#brigid watches stuff

[negronispagliato]

i'll be around (where we used to be) || eivor varinsdottir

summary: a year or so post nastiest break up of your life, you and eivor reunite at gunnar & brigid's wedding

pairing: modern!eivor x reader

themes/warnings: breakups, established relationships, mentions of eivor not having been the greatest partner (but never cheating), yearning, all that good stuff.

word count: idk but they're all full of queer yearning.

note: i'm not exactly back but kinda....? had to take some time away from the ac space lol but anywhoooooooo here's an old fic with very shitting writing. divider by @/cafekitsune

She looks good. You think to yourself while sipping on a lukewarm mulled wine. 

It’s been nearly a whole year since you’ve seen Eivor. It shouldn’t feel as strange as it does, but there’s been a whole year of the two of you acting like awkward strangers ever since the break up.

Ever since the explosive argument that pigeonholed the two of you into making a decision that ended up hurting the two of you, and dissolving everything you had into suitcases and storage boxes. 

There’s the weight of things unsaid and unresolved, and no matter how much you try to interact with everyone at the wedding party it doesn’t soothe the dull ache of being so close and so far from her at the same time. 

You were just a guest at Gunnar’s wedding, so your outfit of choice wasn’t all that in comparison to Eivor’s outfit. She was part of the wedding party, the officiator, all trussed up in a black suit that had been expertly fitted, a couple of buttons on the white dress shirt undone to reveal a bit of the tattoo that occupied most of her chest.

She was always effortlessly handsome, you would say to her a long time ago. She’d  only laugh and respond with a kiss.

A whole year apart, and the ghosts of their memory still lingered in your mind much like the memory of how it felt to be held and kissed and loved by Eivor once upon a time. 

Her golden hair, braids done up and sides shaved off to reveal the tattoos emblazoned on her scalp, itching to be played and caressed by your gentle touch that could put her to sleep as easily as it could cause her pleasure. 

----

Despite the awkwardness of passively and actively trying to avoid her, you have a fun enough time. 

You make the valiant effort to talk to old friends, catch up with their latest life accomplishments. Randvi had just completed an assignment overseas as a diplomat. Soma had made incredible strides in her consulting business. Valka, and gods you missed her so much too, had incredible success as a professor. 

And for a while, it works to distract you from the incredible pull you still feel towards Eivor while passively avoiding her. Really, you weren’t actively trying to, but it was hard to say no when someone else seemed to pull you away into another conversation at just the right time.  

The rowdiness of all the drunk guests works to drown out your melancholy a superficial amount, but it only works so much until you feel like you need to breathe. 

It’s hard to find the words and form an excuse to dismiss yourself from the conversation you were ensconced with Valka and Randvi, at least until you spot Eivor walking over. 

You could only keep yourself from looking at her so much, from your eyes searching her out for so long. She caught you looking, and now your heart threatened to beat out of your chest like a war drum. 

Even from afar, she could read you with just a look. 

As if by some sort of fucked up serendipity, your phone starts to vibrate in your pocket, and you take it as a way to give yourself an out. 

You make your way towards the street after Randvi advises that the signal inside is terrible. Eivor gets to where you had just been sat, glancing at Randvi all confused after she watches you practically run away. 

Breathing doesn’t become any easier once you step outside. The air has become a little too cold, and it makes you keenly aware that your choice for a coat was not all that suitable for the weather. You also miss the call, but make no effort to call back. 

You don’t feel any better avoiding her.  You feel dirty, scurrying and escaping like a cat avoiding water in order to get away from Eivor. 

But the feeling of dread that pits in the bottom of your stomach just gets worse, and you don’t know how much longer you can keep avoiding her. Keep missing her. 

You hate how much you miss her, how much her comfort is the only one that can soothe the ache she caused, but you can’t lie to yourself either. 

There’s been many times during your time apart that you’ve ached to call her, to hear her raspy, piquant voice soothe your worries. To call her and try to come to a truce, that you wanted to go back to her, that you would’ve left everything behind to be with her.

She probably would’ve done the same, no, you know she would’ve done the same for you. But neither one of you could deal with the weight of the guilt, the shame of having yelled at each other. The two of you never did that before. 

Besides, she probably had someone else now. Even during your years together, she always seemed to ignore how people fawned over her. 

Though, you hadn’t been able to see how she’’d only ever had eyes for you. 

The sigh you release doesn’t make you feel any lighter. 

“Leaving so soon?”

The sound of her voice after not having heard it for so long makes you jump, and you whip around to look at her. You were hiding your phone like you had been doing something worthy of punishing. 

The pulsing takes over your ears, triggering a numb feeling that leaves you feeling weightless all over. It’s the same feeling you got when the two of you first met all those years ago. She still had that effect on you, taking your breath away with that smirk that always had you feeling some type of way. 

“I um...uh..” You can’t even find the words to say to her. You didn’t expect to interact with her on any level. 

Could you be any more ridiculous in front of an ex? 

“Randvi told me you were taking a phone call outside.” She says, shoving her hands into her pockets and shifting her weight from one foot to another. 

“Yeah uh..it was..it was work?” You awkwardly wave your phone before shucking it in your pocket, shivering for reasons other than the cold. 

Fuck if you knew if that’s what it really was, but you were trying damn hard to make it seem like you weren’t preoccupied about her the whole time. 

Eivor’s eyebrows shoot up and her eyes glint in curiosity. 

“How’s that going? Did they treat you alright over there?” 

You smile a little at her ever present thoughtfulness, “yeah, it was great.” There’s an awkward pause that leaves the two of you wondering what could be recovered from the ashes of what once was. 

There was a time where the breakup had come as a shock to a lot of your mutual friends, and for a time it was the only thing people could talk about. 

It didn’t help Eivor any. The breakup was equally as difficult on her. She didn’t have the heart to get rid of things the two of you had amassed over the course of the relationship, especially not the polaroids that had been littered about the home you two once shared or the pictures in her phone.

She regretted letting you go the second you had been forced to walk out of her life, and seeing you at the wedding had resurfaced a lot of unresolved feelings. 

Even though she felt elated seeing you again, she didn’t dare hope. 

You chuckle awkwardly at the poignant silence, picking at the cuticles of your nails—a part of you Eivor had known well once upon a time, and just sigh. 

She used to take your hands, and kiss the parts that hurt. She used to know how to mend the parts of you that needed healing.

To her credit, the small conversation that comes up isn’t too awkward since it wasn’t all that personal. There’s a chuckle here and a joke there, lulling the both of you into a false sense of security. 

It’s when she gives you that look, one that’s so natural to her, that it has you feeling nervous all over again.

Whether she’d meant to or not, it was the look she’d give you when she couldn’t verbally express how much she truly loved you with every fiber of her being. It’s always been an automatic, second nature thing for her to look at you like you hung up the moon and the stars. 

There’s a sigh that escapes her. A whisper of truce. 

That look that left you tingling all over with desire for her, a warmth suffusing all throughout your body. The love she possessed for you is clear in her eyes now as it was back then, before the fight. 

It was clear that she wasn’t really ready to let you go just yet, not when she had you right in front of her again after such a long time. She offers you an arm, nodding behind her. 

“Did you..want to go for a walk?” 

“Oh, I don’t—“

“I won’t keep you long, I promise.”

How can you say no with the way she’s looking at you like that? You felt your heart squeeze at the soft pleading in her voice. 

It feels like you’re melting under Eivor’s gaze, and just like that, you give her an easy smile and take a hold of the arm she offers. She hums pleasantly, keeping an easy and relaxed pace with you as the two of you are walking away from the party with no particular direction in mind. 

--

The conversation and the silence in between you is easy, coming and going naturally as if no time had passed by at all. 

You caught each other up on what had been going on in your lives during the last year: Eivor finally settled back in London after travelling constantly for work, but still had a ways to go in unpacking all of her stuff from the suitcases. The only things she had bothered to set up again in the old apartment were the bare essentials, which didn’t surprise you in the slightest. That’s how it had been when you two had lived together. 

You’d brought color itself into her life. 

Neither of you really acknowledged how fucked up of a feeling it was for Eivor to have also left your once shared home, and have come back to it empty and alone with the bare bones of what you once had together. 

“Are you in town just for the wedding?” She asked after a while, adjusting her arm so you could loop your elbows together. She can’t help the smile that comes on when you naturally match your stride to hers and hold onto her just a little bit closer, fingers laced together. 

“Sort of.” You squeeze her arm slightly when the two of you momentarily acknowledge a dog being walked by their owner, “My work contract is actually done, and it coincided with Gunnar’s wedding so...yeah, might finally settle down here again.” Eivor feels her heart accelerate as fast as it drops when she hears your words. She stops walking entirely, oceanic eyes riddled with a slight panic.

Were you telling the truth? Were you officially back home now? Back to…her? Would you even want to be? What if you had moved on? 

Looking at her, you practically knew what Eivor was wanting to ask so badly. It was as obvious in her eyes and in her touch—the way she held your hand so carefully. The way she rubbed your skin with her calloused thumb had soothed the bubbling unease in your belly. 

“Would yo-” 

“Maybe we–” 

The both of you laugh awkwardly, and she motions for you to speak first. 

“I..would like to get to know you again, Eivor.” 

Eivor breathes softly. She can’t say that the words don’t hurt a little, but she forces her impatient nature to not rear its ugly head. 

She hadn’t even realized the both of you stopped walking, or how she’d let go of your hand. But you reached for her again, bringing her back from the insecurity that threatened to drag her under. 

“I think we owe each other that much, right? A clean slate.” You whisper to her, feeling your own heart tug a little when you notice her stormy eyes water up with tears. 

“You’ve always had more sense than me, anyway.” 

That makes you laugh a little, but still, you can see how she deflated she was from the hurt she undoubtedly felt. The dejection was written all over her face, shoulders sagging as she stood in front of you, loosely holding your hands. 

Eivor’s shoulders shake as she lets out a watery laugh. You don’t blame her for feeling the way she does. She’s used to fixing everything right away, and even now it’s hard for her to know that while you hadn’t rejected her outright, you didn’t take her back immediately. 

“Eivor…I-I need to settle, and I can’t lie – the wedding is bringing up a lot of things we shouldn’t talk about right now.” 

“I’d give anything in the world to have you come back to me.” She’s a little more hopeful this time, voice a little high from nerves, but receptive to your touch as she rests her forehead on yours, “Without you, I’ve lost my way a thousand times.” 

“We’ll come back to each other, Eivor. I promise.” Your own voice wavered a little as you grabbed her hands, “I just need time, please?” 

“Anything.” 

[cynical-gamer-media]

Black Eagles Found Family Stuff During Time-Skip Headcanons

Edelgard is referred to affectionately as the 'Mother Eagle' by the Black Eagles with how doting she can be.

Everyone knows that Hubert's awkward cases of showing affection come from his upbringing of needing to be a cold.

Dorothea comes up with lyrics about the Black Eagles and teaches them all.

---Whenever the BEs are down or worried they hum or sing the tune Dorothea taught them.

Linhardt may hate the sight of blood but he never complains about taking care of the BEs, unless they did something stupid.

Caspar and Ferdinand always knows when to check up on someone and cheer them up.

---And if they need cheering up they can rely on the BEs, even if some may be awkward with assistance (Edelgard & Hubert)

Petra loves to lead hunting expeditions, and encourages a Black Eagle or two to join her.

Ferdinand finds tending to horses relaxing, so he encourages any stressed BEs to join him in distressing through horse maintenance.

Bernadetta is now confident speaking around the BEs.

---She sews them matching embroidery eagles to pin to themselves.

Whenever Edelgard feels nauseous due to her Twin Crests she knows she needn't hide it with the BEs.

---All of them would push her to rest. It's seven against one.

Hubert is designated chef of the BEs. Nobody complains.

Whenever she visits Brigid, Petra is thrilled to share her culture's clothes, trinkets, etc with the BEs.

---she also loves giving them meals that are too spicy for Fódlanders.

-----Caspar thought he could handle it. He downed so much milk.

They go on picnics whenever they can.

Upon learning of her Twin Crests and that her life is shortened Linhardt works tirelessly to find a cure with Hanneman's help.

Manuela is not afraid to call out if any BEs is being stupid or reckless.

Edelgard tells all the BEs to call her 'El' as they are her family.

Hubert keeps a watchful eye on any of Dorothea's suitors to ensure they don't even think about harming her.

Everyone agrees that Edelgard, Hubert, & Ferdinand are hopeless at naming anything (Black Eagles Strike Force, Twin Jewels, etc).

All of them know secret dialogue and hand signs to ensure each know whether the other is the original or a Slitherer posing as them.

When the war is over every year they celebrate the anniversary of its end with a picnic.

[illarian-rambling]

Character Introduction: Detective Ivander Montane, champion of greed

“So.” Unconsciously, Ivander began to fidget with his tie pin. If he had known, he would have stopped immediately. Fidgeting was an unbecoming habit. “You have a story for me?”

Ceyrel’s face immediately folded into a guilty uncertainty. “Well….” The woman hesitated, curling a strand of brassy hair around one blood-red claw. “I got a letter from my sister in the Republic yesterday night….”

“Wait, Lavir, Tagwyn, Brigid, or Arta?” Ivander asked. “You have a lot of sisters.”

“Lavir, obviously.” Ceyrel rolled her eyes. “The Reppies would never give a passport to a dwarf.”

“Of course, my mistake. Please continue.”

The trials and tribulations of Ceyrel’s massive hobgoblin-dwarven family were standard fare for their gossip sessions, so Ivander wanted to get an idea of who he was dealing with, and by extension the veracity of the news. Lavir—Ceyrel’s full sister—was a trustworthy sort, if prone to attachment issues and not repaying her debts on time. Ivander figured he could believe the contents of any letter she sent.

“So anyways, I get this letter from someplace along the Sulu’Okan-Skolandi border. Bekridge, I think it was called? Some decent-sized town Lavir decided to stay the night in before heading up to Landanium. But that’s not important.”

“Then what is?” Ivander winced impatiently. His knuckles were beginning to feel like someone had poured molten lead in between them. Too much writing in one day.

He saw Ceyrel spot his flinch and noted the resigned concern that flared in her eyes. She knew of his curse, though he’d never given her the whole story. However, the woman was a damn skilled detective. Between his abilities and the esteemed Montane name he still carried, she probably had a few theories. Wrong ones, of course, but a wrong theory could still be good.

“Yeah, so she’s telling me all about how shit the roads are down there and how it's just kind of a free-for-all along the border. No conners, no government anything, except the taxman. They even have this awful debtor system that’s basically just feudalism with extra steps. She said she hired a bodyguard to take her through some of the marshy stretches, because apparently if the human bandits don’t get you, the selkie raiders will.”

“This is all important because, Ivander, you have to understand how barbaric it is down there. I know I tease you about growing up with your own bank, but these Reppies make my family look just as hoity-toity as yours. They still have penal slavery, and lords, and require non-humans citizens to wear government medallions. So, when I tell you that my sister wrote to tell me about a murder of all things, you’ve got to understand how bad it was.”

“A murder. In the Republic.” Ivander shrugged. “I’m not sure what this has to do with me.”

“Still getting there. Apparently, the night Lavir was staying in Bekridge, there was a murder in one of their arcane distilleries. The town is big into alchemical manufacturing, being so close to the N’Diki swamp and all. Just after she heard the news, Lavir went to poke around because she’s even nosier than me and managed to sneak a peek at the scene of the crime.”

Now, Ceyrel’s golden eyes went deadly serious—from Ivander’s chatty friend to the hardboiled investigator every smart thug south of Council Round knew to watch out for.

“The victim was found missing a perfect circle out of the back half of his skull. Painted on the body were runes. Lavir’s pretty into all that magic stuff, but she said she didn’t know a single one….”

Ivander’s body went icy. It froze at the first mention of the broken skull and kept freezing until he felt as if he would shatter apart into a hundred hurting pieces. Memories whirled through his mind; a university corridor splashed with gore, a brothel full of sobbing prostitutes, a warehouse, a fabric store, and a kitchen still echoing with a child’s screams. Long sleepless nights and eternal agonizing days.

And worst of all, hope.

Ivander is a selfish man. Know this before anything else. Remember this above all else. Despite his gossiping tongue and steady hands, greed is at the core of his corroded heart, be that for good or ill.

Ivander was born to the wealthy and influential Montane family, in the grand trade city of Unity. Such wealth and influence came from one place; the banks. Long ago, the first Montane progenitor made a deal with Timaz, the Illarian god of greed. In exchange for the power to write unbreakable contracts and call on the occasional miracle, this ancestral Montane promised Timaz the obedience of their family, along with their souls and the souls of those they make contracts with. Using this power, the Montane family has come to control every bank in Unity, from the vaults of the Merchant Council to the payday shacks in the east side slums. They trade their undying loyalty for unlimited wealth.

Ivander was born to the family's patriarch, Antonin Montane, and his foreign, Cloud Folk bride, Idrin Pashan-Baijahreet. When Ivander was eight, his mother disappeared, never to be spoken of again. From a young age, Ivander was trained by his Uncle Marius (Antonin had more important business than raising a son) in the ways of the Montanes. He learned economics and theology hand in hand. Like all young Montanes, he was not allowed to leave the family compound until he signed his divine contract.

This signing happened when he was sixteen. Ivander was escorted to his father's office, whereupon his relatives held him while the contract was carved into his chest by way of ritual scarification. He carved his own name beneath it all in the end, and became a Chosen of Timaz. After that, he was permitted to join the family business.

For four years, Ivander worked in a bank under his uncle. Even from the beginning, signing people onto inescapable contracts made him uneasy. But as the things he convinced people to do became worse and worse, Ivander began to doubt his family. It was after he convinced a man to sell his children as indentured servants that he finally ran away. He thought he could repent and put some good into the world to make up for the bad. The thing he forgot about though, was that on a scale of vengeful gods, the god of greed is pretty high up there.

The Montane contract protects from direct divine wrath. However, it does not protect from a god sending the offending Montane a slow-acting, deadly curse. Ivander's curse isn't complicated; he's turning slowly into mist. Slowly and painfully, ever bit that's evaporated leaving behind another inch of flayed flesh or pitted bone to torment him. Every waking moment is pain for Ivander. The curse was not so bad when he first left his family, so he decided that his path to doing good would be to join Unity's Bureau of Arcane Investigation. The BAI roots out magical crime in the massive city, so Ivander thought it would be the perfect place for him. In a way, he was right.

The BAI is, was, and always will be corrupt. That corruption and the menial evil of everyday crime seeps into a person. Ivander never ended up doing much good there, though he did learn to line his pockets well with bribes. All he got in trade for leaving his family was a slow death sentence and a new way to exploit people.

This is where we find him, sort of. For you see, Ivander has found a murder case that just might be the thing that can protect him from his slow death. And he will do whatever it takes to save himself. This is where The Mystery of the Mortal God picks up.

As a person, Ivander is defined by his upbringing. He grasps for any advantage he might take, lies unrepentantly, and keeps any people who might strive for a close relationship at arms length, no matter how he might long for such a thing. The issue with intimacy isn't helped by the fact that his curse has left him disfigured. He wears an illusion to cover his true face, however, such a thing won't hold up under close examination. This practice might seem vain, but on the order of sins, vanity isn't really a concern for Ivander. A man just likes to look dapper sometimes, you know? Another big trait of Ivander’s is that he's a huge gossip. He loves knowing everyone's business and all sides of a story, which actually makes him a half decent detective if a case catches his interest.

Looks-wise, Ivander stands at about 5'8" and is much lighter than even his slender frame would suggest. He also looks younger than his 30 years. This is more through a quirk of his heritage than anything illusory though. It's from his mother's side that Ivander got his blue blood, double pointed ears, and too-blue eyes. On his father's side, he's elven, human, dwarven, and siren. In Unity, this would make him many-lined (of too many peoples to identify with any one). His illusory face is a handsome one, with swept back black hair and a thin mustache and goatee. His true face is a corroded ruin, missing much of its eyelids and lips. He wears bandages to keep blood from getting on his fine suits and walks with a cane. The illusion itself is held by an onyx tie pin inscribed with hidden runes.

Now fun facts!:

Ivander's condo is color-coded. Blue for the bedroom, green for the sitting room, yellow for the kitchen, purple for the bathroom.

He's a crack shot with a rune rifle.

He makes his money by investing bribes on the stock exchange using all of his insider Montane knowledge. He might’ve left his family, but that doesn't mean he's going to live in squalor.

Paperwork is his favorite detective duty.

His case partner is a hobgoblin woman named Ceyrel Gavorn. Ivander thinks of her as his dear friend, even if he'd never say so aloud. They're both incorrigible gossips.

He takes all thunderstorms as personal wrath from the gods against him in particular.

He lies for fun.

Out of the other MG pair, Ivander finds Mashal to be an incredibly kind and brave man. Ivander and Astra, on the other hand, hate each other's guts.

And that's a wrap on main POV character! I think maybe I'll do antagonists next, or places, or side characters. Whatever I decide though, I hope you find detective blueboy to be entertaining, and as always, lmk if you have any questions.

Have a bitchin day <3

(Tag list @amandacanwrite @elsie-writes @riveriafalll @kosmic-kore @kaylinalexanderbooks @bard-coded @carrotsinnovember @patternwelded-quill @somethingclevermahogony @whatwewrotepodcast @goldxdarkness @the-angriest-author @mk-writes-stuff)

[laylanatorseventeen]

OK, so exactly noone asked for this but I have been reading a LOT of bioshock fanfiction lately and I think there are some real gems on ao3 that I’d like to bring attention to. So here they are, mixed with some more obviously popular ones---

Bioshock fic recs GO!!!!

ONE SHOTS--

--Found Is Lost and Lost Is Found by thewickedkat-- “What if there had been a Little Sister who hadn’t wanted to be rescued?” REALLY GOOD, but heed the trigger warnings in the tags!!!

--results, not causes by cheloniidae “Diane doesn’t need a pretty face to fight in the war.”

--they shake the mountains when they dance by coricomile-- “Around her, the splicers scream.”

--Just Put (Me) To Work by rataplani-- “A tribute to the nameless protagonists of the Protector Trials.”

--Chasing Shadows by cloudeme--  “ She is the first Big Sister, and will probably be the last. She knows she's different, but she doesn't care. She does her job... and hates.”

MULTICHAPTER--

-hey mister, don’t I know you? by presidenthomewrecker -- COMPLETE-- the one where Anna Culpepper runs Fort Frolic when you come through!!! a really great story that I really enjoyed. this author in general is worth checking out, they’ve written more than one awesome fic!!

-The Closing of Watchful Eyes by FOzziliZ3d-- COMPLETE--  “In which Mark Meltzer is saved by Subject Delta in Dionysus Park.”

-lay her i’ th’ earth by poppywine-- COMPLETE-- “ And I can teach thee, coz, to shame the devil—By telling the truth. Tell truth and shame the devil.”  Jasmine Jolene haunts Ryan’s bitch ass and it’s wonderful. 

-Watch Over Me by cakeisatruth-- COMPLETE-- “ Little Sisters can be cured in a matter of seconds, but it takes far longer for one to overcome everything she's been brainwashed to believe.” A really good fic from the perspective of a recovering Little Sister!! I especially love this fic. 

-Bei Mir Bist Du Sheon by poppywine-- WIP--  “ Brigid Tenenbaum has put the worst of Rapture behind her. That's the good news. The bad news is that a part of it is now standing on her porch.” As stated, this fic is still in progress, but the writing is wonderful, and I’m really excited to see where it goes!!

-With Friends Like These.... by gummysharksupremacy --WIP--- this one is actually about remorseful!Bad End Jack which I found intriguing from the start!! Basically he wakes up after the events of the game and is trying to make his way out of Rapture. Has some Infinite/BAS elements but I havent played either of those and it didn’t hinder my enjoyment of the fic. Honestly can be enjoyed as a standalone and is a really awesome fic!!

-Atonement for Bygone Sins by foorocks10-- WIP-- “Delta wakes in the ashes of failure. In the ashes of Rapture.Babylon has fallen. And yet Sophia Lamb seeks to build something greater and more terrible from Rapture's ashes.” I actually just discovered this one the other day!! 

-Here Comes the Sun by Riddle_of_the_sphinx --WIP-- “There are others I must help before this city drowns..... or, basically Delta decides that he’s going to save as many people as he can so they can see the sun.” This fic actually had me laughing out loud, Delta has such a sassy inner commentary. I’m excited to see where this one goes, as well!!

-There Is No Rapture by necroticboop-- WIP-- this fic is basically a fleshing out of Brigid Tenenbaum’s whole backstory and it is SOOOO GOOD omg. If you like Brigid please read this story and give the author some feedback because it is SO. GOOD.

-Underwater Eden by jadrea-- WIP-- “It is much to his surprise that Augustus Sinclair finds he's alive.” This one’s got MAPS and stuff like those really good fantasy books from middle school. Promising, I must say, LOL. 

-The Prodigal Son by malice-and-macarons-- WIP--”Atlas wakes up.Death, he thinks, would have been kinder.” I think this one is actually pretty popular amongst the Bioshock fanbase (small as it may be) but just in case you havent seen it, here it is!! 

Final note: I know we all love the instant gratification of already completed fic, and don’t like waiting for updates (I know, me too!) but I encourage anyone looking for something to read to give the WIP’s a try, and leave nice comments for the authors if you enjoyed the story! It’s hard to write when you feel like noone cares. If you want content, you have to validate the content creators!! 

All the fics on this list are awesome, and thanks to all the creators for producing and sharing these stories!!

[saberamane]

Gunnar's and Brigid's wedding was great. The face Eivor made when Brigid started talking was hilarious. He went from :) to o_o, it was great.

Is she Scottish?

I love the letter Hytham got from Roshan after he sent word of Basim's betrayal. Basically 'yeah he's been a real dickbag for a while now, we're not really surprised he betrayed us, thanks for letting us know.'

What did William want from Basim???? Basim's blood?? So is Bill the one that goes into the Animus in Mirage and watches Basim's memories??

I very much want to move on to Mirage now, but there's DLC to complete.

I have the france stuff to do, something with dreams of Nifelheim, and the Dawn Of Ragnarok.

[madocactus]

Get to know Dr. Deidre Destrange better with this nifty character inspiration grid!

Explanations below.

Massive protoViolence spoilers incoming - so if you haven't already, why not try the game for yourself?

Benjamin Sisko: Should be fairly obvious if you've watched DS9, but if you haven't: it's his willingness to help people, even if it means going against Starfleet's directive...

...Much like Dee going against STOP.

(Which reminds me - I still need to finish Season 7... HELP)

Jotaro Honma: He's a fairly minor character in Black Jack, but Dr. Honma's relationship with Black Jack and the impact he had on his life (as well as the way Dr. Honma's legacy is treated by later physicians) is much like the relationship and impact that Dee had on Pavel's life.

Chitose Hibiya: Again - like Jotaro Honma, Chitose is a minor character with a big impact on the story, especially towards the end of Chobits. The motherly scientist role she has with Elda/Chii also influenced the relationship Dee has with Pavel.

Serge Battour: Serge's soft-spoken, yet hardworking/role-model personality influenced a lot of Deidre's own personality. Also - his willingness to understand and stay by someone who was ostracized by many others (Gilbert)...

Homura Akemi: Personality reasons. Dee initially starts as someone who believes that she can work with the system she's in to achieve her goals (much like Homura and the Puella Magi system)... but grows more jaded as she realizes the truth.

Brigid Tenenbaum: Again - motherly scientist stuff: but she feels deep guilt for the experimented children that are currently under her care - since she was responsible for devising the experiments in the first place.

...Much like Dee and her research directly leading to the YTDI's experiments on children.

Shiori Honda: For personality reasons, but also because she shows genuine support to students in her school that are considered outcasts by many; much like Dee does with Pavel.

Alphys: If you've played Undertale's pacifist ending you know exactly why she's on here.

I hope this gives you a better idea of what went into creating protoViolence's protagonist!

[alkibiadessuperfan]

hey ac valhalla fandom. so today I want to make a post and start a conversation on the glowecestrescire arc. it‘s the arc where you meet gunnar and his new girlfriend brigid. before going into it I want to give a trigger warning for drugs and sexual assault if these topics upset you please be careful when reading this post.

let‘s get into this whole thing. so the other week I was playing this arc and two friends of mine were watching too. I play canon Eivor and only make her go into romances with other women or right now no one because of Randvi. during this arc there is a character named Tewdwr that is chosen to take the place of leadership after the current leader sacrifices himself during the samhain festivities to ensure a better harvest. Eivor and him meet shortly while she has to guard him when he wants to visit a saints statue in the woods. Later they drink and celebrate together. That‘s when the game gives you the option to romance him. You can flirt with him, say smth along the lines of he isn‘t your type or tell him you would prefer to be friends. I chose the last option and that‘s when things got really questionable, or tbh, even upsetting to me. while celebrating and drinking more another character offers both eivor and tewdwr „heavier stuff“, that they decide to drink, followed by a fun little montage of their drunk shenanigans and eivor passing out somewhere outside. the screen goes black. and when eivor wakes up she is in tewdwrs bed. it is obviously not clear but all 3 of us had to pause and double check for a minute. my jaw was practically on the floor, the implication was unmissable in that moment to all of us. I still am unsure but the implications are so clear! We went through the whole arc that night and it is really a good arc with many twists and turns. Eivor does not remember anything that happened while the screen was black. She is mad that she was drugged but she is also mad that Tewdwr was drugged. She ends up saving Tewdwr and I was quite upset with the way it was handled by the game. To end the arc there is a kind of ceremony where they burn a giant straw man and then smth happens that settled it for me. Without choice Tewdwr, while thanking and saying his goodbyes to Eivor, comes incredibly close, touches her face, gives her a kiss on the cheek. It was nothing I, as a player, could have decided once again. I am feeling incredibly conflicted with the way the developers and story writers handled it and I did feel triggered after playing that arc. In a way Eivor is a safespace for me and it was really upsetting playing through an arc like that, given the illusion of choice with a strong female character like her and then being ripped away of it in fiction too. I have not seen a discussion about this online before which confused me but I would like to open the discussion and hear if someone else noticed it the same way we did or maybe not?

[tacitusauxilium]

【ME & 𝗣𝗘𝗢𝗣𝗟𝗘 𝗜'𝗗 𝗟𝗜𝗞𝗘 𝗧𝗢 𝗚𝗘𝗧 𝗧𝗢 𝗞𝗡𝗢𝗪 𝗕𝗘𝗧𝗧𝗘𝗥】

- ALIAS / NAME: Kiki / Brittany

- BIRTHDAY: May 25th, 1993

- ZODIAC SIGN: Gemini, but I am very close to being a Taurus, like my son. lol

- HEIGHT: 5'7"

- HOBBIES: Let's see... Reading, playing video games, sleeping (is that a hobby?), RPing, cosplaying, and playing board games.

- FAVORITE COLOR: Teal or aquamarine, pink, and lilac. God I think half my wardrobe is purple or pink tbh. XD

- FAVORITE BOOK: The only book I've read out of like the 50 or so in the last half of year is still going to go to Happy Place by Emily Henry. I am a sucker for second chance romances.

- LAST SONG: Tolerate It by Taylor Swift--god I just absolutely love Taylor Swift (especially her Midnights, Folklore, Evermore, and recently her Reputation album!)

- LAST FILM / SHOW: Currently, I've been watching Hazbin Hotel. It's kinda different from all the other stuff I've watched. Before that, it'll have to Bluey because of my two year old.

- RECENT READS: Ironically, I just finished reading Before I Let Go by Kennedy Ryan and wow. ...books really hit different when you are a parent. Heavy topics on stillbirth, divorce, and moving on. And even if it took me a week to read it, it was really good and the sequel is coming out on 3/5 (tomorrow! lol). And before this book, Defy the Night by Brigid Kemmerer was also a very good read and while long, it also has sequels out that I've gotta check out--and I am not a fan of fantasy at all.

fyi: do not ask how many books are on my TBR and what I have in physical and on my Kindle. lol

- STORY BEHIND URL: tacitus - silent auxilium - help , so put it together and you have silent help, which makes sense for Fuuka imo.

- FUN FACT ABOUT ME: Uhhhhhhhhh...I've been married for almost 5 years (on 4/4) and have a kid? Though I think majority of you all know that. Let's see... what else sounds interesting about me...?

I'm working on a temperature blanket that I am sooooo behind on because I'm too tired to work on it. And I guess I could add that I'm an only child? This is not easy to think about when it comes to fun facts about me. lol

TAGGED BY: @more-than-a-princess (thank you! love how we had some of the same answers relating to music XD)

TAGGING: @segnisacfessis, @dxfiedfxte, @eris-the-phantom-thief, @miskick, and anyone who has a multimuse blog! lol

[ollovae3]

Okay, so no fancy portrait for 'Meda, but I'm sorting everyone out!! I hope y'all like these? Luckily sorting out art for fun as I'm enjoying these last couple weeks of break!

Andromeda!! Her last name, Shaw, is from Old Irish, so I ran with the idea of her being a redhead, and loved giving her a nice string nose? I'm hella partial to those 😅💖 Also an "I'm watching you" scowl cause she's like that 🤣.

Halina!! My lovely lil Polish girl!! Left is my first drawing of her, and the right is my more realistic-leaning portrait? Gave her a cute speckling of moles, and also some dark hair since I realized I don't have too many OCs w that? Sweetheart surviving the apocalypse 👌💖

She's a fun character to be figuring out, esp. since she's so hopeful and ripe for shattering to bits 😈 (before fixing of course).

BRIGID. I've gotten hella attached to her?? Partially due to the research I've done for her and partially cause she's a bundle of fun tropes 💕💖💕

So in researching the Melungeon people, and since she'd be from Georgia, I got to enjoy combining all sorts of faces for her including Eastern Cherokee, Black, and Scottish features? She's got lovely 3A/3B curls that I adored (and struggled with) drawing and a cute lil gap between her canine and incisor?

Any thoughts or random comments/questions welcome!! Gotta color my newer Bee stuff before I post those 👌.

[mell0bee]

tagged by @candiedjellybean thank u dude!!! im p sure ive done this tag sometime last year so will be interesting to see if my answers have changed

Are you named after anyone? unfortunately, st. brigid of ireland, but also apparently it's a name thats been in my dad's side of the family too? either way my parents knew of the name due to irish catholic reasons. yipee! though im cool with it bc st. brigid used to be the goddess brigid from irish myth, and also both of them were badasses <3

When was the last time you cried? .....genuinely i think the last time i cried was in like. early march when i watched the holdovers? i think? taking a break from college has greatly decreased the frequency at which i cry lmao

Do you have kids? no sir

Do you use sarcasm a lot? i guess yes? probably about as much as the average person (this is not sarcasm)

What sports do you play? i do not play any currently (though i probs should. i am built like a twig and a strong wind will knock me over.) but as a kid i used to play soccer which i hated and was god awful at and softball which i liked more but i was also god awful at and mostly spent my time hitting foul balls and playing with the grass in right field. but it was fun!

What’s the first thing you notice about people? uhhhhhh. uh?????? if they're wearing a cool outfit or have cool hair or smth? idk man. i guess i dont rlly think abt it?

What’s your eye color? brown

Scary movies or happy endings? uh. both? am p sure my tolerance for horror is a lot higher than most people and im always down for a tragedy but i also like happy endings too. though from a writing perspective happy endings are significantly easier to pull off than sad ones (& more common. hero's journey and all that).

Any special talents? uhhhhh im double jointed in my thumbs. also i can put my foot behind my head. is that a talent? im also working on my sudoku time, i think my lowest time for master difficulty is around 6 mins 30 seconds? which is uh. above average?? i think???

Where were you born? idk apparently they cloned me in a lab somewhere

What are your hobbies? lately playing a lot of video games, writing (mostly fanfic), art stuff (mostly drawing but am learning how to use watercolor), uhhhh.... ttrpgs but i havent gotten to play in a while sadly

Do you have any pets? dog!!!!!

How tall are you? 5'3

Favourite subject in school? science

Dream job? ahahahah funny you should ask that, i say, having been doubting my choices in career aspirations and my post-undergrad 5-year plan that i've had since high school for the past 7 months, (please send help. but. for a serious answer. i think i still want to do science research? just maybe in a softer science like psych even tho my undergrad is bio & neuro???? idk. unsure.)

tagging uhhhhhhh candiedjellybean already tagged most of the ppl i usually tag sooo @halflingkima ? i think i tagged u last time too lol. & anyone else who wants to do this!!!

[illfoandillfie]

Hey Brigid how are you, I hope life is treating you well! 😊🌞

Hi darl!

Things have been p good lately. Work has been a bit crazy and theres been some weird vibes because one coworker is being obnoxious about some stuff and my boss is stressed out. But then on the other hand I've apparently become friends with the cute english teacher so we spend a lot of mornings talking about books and movies and stuff which is very nice.

I've been seeing a lot of movies lately, watching a lot of Dimension 20, talking to Lauren almost constantly lmao. I've kinda been getting back into tarot reading so I'm lowkey thinking of doing some sort of sleepover thing for my bday in april. oh! And I just ordered the new Queen pop vinyls based on the IWTBF music video.

But yeah, mostly p chill start to the year lmao. How have you been?

[beetlebethwrites]

Top 10 IF's and or movies

I will do 5 of each because I make the rules. These are not in any order tbh;

IFs. (I'm not gonna tag everyone for ease of my life);

Lost Birds by brigid. Absolutely the most well-written surreal western sci-fi I've read ever. Absolutely incredible, 12/10, redefines IF for me, I'm insane about it.

2. Larkin by kc. I just adore the vibes, they're immaculate. The first IF which made me think I might like Westerns as a genre, I love it all.

3. Project Hadea by nyehilism. The best sci-fi romance-y space-y IF. Every RO is immaculate, I could play it all day but sadly I have to have a life :/

4. When Twilight Strikes by kristi. Just good supernatural fun, innit. The ROs are cracking, and the world feels right. I just love it.

5. Northern Passage by kit. Feel like no explanation is necessary, the best fantasy stuff on the platform, I hope kit just continued Northern Passage forever even though I know it will eventually have to end.

Movies;

Nope - I haven't seen a lot of movies recently and this was by far my favourite of last year!

2. What We Do in the Shadows - it makes me laugh every time I watch it and for that alone it's this high up.

3. Hot Fuzz - same as above. F*ck the p*lice though.

4. Knives Out - very fun movie, the details and costuming is amazing.

5. Moonlight - gotta throw in a more profound movie because it's pretty stunning and I would recommend it to many people without a second thought.

Honourable mention - Jurassic Park. I just really love dinosaurs.

[foulbearobservation]

okay LISTEN listen listen the reason I said don't ask is because it's like barely a bioshock au basically it's me stealing the bioshock aesthetic and setting of rapture but! I was watching a 7 hour bioshock retrospective the other day for brain noise (as one does) and it made me think,,,,

beatrice's parent's founded rapture, she's been raised all this time as like this perfect heir to the kingdom but then. things start going wrong. her parent's scientific advisors start disappearing. there's power outages and rumors of rebellions. and it's creating an aura of fear around but like it's fine, it's totally fine. one day, while bea is out with lilith (another daughter of rapture's elite) and they meet mary (who in this au is taking on a frank fontaine esqe role without, you know, all the other stuff.) she's the one whose been causing trouble and organizing unions and distributing propaganda etc since her wife died (side note have you ever thought about how fuckin powerful a union would be in rapture? like if there was a strike they'd all be dead in a week. insane bargaining power imo) ANYWAY. bea and lilith meet mary and they both agree to not talk about it but lilith is obviously smitten with the ideals and she runs off to join mary the next day. she needed something to believe in and she found it. bea tries to be happy for her, vows to track her down the next day.

but then the clock strikes midnight on new years and everything really goes to shit.

beatrice is a gritty survivor though, and so she does what she does best. she survives in adverse circumstances. she survives the fall of rapture, initially at least, but she's convinced she's going to end up in a watery grave before too long.

and then ava shows up. an anomaly from above, and bea remembers what her parents told her. "there will always be a man. there will always be a lighthouse" and ava's no man but perhaps a person can be a lighthouse so bea radios out to this stranger.

and this is where it really stops being a bioshock au because obviously this is setting bea up as a "would you kindly" kinda atlas (but also not because atlas is also frank fontaine and I'll be honest the lore of bioshock stopped making sense after a while but I can fix it, trust me I can).

to get out of rapture, they'll need to find and reconnect with some folks from bea's past and ava's like yeah chill whatever but then she goes into the main room and "oh god there's splicers here what have you gotten me into bea?" "just listen to my voice and you'll be alright"

anyway they all reconnect and it's great they all escape the city (or accept their deaths in the depths below idk if I like it better as a good ending or just a "well we're all gonna die might as well kiss about it" angst ending).

anyway this au has it all!! exotic locales! big fuckin fish! 1920's architecture! repressed "weight of the world on her shoulders" beatrice! deep sea thrill seeker ava! rapture and all the problems it has! a scathing dismantling of objectivisim as stated in ayn rand's "atlas shrugged"!

featuring:

union leader and smuggler and all around inspiring figure mary

disgraced child of atlas scientists lilith

camila as that one guy who created underwater trains (just cause I think she'd love public transit)

mother superion as brigid tenenbaum (I KNOW TENENBAUM IS TECHNICALLY A VILLAIN, ALL OF THEM ARE TECHNICALLY VILLAINS. WE'RE LETTING THIS ONE SLIDE)

and obvs bea as atlas (if he wasn't a backstabbing son of a bitch)

and ava as jack (if he wasn't a brianwashed soldier)

anyway yeah. bioshock au :)

[grandsonoflightike]

Grey Three Houses/Hopes P15: Light Heroic Bloodlines

Background song Announcement: Sing For The Moment By Eminem

Light Male Robin: Through a new pact with the Light Leicester Alliance, Shadow Edelgard can direct her might at the Light Kingdom. And though it comes at no small price, her forces steadily gain the upper hand. But the Light Kingdom does not stand idly by. Light Dimitri rallies the Light western lords--led by House Light Dominic, blood of one of the Ten Light Elites--in a last-ditch effort to forestall the Shadow Empire.

*In Light Brennius Territory…*

Light Gustave: No, Brother! Anything but that! You cannot force the Relic onto Light Annette.

Baron Light Dominic: Calm yourself. I've merely bade her wield it, not sent her rushing off into the teeth of the enemy.

Light Annette: It's all right, Light Father. I know I'm the only one who can do this. Just seeing the Crest of Light Dominic and our Light Hero's Relic is going to improve everyone's morale.

Baron Light Dominic: It shames me to thrust this task on you when it should have fallen to that craven son of mine.

Light Gustave: Yes, I doubt we can expect Light Simon to return and wield the Light Relic, considering how quickly he abandoned us.

Baron Light Dominic: It seems I raised him poorly, yes. I should have taught him how our house managed to survive this long without starving or freezing.

Light Annette: Don't look so sad, Light Uncle. I'll gladly carry the burden until Light Simon returns.

Light Gustave: But Light Annette...

Light Annette: Enough, Light Father! Stop worrying! After all, this is nothing compared to what the soldiers are going through at the front. So many people are fighting and dying out there— some of them my good friends. I'm not going to cower in safety while they struggle, especially when I'm in the best position to help.

Baron Light Dominic: Forgive me, Light Annette.

Light Gustave: If you sense any danger at all, child, promise me that you'll run. I couldn't bear to lose you.

Light Annette: I know, Light Father. So let's just all do the best we can to keep our lands safe.

*At Shadow Imperial Camp*

Shadow Edelgard: The nearer we get to Light Blaiddyd territory, the more resistance we're likely to face. The Light lords surrounding the capital are the most loyal to the crown.

Shadow Hubert: We have Light Geraint, Light Enid, Light Brennius, and Light Belinus. There is no telling whether these houses will choose subjection or destruction. Regardless, we cannot simply ignore them as we attempt to march on the capital. We must seize control of each of their Light lands and establish footholds before continuing on.

Shadow Monica: The Light Alliance is still doing everything we expected of them. There are no changes on that front. So as long as we continue tightening the vise around the Light Kingdom, we're certain to fulfill Your Shadow Majesty's goals!

Shadow Shez: *Sighs* Glad to hear it about the Light Alliance.

Shadow Bernadetta: Does this mean the war will be over soon? I feel some actual motivation coming on!

Shadow Linhardt: Well, in that case...

Shadow Bernadetta: Nope! Nope. Never mind, motivation gone.

Shadow Caspar: That was a close one, Shadow Bernadetta. You almost got yourself assigned to the front lines. As for me, you know what to do—just put me right at the front and let me start wrecking stuff!

Shadow Petra: We shall see who does more wrecking of stuff, Shadow Caspar. I will not be letting you outshine me. Watch as I am bringing glory to Shadow Brigid and the Shadow Empire on the battlefield!

Shadow Dorothea: I wonder if I'll find someone worth marrying before this war is over...

Shadow Monica: Of course you will, Shadow Dorothea! You're amazing!

Shadow Edelgard: Enough. It's easy to let your guard down when the end is in sight, and we can't fall victim to that. Stay disciplined—and together we will take Grey Fodlan's future in hand.

Shadow Shez: Don't worry, Shadow Edelgard. We're ready to get this done. Right then. Let's start by taking care of the enemy in front of us.

*Later In The Shadow Imperial Camp In Mateus Territory, Holy Kingdom of Faerghus, Shadow Shez Starts by Talking To Shadow Edelgard.* Shadow Edelgard:( I know that war brings sacrifice, but going forward I want to prevent it as much as possible. And I mean on both sides. Though I doubt that will be easy.

Shadow Shez: Yeah. It would be a lot easier to handle if we could just think of killing as part of our work...

Shadow Edelgard: Perhaps our only choice is to view them as necessary sacrifices for a better future.

*Then Shadow Shez Talks to Shadow Hubert.*

Shadow Hubert: Now that we are cooperating with the Light Alliance, the front lines have never been more stable. I am certain that if we continue steadily and with equanimity, both the Light Kingdom and the Knights of Grey Seiros will fall. The problem is that I doubt they will be content to stand by and watch.

Shadow Shez: "They"?

Shadow Hubert: Shadow Thales and his compatriots, who have so mysteriously vanished. We must remain cautious. We do not know where they are or what they're plotting.

*Shadow Shez Then Talks to Shadow Ferdinand.*

Shadow Ferdinand: The number of noble Light lords without Crests is steadily growing within the Empire. I have heard that there are practically no lords without them in the Light Kingdom. The only exception would be Baron Light Dominic. There was no Crest bearer in his generation. However, his light heir bears a Crest, and I seem to remember that his niece, Light Annette, does as well.

*Shadow Shez Then Talks To Shadow Linhardt.*

Shadow Linhardt: Numerous spots in this area are connected to Light saints. Did someone already explain that to you? The Light Rhodos Coast in the north honors Saint Light Cichol. And to the south, there's Lake Light Teutates, which is Saint Light Indech's holy ground. I'd go see them if I wasn't in the army. Life just isn't fair.

Shadow Shez: Yeah, that's too bad. Guess you'll just have to go when the war's over, huh?

Shadow Linhardt: You're not the first person to tell me that. But still, it's disappointing to have to wait.

Caspar

Shadow Caspar: Shadow Randolph and Shadow Fleche can really handle themselves now! They've been living up to expectations ever since Shadow Edelgard assigned them to our main forces. Shadow Randolph might not be a Shadow Bergliez, but he's putting on an impressive show!

Shadow Shez: I've got to keep up then. Same goes for you, y'know.

Shadow Caspar: Exactly! I've gotta keep working harder!

*Shadow Shez Then Talks To Shadow Bernadetta.*

Shadow Bernadetta: Lately I've been getting this feeling...I'm really glad I was born in the Shadow Empire. Whenever we fight the Light Kingdom, I can't help but think how they've been having such a hard time...

Shadow Shez: What do you think of the Light Alliance, then? Sounds like you've given this some thought.

Shadow Bernadetta: Huh? That's not what I'm talking about right now!

*Shadow Shez Then Talks To Shadow Dorothea.*

Shadow Dorothea: Seeing people get killed in battle is really sad, whether they're a friend of an enemy. Still, I'm glad that I haven't gotten so used to it that it doesn't affect me.

Shadow Shez: Yeah, that's how it goes. I've been a mercenary for a long time, but I'll never get used to it either.

Shadow Dorothea: You sure you're not just saying that to make me feel better? But thanks all the same.

*Shadow Shez Then Talks to Shadow Petra.*

Shadow Petra: We are going more north in the Kingdom. It is very cold there. When I am cold, I am moving slower. It is dangerous if I use a weapon the wrong way. Everyone else is amazing, though. I cannot be doing the same...

*Shadow Shez Then Talks To Shadow Monica.*

Shadow Monica: The Purple Side have gotten in our way countless times. So needless to say, I have mixed feelings about them joining our side.

Shadow Shez: I'm honestly happy about it. Now we've got more tough fighters on our side.

Shadow Monica: Yes, I thought you'd say that. Quite a mercenary way of thinking.

*Shadow Shez Then Talks to Light Ashe.*

Light Ashe: Light Lonato ordered my siblings to take refuge in the Shadow Empire. I hope they're all OK. I've barely had any time to write to them. The oldest of them was so amazed when I became a knight. He was happier than anyone else. It scares me to think about whether he'd still be proud of me after all I've done.

*Shadow Shez Then Talks To Light Mercedes who is talking to Light Timmy.*

Light Mercedes: I wonder if it's not too late to put a stop to all this fighting. Warring with everyone in the Light Kingdom is just... I don't know... If House Light Dominic is leading the Light Faerghus forces, then Light Annie will definitely be at the battle. There's no way I could hurt her. She's my Light best friend. We've been together forever.

Shadow Shez: Don’t worry, we thought of a way to win the fight without killing her.

Light Mercedes: What?

Light Timmy:  If We offer her father and Her Uncle sanctuary by her words, they will listen.  I can convince her to help us.

Light Mercedes: Yes... You're exactly right. I forgot that she was on the Purple Side.

*Shadow Shez Then Talks To Light Lorenz.*

Light Lorenz: The Light Alliance is fighting well and keeping pace with the Shadow Empire for the moment. Therefore, I have managed to avoid feeling any shame thus far. However...

Shadow Shez: I thought we were getting along with the Alliance just fine, but something in your voice tells me that not everything's peachy over there.

Light Lorenz: No matter how close we may be to someone, those ties could be severed in an instant. That has been my experience, at least.

*Shadow Shez Then Talks to Light Raphael and Light Ignatz.*

Light Ignatz: If our battles continue to go smoothly, then we'll be able to see Light Fhirdiad one day.

Light Raphael: You daydreaming about exploring the city again? You realize we'd be going for a brawl, right?

Shadow Shez: But if we win the battle, then you'll be able to take your time and explore.

Light Ignatz: You're right! I'll make sure we win!

Light Raphael: You're fighting so you can be a tourist? Well, I guess everyone's got their reasons.

*Shadow Shez Then Talks to Grey Lysithea.*

Grey Lysithea: The close we come to ending this war, the more likely they are to make a move. If their goal is to spread chaos throughout Grey Fodlan, that is.

Shadow Shez: You mean...those who shadow slither in the dark, right?

Grey Lysithea: Yes. We have no way of telling when they might make a move. So please stay alert.

*Shadow Shez Then Talks To Light Marianne.*

Light Marianne: I'm glad we did not have to fight against my adoptive father and everyone else in the Alliance. But we'll never make amends with the Kingdom and the Central Church, will we? They may be our enemy, but they're still human. I'm reluctant to take the lives of those to whom I bear no ill will...

*Shadow Shez Then talks to Grey Yuri.*

Grey Yuri: Grey Balthus, Grey Constance, Grey Hapi. All the usual suspects are here. Up until two years ago, I lived with them underground as part of the Grey Ashen Wolves House.

Shadow Shez: And now you're together forever. Aww, it's sweet you're all such good friends.

Grey Yuri: It's not about being good friends. We're just always bound to run into each other. I'm amazed we reunited here of all places, though.

*Shadow Shez then Talks To Grey Balthus.*

Grey Balthus: King Light Dimitri's supposed to be ridiculously powerful, right? If we end up clashing, I want a piece of him. I've never met an enemy I couldn't break with my fists! Oh, uh, except for Light Holst. Wait, and Count Shadow Bergliez too. Eh, whatever. I'm sure I'll be able to handle Light Dimitri. Bring it on!

*Shadow Shez then Talks To Grey Constance.*

Grey Constance: Ahaha! At long last, Her Shadow Majesty's ambitions are about to become a reality! Which means my own dreams will soon come to fruition as well! How positively thrilling!

Shadow Shez: Then I'd say congratulations are in order. We might be putting the cart before the horse a bit, but do you wanna celebrate anyway?

Shadow Constance: We are certainly putting many carts before many horses! But I do appreciate the sentiment. I hope you will congratulate me again when Lady Shadow Edelgard makes my dreams a reality.

*Shadow Shez Then Talks To Grey Hapi.*

Grey Hapi: I think I've been here before. But I don't exactly recognize anything. It seems like all of my old friends have died too. I should probably just forget about this place.

*Shadow Shez Then Talks To Shadow Manuela.*

Shadow Manuela: I've been thinking about what it would take to re-open the Grey Officers Academy. When the war's over, of course. It wouldn't be at all similar to how it used to be, but still. Shadow Edelgard and Shadow Ferdinand were downright enthusiastic when I suggested it. They said they would start making preparations right away. They really are good kids.

*Shadow Shez Then Talks To Shadow Jeritza.*

Jeritza: Byleth, the Ashen Demon... Quite a formidable warrior. It is truly vexing that I no longer have the chance to kill...or be killed by someone like that.

*Shadow Shez Then Talks To Grey Shamir.*

Grey Shamir: I hear the Central Church is headquartered in Camulus, which is south of Fhirdiad. I'm not sure where Rhea is, though.

Shadow Shez: I feel like all the church people that can fight are working with the royal army. Which means she's probably in Light Fhirdiad, right?

Grey Shamir: Could be. She's definitely a lot tougher than she looks .

*Shadow Shez Then Talks To Shadow Scileth and Shadow Byleth*

Shadow Scileth: ...

Shadow Shez: You look puzzled. Is something wrong?

Shadow Byleth: He just finds it strange. Everyone's been much more welcoming to THe Purple Side than He thought they'd be. No one's all that terrified of Light Timmy In Particular.

Shadow Shez: That is Strange.  We just got to win Light Timmy’s Trust.

Shadow Scileth: That is true.

*Shadow Shez Then Talks to Grey Jeralt.*

Grey Jeralt: Hey. I hope you don't mind that I'm taking it easy. We were often outnumbered--or otherwise at a disadvantage--when we fought the Imperial army in the past. But now that I'm working for them, I don't have to worry about that anymore.

Shadow Shez: I get it. A dead mercenary can't take on much work.

Grey Jeralt: My point exactly. Looks like work'll be smooth sailing from here on out.

*Shadow Shez Then Talks To Grey Alois.*

Grey Alois: Hmm, it sure feels strange fraternizing with our arch-enemies... But bridging the gap is all part of the fun! I suppose you didn't get the pun. You see, it's a play on "arch" enemies and "bridging" the gap. Hahaha! What do you think? I've been really sharpening my joke skills these past two years!

*Shadow Shez Then Talks To Shadow Randolph and Shadow Fleche.*

Shadow Randolph: I was able to fulfill my duty to Her Majesty thanks to you.

Shadow Fleche: It's true! We wouldn't have been able to accomplish anything with just the two of us. Isn't that right, Shadow Randolph?

Shadow Randolph: Exactly. I'm blessed to have such great allies. Now I can make sure that Mom has an easy life. We've been through so much. But I'm glad we worked as hard as we did, Shadow Fleche!

*Shadow Shez Then Talks To Grey Gatekeeper.*

Grey Gatekeeper: Greetings, Commander! Nothing to report! No one has tried to breach these gates yet... But as we head deeper into enemy territory, there's no telling how long that might hold true. If our enemy shows up, I swear they won't get past me! At least...I hope.

*Shadow Shez Then Talks To Grey Anna.*

Grey Anna: Looks like all the fighting is going well. And remember, a little shopping never hurt anybody! It's been much easier doing business now that the Light Alliance and Shadow Empire are working together. I'm gonna cram my shop full of all kinds of bargains!

*Shadow Shez Then Talks To Shadow Arval.*

Shadow Arval: Hm... What must we do to attain victory over such a fierce opponent? I speak of your next goal. I wish to be of as much use to you as I can, seeing as we're partners in destiny. Strength alone will be insufficient. We must be clever as well.

*Shadow Shez Then Talks To Shadow Imperial General near the Common Area.*

Shadow Imperial General: I always go to Shadow Monica when I don't know Her Shadow Majesty's whereabouts. A lot of people do that, don't they? But hey, somehow she always knows. I wouldn't mind asking Shadow Hubert, but he's even harder to track down. And a little scary, at that. And neither Her Shadow Majesty nor Shadow Monica have any idea where he could be. Isn't that funny?

*Shadow Shez Then Talks To Shadow Imperial Soldier near the Chapel.*

Shadow Imperial Soldier: Hey, don't you think our camp has an unusual number of cats and dogs running around? Do you think they're... Nah, that can't be it. Never mind.

*Shadow Shez Then Talks To Light Troubadour by the campfire.*

Light Troubadour: I cannot reveal my identity for various reasons, but I can tell you I escaped from Light Faerghus. I joined a caravan and made the journey here. I know I would've met my end on the battlefield had I stayed in the Light Kingdom. That is a light warrior's job, is it not? Like my light father. My light uncle, as well... Hah! All I can do is pray for peace through my songs.

*Then Shadow Shez Talks To Shadow Merchant.*

Shadow Merchant: Tensions are growing at the border between the Light Kingdom and the Light Alliance, which means trading in the north is rotten right now. No one wants to get caught up in the fighting, and there are bandits and mercenaries stirring up trouble. If I want to take the safest route, then I have to go through Grey Garreg Mach. But that means passing through the mountains, which is such a major expense.

*Shadow Shez Then Talks To Shadow Imperial Soldier in the Watchtower.*

Shadow Imperial Soldier: When I heard the Shadow Empire was going to war, I honestly had no clue what they were thinking. But now I see that our victories keep pushing us closer toward our goals. I'm glad we got this far. I'm gonna do all I can, especially to honor my friends who died in battle!

*Shadow Shez Then Talks To Light Alliance General.*

Light Alliance General: Wow, the Imperial army is incredible! Everyone is so daring, and they win every battle. The Alliance army is at a loss with how to proceed, so I came to report and apologize.

*Shadow Shez Then Talks To Grey Mercenary.*

Grey Mercenary: Heya! I'm Grey Jetz, the number one breadwinner in Grey Jeralt's Mercenaries! Nice to meetcha! Do I have a brother? I dunno. I've been alone my whole life. Why are you lookin' like you've seen a ghost?! Was it something I said?

*Shadow Shez Then Talks To Shadow Imperial Soldier at the Central Plaza.*

Shadow Imperial Soldier: We must finish this war with the Kingdom before winter comes. It's true winter had just ended when we resumed fighting... But we can expect many more delays in the future.

*Shadow Shez Then Talks To Shadow Imperial General at the Training Grounds.*

Shadow Imperial General: In the northern part of the Kingdom we have Light Gautier, Light Fraldarius, Light Charon, and Light Galatea. All of those houses descended from the Ten Light Elites. Their loyalty to House Light Blaiddyd is, by and large, as solid as iron. By comparison, the nobles in this area have low morale, which makes them easy enough to deal with. House Light Dominic is the only exception, even though their territory is already under Shadow Empire control. They're also descended from the Ten Light Elites. Their lord and his family escaped, but I hear the other nobles have dragged them out and are trying to make them fight.

*Shadow Shez Then Sees Shadow Ferdinand And Shadow Hubert Talking.*

Shadow Ferdinand: Hubert, have you learned anything about my father's whereabouts?

Shadow Hubert: Nothing. We've not the faintest idea what he is up to. If we are lucky, he will be naught but a corpse by the wayside. I know that sounds cruel, but frankly, his death would do us a great service.

Shadow Ferdinand: You remain as blunt as the blacksmith's anvil. Still, I cannot deny the truth of what you say. I still think it for the best if he is taken into custody and given a fair trial under Imperial law. And yet, at times, a different thought manages to creep in around the edges of my mind. There is a part of me—a very small part, granted— that hopes he has found a quiet life for himself somewhere out of the way.

Shadow Hubert: The man can strive for a bucolic life all he wants, but he will never have it. Adrestia looks to be at peace, but beneath the surface many disagree with the emperor's ways. Make no mistake—these dissidents will seek out your father and prop him up as their leader.

Shadow Ferdinand: Yes, I suppose he will never stop being the former prime minister and a symbol of the old regime. But to frame it as you do...

Shadow Hubert: I am right, and you know it. Make your peace with it. Once a man strays from the path, there is no guiding him back.

Shadow Ferdinand: I disagree. I believe we all deserve a second chance. In any case, if you find out anything about my father, be sure to inform me.

*Light Ferdinand leaves.*

Shadow Hubert: I almost wish they did prop the man up, because perhaps then... Ah, but no. Either way, it seems I will have to start taking more serious precautions. I only hope he can settle things with his father in one manner or the other—just as I did.

*At Shadow Imperial Army Camp, Brennius Territory.*

Shadow Edelgard: Our recent battles have won nearly all of the Kingdom's central and western lords to our side. Those who chose not to bend the knee are making their last stand in that castle.

Shadow Hubert: They are weary men unable to keep pace with the times, and now we can be rid of them all in but a single stroke. They had plenty of chances to surrender and chose not to avail themselves thus. Show no mercy. If they wish to cling to the past, let them die in its embrace.

Shadow Linhardt: I wish they'd consider all the poor souls they're forcing to perish along with them.

Shadow Bernadetta: Sure, but I fully understand why they'd want to hole up in a castle. That's my go-to move!

Shadow Petra: They are beneath a siege, not "holed up." The difference is unequivocal.

Shadow Caspar: Sorry, what?

Shadow Petra: Unequivocal. It is a new word I have been learning. Its meaning is clear and unambiguous, yes?

Shadow Caspar: Again, what? Look, the way I see it, we just need to bust through the gates and pummel the stuffing out of them.

Shadow Monica: It unfortunately is not that simple. Most of the Light Kingdom's castles are specifically designed to withstand a siege. Our only option is to chip away at them slowly from the surrounding forts.

Shadow Ferdinand: I agree there is no place for mercy on the battlefield. If the enemy desires a fight, we will rend them asunder and leave their bones on the midden heap.

Shadow Dorothea: We need to move carefully—a cornered foe is capable of anything.

Shadow Shez: I vote we play it safe. We didn't come all this way just to die so close to our goal.

Shadow Edelgard: That's right. There's no need to rush when victory is all but assured.

*At the start of battle*

Shadow Edelgard: As we thought, they've made Baron Light Dominic their figurehead because of his blood ties to the Ten Light Elites. But frankly, his lineage is of no concern to me. Your orders are to breach the castle, find him, and cut him down.

Shadow Shez: Or We can find Light Annette with Light Timmy and get her to convince her father and uncle to join us.

Shadow Edelgard: Yeah or that.

Shadow Ferdinand: EIther way, We will begin by eliminating the troops outside the castle. Split up and take control of those strongholds!

Shadow Hubert: Do take care not to forge too far ahead, now. It would be disastrous if the enemy were to seize our main base.

*After seizing one of the outer strongholds*

Shadow Bernadetta: Why won't you just give up already?

*After seizing two of the outer strongholds*

Shadow Caspar: Yeah, that's how it's done! One to go!

*After seizing all of the outer strongholds*

Shadow Hubert: Yes, that thinned the castle perimeter nicely. Now we must find a way to--

Light Kingdom Soldier: Help! It's a bloodbath out here! Let us in, we beg you!

Baron Light Dominic: I can't leave those people out there to die! Open the gates!

*Baron Dominic opens the main gate to allow his troops to retreat inside.*

Shadow Hubert: Yes, throw the gates wide--let that bleeding heart get the best of you!

*Light Gustave appears to defend the castle once an ally enters through the main gate.*

Light Gustave: No one will ravage these light lands while I still draw breath. I will lay the lot of you low!

*When Light Gustave's HP reach <= 50%*

Light Gustave: I must buy as much time as I can...

*When Light Gustave is defeated*

Light Gustave: That is all the fight I have left in me--I pray it was enough, my brother.

VIscount Light Brennius: Our preparations are complete! Begin the counterattack at once!

*Viscount Light Brennius and the rest of the Western Kingdom lords--Viscount Light Belinus, Viscount Light Enid, Count Light Geraint, and Count Light Duval--arrive.*

Shadow Ferdinand: So the enemy still has warriors with spirit, do they? Good! Let us give them a fight to remember!

*Viscount Light Brennius' forces march toward the Allied Base.*

Shadow Edelgard: They have both of our flanks. Split up and eliminate them before they cause any real trouble. Show yourself, Baron Light Dominic! Surrender, and I will spare your life!

Baron Light Dominic: My life means nothing if I must spend the rest of it facing my people in shame! I will not abandon them in their time of need!

*Baron Light Dominic appears at the Command Post, and Light Gustave reappears near the Reception Hall*

Light Gustave: I will not suffer you to lay a hand on my brother!

*If the strategy "Backdoor Intel" was prepared*

Shadow Hubert: According to our intelligence, there is a secret passage in the area that can help us gain the upper hand.

*When the strategy "Backdoor Intel" is used, a hidden passage opens that connects the Warehouse to the Dungeon*

Shadow Hubert: Excellent. This should catch the enemy off guard. Now, let us see where it leads...

*When a unit enters the Dungeon*

Grey Annette: I knew someone would reveal that passage. Well, this is as far as you go!

*Light Annette appears to defend the path to Baron Light Dominic.*

Light Annette: I'm not afraid to fight. I'm doing this for all the people I care about!

Shadow Hubert: She wields a Hero's Relic. If we strip her of it, it could serve us well in the future.

Light Gustave: I told you not to put yourself in danger, Annette!

*Light Gustave retreats again to defend Light Annette.*

Light Annette: I promised to defend this castle, and I will--no matter who I have to face!

*When Light Mercedes approaches Light Annette*

**Light Annette: *sad* Light Mercie, how could you? You're my best friend!

Light Mercedes: I'm so sorry, Annie...

*Suddenly Light Timmy approaches Light Annette)

Light Annette: Light Timmy?

Light Timmy: You can convince everyone here to join us.

*Then Light Annette joins The Empire Side as an ally. Light Gustave Arrive.*

Light Gustave: What are you doing, Light Annette?

Light Annette: Father! Everyone! Listen To Light Timmy.

Light Gustave: Make Your Case On Why We Should Side with the Empire.

Light Timmy: Listen to me.  My goal when I founded was to find a threat inside all 3 lands of Grey Fodlan.  I have found it.  It is those Who Shadow Slither In The Dark.  They had turned the Shadow Empire against the other land by experimenting on their royal family to give their heir a second Crest which is the Crest of seiros which we byleths share.  Also lysithea was given a second Crest by agents in the Light Alliance. Hapi was given her power to summon monsters by Light Cornelia in the Light Kingdom.  Their end goal is to take down the ones who sided with seiros in the ancient war but through this research I found something about Grey Seiros, Grey Nemesis, And The Ten Light Elites.  Nemesis and The Ten Light Elites were the ones who killed the Grey Goddess on the word of Those Who Shadow Slither In The Dark.  Grey Rhea now sides with Nemesis who is an ancient evil of the continent and Grey Rhea And Shadow Thales Go to Their Deaths To Bring back Grey Nemesis.  All of who are working for a creepy person in another nation to destroy our world as Only by us uniting can the nations of our world stop every creepy person and Save Our World From Creepy Xavius.

Baron Light Dominic: That can’t be.

Shadow Edelgard: What he says is the truth.  Also Dimitri And Claude know but are forced to pretend not to so that Grey Rhea Doesn't catch on and we must do this for our true gods, The Writers.

Baron Light Dominic: Then We must work together to end this threat.

*Shadow Edelgard, Shadow Hubert, Light Timmy, Shadow Byleth, and Shadow Shez meet outside Light Brennius Castle after Baron Light Dominic's Surrender.*

Shadow Edelgard: They deified him for being the descendant of a supposed-To-be hero. Now we have him on our side.

Shadow Hubert: I am glad that there are those that see sense.  But how did you learn of this, your Shadow Majesty?

Shadow Edelgard: From The Byleths and Sothis Herself Who brought a writer along to prove it. That notion alone should tell you how warped the world has become because those creepy people.

Shadow Hubert: Well said, Your Majesty. We must prevail if we are to change the world. This war is only the first step.

Shadow Shez: I get it now.

Shadow Hubert: I beg your pardon?

Shadow Shez: Everything's finally clicked for me. I understand what we're really up against here.

Shadow Edelgard: Oh?

Shadow Shez: I told you before, I don't always get where you're coming from. Still, you trusted me, and that was enough. But what you said just then? It made me realize we're not fighting the grey church or the Light Kingdom. I mean, we are, of course—but what we're really up against is the world itself. And even if we win, there's no guarantee we'll leave Grey Fodlan in better shape than we found it. All we can do is try our best and hope it works out. Pretty hard to wrap your brain around, honestly. I can't even begin to fathom how you can grapple with something that heavy.

Shadow Hubert: Heh. Once again, you manage to find a most surprising nugget of philosophy.

Shadow Edelgard: I knew you'd understand. Even if I can't point to the reason why I felt that way. But I'm glad to hear you say it. Thank you. Shadow Imperial soldiers! The lands of Light Brennius now belong to us! As you know, Light Brennius shares a border with Light Blaiddyd territory. The enemy's stronghold of Light Fhirdiad is but a stone's throw away—at long last, we approach the final push of this campaign! Stay vigilant! But be not afraid! We shall wield our weapons as one, claim our victory, and unite all of Fódlan under our flag!

*The Shadow Imperial soldiers cheer.*

Shadow Ferdinand: Light Blaiddyd land at last... The Light Kingdom will be more desperate than ever now.

Shadow Monica: As they should be. We have stripped away nearly half of their territory at this point. But we still have the remaining houses to contend with. Charon, Galatea, Fraldarius, and Gautier are all unshakably faithful to the crown. They would tear us to pieces had they the chance. Certainly not my idea of a fun afternoon.

Shadow Hubert: Still, we have no choice but to face them unless they decide to stop harboring the archbishop.

Shadow Monica: Do you think that's even a possibility? The people of the Light Kingdom are quite devout, after all.

Shadow Hubert: I highly doubt it. So let them huddle together like the cornered rats they are and... Hmm?

Shadow Shez: Huh? What's going on?

*An Shadow Imperial Soldier enters.*

Shadow Imperial Soldier: Urgent news, my lord! Massive revolts have broken out in Shadow Hrym and Light Ordelia territory!

Shadow Hubert: What?!

Shadow Ferdinand: Did you say Hrym?!

Shadow Shez: Unrest in the Shadow Empire can't be a coincidence!

Shadow Hubert: So, those who shadow slither in the dark have finally made their move.Shadow Arval: This is it. This is our chance to figure out who or what those people really are.

[cantsayidont]

Moviezzz:

THE AMERICAN SOCIETY OF MAGICAL NEGROES (2024): Underdeveloped Kobi Libii satire about a down-on-his-luck Black artist (Justice Smith) who's recruited (by David Alan Grier) to become a kind of Black fairy godfather for fretful white people, only to immediately stumble when he and his first "client" (Drew Tarver) both fall for the same attractive woman (An-Li Bogan). The concept is pointed, and the scenes with Grier take some well-deserved if rather easy potshots at films like THE GREEN MILE and DRIVING MISS DAISY, but those scenes outline a thesis that the main story really doesn't pay off; you could cut all the magical stuff completely without significantly changing the plot, which is a fairly ordinary romcom about a young Black man whose artistic and romantic ambitions are undermined by his socially conditioned reluctance to assert himself. Frustratingly, the movie's most interesting twist — which actually reframes the entire story in a completely new and provocative light — comes right at the end, leaving no opportunity to actually engage with it. CONTAINS LESBIANS? Not a one. VERDICT: Like THEY CLONED TYRONE, it's a logline in search of a script, and it accomplishes less with its premise in 90+ minutes than a decent episode of THE BOONDOCKS could have managed in 20.

THE HIT (1984): Unusual but hard-to-enjoy existentialist road movie about a pair of British hitmen — a twitchy, vaguely reptillian aging pro (John Hurt) and a cocky, naive young punk (Tim Roth) — transporting an aging former hood (Terrence Stamp) from Spain to Paris, where he's to be killed for having testified against his cohorts 10 years earlier. The target is unnervingly philosophical about it all, but the same can't be said for Maggie (Laura del Sol), a young Spanish girl they abduct along the way, intending to murder her at the earliest convenient opportunity. Watching Stamp drive young Roth up the wall with his c'est la vie attitude is mildly amusing, but the way Maggie is terrorized and brutalized throughout makes the film unpleasant to watch despite its deliberately lackadaisical pace and seriocomic tone. CONTAINS LESBIANS? Nope. VERDICT: One can see what they were going for, but the results are more distasteful than satisfying.

IRISH WISH (2024): Glossy, vacuous fantasy-romance about a professional editor named Maddie Kelly (Lindsay Lohan), who's in love with bestselling author Paul Kennedy (Alexander Vlahos) despite the fact that he's about to marry her best friend Emma (Elizabeth Tan). While they're in Ireland for the wedding, Saint Brigid (Dawn Bradfield) unexpectedly grants Maddie's wish that she, not Emma, be the one to marry Paul, which soon backfires when Maddie falls for hunky photographer James Thomas (Ed Speleers) instead. Intended as inoffensive fluff that relies more on pretty Irish scenery and Speleers' square jaw than on story or characterization, it's not entirely satisfying even on its own modest terms: Maddie's willingness to essentially hijack her best friend's romantic destiny feels meaner than the script is prepared to acknowledge (a problem that the casting of Elizabeth Tan as Emma only accentuates); a subplot involving Paul's reluctance to credit Maddie's contributions to his books raises the question of why she's still willing to work with him, much less marry him; and Jane Seymour is wasted in a pointless supporting role as Maddie's mom, whose attempts to make it to Ireland for her daughter's magically convened wedding keep ending in disaster. CONTAINS LESBIANS? Nary a one. VERDICT: Isn't Lohan getting too old for this sort of thing?

IRMA VEP (1996): Overrated Olivier Assayas behind-the-scenes drama — mostly filmed in a cinéma vérité mumblecore style that makes subtitles mandatory no matter how many languages you speak — starring Maggie Cheung (playing herself, more or less) as a Hong Kong actress who flies to Paris to shoot an artsy Catwoman-inspired remake of a 1915–1916 silent movie serial, a role that requires her to be wedged into a black latex catsuit whose designer (Nathalie Richard) would also like to get into Maggie's pants. (This is only one aspect of the rambling plot, but it's also the only part that's remotely interesting.) Highly regarded by critics for its knowing jabs at French cinema and French film criticism, but if you're not impressed with its cinephile onanism (which has a very narrow appeal even among cinephiles), it's mostly pretty dull. It only really comes to life during a voyeuristic dream sequence in which Maggie imagines herself wandering through her hotel (initially to a soundtrack of Sonic Youth's "Tunic (Song for Karen)") and stealing a necklace from the room of a naked woman who's arguing with her lover on the telephone. CONTAINS LESBIANS? Zoé (the Nathalie Richard character) is expressly into Maggie, but Maggie doesn't seem to reciprocate, so, like many things in this movie, nothing comes of it. VERDICT: If you're not a Cahiers du cinéma contributor looking to see if you were mentioned, you might need an extra cup of coffee to stay awake, catsuits notwithstanding.

SALYUT-7 (2017): Cardboard Russian adventure film about the daring 1985 Soyuz T-13 mission to try to repair the titular space station, which had gone into an uncontrolled spin after the failure of its onboard automated systems. Faced with the risk of the station crashing to Earth in a populated area, two veteran cosmonauts (played here by Vladimir Vdovichenkov and Pavel Derevyanko) managed to dock with the station, thaw out its snow-covered interior, and locate the source of the original malfunction in time to avoid disaster. The film is a technically competent fictionalization of a fairly harrowing real-world adventure, inevitably embellished for dramatic and propagandistic effect (although in the latter respect, it's no worse than FOR ALL MANKIND). Unfortunately, the quality of the effects isn't matched by the script, characterization, or acting, which are all on the level of an old-school American TV movie. CONTAINS LESBIANS? Nyet! VERDICT: Only for committed space nerds.

STUCK (2007): Stomach-churning misanthropic nightmare — allegedly a black comedy, although that would imply that it was funny — about a bitchy nursing assistant (Mena Suvari with cornrows) who hits a newly unhoused man (Stephen Rea) with her car, leaving him embedded in the windshield, horribly injured. Rather than calling 911, she parks the car in her garage and takes a taxi to work in the morning, leaving the man trapped, bleeding, and struggling to summon help. Later, she and her drug dealer boyfriend (Russell Hornsby) attempt repeatedly to murder him in hopes of covering up what she's done. Fun! The story, inspired by an actual incident, hinges on the idea that nearly every single person in the film, from the patients at the nursing home where the Suvari character works to the awful people at the employment agency where Rea has tried in vain to apply, is an irredeemably cruel and selfish monster, with the few exceptions (like a sympathetic homeless man and a young Latino boy who sees the Rea character's plight) serving mostly to prove the rule. As you might expect, it's violent, kind of racist, and definitely not for the squeamish. CONTAINS LESBIANS? No, but you'll be grateful. VERDICT: If you're in a very bad mood, you might find the film's mean-spirited nastiness cathartic, but it's otherwise an unrewarding ordeal.

[ncisfranchise-source]

New guy Alden Parker (Gary Cole) had some giant shoes to fill when he took over in 2021 as head of the NCIS team from longtime leader Leroy Jethro Gibbs (Mark Harmon, who’d been with the series since the 2003 premiere). After a bumpy start with the agents, Parker won them over, but fans loved Cole — a familiar face with a long career in TV and films — from the start. We spoke with the actor about his character’s journey so far.

When Director Vance (Rocky Carroll) offered Parker the job, he hesitated. Why?

Gary Cole: He [wondered], “Is this where I really want to be?” The stakes couldn’t be higher. The [team is] on a perpetual stress train. Parker, by nature, is a loner. Out of instinct, he doesn’t trust anybody. But he’s got to make compromises and do two things: watch his back and trust other people with his life. At first, Parker was adversarial with everybody, but Vance gave him the benefit of the doubt. [Vance] is a trademark good leader, firm but fair, and that’s what Parker tries to be.

Parker bonded with his agents in “All Hands” (Season 19, Episode 11), when he led them in outsmarting and outfighting terrorists on a ship. It was the first time Parker called them “my team.” Why was this a game-changer?

The circumstances were so black and white. People’s lives were on the line. Being in charge, he was responsible for them. Before then, the team had reason to not necessarily have a lot of confidence or trust in him because Gibbs had been there so long that they were used to one thing, and Parker was not that. In this episode, he’s proving himself to the team. In real life, about two weeks before, I tore my meniscus. Whenever we weren’t shooting, I was sitting on an apple box with a giant bag of ice.

(Credit: Robert Voets/CBS via Getty Images )

How does Parker see the agents now?

Parker looks to get McGee’s [Sean Murray] take on the big picture, zeroing in on whoever they’re looking for, whatever they’re trying to solve. He knows that in Torres [Wilmer Valderrama] he’s got a guy that will go the distance, go undercover, do the dirty, badass work, and to some degree [so will] Knight [Katrina Law]. With Torres, he sees recklessness he’d rather wasn’t there. There is a concern that Torres is going to go off a cliff because he wants to do things that are extreme.

Parker is notorious for his many passions: international pastries, bird-watching, horticulture. Have you picked any of those up?

None of his hobbies interest me whatsoever. [Laughs] I like a good doughnut as much as the next guy, so maybe that’s the closest. [The hobbies are] a distraction from the job and maybe the inability to be somebody who’s more social or comfortable around people. He is a guy who can’t sit still. He’s not somebody who reflects a lot — until he doesn’t have a choice if something is weighing on him.

In “Thick as Thieves” (Season 19, Episode 15), fans were just as surprised as the team to learn Parker was in juvie! How does that relate to the agent we know?

He was on the other side, albeit in a juvenile crime, and got close to a path that would have, if not destroyed his life, really altered it. He chose the path of law enforcement, and he takes it very seriously. What makes the character interesting is stuff you don’t see on a frequent basis. It’s bubbling underneath.

(Credit: Sonja Flemming/CBS via Getty Images)

Speaking of bubbling underneath, we learned in “Bridges” (Season 20, Episode 11) that he never got over high school love Joy Aaronson (Rachel Ticotin). Let’s talk about the women in his life. His ex-wife, former FBI agent Vivian Kolchak (Teri Polo), helped him when he was framed for murder, and he had a fling with Sen. Constance Miller (Brigid Brannagh), but nothing sticks. Can Parker commit to a relationship?

If there’s a theme running through that, it’s reluctance. Maybe that traces back to the episode with his ex-partner that he wounded. That’s a significant piece that has something to do with his reluctance to be close to anyone, and certainly, with a woman in the most intimate way. It’s on the back burner.

Right. In “Old Wounds” (Season 20, Episode 14), we met his former FBI partner Jeremy Brighton (Michael Patrick Thornton), whom Parker had mistakenly shot and paralyzed. There was a scene where Brighton had Parker read aloud the letter Brighton had written him shortly after the incident. What was it like to play that?

It’s as emotional a scene as I’ve done in quite a long time, and I was able to do that in a more effective way than maybe I ever had — just because of life experience and working as an actor. I wanted Parker to get the letter and read it back to his partner, almost in anger at first, and then discover the turn [to forgiveness] that the letter makes almost as if it just kind of overtook him and he didn’t expect it. That’s what we wound up doing. It brought some closure to whatever Parker had been holding on to over that.

(Credit: Robert Voets/CBS)

Parker’s dad, Roman (Francis Xavier McCarthy), whom we met in “Birds of a Feather” (Season 19, Episode 21), has criticized his son for not joining the Navy and for divorcing Vivian. But Roman’s also helped on cases! How do you see their relationship?

We don’t know much about what went on when he was younger, but I think at one point he was yearning for his dad’s attention or approval. He loves his father, but it doesn’t come easy between the two of ’em. I liked the way those scenes were written, especially Parker trying to set him up in a new apartment and Roman finally relents and gives his son credit and tells him he’s proud of him. That means a lot. Parker was more exasperated with his father than anything else that ever happened on the show, which has a real-life feeling.

Coming up in Season 21, Parker will pose as a surgeon in one episode. He’s previously impersonated a lawyer and psychiatrist, which seems risky for a federal agent.

Parker does have a gift for bulls–ttery, if that’s a word. He’s comfortable in that. He was introduced [to the series] as this wacko guy who was a lone wolf and hiding the fact that he was working for the FBI and closing in on the same person as NCIS. He will pose as somebody else to get what he wants.