#brand blanket $79 are you out of your mind

[pupkou]

why does everything have to be so expensive -_-

[ariadnes-red-thread]

The Last Word: Chapter One

CHAPTER ONE: Burn with Laughter

Prologue [Coming Soon] | Next Chapter

Series Masterlist

Pairing: Fives/OFC

Series Summary: War makes victims of everyone. This is something Mal knows too well. An enlisted civilian medic with the GAR, she's been able to rebuild with her chosen family, the Wolfpack, and she's found some semblance of peace in a shattered galaxy. But a request from the famous Captain Rex and a night out at 79's sends her world spiraling as she transfers from the 104th to the 501st and dives back into a search for answers that she had abandoned a long time ago. 

Mal’s new battalion is in the midst of a struggle of its own, having recently survived the horrors of Umbara. The cruelty of a broken Jedi has eroded the fabric of this close-knit group and left behind scars that are hard to heal. ARC Trooper Fives will do anything to protect his vode, and he's not sure if this new addition can be trusted.

Mal and Fives' struggle to save those they care about comes together in unexpected ways, and they find themselves thrust together in a battle for the future of a galaxy far, far away.

Chapter Summary: After a night out at 79′s, both Mal and Fives have to grapple with their decisions... and any feelings that remain.

Chapter Warnings: Alcohol use, Mentions of sex, Both characters made impaired decisions

Chapter Word Count: 5.4k

Recommended Listening: Dark Bird by Jake Wesley Rogers (St. Lucia Remix)

A/N: We’re finally here! I’ve spent the last few months obsessing over this series and this man, and I finally feel good enough about it to put my first chapter out into the world. Thank you so so so much to the incredible writer/friend/human @twistedstitcher27 for beta reading! You’re an angel, and your encouragement means the world :) I’ve tagged a few people who showed interest in the preview post but please join my taglist if you want to be tagged in future chapters so I’m not tagging people who don’t want to be tagged! I’m hoping to update every couple of weeks.

Ao3

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The green canopy of Takodana’s forests hung low in the rain. The heavy cascade thrummed against the leaves, plummeting from great heights to splash off of Mal. The falling water landed on her arms, her legs, and even rolled down her forehead in large, fat drops that soaked her to the bone. But the steady stream barely registered in her mind.

She was here again. 

Mal was locked in her body, just as she had been on the day that it happened. She couldn’t move. She stared into two matching pairs of green eyes, begging them to run. Begging for it to be different this time. Still, the order came, as it always did.

“Fire!”

Mal tried to scream. Nothing came out. She tried to fight. But she couldn’t. She couldn’t change what had happened. Not even in her dreams. Mal raised the blaster and aimed.

The morning sun crept across the studio apartment, ready for vengeance. It reached out with gloating first rays to prod its unwitting victim. Mal was already tossing in an uneasy slumber when the intrusion woke her. She tugged the blanket over her head to escape the sudden onslaught of light, but a quiet groan left her parched throat as she realized there was no hiding. Even though sleep was just starting to leave her body, Mal’s temples were already throbbing, an unfriendly reminder that forgetting to close the curtains had been the least of her previous evening’s offenses. With an inner voice that grew louder and louder, she started to curse the woman she had been the night before. 

As she lazed in bed for a moment, the sheet still pulled over her head, visions of the previous night’s celebrations returned one by one. 79’s. The Wolfpack. Her goodbye party. The 104th had come together to send her off and did so with their usual brand of organized chaos. There were fuzzy memories of Sinker buying rounds and rounds of spotchka, Boost trying to drag her to the dancefloor every few songs, and she quietly choked as she remembered a foolish moment where she had challenged the Commander to an arm-wrestling contest. Mal wriggled her shoulder and was almost surprised to find everything intact. Wolffe must have gone easy on her.

A first, she snorted with a slight smirk. 

Not tearing her rotator cuff was the closest that Commander Wolffe would get to being sentimental about Mal’s transfer, but she would take it for the compliment it was. She kept stretching small muscles in her body as she pieced together the rest of the night’s puzzle, the edges frayed by sleep and drink. At least, she thought as she searched for an upside to her current condition; she didn’t have to report to her new posting until the afternoon. There was still plenty of time to sweat out this hangover and put a blurry night behind her. 

Then, one memory struck her, clear and sharp as a bolt of lightning. Mal shot up in bed, spinning to look over her shoulder. In those slowed nanoseconds before she turned, Mal realized she knew exactly what would be there but still prayed that she was wrong.

She wasn’t. A naked man lay beside her with the pale green sheets tossed carelessly over his bare, tan form. The soft morning light glowed golden around him. Memories came back in swelling, unstoppable waves now. They were more than pleasant, brimming with laughter, smiles, and moans. Yet, Mal’s heart began to race, and dread rose from her stomach up to her throat as she traced her way up his sleeping form. Sheer panic finally set in when her eyes fell on his face. He was a clone.

Fuck.

Mal scrambled out of bed, immediately tangling herself in the sheets and plunging to the floor, the durasteel chilly as it smacked against her bare skin. She was naked, she realized, but this new fact didn’t slow her flight. In a moment, she righted herself, fleeing to the fresher though a haze of alarm and sleep that hadn’t quite worn off.

Mal slammed her palm against the fresher door. The hydraulics moved at their usual speed, but every second was a lifetime. Finally, she could slip through the just barely big enough gap. Mal pinned herself to the wall as the door slid shut again behind her. She quickly locked the door after it sealed as if a sheet of durasteel could protect her from her bad decisions. She threw herself over the sink, flipping on the water before gripping the bowl’s edges.

After letting the water run for a moment, Mal cupped her hands under the sink, collecting a pool in her palms. She closed her eyes and splashed the water onto her face with a quick flick of her hands. As soon as the cool liquid met her skin, she sighed. 

Mal let the water run down her face and along her neck in gentle, forgiving paths for a moment before her eyes fluttered open and snapped to the mirror. She glared at the woman staring back at her, loose red hair flying in every direction and green eyes ringed by smeared make-up. She knew better than to sleep with a clone. Mechanics and techs were okay, and, Maker, there was a whole planet of men out there who weren’t in the GAR. No Jedi, no medics, and especially no clones. Those were the rules of engagement.

Amal Darroch, you grade-A idiot, she grumbled to herself as she scowled at her reflection. Kriff a senator next time.

Mal closed her eyes again, raising her hands to rub her pounding temples with her thumbs. The pressure began to soothe her headache. Next, she turned her attention to her breathing. 

In.

She let her mind follow the meandering crystal trail of water that still trickled along her chest.

Out.

Her breathing slowed. There was no reason to panic. She had made a mistake, but it would be okay.

Even as Mal tried to tell herself that, dread still roiled in the pit of her stomach. She knew all of the reasons that sleeping with a clone was a mistake. She was a civilian medic for the GAR, after all. She had served alongside the clones for almost two years now. They were her patients, her coworkers, and, more than anything else, her friends. The 104th was the closest she had to a family. Sleeping with one of their brothers was a line she never wanted to cross.

Then there was the position that the clones found themselves in, trapped in service to a Republic that often saw them as little more than cannon fodder. She knew what it was like to be seen as a pawn, and her privilege as a citizen was something she didn’t take lightly. And then, of course, tied into all of the other reasons, there was Tye. That was still too sore to touch, but it was there, floating lazily at the top of a deep well of memories long submerged.

In. Out.

It would be okay. It had to be. Mal tried to focus on something else. Anything else. 

What was his name again? She wondered, peering through at the memories to see if she could pick out any details. 

One by one, they came back to her as her headache slowly faded. She had been leaving the restroom when another clone, a shiny she figured from the quick glance she had gotten at his armor, had approached her with a little too much enthusiasm and far too much liquor in his system. 

“Hey there, gorge-” He started, his words slurring as drink sloshed out of his glass.

Mal cursed as the brown, sticky liquor met the green silk of her dress. Before she could look up, the trooper’s feet disappeared, and he darted into the crowd. Frowning at the crowd that had swallowed up the poor shiny, Mal called out an apology that missed the ears of the retreating clone. She had overreacted… again. But this was her one nice dress, and she had only pulled it out of her closet because she lost that bet with Sinker.

She sighed. Nice going. With the familiar feeling of guilt settling in her brow, Mal looked around to find a small napkin left on a nearby booth. She sat down as she attempted to wipe at the spreading stain, but the fabric quickly fell apart in her hands. She cursed again.

“Need one of these?”

A clone, his face unmistakable even though he was in civilian clothes, appeared before her. Did he have a face tattoo? Mal strained at the memory. He had brought a towel and a glass of fresh water, sliding into the booth across from her. He apologized for his brother and made her laugh as he shared his own worst pick-up line from his days as a shiny.

“You must be from Coruscant.” He flashed a wide sideways grin, his soft brown eyes twinkling in the neon light.

“What makes you say that?” Mal remembered asking as she smiled up at him. He was wrong, but she was curious about where this was going.

“Because I was searching for love in Alderaan places before you.” 

Mal’s jaw fell open before she began to cackle, her whole body shaking at his terrible pick-up line. The clone’s grin never faltered as he laughed, both at himself and at her reaction.

“That’s the worse line I’ve ever heard.” She finally pulled herself together enough to speak. “Has it ever worked?”

“Not yet, but I’ll keep trying.” The clone chuckled to himself again before he stood and held out a hand. “Now, what would you say to a dance? It’ll help your dress dry.”

“Now that’s actually the worst pick-up line I’ve ever heard.” Mal raised an eyebrow, considering the clone’s outstretched hand for a moment. 

“Did it work?” His grin crept out a little bit wider. 

As an answer, Mal reached out and claspered his rough palm with her own. She laughed again and then, as he had led her to the dance floor, found she never stopped laughing. As the night wore on, it was as though she’d been strapped to a speeder, along for a ride with this wild pilot. His boldness permeated everything he did. She’d never met someone more comfortable in their own skin. 

Transported away from her hangover and her bathroom and back to 79’s, Mal recalled how she had moved with him to the music and the jokes they had shared, lips pressed to ears on the thunderous dance floor. He had pulled a wildness out of her that she hadn’t felt in a long time. Last night, the heaviness of the war and the tragedies that came with it were gone, and there was only this man.  Whether he was sweeping her off her feet on the dance floor or charmingly antagonizing the poor cabbie that brought them home, the world around them was a blur, and the only thing in focus was him.

Then there was the sex. The more Mal tugged at the memories of the night before, the more she remembered just how great the sex had been. Strong hands coaxing orgasm after orgasm out of her, those same hands on her hips as pleasure entered her from behind, her touch on his rippling core as she rode him, soft kisses, hungry kisses, and eventually, being pulled into strong arms as they both collapsed in perfect, exhausted bliss.

She still couldn’t remember his kriffing name, though.

Mal took another slow, measured breath as she dried her face with the hand towel. Name or no name, it was time to go out and face this man. It will be okay, she reminded herself again. She could come up with plenty of reasons not to give him her commlink, and there were millions of clones in the GAR. What were the chances she would ever run into this one man again? Mal frowned as she realized that the dread was gone, and instead, an odd ache formed in her chest at the thought.

She brushed the ache aside and all of the memories along with it. There were other problems to worry about. To begin with, she was still naked. Luckily, a sleeveless top, a binder, and compression shorts hung next to the shower from her run yesterday. She quickly pulled them on. With a sigh, she glanced in the mirror one more time. She made one last swipe under her eyes to wipe away the smudged makeup, and then she was ready to face him.

Mal stepped out of the fresher with a tight chest that bordered more on regret now than dread. Regret for what, she wasn’t willing to consider. But, as she glanced around the corners of her small apartment, she was alone. The man was gone. She breathed a sigh of relief, loud enough to distract her from the unexpected ache in her heart.

Then he stood up. The clone rose from the ground behind her bed. Mal jumped backward, letting out a cry at his sudden appearance. 

“Sorry, sorry!” He waved his hands in innocence, one of them clutching a boot that he held out towards her in explanation. “Just looking for this guy. Got away from me last night.”

“Oh, no problem!” Mal attempted her most casual tone, although she still clutched at her chest, and her heart was pounding furiously.

The clone was clothed now in vaguely familiar dark pants and a white shirt that hung close to his chest. Despite Mal’s best efforts, she found her eyes tracing over him, admiring the man. He was good-looking, born with the same handsome profile as his brothers. He must have been military or at least ground crew, she guessed, taking in his broad, rugged form. He kept his curly hair closely cropped, just a bit longer than regulation, but it was enough to give him bedhead this morning. A dark goatee cut along his sharp jaw, and a smile danced on his full lips with joy that was reflected in his deep brown eyes. Just above his dark brow, a small “5” was tattooed on his temple.

Five. Fives.

That’s right, Mal remembered. Fives. 

She locked eyes with him, and a flash of a memory of those honeyed pools staring up at her from between her legs made her toes curl.

“So, uh, wild night.” He let out a chuckle as he rubbed his empty hand along the back of his neck, ducking his head just a little as she guessed he had some similar flashbacks. “Can’t say I was in my best form, but I had fun. Hopefully, you did too.”

His look was earnest, and Mal smiled back at him against her better judgment. Fives was as disarming this morning as he had been last night.

“Definitely,” Mal nodded.

She winced as she realized what she had said. It was bad enough that she had broken her rule, but now she was flirting with him again. She wanted to be cold. Mal wanted to make this goodbye painless and quick. But something inside her pushed back. Something wanted to pull Fives back to bed, give him her comm, and beg him for an actual date.

You deserve to be happy.

A familiar voice whispered in the back of her head. The echo was enough to snap her back to reality. No clones. No relationships. One night and she was already losing focus. Seemingly oblivious to the thundering internal dialogue reverberating through her already-pounding head, Fives dropped behind the bed again. This time, he sank to one knee to pull on his last boot.

“I gotta get back to the barracks before my Captain has my ass.” He kept chatting as he tugged on the straps. “It’s always worse when he doesn’t go out with us. Jealous sheb.”

His voice was affectionate as he spoke of his Captain, and Mal relaxed a bit, thinking of her own squad. Fives rose again, fully dressed. With purpose, he stepped around the bed and towards Mal. Her breath caught in her throat at the movement. She froze, afraid of what her body might do if she let it. He stood over her, his wide figure towering above hers. He looked her up and down with a smile that brought a blush to her cheeks. Then Fives let out a quiet sigh.

“Thanks for everything.”

His voice was surprisingly gentle. He swooped down and pressed a soft kiss against Mal’s cheek, his goatee gently tickling the place where it grazed her jawline. Before she could even register the moment, he spun around and made his way to the door. With that unspoken goodbye, Fives was gone.

That was easy, she thought, but she didn’t move as she stared at the sealed door with a frown on her face and a chest still tense with regret.

Fives threw an arm around Tup as he pointed across the bar.

“Her. I want to go home with her.”

“Good luck,” Jesse laughed, his eyebrows wrinkling as he glanced at his vod’s target, or more accurately, the clone sitting next to the woman in question. “Looks like you’ll have to fight your way through Wolffe.”

Fives blew a raspberry in dismissal. Jesse let out another chuckle as Kix caught his eye. The medic tilted his head at Jesse, who nodded back to him. Oblivious to their plotting, Fives brought himself down to his elbows to lean on the bar and gawk across the way. While Fives was distracted, Jesse reached for the full drink in front of the boisterous clone, and with a carefully trained hand, he slid it down the bar to Kix.

“Hey, where’d my drink go?” Fives frowned as he looked around.

Kix shrugged, shooting a smug smile at Tup and Jesse over the top of a fresh glass of Corellian whiskey he was now sipping on.

“Ahh, kriff it. I need to piss.” Fives declared before he launched himself away from the bar.

“Should someone go with him?” Tup watched with vague concern as Fives meandered away from them and into the crowd.

“Sometimes you just have to release him into the night and hope he comes home in one piece.” Kix waved off Tup’s worry, still enjoying his new drink.

“Maybe he’ll find Coric. That di’kut went to the bathroom hours ago.” Jesse pointed out.

The night came back in bits and pieces to the slowly waking clone.

Fives had found his way to the fresher, the space from the bar and the mission to relieve himself, giving him some time to focus his whiskey-addled brain. He stood by the sink for a moment, letting himself sober up. Through the mirror, graffiti on the wall caught his eye, and he spun to get a better look at it. It was a quickly scribbled Teyrian mesa goat with large words next to it; Fives’ sister.

Kark you, Jesse. He frowned before he took a recording of the art and sent the holo to the obvious offender over his comm. 

We’re brothers, you shabuir.

Fives typed into the small machine. He tried to scratch at the drawing to see if it would peel off with just his fingernails, but it didn’t budge. Fives let out a small huff in defeat before he turned for the door.

When he finally stepped from the fresher, Fives was torn between returning to his vode or trying his luck on the dance floor. His brothers often accused him of being a charmer, and they weren’t entirely wrong. He liked flirting with the women and sometimes the men that came into 79’s. There was no risk of anything serious, relationship or otherwise. No talk of the war, no hushed whispers about Echo, and right now, no mention of that ori’dush Jedi. As much as he loved his vode, other company was a welcome break.

He was weighing his options when, like a vision, she appeared before him. It was her, the girl he had made his mark from the moment he had spotted her stunning form from across the bar. Wearing a silky emerald dress that clung to her gentle curves and stopped at her knees, and with long hair that fell over strong shoulders in loose red curls, she was unmistakable. She was alone now, weaving her way through the crowd without Wolffe at her side to fend off any suitors. Fives couldn’t believe his luck. This was his shot, and like a good ARC Trooper, he wasn’t going to miss.

Fives knew all the lines he would have used on her as a shiny. Hey baby, come here often? Hey gorgeous, let me buy you a drink. Those lines had done their job, more often than not. Still, he’d learned over the years that his greatest talent, aside from being a honed and rather creative droid-killing machine, was making people laugh, and that usually worked best. 

Before he could make his move, a young clone stepped into his line of site. The young man swayed as he walked, but Fives had to hand it to him; he kept his eyes on his target. Maybe too well.

Soon, the soldier’s drink was down the front of the girl’s dress, and Fives watched with a bemused smile as the poor shiny realized he was in way over his head and quickly tore back into the crowd. The woman looked up after the shiny, and Fives was impressed to see an unheard apology fall from her lips before she turned back to her ruined dress. With all thoughts of chasing after her aside, he went to the bar and came back with a glass of water and a rag to offer her the help that his younger, stupider vod didn’t.

By the time she invited him back to her apartment, Fives’ head was spinning, and it wasn’t from the alcohol anymore. It was entirely her fault. Amal. Mal. Her name was a song clearer than any he’d heard before. She was gorgeous and funny, keeping up with his ridiculous jokes and bold choice of fun at every turn. The cabbie was ready to kick both of them out by the time the speeder had reached her corner. The weequay didn’t find the fact that she and Fives had taken to narrating his driving like announcers at a podrace as amusing as they did. 

They both stumbled from the cab, doubled over, and wrecked with laughter. Fives swore he nearly broke a rub when, before the cabbie could take off, she ran to the front bumper of the air taxi, pulled the dark scarf from her shoulders, and waved it like a starting flag. The cabbie flew away, swearing. Unbothered, Mal blew the weequay a parting kiss.

“For good luck.” She grinned as she skipped back to Fives.

He quickly pulled Mal into him. A feeling of enchantment overcame him as he wrapped his arms around her waist. She smiled up at him, the city light dancing like stars in her glassy, green eyes. He spun her for a moment, sending them both in a circle just so he could pull one more gleeful laugh from her. Then he raised a hand to Mal’s face and leaned down to capture her lips with his.

Now, as he woke in the vaguely familiar bed, Fives groaned and stretched. He could hear her in the bathroom. The sound of the fresher door had pulled him from sleep, and the rush of the sink had prodded him to wake. Fives rolled himself over in bed and onto his stomach, stretching into the empty space beside him, still warm from her form. Her scent, a spicy-sweet vanilla, lingered on the sheets, and a longing sigh escaped him. Something about her presence in the fresher, the running water, and the soft morning light made his heart clench. He could almost imagine other mornings waking up here, other mornings where he could gather her back into his arms and convince her to go back to sleep, or mornings where he could try his hand at cooking and surprise her with breakfast.

Dangerous thoughts, Fives frowned into the soft dusty green fabric. He pushed himself up on his forearms. It was time to go. He started by gathering his clothes. They were strewn about the studio from the whirlwind of their entrance last night. As he pulled on his pants, he looked around the place Mal called home.

The first thing that caught his eye was the kitchen. Sitting kitty-corner to the bed, a tall wood bar separated the kitchen from her living space. It was the only table she had, and it looked a little dusty. Behind it, the kitchen was empty. A few spices and a couple of pans sat on the dark, open-faced shelves mounted on forest green walls. Otherwise, there was nothing.

A waste, Fives snorted. Nat-borns never appreciated the comforts. 

There were two doors along the same far wall as the kitchen. One was a blast door that Fives knew he had entered last night, and the other, he assumed from the sounds of running water, was the fresher. The bed was tucked in the corner of the room, next to a window with crooked curtains, as if someone had tried and failed to close them. On his side of the bed, there was still enough space between the window and the bedframe for a small table and lamp. There, he found that someone- her, if he remembered correctly - had deposited his shirt last night. Opposite the bed, a comfortable and worn brown chair was covered in blankets and a few books, turned down with their pages open as if someone was saving their spot. The rest of the room was lined with more dark shelves covered in more books and countless plants of all sizes and colors. He chuckled a little as he pulled his shirt on. She must like to take care of things. How sweet.

Dangerous thoughts, Fives felt the warning pop up again. Time to pack up. He straightened his shirt and reached for his boots, only to find one missing.

He didn’t hear her come out of the fresher. He was busy grinning victoriously at the erstwhile shoe he had pried out from under the bed. It wasn’t until he heard a sudden cry of surprise that he realized she was there. He snapped his head up to find Mal standing on the other side of the bed, her mouth open and a hand clutched to her chest.

“Sorry, sorry!” He quickly apologized, throwing the boot out in front of him in explanation.

“No problem!” She squeaked.

Fives couldn’t help but grin a little wider. She was trying to act natural, but her breathlessness from the scare still lingered. Then, a memory of her on her back, even more breathless as she writhed on his tongue, came back to him in a flash. Heat spread across his cheeks, and a hand shot up to the back of his neck, which he quickly rubbed as if he could erase the memory from his mind’s eye.

“So, wild night.” Fives chuckled at himself. He felt like a shiny again. “Can’t say I was in my best form, but I had fun. Hopefully, you did too.”

He watched as she relaxed and met his smile with one of her own. 

“Definitely.” 

His stomach flipped. Mal was as gorgeous as he remembered, standing there with her wavy red hair draped over her ivory shoulders. Toned arms peaked out from a sleeveless top, and black compression shorts hugged the curves of her hips. Fives had half a mind to pull her back to bed. He wanted to hold her heaving chest pressed to his and steal the oxygen from her lips. He wanted to kiss each freckle on her face. He wanted to soothe her worried brow.

Her worried brow.

Something was wrong. Fives kept chatting anyway. Echo had always joked that he was the only trooper who could talk more than Kenobi. He could sense her stiffness. It was the pauses between her words and the stillness of her limbs. She laughed, and she smiled, but something was wrong.

“I gotta get back to the barracks before my Captain has my ass. It’s always worse when he doesn’t go out with us. Jealous sheb.”

Fives finally let himself frown as he bent over to pull on his boot. He wondered if she knew what was coming. It wasn’t that he wanted to hurt Mal. They’d had a great time together, and maybe if things were different, this could end differently, but he never asked for comm links anymore. Some of his brothers had lovers that waited for them. They snuck off to dark corners of the Venators to call home and whisper sweet words of love while their other halves told them how much they were missed. Fives didn’t see the point. Jesse, all high and mighty in his relationship, tried to argue with him, saying Fives would understand when he fell in love, but he didn’t think that was likely. Having someone at home meant making promises you didn’t know if you could keep, like coming home at all.

When he stood, Fives was surprised to see that she had relaxed. Whatever was wrong must have been chased from her mind. He stepped around the bed and paused before Mal for a second, taking her in one last time. He breathed a little deeper. She still smelled like vanilla. She pulled him in like a magnet as Fives leaned down to kiss her on the cheek. His lips grazed her soft skin as his breath quickened. He could see her own lips fall softly open at his touch, and every impulse in him wanted to taste her one more time. 

He spun for the door before he could be reckless, breathing out a hurried thank you as he rushed to put space between her and him. Fives pushed aside any thoughts of other mornings, of how her legs had felt wrapped around his waist, or of her shining, spirited laugh. It was time to go. Jesse only could (and would) cover for him for so long.

He stepped out Mal’s front door into a narrow, dark stairwell that led from the entrance of her apartment to a back alley behind a bar below. The acrid smell of the dank crevasse between buildings hit him right away as he descended into the small corridor. He rounded the corner, pausing by the establishment to blink in the sudden sunlight. The divey joint looked just as seedy in the daylight as it had the night before. He frowned for a moment, thinking of Mal living above a place like that, before he shook himself of concern. He had said his goodbyes. A war was going on, and it was time to get back to work. He just had to find his way back to the barracks first.

Where the kriff was he? He wondered as he looked around. Come on ARC, use your head.

He glanced at the time mark on his comm and then looked up at the sun. He turned his attention to the city around him, searching for the level markings notched in the corner of each block of Coruscant. Finally, he examined the way the shadows fell from the buildings. A wave of relief washed over him. He was closer to the barracks than he expected. He might even make it back with time for a shower before the likely chewing-out from Rex.

Fives broke into a jog. He’d run every day since he was a cadet. It was easier on Kamino, with its long winding halls, but he still made time, even if it was just circling the barracks while on distant planets. It drove Echo crazy. His twin would throw pillows at him during tough campaigns, groaning at him to “Cut the shit.” Fives never did, though.

Despite still feeling a little groggy and the fact that he was wearing his one set of civics, it was a nice morning for a run. The sun was just hitting Coruscant’s midlevels, and the thought of a shower before roll call put an extra spring in his step. As his feet beat a steady rhythm against the ground, he focused on the mantra he always repeated as he ran.

Droidbait, Cutup, Hevy, 99, Echo, Hardcase.

The name at the end was new, and it still felt weird and heavy on his heart, but he repeated the names again and again. He wasn’t ever going to forget them. He wouldn’t ever let them be just a number.

tentative taglist: @twistedstitcher27, @baba-fett, @thefact0rygirl, @writingbylee, @wizardofrozz, @wild-karrde, @xopancakeox , @padmeromanoffs, @lunaastars, @shellshooked, @obi-wansorrow​, @misogirl828 and @the-sith-in-the-sky-with-diamond​

[sensei-aishitemasu]

2020 Black-Owned Gift Guide!

2020 Black-Owned Gift Guide!

It’s that time again! Our SIXTH ANNUAL BLACK-OWNED GIFT GUIDE IS HERE!!!! This Black Friday, try and support a Black-owned business for all your gift-giving needs. For last years gift guide, click here. For the 2018 gift guide, click here. For the 2017 gift guide, click here. For the 2016 gift guide, click here. For the 2015 gift guide, click here.

Similar to previous lists, I kept every individual item listed under $100! Click on the links to be taken to the websites in order to peruse more yourselves: all businesses listed are Black-owned, and many are run by Black women, Black Americans specifically, manufactured here in the United States, and/or sustainably and ethically sourced with philanthropic causes attached to sales! Check them out. 

In addition, this year there are THREE NEW CATEGORIES! Check out items for the ‘Goth/Kawaii,’ for your ‘Activist Bae,’ and for the ‘Esoteric’ down below.

[As always, this guide has been split into categories to make it easier to get through, but feel free to mix and match for the person in your life that fits all of (or none of!) these categories!]

For the Homebody:

Lettie Gooch Small Safety Matches, $18 Lettie Gooch Amber & Moss Soy Candle, $20 Lettie Gooch White Concrete White Tea & Ginger Candle, $28 Lettie Gooch Planetarium Throw Blanket, $68 Lettie Gooch Soleil Throw Blanket, $68

Debra Cartwright ‘Bike’ Watercolor Print, $38 Debra Cartwright ‘Aura’ Watercolor Print, $87 Debra Cartwright ‘Astro Millennial Ladies in Quarantine’ Coloring Book, $5

Harlem Candle Company ‘Brownstone’ Luxury Candle, $45 Harlem Candle Company ‘Lenox’ Luxury Room Spray, $30 Harlem Candle Company ‘Langston’ Luxury Room Spray, $30

Jungalow Genie Vase, $89 Jungalow Handwoven Peach Planter, $49 Jungalow Azul Face Pillow by Justina Blakeney X Loloi, $89 Jungalow Soft Mint Pillow, $89 Jungalow Aja Wallpaper in Green by Justina Blakeney, $5 (per sheet) Jungalow Tigris Wallpaper in Onyx by Justina Blakeney, $5 (per sheet) Jungalow Cream Looped Wool Rug, $99.00 Jungalow Silvia Teal & Berry Rug by Justina Blakeney X Loloi, $69.00 Jungalow Striped Orange Outdoor Rug, $59.00 Jungalow Reindeer Games Hook Pillow by Justina Blakeney, $60.00 Jungalow Peace Vase by Justina Blakeney, $68.00 

Kashmir Viii ‘S is for Soul’ Print, $35-$45 

Galerie LA Rooted Incense Holder, $45

Duchess365 358 Art Print, $23.99 

Jeff Manning Art ‘Aplomb’ Art Print, $45 Jeff Manning Art ‘Pacific’ Art Print, $30

Kicky Mats ‘Get Naked’ Bath Mat, $30 Kicky Mats ‘Did You Wash Your Hands?’ Doormat, $50 Kicky Mats ‘Go Away, Come Back With Wine’ Doormat, $50 Kicky Mats ‘Did You Call First?’ Doormat, $50

228 Grant Street Candle Co. Tobacco + Patchouli Gold Travel Tin, $11 228 Grant Street Candle Co. Wild Blackberry + Absinthe Amber Jar, $21 228 Grant Street Candle Co. Oakmoss + Amber Apothecary Jar, $32

Shea Makery Strawberry Cheesecake Signature Candle, $40 Shea Makery Cinna-Bowl Signature Candle, $40

The Silver Room Cider and Cedar Leaf Candle, $34 The Silver Room Rose Water & Tea Leaves Diffuser, $28 The Silver Room Minnie Ripperton - Les Fleur Vinyl, $26

Rituals + Ceremony Anonomy Sculptures, $79 Rituals + Ceremony USB Travel Ultrasonic Essential Oil Diffuser, $25

Handcrafted Ceramic Watering Cans, $64

Fill More Waste Less Natural Loofah Sponge, $2.50 Fill More Waste Less Food Huggers, $12. 99 

Ment Nelson Backwoods Baptism Print, $50 Ment Nelson Old Sheldon Print, $40

Quarantine Games!

Trading Races, $19.99

Winsults, $25

Cards For All People - Black Card Revoked (First Edition), $17.99

Trap Wars - The Urban Game Night Experience, $22.99

Lyrically Correct 90's & 2000's Hip Hop/R&B Edition, $24.99

Black Wall Street - The Black History Board Game, $49.99

Pull Your Card Music Trivia: Hip Hop Edition, $14.99

Spill It Card Game, $23

'Verified' A Party Game for Social Media Lovers (Original Edition), $19.99

For the Foodie:

Kashmir Viii ‘The Black Power’ Mixtape Coasters, $40 Kashmir Viii ‘Reclaim It’ Mug, $16 Kashmir Viii ‘I Slay.’ Clutch, $45 

Galerie LA Peak and Valley Balance Blend, $30 

‘The Cooking Gene,’ by Michael W. Twitty, $28.99 

‘From Crook to Cook: Platinum Recipes From the Boss Dog’s Kitchen’ by Snoop Dogg, $24.95 

Essie Spice Signature Sauce Collection, $42 

‘Your Guide to Tasteful Manners’ with Love Cork Screw, $19.95 

‘Deliciously Vegan’ Cookbook by The Chic Natural, $28.95 

EAT Apron, $30

Midnight Reflections Crowned White Ceramic Mug, $19.99

The Spice Suite Utensils + Oven Mitts, $50 The Spice Suite ‘The Little Black Spice Book’ (E-book), $30

Rituals + Ceremony Circle Mug, $40 Rituals + Ceremony Agate 6pc Plate Set, $24

Blk + Grn Stainless Steel Tea Ball Infuser, $4

Fill More Waste Less Reusable Tea Strainer, $14.99

Good Thoughts Tea Co. Tea Spoon Set, $12

KazvareMadeIt Personalised Alphabet Mug Tile Print, $20.99 KazvareMadeIt Banananana Cushion, $55.80

Addie Rawr ‘Addie's Cocktail Collection’ (Cards & Prints), $3.75

For the Beauty Guru:

Lettie Gooch Blends Perfume: Earth, $30 Lettie Gooch Bloom Perfume Blend No. 586, $48 

Galerie LA Hand Sanitizer, $10 Galerie LA Cream Cleanser, $16 Galerie LA Citrine Sea Tropical Exfoliator, $18 Galerie LA Botanica Rose Roller, $14 Galerie LA Botanica Lavender Roller, $14 Galerie LA Aurora Superfood Elixer (Face Serum), $27 Galerie LA Jade Eye Mask, $44 Galerie LA Rose Quartz Facial Roller, $28.00 

Shea Makery Scar Healing Serum, $23 Shea Makery Cinnamon Bun Body Butter, $25 Shea Makery Glazed Donut Body Butter, $25 Shea Makery Milk + Honey + Syrup Bubble Bath, $22 Shea Makery Honeycomb Bath Set, $16

The Lip Bar Cheek and Eye Palette, $15  The Lip Bar ‘Goddess’ Lipgloss, $14 The Lip Bar ‘Bawse Lady’ Liquid Matte Lipstick, $13  The Lip Bar ‘4:00 Stuntin' Fast Face Kit,’ $99 The Lip Bar Limited Edition Easy Holiday Glam Collection, $25  The Lip Bar ‘Lip Bar Littles,’ $18.99 The Lip Bar Minimalist Lovers Bundle, $36

Auda B. Beauty Soy Polish Remover, $26 

Breukelen Polished ‘Paid and Full,’ $11 Breukelen Polished ‘Get Me Right’ Treatment Set, $25

Beauty Bakerie ‘Milk & Honey’ Highlighting Brush, $18 Beauty Bakerie ‘Coffee and Cocoa’ Bronzer Palette, $38 Beauty Bakerie ‘Black Egg-cellence’ Beauty Sponges, $18  Beauty Bakerie ‘Sugar Cookies’ Palette, $28 Beauty Bakerie ‘The Butter’ Hydrasilk Primer, $24

Mented Mini Brush Trio, $10 Mented Everyday Eyeshadow Palette, $28 Mented Brush Collection, $45 Mented Holiday Faves Trio, $50

Blac Minerals Highlight Bundle, $32 

Danessa Myricks Beauty Oil, $30  Danessa Myricks Waterproof Cream Palettes, $36 Danessa Myricks Luxe Cream Palettes ‘The Nudist,’ $44

Pear Nova ‘Holiday Essentials’ Nail Set, $90 

Habit Cosmetics Nail Polish in Voodoo, $18  Habit Cosmetics Nail Polish in Midnight Cowboy, $18 Habit Cosmetics Nail Polish in Black Orpheus, $18 Habit Cosmetics Nail Polish in Scarab, $18

Hunny Bunny Cuticle Cream, $4.50 Hunny Bunny Grapefruit Sugar Scrub, $20

Taupe Coat in Good Fortune, $11

More Brands To Try:

People of Color Beauty

Mischo Beauty

Suite Eleven

Brown Butter Beauty

Beija Flor Naturals

Plain Jane Beauty

Ancient Cosmetics

Hue Noir

Lotus Moon Skincare

For the Fashion Conscious:

Merit ‘Fate’ Bucket Hat, $20

Chris Cardi Signature TwistDYE Tee, $33

Lettie Gooch Black Mineral Washed Jacquard Leggings, $68 Lettie Gooch ‘Smiling On The Inside’ Mask, $28

Kashmir Viii Face Masks, $16 Kashmir Viii ‘Around The Way Girl’ Clutch, $45-$60

Galerie LA Hemp Tie Button Down Sage, $90 Galerie LA Gratia Jumpsuit Tumeric, $100 Galerie LA Red Zipper Wallet, $45 Galerie LA Dopp Kitt (Makeup Bag) in Navy, $40 Galerie LA Lunar Star Earrings, $100 Galerie LA Meria Sunglasses Coral Pink, $75 Galerie LA Oda Ring, $45 Galerie LA Sabbath Cocoon Tunic, $85

Tree Fairfax Keychain, $22.50 Tree Fairfax Lois Belt, $45

LoveCortnie Polka Dot Leather Key Chain Clasps, $15 LoveCortnie Small Leather Tassel, $17 LoveCortnie ‘Color Me’ Coin Purse, $30 LoveCortnie Envelope Card Holder (Black & White), $32

Rue 107 ‘Toni’ Bikini in XOXO Print, $98 Rue 107 Signature Pencil Skirt in XOXO Print, $68 Rue 107 Tied Cropped Tank in XOXO Print, $48 Rue 107 Tied Cropped Tank in Vintage Rose Print, $48 Rue 107 Signature Pencil Skirt in Vintage Rose Print, $68

Grant Blvd ‘Sustainable Shit Only’ Fanny Pack, $26

Ebony and Green Mindfulness Earrings, $10

For the Bookworm:

‘Daymares’ by Kenya Moss-Dyme, $12.99

‘Hood Feminism’ by Mikki Kendall, $26

‘The Source of Self-Regard’ by Toni Morrison, $28.95

‘Tar Baby’ by Toni Morrison, $15

‘The Beautiful Ones’ by Prince, $30

‘In Her Hands: The Story of Sculptor Augusta Savage’ by Alan Schroeder, $12.95

‘The Street: A Novel’ by Ann Petry, $15.99

‘Chasing Down a Dream: A Blessings Novel’ by Beverly Jenkins, $14.99

‘Rebel (Women Who Dare)’ by Beverly Jenkins, $5.98

‘Night Song’ by Beverly Jenkins, $8.99

‘Tempest’ by Beverly Jenkins, $5.98

‘Our Black Year: One Family's Quest to Buy Black in America's Racially Divided Economy’ by Maggie Anderson, $17

Rayo and Honey ‘Books Change Your Mind’ Pennant, $75

Jungalow Face Bookend Vase by Justina Blakeney, $98

Midnight Reflections Black Nerd Tote Bag, $18.99

Addie Rawr Book Club Dolls Stickers (Die Cut Stickers), $9.50

For the Kids:

Jungalow Leela Terracotta Rug by Justina Blakeney X Loloi, $89.00 Jungalow Pink Looped Wool Rug, $99.00

Galerie LA Kids Face Mask, $25

Duchess365 237 Canvas Print, $98.99 Duchess365 231 Tote Bag, $24.99 Duchess365 279 Art Print, $23.99 Duchess365 241 Framed Art Print, $47.99

Shea Makery PB & J Soap, $10 Shea Makery ‘Save A Life’ Mini Assorted Hand Soaps (Set of 12), $5

Little Leaders: Bold Women in Black History, $16.99

‘Clean Getaway’ by Nic Stone, $16.99

‘Bee Fearless: Dream Like a Kid’ by Mikaela Ulmer, $16.19

ABC Me Flashcards, $20

IkdKids Rag Doll, $40

KaAn’s ‘Living The Dream’ Denim Jacket, $40

Yinibini Baby Badminton Playing Octopus Tee, $23 Yinibini Baby Fox Pullover Sweatshirt Jogger Set, $41 Yinibini Baby ROAR Lion Hooded Pullover, $45 Yinibini Narwhal Toy, $28

For the Masculine:

ALWD Signature DC PROPER Sweatshirt, $40

Chris Cardi ‘Bastards’ Tee, $30.03

Merit Flannel Shirt (Green), $65

Kashmir Viii ‘Everybody Eats, B,’ Tee, $45 Kashmir Viii ‘The Knockout’ Tee, $45

Galerie LA ‘Mister’ T-Shirt, $45

Jeff Manning Art ‘Overflow’ Art Print, $30 Jeff Manning Art ‘The Golden Age’ Art Print, $45 Jeff Manning Art ‘Overflowed Emotions’ Art Print, $50

Levi Fisher Beard Bundle, $39.99

Scotch Porter Face Care Collection, $28.99 Scotch Porter Journal, $9.99

Shea Makery Beard Oil, $15

Enbois Matte Lava Rock Bracelet, $40 Enbois Benji Matte Sunglasses, $45 Enbois Bracelets Collection - Cocoa, $50

The Silver Room Tourer Backpack, $95

Urban Profile Black Panther Shirt, $24.99

Solo Noir Starter Kit, $28.99

Bevel Shave Starter Bundle, $89.95 Bevel Skin Starter Set, $61.95

For the Tech Savvy:

Enbois iPhone Case, $12 Enbois Power Bank, $15 Enbois Grip Socket, $4

Chic Geeks Brown Faux Crocodile iPad Case, $75 Chic Geeks Brown Snakeskin iPad Case, $75 Chic Geeks Emerald Faux Crocodile iPhone Case, $50 Chic Geeks Grey Marble MacBook Case, $80 Chic Geeks Black Faux Crocodile iPad Case, $75

Khristian A. Howell Cava Melon Sleek and Chic Phone Case, $39.99 Khristian A. Howell Cava Black Sleek and Chic Phone Case, $39.99

NSPRE ‘Inferno’ Bluetooth Sunglasses, $71.99 NSPRE Micro SD Card (128GB), $21.98 NSPRE ‘The Ombres’ Bluetooth Audio Sunglasses, $59.99  NSPRE ‘The Solars’ Bluetooth BlueTech Glasses, $59.99

For the Goth/Kawaii:

VickiBeWicked Vinyl Sticker Heart Drippy Mushroom, Laptop Decal, $4 VickiBeWicked Rainbow Unicorn, Black Girl Magic Laptop Sleeve, $30.99 VickiBeWicked AfroGirls Masked Up Laptop Sleeve, $30.99 VickiBeWicked Pastel Horn Face Resin Keychain, $12.99 VickiBeWicked Red and White Splatter Skull Dangle Earrings, $7.50

Kashmir Viii ‘The KeKe’ Print, $35-$60

Adorned by Chi ‘Goth Club Presidenct’ Unisex Raglan T-Shirt, $34.99 Adorned by Chi ‘Pro Black’ Unisex Raglan T-Shirt, $34.99 Adorned by Chi ‘Pretty Girls Like Anime’ T-Shirt, $32.99 Adorned by Chi ‘Awkward’ Iron-On Patch, $11.99 Adorned by Chi ‘I Need My Space’ Hard Enamel Pin, $12.99

The Colour Polka Dot iPhone XS ‘Creepy Cute’ Rainbow Phone Case, $40 The Colour Polka Dot ‘Creepy Cute’ Spoopy Ornaments, $12 The Colour Polka Dot ‘Kawaii Cute’ Face Mask Case, $16

Embrii Shop Blush Pink Laptop Sleeve, $36

Gothic Lamb Anti Social Goth Club Tee, $28 Gothic Lamb ‘FedUp’ Tee, $24 Gothic Lamb ‘Make America Goth Again’ Tee, $28 Gothic Lamb ‘Melanin Manson’ Tee, $24

For the Esoteric:

Behati Life Third Eye Vision And Prophetic Dreams Intention Oil, $22 Behati Life New Moon Bath Soak Herbal Mix, $22 Behati Life Lunar Goddess Moon Magick Intention Oil, $22

Lettie Gooch Ecuadorian Palo Santo Quartz Crystal Bundle, $18

Jungalow Chaya Wallpaper in Amethyst by Justina Blakeney, $5

The Silver Room White Sage Bundle, $6

Grandma Baby's Black Gold Lenormand Tarot Deck, $44

Pretty Spirits ‘The Truth’ Decks, $50

The Afro Tarot, $88

The Hoodoo Tarot: 78-Card Deck and Book for Rootworkers by Tayannah Lee McQuillar, $18.66

‘Rootwork: Using the Folk Magick of Black America for Love, Money and Success’ by Tayannah Lee McQuillar, $11.99

Rituals + Ceremony Palo Santo Pack, $7 Rituals + Ceremony Empowered Vibes Ceramic Incense Holder, $10 Rituals + Ceremony Adinkra Intention Candles, $23 Rituals + Ceremony Cleanse and Protect Ritual Kit, $34 Rituals + Ceremony Crystal Candles, $22 Rituals + Ceremony Crystal Bliss: Attract Love, Feed Your Spirit, Manifest Your Dreams Book, $14.99

Ebony and Green Raw Clear Quartz Earrings, $15

For Your Activist Bae:

Kashmir Viii ‘Kash’s Bacon Shack’ Clutch, $45 Kashmir Viii ‘Copy and Paste’ Tee, $45 Kasmir Viii ‘We Did It First’ Stickers, $5.25-$20 Kashmir Viii ‘Reclaim It’ Clock, $45 Kashmir Viii ‘The Black Family’ Tee, $45

Jeff Manning Art ‘MLK’ Art Print, $35 Jeff Manning Art ‘We Shall Prevail’ Art Print, $45

‘The Spook Who Sat By The Door’ by Sam Greenlee, $21.99 ‘The Black Panthers Speak,’ $20 The Black Power Mixtape: 1967-1975, $22.95 A Beautiful Ghetto by Devin Allen, $26.95 ‘Are Prisons Obsolete?’ by Angela Davis, $15.95

Angela Davis T-Shirt, $25

Legendary Rootz ‘Black Girls Are The Purest Form of Art’ Tee, $25

Alex Carter ‘BLACK BUSINESS OWNERSHIP’ Tee, $50

Rayo and Honey ‘Much To Be Done & Undone’ Pennant, $75 Rayo and Honey ‘Black Lives Matter’ Pennant, $75 Rayo and Honey ‘Joy Is An Act Of Resistance’ Tote Bag, $65

‘They Carried Us: The Social Impact of Philadelphia’s Black Women Leaders’ by Allener M. Baker-Rogers & Fasaha M. Traylor, $ 28.99

Midnight Reflections Black Radical Woman Tank, $25.00

The Colour Polka Dot ‘Fuck Racism’ Resin Heart Keychain, $8

Rituals + Ceremony Be The Change Scented Candle, $24

Grant Blvd ‘Disrupter’ Tee, $30 Grant Blvd ‘End Cash Bail’ Hoodie, $54 

Cards, Notebooks and Wrapping Paper + Holiday Ornaments:

VickiBeWicked ‘Skull Santa’ and Candy Cane Greeting Cards, $2

Harlem Candle Company Set of 10 Vintage Nightclub Greeting Cards, $30

Kashmir Viii ‘Nina En Printemps’ (Nina Simone) Notebook, $14 Kashmir Viii ‘Boo Yow!’ Notebook, $14

Midnight Reflections Wrapping Paper 3-pack, $26.97

Midnight Reflections Claus Ceramic Ornaments, $15.99

Midnight Reflections Emoji Black Santa Christmas Stockings, $24.99

Bylianarae Note Cards, $15

KazvareMadeIt Rap Lines Inspirational Coloring Book, $18.20 KazvareMadeIt Lemonade Notebook, $18.20 KazvareMadeIt Fried Egg Wallpaper, $4.88 KazvareMadeIt Diamond Retro Wrapping Paper, $4.88

Khristian A. Howell ‘Speak To Me’ Wallpaper, $12 (sample pack) Khristian A. Howell ‘Palm Springs’ Gift Wrap, $8.99 Khristian A. Howell ‘Sonar’ Gift Wrap, $8.99 Khristian A. Howell ‘Twinkle’ Gift Wrap, $8.99 Khristian A. Howell ‘Ansley Park’ Gift Wrap, $8.99 Khristian A. Howell ‘Rosy’ Holiday Gift Wrap, $8.99 Khristian A. Howell ‘Long Weekend’ Gift Wrap, $8.99 Khristian A. Howell ‘Bonjour’ Card Set (10 pk), $18

GreenTop Gifts ‘Clarence Claus’ HOHOHO Gift Wrap, $7.50 GreenTop Gifts ‘Clarence Claus’ Do Not Open Gift Wrap, $7.50 GreenTop Gifts ‘Clarence Claus’ Candy Canes and Trees Gift Wrap, $7.50

Addie Rawr 2021 Planners (Preorder), $30 Addie Rawr The Great Gratitude Journal, $20 Addie Rawr The Great Gratitude Journal, $20

[baybee45]

A/N: Commander Thorn/reader

Warnings: PG-13,follows canon and has Unhealthy Coping skills

The Price of Love

The sun was lazily breaking the horizon, as if the star itself was unsure whether it should wake up. In your dreaming haze you hear the flowing water of the shower in the fresher. Your mind -- the amazing three pound organ that it is -- seamlessly adds this new effect to your picturesque dream. 

You're waiting for your love to return, by the calming ebb and flow of a turquoise lake.

The early morning light trickles in pass the half opened blinds. Like ethereal fingers, their feather light touch beckon you softly to wake up. In sleepy defiance you however, turn over, your bare back now exposed to the suns embrace. 

A light breeze whips across the soft cresting waves on the shoreline. The light mist cools your face as sunlight flickers through the low hanging branches of your shaded oasis.

Crisp water droplets fall on your skin, causing your muscles to jump after each tiny, harmless shock. A calloused finger tip gently traces through the pooling water in abstract shapes. The landscape of your lake country turns misty, slowly fading to the background as you begin to awake. 

A promised vacation fulfilled, a secret honeymoon.

"Good morning cyar'ika." He kisses into the space between your neck and your shoulder.

"It's to early for it to be good yet, Thorn." You mumble into your pillow with a half smile.

"Awww, let me see what I can do about that." He coos softly as he joins you in a blanket fort made for two. His kisses trail up your back and across your shoulder as he pulls you in closer. His stubbled face nuzzles into your neck, whispering sweet nothing with each tender kiss. 

"I can stop... if you want me too?"

"It's a lil to late for that now isn't it?" You said shifting around to face him. His amber eyes burned brighter and warmer then the golden morning glow that now bathed the room. Wrapping your arms around his neck your hands combed through his damp hair. Dark strands just beginning to curl around your fingers. He would say he was due for a cut but for now he was letting it be because you liked it a bit longer.

Your moment of marital bliss is interrupted by a demanding comlink, angrily beeping in background. You both try to ignore it. Thorn let's out a resigned sigh and gives you one last lingering kiss. Letting out a small chuckle as if to say 'sorry' he pulls away from you, grabbing the comlink from the side table.

Your eyes narrow with growing annoyance from the disruption. By working alot of overtime and through good old fashion begging you had managed to get three weeks off. Even though you knew it would be impossible for Thorn to have that much time, you were expecting at least a week of uninterrupted alone time with your new husband. A price you pay to be with a Commander of the Coruscant Guard you guess. Thorn was always on call.

He sits back on the edge of the bed. You come up behind him, arms coming around his broad and overworked shoulders, half eavesdropping, half just trying to distract him.

"Right...right away... sir." He stutters finishing the call, trying to keep a small veneer of composer through all the barely there kisses you have been leaving on his skin. 

"I have to escort Senator Amidala to Scipio."

"When?" 

"Now." he said his voice painted with disappointment as he half turns to face you. "Have to get everything prepared and the men ready for take off later this afternoon."

"Did you really, wake me up just to tease me like that!?" You complain and dramatically fall back with a loud sigh.

"I'm sorry cyar'ika." Thorn said leaning back for a kiss.

"You can kiss me when you get back, you little tease." You huffed throwing your pillow at him for good measure. He lets out a half whine half laugh.

"I love you cyar'ika."

"Mmm hmmm." You croon turning over to fall back asleep.

For the Republic! 

   The funny thing about the worst moment in your life is you don't know until after the fact. Until after the unrelenting timer has already counted down to zero. Exploding and tearing you away from every preconceived thought you had. The future that once was so clear and bright was now shrouded in thick, noxious darkness. Questions, regrets, like hot shrapnel sear through you. 

Why didn’t I... What If... If only I did something... Why didn’t I... What If... If only... Why didn’t I kiss you goodbye... What If made up an excuse for you to stay... If only... Why didn’t I... What If... If only... Why didn’t I... What If I’d begged you to stay...Why didn’t I say I love one last time... If only I tried...

  Lodging themselves so deep into the crevices of your mind. You're worried not even time will be able to coax them out, to heal.

     There was no frivolous ceremony given. No funeral was held, not even a body put to rest. No greater meaning or spit-shined purpose tacked on for his death. Thorn was just a weapon. A weapon made out of human flesh and a beating heart. He was nothing more to the Republic then a random set of numbers that had happened to give its self a name. Just a serial number lost and easily replaced. Except he wasn't. Not for you.

     He was a person, who name was not his only distinguishing feature. A kind smile and knowing eyes burning with life and love. Who's arms you needed so much right now, to steady you from your shaking limbs. Thorn was a person, Thorn was your person.

     Each minute felt like an hour, everyone more difficult then the last. Crying so hard you would leave yourself breathless. It was a small relief from the suffocating 'what ifs' and 'maybes', that had become like a well worn paths in your mind. In the end you knew nothing would bring him back, no matter how much you pleaded and cried to an unhearing diety.

    The days slowly bleed into each other. The silence rings deafeningly in your ears, in this place that was once called 'ours'. You make ill-fated attempts to distract yourself from your cracked and crumbling world. You shower with his soap and call his office to hear his voice one more time, for the thousandth time. On a whim you put on his favorite dress and the candy apple red lipstick that he said made your lips sweet and hard to resist. You want so desperately to see his face, to feel him again, you head out to 79s. 

     It’s almost his touch but not quite, its not really his face, just a cheap imitation. But after a few shots burn their way down your throat a cheap imitation passes and after a few more shots, ‘almost’ becomes enough. 

  Still in his favourite dress you stumble into your apartment. The sweet aftertaste of your lips feels more like bile and regret on your tounge. Your eyes long for sleep but your afraid to close them only to see Thorns' eyes, no longer warm but cold and lifeless. All you want to do is forget and collapse in the bed, in our b—. 

     Your legs give out under the weight of what you once had tried to bottle up. Sobering thoughts make your late night choices harder to excuse, harder to deal with. Raw emotions liked jagged pieces of glass slice deep with a pain you can not be prepare for. Like a tsunami coming and you having nowhere to go. All you can do is brace yourself for impact and with whatever meager strength you have left, fight to survive. A pain that has to be felt, because words fail utterly to describe. 

     The morning sunlight eventually breaks through the half closed blinds, its touch feels like a branding iron on your tear soaked skin. 

    "St— stay away from me." You pleaded with tears spilling down your face.

   "It's okay I'm here for you." your memories of him try to comfort.

    "No...no." your voice cracks. The words barely being able to get out of your ever tightening throat. You try with a sluggish inhale to breathe air, to breathe life into your burning lungs. 

    "You're not here, that's what's wrong." 

    Grief is the price you pay. The price you pay for the stolen kisses. For the times you spent wrapped safely in his arms. The price you pay to visit him again in a lifetimes worth of memories cut short. Grief is the price you pay for loving him.

[lovemesomesurveys]

1. Are you related to the last person you spoke to? Yes, I was talking to my mom and brother. 2. Are your blankets normally kicked all over the place when you wake up? No. 3. Do you wear an eye mask when you go to sleep? Nope. I’ve been wanting to get one of those eye cooling sleep masks, though. I get bad headaches and cold washcloths help with those, so I figured a cooling sleeping mask would be great for that. And for when it’s hot. 4. Are family get-togethers fun or awkward for you? I like them.  5. Are any of your friends hoping to be famous one day? No.

6. What do you do if someone way too old for you hits on you? I’d decline. 7. Can you eat a whole pizza by yourself? I typically only eat 2-3 slices at a time. 8. Do you wear a lot of red clothes? No. 9. Do you lock the doors? Of course. 10. Is coffee better with or without milk? I only use milk (well soy milk) when I order lattes/mocha/macchiatos. If I order a regular coffee at like a restaurant then I use Half and Half and sugar. At home I use flavored creamer.  11. When was the last time you were at a hotel? Last weekend briefly when dropping my brother off. My mom and I went up to check out his room and stuff before we left. 12. Who would you kiss right now if you could kiss anyone? My doggo. 13. Are you afraid of the dark, or were you ever? I mean, I sleep with the TV on for some light and sound because I can’t have it completely dark or silent. 14. Do you have trust issues? Not really. I just have a hard time opening up and expressing myself to anyone. 15. When was the last time you cried from laughing so hard? I don’t remember. It’s been a long time since I’ve laughed that hard. 16. What are your plans for Thursday? I don’t have any plans for tomorrow. 17. Have you had your birthday yet this year? Yes, back in July. 18. Are you playing hard to get right now? No. I’m just hard to want. 19. Do you still talk to the person you were dating five months ago? I was single and still am. 20. Does cuddling freak you out? No. 21. Are your toenails painted? Nope. 22. Have you ever told someone you were in love with them? Yes. I laid all my feelings out on the table for Joseph, which took every ounce of courage I could muster up. It was so hard for me. 23. Ever slapped a guy in the face? Only playfully, and it was lightly. 24. Would you ever dye your hair blonde? Nah. I had blonde highlights for several years, but I never went full on blonde. 25. Did you make anything to eat today? I had a sandwich for lunch. 26. Do you wear eyeliner? When I wear makeup, which is rare nowadays.  27. What’s your favourite part of the song that you’re listening to? I’m not listening to music right now. 28. Do you think you’re a good friend? I haven’t been at all for the past few years. I’ve been very shitty. :/ I can’t even call anyone a friend anymore. 29. If the year consisted of only one season, which would you choose? Fall. 30. Could you go out in public looking like you do now? I’m wearing leggings with Santas all over and A Christmas Story shirt at the moment... in October. :X lol I’d really rather not. Plus, my hair is messy. Like,  I couldn’t even just throw a hat on it.  31. What was on your mind mostly today? Blah. 32. Who was the last person you got into a small argument with? My mom and I bicker sometimes, mostly cause my moody moods get especially bad and I just end up butting heads with everyone. :/ 33. Can you handle the truth? Depends. 34. Are there some songs you can’t listen to because they remind you of someone? I listen to them anyway and get sad. 35. Last night, did you go to sleep smiling? I never go to sleep smiling. 36. Where did you sleep last night? My bed. 37. Did you have a good day yesterday? It was alright. 38. What was the highlight of today? I’m getting my favorite pizza for dinner.  39. Do you hate anyone? Besides myself, no. 40. Do you wish you had the chance to tell someone something right now? Not right now. 41. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? My mom. 42. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? No. 43. Do horror movies these days scare you? I love horror movies now it’s so weird. I used to be such a scardy cat. It’s October aka spooky time and I want to watch a ton of scary movies. 44. What is the best thing that’s happened in the past week? Spending the afternoon this past Sunday in one of my favorite touristy cities  that’s near water so it’s a lot cooler there temp wise and it was great and getting my favorite pizza twice. 45. What colour is your hair? Naturally it’s dark brown, but I dye it red. 46. What did you do yesterday? Same stuff I always do. 47. What are you doing tonight? Eat pizza and watch AHS. 48. Have you ever thrown your cell phone in anger? When? No. 49. Do you think you will be in a relationship three months from now? No. 50. Do you want to fix things with anybody? Yes, but I know I’m not in the right space mentally to do so yet. 51. Could you go the rest of your life without drinking alcohol? I’ve gone 6 years so far since the last time and I have no desire to drink as of now. 52. Is your hair long enough to pull over your face like a mustache? Yeah. 53. Do you ever find yourself making up survey questions throughout the day? There’s been times I’ve thought up a question or two. 54. Who is your favourite online friend? I think the survey community on here is pretty cool. 55. What was the last thing you tried for the first time? Hmm. I can’t think of something at the moment. 56. What was the last thing you said out loud, and how loud were you speaking? I was saying goodbye to my mom and brother who were leaving to go get our food. 57. What’s your favourite nail polish colour to wear or see on others? I liked wearing black the best. 58. What was the last thing you learned? Hmm. 59. How warm do you like your showers/baths to be? Not scorching, burning hot, but hot.  60. Are there any advertisements/commercials you actually like? Which? There’s been some commercials that I actually like, but generally I don’t pay much attention to them. 61. How often do you visit your relatives? Not often these days. There’s some family members I was really close with that I haven’t seen in a few years, which is crazy. I just really became withdrawn, distant, and reclusive these past few years from everyone. :/ 62. In your opinion, what is the scariest natural disaster? All of them sound terrifying. I’ve thankfully never experienced one. So far anyway... 63. What design is on your bed sheets? They’re just pink. 64. What is your favourite brand of fizzy drink? Like soda? I like Coke and Dr. Pepper, but I haven’t actually soda, only just a bit when I take my medicine, in like 2 years. I used to have one a day and I had been drinking soda since I was a kid (not regularly as a little kid, but I had it sometimes. I regularly started having it in middle school). 65. As a kid, did you use toothpaste that wasn’t minty? Yeah, I remember having bubblegum flavored ones. 66. What is your favourite vegetable? Spinach, potatoes, broccoli.  67. Do you have any other countries’ timezones saved to your computer/mobile phone? No. 68. Is your username the same for every website? No. 69. What do you have in your online bookmarks? On the bookmarks bar on Chrome I have Google, Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, and YouTube. 70. Do you have a lucky number? Why is it so lucky? I don’t believe in luck, but my favorite number is 8. 71. Do you set your browser to remember passwords? No. 72. Describe the perfect burger: I’m not a big burger person, but if I were to have one I’d just want cheese, ketchup, mustard, and mayo. 73. What was the last thing you made yourself to eat? A sandwich. 74. Do you agree that the nude scenes in movies are generally unnecessary? Uhh sometimes, but it’s whatever. I still act like a kid and mostly look away, though lol. 75. Have you ever stood on a sea creature while at the beach? Uh, no? 76. What’s worse; speaking in all caps, or all lowercase? When people type in all caps my mind reads it like yelling. 77. What’s your favourite place to go for fast food? Taco Bell, Burger King, McDonald’s, Chick-Fil-A, or Jack in the Box. However, I haven’t really been into fast food at all for the past few months, oddly enough. 78. How many fillings do you have? A lot. 79. Do you prefer warm or cold hands? I’m fine with my hands being warm, just not me overall being hot.  80. Have you ever had a mud fight? No. 81. When you see people in love, is your first reaction “ew” or “cute”? Cute.

82. Have you ever woken up from a dream and thought it had actually happened? 83. Do you know anyone who closely resembles someone else? Yeah, family members. lol. 84. When your sunburn peels, do you leave it or pull at it? I’m the worst cause I pull it. :X 85. What type of food do you find yourself craving most (sweet, savoury, meat, etc.)? Savory. 86. Why did you last go to the doctors? Monthly checkup for one of the ongoing things I’m dealing with. 

[home-working]

The One Where I Become a Product Reviewer

Hey there, fellow kids! Jumping on the already-parked annual back-to-school bandwagon, I bring to you an AWESOME new blog post highlighting my FAVOURITE 15″ LAPTOP BACKPACK PICK! Get ready for at least 145 paragraphs of preamble before I reveal this NUMBER ONE TOP 100% BEST 15″ LAPTOP BACKPACK PICK and DIY BACKPACK HACK!!

I also realised I needed a post in my “lifestyle blog” repertoire that might convince people to send me free products? So this is that post. Search engine optimization.

Backstory

On February 19, 2019, esteemed letterer and all-around Creative Professional Jessica Hische tweeted out that she was looking for a new, fashionable laptop backpack and wanted suggestions. I happened to see this tweet that night and thought, “Maybe I, myself also a Creative Professional, need a new, fashionable laptop backpack as well?” I read through the mostly terrible (???) suggestions from her followers, saw one I liked, and then, with the quick late-night text approval of my probably-drunken sartorial consultant T, impulse-bought a $235 backpack.

The Arrival

A week later The Backpack arrives. It’s partially leather! It smells very new! It’s literally made by a Creative Professional for Creative Professionals! It’s so nice that I’m already worried about ruining it with thoughts of biking or commuting. But the straps are kind of stiff and uncomfortable on my delicate mammary glands. And did I say it’s pretty expensive?!

It’s the kind of backpack I’d be happy to keep if it were, say, $79. Maybe even $89. But $235?! For a backpack that’s not even some sexy upscale Creative Professional household brandname?? My lower middle-class upbringing prevents me from committing to such an expenditure on which I’m only lukewarm. What to do?

The Virgo/Libra Cusp Solution

Obviously I go out and buy two more backpacks.

All my children.

On Being a Virgo/Libra Cusp-er

I’m on the Virgo/Libra cusp which makes me the perfect person to review anything because I’m really picky and really indecisive. This means that if I’m forced to make a decision about anything, I generally change my mind multiple times and lose sleep in the process of over-thinking every minute detail, what fun! (For the record, I’m also strictly adhering to the deeply-scientific, back-of-your-local-free-weekly astrology column definitions of these signs. [Also, unnecessary childhood trauma story, I never really knew how to astrologically-identify growing up because as a cusper my sign categorization changed from paper to paper? The struggle was—and I cannot stress this enough—real.])

Laptop Backpacks: Necessary?

“Why does one need a special laptop backpack?” you might ask. Obviously, you don’t. No one needs anything. Why do we buy things, to feel a brief sense of happiness or accomplishment in our lives? Does it work for you the way it definitely and always 100% works for me? Leave your response in the comments!

But also I’ve never had a bag that was made for a laptop, so I figured I should probably get a backpack that's actually functional and isn’t painful to carry heavy shit around in all day?

Criteria

In order to be considered for this review, a potential backpack had to meet the following criteria:

Must hold a 15″ MacBook Pro

Enough padding to protect that laptop without a case

Must be comfortable to use while biking

Unisex design

Is black/screams “Creative Professional”

Bonus points: also screams “... who deserves a large salary”

In addition to my a laptop, I assembled a weight/capacity testing control group with the following everyday accessories:

Work essentials: mouse, laptop charger, Moleskine notebook, pencil

Life essentials: overnight kit, moisturizer, deodorant, underwear, sports bra, water bottle

Um, glasses and some other crap: eyeglasses & case, dirty socks, folded blanket, Le Creuset 18cm cast-iron pot

🎒🎒🎒🎒🎒🎒🎒🎒 The Backpacks 🎒🎒🎒🎒🎒🎒🎒🎒

Bag option #1: The ISM Backpack

The ISM retails for $235 USD; it’s only available online but comes with free shipping and returns in the USA. It ships in a pretty box with a pretty branded dust bag and a bunch of tissue that smells of “Instagram unboxing moment”.

I wore this bag out in public a few times: to the work lounge at the Public Hotel (a hotspot for “cool-looking people” working remotely), to pay a visit to my old MoMA office, and to a job interview. Did I feel like a Creative Professional? You bet I did! But then my former coworker commented that the bag made me look like a “techy person”, which ruined everything it had going for it. (There is a fine line between Creative Professional and Startup Chic that I refuse to cross. It involves hoodies.)

Left: fancy regal satin lining, to remind you that you’re the millennial queen you are. Right: full bag, with front pocket that is great for fitting flat stuff and maybe only flat stuff.

It fit everything in the “capacity” control group, albeit quite snugly, but its real downfall was the straps: although they were quite hearty, being both wide and well padded (which would be great for those with flat chests), their stiff sturdiness meant they were very inflexible, and basically cut into my breasts any time I raised my arms together, as one would if biking:

MEINE POOR BOOBS.

ISM owner/designer Justin emailed me after I returned the bag, and explained they were working on a smaller version for 13″ laptops. I explained this doesn’t help people with mammary glands who own 15″ laptops. Per Justin:

I feel what you mean Christy, a bag that fits a 15" laptop and is unisex has been a tough design challenge given the size difference between males and females. We have been able to shorten the straps to accommodate though.

I get it. Designing for the fact that 50% of the population has boobs is hard! Did you know that basically everything is designed around men and their stupid bodies?? It's also subsequently a prime example of how e-comm genders backpack sizing: you’ll find that 15″ laptop bags are generally only found in the “Men’s” section of websites. I need a drink.

Pros

Looks and feels fancy

Separate laptop pocket from main compartment

Water and weather resistant

Good amount of padding everywhere

Real leathurrrr bottom

Bitches be loving gold zippers

I am weirdly very into the simple strap adjustment design (not pictured but trust me that it’s nicely done)

Cons

High price point for my feeble income

Cut into my boobs

Front pocket is pretty difficult to put stuff in due to being so flat

Makes me look like a tech bro

Did not get the job I interviewed for while using it

Rating

Comfort: ★★☆☆☆ Creative professional-ness: ★★★★★ Female compatibility: ★☆☆☆☆ (one star for gold zipper) Value for monies: ★★★★☆ (if you don’t bike or have boobs) Overall: ★★★☆☆

🎒🎒🎒🎒🎒🎒🎒🎒 Bag option #2: MUJI Water Repellent Backpack

I bought this bag at the MUJI store for a very reasonable $49 USD. Like everything MUJI, it’s pretty decent quality both in materials and design, and feels like it’ll last a while.

Unfortunately, I didn’t end up testing this “in the real world” because, whoops, it only comfortably fits a 13″ laptop. But I did uncomfortably fit my 15″ laptop inside, really stretching the limits of the side panels, and then managed to cram the test “capacity” content on top (with room to spare!). I then did a “hunch test”, folding myself over as one would on a road bike, and found that there was barely any padding on the back panel, and my spine was knocking against the hard surface of my computer. Not cool! Plus the back did not have a mesh surface, literally making it not cool on a sweaty back.

Yes I get it, I have a big stupid computer.

Pros

Nice quality

Large capacity

Water repellent

Has a secret little back pocket you’ll probably never use

Has those tacky side pockets for water bottles which are surprisingly handy for sunglasses or pocket chargers

Cons

Made for a 13″ laptop

Non-meshed back

Not enough back padding

Rating

Comfort: ★★★☆☆ Creative professional-ness: ★★★★☆ Female compatibility: ★★★★★ Value for monies: ★★★★★ Overall: ★★★★☆+

🎒🎒🎒🎒🎒🎒🎒🎒 Bag option #3: UNIQLO Water Repellent Backpack

Right after purchasing the MUJI bag I walked across the street and picked this up for $29.90. YOLO!

Realising that is was yet another bag made for 13″ laptops, I could immediately tell that the quality was much lesser than MUJI’s: it was much lighter in weight, and the fabric thinner. Look at those ugly shoulder straps where the fabric is bunching. The front pocket’s structure is so weak that it sags. Sad!

But: pretty good akshully?!

I again force-fit my behemoth laptop and belongings into the small frame, yet, contrary to expectation, this thing was comfortable AF?! And even had room to spare. The straps were super soft and cushy and malleable around my boobs, and the “hunch test” revealed amazingly thick layers of padding on two sides of the back panel, with a thinner center panel that relieves any pressure on your spine. What kind of ugly genius is this?

Pros

Stupidly comfortable

Large capacity

Water repellent

Again, tacky side pockets, this time with an angled top hem

Cons

Made for a 13″ laptop

Pretty cheap and ugly looking

Pretty cheap and ugly feeling

Rating

Comfort: ★★★★★ Creative professional-ness: ★★☆☆☆ Female compatibility: ★★★★★ Value for monies: ★★★★☆ Overall: ★★★★☆

🎒🎒🎒🎒🎒🎒🎒🎒 Other opshuns, you ask?

There’s a few other mid-range “nice” bag brands I was looking into online, such as the one which esteemed Creative Professional Jessica Hische ended up going with, but let’s just assume I left them out because they lack the quality needed for this rigorous assessment and not because the bag designer whom I went on a date with decided to ghost me after I sprained my ankle while in Canada. Ahem.

Final Verdict... and a Backpack Hack (!!) (...Backhack™?!)

Although I was quite impressed with the comfort the UNIQLO model provided (both to my body and my wallet), I was actually going to declare this experiment a failure and return all the backpacks. Until, that is, I took a closer look at the interior construction of the UNIQLO and MUJI bags: they measured as though they should be tall enough for my latop, and yet the MacBook corners stubbornly stuck out. Time to play detective! 🔍

Turning the bags inside-out, I noticed they both included a superfluous, space-reducing seam at the bottom of the main pocket. WTF.

UNIQLO bag before & after: the difference a simple seam (and lack of colour temperature matching) makes!

By removing this seam on the UNIQLO model, I gained a full inch of vertical room, ALLOWING THE 15″ LAPTOP TO ACTUALLY FIT IN THE DAMN BAG. Yes, it fits snugly, and some may argue that the superfluous seam protects the edge of the computer from hitting the ground, but the very bottom edge seam is actually pretty bulky and does a decent job of protecting as is.

Verdict: With the inclusion of this super deviant hack (and ONLY with this inclusion), UNIQLO wins!!!!!!!!

Epilogue

I’ve been using this bag for 7 months now. It looks kinda cheap and it tends to collect lint, but my shoulders are miraculously like never sore. And, even on a grocery run after stuffing a myriad of pokey-shaped food items in the thing until I can barely close it, it’s always very comfortable on my tender back when biking home (I did this very thing 2 weeks ago at the Farmer’s Market after buying Celine Dion tickets, because I am a white woman in her late 30s). 

Oh, also: it’s black, so yes I am a Creative Professional, thank you for noticing! 

TL;DR: UNIQLO; cheap; comfortable. Send me your products to review! 🔚

Colophon backpacks: ISM, UNIQLO, MUJI; socks: UNIQLO; t-shirt: from a Women Who Code meetup hosted by One Month; sweatpants: Alternative Apparel; laptop: Shmapple; glasses: Steven Alan clearance; stool: Target; plants: IKEA & Home Depot; blankets: Hudson’s Bay, E. Stocking; mirror & couch: IKEA; drawing above mirror: K. Freeman & P. Lyle; posters: Bruce Nauman and a Finnish Design Annual fold-out; calendar: Massimo Vignelli; bike: Miele; weight/capacity control group: thrifting, Peru, Amazon, HAY, more places; suddenly questioning the consistency of whether I’m listing where objects were bought or the brand name of the object itself: something I am going to pretend to resolve at a later date in time; brevity rating for this blog post: ★☆☆☆☆; fan appreciation: I am so sorry if you read this far

[in-one-sockk]

1-150 for the asks :3🦋

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? - @when-youcant-sleepat-night2. Are you outgoing or shy? - im bipolar3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? - my pretty girlfriend on my birthday4. Are you easy to get along with? - I don’t know, find out5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? - begrudgingly, she hates vomit6. What kind of people are you attracted to? - butches with nice arms7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? - definitely, we’re at six months!8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? - Frank Iero9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? - not at all10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? - the moon11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? - “meanie”12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? - Make it Right - BTS, Summertime - MCR, bellyache - Billie Eilish, Dilbar - Neka Kakkar, This Is Home - Cavetown

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? - NO I have curly hair and if you touch it or interfere with it it looks like I’ve been dragged through a bush by my ankles14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? - I believe in good and bad karma15. What good thing happened this summer? - I met my girlfriend16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? - yes17. Do you think there is life on other planets? - I think it’d be pretty egotistical to not18. Do you still talk to your first crush? - nahh19. Do you like bubble baths? - I like them, for like five minutes because I need to wash my hair and they get in the way20. Do you like your neighbors? - my neighbours are scared of sunlight21. What are you bad habits? - pulling away because I think I’m a burden22. Where would you like to travel? - Norway, Japan, places with blue seas and flowers23. Do you have trust issues? - I have a narcissistic mother, so yahh24. Favorite part of your daily routine? - getting into bed25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? - my shoulders, they’re broad26. What do you do when you wake up? - die inside 27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? - neither, I don’t really think about it28. Who are you most comfortable around? - my girlfriend 29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? - a lot of them, but for manipulative reasons30. Do you ever want to get married? only to @when-youcant-sleepat-night31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail? - yeah but not a cute one32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? - Brie Larson (short hair) and Erika Linder  33. Spell your name with your chin - nopee34. Do you play sports? What sports? - I used to be a swimmer, and I did trampolining and high jump, but I haven’t done sports in a while35. Would you rather live without TV or music? - TV36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? - nope, I’m quite blunt37. What do you say during awkward silences? - I’m usually the awkward silent one, unless I’m high energy38. Describe your dream girl? - can cook, nice hands, sweet laugh, fairly tall, short hair, strong, patient, likes cuddles, understanding, pretty masculine energied39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? - ASOS Marketplace, thrift shops, Pull&Bear, Urban Outfitters, Run & Fly, Etsy40. What do you want to do after high school? - get married, have kids, be a housewife with a greenhouse and a vegetable garden. Can I do that? Nope. 41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? - No, but context. If your partner hits you do they deserve a second chance? No. But you gotta let people learn and grow from their mistakes?42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? - I want attention, I’m sad, scared, suicidal, tired, confused, embarrassed. So really a lot43. Do you smile at strangers? - If I like their energy44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? - I love both of these things but am also terRIFIED of both these things45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? - a better day might come 46. What are you paranoid about? - money and not having enough47. Have you ever been high? - yeahh48. Have you ever been drunk? - too much49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? - yeah but obviously I’m not gonna tell you50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? - Green, my favourite51. Ever wished you were someone else? - a lot of the time52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? - I’d like to have a skill?hobby I could turn into a career I’d enjoy53. Favourite makeup brand? - I dont really have one, but I’ve used the exact same Rimmel London eyeliner since I was 1154. Favourite store? - Etsy55. Favourite blog? - @malnedott has a lot of cute aesthetics56. Favourite colour? - forest green57. Favourite food? - chilli with lots of sour cream (I dont like spicy food)58. Last thing you ate? - a jelly baby59. First thing you ate this morning? - a jelly baby60. Ever won a competition? For what? - I won a competition last month on “who can use the most words beginning with V and create a story that makes sense” 61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? - I skipped school for a while when I was depressed62. Been arrested? For what? - nopee63. Ever been in love? - I’m very in love right now64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? - I actually can’t remember it..65. Are you hungry right now? - very, but I’m lazy66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? - I have no tumblr friends, no one talks to me67. Facebook or Twitter? - neither68. Twitter or Tumblr? - Tumblr69. Are you watching tv right now? - nope, I’m on Skype70. Names of your bestfriends? - Non, Maya, Calli (my cat)71. Craving something? What? - a cuddle72. What colour are your towels? - I don’t actually own any72. How many pillows do you sleep with? - two!73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? - a stuffed unicorn and a blanket my girlfriend gave me74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? - seven?75. Favourite animal? - penguin76. What colour is your underwear? - I’m not wearing any 77. Chocolate or Vanilla? - chocolate78. Favourite ice cream flavour? - sherbet!79. What colour shirt are you wearing? - brown ish red??80. What colour pants? - grey with batman logos81. Favourite tv show? - currently Killing Eve82. Favourite movie? - Mamma Mia 83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? - we don’t talk about the sequel..84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? Mean Girls (I’ve never seen the other one)85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? - Glenn Coco86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? - The stingray bus87. First person you talked to today? - @when-youcant-sleepat-night88. Last person you talked to today? - my little sister89. Name a person you hate? - Gauge…. my old supervisor at work90. Name a person you love? - my little sister91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? - Eden (my sisters ex who left her suicidal)92. In a fight with someone? - sort of.. a non-resolved ignoring of each other and93. How many sweatpants do you have? - one I think94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? - 495. Last movie you watched? - Jennifer’s Body96. Favourite actress? - Jodie Comer97. Favourite actor? - Rami Malek98. Do you tan a lot? - never99. Have any pets? - two cats and one spawn of satan with a cat face100. How are you feeling? - kinda empty rn101. Do you type fast? - when I’m high energy, but am I skilled at it? nope102. Do you regret anything from your past? - dating that teacher that one time103. Can you spell well? - awkwardly, I can spell complicated words really well, but basic words where multiple of the same letters are next to each other are evil, like, I always think there’s two F’s in professor or one D in address 104. Do you miss anyone from your past? - my old best friend I guess sometimes 105. Ever been to a bonfire party? - no but I’d love to!106. Ever broken someone’s heart? - my mothers maybe107. Have you ever been on a horse? - yes and they’re evil creatures108. What should you be doing? - homework109. Is something irritating you right now? - having to go cook110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? - yes, my girlfriend before we got together111. Do you have trust issues? - isnt this repeated?112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? - my girlfriend113. What was your childhood nickname? - Fifi Forget me not114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? - yes!115. Do you play the Wii? - yes, and hugely beat @when-youcant-sleepat-night at Mario Karts116. Are you listening to music right now? - my sister’s bath music from the next room117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? - I’ve never had it 118. Do you like Chinese food? - not really119. Favourite book? - The Chocolate War by Robert Cormier120. Are you afraid of the dark? - yes..121. Are you mean? - sometimes 122. Is cheating ever okay? - NEVER, especially when you’re Russian and pretend you’re a nice person and constantly talk about how cheating is never okay desPITE doing it to every girlfriend you’ve had123. Can you keep white shoes clean? - no, my converse are basically grey124. Do you believe in love at first sight? - i dont know125. Do you believe in true love? - thoroughly126. Are you currently bored? - a little127. What makes you happy? - flowers128. Would you change your name? - yes, for varying reasons. I dont like mine much, and to hide from some bad people129. What your zodiac sign? - gemini130. Do you like subway? - the food? not really131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? - bluntly make it clear I’m gay132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? - I think this is repeated too133. Favourite lyrics right now? - “I wanna build a place in you, where I can be made new”134. Can you count to one million? - probably not135. Dumbest lie you ever told? - “Of course I know what I’m doing”136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? - my bedroom door closed, wardrobe open137. How tall are you? - 176cm138. Curly or Straight hair? - I have curly hair, but straight hair requires a lot less effort and upkeep139. Brunette or Blonde? - ginger140. Summer or Winter? - autumn141. Night or Day? - night142. Favourite month? - August143. Are you a vegetarian? - no, but I can’t be in my current living situation144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? - none145. Tea or Coffee? - tea, black and cold146. Was today a good day? - no, all the customers decided to buy huge amounts as the store closed. If you do this, you are the worst kind of person and yes, we all thoroughly hate you147. Mars or Snickers? - neither148. What’s your favourite quote? - “They tell you to do your own thing but they don’t mean it. They don’t want you to do your thing, not unless it happens to be their thing, too.”149. Do you believe in ghosts? - no but I believe in bad energies150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? - Lateness fucking noticed, loser bitch  

[ellanainthetardis]

Will Haymitch live? Only one chapter left after this one! Let me know your thoughts!

{ff] or [ao3]

 79. 3 years & 2 years (3)

Haymitch had come to hate his hospital room with a passion and he had a newfound admiration for Effie given the months she had spent stuck in a smaller one. They had been in the city for three weeks now and for two of them he had been trapped in that hospital bed, forced to wear pajamas all day while his replacement liver grew and to stare at the children’s drawings his wife had tapped to the walls.

It wasn’t a bad room as far as hospitals went but it was, maybe, even worse because it reminded him a lot of the Games Clinic. The clinic was destined to wealthy patients and it showed. There was a huge flat screen TV facing the bed, blue curtains on the windows, a comfortable couch in the corner and the staff was dedicated to make his stay the best experience possible. The nurses were nice, he could admit that. He just hated being vulnerable and helpless under their care.

He was still unconvinced this was the right thing to do but, as Effie had pointed out numerous times, it was the only viable option they had.

He would give that to Elindra, when she did something, she didn’t do it in half.

They had barely set one foot inside the Trinkets’ house three weeks earlier that she had whisked them out again so he could meet his new doctor who, as it turned out, was Panem’s specialist when it came to liver troubles. Haymitch would have preferred to go on with Larcher but the professor wasn’t too bad – he couldn’t afford to be given how much the clinic was coasting them – he had answered Haymitch’s and Effie’s questions and had put most of his fears about mutt technology to rest. This was routine to him, he had said.

It was routine to everyone in that place except to him and his family.

He had spent their first week in the city with his kids. There was a lot of press attention but that was inevitable and it had eased a little after the first couple of days – thanks, he was sure, to Plutarch. He hadn’t let that stop him and he had taken the kids out to the fair and the park and every place in the Capitol he could bear to go.

He had been adamant he didn’t want the children in the clinic, not even for a visit. Effie had tried to change his mind but had eventually relented, aware that he didn’t want them to see him stuck to a bed, his health deteriorating with every new day. They had had a perfect week – or as close to perfect as it would get – and he wanted them to keep that image of him.

It didn’t mean they didn’t ask after him and cried for him every day – that, he knew from Elindra since Effie wouldn’t tell him to spare his feelings. .

Effie wasn’t faring very well either but she was always steadfast when it came to times of crisis and she dealt with it the only way she knew: with schedules, lists and an over-the-top cheerfulness.

Katniss and Peeta were doing their best to sound unworried too. They called ever night, like clockwork, to tell him about what had happened in Twelve that day – little, as it always turned out – and update him on the geese and Snowball and the kittens. They were terrified and anxious for the whole thing to be over and nothing told him that like the last phone call the night before the transplant surgery was scheduled.

“I love you.” Katniss said quickly, her voice strangely strangled. “Please, don’t die.”

She handed the phone back to Peeta before he could answer and he cleared his throat, trying to get rid of the lump that was stuck there. “Take care of her, yeah?”

“Always.” Peeta promised with far too much solemnity. “I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Sure thing.” He forced a smirk but his tone wasn’t as detached as he would have liked. “And, boy…”

“No goodbyes, Haymitch.” the kid refused. “I’ll talk to you soon.”

He had thought that phone call would be the hardest, he should have known better. Because nothing was worse than the procession of Trinkets standing at the foot of his bed the next morning and the glances they kept throwing at the clock.

The clock, he knew from experience, wouldn’t stop ticking and, too soon, the nurses would come and take him away so the professor could cut him open and replace his busted liver with a brand new one.

Effie wouldn’t stop fretting.

She kept fixing the blankets to make sure he was warm enough, kept trying to pat his pillows, kept fiddling with her butterfly necklace…

Half an hour before the nurses were supposed to come fetch him, he cleared his throat. “You mind giving me and Tadius a moment?”

Effie frowned but Elindra’s sharp gaze darted between him and her daughter with a keen understanding of what he might want to discuss with his father-in-law.

“Of course not!” the Capitol exclaimed with far too much enthusiasm, nudging Effie toward the door. She briefly paused to awkwardly pat Haymitch’s hand on their way out. “Everything will be perfectly fine, you will see. Professor Torton is the very best and if he fails to fix you we will sue him for everything he is worth. It should be enough incentive for him to save you.”

“Mother!” Effie hissed.

Haymitch chuckled. He wasn’t sure if she had meant to comfort him with that but Elindra would never completely change and he had grown somewhat fond of her Capitol quirks. Even more so because he suspected she was only saying those insensitive things to distract Effie. He squeezed her hand before she managed to usher his wife out of the room and the look they shared was self-explanatory.

They would never really understand each other but they were family now, for better or for worse. Hell, he had even learned not to mind calling her Mother in the last couple of years. Well… Not too much, at least.

“I know what you might wish to ask me…” Tadius said as soon as the door had closed behind the two Capitols. “… and you do not need to worry, Haymitch.”

“If the worst happens…” he insisted – because he had to think about it.

If he died on the table, Effie would find herself with enough money to leave comfortably with her dressmaking business but not much more. Almost all their savings had gone into this…

And her family had let her down once already.

“If the worst happens, Effie and the children will be taken care of.” his father-in-law promised, awkwardly patting his leg over the blanket.

“It’s not only them I’m worried about.” he sighed. “Katniss and Peeta…”

“Are just as much Effie’s children as April and Aidan. Elindra and I accepted that years ago.” Tadius cut him off. “We won’t leave them to fend for themselves either.”

He nodded, a little relieved to hear it. “I have a will. And the house’s deed is in the study. You know… In case Effie needs it.” He licked his lips and averted his eyes. “If I kick the bucket… I’m sure they’re gonna want to make a spectacle of the funerals… Don’t let them, alright? I want something simple in Twelve. Just family.”  

Tadius cleared his throat, obviously ill-at-ease. “I am certain Effie already knows…”

“She does but if I don’t make it…” He shook his head. “She’s strong. She’s gonna bounce back but she’s gonna need help to do stuff. I don’t want her… I don’t…”

He let that sentence trail off. The simple thought of losing Effie was crushing. He had spent too many months dreading it when she was pregnant with Aidan. He knew exactly how he would have felt if he had lost her, he knew he wouldn’t have been able to function for a long time – if ever again – and Effie loved him just as much as he loved her. He couldn’t imagine any scenario in which she didn’t fall apart if she were to lose him.

“I will take care of her, Haymitch.” the man promised again. “I will take care of them.”

“Not just with money, yeah?” he requested. “’Cause the kids… They’re gonna have Peeta but he’s a boy still. You’re gonna need to step up, Tadius.”

The man stared at him, his face a blank mask of resolve. “I know you are scared but everything will be alright. This is routine to those people. I promised Effie the best and I found the best. They will fix you up and you will be back home in a tic.”

Haymitch hoped he was right, he dearly hoped it. But luck hadn’t always been on his side and he would rather be safe than sorry.

“I’m glad I got to know you.” he offered with a smirk. “Won’t lie, I think you were an asshole to Effie for most of her life but you’ve really improved with age.”

Tadius seemed torn between being offended and amused. In the end, amusement won and he flashed Haymitch a rare smile. “Do not tell Leo but you are my favorite son-in-law. Now… I will see you after your surgery. I will send Effie in, shall I?”

He nodded his assent and forced himself to get a grip. He needed to be strong for her because he would be damned if the last image she would keep of him was him being scared to death of his own end.

He saw straight through the brave face and the blinding smile she was wearing when she stepped inside, closing the door behind her as if she wanted to shut the world out. That was her escort’s face, a face he hadn’t seen in a very long time. One he had hoped to never see again.

“It won’t be long now.” she hummed, as if they were talking about an appointment at the coffee shop with the Clarkes instead of a life altering surgery.

He slipped his wedding band off his finger, not quite surprised when it came off without much difficulties. He had lost some weight. “You keep that safe for me, yeah?”

She took it from him and stared at it for a few seconds before slipping it on her thumb. “I will give it back to you tonight.”

“You do that.” he smirked, holding out his hand, palm up. She took it with an even more forced smile. He squeezed her fingers. “There’s no use to you sticking around the clinic all day. Go home and play with the kids, okay?”

She shook her head. “I am staying. Lyssa is taking all the children to Capitol Park.”

He scowled but didn’t insist. She could out-stubborn him any day.

“Look… I know you don’t want to hear it, sweetheart…” he hesitated.

“There won’t be any sort of goodbyes.” she warned. “I refuse to hear it. Everything will be fine.”

Her optimism had always irritated him and, while today was no exception, he made an effort not to let it show. “Just in case. I wrote letters… To the kids. For when they’re older. They’re in the drawer.” He nodded to the nightstand. “And…”

“No, Haymitch.” she cut him off, her mask of cheerfulness melting away. “Please, do not do this to me. We will die when we are extremely old and not before. We will have a whole full life together.”

“Just tell the kids I love them.” he insisted. “Make sure they know.”

“They do know.” she whispered. “We all know.” She jutted her chin higher in the air and blinked away the tears. “Which is why you are going to survive this. You better give me your token. I do not think they will allow you to wear it in the operating room.”

His eyes darted to the golden bangle around his wrist. It was strange how he was sometimes aware of his wedding band but had gotten so used to the bangle that he had stopped noticing it altogether. He had completely forgotten he was even wearing it. It was stranger still to let her take it off and to watch it bounce around her own wrist once she had put it on.

The knock on the door came too soon.

When the nurses walked in, there was still a thousand things he wanted to tell her.

“I love you.” he murmured.

It summed it all up, after all, didn’t it?

“I love you too.” she whispered, leaning down to press a desperate kiss to his lips.

She held his hand all the way to the door and then was forced to let go. The last image he had of her was her face crumbling into deep worry. He caught a glimpse of her parents’ faces as the gurney was rolled past them, he answered Elindra’s fake encouraging smile with a wink and then he closed his eyes and tried not to panic too much. He hated being helpless, he hated the thought that he would be out for the count while someone rummaged inside his body, but he was pretty sure he would hate being dead even more.

It was all very anticlimactic. They rolled him in an operation room, prepared him for surgery and eventually hooked him up to something. He was asked to count down from one hundred, started getting dizzy after ninety-five and went under at ninety.

He had time to think that if that was how it ended, it wasn’t so bad. Painless, at least.

Pain came after.

Although he wouldn’t have been able to say how long after.

His eyelids fluttered opened but everything was blurry, voices were distorted and he didn’t fight to stay awake.

The next time he opened his eyes, everything was still blurry but he recognized Effie’s face towering over him. She was talking and crying but the words didn’t make sense, he couldn’t understand them. He tried to reach for her face but couldn’t lift his arm. He fell back asleep.

At last, he awoke to a clear world, with the beeping of machines in his ears and far less dizzy than previously. His body hurt, his stomach particularly, but the pain was dulled in a way that indicated the use of painkillers. He blinked a few times, moved his hand…

His fingers bumped against something soft that turned out to be Effie’s hair. She was slumped on a chair next to his bed, her upper body on the mattress, her head on her folded arms, sound asleep. He had to do a huge effort to brush the blond strands away from her face. She didn’t stir. He tried to call her name but all that came out of his mouth was a groan.

Dread gripped his guts. What if something had gone wrong and he was diminished now? The beeping to his left quickened and someone soon entered his line of sight.

Elindra must have been standing next to the window because he hadn’t seen her before.

“There you are.” she said in her usual brisk tone. She kept her voice low though and the glance she tossed Effie told him she didn’t want to disturb her daughter’s rest. “Sleeping for two days. Truly, Haymitch. You had us worried sick.” He tried to speak again, grunted something unintelligible and then licked his lips when he realized his mouth was parched. Elindra must have understood the problem because she hurriedly grabbed a plastic glass from the bedside table and guided the straw to his mouth. “Now, do not tell anyone I did this. It will not do to have them think I would do a good nurse.”

He chuckled but immediately winced when the pain flared in his torso. Was it supposed to hurt that much?

“How…” he tried, almost relieved to find he could form words when he wasn’t parched.

“It went tremendously well.” she promised, awkwardly patting his shoulder. “Professor Torton promised you were as good as new. Did I not tell you a thousand times those operations were routine to those doctors? Now, you will have to follow the prescribed treatment, of course, and you will not recover in a mere couple of days so there will be none of those stunts you and Effie like to pull. You will take the time to properly recover with us before wandering back to your District. I will hear no objection.”

And she probably wouldn’t.

“I’m good?” he croaked, his voice breaking for more than one reason. “I’m not gonna die?”

It was hard to tell with all the plastic in her face but he thought Elindra’s expression softened. “No, you are not going to die any time soon, Haymitch. You will see your children grow up.” He couldn’t help the smile and he didn’t even protest when the Capitol woman tentatively touched his fingers. He squeezed her hand without thinking twice about it. She cleared her throat, her voice a little rougher than usual. “You are truly one ridiculous reckless man, Haymitch. Must you be so attaching? Imagine that. You had me worried. I think I liked it better when I hated you.”

“Nah, you didn’t…” he mumbled with a smirk, squeezing her hand again. “Mother.”

She rolled her eyes, pursed her lips and clucked her tongue. “Effie is in a dreadful state. She has not moved from your bedside since they brought you back. Please, convince her to go home as soon as she wakes up. The children are asking for her.”

He nodded but fell asleep long before his wife actually woke up.

He wasn’t sure how long it lasted this time because when he woke up Elindra was gone and Effie wasn’t wearing the same clothes so he figured she had gone home at some point.

“Hey.” he smirked, his voice hoarse.

Her head darted up and her blue eyes immediately met his, her lips stretching in an impossibly bright smile.

“Hello.” she grinned.

“You’re beautiful.” he muttered because it was true. He hadn’t seen her look so glowing and happy since… He frowned. “Are we pregnant again?”

She frowned too, her smile slowly fading. “They promised me you were completely fine. Did the anesthesia broke your brain? I read it could happen…”

He thought that over for a second, his thoughts jumbled by the painkillers he was still hooked to. “Don’t think so. Might be high though. Can’t be sure. It’s been a while.”

Her lips twitched and she brushed her fingers against his cheek. “You did it. You survived.”

“So we can go home?” he asked hopefully. He was sick and tired of the hospital.

“Soon.” she laughed, sounding so happy he wanted to kiss her. He wanted to kiss her and never stop. “We can go home and live the rest of our lives.”

That sounded so good…

The rest of their lives…

He couldn’t wait.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #154

“the wind is screaming, it’s screaming your name; it sounds like fear.”

What is your opinion on sex without emotional commitment?  nononononoNONONONO. Last time you puked from drinking?  Never. What books, if any, have made you cry?  Johnny Got His Gun, Old Yeller, The Outsiders (I think; I know the movie did), The Notebook, uhhh others, I'm sure. Does it get annoying when somebody says they’ll call you, but doesn’t?  It depends on the person, but honestly, almost never.  I hate talking on the phone. What is your favorite simple ice-cream flavor?  Usually vanilla, but sometimes I'm all about chocolate, especially if I can't put chocolate syrup on it. When was the last time you slept on the floor?  Jeez, probably when me and Jason did at my house.  I've slept on an inflatable mattress since, but I'm guessing you mean literally on the floor with blankets and such. If you could eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?  I dunno.  I doubt it really, but don't potatoes have all the nutrients you actually need to survive?  If so, then probably that, but otherwise, uh.  I dunno, I'd get tired of things or die 'cuz I'm not getting what I need. I could say shakes, but I consider those drinks. Have you ever given someone oral sex?  Yeah, fucking hated it.  I'm bi, yes, but visually, penises are disgusting to me.  I don't want it in my mouth.  I only ever really did it to make him happy.  I'm open to trying it with a girl, but who knows if I'd like it. What's your favorite lyric from the last song you listened to?  "Hey, hey, NRA, how many kids did you kill today?" ("Shelter In Place" by Otep) Are you friends with someone that has a baby?  My best friend does. How many different towns/cities have you lived in?  Three. Have you ever had a kinky dream about a celebrity?  No. How many pets do you have? Would you like any more?  Six, and I kinda want another snake to breed with Venus when she's big enough.  I want to keep at least one of the babies to help with Sara's snake breeding passion. Is there a song you can’t stop listening to atm?  Oh yeesh, yeah.  I've fallen in love with Powerwolf recently and thus play a number of their songs repeatedly. How many bedrooms does your home have?  Two. How many times do you use a bath towel before washing it?  Once.  Annoys the hell out of Mom but like, I feel like there may be leftover germs I'm getting off + maybe dead skin 'cuz my skin in dry as fuck??? What time do you usually eat dinner?  This can vary from 6:00 to like almost 9:00.  I can't cook and Mom works late, so.  I'll make my own microwavable things if I can't wait for her to make something. Do you know any narcissists?  Jason????? Dillon????? dat u???????? Have you ever been falsely accused of something serious?  I don't believe so? In which were you happiest: elementary, middle, or high school?  Elementary. What was your favorite thing to do as a little kid?  Video games. You can bring back one dead pet to life. Which one?  Cali, for Mom.  She misses her so much. Rock, paper, or scissors?  I think I usually do scissors. Who was the last person to ask you out? Girt. What are your favorite pajamas you have? My purple, black, and white Jack Skellington ones ahhh What’s your least favorite ice-cream flavor?  Strawberry is disgusting. Do you prefer it when it gets darker earlier?  NOOOOO.  This is totally inverted from how it used to be, but I'm more likely to feel down when it's dark. Are there a lot of cookbooks in your house, or just a few? Or maybe none at all?  Mom has tons she never uses. Who are your godparents?  I don't think I have any. Can you touch​ your nose with your tongue?​​  No. What brand is your toothpaste?  Crest. Are you currently broken out?  No. What was the last hotel you stayed at? I dunno. Do you have a favorite NASCAR driver?  No. Eyeliner. Yes or no?  If I wear makeup, that's the bare minimum. What’s the hardest decision you’ve ever had to make?  Let Jason go or continue to let what we had ruin my life. Where is the last beach you went to?  Myrtle Beach, NC. Have you ever been rock climbing?  Nah, not interested. Have you ever played Gamecube?  No. What has been the biggest event for you to overcome?  Recovery.  It changed me for the better so much. Do you have a favorite pet?  No one can beat Teddy.  I doubt any pet ever will. When someone drops something do you immediately go and pick it up for them?  If I’m close, unless they're already reaching for it, yes. Could you call your best friend right now and tell them your biggest secret, and trust them to keep it?  HAHAHAHA NO tbh.  I love her, but she tells people everything. Have you ever played Wii Fit?  Yup.  Everyday one summer, lost 40 pounds, got in great shape. Have you ever touched a caterpillar?  Yeah, loved picking up the ordinary ones as a kid. Is there a YouTube channel whose videos you always watch?  I will watch literally any video Mark makes. How often do you feel lonely?  This is like.  Almost a daily struggle. Do you struggle with depression?  I'm diagnosed with it, but it's well-controlled now! While in a relationship, do you ever think about its possible end?  I worry about it BADLY.  Even in my current one where I feel completely secure, I have some spans of "what if" anxiety. What is the worst treatment you’ve had to put up with from someone else?  Ummmm.  I dunno. What’s the longest you’ve gone without eating?  24 hours, probs. Do you like watching music videos?  No.  I just care about the music. Which, if any, drug have you ever abused?  None. Do you know your mail (wo)man?  No. Honestly, are you often high-maintenance/hard to please?  No. Are there any flags flying outside at your home?  No. Will you vote in the next presidential election?  If the remaining candidates don't fucking suck, yes. Tell me about someone that you know dislikes you. What do you think is about you they don’t like?  The one person I know doesn't is my best friend's mom, but I can't tell you exactly why.  There's no telling what Colleen told her after our fight, but.  Colleen has told me her mom thinks I could "hurt" her son somehow.  I was fucking livid.  I adore that boy and would do anything to protect him.  Oh yeah, know she mentioned I was a bad influence, too.  But hey, the hate is mutual, I've never been able to stand her. Tell me about something you’re afraid of. Why does it frighten you?  Getting heartbroken again.  Last time tore me the fuck apart, I seriously don't know if I could do it again.  Worst pain I have ever experienced. Is there someone you could hang out with all the time, without ever getting bored of them?  Sara <3 Have you ever liked someone else when you already had a boyfriend/girlfriend? What happened?  Yup, first high school crush Sebastian.  And nothing really happened; he was taken (though I'm pretty sure he had at least mild feelings for me too), though it was at a complicated point.  Then I met Jason. What mountain ranges have you seen?  The Appalachians. Where would you most like to go in your state, etc that you haven’t been?  THERE'S AN ABANDONED WIZARD OF OZ-THEMED PARK IN THE WEST AND I WANNA VISIT. Have you ever seen or touched an iceberg?  No. Where was the most remote location you’ve ever been to? I dunno. What is your most unhealthy habit? Not exercising? Has your house ever been damaged in a storm? A tree fell on our old house during a hurricane.  It didn't cause severe damage or anything, though. What’s the least amount you’ve weighed since reaching your full height? ~118.  Hilarious. Do you think it’s cruel to keep an animal in a cage while you’re away?  Depends on the size of the cage and how long they're staying in there. Are you scared of reptiles?  Not at all. Does death scare you?  Not that much. Do you use a comb or brush?  Comb now that my hair's short. When you were younger, did you ever do that exclamation point that looked like an upside down triangle and had a really big dot?  No. What kind of relationship do you have with the last person you kissed?  She's my girlfriend. Are there things in your life that you’ll never be able to get over?  If I could get over my breakup, I can get over anything. Have you ever turned to smoking or drinking to solve a problem?  New Years of 2017 I actually did try to get drunk for that purpose. Would you mind dating someone significantly shorter than you?  No. What’s on your bedside table? Yeesh, a lot.  A fan, a basket with all my meds in it, sketchbook, notebook, my folder full of things from Holly Hill as well as my therapy homework folder.  There's other miscellaneous stuff too. How much money would it take to get you to give up the Internet for one year?  This is pathetic, but probably like... no amount.  My life sadly revolves around it, just about. What are some things on your holiday wishlist?  Always tattoo money lmao.  But I'd really love a drawing tablet, but a decent quality one.  Can't have both. Who accompanied you to your first concert?  Jason, Mom, and Nicole. What’s the temperature outside?  Phone says 79.  Gonna get to 90, though. Have you ever been in detention?  Yes, too many tardies getting to school. Do you wear black to look skinnier?  Not for that reason, but it's a plus lol. Do you have scars on your wrists?  You can barely see them, but they're there. How about anywhere else?  Yeah, quite a few. Do you post things on Facebook that are personal?  No. Has the last person you kissed ever taken their shirt off in front of you?  Just to change it. Would you ever get in the passenger seat of a car with someone who’s been drinking?  Fuck that. What is a topic you definitely don’t want to talk about with anyone?  How I'm 99% sure I lost my virginity. What is the craziest hairstyle and color you’ve had?  Style, probably what I had before this where I had short hair on most of my left side and it faded to long.  Color, purple. What was your first gaming console?  Original PlayStation. Which fictional villain is your favorite?  Um obviously Darkiplier???????? What’s the last thing you’ve made with your hands?  Hm.  Dunno. Which hair color would you never want to have?  Yellow. Who’s the last person you talked to about sex?  Sara. What is the wallpaper on your phone?  My lock screen is a heavy reminder that I am still straight as fuck for Mark, home screen is my favorite pic of me and Sara. What was the last thing you wrote down?  Stuff at the tattoo/piercing parlor to get my tongue done. What is your least favorite color?  Puke green or olive. What’s the most boring sport to watch?  Golf.  Sara, don't tell your dad I said that.

[shatteredlovers]

BABE ANSWER ALL OF THE QUESTIONSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

I’m gonna fight u

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? u2. Are you outgoing or shy? shy3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? u... and my nj peeps at the end of the semester4. Are you easy to get along with? ye i think so5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? u do lol6. What kind of people are you attracted to? u 7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? yes (:8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? i’m wondering how my little brothers are making out in college!!9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? no10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? wendy, lexie, or dom I’m not sure11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? “she’s just bein safe!!”12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? “Rivers and Roads” by The Head and the Heart, “Feels like Summer” by Childish Gambino, “Fallingwater” by Maggie Rogers, “Peach Scone” by Hobo Johnson, and I can’t think of another rn but I’m listening to “17″ by Youth Lagoon.13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? YES14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? yeah15. What good thing happened this summer? I got to spend it with u making memories16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? hell yeah (;17. Do you think there is life on other planets? yes18. Do you still talk to your first crush? no19. Do you like bubble baths? yes!!20. Do you like your neighbors? i don’t know them /:21. What are you bad habits? i’m messy tbh22. Where would you like to travel? oh god everywhere, but i’d really like to meet my cousins in Scotland23. Do you have trust issues? I did but I feel good now24. Favorite part of your daily routine? putting my feet up at the end of the day to eat and watch New Girl or Big Mouth25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? maybe my teddies mostly bc they hurt my back lol26. What do you do when you wake up? i hit snooze about 6 times27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? nah i’m chill28. Who are you most comfortable around? wendy29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? all but one30. Do you ever want to get married? yes i do31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail? yes!32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? rihanna and harry styles are prob my top33. Spell your name with your chin. sd jk,hg34. Do you play sports? What sports? i don’t anymore lol35. Would you rather live without TV or music? tv36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? that was my entire childhood-adolescence 37. What do you say during awkward silences? nothing, they don't bother me rly38. Describe your dream girl/guy? u wendy!!!!39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? i like thrift stores, h&m, target, honestly wherever40. What do you want to do after high school? I’m gonna be a music therapist41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? no42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? I’m probably either observing, spaced out, sleepy, or fuming.43. Do you smile at strangers? yeah44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? ocean45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? there’s stuff i gotta do46. What are you paranoid about? figuring out internship stuff coming in the next year47. Have you ever been high? once48. Have you ever been drunk? plenty49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? no50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? gray51. Ever wished you were someone else? when i was like 12/13 i did a lot52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? i wish i was a little more organized53. Favourite makeup brand? thATS HARD54. Favourite store? barnes and noble55. Favourite blog? urs56. Favourite color? dark green57. Favourite food? eggplant parmesan 58. Last thing you ate? a lifesaver gummy that my client’s sister gave me!59. First thing you ate this morning? baby carrots60. Ever won a competition? For what? idk honestly lol i’ve won singing things61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? no62. Been arrested? For what? no63. Ever been in love? i’m falling right now.64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? i was taken advantage of so it kind of blew65. Are you hungry right now? very66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? i like you all equally!!!!67. Facebook or Twitter? neither68. Twitter or Tumblr? tumblr69. Are you watching tv right now? no70. Names of your bestfriends? i have quite a few71. Craving something? What? u wendy i want to snug72. What colour are your towels? turquoise72. How many pillows do you sleep with? 173. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? sometimes but i usually hug wendy or my pillow74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? 1, I got rid of everything but a sloth that my friend got me when i got into my car accident75. Favourite animal? dogs and owls76. What colour is your underwear? i’m not wearing any lol77. Chocolate or Vanilla? chocolate all the way78. Favourite ice cream flavor? chocolate fudge brownie ben and jerrys

79. What colour shirt are you wearing? gray-blue

80. What colour pants? gray81. Favourite tv show? i love the office, criminal minds, and new girl82. Favourite movie? When Harry Met Sally or Dead Poets Society83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? original84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? idk they’re different types of funny lol85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? idk86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? squirt87. First person you talked to today? lexie88. Last person you talked to today? my supervisor89. Name a person you hate? i don’t really hate anyone, i just distance myself from people that are toxic to my wellbeing.90. Name a person you love? I love you, Wendy.91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? nope!92. In a fight with someone? nope!93. How many sweatpants do you have? 3 pairs maybe94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? too many (i.e. not enough)95. Last movie you watched? Scarface96. Favourite actress? eh97. Favourite actor? eh98. Do you tan a lot? no99. Have any pets? I HAVE A BUNNY HERE IN AZ AND IN JERSEY I HAVE TWO DOGS AND A FISH AT MY PARENTS100. How are you feeling? p good 101. Do you type fast?decently fast if i don't think about it lol102. Do you regret anything from your past? not really103. Can you spell well? yes my grandpa made me spell all the time as a kid104. Do you miss anyone from your past? no105. Ever been to a bonfire party? yes they're my fave106. Ever broken someone’s heart? yeah107. Have you ever been on a horse? no108. What should you be doing? my session summaries and activity write-up for tomorrow109. Is something irritating you right now? i slammed my foot getting out of the car and idk if i super fucked something up bc its hurts rly bad110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? yeah111. Do you have trust issues? i did but i’m ok now112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? probably wendy113. What was your childhood nickname? M&M114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? yeah115. Do you play the Wii? i have before lol116. Are you listening to music right now? yes “let’s talk about feelings” by joywave117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? yes118. Do you like Chinese food? YES119. Favourite book? idk i rly like classics120. Are you afraid of the dark? partially121. Are you mean? i can be122. Is cheating ever okay? N O 123. Can you keep white shoes clean? no i suck124. Do you believe in love at first sight? no but you can click w someone125. Do you believe in true love? sure126. Are you currently bored? no127. What makes you happy? you, my friends, my family, animals, music128. Would you change your name? thought about changing it to my middle name129. What your zodiac sign? libra130. Do you like subway? eh jersey mikes is better131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? say thanks but i love wendy132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? i think i already answered this133. Favourite lyrics right now? idk134. Can you count to one million? no i lose focus easily135. Dumbest lie you ever told? idk lol136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? closed and often locked137. How tall are you? 5′2138. Curly or Straight hair? i have straight hair but i love curly hair139. Brunette or Blonde? i love brunette hair140. Summer or Winter? summer in jersey, winter in AZ141. Night or Day? night142. Favourite month? October143. Are you a vegetarian? not a chance144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? DARK CHOCOLATE145. Tea or Coffee? i like both146. Was today a good day? yeah it was my session went rly well w my client147. Mars or Snickers? snickers all the way148. What’s your favourite quote? “If flowers can grow through blankets of melting snow there is hope for me” - @tylerknott149. Do you believe in ghosts? yes150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? i don’t have a book anywhere near me unfortunately lol

[coffeebeanscreative]

I’m in a chatty mood, Tumblr

Ask me: 

1). Favorite book:

2). Top 3 favorite movies.

3). Top 5 favorite songs.

4). Do you like storms?

5). What’s your favorite tv show?

6). What do you do for a living?

7). Coffee or tea? 

8). Do you like to read?

9). Tell me about 3 people who have changed your life.

10). Tell me about a hidden talent.

11). Introverted or extroverted?

12). Do you prefer texts or calling someone?

13). Biggest accomplishment?

14). 5 things you want to do before you die

15). Biggest fear and/or greatest dream?

16). Would you rather go to the beach or hike in the mountains?

17). Do you have any pets? If so, names? If not, do you want a pet?

18). Tell me a story.

19). How’s your heart doing?

20). Do you feel alone right now?

21). Favorite memory?

22). 3 things you hope that happen this year

23). What’s your favorite way to wind down at the end of the day?

24). Tell me a joke.

25). 5 things you wish you could tell a younger version of yourself?

26). How do you feel about roller coasters?

27). Scared of the dark?

28). Do you have a favorite number?

29). Any tattoos? Do you want one if you don’t have one?

30). Do you have any piercings?

 31). Tell me the craziest thing you’ve ever done.

32). Do you have a hard time accepting compliments?

33). What time is it, and what’s on your mind?

34). Are you looking forward to anything?

35). Biggest regret?

36). 3 things you want to learn

37). Do you remember your dreams in the morning?

38). Do you like the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade?

39). Favorite season? Why?

40). Do you write in pen or pencil more?

41). Do you like to make lists?

42). Name your top 5 favorite characters from a book, tv show, movie, play, etc.

43). Did you play outside a lot as a kid? Do you still?

44). How often do you take time for yourself?

45). Are you stressed? 

46). Have you ever done something you know you shouldn’t have?

47). What’s your #1 pet peeve?

48). Do you like to cook or bake?

49). Are you dating someone?

50). Do you like to write or draw?

51). Do you play an instrument?

52). 3 places you want to visit and why

53). What’s your best friend like?

54). You are able to re-live one day from someone else’s perspective. What day do you choose? Who’s perspective are you viewing it from?

55). Have you ever done something that someone didn’t believe you could do?

56). Favorite animal?

57). Favorite ice cream flavor?

58). Favorite smell?

59). What does the word family mean to you?

60). How often do attend social events? (Parties, hanging out with friends, etc).

61). You have unlimited money. What do you do with it? Why?

62). Do you prefer sugary or salty foods?

63). Do you like spicy food?

64). Tell me why you followed me.

65). Where do you want to be in a year?

66). Do you wear glasses or contacts?

67). Favorite outfit you own? Post a picture if you can.

68). Are you a dog or a cat person?

69). How do you feel about small talk?

70). Have you ever told someone you love them and then regretted it?

71). Story of your first kiss?

72). How many blankets do you sleep with?

73). Are you comfortable right now?

74). Have you ever been to a funeral?

75). Have you ever smoked?

76). How often do you tell someone you love them?

77). Pineapple on pizza: great or disgusting?

78). How often do you spend time outside? 

79). Have you ever gone camping?

80). Have you ever gone fishing?

81). Weirdest thing you’ve ever done?

82). You become your favorite animal. How do you spend your day?

83). Do you like your cookies chewy or crunchy?

84). Do you like bonfires?

85). Bugs and spiders: do they freak you out, or are they kind of cute?

86). You’re stranded on an island with someone. Who do you hope it is?

87). You wake up with a brand new skill mastered. What is it, and why?

88). Can you crochet/knit/sew?

89). What’s your favorite thing you’ve ever bought?

90). Do you have a favorite Christmas or birthday present that someone got you?

91). Do you like to exercise?

92). Candles or flowers?

93). What is your favorite food?

94). What’s your dream job?

95). Have you been to a different country?

96). Are you good at spelling?

97). Name 3 things you love about yourself.

98). Are you busy a lot?

99). 3 things you’re scared of.

100). Do you have any siblings?

101). Have you ever done karaoke? 

[thequeerexpoditionist-blog]

1-150 my dude

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? My friend who was being hit on so I had to pretend to be her lesbian lover2. Are you outgoing or shy? A lil bit of both3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? A person that I enjoy being around 4. Are you easy to get along with? I think so5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? Yeah I think so6. What kind of people are you attracted to? Idk I base it off of their energy 7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? I hope so but who knows I take it a day at a time 8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? Nobody 9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? Nah10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? Alex11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? "Oml"12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? playboy shit, Silence, Stone, Don't You Know, Karma Police13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? Yeah14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? Yeah15. What good thing happened this summer? Pride 16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? No it was dumb17. Do you think there is life on other planets? I'm sure there is like we can't be the only ones18. Do you still talk to your first crush? No19. Do you like bubble baths? Sometimes 20. Do you like your neighbors? Yeah21. What are you bad habits? Oh I have a bunch22. Where would you like to travel? Everywhere dude23. Do you have trust issues? Ye24. Favorite part of your daily routine? Sleep boi25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? Yes26. What do you do when you wake up? Take my meds27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? Neither 28. Who are you most comfortable around? My friends29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? Yeah30. Do you ever want to get married? Maybe31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail? Nope32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? Idk man 33. Spell your name with your chin. Fav th34. Do you play sports? What sports? No35. Would you rather live without TV or music? Tv fo sho I love music too much36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? Yeah37. What do you say during awkward silences? Random words38. Describe your dream girl/guy? Ahsvsh39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? Goodwill & target are the top two40. What do you want to do after high school? Go to college 41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? People who prove they do should, but certain people don't 42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? I'm sad, confused, mad, or deep in thought 43. Do you smile at strangers? Yeah44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? Both gives me anxiety to think about 😂45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? I have things to take care of (my animals)46. What are you paranoid about? Everything 47. Have you ever been high? Hello yes48. Have you ever been drunk? Yeah49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? No I don't think so50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? Black51. Ever wished you were someone else? Nah52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? Yes53. Favourite makeup brand? Not really any54. Favourite store? Goodwill 55. Favourite blog? The person who asked this question ayooo56. Favourite colour? Forest green57. Favourite food? Idk all of it58. Last thing you ate? Pineapple59. First thing you ate this morning? Eggos60. Ever won a competition? For what? Yes forever ago in elementary for track and field 61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? Yes bc of weed brownies kms62. Been arrested? For what? No63. Ever been in love? Yes64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? Under a blanket in my room with a girl from downstairs when I was 8/965. Are you hungry right now? Not really 66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? I love them all the same67. Facebook or Twitter? Twitter has more tea68. Twitter or Tumblr? Tumblr69. Are you watching tv right now? No70. Names of your bestfriends? Liz71. Craving something? What? Love & attention duh72. What colour are your towels? White72. How many pillows do you sleep with? A lot73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? No74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? Like 5 or 675. Favourite animal? Lion76. What colour is your underwear? Blue77. Chocolate or Vanilla? Vanilla 78. Favourite ice cream flavour? Rocky road79. What colour shirt are you wearing? Black80. What colour pants? Blue star wars pajama pants lmao81. Favourite tv show? Supernatural 82. Favourite movie? Atm it's rhps83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? Mean girls tf84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? Man I love both85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? The dumb one 86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? The starfish 87. First person you talked to today? Alex 88. Last person you talked to today? So far, alex89. Name a person you hate? Sndbsbs90. Name a person you love? My sister91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? No92. In a fight with someone? No93. How many sweatpants do you have? 3 I think94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? A bunch95. Last movie you watched? The Way He Looks96. Favourite actress? Cara Delevingne 97. Favourite actor? Idk Jensen I guess98. Do you tan a lot? Not really 99. Have any pets? A bunch100. How are you feeling? Moderate 101. Do you type fast? Kinda 102. Do you regret anything from your past? Yeah103. Can you spell well? Sure104. Do you miss anyone from your past? Yeah105. Ever been to a bonfire party? Yepp106. Ever broken someone’s heart? Probably 107. Have you ever been on a horse? Ye108. What should you be doing? Nothing really 109. Is something irritating you right now? Sorta110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? Ye111. Do you have trust issues? Yes112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? My grandma 113. What was your childhood nickname? I didn't really have one114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? Yes115. Do you play the Wii? Used to116. Are you listening to music right now? Yepp117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? Yeah 118. Do you like Chinese food? Yess119. Favourite book? Dark parties 120. Are you afraid of the dark? Not really 121. Are you mean? Nah only if someone pushes me to that point122. Is cheating ever okay? Nope123. Can you keep white shoes clean? If I try hard enough 124. Do you believe in love at first sight? Eh125. Do you believe in true love? Yeah 126. Are you currently bored? Sorta127. What makes you happy? Many things128. Would you change your name? No129. What your zodiac sign? Virgo130. Do you like subway? No131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? Yikes gotta blast132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? I answered this133. Favourite lyrics right now? The lyrics to Stone by Jaymes Young134. Can you count to one million? Ugh too many numbers 135. Dumbest lie you ever told? That I'm attractive hA dumb bitch no ones gonna believe that bs136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? I haVe nO dOoR137. How tall are you? 5'8138. Curly or Straight hair? Wavy ish139. Brunette or Blonde? Either 140. Summer or Winter? Winter 141. Night or Day? Evening 142. Favourite month? October 143. Are you a vegetarian? No 144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? Dark145. Tea or Coffee? Tea146. Was today a good day? Eh 147. Mars or Snickers? Snickers 148. What’s your favourite quote? Idk149. Do you believe in ghosts? Ye150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? "Any life was better than death, wasn't it?"

[diamond-anon]

Psst do all of the get to know me questions

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? it was a while go, with a girl i went on a date with to 6 flags

2. Are you outgoing or shy? very shy

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? my friend brook at school tomorrow and a camp friend in march

4. Are you easy to get along with? sort of

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? my ex best friend but we hardly talk

6. What kind of people are you attracted to? I tend to be attracted to other people with autism which is good for me

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? doubt it but id love it

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? not really anyone 

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? not at all

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? my dad, we talked about M*A*S*H

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? “thank you I’m so glad you enjoyed it”

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? seasons of love, light my candle, belief, 

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? yes but only people I trust

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? sort of

15. What good thing happened this summer? I went to camp

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?absolutely

17. Do you think there is life on other planets? I think there is life in other universes so we cant reach them

18. Do you still talk to your first crush? ew no 

19. Do you like bubble baths? yes

20. Do you like your neighbors? I don’t trust either side 

21. What are you bad habits? I pull out my eyelashes and 

22. Where would you like to travel?

23. Do you have trust issues? very much so

24. Favorite part of your daily routine? warming my voice up in the morning

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? my boobs. I don’t want them.

26. What do you do when you wake up? I cover my head up with blankets

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? not really

28. Who are you most comfortable around? I’m not completely comfortable with anyone 

29. Have any of your exs told you they regret breaking up? yes

30. Do you ever want to get married? yes but I don’t see that happening

31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail? nope I keep it short

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? laura osnes and Jeremy Jordan oops

33. Spell your name with your chin. duamonf

34. Do you play sports? What sports? I miss playing soccer

35. Would you rather live without TV or music? tv

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? yes pretty much constantly now

37. What do you say during awkward silences? I don’t feel the need to fill silence unless I’m nervous 

38. Describe your dream girl/guy? sweet, willing to help with my disabilities and someone to grow and build with

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? I like spencers bc its fun and hot topic bc merch 

40. What do you want to do after high school? I don’t know I didn’t see myself making it past 15 

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? depends on what they did

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? nothing… I’m usually quiet

43. Do you smile at strangers? I try to

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?outerspace

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

46. What are you paranoid about? almost everything 

47. Have you ever been high? two days ago 

48. Have you ever been drunk? I’m a literal alcoholic

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

51. Ever wished you were someone else? pretty much every day

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? probably that I’m autistic

53. Favourite makeup brand? I don’t wear makeup

54. Favourite store? I’m not sure

55. Favourite blog? I love too many but all the anons 

56. Favourite colour? red or black

57. Favourite food? Mexican or chinese

58. Last thing you ate? burrito

59. First thing you ate this morning? half a bagel

60. Ever won a competition? For what? yes I used to do well in spelling bees and my soccer team won a SoCal tournament

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? ive been suspended several times for fighting

62. Been arrested? For what? yes,having a weapon on me

63. Ever been in love? yes

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? it was with an asshole guy who broke up with me while i was in the hospital for a suicide attempt65. Are you hungry right now? no

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? yes, I don’t have many irl friends

67. Facebook or Twitter? neither

68. Twitter or Tumblr? tumblr

69. Are you watching tv right now? sort of? I’m watching newsies on netflix

70. Names of your bestfriends? Kathryn, Megan, Brooke, Jason

71. Craving something? What? idk.. being loved

72. What colour are your towels? sort of a cream color

72. How many pillows do you sleep with? one and one body pillow to elevate my leg

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? I sleep with one

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? I’m not sure, theyre all very small

75. Favourite animal? fox, elephant, hedgehog

76. What colour is your underwear? red

77. Chocolate or Vanilla? chocolate

78. Favourite ice cream flavour? mint chocolate chip or peanut butter chocolate 

79. What colour shirt are you wearing? black

80. What colour pants? grey

81. Favourite tv show? M*A*S*H

82. Favourite movie? big hero 6

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? mean girls

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? 

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? 21 jump street

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? dory

87. First person you talked to today? megan

88. Last person you talked to today?

@avocado-anon

89. Name a person you hate? rainy

90. Name a person you love? idk

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? several

92. In a fight with someone? not rn

93. How many sweatpants do you have? last I checked I had 14

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? 5

95. Last movie you watched? big hero 6

96. Favourite actress? all I can think of rn is laura osnes so her 

97. Favourite actor? Jeremy Jordan (I rewatched bonnie and clyde and I’m thinking about it)

98. Do you tan a lot? I don’t like the sun. it makes my head hurt

99. Have any pets? a dog

100. How are you feeling? not good

101. Do you type fast? very

102. Do you regret anything from your past? a lot

103. Can you spell well? when I write yes, not outloud

104. Do you miss anyone from your past? very much

105. Ever been to a bonfire party? yes

106. Ever broken someones heart? yes, when I broke up with my abuser

107. Have you ever been on a horse? I work with them so very often

108. What should you be doing? painting a poster for my friends birthday

109. Is something irritating you right now? that I cant think clearly

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? yes

111. Do you have trust issues? very much

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? my therapist

113. What was your childhood nickname? I did but I’m not going to tell you

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? only to mexico

115. Do you play the Wii? yes 

116. Are you listening to music right now? yes I’m listening to my musicals playlist

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? of course

118. Do you like Chinese food? LOVE IT

119. Favourite book? the perks of being a wallflower

120. Are you afraid of the dark? nope I love it

121. Are you mean? kind of

122. Is cheating ever okay? no

123. Can you keep white shoes clean? not at all

124. Do you believe in love at first sight? no

125. Do you believe in true love? yeah

126. Are you currently bored? yes

127. What makes you happy? singing

128. Would you change your name? already have

129. What your zodiac sign? capricorn

130. Do you like subway? ew no

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? ask them out

132. Whos the last person you had a deep conversation with? my dad

133. Favourite lyrics right now? all the lyrics from you will be found

134. Can you count to one million? technically I can but I don’t want to

135. Dumbest lie you ever told? that I’m straight

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? I can only sleep w doors closed

137. How tall are you? 5 1

138. Curly or Straight hair? i like straight hair

139. Brunette or Blonde? I like blonde

140. Summer or Winter? winter

141. Night or Day? night

142. Favourite month? january

143. Are you a vegetarian? no

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? dark chocolate

145. Tea or Coffee? coffe

146. Was today a good day? fuck no

147. Mars or Snickers? snickers

148. What’s your favourite quote? yeet yeet chicken feet

149. Do you believe in ghosts? yes i see them

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, whats the first line on that page? “tell me about darry” from the outsiders

[littledonkeyburrito]

No, I do not know Mr Ikea

1. Have you ever painted a car? No.

2. What’s the brand of your sneakers? I’m not currently wearing any but most of the shoes I own are converse.

3. Are there any gnomes in your yard? What yard?

4. When was the last time you were somewhere that offered free Wi-Fi? Probably the last time I went to a bar or maybe shopping centre??

5. Do you ever have to write down a phone number to remember it, or not?Does anyone actually remember phone numbers in this day and age?

6. When was the last time you were stung by a bee? What kind was it? Never. It was always a little fear in the back of my head that I’d get stung by a bee or wasp for the first time when I was at work on nightshift on a site with nobody else around and realise I’m allergic and die.

7. Are you gonna buy lottery tickets when you’re old enough? I have been old enough for like 5 years and I’ve never bought one. (this was so written by a 14 year old)

8. What’s the last thing your parents yelled at you about? My parents don’t yell at me because if things go wrong it’s my own damn fault and my own damn problem. Part of being an adult.

9. Have you ever been into a real cave? Yeah I went to a couple in Tasmania last year.

10. Does your local museum permit free entry to students? No idea but most of them do free entry one sunday per month.

11. When your picture is being taken, do you smile with/without teeth, or do you not smile at all? Depends on the photo and my mood at the time.

12. What’s your favorite type of seafood? Prawns. Honestly, prawns are a gift sent from heaven. 

13. Have you ever been to Florida? No

14. Do you have a funny last name? Does anyone make fun of it? Nah it’s not really uncommon. When I was in grade 8 there was a kid who started calling me a sort of shortened nickname version of my last name which, from an outside perspective, could sound racist. Anyway, this kid was a dick and a teacher heard him call me that once and gave him detention.

15. Have you ever told someone, besides family, that you love them and meant it? Every dog that I’ve ever met.

16. Are the blankets that are on your bed now made by someone you know in life? No, I do not know Mr Ikea

17. Would you ever have a child just to get someone to fall in love with you? That is a horrible reason to have a child. So manipulative and super hurtful to everyone involved. Don’t ever do this.

18. Have you ever personally witnessed a drug deal before? Yeah.

19. Have you ever been pulled over by the cops for speeding? Yeah, I got a ticket a few years ago.

20. What time is it where you are currently? 9:04pm 21. Have you got any half or step siblings? No

22. When was the last time you had wet hair? When I had a shower a couple of hours ago

23. Do you like kids’ movies? Sometimes

24. When was the last time you were sick and what illness did you have? I got a mild cold when I got back from central america. Long haul flights are the worst for cold and flu

25. When did you last wash your hair? A couple of hours ago

26. Have you ever been kicked out of somewhere? Yeah, one time my friends and I got kicked out of a clothing store for mocking their stock and taking selfies wearing all their hats.

27. Who did you last speak aloud to and what did you say? I think it was when I spoke to my neighbour like 2 days ago about our electricity bill. I don’t go out much...

28. Do you have any homework to do? No. I don’t go to school and currently am not taking classes for anything. I think I last had homework in March.

29. What were you last at the doctor for? I needed a vaccination for Yellow Fever and some prescriptions for travel medication.

30. Have you seen all the Lord of the Rings movies? Back in the day

31. What is the strangest food combination that you enjoyed as a young child? I don’t think I necessarily enjoyed the combination but I loved the individual components so much that I kept eating them together anyway. As a kid I ate spicy salami with nutella.

32. Have you ever had to call the cops on someone else before? Yeah that one time my neighbours at the time were fighting and it sounded like she was about to straight up murder him. 

33. What kind of phone do you have? Samsung S6

34. Name a site that you visit everyday. Until I read the previous person’s answer on this I didn’t realise you meant website. I was thinking of like work, the shops or whatever. 

35. List all the things you had to eat/drink today: Spicy noodles, some cheesy breadsticks, a banana, milk and some coke.

36. Best one: Alcohol overdose or jumping out of plane with no parachute? Bro, wtf? Probs drinking because it’d be fun up until I get sick.

37. Are you a fast walker, or do you take your time? In my city I walk fast and the slow tourists frustrate me.

38. Ever felt utterly ashamed of something or someone? Not really but there’s certainly a few cringey drunken memories in there. 

39. Do you find it difficult to sleep on your stomach? Yeah bc I got big tiddies

40. Have you ever drunk/eaten a substance in the science lab? Lmao yes this one time in year 12 chemistry we were trying to make icecream using dry ice but my group mixed ours too much and it pretty much came out like sweet butter so one of the girls got some crackers out of her locker and we ate them with the butter stuff. Also in that same semester we made wine and then sat around in the classroom drinking it with our teacher at 10am even though all the students were still 17.

41. Do you believe in the army, it’s disgraceful to improperly salute? I read the first half of that and was like, “Umm yes the army actually exists, it’s not some fucking cryptid.”

42. Would you rather play an instrument or be the singer? Instrument - drums.

43. You must change your name to either Ethel or Gertrude - which do you pick? Ethel 44. Form a sentence in which each word begins with the letter “H.” Harry hopped happily hacia (spanish meaning towards) his house. That’s a little bilingual one for you. 45. Would you be comfortable at a nude beach? Probably not. 46. Do you own anything that is glow in the dark? No.

47. In front of you is a chocolate brownie and a slice of apple pie - pick one. Brownie please  48. What is your least favorite breed of dog? No, they’re all good. 49. Would you rather battle a shark or a lion…why? I’d fight a shark on land. 50. How important is money to you? I like money a lot. Mostly I like it because travel is expensive 51. Find the item closest to you; what do you use it for? That would be my phone, a notebook and pen, and a can of beer. All fairly self explanatory.  52. Have you ever been told that you talk too fast? In english, yes. Spanish, definitely no. 53. Are there any stores near you that are open 24 hours? I honestly have no idea. 54. Do you know any songs by Fall Out Boy? Yes, and that reminds me that they have a new album out that I should buy. Also Foo Fighters and I think Maroon 5 (or maybe it’s out soon) 55. Have you ever given your phone number to somebody you met online? Yes, I have given my number to a couple of people from tinder because it’s much easier to chat on whatsapp. 56. Have you ever had a crush on somebody who was 10+ years older than you? I guess so, yeah. 57. In your opinion, are leggings appropriate to wear as pants? Maybe not in an office/formal environment, but casually, you do you man idgaf 58. On average, how much does gas cost where you live? No idea, I’ve never driven here so I’ve never felt the need to check prices. 59. Do you know anybody who can play an instrument? Yes 60. What store did you buy the shirt you wore today at? I bought it at cotton on in Toowoomba way back when I was still at uni. It’s my pyjama shirt these days. 61. Do you prefer minty or fruity flavored gum? I don’t like gum, but I do like to have breath mints around. 62. When I say the word “Luxury” what comes to mind? idk why exactly but I pictured a purple leather sofa with gold along the backrest. 

Like this ^^ design but purple leather instead of the beige and gold instead of the white. In a dimly lit room. Probably with a fireplace roaring nearby.

63. How old were you the year your favorite movie came out? idk if it’s still my favourite but I was 16 when it was released.

64. Whose birthday is coming up soon? @aturinfortheworse in a bit over a month. Oh wait, my dad’s is before that.

65. What’s your favorite place to get sushi? Not in most countries bc it’s super expensive. But Japan or Aus are good.

66. What’s your favorite Paul Rudd movie? Probably Antman

67. Do you know anyone who lives in Hawaii? No.

68. What’s your favorite way to eat a potato, ex.: chips, fries, baked, etc.? Raw like an apple. Straight from the ground, don’t even wash the dirt off.

69. What’s the closest thing to you with someone’s handwriting on it? The notebook sitting on the end of the couch. I’ve been writing down the companies I’ve been sending my CV to.

70. What’s the most important key on your key ring? There are 3 keys to get into my apartment and those are the only keys I have.

71. Do you have Spotify and if so, what’s the last song you listened to on it? I do not.

72. How spicy do you like your food? Very. Just fuck me up fam.

73. When was the last time you walked through your front door? A couple of days ago when I went to the corner store to buy beer.

74. What would you do if you accidentally got pregnant? I’d panic first, and then abort.

75. Bats: cute or gross? So goddamn cute.

76. Are you going to or did you see the new Star Wars? Yeah I’ll probably go see when it comes out.

77. What’s your favorite Netflix show? My fave netflix original is probably Club De Cuervos 78. What is the last thing you said to the person you like? "If I had more money I’d definitely be travelling right now” 79. What was the last thing to annoy you, even the slightest bit? When you apply for a job online and you attach your resume but then they still make you fill out that whole questionaire thing that takes like 30 fucking minutes and it’s literally all information that is written in your resume. 80.  Would you rather go back a week or go forward? Neither of them are going to make a difference. 81. Could you go out in public looking like you do now? No thanks 82. Who did you like on New Years? I was very attracted to the guy I was seeing at the time but I didn’t actually like him as such. I did have a bit of a crush on my spanish teacher though 83. What did you have for breakfast? I did not. 84. Have you had sex in 2017 yet? Yeah it’s been a pretty fun year tbh 85. What kind of booze did you last take shots of? Last time I had a shot would have been in Panama when I was quite hungover so the panama guy took me to a bar and gave me a beer and a shot of white rum. The rum did not go down well but the beer was nice. 86. What are you wearing currently? Pyjamas and socks 87. What colour hair do you find sexiest on the opposite gender? Dark brown or black usually 88. Have you slept over at a member of the opposite sex’s house in their bed? Yes. (this section must have also been written by a teenager) 89. Who last slept in your bed besides you? Guy that visited a few weeks ago 90. What time did you wake up today? Around midday 91. If the last person you had sex with asked you to date them, would you? Bit difficult since we live on different continents. If we lived in the same place, then yeah I’d probably give it a go 92. How long until your birthday? 7 months 93. When you lost your virginity, were you sober? I was not anywhere close to sober 94. Has anyone of the opposite sex ever told you that you were sexy? Yeah. 95. When did you last consume something that had peanut butter? I have absolutely no idea.

[4wdsupacentre-blog]

Solar panels for your camping setup.

New Post has been published on https://www.4wdsupacentre.com.au/news/solar-panels-for-your-camping-setup/

Solar panels for your camping setup.

  Over the recent years, it has become common place to install a set of powerful and portable solar panels to your campsite to supply trouble free 12v power for virtually endless 12v power at your campsite. It is undeniable that these have become much more common in recent year but you may not be aware of just why these extremely practical and useful systems have become the main go-to for supplying power to your camping setup. The cost of portable solar power systems used to be prohibitively expensive, however the efforts of 4WD Supacentre and Adventure Kings to drive the cost of camping accessories down lead to providing high performance solar panels with some of the best value solar controllers on the market for prices that are just a fraction of the competition, this is because the solar panel setups are sourced directly from the manufacturer and don’t have the same exorbitant mark ups that other brands have because there are no dealer fee’s, no middle man markups and they ship directly from the supplier to our warehouses across the country. when looking at the comprehensive solar panel range you might be wondering which unit from the range suits your camping application the most, this will be dependent on a few factors, starting with budget, power requirements, space restrictions, quality of sunlight and quantity of sunlight.

  Power requirements

Calculating your power requirements will give you the best starting point when deciding which solar panel you require for your camping setup. Essentially, we want to set out and calculate the demands of every single one of your 12v accessories in a unit called Amp Hours, this is essentially how many amps are consumed on average per hour over a 24-hour period. It can be calculated by looking at the power consumption figures in Amps in the instructions of your device or on the power consumption panel on the back of your devices. Once you have added up all the figures of your campsites power consumption, you will have a much better idea on which solar panel setup suits your needs!

Battery Capacity

All solar power systems require a battery to store the power generated, this is where the deep cycle, AGM batteries from Adventure Kings come in handy. By converting electrical input to chemical potential, you can collect the energy from the sun to use as you need it, by connecting a solar panel up to your AGM battery setup you can tap into the solar panel output directly with any surplus generated energy being sent to your 12v accessories. The larger your battery capacity the longer you can stay off grid, however larger battery systems will require a larger solar panel to keep them running.  This is why calculating your amp hour requirements will result in the best possible setup, because you can give yourself a little bit extra capacity as a buffer for unexpected power consumption.

Keep in mind that batteries are rated in a funny way, with their amp hour rating being the maximum capacity before they are fully consumed. By draining your battery to 0% you will cause harm to it and prevent it from being able to be recharged, typically we are looking at around 50% of the rated capacity being essentially as low as you might want to drain your 12v battery before needing to recharging the unit. Quality of sunlight

When deciding which solar panel, you are chasing, your power requirements are important, but so is the quality of sunlight that you have access to at your camping destination, for an example, if you are camping underneath the canopy of a rainforest, you may not get the most unimpeded light shining on your monocrystalline panels. The quality of sunlight may vary particularly when you are in areas renowned for overcast conditions, such as in Tassie where you will still get plenty of performance from your solar panel setup, however you might be lacking in the overall output when the clouds begin to block your solar panel, this is why some campers upgrade their solar controller from a standard PWM style controller which is more than capable of getting plenty of sunlight and converting it to charge for your battery and upgrading to a MPPT solar controller unit. The benefit you get from an MPPT controller is the ability to harness the most from your solar panel when the conditions are less than ideal. An MPPT uses algorithms that monitor the input voltage from the solar panel as well as the voltage of the battery, ambient temperature and ensure that the output current which is charging your batteries is optimized to give you the most charging capability in sub optimum conditions. Quantity of sunlight

When you are camping in the far north or far south of Australia the less amount of time, for an example, summer in Hobart receives 15+ hours of sunlight per day with the midday sun sitting around 71° off the horizon, it means that you have a whole 15 hours, worth of charging time, where in Cape York this time is limited to just under 13 hours of daylight in summer with the sun sitting a little higher in the sky at 79° above the horizon, during the summer the difference between these locations isn’t too much.

However, during winter these amounts of daylight dramatically change, for example the daylight in Cape York over winter drops to just 11.5 hours of sunlight with the midday sun sitting just about 55° above the horizon, whilst it seems like a large change, compared to Hobart’s reduction down to only 9 hours of day light at just 24° above the horizon, might leave you wanting more.

Because of the reduction of daylight hours, winter may seem like a bit of a hassle for using solar charging, but because of the low angle in the sky and the relatively short path across the sky, a solar panel in the winter months takes much less adjusting through the day to keep the sunlight shining perpendicular offering more efficiency without maneuvering your panel.

  Space restrictions

You could equip your setup with a massive solar panel that has more than adequate power output, however you would take up all of your storage space if you were driving a smaller vehicle like a Suzuki sierra or even larger vehicles that are already packed with gear, this is why there are many options for your solar panel capacity. With folding hard panel’s you get the benefit of them being easy to clean, easy to aim at the sun for the optimum power harnessing no matter what the conditions. But even when these systems are packed up for transporting they take up a lot of space and because of the hard panel nature of these systems aren’t ideal when heading into the roughest conditions found across Australia. This is where our range of folding solar blankets come in, starting with the 120W folding blanket, this compact unit is small enough to fit underneath your passenger seat taking up around the same amount of space as a larger a4 ring binder. The downside to this compact solar panel setup is its difficulty in aiming it towards the sun, many campers choose to place it on the glass of their windshield to provide a perpendicular angle to the sun’s rays. If you didn’t have as much space but had the higher power demands, our largest solar blanket the recently released 250W Blanket is perfect for your application. Which even includes folding kickstand legs offering the same versatility as the hard panels without the large packed size. Budget

Budget is one of the critical factors in deciding which setup you will take home, with a few different models that suit many different applications, and whilst even the top output panels with all the features are relatively affordable, you can now add the benefits of photovoltaics to keep your camping 12v setup running effortlessly in nearly any weather conditions, for nearly an indefinite period of time. To find out more about the entire range of Adventure Kings Solar charging setups, head to our website at www.4WDSupacentre.com.au call our expert team for specific advice on your setup or drop into one of our company stores to see the gear in person, ask one of our expert team members about your setup and walk away with the perfect addition to your campsite!  

[madminniefics]

Six months after graduating from Tulane University, Sadie Neal is on a one-way trip to Buffalo, New York to start her first real, big girl job with the local professional hockey team, the Buffalo Sabres. The problem? Sadie knows next to nothing about hockey. They use pucks, not balls. They wear skates, not cleats. And they play on ice, not grass. That’s it. How is she supposed to represent them on social media when she doesn’t even know what icing means outside of baking?

Louis Tomlinson (#91 / RW) is coming off a career high season (79 games, 20 goals, 30 assists, 50 total points) that he’s trying to recreate. The goal: Lord Stanley’s Cup. There’s a magic in the locker room that feels like it could be their year. He stays focused by keeping hockey and his personal life separate. Everyone knows that.

Everyone except Sadie.

Bright Eyes / chapter one

When Sadie got off the airplane, the freezing air blowing in from between the cracks of the jet way made all her little hairs stand on end. The breeze blew snow up from the ground, swirled it around the windows, before dropping it back to the concrete and starting over. She shivered, rubbing her bare hands together, as she walked to the baggage claim. She was a long, long way from home. It was almost a different country.

A long way from sun beating down on her skin, warming her entire body as she tilted her head towards it, welcoming the heat. A long way from bikini’s in November and shorts year-round. From sipping fruity drinks with your toes in the sand and sunglasses on your face. Did it even get warm in Buffalo?

What she wouldn’t do to be back home in the unbearable heat and humidity. Matter fact, what she wouldn’t do to be somewhere in the middle. Not too hot, not too cold. But noooo. Have an adventure, Sadie. Do something different, Sadie. Do it while you’re young, Sadie. If she could do the last six months over, she would. Was it too late to turn around and go back to New Orleans? Surely the Saints were hiring.

Her hot pink suitcase was easy to spot five minutes after the bags began dropping onto the conveyor belt. She set her light blue backpack down next to her leather duffle bag so she could wrangle her massive suitcase from the baggage platform. It had been a graduation gift from her momma and it was its first time she’d had a chance to use it.

Sadie pouted when she noticed the huge, black stain across the front of her suitcase. Brand new and already ruined. That’s why she hated flying. Humans weren’t meant to be all up in the sky like that. If they had been, people would have evolved to have wings.

Struggling to carry all her bags, she walked slowly towards the door that advertised taxis were waiting outside. Before she knew it, she was in the backseat zipping through the highway towards her hotel. According to an email she received from a ‘Harry Styles’ in human resources, the hotel the Buffalo Sabres were putting her up in for a week was in walking distance from the stadium and it was clean. The second part scared her a bit—to be real, the first part did because it was colder than ice cubes in January and she hated to walk in the cold—because she wasn’t trying to sleep in a dirty bed. Just thinking about what other people did in hotel beds made her want to gag.

She laid her head on the window as she watched the scenery speed by. The traffic was minimal, it was almost 10pm, and they made it to the hotel in less than 20 minutes. What she’d seen of the city before moving there was via the satellite option on Google Maps. So, not much. There was so much green space. It made her happy even though she knew it would all be covered in snow in a few weeks. What surprised her the most was that, at least in the area where her hotel was, was an actual city. It looked like any other city she’d been to. Maybe Buffalo wouldn’t be so bad.

“Thank you so much,” Sadie said as the taxi driver removed her bags from the trunk. He nodded at her before getting back in the car and speeding off. She took a deep breath, grabbed her bags, and walked into the lobby to check in.

There was a busy week ahead of her. So far on her to do list:

Find an apartment and move in within seven days

First day of real work

Learn hockey

Shouldn’t be hard for someone who graduated with honors…right?

///

In the morning, Sadie learned, the hard way, that she’d forgotten to leave the heater on. She huddled under the thin, cheap, hotel comforter for an extra half an hour trying to extract all the heat from its threads. That only left her shivering against cold blankets. At least she’d slept with socks on the night before; something she’d never done before in her life.

Once she got out of bed, though, Sadie cranked the heat as high as it would go (75-degrees) and took the hottest shower she’d ever taken. Her skin was still slightly pink as she walked into the offices in the bowels of KeyBank Center. The walk had been nearly 20 minutes from the hotel to the stadium, partially beneath a highway, which she didn’t consider “walking distance.” She added ‘Talk to Harry Styles about what ‘walking distance’ means’ onto her mental to-do list.

And, to top it all off, her toes were freezing thanks to a freak snowfall the night before. There was less than an inch on the ground and everyone was going about their normal business. Sadie was amazed. Back home, every store, school, and office would close. One inch meant road closures and, sometimes, the whole city shutting down. But in Buffalo, it was just another day. Sadie sighed and pushed her cold feet out of her mind. Before knocking on the door in front of her, she shook her head and replaced her disgruntled look with her signature smile.

The familiar face that appeared from behind the door made Sadie feel just the slightest bit better about her morning. Gabe Sanders, Marketing Director for the Buffalo Sabres, looked like he was having a worse morning than Sadie. She felt for him. She couldn’t imagine how long he’d been living in Buffalo, but she imagined if she had been living there for as long as he probably had she would have that same look on her face all the time. That ‘Why-am-I-here, what-am-I-doing-with-my-life’ type of look. All dead, red eyes, stubble, and bags under his eyes.

“Sadie, hey,” He said, punctuated by a large sigh. Sadie felt his breath on the exposed skin of her hands. She made a mental note to buy a pair of mittens. “Come on, I’ll show you to your cube.”

She struggled to keep from bouncing as she followed Gabe back into a room off the main corridor. There was a multitude of cubicles—too many to count—some with a head popping out, some not. It reminded Sadie of whack a mole. Gabe stopped next to a cubicle with a plastic plaque that read ‘H. Styles’ on the outside and knocked twice. Sitting in the chair was a man with short brown hair pushed back from his face, a white button up Oxford shirt, and brown khaki pants with some sort of brown, casual work shoe. So much brown.

“Harry, this is Sadie, it’s her first day. If you wanna, hook her up with her log in and stuff, I have a meeting,” Gabe said as soon as Harry turned around. “Let me know if you need anything, Sadie.”

She nodded and Gabe took off. She had trouble keeping her emotions off her face. He was just going to leave her like that? On her first day? She knew she sold herself on that Skype interview but…for real? Harry laughed at the anxious look on her face and she blinked.

“I’ll help you log in and direct you to Vic Stephens, one of the marketing assistants. She’ll be able to help you with all the other information you need.”

Sadie let out a breath in a whoosh. “Thank you so much.”

“No problem, follow me,” He said, standing from his chair and walking two rows over to an empty cubicle with a plastic plaque that read ‘S. Neal’ on the outside. She bit her lip to keep from squealing. Baby’s first cubicle! She made a mental note to take a picture of herself with the sign later, to send to her momma. “Here’s your cube. You can put your jacket and stuff down and I’ll show you to Vic’s cube.”

Nodding, Sadie dumped her black shoulder bag and her dark green, faux fur lined parka on the chair. She retucked the back of her mint green blouse into her straight legged black pants. Three cubes down sat a woman with long, bright purple hair. She turned around with a massive grin after Harry did a special knock on her cube. Her eyes widened when she saw Sadie.

“New girl?” She said.

“Sadie, yeah.” Harry said.

“Yes! I’m so excited,” This she said towards Sadie. “Marketing is such a boy’s club.”

Sadie chuckled because she didn’t know what else to do. She didn’t want things to be awkward on her first day and she really wanted to make friends with her coworkers. She didn’t know anyone in the city and that would get real lonely, real quick.

“I’ve got a bunch of stuff for you,” Vic noticed how Sadie’s eyes widened. “To help you get acclimated! Not huge work stuff, not yet. Just some manuals and ‘how-to’ type stuff. They’re in your email already.”

“Perfect,” Sadie beamed. “Thank you.”

“No problem, I’m here for you if you ever need anything.”

Sadie nodded as Harry wrangled her back to her cubicle. He helped her set up her computer and email log in information before leaving with a ‘Let me know if you need anything!’ Looking around at the bare walls of her cubicle, Sadie took out a tiny picture, in a gold frame, from her purse and set it next to the computer. The picture was of a dark skinned man with an impressive afro, in his late-twenties, holding a seven-year-old girl, dressed head-to-toe in Barney clothing, that looked like a clone of the man. Sadie smiled at the picture before pulling her phone out and taking a selfie.

To: Momma

First day 😬

She attached the picture before sending it. Her momma, a notorious early bird, texted back almost immediately. Sadie slipped out of her Vans and wet socks in favor of her gold, sparkly work-appropriate flats before checking her phone.

From: Momma

Hockey 😬

Sadie choked back a laugh. Her momma had made her thoughts on Sadie’s choice of job, location, and organization no secret. Everyone knew that Sadie’s momma wanted her to hold out, to find a job in New Orleans, to stay at home with her forever. But, just as everyone knew that, they also knew that Sadie didn’t want that. She wanted to leave, find her own way, and that meant Buffalo. She’d made a promise and she intended to keep it. And that started by leaving Louisiana.

Setting her phone to the side before she did something ill-advised, like text her momma talking about how much she missed her already, she opened her email instead. There were five messages, all from Vic, all reading URGENT in the subject line. Her breakfast, if one strawberry Danish and a cup of orange juice could be considered breakfast, threatened to make a reappearance. She took a deep breath to calm herself before opening the first email.

///

Sadie was leaning into her computer screen, eyes flickering back and forth as she read through the employee manual that Vic emailed her, when she heard a noise behind her. She snapped around on her rolling chair—her favorite kind of chair—to see Harry and Vic standing in the doorway of her cubicle. She smiled.

“We were wondering if you wanted to go have lunch with us,” Harry said. Sadie furrowed her brow and looked at the clock. She couldn’t believe it was lunchtime already. Nodding, she grabbed her phone, tossed it in her bag, and tossed that over her shoulder.

“Do I need my jacket?”

“No, we’re just going to the cafeteria,” Vic said.

“Cool,” Sadie said, following closely behind Harry and Vic. She looked down each hallway as they walked beneath KeyBank Center. Her lips pursed and she stopped as she looked down a hallway that led to the ice. Players sped in an out of her limited viewpoint through the double doors. How could they skate that fast, not fall, and remember the rules? Sadie could barely rollerblade in a straight line without falling over.

One of the players skated into her eyesight. The way he stood, legs slightly spread, on the ice made Sadie wonder if it was as easy as it looked. Because that man looked graceful there with his large frame being held up by two glorified knives. As if he could sense that she was staring, he turned his head towards her. Shameless, she kept staring. He had an intriguing look about him. She wanted to know what color his eyes were.

Harry noticed Sadie wasn’t walking alongside them anymore and looked back. He placed a hand on Vic’s hand so that she would stop walking before calling Sadie’s name. She shook her head and jogged up to catch up with them without giving the man on the ice another glance.

“They have open practice tomorrow, if you wanted to watch. Call it research for your posts,” Vic said, winking at Sadie. Her face flushed but it was a good idea. While Vic and Harry talked about what they were ordering for lunch, Sadie was thinking about the Sabres player with the captivating stare.

///

What did one wear to an open practice? Was office attire too formal? Was it cold inside the arena? Did she just need a sweater, a long sleeve shirt, a coat? Were a beanie, mittens, and earmuffs too much? Important questions that Sadie had no answers for that morning as she prepared for her second day of work.

In the end, she dressed casually that day in the hopes that she would fit in both at practice and among her coworkers. A pair of navy blue, skinny, cropped khakis paired with a cream button up blouse and a grey cable knit sweater over that. She wore the same flats she had the day before, mostly because they were her only closed-toe, work appropriate shoe. She had a countdown on her phone till her first paycheck. She was going straight to the mall that day.

After she paid her loans, rent, and miscellaneous bills, anyway.

She smiled at coworkers whose names she didn’t know as she walked down the row to her cubicle. Sadie set her bag down on the desk to remove her jacket and scarf. She fixed her blue accent necklace, a gift from her Auntie Donna for graduation, she hung her jacket and scarf on a little hook on one wall of her cubicle and turned her computer on. Practice began at 10 that morning so she had time to check her email and get her things together before heading over to pick a perfect spot.

The supervisor wanted a mockup of social media posts for the next month by the end of the week. Perfect. Sadie decided to take her phone to take pictures to go along with her posts. They would feel more like fan photos rather than professional and Sadie thought that would be good to make the team seem more approachable.

At ten till, Sadie tucked her notebook and favorite pen into her bag and turned the computer screen off before walking over to the stands. She snagged a front row seat, right by the glass a few feet from the goalie, and got comfortable. Placing her bag in the seat next to her, she grabbed her notebook, pen, and phone out.

There were players’ families all around her. Women holding children by the glass while they spoke to their corresponding player. Fans, too. They were sat on the other side of the stadium, though. Sadie smiled as she snapped pictures. She belatedly hoped that it wasn’t weird that she was taking pictures of people without asking. She would look up the specific players’ names later and send emails asking permission.

She snapped a few pictures of the goalie—Payne, number 35—as he stretched and drank some water. Growing bored, she stood and began taking pictures of the other players as they talked before practice started. She was looking through her pictures when she realized two players had skated up to her.

Looking up, her eyes widened when she saw the Man with the Eyes from lunch the day before. He, and his friend, had yet to put their helmets on. She gave his friend—Horan, number 13—a quick once over before settling her gaze on Mr. Bright Eyes. The smirk on his lips combined with the stubble on his face made him look dangerous.

“You looked lonely,” Left-winger Horan said, leaning an arm against the glass. “We thought we’d come keep you company till practice started. I’m Niall.”

“Oh, no I’m fine, thank you! Just doing some work,” Sadie said, fixing them with her blinding smile. Niall blinked twice, mesmerized. “I’m Sadie! I would shake your hands but…”

She motioned at the glass panels between them and shrugged. Niall nodded and opened his mouth to speak before the goalie called his name. He sighed instead.

“Gotta go. Until next time,” He said, nodding at Sadie. She waved cutely before setting her gaze on Niall’s friend. She looked from his eyes to his lips and back before deciding that she didn’t want to be fired on her second day of work. She focused on his eyes instead of the devilish smirk lingering on his lips. She still couldn’t decide what color his eyes were. Blue, that much was obvious, but what shade? It was killing her.

“I’m Louis,”

His gruff, deep voice combined with the British accent hit Sadie straight between her legs. She swallowed hard and took a soothing breath before responding. What would it look like if she was stuttering and stammering in response to his accent? She’d never been thirsty like that and she wasn’t about to start then.

“Nice to meet you,” She smiled, just as the coach blew his whistle. Louis looked back for a moment before training those eyes back on Sadie. She placed a hand on the glass to steady herself under the weight of his gaze. His eyes flicked down to her hand before looking her straight in her eyes.

“See you around, Sadie,” Louis said, winking before skating backwards away from her. He got to the middle before he turned. Sadie bit her lip, shook her head, and sat back down. She picked up her notebook and pen and wrote:

needs to get done

find an apartment and move in within seven days

one month mock up schedule

learn hockey

talk to harry about walking distance

emails asking for permission for pictures

furniture shopping

what color are his eyes???

Tearing the page out of her notebook, she tucked it away in her bag before paying attention as practice began. Whenever Louis skated past her he would look in her direction with a smirk or a nod, making the family members turn to look at her and whisper. She heard a kid ask their mom who she was and blushed. She couldn’t help but think her job just got a lot harder.