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The Bad Sandwiches
This story contains: multiple sick characters, with descriptive belly rumbles, scat and diarrhea!!!
Sci-fi setting: In a world where humans and robots are at war with each other, during a rare moment of armistice, two unfortunate guys end up with a bout of food poisoning. Fortunately, their commander is there to take care of them.
(FYI I'm terrible at names so...)
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On a normal, sunny afternoon, lieutenants Fleck and Hade were having lunch at the canteen, partaking in their favorite activity: talking crap about their unit's new commander, Spree.
It was ridiculous that the higher ups thought she'd make a better commander than either one of them. Spree was more book smart than street smart, and she was always coming up with new strategies and training regiments.
"She's not right in the head," Hade said, getting up from the table. "There's an efficient way to hold your blaster, and there's a hundred ways to do so inefficiently," he mimicked her in a high pitched voice.
"The old commander never cared how we shot, as long as we hit out targets," complained Fleck. "Whatever, let's got train on our own for a while, yeah?"
"Sure, man."
Throwing out their trash and leaving thier trays behind, the two made their way to holo-room 4 to start on some light training.
They'd been fighting holo-bots for about an hour, sweating and already growing a bit tired, when Fleck started noticing an uncomfortable pressure building in his stomach. Glancing at Hade, who was still going, he shrugged it off and decided to push through it. Unbeknownst to Fleck, Hade was beginning to feel something too; his insides were rather tender and were twinging in pain with the slightest movements.
They finished the round and Hade paused the session.
"I need some water," he said.
Fleck nodded, needing the break just as much. He wiped his sweaty hair out of his face, and winced as a cramp raced down his abdomen. Hade was getting a drink at the water fountain, so Fleck allowed a soft pfff to escape him, trying to ease the pressure.
Hade bent over the water fountain, really hoping the cool water would sooth his stomach. Unfortunately, bending put more pressure on his gut than he intended.
Phwaaarghhhhh. It moaned like a whale and Hade flinched. He wiped his mouth and straightened back up.
Just then, the door to holo-room 4 opened.
Fleck and Hade looked up, and Commander Spree stared back at them.
"There you are," Spree said coolly, crossing her arms. "Have you been down to the canteen yet?"
"What's it to you?" Fleck snapped. "Gonna regulate what we eat now too?"
Spree raised an eyebrow. "Control's reported a situation. Did you stop at the canteen or not?"
Fleck glared at her, his aching stomach emboldening him. "What's it matter if we did or didn't? What's the situation? Is there an attack, was there a breach?"
"More of a human error," Spree said. "Answer the question, lieutenant."
"What? So it's a matter of rank?" Fleck sneered. "We're not high enough to know what's-" he took a breath, a cramp rolling through him "-what's going on?"
Spree narrowed her eyes. She crossed the room towards him, opening her mouth to no doubt berate him, when all of a sudden, she was interrupted by a noisy fart.
As it turned out, while Fleck had been arguing with Spree, Hade was having a bit of a predicament. He'd placed his hands on his stomach, surprised to find it protruding in a tight bloat. He could feel his belly bubbling against his hands.
Grrrrrrrrrrrr.
Hade's stomach quaked warningly. He gasped and clenched his butt. But it was so no avail, his cheeks were split open with a booming, dry fart.
BRRRRRRRAAPPPPPP~
Spree and Fleck looked at him. Hade's ears turned pink from embarrassment, but he didn't have time to dwell, because he wasn't done. His next string of farts spluttered out painful and wet.
Phllllbrrrrrrrtttttttttt. Krpppppppluttttttttt. Phbraaaap-braapppp. Grrrrll. Poooot.
Hade held his stomach, his legs weak and shaky. His breath came quick and hard, his stomach aching and burning.
Spree sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. "As I was saying, Control reported a situation. The tuna sandwiches served at the canteen today were expired. A few people have turned up sick at the med-bay. Did both of you eat the sandwich, or just Hade?"
Gwwwwlp. The wet, upset gurgle from Fleck's own stomach answered her question for him.
"Do you need to use the bathroom before I escort you to the med-bay?" Spree asked them.
"Yes," Hade whimpered, clutching onto the side of the water fountain for support.
"I'm fine," Fleck snarled, crossing his arms.
"Suit yourself, then."
Spree walked over to Hade, supporting him the few steps to the bathroom behind him. Hade stumbled into the first stall, desperately pulling his belt loose and dropping his pants.
The moment his butt touched the porcelain bowl, a wet fart exploded from him, carrying a stream of liquid diarrhea out with it. Hade whimpered, tears pricking in his eyes. His gut was so tight and tender he couldn't do more than let spurts of mushy poo shot out from his sore butthole. Except something was getting stuck, and he needed to push, but he was in too much pain.
Gasping, and choking on a sob, he tried rubbing his belly to move things along; but he couldn't even fart anymore.
He heard a sigh, and Spree was in front of him, roughly feeling his forehead. Hade gasped for air. His breathing suddenly eased out when a new hand gently ran up and down his stomach.
Grrwwwwullllll. His tummy yawned thankfully, and his lower belly unclenched what it'd been holding back. A log pocked out of his hole, slowly working its way out with a mix of dry and wet prrts.
Outside the bathroom, Fleck stood massaging his abdomen. Alone, he let his face turn red, twisting in discomfort as he forced out little chirping farts. His churning stomach wasn't feeling any better. He thought releasing some gas would make the building pressure ease up some, though so far, it did not good.
Fleck felt bad for Hade, who'd thoroughly embarrassed himself in front of their straight-laced commander, and was sorry he was so sick. Fleck didn't think he needed to take a dump that desperately, yet, but the noises from the bathroom were starting to make his own stomach burble sympathetically.
A cramp stabbed his bellybutton, and he opened his cheeks to let out another fart.
KSHHHprrrrrrrrrtt-toot~
Only, what he'd expected to be another dry peep, came out instead as a sickly shart.
Fleck broke into a cold sweat. He made a b-line for the bathroom, holding onto his bottom like his life depended on it.
Inside, Hade, who's own pain was easing up as his log inched it's way out, saw a flash of Fleck as he raced to the next stall. Bubbly farts followed him, along with a string of breathless curses.
Fart after fart rocketed out of him, his belly crying for sweet relief. Making it into the stall, his fingers trembled on his belt buckled as he fumbled to unclasp it.
Braap. Braap. BRRRAAAP.
He kept farting consecutively until finally, finally Fleck managed to drop his pants and collapse onto the waiting toilet. He farted. And farted. But nothing but a few little mushy sharts came out.
Fleck tried pushing on his taught, bloated stomach. His guts boiled with fury at his harsh treatment.
PSHHHHHHPRRTTTTBRRRRRRR.
His booming fart echoed in the toilet bowl.
In the next stall, Hade winced sympathetically, listening to his friend's persistent farting. His log tapered off and he let out a sigh of relief. His poor gut was still hurting, but he was done pooping for the moment.
Spree handed him a wad of toilet paper.
"Thanks," Hade mumbled weakly. "I think I'll be all right to go to the med-bay after, y'know..."
He nodded towards Fleck's stall, where he'd started panting and grunting in an attempt to move things along.
"He's gonna be here all day at this rate," Spree said, shaking her head before walking out of Hade's stall and into the next.
Fleck glared at her when she took a step towards him, and she raised her hands in surrender, leaning against the stall's frame. Fleck's pants pooled around his ankles, the skid mark on the inside of his underwear visible.
A cramp rolled like thunder through him, and he bent over to fart again.
PshhhBRRRRRRTTTTT~
It started as a hiss, quickly becoming another boom. Fleck's face turned red as he strained, bending forwards, hugging his knees. His belly couldn't take being squished so hard.
The head of log snaked out of him. Fleck pushed. And a short log slid out into the bowl. He panted with relief, leaning back. He almost wanted to laugh at how over dramatic his body had been acting. After all that effort, the only thing he'd expelled was-
Another sharp cramp pierced his bellybutton; like an extra long, hot needle.
And in an instant, his cheeks were parting. Fleck held his breath. It felt like lava running out of his bottom. Clumpy and slushy, burning his butthole on the way out.
Over the sound of his diarrhea, he could hear Spree saying something to Hade. He heard her leave, foot steps fading. For a few minutes, Fleck held back tears, resigning himself to his twisting guts.
Kshhhrrrt~ Bllllrrrrrp ~ Phhhwwwwggggg. The chunky streams continued.
Then, all of a sudden, Fleck registered a hand combing through his hair. Exhausted, he fell forward, and an arm was holding him, the hand moving down to rub circles along his back. His stomach burbled and he whimpered.
Spree readjusted him and knelt down. Softly, she rubbed his sore, fussy tummy, until the last of his bout trickled to a stop.
She stood back up, offering him something. Fleck looked up to find Spree was handing him a pack of wet wipes. Embarrassed, he took them from her, thankful she left the stall while he cleaned himself.
A bit gingerly, Fleck put his pants back on. He joined the others in front of the sink and washed his hands.
Spree walked them down to the med-bay, keeping watch while the nurse asked about their symptoms and pain. Hade's stomach was achy and Fleck's still a bit bubbly, but it seemed the worst of it was over.
Their unit commander rejoined them when the nurse let them lay down. Spree cleared her throat.
"You've got the next two days off, but I expect to see you both bright and early Friday morning. Is that clear?"
"Aye..." Fleck and Hade saluted her weakly.
"Good. As you were, lieutenants."
Spree left the med-bay and Hade turned to Fleck.
"Never met such hard-ass Commander in my life."
"Don't think you will again, in this life or the next."
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Yeah, okay, so I got supper excited to write my first post and might've put all my favorite tropes together. Anyway, my first post!
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BRAAPPPP
Been thinking about this unused Medic taunt
Need I say more
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Zo hoort elke rit te zijn! 🏍️ #chopchop #braapppp #bangbang #loveit #motorcycle #sunset #holland #chopped #rebel #500cc #classic (bij Utrecht, Netherlands) https://www.instagram.com/p/CCHM7yup1yx/?igshid=14ekfg6yf9c39
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#finishline heat2 #sactomile #americanflattrack #speeed #checkeredflag #motovideo #instamoto #dirt #2wheels #braapppp (at Cal Expo Sacramento Mile)
#sactomile#2wheels#motovideo#dirt#finishline#instamoto#braapppp#speeed#checkeredflag#americanflattrack
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Check out @sidebysidestuff fan @tashahageder's new #Polaris RZR! - This pretty bitch #pretty #polaris #rzr #braapppp #rzr1000xp
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Reposted from @wvazracing - Prepare-se para fortes emoções 👋 - #regrann . . Vamos de cabo enrolado com nossa pequena gigante @indy199 #braapppp . . #indy99 #tuttomoto #shoei #ngksparkplugs #castrol #project77 #jeskap #futuremotorsbrasil #raandstreetwear #mxrsports #wvazRacing #mmctreinamento #MMC #treinadorricardobranco #proqualityestreito (em Proquality Estreito) https://www.instagram.com/p/BvPQA5ggm5S/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=8f5kyl0gze5s
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Strongest ball of gas in paradox space, nothing can compare to the one and only fartloon Rose! (and if the mun's getting bored of writing fart sfx feel free to end it there lol)
(( defashgljh theres only so many ways i can write a sound that is effectively BRAAPPPP or bOURUoropURP without just doing the same thing with extra key smashing ;w;
#fun fact i almost add in a few s sounds to her fart but that sounded like she was shitting sdfkigtjreo#mun speaks
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Heard the song and watched the whole video back in January. Beautifully shot. Think of Notorious B.I.G and Faith, or Nas or Lauryn Hill type of feel. It drops tomorrow , Pure Desi, Pure Hip Hop! Big Shout out to @therajakumari @vivianakadivine #gullygang braapppp!! @gangiskhancamo
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