sugar

3 tbsp cornstarch

¼ cup strawberry gelatin powder (JELL-O)

2 pints maybe? fresh strawberries (hulled and washed). I usually use two pounds and then snack on what doesn’t fit in the crust.

Instructions

You can cut your strawberries in half or smaller, if you want. Or you can cut some and leave others whole. It’s your pie.

After checking your vicinity for Firebugs *cough—Alec—cough*, put a sauce pan, over medium-high heat, and add water, sugar, cornstarch, & strawberry gelatin.

Whisk together until thoroughly combined. And just keep whisking the entire time it’s on the heat. This is to prevent clumping or scorching, until mixture begins to come to a gentle boil.

Remove pan from the heat and allow the glaze to cool.

If your sink isn’t full of experiments, you could cool the pan faster in some ice water. You know better than to ask for dry ice. And the words Liquid Nitrogen had better not leave your lips. The walls have ears.

This will cool the glaze quickly and allow it to set up a smidge more.

As the glaze cools it will become a bit translucent and it will thicken a bit more as well.

Whisk it occasionally as it cools. It will be thickened but still pourable.

Add your berries to the (baked and cooled) pie crust.

Pour strawberry glaze over berries, make sure it coats them. (I just put the strawberries in the pan, give them a good stir and dump the whole thing in the crust sometimes. Don’t tell Mom.)

Set the time lock safe on the refrigerator for at least 2-3 hours before serving. Yes, you should wait that long. Yes, I know, no one wants to wait that long.

Notes

When ready to serve, dollop each slice with some sweetened whipped cream.

[dartier]

Q Branch Meme Contest Headcanon

>>Whenever Q Branch makes it 54 whole days without an Incident, Q will be the judge of the Q Branch Meme Competition.<<

Minion Cat McKittenney ruined it this month. She is shown here, working from home after her jaunt to Medical after an unfortunate work place incident suffered in the testing labs.

C. McKittenney oversees our Surveillance group. Her work in tracking down and disposing of bugs, and smelling out rats to oust any wouldbe moles is of particular note.

Her sister, Selkirk McKittenney (shown here in the ill-fated Basketmobile) works in the Experimental Transportation Subdivision.

Back to the Memes!

Here are the contenders for the Meme Contest that totally isn’t happening this month. Again.

Just because Q won’t judge, doesn’t mean you can’t. Vote in the comments.

1. Offramp

2. SpongeBond CantkeepitinhisPants

3. Burn it down

4. Alec can attest

5. Do not make eye contact with an enraged and under-caffeinated Overlord

6. Line Item

7. Double-O Dickhead

Scavenger Hunt

31. Cats actually run Q branch. Show us your cat (or a friend's cat) working deligently

52. Using a meme template, make 5 for James Bond. They do not have to be the same format. (Why yes, I am an overachiever. How did you know?)