#breaking that cycle of abuse and being a positive force in people's lives

[nekrosmos]

My ability to calm people down in record time will never not be funny to me, useful skill to have in social work for sure

[bhaalsdeepbat]

Some Astarion Endings Thoughts. This is mostly just analysis ramblings and going over the endings and how Ascended Astarion and Spawn Astarion differ.

You have the free the spawn ending, where the cycle of abuse is ended and the Player Character chose to give the other spawn a chance to either be the monster they were made to be OR try to be more than that. And it isn't a perfect solution because, yes, they're rabid, starving vampires. There is always a chance that choice goes wrong, especially if player choices led to the Gur being wiped out AND the other 6 spawn being killed during the ritual.

Mercy killing, not sacrificing the spawn, is seen as an equally good choice, though it's complicated for the reasons stated above. None of the Spawn are there by choice and mercy-killing them takes away the freedom and autonomy that Astarion was very lucky to have even experienced. It's a hard decision, but the characters recognize it was either this or risk unleashing a HOARD of ravenous Spawn. The Underdark is uniquely qualified to be home to 7000+ hungry Vampire Spawn, but not everyone is going to go down there. In fact, if you send the spawn there, you find out not all of them even make it to where they decide to settle.

Mercy killing the spawn ensures no one else can be hurt by any of the spawn, whether it be their bloodthirst or violence as a reaction to the cruelty they experienced. However, the spawn made by Cazador ARE all innocent people. If you play Oath of Devotion Paladin and mercy kill the spawn, you will break your Oath because every single victim of his is just that. A victim. Astarion has a few moments throughout the story where he tries to convince the player - and himself - that not all of Cazador's victims could be innocents, but they very much are.

Astarion desperately doesn't want to see himself in them. The spawn in the cells are a reflection of what he was like when Cazador had him locked in that tomb or when Cazador had him starving on bugs and rats, and he has NO idea what he looks like anymore. I'm not even sure he's fully convinced he doesn't look partially like that tbh

The third option for Astarion's spawn ending is to just leave the other spawn in their prisons, which is seen as a really fucking cruel fate. Killing them is better than just leaving them there to starve for the rest of their eternal lives. This is also Astarion's cruelest choice, the one he makes to spite the player AND the other spawn because of how helpless he feels if he's not properly convinced to give up the power that was just within his grasp. If he cannot be fully free of Cazador and the pain he caused, then none of the other spawn can, either.

Regardless of the player's decision on what to do with the spawn, if Astarion is kept a spawn, he's able to empathize with the other victims of Cazador and see himself in them. He is forced to contend with the fact that NONE of them deserved to be caught in Cazador's cruelty. In his Spawn ending, he sees the other spawn for what they are: victims of a cruel man trying to play power games by using people as pawns and currency.

Ascension is meant to represent locking into the cycle of abuse. For Astarion, this first step is achieved by sacrificing over seven thousand souls. This move alone changes the Spawn from representations of himself, and the depths of the horrors he experienced, into currency to trade for the power to ensure he will never be in that position ever again. Rather than victims of the same horrors, they become a necessary price to pay in service of elevating him to a station above their own.

And he does see himself as a being above everyone else once he Ascends. He sees mortals as cattle. Potential pets or food, but animals that need to be herded all the same.

This includes Tav/Durge.

The whole plan to seduce Tav/Durge was born from the person Astarion was while still reeling from two centuries of of Hell. It was habits and survival instincts from living under Cazador that start to unravel when the reality of it all starts to set in. You catch peeks of who he is behind his carefully constructed mask of charm and prepared scripts, poison delivered with sweet words and a perfectly composed smile.

When he confesses, he wants to give Tav/Durge something real, but it also a mirror to what will happen in his diverging pathways. If he remains Spawn, he can give them something real. They're equal, loving partners. Ascended Astarion sees their partner as a potential pet to be loved, lavished, but ultimately owned.

The ownership is for a couple of reasons. One is so that he can ensure he has someone who will never turn on him. It's clear he has an alignment shift to being straight up evil and wants to conquer...and he talks about it in front of Faerun's best monster hunters. He needs to make sure Tav/Durge isn't included in that. He also wants to make sure they never leave him. Since he never faces what Cazador did, nor does he face the fact that things ARE changing and it's generally a good thing for people to grow and relationships to change with that growth, he wants to make sure things remain in stasis. Spawn Astarion trusts Tav/Durge to not do anything to hurt him and trusts the future they have together, whatever that may be. Turning them into a Spawn when Astarion Ascends ensures that there IS no change. Ever. Tav/Durge and the relationship are quite literally frozen in time.

Once Astarion Ascends, he stops seeing any of his companions as anything but potential pawns. His Origin Ascended ending provides an excellent glimpse at how he views the companions. Their collective strength is just ripe for plucking and he isn't afraid to make them spawn by force. I think the coldness the player can comment on after he Ascends is because he no longer feels any kinship toward the companions. He can create a script and run through it, but there won't be warmth where his beating heart is still rotted to its core.

Ascending him also starts him on the path to becoming another Cazador. If you go into the room with Vellioth's skull AFTER the ritual, rather than before, you get specific interactions with the various items that are WILDLY different from Spawnstarion (who also reacts differently depending on if it's before or after the ritual).

Astarion shows hesitation if taken into the room BEFORE the ritual, because he's forced to see the names of the people he has to sacrifice to ascend AND he sees how pathetic Cazador is when it comes to Vellioth. If you interact with the list of names or Vellioth's skull after choosing NOT to ascend, Astarion shows more remorse and empathy.

and as a side note THAT is who he is beneath the burden of his pain, when he is able start freeing himself from it. cazador's symbol is the knot of rats. Astarion sees the knot and cannot see himself in it, even though he himself is just one of the rats who happened to escape.

Ascended Astarion, on the other hand, is flippant. There's a list of names of ALL the spawn he sacrificed to ascended, and he just. He doesn't take seriously AT ALL that he just sent all those souls to be tormented in the Hells. Ascended Astarion never sees himself as a rat to begin with. He sees himself as a victim, but the others caught in Cazador's trap were all unfortunates and other bad words he can use to make them seem less deserving of empathy (empathy that he no longer has, when he ascends imo)

Astarion spent the first two acts feeling like he needed to rely on them for protection because he never felt his own strength was enough, even though his kit is fucking BROKEN. Ascending him affirms that he wasn't strong enough to protect them in any meaningful way as is, and also that no part of him was enough as just a spawn. He doesn't want to continue to rely on the player for protection, but Ascended Astarion is more than happy to make the most powerful beings in Faerun his spawn so they can keep him protected. All that power from the ritual, and he wants an army of powerful Spawn to do the dirty work for him.

As an extension of this, turning romanced Tav/Durge into a spawn is to make sure he has complete control over the one person he views as stronger than himself. Slaying Cazador is something he always credits to the player. Ascended Astarion is constantly haunted by Cazador and what he did. Tav/Durge was the one being stronger than him, which makes them a threat if they ever turn on him. Now, he knows he has one person he can always trust.

He even starts laying out the building blocks to potentially set rules similar to the ones Cazador had for his spawn. The way he starts mentioning them is very manipulative, too. They're statements made to seem like he's just expressing the depth of his devotion (still creepy), but he's really setting up being able to reiterate the rules without it being weird once the tadpoles are dealt with. He's fully aware that the tadpole will prevent Spawn!Player from being completely under his control. It's why you can break up with him before the end, but then he refuses to let the player go at the very end.

Spawn ending, when not romanced, Astarion decides to just travel by himself and become a hero. He doesn't find another group to travel with. He goes by himself. Spawn Astarion recognizes his own strength, embraces his Vampirism, not as something that taints him, but as a power to be unleashed on the real monsters. HE does the dirty work.

I love love love exploring both endings and I love the way Astarion's character can grow depending on player choice, then completely branch into two different ways once you hit the Ascension vs Spawn choice.

ty for reading my ramblings. I know this wasn't a straightforward analysis or anything, and def doesn't have an actual conclusion or like. point beyond character exploration. a lot of these thoughts are just me thinking character through so i can write them better. i want to explore these aspects of him, but I do ramble things first to get general characterization thoughts out.

[notdeezy]

Actually I will join @misssicknesss and make my own post abt how.. weird a lot of Amnesia fans are in treating Daniel vs Alexander.

Incoming huge rant

Like unironically I feel uncomfortable around u if you constantly talk about how Daniel is a sweet uwu innocent cinnamon roll (He's not. He's a grown man.) And how evil and manipulative Alexander is and feel sympathy solely for Daniel.

Seriously there's a lot of infantilzation happening with Daniel in the fandom which I think is also rooted in ableism. Daniel showing signs of mental disorders like Schizophrenia- in turn the fandom sees Daniel as this sweet innocent baby that didn't know better when that's not how Schizophrenia works. (Or In general how psychosis works)

People with Schizophrenia don't just go around randomly murdering little girls when they have an episode and just because they experienced psychosis doesn't mean that they can't be held accountable for their actions- especially when it comes to MURDER.

Even without Daniel murdering someone during a psychosis, he willingly and consciously tortured and murdered innocents before that. He was 100% aware of what he was doing and found pleasure in it. Daniel is not an innocent man.

Also did the fandom like collectively forget that Daniel is a British Colonizer who works for the British musuem and the reason Amnesia TDD happened in the first place is because he fucking grave robbed an Algerian Tomb during an expedition???

Talk as much as you want about Daniel being an abuse victim turned abuser who didn't break the cycle to justify his behavior but literally no one forced him to work at the British Musuem. It definitely didn't come from his family from what we know.

Daniel is not your sweet innocent uwu baby.

Okay. Now to Alexander. I'll try my best not to be biased here as the number one Alexander Apologist but Alexander is also not a good person, duh. He kidnapped people and tortured them as well for vitae over centuries and killed anyone who was a liability to him before turning their mangled corpses into his servants.

What differentiates Alexander from Daniel is his remorse. Unlike Daniel, Alexander doesn't enjoy what he's doing. He isn't opposed to it but you don't see him laughing maniacally as he cuts open his victim or mock their pleas for help. People defend Daniel with the reasoning that Daniel was acting on instinct and wanted to save his own life. True, but then you can't turn around and shit on Alexander for doing the exact same thing. Pick a lane.

Alexander doesn't torture people for fun. He does it because the resource found within human anguish- vitae- is what he needs to return home to a loved one. He has tried finding other methods to harvest vitae before resorting to human torture! And in a memory capsule he notes that if he doesn't get home soon, he'll be killed because of his involvement in human politics. Alexander is also just trying to save himself. He constantly laments about how he misses his old self. How he's aware that he has become a monster. How he lives in anguish every single day. He feels like that he has no other choice but to be cruel and he hates it every step of the way. But his desire to return to his love keeps him going.

If you ask me that makes Alexander way more sympathetic than the British bloke who, upon being forced to deal with the consequences of his actions, threw a temper tantrum, cried (literally), blamed Alexander for everything then drank an Amnesia potion to run away from the repercussions.

YES Alexander was manipulative towards Daniel during the game, preying on his insecurities in an attempt to stop him but that was during a time where he was about to finally return home after centuries of being stuck on Earth, homesick and miserable. I'd personally have a hard time staying chipper too if I was in that position. Alexander was desperate.

On top of that, Daniel was manipulative too! News Flash! The way he manipulated Elise Zimmermann into staying at the Castle to keep her from escaping and telling local authorities was fucking disgusting. Even more so when you know that he murdered her shortly after for no reason other than his paranoia. That's a lot more reprehensible than Alexander manipulating Daniel into making him give up and submit to the Shadow (again, out of desperation!!). And if that wasn't enough, Daniel called Elise a "little bitch" and tried justifying what he did by trying to convince himself that she deserved it because he refuses to acknowledge that he's an evil person.

Again. If you want to acknowledge that Alexander was manipulative, then you also need to acknowledge that so was Daniel. In a way that was a lot more evil than Alexander if you ask me.

Long story short: don't talk to me if you think Daniel was an innocent baby that did nothing wrong and Alexander is the big evil abuser.

[spoiler-alert-andabunchofnumbers]

Yessss but like Laurent is also STILL trapped in a cycle of misery when Damen first comes along. For the duration of the first book, Laurent has, by no means, escaped the Regent's grasp on him. Not only was he emotionally and sexually abused during the most vulnerable point in his life (losing both his father and his older brother who were these brilliant paragon kings in his eyes that he felt he could never live up to), but the Regent has been playing a careful game with Laurent all this time even after he gained some level of agency in his life.

Damen and Laurent are enemies-to-lovers of course, but Laurent has an extremely long way to go. Damen only goes to Laurent in the first place because he manages to discern that Laurent is the lesser of two evils - the Regent will betray him the moment he gets what he wants, but Laurent proves himself honorable enough to help Damen get some slaves to a better place even at the risk of his own reputation. The Regent is looking for every reason possible to strip Laurent of his rightful-heir position, and Damen ends up having to choose to risk himself even when he's in a delicate position as a slave when he decides to take Laurent's side.

It cannot be stressed enough: Every single person Laurent gets close to and begins to trust is either ruined, killed, or turns against him thanks to the Regent, and that changes when Damen comes along. At first, it seems like Damen is protecting Laurent so desperately because Laurent is the only chance he has at surviving and gaining some level of favor while he's in enemy territory - but Damen DOES make some escape attempts, he DOES talk back, be DOES do dangerous things. Damen was not necessarily a good person before he met Laurent either, having to be humbled by his position. The fact that Damen is also the man who killed his brother doesn't exactly make Laurent any happier about being forced to work with him.

However, Damen is useful. He's strong, he's smart (having the knowledge and training of a foreign prince that Laurent can use), and he's determined to keep Laurent alive. It's a good alliance, even if it's extremely risky - he figured out pretty quickly who Damen really was, and it's natural for him to expect Damen to betray him the moment he has an advantage and no longer needs Laurent to help him from his slave position. Everyone else has. He's stuck in this constant state of wondering just when every connection he lets into his heart will snap and break him ever further. That's why even when he and Damen share their first romantic scenes, Laurent is still tricky and borderline hurtful towards Damen; they're not instantly lovey-dovey the moment they share their feelings because Laurent can't shake off the pain of knowing he could lose Damen in so many ways - either from Damen getting hurt or taken by outside forces, or worse, Damen himself choosing to abandon him.

But the thing is, Damen proves him wrong over and over and over. Laurent admits later how terrifying it was for him to be falling in love with Damen, because Damen kept proving how he cared about Laurent genuinely and was strong enough to stand by him even against the odds. He goes out of his way to save Laurent's life, goes out of his way to choose him over the Regent, goes out of his way to make an alliance with him rather than turning on his enemy once he gets back to his own people.

The second book gives Laurent a breath of fresh air, as he's no longer in the Regent's domain where he constantly had to be on guard. He fights off a few assassinations, with Damen proving his loyalties over and over, even when Laurent occasionally abandons and even outright betrays him to put Damen at a distance. Damen stands by him anyway, Damen proves he's not only going to stand by Laurent when Laurent is important to him, but also staying with him even when he doesn't have to.

Laurent was terrified that once Damen's cuffs came off, once he was no longer a slave and was back into a prince - a king, even - Laurent would stand no chance. He's been dreaming all these years about being able to beat Damen and avenge his brother, but after the two of them have an ugly scuffle, Laurent admits painfully that he knows he'd never be able to beat Damen in a fight. Laurent is good, he's willing to fight dirty, what he lacks in physical might he makes up for with his tactics. He uses everything he learns from Damen to eventually become self-sufficient, trying to not need Damen anymore. Laurent is good at what he does, but he's never felt like he's enough - he's always on the defensive with his uncle, and here comes Damen also out-doing him even when he's stuck as a slave. Both of them were captive princes in their own way, but Laurent sees how Damen seems to be so much better than him at surviving in shackles.

However, then Damen is determined to treat Laurent as his equal. He gives one of his slave cuffs to Laurent as a sign of their equal status. Instead of shedding the memory of his slavery, he holds onto them and makes them a symbol of his connection and dedication with Laurent. It's him shackling himself to Laurent to say that he's not going to let Laurent get away. His time as a slave was an awful low point, but at the same time it's what brought him to Laurent, and now it binds them together.

Damen doesn't just SEE the true Laurent, he isn't just "the different one" who is just LIKE that, and he certainly doesn't begin as a paragon of goodness that Laurent needs to learn to be more like. Damen himself changes as he opens himself up to Laurent as well and begins to find something worth more than all he had known before. Damen proves himself over and over through his actions, tolerating even the worst parts of Laurent, wanting to see past the betrayals and his cold attitude and his sharp tongue and actually get to know Laurent as he is. He knows there's a kind, scared, broken man hidden behind so many walls that Laurent can NEVER truly drop; he can never REALLY open up and go back to the happy child he once was. And that's okay. He wants to eliminate all the threats that Laurent needs those walls for, and that means being strong enough for the both of them.

In the end, Damen ends up wanting to see Laurent free to choose how he lives his life and even CHOOSE to be happy about it. He wants Laurent to know he's worthy of it, that Damen can help him find it. He doesn't just want to do everything FOR Laurent; he wants Laurent to finally see that he's strong enough to win even if it means he needs help. Damen, meanwhile, learns about the nuances of people like Laurent and how to value the lives of those suffering, to find a way to use his power to make things better. Both of them are what the other needed to become the better versions of themselves, and isn't that just the best romance you can get?

I think Laurent is such an appealing character because he is so emblematic of those people who are broken but still want to be worthy of love. 

Laurent, to me, is a variation on a type of person I’m familiar with. The clever, gifted, introverted child who struggles socially, weighed down by a big brain and oddly adult preoccupations. The one who becomes fractured through trauma, ends up hiding behind a pointed, cold, even cruel, demeanour as self-protection. I bet most of us know that person (some of us might even be that person). It’s not a good persona to have felt forced to adopt. But beautiful, barbed-tongued Laurent makes it seem more palatable than it is.

Truth is, he’s in a bad place before Damen. Laurent is that person who holds everyone at arms length, mistrustful of being hurt and abandoned, but somehow still forges ahead on a path towards some goal they’re determined to win as it gives them purpose, even when they can’t even really envision a future for themselves (where will they be in ten years time? Who will they be? They have no answer). The one who finds romantic relationships so agonising, they often choose to absent themselves from them, because they come hand in hand with unbearable vulnerability, and who don’t know how to feel sexual desire without the past intruding, and without feeling like they’re giving something up or losing somehow, who suspect they might be permanently ruined.

Laurent’s mind is like a steel trap, and it makes it easy to look down on others (not something others find particularly likeable). Is the type who can separate out the deep moral integrity that forms the bedrock of who they are, from the more flimsy, politer, social kind of morality which they tossed out the window in the name of survival (hard to make friends when you do that). The kind of person who is haunted by shame and filled with secret self-loathing, who uses humour to cope, and feels stuck in a state of arrested development even though they had to grow up too fast. The sort who can lose their temper so badly they cross lines no-one else can, but will die for the people they love. Who can seem flippant and facetious yet exhausting in their intensity.

And then good, honourable, warm-hearted Damen comes along and sees him.

This Normal Boy (who is really an Exceptional Boy), clothed in the body of his enemy. This towering stereotype of attractive athleticism, this strong warrior prince, well-loved, well-liked, who should be stupid and selfish, a repellent, violent aggressor, but is instead an intellectual equal, honourable and caring and kind. Who makes sex an act of love, of giving and taking in equal measure, makes it slow and tender and meaningful and pleasurable, adjusting exactly to how Laurent likes it, makes it no longer something to fear. 

Damen who guides Laurent back to his own heart, is the light to his dark, and softens those lethal edges. Who laughs with him, matching bon mot for bon mot. Who loves Laurent, for all his faults, who sees him at his very, very worst, all that ugly, vicious darkness laid bare, and still gives him his heart, and will never abandon him. Who heals him.

The books are the ultimate broken person’s fantasy, honestly. That if we see a glimmer of ourselves in Laurent, then maybe a Damen is out there who could show us how it could be.

[hanaaamaryam]

Life is weird

Its 1:45am, I’m scrolling through my archive stories on my public account till the top and damn, i used to be so full of life, so happy, so positive. I radiated sunshine and i loved to laugh, alot. Those times where i felt like I wasn’t happy showed differently. I did looked happy, but its 4 years later, I forgot how it felt during. Its a crazy feeling you know realizing how life really does take all that energy in you. All that glow. I mean, i am still growing, still trying to become a better person each day, but watching those memories made me thought that the only difference now is that, i used to not care what people thought of me, i was just living life. It felt easy to just be me. But i care alot now. In fact, i’m so the opposite, i keep my private life and my selves only to myself. Or to some close friends. I’m so quiet now. And i think alot nowadays. On darker days, i just distant myself from everything and would rather be alone.

Watching those memories made me think, gosh, how in-love i used to be. How that type of love made me fearless but at the same time broke me down so low, that I literally had lost myself. I was young and naive. That love felt so new and foreign. I’ve never received that type of love from a person before. So very passionate. The type that made me have countless of fights with the people that loved me dearly, my friends and family. My willingness to go against anyone that dared to say otherwise. I was so crazy inlove. That type of love was like a drug, its addictive. But it broke me so bad that it changed the way i look on life. That type of deep pain, literally felt like my world collapsed. I stopped eating, i stopped laughing i just stopped being myself. It’s crazy cause i can still remember that pain so vividly. And i don’t ever wanna feel that way. Ever. It was an extremely hard cycle to break. It was just a trauma bond. Abusive relationships does that to you. Whatever you felt for that person was just an illusion. A notion that was altered. None of that existed. It was just me in my head. I made all that feelings up. Deep down, i just wanted to be loved.

But look where i am now. I have made peace with the fact that you can’t force someone to change or to love you the way you wanted them to. You can’t force love. And yeah it was a long long time ago. I have no ill-feelings anymore. I don’t really.. care anymore. What a life i used to live. I didn’t know any better. I forgive myself for not knowing any better.

Well gonna finish my work now,

Toodles!

[avisheena]

Let’s Cut the Bullying Loop

As a passionate young woman advocating for world issues, including human rights and world peace, I am determined to make a positive impact. Having personally experienced bullying at the age of nine, I am deeply concerned about the harmful effects of aggressive behavior on individuals everywhere. This inspired me to create the "Cut the Bullying Loop" project, aiming to prevent and break the cycle of bullying through social media. With unwavering determination, I aim to reach a vast global audience through my powerful writing, sharing thoughts, personal experiences, and insightful recommendations on bullying prevention. My vision is a world where kindness prevails, and every individual feels valued, respected, and safe in their uniqueness. I strive to shatter the pervasive cycle of bullying with the unyielding force of empathy and unity.

According to reliable sources, we must first understand what bullying is, the different types of bullying, and how it affects our daily lives. Then I’m going to share with you my tips on how to deal with bullying.

Referring to Wikipedia, Bullying is the use of force, coercion, hurtful teasing or threat, to abuse, aggressively dominate, or intimidate another person. The action is frequently repeated and habitual. Bullying is a subcategory of aggressive behavior characterized by the following three criteria: (1) hostile intent, (2) imbalance of power; and (3) repetition over a period of time. Bullying is defined as repeated, aggressive behavior intended to harm another person physically, mentally, or emotionally. Bullying can be classified into several types, including physical bullying, verbal bullying, cyberbullying, sexual bullying, relational bullying, and prejudicial bullying (Vinney, 2021). All of the above categories can have a detrimental effect on a victim's physical and mental health. According to mentalhelp.net, there are some risks that bullying victims may experience. In the short term, it causes anger, depression, and anxiety, which leads to an inability to develop and recognize one's own potential and a sense of worthlessness. Long-term effects include avoidance of new social situations, hypersensitivity, a desire for vengeance, difficulty trusting people, self-esteem issues, and an increased incidence of continued bullying.

Speaking of bullying, I've been in that situation before, where I was harassed and insulted by others. I know how it feels, and it has left an imprint on my heart and memory. I won’t let it happen to anyone else. It pains me greatly to know that people have been treated in the same way as me, or even worse. When will it end? Reporting or asking for help doesn't mean you are weak. I'm sure most people would agree with that. The problem is that some victims are afraid to talk about it, to tell people they trust. It’s a serious issue that requires the attention of those who are familiar with the situation. I understand why they keep quiet, because I was one of those people who did nothing to help themselves. I knew I was in danger, but I was too afraid to tell my family what was going on. I didn't want to burden them or make them spend too much time worrying. I considered the possible outcomes or consequences of telling the truth, and I was hesitated to seek help...but I was mistaken. I'm not that strong; I need help. Then I told my mom about what had happened, and she gave me her support. I realized I needed to stand up for myself at that point. I made that moment my life lesson. I successfully turned it into motivation to keep going and be consistent by being myself, doing more good things, and growing every day. I'm attempting to find the positive in the midst of this horrible situation. Most importantly, I refuse to be like those who mistreated me.

So, how do we deal with it? Here are some tips from me to consider based on my own experience:

Self-awareness. Recognize the signs of bullying and how it affects you emotionally and physically. By being attentive to the signs of bullying, you empower yourself to respond effectively. 

Empowering ourselves. Focus on building self-confidence and resilience. With persistence, you can develop a strong foundation to face the challenges of bullying and other adversities in life.

Setting boundaries. Firmly tell the bully to stop their behavior, explain that what they are doing has no effect on you and will only cause them grief and sorrow if they continue. Establishing boundaries may deter further harassment, and by taking this step, you are showing your generosity. Make a favorable impression on the bullies.

Ignoring the bully. If it’s not physically threatening, ignore the bully’s behavior and not react emotionally. Bullies often seek a reaction, and not giving them one may deter their actions. They want to take away your power, make you fearful, and make you feel low. Do not, ever, let them take away your power!

Seeking Help. If you feel threatened and believe you are in serious danger but are unable to deal with it on your own, seeking help is an excellent option. It can be scary to discuss it with people we trust because we fear they will see us as weak. However, this is not the case; people will listen and support you. Seeking help not only assists us but also makes us feel safe. You should tell a trusted adult the truth right away; do not wait for the right time!

Build a support network. Surround yourself with supportive and understanding individuals who can uplift and encourage you during difficult times.

Remain positive and educate others. Raise awareness about bullying and its impact. Encourage discussions and educational initiatives to foster a respectful and inclusive environment.

It is important to be firm with yourself as well as with bullies. Being firm with them does not imply allowing them to engage in bad behavior; rather, it means caring for others while also remembering that you need to take care of yourself. You are not alone; there will be someone to help you. There are numerous ways to encourage yourself to talk about it and seek help.

To sum it up, I want you to be fearless. Be willing to talk about what happened to you and tell someone you trust. Be fully cognizant of your surroundings and maintain respect for everyone, even the bullies. Remember, we don't know what they might be going through in life that led them choose harmful actions. In other words, never stoop to their level. Instead, strive to be a better person and rise above negativity. Show kindness and understanding, and work towards a world there compassion and empathy prevail. The information presented here is intended to be useful for those who read it.

I am an anti-bullying and anti-violence fighter; I hope we can work together towards eradicating such heinous behaviors.

[lynkhart]

MAJOR spoilers for the C2 finale of Critical Role so read at your own risk of you haven’t caught up!

I have so many feelings regarding Caleb and Essek’s intertwining character arcs I needed to explore, so strap in folks, you’re in for a bit of a ride! (But seriously though, this is like 4000 words long, I basically wrote an essay 😂)

At the start of the campaign, Caleb Widogast was dripping in guilt and self loathing and refused to believe he could ever absolve himself of his sins. Essek Thelyss was a cold, aloof individual who betrayed his people for selfish goals, and their differing yet mirrored narratives have been an absolute delight to watch unfold.

In the beginning Caleb truly hated himself. He shot down any attempt at a compliment, described himself as a ‘disgusting person’, outright rejected the idea that he was worthy of love, and never let the blame shift from him for what he’d done. When Beauregard and Veth/Nott pointed out that he was coerced and manipulated into killing his parents, he reacts in an incredibly visceral way, and I’ve seen several comments likening it to a victim of child abuse who was groomed into believing they were as responsible as their abuser, and I think that’s exactly how it was meant to be read. He doesn’t see himself as a victim, only a murderer, and punishes himself for it every day. We see this in the way he presents himself, dirty and unkempt because in his mind he doesn’t deserve to feel good about himself in any way. Other than Nott/Veth and Beau to a certain degree, he purposefully isolates himself from the rest of the group and it’s a long time until he feels relaxed enough in their company to drop his defences a little.

(Speaking from a purely meta point of view, Liam did an absolutely phenomenal job of showing this through body language and I’d love to see someone do a compilation video of it. He starts off very hunched and guarded, leaning his body away from the closest person to him and avoiding eye contact and physical touch; but by the end stands tall and sure of himself.)

Early on there were a few moments where he had the option to do some pretty dark shit, and I’m sure there’s a possible timeline where he gave into his desire for revenge and really lost his way, but I’m glad he stuck it out and worked through his trauma in the way he did. His PTSD and disassociation when casting with fire was tragic, but over time he was able to work through it thanks to the constant love and support of his friends who kept him from going off at the deep end.

Molly’s death was the catalyst for change in a lot of the party, and Caleb is no exception. On the verge of leaving the group prior to his death, the grief they shared, combined with their frantic attempt to rescue the other half of their party put things in perspective and gradually he learned how to be a person again, to care.

Altering time to save his family had been Caleb’s only goal in life, and so when Essek and by extension, dunamancy was introduced, you could see his eyes light up at the possibilities.

A huge turning point for him is aligned so closely with Essek’s redemption arc which feels quite apt I think. When Essek confesses to his crimes, Caleb delivers a beautifully iconic piece of dialogue where he acknowledges their similarities and how much he himself has changed as a person since meeting the Mighty Nein. (Source - CR wiki)

‘You listen to me. I know what you are talking about. I know. And the difference between you and I is thinner than a razor. I know what it means to have other people complicate your desires and wishes. And I was like you. Was. I know what a fool I have been for years. You didn't account for us. Good. That is life. Shit hits you sideways in life and no one is prepared. No one is ready. These people changed me. These people can change you. You were not born with venom in your veins. You learned it. You learned it. You have a rare opportunity here, Thelyss. One chance to save yourself, and we are offering it.’

This is not the same Caleb we met back in the Nestled Nook inn way back in the first episode. While not yet fulfilled or entirely convinced of his own worth, he knows he’s on the right path. That alone is progress enough, but that he uses his own experiences to help another escape those same chains of guilt says such a lot for his development. When he tells Essek that his ‘venom’ was learned, he’s also talking about himself and his own history of being manipulated and gaslit, with the implication being that it can be un-learned just as efficiently.

Caleb Widogast is selfish no more, or at the very least, doesn’t let his goals undermine anyone else’s anymore. Contrary to what he himself might still think, he is in no way a bad person. He loves fiercely and cannot abide seeing those he cares about in pain.

Early game Essek is what Caleb could have been if he’d rejected his friends and focused solely on his own selfish goal to undo his mistakes. Both are impassive at first and see the Mighty Nein as means to an end...until they get to know them and then their fate is sealed. The Power of Friendship wins once again!

At the beginning Caleb said he wanted to ‘bend reality to my will’ (sic) and in the end he does just that, though not in the way he originally intended. Destroying the T-Dock, and by extension the one thing he’d been building towards from the start, the chance to go back and change time, for me personally was the absolute peak of his journey. I rewatched the scene where Caleb revealed the truth about his parents death today, and it was really jarring to see just how far he’d come since then. It made me oddly proud actually.

I always felt like his plan to save his parents was the one thing holding him back from truly accepting their deaths, which is why the final scene of him in the cemetery with the letters for them hit so hard. He never truly gave up hope that they’d be reunited, but ultimately he realised he was merely postponing the inevitable and never allowing himself to live his own life. While time travel shenanigans would have been incredibly interesting to explore in game, choosing to let the past lie and not go back for them finally allows him to grieve and move on, and perhaps most importantly of all, to forgive himself at last.

I know some people were annoyed by Caleb’s decision in the finale to spend the rest of his life teaching rather than continuing to adventure, but I see it as the natural conclusion to his whole arc and his own personal victory.

He looked Trent Ikithon in the eyes, a man who he’d spent years wanting to kill and run from in equal measure, stripped him of his power and his voice (and ultimately his ability to harm anyone else) and finally spared his life so he had to live with the indignity of his defeat for the rest of his miserable existence. You couldn’t have asked for a more damning rejection of everything he’d been brainwashed into believing as a child. His dismissal of Trent’s position in the Assembly played into that as well. He never really wanted power for the sake of it; he had no desire for politics, he just wanted his family back, and while he didn’t get the one he started with, he made a new one for himself in the end.

As Caduceus once very wisely said:

‘Pain doesn’t make people; it's love that makes people. The pain is inconsequential; it's love that saves them.’

Caleb gets to break the cycle of abuse and teach a new generation of mages the way he should have been, with kindness and respect, and I’m pretty sure he’d have introduced a handsome drow as a guest lecturer from time to time. 😉

Speaking of...

Essek described himself as selfish and as a coward, forever putting his own wants and desires first, yet over the course of his journey with the Nein we see his priorities change drastically.

Having friends gives him people to care about, something he’s never had before, and it changes his outlook on life completely. For me, the first time we really see this is when he joins them for dinner in the Xorhaus and stops levitating. It’s a subtle thing, but meaningful. He explains that it had become an expectation of him, a quirk he’s known for, and so to feel comfortable enough around the Nein to drop that pretence is quite bold I think.

Much later, when he chooses to destroy the mini beacon they discover in Aeor in order to give everyone a long rest before the final confrontation with Lucian, he’s essentially giving up everything he betrayed his people for, just to keep his friends safe. The existence and context of that single artefact could have had an earthshattering impact on the Dynasty’s entire culture, forcing them to reevaluate their entire belief system and attitude to the Luxon, something he’d wanted from the start, something he helped start a war for, but he offered it up as a sacrifice without a second thought.

I’d say that’s a pretty big morality shift, and I’m super interested to see if Matt reveals if his alignment changed in the post campaign Q&A. I have a feeling he set him up as a potential BBEG but the party was like ‘no, you can’t have him, he’s ours now’ and that was the end of that. 😂

I think it says so much about the other characters too, that they befriended this person they barely knew, and when he was revealed to have done such terrible things, their first reaction was to give him comfort and an opportunity to atone. Jester held his hand while he confessed, and afterwards, while they didn’t immediately forgive him, they saw the good in him and wanted him to be better, which ultimately feels like what the entire campaign was about, leaving places (and people) better than they found them. It’s obvious that he’s never really had many friends before and has therefore never had the opportunity to be emotionally open with anyone, so seeing him gradually warm up to the Nein and allow himself to soften around them was really lovely to watch.

(Obviously, from a realistic moral perspective, he still fucked up big time. He’s still a godsdamned war criminal and really should have been put on trial for what he did, but I think from a narrative and personal point of view, his redemption arc was far more satisfying, so I’m glad it happened the way it did. (And not to derail but the rest of the gang have done some pretty horrific stuff as well, though perhaps not quite on the same scale)

He has a few moments towards the end that I absolutely love because they show that beneath the guilt and anguish, there’s an incredibly sweet and sensitive soul in there, just wanting acceptance. His dry jokes which often don’t quite hit, (the ‘I will punish the bakery’ line is such an under-appreciated one 😂) his simple joy at learning to garden in the Blooming Grove, and realising that he’d never been asked what his favourite food was before was actually kind of heartbreaking, because it highlighted how lonely his life must have been until that time. There was a moment pretty early on I think when he cast disguise on the party and Jester asked if he could cast it again to change the look of her outfit a bit and while he seemed to find it amusing, he refused, not wanting to waste a spell on such a frivolous request. Cut to their time in Aeor where he burns a fly spell just so he and Caleb can flirtatiously swoop around each other for a couple of minutes, all the while trying to beat Lucian to the city.

His breakdown when Molly’s resurrection failed really cemented to me how much he’d grown as a character. He never met Molly, his only knowledge of him was secondhand, through the eyes of his friends, but seeing it fail just broke him because he knew how much it hurt them to go through it all over again.

His comment to Caleb about not admitting defeat and wishing he could do more did get me wondering at the time if he was going to try and do something crazy, perhaps sacrificing himself via the Temporal Dock to make amends or somehow forcing another reroll, but I’m glad he didn’t. The conversation following that with Fjord was one of my favourites- he shows him acceptance and belief in his potential for the future, something he’s lacked for a long time, and when Caleb bluntly affirms afterwards that he is indeed an official member of the Mighty Nein, it’s the start of the rest of his life, and something he’s exceptionally grateful for.

It all leads to that final moment in Aeor with Caleb, when, presented with the opportunity to alter time and undo everything, he chooses to accept his decisions and carry the weight of his sins for the rest of his long life. That’s...huge.

He’s essentially choosing to live the rest of his existence as a fugitive, forever on the run, with no guaranteed peace or safety. He chooses to spend his life making up for his deeds, rather than looking for an easy way out.

I think that may have had a big impact on why Caleb ultimately made the same decision, as if Essek had been up for altering his timeline I think he’d have struggled to resist it himself. The conversation they had earlier in Aeor about their priorities and resisting temptation really comes to mind as well.

Now, to the relationship.

It was subtle, and not as ‘in your face’ obvious as the other characters, but I’ve been watching and hoping for a long time and I must say, it feels good to be vindicated.

(And if you have any doubt, both Matt and Liam confirmed on Twitter that their post finale relationship was 100% romantic)

I’d been hoping that Shadowgast would be a canon endgame relationship for a while, so the finale, and the aforementioned T-Dock scene in particular had me quite literally shaking with emotion as I watched live. Here you have two men, both damaged and guilt-stricken in their own ways, who find in each other a kindred spirit and a path to redemption.

They’re both very guarded and closed off people, but Essek in particular has a definite shift in the last arc of the campaign especially when it came to his interactions with Caleb. At the start he was quite aloof and stoic, though charming, and they had an instant connection through their shared love of the arcane, (anyone who couldn’t see them making heart eyes at each other when Essek was describing the different types of magic he could teach Caleb was clearly blind) but by the end he was incredibly open to showing his vulnerabilities and that takes a lot, especially for someone whose primary focus was to stay in control of every aspect of his life. The ‘Caleb, I’m scared’ moment during the Trent fight in particular made my heart ache.

No, we didn’t get a dramatic declaration of love or a cinematic mid-battle kiss, but I’d argue that their relationship was just as, if not more intimate than any of the other main characters were. They understood each other in a way the others didn’t, their shared guilt, feelings of inadequacy and their obsession with magic forged a deep connection from the get-go. Neither of them are big fans of PDA I think, though Caleb is tactile as hell (forehead touches and kisses, oh man, I’m so weak for those 😩👌) and some of their most iconic moments have them putting themselves in harm’s way to protect the other. Essek shaking off his forced guilt trip immediately after the now infamous forehead touch in ep140 was beautifully poetic, as was using his fortune’s favour to pull Caleb out of the rubble moments before. Caleb trying to include him in his Sphere of Invulnerability in the finale and Essek staying close to him the whole fight despite being obviously terrified of Trent was the icing on the cake. It’s clear that they care for each other a great deal; whether by the finale they’d consider it love is up for debate, but we know that’s eventually where it ended up and honestly, I love that. I deeply appreciated the fact Matt and Liam both emphasised that they took their time with their relationship, letting each other heal in their own way before they took the next step. All too often in media, and real life too sadly, a romantic relationship is seen as some kind of quick fix, and that a lover will somehow complete you or make all your problems vanish. They knew this wasn’t the case here, and that made it all the better.

While I would have *loved* to have seen them together as a couple right to the very end, the change in their relationship felt right, if bittersweet. I doubt they ever stopped loving each other, and if anything, choosing to shift to a deep and lifelong friendship over a romance that would cause them both so much pain is one of the kindest things you could do for someone you love. After all, friendship isn’t a downgrade, just another way of experiencing that same love, and it wasn’t as though they broke up and never saw each other again, it was pretty strongly implied that they remained a major feature in each other’s lives, they just changed their label slightly. Caleb would hate to have forced Essek to watch him wither away, and although his eventual passing would hurt Essek regardless, incompatible lifespans being what they are, having a period of time to adjust to it, to give them a buffer between the inevitable heartbreak was actually really sweet.

Their romance was no accident, they knew going in that it had a time limit, that it wasn’t going to be forever for one of them, and the fact they did it anyway says so much. They began their adventure wholeheartedly believing that they were both, in their own way incapable of love, only to later find it with each other. Whether their relationship lasted for a couple of years or multiple decades is irrelevant, what matters is that while it did they had a happy and fulfilled life together.

I know some folk wanted Caleb to use the transmogrification spell on himself so he could live on with Essek as another elf, or make him human instead, but that would have been way out of character for both I think. If they could have backwards engineered one of the rejuvenation stations in Aeor and used it to extend Caleb’s life by a hundred years or so, so he’d have a similar lifespan to Veth, now, I could have seen him possibly doing that, so he could spend more time with his best friend too, but nothing further I think. He longed to be reunited with his parents too much to postpone death unnaturally like that.

That both Caleb and Essek ultimately chose to live with their mistakes and make peace with themselves was incredibly cathartic, and I couldn’t imagine it playing out any better.

The fact Matt has explicitly stated Essek is Demi too means so much to me personally because the latter is a label I’ve been identifying with a lot recently, and it’s so rare for aspec relationships to get any representation! It has honestly given me a lot to think about over the last few days, and I really appreciate it.

To conclude, here’s a bit of shameless self promotion. I wrote this after watching the finale and honestly feel like it sums up my feelings on the nature of their relationship pretty well.

‘A casual hand on a shoulder, a waist, a wrist; a gentle kiss placed on a forehead is common between them now, an intimacy born of trust and mutual affection. Over time it grows, like a fire born of seasoned timber; gradual and steady, no spluttering kindling that flares and sparks, but a slow burn, one which lasts.

Their love is embroidered into every aspect of their lives together. Acts of service, of comfort, of understanding.

Sometimes a kiss leads to more than a kiss, sometimes it doesn’t. Either way they are content.‘

So yeah, I love these two wizard boys so very much and I couldn’t be happier with the conclusion of their stories. ❤️

[thisisarcanereverie]

Should’ve Known Chapter 7

DISCLAIMER: I don’t own Wanda or Steve they are owned by Marvel, I don’t own the gif either I just got it from Pinterest,

WARNINGS:Angst, Swearing, the stages of grief, loss, dark themes, 18 + from here on out. Also mentions of potential abortions.

WORDS : 2,329

SUMMARY: You are detained and questioned by S.W.O.R.D. Wanda reality is breaking and Vision is acting differently than she remembers.  

In case you missed last chapter

series masterlist 

ULTIMATE MASTERLIST 

You stared at the plain and depressing wall in front of you. If anyone saw you they would say you were staring into dead space but that wasn’t true. 

Your thoughts were consumed of Wanda and the baby. 

You didn’t plan on giving up on Wanda, she had woken up, it wasn’t long until her reality came crashing down on her and you needed to be there for her. You needed to help her with the pieces that were going to be left behind. 

Your hand rested on top of your stomach, gently brushing a thumb over the shirt. You didn’t know what the doctors did to you while you were unconscious, but you were certain that eventually they would find out if they hadn’t already. You still had mixed feelings about this pregnancy. You knew deep down it was likely the only time you will be pregnant and you can’t lie, already you felt a connection with the child even though at this point they were only a little clump of cells. 

This kid would be special, you felt it oddly enough. You immediately wanted to apologize even though it couldn’t hear you. You wanted to apologize for the life that they might have to live if that were the case. 

You remembered all the somber nights at the Avengers Tower and Compound. All the nights Steve told you he sort of missed being that boy from Brooklyn who always picked a fight he couldn’t win. He told you if he had known what would happen when he accepted the role of Captain America. He probably still would have done it, but still live on to regret it. 

Wanda had told you that she could never truly let go, she can never fully release all the emotions she kept bottled up. That people got hurt. That if she could go back and never sign up for HYDRA’s experiments, she would.

None of them wanted the life that they were forced into. Yeah some of them had volunteered like Wanda and Steve, but they didn’t fully realize the consequences of such actions then. 

Nat and Bucky never wanted this life, never signed on for it. 

Your child would be forced to the same fate if you allowed the pregnancy. 

You considered aborting the fetus, maybe it was better for it to never live than be born into this world. 

Were you even ready to be a mom? You had money saved up but that was for rent and the last of Steve’s avenging money that he had left behind. 

Steve. 

The kid would never know their father. Steve would always be that blank figure to them. That blank figure would be filled with so many questions and doubts. Everything but him. 

You didn’t want your kid to look at that blank spot and only think of what might have been or hate. You didn’t want them to think their dad left them because they didn’t love them. 

You thought back to the chair splintering under your hand when you remembered the pregnancy. 

You could easily hurt them and the thought alone terrified you. 

There were so many reasons on why you shouldn’t keep it, how maybe it was better this way. 

On the other hand you wanted to keep it. 

You wanted to be a mom. Or at least give it a shot, at least for this kid. Maybe you would break the cycle of abuse that either your parents or grandparents started. 

There was no maybe about it. 

You would. 

You had to. 

Rationally you knew you wouldn’t be a perfect mom and the kid wouldn’t have that perfect life you always wanted, but that didn’t matter. This kid would have their own life to live, their own adventures, their own highs and falls. This kid would have something that you didn’t receive and that alone would make all the difference. 

They’ll have their mother.

-

-

-

Wanda didn’t know when all of this started. The endless pit of nothingness consumed her and that was it. She remembers everything thus far, the black and white changing into colors. You support her through it all just as you did before. 

She wished she didn’t have to send you away but she had no other choice. You brought her back, made her remember that none of this was real. 

Wanda made a different version of you, it was simple enough, it was a simple illusion. You were there, but not there. 

This version of you was happy all the time, was her closest confidant, all the things she wanted you to be. Like how you used to be before Steve had left. 

Steve did a number on you just like Vision did with her. Steve left you in a different manner than Vision left her but the emotional toll it took was very much the same. 

Steve left you on his own terms, he was selfish and left everyone who was counting on him to return. For that Wanda would never trust Steve, real or not real, again. 

Vision didn’t have a choice, Thanos had taken that choice away from him. 

Wanda could feel her blood begin to boil at the thought of Thanos, wishing that she could have finished what she had started on that battlefield then. 

Avenging Vision. 

Wanda recalls the nightmares she had when she came back, the image of Vision's eyes turning milky white and the stone being ripped from his head and the way his head caved in. You would always hold her, you would always assure her that you were fine and that she hadn’t hurt you during the nightmares. She knew you lied but the thought that you cared enough that you didn’t mind her or getting hurt in the process helped a lot more than you would ever know. 

After the funeral Wanda didn’t know she was going to bring you back to her apartment. She didn’t know how more precious you would become to her after living with her. Wanda came to depend on you a lot more than she intended. At first she wanted to be kind, she knew the pain you were going through and didn’t want you to be alone. You didn’t deserve to be alone. 

Then you began to heal together, you sat with her while she was on the other end of the phone lines waiting for answers and filling out paperwork she needed to sign to legally locate Vision. You hugged her during her nightmares, even though her powers had more than once flown something dangerously close to your head. 

Wanda had held your hand when she helped you move out of the apartment you and Steve shared. She was simply there when you needed her to be. 

Wanda grew curious easily, after the first few nights she was tempted to look into your mind. She had mastered the art of doing it without anyone knowing. However, she wanted you to tell her, she promised herself to never use her powers on your mind. 

Now she had broken that promise and made you play your part in this reality, the best friend. Wanda didn’t read your mind but she had played with it. She had played with something so fragile and even when you woke up from her illusions you didn’t care about that. You had only cared about comforting her, about bringing her back from the waves. 

Wanda had no idea what she could possibly have done to deserve someone as loyal as you were in her life. 

But now she’s sent you away, like she did with Garladine. 

She walked into her home that she shared with Vision, her heart filled with something so bitter and so sweet when she looked at him. Like she was seeing the sun after a whole week of only rain and snow but knowing tomorrow there would only be more rain and snow. 

Vision turned around upon hearing the door close, Wanda was expecting to see him with that light and lovely look in his eyes just as he’s always done. She nearly stopped in her tracks when she saw instead nervousness and caution. He didn’t look at her the way Vision had always looked at her, or hell even how you looked at her. 

He looked at her the way that everyone else has looked at her before. 

Like she was going to hurt him. 

“Vision,” she called her voice as sweet as honey, “is everything alright.” Her husband flinched back when she tried to reach for him as though her touch had become poisonous. 

“I spoke to Norm,” He said his arms were crossed over his chest. His face contorted into a neutral state. Wanda felt unsettled, she felt him become reserved. 

“Oh?” she said not knowing what about talking to Norm would make him act this way. 

“I unearthed the man’s suppressed personality and I spoke to him free of your oversight.” 

-

-

-

“Hello Miss. (L/n),” You didn’t bother looking away from the wall, already whoever came in here was on your nerves. 

‘Miss. (L/n) we need you to answer some questions about the Hex.” You looked over and saw a man with the most punchable face you’ve ever laid eyes on. His tone may be nice but you met enough men like him to know how to spot them a mile away. 

“Only if you answer a few of my own.” You retort, you saw how the man stiffened. 

“I don’t think you're in a position to be demanding anything Miss. (L/n)” 

“You wouldn’t have come to ask me anything personally if you didn’t need to. Unless there was something that I may or may not know that could benefit you and even then you wouldn’t have come yourself, men like you have people get the answers for you, no you would only come yourself if it was something vital. Something that no one else on this base knows about.” You cock your head to the side and smile, feeling empowered as you see his hands tighten into a fit at his side. You apparently hit the nail right on the head. 

“So I feel like an exchange is in order,” You say standing up from your sitting position. The guards on either side of the man raised their guns at you. The man told them to stand down. 

“I answer 5 of your questions and you answer 6 of mine.” You held out your hand. 

“Miss. (L/n) why do you get to have more answers than I do?”

“Simple, you want something from me and me alone. I can ask any other agents around here my questions and not make a deal with you at all.” 

His hands flex and ball themselves back into fists and his jaw clenched in anger. You really were getting on his nerves. 

“I agree,” he reaches for your hand and shakes briefly. 

“I’ll go first,” he says. 

“How long were you in the Hex?”

“I’m not too sure of that but it’s safe to assume that I was there since it happened.” you responded, memories of the Hex were confusing and the memories of that day were blacked out almost completely. 

“My turn,” you say. 

“Who are you?” 

“I’m Director Tyler Hayward of S.W.O.R.D.” 

“My turn,” he says in a slight mocking tone.

“How did Wanda create the Hex?”

“Wanda’s powers are tied to her emotions; it's probably connected to that” You state. “What is S.W.O.R.D.” 

“Sentient Worlds Observation and Response Department.” He responds. 

“Someone really wanted your divisions to be named Sword and Shield really badly didn’t they.” 

“Yes,” he said, “How long were you aware of the Hex while in it?”

“I was subconsciously aware the entire time, although I wasn’t completely aware until the Hex was in color and a hag gave me a notebook.”

His expression was puzzled but he dismissed it. 

“What did my lab results come back with?” 

“Why do you think we took blood from you while you were unconscious?”

“You're a powerful man who set up a meeting with me in secret to ask me a question you don’t want anyone else hearing. It’s not beyond you to secretly steal some blood to run secret tests on it.” 

“Touche,” he admitted, “however badly I would want that Agent Rambeau interrupted me before I could give the order.” 

Finally he reached the last question, the question he wanted to ask all along. 

“How did Wanda reboot the Vision?” 

Vision, he was after Vision. Somehow this made you uneasy, why would he care how Vision for rebooted unless...

“You have Visions body don’t you.” It wasn’t a question, his body gave him away. For a man who was running a semi secret organization he wasn’t that good at hiding his body language. 

“I believe you didn’t answer my question Miss. (L/n), “ he pointed out, “I guess that means one less answer for you.”

You rolled your eyes, you would let him have that. 

“I don’t know how she rebooted Vision, much less without a body, I don’t remember much of the day it happened.” His eyes hardened, upset that he had hit another dead end he went to leave. 

“I still have one more question Haybitch!” You called out, his feet stilled and he turned to you, eyes wide and offended at the nickname. 

“What are you planning on doing to Wanda?” That was the question you wanted to ask. His eyes crinkled as he gave you a sarcastic smile. 

“I don’t know,” he said, “I don’t remember much of that meeting when it happened.”

He then left you to wallow in your own thoughts. 

You knew he had a secret he didn’t want anyone else finding out. 

You knew Wanda knew it. 

You knew he wasn’t going to let her talk. 

You knew whatever his plan was involved her not being able to speak again.

[felikatze]

The message for LC & LOR: capitalism is bad

i mean YEAH the games are very anti capitalist. that post was more abt like the A's arc tbh,,, (<- has massive A brainworms) each sephirah does have their own central theme and moral and just Looking at the City is blatant satire

having energy be harvested directly from human suffering is not that subtle lmao.

murdering others to get by as the elite enjoy a comfortable live ignorant of almost all suffering <3 almost every single person so broken by the system that they are so hopeless, so devoid of dreams, it's referred to as a "disease of the mind" <3 massive corporations controlling almost every aspect of life and deliberatly ignoring and even utilizing the most Unethical business practices known to man for profit <3 yeah.

guess i should've been more specific i just love how much lor dunks on A. He is a vry tragic character whom i think entirely too much about because he is both the driving force behind the plot and a total non-entity as a player insert.

the rest of this got fuckin. long. sorry not sorry i had these thoughts locked and loaded for weeks

i just think it's funny that most stuff you could read out of the final "core suppression" where A gets visited by the three ghosts of christmas manifestations of his issues gets annuled a bit by Angela trying to prove him and his methods as wrong as possible.

esp if you read lc and lor together, with one of lor's main themes being breaking the cycle of abuse and suffering.. A's actions end up being a continuation of said cycle, started by Carmen's death. (talked abt in my A/Angela parallels post lmao)

specifically an aspect i mentioned in my tags is that by the end of lc he is completely and utterly alone. the only characters present in the final stretch are literally just himself. most of lc is ultimately about A confronting his mistakes, embodied by the sephirah being mechanical versions of the people he let die, and trying to move on and do anything worthwhile even though he passed the point of no return a long long time ago.

ultimately, he has no one to validate his pursuit of the light except himself. the sephirah are in an interesting position narratively, because they are without a doubt fleshed out characters. i'm not saying they're not. i just think personally that it does carry narrative weight how they effectively become irrelevant once their core suppression is cleared. Because those are the moments we get to see A's many many many horrible mistakes, and the sephirah moving on ultimately means A moves on from that particular aspect too.

afterward, the sephirah do not appear in-game outside telling you an employee died or something, and those are turned off during the final stretch, too, further enhancing the vibe of total loneliness.

lc by itself can be interpreted in many different ways, but lor comes around and tells us what happened in lc was fucked up.

different characters with different attitudes toward it are present, yeah, but for the most part we follow angela and it becomes apparent that the events leading up to and including lc hurt the characters a lot. Much of lor is just healing from that. And through this framing of lc as seen by the characters, who we are reminded were there, experienced those things, are not mere ghosts, it becomes so much more complicated to form a takeaway from it, just from how much it again plays into lor's themes of healing and moving on when lc is about repeating mistakes.

"man that was kinda fucked up isn't it" is also a 100% valid takeaway to any piece of media tho lmao.

anyway. you probably did not ask for rambling about A but you sure did get it.

[fadedneonzzz]

What (Most) Cinder fans want out of a Potential redemption

Now I obviously can’t speak for ALL Cinder fans, but based on my opinions and the ones I have talked to, there seems to be a lot of confusion among RWBY fans who don’t understand what I and many other Cinder fans “want”.

First let’s get some misconceptions out of the way

Do you think Ruby and co. will forgive her for everything she has done?

In short, no. Hell in my opinion I don’t think they should even forgive Emerald, redemption isn’t the same as forgiveness. Cinder has done too much to them on a personal level that no one would blame them for never forgiving her at all.

It’s not the heroes responsibility to save or redeem Cinder

Right you are, if Cinder gets on the path of redemption it will be her choice. However, she will need help for sure whether that comes in the form of Ruby, Emerald, or possibly even Jaune helping her then I don’t see the problem with it.

She doesn’t deserve redemption, she has done too much and is irredeemable.

That’s not up to you to decide when a character is considered irredeemable. Going back to Emerald, who murdered Tuckson in V2 and bragged about it, willingly took part in the Fall of Beacon and the Battle of Haven, and before her change of heart she willingly assisted Cinder in doing irreparable damage to Amity was still considered redeemable. There is no threshold for redeemable and irredeemable, especially in fiction, it only becomes more and more difficult to look past those acts as time goes on. Also if Mercury and Neo are still redeemable in your eyes, but Cinder isn’t, that’s not really fair.

She doesn’t want redemption

Yes, for now. That doesn’t mean Cinder won’t want it in the future. And as of right now why would she feel the need to be redeemed? In her mind she is justified in her actions. She only paying society back for her terrible and traumatic upbringing. There’s also the possibility that Cinder thinks she doesn’t have a choice but to be “evil”.

In short, we’re passionate Cinder fans, but we’re not stupid or apologists. We are well aware Cinder is pretty bad.

So now time to answer the big question: Why do Cinder fans want redemption? That question is mostly up to the individual Cinder fan and I cannot speak for everyone. But what I can tell you is my stance. For me personally, I’d find it very dark and depressing for Cinder’s story to end with her dying still a slave to Salem. For a story that has a lot of characters break the cycle of abuse, why should Cinder be the exception? I’m also very invested in the character, I find her to be the most interesting character in RWBY so far. She’s not exactly my favorite character, but she is the character I tune into RWBY for. I would like for her to reach some kind of positive conclusion.

Many of the Cinder fans that I have spoken to want her to heal from her trauma and learn that the world isn’t a cesspool of selfishness and cruelty. Killing her with brute force will only prove her right. That power is all that matters and she was right to pursue it by any means necessary. If they want to prove her wrong, then one of the best ways is for them to spare her if they have the chance to kill her. Cinder is a broken person who’s trauma lead her to where she is now, and most fans want her to be healed. Add on the fact that she isn’t that enthusiastic about serving Salem, she’s only in it for her own gain. She’s not in it to end the world.

In my opinion, Cinder is the main protagonist of the villain side. Salem is without a doubt the main antagonist, but Cinder is like the main character if we were watching RWBY from the “Dark” side. She is also the longest lasting villain and has shown up in every volume of RWBY thus far. Clearly, the writers have invested a lot into her character. She isn’t another villain waiting to be killed off, she is a main character in this story and as such it just feels right for her to have a satisfying conclusion by the end of the series. It’d be wasteful to kill her off just to advance some else’s character. To me, her dying tragically to Salem or being killed in cold blood by Ruby or Jaune also feels wasteful,  especially when all characters I listed have developed nicely and wouldn’t really benefit from the accolade of killing Cinder.

In general, we rarely see villains go through a character arc and receive just as much screen time as the protagonists. And if she has a tragic end, what are we supposed to learn from that? Should she have just accepted her place in the world and be an abused child slave? Why was she not allowed to have anything good happen to her? This does not excuse her actions by any means, but she is a victim of a system that failed her. A system that was supposed to protect people like her, but it didn’t. In a sense, she never had a chance, all the hope she had was destroyed when Rhodes tried to arrest her. She has lived her whole life believing there was no hope for her even if she wanted to be “good”. Cinder might think that she never had a choice, so she might as well embrace her “evil” side.

In conclusion, Cinder is a very tragic character, and it would be very depressing if she couldn’t find peace and live the rest of her life at least in a better place than she is now. No one has to or should forgive her, she should atone for what she has done, but let her have a second chance.

[fanfictionsrookie]

...FUCK

Fuck don’t do this to me.

So Cinder lived in an orphanage for about ten years of her life. Since the beginning she was forced to constantly work under harsh conditions while the other children were free to play and hurt her. So this already gave rise to Cinder’s temper and tendency to lash out when provoked by people of lesser power than those keeping her captive.

And when someone does come around...

A woman who can give her a life she only dreamed of?

Well it turns to be just that, a dream, a fairy tale.

For this woman didn’t want another daughter to begin with. She wanted a servant, The woman does not even consider Cinder as a person who needs something as little as food. Cinder has to go out and ask for these things, and when it is given, it is simply enough to scrape by.

It is at this moment that Cinder realises that her life here, will be no better than the life she lived at the orphanage. It might very well be worse.

But even no, with no options but to do as she is told, Cinder is intrinsically defiant. She is looking for an escape.

Just like her fans, Cinder is forced to live off of crumbs. I’m sorry guys.

But seriously, this just hammers in the fact that Cinder has been taking care of herself, surviving since the beginning. She wouldn’t even dare risk asking for food, which will never be enough, and still get punished for it.

And there he is guys, Cinder’s prince.

Fuck this breaks by heart.

So Cinder has already unlocked her semblance. I’ve said it before, but to me, Cinder’s semblance is the subconscious manifestation or need for emotional warmth that she never got to experience as a child.

And what she got instead was torture. Like this is literal torture. And I can imagine like, just being adopted, Cinder is given this wonderful gift, a new home, a beautiful necklace. Only for it to turn into a cruel means of controlling her.

And this is giving me horrible deja vu.

Fuck me. Rule of three.

This scenes clearly cements the lasting effects of mental and physical abuse, especially when someone never escapes her abusive environment. Cinder presently knows what Salem is doing to her. But it’s something she doesn’t want to face, because of a desperate need to be free.

Just this reaction. This instant reaction of fear and always being on guard.

Cinder’s arc has multiple facets. The realisation that power does not guarantee victory, that hurting others does not heal your own pain, and as we’ll later see, that in doing so, you’ll forever be forced to go on the run. That one should peruse constructive methods in achieving one’s goals.

And what Cinder has always wanted is freedom.

I guessed her to be about 12 in the first snippet in the previous episode, but good grief this is heartbreaking.

Even more so when you realise that through everything, Cinder did look for a positive way out. She wanted to be a huntress. Just stop and think for a minute how different her life could have been. This is what she wanted. Freedom to live her own life, free from anguish.

And by the gods did she work hard for that dream. It’s not just seven years of training and waiting. But seven years of continuous torture.

And the effects of that is showing, slowly but surely the bottled up hatred is showing and she is trying so hard to bottle it up.

Then it happens. Cinder is so close. She has grown up into a beautiful young woman and she is on the verge of fulfilling her dream. Getting a taste of freedom. But, a dream once again.

Then it happens. Cinder is so close. She has grown up into a beautiful young woman and she is on the verge of fulfilling her dream. Getting a taste of freedom. But, a dream once again.

And to what a cruel reality Cinder has woken up to.

Now I would just like to point out fifteen minutes. Not just the fifteen minutes in which Cinder killed her ‘Mother’ and ‘Stepsisters’ but fifteen minutes in which Cinder most likely desperately tried to convince them otherwise and hold onto her goals which is is in her grasp.

Of course, what happens when Cinder is pushed into a corner with no way left to go? She attacks.

Another detail, but again, think how this ‘shock collar’ had Cinder on her knees in the beginning. Not only has she gotten used to it, but she still has the will to fight back.

Now, I very well know that who one becomes is because of who they are and their decisions, but up until this point, Cinder is right, what she is, is what they pushed her to become. What they deluded her into thinking, that the only way to freedom...

...Is to get rid of those who have power over you.

Fuck guys, I wanna cry.

Cinder knows what she did was wrong, she knows it. But she is still holding onto the possibility that everything will be alright now that her abusers are gone.

But then one obstacle turns into another. And at this stage, there is no turning back. At this moment, Cinder will do anything to make sure she isn’t locked into another cage yet again.

Let it be knows that Cinder has always been a crafty fighter. that was has always been her strongest, when she was at her weakest.

Cinder just killed a Huntsman.

The first person to ever care for her. The first person to show her any kindness. Because she was afraid that he’d turn out like all the other’s. And yet, he showed her that kindness up until the very end.

And here’s where is starts, burying her guilt, shutting out her emotions because Cinder finally got the freedom she wanted.

She is free. Her shackles are unbound. But all she can do is run.

Now, I wonder, if volume 1-3 had the same budget, or if CRWBY knew for certain that this was the direction they’d be going, would they have shown these scars on her neck? And are they still there?

Here we are. Back to the present and our view on Cinder is forever changed.

I can only assume that Cinder’s response, the fear of realising where she is after her failure, is because of the effects of her memory. That she hasn’t had the time to slip on that façade of hers. That underneath, Cinder is still a scared little girl.

Despite everything Cinder still has someone, one person who still cares for her and her feelings towards losing Mercury as an ally couldn’t have been clearer. Cinder wants people around her, to care for her. But she has yet to realise that, that means caring for them too.

But what would she know about that? The only prominent ‘caretakers’ in her life has been her ‘Stepmother’ and Salem. And that’s what Cinder is, or is trying to become, even if she doesn’t realise it.

And despite everything...

...Cinder is back where she started. Caught in the cycle of abuse.

Nothing has changed. Cinder swapped one abuser of another. One pair of chains for another.

And she is so close to realising it.

But Salem knows Cinder, she knows how to manipulate and make Cinder think that she is any different from her abuser. And Cinder believes it, or at least she wants to. Cinder wants freedom so bad that she would justify Salem’s abuse as such.

Now this shot.

To me this symbolizes Salem forcing/ manipulating Cinder to trust her. That isn’t Cinder’s hand. Those are the chains that binds Cinder to her. But Cinder still seems them as gifts, and I can only hope that’s she’ll tear it apart.

Another, Cinder’s third possible face off with Penny. Now, how will this go?

Considering Cinder’s recollection of what she learnt from Rhodes, and the Hound backing her up, I would want to belive Cinder will succeed, but CRWBY loves proving me wrong. If Cinder succeeds, then it could act as a further reinforcement that more power is not what she needs. Of course this means Pietro dying to most likely giving his last remaing Aura to Penny, but I very much doubt Penny will lose this fight. But at the same time, this episode feels like a shift in Cinder’s direction, and I’m not even sure to where.

Salem has reaffirmed Cinder’s trust in her, or so it seems, because right now they couldn’t feel further apart. Because of this shift I feel like Cinder would win, but not in the way she expected, perhaps not even by using Salem’s teachings,. But by her own cunning. This could mean blackmail. Cinder’s fear of failure could outweigh her need for the Winter Maiden’s powers, so she somehow tricks Penny, assuming she regains consciousness, into giving her the staff.

 ...

In short, I don’t know what is in store for Cinder.

To me, Cinder would break away from Salem the moment she realises what Salem is doing to her. But that means accepting that she isn’t free. And that is something Cinder is so terrified of that she won’t even consider it. The only way to get Cinder to realise this, is to take away the remaining person at her side, Emerald. Cinder needs to fear something else, more than she fears feeling powerless. But she also needs to realise what true freedom is like.

As for what that looks like for Cinder... I don’t know.

...

But CRWBY has done a fantastic job this episode.

We’ve waited for years and to me, it’s everything I expected, wanted, hoped for and more. This episode truly feels like a new chapter in Cinder’s story.

She might have gone from one abuser, one cage to the second, but we will be waiting for the third time.

For when she finally breaks free.

[rainbowoverdragon]

Thoughts on Ryo

This is an analysis of Zane Truesdale/Ryo Marufuji, focusing on his mindset as well as his relationships with other people. As I am basing this off the original Japanese version for standardization, all names likewise are their sub counterparts.

When Sho obtains a rare and powerful card from his brother, he believes he has it made. After this, Sho finds the courage to confront his bully in a duel. So after he draws Power Bond, Sho thinks he has it made. He gloats to the bully, insulting him, making outlandish claims out of the arrogant belief that he can't lose. Before he can use it, Sho is interrupted by the very person who gifted him that card. "You aren't worthy to use that card yet. Until you have what it takes to be called a duelist, I declare that card off-limits.'' Devastated by this statement, Sho proceeded to view himself as incapable of dueling for years; unworthy of Power Bond. It’s an establishing character moment for both Marufuji brothers, setting Ryo up as an impossible standard to reach in Sho’s eyes. However, for Ryo, his intentions are revealed to be more well-intentioned than Sho is led to believe. In episode 8, Sho realizes that Ryo wished for Sho to treat his own power with respect: towards both his opponent and his high-risk high-reward cards. This constant cycle of good intentions and misplaced words leads to a negative feedback loop between the brothers that seems impossible to resolve. Ryo struggles to convey his own observations to others in a way that doesn’t come off as condescending. Sho cannot take things past face value, and places his brother upon a pedestal that he cannot surpass. After all, how can you beat perfection itself?

During his years in Duel Academy, Ryo is the embodiment of perfection. He is the opposite of his brother, never missing a single mark in any area. Everyone constantly refers to Ryo as “perfect”, from his teachers to his peers to even the Kaiser himself. He even soundly beats Judai in the first duel they have together, a feat seen as impossible by the audience. But it’s this very idea of perfection that haunts Ryo, as he believes that perfection implies stagnation. If Ryo has perfect scores in class, there is no way to improve them. If he reached the peak of his potential in one duel, that means it’s all downhill from there. His greatest fears are confirmed when he loses to Edo in the Pro Leagues, starting a chain of losses that ruins his career beyond repair. Ryo is perfect. He is so perfect, that during his school years he never truly struggled against an opponent (Aside from Judai in Episodes 51-52 however he maintained the advantage for the majority of the duel). In fact, he suffered from the opposite problem. As Ryo is too powerful, he’d purposely hold back until his peers could unleash their trump cards against him. Only then did he defeat them with just enough power to avoid humiliation. His first loss wasn’t only his first loss, it was the first time Ryo found himself in a disadvantaged position. His inexperience with failure led to him associating the mere act of struggle with the idea of loss. Ryo’s inability to move past this is his own self-fulfilling prophecy. Being afraid of failure makes people play to not lose. Playing to not lose instead of playing to win causes chokes, which results in losses. Unable to break from this cycle, Ryo is abandoned by his sponsors. Which is why the idea of Underground Duels, a place where he can start over and regain his bearings is so enticing. At least, until they reveal the condition.

And at first, Ryo despises the Underground. He appeals to be released, he states it’s not what dueling is, it’s nothing like he could ever imagine. And how could it be? Ryo’s life is on the line, and for no good reason. The shock collars are there to make things fun for the audience, not for any other benefit! In his duel with Sho, who says that 'this isn't dueling', Ryo even admits he thought the same thing. It spits on the very concept of respecting your opponent. The collars humiliate you, egging you on to forget about the other person. And in general, is amoral (as well as a human rights violation). Underground Duels are almost always life or death, because nobody fights harder than people who are convinced they are going to die. And Ryo is convinced that if he duels the way that he always has, if he clings into his morals, he will die. His opponent, Mad Dog, purposely created a deck to counter him. So why should he respect him? Why should he not aim to win? Why can’t he aim to survive? After crawling from hell, nothing is the same for the Kaiser. Because every duel is another reminder that he survived. He is unable to see any match he takes for fun, every duel to him is life or death. In the real world, there are people who lose and wither away, and people who win and thrive. And by god, he wants to feel alive. He spent so long losing, something utterly unthinkable for the Kaiser of Duel Academy. Ryo was undefeated before, now he truly wishes to not experience it again. If forcing himself to feel that every fight of his is to the death, literally or mentally, then so be it. He continues dueling in the Underground, continues to utilize the shock collars he once despised. No matter what cost, health or mind, Ryo requires victory.

When Ryo is told that his health is failing from his shock collars, he doesn’t seek medical attention. Because to Ryo, being alive is more important than living. He transformed into Hell Kaiser achieved the great power that comes from becoming a monster, at the cost of self-destruction. He flirted with death, and finally has to pay the price. And he doesn’t care. As long as Ryo obtains what he wishes, he is happy. And what the Hell Kaiser wants more than anything else, is one last duel to surpass all others. Ryo would rather reach the limit of his capabilities, and die meeting them than waste away quietly to be forgotten forever. Thus he seeks Yubel, the strongest monster spirit in the Universe. If he meets an opponent of his caliber and 'shines' during the mattle, then he’d have nothing to fear in death. But he does. After entering his long-awaited match, Ryo admits to not wanting to die. He wants to live, he wants to leave a mark that can never be forgotten. Yet he doesn’t want to die. Ryo has achieved everything he wanted, shown the strongest he has been or will ever be. Before he duels Yubel, he comes to a revelation. At first, Ryo wished to fight the strongest being to win. He doesn't care anymore. Ryo is dying, win or lose the result is the same. Since he turned Hell Kaiser, Ryo only respected victory. The joy he obtained by knowing he survived another duel is utterly meaningless against Yubel. What happiness does he obtain knowing he survived….when he isn’t going to live to begin with? He understands that the duel itself is what makes Ryo feel alive, doing the most with what remaining time he has with his life. As Ryo tells Judai, his death is the end of the road for people who glorify power. And thus it’s no surprise that Ryo is taken out by the card he is associated with most: Power Bond. A card that lets you receive unthinkable amounts of power, at the price of self-destruction.

Out of all the people who save Judai from himself, the Kaiser’s impact is one of the most apparent. It takes someone who knows the suffering someone else goes through to achieve empathy, especially in Judai's case. Judai struggles with sympathy, as shown with his interactions with Sho in Seasons 1-3. Whenever Sho asks for help with his confidence, Judai gives him the helpful advice of "Don't be anxious!" Judai cannot comprehend being insecure with one's capabilities, thus he cannot help Sho directly. In contrast, Judai is more receptive to empathy. Manjoume's crisis in Season 1 revolved around the pressure others placed upon him to succeed. Judai deeply understands his strife, and helps him fight for himself. This is why Misawa's speech about accountability fails to help Judai utilize Polymerization. Misawa has no fundamental basis to understand Judai's feelings. In contrast, Kaiser's duel with Yubel awakens Judai's character growth. Ryo is Judai's cautionary tale, a warning of self-fulfilling prophecies. During the Graduation Duel, Ryo tells Judai that he possesses infinite potential compared to himself. This rings true in watching Ryo's belief of his own lack of capability to change, resulting in his inability to change because he destroyed himself beyond repair. In contrast, Judai has not fallen to this path. Watching Ryo's descent as well as his late realization means everything to Judai: especially someone so responsive to empathy. This is because they are mirrors of each other, to the point their character’s arcs are entirely parallel to one another. Both are idolized for the power they hold over others, both of them experience the loss of the pedestal they once stood upon. Both achieve the sharpest fall from grace (against an opponent with ‘Mad’ in their title), which leads to them glorifying their own power and abusing it against others. Despite their friends trying to help them, it is ultimately up to themselves to self-actualize their shortcomings. However it is Ryo, who thinks he cannot change, who succumbs upon his own revelation. And it is Ryo, who always believed in Judai’s infinite potential even in the Graduation Duel, who changes Judai’s path. Without Ryo, Judai would be unable to utilize his power responsibly. Because Judai now knows what happens to people who push themselves too far, just like how he used to. Power is not something to be afraid of or abused, but to use responsibly.

The Hell Kaiser doesn’t entirely work for others; he even states he fought Yubel out of selfish motivations. However, Ryo is also constantly associated with lighthouses. To the people that mean the most to him, Ryo is a light that tries to guide others to safety. However lighthouses are far away from the people they try to save, and thus it takes the initiative of others to help themselves after seeing the light from afar. This is shown by Ryo’s relationships with the people he’s closest to remaining fundamentally the same from his own side: regardless of his actual guidance being positive or negative. Ryo’s actions and intentions around Sho remain the same across both his younger self and Hell Kaiser: each time trying to guide Sho to become the best version of himself. "Until you have what it takes to be called a duelist, I declare that card off-limits."", is the devastating statement Ryo told Sho as kids. But Ryo believed his brother needed to understand true power in respect, guiding Sho away from arrogance and towards the light of good. His brother's weakness required defending. This concept is twisted on its head once Ryo becomes Hell Kaiser, who only views power or meaning in victory. Thus he employs the same tactic, because Ryo does not see the difference between restricting Power Bond to teach respect, and having Sho experience the same pain he did to ditch it.

Both Ryo and Hell Kaiser sing the same song. Ryo intends on ‘protecting’ his weaker brother by teaching him right from wrong. Both times, Sho and Ryo misunderstand each other. At first, Sho doesn’t comprehend the real reason why Ryo forbade Power Bond. The second time, Ryo doesn’t understand how Sho can cling to his own beliefs of respect even if he loses because of it. However, the one time Ryo’s words connect is when he saves Sho in season 3. And even then, it’s an admission of distance between the two. Ryo sees Sho’s pain inflicted by Judai far outweighs what Ryo had done to Sho. Thus Ryo advises Sho to follow Judai, since it’s what his heart truly desired all along. He then leaves, to force Sho into walking his own path. Ryo cannot spell out Sho's wishes any more than he does. And if Sho is alone, then he is forced to swim instead of sink.

Ryo’s association with lighthouses in canon directly correlates to Fubuki. As much as Fubuki is associated with darkness, Ryo is quite literally the light that shines through to him. When Fubuki was overtaken by Darkness in the first arc, we later find out that Ryo regrets being unable to find Fubuki no matter how much information and effort he scrounged up. Fubuki then replies that the mere act of trying saved him, as he could see Ryo’s feelings in spite of the darkness that consumed him. To Fubuki, Ryo is the lighthouse that guides people through the darkness. And when Fubuki is overtaken by the Darkness in an attempt to save Ryo from it, Ryo’s feelings once again vanquishes Fubuki from the dark. However, instead of the Kaiser saving Fubuki, Hell Kaiser explicitly protects him from Darkness. Because the two are friends, even after everything Ryo’s been through. This leads Fubuki to a revelation that no one else understands: Hell Kaiser is not fundamentally different from Ryo. Fubuki realizes that even as Hell Kaiser, Ryo respected Fubuki. Why else would he save him from Darkness? Indeed, every interaction of Ryo’s major interpersonal relationships are fundamentally the same. It’s simply his worldview that shifted. As much as Ryo wishes to respect others, he doesn’t think he can in a world where everyone must take advantage of their life to the fullest extent.

And Ryo, who cannot change because he thinks he cannot change, stayed as he was until it was far too late to be saved.

[appleflavoredkitkats]

stagnant;

author’s note: been a while! this isn't as long as my other fics, but i wanted to write this because i just like the concept of fundy in las nevadas, okay? and smoke breaks. i love writing smoke breaks. and of course, i will be writing about fundy because i am biased and he deserves better lmao. this is all written before the las nevadas arc ever occurs, so if there are any discrepancies by the time las nevadas finishes, that ain't my fault.

also! all of this is platonic! i view schlatt as fundy's other father figure. for quackity, i don't necessarily view him as 100% manipulative towards fundy and schlatt, but you're free to interpret him in any way you want. and yes, i know the situation about schlatt, and i don't support the actions of the cc, but i do enjoy his dsmp character nonetheless.

DO NOT SEND THIS FIC TO ANY CONTENT CREATOR!! be nice!!

laslty, special thanks to my good friend dany from the dsmpanalysis discord server for beta-ing my fic!

relationships: platonic fundy & schlatt (father-son relationship)

warnings: trauma, smoking, gambling, drinking, alcoholism, substance abuse, self-harm (accidentally burning oneself), slight mentions of fire, parental neglect (from wilbur), unhealthy coping mechanisms, implied depression or mental illness, mental health struggles, addiction, references to past violence, death idealization, underaged gambling, arguments (in the background), and general angst!

word count: 1878

summary: fundy closes his eyes, taps on the quartz again, and leans forward on the metal bars of his balcony. he lets out another puff of smoke as he sinks into the lax atmosphere. he gives into the fantasy, the delusion.

a second pair of footsteps are then heard behind fundy, but even then, fundy doesn’t move from his position. he knows who it is anyway— there are only two or three people who had access to the five-star suites on the last floor, and only one of them frequents his room often.

“you know, smoking’s bad for your health,” schlatt tells him with a half-smirk.

or, it's midnight in las nevadas, and fundy has a smoke break with schlatt. he reflects on the state of the server, and he reflects on himself.

( ao3 link )

a click of a lighter, the tapping of dress shoes against chiseled quartz, the rummaging of pockets to fetch another fresh pack of cigs. his paws work automatically: slicing the plastic cover with his claws, fumbling the top open, and finally selecting a cigarette from the batch, twirling it between his fingers to the sound of muffled, jazzy tunes in the background.

with the smoke in between his sharp fangs, he guides the lighter to the end of the stick. there’s a deep inhale, letting the smoke fizzle into his lungs, latching onto every feeling of remorse, regret, guilt, sadness, pain, hurt, trauma, everything— 

and fundy exhales, all of those icky sensations evaporating into misty smoke.

this cycle of mindless smoking continues as fundy stands idly on his hotel room’s balcony. up ten stories high, fundy looms over almost everything in las nevadas. despite it being midnight, las nevadas’ visitors never relent. from above, staring with droopy eyes, fundy sees all four casinos lit up brighter than a neighbourhood during the holidays. no bulbs malfunction, thankfully; all of them flicker and twinkle as if there was something to celebrate about in this place full of deceit and temporary bliss. the bars, while more mellow, have the calmest of tunes blasting from their jukeboxes. when fundy first started working here, he remembers being fond of upbeat tunes like these, but they’ve quickly grown stale, or maybe fundy’s just grown tone deaf overtime. who knows?

everything about this place grows on fundy like a terrible rash. sometimes, he does enjoy the outgoing crowds and customers, but sometimes, the noise overwhelms him— ear-piercing, annoying, inharmonious. so, he ends up in places like his dishevelled room, unkempt from all the alcohol and exhaustion and the fact that he just doesn’t  want to give a fuck anymore. but as much as his room is reminiscent of the rubble he left in his original base, he at least feels at ease with the sounds he hears from above. there is the same jazz music, the same victorious yelling at jackpots, the same rolling from the slot machines, but it’s in diminuendo. 

it’s a symphony fundy will willingly listen to because he feels like he can separate himself from the chaos present downstairs. when he is with the others, when he serves tequila shots and shuffled decks, he feels like he is at the center of his own friends’ descent but from his own bedroom, he can pretend that he is fine, that everything is fine. he can live in the delusion that his friends are shouting from a well-deserved victory when deep in the back of his head, he knows that they’ve gotten inexplicably attached to machinery that he knows is programmed to bring about their demise.

fundy closes his eyes, taps on the quartz again, and leans forward on the metal bars of his balcony. he lets out another puff of smoke as he sinks into the lax atmosphere. he gives into the fantasy, the delusion.

a second pair of footsteps is then heard behind fundy, but even then, he doesn’t move from his position. he knows who it is anyway— there are only two or three people who had access to the five-star suites on the last floor, and only one of them frequents his room often.

the guy who enters pats his back twice gently as a greeting, settling himself next to fundy. fundy averts his gaze from the saturated lights to look at the goat hybrid. with a newly tailored suit and freshly manicured horns, schlatt has never looked more dapper, but his skin was still heavily scarred and immensely graying. 

“you know, smoking’s bad for your health,” schlatt tells him with a half-smirk. fundy lowers the smoke, coughing a little before raising an incredulous eyebrow at schlatt.

“i learned from the worst,” fundy replies as his free hand shuffles through his pockets, holding out the box of smokes for schlatt to get one for himself. fundy doesn’t need to ask schlatt if he has his own lighter; he somehow always does. he’s been used to his mannerisms ever since a darkened flag with glowing, orange lace loomed over a dying country.

schlatt easily raises the smoke to his chapped lips and lights it easily. he falls into the rhythm of the scenery, slouching against the metal railings as he watches the same fluorescent bulbs fundy had been watching. 

moments like these, no matter how incredibly fucked they are, are the closest fundy can get to tasting peace. his father once described peace as a taste of freedom. it is the image of bright-eyed soldiers under swathes of redwood trees, free from the shackles of tyranny and violence their oppressors have imposed on them.

but fundy knows, as always, that his father is a liar, because at this very moment, fundy connects the concept of peace with the disgusting taste of smoke.

it is a habit he’s picked up from a man he’d once considered perfect. back when the server first hit its grayest of days, sometimes fundy’s claws had itched to strike a match, to spark stones. the scorching blaze igniting was the most colorful thing  he’d had in that wasteland of grey. he’d kept doing it more and more and more, until his own fur and skin burned and he realized that he too is graying like the place he called home. when schlatt had first discovered it, fundy remembers a lot of talking—all kind, kind words that have tarnished his perception on what a caring guardian, or a father, may be—and then, out of the blue, fundy asks for a smoke. while a confused eyebrow quirks, schlatt gives him one to try out, saying that there is a first time for everything, especially since their lives have been as mundane as they possibly can be.

and here fundy is now, able to finish an entire pack in the span of a few days as if it is a part of his diet. 

but if all this substance abuse and addiction and self-sabotage and self-deprecation have become so widespread in the server, so normalized, would one even consider it awful? if everyone is traumatized or hurt, does the concept of trauma even exist in the first place?

“you know, i— don’t take this the wrong way, but i thought that you would be much happier to see all your friends reunited,” schlatt speaks, fingers gesturing to tiny specks on the ground that move in sync with the jazz. fundy hums non-committedly as a reply, not really knowing what to say. 

“well, sucks to be you, i guess. mopey ass,” schlatt jokes with the same half-smirk he uses whenever fundy is notably graying like he did in the past. fundy chuckles at it, at least, but his shoulders droop immediately after. the smallest bouts of happiness and joy make him unbelievably tired nowadays.

fundy attempts to lift his smoke again to his lips, but surprisingly, schlatt interrupts, forcing fundy to lower his arm. fundy stares at him acutely with furrowed brows. “fundy, i—” schlatt begins, and his lighthearted expression dwindles into something much more anxious and apprehensive. schlatt clears his throat and continues, “fundy, kid, i know i’m not the type to get all grossly emotional and whatnot—that’s more of tubbo’s thing—but you have to listen to me when i say that you need to leave.” schlatt grips fundy’s forearm now, firm yet slightly shaking. “kid, you’re not healthy here. it’s— you— this—” schlatt gestures towards the buildings, the lights, the entire shithole that they are stuck in, “this is not somewhere you need to be. you need to leave when you can.”

fundy blinks, and then he blinks once more before his free hand shrugs off schlatt’s grip. he returns to his original position of leaning against the railing, and through the reflection of the cold metal, fundy can see the unpleasant surprise on schlatt’s face transform into something more defeated. a pregnant silence precedes a long, exasperated sigh from schlatt. the edges of fundy’s lips slightly curve downwards.

“well, it would be easier if it weren’t for the fact that i literally have nowhere else to go,” fundy replies monotonously, as if this statement is something he’s rehearsed several times before. “i’ve hit rock bottom, schlatt. i have nothing else to lose,” fundy continues, huffing out a melancholic chuckle. he doesn’t think this situation he’s stuck in is anything comedic, but it sure is amusing how his life has continuously spiralled further and further for the past five years. he’s amused by the fact that he is still very much alive and breathing by this point despite the—fundy looks at his half-finished cigarette, the livid circles under his eyes, his furrowing ears as being exposed to multiple explosions has caused a permanent, high-pitched sound to ring in them sporadically—small, little missteps. 

it’s quiet again as schlatt stares at fundy uncomfortably. “you’re really out here wishing for god to strike you dead in front of a dead man— how very respectful of you,” schlatt replies sarcastically. fundy knows schlatt only wants to lighten up the mood. schlatt has been very persistent in helping fundy find the brighter side of things for a while, but lately, they’ve fallen flat. is schlatt’s eloquence gradually deteriorating, or is it fundy who’s only gotten more numb towards schlatt?

fundy doesn’t know, and both possibilities are undesirable, really, so fundy decides to speak. “i’m sorry,” fundy says, and he doesn’t know if it is for himself or for schlatt. maybe it’s for the both of them.

schlatt’s look softens, and he raises his free palm to grip fundy’s shoulder, thumbing it for comfort. a part of fundy wants to sob, to cry, but he chokes all his tears back with an inhale of smoke. “i’m sorry too,” schlatt murmurs, his voice the softest and the most caring it has ever been. when fundy exhales, he can feel tears prick the corners of his eyes as schlatt continues, “you deserve better.”

fundy hums and his eyes trail downwards to gaze at las nevadas’ visitors once more. he spots ranboo, possibly exhausted judging by his sloppy movements, forcefully pulling a crazed tubbo from a slot machine. fundy remembers that inside, he has seen purpled, foolish, and puffy shout over a simple card, a two of clubs, arguing on whether they should split the fifteen stacks of diamonds or not. he remembers finding sam outside the bar next to the trash bins downing his own personal bottles of alcohol, gripping tightly on a withered rose as he sobs uncontrollably. at the side, he can now see a distressed bad and ant incessantly begging the blackjack booths to accept their territory offers as they’ve lost all their possessions to far too many rounds of roulette wheels and texas hold’ems. he also spots a jovial yet sly quackity skipping through the streets energetically as a stern techno and phil trail behind him, ready to smite anyone who dares terrorize the place. 

and lastly, he stares away from the crowds and returns to gaze at schlatt—tired eyes, frayed hair, drying skin—with a bittersweet smile. fundy replies, “i think we all do.”

[leonawriter]

Second half of what was going to be just one post but I wanted to make each point stand out on its own-

I think that the Port Mafia is going through a character development arc throughout the manga, just the same as the ADA is, and by the time the series ends will be almost unrecognisable from the mafia we started out with.

Funnily enough, the first person who springs to my mind when I think of this is actually Kouyou. Though I will touch on others later on.

Kouyou is certainly not the first PM member we meet. Strictly speaking, that’d be Dazai, or Higuchi, or Akutagawa. But I feel like her change is the most indicative of the route the mafia is taking, and the difference between the pre-manga PM, and the PM after the manga started, and after several arcs. In fact, this is also something I tend to try and think about when writing her in fics, because it is highly relevant.

Chronologically, we know that her timeline is thus; she was part of the mafia in the time before Mori took over, and under the old boss she wanted to run away, likely encouraged by an older man who she may have had feelings for, romantic or not. That man died, and left her feeling that no matter what, she would be unable to escape the darkness. At some time after that, Mori took over the mafia. A year later, she was one of his trusted subordinates, and she is tasked with taking a young Chuuya - previously an enemy of the mafia, and someone who had no idea how to talk to the mafia’s business partners - under her wing. She would go on to become an executive, and at some time before the manga began, found and took in Kyouka. She would then go on to be murderously protective of her young ward, much like a mother or older sister, and encourage her to believe as she had - that she would never be able to live in the light.

So what we see from this is that Kouyou up until this point is a woman with a dark past and a dark heart who is full of grief, and I think that a lot of people overlook this because she’s beautiful and because the way she is later is more popular, but... she is just as guilty of perpetuating the cycle of abuse as Mori, Dazai, and Akutagawa. She was imparting to Kyouka the same “life lessons” that she had learned herself, in much the same way that Atsushi’s headmaster had. Both of those people had suffered, and so both of them taught their charge in a way that they saw as somewhat more forgiving than what they had gone through, in a way that to them would ready the child for the outside world and their future, but was ultimately doing more harm than good.

So, what changes?

I’d say that to answer “Dazai” is to over-simplify things.

The situation had become such that it was no longer viable. Kyouka refused to go back to the mafia. Kouyou was afraid for her, that she would lose herself in some way, and despite her previous words to Atsushi, she did want Kyouka to succeed; or at the very least, saw how a failure would break her, as we see it does while she’s in the jail plane, chained up in midair. Their organisations are not just at odds, but as an executive she’d have to be seeing that neither of them are in a safe position.

Kouyou was already in the perfect place to accept Dazai’s suggestions before he came to her with them (and, admittedly, he may have predicted that things would get to this point, may have used the situation to his advantage).

So, what changes the way that she sees things?

Dazai is one aspect. A rather large one, considering how he himself puts that he managed to get out of the mafia, and is someone with his sort of past (and personality) who not only made it out, but has been staying out, and succeeding. He also points out that with him present in the ADA, he’s able to ensure that Kyouka can flourish in the way that she deserves to.

Atsushi is another aspect, I’d say, because he was the one who was willing to suggest that their organisations work together.

Even just staying with the ADA and not being treated with anything other than respect (and yes, that includes “respect for how dangerous she can be”) would work towards this.

In summary, Kouyou before the Three Company Conflict arc is a grief-ridden woman filled with despair, who sees herself as someone only capable of showing her true potential in the darkness. She comes out of said arc as someone who appears happy with where she is, and who chooses to be where she is, yet who is also happy to help Kyouka from the shadows.

This is just focusing on the one I feel is the best representation of this phenomenon of PM members coming out better. 

Another would have to be Chuuya, which is something that many people have written about, myself included, on how before the manga starts he’s bitter over Dazai’s defection, seeing that trust in his partner as having been shattered. Yet over the course of their first reunion, he is forced to see that his partnership with Dazai need not be over simply because Dazai is now a traitor to the mafia, and that Dazai, well, missed him. As a person. That the connection is still there. And later, during the Lovecraft battle, they work together fluidly again, just like old times and reminding them that just because they’re older, doesn’t mean they’re too much different to still be partners. You can really see it in Dead Apple, where his acceptance of Dazai is less in how willingly he trusts in him and activates Corruption, and more in how comfortable he is after he’s woken up again both in the movie when he sees Akutagawa, and in the promo images where he’s still next to Dazai, and they’re smiling.

Akutagawa needs almost no explanation, given how his arc is still ongoing, and he’s already gone from being the rabid dog of the mafia who kills before he thinks to someone who goes out of his way to leave people alive, and who because of that, is learning to see things from another point of view, just as Dazai wanted of him.

Yet, it’s not just these obvious ones; Higuchi has to work with the ADA on several occasions, tempering down on her novice’s pride in her organisation that she had on her introduction, and is also coming into her own as well. Kajii may well have taken something from his encounter with Yosano, and we see how he’s more than just a mad lemon scientist when he says how much he respects Mori (and I wonder if anything else is going to happen with that). Hirotsu is now able to talk with Dazai again and it isn’t something that he would have to worry about being seen as treasonous. 

And last but not least, Mori himself - when it’s said during his match against Fukuzawa that they’ve both got more to protect now, that’s not just cheap words; Mori protects his people. He shows grief when his people die and it was out of his control. He accepts that an alliance with the ADA is the best and most optimal course when it’s put on the table, even with the understanding that it’ll put them at a disadvantage in the short term. He is forced to begin to come to terms with things about his past that he had been trying to rationalise, and ignore, such as how his actions led to Dazai’s defection, and I sincerely believe that although he does not regret what he did, he does regret how it ended, and what it cost him. 

Mori, the leader of the mafia, is being forced in the current arc  to come face to face with the realisation that the mafia can’t live as an island, merely taking from the ADA what they need and giving nothing in return. It is Mori’s lack of action that led to things becoming as bad as they are now, and because of that, his own people are suffering. I’ve said this before to personal friends, but I do think that this is indicative of the mafia’s growth as a group - Mori needs to learn that the alliance with the ADA has to be an equal one.

What’s more, the ADA is learning through their own growth in general that they have to be able to trust the PM in return.

What does this say to me? 

Other than that the characters of the mafia have been influenced positively by the plot, into becoming better versions of themselves, and the development is still in progress because the series isn’t over? That you can’t write them the way they are now, into a fic set years before the series starts?

That the themes of BSD are such that the PM represent the underside of society, a cruel and callous way of thinking that we often don’t wish people to see, or that we cover up. That even the ADA, on the twilight of the law, is still more often than not too proud to accept the help of criminals who are less ashamed and more forward about the way that they do things being criminal. That both sides are slowly moving down the path of being able to accept one another better, and in doing so, they’ll better be able to accept themselves.

We already see this with Kouyou and Akutagawa and Chuuya especially. We see this with Dazai, and to a degree with Kyouka. I believe that the longer the series goes in this direction, the more other ADA characters will accept themselves; such as Tanizaki, with his ability to use his ability in ways that Hirotsu notes are “perfect for assassination,” and with Ranpo, who hides the fact that he has insecurities and is also fully willing to make a demon of himself in order to protect his own - which is far more of a mafia attitude than an ADA one, even if, just like with Chuuya, I’m not sure I can imagine him in the other organisation.

The ADA will always be the ADA, and the PM will always be the PM, but together they can be better than they were before on their own. Currently they seem to be on a tentative truce of sorts, uncertain about doing things together and constantly in a state of tension. If they can get to a point where they trust each other more implicitly, that’s where the real strength is going to come from - something that Mori saw himself, when sending Chuuya out to help Dazai - and yet it won’t just be in the sense of power and how well they perform in their casework and missions, but strength of character, in who they are as people.

[thehollowprince]

What would you say are Scott's main character traits (including flaws)?

His compassion, his empathy, his resilience, his refusal to give up or back down. Scott was essentially the heart and soul of this show. Without him, none of the events that took place over the six (eight!) seasons would have been possible.

I. Compassion - as a positive trait

To me, this is Scott's biggest character trait. This defined him more than anything else throughout the series. It also set him apart from any other werewolf that we saw throughout the show's run. Where Peter or Derek or Deucalion were angry and power-hungry, Scott wasn't. Scott just wanted to be a teenage boy, be on first line for his lacrosse team, and date his girlfriend. Scott's compassion, his care for the lives of those around him, was what allowed him to overcome the manipulations and machinations of his various foes. Him wanting the best for others was what usually allowed him to turn his enemy's allies against them, by showing them a better way.

One of my favorite lines in the show summed up Scott...

"Scott doesn't care about power-- he cares about people."

Understand, when I praise that sentence, I'm not hating on people like Derek, who craved power, which was understandable given how powerless I'm sure he felt after everything he went through. No, my issue with Derek was never his quest for power, but always with how he went about doing it.

And that was his (Scott's) philosophy from day one. It's how he managed to get Allison out of her aunt's clutches and get Derek to fight against his uncle. It's what allowed him to sway Isaac (and Boyd before he and Isaac switched roles) to his side and away from Derek's pack.

I will always remember the way Isaac looked at Scott during Raving when Scott clarified that he didn't want him (Isaac) to get hurt.

It's what allowed him to calm Boyd and Isaac down in season three, as well as have the twins try so hard to join his pack. On and on that cycle went, with former enemies becoming allies, the biggest example of which being Theo.

Theo was Scott's biggest rival. He managed to do what no other villain on this show ever did. He brought Scott to his lowest point, drove his pack apart, killed him, and after everything, Theo wanted to be a better person, because of Scott.

Sidenote: I think that's why I loved Theo as much as I did. Theo was a perfect example of what Scott could have become if he'd followed the path that Peter laid out for him.

II. Compassion - as a character flaw

Like any great characterization, a character's greatest asset can also be one of their biggest flaws. And while I do think that Scott's compassion was his greatest strength, I also believe it was his greatest weakness. Scott's compassion, his desire to see the best in others, was something that others took advantage of.

Once again I bring up Theo, because whereas others, like Peter or Gerard or Deucalion, simply looked at this from their jaded world view, thinking Scott was naive, Theo was the only one to take actual advantage of Scott's trusting nature, using it to worm his way into the pack and sabotage it from within, as opposed to hammering on it from the outside.

Now, I feel the need to say that it wasn't as bad as some parts of the fandom make it out to be. There are those who "watched" Teen Wolf that will swear that Scott invited in every serial killer and homicidal maniac that came across the show, even after they attempted to kill him, and that's simply not the case. While he was a very trusting person, once you broke that trust, it had to he earned back.

Scott never fully trusted Peter again after his many attempts to take out Scott. Derek spent the latter half of his arc gaining back Scott's trust after repeatedly breaking it in the first two seasons. When Theo came back, Scott didn't give him a bro-hug and say "It's all good". Theo had to earn back every inch of Scott's respect that he so casually threw away.

It was Scott's compassion that also led him to make some pretty risky mistakes, such as invading Corey's mind or attempting the trap with Hayden as bait that ultimately got her and Liam captured by the Dread Doctors. Scott's compassion was what made him bad under pressure, as we saw whenever one of his plans fell apart, he grew frazzled and anxious, because he wanted to protect everyone.

To once again sidebar here for a second, part of me also wonders if Scott was so trusting in response to Stiles' paranoia.

Scott: "Why can't you trust anyone?"

Stiles: "Because you trust everyone!"

Its like a chicken-or-egg situation.

III. Intelligence

Scott's intelligence is often overlooked because it's not as flashy as Lydia's, but he is a highly intelligent character. And no, I'm not just talking about "emotional intelligence", which is often tossed out as some sort of consolation prize, but actual, book-smart intelligence.

People will often cite the first season, when Scott got back a bad grade as proof that he was a poor student, while completely ignoring the fact that said grade had the phrase "this isn't like you" on it, telling the audience that before all these werewolf shenanigans started happening, he had better grades. Something he turned around as the show progressed, enough to get into AP classes. It was Scott who deduced that the Dread Doctors were creating chimeras. It was Scott that figured out what was taken from the Ghost Rider by Douglas. It was Scott that outsmarted Gerard and Deucalion, who managed to trick the trickster (Nogitsune) and to devise a plan that took out the Beast and Theo, as well as denying Gerard his prize.

Scott was incredibly intelligent and people need to recognize and appreciate that.

IV. Empathy - Emotional Intelligence

Scott's empathy was another huge asset of his throughout the show. His ability to empathize with others, particularly those who opposed him, completely threw those around him off guard. Where someone like Peter or Derek (season two) or Theo (season five) would look at someone's circumstances and see that as a way to manipulate them into getting what they want, Scott looked at those same people and empathized with them, accepted their pain for what it was and not as a tool.

In my opinion, that's why Scott and Lydia worked so well together. They were both used and abused by Peter, and tossed aside when they were no longer useful.

It was Scott's empathy that allowed him to connect with Kira and Liam when they were coming into this world. He'd gone through that, scared and confused and he did everything in his power to ease that transition for them. Same with Malia. He recognized that she spent a large chunk of her life as a rabid animal and that it wasn't her fault, giving her the room to grow and come back to herself on her terms. It was him recognizing that Allison had been manipulated by her grief and her grandfather, his refusal to hold that against her because he understood, that inspired Allison to come up with her own code.

Scott understood those around him, and by just being a good person who believed in others, he inspired those around him to be better.

V. Resilience

No character got knocked down as many times as Scott did, and he got back up - every single time.

***

To close off, I want to talk about another "flaw". I don't necessarily view it as a flaw, but I know that some parts of the fandom did, so it needs to he discussed.

The most common flaw that Scott had was the same flaw that his entire pack had - they were teenagers!

Scott was a sixteen year old boy who was bitten by a werewolf and had his entire life thrown upside-down. People often seem to forget that and demand that he be a perfect person (despite not demanding that of other characters) and its aggravating. He got jealous, and angry, and insecure, and he was allowed to. He was allowed to enjoy the little moments of happiness, like getting a good grade or dancing with his girlfriend, because he was a child forced into a world of warring adults who sought to take advantage of him (and others) at every opportunity.

[hotchley]

Hey congrats on 500!!! Can I request 4 from fluff with Hotch x Hayley (romantically) please and thank you <3

Thank you! This was so much fun to do! It got a little dark for fluff, and there were a few references that I couldn't resist putting in, so I do apologise. It may read as bittersweet. Imagine canon never happens. Under 1.5k, unsure of the actual word count.

I wrote this in the car, I'm now on holiday, so the rest will probably have to wait and I probably won't be very active. I'll be back properly on Tuesday/Wednesday :)

If you're wondering where Haley's personality came from... it's me. Don't read into that please. (/hj)

4: "your hair is so soft!

Trigger Warnings: past child abuse, toxic mother in laws, toxic masculinity, discussions of sex (no actual sex), slight implications of pressure in regards to sex- generically, not between them

read on ao3!

Haley can't quite believe it.

She's married.

She's married to Aaron Hotchner. She's Haley Hotchner now. And she knows that names aren't everything, because she would still be herself regardless of her surname, and Aaron has proved that he loves her for what she is, not who she is, time and time again. But it's still a nice feeling.

To see her name written as Haley Hotchner. To whisper it to herself. She hopes that, in the highly unlikely- almost impossible- situation in which something goes horrifically wrong and they can't be together, that she will keep his name as a testament to the life they are going to build together.

As husband and wife. Because he's her husband now. And she's his wife.

It still hasn't sunk in. They did only get married a few hours ago, and they haven't even packed for the honeymoon yet, much to Jessica's horror, but they aren't leaving till the next weekend so they couldn't really pack. Not without running out of clothes. Although she's not sure how much she'd mind Aaron not being in clothes.

It'll probably hit when they move into their apartment. Theirs. It won't be their forever home. They can't afford that yet. Their apartment is going to be in Seattle, because that's where Aaron is going to be sent, and Haley likes the school so they don't need to consider other options (thank goodness.) Their forever home is going to be in Quantico. They already know the house.

It's the one they saw whenever they went back to their own homes during the holidays. The one filled with laughter and light and love. It's beautiful. And the couple that live there know them, because Aaron stopped to help them get their cat down from a tree. But that's all too far into the future. Because when they hopefully move there, it'll be with the thought of their own family. And for now, she just wants to enjoy being his.

Jessica thinks she's being silly, to pin this much on what is essentially a piece of paper that gives them tax benefits, but Haley, being the youngest, sees it differently. Her parents respect each other, but they don't love each other. Not in the way they're meant to. And Aaron's parents only ever served as an example of the depths of the human capacity for hatred.

Her and Aaron love each other. In a way that is kind and gentle and respectful. In a way that is peaceful. In a way that will carry on until they're both no longer here. They love each other in the way that both sends the world spinning and slows everything down. In a way that will break the cycles of their families.

They've had it easier than some, but harder than most. She only hopes it's not all for nothing.

The sound of the bathroom door opening pulls her from her thoughts. She had assumed that her and Aaron would go straight to her apartment after the reception- she doesn't have a roommate anymore- but his mother had surprised them with a room at the fancy hotel. She would never apologise for the way she had treated Haley when they first became serious, or the way she spoke to Aaron at times, but it was something. And for that, Haley was grateful.

"Well hello there, my handsome husband," she says, unable to fight the urge.

Aaron flushes, just as brightly as he had at seventeen, and she smiles. It's just as cute. "I- hi, wonderful wife."

He's showered and changed out of his suit, just like she'd changed out of her dress. She's glad he's simply wearing sweatpants and his law school hoodie, because after wearing a dress for several hours, she couldn't bear the thought of anything other than her cotton mismatched pajamas.

Aaron's staring at her with such love and adoration in his eyes that she almost can't handle it. It's a look he only gives her when they're alone, and she likes that. It's almost like their own secret language. She smiles and laughs a little when he looks down, almost like he too can't quite believe how far they've come.

"So are you going to keep hovering there like some sort of creepy serial killer, or are you going to come and join me?" She asks.

Aaron blinks, then perches on the edge of the bed. She huffs.

"Aaron, we shared a bed when we were seventeen. It's wasn't a mistake then, so it can hardly be wrong now we're married," she says.

"Right, yeah sorry, I just-" he stops talking, suddenly afraid he's said too much. He doesn't move.

Haley sits up and moves next to him. "Just what?"

"I don't want to have sex tonight," he blurts out. His cheeks immediately flush again.

"Oh thank god, I thought you were about to say you wanted to get an annulment." Haley's not joking.

"You're not mad?"

"Honey, why would I be mad?"

"Well, everyone at work always talks about how they had- you know- on the night of their wedding, and how it was so good, and I thought you might think I was a freak if I didn't want to."

She wraps her arms around him, realising a second too late she didn't ask. He relaxes into her touch, and she uses that as her unspoken cue to shift even closer.

"Well, everyone at work always talks about how the first time was not fantastic and often awkward, so clearly someone is lying. But in all seriousness, I would never think you're a freak for not wanting to. We have the rest of our lives to do that. And if you never want to, that's okay too. I love you."

He kisses her forehead. "Love you too. Mrs Hotchner."

"I just had a terrible thought. Your mother is Mrs Hotchner."

The look of horror on Aaron's face is almost comical. "Don't ever remind me of that again."

"I won't. Are you up for cuddling and whatever is on at this time, or did you just want to sleep?" She asks.

"Sure, maybe we'll find something half-decent."

The lie down as they always have, with his head on her shoulder and her legs thrown over his. It's a strange position, but it works for them. As they settle on an episode of something called Dharma and Greg- Haley makes a note of the title because she wants to tape it, but Aaron denies any suggestion that he looks like Greg- she starts to run her hands through his hair.

Almost immediately, she finds a knot. He has the decency to look down.

"I was going to do it."

"Mhm."

"Hay, I just really hate brushing my hair. It takes so long, and it's so inconvenient and-"

"Give me your brush."

Aaron knows better than to ask her how she knows he even has one with him, and silently brings it over. She pushes him to kneel in front of the bed, sitting behind him and gently combing through his hair, only applying more force when she comes across a particularly stubborn knot.

Nobody's ever treated him with such care before. Haley knows that nobody ever taught Aaron how to brush his hair in a way that would prevent knots, so she won't judge him. She'll just calmly guide him as best she can. That's all anyone can do.

He's falling asleep by the time she finishes.

"Your hair is so soft!" She exclaims, as she runs her hand through it again, this time not coming across a single knot.

"It's all thanks to you," Aaron says.

Haley ruffles it, and it falls onto his forehead. He pouts, but she grins because she loves when his hair falls onto his face like that. It makes him look younger. More like the man she loves than the fierce agent most people know or the excellent prosecutor a few people remember.

She kisses him, and he smiles against her like he always does. And then she pulls him into the bed, and they fall asleep in each other's arms, excited for the greatest adventure of their lives.