#both of them learn they're capable of gentle love

[fluffydice]

KuboSai headcanons, thank you @yellowheartz for setting this sacred duty upon my shoulders, mwah <3

Kusuo tends to look over at Aren for reassurance when he’s nervous, b/c he knows he’s a safe constant, one he can rely on to not bail on him for his ‘weird quirks.’ Aren does the exact same thing, except his is ensuring he has an ally to guard his back

Aren likes seeing Kusuo step outside his comfort zone with his clothing! (And yes, b/c he’s a teenager, he likes seeing Kusuo wear things that show off his legs and the like)

Kusuo takes Aren shopping with him under the guise of wanting to buy clothes for his time as Kuriko. It’s not...a lie...but he’s seen the way Aren sometimes looks at the clothes in the woman’s section

He buys Aren a simple skirt and coaxes him into wearing it. It takes a lot to convince the guy that he wont laugh, but once he does Kusuo is so glad he did b/c Aren just stares in the mirror for a while, swaying his hips and watching the way his skirt moves around his knees

They make each other feel very pretty. Kusuo is insecure about his smile, and Aren is nervous about not always expressing himself as a man. Both of them think the other is crazy for thinking those things about themselves

Kusuo likes to be carried where he can wrap his legs around Aren’s waist and sling his arms around his neck. He’s okay with be carried in public, but will pretend to be grumpy and pout about it

Aren will only let himself be carried when they’re alone. He likes the princess carry, b/c all he has to do is let himself be supported. It’s one of the few things that can turn him into a flustered, shy mess

Kusuo loves watching Aren work on his bike, work out, or perform literally any type of manual labor, for reasons you can probably guess

Aren notices this and often teases him by flexing or stretching. Kusuo knows he’s been caught and turns bright red

Kusuo steals all of his boyfriend’s jackets. Aren has to negotiate for them back when it gets chilly

The way Kusuo gets most of the jackets is that Aren will put them down for 2 seconds, he’ll come back, and Kusuo is curled up in it. He doesn’t have the heart to take it back, b/c Kusuo is so cute

Aren thinks Kusuo is the cutest thing ever, and takes pains to inform him as often as possible

Matsuzaki ships them. That’s it, that’s the headcanon

Kusuo gifts him a stuffed animal. Aren is fascinated, and he’s even more excited when his dad doesn’t say anything about it b/c it’s from Kusuo

A lot of Kusuo’s gifts are things like fluffy blankets or stuffed animals b/c Aren never got to truly indulge in these comforts 

Aren likes having Kusuo read to him. Kusuo likes having Aren read to him. They flip a coin to decide who reads out-loud 

If it’s Aren, he pulls the “I’m bad at reading” card. Kusuo tells him it’s practice

If it’s Kusuo, he pulls the “I’m bad at speaking” card. Aren tells him it’s practice

Kusuo has a jealous streak a mild wide. He doesn’t actually do anything, he just sits there and glowers at the floor or his desk until Aren comes by to tease him and kiss it better. Kusuo tends to be smug when getting these kisses

Aren bakes Kusuo chocolate for Valentine’s Day. His mom and him try to figure out how to wrap it up nice and pretty

Aren helps Kusuo with the social aspect of school, while Kusuo helps Aren with academics. It works well, especially when the payment is kisses

They love sleeping and napping together. It ensures they’re safe while allowing them to be certain the other is, too

Aren uses all kinds of nicknames: sweet thing, doll, princess, etc. His favorite is brat though

If Aren sits down for too long, Kusuo is there to take a seat on his lap. Aren has to be careful, b/c if Kusuo falls asleep, he has to cancel his plans for an hour b/c he would rather die than wake his boyfriend up

Aren loves driving Kusuo on his motorcycle! It’s one of his favorite things, being done with his favorite boy

They’re motivated to heal b/c they want the future with each other they dream of

[runariya]

I am in love with that Jk merman story of yourssss , you are such a talented author !!!! Keep it up with the good work .

Even i want to request a prompt after that story because i believe only you have the capability to bring that prompt to life (only if you want to write ofcourse, no pressure )

I have never read an ABO fic with enemies to lovers troupe in modern era , I mean just imagine them being the high-school academic rival wolves who can't bear standing eachother

but the moment they turn 18 and their wolves will develop some special senses and powers, they both will realise that they both are actually mates . damnnn now image the strong pull their wolves will feel towards eachother making them go crazy ( their wolves will fall in love with eachother the moment they will recognize eachother as mate and start rebelling their human counterparts and start convincing them to love eachother too .)

and how bad they will try to hide it , deny their wolves forbid their animal counterparts from eachother only to fail miserably in the end because yeah that mate bond will win 🥹

You can choose any BTS member you want because I love and enjoy reading all seven of them so go for any member you want .

Borahae 💜 , no pressure if you are not interested in writing this prompt , I will still adore you and your work 💜 😘 so feel free to reject this request if you want .

part of the prompt game pairing: alpha!Jungkook x omega!female reader genre: fantasy!AU, "E"2L, ABO, high school romance warnings: Jungkook's the most pitiful teenager in all of existence, bad handling of emotions/feelings, a lot of cliques, denial, a little bit of physical fighting, mentions of blood, lmk if I forgot smth word count: 2.754

a/n: tysm for all your compliments, I'm so flattered 🫂 I've tweaked your request a tiny bit to fit the character of OC better and left out marking etc. bc they're still so young 🥹 hope that's okay 💕

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He hates you.

No, he loathes your entire existence.

That Miss Perfect attitude, excelling in everything you do as if it’s the easiest task in the world. You’ve been enemies since high school started—not because either of you declared it so, but because Jungkook simply can’t stand you.

You, on the other hand, are oblivious to this feud, always kind and friendly towards everyone, especially Jungkook. He doesn’t understand how you do it, staying so humble and kind towards him when he takes every opportunity to throw jabs your way, or cause you minor inconveniences, like not holding the door open or letting you trip more times than he can count.

It’s infuriating to watch you be so lovely, especially when you’re not only the smartest but also the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen—something he will never admit. Ever.

“Jungkook?” Your soft, sweet voice startles him. He’s been too busy glaring at the papers scattered before him, his thoughts circling back to you. There's no one else in the lecture hall, and he didn’t even realise you’d entered. You seem to appear out of nowhere, catching him off guard. “I think you dropped this.”

You’re smiling again, that blinding smile of yours, starry eyes sparkling with joy, courteous as ever. He wants to scream. He doesn’t want this treatment from you, not when you’re a little older than him—well, only two months, but still. You’re 18 now, with your wolf, while he’s not, which only deepens his resentment. Once again, you’re ahead, better at something.

The whole school talked about your wolf. Despite your gentle nature, everyone was shocked to learn after your first turn that you’re an omega—one of the very few in the city, the only one known in school. It’s yet another thing Jungkook can’t stand, especially now that everyone, wolf or not, showers you with attention.

“Not mine,” Jungkook lies through his teeth, eyeing the pencil still held out towards him in your small, delicate hand, your nails perfectly manicured.

“Oh…” you murmur, glancing down at the pencil, your brows drawing together in disbelief. Of course, you don’t believe him. “But it’s got your initials, and it’s the one you’re always using.”

Damn you! Of course, you know it’s his favourite. He should’ve seen this coming.

“You think I’d use it after your germs have contaminated it?” Jungkook scoffs.

“That’s not very kind.” You purse your lips, those beautiful lips.

“It’s the truth, ___.”

“Is it okay if I keep it?”

What?! “What?” Jungkook can’t believe his ears. Why would you want to keep it?

“Can I keep your pen? It would be a waste to throw it away, especially when it looks so cool.” You repeat, smiling again.

The pencil is cool, and Jungkook has half a mind to just snatch it back, but he won’t give in. He won’t concede even the smallest defeat.

“I don’t care,” he grumbles. It’s enough to make you burst with joy, your face lighting up as you clutch the pencil to your chest.

“Thanks, Jungkook! You’re so kind!”

“Whatever.”

And ‘whatever’ indeed, because seeing you every day with his pencil, as if it’s the most precious thing in the world, drives him mad. He regrets his decision. He wants it back. It’s his, and what’s his should stay his, but it isn’t—and it makes him livid.

Livid in a way that fuels his pettiness, pushing him to new lengths to make your life difficult. He puts fake spiders in your bag, bumps into you when you’re struggling with your food tray in the canteen. But all of it is in vain, because you’re an omega—everyone’s darling. Every time something inconvenient happens to you, a horde of people rushes to your aid.

This alone is enough to make Jungkook reconsider his actions—or rather, the attention he’s giving you. It’s not like you care. It’s not like you treat him any differently when he’s mean. So what’s the point? At some stage, he’s not even sure why he started all this, why he loathes you so much. If he’s honest, you’ve never actually wronged him. Not once. And now, he’s running out of ways to break you, to show everyone your true colours, because no one can be this perfect, right?

It’s the Friday before his birthday weekend when you approach him again, this time holding a small present. You look up at him as he stands by his locker.

“Hey, Jungkook,” you say softly.

“What do you want?”

“Uhm, I know Sunday’s your 18th birthday and… well, I know you didn’t invite me to your party, which is totally fine! Don’t get me wrong! But I just wanted to give you this because it’s a big birthday, right? So, yeah…”

The tiny gift is wrapped in floral paper with a neatly tied bow, and it looks exactly how he imagined your presents would. It screams 'you', and he’s unsure what to say. He reckons he should just take it and thank you, but the way you’re looking up at him, so small and kind despite knowing you weren’t invited, bothers him like a sock slipping off mid-walk.

Jungkook reluctantly takes the present, ignoring the slight relieved droop of your shoulders and how your warm, soft fingers brushed softly against his.

“Thanks,” he mumbles, his eyes transfixed on the gift.

“Happy birthday, Jungkook. I hope it’ll be everything you wanted and beyond.”

And with that, you turn away, a light spring in your step, your hair moving behind you like a fairy’s wings.

Jungkook doesn’t waste any time after you leave, ripping the gift open in a rush of curiosity, only to freeze, stunned, when a tiny jewellery box is revealed to him. He’s never received any jewellery before, and the fact that it’s a gift from you—a female ‘stranger’, no less—makes his nerve endings prickle with discomfort. The idea of receiving something so personal feels wrong somehow, and yet, despite this strange feeling creeping over him, he still finds himself opening the small red box.

Inside, nestled on an equally red velvet cushion, is a delicate necklace with a pendant that bears his initials. It’s the prettiest necklace he’s ever seen, and the worst part is that he can already picture himself wearing it, the style so perfectly matching his aesthetic that it’s rather unsettling.

He carefully takes the necklace from the box, letting it twist and turn in the sunlight, the metal gleaming ever so mesmerising. But that’s when he notices an engraving on the back of the pendant, and as he peers closer, he fights the urge to rub his eyes.

You’ve had ‘alpha’ engraved onto it. There’s no way anyone could be so bold as to assume another person’s future rank, and yet here you are, making such an assumption about him. Jungkook can’t help but think maybe he was right all along—there’s something strange about you. You’re just a little too perfect, a little too confident in your kindness, a little too bold in your presumptions.

Shaking his head, he lets the necklace fall back into the box, snapping it shut and tossing it carelessly into his locker, fully intending to forget about it sooner or later. Out of sight, out of mind, right?

Saturday night and Sunday come and go in a blur of noise, people, and anticipation. Jungkook has invited practically everyone he knows to his birthday party, hoping that with the arrival of his wolf, his mate might finally be revealed as well. But no one who attends is his mate, and this realisation drags his mood dangerously low. He feels a nagging stab in his chest that he can’t shake, made even heavier by the recurring thought that you, little Miss Perfect, were right all along—Jungkook has become an alpha, just as you predicted. Typical.

What infuriates him even more is that on Monday morning, as you—like always—walk past his locker on your way to the lecture hall, the world seems to slow around him. He watches in disbelief as you suddenly stop, staring at him with wide eyes that shimmer with unshed tears. You look stunned, but more than that, you look happy, as though you’ve just discovered something wonderful. And then, in the midst of his confusion, his inner wolf starts to go wild, barking ‘mate’ over and over again, leaping with excitement inside him.

It should be a moment of joy, a moment where he feels relief and happiness in finally knowing who his mate is. But instead, all Jungkook feels is denial, a desperate refusal to accept the truth, even though, deep down, he knows that you’re everything he ever wanted in a mate.

Still, he turns away from you, ignoring the way your face crumples, the way your bright, hopeful tears turn into ones of sadness, the way you rush past him with your head down, leaving his wolf whimpering in confusion and hurt. Jungkook tries to convince himself that this can’t be real, that it can’t be right, even though every part of him knows it’s exactly what he wanted, what he’s been waiting for.

In the days that follow, he struggles to keep up his usual routine of tormenting you, making snide remarks whenever he gets the chance, but there’s no joy in it anymore. You’re not kind to him the way you used to be, not anymore. You don’t smile at him, don’t even really smile at anyone; instead, you accept his cruelty with a resigned, sad look in your eyes and a forced, brittle smile that never quite reaches your eyes.

Each day, it becomes harder and harder for Jungkook to suppress his wolf, who clearly isn’t on the same page with his cold treatment of you. His wolf growls at him, restless and unhappy, frustrated with the way things are. And Jungkook knows—he understands why—but he feels trapped.

How could he possibly make things right after all he’s done to you? How could he ever redeem himself after letting his bitterness and resentment carry him so far? It doesn’t help that the necklace you gave him is now tucked securely under his shirt, the cool metal pendant resting against his chest, near his heart, multiplying the ache that’s slowly but surely forming there as well. He fiddles with it absentmindedly, the action soothing in a way he can’t explain, though it only makes the guilt grow.

“Jungkook?”

He no longer startles when you appear, his wolf always sensing your presence before you even speak, and your voice has become so quiet, so broken, that it doesn’t have the same effect it once did.

Looking at you now, standing there with your eyes downcast and your voice soft, makes him wish he could take it all back—every harsh word, every petty action. He wishes he could go back and rewrite everything, build something good between you instead of tearing it down. But it’s too late for that, far too late, and he knows it.

When he doesn’t respond, you gather the courage to continue, your voice wavering slightly. “I know it’s random, but I noticed your grades haven’t been as good as they used to be. I know you’re not the kind of person who needs help, but… if there’s anything I can do, just let me know, yeah?”

He wants to snap at you, wants to push you away, but he’s so exhausted—exhausted from pretending he doesn’t care, exhausted from pretending he hates you, and most of all, exhausted from fighting this undeniable bond between you.

Tears prick at his eyes, overwhelming him with guilt, frustration, and something else he can’t quite name. He’s so fed up with himself, so trapped in the mess he’s made that he doesn’t know how to fix it, doesn’t even know where to start.

“Hey… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you,” you say, your voice tinged with panic now as you shift nervously on the spot, your hands reaching out towards him only to pull back, unsure of what to do. “I’m sorry…”

“Stop!” Jungkook yells, and the sound of his own voice surprises him. You flinch, your entire body recoiling as if he’s physically struck you, your trembling hands clasping tightly in front of you.

“I… I’m sorry.” Your bottom lip quivers, and before Jungkook can say anything else, you turn and run, disappearing down the hall, leaving him standing there with the misery of his guilt pressing down harder than ever.

To think it couldn’t get worse was the stupidest thought Jungkook ever had, because it got worse. Not only did his little outburst suffocate him in guilt, but it also made you avoid him every chance you got. It also didn’t help that most people noticed your changed persona, adding one plus one and recognising Jungkook as the culprit.

He doesn’t fault them, doesn’t really mind the insults coming his way, of being heartless for not wanting a mate like you, when he knows they speak the truth. He doesn’t deserve you, doesn’t deserve someone who he clearly hurts without a true reason.

And the way his inner wolf retreats now from him too, is something he understands as well, because there’s literally nothing he could do to mend what he’s broken.

It’s one afternoon after classes have just finished, and he’s walking out of the school when he notices you cornered against the wall by some other alphas, three in total. Jungkook’s immediately enraged, and it’s then that his wolf rises to full strength, baring his teeth and growling violently.

You’re clearly uncomfortable, clearly scared of what might happen, especially when one of these alphas gets in your face, giving you no way to escape. The last straw for Jungkook is when one runs his filthy finger along your beautiful face.

“Hey!” Jungkook roars, storming towards the alphas who have now turned to laugh in his face. “Back off.”

“What?! She’s fair game.” One mocks, while you’re still pressed against the wall, but your eyes are hopefully locked onto Jungkook.

“I said back off my mate.”

They do, but only to now lunge at Jungkook, thinking that outnumbering him will shoo him away. But it doesn’t—Jungkook won’t let anyone else touch you, his wolf and himself ready to do anything to protect you. And so, Jungkook doesn’t hesitate to take each one of them down.

Driven by adrenaline, he doesn’t notice the sting of the hits he couldn’t block, but it’s nothing compared to the urge to protect you with all he has, all he is.

One after the other falls to the floor, while blood trickles from his split lip, knuckles burning and swollen, his chest still heaving, his wolf still angrily jabbing at the air.

“Jungkook?” His eyes snap up to you when you call for him, and he’s relieved to find no repulsion or fear in them when they lock onto him.

“Are you okay?”

“Thank you,” you nod, and his wolf wags his tail, barking mate, deafening all his other senses.

“Good."

“I’m sorry.”

“Why are you apologising?”

You hesitate, and it makes him feel powerless all over again, but eventually you whisper, “Because I’m not who you wanted.”

It’s broken, it’s defeated, and it’s everything he never wanted his mate to say, because it’s not the truth. Never was. Never will be.

“But you are.” Jungkook tries to smile, despite knowing it’s not hopeful or kind, but sad in all the ways his decisions led it to be.

“I am?”

Seeing your eyes gradually returning to their lively, sparkly self is more than he ever wished to witness, more than he ever should receive, but everything he ever wanted.

“You are. Always were.”

And with that, he opens his arms, stepping over the still-groaning alphas to get closer to you.

With a push off the wall, you sprint into Jungkook’s arms, tears of relief running down your cheeks as he embraces you like you wished he would from the start. But it doesn’t matter, because no time apart could ruin the feeling of him embracing you and your bond.

“I’m sorry,” Jungkook mumbles into your hair, inhaling the magnificent scent of you.

“It’s fine, everything’s fine.”

And as you cling to him, your wolves finally as content as you are, you know that you’d never change a thing, because it’s better to be loved willingly than with no other choice.

[cloudiinumaki]

their love languages (giving)

CHARACTERS ! — suguru geto, satoru gojo, yuji itadori (separate duh)

NOTES ! — yujis one is way shorter sorry lol, i wrote this for mainly geto

WARNINGS ! — you have hair in geto's one

REQUESTS OPEN !

SUGURU.

— i think his love languages would be a mix, but i can definitely see acts of service somewhere in the blend. — as a cult leader, his time's taken up by a lot of his plans and work gaining loyal followers. — but, when he's alone with you, i think a specific act of service of his would be doing your hair. — with how long his hair's gotten, and how beautiful i imagine it to be, he definitely knows how to take care of hair to some extent, and would learn if you had a different type to his. — also, i think it'd be somewhat therapeutic; suguru would find a sort of quiet calm in combing through your hair for you and carefully putting it into a braid for you. — his gentle nature has never truly gone away when it came to you, and so you can trust that he'd never tug unnecessarily on any knots, and would detangle with the greatest care possible. — whenever he'd do this, and you'd do his hair in return (even though he's more than capable of doing it himself), there'd be a quiet, but not uncomfortable atmosphere, words scarcely spoken and simply relaxing in the easy silence.

SATORU.

— i think his love language would probably be more defined as physical touch and gift-giving. — it's something you've grown awfully used to of his, after all. after every mission of his, he'll bring you a gift from a prefecture, gifts that are quite often incredibly difficult or expensive to get. — since he has a terrible sweet tooth, a lot of the time they're famous desserts from these prefectures, and it's become a habit to buy two so you can try them together and rate them. — but, other times, it's stuff you've mentioned offhandedly. satoru probably assumes you're leaving hints for him to get you it, and you're just talking about whatever comes to mind. — still, it is nice to know that he pays so much attention to your conversations, even when you're talking about the most random stuff. — as for physical touch, he literally has to have some closeness to you any time he's around. a casual arm around you, literally it has to be something. — so when he comes back from long missions, just know that his clingy nature around you will only be more and more obvious for a while.

YUJI.

— definitely physical touch and quality time, though quality time probably would take priority. — sometimes, it's you both watching a film together, a film which he inevitably ends up talking through (he can't help it, after all the films gojo made him watch, he's become something of a film critic). — you roll your eyes faintly at how he manages to predict the plot twist, though seeing the enthusiasm on his face, you can't help but smile a little too. — by the time the film's credit scene plays (and he begs that you stick through it in hopes that there's an after credits scene), you're curled up into his side, his arm curved around you gently, like it's natural. — you don't mind this, no, not at all.

[mostlymarvelsstuff]

Moi Devochki: NSFW Alphabet, Omega Wanda

WandaNat Masterlist Marvel Masterlist Moi Devochki Masterlist

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

She is quite clingy, and often worries about coming across as overbearing due to this. But she need not worry, both her mates adore seeing her all soft and cuddly. She is a big fan of soft touches, hands in her hair, and gentle words. Add a bit of praise to the mix, and she's as content as could be.

But all that's not to say she neglects her mates. She's sure to check in and make sure both are feeling alright, and she will eagerly give whatever is needed. Kisses, praise, warm words or  affirming touches. Your comfort means just as much as hers does to her, and she delights in caring for her mates. 

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Her hands are definitely her favorite. Even before getting her powers she felt drawn to them. She’d adorn them with rings and paint her nails to make them look even nicer, and to hopefully draw your attention. Then, when her powers took hold and they became capable of such incredible feats, she felt even more drawn to them. And the fact that she can bring you and Nat such pleasure with just a few touches and movements of her fingers, drives her wild.

Her favorite body part of yours is your neck. It may sound silly, but at the start of your relationship this was a bodypart she had to avoid at all costs. Now that she can safely show her affections, she hardly moves away from that area. She's always nuzzling it, inhaling your scent or kissing your scent gland. She also loves adorning it with hickies as well as tracing over her and Nats marks with her fingers. 

Her favorite part of Nats is her arms. They're quite muscular, so watching them flex and drip sweat while the Alpha works out is a quick way to get her heart rate going. And it amazes her how something so strong can also be gentle enough that she never feels at risk while being in their embrace. Quite the opposite in fact. They offer a safety she's never quite known. And now that she does, she never wants to go without.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Before the two of you had begun your relationship, she would often daydream about getting to eat you out. The question of what you must taste like twirled around her brain more often than she would have liked to have to admit. When she finally got her chance and her tongue was able to swipe through your folds, she swears she almost came from that alone.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

When you were all still unmated, your rooms were close enough together that she could smell your scent when you were in heat. Oftentimes, she found herself pleasuring herself when your smell was strongest. She just couldn't help herself. 

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Before you the only experience she had was with her toys. Once she got with you though, she began to gain some experience. She knows how to pleasure you, what spots are your favorites, what movements elicit what sounds and so on. With Natasha, she's still learning. But despite that, the Alpha praises her for how good she is with her tongue. 

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Missionary. She loves being able to look into her mates eyes, letting them watch her expression change as she watches theirs. It also allows for her to easily wrap her arms around her mate to hold them close, which is something she really enjoys.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Depending on the situation, she can be either. She enjoys being a bit of a tease to her mates and so in turn doesn’t mind when they tease her for being needy. She also is fine with a bit of joking around from all parties. But do these things at the wrong time (aka, when she's in heat) and she will not be very forgiving.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Having hair down there doesn’t bother her, she just keeps it neatly trimmed. And yes, the carpet matches the drapes.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

She's quite romantic. While she absolutely enjoys sex for pleasure, for her it's also all about the bond formed between her and her mates in those little moments of bliss filled intimacy. 

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

She honestly doesn’t partake in masturbation often. You and Natasha leave her pretty fulfilled sexually, and she finds it rather hard to finish without at least the presence of one of her mates.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

She hasn’t really looked too much into it but she's sure she has a praise kink. She just melts whenever Natasha makes a comment on how well she's taking her, whenever either of you comment on how good she is at giving oral, or whenever either of you call her a good girl.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Her nest by far is her most favorite place. Afterall it is an Omegas safespace, and it's not only the first place she got to be with you but also is where Natasha claimed you both. 

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Watching you and Natasha train together gets her worked up pretty fast. There's just something about watching her mates muscles flex as they tussle with sweat dripping from them that she finds very hot.

Any groping done by either of her mates coupled with the dirty words they whisper in her ears instantly have her turned on. She just loves knowing how she worked the two of you up by more than likely just doing normal activities/actions.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

She is absolutely not up for partaking in anything rougher than how Nat handles her during the Alphas ruts. She's seen how some Alphas have treated their Omegas, and while she irrefutably trusts that Natasha would never be so cruel or careless, she finds herself afraid of allowing anything other than soft romantic encounters. This is likely due to the way the Alphas at Hydra pushed both her boundaries and yours while at their facility. 

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

She enjoys receiving oral of course, having your head or Natashas buried between her thighs is a truly incredible and very enjoyable experience. The way that either of you can have her squirming and approaching orgasm with just a few sucks/flicks/thrusts leaves her lightheaded.

But she also really likes giving it. She loves being able to use her mouth to bring pleasure to either of her mates, and she especially enjoys being able to swallow either of her mates cum after she works either up until release.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

She prefers slow and sensual, but when her Alpha is in rut she happily indulges in things a bit more rough/fast. She doesn’t mind the possessive holds or harder thrusts.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

She loves quickies, especially when in heat. In regular life she indulges in them a fair amount, as she finds it very hard to keep her hands off her mates. When in heat its not unusual for her to indulge in several a day through her heats duration.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

She does take risks, her forbidden relationship with you is proof enough of that. She’s down to experiment to indulge in her own kinks or either of her mates, as long as she is comfortable with whatever could occur during that indulging. 

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Her stamina is pretty good as she can go a couple of rounds without being worn out should she wish to indulge. Or even more than that if the rounds are spread out throughout several hours. During her heat her stamina is upped incredibly, and she can easily go for hours before finally succumbing to exhaustion.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

She does have toys, but not many. She has a dildo and a vibrator that she uses on both herself and her Omega when either feel so inclined. Which is usually when Natasha is unavailable.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

She occasionally likes to tease, but honestly she doesn’t usually have the patience to keep it up for very long. When she wants one of her mates, she doesn’t like to wait.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

At first when she was only with you, she had to control her volume. She didn’t allow herself anything more than small gasps, whimpers or stifled moans. But once Natasha enters the picture she's able to let her pleasure be known from either of you. She still tries to not be at full volume as she's sure the rest of the compound wouldn’t appreciate being able to hear her. But she's no longer as shy about being heard.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

She often thinks about what it would be like to be in between you and Natasha. Either with the Alpha fucking her while have her eating you out or you wearing her dildo and making her suck it. Or with Natasha in front of her having her suck her cock with you behind her fucking her with either your tongue or her dildo. Maybe one day she'll actually bring up the idea with you both.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

She has a couple barely visible scars from her childhood encounter with Tonys missile, and a few larger less faded ones from her time in Hydra. On either side of her neck, where it meets her collarbone are her claiming marks from you and Nat. And her pale Slavic complexion shows off her few freckles.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Quite high. As stated before she can be quite needy, is turned on by quite a few things her mates do easily, and is very romantic. She finds it hard to keep her hands to herself which is fitting because her mates find it hard to keep their hands to themselves as well. She honestly finds it hard to contain her horny urges, and is thankful that as long as the three of you are in her room, neither of you mind.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Usually she falls asleep pretty quickly as going a few rounds with each of her mates does tire her out. But she tries her best to stay awake long enough to either help her mates clean herself up, or help clean her mates up and care for them. Unfortunately she isn’t always able to do so, but you and Natasha give her credit for trying and hold no grudges against her.

Taglist: @wandaromamoff69 @when-wolves-howl @danveration @sheneonromanoff @sayah13 @likefirenrain @nighttime-dreaming @chaoticevilbakugo @crystalstark02 @wackymcstupid @lovelyy-moonlight @blackwidow-3 @mistressofinsomnia @that-one-gay-mosquito @yomamagf @yourfavdummy @justarandomreaderxoxo @scoutlp23-blog @whoischanelle15 @lissaaaa145 @eline03 @wizardofstories@imthenatynat @marvelonmymind @fluffyblanketgecko @bitch-616 @dakotastorm @zoomdeathknight @aeroae @sashawalker2 @maggieromanov @doveromanoff @mommyluvu @404-almostdone @tarathia @ayoungexwife @loki-laufeyson68 @elle161989

[utterlyazriel]

whom the shadows sing for — (and the thief's echoing hymn)

a/n: WE MADE IT TO CHAPTER FIVE!! EVERYBODY CLAP!! labour of love fr <3 but we're almost to the scene that sparked the whole freakin series and i. oh man im just yearning for that hurt/comfort

word count: 4.4k

synopsis: You test out if your efforts with the tonics are worth anything and Azriel bestows you with a gift. He asks about the Blood Rite and you ponder the strange, golden thread you've been feeling in your chest. Disaster strikes when night falls.

CHAPTER FIVE :: CONFIDANTS

You look younger in your sleep, Azriel thinks.

He doesn't think he's ever seen you like this before. The hard lines of your face are all smoothed out as you rest, so unlike your usual expression. There's something softer about you.

The constant furrow between your brows is whisked away for once. He can still see the familiar line between your brows though, if he looks close enough.

If he can look past the bruises that mottle your face, that is.

The damage you've sustained from training within the camp is severe enough to curdle something sour in his stomach.

Azriel had held his reservations about his trip back to Velaris— a suspicion that proved to be well founded. His own memories of training at Windhaven provide plentiful ways for you to have ended up in this state.

You’re curled up instinctively in your sleep, wings tucked around yourself. It sews of thread of worry through Azriel's chest, a slight concern at the state of your wounds and how the position will agitate them. While you don't move much in your sleep, he knows from experience that it'll be hell when you finally do stretch back out.

But... he can’t bring himself to wake you. You need the sleep desperately.

Azriel is fairly certain that the huddled form you take is some subconscious way to protect yourself, even in your sleep. Your wings drape across yourself, keeping yourself covered, hidden.

And while that makes some part of Azriel's heart ache, he can't deny that you—it looks… sort of cute.

Azriel forces himself to avert his eyes, ducking his chin for extra measure. Those pesky thoughts were becoming more and more frequent — something that he's pointedly ignoring at this point.

Protect, his shadows whirl around his ears like tiny gusts of wind, whispering their suggestions. Protect, they whisper.

Protect. Both a thought and a feeling. A guiding intuition that seems to reverberate from his very bones.

The suggestion from his shadows isn't entirely left field either, as they always take inspiration from what he can see. From his wandering thoughts, from his prolonged gentle gaze that lays upon you whenever he can.

Azriel scowls lightly at himself. He had no claim to protect you and further more, most Illyrian males like yourself would take great amounts of offence to the mere insinuation. He knows that you are more than capable.

He steals another glance at your peaceful, sleeping figure and his shadows seem to quieten in response— at least about you. The whispers don't ever truly quieten.

Azriel's fairy certain where they're getting their ideas. It's what he wonders too as he takes in your battered face once more—whether it’s the truth or just his familiar brand of desperate hope.

Something that would explain the urge to protect beyond reason.

Something like... a bond forged in starlight.

The Mother's Kiss whistles quietly outside and Azriel shifts his gaze again and this time, it lays upon the Heartstriker.

Sitting atop the one table-top in your shelter, the blade stays sheathed away in the very same bejeweled case that Azriel had found it in. Same as on that very first day he laid his hands on it.

It had been a wretched mission. One of his very first. It was not performed with the eloquence he would come to learn in future years.

Heartstriker had not been the objective of the mission. Far from it, in truth. The objective was a simple stealth reconnaissance into the Court of Nightmares.

He was to delve beneath the rock of the mountain in a mission very similar to his current. Swirlings of rumours and whispers of rebellion, against the new Highlord. Azriel was there to learn who had the guts to pick up the knife and try.

Heartstriker was a ploy. A shiny trick that Azriel had not yet learned how to evade.

He was still a novice by his own standards, only a few hundred years old. Spying in this sense was still fresh, still new. The work he had done under Rhysand's father during the war had been far more reliant on his brute strength. He had strict instructions not to hesitate to draw his blade.

It had taken time to relearn the importance in a message sent with words.

To remember the power of mercy.

This mission had been the first and only time Azriel had underestimated the measures in place in the Court of Nightmares, meant to keep out the likes of him.

His hesitance to kill had given another Fae time to trip an alarm, to flood the room with warriors. So when he had been backed into a corner by the snarling miscreants that lived in the belly of the mountain, taken by surprise, he hadn't hesitated to snatch up any weapon he could reach.

And it had branded him, singeing him right to his core.

But when he tried to force his fingers apart, they wouldn't obey, even as they screamed with the pain of the invisible flames. It was as though his hand had become fused with the blade, each atom of his being completely joined with the bronze of the sword through a terrible, unstoppable and invisible force.

Every part of him shrieked in agony. An age-old fear reared up within him, his hands burning like they were set alight and he could feel the flames licking at his skin, at his hands, could smell the scent of burning flesh—

He had fought on and won, all the same, taking on two battles at once. Fighting foes by real and faux, all whilst burning up from within all the while. The sword was immeasurably heavy and yet too light, all at once.

And only once almost all his enemies were slain, their blood staining the marble floors, did the burning cease. The blade seem to hum in response to the battle— drawn to the final foe who was clawing for his breath through his blood-soaked throat.

The tip of the sword had urged Azriel forward, like pulled by an invisible string, and he let it lead him, plunging the blade through the chest and into the heart of the last enemy left.

Only after, had the humming stopped. The sword finally clattered from Azriel's strong grip, the fusion broken.

His hands were same as ever, mottled with their scars, but with no indication of the burning he knew he had felt.

On his return, Rhys had told him the history of the sword and it's duly fitting name: Heartstriker.

It hadn't been claimed in centuries and as such, naturally it had come to live amongst other cursed objects within the Court of Nightmares. Unable to be used, unless someone bested the pain it took to raise it.

But Azriel had, entirely by accident.

It is said that once mastered, it will always strike true. Rhys had said, violet eyes gleaming as he looked over the bronze sword with piqued interest. That it's more than a regular sword but a living thing you must work in tandem with.

If anyone tries to take it from you, they must suffer the same fate. It can be gifted freely but, He had paused, that smirk that held no warmth in it pulling at his lips. I'm sure you can guess how often that happens down there.

It hadn't been used within the Night Court either, condemned to another hundred years or so without sight of battle. Azriel had more than enough blades of his own. The Illyrian broadsword that he had earned all that time ago in the Blood Rite for a proper battle and his Truth-Teller for the finer details.

Heartstriker wasn't right for his stature. Too short, strange weighted.

He'd kept it all the same. Perhaps, he told himself, to keep some other Fae from suffering the same fate if they laid hands on it.

His hazel eyes drift back across to you, bundled within yourself. You make a noise in your sleep, a gentle snuffle, and Azriel finds himself smiling.

Or perhaps, he thinks, he knew to keep it for entirely other reasons.

—

The quick healing of Illyrian's is more often a blessing than it is a curse.

On today's quiet winter morning, it is somehow both.

When you wake, dragged from your slumber in the early hours, it's before the sun has begun to make an appearance on the horizon. The shelter is coated in a soft darkness of dawn. The trees sway outside, a thousand creatures still roaming amongst their branches, reliant on the dark before daylight breaks.

It's the pain that wakes you, ebbing in through your sleep til it shakes off your sleep. You wake with your teeth already gritted.

The only pleasant surprise is that fact you're not shuddering yourself awake out of a nightmare, especially considering yesterday's training session.

You have a feeling that it has something to do with the sleeping Illyrian, propped up beside the fireplace, keeping watch.

His shadows still move about, even in his sleep. His neck is tucked down, his forehead pressed against his knee. It hides away part his face but as your eyes adjust to the shadowy light, you can make out his closed eyes. His hair looks messier than you've ever seen it.

It can't be comfortable, sleeping the way he is— but you have a feeling that Azriel has slept in places far worse before.

Shifting about in the darkness, your hand comes down to press tenderly at your sides, assessing as quietly as you can. There's no immediate sting of sliced skin as your fingers tips poke and prod at the skin, which makes you sigh in relief. You press down again, at bit harder this time, and it forces a wince out your gritted teeth.

Extremely bruised. But at the very least, the skin has knitted itself together in the nighttime.

Your face still aches, too. It's not quite the same ringing that made both eyes throb painfully yesterday and with a slow wrinkle of your nose, you can assess that the worst of your broken nose has healed up too.

Your ears, however, poses a different problem. One of them, the right side, still rings lightly. It would be more concerning, you think, if the left one itself wasn't so muffled altogether.

Huffing out a breath, you drag yourself up to a sitting position, moving at a tentative pace. Pain ricochets around your body. You're doing the best you can to be quiet but it's futile it seems — there's one creak of the bed as your weight shifts and Azriel's wings twitch, giving him away. He’s awake.

He lifts his head slowly, letting it roll from one side to the next, stretching out his neck. It's the only indication he gives you of feeling sore from his cramped sleep all night, his attentive eyes already watching you closely. His shadows, you notice, seem to gain speed at his rousing— circling his shoulders and neck closely.

You clear your throat and focus your gaze forward, resuming the task at hand. Raising one hand, you snap your fingers beside your left ear, then your right.

Frustration bubbles up inside you as you repeat the motion, as if it’ll change the outcome.

It doesn’t.

At least beyond the ringing, your right ear can hear the snap clearly— a keen Fae sense that like any warrior, you rely heavily on. The left one…

All you can think is that they must have hit you pretty damn hard to leave it as dulled as it feels. It can still hear, thankfully, but the noise that filters through is muffled around the edges. Buzzy. It makes you feel off kilter and unbalanced.

You let your hand drop and try to remain stoic, so used to hiding your emotions away from your face. You don't realise your drooping, limp wings give you away anyways.

Azriel gets to his feet swiftly, the movement so smooth you would have never guessed he spent the night tucked up uncomfortably against the bricks of your fireplace. He regards you with those burning amber eyes and your heart seems to lurch forward in response. You avert your gaze.

"It would seem we have an opportunity to test out our efforts." He says. His voice is still coated in sleep, low and rumbley, and it sends a bright zing down your spine. You lift your gaze from your lap and raise your brows in question.

He waves a hand to the table, in gesture.

Your various ingredients for brewing the tonics stay tucked in one corner, some wrapped up and set beneath the table. There are several different bottles too, stoppered with corks and containing yours and Azriel's attempts at the healing tonics.

It takes another moment to understand what he means.

"No," You say sharply, climbing to your feet. A thousand parts of your ache and groan in protest and you channel your focus into not letting a single ounce of it show.

Rolling your tense shoulders back, you wander towards your armor in slow steady steps. "Those aren't for me. I've healed enough in the night."

"I see." Azriel replies. "Is that why your left ear isn't working right?"

Gaze snapping back to him, you curse his ever-so observant nature. Maybe that's on you for trying to keep a secret from a Shadowsinger.

You are keeping a secret from a shadowsinger, something whispers in you.

A cold flush fills your body, numbing out every nerve for a single moment. The hairs on the back of your neck stand up. Your wings hike up, tuck in. It feels wrong.

For the first time in your life, it feels so so utterly wrong to be keeping this secret from someone. To be hiding who you truly are.

But Azriel... he was a stranger not too long ago, wasn't he? You're not sure if you can even call each other friends, even if you had begun to in your mind, without even realising.

You think back to last night, to when he could have easily lifted your shirt a few inches higher when trying to save your life and known.

Then you wonder if he did — and he hasn't said anything.

If he's waiting for you to trip up, to fess up, to explain to him why you've been lying to him from the moment you first met him.

Azriel seems to sense your internal battle, the same way he seems senses a thousand things from you as though he's known you his whole life. He clears his throat to get your attention. When you focus your vision back on him, you notice one of the bottles is in his scarred fingers.

"I will train you today," He says. "On the condition that you take it."

Your nose twitches. It's an ultimatum. He knows you want to train, to brush off yesterday and let the pain in your body fuel the determination of today but he won't let you do it so carelessly. Bastard.

Before you can blink, he tosses the bottle across to you. You react instinctively, cradling your hands to catch it quickly before you realise what you're doing. Your nose twitches again, a tiny flare of annoyance at his smugness.

No, not smugness. Surety. His expression, bordering on bored, tells you that he knows you don't have any other options— unless you want to climb back into bed and rot for the day.

You yank the cork off the bottle harshly. Then, just to show him how unpleased you are with this, you lob the cork at him with all your might. Your bruised side screams in response. Azriel snatches from the air easily, without so much as a blink.

He looks like he wants to smile but thinks the better of it, placing the cork gently onto the table. "I'll meet you outside." He eyes the uncorked bottle in your hand then back at you. "Drink it. Please."

—

The tonic, as you find out, is only mildly effective.

It's a gutting discovery. The mixture is nowhere near potent enough to fix the level of nerve damage that gets inflicted during clippings if it barely lightens the bruises on your side.

The mottled blue painted on your skin gives way to a light purple, the edges of them retracting to a tinged yellow. The skin glows hot as the tonic works as best as it can.

The taste of it is nearly as rancid as the failure feels.

You deal with it the only way you know how; chewing it up and spitting it back out as determination to do better. The drive to push yourself harder in training rears up, fiery and stubborn— harder than you logically know is any help to yourself.

What was already tedious and heinous training is made that much worse by your injuries.

You're moving sloppily today, offbeat. The dullness in your left ear helps to keep you off balance. Still, you manage to keep up with Azriel— not quite the one step ahead you're usually aiming for but, at the very least, you're still holding your own.

Your ribs ache and your heads throbs. The ringing in your right ear has disappeared with the help of the tonic, only to have started up in the left. A relief in one sense— it's good to be hearing more of anything. A fucking pain in another.

The only major upside, really, is the sword.

The Heartstriker, Azriel had called it

You had been half convinced it was a hallucination, the gift. Sure that it some desperate illusion born out of the delirium of the blood loss because, really, when was the last time you had ever gotten a gift?

When you'd limped your way out into the snow and saw it in his hands, you had blinked in disbelief.

But it's almost like Azriel had expected it, his scarred hands reaching out to gently curl around your wrist, murmuring its name as he had pressed it into your hand. It's yours, he had said.

He had let go of your wrist go immediately, stepping back but not far, still hovering close by. He let you have a moment to marvel at it before he urged you to follow to the usual neck of the woods you trained in. The sound of clashing steel had soon followed.

It's a perfect addition, you find.

The blade is like a mere extension of your own arm. It's light enough to carve through the air with ease but when you strike, it's buries deep. Compared the Illyrian broadsword used in training at camp, it suits your stature far better. You move more agilely, hit more frequently and harder when you do.

It's probably the best thing you've ever owned— ever held.

You're gazing at it where it rests on your lap, glinting in the light of the day, as you try to catch your breath. Azriel had given you a moment to recover, far earlier than normal, due to your injuries, no doubt. Normally, you'd grumble and snarl and push him to continue but today, you're quite happy to have another moment to stare at the first gift you've gotten.

Azriel breaks the silence with a question.

"Why haven't you competed in the Blood Rite?"

Something icy spikes in your blood and your back straightens instinctively, the hair on the nape of your neck standing on end. Whether he knows it or not, he is treading close to dangerous territory.

"Why do you ask?" You answer his question with another question.

Azriel regards you with a certain look, his dark eyes dragging down your body intensely and back up to your face. It's enough to make you fluster momentarily, to feel a faint stirring in your heart that doesn't entirely feel like your own. No one has ever looked at you like that before.

"You're strong. You hold your own. You're of age." He states carefully. "You remain attached to this camp with no rank until you pass it. Why not?"

You scowl at his frame of thinking, as if you haven't passed over those reasons a thousand times. Beyond the fact you can't ever ensure you wouldn't be burdened with your cycle during the Blood Rite, there's more than enough reason for you to remain a nobody.

You feel oddly disappointed that he would think only in that manner; glory and rank.

"What makes you think I want any rank in my camp?" You spit bitingly, watching as his wings sink down an inch at your tone. His misunderstanding of why you've chosen this way of life bothers you more than you expect.

"Because you did?" You ask. "Because three bastards fought their way through it and won and left their shitty pasts behind? I am not you, Azriel."

Azriel doesn't react, not even the raising of his brows. Only his shadows give himself away, whirling around slower than usual. He speaks in that same careful tone as before.

"I know you are not."

He makes you feel foolish for giving in to any lick of your anger, for so quickly snapping at your only friend. You turn your head away and stare down into the snow, taking a breath. Cauldron, you're tired. Lifting you arm, you wipe your forehead with the back of your hand, clearing the sweat that beads there.

"I could leave but for what reason? Ever since I—" You suck a sharp inhale, swallowing back words that dance too close to giving you away. You pray he doesn't notice your hesitation. "Ever since I was young, this has been my goal. This change must come from within, you know that."

You inhale again, feeling the breath rattle past every ache and pain in your chest.

"I can only do the things I do... the things I must achieve, by being unnoticeable."

You cast a glance up to him. "To them, I am some bastard who won't give up and die. I am not a proper threat. You, of all people, should understand that it's easiest to work when people are not paying proper attention."

And that's all you have known — how to become unnoticeable when needed and how to be noticed when wanted. Attention, you've learned, only means a target on your back.

Beyond that... you can't imagine someone who would want to notice you for anything more. You've had many, many years to make peace with that bitter fact.

I am.

Without warning, there's a sudden thrum from deep within you, like a echo of a drum, of a call. It's golden and threaded with softness. I am paying attention.

It startles you, one hand flying to your armored chest in surprise. As quick as it had appeared, the hum flees and leaves your bound chest twingeing only in its usual discomfort. One moment of brief serenity. You long for it, despite the unfamiliar nature.

You realise abruptly that you've trailed off and force yourself to move, body aching in the process. Heartstriker sinks into the snow and you use it to clamber to your feet, not nearly as graceful as you would like. Azriel doesn't say anything.

In fact, when you lift your gaze to meet his, he's staring at you more intensely than usual. His shadows seem more agitated. They flit about, circling his hands more than his shoulders, and you can barely see the scarred skin through their inky darkness.

There's a long moment. Around you both, the trees creek as they bend in the wind, a thousand leaves rustling around you in a chorus.

Azriel breaks the silence, casting his eyes to the ground and lifting his blade. "No more questions."

He says it like a promise, his lips pulling at the edges like he might be offering a smile.

"Just fighting."

—

By the time the moon rises, the ache in your body has dimmed to a more bearable pain.

While you'd be miffed at the idea of Azriel pulling his punches, you can't deny the sliver of gratitude you have for it now. As you reach over the cauldron of simmering stew, only a few of your ribs twinge enough to make your motions falter momentarily. The stew bubbles and brews, filling your shelter with a hearty smell.

It's been too long since you last cooked something to share.

You try to shelve the guilt away—you and Azriel have been running a very tight schedule, switching between training, tonics and rest. Taking time to cook, for yourself or others, hasn't even had time to cross your mind.

Your brief brush back with the reality during yesterday's training, however, had provided you with ample reminders. Your home camp and all its violent glory.

So, you cook. The logs crackle on the fire and above them, the stew simmers gently as you stir absentmindedly at it. Giving yourself this quiet moment, you let your thoughts drift as the tiredness of the day trickles into your body. Your thoughts turn to the quiet Shadowsinger.

He had taken his leave as soon as he had declared the end of your days training, needing another trip to Velaris.

I'll be back by morning, he had said, each of his seven cerulean siphons flaring brightly before he stepped between the fabric of the world and disappeared. Another hidden trick up his sleeve.

You'd allowed yourself only one moment of surprise before you closed your mouth— you really needed to stop underestimating him. As the stew before you begins to hiss and spit, you pull yourself from your thoughts and prepare yourself for the discomfort of meal times.

They never are as friendly as you might hope.

Despite your generosity, the different outcasts of Exordor remain cagey. Regard you with pensive and guarded looks, hands hovering on the butts of their swords. You can't blame them in the slightest.

But those that can brave the walk to your cabin, risking both themselves and your own safety against the other Illyrian brutes in the camp, are rewarded with a hot meal. Tonight, you feed 12 hungry mouths before your doorstep grows quiet.

You pack it all away in silence, with a quite yearning for company you've only just become used to having.

It's only as you're tucking in for the night, your wings wrapped around yourself tightly, does the first pain strike. Right to your core, the very insides of your gut feels as though it's being shredded. You gasp, your entire body curling up tighter to fight against the pain.

For only a moment, confusion clouds your mind at the attack that seems to come from nowhere, from an invisible enemy. Only one answer comes forward—the only thing that can threaten to reveal your secret without your permission, through mere scent alone.

A certain agony that only tortures you twice a year.

[NEXT PART: BETRAYERS]

[mtchacffinz]

to be loved for you

prompt!!! Dan Heng never dealt with jealousy. He learns bitterly that sometimes, he can't deal with it rationally!

content!!! SFW, gn! reader, fluff, mutual pining, hurt/comfort, first kiss, clingy! Dan Heng

note!!! I love him too much. So far, all he's been getting from me is fluff 💔 frankly, i cant muster any freaky-freaky stuff with this man 🤔 got anything? my asks are open 🩷

To be someone who relied on relations by circumstance, you would always cherish each and every one of those who cross your path. May they be old and wise, or young and restless— Greeting them with the brightest smile, they'd always find themselves enamoured by your energy. Maybe this is why you attract so many people? Dan Heng was aware of that. He never spoke up about it, though. After all, he was one of the many who was caught bulls eye with each strum of his heart.

He knew you were capable of fending off threats yourself. He knew you were somebody who could defend someone from harms way.. and he especially knew just how gentle and kind you treat everybody.

Oh, what is he doing? Sulking all by himself in the archives. Dan Heng's thoughts ran rampant the past minutes. This happens when he's alone or sitting idly by. The poor man's thoughts catch up to him leaving him disgruntled. The thing is, you could always see it in his face.

You've been out and about for a while. He misses you, you know. Not that he would admit! Dan Heng's stubborn, just like that. He's definitely not mulling over how you're attention has been elsewhere, either. He doesn't mind. You have the freedom to do what you want! Just leave him sulking here in the archives unattended, it's okay.

The teal eyed prince clicks his tongue. That chatty, flirty, touchy writer. At first, Dan Heng thought that he was quite a man. The writer guy was nice and respectful with a golden gaze for things that were held high. That said, the Author quickly took interest in you.

He was never one to be possessive. Why should he? You're not even in a relationship. But sometimes, as soon as the guys hands find their way towards yours, intertwining in a clasp, something in him dims. Suddenly, his eyes can't leave your figure. It was your smile again, and Dan Heng's not at the receiving end of it.

You're not on the express today, either. A shame. Seriously, that guys been hogging you all week! What's up with that? Don't even get him started on "(Y/n), my muse. Accompany me today?" bullcrap! It's nothing but a sappy excuse to get into your pants so bad! Seriously, the absurdity. Dan Heng shakes off the thoughts before they continue. Did you know? Just by his gaze alone, someone could freeze in their place— like daggers against their back.

"Hmm? Mr. Ferr, are you okay?"

"It's nothing, my sweet, I strangely caught a shiver in my spine.." the author, Ferr, replied calmly.

"Okay. So about your first draft.."

Draft this, draft that, can't he got an editor instead?!

Irk marks basically float up his head just thinking about what they're talking about right now. Can you blame him? He's been neglected.

Dan Heng slaps himself, hard.

Woah. He's getting way ahead of himself. Him? Neglected? In what way? Again, it's not like you're both in a relationship. It's not like he's entitled to your affection in any way. Dan Heng really needs to calm down. Lately, all he's been doing is updating the archives. He's also learned of what you will be traveling for next, and added data with a note addressed to you as well. His calloused hands were flipping through various pages all day, pulling apart scrolls and wiping away holograms.

His thoughts become strangely quiet. His presence was like frost.. constant. A little chilly. He starts to fiddle with his fingers, his gloves, and his nails.

He really misses you a lot.

Can you come back soon?

Dan Heng sighs. He stands up with his impeccable posture as usual. Those arms held scrolls and books, and puts them back where he got them from. At this point, he's zoned out. He exits the Archives, strolling near the parlor car. Light footsteps echo throughout the space with Dan Heng taking in the air of tranquility within the express; It seemed like everyone had their own agenda today.

Well, except for one.

"Dan Heng," Himeko's sweet, gentle voice called out for him. The boy turned towards her, a little surprised. She smiles, and beckons him to sit with her. Her silky locks framing perfectly on her face, she put a stray strand behind her ear. "Come, I have coffee to share."

Dan Heng was indeed in dire need of indulgence. Without hesitation, he walked over to the red head and sat down. He forgot how comfortable the sofa was.. his nerves began to relax. Himeko starts to pour the hot beverages into elegant coffee cups, befitting if her style. It was comfortable silence, the stars glistened into glass windows— reflecting the beauty of life. Himeko seems to have noticed his aloof vibe, joining him to stare at the stars. Opening her lips, Himeko starts.

"You've been busy for a while."

"Being an archivist is a lot of work, huh?"

"I have."

"It's fine." The gentle lady can't help but chuckle. He's so dry. This only confirms her hypothesis. That daunting look on his figure may intimidate some, but not Miss Himeko. Never Miss Himeko. She doesn't want to expose her hidden agenda now, but she just can't wait to run her mouth. After all, Dan Heng's been down the weather and it's very obvious as to why.

"(Y/n) wanted me to prepare these for you. Enjoy them." She takes a sip. His expression softened. Dan Heng can't help but think bitterly. It'd be lovely if they were her to prepare these herself, but the teal eyed prince quickly take back the thought.

"I'm thankful.. but why? Is there an occasion? I don't seem to recall any." He speaks in a cautious manner. The woman only sighs, a palm on her cheek.

"Be honest with me, Dan Heng." Her tone quickly changed. Now her eyes are staring into his. Like it was rummaging through his soul. Dan Heng's feet were cold. He couldn't contest her gaze, so he averts his eyes. Himeko frowns at this, but she doesn't seem to mind.

"Your eyes betray you greatly."

He was a little taken aback. His eyes? He was never expressive. He was sure he'd been called at least poker faced and stoic before.. Dan Heng's brows narrowed. "I beg your pardon?"

Himeko only chuckles, dismissing her last claim. "I'll tell you what. They'll be here soon.. and they're going to leave just as quickly." She adds the last statement with dramatic disdain before the elegant lady takes a sip once again. Dan Heng's stomach drop. Ah.. he's lost the appetite to even finish his mug. Himeko continues. "Ferr is taking them to a space station for one of his projects. Given the current circumstances, they have no reason to refuse."

His face scrunched in annoyance upon hearing the name again. Mr. Ferr this, Mr. Ferr that! He's getting sick of him. Taking (Y/n) on a space ship? How long will that take? Is it some sort of rendevous? A date?

..will you come back?

"i don't think that decision befalls to us. (Y/n) is capable of making decisions.."

"I don't want them to go."

"..on their own because— wait, what?"

Himeko chuckles dryly. "I don't want (Y/n) to go, you know? It's selfish thought, I know. But, it's good to be selfish once and a while now, right?"

That was a half baked lie. First of all, Himeko fully supports what (Y/n) wants. But Ferr.. isn't exactly known for his patience. Himeko knows full well as soon as (Y/n) steps in the spaceship— he'd pull something like a proposal! A profession, a deal! She's not stupid, Himeko is far from dense. The Scientist knows that the Author has a huge thing for you, and it shows. And knowing Dan Heng? He'd just nod along albeit against it. She can't just stand here and let them distance each other! Himeko's seen it.. that prying gaze of a distraught, pining lover.. the watchful eyes of a lovestruck persona. The only way to get a stubborn man to act, is through tremendous pressure!

Dan Heng's lips pursed.

"And you want me to.."

"You don't have to, really."

"But.. if it will benefit them, should we encourage it? After all, they're energetic and knows their way with words. There must be some sort of good reasoning behind his invitation."

"I don't know. Do you want them to go?"

"I.." Dan Heng couldn't finish his sentence. He couldn't form a response at all. Does he want you to go? If you would enjoy yourself, he'd love to allow it.. If you'd return with a smile on your face, tell him all about what happened, he'd love to receive you with utmost sincere..

Even if it took atleast a hundred years for you to return to him.

...Hundred years his ass! You will not spend a hundred years with that man!

"If (Y/n) wants to, I personally don't see why not." Dan Heng's thoughts actively contrasted his responses. A stubborn man.. Himeko sighs, an apologetic smile on her lips. Finally backing away, the lovely lady puts down her mug and sits straight.

"It's okay to be honest. After all, they.. wish for something."

Dan Heng replies quickly in a heart beat. "I will be honest, then. I want their wish fulfilled."

"Then you better greet them in tip-top shape." Himeko winks saying this, standing up to excuse herself. Dan Heng tilts his head in this, not quite sure if what the she's implying. Himeko only had that knowing smirk on her pristine face. The lady excuses herself promptly, leaving Dan Heng all by himself. The man is once again left alone with his thoughts, except this time, he has new material to work with.

"Great..." He huffs bitterly, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Just.. splendid." God, his head hurts. He's tired and he's drowsy. At this point, he doesn't find anything of urgency at the moment— only thinking about grasping that sudden warmth the sofa beneath him exerts. Dan Heng would like to find peace of mind at least once in a while. Both that in mind, his eyes find their way to the Parlor ceiling, half lidded and tired.

Slowly, his breathing calms down.. and slowly, his eyes drift closed, consciousness slipping away from his grasp.

Slowly.. the darkness embraced him, and his body rested in slumber.

You stand a little surprised.

After all, Dan Heng was casually sitting upright— his eyes closed. Is he napping? Is he okay? You're not sure, and you're concerned. Frankly, you were supposed to be here for him— feeling that he deserves at least an apology that you haven't been getting back to his messages in a while. But looking at the sight.. he looks like he's accompanied at the moment.

Such a hard working guard. The guard of the express, the unmatched Archivist of the Nameless.. the one who would always hold your heart gently. You swore if he blew air on your figure, you'd crumble immediately. The only one who'd sway your heart. That's how much power he holds, his whole fingers wrapped around your being with an invisible string keeping you binded to him.

You curb a grin. Strolling near your quarters, you pick up something warm. A blanket. You envelop his stature in a comfortable tuck, pausing for a moment to take in the melancholic state Dan Heng's exhibiting. The handsome prince's eyes fluttered closed, lips slightly apart. If he's sitting upright sleeping, then he must be atleast tired enough to sleep but still be on his feet.

But he doesn't know that, he doesn't need to.

"Ah.." was all Dan Heng could muster. You look back at him in a awe, but quickly recovered. You didn't remove his hands on your wrist, you held onto them instead. The archivists eyes softened, his brows relaxing. You attempt to give him a smile, defusing the tension.

Your sightseeing was cut short when Dan Heng started to stir, his eyes fluttering open. It was for a short moment, the first those greyish teal eyes found their way towards yours.. and the way they slightly widened upon meeting gazes with you, Dan Heng's slender, warm fingers slowly snuck their way toward your wrist; apprehending their movements further. Dan Heng held onto you like you were unreal, like you were unbelievable. Oh, he looks stricken. He looks.. almost as surprised as you. Dan Heng doesn't say anything yet, the blanket that was once on him fell off just a little while ago.

"Hey. Sorry. It looks like I woke you up.." You offer an apologetic smile. He quickly shakes his head at this, responding to you in haste.

"No.. no. Don't apologize."

"I have a lot of apologizing to do."

"No, you.." before he could finish, he cuts himself off. Why must he be so accepting? He keeps brushing his feelings aside, and before he knows it, he utters something he doesn't even mean. No, he's not okay. No, it's not fine. You upset him greatly. He couldn't focus on anything because you weren't answering his messages. Your phone was unreachable.

You had Dan Heng worried sick. What if something happened to you? You reckless, Trusting, thick skulled—

"Everything good?"

Your voice immediately snaps him out of his thoughts. Dan Heng let's out a small breath, his hands still clutching yours. He was still sitting down, and you were towering over him. God.. just by your gaze alone, he's already so full. If you could just stay with him a little longer, he feels like this churning in his stomach would go away soon. He wants you so bad, he needs you so bad.. he doesn't want you to let go anytime soon.

To your surprise, Dan Heng himself removed his hold on you. His movements were slow and languid, like a flow of water within the rivers. Moving in chorus, mellifluous.. elegantly. You can't take your eyes off him at all. Dan Heng clung to your waist. His warm body enveloped your lower half, nuzzling deep into your stomach. You let out a surprised yelp.

Suddenly, your face is hot. Your stomach was dancing with abundant butterflies, and you don't know where to put your hands. As if the archivist could read your mind, his hands led yours into his head, fingers entangling itself into those dark locks. They were so soft.. so warm and lovely. Your hands run through his hair gently— cherishing just how close he is to you at this moment. What's up with him? He seems to be a little more laid back.

Dan Heng shifts in his place. That's when he finally looks up at you. His arms around you, eyes looking directly at yours. You could see his expression.. eyes soft. Gentle. A slight pout— face flushed. It looks like he wants to say something, and it's still processing in that pretty head of his.

Dan Heng's hold on you tightens, you didn't fail to notice. He wants to be selfish for once. Let him be selfish for once. Just once. With a small breath and a soft tone, he finally utters.

"Don't go."

It was getting harder and harder to calm your heart down, and that didn't get any better.

Your heart immediately melts, and your knees almost gave out. What? Go where? Has the rumours already spread? Whatever it was, it's not happening. Especially if he asked you, it's already set in stone. "I won't. Not anywhere." You respond tenderly. Dan Heng's eyes lit up. You swore his fingers even twitched just a little bit. A little more after, his face suddenly scrunched. The archivists' frame was decorated with blazing hues of red. Whatever he's thinking seems to strain him so. Not even bothering to give you time to further analyze, he stands up from his seat, arms still around you. This time, you have no idea what'll he do. Dan Heng's eyes averted yours, hesitantly taking a step closer. My.. your palms are starting to sweat. This is the effect of anticipation.

When he pulled back from you, Dan Heng quickly analyzed your expression to see even a tinge of displeasure. Now you.. face decorated with the hue of peony, looked awe struck. Absolutely enchanted.. bewildered, blown. Gathering your nerves to work back up again, your eyes slowly trailed back to his nervous ones: awaiting your reaction.

"..You can hit me after this." Dan Heng suddenly says, making you tilt your head in confusion. So carefully, he cupped your cheeks. Whatever that was you were going to say was caught in your throat. There was a bubbling feeling in your chest, waiting to pop open; and as soon as his lips brushed past yours, it popped so beautifully vibrant it blinded your vision for but a moment. As your eyes fluttered closed and his eyes half lidded, he greedily drank the sight of you from his eyes.

Dan Heng's eyes widened once you grabbed his collar— smashing your lips back to his. The kiss you've given him burned with fervor, impatient, like you've been yearning for more. You were starved of his lips— like a lone hawk hunting for aeons.

Now that the opportunity presented itself, might as well make the most of it.

The archivist had a hard time keeping up with you, keeping the both of you straight by holding the small of your back. Your arms were in Dan Heng's chest— eagerly taking him in yours. By the time you both ran out of air, you were standing in amidst the parlor car— with the stars accompanying the moment being the sole witness. You could hear Dan Heng's heartbeat whilst you rest your head on his chest. Clutching his jacket, it was tempting to go for another one again.

There was silence. A lot of words hung out in the air. The first to cut through the already light air around you was you.

"For how long?"

Dan Heng breathed heavily, burying his nose into your hair. He thinks about it for a long time before finally answering.

"Quite a while."

i went a little overboard sorry! (⁠●⁠´⁠⌓⁠`⁠●⁠) edited it a lil bit

[sleeplesssmoll]

Smoltin has me on a chokehold rn so can i ask you this

Smoltin and madam z headcannons?

IT'D BE MY PLEASURE!

Be warned, all my HCs are just fanfic ideas that I kept caged in my noggin. They're more like drabbles!

First Contact

Madam Z first met Smoltin after the frog incident. She was intrigued when she heard a student experienced the Storm and suffered no consequences. She asked to meet the child one on one since she didn't want to intimidate her.

She wasn't sure what to expect, but a frog was definitely not on her list. Vertin begged her not to tell anyone after it hopped out of her pocket. She wanted to show it to her friend first. Madam Z helped her catch it, surprising the little girl. She gently handed the frog to her and told her to be more careful. She kept Vertin's secret. This is their first secret amongst the many they'll share in the future, but neither of them knew that at the time.

And after Vertin was deemed fine, they sent her to time-out on the hourglass where she eagerly awaited for her friend to finish class.

While in the main Story, Madam Z mentions Vertin as the “a girl named Vertin” to Constantine, they both knew exactly who she was talking about. That Vertin that caught their eye since she stuck her arm into the Storm and remained unharmed. I think they kept tabs on Smoltin.

Mug

Madam Z has a special mug with her face on it. It was actually a gift from Smoltin. Vertin also brings her back tea from her travels for Madam Z. Madam Z saves those for her bad days when she needs to lift her spirits. When Vertin was forced into a coma, she finished her entire collection.

A Mother's Instinct

Sonetto was promoted because of her hard work. However, her assignment to Vertin was a calculated move by Madam Z. She knew Vertin was up to something (sneakily recruiting arcanists) but she didn't know what. By assigning her an assistant who happened to be their ace, she's telling Vertin she has an eye on her. However, she also knows that whatever Vertin is up to, Sonetto is more than capable of protecting her. While the two have a complicated history, they're friends. They'll look after each other.

In other words, she's not trying to get in Vertin's way but she wants her to be more careful and honest.

Coats

One of the reasons Vertin loves coats and jackets is because the women she admires in her life (Madam Z and Tooth Fairy) also wear them. Her perfect posture, her elegant mannerisms, she does her best to reflect the values they taught her. Tooth Fairy was quick to correct her posture and Madam Z can't stand wrinkly uniforms. You can wear whatever you want but respect your clothes and belongings.

She'll roll around on the grass with the kids but the suit will be washed and pressed afterwards.

Echoes

Madam Z, Constantine, and Tooth Fairy all see echoes of each other in Vertin. Madam Z sees Tooth Fairy's sense of humor and her compassion. Tooth Fairy sees Madam Z's empathy and sharp mind. It also makes them appreciate each other more. However, when she gets into trouble, one of them will say "she learned that from you!" As for her charisma...they have no idea where this Critter chasing child got it from.

Constantine sees Madam Z in the way Vertin carries herself and she hates it. The way Vertin crosses her legs and drinks her tea. The way comes up with logical solutions without ignoring their emotional consequences. The gentle way she talks and the subtle head shakes and nods she does when speaking.

Vertin is supposed to be a pawn, not a player.

Golden Years

During her training as Timekeeper, Madam Z traveled alongside Smoltin as her mentor. While she liked the quiet of her lab, spending time with Vertin and watching her grow up are remembered as some of the best years of her life. Meanwhile, Constantine thinks of them as some of her worst because no one can do anything right and her best employee was nowhere around to help her.

And she was bored.

Camera

Madam Z wasn't into photography, but after Vertin became the Timekeeper she learned as much as she could so she could teach Vertin. It also became a bonding experience for them. On that note, her favorite subject to photograph was Smoltin, like a parent who's chasing after their kid with a camera. She even demanded copies of Vertin's baby photos (Vertin was taken in at 1 month old and they took pictures to monitor her development). Constantine approved her request, but she didn't understand why Madam Z wanted such a thing. However, it's rare for Madam Z to ask her for things so she obliged.

Motorcycle

Some of the Foundation soldiers have really cool, arcanum based motorcycles. An enthusiastic Investigator chatted Smoltin's ear off about his motorcycle Vertin eagerly listened like always. Madam Z nearly spat out her tea when Vertin asked if she'd get one too someday.

Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur! 

Smoltin was used as a heat-pack during their field mission in colder environments. The Investigators with them found it hilarious since Madam Z refused to let go of Vertin during a majority of the mission and she's not known to be a touchy person. Smoltin excelled at her temperature training though and didn't mind the cold or the hugs.

Food

Madam Z taught Vertin how to cook eggs in every possible way since they are the most versatile protein. Both of them suck at cooking but they make great eggs. Madam Z also eats uncooked ramen like chips by sprinkling the flavor packet inside the package and shaking it. Vertin learned this from her too, much to her dismay. Tooth Fairy can't stand them. She wishes they'd eat something with more nutrition in it, like sliced fruit or something. This is where the Fruit Critters from this post come in! Vertin also learned how to use chopsticks from Madam Z and taught Regulus and Sonetto how to use them too.

Friendly Competition

Madam Z may be a scientist, but she's still active! She and Vertin used to play ping pong against each other. The winner decided what they were having for dinner and the loser had to do the dishes. Vertin usually lost, but she definitely posed a challenge as she got quicker and predicted her opponent's moves. Vertin also prefers Go over chess, which is another game they played.

Crush

Kat introduced them to her niece who was planning on joining the St. Pavlov in the future. She was only a year older than Vertin. Madam Z had to nudge her apprentice to remind to stop staring. Vertin has a tendency to compare pretty girls to creatures she likes (Sonetto is an emerald eyed puppy, Schneider was a delicate dove. I'm basing this idea off of these very specific instances lol). She knew Vertin was getting caught up in a pretty face again the moment Vertin compared her to a sugar glider. The two became friends pretty quickly.

Pictures and Postcards

Madam Z keeps every letter and postcard Vertin sends.

I also wrote this a while back! It got lost in the Tumblr abyss but it's about Vertin noticing Sotheby growing and she goes to Madam Z and Tooth Fairy for advice.

[dent-de-leon]

Obsessed with the idea of Molly being terrified of Lucien, wanting nothing to do with him and insisting that that person is dead because he was scared that Lucien just naturally desired to be cruel and that was something he never ever wanted.

But then Lucien comes back and Molly realising that Lucien largely doesnt WANT to be cruel. But he's been so warped by pain and fear that he thinks that control and possession and manipulation is the only way to keep people from hurting you.

And Molly is like "Oh honey no.... let's get you some therapy."

Molly never wanted to be cruel, ever. But helping someone in pain learn to open up to gentleness and vulnerability? To show kindness? That scares him a lot less and it's what finally leads to their peace. To Kingsley.

Acknowledging and healing Lucien's pain and fear allowed them both to be better

yES!! Mollymauk is so haunted by the little glimpses he sees of Lucien's past, lives in constant fear of those terrifying moments when another life bleeds through. "Whoever it was came to that end, and I want nothing to do with that. Whatever it was, it doesn't feel good when I--when something creeps through, I don't like it. I don't want anything to do with it. I was happy! I liked the circus! The circus was great!"

He crawled his way out of an unmarked grave and woke all alone in the world, reaching for a red moon in the dark. He's always been aware just how fragile his life is, afraid that he'd be sent back to the grave, that his charmed little life at the circus could be torn away from him at any moment--as could his loved ones, like Lestera.

Mollymauk always seemed to believe his time was short, so he always tries to make the most of it. Which involved running away from the past--from anything that could shatter the tentative peace he tried so hard to keep. Whoever Lucien was, Molly knows just enough to instinctively fear him, to believe that all his loved ones would abandon him if they ever knew the truth. During the Zone of Truth, he confesses that, "A lot of this was in the hopes that maybe it would never happen; keep moving, keep quiet."

So I can't agree more--watching Mollymauk face his greatest fear, seeing him finally confront Lucien after all this time--and he's still kind and compassionate enough to try and help him? After everything he did? It's such a pleasant surprise, and just a testament to his character and bleeding heart. I don't think there's many people who'd be able to look at this dark mirror of themselves and have the capacity for love and forgiveness that Molly does.

But of course Mollymauk still wants to help him, still genuinely cares for him. It's, "That's not how we are, Lucien. We love broken things the most." And, "I know what the others think, but the truth is...How do I put this...The world is harsh and cruel, and I don't seem to be able to just walk on by. You see a wrong? You fix it." He saw how much Lucien was suffering, he saw just how painfully alike they are--that they were both "broken," shattered souls--and he couldn't just leave him. He couldn't. Mollymauk just can't bear to abandon someone, and it breaks my heart.

And I think a big part of Lucien's fall also stems from just how much self loathing and disgust he wallowed in, how he clings so desperately to the idea he has this "glint." That he was meant for bigger, better things, that he's somehow fated for so much more--that there's an escape from his painful, bloodstained past in Shadycreek. I think Beau really struck a nerve when she asked, "Do you think you're special, Lucien? I mean, someone who wakes up every day, and thinks they're different, blessed." Because god, he wants to be. He wants to be someone capable and powerful and worthy, craves it more than anything, even as he keeps running away.

He holds onto a stack of letters from his sister that he absolutely treasures, yet he doesn't dare answer any of them--too paralyzed with fear at what she'd think, terrified she'd see the person he'd become. He thinks he's not good enough to go back to her, has nothing at all to offer her. And I think that's part of why he bought into the Somnovem so quickly; he was desperate for a way out. A chance to be more. He needs to have this glint Cree mentioned, because then there's still hope. He can still be someone fortunate enough to take care of his sister, to get them away from Shadycreek forever. He can still be one of the heroes in the little plays he used to perform. He can still change his fate. And, most tempting of all, he can bring his family back.

And it's so sad that his self-depreciation and guilt started so young, that even as a child, he was tormented by all the atrocities his parents forced him to be complicit in. Until Lucien couldn't bear what they'd turned him into anymore, and he makes sure they can't hurt anyone else ever again. "After a while I couldn't let it go on, couldn't look at myself or live with myself, so I burned the caravan with all three of them inside, took my sister, and that was that...No more little songs. No more farces."

Mollymauk is fascinating, because he's another facet of Lucien. He was born from the very same soul. So in one sense, I think Molly reconnecting with Lucien is so beautiful, because it really does feel like a kind of self love and acceptance. But in another way, I think they're almost like family too. It really struck me that Kingsley called Molly a "brother;" just the way that he said, "Everyone should have a brother." It's such a sweet sentiment, especially considering that Lucien had a brother--someone he lost so long ago.

A corpse left buried in the snow. An empty puppet. A hollow, ghastly reminder of the person he once knew. Lucien had a brother, and they were killed, their body desecrated by their own parents. He had a sister, who he was willing to sacrifice everything for, and it still wasn't enough. In the end, even she doesn't trust him anymore, and he's entirely alone. So then here's Molly, and he does the one thing that Aldreda and the rest of his family never did. He decides to stay with Lucien. To reach a hand to him when he needs it the most.

In many ways, Molly is the family that Lucien always wished for. Ironically? If they actually were siblings, I think Lucien would've been very protective of him. Even as things are, Lucien still starts to grow a bit fond of Mollymauk in spite of himself. Starts to slowly regret the life he'd taken from him, as loathe as he is to admit it. "Nothing about this has been easy, and our hard work is at an end. Our chats have been...edifying. Goodbye, Tealeaf. You won't survive where I'm going."

I do think the end of the novel really did reassure me about a lot of why I found C2 heartbreaking, because I like that Molly and Lucien both decided to come back together. That it was a choice they both made, and they both live on as Kingsley. It's Molly getting another chance and yet deciding to bring Lucien back with him, because Molly thinks he deserves it too. It's neither of them being alone. It's both of them returning to the Nein, hand in hand, and deciding to try again--

[box-architecture]

Showing up here again to say that awesamdrunz do a role play where Punz orders Sam to do things to Dream. Sam is mildly insane about this.

He can't do anything without permission but also Dream is (in character) begging him to stop, whimpering as he's being exposed and touched and made to be looked at

This has everything for a Sam. Control, Lack of Control, CNC-

I have no idea what their story for the role play is. Maybe Dreams a prince and Punz is a fierce bandit has accosted his carriage. And Sam was his bodyguard but now that they're both captured, Punz has promised Sam that Dream will be safe and that Sam will be allowed to stay with him as long as he's under Punz's authority from now on.

Sam gets to be the bad guy AND the good guy<3 Sam has to fuck Dream even if he's begging his beloved guard to stop, because if Sam doesn't fuck Dream, Punz will, and they won't do it right and be too rough, won't keep Dream safe.

This is of course entirely irrelevant when Sam has to hold Dreams legs open so Punz can fuck him while Dream squirms in Sam's lap but shhh. Dream is sitting on Sam's cock and then Punz climbs up on the bed and also thrusts inside

Listen Sam is really into the fantasy that he both as control over Dream and also actually can't do anything at all. He is helpless to Dream collapsing onto his chest, moaning and struggling to take both of them at once. Ignore how he's purring and spreading Dreams cheeks to make it easier for Punz to push in. Obviously he is simply Dreams poor suffering bodyguard who secretly had a crush on his beloved prince and is now Forced to do these things to him

Punz is groaning in pleasure. They're teasing Sam, have you been keeping this beauty all to yourself? You need to learn to share. And Sam's prince looks up at him with wide eyes.

Sam avoiding his eyes because their captor is just teasing but. Even if it hadn't been his place, he'd been so jealous when Dream had been getting marriage letters. Glared at any foreign dignitary who dared to make advances toward him. Maybe even sabotaged a princess attempting to get Dream's kiss. And no matter how much Sam insisted to himself that he was just a lowly guard who could never be allowed his prince's deepest affections, he craved.

Now his prince's cock is rubbing against his stomach and his lips are Sam's for the taking.

Punz orders Sam to move faster, they have to make Dream feel good, don't they? Sam wouldn't deny his prince, would he? Of course not. Dream deserves to be driven to ecstasy, and if he's still capable of protest then he hasn't been fucked hard enough yet.

It's better this way, Sam thinks. Dream won't have to marry someone who won't love him as much as Sam can. Sam will protect him from The Evil Punz, satisfy him in all ways possible, make sure he is protected even when he's being filled to the brim.

Dream seems to be a little panicked as Punz and Sam fuck him into incoherence, so Sam gives him a long, gentle kiss, just hard enough that Dream melts into it. Punz takes it as an excuse to suck a hickey into Dreams neck, then a hickey into Sam's. He whimpers into Dream's mouth.

"Mm, knew it was a good idea to keep you both." They sigh in satisfaction. "I'm going to have a lot of fun with you two."

(Sam, out of character, whines. Dream smiles and peppers kisses all over his face. Yesyesyes, a Sam will be very kept, forever and ever.)

[johnwickcaretaker]

💙🖤 John Wick x Santino D'Antonio Ship Overview/Analysis 🖤💙

I did this for Santino and Michael in my crossover stuff and now I want to do this for Santino and John as well!!

So, why are they so compelling?

Canon divergence AUs for this ship are full of possibilities because we have so many moments in the timeline to choose from. They knew each other in the early days of John's work, but that is left completely open-ended so it's very fun to explore that time period. What if they never split up? And if they did split up, then they had some period of Santino presumably pining for John after the Impossible Task (angst!!) and then they were reunited. It's easy to imagine a world in which that reunion went differently and one of them showed the other a lot more compassion - what if Santino hadn't betrayed John? What if Santino had thrown away his marker as a sacrifice to show John how much he loves him? What if John had ACTUALLY refused to kill Gianna, even after his house was blown up? What if John had forgiven Santino instead of shooting him? I haven't written all of these possibilities yet because there are just so many.

Although a lot of people assume that they're toxic with one another (continuously fighting, stalking, taking revenge on each other, etc.), they can also be written as an exploration of anger management and conflict resolution in a way that's very sweet. John's careful emotional control and devotion allows him to be patient with Santino and make him feel safe enough to express his pain through means other than violence. Santino's stubbornness can be put towards a determination not to hurt or control John. They demonstrate a seemingly miraculous victory of love over possessive rage - but a victory which is actually won through a lot of hard work and emotional growth.

Their sexual dynamic is SO HOT. Messy brat constantly teases stoic dom. Need I say more? No, but I will. It's not just that Santino is teasing John, it's that he feels safe enough to tease John. He wants to know 1 - that John is strong enough to put him in his place, and to just feel and enjoy John' power. And 2 - that John actually going to be gentle and forgiving with him no matter what he does. He watches John shove him around, manhandle him, do kinky stuff with him...but never actually traumatize him the way that he was traumatized growing up, no matter how much Santino annoys him. It's this constant proof that he is loved.

And then the hurt/comfort dynamic!!! Santino keeps poking at John there too. He ignores his health, he pushes himself to the limit, he gets into reckless situations. It's like he's constantly asking John, "Do I even matter? Do I even deserve to be saved?" And John is constantly stepping in, saying, "Yes, you do." I adore this even more when John gives him long-term solutions - things he can do instead of self-harming, routines that help him fix his sleep schedule, help getting off of his addictions.

And how about John's role in all this? He sees himself express tenderness. He sees that he is capable of that. He learns that he is capable of patience, that he is not just a killer. Every time Santino pushes him and he doesn't push back, every time that they playfight and it doesn't turn to real fighting, John begins to trust himself slightly more. And when Santino expresses concern for him, and turns his own caretaking back on John, John has to learn to value his own life as well.

So Santino and John both slow heal. A beautiful recovery arc is at the core of the John x Santino ship and I love that for them.

[karliahs]

Aizawa, Present Mic, and All Might for the character ask!!

thank you anon!! here we go:

aizawa:

favorite thing about them

god i was hoping someone would ask aizawa for this but also. picking one fave thing is so so hard

this is kind of cheating but my fave thing might be...contrasts. like how in so much of his screentime he's lazing around, so languid and barely present, and then when needed he explodes into motion with this insane fighting style that's clearly the product of years and years of hard work. and how he has his whole strict teacher thing where he is harsh and scares kids on purpose, but is also capable of this incredible gentleness - the overhaul arc alone has so many examples, him with ochako & mirio & izuku...argh. his flat neutral monotone that then makes it so impactful when it breaks, like when he finds out about shirakumo/kurogiri and there's this incredible rage. i love that he's easy to interpret as kind of a hypocrite! it's extremely fun to play with in fic. i love that iconic all might line in the ep where aizawa's introduced - in your own strange way you're a very kind man, aizawa - and like that's...that's the thing. the kind and the strange. you've gotta have both for it to feel like aizawa

god this is already so long. please know that i could continue for like 19 more things and am actively restraining myself from doing so. thank you.

least favorite thing about them

hmmm i was gonna say the fact that he is a relatively minor character in this anime, but i wonder if he'd have quite the same impact for me if there wasn't that space to kind of read around the canon moments?

so i guess maybe the ways he falls victim to other flaws in the logic of the show, its biases and faults...mineta is a big one. i actually kind of hate the scenes where aizawa kind of offhand scolds/warns mineta for stuff bc it's so...inadequate. and kind of more damning than if he was never shown responding to it at all. but as with everything else concerning mineta i find it's best to just ignore it entirely

favorite line

"There's a difference between sacrifice for others and throwing your life away." and the parts that follow (approximate bc this was me scribbling down quotes while i watched): "When these naive kids get the two mixed up, I can expel them, give them a little death so they'll learn. That way they know what's at stake and they'll strive to reach even higher."

i just adore this encapsulation of the strange kindness embedded in his weird teaching philosophy. and maybe my favourite thing in this show is how it grapples over and over again with the intersection of self-sacrifice and self-destruction (even if for me it's maybe better at asking these questions than answering them).

it's also just very satisfying to have been writing aizawa having this exact perspective for years and then seeing it laid out so simply. there is a difference. and he's dedicating his life to trying to teach it to these kids.

brOTP

okay it's weird to use the word bro about a mentor-student relationship, but if we're taking this one to mean any platonic dynamic then...gestures to the number of midoriya & aizawa fics i've written. i just think they're neat...and i love aizawa's perspective on self-sacrifice playing off the way my boy mido is just...Like That

but also eri!! and shinsou. and i've been enjoying the hints of midnight-aizawa friendship in vigilantes especially

OTP

erasermic...honestly i find their dynamic equally interesting whether it's platonic or romantic but still. way back in 2018 when i first wrote bnha fic, i was very erasermic-focused. i enjoy the flavour that's v common in fic where they just in the background are secretly married, it's very cute. but in my heart of hearts i have a particular attachment to the erasermic variety where they have not at all figured their shit out by the time canon starts, bc i think it's so juicy and excellent if there's been some level of longing there for fifteen years, but they're still for one reason or another holding each other at arms length

nOTP

i don't really care for eraserjoke. i'm only just about capable of enjoying the joke of their interactions anyway, but if you put genuine romantic intent there then...bleh

random headcanon

torn between doing a sad one or a funny one. uhhh (spins mental wheel) i think he had a terrible energy drink phase in his early 20s in which he was like it's fine it's fine i can utilise caffeine to stay awake longer when required. it's logical. it's fine. and then it very much wasn't fine and since then he cannot even look at one without feeling a little bit sick

also sneaky second one: like many characters in this show, i do think he has some level of chronic pain. bc holy shit those usj injuries.

unpopular opinion

uhhhhhh. i don't know how many of my aizawa opinions are truly unpopular. i guess...i often see in fics him referring to his kids as stuff like hellions/hell class to their face. which i get bc i think it probs started out in more lighthearted crack fics etc and then spread through fanon. but I was surprised in rewatch by how formal and at times polite he is to the kids, like he's blunt but I think his variation of strictness precludes that kind of thing. behind their backs...possibly

song i associate with them

oh man I actually…don't have any aizawa songs. which is wild given how much real estate he occupies in my brain. if other people have aizawa songs, please tell me them

favorite picture of them

best hairstyle best look...i could and do stare at the gif version all day

i can't believe how long this has gotten....others below the cut

mic:

favorite thing about them

performance!!! how the idea of performing yourself is so baked into the whole character! the levels where like...it seems like an intentional joyful performance, but can also have sad flavours of hiding behind a mask to stay safe. and it's also very fun to bounce him off aizawa, who I think also performs himself if in a different way

i accidentally scrolled really far back in my notes app the other day and found a bunch of notes-form fic from 2018ish, one of which included a note at the end reading "loving present mic is lgbt culture bc complicated relationship with self-performance and artifice and also have you seen the way he dresses" and honestly. i stand by it

least favorite thing about them

once again i was briefly tempted to say the fact that he is such a minor character, but also i do enjoy that space to expand on stuff myself

okay this feels mean but...when i switched from subs to dubs i liked all the new voices pretty much immediately...except mic's. it's a reasonable choice to dial into the goofiness like that but...it took some getting used to for me for sure

favorite line

"Some people have arbor ardor but I'm more of a city kitty, ya dig?"

this. is the perfect line of dialogue actually. no notes. i think about it and the textpost referring to it as "the most delightfully gay thing" said tumblr user had ever heard...all the time.

the wordplay. having fun with language. the phrase city kitty in itself. we don't deserve present mic.

brOTP

shirakumo...it's interesting to me that the vibe i got from vigilantes is the strongest friendships in the trio aren't between mic & aizawa? like they are friends for sure but I got the vibe both of them were closer with shirakumo than they were with each other. that shirakumo mic friendship ahhh...

and I'm forever thinking about that panel of aizawa climbing the rope, mic left on the ground. aizawa coping in a very specific way that kind of…leaves mic behind. mic's grief. the feeling that he's lost both his closest friends all at once. ahhh.

OTP

hey look it's erasermic again

nOTP

i don't really have one! i don't often see him shipped with people other than aizawa honestly

random headcanon

i sprinkled a bunch of mic headcanons into the last chapter of swim or drown that i still like a lot...one is a little mention of him cooking. i like the idea of him being one of those people who doesn't like to make a recipe the same way twice, measuring with his heart and playing around a lot with big flavours...everything he makes either slaps or is inedible

unpopular opinion

hmmmm i think a lot of the time he gets kind of morphed into this profoundly well-adjusted dude to play off aizawa, and i don't necessarily object to that! i've arguably done it myself. and it's part of the comedy of taking these two weirdos and deciding they have a profoundly functional domestic relationship off-screen.

but i find it interesting to consider the inverse too - with his rage, especially. one of his earliest scenes is him suggesting using his quirk on a bunch of random journalists (maybe as a joke but...hm). and there's a line about what he's gonna do to the people responsible for making nomu that made me go "MIC. BUD" out loud to my screen. i think it's entirely possible he has dealt emotionally with...nothing, ever.

song i associate with them

i hadn't consciously connected this before, but thinking about it i think dirty imbecile by the happy fits could be a mic song

favorite picture of them

if i can cheat and use a gif then it's this:

i just love his wind-ups to gestures so much. he's so extra and it rules

all might:

favorite thing about them

how hard he tries. all that work for all those years because he cares about people and wants them to be safe. i love that little shot of young toshinori running towards the future like...even with all that insane power, it's about the work of it. the long, hard graft of trying to make the world safer

least favorite thing about them

i.......sometimes find the america gimmick distractingly silly

favorite line

gah i think it's the line after kamino to midoriya when he says "I will dedicate myself to raising you." like......them......and i also really love the whole speech where he talks about deciding he's going to live. idk it really moves me to see him discovering new purpose after he'd accepted that he was going to basically destroy himself for the world. picking yourself back up after that...finding new things to keep you going...

brOTP

midoriya!!! the mutual admiration, the devotion, all might bringing izuku into this world he's longed for for so long, izuku making all might remember the hope and idealism that almost burned out of him after all those lonely years. i'm nuts about it

OTP

i kind of like aroace all might honestly!! erasermight is cute though...

nOTP

don't really have one

random headcanon

hmmm i imagine him being kind of relieved when the dorm system was implemented and all the teachers start living on campus too. i imagine his living spaces at least for the last few years or so have always been...large, objectively comfortable, but very empty and lonely

unpopular opinion

aha this one might be very unpopular, but of all the stuff all might gets criticised for from the early eps, i actually get him telling mido he can't be a hero the most...it's definitely still bad! but i can really see it from his POV...like he's basically been fighting a war for decades. and for like 5 years he's been doing it basically alone, the people in his life unwilling to watch him do this to himself anymore. and it feels so necessary and vital and also he can feel his ability to do it draining more and more everyday, this awareness that any day now he might fall and leave a space for all that darkness to sweep back in...i feel like if any teenager, any child, looked at you and asked if they could head out onto that battlefield too, without even the weapon you've relied so heavily on...no is a really understandable answer! not a good answer, but very explicable in character terms at least

song i associate with them

the whole beat the champ album by the mountain goats is about wrestling, which i really like as a bnha heroes analogue because it's about fighting but also artifice, deliberate creation of identity, so a lot of beat the champ songs ping me when i think about bnha heroes and all might especially...there's a part in the legend of chavo guerrero that always makes me think about all might and midoriya: "and I need justice in my life, here it comes"

favorite picture of them

okay i love the whole scene in the forest where they're bathed in this golden light but also. maybe instead it's this:

iconic

[allthefoolishdreams]

hi! i hope you're well! for the ask game - 1, 10, 15, 18, 19, 21, 26 and 30? <33

(this is jeonghoneyss btw, i'm not sure if i mentioned before haha)

hi!! thank you, i am doing well, i hope you are as well!! <3

What’s something new that you tried in a fic this year? How did it turn out and would you do it again?

Something new I tried this year was non-linear narrative (in my minchan divorce fic), I've always loved non linear narratives since its an interesting way to tell a story. I think so far its turning out well! although it is based on a story so that did help make it easier. Either way, I would absolutely love to write more non linear narratives if I come up with an idea that it'll work best with

10. What fic made you feel the happiest to work on?

Honestly? I don't know! Out of the ones posted this year, I think maybe the superchan fic might have been my happiest to work on. I do know working on you are strange always makes me pretty happy as well (when i'm not hit with writer's block)

15. Rec a fic you wrote or posted in 2023

I have only posted 4 fics this year and I know you have read 2 of them, so I'll just rec the other two: chansung fic (which is angsty and about commitment issues and complex feelings regarding relationships but i enjoyed writing) and this minchan fic (which is a bob's burgers au and just overall a silly and fun time)

18. What was the hardest fic to title?

without a doubt it was my spidey minlix fic, I just didn't know what to call it even when I had the first chapter completed already which is unusual for me because by the time ive written that much I have title ideas already. I'm not sure if you read the author's note but i did almost title it "spider-boy (king of thieves)" which is a taylor swift lyric because it fits far too perfectly but i decided to search it on ao3 and saw that a lot of the fics using that as a title were spider-man aus which made me scrap the idea so fast. I ended up scrolling through Black Cat and Spider-Man panels + looking up Black Cat quotes for inspiration and decided that i really liked the line ""You are strange, my love. I guess that's why I find you so irresistible." and shortened it because I thought the quote would be such a fitting line for minlix considering they are both strange (affectionate) <3

19. Share your favorite opening line

if I keep it to fics I posted this year, I think my favorite would be from my chansung fic: At a young age, Jisung learns just how easy it is to pack up your life and leave it all behind.

I feel like it fully captures the main vibe of the fic

Also, here's one for fics I've written this year and not posted. I'm cheating here by giving several lines but here's the opening for my jilix songwriting fic because I really like the opening paragraph:

The first time Jisung meets Felix, he’s struck by how gentle and kind he is.  He’s mesmerized by his voice, like everyone else is; the deep, smooth tone and accent. The clumsy way he stumbles over his Korean in a way that makes it obvious he’s still learning. And he’s especially mesmerized when he starts to show off his vocal abilities, the range he’s capable of. It’s something else entirely. Perhaps, more importantly, he’s mesmerized by his bright grin despite how prickly Jisung is towards him, which isn’t necessarily anything personal, he’s prickly towards everyone. Unlike the others though, Felix brushes it off and continues to ask questions like he doesn’t genuinely mind how closed off Jisung is; he's never annoyed or scared of him. All while offering him bright smiles each time they interact. And it’s a beautiful smile.

21. Share your favorite piece of dialogue

I can't think of any off the top of my head. I do think a lot of my favorite dialogue I've written is from you are strange, especially the minho and felix conversations when they're bantering in their respective alter egos, it's always so fun for me to write. Their dialogue in their civilian life is very good to me too, but I don't think I can choose a favorite. I also remember enjoying the group discussion from chapter one when they're discussing Spider-Man since it was so fun to write

26. If you had to choose one, what was THE most satisfying writing moment of your year?

I don't think I have any specific satisfying writing moment, but I guess seeing my word count on ao3 go up so much just within the year was pretty satisfying to me especially since like i mentioned i only posted 4 new fics

30. What’s something that you want to write in 2024?

I'm not gonna lie, my goal is just to finish all of my wips. But I do want to write the batman!chan fic thats been brewing, I havent started since I know it'll become a monster of a fic and I'm trying to prioritize finishing my current superhero aus before starting a new one lol. which reminds me, I have Thoughts on other superchan side stories, other than the felix one so thats also on the list, so far nobody has pointed out the Minho (or Hyunjin) name drops in chapter one of superchan which goes along with my thoughts regarding the au. Another thing I want to write is that seunglix christmas fic I mentioned before, I'm thinking of writing it out in advance for next december

Also, not going to lie, all the descendants talk makes me want to dabble into fic for it but im not sure yet. We shall see!

(thanks for the ask <3)

[brightlotusmoon]

I'm so annoyed at TMNT favoritism in Leo and Raph like if it was the fandom that would be fine with me I like both characters I just dislike how the TMNT show runners only ever care about them and their big dumb fight they have every single movie or show like even rise did the fight thing and left Mikey and Donnie's character development behind like what is it with the show runners in doing this like we have already constantly seen Raph and Leo at each others throats in every movie it's getting stale and boring because it ends up being the plot it's why I'm excited for Mutant Mayhem series and loved the movie it was entertaining it didn't have the annoying fight scene either what are your thoughts on this

Keep in mind that Raph was Kevin's favorite, Don was Peter's favorite, Mike was based on Steve, and Leo was at first a generic leader soldier type so they needed big storylines for him to establish his character.

Now, I fully agree with you. Many long time fans do. The Leo And Raph Man Pain Cycle became very popular, and when the 2007 film came out, it hit a boiling point. The fandom let out a collective boiling gasp and things were never the same. And then we learned that the studios couldn't make the two sequels featuring Mikey joining the Foot and Donnie meeting the Triceratons. Boy were fanfics written.

It was easy to create and ride such an explosive relationship, a classic blue vs red cliche. Donnie was considered the gentle one and Mikey was too much of a goofball: in fact, 2003 had a whole clause where Mikey wasn't allowed too much angst, to preserve his class clown persona. The original script for Outbreak and Good Genes was to have Mikey double mutated. But it was argued that Donnie would easily cure him. So Donnie got stabbed by the mutant roach instead!

Leo's PTSD arc was one of the first instances of a cartoon character going through it like that. Raph had the right kind of intensity to help him through.

You're correct in that we never really got to see the weight of the drama hit Don or Mike in a similar way. They're the little brothers. Although, Kevin did admit that he always thought of Donnie as older than Raph despite it not even mattering.

Despite those weird anons and antis complaining at me for it, I make it a point to dig into Mikey's psychology, and by extension Donnie"s, and pull out the emotional, insecure, anxious, terrified teenager nightmares, aging the boys to at least twenty (which they are at the end of 2003) and reminding them that they all have PTSD and Mike is just as capable of Deep Thoughts.

[insipid-drivel]

Tama and her best sister, Maggie, passed out after zoomies. Maggie (the black Chihuahua, left) is only beginning to realize her new best friend is a self-heating fur blanket/emotional time machine. Their story is kind of making me weepy as it's been unfolding.

What's wonderful is that, while Maggie is a 22-month-old rescue from out of state, Tama is just barely 4 months old and from a happy, secure home with a Pomsky breeder that specializes with health, temperament, and disease-eliminating breeding practices, and is also a licensed competitive obedience trainer. If things go well, I hope for Tama to be licensed as my ESA, since I lost my furbaby ESA 2 years ago and needed a long time to grieve, as well as find the right dog with the right temperament. I still fully endorse rescuing, with Maggie and my calico, Nimue, both being sponsored out of state rescues that I love very much, but Tama's circumstances are a little more unique since I need her to be reared for an actual job where her background can really count. Maggie seems to need her own ESA at the best of times, and Nimue is very uncomfortable with anywhere that isn't home, inside, with a visible roof and central air, and me watching birds out the window with her while I also rub her tummy.

Maggie's always been very clingy, quick to panic and bark at strange noises, and generally seems to have had pretty bad anxiety and self confidence issues that no amount of human affection and comfort seemed to make progress with. I get the sense she was weaned too soon, was the runt, or came from an environment where she was one of many other dogs and puppies. She's very shy, afraid of aggression, submissive, and very much was not capable of standing her ground or asserting any dominance or boundaries before Tama came home with me.

Since bonding, Maggie has actually started to seem to regress emotionally and psychologically to acting and playing like she's Tama's age (approx. 4 months), and is acting like they're maturing at the same rate. She's getting better with her potty training by watching Tama, making happy and playful sounds she never has before, barking less, and sticking up for herself and demonstrating more confidence. She even learned basic commands like "sit" and "leave it" from joining Tama during obedience lessons. Maggie even learned to use her Big Sister voice to help me teach Tama to be gentle with her teeth during playtime.

It's really touching to see Maggie healing by having the chance to have a do-over with her puppyhood alongside Tama. It reminds me that for those of us humans walking around with old traumas, spending time doing the things we couldn't enjoy during those times - childish as we may feel doing them at first - really can help us heal and reclaim time we thought was lost to us forever.

Sometimes it just takes an annoying kid that has 0 chill about acting their age to get us there.

[clonehub]

The original JaKi story was quite a bit forced to be honest. Jax was in crusade squad and Kiki was still a Jedi general but they barely interacted and then somehow somehow they're endgame post O66

and I tried to see how i could make it so that Kiki and Jax actually have a connection before they start their relationship after they both escape the GAR/Empire, but it was still feeling forced. I kept skipping over that immediate escape bit because it didn't occur to me that I actually could write through them getting to know one another (inexperienced writer)

and then I realized kiki doesn't need to have reciprocal feelings for Jax. she can be a slowburn/aro type of person 100%. I'd already set up her an Hahkin and her and Bliz in a similar fashion in terms of unreciprocated romantic feelings.

And Jax has his own journey with kiki, though he goes through it by himself: learning not to put her on a pedestal because she's a Jedi + he likes her. The former was what the Kaminoans taught them. That the Jedi are surreal serene gods who can do anything. Kiki is rather outgoing, energetic, blunt, and boisterous. She admits when she can't or doesn't want to do something. She makes mistakes. she gets in her head. Jax had to go from justifying or excusing her mistakes to himself and others to saying "No, she fucked up and if I have to tell her, I'll tell her"

Jax also suffered loads of verbal abuse from a drill sergeant on Kamino, which led to him having anxiety and self esteem/confidence issues. He's been working on it since he graduated if only because Edger has always been a steadfast believer in his capabilities. part of how Jax copes with his own poor view of himself is by believing in and encouraging others. He's patient, gentle, and understanding. He has to learn how to view himself as a person with valid desires and opinions rather than always shoving his own wants/needs aside.

But I also want to make Jax and Kiki friends before they both leave! yes at first Jax is terrified of Kiki, Kiki can sense that he has feelings for her, but she doesn't reciprocate them and she likes Jax's temperament and general personality. There may or may not be a bit of her teasing him just to see him get flushed when she stands next to him. She doesnt torture him though aksjdhfals

But they have really good conversations and quite a few private moments that help Jax to humanize and de-pedestalize Kiki. Times where she's training him with a bo staff or they're just stretching or its after a battle and she's checking up on him. And he, despite his nerves and fluttery feelings, does try more and more to do the same with her. The second she stops having god status in his head and he's able to talk to her like a person is when he fully falls in love with her.

so they're friends! I've got me a lil slow burn friends to lovers romance going on, which I like because it adds variety to how I normally handle my romances. Kiki doesnt really start looking at Jax as a viable partner option until he makes it clear he's also interested in being a father to her baby.

But I want a more concrete journey for Jax that doesn't revolve around his anxiety and his romance with Kiki. I've struggled with this problem for years. For instance, Ridge is one of my richest characters in terms of development + story. He's got a whole other life he keeps secret to cope with both the war + the PTSD he acquired from sexual abuse as a child on Kamino. He has identity issues and doesn't like being a clone because he thinks being a clone is why he was abused. He acts out a lot. And then he has a mirrored relationship with Bliz and they both take out their control issues on each other. But they both are friends with Kiki.

Maybe Jax's more abstract story line works for him? he's not flying toward a specific end point like ridge is. idk.

[thewriteroflucifenia]

Character Notes from my Medusa Novel part 2

Perseus

In this story, Perseus is actually a dear friend of Medusa's, and is essentially her adoptive little brother. They go on many adventures together and have both become heroes.

He's a compassionate person first and foremost, always wanting to do right by others. He struggles with turning someone away or cutting off second/third/fourth chances. There's been a few exceptions, anyone who directly hurts his loved ones likely won't be forgiven easily, but he's extremely hesitant to hurt anyone and tries to use violence as a last resort.

He's having to get caught up educationally before he can become king of Argos, and his many adventures tend to get in the way of his studies.

During the novel, he's engaged to Andromeda, but they are waiting to marry until he's prepared to become king. Danae houses Andromeda in the palace to keep her safe from her family.

After returning his loaned equipment to his half siblings, Perseus was gifted a new pair of flying sandals and sword by Hephaestus.

He has a slight fear of horses, mostly because he finds Pegasus in particular intimidating. He still hasn't learned how to ride one, despite Medusa attempting to teach him.

Danae

Simultaneously the most gentle soul you will ever meet and completely incapable of putting up with bullshit anymore.

Danae is a nurturing person who loves being a mom. She became an adoptive mother to Medusa, Euryale, and Stheno and considers them just as much her daughters as Perseus is her son.

She has a mostly managed phobia of gold which led her to smelting all gold in the palace of Argos and replacing everything with other fine materials instead. She refuses to wear it and hesitates to touch it, but also is able to control her anxiety enough to function when she is forced to be around it.

She loves birds and accidentally befriends Hera when they both are watching the same pretty flamingo. Hera has a small crisis when she realizes she doesn't hate her or Perseus. This is more for a short story I want to write on the side, but it's my Tumblr post so ha.

Kordelia (Delia)

The original love interest of the story! She's my take on the blind woman Medusa falls in love with.

Delia is a physician's apprentice and literal genius. She can be a bit arrogant about her intelligence and often defensive as an educated young woman in a man's field, but she genuinely wants to help people.

She has a strange, innate power to manipulate the states of matter.

Delia has a special gorgon pendant she always wears because it used to belong to her mother. It's a comfort item of sorts, she often fiddles with it when she's in a tense situation.

She wasn't always blind. Delia lost her eyesight due to a curse from a god who she refused to acknowledge during a face to face encounter. Every time she cries, she loses more of her vision. This went on for four years until she was left completely blind. The gradual loss allowed her to learn to navigate well, however, and she's quite capable of accomplishing her daily tasks on her own, including mixing medicines.

She meets Medusa by chance and upon feeling her scaly hands, believes that she has a terrible case of eczema. She gives her a homemade cream for her skin and asks her to let her know if it improves her symptoms. Medusa was confused until she realized that Delia was blind.

Delia likes to pet the individual snakes on Medusa's head because she thinks they're cute and friendly.