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veronicaphoenix · 9 months ago

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Title: Into the Abyss of Bad Habits — Part Three | Words: 10k

Tags & trigger warnings: unresolved to resolved feelings, polyamorous relationship, angst to fluff and comfort, mentions of anxiety, sexual content, including threesome, p in v (protected), oral sex (both receiving), overstimulation, edge play, slight bondage, blindfolding, mentions of spankings, double penetration. (Let me know if I'm missing sth).

Author’s note: here it finally goes :) this is for you all. Thank you for reading and sharing your reactions 💕

INTO THE ABYSS OF BAD HABITS — PART THREE

“Where are you?” My brother’s voice reached my ears through the phone line.

I stopped the absent-minded tracing of letter on the surface of my Costa Coffee cup and furrowed my brow. “What do you mean, ‘where am I’? I’m in England. I told you I’d be here until—”

“I know you’re in England, smartass,” he retorted. He was likely in his office, settling into his morning routine in Los Angeles, while it was mid-afternoon in the UK. “I mean, where exactly? I got a call from Noah twenty minutes ago. He’s freaking out because you’re nowhere to be found and you’re not answering his calls or messages.”

“Oh.”

Noah had indeed tried reaching me several times since morning, calling and texting and then joining the iMessage group where Oliver had also added his fair dose of worried and then angry messages. I should have said something, I realized now, at least to reassure them that nothing had happened —besides getting fucked by both of them and feeling very sore—.

The memories from last night flooded back and I tightened my grip on the cup of hot chocolate, tuning out the noise of the people around me.

When I left the hotel that morning, I walked far from it hoping a change of scenery might clear my head and provide some clarity on what I’d done and its implications for my relationships with Noah and Oliver. But even after skipping lunch for a coffee at Starbucks, then trying my luck with a hot chocolate at Costa, nothing seemed to help.

I was doomed, and my brother’s call was the last thing I needed.

Jack called my name repeatedly until he had to raise his voice, pulling me from my thoughts. “Are you there? What’s going on?”

“Yeah, I’m here. I’m—I’m just in a café. I was feeling suffocated with all the coming and going between hotels and venues, bus rides and all the work and…”

“Did something happen?”

“No,” I replied too quickly, knowing he’d detect the evasion.

I could almost envision his raised eyebrow on the other end of the line.

“You slept with him again, didn’t you?”

“Jack, that’s none of your business.”

“I know, but you’re my sister and your well-being is, in fact, my business. I know something is up by the way Noah was speaking, and there was some Brit losing his mind in the background, too. What is this all about?”

“Jack, trust me, you don’t want to know.”

There was a silence coming from his side and my cheeks started burning. I glanced around nervously, feeling as thought every eye in the café was on me.

Jack’s sigh reached my end.

“Listen, baby sis, whatever you’ve done, you need to fix it. This situation with Noah has been going on long enough, and you two are lying to each other,” he acknowledged. “If there’s a third party involved… Well, I don’t know. That’s your business but sort it out. Don’t bury your head in the sand. That’s not like you. You’ve always been the one preaching all that shit about talking about your feelings and communication being so important. Don’t shy away from it now. Whatever it is, I’m sure it can be fixed, and don’t be afraid of what might happen. You know you can always call me, whenever.”

I was the one rising an eyebrow now.

“How much has Noah told you?”

Jack chuckled.

“Just talk to them.”

Oh.

There it was again.

Them.

I wondered if leaving had been a mistake, after all.

Not long after my conversation with Jack, I returned to the hotel.

As I stepped into the room, I was met with a potent blend of sex and masculinity that engulfed my senses.

The bed was still unmade, a reminder of the recent sinful activities. I noticed the ‘do not disturb’ sign still hanging outside the door and decided to leave it be, my fingers tingling with the weight of my growing anxiety.

Every time I looked towards the tousled sheets, vivid and colorful memories flooded my mind. I could see myself on top of Oliver, Noah behind me, the three of us drowning in a sea of collective groans, screams, and wails of pleasure.

I could also see their slumbering forms occupying each side of the bed.

To divert my mind, I looked for something else to do. I needed to sort out my things, indulge in a hot shower, maybe eat something or have another coffee. Instead, my eyes fell upon the lingerie set, neatly folded, and placed on the desk next to the TV remote.

Which one of them took the time to gather the garments from the floor and fold them so meticulously?

My heart fluttered at the tender gesture, adding another drop of confusion to my ongoing crisis.

I made a beeline for the shower. Noah’s and Oliver’s scent still lingered on my skin, and the love bites and hickeys wouldn’t leave me for a few days. I had no other choice but take my brother’s advice and pull myself together.

After a grueling day spent replaying the events of the previous night and a near-anxiety attack in the confines of my hotel bathroom, I decided I had to talk to them. Hiding and pretending none of it had happened would only lead to further complications and would strain my relationship with Noah and Oliver to the point of ruining everything. I couldn’t afford to let it fester and seep into their professional lives. I would not let that happen.

An hour slipped away while I debated when it would be the best time to approach them.

Should I text them? Send a message on the iMessage group? Or should I just talk to them face to face? To one of them first or to both at the same time?

By the time I resolved that this was something that needed to be talked to face to face and I gathered the courage to admit my mistake, evening had descended, and everybody was already at the venue where the bands were playing that night.

I was still unsure of where this would go. I’d had the entire day to think about my feelings and, well, I was still a mess. The only certainty I held onto was that I didn’t want to lose any of them, so I was willing to do whatever they said, whether it was keeping everything in professional terms, remain friends, or…

Taking a deep breath, I watched as the Nicks and Jolly descended from the stage, their faces beaming with sweat and satisfaction. Jolly squeezed my shoulder as he passed by. In return I sent a faint smile his way.

Moments later, Noah appeared, descending the metal steps clad in black pants and a tank top. His eyes briefly widened as he caught sight of me. He paused, the towel in his hand frozen mid-motion as he registered my presence. Then, without a word, he continued past me, following the same path as the rest of the band.

“Noah,” I called out, a tinge of desperation in my voice. But amidst the hustle and bustle of the stage preparation for BMTH, my plea seemed to fall on deaf ears.

Noah stopped, half-turning towards me. His gaze was cold, and he was angry. That much I could tell.

I couldn’t fuck it up anymore, so the last thing left for me to do was to be honest.

“I got scared,” I said, the words catching in my throat.

“Scared?” He echoed, his tone sharp.

If I nodded, it was lost on me because his dark, penetrating gaze made me freeze on the spot, and when he drew nearer, my heart thundered in my chest.

“No, you don’t get to tell me that you got scared,” he retorted, barely inches away from me, his voice low and intense. His scent enveloped me: he smelled just the same as last night, except for the missing addition of my own sweat and the magical residual scent of sex.

I wanted him again. I wanted him covered in sweat from the heat of our intimacy, of our entwined bodies.

He towered over me, his presence overwhelming, making me feel tiny and inconsequential.

“I was the one scared,” he admitted, his voice laced with pain and fury. “I was scared every time I fucked you in my bed and I found you looking at me with those beautiful fucking eyes. I was scared because I knew I was falling in hard. I was terrified,” he emphasized, the last word dripping with raw emotion. “Then you slept with Oliver. When I got to know, I was on the verge of nightmares. I was terrified at the thought that I might have lost you. Then you told me all those things, and yet, I decided to give you what you wanted even though it scared the shit out of me. It scared me to hell to think of what it would do to me —to us— if we crossed that line with Oliver. And yet again, we did. And then this morning you were gone. You were not there by my side when you made me promise not to leave. So no, you don’t get to tell me you were scared after you got fucked by two men who fucking adore you!”

My throat constricted, tears threatening to spill from my eyes.

Instinctively, my hand reached out towards him, but Noah recoiled, stepping back with a shake of his head. Not a single strand of hair moved from its place on his forehead due to the layer of sweat covering every inch of this tall, muscular frame.

“You wanted honesty? There it is,” he continued, this time his voice low and composed. He dropped the towel to the floor, as if he was… giving up. “You were right to demand that from me, but you should have done the same in return.”

And yet, I had left him before the sun rose, just as he did with me in that moment, stepping back with his brown eyes locked on mine until he couldn’t stand my gaze any longer and he turned away, rushing out the corner and disappearing from my sight.

I realized then the severity of my actions. It had taken me years to get Noah to open up, and just when I had managed to get him to, to unwrap another layer of him, I had turned my back on him.

He had all the right to be furious, to hate me, to never want to see me again.

I just didn’t think I could take it because, with each passing second, my feelings for him were becoming clearer. What I had been feeling for months was more than just platonic adoration.

Waves of anxiety engulfed me. Some of the staff members, having caught up in the intense exchange, cast various glances my way as I stood there alone, drowning in my own misery. Some of their looks were pitiful, others were dripping with disgust.

With a dry throat and some tears streaming down my cheeks, I hid in the nearest restroom and in a feeble attempt to regain my composure. I told myself that there was a way to get Noah back, that we could be mended and we could move past this.

But another voice in my head told me that I had fucked up beyond repair; that I hadn’t just fucked up a wonderful relationship with two wonderful men; I had also hurt them, and that knowledge tore my insides apart.

I didn’t recognize myself.

Why had I acted the way I did? Why hadn’t I stayed?

I had always been the one to push others to improve their communication skills. I hated unresolved tension and not having a clear idea of what I felt and what others felt around me. It was something that consistently plunged me into anxiety, so why had I chosen this path?

Desperation seized me.

Fifteen minutes later, after washing my face and trying to move the hair away from my face, I headed to the green room.

Though greeted with nods and briefs hugs from the people crowding the room, my focus was on one individual.

My stomach knotted at the sight of Oliver’s eyes on me, the look on his green orbs not much distant from the one Noah had had mere moments ago. Swallowing hard, I walked to him, ignoring some lighthearted joke Mat attempted to engage me in. He must have sensed my unease, not from my lack of response, but from the weight of Oliver’s stare as he stood in my path.

His bandmates had known him for than I did, and it was clear that they knew when to shut their mouths and redirect their gazes away.

Perhaps I should have felt terrified, but terrified had led me to ruin one of the best nights of my life, so no, I wouldn’t let it happen again.

“Can I talk to you for a minute?”

I would need more than a minute to say everything I wanted to say, though.

Instead of replying, he eyed me for two seconds, twirling the Red Bull can in his hand before addressing the room at large.

“Guys, can you give us some privacy?”

In another circumstance, I might have felt embarrassed by the sudden attention, knowing that everyone present was likely speculating about why Oliver wanted to be alone with me in the green room and we both had those long faces on. However, after the events of last night, I found myself beyond the capacity for embarrassment.

“We’re going on stage in ten minutes,” Lee interjected. I could feel his gaze boring into my back while he sent a warning directed at Oliver.

“Got it,” Oliver replied, his tone firm.

It took the others a full minute to gather their stuff and vacate the room, some muttering under their breath as they left.

Taking a deep breath, I met Oliver’s gaze head-on, steeling myself.

“I fucked up," I began, watching him closely for his reaction. The weight of my words sank in as I tried to get my shit together after my failed attempt at sorting things out with Noah earlier.

I waited for his reply with my nerves eating me alive.

“You fucked up by having sex with me and Noah or by leaving in the morning?”

“By leaving in the morning. I should have stayed. I just… I panicked.”

Oliver narrowed his green eyes at me, a mix of frustration and something else flickering across his face.

“I can understand that,” he conceded, his tone softening slightly, “but then you bailed on us and disappeared the entire day. What are we supposed to think?”

Standing up straight, he moved away from the cheap white IKEA table he had been leaning on, circling me before disposing of the can in a nearby black bin.

Yeah, I should've stayed and talked to them instead of running away, but what was done, was done. Now I had to find a way to fix it on my own.

“Noah doesn’t want to talk to me," I said, feeling like a whiny little girl for being denied a lollipop.

“I’m not sure I want to talk to you either,” Oliver replied bluntly. His words hit me like a punch to the gut. My panic momentarily increased until he continued talking. "I’m torn between that or bending you over that table and fucking you hard and fast after giving you a good spanking.”

I froze for a beat, my cheeks flaming. Closing my eyes, I dropped my shoulders and released the air I’d been holding.

“I don’t need that right now. I need to talk to you and Noah before I make it worse.”

“Yes, obviously. This is not going to work if there’s no communication”

This.

I bit my lip, only to get chided by Oliver. “Don’t do that. You’ll bruise yourself.”

“I know time is not on our side now,” I continued, “but is there anywhere we can meet to… talk? The three of us?”

Oliver hummed in thought.

“Considering we need to hop on the tour bus early tomorrow, I suggest you get some good sleep tonight and we talk when we reach the hotel in London after lunch.”

I nodded again. I was defeated, so I would just do whatever they said. I just wanted to fix things.

With my eyes on the floor, I startled when I felt Oliver’s fingers on my cheek. He was eyeing me from under his eyelashes, a tiny furrow between his eyebrows.

“Are you sure you just want to talk?”

How could I tell him that every fiber of my body was screaming to be touched again by both their hands, by their fingers, their mouths…?

Maybe I didn’t need to. Soon enough, he was smirking knowingly, and he pulled gently at my lower lip with his thumb.

“That’s what I thought. But I’m not touching you again until you’re honest with me and Noah, so take the time you need to think. Whatever it is, I’ll respect your decision.”

“Will you?” I couldn’t help but ask, uncertainty coloring my tone.

It took him a moment to respond.

“Hell, no. You think you’re the only one terrified, doll?” he countered with a tilt of his head. “That makes threeof us. I’ve been thinking about you since before I knew you were coming to Europe with Noah and the band. I just assumed that whatever you had with Noah was restricted to the two of you even if you weren’t dating. But then you came back and you reached me with that pretty smile and you shared so much of yourself with me… and then, to make it worse, you let me touch you… and I knew I was doomed because I’d never get enough of you.”

“Oliver, I—” I began, my voice shaking, my vision getting blurry.

“No crying, come on,” he admonished. “You’re a big girl. You took both of us so well last night,” he reminded me, a flash of lust crossing his eyes. “You can manage this. We’ll get through it the three of us together, wherever it takes us, even if it’s on different paths.”

“I’m not sure I want us to go on different paths…” I confessed quietly, surprising not only him but myself.

He sighed, seeming relieved.

“That’s why I said to get a good night’s sleep and think about it. I’ll let Noah know we’ll be talking tomorrow as we reach London, okay?”

I swallowed my tears and nodded.

When I asked Oliver if I could travel with him in BMTH’s tour bus the next morning, of course he readily agreed. But what I didn’t expect was Noah’s unexpected appearance at seven in the morning on the same bus, seeking me out. He wasn’t as pissed as he had been when we talked right after Bad Omen’s show the night before, but he was definitely not happy that I was evading the band’s tour bus—evading him—.

I was still tired. Exhausted. Drained from a sleepless night. Despite Oliver’s assurances that things would be sorted out, I was scared that Noah wouldn’t accept it, that he would never be okay with a relationship between the three of us, and that he would never forgive me.

That’s why when he appeared on BMTH’s bus, I simply sank onto the sofa when he instructed me to sit, and I let him settle next to me, his thigh and arm brushing mine. I was ready for the worst.

“I might be pissed at you,” he started saying, “but that doesn’t mean I don’t want you around,” he stated. His gaze had softened as he looked at me, a hint of vulnerability peeking through his almond-shaped orbs. Our faces were barely inches away from each other. The fact that he smelled so good wasn’t helping the chaos going on in my head. “Or is it that you don’t want me?”

I frowned.

“You know I do,” I assured him. How could I ever stop wanting him? His brown eyes would always held me captive.

I considered that, if I got both of them, if I was just lucky enough, I would have those beautiful brown eyes and those mesmerizing green orbs gazing adoringly at me every day. Could I ask for more after that?

“I just made this whole situation so uncomfortable that I don’t know how to behave around you anymore,” I admitted, the weight of my mistakes heavy on my shoulders.

His hand found mine on my thigh. Noah clasped his fingers around mine in a comforting gesture.

“I’ll tell you how: be a good girl. I’m angry at you, but it’s nothing that won’t be solved after we talk with Oli and you… get punished.” A smirk tugged at the corner of his thin lips.

I could only sigh and sink myself deeper onto the seat. What did that even mean?

“Come back to our bus,” he said. When I took a while to answer, his grip on my hand tightened and he pleaded, “please?”

How am I supposed to resist the puppy eyes?

“All right,” I relented.

I stood up, only to be met with Oliver’s figure standing not far from us, frame leaning against the wall, arms crossed over his broad chest.

“We should have hired another bus, huh?”

Noah raised an eyebrow and after a couple of seconds snorted, shaking his head as he placed a hand at my back, nudging me forward.

“One for the three of us,” Oliver mused, his eyes eyeing my casual outfit and lingering on my chest for a little longer with a suggestive glint, as if he could see through. “Just imagine how much fun we would have had on our way to the big city.”

I looked between him and Noah, blinking. I was missing something there, some understanding between the two of them that I was not a part of.

It was at that moment, with the chill of the January morning creeping in through the cracks of the bus and the look the boys shared with each other that I realized that maybe, very maybe, I had been wrong all along, but… could there really be a chance that... things would work out between Noah, Oliver, and me?

Ignoring the racing beat of my heart and the wave of relief and joy that suddenly seeped through me, with a newly found bravery I said, “May I remind you that despite the distraction I’m being, you’re here to work, both of you?” I wanted to sound rational, and I was, but of course they found it amusing.

“You can remind us later,” Oliver said, leaning over me to peck me on the cheek.

“Get going,” Noah indicated, his tone firm yet affectionate. “I’ll be there in a minute. Nick and Matt are playing Elden Ring. Tell them to hand over the controllers.”

I hesitated for a moment, glancing between the two of them. Then Noah put a hand on Oliver’s shoulder and squeezed, both their eyes on me, as if trying to send a reassurance to the apprehension taking hold of every nerve on my body.

Not long after 2pm, we arrived in London, its iconic skyline piercing the sky much like the needle of anticipation jabbing at my insides as I awaited the moment of being alone with Oliver and Noah in a hotel room again.

Our stay in the city was scheduled for three days. Under normal circumstances, I would have been looking forward to my free time to explore the city’s most wonderful streets and charming corners. However, other than the work-related stuff, nothing was going as planned, starting with the fact that I found myself not dreading to explore the city at all. My thoughts were consumed by the desire to explore something else —two men’s tattooed bodies, the seas of their skin, every imperfection and scar…

I followed the Bad Omens’ crew into the lobby of the InterContinental next to the O2 Arena, pulling at my suitcase with one hand and typing a couple of texts to my brother while Matt handled the check-in at the reception desk. I waited for him to get the hotel card keys and hand mine, but he never approached me.

I looked at him, confusion all over my face as I slid my phone in the back pocket of my jeans and saw him the rest of the guys head to the elevators on the left side of the lobby.

I was about to call out to him when I noticed that Noah was still beside me, a few steps behind me.

“Where’s my room key?” I asked.

Noah raised a hand, displaying a card.

Despite his towering height, with the backpack slung over his shoulders, I always thought he resembled a little kid.

“Oliver wants us to share a room,” he informed me evenly.

“What?” I sputtered, taken aback.

Oliver and the rest of the band were not there yet. They had an interview in some radio station and the bus had dropped them off at the location before reaching the hotel, so they wouldn’t be checking in until later.

“We’ll talk there”, Noah clarified. “If you want to have a room for yourself after that we’ll make sure you get one. It’s not a big deal.”

Truth be told, I hoped I didn’t have to get one. I dreaded sleeping between their warm bodies again, perhaps indefinitely. I knew that I was dreaming too much, but it was all I could cling to while I waited for the talk.

During the elevator ride, I buried myself in my phone again, ignoring Noah’s presence on the other side and trying my damnest hard to block memories from last year’s tour when Noah had nearly fucked me against the elevator walls in some hotel in Las Vegas before we could make it to his hotel room.

When the door of the suite opened after Noah swiped Oliver’s card on the reader, I gasped at the dimensions of the room. We were welcomed by a spacious common area, complete with a sofa, a dining table, and a massive TV that we were not going to use. Passing through white French doors, we were met with the bedroom. The pièce de resistance? The king-sized bed positioned in front of floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking the Thames. All I could suddenly think about was… probably the same Noah was thinking as our eyes met after they’d landed on the huge bed.

I could have felt embarrassed. Instead, somehow, I managed to offer him a sweet smile that he reciprocated.

In silence, we began to unpack, though I refrained from unpacking too much, considering that the veredict of our current situation was still to be decided.

Noah retrieved some of his electronics from his backpack and returned from the common area to find me standing by the large windows in the bedroom, looking down at the river.

“Why don’t you take a nap?” He suggested, his eyes betraying his concern. “You look like you haven’t been sleeping properly.”

I sighed. “No, I haven’t.”

“Sleep,” he urged gently.

“Are you staying?” I inquired, looking in his eyes in need of reassurance.

“Yes.” Of course, his eyes said.

We stared at each other. When the emotions grew too big, I removed the distance between us and stood on my tiptoes to wrap my arms around his neck in a tight hug.

He hugged me back, sinking his face in the crook of my neck, and the gesture felt like a soothing balm. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to cry or strip him off his clothes.

It must have been the same for him because I felt him tensing after the hug went on for too long. When he pulled away, he adjusted his pants before I managed to take a quick look at the spot. Guilty.

He urged me to rest for a while again. Oliver wouldn’t take long, he said.

As sleep claimed me, I found solace in the thought of waking up to both of them in the room.

Their voices reached my dreams, coaxing me awake.

I stirred in the bed, stretching my muscles before lifting my head from the comfortable pillows and looking over my shoulder, towards the origin of the sound. The doors to the bedroom were slightly ajar, and I could see their silhouettes through the open space. Noah was seated at the table with a cup of coffee cradled in his hands while Oliver leaned in close, practically with his ass on the table as he talked to Noah, his thigh very close to the hand Noah was holding the cup of coffee with. Oliver had another one in his hand. They spoke slowly, softly, as if they were lifelong confidants. I lingered in the quiet, watching them, taking advantage of the fact that they hadn't noticed I was awake. I was captivated by the way Oliver would occasionally smile at him, and how Noah's eyes would sparkle.

I sat up in bed as a surge of warmth flooded my senses. Before revealing myself, I hurried to the bathroom on the opposite side of the bedroom.

When I emerged, their voices had died away, and I could hear them moving about the room.

With hesitant steps, I opened the French doors, my eyes falling first on one man and then on the other.

"Hi," I said in a slurred voice.

Oliver was pouring hot water from the kettle into another cup and Noah was hanging one of his winter jackets in the wardrobe by the entrance.

“Hi there, sleeping beauty,” Oliver greeted.

I accepted the cup of tea he offered and thanked him with a shy smile as I brought the cup to my lips, making sure it wasn’t too hot. Lemon tea.

“Are you okay?” Noah asked with a frown, getting closer to lift my chin with two fingers and scrutinize my face. “Your cheeks are flushed.”

“It must have been the heating in the room,” I explained, gesturing towards the bedroom.

The answer satisfied him for he nodded, his features relaxing.

“Do you want to sit down?” He asked.

I instantly shook my head.

“I will if I need to, but I rather stand while I sort this out,” I said. Both of them shared a look and locked their gazes with me a second after. “I don’t want to drag it out any longer,” I said, gulping down the next sip of the tea.

“Alright,” Oliver did sit down on the sofa, facing me.

Noah took a seat next to him.

Great. Now it feels like I’m back at uni, about to start my thesis defense.

While Oliver reclined comfortably against the sofa cushions, his arm casually draped over the sofa’s back, he nearly touched Noah, who was leaned forward, his arms resting on his thighs, hands clasped together.

Green and brown eyes were fixed intently on me.

I moistened my lips and hesitated for a moment before speaking. I didn’t know where to start, and I felt the heat rise in my cheeks as I steadied myself against the TV furniture.

“I left because I didn’t want to,” I began.

Of course my answer elicited raised eyebrows from both.

“What I mean to say is…” I averted my gaze momentarily, “I don’t think I’ve ever felt as good as I did when I woke up,” I explained. “Despite… the ache between my legs, I was sure that I wanted that every next morning, and I realized it wasn’t right. I couldn’t be having such thoughts. This,” I gestured between me and them, “is not normal.”

I waited for them to interject, but they didn’t. Their silence encouraging me to press on.

“After our night together, I thought about everything else that happened before that, and a voice in my head told me that it had all been a mistake: sleeping with you,” I said to Oliver. His features morphed into ones of pain and then, defeat, “and then dragging you,” I said to Noah, “into this without having sorted out first what was going on between us. I didn’t want to fuck up any of our relationships; the friendship between you two, and the one I had with each of you. On top of that, we’re in the middle of a tour and I can’t help but feel that I’m a burden and a stupid girl for dragging both of you into this mess. And then…”

“Then, what?” Noah pressed; his eyes suddenly alight. He could sense what I was about to get into. He could sense it very well, and instead of the expression I had expected from him, —the look of fear—, he seemed to be… excited?

“Then I focused on what I was feeling, on what I feel and…” I took a deep breath, gathering the courage. “I want you both. I’m sorry for what this means, but I don’t want to lie or hide it. After I took on your offer of sleeping with you, I thought that once it was done, nothing would change, or that whatever pleasure I was seeking would be satisfied, that we would have fun… but it wasn’t just that, and things did change. I had all day to think and to come to terms with my feelings. After spending the night with you, I can safely say that I want more. Not just sex. I want more of you, of both of you. Anything you want to give me. I’ll take everything, the good and the bad. I just… need you like I never thought I would, and I’m sorry for it.”

As I finished my confession and realized how much I had needed to hear my own voice say it, I couldn’t bear to meet their eyes. The pounding of my heart drowned out any other sound.

There was a minute of silence that stretched painfully, each passing second amplifying my discomfort. I wished the ground would swallow me whole. That was the most excruciating minute of my life.

“First of all, fuck normal,” Oliver said. “Second, yes, this is a mess, but I fucking love this mess if it means I get to have you at the end of the day. I want you vocal and naked,” his words were a firm statement. “That doesn’t seem too hard to me, does it?” His gaze shifted to Noah, the question also directed at him. “I also told you last night that my feelings for you have been more than just those of a friend since a while now. Did you hurt me by sleeping with me and Noah and leaving in the morning? Yes, you did. Do I resent you for it? No. We’re here talking things out like fucking mature adults. I only expect you not to make that a habit, otherwise we will have problems. As for everything else concerned,” he shook his head and raised his hands, “I had my time to think about it, too. And I felt fucking fantastic as I fell asleep next to you two.” His eyes landed on Noah again, who wore a mix of guilt and satisfaction on his face.

“Noah?” I mumbled his name with a sense of urgency and fear.

“Tell her,” Oliver ordered him, his voice suddenly demanding. “Tell her those damned three words, man. You’ve waited long enough. Don’t make me kick your arse.”

Noah hesitated, his eyes darting from Oliver to the floor then to me and all over again.

“I love you,” he confessed with his brown eyes boring into mine with a vulnerability that I had never seen before. “I’ve been in love with you for longer than I care to admit.”

“He isn’t the only one that does, doll,” Oliver added, his voice resolute yet tender.

That was not what I had expected at all.

Yet, I fell to my knees.

Immediately, Noah and Oliver rose from the sofa, coming to me, hand trying to grab me to get me back up.

“Hey, hey. What is this?” Oliver asked.

“Come on, no need for…” Noah started saying.

But as I fumbled with the zipper of Noah’s jeans, confusion clouded their expressions as they froze, realization dawning in their eyes.

“What are you doing?” Noah asked, his Adam’s apple bobbing with difficulty.

“Showing you how much I love you both, too,” the words slipped from my lips as my hands moved instinctively, pulling down Noah’s jeans and swiftly unbuttoning Oliver’s, “and starting to repay you for my mistake of leaving the bed without talking to you. I won’t do it again, I promise. Just… I want this to work.”

“It will,” Oliver affirmed, “as long as we keep communicating with each other,” confidence dripping from his lips.

Beneath my touch, I could feel him growing aroused, hard. I glanced at Noah from my kneeling position.

“I was worried that I had fucked everything up by making you share me with Oliver,” I told him honestly.

“You didn’t make me do anything,” he replied firmly. “I’m a grown man. I make my own decisions. Besides, I wouldn’t have agreed to share you with anyone unless I was certain that the other person cherished and valued you like a goddess.”

“Noah and I have already talked about it. We’re on board with this, baby,” Oliver added.

My heart was going to explode, but I felt a pang of frustration at how ahead they were on this and how behind I felt.

“Why is it that you two always have these talks before the three of us are lone?" I grumbled; my frustration evident. I pulled down Noah’s boxers to free his erection. He let out a sigh of relief.

“We would’ve had this conversation as a trio in the morning if you hadn’t disappeared,” he interjected, already breathless, his focus wavering.

He had a point.

“Moving forward with this,” Oliver continued, “means you’ll accept your punishment tonight. Are you ok with that?”

“Yes, you can punish me,” I replied as I slid down his underwear. Oh, the view in front of me. A sight to behold. “I accept my punishment; you can do whatever you want to and with me as long as I get to have both of you.”

“Those are big words,” Noah remarked. “Are you sure you’ll be able to take it?” His hips pressed forward. I wrapped the fingers of my right hand around his shaft while reaching for Oliver’s cock with my left.

Their synchronized moans were music to my ears.

“I can take both of you,” I asserted confidently with my chin up. Hadn’t I proved it already? I tugged at them, drawing two beautiful, restrained groans from both. “So yes, I’m sure.”

“Oh, the kitten is feisty,” Oliver sang. “What should we do about it, Noah?”

“Open your mouth,” Noah instructed to me, his voice husky with desire. “Show us how vocal you’re going to be from now on, and then we’ll decide what to do with you next.”

And that I did.

Not even ten minutes later, I was cleaning the last remnants of Oliver’s and Noah’s release from the corner of my lips with the back of two fingers, still reeling from the intoxicating taste of them.

Oliver lay sprawled on the sofa, one hand pressed against his forehead, his pants still unbuttoned.

“My soul has left my body,” he mumbled weakly.

With Oliver’s words hung in the air, I could still feel the ghost of Noah’s hand on the back of my head, his fingers grazing my hair gently before guiding me towards him, whispering a restrained ‘good girl’ as I took him whole. I could still taste Oliver’s release in the back of my throat, accompanied by the memory of his passionate wail as his legs trembled with the intensity of his orgasm.

I rose from where I’d been kneeling, steadying myself with a hand on the nearest chair as I still felt dizzy. Despite my spinning head, I fought back a laugh at Oliver’s comment. It hadn’t been my intention to leave them drained before the show.

“I’m not sure how I’m going to perform tonight,” Oliver admitted with a wry smile, his exhaustion evident.

Whoops.

“That was a killer blowjob, baby,” Noah’s voice cut through the air from the main bedroom of the suite as he emerged from the bathroom, a wet face towel in hand, pants on and glorious cock tucked away. Before heading towards his suitcase, he planted a kiss on my lips. “You okay, man?” he inquired, addressing Oliver over his shoulder.

“I need a minute,” he replied.

Turned out he needed five. After pouring myself a glass of juice from a bottle I found on the mini fridge, I offered one to Oliver, who accepted gratefully. Noah declined, opting for water.

“I should head to the venue,” Noah announced as he checked his phone. “I have a couple of messages from Folio. They’re already there.”

“I should head there, too,” Oliver said, finally standing up.

“I will stay,” I interjected, earning their attention as they collected their things, “at least for a while. I need to get some work done on the MacBook, but I’ll make sure to be there on time for the shows,” I explained with a smile.

Oliver nodded and headed towards the bathroom while Noah placed his suitcase on a bench and retrieved the Adidas boots he wore during the show.

“I’ll see you in an hour, then?” Noah asked.

“I’ll ask Matt to let me join him in the sound deck.”

“That shouldn’t be a problem,” he replied.

He approached me, sliding his iPhone into his pocket before stopping right in front of me. I looked up at him, expectantly. He moved the hair away of my face with tender fingers and bent down to kiss me ever so slowly. I couldn’t recall having been kissed by Noah like that ever before, so I melted in his arms.

I heard him whisper the three magic words against my lips, a hint of shyness in his tone, but he said it nonetheless, and I had to remind myself that this wasn’t a dream.

“I love you, too,” I whispered back.

I didn’t miss the way his smile lighted up his face as the withdrew from our embrace. My body instantly missed his touch, his warmth, his scent.

“Do I look like a just experienced a mind-blowing orgasm?” Oliver asked from the bathroom door, drawing a circle with a finger in the air near his face.

“Yeah, you do,” I responded with a smile and an apologetic expression, “but it just makes you look more delicious. Perfect for the show.”

He laughed, dropping his head, perhaps feeling a bit shy?

“You’re impossible,” he muttered, standing in front of me.

He cupped my face and kissed me. His kiss was deeper, more intense, harder than the one I’d just shared with Noah. I loved it just as much, realizing that from that moment onwards I couldn’t bear to live without either of those kisses.

“I love you,” he said. I was going to reply that I did, too, when his words brought a rush of dizziness to my head. “No touching yourself until tonight, are we clear?”

“We haven’t decided yet if we’re letting you come,” Noah added from the door, before stepping out into the hallway.

“One thing is for sure: you’re in for a few spankings; you’re getting tied up and we’re going to edge you for a good while until we’re satisfied with your punishment for leaving the bed yesterday morning and not talking to us.”

Oh dear.

“Great,” I muttered.

“No rolling your eyes. Be good,” Oliver instructed, pointing a finger at me.

He grabbed his phone and wallet from the dining table, and with a mischievous grin, he closed the door behind him, disappearing with Noah from my view.

Two seconds later, I let myself collapse onto the bed, closing my eyes with a smirk of satisfaction on my lips, the whole sentiment etched on my face. Nighttime couldn’t come soon enough.

My heart swelled with pride as I watched them from the center of the arena, Noah’s and Oliver’s figures tiny in the distance but looming on the screens flanking the stage, commanding the attention of thousands and stirring a fervent response. Watching them lead the crowd together in ‘Antivist’ was astonishing. I was so proud of them. Of us, actually. Every time the stage lights fell on them and illuminated them, I felt as if the universe was repeating to me over and over again that those two men were mine, and that I was theirs.

It was hard to believe that forty-eight hours ago, things had been so different. After the events that my conversation with Noah had led to, I had been flooded with insecurity and fear, and a voice in my head had come very close to making me believe that I had screwed up so badly that I should turn around and go home because never everwould Noah and Oliver give in to being in a polyamorous relationship. This would never work, the voice said, and if part of me believed it would, it was because I had read too many books.

But look and behold, reality often surpasses fiction. And watching them perform, knowing that they loved me and that we were going to give this a chance, that we were committed to making this work, I felt complete. I was no longer alone to grasp with my conflicted thoughts and emotions. We were three, now.

These two men, with their music and their love, were mine to cherish and adore.

The rough and complicated start we had endured seemed like a distant memory, and it was just overshadowed by the promise of bright and beautiful days to come.

By the time the clock struck midnight, I was already a whimpering, trembling mess splayed on the bed. My throat parched, breaths ragged, and legs shaking. I had just been denied my fourth orgasm, and even though I would be lying if I said I hated it, I found myself in a state of overwhelming overstimulation.

Lost in a haze, I couldn’t even discern which one of them was between my legs.

As soon as we came back from the venue, I was promptly tied up and blindfolded. Again. Noah and Oliver decided to take turns swapping their place between my legs and working me up, first slowly, gentle laps of their tongues and soft rubs from their fingers inside of me, then fastening their pace, heating me up, driving me to insanity every single time they took me to the edge and then withdrew, leaving me whining their names and crying for release, their wicked laughs the only thing I could hear amidst my own desperation.

In my delirium, I really couldn’t tell anymore whose tongue was on me, whose teeth was nibling at my pebbled nipples.

“Feeling punished enough, love?” Oliver asked from the foot of the bed, giving himself away after one last flick of his tongue that wasn’t enough to make me fall off the edge. Damn him.

I couldn’t manage a single word to tell him how I felt.

Noah’s fingers moved the hair away from my face. Despite wearing a blindfold, I doubted I could have bear to open my eyes.

“I think that’s enough,” he said.

“Getting softer, huh?” Oliver teased him.

“Nah, she’s shaking. I don’t want her to pass out on us if we keep going. Let her have it.”

“You said it.”

Their decision to show mercy on me brought a rush of sensation that threatened to engulf me entirely.

My climax racked through my body as a hurricane, so violent that my back arched from the mattress. If not for the silky rope binding my wrists to the headboard, I might have pulled Oliver’s hair so hard in my ecstasy that I’d have hurt him.

With sweet words whispered against my hair, Noah’s praised me, encouraging me through my orgasm, but as I began to descend from my high, he withdrew from the bed. Oliver’s mouth left my swollen center, gifting me two loving kisses on the inside of my right thigh. Then he took a seat beside me on the mattress, replacing Noah.

“That one was for me,” Oliver said. “Now you’re going to give Noah his.”

I couldn’t grasp my mind at what he meant, but soon enough the hands that had clasped my thighs and kept me grounded on the bed were replaced by Noah’s. I felt him kneeling between my legs again. I gasped.

“Another one?” I managed to breathe out. My mind had still not come down from my euphoric high and they expected me to…? “I—I don’t think I ca—"

“You will, kitten,” Noah asserted, draping an arm across my hip and stomach to keep me restricted to the mattress. “I know you. You’re going to give me mine.” It was an order.

Two nights ago, I had damned them both for denying me release in their mouths. Yet now, despite this being a punishment and my exhaustion, their actions felt like a reward. I resolved not to complain, no matter how powerless and lost I felt.

I remained silent, holding my breath, as Noah slid his slender fingers in, easily navigating through my so embarrassing slickness. He quickly found that sweet spot that I loved having touched, and he started licking me, once, twice, thrice, from my entrance to my clit, drawing circles around my clit until the pleasure was so high that it tore a scream from the depths of my being.

“Don’t hold back,” I heard Oliver say, his hand on my hair, stroking it.

For a second, I lost my all sense of rationality. I was sure I was going to pass out with the vibrations from Noah’s voice in my core as he mumbled things and his lips touched my lower lips. My first orgasm cascaded into a second and suddenly, I was enveloped in white, a sharp headache gripping me as I came undone. Fortunately, it passed quickly, and I savored every other second of my long-awaited double release.

Gradually, Noah’s licks and gentle sucking relented, his hands releasing the grip on me and moving to my thighs, where he started rubbing his palms up and down, trying to soothe down my shaking. Oliver peppered kisses across my chest and sternum, nibbling at my chin with his stubble tickling my skin

“Kitten?” That was Noah. He kissed the side of my knee. “Are you back with us?”

As I searched for the answer within my mind, Oliver removed the blindfold and untied me, his touch soothing too as he massaged my wrists and kissed them reverently. Though I couldn’t bring myself to open my eyes, a mumble escaped my lips as I shifted my head against the pillow. It would take some time for sensation to return to my body, but I was fully aware of the satisfaction that ran through my veins and straight to my heart, and every other feeling that accompanied it.

The first night together, I had felt safe and cherished. This time, I felt utterly loved, and despite my mistakes, I was sure that I deserved this. I deserved these two men, and I was willing to give them my best self.

“Love,” Oliver insisted, his touch soft as he lifted my chin, “open your eyes. Are you alright? Was it too much?”

“Baby,” before I could muster the answer, Noah settled down on my other side, his unattended erection nudging against my side. He placed his palm on my tummy, and the warmth of his body seeped into my skin.

“I’m fine,” I replied with a smile, peering at both of them through blurry vision. I placed a hand on my forehead. “I got a headrush,” I admitted, “but I’m okay.”

The worried look on their faces persisted. Oliver glanced down at my still trembling legs. “I’ll get you something to drink before we continue. Let Noah take care of you. I’ll be right back.”

He returned within a minute. I had shifted onto my stomach, and Noah was inspecting the light bruises on my buttocks, his fingers tracing the reddened skin with a frown.

“Shit, that’s a nasty mark,” Oliver mentioned, eyeing two small spots turning purple on my left cheek. He set a glass of orange juice on the bedside table. “Did we spank you too hard?”

I shook my head. “I bruise too easily. Don’t worry. I enjoyed it.”

“You’ll tell us if we ever go beyond boundaries, right?” Noah pressed.

“Yes, I will.”

“Good girl,” Noah praised. “Have some juice,” he instructed, gesturing towards the glass as he stood up from the bed to position himself next to Oliver.

Both eyed me with special attention as I sat on the bed and sipped the juice, my body feeling grateful for the light sugar intake. After draining the glass, I licked my lips, and my smirk grew as I noticed how hard his erections were, and both seemed to be pointing straight at me.

How wonderful that they were mine and mine alone.

Noah gestured for me to approach him with a finger, his gaze narrowing with anticipation. I crawled on the bed towards him, swaying my hips playfully, enjoying how desired I was. With my hair falling around me, I positioned myself on all fours at the edge of the bed, Noah lifting my chin to capture my lips in a hungry kiss. Meanwhile, Oliver’s hand returned to my backside, caressing it before his fingers slipped between my cheeks, eliciting a moan from me.

“Would you put them on us?” he asked a few seconds later.

Noah released me, and suddenly Oliver’s hand was presenting two square silver packages to me.

Sitting back on my heels, I tore open the first package and rolled the condom down onto Noah’s cock, his posture steady and unwavering, watching my hand’s work as a hawk. I repeated the action with Oliver. The familiarity of the task felt oddly comforting despite it being our first time. I hoped fervently that this would become a nightly ritual from now on.

“Ready for us, baby?”

Instead of answering, I straightened my back and slowly parted my thighs, revealing the warmest, most inviting part of myself to them once more.

My boys exchanged a glance with a raised eyebrow. In an instant, Noah lifted me up, prompting me to wrap my legs around his waist as he wasted no time in nudging my entrance with the head of his dick and in one slow trust filling me up.

I was still adjusting to the wonderful sensation of Noah being inside of me when Oliver’s hands found their way to my shoulders from behind, his touch gentle as he traced a path down my sides until they settled near Noah’s hands on my butt.

I felt the tip of his cock against my backside, and his voice softened as he urged me not to tense. It was easy for him to say, yet I was surprised at how easy I welcomed both of them inside of me, as if my own body had been waiting for it since the first time it experienced this hot burst of desire, pleasure, and… love.

Five minutes after, they were moving inside me in perfect synchronization, a relentless rhythm that drove me to the brink of ecstasy and beyond, my breasts rubbing against Noah's inked pecs, my back against Oliver's hard tattooed chest. Their alternating thrusts, a mix of withdrawal and surging in, had me moaning their names repeatedly, making me feel full of ecstasy and wild pleasure. Whenever Noah withdrew in a slow, teasing friction, Oliver would go all the way in.

This experience was sublime, and I didn’t ever want it to end.

"I wish I could show you exactly what it feels like to fuck you while Noah fucks you,” Oliver growled into my ear, his words sending shivers down my spine that intensified as he nibbled at my earlobe with his vampire teeth.

At some point, with Oliver’s mouth nibling at my shoulders, clavicle, and neck, I opened my eyes and reached for Noah’s silver necklace. I could see the restraint in his eyes. I pulled at the accessory and kissed him fiercely for a long minute before releasing him. Then, I turned to Oliver, wrapping my hand around his neck and capturing his mouth in a passionate kiss that ended with me biting his lower plump lip, making him growl like a lion against my mouth and eliciting a laugh from me.

“Touch yourself,” Noah said. He was close, so close, and Oliver wasn’t far behind. I was dying to feel them both tense and pulsate inside me. I was dying.

Closing my eyes once more, I let my head fall back to rest on Oliver’s shoulder and slid my hand down to my clit. Their arms held me securely while they stood, anchoring me in the midst of the overwhelming pleasure. I squeezed myself around them. When I heard their moans and growls intensify, I knew I had them.

Joining their cries of release, I followed them down to the depths of bliss.

About twenty minutes later, I was lying in bed again. Only this time I had Oliver and Noah on either side of me, spoiling me and giving me cuddles and kisses.

After the passionate crescendo we had caused while climaxing, the mood in the room was now quiet, and a lovely silence enveloped us as we looked at each other with our eyes shining and our bodies sated and spent, we felt at heaven.

Both of their hands roamed up and down my body. Noah's fingers traced delicate lines between my breasts and down to my navel, while Oliver's traced my temple and his lips pressed tender little kisses just below my ear and on my jawline.

It was just perfect, and the only thing that topped it was the way I sensed Noah and Oliver glance at each other from time to time, as if something new had awakened in them as well. Or maybe it had been there for a while and was finally coming to light. Whatever it was, it was obvious that all three of us were enjoying it, that all three of us were happy and wanted to be there.

That was all that mattered.

It was past eight in the morning when I stirred from sleep.

My head was resting on Oliver’s chest, with Noah’s warmth enveloping me from behind, his arm draped over my waist and his palm resting flat against my stomach. The sheets had become a tangled mess at the foot of the bed, leaving our naked bodies exposed in a blissful picture. When I wriggled my feet and they brushed both Noah and Oliver’s legs, I smiled at the sight.

However, the urge to visit the bathroom was urging me to leave the bed. I could revel in his scene again in just a couple of minutes.

But as I began to shift away from Noah and Oliver’s embrace, preparing to swing my left leg over Oliver’s broad body, a hand clasped my wrist, halting my movements.

Turning my head, I saw Oliver, his eyes still closed, his face peaceful in slumber with Noah’s sleepy face now so close to his own. Oliver’s grip tightened on my wrist as I spoke.

“I’m just going to the bathroom,” I whispered.

“I’ve heard that before,” he replied, his beautiful green eyes meeting mine as he opened them. “I’m going with you.”

“But…” It shattered my heart to think that he still doubted me; that he still feared that I might not be there if he closed his eyes again and woke up a while later. “I’m not going to leave. I promised,” I reminded him with a serious expression. “I just need to empty my bladder. Just give me a minute?”

“A minute. Then I’m coming in,” he concluded, stretching his arms, I couldn’t help but steal a quick look at his morning naked figure. Glorious. “We have shower sex pending so…”

My eyes quickly went back to his. A smirk played on his lips as his words trailed off.

That sounded… incredibly appealing and undeniably hot.

To hell with sleep.

“Are you sure you’re up for it? Aren’t you tired?” I inquired. With the shows and the sex, both might be beyond exhausted, but a voice in my head said, please don’t be.

“Are you?” chimed in another cheeky voice from the other side of the bed.

Okay, they were both up and ready. Just my luck. Hell yes.

I hurried into the bathroom with a giggle escaping my lips as I knew that they were both staring at my ass as I ran off from the bed.

Five minutes later, Oliver pulled me with him inside of the tiled shower. I shivered as the water touched my skin, though it didn't take long to get used to the temperature and I appreciated the feeling of being under the warm water and everything that followed. Oliver's hands took the reins and, with some shampoo in his hands, he began to wash my hair, massaging my scalp and thus earning my first moan of the day.

"You guys started without me?" Noah asked, walking into the bathroom, and letting himself and his perfectly erect, hard cock be seen.

"Not really," I replied, reaching out to take his hand and pull him closer to me. Noah greeted me with a good smooch, his cock stroking my lower belly while Oliver's fingers went on to massage my shoulders and a delicious spot just below my neck and at the beginning of my spine.

Never in my wildest fantasies had I ever imagined I would experience a morning like this, soaking wet all over with two fucking gorgeous men washing my hair, massaging my shoulders, my breasts, and making sure the marks on my ass and other parts of my body from their nibbling the night before were nothing to be alarmed about, treating me to my first orgasm of the morning with Noah's long slender fingers as Oliver's mouth played with my nipples and he gulped down the clean water falling from the shower jet.

I found that washing and rinsing them also filled me with a tender pleasure. They behaved like two good, but mischievous, children, waiting their turn as I washed their hair and scrubbed their bodies, leaving kisses here and there after rubbing their skin too hard and earning me their beautiful moans, which echoed between the bathroom walls. Their jokes also added to the joy; they took advantage of the fact that they were both fucking tall to make me stand on my tiptoes every time I tried to rub the top of their heads. Then they had the audacity to ask if there was a problem every time I mumbled a curse between my teeth. Whenever I reprimanded one and the other for laughing at me, it only earned me a playful slap on my ass.

Eventually, the space was filled with our casual talks, then laughter, and finally, moaning.

When they entered me again under the warm spray of the shower, I was sure that I was in love to the hilt with both of them, and that I never wanted to stop hearing their laughter and seeing their smiles in the mornings ever again.

So, as I tensed around them both and their grunts mixed with my moans, I surrendered to Oliver and Noah. Their fingers tightened on my thighs, where traces of the night before lingered, and I happily followed them into the abyss.

PART 4 + EPILOGUE COMING SOON

Taglist:

#noah sebastian x reader #oliver sykes x reader #bad omens #bmth #bring me the horizon #noah sebastian #oliver sykes #oliver sykes x you #noah sebastian x you #bad omens cult #oli sykes #oli sykes x reader #oli sykes x you #oli sykes x noah sebastian #oliver sykes x noah sebastian #oliver sykes x noah sebastian x reader

196 notes · View notes

starsomens · 9 months ago

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imagining being one of the openers for BMTH along with Bad Omens and noah slowly developing a crush on you just from watching you from the side of the stage and how confident you look while singing your songs on stage 🫶🏻🫶🏻🥰

When you heard that you were opening For bring me the horizon you were ecstatic. But once you had heard that you were also going to be interacting with bad omens, you nearly had a heart attack.

Just like bad omens, you were a new upcoming band who honestly had some great success with your previous album. Due to shows and locations you couldn’t meet these two amazing artist separately, but it seems like your dreams were coming true all in one tour!

Today was the first night you were opening them and you were so excited but extremely nervous. You could feel your hands and feet sweating every second. You had gotten closer to being done in your dressing room. You were supposed to meet up with both Oli and Noah before the show go over kind of routines, and course to meet both of them

much like Noah before you had gotten into your singing career you were a big fan of bringing me the horizon since you were a teenager. And once you had heard about Bad Omens and started to get into their music, you could not deny the raw talent that this band was bringing to the industry

Usually these types of things because you were really worried about making a good impression with them.

“Y/N, will be leaving in about five minutes are you almost ready?” Your sister and best friend had come to check on you. Since you’re growing fame, your best friend had helped you to manage yourself the team and honestly this entire production on your end. And what was even better was that she remains as an amazing friend when you needed one.

A friend who also like to tease about having a crush on both of the boys, and that was why you were so nervous to meet them

“ I guess I’m as ready as I’ll ever be” you looking over your make up one more time and standing up for your seat. You straighten out your outfit with one less overlook and you were ready to go

Except you weren’t expecting to see them right outside in the hallway, once you stepped out of your dressing room. They took your bed by surprise, but you just laughed it off. You extend your hand to greet both of them and thanked Oli once again for having you on this tour.

While oli was looking over some stage, set up details from his team you and Noah actually started a conversation.

“ so how does it feel from going from small venues to something so big like the arena?”

You chuckle at his question “ well, I could ask you the same thing couldn’t I?”

His eyes widen with amusement “oooo Shot it right back at me, huh?” he laughs making you giggle as well

“ but if I’m honest, I’m really nervous this is going to be our biggest audience yet. I’m honestly used to goofing around with smaller audiences and it’s so intimate and so little pressure but now I just really feel the pressure I guess?”

This was the first time Noah was ever had in conversation with you and that blush that you had gotten over worrying about how well you perform was honestly adorable to him

“ Well, I think you’ll be fine. I saw some of your other performances and the control you have over the crowd is honestly impressive.” he compliments as you are being given your stage equipment

"You got this, watch!" Noah encourages you as he watches you focus and take in some deep breaths and clear your mind. You check your ear piece and mic once more before it was just about that time

Just like any other show you had performed at, you clear your mind, relax, and let go.

Noah watches you from the side of the stage and was amazed. You had an amazing stage presence, your energy was non-stop, your connection with the crowd was infectious

and your voice, it was so crips and light yet so powerful

"She's good ain't she?" Oli nudged him

"yeah she's amazing!" Noah agrees as they clap with the crowd, you were so nervous before, but you perform as if you own the stage, this was your world and everyone just existed in it

And the way you closed out your opening was fantastic, you music perfectly flowing into the start of Bad Omen's music, meaning they'd be on in just a minute or two. You come rushing off the stage out of breath, slightly sweaty

Noah hands you a bottle of cold water to help cool you off

"I told you, you'd do great" he said in an 'I told you so tone' you smile at him and gulp down the water. He was on next and you knew he was going to murder his performance

You watch on the side of the stage in awe at his pure talent, all of them really. Nick's energy on the drums, Noah's Vocals, Jolly's finger work on the guitar and of course Ruffilo on the bass really sews it all in

But there was something about his stage aura that was so...hypnotic. He was almost like a siren out at sea, and you were drawn in so easily

Overall first night went very well, and you ended up getting some take out to celebrate and had gotten to know one another while sharing a meal and so on and so forth went the tour

But Noah was different

Each night he just couldn't wait to see you on stage. He'd get to your dressing room, walk down to the stage, sometimes a bit early just to talk some more and then he'd watch you from the side of the stage. He might as well be in the crowd enjoying you as a fan at this point

There were times you'd just look out into the crowd without saying a word and he would just watch the screen and study your face. Had it always been that alluring to him?

He counted the number on moles on your face, the way your eyes would crinkle when you smiled, how you'd bite your lip whenever you heard the crowd singing the lyrics

and that voice, he could not get enough of it! He felt as if you were calling to him, singing for him to come closer to you, it was beautiful and sharp and addictive, it was if his cheers became louder and louder each performance

and then there were those times where you'd sing a much more mellow and slow song. Your breath and tone shifts could lull him to sleep so easily. If you had told him to walk out on stage with your singing he'd do it without thinking

You were.....wonderful....

............he had a crush didn't he?

There was just something about you in the way you had dried him in. Whether you were on stage or you guys were just hanging out talking about some anime.

It was also clear to everyone around him that he was developing a little crush. The rest of his band, and even Oli were teasing him about the way he would look at you.

They were even times where they tried to distance themselves from the group, one by one so that he was the only one left with you. They had never seen no one blush so much or stumble over his words, then when he was with you.

It was amusing to them. But wanted to give him his best advice because he knew this tour and collaboration wouldn’t last forever

“ when you get a chance and it’s just you too you need to say something. Or you’ll never get the chance again. So either you make move or someone else does.”

“ and if she says no?”

“ well then you have three more shows too absolutely seduce her on stage” he laughs “ but really, trust me, she’ll say yes, I know she will”

So Noah gathered up the courage to ask you after your final set together. Tonight was different since all three of you would be performing on stage together after a very successful and honestly tiring show it was time for your team to start packing your things to go your own way.

Noah was waiting for the perfect moment when you would be by yourself so he could approach you. He had even gone out and bought a small hand of roses for you. Once you had gone into your dressing room, he went to knock on the door. Knowing that usually after shows you go in the dressing room to settle yourself and breathe for a minute or two.

You tell him to enter, and he closes the door behind him with roses behind his back

“Hey There rockstar” what was that??

you giggle and spinning your chair “hello to you too, today was a really great show you you guys did amazing”

Not as amazing as you “ Yeah, it was really fun performance…. You did great”

“ not as great as you. I can sing by death can’t reach those amazing vocals like you do” you complement him. You made his heart give a beat, and he was the one who was supposed to do that to you! It was never

“ I’m not gonna be around the bush I do want to talk to you about something..” he starts off a few steps closer to you and bring the roses from around his back

Your mouth falls slightly, and he could swear he saw sparkles in your eyes when you saw the flowers

“I-I think you’re amazing. Not only as an artist but as a person too. You’re so fun, and really, really, really pretty, so talented…. And I know we only know each other so much because of the tour but I really like to get to know you once we have more time….” a soft smile after he was done, and you were speechless.

You didn’t know what to saying, you could feel your heart skipping a beat impractically, trying to jump out of your chest

you take a hold of the roses and give them sniff. They smell so fresh and sweet. you stand from your chair and take a step just a bit closer to Noah. Your cheeks were burning, but somehow mustard to say.

“ I’d love to Noah, thank you” you smile at him, and he can only offer you a bigger smile with a nervous chuckle that follows.

He still can’t believe that he nailed that without tripping over his words and just professing his love for you right on the spot, but he was excited where this would eventually go. You unfortunately were called to another area on the set to look at some things before you’re ready to go later that night, you both bid your goodbyes sharing a long hug.

This time the hug had something extra in it and he felt something different and so did he. If he could have, he would’ve wanted to hold you much longer but you had to go. He did offer to walk you down to where you have to go so you did. And along the way, you both made plans and shared your next steps after the Europe tour.

Make sure to exchange numbers and any kind of social media to keep in touch. You also gave him your address in case if he might have wanted to drop by once things were clear on both of your schedules, of course

“ Well, it looks like this is where we say goodbye,” you honestly have felt a little sad, even though you were only touring for a couple shows together, but you just couldn’t help the feeling that in your chest

“ yeah, but I’ll talk to you soon. Give me a text when you land?” he offers and you know your head. Before you walk off, you make the decision to shoot up onto your tiptoes and plant a kiss on his cheek.

“ Thanks again for the great experience” you smile at him as you walk away, with a slight bounce your step. Noah was frozen in his place as he watched you walk away. Little did he know he had some eyes watching him.

The rest of his band, and even Oli were trying to keep their giggles at a minimum as they whisper to each other

“ he finally did it! He grew some balls and even got a kiss out of it!” They congratulated him in their own way

As much as wanted to back them, all he could really think about. Was you and the kids you had given him. The idea of never washing that spot until you guys met again. Even crossed his mind. But until then he’d make sure to clear his schedule to at least get a phone call in Later on

「✨Taglist✨」 @lilhobgobbler @cncohshit @vir-tual @tdopomymind @concretenoah @misspygmypie @leneisdown @lust-for-sacher @thescarlettvvitch @cind6547 @itsmrsfuentes @lma1986 @daylightlvrs @darling-millicent-aubrey

#bad omens #noah sebastian #bad omens cult #noahsebastian #badomens #bad omens band #noah sebastian x reader #star’s mutuals✨#star’s anons✨#bad omens fanfiction #noah sebastian fanfic #bmth bring me the horizon

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fritz-federleicht · 1 year ago

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Hoodie/ Oliver Sykes x reader

Summary: you're suddenly the center of attention at a BMTH concert

Words: 703

Photo: imagine you are MGK

"Oli you have to get out now. Everyone is waiting for you." Max, the tour manager, pulls Oli out of the room and towards the stage.

"Love you Y/N." Calls Oli over his shoulder.

"I love you too. You know where I stand." You can see Oli nodding.

Then the door slams shut. You stand in front of a small mirror and pull at your top. It's really short. You don't want to stand like that with the crowd.

You go to your bag. You took an extra hoodie with you. One of Oli's. It's too big but perfect for you.

You pull the black fabric over your head and breathe in Oli's scent. One last look in the mirror, then you walk towards the stage.

You stand right in front of the stage at the edge. Just like always.

The concert has already started. The audience sings along loudly.

You grin to yourself, happy for the band. During the song Oli keeps looking at you.

At some point during a song he comes up to you and holds out his hand. You take it and smile broadly. The girls behind you start to scream.

After the song ends he speaks into the mic and looks into the crowd. "For those who haven't seen it. That's my girlfriend standing down there." He points to you. The crowd applauds.

Immediately, a camera appears in front of your face. Your face is now big on the screens.

He looks up at them briefly and says to himself. "God she looks beautiful." It's heard very softly because he is not speaking into the mic.

Still, it seems loud enough for the audience, because there's a consistent 'Ohhh'. You blush.

Oli grins at the reaction of the people and fixes his hair. Then he looks at you and squints his eyes. As he does so, he shields his face with his hand, trying to see you better against the light.

"Y/N is that my hoodie? I've been looking all over for that one."

You hold your hand in front of your face. Your every move is shown on the screen.

He walks to the other side of the stage. "But it looks better on you than on me."

He grins his famous smile. The audience goes nuts. They like the public flirtation with his girlfriend.

You shake your head with a grin and pull up the hood in shame.

He waits until the audience calms down again and announces the next song.

Later...

At every concert, Oli goes down to the audience at one point. So also at this one.

He leaves the stage on one side, the camera follows him. Oli shakes hands, takes photos and signs on any body parts. At the same time he sings throughout.

Finally it's your turn, the last person before he enters the stage again. He grins and comes jogging up to you, pulls your face and pecks your lips. It's a habit. He does it every time he performs.

The audience is freaking out. Phones are pointed at you. You already know that tomorrow the whole internet will be full of videos.

"Are you ready for the next song?" Oli sprints back on stage and sings the rest of the songs with abandon.

When the concert is over you go backstage, back into the room and wait for Oli.

When the door finally opens, he throws himself onto a chair. "That was fantastic." He grins at you, exhausted.

"Yes it was." You sit down on his lap, face him. He hugs you and nuzzles his sweaty face against your cheek.

"Oli!" You try to free yourself from his arms, but he won't let you.

"Yes Y/N?" He asks you looking innocent.

You give up and relax into his embrace. "Can I keep the hoodie?"

He grins. "Oh that one... you look better in it than me anyway."

"Does that mean yes?" He nods.

You grin and happily fall around his neck.

"You know there's only going to be videos of us." You murmur against his neck.

He exhales. "Yeah I know, babe." His big hands circle your back. "I know."

#bring me the horizon one shot #bring me the horizon imagine #bring me the horizon x y/n #bring me the horizon x reader #bring me the horizon #oliver sykes imagines #oliver sykes x y/n #oliver sykes one shot #oli sykes imagine #oli sykes x y/n #oli sykes one shot #oli sykes #oli sykes x reader #oliver sykes x reader #oliver sykes #bmth imagine #bmth x reader #bmth one shot #bmth

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flowery-mess · 4 months ago

Text

I want him to lay like this with this face under me.

And I want him to look at me like that when I have him inside of me.

And I have many disgusting thoughts about these pictures which gives me actually confidence to write some smut for you, maybe the fact that I'm ovulating also has something to do with that.

I'm going out for drinks to gain some more confidence for writing about this sinful man

#oliver sykes #oli sykes #oliver sykes x reader #bmth #bring me the horizon #bring me the horizon fic #oliver sykes smut

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badomensgoodomens · 11 days ago

Note

requesting noah x reader

noah is finally home from tour and the two of you just spend the day cuddling, watching movies and eating snacks

omg omg yes let me cook xoxo

wrote at 10pm on a sunday cut me some slack

__________________________

noah had surprised you in the middle of the night, sleepily climbing into bed. You screamed, ofcourse. A 6'3 muscle man standing at the foot of your bed. terrifying. after you fumbled for the lamp switch, he apologised profusely, soft kisses peppered on your face.

"I said i was sorry" he whines as you groan. you hit his shoulder playfully. "That was NOT funny."

___________

The next morning, you wake before him. The sunlight creeps in, illuminating the soft freckles spread across his skin. you admired the soft pout of his lips, his funky eyebrows, his jaw that is ALWAYS clenched, finally resting.

he cracks a singular eye open, "its rude to stare." you just snicker, tracing the slope of his nose and his jaw. he turns on his side, pulling your warm, soft body towards him. "goodmorning to you too." you say, running your fingers through his hair. you reminisce on the longer version of his hair, you were truly devastated when he cut it. You lay in silence, just cuddling. But it's a good silence, a taking in eachothers presence silence. the room was silent yet the love for eachother was so, so so loud.

noah was once again fast asleep, poor love must be so exhausted from tour. you manage to slip away from him, prepping for a movie marathon. knowing your luck, he'll chose a horror movie and you won't be able to sleep for weeks. (I think he just likes comforting you afterwards. Sick bastard.)

after fixing a small charcuterie(?) Board, and some popcorn, you gently move to his bedside. You comb your fingers through his hair, his brows furrowed ever so slightly.

"Noah.. " you whisper.

He grumbles, pulling the blanket tighter around him.

"Come and watch a movie with me" you whine, annoyed at his sleepiness. He rubs his face, standing up with a sigh. He drags the blanket through the house. You trail behind him, only making a pitstop to yell at folio who had been picking at the food. one by one the boys filter in uninvited. just the nature of living with a bunch of boys. A random horror film plays on the large screen tv. But you're not watching. You're too busy admiring your man.

how long his lashes are, the slight stubble that's growing back, his freckles. God they were your favourite thing about him. He glances down at you, feeling your gaze. you clamber into his lap, back pressed against his chest. He presses a soft kiss on the back of your head, his warm hands splayed out on your tummy. you rest your hands on top of his, leaning back to look up at him. You press small kisses to his jaw.

after a while you fall asleep, sleep coming easier to you when your lover returns. it's his turn to admire you, tracing the shape of your lips, and your rosy cheeks, your soft dimples and petulant pout. its overwhelming. His love for you making him feel dizzy. he thinks about the future. His plan to marry you somewhere with flowers and a nice lake. how you would look in a wedding dress. And how you would look after...

he guides his fingers through your hair, gently ghosting over your scalp. Your hand tightens on his, seeking comfort.

you wake up a few hours later, noah long gone by now. I'm talking head conked back, mouth open, snoring. you giggle to yourself. You notice the others had left by now. Probably returning to slumber.

"Noah.." you poke him, he stirs slightly.

"nowahh" you grumble out.

he stirs, "yep I'm awake what's wrong?" his words are rushed, a testament to how tired he actually is. "cmon, into bed. I'll bring the snacks." he stands up, stretching his long limbs. He patters down the hallway, losing his tshirt along the way. you pack up the dips and cheeses, before finding your way back to your lover. He's already sprawled out on the bed, waiting. "I've missed this." He mumbles. Face down.

"Me? Or the bed."

"the bed."

You throw a pillow at him, he laughs. Pulling you impossibly close.

_______________________

The clock reads 4am and you PRY yourself out of his grip, you roll over, body spread over the open space of the bed. Sweat trickles down your back. Oh how noah hadn't missed this. "babe... go put the cooler on.." he grumbles.

"I'm not going in the dark!!" You whisper-shout

He just grumbles in return. He cracks open a window instead.

he pulls you back into his grip. Pressing sleepy kisses all over your face. you groan against his warm, ink covered skin. his breathing evens out and his face falls flat as he falls asleep again. You huff, sweating your tits off. You peel each layer of clothing off, laying in a bra and underwear. the sheets abandoned at the end of the bed. You were STILL sweaty AF but this man won't leave you alone. Especially after being gone for so long!!!

___________

He wakes up before you, the sight of you in your undergarments dizzying. He rests his head in the crook of your shoulder. Taking in the smell of your moisturiser, and shower gel.

"Mm morning baby" you yawn. light filters into the room, illuminating the lack of nothing between the two.

"never leaving for tour again if this is how I wake up every morning" he grunts, hands snaking around your waist.

"even in winter?"

"just means I get to warm you up."

You throw your head back in laughter as he begins to tickle you relentlessly.

______________________

I know I said I'd cook but lowkey look undercooked 😔

ik ik it's excuse after excuse but after I posted that my requests were open I got hit with the most diabolical family problems and have been putting off writing for a further week. but! I'm slowly easing back into it with the simplest request I could find.

so sorry if this is short, please leave more requests they are great motivation!!!

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veronicaphoenix · 7 months ago

Text

Main storyline

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ ONE | TWO | THREE | FOUR | EPILOGUE 💫

Additional content

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ Midnight (Reader & Oliver's first night together - flashback) *ੈ✩‧₊˚ The engagement party *ੈ✩‧₊˚ House painting *ੈ✩‧₊˚ In the absence of her *ੈ✩‧₊˚ The anger of gods *ੈ✩‧₊˚ A new addition to the family. Three becomes four

Hearts like Ours (additional multipart)

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ Part one: The Snakes *ੈ✩‧₊˚ Part two: The Angel of Death *ੈ✩‧₊˚ Part three: The Crow Witch

Requests

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ one

Author's note: Surprise! Did you think the story would end with the epilogue?! Well, Veronica here thought the story would end after part 2 lmao and here we are, working on a full series because you never know where life will take you 😂

If you were in the tag list for this fic, you’ll be tagged in future updates :) and if you want to be added, please do let me know in the comments or by dropping a message, and I’ll gladly tag you 😇

#noah sebastian #oliver sykes #bad omens #bad omens cult #bmth #bring me the horizon #noah sebastian fic #oliver sykes fic #noah sebastian x reader #oliver sykes x reader #oli sykes #noah sebastian fanfic #oliver sykes fanfic #noah sebastian x you #oliver sykes x you #noah sebastian x oliver sykes

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lady-october · 3 months ago

Text

Pairing : Oli Sykes x Female Assistant Genre : Romance, Smut (18+ Only) Previous Chapters : Available on Ao3 & Tumblr

Story Content : Smut, Drama, Choking, Power dynamics, Romance, Rough sex, Sadism/Masochism, Dom/Sub, Mentions of addiction & self harm, Degradation, Praise kink, Exhibitionism, Orgasm denial, Breath play, Dirty talk.

Summary :

“Don’t you see what a dangerous game you’re playing? Why did you have to look so fucking delicious tonight, I couldn’t stop undressing you in my mind, thinking of all the twisted things I want to do to you.” She had only worked on the touring team for three weeks, but her mind had been hijacked by dirty thoughts of a man she barely even talked to. Sure, he was very attractive, but were there other reasons she was so uncontrollably drawn to him? This is a filthy story of pain, self discovery, and love.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Chapter 28: Oh, what a wonderful life

Chapter title is lyrics from “Wonderful Life”

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

The first thing I noticed when I saw him was his hollow eyes. The exhaustion so present on his features that for a moment I struggled to remember all the things I needed to discuss with him.

“Hi.” He breathed, leaning – resting – against the doorframe. The smile he aimed at me further showcasing how tired he must be.

Come on, Alice, you can do this.

Thankfully, I managed to centre myself before too long, “So, are you gonna meet up with her?”

“I think so, yeah.”

I shouldn’t be jealous, I shouldn’t feel insecure, but this is someone he’s explicitly expressed to be the love of his life; someone he considered a soulmate.

Someone who was obviously still interested in him.

And from reading their chat – specifically from seeing how Oli spoke to her – it was also obvious he still had some form of respect for her. Despite her deep betrayal.

I’d been fighting the urge to look up his exes as soon as he’d vocalised being cheated on during the flight to America. But today those temptations had proven too much.

That’s another problem with potentially dating a celebrity; their dating history is catalogued online, just a quick search away. All I had to do was type in ‘Oli Sykes girlfriend’ and I’d been flooded with images of her, showing how picture perfect she was, and how perfect they were together. Both so clearly from the same universe, dressed in alt fashion and covered in tattoos.

Both also very clearly in love.

And now I had the image of them wrapped up in each other’s arms, kissing, plastered in the back of my mind as an uncomfortable reminder of how out of place I am in his world.

Oli took a quick glance down the corridor before returning his attention to me, “Can I come in?”

Distracted by my intrusive thoughts, I simply nodded and stepped to the side.

I’d expected him to walk into the room, maybe even make himself comfortable. Instead, he hovered next to me as I shut the door, not once taking his tired eyes off me.

“I was gonna tell you last night that I’d been talking to her.” He said in a low tone, so close to me I could smell the energy drink on his breath.

“Is that why you were unsure about us being right for each other?” I had to ask, had to know. It had been running through my thoughts for hours.

Oli shook his head, “No.” He said, but his expression shifted, a grimace threatening to scrunch up his face, “I mean, yeah. But not the way you’re thinking.”

As I felt a frown pulling on my eyebrows out of confusion, his hand appeared by mine, taking it gingerly in his – a silent question if this intimate touch was acceptable considering the current tension between us.

Bewildered, I let our fingers intertwine, before he led us to sit on the end of my bed.

After a deep breath, he told me why he needed to talk to Fay, that he wanted answers, that he needed to let go of the anger and the distrust she had caused in him – how it had made him not trust me.

He also told me he’s been fighting the urge to use again, to fall into old habits with drugs, that things had been triggering him, just like things had been triggering me. And for a moment I thought to myself that maybe he was right last night, maybe we’re just not right for each other.

Maybe we do nothing but pull at the strings of our pain, fraying the edges of the delicate fabric further.

But then he began caressing my hand, holding it in his as if it was precious – as if it was made of glass. He turned it over in his palm, guiding it up to his lips in order to place a kiss on the soft pad of my thumb. Then he opened his mouth to say something that would make me see things from a different perspective.

“I tried to strangle such a large part of myself the past year, I gave up on so many of the things I desperately want out of life because of how badly I got burnt with Fay; I gave up on love, something that – and I know this sounds cringe – but it’s as vital as air to me.” His vulnerable eyes fell to our hands resting on my thigh, before continuing under his breath, “It's like I've been a fucking zombie, Alice.”

Silence fell between us for a beat as I tried to stay composed, hating how much I was relating to what he was saying. But then he continued, and I felt the familiar lump build in my throat.

“Well,” He huffed out a breath, “Until you showed up."

Large eyes returned to mine, and suddenly breathing no longer seemed to come instinctually, forcing me to focus on the otherwise autonomic function so I wouldn’t simply stop.

“I was only able to start writing lyrics again after the first night I was with you.” He studied my face as he seemed to search for the right words, “I realise there's problems here, reasons for why we might not work out. But you have no idea how grateful I am for everything you've done for me.”

Having never felt more alive than when I’m around him, I should see where he’s coming from, I should believe his words, yet I couldn’t help but think that he’s mistaken; that he was confusing me for someone who was special enough to evoke such things.

“You've opened something up in me that's allowing me to love again, and honestly, even if we don't end up together, at least now I know that giving up on love altogether isn't the solution.”

Panic set in as I was fighting to speak up, to let him know I also crave to feel.

Crave to love.

But the words were stuck in my throat, lodged so thoroughly I wasn’t sure I could say them even if my life was on the line.

Does he sense my inner battle; can he see it on me?

There is so much pity in his eyes.

Or is it disappointment over the fact that I’m once again mute while he pours his heart out to me?

But long before I got a chance to tackle my loud inner voices, the pity fell away from him, and you could tell by his darting eyes that he was mulling something over.

“This is our last night here. I wanted to take you to the restaurant, would you like that?” He asked, an exhausted, sombre smile touching his lips.

I forced out a smile and an eager nod, hoping it would convey at least a crumb of the thoughts I was currently unable to express verbally.

“Great.” He added, so I stood up, but his hand didn’t let go of mine, nor did he move from his seated positioned at the end of the mattress, “Are we alright to just lay down for a minute first?”

I shifted awkwardly, “Liam could come back any moment.”

But I quickly realised his request hadn’t been sexual in nature from the way his sad gaze held mine.

“I just want to hold you for a bit.” He begged under his breath, and my heart ached.

“Okay.” I said in return, causing him to visibly relax, before he guided me around the modestly sized double bed, compared to his rooms large king.

As I made myself comfortable on the plush pillows I’d cried into just an hour ago, he quickly wrapped himself around me, nestling his head into my chest, my chin coming to rest on the top of his head, right in the midst of wild locks that smelled so hypnotising.

The embrace was unlike the ones we usually shared, he was making himself more vulnerable, turning the moment intimate in a brand new way, causing a storm of emotion to erupt in me. And right as I thought I couldn’t get more overwhelmed by it, his warm hand appeared on my thigh, pulling it over his waist, entangling us further before taking a deep breath, the warm air seeping through the fabric of my shirt, caressing my skin.

“You always smell so wonderful, love.” He breathed into my chest in a low, rumbling tone, sounding as if he’s about to drift off.

And your scent makes me wonder if home is a person.

I swallowed, alarmed by my feelings and my thoughts, shoving them aside to stay sane, to stay in the moment without panicking.

“That’s good,” I started, feeling unsure of myself, but curiosity got the better of me as it so often does, “You know, I’m having the hardest time placing your scent. What’s in your hair right now?”

“Sorry about that. It’s just some shampoo I nicked from one of the venues back in the UK when I ran out of my usual stuff. Probably doesn’t smell that pleasant, but beggars can’t be choosers.”

I couldn’t believe it, the mysterious aroma that had made me feel safe, that drove me wild, was just some random shampoo he didn’t even care for?

“I– I actually really like it.” I said quietly, the heat of a blush spreading over my cheeks, feeling slightly embarrassed over having placed such significance on such a trivial thing.

“Yeah? Maybe I’ll get some more then.” His words had come so slurred, the poor thing was clearly hanging onto consciousness by a thread.

I was going to tell him – reluctantly – that he didn’t need to do that, that he can use whatever products he prefers, but before I got a chance, I felt him twitch, letting me know that sleep had claimed him.

I sighed, torn between distraction, or allowing myself to indulge in his scent, in him. After a moment of looking at the unruly curls under my nose, I gave in, letting myself take a deep breath and savour the way he made me feel. Which was more than I cared to admit to myself.

Having mostly focused on feeling as few things as possible for so long, it was no wonder such emotional highs that Oli provided caused fear to stir inside me.

I was used to spending my days convincing myself that I was happy, that I didn’t want more. That I didn’t feel like I was slowly suffocating and dying inside from staying with someone who made me feel… absolutely nothing.

You see, my ex was a void, and I simply orbited him, shaping my wants and needs to fit into his lifestyle in order to make things as simple and conflict-free as possible.

One day we’d sat down in the living room to go through our finances. The TV had been left on in the background, auto playing some sewing tutorial on YouTube that I’d planned to watch at some point. But like all my attempts at creative hobbies, it fizzled and died before I’d even gathered the courage to purchase the supplies to try it. I was simply too good at telling myself that there was no point, that I’d probably be bad at it anyway, that it was a waste of money, or that my time could be spent doing something more productive.

We were in the middle of deciding how much to transfer to our savings accounts this month, when my ex, Sam, had gotten distracted by the flashing lights caused by the next random video in the queue.

“Annoying that. Do you like that stuff?” He asked, judgement in his voice, before reaching over to turn off the telly.

I’d only caught a glimpse of it before he shut it off, but it had looked like concert footage, most likely recommended to me due to all the links Shelley had shared with me lately, to show me the upcoming bands she’d be working on tour with. I wouldn’t be able to recall what bands it had been, as I never much listened to heavier music, and the touring agency specialized in alternative music. All I knew is that it can’t have been Bring Me The Horizon, as this was years prior to her working with them. And years prior to her recommending me for this job.

“Not really, but Shelley’s been sending me a lot of concert footage lately.”

He shook his head, “You two have essentially nothing in common, I can’t understand why you’re still friends with her.”

Shelley was my childhood friend. She was always the outgoing one, the daring one, while I mostly kept to myself. But for some reason she’d latched onto me the first day of school and told me we’d be best friends forever. And so far, she hadn’t been wrong about that. The only reason we hadn’t talked much lately was due to us both being on tour.

He wasn’t wrong either though; we didn’t have much in common, but that never seemed to matter. We enjoyed each other all the same.

But Sam and Shelley? They hated each other. Both insisting that the other was bad for me, or just bad in general. In fact, I’m not sure they’ve ever agreed on a single thing besides liking me.

“You know why.” I muttered, keeping my head low, not wanting to have this argument again.

“I just don’t get why she insists on pushing her tacky ways on you. You’ve got it all figured out; always the most beautiful girl in the room, got a great job, and a great boyfriend.” The last bit he’d said with a proud smile.

I rolled my eyes at him, but he just laughed.

I’m not sure Sam thought I was beautiful, or if he simply approved of my extremely non-offensive way of both acting and dressing, which he always commented on before showing me off to friends and colleges; I was the quiet, polite, smiling girlfriend, dressed to impress even the elderly relatives. Someone who was perfect to bring around to the office Christmas party.

I also know he very much disapproved of Shelley’s work, always finding new ways of implying that she’s a slut, sleeping around with all the bands she worked with.

Which, looking back, is hilarious, as I’m currently doing her old job, but sleeping with the lead singer.

But I know Shelley wasn’t like that. She may come off as a flirt from first impressions, but she’s very happily married, and had always been extremely loyal. In many ways she reminded me of Liam, which explained why they got along so well. And why me and Liam instantly hit it off.

But Sam’s dislike for Shelley ran a lot deeper than simply looking down on her lifestyle choices.

The last time Shelley had visited she’d sold me on the idea of getting a tattoo with her. I’ve always liked them, but always been entirely too scared to consider one. Yet I had warmed up to the idea of a vine anklet – discrete, understated, yet pretty. It had felt right, but Sam had talked me out of it. Reaffirming my fears about its permanence, having me question if I would regret it. But he was still angry over the mere idea that Shelley had almost convinced me, as if my opinion on the matter hadn’t really mattered – as if I’m not capable of making an informed decision on my own.

But considering how scared and indecisive I frequently was, I guess it was understandable why he would assume as much.

After we were done with our finances, I’d caught myself in the mirror while getting towels for my evening bath. I was still in my work clothes, my hair neatly tucked into a low bun, not a hair out of place. I was the picture of palatable, pleasant and boring.

It fed my numbness.

I accepted it – it was comforting.

Or so I told myself as I undressed, locking the door to the bathroom before getting into the hot, bubbly water, and having myself a silent cry like I did nearly every night before bed.

I’d stare into my soothing lavender candle I’d lit to help me sleep better, working overtime to convince myself I was happy as the tears streamed down my face. As the walls felt like they were closing in on me.

Then I’d dry myself off and crawl into bed to sleep next to my perfectly okay boyfriend, ready for my perfectly okay job in the morning.

No wonder I’d agreed to Shelley’s suggestion of working on the touring team once I’d split with Sam.

It was just crazy enough of an idea for me to act on in my desperate state, sick of hating my life so fundamentally.

But I had my apprehensions.

I’d found out fairly quickly that my first tour would be with a band called Bring Me The Horizon.

Instantly I’d began researching them.

The first time I saw Oli I’d pulled a face of disgust.

He’d been flashing his old vampire fangs, bright coloured contacts, and his skin was more ink covered than not. I’d immediately heard Sam’s voice in the back of my head, telling me that ‘only convicts have face tattoos.’

And I’d agreed with him at the time. In fact, many of my close-minded opinions at the time were his. It was just easier to adopt them rather than argue.

So, in an effort to be my own person, I rejected the notion that there was anything at all to judge about Oliver Sykes.

But the judgemental thoughts hadn’t ended there.

I’d read that he was a drug addict. Of course he was, he’s a rockstar.

I shook myself, realising what I was doing, and moved on, once again promising myself to not judge a book by its cover.

But I couldn’t seem to stop.

I learned about his activism, his love for animals, how he’d started his own business alongside the band when he was just a teenager. I’d read over his lyrics and watch his interviews – all of which were riddled with self-criticizing commentary despite his numerous admirable achievements and skillsets.

And yet I still found myself having judged him, as I’d been shocked to discover that he wasn’t just some lowlife, entitled, celebrity man-child as I’d initially expected.

For days afterwards I’d kept looking him up, scrolling through pictures and videos of him, listened to his music, checking out his clothing line, perplexed both by him as a person, and why I was so seemingly enthralled by him.

Do I find him attractive, or am I simply jealous of his bold ways of expressing himself?

Immediately after that thought I’d texted Shelley.

“Alice: Dress me like you.”

It was something she’d wanted to do since we were teens, always insisting that my appearance never reflected how she saw me; telling me that my personality was far richer and exciting than how I presented myself to the world.

While I felt more comfortable being silly around Shelley than anyone else, I still wasn’t sure I agreed with her opinion on that.

But I did know she’d jump on the idea of giving me a makeover, and I was beyond fed up with my old ways.

“Shelley: I’ll do you one better, I’ll dress you like YOU!”

The next day she’d come over to my mum’s house which I was residing at after my breakup with Sam. She’d brought a mountain of clothes and accessories, both things from her own closet and items she’d picked up on the way here. The first thing she’d put me in was a dress so short it could have been a shirt.

“You’re made for that.” She’d said without a doubt in her voice, “It’s perfect!”

“You’re joking? A small breeze and I’ll be on a list.”

“Who cares, you’re going on tour!” She exclaimed before collapsing into my childhood bed, which we’d spent many nights together in as kids, telling ghost stories under the covers when we were supposed to be fast asleep.

“I’m not sure.” I muttered, pulling on the hem, attempting to magically make it cover more of my skin than it ever could.

“Alice, I beg of you, bring it with you, just in case you feel up for wearing it once you’re there.”

And taking inspiration from the boldness of Mr Sykes, as well as Shelley, I’d done as she’d suggested. In fact, I’d been brave and mostly packed things she’d brought over that day, only packing a handful of items from my usual wardrobe.

And every time I see myself in the mirror after putting on something Shelley picked out for me, I’d hear Sam’s words in the back of my head, telling me I look like a slag, and I’d smile at my reflection.

Cause who gives a rat’s arse what that man thinks anyway.

But it quickly became evident that I cared about what another man thought of me.

It also quickly became evident that my fascination with Oli wasn’t just jealousy over his daring nature.

The first time I met him I swear my brain short circuited for a minute.

“Hiya, love, you alright?” He’d asked with a flash of a smile.

While I can’t recall what I said, if anything, I remember being in complete awe, convinced his eyes were looking right through me, as if he could tell immediately how my body was responding to his mere presence.

It had taken me a couple of days to finally accept that I was in fact hopelessly attracted to him, and once I’d accepted that, I’d check him out every chance I got. And while I knew someone like me would never have a shot with someone like that, I kept dressing myself in less and less, hoping that against all odds he’d notice me eventually.

Just a handful of days before we started the sexcapades in London was the only time I’d thought that maybe he’d actually noticed me in the same way I was noticing him.

It was an early, gloomy January morning, and we were just about to leave a rented house we’d been staying at for a couple of days between gigs. Everyone was gathered in the living room, half asleep on the corner sofa, as we waited for the taxi to come collect us. Liam was still running around making sure we hadn’t left anything behind, and I was sat in a chair next to the sofa, mindlessly watching the morning news that Lee had left on the telly as everyone were either resting their eyes or on their various devices.

In an incredibly modern, ugly, design choice, the whole wall behind the telly was comprised of large, black marble tiles, so glossy it acted as a mirrored surface. And every so often I’d let my eyes stray from the news to steal a quick, indulgent glance at Oli in the reflection.

Only this time I noticed his eyes weren’t on the phone in his hands, nor were they on the big screen in front of him. In fact, it looked an awful lot like they were resting on me. And not on my reflection, no, his gaze was instead to his side, in my direction.

And what is that expression on his face?

For a moment I didn’t even dare think it, cause why on earth would he be looking at ordinary, boring Alice? But then I scanned my own reflection and was promptly reminded of how low cut my top was that day.

In a daring move, I crossed my arms gently, which made my already provocative cleavage spill further.

Immediately his eyelids grew heavy, his lips parting slightly as the grip on his phone tightened visibly, the veins on his hands becoming more prominent as a result, and I was suddenly very grateful that I was already sitting down, as I’m certain my legs weren’t functional in that moment.

But while what he was looking at – and how he was enjoying what he saw – was undeniable, I still managed to talk myself out of him being interested in me. Instead, I’d just disregarded it as him not being immune to appreciating a pair of tits when they were presented to him.

In hindsight, knowing more about Oli, and knowing that he’d been checking me out for a while, it was now clear that this had been a regular occurrence – he’d just managed to be quite stealthy about it.

And yet… I can’t help but wonder what he could possibly see in me.

The sun was close to setting as I stared out into the forest view of mine and Liam’s room, the sleeping man next to me breathing slowly and deeply against my chest. And even though he was continuously showing me how special I was to him, I still felt entirely too lacklustre to be loved by him.

I was a common garden rock, in the arms of a rare gem, and no matter how much I want to open my heart to him, to accept that I was already attached or wanted more, my gut still told me he’d wake up one day, realise how wrong he’d been about me, and see me for the disappointment that I really am.

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