#boombox x rocket

[phightingships]

Could you do.... Astrobox/Stargazer??? Astrogazer.....

day 15: astrogazer

[milkcookiekin]

if project 2025 goes through if a republican is elected as president, everyone is fucked because the president will essentially become a dictator. (when he says he won’t become a dictator aside from day one, he’s fucking lying, he’s taking away the rights of millions just by implementing this project alone) everybody is fucked.

if a woman has some sort of medical issue, or is raped and gets pregnant, no matter their age, they’re basically being forced to keep the baby because project 2025 will get rid of abortions, and they will no longer be able to prevent pregnancy. if you are a single mother, you are both demonized and at risk of having your child taken away. abortion isn’t murder if the baby isn’t born yet!! it’s not infanticide if the baby isn’t born yet!! some people can’t afford or provide for a baby!!

if you have any sort of mental health problems or physical disabilities, you will be demonized for that, and you most likely won’t get the help you need because they will treat you as if you aren’t human.

for lgbtq+ people, they could be discriminated anywhere and not face any consequences. openly coming out as an lgbtq+ person means your entire existence is fucked because you could get fired from your job at any point if your boss feels the need to fire you and you are most definitely at risk of facing retaliation and harassment as a result. for those in same-sex relationship or are only attracted to people of the same sex, you will no longer be able to adopt your own child if you want one. they will stop any and all acknowledgment of LGBTQ+ people and will see them as nothing more than lesser beings. you can be harassed anywhere and they won’t do anything about it.

this isn’t even the half of it, and if you say you agree with project 2025 and want it to happen, you are either a rich, christian white person or some edgy teen in their sweaty clothes who hasn’t washed their ass in a week. go take a shower, you nasty little shit.

i’m honestly tired because both options for presidents are awful, one supports genocide and is on the verge of death (Joe Biden) and the other plans to become a dictator (Donald Trump), and he could easily swoop in if the first guy dies during his presidency and implement those laws.

this has nothing to do with phighting and i’m so sorry for the lack of content, i’ve just been wanting to bring awareness to the danger many people are in right now, i will get back to my writing soon, but if i have a platform that i can use to voice my and many others thoughts and my concerns, i will do as such. these are only a few of the problems project 2025 comes along with. if you are not in any of these minorities, at least try to help them out because we are at risk of becoming another North Korea. what happened to the land of the free?

[chainsawbunnie]

uhhh go play phighting on roblox hit platform roblox or smth

[dailymedkit]

Day 26

My magnum opus fr.

Can you guess my main and favorite skin, you can't say its not Medkit related because it contains Medkit

This basically summarizes accurately my experience in Phighting

(Fun fact right as I exported this Boombox nerfs were announced on bogcom, fellow boombox mains, I think that's on me)

[phighterss]

✦ PHIGHTING MASTERLIST ✦

MELEE PHIGHTERS

✦ SWORD ✦ ->

Nothing here yet..

✦ SKATEBOARD ✦ ->

Nothing here yet..

✦ BIOGRAFT ✦ ->

Nothing here yet..

✦ KATANA ✦ ->

Nothing here yet..

✦ BANHAMMER ✦ ->

Nothing here yet..

RANGED PHIGHTERS

✦ ROCKET ✦ ->

Nothing here yet..

✦ SLINGSHOT ✦ ->

Nothing here yet..

✦ HYPERLASER ✦ ->

Nothing here yet..

✦ SHURIKEN ✦ ->

Nothing here yet..

✦ SCYTHE ✦ ->

Nothing here yet..

SUPPORT PHIGHTERS

✦ MEDKIT ✦ ->

Nothing here yet..

✦ BOOMBOX ✦ ->

Nothing here yet..

✦ SUBSPACE ✦ ->

Nothing here yet..

✦ VINE STAFF ✦ ->

Nothing here yet..

OTHER

✦ THE BROKER ✦ ->

Nothing here yet..

DEITIES

✦ WINDFORCE ✦ ->

Nothing here yet..

✦ DARKHEART ✦ ->

Nothing here yet..

✦ VENOMSHANK ✦ ->

Nothing here yet..

✦ ILLUMINA ✦ ->

Nothing here yet..

✦ FIREBRAND ✦ ->

Nothing here yet..

✦ GHOSTWALKER ✦ ->

Nothing here yet..

✦ ICEDAGGER (platonic only) ✦ ->

Nothing here yet..

[mossy-paws]

Phighting! Designs

Wowee, this took 18 hours

anyways, these are my takes on some of the Phighting! Characters, we also have an oc cameo in the top corner (Mossgraft!)

the characters from left to right are:

boombox, medkit, mossgraft, subspace (open mouth and regular), rocket, slingshot, and bandhammer

medkit and slingshot are arguably my favorite in this, I really like how medkits colors came out and slingshot just looks really nice to me! Mossgraft is definitely a runner up as well!

Here is the non-chromic version + singular shots of all of the characters:

[quarrybee]

COS X PHIGHTING

assigning every character to a creatures of sonaria species

the haters on the fandom wiki (one person) didn’t blow this post up so I’m posting it here

elarickkeir - sword

prabiki - skateboard

valkurse - biograft

owa'stryrus - katana

muravil/sana'ata - banhammer

keruku/exotide/olatua - rocket

fellisio - slingshot

hemokai - shuriken

somnia elus - hyperlaser

cuxena - scythe

coniferon - medkit

clovilowper - boombox

skulderouge/shro/sang toare - subspace

saukuryn - vine staff

(I tried assigning as many swords to wardens as I could but there’s not a lot of overlap)

urzuk - illumina

opralegion - windforce

garra warden - venomshank

parahexilian/iztajuatl - firebrand

tundrik - icedagger

hellion warden/undoli/sigmatox - darkheart

angelic warden - ghostwalker

bazelii - dom

banishii - valk

verklixin/qurugosk - ghostdeeri

anutill - broker

buukon/cryptoth - traffic

jotunhel/meorlark- zuka

archalium - moneybags

corsarlett - paint buckét

mag’masta - carnage

noctla’ lune - void star

haechionx - lightblox

[h3avymachin3ry]

✦ PHIGHTING! ✦

i write for... all playable characters, deities (platonic icedagger), +the broker & traffic. [and most npcs, i'll lyk if i dont write for them lol]

★ -[PLATONIC] ⟡ -[FLUFF] // [SEPARATE PHIGHTING SMUT MASTERLIST]

⟡ SWORD ROMANTIC HCS! [sword x gn! reader]

⟡ INKED HEARTS [skateboard x fem! piercer/tattoo artist! reader]

⟡SKATEBOARD ROMANTIC HCS! [skateboard x gn! reader]

★I'LL MAKE YOU PROUD! [banhammer + mother figure! reader]

✧ROCKET ROMANTIC HCS! [rocket x gn! reader]

⟡STRAIGHT TO MY HEART-! [rocket x gn! chaotic! healer! reader)

⟡SCYTHE ROMANTIC HCS! [scythe x gn! reader]

⟡STOLE MY HEART! [shuriken x gn! reader who steals his stuff]

⟡MY SHINING STAR! [boombox x gn! idol! reader]

⟡MEDKIT ROMANTIC HCS! [medkit x gn! reader]

⟡OVERDRIVE! [subspace x energetic! gn! reader (who also loves biografts)]

⟡COME HOME, DEAR! [zuka x gn! former soldier! reader]

★STITCH YOU UP! [the dollmaker + gn! reader]

[phightingconfessions]

welcome phighters, to PHIGHTING! CONFESSIONS!!!!!

(brief) rules for confessions

-no racism/lgbtqphobia/etc . I don't even know how you'd manage this tbh, but dont try! I'll block you!

-no overly NSFW confessions. you can say how you want x character to to do unspeakable things to you or something, that's fine, just don't get too crazy with it or I won't post it (you probably won't get blocked unless you're like a repeat offender or somethin)

-please do not threaten any of the mods or anons, joke or not :) its weird :)

and keep in mind: I do not always agree with what's submitted I'm just posting things

alright I think that is all I got to say, have fun confessing!! you can learn more about the current mods here, here, and here!

(mod Biograft was the first mod, but he is not a mod anymore! she left of its own accord)

anon list (everything is linked for easy navigation):

⚔️ anon (now depreciated, current mod) 🐸 anon 🍊 anon 🐑 anon boombox kisser anon boombox simp anon/skateboard simp anon boombox kin anon 💠 anon 🪶 anon 🫀 anon ❄️ anon ✴️ anon 🛡️ anon 🖊️ anon >:3 anon robot romancer anon swocket vandalism anon tripmine anon subspace copium anon flea anon 🧣 anon 🪞 anon 💌 anon ☀️ anon robofucker 5000 anon 💜 anon 🐾 anon lovey dovey anon meddy anon 🌸 anon 🍴 anon 🎩 anon/coil fictive anon ✒️♟️ anon machine anon hobblegrunt anon 🎟️ anon scythe fictive anon (depreciated, now a mod) 🤖🗡️ anon 🎭🎉 anon 🎐 anon ⚒️ anon 🔶 anon metal moncher anon 👁️🎾 anon flea anon 💎 anon ⚔️👁️‍🗨️ anon 🕷️ anon 🇺🇸 anon 👾 anon 🫃 anon 💔 anon ⛓️‍💥 anon 🫵 anon ❄️🛹 anon 🍃 anon ��� anon z1lly anon 🧠 anon 🫡 anon 🌹🕊️ anon slingshot fictive anon 🐦 anon silly sea seal anon subspace liker anon always watching anon coin anon skate kin anon metal pipe anon

additional navigation:

#confession - #not a confession - #blog updates - #mod biograft - #mod sword - #mod rocket - #mod scythe - #garten of banham saga

[jesterv1]

What's your opinion on boomspace/boombox x subspace? :D

It's a strange but interesting ship lol (almost like the rocket x skateboard thing) love and hate hahaha

[fictionkinfessions]

im feeling sentimental right now but i wanna yap a bit. preferably at my slingshot (purrfurably if you will /silly)

when i first started remembering you i was trying to nail your vibes down, and remember more about our relationship. i still don't remember a lot but i do remember you had some sort of energetic and confident fun to you that is solely unique to YOU and nobody else that i can remember in any of my lives. you remind me of what basic understanding i have of sonic the hedgehog a little (i do not kin from sonic and im not really a sonic fan, it's just something about your silliness and the way you spoke with confidence and energy)

i remember when we were together your voice became so gentle as opposed to when we were out doing things, or in phights. there was something so about you that i can't quite place yet, but i know i valued it a lot.

a lot of people draw you with a long cat tail, but your fluffy bob tail was super cute to me, especially when you wagged it a little. i thought it was super adorable and i loved seeing you so happy

i remember you were competitive and didn't like losing. there was one memory i have where we met up in crossroads with rocket (who, for context of anybody else reading this was part of the main friend group of me/sling/skate as well as sword) to go on a phight and you were super super excited. you were super pumped but when we got there we ended up losing and you got frustrated because you thought you threw the game (which may i add you didn't. it was just an off day maybe, and everyone in the team is responsible for a win or a lose, it doesn't affect your personal skill). you didn't really want to interact with anybody, and i understood that and i just put my tail on your lap and sat beside you in some sort of comfort.

and i don't know how long from that memory it was, but you were feeling a lot better and we went on a date in the crossroads and i was so happy to see you feeling better. i kept trying to subconsciously wrap my tail around your legs as we were walking, and i didn't really realize it a lot of the time hehehe

you were also brave. i am not sure why my memories always pertain to banhammer beating me up or somehow you (in that one memory where we lost the match he kinda slung you across SFOTH and i was like FUUUCK) but i have a memory where i tripped in some sort of way because banhammer was on my trail (i had just shielded Shuriken who promptly was able to get away after i stepped in for support) you shot at him rapidly and then taunted him when he was about to hit me with his hammer... and like, pissed him off. we locked eyes for a second and you gave me this mischievous smile before running away after he made chase towards you. i didn't really process it until later but i really appreciated it (would rather not have a life end with being crushed by some huge object for the THIRD TIME and gods forbid it be by banhammer /silly)

i remember sitting down somewhere. maybe at your place with shuriken and vinestaff and everyone else (who I don't think was there) or at my place (i am unsure where exactly) but i was watching you take cookies out of the oven and oh my gods they were some of the best cookies ever. i loved seeing you smile as we shared warm treats together and absolutely melting in utter bliss at your baking skills

i miss you, and i'd love to talk. and perhaps if you'd prefer not to reach out, hey, i get it. all i wanna say for that is thank you for the memories. you mean a lot :]

i hope i got everything right with this one. what an essay of a 'fession oopsiiiiee. if you see any mistakes noooo you didnt /j

-boombox (#🕹️👾🎸)

x

[milkcookiekin]

nicknames phighting characters would give their s/o

slingshot - sunshine, cupcake, sweetheart

“hey sunshine, you wanna help me bake?”

skateboard - babe, hon/honey, doll

“babe, watch this!” *tries doing a trick to impress you*

boombox - baby, sugar, cutie

“c’mere sugar! can I hug you?”

rocket - angel, muffin, honey bun

“you’re…really pretty, angel..”

sword - bunny, pumpkin, amor

“amor, c’mon, let’s get some rest..”

shuriken - teddy bear, dumpling, pudding

“let’s cuddle, teddy bear!”

[phighterss]

✦ FANDOMS I WRITE FOR ✦

✦ PHIGHTING -

CHARACTERS I WRITE FOR -> Sword, Skateboard, Biograft, Katana, Banhammer, Rocket, Slingshot, Hyperlaser, Shuriken, Scythe, Medkit, Boombox, Subspace, Vine Staff, The Broker

WHAT I CAN WRITE -> Fluff, Angst, Smut, Headcanons, Drabbles, Full-on stories

—> Link to Phighting Masterlist <—

ONLY SELFSHIP (CHARACTER X READER) REQUESTS!! NO ICKY CANON X CANON!!!

[cordalino]

A Brawl Stars Playlist because I'm currently hyperfixed

 Here’s the link for y’all ;)

 https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5KNhfysc9lGG7qvZ8WLVv3?si=a09558b1e647485a 

Starr Park - Suspicious Minds by Elvis (Starr Park is based in the early 50′s - late 70′s and I′m LIVING for its whole vibe. This park is mega sketchy, too)

  Should I Stay or Should I Go? by The Clash (LEAVE THIS PLACE NOW)

Retropolis Gang - Johnny B. Goode by Chuck Berry 

Black Betty by Ram Jam (Just imagine this playing in the background at Bull’s   Diner during dinner time omg)

Bibi - Rebel Girl by Bikini Kill (No way she hasn't started a riot, I swear)

 Bad Reputation by Joan Jett & The Blackhearts (She says she watches Shrek just for this scene, but she actually really likes the sappy stuff, too)

Bull - Saturday Night’s Alright by Elton John (This just reminds me so much of that one scene in Kingsman: The Golden Circle, ITS WEDNESDAY)

  Ballroom Blitz by Sweet (He knows the song lyrics by heart, trust me)

Crow -  Back In Black by AC/DC (He lives in that leather jacket)

  Crazy Train by Ozzy Osbourne (I'm basing him off a punk in the 80′s or just a little greaser bird boy in the 50′s)

The Mystics - Camel by Camel by Sandy Marton 

(Aside from the meme, this song is an absolute BOP)

Tara - Who Is She? By I MONSTER (She’s just so majestic and mysterious)

   You Belong To Me by Jason Wade (see the pyramids along the nile~ OK BUT THIS SONG FOR A TARA X READER OR WHOEVER YOU SHIP HER W/)

Sandy - do you dream of me too? by Rook1e (lofi helps him relax fr)

   Insomniac by Memo Boy and Chakra Efendi (this is self explanatory) 

Gene - Another One Bites The Dust (he walks through the park to the beat, coz I swear that head is EMPTY)

   Hey Ya! by Outkast “y’all don't wanna hear me, you just wanna dance :(”

Arcade Trio - OLD GENESIS by PHONK WALKER

Brock - Rocket Fuel by DJ Shadow ft. De La Soul (this is literally his theme)

  Punk Tactics by Joey Valence & Brae (Imagine him blasting this on his boombox though, I love him so much)

Rico - My Ordinary Life by The Living Tombstone (Ok but the 3v3 showdown promo from 2017 goes perfectly with this)

   Daydream in Blue by I MONSTER (Nah he’s daydreaming of Piper <:)

8-Bit - Tokyo Drift by Teriyaki Boyz (Crazy laser tag background beats)

   Browser History by Graham Kartna (peaceful mode 8-Bit coz he’s loading)

[highsviolets]

breathless, chapter 3: an obi-wan x 90s!reader au

summary: in which you and Ben discover that nothing is like the first time, but maybe time is a construct anyway

word count: 3.2k+ 

cw: kissing. light references to smoking, a lil angst, some language  

A/N: this could not have happened without @afogocado​. Thank you for encouraging me to continue this lil fic and an endless supply of ewan pics and listening to me ramble and omg ilysm 

 references // previous // next // series masterlist 

“my curfew’s at midnight.”

Ben doesn’t look at you when he speaks. Well, he does. Just not right now. He’s busy at the moment, tinkering with something in the hood of his car. hunter green t-shirt — auburn hair — something out of goddamn salinger novel ((or maybe dos passos))

you look up at him. you’re settled on a skateboard ((he’s far too trusting of your ability to remain upright)). listless currents from a fan — somewhere, in the garage, you think — ripple in that nomadic space between his t-shirt and your skin.

remarks are so curious a thing, and you watch yours descend upon him. not quite a cascade. not quite a pittance of cleansing summer rains. it’s something other — but not ethereal — it’s here, it’s now, it’s taking you, too, holding you in thrall — words bump into skin ((sinew and sin)).

“it’s about doing the right thing.” the grind of one metal locking its relatives, corollaries, corrosions, into place has ceased. or maybe only paused. you’re not sure the car is done. but Ben looks at you, and you know he’s done. done explaining himself.

the skateboard’s wheels squeak and cry out against the pavement when you adjust. legs stretched out — ragged vans pointing above ((wherever that is)) — violet tipped hands clutching the back edges — knees exposed — just kissing the faintness of tangible ((affection or affectations, what’s the difference?))

“i know.” freckles gaze into the sun, his eyes, reflections. he expects your explanation to be plaintive. institutional. it’s not. “i just wanted to know why.”

Ben shakes his head, once, twice, thrice — face still half-soaked in the shadow of the hood — astonishment is plain to see in the flatness of his cheeks — the waltzing of his tongue on his upper lip.

Two seconds later he is right there, crouching ((muscles straining)) next to you, the leather tips of air jordans exotic and smooth against the external lateral bone of your left knee. His eyes, screwed up at the invasion of the sun against their tranquility, stare at the meeting of his shoes and your body and then he is gazing at you.

angels manipulate his mouth into a smile — Ben’s yours, now — hands are clasped — battles halt in the ceasefire. “I should really stop underestimating you.”

Ben reaches out. Two fingers ride the length of your cheekbone. They still as skin morphs into frizzled, sun-bleached hair at the crown of your head, in that space between your ear and eyebrow. your head nudges into his terms of surrender. “That would probably be best,” you say. The pause between conditional tense and adverb is like the space between you and him, an assured hesitancy, caught between becoming and being, trapped in an interstitial existence.

it’s so fucking americana it hurts.

hair , secured by a scrunchie the same shade as your fingertips, is given a light tug. let’s get you home, he says, and your presence wilts in upon itself , he senses the rush of photosynthesis exiting your body and brings your lips to caress his.

it doesn’t feel like the first time — nothing ever does — familiar in semantics — murky in meaning — singeing and sweet — a transfusion of significance between you and him.

the breaking away comes with a solemn sigh. he’s rising and bringing you with him. you resist the urge to stage a coup and use the skateboard to rocket yourself into his arms ((a safehouse you’ve found)).

___

time: a nebulous concept for you. it’s pages dogeared and how many days until the next cd is shipped to the store and how many t-shirts you’ve accosted from oaken drawers.

it’s a far more solid object for him. a tangible weave of textures and patterns that he notices in the scrunchies now in the car’s island of misfits ((he still hasn’t told you the make and model)) and how many times you guide his hand around your waist while you eat ice cream ((vanilla in a cone with sprinkles)) and the pens he’s busted through since you first met ((he knows the number , they’re immortalized in a tin cup on his shelf))

Ben’s holding one that has yet to join its brothers in the tin graveyard. The clicker rests against his teeth. It looks seductive in his mouth. Like he can make you keen with just an imitation of the real thing, with words and ideas. Words twirled around the air have power. You both know this.

You’re the one who’s twirling, though. spinning around his bedroom — boombox emitting a Billy Joel song at least ten years mature — mouth forming words you have yet to possess the courage to blare — so much like your kisses.

((the words come through in the translation , the body moves but he hears the soul))

he watches you and he is transfixed. he knows you do not know how much you are revealing to him. at least not consciously. but you want him to crawl into your soul and never leave. he does not see it or hear it or feel it as much as he experiences truth, the clumsy trio dotting patterns across his extremities and seeping into his essence ((what it means to be human)) like an antibiotic ointment. he is scared you will stick to things for which you are not designed. but it’s too late and he’s covered in the stuff, slick with you. unleashed in a trigonometric function of three sides ((him / you , other)). sins and signs and echoing sunlight.

your smile mimics his as you edge toward the bed where he’s sprawled out. you laugh and he matches you, shaking his head in rare & unguarded ((unabashed , unembarrassed)) regard. you are in harmony.

skin meets skin — heels arched into the carpet — he’s too strong too stubborn — and you fail and fall and spill over him — tumbling over his torso, legs mashed — the heat of his victorious grin burns the atmospheric bubble arching over the two of you.

You’re not sure if the record stops or if you’ve just ceased hearing it. he arranges you ((like a bouquet, like a song)) on the bed. he stares down at you. the eyes are stormy again, like before he kissed you the first time ((but nothing’s ever like the first time)). they say eyes are the window to the soul. Your hands whisk the hair that’s dangling there, like you can quiet him by quelling his independently-minded locks. it seems to work. he blinks and when you see the sun again it’s brighter, bluer, but maybe that’s because he’s so still now.

he does not move. He may not have danced but his soul is pressing into you like a dagger ((did you fall on a sword)). Ben cuts off your impending speech with conciliatory kiss. “i know , darling” , and the words etch themselves into reality against your body.

—-

Ben is distant and he is near to you all at once. There are corners of his being that you want to slide and drag and push to the surface. maybe if you do he will start to make sense. form follows function, he tells you, and the words feel as yellow as the pages on which they’re inked.

it doesn’t make sense to you — “you have too much sense, dear one” — elinor and marianne — but for all his purity he does not dance — no ricochets in his lever and pulley soul.

you are glass and flannel and he is steel and silk. he is not quite your sun, or your moon, or your stars, and not even your world. but you are rapidly terraforming to his sundry heights and arid permafrost and the devil’s sun that makes a home in his fingers, in his mouth ((yet he is not lucifer, nor abdiel perhaps he is raphael)).

Ben watches you soak in him. He takes note, n.b., nota bene, notes well, excellently, the stillness of your hands ((the tremors have lessened, but have they learned?)). your words are teal and vermillion and ecru and weeping with tannins. Ben deduces ease, easel, paint, art as you furrow into his chest. His mind infers souls through their bodies. Form follows function. Function follows form. Maybe it’s all the same, and Maybe It Isn’t.

Through your mirror he sees himself with you but he does not comprehend. He is bewildered.

nails boards cones sheets — teeth fingers knees breath — swerving form yielding function clutching grasping — all so very , sine qua non — aspectu sine logos — why does the latin transform into Greek

Morpheus, he thinks, nods sagely. he hurls ticket stubs and lipstick napkins and sense ((you)) into shoeboxes and mailboxes and shadowboxes. he refuses a photo of you, with you, for you and takes your knotted eyes and throws them, too, into the nearest body of water. you are close but you are not near ((droplets on tanned skin, drowning in the water)) and it is all he can do to obey his life and he does not know that sartre laughs at him and de beauvoir pokes her lover.

you are not at the middle of your life and neither is he. the path is still obscured by the trees. is charon delivering you to this threshold of the styx ((stones, bones, death)) or the tip of the world where the stars scrape into the heavens with a different edge? he is rising: he brings you with him. so it was in the past, but does the past presage the future? if he is raphael then he is virgil ((Maybe it’s all the same, and Maybe It Isn’t))

epic firestorm of righteous creation myths — empirical histories — imperial truths. but no. dante, where is dante, is he off in firenze, dancing in florid colors? no. dante is in exile, civitas ex nihilo : in need of virgil. guide him to transcendence.

____

you do not see him for several days. maybe it is weeks. you aren’t sure. time is not empirical, Ben has told you, it’s something you have to feel through its measuring ((sometimes vibrancy tips out of his ridges)). but you wish he had let you take a picture of the two of you. you are more like him than you realize , the truest truths are the ones you can touch.

it is the longest you have not seen him, and it is very hot. the pool, the lake, they’re not the same when you can’t thread sand through his hair and be abducted by his gaze as you read ((spirited away from his bookshelf)).

you’re running out of books — running out of time? — but time is not statistical — multidimensionality of you and him — there is no space where he does not compress himself to exist with you.

“it’s not a phase, mom,” you say, and take another bite of cereal.

“you need to make up your mind.” the crunch is effective at blocking out the noise, and your mind continues on its path. you wonder if DJ Tanner ever felt like this. hair surfaces in your bowl, and you pluck it out, grimacing. Maybe you should cut your hair. it’s hot out. DJ had short hair.

a rap on the table — spoon? knuckle? you can’t tell — strikes you. the words reality and wake up and decisions and wasteful are abrasions on your knees, still sore from too many tries on Ben’s skateboard ((he had smiled at your earnestness and kissed away the latent tears , let your body do its healing)).

you do not speak words so much as you give birth to emotions, agonizing and cruel and hideous. you do not know what you say or if you even say it ((dissociation)). but it is metallic in your mouth and turncoat shaking fingers and the sinking sound of unharnessed emotion in your ears.

it is hot and stifling and too much when you leave. nothing is feeling right — that stillness has lodged in your diaphragm again — opaque skies mock you — rain comes and you are colliding with nature and you are losing

Ben is standing underneath the overhang at the library ((it always comes back to the library)) and you wonder if you’re finally hallucinating. you voice forms itself to his name and he turns, damp hair following a few seconds later, and he drops his cigarette at the sight of you.

Exhilaration delivers specks of mud on your legs and arms but it is no matter. the time and space continuum has rectified and he is in front of you, giving you a cigarette, gray t-shirt abstracting to his muscles as much as your vans cling languidly to soggy toes.

he exhales smoke the way he says your name. it is precise and pious and it blooms over you like pink and purple hydrangeas.

Ben sees the gouges in your eyes and chastises your traitorous hands and absorbs you. cigarettes slump, abandoned, as he presses your cheek to his heart ((the conjunction of your logic and heat meeting his fervent center)). you cling to him and he does not resist but molds himself to you. time stops ((it’s an illusion)). rain continues. Ben’s kisses glide along your hairline, your forehead. it tickles and you laugh and his smile takes shape against your frontal cortex.

you pull him into the rain even as he protests ((but he’s laughing and the clouds pause, time takes a breath , are you time)) and you kiss him. it is like something breaks in him or perhaps the rain has induced erosion or maybe he is like you and there is a filigree thread connecting his head with his heart and constructing a railway through his body. Ben is all the lightning — the sky has crowned a new Zeus —  you hold him as the thunder in his soul cracks and pulls

((maybe kant was wrong about time and heidegger was right about dwelling and nothing crystallizes in his soul like you do))

the two of you alight to his car ((still unknown yet cordial, native)) and when you reach his building he opens your door and scoops you up in his arms and it is like that first time by the pool ((but nothing is ever like the first time)).

your hand makes a fist in his soggy shirt and his hair is pasted to his forehead and you cannot censor the searing, violent, desideratum swooping over you ((nor can you pause the absurd laugh that gushes out of your heart at his display of exorbitant chivalry)).

“i can walk,” you say as he wades through water that’s now folding over his skin, lapping up his electrolytes.

“yes, dearest, but you can’t swim, can you?” he likes to respond with questions, but this one’s  an answer. Ben’s clutching you so tightly that you can’t see his face but you feel the contentment in his tone—it dashes into you like the rain currently encompassing the Earth, hesitant with the effort of exertion, with the weight of metal souls. “I’m just preemptively forbidding a disaster, darling.” there’s a tenderness bridging Ben’s raw power and mischievousness —  the network protrudes — extracorporeal ((does he know?))

He cherishes the rain, Ben tells you later, when existence reduces to you and him and incandescent petrichor and the pasticcio of kisses, heartbeats, palms on skin.

___

Ben is not carefree, but he is not serious. it is like he has learned that he can take up space ((empirical)). there is less constriction, tension, stenosis in his body ((the filigree is stretching his limbs)). movements are not languid but nor are they demonstrations of correctness. not slouching — just not strictly upright.

your hair gets tangled, like his sheets, like his legs in yours, and you tell him you want to cut it. An auburn eyebrow lifts archly, and he runs a finger down the length of your arm, tracing the veins ((your life)). “how will I teach you how to swim if you chop off your legs, darling?” Ben’s voice is charcoal. gray, yellow red orange burning, glowing at the edges. He draws up blueprints for cities in your open palm.

You make a quip about the ship of state and he snorts. When he shakes his head, his other hand — the one not serving as an architect on your body — shags through his hair, tanned skin meeting with copper effervescence in a ragged tryst. “i like its hows” he murmurs against your lips and you cannot protest, not when his caustic tongue ices, soothes, pacifies your conflagration.

The two of you are at the pool, again. He’s on his break. The air’s circulation is viscous, shoving over your skins. It straps you in — like the fanny pack around his waist. Ben’s donned his lifeguard pack for work, swapping out his array of gauche accessories for the traditional red and white accoutrement now fastened at his hips.

the most important things in his life, Ben thinks as he inhales the light spice of a Malboro, start with “l”. learning, lady, library, liberty, lake, logos, love. he doesn’t know from where last word originates; he must learn ((connaître ou savoir?)). in his experience, there’s no such thing as luck. He feels like a character in one of those war movies filmed right before he was born, smoking lucky strikes in a foxhole and just trying to stay alive, goddamnit, just trying to get through the war.

The two of you are always watching each each other. The obtuse phenomenology plays out like a courtly masquerade. veritas, quid est veritas, for here both object and deception are degrees of truth. He smirks around the cigarette and you blush but your eyes hold his and you catch his approval and stuff it inside your heart.

Ben takes your hand and places it on his thigh as you speak. the two of you are straddling a lacquered yellow beach chair, offensive in its self-confidence. he leans forward and touches his forehead to yours. he likes to take initiative — he is making use of his knowledge, he told you once, mumbled and sleepy, when you had whispered the question against his shoulder late one night.

Ben brings himself nearer to you. sweat — splashes — dangling exertions — smoke — sunscreen. it all plays about your lips and in your blood and in his hands that keep yours pressed against his flesh. someone yells at him to get his ass back to work and Ben rolls his eyes.

“duty calls.” his actions, the chair: they embolden you to dip your voice, your thoughts, mayhap you actions to a lower register.

He ducks his head to peer at your face, like that first time when you were falling over ((but nothing is like the first time)). as he passes the remainder of the cigarette to you, the words he speak sound like him, carry his weight, refracted starlight from coal. “we all have a duty. even you.” Ben doesn’t need to say his duties; they are his life, his schedule, the notebooks in haphazard stacks under the bed, his tin cups of pens. you wonder if you are part of his list ((if the cables have let you traverse the journey from his heart to his head)).

when you tell him that he is diamond but you a like one of those new gems they make in labs — what are they called — moissanite, he shakes his head. “you are not so scientific, darling.” fingers squeeze yours. “you are burning skies and delimitations and biting stars — the most natural things that exist.”

((you are not sure if you believe him, because nothing is like the first time)).