#boyfriend asmr YouTube video if someone else is here and it always puts me to sleep so easy

[madigoround]

If you see this and want to link me your favorite comfort fics that would be cool 🥺

[star-lemonade]

Private Video (1/2)

A.C.E Donghun x Reader

Cw: smut, asmr

Rating: R

Word count: 3.2k

Not betaed. thanks to @silent5tar for reading it ahead of release <3

“I heard your channel is doing well.”

Sujin smiled over the edge of her mug. She had never really understood the appeal of ASMR, but she still supported your endeavors.

“Yes, it is. Next month I will invite you to dinner.”

“Oh, so you really make some money?”

Sujin raised one eyebrow. A look that fit her face well. Even in situations like this her words never came out accusatory.

“Not really, but I can take my best friend out for dinner anyways.”

She smiled as the waitress came with your cakes. No, the youtube channel did not really make money, if you consider the cost of the microphone and filming equipment but it was a good pass time. The feedback from people in the comments felt good too.

“Ah! I remembered something.”

Sujin leaned forward as if people in the cafe would pay attention to your conversation. Of course no one was looking at you.

“Do you remember Donghun?”

Yes, you did remember him. Donghun was Sujin’s ex-boyfriend’s friend. Well, friend is maybe said too much. They had attended some of the same classes and Donghun had hung out with him, and by extension you, sometimes.

“I do. What’s with him?”

“He asked for your number.”

That was surprising. You had talked a few times but mostly you had been there for Sujin, to spend time with her. Why did he want your number now?

“Okay. Why tho?”

She shrugged. At least she had not just given out your number to anyone who asked. A bit more information would have been though.

“No idea.”

You thought about it. Technically you knew him so it was not like you would give your number to a stranger and if you did not like where the conversation was going you could still block him.

“Okay, give him my number then.”

A few days later Donghun asked you to meet him for coffee. The place was in a particularly hip part of town. Every coffee shop here was the picturesque backdrop for some influencer’s instagram post.

You entered the shop and looked around. Donghun was nowhere to be seen. You got yourself a coffee and sat down. The place was cozy with its assorted armchairs and low tables. It would be perfect to come here and read a book. It was not too loud either at the moment at least. You sank into the soft cushions. The armchair felt like a lot of people had previously sat in it. The seat had sunken in the middle but it was still okay. A shadow appeared in your periphery.

“Hi, how have you been?”

A soft voice asked from the side and you jerked up. Donghun had arrived. His dark brown hair fell into his eyes as he smiled, looking down at you. He took off his jacket and hung it over the armchair opposite you. The jeans and plain black sweater looked stylish on him.

“I’m good thanks for asking.”

“Good to hear. I will just get a coffee too.”

He joined the queue for the counter. The coffee shop was not very full at the moment, most people just got a drink to go and left again. Donghun looked different from the last time you had seen him. His hair was longer and dyed a warm shade of brown. The small piercing in the side of his nose was new too. It gave him an even more soft, pretty feeling. He looked like one of those instagram influencers that you followed for their cozy aesthetics and beautiful faces. You wondered if he had a public instagram account and if yes, how many followers did he have. I would follow him. You made a mental note to look for his account later.

He returned with a mug of coffee and sank into the soft armchair.

“So, why did you want to meet me?”

“Ah, yes it’s been a while.”

He looked down at his mug that he held in his hands. Several delicate metal rings decorated his fingers. You could also see a bracelet peek from under his sleeves.

“I have seen your videos and I love your channel.”

“Oh, so you are a fan.”

Your tone was teasing and Donghun smiled.

“I guess so.”

Not a lot of people you knew had much interest in what you did on your channel. Most had never even seen an ASMR video. Sujin had watched some when you started but it was not something that she needed in her life.

“What are your favorite videos then?”

Let’s see if he really watched them or not. You had not done that many videos over the past year or so, maybe 30 videos, but you had enjoyed making them. He leaned forward a bit as he spoke.

“I really liked the one with the lid sounds. Those containers from lush sound really good.”

You nodded.

“Oh and the long one. I listen to it while working.”

Ah yes. The long one. The 3 hour monstrosity had taken forever to edit together. You had made some mistakes and it delayed the whole schedule you had set for yourself. It felt good to hear that your work was appreciated.

“There is actually something I wanted to ask.”

He leaned forward and met your eyes.

“I would love to try it too. Recording a video I mean. Would that be okay with you? Maybe you can publish it, if it’s good?”

So this was his ulterior motive. It made sense. The equipment was pretty pricey so, if you do not know, whether or not you really like recording, it would be better to try first with someone else’s microphones.There was no harm in letting him play around. You seized him up. Donghun would look good on camera, you were sure of that. Personally you only showed your face very few times. It was enough to have good sound and nice close ups of the objects. One thing about him stood up to you the most.

“I think I have an idea for your video already.”

“Oh, really?”

“Yes, how is next Saturday for you?”

You set up your filming equipment in the small living room. Well, more like the room had become a set and had ceased to be a living room. You had built a soundproof box out of plywood and sound absorbing foam. While it was technically removable, most days you just let it stand there. It was simply too bothersome to move it elsewhere.

Donghun arrived on time. He rang the bell and you let him in. Just as you had told him, he wore an off white sweater. There were some colors that had to be avoided when filming videos, because they did not look as good on camera. The background in the sound proof box was black so this would make him stand out.

“Hi, can I offer you something to drink?”

“A cup of tea, if you have it.”

While you made tea for both of you, Donghun inspected the set. A chair was surrounded by three walls of sound foam. The camera and the microphone were plugged in to your computer and ready to go.

“Here.”

“Thanks.”

He sat down on the chair as there was no other place for him to sit that was not the floor. He blew on his tea.

“So, what have you planned for me.”

“Have you ever seen a hand sounds video?”

These kinds of ASMR videos featured a person rubbing their hand together in different ways. You enjoyed listening to them a lot and while you would have loved to make one yourself, the thought of having people look at you hands that closely made you uncomfortable. Okay, maybe they were doing that already but it would be even more intense.

“Oh. Yes, I have. You think I will be good at that?”

“You have nice hands, so…”

Now that you had said that out loud it seemed a bit odd. As if this was something inappropriate. It implied that you had looked at him. He held up his hands and inspected them. Pretend like that wasn’t awkward. He nodded.

“So, when do we start?”

You closed the blinds on the windows and began to adjust the lighting. Donghun looked really good. His skin had a healthy tone and the long hair, freshly washed, shone in the lights. He had rolled up his sleeves, but you wondered if taking the sweater off would be better.

You gave him a monitor - some earbuds - so he could hear himself while recording. He started to test the microphone and looked surprised at the sound. You could not hear the sound of the microphone but it was okay. You would watch the recording a bit later. Donghun rubbed his fingers together and experimented with speeds. His hands were graceful and you could not help yourself but stare. Even if it was disguised as monitoring the recording.

“Can you come over I wanna try something”

You walked over to him, wondering what it was. He took your hand and pushed the sleeve of your shirt up. While close to the microphone, he ran his palm over your arm. A shiver ran down your spine. His hands were a bit more on the soft side and the way he rubbed your arm, even if unintended, put you on edge. It had been some time since you had had a partner and this felt almost too intimate.

Thankfully Donghun did not notice the effect he had on you because he was focused on the sound only he could hear. You controlled your breathing as it would be audible on the recording. Please stop being so handsome. The faint smell of shampoo and freshly washed clothes tickled your nose. It made your stomach drop.

Okay, but is it possible that I am developing a crush on Donghun right now? That was totally possible. You had always found him kind of attractive, but you had never spent that much time together.

“Are you okay?”

His voice was soft, only audible because it was so quiet. It brought you back to the present.

“Yes...yes! Sorry I…”

You cut yourself off. Don’t mumble. His fingers pressed lightly against the palm of your hand. Almost like holding hands but not quite. He got up, not letting go.

“Can we take a break?”

“Sure.”

You were very aware how close he was and of his fingers gently holding your hand. His eyes were a warm shade of brown that reminded you of chocolate.

“Let’s go then.”

A trip to the coffee place around the corner gave you a bit of time to sort your thoughts. Maybe you should ask Donghun if he was looking for a girlfriend. If he was, you could ask him out. There was no point in denying you felt something for him. Now, the only question that remained was, how could you ask subtly about his relationship status. You could not bring yourself to just ask. What if you made it awkward? What if he laughed in your face? No, you wanted to do it, indirectly. You would come up with something.

After you drank your coffees, you returned to the apartment. Donghun recorded for about two hours. You would have to cut some parts where a truck drove by or where the neighbors talked too loudly but it had looked good.

“Awesome, you did a good job!”

It was true you really liked the video and sounds you had recorded. You set the earphones down and looked up at Donghun.

“Is it really okay if I upload this?”

From a legal standpoint you could not simply upload someone else’s face to your Youtube channel. So you had to ask.

“Yes!”

He beamed as he put on his jacket. You did not want him to leave but could not think of a reason to make him stay. Donghun must be tired. Sitting in the chair for so long was surprisingly exhausting. You knew that from experience.

“Awesome.”

You saw him to the door. Donghun standing in your door was something you would like to see again. When he came back that was.

“It was fun recording today! Thank you for letting me do this.”

His smile was a ray of warm sunlight.

“No problem. I had fun.”

He stood in your door and buried his hands in the pockets of his pants. I bet the hair feels as soft as it looks. It looked like he wanted to say something, probably goodbye. The time was now.

“Would you like to grab a coffee sometime?”

He looked a bit surprised but a smile appeared on his face.

“Yes, I would like that.”

“Good.”

Your heart had skipped a beat when he had said that. Hopefully it would not be too long before you met again.

“See you around.”

The video with the title “Hand sounds with my friend” was a big success. Comments and likes poured in all day. One of the most upvoted ones read:

“I loved the part you did together. Can we get a part two? 😘”

The thought of Donghun running his hands along your skin was dangerous. It had felt so good. It had been two weeks since you had filmed the video but the memory was still vivid in your mind. The tickling of his fingertips brushing over your arm. The warmth of his hands and the smell of his hair were still there. You wanted to run your hands through the soft hair, wondering how it would feel. His head would tilt up and he would look up at you with those sparkling eyes. Maybe he would kiss your hands. Kiss your arm. Kiss your lips.

Your phone vibrated and you jerked from your daydream.

“Hey, do you wanna get dinner tonight?”

Donghun. As if your thoughts had summoned him…

“Sure, where do you want to go?”

Was this a date? You did not want to ask if this was a date or not. No need to make things awkward.

About 20 minutes before you had to leave for your maybe date, you stood before your wardrobe and weighed your options. The nice dress may signal your interest but could also be perceived as overkill for a casual date with a friend. Wearing a simple jeans and sweater or cardigan combo might seem too much like you were not interested and saw this more as a “friends going out to eat” situation.

You put on the dress. It showed way more cleavage than you remembered. You did not feel comfortable enough to wear it today. Jeans and cardigan it was. As fast as possible you changed.

In order to relieve some nervousness you went to the bathroom and started putting on makeup in record time. Usually you were too lazy to put on makeup but in situations like now it felt like armour. Whatever may happen today at least you looked your best.

The worry you had had about a look overkill dissipated, when you saw Donghun. He wore black suit pants, a white dress shirt and a cream colored blazer. A black silk shawl was tied like a ribbon around his neck instead of a tie. Your dress would have looked down right shabby next this. Donghun looked absolutely stunning.

“Hi!”

“Hello!”

He smiled a small smile. It made your heart jump.

You opened the glass door and entered. The restaurant was not very fancy and Donghun seemed out of place. One of the tables in the back was free and he walked towards it with unwavering steps.

He sat down and you took the chair opposite. You busied yourself with choosing something to eat. The laminated pages of the menu made your fingers even more sweaty. It’s not necessary to be this nervous. Calm down. But look at him! Is he playing a prince in a drama or something. Who shows up to a dinner with a friend looking like that?

It was true, he looked extra good today. The only logical reason seemed to be that he saw this as a date. Maybe it was a good idea to signal your interest.

“I really like your outfit.”

He looked down as if to check what exactly he was wearing.

“Ah, yes. Thanks. I was taking photos with some friends earlier.”

“Oh.”

You did not realize that you had said that out loud until he gave you a questioning look. Pretending to be suddenly very interested in the menu you looked down and hoping your blush was not visible.

The waiter took your orders and left. You still felt awkward and avoided looking at him by looking around the room. Some of the older men at the other table were clearly talking about Donghun. He, however, was not bothered by the way people looked at him. In general it seemed like not a lot could dampen his confidence. One time you had hung out with Sujin, her ex and some more friends, you had played some game. Your recollection of the night was not very good but the result of the game - or was it a dare? - was that Donghun had to put on one of Sujin’s crop tops. He wore it for the rest of the night even when you went to a club. Now that you thought about it, this was actually something you admired about him.

“I don’t think i have asked, but what do you do for a living?”

Donghun had mentioned working but you did not remember what it was that he did. As it turned he worked as a system administrator at a company not too far away. On the side he had an instagram account with a few ten thousand followers. Not a huge following but definitely something. You pulled out your phone and searched for his account.

“I will stalk your account later.”

“But don’t like all the old posts or people will notice.”

Eyes sparkled mischievously and you laughed. The few photos you had seen looked exactly how you had expected. All of them had a hard to describe coziness to them. Like the one of Donghun sitting in bed with a mug.

“How have you been doing?”

The food had arrived and you felt more relaxed around Donghun. He obviously did not think this was a date so there was no pressure on you to look your best. It was a bit disappointing but also a relief. You talked about your work and how you thought about changing jobs.

“Would you quit if your channel was making enough money?”

“hmm.”

You had thought about that before but reality was complicated.

“Right now i’m just doing it for fun but if it was a matter of paying the bills, I don’t think it would be as fun.”

Donghun nodded.

“It’s not very stable.”

“That too.”

If your channel did very well and you quit your shitty, but stable job, you would have to worry more about what videos would do well instead of enjoying what you do.

“Ah, speaking of the channel, I wanted to ask you something.”

Donghun looked up from his plate.

“The video we recorded did really well and people asked for another. Would you like to make another video with me?”

[atinydise]

Ateez doing a YouTube video with their s/o

❦ Genre: Fluff/Crackhead.

❦ Pairing: OT8.

❦ Word count: 13k5.

❦ Masterlist.

HONGJOONG - Make-up video

You looked at Hongjoong. He was staring at you as well. Without saying anything. After this long silence, both of you laughed out loud. “Stop staring at me like that!” You ordered him playfully. “But it’s weird! We never did this together!” He giggled. “Yes, true.” You smiled. “Anyway! Hello guys welcome back to my channel! Today as a special guest we have…” You pointed at your boyfriend. “Kim Hongjoong! Yaaay!” “This is weird.” He laughed. “Just say hi idiot.” “Hi guys this is Kim Hongjoong!” He introduced politely. “Today, he will do my make up,” you smiled and clapped enthusiastically. You sat down on the chair you brought and tied your hair on a messy bun. Hongjoong was standing in front of you, choosing a foundation. “It’s going to be terrible.”

“Come on… you’re an idol, you put a lot of make up!” “Yes, but I never did it on myself than imagine on you.” He gulped. Your boyfriend applied carefully the first layer of make-up. “You’re doing pretty good.” After that, he looked for a concealer and an eyeshadow. “Gosh, how many palettes you have?” “Just choose 2 or 3 shades.” You pointed at the peach one. “Okay okay, I think I’m doing well.” He complimented himself. “I’m impatient and scared to see the results.” You laughed. “Stop moving!” He scolded you, “I can’t apply it correctly.” You giggled, seeing your boyfriend so focused, “then don’t be so harsh! I feel like my eyeball will roll on the floor!” Few minutes later, Hongjoong claimed that he was done. “Really? You forgot the lipstick.” “I don’t want to.” You stared at your boyfriend, “why?” “Because when I kiss you it goes on my lips.” You chuckled shyly, “okay I got it. Then can I see the final result?” Hongjoong hide his face on his hands. While you grabbed a mirror. “Oh wow. This is actually really good.” You said surprised. “Ah really?” “Yes! You did pretty good.” You stared at your reflection. “Mission accomplished!” You giggled and turned back to your camera. “Well, I hope you enjoyed the video and hit the like button if you want more videos with this boy.” You pointed again at your boyfriend. “See you in another video!” You waved with Hongjoong.

SEONGHWA - Mukbang video

“Hey hey hey*!” You greeted, waving at the camera. “Are you an Itzy member?” Asked Seonghwa. You looked away, ashamed by his joke. “I’ll cut this part out.” He smiled widely, proud of him. “Hello guys! I hope you’re doing well!” You looked at Seonghwa, “we are here today for a Mukbang** video!” He showed all the food in front of you. “I guess that you’re hungry because you forgot to introduce yourself.” “Oh yeah sorry! I’m Park Seonghwa, Y/N’s boyfriend.” He bowed politely. You giggled softly, “So as I said, we are going to do a Mukbang! Of course, we won’t just eat. Seonghwa will talk about his idol life and why not revealing few secrets?” You glanced at him. “I have no secret.” He replied. “Yes, sure. Liar.” You started. He shook his head. “So, what do you want to eat first?” You asked. “Oh, and yeah! Everything here is spicy guys.” “Nice! Let’s start with Ttoekbokki***.” Both of you started to eat, slightly minding about the spiciness. “So, tell us something about your life?” You initiated. “Hum… it’s a totally different lifestyle that I had before. Thanks to KQ, we have our free weekends, except during promotions, but the week is totally full and exhausting.” He wrapped his arm around you. “So full that I can barely see this cutie.” He pouted. “Yeah true.” You ate a piece of meat. “But there’s good points of course. We go on tour all around the world and we have so much people supporting and loving us unconditionally.” “Yeah,” you added grabbing a piece of chicken this time. “Are you listening to me? You’re only eating!” He laughed. “You talk… I eat.” You replied, your mouth almost full of meat. Seonghwa continued to talk about his career and his dreams, picking food sometimes. “So please continue to support us!” he smiled, thumbs up. “Oh my god… I’m full.” You complained, rubbing your belly. “Of course, you are. You ate 60% of the food here, by yourself!” You stuck your tongue out at him. “Anyway, guys this is the end of this Mukbang with Seonghwa.” You pouted. “But like and subscribe to Y/N’s channel if you want more content like this!” He added. “Wow you’re doing pretty good.” “Why are you surprised? We have a YouTube channel too.” He said. “Oh yes, with your failed ASMR.” You teased him. He started at you, outraged. “How dare you!” “Bye bye!” You waved at the camera.

*Reference to Icy intro by Itzy.

**Mukbang: It’s a YouTube trend from South Korea. It consist to eat loads of food while narrating and interacting with their audience.

***Tteokbokki: is a Korean traditional food which has sticks of rounded rice cake as the main ingredient.

YUNHO - Rate My Outfit

Yunho crawled slowly in front of the camera, showing his big forehead. “You look like a thumb.” You claimed behind him. “A what?” He laughed out loud. “I’m sure they will think about this too.” You giggled. “Introduce the video before I quit!” he teased you. You turned to your camera and claimed. “Hello beautiful people! Today I will do a ‘Rate my outift’ with my boyfriend Yunho.” You clapped at him, happily. “Hello guys!” He waved at the camera. “Are you ready?” “More than ready.” He replied. “Okay let’s go.” You went to your room and wore the first outfit you prepared for the video. It was a casual light and long dress. You added a matched shirt underneath. “Close your eyes!” You placed in front of him, posing a little bit. “Open it now.” “Oh! You’re cute with this. It reminds me our first date. You wore something similar.” “Aw, I’m surprised you remember this.” You smiled cutely. “But rate my outfit.” “7/10, I don’t really like the pattern of the dress. Something else will fits you more.” “Okay…” you said a little bit disappointed. “Then 2nd outfit!” You rushed back to your room to wear a blue pants, a light purple top and white sneakers. “Open your eyes.” You hopped impatiently. Yunho stared at you intensely. “I’ll give it an 8,5/10.” “Better than the first one.” You shrugged. “I would like this outfit a little bit more with heels. You would look so good!” “Oh, why not, I didn’t think about that.” “That’s why I’m here.” He added proudly. “Okay another outfit.” This time, you decided to expose more skin to surprise Yunho. You took a tight black dress slightly opened on the right. You added 3 necklaces to decorate your V-Neck. You hesitated to wear heels but finally you did. “Okay…. Open your eyes on 3…2…1” You stood up in front of him. “Now!” You immediately saw the he was shock. And completely froze. “So?” You turned around. “10/10?” “0/10.” He stood up in front of the camera, blocking the view. “What are you-” “No one except me can see this outfit! You’re exposing too much skin young lady!” “Yunho,” you chuckled. “Thank you for watching this video, it will end earlier than excepted! Bye bye!” He waved at the camera, still hiding your body.

YEOSANG - Ateez Answer MV Reaction

“Hi guys! Here’s another video with a special guest to-” you started. Yeosang stared at you, “This is so cliché.” “Here’s another video with a special and annoying guest: Kang Yeosang!” You introduced your boyfriend. “Hello,” he simply greeted. “Hello? Just hello?” “You already introduced me.” You looked at the camera, “Annoying was the good word I guess.” Yeosang smirked lightly. “Today we are going to react to ATEEZ new comeback!” You shouted happily. “Are you exited?” “Not really. I know I’m handsome.” “Oh my god this boy…” you rolled your eyes. “I’m done with you.” “I know.” He smiled proudly. “Anyway, let’s go!” You played the video and waited impatiently. “You don’t ask me why it’s called Answer?” he paused right away. “Why it’s called Answer?” “I don’t know, let’s go.” He played again. You scoffed, “idiot…” The MV started, you were already immersed by the set. “Who’s this?” You asked when you saw the guy in white. “No idea.” He lied. “Wow San!” You clapped happily. “Shouldn’t you clap only for me?” He asked. “There’s no reaction rules.” You tickled his chin. The music video continued, you were already jamming to Mingi and Hongjoong’s rap verse. “This is so good!” Yeosang nodded, proud of his members. “The choreo! Please! This is awesome!” You claimed at the chorus. Just after that, Yeosang had his part. “Look at my man!” You hyped him. “So gorgeous! Visual for sure!” “I know I know… I snapped.” Both of you were focused on the rest of the MV. You were shock when you saw the scene with the real and fake ATEEZ. “How did they do that?” “No idea, but it’s so cool.” You clapped when the MV ended. “This is a BOP! Guys! I’m so proud of you.” “Thank you. I’m proud of us too.” “And the set, the outfits, the choreography, are just incredible.” “We all did a good job but I’m the best.” You looked away, ignoring your boyfriend, “anyway! I hope y’all loved the video. You should really check out their new MV by yourselves!” “Don’t forget to like and subscribe. And give love to us for this comeback. Love you Atiny!” He made a cute heart in front of the camera. “So cliché,” you giggled.

SAN - FAQ (Frequently asked questions)

“1…2…3” you counted. “Hello everyone!” San and you shouted together. “Here a couple FAQ video!” you started. “With San!” Added your boyfriend. “You were a bunch asking me some question about my relationship with San.” You said. “If you guys don’t know, someone uploaded a video of us while we were on a date.” San claimed happily, “so now that it’s official, we can do this video!” You smiled at your boyfriend, “Yes! Let’s start with the first question.” San grabbed your phone, “Okay, who did the first move and why?” You pointed at him, “completely San. I would never flirt with an idol. Or anyone else.” “To be honest, I noticed her a bunch of times at our fansigns. She was always so happy to see us. One day I slipped my phone number on her album.” “Too much charm for you huh?” You smiled widely at him. “Okay next question.” He ignored you playfully. “Who is the most jealous one?” You stared at him. “Don’t look at me like that because you are the jealous one! I can feel your stare on every girl who’s looking at me.” He laughed. “I hate seeing them looking at him.” You confessed. “Your thoughts on couple outfit?” Asked San, reading the question. “Hum… we never tried yet but we bought the same sneakers last month.” You replied. “How the members reacted when San introduced you?” He read. “They were pretty happy for me.” Replied your boyfriend. “They found Y/N really nice and cool.” You smirked proudly. “Who loves each other the most?” You read the question. Both of you stared at each other. “Both. Or maybe me.” Replied San. “What? No!” You turned around to face him. “You can’t even imagine how I love you.” He whispered, giving you this smile which made you melt every time. “Aaw…” was everything you could say. “This is too cute.” “And it’s the truth.” He grabbed your chin to kiss your cheek. You giggled slightly and focused back on the camera. “On these good words, we will end this video for today!” “We hope you enjoyed this video and if yes, then subscribes and like this video.” Said San thumbs up. “What a pro,” you chuckled.

MINGI - ATEEZ album unboxing video

“Do you want to introduce the video?” You asked your boyfriend, sitting on the couch next to you. “Sure!” he replied enthusiastically. “Hello everyone. We are back today with your favorite YouTuber… and Y/N!” he added. “Why are you rapping?” you teased him. “I don’t!” “I’m kidding big baby.” You pinched his cheeks. “So we are back and for an unboxing video!” You grabbed the album on your shelf. “Say hi to ATEEZ new physical album.” Mingi clapped next to you, “it’s so pretty.” You opened carefully the album, “Wow… this is so cool.” “Let’s go straight to my pictures!” claimed your boyfriend. “No! I want to see other members’ pictures too!” You slapped his hand. “Then look at the photocards.” “No! Why are you so impatient?” You laughed. “I want to see if they chose the best pictures.” He stomped. You turned the pages slowly, looking at every member. “Wow look at Yunho! He looks so good.” You showed at the camera. “Yes, yes…” muttered your boyfriend. You continued until your man’s pictures. “Should we skip your pictures and look at Wooyoung and Jongho?” You teased him. “No!” He almost ripped the photobook of your hand and turned the page. “Look how lucky you have this beautiful boyfriend!” he stared at you, proud of himself. You simply shrugged, “yes I guess.” “Yes I guess? That’s all you have to say?” he looked at you. “I’m kidding.” You laughed out loud. “You’re handsome!” You continued to turn the pages, with Mingi who was claiming that he was the prettiest one. “So, for the photocard… we have…” Mingi drummed on his laps. “Tugutugutugutugu-“ “Mingi!” You giggled. “Really?” He grabbed the photocard. “Kidding, it’s Hongjoong.” “I hate you… you’re always mean with me.” “Love you too Princess.” Mingi pouted, “I’m going to ask KQ to put more photocards of me.” “Sure… anyway, it’s the end of this unboxing video. Like & subscribe for another video like this-” “I won’t comeback because you are bullying me.” He looked away. “Big baby…” you waved at the camera, ignoring him.

WOOYOUNG - Jelly Belly Challenge

“I’m scared…” laughed Wooyoung holding the pack of Jellybeans. “Me too, it’s probably a bad idea.” You said. “Let’s do it,” started Wooyoung. “Hello everyone! Welcome back to my channel! Today we are going to do the Jelly Belly Challenge!” You introduce the topic. “For people who ignore what is it, it’s a game where you can get a good taste as peach or a terrible one as vomit…” he explained disgusted. “Let’s go!” You claimed happily but a bit anxious. “Let’s turn the wheel.” “Not white please, not white.” Prayed Wooyoung. “Green!” You shouted. “Pear or grass… not too bad.” You picked 2 green beans and gave one to your boyfriend. “Ready?” “Not at all.” “Go!” Both of you shoved the bean in your mouth. “PEAR!” You shouted. Wooyoung grabbed the bottle of water in front of him, “grass.” He sipped disgusted. “I forgot how unlucky you were.” You laughed at him. “This is disgusting how did they do that?” he asked. “Okay, the next taste.” “Red one,” he said, looking at the wheel. “Strawberry or dead fish.” “Oh gosh…” Once again you gave a candy to your boyfriend and ate it instantly. “Strawberry!” you danced happily. “Straw-“ his expression changed immediately. “DEAD FISH!” Wooyoung rushed to the trash can off camera. You couldn’t stop laughing at him. “I don’t want to play this game anymore.” He yelled from the bathroom. Sadly for him, you had a dozen of rounds after that. Wooyoung was the one who got the most of terrible taste. “Okay last round: peach or vomit.” You said seriously. Without thinking twice, you ate the bean. Unexpectedly, both of you got: “VOMIT!” Wooyoung spitted the candy on the trash again, drinking water while you ran to the bathroom, probably to throw up for real. “What is this game!” Shouted Wooyoung, drinking your bottle as well. “Are you okay Y/N?” He asked, still disgusted. The only sound he heard was you flushing the toilet. “Well. See you guys in another video! Subscribe-” he almost threw up. “and like! And please don’t play this game!” he warned before turning off the camera.

JONGHO - Playlist of my life

“Hello everyone, welcome back to my channel!” You greeted and waved at the camera. “Today, with Jongho we are going to play, ‘compose the playlist of my life’.” You said. “Y/N is going to give me 6 songs and I’ll tell her if it’s on my ‘On repeat’ playlist.” Added Jongho thumbs up. “I think I’ll fail. I don’t even know Korean songs who aren’t K-pop.” You started. “It’s okay, 6 should be okay.” Reassured Jongho. “Okay then let’s go!” You shouted at the camera. You thought a bit of which songs he was listening to these days, but you couldn’t remember even one. “The Weeknd… Blinding lights?” You tried. “Correct!” He said. “I think this is the only one that I will get.” “Just try come on! The one that I listen to every morning.” He gave you a hint. “CANDY! By Baekhyun!” You shouted. “See! You’re doing good.” He smiled. “This is my all-time songs right now.” “Oh wait! I just thought about this one! Grenade by Bruno Mars.” Jongho crossed his arms, “wrong. But nice try.” “I’m sure there’s an ATEEZ song but which one I don’t know…” you bite your lip. “2nd hint… there’s 2.” “Star 1117.” “Correct.” “Say my name?” You hesitated. “Wrong.” “Oh gosh this is too hard.” “Earlier than Say my name.” He gave you another hint. “OH! Treasure!” you exclaimed. “Correct.” “I should have thought about it.” “2 lasts songs.” He smirked. You stared at the camera, desperately. “I wish you could help me guys, I’m pretty sure Atiny would end this game in 2 minutes.” “You can do it. If you guess the 2 songs before the end of the video, I’ll buy you a Boba.” “Lauv! I like me better!” You guessed immediately. “Correct!” “Okay last one… BTS?” You waited for a hint. “Yes.” “Friends?” “Wrong! But it’s in the same album.” “My time!” You shouted sure of your answer. “Yes!” “Yay!” You stomped happily. “I’ll get a Boba after this hard work,” you said, laying lazily on the couch. “See, this wasn’t so difficult.” He smiled. “You listen a bunch of OST too, but I can’t remember even one title song.” “Shame on you,” he pouted. “Hope you enjoyed this short video guys! If you want more videos like this give us a like and subscribe!” You waved at the camera. “Bye bye!” Jongho made a whole heart with his arms. “So kitschy,” you chuckled.

[youwerenevermeanttofeelalone]

But? Damian Wayne • Tim Drake

Pairing: Older!Damian Wayne x Plus Size Reader, Tim Drake x Plus Size Reader

Word Count: 4.5k

Summary: you go through a lot because of Tim and Damian but in different ways.

Request: do you listen to asmr boyfriend roleplay (on yt)? Some of them would be great as fics.

Warnings: angst, mentions of cheating, sexual innuendos, language, fluff, a very light mention of violence, light mentions of insecurity, is rain a warning?

A/N: the fact that every fic I’ve written for these characters has the same concept is very funny but I definitely see the appeal and the potential.

Based off these YouTube videos: one two three

❖︎・・・・・❖︎・・・・・❖︎・・・・・❖︎

Replaying it didn’t make it easier to digest. After months of plans to move in together and talks about adopting a dog, Tim had broken up with you. He fell for someone else, a person he spoke about often.

She was a coworker of his, a gorgeous woman if anyone asked you. You could never blame him for falling for someone like her, she looked like a model and was a badass agent — it just hurt.

Now you were packing the belongings he kept at your place to send them to him with Alfred. It seemed like he couldn’t only break your heart and walk away, Tim also had to humiliate you. Out of respect, Alfred didn’t ask anything at all, he merely reminded you he was always available for you and wished you a good night.

The TV show playing in front of you wasn’t being processed by your brain. Curled up on the bed, covered with the duvet and a fuzzy blanket, you were desperately trying to conceive some sleep, for your brain to at least calm down so your head would stop throbbing and your eyes twitching.

Startled by tapping on the window, you were forced to swallow the mucus clogging your nose. Coughing, you rolled on the bed to asses who had disturbed you. Upon realizing it was just Robin, you begrudgingly left the bed to open the window.

He entered the room without saying anything, waiting for you to lock the window and close the curtains to take his domino mask off. He always did that, no matter how many times you told him no one would see him.

Damian stared down at the dozens of used Kleenex in the trashcan you kept near the bed. “Why are you upset?”

“I thought you knew...” your voice was strained, throat too tired due to the sobbing.

“I clearly don’t.”

“Tim dumped me for someone else.” Saying it in front of his brother was even worse than you had imagined. “Why are you here if it isn’t because I forgot to pack his brown jacket?”

Damian plopped down on your desk chair, staring directly at you, “patrol was boring and father is with Kyle again.”

Nodding, you went back to your spot on the bed, making yourself comfortable with a pillow on your lap.

“Are you tired?”

You were, but you didn’t want to be alone. “Not at all,” you lied so he wouldn’t dare leave. “Do you want to watch that movie you recommended to me last month?”

“Sure.”

Browsing through different streaming services until you found the film, you saw Damian take parts of his suit off in order to be more comfortable. Surprising you, he sat down on the bed, just beside you, once you had found the title.

You had to admit that paying attention was easier with him around, probably because you didn’t want to annoy him. The film did its job, you finally got distracted — you also fell asleep.

It became a routine, every night he would tap on your window and make you company. Some nights you would stay up until sunrise when you had to go to work, others he would be so tired he’d crash out on your couch, and a few nights you fully rested because his presence made you feel calmer.

Damian and you had never been too close, he and Tim had a complicated relationship and you didn’t want to have problems with your now ex-boyfriend. Now you hoped you had, he wasn’t what you had thought — Damian was nicer than every member of the family made him out to be, funnier, smarter, kinder. You genuinely enjoyed being around him.

He was extremely patient with you. He’d recommend you things to entertain yourself, let you vent when you needed, and without having to do it, would often make sure you had been eating properly because he had observed that between how much you had cried the days after the breakup, your job, and your lack of sleep you were low on energy. Damian had even spent an entire week helping you redecorate the apartment to cheer your spirit.

Being close to Damian meant spending time at the park with Titus, a shit ton of it, and trying new food every weekend, and visiting art galleries which had never been your thing. Being close to Damian also meant worrying because with all of his skills and abilities he was the most stubborn man you had ever met who often fought blindly just to end up in the Batcave's medical wing with a worried Alfred calling you to let you know your friend was hurt but alive.

Most importantly, being close to him meant feeling free to be yourself. You were sure no one would believe you, but it had never been truer.

❖︎・・・・・❖︎・・・・・❖︎・・・・・❖︎

Elevators had you tired, ironically. The only reason you hadn’t taken the stairs was that you were carrying a portfolio full of documents, a book bag, your purse, and a coat — everything was wet, just like you. Taking an umbrella would’ve saved you many nuisances, or not walking home from work, but you were too distracted in the morning to remember and now you were paying for it thanks to the rain that came with the nearing seasonal change.

You liked the rain, its sound was soothing, the smell made you aware of your own existence as it awakened your senses, you felt cleansed by it. A lovely thing to experience overall, just not after a long day of work.

Stepping out the second the elevator doors slid open, you took the keys out of your coat with your right hand. You let the straps of your purse slide down to your forearm as you flexed your arm while introducing the key in the lock, when it turned, you sighed out of relief and pushed the door open to finally get inside.

The lights were already on, sizzling echoed around the small apartment and a familiar smell of stir-fried vegetables hit your nose. You hung your coat, letting it drip as much water it naturally could before even daring to put it into the dryer.

Walking further into the apartment, you found Damian in the kitchen. He was wearing the comfiest clothes you had seen him on, sweatpants and a matching sweatshirt with only a pair of white socks.

“What are you doing in here with this weather?” you asked, taking a look at what he was cooking.

“I was bored.”

He always said the same, you always told him you didn’t believe him but he ignored it every single time. Patting his back, you announced you would get changed.

“Don’t take too long, dinner will get cold!”

As much as you were fine with Damian being there( and his cuisine,) you had to wonder why couldn’t he tell you his reasonings for his presence at your place. One thing was him visiting when you were there and another him practically breaking into your apartment — you were open to give him a copy of the keys, to be honest, but you would really appreciate it if he asked.

Dinner was delicious, shared over talk about your day. Damian was avoiding speaking about his day, about his entire week actually — in the past month and a half he hadn’t done anything close to that.

Sat on the couch in order to continue bingeing the show the two of you had started last week, you considered asking him what was going on with him. It partially scared you, the last time a member of that family had acted like that toward you they broke your heart.

Taking a deep breath, you threw your head backward to rest it against the edge of the sofa. Damian watched you, frowning. “Are you okay?”

You answered in a hum. “You?”

“Peachy.”

You moved around the couch, opening your eyes to stare at him. He stared back, the frown slowly disappearing from his face as seconds passed.

“Do you want to talk about it?” you inquired in a timid voice.

“Father is planning on retiring.”

“Oh... are you taking over?”

“Yes.”

You couldn’t picture anyone but him doing it. Dick had been miserable as Batman, Jason wasn’t interested in being like Bruce after everything that had happened, and Cass was finally finding a balance in her life.

“You don’t sound happy about it.”

“I am.”

“But?”

He shook his head, “but nothing. It was a long day.”

For your mental wellbeing, you didn’t press on it. He was clearly hiding something from you but he had the right to do so. It made you feel bad but whatever.

The lights flickered, prompting you to groan. The storm was getting worse, the sky was rumbling with thunder and the lighting striking the city and flashing into the living room through the thin white drapes was as mesmerizing as terrifying.

You mumbled, “can you stay?”

“Yes.”

Damian walked behind you, holding the flashlight from his cellphone to light the path toward your bedroom. You undid the bed quickly so he wouldn’t have to hold the device up for so long, you were sure it wasn’t an inconvenience to him but you still didn’t want to bother him.

He sat down on the bed, just next to you, “I’ll stay here until you fall asleep, then I’ll sleep on the couch.”

“You can sleep next to me if you want.” You felt your face burn up the second the words left your mouth yet you meant them. Oh, you did.

You heard shuffling. Assuming he was taking his sweatshirt off to get into bed, you moved away from the middle of the mattress toward the farthest side from him.

Getting under the duvet, Damian laid on his back. His cologne mixed with his usual smell of vanilla and almonds filled your nostrils as he dropped his head onto the pillow with his arms crossed against his front.

“Dami?” you whispered. He hummed in acknowledgment. “Can you get closer? I’m cold.”

With no hesitation, he turned over in order to lay on his side. Throwing his arm around you from behind, “Is that better?”

You relaxed with your back against his chest, letting a content sigh out. Damian inhaled deeply, taking a whiff off you. He did it again then, finding the smell of your lotion soothing. As he relaxed too, his arm curled around you more comfortably with his hand laying on your plump belly. You placed your hand on top of his, a little nervous yet excited. Being held was a nice feeling, one you had forgotten.

He lifted his fingers, brushing yours. You intertwined your fingers between his, playing with them. He huffed a light breath, caressing the sides of your fingers as you played with his.

Turning around, you got lost into the ethereal way the light from the lamppost entering through the window illuminated Damian’s side profile. He opened his mouth to probably say something but you abruptly shut him up. You did know what overcame you, it was something that had been simmering in you for the past month — the need of being near him, the butterflies that swarmed inside you when he laughed, the peace he brought you. He surprised you by kissing back.

“Shit,” you exclaimed, realizing you had actually done it. “I’m sorry, I—“

“It’s okay,” he interrupted to assure you. He placed his hand on your lower back, leaning in again. “Can we do it again?”

You kissed him again, feeling him tighten his arm around you in order to pull you closer. He deepened the kiss too, prying your mouth open as you held his face in order to ground yourself mentally. Damian laid you on your back, pushing you into the mattress as he straddled you — his lips didn’t leave yours, not even as both of you whimpered while his hands trailed up and down your thighs and yours mapped his back. Full-on making out with your best friend wasn’t how you pictured your shitty day ending, but you weren’t about to complain.

Damian couldn’t keep his lips off your face, enjoying the softness of your cheeks under his mouth and seeing the natural twitches of your nose which made him realize you were actually awake. He hoped he hadn’t awakened you up.

“I thought you were asleep.” The depth of his voice sent a shiver down your spine. “Were you pretending?”

You hummed, “it was hard with all those kisses.”

“I wasn’t kissing you,” he said teasingly, using his index and middle fingers to lift your head in order to continue kissing your face. “Did you sleep well?”

“I did. You?”

He answered, “yes. The best in months.” It felt good knowing you weren’t the only one.

Damian hugged you close with both arms, exhaling happily, “you’re very warm.”

Hiding your face in his chest, you hugged back. You didn’t know what it meant, or the meaning behind the gesture of still cuddling in bed with the guy you had started developing feelings for mere weeks after breaking up with his brother. But it didn’t matter, you were comfortable in his arms and happy with seemingly having cracked his shell.

You had to ask, however. “Did I overstep last night?”

“No, I told you it was okay.”

“Oh, yeah.”

He pulled away enough to fully face you. You attempted to ignore him, shifting under his gaze. Damian licked his lips, “did I make you think otherwise?”

You shook your head, the sound the friction of the side of your face made against the pillow too loud for your liking. “I just... I don’t want to ruin our friendship.”

“Is this ruining our friendship?”

You stuttered, “I— I think so?” You weren’t sure.

“I want to ruin it,” he stated, eyes fixed on yours, “more than anything.”

Your eyes dropped to his mouth as he said it, his full lips tempting you again. You were scared of the lack of guilt you were feeling, but you happily gave in. “Let’s ruin it, then.”

Smiling brightly, he dipped his face in order to kiss you. You were certain you would never get over his soft lips, the warmth of his breath, the firmness of his touch, his intoxicating scent, his silky voice... God, he truly had you smitten.

Nuzzling against your shoulder, he intertwined his legs with yours. “I don’t want to get out of bed yet.”

You giggled. “Then don’t.”

Damian decided he could do that, just cuddle his favorite person in the world until something came up, maybe.

❖︎・・・・・❖︎・・・・・❖︎・・・・・❖︎

You had been typing on your computer, as music harmonized your den-office when the doorbell rang. Looking at the time to try and guess who could be visiting you on a Tuesday noon, you pushed yourself back, away from the desk, in order to stand up.

Dot, the Labrador you had adopted no long ago wiggled her tail from her spot near the couch as you crossed the living room. She loved laying there, she had a good view of the door and could jump on you the second you got home.

You regretted opening the door the second you faced your visitor. Tim Drake smiled timidly at you, “hi, (Y/N).”

“I— uh, hello?” You tilted your head, confused as to what he was doing there, who had given him the address and why had he thought he would be welcome.

“Can I come in?”

You lifted your index finger. “Just a second.”

Opening the guest-closet, you took a pair of slippers out and padded back toward the door. Tim looked down at the slippers you were offering to him, then at his shoes — as he did, he realized you weren’t wearing any footwear.

He complied, taking his shoes off and sliding his feet into the slippers. When he asked where to put the pair of footwear he had just taken off, you pointed to a mat next to the door, just under the key holders. You closed the front door as he dropped his shoes.

“Wow,” he exclaimed, eyes taking in as much of the space around him as possible, “your taste has changed! How long has it been?”

“A little over a year and a half.”

“We really need to catch up!”

You motioned for him to sit down on the couch. Dot curiously stared at him when he did so while you asked, “do you want anything to drink?”

“Coffee would be fine,” he answered just to have more time to examine the living room. It was extremely luxurious, with a vaulted ceiling and oversized windows.

Curious about the overall design of the penthouse, and how good your job had to be for you to be able to pay for such living arrangements, he followed you toward the kitchen where you were preparing his coffee. It was as full of luxury as the living room, with stainless steel appliances, granite counter-tops and a breakfast bar the size of your previous apartment’s entire kitchen.

“How have you been?” He asked, sliding his palm against the marbled breakfast bar.

“I’ve been great.” You gave him a tight smile, placing the sugar bowl onto the bar.

“I’m glad. How’s your family?”

“They’re great, thank you.” Out of courtesy, you asked, “how have you been?”

He cleared his throat and took a deep breath, “well, after I abruptly broke up with you, from which I’m very sorry because I was a dick, my girlfriend broke up with me too...”

“I’m sorry.” You genuinely felt for him, being dumped out of the blue wasn’t something you wished upon anyone. Pouring coffee into a mug, you handed it to him.

“It’s okay,” he smiled openly, nodding as a thank you for the coffee and dropping a couple of spoonfuls of sugar into the beverage, “I’m over it. I moved to Europe when Bruce said he needed someone to supervise the branch of the company there, the drama wasn’t good for my spirit.”

“Why are you back? It’s not like Gotham has changed.”

“My best friend is getting married.”

You hummed, finding estrange that you hadn’t been invited to the wedding.

“You have a new boy or anything?”

You stuttered, dropping a teabag into a cup, “perhaps.”

“Come on, (N/N), tell me! I won’t get mad.” He deviated his gaze. “I’m over you and everything.”

You confessed then, pouring hot water on top of the herbs, “I am dating Damian.”

“Which Damian?”

You waited for your ex-boyfriend to swallow the sip of coffee he had just taken and took the opportunity to have a sip of tea to calm your nerves. “Wayne,” you explained.

“You’re dating my little brother?!” He whisper-shouted. You simply nodded. “For how long?”

“Eleven months.”

“So what? You ran into his arms as soon as I broke up with you?!”

You didn’t appreciate the tone he was using or what he was insinuating. Definitely not when he had cheated on you without for once thinking of sparing your feelings.

“Damian was there for me when no one else had the time, it just happened.”

“I thought you were going to stay away from my family,” he reproached you.

In all honesty, you had thought the same thing. As much as Alfred had told you to call him if you needed anything when he went to pick up the belongings Tim kept at your place, you hadn’t planned on doing it — but that same night, when Damian arrived, tired after a long patrol, and playing dumb by saying he had just dropped by because he was bored you decided you didn’t have to, you didn’t want to. Eventually, you evolved, as many things had after that night, not for Damian nor because of him but next to him, with his patience and support.

“I can’t believe you,” he shook his head.

“I thought you were over me.”

“I’m not jealous! But you deserve better than him — you’re so pretty and nice and he’s selfish and mean and depends on Bruce for everything.”

That didn’t sound like Damian at all. “Maybe you don’t know your brother.”

“You’re telling me he’s changed? Because I don’t believe it.”

You couldn’t be a testimony of Damian’s change when you had never seen the version Tim described, but you could definitely say Damian was everything you had always wanted in a partner and more — he was what you needed, what you loved.

“You still can do way, waaaaaay better than him,” Tim interpreted your silence as a confirmation of Damian’s change.

“Like who, Timothy?”

“Like me!” he exploded, clenching his eyes shut for a couple seconds to control his breathing. “I’ll go straight to the point: I miss you. I came back to get you back, there’s no wedding. I was too stupid to see what I had when I had it, I know, but I’ve changed,” he assured, “I have a new philosophy, I’m surrounded by better people. I’m not blind anymore.”

“Neither I am.”

He ignored your comment and went on, “let’s just start again. In another country, a new house. We’ll adopt as many puppies as you want!” Tim took an envelope out, “I have two plane tickets here for tomorrow. One is yours.”

The front door unlocked loudly, prompting both you and Dot to crane your necks in order to stare at it. Damian pushed it open, shoes in hand and blazer draping over his forearm.

You saw him focus on the pair of shoes on the mat for mere seconds before Dot happily wiggled her tail at him as she approached him. Damian threw his blazer to the nearest couch, quickly undoing his tie which followed suit, before hunching down to pet the little dog.

Out of habit, you left the kitchen to walk toward him and greet him. He stood back up, naturally towering over you and kissing you softly, “hello, beloved.”

You giddily smiled, forgetting you weren’t alone, “hi, handsome. I missed you.” Wrapping your arms around his waist, you inhaled his scent. God, you had truly missed him. Sleeping without him wasn’t the same, nor having to rely on music or the tv for the place to not feel alone. Two days of not hearing his voice not waking up tangled up with him were too much sometimes.

Damian put his hands on your waist, sighing at finally being able to touch your soft body again. “I missed you more.” He leaned downward, placing his lips on yours again.

“(Y/N),” Tim pleaded from behind you, making you jump.

Damian parted from you, looking past your shoulder and directly at his brother. “Drake. What are you doing in here?”

You stepped to the side, opting for opening the terrace’s door so Dot could have some fun outside. In the background, as you leant against the doorway and watched the little dog sniff the terrace, you heard Tim say Alfred had given him the address. Oh, sweet Alfred, always trying to keep the family together.

Turning around, you saw them both sit down in front of each other in the living room. Trying to keep them from fighting, you walked back into the room and sat down next to your boyfriend.

Tim immediately told you, “please don’t throw it all to waste for him.”

Both Damian and you frowned. He put his hand on your thigh, like he had done the first time he had taken you to a business dinner as his date, like he had grown used to do under any table. It was your favorite gesture, he wasn’t a big fan of PDA but he still made sure to always be touching you — the fact that he loved your thighs when you had always been insecure due to their size was a nice addition.

“I’m over you, Tim. Damian is my boyfriend, and with who I want to be.”

“He’ll never love you like I do, he can’t.” Tim’s tone was the harshest you had heard from him.

He was right, though. Damian would never love you like Tim did, that was the whole point. You didn’t want what Tim had to offer, the kind of love he could give — you were past that, you had been for a long time now and it felt amazing.

Tired and spent, Damian hugged you extremely tightly while cuddling that night, almost to the point where you struggled to breathe. Wiggling in his arms in order to turn around and face him, you wrapped your arms around him as best as you could.

“What’s wrong, Dami?”

“Nothing.”

You dropped yourself onto your back, struggling to bring him in but ultimately succeeding. Damian sighed, shifting to be more comfortable as he laid his head on your bare chest.

“I don’t know,” he mumbled. Damian inhaled your scent, sighing in content — he was in his safe place. “I sometimes forget not everyone sees me the way you do.”

You supposed he was referring to Tim’s assumptions about him. “Does it bother you?”

“Only when they use it to try putting you against me.”

“You know they would never succeed, right?” You needed him to be aware of that.

“I do.”

“But?”

He moved to hover over you, fitting his legs between yours as he propped himself up with his elbows. “But it’s different when your ex does it. And no, I’m not jealous, I do trust you.”

You wrapped your arms around his neck. You understood what he meant, perfectly so. Damian had been there to pick up the pieces, he had helped you glue them together and even taught you to tweak them so the final piece would look better — with that, beautiful things had bloomed, but in between many tears had been shed on your behalf and many confessions had been made regarding your feelings in general; sprinkle in how hard it had been to process the fact that you had fallen for each other and you could understand where he was coming from. There was a piece of Damian in you, and there was a piece of you in him; at every level.

“It’s not relevant anymore, love,” you reminded him.

Damian caught your lips in a tender kiss, humming. “I just wish he wasn’t back.”

“He’ll be gone by tomorrow. And if he isn’t, I don’t care.” You started playing with his hair, unconsciously running your fingers up and down through his locks. “But I don’t want you to have a bad relationship with your brother because of me.”

“We’ve spoken about that.”

Damian had never been able to get along with Tim, his relationship with Dick was great and he had even built one with Jason, Cass was his favorite, and he had gotten to meet with Helena a few times. However, his resentment toward Tim heightened when you two started frequenting each other — he seemed to now despise him.

You tilted your head to pepper kisses over his jaw. “You’ll manage, Damian. You ignored him for years.”

Your boyfriend sighed dramatically, letting his weight gradually fall on top of you. Placing his hand on your cheek, he smirked before burying his face in your neck. “Besides,” Damian mumbled, “he’s not the one keeping you up tonight.”

[lovemesomesurveys]

Do you sit on the couch or the floor? I’d definitely choose the couch over the floor. 

How many different colleges have you gone to? Two-- a community college and a UC. How much stress can you handle? It doesn’t take much at all before I get overwhelmed.

What is something you have to do before you go to sleep every night? I like to listen to ASMR. 

How confident are you in achieving your dreams? Sigh. I’m a mess. I don’t even really have any dreams I want to achieve right now. I don’t have the motivation or the energy. I don’t have any confidence in myself. I really need to get my shit together.

What is one thing you thought you’d never do but have done or are doing? I didn’t think I’d end up like this. I didn’t have a definite plan with what I wanted to do after college, but I can assure you this wasn’t it.

Have you ever disowned a friend or family member for their beliefs? No.

At what point in your life do you think you will be truly happy? I don’t know. :(

Do you ever make pictures or shapes out of the markings in the ceiling? I did that as a kid sometimes.

Do you ever feel like your life is too boring or predictable? It most definitely is.

Do you really think money will buy your, or anyone else’s, happiness? It can certainly help. I think it could bring some happiness, like happy moments and things that bring joy, but it wouldn’t cure my depression and the other stuff I’m dealing with. It wouldn’t just go away. At the end of the day, I’d still be left with those things. The thoughts and feelings would still be there. Those feelings and thoughts hit me in the middle of doing something I like or if I’m having a good time now and I don’t see that changing if I became financially better off. 

Is shopping a form of therapy for you? No.

Do you have to take medication for any mental illness? I’m not currently taking anything for it.

Do you believe it is possible for someone to change? Yes, of course. 

What is your favorite food to snack on when watching t.v.? I’m not a big snacker, but lately I have been into sourdough bread and spinach and artichoke dip.

Do you like looking at pictures? Yeah.

Have you ever set 2 people up and it actually worked out? It did for a little while.

Are you good at persuading? Uhh. Depends.

How do you feel about tattoos and piercings? I’m not super into them for myself, but I think they can be cool.

Do you care what people think? Yes and no. Not as much as I used to. I wish it was because I’m now this happy and confident person, but no. 

How many dirty looks have you received today? None.

If a loved one who’d died showed up at your door, what would you do? Uh, I’d be scared and freaked out to say the least and extremely confused. I honestly don’t know what I would do or say. I think it’d be a roller coaster of emotions. If it really were them then I’d be overwhelmed and cry and want to hug them and talk to them and omg I’d be a mess. It would feel so surreal. I’d also have a lot of questions.

Do you believe the dead can have connections with the living? I like to believe they give us little signs.

How many times have you looked at a picture and wished you were there? Many times.

And your name is? Stephanie.

How do you like your coffee? With flavored creamer or cream and sugar.

Do you have a job? If so, what do you do? No.

If unemployed, what do you do to keep yourself busy? My days consist of rest, social media, TV, YouTube, Tumblr, reading, playing Animal Crossing, surveys, and spending time with family.

Top 3 favorite foods, go: Wingstop’s garlic parm and lemon pepper boneless wings, ramen, and breakfast sandwiches.

What does the person who texted you last mean to you? My mom means everything to me.

How do you feel about polyamory? Not something I would be okay with.

When did you last have sex? Was it good? Never.

Which apps on your phone do you use the most? YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, TikTok, and Kindle.

Do you go through phases when it comes to music genres, or are you pretty consistent in what you listen to? I’m consistent. 

Does death scare you? Yes.

If you could change one thing about your life, what would it be? I’d have good health, mentally and physically.

Which family member do you get along with the most? My mom and brother..

Do you like horror movies? Why or why not? Yesss. 

Do you play video games? If so, what are some of your favorites? I’ve been playing Animal Crossing: New Horizons for the past year.

How often do you eat fast food? Quite often.

Do you like sushi? Nooo.

Would you ever be able to become a vegan? No.

How often do you drink alcohol? I don’t. I haven’t drank going on 8 years now.

What was your favorite toy as a child? I was obsessed with Barbies.

Who was your first best friend? What is your favorite memory of/with them? Are you two still friends? These two girls, Crystal and Starr, in preschool. I remember they came to my birthday party at Chuck E Cheese; that was fun. No, we lost touch after preschool. 

If you could see anyone in concert, living or dead, who would it be? I wish I could have seen Linkin Park with Chester. :(

If you were to get married, would you rather have a big extravagant wedding or a small private affair? Explain your answer. I don’t plan on getting married. I really just don’t see it in the cards for me.

Do you want kids? Why or why not? No.

How did you meet your newest friend? I don’t have any friends.

Have you ever watched the show Teen Mom? What did you think about it? Yeah, I watch Teen Mom OG and Teen Mom 2.

Are you old enough to remember MySpace? Yeah, of course. I’m old.

Where is the boy you want most? There isn’t one.

Where will you be 2 hours from now? Right here.

How old is the last person you kissed? He just turned 30.

Who was the last person of the opposite sex to text you? My brother.

Can you make yourself sneeze? No. Tilting my head back and looking at a bright light doesn’t seem to work for me.

What is your current mood? Blah.

What are you doing tomorrow? Same stuff, different day.

Who was the last person to sleep in your bed besides yourself? I’m the only one.

Do you think you would make a good boyfriend/girlfriend? Not at this time, no.

Where were you at 9am this morning? I was in bed, asleep.

Whose bedroom were you in last? I’m in mine. Do you think you’ll be a good mother/father? I don’t want to have kids.

Do you talk to the person you like everyday? I’m not interested in anyone right now.

Do you have trouble deleting your text messages? I’ve never had a reason to delete them.

Is there something that you haven’t told anyone that you actually would like to tell someone? Ehhhh.

Would you rather rent or buy movies? I like watching them through a streaming service.

What is the best part of your own body? Nothing.

Would you rather watch a full season of American Idol, or So You Think You Can Dance? American Idol, I guess.

Do you like to take walks? No.

Have you ever gone anywhere for spring break? Yeah, my former best friend and I took a few small trips.

Do you worry a lot? Yeppp.

Would you rather have big or small dogs? Medium dog.

Do you mind being cold? I much prefer it to being hot. I like wrapping up in a blanket or lounging around in a sweatshirt or drinking a warm drink.

What is your favorite sports drink? I don’t drink any sports drinks.

Do you keep a diary or journal (offline or online)? This is it.

What is your favorite candy? White chocolate.

Do you document everything in pictures? Not everything, but I do like taking pictures of things I want to remember and having those memories.

Have you ever waited for something for so long and then had it snatched from right underneath you when it seemed so close to grasp? Yes.

Choose one: being able to teleport yourself anywhere in the world at any given time or being able to fly? Teleport, hands down.

Do you feel more comfortable in public wearing jeans or sweatpants? I’m a leggings gal.

What is something that most people wouldn’t know about you from simply looking at you? I take surveys. <<< Ha, true.

Do you fear growing older? Yes.

Have you ever been called a tease? Yes and I was like wtf? I wasn’t the one leading them on or playing with their emotions like they were. 

Is there something that reminds you of someone every time you see or hear it? Yeah, many things like that with different people.

Do you trust all of your friends? I don’t have any friends.

Does The X-Files theme song give you the goosebumps? It did when I was a kid.

Have you ever taken the batteries out of a Ferbie only to have it come alive in the middle of the night? Omg, that did happen once! Those things were freaky.

Don't you find those black cat clocks with the moving eyes and tail just a little creepy? lol yeah they kinda are.

When things get bad, are you more likely to blame yourself or somebody else? Myself. 

Are most of your friends' biological parents married or divorced? Do you remember those commercials that scared kids into not playing around railroad tracks? No?

Do you ever wish your life was a sitcom, just so all your problems could be solved in thirty minutes? That would be nice.

Have you ever noticed how different everybody's 1st, 2nd, and 3rd bases are? I feel like it’s the same general idea.

Do you tend to set yourself up for disappointment? I’m always expecting the worst case scenarios, so.

Would you ever call a guy back and say, "Oh, sorry. I was taking a hot shower"? No.

Who do you get most of relationship advice from: guys or girls? I used to get it from both. Although, oddly, I was the one people came to for relationship more often and I had none.

Have you ever put your all into someone and got nothing back? Yes.

Do you think that you, personally, have been more shaped by experiences or by people? Experiences.

Do people ever make fun of your religion or lack thereof? Not to me, personally, but yes people do make fun of Christianity.

Have you ever put the television on mute and tried dubbing in new dialogue? No.

Do you say/do things a lot for shock effect? No.

If you were in an iPod commercial, what would you want your background color to be? They don’t make those commercials anymore, but rose gold.

What was the last compliment you gave a guy? I don't know.

Do you usually follow your head, instincts, or heart more? They all play a role, it just depends. I suppose my emotions do probably play a bigger role.

Where do you spend most of your waking time at home? In my room.

Does your jaw ever crack, pop, or lock? It pops sometimes.

With just your life, are you more optimistic, realistic, or pessimistic? Definitely pessimistic.

Is it hard for you to ask for help? Yes.

Have you ever thought of how you would give your kids "the talk"? No. I don’t want to have kids.

Do you ever feel like you're missing out on something? Yeah, life.

Is your high school ANYTHING like the ones in the movies? My high school experience was nothing like that, but I feared it would be going in. Movies never paint high school in a good light.

Are you going to be totally screwed if pigs start flying tomorrow? I don’t recall ever really saying I’d do something if pigs fly or anything like that. I don’t think...

Have you ever finished taking a shower and realize that there are no dry towels? I always grab a towel beforehand.

Do you love listening to sad piano solos? Sometimes.

Was one of your grandpas in a war? My paternal grandpa was.

Did you ever actually try to find the end of a rainbow? As a kid, I’m sure.

Are you afraid of jinxing things? Sometimes. 

Do you ever write/draw on windows that are fogged up? I did that as a kid.

If you were married, and your spouse's parents became ill, would you let them move into your home? I’m very close with my family so I would certainly understand and would want to do what we could to help. 

Have you screamed in a pillow before? For sure.

If a guy put his jacket on a puddle for you, would you actually walk on it or just look at him like he was crazy? lol aww I would be like you really didn’t have to do that now your jacket is all wet and dirty. We can just go around. I’m in a wheelchair, so that wouldn’t do much good anyway lol.

Would any of your friends dress up like a cow for a free chicken sandwich from Chikfila?

What do you like more, acoustic or electric? Acoustic.

Have you ever ordered something off a commercial on television? Nope.

What do you notice more, somebody's eyes or smile? Smile.

Did you actually have a cookie jar? We did when I was little.

Have you ever put on a shirt that came straight out of the dryer? Yessss. I love that.

Sometimes, does it feel like your life isn't going anywhere? That’s exactly how I’ve felt these past few years.

You've reach a fork in the road, do you go left or right? Hm. Right.

Do you ignore people when you're mad/upset with them? Not flat out ignore, but I become distant and short. I don’t initiate conversation with them.

What's worse, having someone mad or disappointed in you? Disappointed, definitely.

Have you ever gotten up early the next morning to do homework or study? Yes, but I usually just stayed up late and finished instead. I didn’t want to risk waking up late or running out of time and stressing about it.

Do you still consider Pluto a planet? I always still include it. 

Right now, are you at a high, leveled, or low point? “And I’m at an all time low low low low low low low....”

When things go from bad to worse, have you ever been afraid of what kind of person you would be when it was all over? These past few years have made be become someone I absolutely do not want to be. :/

Do you honestly believe that good things come to those who wait? It can for some. Sometimes it seems like people are really just handed stuff with minimal to no effort, but generally speaking you have to work at it. I don’t think you can just sit around waiting, you have to get up and do it. And that’s something I need to do. I go on about how each year nothing changes and I’m worried about wasting away and doing nothing with my life, but I am doing anything to try and change that? Am I taking any steps? 

What do you bite on more, your tongue, lip, or nails? I’m always biting my lips. I pick at my nails constantly, but I don’t bite them.

Have you ever wanted to fast forward your life so you could see if it was worth it? Sometimes, but I’d be afraid to actually do that if given the chance.

Do you think that knowing when and how you're going to die would ruin your life? I really don’t want to know.

Did you ever feel bad for Tom and Sylvester? Jerry and Tweety did often tease and provoke. You can’t help but feel kinda bad for Tom and Sylvester sometimes. 

[lolita-tips]

Where have I been?

I originally wrote this up as a script intended for a youtube video explaining where I’ve been and why I haven’t been keeping up with things very well but I haven’t been able to bring myself to get in front of a camera. I thought I would at least make it into a post to sort of give you all an idea of what’s going on. I’ll put it all under a read-more though since it turned out pretty long.

Hi, I’m Averie. I’m 26 years old and I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about my life lately. I’ve been running Lolita Tips for eight years now but in the last year or so I’ve been a bit removed from it, definitely more than I’d like to be and I sort of feel guilty about it. I keep trying to tell myself that I shouldn’t feel bad, but it’s important to me and there are a lot of people I feel like I’m letting down by not posting more regularly. I guess I just want to talk a bit about where I’ve been and what I’ve been going through. 

Last year I officially moved out of my parents’ place and into my boyfriend’s house. Really it was his parents’ house and for the first few months we actually lived here with them which was a bit of a nightmare for a while, but as of April we’ve officially taken on the mortgage and they moved to Florida. When I moved in I started my first ever full-time job and it has really tested me. It’s nowhere near what I’d like to be doing with my life but as they say, it puts food on the table. I’m a claims adjuster for an auto insurance company which means my job consists of sitting in a cubical making phone calls all day and paying people to fix their cars after accidents. This job has really been putting me under a lot of stress. First of all, I’ve always had pretty bad anxiety when it comes to making phone calls, and after over a year at this job, that still hasn’t changed. Having to spend most of my day doing something that makes me so anxious leaves me really drained by the end of it. Add to it the facts that a lot of the people I have to talk to are in a bad mood, often times I’m calling to give them bad news (“You’re at fault for this accident”, “Your car is a total loss,” etc.), and I’m handling over 100 claims at any given time. So most of the time all I want to do when I get home is lay on the couch and do nothing. I wish I was in a position right now to quit this job but I’ve searched up and down for something else and there’s just nothing close to me that would make any sort of financial sense.

When I do have days where I feel like I can actually get something done, a lot of my time is spent working on the house. As I said before, we bought this house from my boyfriend’s parents and it was pretty dated. I’m someone who likes old things, I collect antiques and often dress in vintage styles, but dingy carpet from the 80s and floral wallpaper that’s probably even older aren’t exactly our taste. So we’ve been taking on a lot of home improvement projects and a lot of the time we sort of feel like we’ve bitten off more than we can chew, particularly when it comes to our budget and stamina. As artsy as I may be, I’ve learned that I hate painting walls so even though we started in December, our living room is only about a third of the way painted. I’m also learning that one of the biggest struggles of being a homeowner is just keeping up with the mess, especially with a dog and two cats, all of whom shed like crazy. And it would be easier if we could do all of this together, but my boyfriend and I have such different work schedules that it’s rare for us to have a same day off to work together. It also just seems like this house has one problem after another. A few months ago we had a leak and had to replace the roof. Now our basement is flooding and we have to tear out the walls of what is supposed to become our craft room. It’s hard to make the house beautiful when you keep having to spend all your resources making it functional.

Everything that has been going on in my life has left me feeling very overwhelmed. It may not seem like a lot from the outside, but when your head is constantly full of “Paint this, sweep this, scrub this, shit I forgot to send that check, how many boxes do I still have to unpack? Is this ours or his parents? Did I schedule an appraiser to look at that car? Holy shit the garden is overgrown where did all these weeds come from I swear we just pulled them out a week ago!” It’s daunting. And it has really had a negative impact on my mental health. I thought my life was going to be grand when I moved out of my parents’ house! I was going to be close to a big city, living with the person I love, and finally feeling like a real adult. But this really is more than I bargained for. It feels like all I really did was trade in the stress and anxiety of a long-distance relationship for the stress of a terrible job and a house that still doesn’t feel like my own. People keep telling me things like “That’s life!” and “Welcome to adulthood!” but I know adulthood isn’t all suffering! I know plenty of adults who have jobs they love and free time to  do stuff that makes them happy, but I feel like I’m stuck in an endless cycle of five-day work weeks, evenings where I’m too depressed and tired to leave the couch, and weekends where I try to cram in as many chores as possible. And thinking about it makes me more depressed! I studied theatre in college, I wanted to be a playwright, I STILL want to be a playwright. I also want to own an antique store, make and sell clothes, travel the country working renaissance faires, any number of things would make me happy; but it feels like any time I have some time to work toward one of my dreams there’s always something more important. 

A few months ago I went to a convention in Pittsburgh. It was the first time I’ve worn Lolita in a long time and it was exciting because there were going to be some big Lolita guests. I told myself I was going to face my fears. I was going to introduce myself to members of my new local Lolita community for the first time since moving here, but I came to the con by myself and the longer it went on, the more alone I felt. I thought it would be great going to all the panels I wanted to see and not basing my schedule on anyone else, but seeing everyone with their friends having a good time brought all these ugly thoughts into my head. I thought, “I’ll never be able to have close Lolita friends like that”, “I’ll never be able to make a living doing the things I love like these designers and Youtubers”, “What kind of Lolita blogger am I if I can’t even go up to other lolitas and introduce myself?” At one point after a panel I went to the bathroom and I heard a group of lolitas whos voices and names I recognized come in. All at once my brain was flooded with “Not good enough”s. I’m not pretty enough, my coord isn’t cute enough, I can’t possibly go out there and interact with these queens. So I locked myself in the stall and waited until everyone left while I cried quietly.

A few hours later there was another lolita panel that was a lot of fun and I had a good laugh and actually sort of felt like I was part of something for a moment. But after that was the J-fashion social. I spent all day trying to convince myself to be brave and not let my anxiety get the better of me, but that was a battle that I quickly lost. I went out onto one of the balconies of the convention center, pacing back and forth while I tried to gather my courage, but the “not good enough”s just came flooding back and I cried harder than I had cried in a long time. The meetup came and went in a panel room behind me as I stared into the night sky of the city that didn’t know I existed. No friends to comfort me, boyfriend at another convention working a booth, and family hours away. I felt completely and utterly alone. But that night I told myself that I was going to make a change. Something, anything, to make my life better.

I know that I can’t cure my depression, or my anxiety. I know that there’s something wrong with my brain and that I’m always going to have bad days and good days, but I also know that I at least owe it to myself to try and turn things around. I may be depressed, but I’d rather be depressed and do things that I love than allow things to continue on the way they have been. After all, I’m the most important person in my life. Nobody will ever be more fundamental to my own happiness than myself.  

I can’t exactly say that I have a plan, but I can say that I’ve been trying. I’ve actually spent a lot of time lately rediscovering things that once brought me joy that I fell out of for one reason or another. For example, I’ve recently started listening to My Chemical Romance again. I remember listening to them as a moody teen who just wanted to seem dark and edgy but going back and listening to the same songs as an adult hits me in a different way. They’re so full of emotion and passion and words that my mind likes to cling to like “I am not afraid to keep on living.” I also recently started watching the Vlog Brothers again. Their channel and pretty much everything they were part of were huge influences on me in high school and early in college so I was really happy to see that they’re still doing stuff. They always help me to remember that even though the world may be a big dumpster fire right now, there are still good people doing good things and there are still a lot of things worth living for. I’ve been working a lot on bettering my life in a lot of ways; I’ve been trying to embrace the Konmari method while working on our house and I’ve been watching a lot of youtube channels about being better with money and spending a lot of time watching ASMR to just try and relax. 

I still have a long way to go, and I know I’m still going to struggle, but I’m thankful to those of you who have stuck with me and will continue to be with me on this journey. Whenever I get on tumblr and see that I still get messages in my inbox it helps me to remember that I am not entirely alone. I know this was sort of a lot, I’m not someone who normally pours my heart out like this, to be honest talking about my mental health makes me worry that I’ll come off as whiney and it makes me pretty nervous, but I felt that I owed it to all of you to explain what’s been going on and I felt that I owed it to myself to get it all out there. Thanks to all of you who have stuck with me through it all. I hope to start making changes in my life get back to making this blog something worth sticking around for.

[youwerenevermeanttofeelalone]

Gladly | Bucky Barnes

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Plus Size Reader

Word Count: 1.8k

Modern AU

Summary: you receive an unexpected call while on a very well-needed vacation.

Request: do you listen to asmr boyfriend roleplay (on yt)? Some of them would be great as fics.

Warnings: mentions of alcohol, surely language, fluff, mentions of panic and anxiety, like a single sexual mention.

Based off these YouTube videos: one two | Gif credit @sebastiansource

❖︎・・・・・❖︎・・・・・❖︎・・・・・❖︎

Slipping his cellphone into his back pocket, Bucky took a seat on a stool. The bar wasn’t too crowded anymore yet the snippets of chatter, the clinking of glasses and the sounds of pool balls clashing livened up the place.

Sam and Steve hadn’t stopped teasing him since he said he’d call his friend. Sam couldn’t shut up about it, making question after question.

“You guys aren’t going to let this go, huh?” Bucky sighed heavily, motioning for them to allow him to take his shot. His friends watched him in expectancy. “Man,” he sighed. “Yes, I have feelings for her.”

“I knew it!”

“Shut up, Wilson,” Bucky barked.

Steve stifled a laugh, “I did too, Buck.”

“Is it that obvious?” He asked, scared of their answer. Both his friends nodded their heads. “I hope she hasn’t noticed, she’s my best friend! No offense to you guys but she’s... just different.”

Bucky asked for a beer, wanting to have something in his hands, needing it before going insane. Steve must’ve known what it meant because he stopped Sam from pressuring Bucky to continue speaking. Once the bottle was in his grasp and he had taken a sip, he told them the rest.

“I can be actually me with her and not feel like I have to hold back like how I am right now with you but better because with her it happens always and I’ve never felt that with other people, that’s a big reason why I like her. I’m comfortable being me, she makes me like myself and it doesn’t feel right if I don’t talk to her, if I don’t see her....”

“Why don’t you tell her?” Steve inquired as to if the solution was in Bucky’s hands. Oh, how Bucky wished.

Every time people said the two of you should date he had to play coy when the only thing he wanted was to tell you that he was up for it if you wanted, that he wanted to give you the world if you let him. If only it was that easy.

“I don’t wanna ruin what we have, Stevie. It’s a good thing. Imagine if she doesn’t feel the same?” Bucky changed his voice to emphasize, “hey, best friend who I wanna secretly make out with! Light of my eyes! Highlight of my existence!” He traced the bottle up and down with his index and middle fingers, catching its sweat. “You see what I’m getting at here? I’ve thought of laying it all out on the table and just— I’m scared of losing her. It’s my worst nightmare. We have a good connection, why would I do anything to jeopardize that when she’s the best thing that has ever happened to me?” He choked up at the end, inwardly cursing for opening up that much.

“You okay?” Steve and Sam asked at the same time.

“I’m fine,” Bucky rasped, “I’m gonna take a cab home.” He withdrew his cellphone, sobering up upon looking at the screen “shit! Oh, fuck!”

“What did you do, dumbass?”

“Shut the fuck up, Wilson!” He exclaimed, in panic.

Fuck, how he could be so dumb to butt-dial you? Putting the phone on his ear, he swallowed saliva. “Uh... hi.” A nervous laugh escaped him. “Uhm, how much of that did you hear?”

You sat up on the bed, placing your free hand on your chest as the beating of your heart thickened to the point where you were 40% sure you were in the brink of a panic attack out of how much adrenaline was pumping through your veins. Still, you confessed, “all of it.

“Great,” he gritted, “fucking great.”

“Is it true?” You mumbled the question, not wanting to get ideas into your head.

“Every word,” he breathed.

“Say it.”

“Say what?”

“How you feel,” you instructed him, looking up at the yellow sunray hitting the ceiling due to the window’s angle.

Bucky breathed a laugh, “I’m in love with you.”

❖︎・・・・・❖︎・・・・・❖︎・・・・・❖︎

Bucky cursed under his breath. He was the biggest dumbass he knew, not even Sam was at his level of stupidity. He was sure now the spectrum for dumbassery would be from one to Bucky and he had to learn how to live with it.

He always forgot to do things, you often told him he needed to be more organized — he was getting better but he had a long way to go. He should’ve bought that spare phone charger to keep in the car like you had told him to, he also should’ve changed his car’s battery like you also had told him to. And because he hadn’t done what you told him, because he was a dumbass, you were trapped in the middle of nowhere in a dead car.

“I’m sorry,” he sighed, closing the door as he got back into the car, “I imagine this isn’t how you wanted your night back to go.”

You let out a small laugh, “it’s okay.”

“You’re not mad?”

“No, it’s not your fault.”

He shrugged, “I dunno, part of me thinks you are. At least I am mad at myself.”

“That’s enough punishment, Bucky. Besides, the night is nice.”

It truly was, the weather wasn’t too chilly nor warm at all. Although you were in the middle of nowhere you weren’t bothered, you never got to be surrounded by so much nature, there were even fireflies that you hadn’t seen since you were a teenager.

There wasn’t anyone you would rather be stuck in the middle of nowhere than with Bucky. It probably was a good thing that you were, that way the topic couldn’t be avoided.

You had been anxious to get back after his call. You still didn’t quite believe it to be true, what could he have seen in you? A part of you thought he had been talking about someone else and had lied to you to spare your feelings — it wouldn’t be the first time someone feigned being attracted to you, that seemed to be a common experience in fat folks.

“Are we acknowledging the elephant in the room?”

Bucky stuttered, swallowing the excess of saliva he had started producing out of nervousness when the car died. “I was hoping you wouldn’t want to talk about that. I’m scared of what’s going to happen if we do.”

“Why? What do you want?”

“What do you mean?”

You clarified, “what do you want from me?”

“It’s... hard not to think about you. I don’t mean it sexually— I mean,” he huffed, “that too, but I’m talking about your feelings. What you want, what you need, how awkward this is, do you hate me? Are you moving out of the country because you don’t want to have me near you? I wouldn’t blame you—“ he stopped himself to take a breath, he was sure you wouldn’t judge him.

Bucky couldn’t remember the last time he had been so nervous, the first time he had to go to the doctor by himself was close, after all, he remembered being terrified, but that had been different. His happiness hadn’t depended on that, or the most important person in his life, or his motivation to put up with himself and others. It wasn’t always easy for him to stay focused, how messy the world was didn’t help, but you always had a way of encouraging him — to be better, kinder, more patient, to sometimes not be too selfless, to give his best.

“I wanna be your boyfriend,” he dared to let it out. All of it. “I want to do cute coupley shit with you, hold your hand, have my arm around you all the time, kiss the back of your hand while we drive like in the movies and go on dates and do romantic stuff for you. Prepare a candlelit dinner that I cooked myself after I put up with Sam’s cooking lessons because my cuisine sucks at the moment. And like... drive you to work or pick you up from work and go visit your parents with you and cuddle you at night and...” he breathed in, deeply, hoping he hadn’t fucked it all up. “That’s what I want.”

“I want that too,”

“Don’t just say that, (Y/N). You don’t have to spare my feelings.”

“James,” you said sternly. He finally looked at you in the eyes. “I want you. I feel the same way as you.”

“Since when?!” He blurted.

“Since the beginning.” Who wouldn’t have fallen for him upon merely meeting him? Bucky was gorgeous and so nice one thought to be dreaming when in his presence.

“Are you fucking kidding me? All this time all I had to do was tell you?”

You nodded, pursing your lips to keep your laugh in for you didn’t want him to think you were making fun of him.

“I was too scared to tell you how I felt. I love you, being friends is awesome but this is not platonic love, it hasn’t been for a long time. I figured that if I fucked it up there was no going back and I didn’t want to lose you, that’s why I waited so long”

“You technically didn’t—“

He shushed you. “I know, I know it was an accident. Don’t remind me. I think I’m gonna pass out soon from the adrenaline I’m feeling, is that normal? I just feel so happy!”

“Are you drunk again?”

“No. I am always happy with you but right now I’m at another level.” He said it easily like he was talking about the weather.

You marveled at it. How open he was with you — you shouldn’t have been surprised after everything you had heard him say to and about you, yet there you were in sheer awe of how comfortable he was around you, how free.

He cleared his throat. “Uhmmm... this might be awkward, and you can say no, but can I kiss you?” You nodded, saying yes verbally. Bucky continued talking, “ I’ve been nonstop thinking about kissing you since I saw you get off the plane. Are you sure? You’re not doing this just to patronize me?”

You were about to explode. “Kiss me already, Barnes.”

He leaned in, hovering over the console of the car. Bucky placed his hand on the side of your face, he had the intention of teasing you but he didn’t have the patience himself at that moment. He covered your lips with his, heavily so, devouring your mouth as he kissed you with everything he had to give. You kissed back as passionately, taking him by the collar of his jacket.

“Does this mean we’re a thing now? I don’t know,” he asked through a huff, “I wasn’t expecting this to happen. I’m lost. I don’t know what to do. I did not plan for this.”

“Just kiss me again.”

“Gladly.”