#bordering a bit on mean 😢

[teafiend]

Jeong Nyeon’s press conference was so enlightening ✨

Kim Yoon Hye nodding along at PD-Jung’s compliments of Jung Eun Chae and her beauty+vibes, the mention of “Sohn: The Guest” and her role as Kang Gil Young being where she was fully noticed was so gratifying for this KGY and TG fangirl.

Thank you so much PD-nim 🫶🏽

[littlepadika]

Joel thoughts… What about Petal had a close encounter with an infected while little (Joel of course gets them out of it) and ever since then Petal has been scared to be little cause she feels guilty for putting her and Joel at risk so Joel is trying to coax her into little space and make her feel safe. 💝

noooo dis has me so so emo 😢 (thanks for ur patience bb). i hope you likie 💕

Close l Joel Miller x fem!Reader

Warnings: DDLG, scary situation, angy joel, angst and comfort, talk about littlespace

It was supposed to be safe, damnit. He had scouted this trail a few days ago to make sure there were no infected. The area around the meadow seemed quiet and secluded. Close enough to the border that the town took turns checking. It was sunny and all the wild flowers were in bloom. You were so excited to finally get out.

He should never have taken you there.

It was perfect for a moment. The sun lighting up every corner of the meadow and you had brought him a flower crown. You were in littlespace, not paying attention. Fuck, he wasn't paying attention. And that's when they came. Out of nowhere. Two of them. Running across the field, their horrible faces pointed right at you.

"Petal!" He had dropped everything and ran to you. He dropped his gun. What the hell was he thinking.

"Daddy!" Your wide smile now a wide scream as you met him halfway. You cling onto him and refuse to move.

"Come on, baby girl." He grabs you by the shoulders and tries to pull you back towards where his gun is lying under the shade of the tree. "We gotta run. Come on!"

"Daddy!" You're too scared. Frozen to the spot. You're clawing at his t-shirt like you're trying to crawl inside. And the infected are getting closer. It's the first time in a long time that he's seen one so up close. You look behind your shoulder and shriek. He feels his panic rise.

"Fuck fuck." Joe grunts. He can hardly focus. His heartbeat is loud in his ears and there's this awful sensation that he's been here before. He heaves you over his shoulder and makes a run for it. He knows he has about a five seconds to grab his gun and making the shot.

Joel couldn't tell you how he managed it. Managed to shoot the two in pursuit. He blacked out. All he knew is that he couldn't get you to talk for a few minutes.

"Hey... hey... you're safe." He held you close to his chest, blinking back his own tears that bubbled up.

"Daddy... daddy..." was all you were whimpering. Like you were stuck.

Other folk nearby heard the shots and showed up. Joel told them what happened.

"But why are you out here any way?" One of them, Harper, demanded.

"I thought it was safe. I mean- we're less than one mile from the border."

"It's my fault." You finally spoke up quietly from behind his shoulder.

"No-" he frowned immediately.

"I wanted to come out here." You hugged yourself. Shame bubbled in your tummy. "I was stupid."

"Just..." Harper sighed. "I'm glad ya'll are okay. We can't let our guard down for anything."

Joel bit down his retort as Harper gave him a disappointed glance. Joel wasn't reckless with you. But it sure seemed that way. All the adrenaline made his hand shake as it reached for yours.

"Are you alright?" He asked and he knew it was a stupid question.

"I'm sorry." You whispered, fresh tears sliding down your face. You looked so... ashamed. The shine of trust and innocence missing from your eyes.

"None of that, petal." He squeezed your hand. "It was- if anything it was my fault. You trusted me to watch out for you when you- when you were playing and I fucked up. Shit-" His voice cracked and he had to look away to compose himself. He felt disgusted with himself..

You shook your head. "No, Joel. If it weren't for you I- I would have- I almost killed both of us."

Joel wanted to disagree but he doesn't. He just hugged you and leads you back into the safety of the town's perimeter.

You decide then and there that you'd never be little again. It was too dangerous. You'd never be able to live with yourself if something happened to Joel. You hated yourself for bringing up painful memories for him. He was trying to hide it but you could tell he was beating himself up for it.

Your plan worked pretty well for a couple days. You kept yourself busy and pretend you were fine. You knew Joel could tell something was up. You felt his concerned eyes follow you. And it made you even more angry at yourself because you didn't want him to have to worry about you. You were sure if you told him your resolution to not be little that he'd try to talk you down. But it wasn't up to him.

"Petal don'tcha want April in the bed?" Joel asks on the third day after finding April sitting on the scratched up book shelf in the sitting room.

"Not today." You smile tightly.

"Petal... this ain't like you. To leave April all lonely."

"It's a stuffed animal, Joel." You snap back, some of your frustration boiling over.

Joel looks hurt by this. It was more than that. You loved your stuffie.

"Hey now..." He frowns.

"Stop!" You clap your hands over your ears. "Stop suffocating me!" And you regret it the moment it leaves your mouth. Your resolve crumbles and you run into the bedroom to avoid your tears being seen. No. be strong. Don't be weak. You can't do this anymore. You curled up on the bed, holding your legs to your chest.

"Petal..." Joel stomps after you, his voice rising. "We don't talk to each other like that. Now you may not wanna be my-my little girl anymore-" He sucks in a breath "but goddamnit we need to stick together. Not turn on one another."

When you don't turn around he sits on the bed a foot away from you and rubs his face. You hate feeling like you can't be close to him. But you know if you were to feel him you'd instantly crumble.

"Talk to me, petal. Please, baby. It's safe." He puts a tentative hand on your knee.

"Not safe. Not. I have to be big." You shake your head. Your voice growing quiet and soft. Joel felt his heart breaking in his chest. He hated to see you punishing yourself as if you were trying to have some semblance of control over what happened. "It's my fault I couldn't-I couldn't-"

"You ran to me. You did the right thing." Joel scoots closer.

"But I should have run faster. I should have stayed closer." You lament, hot tears gathering in your eyes.

"Hey..." Joel gently turns your face with the crook of his finger. You're eyes are big and wide and looking up at him with so much trust. He feels all his frustration melt away.

"It's not all on you... We both let down our guard but that don't mean we should hide who we are." Joel says with conviction. "Believe me, petal. I did that and I never want to go back. I don't want to see that happen to you." He cleared his throat in an attempt to keep his own emotions bubbling up.

"I'm so scared, daddy." You cry, sitting up and crawling into his arms. Giving up the fight and taking the comfort you so needed since the incident.

"Shit..." Joel feels some tears fall from his eyes as he presses a kiss into your hair. "Me, too, baby. All the time. But I feel somethin' else too..."

You look up to hear his response. He takes your hand in his and presses it into his chest where his heart beats fiercely. "I feel love. That's why I was able to fight my way to you that day. See... what we have doesn't make us weaker. It make us stronger. Gives me the fire to keep on fightin'."

You sit with that for a moment while Joel slowly draws circles over your knee.

"I'm sorry, daddy." You sniffle. He kisses your head again.

"I'm sorry, too, petal. I'm sorry this happened." Joel curls into you further. He wasn't going to let this fucked up world win. He wasn't going to give way to despair and fear. Even though so much was out of his control... he wouldn't fail again.

"How about this... you come up with a codeword for daddy when you wanna be little outside the house and that way I know to keep an extra close eye on you."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Daddies masterlist

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[2o3dinge]

Hi got to say I love keeping up with the blog from time to time, like the previous ask I also agree with the whole FL situation and how it fizzled out, most of it's there in the lyrics, I'm not a huge fan of the recent record but the connections are so significant like I can't believe he's still referencing a beautiful lie in two of those songs, we know the importance of that album where it was made, who was in his presence, a modern myth, etc 'how beautiful a myth (ahem lie) it was' .But I've been breaking down those songs on the new album, get up kid 'you had to be there, had to see it' as in you would never believe what happened between us on that set cause you weren't there 'you won't believe it' cause who could? 'god broke my heart' reminded me of honest to god (nice col reference) i will break your heart and then seasons is like just so in your face 'you're the one Colin...' yeah he probably was but you refused to grow up and kept him dangling for a lifetime, honestly he's become so insufferable since around 2015 (interstingly), and 'you slipped a couple of times' clearly a reference to someones struggles with sobriety,think C had a bit of a relapse in 2018, which happened to coincide with Js album America, thats basically just a sloppy rehash of a beautiful lie with its references to was it a dream? Another battle in Babylon (please 😂)and live like a dream was just a blatant remake of a modern myth (last night to say goodbye/tonights the last to say goodbye)what got me was the correlation or denial to acceptance between up in the air (is this the end I feel?) hail to the Victor (its not the end my friend)and never not love you (it was the end but my love what beautiful lie)oh and 'I'll never not die inside each time I hear your name' meaning he hears their name alot and it kills him so clearly quite famous is the ex, and looking lost, searching for what you found, meaning you found yourself and I'm still searching for myself, personally I think they agreed on space I'd say Colin is doing quite brilliantly and Jared, not so much maybe, don't know it's so tragic the whole thing when you dissect it, I remember how J kind of derailed a lot in 2015/2016 his posts were very sad and he talked of his cold broken heart in Dec of 2015 he was acting up big time, according to onlookers at coachella he appeared high as a kite , in Jan 2016 I remembered reading an interview with C where the interviewer asked him when the last time he cried was he said last week (so he was crying around the time J was bitching about his broken hear 💔)and C's answer felt genuine and he's a total sensitive soul, after reading Emma's book about their breakup which he initialized, she mentioned he kept wiping his tears away 😢 , there was one interview he did for the Lobster , early 2016 where he looked so sad and he talked about why we stay with people longer than we should and how much you can compromise yourself and get nothing in return, that was clearly personal experience he was speaking from and also J started spontaneously rock climbing around that time and 'reached the border...now I'm climbing up the walls'... sounds like a convenient fit. Lyrically the one link I found really interesting was how in up in the air he says 'I wouldn't trade an eye for your lies, your lust for my life' and then in the new album he says 'living the life I live, I couldn't hold you down' a complete u-turn, I took that to mean yeah you're not about the life I live anymore, I can't keep you interested in me cause you have real responsibilities and have grown. Sorry for the lengthy rant but every now and then I go down the rabbit hole with these two, so many twists and turns it's so intriguing 😂

Ooh sorry I haven't been on here for some time. Thank you for that ask! It's long, could've used a few paragraphs ;), but I love to read long rants about FL. It's gotten so rare. This strange rabbit hole has been following me for 13 years now (whut?!) I still feel the pull.

2015/2016 was when I needed a timeout from them... C was parading his much younger on-and-off amour around for several years without ever getting somewhere. But J was really starting to get on my nerves. This acting out, midlife crisis. With this barely-legal gf by his side, I don't know, he looked like an idiot. This really took off in summer 2014, but he knew her longer. Yuck. But you know, the way he treated her really put me off. Everything about it was a little loathsome.

So she won the lottery and good for her, but he? He's still tripping somehow, all mememe, and his conservative billionaire consort is insufferable, and I fear they don't have a good influence on each other. Or maybe they are good for each other, because they match their freaks as money hungry self-involved middle-aged bimbos/nerds. Gosh, I'm ranting without knowing where it comes from, but knowing he's constantly spending time with that man and his self-important thoughts, but never rekindled his connection with C is unfathomable to me. That guy has nothing on C, never had, never will! But he's the perfect mirror for J. I seriously doubt J's judgment.

I used to give him the benefit of doubt back then, but nowadays, I don't know, there's hardly anything authentic about him anymore. He's perfected his public persona and that's probably a wise thing to do, when you're always just one step away from pr disaster because of questionable behavior in your past, but I don't find him relatable or interesting at all anymore. He's bland and self-involved and moody, still craving attention, not even fighting it any longer. He's at peace with being like that? And I could see why C probably hasn't much in common with him at this point, what is there that would still connect them? I want to believe there's still some common ground...

Not the greatest fan of the last album either, mediocre, overproduced result for an album that was in the making for so long and allegedly had hundreds of songs written for it. All this hyperbole all the time. But yeah, the beautiful lie is still present. You mentioning Live like a dream is good ... this song is pure, unfiltered FL. I love it. The feelings expressed in his songs are conflicted, especially when one sees it over this 20 year period since Alexander: is it the end or not?, rejecting lies but living them yourself - all that makes it so realistic and plausible.