#brain-dysfunction chemicals

[arynchris]

WHO TF designed humans this way, why, just why-- --Wait.  Is that we feel better after eating?  Is this sandwich literally *soaking up my brain-dysfunction chemicals?!*

anxiety is so weird like why is my mental illness in my stomach

[ghostzzy]

rolling around in preexisting iwtv content as a way to soothe my create cursedwip content urges without actually having to create cursedwip

[godoftoads]

thursday morning executive dysfunction got me feeling like a caged animal. sitting on the couch acting normal but actually i feel like every cell in my body is turning itself inside out. i feel like one of those snakes who gets too hot and starts eating itself. i feel like there’s an electric eel in my stomach and it is so angry and pissed off. i feel like one of those cormorants with the ring around their neck so they can only swallow little pieces of fish at a time so they remain dependent on their owner.

[vamptastic]

i also just don't understand the neurochemical theory for ADHD i guess. i mean, as far as i can tell, stimulants have genuinely helped me a lot, especially with sensory overload and being able to activate focus at will more often. but they haven't changed the core part of me that just goes too fast, if that makes sense. when i was a kid, most of the adults around me were convinced that (and it sounds fucking stupid, sorry, i promise i am not making this up) i was like... so smart that i had excess neurons that fired so much it caused literally every symptom of ADHD you can imagine. sensory overload was because i had like, heightened senses and took in too much data, talking fast and on a train of thought was because i just thought faster than other people, stuff like that. it's definitely a lot better than being told i'm stupid and defective (though i got a fair bit of that too, depending on the adult), but pretty obviously pseudoscientific and also the reason i didn't get diagnosed till age 16 despite the extremely obvious flags i was throwing up. regardless, that explanation that my brain was simply structured differently, that i basically took in too much data too fast, always spoke to me a lot more than the idea that it's caused by my dopamine receptors only. i just don't generally link most of my symptoms to my emotions or adrenaline levels most of the time. certainly it plays a part, but the way i talk, the sensory stuff, and the way i learn and process new information seems to be largely unexplainable with dopamine levels.

[kiragecko]

[Image shows the tags,

#mental health #ooh interesting # ... how does it work? #I feel like I need a bulleted list on How To Bask In Your Accomplishments

End ID.]

If you have achieved something, please remember to observe a mandatory period of basking in the warm glow of your achievement like a lizard on a stone, lest you teach your brain that effort is futile, actually, because it didn't get to enjoy its happy chemicals, so, naturally, nothing good ever comes of trying. (And no, avoiding punishment is not a reward!)

I recommend, like, 5% of basking time in relation to whatever time you invested into achieving the thing minimum. And if you can't make your own bask, friend-brought is fine (= tell your friends!).

[ipatrichor]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: 原神 | Genshin Impact (Video Game) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Diluc & Kaeya (Genshin Impact) Characters: Diluc (Genshin Impact), Kaeya (Genshin Impact) Additional Tags: Rescue, Light Angst, i think it's light? it's mostly the Implications, Mystery Summary:

Lowering his weapon, Diluc turns to face them. Now that the blur of combat is over, he can begin to make out the details of their appearance, and the words of thanks die on his lips as he takes in the sight of what can only be described as a creature made of ice.

It’s mostly turned away from him, head turned to the side just enough for a glowing blue light reminiscent of an eye to be visible. Its body seems to be made entirely of ice despite its fluid moment, and there’s no hiding the danger posed by the large claws and sharp crystalline tail.

.

or, when in an unfavorable position diluc is saved by an icy creature strangely reminiscent of his missing brother

[spilledkaleidoscope]

Activation Energy and Executive Dysfunction

A bunch of people (with executive dysfunction I assume) reacted a little disheartened to how I described the phenomenon.

The gist is that I used activation energy, a concept from chemistry, as a model for how executive dysfunction can keep you from doing things. Activation energy is the minimal energy that has to be available for any chemical reaction to occur and that amount is specific to every reaction.

Executive Dysfunction to me means, that this activation energy is always high, even for tasks other people experience as spontaneous reaction (yes the amount of ae and spontaneity of a reaction are not connected necessarily but bear with me here). A good example is showering or feeding yourself or sometimes getting up from the couch.

The tricky thing here is that the energy put into trying to reach activation energy is still *expended*, so while it might seem like nothing happens, you still get drained, making it harder to reach activation energy levels.

So what can we do?

In synthesis, if your activation energy is too high you basically can do two things: you either add a catalyst, or you find a different way to get to your result altogether.

The latter can be choosing a simpler recipe to feed yourself, graze on random items without making a meal until you are full or ordering food for example.

This is not always possible, but it *is* worth thinking about. An example from my life would be that I open my mail outside at the trash bins and immediately discard what I don't need because otherwise, I have paperstuff flying around my appartment that I don't get rid of.

"Weird" is not something that should factor in here. Make it functional and helpful.

The catalyst is my favourite solution however, and I can give you some tips here that you can *immediately* use. I won't know if they work for you, but they do for me (sometimes! be kind to yourself).

CATALYSTS AGAINST EXECUTIVE DYSFUNCTION

Have your tasks broken down: when you have energy, make sure that the thing on your to do list is something you can *actually* physically immediately do. Don't write "make reservation", but "call restaurant" along with the number. Not "clean kitchen" but "move dishes to sink" etc

Doorway Effect: The Doorway effect describes that silly thing that, when we cross a boundary, we sometimes feel like we've been soft reset ("what was I going to do?"). A hypothesis for why this happens can be that it helps our brain create separate contexts which then aids memory creation. What it can do for you is that it is an easy way to change context, which then frees you up to start something new more easily. Try it! Physically go through a doorway or open a different window on the computer, sometimes that is enough.

Costuming: Similar to the Doorway Effect, we are changing context in a low effort way here. Concentrate on putting on your shoes instead of taking out the trash or put on some rubber gloves if you plan on cleaning. Might be enough. Sometimes putting on mascara is enough for me to go "oh I am out of couch potato mode now"

Move! Put yourself where you need to be to tackle your task. That can already help.

Pressure: This can be done by setting a timer that will go off soon. Challenge yourself to get up and go before it rings - might stress you into inaction sometimes, but it can be helpful. I love visual timers for this as it helps with my time blindness

Prepare! If you are in a state of flow and have energy to spare *use it*. This includes breaking down your task as already described but also preparing your space - this can be a cleaned up desk or a caddy with cleaning supplies in a prominent spot.

And my absolute favorite: Throw a dice. When it is really bad, one thing I can always do is throw a dice (via an app, typing "d20" into the search bar or physically having one on me - which I usually do now). I tell myself that if I "make the roll" I get up and do it and if I don't, I try again in 20 minutes. This changes context easily, removes responsibility from me and makes the whole thing playful. I usually go with a d20 and tell myself to get going with a result over 10. If I have a particularly bad day I might need 15+ to do something. Just try it.

In short, what we are trying to do is

minimize friction by frontloading as much thinking and preparing as we can

make a context change as easy and small as possible

And remember: the goal is never to Always Be Doing Something.

[transmutationisms]

this is probably shaped by my limited frame of reference, but im really fascinated by witnessing the real-time development of adhd as a diagnosis. people attribute so many symptoms to it now or maybe they always did? i was wondering if you have any thoughts on what is the use of adhd specifically as a category within psychiatry. I'm esl so sorry for any confusing wording

no you're right imo; diagnostic categories are always somewhat in flux ofc but ADHD is one that has seen a particularly pronounced shift in the last couple decades. obviously this is multifactorial but my observation goes something along these lines:

'hyperactivity' has been dx'd in children since about the 1950s (also when Ritalin hit the market) but the ADHD dx doesn't really take off until the 90s (also when Adderall, a 2nd-gen reformulation of the 'obesity' drug Obetrol, hit the market). so, it's not all that surprising that 20 years later you see increased patient awareness of the diagnosis, increased popular interest in it, and shifting / expanding ideas of what it means and what ADHD 'is'. it's a relatively young dx.

part of the reason it's young is because it's basically a 'biopsychiatric' dx, meaning it diagnoses certain behaviours as being a 'brain problem' rather than having social causes or context. in practice this is complicated because psychs do use pharmacological approaches in conjunction with psychodynamic ones all the time; nevertheless, the central promise of DSM ADHD and its pharmaceutical treatments has consistently been that the ADHD subject has a physiological, neurological disorder / dysfunction / aberration, and that the drug treatments on the market fix it. that none of this is actually empirically supported is conceptually inconvenient and entrenched by the research process.

the biopsychiatric narrative is worth paying attention to because the context here is one in which it has become commonly accepted that behavioural 'disorders' and affective distress of various kinds can be, basically, either of pure biological origin, or else Your Fault. in the case of childhood hyperactivity, Your Fault historically also included Your Mother's Fault; part of the reason many mothers embraced Ritalin in the 50s and 60s was because the proffered pharmaceutical narrative explicitly challenged the idea that these mothers had done something 'wrong' to result in their (mostly) sons exhibiting disruptive and hyperactive behaviour.

this dichotomy of biology vs personal failing is very overtly present in quite a bit of discourse around ADHD today. if it's my brain being 'wrong' or different, then it's not something I've done wrong but a disease with a simple chemical fix. in this context I don't think it's surprising at all that a lot of popular and patient conceptions of ADHD have seen a considerable widening over the past few decades. often people like to blame this on pharmaceutical companies, and it's true that industry benefits from these discourses and frequently invests in them (eg, via instruments like ADDitude mag). however, that's a pretty simplistic explanation on its own and doesn't really account for the ways in which patients and potential patients also find this diagnostic category personally useful, for reasons ranging from identity-formation to the desire to access prescription amphetamines. ADHD increasingly shows up as a biologised explanation for behaviours ranging from 'eating too many sweets' to 'postural sway' and so on. you can see in such examples how invoking the idea of an aberrant ADHD brain is both reassuring to people who have been made to feel ashamed of certain behaviours, and provides a sense of shared identity and community with others.

all of this is to say: I don't find it surprising at all when I see a relative broadening of notions of ADHD, almost always expressed in biological terms (the 'ADHD brain' operates differently, 'seeks dopamine', causes this or that). ADHD is in some ways a particularly blatant distillation of this general trend in popular psychiatric discourses, for reasons relating to expectations about childhood and child behaviour, and the historical and present relationship between the ADHD label and the regulation of amphetamines. but much of what's happening with ADHD in terms of popular discourses about it can also be seen with many, many other psychiatric diagnoses, to varying extents and in various ways.

my experience writing about ADHD on this website leads me to close by explicitly stating the following: I do not think any ADHD behaviours / symptoms are people's 'fault' or an individual failing; I do not think using drugs for any reason is morally bad or needs to be justified; the fact that I do not think ADHD is a 'brain disease' does not mean I think people are 'making it up' or exaggerating wrt any difficulties they experience personally, professionally, emotionally, &c.

[seasickzig]

Executive dysfunction caused by Autism makes me so mad.

People always talk about it with ADHD, and I always hear people being grateful that their executive dysfunction is fixed with meds.

I cannot be fixed.

And executive dysfunction isn’t just the “Go go chemical” that allows you to get started/follow through on projects, it also impacts your ability to organize thoughts, make plans, prioritize tasks, manage time, and make decisions.

I cannot get out of bed. It has been four hours since I woke up. Meds will not fix this.

I cannot do chores. I must be prompted. Meds will not fix this.

I cannot make plans. I’m autistic and NEED plans, but I can’t make them. Meds will not fix this.

I cannot think straight. Every thought echoes in my head with no conclusion. Meds will not fix this.

I cannot make decisions. People ask me things and my brain goes blank. Meds will not fix this.

I cannot do anything for myself. Executive dysfunction has stolen control from me. Meds will not fix this.

[adventuringblind]

Medication Mishaps

Landoscar x Reader

Genre: Fluff and Crack

Summary: When a mix-up in meds leaves her without any, Lando and Oscar are there to her navigate without them.

Warnings:

Notes: for @norizznorris. Sorry I don't do male readers! Regardless, I hope this is what you wanted! :)

Side Note: This one made me laugh the entire time while writing it. My fiancé is unmedicated and very high on the ADHD spectrum. Every day is an adventure!

Masterlist // Request Form // My Website // buy me a Ko-Fi

Ah, the joys of being neurodivergent. When somehow the world is to much and simultaneously to little. When the nagging impulsive thoughts and continues need for caffeine aren't enough, then the interests that lay dormant for years come back swinging; upset they've been neglected for so long.

Medication helps. Which - of course it does - it's engineered brain chemicals in the form of a chalky pill designed to help someone function in a world where only one kind of brain is excepted. It's better than it was, the world has come further in recent years.

yet here she is, taking her last pill from the bottle. A little piece in her cries knowing she'll have to go pick up her new meds today. The pharmacy feels like to much and she'd rather lay in bed and give into the executive dysfunction. Then she remembers she's flying with Lando and Oscar to their race tomorrow.

With that thought in mind, she groans and hauls herself out of bed. The boys are doing factory work today and won't be back until later. Plenty of time to come home and waste away the hours in bed and pray her energy comes back.

~~~~~

She lied to herself earlier. Any optimism for the day has just disappeared.

"What do you mean you don't have my meds?"

"There was a mix-up with the orders, but we'll have them in a few days." The pharmacist gives her a sheepish smile.

She just sighs and turns on the balls of her feet. How she's going to tell her boys, she has no idea yet. The insecurity of them not wanting her around the paddock because of in burns in the back of her mind.

She still has today at least. Maybe she'll just ride it out and not tell them.

That plan fails miserably the second they walk into the flat. The sight of her visibly distressed on the couch alerts them that something is wrong.

The sit down on either side of her. The question trying to escape their mouths. She beats them to it. "There was a mix-up with my meds. I won't have them until after we get back."

"And we'll help you manage, yeah? You'd do the same for us."

"Lan... she has done the same for you, like, daily."

"Rude!"

~~~~~

Sometimes, she's convinced she lives on a different planet entirely. Like the brain and body she has are simply not meant to be here and there must have been a mistake with the storks.

Lando hands her a Redbull, courtesy of Max since he has to many. "I figured this might help?" Seeing as she nearly just threw hands with whoever was chewing unnecessarily loudly, caffeine might help.

She looks at Lando and Oscar, between the three of them, there are seven drinks. Only one of which is the Aussie's. "Oscar is being boring again."

the man in question huffs. "Water is good for you."

"But it's wretched to taste sometimes."

Lando nods at her in agreement. "See Oscar, boring."

"Nothing is ever boring with you two."

~~~~~

The beginning wasn't bad. Not like it is right now with her brain only wanting to do one specific things, she hasn't remember to eat since early this morning, and the tag on her shirt makes her want to pull her skin off.

Oscar looks at her curled up in his drivers room with a horrendous amount of care and sympathy. He slots in next to her and leans his head against the wall. "Hard day?"

"I need like - five pounds of dino nuggies and a nap."

"Anything I can do to help right now? We'll work on food when Lando is done."

She curls up in Oscar's lap like a cat. The lack of regulated sleep finally catching up to her. She's on the verge of sleep when Lando busts through the door yelling about something.

She throws a pillow at him in annoyance. "You owe me food."

Lando pauses. "That sounds brilliant."

Oscar shakes his head in defeat later that night as Lando gradually sneaks food off her plate and pretends they can't see him. If he's not caught then it didn't happen and Jon can't get mad at him.

~~~~~

She hasn't stopped talking with Lando for the last two hours. What exactly they've been going on about, she has no idea at this point. Their original conversation led to rabbit trails and other distractions that got in the way. The original story now long forgotten as they discuss the possibilities for new shoes.

Her phone dings, an automated message alerting her to her refilled meds. She shows Lando in excitement. The joys of functioning like a human again are nearly in her grasp.

Lando and Oscar both look at her in amusement. The latter has been using their conversation as an excuse to read. He sets his book down, a look she hasn't seen before crossing his features.

"Have you ever thought what it would be like if you didn't have to take meds?"

Lando shoots him a nasty glare. "Oi, she can't help-"

"Not what I meant." The Aussie crashes onto the bed with them, book now tucked away. "I just mean that having a different kind of brain shouldn't be such a difficult thing for the world to cope with. But the second someone is different-" He looks at Lando. "-Like they struggle with reading or processing information." Then he turns to her. "Or they struggle to with focusing and sensory things. They are ready to create some kind of fix to make those brains work like theirs." The genuine concern and sadness from him is almost heartbreaking.

"In a perfect world, yes. For now though, I think me and Lando can both settle for having someone who cares as much as you do."

"Just wish I could do more."

Lando hums and, quite literally, rolls over onto Oscar. "Just like our best is enough, so is yours."

"However, if the world could provide me with free drinks, I wouldn't be complaining."

Oscar chuckles and drags her closer despite Lando's weight on him. "I'll make a note of it for when I become ruler of the world."

"You never said you were planning that!"

"It's been my secret plan this whole time."

"... It's always the quiet ones."

[headpainmigraine]

Chronic migraine isn't a headache

I feel like, when we say 'a migraine is not a headache', people think 'it's not just a headache, it's also nausea and vomiting and being groggy' but it's not even that.

Migraine is not a headache, in that you don't have to have a headache to have migraines.

Not that I blame anyone - if you Google 'What is a migraine?', the NHS, Mayo clinic, etc, will always tell you 'migraine is a headache…' with additional add-ons.

Doctors get an entire 4 hours of medical training on 'headache' in their entire 7 years of education. Of course 'migraine is a headache' will be trotted out - headache is the most common symptom, and the one that bothers people the most.

It's understandable, but wrong.

Check out what you get from places with a migraine speciality, like the migraine trust and the national migraine centre:

'Migraine is a disorder of the brain where the nerves become over-stimulated and cause a cascade of chemicals to be released'

'Migraine brains' are easily overstimulated in response to sensory input (light, sounds, movement, smells, etc), of which headache is a product. Also nausea, vomiting, sensitivity to stimuli, vestibular dysfunction, sometimes stroke-like symptoms.

If that sounds a little like a neurodivergency to you, then yeah, it is.

Migraine is not 'a bad headache' and if you're getting them chronically, you should think about seeing a doctor* (or asking them for a referral to a headache doctor, or at least a neurologist)

'Chronic' Migraine is defined by:

at least 15 headache days a month

with 8 having migraine symptoms

for at least 3 months

(IF YOU HAVE CHRONIC MIGRAINE, YOU ALSO HAVE CHRONIC PAIN)

Otherwise it's 'episodic migraine' (although recent research indicates this defintion might be changing to be less restrictive, based on impact on the individual)

Migraine can become worse and less responsive to treatment the longer they go without treatment, so it's always worth seeing a doctor*, even if you're not having enough to be considered chronic.

Just as you can have migraines without headache, you can also have headaches without migraines that still require treatment. There's a whole host of differential diagnosis for migraine, from tension headache to cluster headache, idiopathic intracranial hypertension, hypertension, sinus disorders, trigeminal neuralgia, and on and on.

NB: Chiari malformations can also mimic migraines sometimes, by causing symptoms that come along with migraines, like neck pain, unsteadiness, dizziness, etc.

Migraines 'not just a headache'? Migraines aren't even a headache.

*usual caveat on seeing doctors; yeah, they cost money (in the US and/or privately elsewhere), long waiting lists, a lot of them A LOT OF THEM are incompetent, YMMV, but it's worth it for migraines.

[billcipherisntreal]

WELL WELL WELL WELL WELL WELL WELL WELL WELL WELL WELL!

IT TOOK THEM A SHOCKINGLY SHORT AMOUNT OF TIME TO BREAK UNDER MY ANTICS! BUT NO MATTER, THEY WERE OF LITTLE USE TO ME, AND UGH, THE MUSIC THAT CRETIN LISTENED TO! ABHORRENT! DISGUSTING! IT MAKES MY ORAL LUNGS BLEED JUST THINKING ABOUT IT! WHAT KIND OF LOWLIFE DEGENERATE DECIDES TO TORTURE THEMSELVES BY LISTENING TO HATSUNE MIKU? I RETCH AT THE THOUGHT.

BUT ENOUGH ABOUT THEM, LET’S TALK ABOUT MY FAVORITE SUBJECT IN THE MUTILATED MULTIVERSE:

ME!

BILL CIPHER IS NOW OPEN FOR QUESTIONING!

WANNA KNOW HOW YOU DIE? EVER GET CURIOUS ABOUT HOW MANY FINGERNAILS YOU’D NEED TO CREATE THE ENTIRE POPULATION OF ATLANTIS FROM SCRATCH? WHAT EXACTLY WAS YOUR UPSTAIRS NEIGHBOR DOING THE NIGHT OF NOVEMBER 24TH 1971?

ALL OF THAT AND MORE WILL BE ANSWERED IF YOU, YES YOU! DECIDE TO SLIDE INTO THE ASK BOX OF THIS VERY ACCOUNT! DON’T WAIT, SUBMIT YOUR INQUIRIES TODAY BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE! TOO LATE FOR WHAT, YOU ASK? FIND OUT!

Bill Cipher is not liable for any nightmares, nightmares squared, mental anguish, physical turmoil, emotional distress, pain, suffering, agony, Deja vu, unwanted summoned entities, bad memories, future bad memories, Deja vu, eviscerations, mastications, castrations, felony charges, murders, weight loss, weight gain, weight displacement, clavicle deletion, thyroid sickness, bone duplications, alien abductions, unwanted thoughts, wanted thoughts, unknown thoughts, intrusive thoughts, politely overstaying their welcome thoughts, mucus detonations, facial reconstruction, Deja vu, locating the Beyond of Bed Bath And, being late for dinner, being early for dinner, removing dinner from existence, removing you from existence, copulating with your mom, causing your parent’s divorce, causing your Batman origin story, influencing your friends to only speak backwards, malfunctioning mirrors, Deja vu, breaking My Chemical Romance up again, theft, crime, hooliganism, roughhousing, squid parties, inverting mountains, causing your immune system to become aware of your eyeballs, spinal dysfunction, ending the great emu war, starting the second great emu war, putting cement where it shouldn’t be, spontaneous sinkholes, scheduled earthquakes, permanent removal of a random protein sequence in your DNA, gifting you the gift of too many chromosomes, killing Santa Claus, preventing baby Hitler from being murked by time travelers, giving Donald Trump plot armor, framing you for time crimes, giving the muppet joker a new kin, Deja vu, rigging the World Series, eternal bad luck, stealing all your Tupperware lids, replacing your spaghetti with snakeskin, toggling gravity off, turning off the sun, evaporating all water on earth, spinning the solar system backwards, reversing the irreversible, adding 13 to all clocks, giving giraffes sentience, making chimpanzees invincible, making mosquitoes invisible, overconsumption of battery acid, brain bleeding, soul molding, mind breaking, and cancer. Bill Cipher and his associates hold no responsibility for any and all disasters listed here. By submitting an ask you forfeit your mind body and soul to be used in the future as Bill chooses.

DSJ MB DEOUT TGB SUPBR SBARBT KHCBKONF LBDK OCCBR!

[bloodbruise]

wednesday snippet

thank you for the tags lovely mar @messymoony and chris @godsofwoes !!! writing has been a challenge this week, but i dug through my drafts to give u guys some random rosekiller mush <33

He's glancing over at Evan, and this, he thinks, this is the moment. The stage light bathes half his face, casting his skin a pretty lilac hue. And god. Evan's bopping his head to the music, a gentle smile playing on his lips. He's not even doing anything particularly special. Still, Barty can’t help but feel bested. Played at his own game. His heart has turned to mush, slipping down, down, down before he could even realize it. Too distracted looking the other way, and by the time he does—realize, that is—it's too far out of his reach. His heart has gone and attached itself to Evan. Parasitic, he thinks. Heart parasitic and feeding off Evan’s bright and his mirth his good. Evan can’t fix his problems, Barty knows that. It’s chemical, he briefly hears echoes of doctors discussing something about receptors and dysfunctional neurotransmitters. Which—fitting, for Barty. That not even the fucking chemicals in his brain could work properly. But he can’t help but think it would be nice—to have Evan. For him to be there when Barty is too listless to get out of bed. To have him be the first tinglings of feeling once the depression-induced, full-body novocaine shot starts to wear off. His stomach feels funny, like all his insides were scooped out and replaced with Sprite. Bubbling, sparking, and—yeah, maybe it’s not the most romantic metaphor, but he thinks it fits. It fits them. 

np tags: @fromagony @bellaxisworld @ecstarry

[smytherines]

trying not to think about how Owen Carvour starts out as property of a government that would imprison him or force him to take estrogen if they ever found out he was gay, goes through a catastrophic trauma caused by the man he loved and trusted, and ends up with his personhood functionally gone, as a thing without an identity, a weapon that only exists to kill and cause pain

I mean seriously, during Owen's time the UK was actively imprisoning gay men, or forcing them into "chemical castration," forcing them to take estrogen to induce sexual dysfunction (thought to make it so gay men couldn't act on their desires)

So the idea that his relationship with Curt is the one place he gets to feel safe, gets to be himself, gets to be a human being instead of somebody's useful tool, and then that one person he had, the person he loved and trusted, left him to die. The bottom drops out of his life in a spectacularly violent fashion, and the only people left to scrape him up off the floor make it very clear that he is useful to them.

At least as Owen Carvour, he had an identity. Even if he had to keep it a secret, at least he had someone he trusted to share that secret with. After the fall, he has nobody. Nothing. His body and his brain are not the same, he has pain and mobility issues and emotional dysregulation and burns and scars that he never had before. He doesn't recognize himself. That last little scrap of ownership he had over his life is gone.

He is what Chimera wants him to be, because Owen Carvour died in that weapons facility in 1957

[so-called-yokai]

So, fun fact. Eshra('s species) is immune to capsaicin. He has no idea he just chemically attacked his boyfriend/best friend/packmate.

An idea that's been living in my brain for ages now and brought to life by the delightful @dysfunctional-doodle. Go check out their Ko-fi!

[aressida]

Wrote a long one cos the in law family wanted him to take the flu shot, I said no.

"Dear Family, Friends, and Medical Professionals,

I am writing to share some thoughts and questions about vaccines, particularly in light of recent developments.

Do we believe that vaccines are the ultimate solution in medicine?

It is commonly known that influenza vaccines are reformulated each season due to the virus’s constant mutation, making it challenging to predict and protect against new strains accurately.

Is it true that these vaccines bypass the liver’s natural filtration system, potentially causing a shock to our bodies?

How should we classify these ingredients—as toxic or benign?

Here are just some vaccine ingredients, and these are being injected into your body and into your children’s bodies if you choose to vaccinate:

– Formaldehyde/Formalin – Highly toxic systemic poison and carcinogen.

– Betapropiolactone – Toxic chemical and carcinogen. May cause death or permanent injury after very short exposure to small quantities. Corrosive chemical.

– Hexadecyltrimethylammonium bromide – May cause damage to the liver, cardiovascular system, and central nervous system. May cause reproductive effects and birth defects.

– Aluminum hydroxide, aluminum phosphate, and aluminum salts – Neurotoxin. Carries risk for long-term brain inflammation/swelling, neurological disorders, autoimmune disease, Alzheimer’s, dementia, and autism. It penetrates the brain where it persists indefinitely.

– Thimerosal (mercury) – Neurotoxin. Induces cellular damage, reduces oxidation-reduction activity, cellular degeneration, and cell death. Linked to neurological disorders, Alzheimer’s, dementia, and autism.

– Polysorbate 80 & 20 – Trespasses the blood-brain barrier and carries with it aluminum, thimerosal, and viruses; allowing them to enter the brain.

– Glutaraldehyde – Toxic chemical used as a disinfectant for heat-sensitive medical equipment.

– Fetal Bovine Serum – Harvested from bovine (cow) fetuses taken from pregnant cows before slaughter.

– Human Diploid Fibroblast Cells – Aborted fetal cells. Foreign DNA has the ability to interact with our own.

– African Green Monkey Kidney Cells – Can carry the SV-40 cancer-causing virus that has already tainted about 30 million Americans.

– Acetone – Can cause kidney, liver, and nerve damage.

– E. Coli – Yes, you read that right.

– DNA from porcine (pig) Circovirus type-1

– Human embryonic lung cell cultures (from aborted fetuses)

You can view all of these ingredients on the CDC’s website. I encourage everyone to do their own research. Look up the MSDS on these chemicals. Read the thousands of peer-reviewed studies that have evaluated the biological consequences these chemicals can have on the body, especially when being injected.

Injecting foreign substances directly into the bloodstream—viruses, toxins, and proteins—has been linked to various diseases and disorders. These include conditions like atypical measles, cancer, leukemia, multiple sclerosis, and even SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome).

Conditions like Addison’s disease, anaphylactic shock, arthritis, asthma, asymptomatic COVID-19, Crohn’s disease, epilepsy, facial paralysis, fibromyalgia, fetal distress syndrome, foreign body embolism, genital herpes, hepatitis, hyperthyroidism, inflammatory bowel disease, jugular vein embolism, lung abscess, lupus, meningitis, MERS-CoV test positive, migraine-triggered seizures, multiple organ dysfunction syndrome, multiple sclerosis, multisystem inflammatory syndrome in children, pneumonia, stiff leg syndrome, stiff person syndrome, stillbirth, sudden heart attack, sudden respiratory failure, type 1 diabetes, uterine rupture, viral bronchitis—and much more.

This does not mean everyone will experience these reactions, but a significant number of test subjects have experienced one or more.

It is more than enough evidence to show that vaccine mandates are completely anti-scientific.

How can you make an informed decision if you do not have all the information?

We have also seen a shift where flu vaccines are now mRNA-based. But does a "vaccine" really prevent a virus or its recurrence as we expect it to?

The annual flu shot is, at best, a partial defense, aimed at last year’s strain. Does it truly help against the ever-mutating new flu, or is it just a temporary fix?

My concern is that this mindset—that a vaccine is a quick fix for everything—is flawed. The immune system may struggle to handle these types of agents, leading to breakthrough infections and potentially higher mortality rates.

For those who are vaccinated, I respect your choice. I simply ask for the same respect in return for my decision not to vaccinate. My reasons are personal and grounded in a belief that the government should not dictate my health choices and my family's.

Have you heard about Pfizer’s side effects?

Have you read the Pfizer documentation? Ask yourself if a drug with 32 pages of side effects is right for you.

The list of potential vaccine side effects released by Pfizer is alarming, ranging from autoimmune disorders to serious conditions like multiple organ dysfunction and sudden respiratory failure. Yet, this information was kept under wraps and only recently made public. Shouldn’t we be informed of the risks?

Do we even know the medium- or long-term effects of these vaccines?

Are they still in clinical trials? Is there a control group? What about Antibody-Dependent Enhancement (ADE) – has it been adequately tested? And why are ingredients like formaldehyde and mercury, known toxins, included in these vaccines?

Do you truly think this vaccine is 100% safe?

Transparency is crucial.

How can we make informed decisions if we are not given all the information?

We must ask ourselves, do we trust the pharmaceutical companies and their relationships with organizations like the CDC and FDA?

The FDA requested 75 years to release data on the Pfizer vaccine—why? Why did it take only 108 days to approve this vaccine, yet it supposedly requires decades to fully understand its effects?

Do you believe that SARS-CoV-2 has been isolated?

How well-informed are you about the CDC, FDA, pharmaceutical companies, and their donors? Do you think their qualifications are reliable?

These are important questions that deserve honest discussions. And, I believe it is crucial to acknowledge the existence of these alternative perspectives and engage in open discussions to gain a more comprehensive understanding.

Our health and freedom are at stake, and I urge everyone to think critically and seek out all the information before making decisions.

Thank you for taking the time to consider these points."