#bonus points if we make everyone pals

[foundfamily-connoisseur]

Hi Punch Out Fandom

Close ups cuz slay

I’m committing to the Little in ‘Little Mac’ cuz 5’7 isn’t even that short

[lunarheslwt]

28th appreciation fic recs: February edition

Hi! Welcome to the February fic rec list! I wanted to put together all the fics I've read and loved over this month for the 28th appreciation, so here they are! Click on the links for full tags and summaries. If you read any of these make sure to show the authors some love by leaving kudos and comments, and sharing any fic posts!

☁️To you I can admit, I'm just too soft for all of it by @starryhaze28

(28k / not rated / non traditional a/b/o)

“Harry?” Louis asks when he hears the frantic crying coming through the speaker. “H, darling what's wrong?” Concerned, Louis puts on his shoes as he keeps hearing the sobs. It’s the middle of the night and the phone call has definitely pulled Louis out of his deep slumber, but Harry is crying, and Louis has to be with him. “It’ll be okay, baby, I'm gonna come over, okay? You just- Haz you have to send me your address, yeah? Can you do that for me?” Louis asks, trying to remain as poised as possible as he presses his phone between his ear and shoulder so he can grab his jacket. “No.” Harry cries out. “It's all wrong, Lou- It’s-” Another sob. “I hate it, Lou, I hate it so, so much, make it stop.” the nesting shop au

Thoughts: the softest dearest thing you'll read, characters I would die for, a true comfort read

☁️While you're figuring it out by @silverstuff50

(4k / E / wholesome bdsm)

Harry is in a rut and his mood is getting lower and lower. Louis helps him with love and kink.

Thoughts: if you love kink, and if you love the softness and emotions that come with established relationships, then this is for you, its the perfect combination!

☁️On that note by @allwaswell16

(6k / E / pen pals, getting together)

Louis’ office job on an omega only floor would be absolutely fine, if not for the alphas he and his friends have to deal with in the building. But although they’ve never met face to face, the friendly notes sent between him and Harry in Purchasing help him get through the day.

Thoughts: this was so cute, and Louis' character esp is so endearing, and the way they get together is so precious !

☁️(drippin' on me) till my feet are wet by @justanothershadeofblue

(3k / E / watersports)

They’ve known each other so long, is the thing. More than a decade, at this point; their entire adult lives. They know each other with a deep and abiding familiarity, know each other's ins and outs, hopes and fears, secrets and kinks. There’s nothing hidden between them, and little that escapes each other’s notice. All of which is to say, Louis knows exactly what Harry’s up to, making this huge pitcher of lemonade and waiting until the lads were out the door to bring it outside and press a cold glass into Louis’ hand. He’d poured the liquid carefully, sunglasses concealing his gaze as he filled it to the top. “Drink up,” Harry had said, and Louis had, tipping the contents down his throat in one long pull, letting a few drops slip free and run down, chilled and sweet, into his short beard. He’d caught Harry’s eye and held out his glass for more. “Good,” Harry had said, voice deep, and filled it again.

Thoughts: so. fucking. hot. And bonus: the tenderness that comes with established relationship. Best of both worlds really, so it's perfection.

☁️We don't fight fair by @hellolovers13

(2k / E / chase, non traditional a/b/o)

“What, you think I'll just roll over for you now?” The smirk on Louis’ face was almost devilish. “Yes,” He breathed against Harry’s lips, cocky and sure, like it was a fact of life. It sent all kinds of shivers through Harry. God, but he wanted to. Wanted Louis to have him right against this wall, let everyone see how he fell apart under him. But not tonight. Harry fixed his posture, standing up straighter and trying to get himself under control. “I don't think so, omega.” Or: Nothing like a little chase to start off Louis' heat.

Thoughts: *muffled screaming*. Genuinely was so hot I was speechless for a good while. If that's not convincing: there's a chase. And it's O/O. I'm begging y'all to go read this.

☁️Man spreading by @red-pandaaa

(2k / E / pwp)

“Manspreading is such a bad habit,” Harry said, mainly because he felt like he was obligated to. “Is that so?” Louis said, in a tone that challenged Harry to disagree. Harry nodded as firmly as he could. “I think you should try to tone down the manspreading a bit.” “Maybe I should spread out my man instead,” Louis mused. OR Harry complains about Louis manspreading, Louis makes a joke, and rimming ensues

Thoughts: short and sexy, i loved it sm, this ones for the uh...rimming enthusiasts!

☁️Trippin', Stumblin' by @itsnotreal

(4k / M / friends to lovers fluff)

Harry was falling for Louis. No, really. He was literally falling for Louis— well, okay, maybe it was because of him. Technicalities. Or the one where Harry is super clumsy but still manages to catch Louis’ attention.

Thoughts: nervous awkward harry is so precious to me, this was so fucking cute and PRECIOUS

☁️You can try to hide by @itsnotreal

(6k / E / cnc, hunter prey kink)

Harry has managed to keep his innermost thoughts at bay when he’s around Louis, but what happens when he shows up unannounced one night when Harry’s at his most vulnerable.

Thoughts: read tags! cnc done WELL, so gripping so thrilling, so hot. The mind reading is SUCH a nice touch ahhhh

☁️Shut your mouth, baby by @larry-hiatus

(3k / E / new years smut)

While fooling around in a closet at a New Year’s Eve party, Louis can’t seem to keep quiet. All he needs to do is hold off until midnight, when Harry will finally uncover his mouth and let him come at full volume.

Thoughts: Em never misses with the smut so this is another banger, bonus: desperate overwhelmed Louis. So. 10/10 in my mind.

And that's it! Yet another short list bc I've been so tired and falling asleep before I could read sigh. Also yes literally almost all are smut but in my defence it's because I didn't get time to read long fics and short ones are usually smut. But then again we love and support smut in this house so you're welcome. Send some love to the authors if you check out any of these!!

[hyunin]

hiiii everyone, this blog hit 1k followers the other day 🥹 tysm to anyone that has followed me here over the years! i'm sure at least a third of my followers are dead blogs from my suju (🤮) era in 2013 before i returned to gifmaking tumblr in 2020, but so many of you joined me once i returned and i'm so thankful for everyone that has reblogged my content and chatted with me and followed me up until this point! 🫶 i wanted to write some fun lil messages for my mutuals and pals below the cut, as well as shout out some people i don't necessarily speak to but like having on my dash also 💗 if u aren't mentioned on here and we're mutuals that doesn't mean i dislike u it just means i'm stupid and missed you 😭 before i get into the messages i also want to ask anyone who can to consider commissioning me for a gifset or writing by donating at least €10 to this fundraiser and sending me a screenshot of your donation! more info on that via this post. thank u so much again everyone!!! 🥳 (edit: i don't think half the mentions in this post are working so please check to see if you were mentioned even if you weren't notified!)

@redvelvetcult hi ele 🫶 i know we don't speak as often anymore but i'm always so happy to see u around and i love you <3 thank u for running yangjeongin with me even if it has been in spirit for 99% of its run LKJSDLFKJSJLKFD still wouldn't be the same without u @bataranqs hi kid! this is going to sound so lame but it's been rly fun watching u grow up over the years through awoo9, every time u use our weird ass humor it's so much funnier coming from u. thank u for hyping up everything we all do, especially my writing!! i really appreciate it and u @anyujins iwin...whew....LLKSJDKLFJLSKF i'm rly happy that we're a lot closer now than when we were last time i made one of these posts. i think we are anyway?? i forgor...but either way ilysm, thank u for your support when i've been going insane over the years and it would appear both of the stories of our love lives that we've been following for so long will have a tragic ending. LJKSDFJLKSLK but i hope we can be friends for many more moments of insanity to come and that we have more good news than bad news to share w each other soon. in the meantime it's always rly fun to talk to u and i am glad i have u in my life @miyawaki ver. i appreciate u v much if only bc u are a major provider of quality shitposts on my dash, u also being into kpop and giffing is a bonus. u are also so funny even if u are also MEAN!!!! it's funny most of the time. and u have also supported me a lot in ur own ver way over the years, and i can always count on u to give me feedback on giffing and such. i'm so happy for u that u are going to uni again and i hope u have so much fun but also don't forget about us 🔫 🫶 @seulggi gfx queen minya! u deserve a shoutout if ONLY bc u are carrying the gfx side of kpop tumblr on ur back fr. and i love seeing what u make on my dash. but u are also an awoo9er so i will give u a long AWOOOOOOOOO of appreciation ❣️ @meongppangz RI omg idk what account is best to tag u on so i tag u here. i rmr the last one of these i made i was like 'hope to talk more under better circumstances' and now we talk nearly every day LJSDFLKSDF i love that for us. thank u crazy person gc for bringing us together fr....love that we can bond over loving ggs and also hating collecting pcs and any other random shit of the day skz is doing. and giffing ofc. talking to u always makes me happy so i hope we continue talking and being friends for a long time to come 🫶 ily. also i'm going through my follow list for this in order of oldest blogs first and i just discovered y'all were one of the first skz blogs i followed. how cute @curiosityjams hi drea, we haven't spoken ages but i wanted to shout u out individually as well because i still enjoy seeing u on my dash and i still consider us friends 🫶 fellow eunbi stan...i will never forget waiting for the 2020 election results w you LMAO abt to do it all again soon...but i hope you're well and hope good things continue coming to u 🙇‍♀️ @hyunjinz agnes, backbone of stayblr that u are, i love u!! i know we don't Personally speak much at all i still feel like u are a dear friend of mine. you were one of the first ppl to support my skz content and i think you're that for a lot of people on stayblr and i think that is so sweet of u and also important for the community. u are so brave for going through the tags all the time and reblogging everything i do not have that kind of energy but i'm so glad u do!! i miss ur gifs but i'm happy that you're still around even when you don't gif. we're some of the last remaining pre-kingdom era skz ccs left 😱 so i will always appreciate ur company here <3 @innielove hi vi, i just want to say i love that u are giffing skz again. i've probably missed a lot of ur sets bc i'm bad at checking tags and dash but when i DO see them i'm like omg vi's gifs r really looking better than ever. thank u for returning to us 🫶 u have also actually been on stayblr for a long time so i'm always happy to see some of the oldies (can u believe we are oldies now...) back on the dash 😌

@kazuhas MS KALE it always makes me happy to see u on my dash here. ur gifs are so lovely and so are u!! i know we mainly know each other from off cc tumblr 🫣 but i wanted to give u a shoutout among all of my other tumblr beloveds bc ily. it's what u deserve @seo-changbinnies marie...another fellow stayblr hag at this point...u are still one of the funniest people on this site i swear. and i'm so glad u are still here and making gifs and blessing us w your funny tags. i hope u always stay just as insane, i love u for that <3 @seungs HI MIAAA we don't talk that much anymore but i wanted u to know that i still always love seeing u and your gifs on my dash 🫶 @felixies luna, legend of stayblr that u are 🙇‍♀️ i think ur work largely goes unappreciated by the fandom but u are an icon for keeping createskz running for all these years despite everything going on in ur life. tysm for your service 🫡 @huiracha marie huiracha...this is how i refer to u in my head btw. like 'huiracha' is ur last name. LKJSDFKLSKLD we have barely spoken but i want to give u your own shoutout just for surviving and continuing to gif on stayblr as long as u have. veterans' discount fr @hyunsung hi mona 🫶 we haven't spoken in a while either omg but i am still always excited to see u on my dash when u gif something or reblog something from me i'm like omg that's my friend mona :D SDKJFSJKLDF so thank u and i hope you're doing well 🙏 @hyunpic VILMA HYUNPIC...u know i am so glad we are better pals now. u are so funny and fun to talk to but also the sweetest ever!! thank u for always listening to me and being kind to me and also making me laugh. every time i feel like an rper named their hyunjin character something dumb i am glad i get to report it to u. some things only u will understand and appreciate. LKJSDKLJFSKLJFKLFD @sungtaro eri <3 we don't talk much anymore and maybe we NEVER HAVE??? but i have always felt like u are a dear friend and beloved mutual. i love seeing u on dash even if we don't have too many groups in common anymore. ur content is always lovely and so are u so we will always be pals as far as i am concerned 🫶 @exocean hi mo!! i must admit i don't have much to say but i wanted to mention you individually because you are so sweet and i love seeing u around and u deserve to know it <3 @hyumjim i don't even know what to say (positive) u know i am so glad ur squirmy wormy tag on one of my hyunjin sets brought us together. idr if we have ever properly spoken like via dm but bc u follow me on all my accounts i feel Seen by u....nd u haven't unfollowed me yet so god bless u. i always enjoy seeing ur thoughts and the posts u put on my dash whether they be a funny text post or someone's hot take getting dismantled or something Thought Provoking. my dash is definitely a better place because of u so thank uu 🫶

@wolfchans lau the Actual backbone of stayblr tysm for ur service fr. without u providing files for us i genuinely believe most of stayblr would be lost. not only do u do that but u are also genuinely very kind and make great content so i appreciate u so much!! thank u for making stayblr (and my dash) a better place @hyunebear hi adri i gotta admit i didn't even realize u were back on tumblr until i was going through my following and saw that u posted recently akljsdflkjdsf goes to show how much i'm on my dash...but i wanted to mention you individually even though it's been so long because you have genuinely touched my heart a lot and i will never forget ur compliments 🙏 ok maybe i did forget some of them word for word. but i will never forget how sweet u were to me. how about that. so thank you and i hope to see u around more!! i probably have to be on my dash more for that tho huh... @romanceuntold hi jen 🫶 i miss u on stayblr i'm ngl but i'm also still glad to see u on my dash through all your phases. you are such a warm and kind person and another person who i will never forget being so sweet to me. thank you and i hope you're doing well ❣️ @wearehappiness sidrah <3 the fact that we were both on stayblr but met properly on pc ig first is still so silly to me. me intending to wait on ur mail to get to me then being like 'stayblr perk i'll send ur mail rn' after i found out u were here LKJSDLKFLJKSF but you are suuuuch a sweet person who makes lovely gifs too. i miss ur gifs also!! and just you in general. wishing u the best in life always 💗 @mybodyfails hi oli 🫶 another person who has been soooo sweet to me, i'm so glad i got to help w leeknoween and i still have all the freebies u sent me from it preserved safely in my freebie photocard binder 😌 you are always lovely to talk to whenever we do, and thank u for reading my fic too despite zombies not being ur thing i appreciate u!! @strayklds / @facethesuns em i just think it's so funny that we like didn't speak before i invited u to the gif streaming server and i just did that on a whim bc u passed the vibe check and now i feel like we are good friends. despite still rarely speaking KSLDFLSDLKF but i love that for us and love ur gifs and seeing u around always 💞 @neohyune hi fae <3 i know us speaking is like a very recent development but i also wanted to mention u individually to thank u for your help 🙏 i need to write more of my fic tbh...but i Will be checking our conversation again for Notes. you also seem like a very sweet person so i would love to talk to u more in the future also 💕 @linoyes another very recent friendship (yes i am calling it that already) in my life, but thank u for your generosity, let's meet that fundraising goal together 💪 i hope we're also able to talk more outside of this context too. i just have a feeling i will have a lot more to say about u once i make another one of these!!

i'm ngl i don't know how many of you actually follow me here and i don't have time to check everyone's username individually so i'm just going to list a bunch of blogs i follow who may or may not follow me JKLSDFLKSDF but y'all make my dash a better place, thank u for all u do! 🫶 feel free to talk to me anytime too

@dazzlingkai @theseulgis @joytual @anyujin @cchuu @cherry-heartss @boynextdoors @hyunchans @ambivartence @minzbins @everglowz @chogiwow @ttathinker @minhosblr @minho-knows @yang-innie @leegahyun @bu99erfly

[imminent-danger-came]

WAIT HOLD UP

When talking about Mei being like Monkey King. There was a really strong parallel in season 3!

It was kinda mentioned already? But I don‘t just mean thematically, in the execution too! The scene Wukong was willing to kill the host child and Mei was willing to burn him, because they felt they had no other choice.

(I think she even mentioned that this is what Monkey King would do. What a hero would do.)

They both even had that small confrontation of "Are you really willing to sacrifice a child/friend?". And both make the tough call that this is something they HAVE to do. Maybe with some guilt, yes, but always without question.

GOD YOU'RE SO RIGHT ANON.

Lady Bone Demon: "Stop! Have you forgotten? Destroy me and you destroy the host. Have you become so desperate to end me that you would sacrifice this blameless, innocent, child?"

Sun Wukong: "You're giving me no choice! All the time you spent locked away and you haven't changed a bit! I'm going to finish you, like I should have done a long time ago! I told you—you should have stayed buried."

(3x11 This Imperfect World) (Always manifesting this scene for eamk)

-

Lady Bone Demon: "*laughs* You think whatever happens to Wukong is of concern to me? He is a vessel—nothing more. You would really destroy your own friends to save yourself?"

Red Son Voice Over: "Harmonize the wild energies and emotions burning within us and focus them!"

Mei: "Wukong knew the risks, it's what he would do if he had to. That's the hard part of being a hero!"

(3x12 The Corrupted King) (Omg hi hand motif! Hi!!!!)

-

Bonus Secret 3rd Parallel:

MK: "I'm not gonna let you win!" Lady Bone Demon: "In your thirst to destroy me you used all your powers!" MK: "Not all of them."

(2x10 This is the End!)

-

Some extra thoughts under the cut!

What interests me the most about this parallel is the fact that Mei would totally sacrifice Wukong and Wukong would totally sacrifice that little girl—it's a simply trolley problem for them—but if that person were MK?

I don't think either of them could do it.

Here's where I get into more speculative territory, because personally I think Wukong killed Macaque, and I'm also a believer in EAMK, so I'm going to be plastering a lot of red string!

SO. Would Wukong willingly sacrifice someone who meant so much to him?

You could argue he already did so with Macaque—I think that's what they're setting up anyways. I think Macaque's death is going to fall into place with our continuing "do you sacrifice one person for the many" conflict we have going on here, one that was definitely built upon in 4x13:

Yellowtusk: "I know full well what would happen should Azure fail but- but he is my brother. I owe him my life!" Sandy: "We get it! I'd do anything to help my friends! But at the cost of the world?" Pigsy: "I'm sorry pal, but NOTHIN' is worth that price!"

(4x13 Rip and Tear)

-

So it seems clear: You sacrifice the one person for the sake of the world.

I think looking at this conflict and using it as a lens to look at Samadhi Fire Mei brings up some interesting points. If Wukong's had pulled off his plan without Macaque or Ne Zha's interference, and then hadn't been able to safely extract the Samadhi Fire from Mei...would Wukong have sacrificed her?

Everyone in 3x10 was willing to sacrifice Mei in a way, to leave her—except MK. MK refused to abandon her, risking himself and the world if he wasn't successful and the Samadhi Fire continued to burn out of control. But in this situation...choosing one person over the world was the right choice.

((Just wanted to point out that both Wukong and Mei are very willing to sacrifice each other which fascinates me. Moving on!))

Wukong himself isn't won't make that sacrifice if he feels there's another option: "You're giving me no choice!" (which I think echoes Mei's "We don't have a choice!" from 3x02)

All of this is a long winded way for me to say that at some point MK is going on the chopping block, either next season or beyond. It's going to be either him or the world, or at least it's going to seem that way, and our protags are going to have to make a very hard choice (omg hi "They will destroy you, harbinger of chaos!").

BUT, BRINGING THIS BACK AROUND TO EAMK.

Wukong won't destroy the one life if he feels he has a choice. This is where baby MK steps in: "all the time [he] spent locked away", and he changed EXTREMELY. To the point where he's basically not the thing that was sealed away in the stone, and very much just a "blameless, innocent, child"—meaning Wukong had a choice.

SO. Basically it's my hope that Wukong already chose MK over the world once, and him and Mei are gonna do it again.

[hit-tab]

Guess who's back! Yep, it's @insufficientchill's Conall and @ritens' Lane! I took a few too many screenshots, so brace yourself. <3

Yeah, bud, that's the whole point of this party comp. I thought it'd be fun. Don't you worry about it! It'll be fiiine.

I'm sure Conall and Lane only have the best of opinions after seeing me fail this levitation-jump five times in a row because I refused to waste a harpy snare beacon. I mean, it's a jump over the brine so I can try as many times as I want without consequence...except for the rapidly dwindling respect of my pawn's friends.

Speaking of, check out this cool underwater shot I got while getting eaten by the brine. Neat, huh?

Here's a shot of Conall being awesome. Fire suits him so well! Mage vocations have such a cool aesthetic, I swear.

And here's Lane kidnapping a knacker(?) that knocked me down. It always tickles me when pawns do that.

"Lane, was that your arrow?" "'Twas not me." "..."

Guys I know you're very excited to pal around but please look out for monsters.

I think René misses being a warrior...

I managed to get a cool shot of Lane, finally. Look at him! He's so ready to wreck face!

My new favourite hobby...equipping a bow specifically so that I can kick rocky saurians. And maybe also other saurian-type monsters. I'm really not too picky.

The whole team is working together! Look how cool everyone is! It's so rare to get them all in one shot that doesn't look like they're all doing their own, random thing.

Conall helping me out after I got wasted by a goreminotaur...thanks, man. Sorry it wasn't the monster you were after. Where's Lane and René? Just over there? They're high-fiving and/or fist-bumping? Oh... ;-;

I was trying to capture a bunch of little victory poses and Lane was having none of it haha.

I don't think Conall knows how to deal with René's shenanigans, the poor guy. (Also check out Lane hiding in the tall grass like a wild pokemon pft.)

Look at these two and their lining up perfectly and their matchy bows. I forget what they were aiming at...probably a bat.

René, buddy, I'm not sure that's going to work. Max rank and he still isn't quite sure how to be an archer smh. Glitches are fun.

Er...Conall? I'm not sure we needed this spell for one teeny little minotaur that had a sliver of its health left, but at least we completed your quest.

René is way too happy about the meteors.

Camping: miserable and wet edition. The poor pawns sitting in the rain...

I had so much fun with Conall and Lane this past couple of sessions! We all got a little dinged up (no tank no real healer) but that might have also been because I went wandering around the volcano area and everyone kept stepping in lava rip. Nothing a little more resting couldn't solve. Sorry in advance if they complain about their burned feet when I send them back.

I actually did Lane's quest first, but sadly didn't get any pictures of us fighting the golem...s? I think we fought two of them. Yeah, one on the volcanic island and another in mainland Battahl, I'm pretty sure. Something about golems makes me forget to take pics I swear.

Anyway, this party comp is surprisingly viable. I only switched to my magick bow for things like spooky ghosts and dragonkin. Everything else was three bow one sorc baybee! SO much fun.

(I haven't sent them back yet! Will do soon.)

Bonus victory pose I have never seen:

Behold. René's applauding. And because there's an enemy in the distance, he's applauding angrily!

I love it so much?? He just-- looks SO mad haha.

[booktomoviebrawl]

We are not judging how bad the movie is, we are judging which adapted the book the worst. There are good movies that are bad adaptions.

propaganda below the cut (spoilers may apply)

The Seeker: The Dark is Rising:

Painfully generic-dumbed-down-fantasy-action trying to channel better film franchises instead of the atmospheric, mythopoetic and lyrical children’s book it is technically based on. Bonus points for the open contempt people involved had for the source material, both in how they treated it and what they said about it.

BAD. Bad bad bad!! They completely changed Will's character. In the books he does get frustrated sometimes, but is mostly kind and patient and really makes you believe that he is both an ancient being and an 11 year old boy and in the movie they changed it so he's like really mad and angsty and just the total opposite of his actual character!! Absolute butchery. And they cut the Wild Hunt! And changed a bunch of other plot stuff and it overall just sucked.

where do I even begin. they made the main character American for no reason (this is perhaps the most egregious change), aged him up to 14, and added a straight romance subplot. they were so indecisive during production that they CUT AN ENTIRE MAIN CHARACTER in the time between the trailer and the actual film release. they completely fucked up all of Will’s family stuff. in pursuit of “relatability” they got rid of everything that makes the book good and put in THE most generic, poorly written, poorly acted (except Christopher Eccleston, who did okay), and poorly produced garbage. it was in theaters for like…less than a week; we were supposed to see it for my birthday but it was already gone. it doesn’t even have, like, half-decent special effects. it is an insult.

The Princess Diaries:

Haphazard approach to the plot

Look. They're good movies, but they're just not good adaptations of the books.

ik everyone loves the movie but, sorry, it's an awful adaptation of the book! mia in the book isn't a curly-haired glasses wearer whose "transformation" hinges on changing those two things about her! mia's close friend tina hakim baba (as well as their pals shameeka and ling su) were left out of the film which i think was blatant racism. changing the setting of the story from new york to san francisco is a travesty. killing off mia's dad is a terrible choice. mia and her mother's loud, open feminism is not present at all in the film. there are so many things wrong with this movie i can't even begin to explain it.

[longitudinalwaveme]

Captain Cold and the Blizzard Battle: The Kid's Book of Never-Ending Cold Puns

I was looking through some of the older posts on @gorogues's blog, and I was reminded that there was a kid's book that featured Captain Cold and the Top called Captain Cold and the Blizzard Battle. Since it was selling for six bucks on Amazon, I bought a copy, and I am now going to share my thoughts on it with everyone:

Captain Cold's stats (6'2", 196 lbs, brown hair, brown eyes) are taken directly from all those DC guidebooks.

The puns begin almost immediately. Len terrorized Central City with "cold-hearted crimes", the Flash "put him on ice", he has "nerves of ice", and "his cold heart lets him remain calm and collected even when the heat is on". The book also identifies the yellow capsule-looking things on his belt as cold grenades, though I don't think that those are what they actually are.

Captain Cold makes an entire blizzard just to rob an armored car. Seems a bit excessive. He also does it in May, because of course he does.

The blizzard also gets some kids out of school early, much to the kids' delight.

LOL, Len looks so proud of himself as he walks away with his loot.

Icicle (who is also in Central City, and is showing up Len), is stealing some "cold hard cash". Because cold puns!

Len gets away with his loot, since the Flash is more interested in stopping the Icicle (who's trying to get away with a hundred times as much money as Len) than he is in stopping Len. However, because Icicle is threatening his position as the best cold-themed criminal, Len can't even feel happy about his success.

Apparently Captain Cold's hideout is in an indoor tanning salon/steam sauna. He bought it with stolen money just so he could shut it down, because he just hates tanning salons/saunas that much. (I imagine that Mick was disappointed when he learned about that.) The fact that it's an excellent hiding spot for him is just a bonus.

And then Roscoe shows up! He's Len's pal in this story (which is hilarious, since they usually hate each other), and, even though Len invited him over, he still freaks out when Roscoe shows up (allegedly because he might have been the Flash).

"Aww, even you aren't cold enough to freeze a friend." And then Roscoe is instantly proven wrong when Len freezes his nose for no reason.

Roscoe has had "so many run-ins with the law today that my head is spinning".

Anyway, Len is bitter about the fact that Icicle seems to be better at his own game than he is, and tells Roscoe that he's lucky to be the only "spins-around-fast villain in the world."

Roscoe: "Thanks! But don't sell yourself short! What would we do without a guy like you?" Cheerful friendly Roscoe is both endearing and weird.

Len: "You'd call the Icicle. Or Mr. Freeze. Or any one of the other villains who have cold powers. Nowadays, it seems like there are dozens of them!" Len has a point. DC is full of ice-themed villains.

We then learn that, while Len got away with $10,000, the Icicle managed to get away with a million dollars (meaning that he also beat the Flash), and that at some point in the past, Len froze the Eiffel Tower. Why? Who knows!

Unfortunately, the Top then points out that Icicle froze all of Germany at the same time Len was freezing the Eiffel Tower, which I guess makes this version of Icicle the most powerful version ever.

Roscoe: "I hate to say it, but I know when a guy's been topped!" All these horrible puns make me smile.

Len wants to put the Icicle in his place for showing him up all the time, and, after Roscoe starts sneezing, he gets the idea to spread the common cold to the entire city. No, really. His evil plan is to spread the common cold to the entire city, and then rob some banks while everyone is too busy being sick to stop him.

In order to do this, he alters his cold gun so it can lower the temperature by about 20 degrees (instead of its usual, much lower temperatures), breaks into Bosh Labs to steal an experimental hypothermic rhinovirus (rhinovirus is the scientific name for the common cold, which I surprisingly actually did not know!), releases the virus into the air, and then makes the weather chilly so that the virus will spread really fast and get everybody sick.

Len won't be affected by the virus, however, because he also took the antidote from the labs (and also drank some orange juice, just in case.)

"He was about to conquer the entire city with a super-powerful cold! That had to be the greatest "cold crime" in history!" PUNS!

The plan works immediately, and everybody gets sick....but when Len goes to rob a bank, he learns that the Icicle has taken the credit for releasing the virus on live TV, and predictably gets angry.

"After all the years he had spent stealing from Central City, Captain Cold finally knew what it felt like to be robbed." This line is amazing and I love it.

Captain Cold goes to a coffee shop to get his favorite drink, iced coffee. Unfortunately for him, there's a very long line of people (all of whom are ordering tea, apparently), so he uses his cold gun to cut to the front of the line in a manner reminiscent of Gru in the Despicable Me movies.

The clerk gives Len regular coffee, so he freezes the poor clerk too and ices the drink himself...only to see the Flash fighting the Icicle through the window. And because of the cold Len gave him the Flash is losing!

Len goes back to his hideout, and Roscoe promptly shows up two seconds later, noting that it looks like the Icicle is going to "put the Flash on ice----permanently!"

For some reason, Roscoe always spins inside Len's hideout instead of just walking inside like a normal person. Which actually makes sense for Roscoe.

Roscoe has come down with the cold alongside everyone else in Central City. He thinks that the Icicle is responsible until he notices that Len isn't sneezing, at which point Len explains that he was the one who created the virus, and thus knew to take the antidote. Icicle wasn't affected because his entire body is made of ice, and thus can't catch a cold.

Len also reiterates that his cold gun can't affect Icicle...right before informing the Top that he's planning to go help Flash fight the Icicle anyway.

Roscoe's reaction: "That would mean saving your worst enemy---and mine! If you could, that is. No offense, but you said it yourself. You're just a guy with a cold gun. The icicle is made of ice. Your cold blasts can't hurt him, but..."

Len: "The Icicle can hurt me."

"The Top nodded, and then sneezed. "That doesn't sound like a fight you can win." " Len and Roscoe hanging out together is the best part of this book.

Len, being Len, is determined to fight Icicle anyway, and goes out to do just that. He saves the Flash from the Icicle, which prompts the Icicle to realize that Len's probably mad about him taking the credit for his crimes. The Icicle kind-of sort-of apologizes before telling Len to get out of his way so that "the better cold villain" can "finish off the Flash".

Shockingly, Len doesn't react well to this, and tells Icicle that if he wants the Flash, he'll have to go through Len first. Icicle replies with a title drop: "You just made a big mistake....You and I do the same thing. Only I do it better! But if you want a blizzard battle---you've got it!"

The two start fighting, and, while they're pretty evenly matched in terms of output, Len has a massive problem: as was underscored earlier, he doesn't have any real defense against Icicle's powers.

As the fight starts to turn against him, Len runs away and heads for his hideout. Icicle follows him, boasting about how dumb Len was to lead him to his hideout...and then Len promptly turns on all the saunas and indoor tanning beds, increasing the temperature in the room along with them.

This drains Icicle's powers, and Len promptly kicks the crap out of the powerless Icicle. "It takes more than ice powers to make a man cold. I always knew I was colder than you!" Oh, Len.

After he's sure he's defeated the Icicle, Len makes some more puns. "They say revenge is a dish best served cold....But it also tastes pretty good hot!"

Then the Flash shows up, immediately disarms Len, and knocks him to the ground with one super-speed punch. He's still suffering from the effects of the cold, but the fight between Icicle and Len gave him enough time to recover from his fight with Icicle.

Flash: "I just don't understand supervillains. It was so easy to follow the icy path of destruction that led here. So now I know where your hideout is, which means it isn't good for anything anymore. And with the Icicle out cold and your gun out of your hands, I won't have any problem taking you to jail...Was all of that really worth it? Just so everyone would know you were the one who unleashed this sickness on the city?"

In Len's mind, of course, it was totally worth it. Now that the Flash knows he unleashed the virus, everyone will know "that Captain Cold was the villain responsible for the greatest cold crime ever committed in the city!" So...happy end for Len, I guess.

No mention of what happened to Roscoe. Maybe he decided to go on a date with Lisa.

Anyway, this story was delightful and I loved it to bits. Having a story narrated entirely by Len was great, and I enjoyed that he felt in-character throughout. I could totally see Silver Age comic Len pulling a scheme like this, and Cold's strategic cleverness and grouchy possessiveness of Central City seems to come straight from Johns' Len. I also loved how hilariously petty he was throughout the story, from using his cold gun to cut in line for coffee to saving the Flash from Icicle just so he could prove that he was the better criminal.

The never-ending puns were likewise great, and I enjoyed that Roscoe got to be an important character in the book. Even though the role of Len's cheerful but slightly dimwitted pal would have worked better for Mick than for him, there's something extremely funny about having Roscoe in that role given how much he and Len hate each other in the main comics. And hey, he's still an endearing dork who makes top puns, so there are still some aspects of him that are recognizably Roscoe.

Finally, I enjoyed the art and the characters' slightly goofy facial expressions. I will probably do a separate post of the art at some point so that everyone else can enjoy it.

This is a great little book, and it was definitely worth the six dollars I paid for it.

[jailforwriter]

The Oracle (and why prophesy in storytelling doesn't have to suck)

You know what most people hate to see in their Fantasy stories? Prophesy. You know what's really fun to pick apart and analyze and makes for some delicious dramatic irony when handled properly? Prophesy.

How come? Well, for one, The Chosen One trope is a little overused. Readers tire of it quite quickly nowadays. Does that mean that it's bad and you should avoid it at all costs? Haha no. We're not Sith. We don't deal in absolutes. What it does mean is that you'll have to get really clever to justify that choice, narratively speaking, and that even then, some readers might still dislike it on principle. The inevitability of prophesy can often deter from our enjoyment of it, and we run the risk of it falling flat if it's not engaging enough.

Which is why I'm advocating for Prophesy Lite™️ (aka The Oracle character archetype) and its untold engagement potential! This business is no longer about ancient scripture handed down from generation to generation coming to wreck your protagonist's shit (boring). All the wrecking shall henceforth be done by one annoying creep only (fun).

By assigning The Oracle this role, we get to pump them full of all sorts of interesting human quirks, such as being a manipulator who purposefully miscommunicates messages, or being a bad public speaker who accidentally miscommunicates messages. Think the three witches in Macbeth. Either way, we're in for a great deal of misinterpretation and ethical conundrums, neither of which would've been half as fun from an ancient stone slab, now would they?

So what does The Oracle do, exactly?

Tergiversate. Like, everything, all the time. They're there to lead everyone down the wrong path via the three most annoying "s" words: semantics, sophistries, and symbolism (derogatory). They may or may not get high on fumes while doing so, Pythia-style, but there are a handful of things on the job description that they must comply with to qualify for the position:

Know stuff: mystical stuff, not just any stuff. The kind of stuff your character couldn't just find in the library. We're talking divine wisdom and esoteric truths of enlightenment here.

Foretelling: okay, so they know stuff. Now, we need them to make that everyone else's problem. For that, they need to prophesize.

Insight: this is the main reason why we didn't just use a cool ancient rhyme. It's because our dear Oracle can offer their own biased advice – riddled with deceit – and make everything worse.

Enigmatic: they gotta be at least a little weird, okay? They're one with the universe from 9 to 5, there's no way they can just integrate into society whenever they want because we need them to. Bonus points if they talk weirdly, too, so no one quite understands what they mean at any given moment, leading to even more hilarity.

Pals with God (optional): ideally, yes. In practice? Well, just imagine all the fun stuff you could have them do if they're only pretending to be a phone for the Sky People.

Why did this merit a whole human person?

Are you still not convinced that this human being couldn't just have been an email? Fine, let's look at other ways in which they could earn their keep:

Ethical spouting machine: remember how we established that they can introduce their own biased interpretations into their prophecies? Well, they also happen to have a mouth, and can therefore cause great emotional turmoil in your protagonist if they decide to pick their moral compass apart with it.

Manipulable: you thought your protagonist was the only one who could be manipulated? Ha ha. No. Your Big Bad is pulling at the Oracle's strings and they don't even know it! Or do they? Idk man, it's your story. Sounds real interesting though. I'd read that.

Potential allyship: unlike a slab of carved stone, this Oracle may establish cute lil' bonds with your other characters, making whatever you choose to do with them have emotional stakes, and we should always raise the emotional stakes where we can.

People grow: and your Oracle is a people, so we can certainly have them grow better. Or worse. Negative growth is also growth. They're a cool villain waiting to happen, is all I'm gonna say.

Subverting expectations since circa 4000 B.C.: I know Pop Culture has made us hate the term "subverting expectations", but contrary to what Hollywood seems to think, it can be done properly. One such way is via the Oracle, who, if we write them that way, can be less ominous and more babygirl. They maybe even down to help our protagonist avoid what should've been an unavoidable fate.

There you go! You can have your proverbial cake and eat it, too, so long as you make that cake (prophesy) very intricate and its baker (prophet) a little wacky. Thanks for reading!

Happy writing!

[pghbabesonbikes]

FBX

by Sara Khalil

Alleycats are a fun, low-pressure way to race. That’s why I always try and get people to do them, ha. First, you’ll receive checkpoints & a spokecard. Next, you’ll make a plan to bike to one, many, or all of the checkpoints. Lastly, you’ll follow the spectacular race directors instructions to complete the alleycat and bonus, you’ll feel like a million bucks. You’ll leave the race day with your delicately positioned spokecard in your front wheel for years to come, a small yet important token proving you kick ass. 

Every alleycat is organized a little bit differently. Sometimes the checkpoints are literally an address which is definitely a win for the navigation nerds. Other times they’re mediocre riddles or even just a spot on a map (that’s not even drawn to scale 🙃). It’s likely you’ll find all the things you need at them, like rad people to keep you motivated, snacks/drinks, cheerful signs, a much needed floor pump, among other things…

The strategy for attacking an alleycat can also really vary. Buddy up with people, you can do it in a group! If you’re worried about navigating or simply just want to have fun then rely on everyone’s brain for navigation (at your own risk!) and see where you place! More competitive? Wanna see if you have the street cred to really do the thing?? Try and rely on your own navigation to get you through it, whether that is google maps or your experience driving Uber. Honestly, sometimes I just follow the tire tracks and hope for the best… 

I work for a local bike share company that hosts 2 alley-cat-style rides each year. I call these alley-cat-style because they aren't races, but more multi-destination rides that are designed to get folks of all comfort levels out for fun, social, urban rides. Even though these rides lack the big race mentality, these rides are really fun for riders of all levels, and ultimately, you can bring whatever energy you want! Bike or Treat is our Halloween alleycat that takes place the Saturday before Halloween every year (a fun scavenger hunt race), and Le Tour De Donut is our April alleycat with 4 checkpoints each stocked up with donuts from local bakeries and coffee.

We don't have registration up yet for Le Tour, but folks can see all of our upcoming events here: https://pogoh.com/events/ 

My favorite kind of alleycat is the “go fast get there first” classic style - the Frigid Bitch way!

Every year I plan to do it solo, and if someone tries to tag on I always let them know there’s a non zero chance I might ditch them because I’m in it to win it. When the checkpoints drop, I usually bust out a paper BikePGH map to get a feel for where the checkpoints are across the city, highlighting potential routes between each. I’m confident in my ability to navigate most neighborways and bike lanes. I never use technology to navigate because it kinda takes forever to be honest! If I’m gonna skip a few, it’s usually the ones that are on hills, because I’m a slow-ish climber. I have a side plan that if I make it to a certain point by a certain time, then I’ll go for them!

The plan, roughly

This year when the checkpoints dropped, I was kicking myself because I knew almost all the checkpoints from doing the training rides, but I missed the training ride that hit Climax St! Of course it was a stop for FBX. And the south side slopes are kind of my kryptonite - I almost never climb them. This meant I really had no idea how much time Climax st was going to add to my route. I decided to nix Climax and Rialto from my gameplan for the day. I didn’t think I would have time to make them. 

Jo at the lake

My first stop was the lake. From there, I promptly guided my pal to a staircase that no longer existed, then to what I believed to be the checkpoint, but what was really the weird statue/shrine in South Oakland. Once we finally found Romeo St, it was a real vibe - we ditched our bikes and ran up the stairs to someone holding a sign that said “You’re a bitch!” which warmed my soul and spotted a friend Jarrod taking photos. We quickly said hi and bye before heading down the new-to-us, fully functioning staircase that connects to Bates and swiftly hiked our bikes down it. We crossed Hot Metal Bridge to hit OTB as fast as possible. Our plan was Grandview next, but somewhere along the way my bud egged me on to try Climax and we split. Turns out, it wasn’t a bad climb (the memory is distant now, ha) ANDDD Venture Outdoors had a s’mores stop at the top. Score. 

Photo by Murphy Moschetta 

I like to move quickly, so I bombed back down to south side and made my way over to climb back up PJ McCardle. I noticed my front tire was going flat when I got to the overlook and a volunteer, Bobby, helped me pump it up. Thankfully it didn’t give me any trouble for the rest of the race. I continued on, at this point feeling a little beat from climbing up two big hills. I was solo. I hit the point and kept on rolling. Somewhere in the Strip I linked back up with Jo and she encouraged me, yet again, to go for it. I sped up to hit Rialto. The next few checkpoints are kind of a blur. I slid through Polish Hill before heading to the button to see my friend Erin, and roped my way down to the official checkpoint near the water. 

Last up, I rushed up to hit the last stop, Bananna-lenaville. I felt an emotional burst because the volunteers were counting down “10… 9… 8…” as I rolled up. I found out later, they did that for a lot of folks… good call team Bananna-lenaville! I started off to the Wheel Mill in hopes I’d get there quick! I ditched my bike on the sidewalk, ran up the stairs, and politely threw my manifest at the volunteer. FBX was in the books. I took a look around to see who was back (though it’s impossible to tell how you did) and started swapping stories. A few popular questions were floating around - “How many checkpoints did you hit?” “Who did you ride with?” “Did you hit Rialto?” Everyone had a different day. 

Proof I did it

I finished in 25th place and got ALL the checkpoints. I was pretty stoked about how I finished, but even more excited to announce a little secret my friends and I were a part of - the brand new Pittsburgh Babes on Bikes Racing team! We’re a couple of badass babes who are introducing racing to more women and under repped gender identities, organizing group rides/clinics, and generally getting more folks to get out together to try more on two wheels. Our team aims to add more novice riders as time goes on. 

photo by Monica Garrison

If you’ve ever thought about racing mountain bikes, well, this is your year! We’re hosting a bunch of pre-rides out at Yellow Creek State Park  in anticipation of one of my favorite races, the YC Monthly Grassroots series. The first pre-ride is March 23rd and the race follows the next weekend. There are three routes available - beginners tackle 8 miles, sport riders hit a 16 mile out and back with a few creek crossings, and experts go after the full 23 mile loop which has some rocky bits. Pick your distance and come check it out with us in March! Frigid Bitch racers get a discount code for race registration. 

My most prized collection

I’m looking forward to another year of Frigid Bitch. Less than a month out, I’m full of excitement wondering if I’ll get any new friends or flats along the way. What will the weather be like? What bike will I ride? Am I even going to know where the fucking checkpoints are?? Anything can happen! But it’s nice to know it’s gonna be a surprise. 

[kellanved-ammanas]

Demoman Pals & Ships - Pyro - Fade to Black

[A/N] I have been trying to get myself to start posting this for literally more than a month now but just kept not being in the mood to do it because I want to explain what I'm doing so that people can appreciate that this is a writing exercise, that though fun, is actually kinda hard and is a pretty big commitment. Here it finally is though because I finally sat down to post it when I actually have time to figure out how I want to explain it.

Explanation: first I assigned each merc a number and used a random number generator which landed on Demo. Then for each drabble I rolled again and used a prompt generator to get a prompt. I do these latter two things right before sitting down to write each drabble, meaning I basically have no time to think about what I'm gonna write before it's time to start writing. Which is the point, I'm pushing myself a little while also keeping it in comfortable parameters of knowing the drabble's gonna feature Demo interacting with someone (except for the bonus last drabble, he's alone in that one). My one constraint is that I have to write from that someone's POV (again except for the last one for obvious reasons). And I'm gonna do this for each of the nine mercs.

Also, I've done something like this before. In that one I had a focus on making most of the drabbles shippy to explore new ships (and discovered multiple that I liked in the process). I'm not doing that on this one, just them interacting. A lot of them ended being kinda shippy anyway and most could probably be read either way.

~

Pyro woke slowly, his head pounding. He rolled over, burying his face into the soft pillow. It was no use though. He was already awake and his throat was about as dry as the New Mexico desert. With a groan, he rolled back over to look up at the ceiling. A familiar ceiling but not the ceiling in his room.

“Hey, you’re awake,” Demo said with a tired sounding chuckle from somewhere to Pyro’s right. “Good morning.”

Pyro could only groan again.

“Yeah, I feel ya. There’s some water and a bottle pain pills on the nightstand though, the good stuff from the Doc’s office.”

Those two things were about the only things that could get Pyro to move right now. He pushed himself up and slid over to sit on the edge of the bed. Demo’s bed because he was in Demo’s room. He still wore his suit but his mask, boots, and gloves had been taken off and lain on the nightstand next to the promised bottles of water and pain pills.

Pyro took two, downing them with the entire bottle of water. Seemingly fresh from the fridge, it was possibly the greatest water he’d ever tasted. Upon finishing it, he crumbled up the bottle and tossed it in trashcan by the door, or tried to anyway. His aim was off and it landed next to the can instead of in it. Ugh.

With a sigh, he stood and put it in manually. “What happened?” he asked as he sat back on the edge of the bed, turning his head to look at Demo seated in the lounge chair Pyro had helped him dissemble and put back together in here a couple weeks ago. He lay back in it, looking just as hungover as Pyro felt.

“How much you remember?”

“Hmm… we went to town and then to the bar and then… I don’t know.” Everything seemed to fade to black from there. Clearly alcohol had been involved somehow though.

“Scout convinced you to play beer pong with him. Bastard didn’t invite me, probably cause he knew I’d win but still. Anyway, after that you decided you simply had to set the bar on fire and would not let it rest even after I took your lighters away. We had to drag you out before we got kicked out and banned again. You passed out during the car ride home.”

“Oh.” Despite going to the bar with the rest of the team every Sunday, Pyro didn’t drink often. In large part because doing so around the mask was a bit of a pain. Since starting to trust Demo enough to be comfortable around him without out it though, he’d been a bit more lax with loosening it around everyone else too. “Did I win?”

“Huh?”

“Against Scout. Did I win?”

“He played slightly better table tennis but passed out before you so yeah, I’d say you won.”

“Good.” Even if it wasn’t the cleanest victory and he didn’t remember any part of it, Pyro would still take that was a victory.

Too uncomfortable to sit here for much longer, he stood, giving himself room to unzip the suit and slip out of it. After wearing it most of yesterday and then sleeping in it, taking it off was like finding fresh air after being tramped in a dank tunnel for a week. A massive relief! ... He could really use a shower though. Meaning he would have to put it back on in order to go through the halls all the way to the shower. Something he really wasn’t in the mood to do right now. Instead…

“You want to go back to bed?” he asked as he looked over at Demo again.

“Now that you mention it… that sounds like a good plan. I’d tried to get up but… I’m too hungover for all this.” He lifted a hand to gesture vaguely in the air, indicating life in general. Pyro couldn’t agree with that sentiment more. They could sleep for a little bit more before getting up for real.

[arcplaysgames]

i'm finally up to the hawaii trip and i gotta ask: when Ryuuji's going on about the locals talking about the phantom thieves, does he put a little. i hate that i'm speaking mcelroyese here but does he put a little stank on it to make it clear that he's making fun of how they pronounce it

there is a thing in my next letter to you about how i suspect Mishima is a racist, but i think Ryuuji might be one too, from how he talks about the locals and An. like, neither of them are a level of racist that's socially unacceptable in japan, they're just a level of racist that pisses me off because i have to smile placidly and Be Tolerant at people who say this stuff ALL THE TIME

also, i KNOW i'm projecting but i am SUPER irritated that everyone who was a jerk to An is sucking up to her now that they need her english skills!

(You sent this to my side blog so I hope it's okay to publish, if not lemme know and I'll nuke. I'm gonna make it non-rebloggable just in case anyway.)

sup bro, sorry you reached the worst part of the game. Hawaii, esp if you don't have a romance locked, is horrendous. utterly miserable.

listen, sometimes we gotta use the McElroy-ese because its useful vernacular.

Flipping through my screencaps (which I have still not deleted for some fucking reason) of that awful sequence, I feel like Ryuji was at his most disrespectful and shitty. But some of that probably got lost in translation due to how the localization team had to bend so far to, like.... delineate between Japanese Characters Speaking "Japanese" and Americans Speaking English. It's hilarious, the two women who Ryuji fails to get it off with are speaking in THICK psuedo-Texan accents to make SURE the player understands.

So for me, I didn't get the racist vibes but I don't think I would have picked out vibes since Ryuji and Mishima treat literally everyone so fucking reprehensibly that.... pal, I wouldn't have fucking noticed unless they dropped a slur. They treat everyone like garbage or like someone they might potentially fuck. That's it.

That all said, Ryuji is so happy to thoughtlessly dehumanize people around him and sulks when he's called out about it, so I wouldn't be surprised. It's frankly kind of stunning how he just.... has no redeeming qualities that stand out against all his copious fucking flaws.

For Mishima, MAN. MAAAAAAN. When I think about the scenes in his SLink and that really fucking weird one with Futaba in her SLink, I don't even fucking KNOW. Am eager to see what you pull out of this shit because it's Yikes with and without cultural context imo. I heard he's vaguely based on a right wing weirdo but idk. I find it interesting that the game never seems to outright say Mishima is a good person and often gives the player chances to call him out.

The weirdness around Ann is a constant though, yeah. She herself is such a fucking ray of light, it's always.... interesting how everyone around her (except the player character) treats her like an aberrant of some kind. Given the treatise of the game, I assume part of the point is to show the difficulties of Ann's position and the attitudes towards her and the exoticization? But since they don't.... ultimately do anything about it (and circle backward with the whole Nude Painting arc) and her SLink doesn't say anything about it.... it's just another missed shot, imo.

Honestly, if you can hang on 'til the Royal bonus semester, the only Actually Great writing of the game is there. That's the only place.

[isaacapatow]

* * #SOLAR PANEL YARD WITH @davxdalexander & @zackastor

in which zack spills the beans about ike covering for mayra; david decides to let zack back among the hunters; and things get closer to the status quo

Ike: So I wanted to talk to you. About Zack. -chews his bottom lip for a moment, looking at david- Away from most everyone, that's why we came out here.

David Alexander: -David raises an eyebrow at him- Yeah, I was starting to wonder why you wanted to talk all the way out here. What do you want to talk to me about with him?

Ike: Well, I think you got some idea, Davey. I hear the come-to-Jesus talk you and Little Big Boss tried to have with 'im didn't go so good. Which is why he ended up on the road with me.

David Alexander: Yeah, that's putting it lightly. And I'm taking it he was just as lippy with you as he was with me.

Ike: -shrugs- I think he's got a different approach with both of us. I wanted to know -- did you send him to me? Was that something the two of you decided on?

David Alexander: No. I told him that I'd be willing to find a compromise and figure out how to work with each other and if he didn't want to do that he could find a new job. He's the one that walked out and chose to come to you.....why?

Ike: -snickers a little when david describes the talk, shaking his head and looking down before giving david a derisive grin- ...seriously? You seriously thought trying to pull the "I'm so reasonable and sensible" talk would work with that guy? God damn, Davey. You sure did choose a personality outta the box and try to stick to it, huh.

David Alexander: -David sighs and runs his hand down his face- Is there a point to all of this, Ike? I doubt you pulled me all the way out here to crack jokes about my lack of personality.

Ike: Yeah, you're right. That's just a bonus. -rubs his thumb against the corner of his jaw for a moment- What's your read on him? Has he told you much about his past? I know he ran with a pack of his own, the Wolves. I know Nicki was with 'em for a while and I'll likely talk to her, too. I wanna know if he told you anything direct, or if he did anything that stood out to you.

David Alexander: I know he was former Marine and deployed. He didn't tell me that - he didn't have to. We can spot a combat vet a mile away. I knew about the Wolves and something happened to them, but nothing outside of that.

Ike: Great. -grinds his teeth, looking pissed- So nothing about what motivates the guy.

Zack Astor: -he was out on a run, nothing unusual for him, when he spots Isaac and David; furrows his brows slightly before he puts on a smile as he makes his way up to them- Well, didn't think I'd ever seen you two have a secret meeting. The hell are you doing here? Something wrong with the solar panels?

Ike: Solar panels ain't what's got something wrong with 'em.

Zack Astor: -keeps on smiling- Pretty mean of you, Ike. David can't help it.

David Alexander: If you find that out, you let me know. -he looks over and spots Zack running to them. He's ready to just pass it off as a chat but he hears Ike's reply and sighs before running his hand down his face. He has a feeling this is not going to end pleasantly-

Ike: -presses his lips into a tight not-quite-smile at Zack- The two of us are having a performance review of your work, Zack. And you're falling down hard on the 'disposition and teamwork' section.

Zack Astor: Oh really? Well -claps his hands, his grin becoming slightly mocking- I'm all ears. Tell me, what can I do to be better? Offer complimentary blowjobs? Kiss your asses some more?

David Alexander: -David inwardly groans- Maybe lay off the sarcasm for a moment, alright? Look, whether you like it or not but we all need to work together and we can't do that if there's a constant butting of heads.

Ike: --and see, now, I might like the blowjobs and ass kissing.

David Alexander: Not helpful, Ike

Zack Astor: -casts a quick glance at Ike- Sorry pal, you gonna have to be the one sucking my dick. -he turns back to David- Last time I checked, I'm pretty fucking good at my job and getting shit done. I don't see a damn problem.

Ike: -spreads his hands in a shrug- That's exactly my point. Now, you don't gotta like both of our styles, buckaroo, but you gotta pick one. And you gotta fuckin' abide by it. You're not a free agent out there beyond the gates anymore, doing whatever the hell you want. That's the problem.

Zack Astor: Do I now? -he steps up to Ike, barely a few inches away; he lowers his voice- Or what, Ike?

David Alexander: -as soon as Zack toes up to Ike David puts his arm in to push them apart- This ain't the fucking wild west, alright? Zack, back off.

Ike: -rocks back half a step and starts breathing again-

Zack Astor: -turns his eyes onto David- We're just talking David. Nothing more. -notes Ike's reaction with a slight grin- I'm doing my job. David, you just don't like it that I'm not in awe of your tough guy routine. Ike... well, you know what I think is wrong with you. So, I suggest you take it or fucking leave it.

David Alexander: Right, because going toe-to-toe with someone is just talking. You were goading him and I am not explaining to anyone why fists were thrown. -he can feel the tension in the air- See, that's where you're wrong, Zack. I don't care if your impressed. I ain't here to impress anybody. Like you, I'm here to do my job. So is Ike but we can't be doing our jobs when you're fighting us every step of the way. So maybe you need to take a look at yourself and figure out what you're willing to deal with. Telling us that we just need to deal with your attitude is not how we work as a team.

Zack Astor: Wasn't goading him either. -turns away from Ike to stare at David- Don't be so damn dramatic, David. Never got us wrapped up in danger, now did I? Like I said, I do my job, and I'm damn good at it. I'm just not kissing your ass. And -he grabs Ike's shoulder- Ike and I get along pretty fucking good on raids. Don't we Ike?

Ike: The raids ain't the trouble. It's the after. -doesn't protest as Zack jostles him, just angles out of his grip once it stops- Being good at your job is the bare minimum. You were military. You know what it's like when there's one hump in the platoon who nobody else wants to be on lookout with. That's you, hombre.

Zack Astor: So, let me get this straight. Your problem with me seriously is that I'm not nice enough? Are you fucking shitting me?

David Alexander: It's not about being nice - it's about be civil and being a team player. You don't gotta like us but you gotta work with us.

Ike: Believe me, nobody's rushing to call me 'nice'. -inclines his head at david to include the other man's comments- You're hard to want around. And this is survival situations. People gotta want you around for you to be on one of our details. Otherwise you're gonna have to choose a job around town and only answer to Ermano. 

Zack Astor: Fucking hell. You're serious. -regards them both with narrowed eyes- So, you're threatening to throw me out. If that's what you mean, have some fucking balls and say it.

Ike: Nobody's throwing you out. That's not what we do here. It's a reassignment, at most.

Zack Astor: You're gonna throw me out of the raiders. -scoffs- I get along pretty damn good with the other hunters. Jake's never had a problem with me. Nicki and I get along well enough. It's just you two. And because of that, you're trying to put me on desk duty instead of letting me do what I'm fucking good at.

David Alexander: Have you not been listening? What part of compromising and finding common ground have you not understood? I told you before, I don't mind you being a hunter but if you are we need to find a way to work together. You decided to go off to the raiders instead. And now Ike here is having the same problem. You gotta work with us, not mouthing off at every little thing we say or do.

Ike: -abruptly- No, it's -- it's more than that. I could handle the lip, I don't give a fuck about him opening up a mouth to me. And yeah, your work's good. -stares at zack, intently, for a long moment- It's more than that.

David Alexander: Well, you've always been an enigma, Ike.

Zack Astor: -stares at Isaac, licking his lip- It is. And that's nothing your intervention can fix, Ike.

David Alexander: -David is looking between the two of them in confusion- Someone want to explain what is going on, then?

Zack Astor: -grinning- If Ike wants me to, I'll gladly will.

Ike: -giving Zack a heavy, dark look; he swallows, saying painfully- Zack here took me behind the woodshed a little while back. When I had... -gestures at his face, a few lingering shades of bruises and cuts from the beating he took- ...he's the one knocked me around. It's not important why. But it's not a precedent he gets to set, in dealing with shit.

Zack Astor: -raises his eyebrows- It's pretty damn important why, Ike. You just don't like the why.

Ike: It's not important why.

David Alexander: -David sighs loudly as he runs his hand down his face- Ike is right - the why ain't fucking important. Jesus god damn Christ. There ain't no good reason to be yanking people around and fist fighting. Is that how you ran things with your old group? If so, that shit needs to stop because that's not how we handle things here.

Zack Astor: No. No I didn't run things like that with the wolves. -Zack leans back slightly, casting a gaze from David to Ike- But none of my wolves were stupid enough to protect people who could be a danger to us.

Ike: -his lip ripples in warning to Zack, but he doesn't say anything-

David Alexander: -David moves his gaze from Zack to Ike with a questioning sort of gaze- Ike?

Zack Astor: -shrugs at Isaac's glance, slight grin on his face- Ball's in your court, Ike.

Ike: Ball's in my court. Oh-kaay. If you believe that, Zack ... -raises his eyebrows, mouth turned down- ...then the ball was in my court for the other thing, too. That's what happens when you've been put in charge of shit around here, you get to make some decisions, unilaterally. -bites back a sneer, but just barely- Now -- you got to smack me around for it, but you don't get to call the shots.

Zack Astor: -stares at Isaac, unwavering- Tell me - is Mayra really that good of a fuck?

Ike: -blinks back at him- You wouldn't understand even if I told you.

Zack Astor: Ah, that's where you're wrong. -puts his hands into his pockets, letting a breath whistle out between his teeth- Just that my people didn't get as lucky as yours did.

Ike: Well. I'm sorry about that. I truly fuckin' am. But you don't get to ride roughshod over us to make up for it, man.

Zack Astor: -narrows his eyes slightly- I'm not making up for shit, Ike. That's the thing you don't understand. Letting Mayra get away scott-free is asking for something worse to be coming through that wall next time. Because people like you -he points at Ike- protect people like her.

Ike: -freezes, then turns away, rubbing his face- Ahhhh, shit, Zack.

David Alexander: -David has remained pretty silent to try and figure out what the hell is going on but he's only getting more questions than answers- Ike....what did Mayra do?

Zack Astor: -his expression darkens slightly, the grin has disappeared a long time ago- I warned you.

Ike: Please don't. Just ... there's no point. Don't do it.

Zack Astor: -cast a glance at David, before steadying his gaze back on Ike- The hole in the wall was Mayra's. She was the one who kept it a secret for god knows how long. Ike was just the one who took the fall.

David Alexander: -David's arms that had been crossed across his chest fall in disbelief. He glances between the two of them, not exactly sure what to say. Jesus Christ, what did he just get in the middle of?-

Ike: -slightly bolstered by david's lack of reaction, looks at zack- There you go. You managed to spill your secret and it doesn't even matter.

Zack Astor: Do you really think that? After how hard you tried to keep it a secret from everyone? -puts his hands back into his pockets, a tension in his body- Tell me Ike - does she feel sorry? Do you think she understands how easily she could have gotten everyone killed? Can you say that and believe it?

Ike: It doesn't matter. David isn't gonna tell anybody.

Zack Astor: So you can't. -he tilts his head- Let David decide that. And even then, I still know, Ike.

David Alexander: -David has a bunch of questions for Ike but he also knows it would be better not to ask them in front of Zack- Zack, can you give us a minute? Ike, a word. -motions with his head to walk away from Zack for a minute so he can get to the bottom of this without Zack adding his two cents-

Ike: -reluctantly walks aside with david- It makes sense, Davey. It wouldn't be good for the town if everyone knew Mayra was using that hole in the fence for god knows how long. It's cleaner to let people believe I just fucked up in reporting it.

David Alexander: -David sighs as he looks over at Zack for a minute- I'm not arguing with you on that, but if I'm gonna know, I need to know and then we need to decide what we're going to do about Zack because obviously he thinks he's holding something over your head.

Ike: I don't know what to do. There's nothing to stop him from telling other people.

David Alexander: Well....if he's trying to blackmail you then maybe we need to keep him away from you. Can't exactly use his leverage if he doesn't know when to use it. But we can't exactly just reassign him again.... -he sighs with a long groan- How bad is this, Ike?

Ike: -gnaws on his bottom lip for a moment- Bad. I don't care if people think it was my fault, I can take it. I don't want anybody confronting Mayra about it because she's liable to ... I dunno. I don't know. She's liable to take it hard and do something. To herself, maybe even.

David Alexander: -David takes a deep breath and nods- Alright.....alright, this is what we'll do. I'll put him back on the hunters, get him away from you and then I can keep an eye on him. Does anyone else outside of you, me and Zack know? 

Ike: Jemma and Ermano both know. So that's most of the Council. All of us except Renee.

David Alexander: Well, maybe we need to tell Renee then, too. So that way the Council knows and they can handle anything that may or may not come up if Zack decides to start blabbing.

Ike: -deflated- Yeah. That makes sense. -looks over at zack- I really, really don't want him spreading this around town. But maybe him being back on the hunters would help. He'd get something he wants.

David Alexander: I can see that and I understand why. Ain't no reason to cause unnecessary panic in the town. Everyone is already on edge enough and we don't need a witch hunt. So I'll leave you to inform the Council and I'll....-he sighs- I'll deal with the Zack problem.

Ike: Okay. I'm ... I think I'm gonna have to go talk to Mayra about this. -sighs in an echo of david- Can I leave you here with him?

David Alexander: Yeah, you probably should. -David glances at Zack and nods before stuffing his hands in his pockets- Yeah, yeah I'll take care of Zack. -he thinks about adding a you owe me for this to the end of it but decides against it- Just go take care of your end and I'll deal with mine.

Ike: -gratefully- Thanks, man. -claps david on the shoulder and lopes off, without looking back-

David Alexander: -David nods and waits for Ike to saunter off before bracing himself as he walks back over to Zack- Good news, Zack, you're back on the hunters.

Zack Astor: -casts a glance at David, eyes narrowed- What did you and Ike talk about?

David Alexander: You and what to do about this little secret of his. He's gonna go tell the rest of the Council and I get the luxury of having you back in the hunter party. You should consider that a win, Zack. I mean, that's what you want, right? Back in the hunters, Ike handling the Mayra issue and making sure it doesn't become a problem again.

Zack Astor: Just the council, huh? -sucks in a breath through his teeth- I'll decide what's a win and what's not.

David Alexander: Yeah, the Council, and then they can decide what they want to do. But I think I know what they're gonna say and it's going to be talk to Mayra and then ensure nothing comes out of it. Because if I were on the Council, I wouldn't want to spread undue panic which is all that's going to happen if you decide to start telling people around town. So until the Council decides what they want to do, you're my problem. Lucky me. -he sticks his hands in his pockets and appears nonchalant- I found some deer tracks head out East the other day so we'll go see if we can bag anything tomorrow. Gives us a chance to figure out how to make this work. Sound good to you?

Zack Astor: Maybe some 'undue panic' would do Mayra some good. Some kids have to get burned before they stop trying to touch the stovetop. -he eyes David up- Fine. Sure. Deerhunting. Sounds good. David Alexander: Great. I'll see you bright and early tomorrow. -he claps his hand on Zack's shoulder before passing by him- Looking forward to it. -no he wasn't-

Zack Astor: -he looks at the hand on his shoulder, before glancing at David passing him; he doesn't say a word while David walks away; when the hunter is out of sight, Zack inhales deeply, running a hand through his hair, expression weary- Fucking hell. -deciding to finish his run, he jogs off-

[my-weird-news]

🤑 Secrets of 'Pump Rules' Stars' Incredible Financial Success! 🌟

Tom Sandoval and Raquel Leviss' Cheating Caper: A Comedy of Paychecks Alright folks, gather round, because we've got some Vanderpump drama that's juicier than a squeezed lemon at Lisa's restaurant! 🍋 You remember Tom Sandoval and Raquel Leviss, right? Oh, you know, the duo that made cheating scandal an art form and turned Bravo's Vanderpump Rules into a Shakespearean soap opera with a side of paycheck drama. 🎭💰 So, there we were, innocently watching the start of Vanderpump Rules season 10 in February 2023. The big talk of the town? Tom Schwartz's escapades with Leviss, all while going through a divorce with poor Katie Maloney. And let's not forget, everyone's favorite hobby: gossiping about Sandoval and Ariana Madix calling it quits after nearly a century—wait, I mean a decade—of dating. The reason? Sandoval's infidelity, which was like a plot twist even the writers of the show couldn't make up! 📺💔 But wait, folks, it gets better! Our dear Sandoval, in his finest "I-can't-believe-this-is-my-life" moment, put his Vanderpump pals on blast. He went on the "Howie Mandel Does Stuff" podcast in April 2023 and let those dirty laundry air like it was laundry day in a windstorm. He's all like, "Hey, all these guys are treating me like I'm their personal scandal-generator. They're milking this drama cow and making me out to be a narcissist. It's like I'm their daily content vending machine!" And those fellow cast members, bless their hearts, were more interested in asking Sandoval questions about the cheating caper than they were in picking out their morning socks. "Oh, Sandoval, did you cheat? Did you really, really cheat? Can you say 'cheat' one more time for the sake of our podcast?" Sandoval was on the verge of pulling out his hair extensions (or is it real hair? No one knows!) in frustration. 🎤🧠 Meanwhile, Raquel Leviss, the other player in this theatrical debacle, decided it was time to point her perfectly manicured finger somewhere else. She was like, "Yo, network peeps, why ain't you paying me enough to handle this level of scandalous shenanigans? I deserve a scandal bonus, darn it!" She spilled the tea on Bethenny Frankel's podcast in August 2023. According to Leviss, producers were waving the "you get paid based on your previous season's performance" flag in her face. She thought, "Alright, time to perform like a Broadway star on Vanderpump Rules. I'm single, I'm ready to mingle, and I'm gonna make this show my personal stage!" 🎤🎭 And just like that, Vanderpump Rules turned into a twisted version of Monopoly, where scandal earns you cold, hard cash. So, without further ado, here's the scoop on each cast member's post-Sandoval success (and I mean success in terms of money, not morals, mind you): - Sandoval: Still riding the wave of his scandalous infamy, pocketing dollars every time someone says "cheater." - Leviss: Out there, single and ready to embrace the drama for the sake of her bank account. Cha-ching! - Schwartz: Probably trying to figure out how he ended up in a real-life soap opera, but hey, drama sells, right? - Ariana Madix: Collecting royalties for every sigh, tear, and raised eyebrow she bestows upon her scandalous ex. So, folks, if you thought Vanderpump Rules was just about cocktails and brunch, think again! It's a wild world of scandal, betrayal, and paychecks bigger than Lisa's fabulous hats. 🍹👒 Stay tuned for more Bravo hilarity, because you know the drama never stops in this reality TV circus! 🎪📺# Tom Sandoval and Raquel Leviss' Cheating Caper: A Comedy of Paychecks Alright folks, gather round, because we've got some Vanderpump drama that's juicier than a squeezed lemon at Lisa's restaurant! 🍋 You remember Tom Sandoval and Raquel Leviss, right? Oh, you know, the duo that made cheating scandal an art form and turned Bravo's Vanderpump Rules into a Shakespearean soap opera with a side of paycheck drama. 🎭💰 So, there we were, innocently watching the start of Vanderpump Rules season 10 in February 2023. The big talk of the town? Tom Schwartz's escapades with Leviss, all while going through a divorce with poor Katie Maloney. And let's not forget, everyone's favorite hobby: gossiping about Sandoval and Ariana Madix calling it quits after nearly a century—wait, I mean a decade—of dating. The reason? Sandoval's infidelity, which was like a plot twist even the writers of the show couldn't make up! 📺💔 But wait, folks, it gets better! Our dear Sandoval, in his finest "I-can't-believe-this-is-my-life" moment, put his Vanderpump pals on blast. He went on the "Howie Mandel Does Stuff" podcast in April 2023 and let those dirty laundry air like it was laundry day in a windstorm. He's all like, "Hey, all these guys are treating me like I'm their personal scandal-generator. They're milking this drama cow and making me out to be a narcissist. It's like I'm their daily content vending machine!" And those fellow cast members, bless their hearts, were more interested in asking Sandoval questions about the cheating caper than they were in picking out their morning socks. "Oh, Sandoval, did you cheat? Did you really, really cheat? Can you say 'cheat' one more time for the sake of our podcast?" Sandoval was on the verge of pulling out his hair extensions (or is it real hair? No one knows!) in frustration. 🎤🧠 Meanwhile, Raquel Leviss, the other player in this theatrical debacle, decided it was time to point her perfectly manicured finger somewhere else. She was like, "Yo, network peeps, why ain't you paying me enough to handle this level of scandalous shenanigans? I deserve a scandal bonus, darn it!" She spilled the tea on Bethenny Frankel's podcast in August 2023. According to Leviss, producers were waving the "you get paid based on your previous season's performance" flag in her face. She thought, "Alright, time to perform like a Broadway star on Vanderpump Rules. I'm single, I'm ready to mingle, and I'm gonna make this show my personal stage!" 🎤🎭 And just like that, Vanderpump Rules turned into a twisted version of Monopoly, where scandal earns you cold, hard cash. So, without further ado, here's the scoop on each cast member's post-Sandoval success (and I mean success in terms of money, not morals, mind you): - Sandoval: Still riding the wave of his scandalous infamy, pocketing dollars every time someone says "cheater." - Leviss: Out there, single and ready to embrace the drama for the sake of her bank account. Cha-ching! - Schwartz: Probably trying to figure out how he ended up in a real-life soap opera, but hey, drama sells, right? - Ariana Madix: Collecting royalties for every sigh, tear, and raised eyebrow she bestows upon her scandalous ex. So, folks, if you thought Vanderpump Rules was just about cocktails and brunch, think again! It's a wild world of scandal, betrayal, and paychecks bigger than Lisa's fabulous hats. 🍹👒 Stay tuned for more Bravo hilarity, because you know the drama never stops in this reality TV circus! 🎪📺 Read the full article

[esonetwork]

'Dead Jack and The Old Gods' Book Review By Ron Fortier

New Post has been published on https://esonetwork.com/dead-jack-and-the-old-gods-book-review-by-ron-fortier/

'Dead Jack and The Old Gods' Book Review By Ron Fortier

DEAD JACK and The OLD GODS By James Aquilone Homunculus House 255 pgs

Unlike the overwhelming majority of our colleagues in the pulp community, we have never been fans of writer H.P. Lovecraft. His elaborate myth of the Cthulu and the Old Gods always seemed too grandiose a concept to be effective as good old fashion, gut-wrenching horror. Gives us a creepy Edgar Alan Poe tale anytime. Obviously, we are the minority and over the years have had to endure countless stories wherein various popular occult detectives battled the cosmic deities with their giant batwings and elephant snouts ad infinitum. Everyone one of those left us bored silly.

This brings us to James Aquilone’s third Dead Jack adventure in which, you guessed it, our cynical Zombie detective and his Pillsbury Doughboy homunculus pal Oswald, must save the world of Pandemonium from the Ancient Gods. Apparently, someone has gotten their hands on the dark magic tome known as the Necronomicon and is all set to open up a dimensional portal by which Cthulu and company will make their appearance. At this point, we were ready to stifle a yawn. That never happened in this instance is due to Aquilone’s brilliant solution to the whole Lovecraftian mythos; make it funny. Which is precisely what does work.

Amidst their quest for the book, Dead Jack and Oswald are attempting to work out some very serious relationship issues left over from their last adventure. It seems Oswald has swallowed a magical Jupiter Stone which gives him amazing powers. Though unwilling to admit it, Dead Jack is envious. Succumbing to that emotion, he begins to verbally abuse his little buddy to the point they seek out couples therapy. Somewhere in the middle of this merging of insane plots, it suddenly dawned on us who the two of them brought to mind. Jack and Oswald are the horror/fantasy versions of the classic Hollywood comedy team of Bad Abbott and Lou Costello. It’s all there, from their sniping attitudes towards each other amidst danger to the true underlying sense of friendship and loyalty.

All of this plays itself out by the book’s cataclysmic no-holds-barred battle between their unified avatar and the alien God of Doom. Honestly, Aquilone surprised us again with another entry twice as much fun as the first two. With Dead Jack, things are never dull for a second. Oh, and before we forget, the writer offers up two bonus short tales that are mini gems. The hardest part of reading a Dead Jack novel is reaching the end and having to wait for more. Now that’s cruel.

[dashboarddiaries]

Dashboard Diaries is a production of Atypical Artists, hosted by Lauren Shippen (@thelaurenshippen) and Cher McAnelly (@overchers).

Our theme was composed by Lauren Shippen and mixed by Brandon Grugle. Art by Shae McMullin. Transcription by Laudable.

For bonus clips, ad-free episodes, and more, become a pal at atypicalartists.co/support.

[intro music]

Cher: Hello, Shippers! I’m Cher McAnelly, Head of Entertainment at Tumblr. And person who ships everyone, including people she knows. So far, resulting in two marriages!

Lauren: That’s pretty good. That’s impressive. 

Cher: Thank you very much. I’m pretty proud of it. You know? I hope that I ship many more people in real life. So, look ...

Lauren: If you wanna get married ...

Cher: I don’t know where I’m going with that. Look, if you wanna get married-

Lauren: Become Cher’s friend!

Cher: Maybe should we do blog-match-making? Anyone wanna?

Lauren: Oh, that’s actually a very fun idea! 

(laughter)

And ... I’m Lauren Shippen, Professional Writer, who has “shippen” in her DNA!

Cher: Ohhh ... my .... gosh!

Lauren: I had to make a shippen joke. 

Cher: Very excited about that. Wow. Can’t believe ... I didn’t even expect ... even though I’ve made that joke multiple times I was like ... 

Lauren: I don’t think I’ve ever made that joke.

Cher: ... it got me.

Lauren: So, I feel proud of myself. 

Cher: And this is Dashboard Diaries, a podcast for you – the folks who are in this internet bunker with us. We talk about what’s going on in our favorite hell site, get into what we like to call “tumbl-lore,” do fandom deep dives, and share the times when we’ve gone feral over a new ship.

Or ... in the case of today’s episode, perhaps an obscure ship, un under-rated ship, a new ship ...

Lauren: Yep, yep.

Cher: So, Lauren, how has your last month been on Tumblr since last time we chatted?

Lauren: Yeah, it’s been good. I was sort of looking through my recent likes to sort of see ... I have a sort of system in place when I’m scrolling on desktop I just immediately queue things I want to queue. But if I’m scrolling on my phone, let’s be honest, while I’m lying in bed trying to go to sleep I’ll like things and then once a week I’ll sort of go through my likes and queue everything. It’s a real system. But anyway ...

I was looking through my recent likes and 911 is coming back in March. Basically, exactly a month. And so it’s like the 911 activity on my dash has started to pick up. And its new season, new network, it’s a shorter season because of the strike. I’m very excited. There’s a huge cruise ship disaster to kick off the season. 911 is like my one network show basically at this point. I love it dearly. So, there’s been just a lot of 911 in my life on my dash recently.

Then the other thing that popped up this week was ... and I’ll be sure to re-blog this to DashboardDiaries.Tumblr.com ... was this old post of a screenshot of someone’s dashboard and the dashboard is from like two- ... when did Tumblr’s mobile app come out? 

Cher: That is a good question. I want to say 2010 but that is an arbitrary year that-

Lauren: That sounds ...

Cher: ... my brain is making up.

Lauren: I’m texting you this, because it was in my likes. But look at the glory of this. It’s a screenshot from a probably 2010 mobile dashboard. 

Cher: Yeah, 2009 on iOs in 2010 on Blackberry. 

Lauren: There you go. Oh my god, on Blackberry ... (laughter) For our younger listeners, Blackberry used to be the alternative to the iPhone basically. Or not even ... it was the alternative to a Palm Pilot. Do you remember Palm Pilot?

Cher: Yeah. A Palm Pilot or a Sidekick or Razor.

Lauren: Oh, the Sidekick. I always wanted a Sidekick so bad. Or a Razor.

Cher: I wanted one so badly. I had a Razor. I had a hot pink Razor.

Lauren: Ohh, the hot pink Razor was THE thing. Anyway, I just really feel like we’re getting into a stage with Tumblr with how old it is and for me personally with how long I’ve been on Tumblr that there’s just now even more Tumblr nostalgia sort of coming through. So, that’s been fun to sort of start off the year with – just looking at a 2010 dashboard and being like, oh my god, I don’t even recognize this dashboard configuration because I don’t think I got the mobile app for Tumblr until probably 2015. I still am in the 98% of the time a desktop user. Only really in the past two years have I become a mobile user. 

Anyway, that’s been my last month on Tumblr. What have you been up to?

Cher: I mean, first off, love that 911 is starting on shipping, too – just a different kind ...

(laughter)

Tee hee.

And then also I love that one of the things you brought up was when we launched the mobile app in the OG dashboard. Because this month is Tumblr’s birthday. So, yeah, Tumblr ... we were just chatting about this in a meeting how the date of Tumblr’s birthday seems to change every year when we get new information. Because it kind of depends on your perspective.

Lauren: Yeah, what do you count?

Cher: Was it when it first launched to a small group or to the public? Or whatever it is. So, this year we’re going with the 19th as the birthday. And so anyway, yeah, I love that. I love looking back at all the OG dashboards and stuff. Definitely a good time to be looking back.

And then for the last month on Tumblr I mean obviously with the Superb Owl happening for all of our What We Do in The Shadows fans, always a fun night on Tumblr. Because we love sports, famously. 

Lauren: Absolutely. Tumblr is a big sports place. 

Cher: Also, on the topic of ships, we came up with a ships list a couple of weeks ago. I’m going to drop it into our little chat. And I thought it would be fun to do a poll on the entertainment Tumblr to see which of the top ships is the most popular, is taking up the most mental space at the moment.

So, first-

Lauren: Fascinating.

Cher: ... in want to show you this poll. I want to make sure that what I’m linking you is the poll without the results, because I really want you to guess. I really, really want you to guess.

Lauren: Ooh. Okay, yeah.

Cher: I really want you to guess which one, because one of these ... there were 12 options. And there’s one winner that got 55%.

Lauren: Interesting. INTERESTING.

Cher: So, I really want you ... 

Lauren: That’s a real quorum. 

Cher: I know. I was shocked. Really, I’m very excited to see what you think the one that won is. For all of our listeners here, I’m going to quickly run through the ship options in the list. 

First one – Hazbin Hotel, Huskerdust

Second one – Percy Jackson, Percabeth

Third one – Good Omens, Ineffable Husbands

Fourth one – Sonic the Hedgehog, Sonadow

Fifth one – Hazbin Hotel, Chaggie

Sixth one – Satosugu, Jujutsu Kaisen

Seventh one – Hannigram 

Eighth one – One Piece, Zosan

Ninth one – Hazbin Hotel, Radioapple

And then there were three options ...

One was another ship on the full list, a ship that isn’t on the top ships list, which is of 20, and then another one that was a fleet of ships sails on the sea of my mind, I cannot choose only one. 

(laughter)

Which I was really laughing at myself for. 

Lauren: I love that.

Cher: Anyway ... which one do you think, Lauren, got that 55%?

Lauren: I mean, part of me thinks that it’s a fleet of ships sail on my mind.

(laughter)

But if we’re going off of those ships ... I mean, I think it would be Ineffable Husbands. I think that would be the winning ship of that bunch. 

Cher: Mm hmm. Yeah.

Lauren: What was it?

Cher: Surprisingly, that’s not what it is. And, oh, actually I was wrong. Actually, the winner got 58.5% of the vote.

Lauren: Oh my god.

Cher: And, oh my gosh, wait! At this moment I just realized, Lauren ... Shoot! This isn’t the ... the poll is not done. It has a day and two hours left! 

Lauren: Oh my goodness! Okay. I’m voting for Hannahgram. I’m sorry!

(laughter)

Okay, yeah, I never ever would have guessed this. So, the winning ship by an enormous margin, as you said, is Sonic and Shadow from Sonic the Hedgehog. What happened? 

Cher: I have no idea. If you look at the notes, they’re all “Sonadow supremacy, rise up”

Lauren: Sonadow sweep.

(laughter)

OH MY GOD. This is incredible. 

Cher: Tumblr continues to surprise. I love this chaotic platform. It’s amazing.

Lauren: Oh, that’s so good. Also, this is a poll and a ship list that actually brings up something about my last month on Tumblr that I forgot about. And that I would love to get your take on.

Cher: Yes?

Lauren: Which is ... what the fuck is Hazbin Hotel!? And why is it all of a sudden everywhere!?

Cher: Okay. So, Hazbin Hotel is a new Amazon MGM Studios animated series.

Lauren: Okay.

Cher: The plot of it, if I’m not mistaken, which I might be vaguely incorrect is essentially the daughter of Lucifer has opened a hotel for wayward souls to try to get into Heaven. 

Lauren: That’s fun.

Cher: So, demons and things. And so there’s obviously just a wide range of shipping happening.

Lauren: Of course.

Cher: And it really feels like it happened, like this show blew up overnight. Suddenly, Hazbin Hotel was everywhere. I haven’t had a chance to watch it yet. I need to, because obviously it’s taking over the Tumblr platform. Which is really exciting to see a brand new show with a completely ... and also Tumblr does love Hell and demons.

Lauren: It’s so true. 

Cher: It’s exciting to see it really take off, a brand new show take off on platform. I think Hazbin Hotel will be a big one for a while.

Lauren: I didn’t know that it was a show. I thought it was a dating SIM or a JRPG. I thought it was a video game for some reason. I don’t know why.

Cher: Because it really does feel like ... oftentimes we at least kind of hear about shows [crosstalk 00:10:25] before they come out and overtake the platform. Or they kind of get big later in season one or around season two. This is a show that came out ... season one I don’t think is even done with new episodes at the moment. Or it has just finished and it’s huge.

Lauren: That’s incredible. 

Cher: So, yeah, super excited to see. On the topic of Hazbin Hotel and just a lot of amazing ships and a lot of chaotic ships and everywhere in between. The ships list is 4/20 Hazbin Hotel, pretty much every week at the moment. So, our topic this week is our pitches for slept on ships. So, Lauren and I have both brought some ships today that we think really should have more of a role in the Tumblr zeitgeist or conversation. We want more fic. We want more conversation. Or any, depending on what we’re bringing. 

Lauren: Right. True.

Cher: So, Lauren, what have you brought today? Which slept on ship or fleet of ships?

Lauren: Yeah, I think we each brought three ships. I didn’t write my other two down, really, but yeah, so start off ... I’m going to start off with the newest one which is what I’m calling the Monarch Founder Polycule. And this is from the Apple TV show, Monarch: Legacy of Monsters. And just like a general sort of blanket spoiler for this show ... I’ll try to stay away from too many spoilers but in order to really describe the ship I need to get into it a little bit.

So, Monarch: Legacy of Monsters ... Have you watched this show?

Cher: I watched the first episode and I’ve seen pretty much all if not most of the other monster films leading up.

Lauren: Got you. Great.

Cher: But I haven’t gotten into this one yet. But I know kind of where it starts, the main characters, and the main monsters so far. I’m sure there are some new ones.

Lauren: There’s a monster every episode, which is awesome. So, yes. This TV show is pretty much the first TV show within the world of Godzilla that’s been built over the last couple of years through ... I’m forgetting what studio it is ... but anyway, whoever owns Godzilla currently. 

It takes place in two different timelines. There’s a 1950s timeline and a 2014 timeline. And the 1950s timeline is about the three people who found Monarch. Monarch is the company that tracks the Titans and studies them and fights against them and stuff. In the modern age they’re kind of a sketchy government organization. They’re sort of good guys, but they’re sort of not. Yeah, there’s a lot to do with Monarch. The show is obviously called Monarch: Legacy of Monsters. It’s about the legacy of Monarch and kind of the family that started it and then their next generation and the generation after that, which is the modern day.

There are a couple of ships in the show that are canon or are headed that way. Including a queer female ship in the modern day that’s really lovely and complex because of various things I won’t spoil. But I really love the three founders. 

Cher: I love that you listed them out by descriptors but not by names. So Tumblr of you, honestly.

Lauren: Yes. In my notes I said there’s one pretty blonde dude in uniform, one kickass smart hot woman, one goofy green bean. Because that’s my pitch for why Tumblr would like these people. The blonde hot guy in uniform is Lee Shaw, played by Wyatt Russell who is Kurt Russell’s real life son. And Kurt Russell plays the older version of Lee Shaw in the modern era. So, it’s very cute because it’s like his son is playing the younger version of him. It’s great.

Yeah, Keiko is the hot, smart woman. She’s the scientist that is studying these anomalies and then Lee is the person who is tasked with protecting her. He’s in the Army and I forget exactly specifically where they are but they are on an island in the Pacific. She is going out to do this study and he is kind of like literally her body guard. So, already we’re getting into good tropes, right? They’ve got sort of some flirty banter and he’s sort of the uptight Army type and she is the adventurous, “Let’s go out and do this thing.” And then they run into the goofy, green bean who is Bill Randa who is played by John Goodman in Skull Island. So, it’s like a young Bill Randa. And he is a crypto zoologist and he’s just a fucking nerd. (laughs) And kind of very Mulder, right? Believes in these really wacky things. 

The three of them end up teaming up and founding Monarch. Their dynamic is so ... the very first scene that you see with them is a few years after they founded Monarch and stuff and they’re going out to find this monster. And this is where I’m going to get into one of the big spoilers, but it does happen in the first episode. They go out and they find this monster and Keiko ends up dying. And so then it’s just the two of them left alone basically without her. But just the first scene of them in the car I’m like, oh, these three people are married. 

Kei and Bill are married actually in the show. And then Lee is their guy. And after she dies Bill and Lee basically raise her son together. And so it’s like there’s all of this ... and Kei and Lee kiss at one point. There is genuinely a real love triangle except there’s no jealousy between any of them. So, I’m like the three of you just need to be together. Then there’s a bunch of other really crazy stuff that happens. And it’s so tragic. It’s such a doomed romance for so many reasons. A classic thing of these three people had a brief period of time where they were all together and right for each other at the right time of their life. And it’s just passing ships the rest of their lives in a really heartbreaking way.

So, that is my pitch for the Monarch Founder Polycule, because it’s like these three Tumblr character types that Tumblr loves, it’s a throuple, it’s got some tragic and amazing fix-it potential, right? I want to get out and read fix-it fics where things aren’t tragic. And there’s co-parenting. There’s generational trauma. It’s just delicious. 

Cher: I mean, it checks so many boxes. I’m immediately sold on the ship. Convinced.

Lauren: What’s crazy is the show is not necessarily half and half, like the founders and the modern day. It is probably 60-70% modern day and 30-40% founders. But I want a show of us them. I love them so much, the dynamics are so good, the actors are so good together, it’s just great. Highly recommend.

Cher: We love a prequel. 

Lauren: We love a prequel. You know? We love knowing ... because also we know what happens to John Goodman in Skull Island, so we know what happens to Bill, too. And it’s like the reveal of what happens to Lee and why he is the way that he is all these years later is like so terrible and so good! So yeah, Cher, I hope you have a ship that maybe isn’t so tragic. what’s your first pitch?

Cher: So, my first pitch is a ship that I thought was completely original and no one had thought of, but why would I ever think that? This is Tumblr. It’s from Lord of the Rings, Gigolas. Which is Gimli and Legolas. I feel like this is a great ship for many reasons. First off, they’re not full on enemies, but the elves and the dwarves definitely kind of like yeah there’s some animosity there. So, there’s some enemies to lovers. There’s some opposites attract. Also, the banter. The consistent banter. They both have some of the best lines and some of the best looks in that entire film. Or series. Trilogy. More than that, whatever it is ... yeah. Books ... you know what I mean. Anyway ... 

All together I love their banter! I love their dynamic. I love their relationship. I feel like they’re meant for each other. And apparently Tumblr feels the same. Because I went and searched Legolas X Gimli and got ... found out that there are 5.4 thousand followers of the tag.

Lauren: That’s a lot!

Cher: Right?

Lauren: That’s not a little, that’s a lot!

Cher: That’s a substantial amount of people. And there was obviously some fan art, which we will re-blog. And so just all together I just love this as a ship. And I’m so glad that Tumblr felt the same. It’s still kind of obscure, I guess, because 5.4K compared to the size of some other ships. But the fact that ... it’s robust, there’s a community. 

Lauren: Oh yeah. I mean, I actually personally follow a bunch of people who are big Gigolas shippers so it’s ... the quality of the content coming from the shippers is great. 

Cher: I’m honestly surprised. I don’t know why I thought I was being so original when Lord of the Rings is so hugely popular and obviously Tumblr loves to ship side characters. You know? 

Lauren: Yeah, but I love that you were on Tumblr’s wavelength. 

Cher: You know what? You’re so right. Yeah. Right there with them. I should work there or something.

(laughter)

Anyway ... what else do you have? What other two surprise ships?

Lauren: Yeah. So, working backwards in sort of newness, one of the ships that I got really into last year that then I also got my sister really into, which always feels like a victory because she and I don’t necessarily always ship the same things. But we like a lot of the same TV shows. But I tend to I don’t know be more of an active shipper than she is. But I got her super into this ship and I feel really vindicated for that. NACE, Nancy and Ace from the CW television series, Nancy Drew, which I watched all of in a very short amount of time in the summer of last year. (laughs)

It is delightful, first of all. And has a really wonderful found family friendship dynamic between sort of the Nancy Drew crew, right? But in this modern adaptation of Nancy Drew, Nancy works at this restaurant and the dishwasher line cook guy, Ace, who she has known for a long time, but they’ve never really clicked is sort of in her orbit and then this crazy stuff happens and they end up teaming up and stuff. It’s just an amazing friends to lovers story that also has ... because of Supernatural things that happen in the show because it’s Nancy Drew but also with Supernatural elements, there’s a forbidden love aspect to it. There’s so much pining! So much pining. 

And it has that element that I love in ships which is a completely incredibly competent but slightly insane woman and the guy who is just absolutely devoted to her. (laughs) And will follow her off the edge of a cliff. 

Cher: I love that dynamic. (laughs)

Lauren: It’s so good. Have you seen any of the show? Have you heard anything about the show? There is a Tumblr fandom, but it’s very small. 

Cher: I have not seen the show. I am familiar with the show. I am familiar with the show because when I watched Riverdale, which I think I stopped maybe three or four seasons ago ... when I watched it right around the time Nancy Drew was coming out they did some crossover episodes to do some Nancy Drew promotion. 

Lauren: A-ha! Interesting.

Cher: Veronica goes into the city and gets drinks with Nancy Drew and chats. 

Lauren: Oh my god!

Cher: So, that’s what I know. I’m also obviously super familiar with the Nancy Drew ... I read the Nancy Drew books growing up. 

Lauren: Same.

Cher: Subject matter is super familiar. I was not aware that they introduced Supernatural elements, but knowing what I know of Riversdale I’m not surprised that they are the same universe. So ...

Lauren: It doesn’t go quite as crazy as Riverdale goes. (laughter) 

Cher: I mean I feel like I need to watch-

Lauren: ... but nothing could.

Cher: ... the final season just to really fully comprehend it. Because I’ve heard so much but also feel like I can imagine it so little because it’s so wild. I stopped around the baby levitating time.

Lauren: Same! That’s about when I stopped, too. Yeah. 

Cher: I was like okay ... 

Lauren: All right .... 

Cher: Um, I don’t ... But apparently it ends with a lot more ... everyone’s different supernatural creatures and they’re in a polycule?

Lauren: Yeah. And I remember seeing a post once that was like, “I can’t believe this season of Riverdale ended with them sacrificing Archie in the woods and cutting his heart out.” And I was like, ha ha, funny post. But I am curious to look it up. Then I was like, oh no, this is real! That’s something they did. They cut out Archie’s heart in the forest. Okay.

Cher: Okay. 

Lauren: He gets better!

Cher: Of course he does. He gets better. With heartburn, amiright?

Lauren: Tee hee.

Cher: I really now want to go through Riverdale text posts and see which ones are-

Lauren: Just shitpost and which ones are ...

Cher: ... shitposts and which ones aren’t. I just feel like that’s just ... it’s got to be really challenging.

Lauren: Yeah. Oh, that could be a fun quiz for us.

Cher: That would be a really fun quiz. I mean, it would also be super easy to do just via re-blogs because you could just re-add a poll in the re-blog and say true or false. 

Lauren: That’s true. Oh great idea. I love that.

Cher: That would be a fun little thing.

Lauren: All right, what next ship do you have for me?

Cher: Okay. Up next, I have a ship that I searched and I do actually think it is obscure. And it’s a new ... we’re doing an answer time for the new Avatar: The Last Airbender. The Netflix live action series that is coming out on the 22nd. And so because of that I’ve been doing a lot of preparing, a lot of watching to prep for the interview. And so my ship is an Avatar: The Last Airbender ship. I came up with two names for it. Either Mopa or Apomo? 

It’s Appa and Momo. If you aren’t familiar with Avatar: The Last Airbender as a story and who these characters are ... first off, Avatar: The Last Airbender TLDR there are four nations in this world. Each nation is kind of centered around an element: earth, air, fire, water. In these nations there are people who have powers to bend those elements. They’re called airbenders, waterbenders, etc. In this world, an avatar is born and re-born into one of these nations pretty much on a consistent loop. There’s always an avatar and they’re always kind of coming. They’re the ones who can master all four of the elements. 

So, Avatar: The Last Airbender is the story of the last airbender who is also the avatar and essentially it’s their journey because they’re obviously being chased for being the avatar. It’s very kind of reminiscent I feel like of Circle of Time, Wheel of Time. 

Lauren: Oh yeah!

Cher: There’s a lot of alignments I’m seeing as I’m talking about this. 

Lauren: I totally see that.

Cher: There are some interesting aligned components there. Very chosen one centered story. I’m really enjoying ... no wonder that it’s huge on Tumblr. Started as an anime, it was a Nickelodeon show, they made a film years ago and ... they think people had notes ... and now there’s a Netflix live action series coming out.

So, anyway, Oppa and Momo are two of the animal sidekicks in Avatar. 

Lauren: Amazing!

Cher: So, Oppa is this giant kind of flying fuzzy creature that is the avatar’s best friend and little animal sidekick. I feel like it’s a flying water buffalo would be a good way to describe it maybe. Or one of those fluffy cows. But it has six legs. So, it’s huge. So, Oppa and then Momo is a little creature/spirit that kind of has really big ears that it can fly around with and it’s a tiny little guy that you can fit into your little bag. They’re friends and they’re cute little sidekicks and I just feel like opposites attract in terms of one being really big and one being really small. But they’re still fuzzy cute little guys who fly around and they’re always around each other. So, why not? 

My biggest pitch here is, look, Donkey and Dragon from Shrek vibes. 

Lauren: That’s a very strong pitch.

Cher: Need I say more? And what’s your final ship, Lauren?

Lauren: I love that. I did not see an animal sidekick ship coming. I think that definitely counts for most obscure. I think that’s awesome. 

Cher: Thank you very much. I try.

Lauren: We need more of that. 

Cher: We should also do a quiz on the Dashboard Diaries Tumblr with each of the ships that we pitch on this episode!

Lauren: Yes. That’s a perfect idea. I love that. So, my final ship is ... I think definitely, yeah, the most obscure in some ways, simply because I think, yeah, the show is subtitled which we talked about before and also I’m at the point with this particular ship where I feel like I actually have re-blogged every single post about them that exists on Tumblr. We’re kind of at that threshold, so a thank you to the people who have made gif sets of these two. 

Cher: So, you’re like, please, can we expand?

Lauren: Can we please expand? Exactly! That’s actually a perfect segue into The Expanse which is the show that I’m talking about. 

Cher: I did not even realize! Ohhhh!

Lauren: Let’s expand The Expanse, right?

Cher: Tee hee.

Lauren: Tee hee. So, yeah. You guys have heard me talk about The Expanse before. I think we are going to do a pitch each other shows that Tumblr should love. So, I’m not going to get too far into the show. It is a sci fi, in space, Amazon series that ran for five seasons I want to say, five or six seasons, I’m forgetting exactly how much. And one of the central characters in it is a character named Amos Burton. I’m just going to read this post that I’ll make sure to re-blog that I think just perfectly encapsulates who he is and why Tumblr should love him.

So, this is from SpursThatJingleJangleJingle, which is a great Tumblr name. Thank you. And it reads, “Amos Burton is what everyone wants their big, buff military men to be, tbh. He knows how to walk in heels. He’s deeply and unapologetically violent. He’s good with kids. He finds people he trusts and sticks next to them like their lapdog pit bull that’s ready to tear out throats on a moment’s notice. He’s a mama’s boy. His sexuality is ‘I ain’t reading all those labels,’ ‘good for you,’ or ‘I’m sorry that happened.’ He’s drawn to found family sisters like a moth to flame. Whenever he is treated with genuine kindness he looks like a deer in headlights. He’s great.” 

That just perfectly describes Amos. (laughs)

Cher: Absolutely. I love that. I love the juxtaposition of all of those descriptors. Amazing.

Lauren: He’s incredible. Orphaned, former sex worker, turned mechanic / muscle of what are essentially fugitive group for the first couple of seasons that then become the most important people in the universe. And his whole story line is about him regaining a lot of the humanity that he lost in his childhood and in his very tragic back-story. And yeah, even the creators of The Expanse have said that his sexuality is just “yes.” He’s just that guy. 

His best friend in the whole world, that is once again textual, he calls him his “best friend in the whole world,” is Prax Meng who is a guy that they sort of pick up after there’s this attack on the planet Ganymede. Prax is a botanist. In the collapse of Ganymede he loses track of his daughter and then the crew of the Rocinante, the sort of main crew, helps him find his daughter.

Prax, he’s not equipped for this crazy life in space. He is plant guy who is a single dad. And he just is thrown into this world of aliens and war and this crazy stuff. And Amos is the guy who teaches him kind of how to take care of himself and protects him. And there is an amazing moment when ... Amos has a thing about kids because of the way that he grew up where he’s like absurdly protective of children. And so when they’re looking for Prax’s daughter he ends up almost beating this guy to death who they think has information. And Prax is the only one of the group to actually stop him successfully. It’s just so ... and there’s a whole thing when they actually find Prax’s daughter that if I speak ... it’s such a great sort of gentle and tough guy ship. And just found family. Adoptive parent type of situation. The way that he is with Nay, the daughter, is so sweet. 

Yeah, there’s just something about Prax who is so protective of his daughter who also has this genetic illness, who just immediately trusts Amos with her, it absolutely shatters my heart. I love it so much! It’s so good.

Cher: Please, people. 

Lauren: Please. Post more [crosstalk 00:32:12]

Cher: My last ship is from What We Do In The Shadows. I have been calling it the Guide Robinson. It is Collin Robinson and the Guide. If you are listening and are not familiar with What We Do In The Shadows and the individual characters and their personalities, Collin Robinson is an energy vampire. So, he sucks the energy out of people like as his vibe. Very Dwight in The Office coded I would say in a lot of ways, with less personality or maybe more of a flat personality. 

Then the Guide played by Christian Shaw is this centuries old vampire with mystical powers who has a lot of power in the What We Do In The Shadows universe or in the vampire world, technically. But no one listens to her. And she’s just kind of very awkward and has trouble making friends and really wants to fit in but struggles with it. And I just think that Collin Robinson and the Guide would balance each other out in a lot of special ways. And I don’t know, I think they might be meant for each other. I think this is something that maybe ... I don’t know if it’s been considered at all, but I’m very ... honestly, the more I’m talking about it, the more I am very pro this.

Collin The Guide Robinson. 

Lauren: I love it.

Cher: Also very proud of the ship name.

Lauren: It’s a good ship name. It sounds like its own sort of thing. It’s very cool. I love that. I do love that it’s ... there are those ships where it’s just like, it’s just instinctual. These people just belong together, and I can’t ... there’s not more that you need, right? It’s just that good instinct. 

Cher: I always forget ... do you watch What We Do In The Shadows?

Lauren: You know, I haven’t yet. I need to. 

Cher: Okay. I feel like this is the show I’m going to have to pitch to you. Because oh my god, I love it. It’s so good. 

Lauren: I love that.

Cher: You would love it. 

Lauren: Yeah, I’m sure I would. I just for some reason haven’t gotten around to it. I don’t know why. 

Cher: Well, it’s so exciting that you get to see it for the first time whenever you do. 

Lauren: That’s true. That is always such a delight. 

Cher: So much fun talking about ships. Love it. I feel like ships really are the ... gosh, I was trying to think of a ship related pun. They sail through the dashboard, I don’t know ... 

Lauren: Ships are really the wind beneath our sails.

Cher: Thank you!

Lauren: As art consumers. 

Cher: Oh my gosh. Lauren! What would I do without you? Thank you so much. Anyway ... 

[guitar riff]

Onto our next segment, Dashboard Confessionals. Where we take a look into our archives and see what we were posting about this time however many years ago. So, what do you have for us this week, Lauren?

Lauren: Yeah, so on February 13th, 2015 ... so nine years ago! Good lord. This is just a classic Tumblr post that made me smile. It’s just a photo of Lenny Kravitz wearing an absolutely fucking enormous scarf. (laughs) It’s just ... I don’t know the origin of this photo, because I assume that it’s photoshopped. I’m fairly certain that it’s a fake photo of Lenny Kravitz wearing a huge scarf. I don’t know why. I don’t know what spurred MySharona1987 to make this post. But I do love it. (laughs) 

Cher: But we do thank you.

Lauren: Yes. We do thank you. Thank you for your work. Yeah, a very simple and silly one this week. What about you? What’s in your archives?

Cher: Love it. So, in typical me fashion couldn’t pick just one. So, I picked two. The first one is from February 19, 2017. It’s a post that David Carp, the Founder of Tumblr, posted in Slack. And he just tagged himself in Slack and said @David. And then everyone responded to David tagging himself with the emoji of himself. And then I posted it on Tumblr tagging @David’s Tumblr.

Lauren: That’s very good.

Cher: David did this because it was a bit or a thing to do in the Tumblr full team Slack when David was CEO to put in the @channel @David to tag everyone in the company and then tag the CEO. A few people would do this. It did eventually ... HR was eventually like, “You can’t ...”

Lauren: You have to stop.

Cher: You can’t, you need to stop doing this. But yeah. Before we were fairly and validly stopped from notifying the entire company and its founder and CEO on a regular basis for no reason, David did post @David in the Slack and it was a big day. It was an exciting day for everyone involved.

Lauren: Incredible. I love it.

Cher: Yeah. The other one is really short and sweet, self explanatory. It is my yearbook photo from 2005. (laughs)

Lauren: Look at you! You’re so cute! 

Cher: I am wearing a navy blue flowery polo shirt and a navy blue pooka shell necklace to really accentuate the polo shirt. And of course it’s [crosstalk 00:37:31]

Lauren: A perfect 2005 outfit. Absolutely impeccable. 

Cher: Definitely from Limited Too. 

Lauren: Yes! Yes! That’s amazing. 

Cher: With that, what has you in your feels this week, Lauren?

[gentle music]

Lauren: So, this weekend I did something that I haven’t done in a really long time which is on Sunday I started this book and I’m going to get the pronunciation of the title wrong. I actually don’t know how it is pronounced but Piranesi by Susanna Clarke who is most known for writing Jonathan Strange & MR Norrell. Which is a book that I love. And she has written three books. It’s like Jonathan Strange, The Ladies of Grace Adieu, and this book. And this has been on my “to be read” for four years, since it came out in 2020, since I loved her first two books so much. And I read it. I started it a couple of days ago and then on Sunday, this is Monday as we’re recording this, I just sat down and spent most of the morning and afternoon reading the rest of this book. It wasn’t a particularly long book. And it was just ... it’s been a while since I’ve had that experience of reading a book where you’re just so sucked into it. Then I get to the last line and I just instantly burst into tears. And it was just like, I don’t know, it really ... I’ve been in a little bit of a reading rut for a while. I would say most of what I’ve read in the last 18 months has been nonfiction books, romance novels, and Star Wars books. (laughs)

All of those things are great but there’s something about sitting down with a completely original sort of story that you have no idea where it’s going. Even if it is an original romance, I know kind of what the end goal is. Right? But yeah, it really got me in my feels because it sort of reminded me of the magic of reading.

What about you? What has you in your feels?

Cher: I just started watching the new Amazon MGM Studio series, Mr. & Mrs. Smith. That’s with Maya Erskine and Donald Glover. I am loving it. I think it’s really fun and cute. And I’m shipping them super hard. And I really like them both as individuals. And so I’m really excited about having a new show, a brand new show that I am excited about and watching. So, yeah, that has me in my feels. 

Lauren: That show is definitely next on my list. It looks so fun. I love both of those actors so much. That’s great.

Cher: It’s fun, it’s cute. Definitely a bi panic show overall. Really enjoying it. We love those. It’s most shows as it turns out. 

Lauren: That’s true. Yeah.

Cher: Attractive characters.

Lauren: Which is most shows. 

Cher: Which is most shows. They don’t have to be attractive because it’s in the eye of the beholder. 

Lauren: That’s so true.

Cher: You know what I mean?

Lauren: Yeah. 

Cher: Anyway ... So, yeah. Most shows, it’s just most shows. 

Lauren: We don’t need an excuse to have bi panic. 

Cher: It’s just everything. And also I wanted to quickly before we close, I feel like I bring up this post all the time. And so I just wanted to mention it because it’s a Lord of the Rings post. I feel like when we did Dashboard Confessional last week I read a text post that reads from homosexuals having tea, which it turns out I’ve used as my dashboard confessional twice in a row. The text post says, “Love that one scene in Return of the King that’s like bad news, Sauron knows everything, good news, Pippin knows absolutely fuck all.” 

Lauren: It’s so good.

Cher: And someone made it into a gif set. And I was really excited to see that on my dashboard. And so thank you @RemusJohnSlupin. That’s the username. For making that work of art. So, that also has me in my feels – excited to see this text post that I continue to re-blog for years. Still have new life.

Lauren: It hits every time. 

Cher: It hits every time. 

Lauren: I love that.

Cher: Thank you, yet again. Completed my thoughts. What would I do without you? Anyway ... with that ... we fanic, we fixate, we complete each other’s sentences. 

Lauren: I love that.

Cher: I’m Cher McAnelly and you can find me at OverChers.Tumblr.com. 

Lauren: And I’m Lauren Shippen, and you can find me at TheLaurenShippen.Tumblr.com.

Cher: This has been Dashboard Diaries. And ... 

[outtro music]

Lauren: May your anons always be loving.

Cher: Your dash always refreshed.

Lauren: Your gifs always be loading.

Cher: And your ships always canon.

Lauren: May the fics you’re reading always be finished.

Cher: And the answers you seek always in the re-blogs.Lauren: Thanks for scrolling with us!

Shipping is a vital part of fandom culture and, let's be real, the central pillar of Tumblr's religion. This month, Cher and Lauren bring lesser loved ships to the table and pitch Tumblr users on why it's going to be their next fandom fixation.

Credits and transcript in our reblog. You can find transcripts for this, and every other episode, here.

Find the posts discussed in this episode in this tag!

[loveaffaire]

Listen to me… dad’s friend!Bucky + reader

Bonus points if Steve is the father of the reader jensjsks

Almost Caught

Pairing: Dad’s bestfriend!Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings/tags: mentions of sex, making out, slight hair pulling, pet names (doll), age gap (reader is 21 and Bucky is… 106), Steve cameo<3, reader calls Steve ‘daddy’ but in a normal father way, obviously🧍🏻‍♀️& credits to The Amazing Spider-Man for the cocoa scene (so TASM spoilers? lol)— 18+ (MINORS DNI)

Word Count: 1.3k

A/N: y’all wild, Steve is gonna beat the shit out of his old pal, Buck, if he ever found out🤠

🤍Written for my 1k sleepover🤍

You were laying on your bed and scrolling through social media when you heard your window glass sliding up, your head shot up and there he was, Bucky.

“Fuck” Bucky whispered, almost breaking the vase on your study table as he practically crawled through your window and fell on the hard floor of your room.

You giggled, eyes quickly checking for the lock on your door and making sure it was locked.

“Bucky!” You gushed, getting off the bed and walking to where Bucky was still sitting on the floor, brushing his jeans off.

“You need to tell Steve that you need a bigger, wider window” he said, slightly pouting.

“And tell him what?” You rolled your eyes, “Dad, your best friend sneaks into my room every night and it’s tough for him to get through my small window, can we please get a wider window?”

He smiled, any sign of distress leaving his face when his eyes landed on your face, “shut up”

He stood up, his 6'0" figure hovering over you as he looked down at you with a glint in his blue eyes, “come here, give me a kiss”

You instantly stood on your tiptoes to reach his lips, your lips softly pressed to his as he pulled your body closer.

You were 13 years old when you were sent to a boarding school far away from school, your parents, Steve and Natasha were too busy being Captain America and Black Widow for the country to keep you around. You were safer in the boarding school, anyway.

When you returned 5 years later, now 18 years old, you only saw Bucky once on a weekend for an Avengers get-together and then you were off to college. Three years there and then you were back home, taking a gap year for various internship opportunities.

That’s when you bumped into Bucky. Even though he's been staying in the Avengers’ compound for years, he only ever hung out with your parents or Sam or spent most of his time reading. So when you had found him in the library one day, a conversation was sparked up and since then, you were inseparable.

He was always around you, you were always around him and one day, when he got you alone in the middle of the large bookshelves in the library, he had kissed you and you happily kissed him back.

The guilt ate away at Bucky for a good few weeks, the thought of doing this to Steve made Bucky feel disgusted with himself, but every time his eyes landed on you, he couldn’t help feeling like a lovesick little boy.

So here you stood, in your bedroom, 3 months later with Bucky holding you against him with his lips on yours. It was wrong but it just didn’t feel like it, sure you had to hide from everyone but that’s what made it even more exciting.

The innocent kiss turned into something a bit more steamy as he roughly pulled you up, easily picking you up by the back of your thighs and placing you on your study table. The second he pushed between your legs with a little force, a whimper left your mouth and just then, there was a knock on your door.

“Y/N?”

You froze when you heard your father’s voice, gripping Bucky’s henley in your hands with wide eyes but as soon as you came to your senses, you quickly pushed on his shoulders and reached for the door and Bucky quickly duked down behind the loveseat.

“Honey, do you want some cocoa, mom’s making some cocoa!”

You opened the door, just enough to stick your head out. Your breath was shaky, chest heaving up and down, “no, dad, I do not want cocoa, honestly I’m 21 years old”

You father looked at you confused but the frown on his face turned into a smirk as he said, “okay, I just thought I remember somebody saying last week that her fantasy was to live in a chocolate house”

You heard a soft snicker from inside your room and your eyebrows shot up, “well, that’s impractical” you shut the door but opened it again, “and fattening,” you shut the door again.

You turned back and saw Bucky with his chin resting on the top of the loveseat, “chocolate house?” he joked, tilting his head to the side.

You rolled your eyes as you opened the door and saw your father standing there with a frown on his face once again, “sorry dad”

“It’s okay I—”

“I can’t have um cocoa right now, I’m- I’m working, I’m doing this, I’m- I have cramps!”

“Oh”

“Yes, I feel pukey and emotional, I’ve been crying—”

“Alright that’s—”

“It’s gross, I can’t have cocoa,” you gulped.

“Good good” your father shook his head, looking at the wall behind you.

“It’s brutal, you don’t wanna know” you whispered, making a gagging expression.

“Got it, that’s- I got it” your father nodded, turning around, he threw a thumbs up in the air.

“Thanks, daddy” you yelled out, shutting your door and locking it.

You rested your forehead on the door and sighed. Bucky sneaked up behind you and softly grabbed you by the waist, he kissed your exposed skin on your shoulder, his lips were warm on your skin.

“He could have caught you,” you whispered, moving away from him.

Bucky grasped your wrist, pulling you back to him and you stumbled back on his hard chest, “but he didn’t”

He leaned in, attaching his lips to yours, he softly tugged on your hair and you whimpered. As your lips fell open, he was quick to sneak his tongue inside your mouth and you moaned against his lips.

“Bucky, wait” you pulled away, shaking your head at him, “you should leave because what if dad becomes like- I don’t know- suspicious”

“But I don’t want to leave” Bucky whined like a little kid as he tugged on the hem of your tank top.

“He’ll kill you if he finds you here” you rolled your eyes at him, falling back on the bed.

“Did you know back in our days, Steve opposed 117 nations to protect me?” Bucky smirked, “he’s not gonna hurt me”

He crawled on top of you, resting his hands on either side of your shoulders. You’ve heard about the incident that broke up the Avengers a million times, Tony and your dad never stopped joking about it at the get-togethers.

“Well, back in your days, you weren’t fucking his daughter” you smirked, your eyes squinting at him.

“I haven’t fucked you” he whispered, “yet”

“It’s only been 3 months, I’ll make you wait a little more” you said, your voice smug.

“Well, I’ve still been to places… your places” he said, his voice low and filled with lust, “do you remember that time I tasted you? My pretty doll tasted so good for me—”

You pulled yourself up on your elbows, pecking his lips and shushing him. Not wanting him to see you so flushed, you rolled over with him under you now and your lips landed on his neck, you were quick to leave a pretty lovebite on him.

As you continued your work on his neck, with his head thrown back and soft moans falling out of his lips, you felt his bulge pressing between your thighs. He gripped your hips and lifted himself off the bed, desperately trying to feel you against him.

“Okay” you huffed and sat on his lap, you teased him by pushing a little harder on his bulge, “that’s enough waiting”

He quickly nodded, “3 months is a lot of waiting, yeah” his voice was shaky, neck red from the heat creeping up to his face.

“You wanna fuck me?” you whispered, nudging your face closer to his as he sat up with you still on his lap.

“So badly, doll” he said, resting his hands on your waist.

“Get to it then” you softly giggled, getting off his lap and crawling up on the bed.

You rested your back against the headboard and you removed your cotton shorts, spreading your legs wide open for Bucky to see the dampened spot on your underwear. As he looked at your face twisting in pleasure when you softly brushed your fingers over your clothed cunt, he was sure he was going to devour you tonight. He was going to absolutely wreck you.

I had to leave it at that, whatever happened after that was wild and they broke the bed so yeah🤠