#book ramblings by olivia

[terapsina]

Let's talk books. Sorted in threes by vibes.

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I Support Women's Wrongs (murder, slaughter and body horror galore).

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How to Become the Dark Lord and Die Trying ⭐⭐⭐⭐½ by Django Wexler - A woman from Earth is dropped into a magical realm, meant to save the Kingdom from the FoRCes of DaRKneSSss... except, unfortunately that might have been a thousand years worth of time loops ago, so it's rather time to lose one's temper and decide to become the Dark Lord herself.

Main character -> basically Deadpool (measured in sanity, humor and levels of bisexual horniness)).

Someone You Can Build a Nest In ⭐⭐⭐⭐ by John Wiswell - Shesheshen, a shapechanging monster who's rudely interrupted during her hibernation by hunters. Manages to to eat one of them, unfortunately she also gets shot by an arrow and falls off a cliff. On the bright side she meets a lovely human woman she might end up falling in love with so much... she'll want to build a nest in her (it's possible there's some Cultural Differences that need to be worked through).

Hench ⭐⭐⭐⭐ by Natalie Zina Walschots - Anna's latest temp job for a villain (because even supervillains need office help) ends with her carelessly injured by a superhero, laid off and with injured mobility for the foreseeable future (because human bodies don't see much difference between getting hit by a truck and getting moved out of way by someone able to pick up a truck). Angry, disillusioned, and looking for some vengeful payback she starts compiling the statistics of exactly how much suffering gets left behind the heroes and in quick order finds a new job working for one of the worst supervillains in the neighborhood.

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Extremely Competent Women Show Up to Fix Everyone's Shit (with a whallop of romance which was actually sweet instead of irritating)

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The Witchwood Knot ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ by Olivia Atwater - Winifred Hall was invited to the Witchwood Manor under the pretense of being the governess for a very bratty kid, but when said boy suddenly turns into a very quiet and perfectly bland boy overnight it's very obvious her charge has been stolen by faeries (and it might have something to do with the actual reason she's there). Rescue however is complicated by some factors, one, there being something terribly dark and wrong about the house (normal houses don't have screaming faces in the walls), another, the faerie man posing as the manor's butler who would very much like to make her run screaming the way so many servants had before her (unfortunately for him, she's not even half as scared of him as she is the eyes of the father of her charge).

This one's about dealing with past trauma, and otherworldly terrors paling in comparison to mundane monsters, set in a very beautiful and dark and shiver-inducing Victorian time world where the Fair Folk are very real.

(Same world as her Regency Faerie Tales trilogy that Started with Half a Soul but it's not necessary to read that one first to enjoy this one)

Keeper of Enchanted Rooms ⭐⭐⭐⭐½ by Charlie N. Holmberg - Merritt Fernsby inherits a house only to be immediately taken hostage by what turns out to be a very stubborn and opinionated magical house. Hulda Larkin of the Boston Institute for the Keeping of Enchanted Rooms goes there to facilitate the relationship between the house and its new owner.

It's supposed to be a very simple job. Unfortunately there's a third POV character in this book (no, not the Whimbrel House, though I adore that house and *insert here the Rosa Diaz gif about her new puppy and how she would kill everyone in this room and then herself if anything were to happen to that dog*). Anyway, they're a bit... uhhh... let's go with Bad News.

Emily Wilde's Encyclopedia of Faeries ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ by Heather Fawcett - As one might expect from the title, Emily (a Cambridge scholar) wants to write the first ever encyclopedia of faeries. And she's brilliant enough to do it, what she's terrible at is people (*insert autistic character alert here*).

Someone else might then say it's lucky that a fellow scholar with a far easier time at charming people has stuck his toes in her reaserch trip into the Hidden Ones... that person however doesn't understand how irritating, frustrating and maddening her academic rival Wendell Bambleby actually is.

What follows is a story filled with winter snows, some terrible fae, some adorable fae, some not-very-secret fae, the goodest of good dogs, and lots and lots of squabbling. It's the best.

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Dark and Impactful Stories about Children Who Decide on Their Own Paths

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A Skinful of Shadows ⭐⭐⭐⭐½ by Frances Hardinge - Kate, an orphan and the illegitimate daughter of some stuffy (and evil) aristocrats runs away because being a bastard doesn't mean she didn't inherit the family magic that allows her to get possessed by the dead.

A dead bear ghost is one thing, a Get Out situation is something else entirely.

A Sorceress Comes to Call ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ by T. Kingfisher - Cordelia isn't allowed friends or the privacy of closed doors, and whenever she's done something she shouldn't - a category too unpredictable to guard against - she's not allowed power over her own body.

Because her mother is an evil sorceress (think Regina and Cora... except somehow even worse). An evil sorceress that has found herself a Squire to lure into a marriage.

Hester is an old maid living with her brother, a Squire (well look at them coincidences), when said brother acquires a woman clearly set on his fortune. The plan is only to save her brother, except Hester can't help noticing how the woman's daughter keeps flinching in her mother's presence.

In The Lives of Puppets ⭐⭐⭐⭐ by TJ Klune - A family can be an android inventor, his human son (*homoromantic asexual alert*), a sadistic nurse droid, and a very emotional roomba.

And it can be a very happy family. Until one uncovers and wakes up an android that shares a very Skynet past with one's father, said father gets kidnapped, and one has to go on a journey to get him back.

(A book I like to call Sci-fi Reverse Pinocchio)

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Unraveling an Unjust System (and a hero that - on a scale from occasionally to constantly - hears a disembodied voice directly in their heads okay the connection between these three is a bit of a stretch but they're all great books so shut up)

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Hell for Hire ⭐⭐⭐⭐½ by Rachel Aaron - 5000 years ago Gilgamesh conquered the heavens, enslaved the demons and made it so that the only road to magic humanity had access, was through him.

Now, however a mercenary team made up of free demons gets hired by a Blackwood witch to protect him (and his familiar, the talking cat named Boston) while he puts down roots (literally) inside the new forest grove he's about to start so that he can stand up against the warlocks after him.

The witch quickly becomes the best client Bex and her crew have ever had (after all, warlocks under the rule of the Eternal King Gilgamesh are slavers of their kind, they are delighted at the chance to kill some).

Vespertine ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ by Margaret Rogerson - In a world where the veil between the living and the dead has been kinda broken Artemisia (*another autistic character alert*) is training to be a Gray Sister (magic nun).

Until her convent gets attacked by possessed soldiers and she has no choice but to pick up a Saint's Relic containing a malevolent revenant to protect it.

Problem. Only a Vespertine is supposed to do it. Another problem. The only one "alive" who can teach her to be a Vespertine is the revenant. Another another problem. The revenant cannot be trusted and if she loses control to it, the death toll will be counted in cities.

Terminal Alliance ⭐⭐⭐⭐¾ by Jim C. Hines - Post Zombie Apocalypse, where some aliens showed up, sort of cured the zombies and took the (mostly) cured zombies into their military.

Which leads us to Marion Adamopoulos, also known as Mops, the Leutenant in charge of Shipboard Hygene and Sanitation of the Earth Mercenary Corps Ship Pufferfish.

Right up until a bioweapon turns the entire crew except her crew back into zombies. Congratulations, she's the captain now.

(Space Janitors save the universe story).

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[disaster-bay-leaf]

the intense need to consume everything related to the atlas six while in a reading frenzy to finish it so i can do that but at the same time i know ill miss reading it for the first time so bad

[blottyink]

My September Reads Ranked

I dnfd 2 books this month, so I only have a list of books I liked. I dnfd Project Hail Mary by Andy Weir and A Spiral of Need by Suzanne Wright. I thought both of these were going to be 5 star reads for me, but I was wrong.

1. Two Twisted Crowns by Rachel Gillig:  I loved this series with every fiber of my being. The characters we’ve had the pleasure of meeting in the first book, get together to find a missing magical artefact. In the process, Gillig blesses her readers with a tender romance and an abundance meaningful character arcs. The magic system is unique, the plot is crazy, and the writing is beautiful. It’s the best time, and the dialogue between the characters is addictive. The Shepard King series is hands down the best fantasy series I’ve read all year, and probably the best fantasy series I’ll ever read. I have the special editions (coming out this month) on preorder.

2. Half a Soul by Oliva Atwater: As a child, Dora has half her soul taken by a fairy. Both of her parents are dead, so she ends up with her bitch of an aunt and her pretty cool cousin. This takes place in the regency era in London. Dora’s pretty cool cousin is sent to London to find a husband and insists on Dora coming along, and there Dora meets a grumpy magician named Elias. Dora and Elias’s banter is a ton of fun, and their romance is endearing. The book is cozy and heartfelt. I loved it.

3. Emily Wilde’s Encyclopaedia of Faeries by Heather Fawcett: Another fantasy book I loved. Emily is an eccentric professor obsessed with the folk, and Wendell Bambleby is obsessed with Emily. Together they are giving the hot version of Mary and Dick from 3rd Rock from the Sun. They are too funny together and find themselves in the craziest predicaments, and I already read the second book too. I can’t wait to read the 3rd book in Feb. of next year.

4. Brother by Ania Ahlborn: Brother is about a serial killer family that lives in the Appalachian Mountains. This shit is crazy, and it goes from bad to worse. Yk right off the bat you're not getting a happy ending. The plot is revealed through the two main characters in a compelling way, and the narration goes from following our main protag to past recollections of another character that's bat shit insane. I loved that Ahlborn's writing has an almost casual tone bc it lets you feel the normalcy the main protag, Michael, feels. He doesn't fully realize he's in a totally insane situation. It's perfect to kick off the spooky season, especially if you like reading about super dysfunctional families.

The following are Ruby Dixon books. These are all books about a romance between a human and a big, buff blue alien. They have a ton of smut.

5. The Corsair’s Bed by Ruby Dixon

6. Barbarian’s Seduction Ruby Dixon

7. Barbarian’s Tease by Ruby Dixon

8. Barbarian’s Beloved by Ruby Dixon

9. Barbarian’s Treasure by Ruby Dixon

10. Enticed by The Corsair by Ruby Dixon

11. Monstrilio by Gerardo Samano Cordova: I liked this book, but the time jump in the second half was jarring and didn’t make a whole lot of sense.

I planned on reading House of Leaves by Mark Danielewski and Babel by R.F. Kuang in October, but I don’t feel like it. With House of Leaves I saw a lot of talk about how you read it mostly for the unique narrative, and I don’t think I’m in the head space rn to read something for that reason. Then I read a discourse about how Babel is mostly telling instead of showing, and that’s not my cup of tea. In retrospect, I think that’s the main reason I couldn’t stand Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin and Red Rising by Pierce Brown (despite their popularity). I’ll read both these books eventually and give them a go, but I’m not in the mood for them.

I ordered like 10 books, and I’ll see what I end up reading.

[jeanmoreaux]

olivia’s can’t catch me now and taylor’s safe & sound are sisters to me

[wings-of-flying]

i say things here that i cannot say on the group chat

[imthatweirdratinthecorner]

i’m a feminist obviously but i wouldn’t really mid him saving me~

[princerobot-iv]

Spencer's mom ripping Darren Wilden to shreds just gave me an absolutely unreal burst of serotonin

[oc-place]

"I'll be there for you, no matter what you're going through I'll be there with you, anytime that you need me to"

Nyx Hopper & Jen Brooks (for @jennathearcher)

[terapsina]

Just started reading Small Miracles by Olivia Atwater.

There's a Fallen Angel of Petty Temptations who could go into millennia long rants about the unfairness of a System that makes eating chocolate a small sin that makes you lose points.

So clearly I'm already absolutely sold on this book.

(initial vibes impression: essentially, if Good Omens and The Good Place had a baby).

[afterthegreatunknown]

sbg friendship: hector and olivia

i'm back at it with an old ask meme game i made a while back and being the creator i am doing it unasked nobody can stop me

Who I think befriended the other first: In a way, they befriended each other at the same time. Both thought each other as only acquaintances (help due to sharing mutual acquaintances and being in the same generation), but never friends proper.

But an incident involving Ishmael trying to teach them something broke down that barrier. Ishmael was trying to teach them a particular technique on how to set a fire (for 'right' reasons, like camping). Ishmael in trying to 'set' it out with a fire extinguisher got himself cover in the foamy stuff, and had to change his clothes. Hector and Olivia couldn't help but talk about it for days.

Who I think would steal the food of(f) the other plate: Olivia, but only with fries and potato chips. Hector tries to stop her, but she persists and will succeed in stealing one.

Which one would tell the other a secret first: Hector. Olivia jokingly tells him that she will tell others of said secret, but she never does so. Olivia likes Hector to not betray his trust.

(This makes her eventual death darkly true, for by then, she gives what others want. And that includes secrets she swears to keep.)

Ideal Hangout Locations: Either of their apartments (it's fun to stay in), Caligari Carnival (when it was in it's peak and golden days, it was a place to visit), Food trucks (especially if it's a Mexican taco trucks), stores (they enjoy the most mundane of shopping activities, like buying groceries or picking out hair care products or party decorations)

Which one would pretend to be their significant other if the situation ever calls for it: Olivia. She puts a good act too, as if she spotted her boyfriend from across the room, or if she came from the restroom and just saw a random person hitting on him. Hector is quite impress by her talents, saying she's ought to give acting at try.

What causes them to fight (seriously or jokingly): Truth to be told, they're the friends who never fight with one another. Sure, they have heated debates, but they never really fight with one another. They can't even do it jokingly.

How they stop being friends (or not): Being assign to the middle of the Hinterlands with almost no way of proper communication created a slow, painful end of Hector and Olivia's friendship. Both think fondly of those by-gone days, and they hope the other is happy with their life.

(It's fun to think that, no?)

[esote-rika]

to talk is to bare | Spencer Reid

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader Category: hurt/comfort, fluff Summary: three times you've never felt enough for Spencer Reid—and the three times he rectified it immediately Content: insecure reader, written with early s2 Spencer in mind (glasses!Spencer rawr), reader wears makeup, implied bad relationships in the past, Spencer is just a sweetheart Word count: 2.4k A/N: entry for #lovers1kevent (congrats @mggslover muah) - the lyric prompt for this is “And I knew how you took your coffee and your favorite songs by heart, I read all of your (self help) books so you'd think that I was smart” from enough for you by Olivia Rodrigo. This was supposed to just be pure angst but apparently, I can't write this man as anything other than the perfect boyfriend.

“Well, actually, Dostoevsky intended the book to be a critique on certain schools of thoughts and ideologies, namely...”

You stare at your boyfriend, nodding along as he explains the intricacies and historical context of Notes from the Underground to you. His smile is kind and excited when he stops, looking at you expectantly.

“Right.” the smile on your face isn't forced, per se, but neither does it reach your eyes. How many times has it happened this month? It isn’t that you’re keeping count of all the times he’s corrected you—truthfully, you can’t, because you’ve lost count. And that’s the crux of the issue, isn’t it? The fact that you can’t even keep track of his corrections anymore, because he does it all the time. 

You remind yourself he's not doing this to deliberately make you feel stupid, your memory immediately calling forth all the times you've seen him correct other people — his teammates, the cashier at your favorite bookstore, a random person in the park. It's never pointed, nor is the act laced with anything but genuine, loving desire to share his knowledge. He's not like the men you've had to deal with in the past, the ones who jump at every opportunity to show off that they know more than you, that they're correct and you're wrong.

But this is Spencer. Sweet, wholly inexperienced, awkward. Half the time, he doesn't know how he comes across, and you've been dating him long enough to understand that. 

No, his corrections aren’t the crux of the issue. In fact, it isn’t even him. It’s you, and all the treacherous thoughts running through your mind. This damn book you’d read because you saw a dog eared copy in his satchel one day, pushing through pages upon pages of dense material just to catch up and relate with him, only to still come up short and have yourself be corrected.

The sting is still there, lingering and acrid in the back of your tongue. You cannot pinpoint it yet, this But it's Spencer Reid, so you grit your teeth and remind yourself not to take it personally. The words slip out easily. You could almost believe they aren’t lies. “Thank you for letting me know.”

The beam on his face is a reminder that not everyone is as patient, that he's come to expect looks that range from baffled to downright annoyed. Nobody else allows him free reign to talk like this, long winded rambles that get nipped at the bud with a sharp Reid. He smiles, beams at you, and this time the smile on your lips finally reaches your eyes.

“So what did I get wrong?”

“You weren’t wrong,” he’s pulling you in as he answers, lips finding the underside of your jaw and the bitterness dissipates, sweetens into something that makes your toes curl, “Just a little inaccurate.”

Your body melts into him easily. “You don't have to sugarcoat with me.”

“I'm not, it's literature. You can interpret it however you want, I just thought knowing the rest of the context would help you with your opinion.” he's kissing down your neck, breaths ghosting over your skin as he continues to talk, and you sink into his arms, forgetting why you were even feeling annoyed in the first place.

You’re not sure if you like the color you’ve put to make your cheeks flush. It's always been a point of contention in the past, your exes saying you don't put enough effort in, so this time with Spencer, you try. Even though you're not the best at it, even though you feel a little foolish because it seems a little too bright despite all of your hurried attempts to blend it a little more. But it’s too late to change now. You don’t want to go through the whole deal of reapplying your makeup because that would mean running late, so you ignore it and head to the cafe quickly. 

Spencer isn't there yet. You order your drinks, his black and into which you dump an exorbitant amount of sugar. Memorization is his thing, but you've come to learn a thing or two about him in the time you two are dating.

He's a few minutes late, and when he arrives, Spencer’s eyes lock on you. Or, more specifically, your cheeks.

“That bad?” you tease, standing from your seat and leaning over for a kiss. 

“You don’t have the coloring for that shade of red.”

Your brow knits as you pull away. Attempting to hide the flood of insecurity that swept through your chest, you let out a chuckle. Soft, shaky, and accompanied with a confused, “What?”

“It makes your cheeks look a little inflamed.”

“Oh.” 

Regret fills your chest, settling in your lungs until it’s difficult to breathe. You should have trusted your instincts and scrubbed the makeup off. Shouldn’t have tried something new on the one day the two of you can go out. He’s probably embarrassed by you. How silly, being a full grown woman wearing makeup bordering on clownish. 

He must have caught the hurt in your voice, the way your body deflates because he’s quick to remedy. “Hey, what’s that look for?”

It should embarrass you, the speed at which he picks up on your emotions. But he’s a profiler after all, he’s specifically trained for this, but sometimes you wish he doesn’t use it against you. Gentle hands cup your face. Cold hands, perpetually so until you’ve started keeping them between yours. They tilt your head up. 

“Talk to me.” 

“It’s stupid.”

“Nothing you say is ever stupid.”

You smile, “No, I think we both know that’s a lie.”

He relents. He knows you’re right; there are moments where you don’t make sense. “Not stupid, just…” his eyes roam your face while he searches for the word to use as compromise, as though he’ll find it tucked somewhere in your pretty features, “Lapses in discernment.”

You roll your eyes at his fancy vernacular, the attempt to soothe his mistake. “I think I prefer the layman’s term.” 

Spencer laughs sheepishly, then presses his lips to your forehead, “I’m never using that to describe you.” he murmurs against your skin, and then, “I'm sorry.”

Antarctica could melt from the warmth in your chest.  “You don't even know what you're apologizing for.”

“I upset you. That's reason enough.”

You sigh, pulling him to join you on the plush booth seat you'd managed to secure for your date. “Well, there's nothing to forgive.”

He accepts the coffee you hand him, corners of his mouth curved in a gentle smile. He sips, and you stew in silence, knowing that you shouldn't be leaving him guessing like this. He'd want to know, you can tell by the way he's studying you, the way he wants to examine and turn over your thoughts and reactions like he does with everything else in his life. But he waits, lets you open up if you so wish.

God, he's perfect.

“I was just having second thoughts about my makeup,” you murmur finally, “And you kind of confirmed it. I told you it's stupid.”

“Not stupid at all. I'm sorry,” you wonder if he takes his coffee sweet to match his personality, this asshole, “It was an insensitive comment. And for what it's worth, you look beautiful regardless.”

“Inflamed cheeks and all?” 

He laughs, pulling you to his side, lips firmly planted on your cheek “Inflamed cheeks and all.”

Maybe you shouldn’t have worn the blush after all; you're sure he's making you flush scarlet just by being such a sweetheart.

“Oh Spencer knows her.” the teasing tone in Derek Morgan’s voice normally makes you smile, but something about his tone makes you pause. You stare at the TV, where a new show is running, eyes zeroed in on the blonde actress.

“Spencer knows her?”

“Knew,” your boyfriend supplies, “Very briefly.”

Derek Morgan gives him a knowing smirk that has your stomach churning all the way to the end of the night, when you’re getting ready for bed.

You're in his apartment, in an old pair of his plaid pajamas and a t-shirt that fits you surprisingly well. It always makes you smile, his slight frame, the way you could easily steal his clothes and they wouldn't dwarf you too much. But tonight, Derek's words ring over and over again, bringing forth the image of her—Lila Archer, dazzling, perfectly curvy, an actress on a popular TV series… and apparently, a friend of his. You aren't really sure where this jealousy is coming from. He’s a trustworthy man, and you know he loves you. Still, the image of the beautiful actress persists, even as you climb into bed with him.

He's reading as he usually is, the low lamplight casting shadows over the sharp planes of his face. Without even looking, he shifts the book to his other hand, freeing up an arm to draw you to his body. It's easy, quiet, his heartbeat fluttering beneath your ear as you rest your head on his chest. The exact opposite of your own heartbeat right now.

“What's on your mind?” 

“Nothing.” It should be a sin, the way you keep denying your feelings. But it's just so silly, and you're a grown woman. Jealousy and insecurity shouldn't be consuming you like this, and yet…

“Please don't lie to me,” his fingers are in your hair, tangling deep into the strands and seeking for your scalp. They’re soothing and rhythmic upon contact, lulling your body into a sense of relaxation even though your heart still hammers at your chest.

“Why do you say that?”

“You usually remind me to use the overhead lights when I read.” fingers putting pressure on your scalp, traveling to your temple. He has you in the palm of his hands, “You didn't do that tonight. And your heartbeat's going at an abnormally high rate, even though I'm quite certain you didn't do anything strenuous before coming to bed. What's going on?” 

Damn him and his attention to detail, and the way he’'s learned your little quirks and oddities. He puts down his book and you turn your face to hide into his chest.

You chew on your bottom lip, reminding youself that this is Spencer, he wouldn't judge. “How’d you know her?” your voice is muffled against his shirt, “Lila.”

“We had a case in Los Angeles.” he pauses, as if considering if he should say more. Right. Confidentiality. You nod, accepting his answer.

“Must have been a high profile one then,” you muse, “Or were you just hanging around Hollywood studios with Derek?” It’s an unfair statement, but you can’t help it.

“No, no, it wasn’t like that.” You look back up at him and oh there’s guilt swimming in pools of honey eyes. “I mean, we kissed once, but I swear, nothing beyond that.”

You exhale. A kiss. He's kissed a TV starlet. 

This shouldn’t even be an issue. This is before you were even in the picture after all. It’s not fair to uphold him to some weird standard. You certainly had relationships before him. But none of them had been as stunning as Lila Archer. And if he could have Lila Archer, then what is he doing with you? 

“Hey,” his other hand comes to stroke your cheek, the soft pad of his thumb rubbing small, soothing circles, “Talk to me.”

It's a difficult thing, being mature and communicating when you just want to stew, but god he's so good, you can't punish him for this, for anything. “I thought you said I was your first girlfriend?” you say instead, teasing him.

“You are, but you know, I’ve kissed before, and been on dates—”

“With Lila?”

“No, with JJ.”

Oh.

“JJ?”

JJ? His lovely, warm spring day beauty coworker JJ? He went on a date with her? And kissed Lila Archer. It’s almost ridiculous, thinking about the type of women he's had dalliances with—lithe, blonde, perfect, before he settled with you. 

“Yeah, I took her to a Redskins game,” he says, his hold on your face still light. There's room to move if you want to, space to pull away should you need it and god he's just so perfect.

“You have a type, huh?” it comes out unbidden, sharp but dulled by a bitter laugh.

“What do you mean?”

“With women,” you reply, trying to temper the snappy tone of your voice. It's not fair to lash out at him like this, you know that, yet you can't help it. It's habit at this point, a form of defense that your exes have all been too happy to participate, “I'm the outlier.”

And apparently, he's an outlier too because his voice grows even softer, eyes searching your face with an anxiety that fills you with guilt. “Is that a problem?”

“No,” you sigh, arm draping over his waist and hugging him tight. 

He returns the favor, tangling your legs together until you're a mess of limbs under his sheets. “Then what's wrong?”

“Sometimes I just feel like—like I'm not good enough to be dating you.” there it is, whispered into his chest, striking straight to his heart. “And now, knowing that you could have had all of these — these women who could pass for models—”

“Angel,” the way he says the nickname makes you hide even further into his chest. He closes his arms around you, holding you so tightly it's difficult to breathe, but that's okay. Let him fuse your bodies together, let his breaths be yours too, “That's not true, you know that's not true.”

“Isn't it? You're so — you. Intelligent, well decorated in academia, an an elite FBI unit…”

He laughs, “I’m also an endlessly annoying know it all, I failed my gun license exam more than once, I don't have abs—”

“You don't need abs,” you counter, fingers clutching on his shirt.

“Wouldn't you rather be with a guy with a six pack?”

“I'd rather be with you.”

He gently moves away from you, hands finding your face to make you look at him. “And I'd rather be with you.”

You pout, “You can't use my words against me, ‘s not fair.” 

He laughs again, leaning to capture your lips in the gentlest of kisses, “I want you, I chose you, and I adore you,” he's murmuring between each kiss, hands cradling your face, “And if you have these thoughts again, tell me, so I can keep reminding you just how much I love you.” 

➺ My masterlist | Event masterlist

➺ thank you so much for reading <3

[wintfleur]

𝓛ITTLE MISS SUNSHINE

aka heathers profile

━━━ ❛ cause she’s that kind of book you can’t put down

ꪆ୧ BASICS .ᐟ

name: Heather Elise Hughes 

nicknames:

tiny (close friends) 

sunshine (everyone)

elie (parents & willy ) 

sweet girl (ellen) 

hattie (brothers) 

heath (jack) 

princess (joe) 

honey (joe) 

petal (joe) 

birthday and zodiac: May 14th 2001, taurus 

age: 23

birthplace: orlando, florida 

location: 

michigan (former)

vancouver, canada (former) 

cincinnati, ohio (currently) 

ꪆ୧ APPEARANCE  .ᐟ

eye color: blue 

glasses? heather prefers to wear her glasses, only really wearing contacts when she just doesn't want to deal with her glasses, usually when she goes out. 

hair color: medium blond 

hair styles: heather likes to keep her hair down at mid-back length, with curtain bangs that frame her face. to keep her hair out of her face and up, she likes putting it in a ponytail or a lower bun, or in two braids. 

skin tone: pale ivory 

height: 5’4 

scars: has a few scares littered across her hands from years of being in the kitchen.

piercing(s): two in both of her lobes 

tattoo(s): none 

face claim: sabrina carpenter 

ꪆ୧ ABOUT  .ᐟ

personality: anyone who knew heather or knew of her, would always describe her as being the ‘sweetest soul’. ever since she was little she's always tried to look for the best in people, treating everyone with kindness and fairness. Heather has a very warm personality, kind, friendly, enthusiastic and she loves showing affection emotionally or physically. Heather is soft spoken but can get a little loud/giggly when she feels happy/comfortable. A lot of her friends have said she has a nurturing personality, and just someone you want to be around and have in your life. Despite her soft spokenness she is very protective of the people she loves, luke likes to joke about her being like a ‘mama bear’ 

good traits: kind, honest, loyal, creative, family oriented, comforting, passionate, grateful 

bad traits: self critical, emotional when tired, an overthinker 

quirks: very affectionate, rants/rambles, nods when she listens to people talk, fidgets with her glasses, is always putting on chapstick, fidgets with her or joes hands when nervous, bites her lip when she's focused 

likes: christmas, animals, boats, cuddling with joe, skating with her brothers, conspiracy theories, her nintendo switch, journaling, singing, natural sunlight, snoopy, trying new recipes, cloudy weather 

dislikes: rude people, scary movies, spiders, being put on the spot, being taken advantage, bad manners, mansplaining  

hobbies: art, reading, gardening, jogging, singing, pilates, hockey, drawing, scrapbooking, knitting 

fears: losing her family, tight spaces, being buried alive, clowns 

strengths: her kindness, time management, her generosity, organized, her intellect 

weaknesses: her kindness at times, doesn't realize when people are using her, gives to many chances to people who don't deserve them, her anxiety, tends to overwork herself, gets headaches easily 

languages spoken: english (fluent) french (learning)

occupation/profession: owner of her own bakery, pastry chef, florist & influencer/singer 

ambition/dream: to have her own family 

current concern: how to convince joe that they should get a puppy 

currently listening to: lovebug - jonas brothers 

ꪆ୧ RELATIONSHIPS  .ᐟ

parents:

Jim hughes 

Ellen Weinberg-hughes 

sibling(s):

Quinn hughes

Jack hughes 

Luke hughes 

best friends: cole caufield, william nylander, olivia grace lennox, sophie carter, elora smith, mark suh

friends: most of her brothers friends & teammates, ja’marr chase, kennedy walsh, joe’s teammates, hailee steinfeld, justin herbert

love interest: joe burrow 

pet(s): a male white cat, named snoopy 

ꪆ୧ MORE .ᐟ

scent: in the words of her closest friends and family ‘warm and comforting’ she either smells like flowers or fresh bread / pastries or her signature perfume Gucci flora. Her scent is very welcoming and warm, and it lingers. She's often thought about when people smell fresh flowers or fresh bread. Her scent isn't overwhelming at all, it's very welcoming and comforting, some associate her with the smell of christmas. 

outfits: a few stable items in her wardrobe is;  her sweaters, her skirts, and tights. Heather loves clothes so she has a large wardrobe. She will wear all different shades of clothing, as long as she matches, she likes to look presentable. her day to day clothing consists of skirts, low rise or mom jeans, sweaters, baby tees, long sleeves or short dresses with tights under them. If she wants to be more comfortable, she likes wearing a pair of loose jeans and a big sweater. Heather is a big boots, platforms and Mary Jane girl, she has a few pairs of sneakers but they don’t normally go with her regular outfits. She likes experimenting with clothes! 

accessories: Heather is a big fan of accessories, she has many different pairs of prescription glasses so she has a lot of options for outfits. She loves wearing hair clips, thick hair bands, ear muffs, berets, bows, sunglasses. for her bags she likes having smaller ones for when she goes out, cute tiny keychains on them, for her more practical bags she likes having keychains on them as well. 

jewelry: heather loves jewelry! But she honestly doesn't wear it on the regular, it usually gets in her way as she bakes and it's just more sanitary if she doesn't wear it at all. She does wear her gold arden diamond promise ring that Joe got her every single day, always putting it in a safe place if she's baking. But for the days she's not baking, she likes wearing a few rings at a time, she doesn't care if it's gold or silver. She’s not a fan of necklaces, but she almost always wears her matching locket that she has with her mom. She owns a few bracelets and always goes back and forth between them. 

makeup: Heather's day to day makeup is usually just some light concealer, some mascara, eyeliner, lipgloss/lipstick, she likes to keep it very light. But on days where she wants to wear more, she likes doing some highlighter, eyeshadow, and sometimes her eyebrows! 

sexuality: bisexual 

health issues?  heather has severe anemia 

ꪆ୧ FAVORITES .ᐟ

food(s): tortellini, carrots, asparagus, steak 

drink(s): hot chocolate, coffee, ice tea, lemonade, dr pepper 

color(s): earth tones, pinks, yellow 

animal(s): dogs, cats, bears, horses (literally all animals) 

bands and artist: ABBA, Fleetwood Mac, florence + the machine, faye webster, beach boys, five seconds of summer

show(s): gilmore girls, yellowstone, outer range, gossip girl 

movie(s): nightmare before christmas, princess diaries, lord of the rings, harry potter 

person: joe and luke 

ꪆ୧ BACKGROUND .ᐟ

heather and alongside her older twin brother jack – by 18 minutes, were born on a bright and sunny monday. 

heather was 6 when she first made her first cake by herself, she often helped her mother in the kitchen and that made her realize her love for baking. 

when Heather was 7 she started figure skating, quitting when she was 17. She was naturally talented at the sport and could have gone pro, but that’s not what she wanted to do in life, 

in elementary school heather was in her first school musical, finding her love for singing. 

heather graduated high school at 16 

from age 17 – 19 (2019 – 2021) heather lived in Vancouver with quinn, for college. 

In January of 2022 Heather moved to Cincinnati, Ohio to fulfill her dream of opening up her bakery/flower shop. 

ꪆ୧ FUN FACTS  .ᐟ

heather started a YouTube channel in 2020 during the pandemic, at first, she only posted baking and singing covers, but she now posts vlogs as well, she has over 6 million subscribers. 

heather has been planning on releasing her first album soon!

heather has modeled a few times

heather along with her two best friends, sophie and elora have a podcast together, it has over 3 million subscribers. 

heather is an extrovert, she's definitely a people person 

heather was very popular in school, having friends in every ‘clique’ 

heather is a very creative artistic person! She loves showing her creativity in everything she does 

heather is a very motherly friend, caring, supportive, comforting, and protective. Not just with her friends but also with her family. 

despite having a busy childhood - teenage life with all her hobbies and studying, she was a very helpful person, helping her neighbors, volunteering, babysitting, or tutoring. 

heather’s two major love languages is physical touch and cooking for people!

heather never does a half ass job. No matter what she's doing, heather is putting in her all! 

heather is extremely close with her family, her family means so much to her, she talks with them everyday

heather had a really bad breakup in early 2021, her and her now ex-boyfriend had been dating since early 2020. At first the relationship was great, but it had turned toxic with the way he was treating heather. Heather was the one to break up with him after he went too far. 

heather had her first relationship when she was 15 for 9 months with her first girlfriend, they still keep in touch with each other. 

heather is easily flustered, something her close friends and family love to tease her about 

heather is very loved by the nhl and nfl world, the fans, media, commentators all love her 

heather was always at the top of all of her classes, she took her education very seriously 

heather obviously has her Bachelor of Science in baking and pastry arts 

besides figure skating and hockey, she is very clumsy with other sports 

heather is only competitive with board games and baking! Other than that, she's not really competitive

her dream is to have a family of her own, she's always wanted to have a son and daughter 

heather was voted for three things in high school, best smile, most creative, and most caring. 

heather loves puzzles, doing them whenever she gets stressed. 

whenever her iron is low (her severe anemia) heather becomes very tired and emotional, she tries to stay cheerful, but you can tell that she’s struggling. 

heather loves shopping! 

Heather loves planning parties and get togethers, she loves getting the people she cares about together and enjoying a great time with them. 

Heather is a very festive person, for every holiday! She loves decorating and dressing up 

Heathers three favorite sports are, hockey, football and f1

lots of people get cuteness aggression with her 

heather has her very own bakery/flower shop called ‘petals n pastries’ 

It's a very warm and homey place, she has a very diverse customer base, from students of all ages, families, people of all ages, etc. But it's mostly college students who order and stay in the bakery. 

The front of the place is where the bakery and seating are held, there is an entrance to the side of the place that leads to the back where there is an outside patio where you can find all the flowers! 

It is a very popular and well-known place despite being a few years old. It's often talked about its delicious pastries, beautiful flowers, the warm and comforting ambiance and the kind and friendly staff. 

Heather never wastes any of the food, donating it to homeless shelters and local food banks, and even fire departments. No flower is wasted as well, donating them to nursing homes, cancer support centers and women shelters. 

Heather is often called a workaholic for how much she works, but she really just loves it, her bakery and flower shop is her dream, and she just wants it to thrive. 

Heather is a chaotic drunk, she always wants to have fun! She’s very giggly and clingy, but she’s the type of drunk that you always have to keep your eye on, because one minute she will be standing there the next she’s climbing something!! she’s definitely the life of the party

heather has three Instagram accounts, her personal one is @/heatherhughes and her private Instagram is @/hattiehughes and her Instagram for her bakery and flower shop is @/PetalsNpastries

Her private twitter, which is basically like her diary, is @/heathhughess

ꪆ୧ POSTS N MORE .ᐟ

heatherhughes just posted !

📍Cincinnati, Ohio 

liked by nicohischier, matthewknies, teehiggins and more

🏷️ soph_carter , joeyb_9

🎵 : suddenly I see - kt tunstall

heatherhughes  ☀️

view all comments 

haileesteinfeld pretty girl 🤩

lahjay10_ joe can definitely see with those big ass glasses 🤣

joeyb_9 bro 😐

heatherhughes BAHAHAH 😭

elorasmithsss cutest girl 😚

elorasmithsss soph really is just cheesing 🤗

heatherhughes our smiley girl 😚

jackhughes please get a dog, I want to live my dog parent life through you 😔

heatherhughes I’m trying to convince Joe 🙏

lhughes_06 snoopy ☹️

heatherhughes he misses you! (pls come visit)

colecaufield oh? back to the guitar era? let’s goooo

heatherhughes my fingers HURT.

_quinnhughes I miss your baking please come back 😪

heatherhughes just my baking?? what about my personality hmm??

justinherbert so I’m gonna need that pie ☝️

heatherhughes I just so happen to be selling that pie…

username the life I want to to live

username her outfits are always so pretty 😵‍💫

username drop joe!!

username how is joe pulling that???

soph_carter the outfits? slaying! the face card? Never declines! 😻

heatherhughes me?? Blushing! 🤭

markSuhhh it’s not fair that my dog loves you more than me :(

heatherhughes no….he loves snoopy more than both of us 😣

joeyb_9 blessing my feed petal 😻

joeyb_9 but why that pic 😭

heatherhughes my handsome nerd 🤓

𝓻oro’s note. oh heather hughes my sunshine girl ☀️ i really hope you guys like her!! she’s so dear to me :( this au is interactive so please send in as many asks as you want!

𝓭ie 𝔀ith 𝓪 𝓼mile m.list

you can find everything for this au under this tag #⭐️ ꞌꞋ ࣪ _ 𝓭ie 𝔀ith 𝓪 𝓼mile 𐙚 . ꒱

˖ ་ taglist : @winterbarnesblog @toasttt11 @iceflwers @cixrosie @bunbunbl0gs

©️WINTFLEUR ; you can't copy, translate, reproduce, repost my fic, use my plot or layout.

[enviedear]

hey Olivia talk about Jason and love letters pls

i can never say no to you, not like i'd say no to rambling about jason lmao!! link here to what inspired this <3

swing by my askbox 🧸ྀི

basically, i think believe that jason would be not only the best at writing love letters but also the most genuine about it. to him, they come from a place of utter devotion. in my hc, i think he'd just really struggle with getting his words out. he hates the way they sound, that they never fully convey what he means, that he stops himself more than he allows himself to speak, and mostly, he cannot handle the pressure of a time constraint. even if someone were to give him all the time in the world to open up, his chest would still get tight and his throat would feel scratchy and raw. jason todd is a victim of analysis paralysis there i said it.

no—he NEEDS another outlet, another form of communication. so he writes. he always loved reading, annotating in the margins—now he does it to his own words. At first, he doesn't even count what he writes as love letters. he's not waxing poetry, he's just explaining his fucked up perspective because you deserve to know. you deserve to be privy to whatever's going on in his head. he fails (for a while) to understand that is love, the very crux of it. the devotion to spend his free time explaining what his mouth refuses to say is love in its purest form.

his words are sweet too, no matter what he's writing. he knows his audience, you. his letters always start the same, with the salutation of 'sweetheart' and an "i love you." sometimes, all that's written is a long run-on about how he feels, how overwhelmed he is. other times, it's reminders of how much you mean to him, how happy you make him. and of course, quotes.

i am a firm believer that jason todd quotes his favorite books (modern and classic) so you better assume he's throwing in quotes that remind him of you. things like "what does money matter? love is more than money." from dorian grey after you had confessed to feeling bad about him spending money on you, or "If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more." from emma after an argument rooted in his apprehension for sharing, and "I will live in thy heart, die in thy lap, and be buried in thy eyes." makes a common appearance. you're unsure as to why he quotes shakespeare so much, especially that line—but he's not. he knows it's the truest cohesion of words he could possibly find to explain to you just how crucial you are to him. detrimental even.

but it's not always super intense—a lot of the times it's simple letters. letters hung up on the fridge, on the dryer, in your car, even scattered little love notes in your purse/wallet. things like, "washed your clothes. you really need new leggings, i put money on the counter." / "changed your oil. remind me again in six months. i love you." / "missed you this morning. i'm coming home with dinner, your favorite. i love you."

where other men fail to find a form of communication that works for them, jason todd exceeds. besides, he's seen death once and he's not meeting it again without you knowing just how much he absolutely adores you. if he can't be here forever to give you the love he's practically overflowing with, at least the letters can outlive him. he'd like to be remembered that way—just by his saccharine sentiments for you

🖇️ masterlist | askbox | recent works

[tuesdaykiss]

“touching toes”

rafe cameron social media au

“he’s over more and more, had to give him a whole drawer. to be honest, kinda like seeing his trainers by the door.” — olivia dean, ‘touching toes’.

synopsis: after finishing her fashion studies at college in nyc, y/n moves to outerbanks to live with her grandparents. she worries about the loneliness that comes with being in a new place, knowing only her cousin topper and other relatives… that is until she is acquainted with a certain cameron.

part — 13 | 14 | 15

masterlist

the moment you walked into the agreed restaurant, the buzz of voices, the shuffling of suitcases and the sweet scent of the buffet surrounded you. your eyes scanned the tables of people, searching for sarah; the restaurant was dimly lit, adding to your struggle. the plan was simple: grab lunch, find our gate and board the plane.

what you didn’t plan for was rafe.

he was leaning back casually in the booth, beside his sister. the pair were deep in conversation, his arms moving around as he spoke. until, his eyes flicked up, catching yours… and there it was: a faint smirk plastered on his lips, the one that was both infuriating and intoxicating.

your chest tightened. for days, you hadn’t spoken. no calls, no texts, nothing! there was a deafening silence between you, and yet you brushed it off — convincing yourself it was nothing as you approached their table. it wasn’t serious. after all, you were just friends, right?

and yet, as your eyes met his, you were flooded with every moment you’d shared — tangled between sheets with each other, whispering sweet nothings… and the way he would look at you, like he didn’t just see you.

and now? now he was just… there.

“y/n, hey!” sarah called out, waving you over as she finally noticed your presence.

“hey!” you painted on a smile, attempting to hide the feeling of awkwardness that was brewing, “i didn’t know rafe was coming.”

sarah pulled you into a hug over the table, before you sat opposite the siblings. your body jolted slightly, as your knee brushed against rafe’s, given the close proximity of the restaurant benches.

feeling yourself becoming hyper-aware of the contact, you froze. it wasn’t intentional. or was it? you couldn’t tell. all you wanted was to pull your leg back, create some space… but you didn’t.

“oh yeah, i invited him last minute,” she spoke, like it was nothing, “you don’t mind, do you?”

“not at all.”

the blonde began rambling, her excitement evident. she listed off details and details about the weekend ahead; she had it all planned out.

and yet, you could only focus on her brother. the way he leaned forward, digging into the breadbasket, causing you to get a whiff of his — oh so familiar — cologne. it was driving you insane, but still the silence between you grew.

as sarah droned on in the background, his knee didn’t move and neither did yours. quiet tension hummed in the small gap between you.

he spoke then, saying something sharp and teasing directed at his sister. she laughed, shaking her head and all you could do was smile in response: being too caught up to catch what he said.

pulse thrumming in your ears, you felt the pressure of his knee more firmly against your own now. deliberate: he knew what he was doing. of course he did. he always did.

it was unbearable; the small moment dragging on.

finally, you shifted your knee, breaking the contact. the absence of his connection almost feeling worse, as your skin burned where you’d touched.

he didn’t look at you, though. didn’t give any inkling that he’d even noticed your movement. was it all in your head?

you brought yourself back into the conversation.

sarah’s story

liked by yourusername, itscleo and 72,213 others

just your luck. rafe’s ticket being booked so last minute, gave him a row of chairs to himself. but, after numerous complaints from sarah, he gave them up, having to sit with you as a result.

the first thirty minutes were completely silent. each of you wearing your headphones, droning out the awkward tension with music. it was only when rafe tapped your shoulder, you were brought back into the real world.

“do you want anything from the cart?”

shaking your head slowly, you went back to your phone.

“water? cmon, y/n its a long flight.”

you sighed in defeat, “can you get some chocolate too?”

he winked and the tension dwindled away slightly, “on it.”

a/n: can you even get a single flight? i don’t know, let’s not go into the logistics!

sorry this is such a writing-heavy chapter

hanging with some friends tonight, so i’ve scheduled this post — will sort the masterlist and things when i’m home!

taglist: @my-name-is-baby @yesshewrites1 @urbrunettebombshell @leather-n-velvet @fruitcakerafe @littlefreak-liz @wdwbts101 @akobx @lossfairy @marleymarleymarleymarley @jjmaybankmylovee @mbella607 @scream4mami @mrsdrewstarkeyy

[katsukiswiife]

Confession

A/N: This is a rushed blurb of nervous Carl confessing to you :3 lmk if i missed anything !

Carl grimes x reader, fluff, kissing, reader is really oblivious 😭

“Aaanndd whats this?” you asked “Cow!” Judith replied “and what does the cow say?” “Mooooo!!” You both said in unison, Olivia looked at you both like you were crazy while trying to hold her laughter in. “Yes, good! aaannd what does the sheep say?” you said, before getting interrupted by the door opening and a certain long haired boy walked in.

“Uhm y/n, can i uh speak to you?” he said nervously, avoiding eye contact. “yeah sure, Judith you be good with Olivia while i go talk to your brother, okay?” you said, getting up and giving the children’s book to Olivia and ruffling Judiths hair for a second. “I will!” she replied as you walked over to Carl. “Can we talk somewhere else?” he said. Looking at him suspiciously you agreed and walked up the stairs behind him all the way up to his room, closing the door behind you.

You crossed your arms across your chest looking at Carl. He was fidgeting with his fingers and avoiding eye contact, what was up with him? “Is everything okay? you’re acting really weird…” you said, walking a bit closer to him “Yeah i just uhm…” he looked up at you, his cheeks flushed pink. “Theres something i have to tell you that’s been on my mind for a while. I- i wasn’t really sure at first if i should even tell you but its been bothering me way to much and i feel like you deserve the truth..” he replied, stuttering a bit “Carl, you’re scaring me. Did something happen?” you said, concerned if something bad had happened to him or someone else. “no its- its not bad.. at least i don’t think so?” he was sounding so unsure of himself “okay well you know you can tell me anything, I’m always here for you” you said, trying to comfort him from whatever had him so nervous, only this seemed to make him even more flustered. “Yeah..i-i like you.” he said, avoiding eye contact “what do you mean?” you said, painfully oblivious to what he meant. “no like- I love you, y/n, i always have. I didn’t wanna tell you at first because i didn’t want to ruin our friendship..i didn’t know if you’d like me back and-“ before he could continue his rambling you shut him up by giving him a soft peck. “I love you too, Carl” you said, holding his cheeks in your hands while looking up at him with pink cheeks. “really?” he said, not sure if he’d heard you right or if he’s just imagining things “Yeah, I love you, Carl. I always have” he smiled at you softly before pulling you in for a kiss, which you gladly accepted.

[nycbaby21]

Young and Stupid

prompt: sharing a bed with your best friend's older brother

word count: 4,600

“I’m really sorry,” I hear my best friend’s voice rush over the phone. “Wow no hello, no how are you, no I miss you. You must be really sorry,” I laugh closing my book standing up and stretching. I had been sitting at my desk for the past three hours studying for my last final in an hour. “So I know the plan was for me to drive up and grab you and then head home,” Liana started and her voice trailed off. I groan already knowing I’m gonna hate what leaves her mouth next. 

“So funny story, you know that really cute guy I was telling you about,” she continued. “Yes, I remember the very cute blonde with super blue eyes,” I say grabbing everything I needed and heading out of my dorm. I began walking to my last class and stayed on the phone with her the whole way. “Okay so come to find out he lives like an hour away from my parent's house. So he is gonna give me a ride home,” I stop in my tracks.

“Li, what are you saying,” I ask having a feeling where this is going. “I already talked to my parents and they are super excited to meet him. I can really see this going somewhere,” I can hear the smile in her voice. “Okay,” I say stopping at the stairs of my lecture hall. “You aren’t mad,” she asks, concern in her voice. “No, I’m not mad. I’ll just have to find a ride after I finish this test,” I say. “Don’t worry I already have one for you,” she says. “Liana Barzal what did you do,” I ask with a whine in my voice.

“Love you! Talk later, good luck with your test. You are gonna kick ass,” she rambles and then hangs up on me. I can’t let myself think about it and walk into the room focusing on the test at hand. After an hour, I walk out of the building and head back to my dorm. I tried to call Liana several times, but she never answered me. When I walked into my dorm, I could see why.

“Mat, what are you doing here,” I ask seeing her older brother lying down on my bed reading a book. “Geez about time you got back. I was so bored I started reading your stupid little book,” he says in a teasing tone. I snatched the book from his hands and put it on my desk. “Let’s try this again. “What are you doing here Mathew Barzal,” I ask with an attitude. I loved the whole Barzal family, they have become like a family to me over the years. Our parents were friends and then they had Liana and I at the same time. But Mat was a whole different story.

Ever since I could remember he would tease me. Little things never anything terrible or purposefully malicious. He would pull my hair out of the ponytail, always call me stupid nicknames, and my personal favorite pretend he didn’t know who I was almost all of high school. I had always hoped it was the classic, oh he likes you because he teases you kind of thing. Those dreams were shattered when I was around and his friends asked who I was, and he just replied just some girl my sister is friends with no one important. It was not like I had known him my whole life or anything.

“Oh, you used my full name. I’m so scared,” he laughed sitting up and staring down at me. My bed was raised so I could reach to slap the back of his head so I smacked his calf. He laughed at me and I just kept hitting him. Not hard enough for it to hurt, but it did feel good to let out some of my frustration. I had been so stressed with finals, maintaining my grades, and stupid boy problems.

“What the hell are you doing,” my roommate Maddie asks walking in with her girlfriend right behind her. “Aw Y/n, good for you. I’m glad you moved on from that loser. Also, this one is so much hotter,” Olivia says sitting down on the bed. My entire face burns red and I stop hitting Mat. “No no no. This is Mat,” I rush taking a few steps away from him. He quirks an eyebrow at me. “Oh shit my bad. I thought. You know what never mind what I thought. I’m just gonna sit here and look pretty,” she jokes with me. “You think he’s hot,” Maddie ask looking from Mat to Olivia. “I don’t know for a guy yeah. I mean I would never ever never. But I could see the appeal,” she shrugs explaining to her girlfriend.

“I don’t know. How you treat people is way more important than looks,” Maddie rolls her eyes continuing to pack her bag. The whole time I refused to make eye contact with him. “You know who I am,” he asks hopping down off the bed and leaning back against it. “You talk about me Y/n,” his voice comes off condescending. I huff and let out a groan and Olivia throws a pillow at me. I whack him in the face with it. He grabs my wrist and makes me freeze. Noticing the tension Maddie saves the day.

 “I know a lot about you Barzal. Your sister is amazing by the way,” Maddie smirks, knowing she is riling him up. “You think Y/n/n talks about you. Please, you have no idea how many people try to get info on you from her. She has never once indulged them,” Olivia says thinking she is being helpful. I cut her a look and she stops talking. He looks down at me and his face softens. “What is she talking about,” he asked me. “Well, we should get on the road. Long drive down to Tennessee. Love you Y/n,” Olivia says grabbing Maddie’s stuff and heading for the door.

Maddie comes and wraps me up in a hug. “Call me okay. I love you and have a great break,” she smiles. “I love you and you guys too. Also Mads you got this. Any parent should be thrilled for their daughter to bring you home,” I give her arm a comforting squeeze. She nods and walks towards the door. “Barzal, if I hear one word about you hurting my girl you better be ready,” she threatens and closes the door. The air was thick in tension as soon as it was just the two of us.

Mat turns and opens his mouth to say something but I cut him off before he can. “Okay well, she should probably get on the road too,” I say grabbing my duffle bag and throwing it over my shoulder, and grabbing the suitcase with my free arm. I feel myself being pulled back and the weight on my left arm is now gone. Mat now had my pink duffle bag over his shoulder. He sent me a small smile and headed towards the door. This is gonna be a long trip.

I slowly walked behind him following him to his car in the parking lot. I let out a laugh and tried to cover it with a cough. His head snapped back to me and he smiled. “Yeah yeah, laugh it up,” he says putting my stuff in the back with his. “No I’m not laughing at you or the car I swear,” I laugh and he cuts me a look. “It’s just you’ve been in the NHL how long? They have to be paying you enough for a luxury car,” I say getting in the passenger door as he shuts it behind me. “Not that I need to explain myself to you, but there is no point in all of that. I mean this is a great little car, trustworthy, and dependable,” he says leaning over and looking backward to reverse the car. I hated to admit it to myself but he looked way too good doing that.

“No, you don’t have to explain anything to me. I just figured you would be all flashy and get a car to impress some girl,” I shrug looking outside my window and not at him. “Maybe the Mat you used to know would have done that. But I’m not that guy anymore,” he says glancing over at me. His stare makes me feel like the same little girl who had a monster crush on her best friend’s older brother. “Maybe,” I ask in a teasing tone getting a laugh out of him, like a real genuine smile. Happy with how the conversation was going and in fear of messing it up, I reached over and flipped through the stations trying to find a station.

“Here, just play something on here. The static is driving me crazy,” Mat says handing his phone over to me. I held it like it was a bomb, scared if I moved it would go off. “What,” he laughs eyes straight ahead. “I don’t know. It’s just no guy has ever just openly handed me his phone to go through,” I say opening his phone, he didn’t even have a password on it. His background makes me stop. It was a picture of Liana, him, my little sister, and me from one summer when we were kids on my dad’s boat. “Well you have been around the wrong guys,” he says snapping me out of my trance.

I didn’t even know that picture existed, let alone why Mat had it as his home screen. “Yeah well, you could say that again,” I laugh dryly and scroll through his playlist trying to find one. “Oh my gosh. You do not still have this,” I say shocked pulling up a playlist I made him one summer when he said I had terrible music taste and wanted to prove him wrong. I click play and the catchy beat of some random boyband I was obsessed with fills the car. He smiles and starts singing along with the song. “What? Don’t go feeling all special or whatever, it just has some good songs on it,” he says trying not to smile.

The next two hours are filled with us screaming the lyrics of the playlist and dancing around in the car. I had actually never had this much fun with Mat ever. He always treated me like his sister’s annoying friend. Right now it felt like he was treating me like a friend. The snow started to pick up more and more. We had turned down the music to almost nothing and I was helping him watch the road. “I saw a sign for a motel like half a mile back. I know it isn’t ideal but I can’t risk having you on the road in this weather,” he says slowing down even more and turning into the motel.

“Risk having me on the road? What about you,” I ask as he puts the car in park. “Liana and my parents would have my ass if anything happened to you,” he said looking over at me. I deflated a little bit, cursing myself for actually thinking maybe it was because he cared about me. I just nod my head and open the door grabbing my bags and heading for the door. “Hey wait slow down. What just happened back there,” he asks rushing forward and opening the door for me.

The lobby was filled with the same chill as outside. I shook off some of the snow that had gathered up on my clothes and hair. “I have no idea what you are talking about Barzal,” I say walking further inside towards the front desk. “Y/n you just completely shut down on me,” he says grabbing my forearm and pulling me back. I roll my eyes and look up at him. “I have no idea what you are talking about Mat. Look I’m tired and cold I just want to take a hot shower and sleep okay?” 

I hear someone clear their throat and we both look towards the guy behind the desk. He has an annoyed expression on his face. I pull my arm away from Mat and walk towards the desk. “How can I help you tonight sweetheart,” his voice sends chills down my spine. He looked me up and down like he was a wild animal stalking his prey. “Uhm.. a room please,” I stutter out completely creeped out by this guy. My eyes shift over to Mat and then back to the guy. “Okay, so two rooms. That will be,” the guy is cut off by Mat. “One room actually,” Mat wore a smug look on his face. His arm slipped around me, and this time I leaned in and didn’t brush him off.

“Yeah sure okay,” he grumbles out typing away. Mat gave my side a squeeze and his thumb rubbed back and forth under my jacket. I tried to ignore the feelings that came with being this close to him. He was just trying to help like a big brother would. He didn’t see me as anything else. “Right this way,” he said and we followed him down a long hallway and to the last room in the hall. He opens the door and we both can see the room only has one bed in it. I try to control my face, but it must have slipped because the guy smirks down at me. “One bed alright with the happy couple,” he said emphasizing the word couple. 

“Perfect with us. Right baby,” Mat leans down and looks at me. I nod my head, not trusting my voice in that moment. Fear overwhelmed my system, I just couldn’t tell if it was from the looks the clerk was giving me or the fact I had to share a bed with Mat tonight. “Well, I’ll leave you both to it. Come find me if you need anything okay,” he says directly at me slipping a wink in before walking away. Mat all picked me up and carried me into the room away from that guy. 

He slams the door closed and I jump at the sudden loud noise. He turns around and looks at me. I have never been able to read Mat well, he always held his emotions close to himself. But in this moment I was grateful I couldn’t. He was seething with anger. He paced around the room rambling about how no man had any right to talk to a woman like that. I sat on the bed and watched him continue to walk around. “Mat, please. You are making me dizzy,” I groan falling back onto the bed with my legs still hanging off. I hear a deep sigh and feel the bed dip down next to me. “You okay,” I ask looking into his eyes.

“That doesn’t matter right now. Are you okay,” he asked voice soft. I nod feeling very vulnerable under his gaze. I open my mouth to ask him more about what the hell just happened but my phone ringing cut me off. “Y/n, finally you answer me. I got an alert that you and Mat both stopped and neither one of you picked up. I was scared to death something happened to you both,” Liana rushes out. “Li slow down okay. I am perfectly fine okay. The roads just got really bad and Mat pulled over and we found a motel to stay at. We are gonna get back on the road first thing in the morning,” I explain calmly trying to help ease her worry.

“Hey you know I wouldn’t ever let anything happen to her right,” Mat says to his sister looking straight at me. “Yeah, I know. Sorry, it’s just you guys are two of my favorite people, and if I lost you both,” her voice cracked and we heard a hushed voice comforting her. Mat raised his eyebrows and I smiled. “You can’t get rid of us that easy. We are gonna be annoying you for the foreseeable future,” I laugh telling her and trying to get off the phone before Mat realized who she was talking to. “Okay I love you guys,” she says before hanging up. 

“Who was that,” he asked looking back to me. I laugh and shake my head jumping up. He quickly followed suit and stood after I did. “I am gonna go get that shower,” I say walking backward towards the bathroom. “Y/n tell me who she was talking to,” he says walking closer to me. I keep backing up until my back hits a wall. Mat is right in front of me looking down at me. “A friend,” I say in a hushed tone due to our closeness. “Uh-huh. A friend. Who is this friend,” he asks maintaining our current distance. “Maybe a friend who wants to be more than a friend,” I shrug and laugh at the face he makes. “Oh my god. She is a little rat,” he said backing up some. 

“Why is she a little rat,” I ask finally getting to take a full breath. “She totally used me asking to bring you home as a way to hang out with a boy,” he says looking back to me, and then his eyes get big. “What did you just say,” I ask stepping closer to him. “I have no idea what you are talking about,” he says trying to keep distance between us and trips over my bag falling down. “I’m okay,” he says looking up at me and then laughing. “Are you sure,” I ask laughing back at him. “Positive. Now go get a shower, you kind of stink,” he jokes and I kick his shin lightly.

When I was in the shower my mind drifted back to the car ride here. It was so different than any other time I had spent with him. Maybe he was right, he wasn’t the same Mat I knew growing up. I was more confused now than I was before. I shake off all of the feelings coming back from my teenage years and get out of the shower. I go to change into some clothes and realize I didn’t grab a shirt. “Hey, Mat. Can you pass me a shirt? I forgot to grab one,” I yell hoping he can hear me over the sound of the TV he had going. I hear a muffled sound and then a quick knock on the door. I open it and come face to face with him. 

His eyes drifted down and back up very quickly, he was hoping I hadn’t noticed. It was just the same as him seeing me in a swimsuit in the summer, which he had seen several times. Something different was floating around his mind, but I just couldn’t tell what. He cleared his throat and handed me the shirt. “Thanks,” I say softly and step back into the bathroom slipping the shirt over my head. I noticed how much bigger it was than normal and finally looked at myself in the mirror. He had given me one of his Islanders training shirts. I try not to think too much about it, but the small part of me who still believes in fairytale endings drifts.

I walk out turning the lights off in the bathroom and turning to face him. His shirt was so long it covered the shorts I had on. He looked up at me and his jaw tightened slightly. The air was weird between us again like it was earlier. “What are you watching,” I ask looking over at him when he doesn’t answer me. I call his name again and he looks over at me. “Oh uhm I don’t know some random comedy I found,” he says sitting up straighter in the bed. I nod my head at him and walk around the side of the bed opposite him. I pull back the blankets and carefully slip into the bed being very cautious of our personal space.

“Are you cold,” he asks looking over only being able to see me when the TV flashed a bright color. “No, I’m good I promise,” I say back lying to him. “Y/n/n, I can feel you shivering over there,” he says looking over at me. I feel his hand touch mine under the covers and he winces. “Your hands are freezing,” he says. He scoots closer and pulls me towards him. “Mat, I’m fine really,” I try and push him off. He ignores me and pulls me into his chest. I immediately feel warmer, either from his body heat or my face flushing. 

We both stay still as a board, both afraid of moving too much and scaring the other. I could feel his breath and hear his heartbeat. That was the only thing comforting me because he was as fast as mine. “Hey can I ask you a question,” he asks running his hand up and down my arm. “Yeah, you can ask me anything,” I say looking up at him. “Earlier when your roommate and her girlfriend were talking they said you never talk about me even when people ask. Does that happen a lot? People asking you about me,” he asks his hand stopping and resting on my upper arm. “Yeah, I guess it does. I mean people know me from Li’s Instagram and figure I am close with you or whatever. So girls try to be friends with me to get closer to you. Or guys only ask me out thinking I will introduce them to you,” I say scared of how he will act.

“I am really sorry that happened to you Y/n,” he says looking down at me. I look up at him and smile. “It’s okay Mat. Not anything I’m not used to,” I replied. “Has this always happened,” his question made me sigh. I just nod against his chest. “How long,” his voice breaks. “I don’t know, freshman year. It wasn’t because you were mister hot-shot hockey back then. It was because you were this hot older guy every girl our age was crazy about. So that’s why Li and I have always been really selective of our friends,” I answer back. We stay quiet for a minute and then I feel his chest vibrate some. “What,” I ask looking up at him and seeing a smile on his face. “Every girl your age thought I was hot, eh,” he asks in a teasing tone, but not the same one from childhood.

“Wow out of all of that, you wanna know if I thought you were hot,” I roll my eyes and push away from him. His grip tightens on me and I laugh with him. “Why does it matter what I thought of you way back then,” I ask. “I don’t know,” he shrugs. “Can I ask you a question now,” I counter and he nods. “What did I do to you growing up,” his eyebrows furrow at my question. “I mean it was like you had it out for me. Anything I did, you had a teasing comeback for it. And then in high school you just ignored me. So I’m asking you if I did something,” I ask waiting for a response. 

“You didn’t do anything, I swear. Well not intentionally anyway. You couldn’t help me having feelings for you. I don’t know as kids I thought of you just like Li and your sister. And then one day you weren’t the same anymore. I noticed how my feelings were changing with you. And I was stupid and young and had no clue what I was doing so I was just mean.” I stayed quiet just listening to him. “Then high school came around and some of the jerks I called friends started asking questions about you. Like who you were and some other stuff I’m not gonna repeat. So I just thought if you weren’t an active part of my life maybe guys like that would leave you alone. You were way too good for them,” he finished and stared ahead. “Mat, will you please look at me,” I ask, his eyes drifting across my face and landing on my eyes. He nods and I look at him,” Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

“Like I said, I was a young stupid kid. I was scared of you. You were my sister’s best friend, our parents are super close, and I just knew that I would screw something up. And it wouldn’t just be us it would be us I messed up, but everyone else would suffer,” he said. “Well are you still,” I ask, taking a leap of faith. “Still what,” his voice is filled with confusion. “Are you still young and stupid,” I whisper back to him. “Up until yesterday. Yeah, I was,” he replied. “What changed today,” I question leaning in closer to him. “I finally quit trying too hard around you. I was just Mat with you today. And it felt really nice,” he smiled leaning down our lips almost touching. “Tell me to stop and I will. We can pretend this never happened and go back to whatever we were. Even though that might actually kill me, I’ll do it if that’s what you want,” he says his breath fanning my face.

I close the distance between us by grabbing his cheeks with my hands pulling him closer. It didn’t even take him a second to fall into rhythm with me. All those years of secretly pining and hidden feelings were finally being released. I kissed him until I physically couldn’t anymore needing to breathe. “Holy shit,” I say resting our foreheads together.” If I had known that was what I was missing I would have said something sooner,” he laughed making me smile. “Well, we have about ten years to catch up on,” I smile at him reconnecting our lips.

The next morning I woke up all tangled up in Mat’s embrace. I nuzzled into his chest harder, waking him in the process. “Please tell me last night wasn’t some dream,” he says not opening his eyes yet. “No, you dork. It wasn’t a dream,” I laugh kissing the space between his shoulder and neck. “I don’t really wanna leave the motel, is that bad,” he asks running his hand in my hair. “No, it isn’t that bad,” I smile. “Good because I’m pretty sure Li may just kick my ass,” he laughs. “Am I worth it,” I ask looking up at him. “Worth every second of ass-kicking,” he says kissing my nose. I kiss his lips again and my phone ringing interrupted us. “Oh god, it’s her, isn’t it? She is already cockblocking me and she doesn’t even know yet,” he groans throwing his head back.

“Are you both still alive,” she jokes. “Yes we are both still alive,” Mat groans into the phone before moving us to where he could rest his face on my neck. My hands go to his hair and start running my fingers through it. “Well, I’m sorry for asking. Geez Y/n maybe you should have given him some and he wouldn’t be acting like an ass this morning,” she laughs and stops when she realizes neither one of us answers. “Oh my god. You did not,” she screams.