#boone is too depressed to really care enough to fight about anything

[bluehairedspidey]

"boone would hate gannon because he talks too much lol"

boone:

[askforfireman]

(???)/5 stars : would not recommend

re-vamped by Ree tagging: all (for funsies!)

NAME: Volke

BODY

height: 187cm (6/2ish)

strength ★★★★☆ ( 3 1/2 ; built solid so he's lucky ; boon for hefty contracts ; the Daein lifestyle of needing to be able to throw a solid punch)

dexterity ★★★★★ (he cannot be caught. ninja. only reason he's still kicking is by slipping the noose)

health ★★☆☆☆ (lackluster despite his demeanor - that Daein lifestyle of starving. did not help him grow with good health, but he manages)

energy ★★★☆☆ (health affects it, so weighed down by lackluster health ; training has significantly improved his energy levels ; busybody)

beauty ★★☆☆☆ (would consider himself average, but doesn't focus too much on cosmetics)

style ★★☆☆☆ (not a fashion guru. never claimed to be. won't be. practical over pompous.)

hygiene ★★☆☆☆ (is too used to going a hot minute without a nice cleanse so it's unfortunately habitual. is much better about it & trying to appear as professional as needed in his line of work)

SKILLS

perception ★★★★★ (he's nosy. he knows everything about you. works in intelligence - needs to be perceptive. literally puts his food on his plate)

communication ★☆☆☆☆ (awful. loner, not great with people. can communicate if need be but prefers to keep chit-chat short)

persuasion ★☆☆☆☆ (not-well liked or charismatic, so probably not the first person that will be listened to. also doesn't care too much about swaying someone. it's not his problem)

mediation ★☆☆☆☆ (might just sling two people who are quarreling into a wall and slink off. or might just slink off. never pays enough to get caught in the crossfire.)

literacy ★★☆☆☆ (Daein-lifestyle. he can read and write, but gets curt when people use fancy language because it's not his forte. below avg.)

creativity ★★★★☆ (Fireman for a reason - he puts out your problems. gotta be creative to get good reviews on yelp. questionable, but creative.)

cooking ★★☆☆☆ (can get by. only seasons with salt and pepper.)

tech savvy ★★★★☆ (nifty at figuring things out. typically catches on because he's observant)

combat ★★★★☆ (has to fight to land some jobs and keep going. has done it his entire life. it's like breathing.)

survival ★★★★★ (he's been doing it since day 1. grew up poor and lived everywhere. jack of all trades. the guy you want if the apocalypse comes)

stealth ★★★★★ (how else would he get his intel on people?)

street smarts ★★★★★ (grew up on the streets. knows every nook and cranny. knows where to go and where to avoid. knows who's hostile and who's not.)

seduction ☆☆☆☆☆ (not a charming bone in his body)

luck ★★★☆☆ (pretty average, but he doesn't believe too strongly in luck. humors the idea, but doesn't worship it)

handling animals ★☆☆☆☆ (no.)

pacifying children ☆☆☆☆☆ (I think we know how his and Veyle's thread is going)

MIND

intelligence ★★★★☆ (intelligent in the sense of adaptability is HIGH. has been adapting his entire life to this screwed up world. But book smart? no. can figure things out, but won't start posing complex questions. really just doesn't care.)

happiness ★☆☆☆☆ (he's indifferent. it's just life. ambles in limbo with his joy because it's a gray area that he just doesn't cater to. not depressed or anything close to it, but not very familiar with the feeling of complete happiness. strong gray area)

spirituality ★★☆☆☆ (doesn't really acknowledge the goddess but knows she's . . . real)

confidence ★★★☆☆ (avg ; self-esteem? all he feels is the weight of gold in his pocket, not the pressure/opinions of others)

humor ★★☆☆☆ (dry and deadpan like a desert. scoffs a lot - it's his laugh)

anxiety ★☆☆☆☆ (could not give any fewer fucks. might feel a tingle when he needs a job done quickly but probably won't)

patience ★★★★☆ (actually great! takes patience to have things go smoothly, and he'd rather succeed the first time on a job than have to do it again. +hard to get clients with impatience)

passion ☆☆☆☆☆ (is pretty much just existing. very monotonous life. not really passionate about anything. very tragic. )

nice         ★★☆☆☆     mean (doesn't come off as the nicest but doesn't intend to be mean)

brave       ★★★☆☆     cowardly (really doesn't care at this point?)

pacifist     ★★★☆☆     violent  (either or. not quick to temper)

thoughtful ★★★☆☆    impulsive (prefers to think things through)

agreeable ★★★☆☆     contrary (not here to start a fight but can finish one)

idealistic   ★☆☆☆☆     pragmatic (thinks idealists are blind dreamers)

frugal        ★★★★☆     big spender (grew up poor and will not blow his funds)

extrovert   ☆☆☆☆☆     introvert (not the crowd-sort. uh-uh. nope. leave him alone.)

collected   ★★☆☆☆     wild (more calm than anything. wild doesn't imply efficiency in the workforce)

ambitious / possessive / stubborn / jealous / decisive / perfectionist

SOCIAL

charisma ★☆☆☆☆ (he flusters when Ike thanks him. THANKS. bare minimum of social skills and he fucks it up)

empathy ★★☆☆☆ (understands that people might feel certain ways but doesn't connect with them. not his business unless he gets paid for it)

generosity ★★☆☆☆ (doesn't really work with a discount system. gets flustered attempting to be generous)

wealth ★★★★☆ (with the rates he charges? heh. the only issue is that . . . he's not a big spender. he's like a dragon hoarding gold.)

honest   ★★☆☆☆ deceptive (doesn't actively lie unless he needs to but that doesn't mean he gives complete truths either)

leader   ☆☆☆☆☆   follower (neither. just leave him alone. please. followed Ike to honor Greil. that was the one rule breaker)

polite     ★☆☆☆☆  rude (comes off as rude because he's awkward)

political ★☆☆☆☆  indifferent (largely indifferent until you start roping politics into scientific shenanigans like Izuka did)

BELIEFS

higher power ★★☆☆☆ (was with Ike's party when shenanigans went down, but isn't really spiritual)

fate/destiny ★★★☆☆ (not that poetic, but definitely feels like he's just existing so he could clock out one day and be alright calling it fate)

magic ★★☆☆☆ (he's seen it, yeah, but there isn't a magical bone in his body)

soulmates ★☆☆☆☆ (no. doesn't even think about feelings and you think he's gonna think about divine romancing? no.)

good and evil ★★☆☆☆ (literally exists in that gray area. believes more so in doing what needs to be done for you to survive.)

luck ★★☆☆☆ (likes the concept, but doesn't really think about it)

PRIORITIES

family ☆☆☆☆☆ (what family?)

friends ★☆☆☆☆ (they're clients. contracts. people that will pay him and then he'll move on.)

love ☆☆☆☆☆ (never really learned about it. never really had it. doesn't really acknowledge that it's a thing.)

home ☆☆☆☆☆ (home as in family? no. doesn't have that. doesn't know if he wants it, but certainly doesn't have it)

health ★★☆☆☆ (Daein-lifestyle. grew up lacking in it but worked himself out to a good constitution when he grew older. can start to slack on it if he's busy)

praise ☆☆☆☆☆ (please don't praise him. he's never been exposed to that sort of goodness, and it makes him awkward/uncomfortable)

justice ★★☆☆☆ (can differentiate great good from terrible evil, but it's largely gray to him. he gets paid either way)

truth ★☆☆☆☆ (he doesn't prioritize truth bc at the end of the day he can be honest or lie - whichever puts gold in his pocket)

power ★★★☆☆ (he doesn't think he needs many assets of power. considers himself content with what he has - it's gotten him this far. could always be improved, sure)

fame ★★★☆☆ (getting his name around gets business, but doesn't like an audience)

wealth ★★★★☆ (big priority because he grew up lacking it and longed for it so it's his way of satisfying everything that he's lacking but he simultaneously doesn't spend it because of that dread of being penniless again)

others' opinions ★★☆☆☆ (only cares because if word on the street of him is bad? no business. and that's not good.)

[corsairesix]

No one tagged me to do this but here goes

Rules:

1. Choose an OC.

2. Answer them as that OC.

3. Tag 5 people to do the same.

I’ll be doing this for Daisy LaPaige.

1. What is your name?

Daisy. Courier LaPaige if you wanna be formal, but no one really is.

2. How old are you?

I’ve almost stopped keeping track. That’s seventeen, plus three... plus... I’m twenty-eight.

3. What do you look like?

Worse than I used to. A few more scars, but nothing too bad. I used to tie my hair back, but I shaved it when I went east into Arizona to fight the Legion with Boone. I got an undercut when I recovered with the Khans in Wyoming, and I just kept it.

4. Where are you from? Where do you live now?

I’m from Bitter Springs, but you know how that turned out. I lived lots of places in the Commonwealth, now I’m back in the Lucky 38. Not the Presidential Suite anymore, but it’s still nicer than most of the Mojave.

5. What was your childhood like?

Fine, until the NCR shot at me and then the Legion came by to finish the job. Normal kid stuff.

6. What groups are you friendly with? Are you allied with any factions?

I’m proud to be a Follower in good standing. I was a Railroad agent and acting-general of the Minutemen too.

7. Tell me about your best friend.

Veronica and Piper. I guess I value people who speak truth to power.

8. Do you have a family? Tell me about them!

I was an only child, but all the Khans were family. My parents didn’t make it out of Bitter Springs, and the group I escaped with was attacked by a Legion raiding party soon after. Was that too depressing? I’m not alone anymore; Curie and I adopted Shaun - long story - and they live in the Lucky 38 with me.

9. What about a partner or partners?

Curie, my constant companion in the Commonwealth. We first realized we loved each other after killing hundreds of robots together in the Mechanist’s Lair.

10. Who are your enemies, and why?

Screw the Legion. When I lost my memory that was the only thing that came through. Sure, I have lots of enemies, but none I hated like those bastards. Luckily, they aren’t a problem anymore. Turns out spears and machetes aren’t that good against the USS Constitution.

11. Have you ever heard of The Brotherhood of Steel? What do you think about them?

I, uhh, have a bad habit of blowing them up. Danse says they were different in the Capital Wasteland, but I think the whole idea is dangerous. Technology should be used to help people.

12. What about The Enclave?

Don’t know much, but I don’t trust much of anything pre-war that isn’t a ghoul. I’d be especially worried if most of them were like Moreno. Cannibal Johnson seems fine though, I think he plays cards with the rest of the old men at Longfellow’s cabin on Lake Mead.

13. How do you feel about Super Mutants?

I like them well enough when they like me. Marcus and Neil are good men, Erikson too. Arcade makes fun of me for trying to recreate Vim in the Mojave, but I wonder if it can help the Nightkin like it helped Erikson.

14. What’s the craziest fight you’ve ever been in?

Definitely fighting the Mechanist’s robots. Isabel didn’t make that one easy. I don’t hold it against her though, she’s a good kid. I had so much adrenaline after that fight I just blurted out to Curie that I loved her.

15. Have you ever fought a Deathclaw?

More than I care to count.

16. Do you like fighting?

Not particularly. When I first got better armor and a gun, I found I could shoot through the Gunners in the Mass Fusion building like it was nothing. I don’t like that. Even if they are fighting me, if I have to kill someone, it should be hard.

17. What’s your weapon of choice?

Gauss rifle if I have a spotter. Missile Launcher otherwise. I’m pretty good with my Western revolver too.

18. How do you survive? Your wits, your charm, your skills, brute force, some combination? (a.k.a. what’s your S.P.E.C.I.A.L?)

I’m strong, but I don’t have a great constitution, so I prefer to talk my way out of things.

19. Have you ever been in a vault? What do you think about them?

A few of them. Only one I liked was Vault 81, and that was mostly because it had some nice kids and Curie in it.

20. How do you beat all the radiation around here? Has it affected you?

Various pills. Medical use only, of course. I wore Ulysses mask for a while, but I don’t know how he breaths in that thing.

21. What’s your favorite wasteland critter?

Gotta say I’m not a fan of animals. Cats and crows are nice, since they don’t attack me.

22. What’s your least favorite wasteland critter?

Lakelurks. What are those things anyway? There’s no way they’re actually related to Mirelurks, right?

23. How do you feel about robots?

Considering I’m married to a former robot, pretty good. Also Yes Man helped me liberate the Mojave, and my army of robots helped me liberate Arizona.

24. How many caps do you have on you right now?

Oh I don’t keep track of that anymore. The Mojave Follower’s Government takes care of me now, so ask Sophia Mobius how many caps I have.

25. Nuka Cola or Sunset Sarsaparilla?

I’ve been told I’m the only person who says this, but Vim. You can’t enjoy Nuka Cola after growing up with radiation-free Sunset, and I can’t drink Sunset after having a breakdown trying to find star caps in the bottling plant for Festus.

26. Do you do chems?

Not unless it’s an Emergency. I’ve done Turbo a couple times I needed to run really fast.

27. Do you ever think about the Pre-War world?

Can’t say I’m a fan. My one gripe with the Minutemen is how they try to copy the old world just like House or Caesar. I trust Preston to not fall off the deep end though.

28. What’s your deepest regret? What would you do differently?

Agreeing with DIMA’s plan to replace Tektus. Wiping a synth’s mind... now it seems like murder. Especially after talking about it with Glory. I could have just walked into the Nucleus and killed the cult, all of them. Would that have been better than sacrificing one synth? I was just so tired of the killing.

29. What’s your biggest achievement? Or what do you hope to achieve?

I want to say destroying the Legion, but that’s not really it. Making the Mojave a place where people can be free, and making a safe place for synths in the Mojave and Wyoming.

30. What do you want for the future? For yourself? Your friends? The world?

I just want to rest and host my radio station. And maybe make life a little easier for everyone else.

Thanks for reading! I tag @fallout-fallen-knight, @cassidycaravan, @holorifle, and @confirmedwidowlafemme

[esseastri]

Megan Reads Oathbringer (part last)

I said I’d finish this book before it had been out for a full year, and that’s the 14th, iirc, so I have tonight and tomorrow, but I will finish this book tonight if it kills me, I s2g, I’m ready to be done.

Part 13 encompasses pages 1054-1233 (previous parts)

WE ARE SO CLOSE, GUYS

OH, I wanted to talk a lil bit about the end of part 4, now that I’ve had a sleep and some time to think about it. I still don’t really like it, but I think I can better articulate why.

I feel like a LOT of it is personal preference for Really Not Liking It when my Heroes Turn Out to Have Been Bad Guys All Along. that’s. not fun for me. I don’t find it appealing in any way. 

and I know that Brandon is a big fan of his lil ~Sanderlanches~ of emotion, but tbf I think the Recreance bombshell got a little lost in Taravangian’s deluge of bad news. The major impact of that reveal SHOULD have been--yeah, the humans are and have been the aggressors all along. But instead it gets a little undermined and rolled up wholesale into Dalinar Has Been a Bad Before and We Guess He Is Now Too. It feels like it should have been a separate moment for everyone--for ALL the monarchs in the coalition--to realize that...THEY are ALL the bad guys. All of humanity is the bad guys. But it gets overshadowed by their belief that Dalinar has betrayed them and gets dumped squarely on his shoulders so that it’s less about Humanity and more about One Human--who has been our hero for 3,000 pages and now just utterly crashed which is ALREADY upsetting enough without everyone else ignoring THEIR part in it all.

So what I’m saying is that I still feel like the end of part 4 was really badly handled as there should have been two, separate focal moments that got overlapped badly (worldbuilding vs character moments). But I’ve talked to Lisa and Alyx about stuff and I’m a lot chiller with the actual CONTENT of the reveal, and actually looking forward to seeing how that plays out. 

tl; dr: feeling better about the content, still very unhappy with the execution.

ANYWAY:

INTERLUDES

“Her people couldn’t be completely gone....could they?” Ah, Venli has reached the Denial stage of grief. that’s. good?

or rather, I suppose...she’s been there all along.

mmmm, I wonder if the different rhythms were created because the Parshendi don’t really do facial expressions, right? like they are crustaceaous, regardless of which form they’re in, so it’s not like shells do a good job at. smiling. Idk, I just wonder if the different hums are bc they don’t really interpret body language the same way humans do.

“The strongest and most skilled of our number are yet to awaken” YOU MEAN THERE’S MORE AND WORSE OF YOU? Great.

You know what I want? An Edgedancer size “novella” about Rysn.

wait, I thought larkins were bad?

aren’t larkins bad?

nvmd, I asked Lisa, they eat stormlight, so Bad For Spren, but not inherently bad. I like having Lisa here to remind me of things I Knew At One Point But Have Since Forgotten Due To Reading So Many Other Things heheh

I love these two Thaylen nERDS

Vstim is a GOOD DAD AAHH

you know, that’s something that’s always sorta bothered me--how do Rosharans go around wearing jewelry that’s giving off enough light to see by? How is that not...overbright and distracting and uncomfortable?

WHOA WHAT

I WAS NOT EXPECTING MURDER 

omg the larkin is eating the gemstone that’s been glowing for 200 years, CHIRI-CHIRI NOOO

o_o

right

it makes sense that the voidbringers would have lightweavers, the fused are basically windrunners, but tbh I didn’t think about. you know. evil people that could disguise themselves as ANYTHING #YIKES

yeEAAHH MY GIRL

COME ON BRANDON, GIMME A RYSN ADVENTURE NOVEL. RYSN AND THE LOST TREASURE OF SOMEWHERE-WITH-TOO-MANY-CONSONANTS! PLS.

anyway, on to the main event for the evening: Megan Sobs Her Way Through the Teft Interlude i’m SURE

“the men of Bridge Four would tire of digging him out of trouble” NEVER.

HE HAS A SPREN

SHE’S BEEN THERE A WHILE, APPARENTLY!!??

HELP

uh oh

no

hold on

WHY IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG AT THE BRIDGE FOUR BARRACKS

WHY IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG

NO

NO

ABSOLUTELY NOT

WHY ARE THERE BRIDGEMEN WHO ARE BLEEDING

I REFUSE

I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD IF HE KILLS ROCK I AM NOT FINISHING THIS BOOK

I’M NOT EVEN KIDDING

HE KILLED ETH???? AFTER HE KILLED MART IN THE LAST ONE HE HAD TO GO AND KILL OFF THE OTHER BROTHER? FUCK OFF, BRANDON

NO

I’ DON’T WANT THIS

PART FIVE, LET’S GET THIS DOOOONNNE

........there are thirteen, maybe (probably) more POVs in this part?

fuck, Brandon, if I wanted to hop around that much, I’d suck it up and read Martin. Uggghhhhh, I hate this.

HAHA whoops, I didn’t realize it was a flashback chapter and I was like “why is present!Dalinar in a stormWAGON?” and then I realized

“wild chickens range this far east” and I KNOW they mean crows or blackbirds or starlings, but. chickens. is still. such a good worldbuilding note.

“felt both an anxiety to be finished and--at the same time--a reluctance to progress.” B I G M O O D

Brandon: *describes the Nightwatcher* Me, whispering: “yiiiikes”

“What is your boon?” “Forgiveness.” CAN YOU IIIIMAAAAGIIIIINNE

OH SNAP

is that...actually Cultivation?

“I didn’t get what I wanted.” “You got what you deserved.” OOF. OOF. How does fifteen points of damage taste?!

“I control all things that can be grown, nurtured. That includes the thorns.” HM

OKAY

I like her.

HA I WAS RIGHT

EVI WAS THE COST NOT THE BOON. HA

tbqh, I’m still not entirely clear on the boon. I guess...she took away the guilt? or the memories that made the guilt? hm.

HE HAD NEVER DESERVED HER.

AAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA DAMN FUCKING RIGHT, DALINAR. GOD. YUP. AMEN

merrgghhhh pov shits within chapters grumble grumble grumble

oh dear

big battle time.

yaassss

ok, but the army of spren at the Oathgate might be friend spren. have you checked?

I’m still hung up on Kholinar, ngl, someone, for the love of god, tell me if Skar and Drehey are all right. alive. s o m e o n e pls care about these bridgemen as I do.

(and don’t say Kaladin cares, I KNOW HE DOES BUT HE HASN’T MENTIONED THEM IN 200 PAGES/FOUR WEEKS OF TRAVEL TIME, MMKAY?)

heh, Jasnah being all “Amaram’s bad guys can soak up the arrows while the rest of us escape” and usually, I’m very against the lil foot soldiers getting slaughtered for the misdeeds of their commanders, but if people are still following Amaram, they have Bad Priorities and I’m with Jasnah on this one.

I’m confused

Renarin’s spren is weird?

Jasnah thinks he’s a traitor?

I’m??? CONFUSED AND UPSET???

LET! THE BOY! LIVE!

WHICH ONE OF THEM IS CORRUPTED, IS IT JASNAH? MAYBE IT’S JASNAH?

Me: “Maybe it’s Jasnah???? She spent a lot of time in Shadesmar!” Lisa: “Maybe it’s Maybeline.”

She’s rude and I love her.

OH WHAT HOLD UP

VENLI IS IN THE KNIGHTS RADIANT CHAPTER?

or is it just...anyone listed at the beginning can be in any chapter?

SHE IS NOT LISTED SEPARATELY. HO SHIT

WHAT

YEAH THAT’S THE THING THAT BOTHERS ME: The fused just. sending in regular parshendi parshmen signers whATEVER TO FIGHT. THEY DON’T HAVE TRAINING. THEY’RE GOING TO GET MASSACRED. THAT’S NOT! GOOD! MILITARY! STRATEGY!

ugh, I’m still just. mad about the Recreance reveal.

The humans are the bad guys, fine. But the FUSED ARE DEFINITELY, ABSOLUTELY NOT THE GOOD GUYS??? so what was the point?

SEE SHIT LIKE THIS: “You are here to do as you’re told. In return, you are rewarded with further opportunities to serve.” what the fuuuuuuucckk

like, they’re still BAD GUYS

Here’s the thing--the Recreance reveal doesn’t really change anything. The human heroes are still going to choose the options that are “good” or “right”--Dalinar was already suing for peace, Kaladin was already making friends with the listeners--so saying “these humans in the past were evil” doesn’t change their choices. It doesn’t change the Fused’s choices either--saying “these guys were good in the past” doesn’t make them good guys now--OBVIOUSLY, just look at that dialogue.

So why bother?

The whole series is about choosing to be better, to do better, but the characters were ALREADY DOING THAT, they didn’t need an extra, super depressing motivator to do that. It’s just there to....reinforce the idea? That’s already pretty solid?

idk, I’m still REALLY struggling with this

sigh

back to Venli

hm

so, Odium can CHOOSE what he looks like when he appears--obviously he doesn’t REALLY look like a parshendi, bc he’s not actually their god. If the humans were the voidbringers originally, then he’s theirs, no?

also, # y i k e s, there he is

TEFT IS IN THE RADIANT POV HELL YAH

“You don’t want me. I’m broken.” YES, DARLING, THAT’S THE POINT.

I love him so much I just want to hug this sad uncle of mine

AAAHHH FUCK  THE KHOLINAR GATE

WAIT, MAYBE SKAR AND DREHY WILL SHOW UP FUKIN FINALLY

“This is winnable” IS IT THO

BECAUSE LITERALLY NOTHING ELSE IN THIS BOOK HAS BEEN AND AIN’T THAT JUST FUCKING DEPRESSING

oh fun! the thing from the cover! finally!

Here’s the thing: three years ago, I would have loved this book. Three years ago, overwhelming odds and impossible battles and the downward, angst slide of all my favorite characters would have been SO MUCH FUN to read. But now? This year? I’m fucking over it. I’m done. Give me optimism or give me death.

I’m exhausted enough in the real world, I don’t need to be exhausted by the books I’m reading.

“You mind holds firm” UH HUH SURE. P SURE NONE OF THE FUSED ARE SANE, bUT THAt’S FINe

“Could he defeat six? Did he need to?” THE IMPLICATION THAT: IF HE NEEDS TO, OF COURSE HE CAN. I’M LOVE KALADIN SO! MUCH!

DO WE FINALLY GET TO STAB AMARAM!!!!!!!????? FINALLY!!!

DOES KALADIN GET TO KILL HIM? BECAUSE I WILL BE REALLY, REALLY MAD IF KALADIN DOESN’T GET TO KILL HIM

OMG I’M SO HERE FOR THIS

MY BOY

KALADIN RECOGNIZING HIS PROGRESS AND KNOWING THAT HE’S GOT SYL AND BRIDGE FOUR, AND PURPOSE AND THAT HE’S GONNA STAY ALIVE FOR THEM, FOR IT. THAT EVEN THO LIFE SUCKS HE’S GONNA STICK AROUND BC THERE’S GOOD PARTS TOO. KALADIN REALIZING HE’S STRONG AND STRONGER WITH HIS PEOPLE. I’M SO

MY HEART IS SO FULL AND I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

OOOHHH NOO THAT”S HOT

where’s my Kaladin alone in combat stance facing down 6 fused and GLOWING ART BC I NEEEEEEDD IITTT

my soul

I love him

my soul

You know what? Kaladin never gets the Thrill. I bet it’s because he’s too good for this world.

ahhh fuck they got the thing

at least Rysn and Vstim are still alive! for now.

why do they want the thing tho

whose heart is it

WORRIED ABOUT RENARIN 2K18

heheheh Pattern, “I do not like being stabbed” no, you are usually doing the stabbing, huh? heheh

ADOLIN KISS SHALLAN! ! AHH!! YAY!!!

SOFT BEFORE BATTLE THIS GOOD

god, yup. “Um, hello.” SPEAKING TO THE OATHGATE SPREN WOULD BE SO SCARY

the Argonath spren. Oathgonath? Argonoath? Argonoath. heh

I’ll take Bad Lord of the Rings Puns for 300, Alex

COME ON, VENLI. SPEAK ME SOME WORDS, GIRL.

Oh hey it’s Gawx! Wacky fun.

aahhh shit, it WOULD look like the Alethi were betraying everyone else for real. SIGH.

come on, Lift, get them to help. come on, come on, come on

can we unforbid it? esp since Honor is fucking dead and doesn’t care what’s forbidden or not?

“A man can rule his lands until the citylord demands his taxes. The citylord controls his lands until the highlord, in turn, comes to him for payment. But the highlord must answer to the highprince, when war is called in his lands. And the king? He...must answer to God.” BUT DARKNESS--WHAT IS GOD TO A NON-BELIEVER?

“Don’t be stupid. Let’s go fight those guys.” AMEN, NIGHTBLOOD.

“But it had always been nothing more than a rock.” YEEEESSSS OMG. SZETH!!! FINALLY UNDERSTANDING.

KALADIN NO

goddamnit

UH??? WHY IS NAVANI POV IN THE RADIANTS CHAPTER???? BRANDON??? WHAT DO I NOT KNOW?

Dalinar continues to be an extra son of a bitch, and I love him.

ok, I’m betting it’s just anyone’s POV can be in any chapter, ‘cause the symbol hasn’t changed. so nevermind. I retract my questions about Venli and Navani.

HI LIFT

I LOVE YOU

“Did you forget to feed them?” I’VE MISSED HER WHY ISN’T SHE IN ALL THE CHAPTERS

“Wyndle doesn’t like hurting people” I !!!! LOVE! THEM!

PLS BE CAREFUL ADOLIN AAAHH

NO???

NOOOOOOOOO??

DON’T?? STAB THE SUNSHINE BOY????

I’M?

his sord

w

swor

d aah

she protec hiom

uuuuuhhhhjfghmgdh

hmfzngrsmkdc

oh snap hold on

Hello Darkness is gonna swap sides? Not that he was really ever on our side, but like. “will make the transition to obeying the Dawnsigners easier” OBEYING? I’m.

that’s Not Great.

“Leave me”? ????? EXCUSE?? NO!!!?? ABSOLUTELY NOT, SUNSHINE BOY, WTF

he has more words

WORDS

GASP

AAHH

LISTEN, DALINAR, ADOLIN IS THE DUELLING BOY. IF YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE A CHAMPION FOR A ONE-ON-ONE DUEL. YOU NEED ADOLIN. AND HE’S BUSY BEING STABBED AND ALSO NOT HERE AND I’M

YELLING

UNEXPECTED SZETH FALLING FROM THE SKY TO SAVE LIFT??? I’M HERE FOR IT

oohh szeth. honey bunches of oats. one day--one day--you will realize that you don’t actually need a master. and you will become something more.

even if you’ve picked dalinar as your new master, which is good, bc following good men is better than bad ones, buT STILL

also, how come we didn’t get to hear his Words??? I WANT TO KNOW ALL THE WORDS. BAD POV SWITCH MADE ME MISS OUT ON SKYBREAKER IDEALS. BOO.

UGH, STAB HIM, NAVANI

ah. ShalASH, got it

there’s Too Much going on, tbqh.

*quietest of wimpers*: taln

help

aahhh darnit, ok. it IS Renarin that’s corrupted. someone PLS let this boy have, like, A MOMENT of peace

oh for fuck’s sake

Let Dalinar fucking have a moment

COME ON

HE’S THE G O O D G U Y, PLS

I’m suffering

RESIST, DALINAR

AAHH

genuinely don’t think you should just be waving Nightblood around

sheathe that motherfucker

pls

also, if Szeth said his words, shouldn’t he have bonded a spren? Doesn’t have have a sprensword? so maybe he....could stop? using Nightblood? 

somebody help Taln, I AM TOO FAR AWAY TO HUG HIM PLS HUG HIM

THIS IS WHY YOU DON’T USE NIGHTBLOOD

JUST SAYIN’

BLESS NAVANI. SHE HAS INVENTED THE TAZER

or possibly weaponized the Cruciatas Curse, but EITHER WAY: NICE.

“Dalinar pulled the Way of Kings close to his chest, clutching it like a child with his blanket at night” MOOD ALSO SAME I FEEL THIS ABOUT MY COPY, TOO

STOP KILLING BRIDGE FOUR

I WILL YELL AT YOU, BRANDON

I WILL SEE YOU ON THURSDAY AND I WILL YELL AT YOU

“Dalinar Kholin is no more” UH HUH, SURE

That would be boring. We’ve already seen the Blackthorn. It’s boring unless we get something new.

fuck off amaram

gross? not recommended.

don’t swallow foreign objects

something GOOD HAS TO HAPPEN SOON OR I’M GONNA FUCKING SCREAM

I’M TIRED GIVE ME HOPE

IT’S BEEN, LIKE, 300 PAGES SINCE ANYTHING GOOD HAS HAPPENED

BRIDGE FOUR KEEPS DYING, ADOLIN GOT STABBED, DALINAR IS BEING TORTURED, FOR FUCK’S SAKE C O M E O N

(purposely forgeting Lift showing up and Navani tazing people in her assessment of how many pages it’s been since good things have happened)

NO FUCKING SHIT, KIDDO!!! THE FUTURE IS MALLEABLE!!! IT CHANGES!! OF COURSE IT CAN BE WRONG

oh

duh

even I had that wrong--the NEXT step, not the first

GOOD

STAND UP

AAAAHHH

“If I didn’t do those things, it means that I can’t have grown to become someone else.” AND YOU DID! YOU DID GROW! LOOK AT YOU! FINALLY YOU ARE REALIZING IT ONLY TOOK 3FUCKINGTHOUSAND PAGES AAAHHH

YAAAS

YOU’RE MY FAMILY

AAAHH

GOOD SOFT JASNAH!!! NOT A THING I EXPECTED BUT HERE WE ARE

“Maybe it’s time for someone to save you.” *MEEP*

hel p

that’s intense

AAAHHHH

EVI IS A GOOD AND I LOVE HER AND SHE DESERVED BETTER ALSO SOFT AND GOOD AAHH

# yikes

but like, a good yikes

yeah, you fucking better apologize to him

Taln deserves an apology form every single person on this planet, and that includes all the Heralds, and the Heralds owe him, like, a hundredbajillion apologies extra

I have emotions

and opinions

HE’S SO GOOD

AND SOFT

MY GODSON

OH MY GOD

OHHHH MYY GOOODDDDDD

HE’S SO GOOD

oh no I love him so much

TEEEEFFT

FINALLY

YES

GOOD WORDS I’M CRYING OH NO

HE’S

SO MUCH

all my soft boys

best boys

dominoes with crystal transformation? MORE GOOD YIKES

YEESSSSS

KALADIN!!!!!

VS

FUCKFACE!!!

HERE WE GO

LOOK KALADIN, YOU DID SAVE HIM!!! YOU PUT THE SYLSPEAR IN JUST THE RIGHT PLACE TO BLOCK THE SWORD AND YOU DID SAVE DALINAR, LOOK AT YOU

NOW PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE STAB THE EVERLIVING FUCK OUT OF AMARAM

STAND UP AND DO BETTER

LOOK IT’S WHAT i’VE BEEN SAYING THE WHOLE TIME

yes good, heal Adolin, thank you

GOD FUCKING BLESS

LITERAL ORDERS TO STAB THE FUCKFACE

THANK YOU

ofuck he did swallow it

Not Great

every time Adolin talks to his sword, my heart leaps. he actually apologizes and also thanks her and I just! want her to know! how much he loves and appreciates her!

WAKE UP, SWORD! MAKE HIM RADIANT!

COME ON

FUCKING

YOU ABSOLUTE HOOKWORM I CANNOT BELIEVE

TWO SHARDBLADES. OF FUCKING COURSE HE NEVER GOT RID OF KALADIN’S. FUCKING

PIECE OF

ROTTEN SHIT I’m. hate him.

so

much

ooohh Shallan!!!!!! I’m proud of her!! She’d created them to be strong when she wasn’t but she doesn’t need them now aahh!!

OH HEY, FEN’S SON DOES HAVE A NAME and it’s a garbage Thaylen name. Kdralk? all right then

“Life could not be lived making decisions at each juncture.” Szeth.... Szeth that’s. that’s...exactly what life is??? That’s. how you do, actually, live life? I’m ???? ??

‘at the top, they found a jumble of Sadeas troops chipping at a door with hand axes. “I can probably get through that a little easier.”’ HEHEHEH

Lov me a sunshine boy

GOD FINALLY

LET! NAVANI! GRIEVE! THANK YOU

ADOLIN IS SUCH A GOOD COMMANDER, GOD

EXCELLENT TACTICS

I’M SO PLEASED

It’s very satisfying to get Kaladin fighting Amaram and Dalinar fighting the thrill Unmade at the same time

fINALLY something SATISFYINg in this book

listen, I love having the visual of Jasnah’s effortless airsteps from the cover, but I’m still REALLY Disappointed that the covers don’t match up with the flashback character.

It’s Dalinar’s book, it should be Dalinar on the cover, but WHATEVER, WHELAN, ugh.

THANKS FOR ALL THE BROKEN BONES, I HATE IT

It’s never fair when the bad guy brings so many friends to the party.

SHE FINALLY HAS A NAME YES

MAYA IS A GOOD SWORD AND I LOVE HER

eeyyyy GOOD JOB, VENLI!!!

PETITION FOR SUNSHINE BOY TO STOP GETTING HURT

ngl, his is the battle I’m actually most invested in rn, other than Kaladin, I just.

want him to be okay

“half expecting Skar and Drehy to be there to pull him to his feet. Storms, he missed those bridgemen.” ME FUCKING TOO, ADOLIN. WHERE ARE THEY ARE THEY OKAY 

AAHH!! Renarin gets to protect Adolin THAT’S SO NICE GOOD

I ADORE that Lift and Dalinar are besties. It’s the BEST dynamic, such an interesting combo, and I LOVE IT.

“Amaram was screaming in pain.” GOOD.

WONDERFUL. AMAZING.

BRILLIANT.

FRAME IT.

Overconfident fuckface took his own helmet off, bless hiS HEART

“I hurt, once...after I killed your squad, I hurt.” OH BOO HOO, POOR BABY FELT A TWINGE OF GUILT FOR A HOT SECOND I DON’T FEEL BAD FOR YOU, YOU ABSOLUTE FUCKWEASEL

oh, gross

thanks

THE SPEAR THAT DOESN’T BREAK AAAHHHHHH MY SOUL

OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE, WE WERE SO CLOSE

it’s ok, we just need one more good solid hit on that gemheart and we’re DONE WITH THIS LOSER

A DOZEN

RENARIN CAN’T FIGHT A FULL DOZEN BY HIMSELF? OH MY GOD

not good

uugghh fuck Malata, I DON’T TRUST HER

Renarin is very brave. A Good.

OH WAIT, TEFT CAN OPEN THE OATHGATE

YAAASSS

YAAAAAAAASSSS

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASASSSSSSSSSSSSS

I’M SO HAPPY

TEFT OPENED THE OATHGATE

LOOK AT MY BOYS

*SCREAMING CONTINUES*

PHEW ROCK IS ALIVE, I CAN KEEP READING

“YOU LOOKED LIKE PERSON WHO NEEDED HUG” ROCK IS THE BEST I LOVE ROCK I’VE MISSED HIM SO MUCH

Oh right, Dalinar’s still, like. doing stuff. I forgot, ‘cause it’s. Nothing’s happening with it.

Should be focal, but there’s. So much going on.

COME ON, KALADIN, YOU’VE GOT WORDS WEIGHING DOWN YOUR TONGUE.

COME ON, DARLING, PLEASE.

ok that’s acceptable

not ideal

but beautiful

a good, solid Rock.

I will accept this end.

Bridge Four is so, so, so important, I cannot express in words.

oh, quiet screaming:

Moash chapter

oooohhhh buddy

One day, you’ll wake up.

Until then, my very garbage brain will write fic, and it will be glorious.

how do people not ship this

he literally helped her remember herself

he recognized her in her sea of selves and pulled her out, cOME ON

THIS IS THE SOFTEST OF SHIPS AND I’M CRYING

AAHH VENLI!! PROGRESS!!! also what order, I must know

whoo Braize IS Damnation, called that shit, like, a book and a half ago.

“only Ishar survived with his mind intact” A RE Y O U V RE Y SU RE AB T T H A T? ???

oh. those are boring Words, but okay. makes sense, the Skybreakers are kinda. Meh.

ugh, we still have to deal with Hello Darkness My Old Friend? He’s going to come oversee training? ugh.

BEST KISS BEST KISS BEST KISS

OTP: NO MATING

OTP

BEST

KISS

YES

“You mentioned something about kissing me until I can’t breathe, but here I am, not even winded--”

B E S T K I S S BEST BEST BEST KISS

“I don’t think I loved her, Syl. I felt...something. A lightening of my burdens...” THE FEELING WAS FRIENDSHIP BUT NEITHER OF THEM HAD EXPERIENCED IT BEFORE.

“I knew you’d come for me.” brb crying forever

I don’t know if you know this, but I really love Bridge Four.

“We lift the bridge together, Teft. And we carry it.”

[cries quietly into that sentence for the rest of eternity]

TARAVANGIAN IS LITERALLY CONFESSING, BUT WHO WANTS TO BET DALINAR FORGIVES HIM AND STILL TRUSTS HIM

i s2g, Dalinar’s pure goodness is going to be the thing that kills him, in the end.

MOASH WHAT THE FUCK

JEZRIEN

I KNEW Ahu was a Herald, HA, but JEZRIEN HOLY FUCK  

actually dead or just bound in the sapphire bc it IS glowing, so. hm.

hm

god

Moash, plllleeeaasseeeeeeeee ugh

ahhh YAY LOPEN!!!

but it. should have been Moash. It was always supposed to be Teft and Moash and Skar and Rock.

And I love Lopen, really, I do. b ut.

I’m also:

~*~GARBAGE~*~

mmmmm ACTUAL FATHER? OR? HMM

I’M WORRIED ABOUT MY ANCIECT GODCHILDREN OKAY? HELP THEM.

OH THANK FUCK

SKAR AND DREHY ARE OKAY

SKAR AND DREHY PROTECT THOSE WHO CANNOT PROTECT THEMSELVES!!!!????

THAT’S!!!! THEY DID THE THING???!!! THEY’VE GOT THE WORDS!!!

LOOK AT MY BOYS GO! LOOK AT THEM ALL!!

TEFT AND LOPEN AND SKAR AND DREHY!!!!

I’M SO PLEASED

oh yeah they saved the kid that’s good

LOOK! AT! MY! BOYS!!!!!

Taravangian might be the ONLY fictional grandpa that I dislike

I always like the grandpas.

but noT THIS ONE

hm

by becoming king of the world and then asking odium to spare everyone he ruled, he was going to save everyone.

Not

actually a bad plan

Not a great one, obviously. but. not a terrible one.

Too bad it was NEVER GOING TO WORK

oh fuck off, he stole the Honorblade, which means Malata probably killed Eth, so GOOD NOW I HAVE A SOLID, CONCRETE REASON TO HATE HER, GOOD.

“Why would [Taravangian] work with the enemy? Everything he’s done so far has been to secure a safe Roshar--if through brutal means. Still, I have to wonder. I can’t afford to be too trusting.” I CAN’T BE TOO TRUSTING, EXCEPT TARAVANGIAN, I’LL DEF TRUST HIM OF COURSE, Dalinar, pLEASE

I’m dying, you gotta. ugh

he’s EVIL COME ON

ppppssssssst

*put Jasnah on the throne*

we need someone who’s good at diplomancy, who can inspire people and command them! GEE WHO’VE WE GOT WHO CAN DO ALL THOSE THINGS AND LOOK SHARP AF DOING IT?

I W ON D E R

oh holy shit, they actually did it

they actually did put Jasnah in charge

holy fuck

YEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSS

EXCELLENT

really moash

the stolen honorblade

HE WHO QUIETS --admittedly a great assassin epithet, but

Mooooooaaaaaaaassshhh

S I G H

okay, so we figured out that Sja-anat is anti-odium, that’s good. but HOW do we know that Renarin bonded one of her spren? just...’cause it’s corrupted and that’s what she does? or did I miss something more specific?

oh huh

ok

cool

OH!, he went to get Elhokar’s baby spren. interesting.

does that make Wit a Radiant? ‘cause I bet that’s not going to go over well heheheheh

WHOOOOOO I’M FREEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

Defo not my favorite, but it did pick up at the end there. Part 3 was A TRIP that I enjoyed and I’m still pumped that Bridge Four got 1. POVs and 2. SPREN that was really nice. I’m ~*~GARBAGE~*~ and there was some good garbage Moash content, so I loved that. The roadtrip was Sure A Thing. I love my sunshine boy, Adolin Kholin with all my heart. Aaaaand I’ll circle back to Part 4 and the beginning of Part 5 when it’s NOT 4am!

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

DOTW 43 - start

Eren made it through Anna's christening and his birthday in one piece. His post heat blues still lingering, leaving him a sobbing mess as he proudly held his Goddaughter. Erwin was named her second Godfather, but Eren didn't care. He got to cuddle her as much as he liked and she adored the attention. Levi was very attentive to his needs as well. His frayed nerves, coming out of heat, meant this his lover had called Mike to come help him at the apartment, rather than forcing him to go to hospital. Mike had been sympathetic, letting Levi set him up with the saline bag he'd brought with him, and more or less watching over Levi as he gave him a check-up. Given iron supplements to help with the anemia from the nose bleeds, he was warned that if he had another bad nosebleed, Mike wanted him to come in. Thankfully, he hadn't. Because his birthday was during his post heat, Anna's christening was the only thing they had planned. He'd already talked to Hanji about it, and had been made to promise he'd come spend a little time with her again, once his mood had lifted. Levi had surprised him with tickets to the Charity Ball, and a promise of day out once his post heat had passed. From what Eren could remember, it was the same Ball Petra had forced on Levi last year. It wasn't Levi's scene, but his alpha had promised he'd love it, and to dance with him. So it was acting as a kind of light at the end of the tunnel. He just had to hold out a little longer. * Levi had had a shit day at work. He couldn't take time off to be there the whole time Eren went through his post heat depression, which left him bitter enough as it was. What he fucking hated though, was being called out on a fucking prank. It was a waste of fucking time and resources, and maybe because he'd rejected Petra's invitation to this years Charity Ball, she bounced the call through to them like she took some joy in sending them on a nearly hour long trip to nowhere. It was the fucking boons. Erwin was in high spirits, teasing him about leaving Titan behind to rush home to Eren, though that had faded into annoyance rivalling his own when they arrived to find absolutely nothing. No stabbing victim. No fighting. No one even home at the residence... which looked like it'd been abandoned for some time. Levi let Erwin call it through to Petra, the address would be flagged and marked in case of future calls. Irritated, he grabbed his phone off the dash. Erwin raising an eyebrow "Calling Eren?" "After this fuck around, I need to let him know I'll be home late" "How's he doing?" Levi rolled his eyes "You saw him at Anna's christening" "He was post heat" "He still is. It should be gone tomorrow, or the day after" "Mike said his heat had been rough" "Since when do you and Mike talk about my omega?" "Since you leave a stinking blanket in my spare room" "Fuck. You could have washed it and returned it. Its Eren's second favourite" Erwin laughed "Who would have thought you'd care about favourite and second favourite blankets?" "I have no idea about blankets. That's Eren's Department. I just know that the green furry thing is his second favourite" "The word you want it "Mink". It's a mink blanket" "Oh, fuck off. It's furry, but not as furry as the blue one. He's lucky I know how to get stains out" Erwin snorted, making Levi roll his eyes again "Get your head out of the gutter. He over heated during his heat and got blood all over it. Killed both the pillows too" "Damn" "Yeah. Eren doesn't do blood at the best of times. He's not one to run away, but I could see why he was freaking out. Anyway, shut up" Eren was sleeping when he called, his boyfriend mumbling something he thought was intelligible, and even if Levi couldn't work out what he was saying, he was sure it was adorable. A sleepy Eren was adorable. Explaining carefully he'd be late home, his boyfriend gave a heavy sigh, before mumbling he understood and hanging up. He was probably in this shit but there wasn't anything he could do about it. People were wankers. Over the next couple of days, they were called out to another three pranks, while Eld and Gunther also had the same issue. They couldn't ignore the calls, not on the off chance that someone actually needed help. By the time the Charity Ball rolled around, he was done. He didn't want to go. Even though he'd promised Eren. Taking Eren out shopping for something to wear, he'd upset his omega by not paying attention when Eren wanted to know. His boyfriend simply enquiring what was and wasn't ok to do, and what was and wasn't ok wear. The cherry on top being when he'd snapped. Eren throwing his three dress selections at him, before storming out the store. He didn't even notice they'd changed stores, or that Eren had suggested wearing a dress... he didn't mean to bring his work home with him... and heading out after his shift was a shit idea. He was just so done... awkwardly paying for Eren's three selections, he trailed out of the store, looking for his love. Eren was sitting on a bench a little way away from the store. He needed to explain things. Wandering down to where Eren was sitting, Eren turned away from him as he sat. Yep. He was in the shit "Eren. Look. I'm sorry, ok" "No" "We've been prank calls at work, and I guess we're all feeling annoyed over it. I didn't mean to bring my shit day home with me" "Levi. You don't even want to go. What are we even doing here?" "I..." "You what? I don't know any of these people and the ones who do know me, think I'm either a whore for being a stripper, or a basket case for being there while my brother died" "No one thinks that" "You don't need to fucking lie. I'm nervous and I asked you what I should do, and you couldn't even give me a reply. If you don't want to go. Then there's no point going" "I want to go, because I know you'll enjoy it" "How am I supposed to enjoy it? Not when you don't want to be there" "Eren, the whole point of going is to drink some expensive alcohol and dance. I don't usually dance, and I'm usually avoiding Petra, because she somehow can't get it through her head that I'm gay. But I bought those tickets because I wanted to go with you. I want to show off my boyfriend" Eren sighed, an angry pout on his lips as he turned to him "You're not allowed to leave me alone. I cannot fend for myself against your friends. And no Petra. Or Olou" "I won't let Petra and Olou near you" "Do you promise?" "I promise I'll try my hardest not to let you get trapped by them" "And don't leave me with Erwin either, or his friends" "Eren, do you just hate all our work friends?" "I don't hate them. I just don't know them. I'm fucking terrified of fucking this up and embarrassing you. Or saying the wrong thing. I'm a freak as it is. That's why I need you to tell me the do's and don't's of this. Fuck. Just take me home" "You're not a freak and you're not going to fuck up. Eld and Gunther don't mind you, neither does Mike, he'll be there. You've met Marcel, he and his mate will probably be there. So will Erwin, he might even dance with you, though he will step on your feet. You've met Rico and Nanaba before, even if you don't remember them" Eren still looked angry "I'm sorry. Ok. So please, let me take you out for a night of drinks we don't have to pay for, and bad dancing" "And I want a new blanket. My green one is missing" "It's at Erwin's. I took it for my rut" Eren sighed "What? Is something wrong with that?" "No. I just really liked that blanket" "And you'll get it back. Let's just go home. I'll let you use my credit card to buy whatever blanket you want" "It won't be the same" "What does that mean?" "It means that I really liked that blanket" He didn't get the blanket issue. Erwin would wash and return it. Then it could go back into the small colony blankets they'd collected... maybe he could just slip it back in, and all would be forgiven? It wasn't like Eren didn't change his mind about his favourites with no consultation... Omegas... he feared he would never understand them. * Eren didn't want to wear a dress. He'd just dragged Levi into the store because it felt like he was supposed to. He didn't know any of Levi's friends that were male omegas, and was certain that outside him and Marco, there weren't any in Levi's life. That's why he felt dressing like a girl would probably go over better. He'd been trying to ask him all about this, only for Levi to either hum, or reply with "yeah". He didn't understand why Levi didn't understand why this was such a big thing for him. He took up all his alpha's time. Levi never went out for drinks with his friends, other than Erwin. He felt selfish. And what was worse, Levi wore his mark and hadn't said anything about marking him back... Levi was even calling him his mate. But how could he be his mate, without the mark he so desperately wanted? Why had Levi let him mark him? He didn't understand, and each time his boyfriend called him his mate... really fucking hurt. Tonight was just going to make it worse. He didn't want to be near Levi's friends, because Levi's friends would see he wasn't marked back. That he... that his alpha didn't love him as much he loved him. Feeling like an idiot, Eren did his hair and makeup, a shimmering dark green eyeshadow, with black wingtips. His dress just as deep, green in a certain light, and black in another. It hugged the lines of his hips and thighs, while the top ruffled hid his lack of cleavage. Pairing it with silver accessories, he hoped he didn't look too stupid... and that his dress wasn't too short. He could bend over and not show his boxer briefs... which meant it had to be acceptable? This would have been easier if Levi just told him what the fuck to wear, and not fobbed him off with "Just wear what you want to, you'll look beautiful either way". Well looking beautiful didn't just fucking happen. It took tucking, plucking, shaving and styling. Levi had dressed in a plain black suit, with a white shirt and a dark green tie. See. His alpha looked good. Fuck. He should have just worn a suit. Was it too late to head back in? He could change... he should change. Stepping back into the bathroom, Levi caught him before he could flee "Where are you going?" "I'm changing" "You just spent two hours in there. We need to go" "I look stupid!" "I'm sure you look fine" He didn't want to look fine. Fine was a nice pair of jeans and a shirt. He wanted to look good "I look stupid" "Then you'll look as good as I do. Get out here" "I look stupid because you didn't tell me what to wear" "Eren, we're going to be late" "Let me just..." "Get out here. At least let me see" Walking out, he knew he looked stupid. He felt stupid. Climbing to his feet, Levi looked him up and down "I knew it. I look fucking stupid" Levi cleared his throat "What? No. No. Just the opposite. Look perfect" "I think I look stupid" "You definitely don't. I don't know if I want to let you out, looking like that" "I... I'll change" "Eren, you look amazing" "I'm a guy in a dress" "And? So? Is there something wrong with that?" "People don't usually approve" "They're wrong. You look great, and we need to leave. We'll be late otherwise" "I feel stupid" "You're not stupid. You don't look stupid. Every single person there is going to wish they looked as good as you do" Yeah. Well. As long as "Marcel" wasn't there with his boyfriend, he might be able to salvage the night. Levi didn't seem to be in such a shit mood anymore "Fine. The dress stays on" "For now" Eren huffed. He didn't feel sexy or comfortable... he didn't know why Levi would want him out of it... He would never understand alphas. Having called a taxi, so they could both drink, Eren managed to make it out the back of it without flashing anyone. He'd though the Ball would be at some kind of club building or something. Not in a huge grand scale glass building that seemed to soar all the way up to heaven "Impressive, isn't it?" "Not what I was expecting" "It was delayed this year, purely because the place was still under construction. Erwin's already inside, he's saved our seats" "There's seats?" "It's a charity ball, but there's also a silent auction and guest speaker thing. Don't worry, you can drink through the whole thing" "Are you encouraging me to drink?" "I'm encouraging you, as we didn't do anything for your twenty first" "Which was like a whole week ago. I'm fine. We survived it. I didn't want anything, and I got to see Anna" "Anna or not, you barely touched your birthday cake" Levi had made him more of a birthday muffin, because smells had been making him sick. Both of them were paranoid about setting his nose of again, especially before the christening. His nose had bled that night, but only for a few minutes... still, it'd been enough to scare him. He didn't care they didn't do anything, like going clubbing. It was safer inside. He got to cuddle with Levi and cuddle with Anna, and he was legally Anna's Godfather now "Levi. It's fine. Seriously. I'm still not used to having good birthdays, it would have been too much. Can we head inside now? My butt's freezing" "Sure. Let me help you up the stairs" Taking his hand, Levi lead him around like he was a fancy lady from a movie. He didn't just hold his hand, instead he glowed with a confidence, as he really was showing him off. Presenting their two tickets, Levi lead him into the main fiction room. Eren's eyes widened, it was amazing. There was so much glass and rose gold, that he didn't know where to look. It was incredible. For someone coming from a dirty strip club, he'd never thought he'd step foot in somewhere like here "Holy fuck" "Our table is 32. Don't worry about the smells, they use scent cancellers to keep everyone calm" "Levi. You didn't tell me there were going to be this many people!" "It's a Charity Ball slash Gala. It's not my fault people want to come to these things. Here, let's find our seats?" "I think I'm going to fucking face plant" "If you do, I promise to step over and you walk away like I don't know you" "What? No" "There are probably 60 plus medically trained personal here. Not including specialists. You'll be fighting them off" "Don't you dare leave my side, or let me fall" "Relax, you know I won't" Led through to their table, Erwin was already there. As were Petra, Olou, Mike, Eld and Gunther. It looked like they had a full table, which was a relief. Sitting the back "corner", Levi crossed his arms, while Eren took the seat next to him. Accidentally meeting eyes with Petra, he swallowed hard. She was already pouting. It wasn't his fault that Levi chose him, and the didn't have the parts to get him excited "Eren, you look lovely" "Thanks, Erwin. I don't know I feel lovely. There's way too many people" Erwin laughed a little too politely "I know those feelings. Levi's already taken up his usual position. He always hides himself" "That's because I don't want to have to talk anymore than I absolutely have to" See. He knew Levi wouldn't want to be here... "Eld, Gunther. You both remember Eren don't you? He's Levi's mate" Gunther reached across the table to shake his hand "We do, but Erwin always insists of introducing everyone to everyone else like it's his job" Awkwardly shaking Eld's as well, he was happy Olou and Petra didn't try playing nice "We've heard a lot about the omega that marked Levi. He's not this grumpy at home, is he?" "No. Not always. He said he was up for dancing tonight" Eld and Gunther both laughed "Eren's my mate. Of course I don't mind dancing with him" "Eren's your mate? I don't see a mark" Petra somehow always knew where to strike "You should see it. Eren gave Levi quite the impressive mark" Coming past their table, Erwin called a waiter over. Ordering drinks for them all, Erwin assured him that once the formalities were done there was an open bar. Thank fuck for that "Levi was the one who wanted the bonding mark. I should have covered it with concealer" "It's my mark, I don't care who sees. It's not like I don't plan to marry Eren" Petra paled. The look of horrified realisation setting in. She was never going to win Levi's affections and now she would have to sit across from them all night. If only Petra had taken "no" as an answer from the beginning, she could have found her own happiness sooner. Sitting through speech after speech, Eren politely clapped when everyone else did. He had absolutely no idea what they were talking about, and Levi was too busy ignoring their surround to tell him. It was kind of amazing people paid for the opportunity to come to this. Once the speeches were over, it was like a wind had blown through the whole place. The mood changing in an instant. Leaning forward in his seat, Levi nudged his elbow with his "Want to go take a look around?" "You sure? You look pretty bored" "Speeches are boring as shit" "Ok. I supposed I need another drink" His drink had disappeared all too fast, even though he'd only slowly slipped at it "I never thought I'd see the day Levi actually enjoyed one of these things. Make sure you to stay out of trouble" Levi ignored Erwin, taking Eren's hand and "helping" him stand. They did a wide loop of the function room. The art on display was part of the charity auction. A small box under each, with a fancy looking notebook thing for people to write their names, numbers and bid. Eren wondered if there was something wrong with him, because he found none of this appealing. Levi thought the same. Picking up on his thoughts, his boyfriend started picking each apart. It was so much more fun doing that, than trying to interrupt it. Stopping by the bar, they ran into a few people Levi knew. Eren's stomach rolling and clenching at the way Levi kept introducing him as his mate. Their eyes kept going to his neck, only to find no bonding mark. It seemed like Levi knew half the people at bar, all wanting to talk to him. It was probably close to an hour before they continued on, starting to pick apart the art on the other side. By the time they reached their table again, Eren shoes were pinching, blisters forming on his feet... just like those idiots at the New Year's party. He'd tried wearing bandaids, but they'd been rolled down by the backs of his shoes. Sitting down in the closest seat, his hand immediately went down to fiddle with the straps "Everything alright?" "Yeah. It's fine. I just need to use the bathroom" "You should have said. I would have taken you" Leaning back, Eren kissed Levi's cheek. His alpha moving his chair forward enough to slide his hand to rest on Eren's side "It's fine. I need to adjust the straps on my shoes. I've already got bandaids on, and don't feel like showing the world my underwear" "I don't mind..." "Levi, seriously. It's ok" He hadn't seen Reiner or Bertholdt, which he hoped meant the pair wasn't here. They'd done a lap of the room, he would have seen them "If you're that worried, I would love another drink" Levi huffed, as if annoyed. Though Eren knew he wasn't. Besides, if Levi headed back to the bar, he might run into more people that he knew and had been neglecting "Fine. Just make sure you take your phone" "I will. It's just a quick trip to redo the straps" Eren got lost in the labyrinth of white walls and art. At least he knew he was in an art gallery or museum of some sort, now. Not just a huge and pointless building. The art and sculptures outside of the function room, were so much more than interesting. Respectfully keeping on the right side of the corded barriers, he finally found the bathrooms. They were just as incredible as the function room, even though the taps were truly hideous. Matte black with rose gold accents. Yeah.... they were definitely wrong for the space. Or any space. Whoever designed them should be smacked over the head with a frypan, or locked in a room with his hideous creation. Rushing into the first available stall, he collapsed down and started wrestling with his straps. Moaning as his feet were freed. Placing both of them together and stretching his toes to point at the door, he snapped a photo of his feet. Sending it through to his boyfriend so Levi knew he made it to the bathroom and would be back soon. Hopefully when he returned, other people would be dancing and Levi would whisk him away to dance... maybe his alpha would even let dance barefoot. He wasn't particularly attached to the heals he was wearing, and his boyfriend really hated people dancing in stupid shoes. With his feet redbandaided, Eren slipped his shoes back on. Opening the bathroom door, he reeled back in panic. Reiner and Bertholdt were both standing there. Smirks playing on their lips as he Eren nearly fell into the toilet backwards "Eren. We really need to stop meeting this way" His heart was racing. Facing Bertholdt had been bad enough, but now Reiner was right there next to him "W-what do you want?" "We want to know why you did it..." "What? Did what?" "Why you talked. Thanks to you, a certain dog of the police has been making trouble for us" "I didn't tell the police anything" "Maybe not. But you told that alpha of yours" "Wha... Levi doesn't know anything" "So you didn't tell him about the knife or Zeke's shirt?" "N-no" "You know, when you lie, you're only making things worse for yourself" "Levi doesn't know anything" Reiner chuckled, shaking his head while Bertholdt stood taller "We know Levi gave the knife and shirt to Floch... what we can't figure out, is why you suddenly mean so little to him. After all, you begged us to save Levi... instead of saving your poor brother" Eren was thrown further off kilter by Bertholdt's words. He didn't know what the alpha was talking about "You're the one who killed Zeke! You're the ones who stabbed him to death!" "No, Eren. You're the one who killed Zeke. Oh! Ho! I don't think he remembers" "How can you not remember killing your own brother?" "He was high... man, the way he screamed for Levi... I think he loved the drugs as much as the sex" "I don't know what you're talking about! Please. Levi doesn't know anything. The police don't know anything!" "You don't remember? The blade at Zeke's throat? We gave you a choice. Zeke or Levi... and you chose Levi. You let Zeke die" "No! No, I didn't! You promised if I let them touch me... you promised they all be safe" Bertholdt let out a laugh that hurt his ears "Eren, do you really think you have that kind of value? Any kind of value? Why do you think Levi let you mark him? You're just convenient" "Levi's different! Levi loves me!" "No one could ever love you. Not with that bastard's blood in your veins" Eren's heart felt like it would burst from his chest. His thoughts just as messed up as his emotions. What Bertholdt was saying, it made no sense "Even Zeke saw you had no value. No value outside of paying his debts and lining his pockets. Why do you think he kept you around? Floch wasn't wrong when he told you it was for the money" "No..." "He groomed you. Made you rely only on him. Treated you like a joke, because you are one. If only they'd killed you that night. That night they killed your mother... but it's too late to change that now" "Fuck! What do you want from me?! What the fuck did I ever do to you?! Nothing! I didn't do anything!" "Your family did. Your father is the cause of all this, but he was too valuable to just kill. No. We needed him. What we didn't need was that wife of his, or his bastard sons!" "Mum died because of him! I was kept like an animal! I was fed from a fucking dog bowl! I've paid for being his son!" "And until you pay with your life, you'll keep paying. That favours coming Eren. Coming sooner than you think, and when you see what it's going to cost you... you might just wish you'd died next to Zeke" This conversation had to have taken a while. Levi would come looking for him. He'd come looking for him if he didn't return soon... he needed to buy time. He needed to figure out what to do. What... no. Levi had handed the shirt over... that's what they'd said... the shirt and the knife... the police had his confession... no... shit... fuck. Fuck. He had to believe Levi wouldn't betray him like that. It was like the phone. They were messing with his head "You can't hurt me. If I disappear, the police will find out everything" "From who? Who's going to care you're gone? The alpha who lied to you? Who wouldn't give you his mark? Who takes you to bed to fuck you, then runs to the police the first chance he gets? Or how about those sweet childhood friends of yours. Armin and Mikasa. You know, Armin is way too trusting. All we had to do was let slip how we were great friends of yours... people always believe what they want to believe, even when the truth is right in front of them. The truth is, you're going to pay for what you've done, and you're going to die. Then Levi's going to die. After that, well, I guess we'll just pick them all off one by one" With a feral snarl, Eren rushed Bertholdt. He was completely out of his league and was savagely slammed down against the hard bathroom floor. Grabbing him by the throat, Bertholdt pulled him up slammed his head down again. Snarling and hissing like a feral cat, Eren fucking fought. But that didn't mean he didn't try. He couldn't get a grip on Bertholdt's suit, but he did manage a impressive kick to the alpha's shin, causing Bertholdt to snarl. Fucking high heels had to hurt. If he was lucky, he would have torn the skin open "You won't hurt my alpha! I won't let you hurt Levi! I'm going to fucking kill you!" When Bertholdt raised him again, Eren through modesty to the wind. Booting him in the stomach and feeling his heels catching as he did... the satisfaction only lasted for a mere fraction of a second, as Reiner booted him hard in the back. Kicked out of Bertholdt's hold, he skidded on the bathroom floor until he hit the toilet cubicle divider. Driving his shoe into Eren's stomach, the omega screamed, trying to escape, but Reiner was an alpha who'd just seen his partner hurt. He couldn't stand up to that kind of raw fury. The last kick smashed into his nose "You have two fucking days, then we're coming for you. If you weren't so fucking useless, someone might actually want you alive. But don't worry, we'll make it nice and slow, just like he wants" Left bloodied and beaten in the bathroom, Eren couldn't even more to curl in on himself. His feet slipped again the tiles flooring, while his nose was bleeding like crazy. His stomach hurt so fucking bad, that was on par with his heat. Angrily he slammed his hands down onto the tiles, over and over as he screamed. Two days. Two fucking days. Then what? Levi left and never came home? He couldn't live without Levi. He didn't know how to do anything without him. The adrenaline seeped from his body, as the coldness of the tiles started to ebb away at his warmth. He loved Levi. They'd spent time together during his heat. He'd actually wanted his alpha. He wanted him there. It might not have been a full heat, but the fact remained that when he needed him, Levi had come home and looked after him... even if by some chance, he'd conceived during his heat, he'd been beaten so badly... Reiner and Bertholdt some how knew his father. Zeke had known his father. The foster home had known his father... his father was the cause of all of this. When would he finally be free of it all? Maybe he if he closed his eyes, he'd die right now? He'd probably be damned straight to hell, but his soul would be carried on the wind, and that was enough.

[believerindaydreams]

I'm not going to try to outguess my brain at this point but there was a definite ending I have been moving towards

Arcade

"Okay, but why do I have to be the one to talk Christine out of it?" Arcade rubs the back of his neck, tiredly. Broc flowers are almost unkillable, but shade doesn't help. He'll have a lot of transplanting to do.

"Cos it has to be someone she trusts, and that's you or me," Boone says. "And you're smarter than I am."

"Uh-huh." He looks at his muddy hand. "Not really feeling that way at the moment."

"Well, it's gotta be now. She has her rifle and her stealth suit on."

"...okay. I'll go."

She's unpacking when he finds her, putting her haul of Mirelurk eggs into the community fridge. "Arcade. Come to dissuade or join?"

"How'd you guess?"

"I already had three people try the former."

"...look. The people here, they never had much to start with. Then what little they did have was taken away from them. Now they just want to live quietly, and you're threatening that."

"If the book is as dangerous as Marcella says, I might be saving them."

She looks happy, Arcade realises; energised as she'd been with Veronica, when preparing to fight Elijah. "Is there anything I can do to convince you to stay here?"

"I had the opportunity of spending the rest of my life waiting around quietly," Christine says, taking out a cold Nuka-Cola. "And it was hell on earth. Not happening."

"Fine. Fine. Then do you want me or Boone on hand, to stop you from going too far?"

"I'll take the Follower. You I know I can take down."

His mouth goes dry; but it's all she'll settle for, so he agrees.

*****

Christine

Marcella is a fool.

The getting of the book wasn't difficult- I brought Stealth Boys and enough ammunition to kill an Enclave task force. It was a surprise that taking the book wiped my stealth field, but I haven't lived this long without preparing for contingencies. Enough Turbo will solve most problems; I kept my word to Catherine, didn't spill blood to take it.

Unless you count Arcade's. It took quite a lot of his own home-brewed stimpaks to get him limping back to Boardwalk.

"I'm glad you didn't see need to kill me. You really might have hurt yourself trying."

He groans, keeps close by me. "There wasn't time- are you reading that on the go?"

"Of course." The locals don't have much stamina, or subtlety; I'll know in plenty of time if there's any more threats. "Very entertaining. Would you like to hear about the delineation for types of meat hook to be deployed during sacrifices?"

He shudders. "My reading list has been eclectic over the years, but I think I'll pass."

More fool he, too. I can see why this book was passed down as a sacred relic, why the locals guarded it so preciously, why Marcella told me it was evil.

It tells me how to get Veronica back.

And at this point, I have nothing to lose.

*****

Manny

"Of course you want a submarine. Everybody wants a submarine," Christine says. "I even fixed the leak."

I would not have swapped a submarine for Arcade's depression and the fanatical look in her eye. "What's it good for?"

"Going back and forth between here and the Capitol. Watching fish. Lots of fun."

It takes me a bit to process that she's aping Veronica, rather badly; and I don't know what to do with the realization anyway. "Well done? You should tell Catherine."

"Already did. The point is, if someone comes with me, they can bring it back when I'm done. Then you have at least one means of transport for which you aren't beholden to Tobar and his ferry."

It's all so reasonable, so straightforward, and if I trusted her an inch I wouldn't think twice. But she's already shown herself indifferent to a community's welfare so she can do as she wishes, and I wouldn't give her that inch. "Putting aside your desires one way or the other, whoever goes will have to be comfortable about the risk of a tragic sea accident."

"Well. Is that you?"

She knows and trusts Arcade. She knows and trusts Boone. So why ask me, when we've barely interacted?

Cos she thinks I'm dispensable. "I have a kid to look after, thanks."

"Boone and Carla's kid."

"Fuck you."

*****

Carla

I don't know how I ever could have given domestics up.

Daisy's still getting used to me again, doesn't know what to call me- I can't blame her or Cindy for that- but she'll suckle from me again, doesn't mind my presence. I wove her a new cap from maize husks just for fun, expecting her to tear it apart inside a day, but she's been surprisingly careful with it thus far.

Boardwalk isn't what I wanted, but it's something all its own- it's a maze of reassuringly dense concrete, small booths with metal shutters that could block out a super sledge. The courtyards are busy- any time of day or night there's a campfire going somewhere- and there's a cosy, noisy quality that's like the Strip. Like home. There's a single neon light that survived, casting a greenish glow over the pinball alley; and I wouldn't trade that for anything.

There's a Ferris wheel, too. I'd love to think of getting that working again. And there's a lighthouse along the coast, a cathedral in the distance...

If we are going to spend the rest of my life here, it could be worse.

*****

Boone

"Hey."

Arcade jumps. "Yes?"

"You don't look so good." If it was Carla or Manny, I'd suggest a trip down to the hatching grounds to shoot some dinner. Arcade, I don't think would appreciate the invite.

"...I'm not good. I know Christine and I seem to have got away from the ritual site scot-free, but I haven't felt right since. I keep hearing things, seeing things- will you do something for me?"

"Probably. What?"

"We'll find somewhere quiet, and I'll partner you. You tell me what you see."

Carla had a theory that you need to partner ever so often or get sick. And we haven't done it since leaving the Capitol...how long has that been, six or eight weeks? I haven't worried about time lately. "Fine by me."

We head out past the edge of the Boardwalk to the road beyond. He partners me, and I look.

There's nothing there. Nothing to see but...

I've never distrusted my blood-sight, not once. If I'm concussed and withdrawn and drunk, I can still depend on that to get us through. When we were making that first journey from Union Station, I had to.

"Do you see me?" Arcade demands. His voice is high, a little hysterical in that way he gets.

"You don't...I'm seeing things."

"Familiar, isn't it?"

And it is. I didn't guard that man's back for months without knowing the profile, the cut of his overcoat.

I don't speak. I stop the blood-sight, reach out for a trembling Follower in a makeshift lab coat. He doesn't look anything like an Enclave officer.

"I can hear him," Arcade says miserably. "Boone, keep him away from me."

I've guarded a town from a dino's mouth; but this takes the cake.

[forgitful]

9.12.2017 - An Update

It’s been awhile, so I figured I’d update you guys on my life. I’m sure no one would really care, but it makes me feel better. I’ve completely changed my blog and deleted all of my posts because I want to start this one fresh with different content, and also use this blog as a spot that I can be 100% open on. I still use my other blog - @idiut - but that blog has been around for years, and everyone I know knows about it, and I kinda just want to branch away from any possible harm. Nothing physical... I don’t believe I’m that much hated for any physical confrontation. Anyway, let’s go back to July 2016.

My mother kicked me out of the house, so I had to quickly pack my bags and grab Dewey, and head back to Wilmington. Thank goodness my cousin is a night owl, because I was told to pack my things and leave at midnight. The funny thing is, I should have been worried about being homeless, and jobless, while trying to take care of my cat, yada yada - but the only thing that was on my mind was “Fuck, I see 5SOS on Monday, how the fuck am I gonna get there.” No worries, I got there and had the time of my life. I quickly found a job, like, literally the day after I got back to my hometown. It was a fast food job, but it was better than nothing, and I got paid weekly so I was never actually broke. I also shaved my head to a buzz cut. I was always too scared to do that, but I had gone through some shit and I needed a change. I loved the feeling of my head being shaved. It was fun to play with, and costed less to take care of. I’m currently trying to grow in back out, but I’d definitely do it again.

Fast forward to October. Things were getting better. I ended up living with my aunt - I was originally going to move in with my dad, but he had a really bad flee problem at the time and since Dewey is allergic to flees (and my dad allergic to Dewey), I figured my aunt’s was the best place to go. I remember that I was supposed to go see Neck Deep in concert... they were actually playing in my town - no one plays here!! I was totally excited until Hurricane Matthew came along and Neck Deep’s management decided to cancel. The storm wasn’t really that bad, just a bunch of power outages and certain spots we flooded. The power at my job though did go out, and we didn’t have to come in until 6pm, so that was great. I was also excited for Halloween. It’s my favorite holiday. I went with Penny. She was this very cute and lewd devil, and I was a more witchy/devil looking thing. My horns were cute, so that’s all I really cared about. We did some trick-or-treating because we’re still children at heart. Afterwards, we went to a house party downtown. Penny drank a whole bottle of wine within the 15 minute drive to the party, so she was a mess when we got there. I didn’t know anyone, but there was a cat, so that was pretty cool. I also found a lizard outside. It made my night for whatever reason. We didn’t stay long. I get really anxious sometimes, and that time was one of the sometimes. So I went home and crashed. Oh! And I also adopted a kitten who is named Truman. It was a pretty great night to end the month.

November was absolutely amazing as well. I went to see Brand New with Penny. This was my second time seeing them as I saw them before a few months before. It was extra lovely. Modern Baseball opened, followed by The Front Bottoms, and then finally Brand New. I got caught in the pit during TFB and got punched in the face, so I moved to the back. Penny was having a panic attack, so I stayed back with her for the rest of the show. There was a couple guys fighting in the crowd, and I remember Brian Sella calling them out during the show. It was neat. When Brand New came on, it was more beautiful than last time. My highlight of the night though was when they played Soco Amaretto Lime. I broke down in tears. The ride home was six hours, and in those six hours, Penny and I joked around and ate tacos. We debated resting at a truck stop, but we made it home. A week later I saw The 1975 with Molly again. They played in Boone, NC which I had never traveled to. The town was GORGEOUS. I cannot think of the proper way to describe it. We got to the hotel about thirty minutes before the show started. We got there, and of course the boys killed once more. The next day before heading home, we roamed the town for a bit. It was freezing cold, but it was okay because we stopped for some chai tea. We visited cute little bookstores and art shops. I bought a cute little dragonfly necklace from one of the local homemade jewelry stores. I have no clue where it’s at today. It began to snow right before we l left. It was beautiful. I hope to go back soon.

Christmas was great last year. I got many nice things and it was probably the best Christmas I’ve had since I was a child. I also finally started talking to a guy named Logan. He was really cool so I didn’t curve him like I would normally do.

I started hanging out with Logan a lot. It was an everyday thing actually and we’d have sleepovers often. He asked me out on Valentine’s Day, and of course I said yes. Our seven months is coming up. He makes me really happy.

March was a terrible month. My grandma passed away... officially leaving me with no more grandparents. It sucked. They found out she had cancer a few months before, as well as a tumor on her brain. It sucked, and my dad grew extremely depressed. They buried her next to Papa.

It wasn’t even two whole months later, on May 6, 2017, that I lost my dad. He had went to the ER a week before and it came to show that his body was shutting down. The last day his was conscious was a Tuesday, and he asked for forgiveness for everything he had done wrong in the past, for which we assured him we never held that against him. What was gutting was that he said he wasn’t ready to die. I hate it. I miss him so much. I haven’t gotten my head straight since. I sometimes feel like I’m going crazy.

Later in May, Logan and I moved into our first little townhouse in Myrtle Beach. And on June 8th, we found out that we were pregnant. We were scared but grew really excited. I never thought that I would be a mother, but I was so stoked to bring my own little one into the world. But on July 18th, I went to the ER after I noticed some bleeding, and sure enough, I was in fetal demise. I wanted to puke. I cried for days after that. I would get upset at the sight of another pregnant woman. I had suffered so much loss that I was sure I was ready to give up. I’m still not over it.

Since then, we moved back to Wilmington once again. We’re working on getting our GEDs and I’m trying to get my health back under control. We also adopted a kitten! Dewey and Truman love him. I hope things will get better, I really do. But everything seems so dark to me. I’m at my lowest, but I’m hoping that once we get our mess together, I’ll feel better.

So there you have it. That’s where I’ve been, and this is why I chose to start fresh. I’m still here to talk about anything and everything, so don’t hesitate to talk to me. I’ll update more often.

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

DOTW 43 - Full

Eren made it through Anna's christening and his birthday in one piece. His post heat blues still lingering, leaving him a sobbing mess as he proudly held his Goddaughter. Erwin was named her second Godfather, but Eren didn't care. He got to cuddle her as much as he liked and she adored the attention. Levi was very attentive to his needs as well. His frayed nerves, coming out of heat, meant this his lover had called Mike to come help him at the apartment, rather than forcing him to go to hospital. Mike had been sympathetic, letting Levi set him up with the saline bag he'd brought with him, and more or less watching over Levi as he gave him a check-up. Given iron supplements to help with the anemia from the nose bleeds, he was warned that if he had another bad nosebleed, Mike wanted him to come in. Thankfully, he hadn't. Because his birthday was during his post heat, Anna's christening was the only thing they had planned. He'd already talked to Hanji about it, and had been made to promise he'd come spend a little time with her again, once his mood had lifted. Levi had surprised him with tickets to the Charity Ball, and a promise of day out once his post heat had passed. From what Eren could remember, it was the same Ball Petra had forced on Levi last year. It wasn't Levi's scene, but his alpha had promised he'd love it, and to dance with him. So it was acting as a kind of light at the end of the tunnel. He just had to hold out a little longer. * Levi had had a shit day at work. He couldn't take time off to be there the whole time Eren went through his post heat depression, which left him bitter enough as it was. What he fucking hated though, was being called out on a fucking prank. It was a waste of fucking time and resources, and maybe because he'd rejected Petra's invitation to this years Charity Ball, she bounced the call through to them like she took some joy in sending them on a nearly hour long trip to nowhere. It was the fucking boons. Erwin was in high spirits, teasing him about leaving Titan behind to rush home to Eren, though that had faded into annoyance rivalling his own when they arrived to find absolutely nothing. No stabbing victim. No fighting. No one even home at the residence... which looked like it'd been abandoned for some time. Levi let Erwin call it through to Petra, the address would be flagged and marked in case of future calls. Irritated, he grabbed his phone off the dash. Erwin raising an eyebrow "Calling Eren?" "After this fuck around, I need to let him know I'll be home late" "How's he doing?" Levi rolled his eyes "You saw him at Anna's christening" "He was post heat" "He still is. It should be gone tomorrow, or the day after" "Mike said his heat had been rough" "Since when do you and Mike talk about my omega?" "Since you leave a stinking blanket in my spare room" "Fuck. You could have washed it and returned it. Its Eren's second favourite" Erwin laughed "Who would have thought you'd care about favourite and second favourite blankets?" "I have no idea about blankets. That's Eren's Department. I just know that the green furry thing is his second favourite" "The word you want it "Mink". It's a mink blanket" "Oh, fuck off. It's furry, but not as furry as the blue one. He's lucky I know how to get stains out" Erwin snorted, making Levi roll his eyes again "Get your head out of the gutter. He over heated during his heat and got blood all over it. Killed both the pillows too" "Damn" "Yeah. Eren doesn't do blood at the best of times. He's not one to run away, but I could see why he was freaking out. Anyway, shut up" Eren was sleeping when he called, his boyfriend mumbling something he thought was intelligible, and even if Levi couldn't work out what he was saying, he was sure it was adorable. A sleepy Eren was adorable. Explaining carefully he'd be late home, his boyfriend gave a heavy sigh, before mumbling he understood and hanging up. He was probably in this shit but there wasn't anything he could do about it. People were wankers. Over the next couple of days, they were called out to another three pranks, while Eld and Gunther also had the same issue. They couldn't ignore the calls, not on the off chance that someone actually needed help. By the time the Charity Ball rolled around, he was done. He didn't want to go. Even though he'd promised Eren. Taking Eren out shopping for something to wear, he'd upset his omega by not paying attention when Eren wanted to know. His boyfriend simply enquiring what was and wasn't ok to do, and what was and wasn't ok wear. The cherry on top being when he'd snapped. Eren throwing his three dress selections at him, before storming out the store. He didn't even notice they'd changed stores, or that Eren had suggested wearing a dress... he didn't mean to bring his work home with him... and heading out after his shift was a shit idea. He was just so done... awkwardly paying for Eren's three selections, he trailed out of the store, looking for his love. Eren was sitting on a bench a little way away from the store. He needed to explain things. Wandering down to where Eren was sitting, Eren turned away from him as he sat. Yep. He was in the shit "Eren. Look. I'm sorry, ok" "No" "We've been prank calls at work, and I guess we're all feeling annoyed over it. I didn't mean to bring my shit day home with me" "Levi. You don't even want to go. What are we even doing here?" "I..." "You what? I don't know any of these people and the ones who do know me, think I'm either a whore for being a stripper, or a basket case for being there while my brother died" "No one thinks that" "You don't need to fucking lie. I'm nervous and I asked you what I should do, and you couldn't even give me a reply. If you don't want to go. Then there's no point going" "I want to go, because I know you'll enjoy it" "How am I supposed to enjoy it? Not when you don't want to be there" "Eren, the whole point of going is to drink some expensive alcohol and dance. I don't usually dance, and I'm usually avoiding Petra, because she somehow can't get it through her head that I'm gay. But I bought those tickets because I wanted to go with you. I want to show off my boyfriend" Eren sighed, an angry pout on his lips as he turned to him "You're not allowed to leave me alone. I cannot fend for myself against your friends. And no Petra. Or Olou" "I won't let Petra and Olou near you" "Do you promise?" "I promise I'll try my hardest not to let you get trapped by them" "And don't leave me with Erwin either, or his friends" "Eren, do you just hate all our work friends?" "I don't hate them. I just don't know them. I'm fucking terrified of fucking this up and embarrassing you. Or saying the wrong thing. I'm a freak as it is. That's why I need you to tell me the do's and don't's of this. Fuck. Just take me home" "You're not a freak and you're not going to fuck up. Eld and Gunther don't mind you, neither does Mike, he'll be there. You've met Marcel, he and his mate will probably be there. So will Erwin, he might even dance with you, though he will step on your feet. You've met Rico and Nanaba before, even if you don't remember them" Eren still looked angry "I'm sorry. Ok. So please, let me take you out for a night of drinks we don't have to pay for, and bad dancing" "And I want a new blanket. My green one is missing" "It's at Erwin's. I took it for my rut" Eren sighed "What? Is something wrong with that?" "No. I just really liked that blanket" "And you'll get it back. Let's just go home. I'll let you use my credit card to buy whatever blanket you want" "It won't be the same" "What does that mean?" "It means that I really liked that blanket" He didn't get the blanket issue. Erwin would wash and return it. Then it could go back into the small colony blankets they'd collected... maybe he could just slip it back in, and all would be forgiven? It wasn't like Eren didn't change his mind about his favourites with no consultation... Omegas... he feared he would never understand them. * Eren didn't want to wear a dress. He'd just dragged Levi into the store because it felt like he was supposed to. He didn't know any of Levi's friends that were male omegas, and was certain that outside him and Marco, there weren't any in Levi's life. That's why he felt dressing like a girl would probably go over better. He'd been trying to ask him all about this, only for Levi to either hum, or reply with "yeah". He didn't understand why Levi didn't understand why this was such a big thing for him. He took up all his alpha's time. Levi never went out for drinks with his friends, other than Erwin. He felt selfish. And what was worse, Levi wore his mark and hadn't said anything about marking him back... Levi was even calling him his mate. But how could he be his mate, without the mark he so desperately wanted? Why had Levi let him mark him? He didn't understand, and each time his boyfriend called him his mate... really fucking hurt. Tonight was just going to make it worse. He didn't want to be near Levi's friends, because Levi's friends would see he wasn't marked back. That he... that his alpha didn't love him as much he loved him. Feeling like an idiot, Eren did his hair and makeup, a shimmering dark green eyeshadow, with black wingtips. His dress just as deep, green in a certain light, and black in another. It hugged the lines of his hips and thighs, while the top ruffled hid his lack of cleavage. Pairing it with silver accessories, he hoped he didn't look too stupid... and that his dress wasn't too short. He could bend over and not show his boxer briefs... which meant it had to be acceptable? This would have been easier if Levi just told him what the fuck to wear, and not fobbed him off with "Just wear what you want to, you'll look beautiful either way". Well looking beautiful didn't just fucking happen. It took tucking, plucking, shaving and styling. Levi had dressed in a plain black suit, with a white shirt and a dark green tie. See. His alpha looked good. Fuck. He should have just worn a suit. Was it too late to head back in? He could change... he should change. Stepping back into the bathroom, Levi caught him before he could flee "Where are you going?" "I'm changing" "You just spent two hours in there. We need to go" "I look stupid!" "I'm sure you look fine" He didn't want to look fine. Fine was a nice pair of jeans and a shirt. He wanted to look good "I look stupid" "Then you'll look as good as I do. Get out here" "I look stupid because you didn't tell me what to wear" "Eren, we're going to be late" "Let me just..." "Get out here. At least let me see" Walking out, he knew he looked stupid. He felt stupid. Climbing to his feet, Levi looked him up and down "I knew it. I look fucking stupid" Levi cleared his throat "What? No. No. Just the opposite. Look perfect" "I think I look stupid" "You definitely don't. I don't know if I want to let you out, looking like that" "I... I'll change" "Eren, you look amazing" "I'm a guy in a dress" "And? So? Is there something wrong with that?" "People don't usually approve" "They're wrong. You look great, and we need to leave. We'll be late otherwise" "I feel stupid" "You're not stupid. You don't look stupid. Every single person there is going to wish they looked as good as you do" Yeah. Well. As long as "Marcel" wasn't there with his boyfriend, he might be able to salvage the night. Levi didn't seem to be in such a shit mood anymore "Fine. The dress stays on" "For now" Eren huffed. He didn't feel sexy or comfortable... he didn't know why Levi would want him out of it... He would never understand alphas. Having called a taxi, so they could both drink, Eren managed to make it out the back of it without flashing anyone. He'd though the Ball would be at some kind of club building or something. Not in a huge grand scale glass building that seemed to soar all the way up to heaven "Impressive, isn't it?" "Not what I was expecting" "It was delayed this year, purely because the place was still under construction. Erwin's already inside, he's saved our seats" "There's seats?" "It's a charity ball, but there's also a silent auction and guest speaker thing. Don't worry, you can drink through the whole thing" "Are you encouraging me to drink?" "I'm encouraging you, as we didn't do anything for your twenty first" "Which was like a whole week ago. I'm fine. We survived it. I didn't want anything, and I got to see Anna" "Anna or not, you barely touched your birthday cake" Levi had made him more of a birthday muffin, because smells had been making him sick. Both of them were paranoid about setting his nose of again, especially before the christening. His nose had bled that night, but only for a few minutes... still, it'd been enough to scare him. He didn't care they didn't do anything, like going clubbing. It was safer inside. He got to cuddle with Levi and cuddle with Anna, and he was legally Anna's Godfather now "Levi. It's fine. Seriously. I'm still not used to having good birthdays, it would have been too much. Can we head inside now? My butt's freezing" "Sure. Let me help you up the stairs" Taking his hand, Levi lead him around like he was a fancy lady from a movie. He didn't just hold his hand, instead he glowed with a confidence, as he really was showing him off. Presenting their two tickets, Levi lead him into the main fiction room. Eren's eyes widened, it was amazing. There was so much glass and rose gold, that he didn't know where to look. It was incredible. For someone coming from a dirty strip club, he'd never thought he'd step foot in somewhere like here "Holy fuck" "Our table is 32. Don't worry about the smells, they use scent cancellers to keep everyone calm" "Levi. You didn't tell me there were going to be this many people!" "It's a Charity Ball slash Gala. It's not my fault people want to come to these things. Here, let's find our seats?" "I think I'm going to fucking face plant" "If you do, I promise to step over and you walk away like I don't know you" "What? No" "There are probably 60 plus medically trained personal here. Not including specialists. You'll be fighting them off" "Don't you dare leave my side, or let me fall" "Relax, you know I won't" Led through to their table, Erwin was already there. As were Petra, Olou, Mike, Eld and Gunther. It looked like they had a full table, which was a relief. Sitting the back "corner", Levi crossed his arms, while Eren took the seat next to him. Accidentally meeting eyes with Petra, he swallowed hard. She was already pouting. It wasn't his fault that Levi chose him, and the didn't have the parts to get him excited "Eren, you look lovely" "Thanks, Erwin. I don't know I feel lovely. There's way too many people" Erwin laughed a little too politely "I know those feelings. Levi's already taken up his usual position. He always hides himself" "That's because I don't want to have to talk anymore than I absolutely have to" See. He knew Levi wouldn't want to be here... "Eld, Gunther. You both remember Eren don't you? He's Levi's mate" Gunther reached across the table to shake his hand "We do, but Erwin always insists of introducing everyone to everyone else like it's his job" Awkwardly shaking Eld's as well, he was happy Olou and Petra didn't try playing nice "We've heard a lot about the omega that marked Levi. He's not this grumpy at home, is he?" "No. Not always. He said he was up for dancing tonight" Eld and Gunther both laughed "Eren's my mate. Of course I don't mind dancing with him" "Eren's your mate? I don't see a mark" Petra somehow always knew where to strike "You should see it. Eren gave Levi quite the impressive mark" Coming past their table, Erwin called a waiter over. Ordering drinks for them all, Erwin assured him that once the formalities were done there was an open bar. Thank fuck for that "Levi was the one who wanted the bonding mark. I should have covered it with concealer" "It's my mark, I don't care who sees. It's not like I don't plan to marry Eren" Petra paled. The look of horrified realisation setting in. She was never going to win Levi's affections and now she would have to sit across from them all night. If only Petra had taken "no" as an answer from the beginning, she could have found her own happiness sooner. Sitting through speech after speech, Eren politely clapped when everyone else did. He had absolutely no idea what they were talking about, and Levi was too busy ignoring their surround to tell him. It was kind of amazing people paid for the opportunity to come to this. Once the speeches were over, it was like a wind had blown through the whole place. The mood changing in an instant. Leaning forward in his seat, Levi nudged his elbow with his "Want to go take a look around?" "You sure? You look pretty bored" "Speeches are boring as shit" "Ok. I supposed I need another drink" His drink had disappeared all too fast, even though he'd only slowly slipped at it "I never thought I'd see the day Levi actually enjoyed one of these things. Make sure you to stay out of trouble" Levi ignored Erwin, taking Eren's hand and "helping" him stand. They did a wide loop of the function room. The art on display was part of the charity auction. A small box under each, with a fancy looking notebook thing for people to write their names, numbers and bid. Eren wondered if there was something wrong with him, because he found none of this appealing. Levi thought the same. Picking up on his thoughts, his boyfriend started picking each apart. It was so much more fun doing that, than trying to interrupt it. Stopping by the bar, they ran into a few people Levi knew. Eren's stomach rolling and clenching at the way Levi kept introducing him as his mate. Their eyes kept going to his neck, only to find no bonding mark. It seemed like Levi knew half the people at bar, all wanting to talk to him. It was probably close to an hour before they continued on, starting to pick apart the art on the other side. By the time they reached their table again, Eren shoes were pinching, blisters forming on his feet... just like those idiots at the New Year's party. He'd tried wearing bandaids, but they'd been rolled down by the backs of his shoes. Sitting down in the closest seat, his hand immediately went down to fiddle with the straps "Everything alright?" "Yeah. It's fine. I just need to use the bathroom" "You should have said. I would have taken you" Leaning back, Eren kissed Levi's cheek. His alpha moving his chair forward enough to slide his hand to rest on Eren's side "It's fine. I need to adjust the straps on my shoes. I've already got bandaids on, and don't feel like showing the world my underwear" "I don't mind..." "Levi, seriously. It's ok" He hadn't seen Reiner or Bertholdt, which he hoped meant the pair wasn't here. They'd done a lap of the room, he would have seen them "If you're that worried, I would love another drink" Levi huffed, as if annoyed. Though Eren knew he wasn't. Besides, if Levi headed back to the bar, he might run into more people that he knew and had been neglecting "Fine. Just make sure you take your phone" "I will. It's just a quick trip to redo the straps" Eren got lost in the labyrinth of white walls and art. At least he knew he was in an art gallery or museum of some sort, now. Not just a huge and pointless building. The art and sculptures outside of the function room, were so much more than interesting. Respectfully keeping on the right side of the corded barriers, he finally found the bathrooms. They were just as incredible as the function room, even though the taps were truly hideous. Matte black with rose gold accents. Yeah.... they were definitely wrong for the space. Or any space. Whoever designed them should be smacked over the head with a frypan, or locked in a room with his hideous creation. Rushing into the first available stall, he collapsed down and started wrestling with his straps. Moaning as his feet were freed. Placing both of them together and stretching his toes to point at the door, he snapped a photo of his feet. Sending it through to his boyfriend so Levi knew he made it to the bathroom and would be back soon. Hopefully when he returned, other people would be dancing and Levi would whisk him away to dance... maybe his alpha would even let dance barefoot. He wasn't particularly attached to the heals he was wearing, and his boyfriend really hated people dancing in stupid shoes. With his feet redbandaided, Eren slipped his shoes back on. Opening the bathroom door, he reeled back in panic. Reiner and Bertholdt were both standing there. Smirks playing on their lips as he Eren nearly fell into the toilet backwards "Eren. We really need to stop meeting this way" His heart was racing. Facing Bertholdt had been bad enough, but now Reiner was right there next to him "W-what do you want?" "We want to know why you did it..." "What? Did what?" "Why you talked. Thanks to you, a certain dog of the police has been making trouble for us" "I didn't tell the police anything" "Maybe not. But you told that alpha of yours" "Wha... Levi doesn't know anything" "So you didn't tell him about the knife or Zeke's shirt?" "N-no" "You know, when you lie, you're only making things worse for yourself" "Levi doesn't know anything" Reiner chuckled, shaking his head while Bertholdt stood taller "We know Levi gave the knife and shirt to Floch... what we can't figure out, is why you suddenly mean so little to him. After all, you begged us to save Levi... instead of saving your poor brother" Eren was thrown further off kilter by Bertholdt's words. He didn't know what the alpha was talking about "You're the one who killed Zeke! You're the ones who stabbed him to death!" "No, Eren. You're the one who killed Zeke. Oh! Ho! I don't think he remembers" "How can you not remember killing your own brother?" "He was high... man, the way he screamed for Levi... I think he loved the drugs as much as the sex" "I don't know what you're talking about! Please. Levi doesn't know anything. The police don't know anything!" "You don't remember? The blade at Zeke's throat? We gave you a choice. Zeke or Levi... and you chose Levi. You let Zeke die" "No! No, I didn't! You promised if I let them touch me... you promised they all be safe" Bertholdt let out a laugh that hurt his ears "Eren, do you really think you have that kind of value? Any kind of value? Why do you think Levi let you mark him? You're just convenient" "Levi's different! Levi loves me!" "No one could ever love you. Not with that bastard's blood in your veins" Eren's heart felt like it would burst from his chest. His thoughts just as messed up as his emotions. What Bertholdt was saying, it made no sense "Even Zeke saw you had no value. No value outside of paying his debts and lining his pockets. Why do you think he kept you around? Floch wasn't wrong when he told you it was for the money" "No..." "He groomed you. Made you rely only on him. Treated you like a joke, because you are one. If only they'd killed you that night. That night they killed your mother... but it's too late to change that now" "Fuck! What do you want from me?! What the fuck did I ever do to you?! Nothing! I didn't do anything!" "Your family did. Your father is the cause of all this, but he was too valuable to just kill. No. We needed him. What we didn't need was that wife of his, or his bastard sons!" "Mum died because of him! I was kept like an animal! I was fed from a fucking dog bowl! I've paid for being his son!" "And until you pay with your life, you'll keep paying. That favours coming Eren. Coming sooner than you think, and when you see what it's going to cost you... you might just wish you'd died next to Zeke" This conversation had to have taken a while. Levi would come looking for him. He'd come looking for him if he didn't return soon... he needed to buy time. He needed to figure out what to do. What... no. Levi had handed the shirt over... that's what they'd said... the shirt and the knife... the police had his confession... no... shit... fuck. Fuck. He had to believe Levi wouldn't betray him like that. It was like the phone. They were messing with his head "You can't hurt me. If I disappear, the police will find out everything" "From who? Who's going to care you're gone? The alpha who lied to you? Who wouldn't give you his mark? Who takes you to bed to fuck you, then runs to the police the first chance he gets? Or how about those sweet childhood friends of yours. Armin and Mikasa. You know, Armin is way too trusting. All we had to do was let slip how we were great friends of yours... people always believe what they want to believe, even when the truth is right in front of them. The truth is, you're going to pay for what you've done, and you're going to die. Then Levi's going to die. After that, well, I guess we'll just pick them all off one by one" With a feral snarl, Eren rushed Bertholdt. He was completely out of his league and was savagely slammed down against the hard bathroom floor. Grabbing him by the throat, Bertholdt pulled him up slammed his head down again. Snarling and hissing like a feral cat, Eren fucking fought. But that didn't mean he didn't try. He couldn't get a grip on Bertholdt's suit, but he did manage a impressive kick to the alpha's shin, causing Bertholdt to snarl. Fucking high heels had to hurt. If he was lucky, he would have torn the skin open "You won't hurt my alpha! I won't let you hurt Levi! I'm going to fucking kill you!" When Bertholdt raised him again, Eren through modesty to the wind. Booting him in the stomach and feeling his heels catching as he did... the satisfaction only lasted for a mere fraction of a second, as Reiner booted him hard in the back. Kicked out of Bertholdt's hold, he skidded on the bathroom floor until he hit the toilet cubicle divider. Driving his shoe into Eren's stomach, the omega screamed, trying to escape, but Reiner was an alpha who'd just seen his partner hurt. He couldn't stand up to that kind of raw fury. The last kick smashed into his nose "You have two fucking days, then we're coming for you. If you weren't so fucking useless, someone might actually want you alive. But don't worry, we'll make it nice and slow, just like he wants" As the bathroom door opened, Bertholdt ducked into the closest cubicle, while Reiner moved to flatten himself against the wall beside the door. Fuck. Fuck. No. Levi had no idea what he was walking into. His alpha didn't even look around "Eren?!" Crying his name, he rushed towards him. He barely managed to take a step. Eren tried to scream in warning, but Reiner was slamming his fist into side of Levi's head. The king hit wasn't hard enough to knock Levi out, his alpha snarling as he dropped his knees, disorientated "Leave him alone!" His heart was hurting. Levi struggling to his feet, only for Reiner to kick his knee out with a crunchy pop that made Eren scream. Even with a busted knee, Levi snarled and struggled. Landing an impressive head butt against Reiner's nose. Roaring, Reiner stumbled back, Bertholdt launching himself at Levi and driving him down to the floor. Levi fucking howled a howl Eren had never heard before. His lover laying unmoving on the bathroom floor. "Two fucking days" Left bloodied and beaten in the bathroom, Eren couldn't even more to curl in on himself. His feet slipping again the tiles flooring as he tried, while his nose was bleeding like crazy. His stomach hurt so fucking bad, that was on par with his heat cramping. Angrily he slammed his hands down onto the tiles, over and over as he screamed. Two days. Two fucking days. Then what? Levi left and never came home? He couldn't live without Levi. He didn't know how to do anything without him. The adrenaline seeped from his body, as the coldness of the tiles started to ebb away at his warmth. He loved Levi. They'd spent time together during his heat. He'd accepted his alpha! He'd actually wanted his alpha! He wanted him there. It might not have been a full heat, but the fact remained that when he needed him, Levi had come home and looked after him... even if by some chance, he'd conceived during his heat, he'd been beaten so badly... Reiner and Bertholdt some how knew his father. Zeke had known his father. The foster home had known his father... his father was the cause of all of this. When would he finally be free of it all? Maybe if he closed his eyes, he'd die right now? He'd probably be damned straight to hell, but his soul would be carried on the wind, and that was enough... but... fuck. He wanted Levi. Levi was right there. He couldn't give up. He needed his alpha. His body wouldn't cooperate or move right. One arm cradled his stomach as he crawled to Levi. Rolling his alpha over, Levi unconscious. Taking his lips with his thumb, Eren mumbled an apology. He'd thought somewhere like this was too public. But maybe that was the point? They could get to him anywhere? It certainly helped that scent cancellers had been installed across the whole building. Even Levi's scent was being erased by them... or maybe it was all the blood in his nose. He'd done this to Levi... Levi needed help. Patting his boyfriend's pockets, he finally found Levi's phone. The lock screen was a photo of Eren kissing his cheek, while Levi faked annoyance. The home screen was the same, with their roles reversed. This alpha loved him. Levi would never have betrayed him... he couldn't help the anxieties and the voices that told him he was wrong for believing that. He wanted to believe in Levi... but right now, help hand to come first. Opening Levi's call log. Erwin was right at the top. He hoped Erwin was paying attention to his phone... "Levi! Don't tell me you're not coming back? Or are you Eren going to be taking a little longer in the bathroom" Yes... but definitely not that way... maybe if he'd ignored his feet, he could have actually danced with his lover. Like a normal couple "E-Erwin... we... we need he-help. Levi's unconscious... they... hit him from behind" "Eren, where are you?" "T-the bathroom... be... be careful..." * No matter how much he'd wished, Eren couldn't pass out. Erwin had brought Mike, and Eld with him, both alphas moving to help Levi while Erwin pulled him away. Passing out would have a been a blessing. Everything hurt, and Erwin wasn't helping. He just wanted to be with Levi, and Erwin took him away. Even when they got to the hospital, he still wasn't allowed to see Levi. His alpha was taken for tests by Mike. Mike was yelling all kinds of things, while Eren couldn't focus on anything outside of Levi's limp body. He was so fucking scared he wasn't going to wake up. He was left with Erwin for a chaperone until they finally took him through for tests of his own. By some kind of miracle nothing was actually broken, even after being booted in the face. Eren was photographed, his clothes taken for trace evidence, while Erwin kept the police from talking to him. Somewhere along the line Mike found him a set of scrubs, which were about as comfortable as hospital pyjamas... it was clear both alphas were dying to ask what had happened... but even if he could talk, he didn't know what to say. They'd given him two days... and then they'd attacked Levi. His boyfriend hadn't done anything wrong. He didn't deserved the violence shown towards him. How was he supposed to say goodbye...? What if Levi died...? What was he supposed to say? His mouth was so chewed up, just the idea of speaking hurt. It was a tortuous wait. One the nurses had given him a sedative. At least, he assumed it was a nurse. It'd felt like everything that had happened since Erwin came, had resulted in him being man handled around, people not asking what he needed, and instead forcing him to do as they wanted. He was so fucking exhausted. Jumping at everyone and every noise. But if he closed his eyes, he feared he'd miss Levi dying. It felt like a whole other lifetime that he'd been adjusting his shoes in the bathroom. The hospital was buzzing with activity, despite the early hour. Lead through to where Levi was, again he was being manhandled. This time by Erwin who insisted on pushing him around in a fucking wheelchair. He didn't need a wheelchair. He needed his boyfriend. Wheeled into Levi's room, his breath caught. Levi. He was laying there, half propped up... and awake. He'd been unconscious. He'd been so fucking scared. The way Erwin paused, Eren had the feeling he hadn't been expecting Levi to be awake either. Climbing from the wheelchair, he hobbled to Levi's bed, his boyfriend rousing from his thoughts as he sank down on it "Hey... brat" "Levi..." Levi hissed slight as he reached over and patted the space next to him. In the background, Erwin objected, but Eren didn't give two shits as he forced his abused body down, laying to face Levi "You look like shit" Eren gave a small giggle. He just felt so fucking relieved "So do you... how do you feel?" "Fucking concussed... but there's drugs, and they're nice" Nuzzling Levi's shoulder, his tears started to run "Hey... you don't need to cry" "You got hurt" "So did you... I'm sorry I wasn't there..." Levi's mouth probably hurt as much as his did... yet his alpha was being so kind... "I thought they killed you... I didn't think you'd ever wake up" "And leave you all alone. I don't fucking think so" "I'm so sorry..." "Hey... no. Erwin, is he ok?" "Bruised ribs, a concussion. He's going to be battered and bruised for a few days" "And they didn't..." It took Eren a moment to figure out what Levi meant "No... they were mad that I didn't want them" "We got some good DNA from under Eren's nails. He put up a hell of a fight" Levi smiled fondly "That's my omega" "For now you need to worry about yourself. Grade 3 MCL tear, and dislocation. Dislocated right shoulder..." Eren whimpered. He'd caused all this "Erwin, that's enough. He's been through enough" "And you're going into surgery in the morning" "I don't need surgery" "Levi..." "Erwin, drop it. Not now" "You could..." Levi growled "I said not now. My omega's distressed and you're making it worse. I'm not in the fucking mood for any of this shit, and you being an arsehole towards Eren isn't going to change anything. Go home. Calm the fuck down, and come back when you have" Great. Now he was causing more troubles between Levi and Erwin "Levi" "Go" Eren didn't know if he was allowed to be there, but Levi was too tired to be angry for long. Laying there, he could hear his boyfriend's heartbeating. It's steady pulse calming him more than words could. Levi waited until he calmed, before sighing softly "Eren, what happened?" "Alphas..." "To bash the shit out of both of us. There's something more here" "Levi..." "Please. I need to know what happened to you" "I..." He what? He tried to stupidly attack Reiner and Bertholdt, and had his arse handed to him for it. Levi needed surgery now, and he had no idea why. He didn't know everything, but surgery... "Please?" "I couldn't protect you. They threaten you. I tried. I tried to fight" "Me? Why would they threaten me?" "B-because... Levi... They know you gave Zeke's shirt and knife to the police. They're in trouble over it all. They didn't think I'd break my word and tell you anything. But then, you went and saw Floch behind my back..." He hoped Levi would deny it. But as the silence between the stretched out, he knew Bertholdt and Reiner had been telling the truth. Levi had gone behind his back. He'd probably even turned his hand written statement thing over. "It wasn't like that" "So you didn't give everything over to Floch?" "No. I did... I was..." "You were what? Trying to get us both killed? Well, congratulations" Climbing up, Eren gripped his side "Eren. Wait... I was trying to protect you" "From what? We've gone from me owing them a favour to "I'm dead in two fucking days"... and guess what, they're more than happy to go after everyone we know. Mikasa and Armin, they've already met with them. They know about Hanji and Anna. Erwin. Everyone. I was trying to fucking handle it. Now everyone's going to end up fucking dead" "Then go to Floch! Tell him what happened!" "We were at a fucking function with security and police and this still fucking happened. Think about it. They know who I am! They know what my father did. The know what Zeke did. They don't care. They just want me dead... for carrying his blood" Sliding off the bed, his knees nearly gave out as his bare feet hit the floor "Eren... please. I just want to protect you" "You can't! The police knowing about them, it puts them in danger too. They have nothing to lose" "Other than their lives" "They're already in trouble! If they're going to die, they're going to take as many people as they can with them! Why, Levi?! We could have stayed together for longer! Instead, you let me mark you, without marking me back! Why? Because you were scared I walk out on you?! Where would I go... I loved you... but you don't love enough to trust me... Everyone was staring... everyone knows you didn't mark me!" Hobbling towards the door, he was exhausted and confused. He wanted his alpha to hold him. To soothe his aching body. But he was so fucking... done. He felt betrayed. He'd trusted Levi and this was what happened. They'd be both been bashed for it... he had to find how to get in touch with Bertholdt and Reiner... maybe if he warned them... maybe there would be away to keep Levi safe? If he warned them, before Floch could find them... then maybe they could escape. Maybe they'd be too busy running... No. They'd still probably kill him... "Eren... Please. I love you" "No. Just... stay away from me" "Eren. Stay... we can talk about this" "Levi. I... no matter what happens. I really did love you. Even if your feelings weren't the same" * Levi had a long night of bitter angsting. Eren had walked out the door, and disappeared. He couldn't move his busted knee, and was too fucking medicated to make it out of bed. He still tried to do both. He had no idea what came next, or what to do. The pain medication he was on made it hard to stay awake, but he didn't want to sleep. Eren had taken off. When he'd tried to ask the nurses about it, they'd soothed him with the usual "I'm sure he'd fine" or "I'm sorry, Mike is still on call. I'm sure everything can wait until the morning". If it could wait, he wouldn't be so fucking angry. When he'd seen Eren laying on the floor, he hadn't even thought about how he'd ended up like that. His omega was injured and that had been all that mattered to him. He hadn't thought Eren could possibly be in any real danger. Other than getting lost. That's why he told him to take his phone. The building was huge and new, and galleries always had way more than needed amount of walls. With the number of police there, anyone sane wouldn't have done anything. And so. It was a long wait under uncomfortable blankets and between scratchy sheets, with Eren's distress clinging to the blankets along his right side. He didn't think this would happen. He'd though that with the names, Floch would be able to track them down... before something like this shit happened. He swore he knew who'd hit him. There was something familiar about it, but when the second one had joined in, he knew he was fucked. Both alphas seemed twice his size... both angry. And now he knew why. He'd fucked up. Because of him, Eren was in more trouble than ever before... he'd said something about two days. Two days... and his omega had left hours earlier. He could be dead by now... When Erwin came, he looked the appropriate amount of concerned. Pulling the visitors chair over, his friend dropped down heavily "Where's Eren?" Fuck... "I don't know" Erwin raised an eyebrow "What? Did you two have a fight?" "Something like that... I need you to call Floch" "Why? Is this about last night? Floch isn't assigned to your case" "Eren was attacked by the same people who killed his brother. They were these last night" "Levi. That's unlikely..." "Look. Call Floch. I would have, but they won't let me have a phone, and I'm too fucked up to move. Eren is missing. They're coming for him, because of me" "Levi" "Fucking hell, Erwin. He's missing. He took off not long after you left last night. Maybe an hour or two. He said they were going to kill him" "If they wanted him dead, they could have killed him right there" "They had to know someone would come looking for him. Everyone saw us together. They saw you with him" "They still had the time to have killed him" Fucking Erwin. It was like he didn't give two shits about Eren. None of this was Eren's fault. It was his for fucking going behind his back "If you're not going to call him, give me your fucking phone" "Relax, I'll call him" "Don't tell me to fucking relax. Eren thinks he's going to die. He's prepared to die. He thinks... fuck" Slightly over active thanks to his agitation, Levi swore as he tried to push himself up, despite knowing better. Reaching for him, Levi growled as Erwin pushed against his busted arm "Levi!" Shoving Erwin off him with his good arm, he glared at Erwin "If Eren dies, I will never forgive you" "I... I'll go call Floch" "Tell him to fucking fill you in. If you find Eren first, don't trust him with anyone. You keep him safe and you bring him here" Erwin nodded "I'll go by your apartment. Maybe he went home..." "Even if he did, the door's locked" "Look, I'll still go. The nurses will be in to prep you for surgery soon. I had Mike pull strings as it was" "He's still here? Did he say anything about Eren?" "No. As far as he knew, Eren was still here. Someone has to have seen something" Even if Erwin was only saying this to pacify him, it was a start. Floch would fill him in... he's been the one to introduce them in the first place... He could only pray that Floch and, or, Erwin could stop Eren from being hurt, or doing something incredibly stupid.