#bottom right tho: does he ever get hungry the way he always EATS.

[hyunpic]

[cloudfiveclub]

enemies by name ➵ r.c.

Summary ; Y/N hates Richard Yashel Camacho with all her heart but definitely not with her pussy. 

Warning(s) ; swearing, masturbation, unprotected sexual intercourse (wrap it before you tap it, kids), creampie

Word Count ; 3.0k+

Author’s Note ; okay so part one was literally posted more than a month ago and i didn’t realize so SORRY but hopefully this makes up for it. not sure if you guys want a part three? but if i do that the hate levels between both characters would definitely significantly decrease just an fyi. enjoy tho x

read part one here!

masterlist

disclaimer | these are only based on my own opinions and imagination and are purely fictitious, as such they in no way accurate or true

"Mhmm, Rich, I'm gonna cum..."

You sped up the movements on your clit, rubbing circles as fast as you could while driving your hairbrush handle into your pussy as deep as you could. Your toes curled, and your mouth dropped open as your high washed over you. Your legs trembled and they closed shut in oversensitivity as you desperately worked yourself through your third orgasm.

You exhaled in frustration as your body started to calm down and you pulled your hairbrush from out of you, letting your hand dangle over the edge of the bed.

You hated this.

You couldn't stand yourself.

You almost disliked yourself as much as you hated him at the moment. Almost.

It had been five days since Richard had given you the best dicking down session you had ever had in your entire life. And you couldn't get him out of your mind.

Granted, it had been awfully rushed and too fast - only a mere twenty minutes - but you were convinced it was probably the best twenty minutes in your life. He had made you cum unbelievably fast, and the feeling of his cock stretching you out had been lingering in your mind.

The whole hook up had left you missing how good he felt inside you and you had spent every free chance you had over the last few days desperately trying to mimic the sensation. Just trying to get a reminder on how absolutely mind blowing it was. And you came up empty each time.

It didn't matter how many times in a row you came. It just wasn't the same. You felt absolutely disgusted with yourself; touching yourself to the thought of the person you hated the most. Who the hell even does that?

You, apparently.

You huffed, sitting up and pulling up your pants. Your eyes shifted over to where your phone sat on the hotel bedside table, and you ticked yourself off as the thought of texting Richard flooded your mind. You rubbed your thighs together as one thought led to another; texting him would lead to talking about the other day, which would lead to him coming here to...

God, are you even listening to yourself?

You bit your lip as you continued eyeing your phone, before your legs moved on their own accord and you found yourself crawling across the bed towards your phone. You grabbed it, opening up WhatsApp and pressing the 'New Chat' button since you had never privately messaged Richard before. For obvious reasons.

You found his contact, clearly listed as 'worst cnco member' and you hesitated when you saw he was online. You stared at it for a while, but nothing happened. Deciding that he was really just busy texting someone else, you let your nervous fingers dance across the keyboard, and you typed in a message. Short and simple but enough to convey you needed another round of sex.

I want you.

Hold up. What the fuck were you even doing? Stop being so desperate.

You stared at your phone angrily when you realize that you had even attempted texting the big oaf, and you rapidly pressed the backspace button as you erased every letter you'd punched in.

And just as you hit the backspace button the last time, your phone vibrated as a little text bubble appeared right in the chat.

Your heart almost flew out of your chest as a message from him came in and your eyes frantically flew to your side of the screen, checking to see if you hadn't sent him something on accident.

You hadn't. And his text simply read two simple words.

You're late.

You frowned, before you glanced up to the clock at the top of you phone screen and realized you were indeed late. Late for their dance practice which you were supposed to be monitoring.

Your hand flew to your forehead automatically as you face palmed yourself. You had been too preoccupied with your needy hormones. But now you didn't have time. You could worry about Richard later.

Dumbass. 

-

You managed to rush to the studio and get there about twenty minutes before they were released for their lunch break. You were pretty much worried about Clara was going to react the whole time, but at the mercy of the boys, they had thankfully assured you they wouldn't tattle if she asked them about it. One problem you did encounter was when they asked why you were late.

Your face had turned beet red, and it took everything in you not to look at him to give anything away. You had stuttered out a stereotypical excuse, saying that the rushing around had made you exhausted and you had overslept a little.

They had believed you. But you knew he didn't.

You'd looked up as they began to disperse, and your gaze landed on the Dominican. He was giving you��that look, and it fucking pissed you off.

Looking at you like he knew what you were doing. With that stupid dumb cocky smirk, obvious enough for you but subtle enough not to draw any attention from the other four. He couldn’t have known, but it didn’t stop the paranoia from invading your mind. It made you fume.

And it made your panties soaked.

Your glared back at him angrily when he smirked at you and turned away, making your way over to a corner of the studio to hide for the rest of their practice session until lunch, trying your best to look at anything or anyone other than Richard.

You thought your heart could take a break a little when they told you they were heading out to Nando's. They had invited you along but you fibbed tiredness, and said you'd stay back in the studio.

They had filed out after that, and you'd relax visibly, thinking you could finally get some time away from him again. You hated how nervous you always got around Richard after the hook up in the dressing room. It was like your whole perspective of him had shifted to the positive side.

And you really really didn't want your perspective of him to shift. You were supposed to hate his ass.

But of course, fate wasn't planning on making it easy for you. Less than ten minutes after they had left the room, the door swung open and in strolled the person you dreaded the most.

"Oh my fucking god."

You couldn't help the complaint that came tumbling out your mouth. It was like you were programmed to just protest whenever you saw him, no matter how needy you were for his dick again.

His eyebrows shot up when he caught sight of your disgusted expression, but his lips quickly curled up into a playful grin as he ignored your revulsion towards his presence, closing the door behind it and turning the lock.

You swallowed when you saw him do that, and you folded your arms across your chest defiantly, remaining where you were seated against the wall.

"Nothing's happening," you cut him off before he could say anything. 

He pulled his bottom lip between your teeth when you said that, a hint of playfulness in his eyes as he made his way over to you.

"Wasn't planning on making anything happen."

You frowned when he said that, and his smug look ticked you off when you realized he just made you sound like the desperate one. He plops himself down next to you, only prompting you to shift your bag further away and scoot away from him. He rolls his eyes when you did so, deciding to remain where he was instead of chasing after you.

"Are you not eating out with the guys?" you asked, glancing at him for a brief second before turning away to stare at the wall opposite the room. 

"Told em' I wasn't hungry and I was gonna practice more," he replied shortly.

You turned to him when he said that, raising your eyebrow.

"You knew I'd be here."

He smirks at you when you say that, resting his head back against the wall mirror.

"Your point?"

You squint at him when he says that. He really couldn't stop being annoying for a second. He just loved getting on your nerves.

Fucking irritating twat.

"Look- just to make it clear, the dressing room thing was... a one time kind of thing. I was thinking about telling you earlier, but... um," you stuttered out lamely, trying your best to sound as serious as possible. Still, your voice wavered at 'one time thing' and while you prayed he wouldn't notice, the look he gave you only told you he'd notice the tinge of disappointment in your tone.

He pursed his lips when you said that, lifting his head off the wall to look at you. His lips were pulled into an almost mocking pout, and his eyes shone with mischief.

"So you've been thinking about me?"

Oh my fucking GOD.

His question threw you off, and you glared at him in offense.

"I did not say that," you defended harshly. 

His lips curled up into a smirk and he scooted closer to you this time.

"You said you were thinking about telling me earlier."

"That's a different thing," you hissed. "I was thinking about you, not telling you."

He grinned at you when you said that and you realized your mistake, mouth dropping open as you shook your head frantically.

"NO, I meant that I was thinking about telling you, not y-"

He cuts you off with his lips again and you're caught off guard a second, your first initial reaction to think "what the fuck is he fucking doing", but his hands that have travelled to your back to bring you closer to him has you relaxing just a tad bit.

You hate the comforting feeling that creeps up on you as you kiss him, and you're almost repulsed by how much you seem to be enjoying his lips.

He pulls you closer, pulling away to yank your legs apart to wrap around his waist before he attaches his lips to your neck.

As annoyed as you are, you can't help the shaky moan that slips through your lips when he sucks on your sweet spot. It sends tingles to your core, and you're already excited at the fact that his covered crotch is so close to yours.

Fucking desperate.

You fist his shirt tightly when he nibbles gently, leaving a mark that you just know you're going to be incredibly pissed about later, but in the moment, you can't help but think how bloody hot it is that he's marking you.

He pulls away, reaching down to pop the button of your jeans open quickly. Your hands are working at a similarly frantic pace, untying the knot on his sweatpants and pushing the hem down to try and get it off.

Fuckfuckfuck, what are you doing?

You can't help but get mad at yourself. Again. You really were the biggest dumbass you knew. You hated that you wanted his dick so badly again, especially since he was such a bloody annoying bastard.

The both of you untangle from each other for a moment to stand up and shove your pants and undergarments down, as well as your shirt. You leave your bra on, and he pushes you down back onto the floor, stomach down, prompting you to get into doggy style position.

"Do you just not like looking at my face when you fuck me or...?" you questioned snarkily, remembering the last time when he had similarly taken you from he back against the wall. 

You feel the head of his member sliding through your already slick folds, and you whimper. He leans down, and a gasp slips through when his fingers wrap round your throat.

Holy fuck, he's into that.

He pulls your head up, and the fact that you're both in front of the mirror is brought to your attention.

"Who said I don't like looking at your face when I fuck you?" he responds back.

The deepness in his voice has you shaking, and you worry your unsteady hands will give out before he even enters you. 

The grip on his neck loosens a little and you're moaning loudly all too quickly as he pushes into you again. You let out an almost relieved sob as your walls stretch out deliciously to fit him into you, the pleasureful burn a welcoming feeling that you had been so desperately trying to replicate the past few days.

You glance up into the mirror, and you whimper when you notice he's looking straight at you. He doesn't break your gaze as he pulls out slowly, before shoving himself deep into you again.

You choke out a moan when he does that, and he leans down to bring his lips to your ear.

"That feel good, don't it baby?" he murmurs, and you swallow, doing your best to stare at him defiantly in your reflection when he asks you that. The part of you that hated him still wasn't very eager to boost his stupid ego. He knew it was good. He didn't need to hear you say it.

Unfortunately, that seemed like the wrong response, because you're gasping for air when his hand tightens its grip round your neck. His gaze is dangerous, and a pit of nervousness forms in your stomach when you see how dark his eyes has become.

"Y-Yes," you stutter out as best as you can. You can't lie to yourself either, the whole thing was just making you more aroused. 

His features soften a little in content when you say that, and while his grip relaxes a little, his fingers still remain round your throat. He pulls out again, before thrusting back in, and forms a steady rhythm as he begins to fuck into you.

You're reduced to a moaning mess too fast for your own liking, but you do your best to ignore any negative feelings towards Richard as you immerse yourself in the feeling of his thick cock pistoning in and out of your needy hole.

"God, you're so tight," he groans into your ear, and you can't argue with that. You're able to feel every ridge of his cock, every angry vein through your pussy walls. 

"You're so big," you whine out, pretty much surprising yourself at the fact you're even bothering to feed his ego. But it's not like that wasn't true. He felt amazing.

You see him grin in pride in the mirror, and this only spurs him on to move faster.

Right into your G-Spot.

You cry out at the slight change in angle, and your toes curl as an unexpected orgasm washes over you. Your arms give out from under you, and his hand that was on your waist shifts quickly to your tummy to hold you up as best he can. He goes a step further, bringing you up to his chest and letting go of your neck.

You gasp at that, and your gaze drops to where you two are connected in the mirror. You can see everything pretty goddamn clearly now; how his thick cock slides in and out of your wet cunt each time, glistening nicely with your juices.

"Look at you, princess," he mumbles in your ear. "Taking daddy's big cock so well. Such a good girl."

You're surprised at how many kinks are surfacing, but you can't complain, because his words only make you drip even more.

"Fuck me harder, daddy," you beg, and it takes almost everything in you not to hate yourself for being so needy for him.

He smirks when you say that, and he rams up into your pussy, hitting your sweet spot each time. 

"Oh GOD, yes!" you moan out, reaching behind to grip on his biceps for some sort of support. 

He brings his fingers down, and you're cumming again quickly as he starts rubbing quick circles into your swollen pearl. You whimper loudly as your orgasm wrecks you, your whole body tingling as you cream nicely round his big dick.

Richard supports you the whole time, but you're terrified when he doesn't slow his thrusts even as you start wriggling out his grasp when the oversensitivity starts crawling up on you. 

"One more, baby," he tells you, and you're whining and begging for him to stop, but he doesn't listen. 

He keeps up his hard thrusts, and you know he's close when his movements get sloppy. He sheathes himself in you for the last time, and the full feeling of him being buried deep in your cunt, as well as his fingers on your clit triggers your third orgasm.

The clenching of your pussy has him cumming, and your eyes roll to the back of your head as he fills you up with his warm load.

He pulls out, and you instinctively reach your fingers down. You shiver when your digits come into contact with the sticky feeling of his cum at the entrance of your cunt, and you bite your lip, easing your fingers into yourself as you push his cum back in, ignoring the shiver of oversensitivity that shocks through your body when you do so.

Richard groans when he catches sight of what you're doing, and you can't help but giggle like a stupid schoolgirl with a crush when he leans down to affectionately press a kiss to your cheek.

"That was amazing." He says. "Looks like you don't hate me that much, huh?"

You roll over, closing your legs as you stared at him. And immediately you remember how much you hate him now that his dick was no longer balls deep in you. His face is so... bloody attractive, but you frown when you remember how irritating of a guy he is.

And you really let him cum in you. For the second time. Great Going, Y/N.

You lift your head up a notch, and you can't help the competitive smile that makes it's way to your face.

"Bet."

[archiveofidentityconstellations]

cass won't share her cheese nibs and bruce doesn't love me and i think?? that i deserve better??? than this???? i'm moving to alaska where NO ONE CAN TELL ME WHAT TO DO

the sequel to that one trix yogurt fic

I feel like I should tell you that I am MASSIVELY fucked up right now 

 like i am such a garbage heap that oscar the grouch took a look at me and said 

 “fuckk off!! i have standards!” 

anyways

it’s Brimothy, bitch

what is UP mothertrucksrs it is Me i am back here to write a report on the UNBELIEVABLE SHIT I JUST HANDLED.

okay so u know how Gotham city is on crack cocaine all the time. with like some LSD and heroin and never ever any weed except for like who is that pig guy?? nevrm he doesn’t have weeeed but like he is definitely a Pig. what the fuck is his name. what the fuck.

 okay so anyways 

 is it Goyle

 Doyle

 Pigoyle 

 tin foil? lmao

OKAY FUCK anyways the City, who Also May Be My Lover, is in a constant life crisis (which i relate? a Lot) and do you want to know this s h i t

Crocodile

Killer Croc

who Steve Irwin would be v disappointed in

Is climbing

into people’s FUCKING TOILETS

???????????????

THIS ISN’T FLORIDA

THIS IS NEW JERSEY

WE WEAR SHOES IN THE WINTER

WHAT SORT OF FLIP-FLOP WEARING CUCKER DOES HE THINK HE IS

okay so obviously KC is a big guy. a Dude. a whack-o whaler of a Male. a Big Boh. the largest banananana in the pack. he is Big. so he cAn’t fit into most people’s toilets. he can, however, fit into Big People’s toilets (big as in wealthy, not As in Tom Hanks)

so KC (crispy,,,nuggest…i wonder if fried alligator is good—not that im thinking of eating him, though someone really should threaten him with cannibalism, like if you’re going to be a bitch about it then you deserve the same done to you, it’s just manners) is in cahoots and canoodles with Someone Who Shall Not Be Named (not bc i don’t know, I do, that’s how detectives work. it’s my JOB to know, and i was a prodigy) but bc there is a whole other report detailing this person and their movements and its case file #4461 if u don’t believe me, but i ain’t no snitch, but i will say that tonight’s events connect to file #4461 so Dad if you’re reading this you should already have it out bc it’s your JOB

speaking of jobs ding ding here is mine coming round the mountain as she comes bc the apple bottom jeans the boots with the fur will be coming round the mountain when she comes shE’ll be coming round the mountain she’ll be coming round the mountain she’ll b e coming round and getting low low low low low l ow low

It was a crisp October night. The sun was blinking its sleepy lids, setting the ballroom with an incandescent glow. Bruce Wayne strode across the floor, his daughter Cassandra accompanying him. They wore matching expressions that the privileged always wear: guarded, yet hungry. Hungry for what? Probably for the crab cakes just out of reach. Neither of them had an allergy, and Cassandra in particular had a propensity to shove anything edible in her mouth, so it really was a tragedy that those crab cakes were all the way across the room. There should really be a table right in the middle of the dance floor just for snacks. That way caterers wouldn’t have to do so much leg work, which is actually a good thing, because that ballroom floor is slippery af. This narrator should know, he has Died A Few Times getting there. Suddenly, the night’s festivities were interrupted by a social faux pas: a scream.

You don’t just scream at regular parties, it’s uncouth and hysterical. But you can scream if the social boundaries have already been crossed, and boy, were they crossed.

You see, Dear Reader, there was a man in the toilet.

I use the term “man” loosely, as his glaring yellow eyes do wonders when you might just crap your pantaloons. You start imagining things, like dinosaurs whcih i am personally a big fan of bc Jurassic Park has a kid named Tim in it and I am also Tim.

 hI y is our toilet so big that Killer Croc could wiggle his way up? also how long can he hold his breath. 

 it seems to be impressively long

 hey Bdad how long can he hold his breath? please let me know if you can, and if you won’t i will eat all your wafers becauzs i wa

Mrs. Trenton screamed and fled the impertinent bathroom guest, who wasted no time in ripping the commode to pieces. There was a roar and all the guests paused, unsure if it was merely pipe problems or if they were under attack.

Reader: They were, in fact, under attack. 

The guests, deciding that Mrs. Trenton was a social entrepreneur, followed her lead and began to scream. Killer Croc had made it to ballroom, standing at an impressive height just outside the doors.

He was Not wearing a shirt.

okay have u ever noticed that Killer Crog hasn’t got any nipples????? where are they? he’s got pecs but no nipples?? 

where did they go where are his nip nops i kno people don’t like to think about this but i hAve wondered since i was like 13 like where did they go. has anyone ever asked him. 

did they fall off

“Take the crab cakes!” shouted Matthew Fielder, a lil bitch.

“No, take me!” said Cassandra Wayne, who would literally rather die than give up those crab cakes.

Killer Croc paid them no heed. He desired one thing and one thing only, the sweet satisfaction for his carnal craving: Humain Flesh.

(alliteration hell yeah hell yeah take that Mrs. Johnson i do know shit and im creative as well u jusy don’t know how my brian works it’s like a golden goose egg trap ye ye ye)

 i just Realized 

 i am…a high school drop out

 i don’t know why im doing this

Dear Reader, as an Aside: Smoking can lead to many health issues, especially if one begins smoking at a young age. Harmful side effects include increased risk of stroke and brain damage; muscular degeneration, eye cataracts; cancer of lips, nose, tongue, and mouth, and nipple loss.

 Jason you may want to have a talk with you and your mipples

The terror in the air was stifling. Cannibalism conduct was not something conveyed in etiquette classes. Rich people never expect to be eaten.

Reader, everyone hardly breathed. Something deeply primal had occurred. 

From the doorway the golden eyes struck. Deadly. Lethal. Hungry. 

This was more than vengeance. It was a sadistic occasion of play.

  okay good thing Dames wasn’t there because he fucking HATES KC he gets all huffy and shrieky about him like “he’s a HYGIENE PROBLEM” and it’s like,,,,,.ur right but i don’t want to agree with you because where do we stand if i do that?? as brothers???

 i think the fuck not 

anyways i just realized i’ve been calling Waylon Jones KC the entire damn time (NEWSFLASH ASSHOLE) but to be fucking h, he wants to to be called that. i called him Allen once and he was so PISSED so i can only think of actually calling him by his name. he wouldn’t even be chill with me naming the sewer alligators even tho they were awesome names. i called one Dundee. that’s fucking genius. that’s just. i’m fucking amazing. stupenous. and unappreciated.

 maybe his nipples fell off because he swims in shit every night?????

 question: why do i swim in shit almost as often 

 what the dfck

 what are my life choices

 i feel like there should have been some fine print involved here 

 “Robin duties include scraping shit off your asschreks 3 times a week”

 mahbe,,,,maybe not what i want 

 personal choice

though i haven’t really seen any alligators in the sewers for years now, which is

oh my god OH MY GOD HE ATE THEM  HE ATE THEM OH MY GOD  OH MY GOD !!!!!!!!!!

HE FUCKING  HE FUCKING. HE. HE ATE HIMSELF  HE FUCNING ATE HIMAELF AND HIS FAMILY HIS COUSINS HIS CPOUSINS  HIS FAMILY OH MY GOD  THIS IS LIKE MY 8TH GRADE GRADUATION ALL OVER AGAIN

im so disturbed……..i like, need to eat something. Fucking hell. this Not what i had in mind when i decided to be alive.

i feel like as if i woke up one day and i was the only one in the entire world who remembered Caillou. also could pull off my face and eat it like taffy. imw so. i.

mom i know i refused to go to Shabbat when i was ten so i don’t get to say this but:

this is Not kosher 

oh heyy i want some pIckes

i was also thinking of takin a spin class?? like fuck it i like to bike. fuck it. and maybe iwdont want bruce and nigtwink fucking watxhing me with their beady eyes. like get those off my calves. my cleavage is up here, gentlemen. stop talking about proper form. some people can do things and suck at them. i’m never going to be like a professional ice curler. and i shouldn’t feel bad about that. who the fuck curls for fun. maybe Canada???????

note to self: look up the history of the sport of curling 

i’m going to get good at it to piss off Jason

Back On Topic:

Killer Croc took a step forward. His mouth trembled, watering in anticipation. He took another step.

Mrs. Trenton drew in a breath. 

The room was silent. 

Far across the room, Bruce Wayne clenched his champagne glass. Cassandra Wayne stopped chewing the crab cakes.  Reader, I won’t mince words: Waylon Jones crossed the threshold.

  and the instant he put his foot down on the ballroom floor he fucking slipped like a drunkass toddler

like when Damian is really really tired bc he’s like 2 years old (only an evil 2 years old like chucky) and Jason tries to give him a high five 

gremlin still doesn’t get that “down low” precedes “too slow” 

and he like. faceplants

onto the fucking concrete 

and then Bruce yells at Jason 

and then Jason yells back

“I NEVER ASKED FOR SIBLINGS”

like it was something we all did, like wrote it down on our batmas lists for Brucie Claus 

and im sitting there, a perennial Forgotten Middle Child

and Damian is like still. on the ground.

anyways KC is just slipping across the ballroom, slippering and sliding bc the floor was just waxed and it’s silent except for the wet slaps of his feet against the floor and the screech his tail makes every time he trips (sort of like this) and when he sometimes falls it makes that sound of when your thighs SLAP against the mats and it sounds like a wet walrus coming to cheer you on while a Giant simultaneously swallows a liquid-filled gummy worm down his throat like QAWAGGHHHHHHH only his falls reverberated against the ceiling panels and the cherubs looked down in like. disgust.

Cass began chewing the crab cakes again by the time Killer Croc fell for the twelfth time so idk it was an embarrassing situation

 we all did that Thing people do when a social barrier is breached 

 we like…..avoided each other’s eyes and made light conversation 

 meanwhile Killer Croc’s body screeched in the background

anyways Matthew Fielder was like “so I hear you dance ballet” and Cass responded “uh huh. tap too” and the chewed up crab cake crumbs fell out of her mouth and onto the floor

 i CAN’T

scrambled cock on a cracker, Cass why does Alfred let this happen????? what is this??????  like she can snort creme puffs like cocaine but GOD FORBID i put my elbows on the table and call damian “a poisonous little bitch” because he ate my croutons

 the standards in this family are unbelievable

So everyone is just talking and Mrs. Trenton is sipping champagne now and Luis Alvarez is doing that thing where he starts trying to eat caviar one teeny tiny egg at a time and KC is just like WHUMPH for the thirtieth time

finally dad takes pity on him and crouches down and is like “hey how you doing slugger” which???? Offended me. Very Much.

that’s MY nickname 

has Waylon No-Nipples Jones been adopted by Bruce Wayne??? has Waylon No-Nipples Jones retrieved HIS sorry ass from time?? i don’t fucking think so 

the audacity of this man

but before Killer Croc can reply

Red Hood

BURSTS INTO THE ROOM

guns out, voice modulator kind of fuzzy like a broke refrigerator that makes an “eeeeeeeeeee” sound ever since i tripped over it and fell on it

 which wASN’T MY FAULT 

 IM NOT “deformed baby zebra clumsy” FUCK YOU JASON 

 MAYBE HE SHOULDN’T KEEP HIS EXPENSIVE HELMET ON THE FLOOR THEN 

 you know what? I’m GLAD i tripped over it.

 yeah. suck it. 

 im glad you sound like a 90s japanese transistor radio 

 off brand too

 fuck you 

 I GOT A BRUISE NOT THAT ANYONE CARES 

 even Bruce was like “hey tim you need to watch where you’re going”

 ???

 how about YOU watch where YOU’RE GOING 

 “where” as in TIME TRAVEL 

 REMEMBER THAT BRUCE 

 REMEMBER THAT?!???????

 HUH BIG GUY?!???????!!???

 no one is allowed to criticize me from now on

 i am Above Reproach 

    anyways yeah Red Hood appears at the party and shoots KC and Bruce was like “why the FUCK would you SHOOT HIM” as if he has some misplaced paternal feeling for Waylon No-Nipples Jones because he called him slugger which is something he calls one of his other kids but whatever im not bitter im just insecure and sad all the time but don’t worry about it maybe i’ll die one day and you’ll all be sorry especially about Certain Things like not sharing cheese nibs huh Cassandra

so RH and Bruce Wayne kind of argue. like. literally sniping at each other bc SOMEBODY forgot that Red Hood is a criminal and not their misplaced son and RH is like “it’s!!!!! a tranquilizer!!!!! ya big hoe!!!!!” only he doesn’t really say it like that but everyone isn’t even listening at this point because this party has already been so goddamn weird and we’re all suffering from secondhand embarrassment

i am Assuming,,,,,that Killer Croc Jones “Jonsie No-Nipples” has been taken away to be put into jail and studied for his non-nipple properties but at this point i’ve been sitting here huffing that cold medicine or whatever Bruce gave me. which

 oh yeah i was crushed earlier 

 it was by “slugger” but whatever

 yeah his body broke mine 

 it was because Bruce and Jason were fighting again and not paying attention so 

 KC was tranquillized and like 

 fell on me 

 he drooled on me too 

 those ballroom floors really hurt 

 like my head feels like mush 

 Alfred’s oatmeal 

 on its second day 

 because i refused to eat it on the first day 

 that man has a spine of Steel and he Does Not Let You Waste Food 

 btw he fell on me because i pushed Luis Alvarez out of the way 

 he was really transfixed by those tiny fish eggs 

 it’s fun to put them on your tongue and let them like slide around 

 so i pushed him out of the way and was promptly crushed to death 

 B said something about a broken collarbone 

 i am more worried about a broken butt 

 fuck

 my coccyx

PROFESSOR PYM wait no shit that’s a comic book character

anyways my butt is broken and im hungry and dad wouldn’t let me get out of the chair so i write up this report because I am A Real Life Detective and I do my JOB

once again im the best

hey red jood can you get me some cheese nibs cassandrA won’t share which is p mean especially since i was all for being eaten to give her those crab cakes  red hoof red  why isn’t he responding to me i want xheese nibs red hanz  red  red  Red Hood please I require sustenance  red fhau red gjji red hhood ted joood redb hood red red edds red red edd dedd red red red red red wd red  what the fuck what a right bastard sometimes oh hi Badaman

EDIT: His name is “Pyg.”  Fucking. Pyg. Points taken off for unoriginality.

decided to have a tumblr version too ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[fluffy-marshmallow-heart]

Drake's Diary ch.24 -Meet Me In Shanghai

The Royal Romance canon from Drake's POV

Words: 5547

The Engagement tour arrives in Shanghai

Master List (catch up here)

Drake hovers in the back of the group in the towering grove of bamboo. It had been a long flight to Shanghai, which he shared with Liam and Madeleine, and the entire time he felt like he was in hell. Liam and Madeleine argued the entire flight, and when not arguing, were giving each other icy glares. It definitely topped his list of worst flights ever. Once they arrived, Liam split off with the diplomats, leaving Drake behind. He shifts uncomfortably until he finally sees Emma arriving with Maxwell.

He grinned. “I was wondering when you’d make it Rose.”

“Looks like we’re just in time.” She replied, nodding towards Liam.

  King Liam steps out at the front of the crowd and clears his throat. Madeleine joins him as everyone quiets down, turning to listen. As he began speaking, Drake immediately tuned out, watching Emma from the corner of his eye. She was taking his breath away, wearing a wispy light blue ethereal gown, which floated lightly with the breeze.

“…… Now, if you’ll all follow our hosts…” Liam nods respectfully to a group of staff members in matching slacks and shirts. A man in a suit, standing in front of all of them, bows.

Drake leaned over to whisper in Emma’s ear. “I swear none of the bamboo looked this tall from the outside…”

Maxwell nodded. This place would make even Bertrand feel chill.”

“Where is he anyway? I thought he’d be on the plane with you.” Hana observed.

Maxwell frowned. “The last time I saw him was at Liam’s bachelor party. He texted me to say he was going to talk to Savannah, but since then…radio silence.”

“Really? I’m proud of him. It must’ve been hard to hear all of that at once. They probably have a lot to talk about.” Emma said

Drake scowled. “If he hurts her again…”

“I don’t think he will. I think he went there to apologize.” Maxwell said hurriedly.

Yeah, right. You know absolutely nothing and have no idea how your family’s actions affect other people. “Right. Because you’re such a great judge of…”

“Dad!” Hana excitedly waves the man in the suit over, interrupting Drake’s snappy response.

“Ah! There you are.” The man greeted.

“Everyone, this is my father, Xinghai Lee.”

“Ni hao, Mr. Lee.” Emma greeted politely.

“Ni hao. You must be Drake, Lord Maxwell, and…Lady Emma. Hana never mentioned that you had a diplomat’s sense of style.”

Emma smiled. “Thanks.”

He nodded respectfully. “You’ll fit right in at tonight’s dinner. You know, Lady Emma, I’ve heard a great deal about you from my daughter…and from the tabloids. Hardly ideal to have one’s name in such publications.”

“Honestly…paying attention to them just adds fuel to the fire.” Emma explained.

“An interesting strategy. You devalue the rumors by refusing to grant them a response. I’ve used similar tactics on occasion when false claims were pressed against my business. I didn’t expect you to have such a mind for public relations.”

“More like basic fire safety.” She retorted.

Mr. Lee frowned. “However, it’s clear you have enemies. I worry that my daughter’s association with you puts her at risk. The scandal may affect her reputation just as much as yours.”

I really hope we clear her name soon. It’s still all anyone talks about. I feel so awful I didn’t stop this from happening. I was just too late getting to her room.

Emma’s face fell. “Mr. Lee, if Hana asks me, I’ll give her space. I’d never do anything to hurt her. If my being around her puts her in a bad position…I’d miss her, but I wouldn’t want to get in her way.”

Hana gasped. “Emma, I’ never ask you to do that!”

“That’s…very considerate of you. I’m glad to hear that you have my daughter’s best interests at heart. Perhaps she should follow your example.”

Huh. He’s actually smiling.

“That’s one thing you can count on. I’ve always got her back.” Emma said proudly.

Drake felt a wave pride wash over him as well. She’d do anything for her friends. I’m so lucky to know her.

Just then, delighted laughter comes from up ahead, and Maxwell’s jaw fell open. “Pandas!!!” He sprints past Emma, Hana, and Xinghai to the side of a small enclosure. Liam is standing inside cuddling a fluffy panda cub. A nearly identical cub wanders out from behind the bamboo and paws at Liam’s shoes.

Maxwell grabbed Emma’s arm and Drake glared at him. He better not be holding her as tight as that looks. “Emma, I think I’m dead. Our plane must’ve crashed on the way here. I am in heaven. Panda heaven.”

“Remarkable, aren’t they?” Mr. Lee agreed.

Hana nodded excitedly. “They’re adorable! Can we go inside too, father? Please?”

“Hmm. Ordinarily, the staff doesn’t allow many visitors. They’ve made an exception for King Liam, but…I might be able to convince them to make another exception.

Maxwell cheers. “Woohoo!”

But…they might not be friendly. And I’ll be damned if anything happens to Rose.

“Hey, those are panda bears. They could be dangerous…” Drake reminded everyone.

One cub tries to grab Liam’s pant leg, misses, and does a little somersault across the ground. It rolls to a stop next to a sprig of bamboo and immediately starts chewing on it, its unexpected tumble forgotten. Chance prances around Emma’s feet, his tail wagging and his eyes wide as he watches the panda cubs.

“Come on, Drake. Even Chance likes them!” Maxwell laughed.

Drake sighed. Alright, alright. Definitely not dangerous. “…Okay, they’re kind of cute” He admitted.

“Victory!” Hana grinned.

Drake turned to Emma. “I’m in if you are, Rose.” Even though I already know your answer is yes.

She glances at the enclosure, where the first cub is pawing at Liam’s hand. Liam shakes the paw with his gloved hand grinning. “It’s nice to meet you too.”

Emma looked back at Drake, biting her bottom lip adorably. “Let’s do it!”

Mr. Lee gave a nod. “Very well. Let me speak with their keepers” He walks away to confer with a pair of khaki-clad staff members. A minute later he returns to the group smiling.

“You can all join King Liam and the cubs. Including this one, as long as he’s up to date with all his shots.” He nods at Chance.

“He’s got a clean bill of health! And he’s extremely well behaved.” Emma chimed.

“Very well.”

“Thank you, father!”

“Best. Day. Ever.” Maxwell had a gleam in his eyes.

One staff member unlocks the gate and hands the group blue gloves and a thin smock to wear over their clothes while they play with the pandas. Liam waves them all over as they step inside.

“Everyone, I’d like you to meet Yue Yue…” He pats the cub sitting beside him. “And her brother, Yang Yang.”

“They’re both so precious.” Hana picks up Yue Yue and gently nuzzles her. “Hello there!”

Maxwell clapped. “I’ve never seen anything cuter in my entire life. I mean, apart from Chance.” Chance sits down at Maxwell’s feet with a satisfied huff. Yang Yang backs away from the sight of Chance and reaches his paws up toward Liam. Liam obligingly picks him up.

“Alright, but only for a minute. My arms are starting to get tired. Does anyone else want to hold him?”

“I think Maxwell should.” Emma winked.

Holy crap, for once she didn’t choose me. Thank God.

Maxwell gasped. “Emma…I will never forget this.”

“You owe me one.” She laughed. Liam carefully places the cub in Maxwell’s outstretched arms.

“Uncle Maxwell’s going to take good care of you, little buddy. I read that pandas like having their bellies rubbed.”

That sounds…odd. It’s still a bear…“And you read that…where?” Drake questioned.

“On the internet!”

Everyone watches in alarm as Maxwell tickled Yang Yang’s belly. The cub blinks at him and then playfully bats at his hand and curls up against his chest. “I think I’ve found my calling.” He sighed blissfully.

While Maxwell cuddles Yang Yang, the other cub looks around wistfully.

“Is he okay?” Emma asked, eyes full of concern.

“She’s probably hungry. One of the tour guides was saying they eat for hours every day.” Liam told her.

Maxwell’s jaw dropped. “Wow. Living the dream.”

Emma breaks off a small bamboo stalk and gives it to Yue Yue. She immediately takes it in her paws and starts munching.

“Here, Yang Yang. Same for you too!” Hana holds out another stalk of bamboo to the other cub.

Maxwell sets the cub down as Hana walks over to place a crown of woven bamboo strips on his head. Yang Yang sits still for a moment, then bats it off his head and begins munching on it.

“Oh…”

“It was cute while it lasted.” Emma shrugged.

“He’s a panda. From him, that’s probably a compliment.” Maxwell reassured.

“You might have a career in edible hats.” Emma joked

Chance trots over to sniff Liam’s shoes, but before he reaches them, he spots Yang Yang again. The cub tilts his head as Chance approaches him. They circle each other…and then Chance’s tail begins to wag. He yips happily.

“Chance has good taste in friends.” Liam smiled at Emma.

“I didn’t think these cubs could get any cuter…but I was wrong.” Hana admitted.

Chance picks up a bamboo stick in his teeth and goes bounding away. Yang Yang waddles after him eagerly, and soon they’re playing a game of tag.

Suddenly Emma turns to Maxwell. “Maxwell, are you crying?”

Holy shit he is. Good god, man, pull yourself together.

“N-no! I just have some bamboo dust in my eye.”

A cub falls off a nearby rock and Emma catches it, the cub squeaking in delight. “Hey, you should be careful!” As soon as she sets her down, she goes toddling over toward the rock again.

“Oh no…”

Drake smirked. “I think you just taught her a new game, Rose.”

“It’s okay, I’ll watch her.” Maxwell ran over to the rock.

Drake’s eyebrows furrowed. “Umm…does anyone was to watch this one?” He stops abruptly as Yang Yang is trying to climb up his leg.

What the hell is this?? Get it off!!! Get it off me!!! “Hey! I’m not a tree!” He tries to walk away, but the cub clings to his leg as he moves.

“Drake…he wants you to pick him up!” Emma laughed.

“But what if I drop him?” I can’t be responsible for this thing. It’s terrifying…with those big fluffy ears and those eyes that look right through you and…

“You won’t. Just pick him up!” Emma encouraged.

Drake looks at her, then down at Yang Yang, who’s pouting. “Aww come on, don’t be like that.” He bends down and hoists the cub into his arms.

This actually isn’t so bad. He’s so soft and cuddly and warm and…

“He likes you!” Hana exclaimed.

Drake cleared his throat, resuming his usual scowl of disapproval. “If any of you take a picture of this, I will never forgive you.”

“Aww.” Maxwell complained.

“We’ll just have to savor the moment.” Liam grinned, watching him. They all spend a few more minutes playing with the pandas before one of their caretakers opens the gate and looks at them expectantly.

“I guess that’s our cue.” Emma sighed sadly

“Already?” Maxwell whined.

“We don’t want to wear the cubs out.” She gives Yue Yue one last pat on the head, and Chance trots over to lick her nose. She headbutts Chance playfully before he follows Emma, Liam, and the others out of the enclosure. They remove their gloves and smocks as the panda’s caretakers close the gate behind them.

“So? What did you all think?” Mr. Lee approached them again.

“That was an incredible experience.” Liam told him

“My life has been forever changed.” Maxwell agreed.

“They were so friendly!” Hana chimed in.

“They were pretty cute for glorified balls of fluff.” Drake admitted.

“That was unforgettable. Thank you, Mr. Lee.” Emma smiled, ever the picture of politeness.

Hana has certainly rubbed off on her.

“I’m always glad when visitors appreciate the wonder of such creatures.” Mr. Lee smiled fondly.

Everyone walks ahead except Emma and Liam. Casting a glance over his shoulder, Drake wonders if he should stick behind as well. But then he saw Liam place his hand on the small of Emma’s back, and his fists curled. Nope. I need to keep walking. I’ll see her later.

Up ahead, the towering bamboo stalks begin to open up as the path leads them back to the reserve’s entrance. By now, everyone had caught back up to Drake.

“Ah, this is where I must say my farewells. I need to double-check a few things at the restaurant before the court arrives.”

“Do you need any help?” Hana asked her father.

“No, no. You must stay here with the court!” He gives Hana a quick hug and shakes Drake and Maxwell’s hands.

“I’m glad to have met you both. And I’m especially glad to have met you, Lady Emma. Considering the rumors about you and some of the things I’d heard from Hana…I wasn’t sure what to expect. But now I can see why my daughter considers you a respectable friend.”

“Thank you, Mr. Lee. It was good to meet you too.” He shakes her hand and quickly strides away to the waiting car.

“Emma, that was an actual compliment. He really liked you!” Hana exclaimed enthusiastically.

“I knew we’d hit it off!” Maxwell said confidently.

“It’s not like he complimented you.” Drake said in frustration. Always trying to make things about himself. It doesn’t matter that Emma does most of the talking and the work.

“Yeah, but I could tell that we were bonding.” Maxwell retorted.

Drake rolled his eyes. “…Sure. Anyway, where’s this dinner everyone keeps talking about? We’ve been walking around all afternoon.”

“it looks like the royal motorcade is leaving for the restaurant now.” Hana pointed

“Take me to the food!” Maxwell proclaimed, leading them all into a waiting car and following the royal motorcade to the entrance of a high-end restaurant. Inside, a waiter ushers them to a table. Liam and Madeleine are seated at the front of the room, and beside them, Constantine and Regina.

Emma leaned over the table and spoke in a hushed tone. “I can’t let Constantine out of my sight tonight. If any of you see him getting up to leave…”

“Don’t worry, Emma. We’ll help you keep an eye on him.” Hana patted her shoulder.

“You know what they always say. Four pairs of eyes are better than one!”

“Nobody says that, Maxwell.” Drake snapped.

Maxwell shrugged, unaffected. “It could catch on.”

An elegant shadow falls across Emma as a waiter pulls out the one empty chair at their table. Drake glances up.

Oh no. Not her. Anyone but her.

“I should’ve guessed Madeleine would seat me with all of you.”

Emma grinned. “Olivia, that’s because we’re friends!”

Speak for yourself, Rose.

“Excuse me?” Olivia asked incredulously.

“You’ve helped us a lot with this investigation. We have a common goal. Besides, haven’t you ever heard that ‘the enemy of my enemy is my friend’? Let’s just enjoy dinner together.”

Olivia’s mouth was practically on the floor. “I…I suppose I’ve survived worse meals”

“That’ll do.”

Maxwell looked around the room. “When is this food happening, anyway?”

“It should be coming soon, and there’ll be plenty to share. Dinners here are usually served family style. I promise, it’ll be delicious!”

“Forget food. We’ve already got drinks.” Drake nods at an elaborate ceramic bottle in the center of the table that contained rice wine.

And I definitely need a drink to deal with this red headed bitch that just joined us.

Emma picks up the jar and looks at the empty glasses in front of them. She immediately takes Drake’s glass and pours for him first.

His face flushed. “Thanks, Rose.”

“I know your priorities.” She winked. “So, how is it? On a scale of one to whiskey.”

He takes an experimental sip of the rice wine. “…an eight.”

“High praise.” She smirked.

Hana looked over at Olivia. “I, umm, didn’t see you earlier today, Olivia. Were you at the nature reserve with the rest of the court?”

“Yes. A pointless excursion if you ask me.”

“You didn’t get anything out of it? Tranquility, relaxation…cute cubs?” Emma asked.

“No. Watching those sorry excuses for bears tumble about is something that only the weakest of the weak would take pleasure in”

You would think that.

Maxwell tapped his chin thoughtfully. “Someone sounds defensive. The pandas totally got to you, didn’t they?”

Olivia glared at him. “Just because they’re so pathetic and small and defenseless…and furry…with big ears…”

The first course arrives before anyone can reply, but Drake was shocked that Olivia just complimented pandas. Maybe she does have a heart.

Drake looked at his plate and sighed. “Hana…you promised me down to earth food.”

“I promised you good food, Drake. This is a traditional Chinese banquet! It’s time for you to have an open mind.”

Maxwell nodded. “If Olivia can learn to love pandas, Drake can learn to appreciate gourmet Chinese food.”

Olivia’s stare turned icy. “I never said…”

“Come on, Drake, give it a shot!” Emma broke in, ignoring her.

“I know you’ll all love it. This is my favorite dish here!” Hana reassured.

“Hana this looks delicious. I should’ve known your family would feed us something as beautiful as it is tasty.” Emma uses a serving spoon and helps herself to a portion of crispy noodles with steaming vegetables. “MMmmm!”

“Come on, Drake. It’s got the Emma seal of approval.”

Drake ran a hand through his hair.  “Okay, okay…” He serves himself some food and hesitantly bites into an aromatic bell pepper. Damn. This is the best pepper of my life. “For gourmet food, this is…really satisfying.”

“I told you!” Hana squealed in delight.

While everyone eats, they also keep an eye on the royal table. Drake sees Liam locks eyes with Emma and tilt his head in a subtle nod before turning to whisper something to Constantine. A moment later, they both rise from their seats and head down a narrow hallway.

I guess this is it.

Emma turned to the rest of the table. “I need you all to hold down the fort. I’m going to follow Liam and the King Father.”

“What? Why?” Olivia asked, looking completely surprised.

She never told her?

Emma stood up quickly. “Maxwell can explain. Just stay here and act like everything’s normal.”

Drake nodded firmly. “You’ve got it, Rose. We’ll head off anyone who tries to follow you.”

“Be careful Emma.” Hana said nervously.

Emma made her way across the room as inconspicuously as she can. A quiet fell over their table, each person lost in their own thoughts until…

The Queen mother suddenly rushes off with a group of guards to the hallway that Liam and Emma had disappeared to.

Oh no, no, what happened? Is she okay? Is she hurt? I swear to God if Constantine hurt her I will crack his face open.

They waited and waited, but no one ever returned. Whatever happened, they must have left.

“We should really get back to the hotel…” Hana suggested quietly.

“Yeah. I don’t think they’re coming back tonight. We might as well go.” Maxwell agreed.

“Well. This food is getting cold and the hotel lounge has a fireplace so I’m ready.” Olivia stood up and strode away from the table, not waiting for everyone to follow.

Once back at the hotel, the 4 of them waited for Emma in one of the lounge areas. She has to come back eventually…right?

“I’m sure she’s okay, Drake.” Hana murmured, positioning herself so only he can hear.

He gave her a worried look. “You don’t know that.” He responded, just as quietly.

And then they waited, none of them wanting to speculate. Drake only listened as Maxwell filled in Olivia about Constantine being the one behind the scandal, silently willing his dark thoughts out of his mind.

“What are you all doing up?”

Drake snapped to attention as Emma walked into the lounge, a confused look on her face.

Hana breathed a sigh of relief. “First you and Liam disappeared at the dinner, then the Queen Mother ran off….we didn’t know what was happening.”

“We were worried about you!” Maxwell cried, running over to her.

Olivia scoffed. “Speak for yourselves, I’m just here to see if you accomplished anything useful.”

“Did you talk to Constantine?” Drake asked, ignoring Olivia’s comment.

Emma nodded. “Yes, once the doctors at the hospital stabilized him.”

Drake froze. The hospital??  “What?”

She fills them in on Constantine’s collapse, his hidden illness, and his confession. Drake shook his head in disbelief.

Why wouldn’t Liam tell me any of this? He’s known about his father…he kept it all in. Drake couldn’t help but feel hurt at his supposed best friend. Liam used to tell him everything. It was their thing. They were always honest with each other. But then again…It’s not like I’ve been very straight forward with him either, considering I’m in love with the same woman he is.

Olivia glowered. “How dare he. If it weren’t for him, I could have…I could have…” But then her face fell. “I guess it doesn’t matter now. He’s dying. Liam must be heartbroken.”

Drake had to agree with her. “That’s…that’s a lot to take in, Rose.”

Hana nodded slowly. “Yeah. At least you finally know why Constantine did this to you…”

“To both of us.” Olivia reminded, and for the first time, Drake actually felt somewhat sorry for her.

Somewhat. Just a teeny tiny bit.

Emma raised her head high. “Honestly it felt good to confront him. I finally made him face what he did to me.”

There’s my girl.

The corners of Drake’s mouth turned up. “It’s about time he dealt with the consequences.”

“Now, we just have to find Tariq.” She continued.  “And since Constantine said he’d back off, for the first time, I don’t have to be afraid anymore.”

A smile spread across Hana’s face. “Well, since we’re not going to find him tonight, and we’re all up late…we might as well make the most of Emma’s new-found freedom!”

Drake narrowed his eyes. “And what, exactly, does that mean?”

“I want to take you all to the market! Some of the best food I the city is sold at these little outdoor markets, and my favorite one isn’t far from here.”

“Hmm…I won’t turn down more food.” Especially regular food. The food served at the restaurant was good but…still fancy.

Maxwell nodded. “My stomach agrees with Drake. Besides, when’s the next time we’re going to be in Shanghai? We’ve gotta make the most of it!”

“If you’re all heading off to do…whatever it is you’re doing, I can finally get some sleep.”

“You’re invited too, Olivia.” Hana told her gently.

Drake frowned. “She is?”

Hana shrugged. “We couldn’t have unraveled this mystery without her. Olivia, you’re part of the team, like it or not!”

Olivia blinked. “I think it’s clear that I do not…still…I am a big hungry, I suppose we could head in the same direction…at the same time…to the same place”

Hana turned to Emma. “What do you say, Emma? After the day you’ve had, you deserve a treat.”

“And a chance to hang out with your favorite people in the world.” Maxwell added.

Excellent. She’s asking Emma. That means we’re definitely going. Drake smiled as Emma agreed. I really know her so well.

Hana clapped. “Great! You’re going to love every bit of food there.”

“I’m an omni-lover when it comes to food.” Maxwell announced, Drake rolling his eyes.

Emma grinned. “What are we waiting for?”

“For you to catch up!” Maxwell runs out of the hotel.

“He doesn’t know where he’s going!” Hana cried.

Good. Let him get lost.  “I say we go on without him. He’ll find us eventually.”

Olivia sighed. “This is going to be a long night.”

Not like you have to come. I really don’t understand why she wants to hang out with us. Despite what Hana says…she’s not one of us.

After tracking down a very lost Maxwell, the group takes a short walk and comes across a slew of market vendors. Rows of lanterns light up the street.

“Oooooo” Emma looked around in wonder.

“It’s beautiful” Hana agreed

“I suppose it’s nice.” Holy shit I’m in food heaven!

Olivia glared at them. “You expect me to eat food that’s been prepared on the street?”

Emma laughed. “What did you expect when we said we were going to an outdoor market?”

“…Not this. Though I suppose in times of war and conquest, Nevrakis rulers have eaten in dire conditions…”

Ah geez, here we go.

Maxwell runs up to a shop. “Hana what’s this one?”

“That’s shansi eng mian. Eel noodles.”

Eel noodles???

“Is it spicy?”

“Not really.”

Maxwell pondered a moment. “Oh, well…I still want it.” Hana speaks Mandarin to the shopkeeper. The woman smiles and hands the food to Maxwell.

“Behold, morsel! I am Lord Maxwell of House Beaumont, tamer of any meal. Prepare to be crushed by my mighty mandible mastication!” He chomps into the roasted tendril.

Drake looks over the delicacies. I have no idea what any of this is. “I…what do I pick?” He asked uncertainly.

Olivia smirked. “I’m sure there’s a grease stain in the kitchen. That’s more your taste.”

“Funny.” Drake snapped.

“I try my best.”

“Drake…can’t find the one labelled whiskey?” Emma teased.

He rolled his eyes. “Ha…ha.”

“I can find something equivalent for you.” Hana promised.

He nodded. “That’d be nice.”

Hana orders a drink for Drake, and he takes a sip. “At least somebody cares.”

Maxwell suddenly shouted. “Hey, guys! Check this out!” They turn to see Maxwell balancing his now-empty bowl of noodles on his nose. He weaves back and forth, trying to keep it upright.

Emma gasped. “Maxwell---“

“Watch out!” As Maxwell stumbles toward a stand full of large soup pots, Drake grabs him. The bowl clatters to the ground, but Maxwell stays on his feet…then doubles over laughing.

“Gotcha!” He sang out.

Drake looked at him, confused. “What?”

Maxwell grinned. “It was all a clever ruse! I wanted to make sure you still care about what happens to me, and you do!”

That little…. “Maybe I should’ve let you fall into a batch of soup.” Drake told him angrily.

“His foolishness would’ve made for pungent seasoning.” Olivia agreed.

“I object to that statement!” Maxwell pouted.

“I don’t know. She’s got a good point.”

He heard another gasp come from Emma. “Hey…did Drake just compliment Olivia?”

No. No, I didn’t…did I?

“I…”

“Don’t deny it.”

He sighed deeply. “This is a strange day. Let’s not talk about it.”

“Agreed.” Olivia said haughtily, looking just as annoyed as Drake felt.

“I’m glad my antics can still bring people together.” Maxwell walks up to Hana. “Hana, can you help me pick out more food?”

She looked at him uncertainly. “Only if you promise not to put it on your nose.”

“I’ll try.”

Hana chuckled. “I suppose that’s good enough. Come along.” She leads Maxwell down a few stalls.

Olivia turned to Emma and Drake. “I don’t know how you put up with him.”

“It takes a lot of effort sometimes. Not too different than putting up with you.” Drake retorted.

“Olivia, why did you come with us?” Emma questioned.

Good question.

Olivia’s expression turned sad.  “Playing such a minor role here has made me realize…just how much I miss antagonizing people at court.”

Oh my god.

“Olivia, say it with me…friends. Frriieeeeeennnddddsssss” Emma rang out

“You look like an idiot when you do that.” Olivia glared.

“Drake join me. Frreeeeiiiinnddsds”

He shook his head. “Gonna have to take a hard pass on that, Rose.”

Olivia gestured at him. “No, go ahead, Drake. You’re always welcome to make yourself a fool in front of me.”

Emma smiled. “Then you can make yourself look like a fool, too, Olivia. Then we’d all look like fools together. That’s the true meaning of friendship.”

Olivia furrowed her eyebrows. “You’ll have to keep waiting. Forever.”

No issues there.

Maxwell and Hana return with a small basket full of dumplings. “Hey, Drake…I got this for you. It’s called a xiao long bao. Hana says it’s great and I trust that food recommendations are another one of her talents.”

“Oh. Thanks.” That’s….surprising.

“I got some for you too, Emma.” Hana handed Emma a few.

“Mmmmm” Drake was captivated by her lips, the way she wrapped them around the dumpling and the pleasure her face showed.

Drake could feel eyes on him, and turning his head, he noticed Olivia watching both himself and Emma with amusement written all over her face. He cleared his throat and, finally tearing his eyes away, he takes a small bite of the soup filled dumpling, letting the steaming contents cool as Maxwell lingers next to Drake for a moment. “Can we talk?”

Drake sighed. “I suppose I’ve got time while I eat this.” Guess it can’t be avoided forever.

“I’ve never fully apologized for everything that’s happened.” Maxwell started. “I wish I could’ve told you about Savannah. I should’ve figured something out.”

“Oh…” Jumping right into it, alright, I can respect that.

Olivia burst out laughing. “Maxwell knew where Drake’s sister was this whole time? This day just keeps getting better.”

“You hush.” Emma scolded

Olivia rose her hands in front of her. “Of course. I don’t want to interrupt the Shakespearean tragedy before me. I wonder if anyone gets stabbed.”

Ignoring her, Drake turned back to Maxwell. “I’m the one who should apologize for getting out of hand at the bachelor party. I saw Bertrand, and all I could think about was my sister crying.”

“Yeah…That was bad.” Maxwell agreed quietly

“I still don’t understand why you defend him. I know he’s your brother, but still…”

“People only see glimpses of Bertrand, but I know what he’s going through. It’s not something I can share, even with Emma, but he’s sincere in that it’s for House Beaumont.”

Ugh. House Beaumont this, House Beaumont that. “That phrase will be the death of him.”

To his surprise, Maxwell nodded. “That’s what I’m afraid of too.”

Maxwell looks down into his food. Drake taps a finger on the paper plate. This…was good. Good talk. “Hey, Maxwell, thanks.”

“For what?”

Drake smiled wanly at him “For looking out for my sister. I should’ve done more to make her feel like she could trust me.”

“I don’t know if I deserve any thanks. I kept her hidden from you.” He said sadly.

“Because she asked you to. You were supporting and protecting a friend. Look, you had to make some tough choices. Even I’m not sure what I would’ve done in your place. But at least someone good was there for Savannah when I couldn’t be.”

Maxwell smiles softly. “Anything for my friends.”

Drake slowly nodded.  “You’re unlike any noble I’ve met. Or any person for that matter. But I’m glad to call you my friend.” He extends a hand to Maxwell.

“Hey guys, you should hug it out!” Emma broke in.

Are you kidding? “That’s not real—”

“Put ‘er there.” Maxwell embraces Drake in a big hug, and Drake slowly returns it, unable to keep the smile off his face.

“Alright. We’re huggin this one out.”

“Has anyone ever told you that you’re a great hugger?”

Drake immediately pulled away. “Alight. Moment over.”

Olivia looked back and forth between them. “This is disgusting.”

“You’ve barely eaten anything.” Emma said

“Not the food. This display of affection.”

“I think it’s sweet.” Hana piped in.

Olivia rolled her eyes. “Anyone else ready to go? Because I’m ready to go.”

“It is getting late.” Hana agreed.

What? This is terrible timing! “But I just got more food.”

“Speed eating!” Maxwell wolfed down the rest of his food in just a few seconds.

Emma stared at him. “Wow. That has to be some kind of world record.”

“I’ll be waiting up the street, away from this nonsense.” Olivia stalked off, Maxwell running after her while Hana trails behind him. Drake falls back, still working on his food.

“Hey, Drake.”

He glanced up. “Hey, Rose.”

“You know you’ve got a bit of sauce on your face, right?”

Oh that’s so embarrassing.  “I do? Where?”

“There.” She kisses him on the corner of his mouth, and Drake tries but fails to contain his smile.

“Thanks, Rose. What would I do without you?”

“Spend less time blushing, probably.” She winked.

“Who’s blushing?” Oh god, even more embarrassing.

“It’s okay. It’s cute.” She laughed.

 After a short walk, they finally reach the hotel and say their goodnights. Everyone else had already split off into their rooms, and Drake walked Emma to her door.

“Goodnight, Rose.”

“Hey, Drake. What would you do without me?”

He was completely taken aback by the question. “What?”

“You know. If I wasn’t here, what would you be doing?”

Drake pondered a moment, before leaning in and kissing her gently on her cheek. “Just dreaming about meeting you.”

He smirked as her face flushed and turned towards his own room. Mission accomplished.

    @annekebbphotography @carabeth @gardeningourmet @eileendannie @dancetothestoriesinyoursoul @alesana45 @thequeenofcronuts @zigortega4life @drakewalkerfantasy

 @hrhdes @drakewalkerisreal @akrenich @feartheendlesssummer @moonlightgem7 @i-miss-trr @noey718-blog @snyggflicka @rhymesmenagerie @be-still-my-aching-heart @i-only-signed-up-for-fanfiction @crookedslimecreatorpasta 

@notoriouscs @agent-bossypants @flowerpowell

[realtagwhywrites]

despicable

Alrighty, this is for @lesbian-asui​ Ash, this shit is getting added here too :’)) i love you so much and nothing will change that, uh, i would die for you, even tho we live so fuckin far apart :( but yeah, enjoy this, it’s trash but ur not :))

For the rest of y’all, depressed and suicidal thoughts are a high warning, don’t read if you can’t handle that

it’s on AO3 here if you wanna read it there

Pairings: none but a tad of gay thoughts Rating: Teen content  Summary: 

Midoriya Izuku is someone with an enormous heart, encompassing the world, and yet, he remains as empty as a corpse, as sad and lonely as a rainy day.

He's despicable

One day you will understand Why I pushed you away as I am And you will find a better man than I am Trust, I'm doing you a favor, doing you a favor Despicable I'm just a bottom feeder

        - Despicable, Grandson

Midoriya Izuku is perfectly fine, on the outside, he’s the picture of a healthy youth with just a little too much stress on his plate. He smiles and he smiles and smiles until the edges of his cheeks hurt but that’s what All Might does, he never is not smiling, always reassuring those who find comfort in it. So, as the mantle for All Might’s new power, it’s his duty to always be smiling as well.

He doesn’t talk about the hours when he’s by himself because well- he’s never alone any more. Just because when he was younger he pulled the blade out of his mum’s razor and-

Because he doesn’t do that, not anymore.

(There are other ways to punish himself for being a useless, quirkless, good for not-)

So Izuku smiles, he smiles his way through primary school despite the sheer pressure that Kacchan puts on him. He’s a quirkless idiot, not going to get anywhere in life, will never be a hero.

He’s always wanted to be the kind of hero that makes people smile, that makes people feel safe. Ever since he saw All Might appear on the TV, saving people, inspiring younger generations, he just- he has to do that.

It’s before U.A that Kacchan tells him to kill himself and he wants to scream, if he were to kill himself, right here, right now. The consequences? Probably not much, but he wants to scream and cry to Kacchan of how could you be so dumb?

(And another insidious part of him whispers that maybe he should just listen to Kacchan after all, Kacchan knows best right? He's better than you in every as-)

“Midoriya! Don’t forget lunch today!” Iida says, chopping his hands with the vigour of his usual composure.

It’s a Sunday at the Heights Alliance and the three have gotten the permission to go out for a small lunch. So, today, he can’t kill himself you see? He has a lunch with his friends and that means that he has to be alive for that.

Maybe later.

That’s what he’s been telling himself for a while now, that there’s a new movie he’s wanted to see, that a new song is coming out- excuses, excuses. The voice that lives in his ear like a snake seems to be some rendition of Kacchan for some funny reason.

Does anyone know? No, he’s too good of an actor he thinks.

Idly, he wonders if there’s a universe in which he became an actor – he’d be good at it.

Sometimes, the days where the hours stretch on and on, a timeless basis for him to ponder about all of the little what-ifs buried deep within the plasticine presence of his personality. Would his mum be alright? Would the world be safer considering Mirio-senpai would’ve gotten One For All? Probably.

Those are the days he concerns people most about, most healthy people – aside for maybe Tokoyami - don’t while the day away with stupid fantasies.

But you see, he can’t die, not without handing his quirk over to Mirio-senpai. He can’t die without knowing that Todoroki, Uraraka and Iida would be alright without him. He can’t die because his mother would be fucking devastated.

“Hey Midoriya.” Todoroki peels off from his doorframe as he exits his room, bearing a barely noticeable frown etched upon his face. “You still going out for lunch?”

“Yeah, with Uraraka and Iida.” He smiles so widely it hurts his cheeks.

“Hmm, do you want to spar when you get back?” Todoroki asks and something flutters within his deadened chest because Todoroki wants to spar with him.

“Of course Todoroki, do you have permission off Aizawa-sensei?”

“Mm, I’ll get that while you three are out.” Todoroki says and turns away.

He turns away from the retreating form of Todoroki, he’s so cute and kind to Midoriya. He likes to think that if he wasn’t so broken and empty inside, he’d like to date Todoroki.

“Hey guys!” He calls out across the common room to Iida and Uraraka.

They might only be going out for ramen – but they don’t usually get lunches out due to the persevering diligence of the League of Villains. Luckily for them, Midnight and Present Mic were going out anyway, with the permission to be in the same ramen bar with them, they were finally allowed out of the Height’s Alliance.

“Fff, how are you two going with All Might’s assignment?” Uraraka huffs out as they walk down the street, Yamada-sensei and Nemuri-sensei trailing behind them – barely inconspicuous – as their escort.

“I’ll admit, it was a little more challenging than I would have thought from All Might-sensei but it has been fruitful to learn about the different costume groups of the world.” Iida says with a small smile. “I hope you’ve been taking it seriously Uraraka.”

“Of course mum.” Uraraka pats Iida’s arm, causing him to splutter for a moment.

Izuku laughs at them, “I dunno Uraraka, I agree with Iida, it’s fascinating to learn who makes our suits so dexterous to move in. Especially the materials used to accommodate for different quirks…”

The trio talk about whatever the hell they want while they order their ramen, a complication Izuku hadn’t considered was that he was not that hungry, he had simply ordered as a force of habit. Now, staring at the source of all difficulties within his life, the scent of the broth wafting to his nose.

Inhaling shakily he takes a sip, remembering that Uraraka and Iida would be concerned if he didn’t eat. It’s okay, he can make up for the moment of weakness later.

Maybe one day, somebody will realise that his smiles are fake and his words are dripping in saccharine, they might figure how tightly he clings to the things he still has to do, the things he can’t give up in this world.

Maybe one day he’ll be able to look Kacchan in the eye and ask him why he thought it was a good idea to instil thoughts of terror within his head.

But, not now when it feels like he’ll never be able to breathe easy from the weight of too many people counting on him.

He's despicable.

[whifferdills]

“World Enough and time” quicktakes:

fuck dudes what if the Xmas special is a “Caves of Androzani” thing where the Dr is basically dying the whole time. that'd explain the dramatic 'noooooo', bc this Dr Who i feel isn't a 10 Dr sort of, fuck you i need THIS ME to live, but in the context of 'i can't do the regeneration tango rn i have work to do' it makes sense

god i love generational ships. this ep doesn't quite nail it but i love that SF trope

MISSY. who is Doctor Who, with her plucky assistants/expendables. i am in love. "Think of the age gap" fuckin

"Nardole, do something non-irritating," says Dr Who, eating snacks. all my Twelvedole headcanons are basically canon now

"Time Lords are friends, everything else is cradle-snatching." you could do a meta on the Time Lord take on intimacy using that line alone.

Friends above all else. And the Dr and Missy are very, very old friends

"You're probably handsome, aren't you. Well congratulations on your relative symmetry." I love Missy ok

"And if I'm in the shower, just bring me some beans on toast. That's....that's roughly human flirting, right?" MISSY.

her accent ramping up on "this ridiculous exercise" right i just really love Missy

Dr Who's real name is Dr Who. the meta nods, i'm livin. "I'm cutting to the chase baby, I'm streamlining, I'm saving us ac-tu-al minutes." *dab* M I S S Y

"Are you eating?" yes, yes they are. luv this hungry boy

Nardole was Blue, once. what the fuck is Nardole

"Is this the emotion you call...spanking" holy shit Missy please i cant

i love how the Dr's speech is just cut off, it reminds me of - i think it's an Indiana Jones? where the one dude is like *dramatic sword flourishing* and the other dude just straight-up shoots him

like i know it'll end up ok but BILL NO. this moment doesn't quite feel earned - like maybe if more of the writers had really used her? but it kind of just feels shitty and cheap. horrifying, but it woulda landed better if she'd been more present beforehand. see also: how "Heaven Sent" woulda worked better if Clara hadn't been fridged or off away wherever i really wish we'd had more 12&Bill moments. i love what we get here, just that shoulda happened all season

nice kitchen. looks like an Aalto-Shaam and a salamander, plus fryer and misc. decent set-up for a college cafeteria.

"What's so special about her?" "I don't know." "Yes you do." "Are you having an emotion?" See THIS is what i want this Team TARDIS to be and i'm so mad we're only getting it now

Twelvedole is canon tho look @ these 2 obnoxious boys

and fuck that scene w/ 12 and Bill just chatting about crushes i wish we'd had more of that

i feel like 12 has eaten more on camera than any other dr who, i am here for this hungry boy who drops chips on their lap

"she was my man-crush - I think she was a man back then" all the gender-misc sexuality-misc stuff yes YEs like sure it's clumsy but it's CANON

"but you still call yourselves Time...Lords." "Yeah shut up." seriously why did we not get more of 12 and Bill hanging out

the PACT to see ALL OF THE STARS anyway Best Enemies is real

i love Bill admitting that she's scared, and doing the thing anyway. Bill in a nutshell right there

oh GOD the body-horror of the Cybermen and the VOICES uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhghghgwaghfgejf nope

"Wait for me" oh way to use hope to fuck someone up again. why, why dude

on first watch i did not at all suspect that this dude is the Master in disguise, i’m a dum-dum

so this hurts more on re-watch

and after input from smarter people - the disguise the Master uses is sort of...like it edges into a hinky area. dunno if it's anti-semetic as such (im not an expert, just it feels fucky on second viewing) but it does flirt with those tropes a lot and w h y would you go there

ffffffuck the converted people just screaming out best they can that they're in pain, and then being silenced. this is for me probs the most directly horrifying thing DW has done since, idk, "Midnight"? been a while, anyway. fuck, dudes

so i know it's the Master now but i do really love the relationship Bill has with Master-In-Disguise. it's a trick, a trap, but it also feels almost...genuine. they have a dynamic, Bill believes in it and i'd be almost be willing to believe the Master does too, despite themselves

Nurse Ratched continues to terrify audiences. the self-assured evil-nurse trope, like. is it cheap? yes. is it fucking me up? also yes. (my favorite aunt is a nurse, i’ve had a lot of - like not good experiences, but experiences where the nurses saved the day best they could; i love nurses but ALSO this trope ok ok ok aw geez)

the body-horror in this episode continues to be OFF THE CHARTS like this is as if someone asked me 'what deeply upsets you' and then they made an episode about it holy fuck

why's Dr Who fucking around for so long if they already know the bottom is much faster and Bill's down there for years like fuck off, be succinct, cough it up. 12 is every waiter i've ever dealt with as expo like - just FUCKING SAY WHAT YOU NEED don't dick around

i do really love Bill here. that mix of needing to leave and wanting to stay, or vice versa

V E N U S I A N  A K I D O. they've got hidden talents and hidden arms

the graphics in this episode are nice that black hole is nice somebody put some work in there

speaking of the assets - Murray Gold nearly on a Phillip Glass tip here. that sort of dissonant orchestral thing. you could rescore this with the soundtrack to Koyaanisqatsi, easily

god that Cyberman voice is...so upsetting. again, always. fuck that shit. this does have a big Spare Parts vibe, with the dying world trying to save itself and the semi-volunteers. it's not quite as emotionally crushing as Spare Parts but it does angle towards that whole...yknow

"aw, sorry mate, guess what I'm about to do" like even knowing what he is, what this situation is, this is such a pure Bill moment and i love it

DONT U DARE DO ANYTHING TO BILL I SWER

but fuck dudes this is ultra horrifying this is so bad and i like it bc i'm confident it'll end up ok but god oh god oh no Bill i wish that hadn’t happened

Missy/Master sure is a thing. i'm really hoping Missy is stronger than that now, better than that now

fuck my emotions are all over the place

A  M O N D A S I A N  C Y B E R M A N

that Master reveal was straight out of Classic Who

"You've met the ex" / "I waited for you" oh shit oh no

NEXT TIME: my soul dies, everything is bad, aw fuck

[seventeen-central]

Until the End of Time- Minghao Fluff (Vampire!AU)

Request: YOOOOO CAN I REQUEST A FLUFFY VAMPIRE! MINGHAO PRETTY PLEASE I AM IN DESPERATE NEED OF SOME FLUFF BC ITS EXAM WEEK AND I NEED SOME STRESS RELIEF (aka hao)

Word Count:1365 

Genre: Fluffy Goodness 

Warnings: Mentions of blood ( Duh... I mean nothing graphic tho)

A/N: I wrote this while listening to the Big Time Rush theme song on repeat for 3 hours... if any of y'all are bored message me because clearly I need friends.

 Minghao licked his lips and stepped back, looking over his favorite piece of art; you. Two small, red dots rested at the base of your neck, and you quickly pulled your blue scarf up to cover them.

 “Hao, you can’t make them that far up! I’m gonna need to wear concealer tomorrow...” You playfully complained to your boyfriend, whose poodle-like eyes brightened up.

 “You don’t need to cover them up, I think they add to your beauty.”

 “You’re just saying that so I’ll continue being your living snack bar.” He shrunk back in his chair for a moment, but your fake anger did not stop him from lacing his thin fingers in yours. He pulled you into his chest, and you inhaled his natural musky scent. 

 For the past 3 years that you have been dating Minghao, you have always let him get away with feeding off you. (Jesus christ what did I just type like click clack to the what now...) It was your way of saying thank you, for he was a savior in your eyes. He had not just given you his love, he had been willing to let you live in his home. Before you had met him, all you had was the cold street and the mystery of a family you had never known.

 “Jagi... do you want me to make you some lunch?” His question interrupted your thoughts, but you didn't mind. Nodding wildly, you smiled and pecked his cheek to show your thanks. He moved you off his lap and got up to go into the kitchen.

 By the time he had left, you had opened up a book on his coffee table and began looking at the photos inside.

 The first photo depicted a very young looking Minghao on the streets of Haicheng, his hometown. His dark locks of hair cascaded to his ears and framed his rosy cheeks so nicely. The date at the bottom of the photo: November 7, 1937. Ah, way before he had been turned, of course.

 In the next photo, a teenaged Minghao stood dressed very traditionally for what seemed to be a very nice party. A scowl was on his face, and he was pushing away a group of young children that were crowding around him. 

 By the time you got halfway through the album, you came across something that shocked you; a photo of Minghao with his arm draped around a girl’s waist. Both him and the girl had forced smiles, and she was looking off into the distance. Minghao looked distracted, and his focus was also on something outside the frame of the camera.

 “(Y/N), I made your favorite- oh. You found that photo.” His voice dropped a few octaves, and he took the book from your hands. You avoided looking his way, and furrowed your eyebrows.

 “Was there someone else? A wife? Am I a replacement?” Questions rushed out of your mouth like water rushes from a river. They were cut short by your boyfriend placing his mouth over yours. For what felt like hours, he sat there giving you what was perhaps the least innocent kiss you had ever received from him. When he finally pulled away, his eyes held a sadness in them.

 “She wasn't anything like that. We had been in an arrangement... her father ran a gang that owned the town. When my parents fell into debt right before World War 2, they borrowed money from him. By the time the war ended, I was an orphan with thousands of dollars of debt following me around. Her father said he would consider it all the money repaid if I married her... and right before that photo was taken, I found out the truth about the deal. I wasn’t going to marry her, which I was fine with, but he turned me into what I am now.” Minghao kept his eyes trained on you throughout the whole story, and you pulled his hand into your lap.  You looked up at him apologetically, and gave him a peck on the cheek.

“I’m sorry, HaoHao. I just get so worried sometimes when I think about what gonna happen when I get too old to be walking around with you. You are gonna look 19 forever, but I’m already approaching my twenties.” He put his other hand on yours and comfortingly squeezed your smaller one in his. 

 “Jagi, I have been meaning to ask you something. If you are really sure that you wanna be together forever... I can turn you.” When his last word fell on your ears, hope entered your mind. “Only if you want to though, it’s not something that can be reversed.”

 You looked up at him, and a small tear rolled down your cheek. Did he really think you would say no? Growing old with him was a dream you always had, but getting old without actually getting old didn't sound that bad. You could walk around forever young, never having to leave behind your golden youth. You could get married, maybe even have kids... all with your favorite person in the universe. 

 “Does it hurt?’ Of course, that’s the only question you had. Minghao laughed a bit and shook his head.

 “Maybe for one second, but after that, everything’s amplified. Scents, tastes, sounds, colors... everything is just so pretty!” The goofy smile returned to his face, and you leaped off the couch.

 “Then I am gonna say yes.” A rosy tint flamed across both of your cheeks, and Minghao’s eyes got even brighter.

 “Before we do any of that, eat something. You are most likely gonna feel slightly sick for a day or two, and I don’t want you to feel too hungry.” Just as any concerned boyfriend would do, he continued to pull you into the kitchen so you could eat. “And you better thank Jesus that vampires can still have normal food! I’m pretty sure I have never even seen you go a week without eating kimchi fried rice...”

 Every bite of the meal Minghao had cooked had been devoured by the two of you and every dish had been cleaned and put away. When you finally placed the last dish in the cupboard, Minghao came up behind you and wrapped his arms around your midsection.

 “Jagi, its time.” He sweetly whispered into your ear. He carried you bridal style through the hall into your bedroom. (Woah man boi, don’t get carried away) He sat you on the edge of your queen sized bed, and reached up to your neck. You grabbed his hand suddenly, and a worried look flashed across his face.

 “Don’t worry, HaoHao. I just want a kiss first.” He let out a large laugh and passionately kissed you. You tangled your hand into his hair, but he left you hanging and pulled away far too soon for your liking. He looked into your eyes one last time, almost as if asking for permission. You gave him a small smile and nodded, and be latched his mouth on your neck. 

 For a few moments, he was just kissing your neck, and it felt amazing, until a small sting moved in. You felt as if more blood entered your body, and you couldn’t help but whimper. Minghao grimaced against you, but continued. The sting grew more intense, and soon you felt like howling in pain.

 Suddenly, you felt no pain. Your eyes shot wide open, and you looked around at the familiar room. Minghao had not lied, the room seemed brighter and smelled just like the dinner you had eaten prior to this whole situation. Minghao backed away a bit, and concern peaked through his eyes.

 “Jagiya, how do you feel?”

 “Mmmm... I feel good. I’m tired though, come lay down with me.” He played you down softly and made his way to his side of the bed, pulling the covers over both of your forms.

 “Minghao? I love you, baby.”

 “I love you too, (Y/N). I will until the end of time..”

*** I hope y'all enjoyed this! I’ve never written a vampire au before, so hopefully there aren’t too many inconsistencies. Love you guys, and hope you all have a good week!xx

[eggroll-sushi]

1-150 ask mem

first of all, fuc k yoou

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

my mom??

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

outgoing around friends

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

u

4. Are you easy to get along with?

i dont know, ive heard that no one really hates me but like i find it difficult to find someone who i actually enjoy talking to

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

i dont really have any interest in anyone rn so... yes? id take care of myself

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

so far everyone that ive liked is a either a nerd or a pretty shitty person so like ,

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

no

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

in what way?? idk im still thinking of this oe guy he had his pants pulled up pretty high with a tight belt on and a big nose. im not thinking in a romantic way or anything i just... it was a weird combination. . ..his hair was ok i guess

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

uh yeah if its not in the brash or crude humor way

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

you

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

“probably”

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

killer - bastille, yeah i dont have any others that stand out particularly

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

i have curly hair so we just both suffer if they try running their hands through... but if i had a romantic s/o i probably wouldnt mind bein petted

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

yes? i think so

15. What good thing happened this summer?

i hung out with friends a lot.. .i think i dont remember

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

yeah i lovemy mom

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

scary either way.. but the universe is pretty big so i guess

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

not really theyre an asshole mostly

19. Do you like bubble baths?

i havent taken a bath in like 4 years.. but yes

20. Do you like your neighbors?

we do not talk

21. What are you bad habits?

being rude and disrespectful and aggressive

22. Where would you like to travel?

europe.. japan.. idk

23. Do you have trust issues?

no

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

sleeping and eating

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

i really dont know.. its like an all around tie.. .

26. What do you do when you wake up?

brush teeth and wash face, change into outside wear if im going outside, lotion my face and put on mascara, make tea/breakfast

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

overall just smoother.. like a more even tone.. but darker i guess

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

y ou

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

ive dated.. once but i didn’t even like the guy.. i just said yes because it was like. .mmkfkucin 5th grade and then he broke up with me (i didnt care tbh) and then asked me back?? it was weird because he told me he was breaking up because he found.. someone hotter or something and they said if he dumped me they would date him and they didnt.. .it was wild tbh i dont really know why they did this it was like 6th grade. ......... ... .anyways

30. Do you ever want to get married?

theoretically, yes? but idk it seems exhausting and i cant grasp the concept of someone actually liking me for so long

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?

yes

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

fuck i dont know i dont really think about that buds

33. Spell your name with your chin.

gthhju-asnhhy

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

no unless robotics counts

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

tv

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

yes

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

i just try to do something funny

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

nice, a kind person, likeable, liberal, ,

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

tjmaxx, marshalls, burlington. i go stright to that mf clearance section

40. What do you want to do after high school?

perferably die, but thats unlikely so i wanna go into a good college, make friends, get a decent job

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

my mind says yes but my heart says no

42. If you’re being extremely quiet what does it mean?

1) tired 2) mad 3) i cant/dont wanna make conversation 4) im just .. zoned out

43. Do you smile at strangers?

if they smile first

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

im fucking terrified of both

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

i have to go to school or i feel like shit

46. What are you paranoid about?

every time im disrespectful, aggressive, or really any action that i make

47. Have you ever been high?

no

48. Have you ever been drunk?

no

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

sure

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

it was a brownish orange (a coat with a hood)

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

ye

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

give myself a massive sponge dick

53. Favourite makeup brand?

i dont really wear makeup.. i like ChapStick

54. Favourite store?

tjmaxx

55. Favourite blog?

@eggroll-sushi​

56. Favourite colour?

orange? either a peachy orange or a borwnish orange. but i can appreciate a good palette

57. Favourite food?

id say pho but i like a lot of foods

58. Last thing you ate?

oreos and milk

59. First thing you ate this morning?

blueberry english muffin with honey butter

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

recently my team won a robotics comp

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

no

62. Been arrested? For what?

jesus no

63. Ever been in love?

no

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

well ... my mo was telling me goonight-- (i havent had one)

65. Are you hungry right now?

yeah

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

my tungle friends are also my irl friends

67. Facebook or Twitter?

twitter (i dont use either)

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

tumblr? i hate it tho

69. Are you watching tv right now?

n o

70. Names of your bestfriends?

you know who

71. Craving something? What?

food.. savory junk food........olives, nachos, ,,

72. What colour are your towels?

white

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

two, but i have 3 on my bed

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

i just keep em on my bed yeah

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

4 on my bed (god bless your soul, okoshi, wherever you are) but like.. 10 total?

75. Favourite animal?

cat but i also like most animals

76. What colour is your underwear?

its currently gray

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

dark chocolate

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

blue moon

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

black with white text

80. What colour pants?

shades of gray

81. Favourite tv show?

su? i dont really watch any others

82. Favourite movie?

the man from uncle movie/ kingsman

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

mean girls?

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

mean girls i guess

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

idk

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

starfish

87. First person you talked to today?

mom

88. Last person you talked to today?

you

89. Name a person you hate?

protein shake (jk)

90. Name a person you love?

my mother

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

maybe

92. In a fight with someone?

im constantly in a fight

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

one

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

many, over 10

95. Last movie you watched?

Logan

96. Favourite actress?

janelle monae always looks stunning

97. Favourite actor?

uhhhhhhhhh dwayne is a friend

98. Do you tan a lot?

yes?

99. Have any pets?

no

100. How are you feeling?

sick

101. Do you type fast?

not really

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

yes

103. Can you spell well?

yeah i guess

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

yeah i suppose

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

i went on a camping enrichment?

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

no?

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

yeah

108. What should you be doing?

studying for histry quiz

109. Is something irritating you right now?

yes

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

no?

111. Do you have trust issues?

im pretty sure this was already asked

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

mom?

113. What was your childhood nickname?

ass (im still a kid, right?)

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

yes

115. Do you play the Wii?

when someone has one

116. Are you listening to music right now?

no

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

yes

118. Do you like Chinese food?

yes

119. Favourite book?

harry potteR?

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

yes

121. Are you mean?

yes

122. Is cheating ever okay?

no

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

no. once i stepped in a massive puddle and got wet like halfway up my calf

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

no

125. Do you believe in true love?

n..yes?

126. Are you currently bored?

yes

127. What makes you happy?

friends, having a good time, making people laugh

128. Would you change your name?

no

129. What your zodiac sign?

scorpio

130. Do you like subway?

yeah

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

we would both suffer

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

you (this is a repeat again)

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

//

134. Can you count to one million?

i could, yes

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

bro idk

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

closed

137. How tall are you?

5′4″?

138. Curly or Straight hair?

i have curly hair

139. Brunette or Blonde?

brunette

140. Summer or Winter?

summer

141. Night or Day?

cant choose

142. Favourite month?

november

143. Are you a vegetarian?

no

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

dark

145. Tea or Coffee?

tea

146. Was today a good day?

eh i guess

147. Mars or Snickers?

mars

148. What’s your favourite quote?

“you’re like shaggy from scooby doo; always alone”

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

yes? im scared of them so

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

“’You will blow your eyes out,’ said Nwoye’s mother...” (Things Fall Apart)

[okwilliamson]

should be doing homework but im sexting my boy and answering survey questions

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? - ummm i really dont know, syd, seany, evie, luke or bae at home lol 

2. Are you outgoing or shy? - mostly shy but when something i want is in the sights i might as well be outgoing to get what i want 

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? - BAE 

4. Are you easy to get along with? - I think i am easy to get along with, i look mean at first i think and i have trouble controlling my facial expressions lmfao 

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? - yeah i think so 

6. What kind of people are you attracted to? -  fucked up sad boys who will crush my heart / boys in general im straight af to clarify/ but boys with big lips and nice eyes / someone whos funny / someone who will watch shitty movies w me/ BUT if this is just about people in general im attracted to shit lords like myself 

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? - um actually maybe? 

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? - my bab 

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? - no i love talking about sex 

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? - umm i have deep convos with everyone lol so probs today with syd and clayton 

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? - ‘omw’ 

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? - oh sheesh idk ive been listening to throwback shit from middle school and also hamilton 

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?- honestly the thing i like most in the world 

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? - luck yes, miracles not really bc i feel like that has a religious connotation 

15. What good thing happened this summer? -  i slept with someone new 

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? - would i? yes...should i? not at all lol 

17. Do you think there is life on other planets? - there has to be right 

18. Do you still talk to your first crush? - bro what how would that even be possible 

19. Do you like bubble baths?- yeaaaa but never have the chance i dont have bathtubs in my dorm room 

20. Do you like your neighbors? - i dont even know my neighbors at all i know the girl next to me is named jackie and shes nice 

21. What are you bad habits? -  im a mess all the time like i dont clean up after myself, i dont even care if im living in trash ill just keep adding more trash to the pile. i dont shower enough lol, and im obsessive 

22. Where would you like to travel? -  anywhere!! i wanna go west 

23. Do you have trust issues? - yes kinda, i have a hard time being vulnerable with people bc i build up this wall to keep myself hard and safe away from potential sadness x d 

24. Favorite part of your daily routine? - umm makeup probably :) 

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? - probs my double chin lmfao but i can take selfies and look good anyways 

26. What do you do when you wake up? - i like have to pee as soon as i wake up 

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? -  im good with my skin tone tbh but it would be nice to be able to tan vs burn 

28. Who are you most comfortable around? - syd, evie, luke, mik, bella, my sister 4 sure, 

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? -  no lol 

30. Do you ever want to get married? - ummm idk im not really like super hype to the idea but it could be cool 

31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail? -  ya girl has a buzz cut lol 

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? - wowwie idk 

33. Spell your name with your chin. - miss me w that 

34. Do you play sports? What sports? - literally no sports are like the least interesting thing in my opinion 

35. Would you rather live without TV or music? - shit idk thats so hard bc i use tv as like back ground noise a lot of the time but music helps me with everything else i cant choose 

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? - ummmm yes 

37. What do you say during awkward silences? - depends on why its awkward 

38. Describe your dream girl/guy? -  xd i dont need this 

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? - lovesick, xxi?? thats about it oh and thrift stores!!!!! 

40. What do you want to do after high school? - bitc im doin it im in art school 

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?- yes for sure i give everyone a lot of chances 

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? - im sick/sad/angry lol

43. Do you smile at strangers? - i try to 

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? - outer space 

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? - classes bb 

46. What are you paranoid about?- money all the time 

47. Have you ever been high? - yes lol 

48. Have you ever been drunk? - also yes 

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? - ummmmmm yikes idk no not really 

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? - green 

51. Ever wished you were someone else? - i used to but not recently 

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? - work ethic 

53. Favourite makeup brand? - sheesh i think jeffree star cosmetics & lime crime 

54. Favourite store? - not sure 

55. Favourite blog? - probs claudias 

56. Favourite colour?- pink 

57. Favourite food? - pizza i think 

58. Last thing you ate? - pizza lol

59. First thing you ate this morning?- i didnt eat this morning 

60. Ever won a competition? For what? - no i dony think so 

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?- nah 

62. Been arrested? For what?- nope 

63. Ever been in love? - i believe so! i fall in love with people all the time lol 

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?- i was in 8th grade and his name was garrett and he was my first bf ever and we kissed on my front porch it was very cliche 

65. Are you hungry right now? - for the first time in a while actually yes 

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? - literally no i dont really have tumblr friends 

67. Facebook or Twitter? - twitter 68. Twitter or Tumblr? - this is tough bc i frequent both but probs tumblr 

69. Are you watching tv right now? - nope

70. Names of your bestfriends? - claudia, syd, evie, luke, mik, bella 

71. Craving something? What? - HUMMUS 

72. What colour are your towels? - one is like peachy and the other one is purple but i never use that one bc i cleaned up fruit juice off the floor w it and never cleaned it lol 

72. How many pillows do you sleep with? - a lot like 3 pillows and i use blankets as like body pillows for that snuggly vibe 

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? - just one hello kitty lol 

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? - total i have quite a few but i dont bring them to school with me 

75. Favourite animal? - ummm i really dont know tbh 

76. What colour is your underwear? - black 

77. Chocolate or Vanilla? vanilla for ice cream / chocolate for like cupcakes or cake 

78. Favourite ice cream flavour? - tbh mint choco chip or phish food by ben and jerrys 

79. What colour shirt are you wearing? - currently just chilling in my bra fam 

80. What colour pants? - black leggings lol 

81. Favourite tv show? - right now the office for sure / but also my 600 lb life 

82. Favourite movie? -  i have so many , django unchained, perks of being a wallflower, across the universe, i lowkey love the twilight series?? idk im not well versed in classic film just shitty films that have a special place in my heart 

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? - this is an ugly quest but the original mean girls 4 sure 

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? - mean girls lmao 

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? -janice lol 

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? - bro idk finding nemo is not something i think about a lot lolol but probs the badass fish jawn w his ripped up fin 

87. First person you talked to today?- my sister 

88. Last person you talked to today?- just now syd 

89. Name a person you hate? - donald trump 

90. Name a person you love? - claudia <3 

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? - um not currently except maybe if my illness was personified then i would punch that bitch 

92. In a fight with someone? - i dont fight w people lol 

93. How many sweatpants do you have? - literally 1 pair i think 

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? - SO many lol 

95. Last movie you watched? - twilight last night lol 

96. Favourite actress? - hmmm, i love charlize theron, kristen stewart but not bc of twilight her other movies are fire 

  97. Favourite actor? i love tom hardy, eddie redmayne, john boyega 

98. Do you tan a lot?- not at all 

99. Have any pets?  - one cat named Bo 

100. How are you feeling? - kinda shit but ok 

101. Do you type fast? - pretty fast, working in call centers get ur typing skills on fleek lol 

102. Do you regret anything from your past? - a few things of course but at the same time whats the point in regretting things you know, it just gives you more baggage to carry around and that shit sucks 

103. Can you spell well? - for the most part i think but sometimes shits questionable lol 

104. Do you miss anyone from your past? - ummm no not really 

105. Ever been to a bonfire party? - yes i have it was a strange experience 

106. Ever broken someone’s heart? - no way bruh people break my heart all the time tho it seems lol 

107. Have you ever been on a horse? - yes but i was like 8 i think i was sooo young 

108. What should you be doing? - im chillin 

109. Is something irritating you right now? - BEING SICK  

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? - yessssss 

111. Do you have trust issues? - not so much trust issues but i have a hard time putting my walls down for people 

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? - ummm syd and luke hahah 

113. What was your childhood nickname? - liv, livy, liver, livy loo ( my mom calls me this when shes salty at me) my dad has always called me scooter crunch i have no idea what thats from, or any variation sometimes its just scooter and recently he called me scooter mc crunchy and that was even a lot for me lol , oh and olive!! 

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? - yes ive been out of ohio but not to anywhere very exciting 

115. Do you play the Wii? - i did once upon a time 

116. Are you listening to music right now? - yes frank ocean’s blond album 

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?- i mean its fine 

118. Do you like Chinese food? - i love it but only from like select places bc mediocre chinese is always kinda a let down 

119. Favourite book? - harry potter series, perks, sula, 

120. Are you afraid of the dark?- sadly yes 

121. Are you mean? - i am sometimes lol i cant even lie 

122. Is cheating ever okay? - i dont think so 

123. Can you keep white shoes clean? - dude no 

124. Do you believe in love at first sight? - this is always a question in these 

125. Do you believe in true love? - ofc 

126. Are you currently bored? - nah im cool 

127. What makes you happy? - makeup, photography, my friends, my sister 

128. Would you change your name? - no ive never thought of something that suits me more than olivia, which is why im cool with my nicknames 

129. What your zodiac sign? - scorpio 

130. Do you like subway? - as in sandwhiches yes lol 

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? - i would be shocked lmfao 

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? - ummm idk ive been kind of mia recently from being sick but probs syd 

133. Favourite lyrics right now? - the whole wiped out album by the neighbourhood 

134. Can you count to one million? - ive never tried and i probably never will but on principal yes i can count 

135. Dumbest lie you ever told? umm idk that im ok? i try not to lie about trivial things but if im sad or something and someone im not comfy w asks me about it ill just be like yeh im good 

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? - closed i live in a dorm room lol 

137. How tall are you? -5′6 

138. Curly or Straight hair?- i have a buzz cut so neither 

139. Brunette or Blonde? - is this an opinion question bc i have blue hair so like 

140. Summer or Winter? - man im more of a fall/spring type 

141. Night or Day? - day i think 

142. Favourite month? - november but im really tired of my friends trying to kill themselves in my birthday month tbh LOL 

143. Are you a vegetarian? - no but maybe i should be so i wouldnt be so fucking sick all the time 

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? milk 

145. Tea or Coffee? - i really like both 

146. Was today a good day? - my day hasnt even really started 

147. Mars or Snickers? - snickers i guess  148. What’s your favourite quote? - i dont really have one tbh 

149. Do you believe in ghosts? - yuh 

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? -  the only book i have with me is my science book and thats not interesting at all so lol imma skip this one 

[a-lbeit]

151 questions

sorry i’m trash and i like talking about myself

Who was the last person you held hands with? my aunt last night when she slipped me money lmfao

Are you outgoing or shy? shy but i’ve become much more outgoing than i used to be

Who are you looking forward to seeing? rozi and blake!!!!! i just wanna be back in california

Are you easy to get along with? i hope so; i like to think i’m pretty laid back

If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? 100%

What kind of people are you attracted to? kind and genuine people

Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? i am always hoping for that

Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? ,,,,,,blake 

Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? with certain people, but not with my friends

Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? probably rozi or maybe my dad lmfao

What does the most recent text that you sent say? "i think it’s pretty self explanatory” in reference to me saying i think i have a hemorrhoid LMFAO

What are your 5 favorite songs right now? -- “the greatest,” lana del rey -- “hope is a dangerous thing for a woman like me, but i have it,” lana del rey --“after the storm,” mumford and sons --“leader of the landslide,” the lumineers --“darkness on the edge of town,” springsteen i’m just sad girl trash rn

Do you like it when people play with your hair? nah

Do you believe in luck and miracles? yes bc i’ve been so goddamn lucky to have met the people i’ve met 

What good thing happened this summer? i got to work at the bookstore and the deli and visit lauren and ciaran in new york and do some real nice hikes in the smokies and took a goddamn train across the country and got to know some real nice people thanks to my job at disneyland 

Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? yeah probably but i don’t really care either way

Do you think there is life on other planets? of course

Do you still talk to your first crush? lol i never even talked to him when i had a crush on him

Do you like bubble baths? i’m not really a bath person

Do you like your neighbors? yeah they’re okay i guess, don’t really know them that well

What are you bad habits? sometimes i be gettin into a funk; i’m bad at distinguishing the line between friendly and flirty; i’m not confrontational; i’m bad at eating well; i get embarrassed too easily

Where would you like to visit? egypt, western canada, montana, russia, argentina, morocco, other places

Do you have trust issues? doesn’t everyone?

Favorite part of your daily routine? don’t have much of a routine at the moment bc i have a broke ass ankle but eating and reading and checking my notifications in the morning lmfao

What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? my stomach probably but i have issues with a lot of parts

What do you do when you wake up? lie in bed for like 2 hours on my phone

Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? i’m fine with whatever

Who are you most comfortable around? probably lauren or rozi 

Have any of your exes told you they regret breaking up? lol i don’t have an ex

Do you ever want to get married? maybe

Is your hair long enough for a ponytail? yeah

Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? i dunno but oscar isaac is hot as fuck

Spell your name with your chin. no

Do you play sports? What sports? not right now lmfao but i played tennis for a long time

Would you rather live without TV or music? tv 

Have you ever liked someone and never told them? obviously lmfao

What do you say during awkward silences? nothing i just try to think of something to ask them

Describe your dream girl/guy. kind, genuine, taller than me, feminist, love of the environment, ambitious 

What are your favorite stores to shop in? forever 21 tbh and i guess maybe asos or h&m. also walmart LMFAO

What do you want to do after high school? well right now i wanna get my graduate degree while working at disneyland and then i wanna join the peace corps and then i wanna work for the nps

Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? yeah probably

If you’re being extremely quiet, what does it mean? i don’t know what to say, i’m uncomfortable, or i’m jus chillin

Do you smile at strangers? nah not usually, maybe if we’re like in each other’s way or something

Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? neither goddamn

What makes you get out of bed in the morning? bathroom lol and i start to feel gross after lying in bed for a while

What are you paranoid about? being financially stable and about being vulnerable to people

Have you ever been high? nah

Have you ever been drunk? yeah

Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?  not really 

What was the color of the last hoodie you wore? i haven’t worn a hoodie in a long ass time but probably grey 

Ever wished you were someone else? nah i just sometimes wish i looked different and had more money

One thing you wish you could change about yourself? stomach and broken ankle 

Favorite makeup brand? don’t have one bc i never wear makeup lol

Favorite store? what i listed earlier

Favorite blog? no thanks

Favorite color? don’t have one

Favorite food? burrito bowls from qdoba lmfao

Last thing you ate? chocolate

First thing you ate this morning? ham and cheese sammy and an apple

Ever won a competition? For what? probably at some point

Been suspended/expelled? For what? nah

Been arrested? For what? nah

Ever been in love? no

Tell us the story of your first kiss. my old coworker who lives in la now wanted to hook up so when i first flew into anaheim a couple months ago, he drove over to my airbnb and we were watching the office and the episode finished and i was like should we start another one and he was like yeah or i could kiss you. so we did. it was strange but nice i think. then we made out and had sex lmfao i really went 0 to 100 in one evening

Are you hungry right now? nah

Do you like your Tumblr friends more than your real friends? i don’t know people on tumblr unless i know them in real life

Facebook or Twitter? facebook

Twitter or Tumblr? tumblr

Are you watching tv right now? nah

Names of your best friends? i have several, among which are probably lauren, rozi, melissa, brandon, ben, katie, nicole, estevan, and potentially blake

Craving something? What? california

What color are your towels? orange ish i think

How many pillows do you sleep with? one but my ankle is also on one

Do you sleep with stuffed animals? lmfao right now yes

How many stuffed animals do you think you have? i have so many from my childhood, but probably like 15 in my room

Favorite animal? koala

What color is your underwear? skin colored lmfao

Chocolate or vanilla? swirl

Favorite ice cream flavor? probably neapolitan or like ben and jerry’s half baked

What color shirt are you wearing? blue american university library t shirt

What color pants? black shorts

Favorite tv show? probably new amsterdam and superstore and brooklyn nine nine

Favorite movie? inside llewyn davis and the descendants probably

Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? honestly i don’t like mean girls

Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? 21 jump street

Favorite character from Mean Girls? no

Favorite character from Finding Nemo? i don’t care

First person you talked to today? my mom 

Last person you talked to today? rozi by text, father in person 

Name a person you hate. me bitch

Name a person you love. lauren!

Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? nah

In a fight with someone? nah

How many pairs of sweatpants do you have? none

How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? probably like 4 sweaters and 2 hoodies

Last movie you watched? echo in the canyon

Favorite actress? probably frances mcdormand

Favorite actor? oscar isaac

Do you tan a lot? yeah

Have any pets? a cat

How are you feeling? forlorn about california literally all the time

Do you type fast? kind of 

Do you regret anything from your past? not doing enough in the month i was in california before i broke my ankle!!!! i’ll be back tho

Can you spell well? yeah

Do you miss anyone from your past? of course!

Ever been to a bonfire party? probably

Ever broken someone’s heart? nah

Have you ever been on a horse? yeah

What should you be doing? nothin, i’m chillin, tryna heal as soon as i can

Is something irritating you right now? my inability to walk

Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? mmm i don’t think so

Do you have trust issues? i still have trust issues since the last time this was asked, yes

Who was the last person you cried in front of? lol i teared up in front of rozi, lyndsay, and britt, but i CRIED in front of blake lmfao. oh wait i was cryin on the plane but i don’t think anyone was really looking at me

What was your childhood nickname? idk i don’t think i had one

Have you ever been out of your province/state? hell yeah

Do you play the Wii? i used to but i haven’t for years

Are you listening to music right now? yeah i’m listening to my new year’s eve playlist from 2 years ago lmfao

Do you like chicken noodle soup? ya

Do you like Chinese food? i’m very specific about it

Favorite book? probably wild 

Are you afraid of the dark? yeah

Are you mean? not usually

Is cheating ever okay? no

Can you keep white shoes clean? for a minute

Do you believe in love at first sight? no

Do you believe in true love? i think so

Are you currently bored? no

What makes you happy? my friends and being financially stable 

Would you change your name? probably not

What your zodiac sign? leo

Do you like subway? yum i stan a good steak and pepper jack on italian herbs and cheese

Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? feel flattered

Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? redundant

Favorite lyrics right now? "i miss long beach and i miss you” and “it will steal your innocence but it will not steal your substance”

Can you count to one million? no

Dumbest lie you ever told? i don’t know, i’ve told a lot

Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? closed

How tall are you? i always say 5′3″

Curly or straight hair? wavy

Brunette or blonde? brunette

Summer or winter? winter

Night or day? depends on my mood

Favorite month? december and also maybe september

Are you a vegetarian? lol no

Dark, milk, or white chocolate? milk

Tea or coffee? coffee

Was today a good day? it was okay. i talked to rozi for like an hour and a half on the phone so that was nice

Mars or Snickers? snickers

What’s your favorite quote? i have a lot but i’ve always loved “what is that feeling when you're driving away from people and they recede on the plain till you see their specks dispersing? -- it's the too-huge world vaulting us, and it's good-by. but we lean forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies.”

Do you believe in ghosts? probably

Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42--what’s the first line on that page? the first complete sentence is “he was not sickly or weak but he did not lift very well; he rode horses badly and detested them” from east of eden

[through-war-and-at-peace]

— 1. Who was the last person you held hands with? My Partner 2. Are you outgoing or shy? Little bit of both  3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? my cat my partner and my best friend also LP 4. Are you easy to get along with? Yes? 5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? Yes  6. What kind of people are you attracted to? pretty much anyone that is a human being 7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? Yes 8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? Pretty much always Michio Kaku 9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? nahhhh  10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? My roomie 11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? “Yeahhh that’s great!” 12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? “Oh shit” Nat Lefkoff “The high” Kelela “bitches broken hearts” Billie eilish “unfucktheworld” Angel Olsen “mama said” cat clyde 13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? yes but only if they’re good at it  14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? ehhh not really more like law of attraction serendipity if thats the same thing then sure? 15. What good thing happened this summer? I started therapy  16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Always  17. Do you think there is life on other planets? mhmmm ohhh yeaah 18. Do you still talk to your first crush? Sadly, no... 19. Do you like bubble baths? LOVE bubble baths  20. Do you like your neighbors? don’t know them but sure  21. What are you bad habits? anything that falls under the category of my addiction 22. Where would you like to travel? Dream destination is Thai land or Switzerland  23. Do you have trust issues? mmm yeah I guess I do kinda  24. Favorite part of your daily routine? Eating.. or picking my cat up and hugging him  25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? Pretty much the lot of it  26. What do you do when you wake up? snooze my alarm and try like hell to sleep more but it never works  27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? nahhh 28. Who are you most comfortable around? Does my cat count? 29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? Yes  30. Do you ever want to get married? Yes  31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail? yes it is finally.. tho I wanna chop it all off again 32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? Blake Lively Ryan Reynolds  33. Spell your name with your chin. assahjnlerdyhuj   :)  34. Do you play sports? What sports? lol no... does yoga count? 35. Would you rather live without TV or music? hands down TV please take it away now  36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? nope I’m pretty much extremely forward 37. What do you say during awkward silences? Welp this is awkward  38. Describe your dream girl/guy? I pretty much like everyone so....  39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? tattoo shops :) 40. What do you want to do after high school? I long since been out of HS and I guess travel? 41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? honestly yes but certainly beware of being taken advantage of which is something I fall into all too often  42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? that I’m either concentrating.. or I’m fucking PISSED off and need to just be left the fuck alone and sit in my head  43. Do you smile at strangers? very awkwardly yes  44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? I know the ocean should be explored more but fucking SPAAAAACE  45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? the basic need to survive and pay for my existence otherwise I rarely can scrape my meat sack of a body out of my bed yay depression  46. What are you paranoid about? failing.. isn’t everyone? 47. Have you ever been high? on pretty much anything you could think of.. yeah 48. Have you ever been drunk? ohhhh yes I have been many moods of intoxicated  49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? Nope 50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? Black  51. Ever wished you were someone else? ohh fuck yeah all the time don’t we all have Instagram 52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? talking myself out of things because I’m afraid to fail  53. Favourite makeup brand? Thrive causemetics  54. Favourite store? Target  55. Favourite blog? My besties blog :) 56. Favourite colour? Green or yellow  57. Favourite food? Vegan sushi or burritos or pizzzzza bc I am trash  58. Last thing you ate? a hersheys kiss  59. First thing you ate this morning? a hersheys kiss... lol  60. Ever won a competition? For what? lol a dance competition when I was 19 at a house party  61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? suspended many many many times.. mainly insubordination... or never showing up to class or being mega late to class  62. Been arrested? For what? yes. shoplifting/dui/possession/possession of paraphernalia/underage drinking/truancy   63. Ever been in love? yes :) 64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? I was living in Georgia I was 4 or 5 years old and my neighborhood friend was chasing me and chasing me and chasing me and I ran around the corner of our apartment complex and was hiding against the wall and he showed up behind me and tapped me on the shoulder and said “wait wait I have a secret to tell you” and then proceeded to kiss me on my lips and I of course responded “ewwwwwwwww” 65. Are you hungry right now? FUCKING STARVING  66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? my real friends or on tumblr so.. yes? 67. Facebook or Twitter? I like reading tweets more than fb statuses buuut I browse FB more 68. Twitter or Tumblr? TUMBLR  69. Are you watching tv right now? nahh 70. Names of your bestfriends? Max :) Julie annnd Stanley  71. Craving something? What? success in my new job... and sushi also a fucking back massage 72. What colour are your towels? yellow and grey  72. How many pillows do you sleep with? 3  73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? if my fat cat counts then yes  74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? none other than my cats  75. Favourite animal? Obviously my cat... but I’d have to say a Manta Ray  76. What colour is your underwear? tye dye  77. Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate 4 eva  78. Favourite ice cream flavour? I’m boring I like chocolate and peanut butter only for sweets ever  79. What colour shirt are you wearing? black  80. What colour pants? currently wearing my work scrubs so navy blue  81. Favourite tv show? Adventure time  82. Favourite movie? What dreams may come is my go to fav.. but I think that might change soon.. also fav christmas movie is a year without a santa claus and I hate christmas  83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? Is this even a real question? Is there a mean girls 2?  84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? Mean girls  85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? Kevin G  86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? fuckin Marlin of course  87. First person you talked to today? virtually?.. my girlfriend... in person?.. my boss  88. Last person you talked to today? Days not over but also my girlfriend  89. Name a person you hate? Donald Trump  90. Name a person you love? my niece  91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? Pretty much always donald trump 92. In a fight with someone? nope? 93. How many sweatpants do you have? 3  94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? like at least 5? 95. Last movie you watched? Suspiria  96. Favourite actress? ooof I’m awful at names of people and honestly don’t care for pop culture sorry  97. Favourite actor? see above  98. Do you tan a lot? what is sunlight?  99. Have any pets? 3 cats 2 snakes 1 leopard gecko  100. How are you feeling? hungry  101. Do you type fast? on a computer yes.. texting.. nah  102. Do you regret anything from your past? I struggle with this because I am happy where I’m at in my life and if it wasn’t for all of those shitty mistakes I’ve made I wouldn’t be here right now appreciating my existence.. but also yes I do regret a lot of actions and decisions i’ve made and how I’ve treated a lot of people but you live and you learn I guess and I’ve learned to appreciate all of those things  103. Can you spell well? Incredibly well  104. Do you miss anyone from your past? My parents  105. Ever been to a bonfire party? So many and they are some of my favorite kind of parties more parties should be held outside  106. Ever broken someone’s heart? unfortunately yes.. but this is a part of growth for everyone in life  107. Have you ever been on a horse? yes :)  108. What should you be doing? probably my job but I’m sucked into tumblr per usual  109. Is something irritating you right now? my annoying need to be perfect at mostly everything and also i’m irritated with how hungry I am  110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? uhhhh I don’t think so? I’ve never really understood someone saying that.. I mean there are things about loving someone or not being able to love someone in a certain way that can be painful sooo if that’s what it means then yes  111. Do you have trust issues? I feel like  I was already asked this question sooo yes? 112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? My partner  113. What was your childhood nickname? peanut or jellybean ash AJ  114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? yes  115. Do you play the Wii? nahh  116. Are you listening to music right now? Yaaa  117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? nahh I’m a vegetarian  118. Do you like Chinese food? ehhhh I like fried rice? but I like thai food  119. Favourite book? I guess that would have to be my yoga book “finding balance” only because its the book I most frequent otherwise I like far too many to have a favorite life changing book would be “You are a badass” 120. Are you afraid of the dark? I am if I sense some bad energy in that darkness but nah not usually  121. Are you mean? I always inform everyone upon meeting me that I am indeed an asshole but everyone always insists that that information is false.... but yeah I’m super mean  122. Is cheating ever okay? I have cheated in my relationships and no its never okay  123. Can you keep white shoes clean? nooope I like earth too much  124. Do you believe in love at first sight? nahh 125. Do you believe in true love? ehhh?  126. Are you currently bored? EXTREMELY  127. What makes you happy? Books.. photographing things... music.. my cat.. being with my friends.. eating foooood.. meditating... exercising  128. Would you change your name? totally.. just have no idea to what  129. What your zodiac sign? Aries.. can ya tell?  130. Do you like subway? Honestly... no  131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? hug em  132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? my roomiee stop asking me 133. Favourite lyrics right now? hmm idk?  Lost on you by LP I guess?  134. Can you count to one million? probably?  135. Dumbest lie you ever told? I mean pretty much all of them have been dumb so I have no idea?  136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? open  137. How tall are you? 5 5 ? 5 6? no idea  138. Curly or Straight hair? wavvvvvvvyyyy 139. Brunette or Blonde? Jet black  140. Summer or Winter? Spring  141. Night or Day? Night  142. Favourite month? September  143. Are you a vegetarian? Yes  144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? ooooof.. white chocolate  145. Tea or Coffee? Espresso  146. Was today a good day? mediocre but can still find appreciation for it  147. Mars or Snickers? Snickers  148. What’s your favourite quote? If by favorite you mean favorite(s) then...

"My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style"  

"Once upon a time there was a crooked tree and a straight tree. And they grew next to each other. And every day the straight tree would look at the crooked tree and he would say, 'You're crooked. You've always been crooked and you'll continue to be crooked. But look at me! Look at me!' said the straight tree. He said, 'I'm tall and I'm straight.' And then one day the lumberjacks came into the forest and looked around, and the manager in charge said, 'Cut all the straight trees.' And that crooked tree is still there to this day, growing strong and growing strange." Kneller

149. Do you believe in ghosts? Nope  150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? 

“ With each breath may we take refuge in the living truth alone, released from coarse arrogance and subtle pride.”

(via itsgracesdrunkmametown)

[renfys]

Cats Are Idiots: Six Things I’ve Learnt About Cats

Micky

Before having my first cat Micky nearly seven years ago, I’d never had a cat. I hated cats (furry jerks) and I like hamsters. I’m not a dog or a cat person. I am a

hamster person. I have no hamsters at the moment because Kitten ate the last

ones and I can’t risk that again. I have had a lot of hamsters though.

And now have a lot of cats. Two planned, three unplanned. Since my first cat, I’ve learnt a lot about cats. Most of it can be summed up in three words “Cats are jerks.” However, this can be split up into several categories of ‘cats are jerks’, as you’ll read yet. There’s also a couple of other interesting things about cats I’ve learnt that doesn’t make them jerks but certainly adds to it.

So buckle in, we’re starting with the big one:

Cats Are Gross

  Wiggles

I think this can be best summed up by the following scenario that hasn’t happened more than once, to the point where I’ve lost count or just blocked the memories.

  Wiggles eats his breakfast. Apparently putting the word ‘fast’ into a meal has given him all the information he needs for this task and eats it as if the biscuits were mice and about the runaway at any second. He’s always been like this, we think he lived with too many cats and had to fight for food (and usually lost). So he eats as fast as he can. Faster if possible.

And then throws up.

Gross, right? It gets worse. Mostly undigested biscuits are pretty easy to clean up but make me gag a bit cause it’s still cat sick. This doesn’t seem to be a problem for Reb Brown who will eat partly digested cat biscuits. And other partly digested food.

Regularly,

Just writing it makes me gag a little.

There is so much more I could say, Kitten won’t use a litter box, Stink won’t either and also sprays inside if he’s waited too long for breakfast. They lick their own bums and the bums of each other. They get blackheads on their chins and bogeys. Wiggles has the most horrendous wind right now and I swear he’s trying to kill us. I could write an entire blog post just on how gross they are but I don’t think I have the stomach for it.

Not All Purring Is Good

When cats purr it usually, nine cats out of ten, means they’re happy and content and will have more fuss, please. However, on occasion, there is a cat that will purr when he’s happy and when he’s frightened, angry, upset, suffering from an existential crisis. I don’t think it’s common, I’m six cats in and so far only Wiggles purrs when he’s upset as well as when he’s happy.

And he purrs all the time.

I have no idea what’s going on with him most of the time. Is he purring because he’s hungry, happy dinner is coming soon, He’s always purring. Purring when he’s being fussed, purring in his sleep, purring when Snappy rugby tackles him for a hug. Purring when I’m trying to get rid of the damn blackheads on his chin (see above). Always purring.

The other four only purr when they’re happy. Kitten only purrs when she’s being fussed and she already relaxed or when she’s with her grandaddy cat Reb. Merry purrs between the hours of ten at night and two in the morning when it’s her designated fuss time (designated by her, not us). Thos four idiots are easy to figure out (well) but Wiggles, is always bloody purring.

Grass Is Good For Cats

In his favourite baking tray.

I had a dog when I moved to Wales called Danny. He was a cairn terrier, the runt of the litter, my parents didn’t expect him to live for more than two years cause he had a suspected hole in his heart (jokes on them he died at fifteen). He would eat grass and one of two things would happen. He would throw up grass or he would have green diarrhoea.

My cats eat grass and when I first saw Wiggles doing it I lamented the fact I would see it’s unpleasant green return from either end. Or knowing Wiggles both just to wind me up. When neither happened, my wife explained that grass is good for cats, and it aids in their digestive system.

And, and, you can actually buy grass for cats in little posts. Just in case you live in a block of flats in the middle of the city devoid of grass (or they’re indoor cats like mine were before we had a child).

Cats Are Idiots

You know all those cats on films, evil geniuses and tv cats that catch mice and are almost useful. Yeah, no, What I have are four idiots and a Hollywood cat. Kitten is my Hollywood cat. She catches mice (and rats and birds and recently almost caught a shrew) and comes in at dinnertime and uses the catbox we (my wife) made for them if they’re every outside in the cold or wet weather.

The other four are idiots. Even Merry. I mean, on a sliding scale of stupid she’s the smarter of the four, but it’s not a great scale. And it’s pretty a pretty steep drop down to the other three. Merry ate the shrew Kitten had been hunting, either she stole it off Kitten or caught it after it had been traumatised by her. Wiggles ‘caught’ a bird once though I suspect it died of natural causes and fell on his head. The chickens have killed more rodents than the four of them put together.

Reb must’ve been able to catch animals once upon a time. I mean he was wild and free before moving in with us and definitely not underfed. Though he could’ve been hitting up crazy cat lady every day and a few other old ladies in the village. Stink is an idiot but a sweet idea, however, he is the only cat I know of that does not land on his feet.

I’ve seen him do it once, from a foot in the air. Any higher and he belly flops or lands on his side.

These cats have nine lives and this is what they’ve chosen.

Cats Will Sleep Anywhere

“If I fits I sits.” is definitely and sadly very true. And so is ‘If I don’t fits I sits’ because, well, see above.

Right now, our current problem is the fact that Reb keeps trying to sleep in my wife’s tray of pea seedlings. There is a circle that has not sprouted that matches his bum. It’s not evidence you can take to court, mostly because you could get laughed at but considering we’ve seen him sitting on said peas is pretty damning.

I’ve seen then sleep sitting up in boxes, curled up like doughnuts on counters or cushions or on top fo my PlayStation four – that’s a very popular place right now as it heats up when we’re playing video games. Kitten likes to sit on shelves. Wiggles likes to go to sleep loafing on my wife’s back at night. We usually have one cat in bed with us at night. They also sleep in Snappy’s cot – sometimes with him but they usually wait until he’s asleep first before getting in.

They will sleep on top of each other too, my three boys sleep in a big gay cat pile sometimes and I’m not even sure how they all breathe in there. Especially whoever’s at the bottom. For over a year they’d been slipping in an old rusty baking tray we’d been using to catch water from a potted plant. They killed the plant by knocking it over and then took over the pan. We put a blanket it in it because it was pathic. At Christmas, we upgraded them to a wicker biscuit.

Only for them to ignore it so they could sit on the peas…

I could go on. And on. And on.

Cats Will Eat (Almost) Anything

I’ve talked about this before, and as mentioned above, cats will eat vomit. And not just their own. They will also pretty much eat everything else ever. The only thing they won’t eat is chocolate. I’ve noticed a couple of times now that they will not steal chocolate. It’s like they know its poison. Which seems unlikely cause they’re idiots (see above) but possible.

However, they will eat anything and everything. Wiggles especially – I’ve written about it before.  He will pretty much eat most veg and anything else you don’t want him to have. I need to write part two on the things he stolen and eaten. It’s such a big problem now that we have to feed him in a  special bowl and lock him in the bathroom on his own.

Kitten has eaten mice, rats, birds and shrews so far. that we know of at least. its good that she can kill rats but not so great for the other small creatures.

Easy(ish) To Look After (very) Hard To Live With

Don’t get me wrong I love my cats a lot. Even when they’ree in the way causing me injuries and generally being a pain in the arse. I don’t nee anymore though, no matter how sweet the ginger Tom is. I could do with fewer cats but I’m stuck with them now.  The Cats are jerks but they’re my jerks.

I’m sure there is more to learn too, and there is more to say. What have you learnt about your pets? Anything weird or unusual? Let me know in the comments.

The post Cats Are Idiots: Six Things I’ve Learnt About Cats appeared first on Queer Little Family.

from WordPress https://ift.tt/2GzmW6L via IFTTT

[paulmccartneyofficial]

for the ask thing: 1-150 🙂

ok charlie let’s fuckin go

here they ALL are

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

something tells me its steve rogers boy………

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

outgoing lmao

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

christine this summer :-)

4. Are you easy to get along with?

for the most part, but sometimes I Get In A Mood™

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

uhhhh i dont really like anyone right now?? um. the last person i liked, possibly, since that’s what i did for him. but uh. the only person i fancy rn is like paul or rumours lindsey and like paul would definitely take care of me but if im drunk and with rumours lindsey then that means lindsey is also drunk and there’s no hope left for either of us

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

k personality wise, christine says im attracted to “bad boys” which like is probably true??? idk. often artsy and aesthetically pleasing peeps ?? i dont knwo

LOOKS wise, my sister in law has pointed out that every guy i have liked has a square-ish face and has dark features and often times blue eyes, but not always. see: lindsey and sebastian stan. so i guess i have a type ????? lol

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

probably not lmao i dont have time 4 that

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

uh…………..sorry but its lindsey buckingham :/

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

not really no lol just uh. nonconsensual sex makes me uncomfortable lmao

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

@stevieselectricskillet

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

“me: pretends i’m not paul mccartney trash anymore”

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

oohh. uh. stockholm syndrome by one direction, stephanie by buckingham nicks, go insane (live in 1997) by lindsey buckingham, hold me by fleetwood mac, bright by zayn

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

i fucking love it

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

yes yes yes

15. What good thing happened this summer?

i literally went the entire summer without smoking weed once after smoking like every day of senior year lmao

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

no

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

of course?? im not an idiot

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

we actually reconnected over the summer after like 14 years of no communication but we’re both very different now so we don’t really talk anymore

19. Do you like bubble baths?

i live for them

20. Do you like your neighbors?

yes! i love them all. they make coming home from school wonderful

and as for at school, i only hang out with my neighbors p much

21. What are you bad habits?

i pull out my hair unfortunately. sometimes i’ll pick at my nails if they’ve chip on their own.

22. Where would you like to travel?

england, italy, montreal, los angeles, ireland, lebanon, scotland, ancient greece, turks and caicos, the bahamas, hawaii (solely for the set of lost and jurassic park), and wherever hobbiton is

23. Do you have trust issues?

half of my anxiety is a result from trust issues so ya lmao

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

my hour long shower that i take because i’m living at school and i am allowed to use as much hot water as i want

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

double chin! :)

26. What do you do when you wake up?

check my phone/send snap streaks out/put on whatever song is stuck in my head when i wake up

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

i really don’t care about my skin color why is this a question

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

a few people. mary, lexi, and amanda, mostly.

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

unfortunately……..

30. Do you ever want to get married?

yes

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?

its currently in one

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

uhhh…….. i’m not the threesome type .… . if i had to choose two celebs for that particular situation tho, then harry s. and zayn, hands down.

33. Spell your name with your chin.

ww2gffg (egg) / kaeskiu (kaeli)

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

i used to play baseball, but i don’t anymore. however, i, too, boogieboard, like lindsey buckingham does. disclaimer: i have been doing this sport since i was a small kid, thus, i have been doing it longer than i have known about lindsey buckingham. i truly wish we did not have this in common

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

tv hands down im not dumb

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

of course?? isn’t that part of life

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

i don’t say anything. i just embody an ellipses by crafting a particular look on my face with raised eyebrows and unamused eyes. if nothing comes of it, then i usually let out a sigh and look off to the side like a dramatic bitch. i am a kim k gif

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

the main male character of my book is sort of my dream guy so there’s that.

he’s got a knack for aestheticism through artistic values, ambition and true passion in the work he does. he’s very sarcastic and funny, yet somehow still sweet with it. wouldn’t hurt a fly. hates trump’s guts and understands that feminism isn’t about him. has his privilege in check. he and i understand each other in a bond that no one else has with us. it is good. it is sweet. i am in a constant state of awe and shock of how in love with him i am. im even continuously falling for him more and more every day.

it is good and we are happy and we know each other better than anyone else.

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

lush

40. What do you want to do after high school?

i am out of high school and chillin in college my friends. im gonna do some art

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

always. if they can recognize their flaws and truly try to work at them, then yes. they deserve a second chance.

there is always more light for us to see.

42. If you’re being extremely quiet what does it mean?

im either extremely depressed or just salty

43. Do you smile at strangers?

yes, all the time. i believe that a simple smile from anyone can sometimes be enough to change someone’s day.

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

space.

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

either the state of my hair, my bladder, or my stomach.

46. What are you paranoid about?

being secretly hated.

47. Have you ever been high?

yes, too many times

48. Have you ever been drunk?

ya about 9 hours ago to be exact

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

honestly i fuck up so often that ya, i probably have

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

black??? i think? wow. i am now realizing that i’ve actually #MovedOn from the hoodie life. tragic

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

i am in a constant state of wishing i were stevie nicks

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

i really wish i had bigger hands so i could play a normal sized guitar

53. Favourite makeup brand?

um im cheap i thought sephora was a brand for like 2 years so that one time i think cover girl had a star wars line?? that was cool i own a few of those lipsticks

54. Favourite store?

its still lush

55. Favourite blog?

@lindseybuckingham

56. Favourite colour?

yellow

57. Favourite food?

ravioli

58. Last thing you ate?

a granola bar i think

59. First thing you ate this morning?

i pulled an all nighter its now 6:30 in the morning and i have yet to eat

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

i’ve gotten gold at a few jazz band and chorus competitions and then one time my DI team won our districts competition but only by default

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

hahahaha i was suspended senior year for leaving school early with two of my gal pals to get breakfast at our favorite breakfast joint. we were supposed to have at-home suspension, but our drama club show was that weekend, which meant we’d be kicked out of the show last minute. i look about 12 years old and i have doe eyes with long eye lashes. i cried my way out of that shit and saved both of my two gal pals in doing so, too.

we ended up all having in-school suspension with each other. so essentially, they locked me and my two friends in a room for an entire school day. we could do whatever we wanted.

we actually ended up acting out the entirety of the play, antigone, for our teacher that stayed with us. and then we wrote a song about a turkey named dave.

it was actually one of the best days of my high school career.

62. Been arrested? For what?

no but i cried one time when a police officer pulled me over for having a tail light out.

63. Ever been in love?

unfortunately, yes.

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

i was a freshman. his name was alex and he was older than me and he really liked me and he was pretty cool and easy to talk to and stuff but also. he was greasy and did nothing with his life at the time. haha. and then one day, he and his friend, who also liked me, both separately asked me what class i had last. it was history. alex showed up at the door first, and he took my hand. the other boy showed up and was like “oh”. then i kinda just shrugged to his friend and we left him there. i felt like i was on the bachelorette.

then he walked me to my bus and just kissed me. and like we never officially said it but i guess we were dating from that point on?

it was quite exciting at the time.

65. Are you hungry right now?

no i took a medication that sort of ceases hunger.

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

woah. uh. well some of my real friends are also on tumblr which is cool.

its kind of a weird question. i love them all equally? just in different ways. my real life friends are all people that i hang around constantly. i have deep conversations with them. i do crazy things with them. i love them.

my tumblr friends, however, are all a gift. there’s more of a set bond with them; we’re all friends not because we see each other all the time, but because we all have common interests and similar personalities.

tumblr friends are actually pretty cool. if you can maintain a friendship like that through long distance, then it’s gotta mean something pretty big, right?

i text and communicate with my tumblr friends a lot more than my real life friends, actually. if i’m on my phone when hanging out with my friends, i can guarantee you i’m texting my tumblr friends.

it’s pretty sweet.

67. Facebook or Twitter?

twitter because no one in my family has one except my brother who i tell everything to

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

tumblr, obviously.

69. Are you watching tv right now?

no, i’m making this long ass post.

70. Names of your bestfriends?

irl: mary, lexi, amanda, my sister christine, my brother steven, my sister-to-be jenna, chris, cammi, jack.

tumblr: kate, emilie, ryan, charlie, lola, brooke, james, sophie, ken, erin, pickles, luki, kimber.

71. Craving something? What?

wine

72. What colour are your towels?

grey. all of them. at home, they’re tan.

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

three normal pillows, one pillow pet, and one angry emoji pillow that i made and now hug because i’m a lonely fuck

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

i have one chewie plush thing and an old bruins bear that i often kick off my bed back at home.

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

those are the only 2 i think

although i currently have the marsh hall monkey from community council that was given to me for one week and i’ve had it for like 3 months because i haven’t bothered to pass it on to someone

75. Favourite animal?

i am a kitty lover

76. What colour is your underwear?

yellow :~)

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

chocolate

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

java crunch (its coffee ice cream with chocolate covered coffee beans)

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

its a black jonas brothers shirt that i got when i was 10. i am often found wearing this shirt

80. What colour pants?

grey sweatpants

81. Favourite tv show?

friends

82. Favourite movie?

i will always be star wars trash

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

mean girls ??? if u favor mean girls 2, then ur a sinner

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

mean girls, obviously. im not a heathen

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

regina’s mom

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

crush

87. First person you talked to today?

amanda, probably

88. Last person you talked to today?

u, charlie

89. Name a person you hate?

eric clapton or liam. i can’t decide

90. Name a person you love?

my birth mother because she is one of the strongest people i know. honest to god, there is not a single person on this planet that i am more proud of than her.

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

myself

92. In a fight with someone?

the boy i Once Loved™

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

way too many, my friend

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

also way too many. like, at least 5

95. Last movie you watched?

…….new moon…….

96. Favourite actress?

carrie fisher

97. Favourite actor?

robert downey jr.

98. Do you tan a lot?

like go to a tanning salon? no. i’m broke. and i wouldn’t waste my money on that anyway.

in a general sense? yes. i tan very easily. my genes are very kind to me in that i don’t burn when i go out in the sun. except for my nose. :/

99. Have any pets?

i have a little calico kitty named beanie and she is my light.

100. How are you feeling?

well, given that i haven’t slept in 19 hours, i’d say pretty good.

101. Do you type fast?

apparently i type extremely fast and it blows a lot of people away

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

oh, honey. don’t we all?

103. Can you spell well?

yes, but i always have those moments where i second guess myself or have a brain fart on a very common word.

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

i miss my old best friend, freddy, more than ever now. i haven’t seen him since graduation last year, which isn’t that long, but it’s long enough. he and i were like brother and sister in elementary school and even now. he’s the kind of friend that i have gone years without talking to, but then the moment we finally speak to one another, it’s like nothing ever happened.

he and i were both accepting of each other and supportive of each other in some of the hardest times of our lives. when the other kids bullied him for playing with polly pockets on the playground, i joined him in playing with them. we were inseparable from then on. when my mother came out to me and my parents divorced, he was the one i talked to. when he was coming to terms with his sexuality and discovering who he was as a person, i was always the person he was fully open with.

and after drifting away and not talking to each other for a few years, i went to him after being assaulted. i told him everything. and he believed me–he was the one who listened when i felt like no one else was. he offered me that shoulder. he understood and was there with me, through thick and thin.

and at the end of our senior year, through many tears, we said our goodbyes.

i’ve never felt more empty without someone ever.

(p.s. this made me just text him) 

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

yes ofc haha

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

……ya don’t drag me tho. u woulda too

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

a long time ago, yes

108. What should you be doing?

i legit should be asleep and i’m not……

109. Is something irritating you right now?

there’s a sore pain in my left shoulder–probably from knots in the muscle. i can’t do much about it.

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

ohhhh, boy. yes.

111. Do you have trust issues?

wasn’t this at the beginning

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

amanda that one time we watched that video of stevie and lindsey crying while performing “say goodbye”

113. What was your childhood nickname?

KP, KP Duty, Kales

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

yeah thank god

115. Do you play the Wii?

i don’t own one, but when the opportunity presents itself for mariokart or just dance, i’m there

116. Are you listening to music right now?

ya, hey girl by lady gaga ft. florence is on rn

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

i don’t eat chicken

118. Do you like Chinese food?

chinese food makes me feel bloated and gassy and it smells that way too even though it smells good so i’ll probably have to decline and say no, i do not really care for it

119. Favourite book?

harry potter and y&b

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

it depends on how dark it is and if im alone or not

121. Are you mean?

everyone’s a little mean

122. Is cheating ever okay?

cheating is wrong, always. but if an instance happens where someone kisses another individual spontaneously, they have two ways they can clear themselves up from it: don’t do it again and tell your partner that it happened. do not get upset if they’re not happy with you/leave you, because you’ve done them wrong. or, if you’ve done it with an individual that you have fallen or are already in love with, then you should leave your partner immediately.

sleeping with someone is not okay. if you have sex with someone else, then you should tell your partner and don’t get mad when they leave you. if you love the other person, then leave your partner for them.

and always tell the truth.

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

someone asked me this today, actually. bizarre. i’d like to think so. i don’t go through huge measures to keep them clean–i just don’t drag them in the dirt.

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

yes. of course.

125. Do you believe in true love?

yes. you can fall in love with people. you can always be happily in love multiple times in your life. a true love, however, is the one that meant the most.

paul mccartney? he’s married, but his true love was linda. lindsey buckingham? he’s also married, but his true love is stevie and even he does not deny that. stevie nicks? she’ll deny it all she wants, but we all know, including herself and lindsey, that lindsey is also her true love. troy and gabriella? we all know the answer.

true love is real.

126. Are you currently bored?

clearly since i’ve spent like. three hours working on this jesus fuck

127. What makes you happy?

music, people, family, and life.

128. Would you change your name?

i love my name. it was my mother’s gift to me when she brought me into this little world. i am blessed to have a mother that i love so much and that loves me so much. when i think it, i think of her and her silly story of how she came up with it. i identify with it strongly for this reason–it is a constant connection to my mother.

the only thing i’m actually planning is to add the middle name “jane”, as my mother has always calls me by “kaeli jane”. she wishes she thought of that before she named me, as she loves it so much more now.

129. What your zodiac sign?

capricorn

130. Do you like subway?

this is so vague. the restaurant? the transportation?

i’m don’t particularly care for either one. mixed feelings.

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W-TE_Ys4iwM

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

this is another repeat

@stevieselectricskillet

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

And he was just like a great dark wingWithin the wings of a stormI think I had met my match

He was singing and undoing the laces

134. Can you count to one million?

what kind of question is this

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

any post with mclennon that i make is a dumb ass lie

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

closed

137. How tall are you?

5 feet tall :/

138. Curly or Straight hair?

my hair is normally straight but sometimes some of the front strands just naturally have banana curls and i don’t understand how it happens but also im not complaining

139. Brunette or Blonde?

brunette my friend

140. Summer or Winter?

i always used to say winter and then winter always comes and i always want to die so summer

141. Night or Day?

night

142. Favourite month?

december because im narcissistic and love my birthday month the best

september is also a good month. lots of good songs about it and also a very lucky month for me in the past

143. Are you a vegetarian?

i only eat turkey when i have to eat meats (i.e. being home with my parents for a week, when the vegetarian options at my school are heavily cream based, as i am lactose intolerant, etc.) but i typically choose not to eat meat

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

dark chocolate

145. Tea or Coffee?

coffee in the morning and tea at night

146. Was today a good day?

sure, i suppose

147. Mars or Snickers?

mars

148. What’s your favourite quote?

“I take back like half of the exclamation points.....they make me look....eager to please. Which I AM....but I don’t want anyone to KNOW that” - Carrie Fisher

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

yes omg

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

“The months March, April, May, June, and July should not be abbreviated when used to indicate a specific date.”

[bcdgirlsclub-a-blog]

✩ - Styles and Bliss

@gcldthrone

Disagreements:

Who is more likely to raise their voice?: Lexi. Girl gets mad if you look at her funny.Who threatens to leave but never actually does?: Allen. He does it to get Lexi to snap back to reality.Who actually keeps their word and leaves?: Lexi. She’s not going to stick around in a relationship that’s clearly failing.Who trashes the house?: Neither of them.Do either of them get physical?: Oh hell no. After what Lexi went through with Matt, if Allen even thought about it she’d lose her mind.How often do they argue/disagree?: Not very often, surprisingly.Who is the first to apologise?: Allen because Lexi is stubborn as fuck.

Sex:

Who is on top?: Lexi likes to ride her man.Who is on the bottom?: ^^ unless Allen feels like being on top for a change.Who has the strangest desires?: Neither of them really.Any kinks?: Lexi kinda likes having her pigtails pulled during sex.Who’s dominant in bed?: Allen.Is head ever in the equation?: Pretty much all the time.If so, who is better at performing it?: Lexi will willingly let Allen have that one.Ever had sex in public?: I mean, she gave him a handjob in the back of the u/ber.Who moans the most?: Allen.Who leaves the most marks?: Lexi tries not to, but she can’t help herself sometimes.Who screams the loudest?: Lexi. For damn sure.Who is the more experienced of the two?: Allen has been doing it for longer but Lexi has had more partners.Do they ‘fuck’ or ‘make love’?: It started out as fucking but they make love now.Rough or soft?: Lexi likes it rough. My little kinky fairy.How long do they usually last?: A decent amount of time. Like a few hours.Is protection used?: Seeing as Lexi is the woman’s champion and Allen has like fifty kids (lol) it’s a necessity.Does it ever get boring?: With these two? Nah.Where is the strangest place they’d have sex?: Storage closet at J/oe L/ouis A/rena.

Family:

Do your muses plan on having children/or have children?: Allen already has a few, and Lexi would be open to having some in the future.If so, how many children do your muses want/have?: Allen has three boys and a girl, and Lexi’s always wanted a daughter.Who is the favorite parent?: Allen.Who is the authoritative parent?: Allen. Lexi tries but Allen’s oldest boy is like the same size as her, how can you yell at a child that’s taller than you?Who is more likely to allow the children to have a day off school?: Lexi, probably.Who lets the children indulge in sweets and junk food when the other isn’t around?: Lexi. Her cheat day probably coincides with when she sees the kids so she’s like “you know what ice cream sounds like a good idea”Who turns up to extra curricular activities to support their children?: They both do. Lexi takes awhile to tho cause she’s not sure if it’s her place.Who goes to parent teacher interviews?: Allen.Who changes the diapers?: They take turns but that god A/nney’s on her way out of them.Who gets up in the middle of the night to feed the baby?: If any of the kids wake up and are hungry Lexi’s the one who’ll get them some food.Who spends the most time with the children?: Allen.Who packs their lunch boxes?: Lexi likes to.Who gives their children ‘the talk’?: Allen will with the boys, and when it comes time Wendy and Lexi will talk to little Anney.Who cleans up after the kids?: The grown kids clean up after themselves, and everyone helps clean up after the little one.Who worries the most?: Allen.Who are the children more likely to learn their first swear word from?: Lexi.

Affection:

Who likes to cuddle?: They both do.Who is the little spoon?: Lexi, homegirl is the personification of little spoon.Who gets naughty in the most inappropriate of places?: Lexi.Who struggles to keep their hands to themself?: Lexi again.How long can they cuddle until one becomes uncomfortable?: Pretty much all night.Who gives the most kisses?: Allen, because Lexi gets tired of having to jump up to give her man a kiss.What is their favourite non-sexual activity?: Working out, probably.Where is their favourite place to cuddle?: The couch or bed.Who is more likely to playfully grope the other?: Allen, probably, when Lexi isn’t paying attention.How often do they get time to themselves?: They get a decent amount of alone time.

Sleeping:

Who snores?: Allen.If both do, who snores the loudest?: N/ADo they share a bed or sleep separately?: They share a bed.If they sleep together, do they cozy up together or lay far apart?: They cuddle up close together.Who talks in their sleep?: Neither.What do they wear to bed?: Allen will wear his sweats and Lexi sticks with a t-shirt and panties.Are either of your muses insomniacs?: Lexi can be sometimes.Can sleeping pills be found by the bedside?: No.Do they wrap their limbs around each other or just lay side by side?: Limbs wrapped around each other.Who wakes up with bed hair?: Lexi, especially if it falls out of the bun.Who wakes up first?: They wake up around the same time cause Allen sets an alarm at early af o clock.Who prepares breakfast in bed for the other?: Lexi will go pick up coffee or something.What is their favourite sleeping position?: Allen on his back, with Lexi on her side in the crook of his arm with her arm slung around his waist.Who hogs the sheets?: Lexi.Do they set an alarm each night?: Yes.Can a television be found in their bedroom?: Yeah but Allen shuts it off after Lexi falls asleep.Who has nightmares?: Lexi has them now and again about her ex.Who has ridiculous dreams?: Lexi, see above.Who sprawls out and takes up most of the bed?: Lexi, girl is tiny af but she can take up a bed.Who makes the bed?: Lexi. She can’t leave a messy bed.What time is bed time?: Any time between midnight and two AM.Any routines/rituals before bed?: Showers, maybe fool around a bit and then bed.Who’s the grumpiest when they wake up?: Lexi. By far.

Work:

Who is the busiest?: They’re both pretty busy, but Lexi’s champ right now.Who rakes in the highest income?: Allen.Are any of your muses unemployed?: No.Who takes the most sick days?: Neither of them. Not their style.Who is more likely to turn up late to work?: Lexi, probably.Who sucks up to their boss?: Neither of them.What are their jobs?: W/W/E/ SuperstarsWho stresses the most?: Allen.Do your muses enjoy or despise their careers/occupations?: They adore them.Are your muses financially stable?: Very much so.

Home:

Who does the washing?: They both do.Who takes out the trash?: Whoever’s near it when it’s full.Who does the ironing?: The people at the dry cleaners.Who does the cooking?: Both of them do.Who is more likely to burn the house down just trying?: Lexi, if she’s not paying attention.Who is messier? : Lexi. But she’s trying lol.Who leaves the toilet roll empty?: Neither of them,Who leaves their dirty clothes on the floor?: Allen and it drives Lexi UP THE FUCKING WALL.Who forgets to flush the toilet?: Neither of them.Who is the prankster around the house?: They both get each other.Who loses the car keys when it comes time to go somewhere?: Allen.Who mows the lawn?: Allen.Who answers the telephone?: Whoever is near it when it rings, unless Lexi reads the caller ID and it’s his ex wife.Who does the vacuuming?: Lexi.Who does the groceries?: Lexi.Who takes the longest to shower?: Allen, gdi.Who spends the most time in the bathroom?: Allen god dammit.

Miscellaneous:

Is money a problem?: The farthest thing from.How many cars do they own?: Like three.Do they own their home or do they rent?:Own.

Do they live near the coast or deep in the countryside?: Neither.Do they live in the city or in the country?: Kinda in the middle of  both.Do they enjoy their surroundings?: Yes.What’s their song?: Sugar by Maroon 5.What do they do when they’re away from each other?: Probably text each other and Lexi spams him with pouting selfies.Where did they first meet?: Backstage at S/mackdown.How did they first meet?: Introduced by like B/ecky or someoneWho spends the most money when out shopping?: Lexi.Who’s more likely to flash their assets?: Allen.Who finds it amusing when the other trips over?: They both find it amusing cause they’re kidsAny mental issues?: Lexi still has lingering issues from her eating disorder.Who’s terrified of bugs?: LEXI JESUS CHRIST. She sees a centipede it’s game over.Who kills the spiders around the house?: Allen.Their favourite place?: Their house or anywhere the other is.Who pays the bills?: They pay their own bills unless it’s something they got together, then they split it.Do they have any fears for their future?: Lexi’s afraid Allen won’t want to have another child with her. Who’s more likely to surprise the other with a fancy dinner?: Allen.Who uses up all of the hot water?: Lexi.Who’s the tallest?: Allen lol.Who’s more likely to just randomly hop into the shower with the other?: Lexi, and she likes to scare the hell out of him.Who wanders around in their underwear?: Lexi.Who sings the loudest when singing along to the radio?: Lexi, especially if it’s a song Allen hates.What do they tease each other about?: Music tastes, height, etc.Who is more likely to cringe at the other’s fashion sense at times?: Lexi at Allen hardcore.Do they have mutual friends?: Yeah! B/ecky, S/asha, N/attie, etc.Who crushed first?: Lexi on Allen for sure.Any alcohol or substance related problems?: No.Who is more likely to stumble home, drunk, at 3am?: Lexi.Who swears the most?: Lexi.