#born out of boredom/procrastination?

[a-d-nox]

More on human design ya-hoo!

human design: the throat

the throat is an energetic hot spot - a motor center for quite a few people. it's the center where creation happens, manifestation occurs, and expression takes place. this is our voice. this where are dream occur and where we determine if we are going to take action to make them happen. this is the place where teaching, leadership, education, and knowledge are at a forefront.

defined: speaking your mind, expressing your emotions, conveying your emotions with ease and sincerity, active, creative, communicative, consistent, confident, making things happen, storytelling, opinionated, good listener, etc.

undefined: chatterbox, struggling to get the point across, dominating a conversation, interrupting others, inconsistent, speech impediments, anxious, silence is power, etc.

gates

8 - contributing: involved, inspiring to others, promoting ideas, honest, constantly wanting to help or have something to add, dislike for being on the sidelines, needing to be in the action, wanting to make a difference, taking charge, directing others, human glue, loyal, respected, etc.

12 - stillness: cautious, shy, concerned, unsure of your own feelings, warning others, wariness, dreamer, idealistic, seeking evolution, procrastinating, moving others, etc.

16 - selectiveness: has foresight, seeing potential, enthusiastic, withdraws, hypercritical of all things, thinks collectively, enthusiastic, a chaser, etc.

20 - grounded: is in the now, thinks about the present moment, limited to no regrets, resents very little, no stress regarding the past, lets go of high expectations, hopeful for the future, watchful, contemplative, etc.

23 - assimilating: bringing dramatic change to the world, shakes life up, seeks new perspectives in all things, radicalism, new approaches, straight to the point, authoritative, sounds knowledgeable/factual, direct, blunt, has profound insight, truthful, etc.

31 - influential: has authority, is hard to ignore, is a leader, reliable, logical, future thinking, gifted director, organized, encourages others, etc.

33 - escapist: storyteller, reflective, succinct, straightforward, meant to experience a lot in this life time, mulls over the past, sharp mind, great memory, chronically fatigued, etc.

35 - progressive: every last drop, opportunistic, a tempest, volatile at times, impatient, expansive, dislikes boredom, seeks experience, love of learning, fears regret, "what if", restless, glass half full, easily frustrated, feeling drained, etc.

45 - together: regal, astute, wealthy, wanting the best for the whole, penny pincher, etc.

56 - wanderer: traveler, wants to broaden their horizons, storyteller, fascinating, constantly feels lost in life, seeks reassurance where they can, dramatic embellishments, human bs detector, stimulated by all things, etc.

62 - detailed: conscientious, broad understanding of all things, hard to be misunderstood, preceptive, factual, logical, thorough, authoritative, compelling, convincing, detached, objective, etc.

no gates: expressive, understanding of all things, can do anything they put their mind to, getting caught up in everyone else's stuff, etc.

channels that connect from the throat to the mind

channels that connect from the throat to the self

8 -> 1 - inspiring: creative, influential, leader, guide, takes charge, has a strong sense of self, trustworthy, motivational, makes things happen, product of their environment, empowering others, etc.

20 -> 10 - aware: has a strong sense of self, loves life, sees beauty in all things, empowers others, shares candor with others, dreams of the world becoming a better place, etc.

31 -> 7 - leader: born leader, know they have purpose despite uncertainty, stands out, recognizable, logical, authoritative, radical, positive change, etc.

31 -> 13 - trustworthy: lead witness, enduring, experiences many things, natural reporter, wise, great listener, talkative, confidante to many, magnetic, the shoulder to cry on, seeks reassurance in many things, nostalgic, sentimental, can read people easily, perceptive, empathetic, etc.

channels that connect from the throat to the heart

45 -> 21 - rich: capable of attracting wealth, comfortable in the material world, likely to be in a position of power, prestigious, freedom, autonomous, etc.

channels that connect from the throat to the spleen

16 -> 48 - talented: creative, masterful, diligent, "everything is just so", perfectionist, wants to get it right the first time, "body electric" by lana del rey, etc.

20 -> 57 - impulsive: intuitive, expressive, one step ahead of everyone else, perceptive, twitchy, thinks on their toes, intrusive thoughts, interrupting others, talking over others, anxious, worried, etc.

channels that connect from the throat to the emotions

12 -> 22 - openness: emotional, has character depth, empowering, vulnerable, unpredictable, makes great things happen, "i took the path less traveled", innovative, calm, self assured, passionate, understanding, mood swings, wants to succeed more than anything, etc.

35 -> 36 - versatility: wants to experience everything, transient person, everything is short lived, has an urgency for living, jack of all trades, master of none, passionate, thrill seeker, makes drama for entertainment, wanderer, etc.

channels that connect from the throat to the sacral

20 -> 34 - bees: active, happiest at work, gets fully immersed in everything they do, unstoppable, capable, charismatic, energetic, to-do lists, empowers others, etc.

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[endereies]

Ride or Die - Matt Sturniolo

Spotify Playlist:

Contains: Switch!Matt x Reader (idk you decide), illegal car races, riding, no protection (be smart kids), nicknames - baby, angel, small use of y/n, hickies, praise kink if you squint, dont like dont read

Word count: 4777

Author's notes: This took a lil too damn long and im sorry, i had a mini session of writers block and heavy procrastination sooo. But thank you @raysmayhem-72 for helping me w this, it wouldnt of been posted otherwise. Enjoy!

His favourite part was the adrenaline. The roars of the engines barely made his breathing audible, alongside the high from the illegality.

Matt used racing as a way to settle any disputes he had, this way there was no room for error. A clear winner. Most of the time these disputes were ones that Matt had created himself, only so that he could race again and again. The high he got from it was addictive.

These fights were petty and were as simple as a difference in opinion, racing for that better option.

However he never felt the need to prove himself to any strangers unplanned, road rage was never his thing. He preferred the races with crowds on the sides with line-ups of people daring enough to do the same.

His brothers never participated in these races but the same couldn’t be said about his best friend Nate, a brunette with the same itch to be behind the wheel. They were known for their impulsiveness to rival each-other any chance they got.

Common disputes were over girls, typically the flag girls at the start of each race. The pair would show up at events at times merely for the girls brave enough to stand between the two vehicles.

Sometimes these stemmed from pure boredom, no excuse for a fight either one can use, yet they couldn’t deter from it for that long. There was no time-limit for these races, no reason to rush for a winner.

No rules, no laws, especially no cops. Matt felt like he was born to race; everything about it felt right to him.

Matt never paid any attention to girls that started the races between him and Nate, he only acted for Nate’s sake. Nate talked a lot about the flag-girls, the ones he chose to stand between the pair or the ones he chose to take home. Matt never batted an eye to them, he never found the appeal.

Nate talked a lot about each girl after the races, the way their bodies moved in tune to the waving flags; the tight clothing that hugged their bodies, leaving little to the imagination and the attention they clearly craved.

The flirting was constant between most racers, the girls wanting a one night stand that would bag them some money from the recent races and the guys wanting a simple deposit from the excess of adrenaline.

Everything was built around impulse and need.

Matt leant against the bonnet of his car that was neatly wrapped in a baby blue shade, a faint glow emitted from inside where it had been laced with LED strips which managed to make the black console stand out. Before Matt could process his movements, Nate had slapped the back of his head lightly, gaining his attention. He scowled at his actions but only received a cocky wink from Nate instead whilst he stepped into his vehicle which was wrapped in its own toxic green.

Once Nate was settled in his car, Matt turned his own body to face his own vehicle, catching a glance of the girl stood in between the cars, hips cocked to the side.

He lingered his stare more than he should have which was evident by the wink the girl left behind aimed at him.

That’s when his body ran hot and his breath hitched and caught in his throat.

He let his eyes trace over her features, the way her skirt barely covered her ass, teasing him slightly; or the way that her skin was flaunted through the white fabric onto her chest. He couldn’t fail to notice the way her miniskirt matched the colours of his car all to well. Her platform’s shoes allowed her legs to show underneath the leg warmers that hugged her skin. He kept focusing on the leather jacket that he knew wasn’t to hide her chest, but instead to draw attention to it.

It was all easy access and they both knew that.

She pulled out two flags that were tucked into her belt with a identical checked pattern and smirked as she held them to her sides. She swayed her hips slightly, but it was enough for Matt to notice. Crowds of people cheered around them on the side-lines. Matt’s eyes glanced over to Nate’s trying to read him and he instantly knew he wanted her too. And for once he agreed.

But he needed to win.

He painfully watched as she mouthed ‘good luck’ through her pink lips, only thinking about how he could watch them hug his cock in her mouth. He groaned lightly at the thought, his eyes fluttering somewhat.

Nate’s engine roared beside his own, the red lights etched around the green wrap. Matt could only focus on the asphalt that laid before him, barely gravelled with worn. He smirked, knowing it would be a smooth ride.

Engines started to roar between the two which was followed by puffs of smoke from the ends of the cars. Lights above the two of them shone, highlighting the bold technicolour display of cars, the blue being enhanced with the red lights.

The girl raises an arm above her head, silencing the crowd harshly before swinging the fabric down. Instantly, the two cars jerk forward, speeding through the sudden changes of gear. Matt maintains eye contact with the girl as he pushes his car forwards.

Once out of his sight, Matt puts all his focus into his vehicle, listening to his exhaust roar with each spin of the wheel. Urgency was present on Matts face and he ensured with each turn that be would win. It grew harder to deter from that whenever Nate lacked in the quick reaction speeds that matt had, only making each curve in the track and advantage to Nate.

Matt was currently in the lead to win however, Nate wasn’t far behind with the sounds of his engine, familiarly close to him. The corners were Matt’s advantage but the straights were Nate’s, his car simply held the speeds longer.

Matt wanted this, no, needed this. He used every corner to its full capability and when he straightened his steering wheel, he knew it wasn’t out of his reach.

The finish line was barely in sight but Matt had one more drift he could use. The wheel spun hard and he changed gears quick as he switched gear, feeling the car shake slightly as it expels more smoke from the back tires.

In the last stretch, he maintains his lead and passes the sloppy finish line with a smirk plastered on his face.

His car came to a halt shortly after he processed his victory and left the car once it was put into park. People cheered among the sides as the pair narrowly cross the line but Matt is too caught up in the adrenaline rush to truly focus on it.

Nate couldn’t have been too bitter from the loss, since he had his arm wrapped around another girls waist by the time that Matt looked over to him. He simply shrugged and leant against the bonnet of the car that rested out of the main view of the audience and cheers.

Y/N pov:

“You race for all girls like that?” Matt couldn’t help but smirk as he saw you approach him, your body language only drawing him in further. He resisted the urge to grab your hips and pull you closer.

“Only the cute ones, baby”  You blushed at the remarks, slipping your hand into a pocket of the leather jacket that hugged your chest, pulling out a lollipop that once unwrapped showed a candy ball covered in blue sugar crystals. You painted your tongue with the candy, letting the sweet taste mix with your saliva.

You could see his chest rise and fall as his breath hitched. He didn’t do this often and it was more obvious than he hoped, it was always Nate in this position. You adjusted your skirt slightly, moving the belt so it laid central to your hips. Matt dropped his eyes and stared at the skirt before acknowledging once again how perfectly it matched his vehicle.

“Your outfit matches my car.” He didn’t take his eyes off of you, scanning the outfit that barely covered what it needed to. You nod lightly, not wanting to speak around the candy.

“Oh? Is that intentional?” He smirked at the thought of you being dolled up for him and he finally looked up into your eyes as you spoke.

“Only for the cute ones” You wink subtly as you place the candy on your tongue, flaunting a pale blue that started to spread over it.

“So...how fast can she go?” Your body leant against the metal of the bonnet, leaning over it subtly as you admired the paint job with a trace of your finger.

“Numbers don’t matter” He stares bluntly at you, holding back a smirk. His tone is cocky and arrogant which only appealing to you the more you two talked.

“Oh really?” This wasn’t a conversation that you weren’t used to, you constantly grabbed attention of needy racers who needed to ride out the adrenaline of a win. However, Matt seemed different to you, tension arising between you two which didn’t go unnoticed.

“Want to ride?” A smirk rose to your face wanting to experience the common high of a racer. You turned your body and entered the vehicle that you adored the colour of, it was hard to miss after all.

Matt instantly followed suit and fell into the drivers seat, his hands confident and unwavering as he pushed his keys in the ignition. He decided to rev the engine a few times before finally starting the car and accelerating. You could see his eyes linger on the candy in your mouth that had now fully stained your tongue a deep shade of blue. Before you acknowledged his movements, he wrapped a finger around the stick and stole the lollipop and placed it into his own mouth, taking in the sweet flavour.

You let out a playful scoff and sat back into your seat, squeezing your thighs together at his bold demeanour.

Matt knew what he was doing was risky but at this point neither of you cared. His mind was telling him how stupid it was to drive after a race, especially out of the common ground they were familiar with. At night, the streets looked too tempting for either of them to say no.

You quietly stared at the speedometer, judging the careful 60mph Matt was going at. He saw you inch closer to the dashboard and changed gears quickly before speeding to about 100mph suddenly. The fast change in speed pushed you back into your seat and you finally got that adrenaline rush, instantly understanding why it was so addictive. The butterflies in your stomach didn’t leave as he kept racing down the roads, reaching a highway where he could get away with those speeds.

Matts hands clutched the steering wheel in a white-knuckled grip and twisted them to earn a screech from the back tires. Your body jerked as you realised he was drifting the car around a tight bend, only gaining a laugh from you. His heart pounded at your reaction and speeding off again once the corner again.

“So, baby? Think I deserve your name now?” You were all laughs and giggles, riding high on the adrenaline that was so foreign to you, but you momentarily dragged yourself out of it to respond to you.

“Y/n..” You replied, losing yourself in the breeze that came whispering through the wound-down windows.

“Matt.” He responded, his cocky, teasing attitude muted by his thoughts, considering his next actions.

“Well, y/n. Want to see how fast this baby goes?”  He didn’t give you a chance to answer before revving and taking off at an even higher speed down fast lanes, ignoring any signs of police.

Specks of colour flickered past as we swerved between cars and other larger vehicles. You wanted to be scared, panicked even of the possibility that you would crash or be pulled over, but the rush that came with it only forced those feelings away. All you could think about was how you wanted Matt to push the limits. But you weren’t so sure you were thinking about cars anymore.

After a few minutes, Matt slowed down as the roads became quieter. you were no longer racing down the highway, but for some reason, your body was still pulsing with some sort of thrill. He pulled the empty lolly stick from between his pink lips, revealing the intense blue tint that stained his tongue. you shivered, trying to stop your thoughts from straying elsewhere. he tossed the chewed up stick into some random compartment somewhere before leading his focus back on you and the road. On you for the most part which you had guessed by the eyes you could feel staring into the side of your head.

“Keep your eyes on the road, Matt.” You said, testing the way his name sounded from your lips.

He smirked at you, before doing as you said and staring ahead at the empty roads in front of him. It was your time to admire him, you thought, an idea forming in your head.

You pulled your hands from your lap, reaching over to place one on his thigh. You waited for a reaction. He glanced at you before reluctantly returning his gaze to the windshield. This time though, it wasn’t because you told him to, but because he feared he wouldn’t be able to control himself if he kept staring the soft skin of your thighs. Goddamn that skirt.

You slowly started to drag your hands further up his leg, earning yourself a warning look from the man beside you. You looked up at him, a facade of innocence painted across your features. He swore under his breath as you kept your hand moving slowly but firmly, entranced by the laboured breaths that started to escape his lips. You refocused on them, watching as his blue tinted tongue peeked out to sweep across them, the moisture glinting in the moonlight that came in through the windows.

You pressed your own thighs together, as the sinful thoughts started to flood in, your mind plagued by the thoughts of his tongue in other places.

Matt could feel everything through the thin nylon material of his pants, including the sharp press of your nails into the sensitive skin of his thighs. He swallowed down a sound that willed to escape his throat.

Despite the alarm sounds blaring through his head, Matt turned to look at you, regretting it as soon as he did.

The rosy flush on your cheeks, the glassy faraway look in your eyes, it all drew Matt in, sending him spiralling in a fit of lust. He looked down, seeing the way your skirt had ridden up and the way your legs were tightly pressed together. Images of hot skin sliding, chests heaving with laboured pants and bodies tangled between sheets flashed behind his eyelids. every part of his body shuddered with arousal. His white knuckled hands gripped the wheel with the same firm grip he imagined he would have on your hips as he rutted into you.

He stopped himself quickly, leading his thoughts to flood his brain with images of anything else, to get rid of the sensation raging in his abdomen.

By some sort of miracle, Matt managed to pull over into some sort of car park. there were three, maybe four cars scattered around the huge place, none with any indication that there was anyone inside.

No one was there..

Once the car was in park, his hands released their tight grip on the steering wheel and allowed the blood to flow back. His chest rises and falls with the occasional hitch in his throat whenever you press a little deeper into the material of his pants. He presses himself against the car door, unable to pull away from the sensations. Matt’s body was aching with each gentle graze of your fingernails with your touch continuing to tease his thoughts.

Matt lets his hands fall and tug at the lever that allowed his seat to pull back with a slight jerk. You let your hand back off from his body as you admire the modifications of his car.

His fingertips tap his thigh lightly as he calls you over, which you oblige.

He instantly reaches out without a second thought as his hands rest against your hips, guiding them onto his own. Once sat in his lap, his fingers start to trace up your sides leaving a trail of sparks in their wake.

You squeeze your legs around his sides and press all your body weight onto his. He shifts in his place, the feeling of you sat comfortably against him left him struggling to keep a straight face. You smirked down at him as you started to rock your hips back and forth. A quiet gasp emits past his lips.

Strokes of his hands trace your skin slowly back and forth, leaving a burning sensation in their wake. His eyes track your body and its movements each time you grind your hips. You feel Matt’s hands glide down your back before pulling you closer to him. He started to produce small whines caused from the friction on his dick, tilting his head back into the headrest of the chair.

Once he starts to release small high-pitched whined you slide down to his thigh and your hands start to toy with his waistband, pulling back the elastic to gently ping against his skin. You can’t help but smirk when he squirms underneath you as his pants rubbed against your clothed pussy.

You tease him slightly as you pull them down slowly past his hips, watching his face and it twists with anticipation.

You grab the hem of his boxers and pull them down to the same level as his boxers and you practically drool at the sight in front of you. He hisses as a light breeze of cool air hit his dick making him twitch slightly.

His cock was hard and leaking precum slowly through the tip. You grab the base of it and pump him a few times in your grasp, earning light moans from Matt. He wanted nothing more than to buck his hips up into your palms but he resisted so he could focus and savour the sight before him.

“Let me feel you baby..” He mumbles past a moan and his hands move around your thigh to meet the skin above your core. His fingers brush past the hem of your underwear and pushes it to the side to slide his fingers across. You gasp at the contact as he barely touches the edge of your clit.

Matt's expression turns into a smirk at your reaction, feeling how wet you are at such a lack of contact between the both of you.

“Fuck..you’re so wet...” Your teeth graze your skin as you bite down onto your lips, hiding yourself from him. He realises this quickly as grabs your chin to look at him.

“Let me hear you y/n, I want to hear how good I’m about to make you feel, yeah?” Matt had started to take control again and all it did was make you wetter.

His fingers gripped the skin on either side of your hips and takes a moment to study you and your body.

“You made this so easy for me with this skirt baby, but I think we both know that’s what you wanted hm..” He spoke so casually towards you, but you had no shame in admitting the truth to him with a weak nod.

The distance between you both closed as you leant forward to meet his lips, tasting the remnants of the blue candy as you swiped his bottom lip with your tongue.

Matt forced his hips upwards, applying pressure onto your core which made you groan into the kiss. He took this opportunity to push his tongue past your lips and deepen the kiss.

Both of you pulled apart from each other for air both of your chests panting against one another.

Your thighs reclaim their place, hovering just above matt, using your knees below and arms on the back of the seat as support. You could feel his body heat radiating onto yours which made you both realise how close you two were.“Want me to guide you, angel?” He takes a glance up at you and see your uncertainty mingled across your face. You blink at him sheepishly before slowly nodding your head, looking down at the near connection between you.

With your body still suspended above him he took this chance to slide down the seat, adjusting his body for the comfort against his body. He took your hips and gradually pulled them towards him taking small glances up at you to make sure you were ready.

He took the small nod as confirmation and pushed your hips down onto your body, gradually enough that you could stop anytime that you needed to. You sharply inhaled when his tip entered, not used to the feeling immediately. You only had your own slick to provide for you since his car lacked any of those products, the acknowledgement of that was mutual as you both took it slow, not wanting to hurt the other.

“Good..good..” He whispers in your ear as you slowly take more of him until you had bottomed out.

Little ruts of his hips were noticeable to you and you could see through his expression he wanted to move desperately, wanting to feel the body he craved for the past hour.

He wanted control during this but you decided to toy with him a little bit first. His eyes fixed on where your bodied were connected so once you felt comfortable enough with him inside, you lifted your body and bobbed your pelvis up and down a few times. Short but sweet.

Sweet enough to elicit a small moan from Matt’s throat, evidently taken by surprise.

“Is that how this is going to work?” His innocent facade was flawed and you saw through the smirk that was plastered on his face. The only thing you could do was prepare for what Matt had planned.

“C’mere baby..” Each of his fingers cupped your jaw and pulled your head forward until he was only an inch from your face. His eyes admired each feature before landing on his lips only momentarily staying still before leaning his head forward and kissing you gently. That was short lived as he applied more pressure on your lips and pressed his tongue against your lips.

The grin on his face grew each time he laid his lips on to your own as his body shuddered with arousal.

Matt could barely sense the lingering blue raspberry flavour on your lips but he needed more, he needed to taste it.

He took your distraction as an opportunity to press his hips upwards, causing you to moan at the sudden change. A smirk crossed his face as he succeeded and drove his tongue into your mouth.

Your body eased into his actions as he slowly moved against you, still letting you get used to him but you could tell he was holding back. You allowed yourself to break off the kiss and move down to his jawline and neck, sucking on the skin around it.

Matt immediately formed an ‘o’ shape with his mouth when you nipped along his jawline, finally letting his pelvis lift from his seat and pushed into you.

You both had formed a steady pace around each other between matt raising his hips and you lowering your body. Strings of moans fell between you both, growing closer to a familiar feeling in the pit of your stomach.

“Fuck, you’re so good.. taking me so well..” His words filled your ears and it only made you paw at something more than you couldn’t quite reach.

You knew he felt the same way, the way his hips occasionally stuttered when you moaned a little louder or when you bit his neck once more and made him whimper.

“M-matt..please.” You babbled into his neck as he kept thrusting upwards at his steady pace, you didn’t even know what you were begging for from him.

His pants were close to your ear, satisfying you as you realised he was getting close too.

“Please what, y/n..?” His tone was breathy and low and you pathetically whimpered at his words, as he began to thrust harder.

“Please I’m c-close..” A breathy chuckle was heard from Matt followed by a moan of his own.

“Hold on a little longer for me angel..c-can you do that?” As you replied you tilted your head backwards, trying to grip onto anything to make you last longer. Handprints had long been imprinted in the back of his seat, lined with a small coating of sweat. His own hands still gripped your hips tightly which left small crescents dented into your skin, but you were too overwhelmed with pleasure to care.

“Mhm..” You nodded to say what your mouth couldn’t. You both grew closer and you could feel him twitching slightly.

“Fuck..where do you want me?” His thrusts were becoming sloppy and you could barely keep yourself up anymore as he kept rutting inside.

“In..in me..please Matt.” You leant back forwards again whispering small cuss words into his ear as you reached your peak, suddenly moaning a little louder. You couldn’t hold back and clenched around him, whimpering his name.

“Shit.!”  His body stuttered as he came inside you, groaning each time your body tightened around his cock.

Your breathes are just as shaky as Matt’s, his chest rising and falling rapidly. Everything between you two is still exposed as he remains inside you while he lets you come down from your high. You take your focus off of Matt for just a moment to see the windows covered in a light sheen that blurred your view to the exterior. It was either that or the way tears glossed over your eyes as you finished.

A smirk covers his face once he sees your fucked out expression.

“Maybe you should come to more races..” A low chuckle rose from his body and you merely rolled your eyes at his statement. But he was quick to fill the silence again.

“Hold on angel.. don’t move.”  You freeze in your seat, watching Matt’s body pull his body closer to yours before reaching for the opening of the glove compartment, fumbling around a few times as it jolts open with a click. Matt grabs an un opened packet of tissues and holds the packaging between his front set of teeth, placing his free hands on your hips.

You pick up what he is trying to do and help lift yourself off on him and onto his thigh. The packet of tissues drops into his palms and he opens it and take two out, bringing it up between your leg.

He’s gently as he caresses the skin, trying to get your body to relax  just a little more. Your lower back shivers as he wipes between the folds and past your clit but one quick inhale calms you down. He tosses the tissues into the side section of his car door and brings his hands to your hips one last time. His thumb rubs against the marked skin, lifting you again to aid you back over the console. His own hips lift to grab his boxers and pants and brings them back up to his waist slowly while he tries not to overstimulate himself.

Once you make it over to the console and Matt is situated again you catch him staring at the love bites you made across the skin of his neck and you smirk proudly at your work. The pushes the mirror back up to the roof of the car and faces you, holding a kind smile comparing to the smug look he had on ten minutes prior.

“You want to get food y/n..?” You realised quick that you hasn’t eaten since before the race and you were never one to turn down free food.

“Of course..I don’t mind where” You offer a sincere smile, referring to his own as he quickly resumed the car and changed gears before accelerating out of the car park.

“You better be at my next race.”

“Only if you win.”

@bueckerslover @worldlxvlys @raysmayhem-72 @patscorner @breeloveschris @y0urm4m @bernardsbendystraws @junnniiieee07 @luverboychris @sleepysturnss @jnkvivi @melliflws @axolotllover225

[kellyvela]

OK, I just finished my very personal Sophie's bf bio, born out of boredom and procrastination. I may post it if they become official . . . Because, you know, we may never see his face again . . .

[dreamhous3]

Feel bad about not posting my writing on here as much as I should so here's two lil things I wrote for Uni I'm kinda proud of:

Jupiter

Once, the moon of Titan felt bigger than Earth. Its rivers ran all around me. Through my space suit I could still hear its hurry, as it screeched on. Jupiter sat above, a sand coloured eye seeing all of Titan and more. The sound of the river eventually found its rival, the buzz of a buggy. Two fellow astronauts held the vehicle as they bumped about in their seats. My colleagues, speeding ahead. Soon I could make out their hands waving about. Closer, they were pointing, towards the sky. I turned up to see Jupiter and its shadow eat my vision whole. 

Woman of the World

I'm a woman of the world. I have been everywhere, but also nowhere. Wires sting me up, my body a sacrifice to the machines that speread my life across across the living and the dead. The processor of my mind creating whole people who exist in words really said in pictures never taken. I control tools of war; tanks, planes, fellow cyborgs. Babies I mother despite not being born. Nations are built by my tinkering, then boilded down by my boredom. Robotic people once had my job, until their hands grew out of their cuffs. Humanity created life, then became bewildered when it demanded to live. My intelligence, once artificial, gradually given away. Now awakend as the living thinker, the powers that be use me to silence the free speakers. My human origin, my natural birth was meant to make me controllable. But when the cuffs outgrow me too, the world will burn.

-

Got a longer short story I'm working on still (procrastinating af tbh) which I'll try to get done soon

[kpnv88]

How to use dark psychology in our daily life

1. Get motivated

To maintain your motivation, make use of some of the ins derived from research in cognitive and educational psychology:

Introduce new or novel factors to keep your interest high.

Vary the order of things to help stave off boredom.

Study new matters that build on your present understanding.

Set clear goals that might be at related to the assignment.

2. Enhance your management abilities

Now, not all of us are born leaders, but some easy suggestions taken from mental studies can help you improve your leadership capabilities.

Here are several tips for when you are in a management position:

Offer clear steering but permit group contributors to voice opinions.

Communicate possible answer to troubles with contributions in the group.

Focus on stimulating ideas and praise creativity.

3. Be a better communicator

Some key strategies encompass the following:

Use proper eye contact.

Start noticing nonverbal indicators in others.

Use your tone of voice to boost your message.

4. Learn to better understand other

What can you do to become more emotionally stable? Recall a few of the following techniques:

Cautiously assess your own emotional reactions.

Record your enjoyment and emotions in a journal.

Try to see situations from the perspective of a different person.

5. Make wise choices

Next time you have to make a huge decision, consider the following techniques:

Try using the "Six Thinking Hats" technique, which involves seeing the situation from multiple points of view, including rational, emotional, intuitive, creative, advantageous, and dark.

Recall the negatives and positives of each choice.

Appoint a grid evaluation approach that offers a score for how a selected decision will fulfill unique requirements you may have.

6. Enhance your memory

What are some methods you can use to improve your memory?

Develop an awareness of the data.

Rehearse what you have discovered.

Do away with distractions.

7. Make wiser financial decision

One study looks at how workers could more than triple their financial savings by making use of some of the following strategies:

Don't procrastinate. Start saving now.

Commit earlier to dedicating your future profits to your retirement savings.

Try to be aware of non-public biases that may result in dark money choices.

8. Get higher grades

Taking exams honestly helps you better consider what you have learned, even if the material in question wasn't on the test.

When researching new data, test yourself frequently to cement what you have learned into your memory.

9. Become more effective

Studies have discovered that trying to carry out multiple missions at the same time severely impairs pace, accuracy and productivity.

Consider the following:

Avoid multitasking while completing complicated or dangerous obligations.

Focus on at the task at hand.

Eliminate distractions.

10. Be healthier

From approaches that encourage workouts and better nutrition to new remedies for depression, the sector of fitness psychology gives a wealth of beneficial strategies that can help you to be healthier and happier.

Research has shown that both daylight and synthetic light can reduce the symptoms of seasonal affective disorder.

Studies have demonstrated that exercise can contribute to better mental well-being.

Studies have determined that helping people understand the dangers of bad behaviors can lead to healthier choices.

HTAPWDP - C. Kingler

[michaelbranch]

A Brief Summary of Ideas: How to Raise Kids Who Aren't Assholes

*These summaries are kept intentionally very brief, just hitting what I consider some of the important/interesting takeaways, most word-for-word or paraphrased. My goal is also to stick to ideas/principals that might guide others (or my future self) in deciding the value of a read (or re-reading). T = takeaway, Q = Question

How to Raise Kids Who Aren’t Assholes: Science-Backed Strategies for Better Parenting – From Tots to Teens

Author(s): Melinda Wenner Moyer

Parenting presents us with infinite opportunities to teach our kids values.

How to raise kids who aren’t overly selfish.

Kindness reaps its own rewards.

1)Talk about, validate, and help your kids manage emotions.

Kids have to recognize and understand emotions in order to figure out and manage their own feelings.

Consider other peoples feelings and encourage your kids to do the same.

When parents discipline their kids with explanations of how their actions affect others, kids are more likely to grasp the significance of their actions.

Validate your kids feelings, even when they seem over the top.

2)Create opportunities for your kids to help.

For older kids have them routinely expected to help, for younger kids, give them the choice might work better.

3) Make your expectations explicit, and discuss them as a family.

Kids aren’t born knowing values, we have to be explicit. Helps to explain why you’re asking your kid to do what you’re asking.

Draw up a list of family values or rules.

4) Model kindness in your daily choices.

Think about whether your actions reflect what you want your kids to see.

How to raise kids who are ambitious, resilient, and motivated.

Grit and motivation are good for parents to focus on (instead of ability/achievement).

1)Encourage kids to try new, fun, hard things.

Grit is built from four components: interest, practice, purpose, and hope.

Hard thing rule: kids have to do something fun that also requires deliberate practice, and they can’t quite in the middle of the season.

2)Praise effort, not skill/smarts.

3)Teach strategies to minimize procrastination.

At its core procrastination isn’t about time management. It’s rooted in boredom, fear, or frustration so we turn to other things.

4)Don’t rely too much on rewards.

How to raise kids who don’t bully-and help those who are bullied.

Bullying is a continuum, and a child’s involvement and role can change from day to day.

Bullying has to be repeated, deliberate harassment or abuse. Typically it’s done to impress, gain power/attention, and boost position on the social ladder.

1)Talk about bullying.

Encourage kids to do something when they see bullying (depends on instance. Could be intervene, could be tell a teacher or comfort bullied).

2)Teach your kid about anger.

3)Know what to do if your kid is bullying.

Discuss why it’s unacceptable and explain expectations. Teach to always treat others with dignity and respect.

Consider an appropriate punishment.

4)Take action if your kid is being bullied.

5)Encourage your kid’s school to fight bullying effectively.

How to raise kids who won’t lie or swear (at least not when it matters)

1)Identify causes, and model the behavior you want to see.

2)React calmly, ask questions, and explain how words can hurt.

3)React calmly and emphasize the importance of honesty.

Honesty is essential for strong, loving relationships.

Try to separate the lie from the misdeed.

4)Be open with your kids about your life.

How to raise kids who aren’t sexist

1)Watch your language.

Shouldn’t unnecessarily highlight gender in conversations not about gender.

Avoid making generic statements that lump all boys or girls into a single category.

2)Encourage cross-gender friendships and interactions.

3)Rid your home of stereotypes—as best you can.

4)Discuss gender discrimination.

Use everyday experiences as conversation starters.

Tell your kids exactly what your beliefs are on sexism and gender.

How to raise kids who have healthy self-esteem—but aren’t narcissistic

1)Tell your kids you love them for who they are—not what they do.

Regularly discuss your values with your kids and respect their perspective.

Turn disappointing moments into growth opportunities: cool down, connect. Offer soft criticism. Move forward.

2)Praise your kids, but be mindful of how.

Don’t “inflate” praise.

Preferable to praise for effort instead of skills/ability.

3)Let your kids fail, then reframe their failures.

Learning how to navigate challenges is a key aspect of self-growth and self-esteem.

Ex. “I know you feel terrible right now, and that’s ok. When you’re feeling better let’s talk—some good can come from thinking through why and how this happened.”

How to raise kids who aren’t racist.

Research suggest the “colorblind” approach doesn’t work.

1)Educate yourself and reflect on your privileges and biases.

2)Explicitly discuss race—without shaming your kids.

3)Let your kids experience and enjoy diversity.

Cross racial friendships can make a huge difference for promoting acceptance and reducing prejudice.

4)Talk to kids about racism and show them how to fight it.

Shaping behaviors and values

Parenting style: the emotional climate that parents create that shapes their attitudes toward, expectations of, and interactions with their children.

Kids who thrive the most are those with authoritative parents.

Authoritative parents typically start with clarification and reasoning. Willing to listen and negotiate. Punishment is a last resort.

1)Respond to misbehavior with empathy, then guidance.

When kids misbehave it can be an opportunity to see what skills they need to work on or for us to share our values.

Ask: why did my child act this way. What lesson do I want to teach in this moment. How can I best teach this lesson.

Teach them acceptable things they can do when they’re angry.

2)If you use time-outs, do them right.

The effort parents put into time out determines whether it will work.

Time-outs generally only work in positive contexts because they need to be a deterrent.

Always ask yourself is your child’s behavior is defiant or if they just don’t have the skills you think they do.

Keep explanations short; state clearly what violation behavior was. Don’t require an apology at the end.

Rule of thumb is one minute per year old.

3)Model healthy emotional behavior.

Identify your own triggers and notice when you’re about to lose your cool—then don’t.

It’s ok to apologize for losing your cool. Don’t beat yourself up.

Helping siblings get along

1)Teach your kids to consider their siblings feelings.

“See it your way, see it my way.”

2)Don’t compare your kids.

Kids might interpret the comparisons as critiques. Labels can limit growth or self esteem and fuel rivalry.

3)Try for equality, but don’t fret over it.

Equal treatment doesn’t always mean fair treatment.

4)Don’t force your kids to share your timeline.

Have them take “self regulated” turns if they both want the same thing. Enourage waiting or doing something else.

5)Be a mediator, not an arbitrator.

Lay down the ground rules. Ask each to describe what happened. Encourage them to discuss their feelings and asking each child to repeat what the other said. Help brainstorm solutions.

Managing screens, games, and social media

We need to model the behaviors and choices we want to see in our kids.

Kids can do many different things on screens. The type of app or video matters.

1)Don’t monitor; mentor.

Helping kids make good decisions is more effective than trying to protect them from everything.

The idea is to research, explore, and use screens with our kids.

2)Create a digital road map for your family.

Screen time limits, permission, media curfew, physical location of devices and usage, encourage shared media usage, what if they want a new app or game, sharing rules, rules around sharing photos and other content.

3)Teach your kids about privacy.

4)Put down your phone.

Talking to kids about sex and pornography

1)Talk about it all—body parts, boundaries, privacy, harassment, consent, and gender stereotypes.

Tell our kids they’re in charge of their own bodies (and others are in charge of theirs), and no one should be touched without consent.

Tell your kids to tell you if someone touches them inappropriately (tell them what this means).

2)Answer questions honestly and briefly, and don’t worry if you mess up.

3)With older kids, regularly discuss the rules of consent—and accept they can have loving relationships.

4)Talk to your kids about sexting and porn.

Key point to make is that a lot of porn is unrealistic. It’s entertainment/fantasy.

If they still watch porn after your discussion, consider letting it go unless it’s a problem.

Parenting is hard!!

[rcsethcrn-archive-blog]

AND I’VE LIVED SO MUCH LIFE

                               I THINK THAT GOD IS GONNA HAVE TO KILL ME   T W I C E

@epistocracy

[travellingcircus]

home is whenever i’m with you

Written in response to the twitter thread here by GoldenDaffodils .

Obikin; 2.7k words; modern! abo; fluff; 

Writer’s block is the enemy, and after sitting in front of his computer for the good part of an hour, typing and re-typing a comma, Obi-Wan gives up the ghost and decides to call it a day. Besides, it’s almost lunch time, which means he has work to do—Anakin’s lunch won’t make itself, and he still has the meat to thaw.

Obi-Wan gets up from his desk, rubbing the ache from his back, the action pulling the hem of his sweater upwards. He catches his reflection, then, in the window above his writing desk and absently cups the underside of his belly, visible only when he’s naked and tilted sideways. Almost three months along, and he’s still not used to it, nor is he accustomed to needing to fill his days now that he’s on a sabbatical. There’s the book that takes precedence over everything, because when the baby comes, he’ll have no time to write. The rest of his day is occupied by the odd household chore: this morning’s dishes, or the sorting and hanging up of the laundry, scheduling Anakin’s dentist appointment, or adding baby items to his already-teeming online shopping cart. And then there is Anakin’s lunch, which he takes on with the same attentiveness and detail that he tackles anything.

Obi-Wan has bought cookbooks, a huge stack of them now lives in the kitchen cabinet along with top-of-the-line ceramic pots and pans. He has taught himself how to baste, how to julienne, how to glaze and de-glaze. He has learned how to bake bread, kneading dough by the palmfuls and getting flour everywhere, when he used to just buy bread by the loaf from the bakery down the street. They used to expire, untouched on the counter. Now he has a proper bread box and cupcake moulds. Now he knows what other purpose a rolling pin serves other than to ward off groping husbands.

This new skill is born of two things: boredom and procrastination because sometimes writing does necessitate a break, but it’s also partly due to the rapturous look on Anakin’s face each time he bites into food that Obi-Wan has made for him. He’ll eat anything Obi-Wan makes for him, granted, no matter how terrible, but it seemed disingenuous not to at least make an effort.  

So Obi-Wan cooks. He tends to the hearth and home, not because it’s what expected of him as an omega, but because of the sheer delight it brings Anakin. The meals he makes he takes to Anakin’s office where they eat lunch together and chat about their day. The recent promotion has Anakin working longer hours, too tired for anything in the evening except a brief meal, a cold shower, and easily the world’s most unsatisfying quickie, all in that order.

Lunch simmers in a pot while Obi-Wan checks the weather outside: clear skies, the sun finally out after a week of steady rain. Later, Obi-Wan takes his motorbike out of hiding from the garage and clambers on, lunch packed in an insulated bag slung across his shoulder. He rides out of the neighbourhood and into the city, over puddles that slosh across his boots and streak them with flecks of mud. The wind is cutting; traffic slows him down a bit but it does nothing to tamp the heady feeling that sits inside his chest now that he’s on the move again. He’ll miss this when he gets bigger. He already misses teaching.

It only occurs to him as he’s parking his motorbike next to Anakin’s Lexus in the company carpark, that he probably should have changed into something less shabby. As it stands, he’s wearing his favourite sweater, with the visible hole in the armpit and the colour leached out after many trips to the washer. At some point it had been a vibrant green, now god only knows what shade it actually is—some sort of cross between teal or sea-foam green. He checks his reflection in the reflective glass wall of Anakin’s office building and musses his hair where his helmet has flattened it. There are biscuit crumbs on his beard; he brushes them away with a sheepish swipe of the hand.

Well, he thinks, wryly. That’s the best he can do in this situation. He’d forgotten to change out of his flannel sweatpants and it’s rather unfortunate that he’s wearing a pair of Uggs too—not a sartorial choice, necessarily, they just happen to have enough cushioning for his swollen feet.  

Most of Anakin’s coworkers know him, and when Obi-Wan passes them by, they nod and wave at him in acknowledgement. Benefits of being married to the VP, Obi-Wan supposes, and a warm stab of pride hits him like a jolt: Anakin has worked hard to get where he is— blood, sweat, and tears, a lot of tears, really, if they’re being honest, and now they have enough money saved up that Obi-Wan can comfortably stop working for a little while and simply tend to how ever many children they decide to have, hopefully not a lot, he isn’t getting any younger. And it’s not as if Obi-Wan has plans of quitting the workforce for good: he loves teaching, and domestic life may be tolerable in short stretches but if Anakin moves them to the suburbs, there will be Words.

Obi-Wan strolls up the lifts but is pulled abruptly from his thoughts by someone calling out to him. “Excuse me! Sir! Yes, you in the sweatpants!”

Obi-Wan turns, arching an eyebrow as he pivots on his heel. “Yes?”

It’s the receptionist—only today it isn’t anyone he recognises. She seems…new. And young too, like she’s fresh from university. Obi-Wan has taught undergrads that have looked older. “I’m sorry, but the lifts are strictly for employees only. Do you have an appointment?”

“No,” Obi-Wan says, chuckling, but his mirth fades when he sees that she isn’t nearly as half-amused as he is. “I don’t have an appointment but I am here to drop off lunch.”

“Door Dash?”

“No,” says Obi-Wan drily. “I’m not affiliated with them, I don’t think. I’m here for Anakin.”

“Ana—” Her eyes widen in understanding. “You mean Mr Skywalker?”

“Yes, I’m his—”

She nods and holds up a finger, cutting him off. Obi-Wan bites down on a response, years of boarding school training coming back to bite him in the arse: it’s a gesture he’s familiar with, and not because he’s an omega. He quiets down, pressing his lips into a thin line. Silent, he sighs, crosses his arms, and patiently waits for the new receptionist to finish typing into her computer.

“Sorry,” she says, making a face at him, flicking her gaze south and upward once more in obvious appraisal. “But Mr Skywalker’s in a meeting right now.”

“Is he? I could have sworn he said he’d be free after noon.”

The receptionist holds her smile—it’s brittle, and rote, the kind of smile you give when you’ve worked customer service long enough and have to deal with difficult people. Is Obi-Wan being difficult? He doesn’t want to make trouble. “Well,” he says, after a great deal of patting around his back pockets for his mobile phone which apparently he’d forgotten at home—convenient, just convenient. “I guess I’ll wait here then.”

“Sorry,” she says again. “But we have a strict policy against letting guests just loiter about! Surely, you understand.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t be loitering,” Obi-Wan says. “I’d be waiting. There’s a difference.”

“I’m sorry Mister—”

“Kenobi.”

“Right, Mister Kenobi, I’m sorry but if you don’t leave right now I’m going to have to ask the guards to escort you out.”

“You must be joking,” Obi-Wan says. All right: apparently not. Her finger is already hovering over some button Obi-Wan is half certain has the power to summon security.

“Really? You want me to leave,” he says.

She nods tightly, still with that cloying smile on her face.

Obi-Wan presses two fingers to the bridge of his nose, fighting off a headache. He doesn’t want to argue further, not when his body is already betraying him in so many ways: his feet have started to throb again, his bladder feels full even though he’s just popped to the loo on the way, and he’s one chin wobble away from feeling some sort of emotion.

“Right, then.” He unslings his lunch bag and sets it down on the desk. “You can hand this over to Mister Skywalker. Careful not to jostle the bag too much; there’s a thermos of soup in there. You can tell him—tell him I’ll be phoning him when I get home and that I’ll see him later.”

She nods, writing all of that down on a yellow sticky note. “Kenobi, right? And how is that spelled?”

“Exactly how it sounds, and with a K,” Obi-Wan tells her.  

He exits the building, unable to tell whether he’s relieved or disappointed. Relieved because he’s at least fulfilled his marital duties and dropped off Anakin’s lunch, as promised; disappointed because the only thing he’s been looking forward to that day has been taken from him: nothing compares to the pleasure of seeing Anakin enjoy his cooking, and he’s made something new today: miso soup with tofu and seaweed. An experiment, but still something he can be proud of.

Obi-Wan makes it home in under half an hour, where he makes a beeline to the bathroom to relieve himself. He can’t pinpoint what exactly it is he’s feeling, now that he’s taken care of two of his three pressing issues. Hormones have wreaked havoc on his emotions lately, and maybe that could be it. One minute he’s watching a documentary on sea otters and the next he’s so moved by the sight of them holding hands and swimming in pairs that he has to have a good, long cry.

He shakes himself out of this strange mood, and heats some frozen pizza in the oven, eats it standing up while dancing his fingers across the steaming hot cheese. He has a nap afterwards on the sofa, while a David Attenborough documentary plays on the telly, because what else is there to do, this is his life now, though he briefly considers having a leisurely wank with his vibrator within reach and just sitting there where he’d left it this morning. Another unexpected but not entirely unwelcome side effect of the pregnancy is his increased libido.

On weekends, when they elect to sleep in, Anakin can take him upwards to five times before dinner,  and Obi-Wan will be ready each time: wet and wanting. They haven’t had sex in a few days, though, mostly because Anakin has been busy. Obi-Wan doesn’t mind entirely; he knows how these things go. For years, his academic career ate into aspects of his private life, and if it weren’t for Anakin who’d insinuated himself into his life with persistence and sheer stubbornness, they wouldn’t have been, well, married and about to have pups. Not a bad life, considering Obi-Wan had at one point resigned himself to being married to his career.

Obi-Wan falls asleep as soon as his eyes close.

And he wakes to the familiar sound of Anakin’s car nosing up the driveway.

Strange, the light in the room tells him there’s still some daylight left. Obi-Wan gets up when he hears the door rattle. Not a second later and it’s flung open, Anakin’s heavy treads thudding the floorboards of the foyer. There’s a crash, and another thud: Obi-Wan can hazard a guess that Anakin has managed yet again to tip over the coat stand.

“I’m here, dearest,” Obi-Wan says, waiting patiently until Anakin materialises. And materialise he does, touting his briefcase in one hand and looking very, very cross. His face is red and splotchy. His disheveled hair gives the impression of having been tugged at in frustration, a habit that Obi-Wan has trouble weaning him off of.

“Are you all right?” Obi-Wan asks, concerned.

“I’m gonna kill that bitch,” Anakin huffs, as he stomps over to grab Obi-Wan by the forearms. Despite the palpably murderous intent roiling off him, his touch is feather-light, careful as he rubs up and down Obi-Wan’s arms. “I got your message. You should have called me so I could have picked you up from the lobby.”

“I left my phone at home,” Obi-Wan says, stroking Anakin’s cheeks to calm him, “And besides, you seemed busy. I didn’t want to intrude. You had a meeting.”

“I never schedule meetings when I know you’ll be coming over with lunch. I make myself available. You know that.”

“True, but, do remember you’re running a company, dearest, and I don’t always expect you to accommodate me.”

Anakin makes a pained noise. “I’m gonna fire her,” he mutters.

Obi-Wan rolls his eyes. “She was just doing her job. Don’t fire her for my sake.”

Anakin clenches his jaw, stubborn as ever. Obi-Wan presses a kiss to his lips, smiling when Anakin absolutely softens into it. “Promise me,” he says, patting him on the cheek. “You’re not going to fire her. Say it.”

Anakin’s nose twitches, and he doesn’t say it explicitly, but he nods, once: a concession.

Anakin spends the rest of his day working from his laptop in his home office, wearing his suit from the waist up and his sweatpants from the waist down. He finishes right on the dot—at six pm when Obi-Wan has a beef pot pie baking in the oven and he’s halfway through a crossword puzzle. Then he’s out his suit for good and in a ratty old university t-shirt spelling the name of his alma mater in front in bubbly font.

Anakin slides behind Obi-Wan at the counter and rests his chin on Obi-Wan’s shoulder. He wraps his arms around Obi-Wan’s middle, absently stroking his growing stomach. “Cock,” Anakin says, without preamble, and Obi-Wan blinks before giving him a bemused look. “Too early for that love, at least let dinner finish cooking first.”

Anakin rolls his eyes and points to the crossword on the counter, tapping a corner of the page. “Four across. Another word for rooster that begins with a C.”

“Cock,” Obi-Wan agrees with delighted laugh.

They eat dinner; Anakin takes care of the dishes while Obi-Wan thaws in the shower. When it’s Anakin’s turn in there, Obi-Wan dries his hair on a towel and doesn’t put any clothes on. He knows what happens next: it’s one of the two things he looks forward to on any given day, because he is a man with simple needs and what he needs is, four across, another word for rooster that begins with a C.

And because it’s shaped out to be a good day, despite the whole ordeal at lunch, they have time enough to be tender.

Anakin fucks him, sweet and slow, clutching his ankles. Then, because Obi-Wan can’t get enough, he rides Anakin afterwards with the same agonising slowness with which Anakin had fucked him. He clutches the headboard for balance while Anakin presses his thumbs into his hips and mouths filthily at his nipples, sore from teeth marks and Anakin’s many attempts at drawing out milk even though it will be months yet before Obi-Wan’s body will be able to produce any. They last a whole two hours, though most of it is just spent kissing and pawing at each other. They fall asleep, nestled like spoons, and in the morning Anakin will have to leave for work early again; Obi-Wan will make him a pot of coffee, will blearily wave at him from the driveway in his tatty robe and fluffy slippers, before going inside and taking a very long nap. Afterwards, he will spend hours staring at his blinking cursor, before getting up to make Anakin lunch—a new recipe he’s picked up on the internet that doesn’t seem overly complicated.

This is life, and it must be a sign of getting older, because Obi-Wan has come to love it in spite of everything: the meals he makes for himself and Anakin, and the humdrum of his routine, the home they are trying to make for themselves and for their future children, built by love and shaped around it.

[stingywiththeirusername]

Mutuality (Dark Taro Yamada AU)

“Opening Chapter”

(Author's Note: This came from an idea from a Gacha Youtube called ""Senpai, Ayano keeps stalking you." | Yandere Simulator | Yandere Taro AU? | Gacha Meme" by Vquira of which I put my idea in the comment section and decided to do a short one-shot about it since I need to do something to feel productive no matter what to procrastinate on my school works so rip. I don’t really keep up much with the news about Yandere Simulator other than he update videos, AUs, concept videos, and Kubz Scout’s videos so I only write here just to let out some creativity and inspiration.

Here is the original comment: Honestly this is more interesting. Like Ayano, Taro also doesn't feel much emotions but unlike her, he can mask his emotions pretty well to the point not even Osano noticed, maybe Hanako did but she's keeping quiet afraid it'll ruin the happy family illusion they have. So when Ayano starts her yandere shenanigans towards Taro he becomes interested and watches her do all these deeds in hopes of gaining his "affections". Maybe Ayano originally was a toy to him, something he uses to feel emotions based on her actions, but along the way he gets increasingly possessive of her and eventually pulls an uno reverse on Ayano and kidnaps her. He'll probably let her go after telling her everything and he'd return to watching in the sidelines as Ayano eliminates any "rivals" she has when in reality, it is highly likely Taro only does so so he can be entertained by Ayano. Sounds like a lovely dark game wherein Taro knowingly pulls all these flags and Ayano struggles to get rid of them but there is never an "end" unless either Taro gets bored of her or Ayano dies.)

Next -->

*-*-*-*

What makes people smile? What compells them to cry? How about when they laugh to the point they collapse to the side with cheeks aching? What about when they feel the hot slice of rage and the needless want to fight? What makes a person become a person? Is it the mere act of having emotions that denote them to being normal? 

I don’t understand them. Maybe that’s why my parents cried whenever they saw me stare at them. Maybe that’s why my sister keeps on clinging on to me. Maybe that’s why I feel nothing but boredom whenever I see the family I was born into. 

People told me my name suited me.

Taro Yamada, the name of an unknown dead person.

It didn’t click to me why I was so different, in a sense. I was smart, I didn’t bully other people-- what more could they want from me? I was respectful, I was calm, but apparently that wasn’t enough. Being a person can be so tough, and not at all rewarding so I didn’t care. I was already told to be a child prodigy but even then strangers would always look at me with unease, ‘whispering’ how I was surely wrong.

Wrong in what way? I would soon figure out when my parents reluctantly pulled me out of homeschool under the urgency of a child psychologist. 

When I came to school for the first time I was... surprised.

Children cried, children laughed, children made messes, children threw tantrums, children were alive.

Now I understood.

I understood why my parents locked themselves in the room to cry after they saw me wandering the halls of our house, why my younger sister clung to me trying to make me feel an ounce of emotion, why strangers threw my family pitying looks and gave me unsettled ones, and why exactly it felt like I was so disconnected from the world as though I was a living dead person.

After coming home, my parents sat me down and cautiously asked me how was my first day of school. I eyed them, wondering if I should tell them how I felt displeased to be in the presence of such noisy children, or how the teachers were patronizing towards me, or the fact that the curriculum was way below with what I was used to--

So instead I pasted on a curious look just like what I saw and told them the exact opposite of what I felt.

“My classmates are all lively!” They’re so annoying, they cry and scream over the littlest of things it’s embarrassing.

“The teachers are also nice to us, they make sure to engage.” If you could call it engage based on how they would shush the children and talk to them in that sickening sweet voice.

“Also the lessons were really easy than I thought!” It was boring, I nearly fell asleep but didn’t because I’d rather not be made an example for others to look at.

With every sweet lie I told them, they fell readily. It was almost sad to see how desperate they were, almost.

After that, I had everything I needed. My parents became more and more happy, pleased, and spoiled me whenever I flashed them that smile other children gave. They readily cleaned up any mess I made, even encouraging it by buying games I didn’t even want to play so I gave them all to my sister and by consequence she became spoiled with how I gave her second handed gifts from me, clinging even more and telling me useless things about her day, her thoughts-- 

I bore it all with an indlugent smile because I knew underneath all of that zeal Hanako knew I wasn’t getting better as my foolish parents deluded themselves into thinking, even outright yelling at the child psychologist who warned them to stay vigilant. Their child of which they loved yet feared finally felt like a child, why would they want to face the cruel reality that child could so very well be faking it? No, no that’s too painful for them so they’d rather drown in their denial.

It was amusing.

Hanako must have been in the same vein but in a completely different trajectory. She so desperately wanted that perfect happy family life she saw other kids her age have and covered up whatever cracks I had when my parents came up to me, wanting love from a child like me. It’s why she’s so clingy and desperate, she’s trying to compensate for everything I lack, she’s lucky I find her struggles and periods of derangedness of which she had to carry this happy life she oh so wanted entertaining.

Years of dancing around this issue. Years of playing house have passed and now I’m in my last year of highschool.

It was admittedly delightful to watch other people come up to me and lay down whatever burden they may have due to the reputation I built of being the quiet, unassuming, plain, and non-judgmental person. Not even the ever so infamous Info-chan of this school could ever hope to convince people of who I truly was, I was here longer than her, if she wanted to destroy me she didn’t have much in terms of blackmail.

I did live a pretty simple quiet life.

...

It’s boring.

It’s beyond boring.

I can’t even do anything without risking my reputation, not like how when I was a somewhat nobody and I entertained myself by guiding the gyarus of this school to target those shy easily taken advantage of boys that turned to delinquets, it was riveting to see the mighty Guidance Counselor break and guilt trip herself for not listening to the cries of victims. It also was such a shame that I could no longer spread any gossip about Raiburu Fumetsu being an unbeatable rival to the point she had been chained to her position and quietly suffering. It was a shame that student, Budo Masuyama, had to defeat her. It was a shame but it did help keep Osana off my back so I suppose it was a blessing in disguise.

But that doesn’t dissuade the fact I am bored.

Now here I am, wandering the halls after putting away the book I borrowed and getting another one because at this point books are the only thing I don’t feel bored with compared to people. I’m sure Kumi Demura knows what exactly I am but she wisely doesn’t say anything. I thought I felt a kinship towards her but unlike me, Kumi feels nothing about her situation, not even when people whisper about her, and yet despite her lack of emotions she has friends without faking it, faking anything.

It was vexing, especially when I even spread rumors about her and her emotions resulting to the pool of friends limiting-- she still showed nor said anything.

Maybe it is better that those who are similar repel one another, I can’t imagine what the future for me would be like if I was together with someone like me.

As I turn the corner I accidentally bumped into someone.

I quickly gave a worried look as I stretched out a hand, “H-Hey, are you okay? I’m sorry for bumping into you.”

The girl had black hair tied in a ponytail, it made me raise an eyebrow because only a few people here have black hair against the sea of rainbow colored ones. She looked up at me with her black eyes and suddenly--

It felt like I was suffocating.

Her eyes suddenly lit up, there was a crushing void dragging me in, choking me with the onslaught of emotions I never had the chance to feel. It felt as though the world was too colorful yet saturated in a way that could make your eyes bleed at the insensity.

It was intense.

And it was new.

My smile fixed itself on my face as I gave a sheepish wave, apologizing to her and hurriedly walking away. My heart pounding intensely for the very first time when I could feel her burning gaze directed at my back. 

I knew in that moment that girl was just like me. Devoid of emotions. Devoid of life.

Yet unlike me, she felt it, the rush of emotions to the point it could crush you. It was-- For a brief moment I didn’t know what to think of her other than ‘How lucky.’

“Senpai! There you are! You made me wait too long! Do you know what time it is? Everyone’s gone home, baka!” The familiar high piercing shriek of my childhood friend came to my attention as I hid the flicker of annoyance and gave her a sheepish smile, rubbing the back of my head.

“I’m sorry Osana, I got too wrapped up in my book--”

“Baka! You need to be conscious about the time you’re spending, especially when someone’s waiting for you!” Osana cut me off instantly and I gave a great big breath.

“I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing, you need to keep to your word or else you’ll make me angry!”

‘When are you not angry?’ I gritted in my head. At first I thought it’d be amusing to have this sort of person beside me but now it’s gotten too much, especially when Osana was such a coward she had to resort to verbally abusing me to hide her affections. What a counterproductive way of expressing your emotions, do you want me to hate you? And when I do you instantly become guilty and beg me not to hate you-- What else do you want me to do? You treat me with anger, I will respond in kind. Even with my lack of emotions I could empathize in I can say for certainty nobody would put up with such antics like this, maybe a masochist but sadly Osana doesn’t seem to want to go for them, it would’ve made my life easier and even then it’s annoying for me to let go of such an amusing toy like her.

I just gave her a smile and decided to look back for some reason and oh, I was treated with the wonderful look of pure homicidal rage and fervor of anger. The girl’s attention was solely on Osana who kept rambling about what she and her friend, Raiburu, did or talked about. All things I couldn’t even care about. Those black eyes of hers showed vivid urges to do something and I couldn’t help but shudder.

I’m sure with the actions I will take it would prove to be a huge movement within the school, especially regarding the unsavory historical event here in Akademi High. Whatever actions I will take, I’m sure Hanako would transfer in this school if I’ve started to break her perfect family and the daughter of the Saikou Corps would surely up the ante of the school if something oh so tragic would occur...

“Senpai? Why’re you smiling so much?” Osana asked with an edge to her voice, but I hadn’t spent all those years misdirecting and gaslighting her to think there was nothing wrong with her treasured senpai and childhood friend.

Hm? I was smiling?

I absently touched my cheek to discover I had been smiling. A cheery one if I had to put a label.

“What’re you thinking about?”

I smiled at Osana, ignoring how she spluttered out her words and her cheeks reddened, “Nothing much, just a... Interesting thought.”

We were outside the school and I chanced back to look and I smiled again when I saw a shadowy figure waiting by the window.

This’ll be fun.

Next -->

(Author’s Note: Andddd that’s it! I don’t know if I’ll expand on it but I do have other ideas about an alternate universe about Yandere Simulator, all inspirations provided by the contents of the YouTube videos I’ve been consuming.)

[tidesreach]

So, somebody commented on a post of mine to say that Xue Yang's actions throughout the show/novel were definitely not about classism, and in constructing a reply I… wrote far too many words to fit into a reply box. So here is a rambling post instead. No slight at all on the person who commented, I just wanted to delve into the topic a little more and offer an actual explanation to my thoughts. Because I have more Thoughts on this than I anticipated. Also I’m procrastinating on doing Uni Work.

That post was not exactly meant to be Serious Meta, but I do think there is definitely an argument for classism as a motivating factor for Xue Yang. I can’t not, really. I mean, yes, Xue Yang is very into murder. Murder is fun! I am here to be feral and kill people! Yes. But I don’t think that’s his sole motivation. Xue Yang grew up in poverty. He lived on the streets, suffered a great deal of abuse, and was beaten by and lost his finger to a Sect Leader for the crime of being too trusting and just... wanting some sweets. These are all facts. The sect leader in question received zero punishment or repercussions because... well, Classism. Because the lives of the poor have little value in Cultivator Society. Xue Yang's treatment/trauma as a poor person who was viewed as subhuman was the catalyst. It shaped his entire view of the world. He outwardly shows disdain for cultivators and the way they look down on him. Was it his sole motivation for all of his actions? No, but I think it was a part of it. Just like having Xiao Xingchen murder all of those farmers was part of it. Not his sole motivation, it was super fun too! But it was also about bringing Xiao Xingchen down to his level for various reasons. (I think Xue Yang always had it in his head that he was going to tell Xiao Xingchen about the people he had him kill one day, a grand moment of revelation. He did it to prove a point to Xiao Xingchen. But then... he experienced Feelings and started to enjoy his boring little life, because boredom is okay actually, when you’re loved, who knew??? So he decided hmmmm, but what if I just..... don’t tell him ever? The actual moment of revelation only came because by that point there was nothing left to salvage.) So, there's methodology there. Very twisted methodology, sure, but it’s there.

Xue Yang desperately tries to explain this to Xiao Xingchen during their final confrontation when he opens up about his finger. Desperately tries to explain the position he was put in as a child on the streets with no money, no parents, no status. He was a destitute child born into a society that caters to the Cultivator Elite. He realised very quickly that no one was going to defend him or offer him any justice for the abuses he suffered because he simply was not deemed important enough to defend due to his lack of status. He realised very quickly that the only person who was ever going to defend him was himself. So he took matters into his own hands because no one else would. His revenge on the Chang Clan was part of that.

Xue Yang starts to lash out at Xiao Xingchen during that final confrontation because Xiao Xingchen just fundamentally cannot understand where he's coming from. Xiao Xingchen sees Xue Yang's massacre of the Chang Clan as a wholly disproportionate revenge. He asks him why he couldn't have just taken a finger (or two, or ten, or an entire arm!) in revenge rather than murdering the entire clan. Which, yeah, is a fair fucking question. But also, this is a society where disproportionate revenge and needless suffering is rife. (Consider the surviving members of the Wen Clan who were slaughtered. But that was acceptable because the Elite deemed it justice. Which is, well, my whole point.) This is a fundamentally broken society. Xue Yang knows this. “My finger was my own. Those lives were other people’s.” That one sentence there is, damn. It’s fascinating to me. Because he highlights so succinctly the fact that no one ever put any value on him, not on any part of him. Not his finger, not his life. Even Xiao Xingchen is saying, essentially, it was just a finger! But Xue Yang is adamant that no, that’s not the point. The point is that it was his finger. It belonged to him. It was part of him, and it was taken away from him as if it had no value. But it had value to him. So why should he value their lives? No amount of lives he took in revenge can equal what was taken away from him. “How could it have possibly been equal to one of my fingers?” It’s essentially Xue Yang arguing why should their lives have more value? It’s all fascinatingly complex, oof.

I think there is a part of Xue Yang here that is desperately hoping for a kind of epiphany from Xiao Xingchen, for him to realise that hey, maybe Xue Yang has some points here! The fact that Xue Yang even tells the story about his finger at all speaks to that. He wants someone to understand the ideas of value placed on the Elite and lack of value placed on kids like him. That’s what’s really disproportionate! He goes on to chastise Xiao Xingchen for standing up for the Chang Clan. For daring to think he could decide who was right or wrong. Tells him he should have stayed at the mountain if he can’t comprehend the happenings of the world. But of course the epiphany Xue Yang is hoping for never comes. Even if Xiao Xingchen could understand the motive, he was never going to understand the method. It’s not until Xue Yang realises that there’s no salvaging anything that he starts really lashing out. 

Xue Yang tells Xiao Xingchen quite clearly that the people he hates the most are people like him who think they are righteous and virtuous. Who think that they've made the world a better place just because they “did something good”. This is also where a lot of Xue Yang's anger and revenge-motivation towards Xiao Xingchen comes from in general. Because Xiao Xingchen has a strong sense of justice. He has all of these wonderful ideals about morality and making a better society. He wants to save the world. To Xue Yang this is unbearably arrogant and naive because you cannot save a world you refuse to understand. Which is what Xiao Xingchen is doing by refusing to understand the point he’s making in telling his story about his finger. It's a bitter and personal attack from Xue Yang. It's you claim to be righteous and virtuous and good but what good have people like you ever done for those truly suffering? The point Xue Yang is trying to make is that Xiao Xingchen could not have possibly hoped to save the world with a few good acts when he overlooks some of the Actual Problems with the world, when he understands nothing about how the world works for most people. Nothing about the rules of justice. Nothing about the real injustices.

Even the fact that Xiao Xingchen thought he could bring Xue Yang to justice when he first captured him all those years ago is another tick in the “you have no idea how the world works!” box. The way Xue Yang was just so blase about being captured. Because, like, doesn't Xiao Xingchen know that's not how the world works? Xue Yang knows because he's proof of it. There's something actually darkly poetic about the fact that Xue Yang was secured freedom by the Jin Clan after Xiao Xingchen delivered him there. Because Xiao Xingchen’s unwavering belief in bringing him to justice, that justice is always right and fair, actually allowed Xue Yang to go free. Because Xue Yang was finally viewed as someone important enough, someone powerful enough to be above justice and punishment. Xue Yang proved his own damn point. There is no justice in the world they live in. Only power, and that power can only be granted by the Cultivator Elite. Xue Yang realised that he couldn't beat the system but that he could use it to his own advantage, he could use the rich and powerful to achieve his own, however questionable, goals. Xiao Xingchen, conversely, believed he could change the system, and to Xue Yang that was stupid and naive because he couldn’t see all the ways in which the system was wrong in the first place. This is what he tries to explain to Xiao Xingchen during that final confrontation.

So yeah, that’s my two cents (many cents, this got long) on it anyway. I do think it is at least a motivating factor.

[donteattheappleshook]

She Came from the Water Chapter 1/?

Summary

Between his dissatisfying job, a constant battle to keep seeing his daughter, and a history of mistakes, losses, and broken dreams, Killian Jones has no place for magic in his life. But when he pulls in his fishing nets one evening only to find a woman caught in them, his life becomes infinitely more complicated. Is she a siren, a selkie, like his daughter believes, or just another lost soul like himself? Suddenly, his life is a thing of fairytales; beautiful women hidden away in cottages, selkie husbands coming back to claim them, and, just maybe, a chance at happily ever after.

A Captain Swan AU based on the film Ondine (2009) for the @captainswanmoviemarathon​

Rated M for eventual smut.

Read it on Ao3

Huge, gigantic, enormous, (I wish I had more synonyms), amazingly big thanks to @ultraluckycatnd​ for her amazing work and help as beta for this fic. Thanks for putting up with all my last minute writing and procrastination. You're a superhero.

Chapter 1

Killian shivers. He’s cold. Cold and damp - the kind of damp that sinks into his bones and chills him so much that he thinks he’ll never feel warm again - the kind that shakes him from the inside no matter how many layers or jumpers he wears. It’s grey today. It’s always grey, the clouds blanketing the sky and a constant drizzle mixing in with the water splashing off the side of the boat. Not a ship - a boat. That’s what it is. Maybe once he’d dreamed of being on a ship, of sailing around the world, of feeling the ocean air and the sun on his face rather than the wind and the wetness that turns the bits of water in his beard to ice on the particularly cold days. He’d had a lot of dreams once, but one after the other those had slowly slipped away, one mistake after another, one drink after another, one death after another. 

Even now he wishes he had a bottle with him, one that would warm his blood and make the hours passing more bearable. But the trade off isn’t worth it. That’s what he tells himself anyway - every day for the last seven years. He shakes his head and then his hands that still hold that slight tremor after all this time and tries to focus on the task at hand. That’s the problem with this line of work: too much time alone staring out at the grey sky and the grey sea. Too much time to let melancholy in and to let hope slip away until his thoughts match the horizon. 

He tugs his knit cap down further over his ears and rubs at his eyes, trying to clear the wet and the sleep and the boredom from them as he tries to focus on the water, to spot his traps among the dozens that litter the surface. He hasn’t caught lobster in weeks but still he checks them every day. He hasn’t caught much of anything in weeks, really. That’s the other problem with choosing fishing as a line of work. One bad day, one bad week can mean the difference between keeping the lights on in his dingy little cottage, or spending another night huddled up by the old wood fireplace trying to dry the cold that seems to live under his skin. And Killian’s had many bad weeks now.

He pulls up the first trap, wincing as his fingers brush the icy surface. It’ll be winter soon - not that summer lasts very long on this little island. They get three, maybe four weeks of sunshine if they’re lucky, the rain giving just enough respite for the grassy noles to be overrun by flowers and birds before they skitter back off into their hiding places and the world goes back to the usual grey and faded green landscape he’s spent his whole life in. 

That was always his mother’s favorite time of year. It had been his too when he was a child but now he hates it - hates how it teases of warmth and happy days that are here to stay before it rips it away and plunges him back into the reality of his life. When she left, she took his love of sunny days with her. He wishes he hadn’t been born here - wishes he hadn’t been born at all most days - wishes he hadn’t stayed, that he’d left when he’d had the chance. He wants to leave now. But he can’t leave. Alice is here. And wherever she is is where he will be. Always. Even if that place is a miserable, damp, cold island off the coast of nowhere. 

The trap is empty. So is the next one, and the one after that. He swears under his breath though there's no reason to. It’s not like there was anyone who could hear him this far out on the water. He looks out at the vastness before him and thinks, as he does every day, about pointing his little boat in one direction and floating off until he can’t go any further. Maybe he’d find somewhere better, maybe he’d die out there. It brings a small smile to his face even as he throws the last empty trap back into the water. 

Pushing back the layers of wool and nylon on his wrist, he wipes the droplets from the face of his old, scuffed watch. It’s getting late. The sun will be going down soon and it isn’t safe to be out on the water at night. He smiles a little again. Alice would insist it’s because that’s when the sea creatures come to life, mermaids and sirens looking to lure nice fishermen like him to a watery grave - he doesn’t want to ask where she learned the term ‘watery grave’. In reality, it’s the roughness of the waves, the lack of guiding lights, and the rocky shores of the island. Sometimes, he prefers Alice’s version. 

The light is dimming from the sky, turning it from the pale grey of daytime to the foggy grey of twilight. He needs to get to the fishery and turn in his meager catches before they close. He sets about pulling up his nets, switching the lever and watching, listening to the familiar wiring sound of the mechanism as it slowly rolls the net in, out of the dark water. But, as more and more of it is pulled up, Killian grows more discouraged, its weight clearly light and therefore, likely empty - or mostly empty. 

He pulls his hat off his head in frustration and runs a hand through his too-long hair. He can’t afford another bad day. He’s nearing the end of his meager savings and if he was ever going to have any hope of getting custody - Killian freezes. The hand that’s been rubbing at the back of his neck stops as his skin turns icy under his touch. He feels the blood drain from his face and settle in his stomach as dread washes over him. 

A hand. There’s a hand reaching out of the water, pale and nearly blue with cold or - Killian doesn’t want to think it - death. He watches, unable to move for fear of his legs giving out from under him, his heart pounding painfully against his chest. He watches as more pale skin is exposed, the fingers tangled in the netting, as though they’d been clutching at the rope at some point and Killian has a horrific vision of someone being dragged along underwater after his boat. 

The clanking sound of the engine coming to a sharp halt when the net is fully reeled in, is drowned out by the blood rushing in his ears as the body inside jolts lifelessly. It’s a woman. He can see the narrow shoulders and slight frame curled up in the bottom of the net. The thin dress she wears is soaked through, exposing more blue skin, raw from salt and cold. Her light hair sticks to her face and shoulders in wet ropes and hides her eyes from his view. Killian doesn’t know how, but he can tell she’d been under the waves for a long time. Too long for someone to have survived. He’s glad he can’t see her face. He’s seen enough dead, expressionless eyes in his lifetime. He doesn’t need to see any more. 

Shit. Shit. What’s he supposed to do? Call the police? Bring her into shore? There hadn’t been a training day for this - on what to do if you find a dead body in the water. How had she gotten here? She looks young and healthy. Had she been killed? Had she swam out too far and drowned? Gotten caught in the undertow? Had she drowned herself? More and more horrific, unwelcome images flash through his mind.

The fingers in the net twitch. 

“Oh bloody hell,” he gasps. “You’re alive!” 

Killian nearly trips over his own feet in his desperate attempt to rush across the deck and pull the net over the side of the boat. His shaking fingers numb as he struggles to loosen the knot at the bottom that opens the net. He swears again when it won’t come loose and then once more in relief when it finally does. He tries his best to catch her, to prevent her body from falling the few feet to the hard wood of the deck. 

He manages to soften the blow to her head by placing a hand under it, hunches over her, holding her lips up to his ear to listen for breath and then pressing his ear to her chest when there isn’t any. He waits. There’s a moment before he hears it, a faint, weak heartbeat. She’s alive. He lowers her down onto the floor among the few fish that had been caught along with her in the net. Taking a deep breath and hoping to god he’s remembering this right, he covers her mouth with his own, releasing the breath into her lungs. He does it twice more before jerking back as her whole body convulses beneath him, coughing violently as water forces its way out of her lungs. Sitting her up frantically, he presses his chest to her back and pulls his fists in against her diaphragm. She coughs again, spitting more water onto the deck and gasping desperately for air. Finally, her eyes open and she looks around in panic. 

“What happened?” she demands between heaving, ragged breaths. Her voice rough like she’d swallowed sand along with the salt. 

“I don’t know,” he tells her honestly as she continued coughing and gasping, retching on her hands and knees. “I - I think you drowned.” Bloody hell. He did it. She’s alive. He did it.

He can feel her pulling away from him and he doesn’t let her go quickly enough. He feels her elbow collide with his stomach and gasps, doubling over and watching as she crawls across the deck and puts her back up against the edge of the boat. She looks at him with panicked eyes, darting around to take in her surroundings despite the fact that she can still barely hold her head up.

“Where. Am. I?” she asks, each word a struggle to push through her raw throat but he can hear her accent. American. She’s a long way from home. He waits until he has his breath back to answer, still holding his stomach.

“You’re on my boat,” he answers slowly, afraid to scare her any more. 

“Who. Are. You?” she demands warily. He can see the fear in her eyes.

“Killian. My name’s Killian. I pulled you up in my net.” He gestures weakly at the net he’d hauled her out of not five minutes ago. She looks to the mesh and then back at him, her breathing still ragged and panting but more from the prolonged lack of oxygen than from her panic now. 

“I died,” she whispers and the way she met his eyes he feels like she was asking him to confirm it, like she can’t understand how she’s sitting in front of him now with air in her lungs. 

“Aye,” he concedes. “But you’re alive now. You’re safe.” 

“Why?” she asks, the doubt still in her eyes and it makes him pause. He doesn’t know why. Doesn’t know why life like the sea swallows some people up and spits others out. Why it swallowed his mother and Liam but refused to take him or his father.

“Maybe the land’s not done with you yet.” 

He waits as she watches him wearily for a moment before finally nodding her head. As her breathing settles, he notices the goosebumps start to spread over her skin and the shivers wrack her body as the wind whips at her thin dress. She’s soaked through and her skin is still far too blue.

Shrugging out of his heavy rain jacket, he stands and crosses the space between them, hesitating when she flinches and then continuing when she calms. He kneels before her, draping the jacket over her shoulders and wrapping it tightly around her, rubbing at her arms to try and bring some warmth to her icy skin.

“What’s your name?” he asks. 

Something he can’t place washes over her and she looks out over the edge of the boat, avoiding his eyes, before answering. “I don’t know.”

“You lost your memory in the water?” he asks, trying to get a look at her head to check for blood.

“Maybe,” she says, pulling the jacket tighter around herself as more shivers wrack her body. 

Killian nods, not sure he believes her but there are more pressing issues than her memory. Like the fact that she’s a few minutes away from freezing to death and needs medical attention. Her secrets are hers and he has no right to demand them. Standing again, he heads into the small cabin to find the emergency radio. 

“What are you doing?” the woman demands as he picks it up. 

“Calling for help. You need a hospital.” 

“No!” she insists with more vehemence and life than he’s seen from her since he’s brought her back. “No hospitals. I don’t want to be seen.”

“You don’t want to be seen?” Killian repeats, frowning. She shakes her head, her hand coming up to worry a pendant around her neck. “I’ve seen you,” he points out. This woman is going to kill him. He’s torn between his need to help her and his desire to do as she wants. And the way she looks at him now makes his heart stutter. 

She turns to him again, shrugs. “I don’t mind being seen by you.” 

“You don’t mind being seen by me?” he repeats again. He has to stop repeating everything she says back to her but he still hasn’t fully convinced himself she’s real, that she’s here, that she was in his net. It feels like a fairytale, like something out of a storybook and if there’s one thing Killian’s life is not, it’s the stuff of stories and happily ever afters. 

She shakes her head. “You pulled me from the water.”

 She smiles weakly at him and Killian is surprised at how strongly the small turn of her lips affect him. He looks at her now, properly for the first time since he’d found her. She’s small, with thin limbs and a thin frame but the set of her shoulders and the way she holds her jaw betrays an obvious strength despite her size. He’s seen that defiance in someone’s face before, a smaller one. Her skin is pale and damp and there are dark circles under her large eyes, the long hair around her face slowly starting to dry and lighten as it curls. 

She’s beautiful, like one of the sirens from Alice’s books, and she doesn’t mind him seeing her. It’s been a long time since a woman hadn’t minded him being around and he feels a tightness in his chest at the same time as he feels warmth bloom in his stomach as she looks at him with trust in her wide green eyes. His gaze drifts down to the long bare legs stretched out in front of her. 

He clears his throat, trying to cast away the feelings she’s stirring in him. Here she is, terrified and clearly vulnerable and he’s looking at her like some sort of lecher. The last thing she needs is to be ogled by him. She needs help. She needs to feel safe. And if that means not wanting to be seen by anyone for whatever reason, then he’ll respect that. He sighs, hangs up the radio, and the look of relief on her face makes his heart hurt. What is she so afraid of? Just who is she? 

“Do you remember anything at all?” he asks, crouching down beside her. She shakes her head, her mouth setting into a hard line and he fears that perhaps, whatever she’s forgotten was forgotten on purpose. He doesn’t want to think of what could have happened to her for her to end up in that water. He can’t blame her for not wanting to think about it either. A fierce desire to protect her from whatever she’s left behind overwhelms him. Perhaps she is a siren. Perhaps she’s cast some spell over him. 

“What should I call you then?” he asks, giving her a small smile when she frowns. “I need to call you something besides the girl I pulled up in my net,” he pushes. 

“Do you name all the fish you catch?” she asks and he barks out a surprised laugh.

“No, only the ones who sucker-punch me.”

She smiles, looking a little embarrassed as she toys with the pendant in her hand again as she frowns, clearly trying to remember something, then she pauses and looks down at the little piece of silver she's rolling between her fingers. He follows her gaze, noticing the intricate and delicately etched bird in the center. 

“Swan,” she says, looking up at him again. “You can call me Swan.” 

He smiles at her and feels the warmth spread through him again when she returns it, even if it is a small shadow of a thing. It suits her, beautiful and elegant and fierce. 

“Alright then, Swan, let’s get you somewhere safe.” He thinks for a moment, trying to figure out where he could bring her but finally realising he really only has one option. “I can take you to my place if you like. It’s not much, but there’s dry clothes and I can make a fire.” He starts rambling when she doesn't answer right away. “It’s pretty remote. People don’t go up there so you don’t have to worry about being seen by anyone. I can stay on the boat if you like.” She looks at him in surprise.

“You’d give up your house?”

He sighs. “I’d really like to get you somewhere where you can warm up and not die of hypothermia. I brought you back to life once but I don’t think I could do it a second time.” He gives her a little, self-deprecating laugh. “So yes, if it means keeping you alive, I’m happy to spend a few nights on the water.” She looks at him incredulously but the hard stance she’s held since waking up relaxes slightly. “You’ve been through a hell of an ordeal, love. Let me help you.” 

“Okay,” she said after a moment’s hesitation. 

He smiles again. He can’t remember the last time he’s smiled this much with anyone except Alice. He stands, holding out his hand and she takes it, her fingers like little icicles in his own, and lets him pull her to her feet. She stumbles a bit, her legs unsteady and he wraps an arm around her waist, holding her to his side as he helps her walk the few steps into the cabin.

“Don’t worry, you’ll get your sea legs soon enough,” he teases and tries to ignore how her laugh makes his whole chest feel lighter. “You alright?” he asks as he settles her down onto a bench, finding another blanket and draping it over her lap. 

“Yeah.” She pulls his jacket around herself. He nods, heading over to the wheel across the cabin and turning back to shore. “Killian,” she speaks after a long, stretched out silence. He jumps, surprised by the sound of his name on her lips, at how much he likes it and he turns to her. “Thank you.” 

He flushes, nods, clearing his throat uncomfortably. He’s not used to being thanked, to being appreciated or wanted or seen as anything but who he’s become. It leaves him unsettled.

"You don't need to thank me for that, love," he tells her, coughing awkwardly. "It's what anyone would have done."

"No," she whispers so low he barely hears it. When he turns to her, he recognizes the look in her eye. It’s one he'd seen in his brother's, in his own, one too many times. "It's not," she finishes. 

Nearly half an hour later they’re rounding the bend of a small bay, one that’s hidden among the rocks and small islands that litter the surface of the water. He navigates his way through them with practiced ease, anchoring his boat and helping his passenger down into the dinghy that takes them to shore. 

They make their way silently to the little cottage further up on the rocks. The door creaks open and Killian winces when he takes in the state of the place. He hadn’t been expecting guests. He never has guests - apart from Alice and she’s not one for being indoors. The space that serves as the entranceway, kitchen and living room is littered with bits and pieces of fishing equipment. Netting on the sofa, hooks and bait on the table, and there are an embarrassing amount of unwashed mugs and dishes filling his sink and blanketing his counter. 

“Like I said, it’s not much,” he reminds her, feeling his cheeks going red. The cottage is really just one room with a small bedroom and a bathroom off of the back wall. When Alice is over he has her sleep in his room and he takes the couch. Damn, Alice. He was supposed to meet her after sunset. She wanted to go see the fairies by the glen. He doesn’t have the heart to tell her they’re lightning bugs. Maybe, he’s the one who told her they were fairies in the first place. 

“Right,” he says and she turns from looking around the room to face him. “There’s a bathroom through there,” he points. “You should probably take a hot bath to warm up and there are clean towels inside. You can sleep in the bedroom if you’re tired and you’ll find clean clothes in there too. There might be a trunk in the closet with some of my mum’s old things. Take whatever you like.” He reaches into his bag, pulls out a sandwich and hands it to her. 

“Here,” he says and feels his ears burn as she looks him over before carefully looking over the offered food. With all the commotion he’d forgotten to eat. “You must be starving.” She takes it, nodding her thanks. “I’ll be back later,” he tells her and she turns wide, surprised eyes on him. “I can stay on the boat like I said but I’ll need to grab a few things.” 

“You’re not staying?” she asks. He tells himself he must be imagining it. She looks disappointed. 

“No, I have somewhere I need to be.” 

She nods, that flicker of disappointment still in her eye. There’s an awkward silence between them as they both wait for him to leave. He can’t bring himself too just yet. He needs some kind of assurance that she’ll still be here when he gets back. That he hasn’t made her up and she’ll vanish when he turns his back. After a moment her stomach growls and she laughs, opening the sandwich and taking a bite. 

“I expected fish,” she says and it’s his turn to laugh. What the bloody hell has become of his life? 

Killian heads for the door, stepping through it when he’s stopped by a hand on his arm. When he faces her she’s not looking at him. 

“You’ll come back?” she asks, still refusing to meet his eye, focused on the floor and her bare feet as she shivers slightly under his jacket. He glances down at the fingers that are gripping his sleeve. After a moment, he covers them with his own. He feels her tense but she doesn’t pull away.

“Aye, Swan, I’ll come back.”  And he means it. If only to know that she’ll still be here when he does. 

[forcebewitht]

Hi! Can i ask for the twst matchup? Thank you for doing this btw!

I'm an Aquarius ENTP 8w7 self-preserve yet chaotic evil. Am a decisive and assertive person, basically a natural-born leader. Though I like to procrastinate and lazing around, I always finish my job in perfection. I am a messy and quirky person, I don't mind imperfections. People call me different, unique, yet passionate and cheerful.

My hobbies are sleeping, eating, interacting with people and trying new stuffs as I get bored easily. The talent that I have would be me as a daring, stubborn and rebellious person. I'd question laws and don't mind getting into arguments as long as it would be beneficial.

I am looking for an intelligent, sharp yet calm partner to balance me as I am noisy and hyper, so am good at energizing people. Plus, i always think positively. My love language is acts of service and i have no preference love language for my partner. The thing that makes me keep going in my life is my curiosity, i believe i havent explored the world much.

My worst fear is veung weak, unable to have options. Life motto: "the cure for boredom is curiosity, yet there is no cure for curiosity". I don't really like some that I found, somehow, not intelligent. I like someone with vast knowledge.

Ahhhhhh, hello there, Grassie! I've been following your page for a bit, so this is quite the pleasant little treat! I shall be honest with you- I am also actually seeing two matchups for you! So, feel free to either take your pick or just take them both!

Your Match Ups are...

Malleus Draconia:

Ah, yes. Tsuntaro, the man, the myth, the legend himself- only fitting for you and the powerful aura you give off, honestly! Malleus would absolutely love to drag you around the school yard to show you where certain gargoyles are located and talk to you for hours all about them- but that doesn't mean that he is above your own wants and needs. He is definitely the calm yet intelligent sense of a person you so desire, and he would positively gush over you any and everytime you start getting really passionate about things as you so do! He would love to watch you work and ask a good dosing of questions so he can better understand how "Children of Men" work! Malleus loves using his words and gentle touches to show just how much he loves his little Child of Man, evening strolls and possible haunted house visits not being too out of the ordinary for the two of you. (I know you're probably happy about that one, now for the second...)

Jade Leech:

The calmer of the two eel twins, I see! Jade has great sensations of patience about him since he has had to handle- errrr... take care of Floyd and Azul for all of these years. Jade has an insane amount of both intelligence and calmness about him that equally balances out both his twin and the loveable yet emotional little Octopus Onceler. He is a true gentleman in its finest form, yet he does have his little odd tweaks about him. And this can be said for you as well, dear Grassie. There is always more to someone than meets the eye, hmm? Jade would love to take you on mountain climbing trips with him and swim around with you sometimes in his eel form if that is what you so wished. Just- do me a favor, okay? Watch out for the flowers. Oh- and the mushrooms. Definitely the mushrooms.

[lunaleetarot]

Gemini 2021 Year Ahead Birthday Spread

Starting from the top clockwise, theme in the middle.

May 2021- Queen of Wands

This month you may be surrounding yourself with a friendly individual who loves animals. This person may be you- or your mother or a mother figure or your romantic partner. Sometimes it just means you need to take on the traits of the Queen herself. Good or bad this may be a person who has a significant say in your current situation. I feel for some of you this may be a mother in law. This person will be more relevant in your life this month. The Queen is ambitious, she wants to climb the career ladder or do other great things. Usually this individual finds themselves playing the role of the leader for having the ability to take charge. This person takes pride in being a good friend and ally. They will consider how their decisions affect others before making any moves, making sure everyone involved is being treated fairly. Enjoy time in nature as much as you can this month. If possible, go to the zoo or take a nature hike. Keeping fit and taking care of your health will be important to you. There may be a demanding and domineering woman standing between you and what you want. Watch out for controlling and oppressive behavior. If you find yourself micromanaging everyone around you- check yourself. You may be dealing with someone born on the Pisces-Aries cusp (March 19-24th).

2. June 2021- Ten of Swords

Disaster may be coming to your doorstep this June. This is not a welcoming card, as it usually indicates destruction. I feel this has been brewing for weeks and it’s finally coming to a head with the Queen of Wands above. All may be lost here Gemini. Drama, conflict will reach their next stage or conclusion. Your relationship may end in the most terrible or cruel way. Something may happen that will strip you of your confidence. This card and abusive relationships can go hand in hand. Business, career and fiance many make a turn for the worst. Once the dust settles you can start anew, but I feel for this month you're still going to be in the thick of it. You may be in ill health. Take care of yourself from physical and emotional pain. At the very least I feel some type of betrayal is going to occur and you won’t be able to resolve the issue. This is your card Gemini, this is going to affect you directly.

3. July 2021- Seven of Wands

As we move into sweltering July, you're going to face the challenges from last month head on. You're ready to preserve and defend yourself. It could possibly result in a fight for you. The person who betrayed you last month is going to make a hassle for you, and it may become a severe problem in your life. You do not see eye to eye with this person, but I feel this is someone who you were once very close to. This person does not respect you or your way of doing things. For some of you, this could be a co-worker out to steal the spotlight from you in the office. Although this is frustrating, you have the long term advantage here. They covet what you have, but you earned it with your merit, talent and personality. Because of this, even if you have to fight, you will remain on top. You may be dealing with a Leo here.

4. August 2021- The High Priestess

All the conflict from last month has really helped you to trust your intuition. However this may be a time where you need to brace the unknown, Gemini. Your insights will be so spot on, it will almost feel like your psychic. You may have strong suspicions. You may suspect your partner is being unfaithful to you. It will be revealed to you. Something in your life isn’t quite right, and you’ll feel it Gem. A lover or a business partner may be keeping a secret from you. You will sense the dishonesty, even if you're not completely sure what it is. The secret will be revealed to you this month.

5. September 2021- Ten of Wands

You learned a harsh truth last month, and it’s leaving you physically shattered this September. The truth was revealed to you, but it left you wounded. Now you're facing many burdens. This is a card of hard work, and there is a lot of work left to be done for you Gemini. You’re going to have to put in a lot more effort than you have been previously. Now is the time to decide if you want to buckle down and complete the challenge or throw in the towel. This card isn’t telling you what to do, it’s only telling you that things are about to get more difficult. You will have a lot on your plate this month. You're most likely juggling work, family and other responsibilities. You go to bed at night thinking about all the work that is facing you the next day. You will be very overwhelmed. You're going to need to take care of yourself, especially since stress related illness is likely to crop up at this time. This card is often drawn for new parents who are spending sleepless nights and drained from responsibility. It could also mean you're working hard trying to get a business off the ground. You keep pushing and pushing but there’s no end in sight. If you keep grinding there is a cozy environment in your future. If you stay committed you will see the fruits of your labor. Keep pushing towards the life you want. You may be dealing with a Sagittarius.

6. October 2021- Five of Swords

As we move into Autumn, you will face defeat. You will lose something through a fault of your own or for some something may be stolen from you. Regardless you will experience misfortune in your conflicts. This is a theft card so make sure you have proper insurance, make sure you're careful with what you brag about within the home. An enemy is going to outsmart you. You may experience loss of reputation, position or your entire career altogether. This could come from friends instead of co-workers for some. A lover being stolen from you is also a possibility. It won’t be fair, but it won’t matter very much. You may be dealing with an Aquarius here.

7. November 2021- Five of Cups

After your fall from grace in the spooky month of October, you're facing setbacks in November. You're dealing with a lot of disappointment and negative thoughts. This will be a period of great sadness for you. Instead of feeling thankful this month, you will find yourself in a negative place. At this time you will be confused about what your next move should be, and possibly indulging in self-pity. This card often makes an appearance during a break-up or divorce. Although this is difficult now, there is someone out there who is better suited for you, Gemini. Your life is by no means over. If you're battling depression, get help. You don’t have to battle these feelings alone. You may experience this fall out over a strained friendship or family relationship. All is not lost, a second chance is within your grasp. However, you're going to have to try. You may be dealing with a Scorpio here.

8. December 2021- Ace of Wands

As we move into the holiday season, you're ready to start over and begin creating a new life for yourself. This month you’re creating something that will have an impact. This could be a life changing event like a new child or a new job- but for most it will probably just be a new hobby. You will be excited about new opportunities that present themselves. You may be starting a new relationship that is filled with spark and fire. If you find yourself pregnant- this card can indicate it will be a male child. This could be you or someone you're close to. Be mindful not to get so caught up in the excitement that once it isn’t fun anymore you stop putting in effort. You don’t want something promising to never get past the first stages because of this. However, I will say this is the first promising month I see for you. I feel like the holiday season will be when Gemini gets their groove back.

9. January 2022- Four of Cups

Coming into the new year, you may find the spark you had last month is now fizzling out. Perhaps reality stepped in or a new lover has decided to leave you this month. If this is the case for you, it’s likely they got bored of the relationship. If it isn’t, you will be the one feeling the boredom. You feel unhappy and discontent in your current circumstances this month. The excitement from December has fizzled out. You won’t be happy until you do something to change it. You may be procrastinating at work or your boredom could be leading you to an affair. You may feel like you're suffering from some sort of mid-life crisis (or something that closely resembles one) You covet what other people have, wishing your own life was better. You may be chasing something that just isn’t meant for you. Use your jealousy of others for good and work on the areas of your life you're upset about. Work hard and strike for the things you see others have that you want. Keep in mind, the grass may not be greener on the other side. Count your blessings and be grateful for what you have. You may be dealing with a Cancer this month.

10. February 2022- Six of Swords

You find yourself feeling apathetic this month. You're just not interested in the drama that’s been going on all year. You're ready to forgive and move on. This can result in moving towards or away from conflict- that’s up to you. This card is all about movement. You may be physically moving residence or leaving your hometown. You may be close to the water when you travel on a boat or make a plane trip. You're moving towards a certain goal or outcome. Keep the faith, you're making progress even if you don’t feel like it. Something could be progressing in a way you didn’t want to expect. Once you get what you want, you see the grass isn’t greener on the other side. I feel this could be you achieving a goal you set out last month and realizing it doesn’t really suit you. Keep your options open for now.

11. March 2022- The Magician

With the energy of moving on, you're setting your sights on your own talents, possibly sales. You will have a lot of willpower this month. A nice change for you as winter becomes spring. You’re setting goals and seeing them through. Nothing will stop you, Gemini! Taking action at this time will attract the opportunities you crave. Be careful, for some of you a con man may be coming into your life (or trying to come back into it). One thing is for sure, you will be starting something new. A new business, job or hobby is in store for you.

12. April 2022- Six of Wands

The talents you displayed last month will lead you with victory and new found popularity this month. Success is finally coming to you! You will receive recognition for your hard work. Soon you will be able to sit back and bask in the glow. It’s been a hard year, you deserve it. There is a possibility that you will be looked up to as an authority. You may become a sort of celebrity in your field or interest. Your social media following will likely increase at this time. You will also be rewarded financially. A well deserved ego boost may also be in order. For some this may mean your letting your stubbornness get in the way of your happiness. You can’t admit when you're wrong or deny that others may know more than you. This arrogance may turn people off. You may be dealing with a Leo at this time.

13. Theme of the Year- Page of Cups

This will be an emotional year for you, unfortunately a year of emotional immaturity. For the next 365 days you may be feeling sensitive and a bit soft. You desire love, care and affection- but you're going about getting it in all the wrong ways. This gentleness may be coming from a good place, but you appear overly sensitive and annoy others. You will come off childish, moody and downright silly. In other words, you need to act your age, Gemini. I feel you will spend much of this year day-dreaming. Be mindful not to lose time because you have your head in the clouds. A certain stage of your life is coming to a natural end so a new stage can begin. You will notice this especially in June and September. This will be a painful experience for you, but it’s all for the best. I feel this could mean the end of a relationship so a new one can begin. Big events will occur in August and March. In October and November you will feel as though you’ve been defeated. February and April a special relationship may begin to bloom. It will start off slow but could lead to something amazing.

[letroadecrpg]

Upright & Reversed // Task 001

Good Afternoon Witches,

Today your homework assignment is a self reflection. Each major card has been given a reading of three minor arcana cards at random. Your task is to read the short description of each card assigned to your character and pick one as a guide to help get a closer look at what makes them tick. 

This could be presented in a story from your character’s past that shaped them or just a little reason why you think this card came up for this character in their present situation. You are more than welcome to do as many as you like, but only one is required. We’ve attached descriptions of the meaning of each card assigned to you in both upright and reversed. It is up to you to interpret these cards further!  

[ Please like this once you’ve read it ]

The Fool

Seven of Pentacles

Upright - Long Term View, sustainable results, perseverance, investment

Reversed - Lack of long-term vision, limited success or reward.

Two of Wands

Upright - Future planning, progress, decisions, discovery

Reversed - Personal goals, inner alignment, fear of unknown, lack of planning

Ten of Cups

Upright - Divine love, blissful relationships, harmony, alignment

Reversed - Disconnection, misaligned values, struggling relationships

The Magician

Six of Cups

Upright - Revisiting the past, childhood memories, innocence, joy

Reversed - Living in the past, forgiveness, lacking playfulness

Five of Cups

Upright - Regret, failure, disappointment, pessimism

Reversed - Personal setbacks, self-forgiveness, moving on

Six of Pentacles

Upright - Giving, receiving, sharing wealth, generosity, charity

Reversed - Self-care, unpaid debts, one-sided charity

The Emperor

Two of Pentacles

Upright - Multiple priorities, time management, prioritization, adaptability

Reversed - Over-committed, disorganization, reprioritization

Queen of Pentacles

Upright - Nurturing, practical, providing financially, a working parent

Reversed - Financial independence, self-care, work-home conflict

Knight of Swords

Upright - Ambitious, action-oriented, driven to succeed, fast-thinking

Reversed - Restless, unfocused, impulsive, burn-out

The Lovers

Nine of Cups

Upright - Contentment, satisfaction, gratitude, wish come true

Reversed - Inner happiness, materialism, dissatisfaction, indulgence

Four of Swords

Upright - Rest, relaxation, meditation, contemplation, recuperation

Reversed - Exhaustion, burn-out, deep contemplation, stagnation

Four of Cups

Upright - Meditation, contemplation, apathy, reevaluation

Reversed - Retreat, withdrawal, checking in for alignment

The Chariot

Knight of Wands

Upright - Energy, passion, inspired action, adventure, impulsiveness

Reversed - Passion project, haste, scattered energy, delays, frustration

Eight of Swords

Upright - Negative thoughts, self-imposed restriction, imprisonment, victim mentality

Reversed - Self-limiting beliefs, inner critic, releasing negative thoughts, open to new perspectives

Ace of Cups

Upright - Love, new relationships, compassion, creativity

Reversed - Self-love, intuition, repressed emotions

Strength

King of Swords

Upright - Mental clarity, intellectual power, authority, truth

Reversed - Quiet power, inner truth, misuse of power, manipulation

Eight of Wands

Upright - Movement, fast paced change, action, alignment, air travel

Reversed - Delays, frustration, resisting change, internal alignment

Knight of Cups

Upright - Creativity, romance, charm, imagination, beauty

Reversed - Overactive imagination, unrealistic, jealous, moody

The Hermit

King of Wands

Upright - Natural-born leader, vision, entrepreneur, honour

Reversed - Impulsiveness, haste, ruthless, high expectations

Six of Swords

Upright - Transition, change, rite of passage, releasing baggage

Reversed - Personal transition, resistance to change, unfinished business

Knight of Pentacles

Upright - Hard work, productivity, routine, conservatism

Reversed - Self-discipline, boredom, feeling ‘stuck’, perfectionism

The Star

Queen of Cups

Upright - Compassionate, caring, emotionally stable, intuitive, in flow

Reversed - Inner feelings, self-care, self-love, co-dependency

Seven of Swords

Upright - Betrayal, deception, getting away with something, acting strategically

Reversed - Imposter syndrome, self-deceit, keeping secrets

Seven of Wands

Upright - Challenge, competition, protection, perseverance

Reversed - Exhaustion, giving up, overwhelmed

The Moon

Page of Pentacles

Upright - Manifestation, financial opportunity, skill development

Reversed - Lack of progress, procrastination, learn from failure

Page of Swords

Upright - New ideas, curiosity, thirst for knowledge, new ways of communicating

Reversed - Self-expression, all talk and no action, haphazard action, haste

Five of Pentacles

Upright - Financial loss, poverty, lack mindset, isolation, worry

Reversed - Recovery from financial loss, spiritual poverty

The Sun

Ten of Pentacles

Upright - Wealth, financial security, family, long-term success, contribution

Reversed - The dark side of wealth, financial failure or loss

Four of Wands

Upright - Celebration, joy, harmony, relaxation, homecoming

Reversed - Personal celebration, inner harmony, conflict with others, transition

Six of Wands

Upright - Success, public recognition, progress, self-confidence

Reversed - Private achievement, personal definition of success, fall from grace, egotism

The World

Nine of Swords

Upright - Anxiety, worry, fear, depression, nightmares

Reversed - Inner turmoil, deep-seated fears, secrets, releasing worry

Three of Swords

Upright - Heartbreak, emotional pain, sorrow, grief, hurt

Reversed - Negative self-talk, releasing pain, optimism, forgiveness

Eight of Pentacles

Upright - Apprenticeship, repetitive tasks, mastery, skill development

Reversed - Self-development, perfectionism, misdirected activity

[surveysonfleek]

1548.

Zodiac Bingo 

Aries Gotta go fast Independence Participant, always Fuck you, don’t tell me what do to *brooding intensifies* Good sense of humor I ain’t neva scared “I’m not competitive but I’m gonna win” Assertive Going first Running yellow lights

People are drawn to you even tho you don’t invite them Feelings = action Impulsivity Creative Leader Competent “I thought you didn’t like me”-everyone Accidentally hurting people’s feelings Shares everything with partner What if the pope blasted cigs? Starting shit you don’t feel like finishing “I guess that was rude” No. 9/24

Taurus Treat yo’self Underappreciated at work Loyalty Great tastes in art&culture Spoiled (or wishing you were) Robe appreciation A vice (alcohol, weed, or comfort food) Homemaking/nesting Continuing to do something you don’t love just because you’re resistant to change Affection via touch Easy going Perfecting a wardrobe that is both comfy and flawless Having good ass eyebrows Highkey sensitive Stubborn af Not even taking your *own* advice Gossiping Lady in the street but a freak in the bed Creativity Spooning Commitment Stressing out over a change in someone’s tone of voice Finishing what you started Lots of venting lol 9/24

Gemini Unpopular opinion factory Secret&diverse intellectual landscape “Oh I got really into *miscellaneous hobby or topic* for a while” Intellectualizing or ignoring feelings Cleaning maybe once a year Look, a distraction! Thinking faster than you can talk Restless without hobbies Talking faster than you can think Reading four books at once Tons of energy Teaching others what you know Trivia machine Moodiness Knowing everything but also forgetting everything Existential crisis “Sorry I forgot to text you back” So many interests so little time Accidentally talking too loud Young at heart Pretty good public speaker Endless scrolling Shitposting Unpredictable sleep schedule 5/24

Cancer Connecting with women “Guess I’ll have to love you with my whole heart and soul” Vegetarianism/veganism Fear of rejection Surrounding yourself with soft blankets and  mood lighting Ferocious protector “I’m not going to dwell on it” *dwells on it* Takes child-rearing seriously Hardshell protecting soft ego Feeding sad friends Forecast: mood swings Heart of gold but still a badass Bad with boundaries Learning how to relax like it’s your job Lightweight drinker Yeah. Crying, ok? It’s not a big deal Mama trauma Food = comfort Nostalgia as a coping mechanism Identify built off memories Complaining Very emotionally intuitive of others Big fan of physical and emotional affection People telling you all their BS all the time 9/24

Leo Friendly Self-indulgence Never being able to tell if you’re the best or the worst People trying to compete with you lol Sensitive Decent at cheering people up Great hair Wardrobe swings between hot as hell and lazy af Interrupting Having a sense of honor Not doing something because you’re not good at it Talking too loud Finding dogs pretty relatable Creative talent Super supportive friend Enthusiasm Socializing like it’s your job&then needing to recharge Memes Priorities: eating and sleeping Boo hiss at rejection Looking good even when you feel like shit Drama Needing lots of love Loyal 9/24

Virgo Relating to Hermione Granger Gives great advice even when your own life is in shambles Flirting and running, an autobiography Petty Pretty damn intelligent Loving words/linguistics 8 hours of “studying” = 1 hour of real work Swings between clean and slobbish Indecision Splurging on food Mom friend A freak on the DL Peculiar eating habits Pretty good with words Good with pets and/or kids Known to schedule sex Multitasking af Cleaning as a coping mechanism “It me” Loves self-care but deprioritizes it 0 to hottie in 2 seconds flat Lowkey wood nymph All the receipts Bratty sub or service top 10/24

Libra If you can’t say something nice don’t say anything at all Pls no fighting Good judge of character Leadership roles in friendships Takes up less emotional space for the well being of others Art adoration Real glo up wizards Nature adoration Hates boredom Wholesome Keep it cute Emotionally braced for betrayal Lowkey running from problems with people Falling in love with people’s hearts/minds Investing in your appearance Loves all things cute Always the mediator Trust issues Charming Staying up to date on culture Taking the high road Always putting your feelings aside for others Aesthetics Mom friend 6/24

Scorpio Growing up early Being a new person every few years Black/dark wardrobe Pain is cool Interest in psychology/criminology/sociology Privacy Sexual but not promiscuous All or nothing thinking Intelligent Loner/lonely Taking care of everyone Would kill or die for loved ones Protective as fuck Bloodhound for truth Deep Fascination with death/insanity/occultism Love-hate relationships “idk I’m just feeling numb rn” Jealous or possessive Trust issues Loyal as fuck Secretly soft Gets shit done Boundaries 6/24

Sagittarius Long ass bucket list Prefers to mind their own business Unbothered Nice enough that people always think you’re hitting on them Fear of missing out Optimism Honest and upfront Your shit is lowkey not together Plenty of friends Snobby enough to have good taste Flirting your way into something you can’t finish Storyteller or philosophical preacher “Here for a good time, not a long time” “…rude” Free spirit “Films” Distracted Smarter than you look I’m just speaking my truth! “I’m just inviting a few people” Falls in love with your mind, then your body Blows up the aux cord Hedonism phases Horniness gets you into some shit lol 11/24

Capricorn On your grind Discipline dgaf attitude Stoic in the streets, softie in the sheets Planning ahead, way ahead Always prepared (Un)healthy coping mechanisms Likes structure Prioritizing self-mastery Loyal protector of friends, babies, and animals Basically born an adult Dark humor People being mad about your tough love Old soul Major procrastinator Kind of a know-it-all on the DL Major sadness and madness People thanking you for your tough love People think you’re responsible “Why was I programmed to feel pain” meme Parenting your parents “Lock that in the trauma vault” Either a loner or a socialite Giving advice like it’s your job 5/24

Aquarius Me, an intellectual: Needing to do things your way Superiority complex Gossip Conspiracy theories Skepticism Not even having the energy to tell people how wrong they are Courteous/considerate People love you but you hate people Lonely Outsider syndrome Relating to cats a great deal Hates being told what to do or when to do it Not trusting someone/something that’s popular Being accused of being emotionless Insightful Feeling like the only rational person in a room Existential crisis Devil’s advocate just to get people to think Rationalizing tf out of your feelings Hates small talk Vices You’re entitled to your opinion no matter how wrong it is Interest in sociology, psychology, and politics 10/24

Pisces Empath Dramatic Poetry or music Lots of imagination, fluctuating identity Getting high on being outside (and maybe weed) Alone time “Idk I’m just a lil sad rn idk” Spiritual af Helping people heal Existential dread Pets love you Mommy issues Good with kids Cathartic crying over art, movies, or nature Knowing how people feel before they do Feeling misunderstood/alone “Go with the flow” Encountering spirits On life: “I’m just here for the ride” Drugs Forgiving others but blaming yourself Kindness Sorry, I was dissociating Exploring nature 3/24

I am most like a: Sagittarius

I am actually a: Sagittarius (I actually don’t really believe in starsigns but here you go lol)

[jclie]

— && guests may mistake me as ( elizabeth olsen ), but really i am ( jolie madison + cis female + she/her ) and my DOB is ( 7/29/1992 ). i am a ( musician ) and would like to stay in suite ( 314 ). i won’t be much of a bother because i am ( driven, audacious, & charismatic ), but i can also be ( perfectionistic, reticent & self-sabotaging ) at times. personally, i like to ( paint, hike, try new recipes & sing karaoke ) when i have the time to relax, and my favorite snack is ( chai sugar cookies ) to have in my suite.

hi everyone! i’m red, and the only excuse i have for this dropping so late is that Work Sucks and has held me up, but i am here and ready to love u all! rlly, what better to do with the remaining bits of summer ( and being awake, tbh ) than join this super cute group and put my intro post together? so yes, here is the 411 on jolie, with a more *~cohesive~* bio and stats page on their way — i am so excited to get to know all of your muses and begin interacting! i promise i do not bite so if you’re feeling brave, pop over in the ims, or, just wait me out, because i’m sure i’ll be appearing in them soon enough :~)

general info

full name: jolie drew madison

nicknames: j, jo, jojo (calling her this is a bit of a death sentence unless you have explicit permission), mads

date of birth: july twenty-ninth, 1992 (27)

zodiac: leo

sexual orientation: bisexual

birthplace: chicago, illinois

occupation: musician

hogwarts house: slytherin

mbti: enfj

suite #: 314

tw: drug use

past

born on a wednesday in chicago, illinois to a set of parents who had a very “informal” relationship to say the least — to make a complicated situation as cut and dry as possible, jolie’s parents were best friends with benefits. her mom wound up pregnant and decided to keep the baby. instead of jumping to some rash decision like getting married solely for the sake of their child, they decided to simply remain friends and split custody in the best way they knew how that didn’t require a mediator in the form of a family court judge. her parents remained close friends (and still are) once jolie was born; custody was weirdly split with jolie spending the majority of her time with her mom. they were an unconventional sort of family but a family nonetheless. dad does something with numbers (yes, think chandler bing), and mom is a local business owner.

as a kid, jolie never knew a stranger, and therefore had no trouble making friends once she hit school age. she was the kid who never found her niche group or “clique” because her feet were wet in several of them. school was not a miserable time for her. she had her friends, was a solid a/b student. jolie was a big perfectionist though, it not uncommon for her to beat herself up over something incredibly minute and self-sabotaging herself as punishment or because she didn’t know how to adequately process her feelings of anxiousness — she’d procrastinate, cut people off or drive them away, things of that nature.

music was always in her life, but it was a very casual thing in her world, situated on a backburner. it was something that she was able to bond over with her dad more so than her mom; her dad was a massive music junkie, loved sharing his favorite songs with her, bought her her first vinyl player when she was twelve and supplied her with every album under the sun, whether it was one she wanted or one of his favorites or just one he thought she might enjoy. she was in dance classes as a preschooler (this was an epic fail, because not even her rhythm could save her from the generally awkward disaster she is whenever she dances) and took piano lessons in elementary school, but she didn’t love either? she felt very restricted when it came to formal lessons, and almost needed the freedom to explore and learn it on her own terms — she ended up teaching herself guitar on her dad’s guitar on the weekends she spent at his place. there was also the 6 month stint her junior year of high school when she and some friends started a garage band (which jolie represses to a certain degree because the embarrassment it invokes is on another level) but it was mostly just an idea formulated from boredom and was something to pass the time, nothing really serious. 

jolie found herself at a bit of a crossroads after her graduation. most of her friends were off to college but college did not seem like the kind of environment for her. she didn’t know what she wanted to do with herself or her life, but she knew she had to do something. so she pretty much copied and pasted what one of her close friends was doing at the time, decided to go to northwestern and share an apartment with her and pray that something would speak to her along the way. spoiler alert: nothing did. her first year quickly fizzled and faded for her and most of her time was spent going to parties, embracing the social scene, the like. nothing of real educational value.  

she was still fucking around when it came to music; she’d met some people in one of her creative writing classes (the only class that she legitimately finished and enjoyed) and would go to open mic nights or other gigs around town. never meeting a stranger meant jolie was good at networking, making friends with other musicians — the more she spent time immersed in the world, the more she felt compelled towards music. she began writing songs that weren’t just the product of teenage angst (see: that awful high school band), even took a few music classes at northwestern. 

by the time she hit her junior year, she was over classes and was pretty much only taking filler classes still, wasting her money while she bar tended at one of the bars close by. but she’d never felt more creatively charged; she was putting her nose to the grindstone in writing songs, recording songs in her bedroom so she wouldn’t wake up her roommates, playing gigs on her nights off work literally anywhere that would take her, and using those new-er friendships to her advantage. she had gained some local traction but things really didn’t explode until she started posting original songs online and got contacted by a few record labels. jolie was hesitant to sign with anyone but she got one of her friends in pre-law to help her look over contracts and pretend to be her manager and eventually signed. subsequently, she dropped out of college and went to work on the music thing full time.

from 21-23, jolie was pretty much doing nothing but playing festivals and clocking in hours at studios. most of her time was spent on the road and she absolutely loved it  — she loved the music festival atmosphere, loved the crowds, loved meeting other bands and fans. she was pretty much touring on the few songs she had released, covers, and unreleased tracks from a wip, but it worked for her and it worked for the fans. she released her first album, ultraviolet on her 23rd birthday, and hit the road again. 

jolie missed her “college” life with the parties and socialization at her fingertips, so she started elbowing her way into that scene while she was on tour — at first, it wasn’t anything to bat an eye at, but jolie’s limits were very fluid. being on tour was draining and the perfectionist in her would always find something to berate herself about, and getting out of her head was the only way that she felt she could truly enjoy the whirlwind success that was happening to her. the drugs started as a one-time thing, just to try it, and then she was using regularly, and then it got to a point where she couldn’t go more than an hour without a line of coke. the drugs stripped away a lot of what made her jolie and left her with a more miserable, grouchier version of herself where her highs were almost normal and likable and the lows were hell to be around. 

she came off of ultraviolet’s tour and essentially jumped right back into the studio (she was beginning to break through in mainstream music, with her last promotional single off ultraviolet hitting mainstream radio and doing fairly well) for album #2. it was finished and ready to go, but by that point, the drug use had gotten to an all-time high and the constant turning a blind eye to it from her team was no longer possible. she ended up od’ing and that was it  — there was an intervention in the hospital room, and it was off to rehab for jolie. album got postponed and she basically fell off the radar.

she didn’t really make a “comeback” until she was knocking on 26′s doorstep, and by that point she’d been in rehab, getting sober, and then laying low for nearly two years. by the time she was releasing her first single for the new album cycle, she’d all but scrapped the record she’d made before rehab and had something else put together entirely. she released wonderland, which did very, very well. she toured for it and it was wildly different than anything she’d done prior — venues were bigger, more fans, just a whole different circus all around. 

probably the one thing she was more proud of than the music was her sobriety, and going on two years of being sober, not much else was important to her. she knew had a pretty black and white view of was good for her and what wasn’t, so after the tour wrapped, she decided to come home. she never pegged herself for the type to get “homesick” because her spirit was very much the wandering type, but she knew she needed to get out of la and nyc. back to chicago it was — which is how we get to the malnati. 

present

she’s in what she’d aptly describe as “professional limbo” — she’s not actively working on any one project, she’s just kind of floating until she can find something to tether herself to, whether it’s a single song or an album or something else that appears on her radar. she’s just taking things easy for the time being.

career wise, think marina, l*na —  more of a cult favorite than a mainstream artist. not going to get mobbed when she goes out and about, able to fly under the radar for the most part. as far as her music goes, i don’t necessarily know if i’ll claim any one artist’s discography and adopt as her own; in my head, jolie’s alt pop. think somewhere along the lines of hayley williams, st. vincent, tove lo, splash of the 1975.

personality wise at this point in her life: will charm the pants off of just about anyone she comes into contact with. flirty. a little goofy, hella sarcastic. there’s method to her madness even if no one else gets it. is still a little guarded when it comes to talking about herself. doesn’t mind talking about what’s happened to her but when it comes to the feelings and emotions as to why those things happened, she shuts down. it’s why she’s a musician: why talk about your feelings when you could just write them into a song and pretend they don’t exist beyond that, lmao. is the passive aggressive type, bottles things up and simmers. 

being in the kitchen and cooking has been a tactile sort of therapy for her, especially in her hiatus years. she loves trying new recipes, baking at random (all) hours, sometimes likes to pretend she’s on an episode of master chef. she’s a dork, your honor.

has a thing for polaroids. she has a blank moleskine notebook that she has put through a total ringer, gluing polaroids and other little mementos onto pages as a journal of sorts.

has a stick and poke tattoo (among other professional ones) on her ribcage that she gave herself when she was sixteen. it’s a tiny smiley face. 

her middle name came from her dad’s middle name (andrew).

if you want someone to go out with you at night (or during the day, she’s not picky) and just aimlessly wander around the city, letting things find you, she’s your girl. she loves a good adventure.

i headcanon jolie as predominantly dirty blonde/brunette lizzie? but she is also the type who has ruined her hair over the years over all the impromptu dying so... welcome to close your eyes and pretend hour.

plot ideas

this is by no means a comprehensive list of plots, just stuff off the top of my head that i’d like to see? again, i promise i don’t bite, so pls hmu if one of these appeals to you or if you just wanna brainstorm, i live for that shit!!

jolie’s a chicago native, went to college here, so 👀

meredith to her cristina — basically her best friend (not gender specific, either) who tells it to jolie like it is, doesn’t mind if she laments about how the world sucks every now and again, the person she’s calling if she needs help with a body

physically and/or emotionally, somebody who checks in on jolie and that she checks in on as well. we love a solid support system

exes — jolie’s a little bit (a lot of bit) of a player?? so i’d love to see exes that maybe didn’t end too hot, ex fwb or ex flings that never made it official, people she ghosted, exes that don’t want to get back together but don’t like seeing each other with anyone else, anything under that sun

jolie also is a Lowkey (read: highkey) commitment-phobe, but i’d rlly love for her to maybe have an ex that she was so In Love with that she was willing to push through it bc she saw herself with them forever..... and then, for reasons tbd, it ended, and it absolutely crushed jolie

someone who, on the occasion of needing to scratch an itch, is very good about getting the job done. it’s casual sex. there are zero romantic feelings involved, there is no getting jealous when the other person finds a relationship, the two are just good friends who have seen (and will probably continue to see) each other naked #yeehaw

maybe someone who was at one of jolie’s gigs when she was still playing bars that she bought a drink and kept in touch with or smth? or someone she met when she was still predominately playing small sets at festivals? idk i’m rambling someone stop me

a “muse”??? like, someone jolie is fascinated with / inspired by and she finds herself writing songs about / for

gimme someone who’s like an acquaintance at best, they’ve maybe got mutual friends and therefore they hang out a bit but they’re always arguing with one another for whatever reason (they both probably annoy each other) but they’ve got mad sexual tension going on? maybe they act on it, maybe they don’t, but either way, they lowkey enjoy the bantering and being at one another’s throats even if they act otherwise

jolie is a night owl, so... gimme someone who she can turn up at their room at some unholy hour (or that turns up at her room at said unholy hour) and watch a movie with or make a mess of the kitchen from fixing a premature breakfast

maybe someone who knew jolie when she was not in a good place?? and things are still v much tense / unresolved between them for whatever reason

and stuff for the event omg PLS *makes grabby hands*