#brain damage is still here if im being honest
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hallucxnating · 8 months ago
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very quick stuff to get the brain damage out of my system
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batz · 1 year ago
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urpersonalpublicgalaxy · 4 months ago
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in-progress fnaf theory!!! now that ive established fnaf has a space on my blog... :3
prototype freddy.
thats some weird shit right??? well actually no he very well could be perfectly explainable and heres how (in other words i see a lot of confusion over him anddd my brain connected some dots i would like to share!!)
(at the very bottom is tl;dr!!!)
gonna explain the some base info first, but i am assuming some level of understanding of sb and ruin during this however so if ur new to either this might not make sense, sorry :( im gonna ramble a bit so get comfy
princess quest is the canon ending, based on evidence from ruin. this theory is reliant on that
ok so!!!! lets talk about the Vanny option (at the doors, 6am) as choosing this option is mandatory to reach both the vanny ending and the pq ending
when the option is selected everyones least favourite Freddy Gets Trashed cutscene plays, regardless of doing pq or not
yknow...
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so!! the damage to him, which is from this scene, happens regardless of vanny ending or pq ending, we just only get to really see it in the vanny ending
heres a good look at that
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and now i want you to take a good stare at prototype freddy (especially the arm and torso!!)
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the damage is, while a little more extreme (which could easily just be from how much time has passed between sb and ruin) near identical
and his head is missing, which circles back around to the pq ending, in which gregory takes freddys head with him!! small issue- the damage
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which is rather clearly completely missing from him in the pq ending. well luckily i can explain this too :3
there are very obviously time gaps in the pq ending cutscene. what we are shown is not *everything* thats happening there. link to a video of the cutscene,,
youtube
he leans out the window, takes a look at the staff bots deactivating- and then it cuts to him, standing near the exit, vanessa waiting for him at the door, freddy already in a bag. shit has CLEARLY gone down off screen in that time jump because 1. shes waiting for him and not freaking out, 2. gregory isnt scared shitless of her and freddy trusts her (you cannot convince me freddy would trust her automatically, even if he did at the start of the night. he KNEW that she was vanny,
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or at the very least that she was connected with it,
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and he still literally instructs gregory on killing her. this is a screenshot from a pq ending playthrough.)
so!! they fixed freddys head
what better way for gregory to trust vanessa than her helping to fix the one consistent friend & safety hes had in that whole place?? besides, at this points its mandatory that hes done the power upgrade plus roxys eyes and either montys or chicas parts, so hes got SOME experience at least, not to mention that repairs seem to be intentionally incredibly simple in design (probably so they dont have to get employees with actual qualifications... lets be honest, makes sense considering the company we're talking about.)
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however-- the damage done is something considerably different than before, and doesn't have a built-in routine, which does pose some entirely new challenges, and before he atleast had some direction from hand unit.
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so of course, vanessa who is an **actual employee** probably comes in handy here!! especially considering the fact freddy himself would be 'dead' for most of it-- since thats what happens at the end of the vanny ending cutscene, he shuts down
anyways its entirely believable that this kid would want to get his new father figure fixed first and foremost (hes gone out of his way just for freddy before, and vice versa) and that she would want to help him in any way possible after yk, being murderous.. and entirely believable that this would be possible to do. and, it explains the level of trust shown in the cutscene :)
and the course of action with 'ok take his head off', it makes sense the rest of his body wouldn't be salvagable, with it beyond either of their qualifications (since vanessa is a security guard and not a technician) and most importantly, probably impossible for either of them to actually move. and vanessa was literally talking shit to him headless earlier, not to mention gregory having to reattach it- theyre both familar to some degree with the idea of him working without his body connected
tl;dr: prototype freddy isnt another model or some weird shit, its just his leftover corpse lmao couldnt be me
PLEASE please join in the discussion; this theory is NOT foolproof and while i could explain how the prototype mark and present in his chest wouldve gotten there, ive got many reasons why and nothing concrete to say which one of them is accurate!!! (if anyones interested, i can reblog with my current ideas on that ^_^)
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sinfulforrest · 4 months ago
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gonna put this under a cut, mentions of strokes and hospital things and just a general cry into the void jdmfm
on Saturday I found my dad having a stroke, like a really really bad one, and honestly the sight I saw will never leave my head I think, I've calmed down a lot since everything transpired and he got taken away to a stroke specialist hospital to get treated, but today is gonna be the first time I go up to the hospital with my mum to see him and im just really nervous about it
I just don't even really know what to say, yknow? I have so much I wanna say but I can't really, the poor bloke is still extremely weak and drowsy from the operation that he had and all the meds and just the fatigue you get when you suffer from shit like that, and I'm also pretty scared that he might not want me or my lil bro to see him in this state, he's one of those guys that cannot show weakness in front of people and absolutely despises bein weak and vulnerable (wonder where I get that from...), and honest to god I think it'd kill me if he got upset with me and my bro
I worry about money cause my dad has a great paying job, whilst the rest of us earn pennies in comparison tbh, because if he gets permanently paralysed then I very very much doubt he'll be able to go back to work, so I'm fuckin praying that when he gets to the physiotherapy and speech therapy side of things that it can help and he can push through like the stubborn ol bastard that I know he is
I just hate that there's nothing really anybody can do, we'll have to wait a good six weeks or so to see what the scale of the damage is on my dad's brain and how much of a hike it'll be for him to get back to a livable state. I just pray to whatever god is out there that he can walk and talk properly again as time goes on, I really miss him not being here swearing his head off and being a grump and it just feels really wrong without his presence bein here
I'm gonna do my best to support my mum and bro though, it's starting to hit my mum a lot now so I'm gonna try and stay strong for her and be optimistic about things. I'll defo be comfort doodlin a lot in the coming weeks I reckon when I regain my energy and can sleep properly, it won't be much but I think that'll help take my mind away from things for a little bit
I think I might reblog this later once I've seen my dad and write my feelings n how it went here too, so if you don't wanna see me clog up your feed just block my tag stuff I guess
make sure to tell your loved ones that you love em, you lot, you never know when horrid shit like this will come outta the blue and sweep em away from you
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drdemonprince · 1 year ago
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Also internal family systems anon I havent forgot you! Here are some late night vacation thoughts:
You described not wanting to go to therapy as meaning a person isn't presently interested in healing. There's an assumption lurking in there that it would be good for a therapist in training to check. Not all therapeutic experiences bring healing, some make a person's life way worse, and because of the power differential it can be actively damaging to some populations who desperately need more agency and can't risk losing it. Sometimes accepting oneself and not believing that one needs an authority figure to help them find healing is far more beneficial, some people do not want any change of any kind regardless and that's up to them, etc. I know youre well intentioned on this that's why I'm bringing it up. Therapists need to be very aware of how much power and pain they can be bringing to the room.
You mentioned that the goal of IFS therapy is in fact identity integration, and I stand corrected! I still think for some the parts framework can be triggering, especially for maskers who view themselves as having separate selves and don't enjoy/benefit from that, but I hear you that such a metaphor can be avoided by the therapist. I hope lots of IFS therapists are as aware of this and willing to tweak the language as you!
Finally, you asked about my own prior issues with regard to depersonalization and a fractured sense of self. To be honest, I and a hypnodom used hard core brainwashing files on me for hours per day for weeks to create a robotic persona that was controlling my life and locking away my emotions most hours of the day and bombarding my consciousness with identity and emotion erasing mantras all the times that it wasnt. it was all terribly sexy but it turned me insane. I know other kinky autistics with similar breakdown experiences. I have to steer pretty clear from some talk of being an internal system because it makes me dissociate like crazy bc my brain is very very inclined to do it. it already was before all this shit and then i dug in a huge groove in it by force. ive actually had multiple breakdowns with various attempts at this type of thing, but that was the worst one.
today i cant really tolerate the idea of me having separate selves or parts vying for control with one another. highly insane making topic. far better for me to instead think of myself as a dynamic being in an ever evolving context. an external view of the context and moment is far more helpful to me bc i already gaze inward and hyper analyze my inclinations and history a debilitating amount. my routines my environment how im treating my body, all that i can change.
but again, ymmv! ive heard many autistics say they love ifs.
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theendofuno · 1 year ago
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okay….haii tl;dr: i want to throw myself from a reactor nuclear and besides loving this page dearly keeping it daily isnt helping me with these kinda of thought so ill start a god-knows-who-long hiatus
now *puts a music box version of meltdown by iroha for dramatic purposes* *cleans throat* pretending im talking to an audience its easier for me okay dont judge me :(
i dont know how to write texts but ill try my best to explain everything without going into too much annoying stuff but the text may have a few suicide mentions here and there
okay
i created this page in a very dark period of my life that never went away, it actually worsened everyday. it was supposed just to be fun and games, "oh this character didnt got released this month, maybe drawing him everyday for a month until he gets here will be very funny!!!" *stares at 2 years*
as you can see, i didnt had ANY prepare to keep going for the long we did, but this is 100% not a complain
i really love this page, i really do love everyone i've met, i love having this project with my best friend, but i cant and wont lie: it made me VERY worse than i already was. it made me feel good, it made me feel loved, it made me feel human again, and at the same time it absolutely killed me
having to keep this consistence everyday, having to do good drawings, not allowing myself to do what it was better for my own health just because i didnt wanted to disappoint people with silly drawings when the first week was all cool drawings full colored with a bunch of details, references and etc
i really lost my count of how many times i had a terrible breakdown or even an attempt and my first thought was just "yeah that sucked. anyway i have to work so people will have some art tomorrow!"
and to be honest i dont think starting this page with my friend was…..that of a good idea. i know youre here just for their art. you dont need to lie i know theyre better than i am and you would prefer to see their art everyday other than mine. dont worry the feeling its mutual
but well theyre a slow artist and i wont be the one forcing them to draw everyday, i am the one that can do it and thats what i did for 300 days until now!
but that was something that kinda broke my feelings also cuz im very harsh on myself and keeping comparing their drawings to mine, not only the quality but also the different attention it all got (and sometimes it was almost a 20 likes difference so..sucks to be me ig) isnt doing good for my little damaged brain. its 100% not their fault tho and im not saying it is KJGDKFDK but if im going to be honest then i will
i dont know how to keep going the text tbh,, so,, my point is that im havent felt well since i started the page, and i love it with my whole heart, and these feelings have nothing to do with uno, grand chase itself, or the community (maybe a 2% fault go for annoying people from twitter /hj), im just being a little egoistic and doing this for myself or otherwise i can go completely insane and well. psych wards dont look funny :(
i really feel nasty, an HORRIBLE human being, absolute egoistic trash by abandoning the page, i feel SO FUCKING BAD for not drawing my son, by not updating here everyday and allowing people to see the silly stuff i do, but i guess i got to my breaking point where i just cant keep ignoring my suicide attempts by drawing and keeping my mouth shut (really, my last attempt was so scary i didnt fully recovered from)
yeahhhhhhh
i guess that was it
i pinky-promise i'll try my best to keep drawing and posting everytime i can, but it wont be daily, and it may not be weekly also, but i didnt gave up and i WONT gave up, this page is my absolute pride and joy and i cant just let it go away for a bad mental day. i still love and forever will love uno and drawing him, and i'll be forever happy for everyone i've met and helped me even without they knowing, just by liking or commenting on my stuff
i hope you guys can forgive me for abandoning stuff right now and i hope y'all dont forget me. i wont be mad if you forget me. i'll just be a little sad. maybe cry a little *stares at you like that ( ◕_◕)* but dont worry. its okay.
i'll be trying my best to get back posting daily at least around day 330, but dont put high hopes. please. dont expect much. bigs chances i'll be just dropping a stick man with a heart ahoge saying haiiiii and go back to posting silly ugly art
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cconfusedkat · 2 months ago
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so something about your post on internet safety with this whole thing with the drama, you say stuff on like how to stay safe and stuff but then proceed to say that your taking a break bc your overshared?? like how does that work; you talk about not oversharing and yet you do and say ‘i’m prob gonna delete the app and take a break’ or something like that. genuinely how does that make since and also you say something about blocking people you don��t want to talk to, have you blocked airis? but in all truthfulness your cyber bullying a minor, your an adult and you should know better. not that i’m siding with anyone here im just wondering. and also possibly lying about not having good english isn’t a good idea, i may not know you but ive seen enough of your posts to know that you have some pretty good english, i dont know what’s happening in your personal life but on here you have some pretty good English and grammar. some of those words are really big for someone who has bad english, example, ‘Self deprecation’ and also blaming the your ‘bad english’ for something is just down right stupid.
like cool, there’s drama but just because your an adult doesn’t mean you can cyberbully people and get away with it. lets be real, you can drop what ever drama this is and quite literally forget about it. I’m being real here and lets be honest your not. (still not siding with anyone) i know airis said things they probably shouldn’t have and so have you, not to be rude or anything but you need to drop it.
yes, i know things here repeat a few times but that’s because i need to get my point across, you can ignore this if you want but honestly what’s happening between you and airis is messed up and it should stop before it turns into something that it shouldn’t.
also it’s extremely stupid all of this started because YOU got mad at them for venting, they didn’t ask for your opinion. i get that you had one but you could keep it to yourself. airis was venting to people they wanted to vent to that are in the fandom and she wanted to make aware. you could’ve kept to yourself and not said anything but you had to go put your nose into peoples business and start drama for no reason. YOU picked apart they’re vent just to start something.
you need to get some responsibility through your tiny adult brain and actually start acting like one. it’s so stupid how i know kids, literal children who act more adult than you and your what? 19? and you may think ‘oh well i’m only a year into adulthood, i’m still really a teenager’ well your not, where im from you can be held accountable for your actions, which your not doing. your getting so much support from people, which you don’t need because your not the one person who’s mentally health has been messed up from this. if anything airis needs more support than you do but no. everyone is taking your side for no reason, it’s just really stupid. how your getting support for the drama you started because you couldn’t keep YOURSELF in your own business.
You are right, I will admit, as I could've left it alone, however i still felt as it was important to point out some things 🫠 you do not know me ,and it is pretty bold of you to assume good grammar = first language English...? Thats my only complaint ill make here but ill take it as a compliment supposedly
and if its genuinely cyberbullying, then thank you for pointing this out against me, usually no one really points out the critics of another side so im glad you could point that out- my words tried not to mean harm, but if they truly did, then i can delete the posts involved and drop it all
I will not post about it any further, i know it has caused enough damage and i dont wish to put any further harm on aigis, you can hold me accountable for that as well
And i deleted that post a couple mins after (the oversharing thing( cuz i gen didnt think it was a good idea to keep up 😭 im shocked anyone saw that,, youre right on that
i will prevent saying anything else, this gave me a reality check and i am thankful for that, i often get heated and distracted so i know ive said a lot of hypocritical things already,, i have kept them blocked and i wont push anything further
I agree that aigis should have support i will not deny that either, im sorry
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dollmulder · 3 months ago
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well- the first week of my october movie marathon is complete. so far, my favorites are creature from the black lagoon and invasion of the body snatchers.
i'll add some more slightly in depth reviews below
dracula (1931)
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firstly, i love the vibes. the whole aesthetic is great, i just wish more time was spent at dracula's castle, and that there were more scenes w his wives, but that's just cuz i love beautiful women and beautiful vampire women at that. this is the first movie ive watched from the 30s, and i have to say it's quite a step up from my enjoyment of nosteratu, which if im going to be honest, i mainly couldn't get into because it was a silent film, im sorry i just dont think i can get into silent movie watching, but ill try again someday. i do however still have a deep appreciation for nosferatu due to its historical significance, and im very excited to watch robert egger's nosferatu when it comes out. in terms of scariness, i think count orlok is creepier in appearance but bela lugosi's count dracula is iconic when it comes to the idea of vampires, i just love the gothic aesthetic. one thing i don't particularly understand is why renfield became like dracula's slave. upon watching i was under the impression dracula had turned him to a vampire when his three wives tried to close in on him and he sent them away so he could have him to himself, but instead renfield just became his slave who was obsessed with eating spiders and wanted dracula to turn him to a vampire? idk. did i enjoy this movie? kind of. do i think ill ever be watching it again? probably not. am i glad i watched it however? yes, absolutely!
frankenstein (1931)
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now this movie i enjoyed a tad bit more than dracula, i found it more compelling, and i found that i could get into the monster character of frankenstein more than i could dracula, but this is mostly because i was able to see and be with frankenstein's monster from his creation to his ending. i really loved the opening bit before the movie played: "i think it will thrill you. it may shock you. it might even horrify you.", and also how frankenstein's actor was simply listed as a question mark in the opening credits. brilliant! anyways, i understand people have criticisms of this movie adaptation as it differs from mary shelley's original work, which yes i have read... partially. (i read it in college but i was also going through a bad mental health period at the time so i skipped my english class a lot 🙃) but as for this movie adaptation itself without comparing it to her original story, i liked it! i feel i was able to get more into this film as i developed more feelings and connections to the characters than i did to any characters in dracula, and i don't mean to compare the movies too much, but well, they were released the same year so. i sympathized with frankenstein's monster a bit, as he didn't understand that he was a "monster" and hell i would've attacked fritz too. fuck that guy. a very small criticism i have is the scene when fritz steals the brain. i understand he stole the "criminal" brain because he accidentally dropped the "normal" brain jar (dumbass) but... wouldn't the brain still have been fine? couldn't he have picked it up off the ground and still used it? i mean dr frankenstein was literally sewing dead body parts together so who cares if the brain was a little dirty, although i suppose it could've been damaged in the fall, and that's probably the idea they were going for, but like. i feel like it would've still worked and been fine cuz it was in a glass jar and it wasn’t that big of a drop lol... but let's ignore that and move onto them using the abnormal brain. how did dr frankenstein not know until dr waldman told him? i know he was under the assumption that fritz was retrieving the normal brain, but hello? the jar was clearly labeled. like i said though this is a small criticism, im just being nitpicky here. i did quite enjoy this film, and im excited to watch bride of frankenstein at some point!
the wolf man (1941)
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this movie, i don't have much to say about. coincidentally, bela lugosi has stared in the first ever 30s movie and first ever 40s movie ive watched, although in a smaller role. anyways, i unfortunately was a bit tired while watching this film as i had a long day that day so i slept through a small bit of it 😬 i watched most of the film though so im still counting it! and i looked up the wikipedia plot, as i do with a lot of movies anyway lol. but for my thoughts on the film... larry talbot was a creep weirdo in the beginning when he was trying to flirt w gwen Like okay... i know it was the 40s and it wasn't necessarily intending to be creepy but STILL. "oh im psychic (not actually i was spying on you) and i know you have these specific earrings up in your bedroom random woman i've never met before 🤪." you're a FREAK!!! anyways, i did somewhat enjoy watching this, however, it wasn't as good as i was expecting/hoping, and so far, this is my least favorite out of what ive watched this october. i'm not saying this was an awful movie by any means, it just wasn't my cup of tea, which honestly i should've expected cuz im not big into werewolf stuff. im still glad i watched it for the experience though, and maybe sometime ill try revisiting it without falling asleep lol, as there were bits of it i did enjoy.
creature from the black lagoon (1954)
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now this movie, i actually enjoyed more than i thought i was going to! i'm generally not big on creature features in all honesty, but yeah as i said i enjoyed this one quite a bit! i love the costume design of the creature A LOT, and the underwater scenes were very well done. i think i like this movie as well frankenstein because these "monsters" aren't evil. they're just curious and misunderstood. the creature didn't attack carl's assistants (i forgot their names whoops) because it’s a bloodthirsty beast, but because it felt threatened and they attacked first. i don't regard this movie as scary, cuz well, in terms of horror we've progressed quite a lot since the 50s, but also because i feel a sense of sadness for the poor creature. i know it attacked/ kidnapped kay, (as well as attacking others too ofc) but i don't think this was out of malicious intent, i think the creature was fascinated with her, which obviously i’m not saying that makes it all okay cuz bitch i'd be scared too if the creature abducted me and brought me to its lair. anyways, i also skimmed the wikipedia plot for this movie, cuz like i said, i do that a lot, and the sentence "the group goes aboard the tramp steamer rita, captained by crusty lucas." made me laugh cuz like okay whyre you calling this dude crusty LMFAO 😭😭
invasion of the body snatchers (1956)
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wow! this movie was great! i loved the suspense! also, i must say, becky was so beautiful and i absolutely adore the first outfit she was wearing, that dress was gorgeous on her. i also loved how she was treated as capable and not just a female character constantly needing protection of men, i think she was just as much of a hero and a star of the film as dr bennell was. it made me quite sad when she was taken over by one of the so called "pod people", i wish her and miles could've made it together, but i did like that her becoming a pod person added to miles sense of isolation at the end of the film, knowing he was the only human left out of santa mira, so im not too upset she was turned. anyways, the idea/plot of this movie is a little goofy lol, like seed pods from outer space that grow and duplicate human bodies, but that's what makes it fascinating. it's unique and interesting! and i like that there's this layer of fear added in that once these pod people take over, there'll be a loss of humanity, of love, of grief, of all feeling. humanity will cease to exist, and so will human connection as everyone will become an emotionless replica. that's the true horror. this has easily become one of my favorite movies i've watched from the 50s, and with how much i enjoyed it as well as creature from the black lagoon, i think i need to watch more 50s horror! also i'm very excited to eventually watch the 1978 version with donald sutherland.
blood and black lace (1964)
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my first movie in color, and wow i must say, the colors are AMAZING! i’m writing this after just having watched the opening credits, and im already obsessed!!! i wish we could still have technicolor films today, and i don’t entirely understand why it’s considered impossible but whatever. anyways, a small criticism i have before i continue watching is that the movie is italian, but the audio is an english dub. i tried finding the original italian audio, but i guess it doesn’t exist and if i wanted to watch it in italian, it would still be a dub, so thats pointless. also- and i know this isn’t the movies fault, but the subtitles didnt match up, they said the gist of what the characters are saying but its worded differently so… there’s no point in having those on either, which is annoying as i like to watch movies with subtitles. not the end of the world, so i’ll continue as this movie still looks great visually and the plot intrigues me.
now that ive finished watching it- i can honestly say this movie was kind of mid. don’t get me wrong, i liked the plot, but somehow they made it seem… plotless?? i don’t really know how to explain it. i honestly would really love to see a modern remake, but only if they could keep the vibrant colors! that’s one thing i absolutely loved ESPECIALLY the reds! stunning!!! also lowkey all i could think abt whenever the killer was on screen was that he looked like slenderman 😭😭😭 i didn’t hate this movie by any means, but i really couldn’t get into it, and i feel so conflicted abt that because the plot does fascinate me, but the execution was just not great. it wasn’t even bad really but like i said, somehow they excelled at making it seem so boring!!! and i don’t really like the ending that much cuz like, usually im all for a woman getting revenge but girl u were literally complicit in the murders so… the whole revenge thing i think they were going for wasn’t super satisfying.
suspiria (1977)
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so this movie was similar to blood and black lace with the dubbing and whatnot, however i watched this one with an italian dub, as that’s just the audio that the site i watched it on had. and again, the subtitles were a little wonky at times, which is no fault of the movie ofc, but like sometimes there would be random numbers and instead of having a double l, it would use a quotation mark? (like instead of the word “well”, the subtitles would say we”) anyways, i believe this movie was in technicolor too, as the colors were so vibrant and visually appealing. the audio design on this movie was great too, i really enjoyed that. as for the plot… it was kind of boring? it was a bit slow and i didn’t really feel any intensity or suspense while watching, but the last like 15 or so minutes i did get quite into it. the colors for these scenes were GREAT i absolutely loved the yellows. i must say though, a handful of the kills in this movie felt… pointless idk. so did some of the scares too. i did enjoy this movie, and i will be watching the 2018 remake eventually, which hopefully, even though it won’t be in technicolor obviously, will still keep up with the lighting and colors somehow. that’s one thing i just absolutely adored, especially in the ending like i said. with this thought, im going to try and seek out more technicolor horror films as im just genuinely so obsessed, that’s one thing this movie got absolutely right. also, i didn’t intend to watch blood and black lace and suspiria back to back for this reason, but apparently dario argento was influenced by blood and black lace when making this film, which makes sense bc they’re quite similar, and so im kinda glad it ended up working out this way.
october movie marathon watchlist 2024
dracula (1931)
frankenstein (1931)
the wolf man (1941)
creature from the black lagoon (1954)
invasion of the body snatchers (1956)
blood and black lace (1964)
suspiria (1977)
exorcist ii: the heretic (1977)
the slumber party massacre (1982)
halloween iii: season of the witch (1982)
friday the 13th: a new beginning (1985)
the return of the living dead (1985)
re-animator (1985)
a nightmare on elm street part 2: freddy's revenge (1985)
poltergeist ii: the other side (1986)
halloween 4: the return of michael myers (1988)
in the mouth of madness (1994)
scream 3 (2000)
28 days later (2002)
seed of chucky (2004)
final destination 3 (2006)
the texas chainsaw massacre: the beginning (2006)
wrong turn 2: dead end (2007)
saw v (2008)
get out (2017)
annabelle comes home (2019)
a quiet place part ii (2020)
fear street: 1666 (2021)
in a violent nature (2024)
maxxxine (2024)
i saw the tv glow (2024)
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wraether · 2 years ago
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dude tbh im a totally different anon but im frothing at the mouth like a little rabid clown begging to know more abt these characters. theyre sick asf and listening to the occasional nonsensical brain rambling is why i followed in the first place lol
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Everything's under the cut, I tried to make it make sense without forcing you to read a billion excerpts from the roleplay, just a few. TW for toxic friendships, abuse, mentions of alcoholism, and also like. a lot of text
Before anything I've gotta give you a rundown on the necessary context to understand why exactly I've been losing my mind over these two. In short, they're characters from a danganronpa killing game roleplay server, where the "gimmick" is that every member of the cast has committed a crime & the setting is vaguely prison themed/inspired by deco*27's MILGRAM project; I write for Patryck, and my friend writes for Josephine AKA Soap. Here are their character profiles:
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(God the art for these is already kinda old...)
For a brief rundown on their personalities, Patryck is a fairly average guy who desperately tries to be cooler than he is. He can't seem to hold down a partner, works too hard, and he's lacking in self control. In five words I'd describe him as flirty, burnt-out, insecure, sarcastic, and clingy. Soap is a lazy, hedonistic con-artist who's physically weak but great at reading people. They're a highly manipulative liar, and in five words I'd describe them as laidback, relaxed, nosy, cowardly, and pleasure-seeking. This is oversimplifying it, but I think it gets the general idea across.
Patryck is in on battery & aggravated assault charges for attacking a customer at work, and Soap is in for false impersonation—for most of the game, she was going by Josephine, the name of a missing person who's identity they'd stolen.
As far as the game goes, the two of them developed a "friendship" early on because Soap saw Patryck as weak and vulnerable—which he very much is—and he, simultaneously, needed someone to dump his issues onto. One of his toxic traits is forcing people to play therapist for him so, in a way, Soap was perfect for this… But unfortunately for him they had nothing but bad intentions. Patryck would run to them whenever he felt stressed or otherwise needed comfort and, in turn, Soap would lend an ear and pick apart his brain, pushing him into making worse decisions so he'd get upset again, crawl back, and the cycle would repeat. Examples of this include telling him it's okay to start drinking again when he started relapsing back into alcoholism, encouraging him to get into a romantic relationship with someone else when he definitely wasn't ready, saying he shouldn't stand up for himself after being threatened, etc.
This came to a head when, for one of the game's motives, Patryck was forced to wear a shock collar while Soap was given a remote that activated it. The power from this immediately went to their head, and without getting too into it, she shocked him repeatedly under the guise of "therapy" while getting him to trauma dump about things he usually kept under wraps and did this until he uhhh… passed out. The pain mixed with their placating, kind tone and scraps of physical affection did like. irreversible damage to his psyche I won't even lie.
Here's an excerpt from that thread, my friend's writing is first and the second is mine:
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Then, after he passed out, Soap stuck around and sat by his side until he woke up again, which he latched onto as a sign of them actually caring.
And what's sad is he would've been fine staying in this ridiculously toxic mockery of a friendship, if only they were being honest with him; when he finally found out Soap was lying—remember, they're in for impersonation, and he'd spent the whole game believing they were Josephine—which led him to questioning all their behavior, snapping, and killing them. (He regretted this almost immediately as they still had an iron tight grip on his psyche, but there wasn't much to be done about it)
In the aftermath of the murder, both of their dirty laundry was forcibly aired. Patryck had to confess to basically everything he'd done wrong in the past—which is a lot, I can't stress how flawed this guy is—and Soap's status as a lying fraud was revealed post mortem. Seeing everyone hate him—and hating himself so strongly—Patryck came to the conclusion that he was an inherently bad person and that trying to change would be impossible. He was promptly executed for his crimes and died miserably.
Here's an excerpt from his final monologue:
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(Real quick I have to say, Joey I know you get post notifs for my blog so if you—or anyone else from the server, spectators included—are reading this post, STOP RIGHT NOW! I'm about to spoil some stuff, and it'll ruin the final few chapters of the game if you know. So close this tab. Got it? Just come back when the game ends if you wanna read my incessant rambling)
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Okay, so I know what you're thinking now: "Bio, this is an interesting dynamic and all, like, there's definitely something compelling about a guy who usually hurts others having his toxic traits turned against him by a con artist until he reaches his breaking point, but... this really doesn't match up with the art you've been making."
And you're right! It doesn't! Because all the shit from the game is just the beginning. It's where the brainrot starts, but there's more. Because get this: the killing game took place in a simulation, meaning now that they've died and woken back up in the real world, they have to navigate the aftermath of all the shit they pulled and realize that, after everything they did, nobody else likes them—and for better or worse, they're all they have now.
And... Patryck still wants to be their friend, because he'd rather get hurt than be alone.
Him killing Soap evened out the power dynamic somewhat. Now Soap knows not to fuck with him too much, and he knows she's a liar—knows who she really is—which makes it easier to avoid being blindsided by their bullshit. They're on an even playing field and can keep each other in check.
So they're just stuck in a room now in shitty plastic chairs with nothing to do but talk to each other. Man, it's palpably awkward, but they're able to reach this mutual understanding because, the thing is, when everything's said and done, they're really similar. They both need other people around to function, they're both afraid of ending up alone, they're both toxic to be around, and they're both dependent on pretending to be something they're not—for Soap it was pretending to be Josephine, and for Pat it was pretending to be "cool" so other people liked him more. But, their end goals with this diverge. Pat wants to drop the artifice as soon as he can, whereas Soap clings to the lies desperately and uses them as a defense mechanism. Pat’s desperate to be known and know others; Soap is desperate to hide away.
Regardless, now that it's been stripped away, Soap's forced to be genuine and vulnerable for the first time—she's never opened up to anyone before, but she's got no other choice if she doesn't want to be alone; he just wants to know her better, and it's scary for her.
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But one of the key differences between Pat and Soap is their underlying worldview & how that affects their behavior and decision making. Where Pat is highly emotional, Soap makes it a point to prevent feelings from playing a factor at all. Pat killed Soap because he felt betrayed, but if Soap were to kill him, it would’ve been because they thought it through and doing so somehow benefited them.
It’s Patryck’s very feelings-oriented mindset that allowed Soap to hurt him so badly in the game; he needed someone to vent to, needed someone to show him affection, and they were able to take advantage of it since he’s easily placated by some kind words and a hug or two. Now that they’re out, though, and Pat’s her equal rather than her victim, he’s able to use that same mindset to disarm Soap completely and tear through their walls because they’re so highly logical and borderline anti-feelings that they don’t even expect him to be so earnest with them, let alone know how to react.
This head vs heart contrast between them is most clearly illustrated in their reactions to hearing that the other party doesn’t want to lose them, even after everything.
When Pat hears this, his reaction is nothing but relief. He doesn't even question their intentions when saying this, despite knowing the manipulation they're capable of. He's just happy to be wanted.
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But when Soap hears what is, essentially, the same sentiment, they frame it differently, skeptical as to whether or not he's telling the truth and, as seen in one of the previous screenshots thinking, "He wants to use her, too, huh? Maybe this is what being lucky feels like." as if the baseline, even in genuine friendships, is taking advantage of each other, which is why they find it so terrifying that he wants to be close to her.
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And Patryck's scared too, but he disregards it completely because he's much more willing to open himself up to being hurt if it means there's a chance at something real, at being cared for. His reply is natural:
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So we finally get it. Hand in unlovable hand.
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It's this insane mix of brutality and tenderness. Desperation and need. It's raw. It's emotional. It's a little pathetic, too. These two people who have hurt each other so terribly now have no choice but to be there for each other and, in a weird way, complete each other, since neither of them feel whole anymore; they click into place in the worst way possible, but it's so bad that it almost loops back around to being sweet. They're awful. They're wildly co-dependent. They're everything. They're driving me insane.
In the words of my friend: "They're therapist and patient and cat and mouse and victim and killer and also they are friends. by god they are fucking friends despite it all."
Since they've both lost their entire social lives, have nothing outside of each other, and nowhere else to go, becoming roommates is a natural decision, which is how we get to this domestic mess where their fucked up nature blends into something casual and expected. They bring out the worst in each other but, simultaneously, nullify a lot of their toxic traits; Soap's lying and manipulation is reduced to something he can easily deflect, and Pat's clingy, emotionally dependent nature isn't a problem for them, since they like having someone who relies on them a bit. Since they've both traumatized each other, they can also one up each other pettily with jokes about what they did in the simulation, IE "I wish I killed you for real", "Don't make me shock you more", etc.
Patryck still has potential to improve, but it's in Soap's best interest to prevent him from doing so, and he's so reliant on their company that the thought doesn't occur to him. Staying shitty with them is way, way easier than improving anyway. In a way it's kind of freeing to just admit he's terrible and have someone who will never leave him no matter what—who he'll never leave either.
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And basically we've just been talking about and ruining our brains over these two nonstop. It's so bad, you don't even understand, we've made not one, but three separate playlists for them.
There is, of course, the in-game playlist for the terrible power dynamic when Soap was just ruining Pat's brain and emotionally manipulating him nonstop.
Then there's the playlist for the night of the murder, since Pat killing Soap has a distinct vibe that doesn't fit into each other two.
And, lastly, my favorite of the playlists, the one we made for whatever the fuck they've got going in post-game.
Then, just when you think it's over. When you think the brain rot ends. THERE'S STILL MORE, BECAUSE IT'S NOT JUST A SIMULATED KILLING GAME. IT'S ALSO A FUCKING TIME LOOP.
Everyone has been forced through multiple rounds of the killing game, and their memories are wiped before they're sent in again, meaning the truth with their current dynamic is that they might fucking forget it all, pain and tenderness alike, the understanding they've finally achieved might amount to nothing, and they know it. There's infinite potential for past dynamics, there's grief and anxiety over what they've lost and can no longer recall, but what's most important to them is what they have right here and right now. And they just have to grapple with the fact that they could lose it!
WHAT THE FUCK! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO COPE WITH THAT!
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And then just to cap off this borderline essay, here's the summary of everything, my friend and I's magnum opus: The Patsoap Iceberg. (which is essentially just a TL;DR)
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sjweminem · 2 years ago
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Random question but you would know better than me lol uhm.👉👈 how do you deal with procrastination, if you deal with it at all? I have qn opportunity that would be great for me but i keep putting all the shit i need to get done for it off and now i have a week and im still sitting here freaking out instead of doing anything and it truly kills the man
honest to god? personally? drugs. stimulants. just look hard enough. research thoroughly. but also i DON'T recommend this lol
on the sober side, if you can establish a legit exercise (at least 1 hour) regimen you'll find your other life obligations start to seem smaller, manageable, even way easier, and your motivation will have grown in strength as well. it takes time but it works.
with this being said, i have severe executive dysfunction, ALWAYS have, and my brain damage makes it hard to physically see objects like trash or laundry so i avoid tidying UNLESS it is specifically requested and within a specific timeframe. i haven't been in school in a very long time but believe me all those grade-A essays and research papers got done the night before ( 😎 ) today, much older, i have the same problem.
oh yeah also utilize those browser extensions that block sites you specify, phone and computer, for selected periods of time. make sure there's no way of getting around those blocks!!!! a very very permanent decision for desktop browsers is an unremovable app called 'self control' which has NO way of overcoming, even if you delete the extension. i'm sure there are mobile versions too.
now go find yourself a browser extension, dip your toes into exercise (if you don't work out already), and stop using this website to message me!
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didiwaffles · 3 years ago
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since ur lonely (as per ur tumblr ask button, which i will assume means send whatever passes thru my mind) and i keep having the worst thoughts ever disguised as mastermindful ideas, how about:
the thrilling sequel to kiana and senti time travel adventures no one asked for: previous era shenanigans
(im still elysian realm babey chapter 1 and im only now unlocking more. stuff so like. mobius saying that herrschers to keep their own mind is unheard of... ehehe >:) free real estate in terms of ideas
senti with limited background knowledge cause girl forgot to download the memories before she unsubscribed to the fu hua newsletter: "uh oh" kiana: what uh oh. why did you say that senti: as previous era carole liked to say, bestie we're in trouble
(well, at least i like to think Carole talked like it was 2022)
sure sounds like a great place to be when you're a herrscher TM and you're not supposed to be there </3 oops
(i will elaborate more if u want me to but i also dont know that much just yet which is what i think makes these more fun without context)
anyway um thanks for listening to my rambles i hope im not being too annoying?! (if its any consolation, i ALSO yell out these ideas to at least 2 other people on discord, but my brain goes "wait but my tumblr scrunkly i somehow gained is being left out of the convo :(" so, here i am)
goodbye see you at the next honkai brainrot (and subsequential felis death denial)
Omg yes senti impact brainrot in my inbox <3
Yes, pretty much none of the PE Herrschers had anything human in them, and the only one who showed a soft side was PE Himeko and even then it was a trap and it damaged everyone involved heavily.
So yeah hard to say how CE Herrschers would behave if they were to be tped to PE. But to be honest, we don't know how they work even in CE. Back in her days Sirin was straight up connected to the Will of Honkai, she talked to it, and it even protected her from Hua (in case you haven't read the manga). Are Herrschers like Mei and Senti also connected to it? Or it deems them all traitors like it said about Welt? Will the Will of Honkai of PE be aware of where CE Herrschers came from? Will it try to subdue them? Or just kill? So many questions, so little answers! Endless possibilities!
Ok but if you ask me, I think Will of Honkai must consider Senti to be its finest creation. Like, it found a perfect body (in all senses), filled it with Honkai and made the two perfectly compatible. Not everything went right, but I don't think the Will would just give up on Senti like that.
Even if she's without Hua's body I think she'd be the perfect canvas for Honkai, and it won't pass a chance to use her, especially in PE. Which would make things so interesting!
Also, you don't need to be in denial if you just resurrect everyone. And also shove a self-insert OC in. Just because I can. Who's gonna stop me? They're all too weak!! Muahahahaha!!!!!!!!
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professorspork · 4 years ago
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Oscar for the characterization meme if you’re still doing that? your writing of his and em’s dynamic changed my life
Multiple people requested Oscar, which made me very happy! (did I pick this one to publish because it also had a nice compliment? maybe)
When I think about Oscar, both in terms of how to capture his voice in dialogue and how to think about his perspective and personality, the keyword really is SIMPLICITY. He’s a complex kid, of course-- they all are-- but Oscar is largely straightforward and plainspoken; he doesn't beat around the bush, he asks clarifying questions when he doesn't understand things, and he's always looking for the shortest line between two points. Whereas we sometimes see Yang and Ruby clash over practical vs optimistic, Oscar seems to successfully straddle the two viewpoints: to his mind, the fastest way to solve a problem is to give everyone what they want-- and if that means they all have to give up a little of what they want, as well, that’s the bargain. (And if that sounds a lot like what I said about Jaune-- yes! Where do you think they’ve been learning it from?)
As much as I’m like OSCAR IS GOOD BOY and also I LOVE MY SMOL BEAN, it’s worth deconstructing his veneer of Sweet Boy Here a little bit. It's not that Oscar's not kind and gentle, because he is those things, and it's not that he's not genuine, because he’s very much that too. And after Ozpin, those seem magnified! But I think the thing we're all really picking up on, that seems to amplify the rest, is that after having to deal with OZPIN, KING OF SECRETS, Oscar being forthright and candid and honest makes him seem like an absolute saint. Which-- of course Oscar is a good person, but I think a lot of people maybe miss just how mercenary his logic can be, because it's masked by the other stuff. 
Like, not to compare everything to Steven Universe, but. When Oscar's on the whale and he and Ozpin jinx on “Salem’s been sabotaging us from the inside out, maybe we should do the same,” the plan is not to love Hazel into submission and show him how to be a good person by example, like Steven and the Diamonds. It’s literally to do sabotage. That he’s able to pick up Emerald along the way is a wonderful bonus, but he wasn’t trying to win hearts-- he was trying to sway minds long enough to survive. What makes him OSCAR and not Ozpin (or Cinder, for that matter) is that he does it by telling the truth. It doesn’t feel manipulative when all he’s doing is saying facts, but that just shows how effective it can be as a tactic: taking Occam’s Razor and cutting someone with it. But the thing about dropping truth bombs is that they have collateral damage; Oscar was team “let’s just tell Ironwood the truth” from the start, and he ended up getting shot about it. Oscar’s commitment to sincerity (and, related, his truly next level ability to not hold grudges, which I guess is a coping strategy you have to make peace with when you’re permanent mental roommates with the ancient old man eating your soul and there’s nothing you can do about it) make him a really excellent negotiator and a very necessary position as the team’s moral conscience. But it doesn’t come cheap; there’s always a cost.
Oscar is also fiercely stubborn (“I don’t mind if I get the shit beat out of me, as long as I’m ME when it happens”) and understandably preoccupied with his own identity and sense of self; for all that he can break things down to their basic components for other people, there’s an awful lot of detours and logic loops he’s willing to take on his own behalf if it means avoiding a brain switch. But he’s not all that self-conscious, or worried about embarrassing himself-- he’s got bigger problems than that, and he knows it. It’s easy to be fearless when you’re living immersed in the constant existential dread of like. The slow motion body horror he’s living. 
but also... he’s a smol bean and my good boy and im luff him.
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nhinxsworld · 4 years ago
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Hello, I really enjoyed your piece about Gojou's kinks in your masterlist! I was wondering if you write for male reader? Maybe a third year that Gojou likes to punish and degrade in praticular and be possessive over? (Sentimental Gojou?? He's been teaching him since his first year) Reader isn't weak or innocent but he lets Gojou treat him the way he does because he doesn't have anyone else in his life and Gojou has him wrapped around his little finger? Take it wherever you like, I'm sorry if this is too fucked up x
Is this what you wnated Im not sure!!! But i liked the request anyways 🥰 was little confused about what to do about male reader since I myself am not male! but it was fun to try i hope I did you justice on this :)
reader has Inumakis curse!!!
Gojo Satoru x male reader
my list uwu
warnings: manipulation ; non-con/dub-con(?) ; just slight degradation ; yeah im not good at this probably a couple uncomfortable stuff usage of slut etc.
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Gojo Satoru loves all his students, he really does yet he still can't help himself but to pick favorites. They've all grown on him, but he can't seem to take his eyes of one specific student.
It doesn't take a genius to figure out who Gojos favorites are, it's easy to tell his favorite is his beloved third year.
Picking you up since you're only fifteen, Gojo had a liking the way you just seemed to always search for his validation. For you it has always been Gojo, Gojo, Gojo.
He has his pretty boy, by a leash and he decides how long it is.
The soccerer hums happily when he sees you in the classroom all alone, stepping inside he closes the room, causing you to look up at him.
"(Y/n)~" he calls almost too sweetly and puts his hand on the table pushing whatever you've been doing out of the way.
The rattling of paper, is heard. Before the paper could even land on the floor. He pulled down your mask to reveal your curse pattern, gripping you by your jaw "(Y/n)" he repeats and you look at him, eyes staring at his blindfold where his would usually be, yet you couldn't help yourself but trail from his blindfold to his rosy lips.
Just staring at him not able to say a word.
"Am I not your favorite?" he asks and you just stare at him. Why was he asking that, of course he is your favorite. Who else could it be?
Not allowing you to give him any kind of answer, he presses his tumb to your lips pushing at your bottom lip until, you bought out your tongue to lick and suck at his finger, making him smile.
"Haha of course I am your favorite. Who else would indulge such a dirty boy like you?" he chuckles as he spits in your face making you close your eyes instinctively. "Surely not Yuuta. Yuuta didn't pick you up when you needed someone the most now did he?"
Opening your eyes you shoke your head as Gojo just watches his spit run down your cheek like tears before he whipes it out in your face, his fingers lingering over your curse marks.
"That's right Sensei did." he reminds you once again, that it was him that took you in. It's him who made you, who you are and he can take it all away if he desires.
The older tugs at your shirt "Take everything off."
Starring at him for a moment you unbuttoned your uniform, that Gojo had chosen for you. Like many other choices, Gojo did them all for you.
Stripping of the shirt, taking off the shoes, slipping of the pants, your reached for you boxers too, taking everything of for the man before you. You're just so willing to listen to everything he says.
Pushing you down against the table he hums looking at your exposed body, the room feeling a couple degrees too cold now fully exposed, yet some other parts of your body are burning.
His large hands presses against a bruise on your side watching whince in pain and he just smiles "You see (Y/n), I have nothing against Yuuta. I like him, he is a precious student just like you."
Tracing over the bruise from your training session with the other pupils Gojo just laughs "But I have an issue, if you're getting hurt because of Yuuta."
Fingers digging into your bruise, until he hears you whine "because you're mine, this body is mine and I don't like my property getting damaged."
His, his body, his property, those words seems to spiral in your mind. His, his his, it's something you wished for. You remember clearly, the day you ran to him needing his comfort, his guidance, his touch.
Another laugh escapes his lips as he stares you down "Did my pathetic boys cock just twitch from me digging into his wounds?"
His grip gets even harsher "Or is it because this wound is caused by Yuuta? It's because of me right?"
You didn't answer him, it's none of those two options right? He had made you strip down in classroom, you're just anticipating for something else right? You're not getting off to him hurting you like this right?
A smirk spreads across his face "This bruised is caused by Sensei yeah?" he traces over it slowly as it has taken an even darker colour than before and you looked at him with scared eyes.
You weren't sure when it took a turn into this direction, from wanting to be with him, needing him as figure to guide you through the dark, to now depending your whole existence on him.
"You look so exited." he smiles as he traces careful lines under your eyes "Did you miss me?" he presses against the bruise soflty just to remind me you again of the aching pain "You can't live without my touch can you?"
You're terrified to feel this way, even more terrified the way your cock twitches from feeling like this.
He gives you a look of pity "I've told you, you're mine." Knocking against your head with his finger knuckle "Your dumb brain hasn't understood yet hmm? But your body has, and it's so honest."
"Don't you like it when Sensei talks down on you?" he questioned as he cups your face "I'd call you my pretty boy, but that doesn't make your little cock hard now does it?"
"It only does when I call you a pathetic slut, who is needy of my attention." his voice growls and to your confusion your body does react to those words, supporting his statements.
His hand gripped your throat with an amused yet somewhat judgemental face, he squeezes your neck just tiny bit, until he can hear you choke "You like this too don't you? When I'm mean, when I hurt you?"
It's hard to deny, to shake your head, wanting to tell him no, when you can't speak and you're body giving a completely diffrent answer. A harsh slap to your face, has you feeling it in your lower area.
"Haha~" he smiles "Pitifully cute aren't you?"
"You love sensei so much don't you? Your body grew accustomed to Sensei touching you the way he likes it hmm?" he askes you questions for questions knowing well you couldn't protest against him.
"Remember when you used to whimper around so cutely? When I used to praise you?" the older beams, reminiscing of older times "Sensei is your first hmm? He took such good care of you didn't he?"
"Such good care of you and your body." Gojo hums, pinching and twisting your nipples until they're hard "I had fun."
"It's so honest just for me now." The soccerer sounds proud of himself, proud to have taken such a pure boys first with love and care, just to slowly drift of that road.
Binding you to him with promises and words of love.
You felt a lash like feeling on your body, caused by his infinity "stop..." you choked out and he tilts his head to the side "Stop? You know that doesn't work on me dummy."
"When has it ever?" he laughs as he traces over your curse marks once again "Besides why would you want me to stop?"
"You like being bruised and hurt by me, no?" he continued and you want refuse, tell him no, but all you're able to do is shake you're head at him until he decides to hold your face still forcing you to nod.
"Don't lie to me." he pulls down his blindfold to reveal the sky blue eyes you've fallen in love with "You wanted me to do this, don't you remember?"
"You're such a good boy. I love you so much (Y/n). You're so perfect, I promise I'll be gentle, just tap me when I need to stop okay?"
-
"(Y/n), can we try something? Ill take it slow."
The first time you tapped against his skin, asking him to stop, with tears running down your cheeks and he stops to kissi your marks "Don't worry baby, haha see I stopped." Yet you failed to notice his cock just growing harder in his pants from the way you're crying.
-
Cries and taps, rapid taps against his shoulders, that turned into slaps, you're voice breaking from telling him to stop, an activation of your curse until he halts, blood running down your lips, you failed to notice how your curse didn't effect him "Awww no don't cry, it's okay, it's okay. I won't hit you anymore, if you don't like it. I love you, you don't have to do these things, because I like them. Don't worry about me, I give you what you need. You don't seem to like the things I do, maybe we should stop here."
-
The older had stopped touching you from there on just smiling and waving when sees you, no hugs, no kisses, no praise, nothing comes from him after what had happened making you feel guilty. This is you're fault isn't it?
Gojo always indulged in yours needs, why couldn't you indulge in his.
So the next time you see him you stopped him in his tracks, taking his hands in yours, already felling special as he had let you through his infinity. Bringing his hand to your face, you slapped yourself, and if you could see his eyes widen underneath his mask.
"Hmm? What's that for little one?"
Tugging your neck piece down you looked at him "Hurt me. Love me."
"Remember??" he looks psychotic "you wished for me to do this, I'm indulging in your fantasy. You've placed this curse on yourself, you placed this curse on us."
Gojo never leaves himself unprotected from your curse speech.
The soccerer never lets himself be vulnerable, specially not such technique as yours that is just so easy to block out. You can scream and hurt your pretty throat all you want, he won't be having any of that.
Gojo wraps his hands around yours and bought it up to his cheek slapping himself "Hurt me. Love me"
"That's what you did. I had nothing to do with that." he chuckles "You did that all on your own. I didn't force you, you wanted to be mine and I made you mine. You have to hold responsibility you know?"
Bringing you down to your knees infront of him unzipping his own pants "Don't strain yourself, you don't have to to say anything. Sensei knows, he always knows best for you hmm?"
Pumping his own cock a couple times he forced it into your mouth "Now be good boy."
Hands gripping onto his tight as he just fucks your mouth to his content, just so he can hear you choke and see you cry.
He just can't help himself when his pretty boy looks so lewd sucking him off, like it's the only thing you're made for.
"Hmmm, fuck. Might as well just be my full-time cocksleeve, if you like getting bruised and hurt so much, I'll just have to do it." he chuckled as you felt another lash like feeling against your skin making you moan.
"Awww, such a painslut aren't you?" he smirks as he looks down on you to admire his mess, his hand in your hair forcing down more than you can take "Come on slut, you've done this often enough."
A groan escapes his lips as he pulls you off him allowing you to breath "stop, please...." your voice broken and hoarse and just smiles "Didn't I tell you already not to strain yourself? You're so funny trying to pull these things on me."
No matter what you say, no matter what you do with Gojo it has no use, until it's something he wants himself.
"Or are you just that much of a plain slut? Needing to damage yourself as much as possible?" he asks as you felt the cold sole of his shoes pressed against your cock.
"Pathetically cute." he beams when he sees you're all hard and leaking, just from the way he talks to you and the sole of his shoes pressing against your lenght.
"Oh sensei loves you so much." he grins as he places a stinging slap to your face that stings and burns "And I show it through the pain I cause, I know you need this."
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the-blind-geisha · 2 years ago
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holy eff, that was 2 years ago? im so sorry, im absolutely unaware of the passage of time XD but yep! that's me! it wasn't very hard to find you tbh, i went to overlord tag one day and i found your art. this time i simply searched for demiurge and was pleasantly surprised that you changed your blog again (more like returned to your old one but yeah). don't worry tho, no need to hide from me! im a good anon, and a person you knew quite good (and also a person who, i think, triggered you once? with some depressing themes. im so deeply sorry for that) glad to hear you have everything under control now! but im more glad that you're enjoying yourself and grow the fandom. overlord is really amazing, both anime and light novel (that's it, if i ever decide to watch the new season or catch up with the novel). you did a very fine choice, dear, to get into it! (and, especially, to get into demiurge hehe) don't mention it truly! i've been wondering for a few weeks now how you're doing and all. and i'm really, really happy to see you're enjoying yourself and having fun.
I also wanted to say that, uh, i know how ac fandom treated you and please take no offence, but, i really appreciate that you didn't delete the responds to people's asks or the gifts that are ac themed. i know it wasn't an easy choice, and i really appreciate it. it sounds stupid but it means a lot as it brought some pleasant memories. so, yeah, thanks for that! <3 (also: your emmett is forever in our hearts) i hope you won't mind me being here from time to time (and not like, appearing after 2 years XD). you were always so lovely to talk to! you still are, of course, but yeah! lovely to talk to and you're lovely too! as always <3 - P
LOL to be fair, I think the pandemic really threw us all for a loop. X”D Heck, it being 2022 hasn't really come to my realization yet. I still keep thinking 2020 was just last year.
Haha, that is very fair. ♥ If you were able to hunt through the Demiurge tag, that is indeed where I kinda live now. ♥ Though I am working more and more on drifting my version of him out of the fandom and into my original works. But we'll see! I do love the character a lot!
Oof, I gotta be honest, anon. My memory got a bit scattered no thanks to anemia causing me a bit of brain fog/damage. So if you did anything that triggered me, it's quite alright. ♥ I've obviously gone past whatever may have happened now, and it is all water under the bridge as they say.
I adore Overlord, but my poor Albedo and Demiurge... I wish they were given more time to develop. ;~; They are my treasures next to Yuri Alpha. ♥ But I do hope you enjoy the new season! I love the animation has really been upped in quality! I'm still eagerly waiting for the movie!
Thank you! I have a lovely group of readers and friends who support me like yourself, and I appreciate every single one of them. I especially love the readers who have been with me since the AC days. The fact you guys will still follow me from one thing to the next is sweet, and I am always happy to see reoccurring names pop up now and again!
I will be honest, hon, in that I did delete a few things in my desire to heal away from the fandom years back, but not all of it is gone, no. ♥ The Fall is still on AO3, I just removed my name from it, and the Prostitute Series, while removed from AO3, is still on here too. I know those were the main stories people would have been upset to be removed from the net completely. I do still have the others on my hard drive (like certain love letters and The Dove Effect, Daddy Dearest, etc), but I just don't feel comfortable releasing them again to the public. Maybe one day. ♥
Aww, thank you! I actually did plan on bringing Emmett back into a Victorian setting but away from AC: S. ♥ I had a werewolf story in London kinda idea that I wanted him to be apart of, so he will return just—in a new way and away from Jacob being his dad. (He's gonna have an adopted dad/mentor instead.)
Awww, I adore when folks drop in to say hi every now and again! I still get people DMing me saying 'thank you for writing this super old fic from 2005' ever so often, and it's great! I hope people never think it's weird or annoying to talk to me about old times or just say hello. I promise, it's okay to do so. ♥
It's kind of why I never really ever change my name or at least, try not to. ♥ I want it to be easier for folks to find me.
It's always great to hear from you, anon! ♥
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crown-anon · 4 years ago
Text
@hearts1ck my beloved
November 1st
CW: explicit; more CWs under the cut
format: one-shot
people: GeorgeNotFound
pronouns: he/him; reader has male anatomy; more specifics under the cut
edited 14 March 2021
anonymous asked
consider. okay. CONSIDER. consider masochist george. okay?? okay. okay LISTEN.
I think I have a problem with gimmicks also. because. because. ever since strawberry milk george, I. I have not stopped thinking about strawberry flavored lube. because! listen okay hear me out.
(this is absolutely 110% a response to discovering that you share a birthday with him. what of it?)
I know everyone likes pillow princess george and. that's okay. that's FINE. these are not mutually exclusive.
george looking up at you with The LookTM wearing some pink strawberry milk lingerie. not even lingerie really! just something cute like that
& him being like. "I know you love me 👉👈 but I need you to fuck me like you don't"
so I was. thinking. that brat george is the exact kind of person to say (playfully & consensually) "but I don't wanna give you head, I just wanna fuck >:(" after you've got him worked up, maybe from teasing him throughout the day, or edging him a little. but you still need some type of lube. so you go to apply the first bottle you see and he's pink when he asks you "😳 is that ... strawberry ... ?" and you're confused like ??? bro you just asked me to fuck you into next week why're you interested in the flavored lube
but. but listen. he would get so enthusiastic about it. at first it's just "maybe I can stand to eat them out just a little bit before ..." and then after you come the first time it devolves really, really quickly into the need to just. take care of you. and it stretches on until you've come three or four times, and you're still shaking, and he's just. completely gone in subspace
hmm ... george climbing up onto your lap when he's done with you, going in to give you a kiss, and he tastes like strawberry. and he ends up moaning right into your mouth because he's been so horny but so? understimulated?? that he outright jumps as soon as his dick grazes your thigh. it would only take a couple stuttery grinds before he's finishing on both of your stomachs
and he's just so cute when comes, or when he bites down on your shoulder to keep himself quiet. and it's your birthdays. so, you decide you'll give him a reason to cry. and he'll finally get put in his place! it's a win-win for both of you!!
istg every time I send you an ask I discover something new about myself. you. you have made a dreamteam simp out of me. I am but a shell of the man I once was. I think I should thank you? [👑]
hearts1ck
i say this nearly every time you send stuff in but...... by god you own my soul. all of it. this – i – first of all, the implications of masochist george losing his fucking mind when you’re rough with him? guhhhfjklgjgf. and ,..d,,f,,, ,, ,, george in pink lingerie. i. i . a... pink satin slip maybe or .... ohghfd; oh my god those. that cat panty/bra set. im ascending im losing my brain as i type this i cannot –
okay im back on earth. he’d get into that rhythm and settle like liquid while he gets to work on you, and his subspace face is so self-satisfied and nearly smug so he’s just having the time of his life,,, and he makes such a loud noise when his dick twitches against your thigh and maybe... JUST MAYBE he whimpers extra watery when you drag his hips to grind against where you’re wet and dripping/your spent cock as if he’s the one who’d get overstimulated by it. when he finally leans away, eyelids heavy, you gently fit your hand over his jaw and ask, “did you even ask? it’s one thing to come without permission, but not even caring to ask? georgie, i might just be offended,” and he whines “green”s against your neck before you even check-in
and because u made it abt both of our birthdays ,,,, spanks for each year we’ve been alive methinks ??? and then the scratch down his ass gets him hard again and he’s so embarrassed by it, ,,, , ,, ,, ,, ,, ,
also thank god you’ve joined the george boat. i’m so proud of myself for hopefully being part of the reason you got dragged over here HJFKDHSKD
#👑 anon #(my beloved) #keep #anon thoughts: george #redsick #SHAWTY WANT THE WHOLE CREW SHAWTY BAD
as soon as you said birthday spanks I decided I had to write more about this. and I was going to leave more snippets in your askbox like the fucking gremlin creature I am, but then my thoughts started. actually having structure? and then I started writing it. and I tried to do homework and write on study breaks only but. I just kept coming back to this. this is the polar opposite of writer's block. I think I'm cursed or something. so here I am rushing to finish this so that I may rest in peace!!
yes I've been writing nonstop since I sent you that ask. what of it. what the fuck of it.
when I said I discover something new about myself every time we interact, I. I'm serious. I think I might be insane or something. I'm way too sadistic. you'll see. what the fuck is this? what the fuck did I just write??
this would have done so much critical psychic damage if I had posted it on November 1st in real life, but mental illness says I can't let my horny thoughts rattle around in my brain for that long. so!! it's you guys's problem now xoxoxo
I'm not fucking proofreading this. love you though 💗
I did end up proofreading actually. oops! looks like posting at 23:00 isn't always a good idea.
November 1st
CW: explicit, anal (kind of vague), bondage (collar + leash), corruption, domspace (I think??), edging, handjob, humiliation, masochism, oral, praise, sadism, spanking, subspace, swearing. I call George a whore and a slut at least once. and also, George calls yellow at one point. this one kind of surprised me so just. Be Careful. I cannot believe I wrote this. I don't know where this came from.
format: one-shot
people: GeorgeNotFound
pronouns: he/him; I use the word "sir;" reader has male anatomy; I use the words "cock," "dick," and "head;" reader can ejaculate
dawn shines through drawn curtains, illuminating the tile floor and your robed figure reflecting off it. batter sizzles in the skillet as you flip the last pancake over. this side looks golden brown, like honeycomb or caramelized sugar. that delicious, freshly-baked fragrance mingles with scented candles. it's perfect, you smile. he's going to love it.
you lift the pancake with a spatula, stacking it on top of the others on his plate. you bring it to his seat at the table, along with the butter, the syrup, the honey, the jam…and you go to pour him a drink.
"hey baby," you greet warmly to the sleepyhead rubbing his eyes in the entryway, still clinging to a pillow. his hair's a mess, only wearing socks and a sweatshirt that reaches down past his thighs. you reckon he'd only just crawled out of bed.
"morning…" he yawns, stumbling past you to take his seat.
"milk?" you ask, he only nods. "did you sleep okay?"
he hums affirmatively. "I…can we…"
one track mind, you joke inwardly. but you don't blame him. "of course," you open the fridge.
you hear him pause. "…is it too early for that?"
"no, no!" you give him a lighthearted laugh. "I kind of expected it, to be honest…I want it, too."
he's silent under the noise of you rummaging through the fridge. "I—"
"sorry—it looks like all we have is strawberry milk. is that alright?"
"yeah…yeah, that's alright. I…actually…wanted to try something new." you shut the fridge, he's fidgeting in his seat.
"hit me with it," your expression is gentle. you pass his cup off to him, but he holds his hand over yours a little too long, looking up at you.
"fuck me like you hate me."
you don't know if it's hearing him swear, or the way he said it so calmly, or how he closed his eyes and swallowed hard before his tone could dip down into something lower. but like a match in an torrent of gasoline, suddenly you're burning up.
you only realize you're staring when he bites his lip and looks down. you start to say something, but the words don't form.
he laughs nonthreateningly, covering his mouth with the back of his hand. "is that a yes?"
you laugh with him. "I…yes, absolutely yes." you turn back around to make your own stack of pancakes. "you should eat first, though."
"what?" he teases. "will I need the energy?"
you smile. "yeah. I think you will." you can practically feel him open his mouth in protest, but he stays silent after that.
and it stays mostly silent while you cook your pancakes. you hear the clinking of his fork on his plate, but it isn't very disruptive. it sounds like he's hurrying to finish his food.
when you go back to the table with your own platter, he's already done eating. he's red down to his neck, fidgeting with the hem of his sweatshirt, looking at you expectantly. you spot a pair of tassels peeking out from under it, just below his hip bones. is that…
he pulls the hem up just a bit, holding your gaze. he smiles, apparently satisfied watching your face heat up.
"I—you should go…go get ready," you manage. he gets up before you even finish your sentence, only stopping to give you a quick kiss on the cheek.
except it isn't quick, when he slides his hand down to rest firmly on your collar, and leans in to trail kisses down your neck. "a-and leave that on," you stutter.
he pauses, just under your jaw. "leave what on?" he murmurs.
your breath catches, you shut your eyes. "whatever the fuck it is you're wearing under there."
he's hardly grazing your skin, but you can feel how hot he is next to you. it takes all of your willpower not to shiver.
he pulls back quickly, only his hand lingering. "I don't know what you're talking about." and just like that, he disappears into your bedroom.
you reach up a hand tentatively to your collar, hot to the touch. I'm in way too deep, you decide, and force yourself to take a bite of your food despite your nerves.
"that," you hiss. "that fucking outfit. that."
"oh, this?" he bites his lip, hooking his thumb in the keyhole. "this's just what I went to bed in last night."
"fuck you. we both know that isn't true."
he tugs gently on his top, pulling it a little to the side. "what's the big deal? can't I wear something special for my birthday?"
"it's special, all right," and you leave it at that, opting instead to slot between his legs where he sits waiting on the edge of the bed. you bring up a hand to cup his jaw, brushing your thumb across his cheek. you'll never get enough of the way he looks at you, like you're intoxicating.
…? you frown.
"is something…missing?" he perks up instantly at "missing."
"what…?" he chooses his words carefully.
"the collar—your collar. where is it?" you turn away to start going through your bedside table, but the way his lips quirk up into a sly smile isn't lost on you.
that's lube…that's a vibrator…where the fuck is it…? "w-what collar?" he stumbles over his words.
your mind jumps to say, the collar that came with that outfit, or I know you know what I'm talking about, but you won't give him the satisfaction. you decide to speak a little darker, only a firm "George." you hear him swallow.
"w-well," his voice is shaky, "you only told me to leave on whatever I was wearing under my shirt. and…I wasn't wearing that collar at breakfast…s-so technically…"
you stop looking immediately. you turn to take him in, legs crossed, stance confident, but expression showing uncertainty. you can see the regret on his face. "get up." he takes a shallow breath. "get up."
"I'm—"
"don't I'm sorry me," you snap. "you look for your fucking collar on your own."
he slips off the bed, looking ashamed, but starts digging through the drawer all the same. "I really am sorry," he murmurs. you take his place sitting on the bed. he finds what he's looking for rather quickly: a simple white leather collar with a bell, and a leash. he hands them off to you shyly. "um, here…"
"good boy," you praise. "kneel."
he shuts his eyes and does as he's told. you can see the bliss wash over his face just at being ordered around. his lips part a little as he lets out a heavy breath. if only I knew what this would do to him, you muse, I'd have done this ages ago.
you fasten the collar, revelling in how he shivers at the gentle sensation of cold leather hanging around his neck. you leave it a little bit loose, but still comfortable, and hook the leash in its place. he sits obediently still on his knees, looking deep in thought.
"Oh, I know what I'm gonna do to you," you bait. "how old are you today?"
"mmm. twenty-five." he looks down.
you smile, holding tight onto the leash. "I'm gonna edge you. twenty-five times."
he flinches away immediately, yet hums in pleasant surprise when the leash snaps taught. the bell jingles stiffly. "no way. that's way too much."
"I think you should've thought about that before you wore that to breakfast," you decide, tugging a little. he's caught off-guard and stumbles forward, stopping himself by leaving a clumsy pair of kisses on the inside of your thigh. the metal and leather feel refreshingly cool against your feverish skin. "we've got all day, baby."
you expect to hear some kind of protest, you're crazy. or a playful taunt, I'm better off doing this by myself. but he knits his brows and openly moans at the thought. "all day…" he repeats.
he looks up at you, almost pleading, and you can hear the resignation in his voice when he whispers "alright."
"get up here," you command. "on top of me." as he climbs up into your lap, a little too eagerly, you add, "and take your dick out."
you shrug your robe off your shoulders while he's working on his panties, and without thinking, you ask, "color?"
he stops, leaving his head poking cutely over the waistband. he looks up at you again. "…what?"
"um…color," you explain. "like, how are you doing? is this okay? I don't actually want to hurt you. uhhh…green means good, yellow means slow down, and red means stop."
he stifles a laugh. "you're such a nerd. I'm okay."
"alright." you blush a little. "we can stop whenever you need to. this is for you…" you think of something horribly unsexy to say. "…birthday boy."
now he's really laughing, with his whole body. you think the way it makes his collar jingle is cute. "oh my god. shut up. just shut up," his expression turns serious, and he drops to a whisper, "and fuck me."
that got you hot again. you pull him by the leash into a kiss, you bite his lip, you eat him up. and you grab the both of you together with your other hand, you moan in tandem. you can feel how you took him by surprise in the way he twitches under your thumb, the way he leans into you with his whole body. you part from the kiss and he leans back on his heels, panting hard, holding on to your shoulders for support. you can feel him shaking a little.
when you move your hand all the way up the first time, you squeeze both of your heads gently, and he practically falls into you. muffled in the crook of your neck, he begs, "god, do that again."
so you do. again. and again. what was a string of stuttered breaths turns into a single broken moan as you jerk the both of you off. when you think you're getting close, you let go of yourself to focus all your attention on him.
"fuck, sir," he whines—hahaha, that sir made your cock leak a little. he shut his eyes tight. "I-I-I think—I think I'm—"
just like that, you stop, and he goes slack, practically laying on you. but he doesn't grind back, or even move to touch himself. that won't last very long.
you let him come back down, knowing edging takes a lot out of you; maybe even more so than actually coming does. slowly but surely, his breathing steadies. you rub between his shoulderblades affectionately, still trying to ground yourself, too.
once you've found your voice again, you question, "are you gonna count for me?"
he makes a sound against your skin, somewhere between excitement and fear. "…o-one." you revel in how fucked-out he sounds already.
"one what?" you prod.
he seems at a loss, like he's forgotten himself, what he said. after a minute or two of pondering, he catches on. "…sir."
it's your turn to moan. your dick jumps at the honorific, still mostly untouched against your stomach. "good boy." and you dive back in. twenty-four to go.
it's noon. you're working on nineteen. and your partner's getting much more…expressive. he's started biting his hand to keep himself quiet, but he's still…
"I-I—oh fuck, I'm—fuck, I-I'm—I'm—" he whimpers through his teeth. and he yelps, whole body shaking, bell jingling incessantly, when he comes all over your hand and stomach.
you take your hand off him immediately, and this time he does try to reach down, ride through it, but you grab both his wrists to stop him. he grinds down uselessly against your thigh and your dick. although you're still hard, and only a hairline trigger away from coming yourself, it doesn't stop you from keeping this brat in line. you only bite your lip and close your eyes.
he leans his forehead against yours, moving in to give you a kiss, but you push him away.
"did you never learn how to fucking count?" you growl.
he winces. "I-I-I-I'm…I'm sorry—"
you scowl at your hand, covered in come. "here, slut," you raise it up to his lips. "clean this off for me."
he tears up a little, but takes your fingers into his mouth all the same. pretty quickly, though, he spits them back out.
"it doesn't taste good…" he complains.
"oh? oh, it doesn't?" you mock. "but it felt good, when you came without my permission, like a cheap fucking whore."
a couple of tears spill over, roll down his cheeks, yet he says nothing, only moving back in to lap his come off your hand. you can see it in his expression that he's not very happy about it, but he doesn't protest further.
"is this good enough, sir?" he asks, when it seems that he's gotten it all. it looks clean enough, you agree. you grab him by the chin, hooking your thumb in his mouth. you don't even have to tell him to suck.
"you come without my approval again, and it's over. you can go back to playing minecraft—or what-the-fuck-ever—with your friends for your birthday. do you want to sleep on the couch, Georgie?"
if he wasn't crying before, he's definitely crying now. he doesn't shake his head, but he circles your fingertip with his tongue enthusiastically, as if to say, I'll be good, I'll be good this time, looking up at you doe-eyed.
"bend over for me," you demand. "across my lap."
he does so immediately. he slips a little bit while he's changing positions, you hear the bell ring, and he scrambles to correct himself. he settles with his ankles crossed and his head in his hands, propping himself up on his elbows. you feel a little bad, you admit, but you won't budge; he has a safeword, you trust that he'll use it.
"let's try that again," your tone softens. "I want you to count for me, okay?"
he nods.
you pull his panties to the side, pause briefly, and bring down your hand with a satisfying smack.
"ohhhhhh—" he moans, jolting a little. "—holy shit, did you just spank me?"
your stomach drops, you go to rub him gently where you just hit him. "is that okay—?"
"it's hot, it's so hot, fuck," he shifts in your lap. "um, sorry…one."
seriously, something about hearing him swear awakens something in you, every time. you're fired up. you spank him again.
"mmm—two…" is he…? "three…"
you pause to massage his ass again, and to speak. "you're…you're hard again, aren't you?"
you didn't even spank him yet, but he lets out a moan. "fuck, I—I just. I want you. I want this. so, so much."
you wonder if this is actually the same George who was fidgeting with his pillow in the dining room this morning.
"you're so bad, getting turned on by something like this," you tease. he only moans in response.
"four—five—six—seven…" he chokes out. "it's starting to sting…"
you take a break, kneading the skin where your angry red handprint is starting to take shape.
"eight…nine…but god, it hurts so good…" he wipes his eyes with the back of his hand. "ten…"
at ten, you linger for a moment, holding a handful of his ass. "does it?"
"yes—yesyesyes," he buries his face in the pillow, and shivers. "fuck, eleven…twelve…"
you pull his panties down to his knees, and switch sides. he lifts his hips up, so I can reach him better, you guess. you don't miss the telltale glint of a butt plug, but you'll get to that later.
"thirteen—fourteen—fifteen—sixteen," he moans between slaps. he's gripping the pillowcase so hard his knuckles are white.
in this new position, the way he jumps with every hit makes his cock brush against yours just right. fuck, you're still hard from earlier. this time you're the one who whimpers.
"seventeen, eighteen," he pauses, breathless. you pull gently on his leash, he arches his back and moans, "n-nineteen." his bell jingles.
he grinds down, just for a moment, and the friction is delicious. you're a little dizzy, you think you might've thrust back. you both sigh at the feeling.
"…t-twenty…see? I-I can count…I'm a good boy…I'm good for you…aren't I?"
"you are," you murmur, but you aren't sure he hears you. "you're so good…"
"twenty-one—twenty-two…I-I feel like I haven't done anything right today…twenty-three…"
"…George…?" you hear a muffled sob.
"twenty-four…" he mumbles.
"George?" you start to get concerned. he just keeps crying. "hey…" you whisper. you gently prompt him to turn him over; the pillow's a little wet. you pull the panties off all the way, and get him out of the bra, which had a little stray come on it. you help him sit up in your lap, and pull him into a hug.
"am I really just a whore…?" he asks brokenly.
"you've been so good for me, baby. you've done everything I've asked." you wipe his tears away with your thumb. "are you okay?"
"but I—" he coughs. "—I came too soon, I came without your permission…"
you kiss his hair, and hold him to your chest. "you've been so patient. I'm proud of you."
he finally wraps his arms around you. "I-I'm sorry."
"nonsense," you reassure. "your comfort takes priority. are you okay? color?"
"I…" he searches for the words. "I dunno. yellow? I…that hurt, I think. being…degraded?"
you comb through his hair with your fingers. "I understand. thank you for telling me. I love you."
you stay like that for a minute. you grab him a snack and a drink, but for the most part, you just enjoy each other's company, tangled-up together. you don't bother putting your clothes back on.
it's later in the evening. you're straddling him, peppering his shoulders with kisses, and he's giggling underneath you. he turns over to give you a short and sweet kiss.
"baby?" he says, looking expectantly.
"what is it?" you sit back on your heels.
he hesitates. "…I wanna keep going. from earlier."
you're serious again. "are you sure you're okay?" you grab his hand, bringing it up to kiss his fingertips. "I don't want to hurt you."
"I'm alright," he assures. "I remember you promising me an all-day thing, though."
you blush, a little surprised by his forwardness. "of course. I think…I…" you laugh. "I wanna fuck you."
"yeah?" he smiles, leaning up close. "show me how much."
you hold his jaw while you kiss him, biting his bottom lip between your teeth. he tastes like the coffee and cream you made him earlier. you feel his breath hitch. he reaches up to hold your shoulders.
you pull back. "hey, blow me first."
"what? why?" he giggled.
"it's been a couple hours, I'm not hard anymore," you coax. "I thought you liked taking orders?"
he cringed. "but come tastes gross!"
you slid off him and hopped off the bed, opening the drawer. "suit yourself. you get to watch me jack off, then."
"fine by me, I think you look good when you masturbate."
"ohhh, I forget, you're too blissed-out to pay attention to how I look when you're getting fucking owned."
"I am not!"
"you are too!" he sticks his tongue out at you.
you open the lid, pouring a little on your hand, a little on your cock. it's translucent pink, seems a little fragrant. you give yourself a couple of strokes with a sigh.
he's quiet for a second, then, shyly, "um…is that…strawberry flavored…?"
you bite your lip. "I thought you weren't gonna give me head?"
"I was just curious." it's a weak lie, but you say nothing.
your eyes are shut, but you can feel him moving around a bit on the bed, you hear his bell ring a couple times. you feel a hand on your thigh, so you decide to peek. and holy shit.
your partner's made his way to the floor, on his knees between your legs, holding his leash in his mouth, his fucking mouth, what the fuck. his thumb's rubbing circles on the inside of your thigh. the half-lidded look he's giving you should be criminal.
"you—I thought you said you wouldn't…" you can't find the words. you reach out and take the leash from his mouth. you see your hand shake in front of you.
"I'm just watching…" he whispers, looking up at you, mesmerized.
you're only able to get a couple of pumps in before he's joining you, hand over yours as you get yourself off. just the extra sensation of somebody else's touch is enough to make you bite back a moan.
"fuck—!" you jolt when he licks a stripe up the underside. he mouths over the head, jerking you off on his own now. you move to grip the sheets in one hand, his leash in the other. and you come without warning. you see it end up on his hand and your stomach before you shut your eyes tight.
he's quiet while you're coming down, just helping you ride it out, giving you kisses on your thighs. when you look back down at him, he's got two of his fingertips in his mouth, licking them clean. he stands up abruptly, it startles you a little. you see his bell ring. and he grabs you by the hips and leans down to your midriff.
"…I don't think I cleaned you off all the way earlier…" he breathes, and he starts to lap up the mess of his and your come that's been on you since this afternoon.
what the fuck. why is this so hot? why is he so hot? all too soon, your spent cock twitches in interest at your lover. he cups it with a hand, smiling against your tummy. you're so sensitive it hurts. you think you mean to say something, but nothing comes out.
"hmm…?" he bites his lip. "you still want some more?" all you can do is whine. at this point, you don't know if it's in protest or invitation.
you don't get the chance to find out either, because fuck, he's really going down on you now. you don't know what the fuck he's doing with his tongue, or where his gag reflex went, but at this rate you're gonna come again.
"George—George, baby, I—slow down, I-I'm—" you plead. his leash slips out of your hand, you tip your head back.
he swallows.
the last thing you remember is coming harder than you ever have in your life. you think you held him by his hair. you might've fucked his mouth a little. he's never let you come in his mouth before…fuck…
it's nighttime now. he's riding your thigh, got one of his legs slotted between yours. the friction between his knee and your overstimulated cock feels embarrassingly good. you're so dizzy, all you can articulate is a loud moan. you don't sound at all like you remember. his bell keeps ringing and ringing and ringing as he grinds against you.
he leans down, one arm holding your hip, the other keeping himself propped up. he bites your shoulder, hard, hard enough to bruise. he comes on both of your stomachs.
"George," you beg. you're losing your voice.
"mmmmmmsir," he slurs. "fuck me."
"George, I…" you don't know what you're saying. the end of your sentence turns into a whimper.
"you need me to get you hard again? you need me to rile you up?" he turns to kiss your jaw, feeling around for your dick. "like this?"
"George," you sound urgent, until he squeezes right around the head, and you forget what you were saying. you're pretty fucking close to forgetting who you are entirely.
he sits up on top of you, grinning. "love the way you say my name, sir."
that name. all it takes is the way he says that fucking name and you're ready to go again. you flip the two of you over, so that you're towering over him instead. "you still didn't. fucking. ask me. if you could come."
he giggles, a little crazed. he hooks his arms around his knees, hugging them to his chest.. "so what? so what? you gonna fuck me 'till I behave?"
"yes," you reach down, "I think I will." and you pull out the butt plug he (probably forgot he) had in all day.
"fuck—" he sobs. you watch his dick bob. precome drips into a pool on his stomach. "—green—green—so fucking green."
you're still sensitive from coming twice—you're pretty sure he is too. you lean down to give him a kiss, you moan into each other's mouths. he tastes like strawberries and his and your come. it is a little gross, you admit. but he's so tight and so fucking cute that you can't bring yourself to care. you part, and there's a line of salvia connecting the two of you.
"wait—" you say, but it comes out like a growl. "roll over."
he gets on his hands and knees, reaching back and spreading himself open for you. fuck.
you fuck him like that, holding the leash tight, loving the way he arches his back into the bed. the bell on his collar jingles incessantly.
you spank him, one last time.
"th-that's twenty-f-five—oh, fuck, sir," he growls, clinging on to the blankets for dear life.
you pin one of his hands in place and reach down to touch him. he starts laughing again.
"mmmmmmay I please come, sir? I—fuck—I'm so close, soclosesoclose," his breath stutters, you can hear the breaks in his voice. he buries his face in the blankets.
I'm close, you think, but the words don't make it out. "you're so good—you're so fucking good—come for me—fuck, come for me."
you're a mess. there's some drying solution of come and lube on your stomach. not to mention whatever the fuck's going on with your hair. your robe is discarded haphazardly on the floor. you think you've got a hickey, but you can't remember where.
actually, you're both a mess. he's also covered in come, sweat, and lube. he's got a red ring around his neck where you pulled him by the leash a little too hard. he's just covered in bruises. he clings to your arm, still fast asleep. you both passed out pretty quickly after…whatever that was, but you got back up a couple hours later. it doesn't look like he did, though.
actually, your whole bedroom is a mess. a blanket or two ended up discarded on the floor. there's an empty bottle of edible lube somewhere around here. your kitty lingerie set, still dirty, somehow ended up hanging in the closet. the first time you woke up you were both cuddling with a butt plug that you misplaced in the heat of the moment.
you don't think you've ever seen him like that. you can't even put it into words. you've never spanked him. he's never called you sir. you've never come in his mouth. he's never…begged for you like that before. you've never been so exhausted after coming that you both just, just fainted.
you feel lightheaded, and dead tired. you know you both must have gotten back up and gone at it at least a couple more times, but it's blurry, you can't remember. all you know is your vibrator's missing, and you feel…unusually empty, like you do the morning-after getting railed a little too hard.
last night…what the fuck happened last night?
you contemplate getting up, slipping your arm out of his embrace, pulling the covers back up around him, leaving to make breakfast. you're kind of disgusting, several hours after sex without cleaning up properly. you want to get yourselves some washcloths, maybe take shower together, or run him a bath. you know he's gotta be way more sore than you are.
you catch yourself staring, lost in thought; he just looks too cute when he's very clearly roughed up, but still sleeping soundly. and with the way he wanted…the way he needed you yesterday, you don't think he would want to wake up alone.
maybe it's okay if we sleep in a little longer.
you stroke his hair and whisper, "happy birthday, baby boy."
edited 14 March 2021
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shinraapologist · 2 years ago
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light novel reread, vol. 2 ch. 5: right to the points
a lot of characters get a lot of good development and fleshing out in this chapter (this is also the chapter that has homophobic kadota in it. i chose to leave that part out tho lmao)
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i feel like this chapter gives anri way more characterization than her introduction in volume one does, and honestly theres about as much personality for anri in this chapter alone than there is in the entire anime. so much of her processing and impact in the story and as a character is internal, and it just isnt something that translates well to a visual medium (or at least not something that translated well this time). the first time i watched through the anime i liked her enough, but she doesn't get as much development or onscreen action as some of the other characters enough for me to really grow attached to her, and the first time i read through the novels i don't think i really paused to appreciate the extra details and differences like i am this time. i think i'm going to end up liking her a lot more as we get further into the series.
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like. this is my daughter. sorry
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THEYRE! BEST! FRIENDS! YOUR! HONOR!
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kadota's fucking brutal and i love him and ill never forgive narita for making him homophobic like. please look me in the eyes and tell me theres a cishet person in the van right now.
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kadota: cmon. she's gonna get kidnapped by someone in a creeper van. saburo, lets follow her in our creeper van.
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saburo's willing to risk not only the criminal record but the damage to his car to run some rando over to save anri (at this point in time, another rando) and i love him for that.
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im a big fan of the way narita can write serious scenes and arcs while still maintaining a humorous narrative voice, its something he does very well in this chapter. ive mentioned before that his style is a big inspiration for my own writing (possibly cringe), and this is one of the aspects i hope to master for myself.
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shes such a badass for this but then the next thought she has is how she thinks shinra would be upset to hear she called someone a piece of shit. as if shinra wouldnt wholeheartedly support literally anything celty does. as if he wouldnt try to be horny about it. come on girl use your brain
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side tangent about their friendship: i think its incredibly beneficial to celty to have someone in her life who's accepting of her otherness without being obsessed with it or otherwise fetishizing it (sorry shinra). shizuo just takes her as she is; he couldnt give a fuck about her gender, her head or lack thereof, or much of anything else. he just likes her because she's not annoying and she understands him and shes a good listener. from shizuos perspective, it has to be equally beneficial to have someone else in his life that society sees as a "monster" and see celty living her semblance of a normal life with a partner and a steady job and a solid group of friends, as well as having someone in his life that's physically strong enough to not be harmed by him. shizuo and celty share some casual touch both in the anime in the novels, he claps her on the back a few times and interacts with her otherwise in ways he might be afraid to be close to someone else. theyre great for each other and they love each other so much and im going to slowly build a shizucelty army to go with my shincelty army to ultimately create a shizushincelty empire. thanks for coming to my ted talk.
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here's haruna's introduction, i dont really have much to say about it to be honest. i like haruna in a very indifferent way. the rest of the chapter goes back and forth every few paragraphs between anri and haruna's conversation at anri's apartment to shinra and celty's conversation about saika and the kitchen knife back at their own apartment. its not the first instance of this kind of bouncing perspective, but it's becoming more frequent as the story is picking up and narita is becoming more comfortable writing the story/characters.
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