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jessica-rowan · 4 years ago

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A letter I will never send (to my transphobic mother)

Janet,

So I’m moving out. You’re a bitch and have been such a profoundly negitive influence on me that I have wanted to kill myself. Any mother who is the direct cause of that in her child is a failed mother and a terrible person.

Fuck you. Like for real and for serious, Fuck you. You sit and you bitch about how no one respects you and you don’t feel loved. This WHOLE house bends to your every whim without a word in argument. NO ONE stands in your way. NO ONE. fuck you. SO MANY of my fucking friends have made some variation of the comment:

“If i didn’t know other people aside from your mother lived here i wouldnt have ever guessed”

My room, my space, my fucking hidaway. It has hardwood floors not because I wanted them, but because YOU wanted them. BOTH times my room has been painted it was because YOU wanted it painted.

There is ZERO evidence that I live in the house. Everything is how YOU want it and its always fucking been this way.

You bitch, you berate, you condescend and YOURE FUCKING PROUD OF IT

“Hey i'm just being honest, if you don't want me to be honest dont ask” - thats fucking your mantra and you fucking wear it like a fucking crown

Brutal honesty? No. judgemental bitch. Its not a good character trait its fucking toxic and its one of the many, many, many fucking reasons danielle doesnt fucking talk to you. The reason we dont come to you with problems is because we learned really fucking early that instead of advice or empathy we get criticism and judgement.

Did it ever occur to you that fucking maybe we wanted a mother and not a personified negative opinion?

You grew up in an abusive home. That sucks. You know what you did instead of making sure that your kids never suffered what you went through? YOU FUCKING CREATED AN ABUSIVE HOME WHERE TWO OUT OF YOUR THREE KIDS HAVE TRIED TO KILL THEMSELVES BECUSE OF YOU.

You are a fucking narcisist. This note, these words. They look like lies to you. That i’m making shit up. You cannot see what you’ve done to us and when confronted by the smallest possibility you may have done something?? Not only DO YOU FUCKING BLAME US you have also said that even if you DID do something YOU FUCKING TAKE NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR IT.

LIKE A FUCKING FOUR YEAROLD.

You fucking cunt stain

There is no one in this world i fucking hate more than you

You’ve ripped so much joy from me, caused me an incalculable amount of pain, AND HOW FUCKING DARE I EVER IMPLY that maybe something youve said or done has caused hurt. BITCH. YOU FUCKING BITCH

I want to kill myself. DO YOU FUCKING GET THAT? YOU HAVE SAID AND DONE THINGS THAT MAKE ME WANT TO OPEN UP MY WRISTS WITH A FUCKING BOXCUTTER.

And by the fucking grace of a few friends and a CHAMPION sister, whos been more of a fucking mother than you ever have been. IM NOT FUCKING DEAD YET.

“I love and support you!!!” youll fucking say, cause youre always the victim. And im being so fucking mean and hateful and ungrateful right now.

You know what.

Go fuck yourself.

You ensured ive felt BEHOLDEN to you, that i am INDEBTED to you. Im made to feel bad about ANY and EVERY decision i make that stears my own fucking life.

Youve fucking said time and time again “live your own life and find your happiness” “all i want is for you to be happy”

But whenever we did something to further those goals??? You fucking made us feel like shit.

That we were insulting you PERSONALLY for not doing whatever in the way YOU wanted.

You want us to be happy as long as we live in a way that YOU can fucking control

You wanna know why danielle pisses you off so fucking much??

You can't control her.

You wanna know why my transition pisses you off so much

Other than the fact youre a massively homophopic transphobic psychobitch?

Because it's moved me beyond your control

And you cant fucking STAND that.

And lets fucking talk about my transition. A word you can’t even fucking SAY.

This is the BEST FUCKING THING THATS EVER FUCKING HAPPENED TO ME

THIS FUCKING SAVED MY FUCKING LIFE.

And you fucking HATE it.

You wont use my pronouns, you fucking refuse to call me a she. Your excuse is “i need some time” bullshit

If you were making ANY effort at all you would, fucking statistically speaking, use the proper one AT SOME FUCKING POINT but you dont. You never fucking have. you never fucking will becuse you dont care that it hurts me. Because anything that is a minor inconvenience to fucking Janet isnt fucking worth a damn so fuck everyone who isnt you.

You said point blank that you hate my name and you won't use it.

In a rare moment of bravery, i pointed out that refusal to acknowledge someone's identity is profoundly disrespectful you fucking YELLED AT ME you bigoted bitch.

You said I BETRAYED THE FAMILY when I changed my name. You flat out said that I wasn't part of this family anymore. You yelled at me for two fucking hours about how fucking awful i was.

“Youre a Rowan now, whatever the fuck that is”

IT MEANS COURAGE YOU FUCKING CUNT

Courage to face your fucking abuser and tell her to fuck the hell right the fuck off

When i came out to you do you know what the first things you fucking said to me were??

BECAUSE I FUCKING DO

They are burned into my fucking mind. They will probably never leave.

“First of all how dare you’ - HOW FUCKED UP IT THIS. i don't even have WORDS for how MASSIVELY FUCKED UP THIS IS. how dare I?? HOW FUCKING DARE I WHAT??? BE FUCKING HAPPY??? I THOUGHT YOU WANTED THAT, OH WAIT NO, YOU ONLY WANT HAPPINESS YOU APPROVE OF. LIFE SAVING HAPPINESS TO KEEP YOUR CHILD ALIVE??? CANT HAVE THAT. you fucking cunt

“I suppose i cant talk you out of it” - TALK ME OUT OF WHAT? BEING TRANSGENDER IS NOT A FUCKING CHOICE SO WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??? TALK ME OUT OF????FUCKING STAYING ALIVE AND HAPPY? YOU WOULD PREFER I DIED INSTEAD THEN YOU WOULDN'T BE INCONVENIENCED BY MY HAPPINESS

“I'm not going to hit you but I'm thinking about it” OH NEAT LETS TRY SAYING THIS ANOTHER WAY

“I want to assault this person because they have displeased me and I am a violent narcissist bigot”

YOU FUCKING PSYCHOPATH. HITTING YOUR CHILD, WHO CAME TO YOU DESPITE HOW AFRAID THEY WERE AND YOU FIRST THOUGHT IS TO FUCKING HIT THME FOR IT.

Your fucking insane and you need help.

In the time since ive come out never once. NOT FUCKING ONCE have you said “i love you” to me.

MARYLOU a fucking aunt I rarely see??? THOSE WERE THE FIRST FUCKING WORDS SHE SAID TO ME. THE FIRST FUCKING WORDS OUT OF HER MOUTH.

DANIELLE my fucking sister who also dont get to see that often

THE FIRST THINGS SHE SAID WAS THAT SHE LOVES ME AND SHE’S PROUD OF ME

BUT YOU, fucking YOU. love was the farthest thing from your fucking mind.

When I then came out to dad, which by the way, DISPROVES YOUR FUCKING NARRATIVE THAT YOU WERE THE LAST TO FIND OUT. you fucking said of me “where did i go wrong”

BITCH YOU FUCKING WENT WRONG WHEN YOU DECIDED TO NOT LOVE YOUR CHILDREN.

This house hasn’t been a home for me since it was built.

This house is your house. It’s always been your house. You make sure everyone fucking knows that.

And believe me we DO know that.

And its taken me a long fucking time to get my brain to accept that i dont fucking need you

I dont need your negativity

I dont need your hate

I dont need your passive aggressive bullshit

I dont need to feel like i should have to hide in my own home

I dont need to feel like im not safe

I dont need to feel guilty for being FINALLY who I am, who I always was

What I DO need?

Is a place that respects me

A place I feel safe

A place I don’t feel judged the moment I walk into the room

A place where I can surround myself with people who are happy i chose not to kill myself

A place where I can breathe

A place where I DONT have to cry myself to sleep

And that place?

That place isn’t here.

That place is not YOUR house

That place is not ANYWHERE near you

So I’m leaving. I choose life. I choose to live. I choose to be happy.

Fuck you Janet. Fuck you straight to a lonely hell.

I have the fools hope that maybe you’ll fucking read this and maybe just maybe something inside that wicked shell of yours realizes what shes done. It fucking wont, cause in Janets fucking world everyone is out to get her and she can do no wrong.

But if by some fucking MIRACLE that does happen and you wanna talk to me? You want to APOLOGIZE to me?? Maybe, FUCKING MAYBE I’ll talk.

But you WILL call me Jessica

Or you won’t call me at all.

Signed in outrage by your youngest DAUGHTER,

Jessica Rowan

#transgender #transitioning #transwomen #transphobes #transphobia #bigotry #lgbtq #lgbtq+#outrage #emotional abuse #catharsis

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colorfulsuitdestiny-blog · 7 years ago

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Anyone know of an insurance company that can give really cheap quotes for teenagers. UK Based

What is the cheapest Insurance available for a 21 year old?

I've been looking at cars and quotes for about a month now, and I can find nothing affordable, so I thought I'd ask on this website and see if there is anyone who has had the same situation and found a solution. I'm 20 years old, turning 21 in September and I have not drove since I passed my test 2 years ago. I have never owned a car or been a second driver on anyone's policy. Insurance is ridiculously high, so I was wondering if anyone in the same situation knows a cheap insurance company. I'm also okay with being a second driver on my parents policy, although this is still usually to expensive. Thanks!""

How much is car insurance?

on average how much is car insurance for a female aged 17?

Average insurance rate for a 2002 MR2 Toyota Spyder for a 21 year old?

What do you think will be the average rate and how does this compare to insurance rates of a normal car like a Toyota Corolla and sports cars like a Mustang?

Help deciding which sporty car or convertible?

I want a convertible or sporty car and am on a budget of $20,000. so I've got a few options that I have been considering. New Mazda Miata-I have heard great things about Miatas, the one thing I'm worried about is it maybe feeling a bit underpowered, although I am coming from a 2008 Honda civic sedan. how do those compare? Used Porsche Boxster-this would solve the potential underpowered problem of the miata, however I have heard a mixed bag of responses regarding the reliability of these, and I know that any repairs that are needed will be absurdly expensive. Used Honda S2000-this car seems great, the things that worry me are possibly a lack of low end torque, and I have never driven a manual before, and the other options can be found as automatics. Volkswagen GTI or Golf TDI-these seem like excellent cars, but the one downside is the lack of convertible top-I really like that open road feeling Mini Cooper S-This is sporty and can be a convertible, but I've heard bad things regarding reliability and parts/maintenance costs, also the interior seems to be disliked by alot of people. other pertinent info- I live in the Sacramento area, so weather problems shouldn't be as significant. How do the insurance costs compare of these 3? I'm 18 but have a clean driving record, good grades, etc Does anyone know how the fuel economy of these cars compare from experience? I know the EPA estimates, but real world mileage is different, especially because I'm an enthusiastic driver (I only get about 26mpg in my civic) One of the main things I want to know is how these will drive compared to each other and my current civic. Anyone with experience with multiple of these cars? any help or advice would be appreciated!""

Car Insurance - Do I have to pay it all at once?

It's that time...I'm looking at cars. But as a student, I'm trying to keep costs low because currently I don't have tons of money. What I'm wondering is, for the car insurance, do I have to pay it all at one time or could I pay it in monthly installments?""

How much would insurence cost for a small car detailing business?

i have 2 do a project for school about creating our own business and i need 2 know how much insurance would cost for my car detailing business.

""Does anyone know of an auto insurance provider that does not require a credit check in Vancouver, WA?

I switched from Progressive to Allstate online about a month ago. I started the policy and paid the premium. Now I get a letter from Allstate saying they are unable to carry a policy for me due to my poor credit. I'm angry and totally disagree with my credit score having anything to do with my driving ability. I refuse to do business with any company that uses a credit score to determine auto insurance rates or availability.

A question about car insurance.?

Do you think the insurance would be cheaper on a 2010 Scion TC (its a coupe btw), or a 2006 Acura TL?""

Roughly how much of a fine would this be if stopped driving a car by a police officer?

1. No Inspection 2. No Insurance 3. No License Plate 4. No Registration 5. No License for driver. 6. Speeding 7. No Seat belt. I had to do this to take my car to the junk yard. Luckily I didn't get stopped. How much would that have cost me had I been stopped?

What is insurance groups?

ex:this car is insurance group 19. whats that mean? and which numbers are cheap ones?

""Got rear ended and no car insurance. will the at faults insurance contact me, or should i contact them?

i have no insurance. i got rear ended today and my car is trashed. will the guys insurance company contact me? should i go to the police station and get a copy of the drivers info and contact their insurance? i dont want medical comp. i just want my car fixed.

How can i get cheap auto insurance in texas being 20 years old?

im 20 years old and im finally getting my own truck but I don't really have a whole lot of money so I cant pay an outrageous price for auto insurance. liability is fine with me but what is the cheapest I can get.

What is the cheapest Insurance for a first time driver?

Does anyone know of any kind of affordable health insurance?

My husband works independantly and needs health insurance in the Atlanta area.

I have allstate full coverage insurance plan?

Would it cover the auto repair on my car? I curb checked bad and broke the plastic cover on the bottom that keeps water out and i bent something else under my car. Will this cover it,?""

How do I get affordable car insurance without my dad's involvement?

They say that first-time drivers get expensive rates for car insurance and that it can become affordable with a parent signing the application with his/her driver's license. Now my parents don't want to help me w/ the car insurance....how do I get affordable car insurance without their help?

Which car insurance is better GMAC or Allstate?

I currently have AAA insurance, but I don't like my agent, so I am switching. GMAC and Allstate both gave me good rates, so I am trying to decide between the two. Please let me know of your experience with either company. Thanks!""

Looking for an insurance that will take my pre existing condition?

Hi, I have a double ureter in my left kidney causing me infection 4 times a year, I've been having this for almost 13 years and is painful and I can't have a normal life. No insurance wants to take me because this pre existing condition and if they do my monthly payment is between $300 to $400 monthly because of my condition, I've already applied for Medi-cal and I wasnt elegible. I tried so many antibiotics and I want to start a treatment and without insurance it is impossible, could anybody tell me if there is a insurance that will accept me without paying so much. I live in Southern California. I want a normal life. Thanks.""

How do I calculate my monthly house insurance for my math project?

You will also have to purchase house insurance, which costs a yearly average of 0.3% of the purchase price of your home. Calculate your monthly house insurance. What should I add, divide, and/or mulitply? Thank you for your help!""

How much does medical marijuana cost? Does insurance cover it?

Does 2 Insurance Policies Affect Each Other?

I am going to be buying a car and the cheapest way of getting insurance is by naming my mum the named driver of the car and i was added on..but she is worried that if i crashed it would affect her no claims bonus on her other policy..would it?

""In the state of New Jersey,how long does it take to get caught driving with no car insurance?""

My insurance lapse a month ago today.I am waiting on my workers comp settlement from a job related injury.Is there a way that cops can detect that my insurance has lapsed other than an accident?I have and legit insurance card till June,and registration.Can they suspend my registration?if so is there a warning?I will try to stay off the road till next month but i need to make my Dr.appointments etc.""

Cheepest land rover defender insurance for young drivers?

Any ideas, companies past experience would be much appreciated""

""Sad Love Story, Car Insurance question for a 19 year old. Please Help. Will reward 10 points?""

I have been seeing this boy for a while now and I have completely fallen for him. My entire life fell apart in high school last year and he's the only thing that has gone right. He is the one person who makes my heart race all fast and stomach do flips with those butterflies. I'm absolutely crazy about him. I have my license but I'm just not ensured. My grandfather found a receipt I left by accident in the car and looked at the miles and I got the car taken away. I can't stop crying, if any of you are in love you know how I must feel. I can't stop crying. I know exactly how Juliet must have felt :'( Now on the the insurance question. My 70 year old grandfather won't let me drive anymore until I'm insured. He has esurance and I am 19 and want to get added onto it. Does anyone have any idea of the cost? It would help me out so much so I know how much I need to save. I guess till then I will have to take the bus to see him :( thank you! I will reward best answer.""

How much should I expect to get from my insurance company?

COBRA Health Insurance Florida?

Where can I find a cheaper health insurance plan to replace my COBRA health insurance offered by my former employer?

Will obstruction of plate show up on car insurance?

I got a ticket for obstruction of plate this morning and I was wondering whether this will show up as a record on the insurance. I would rather pay it off myself because I don't want my parents to find out. Also, will it increase the rates? I read somewhere that no proof of insurance can increase rates, but I got a ticket for that awhile ago, it didn't affect anything.""

Auto Insurance Help....?

I need insurance on my car, and i don't fully own it, my name is on the title and i finaced it so i have a lien on it....i'm only 20 so full coverage is pretty expensive! would it be possible for my dad to be able to add me to his policy?""

Getting private insurance?

my husband had blue cross blue shield insurance at his job and im halfway through a pregnancy but now we've lost it anyone know of any cheap but good insurance companies for a family ....growing

Does anybody know an affordable but good health insurance?

i just recently lost my insurance and was wondering if anybody knew of a cheap affordable but good health insurance plan???? please help!!!

How much will i pay per year in motorcycle insurance?

20 years old. No car drivers license, first time rider. planning to take the motorcycle safety foundation 3 day basic rider course. Live in new york city. Looking at a pre 2007 used honda rebel. not looking for an exact quote, just ballpark what i should be expecting.""

How much would insurance be for a BMW 3 series from 2001 with 150k miles?

My dad said he'd buy me a BMW if the insurance isn't considerably higher than my brothers, who drives a 2004 VW Golf. I'm a 16 year old male and will probably be driving within a year but I want to know whether the insurance would be considerably higher than a golf. We live in Dallas TX Thank You""

Cheap car insurance for 17 year old?

Where can I get car insurance for under 1000? Thanks x

""Cheap sports car, and to insure and run ?""

does anyone know a sports car in the uk thats cheap, maximum 1000 pounds, cheap to insure and fuel consumption is good ? thanks""

AAA vs. Farmers for home and auto insurance?

I'm looking to get a combined homeowners and auto insurance policy. Right now, the package that Farmers is offering based on my specs is 10% cheaper than AAA's. Any thoughts? Thanks!""

Has car insurance gone up in the past couple of months?

My partner has just been on 'compare the market' and found that to insure his fiat punto its going to cost him nearly 800 - 2 months ago when he looked he was getting quoted 400. Its nearly doubled in costs!!! What is all that about?

Is there any insurance company in california that will accept to give me coverage if i have PCOS?

I also need an insurance coverage for pregnancy as I am trying to conceive

How much would insurance be on a Pontiac Grand Prix GT or Grand AM GT for a 16 year old boy?

I'm getting my license soon and was wondering how much insurance rates would be for a 16 yr old boy with a Pontiac Grand Prix GT or Grand AM GT

Do i need to have a insurance to get my car inspection?

do i need to have a insurance to get my car inspection?

Does my mom need to add me to her car insurance?

So, I never got my permit. I have been waiting to turn 18. In the state of Florida. I do not need a permit 18 or over. My thing is . Her car insurance won't let me be on her insurance without a drivers permit or licence. I'm stuck now. I was wondering will the dmv require me to be on her insurance in order to take the drivers test ?""

When do I need to get insurance when purchasing a car?

I'm going shopping this weekend for a new(used) car. I have current insurance on my car right now. If I end up getting a car this weekend can I wait until Monday to get insurance, or do I have to do it that day? I'm in California by the way. I asked the loan officer and she said something about me having 10 days to get it, but I've been reading otherwise. Thanks!""

What is the best and cheap health insurance?

I came form a different country so i dont have any insurance when i came to california. What is the best that i dont have to pay anything when emergency and cheap like $30 per month.

Wells Fargo bought insurance for my truck?

Wells Fargo never received notification of insurance for my truck and ended up buying coverage for me (as there is an obligation to have full coverage). All I have to do is let them know about my current coverage and the policy they bought will be dropped. The insurance they bought for me, however, is cheaper than the insurance I have bought through the other insurance company. Can I just keep the insurance Wells Fargo bought for me? Is there a penalty for doing so?""

How much would car insurance be monthly?

i turned 16 yesterday and will be getting my license and car in october. im applying for jobs tomorrow and im trying to see how much car insurance will be monthly. my car will be used, probably like a toyota corolla or something similar. i get a's and b's, what should i expect my car insurance to be monthly?""

Porsche boxster insurance?

I just got a quote online with my moms insurance for my new porsche boxster. It says $2789 a year. If i say my mom is the first and im the secondary driver since im 16 and insurance would be over $6000 a year. I live in a small town in Ontario.

""I am moving from NJ to FL, what steps do i take to get florida plates, insurance, and registration?

I have a 2010 Hyundai Elantra. Which do i do first? What are the fees for each?

Why are so many insurance companies hiring agents?

Is it because of the government trying to force coverage on people?

If my wife buys a car will my current insurance increase?

My wife is going to buy a car to learn in and use to get used to driving after passing her test. I am insured on my car and she is a named driver. If she gets a car and is insured as the main driver in it when I tell my insurance about her car how will my insurance be affected? Her insurance will probably be with a different company.

Is medicaid good insurance?

Im pregnant, nn I'm currently unemployed, without health insurance, and I was just wondering if medicaid ia good insurance?""

Are there any affordable insurance companies out there for carpenters?

i need to obtain general liability and workers comp. to start my business. looking for affordable insurance in louisiana, (preferrably in baton rouge).""

How much should I expect to get from my insurance company?

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/how-much-can-i-expect-car-insurance-cost-am-female-have-dolores-ahner"

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