#boy howdy I need to buckle down and keep writing

[inonibird]

Sahuldeem/Kaleesh Q&A #7

Already so many questions after starting Part Three! I’ve done my best to answer them... (questions bold; answers italic)

—

Sorry if this may be unwelcome, but I stumbled across your account after finally deciding to look up Grievous’s backstory via legends and rushing to find even an ounce of Ronderu content- you have successfully launched me down a pit of absolute insanity and pain because of it. You’re art is so satisfying to stare at and the writing?? So gut wrenchingly well constructed and easy to lose yourself in. Luckily for myself, I’ve managed to drag someone down with me :) Never thought I’d be considering Grievous to be in my top 5 favorite Star Wars characters but HERE WE ARE- Oh no, this sort of message is VERY welcome! :’) Thank you so much, I’m glad to have dragged you into Grievous’ Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Backstory and I hope you continue to read and enjoy!

So I have a question…does the story end before the clone wars? I saw an old post you made divided into six segments, the last one of a Bathda tank. Will you continue until his death on utapu? Sahuldeem follows Grievous all the way up until the end of his story. We’ll see that Bacta tank. We’ll see the Clone Wars. We’ll see Utapau. However, the events that we’ve already watched/read about in both Canon and Legends materials (i.e. the Clone Wars shows, Labyrinth of Evil, ROTS, etc.) are not going to be…y’know…recreated in their bloody entirety for my fic. Expect some montage-like treatment of certain events. Unsurprisingly, I want to focus on the stuff we didn’t get to see.

What’s a tuudbaraa? Stay tuned for Chapter 4 of Part Three - Sahuldeem.

Since you said you had another pronounciation in mind for Grievous' real name, I'm kinda curious. I would've pronounced both "Qymaen" and "Sheelal" exactly the same as in the Lego Halloween thingie (still confused about "jai" sounding like "hai" tho). Would love to hear your thoughts! You can find the answer to that here.

Enough discourse on the pronunciation of Qymaen jai Sheelal— how do you pronounce Bentilais san Sk'ar? Do you pronounce it ben-TIL-ay-iss? BEN-ti-lace? ben-ti-LIE-iss? (Or like French— ben-ti-LAY?) Do you put an audible glottal stop in Sk'ar? There's literally no source on this, what's your take ben-tih-LAY-iss, and despite my laughable attempts to enunciate the glottal stop in Sk’ar, I like to think it’s there.

I have to ask; what do you think the predators of Kalee looked like? I know mumuus and karabbacs were probably impressive if their skulls were made into masks, but it seems like their heads were on the small side? I know it’s not the size that matters but I just want to know more about them just from the way you draw everyone’s masks. I’ve talked a little bit about Kaleesh creatures and kakmusmal, but perhaps one thing I’ve never made clear is that I imagine the Kaleesh, in taking the skull of a mumuu/karabbac/etc. to make into a bonemask, are not usually just picking up the whole skull and making minimal modifications before slapping it on. They carve and shape them considerably to suit Kaleesh faces. Qymaen’s mask is just a portion of the mumuu’s skull; it’s a big honkin’ animal. Other masks incorporate tusks/horns of the original animal, but often they have to be reattached after the masks have been personalized. But yeah…that’s just how I’ve pictured it working.

Did Ronderu have a dream about meeting Qymaen? I mean she was in the Kunbal tu hunt a mumuu and she met him ... with a mumuu mask. Was it a coincindence that she was hunting right there at the right time or did she dream something too? She was simply where she was at the time. Qymaen was the one whose symbolic and prophetic dream led him to go seek her out.

Hey Inoni, will you include the Izvoshra member which belonged to the same race of hunters as Ronderu? Love your design of Bentilais and Levantis btw. Well…assuming we’re looking at the same source, here…let’s just say that while you focus on “same race of hunters as Ronderu” I focus more on “shipwrecked on Grendaju”. ;P …Anyway, stay tuned for Chapter 3 of Part Three - Sahuldeem. ....Oh shit that’s soon. Dalibor lig Nemur's got an interesting name. I wonder how much of it was intentional— Obviously, lig harkens back to the Lig sword, which we know is named after the tribe known for crafting them; Dalibor is a Slavic name meaning "to fight far away" which, if intentional, suggests he's as handy with a cannon as he is with a sword; is Nemur a reference to Captain Nemo? I don’t think I put as much thought into his name as you did within this ask! I wanted to give someone the background of being from the Lig Clan, and I like picking out the occasional Slavic name (honestly just enjoyed the sound of it) alongside the usual Sumerian (Nemur = glowing coals/fire, a more ambiguous earned name than most, but evocative IMO).

Did you take SWTOR into consideration while developing Sahuldeem? If so, how does it fit with your timeline of Kalee’s development? I’ve never played SWTOR and have only read about it, but I don’t believe there’s information in the game that would contradict anything that would be included in Kalee’s Wookieepedia. I believe the only reference I’ve specifically made is when Ronderu meets her first human and reflects that she’s heard stories of them “from the ancient legends of the Galactic War” (and more recently the Bitthævrian conflict). Anyway, hmm. I guess it’s my understanding that this was such a long time ago that current Kaleesh would feel quite distanced from the events of SWTOR. From the sound of it, Kaleesh were enslaved and taken offworld for a period of time, and probably continued to be taken for generations, but, with Kalee being on the edge of Wild Space, this wasn’t happening in huge numbers or frequently enough for the galaxy at large to keep tabs on their planet and species. You’d get the odd band of slavers or curious traders who’d stop by over the next few thousand years, but, looking at the map, you would really need to go out of your way to get there (I talk a bit more about hyperspace lanes in the fic soon). Meanwhile, Kalee was a pretty volatile place in terms of intertribal conflict and the conquering of clans, so while many ancestors were revered and remembered, other details were violently scrubbed from their own history. Things drifted into stories and legend. So the Kaleesh kept living in their relatively intact, isolated bubble with minimal outside contact for centuries, only to have it burst pretty dramatically by first the Galactic Republic during the Bitthævrian conflict (who were probably like, “Oh, ok, HERE’S Kalee, can someone mark it on this star chart before we forget it again?”), and then of course by the invading Huk (who were going out of their way to find planets to conquer). Does...does that all make sense? Egh. x_x I’m sure there’s much more to consider; I’m fairly content leaving it at that and focusing on Qymaen’s era.

What happened to Ronderu´s cloak and her Lig swords? Did Qy keep them or were they burned and used for a ceremony? This will be directly addressed in the story. I’d say “stay tuned for [chapter]”, but in the original script this isn’t brought up until Part Five. We’ll see if I push it earlier.

Honestly though I’d love to recommend Sahuldeem to someone who knows absolutely nothing about Grievous’ backstory and not tell them it’s a fanfic so they’re like eight chapters in and they go “Wait this is Star Wars” and then several chapters later they’re like “QYMAEN IS GENERAL GRIEVOUS?????” I, too, would love to somehow see this happen! xD

[p-artsypants]

Much Obliged

Inspired by @bugaboo-n-bananoir‘s amazing Cowboy!Adrien and Witch!Marinette Au. 

I’m probably going to write more to this later. It’s just too funny.

Ao3

---

Everyone deals with grief differently. Some take to drinking, others devote themselves to charity.

Adrien Agreste? Well, he became a cowboy.

It wasn’t a spur of the moment decision either. He had always been obsessed with American Westerns. Especially John Wayne. He practically worshipped the man.

He had a collection of hats, boots, spurs, and chaps. He had his favorite bolo tie, and every summer for two weeks, he helped out at his uncle���s ranch in the countryside, where he learned a thing or two about riding horses, lassoing, and other things his father would probably have heart attack over if he knew.

Yes, Adrien was obsessed with Cowboys and the Cowboy lifestyle.

So much so, that when he lost this mother, and subsequently emotionally lost his father, his closeted obsession became very public.

A 14 year old boy walking around with cowboy boots, hat, spurs and occasional chaps wouldn’t have been as jarring if they were in Texas. But given they were in the middle of Paris, France...he pretty much stuck out as a sore thumb. Even more so in the circles his father was included in. Sprinkling in a few ‘yeehaw’s, ‘howdy’s, and ‘pardner’s into his French was also pretty jarring.

And a complete embarrassment to his father, Gabriel Agreste, fashion icon.

“Adrien, I insist you stop this foolishness!” Gabriel said one day, after Adrien had turned up to a photo shoot in full gear.

“I cain’t pa!” Adrien yelled back. “It’s in my blood!”

“Stop talking like that! You don’t have a Texan accent!”

“I reckon I do!”

For a year, the arguments would continue, getting louder and louder until Adrien would plug his ears and start yodeling to drown his father out.

Eventually, they came to an agreement. Adrien would pretend to be like every normal Parisian at photo shoots, fashion shows, and big events. But he could continue to be a Cowboy at home without being reprimanded.

It worked for a while, really in Gabriel’s favor. The brief appearances of Cowboy Adrien in the past were written off as a phase.

But then Adrien demanded to go to school.

“I’m tired of bein’ cooped up here like a chicken! I want to go out and meet other folks!”

“You’re not like other folks! Er—other people!” Gabriel argues back. “You’re...special.”

“Sir, if I may?” Nathalie, Gabriel’s Stoic secretary spoke up. “Perhaps Adrien attending public school would be a good thing. It might encourage him to…drop some habits.”

Begrudgingly, Gabriel agreed, and Adrien was off to school.

Being homeschooled most of his life, Adrien didn’t have many friends. But he did have Chloe, who tolerated his Cowboy-ness with some degree of skepticism. She was never vocal about it, but she did secretly judge him, worry for his sanity. It was her school, her class, that he was transferring into today.

She waited for him at the front door, frowning slightly when she saw him exit the sedan with a white hat, flannel shirt, jeans, boots, and a wide belt buckle with a bronco on it.

But she smiled once he made eye-contact with her. After all, he was still very famous, and very handsome. “Howdy Chloe.”

“Oh yee-haw Adrikins!” She sang, clinging to his arm. “I’m so glad your father let you finally come to school!”

“Me too! But I reckon he just got annoyed with me practicing my rope tricks in the foyer all the time. The other day I lassoed a vase and smashed it. Not too happy ‘bout that, he was.”

“Oh, like he couldn’t buy a hundred more,” she waved her hand. “Come with me! I’ll show you to your seat!”

Upon entering the school, Adrien was suddenly bombarded with fans asking for autographs. It seemed everyone was just taking his attire for an interesting choice of fashion. That was what Chloe was hoping for.

But as soon as he started tipping his hat as a reply to ‘thank you’s, she started to see the eyebrows rising. People were suspicious. Maybe they’d just think it was part of the look. Yeah…maybe…

—

Marinette was not having a great day. Not a bad day though! Just not great. For one thing, she heard that Chloe Bourgeois was going to be in her class again this year. Again. Seriously, did Chloe ask to put in the same class on purpose? It was totally unfair!

But she was wearing her favorite black dress today, one that was enchanted to have a galaxy glittering on it, and if you looked closely, you could see it moving. It made her feel powerful, and not at all like the half-washed witch that she was. Sure she knew a few spells, but nothing very powerful, or life changing.

And certainly no curses, like Chloe told everyone she did. Hexes, yes, but not curses. Curses were powerful and crippling and permanent, even down bloodlines. Hexes would pass over time, like a bad pimple or excessive farting. Not really something she could claim as her work.

So that in laid the problem. A girl that calls herself a witch, but doesn’t really have the power to show it? Might as well paint a giant target on the forehead with a sign that said, “I’m delusional, please laugh at me!”

But things were going to be different this year! She was going to stand up for herself and she was going to prove she could do magic!

“Are you ready for school, Marinette?” A sweet voice, her familiar Tikki, asked.

“As ready as I’ll ever be. Let’s go!” She beckoned the ladybug-like fairy into her purse.

But immediately after leaving her parents bakery with a box of macrons to share, she was knocked off balance by a cyclist and dropped the box. Thirteen smashed macrons on the ground.

“This is an ill omen.” She stated gravely.

“Yes, but you still have seven good ones left in the box!” Tikki reassured.

Marinette smirked. “Then lets get to school before I spill them all!”

Only a minute later did she crash again, this time only breaking one cookie. The person she ran into was another girl, a student like her.

“I’m so sorry!” Marinette stated, helping the girl to her feet. “I’m so clumsy!”

“That’s alright clumsy girl.” Said the newbie. “I’m Alya.”

“I’m Marinette! You must be new here, right?”

“Yep! I’m starting in Miss Bustier’s class. How about you?”

“I’m in her class too!”

“Oh lucky break! I’m horrible with talking to new people on my own. Thanks for the ice breaker!” She laughed.

Marinette gave her a flat look. “Well, see if I ever purposely run into you again.”

Alya just laughed more. “You’re funny! Let’s sit together, and then you can give me the low down on the hierarchy of the class.”

“Hierarchy?”

“Yeah, like who’s popular, who’s at the bottom of the totem pole.”

“Oh that’s easy. I’m at the bottom!”

“No way! How? You’re so nice!”

“Well…” might as well bite the bullet. If she could tell the new kid first before someone else did, maybe she’d have a chance. “I’m sort of…a witch.”

“A witch?”

“Yeah…like…” She snapped her fingers and a small flame ignited on her thumb.

“Wow! That’s so cool! Can you teach me!?”

“Well…I’m not very good. I’m still learning.”

“Aren’t we all? I’m training to be a journalist, but I know I’m not good enough to work for any papers, except maybe the school paper. But I can teach you about inverted pyramids!”

“Sounds like a plan!” Marinette laughed. “But let’s get to class before we’re late on the first day!”

“Awesome! Day one and I already have a new best friend!”

—

Once they reached the classroom, Chloe let out a sigh of relief. She was queen here, and no one would say a thing to Adrien as long as she was around.

“This is your seat, Adrikins!” She gestured to the place right in the front row. “And I sit right behind you, so you can talk to me whenever you need to!”

“Much obliged, Chloe.”

“Oh! You want to see something hilarious?”

“You know I’m always up for a rip roaring good time!”

“Then watch!” She spat out her gum, and then held the wad out to Sabrina, who then placed the gum on the bench adjacent to Adrien. They they both started giggling.

“Why Chloe!” Adrien frowned at his longtime friend. “That’s low down, and dishonest. Why’d you do a thing like that?”

“It had to be done, Adrien. The girl who sits here is a practicing witch. We had to keep her in her place, or she’ll get too cocky and curse us all!”

“One of them spell casters?”

“Yep! A ‘bonafide witch’!” She put it in quotation marks.

“Well, I’ll be.” He knelt, and started to pick at the gum. “I’d think if you’d have a witch in your midst, you’d want to keep her happy, or else she’d hex you in revenge!”

“It was a joke Adrien! She doesn’t know any magic! She just thinks she does!”

“Ahem!” A small voice cleared her throat from behind him.

Adrien turned around to face a girl who was small in frame. She was adorable, with her black hair in pigtails, and a black dress full of a moving galaxy of stars. But her bluebell eyes shined with anger.

Adrien stood and raised the brim of his hat to her. “Begging your pardon, ma’am, but this isn’t what it looks like!”

“Yeah right, Clint Eastwood. Dealing with Chloe was hard enough, now I gotta deal with two of you!?”

“It really wasn’t—“

“First you steal my usual seat, and now you had to go and ruin my new one!”

“Please listen…”

“Forget it! Just—sit your chap-less ass over there and leave me alone!”

Adrien did as he was told, sliding into the bench next to another boy. Adrien sighed, resting his head on his hand.

“Tough break,” said the other boy. “What’s with the…get up?”

Adrien flicked his eyes over to his bench mate, a kid with glasses, headphones, and a red cap on. He didn’t have the gumption to reply with his usual vigor. “I’m a cowboy.”

“Oh.” Said the boy. “All the time?”

“Yep.”

“Oh…cool.”

Soon enough, the teacher arrived and called roll. Unfortunately, Adrien was too caught up in his gloom to realize what was happening, and his neighbor had to nudge him when his name was called.

“Pre-sent!” Adrien stood, raising his hand in the air.

The class laughed behind him.

Adrien sat back down, pulling his hat down to hide his face.

“Eager, are we?” Asked the other kid.

“Er, a wee, I reckon. Never been to school before. Never had any friends ‘cept Chloe.”

“Dude, that’s rough. Sounds like you need to make new friends! I’m Nino. Nice to meet you!”

“Pleasure to make your acquaintance, Niño.”

“It’s Nino.”

“That’s what I said.”

Nino quirked his lip. “Dude, if you want to get in good with everyone, I’d make up with Marinette.”

“Who?”

Nino pointed at the girl across the aisle from him.

“The witch?”

“Aw, did Chloe call her that?”

“I mean, isn’t she one? She looks all magical like.”

“I mean…she’s got some slight of hand stuff, and she’s got some pretty good hunches, but I wouldn’t call her a witch.”

Adrien flicked the brim of his hat. “Well, I’ll be.”

“Seriously dude, you always talk like that?”

“Sure! Why wouldn’t I?”

“Are you like, from Texas?”

“No sir, native Parisan, born and raised!”

Nino squinted at him. “Then why…?”

“Just a pure bred Cowboy, don’t matter where you come from. It’s what’s in your heart.”

“Oh, he’s corny too.”

—

After school, Marinette stood at the steps of the school, the rain pattering against the sidewalk in a downpour. True, her house was just around the corner, but it was coming down pretty hard.

“If only I knew weather changing spells.” She lamented.

“You do! You can make it rain!” Said Tikki from her purse.

“Yeah, over someone’s head! But I don’t think that’s going to do us any good here.”

“Don’t look like it’ll let up soon, I s’pose.” Said a man’s voice from behind her.

Marinette hunched her shoulders and turned away from him.

“Aw shucks, I was lookin’ to patch things up, considering I didn’t make a mash with you back there.”

“If you’re here to tease me again, then you can right on your merry way.”

“I’m not here to give you a hard time, Little Lady. I promise, I was trying to take the gum off, not put it on. Chloe was the one responsible for that. I didn’t want to get on your bad side.”

“Why? Because I’m a witch?” She bit.

“Well you are, ain’tcha?”

She turned to face him, her lips thin. “I’m as much of a witch as you are a cowboy.”

He nodded, “That’s what I thought, darlin’. And I only meant I wanted to catch your good side, only on account I got not many friends. Chloe, and now Niño—“

“Nino.”

“That’s what I said.”

She smiled.

“And I don’t like to make enemies. Let’s start again, ah? I’m Adrien, Adrien Agreste.”

“Son of Gabriel Agreste.” She added.

“Ah, so you heard of me? Famously or infamously?”

“Alya mentioned it, actually. I’m a fan of your father’s work, as a designer. I didn’t recognize you from the ads.”

“Reckon you wouldn’t. My old man doesn’t let me wear comfortable clothes on set.” He smirked, “But your name, My Lady?”

“I’m Marinette.”

“Marinette. I like it. Like a doll.”

Now that the miscommunication was over, Marinette started to feel her chest warm at his presence. His manner of speaking made her felt safe. And he sure was cute!

“You know, I was wonderin’. If you’re a witch, why don’tcha got a big ole’ hat?”

“Oh,” she grew slightly solemn. “I did have one. But I lost it last time I went flying.” Then she winced, realizing he might not believe her.

“Flying? Like on a broomstick and everythin’?”

“Yes.”

“Well, that sounds mighty nice. Real nice. I wish I could ride a broomstick. I barely get to ride a horse! No where to hitch em in Paris! But a broom, why, you could just stand it up in a corner when you’re done!”

He wasn’t laughing at her. In fact, he looked genuinely interested. “I could take you sometime, out for a flight?”

“Would you? That’d be swell!” He beamed at her, setting her heart fluttering. “Here, since your hat is missing.” He took off his hat and placed it on her head, ever so carefully. “Can’t let you melt in the rain, Miss Witch.”

“Melt? Like the Wicked Witch of the West? Are you calling me wicked?”

“Never dream of it, My Lady! I told you I didn’t want to cross you. I don’t need no hexes. I left all my hexes in Texas.”

The look she gave him at that comment had him bowled over in laughter.

She couldn’t help but join him.

By time they collected themselves, a silver sedan pulled up to the curb. “Well, looks like my hoss is here. Keep the hat, Marinette. I looks mighty nice on you.”

“T-Thanks!” She stuttered.

“See you tomorrow, My Lady!” He called as he ran into the rain.

“T-tomorrow! Yes! I—wow, why am I stuttering?”

“I think I reckon!” Tikki chirped, from her bag.  

“Oh shush!”

[maddgarbagemonkey]

I Just Saw the Wicked 2019 Touring Cast and Boy Howdy, am I excited to Rant! (All Good things!)

There's a lot so buckle up your seatbealts!

So, first off, this was my first time seeing the show *cough cough* legally *cough* and I was amazed.

I instantly fell in love with the big metal dragon and nearly screamed when it moved and started blowing smoke out of its nose, as my Grandpa lied and told me, even though he's seen it 4 times, that the dragon was just decoration.

I love that the first solid 5 minutes of the show are just winged monkeys running around on the stage and looking concerned at one another before the opening number starts.

Glinda, played by Erin Mackey, was my WIFE.

During her first speaking part of "No one Mourns the Wicked," she got stuck on her big metal bubble and the ensemble had to crowd around her to help her get off, which, because coming off of the bubble was her cue to continue, led to a really long silence. But it kinda fit and showed that she hesitated to celebrate Elphaba's death so yeah! I just thought it was adorable and I admire how she was able to turn it into a cool window into her character!

When Elphaba, played by Mariand Torres, entered we all screamed for a solid 3 minutes and, after seeing her performance, she deserved a solid 8 more. I loved her so much!

I loved her early performance of Elphaba at Shiz because she played her as an angry little bean that snapped at everyone and everything instead of just shy and quiet and it worked so well, especially with how overprotective she was of Nyssa.

A girl literally faints upon seeing Elphaba and I can relate cause she was SO PRETTY!

Mariand's "Wizard and I" was so powerful and emotional at the same time I just wanted to pick her up and keep her! <3

THE 👏 GLINDA 👏 AND 👏 ELPHABA👏 HEIGHT👏 DIFFERENCE!

Usually you see Elphaba portrayed as tall while Glinda is shorter but, because Mariand was a tiny angel and Erin was a tall goddess who literally towered over Fierro without heels, it was quite the opposite and I l o v e d every second of "What is this Feeling" because of it.

I would die for tiny little ball of angry Elphaba and Tall, regal, princess Glinda holding her back from fighting everyone who dares look at them funny and you can pry them out of my cold dead hands.

Mariand did the thing where she mimicked Glinda for the "Your Voice" line and made it extra squeaky and I died.

She also, whenever Glinda had her back turned, copied her with a stupid little kicking dance and tossed her hair way too frantically and I fell in love.

For the "boo", Elphaba had to look directly up and jump at Glinda because she was so short and I squealed

Oh my God. C U R T. H A N S E N. This man was in Big Time Rush and I can not picture Fierro's entrance without the theme song ever again. (Bruh, Chill)

His choreo also had some "not-so-subtle" scarecrow like poses and taps.

Dude, he played him as such a snotty little twink and I loved it! He almost knocked down the statue in the center like eight times during "Dancing Through Life!"

His mic also made him sound like he was under water for a total of one (1) line and I snorted.

Nyssa, (sorry Mili Diaz, you were incredible and I love you,) Please exit my server.

Glinda made at least 16 Tik Tok references and I know, it's not towards the app because duh, but I'm still very conflicted.

Elphaba was S O mad at the scene with Dr. Dillamond I was so proud and in love!

E L P H A B A ' S D A N C E!

It was so good and pure and when Glinda joined she made it look so graceful!

And Elphaba looked very doubtful at first but then she looked around at everyone doing her dance and back at Glinda and she had the biggest smile on her face and tears in her eyes because she was accepted for something and it was beautiful!

Only Boc's mic was really working at this part so the "Let's DAAAANCE" reverberated deeply into my soul and stayed there for a really long time.

Popular was superb and I literally cried.

Literally.

When Erin got out of breath, she fell on the floor and just layed there for 16 counts breathing really heavily into the mic. Pure Poetry

Glinda suffocated Elphaba with hugs to her throat and swung her around like a rag doll while she just glared angry and helpless.

During "Don't Make me laugh" Glinda pushed her hand into Elphaba's face and gently and slowly set her back on her bed and if that ain't the biggest mood.

So many kicks and giggles I LOVE ERIN MACKEY!

When Glinda fell into Elphaba's arms crying after Fierro ran away at the train scene she took up half of her body and I just needed to write that out.

The egg-like Emerald City suits without arms that extended their necks and twirled them like lassos. Need I say more?

Elphaba's teary smile at "Finally, no one's looking or staring at me!" And then Glinda takes off her glasses and grabs her hand saying that she looked as beautiful as an emerald and... A C K

Upon meeting the scary robo wizard, Glinda got scared and tried to hide her 5'9 body behind little 5'1 Elphie and she looked so protective and ready to throw down I loved it!

Monkeys. Monkeys. Monkeys.

"Let her go! It's not her that you want! Its ME!" She sounded so powerful and angry I would die for her.

The part where Elphaba's begging Glinda to go with her but she's too focused on the fact that she's shaking and ties that spooky cape around her shoulders.

Mariand's "Defying Gravity" was so strong and beautiful with all of her God-tier belts and riffs I could not stop smiling and when she finally flies I yelped because you always hear about how cool it is and looks but then you really S E E it and it's beyond words! I had to do nothing and breathe for a second afterwards to find my bearings!

I loved Erin's "Thank Goodness" a lot. She poured a lot of emotion and beautiful vocals into it and just... god, she's gorgeous!

At the part where Elphaba appeared in the closet in Nyssa's office and the mirror became see through I heard a kid behind me exclaim "Zoo Wee Mama" and I won't be the same.

I don't remember Nyssa being so horrible but... *shrug* She gets it from her Dad I guess.

I love that Boc's reaction to finding out Nyssa can walk is just, "oh, good! Now you can work on this whole walking thing and get tf away from me! This worked out perfectly!" Same, boi.

I loved! LOVED! Nyssa Rose's song with a passion and the way her words get all twisted and angry literally talking about how she's going to rip Boc's heart out for leaving her and it gave me a good amount of spooks.

"Don't say I'm beautiful. You don't need to lie to me." B A B Y

"My Family has a Castle! No one lives there or will see us besides the guards!" "Where do you live, now?" "... The other castle." Oh sweetie.

Glinda, you deserve so much more than scarecrow boy and I would die for you!

Elphaba's voice drops at least 8 octaves during her line in "As long as Your Mine" The "For the first time I feel...

Wicked

I have never been more physically and emotionally attracted to a green lady Other than Princess Fiona

Also, there was so much smoke during that song that I could hear some Orchestra members cough.

During that scene with Elphaba's and Glinda's argument at Nyssa's "Funeral", while preparing to fight Glinda twirls her wand and strikes at Elphie like she came out of the Karate Kid.

Elphaba's witch laugh after Glinda slaps her followed by the most serious "Feel Better?"

Both Fierro and Glinda yell at Elphaba to leave before she gets hurt and I feel things because of that.

While Fierro is fake/real threatening Glinda with a gun, she just tearfully shakes her head in a silent plea and he INSTANTLY drops his gun. I love 'em

The way Glinda's "Fierro" melts into Elphaba's "FIERRROOO!" Love.

"No Good Deed" will always be my favorite song. ITS SO GOOD! Mariand's voice was incredible and her riffs and belts added so much!

During Elphaba's little "let all of OZ be agreed I'm wicked through and through," she makes her voice all scary and raspy, but it melts back into her own voice and beautiful despair at "since I can not succeed, Fierro saving you!"

NO GOOD DEED! 10/10 LOTSA SMOKE

March of the Witch hunters always has and will give me chills. Nothing more to say. Just one good bop.

This is the part where I cry too much.

"For Good" was gorgeous and I cried. A lot. A lot.

Elphaba kisses Glinda's hands and wipes her tears away.

Glinda runs her hands across and straightens Elphaba's hat and OH MY GOD!

It hurts how frantically Elphaba hides Glinda to protect her! Side note, I would also die for Chistery.

At their final moments together, Elphaba blows Glinda a kiss and then proceeds to get "murdered" in a really cool way by Dorthy.

Glinda's "Elphie!?" Is so tragic and panicked I was struggling to make it through, and then she grabbed her hat and cried into it and I was long gone.

Fierro adopts spooky Scarecrow movements at the end which I think is really cool and he also mimics Elphaba's "Don't lie to me!" Line.

Before Elphaba leaves, she becomes entranced by Glinda's beautiful singing, like she's thinking of telling her she's okay, but then she turns around and walks through the door with Fierro.

The last thing we see of Elphaba is her wearing her signature hat and walking into dust with Fierro. The last thing we see of Glinda is her sobbing into Elphaba's book in her bubble.

In conclusion, IM NOT OKAY!

Nah, Fam! But seriously! Mariand and Erin's vocals and performances were to die for! It succeeded my wildest expectations! I had so much fun and would 100% recommend seeing the show if you haven't seen it or want to see it a 19th time. Both are just as valid. :)

[proxylynn]

UNDERFELL: FILE NAME NOT EDGY ENOUGH part #2

Chapter 2: Flowey

WARNING: I WANT NO RESPONSIBILITY OVER SPOILING THINGS FOR OTHERS. THAT BEING SAID, THIS HOW FILE NAME NOT FOUND WOULD FUNCTION IN THE AU OF UNDERFELL. BEFORE YOU READ THIS, UNLIKE THE NICE TIME OF UNDERTALE, THIS WORLD IS KILL OR BE KILLED. THIS STORY WILL BE GRAPHIC, GORY, USE SWEARS LIKE NOBODY'S BUSINESS, AND DEAL WITH SENSITIVE SUBJECT MATTERS. FOR EXAMPLE, THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE READ THE FILE NAME RELOCATED SPOOF WILL KNOW HOW I PICTURE THIS VERSION OF LYNSIE COMING TO THE UNDERGROUND. IT IS NOT AN ACCIDENT. IT IS NOT BECAUSE OF SOMETHING DUMB. IT IS BECAUSE SHE CHOOSES TO END HER LIFE. AGAIN, THIS IS A BETA AND THIS OPENING CHAPTER IS LIABLE TO CHANGE TO BETTER FIT THE STORY AND MY NEWEST WRITING ABILITIES. SO TAKE THIS DEMO WITH A GRAIN OF SALT. I MADE IT BECAUSE I NEEDED TO LET SOME OF THIS EDGINESS OUT OF MYSELF. WHICH I GUESS MAKES UNDERFELL LYNSIE EVEN MORE TRUE TO WHO I REALLY AM. ANYWAY, ENJOY. ^_^

Darkness...everything is so dark, I can't see anything, I can't hear anything, I can't feel anything...there is nothing, nothing but darkness...dark, darker, yet darker...the darkness keeps growing, the shadows cutting deeper...wow...dying is very bleak...why does everyone think something incredible is supposed to happen...all there is, is the empty nothingness of the void and the deafening silence of nonexistence...

"🕈✌😐 🕆🏱 🕆💣✌ ✏" (WAKE UP HUMAN!)

"*gasp*!"

My eyes shoot open painfully, I feel as if I had just come back to life. My lungs feel empty and crave oxygen greedily, and my entire body aches...especially my left arm. Great. Just fucking great. Fuck you fate! Fuck you death! You could've at least do me a solid and finish the job or not damage me at all!

I lay where I am for awhile, letting my body adjust to what had happened and waiting for the pain to numb. I seem to have landed awkwardly. My lower body feels like its aimed to the ground while my top-half is clearly looking up at the hole I just fell into. Something's broken, I just know it.

"Well, this sucks. *groan* Fuck you, universe! Once again, you fail to get rid of me! *long sigh* Even when I give you control, you won't let me die. *pause* I wonder...Do they even notice I'm gone? Better question...Will they care? God! Was it too fucking hard just to be told 'I love you' before heading out that damn door?! Would it really be so bad to feel like I matter all?! *sadness* Is it really so wrong to know someone cares?"

I can feel the urge to cry coming but bite my tongue. I don't have time to pity myself.

"Okay...What's the damage?"

After about 20 minutes of laying like a lump, I force my body to move and straighten while sitting up. My joints pop multiple times and I see why my arm is now so messed up. It would appear my earlier prediction was true, I landed on a fallen crystal shard that had the luck to be jabbed into my shoulder.

"Whelp...This is gonna sting like the dickens."

I take a cautious grasp of the crystal that's protruding in the front and take a few deep breathes before holding it. That's when I grit my teeth and yank it out hard as the crystal is tossed across the room.

"*wincing* Yep...That hurts...Oooh, that hurts...How bad is...Huh...Not bleeding as bad as it feels...I call that a win."

I try to put some weight on it and it folds like an origami swan. I try moving my fingers but they don't respond. Damn it. The whole thing is dislocated. I know I'm a sucker for pain, but even I need help fixing this thing. Looking back up, I can see the mouth of the hole I fell from. That has to be a good 50-60 feet from the top to the bottom, definitely no way to climb out even if I had both arms. Nope. I'm stuck down here. My eyes wander around my landing place, I've landed on a small bed of yellow flowers that are now stained red with my blood, there are about 4 large marble pillars that I can barely see, stalactites coat the walls, and of course the dead vines that somehow creep their way out of this pit. Suddenly something shiny gets my attention.

"Heh...Glad to see someone made it here in one piece."

My iPod managed to bounce its way over to what looks like the only exit I can see in this place.

"Well, as long as I'm stuck here..."

I move to get up and immediately drop again.

"God damn it..."

My right leg doesn't want to work with me either. At least it has feeling and I can move it, so I know it still functions.

"Sprain? Broken bone? Geez...I can't get a break. *snicker* Or can I?"

Lame jokes at my own expense aside, I try once more to stand and this time not put as much weight on it. This thankfully works and I'm able to limp my over to my lonesome device. I'll check if it works later. Right now, my goals are to first find someone or something that I can use to heal. Damn myself for not going to medical school when I had the chance. I slowly begin to follow the only path that is given to me, oddly enough there's a door-less archway. Yeah, like this isn't foreboding at all.

Entering this room, I find it's completely empty except for a single flower. It's a golden flower, with a white androecium, six yellow petals, and a green stem. You know, a typical looking flower if ever there was one. It is odd how flowers of any kind are able to grow down here without sunlight. They should be as dead as those vines.

"H-Howdy!"

A sudden voice freaks the crap out of me, but what really is freaking me out is the fact that the flower has a face and is now nervously smiling at me.

"I...I'm FLOWEY. FLOWEY the FLOWER!"

A talking flower? A real talking flower complete with a name? My mind makes no sense of this.

"Uh...S'up?"

It seems surprised to see me, looking me over like I'm some sort of new type of animal. Has he never seen a human before? Of course not, dummy, it lives in a freaking cave! Wake up, idiot. I know I fell down and hit a lot of shit, but I can't be so stupid. I've had worse head trauma than this. Still...Am I really that weird looking?

At least I think I'm normal enough. I'm 5'8'' tall, got a decent body type, long brown hair I let loose that reaches my ass but is currently curtaining my face, pale white skin, got 2 surgical stainless steel captive earrings in each earlobe, dressed in a red blood stained long sleeved t-shirt and now ripped black dungarees with that have chains hooked on each belt-loop, some black combat boots...Okay, yeah, I take it back. I'm fucking freaky looking.

"S-Say...You're n-new to the UNDERGROUND, aren'tcha?"

Why do I have the sudden urge to be a huge dick?

"Heh...Yeah. You could say I just dropped in."

It gulps, I believe out of intimidation.

"G-Golly, y-you must be so c-confused."

"Look, flower-boy, there's no need to sound so scared. I ain't gonna mess with you."

It tilts its head.

"Huh? You...You're not?"

My right leg fidgets before I buckle to it again. This seems to worry the flower.

"W-Whoa! Are you okay?"

"*grunt* The fall messed me up...My leg isn't wanting to move so well. It's not as bad as the arm though."

"Your arm...?"

Now it seems to take notice of the limb appendage dangling at my side.

"You're bleeding!"

"Dislocated...Can't move it. Not so bad, really. I'm right-handed."

"H-How are you able to make jokes at when you're so hurt?"

"Eh...It distracts from the pain. *wince* Doesn't stop the pain though. Y-You wouldn't happen to know if there's somewhere I can get patched up? Maybe someone else down here that's a doctor or something? Hell, I'll take a creepy old witch covered in warts and wreaking of cat piss if they'll fix me."

It looks around, like an animal knowing a predator is nearby.

"I...I know we just met, but...You seem...Well...Honestly, you seem like a weirdo. B-B-But a decent weirdo that hasn't tried to kill me!"

"Why would I...? Whatever. You were saying?"

"R-Right...Do you think you can trust me?"

"Flowey, was it? I don't know how much you know about humans, but if this wound isn't sealed, I will die. So I'd like to skip the 'do you trust me' cliché and get to the part where you help me so I can help you."

Its eyes widen.

"W-Why do you think I..."

"You're acting as nervous as a cat in a dog pound. Flowers aren't really high on the big bad scale. I can put two and two together enough to know you're in a bind just talking to me this long. So again, I say let's skip to the part where you help me so I can help you...Please?"

It gives me a sad but understanding look before nodding a tad more confidently.

"Alright. Put that arm on the ground in front of me."

I crawl over to Flowey and do as it asked. I lurch down and plop this hunk of dead weight onto the dirt. Flowey looks at it and then me before looking at my hand. I start to question so much, like my sanity, at this point till these little vines begin creeping out of the soil and make their way up my arm. I bet this would feel strange if I had the nerve connection. With the vines scaling up my arm, Flowey's body follows suit and soon enough its reached my shoulder.

"Now this might sting a little."

"Probably not as bad as yanking the rock out of their in the first place."

Still, I brace myself for whatever is to come. It feels like time stops till my eyes widen in intense pain.

"*roar*!"

A vine quickly wraps around my mouth to muffle my loud sounds of pain as Flowey shifts his roots to enter the wound, filling it. Other vines snake their way downward, wrapping around my torso and curling around my bad leg. Please say this is hell! Please say I'm in hell and this is my punishment for trying to die! Because if I really am alive this is fucked up!

"Shhhhh! You really don't want the guardian to find you here. If we're lucky, she'll think that roar was from another monster."

Monster? Guardian? Again, please tell me this is hell!

"I know it hurts. Just bear with me a little longer. Ow! No biting!"

"*muffled whimpering*"

"Almost...and..."

*clack*

"*muffled roaring*"

"There. I managed to pull the bone back into place. You should be able to move it again...I hope. I'm not a doctor after all."

"*muffled whimpering*"

"Oh! And I'm helping to brace your leg too. Just try not to do anything reckless. Okay? I'm just acting as a temporary band-aid. Now, I'm going to remove the gag. Can you promise to not scream or...roar?"

I nod slowly. Cautiously, the vines leave my mouth and I make little whimper sounds.

"That bad?"

"My life flashed before my eyes..."

"And?"

"...It was disappointing."

Flowey pouts but gasps when I move my left arm to move the hair out of my face so I can wipe the tears from my heavily bagged hazel eyes.

"Whoa...You have a face."

I roll my eyes.

"What? You thought there was nothing here?"

"Well, no. I just thought...well...You looked so creepy with your hair like that."

"I can see that. So...You're rooted around the bones?"

"Just till you can heal."

"Neat."

"So...Do all humans roar?"

"Nope. I'm just weird like that."

"Why?"

"I don't know how to scream."

"...Really?"

"Yep. I roar instead. It's just how I am."

"I'm not sure if that's cool or not."

"Whatever floats your boat. But, uh...As a flower, don't you need dirt?"

"Uh...Maybe?"

"...What do you mean maybe? Are you really fine being in my blood?"

"In case you haven't noticed, I'm not really a normal flower."

"So there aren't other talking flowers down here?"

"Nope. ...Just me."

Seems I've touched a sore spot. Best move on to something else. I push myself up and stretch to a stand. It feels so bizarre, yet, not in a bad way.

"You mentioned a 'guardian'...Mind telling me more?"

"Oh! Her name is Toriel. She patrols the Ruins looking for fallen humans to take their souls."

That gets to me.

"So the legends are true? The monsters are really down here?"

"You know about that?"

"Only what is in old folklore books. Humanity has moved on since the old days. Gone is the way of magic. Modern man is the master of technology now. It's actually really sad to find out this is real...No one believes the old stories were true. Monster kind is nothing more than myth up there now."

Flowey looks hurt and I don't like it. I pat his petal head.

"Don't be sad."

"Huh?"

"The world may forget you down here, but I won't. So buck up my friend."

Its eyes widen.

"F-Friend?"

I rub the back of my head bashfully.

"Look at me. What kind of friend doesn't even tell the other their name. Man, I suck at this. Hi Flowey, I'm Lynsie. But you can call me Lynn for short. Nice to meet you."

It smiles.

"It's nice to meet you too."

[You've made your very first friend. It fills you with an oddly warm fuzzy feeling...and DETERMINATION.]

Uh...What?

"You okay?"

"Did you just hear something?"

"No? Did you?"

I shake it off.

"Probably just my imagination."

"Okay...We should get going anyway. The longer we stay in one place, the worse our odds of safety are."

"Alright. *pose* Come with me, Flowey! We shall now travel down the only road given to us!"

Flowey looks at me funny.

"Oh my god, I'm attached to a huge dork."

"You'll get used to it."

"I highly doubt that."

And off we go. Adventure and probably more bullshit await us. We walk through another archway and into a dreary looking space. The walls are layered in red brick, dry red leaves sit at the base of the duel stairway while some leaves make a square in the center of the room. Up the stairs and through another archway we enter a room that actually has a door in it, but it also has six raised stones on the floor and a yellow switch by the door...what's this about?

"Hey, you need to press the buttons in the right order and then flip the switch to get through the door. The RUINS are full of puzzles. Ancient fusions between diversions and door keys. If you want to make it out of here you'll need to do these things."

"Seems a bit dumb."

"I know this one. Just walk where I point."

Taking directions from a flower...never saw this coming in my life. I move where Flowey guides me to and then flip the switch, the door opens.

"Seems easy enough."

"They'll get trickier the farther we go."

"Of course they will."

I go to walk into the next room but pause for a moment, a plaque by the door has my attention.

[Only the fearless may proceed. Brave ones, foolish ones. Both walk not the middle road.]

What is doing that?!

Feeling weird I enter the next room and Flowey proceeds to teach me even more about puzzles.

"So...What can you tell me about the 'underground'?"

"Yeah, you really don't know what to do, do you? Someone ought to teach you how things work around here! I guess little old me will have to do."

"That's why I asked."

"Alright. Just don't freak out about this."

A strange energy is felt and a red heart appears on my chest. This makes me feel awkward and vulnerable. I don't like it.

"See that heart? That is your SOUL, the very culmination of your being!"

"Interesting..."

I do feel a sense of power, not sure what it means, but I like it.

"Your SOUL starts out weak, but can grow strong if you gain a lot of LV."

"LV? Like as in Level?"

He snickers and shakes his head.

"No, silly. LV doesn't mean level. Well, not quite really. What do you think this is? A video game or something?"

"It's just the first thing to pop up in my head. I play a ton of video games and LV usually stands for Level."

"No harm done, Human. Anyway...What LV stands for is Level of Violence."

"Ah, an acronym. Very clever."

"LV is a way of measuring someone's capacity to hurt. The more you kill, the easier it becomes to distance yourself. The more you distance yourself, the less you will hurt. The more easily you can bring yourself to hurt others. To increase your LV, you need to gain EXP."

"I'm wrong for thinking that's Experience Points, aren't I?"

"You really are a big nerd."

I shrug.

"EXP is also an acronym. It stands for Execution Points. A way of quantifying the pain you have inflicted on others. When you kill someone, your EXP increases. When you have enough EXP, your LV increases."

"I don't mean to interrupt, but...Why would I need to be killing down here?"

"Since the War, monsters have taken to a darker side of thinking. In this world, it's kill or BE killed. Humans that fall down here are to be killed and have their souls taken to King Asgore so that the barrier can finally be broken."

I give this some thought.

"Flowey...How many souls are needed to break the barrier?"

"Seven."

"And...How many does the King have?"

"Flowey?"

"...Six."

A sudden sense of weight hits my soul.

"So...I'd be the last one needed. The final soul to free all monsters."

"Yeah."

[You asked the universe if it would hurt to be someone that mattered...It answered back with a YES.]

Seriously, what the fuck is that?!

"I know that's a lot to drop on you, but you need to know this stuff. Monsters will be trying to kill you left and right to get a hold of that soul. You need to be ready to take a life to save your own."

I stop and cup my soul in my right hand. So much fuss over this thing? So much riding on it. So fate, you've decided to finally give me an answer to all the times I've asked why you made me ignored. What a sick sense of humor you have. At least death has better jokes.

"*giggles*"

"Um...Why are you laughing?"

"*chuckles* Because life is funny sometimes."

Pressing my soul inward to return to my body, I can't help but smile at such universal irony. Okay world, you kept me alive this long. Guess this was what you were waiting for my sorry ass to do all these years.

"Flowey..."

"Yeah?"

"I'm not going to kill anyone."

It looks at me in disbelief as I start walking again.

"Wha...What do you mean you're not going to kill anyone?! There's no other option!"

"You'd be surprised by the weird and random choices one can make when given a chance."

"I'm telling you, there is NO choice! If you don't fight, you WILL die!"

"Oh, I never said I wasn't going to fight."

Now it's confused.

"I...I don't understand?"

"I mean it when I say I'm not killing anyone. Hell, I can't even get myself to die. I doubt the reaper wants what I send its way either."

It looks concerned.

"Human..."

"So if death doesn't want me, then I sure as hell ain't wasting this second chance. I will not kill. But I will defend myself."

"...You're going to get us both killed."

"No...Just myself. I'm the one with the soul needed to free everyone. The moment shit starts going south, I won't hold it against you if you leave me."

Flowey just stares at me. What thoughts run through your head little flower-boy?

"*scoff* Like I can really leave you, idiot. You're a sitting duck without me."

I see this as Flowey's tough guy act and simply smile.

"Glad to know I have a partner that's got my back...among other body parts."

It flinches.

"Was that suppose to be a joke?"

"Why are you flustered, flower-boy? Did that get under your skin?"

"Stop it."

"Why? Do you have a bone to pick with me?"

"Stop it! You're not funny."

"Ow. And here I thought you were rooting for me."

"*growl* I said...SHUT UP!"

I merely laugh as we enter the room after this. But this is when things get weird. There's a training dummy in it.

"Well, Ms. NoKill, time to show me what you got. As a human living in the UNDERGROUND, monsters WILL attack you. Even if you don't do anything to justify the attack. Just being human is warrant enough. When you encounter a monster, you will enter a FIGHT. Let me see how you handle the Dummy."

I go up to the dummy and check it out. The Dummy's appearance is that of most dummies. Structured with a head, body, stand and no arms. It looks to be made a cloth-like material, probably stuffed with cotton, has one button eye and has visible stitches. It won't take much effort to break it. But...

"Yo, what's up?"

Flowey's eye twitches.

"What are you doing?"

"Can't you see? I'm talking to it."

"Why?! It's a freaking dummy!"

"No need to be so rude. Please forgive my friend here, I think it woke up on the wrong side of the flowerbed."

"Argh! Stop making those stupid jokes."

"I will when they stop being funny."

"Look, just hit the dummy. At least once. It's not like it can harm you if you do and desire revenge."

"You don't know that."

"*annoyed* Fine! Do whatever you want!"

Flowey's so cute when ticked off. But this doesn't feel so weird to me. Having no one to talk to makes you talk to yourself and objects a lot more than others would care to know. A familiar energy tugs at me and my SOUL reappears...it's green now. Very strange.

"You look like a nice guy. Just because you're a dummy, doesn't mean you deserve to be hit. In fact..."

Out of all the random things I tend to do, this one goes up on my list. I hug the dummy. I'm not expecting much to happen from this, other than Flowey to go nuts, so imagine my shock when a black box pops up beside me and the dummy.

[You hug the DUMMY.]

[It seem really uncomfortable about this and tires of your shenanigans.]

I suddenly feel movement and let the dummy go. Upon doing so, the dummy floats away into another room. Leaving me and Flowey to share the same dumbfounded look.

[YOU WON!]

[You earned 0 XP and 0 gold.]

The FIGHT seemingly over, everything reverts to normal. My soul returns to me and I am very confused.

"Uh...What?!"

"What just happened here? What was that box? Can I really earn money this way? Did I really just hug a living dummy? So many questions!"

Flowey seems a bit startled by my sudden flip into rapid questions, but its leaf slapping my cheek shuts me up quick.

"Snap out of it! I'll explain everything. The box is a magic used by none speaking monsters so that they can communicate with others. It can even translate body movements and hand signals."

"That...makes some sense, I guess. So wait, the dummy was a monster?"

"Probably a ghost possessing the dummy. If a ghost finds a suitable body and their soul connects right, they can become corporeal like a living being."

"Oh my god, this place is fucking nuts!"

"What's nuts is YOU. I said FIGHT and you hugged it. If that were a real fight you'd so be dead."

"But it wasn't a real fight. So there was no need to attack."

"*grumbles* As for gold, most monsters will pay you depending on how you handle the FIGHT. And every FIGHT gives you experience. Whether it's good or bad, that is up to you. But judging by how you handle things, that's going to be experience in stupidity."

"Hey, it's like the sign said...Only the fearless may proceed. Brave ones, foolish ones. Both walk not the middle road. I choose to take the road less traveled."

"You really are an idiot."

"You know you love me."

"*scoff* There is another puzzle in this next room...I wonder if you can solve it?"

"Is that a challenge?"

I go into the next room and look around for the puzzle or its possible solution. The only thing I can see is this odd pattern on the floor. Definitely not a walkway. Could mean something else. The puzzle maybe?

"Ribbit! Ribbit!"

"Huh?"

"Look out!"

[Froggit attacks you!]

I feel something leap at my back and knock me down as my soul emerges. Then hops off to be in front of me.

[HP ████████ 8/20]

"Oh come on...Well, I can't really bitch about that. I did get fucked up in a fall and all."

"Focus, human. The Froggit already had its turn to attack. Now it's your move."

"Turn-based fighting and I have HP? Are you sure I'm not in a video game?"

"I don't even know anymore. Just do something."

I take a moment to at least get a look at my 'opponent'. Froggit's overall appearance is that of a large frog. I say large as this thing stands almost to my knees in terms of size. Only its two front feet are visible from this forward facing view, it's eyes are red, for some reason it has fangs, and has three black marks on its chest. Between its two front feet is what appears to be some small creature with red eyes that excessively blink and has a frowning mouth. I have no clue what strange ass frog this is, but if I were to make a guess, I'd think this is it's baby, attached mate, or just maybe attached sibling. I don't know. That's all I can think of at least. Because I really don't want to think of it as a mutant with two heads. I've seen enough weird mutant frogs online. Just when I'm about to think of something, more magic boxes appear before me.

[FIGHT]

[ACT]

[ITEM]

[MERCY]

"Hmmm...Let's try this one."

[ACT selected.]

[New options available.]

[CHECK]

[THREATEN]

[COMPLIMENT]

"I'll check."

[Froggit – HP: 20 ATK: 4 DEF: 5 - Life is difficult for this enemy.]

Well, that sucks. Maybe I can try something to make this easier.

[COMPLIMENT selected.]

"You know, I don't think I've ever seen a more awesome looking monster in my life."

I hold a thumb up to really sell it.

[You are intimidated by Froggit's raw strength. Only kidding.]

"*whisper* You look like a huge jackass right now."

"*whisper* Not now, Flowey."

[Froggit didn't understand what you said, but knew it was nice and was flattered anyway.]

Flowey is so confused right now but I go over and give the Froggit a little petting on its head.

"There, there, buddy. Heh...Adorable looking fella you are really."

[Froggit is grateful and feels bad for attack you.]

"Awww..."

"Really? All that over a compliment?"

"This world might be kill or be killed, but a little kindness can go a heck of a long way. Ain't that right, buddy?"

[Froggit feels happy and seems reluctant to fight you.]

"Thanks, buddy."

[MERCY selected.]

[New options available.]

[FLEE]

[SPARE]

[SPARE selected.]

[YOU WON!]

[You earned 0 XP and 2 gold.]

"Did...You really just win?"

"I call that checkmate, Mr. YesKill."

I let Flowey processes that for a moment, poor flower-boy looks as though I've blown his mind. After a bit more petting, the Foggit leaves and we head into the next area. Now I'm halted by a bridge that is covered in spikes.

"So is this the puzzle?"

"This is the puzzle, but..."

"Yes?

"I forgot how it goes."

"Eh...It doesn't look too bad. I mean, these things are pretty short. Plus I saw that weird pattern on the floor."

Just to be sure, I double back and check the pattern again.

"Got it?"

"Got it."

We go back to the 'puzzle' and walk through the spikes safely before making it to the other side.

"Tah-dah! Teamwork power!"

"Just how old are you?"

"You won't believe me if I told you."

"Try me."

"Twenty eight."

"Told you so."

"You're either lying or you're suffering from massive head trauma."

"Believe what you will, flower-boy. It doesn't bother me in the slightest."

We travel into the next room but for some reason my right leg stiffens up. I look at Flowey with concern, as it is the one helping to move that leg.

"What's wrong?"

"Shhh...Do you hear that?"

I listen for anything odd but quickly force myself to jump backward due to something I see. No more than a second later does a ball of fire suddenly hit the ground where we just were. Seeing this makes Flowey gulp in fright.

"Talk to me, Flowey. What is this thing?"

It's shaking like a leaf in a hurricane.

"I-I-It's...It's...HER."

All the way at the far end of the room, stands an ominous silhouette. I can't make out much, but what I do see is horns, glowing eyes, and fists of fire. This is not going to end well.

[jobsearchtips02]

Apple’s App Shop policies are bad, however its interpretation and enforcement are even worse

I began this morning all riled up and prepared to write a newsletter about how Google is using its market power in one segment– Gmail– to offer itself a possibly unreasonable advantage in another section: video conferencing.

That was the strategy, but then Apple chose to use its market power in one section– the App Shop– to offer itself a potentially unjust benefit in another sector: buying digital goods.

I’m obviously going to focus on Apple.

In Apple’s case, the choice was to tell the company that makes the brand name brand-new e-mail app called Hey that it can not distribute its app on the iPhone unless it makes it possible for users to sign up by means of Apple’s own prescribed methods– which gives Apple a 30 percent cut.

The timing of all this is merely unbelievable, with a lot of happenings that I ‘d be nuts to concentrate on anything else. Not only does Apple’s WWDC designer conference kick off in less than a week, the EU actually opened up an antitrust examinations into App Shop and Apple Pay practices the really exact same day this Hey thing went down! Tom Warren:

The first investigation will penetrate whether Apple has actually broken EU competitors guidelines with its App Shop policies, following problems by Spotify and Rakuten over Apple’s 30- percent cut on memberships and sales of ebooks through its App Shop. “We require to guarantee that Apple’s guidelines do not misshape competition in markets where Apple is taking on other app developers, for instance with its music streaming service Apple Music or with Apple Books,” states Margrethe Vestager, the head of the EU’s antitrust department. “I have therefore decided to take a close look at Apple’s App Store guidelines and their compliance with EU competitors rules.”

And Apple itself was promoting a research study declaring how much its App Store has actually contributed to the economy on Monday, declaring it created $519 billion in commerce in 2015 Nick Statt:

In-app advertising, also mostly dedicated to mobile gaming, comprises another $45 billion. Of whatever else– from ride-hailing software to food delivery apps to mobile retail stores from Finest Buy and Target– comprising the remaining $413 billion, Apple takes no cut, the research study states.

We’re going to go through some of the play-by-play of Hey, digging into what Apple’s policies are and how they might or may not apply. Here’s the pertinent paragraph from Apple’s App Shop policy, 3.1.1:

If you want to open functions or functionality within your app, (by method of example: subscriptions, in-game currencies, video game levels, access to premium material, or opening a complete variation), you must use in-app purchase. Apps might not utilize their own mechanisms to open content or functionality, such as license secrets, enhanced reality markers, QR codes, and so on.

The key thing to know is that the text of this policy is not actually the policy.

It ought to not shock you to understand that Apple’s analysis of its text frequently seems capricious at finest and at worst appears like it’s encouraged by self-dealing. And the enforcement consequently typically appears unjust.

The rule mentions that if you want to offer digital products, you have to use Apple’s payment system. Other than that’s not how 3.1.1 has been analyzed to date. It has actually been translated as permitting people to gain access to services they paid for elsewhere on their iOS gadgets, but not permitting those apps to attempt to navigate the Apple payment guidelines when people register on those gadgets.

That’s complicated, however that analysis is what keeps Netflix from having an account sign-up in its app. It’s the policy that has actually infuriated Spotify and keeps you from buying Kindle books on your iPhone without jumping through a million odd Safari hoops. That was currently a very bad guideline, if you ask me. Now, with this email app, Apple is apparently changing its interpretation to be more rigorous.

David Pierce at Protocol spoke with the folks at Basecamp, who make Hey, about what Apple informed them was the thinking for their app updates getting declined. In other words, the original app was accepted but updates will not be because somebody inside Apple began enforcing their modified interpretation. And young boy howdy, if you desire a masterclass in the real guidelines being concealed in interpretation and enforcement instead of in the plain text, buckle up:

Due to the fact that Hey didn’t qualify as a “Reader” app, Apple stated that existing customers could log in as typical but Hey required to make all memberships available to new users as in-app purchases. Apple allows these kinds of client apps– where you can’t sign up, only indication in– for business services however not customer items.

So now the rule is you need to use Apple’s system unless you were fortunate sufficient to make a popular subscription app, in which case you could simply keep going. Now, apparently, there are unwritten special classes of apps that are enabled to let you sign up elsewhere however still access the app on the iPhone: “service services” and “Reader apps” and these terms retroactively apply to those other apps? As Pierce tweets:

One other distinction: Apple permits “Reader” apps– things like Netflix and Kindle and Dropbox, where you’re using the app to gain access to existing memberships– as long as they do not offer a method to register. Email, messaging, etc do not count as Reader apps

Now we remain in complete pretzel mode. Dropbox is a “Reader” app in some way and for that reason exempt? I cracked a joke about the No Real Scotsman rational fallacy, but more I think about it, the more it uses.

Finding Out whether your app is consisted of in Apple’s analysis of its guidelines or whether Apple will implement those guidelines upon you is a straight up guessing game. Here’s a tip, though: if you’re huge and effective and have leverage, you have a better shot. Apple is fully letting Amazon get around some of these rules right now on the Apple TELEVISION, even the 30 percent cut! Keep in mind that kerfuffle? Here’s the so-called “established program” that nobody understood about:

On certifying premium video entertainment apps such as Prime Video, Altice One and Canal , consumers have the choice to buy or lease movies and TV programs utilizing the payment approach tied to their existing video subscription

Basecamp CTO David Heinemeier Hansson has actually been popping off about Hey’s potential App Store ban on Twitter throughout the day– and appropriately so. He has also affirmed before congress about Apple’s outsized market power (Heinemeier Hansson, you might recall, also brought the Apple Card’s predispositions against offering equal credit to women to light)

To me, arguing over whether the text of Apple’s policy is being translated or imposed relatively is practically beside the point. I state “practically” because the entire guessing video game about guidelines is disturbing for designers, it lays bare that Apple holds the power to prohibit their app.

An approximate ruler applies their will more powerfully and more onerously than one who follows the guideline of law. Opaque and arbitrary interpretation and enforcement puts more power into Apple’s hands– and it already has the power the set the text of the rules in the first place.

The real problem is Apple’s power, of which this whole Kafkaesque series of changing rules is a sign. We all know the rating here: Apple requires to secure the 30 percent cut it takes, and if it enables a lot of apps to circumvent that cut then some sort of dam may break. From Apple’s perspective, it’s not a lot the cash for its services bottom line however that if everyone utilized a various payment system, the experience on the iPhone would genuinely be broken down, if not fragmented. (The money doesn’t harmed, though.)

For Apple, the line has actually to be drawn someplace. And offered how complicated the analysis and enforcement has been in this case, the thinking for those wiggles is much easier to explain by looking at Apple’s organisation imperatives than it is by looking at Apple’s policies.

Google, for what it’s worth, draws its line at video games. Other apps are complimentary to connect out to other locations where people can register and pay for their accounts. Obviously, even then there’s debate: Fortnite was denied an exemption and after that stop and lastly rejoined the Play Shop under pressure Android does not limit users from installing apps from non-Play Shop sources, however it does make doing so feel dangerous and frightening.

There’s a cognitive harshness to calling Apple a monopolist. Apple’s marketshare in the US is significantly higher than it is in the rest of the world, but it’s not that high.

Ben Thompson at Stratechery has been writing about this for years– he just recently pulled his 2018 article on this really concern out from behind the paywall

The monopoly Apple has is a monopoly over the iPhone itself, not over smart devices. Which is an extremely strange way to think of a monopoly. Should not Apple be complimentary to make whatever rules it wants on the gadgets it sells? Is it unjust for Apple to demand a cut of all digital commerce on its platforms?

Here’s how Thompson addressed that concern, and I’m not sure I can state it much better:

What ought to be limited, though, is leveraging a win in one location into supremacy in another: that indicates Apple winning in mobile phones need to not suggest it gets to own digital payments, and developing the App Store does not mean it gets 30%of all digital goods (or be permitted to diminish the user experience of its competitors).

The thing about Hey is that it was an extremely high profile app with a prominent launch and prominent executives getting attention over this issue.

P.S. I asked Google a series of concerns about its organized Meet integration into Gmail. Here’s the only one that really matters:

Do you have any talk about the issue that Google is utilizing its market power on popular apps like Gmail and Google Calendar to give its own video conferencing app an unjust competitive advantage?

And here’s Google’s action, which I discover to be disingenuous however am communicating in full:

Google Hangouts, with assistance for video conferences and direct/group messaging, has actually been in Gmail and Calendar for years (Gmail on web has actually had video requiring over a years). We are now upgrading the video calling performance that Hangouts provided with Google Meet and extending the experience to mobile. As always, we will continue to allow user choice and enable users to choose in or out of functions to their preference. In addition, as G Suite is a platform, third-party apps have access to integrate with our applications through the G Suite Add-on structure.

When It Comes To why that combination needs to be a gigantic button at the bottom of your Inbox rather of just showing up in the sidebar, Google says “A tab is easier to access […] and screening shows that users like this technique.” I think that real-world testing will show Google something extremely different.

Disclosure: My other half deals with the Oculus Store, including setting policies for that shop. I recuse myself from reporting on Oculus so I am not at all knowledgeable about what Oculus’ policies are.

More from The Edge

┏ The Lenovo Flex 5G is the world’s very first 5G laptop computer you can in fact purchase

┏ What’s left of Magic Leap? Adi Robertson looks at what follows all that hype. It’s very little!

┏ Boston Characteristics will now offer any service its own Area robot for $74,500

┏ The gadgets Late Night with Seth Meyers uses to keep the show running from home

┏ Google is bringing Microsoft Workplace and other Windows apps to Chromebooks

┏ Bose gives up on its augmented reality noise job

Read More

from Job Search Tips https://jobsearchtips.net/apples-app-shop-policies-are-bad-however-its-interpretation-and-enforcement-are-even-worse/