#both of them are so terrifying and will only get worse in s3 but i also feel so bad for them

[linagram]

To each of the prisoners: Define love.

To each of the guards: Define justice.

OH THIS ONE IS INTERESTING...

Akio: Do I have to answer this.. Why would you ask me that anyway? Is this because of the answer I gave during my second interrogation?.. Fine. I think love is.. Always staying by your lover's side. Never leaving them. Never betraying them. Always being honest with them. Being so loyal to them, you could die for them. Um.. Haha, so he never did any of those things..

Aimi: Hmm, I've never had a significant other, so it's hard to say, haha.. Well, I think love is when you two feel safe around each other! It's when you can trust your partner with anything and know that they won't break their promise and they won't leave you no matter what you do. And no matter what, they will never judge you. Ah, I think you can say the same about platonic and familial love too!

Shun: U-um.. Let's see.. Well, it's obviously going on dates and.. Uh.. Doing all the romantic stuff, y-you know?.. D-do I have to tell you all the details?.. Y-you're looking at me like I don't know anything about romance. And I do know about it, please believe me! I mean, I did have a girlfriend.. A-anyway, love is something that I will never be complete without. I need to be loved. It's like.. If I'm loved, it means someone in this world appreciates me, right? They would probably be sad if something happened to me..

Naomi: Um.. I never was that interested in romance, so I can't really- Hm? It doesn't have to be romantic? I see.. Well, I can't even tell you that much about platonic love.. I'm sorry, I'm really boring when it comes to that, haha. But if I had to think about it more.. Maybe it's when others don't expect anything from you? You can be anything you want to be and you're still wanted and appreciated.. It sounds nice when I think about it, actually.

Kei: Heyyyy, didn't you say that someone like me can't know anything about love? Haha, well, as I've said before, I believe that pain and love can't be separated. Why? The thing is, if someone puts you through so much pain every single day, but you still choose to stay with them and don't even think about leaving them.. Yeah, that's love to me. And if you truly love someone, you'll be okay with them hurting you in some way. That's what Mom used to say. And I love her. You love her too, Eiji. You've never even tried to run away, after all.

Eiko: You're probably not gonna believe me, but I actually wasn't interested in love at all until I.. well, met that guy. I thought it was just a stupid waste of time, just like friendship and all that stuff. But hey, of course I felt lonely. My relationships never had any meaning, the only somewhat deep relationship I have is the one with my dad. So, if you were to ask me about love.. I think love is when your relationship with someone has some kind of meaning. Maybe it makes you happy. Maybe it wants you to keep living. Maybe it makes you feel like you have some kind of purpose. You just know that if something happened to that person, you would feel like your life has become incomplete. That's love to me.

Asahi: E-eh?.. I know that I'm more mature than other kids, but like.. Ugh, fine. So, uh, I think love is when someone gives you everything you could ever want from them. N-no, I'm not just talking about food and toys and that stuff! Though that's also important, of course.. But like.. I-if you asked them for a hug, they'd be okay with it.. And if you asked them to spend time with you, they'd still agree even if they're busy.. A-anyway, I know I'll be popular when I grow up, but right now I don't care about all that. I just wanna have fun and I don't want to think about anything.. Uh, "serious".

Yurika: Your question is simple, so my answer will be the same. It's what I felt for my boss. S-she wasn't just a manager to me. She actually gave me a reason to live. She showed me that I still have worth even if I'm not that smart, not that hardworking and not that productive. She's not like my parents at all and those guys are rich, but still wanted me to work! H-huh?.. "Did you see your manager as your lover or your mother figure?".. Uh.. B-both?

Riku: Let me think.. Well, there's many different types of love, you know? I don't really know which one you want me to talk about.. Oh, so like, love in general? Um.. For some reason, it's still hard for me to think of an answer.. Maybe something like, even if you get sad or angry sometimes, they still understand you and still willing to listen to you? Like, they won't go "Come on, cheer up already!" Oh, also they respect your privacy and personal space, that one's important. Even if I love them, I don't want them to call me at 3 am and start telling me the tragic story of how their cat died when they were eight, thank you very much.. Y-yeah, that did happen to me once.

Reina: I don't know much about it, so I'm afraid my answer won't be that interesting. But maybe.. it's when someone still wants to be with you even if they've seen your worst qualities? No, I don't mean any of that "But I still find them beautiful" kind of stuff. That's actually kinda concerning. It's like, they won't leave you if they see you fighting with someone and yelling at them, but they also won't tell you that you were in the right for acting like that, if you really were in the wrong.

Eiji: It's when all sinners get what they deserve. They get the punishments that fit their sins and they have no choice but to accept it, meanwhile the innocent ones get to finally live a peaceful life. And before you ask me, no, nobody in this prison is innocent except me and Guard 002.

Miki: I'm not really as passionate about it as Eiji-san, but.. I think it's when people who did something bad without any reason and don't feel any remorse get.. I-I don't want to say "punished", but.. Basically, they're not able to do anything to the innocent people anymore. I want to believe that everyone in this prison is innocent and everyone had their own reasons and if it wasn't for those reasons, they would never kill anyone.. But I'm not so sure anymore. So if someone in this prison really is guilty.. I guess I'll have to make sure they don't hurt the innocent.

Hiyuu: I think it's when all people are treated as equals. Even if someone is guilty, I won't treat them like a villain. I will punish them, because that's my job as a guard, but it doesn't mean I genuinely want their life to get worse and it doesn't mean I want them to die. I just want them to see what will happen if they continue to act this way. Pain is the worst thing that could ever happen to anyone, so I believe that even if that someone really did something bad, they should be treated with respect if they're in pain. So you can trust me, my punishments won't be that bad, haha.

[solarmorrigan]

May I request a thrupple for the angst quote prompt?

“Please I just… really need space right now.”

With ChissyxStevexEddie. If not the thrupple then a pair of your choice from those three characters.

Hello! I'm sorry, I didn't quite manage to work Chrissy into this one. Honestly, this particular fill argued with me so much I'm kind of glad I even got Eddie and Steve in there. I hope this is okay, anyway!

[post-S3 Steddie AU; CW: Deals with the aftermath of torture, heavily discusses non-consensual touching (not inherently sexual, not between Eddie and Steve), contains the theme of trying to help someone through trauma. This is very soft, though, I promise]

Angsty-ish Prompt List

-

The Steve Harrington who comes home to Eddie from the hospital on the fifth of July is not the same one who had kissed him goodbye before his shift at that shitty ice cream parlor two days prior.

He’s still Eddie’s Steve, of course he is, but he’s also – he’s withdrawn, and he’s jumpy, and he’s so, so hurt.

Eddie had seen the aftermath of that fight with Hargrove (who hadn’t? Though Eddie had even had the privilege of watching the last of the bruises fade from up close as he and Steve became friends), but this is worse. Eddie can’t articulate how at first, but it is.

At least back in November, Steve had been able to talk about how he’d gotten his injuries; this time, he has to hide behind some fucked up cover story – because bull-fucking-shit had he gotten hurt by falling debris in a freak mall fire.

Debris hadn’t left marks like fucking boot prints on Steve’s back and chest. It hadn’t bruised and rubbed his wrists red and raw. It hadn’t left the distinct shape of fingers in purple and blue, wrapped around his arms on both sides.

Eddie had tried exactly once to address this, when he’d first seen the extent of the damage hidden under Steve’s shirt. He’d tried to demand answers, tried to get out of Steve who had laid their fucking hands on him, but Steve had gone grey under his bruises and shook his head.

“It was a fire, Eddie. Nothing else. I need you to understand that,” Steve had said, more serious than Eddie had ever heard him, his one good eye wide with urgent anxiety – with something almost like fear. “It was just a fire.”

Eddie hasn’t brought it up again.

It makes him burn to know that someone had done this to Steve and that he can’t do a goddamn thing about it. It makes him want to scream, it makes him want to find whoever had been responsible and make them hurt, but more than anything–

More than anything, it terrifies him.

Because this Steve is different – his Steve is different now, and Eddie doesn’t know what to do.

It scares him to see Steve slinking around the trailer like it isn’t his home (more of a home than his parents’ house has ever been). It scares him when he forgets that Steve’s left is his bad side and that if he comes up on him too fast, he’ll startle the shit out of him. It scares him that Steve has a bad side. It scares him when he reaches for him, unthinkingly going for the contact that Steve has always been so hungry for, has been so comforted by in the past, and instead Steve flinches away.

Eddie has never really had to take care of someone else, and he feels like he’s fucking it up at every turn. He feels like he’s hurting Steve even more, that he’s no better than whoever did this to him, no better than Billy fucking Hargrove, no better than Steve’s parents; he’s afraid he’s going to ruin things, break Steve beyond repair, because he doesn’t know how to care for this new version of him.

The only thing that gives him hope that he isn’t doing too badly is the fact that Steve is staying. He still wants to be in Eddie’s company, still reaches out sometimes and tentatively slides his hand over Eddie’s while they’re watching TV together, still shares Eddie’s bed at night. He’s been stubbornly insisting that he’s fine, he’s fine, he just needs time to heal, but beyond a refusal to admit that anything is wrong, he still trusts Eddie to help when he’s not at his best.

Of course, no matter what he says, Steve isn’t actually fine, and even if that weren’t made apparent just by looking at him, it becomes abundantly clear when the lights go out and they lie down to sleep – when the nightmares hit.

Sometimes, they’re small things: quickened breath and inaudible murmuring, furrowed brows that eventually smooth out as Steve is released back into deeper, more peaceful sleep.

Sometimes, though, they’re loud and sharp and violent.

Sometimes, like tonight.

Steve is half twisted in the sheets, struggling in a way his broken ribs really can’t afford, arms flailing and jerking as he tries to fight something off, as he mutters no and stop and please. Eddie sort of wants to cry, thinking about what could be making Steve beg, but more than anything he wants to wake Steve up.

He shakes him by the shoulder, dodging the jerk of his arm, and hopes he can call louder than whatever’s going on in Steve’s head.

“Steve. Steve, c’mon, wake up,” Eddie shakes Steve again and Steve jerks away with a wounded noise. “It’s just a nightmare, baby, come on. Steve!”

Steve’s eyes snap open with a sharp gasp, like he’s been holding his breath, but his gaze is still hazy. He’s awake, but he isn’t present, and he immediately starts shoving at Eddie’s hands, trying to scoot away on the bed.

“No, no, get off– get off me!” he shouts, managing to make it as far as the edge of the bed before the tangle of the sheets holds him in place.

“Steve it’s– it’s just me, it’s Eddie, it was a nightmare, you’re–” as reassuring as Eddie is trying to be, he can’t help the distressed crack in his voice. “Baby, you’re safe, I fucking swear.”

Finally, Steve stops struggling. He lies against the mattress for a moment, breathing heavily, before he ventures a small, “Eddie?”

“Yeah, sweetheart, I’m right here,” Eddie promises.

He shuffles closer on his knees, reaching out for Steve, hoping to comfort or soothe or ground or something, but Steve flinches away, tossing up an arm to halt Eddie in his tracks with a quickly barked, “No.”

“Steve,” Eddie breathes out, and he doesn’t mean to sound so fucking broken, but he should be the one person Steve is never afraid of, and he’s fucking that up.

“I… Please, I just…” Steve stutters out, still catching his breath, trying to sit himself up against the wall that the head of the bed is pressed to, “…really need space right now. Just– just leave me alone for a while.”

And all at once, even if Eddie knows nothing else, he knows that isn’t right.

“I don’t think you should be alone right now, sweetheart.”

Steve, now propped up against the wall, lets his head hang with a heavy sigh. “Eddie…”

“No, look, I’m not–” Eddie scrambles off the bed and moves across the small room, until he’s got his back to the opposite wall. “I’m not gonna touch you, I’ll stay over here, you don’t even have to look at me, but I’m not going to leave you by yourself.”

Steve had never wanted to be left alone when things were bad before. When he was alone, his anxiety would consume him; without the anchor of another person, it would carry him away, and Eddie is certain the same thing will happen now if he leaves Steve to deal with the aftermath of his nightmare in solitude.

For a long moment, Steve stares at him, eyes wide and wet with unshed tears in the low light of the bedroom, but he eventually looks away again. He says nothing, just curling in on himself in a way that must be hell on his ribs as he leans back against the wall, and Eddie takes that as the best permission he’s going to get.

He slides down the wall and sits on the floor, his knees pulled up in front of him in a loose mirror of Steve’s position. He doesn’t move, he doesn’t speak, but he’s there, and he has to believe that’s worth something.

It startles him when, some thirty minutes in (probably the longest Eddie’s ever been able to sit in silence without something to occupy him), Steve speaks.

“I can still feel their hands on me.”

His voice is a quiet rasp, but the words hit Eddie like hailstones. He wants to ask who, he wants to demand what, but he knows if he says anything now, Steve will clam up, so Eddie keeps his mouth shut, and he waits.

“Even before they– before they started hitting me.” Steve isn’t looking at Eddie, instead addressing the wall, gaze distant and unblinking. “They grabbed me and… searched me, cuffed me, they kept – putting their hands on my face, grabbing my hair, and I couldn’t…”

Couldn’t stop them.

Eddie feels a little sick.

Steve is quiet for so long after that that Eddie begins to wonder if he should say something, but Steve breaks the silence before he has to figure out what.

“Out of everything, I don’t know why that… why that left the biggest impression, but I–” he breaks off, turning and finally looking at Eddie. “I want to feel you again, but any time someone touches me, I can only see them.”

Eddie doesn’t think he’s going to survive this. His heart is going to fucking break.

He needs to do something, he needs to help, and maybe he has no clue what he’s doing, but this is his Steve, and he has to try.

Slowly, Eddie levers himself up off the floor and moves towards the door, where he hits the switch for the overhead lights, making the entire room go bright.

Steve winces at the sudden change, turning a wary look on Eddie as he approaches the bed.

“Eddie, what…”

“Just– just trust me. Let me try,” Eddie says, soft and earnest, holding Steve’s gaze as he sits on the edge of the bed. “Please?”

It takes a long moment, but Steve gives a hesitant nod, and Eddie scoots closer. He leaves space between them, still, but he gets close enough that he could reach out and take Steve’s hands – which is exactly what he intends to do.

“Look at me,” Eddie says, quiet and firm. “Just look at me, nowhere else.”

Steve does as he’s told, and Eddie manages a smirk.

“Just pretend I’m the most interesting thing in the room,” he tries to tease. “Like there’s nothing else you’d ever wanna look at.”

“Don’t have to pretend,” Steve murmurs, eyes locked on Eddie’s face, and Eddie’s smile melts into something more genuine.

“There you are,” he says softly.

He reaches for Steve’s hands, and slowly, Steve unwraps them from where he’s been clutching firm around his legs, and lets Eddie touch him.

His hands are cold in spite of the summer heat that invades the trailer no matter how hard their crappy little air conditioner works, and they’re trembling slightly, but Steve doesn’t pull back. He stares right at Eddie and holds on.

Eddie brings one hand up, cradled in his own, and presses a gentle kiss to the knuckles. The bruises there have already faded (their presence had been the least distressing out of all the damage; Eddie likes knowing that Steve had at least gotten a few hits in), but he attends carefully to each knuckle, anyway. He kisses the back of Steve’s hand, feeling a little like a courtly lord from one of his own campaigns. Steve is starting to look at him like he might be one.

The bruises around Steve’s wrists are taking longer to heal; the damage is deeper, and the colors still paint livid rainbow circles on his skin (his face is going to take longer, still; Steve says the doctor told him he’d lucked out with a minor fracture to his orbital bone that will heal on its own with time. Eddie looks at the discoloration there and feels like he has some choice words for the doctor). Eddie moves his attention up, brushing his lips featherlight across the top of Steve’s wrist before turning his hand over and paying the same devotion to the underside.

“Eddie…” Steve breathes, and Eddie presses one last kiss to the palm of Steve’s hand.

“It’s me,” Eddie promises, bringing Steve’s other hand up now. “Watch me, sweetheart, it’s just me.”

He keeps eye contact as he lavishes Steve’s left hand with the same attention he’d given the right, and it occurs to him that he’s been inside the boy in front of him, but this is somehow the most intimate thing they’ve ever done.

Eddie doesn’t move beyond Steve’s wrists, doesn’t push any more than he already has, and Steve’s eyes are still on him by the time he finishes, wide and soft and glassy.

“Okay?” Eddie asks softly, dropping his hands to hold both of Steve’s in his lap.

Slowly, Steve nods. He looks away at last, turning his eyes to their joined hands, and tightens his fingers until he’s holding onto Eddie properly.

They sit like that for a long time, quiet and close, until Eddie can feel himself flagging and he can see Steve’s eyelids drooping.

“Let’s try to get some more sleep,” Eddie says around a stifled yawn. “You do need your beauty rest, after all.”

Steve laughs, a little huff of a thing, and casts a quick glance up at Eddie. “Can– can we leave the light on?” He rushes the words out, like he hates to even ask, but Eddie only nods.

“Whatever you need, Steve,” he promises – and he means it.

Maybe he has no idea what the fuck he’s doing, but he’s not going anywhere until he figures it out.

And when Steve settles down beside him in bed, and scooches just close enough that their arms are pressed together, Eddie figures maybe he’s not doing too badly, after all.

[green-alm0nd]

[Crosshair x gn!reader]: Just breathe

----

----

Summary:

In which Crosshair fails Omega, missing the shot that took her away from Pabu and back to Tantiss. He feels guilty, and angry at himself. Luckily, you're always there for him.

WARNINGS: SPOILERS FOR TBB S3 E11, swearing, angst, panic attacks, breakdowns, comfort, reader being Crosshair's shoulder to rely on. Kinda short but there's comfort in the end.

Enjoy!

----

The waves on the shore of Pabu always brought a sense of comfort to the townspeople.

To Crosshair, however, brought a sense of dread when he saw his locator fall to the enraged water below the island.

It had been his hand. His damn hand.

He suddenly felt cold, a shiver running through his spine. He had failed, and a sense of guilt, dread and disappointment ran through his body, from head to toe.

His hand started shaking uncontrollably, and he gripped it tightly in order to make it stop. But he couldn't.

His heartbeat quickened, and found it hard to breathe. He took his helmet off, his fingers gripping the stone of the rock fence.

"Cross! Cross! Are you okay?!"

His eyes widened, he did not want to deal with you now. Not because you were too bubbly for him at that moment, but he didn't want you to see him so insecure.

He started breathing heavily, and clenched his chest with one hand while his other hand was placed between you both.

"Get- away from me."

You frowned.

"Cross..." You whispered, very slowly getting closer. You took very small steps, trying to ignore the fact that the Imperial ship was leaving the now partially destroyed island of Pabu. Eventually, you reached a point where his palm was stopping you from helping your boyfriend.

"Can I touch you?" You asked, keeping your calm.

Crosshair continued hyperventilating, and he let out the smallest nod he ever gave you. To this, you grabbed both his hands and started rubbing circles around them.

"Crosshair. Look at me"

He didn't raise his head. He was terrified of what you would think when you saw he was weak.

"Crosshair." You said, slowly bringing your fingers to his chin, lifting his face up.

His eyes filled with tears, and he started breaking down while his breathing only got faster, and worse. He didn't know how to stop it.

You placed your hand on his heart.

"Breath with me, Cross. Inhale," You started, inhaling a big chunk of air. Crosshair did so, but it wasn't as long and as slow. It's seemed like he was trying his best, though. "...And exhale."

You let all the air out, staring at him.

"Let's go again. Inhale... exhale. Inhale...exhale..."

Slowly but surely, Crosshair's breathing slowed down. Until, he just looked at you in a numb way. Almost as if he was too tired to show his feelings.

Eventually, he looked down, and decided to speak.

"I failed. The shot."

You raised an eyebrow.

"What shot?" You asked.

"Omega. She got captured and expected me to shoot a tracker on the ship. But it fell to the water, because of my hand." He replied, growling at the last part.

Your eyes widened.

"Omega...?" You asked. "How?"

Crosshair sighed.

"She didn't want the people suffer more than they already have." He explained, curtly.

You covered your mouth with your hand. That was the worst thing you wanted to hear after your boyfriend missing a shot.

You tried to see the 'bigger picture', though there was no bigger picture in that situation.

You looked at him.

"We'll...figure something out, I promise. Let's focus on what to tell Hunter."

Crosshair nodded.

Moments like this, when he was lost in the darkness, he'd let you physically get closer to him. He was not one to really like physical touch, but more fond of gift giving. Still, he let you hug him this time. You wrapped your arms around the tall, slim figure that was trembling. For a snarky man like Crosshair, it scared you a bit to see him like this.

He looked helpless, unprotected, defenceless, even.

You shook your thoughts away, and tried to focus on the moment in the middle of the aftermath of the battle.

After you pulled away, you kissed Crosshair's shoulder.

"We'll figure something out. I promise."

----

Some comfort before The Bad Batch ep 15 comes out!

Reblogs and shares are highly appreciated!

My requests are still open :p

[savagewildnerness]

Part V - The Vampire Armand

Posting my book club notes here once again... oof - only just did 'em!

Questions:

"If you had ever felt real longing for any other one, you would know that what you feel for your son is nothing at all.” - Armand says this to Gabrielle.  Is it true?  I think Armand understands longing, but not really love.  Whereas Gabrielle doesn’t long for any other human. But she does love Lestat.  I think, speaking honestly, she often doesn’t love Lestat *enough*, but it doesn’t mean that it is not love.  She *does* love him unconditionally, as I see it. Still, in later times, when Lestat is in despair or near death or in terrible trouble, Gabrielle usually does not come to help her son…

Seeing as Daniel is a vampire now, Lestat could show him his life story wordlessly in his mind.  He doesn’t need to speak it aloud.  Do you think this could be part of the TV show?

P290 Lestat talks of the intimacy of opening your mind as a vampire - it’s described as beyond even the satiation of blood-sharing… so if Lestat verbally talks to Daniel, could this be contrasted with him opening his mind when sharing parts of his story with Louis?  Surely so…?  Also, there’s something about how you can interrupt a spoken conversation, but you have to just listen to something shared directly from the mind…?

Gabrielle speaks in this part of what she desires from immortality.  Has she found the answers she sought?

Will we get any of Armand’s story in S3?  I feel like maybe not.

P305 & 307 Armand’s despair is redolent of Nicolas’.  Do Armand and Nicki meet in mind in some way here in this core-of-self where they need to believe, but instead there is an empty void?

“…he knew no hope, and no grief, and no joy. All those things had come from the Master, and the Master was no more.” - Nicolas could almost say this of Lestat, although Nicolas is FAR more strong-willed and individualistic and obviously an artist.

“And the other secret, which he kept from his followers for their sake, was simply the extent of his ever deepening despair.

That he craved nothing, cherished nothing, believed nothing finally, and took not one particle of pleasure in his ever increasing and awesome powers, and existed from moment to moment in a void broken once every night of his eternal life by the kill” Armand doesn’t rail against it in madness as Nicki does… but the way everything is now meaningless reminds me of Nicki

I began to think of the vampires as elements:

Lestat - the infinite star-filled sky

Nicolas - the bird, flying over the vast wasteland of The World

Armand - the deep, undulating ocean

Louis - Land. Home.  Safety.  Respite.

Gabrielle - waterfalls and rain and running water in streams and rock pools

Marius - the mountains - proud and eternal

Maharet - Earth: clay and soil

Akasha - blood.

“I thought of the night in the inn when I had seen the meaninglessness of life, and the soft fathomless despair of Armand's story seemed an ocean in which I might drown. This was worse than the blasted shore in Nicki's mind. This was for three centuries, this darkness, this nothingness.”

Again, a shared desolation at the core of both Armand and Nicolas.

p310 Trying to work out Lestat’s philosophy as a vampire and to get to the root of what Lestat cannot abide about the Theatre des Vampires…… Lestat does not wish to deceive mortals.  He wants to live amongst mortals, but without deceiving them.  His philosophy appears to be that it is fine to enjoy life as a mortal and for mortals to perceive you as a mortal.  Where it gets confused for me is when Lestat starts to think on his human topics of art and expression and goodness and emotion and humanity.  He says that when *he* stood on the stage at Renaud’s and terrified everyone he was revealing himself, not being deceitful… yet he finds Marius’ art - which replicates human art - painting angels and skies to be “good” whereas he finds Nicolas’ art, in which Nicolas does not lie about the monster he is, but rather reveals it… to be “petty”.  Lestat, I think, realises his hypocrisy as attested by this here - “I saw the little stage at Renaud's and I heard myself sing and the singing become a roar. Nicolas said, "It is splendid." I said, "It is petty." And it was like striking Nicolas. In my imagination he said what he had not said that night: "Let me have what I can believe in. You would never do that.””  Here it is Marius who is deceiving and Nicolas who is not here, yet it is Nicolas’ art Lestat cannot abide.  This makes me wonder whether it is about the art at all?  Lestat loves to tell us what a fabulously wonderful, evil vampire he is - the beastliest beast!  But he hates anything that reminds him of the inhumanity that’s in his core.  Maybe this is in fact a thing he and Louis share?  Lestat knows this of himself (whereas Louis has to learn to understand and accept it as part of himself as he splits himself into good-Louis and bad-Louis-who-is-not-Louis).  Anyway, all this to say I think there is a lot of hypocrisy in Lestat’s stance here and denial of his own terror of what he is - understandably so!

The theatre for Armand is actually Gabrielle’s idea and it is Gabrielle who pushes Armand to it.  Does she see something at the heart of Armand and Nicolas that could connect since she can hear both of their thoughts?

I wonder if we’ll see Armand in the theatre much in this era?

I adore the prose of the start of this section.  In terms of the way the prose is written, it’s perhaps my favourite moment in Anne’s writing - like an actual poem; resonant, sensual and satiating.  I love it so much that I would personally have this entire section as VoiceOver to this scene in S3 myself!  I especially love the bold quote

“Spring rain. Rain of light that saturated every new leaf of the trees in the street, every square of paving, drift of rain threading light through the empty darkness itself.

And the ball in the Palais Royal.

The king and queen were there, dancing with the people. Talk in the shadows of intrigue. Who cares? Kingdoms rise and fall. Just don't burn the paintings in the Louvre, that's all.

Lost in a sea of mortals again; fresh complexions and ruddy cheeks, mounds of powdered hair atop feminine heads with all manner of millinery nonsense in them, even minute ships with three masts, tiny trees, little birds. Landscapes of pearl and ribbon. Broad-chested men like cocks in satin coats like feathered wings. The diamonds hurt my eyes.

The voices touched the surface of my skin at times, the laughter the echo of unholy laughter, wreaths of candles blinding, the froth of music positively lapping the walls.

Gusts of rain from the open doors.

Scent of humans gently stoking my hunger. White shoulders, white necks, powerful hearts running at that eternal rhythm, so many gradations among these naked children hidden in riches, savages labouring beneath a swaddling of chenille, encrustations of embroidery, feet aching over high heels, masks like scabs about their eyes.

The air comes out of one body and is breathed into another. The music, does it pass out of one ear and into another, as the old expression goes? We breathe the light, we breathe the music, we breathe the moment as it passes through us.

Now and then eyes settled on me with some vague air of expectation. My white skin made them pause, but what was that when they let blood out of their veins themselves to keep their delicate pallor? (Let me hold the basin for you and drink it afterwards.) And my eyes, what were those, in this sea of paste jewels?

Yet their whispers slithered around me. And those scents, ah, not a one was like another. And as clearly as if spoken aloud it came, the summons from mortals here and there, sensing what I was, and the lust.

In some ancient language they welcomed death; they ached for death as death was passing through the room. But did they really know? Of course they didn't know. And I did not know! That was the perfect horror! And who am I to bear this secret, to hunger so to impart it, to want to take that slender woman there and suck the blood right out of the plump flesh of her round little breast.

The music rushed on, human music. The colors of the room flamed for an instant as if the whole would melt. The hunger sharpened. It was no longer an idea. My veins were throbbing with it. Someone would die. Sucked dry in less than a moment. I cannot stand it, thinking of it, knowing it's about to happen, fingers on the throat feeling the blood in the vein, feeling the flesh give, give it to me! Where? This is my body, this is my blood.

Send out your power, Lestat, like a reptile tongue to gather in a flick the appropriate heart.

Plump little arms ripe for the squeezing, men's faces on which the close-shaven blond beard all but glitters, muscle struggling in my fingers, you haven't got a chance!

And beneath this divine chemistry suddenly, this panorama of the denial of decay, I saw the bones!

Skulls under these preposterous wigs, two gaping holes peering from behind the uplifted fan. A room of wobbling skeletons waiting only for the tolling of the bell. Just as I had seen the audience that night in the pit of Renaud's when I had done the tricks that terrified them. The horror should be visited upon every other being in this room.

I had to get out. I'd made a terrible miscalculation. This was death and I could get away from it, if I could just get out! But I was tangled in mortal beings as if this monstrous place were a snare for a vampire. If I bolted, I'd send the entire ballroom into panic. As gently as I could I pushed to the open doors.

And against the far wall, a backdrop of satin and filigree, I saw, out of the corner of my eye, like something imagined, Armand.

Armand.”

Lestat seeing the skulls beneath the flesh reminds of of vanitas-based art.

I notice that Lestat often talks of the apple trees in the orchard when his mind goes back to his and Nicki’s mortal life back at home.  All sorts of connections here - from Eve, to innocence and to the actual memory [p51] “Spring was approaching, the mountains were dappled with green, the apple orchard starting back to life.  And Nicolas and I were always together.”

Armand is so cruel here - the way he gives Lestat a vision of being mortal here and then attacks him - he literally uses Lestat’s greatest, impossible yearning against him and then also replicates his rapey turning - what an attack… but I guess in retaliation, Lestat *does* nearly kill him, so…. I would love to see Armand give Lestat (& Daniel) these kinds of overwhelming visions on the show!  And I am sure he will to Nicolas and Gabrielle too…

In any case, this betrayal, Lestat will never forget.  And though he loves Armand, he knows his danger and he will try to resist him from here on.

Armand’s warnings on page 284 & 285 & 286 about the fledglings he will make - surely it will be on the show - I also love how closely Armand’s words match Lestat’s deepest fears.

“Citadels against time” is such a beautiful phrase (and where the books eventually reach…

Armand proffers the promise of understanding Lestat and Gabrielle, which is really very sad, given how he cannot even understand how to exist himself.

In this whole section, there is so much where each vampire seems to be telling another exactly what they want to hear OR their deepest fear… and it makes me realise - how genuine a conversation can you have when you can read each other’s thoughts.  “Does anyone else know the size of your soul.” Is SUCH a Romantic thing Armand says… and exactly what Lestat would want to hear.

During all of these encounters, I notice how little Gabrielle speaks compared to Lestat.  I wonder if some of Lestat’s words will go to Gabrielle on TV?  I partly hope not, as her silence is part of her, and the way when she does speak it is with her own intent also matters.

Armand references how Nicolas will be destroyed by the dark gift sooner or later pretty much every time he mentions him.

Can we have Assad playing lute please?

The first thing The Children of Darkness teach Armand is the sin of vanity and OH how Lestat is an embodiment of that as Armand would perceive him.

It’s crazy to me that Armand never thought Marius could have sent the dreams of himself being alive… it didn’t occur to Armand in all these centuries to hope?  That’s the saddest thing!

“That is why mortals must be chosen with skill. Those with great passion and indomitable will should be avoided as well as those who have none.” - The Children of Darkness would NEVER have chosen Lestat (or Nicki, or Gabrielle!)

"All things have eluded my understanding," he said. "I am as one whom the earth has given back, and you, Lestat and Gabrielle, are like the images painted by my old Master in cerulean and carmine and gold.” - I love how poetic Armand can be.

It’s funny how quickly vampires get used to hearing each other’s thoughts.  The concept seems hideous to me!

There was so much talk of Armand caging Louis in Dubai, but p308 - Armand has always been caged himself

Lestat wonders how Armand could believe in The Children of Darkness… not after they burned Maris… but after they burned ART! “"How could you have ever believed anything that they told you after they burned those paintings?" I asked. "How could you have given yourself over to them?"” “Kingdoms rise and fall. Just don't burn the paintings in the Louvre, that's all.”

P310 “You say things that mean nothing to me.” LOL!  Speak your truth Armand!

P311 - Armand and Lestat arguing over which one of them is more heartbroken made me laugh; Lestat longing for mortality; Armand for belief

P312 - Armand truly was never much part of the real world, even as a human.

“The theatre of the Vampires! I should rather the fire.” - Armand the comedian.  Desperately want Assad delivering this, deadpan.

“"What did Lestat call it? Petty?"

"That was to Nicolas because Nicolas would build fantastical philosophies upon it,”” - Spoken by Gabrielle as if Lestat didn’t spend his entire mortal life constructing fantastical philosophies around the meaning of and goodness in art!

I feel really sad for Armand at the end here.  Gabrielle and Lestat are telling him what he needs or wants to hear, rather than speaking their truth.  A horrible, sad, inevitable ending they leave him to.

But Armand still speaks *his* truth, and I love when he does. - “"I have asked myself that question," Armand answered, "many times. Was it spiritual or was it voluptuous? Was the angel painted on the triptych caught in the material, or was the material transformed?””  UGH, I love you, Armand!!!  His thoughts on art are a mix of philosophy and magic and yum yum yum.

The only thing important to ME is to go to an extreme!

I think Lestat simultaneously wishes Nicolas didn’t exist anymore at this point and he cannot bear the prospect of him not existing.  I think Nicolas will remain forever a cipher to what a human life could have been for Lestat - his only experience of mortal love and life and creating art as a mortal, and loving art created by another mortal.  The idea of them living together: loving, creating, laughing, growing old and dying and it all as beautiful as the orchard of apple trees… it’s the eternal “what if” that can never be reached.  The only impossible in an eternity of possible.  Nicolas no longer existing is the last thing that makes this truly unreachable, in all certainty.  Nicki is Lestat’s link (LOL, I typed KINK there! Hahahahahahahaha!) To his human self.  Their conversation is the unreachable.  In a way, Lestat needs Nicolas to exist for himself more than for Nicolas - this aching circle of tragedy in which it is partly kinder for Nicolas to die rather than to suffer as he does.

“"Maybe as the years pass," he said, "desire will come again to me. I will know appetite again, even passion.” - Armand sounds so Louis here!

There is so much grief here - Armand’s emptiness feels like grief and Lestat speaks of his own grief - for himself, for Nicolas, for Paris and for Armand.

Gabrielle: “"I tell you, I don't care if I never look upon another one of our kind," she said coldly. "I am done with their legends, their curses, their sorrows. And done with their insufferable humanity, which may be the most astonishing thing they've revealed.” LOL - how hilarious that Gabrielle should say this to Lestat of all beings, hahahahaha! Also, Lestat is mean to say Armand has no imagination - think of all the wild conjurings Armand can create in anyone’s mind!!!

The very end of this part is sad as the chasm between what Gabrielle desires and what Lestat does really splits open.  Gabrielle’s desires frighten Lestat and Lestat’s desires are a horrible trap to Gabrielle.  Lestat, remembering his conversation with Nicolas while with Gabrielle who doesn’t even want to tell Lestat one story - still unwilling to teach him any thing for 5 minutes of time, even now.

Gabrielle going to sleep in The Earth, digging like a beautiful witch will be visually STUNNING on TV!

The sadness of the end of this part, juxtaposed with the amusingness of Lestat’s postcard to Marius is very funny!

[yellowjacketslesbian]

What do you think Van's relationship with religion is like, before and after the crash?

hey!! I love this question because I actually have a whole hc for this!!!

pre-crash I hc that Van was raised catholic and went through catechism (with Nat & Laura Lee). I think she partially did confirmation because of family pressure, but also because I think she has always been someone who searches for meaning in the world around her, and I think she looked to the church as a way to find that meaning as a kid because it was all she knew. (I think Van's parents were probably more along the lines non-practicing catholics, and only really went to mass for major holidays, but they still really pushed for her to get confirmed to keep up appearances with extended family).

I think Van left the church sometime in middle school after she fully realized / came to terms with being a lesbian. (I personally hc that Van's dad left when she was 12 or 13 and her mom's issues got worse after, so she also didn't have the same family pressure to stay in the church). however, I believe she still held onto some of the mysticism of the church / saint lore, etc. she grew up with and she more was rejecting an organized religion she knew wouldn't accept her, rather than all of the beliefs (though I don't think she would necessarily admit that to herself).

as far as immediately pre-crash, I think Van probably used humor to cope and deflect from any religious trauma by high school and probably would have described herself as a recovered catholic / atheist, if it ever came up.

I also think having that common background of being raised catholic and rejecting that upbringing was something she bonded over with Taissa pre-crash (it's canon that at least Tai's grandmother was catholic). I can definitely picture them being their sarcastic selves together and making quips back and forth through an entire Christmas Eve midnight mass they both got dragged to.

I also think having that common background adds some additional context to their fight in the attic in S1E10. like if rejecting religion and supernatural explanations for the world around them, is something they bonded over, there's an added layer there when Van suddenly believes in this supernatural thing and Taissa is still firmly an atheist.

(I could write a whole thesis separate thesis here on why it makes so sense that Van believed so fervently in the supernatural element and embraced the cult practices as a way to make sense of that terrifying time in the wilderness, assuming a catholic upbringing. tldr: in my personal experience, it's fairly common for people who have dealt with specifically catholic religious trauma to be more susceptible to that type of influence because of the beliefs we were raised with).

anyway, post-crash I think Van struggled a lot to cope with the things they did in the wilderness and kind of just completely shut off all belief in anything instead of actually facing what they did. I also think she's going to go back to her belief in the wilderness after being cured of cancer in S3 because she never actually worked through any of her trauma, and therefore, is still very susceptible to falling back into that acolyte role.

also, if the crash never happened, I think Van would've been the type of recovered catholic who gets into like spirituality as a way to make sense of the world (tarot cards, astrology, etc.)

tldr: I think Van was raised catholic but is an atheist both pre and post-crash

[skayafair]

John, Lies and Trust, and the Dark World Pt.2

Part 1:

The Dark World

That's the part where I get very emotional for many reasons.

First time was bad enough to become what appears to be a life-long trauma and the worst nightmare John's terrified to death about. But THIS time he experienced a close bond with someone, learned what not being alone feels like, reshaped his mind to be more human-like... and lost all that. He was in the worst place in all the worlds, alone, again. Somewhere he'd give almost anything to never be. Unfamiliar horrors are one thing, but it's entirely different when you went through hell, know exactly how unbearable it is, and then you have to go through this again. Knowing how it would feel. This is devastating. And that's the first blow.

The second hit is that if I understand it correctly, ending up in the Dark World is fate worse than death because you cannot die there. As I get it, things there are already dead. So if a god - fine, a piece of a god, doesn't matter in this case, - ends up there, and gods are immortal, they have to endure this indefinitely, most likely forever, with no hope to escape. As if the very nature of the Dark World was not bad enough, the worst thing about being there this time was that it went on and on and on, the horrors didn't just happen one or a many times, they kept happening with no end in sight. Before there was at least a book. Now there was nothing. So no matter how long John held to his newfound principles and determination... anyone would run out of this eventually. I'm not surprised he rolled back to the old ways. By its description, the Dark World is not a nice and welcoming place. And, like I said, John wants to live and couldn't die there anyway, so he had to preserve what he could. He had to survive, and a survival mode is never pretty. We don't know what exactly he had to do there - on his own and for Kayne??? - but judging by the way he was in s3 I think we can confidently say one thing: he didn't enjoy any of it, and that's important. I'll get back to this later, but mention that Arthur in his survival mode is pretty terrible either.

Now we enter the territory of questions and assumptions, but still. I wondered if John had some hope - certainly not much, but some - that Arthur would get him out of there, like the first time? Or that when Arthur dies, they'll at least meet each other? John knows that together they can endure any horrors. Almost anything feels more bearable when you aren't alone in this. When it isn't lonely. But no one came. John was abandoned, completely, for good. @keykidpilipili mentioned how this situation with the Dark World is similar to Aqua's in KH, I went to watch the scenes with her and I think they really deliver exactly how unbearable this is and why. What makes me think I'm not just making things up is the fact that Arthur heard his voice during one of his first NDEs. What if it actually was John, calling from the Dark World, desperate for any glimpse of hope and companionship? Cry with me And then in s3 Arthur really says it. "How about we find each other if we end up there". Gods, my heart.

One last thing. Whatever happened there, however long it lasted, whatever John had to give up and lose there... he kept his promise. He never forgot his one and only friend, never stopped keeping him dear. And I think it's another important thing not only about John and how much his whole personality is built around being true and genuine, but also about their relationship.

Yes, to me John is about truth and not lies. His reationship with both is complicated, but... when one builds themselves up as they go, not knowing who they are yet, only exploring the concept and the limits, lies tend to really confuse them. John hates being misjudged, called by any other name than the one he chose himself, when others say things about him which are simply not true as if they knew better. He's going in a full rage mode immediately. Oh how much I understand you in this, pal. It's important for him to distinguish the truth - what actually is there, and about himself as well, - from lies, assumptions and illusions. Important to keep them apart.

But, again, when he's backed into a corner, he'd revert to lies as one of the escape means, hating every moment of it. It's a survival tactic for him - a bad one, but one of the most familiar as it seems, and therefore nearly automatic, like a knee jerk reflex. It's also the last resort.

[grim-ghou1]

A Kings Cry...

The Brotherhood had just gotten back From Oropo's Tower, Eveyone was exhausted and Tired.

Especially Yugo.

Night began to Fall as Everyone was getting ready for Bed, Yugo However was pacing Back and forth in His room Next to Adamaï.

He couldn't Stop thinking, 'What if we get Attacked? What if we get Ambused?..' He thought as he continued to Pace.

That was until a voice snapped him form his Thoughts; "Hey, You've been pacing for atleast 20 Minutes, What's Wrong?" Adamaï got up Looking at him worriedly.

Yugo had been Extremely Jumpy Since they got back from Oropos Tower; He'd act like something was always around the Corner. His tail swayed Unconsciously Without him Knowing, Adamaï could feel his Stress. He would bring yugo to his Side trying to calm him Down.

"A..Ad I dont.. Know!" Yugo said Shakily as he started to break. His tail curled under him as he looked up at Adamaï.

"Stay here." Adamaï said to Yugo, Gently Pushing him on the bed. Yugo curled up into a ball, His wings wrapped around himself while his tail remained curled under him. He was terrified of Oropo coming back.

Adamaï walked out of Yugos Room, Closing the door as gentle as possible.

"So How is he!?" Elely Shouted at the dragon. Adamaï quickly put his claw on her Mouth, Putting a finger to his Lips Shushing her.

"He's worse than when we left, He wont calm down. I'm gonna have to talk to Phearis about this, This is too much for him." Adamaï continued.

"You." He pointed at Amalia, "Me?.." She said confused. "Yes, Can you try to calm Him down?" He almost sounded Desperate.

Amalia Nodded, Walking behind Adamaï and putting her hand on the doorknob.

Adamaï Nodded, Walking out of the House, Flying off.

Amalia turned the Doorknob, Walking into the Room and closing the door quietly.

_____________________

Outside of his room, The group has still worried about Yugo.

"So what's wrong with Him?" Rubilax asked

"That's what I'm Asking myself, Rubi." Dally replied to Him.

*"He's Mentality and Physically Exhausted, It's Making him Overwhelm Himself, He thinks Oropo will come back for Us. And he thinks he needs to protect Us, I know He's a King but... This is Too much for him." Eva explained

"Ohh!" Elely and Flopin said in Sync.

"That's better than I could've explained it." Ruel shrugged.

________________________

As Amalia closed the door, She saw Yugo. He looked horrible; He had developed bags from Lack of sleep, He was extremely Skinny. Adamaï did say he wouldn't eat..

Amalia walked over to His bed, She made Slow movements Not wanting to spook the boy.

When yugo saw her, He looked desperate to see her. Her slow movements somehow made him let his guard down the Slightest bit.

Amalia sat on his bed, Moving her hand to his. Grabbing it gently.

Yugo looked up at her, Shaking as tears dripped down his face. His Hood-ears twitched.

"Yugo.." she spoke softly, "What's Scarring you..?" She confused to speak softly. Almost a whisper.

Yugo shook his head "E...e-everything Ami.." his voice was a gust in the wind.

Amalia opened her Arms, Knowing what he needed.

Yugo almost flew into her Arms, Shaking and Sobbing as he put his head into her neck.

Amalia hugged him tightly as she slowly rocked them both, Yugos Wings wrapped around Ami as he was I'm desperate need Of comfort.. And Amalia would so her best to help him.

END OF PART 1

This AU Tajes place after Season 3, Yugo is Extremely Traumatized and has some traits from Adamaï; Wings, Horns, Tail ect-

Instincts are heightened, Making it easier to find people--

Okay so in my AUs Yugo has always had the traits from his brother, Like let's say he was somewhat taller than in cannon like.. hes 5"3.. Yugo figured out he had a dragon tail in the end of S3. The Brotherhood knew about it, But yugo knew he had actually wings in his back. But he didnt want to reveal them yet. The only one who knows is Adamai, And he hasn't showed his Wings on his head. He's showed Adamaï but He just teases him about them, By teases I mean he takes off his hat when there alone. Yugo just loves his brother...

And yugos always had an instinct where he can sense Anyone behind him because his tail would be able to sense the vibrations. His tail isn't too long but it's long enough to where it touched The ground.

[charmixpower]

About the comics:

I'll be redoing the early comics as well because I didn't pay all that much attention to them the first time and I have a new style

The Comics are weird about being in character

Tecna is the most ooc of the Winx in the comics, followed by Stella as a close second, and Musa third

Tecna is made more like the rest of the Winx and is like the second most boy crazy, and the quickest to anger and annoyance

Stella is straight up fucking mean a surprising amount of times but it's always really funny

Musa has her snark filed off, and her insecure energy at Stella for being the opposite of her is completely absent

Flora and Aisha are the most in character, from what I've seen, and Bloom the second most

Flora and Aisha just act like their show counterparts

Bloom acts like what I've heard her 4kids counterpart is like with s5 Bloom levels of insecurity and unhinged behavior about her relationship with Sky

Sky is like a much worse version of his 4kids self and I hate him

Brandon is still Brandon

Riven has skipped his s1 era and has gone straight into s2. Which gives me good food of what s3 Riven should have been like, but is very ooc for s1

Helia has enough screen time to have a personality

Timmy is a more useless version of himself. I don't know how the comics managed that. He's completely worthless in like most situations, it drives me insane

The Trix have more screen time outside of being pure evil to show off their personalities

There is WAY more hetero bullshit in the comics

Tecna's attitude towards Timmy is the most straight "your not a real man" fucking nonsense and it's the only reason I don't hate Timmy. I'm too busy being offended on his behalf

Rivusa is.... amazing. It's so funny. Musa will shoot her shot at any opportunity she gets and Riven always sits there like 😐 while he internally has a huge fucking crush on her it's amazing. Neither of these idiots can communicate to save their lives

Flora gives Musa the WORST FUCKING ADVICE

Brella is normal but fights a little more often than s1-3 for drama

Florelia is SO fucking cute in the comics. They are on another fuckin vibe

Comics Skloom deserve each other (it's so awful and weird on both sides)

Driven is barely touched upon, I don't think it even exists really in the comics. They just skipped it, which is funny but disappointing

Icy/Darko is the most toxic relationship I've ever seen and they're kinda perfect for each other

The girlies feel a lot more like normal friends. Like seriously it feels a lot less rushed and after they become friends they are so silly!! They fuck with each other constantly

There is a very obvious real life thing that comes to mind the first time you see someone in the comics pour a love potion into an unsuspecting person's drink, but the comics are very clearly unaware of the implication and love potions are treated more like a dick move of a prank than how terrifying they'd be in real life. So I'm going to keep my thoughts about these actions strictly within the confines of the comic's logic. But yes, I am aware and do address my thoughts without intentionally not making the comparison, it's really fucking weird that not a single person of in the writers room didn't see the glaringly obvious analogy and they just keep using it as a plot line for some unholy reason

[chainofclovers]

Ted Lasso 3x3

Good lord. This episode was like being on the Scrambler at the fair. You know the one, you sit in the little seat at the end of a big arm like a spoke of a wheel, and the central machine spins steadily, but because of the position of the arms, and I don’t know, physics, you kind of get flung from point A to B, then B to C, then C to A again, but it’s a slightly different A than before, a slightly different spot, and it goes fast and your surroundings are blurry but then there are little moments when you land at each point where the movement pauses and you can see clearly, just in time to propel someplace new again. 

The Scrambler was always my favorite ride. I’m too chickenshit for huge rollercoasters, I get irrationally angry (terrified) if upside down, I don’t want to be splashed with water, etc., but also I’m not a baby. I liked being disoriented. And I think I really liked this episode. 3x1 and 3x2 were both awesome and I was cruising along feeling very aware of what show I was watching, and tonight I was absolutely watching the same show but the fucking great needle drops and the whole weird energy of the thing left me—to overdo the stupid metaphor—scrambled.

I can’t believe my last pre-s3 fic included Ted having bad feelings about Precious Moments figurines in a rental house and then it turns out actual Ted’s actual mom collects them!

(Weird bullet to start with? Well, I feel weird!)

The boys (adult men who coach AFC Richmond) just want Julie Andrews to boss them around and punish them. I get it. 😌

Ola’s! I’m so excited for Sam and I love the vibe of his restaurant and I love that he’s getting to do this communal, home-oriented endeavor that connects him to so many things about both Nigeria and the UK right as his football club is becoming a cult of personality. 

Everything with Tish was so unsettling. I love that Rebecca was trying desperately to play the whole thing for laughs, but then it was genuinely chilling. I have so many (strong) feelings about Rebecca and motherhood, and I’ve felt this whole time like it was incredibly important to her character’s journey that she is never going to be a mother, exactly, even though I’m just a human girl and I would love to see her stepmommin’. But tbh I am HERE for seeing what happens precisely because she was angry about the premonition, she didn’t bite back her feelings, she called the vision cruel. I’m going to need to rewatch and listen to every word that Tish says but I am! Losing! It! 

Zava is great as a device and I’m loving that Jamie isn’t having tantrums but is instead using his words (to great effect!). He’s standoffish but he isn’t being a total prick. And I’m very :eyesemoji: about these early morning trainings with Roy, and, you know, what purpose Roy is going to find there beyond helping to mold Jamie. I really like that most everyone else is very much not immune to Zava, and I like that there’s a logic to that—they’re winning, they’re thriving, they’re a surprise success story. 

I am obsessed with Ted’s obsession with Dr. Jacob and how he’s continuing to call him Dr. Jacob. I completely get why it’s so upsetting and bewildering. I would be a basket case. Also I think there’s something incredibly perfect about the terrible foot they start off on (restart, anyway), with Dr. Jacob doing the stupid Trump impersonation and just really putting his foot in it. I guess there could have been worse ways to choose to answer the phone, but it’s difficult to think of one! And Dr. Jacob might not get much screentime, but we get so much—the cringiness of the realization it’s Ted on the line. The cozy homey Kansas kitchen. The busy lived-in domesticity, interrupted. And then he’s in this fugue state for weeks, obsessing, and there’s Sassy. I kinda love that he tells her up front about Michelle and their ex-therapist; they clearly haven’t seen each other in a long time, and that’s the first and only news he thinks to tell her!? Yikes. 

Shandy! Yes. (And Roy wanting to do the interview. HELP.)

I have every feeling in the world about Colin and his boyfriend. I absolutely love—I mean, I hate it for him, but I love it for this story—that he’s seemingly secure in his sexuality in terms of understanding who he is, and is closeted because of the world he lives in. Colin and his absurdly noticeable car and hiding in plain sight among the casual gay jokes of the world he lives in. My heart was in my throat over Trent seeing them. My hope is that we’re going to get confirmation that Trent is also queer, and that all this is going to have something to do with the book he’s writing (hopefully in a good way rather than a horrific way!), especially since the audience hasn’t heard Trent pitch his book project and we really don’t know much of anything about the kind of story he’s looking for. TIME WILL TELL, I GUESS. 

I’m sure there are a million other things, but to be entirely honest my entire brain is just the words “shite in nining armor” over and over and over again. Maybe my brain will come back online tomorrow, or maybe it won’t come back until May 31, or never! Goodnight!

[thekatebridgerton]

There will possibly be tension between El and Pen in S3, but what kind of tension do you think? I believe that there might be a bitterness on Els part; in S1&2 she admired WD until she wrote abt her family and she learned it was Pen, so of course there are hurt feeling there, but I wonder if it will go farther than that. WD was Els girlboss hero, but now that she knows its Pen and also sees Pen actively courting men/ Collin, do you think she will see this as a betrayal of her own writtings?

You know how as writers we never want to share our writing with someone who knows us in person because we're afraid they might be twice as judgemental about us as a person than an annoymous reader would be

I think that's exactly what happened to Eloise. She couldn't separate the LW the writer from her friend Penelope. The moment she learned who her beloved writer was she kinda broke for a bit.

Would Eloise have reacted the same way if she found out that LW was Edwina or one of the random s2 debutantes? No. She would have been much more objective about it, the thing that set off Eloise is that she knows personally knows Penelope and now she met the wizard of Oz behind the curtain and it turns out the wizard is just... Her best friend

And now Eloise is angry not only because Penelope didn't tell but because everything LW has said and done came from Penelope's psyche. And isn't that terrifying to find out that the a person you thought you knew could write columns so incredibly cruel, funny, rude, pesimistic, optimistic and deviously perfect. Because the kind of mind that created LW had to come from somewhere.

I think we will see the rift in the Penelope and Eloise relationship boil down to something very simple ' do they really know each other at all?' because Eloise thought she knew who Penelope was but she still didn't see so many signs that Penelope was up to something.

And Penelope thought she knew Eloise but she was just proven right about her belief that she can't be her true self with people or else they will reject her. Because Eloise did just that.

And both of them will be projecting those insecurities onto Colin. Eloise by planting doubts in Colin's head about if he really knows Penelope or just what she lets him see, and Penelope rejecting Colin's attempts to get to know her more deeply because she's afraid he will discover her secret life and ultimately hate her worse than Eloise does.

Add that to the fact that now Eloise knows exactly what kind of thought process goes behind every single column post s2. And that everything that used to feel empowering for her in LW now just sounds like Penelope mocking other people behind a fan. While she unwillingly keeping the secret . Now that's going to be fun to watch

And that's the tea

[saint-cecilias]

i love both characters, but overall kendall is still woobified way more than roman tbh, whereas roman is demonized. like there’s a reason why mainstream publications have written articles about the babygirlfication of kendall lol. this is especially a thing on reddit, people act like kendall is way above roman morally. like, both of them enabled mencken in ep8, but people are sympathetic to kendall’s reasons while completely disregarding roman’s. kieran and jesse have discussed how his motivations stem from being drawn to authority figures that fulfil a father role and obviously the business reasons like ATN views and mencken blocking the gojo deal. he probs also likes the hyper masculinity aspect of that ideology bc again, that’s what his dad thought men should be and it’s something he could never live up to. does it excuse his actions? not at all, but if people can understand kendall’s reasons idk why they have to reduce roman’s to he’s just a fascist? like idgi

i think there is merit to the conversation about the babygirlification of Kendall in fandom for sure. but i do i think that is a direct response to how Jeremy has always played Kendall as an incredibly emotionally sensitive individual.

Roman, historically, has not always been as emotionally raw as he's been recently. i think we started to see Roman become more vulnerable in s3 and into s4.

both Kieran and Jeremy are brilliant actors cause they've slowly shown us very human sides to both men that evoke a visceral response.

and of course, Kendall 100% also enabled Mencken as well and did so KNOWING how terrified his child was of that result. that is inexcusable. and arguably worse in some respects. Kendall has got real people in his life, Sophie and Jess, who cannot comfortably live in Mencken's America and he knows it and still made that call. so you'd never catch me rationalizing that decision from him.

the fact remains though....Roman DOES align with Mencken ideologically. there is no disputing that. there is no disputing the fact that Roman was comfortable making racist remarks about the protestors, snarking that they're "probably blacks and Jews".

hell Shiv was warning Logan and Roman about Mencken in s3 and Roman was completely dismissive of her political career, calling it a 'lemonade stand' and was horrifically misogynistic towards her in that moment too telling her to 'shhh' cause 'the men are talking'.

(insert the chorus of BUT KENDALL ONCE TOLD SHIV THAT HER TEETS ARE THE ONLY THING THAT GIVE HER ANY VALUE which yes was also horrifically misogynistic. both of these men have misogynistic tendencies that they direct towards their sister and its fucked up.)

also, Roman just doesn't VIBE with Mencken cause he's an authority figure or just cause he'll block the deal, Roman has said point blank that 'fascism is cool' and listened to Mencken talk about how he gleaned inspiration from H*tler, talked about how America needed to slow down with integration etc. and Roman was not the least bit phased by that. in fact he looked intrigued.

those are things that are just objectively BAD.

and Logan was alive and kicking (kinda) when Roman went to bat for Mencken as the candidate they should back for the Republican nomination. knowing all he knew about Mencken. there was no GoJo deal at that time.

Roman just really liked Mencken, his attitude AND what he stood for. oh and the fact that he'd be GREAT for ATN ratings.

i'm sorry but there's no getting away from that.

[notesofarichlycolorednight]

s1ep1 stormy weather

man the creator really should have never said he was heavily inspired by magical girl anime (read: sailor moon) bc now all i do is making comparisons as i rewatch

the pacing felt better until the very end, when the writers started to have to wrap things up. like the fact that either of them can just look at someone and go, "huh they look pretty similar, they must be the akumatized person" and "and the akuma must be in her umbrella" is ASTOUNDING

it's too contrived. it doesn't make sense! how did they logic that out in 0.2 seconds? bc the plot needed them too?

again it's a symptom of the creator taking elements he liked from sailor moon and not knowing what to do with them or how to incorporate them into something original. if he was going to have the concept of akuma that infect an object that's special to the victim, then he should have spent more time coming up with a way for ladybug and chat noir to figure out what the object is when they encounter an akuma.

in sailor moon they completely skipped past that problem by not having the evil eggs infect an object, just the person. and the creator/writers should have done something similar or, again, thought longer and harder about how ladybug and chat noir would logic that out.

another thing i thought about at the end is the fact that s1 and s3 are interchangeable.

the other issue i have with ml that i've stated before is the fact that the writers treat it like a serialized show when the structure is episodic and don't even attempt to strike a balance between the two, which has been done time and time again, so we know it's possible with competent writers.

specifically, i was thinking about power-ups bc again, you could pick out most episodes from s2 or even s3 and place them into s1 and someone who's never watched the show wouldn't bat an eye.

and what i mean by power-ups is that every new season of sailor moon, her heart crystal that powers her make-up pouch (i forgot what they call it laksdjf) gets damaged and she has to do a little soul-searching before getting a power-up/upgrade. not only does she get a new look, but the heart crystal evolves and gives her new powers to face their new enemy, and gets character growth with it.

and what facilitates this is often them facing a new, more powerful enemy! it's a really good set-up for a new season and a really good way to raise the stakes! what's more is that sailor moon is often worn out or can't use her powers to their full ability, which i feel like really grounds her character.

the problem with ml is it never does that. sure, they have magic food that helps them adapt to different environs when needed, but neither ladybug nor chat noir ever get a permanent costume change/upgrade. their powers never fail them at a critical moment, forcing them into a character growth arc. and likewise, hawkmoth never really becomes more powerful than he already is.

i know in later seasons, they try and pretend he's growing more powerful by revealing the peakcock miraculous, and at one point obtains all, or most of, the miraculous and wears them. but that's a false and forced raised stakes.

we already know ladybug is going to think of a way out of it. bc she always does. she's never faltered. there's never really a moment in the show where we feel like she's actually in danger of not beating the bad guy.

but in sailor moon? god i can still remember how i felt after that first season, watching sailor moon's crystal lose its power and shine, and her detransforming. it was terrifying!!

and we never get anything like that in all 3 (i say 3 even tho there are 5 bc i haven't watched any episodes from 4 or 5 and am giving it the benefit of the doubt even tho i shouldn't and honestly don't) seasons.

everything is stagnate. the writers treat the show like it's both serialized and episodic, but only write for it as if it's episodic. and it's a worse show for it.

[willthecleric]

Merth putting it perfectly.

These people just don’t have a healthy view of relationships. In the old days not so much because they were younger and ‘cute’. But that isn’t the case after S4 (even though they have the same issues as they always did). They think codependency is good and love to pretend they have no issues and blame everything on other characters. Will, Max, and Hopper are the ones they tend to blame most. Will because Mike is obviously in love with him and they hate it. And Max and Hopper for pointing out their issues and interfering.

Byler is something Milevens are very jealous of. Why they hate it so much. Some even openly admit to this. They became jealous after S2, but told themselves that Mike was projecting El onto Will and only cared for him because El was gone. All the Byler scenes were really Mileven and El knew Mike better than Will does. This was the era of Will being in unrequited love with Mike. Milevens loved this idea. They loved Will suffering while Mileven was in love. Yet when S3 came out and Mike had them both, he still acted in love with Will. So much for their projection theory. Will is the worst person ever at this point. Also he’s completely unable to feel attraction to anyone and definitely not Mike. Not even S4 confirming Will is in love with Mike and multiple people from the show stating it including the Duffers, Noah, and Finn could stop them. Will is confusing platonic love with romantic love. The creators and actors have no idea what they are talking about. And the painting is so irrelevant that it’s on a lot of merchandise and Milevens are terrified. There is only one way this can go and they know it. It’s not Mike rejecting Will.

They’ve stolen everything from Byler for years. I mean everything. I don’t think there is anything they’ve not taken from the ship. They want Mileven to be Byler so desperately. It’s the beautiful love story they have wanted for years and thought they were getting. It’s what most of the audience wants at this point. It’s way more popular than Mileven was at its height. It has everything they want and they’re very jealous and bitter.

Most of them know Byler is endgame they just can’t accept it. Milevens have said that Will needs to leave because then Mileven can be endgame,

And Finn filming with Noah constantly while he’s not been on set with Millie since February (filming a clearly platonic scene) has just made it worse.

Also they hate that Will is the person Mike loves most. Even if it was platonic (they know it’s not) they can’t stand it. He needs to love El the most. So Mike either lied or meant it in that knowing Will led him to El. Anything that they can tell themselves to make it so it’s not Will he loves the most. Even though it clearly is.

I don’t think milevens realize how much Will means to Mike.

[morganwrites12672]

Established (but secret) relationship between Robin and reader. This is at the begining of the summer (S3)

A/N; I love this fic, so much! And I cried while writing it. It does have a happy ending!

Robin Buckley x Harrington!Reader

'I won't go down in history, but I will go down on your sister'

It was scary being a lesbian in hawkins, Indiana 1983. It was scary as fuck. If you hit on the wrong girl, the town had a new freak.

You assumed you could handle being labeled, but Steve wouldn't be able to handle being the brother of the fruity fairy.

It was best to stay in the closet. The only person who knew guys weren't your fortay was your girlfriend; Robin Buckley.

"Do you plan on telling your brother?" Robin asks. You had both decided to go hide in the store room. You had agreed to get Steve a date with one of your friends, and he had agreed to man the store.

When you had taken Robin Steve had said something about 'boy talk'. Disgusting.

"I feel like he would be okay with it, but I don't know. I'm nervous,I mean he's like my best friend. We raised each other, but I don't know," you sigh and Robin nods.

"Yeah, I get it. I haven't told anyone. But you," Robin replies and you grab the pen. You had both bought matching red high tops at the beginning of summer. Now you had to mark them.

"Okay, I know what mine should say," Robin says with a laugh, "I think you may like it. "I won't go down in history, but I will go down on your sister,"" she says and you laugh.

"Are you trying to tell Steve we are fucking?" You ask and that only makes Robin laugh even more as she writes it.

"I'm going to write it to, but be honest. What are the chances you think Steve will see that and kill you?" You ask and Robin laughs before handing you the pen.

"100 percent," she laughs as you copy her shoes. Once you finish, you both stand up and look down.

"They match, it's cute. But subtle," she says. No one would know about the two of you. But you did debate telling Steve.

"Im going to tell Steve tonight," you blurt as you both head into work. Robin goes wide eyed before giving you a supportive smile. She mouths 'you got this' before going back to slinging ice cream.

💋

It was another lonely night; just you and Steve. You both had made sandwiches, after a long day at the mall neither one of you had the energy to cook. And you desperately needed to make a grocery run.

"We've ate worse," Steve says as he takes a bite if his peanut butter sandwhich. "like the time I left you in the kitchen unsupervised," Steve was the cook, definitely not you.

Steve had noticed you had been even weirder than normal today. He didn't know why, he assumed girl problems and decided not to pry. You were both pretty open, not really keeping secrets.

You were terrified. What if Steve diddnt accept you? What would you do? If he told your parents, well you would be quite literally dead. And that was if you got lucky.

"Okay, I can't do this. Something is wrong, you've been acting really weird all day," Steve says and you freak the fuck out. It was Steve, of course he knew.

"Look, if you're pregnant, we'll get throufh-" you cut off that bullshit. There was no way in frozen hell that you had gotten pregnant.

"-I'm not pregnant," you say and he looks even more confused. He had no clue why you would be acting different if not.

"Yn, you can tell me," he says softly. You take a deep breath and tears prick your eyes. You go to walk away and Steve follows you.

"You won't love me anymore," you insist and Steve looks bewildered. Why would you think that? Steve was more worried now.

"Yn, there is nothing on this planet you could do that would ever make me not love you," Steve assures and pulls you in for a hug.

You let out a quick sob, you couldn't cry. Why was this so hard? You had assumed once you got over the nerves it would be easy. It wasnt.

"I dont like- I don't like guys Steve," you say and pull away to look at him. He looks more confused then anything.

"If you don't like gu- oh," Steve cuts himself off mid sentence. He realized; you like girls. He didn't care, and would love you either way.

"So, who?" He asks and you let out a choked up laugh. You snifle as he pulls you in for another (awkward) hug. Steve didn't want to fuck this up.

"Well there's this girl," you say with a smile. Steve sees the light you get in your eyes when you begin to speak, "Her smile , it's like heaven. Um, she's really pretty, and she's also my girlfriend," you finish and Steve nods.

"You can't leave me clueless," Steve teases and you decide to tell him. He would find out eventually.

"Robin, Robin Buckley, the band nerd. I love her Steve," you say and look at him. He looks shocked.

"So, Robin likes girls?" You nod, "And you like girls?" You nod yes to both of Steve's questions, "And I like girls," you laugh and nod. Where was he going. He gets a smug smirk on his face, "In simpler terms; we all three love boobies." You groan. That just makes stevd laugh.

"Yes Steve, we love boobies," you laugh to. It was to funny not to. You were being serious, telling him something the could change everything, and he made a boobie joke.

You both spend the rest of the night talking girls. And Steve talks shit about your taste, other then Robin.

💋

I hope you guys liked it! This took forever!

Requests are open! Check my pinned post for who I write for!

[un-pearable]

not fully decided but i’m losing my mind i need this “yoink everyone from the most awkward/painful possible times” story so bad so rough ideas:

kai - the only one actually from the current point in the show, has to both step up and readjust to handling all of his teammates and their individual AND interpersonal crises. kai focus story

zane - “youngest”, pre-robot reveal zane who is nowhere near the reliable figure they know now. still figuring out who he is and is both very thrown by all the social cues and in jokes he’s suddenly not getting again bc everyone thinks he’s just. you know. zane. and instinctly treat him they way they do their zane, which is both surprisingly helpful (bc the early ninja are accidentally very mean and over time they got better at. not being that) and very confusing bc he still doesn’t really Get It. and everyone else is freaking out trying to decide whether or not to break it to him. this only gets worse the longer it goes on.

lloyd - mid s9 when the core four + wu are stuck and he thinks everyone is dead arc, conflict bc he’s been trying to step up as the leader and also overcompensating for how genuinely terrified he is at the thought that he actually lost them all

nya - mayyyyyybe mid hands of time? extremely excited at the idea of having reunited w their parents and frustrated, angry to find out that they didn’t actually stay connected and blames kai for a bit bc he both hid that they found them from her and for them having a bad relationship

cole - pre dotd? skybound for some fucky shenanigans about who does and doesn’t remember certain things? mb when jay’s captured. idk smthn about him feeling left behind by his friends while he’s a ghost bc everyone else has filled his role as leader, three way conflict of kai (actually knows what’s going on but has so little experience) lloyd (is used to a world where he HAD to be the ones calling the shots) and cole (insecure bc he feels his friends no longer need him and thus WILDLY overcompensating bc he thinks it’s for the good of the team) cole and zane connect over the feeling of disconnect but everyone is so fucked up over whether to just tell zane or not it’s a mess

jay - easy way out is directly from THE most angsty possible everyone-is-dead part of skybound. which would be self explanatory, but i’m very keen on balancing it out a little and pulling him from either s3 or s4, or for max ouch right in the middle when they think zane’s dead (real fun right there for techno), bc then we get the exquisite potential of hands-of-time nya remembering skybound and jay doesn’t, and cole living through skybound and jay has no idea why the two of them are acting so weird, and nya and cole are confident in their friendships but jay feels like he’s ruined everything with BOTH of his best friends on top of losing zane and now he’s faced with versions of all three. funsies >:]

pixal - too good for this shit leave her alone. i think pixal and kai deserve to have a bit of a team up. extremely awkward situation regarding The Zane Problem, they’re probably fighting about it but bc literally everyone has an opinion on it and early zane has two hobbies of a) chilling with his friends doing this :) and b) wandering aimlessly (dangerous given he is Incredibly Recognizably Not The Titanium Ninja) so he keeps walking in on everyone’s tense conversations bc he is now the baby of the group :]

[zmediaoutlet]

happy wincest wednesday, Z! i know you have a special fondness for s9... as someone who has zero memory of that season and is only up to mid-s3 on a slow rewatch, i need some incentives to make it that far. what, particularly, do you like about that season and why do wincesties need to appreciate it more?

do you see it as being more ripe for a first time or established relationship?

it's wincest thursday because sometimes you're in a bummer mood all day on wincest wednesday but you save up the wincest to make the next day better. yes? yes.

I do have a special fondness for s9! It's terrible and wonderful, haha. I remember a lot of people getting bigmad shitfit pissy about it at the time -- o the factions that erupted! o the people who abruptly revealed somewhat scary levels of polarization! (o the terrifying weird accusations of abuse apologism, and worse!) -- but at the time I was pure Switzerland, and I think that's the best way to be. I really liked Carver's understanding of The Marriage -- I mean, he literally ended the previous season in a church! -- and I was like, okay, this is painful for now but where will it go? Sam and Dean obviously weren't going to 'break up' in any kind of permanent way, because every showrunner has understood that the show is at its best when they're together. So, how will they get back together? What will it take for them to get there?

When you're on team "the actual plot of Supernatural is the relationship between Sam and Dean," everything just gets better, I think. Who cares if there's, whatever, angel wars or something happening in the background? The part that matters is the space between two brothers. s1-5, to me, is the story of how they actually get to know each other, how they learn to trust each other, how they grow up. (They're SO YOUNG in s1! It's appalling,) In s6 and s7 it's like, wow, okay, so we're actually choosing to stay together. Sure, there's a world-ending plot again -- when isn't there! -- but we're actually deciding that we want to do this more than we want to have normal lives. That's wild.

The Carver seasons, then, are all about the marriage. s8 is, "wow, we cheated on each other. ...We don't actually want to do that, do we? We want to actually devote ourselves to each other. Weird!" So they make a promise, in a church. (!!!) And then, because this is Supernatural and you can't get a single goddamn day off, IMMEDIATELY on the heels of Dean promising that he'd do anything for Sam, Sam's life is put in danger. So s9 becomes about, okay, you made a promise. So, immediately the question becomes: what will you do to keep it?

I know it's not 'nice' but I really don't get how so many fans are, like, mad about it. So much great storytelling happens when a character says "I have this line and I cannot cross it" and then they're put in a situation where the best possible option is to cross that line. That shit is the best. Dean wants and needs Sam to live for both their sakes (any reduction of that moment to 'selfishness' is rank stupidity and I won't countenance it); he won't put anything before Sam; so, what will he do? What will it do to him, to have done that thing? What will Sam say when he finally realizes? What will Sam do when he realizes he'd do the exact goddamn thing?

It's even better in context:

s8: are we married? it turns out that, shit, yes we are. s9: okay, prove it. <-- we are here s10: okay, prove it again. s11: wow, well. We really are just like this, aren't we. Let's decide to be okay with that.

I just love that kind of writing.

PLUS OH MY GOD ALL THOSE RAD MOMENTS WHERE DEAN WANTED TO TELL SAM AND GADREEL WAS HOLDING SAM HOSTAGE OVER THE EDGE OF A CLIFF AAAAA basically I just like a good dose of Dean torture, what can I say.

Oh -- and on that, I like it best with established relationship but I like everything better with established relationship. But in the same way that I love proving things -- I don't think their relationship means nearly as much until they get through all this stuff to s11. Love declarations in s1 are like... k. Talk to me when you've been through literal hell.