#breakbreak

[obaex]

see you in my nightmares - rafe cameron

summary: rafe is forced to make a decision that will alter the course of your future together, but how long can he live with the consequences of his actions?

word count: 6k

warnings: angst!

soundtrack: welcome to breakbreak / kanye west + back to december / taylor swift

Maybe this is wishful thinking Probably mindless dreaming But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right

Present

"Here you go, Kelc, that's Henry and that's Emma" Topper said, pointing to the picture on his phone of your two children, one and three, with bright blonde hair, squealing with laughter at the beach. He continued to swipe through photo after photo of them playing in the sand, in the water, finally landing on a picture of you crouched in the sand with them, their arms and popsicle-stained fingers wrapped around your neck as they climbed on you, pressing kisses to your cheeks.

"Get out of here, Top, Henry is your mini me. Holy shit. It's kinda freaking me out, I'm not gonna lie" Kelce said. "He's gonna suck at golf too if you don't let Uncle Kelce show him a thing or two." He punched Topper playfully in the arm as Topper grimaced at him.

"Nah, in all seriousness, man, you've got it made. Your kids are beautiful and Y/N looks better than ever" he said, shooting Topper a knowing look, one eyebrow raised scandalously. "Being a Thornton looks good on her man, shiiiiittt" he said, still swiping through Topper's phone where he had landed on a picture Topper had snuck of you sprawled out in your bikini.

"Geezus, give that back!" Topper said, nearly launching himself at Kelce, reaching for the phone as Kelce held it out of his reach, inspiring a howl of laughter from the group of guys they were with. They whistled and cheered as Topper wrestled the phone out of Kelce's hands.

"I leave you assholes alone for a few years and this is what I come back to?" a deep voice cut through the chaos.

Kelce's eyes flickered to the voice. "Do my eyes deceive me or has the man, the myth, the legend come back to grace our presence gentlemen?" he said, relinquishing Topper's phone as he stood up to take in Rafe Cameron on the deck of the Island Club for the first time in three years.

Rafe looked older, more mature with his hair shaved, but his boyish grin still rested on his lips. He had grown into his lanky body, filling out a suit that was more expensive than Kelce could mentally calculate.

"Un-fucking-believeable, man!" Kelce said, launching himself to embrace Rafe as a few of the other guys also stood up to shake his hand and clap him on the back, launching a barrage of questions at him.

Topper hung back as the memory of what life was like the last time Rafe was on Kildare Island clawed its way to the forefront of his mind. He slipped his phone protectively into his back pocket.

"Don't let me interrupt" Rafe said as he noticed Topper's movement, "what was I missing?"

The atmosphere shifted noticeably as the rowdy group fell silent.

3 Years Ago

Rafe watched you through the sea of bodies in the backyard at Tanneyhill as you talked with Sarah and Wheezie at their family barbeque. He watched your eyes shimmer and your lips curve into a perfect smile as you laughed at something his sisters had said, his ears straining over the music for a chance to hear that perfect sound that made his heart dance. He took in your sundress, draped over your shoulders, sitting perfectly on your tanned skin. After almost five years together, he could never get enough of you, could never wrap his head around how beautiful you were, how lucky he was to be yours. You lifted your eyes, scanning the crowd, searching for him and when they rested on him it was like fireflies in his stomach to see your face light up for him. You looked at him with such admiration, joy and happiness. He smiled broadly at you and stood to make his way over to you just as Topper joined your group, jumping into your conversation with his sisters and stealing your attention away to offer you a big hug.

Rafe hung back for just a second longer, watching the way Topper listened to Sarah but continued to shoot sidelong glances at you that went unnoticed, eyes shifting to your profile, your sundress. Rafe knew that tactic, knew that look in Topper's eyes because it was the same damn way he looked at you. His feet were moving before he could register what he was going to say or do. He tried to gather himself as he sidled into your group and slid a hand around your waist, pulling you flush against him. Topper had the decency to look embarrassed as he blushed and cleared his throat before sticking his hand out. "Good to see you, man" he said.

"You too, Top" Rafe said, eyes narrowed.

The next morning, Topper was long off of Rafe's mind as he lay in bed and watched the early morning sun shine through the blinds in his room, casting spotlights of warmth on your bare back as he drank you in, thinking not just for the thousandth time how lucky he was to have you curled up beside him, tangled in his sheets that now smelled permanently like you, like a perfect summer day. His heart warmed at the sight of you. You were everything that was perfectly right in his life. He felt himself orbiting around you, drawn to you like the moon draws the tides.

You shifted slightly in your sleep, letting out a contented sigh that was both extremely cute and undeniably sexy at the same time, making him smile. His mind drifted to the ring in the velvet box stashed at the top of his closet. His heart raced at the idea of making you his. His fingers twitched, aching to run his hands over you and eventually his urge won out as he moved his fingers over your back and pulled you gently against his chest, nuzzling into your neck. You let out a sweet laugh that coated him like hot honey as you turned around and buried yourself in his chest, nuzzling him back as his warm arms wrapped snuggly around you. This is heaven on earth he thought.

Present

Topper stood, his hand outstretched, ever the gentleman, as he attempted to change the topic. "It's good to see you, Rafe, welcome back, man."

Rafe took Topper's hand in his strong grip, nodding again to Topper's phone, "well, don't leave me hanging, are you going to show me what had everyone so riled up?"

3 Years Ago

"Sit" Ward said, gesturing to one of the leather arm chairs in his office as he walked to a side table to pour two drinks.

"Dad, I can't, I'm on my way to pick up Y/N, we have reservations in 20 minutes."

"She's what I want to talk to you about, son."

His father had never offered to talk about anything that didn't have to do with work. Rafe's chest bloomed with the idea that he wanted to have a conversation about you, that Ward was finally coming to understand how important you were to him.

He placed the drink in front of Rafe without meeting his eyes. "I know about the ring" he said simply.

Rafe's head shot up at that. He didn't think anyone knew about that, purposely taking a trip to the jeweler on the mainland alone, spending an entire afternoon picking out what was just right for you. As Rafe was getting ready to ask, Ward simply held up his hand, whisking away the question in a gesture that said Of course I know, I know everything.

"Son, man to man, I'm telling you, this isn't a good idea."

"What?!" Rafe said, anger and shock roiling in him, so taken aback at where this conversation was headed he stood to his feet.

"You love her, that's plain to see, Rafe. Which is why I know you'll do the right thing. She's a good girl, Rafe, a sweet girl, she deserves someone that can give her the future she deserves. Someone with... fewer skeletons in their closet." Silence fell heavily between them as Rafe met his eyes in a cold stare. They had never spoken about Peterkin directly or indirectly since it had happened. Ward moved to his desk, pulling out what looked to be a tape recorder and pressed play. Gavin's voice rang clearly, "...He's protecting his son. It was Rafe Cameron that killed Sheriff Peterkin."

Rafe nearly dropped the glass of bourbon in his hand, managing to set it down at the last minute. "W-What are you doing with that?" he asked, gesturing manically to the tape recorder, his voice rising in panic. "Dad, what the fuck is that, what are you doing?!"

"I'm not doing anything, Rafe" he said as he slid the tape recorder back into his desk drawer. "This tape will never be played for anyone else. I want to be sure of that. I want you to help me be sure of that. I need you focused now more than ever, focused on the company, not focused on Y/N. You know what you need to do." And with that, he waved Rafe out of his office.

Rafe stumbled into the hallway, shutting the door behind him, his hands shaking as he shoved the heel of his palms into his eyes. He could feel the sweat gathering at the base of his neck as he began to pace, his mind going a mile a minute.

What Ward hadn't considered was the fact that Rafe had already told you. He'd told you everything, about his drug addiction, about Peterkin, about the darkest parts of his soul... and you had stayed with him through it all, through rehab, through recovery, through finding a way to forgive himself. But all of that was before the threat Ward had just dangled in front of him, the threat that he would ruin Rafe's future and by extension your own, that one day he could hand that recording in and you would be left alone, abandoned as Rafe spent the rest of his life in prison. "She's a good girl, Rafe, a sweet girl, she deserves someone that can give her the future she deserves." He swallowed the bile in his throat as he realized his dad was right.

He felt his phone buzz in his pocket and he swiped it open to see an incoming text from you.

He spent several minutes thinking about how to reply before typing out, "Hey, sorry, something came up, can we reschedule?"

Present

Topper cleared his throat. If he had known Rafe was coming tonight, he wouldn't be here.

His phone burned in his pocket with the pictures of you, his wife with his children. Rafe had lost the right to ask about you 3 years ago. Rafe's gaze was on Topper, unblinking, like a dare. Topper's mind raced with an excuse, a response, another way to change the topic of conversation when his thoughts were interrupted by a soft voice.

"Topper?"

The group turned as you walked through the door, cradling your daughter in one arm and holding your son by the other hand.

Rafe's head snapped to you, drinking in the sight of you while desperately trying to piece together what was in front of him, head turning from you to Topper and back again like he was watching a tennis match only he could see.

"Guys, I am so sorry to interrupt, I know it's boys' night" you said.

Topper brushed past Rafe and walked hastily over to you, pressing a kiss to your cheek. "Everything okay?" he asked quietly.

You continued talking to Topper, eyes trained on his face, a soft smile on your lips that Rafe swore at one time was reserved only for him. He tried to hear what you were saying but the blood in his head was rushing so loudly, it made it sound like everything around him was underwater. All he could do was stare, mouth agape, at the child in your arms and the other by your side. They looked so much like you. They had your eyes and your freckles, even the outline of your nose; it made his heart physically ache. But they also looked like Topper, especially your son who Topper had bent over to pick up and who was hugging him around his neck. The world started to spin as Rafe tugged at his collar, trying to get air in his lungs as he took in the future he would never have with you. He was desperately searching for some sort of explanation, for something that wasn't exactly what was right in front of his eyes.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" he said finally, louder than he had intended to as everyone turned to look at him.

You could hear a pin drop.

He wanted to be angry, he was angry. He thought about all the times Topper had ogled you, even when you were his. He wanted to punch Thornton so hard he would never wake up, his fists clenching in response. But more than anger, he felt a deep deep sadness and remorse that sat like an anvil on his chest. His breathing became erratic and before he could control his emotions he started to cry. To cry. He didn't even have the wherewithal to feel embarrassed, too overwhelmed by the picture of the family in front of him, the family that should have been his.

He could feel himself coming undone like buttons flying off a too-tight jacket one at a time. Plink-plink-plink.

You looked at him strangely, your movements, your eyes, your voice devoid of emotion, like you had just noticed he was standing there. "Rafe, are you okay?" you asked.

Rafe's own anguished cries woke him up as his eyes shot open. He was breathing heavily and sweat coated his skin. He sat up, physically clawing at the pain and heaviness in his chest as he looked around and tried to remember where he was. A clock blinked on the bedside table: 4:37 AM. His mind frantically tried to figure out his surroundings. He was in bed. He was in bed in a hotel room, in New York City. He was in bed...

It was a fucking dream?

It felt so real he could feel the tears burning behind his eyes and despite the minutes that passed, he couldn't slow down his racing heart, gasping for breath as he untangled from the sheets and slid onto the floor, head in his hands. Memories that he had tamped so far down into his conscious that he was surprised they were still accessible flew to the surface...

3 Years Ago

You were crying.

You were crying so hard that Rafe didn't know what to do. Every fiber of his being ached to pull the words he had just said back into his mouth, to swallow them whole, to undo the last 20 minutes, to pull you into his arms, but he couldn't. I can't be with you anymore he lied. I don't love you he lied. We don't want the same things he lied and he lied and he lied.

You were so confused, so upset. You begged him, you pleaded with him to give you another chance, thinking you had done something wrong. You promised you would change, promised you would be better and that was when he had finally had enough, unable to take it anymore. He stood up, leaving you alone on your couch and walked out your front door without any further explanation.

He barely made it out of your driveway before his tears caught up with him and he slammed his fist repeatedly on the steering wheel in frustration. He didn't make it another 10 minutes before he had to pull over and get physically sick on the side of the road at the thought of what he had just done.

She deserves better he told himself then. She deserves better he told himself every moment since then.

Present

Rafe had spent every single day trying to forget you as he moved out of North Carolina, resigning himself to a life spent travelling from hotel to hotel, city to city, responsible for the expansion of Cameron Development, which was booming. He worked 75-hour weeks, throwing himself into work as a way to forget. To forget the feeling of your fingers tangled in his hair, shaving it in a desperate attempt to help. To forget the taste of your lips on his, your soft skin under his touch, the way you looked at him and only him, like he was your whole world. The way you loved his sisters, the ring he had bought for you, the dreams you had shared of a family, of a life together, of the way you had loved him when he was unlovable.

He sat on the floor for hours, letting himself feel the things he hadn't let himself even think about in three years through sobbed breaths, living, reliving and killing his own dreams.

Finally, as the sun rose, he grabbed his phone and called Kelce.

"Rafe Cameron? To what do I owe the pleasure, my man, how's it going?"

"Hey Kelc" Rafe said, clearing his throat, his voice still thick with emotion that he was trying to hide. "I uh I'm thinking about coming back into town. Look, this is random, but, Y/N, is she with anybody?"

There was a long pause. Rafe held his breath.

"Rafe, I don't think it's my place to say anything. If you want to talk to her, you can come see her for yourself. But.... I can't promise she'll even speak to you... after everything. She's working at the law firm on Calhoun Street."

Rafe said goodbye, hung up and began packing.

He spent the entire flight and the 40-minute drive from the airport in a daze, trying to think about what to say, what he could possibly say to you. As his truck wound down the familiar roads of Kildare Island, he was overwhelmed with memories, the restaurant he had taken you to for your first date, your favorite place to get ice cream, the beach where you'd kissed him for the first time. He shook his head, trying to right his mind as he pulled onto Calhoun Street, realizing he hadn't made any progress in what he wanted to say. He hadn't slept, hadn't eaten; he caught a glimpse of himself in the rearview mirror, taking in his bloodshot eyes and wrinkled shirt. He looked like shit, but he had already wasted years getting here, years making his own life into a disaster, he wasn't going to wait any longer.

He stepped out of the car and began walking towards the law offices when he heard the unforgettable, unmistakable sound of your laugh that pierced his heart and nearly brought him to his knees. He turned to see you walking up the sidewalk with a young boy in your arms, deeply focused on what he was saying as he babbled and played with a loose strand of your hair.

His heart plummeted into his stomach. I'm too late he thought.

He was standing there, unmoving, eyes transfixed on you.

As you got closer, his figure caught your attention and unlike in his dream, you noticed him immediately. You stopped in your tracks, like you had walked into a brick wall, your eyes widening in recognition.

Rafe Cameron.

Rafe Cameron was here. Rafe Cameron was on Kildare Island and he was standing in front of you, staring at you. Your body shut down like it was in self-preservation mode at the memory of what he had done, and the words he had said the last time you'd seen him. You couldn't move, you couldn't speak, you didn't know what to do. He had taken your whole heart with him when he left and even though 3 years had gone by, even though you had desperately tried to move on, even though you had made significant progress, seeing him made you feel like you were right back on that day, like a vase he had knocked over, shattering into a thousand pieces that would never be fully right again no matter how many times you tried to reconfigure it.

Rafe wiped his hand over his mouth and walked over to you as your heart pounded relentlessly in your chest.

"Hey, h-how are you doing?" he asked.

How am I doing?! You destroyed my life, broke my heart and now you're back 3 years later and want to know 'how I'm doing?' You thought bitterly. You swallowed your feelings, unwilling to let him see how much he still affected you.

He looked nervous, jittery, anxious, his eyes flickering between your face and the boy in your arms and your heart squeezed for a moment at the idea that he might be using again. That, at least, would be a plausible explanation for this ridiculous situation.

"I-I'm okay" you said. The boy in your arms had started to wiggle and you set him down. "Hey, sweetie, why don't you run inside, okay? I'll be right there." The little boy eyed Rafe skeptically before making his way inside.

Rafe cleared his throat as his eyes followed him. "He's-he's sweet" he managed to eke out.

You smiled, looking after the boy affectionately, "He's a handful, but I do what I can to help Rachel out."

Rafe's eyes shot back to you, pointing between you and the door the boy had just gone through, desperately trying to put the pieces together, praying he had heard you right but forbidding himself to get his hopes up.

"Wait, he's not - you're not?" he said, gesturing.

"What? No!" you said, fighting back the tone of offense. Like Rafe had any right to know anyway.

Suddenly, Rafe grabbed your left hand, eyes shooting to your ring finger, which sat bare.

Your hand tingled at the feeling of his warm touch, but you managed to gather yourself quickly, pulling your hand back.

Rafe looked confused, eyes shifting to yours and then away quickly. "I-I thought...Topper...I didn't know...."

"We...dated...." you replied, clocking the tick in Rafe's clenched jaw in response. "It didn't work out."

He wasn't you you thought. Nobody is you and that's the problem.

Rafe turned his back to you and began to walk away, running his hand through his short hair before turning back around, chewing on his thumbnail, startling you with the look in his eyes that were pained, anguished with something else running deep below the surface that you didn't want to linger on.

"Go out with me tonight" he said after a moment.

"What?!" you spat, exasperated.

WHAT!!!!!!!!!! your mind screamed.

"Please, just give me a chance to explain."

"Rafe, I don't know what you could possibly have to say at this point" you replied quickly. You could feel your emotions bubbling up. You needed to get far, far away from him as you felt your resolve begin to crumble. "I don't think that's a good idea."

"Please Y/N, I'm begging you. Please. One night. No expectations at all. You can walk away after that, I will completely understand."

Silence.

He took a step closer to you, his voice low as he whispered, "I know I have no right to ask you for anything, but please just give me this."

No, no, no, no, no, no your mind echoed on repeat.

"Okay" you whispered back.

Rafe entered the side door of Tanneyhill quietly, pleasantly surprised that his key still worked. There weren't any cars in the driveway, he hadn't told anyone he was coming home, but he didn't want to take any chances.

He wandered the hallways quietly, equal parts surprised and unsurprised that little-to-nothing had changed in his long absence as he made his way to father's office.

For so long he had cowered in fear of this room, this man, of the threat that hung over him like a guillotine. Not anymore. Let Ward do his worst. He wasn't a little boy anymore. If Ward swung, he would swing right back. He itched to, in fact, as he thought about the conversation three years ago in this very place that had stolen everything from him. He quickly pulled open the drawers of the large mahogany desk, rummaging through the contents before he found what he was looking for.

To Ward's credit, the tape recorder was covered in dust and looked unused and unplayed, buried at the back of the drawer. Rafe set it down on top of the desk and glared at it, reliving momentarily the mistake he had made years ago, deep in the midst of his drug addiction in an effort to save his father, to save his family. He reached for the lamp on the desktop and brought it forcefully down on top of the tape recorder, sending bits of plastic pieces flying onto the floor and across the desk as he nearly ripped the lamp out of the wall, pounding it over and over and over again until all that was left were indistinguishable shredded pieces of plastic and the dented mahogany. Rafe was breathing heavily, his breaths coming in and out shakily as he felt tears burning in his throat, promising himself that he would become more than his mistakes.

After a long shower and a longer nap, Rafe's head was more clear than it had been in weeks in terms of his priorities. Nothing mattered more than you, nothing had ever mattered more than you and he was going to do everything he could to make you see that.

As he navigated to your house to pick you up, he couldn't help but think of the date that he never should have cancelled and how different his life would have been if he had chosen to go out with you that night instead.

You looked achingly, stunningly beautiful in an open-backed dress that teased your tan skin. For years, he hadn't let himself think about how beautiful you were and now that you were in his front seat, riding shotgun where you belonged, he could barely keep his eyes on the road. The drive was silent but for the quiet scratch of the radio. The entire way he stole sidelong glances at you that he hoped went unnoticed, but brought a blush to your cheeks all the same as you desperately tried to keep your own eyes facing forward. His gaze felt like the sun's rays on a hot summer day, as it traced your long eyelashes, your lips, your everything.

You didn't let yourself think too long about the way your body felt under the warmth of his blue eyes.

He didn't let himself think too long about the fact that you had dressed up for him.

Dinner was nice... but awkward. Rafe hated himself for that. He hated the awkwardness and the tension that simmered beneath the surface of every conversation. Things between you two had never been awkward, ever. You were like his second half. You used to be so at ease with each other, life with you was so effortless. It was evident that your guard was still up, so he kept the conversation light, asking about work, your family, your friends, desperate to learn everything new about you that he had missed, like a little kid trying to put together the last pieces of their favorite puzzle.

He managed to make you laugh. Twice. It made him feel like the king of the universe and he tried desperately to keep that smile on your face for the rest of the night; something that used to be second nature to him, now a battle every step of the way.

After dinner, you both stepped outside into the night and a cool breeze tickled your skin, making you shiver. Rafe reached out a hand instinctively to warm you, but pulled back at the last minute, balling his hands into fists at his side.

"Take a walk with me?" he asked, knowing he was on borrowed time at this point, as the night was coming to an end.

You took a deep breath and looked around, trying to think of an excuse, any excuse not to, but you couldn't deny that some part of you was enjoying this; the sweet pain and sweet pleasure of having Rafe back, if only for a moment, like holding a firefly in your hand, brief, fleeting. You knew how this was going to end: you, alone again, back to square one, picking the pieces of your heart up off the ground. But, you wanted to pretend, you wanted to keep living in this make-believe world where the past 3 years hadn't happened for a little while longer.

You looked at him and the way his midnight blue eyes traced your face and you cursed yourself for the unwarranted tenderness you had towards him, would always have towards him, despite everything. You nodded, and followed him to the nearby pier.

You walked side by side for awhile, the only people on the otherwise abandoned walkway; your only company the sound of the waves that lapped against the boats in the water and against the dock. What once would have been a comfortable silence between you felt thick and heavy, weighed down with 3 years' worth of unspoken words and two broken hearts. You bit your lip softly to keep from crying as your emotions caught up with you and your mind whirled. Rafe stopped walking beside you and turned to face you.

You realized looking at him now that ever since he'd come back, he'd looked uncharacteristically nervous and unsteady. The Rafe you knew, or thought you knew, was always confident, self-assured, cocky even. Now Rafe's unease matched your own, putting you further on edge.

"T-thanks for agreeing to this tonight. I don't even know where to begin to explain myself" he said, looking around, avoiding your eye contact.

"Look, I'm a grown man, I've made my own decisions and I know I have to live with that but... fuck... FUCK." He began to unravel quickly as his breaths came out heavy and he pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes and began to pace.

"Rafe" you said, reaching for him before you knew what you were doing, the instinct to comfort him wound so tightly in your DNA.

"I was gonna ask you to marry me" he said, pulling his hands away from his face to find yours.

Your head spun in confusion and you felt your dinner lurch in your stomach.

"What?" you whispered, your voice wavering.

"My dad knew it. He... threatened me.... he told me you deserved better and the more I thought about it the more I realized he was was fucking right. You are such a good person. Honestly? You're the best person that I know. You had no business being with me. I was living on borrowed time with you as it was and-and I wasn't going to resign you to a life like that, with me. You deserve so much more than to settle for second best, for someone with so much bullshit in his past. A recovering drug addict? A murderer?" he said as he shook his head strongly and tears spilled from his eyes, "I wasn't going to do that to you."

"Rafe you were 19, you were high, you weren't in your right mind. It was a mistake, a horrible mistake, but you have to forgive yourself, you can't let that hang over you anymore."

Your heart and your mind were racing with each other to try to sort out everything he had just said to you. He wanted to marry you? What he was saying now was in such stark contrast to everything he had said then... that he didn't love you... that you wanted different things.... Your own tears bubbled over at the memory and you wiped at them furiously, even though they wouldn't stop.

Rafe hated to see you cry. He hated himself more for making you cry, again.

"And here I am making a fucking mess of it all anyway, just like he said I would" he said as he looked at you. "I'm sorry. God, I'm so sorry, baby" he said, stepping forward like he wanted to comfort you as he watched you begin to cry in earnest, his term of endearment tearing open your wounded heart. He pulled himself back, both of you stuck in limbo, your emotions spilling out in front of you, unsure of how to act on them.

Rafe continued to ramble, like his explanations could dry your tears, "I tried so hard to tell myself I was doing the right thing, that you'd be happier without me. Shit, maybe you are!--" he said, throwing his hands up in frustration.

I'm not you thought, I am so desperately not.

"--But I had to come back here and tell you that I never stopped loving you. Not for one minute. I didn't mean anything I said back then. I missed you with every part of me. I-I haven't been with anyone else. I couldn't. They weren't you. It felt awful.... You're it for me. You always have been, you always were" he choked on his last words as he rubbed the back of his hands over his eyes in an attempt to stop his own tears now as he whispered in a grovelled voice, "You're my girl. I wanted... want..." he stumbled over his words, his breathing erratic, "Want you to be my wife. I want the future we always talked about babygirl, you, me, our family..."

You tried and failed to hold back a sob as you covered your face and turned away from him, your stomach in knots. You were having trouble breathing and you couldn't compose yourself under his gaze, not when he was saying things like that.

He was quiet for a moment.

"Fuck" he said quietly. "This was so selfish. I shouldn't have said anything. I-I just had this dream about you..." you turned around to face him as he continued, "...you had moved on, and I just thought if I got to you before it was too late maybe by some miracle, by some gift of God you would give me a second chance. But, I think I know that's too far gone now. You've built an amazing life for yourself, sweet girl, you don't need me."

He looked earnestly, deeply at you, his own face scrunched as the tears rolled down his face. "But God I am so sorry baby, I am so so sorry for what I did" he said, he flexed his fingers desperately wanting to reach for you again, to comfort you.

If anyone asked you later how or why the next few minutes unraveled the way they did, you wouldn't have had an answer for them. Sometimes, there is no answer for the way two hearts, two souls respond to each other. There wasn't a plausible way for you to make a decision about anything, your head was swimming with your tears and as you struggled to catch you breath, you met Rafe's eyes with your own. And like so many of the nights you had spent missing him, the only thing you wanted, the only thing you craved was to feel his arms around you, for him to tell you that everything was going to be okay, that he was sorry, that he didn't mean it, that he wanted you back.

So, you let yourself have it.

You stepped forward and you buried your head into his chest, arms curling around him, grabbing the back of his suit jacket like a lifeline.

He was frozen to the spot and you squeezed your eyes shut as your whole body shook with your cries before he tentatively, gently put his arms around you. When you didn't flinch or step away, he pulled you in deeper, nuzzling into your neck. "M'sorry, I'm so sorry" he whispered over and over and over again as he rocked you gently back and forth.

Eventually, you put your arms around his neck and he could feel your hot breath and your warm tears against him. He could have fallen to his knees. As it was, he was having a hard time keeping himself steady at the feeling of you pressed against him, trying to figure out what it all meant. For now, he wasn't going to question it, he was going to take it one step at a time.

EPILOGUE - 2 Years Later

Rafe was at the sink washing dishes when he heard you padding up behind him in your bare feet. When he turned to look at you, his soul melted.

You were cradling your son in your arms who was just waking up from a nap. His blue eyes were just like his dads as they fluttered open, his head resting on your shoulder as he clung to you. You brushed his bright blonde hair out of his eyes and the ring on your finger that had sat for so long in Rafe's closet caught the sunlight. It looked perfect on you, just like he knew it would.

You were smiling down at your son before you looked up at Rafe and he smiled back at you, shaking his head, thinking how lucky he was to finally, finally be living his dream. You smiled at him, that smile that was his and his alone that felt like the first touch of the sun on a spring day as he reached down to kiss you softly, sweetly. "I love you, Mama" he said as he wrapped one hand around your waist and the other rested against your growing belly.

taglist: @ietss, @gillybear17, @palmwinemami, @sweetestdesire, @softcoremaybank, @diary-of-jj, @m-indkiller, @underscorebabbabybabay

[tiedankelstotheocean]

Man Suang Live Reaction

HEAVY SPOILER ALERTS!!!

That creepy guy from the beginning I'm kinda glad he's dead.

Wan you poor dumb boy why did you pull the knife

The intro song is epic

Damn Be on Cloud can you say Production Value!! The extras and the market sets!

Yo looser your creep nephew wasn't killed by them.

TTTTOOOONNNNGGG!! Looking fine baby that opium pipe is beautiful.

Poor Wan I want to give him a hug.

Ohh that reaction is Wan related to the Chinese gangsters.

Again Production value come through!

God even laying there Apo is beautiful.

That scene was a tad overacted.

MIIIILLEEEE or should I say.... CHATRA!!

Kitty!!!😻 Also Mile is beautiful

The dance teacher is so pretty

Oooh I see Chatra is interested... A self-trained dancer

Sir you're supposed to be undercover what see you fighting?

Tong look at you. I need him to play more serious dramas, look at him he's so elegant.

So Tong is Khun Hong.

I like the lord he's quietly menacing. Though leave Khem alone.

Ouch!

Pretty!!!

Look at him dance.

Right Miss pretty teach he's wonderful

Go Chatra with the drums.

You know they said Chatra acts sort if regal what if he's related to prince in some way. Maybe he's the prince?

Yay the official dance

PING!!

Hey the other dancer is pretty.

Yes Lord be smitten

Yeah baby boy you can do as you please. Shes right and you're undercover again!!!

Oh why are there so many creeps around our pretty boy??

Kitty, cheer him up.

Oh my god it's happening!!

You did a good job today 😭

You did a good job again 😭😭😭😭

You know for now hit him (but don't you're undercover)

Yes no whoreophobia in this house

Oh you didn't just hit Wan that's my child. Fuck them up.

Yes Chatra!!

Miss teach make them walk through coals.

Oh look it's our boys.. So cute

He is charming right.

Ok who the fuck is in charge of this translation copulate, bollocks? Even for someone who spent 6 years in Scotland it's a bit eh.

Okay Chatra is definitely important

Okay this scene is cute but the pacing feels a tad off.

Ok we're back the pacing feels right again cute but I'd have shortened the scene and skipped to this part.

Yeah I loved this scene if have played the other scene with the treasure a lot more serious

Okay Chatra might not be trusted.

Oh I have the same coffee shot cups. They're great for Ethiopian brew.

Investigation time

Oh my god well that's a gruesome way to go.do we think Khun Hong is behind this?

Yeah now he isnt!

Poor Wan

Okay I want Bas to play a very serious drama I mean breakbreak and crying serious.

Poor wan again dude please calm down

ping!

Oh no Wan.

But seriously I want Bas in a serious drama Make it happen BOC give him something to cry in.

Also why Wan what about Khem?

You know nothing Khun Heng!

BOC give Tong the Leading man status.

Noooooooo Khun Hong!!!!

Khun Hong 😭😭😭😭.

Chatra!! What the fuck?????????

Goddamn Chatra!

I mean you couldn't have said that before pulling a gun on him??

Oh god no.

Yeah Wens gonna loose it.

Tiang you bitch I know you're somehow involved in this.

I really like the villain I want to see him in more things.

Okay Tiang may not be as involved as I thought but he's still a bitch that killed his brother (and father).

TOOOOOONNNNNGG. Yes baby girl!

But that looser ass bitch up.

Yes plans plans baby

Yeah great fight a tab over acted again (some strange director decisions here).

Wan, please don't betray Khem both sides are shit here.

Apoo god he's so pretty here.

Way to make an entrance baby.

Yeah the rose is hitting me hard now

Are you sure that the ciggies aren't laced with opium? Wan seems to loose it whenever he smokes

Yes Tong for the drama!!!!!

Oh no Wan please.

Hahahhaba that superhero ass battle stations pose.wtf was that?

Ok mr overactor. Tiang pleasr leave.

Ahh the one-handed gun operation I lothe well comeback.

Not Hong leave Wan be!

No wan I want to give him a hug 😭😭😭😭😭

Waaaaaan.....noooooooooooo

And a happy ending was had (for some baby boy wan well)

Well I am to drunk to write more so lookout got my final thoughts and writing tomorrow but I'll leave you with that Bas surprised me the most and I want more of him!!!

Night everyone

[loreih]

Riddle me this

Riddle me that

Whose afraid of the big bad blunt?

Amen breakAmenbreakAmenbreakbreakbreakAmenAmenAmenbreakbreakAmenAmenbreakbreakAmenAmenbreakAmenAmenAmenAmenAmenbreakbreakbreakbreakAmenAmenbreakAmenAmenbreakAmenAmenbreakAmenAmenbreakAmenAmenAmenAmenbreakAmenbreakAmenAmenbreakAmenAmenbreakAmenAmenbreakAmenAmenbreakbreak

Woo

AmenAmenbreakAmenbreakAmenAmenbreakAmenAmenbreakAmenbreakAmenbreakAmenbreakAmenAmenbreakbreakbreakbreakbreakbreakbreakAmenAmenbreakAmenAmenbreakAmenbreakAmenAmen

[shortcakezzzz]

got my first breakbreak ever

im never existing ever again

[catbuppy]

gasping for air and holding tight to ur partner going "breakbreak break wanna pause" and they stop moving for a bit while u catch ur breath and it's just a quiet moment of dizzying hormones and their warm breath and getting lost in their scent

just mindless rutting and friction making. not much talking except for "want u! want u! want u!" and disorganized moans and begging to kiss

[theonehotnews]

Michael Che Gets His Own HBO MAX Show + Idris Elba Inks First-Look Deal With Apple more news -> www.onehot.news

[krishnasonza]

Sit.Sit. Windows and (edge of) Balconies are my favorite seating spots in Bindum; ever since. I worried my colleagues, big brothers, and “inays” back then, coz some are quite high to fall from. Some things never change. #SitSit #BreakBreak #Bukidnon2019 #Bindum2019 #BukidnonHangover #Latergram (at Malaybalay, Bukidnon) https://www.instagram.com/p/B2lG2DKpXwDG12J5r-YqKDLK--SXy2xJ1jZONI0/?igshid=vk9bo2h4vshy

[trustxnoxone]

🤑Call Me…

[cherubsoda]

i should work on canon aizen stuff but hes a bitch and a whore and i cant take it

[adridwitomo]

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Adri Dwitomo (@adridwitomo)

#BreakBreak Acoustic at Akustik+ Watch the full video and mash dat Like! Link in my bio! #sadboys #emo #acoustic #srbreakbreak

[jossambird]

give us amnesiac ingo breakbreak ronnie pretty please 💞

Thy wish is my command ❤️

Ingo x F!Reader

Warnings: Angst. Mentions of Pregnancy, mourning, lemon, slight N/SFT, Minors DNI. Happy Ending?

Words: 1.7k

Lets start with a Slow love story: you fall into Hisui, become the Star of The Team Galaxy Survey Corps and save the world, Saviour of Hisui.

You and Ingo had grown closer during your time there, bonding over being strangers in an unfamiliar time. When he stands at the Training Grounds, waiting for a trainer to approach him, he cant help but find himself looking for a glimpse of you on the Jubilife Village roads. Its not uncommon for Rei to wander close to him, teasing him and asking if hes looking for you before benevolently giving Ingo a hint of where you are that day.

When Ingo imagined himself falling in love with someone, he imagined it to be something to slowly creep its way into his heart, and not like it was now: a flurry of emotions and racing heartbeats, hands growing clammy whilst you walked beside him, regaling him of your latest adventures. You had always been beautiful in his eyes, far too beautiful for someone like him.

It ate at his insides like a Parasect, coursing through his veins and just like that, in that very moment as he watched you look up at the moon, Ingo knew. Knew he was done for, hands itching to touch you, feel your skin under his palms, feel the goosebumps rise up your arms. To his knowledge, atleast in Hisui, he had never been a physical person, always keeping his hands to himself but at this very moment, Warden Ingo felt the pangs of just how touch starved he had become.

Months passed, your friendship evolving more and more. Ingo had convinced himself he would rather stay quiet about his adoration for you instead of confessing and being rejected, ruining perhaps any chance he had with you.

He should have expected though that you would know, seeing how flustered and nervous he had begun acting around you; keeping a safe distance between the two of you whenever you walked together, curt short responses when you teased him, asking what type of partner he liked.

You had been the one to show up at his tent during the middle of the night, snow storm raging behind you as you knocked at his door. He had answered and let you in, trying to act normal, offering you tea or water.

“Fuck me instead.” You drawled out, voice dripping in need and desire, hands pulling away your coat to reveal disheveled clothes, practically hanging off of you as if you had boarded Braviary in a rush.

From that day forward, Warden Ingo spent his nights in your tender and adoring hold. Some nights he found himself simply wanting to hold you close, careful to not rub against your newest cuts and bruises.

Other nights, he found himself jerking off to the memory of your body, moans and groans spilling from his lips.

On nights when you were in his arms, he worshipped your body, teeth and lips softly nipping and kissing wherever they can. He held your thighs, softly slamming himself into your heated core.

Thankful was he for Palina’s help in finding preservatives, trying to remember how many times he had spilt himself inside of you. It left him feeling all sorts of emotions, wondering if you would ever be opposed to having children with him. The very thought led to a night filled with promises of eternal lasting love whispered against your skin, begging to hear you call out his name.

——————

One fateful morning after having spent the night fully consumed in everything that you were, Warden Ingo of the Pearl Clan stepped out for a brief moment. Blush adorned his cheeks, mind replaying the sinful way you had called out his name during your night together. He loved you, heart nearly bursting out of his chest as he remembered you above him, whispering just how much you adored him.

Ingo would never have imagined how his day would go, never had he imagined a voice in the darkness outside of his tent beckoning him closer and closer until he free-fell into the air, landing in a dark area filled with lights-

It is Emmet who found him, Emmet that heard his long lost elder brothers cries echoing in the subway tunnel.

Ingo had found the man with the same face as his, all of his previously lost memories flooding back but it was a bitter win, knowing he had forever left another person that he loved more than life all alone in the past.

That very night, Ingo sat down and let himself go, barely keeping his composure as he recounted all of his time in Hisui to his twin. Lady Sneasler, the Pearl Clan… You.

Emmet tried his best to understand, tried to understand the pain his brother is going through; he was more than elated his elder brother was back but he saw the toll it had on him, heard the name his brother whimpered out during his nightly nightmares and the sound of crying that usually followed. He felt selfish, being overjoyed to have his brother at his side whilst his brother mourned the lose of a lover, never to see you again.

Never could anyone deny how dedicated Emmet was to his twin, trying to understand the trauma he had lived through, trying to understand the lose he felt.

It didn’t take long for Emmet to suggest they take a few weeks off, noticing how utterly defeated his brother seemed. Ingo, accompanied by Emmet, began searching museums for a glimpse of you or any information about you, heart hammering against his ribs while finding bits and pieces of the peaceful Jubilife Village.

Until one day, he finally does, hands trembling, finding a picture of you and a child…. A child with his face, staring back at him in a book. Silver eyes, white gray hair, little hands clutching at your dress, hiding behind your figure away from the photographer. Your smile shone, eyes sparkling as your hand laid on the child’s head, Lady Sneasler beside you.

“Savior of Hisui and Member of the Galaxy Team Y/N and their son Ingo.

Extinct Pokemon: Sneasler.

Not shown: Father, Warden Ingo of the Pearl Clan.”

Despair was what he felt, staring back at the image before him. You had had a child, his child. His mind flooded with thoughts, gaze growing hazy; He had missed your whole pregnancy, missed the first kicks in your stomach, missed you giving birth. Most of all, he has missed being there for you. Who had been there in his stead? Had it been the Diamond Clan Leader Adaman, who praised you at every opportunity available? Had it been the Gingko Guild member Volo, who’s eyes always followed you with ulterior motives in mind? He hoped with his heart that instead it had been your adopted father figure Professor Laventon and Rei.

Emmet watched his brother seated across from him, eyes gazing at a certain picture, fingers tracing it as if he could feel the persons warmth through the page. There they sat in silence for an hour before Emmet asked to see the book, promising to give it back. Ingo acquiesced, staring at his brother as he pulled out his phone, snapping a picture of the page.

The picture of you, his son and Lady Sneasler became his new phone background, keeping it close to his heart at all times.

——————

It was Emmet who found a boy all alone, clothes out of place, his young silver eyes gliding around the crowded subway waiting area. Emmet felt tears begin to form as the boy caught a glimpse of him, his smile all too knowing, all too wide.

Emmet knew what the boy would say but he didn’t care, bending down to one knee as the boy ran to him. A lone Pokeball seemed attached to the boys clothes, bouncing with the boys steps.

“Papa! Papa, Mama and I have been looking for you!” The boy sweetly said, little hands reaching out to touch the man’s coat, looking him over. Emmet couldn’t find it in himself to correct the boy, tears threatening to spill at the spitting image of himself and his brother standing right before him.

“Oh, Im sorry, you aren’t my Papa, you look like him very much!”

“I am Emmet! W-what is your name?” Emmet gasped, trying to keep his emotions at bay but failing, hand reaching out to hold his nephew closer.

A woman, dressed just as strangely as the boy approached, pulling the boy towards her, voice soft as you cut the conversation off.

“Ingo darling, what did I say about-“ You stopped, eyes finally landing on the man your child smiled at, pointing at him.

“Mama! Look, the man with the same face as Papa!” The boy giggled softly, hands grasping at your kimono, delight clear in his gray eyes.

You had barely had a second to understand what you were seeing before a familiar voice rang out in the crowded subway hall, loud and clear and so very beautiful, causing your heart to race.

“Emmet, where are you?” It rang out, your eyes fixating on the black hat as it approached closer, making its way-

“PAPA!” Your son cried out, running towards the oblivious man, laughing as he tackled his father’s legs and nearly causing the conductor to fall. Confusion clouded his silver eyes before looking down at the child and back up, landing finally on you.

“Hello Warden Ingo.” You whispered, words all too loud in the crowd, watching as Ingo processed what was happening. You could practically see the cogs in his mind racing, his rough hands shaking as he knelt down to the excited child.

“Come, lets go see Mama.” Ingo whispered as he pulled the boy close and stood, making his way towards you. Little hands grasped his coat in childish glee, Ingo’s heart burning with love for the child.

Ingo, unlike Emmet, let his tears fall, allowing himself to cry as you pulled him into your sweet and gentle embrace, arms around both he and his child.

“We have arrived at our final destination.” You whispered against his skin, smiling as the stoic and silent man finally truly laughed. Ingo laughed as tears continued to form and fall, hands clutching both you and his boy. Far in his mind was the fear of being stared at by passing people, too occupied in feeling your warm hold and his boy’s giggles against his chest.

Emmet simply smiled, watching his brother hold onto you as if life itself depended on it. He couldn’t help but observe you for a moment, noticing the scars along your skin, similar to the ones his brother wore. Finally, his eyes landed on your hip; wooden Pokeballs adorned your kimono, held in a similar fashion as your boy.

[randomvarious]

Ceasefire vs. Deadly Avenger - “Evel Knievel” Essential Selection, Volume One by Fatboy Slim & Paul Oakenfold Song released in 1998. Compilation released in 2000.

A great party song from the late 90s UK big beat / breakbeat scene. This one liberally samples Quincy Jones’ “Money Runner”, lifting both the bass and funky guitar. It also loops a vocal sample from Flavor Flav on Public Enemy’s “Black Steel in the Hour of Chaos”.

The song consists of two alternating pieces. One is a buildup that consists of the samples discussed above, with drum breaks, TB-303 synthesizer bass, and a sampled West Indian vocal, among other smaller effects. 

The other piece happens after the buildup and it’s more minimal An uptempo bongo sample that sounds like something from Michael Viner’s Incredible Bongo Band is the anchor, aided by cymbals and a disruptive keyboard and organ key. 

Ceasefire and Deadly Avenger fuse these two pieces together using the West Indian vocal sample as it’s heard in both pieces. Yet there’s sharp transition between the two pieces. Fatboy Slim also plays around with the filtering and the left and right channels during the first buildup.

This is great for highway driving or for a buildup track in a party mix, like right before the dance floor burner.

[spectresrisea]

anna diop as HERA SYNDULLA circa a new hope ( ft. my favorite and most breakbreaking quote from alphabet squadron )

[offshorewritings]

Wish if it's only a dream!

Wish if it’s only a dream!

I tried and triedTried to stand upUp and pretendPretend that I smileSmile even when it pains!I kept cryingCrying when no one is aroundAround with bitter memoriesMemories of you that pricksPricks every single second!I knew you were goneGone before I realizedRealized that I am aloneAlone in the middle of the seaSea that pulls me to drown!I blame myselfMyself for this breakBreak that I didn’t wish…

[laannie0803]

El príncipe Baelor Targaryen, apodado Baelor Rompelanzas, fue el hijo primogénito del rey Daeron II Targaryen y la reina Mariah Martell. A su nacimiento fue nombrado Príncipe de Rocadragón como heredero aparente de los Siete Reinos, título que ostentó junto al de Mano del Rey y Protector del Reino durante el reinado de su padre. 

Nacido en el año 170 d. C. fue nombrado en honor a Baelor el Santo, quien logro hacer la paz con Dorne casando a sus padres. Era mayor que su tía Daenerys. Tenia los rasgos típicos de los Martell, la piel olivea con los ojos y cabello oscuros. Su aspecto siempre estuvo en la mira de muchos ya que no poseía los rasgos valyrios de su padre, ni de otros familiares. A pesar de ello, Baelor siempre fue un buen guerrero y caballero. También era un hombre que podía ganarse el respeto con facilidad, y era tan generoso como su padre.

En 187 d.C. y para conmemorar el matrimonio de su tía, la princesa Daenerys y el príncipe Maron Martell, se celebró el torneo donde el príncipe Baelor se ganó el apodo de "Rompelanzas" tras derrotar, entre otros, a Daemon Fuegoscuro en la última liza.

Después de la Primera Rebelión Fuegoscuro, Baelor fue nombrado Mano del Rey por su padre y fue reconocido como una buena Mano y "el alma de la caballería." En algún momento también se le dio el título de Protector del Reino.

Baelor se caso con Jena Bondarrion y tuvieron dos hijos, Valarr y Matarys quienes fueron considerados en la linea de sucesión.

En 209 d.C., en el Torneo de Vado Ceniza, el príncipe Baelor apoyó a Ser Duncan el Alto, porque conocía al antiguo maestro de armas de Duncan, Ser Arlan del Árbol de la Moneda. Gracias a su intervención, se le permitió a Duncan competir. Durante el torneo, Ser Duncan atacó al príncipe Aerion Llamabrillante para defender a una inocente marionetista. Al día siguiente, Aerion demandó un Juicio de Siete, el que fue concedido. Con la ayuda de Egg y Ser Raymun Fossoway, Duncan pudo reclutar cinco hombres para pelear con él. Necesitaba uno más y Baelor se ofreció, pues creía en la versión de Duncan. 

El grupo de Ser Duncan ganó el juicio, pero Baelor recibió accidentalmente una herida mortal en la cabeza de parte de su hermano, el príncipe Maekar. Su cuerpo fue incinerado, de acuerdo a la tradición funeraria de la Casa Targaryen.

Poco después sus hijos y su padre terminarían muriendo por la Gran Epidemia Primaveral. El que se sento en el Trono de Hierro fue su hermano menor, Aerys.

Pudo haber sido un buen gobernante, era un gran guerrero, era carismático, inteligente y generoso. Muchos juzgaron su aspecto dorniense, pero otros estaban de acuerdo que era un gran hombre, digno de su padre.

Prince Baelor Targaryen, nicknamed Baelor Breakbreaker, was the firstborn son of King Daeron II Targaryen and Queen Mariah Martell. At his birth he was named Prince of Dragonstone as the apparent heir to the Seven Kingdoms, a title he held alongside that of Mano del Rey and Protector of the Kingdom during his father's reign.

Born in 170 AD. C. was named in honor of Baelor the Saint, who managed to make peace with Dorne by marrying his parents. He was older than his aunt Daenerys. He had the typical Martell features, olive skin with dark eyes and dark hair. His appearance was always in the sights of many since he did not have the Valyrian features of his father, nor of other relatives. Despite this, Baelor was always a good warrior and knight. He was also a man who could easily earn respect, and he was as generous as his father. In 187 A.D. and to commemorate the marriage of his aunt, Princess Daenerys and Prince Maron Martell, the tournament was held where Prince Baelor earned the nickname "Break Breaker" after defeating, among others, Daemon Firefighter in the last fight.

After the First Darkfire Rebellion, Baelor was named Hand of the King by his father and was recognized as a good Hand and "the soul of chivalry." At some point he was also given the title of Protector of the Realm. Baelor married Jena Bondarrion and they had two children, Valarr and Matarys who were considered in the line of succession.

In AD 209, at the Ash Ford Tournament, Prince Baelor supported Ser Duncan the High, because he knew Duncan's former master-at-arms, Ser Arlan of the Coin Tree. Thanks to his intervention, Duncan was allowed to compete. During the tournament, Ser Duncan attacked Shining Flame Prince Aerion to defend an innocent puppeteer. The following day, Aerion demanded a Trial of Seven, which was granted. With the help of Egg and Ser Raymun Fossoway, Duncan was able to recruit five men to fight him. He needed one more and Baelor offered, believing in Duncan's version.

Ser Duncan's group won the trial, but Baelor accidentally received a fatal head injury from her brother, Prince Maekar. His body was cremated, according to the funeral tradition of the Targaryen House.

Soon after, her children and father would end up dying from the Great Spring Epidemic. The one who sat on the Iron Throne was his younger brother, Aerys.

He could have been a good ruler, he was a great warrior, he was charismatic, intelligent and generous. Many judged his Dornian appearance, but others agreed that he was a great man, worthy of his father.

[waifufaces]

Two Chocolate sisters cook for the first time as a gift to their boss at the "Breakbreak Cafe".