#both are ~30 years old both like beating children

[unhonestlymirror]

Bitches be like: 1st place Pathetic Man award

[usernamesuggestionsarefunny]

My avatar tla hot take ACTUALLY UNPOPULAR and not just minority opinion is that Azula is a terrible addition to the series. On her own? Oh, her character was great, complex, etc. She is a queen, a great diva, wonderful villain, interesting, deserved a great redemption too (She is 14! A baby!) etc. She just would have suited a magic girl show, a horror movie (in the typical scary, powerful little girl fashion), or a darker, more mature show with more characters like her, meaning child prodigies, better.

Combined with the rest of the atlab story? Kinda makes me laugh. She is such a ridiculous addition that makes it obvious this is a kids’ show. When I first watched the show, Zuko's father and the fact he had branded him was such a serious “oh shit” moment. Like, that is a father whose expectations are truly ridiculously high. It was scary. I mean who could meet them?

Zuko, whether a villain or an anti-hero, was a special, unique character the first few episodes because he was intimately acquainted with the scary main villain in a way no one was.

Then comes Azula. Come at me to debunk me (I may not even try to argue because this is such a weird opinion in the fandom, for real I haven't heard it) but she feels like a writer self-insert. Not a little kid’s writer self-insert, mind you, she feels like a well-written, dark, and complex self-insert or oc written by a talented fic writer in her 30s with years of experience that may become an original writer someday, but an oc nonetheless.

Azula feels like “oh, Zuko could never live up to his evil father’s ideals? Oh here comes my oc Azula, despite being 2 years younger she is soo much better at firebending and does everything better, even being evil, she is the main villain’s golden child and sidekick! And the sister of the main antagonist who interacts with him constantly!” (oh isn't that so cool?) “oh shit wait she needs flaws otherwise she is a villain Sue, let's see.… perfectionism! Perfect flaw! and at the very end after needing a 2 against 1 setting to be defeated she has a mental breakdown, perfect!”

“But gifted children and prodigies exist!!” you may say. Yesss I knowww. She is both too dark of a concept and too corny for atla. I see the flaws and contradictions in the ~vibes~ Azula gives me, thank you anyway. But regardless of rationally being aware of this, the reveal that this powerful character that comes to replace Zuko in causing the gaang trouble (Because let's face it, the beginning of Zuko's redemption arc and needing an even bigger bad to replace him and shock the viewers by how much more dangerous/powerful they are is the whole reason for Azula’s existence) is his 14-year-old LITTLE sister is so… dorky and laughable for me personally. And not only because of her gender in case you come to attack me from that angle. Zuko's prodigy little brother would perhaps have been an even worse and more ridiculous big bad replacement (Girls being shorter is understandable, but with a little brother we would visually see how much Zuko would be able to beat him if this weren't a kids’ show with magic, it would be even harder to suspend my disbelief to). Like, I am sure the reasons I hate the concept are the very same reasons some others love it, but you are telling me that the one capable of fulfilling the evil child burner father's expectations is… simply some rando younger child? It is not that Ozai was a freak who wanted the impossible, it is just that Zuko wasn't it. It is corny, it is dumb. It is so obviously meant for kids. Thanks, I hate it.

Azula also combines in a very weird and bizarre way with Zuko's tragic origin story (Also it is just another source of angst that is completely unnecessary, that distracts from what his father did to him and never living up to his expectations or being too compassionate for his own good, now there is a little sibling in the way being better than him at everything). Call me crazy, but Zuko as an only child, or at least a child without crazy op YOUNGER siblings would have had a MUCH more interesting relationship with his father. Perhaps an even ANGSTIER and more complex relationship where his approval is just within reach but also not quite there. Where it seems conceivable and yet out of reach. Where Ozai is the type of abuser who gives him praise when he does something right just to tear him down mercilessly when he doesn't.

What Zuko has in canon with Ozai and Azula is also interesting, painful, and angsty, but it is “never be able to be this other random younger child who happens to be a prodigy so what is even the point of trying when dad always reminds me of how meh I am compared to her” instead of “never be able to be like my father who is putting all his hopes and that of his empire on me, who at times seems to care so much”. That last one is much more compelling for me personally for a character that ends up being the opposite of his father and learns being like him is not a good thing, it also gives Zuko a good, believable reason to keep trying to please his father: there is actually a chance, there is no one there who has already won the race. Oh my, his search for the Avatar would have made so much more sense without Azula why does Azuka exist in this universe whyy 😭

Don't get me wrong, the sibling rivalry and abusers putting children against each other, having a golden child and a scapegoat, is realistic in many families, but from a storytelling perspective I find it VERY whatever, MEH. Like, the moment Ozai burns Zuko would have been a much greater instance of utter betrayal and shock if Ozai actually acted at times like he had some hope in his son instead of being constantly comparing him to his sister. Now everytime I am made aware of what Ozai did to Zuko I am like “duh” what were you expecting, Zuko, baby? It is still evil as fuck, but no longer shocking or a wtf moment, it is just the boring, edgy and predictable culmination of Ozai already having a “better” child he prefers to succeed him, a total overkill, and in fact, knowing Ozai, he should have done so earlier or straight up had Zuko killed, it makes no sense he is still alive when Azula is a much better successor from his perspective. It means nothing and Zuko should of fing course be traumatized and emotionally and physically distraught by the damage done to him by his own father, but he should not longer logically be that shocked or struck dumb. From a fictional, storytelling perspective, for me personally, the moment loses a tiny bit of its power, at least from the betrayal-someone-who-should-care-for-you—hurting-you—instead aspect.

If I had been there to write the ~big worse bad before Ozai~ meant to replace Zuko as he begins his journey of redemption, I would have chosen something much more serious (I get “abused child soldier” is serious, duh, I just mean serious in a way that makes me fear for the gaang being faced not with a peer but with someone bigger and much more experienced, and not just distract myself with how horrible it is that a “father” makes a 14-year-old girl into a soldier for an invading army). I would have chosen an equally or even more powerful, ADULT, right-hand man (or woman) of Ozai. If it really had to be a sibling of Zuko, it would have been a brother or sister 5 years OLDER, and that is AT THE VERY LEAST, perhaps the son or daughter of a minor wife or concubine (To fix the issue of why they are not the heir and why Zuko could be jealous of their much better skills while at the same time still having a good reason to keep trying to earn their father's approval, which is that there is still time to learn and improve as the younger party, this could have also made Ursa more sympathetic since the “evil” sibling is no longer a child of hers that she emotionally neglected). This could also give the character depth in the sense that they hate the fact they have no claim to the throne despite being older and “better”. They could still care for Zuko while having a love hate relationship with them, a sibling rivalry, Ozai turning them against each other, same as Azula, without taking away from Zuko's interesting relationship with Ozai (I just want his urge to overpower his better sibling to come from a place of his father actually expecting him to do it and be mad he doesn't instead of just Ozai putting all his hopes on the other sibling and Zuko for some plot related reasons still wanting his father's impossible approval despite never being able to earn it because Azula is there, better at a younger age, is that too much to ask? Like at this point Zuko should be smart enough to see that firebending skills are inborn and related to ~fantasy-version-of-genetics~, he should logically have seen it is not his fault and stopped trying to be Ozai or Azula MUCH earlier).

So in summary, believe it or not, I like Azula. I like the whole child prodigy golden child psychologically groomed and abused by evil father angle and I would love a redemption arc for her. I just don't like her AS an atla character. I feel like she does a disservice to Zuko by even existing due to how complex and interesting yet overpowered she is, actually. She ruins his motivations imo. Ironically enough, Zuko does not do a disservice to her, he makes her more interesting because he is a warning of what could happen to her if she is not perfect, he makes her vulnerable. But here is the deal, this would work better if she was the protagonist.

Edit: I just realized it is not just Azula who does a disservice to Zuko's story, it is the whole “Ozai straight up hated the little fucker since birth and tried to kill him before as a child therefore what he did to him was not a consequence of Zuko being compassionate as fuck, Ozai might as well have been looking for an excuse”. It just cheapens it immensely.

Zuko caring for those soldiers still counts just as much (of fucking course), but it would have been more poignant story-wise for his suffering to have also be a direct consequence of his first signs of goodness + his father being an abuser pshyco and not just the latter + Ozai always hated him because Zuko is the good guy and his father’s empire is evil so we need a way to make the children see Zuko is good and not like the rest from the beginning in a painfully simple way by making Ozai inherently hate him or smt because abusers “loving” their children in fucked up ways is too complicated

[new-tella-us]

Why do all my complex thoughts come in the middle of the night?

Oh well, 2am brainrot time! Miscellaneous facts edition!

When it comes to the question of who is the strongest of the boys, it depends on what you're referring to as strength, but generally there are three answers. James, Sam and Matthew.

If we're talking physical strength, Sam is the strongest. Going in the order of Sam, James, Erik, Damien, Matthew. Sam takes the lead by a wide margin as even with James's rigorous training, he can't really beat Sam's dragonborn origins.

If we're talking magical prowess, Matthew is the strongest. In an almost total flip of the order, it's: Matthew, James, Damien, Erik, Sam. Being the son of a pure-blooded succubus and a pure-blooded brute made Matthew, by default, very magically strong especially since he leaned far more into his succubus side.

If we're talking about overall well-rounded strength, James is the strongest. If you noticed, in both physical and magical strength, James was second meanwhile the strongest of one category is the weakest of the other with Erik and Damien being generally in the middle.

Also random facts about each boy! Mainly pertaining to the events of "Istorae Regnum" or as the rebellion is actually called "Regnum Aureum" or Golden Kingdom.

James does have some scars in general though the only one he would consider really noticeable is the scar on his arm that came from a stab wound while defending his brothers during the rebellion. You never see the scar as James is always wearing some long sleeve item. (Well... I mean you, the player, never see it but Mika probably has if you go down James's route)

Both Erik and Matthew's lives because training regiment hell for the next 30 (6 in human) years after the rebellion was said and done, though it was for opposite reasons. Erik was deemed too weak to be second in line and had to step up his game meanwhile Matthew was forced out of his runt phase in the rebellion so the Demon Lord took interest in his sudden and dramatic magical improvement.

The scar on Sam's face, the horizontal slash around his cheek was from an attack during the rebellion. It doesn't really bother Sam, in his eyes, he was barely an incubus anyway so what's one more "unattractive" trait? Plus it's not his only scar and I'm not just talking about the one on his lip. He has a few scars, the ones on his face are just the most visible.

Surprisingly, Damien was relatively unharmed during the siege. The rebellion didn't target him like they did Erik, Sam and Matthew as he was not considered royalty by any stretch of the imagination. Plus he was the demon equivalent of a 14 year old (about 67 in demon years) and most demons have some issue with killing kids, especially younger ones so while the three noble brothers were the exception, they didn't want to kill any children unnecessarily. The only time he was attacked was when he defended Erik and Kalipo after Erik got his eye burnt.

[deke-rivers-1957]

Walter Gulick's Rank

Disclaimer: For my tier list I’m basing this off of a one on one fight with no weapons and no outside interference. If a character has to rely on a weapon they’re ranked lower. If a character has to fight more than one person at a time, I’d look at it on a case by case basis. Age, size and general background are factors that will be taken into consideration. Since a lot of those details are going to be up to interpretation as these are characters and not real people, feel free to share your own thoughts.

Kid Galahad takes place in the early 1960s. The cars on the road that pass Walter's Model T look modern. Like the filmmakers had Elvis drive that in real traffic. We can also assume that given how dusty the Model T and that 1921 boxing poster looked, it's been a couple decades since it was so much as looked at. We only know that before being a boxer, Walter was in the Army who had boxing "experience" but really specialized as a mechanic in Okinawa. Both of those occupations are ones where it would definitely be easier the more in shape you are.

Walter is one of the only Elvis characters that we have any idea on when they were born. We know that his parents died when he was 14 months old and that he was baptized in Cream Valley on August 14th, 1939. Since we know he was sent to live with his family in Kentucky he had to have been baptized while his parents were still alive. Given that most Catholics baptize their children at a super young age we can assume Walter was born in either 1938 or 1939. That would make Walter interestingly younger than Elvis as he'd be between 22-23 years old.

In his first fight, Walter is going up against a professional. Joey is meant to be the best boxer in Willy's camp. Even in a practice match, Joey takes it seriously. Walter however, has no concept of blocking or proper technique. He does however, manage to withstand numerous blows to the face without even falling over. Even with boxing gloves, a blow to the head can knock you out. Being able to handle all of those blows without missing a beat, and managing to knock an opponent out with one punch is impressive. Joey himself admits that he's never had anyone hit him as hard as Walter did.

There was an offscreen confrontation that ended with Walter knocking one of Otto's lackeys out. Given that he was found with a gun on him, Walter does get additional points for managing to beat an opponent who possessed a weapon.

In his first professional fight, we see the first and only time Walter falls over. It seemed to be because of the angle and force of a particular blow. To most people that would've knocked them out. For Walter, he got back up and waved it off as "losing his balance." Once he managed to get a blow in, it was all over. Walter wins his first official match.

We then get a montage of numerous fights. Assuming Walter can only get better as he trains, he manages to win each one. It's only worth to mention because these are all professional fights that Walter has won. A larger sample size only helps a character's case if they manage to win all of them.

This is the fight that takes the off screen confrontation and shows you how it would've gone down if Otto's lackey did pull out his gun. Walter knocked out the first one in one punch. The second one had a gun and we see Walter disarm him then knock him out. This is all in the span of not even 30 seconds. The raw power of hitting someone with his bare fist is enough to knock them out. The offensive ability in this scene is simply unlike anything we've seen in an Elvis movie.

This final fight is the most important fight. It shows how much Walter has improved in a matter of months. After all he wins a bunch of fights before it's even the 4th of July. Labor Day is only 2 months after that so Walter only had two months or so to officially train for this. The match went into its 4th round, by far the longest fight shown in the movie. Each round lasts 3 minutes long non-stop. While Walter still takes more blows to the face than he really should, his blocking ability has improved. His reactions have gotten quicker as well. At some point during the 4th round, Walter knocks out Sugar Boy, winning the match. He would retire from boxing, remaining undefeated.

I have never felt more conflicted about how to judge someone's fighting ability until now. Based on wins, Walter's undefeated and that carries a lot of weight. The one thing I seriously question is how realistic it is for him to never get knocked out despite numerous blows to the head. Yes that's the point of boxing, but the average boxer also blocks a lot more than Walter does. Is something like even possible in real life? I feel like if it is it'd be extremely rare and I suppose would be an advantage so long as Walter isn't doing this for multiple years.

Despite his questionable technique, Walter fought against legitimate opponents and won every single fight. And that's what this whole series is about: finding the best fighter. Therefore I put Walter in S tier. He's definitely in the top 5, I can at least say that. I just think it's still too early to crown him as the best fighter since we're barely a third of the way through the list of Elvis characters.

AN: Thanks so much to @arrolyn1114 for providing your analysis on these fights scenes. Also shout out to @thedaisymaisy, @moonchild-daniella, @xanatenshi, and @karel-in-wonderland for watching this movie with me. In some cases multiple times lol.

[beardedmrbean]

A Pittsburgh woman is facing charges in the death of her granddaughter found on Pittsburgh’s North Side.

Pittsburgh police said emergency crews were called to the 200 block of East Ohio Street in Allegheny Center at 11:30 a.m. on Sunday for an unconscious, not breathing and obviously deceased female.

According to the criminal complaint, a toddler was found to be cold to the touch, had an injury to the right side of the neck and her hip, significant bruising to both sides of the face, a scratch or scar in the area of the sternum, bruising on her arm, and blood on the bed she was lying in. The injuries to her face appeared to be dark bruising near the right eye with some sort of impact point in the center of the bruise. She also had an infected wound and a mark consistent with a cigarette burn on her ankle.

The toddler’s mother said her child had been in the custody of her grandmother, Denise Johnson, for a month and a half at the time of her death, the complaint said.

According to court documents, police spoke with someone who had a nine-minute conversation with Johnson a few hours after the toddler was found dead. Johnson immediately said she was sorry and that two days prior, she had punched the toddler in the face which caused her to fall backwards and hit her head off a coffee table. She then put the toddler in the bed for the next few days until she died.

Johnson further told police that she was sorry and admitted in a lengthy text that she “beat her butt for not listening,” the complaint said.

Another witness told police that they saw Johnson beat the toddler with a large wood stick alongside several other implements like a belt. They said the toddler could not move anymore because of the beating and they saw blood on her head and nose.

Police recovered evidence consistent with the statements from the witness regarding the beating, the complaint said.

Johnson, 56, is facing charges connected to the death, including criminal homicide, aggravated assault, endangering the welfare of children and abuse of a corpse.

Johnson was arrested and is being held in the Allegheny County Jail.

[limetameta]

The worst thing to come from rewatching hellsing ultimate is that now YET AGAIN I am thinking of my cringe Canon divergence fic I made up as a wee child where Quincey Harker's grandson and Integra Hellsing are matched by the Queen of England (no Alucard, much to your detriment your 1940s sweetheart won't let you change her mind - no changing your form into girlycard won't help)

But you see he's American^TM. Because Mina and Johnathan took one look at Abraham biding Alucard to the Hellsing family AND keeping him in England and said: We will run! We are leaving, good sirs!

Abraham: But you have nothing to worry about! He is bound! A servant! He is nothing!

Mina and Johnathan, absolutely traumatized, holding their baby boy Quincey: WE ARE LEAVING!

So they move to America. And stay there. But something is a little up with Quincey, though. He's just a tad stronger than you'd expect. A really killer athlete that can outrun most folks in his school.

Because the whole thing with Mina not turning into a vampire is that Dracula got killed. By not killing Dracula let's still say: OK Mina is in the clear! She didn't turn into a vampire. She was cured! (I feel like my man Johnathan would never let Abraham experiment on Mina to see HOW she did not turn, because Johnathan is a good man and Van Helsing is a wacky old mad scientist)

So let's assume for the sake of this au that Mina is human enough to pass, but that progressively it gets... harder to hide the vampirism. Not in its most natural state. But the Harker family is a bit odd.

Cut to Quinceys grandson - I don't know called Jeffrey or something. And he is a professional American hunter on all things occult. Looks human. Can go in the sunlight. Blunt teeth. Eats food. Except he doesn't necessarily hunt like a human.

But that's not important yet. Alucard will sniff that out and come to Integra to debrief.

The entire premise of this would be that it follows the hellsing ultimate beat. So it'd have 10 chapters. The biggest divergence would be that McAmerican Man over there is at the right place at the right time and stops the Cat Boi from doing the thing, and so Alucard doesn't disappear for 30 years.

I remember reading fics where Integra is told she must marry and in those fics she always takes it in stride. She is always like yes of course I will do my Hellsing duty. I am an old woman of 22 and so of course I must make haste and pop out at least 5 children. All male.

So my big idea was that in this fic both Alucard and Integra would be SO in on it and they would collaborate and work together to drive this McAmerican Man away - without of course him knowing they are doing this on purpose.

But the bit continues- McAmerican Man succeeds in surviving all of their trials and tribulations - PLUS he is endearing. There is something about that Johnathan Harker rizz that gets passed down. Integra is actually beginning to respect this man. Fuck. In Integra speak this is as close to her finding him adequate as you will get.

But their ticket out of this conundrum is Alucards revelation that McAmerican Man is a vampire or something alike.

But then you get eugenics from the round table that's like: combining the blood of a Hellsing, the family that Alucard is bound to serve - with the Harker blood that is giving its family abilities to withstand grievous harm and has them endure many hardships to be found in the vampire hunting business seems like a brilliant mix. Think of what your children will be?

Alucard: Doesn't this sound like eugenics? I thought Britain was above such things? *grinning like a lunatic. Having caught the round table red handed*

Integra: *can't see her glare from the cigar smoke* yes... it does...

But anyway. Pretending anyone from the Hellsing verse is not mad is like pretending the sky is green. I wanted to say red, but with the London siege it very well might be red.

I cannot stress enough how MUCH Alucard is trying to get rid of the McAmerican Man. But as he is ordered not to KILL or MAIM him or HARM him he needs to get creative.

But is he pissed off? Yes he is. Especially because dearest American boi looks the spitting image of his good friend Johnathan. The Dracula in Alucard is VERY MUCH rearing his head. He feels like this is his do over to kill him and drain him. Integra will allow it, he just needs to find A WAY to get her to mistrust him. You must have secrets McAmerican Man.

Seras and the dude are good buddies. The wild geese take him out drinking one night.

Only Integra and Integra's pet vampire SEETHE at this man.

Alucard: Master...

Integra: It will be obvious

Alucard: Not if you lock me up as punishment afterwards

Integra: *puff* *puff* *side eyes him* *is considering it ACTIVELY* *sighs* No...

Both of them are disappointed 😞

Anyway Integra gets wun over by McAmerican Man but she refuses to take his name.

[heinrix]

uhh so i’ve seen a couple other people do this and i rlly wanted to lay out oz’s lore/backstory in a post so that it’s clearer lol, especially considering i allude to it in my fics a lot

general info:

Ozadius Devries (He/They), 27 years old. Levistus Tiefling, formerly Dispater Tiefling. Gay boything, he’s trans but likes to be funky with his gender sometimes Class: Oath of Conquest Paladin lvl. 12, Champion to the Lord of the Hells Stats: STR 20. DEX 8. CON 16. INT 14. WIS 10. CHA 18 Alignment & Background: Neutral good with neutral evil tendencies. Charlatan Proficiencies: Athletics (+9), Insight (+4), Deception (+8), Intimidation (+8), Persuasion (+8) Notable Features: Legacy of The Ash King (Resistance to both fire and cold damage), Boon of The Abyss (In place of radiant damage, your Divine Smites now do force damage) Weapons used: • Act One - Maul of Brutal Justice (Invoke Duel. Whispering a target’s name into the mace, if the target comes within 30 feet of you, you and the target are stuck within 30 feet of each other. You may not stray 30 feet from one another until one of you is dead. You gain advantage on attack rolls.) • Act Two - Halberd of Vigilance (Sentinel Weapon. Gain a +1 bonus to initiative rolls and Advantage on Perception Ability Checks. Adroit Reflexes. When you make an Attack Roll as a reaction, you make it with Advantage.) • Act Three - Obsidian Sword (Devour Soul. Whenever you use it to reduce a creature to 0 hit points, the sword slays the creature and devours its soul, sending it directly to the Lord of the Hells, unless it is a construct or an undead. A creature whose soul has been devoured by the Obsidian Sword can be restored to life only by a Wish spell.)

Background

Ozadius Devries grew up on the Amber Peninsula of the Exhalian Empire in a large port city, Vetalonia. He was born to a pair of tieflings, Lev (his mother) and Carrion (his father) Devries, however his parents were not eager to abandon their lives as pirates and gave Oz away to the first couple that wanted him at the ripe age of 5. Luckily for Oz, his adoptive parents, a firbolg by the name of Beric (father) and a seldarine drow, Triss (mother) truly wanted him as their son and cherished and loved him.

Growing up as a tiefling in a densely human populated city was difficult for him as the children around him would tease and bully him for his appearance.

Needless to say, Oz did not have many friends when he was a child, except for one other boy, a half-orc the same age as Oz named Astolfo. Whenever Oz was in trouble Astolfo seemed to always be there, defending Oz and beating up the older kids who picked on him until their late teens. Oz had feelings for Astolfo but never had the courage to vocalize them, though the two boys had kissed they never mentioned it as anything other than fun. But when they turned 18, Astolfo had told Oz he was leaving Vetalonia to study the arcane, chasing after this one specific warlock pact Oz knew he had been obsessed with for the past year; Oz took this as abandonment and a personal slight.

For the next four years, Oz worked at the local brothel, honing his abilities in understanding people and their wants and needs; this led to Oz becoming quite adept in manipulating people and robbing rich nobles blind with little effort. In those years of Oz trying to forget Astolfo, trying to move on, he simply couldn’t and dropped everything in his life to go find his best friend; this took Oz on an arduous journey, retracing Astolfo’s footsteps into finding access to the patron he became a part of. Through a lot of blood, sweat, and tears, Oz found out that Astolfo had died but not truly, he was in some sort of timeless pocket dimension where the warlock “patron” existed but it was not a singular patron but thousands of minds of previous warlocks who had usurped the original patrons power and now shares it with those who desire to dole out the will of the warlocks within the pocket dimension.

Oz joined this pact of innumerable minds in order to speak with Astolfo and convince him that resurrection and living a normal life with Oz was worth more than his obsession with this convoluted warlock patron.

In his travels, Oz came across a group of adventurer’s: Penny, a monster hunter in debt to local lords, Zuul, a goliath barbarian dedicated to the god of war, Akla, an orc barbarian whose sole purpose for adventuring was to gather items for a girl she had a crush on, and Sippa, a kobold tinkerer who wanted nothing but to explore the surface for the first time in his life. Oz threw his lot in with this band, seeing as his chances of survival with a group were higher than on his own. He grew, over a few weeks, to appreciate all of the weirdos that surrounded him but one thing led to another and several bad decisions were made that led to the entire group becoming wanted by the Exhalian Empire for treason; Akla had gotten physical with guards that were trying to arrest them for suspicions that they had stolen military property (to which they had), a domino effect occurred, Oz nearly died if it were not for the demon contract scroll he had swiped off of Penny the night before and so Ozadius Devries, warlock to The Legion was now oathbound to a sloth demon vying for the Throne of the Hells. A misfortunate side effect of Oz’s newfound allegiance was that Astolfo was now alive, entirely against his will, and Oz wanted nothing more than to right his wrong, to make up for what he had done to Astolfo.

After several weeks, nearly a month, of travel the group had not realized they were being followed by a vengeful group of guards from the previous city, hellbent on killing the treasonous adventurers. In the dead of night, while both Oz and Sippa were on watch, a volley of gunfire sprang upon them from the treeline, waking the rest of the camp with a start. A paladin, in his holy wroth, went after Penny, to which Oz tried his best to protect her but as a paladin himself he knew the strength of which his and this other man’s swings of the sword held. She was struck down in front of him, mercury armor of little use to her as radiant energy slashed right through it and he turned to Oz next. He fought, bloody and trading equal blows but with the help of the paladin’s friends, their whole camp was slain on that moonlit night in the wilderness. Monacco was the only reason Oz survived as he was bleeding out in the dirt, the demon stitched his wounds together, alongside the help of Sippa who had hid within the brush the entire fight. Both the tiefling and the terrified kobold ran, leaving behind their friends mangled corpses.

A day or two after their escape, Zuul was resurrected by his god and Akla was resurrected by the Fey heart she had been carrying. Penny was less fortunate but they did gain a new companion, one they had known since meeting Penny, her sentient mercury armor had consumed her corpse and grown to be able to shift into a human visage with most if not all of Penny’s memories; they called themselves Merc. Oz and Merc would go on to become quite good friends, while the rest of the group still treated Merc as if they were a tool to be used rather than someone sentient and living.

The general attitude of the group toward Merc culminated one day as they visited Sippa’s home city in hopes of resurrecting Penny via the manmade god that Sippa’s home worshiped. Once there, things went downhill, fast as Merc had run off into the city while the rest of the group went to visit the tower containing the god, Deus. Upon talking to Deus, it offered Oz the chance to ask it a question alongside the resurrection of their friend and he had been wondering something for some time at that point. “Am I Oz?” So much had changed about him: his appearance, his attitude, his morality, his goals. Was he who he had always been or was that Oz truly dead and gone. Deus answered him honestly, telling him that it is natural for people to have changed through traumatic experiences. However, Oz did not contain a soul but rather it was in the hells and he was merely puppetting his own body. This was, obviously, incredibly disconcerting to Oz and he sort of shut down, thinking of himself as a puppet all this time and that he was just the embodiment of his contract with Monacco; he didn’t possess his body, it wasn’t his nor had it been since he took that icy hand in the darkness.

In the time that Oz was having an existential crisis, Penny was resurrected and Merc had broken into the tower and attempted to consume Deus, having grown larger than the companions had ever seen them; they had been wandering all over the city eating every magic item they could find. All of the companions except for Oz began attacking Merc and Oz touched Merc - the only way to communicate with them now - and begged Merc to not consume Deus but Merc just asked Oz “why?” he had been selfish in the past many times, why couldn’t Merc, who had done so much to help the group, be selfish this one time. Oz was dumbfounded and abstained in the fight, simply holding his hand onto his friend's mercury ooze body. But hearing his friends cries of help as Merc fought back, acid and bile from their own body burning and singing his companions as they continued to consume a god, Oz stood, ripping his hand away from Merc and bringing up his maul and whispering to the magic within the weapon, “I’m sorry, Merc.” Swinging down with his hellish-backed fury, he fought a monster he called friend.

They were losing, as Merc had grown stronger and was draining Deus of its magical divinity; Oz saw this and prodded at Monacco within his mind, begging to teleport just him and Merc to the nearest portal to the hells that had been popping up since a war was waging between the surrounding empires. His patron granted this wish and soon it was just Oz and Merc, surrounded by the heat of Avernus as Oz, running low on energy continued to pummel the ooze as Merc began to consume the nearest magical artifact, Oz. He felt mercury begin to enter every orifice of his face, sliding down his throat as he gripped onto his maul, hoping against hope that each blow would be the last. The heat and brimstone stink of Avernus overwhelmed Oz as the ooze began to sink into the corners of his eyes, into his ears, and up his nose; he began to cry, welling tears pushing past wet metal as he thought of all his wrongs, all the people he had hurt. Perhaps this was deserved, this death on the edge of the material plane and the hells, alone, with only a friend to guide him back to his soul.

But the aching jaws of death had never been for Oz as he was yanked away from Merc’s grasp and shunted somewhere, somewhere foreign and sticky and smelling of thick iron.

[brainbuffering]

12 Days of Manga (2022)

Day 1: Favourite Ongoing Series - Snow White With The Red Hair by Sorata Akiduki from Shojo Beat (T: Caleb Cook L: Brandon Bovia E: Karla Clark)  

[ID: English cover for Snow White With the Red Hair Vol 19 by Sorata Akiduki. Kiki wears a burgendary psudo-european-medievial style dress with long flowing sleeves. In on hand she holds a wine glass, and in the other she gently clasps her sword. She sits sideways but looks knowingly at the viewer. Behind her, a festival at dusk is in full swing and we see the backs of Hisame (left) and Mitsuhide (right)]

This year (as of writing) the UK has been gifted Volumes 17 - 19 of SWWTRH*, covering the Bergat Arc which finally gave some more time for our beloved Kiki to shine and the return of everyone’s (read: my) favourite beloved arsehole Hisame Rougis. This more action and romance based arc was a nice return to form last year’s Orimmallys arc. As wonderful as it was to see the STEM elements of SWWTRH come to the forefront, with no doubt Cook’s experience on Dr Stone helping him translate all that psudo-science, I’m a simple Blogger who likes to see some swords and swooning.

That said, this combination of genres and themes really does highlight what makes the series so good. Anyone who tries to tell you that Shojo is all the same really needs to read this series because it will swing from mystery to romance to action adventure to science explainer in only a few chapters. I’ve said it elsewhere but I will say it again: it i also just so nice to have a manga I can confidently recommend to literally anyone! It’s a great starter for those looking to get into Shojo, be they a 10 year-old who has some book tokens to use up, or a 40 year old who wants to finally branch out beyond the Shonen Jump Sphere of Influence.

The series is also beautifully unintentionally queer, and that was highlighted again this year. Well, I say unintentionally. Some of SWWTRH’s contemparies in LaLa include explicitly queer stories such as Ouran High School Host Club, so who is to say how it will end? I can hold out for my bisexual polyamorous ending in which Obi, Zen and Shirayuki end up married with 2.5 children, right? With lines like this, it’s starting to feel more like text than subtext. 

[ID: Zen smiles widely. “You might have a trio who lived completely separate lives... ... but came together in the palace... ... to now spend their lives together, side by side.”]

But I digress. As I said! This was the year of the Kiki. We got to get more of a glimpse into her role as heir to the Seiren Family, and what expectations that holds. She got some closure on her relationship with Mitsuhide that, without spoilers, was very afirming from an Aro/Ace perspective, and started to see her take new steps with Hisame in a way that allows them both some character development and encourages world building! We also got to see her beat people up with a sword, although perhaps not as much as I would have liked. She did get her own dramatic “I’ll be shooting for my own hand” moment, with all the paralels and metaphors of working hard to choose your own fate and your own destiny, and to not get thrown by romantic rejection but rather remain to stay true to yourself no matter what. So I suppose I can’t really complain. 

[ID: Two manga pages of Kiki shooting arrows in the middle of the night, the range lit by fire light/beacons. The first ten arrows have missed the center of the target completely. Kiki looks disapointed and uncertain about everything. Then she appears to center herself and manages a bullseye.] 

I’ve said many times before, that I don’t think there is any reason for a series to go beyond 30 volumes. I can’t imagine any story that needs to go on for that long without it becoming far too repetative. However SWWTRH is one of those series that I will happily be buying for the next ten years! For one, unlike a lot of ongoing series, SWWTRH is not restricted to a time scale (e.g. three years of high school) or singular goal (e.g. entering the olympics). Shirayuki and Zen confirmed their romantic feelings early on, and whilst we want to see their relationship develop the pace it is going at feels realistic for people of their age, and in their situation.

Why should they get married at age 19? Shirayuki becoming a well respected court herablist will help her standing in marrying him, sure, but it’s also the goal she wants to achieve without romance being on the line either. Heck, even if her only goal was marriage, it’s perfectly reasonable to want to finish your studies before settling down! The story is not lessened by its slower pacing, but rather enhanced by it. Much like real life, it takes its time with each arc, meandering rather than steamrolling. Yet it doesn’t feel repetative, it doesn’t feel as though Akiduki dragging things out for the sake of it, but rather just allowing the characters to take moments to breathe inbetween events.

The characters are allowed to grow and change with the narrative, and have that be reflected within the story. There’s a whole time skip that takes place without it feeling like some big terrifying event, rather just the nature of what happens in adult life where you just spend a year focussing on your work and your studies, and so naturally don’t get up to the sort of major adventures that you might tell your grandkids about.

The series finds strength in the age of its characters, young adults growing into themselves and finding a purpose in life without fear of falling and failing. Obi is allowed to find comfort in the mundane, and not having to go on life changing ninja adventures all the time. Shirayuki’s focus on her studies living away from Zen doesn’t mean that their romantic relationship must come to an end, and she is allowed to develop completely independently of their love whilst still having that love be incredibly important to her! Mitsuhide is happy to live a life without marriage and kids because he cares more about the platonic relationships in his life, and wants to put his time and energy into those. Kiki is still working out what to do next now that her initial plan for life has turned side ways, and that’s good too! She has a support network in place to help! Zen meanwhile continues to be the perfect prince, the white haired anime boy all white haired anime boys should aspire to be, and I hope that he is able to move back in with his girlfriend and boyfriend full time. 

The joy here is in the journey, not in the destination, and i’ll happily continue on with these characters for years to come!

*The Americans have up to Vol 21, but the ongoing supply chain crisis and paper shortage are out to get me personally.

[excessdrive]

☆ –– (jodie comer, they/them, non-binary) who is killian meijer anyways? ew. you don’t know about them, we’ll bet you want to. they’re feeling 30 and cooking feels like a perfect night to them. rumor has it they’re stubborn and hedonistic because they care, but they’re also loyal and versatile in the best way. they work to make a little money as a personal trainer. they’ve rented on a place on cornelia street in the form of brownstone 12. call it what you want is the song they could dance to the beat of forevermore.

GENERAL STATISTICS:

NAME:  killian meijer NICKNAMES: n/a AGE: thirty BIG THREE: aries sun, scorpio moon, taurus rising DATE OF BIRTH: march 24, 1993 PLACE OF BIRTH: rotterdam, the netherlands CURRENT RESIDENCE: brownstone 12, cornelia street (nyc) OCCUPATION: lawyer (formerly) self-defense trainer (currently) PRONOUNS: they/them GENDER: non-binary SEXUALITY: homosexual SKELETON: call it what you want (muse b)

APPEARANCE:

FACECLAIM: jodie comer EYE COLOR: hazel HAIR COLOR: dark blonde HEIGHT: 5′ 8 / 1.73 cm TATTOOS: full right sleeve – angel wings (ref) SCARS: several light scars along their arms and one more visible one on their neck due to glass cuts during a fight

RELATIONSHIPS:

PARENTS: lars meijer (father), gwen meijer (mother) SIBLINGS: daan meijer (younger brother) CURRENT PARTNER: tba PAST PARTNERS: ex-fiancée of four years; tba SITUATIONSHIPS: tba

PERSONALITY:

POSITIVE TRAITS: witty, charming, passionate, caring, loyal, flexible, protective. NEGATIVE TRAITS: stubborn, possessive, short-tempered, jealous, perfectionist, self-destructive, self-critical. LOVE LANGUAGE: physical touch, acts of service MBTI: infj

BACKSTORY:

killian meijer was born in a well-respected family of lawyers. the meijers were known primarily for their main craft, therefore from very early age lars and gwen meijers were preparing young killian for their upcoming successful career as an attorney. even before killian started attending school, they were constantly exposed to an extensive library filled with law material. there was no room for questions or doubts regarding their future.

when killian turned five, daan meijer, killian's younger brother, was born. the family decided to move from the netherlands to the states, where lar’s older brother resided, seeking even better professional opportunities for their children. Up until high school, killian lived in boston, but had to move to new york to finish high school and continue with law school afterwards.

during their last year in law school, killian met mila – the love of their life. or so they thought. the two hit it off almost instantly, falling head over heals for each other faster than they could realize. the elder meijer’s, however, upon finding out about mila, did not seem too pleased with killian’s pick for a mate, but did not impose their opinion upon killian too much during that time either.

four years later, the couple had moved in together and were building their own reputation as established lawyers.  kllian had taken up a side job and was saving for their own place they could call home that both of them planned to buy in the following couple of years. not long after, killian proposed and the pair was now planning their upcoming wedding. however, the dream life had eventually come to an end. during one of their usual mornings, killian woke up to find their apartment empty. mila was nowhere to be found. they had not seen her since. well, at least not in person. the following month killian made a devastating discover. thanks to social media, they managed to track mila down, who now was back with her ex-boyfriend, who had just returned from his military training. It was later revealed that killian’s parents paid mila handsomely for her to return to her old life and never to come back. what hurt the most? not only did mila accept that offer, but made no effort, whatsoever, to contact killian again. as if the life they had been building for the past four years did not exist.

that was the last straw for killian. they had cut all ties with their parents ever since finding out about mila. another year passed and they decided to quit their job. with their parents out of the picture and no one else to control them, killian decided to explore their true desires and aspirations.

the older meijer always enjoyed helping people. that was the main reason why they pushed through law school and several years working as a lawyer, falsely believing they were protecting people, when, the law system was just as corrupt as any other. they found themselves defending offenders in court, while the actual victims did not receive proper justice. and so, killian swore to themselves to do all that was in their power to prevent any more of such assaults against women and people from happening ever again. that’s how they ended up receiving their self-defense certification and became a personal trainer, helping anyone and everyone who was interested in learning how to defend themselves.

at the same time, killian seemed to struggle with the fact that they had left their younger brother daan with their parents, who, no doubt, were also forcing him to follow their footsteps. the meijer siblings used to be rather close during childhood but had drifted apart since killian moved to new york for studies. although the two managed to have a call or two per month, that was nowhere close to resembling the proper bond they used to have back in the day, not to mention any healthy bond that any siblings shared.

not being able to properly deal with the guilt of “leaving daan behind” and the grief of losing mila, along with a lot of suppressed emotions since childhood that resulted in anger-issues, killian was persuaded by their best friend to start attending therapy. It proved to be a challenging start to a long journey, but they have been showing up consistently for the past year, which had to be a good sign.

when they are not training others, killian spends their free time outdoors, engaging in various sports, such as hockey from time to time (it used to be their main hobby back in their high school era), volleyball and even skateboarding once in a blue moon. as they got older, killian also found new appreciation for sightseeing and cooking. now they treat themselves with warm meals and never forget to surprise their closest friends with their “weekly delights”.

WANTED CONNECTIONS:

(OPEN) Best friend / ride or die – they met in high school and although the two of them did not seem to have a lot in common, they became inseparable. they were there for each other during all of their ups and downs and killian has to thank them for being there during the devastating end with mila and everything afterwards. they were that one person killian could always rely on, their rock. in return, killian filled that same role for their best friend and more. no matter how tough things became.

Casual friends – people killian met along the way, whether it was school, work, through their hobbies or through shared experiences.

One-night stands / flings – ever since fall-out with mila, killian had at least a few of these here and there, so feel free to throw any possible ideas my way!

Situationships – any connection that had/has the potential to become something more, but either never managed to properly get off the ground, one or both of them were unsure of how to approach it or it is still in its early stages.

Rivals – it’s no secret that killian is a sucker for a good competition. especially when the competition is about something they are passionate about. (open to literally any and all ideas!)

(OPEN) Mentor / parental figure – since killian had cut all ties with their parents, they could use an older parental figure who, when in need, could help ground killian somewhat and guide them on the right path by sharing their personal experiences

(OPEN) Mentee / younger sibling figure – as the odds seem to be against killian spending more time with daan, they are subconsciously looking for someone they could protect and guide through life. the trainer is no stranger to tough experiences, therefore it is easy for them to spot when someone else is going through a hard time and well… they will be there to help them.

this introduction will be continuously updated with new details and/or new connections, so keep an eye out for that! highly recommend to check back in here from time to time!

If anyone made it this far, GREAT JOB! please feel free to share any and all ideas/suggestions you may have regarding killian and your muses! I have no doubt that we will come up with some exceptional stories!

[televinita]

This is a GIANT sale, probably even besting the Big One from April. Very reasonable prices: $2 for most books, $1 for CDs and teen/juvenile or mass market paperbacks, 50 cents for the really skinny ones. Some older books individually priced higher but very fairly for their condition and scarcity, and they always have a nice selection of them. This is a community fundraiser sale so they lease out space wherever they can find it, and this year it filled half a vacant warehouse. The sale also runs every day for two weeks straight, but due to its distance and various commitments I didn't get to go until day 11.

And still, there was TONS (albeit not a lot in the way of books less than 10 years old). I would actually like to have gone back, because I ended up only being able to spend 3 hours there and it was NOT enough time to thoroughly rake the place over or make sure I had made the very wisest purchases, but alas, more Commitments and a dash of weather got me. >:(

As for what I actually got -- oh shoot, I keep moving them around; I already see I missed photographing at least one -- a few of the children's books above are replacement copies of beloved titles in nicer condition than the beat-up ones I have, but most of these are new to me and I'm very excited. The level of general interest increases as you get farther, I promise.

======

1. Happily After All - Laura C. Stevens: replacement copy. I didn't read this until adulthood, but it's from my era and I LOVED it and I know I would have loved it had I come across it as a kid, too.

2. Babysitters Club Super Special #2: Summer Vacation: look i wasn't GOING to collect these but this one looks practically brand new so maybe I can have one more rep as a treat (maybe even relinquish that other one in Bad Shape from the last sale)

3. Animal inn #7: The Pet Makeover - Virginia Vail: this series I AM collecting and I am THRILLED to have one that is both in great condition and that I'm not sure I've read.

4. A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens: I told you I was going to replace my ugly copy someday, and the bonded-leather-with-gilt-edges Barnes & Noble edition is one of the prettier ones I know about.

5. A Horse For Mandy - Lurlene McDaniel: look, it's very short & silly but it was kind of a literary bucket goal to read her very first book (originally pubbed 1981), featuring horses instead of sicklit, having already grabbed another early one, Where's The Horse For Me?

6. A Horse For X.Y.Z. - Louise Moeri: another replacement of a childhood fave. My copy isn't bad but old paperbacks are such poor quality in general that I figured I might as well own the nicest available.

7. Silver - Thomas C. Hinkle: not in great shape, but by an author whose 1920s & 30s animal stories I am always looking to read more of. I'm excited to have a Comet Books edition because they have the coolest color graphics on the back (you can see an example on Goodreads here), and honestly condition isn't bad for a pulp paperback pushing 75 years of age.

8. Mayday! ... Mayday! - Hilary Milton: a random grabbed-to-read survival adventure, two teens seeking help after the plane they're on crashes into a forested mountainside. Probable read-and-release, unless the small size tricks me into keeping it along with my 200 other mass markets.

9. Touch The Moon - Marion Dane Bauer: maybe my favorite by her, a girl who longs for a horse is disappointed to only receive a china one...but at night he temporarily transforms into a real horse. Who can talk. Magical adventure time!

10. Summer of the Wolves - Polly Carlson Voiles: replacement copy of one of the all-time best middle grade novels I've ever read as an adult.

11. Lucky Lady - Susan Saunders: replacement copy of a short horse book for preteens that I nevertheless read and loved in high school. I wanted it so bad that I've literally kept a crappy paperback copy with teen marks and a torn cover from a Little Free Library...until now!

12. Cliques, Hicks & Ugly Sticks - K.D. McCrite: guess who is SO THRILLED to have found the 2nd book in this middle grade quartet (not available at local library) only two months after reading the first one and falling in utter love!

13. Almena's Dogs - Regina Woody: one of the few uncommon books in the Grosset & Dunlap "Famous Dog Stories," I've never seen it before. Probably was unpopular because I'm pretty sure it's the ONLY one that features a girl, let alone a Black one. A Goodreads friend read this recently so I was really excited to find my own copy! From 1954 originally, so it seems ahead of its time. Already read half of it and I'm so in love. I am also now interested in a bunch more Regina Woody books, having never heard of her before, but damn. They are scarce.

14. All Dogs Go to Heaven - Beth Brown: I was literally two steps away from joining the checkout line when I spotted a box of old books under a table I hadn't looked at before. This was the third one down. Since I was out of time, I just SEIZED without even enough time to open the cover and make sure it was actually dog stories -- but it definitely is and I could not be more thrilled.

(P.S. This is illustrated by a Mr. Carl Cobbledick. They simply do not make names like that anymore.)

15-16. A Separate Peace + Peace Breaks Out - John Knowles: the exact editions I've checked out of the library, too, lol (though I hate the latter because the back cover is just a giant jump-scare of the author's face. i pray this horrid 80s trend never returns). I think I mentioned before that I was idly thinking of reading them this year; I ended up not doing so but Mom did, so might try again this fall.

17. The Stillmeadow Road - Gladys Taber: the very first book I ever read from her, which would eventually kick off a deep appreciation for her work! one of several books featuring musings & anecdotes on a quiet life as a writer in the countryside, residing in a late 17th century (American) farmhouse, with plenty of pets.

18.Ranch of Dreams - Cleveland Amory: I've been idly meaning to read this one for a while. Don't know if I'll keep it 'cause it's a BIG hardcover, but his Cat Who Came For Christmas trilogy was one of the first pet memoirs I read waaay back in the day, and he just did incredible things with his money (i.e. set up an animal sanctuary. this book was published in 1997, a year before he passed, but the sanctuary still exists!).

19. If Wishes Were Horses: The Education of a Veterinarian - Loretta Gage, D.V.M., w/ [her sister the writer] Nancy Gage: vet memoirs were also some of the earliest adult nonfiction I read, starting in middle school -- I literally read every single one the library had. I don't read them nearly as much anymore, but I'm still interested, especially older ones like this (released 1993) by women when they were still fighting to be taken seriously in the profession, especially in large animal practice. We're talking 1970s and even 80s here.

20. Wild Voice of the North: The Chronicle of an Eskimo Dog - Sally Carrighar: this book is in rouuuuuugh shape, but I simply could not resist him face.

And for the final wrap-up of random books... (also featuring: the one I forgot)

21. Martha's Vineyard: Isle if Dreams - Susan Branch: I FINALLY FOUND THE FINAL BOOK IN THE MEMOIR TRILOGY!!!!!! Actually found them all in a 7-month period, come to think of it, which is wild because I have been keeping an eye out for 8 years (I do actually still need a replacement copy of the last one w/ a dust jacket, but at least I could read it if I wanted to). Reminders of how pretty they are inside, the closest you will ever get to finding a real journal:

moving on...

22. Inside Dunder Mifflin: I don't love the illustration style but I do love that it was published after the series ended, so it is able to address everything up to and including the finale. It's just such a fun novelty item I don't even really know how to describe it yet, may not keep forever, but sure fun to have now!

23. How Far You've Come - Morgan Harper Nichols: I gather she's some sort of influencer; have not heard of her or this book but I am a SUCKER for a smaller-than-average hardcover-with-no-dust-jacket gift book full of text interspersed with pretty drawings and poems.

24. [CD] Skye Dyer - Letting Go (2014): Dunno who she is, picked solely on the basis of "young and pretty white woman on cover = good enough odds I'll like it to gamble $1". I've only played through it once, but this time my instincts appear to be on point.

And the silliest find of all...

25. Dawson's Creek: The Official Postcard Book: mostly because it's in like-new condition and I simply know, I KNOW, that this kind of nostalgic novelty item cannot easily be had for $1 anywhere else.

I still haven't even ever seen an episode of the show. This would be a greater find if I could sell things online, TBH, because the true value is I'm pretty sure I could flip this for at least $10; the binding is so tight that I can't really see all the postcards well without dismantling it, and if I do that I kill some of the value, which I'm not ready to do.

Nevertheless I'm having fun looking at what I can see of all the senior-portrait-style photos; Katie Holmes in particular is simply stunning.

=====

And there we go! Biggest bummer was that despite this sale being a RESPLENDENT repository of 70s-90s teen & children's paperbacks, not a single Lynn Hall book to be found. Where did all of her books GO, goddamn. Also kind of surprised not to see any Marguerite Henry, not even the heavily reprinted paperbacks (most of which are still in print).

But the Susan Branch book -- which I forgot to actually look for, and just happened to spot by chance on my way out of the biggest room for the last time -- and the vintage animal books were definitely worth the trip.

[cato-of-blamesociety]

32weeksMixtape Tracklist/Song Picks All Parts (Links to each blog part) **

How/Why did I choose/chose to use the songs I did

*Full breakdown, was updated in real time (weekly) so you go through the process/journey with me!*

32. Day Dreaming x NxWorries (Anderson .Paak + Knxwledge)

Man, first off, thank you for those of you who are truly seeking out all the aspects of this project. I don't know how long the internet will last, but for those seeing this 5, 10, 15....(or even 30!?) years into the future, thank you! If my wife or my children are seeing this, I love you and appreciate you for putting up with my madness during this period. See, 32weeks was all about pushing myself to my creative limits. I took a simple concept and turned into an artform. Think about it, right now, TikTok is bursting with the green screen idea: reacting to a video, or sharing controversial info, or wholesome content, with the person in front of/on the side of/stitched in, etc and the green screen is an element blending the two visuals together. Mixtapes have been around for well, probably since the conception of Hip hop. I took both entities and came out with this. A visual mixtape, set up as a presentation, with 32 tracks, released on a weekly basis...and staying on schedule. HAHAAHAHAHA!!! That is bizarre! I was able to (almost) share how these images appear in my mind, and how I relate them to the music. I used all true stories from my life. Pieces of my childhood and adulthood that I have never really shared with others...like real talk, #20, that was something I never knew I would ever be able to talk about. And as you know, this portion of the 32weeks era is over, but there still more writing to do.

Ok, so I came across this instrumental after writing, I think the 29th(possibly) verse. I heard it and knew this would be number 32. NxWorries is the collaboration of Anderson .Paak and Knxwledge. Their "Yes Lawd!" album is soooo fire. Like real talk, I knew Anderson .Paak has some dope instrumentals. Oxnard, Malibu, Ventura, are filled with wonderful productions. Knxwledge's beats just hit different. Like, Suede, or Lyk Dis, or Livvin, or omg....H.A.N.(if you are unfamiliar...go hear that right now lol). These instrumentals have that smooth old school but modern feel. But then, Daydreaming drops. 💥Like I said, I knew this was the one. I needed to find the instrumental immediately. All I kept hearing was 🎶32 weeks...🎶This verse pretty much wrote itself. It's literally the closer. I wanted listeners to feel that excitement, the raw feeling, of a burden being lifted. We know the feeling of saying you are going to do something, and then actually following through. During the live period of 32 weeks, whenever it all felt overwhelming, I would play this song as a reminder that it is going to feel amazing to finish this. That gave me more fuel to continue on.

As a songwriter, I learned in this process that I can truly write a song about anything. Overall, I can take a feeling and put it in sound for a listener to digest. I faced the fear of my art not being good enough. I faced the fear that I may have to do somethings, hard things, on my own. I faced the fear that I will overlooked, and ignored. I faced the fear that I was no longer relative to my community (in regards to making music that matters). I faced the fear that I can't learn skills. I faced the fear of showing more darker sides of myself in my lyrics. I faced the fear of opening up to my listeners. I faced the fear of acknowledging death (still uncomfortable, but less anxiety). I faced the fear of my endurance, that I wouldn't be able to actually complete a feat a large as this. I faced the fear of comparison...that the real competition is with myself. I had to learn that I can't watch what other artists are doing and judge them or myself. That practice is dangerous to my mental wellbeing. I killed that distorted thought(and I continue to battle that distorted thought) with these truths:

1. The internet(specifically social media) can make anyone seem like they are super successful, happy, and etc. 2. Everyone's path is different and is autonomous to each individual 3. I work a full time job and found joy in creating and just want to share it with others 4. "It just doesn't matter", straight from Mac Miller's Faces/Bill Murray's monologue from "MeatBalls". I learned that whether something good or bad comes from this project, whether people hear my music or not, whether I live or die, Whether I change the world or not, it just doesn't matter. Once I remember those ideas, I kill the intrusive enemy of most humans - comparison.

Again, I appreciate you spending this time with me. I hope you enjoyed the experience. I encourage you to share the mixtape/blog/videos with people you think would love this. Or with the people that the songs remind you of. I am honored and grateful that you chose to experience this with me.💙💙💙

33. Cross The Globe x Lil Durk ft. Juice Wrld

I'm not sure what exactly to add to this post....let's start with the instrumental. As aforementioned in the blog post for week 23: Stand By Me x Lil Durkft. Morgan Wallen I go into my first encounters of Lil Durk and his Album "Almost Healed". I state in the post that I would tell you more about my feelings about "Cross The Globe". First off I want to say R.I.P. to Juice Wrld. I was never a huge fan, but....dude slaughtered a track on the "Into The Spider-Verse" Soundtrack. I love most of the songs on the soundtrack but Juice Wrld and Seezyn's "Hide" is f*cking catchy and has high replay value. Also, they play this song in the movie at a very vulnerable moment. Miles feels discouraged and with the song in the background.... just gives me the chills. I learned pretty quickly that Juice Wrld is really good with creating those singy/catchy hooks because he definitely killed it on Cross The Globe. So when I came across this song during my re-listening to the album, that beat swooped me up. I think, that was when I knew that this song would be the one I explain myself and the reason for the mixtape. This is also around the time I knew that there would be 33 verses instead of 32. I have mentioned Dante Alighieri's "Dante's Inferno"/The Divine Comedy throughout the project. During the writing the phase I had just picked up the inferno, or was wrapping up the inferno. Trying to incorporate some of wonderful messaging that I received. The Podcast, "Dante's Divine Comedy" by Mark Vernon was/is a major asset to understanding what the hell (hell...hahaha, get it?) you're reading. Also, I was 32 years of age approaching 33, add in the literature references and you have a few metaphors/entendres. I was very inspired by Alighieri with the whole "Cantos" ideas as chapters and seeing that each verse is a chapter of my life, whether past, present or future. I think the first lines I wrote were:

"documenting life just a novel, it is written/approaching chapter 33, 33 degrees. That's a third of the perfect work, Divine Comedy. Watch the Divine work through me..."

I really wanted to highlight the fact that this project contained a lot of honesty, alot of vulnerable moments, and shame. There are many situations that I had locked in my pen, due to fear of the judgement. As an adult I was able to knock down that barrier. I know how much I have worked on myself over the years. I know that I made a lot of mistakes, and being able to share them with others will ultimately release that shame/guilt possibly helping the listener. I struggled for years wondering what to write (due to what I just stated). I don't want to be the cheesy holier than thou emcee, I don't live street life, I don't have money to ball, and I am happily married and have two kids. Limiting myself in this way really slowed my mode of creativity. I am so grateful that I finally got to the point that I can just express my cringy past, talk about the work I do on myself, and find joy in my craft! I don't know what else to say so I am going to hop off of here. If you are reading this I want to say thank you! I appreciate your time, and attention. I hope something I say/write intrigues you, motivates you, or moves you. If no one has told you today that they love you, just know that I do, and I always will.

💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙

Weeks 1-8

Weeks 9-16

Weeks 17-24

Weeks 25- 31

[blueiight]

I don't think any of your other anons have mentioned this yet but if they have correct me! But a really key difference between book and show Lestat is his age not just in pure number [150 vs 30 something when he first meets Louis] but the age when he was turned [~35 vs 21]. Cause show Lestat even as human would've already sown his oats, lived it up and is basically middle aged for 18th century France life expectency before he's even turned. Then on top of that, he's spends another 100 years or so fucking around, going on adventures, trying to find a companion, having failed relationships, dirt napping before he finally meets Louis. Book Lestat's life was very much cut short due to his youth when turned, he goes from a bad relationship with Nicki to a bad relationship with Louis and then spends many decades barely alive and napping. Show Lestat at 35 should've been settled down, married with kids already during his time? [whether he actually did that or not is irrelevant, that's what was normal for men of his age]. Like I think that's why show Lestat is so much more of a patriarch in the show?

I don't know what else they plan to do with this change in the show but its one of the most fundamental changes to his character I'd say!

before i go along id like to correct the rl perception of life expectancy u have. a lot of ppl (not just u!) conflate ‘average life expectancy’ with a vague notion of the ‘average adult life span’. what life expectancies account for is the societal underpinnings in health namely the sheer numbers of maternal, infant and young child mortality due to the sheer risk of pregnancy alone& infectious diseases prior to the advent of germ theory, clean water systems & the widespread use of vaccination/s. chances are, if u lived past the age of say 5-10 and/or survived ur pregnancy, u already beat a number of odds & could very well live to old age [certainly the numbers of ‘respect ur elders’ hierarchies in cultures worldwide support this. but i get ur point& im being the pedantic ass i complain about. adolescence did not exist in les time as we know it so hed be considered a man in his teens-early 20s, and in fact in most of human history ppl got married 20s& above so if book les didnt get hitched idt show les necessarily had to neither? esp cuz hes still the younger of sons.]

i agree! i do think og iwtv lestat was a force of nature & a manic figure, but he was certainly more pitiful than his amc counterpart [in no significant part due to 1976 iwtv lewis narration] and being aged up certainly can play a role into how much of a firmer authority figure he is in this version of the show so soon. i think this change is fascinating, and imo draws both from iwtv/tvl as well as subsequent [consistent beats of, an exploration of] characterization of lestat as the pinnacle of vampirism, the brat vampire prince lording over in later works of the chronicles. hes not only stronger in a patriarchal sense but also in the literal sense of what hes capable of doing as a vampire. much to think of! louis also being an older man [33-34 as opposed to his early 20s] when turned also has sweeping implications for his character, and performatively equalizes their dynamic in the eyes of the viewer. & louis himself in s1 selectively likens himself to both lestat’s equal, yet u have the ‘lover, murderer, maker’ line being repeated & louis saying ‘could the children murder the father?’, likening himself to claudia in that they are both lestat’s children & claudia in the rue royale timeline compares louis to a pitiful housewife or something like that .. not to mention this👇🏾

[i feel like ive talked about this scene ten times. from claudia being the exact age/close to the age louis himself was here when he was turned, to lestat denying claudia her adulthood , louis selectively playing up her adulthood, and claudia attempting to neutralize this family dynamic & claim her own sense of maturation by making all of them siblings… levan akin ur everything to me 😵‍💫🫣]

i do wonder how nickistat will be adapted for s3 with these age shifts in mind, and what implications that holds for nicki , armand & co.. hell, even gabi. especially gabrielle. [also i time traveled & spayed les he will not have no babies on lou]

[vryyn]

The Emancipation of Performative Apathy

A personal essay about growing up

When I was younger, I always thought I was way too cool to ever express myself, especially to my peers. At the risk of sounding insane, I didn’t really like anyone- most things that I did feel were things that I could only describe as reactionary. I didn’t enjoy the people that I called friends, and, in that time, I lost a lot of interest for the sake of trying to be cool in front of them. Which means that after a certain age, I was that annoying, goofy ass, punk that just didn’t let myself or anyone else enjoy things. And through it all, through the eons that have passed, the thing that got me out of that funk was Kingdom Hearts. (That's right, this is a love letter to kingdom hearts, eat my ass. I’m pushing 30, let me have this.)

(Kingdom Hearts box art via CNET)

For the allistics reading this, Kingdom Hearts is a video game franchise that, as of writing, has 3 main numbered entries and 10 side games. All of these games are integral to the overall story that has spanned over the course of twenty-one years. It’s a game that tries the ludicrous idea of attempting a giant crossover between two IP’s- Final Fantasy and Disney. In all of these games, you play as spikey-haired anime protagonist OC known as Sora who goes on adventures with Disney’s Donald and Goofy. They explore Disney’s catalog of animated films and engage in anime fights with the villains of said movie.  If I had to sum up the experience of what it’s like playing it would be something like Goofy and Squall from Final Fantasy 8, meeting up and having a melodramatic conversation about light and darkness. Nothing about this game should have worked, but my 4-year-old ass sat on the floor and loved every second of it. I was hooked from the first game despite that game being very hard and even harder to understand at that age. 

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My brother and I would play that game together and by play, I mean I just watched while he played. The problem was that we were both young children, so we barely knew how to play the game. We got stuck a lot. The first game in this franchise is very hard- the hardest one, if you ask me. Replaying it now is still a struggle in some parts. Things don’t work the way they’re intended to, and characters move like they’re knee deep in mud. Keep in mind this was the early 2000’s, like prehistoric, ancient Mesopotamia era- there was no internet especially in the border town we lived in. The only consistent resource we had were our parents and, of course, a book. 

This, however, wasn’t just any old book, this was the holy grail of all knowledge, a heavenly divine scripture written by the gods who wished to bless us mere mortals with a tome filled with their wisdom. Our journey to acquire such knowledge was not going to be easy and we were prepared to face those challenges. We begged, cried, and, most importantly, asked our parents to take us to our conveniently located Barnes and Noble. And after searching for what felt like eons, there it was- The Official Kingdom Hearts Strategy Guide. 

(from ‘Kingdom Hearts: The Official Strategy Guide’ (pages 62, 63) via piggyback)

The guide contained everything we ever needed from maps and battle strategies, stickers, art, important item locations, secrets, stickers and, most importantly, enemy stats. We never bought it. But God I wanted those stickers. Anyway, Barnes and Noble had a copy opened so we may have skimmed it. The most important piece of information the guide ever gave us was to use defensive magic. Like that was it. And that has been the most game changing advice I have ever gotten for a game. And with that, we beat the first game, under leveled and slightly better gamers. After the first game, I was sort of left to play these games by myself. 

 Up until 2013, I had played every entry that came out, including the one where the real- time combat is done with one time use cards that have to be reloaded upon use. The series had a game come out on every piece of hardware you can imagine, so even if I wasn't home to play one of the titles, there was always something in my pocket to give me access to this world. I didn’t understand a damn thing that was being said in the game, but I loved it anyway. It was just nice to see Goofy do the most broken, most insane juggle in the game to go on and get a wombo combo by Donald casting a string of spells that barely work while you were fighting a different enemy using a spinning twits kick. It was nothing short of brilliance.

After 2013, once I was in middle school, I stopped caring. The first trailer for the 3rd installment in the game was shown off way back then and it looked interesting but by all means I just didn’t want to care about a silly game. Instead, I decided to focus my efforts into becoming the worst possible person that a teenager could be- a centralist. I thought I was hot shit, I thought I was being super cool by adapting the language and attitudes of contemporary think tanks. At the time, that meant the rhetoric of atheists on the internet which in itself evolved into the anti-woke, anti-sjw and, eventually, gamer gate spaces. The people I had surrounded myself with just made it easier for me to become so embedded into the idea that I didn’t need to be an active member in my communities or my life. I didn’t let myself be bogged down by anything that could possibly make me feel bad. And because of all that, between the ages of 10-16, my memory is pretty blurry. 

When I came to, I found myself over encumbered by the burdening realization- a passionate 3-word sentence, searing onto the tip of my tongue: I hate this. I didn’t dig my heels into the lamest world of politics- which by then shape shifted into the likes of Ben Shapario, Rubin Report, and Project Veritas. They were all things that I used to watch or was aware of who they were. I was too cool to ever be lame enough to fall into that conservative pipeline. I was just becoming an extremely apathetic man. Instead of radicalizing myself to that kind of thing, I just sat there with that nothing for a long time. I didn’t know what to talk about now. I just started listening to other people around me. I saw people who loved things and each other, who were hurt by things outside of their control. And I didn’t know what was going on. In 2016, I miraculously graduated high school even though I kind of just sort of did nothing and still came out at like 18th in my class. In that haze I somehow then performed an any% speed run through college in what was supposed to be a 2018 graduation turned into a 2019 graduation. In that time, I eventually started leaning more towards where I stand now with my political affiliations, and that meant where I was as a kid. I was super based as a kid way more than I was in my adolescence, it’s comedy really.

My brother reminded me sometime in late 2018, early 2019, that after 6+ years Kingdom Hearts 3 was finally releasing. That month I made an unprecedented amount of money in tips, and it was coming out around my birthday, so I bought it. I hadn’t played the previous games in so long and when I went back to see all these games and the plot threads that were going to be wrapped up in this 3rd main- line entry, I was surprised to see how much I remember it and, what was the most shocking to me, was how much I cared about it. Remembering all those characters, people that I hadn’t seen in at least 6+ years was a sobering reminder of my own frail creation of a personality I created and what little it had made me. 

I couldn’t help but think about Sora and the quest that he’d been through in these games. Sora is nothing like me. He unabashedly and unconditionally loves, he is quick to extend a hand of friendship, he constantly wears his heart on his sleeve and, most importantly, learns what growing up means in a world that wants to grow cold. He started off as a happy kid who goes on this long adventure because he didn’t want to lose his friends. Throughout the course of the series, in what I’m guessing was the writers trying to write themselves out of a corner, decided to inject fear and doubt into him. He loses his memory and never gets it back after a yearlong sleep. When he comes to, he finds that he’s not the same person anymore and that the friend that he spent so long looking for, doesn't even look like himself. In both writing and performance, it feels like he’s in this sort of catatonic state, a stupor that t. In that time, Sora finds that he’s literally been split in two- a side portrayed by a totally different character, one that was mean, sad, and edgy, one that represented his hurt. It takes Sora a long time to sound and act like his old self, in both writing and performance. The plot device that cements this, funnily enough, is the one that introduces time travel and has Sora look like his old self from the first game. He literally goes back into his old self and the writing is better and it’s filled with so much glee that it genuinely made me laugh. It was the corniest and lamest joke ever and it made me laugh. And I will always remember that. 

(Kingdom Hearts 3 title screen from ‘Kingdom Hearts 3 Title Screen Opening & Menu Selection (1080p 60fps)’via YouTube) 

When Kingdom Hearts 3 came to my door, I put the disc into my system, sat on the floor, and began what turned out to be one of the most heart wrenching experiences of my life. From a fucking game that featured Donald Duck casting a spell known as Zettaflare which is a spell so powerful that only two other mages in Final Fantasy can use. From the game that features an AMV that feels like it was ripped from an early 2000’s YouTube video. The main menu alone had me in tears. That’s how it went from that point forward, just little parts in its stilted weirdly written dialogue that would just remind me of me. It all just collectively came forward at the very end. Sora rescues everyone. The evil bad man (who is the only person in the franchise to have any melanin in his skin and I think I should be a little offended by that) stops being evil and realizes that maybe leading the world into fascism isn’t the move. The worlds that had fallen into darkness have been saved. That even the other half of Sora found happiness in his friend’s and stopped being so angsty. All is okay in the universe. The final image of the game, of this main line series so far, is that of Sora staring into the eyes of his love interest, both of their silhouettes outlined by the setting sun beside them. I’m shouting for my boy Sora, that son of a bitch did it. Right after they both lean in, there's a kiss coming, the music starts swelling, and as a beautiful bloom radiating from the sun, the colors turn vibrant as their outlines become consumed, he fades away into that light. He’s gone. Then it cuts to credits. That’s it. That's the ending. It made me cry so fucking hard. 

I have never let myself be part of a world that experienced anything. I purposely closed myself off to maintain a level of vague coolness because I was ashamed to ever be seen as liking something let alone ever approaching a personality that is authentically me. I think I was just scared as being seen as childish or lesser for liking silly things like a game or show. All I got from the people around me, including adults, were positive responses for being an emotionally constipated teenager. I held myself back and I lost a lot of myself because of my shame.

Shame as I now understand it, isn’t something that comes from within, it’s a feeling that comes because of one’s relation to others. It’s a feeling that comes when there’s an innate desire of needing the validation of others to accept you and all that you encompass. And when you start thinking about it like that, then there IS a lot of pressure to be someone that others will like. That ideological framework is what hurts the most. It's the thing that makes cliques and ends up becoming a sort of internalized stigmatization. In the article Shame in Self and Society, Thomas J. Sheff would argue that in all of our understanding of lived- in experiences of expressions, shame, compared to feelings like love that have had such a much broader and wider understanding, has been so uniquely defined in our society. It’s in that we can see why there is such a shocking lack of empathy in our world. And I think I can agree with it, to a certain extent.

The word that we use now, well from what I see, is cringe. Cringe in every way shape and form is about shaming people for having any sort of noticeable attachment to something. I would argue that cringe takes it a step further by directly comparing it to standards of neurotypicality of expression which can be further expressed into conservative white thought. Like all things, cringe and shame are political and hurting someone for not being what you wanted them to be is pretty lame if you ask me. I was that person and I bullied myself for it. I hid in corners of my own life watching someone that I didn’t recognize. In my head, that’s what growing up looked like.

Three months after the release of KH3, and to the surprise of everyone, I came out as trans. I know it’s pretty stereotypical of me to be a fan of Kingdom Hearts and be trans but I think it’s funny. It’s like right there with being trans and a Sonic fan. It was a (Donkey Kong Barrel) blast coming out. And I’m happy that I did. I have found happiness in allowing myself to change, to let other people see me change.  I have learned to just love things and others and myself. And that’s a weird sentence to say. It seems like just a basic human understanding, like something that would just be fundamental to just being, I don’t know, decent. And I had spent so much of my time never knowing. That pretentious kid thought they knew everything, what a punk.

Being well into my 20’s now, all I know is that I don’t want to be that person again. I don’t want to be known as someone who is there for my friends because of the simple fact that I enjoy being their friend. To let myself be completely infatuated with the small things that exist in this world. I want to be able to see others as themselves and not as what I want them to be, to see the parts of them that don’t shine anymore and still enjoy their company. I know that’s not a revolutionary take, in fact I think it makes people wince their eyes out of concern especially since the thing that made me realize it was a spikey haired anime protagonist and his closest friends Donald and Goofy. But I don’t know how else to tell you how happy that has made me. That learning from a goofball like Sora was kind of sort of freeing. And I think that I can best explain this with a simple meme, don't kill the part of you that is cringe, kill the part that cringes. I guess it was ok to just want to be a little my bestie like Sora. 

(Image of Kingdom Hearts gang and their first appearance outfits from ‘Kingdom Hearts: Visual Art Collection: CG & Illustration Works’ via Internet Archive)

[cjmontgomery]

nina dobrev + she/her + female  –  have you seen cj montgomery around los angeles? the thirty year old is usually jamming to radio reject by magnolia park. word around the city is that they’re independent, yet, they can also be pessimistic, but you didn’t hear that from me. they’re currently a/an courier/waitress/occasional stripper and are typically seen walking the streets of los angeles with her old, tattered sneakers. when i think of them, i think of random colors in her hair, never expecting anything good to happen, and growing up too soon. let’s hope the city treats them good! ( cally / 31 / she/her / cst / none )

So this is my girl with a troubled past CJ! Read more about her!

Full Name: Cordelia Jane Montgomery

Nicknames: CJ, Cordy

Age: 30

Birthdate: December 29th, 1992

Birthplace: Los Angeles, California

Occupation: Courier/Waitress/occasional stripper

Parents: Neil Montgomery (currently in prison) & Linda Montgomery (current location unknown)

Siblings: 3 younger (WCs!)

Children: None

Relationship Status: Single

Sexuality: Bisexual

Height: 5' 7"

Hair Color: Dark brown (often with additional colors)

Eye Color: Brown

Piercings: Lower and upper lobe in each ear, industrial in right ear, helix, orbital, and tragus in left ear, nose, both nipples, belly button

Tattoos: A scattering of stars on her back, a dragon on her left hip bone, a middle finger on her ass, a dead rose on her left lower arm, a snake in the shape of a heart on her right thigh, a pawprint on her right wrist, moon phases on the back of her neck

Residence: A rundown apartment building in a terrible neighborhood in LA

Character Inspo: Max Black (2 Broke Girls), Fiona Gallagher (Shameless), Joey Potter (Dawson's Creek), Maya Hart (Girl Meets World), Shawn Hunter (Boy Meets World), Feyre Archeron (A Court of Thorns and Roses), Lysandra (Throne of Glass), Brooke Davis (One Tree Hill), Callie Adams-Foster (The Fosters)

(TW for Toxic Relationships, Sex work, Drug mentions, Alcohol mentions, Parentification, and Sexual Assault)

CJ was pretty much born with a reputation thanks to her parents. They were both known for trouble and had quite the tumultuous, toxic relationship, not getting married until after CJ was born. Neil's family was constantly in trouble with the law and he was no different. He probably spent more time in prison than CJ ever actually saw him. And her mother was a piece of work as well, being a prostitute and con artist, but not to support her kids. More for her own drugs and drinking habits.

She always came from the wrong part of town, the older, more beat up, poorer part of Los Angeles. You know, that part of the neighborhood people say to avoid, especially at night. They moved around from shitty housing to shitty apartments, mostly to avoid parole officers and people looking to get their money back. And as she grew up in that area, CJ found her own trouble at times. It quickly led to rumors about her, everything from the things her dad did to get put in prison (mostly true), the things her mom did around town (definitely true), and even questioning if her dad was really her dad (possibly true). And for some reason, everyone seemed to think she was just like her mother, who she looked a lot alike.

(TW: Sexual Assault)

She didn't realize people were drawing those conclusions until eighth grade, when she went on her first date and the boy tried to feel her up. She slapped him and told him no and he said she should probably be used to it considering what a whore her mom was. The next day, everyone had heard the rumor that she had slept with a boy on the first date, even though she had only had her first kiss.

From there, the rumors grew. CJ was known as the slut all through high school, the homewrecker and easiest girl in town. What those people didn't know is that she had only slept with a few people, that most of the guys who claimed they fucked her she had never spoken to. Some guys even tried to force themselves on her, thinking they were entitled to it. Those people also didn't know that the reason she skipped school so often was because her mom was on a bender and she had to take care of her sick siblings, or work extra shifts wherever she could get hired to pay the bills her mom forgot about.

Yes, as her father was in jail and her mother usually disappeared, it was up to her to raise her three siblings and try to keep the lights on and food on the table. She was the one who made sure they got to school, even if that meant she was late. That they got their homework done when hers hardly ever did. All her dreams were pushed to the side for her siblings, who she loved most in the world. She even ended up dropping out senior year because she needed to be able to work full time.

She quickly took any work she can, except prostitution. It reminded her too much of her mother. CJ was a waitress, a babysitter, a gardener, a delivery person... basically anything that would pay the bills. Not all of it was legal, but at least she got cash and could make sure they weren't kicked out. The first time she stripped was the month before Christmas. Her siblings knew better than to ask for a bunch of stuff, but she knew what they really wanted. And she told herself that for once, they were going to get a damn good Christmas. So she let go of her past and became a dancer, taking her clothes off for more money than she usually made. She didn't tell her siblings, not wanting them to think of her like their mom or be ashamed. But they did have a good Christmas that year. It wasn't something she wanted to keep doing, especially with the expectations of some customers of wanting more than just a dance, but she occasionally would do it when money was low.

It all paid off though, since her siblings got to live out their dreams to the best of her ability. They got to graduate and go on to do what they wanted. She told them not to worry about her or the others, to just get out of there the minute they could. Even if she felt stuck in her life, she didn't think they needed to be. They had a chance to escape. CJ had given up on her dreams of escape, of any sort of better life. She felt like this was just what she deserved now, that she didn't get happiness. But she would fight like hell for her siblings to have that. If she had gotten the chance, CJ would have loved to have actually gone to college, to become a veterinarian like she always dreamed of, but that's not the case.

Now that her siblings are all grown up, CJ has their shitty apartment that really isn't livable at all (hell, the entire building should be condemned) all to herself. She still has lots of debts to try and make up for, but she's getting by. She got a slightly fancier job as a courier, making bank taking those expensive contracts and papers around Hollywood for big shots. It means she has to strip less, but doesn't fully make up for everything, hence still waitressing.

When she gets the chance, she has her own fun. She is always dying her hair different colors or having her friends give her tattoos. She makes friends with the right people, the same ones who work shitty jobs like her. And often, they'll help her out by telling her if they need extra hands at a catering event or letting her in to the cool parties in Hollywood. They let her in the side doors or no cover charge and she has their backs too. Might as well take advantage of free food and drinks whenever she can.

Personality wise, CJ grew up way too quickly, giving her a very jaded and pessimistic view of the world and especially people. She doesn't trust people easily but those she does, she will fight for. She is very used to people knowing her reputation, so she assumes they do even before they open their mouths. Granted, she has learned that not all people believe the rumors, but it is still hard for her to shake. She has a lot of resentment for her parents and people who aren't thankful for the privileges they have, like not having to worry about money or family that cares about you. She has a habit of downplaying her struggles, not letting the people that care know how bad she has it.

She has had very few actual relationships because of the rumors, afraid that people only want her because of what they can get out of her. So she has sworn off of romance and dating entirely, instead preferring to read about it and have one night stands to scratch that itch. She came out as bisexual when she was twenty-one. Frankly, she is terrified of having kids, worried about screwing them up like her parents did to her. She feels like she isn't loving or good enough to be a mom. She doesn't seem to see that she was a mom to her siblings and they thought she did a damn good job at it.

[quibbs126]

I know we don’t really know yet if Ninjago United is gonna be a continuation of our ninja’s stories or if it’s gonna be a next gen sort of story, but I’m gonna give my two cents and say that personally, I feel like I would prefer they go the next gen route

Oh, disclaimer, I mean “next gen” as in we get a new, younger squad of ninja while the old ninja are more like mentors or something; not necessarily that all the new characters are children of the ninja. Though if some of them have kids I wouldn’t oppose. Also there would be a massive time skip, like 10-20 years, maybe even 30. Just clarifying for my points later on

First off, it gives weight to Crystalized’s ending. Every time we get a “final battle” in this series, it always gets a bit cheapened by the fact that, well, a new threat ends up appearing anyways. I know that’s because they have to keep making seasons, and thus we need new threats, but still. But if Ninjago United goes the next gen route and does a long timeskip, then that means that Crystalized really would be a final battle. Ninjago has been in relative peace for years afterwards, little to no big threats terrorizing the people, that is until our new threat in United. Regardless of how you feel about the finale of Crystalized, it makes the ending actually mean something instead of just being nulled instantly

Second, it means we get new main characters to fall in love with. I love the ninja, but they’ve been our protagonists for 11, almost 12 years, and to be honest…there’s not much more we can do with them. That’s not to say there isn’t any material to work with, we got Lloyd’s Oni side and Jay’s mom for example, but there’s not gonna be many more opportunities in the series for the other characters to really grow. And for characters like Zane, we’ve been having to repeat their arcs or earlier story moments (for example the Ice Emperor stuff, both originally with the thinking Zane is dead, and in Crystalized with the Ice Emperor), and I don’t feel like Kai’s been getting development (or really much love) for a good long while. If we get a new cast, we could get new perspectives and new characters, all with their own new backstories and new potential arcs and character beats to work with, and I love new character opportunities. And assuming the old ninja stay in the show, it’s not like our old cast is completely gone, they’re just not main characters

Speaking of which, reason three, it means we could get new stuff for our old cast to deal with. I know I said earlier that there’s not much material left to work with for the old cast, but that’s going with the assumption that they stay our main ninja. However if they’re older and are now mentors, that gives us a whole boatload of new opportunities for them. How do they fare as mentors? They’re adults now with responsibilities, how does that affect them? Do some of them have kids? If so, does being a parent now come with new challenges they’ve never had to consider before? If Ninjago’s been in relative peace for years, that means that there’s been little need for the ninja, so how did they all deal with that? Lloyd in particular I imagine would have a hard time adjusting, considering this has been his life since he was a child. During the timeskip, did new threats happen that we don’t know about, giving our old ninja something new to deal with? Like for example, a berserk Oni Lloyd that ended up affecting the whole team? Or a villain who caused severe damage to one of them that ended up affecting them in a way that they can’t fight anymore, or at least not like they used to? These are just some ideas, but giving them a time skip and a new role in the story really frees up these characters and gives them something new to work with

But yeah these are just some thoughts I’ve had on the matter, and I guess why I prefer the next gen idea. I’d be a bit disappointed if it’s just more of the ninja, but I suppose not too disappointed, as I do love these characters. I just think a new cast provides more opportunities for storytelling and could be something good for the series. But that’s just my opinion

[hey-a-clown]

Some dumb lore about OCs

The Cain family mostly the children (From oldest-youngest)

Zyrian (40's-50's)-Lillian(late 40's)-Oliver(mid 30's)-Nathan(mid 30's)-Azua(early 30's)-Lucy(17 years old)-Yuki(11 year's old)

Parents: Yureka Crypt Cain (Dad), Autumn Cain the ll (Mom)

TW- Metions of gore/force cannibals and child abuse

In a family of nine, the parents are members of a cult that subjected their children to aggressive obligations. As a result, Zyrian and Oliver's faces were severely disfigured, and Lillian's lower face plus half was also severely mangled. (luckily she was still alive and was healed by Nathan) The majority of the other kids also endure hardship.

Yuki's eye is taken out by force at a age 7, so she just has a missing eye socket.

Lucy arm was purposely rip off

Azua had her wings ripped off as a quote-on-quote "punishment".

She was numb to pain, which made the cult leaders pissed off, meaning the poor girl was used in most of the rituals as a dummy example.

Yuki was deemed a mistake by her peers, which is basically unplanned yet heavily praised alongside Zyrian for doing most of the unhinged things like doing blood sacrifices or eating still-alive victims.

Lucy got held done due to not wanting to kill an old friend at 9 years old, which resulted in losing a limb with Lillian rushing into the scene to help her younger sister with the bleeding while for her punishment was to eat the sever arm.

The cult's adherents made the children eat human flesh under duress, turning them all into cannibals (with the exception of Lillian), and using them to attach a creature to each of them that contained a torturous conveying itself, they assigned them to go hunting for other living people, Kidnapping people, or even bringing people to join the cult.

This is where Zyrian met Ami in the process falling in love with her, and they ended up getting married to one another desperately. He made sure to keep her safe at all cost because he didn't want to risk her safety, but we all know what happens...

But even the tiniest of mistakes would lead to brutal beatings that cause black out's or broken bones. Of course, this made all the siblings feel pressure to be perfect no matter what cause no wants to deal with the consequences of failure.

Some of the children allowed the mass murder to spiral out of control by either eating the majority of the members or torturing them to death. Yes, their demise was protracted and agonizing, but...

Aftermaths:

They were finally liberated after many years of suffering, but most of them made wrong decisions in the aftermath of the horrifying previous terrors, resulting in Lucy going insane and attacking Yuki and Nathan. Her younger sister and older brother both have marks on their skin. Like superimposed ghosts, this cause Zyrian to make his own cult.

Able to overcome this trauma, but it resulted in disputes between Zyrian and Azua, mainly due to insanity acting out, her blaming him about how its his own fault for getting them in the cult in the past & is repeating what their god awful parents did. Fights have erupted in the siblings' home. Lillian was always the one who sought to prevent the arguments, only causing more out lash to happen.

If anyone has questions about the lore I'm more than happy to try and explain