#bonusparent

[theswollenclit]

I recently became a step mom. Boy it is hard.

Let me explain myself. I never wanted children to begin with. I went through my early twenties believing I am destined to be alone and childless. Everything I am passionate about is inappropriate, I am always making untimely statements, analogies, and facts, and I'm generally just a weird and awkward person. I never could have imagined I would fall in love with an amazing man who had 3 gorgeous children. They are 7, 8, and 14.

Suddenly, I'm finding myself in this unique position where I am no longer by myself. Its not my house, my things, my routine, my freedom. All of that is now with the consideration of the other; either my partner or the children. It is not just me anymore. Its me, my partner, plus 3. An almost overnight change that no one can prepare anyone for.

Don't get me wrong. I love the children. I love taking care of them. I love learning their personalities and preferences. I love helping them decorate their rooms, teaching them life skills, helping with homework, and making important memories with them.

I am not going to lie - it feels overwhelming even with the positives.

Gaining the children's trust is a continuous struggle (bio mom does not like me). Learning the boundaries as a step mom is sometimes heartbreaking (lots of me crying in closets). Getting credit for all my new found emotional labor is like pulling teeth (a thankless job).

Not only do I feel like I was thrown in the deep end with nothing to stay afloat on but there is always the added weights that come with being a step mom. The children not accepting me as a step parent or authority figure. The partner not understanding being a step parent is especially hard and consistently reminds me that I need to do more and I'm not doing enough for him and the newly formed family. My commitment and dedication is always in question. I'm not only thrown in the deep end, I'm also trying to navigate through these rocks while staying afloat long enough to catch a breath.

I'm drowning.

[mimithekittycat]

Our kiddo is two ❤️

[edgemovementarts]

Being a bonus parent is a whole another world folks. You love unconditionally because you choose to, not because you have to and despite having no power at times to do anything other than hold space for your bonus kiddos and your partner(s) when they are struggling and their lives are being flipped upside down. It forces you to be the witness of all the joy and heartache in your family's lives. Sometimes those moments involve you and sometimes they have nothing to do with you. You are always on the precipice of two worlds. It's a lot like being a intuitive actually. Living and experiencing two worlds that coexist. Seeing things that others can't see, noticing the patterns, having to step back and look at the bigger picture. #bonusmom #bonusparent #bonusdad #stepparent #stepmom #stepdad #twoworlds #bethewitness #chooselove #family #psychicsensitive #empath #intuitive #clairvoyant #psychic #energyhealer #energyhealing #Intuitiveinaction #intuitivereading #youarearockstar (at Portland, Oregon) https://www.instagram.com/p/B4GcohQDnRn/?igshid=18lg707zk1vl0

[divastyler-blog]

He's having surgery #3 today. Please continue to pray for our son. He's strong but he's worrying both his moms talking about getting back on his motorcycle 🏍. Pray his speedy recovery and for our nerves. All 4 of us #BonusParents and #ParentsWorkingTogether https://www.instagram.com/p/CFkJWAclU6q/?igshid=1w64m1fgduwq5

[marisadonnelly]

𝘤𝘭𝘢𝘪𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘵𝘺 — I am a woman, daughter, sister, writer, business owner, bonus mama, and woman of faith. These are just a few of my 'identities.' These are the skins I wear and have grown into. These are the stories that I continue to write.⠀ ⠀ Some of these identities I was born wearing. Some of these identities I created, or fell into, or built piece by piece. We each have our unique ways of understanding who we are and how our hearts beat. We each have our paths and places where we've come to fit.⠀ ⠀ And I just want to encourage you that your story might not look like anyone else's — and that's okay.⠀ ⠀ One of the biggest life changes I've undergone in the past few years is becoming a mom. Unlike the 'stereotypical' motherhood journey, I became a mom by choice — by choosing a man and his son to call my family.⠀ ⠀ This journey was one I faced alone, largely in part because people around me didn't quite understand or necessarily support me. It was isolating. It was difficult. And it was something only I could make sense of. I had to find a balance between who I was and the mother I wanted to be, between my personal goals and the values that were now intertwined with the people I called 'family,' and between my business and my hopes for my future as a parent. I also had to learn my own boundaries, my own acceptance, and my own sense of self as everything I used to be had suddenly changed.⠀ ⠀ This process — like any change, really — takes time. And sometimes it hurts. And I share this, not only for the other #bonusparents and #stepparents like me, but for anyone else who is struggling with who they are and where they fit. Sometimes there's no 'easy' way to find yourself.⠀ ⠀ Sometimes you simply have to struggle + follow your heart until it feels right. ⠀ ⠀ [For more of my #momish journey, follow @momishmoments ❤️]⠀ ⠀ #findingyourplace⠀ #marisadonnelly⠀ #fromtheheart⠀ 📷: @denisekophoto https://www.instagram.com/p/CAvVh2CFetv/?igshid=jd2ed01qk4u5

[sweetpeds-blog]

We have been there as parents, husbands, wives, bonus parents, students, sons, daughters, brothers, sisters and friends, etc. where we have asked ourself, “what is the point?” I will be posting this blog on Mother’s Day, but not at all to minimize or solely focus on when a mom feels defeated. This is for everyone who has ever felt defeated and questioned theirselves and wanted to give up.

[gatesgallerie-blog]

#bonusparents sent me the most #beautiful #flowers at #work #outofnowhere and I’m #feelingthelove #sograteful #loveandkindness #backhome

[jennboveecoach]

I remember when I was first introduced to my bonus son (we don’t use the term step). He activated every insecurity I had inside of me. He also shed light on the trauma’s I experienced and the bullshit beliefs about men that I held!! Through the course of him being in Basic Training, we have grown so much closer! I could never have even considered that a simple commitment of writing every day, could make such a difference. What could change in your life if you applied a little bit of effort? #iamworthy #bonusparent #nostepparentshere #drivenwomen #mindsetmatters #airforcemom https://ift.tt/2PeRY3O

[speakin-4-myself]

#CoParenting done right! Grown folks issues should always be put to the side for the sake of the child/ren. A child never have too many people to love them. #ClassyCoParenting #GrownMenStatus #AnthonyChoice #HeresMyThing #StepParentingLife #StepParents #StepDad #BonusDad #BonusParent

[marisadonnelly]

Some candid #bonusparenting advice you need to hear right now:⠀ ⠀ 1. You’re going to make mistakes. ⠀ ⠀ That’s a part of the process. You’re going to say the wrong things, show up late, send an email you wish you could ‘un-send’ and bite your tongue reading through text messages you wish you could delete. But it’s okay.⠀ ⠀ Stop counting your failures and start focusing on the blessings. Despite the mistakes, you’re doing better than you think.⠀ ⠀ 2. It’s not a competition.⠀ ⠀ 3. You have to stop measuring yourself to journeys that you aren’t walking.⠀ ⠀ We want to compare ourselves to other people. We want to judge our parenting on a scale of others we admire. We spend so much time looking ourselves in the mirror, trying so desperately to wish something else onto our skin—but it’s useless.⠀ ⠀ Because who we are isn’t meant to be a carbon copy of someone else. We aren’t meant to step into the lives, the families as a mirror image of someone else. We’re meant to be us.⠀ ⠀ So here’s some candid bonus parenting advice: stop comparing, stop stressing, stop measuring, and stop wishing you could do or be something different. Simply show up and be you. #momishmoments https://www.instagram.com/p/B5JP35RFCyc/?igshid=ak37il3jd2i3

[jennboveecoach]

Courtney is probably the first female person I have met who truly taught me about radical inclusivity! She loves with her whole heart and I am deeply honored to be her bonus mom! #bonusparents #shamefreeliving #iamworthy #radicalbodylove #raducalacceptance https://ift.tt/2kt9OTK

[jennboveecoach]

This is my youngest bonus child!! I can't believe he has graduated high school and moved out on his own. I love him fiercely! #bonusmom #bonuskids #bonusparent #highschoolgraduation #movingday #movingout #emptynest #lifecoach #hypnotherapy #shamebuster #intuitivehealer #shameresilience http://ift.tt/2qxFdtX

[jennboveecoach]

My youngest child is moving out today! #shame #bonusmom #bonuskids #bonusparent #lifecoach #hypnotherapy #shamebuster #intuitivehealer #shameresilience http://ift.tt/2qr9HcI